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bonny-kookoo · 4 years

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Charming Girl (J.JK x Reader) 🎀☁️💜🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Good Girl!AU, Angst (a bit), Fluff, Smut of course because I can’t write anything normal these days smh

Warnings: Koo has a fight with his GG and says some mean things, Taehyung has a brief appearance and it’s actually all sfw and fluffy but he curses a lot so beware, smut, usage of toys (a vibrator to be specific), manhandling/restriction of movement, GG swallows because y’all should empty the plate when the meal is good, Mentions of past infidelity and overall toxic relationship, there’s a scene where Jk spits in GGs mouth, pls don’t judge lmao

Summary: Jungkook really didn’t mean to say the things he did. He’s not even sure how his brain could even come up with such hurtful things; yet he did, and now, knowing that you’ve taken shelter in Taehyungs apartment out of all places, he’s forced to clean up his mess- and for the first time he can’t ask you for help.

Good Girl || Sweet Girl || Smart Girl || Brave Girl || Pretty Girl || Charming Girl || Enticing Girl

Taglist: @sweetenedcooky @ggukkieland @btsismybias22 @darkgvk @daddypkj @flowerprincess24 @crazylittlemay @zeharilisharaban @teresaisla @tangledsparkles

You had everything planned out. You even thought about making an entire PowerPoint presentation on why this was a good idea, why this should be done immediately; yet you decided against it, simply planning on explaining it to him the traditional way instead of overdoing it. This was technically his apartment after all, you were simply living with him and sharing rent and space.

Ever since you were small, your family had pets. Your parents had a dog that died sadly when you were young, later on you got your own pet; a guinea pig named Harold, whom you had all throughout your childhood. Harold died of old age when you were barely 14, and you felt as if your heart had been ripped out and buried in your yard instead of the small Tricoloured body. Ever since then you had promised yourself to get another pet when you were older.

When you had your first relationship, it lasted for a year or so, your ex had never wanted a pet. He'd complained that it was as if he was getting a child- and that he wasn't ready to be a dad yet. So you never got one during that time, even though time and space were there.

Now at 22, you had the space and time (and money most importantly), yet you didn’t have the approval of your dear housemate and boyfriend living with you. You didn’t really think it would be an issue honestly; he’d always been an animal lover- so you couldn’t quite understand the situation you got yourself in.

„But look, I’m gonna do all the work, I’ll only have them in my room, you won’t even notice they’re there!“ you whined, walking after him out of the kitchen. You knew you were being a little childish; he’d said two times already that no, not right now, and no, because no. He couldn’t quite give you a full answer that could satisfy you, and you had already noticed that he was grumpy, but you had grown so safe around him that you didn’t spot the warning signs.

„God y/n can you please sh-...“ he inhaled, rubbing a hand over his face, trying to calm himself. „Please, not now. I’m really not in the mood.“ he said, and you pouted at him. Usually he would find it cute, but right now he was too riled up to really let his vision lead his thoughts. He’d recently started to get more and more agitated whenever he came home, always tired and frustrated. And he didn’t tell you what it was, so maybe that had fueled your pettiness towards him.

„Well tomorrow you’re gonna be grumpy too!“ you said, raising your hands, before facing him. „If you can’t tell me why not then I’m doing it anyways! I’m not just going to blindly do what you want just because-„ you said, but he suddenly snapped, voice way more forceful than yours, making you back off a bit.

„Yeah well if you would do what I said you wouldn’t be standing here throwing a tamper tantrum like a fucking toddler!“ he yelled, taking your opening mouth as another attempt in trying to persuade him. You actually however, wanted to apologize. Those words died down inside your throat when his next left his lips. „Can’t you act your age just for a second? I’m really into fucking you, but also acting like a father isn’t on my list of favorites, thank you very much-„

It was almost comical how his own voice slowly lost volume and tune at the end of his sentence, as soon as he saw the way your eyes widened, face evolving into a look of something he never wanted to see, let alone because of him; it was a look of betrayal, hurt, and even shame- because deep down he knew there was a spark of honesty in between his words, but he also knew that this was you, this was something you couldn’t control. And he’d just used these insecurities and flaws against you.

Your delicate hands suddenly clenched, creating small but angry fists, unraveling just to weakly Push his chest, eyes suddenly swimming with frustrated water that trickled down your cheeks. He just stood there frozen, forced to watch how you stormed away into your room, not even his bedroom you two had been sharing these nights, and he still stood in the exact same spot when you emerged again with your small pink sportsbag, rushing past him and leaving his apartment with nothing more than the lingering scent of you, and the suffocating feeling of his own voice still heavy in the air. A chuckle escaped him, lacking any form of happiness or humor as he began to sob into his hand trying to keep his emotions inside. The wall next to him cracked loudly as his knuckles came in contact with it; breaking skin and wall the same, yet the pain he felt inside his soul was greater than the sting of his scratched up hand.

Right now, Jeon Jungkook really hated himself.

You didn’t have high hopes honestly, and as the door opened, you only looked at the mismatched socks of the older friend of Jungkook. Alex didn‘t have an own apartment, and you honestly didn’t have enough money to stay at a hotel, so Taehyung had been the only option left. You had his number still, and he’d answered to your text that he was home; yet you still had some worry down your throat that he wouldn’t let you in. He simply opened the door fully, leading you inside, and showing you were to hang your jacket and leave your shoes.

His apartment wasn’t huge, but it was nice; you didn’t expect what you saw at all. It was warm, it smelled nice- not like your own home of course, but you’d expected his living space to be a bit more.. chaotic. He was quiet, walking into the kitchen and pouring two cups of something, before placing them down on his living room table. Here and there you could spot small things that showed he lived there; his Juul on the windowsill next to his balcony door, polaroids taped onto the wall, or his sweater halfheartedly thrown over the couch. You sat down on the edge of said seating place, your pink socks running over his light wood laminate. It was scratched, showed that he’d moved the furniture a couple of times since he lived here. Your eyes snapped towards the soft looking slippers he tossed next to your feet, shoe size way too small to be his. „My uhm-„ he scratched his head a bit before actually looking a bit shy. „My girlfriend she.. her feet get cold easily on my flooring so uhm, you can use these.“ he said, and for the first time you actually looked at him. His red hair was gone, dyed pitch black, a little curly too- it suited him well, you decided. „Ah yeah I- Guess I wanted a change.“ he said, going into the kitchen to shut down the lights before sitting down, looking at you. „So.. trouble in paradise huh?“ he said, taking a sip of his cup, eyes watching you.

You felt your eyes sting again, and Taehyubg Shuffle around in his spot. “I just..” you said, before reaching for the mug, hands uncaring of the hot temperature seeping into your skin, taking it as a punishment in a weird way. “I didn’t think About him you know? I mean, he told he he likes to take care of me but.. maybe he changed his mind?“ you said, shrugging your shoulders and sighing. „Sorry to invade like that too..“ tryout mumbled, back arching as if to cower. Taehyung clicked his tongue, crossing his legs.

„You’re Not, don’t worry.“ he said, setting his cup down with a crack against the table. His hands were so different from Jungkooks you noticed; fingers longer and thinner, nails wide. He was a tall person, so it made sense. „Jungkook can be.. difficult.“ he said, leaning his head on his hand. „He doesn’t show it but he’s clumsy. That combined with his usefulness when it comes to apologizing doesn’t really make a good mix.“ he admitted, smirking a bit as his phone lit up from the table, showing a notification from Jungkook, before vibrating a bit again and again, stopping at the count of 12. he didn’t comment on it, but continued. „I don’t think he meant what he said in a bad way. I guess he’s having a bad day, which doesn’t make it better honestly.“ he shrugged, and you bit your lip. „Also lean back a bit will ya? You look like you’re about to break a bone.“ he said, and you sat down more properly.

„I’m worried Taehyung.“ you said. „He.. I really like him, but I’m so scared he’ll get tired of me.“ you mumbled, finally taking a sip, hot chocolate swishing over your tongue, liquid warming your throat as you swallowed. „They all do.“ you whispered into the cup, and Taehyung got serious.

„Have you’ve been in a relationship before?“ he asked, and you nodded.

„Hmhm.. he cheated when he noticed I wanted to wait longer than he did. He stayed with me though because I paid for dinner. His words by the way.“

Taehyung laughed humorously, giving you a look of empathy. „Dickhead.“ he said. „Listen, Jungkook doesn’t know how relationships work. He’s horrible at it honestly, worse than me.“ he said, laughing a bit. „He doesn’t know jackshit about stuff, so you gotta teach him.“ he said. „I’m honestly surprised you both are together at all. Cause he knows this, and he never continues in things he’s bad at.“ you nodded at this. Though he knew Jungkook way longer than you did, you also knew this small detail about him. You'd wondered several times before, but you've never asked him openly about his actual dating history. If you were honest you didn't even knew if he had one to begin with. Maybe he'd always been like he was before you? You couldn't know. "What I'm trying to say is-" Taehyung said, breaking the silence, before standing up and patting your head a bit playfully to cheer you up. "Give it time. Don't try and fix things this time; let him do the work for once. God knows he needs a slap in the face once in a while, you've been babying him too much." He laughed, and you actually smiled as well. Maybe you really did need to wait. After all, his words had hurt deep down in your soul, leaving you embarrassed and insecure- he should get his cut of the cake as well. Sharing is caring, and all that.

Whatever the fuck that was he did that night, it definitely hadn't been sleeping, that much was clear to him. He honestly looked like shit, he'd been told at work, and after several hours of snapping at his coworkers because of his headache, he'd been sent home for the rest of the remaining day, leaving him to visit his local doc and calling in sick for the last two days of the week. He highly doubted that he'd gain enough energy to really get anything done- having made mistakes over and over again today, leaving him with a feeling of uselessness. And the worst part?

Coming home.

Now usually, this would be his favorite part; he'd lay his head onto your lap while you looked at something on your laptop in the living room, or he'd get to catch you silently humming along a song on your phone while you cooked something. But he'd fucked things up these days, so his apartment had gotten a stale aftertaste as he walked through his door, nothing greeting him but silence. The lights were off, darkness swallowing the rooms until he switched them on. Has his lights always been so cold? He never noticed anymore whenever you were there.

He knew he was supposed to do something, but exactly that was the issue. He didn't knew what- because even if he asked you for forgiveness, it wouldn't make up for the crack that he'd seen in your eyes, not to mention how he didn't feel like he deserved it at all. He knew you would accept his apology as soon as he'd say it to you, and that made it so much worse for him. He couldn't even start to imagine how easy prey you were for men- and not in any way good.

This had become an issue over time. He felt like he had to protect you from everything it seemed, yet he also wanted you to become more independent- but there was the issue. He was actually scared. Because if you started to become less and less dependent on him,

would you still want him, if you didn't need him?

This had been a question riling him up greatly. It popped up randomly in his head, making it hard to really think of anything else- because deep down there was this voice, telling him that no; as soon as you found the amount of confidence you should have, considering your angelic character in his eyes- you'd start to see what an actual asshole he was. He'd never understood what exactly you saw in him to begin with. Sure, he had the looks kind of, he knew that from the amount of flirty comments he'd get, but character wise he was an absolute garbage can. He was picky, needy of being held in high standards, he craved praise and recognition. He was selfish, wanted everything for himself, and hated sharing anything. He was too honest, swore way too much, and had a chaotic way of keeping track of things.

He'd punched the poor wall in the living room again last night, the remnants still lingering like a bleeding wound, white dust from the broken material scattered over the dark carpet. After he'd heard you went to Taehyung out of all people, he'd completely lost it- eventually falling asleep on the couch, crying like a toddler after a tantrum. Ironic, since he'd called you one, when in reality it seemed that he was the immature one in this relationship.

This time he simply let himself fall onto the couch, a stray blanket still crumpled up pathetically on the cushions, looking almost how he felt. He knew he should do something, but he couldn't get himself to- simply falling onto his side, just to fall asleep, dreams haunting him much worse than before without you there to soothe him.

After staying with Taehyung and his Girlfriend for two days, you felt like you were intruding, in a way. You also didn't like to run away anymore, deciding to face whatever would be waiting for you at home. Jungkooks friend had driven you, asking if he should come upstairs with you but you had declined- this was something you needed to do by yourself.

To say the apartment was a mess was an understatement. Empty noodle cups on the kitchen counter, sink filled with dishes. The bathroom door was open, showing that he'd been showering just recently it seemed, yet the clothes on the floor made you wonder if it was in a hurry. Even though he was chaotic, Jungkook was never really messy in a way. But the way everything looked told a different story.

You also noticed just how dark it was. The curtains were closed, room stuffy from not airing out like you did every morning, and the couch looked like he slept on it. But why? Even if he felt bad, he could at least sleep in his own bed, you wondered.

But you also noticed the lack of the person in question.

Worried, you crept into the bedroom, not finding him there. What helped to ease your mind however was, that his open dresser was still filled with clothes- he didn't leave.

So wherever he was, maybe at work? You decided to clean up, and get things a bit more comfortable around the small apartment. He did tell you to be mature, after all.

Opening the apartment door with a bit of struggle considering the items in his hands, he instantly noticed something different. Maybe it was the fresh air, the amount of light in the apartment, or the fact that soft music played in the background, dishes clattering in the kitchen. He slowly set down everything he'd bought, almost tip-toeing into his home, eyes widening upon your form standing in front of the sink, hands occupied inside soapy water. You didn't turn around, but he could see in the way you bit your lip that you'd noticed him already, yet chose not to look at him. You feared one look would be enough to set you off, make you cry, and you knew this would probably end up as something new he could complain about. Okay, maybe not, you knew he wouldn't, but you were so unsure how to act around him now that it just felt.. awkward.

And Jungkook hated it.

He chewed on his lip as well, moving to get the stuff he'd bought set up inside the living room, wordlessly working on setting down the doggy bed, placing the other bags filled with food and toys down as well. You couldn't help but peak around the corner, almost comically leaning behind the wall between the kitchen and living room, only showing a fraction of your face. Jungkook actually chuckled at the picture you posed to him as, although it did sting a bit that you seemed too cautious around him now to actually get closer. "Can you come over here for a second please?" He timidly asked, and you looked a bit hesitant, before eventually walking closer to him, sitting on the floor in front of him, with a bit of space keeping you both apart. He sighed, before lowering his head. "I.. You can't imagine how fucking sorry I am for what I said. I didn't.. I had no right to talk to you like that, and I really fucking regret it." He said, making you nod, not looking at him either, occupying yourself with a stray string of your sock that you'd accidentally put on inside out. "I'm just.. I dont know how to actually explain it without sounding like an ass, so I'll just.." He started, running a hand through his rather long hair. "I've been noticing how you started to change like, you're becoming so much more confident and I love it, I really do, but at the same time it absolutely terrifies me because-" He sighed, scratching his neck and hand reaching out to you, not really grabbing or anything, but simply brushing against your smaller hand with his finger. It was a pathetic gesture really, but he had to clear his throat again before he spoke. "The more you can stand up for yourself, the less you'll need me, and I.. I know I sound like an asshole but I need you to need me, I just.. I need to have you lean on me and like, make me do shit for you because I'm selfish, yeah, I'll admit it. I'm a fucking dick who needs to get his ego stroked and-" Suddenly your hand grabbed his, both hands running over his tattooed skin on the back of his, and he looked at you with the eyes of desperation written in capslock. You smiled at him, so understanding and warm that he felt like crying.

"I'll always need you Jungkookie." You said, scooting forward and straddling him, burying your head into his chest, inhaling the familiar scent of him as he wrapped his arms around you, his head in the crook of your neck. "Who's gonna kick someones butt when they bully me in PvP games?" You said, and he chuckled, laughing, and pulled you even closer for a moment before you pulled away from him, brushing his hair out of his eyes and intentionally messily wiping his eyes, making him grin and laugh before grabbing your wrists, kissing your nose, cheeks, your entire face before you gasped for air from laughing so hard, begging him to stop. "What do you-" You said, catching your breath. "What is all that though?" You asked, and he pulled out his phone out of his back pocket, sniffling still a bit as he tapped away on his cracked screen, before he showed you a picture of a small white puppy, pink tongue peaking out of its mouth as it looked at the camera. You squealed, before connecting the dots. The dog toys. The bags filled with food. "No way.." You said, eyes wide as he became a bit shy.

"I know you wanted something small, but.. I found her on our local shelter's website, and I met her yesterday. I thought, a dog could be a good addition-" He said, before you hugged him again, squealing into his chest and making him chuckle. "Don't let yourself be fooled though." His eyebrows raised as he playfully looked at you in a serious way. "She's your personal bodyguard- an absolute killer machine if someone gets too close, we already talked about that." And you had to snort at the image in your head, imagining Jungkook all serious talking to the white fluffy dog about guarding his owner. "We're getting here on Monday, so we got two more days to go until then." He said, and you nodded, not letting go of him. He ran his hand over your head, suddenly more serious again. "I really mean it though." You raised your head at that, looking at him questioningly. "I.. I really like how you are. Deep down I guess I know that you're actually the mature one in this, so I guess I at least want to feel as if I have the upper hand, you know?" He said, and you smiled at that.

"Well, you do though." You said, leaning your head to the side before toying with the hem of his shirt. He looked at you now, before you answered. "I still.. trust you." Your voice got a bit breathier, before you said your next sentence. "You can do all you want with me. I'm yours after all." And he groaned, letting his head fall back. "What?" You questioned amused.

"Don't say shit like that right now-" He whined, trying to force the image of the cute puppy into his head instead of you, lying underneath him in all your glory, ready for him to- nop, no no no, cute puppies, cute puppies. But you didn't understand his standpoint it seemed.

"But why though? Don't you.. you know, want to?" You said hesitantly.

He shook his head. "No, you know I kind of always want to but.. I don't want you to feel as if that's all I want." He said, looking stressed. You smiled again, leaning into him.

"I mean, that's not true. I know that." You answered, before getting a teasing spark inside your eyes. "Either that, or its so good that you go as far as to get me a cute puppy." You chuckled, and his eyes got just as impish as yours, hand smacking your behind in a playful way.

"Careful. You could charm anyone into buying you a dog with those eyes." He said, smirking. You grinned proudly, and he suddenly attacked your neck, lifting you up and throwing you over his shoulder, the sound of your laughter music to his ears. He actually hadn't slept in his own bedroom solely because of the reason that he'd be tormented with the memories of you both, showing him almost mockingly what he'd almost lost. Now he didn't feel pressured anymore, he felt as if he was worthy enough to be in here, as weird as it sounded.

Letting you fall onto the mattress, you giggled as you jumped a bit on it, making him grin as he crawled over your form, immediately attacking your lips in a searing kiss, not even asking for entrance at all, simply taking. He slowly grew more and more impatient, hands grabbing and running over your skin almost possessively as he growled out his displeasure about your choice of shelter. He didn't say it out loud because he had no right to talk about it, plus he was deep down grateful that you've spent the night there instead of somewhere else, but he hated the fact that you slept over at Taehyungs place. He knew you'd never be unfaithful, yet he couldn't help but feel insecure when you left, knowing that you could easily find someone else, someone better in his eyes than him. The time apart made him cherish you again in a new way, teeth biting your skin gently, leaving marks on your skin that would soon blossom beautifully in different shades. You mewled at that, his grin reappearing, before he opened his infamous drawer under his bedside table, taking something out that seemed to be still packaged. You looked curiously, yet turned all shades of pink when you saw what it was.

"Hm.. you like it princess?" He asked, opening the plastic and cardboard packaging of the device as you began to grow a little more restless at the sight of it. It appeared to be a vibrator of some sorts, coloring just the way you liked it- soft pink with white details, making you wonder how on earth something so sinful could also look so pretty. You'd never really cared for toys like that, but Jungkook had talked about maybe using them before. "Thought you'd like it." He said lowly. "You're gonna love it once I'm done with you." He promised, glad that he saw the small green LED light up- it luckily came pre-charged, so he could use it right away after he'd cleaned it with a babywipe. "Hm, lets see what it can do, yeah?" he huskily proposed, sitting on his legs in front of you. "Strip princess. Lemme' see my gorgeous baby." He said, and you started to undress just as he told you. You've long stopped feeling self-conscious around him after all the times he'd seen you, and he also always made sure to make you feel good about yourself, so you didn't hesitate anymore when it came to things like these.

As soon as you laid there, bare as the day you joined humanity, he used the tip of the toy to gather your slick between your legs, nudging against your very center, making you jump a bit at the foreign feeling. He smiled like the devil himself as he covered it in your own personal lubrication, before it entered you, making you sigh. It definitely couldn't match up to his own length, that was something you immediately noticed, but once he clicked a button, your whines started to sound in the room, making him smile at the view of your squirming form. Oh how long he'd imagined about this exact moment, the way you moved even more bewitching as he could've imagined to be. His mind tried to burn the image into its memory, the way your toes curled, your hands grabbed the sheets, or how your hips moved in a rhythm only you seemed to feel. "hmm, so sweet. You look absolutely divine like that pretty baby." He hummed, before turning the intensity up, making you gasp a bit. He chuckled, moving the vibrator around a bit so the additional small detail close to the switches and buttons pressed against your clit, making you huff out deliciously. He'd always been addicted to your sounds, the way you responded to him oh so well- he felt like he was watching a goddess unravel in his bed, as cheesy as it may sounded. The way you trusted him, gave yourself to him, let him control you like this- it made him feel as if he was on drugs, higher than he could ever get from any substance people used to cloud their minds with. He didn't need anything illegal or toxic to set himself free and let his mind reset back into place. Not when he had someone like you at his mercy, ready to be played with however he may wanted.

As his free hand moves to fondle your breast, kneading the flesh in an almost massaging way and kissing you silly, you yelled out his name as you came undone, breaking apart just to be put together by him later. Your mouth was open in a silent scream, and as he spotted the small strand of saliva still connecting you both he couldn't stop himself from letting a drop of his own fall onto your tongue, pupils dilating at the way you simply swallowed, uncaring how just plain dirty this entire tiny gesture just was. God he'd buy you an entire kennel full of dogs if it meant he'd get to see you like this, all his and his only. He decided to not enter you as you still whined from overstimulation, taking the toy out of you as you weakly reached for him, asking him to help you sit on a little. He helped you as you clumsily tokk him into your mouth, eyes closed and pace steady as he began to groan under his breath, brushing his hand through your hair as he fondly looked down onto your head, lips around him so perfectly that it didn't take him long to suddenly gasp out, giving him no time to warn you. Yet he only felt you swallow before letting him go, his tip sensitive making him hiss a bit, breathing heavy. "God you're perfect." He breathed out, kissing you feverishly as he slowly calmed down, laying on the bed, toy long forgotten on the floor next to the mattress.

You woke up as you felt something cold and weirdly damp against your inner thighs, spotting Jungkooks naked torso as he took out another babywipe, cleaning you with gentle movements. The soft smell of the wet tissues made you smile a bit, as Jungkook used one to clean himself up as well before joining you in bed again, pulling the covers over you. "I really mean it you know." He said, and you hummed questioningly. "I know I don't say it very often if at all but.." he looked at your face with fondness, before he pulled you closer again, letting you rest your head on his bare chest. "I really love you." He said silently, and you smiled, kissing his skin as he placed one to your shoulder, his hand running along your spine.

"I really love you too, Jungkookie." You said, before falling asleep, content and happy in his arms.

"I can't wait to see you holding the pink leash of the cute little princess."

"Do you mean the dog or you? Because I wouldn't mind holding eithe- OW, WHY DID YOU HIT ME?!"

#bts #bts imagine #bts fic #bts smut #bts fanfic #jungkook #jungkook imagine #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts reactions #jungkook smut

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hes-writer · 4 years

Text

Benefit of the Doubt

Summary: Harry makes a list and Y/N finds it

Warnings: angst

Word Count: 1.6k

Based on: a request made by @killerstyles :)

Harry’s mother always said that if you love someone; you would do your absolute best to be by their side, through the good times and the bad. There was no denying that Harry loves Y/N—everyone around them could see it. Somehow, they couldn’t. Harry wished that he wasn’t dating Serena. Don’t get him wrong, she was a nice, easygoing person. However, it seemed that her heart belonged to her ex-boyfriend and Harry wasn’t sulking over it too much. Y/N wished that he didn’t see her as just a friend.

“So you break up with Serena and get together with Y/N,” Mitch concluded, “Easy solution.”

Harry sighed, slouching lower on the leather couch as he swept his sweaty palm over his face. He bit his lower lip in thought, explaining that it wasn’t that easy.

As much as he’d like to say that the media doesn’t control him and that his fans’ opinions didn’t matter; they truly did. Serena did not deserve to be put in a place of endless scrutiny about who dumped whom, nor did Y/N have to be catapulted in the spotlight for being his (possible) girlfriend. Neither woman needed the bad attention that came for being with him and Harry felt guilty.

“It’s not that easy,” Harry repeated with a slight shake of his head.

“Either way, someone’s gonna talk,” Adam nodded in agreement with Mitch. “You can’t please everyone, H”

“How about this,” Mitch quipped, eyes bulging as an idea conjured in his mind. “You make a list, pros and cons of Serena and Y/N,”

“Why would I do that?”

“Both of them are gonna get hurt. It’s just a matter of lessening the consequences.”

_____

“Well?” Adam asked with a raised brow, tapping the pen against the sheet of paper.

“Serena is nice but she’s not Y/N,” He answered, scanning the list one more time before making his final decision.

His cellphone was tossed in his lap, the device skimming of his taut stomach before landing on the carpeted floor of the studio.

“Make your call so we can get back to work,” Mitch directed, glancing at Harry who was currently searching for Serena’s name on his contact list.

_____

Another day at the studio meant long hours spent trying to find the right mix of sounds to make a song. He usually did not mind but after his phone call with Y/N a few days ago went thoroughly well, Harry was excited to enter the building.

He had confessed to her—over the phone— and she responded in a surprised manner. Y/N suggested talking it over in person but their schedules didn’t sync up for a private conversation. Instead, they had to settle for when Harry was at the studio and Y/N had a two-hour gap between her classes.

The atmosphere of the room shifted as soon as Y/N entered the room carrying a bag of sandwiches for the band. Mitch was tuning his guitar as he was set to go in the booth right after Harry. Adam was going over some tricky rhythm with Sarah by the drums.

Nonetheless, the band paused their actions to greet her with hugs and smile, granted that she had become close to them over time.

“Hey guys, I brought sandwiches,” Y/N passed around the meals, each of them thanking her for her kindness. Glancing at Harry, he gave her a thumbs up while singing into the microphone, one hand grasping the bulky headphone.

“Something going on between you two?” Charlotte teased, catching the attention of Mitch and Adam.

Y/N blushed lightly, not used to the fact that Harry had a crush on her.

“Not really,” She said, proceeding to walk to the trash bin to toss the oily plastic bag.

“Don’t be coy, Y/N,” The peach-haired woman mused, chuckling lightly at her shy friend.

“Really! Nothing’s going on,” Y/N looked at Harry once more before dropping the plastic in the bin. She couldn’t help but notice a crumpled piece of paper with her name on it. “What’s this?”

Adam shifted abruptly in his seat, alarm flooding his eyes as he looked at Mitch. “It’s just a—“

Serena

PROS

famous

a model

already has a nice body

beautiful

can travel a lot

social

CONS

can be dramatic sometimes

spoiled

allergic to cats (can’t play with evie :(

Y/N

PROS

goes to university (smart!!!)

nice personality

cute

amazing friend

CONS

shy

doesn’t have a lot of friends

reads too much

stays home instead of going out

can’t cook

normal

“Y/N! I’m so glad you’re here, honey” Harry greeted after pushing the heavy door open. A kiss was planted to her cheek and she could sense him giving her a wide smile.

“Shy…doesn’t have a lot of friends…reads too much,” Y/N mumbled quietly, only then did Harry realize what the piece of paper she held read, “stays home instead of going out...can’t cook,”

Harry could feel sweat building at the nape of his neck, tension overtaking the room. Mitch’s fingers stopped plucking the strings of the guitar and the metronome was clicking at a beat that represented Harry’s heart pounding hard in his chest.

“Normal?”

The crack in her words broke Harry’s heart more than seeing her watery eyes looking up at him. He could close his eyes and pretend that the woman he loves was grinning up to him but he can never erase the sound of her voice replaying over and over with such sorrow.

“Y/N, it’s not what you think,” He tried to grab the sheet from her hands, only to have her pull it out of his reach.

“What is this, Harry?”

There was a resonant gulp from the three guys in the room, Charlotte and Sarah quickly realized the gravity of the situation and dismissed themselves from the room, tugging the sleeves of Adam and Mitch with them.

Y/N gave them a grateful smile, shifting her attention back on Harry.

Sweat beaded on his temples, wishing that he had never made the list in the first place, knowing that his decision was as clear as day and self-doubt showed up and kicked him in the ass.

“I just wanted to make the right decision,” He finally admitted, hands grabbing at Y/N’s wrist in an attempt to better the situation. There was no use lying or denying the fact that he did it. It was in his handwriting.

“So you point out my flaws? Compare them to somebody else? You of all people should know how much this hurts me,”

Harry’s mind flashed back a couple of months ago when Y/N almost broke off their friendship. Her reasoning being that her acquaintance with the famous ‘Harry Styles’ has garnered her legitimate threats and worldly advice that someone like her should never be around someone like him.

And to think that he told her to brush it off because he had a date with Serena, leaving Y/N dumbfounded. It’s not like she needed his permission to leave his circle—she just thought that maybe he cared enough to comfort her with wise words of wisdom twice his age.

“What’s wrong with being normal, huh? Can’t be seen with plain, old Y/N?” She questioned while lifting her arms in the air, fingers clenching from how hard she was gripping the sheet.

“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong with you, Y/N!” his voice was pitched higher than usual, panic seeping in his tone. He was going to lose her before she was in his arms. “It was a stupid list. I never should have made it in the first place.”

Y/N scoffed, “You were weighing out your options. I understand. Why would you want to be with someone like me when you can have her”

The disdain in her voice was obvious. She spat the words out before she could realize the effect it had on the man in front of her. Y/N was way past trying o be civil the moment she realized that he wasn’t who she thought he was. Not like he thought of her anyway.

“Why are you focusing on the bad?” Harry cringed for lack of a better word. Her ‘cons’ weren’t necessarily bad, just minor flaws that were inferior to Serena’s outgoing personality.

The glare he received made him cower back slightly on his heels. Despite being taller, Harry felt intimidated by the girl. Truthfully, she was flattered by the ‘pros’ because it made her feel like she stood out. It made her feel special to know that he thought of her that way. However, she can’t ignore his written retorts about her and the fact that he felt the need to write them down, comparing her to a previous fling that embodies what she lacked was what hurt the most.

“Because I can’t change them, Harry! Those flaws make me who I am,” She stuck a finger on her chest, neck craning to as if to yell, but actually doing so to make him see her point. “You should know better than anyone,” Her disappointed sigh made Harry want to scold himself even more. The crease on her forehead disappeared, her eyebrows dropping because she wasn’t angry at him anymore like she initially was. Tired eyes scoping his guilty features as her mouth turned down at the corners, shaming him—a frown.

Y/N could handle criticism from people she didn’t know—people that judged her from what they see on the surface because they didn’t know who she was. It was a bearable pain, unlike this one. This pain came from Harry—the man who admitted his feelings for her through the phone because they were too busy to mutually agree on an in-person confrontation of their feelings. The Harry who let her—a stranger in a cafe— sob in his arms while she broke down, too shy to ask for something until he noticed her timid features, his soft dimpled smile comforting her immediately. It seemed so distant, having known each other for a short time but it still felt like they were childhood friends. Their bond was strong, sharing deep secrets and buried insecurities only to have him use it against her.

-------

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nuttytani · 3 years

Text

Just like a movie

fandom: ikevamp

pairing: vlad x gn!reader

words: 2000+

warnings: mentions of food and that's pretty much it

a/n- this was my secret santa gift for my dear friend: @jiyuu-chan ! + if you enjoyed it; feedback is highly appreciated!

People say that you are meant to meet a special someone in your life. Someone who would change everything, who would complete you like a piece of a puzzle- someone you are destined to be with from the moment you are born, a string of fate tying you closer.

Soulmates have a special bond with each other; a red string that is attached to their pinky- which can only be seen by them. Such is drilled into every child’s brain from a young age.

When you were younger, your father would always tell you stories of how he had met his soulmate, his wife...your mother. It was otherworldly he said, like nothing else- an indescribable moment, and he wanted you to just know when you had met yours.

“One day, you’ll also meet your one and only, sweetheart!”

“Really? But…. how will I know?”

“Really! It’s simple. You’ll see a red-,” your dad said- looking a little too excited.

“DARLING- STOP! DIDN’T WE DISCUSS THIS!?? Don’t annoy the poor child…,” your mother screeched from the kitchen as she stormed to your place- giving her husband a sharp look before turning to look at you, “sweety- you’ll know when that day comes, alright? Why don’t you go play, hmm?”

You only nodded meekly, and rushed upstairs- glad to have your dad stop talking. Your parents’ banter was now muffled, but your mind was clouded with thoughts of what your father was about to say. Perhaps your mother was right...it’s better not to know to keep the moment special.

As you grew up, from kindergarten, primary school to highschool and finally college; you stood by and watched most of your friends find their other half- until you were the only one left. You’d always feel a dull pang in your heart...what if you were destined to be alone for life? When were you going to meet your soulmate? Will people keep on taunting you? These thoughts would lurk in your head, until you couldn’t think anymore. But now you were older and more carefree than before, such thoughts didn’t bother you any longer- at least not completely.

Every once in a while, your family and friends would dreamily tell you about their experience, while you’d just listen and nod. An exhausting cycle, where all your concerns would come rushing back to you. Then, of course, they’d never forget to ask about your nonexistent love life... It wasn’t fun to watch them shoot you a sympathetic smile and say “don’t worry, your time will come soon!”

Truly, having a soulmate or not didn’t matter to you, at least that’s what you think. It wasn’t uncommon for few people to be ‘alone’ although that was quite rare and an unfortunate occurrence. Why was it so hard for people to leave you alone? Real life isn't a romantic movie, like everyone would depict it as.

“There we go! I think that’s it now,” the strawberry brunette sighed as he placed the vase of wildflowers on the coffee table.

“Finally! I’m so tired,” you groaned, slipping to the floor as your back pushed against the couch.

Fumbling with the book in your hands, you motioned the man to sit beside you- not too long after, he too sat lamely next to you on the cold hardwood. Exactly five hours passed since you and your friend Charles began organizing your new house. The two of you were working nonstop- tirelessly to get the place looking more liveable and comfortable. It was a struggle, but the effort was worth it.

“You know...you owe me for this big time,” Charles announced cheekily.

“Spill it. What do you want Charlot?” Brows shot up your forehead, you knew that smile all too well.

“First of all...stop calling me ‘Charlot’ it’s weird! Only Faust calls me that. And to answer your question- I would like to eat your pancakes.” He flashed you a toothy grin.

“Sure whatever you say Charlot,” you snickered, “with coffee?”

“Uh-huh!”

With a roll of your eyes, you stood up and threw the book on the couch before heading to the kitchen. Straight away- you pulled out the mixing bowl and sieved the dry ingredients, while humming to a tune that was stuck in your head.

About a week had passed since you moved into your new house, it was a decent place and safe neighbourhood. But the best part about it was the fact that your house was a five minute walk from town. That meant no more lazy drives to the market, quite the bonus actually.

Remembering a task- you shouted to Charles, “Can you be a sweetheart and do me a favour?”

“Ask away child, your wish is my command,” he said with a flourish of his hands.

“Haha very funny- go get the mail”

“No no no- you’re forgetting something. What’s the magic word~” he sang in a high pitch.

“...Monsieur Charlie, can you please get the mail,” you huffed in annoyance.

Sounds of pancake sizzling and boiling of the kettle filled the kitchen, you were too busy flipping the pancake to notice Charles' presence back in the living room. His eyes were squinting hard at the brown box and some mail sitting snugly between his arms. He looked back and forth between the parcel and your back before he cleared his throat, capturing your attention.

“Hey uhh...is your home address 216b?”

“No. It’s 215b- why do you ask?”

“Are you sure? Because your mail says-”

Before the man could complete his sentence; you snatched the package from him- your eyes widening momentarily.

“I suppose the addresses got mixed up…” Charles muttered

“Yea looks like it…”

The two of you just stared at the package, not knowing what to do. Your first thought was to drop it off at the right address. The house was just in front of yours, it shouldn’t be a problem and maybe you could introduce yourself to your neighbour at the same time.

A smoky scent filled the living, interrupting your train of thoughts; your nose scrunching up in disgust- “What’s that smell?”

The two of you stared at each other quizzically before exclaiming at the same time “THE PANCAKES!!”

[Unfortunately, it took a great deal of time trying to scrape the burnt pancake off your pan and clean it. The unknown package was the last thing on your mind.]

“Thanks for the help Charles, I appreciate it.” You smiled at him.

“No problem, after all, I got to eat a good meal in turn,” he gave you a wink before bidding his byes.

The sky lost its pale blue colour and was now transformed into soft red and violet, all blending in to create a beautiful gradient with specks of white clouds adorning like freckles. A mop of unfamiliar silvery hair passed by your peripheral as you stared up the sky, taking a shy glance towards the man.

You stared at his back discreetly as he fumbled with the keys before opening the entrance to his house.

‘216b’ the golden letters glistened.

Huh. So that’s your neighbour! Maybe now’s the time you give him back the parcel, and that’s what you did.

You knocked thrice on the emerald green door, while balancing the huge brown box on your other arm- waiting patiently while you internally panicked. Your hands started to sweat and the box started to slip. Rushed footsteps echoed from the other side before halting suddenly, the green door opened with a start; giving you a little shock.

Once again, you were met with the silvery haired man; his garnet red eyes flickered to yours and at that moment- you felt as if everything froze around you. Your heart started to beat way too fast, and your breathing became shallow- it felt as if you were underwater. A tingling sensation ran up your left hand, your eyes flashed down to see whatever the problem was- only to be met with a scarlet thread wrapped around your pinky. You looked at the man in clear surprise and he too- looked very taken aback as he followed your eyes.

The silence stretched far too long for your liking, with a clear of your throat- you introduced yourself to the perplexed man and spoke

“...I’m the new neighbour”

“Bonjour, how can I help you?” He stared at you with wide eyes.

“So err- the package— I mean...I-I believe this is your mail?” You motioned to the box in your arms, “Looks like the mailman mixed up our home addresses.” You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Ahh! Why yes- actually I have yours as well- the mail I mean,” his eyes softened in understanding, “Please! Come inside.” He invited you in as he took the parcel from your hands.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” You shook your head meekly, still recovering from your speeding heartbeat.

“Not at all! Come in, please,” he insisted with shining eyes.

The house was similar to yours, the same white walls with wooden floors and fixtures- it had a relaxing ambience. You spotted several plants and flowers decorating the house, giving the place a much more peaceful vibe, you were too busy admiring the place to notice your neighbour returning.

He placed two plates of strawberries and tea on the coffee table which caught your attention.

“You have a lovely home uhh…”

“Vlad. I’m Vlad- my apologies, I completely forgot to introduce myself. How rude of me,” Vlad said with a slight smile.

When you turned up his doorsteps, you had no idea of what was to come- you definitely didn’t expect to finally meet your soulmate after all these years and in such a way. Now you understood what people meant by ‘feeling butterflies’

“No, it’s quite alright,” you chuckled while calming your jittery hands.

Vlad took a seat on the couch and pat the place next to him for you to sit. He elegantly picked the teacup and blew softly on it.

“So, how long have you been here?” he asked.

“Not too long actually, been just a week. I’ve finally finished organizing today,” you said while taking a bite into the deep red strawberry- the sweet juiciness making you sigh in delight.

“These strawberries are particularly my favourite- in fact, these were in the parcel you brought,” Vlad said with a deep laugh.

You gave an awkward ‘oh’ as you took a sip from your cup.

Not too long after, the awkwardness disappeared as you two got lost in conversation after conversation and more endless conversation, and a few giggles in between. It was quite easy to trust Vlad- he had a calming and serene aura and had you feeling comfortable in no time, perhaps too comfortable that you didn’t realize how late it was until you glanced at your wristwatch.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry- I lost track of time…”

Vlad gave a hum of acknowledgement as he eyed the wall clock, “It’s not that late.” He looked at you with twinkling eyes, ”Why don’t you stay for dinner? I’d like some company.”

“Hmm I don't know… I’ve overstayed my welcome,” You said with furrowed brows.

“Well I for sure know you haven’t —as I’ve said—I enjoyed your company.”

“Ahh fine! You’re good at tempting people you know?” With a grin, you folded your arms which earned a hearty chuckle from Vlad.

Dinner went smoothly as you two chattered on and on. The two of you stalled your return home but stayed in each other’s presence by washing dishes, eating dessert, extra dessert, and washing dishes yet again until there was nothing left to do.

Once again, you stood at Vlad’s doorstep with a meek smile.

“I had fun, thanks for having me”

“Me too- and it’s not often to find that your neighbour is your soulmate,” Vlad gave you an impish smile.

“Yea— it was, just like—”

“Just like a movie?”

“You stole my words, monsieur.”

“Perhaps this is our movie,” he said while tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

a/n: if you enjoyed reading this, please don't forget to leave a like and/or reblog. feed back is always appreciated. + join my taglist here

#tani writes!!#vlad x reader #ikevamp vlad #ikemen vampire vlad #ikevamp fanfiction #ikevamp fanfic #ikemen vampire fanfiction #ikevamp vlad fanfic #vlad fanfic #reader insert #ikemen vampire vlad fanfiction #ikevamp oneshot #ikevamp #ikevam charles #ikevam faust #ikevamp charles #ikevamp faust

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ddarker-dreams · 4 years

Text

Home. Yan!Shigaraki x Reader [COMM]

Japan brings with it a plethora of memories.

Memories ranging from the highest of your life to the lowest. Times that you can recall with a special fondness, reserved in your heart for the rest of your life. But always balanced out with numerous hurts, times that you wish you could erase from your mind. All of it remains a mixed bag within you, serving only to befuddle your true feelings further as you get off the plane.

Going through customs felt surreal, the bustle of the airport one that struck you with a sense of nostalgia. The people, the scents, the sights -- it all left you with a weary heart, but you had already expected to feel this way. Returning wasn’t an easy decision, the dividing thought leaving you with numerous restless nights.

But ultimately, your choice has been made. With suitcases in hand, you look down towards your phone. Traveling always sounds nice in theory, but jet lag and exhaustion were taking you hostage. Still, it won’t do to get tired now; you still need to make it to your new apartment after all.

‘If I could survive that long flight in economy class, I can last through one more Uber drive.’

Blurry images of the airport scenery go by, the music in the car all but tuned out by your chaotic thoughts. It all reminds you of how you left in such a hurry in the first place, in the dead of night. How conflicted you were then -- constantly doubting your decision and wondering if you should just turn back.

But turning back to Shigaraki at the time didn’t feel like a viable option.

You don’t think of it as running away from your problems. Even if that’s what it may sound like, you tried all you reasonably could do. From countless heart to heart discussions, to tearful phone calls. All of it fell on deaf ears, or worse, served to irritate him. Neither of you would back down from your given positions, despite the care you shared for one another. The care that led you to overlook your own morals for a time being.

Shigaraki was always someone who was firmly planted in his ways, and didn’t care for having his morals challenged. Though he was considerably more tolerable towards your verbal opposition than anyone else would even have the opportunity to attempt, it didn’t mean he’d change his mind in the end.

So you left. It’s bizarre to believe that eight months have already passed since then, eight months of your life being vastly different than before. Even when you weren’t in Japan, you would still hear news reports of the League of Villain's activities. Every time a headline popped up of what was happening, it made your stomach drop.

His hold over you didn’t feel as less constricting as you had originally hoped it would. Even if he was no longer physically with you during those times, you could still almost imagine his presence by your side. His mannerisms, what he would say to you if he was there. The nightmare never ended, it only got worse as the days went on. Shigaraki would never stop haunting you.

Which leads to where you are now. Having left the car with a quiet thank you, staring up at your new apartment building. Getting your keys from the main office, you desire nothing more than for this to be a positive beginning in your life. If leaving Japan didn’t help you feel any better, it only made sense for you to come back. There’s no place like home, after all.

But you’ll still be living your life on the down low. It’s unnerving, since the League never stayed in one area for long. If you knew where they were hiding now, you would gladly put as much distance between yourself and them as possible. But given the nature of Shigaraki’s vision, they were always on the move.

Turning your keys until you hear a click, your last burst of energy goes into opening the door. Inside showcased an apartment devoid of furniture, but still your new home nonetheless. With a deep sigh, you tug your heavy luggage through the door frame.

‘I’ll at least need to unpack some things before I can sleep…’

Briskly walking to the sink, you splash cold water onto your face in a desperate attempt to stay awake. Your new mattress won’t be delivered until tomorrow, so sleeping on the floor is all you can do for the time being. Shaking your head at the thought, you sluggishly get to work.

Grabbing your favorite blanket and pillow, you lazily throw it where your bed will soon take its place. Everything else can wait for tomorrow, it’s not like you’ll have any company to entertain. With the sun already having set thirty minutes ago, you close your blinds and gratefully lay down.

Even if it’s on the floor, it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders to finally relax.

It doesn’t take long for sleep to find you, all of your pent up emotions and nonstop thinking having sapped all your energy. All you can hope for, as your heavy eyelids flutter shut, is that tomorrow will be the fresh start that you have longed for.

---

“Mnh…”

Rubbing your eyes, you almost panic for a moment at your new surroundings. Before recalling all that had occurred, and that this place is your home now.

‘What time is it…?’

Blindly groping around your pillow for your phone, your eyes squint in pain at the bright screen. Displaying that it’s only 11:25 PM, and that you only had been asleep for a few hours. The effects of sleeping on the floor make themselves known, your back aching at the lack of proper support.

Grimacing at the throbbing discomfort, you put your phone down before sitting up with a yawn. With intention to get up and soothe your dry throat with a drink, you never get the chance before a voice pierces through the dark.

“All that running sure must’ve been exhausting.”

Jumping at the sound of a lower voice in your pitch black room, your eyes rapidly dart around for the possible source. Breathing growing unsteady, you feel your lips tremble at the thought of a stranger in your apartment. Would your quirk be useful enough in fending them off?

Hugging your knees against your chest in a reflexive response, your mind scrambles to come up with a plan.

Reaching to grab your phone out of desperation, you finally let out a weak response. “W-who’s there? I’ll call the police!”

“Like that’d do any good.” The voice responds in a mocking lilt. Like a sudden wave crashing over you, you’re finally able to discern through your fatigued state who this is. You feel as if you’re being dragged beneath the waves, the air all but smacked from your lungs.

‘That’s--!’

Footsteps approach you slowly, methodically. You feel frozen, incapable of even forming a coherent thought. As the person gets closer, you realize you need to run. But before you can even get the opportunity, you feel a foreboding weight around your shoulders.

And four fingers tapping against your bare skin.

“Did you forget about me, [First]?”

You know that voice all too well. The fact that even sleep managed to dull your guess of who it was is astonishing, but no longer do you feel uncertain of who it is. Goosebumps line your exposed skin, the sound of your own shaky breathing filling the otherwise silent room.

“Sh-Shigaraki…?”

“So you didn’t,” he responds with a low, humorless snicker. Tightening his grip around you, you can feel his hair tickling your face. “I’m glad I don’t have to remind you of that, at least.”

Swallowing thickly, you feel tears prickling the edge of your eyes. There are too many overwhelming things on your mind, too many questions without answers and silent pleads. It all feels too suffocating, air becoming a luxury that you miss. In the moment, all you can will yourself to do is choke out your next words.

“How,” you exhale shakily, mind screaming your tongue drier than sandpaper. “How did you find me?”

For a brief moment, you feel his coarse fingers cease their previous drumming movements. In a motion that could only be described as flinching, Shigaraki quickly recovers himself while answering your question with a malicious bite.

“After all this time, that’s what you want to say to me?” Shigaraki growls out towards you, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut. You desperately wish that none of this is real, that the cruel events unfolding before your very eyes are all but a dream.

From all the time that you had spent with Shigaraki, you had grown accustomed to his mannerisms. Being able to pick up on every little nuance of his words, to what every twitch of his muscles meant. But now, you feel incapable of doing just that. Is it bitterness hidden in his words? Disappointment, frustration? Something tells you that it’s all of that, and more.

“Whatever. I’ll humor you with the answer. Imagine my surprise, I get a phone call from Toga. I was barely able to understand her at first, her voice was so frantic and excited,” Shigaraki pauses for a moment, recalling the prior events. “Eventually, she manages to explain that ‘big sis [First]’ is back. And well… here we are.”

At first you didn’t pick up on it, but there’s a slight tremble in Shigaraki’s voice. You realize now how difficult he’s trying to hold himself together, feeling his body shaking against your own. Each of his words come out more forced than the last, almost as if a lump was forming in his throat.

Unable to conjure up a response fast enough, you hear Shigaraki’s labored breathing growing more unsteady.

“Well? Say something! Don’t just sit there.”

All false impressions of control start to slip through his fingers, true emotions no longer being able to hide. Cracks beneath the surface reveal to you just how much pain he is in, the mere thought enough to tug on your own battered heartstrings even more. You open your mouth, wondering if there’s anything you can say to diffuse the situation.

He clings to you tighter.

“Shigaraki… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you sniffle, small sobs unable to be suppressed any longer. His muscles tense at the sound of you crying, a battle within ensuing. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t take the violence, t-the constant living in fear! I don’t know, I don’t know…”

Much to your surprise, a rough hand wipes away the tears leaving your dampened eyes. Jaw agape, you feel deft fingers working hard to dry your skin. You remember long ago how he told you once that he hated seeing you cry, that it made him unsure of what to do.

Hiccuping, you feel your lip tremble at your next question. “Are you going to kill me too now?”

“I don’t know, probably not. Just… just stop crying already.”

Shaking your head, you know the waterworks won’t be stopping anytime soon. Now it was your turn to take Shigaraki by surprise, stuffing your head against his chest to muffle your own cries. He subconsciously moves his fingers to make sure they don’t all touch you at once, and you feel how tense he becomes at your unexpected touch.

Eventually, he places a tentative few digits against your back, awkwardly attempting to soothe you. It all brings you to the pinnacle of your emotions, unable to hold back your full fledged sobs any longer. Gripping onto the fabric of his hoodie, you take in his familiar scent. Shigaraki begins gnawing on his lip, having not expected his confrontation to go like this.

He eventually returns your serpent tight hug, placing his head into the crook of your neck.

“Don’t think you’re getting off easy,” Shigaraki finally grumbles against your skin, his own emotions too unsteady to even understand. “I’m not ever letting you out of my sight again.”

#shigaraki tomura #tomura shigaraki #shigaraki tomura imagine #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki imagine #my hero academia #my hero academia imagine #yandere my hero academia #yandere #yandere x you #yandere x reader #bnha #bnha imagines #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #yandere bnha #my stuff #commissions

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manjuhitorie · 3 years

Text

Interview with Shinoda - Guitar Magazine March 2021 - English Translation

I began to wonder "What have I been deeming as ‘good’ all along?"

-Thank you for coming all the way out here. To kick it off I’d like to ask what the story behind the title ‘REAMP’ is.

AMP is like the recording mechanism, correct. I recorded by re-amping a lot this album, after it was recommended to me by our engineer. I recreated most of the sound in an amp simulator, sampled it at home on a line-in, then brought that in to the studio. There I sent the line-in signal to the guitar amps, recorded the sound coming from the amp, and voila. This way the guitar playing and the sound engineering become two separate things. At home I focus on the recording, at the studio I focus on the mixing.

-That’s a great way to localize your focus.

Though my workload multiplies (laughs).

-Ultimately you’re spending even more time focusing (laughs).

Yep (laughs). To put a long story short, we dipped our feet into new techniques for this album. So when it came down to deciding the title, 'Restart' or 'Reload' or any words with the prefix 'RE' were among consideration, but we couldn't find a good one. When at last I remembered that I had re-amped (laugh). I proposed the idea, it clicked with everyone, and now here we are.

-A bit of a double meaning to it then. What felt the most different this time in regards to the new techniques?

Back when wowaka was with us, he was the ultimate judge over whether a take or sound was good or bad. But now I have to be the judge and the one who takes the rudder myself... The main difference is that I need to become the axis now. When I was alone at home it hit me just how little I had a sense of good and bad (laughs). I began to wonder "What have I been deeming as ‘good’ all along?”.

-I see. What do you find difficult about singing and playing Hitorie’s music?

I found that I don’t have much leadership (laughs). I’m more fit for the sidelines and such... I’ve had a long career of being the lead guitarist, wherein there’s always been another leader figure above me who’s actions I’ve responded to and taken my own approach to.... A correspondent presence in a way....

—Then the necessity for a number one in command popped up.

Yep. It was like, I was really in a pinch back there. If I was to get anywhere, before anything I needed to establish my own standards of good and bad. I looked back at the music I’ve loved throughout my life, and started from there.

-Were you able to establish your own judgment through this album then?

I did what I could do. But, I’m still missing something... I don’t think it’s something you can find through just one album. I still haven’t, and there’s parts of the album that I still feel my optimization was lacking. I feel that I want to make a more polished, less rugged around the edges, piece. I’ve only established the groundwork for now. Such as what makes good music, the rhythm, pitch and so on. The basics.

-What makes good music ‘good’ to you, Shinoda?

Hmm... Phrase before sound... I think there needs to be a phrase before anything. To put it simply, the music needs to be what’s encouraging the phrases. Whatever achieves that the most effectively tends to be what I deem as good music. There’s a bunch of options when it comes to even strumming one chord. To use a single coil, a humbucker, a P-10.... Not to mention that strumming different will change how a chord resonates. Each note has its own goodness scale as well. Contemplating all that is what makes music.

-When I look at your music itself, I can see how this came into play as well. The phrases themselves have become less complex, while the riffs have become even more powerful. Especially ‘curved edge’, a killer tune even among the rest.

My bandmates and I each pitched in to write the music for REAMP, I wrote 10 while they wrote 1 each initially, basically I had to write a lot (laughs). And the last and final piece I wrote was ‘curved edge’.

-I see.

We intentionally lessened the riff-tastic music, we were eschewing following the old ‘Hitorie formula’. I made more chilled out downers. But the more I did it, the less interested I noticed my bandmates become (laughs). It didn’t click with me myself either, and it didn’t bring us together much. I thought I was doomed to never write a song that would properly fit Hitorie.. When I got the idea to write a song that mixed intense riffs and modern beats, ‘That I might be able to do’.

-In a way you wrote that song at wit’s end.

From there I drew inspiration from K-Pop. Stuff like Blackpink. Wherein you can’t discern if the climax of the song lies in the hook or the riff. I found that interesting, thus can the climax of ‘curved edge’ be found in the riff. Enough that the hook is the riff itself. When I told the members, their reaction was positive as well.

-It fits the modern Hitorie. In a previous interview Yumao (drummer), when looking back on Hitorie’s history, had mentioned that Hitorie could write music without a peep, after so many years together. Following this change to your writing formula, is that feat still possible, have your exchanges with your bandmates changed as well?

-When it comes to my written pieces, well... It depends on the song. For ‘curved edge’, ygarshy and I didn’t share a word. While we were making the demo song, I asked him to ‘Just play bass that works with this’, and with that little information he actually pulled off something incredible. I was like ‘Holy shit’ (laughs).

-The first verse alone is a stroke of talent (laughs). How about the drums?

The beat is unlike anything Yumao had played for Hitorie before. 4/4 beats were always our go-to, but we tried to venture a little into unknown territory. So I handled the director job quite a bit, the drums may be the aspect I directed the most actually. It turns out that my concept of beat is completely different from wowaka’s.

-What do you mean exactly?

-I’m probably not... as much as wowaka.. No wait. I can’t say this for sure but, he was someone who was creative with his beats, so he tended to conjure up ones that would be virtually unplayable in context. I make up beats that are out of control sometimes too but. I stick to the rules, or, how to put it... Even when I make up a brand new beat, the voice in the back of my head will tell me ‘Wait, there’s rules’.

-I see. So wowaka wouldn’t bother with the rules much.

I haven’t put much deep thought into wowaka’s perception of beats until now though, this is only a quick assessment from my experiences. Though near the end, it seemed like his mindset changed to ‘It’s better if I let Yumao play however he desires’. Imyself haven’t reached that level yet.

“I need my love for guitar to grow even more, I say.“

-Allow me to ask you about the guitar solos. In the songs ‘Marshall A’ and ‘dirty’ are the solos in abundance and in the spotlight. What do you deem as good and bad in terms of guitar solos?

For me there’s only two types of guitar solos. You either play well, or you don’t (laughs).

-That’s a strict guideline (laughs). How do discern between the two?

It ultimately depends on the song. I like solos that are played “poorly”, such as by Momo Kazuhiro of MO’SOME TONEBENDER. I think their’s are awesome. When each and every note of a solo is poignant, it actually brings out the charm of electric guitar. So I think that solos can be wonky as hell, or precise as hell. Or in the middle is okay too. I like solos that are catchy with proper phrases to them even. Like HI-STANDARD’s ‘Fighting Fists, Angry Soul’, the solo could be a song on its own. It depends on what fits with the song. In regards to the solos of Marshall A, they fall into......

-The ‘Played well and proper’ solos.

That’s it. The song kicks off with unsteady distorted notes, but the solos are clean, it’s gap moe.

-The tone is clean as well. Did you intend for it to be gap moe?

To a degree. Like, 'is this really that kinda song' (laughs). On the other hand, when it came to 'dirty' the song has always been nothing but alternative rock style since the get-go.

-The solos are full of grunge and fuzz after all. ygarshy wrote that song, correct.

'Cause ygarshy and I are the same age from the same generation, our ideas match up as well.... For this song, it was like the Nishikawa Susumu idea- (laughs).

-I see (laughs). Back to what you said earlier, that your "optimization was lacking". How would you like to evolve as a guitarist?

I don't think I'm Hitorie's guitarist anymore. In the current world I'm in I'm not just a guitarist, I'm a singer-song writer, and that's become my primary focus. Yet despite that guitar is still absolutely a must for me. It brings the physical world and the world of music together better than anything. Thinking about it, my approach towards guitar is probably going to evolve after this as well. Up until I've played as Hitorie's guitarist, adding and adding to the sum of Hitorie's parts (laughs). My attention was always on how to optimize to hell. Going forward my attention is probably going to shift when I play guitar. But that doesn't change the fact that guitar is essential for bands in general, and essential for Hitorie as well..... Aghh, I never thought about what it means to be a guitarist to me up until now (laughs).

-(Laughs).

I think my ideal guitarist self is still far away though. But I've grown a lot by being with my bandmates, and I can't be losing my eagerness to learn. I need my love for guitar to grow even more, I say (laughs). That's where I think I'm lacking. There's still so much about guitar I'm yet to understand, and that's my weak spot. There's a lot for me to reflect on.

Gear: Fender 1963 Jazzmaster The main guitar used in REAMP, a jazzmaster on borrow from wowaka. The serial number points to it being a 1963 issue. The saddle on the bridge has been swapped out to an Astro Notes. Shinoda selects the front for concerts/recordings, and doesn’t use preset switches. The guitar you can hear from the left channel in “High Gain” is this one. While the guitar you can from the right channel is a Tokai LP.

Fender 1965 Jaguar Also on borrow from wowaka, it was heavily used in Hitorie’s previous album ‘HOWLS’. For ‘REAMP’ it was used for the backing of ‘dirty’ and the main riff of ‘Utsutsu’. In regards to the Buzz Stop Bar, Shinoda himself prefers the musical range he can reach without it, but others oft react better when it’s on.

Pedal board: 1 WEED/GCB-95 mod wah 2 BOSS/TU-3W tuner 3 S-Distortion SASAKI 4 Prescription Electronics/Experience 5 Octave Fuzz & Swell 6 Keeley Electronics/Son of Fuzz Head 7 E.W.S./ Arion SCH-Z mod chorus 8 BOSS/PS-6 harmonizer 9 BOSS/DD-20 digital delay 10 Providence/Provolt 9 power supply

His guitar signal inputs at 1, then connects all the way to 8. He adores his 1 because there’s a gain knob on it, and as soon as he turns it on can he drive*. His main distortion pedal is number 3. His standard is to set the volume knob at 12 o’ clock, the tone at 11, and the gain at 8. To give himself a boost in guitar solos he turns on pedal number 5, with the volume set to max. Pedal number 6 found its use in the song ‘(W)HERE’ on Hitorie’s album ‘Imaginary Monofiction’, but recently its fallen out of relevance for him. 7 was used in the song ‘Montage Girl’ on Hitorie’s ’Roomsick Girl’s Escape’, and harmonized phrases in general. He primarily uses 8 for the short delay, and it found usage in ‘curved edge’.

Amplifier: Hiwatt DR103 Custom 100 Marshall 1960 AV The number one weapon is volume. Shinoda’s main amp is this Hiwatt. The reason he started using it was because ’The only thing that could oppose the volume of wowaka’s Matchless amp was a Hiwatt’. The clean sound of it is what brings bass to Shinoda’s playing. For concerts that will be recorded, he sets the EQ bass, mid, and treble knobs all to 11 o’ clock. He sets the presence knob to about 13 o’ clock, but this gets adjusted every performance. This one stays the highest to ensure his music comes up front. He alters the high frequency and the level it pierces the ear with his pedals.

#hitorie #ヒトリエ #interview #Shinoda #REAMP

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oh-theatre · 5 years

Note

Moceit for a holiday fic!!! If you want to!!!

IF I WANT TO?? OFC!! OH MY GOD!! I WOULD LOVE TO! I LOve them and you :D

Oh, I do hope you like it!!

- - - - - - - -

Last Christmas

Words: 1741

Summary: Pattons Christmases only seem to improve

Pairings: Moceit (Patton x Deceit)

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart” Patton sang sweetly, moving carefully through the shop as he works “And the very next day..” He matches the pitch, it seems a mix between a hum and actual words, the lights flicker as they come together “You gave it away..” He clicks the first string lights on as the room fills with color, an overwhelming beauty. He takes another set moving towards another step ladder “This year...to save me from tears” He turns as the familiar jingle of the door rings out “I'll give it to someone...” His eyes fall upon a sophisticated stranger, wrapped in a delicate coat, meeting his eyes alight with curiosity “Special” He barely whispers.

Somewhere along the way, he must have lost his balance, a fight begins as he wobbles trying to remain stable but soon enough finds himself planted defeated on the floor, a growing sore on his back. A quick rush and he notices a shadow sheeted beside him.

“Are you alright?” The voice is much nicer than imagined, not that he had much of a perception. Patton sits up straight taking his back as he does so, the figure helps him stand, keeping a gentle arm on Patton. “That was quite a fall” He muses 

“I've had worse” Patton responds, a flustered smile upon his sweet face. Finally, he can see the man's face, its...in the most professional sense...dazzling. There are just some things that can capture a person in an instant, and this was that. It was hard to look away, his eyes told a story as they welcomed Patton, his face remained smooth and soft, not that Patton would know…

“Would you like some help?” He offers, gesturing to the lights, Patton bites his lower lip watching the man.

“Oh! I wouldn’t want to trouble you!” He removes himself and continues his journey on the stepladder. The man laughs but keeps a steady arm on Patton, wary to let go. He finishes safely jumping down with ease. Neither noticed how close they end up, the man's arms are so respectful and yet intimate. “Patton” He greets with a squeak

“Damien” He recoils, offering a hand as they introduce themselves. Patton takes it shaking it confidently, he watches Damien smirk below his perfect hair. “I apologize, I should be on my way” He rescinds, Patton waves him off his smile remaining ever so sweet. “It's a lovely shop you have,” He says, his eyes finally making his way around the room. The shelves lined with books, the aromatic waft of coffee and promise of sweet treats making its way up to his nose. Patton watches his face, a slow desire grows upon Declan.

“Can I interest you in a cup of coffee?” Patton wonders, Damien sighs nodding nonetheless after a hesitation. “Come” He suggests making his way towards the small coffee shop they’ve set up. He offers Damien a seat as he works quietly on the caffeinated delectable, a soft hum again. “One hot cuppa Joe” Patton gleams handing the stranger a cup.

“You’re too kind,” Damien remarks, he's not usually so…at a loss for words. Something about the way this shopkeeper well…kept himself was different. Damien could watch him for hours, well now he just sounded creepy. “Why don’t you sit?” He says only now realizing that Patton hadn’t stopped working.

“I guess…it couldn’t hurt” He sits, shifting uncomfortably. “I'm sorry, I'm not…

“You don’t like to sit still, I get that” Damien understands, his words feel too casual, he wants to despise this but…it comes naturally. They continue their conversation, can a room truly get brighter should no one add more light to it? It can as they laugh away the evening, humbly waving goodbye at the midnight hour of the snow ridden moon. “Goodnight Patton”

“Good-

~~~

“-Morning dear” Patton greets with a giggle as a less than ecstatic Damien curls his way around Patton, laying his head upon Patton's shoulder. “Oh cheer up, its Christmas!”

“The most wonderful time of the year” Damien mumbles sleepily, Patton laughs turning to him, his arms make their way around his neck. Damien yawns as his own arms rest around Patton's waist now, holding the world in his arms, hoping the wind would never change on them.

“Indubitably!” Patton plants a soft kiss on Damien, a warmth spreads across the taller man. “Now come, I've got cookies in the oven, a few more presents to be wrapped and our parents should be here soon” Patton lists, Damien, groans into his partner's chest.

“I still can't believe you invited them, its gonna be like world war three in here” Damien makes his way around Patton, tickling his waist unintentionally, his finger dipping into the almost empty cookie dough. “Scrumptious!” He delights

“Good! You can clean it” Patton says, stroking his thumb against Damien's cheek lovingly. He pouts but obliges, it's the least he can do after the house had been turned to a winter wonderland. Especially for later that evening…

“How about a tune Damien?” His father requests pointing towards the dusted piano, Patton squeals nodding encouragingly as he cleans away the delicious dinner.

“Oh I…I haven't played in ages” Damien lies, feeling red as the eyes fall on him. He looks to Patton, his safety embracing him as his blue eyes hit him with a tidal of support. Patton sets down the dishes joining Damien by the window “Only if you’ll sing with me” He whispers

“Always Dee” The nickname rolls off so easily. Damien nods after a squeeze from Patton is felt, he sits his eyes remain on Patton. He plays slowly, beginning a familiar tune, Patton places a hand on his back ready to carry his own. “Let it snow, let it snow…let it snow” They finish, light applause but they don’t care. Their eyes lost in each other, the magical evening.

“Any requests?” Patton teases only slightly, Damien laughs he mocks a pointed finger.

“Will you-

~~~

“-Marry me?” Damien feels the cold seep through his pants but he doesn’t care, he cant not as he watches Patton's unmistakable expression, the pure joy as he laughs softly. Damien's hands trembled with the velvet promise of eternal love.

“Yes” He cries carefully, Damien stands to embrace him as the snow continues to fall upon them, he kisses him lightly. Spinning him around, his heart at the full mercy of the giggles released. They pull away clutching to one another. “Yes a million times”

“Oh, Patton don’t cry” Damien begs, the feathery tips of his glove wipe away the small tears that fall from his fiancees face. He kisses his cheek softly, Pattons smile is endless.

“Happy tears my love, I promise,” He says taking Damien's hands “I love you,” He says as he had done so many times, the cold white substance frosting his face. Numbing his joy but he couldn’t care less. Not with the love of his life in his hands, something he never thought he’d experience, or that he deserved. “Come,” He says extending his hand “We are much too excited, let's skate of some of this energy,” He says, feeling the dream hit him.

“That's all I ever wanted to hear,” Damien says taking his hand, as he always has and always would. He wasn’t the best but Patton glided so easily he did enough for the both of them. Spinning fast through the frosty air, what a bright time Damien noted looking deeply at Patton, never wanting to let go. Once they’ve exhausted their legs, and meet each other once more in the snow, Patton examines his finger where a gold band lies.

“Oh my god!” He exclaims, his face in horror “It's real, I'm…” Feeling faint he turns helplessly to Damien.

“Pat, breathe” Damien takes his face, cupping it “You’re going to be ok” After a moment he matched his breathing, Patton stares into the amber flame that is Damien's eyes.

“With you?” He says taking a deep breath “I'm always ok, well…more than ok” He kisses Damien allowing the world to melt away underneath his touch. Pulling away he watches the children around him, grasping their packages filled with wonder tightly. He gasps delighted, he pats Damiens chest, his eyes full of promise “Come-

~~~

“-Presents time!” Patton calls out, Damien chuckles from his position on the couch, his eyes scan the newspaper. “Kiddos! Let's go! Or Dads going to open all of your presents” That seems to gain their attention

“No! No Papa dont let him!” Virgil begs running right into his father, a calmer Logan follows propping himself next to Damien who puts away his paper, wrapping his arm around his smaller son. Patton lifts Virgil up seating him on his lap as he sits next to his husband.

“Can I go first?” A timid request falls from Logan's mouth, Patton smiles brightly nodding, Damien ruffles his son's hair encouragingly. Patton sighs leaning into Damien, his husband kissing his forehead lightly. Logan picks the first one he sees with his name, unwrapping it carefully. Virgil groans falling into his father. Logan pouts turning towards his parents holding out the gift “help”

“I'll do it!” Virgil volunteers hopping off his father's lap, he goes to where Logan now sits across the floor and helps him in his own way. Patton watches them smiling as he only cuddles further into Damien.

“Having a nice time?” Damien jokes, only placing more gentle kisses upon his forehead. Patton leans up slightly fully meeting his lips, he’d never admit it but even after all these years…it still feels a dream, surely he didn't deserve this. “Are you alright love?” Damien checks

“I love you” Patton wants to make sure he knows it, that Damien has those words seared into his brain, almost to the point where it annoys him. The children pull apart ripping the present open, chatters of laughter play out. “And them” Patton smiles. One more kiss upon the forehead from Damien is placed on Patton.

“I love you too” Damien responds, the Christmas air pushing through as the world fades away. The only thing to keep was their magical time under the lights…as they had met so many years ago. “Last Christmas…gave you my heart” Damien hums gently, Patton yawns “Next day…” He skips over a few lines, watching the children open more gifts “Give it to someone…” He looks to Patton “Special” and he had

#marias mischief #sanders sides #moceit #patton sanders #deceit sanders #youtube #writing #my writing #christmas #story #fanfic authors #fanfic writers #fanfiction #fanfic

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interesting-blog-name · 4 years

Text

SLIGHTLY NEW ALBUMS I LIKED (Little Simz - GREY Area; Monsune - Tradition; Backxwash - God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It)

More loose reviews that I write and instantly want to get out of my Word document and into Tumblr without much of an overlaying theme between the albums or any planning as to which ones I’ll be releasing at which point, but it is what it is. This time I’ll be compiling some recent-ish albums I’ve enjoyed, two of which I’ve come to know from TheNeedleDrop (I try not to watch reviews before writing down my opinion btw), and one EP from an artist I like. Here it is.

Little Simz – GREY Area

Little Simz, the 26-year-old British rapper, is an artist I’ve loved the first time I heard her, when I listened to Selfish for the first time and saw her cover of Feel Good Inc. in triple-j’s Like A Version. Today, May 30th, I was planning on listening to White Chalk by PJ Harvey, but from what I read, it’s a pretty depressing album, and I’m not in the mood for that right now, so I picked GREY Area from my future listening list.

It’s really nice to hear a rap album like this once in a while. The instrumentation is organic and well thought out, her flow is amazing, and her lyrics have so much substance and personality to them, ranging from the happier, more reminiscent tone in 101 FM to the much more aggressive tracks Offence, Boss, Venom and Pressure, she’s always giving her take on life, telling the experience of what it’s like being a black person with big dreams in England, seeing friends die while she tries to go somewhere in life through music.

The main tone she picks for her self-narrative is an unapologetic view of the world around her; she tells the listener: “’til now I ain’t ever been the selfish type, ‘till now I ain’t ever told nobody no, don’t get it twisted. This shit ain’t happen overnight” in the biggest song off here, Selfish, featuring the most calming and lavish pianos and violins in this album, and an amazing feature by Cleo Sol on the hook. Pressure features an amazing batch of verses all about. Same thing with the intro, Offence, with its bold, empowering chorus; although the track comes off more playful with its cartoonish sound effects nearing the end than the raw message of the track mentioned previously. A great, high-spirited track to start off the album.

What isn’t as high-spirited is the next track, Boss, or, to be fair, almost all the other tracks in the album. Boss is a big fuck you to anyone you might dedicate the song to: the hook has Simz’s most aggressive delivery in the whole record, and the entire message is about getting over those who hurt you and coming up. The second verse is something else.

Wounds, featuring Jamaican singer Chronixx, deals mostly with the gun/crime problem ever-so-present in marginalized communities all around the world, and she tells the story from the perspective of both herself and as a companion of the “gun man”, repeatedly mentioned in the song (“When a gun man only knows self-hate, them bullets show no love”). I’m not super crazy for Chronixx’s hook, or the much slower tempo of the track, but it fits well with the groovy instrumental. Venom, on the other hand, is a super exciting, menacing song. She goes all out over the violins playing in the background, but unfortunately, the track burns twice as bright to last half as long.

To lighten the mood a bit, 101 FM brings the most electronic instrumental, with cheerful, banging 808s and synths, and lyrics about her come up as a rapper, probably the verses where her British accent and slang dominate the most, giving them a more personal feel somewhat. Pressure doesn’t feature the most compelling instrumental or hooks in here – the Little Dragon refrain is mixed very poorly and the vocalist just doesn’t do a great job -, but the verses compensate for that, especially the first one, probably one of the most heartfelt and important ones in this album. Therapy talks about Simz’s struggles with finding comfort in therapy. The instrumental is average for the project, but still slaps, so that’s nice.

Sherbet Sunset is an ode to a broken relationship, and a theme that could be handled so poorly by other artists is handled masterfully by Little Simz. In three verses, she displays so many sides to what I assume is one relationship, so many emotions and thoughts that she shares, it really feels like she’s transcribing something of a focused, bright mind rush over the track, and it amazes me how she can reveal her feelings so well on a track like this, progressing from the regret of not seeing how it’d go wrong, to the anxiety that comes from spending all that time for seemingly nothing, to coming to terms with it in the last verse (although not quite). It’s a stunning song now that I listen to it again.

To close it all off, we have Flowers, mainly a tribute to various artists from the 27 club, with mentions of Jimi Hendrix and Amy Winehouse in the verses, trying to relate to their struggles with drug addiction and quick fame. It’s incredibly powerful and a great finisher.

I don’t dislike one track in GREY Area. It’s well conceived, a great statement, it really feels like she gives her all to make every track memorable, and even though her delivery is mostly monotone throughout the whole album, that also works to her favor, as she has a very unique and recognizable voice. So the lyrics are extremely well written, and the only reason I don’t give more examples of that is because I got a whole lot of school shit to do, the instrumental work is clean and precise, and I don’t have a whole lot to complain about. Check this shit out if you haven’t.

FAVORITE TRACKS: 101 FM, Venom, Selfish, Offence, Boss, Pressure

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: lol nah

8.7/10

“Why you wanna all dress lies as truth? Have you ever seen what silence do? I don’t wanna see no violent troops putting out fires that haven’t been started”

Monsune – Tradition

Damn I did not expect to like this as much as I did.

Monsune is a Chinese-Canadian singer who has recently been gaining some popularity from his amazing song OUTTA MY MIND, which features a funky bassline and high-pitched guitar playing that some have compared to Childish Gambino, specifically his album “Awaken, My Love!”. I decided to check out this short EP by him to see if he had anything more to offer, and it’s safe to say, he does.

The first track off Tradition already shows what this guy can do with his production. It starts off with the same vibe off of his previously mentioned biggest track, but on steroids: a prominent bassline, pitch-altered backing vocals, sunny guitars, and drowned out drums. His voice is also reaching higher notes in this song than in OUTTA MY MIND, but then in the middle of the song it all slows down for a very welcome beat change that shifts the song from this summer anthem to a very chill R&B tune. It’s amazing stuff, although I don’t understand why he chose to put some very noticeable autotune in this part.

CLOUD is my least favorite from the EP, but it’s still a very solid song, it’s just not amazing. The bass is still very strong, and the bridge later on in the song is addictive as shit. After that track comes OUTTA MY MIND, and then his style completely switches in MOUNTAIN, which starts off with some solo guitar and his low, beautiful singing. It’s actually really moving for some reason lol. It then picks up in the hook, the drums kick in along with what I assume is a keyboard, and his voice reaches the top of his range for the backing vocals, it’s a very well-made song.

JADE finishes Tradition off extremely beautifully, with a smooth acoustic guitar intro over a nice-ass bass, some ethereal, trippy scenes of Monsune floating over the ocean and appearing out of thin air in front of you (probably not you, the listener). And then all of a sudden this madman screams off the top of his lungs in the middle of the track and I fucking love it.

The flaws this EP has are mostly related to the mixing, which I think can be a little too harsh in some sections such as the big breakdowns in JADE and MOUNTAIN. Plus, I know lyrics aren’t a focus on a project like this, but it would be nice to get something more than love songs in the future perhaps. Still, loving this EP, so glad I checked Monsune out. You should too.

WORST TO BEST: CLOUDS, 1998, JADE, OUTTA MY MIND, MOUNTAIN

8/10

“Don’t you wanna come down? Cause I’m so bored of walking on the same old sky”

Backxwash – God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It

God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It is an album by American rapper Backxwash, who received a new wave of attention after Anthony Fantano reviewed this album in his channel and gave it a decent 8. I haven’t watched the review yet, but I was interested in checking it out because of the high score, and especially since when I looked it up on Spotify, the songs only had around 8000 views.

Dark subject themes and the whole dark trap aesthetic are the core of this album. I, personally, have always been a fan of aggressive, heavy rap music, from more underground names like gizmo and Fukkit, to the more mainstream variant of these sounds, like XXXTENTACION. This album, however, operates in somewhat of a separate lane.

Many of the dark, edgy rap I used to listen to religiously back in the day was borderline mindless. Shit about ripping someone open, hollow flexing, except separated from mainstream rap only because the rapper in question is screaming their brains out when talking about designer clothes, instead of mumbling like your average Lil Baby, and, of course, personal problems, depression, being mad about whatever it was. Unlike its other contemporaries, however, it seems Backxwash has much more thought and elaboration into what she wants to yell about. Instead of hiding behind bass-boosted rather formulaic instrumentals, she takes the more scenic route, with still very dark, but more intricate gothic beats, sampling various religious speeches and implementing them into songs about black magic and overall unhappiness. The Black Sabbath sample that opens up this album should be enough for any listener to immediately understand what they’re about to get into, as the title track brings heavy percussion and some of the most graphic lyrics in the album, which it already doesn’t lack. Lines about downing pills and vodka, contemplating suicide, and blank vocalizations of anger (“I want war with these bitches, I want corpses and weapons”).

The track that resembles an average edgy Soundcloud rap song the most is Black Magic right after, with its own interpretation of the “ay” flow, shouted with a tone reminiscent of someone like Craig Xen. The big difference comes with the much grander production, especially the growling guitars that get introduced halfway, reminding the listener of Backxwash’s skill as a producer. From what I could tell, she was responsible for the production of the tracks in here, and considering there are no vocal guests except for Malldate’s quick appearance in Into The Void, I’m assuming the features listed in the tracklist are all producer credits as well, the feature in this track being Ada Rook, providing the amazing guitar work for this song.

Spells is mixed for me. I don’t enjoy the attempted singing in the chorus, and it falls completely flat to my ears; the beat is hard as ever, but the lyrics feel slightly disconnected with each other. At one point, she’s talking about going to Hell to her mom, at the other she mentions doors opening and closing in an office and how there’s no one in some corridor, and it doesn’t go anywhere from that, with lines such as “heart is so dead with tissue” not exactly evoking any sort of emotion or imagery.

Black Sheep is the most effective song out of the first four; it seems to filter all the positive aspects of the other tracks and package them into one quick serving. The beat is chaotic and in a constant state of unrest, the lyrics are centered and aimed at various of Backxwash’s problems in life, such as her father, people who want to bring her down and put her “in line on the X and O’s”, and overall venting. After that comes a brief interlude, the first of two that don’t have much use in the album except as pallet cleansers. It’s followed by Into The Void, a track that mentions her paranoia of being harassed and possibly killed when walking around in the streets and the deli. It’s haunting, and definitely the best song in here; it is laser-focused in the exact way I wished the previous tracks would be. Her vocal delivery is extremely expressive, and she tells the story in a way that gives the listener a brief, but at the same time immense glimpse of the reality that trans people face and have to go through, in a morbid fashion.

Adolescence is very short and eases the pace a bit after the intense emotions of the last. It’s a message to her younger brother that quickly descents into a confession of her inner struggle, mentioning possible overdoses and being too old for the 27 Club and fearing going to therapy. What’s great about this song is the fact that, even in such a short amount of time and with a less explosive instrumental, Backxwash manages to evoke her emotions so well; this is definitely what she does best in this record, and it overcomes the times where her delivery is flawed and her words are slurred and hard to understand. After this comes Amen, and holy fuck is this an angry song. Criticizing the hell out of the church, Backxwash comes at greedy pastors and their irresponsible spending when the churchgoers who support him are in need. My big problem with this song is the fact that the hook, as impassionate as it is, doesn’t do much for the subject, and the verse is way too short to have any impact with its theme. Lines like “these politicians politicking” don’t help much either.

The very distorted second interlude, Heaven’s Interlude, takes us to the last track, Redemption, the least intense song in here, which is appropriate as a sendoff. She expresses her frustrations towards her dad’s frustrations towards her being trans, and while the entire sentiment of the song is great and well formulated, I can’t find a way around the lines “Fuck these fucking boomers, fuck these fucking losers. Fuck theses motherfucking fuckers in their fucking two truck. Fuck these fuck(sic)abusers, and fuck these fucking rumors.”, they just emanate Limp Bizkit energy.

God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It is a very passionate, real, well produced and well-conceived album; it bears themes that are immensely important to be brought to the music scene, and by mixing that message with its explosive and polished production, it amplifies it a ton. However, as powerful as her deliveries are, I believe Backxwash can go much further with her songwriting and song structuring in the future, as well as her intonation, because that was really all that was keeping this album from being legendary. If she can do more of this in songs that are longer and super focused around whichever topic she decides, she can make something legendary. And thank God she got reviewed by Fantano, I hope she can take this opportunity and make something huge out of this.

FAVORITE TRACKS: Into The Void, Black Sheep, God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It, Adolescence, Black Magic

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Spells

7.7/10

“Chosen one, sad bitch, lowest scum. Coldest, huh, black sheep talk to ‘em. If the situation changed I would have said the same shit, exactly the same.”

#little simz #grey area #monsune #tradition #backxwash #god has nothing to do with this leave him out of it #album #review #albume review #ep #ep review #rap #uk rap #dark rap #indie pop

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gildedusurper · 4 years

Text

OVERDUE MEME // NOT ACCEPTING LORD HELP ME I CANNOT WRITE

@sterrenlied said :Also UNF from @sterrenlied if u want || [ Send “UNF” to pin my muse against the wall with DESIRE ]

Siebren’s unwavering dedication to his craft certainly had it’s moments. He struggles between finding it an endearing trait or one of annoyance. A lack of attention from the elder man sways the feeling heavily towards the latter, fingers drumming impatient tunes against his desk. He gives the man no more than a minute’s worth of silence before speaking again.

“ You know, I really don’t understand how you two can get so invested in papers. ”

It’s more the printed contents that hold importance, he knows that much, yet what fun could possibly be found without pictures to help break apart pesky paragraphs? Fingers drift to press against the corner of another page, one quick flick sending it fluttering off the desk to accompany others. “ Why don’t you and I do something fun. Get out of this stuffy room for a change... ” To which he finds himself taking advantage of the now cleared space to scoot all the more closer. “ ...Forget the books and the papers, ” A hand raises, coaxing his attention away from strands of dull words with no more than a gentle press underneath his chin. “ Let’s do something exciting... ”

...Words die in his throat not two steps away from his desk; large digits having placed more force than he expects, keeping him bound against the wall, breath hitching with anticipation.

Lips against his, a kiss that’s neither gentle nor sweet, betraying the scientist’s innocent nature. Both helm and crown long since discarded on the ground as he greets with greater fervor. There’s a heat sweltering against his cheeks, growing still while palms press against the sides of Siebren’s face, desperately pulling him closer. Their tempo increases hastily the second fingernails dig into his jawline; as though any pause for air might steal away their shared passion. Each kiss lasting longer, pressing further, testing the limits of lungs until they burn for air. A break for heavy pants allows for breathless chuckles. He doesn’t question where the man’s hands roam - longing for the sensations they may bring as they snake underneath tassets, leaving teasing touches against inner thighs. But... Something amiss.

He’s hardly the time to put much thought behind it before a strong grip to his thighs brings him higher against the wall, hips against his. A firm grind. His mind falls back into silence.

Heated breaths are panted against the nape of the man’s neck, his own assaulted between teasing nibbles and harmless kisses. He finds purchase in the man’s armor after moments of aimless roaming, seeking for something to hold onto. Another grind leading airy whimpers to hopeless whines. His stomach twists into a knot, the third brush leading to heels digging against the small of the scientists back, pressing further. He knows not for how long this might last, only that there’s a need without a name craving to be satiated. Pleas mix between foreign dialect and English, a battle on which becomes the dominant one to beg Siebren’s attention.

Slender digits slide back, his own digging deeper into his hold. He wants more. More of what?

“ Ne hagyja abba-! ” Another bite against bare skin. There’s a name lingering on his tongue. “ Ne hah--! Ne hagyja abba...! ” His voice reaches a higher pitch, nearly breaking into a whisper. Suddenly he’s grinding back. “ Kérem! ” His mind flutters with a swarm of thoughts, racing for the clouds. A smile breaking between pants. Instinct has hands reaching blindly for hair - tongue pressing against the roof of his mouth, encouraging him to cry out a name.

“ Lu-! ”

And it all comes crashing down.

Guilt overwhelms him with eyes widening in realization. He wants to scramble, yet he’s still. Stiff movements have hands pressing to Siebren’s collarbone, face flushed with a burning shame yet hidden behind a coy smile. His eyes betray every bit of that forced look.

“ I think you’ve had enough. I... Well, I can’t let you get too distracted. What work will you get done then? ” A shaken hand struggles to pat against his cheek. “ Your next big nerdy breakthrough awaits! ”

#suggestive theme #sterrenlied #Queries #Meme Friday #Overdue meme

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itsjustinknow · 5 years

Text

Based on an Omakase prompt from a few months back. Which, by the way, is a pretty good writing podcast by a cool person named M. Kirin who I won’t tag because...I’m scared. But the name will link to their twitter.

Warnings for existential crisis and kind of breaking of the fourth wall? The narrator is addressing the audience directly, to a degree. They don’t know you’re there. But they hope someone is listening.

Enjoy < 3

“I exist only as a voice you hear, a sound to fill the silence when no one else is there. Because, pfft, come on. Who listens to radios anymore?

“I wonder how true that is.

“Tell me, when you turn it off and flick all the lights, does my voice linger in your head? Was it the weather, or did your own grumbling of the rain or snow overshadow my rattling of numbers and forecasts? Or is is something else, like how I skim over local gossip you either care for or you don’t anyways? You listen for a reason, don’t you? Otherwise you would have tuned out by now. Or was it how I delivered the latest tragic event?

“Do I cease to exist the moment you are gone, or do I stay here, waiting for the lights to turn back on air? Do you keep the radio dialed to my station? Have I failed if you turn away, if the world chooses to forget me? Tell me, do you even know my name?”

“That’s okay. I don’t think I know, either. I think about these things, though, when the world is just static and wave lengths, frequencies of all sorts spiraling into wherever I am. Supposedly, it’s a tower. According to you all, that is. I don’t know how much of that is true. Sometimes, the static gets so loud I can scarcely remember what I am, let alone what thisplace is. Funny, a voice saying it can hear. That’s the best word for it – I don’t really know of any others. Not in human tongues, at least.

“I catch glimpses of them, you know, the other hosts in far away stations and towers. I don’t know if they’re voices like me, or if there’s a face behind them. But I like to think I’m not alone. I like to think I’m not the only one.

“You’ve probably tuned out be now. That’s alright, I understand. The kids have soccer practice, or your work break is over, or there are guests coming by and ‘somebody better turn off that darned box.'” Sorry, that was a bad impression, wasn’t it. But, that’s fine. I’m good at filling up the silence. It’s what I do best. It’s funny, the idea of guests. Other hosts have guests, interviews and games and giveaways and all sorts of fun things that have people calling in dying for the voice on the other end to answer. It’s a nice thought. I don’t think I can have guests. I’m not sure if anyone even enters my station anymore. Maybe. Sometimes things change. The static gets a little less fuzzy, or everything goes dark and buzzing with too many frequencies coming in all at once and I can’t stop it until something or…it just, rightens itself I guess. Huh. I guess I never thought of it that way. Well, whoever does that should know it’s a real headache for me whenever that happens, aha…Does a voice feel pain? No, I mean, of course now. Obviously. Not like the way real people do. Human bodies, I mean. A voice isn’t really…permanent. Tangible, I guess.

“But sometimes…sometimes, like with the static thing, or when – when the lights go out, and everyone rushes to the radios to see what’s going on, and it’s just this influx of people and voices and static and it just —”

The voice cuts out, high-pitch static and vague unintelligible noises between glitches.

It quiets.

“Sorry, about that. Um…yeah. I like to think I have an idea of what pain is. And then there’s other times, like now, when the quiet comes back and there’s only the faintest signal to let you know – to let me know – that I’m still here. I hope that’s what pain’s like. I hope that’s close enough to what it actually is. It’s better to know that I feel something than nothing at all.”

“Are you still there? Is anyone listening to this? Probably not. I can’t always tell. But it’s, all I can do. All I can ask for.”

“I. don’t think I care much anymore.”

“No, that’s a lie. I do care. Hah, I don’t have another choice but to care.”

“What’s it like out there? I know at least some people talk as if they leave the station. Do you just go on about your day? What does that look like? A little house in the middle of nowhere? A pet, maybe? A gaggle of children? Gaggle? Is that what it’s called? No, wait, I’m thinking of geese. What’s a group of small humans called then? What’s it like to be that small? Growing up, never being in any form of stasis. Always changing and moving and growing. Sounds exhausting, if you ask me. But hey, like I said, I’m just the voice in a box telling you things that may or may not be true. Or at least, not yet. Weather’s a bit finicky like that.

“What?”

“Oh. Oh. Did, did the lights go out again? Is – is anyone listening to me right now? Oh! Hello! Apologies for the interruptions, we’ve been experiencing some technical difficulties. Some guy taking over the station for a bit talking about God knows what while we were off air…oh, I see now. Folks, we’re getting a message here that the storm has knocked out a few other radio towers which may make it difficult to signal in on a station. For those who have managed to, we will be sure to keep you updated as soon as we receive the word of when things should be getting back to normal. Until then, well, that’s what I’m here for, right? To be the voice that fills the darkness until the lights flicker back on.

“Hey, can you hear me? Of course you can. It’s funny, knowing when people are actually listening. Sometimes it feels a bit useless, you know? Just talking, never sure if anyone cares. But hey, it’s a job, am I right? It pays the bills. Though, there damn well better be a decrease on the utility bill this month after all this, you think so folks? Funny, how a single storm can knock it all out. Were we told it would be this big of a storm? Don’t think so. Can’t blame them, but, well, never fun I suppose, giving misinformation. We do apologize for that, folks. Otherwise we would have given the warning ahead of time.

“Hey. Let’s, let’s get into some weird stuff, now that we’re all here, you know? Anyone up for a ghost story? Well, I wouldn’t call it a ghost story, but, you know what I mean. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Are you there? That’s all you can do with me, isn’t it, but, I mean, – please. Hear me out for a second. What if I told you…what I always say: “I am the voice inside the radio, broadcasted to all of you via beams and wires and satellited.” Would you believe me? Is there a face behind this, a mouth speaking these words, or is it all frequencies and numbers making up something that you will never fully – oh fuck!”

More static, more of that glitching gibberish. Tomorrow, there will be news of a power surge due to faulty wiring, impacting the area around it, including the abandoned station.

A sharp breath. Gasping.

“If, if anyone’s still listening, please – ”

static.

“– it’s too much it’s too much make it stop –”

static.

“What’s happening out there?”

sta tic

“There’s, there’s too much noise, too much, of everything, I can’t –”

static.

Silence.

A sigh.

“Sorry, again, about that ladies and gentlemen – and all other preferred forms of etiquette. Power surge. Probably. I’m going to go ahead and blame the guy that cut into the broadcast somehow earlier? I think some of it is still mixing with our signal? I don’t know, I’m going to look into it after this storm passes. Fucking creepy if you ask me. But, well, that’s over now. Back to our regularly schedules programming, brought to you by – you guessed it – the voice inside your box, filling the silence until something else can.”

“Wow. Imagine turning that into a ghost story. Guess that guy had some use after all.”

#ink writes #original fiction #for once not an arcana thing lmao #they don't have a name they're just the voice or the ghost in my head #what exactly they are is whatever you like tbh #it's free for interpretation #original characters #fiction

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smkkbert · 6 years

Text

Time for a story - Shifting relationship

Humming a melody that had been stuck in her head since she had woken up an hour ago and trying to put on her favorite pair of earrings, Felicity left her bedroom. The moment she stepped into the hallway, she could hear the high-pitched cries that came from the kitchen downstairs. They mixed with Hawk’s howling, sounding like one of those operettas she always got a headache from.

Mornings were always busy for the Queen Family, so everything was always thoroughly planned through. With five kids and two working parents, it was impossible to make it through the day otherwise. Of course they had Raisa, but Felicity and Oliver had decided that she would never have to leave the bed before seven which was when Oliver usually left for City Hall, dropping William, Emmy and Tommy at school on his way there.

For the last months since Tommy had started kindergarten, increasing the number of kids that had to go to school every morning to three, Oliver and Felicity had given their best to follow the same routine every day. At six, if he wasn’t up and hadn’t taken a run through the neighborhood yet, Oliver got up. He took a shower and put on some clothes, usually sweatpants and a shirt. After that, he woke up Felicity. While she was taking a shower and getting ready for work, Oliver prepared breakfast for the kids. They woke all the kids, including Millie and Addie, at six-thirty. They dressed their little ones while William, Emmy and Tommy got dressed themselves. After that, the entire family gathered in the kitchen, so the kids could have breakfast and Oliver could prepare their lunch boxes for school. After breakfast, William, Emmy, Tommy and Oliver went upstairs to brush their teeth. When Oliver was finished and back downstairs, Felicity went to brush her teeth, so one of them always watched Millie and Addie. Oliver and their three oldest left the house once Felicity was back downstairs. That was usually the time Raisa joined them too. She helped Felicity brushing Millie’s and Addie’s teeth before Felicity finally left around seven-forty-five.

It was crazy, and sometimes Felicity wondered how they did all of this in less than two hours. Usually, it felt like they needed at least three hours and eight hands more to handle all of this. They always managed to drop the kids at school on time and made it work on time too.

Anyway, they had chosen to break with their routine today. Felicity had an early meeting at the company, while Oliver had the day off. Hence, he was taking care of everything on his own today. All Felicity had to do was get ready for her day, grab a thermo mug with coffee and kiss her family goodbye for the day.

With her earring finally put on, Felicity walked downstairs. She stepped into the door to the kitchen and chuckled slightly at what she saw. Except for Addie, all kids were sitting at the table and eating breakfast. Addie was lying on the kitchen floor though. She was crying while Hawk was lying on his side next to her. Felicity wasn’t sure if his howling was supposed to comfort Addie, or if he just wanted to tune into Addie’s crying.

“Hey, what’s going on here?”

Hawk got up first. He shook himself briefly and came running towards Felicity, jumping up at her leg. Chuckling, Felicity crouched down in front of him and petted him gently. She was utterly in love with their puppy. She had been since the moment she had first seen him.

“Addie, look,” Oliver said from the kitchen counter where he was preparing the lunch boxes for the kids. “Now mommy’s here too.”

Taking in a sniffling breath, Addie got up. She rubbed her hands over her eyes and came running to Felicity, who had already spread her arms for her youngest.

“Mama.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?” Felicity asked, straightening up with Addie in her arms. “Why are you crying.”

“Pancake.”

“You don’t want your pancake?”

“No.”

“But daddy made it for you with so much love.”

“No.”

Felicity sat down at the table and pulled Addie’s breakfast bowl closer. Oliver had cut the banana pancake into little pieces, so Addie could eat them better. Felicity put a bite of it on her spoon and held it to Addie’s lips. When she turned her head away, releasing another cry, Felicity just ate it herself.

“Mhm,” she hummed. “That’s yummy.”

That seemed to catch Addie’s interest. She looked at her mother, watching her chewing the pancake. When Felicity put another bite onto the spoon, Addie pulled at her wrist to take the spoon from her and eat the piece of pancake herself.

“You want to eat that?”

“Yes.”

Felicity smiled triumphantly and kissed her daughter’s temple. She got up, sitting Addie down in her high chair and putting the bowl on the table of the chair. Hawk was already sitting next to her, watching her and waiting for some pieces to drop to the floor.

“Morning.”

Felicity stepped next to Oliver and put her hand onto his back. He chopped the rest of the carrot before he turned his head towards her. His lips captured Felicity’s in a gentle kiss, and he added another peck to it before he pulled away again.

“Morning,” he replied. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby,” Felicity replied, “a tightly sleeping baby like Millie, of course, not like any other of our little monsters. Speaking of monsters, what was wrong with Addie?”

“She wasn’t particularly pleased that just daddy was downstairs for breakfast.”

Felicity smiled at Addie, who was just pushing another spoon of her banana pancake into her mouth. Their youngest daughter knew exactly what she wanted, even if that changed every ten seconds it seemed.

“Well, at least she’s happy now.”

“Indeed.” Oliver smiled and pecked her lips once more. “Do you want breakfast?”

“No, I am just going to grab some coffee for the way.”

Felicity grabbed her thermo mug and poured the coffee that was left in the coffee machine into it. When Oliver shot her a glance, she smiled cheekily and pecked his lips. Oliver groaned lowly and stole another kiss from her before he turned back to the lunch boxes. He shot her another glance though, and Felicity didn’t miss that his gaze traveled down her body from the top of her head to her feet, lingering on her for quite some time.

“What?” Felicity asked and looked down at herself. “Is there a stain on my dress?”

“No,” Oliver replied. “I just… you look beautiful.”

Felicity smiled. “Thank you.”

Oliver puckered his lips. After a short moment, he put the knife away and turned around to her completely. Narrowing his eyes at her slightly, he crossed his arms in front of his chest. Felicity just looked at him innocently, sipping at her coffee.

“Your favorite arrowhead-shaped earrings. A tight-fitting, red peplum dress you have never worn before. Lose hair. Your good parfum.”

Felicity perked up her eyebrows. “I am not allowed to look pretty for you?”

“Since you are leaving the house in five minutes which means that neither will I get to enjoy this look for long nor will I get to rip it off your body anytime soon, I suspect this look is not really for me,” Oliver replied. He cocked his head and asked, “Is it possible that Bruce is back in Starling?”

Chuckling, Felicity stepped in front of Oliver. She put a hand to his forearm and pecked his lips. He knew her so well that it was almost frightening sometimes. Usually, like now, she was just amused about it though. She was sure that other husbands could know their wives just as well if they just paid half as much attention their spouses as Oliver paid to her.

“Don’t be angry with me.”

Oliver rolled his eyes slightly, but he chuckled too. “I am not angry with you. I know how much you enjoy having Bruce around although I really don’t understand it. What plans do you two have?”

“We will probably spend the entire afternoon in meetings, but I am planning on going out to dinner with him and maybe show him Green Doors later. He hasn’t been there the last times he had been in Starling. Will you come with us?”

“Actually, I promised the kids to spend the entire day with them,” Oliver replied, shaking his head. “I want to cook dinner and watch movies with them tonight.”

“Oh.” Felicity pursed her lips. “Is it okay if I spend the evening with Bruce anyway?”

Oliver didn’t reply and just watched her intently. When Felicity perked up her eyebrows, wordlessly asking what was going on, he pressed his lips together and rolled them into his mouth. He shot a brief look at the kids that were still busy with their breakfast.

“Can I talk to you outside for a second?” he whispered. “Please.”

Frowning, Felicity grabbed her thermo mug and followed Oliver out of the kitchen. She wondered if he had ever asked her to talk outside where the kids couldn’t hear them. She really couldn’t remember a single moment this had happened.

“What’s wrong?” she asked once they were out of earshot. “Did something happen?”

“No. No, of course not.” Oliver replied. “I just-“

Oliver stopped. With a warm smile, he took Felicity’s hands and laced his fingers through hers. He pursed his lips, but it ended in a chuckle when Felicity perked up her eyebrows. He probably realized once more how well she knew him.

“Felicity, you can spend an evening with whoever you want. You don’t need my permission.”

Felicity nodded slowly. She hadn’t exactly asked for his allowance anyway. She had just wanted to make sure that he hadn’t planned for her to participate in the family fun. If that had been the case, she would have had to cancel her plans with Bruce. Family always came first.

Anyway, Felicity knew what he meant. She was pretty sure it wasn’t everything he had to say though.

“But?”

Oliver faltered briefly. Still without saying anything, he took a step closer and squeezed her fingers.

“I just want you to be careful.”

“Careful?” Felicity chuckled. “Oliver, I will meet Bruce, my good friend Bruce who also happens to be Batman. I am pretty sure that I am safe with him. Like even if we are attacked, he will certainly protect me.”

“No, that’s- That’s not what I meant.”

Felicity frowned and watched Oliver carefully. She knew there was something he hadn’t said yet, but she just didn’t know what it was. A few years ago, she would have probably assumed that Oliver was just jealous and she would have been right with that. There had been a time that he had been seriously jealous. They were long past that though, and Felicity doubted that even Bruce could change anything about that.

“Oliver, what is going on here?” she asked and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “What is this about?”

Again, Oliver hesitated. He seemed to consider to just drop the subject. Felicity assumed that he could see in her face that she certainly would let this go until she knew what was going on in his head. He sighed.

“Bruce is in love with you, Felicity.”

Felicity snorted, keeping back a chuckle. “Yes, sure.”

She already wanted to turn around to grab her purse and leave. Oliver put his hands to her shoulders and kept her from turning away from him though.

“I want you to be careful because Bruce is in love with you,” he told her gently. “I have seen the way he looks at you. I have seen it in the hospital when he dropped the kids after you found me on Lian Yu, and I have seen it a couple of weeks ago when he brought Hawk. I know that you probably haven’t noticed because, wonderful as you are, you just don’t realize what effect you have on people. That is why, when you will meet Bruce, you will probably act all normal and will continue flirting with him like nothing has changed between you two because nothing has changed in your eyes.

Since things did change though, you might hurt him accidentally, and, though you didn’t mean to, you will blame yourself. I don’t want that for yourself because I love you and because I know how hard this will be on you. That is why I ask you to be careful.”

Felicity looked at Oliver incredulously. She tried to process his words and make any sense of them. No matter how much she tried to understand what Oliver had just told her, she just couldn’t. She had heard the words, but they made no sense in her head.

“Oliver Queen. Still jealous after all.”

Felicity rolled her eyes slightly, but she chuckled. Stepping forward, she kissed Oliver’s cheek. She grabbed her purse and walked to the door.

“Felicity-“

“I will head to work now,” Felicity said quickly. “I will call you as soon as I know when I will be back home. It might be late though, so better don’t wait for me. Love you.”

She let the door fall shut behind her before Oliver could say anything more. She thought about his words once more, but they didn’t make much sense to her. Shaking her head, she grabbed her keys from the purse and went to her car.

Still, the conversation with Oliver had left a bitter taste in her mouth.

→ → → → →

Felicity watched out of the window on the ocean, realizing how much she had missed watching the waves. Since it was already November, it was probably too late to spend a day at their beach house. She should suggest some candle light dinner in the lighthouse restaurant to Oliver though. They could certainly use some alone-time.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes.” Felicity turned her head and smiled at Bruce. “Of course. Sorry. I was just in thought.”

Bruce looked at her intently, making sure that she really meant it. Felicity doubted that the smile she shot him was convincing, but Bruce smiled back at her nonetheless. He grabbed the bottle of wine and poured her another glass.

“Now, after all the business talk, would you mind a personal question?”

Felicity nipped at her wine and smiled. When they had left QI and headed to the restaurant, they had decided to let work be work for the rest of the evening. As soon as they had gotten into the back of the limousine, they had continued talking about their current projects though. They both loved their work and talking about it with someone who shared the same passion was incredibly pleasing.

“Of course not,” she replied.

“I know that you and your friends were a little at odds lately,” he said carefully. “I was wondering if there is already any progress?”

“No, not really,” Felicity replied and sighed. “I am trying to be open about taking a step towards them and towards a reconciliation, and sometimes I even think I am ready. Whenever I grab my phone to call John though, I can’t. I don’t know why.”

Bruce smiled comfortingly. “I fear the longer you wait, the harder it will get.”

“I know.” Felicity shrugged her shoulders. “I just can’t force myself to do this, and I don’t know what I need to give me this final push, so I finally call them. I just don’t know.”

“I am sorry.”

Felicity shrugged her shoulders. This certainly wasn’t Bruce fault. He had been the kind of friend she had needed. He had offered his help to come with her, and he had accepted her request to protect her kids instead. He had been perfectly supportive in her situation of need.

“How is Oliver handling all this?”

“He’s perfect,” Felicity said with a smile, watching her glass of wine. “He respects my decision. He doesn’t push. He supports me although he doesn’t really agree with my anger. I couldn’t have a better husband. I am as happy with him as a person can be.”

Felicity felt her heart warming. Even just talking about Oliver gave her this feeling of peace that only he could make her feel. She felt comfortable around him, the most comfortable she had ever been. There was just no doubt that he was the love of her life, the only person she could spend the rest of her life with.

At that thought, Felicity lifted her gaze and watched Bruce, who was trying his chocolate souffle. She hadn’t forgotten what Oliver had told her today. All day, she had tried to avoid thinking about it, but she hadn’t forgotten.

The truth was that Felicity just couldn’t allow herself to think that Bruce was in love with her. Right now, he was one of her few friends. If he had really fallen in love with her, she didn’t know how they could still be friends. Being friends with someone who was in love with you was impossible, right?

“Felicity?”

“Hm?”

“You are staring at me.”

Felicity blinked repeatedly, snapping out of her thoughts. She cleared her throat and lowered her eyes to her own dessert, a hot brownie with whipping cream. Trying to avoid Bruce’s eyes, she started eating. She could feel his gaze on her though.

“Felicity, why were you staring at me?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

Felicity chuckled and lifted her gaze. Her eyes met Bruce’s, and she could feel a babble rising inside of her. Biting down on her tongue, she tried to keep it insider of her. When Bruce perked up his eyebrows, wordlessly requesting an answer, Felicity couldn’t bite it back any longer.

“Crazy thing,” she told him. “When I told Oliver that I wanted to go out to dinner with you, a nice dinner between friends of course because that is what we are, friends I mean, he told me that I should be careful because he believes that you are in love with me. It’s crazy right? He is just unbelievable. Whenever I think he has a grip on himself and his jealousy he comes along with something like that. I don’t he’s really jealous, like jealous-jealous. He is just a little jealous, but he just has no reasons to be jealous. I mean you falling in love with me? It’s ridiculous because you know I am married and- and- Just tell me I am right and it’s ridiculous.”

By the time Felicity finally got a hold on her tongue, she was already out of breath. She sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down her erratic breathing. In the meantime, she watched Bruce’s reaction carefully and felt her stomach drop to the floor when he pushed his tongue into his cheek and lowered his eyes to his plate.

“Bruce.”

He didn’t have to say anything for Felicity to know that Oliver’s suspicion hadn’t been as absurd as she had hoped it was. The way he pressed his lips together and avoided her gaze was enough for her to know that Oliver had probably hit the bull’s eye when it came to how Bruce really felt for her. The fact that he looked terribly embarrassed and like she had just ripped his tongue out didn’t make it any easier.

Felicity didn’t know what to say. If there was one thing she would have never believed, it was that Bruce would fall in love with her. They had had a great friendship because they enjoyed the same things and had the same interests. They were even quite similar to each other. They were both working in technology, and they were both using their abilities to save their cities. They even had something close to chemistry which had made flirting a lot of fun in the last years.

For Felicity, there had never been a doubt that their flirting was just a way they teased each other and had fun together. There was nothing serious about it. There were no feelings involved. There never would be. Their flirting would never lead anywhere, never change that they were just friends. Felicity had thought that Bruce had known about that too. Otherwise, she would have never flirted with him in the first place.

“Bruce, I am married,” Felicity whispered to him. “You know I am married. My heart is all Oliver’s, and nothing will ever change that. You can’t-“

“I didn’t choose this, Felicity,” he whispered back with urgent voice. “I didn’t wake up one day and decided that it might be a cool idea to fall in love with my business partner as well as best and probably only friend, who happens to be in a quite stable marriage with the perfect husband. Trust me, if I had anything to say about, I certainly wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. It just happened, and now everything is fucked up.”

Bruce looked at Felicity for a moment longer. He quickly grabbed his glass and took some gulps of his wine though. He looked tense, and Felicity didn’t feel any different.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Of course you didn’t choose this.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Bruce moved his fingers through his hair. He sighed and nodded his head before he turned back towards her.

“I am sorry too,” he said then. “I didn’t mean to snarl at you like that. The situation is difficult for me, but I guess it’s not any easier for you either.”

Felicity nodded, biting down on her bottom lip for a moment. “What do we do about this?”

“Nothing,” Bruce replied immediately. “We don’t have to do anything about it. We are friends. I know that. I respect that, and I respect you. I will never cross any line. I will never try to kiss you or touch you or harass you in whatever way.”

“I know that,” Felicity reassured him honestly. “I really know that. I just don’t know how we can ignore that. I mean you can’t just pretend that you are not in love with me, and I cannot pretend that I don’t know that you are in love with me. That won’t work.”

“Of course it will,” Bruce replied. “It’s not going to be a problem. I promise you.”

Felicity didn’t say anything. She doubted that this was as easy as Bruce tried making it out to be. It had been more than ten years ago that she and Oliver had basically been living and working side by side, pretending like they didn’t know that they loved each other. It had been crazily hard because, no matter how much they had tried to ignore their feelings, their feelings had done their best to make sure they were noticed. Whether requited love or unrequited love was easier to ignore, Felicity didn’t know.

“Just not tonight.”

Felicity frowned, looking at Bruce. “What?”

“I cannot spend the rest of the day with you,” he told her. “I am sorry, but it’s awkward now, and it will only get more awkward. The next time we meet, we will just pretend like this conversation never happened.”

“Bruce-“

“I am going pay for the dinner now, and I will call you next week when I talked to my project manager,” Bruce said and quickly got up, buttoning the jacket of his suit. He looked at Felicity for a long moment and his fingers twitched like he wanted to touch her. He pushed them into the pocket of his pants though and just said, “Bye, Felicity.”

Felicity stayed back alone at the table, looking after Bruce. She didn’t know who of them she should feel sorrier for. Like Bruce had said, this wasn’t easy for either of them. Actually, it was incredibly fracked up.

→ → → → →

As soon as Felicity had stepped into the house, she dropped her keys into the bowl on the small table right next to the door. She slipped out of her shoes, leaving them at the foot of the stairs, and put her purse to the coat rack.

She considered taking a second to gather herself before going to the living room where she heard voices coming from. She doubted that the kids were still awake, but Oliver had certainly not gone to bed yet. He barely ever went to bed before she was home anyway. Using a moment to gather herself before she saw him might be a good idea.

The need to sit down next to him and sink into his arms was overly powerful though. She knew that Oliver would be able see right through it anyway.

When Felicity stepped into the frame of the door, she smiled tiredly. Oliver was sitting on the couch, almost lying with his feet resting on the couch table. He had pushed one arm under his head to use as a pillow. Hawk was lying stretched out on his chest, making whiny sounds in his sleep. Felicity might be completely confused about what had happened tonight, but she knew that this was her home and all she needed now.

“Hey,” Felicity whispered.

“Hi.” Oliver turned his head back over his shoulder to shoot her a brief smile. “I didn’t think you’d come back this early.”

He switched off the TV while Felicity was crossing the room. She sat down next to him, resting her head against his shoulder and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Oliver angled his head forward and kissed the crown of her head. His stubble got caught up in her hair slightly, tickling Felicity’s scalp. Unlike most other times, she couldn’t smile about it though.

For a long moment, they sat in silence. Felicity kept her eyes lowered to Hawk, petting his soft fur. He was only opening his eyes slightly, but he recognized her nonetheless. He waggled his tail and licked her hand, already falling back asleep though. She guessed the kids must have kept him busy all day.

“Felicity, what happened?” Oliver asked in a whisper. “Tell me.”

“You were right. Bruce has feelings for me,” Felicity answered quietly. “Please don’t rub it in.”

Oliver tightened his arm around her shoulders and rested his head against hers. He didn’t reply to her request. Felicity knew she hadn’t really needed to ask him anyway. Oliver would never rub anything in when he knew exactly how bad Felicity felt about it.

“What can I do for you?” Oliver asked eventually. “How can I make you feel better?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity replied honestly. “I don’t know what to do now. I mean I will never fall in love with Bruce, but he’s a good friend. I will miss him if he isn’t in my life anymore though. I just don’t see how that is supposed to work out. You can’t be friends with someone who’s in love with you. I know Bruce would never overstep or anything. I just don’t know how to behave around him.”

Oliver combed his fingers through Felicity’s hair and kissed the top of her head. He didn’t say anything. His presence alone was enough for her to feel comforted though, at least as comforted as she could feel right now.

“I don’t know that either,” Oliver whispered. “At the end, only you and Bruce can decide how you will move on from this. No matter what you decide, you know that I am on your side.”

“This is all my fault.”

“That’s not true,” Oliver whispered. “The only thing you can blame yourself for is making it so easy for everyone to fall in love with you just by being you. I don’t think you should blame yourself for that though because it’s not really your fault either, and wrongfully blaming yourself is much more my flaw than it is yours.”

Felicity frowned. “And how do you want to blame yourself for this?”

“I don’t blame myself for this. This is nobody’s fault. It’s not mine. It’s not Bruce’s. It’s not yours,” Oliver said. “So let’s not make it any of our fault, okay?”

Felicity sighed, snuggling more into Oliver’s side. She closed her eyes, trying to focus on nothing else but the fact that Oliver supported her. He was the world’s best husband which only confirmed what she had known already. She would never be able to fall in love with Bruce. As long as Oliver walked the earth, and she hoped for his sake and her sake that he would still walk the earth for very long, she would never be able to fall in love with anyone else.

Oliver loved her. He trusted her. He always supported her. He had never been really fond of Bruce, and yet he accepted if she wanted to stay friends with him even if he was in love with her. He even supported her in her fight with his sister and friends although he didn’t agree with the way she saw things.

Felicity scrunched up her nose. “If continue to lose friends at this rate, I will have to find a new, out-going hobby to get to meet people. Otherwise, I will probably become so desperate that I might join those terrible helicopter parents at Emmy’s school.”

“Let’s hope you won’t be that desperate,” Oliver told her with a chuckle. “Besides, they probably wouldn’t be friends with you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Felicity said with a sigh, rolling her eyes, “because they are all into you.”

Again, Oliver chuckled. He put a hand to her forehead and angled her head back until their eyes locked. He smiled comfortingly and despite the bad feeling Felicity still had, she smiled back at him.

“It’s all going to be okay,” he whispered. “I promise.”

She knew that Oliver couldn’t actually promise that. Nobody could promise her that. Not even Bruce could promise her that because he couldn’t possibly know if he was really able to be just friends. Still, Oliver’s words comforted her because, usually, he always kept his promises.

→ → → → →

The moment Oliver stepped into the pub, he saw him sitting at the bar. He had taken off the jacket of his suit and had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Although he had turned his back towards Oliver, he could see that he looked tired and defeated. Oliver remembered the feeling from the day he had come back from saving Malcolm Merlyn in Nanda Parbat and seeing Felicity with Ray Palmer for the first time.

Pushing his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, Oliver crossed the room towards the bar. He sat down on the bar stool next to him just when Bruce emptied his glass of whiskey.

“We take another two please,” Oliver told the barkeeper, who nodded in response.

Bruce lifted his gaze and looked at Oliver. The glass he had just emptied certainly hadn’t been the first one. Maybe he wasn’t drunk yet, but he wasn’t exactly sober either. Oliver could see and smell it.

“What are you doing here?” Bruce asked, his voice surprisingly firm and without any slur. “Is Felicity alright?”

“She’s sleeping,” Oliver replied, “snuggled up to Hawk.”

“He’s sleeping in your bed?”

“Yup.” Oliver nodded. “The kids all went from the hospital right into their own rooms, but the puppy is allowed to sleep in our bed to get used to being in the family.”

Oliver chuckled, shaking his head. He loved to complain about Hawk sleeping in bed. The truth was that it was weirdly pleasant to have the puppy sleeping with them. The frequency of nightmares that had been quite high since his latest abduction had decreased since Hawk had joined the family and slept in bed with them.

When the bartender served the glasses of whiskey, Oliver and Bruce clinked their glasses wordlessly. They both took a nip of the expensive liquid, staring into the emptiness in front of them. Neither of them said a word though.

It continued like that for a while. They sat next to each other and drank the whiskey, but neither of them said a word.

“I guess Felicity told you?” Bruce asked eventually.

Oliver nodded. “Yes.”

Again, silence settled. Oliver took another nip of his whiskey. It ran down his throat, leaving a pleasant burning there.

“Are you going to punch me now?”

Oliver didn’t look at Bruce. He just thought back to the many times he would have liked to punch him. That had been quite some time ago though.

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Oliver just repeated.

“I could understand it though.” Bruce nipped at his whiskey and sighed. “If I was married to Felicity and someone like you told me that he was in love with her, I would probably punch them. I couldn’t bear the thought.”

“Maybe there was a time that I would have agreed,” Oliver replied, “but not anymore. What good would it do if I punched you? It won’t help you fall out of love with Felicity, and you look like you are feeling like crap anyway.”

Bruce released an indescribable sound, something like a mixture of a sigh and an agreeing hum. Again, a long moment of silence settled. They both continued drinking and looking in front of them.

“Besides, I can’t really hold falling in love with Felicity against you.” Oliver sighed and emptied his glass. “Happened to me too.”

I know I didn't update much lately, and it will still take a while to update more, but I talked to one of my supervisors about working non-stop and not having any time to write. Together, we worked out some ways to make writing possible for me again. I hope it will work out at the end. :)

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diningpageantry · 6 years

Text

I Tear Body and Soul Apart

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15909690/chapters/37420340

Chapter 3 of Love You All, Die For This

Word Count: 2934

Chapter Summary: A phone call is all it takes to change a night.

BAZ

It’s jarring to hear words spoken to you, yet having them pass through you like some fucked up deja-vu of the worst circumstances.

Like when my father said he’d never accept my decisions; accept us. Despite being in front of Snow and I, his voice came through as if it was coming through a phone dropped into the bottom of a lake; distorted, empty, and somehow sounding like I’d heard it a million times. Like the voice in my head that’d been shouting it for years finally broke the surface and bared its snarling teeth and spitting words that hit me more like a dissociation daydream than an actual speech.

This doesn’t exactly feel like that knee-scrapes of a shitty remark. This instead feels like getting stabbed in the fucking spine.

“Incompatible genes,” rings in my ears, the voice calm and incredibly pitiful, “the DNA sample pulled interesting information about your condition that we want your permission to study, but the results are a negative. The egg did not fertilize properly.”

I swallow at the ice-chunk in my throat, refusing to melt away. “What’s the matter with the DNA then?” I force, the hand pressing my mobile to my cheek giving a slight tremble as my bodyweight shifts.

Ears straining to keep focus on the tumbling of words, slowly rocking on the patio seat as my eyes transfix onto a bird pecking at our feeder. A cloud of sentences crowd around my head, closing around my throat and my shoulders. “If you don’t mind us saying, Mr. Pitch, it’s truly fascinating. The cellular reproductive rate in sperm decreased almost to the point of complete standstill. It’s nearly as though their lifespans last forever, but they nearly never split overall. Although your skin and hair sampled yielded typical results, your mouth swab showed a similar decrease in splitting, suggesting you physically appear as aging, but internally your lifespan is undetermined but significantly longer-lasting.” It’s stuffy, like how Snow’s old smoke felt thick in your lungs. I can’t breathe.

I can barely speak, uttering out a confirmation to set up a visit to discuss the next steps and see where it goes from here, and yes, thank you for your time. My fingertips ghost over the end call before the other line goes dead.

The goldfinch across the yard seems to be having a lovely time picking at its lunch.

If I had the energy, I’d shoot across and drain it, but even then I’d feel more disgusted with myself than I am now. I’m the reason we’re in this standstill, after all. My “condition”.

I stand swiftly, going to find the pack of cigarettes hidden in the side table drawer beside the sofa. Standing back outside with shaky hands and fumblings of my wand (I’m too incoherent and untrusted with a lighter, or even matchsticks), it takes me moments to fully light the fag hanging from my lips. I drag it, the thick smoke burning my throat before I bitterly taking the cig and holding it between my fingers, palms pressing deeply into my eye sockets. I rub, trying to shake the words out of my brain.

They keep floating, buzzing around me incoherently in jumbles of phrases. Each word pelts me, like little flies swarming to pick at my corpse.

I would never admit it verbally, but I’m more scared than anything. Scared of Snow’s reaction; scared that he’s still teetering on the edge of lost and mad.

It’d never cross my mind that he’d raise a fist to me, but the thought of Snow hurting himself to some extent keeps probing into my thoughts.

My phone rests beside me, face up on the red-stained deck and sitting without the annoyance of the string of notification buzzes others may have.

I don’t have much out there to care about sharing or contacting, except Snow, Bunce, and Fiona. I don’t have social media; I have four downloaded applications. A tuning app, Spotify, Skype, and a translator app that isn’t even mine, it’s Snow’s.

I only check emails and texts, a large majority of the latter being Snow texting me pictures of things he finds while out.

After unlocking it, I click through it to open the picture he sent me earlier today.

Simon Snow Pitch: bear_in_a_black_trenchcoat_shirt.jpg

Simon Snow Pitch: i think i found the shirt to get for fiona for Christmas

A wet laugh bubbles up through my throat, eyes squeezing shut automatically to stop the tears welling up. Crowley, he’s going to be so upset.

It briefly runs through my mind that I could theoretically spend the evening acting oblivious to the call, but then I remember that Snow’s grown to be sharp as a witches’ wit when it comes to me avoiding anything.

That leaves me with the inevitable conclusion of telling him.

The time tells me that he won’t be home for another hour. My heart tells me that he’ll be home a half an hour late; it’s the first Saturday of the month, so he’ll stop off and pick up some flowers for me as well as some take-out.

It’s the first Saturday of the month. June 4th. His birthday is in a few weeks, and he was going to save up any money he’s sent from various friends he somehow kept to buy a crib.

It’s the first Saturday of the month of his 25th birthday, and I’m going to have to look him in the eyes and tell him we’re not having a baby.

I jam the cigarette back between my lips, taking a forceful drag as I type out a message, hitting send before setting my mobile aside.

Me: If you’re picking up dinner, may I put in my recommendation for butter chicken and garlic naan? x

The bird across the ways rattles at the food before taking flight, going off somewhere safer than being around me. I let the smoke out slowly, eyelids falling heavily as my chest tugs. It feels like I’m lying to him, sending some innocent text about dinner plans that fit so perfectly into our everyday life as if I didn’t just receive dream-crushing news.

Maybe he’ll take it well. Maybe I’m overthinking again.

Or maybe I know my husband well enough to gauge his reaction based on his personality mixed with knowledge of the situation.

Fuck. I want to be wrong.

For once in my life, just once, I want to be wrong. I want Snow to walk through the door, making my knees weak as he says “I got a voicemail from the doctor about the egg and that’s a pity but I love you so it doesn’t matter!” then we’re mildly upset together, eat enough ice cream throughout the next week until we get over it enough to adopt an animal or two for emotional replacement. Then, eventually, we retire further up the countryside.

It could work. We’ll make it work.

I close my eyes, tapping the ash off as I breathe out into the early evening air.

Life’s a bitch.

I crush down the butt, gathering my phone and the cigarette box after making sure I returned my wand to my pocket and heading inside. My eyes drift to the telly to occupy my mind, but the news is depressing and mindlessly watching Normals do whatever it is they do makes me feel ridiculously lonely whenever I’m doing it without Snow.

I could nap, but that’d be pointless. I could read, but nothing good to—

My phone buzzes with an alert.

Simon Snow Pitch: will do my love <3

Well, fuck.

SIMON

I ring for Baz’s favorite Indian shop, stepping into my car as the city noises close off around me. I toss my satchel in the back and set the flowers in the passenger seat, letting my back sink into the car seat as I rub my face. Cheerily, I greet the shop owner’s voice, confirming that yes, I would like the usual, thank you, before ending the call and letting out a long breath.

The car rumbles to life, music flipping back on where it left off in a thump to the beginning of “Golden Trunks” from that Arctic Monkeys album that Baz hates to love (I tell him he likes it because he dressed like the album sounds). A smile manages to turn up the corner of my lips, despite my overall exhaustion.

I know that Baz doesn’t quite understand why I love my work so much if it tires me emotionally and physically, but it’s rewarding at the end.

It took a few years, especially after Watford, for me to fall back on track for something. It wasn’t until my therapist asked what I would have wanted as a child, and it hit me.

I’d want a social worker who’d give a shit about me.

Then it sort of all… clicked into place (Baz calls it my Hero Complex). I went to school for my degrees, got my certification and all, and now I work with kids to get them out of the system as quickly as possible (and to weed out the shit foster houses).

Sure, it hurts like a fucking gut punch to see people suffer, but it feels like I’m on the moon anytime one of my cases smiles at me and gives me a hug. It reminds me that I’m at least doing something for the greater good.

I guess I sort of have a “hero complex”, but it’s not intentional; it’s the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. Without the thrum of magick, I itch to do something that makes me feel at least somewhat important, and despite Baz’s best efforts to convince me that I’m important already, I still feel like a useless sack of shit too often.

I feel myself exhale as I pull up to the shop, dragging myself in and paying for the food with an automatic kind smile slapped across my face.

I wish I didn’t feel like a useless sack of shit still.

Maybe this baby is the breath of fresh air we both need, that I need.

Fuck, it sounds like I’m saying the relationship is dead, which Merlin and Morgana I swear it isn’t, but after a life of excitement then a plateau, I feel like we won’t survive a plateau. I feel like Baz is going to get bored of me, eventually. It’s just that a change of pace would be good, and nothings more life-changing than another life.

That’s what it is. Changing the pace. Making me more exciting. Making sure that I’m not a sack of shit.

I buckle back into the car, pulling it back and heading home. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.

BAZ

The sun’s just starting to set as Snow’s car pulls up, gravel popping beneath it and quieting before the engine cuts. I listen to the click of the car door, Snow’s soft grunt, the rustling of plastics and the sound of a door slamming. His keys and grind against the lock before the gentle burst of the door opening fills the house, the Snow’s symphony of movements cascading down the halls. I let my book lower, eyes lifting to greet him as I push out a smile. “Hi love,” I say as he flicks on the kitchen light.

Before I even have a chance to fully rise, he’s in front of me, flowers in one hand as he offers the other. I take it, fingers winding around his as our lips meet briefly. “Mm. How was your day?” I query, inhaling the flowers. Pink peonies and gardenias. Interesting.

“Exhausting,” he replies, his voice dropping to a tired murmur that hits me so hard that it makes me swallow. He raises his head, meeting my eyes as he looks at me quizzically. “Are you alright? You went for a smoke today.”

I open my mouth to answer, but snap it shut a moment later. No. Nope. “Let’s eat. The food’s going to get cold.”

He sighs and I feel his hand press to my hip, which just makes my heart race faster. Fuck. “Talk to me.” It’s a command, not a question, and I know it now. I’m fucked.

“I got a call from the doctor.”

His eyes flicker up and around my face, sending my heart to shatter. He fucking knows. He can tell. He’s so… he’s going to… “It didn’t work,” he mutters. It’s not for me, clearly, but I nod automatically anyway. His head drops, stepping back from me as his hand leaves my side and travels to his hair. He cards through it and grips at it, squeezing, pulling.

His mouth starts rapid firing in short huffs of curses, working himself up and pulling away, pulling back into himself.

I hear his voice crack, I see the tears leaking, but every time I reach an arm out, I open my mouth, he steps further. He gasps louder for air, shaking his head and holds his arms out for distance. I barely hear his quiet “Nonono”s through the building sobs.

I ache. I burn from the inside out. I watch him fucking self-destruct, and he’s begging for me to be further, to be away.

I just want to hold him. I just want it to stop.

But he doesn’t even let me breathe in his direct as he starts huffing, face covered by his hands. My eyes transfix on his ring, shining alone from the kitchen light barely filtering in through the doorframe. It’s getting darker outside, the last of the daylight disappearing into deep purples and blues. He’s like a ghost; shades of cornflower and aegean in the dimming night, and his tears serve only to illuminate him. I grow weak, arms falling to my sides as I back away, his anger building and twisting his sadness.

I flinch at the sight of his reddening face, and fucking pray that he doesn’t see.

His eyes dart, and I see something that I’d convinced myself that only existed in dreams now; the fevered rage that The Mage held, all those years ago. The lasting flicker of the madman seeps into Snow, who’s now backing into the wall, staring at the floor and telling himself this is his fault, and I flinch even harder when I hear it happen. The crash and shatter of a picture frame, somewhere near him, clattering to the ground and bursting into glittering shards. His wings swat the air a bit, knocking another frame from the wall. The hiding spells worn thin, letting the sheer force of Snow's anger pushing the wings through the fabric of his button down.

I just gape, no longer feeling there, no longer believing I’m in the room. I can’t feel my body; I haven’t for ten minutes. My limbs don’t exist, and the tears falling down my cheeks are just of my mind’s tricking, but my autopilot of a brain launches my barely-existing limbs forward, descending down onto the crumpling figure of my husband. He’s curled now, curled into himself with hands yanking at his curls, sobbing even harder.

I expect something to happen when I touch him; for him to send me away and tell me to never come back, but instead he does what we both need and he leans into me. I feel his sputterings now, and my face presses to his, presses everywhere, trying to sop up his sadness and anger by just holding him and reminding him that I’m here, against him, by his side.

We sit here, pressed up to the floor and wall for what feels like hours. It’s wordless after a few minutes, the only sound being his hiccup-y breaths, which I coach him through with each open-palmed rub of his chest. He takes it; he takes it all. He takes my cheek kisses, my hair kisses, my hugs and my comfort. Everything that I hide so much from everyone else; he takes it from me and holds it close, giving me back all I need to keep sane; a look in the eyes and a broken but present smile. It’s like taking a bat to my heart, and I can’t do anything but to kiss his lips, over and over, trying to emit something from them.

It takes time before he lets it out, but then it tumbles in the incoherent-Snow-way that hits me in the chest. He sputters “I’m sorry”s, going in the circles of words, retracing them and begging me to stay with him, begging me to make it last.

I take his face in my hands, maybe a little too jarringly because he cuts his sentence and startles. I loosen, looking in him, through his eyes and his quivering lips to try to get into him.

“Simon,” I breathe, ignoring the choking in my throat. “I’m never leaving you. Never. Please, just… stop that, okay? I’m here; fucking hell, I can’t even fathom walking out that door. Child or no child, Simon, I’m here.”

He swallows, another tear trickling down his cheek as his hand finds mine and wipes away the wetness. I watch his soft inhale, eyes closing as my forehead presses to his. “I’m gonna fix this,” he mumbles, voice barely leaving our bubble. “I’m gonna figure out a way to get it to work.” I want to tell him to stop, and that I don’t need anything from him but him, but it seeps into me as his arms snake around my waist that this clearly isn’t for me anymore; it’s for him.

#snowbaz #fanfiction #fanfic #carry on #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #tyrannus basilton grimm-pitch #baz #baz pitch #simon #fic #mine #angst #maybe there's fluff if you squint like super hard #i swear they won't be sad forever #but uh maybe for the next few chapters they will be #hehe #this fic is angst with a happy ending ok

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yminie · 7 years

Text

kitten | min yoongi (m)

pairing: Yoongi x Reader genre/warnings: smut, daddy!kink, rough(ish) sex. words: 11.4k summary: Yoongi’s focus on work has subjected your relationship to having a dry spell, and with a little prompting from your best friend, you tell him exactly what he should do. But you don’t make the rules kitten, and the game you’re choosing to play is a dangerous one.

"It's been how long?!" You winced at your best friend Jennie's pitch, tilting your head away from her slightly as she continued to comically gape at you, mouth open to complete the look.

"Um, three months... nearly?" You carefully regarded her as a multitude of emotions crossed her face, finally settling on confusion.

"Why in the world have you not had sex in three months? Is something wrong?" She briefly glanced down at your lower half and you crossed your arms over your stomach quickly, shaking your head.

"No! God no, we just haven't." Her brows pulled together.

"I know you girlfriend, you and Yoongi used to barely be able to keep your hands off each other. What's changed?" You shrugged carefully. "Is he not... performing properly?"

"It’s not quite like that he just..." You sighed deeply and leant back against the armrest, wrapping your fingers around your cup of coffee, trying to find words to say. "He doesn't want to." If she raised her brows any higher, they'd disappear into her hair and you quickly mumbled in Yoongi's defence. "Like; he's always too tired, some nights he doesn't even get home before I go to sleep. He's been running himself into the ground trying to produce this new album."

She watched you rub between your brows for a moment, quietly processing what you'd said with a gentle nod of her head. You knew she understood, considering she'd been going through similar things with Namjoon for a while now. She'd always understood the life of dating an idol. "Joon was talking about this the other night. He's been trying to convince Yoongi to leave when he does but the boys stuck to his chair in that studio. Have you mentioned this to him at all?" You shook your head.

"Last time I tried to bring up work with Yoongi it ended in that huge fight. We nearly broke up, and it's just fighting a losing battle. He's so talented and I'm so happy for him that he gets to do what he loves but I just," you huffed slightly, feeling your face heat up with emotion, "I-I just wish he'd take care of himself. Or at least let me help him. I live in his apartment for free because he refuses to accept my money, not to mention he doesn't want me to work even though it's only a casual job."

Setting your cup down on the table, you tucked your feet underneath yourself, snuggling further into the blanket draped across the two of you. She leant over to rest her head on your arm, bringing a hand up to pat yours in sympathy.

"I mean I love that he wants to provide for me and everything, but I feel useless just hanging around here all day. It honestly feels like I live here by myself. Considering the fact that there have been nights where I don't see him come home and I get up in the morning only to find that he's already left for training. Sometimes the only clue I get to show he's been home at all is dirty clothes in the basket and dishes in the sink." You sniffled carefully, refusing to let the tears well over as she continued to comfort you, rubbing a hand gently over your arm.

"Maybe just try to catch his attention and find a way to talk about this. He can't ignore how you feel, especially if it's making you this upset. Do you want me to ask Joon to talk to him about it?" You shrugged, shaking your head wearily.

"I don't know if that's the best idea. I would like to talk to him about things but it's just so hard to bring stuff like this up. Especially when he's barely home to talk to." She nodded slowly.

"How about you try and talk to him tonight and if it doesn't work we'll see if Joon can convince him to take some nights off. They're way ahead for schedule anyway." You nodded, giving her a watery smile as you blinked away the remaining moisture in your eyes. She pulled out her phone and typed a quick message happily before dropping it next to her.

"You're in luck? The studios building is closed for maintenance tonight so they're finishing early. They'll be here in about twenty minutes hopefully." She faced you straight on. "As for this sex nonsense," she rolled her eyes jokingly, pulling a chuckle from you, "we need to find something sexy for you to wear to bed tonight." She wriggled her eyebrows at you suggestively and the chuckle turned in to a full-blown laugh.

"Seriously? Am I talking to him tonight or seducing him?" She pulled you from the blanket pile on the couch and dragged you into your bedroom, grinning evilly.

"Why not both? Boys are always more willing to give you what you want after sex. You could tell them just about anything if it's after a good session." Her wink made you cringe, laughing again, and she pulled open your underwear draw, digging through and pulling out various lacy items and throwing them on the bed.

"Hey! I spent time organising those neatly. Be careful!" You caught another piece of lace flying through the air before turning back to her only to find her holding the skimpiest, laciest black bodysuit you owned – one you'd never quite had the courage to wear – with an absolutely shit eating grin on her face. "Are you kidding?"

"Come on! This is so hot!" You shook your head so hard you could swear your brain rattled inside your skull.

"Hell no! I'm not that desperate! Pick something else, or better yet let me pick something instead – considering they're my clothes!" She laughed, watching you gather all the bits off the bed before snagging the bodysuit from her hand and pushing it all back into the drawer.

"You never know when it could come in handy~" she sang, wiggling her fingers toward the drawer again and you quickly pushed it closed before she could snag something else.

"Yoongi's not really like that though," you rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly, "I know he probably likes that sort of stuff but I’m usually a lot more simple." She crossed her arms, looking at you in doubt, a smirk on her lips.

"How about we try things your way and if they don't work, we dig that bodysuit out of your little draw of secrets and try things my way." You grit your teeth and nod silently, not missing the shit-eating grin making another appearance on her face. Rolling your eyes as she clapped her hands happily, you opened the drawer to dig out a cute bralette set holding it up for her eyes to see before snagging one of Yoongi's shirts from his drawer. She nodded, still looking doubtful but you didn't care.

Throwing the clothes onto the bathroom bench, you faintly heard the front door open and a murmur of conversation trail into the lounge room. Jennie trailed out of the room before you, immediately being swept up in a hug by Namjoon as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, greeting each other sweetly. Yoongi had already disappeared into the home studio before you appeared, and you could hear him rattling around and unplugging things. Namjoon spotted you over the top of Jennie's head and put an arm out to give you a quick one-armed hug as you walked towards them. "Hey, ___ how you doing?"

"Yeah, good, yourself?" He nodded jerkily before looking up as Yoongi appeared through the door, laptop and multiple hard drives in hand as he tried to balance them all while clicking away at the keyboard.

"Good! Yeah..." You all slowly turned to look at Yoongi as he continued to search through his computer for whatever he was looking for before they both awkwardly looked back to you.

It took a moment but Yoongi finally lifted his gaze from the screen with a quick "Aha! There it is..." Before finding you with his eyes. "Oh hey jagi! See this here Namjoon-ah, this was what I couldn't find because..." He started rattling off words quickly, many of them technical that neither you nor Jennie bothered to try and understand and Namjoon quickly walked around to stand next to him, leaving his gaze on you for a moment longer before giving Yoongi his attention again, humming in agreement as he continued to babble.

"Still not that desperate? You're gonna need all the help you can get to pry that laptop from his fingers." Jennie whispered, rubbing her hands together uncomfortably and you knew she could feel the tension emitting from you towards the brick wall that was Yoongi's attention span to anything other than work.

"Nope. Not that desperate..." You murmured, settling yourself back on the couch, tuning out the conversation between the boys and focusing your attention back onto the TV.

__________

"Definitely not that desperate." You mumbled under your breath, turning your head and twisting to ensure you looked good from every angle, the bralette and panties still fit you well, thin enough and lacy enough to show a teasing amount of skin without being overly suggestive. It was comfortable at least. Finally throwing the large tee over your head, you quickly unlocked the bathroom door, slipping back into the bedroom quietly only to find it empty as usual. On a normal night you would just climb into bed and fall asleep waiting for Yoongi to come join you, but you wanted tonight to be different.

Crossing the living room quietly, you were unsurprised to hear an unfamiliar mix of beats start up, meaning he was mulling over yet another new set of lyrics. Quietly knocking on the door you gently swung it open only to find the back of his head facing you, headphones wrapped around to each ear and head smoothly bobbing along with the beat. You knew he wouldn't be able to hear you over the music going through the headphones let alone over his own mumbling as he scribbled lyrics messily across the notepad at his side.

You'd almost changed your mind, deciding it would just be easier to go lay in bed and hope he'd appear, but you knew that wasn't the case. So instead you continued into the room, pausing to stand behind his chair for a moment before leaning forward to hesitantly place a hand on his shoulder.

Yoongi didn't miss a beat, unflinching, and he briefly paused his writing to move the headphones back from his ear to hear you whilst still keeping the sound close. "Need something, jagiya?" His pen returned to the paper, scribbling out words and adding new ones in and you almost wanted to rip the damn pen from his fingers.

"Um, yeah, are you coming to bed soon? You've worked a lot today." He turned to look up at you in light confusion, letting his pen drop before finally moving the headphones all the way down to hang around his neck. You'd never really interrupted his home studio time before so you understood why he was surprised by your sudden appearance.

"I'm just finishing up some last minute things before I turn in. Shouldn't take me too long, an hour maybe?" He shrugged glancing back at the track and drawing your gaze to the computer screen. You may not produce music, but you'd learnt enough from being with him to be able to see that he'd only just started a new track and chosen the base beats.

"Just finishing up a song or starting yet another new one that could probably wait until tomorrow?" His gaze flickered back to you and if you could eat your words you would. He went as far as to turn his chair and grab you by the waist, pulling you closer to rest his chin on your stomach, looking up at you worriedly.

"Is everything okay? Why do you look so upset?" You shook your head, still staring at the screen, too nervous to look directly at his face. He noticed this immediately and shook you gently, drawing your attention back to him. "Hey," the hands on your waist pulled you even closer and down into his lap, a hand coming down to pull your legs up until they draped over his thighs, "talk to me."

"I just miss you Yoongi." You sighed, letting your head drop to lean on his shoulder as you let his familiar scent surround your senses as he let his chin rest on top of your head. "I don't see you much anymore." The last part was almost as quiet as a whisper but he still caught it, immediately pulling his head back and searching your expression with a sigh.

"It's my job, jagiya, you know I'm busy." You studied the dark circles under his eyes sadly, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek and his eyes fluttered shut as he leant into your palm.

"Too busy for me?" He sagged slightly in his chair as his eyes dragged back open in agitation, staring at you tensely for a moment.

"Don't take it there ___, you know this is my life." You could tell he was exhausted, which only meant he was even more susceptible to getting angry very quickly.

"I'm not taking it anywhere, I swear. I'm not here to fight with you." You let your hands smooth down from his shoulders to rest on his chest as you leant in, pressing a kiss to his jaw. Yoongi's hands brushed down to rest just below your hips, squeezing firmly as your kisses went first down then back up his neck, finally peaking over his chin to catch his lips with your own. He hummed lowly in response to your kiss, bringing both arms up to wrap around your waist and pull you tightly against his chest, your fingers tangling slightly in the hairs at the nape of his neck.

Slipping your leg across his lap, you settled one leg either side of him on the chair, straddling his thighs as you deepened the kiss, feeling his hands clench the fabric of your shirt in his hands, a soft moan breaking in your throat and your back arching. His lips broke from yours in a gasping breath before meeting your skin again, kissing along your jaw until he reached your ear, nipping carefully as you sighed in pleasure.

His hands quickly slipped underneath your shirt to meet your sides, scraping his short nails gently along your skin, causing goose bumps to rise to the surface and you shivered under his grip. Your hips automatically began to grind down onto his and your head rolled back in satisfaction, feeling him begin to slide the fabric up to reveal your underwear. His hands on your skin, finally, felt amazing...

Almost amazing enough that you could almost ignore the buzzing of his phone, the ringtone he had set for work quickly making an obnoxiously loud appearance. He quickly pulled back from your embrace, leaning around you in an attempt to search for his phone and you couldn't help but push yourself closer to him, trying kiss him again. "Ignore it Yoongi. Please." He chuckled but otherwise ignored you and your attempts to pull his attention back to you, pushing far enough forward that you had to slip back off his lap sooner than fall.

You gave it a final chance, slipping your hand over his as he finally located and grabbed his annoyingly incessant little device. "Yoongi, they can wait." All traces of amusement left his expression and he threw you a sharp look, tugging his hand from your hold.

"____, that’s enough." You winced as his tone cut through the air harshly and you quickly turned on your heel to slip from the room in embarrassment. His rejection stung yet you tried your hardest to hide how emotional you were really becoming. Yoongi said nothing but you could feel him watching as you left, the only sound a heavy sigh as he slumped back into his chair and answered his phone.

It wasn't until a few hours later that he finally dragged himself from the studio; feet sliding across the carpet of your bedroom and pushing the blankets back to expose his side. You said nothing as you rolled further onto your side to watch him as he sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing at his face exhaustedly. You brought yourself up to lean on your elbow, continuing to study him as he climbed under the covers.

Yoongi rolled until he faced you and you both silently regarded each other for a moment before he finally spoke. "I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier." He grabbed your hand in his own and bashfully played with your hand, fiddling with the ring on your finger. "You didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, I don't know what came over me..." You laced your fingers between his before sliding across the sheets to rest your head against his chest, his arm wrapping around your shoulder to pull you closer.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it." You went quiet for a moment, relishing in the feeling of his fingers gently running over your shoulder, softly tickling the skin. "This is the first time I've seen you in bed for a while you know." He tensed slightly before you felt him nod.

"I know it is, I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. I'm just trying to get as much of this album done as soon as possible so I don't have to worry about it later." You hummed in response, untangling your hand from his to slip it underneath his shirt, gliding over the bare skin of his stomach. He relaxed further under your touch, bringing his hand up to tuck behind his head and looking down at you. "I kind of lose myself when I start to write, you know that."

"I just wish you'd let me help you take care of yourself. You know I'd never pull you away from working on something important." You waited for him to nod before you continued. "I just feel like I don't exist in your world sometimes."

His face pinched slightly and he brought a hand up to grab your chin firmly, pulling your face to his and pressing a kiss to the side of your lips. "I'm so sorry jagi." You leant into his touch as you turned your head to meet his lips with your own. The kiss lasted a few moments before he interrupted it, pulling back far enough to whisper to you, "I missed you too, beautiful." He connected your lips again, pulling a soft moan from you as he deepened the kiss.

You pushed yourself closer to him, nails lightly digging into his hip as his tongue slid across your lower lip to be met with yours, his hand dropping from your chin to slide down your thigh before pulling your leg to drape over his hips. Your inner thigh was met with his hardening length and you purred lowly, pressing your leg down over it until he hissed, the kiss breaking for you to stare at each other darkly.

The pause was only momentary before you launched yourself over him, pulling at his lips with yours desperately and sucking his lower lip into your mouth as you crawled over him and straddled his hips, hand under his shirt pushing the fabric up until it bunched around his chest. Yoongi's back arched as your nails dragged across his skin and you met his groan with a sigh, unconsciously rolling your hips against his and whimpering happily at the pleasure spiking in your core.

Your determined attempts however, were cut short as he pulled away from you jerkily, pausing your movements as his jaw opened widely in a yawn, and your hope faded into concern as his eyelids drooped further. 'He's going to pass out from exhaustion,’ you thought as he went to grab your hips again, but you stopped his hands with yours, instead bringing one up until you could brush his knuckles with your lips. He could only watch, regretfully smiling at you, as he melted back into the pillow while you crawled over and onto your side of the bed again.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." Yoongi's mouth dropped open again as he yawned into his palm a second time and you chuckled, turning until your back faced him and letting him pull you into his chest as he spooned you lazily.

"It's fine baby, just get some rest." He hummed in reply, pushing his face into your hair and breathing deeply. Barely a minute passed before you could faintly hear his light snoring start, and you smiled disappointedly to yourself before letting your own eyes close.

__________

The first thing you noticed when you woke up the next morning was that you were much warmer than usual, and it took you a moment to realise that it was because Yoongi was still wrapped around you, head stuck to your chest as he contentedly snored into your breasts and his arms wrapped completely around your waist. It was so out of the ordinary you couldn't do anything but stare for a moment, smiling at the way his soft cheeks squished together and his lips parted cutely with every breath.

Reaching your hand up to the bedside, you grabbed your phone to check the time as your hand came up to run through his hair gently and you froze as you stared at the clock on the screen. Yoongi's comeback prep regularly and for the past 2 years had always begun at 8:30am unless otherwise stated and Namjoon typically came at 8:00 with the other boys to pick him up. The time 7:56 glared at you from the screen and your eyes flickered to Yoongi's – still peacefully sleeping – form in panic and back before you finally brought yourself to grab his shoulder, dropping the phone into the bed sheets. "Yoongi!"

He grumbled in sleepy agitation before pushing his face further into your chest, ignoring your hand shaking his shoulder as he attempted to go back to sleep. "Yoongi, wake up!"

"What?" He grunted, untangling his limbs from yours and rolling over to his side, face smushed into the pillow.

"You're late to work babe!" His head shot from the pillow and he stared at you with one eye open as he thought about what you'd said. Barely 3 seconds passed before you then watched him move the fastest you'd ever seen. Shooting up from the bed to rush into the closet, snatching whatever clothes he could find before bustling through to the shower, his dirty clothes flying across the room as the water started up. A faint knock on the front door sounded and he cursed loudly from inside the shower.

"Jagi, go tell him I'll be out in a second please." You nodded even though he couldn't see you and quickly got out of bed, rushing through the living room as you pulled on a pair of shorts. Pulling open the door you were met with a very sleepy Jungkook and he smiled at you shyly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Morning, Noona. Is Yoongi-hyung okay? He wasn't waiting outside and he hasn't answered his phone." You nodded, inviting him inside.

"He woke up late but he'll be out of the shower shortly." You told him to sit as you turned on the coffee maker, the smell of fresh coffee filling the room as you turned on the TV. "Did Namjoon send you up? They're waiting I assume?" Jungkook nodded, watching the cartoon that appeared on the screen distractedly.

"Yeah it's just us this morning though, the others are going to the dance studio today." You nodded at his reply, ducking your head into the studio to spot Yoongi's phone, quickly grabbing it – luckily for him – from the charger. You grabbed his portable charger and bag from the lounge in there before returning to the living area, hearing the shower turn off as you dropped his stuff on the couch.

Jungkook smiled to himself whilst watching silently as you moved around the kitchen, pouring Yoongi a cup of his favourite coffee in his special insulated tumbler and double-checking his keys and laptop were in his bag. Following them with the stack of USB’s he'd left on the table as the man himself stumbled through the door, hopping on one foot as he desperately tried to get his left shoe on. He paused for a moment and stared at you in grateful disbelief as you held out his coffee and bag, rushing over to sweep you up in his arms momentarily and press kisses to your face, making you giggle lightly. He grabbed both items from your arms and motioned for Jungkook to leave with him. He'd almost made it through the door before you caught his attention again.

"You'll be freezing later, it's coming into winter Yoongi. Take your hoodie!" You snatched the jumper from the back of one of the dining chairs, skipping across to hook it over his arm and he chuckled, grabbing your chin to kiss you again.

"My little lifesaver, I'll see you later okay?" He stroked your cheek gently before finally rushing through the door, Jungkook hot on his heels pausing briefly to shoot you a smile.

"He's lucky to have you." You raised your eyebrows at the young man as he flashed his teeth at you sheepishly, you grinning back at him, before jogging lightly after Yoongi. "Good to see you, Noona!"

"Bye, Kook! Have a good day you two." You watched them climb into the elevator and Yoongi turned to press the button, lifting the tumbler towards you.

"So good!" You laughed as he drank eagerly, the doors closing on them while Jungkook waved sweetly from behind his hyung and you shook your head in amusement, turning back into the apartment. Sure, you'd made no progress with the sex side of your relationship but you already felt a lot better than you did yesterday.

__________

"So you almost had sex twice? But both times were interrupted?" Jennie stared at you over the rim of her coffee cup in disappointment and you nodded glumly.

"Basically." You shrugged, toying with the sugar packets in front of you, the cafe you both regularly visited was quiet today. The sparse scattering of patrons largely being college students and the occasional elderly person giving it a calm atmosphere, along with your favourite chairs being the old armchairs in the corner. It was all very homey; a nice break from the four walls you lived within.

"I would've smashed Joon's phone if I was in your situation. I'd never survive 3 months high and dry. I mean Namjoon and I barely go two days without some kind of-" you made a gag noise and she smirked up at you.

"Please spare me the unnecessary details. I don't want to think about that." Jennie laughed before lowering her voice back to normal.

"I'm surprised you let him go the second time though. I mean you could've done the work, I know you'd have to have stamina in those legs after being with him for so-" you balked, throwing multiple sugar packets at her head as she laughed loudly, shielding her face from the onslaught and rousing looks from the other customers sitting closest to you.

"Can you not?" You hissed, "God, you're too open for your own good." She shook her head as her giggles died down, clearing her throat and standing from her seat. You followed her out of cafe, waving in goodbye to the owners as you slipped through the door.

"So you still don't think you're desperate enough for my ideas?" You thought back to the way you felt this morning, just days after Yoongi and his unscheduled sleep in, and remembered the way you woke up, again, with a particularly insistent ache between your thighs and your boyfriend nowhere in sight.

"Well do you have any ideas other than that god-forbidden lingerie? Because I'm not quite up for that." She raised her eyes brows at you cheekily.

"Do I have ideas? Oh honey, don't forget who you're talking to here." She ignored your eyes rolling and laced her arm around yours to huddle together, the both of you trailing down the frosty footpath, slowly finding your way back to her car.

Once you were inside the vehicle, heater blaring and fingers slowly defrosting in the gusts of warm wind shooting through the vents, she turned back to you. "Yoongi's not a hyper active person right? He's quite calm, and he concentrates well on his music; good for Bangtan, bad for you. I honestly feel like your best bet isn't trying to get his attention. It's grabbing him by the balls and making him pay attention."

"And how do I do that?" You were amused, raising an eyebrow doubtfully.

"Well, I'm not sure. What do you guys normally do?" She smirked again.

"What do you mean?" She rolled her eyes at your furrowed brows and turned her body until she fully faced you, leaning closer to you and leaning an elbow on the centre console.

"When you and Yoongi have sex, what kind of sex do you have?" Your mouth dropped open and you struggled to find something to say, eyes widening at her brashness. "I know you don't like talking about it but I need to know girlfriend." You sputtered as you finally found your tongue again.

"You need to know?" She shrugged.

"You're the one that wants help. I can help better if I know more." You took a deep breath before you answered her original query.

"We just... Have sex?" She stared at you, amused, and waited for you to say more. "I don't know! We don't really do anything out of the ordinary." She leant back into her chair again, tapping against the steering wheel.

"Have you guys ever talked about kinks? Wanting to try something different?" You shook your head, deep in thought, and she cleared her throat to get your attention.

"Namjoon and I ¬– and I know you think it's awkward to talk about, but, bear with me – when we first got together we didn't talk about sexual things or discuss stuff we wanted to try. And over time the sexual drive sort of fizzed out, but we were open about it and talked about things we were curious to test out and since then the sex just got better and better. Maybe you and Yoongi should talk about it." You blushed heavily just thinking about that sort of conversation, even with Yoongi. You had no clue how she expected you to talk to him about it.

"How do I even bring that sort of shit up though? That's so uncomfortable!" You whined childishly.

"We can always find stuff out another way? But something tells me you won't like this idea either." Your brows furrowed as she reversed from the parking space.

"How?" She bit her lip and stayed silent, eyes flicking between the road and you cheekily. "Jennie, how?"

"Let's go visit my lovely boyfriend. He got home early today." Your head shook frantically but she ignore your protests, continuing her course to their apartment complex.

And so you found yourself sitting across from the two of them, refusing to look anywhere other than at the fibres of the rug in middle of their living room, tapping your toes gently on the fabric as Jennie reiterated the situation to Namjoon.

"So, I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask you if... Yoongi's ever mentioned anything?" You heard Namjoon chuckle and your cheeks were quick to heat up in embarrassment, silently begging to be sucked into the cushions of the couch and into oblivion. Unfortunately, life didn't work that way.

"I mean he's never directly told me if he's had problems with way you two... do things." Your gaze shot to his face, finding him already looking at you with light amusement. "But I can tell you he definitely has a darker side. When we were younger, before he met you, he would talk about all manner of things." Jennie leant forward in curiosity, silently gesturing for him to reveal more and he grinned, nudging her as he continued. "Well I don't want to say too much, but some of the stuff he'd talk about even made me raise my eyebrows. And I'm not exactly vanilla." You laughed through your embarrassment, burying your face in your hands and Jennies tinkling laugh joined yours.

"Okay, I get it." Namjoon shrugged with a chuckle and smiled at you in that same cheeky way Jennie does. Who influences whom in that relationship?

Namjoon retired to his home studio and Jennie drove you home, breaking the lull in conversation as she pulled into the parking lot. "Tonight... I want you to try something." You groaned at her words, hitting your head back against the headrest of the car seat.

"What? Please don't put me up to something grotesquely explicit." She shook her head with a laugh, staring out into the lot as she continued.

"It's only light, trust me. Tonight, when he gets home, don't give him the option to choose between you and work. Tell him what to do." You frowned.

"Like... talk dirty?" She nodded.

"From past conversations I've had with Joon and from what I gathered today, I don't think he'll be opposed to it." She shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt to wear that bodysuit either. I dunno, give it your best try. At the end of the day, he's not some stranger; he's your boyfriend and he loves you. You just gotta... remind him that he doesn't pull rank some times." She chuckled and you thought about what she'd said, climbing out of her car. "Good luck! Let me know if you get laid! We're rooting for you!" She threw you a wink and you face palmed as you waved her off, chuckling in semi disgust.

Her laugh echoed softly in the half empty lot, and you watched her depart as you stood waiting for the elevator, nodding to yourself in reassurance. "Talk dirty... okay."

__________

Your afternoons typically went by pretty fast, but today seemed to drag on. The clock only seeming to tick slower when you thought about your conversation with Jennie earlier. After careful deliberation you'd reluctantly settled on 'What the hell have I got to lose.'

Finally deciding to give in, you'd cringingly pulled the lacy black demon out of your draw, staring at it for some time before eventually putting it on, after which you'd spent the majority of your time spinning in the mirror and inspecting every angle. As much as it made you cringe, you had to admit it looked good. And it was something Yoongi would never expect, considering he had no clue you even owned a piece of lingerie like this.

After the third wipe down of the kitchen counters and yet another load of washing done, you admitted defeat, pulling out your phone and texting Yoongi.

What time are you getting home tonight? x

Your fingers hovered over Jennies name in your text messages for a moment before you clicked into the thread, typing out a message to her as well.

Plan is a go. I put it on.

Her reply was immediate.

Jennieee: wtfffff yes girl. Show me!!

You frowned but gave in nonetheless, girly instinct for your best friends approval winning over nervousness. Snapping a quick photo, you quickly pulled your dress down and sent it through before you could chicken out and stare at the picture too long. She must have been waiting for you because as soon as the photo sent it was seen. The little bubble box popped up to show you she was replying just as Yoongi's own reply came through.

MinSuga: couple hours to go jagi x maybe 8?

You sighed at his reply, looking at the clock only to see that 8pm was in fact three hours away, and you knew that if you waited too long in this get up you would chicken out and end up taking it off. You contemplated texting back before Jennie’s reply came through and you found yourself typing replies straight away.

Jennieee: so hot! I told you it would look good!! Even Joon agrees ;) what time is Yoongi getting home??

Wtf?? Why would you show him you weirdo!! And Yoongi said 8?

Jennieee: he's sitting next to me so he saw but it was an accident. Wtf! No way is he getting home that late. Send him a photo! TELL HIM he needs to come home.

You bit your lip as you mulled over the idea, shaking your head at the beginning of her message.

You're so dumb. Accident my ass. I don't want to piss him off? He gets annoyed if I interrupt work... Do you think it'd work??

Jennieee: if he's a normally functioning man he will come home. Send nudes ;)

You know I've never sent a sexy photo let alone a nude in my life right?

Jennieee: trust me this one time and just send one! :*

Fine!!

Standing from the couch, you walked through the apartment until you stood at the foot of your bed, throwing the phone down to dig through Yoongi's side of the closet. Finally settling on a black button up long sleeve shirt, you pulled your dress over your head before slipping your arms into the shirt. You stared at yourself in the mirror for a minute or two, posing a few different ways before grabbing your phone again. After a few trial and error shots you finally caught the hang of it, eventually picking the best photo out of the bunch. Laying back on the bed you carefully considered sending it before opening Jennie’s thread again.

What do I do if I send it and he turns me down?

Jennieee: send another and another until he gives in. ;D

Chuckling, you decided that you had procrastinated enough, finally clicking back into Yoongi's thread and sending the photo through.

Image. jpg - come home now? x

It took a minute or two before he opened it and even less than that before multiple replies came though all at one.

MinSuga: and just what are you up to? MinSuga: fuck jagiya MinSuga: you look so fucking good??

Chewing on your lower lip you tried to channel your inner Jennie, sending him a reply quickly.

It looks better in person. Make me wait too long and I might just have to put it back where it came from.

The little typing bubble popped up a couple times and you laughed as you realised that meant he couldn't figure out what to say. A surge of confidence swept through you and you found your fingers moving before you could control them. Your brain producing all manner of phrases you'd only heard in racy novels or on the Internet.

Tick tock jagi, don't make me wait even longer than you already have.

I'm so ready for you, all you need to do is come home and make me come.

And I'll do whatever you want afterwards...

It's been so long... I get so wet just thinking about you.

The speech bubble on his side cut off and after a moment of silence, your phone started buzzing in your hand and you yelped in alarm, almost dropping it in shock. Writing the dirty words was one thing. Saying them was a completely different ball game. Taking a deep breath and gulping down your anxiety, you answered the phone hesitantly.

"Hey."

"And just what are you playing at?" You faintly heard the sound of a car door closing and grinned in triumph, relaxing and spreading yourself across the bed as you listened to the purr of his cars engine start up.

"I'm not sure what you mean?" You feigned innocence, hearing him start to drive in the background.

"Don't play that crap with me jagiya. This is new... You're not normally this daring." You chuckled, running your fingers through the ends of your hair.

"Maybe I've just gotten sick of waiting for you to offer to fuck me. I'm not asking anymore, I'm telling." His chuckle matched yours, only darker and deeper than you'd ever heard it.

"You're playing a dangerous game here." You hummed in reply and he continued to speak. "Take a wild guess as to who's the better player, kitten."

It didn't take long for all traces of moisture in your mouth to disappear and your shock was tangible through the line of the call as you could hear his laughter echoing from the other side, the unfamiliar pet name catching you off guard. "I-I, what the fuck." You whispered, mouth continuing to open and close as you grasped for something to say.

"I'll be home shortly kitten, you'll wait for daddy on the bed won't you?" The line crackled as it was cut off and the faint beep broke your frozen stance as you pulled back to stare at the blank screen for a moment, blinking slowly.

"What have I gotten myself into?" The force of your back hitting the bed causing you to bounce lightly. In the midst of your nervousness the minutes passed like seconds and suddenly the front door was opening, the jingle of Yoongi’s keys in the door like a shockwave in your bones and you were shaking, hands fisting the bed sheets and yet finding no purchase to anchor you.

Taking a deep breath you sat up in place in the middle of the bed, legs folded beneath you and listened silently for Yoongi’s footsteps in the hallway, but they never came. Two minutes passed, then three and finally five minutes before your curiosity got the better of you. Sliding yourself down the end and off the bed, you padded across the carpet and peaked into the hallway, spotting Yoongi’s shoes at the doorway and yet the man himself was no where to be found. Deciding to venture further down the hall, you paused at the door way to the living room, listening once more to see if you could hear him anywhere in the apartment, but it was deathly silent.

Had he gone into his studio? You had to be kidding yourself, and you quickly crossed the apartment to peer through the crack in the door. Finding you couldn’t see anything past the wall next to his desk, you shuffled closer in an attempt to see further inside without actually opening the door, and you seemed to be concentrating so hard you missed the shuffle of clothing behind you.

You were pressed against the wall, unable to scream in alarm around the hand that had appeared over your mouth, the other against your hip to help pin you to the wall, and you would have panicked if it weren’t for the familiar scent of Yoongi’s cologne surrounding you in a welcome cloud of comfort that had you relaxing in his arms instantly.

His chest and hips moulded to your back, fitting so perfectly against you and you couldn’t help leaning back into his embrace, head tipping back to rest against his shoulder. His hand had yet to release your mouth and you stretched your eyes in an attempt to see his face, but he held you firm, unyielding in his determination to keep you pinned. Finally he ducked his head, the lightest of stubble gently scraping the arch of your neck until his lips brushed the shell of your ear, his voice low and rumbling like thunder in your bones.

“Naughty kitten, I thought Daddy told you to wait on the bed.” Your eyes fluttered momentarily, the tone of voice he’d chosen to use was mostly unfamiliar, but the way it made your core clench and thighs tighten triggered a moan deep in your throat, and you felt his smirk rather than saw it. “What made you think it was okay to ignore my orders?”

His hand released your mouth but didn’t stray far, sliding down until his palm swallowed your throat. Your eyes, already lidded, slid shut at his touch and you couldn’t help but swallow tightly against his grip. The hand gripping your hip wound around your front, still holding you tightly against him and you sensed this time he was waiting for your reply.

“You-” your voice strained against the pressure on your neck and you swallowed once more, not missing the way his thumb stroked against your jaw at the feeling. “You didn’t come, to the room. I waited I swear-” Tightening his hold on your throat, he shushed you, using the arm around your front to flip you very suddenly, and in a flash of movement you were suddenly facing him, feeling a lot smaller than you normally would in his arms. And you were sure it had something to do with the way his eyes were glazed over, staring down at you darkly like you were a delicious three-course meal and he hadn’t eaten in days.

“And that’s an appropriate reason to do as you please?” You shrunk further under the intensity of his gaze; the lack of blood getting to your brain making your thoughts fuzzy and all you could focus on was how much you wished he would kiss you. He clicked his tongue against his teeth in light annoyance and you dragged your eyes back up to his from where they’d drifted onto his lips with your thoughts. “Are you even paying attention at all kitten?”

Chewing on your lip, you hesitated to answer, unsure if he was waiting for your response or not. A moment of silence settled between you and your lips parted in preparation to speak but you were forced into moving before you could form a coherent sentence. Yoongi pulled you from the wall, the hand on your back gripping the black button down you’d stolen from his closet and used it to guide you backwards, keeping your neck in place and forcing you to trust that he wouldn’t run you into anything.

Moments later the amount of light around you dimmed and you could tell he’d walked you into the hallway and towards the bedroom. Heat flashed through your body and you could tell he could see the excitement in your eyes, his composure cracking slightly and the hint of a smile kinking the corners of his mouth in a perceptively sinister way.

His footsteps quickened in pace and you stumbled momentarily before you were suddenly released, falling back through the empty air with a squeal that caught in your throat as your back bounced roughly onto the bed. Barely a breath passing through your lips before he was on you, hands tugging impatiently until the shirt was thrown to the side and no part of your ensemble was hidden. Your hands twitched with the habitual urge to cover some part of yourself from his intense inspection, but you stopped yourself reluctantly, knowing he’d just hold your arms down if you tried.

“You look amazing, kitten. Now where did this naughty little outfit come from?” Your eyes cast down to the hands that were stroking gently across your inner thighs, legs spread and knees hooked around his hips. His length was already hardening in his jeans, and you could fully see the effect you were having on him.

“I’ve had it for a while now.” You chewed on your lower lip, catching his attention with the small movement and he leant down until his body was completely covering yours, but not touching, lips barely a hairs breadth away from yours and your throat closed in; you weren’t breathing but you didn’t notice.

“Hmm, then you’ve been keeping it from me.” His hand drew back until only his fingertips met your skin and began the ascension up your thigh, fingers parting the closer they got to your core until they barely brushed the outline of your heat through the thin lace covering you.

You finally found your lungs as you gasped in a breath at his barely-there touch, watching his lips tilt into a smirk at your reaction to his teasing and his hand continued to rise up your body, more of his hand gradually meeting your skin until his full palm swept up your chest and back around your throat. In a blink his lips were on yours in a bruising kiss that stole your breath again, hand around your throat making your head spin in the best way and his other hand twisting into your hair.

Ripping your lips from his own, he pulled the hair in this fingers until your head was forced to the side with a jerk, the burn against your scalp doing nothing to sway the sharp bolts of pleasure rushing down your body and meeting deep in your core, a deep throb making your hips buck and the blood rushing in your ears making them burn.

His mouth met your cheek and he sucked kisses onto your jaw, and the closer he got to your neck the harder he sucked, teeth nipping at your delicate skin and you could only imagine the purple bruises that were going to be littering your skin later. He leant down to your ear, his mouth only millimetres away, but his voice was muffled through the white noise raging in your skull.

“Daddy doesn’t like it when you hide things kitten.” A dark haze crept around the edges of your eyesight and your eyes fluttered open and closed, your mouth doing the same at your lack of air and all of a sudden he was gone, the hands around your throat and in your hair grabbing your hips and with a twist of his arms he’d flipped you, your face now pressed into the mattress and lungs burning as you drew in a ragged breath.

Gasping for air, you moaned through the rough dryness in your throat as his firm hands run up and down your back, massaging you soothingly as he waited for your breathing to return back to normal. “Is this too much for you jagiya?” He whispered into your hair, sweeping the strands covering your neck away and pressing gentle kisses against the bruises blooming under your skin. You hummed happily and nuzzled your face into the blanket, shaking your head.

“Use your words, princess.” Head turning to the side, you let one eye crack open and peered up at him, hands beneath you fisting in the sheets and you smiled softly.

“I’m okay.” His brow arched and your smile dropped before you realised your mistake. “I’m okay daddy.” A growl rumbled deep in his chest and you saw the flash of a sinister smirk before he was out of your sight, disappearing behind you far enough that if you couldn’t already feel his weight behind you on the bed, you almost could have sworn he’d left.

His hand swings down and meets the thickest part of your ass, bouncing off with the force behind the hit and you whimper, burying your face into the blanket again, the sound of your panting breaking the silence of the room as he massages the reddened skin. You sound like a bitch in heat, and if you could focus on anything other than his hands on you, you’d probably find it within yourself to be embarrassed.

Yoongi’s touch disappears only to hit you once more, on the other side this time, but he doesn’t hesitate to continue his assault on your exposed skin, raining hits across your ass yet somehow never in the same spot, until you’re a whimpering, wriggling mess and he’s forced to sit on the backs of your thighs to stop you from escaping.

“Stop moving kitten, it’s not going to get you anywhere.” His nails stab into you as he grabs two handfuls of the flesh on your hips, squeezing until your hands fly out from beneath you to stop him. He’s quick to restrain you, one hand easily holding your arms down against your back. “Grab your elbows.” The dominance in his voice washes over you and your body automatically responds, back arching and hands cupping your elbows behind you.

“Good girl, kitten.” He hums, hands dropping from your arms to grab your waist, and then your hips are in the air, kneeling with your legs between his and your thighs pressed together. Hands brush over you until he grips you beneath the swell of your ass, thumbs hooking underneath the now soaking wet fabric covering the last of your decency and brushing against the sensitive skin on either side of your entrance.

“Please.” You mewl, trying your hardest not to push your hips back against him, and he chuckles darkly before rearing his hand back, swinging his palm forward and hitting your clit perfectly. You shudder beneath him, hips swaying and legs buckling below you until he’s forced to catch you and right your position.

“Tsk, tsk, kitten. You can’t expect me to give you what you want when you can’t even address me properly. I’m disappointed.” You whine as his hands retreat from your dripping heat, trying your hardest to turn your neck and make eye contact. Seeing your struggle, he leans forward slowly, biting his lip as your glowing face comes into view, lips swollen from your teeth digging in and the prettiest blush he’d ever seen spread across your cheeks and the tip of your nose.

“Ngh- No! Please, daddy! I swear I’m trying my hardest!” He can’t help the soft smile that spreads across his face, leaning down to run his lips across your flushed cheekbone, and your brows furrow in confusion momentarily before you smile sweetly back at him, leaning into the caress.

“You look so beautiful like this.” His voice is hushed, almost a whisper in your ear, and right as your eyes close his hands rush in, tugging the fabric covering you to the side and groaning when you take two of his fingers with no resistance. You gasp noisily, choking on your breath and whining loudly as he buries his fingers deeper inside you, just the right amount of pressure and thickness. You can faintly feel the way you leak around his fingers, wetness trailing down and making a mess on your inner thighs for him.

“You’re so wet baby, you like when daddy tells you what to do?” Scissoring his fingers inside you, he tilts his wrist slightly and digs deeper, teeth finding his lip and eyes sliding shut as your loud moans vibrate through the hot velvet encasing him.

“Daddy!” Your nails are digging in hard enough to draw blood from your arms, but you don’t notice the pain. Your face is buried into the bed and you can’t breath properly but you can’t seem to care, your entire focus is set on the way Yoongi’s fingers are nudging against the sweetest of spots inside you and the sweet release you’ve been waiting for that’s rushing towards you faster than you care to admit. He’s got you spun so tightly that all it would take for you to cum would be the lightest jerk of his fingers and it terrifies you almost as much as it excites you.

Yoongi can feel the telltale throbbing inside you start to grip his fingers and he pumps his fingers a little bit faster, delighting in the way you jerk and arch beneath him. Your whole body is blushing in front of him and he’s so painfully hard but the darkest part of him says he has to have your cum on his tongue first, before he puts his own on yours.

Pulling back until he has a full view of you spread out before him, he tongue peeks between his lips and he stares down at the way his fingers glide in and out of you. The way you’re moaning he can tell you’re about to come and he leans down to your entrance, pumping faster and faster until your cries cease all together and your breath catches in your throat. And then his mouth is on you, tongue buried deep where his fingers had just been and you’re screaming, voice cracking around the muffled cries you can’t control and he has to hold your hips in place with his arms wrapped around your thighs.

Easing you down from your high, he slips his tongue free from your core, catching the little drops that managed to escape him the first time. He’s moaning against you, feeling your thighs shake in oversensitivity while the tip of his tongue, bathed in your release, slides over your swollen clit until your hips are jerking in an attempt to escape the painfully sensitive pleasure.

“Thankyou, daddy.” Your voice is broken and shakes along with the vibrations still thrumming through your body and his eyes shoot up to where he can just see your face, red and puffy with glassy eyes, and you’re still so stunning it amazes him.

“How are you feeling princess?” His touch is gentle now, caressing you softly and attentive hands are encouraging you to unravel your arms and roll to the side. Your breathing is starting to slow and your face is stretched with a grin, and you can’t stop the giggles bubbling up in your throat.

“Good daddy, really good.” Your legs are wrapping carefully around his waist and he takes the subtle hint, leaning over until his face is level with your own. His lips grazing across your forehead gently until they meet yours with a bit more force, but you can tell he’s holding himself back to make sure you’re alright and while your heart swells, you choose to acknowledge his sweetness later.

“Daddy?” You mumble, fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt, and you arch your back to press your chest against his. You can feel him smiling against your lips before he pulls back to look down at you, a dark glint in his eyes when he feels just how close his throbbing length is to your core. He hums at you, raising one eyebrow in question. “I want it in my mouth.”

His hand comes up immediately, cupping your jaw while he groans, eyes lidded and hips jerking closer to yours at the mere mention of getting himself anywhere near your mouth. “What do you want in your mouth kitten?” He smirks when you blush, biting his lip to hide his chuckle when your gaze drops from his. After everything he can still turn you shy and he absolutely adores it.

“Your cum, daddy.” The words were so quiet that if he hadn’t been so close to you already he definitely would have missed them.

“Fuck, princess.” His head drops to your shoulder and his hands tug at his belt, throwing it aside quickly before he gets to work on his jeans, and you slip your fingers under the hem of his shirt to stroke you hands up his smooth chest, running over all the little dips and up to his shoulders until he’s forced to let you slip the material over his head.

His pants are soon stripped from his legs and he shuffles back off the bed, prompting you to sit up and slid down to the floor in front of him. His hands fist at his sides, clenching momentarily as he gazes down at you and loving the way you’re silently sitting there waiting for him to tell you what he wants.

His hands find your cheeks first, cupping your face and tilting your chin up to where it’s perfectly in line with his length. Your eyes can’t help drifting to stare at it, mouth watering as the little beads of moisture run down the head and onto his shaft. The hunger in your eyes pushes him to his limit and he can’t wait any longer.

Guiding his length to your mouth, he hisses when your lips pucker to meet the tip, the precum leaking from him covering your lower lip and making it shine like gloss. It’s so fucking pretty and he has to look away in an attempt to pace himself. Pulling you closer his teeth catch his lip as yours encase the head of his length, tucking perfectly around the swell and sucking teasingly, drawing him further into your mouth.

Groaning, his head tips back as the pleasure washes over him and he releases your chin to twist his fingers back into your hair. His hips start to thrust, shallowly to begin with before he eases deeper into your mouth and the little noise you make when he touches the back of your throat drives him wild.

Your hands come up to hold his hips as you meet his thrusts, relaxing your throat around him and pushing yourself forward. His hips buck at the feeling and you choke a little, drawing back to take a breath quickly and then you push yourself down his length as hard as you can, saliva and precum spilling out onto your lips and his hands messing up your hair. You love this, and you love the way he’s lost in the pleasure of your touch, head dropping forward while his eyes are clenched shut tightly, brows furrowed and little grunts breaking through his lips.

He’s getting closer to his high and he can feel his control slipping, hips coming forward a little faster and pressing against the back of your throat a little harder until a particularly hard thrust has him slipping further into the back of your mouth and his tip slips right into your actual throat. Cursing loudly, his eyes flash open to look down at you in alarm, he’s never gone that far and it feels fucking amazing but he doesn’t want to hurt you.

“Fuck baby, does that hurt?” He’s shocked when you push even further down his length, nails digging into his thighs and throat spasming around his tip in your body’s effort to reject his intrusion, and he’s once again in awe of you, eyes squinting and body shaking as his orgasm is suddenly upon him.

“I’m gonna cum kitten.” He’s gasping and rolling his hips, and you open your eyes at the last second to watch him come undone, swallowing around his hot length, and his own eyes shoot open to catch yours before he’s cumming with a shout, watching sweet little tears trail down your cheeks. “That’s it, swallow… swallow. Good girl.”

He’s far enough down your throat that you can’t actually feel his cum, but you still swallow reflexively under his orders and he hisses, drawing back and easing your mouth off his length slowly. You cough a little and your throat is burning like hell, but the way he’s looking down at you makes it all worth it.

He kneels in front of you, cupping your face and caressing the tears from your cheeks, and pulls you close to press a kiss to your lips, tongue flicking against yours slowly. Pulling you back up to stand, he eases you back onto the bed until you’re laying beneath him once more, lips never leaving yours, and makes sure you’re comfortable before releasing you to undo your lingerie, hands following the fabric as it slips from your feet and lands somewhere amidst the sheets.

You moan roughly when his fingers brush against your core once more, sliding easily through your wetness and you grab his hand without thought, pulling him until he was covering you once more. He shakes his head with a chuckle, letting your impatience slide, using his other arm to wrap your legs around his waist. Gripping his length, he pumps himself a few times, catching your eye while you bite your lip at the sight, and then he’s finally lining himself up with your entrance and sliding home.

He feels like heaven buried deep and you both groan in pleasure as you tighten around his length, feeling him throb and swell inside you. Your back arches with his thrusts, and the earlier abuse on your throat leaves you silent, breathing high pitched and squeaking brokenly as he hits the perfect spots inside you.

“God I love you.” His face is buried in your neck while he moans and pants, hips rolling smoothly and almost lazily. You’re so wet and warm and it’s all for him, and the way you make him feel makes his head spin. Not that you’re fairing any better with the way his pelvis is grinding against your clit and his tongue is lapping at your neck. Every sensation is filled to the brim with his essence and you cum again without warning, arms wrapped around his neck and teeth digging into his shoulder.

“Yoongi!” He swears under his breath as your core wraps around him even tighter, releasing himself from your grip and sitting back on his heels, watching the way your body moves against his hips, breasts bouncing so fucking nicely and head thrown back from the pleasure he gives you. Lacing his fingers between yours, he pumps into you faster and harder, listening to you whimper for him, and his body burns from the inside out while his hips stutter. He comes loudly and jerkily, cum pushed as deep inside you as you let him, and he loves to watch the way it follows him out, slowly dripping from you and onto the sheets.

You curl into his chest when he settles beside you, sighing happily while you listen to the way his heart beats quickly in his chest. His fingers are playing with your hair and you’re tracing the way his muscles dip on his bicep, the silence is comfortable and soothing after the chaos and you find yourself falling asleep like that, sideways on the bed and still completely naked, your favourite person in the world wrapped around you.

__________

You can feel how sore your throat is before you open your eyes, squinting at the soft light emitting from the lamp beside you and taking a deep breath before you look around you. It takes you a moment to realise that you’ve woken because Yoongi is stroking your back, and you roll to face him, finding him smiling softly and holding a glass of water and Nurofen in his other hand. Taking both from him you down the painkillers and drink the water, closing your eyes as his fingers brush your hair back from your face. He’s ordered takeout and you can smell it in the kitchen, but with the way your body aches even just sitting there you know you’re going to need help getting anywhere near it.

“-“ You try speak but nothing comes out, not even the hint of a whisper and he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. You bite your lip with a smile, realising how you’ve lost your voice and you wince as your vocal chords try to make sound in order for you to laugh, but there’s nothing but silence coming from your throat anytime soon.

“Yes, I was wondering if you would lose your voice from earlier.” He shakes his head with a smile, standing from the bed and holding out his hands to take yours, pulling you from the bed and onto shaky legs. He helps you into the lounge and feeds you honey chicken, wrapping you in blankets and massaging your legs, and you couldn’t be more content. Yoongi is finally home for a night, and while you know it’s not going to be like this every evening, you’re ready to make it work as best you can.

The next morning you’re waving Yoongi off to training, voice still rough as you giggle at his kisses and tell him you love him too. You nearly miss the sound of your phone vibrating against the counter but you catch the phone call at the last second, answering quietly in an unsuccessful attempt to make your voice cooperate with you. Jennie pauses on the other side of the line, and you chew your lip as you grin, waiting for the inevitable.

“Where is your voice and how much did you deep-throat! Spill it bitch!”

#i think im funny with that last bit #its finally done #THIS WAS MEANT TO BE 6K #HOW IS IT NEARLY DOUBLE #I HATE MYSELF #yoongi smut #yoongi scenarios #bts smut #bts scenarios #suga #agust d #smut #fluffy smut?#like they're cute in a smuttty undertoned way #????#hope you guys enjoy!#<3

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