#and i think that the. narration. thought boxes. whatever in the issue where she gets her brain rewired don't count to me at least

[luvo27]

i have thought a LOT about how i like to write cass in my fics so here's one of the thoughts:

one thing that i do on purpose when writing from cass's pov is not use the babs or steph nicknames in the narration and this is something that i thought about because if i'm writing in steph's pov, i'll use the steph nickname from time to time but i don't use it for cass. i love love love love the scott puckett batgirl run, and one thing that really makes it unique to me is the lack of cass's narration and yes this is because she doesn't know english for a bit but even afterwards it's still fairly minimal, and there's very much the question of like, how on earth do you translate this very visual character into a written medium? the idea is like, trying to distance the narrator's voice from cass's voice. it's fun in a sense of like, i cant draw and use art to show how cass's thoughts work and how she connects things in her mind, but i can get the narrator to describe her thoughts even if in words not her own so cass might call stephanie by the nickname steph, but the narrator wouldn't, and all of the narration is like a second hand translation of what's actually happening in cass's head and sometimes it's more connected to cass's voice and sometimes it's less connected and i don't know if this is making any sense at all. basically if i were ever going to write a cass comic i think i'd write the narration in 3rd person most of the time

[spiritsglade]

for the character ask game i would loooove to hear you go off about essence :))

[character ask game!!]

oh birdie you knew exactly what you were doing when you sent this in didn't you.

My first impression

I think I probably ran into her first in fic but I don't actually remember anything in that regard. First impression with the comic was that this was a character with a pretty design but somewhat... confusing of a storyline.

My impression now

God her canon portrayal is so annoying and inconsistent I SWEAR. Jason and her misunderstanding and misinterpretating what's going on and immediately jumping to kill each other has happened EVERY TIME and what is the point!!! Her backstory and motivations are so opaque and the flashbacks to their time together in the All-Caste keep on dangling the promise of an interesting story in front of me and then not delivering. Lobdell and Tynion IV when I GET YOU--

However I've thought about her too much and now I have brainworms. She is the side character I have adopted as my own. I understand her better than her creators ever will <3 (I have extrapolated a lot of conclusions from like 3 panels out of all her appearances. It is working out for me.)

Favorite thing about that character

The concept for her character. Particularly as a daughter to Ducra and one of the original Untitled. The fact she's been banished from the All-Caste apparently for not being willing to give up her "dark powers" when Ducra did? That's so interesting to me. It could be such a good parallel to how Jason's moral code causes a rift between him and Bruce. Tell me more. Lobdell you will surely explore this further, won't you? Lobdell aren't you gonna-- LOBDELL

Least favorite thing

Can I complain about Lobdell again. I will not. Instead I will complain about how her little like... intro narration box? You know the thing where comics will give you a little line to tell you who a character is if you don't know them already. Hers is that she's the "last human descendant of the All-Caste" which is just WRONG? She is the DAUGHTER OF THE UNTITLED. She is like, objectively not human at this point. JASON is the last human descendant of the All-Caste, maybe. Y'know, the first human they've taken in in over a century and the first in millennia to survive a cleansing? Y'know, that guy?? Also she literally reinstated the All-Caste at this point in the timeline why are we calling her the last human descendant. She's literally they're leader right now. I'm so mad I'm so mad I'msofmkgekmreklgm

Also I really don't like that her Blood Blades draw only the blood of the guilty or whatever like it does to Artemis in RH:O #45. Or the whole capturing souls thing in #35. I hate it I hate it I hate it girl please go back to fighting people with your smoke magic.

Favorite line/scene

I overall think the scene in RH:O #35 was bad but I do particularly like her lines here.

I have never wanted to lead the All-Caste... I am a soldier. Heart and soul.

Oh girl. Girl you are never escaping the legacy of your mother. Ignore the fact that Ducra is literally still alive even though we established that she died in the first issue and her ghost vanished back in RHatO v1 #27 I'm not mad.

Favorite interaction that character has with another

Her fight with Kori in RHatO v1 #22

I think using Tamaranean tech like this is very clever!! Essence is immortal, ancient, and very powerful, but alien tech was also a weakness for her back in Issue #7 and I think that's a nice touch.

Also the fact that Kori literally summoned her to try to talk and help Jason and they end up trying to kill each other for several pages is so funny to me. Like. In the next volume Essence also fights Artemis and possesses Isabel like... girl are you jealous that he's seeing other women? Is that what this is?

I think the thing with the amnesia arc where all of Jason's friends were trying to help him from different angles and with incomplete information and in the process fucked over each other's attempts forever could have been really interesting if written well.

Close runner-up:

Right before this Essence says:

We need to talk, Mother. About the great darkness that looms over all that lives. About a mistake you must at long last rectify.

It's giving the "I think we're gonna have to kill that guy" meme to me. And that was entertaining. These are the depths I need to sink to find hope.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

ISABEL ARDILA. Genuinely fucking impressive that Lobdell managed to write them literally sharing the same body and have them not interact at all. I don't even know how he did it. He deserves an award. How does Isabel feel about this arrangement? How does Essence feel?? Like Issy you chose on purpose to pick up the sword again and keep letting Essence use your body in RH:O #49. Let's talk about that--no we're not going to? We have to move on and do Duela's arc and Red Hood: The Hill now? Oh. Oh okay. That's fine then.

Anyway I think they could turn the bodysharing into a beautiful symbiotic relationship if they tried. Essence/Isabel as a ship is slept on I swear.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Jerboa III/Boa from Wings of Fire. Her mother (Jerboa I) was an animus (basically a dragon that can do whatever magic except raise the dead) who created her and then basically kept editing her personality and existence for like 2,000 years so she could have the ideal daughter. Obviously this is very fucked up. Eventually Boa catches onto this, betrays Jerboa I and kills her, but not before Jerboa I curses her. We don't talk about what happened to Jerboa II. (We know that she "went wrong" and Jerboa I "disposed of" her.)

Do you see the vision. Ducra implanting "pure life" in Essence's body. Banishing her when Essence railed against what Ducra wanted for her. Essence's entire life being dedicated to this fight against the Untitled. Like we are very much getting into headcanon territory with Essence when I make this connection but Boa manages to escape her mother and also the entire fucked up legacy of animus magic and I think that is lovely for her. Manifesting that for Essence.

She's also Hornet from Hollow Knight just a little bit. To me.

A headcanon about that character

She is more headcanon than actual canon substance to me at this point. Um. She has mommy issues re: Ducra. Her banishment from the All-Caste was because Essence refused to purge the "dark magic" (The essence of the Well of Sins she carried in her, the bond that tied her to the other Untitled that Ducra had long cleansed from herself.) They'd been having disagreements since the beginning of time that just happened to be what finally made it boil over. I'm still a little vague on this but I think Ducra setting up the All-Caste and the truce with the Untitled had some long term negative consequences for the world (like how in RHatO #5 the Untitled in Middleton, Colorado had the townspeople under its thrall). Essence doesn't want to spend the rest of eternity waiting for the day the Untitled inevitably decide to take over the world, but Ducra is all 'this is your duty' about it. Also remember that the Untitled are Ducra's siblings and Essence's aunts/uncles.

Anyway Jason's admittance into the All-Caste was the trigger for Essence acting out against Ducra properly for the first time. Him being this fresh new perspective so hellbent on vengeance really helped her realize that she wanted more from her life than to be another soldier in Ducra's war against her siblings.

Do you see the parallels I'm shoving in here between her and Jason. I am just saying.

A song that reminds of that character

Alas I must expose myself as a non-music listener. I'm sorry. Random Gods from the Rain World soundtrack that's the best I can do.

An unpopular opinion about that character

Honestly I don't think anyone cares about her enough for there to be popular opinions but uhh. I think this panel is incorrect about her and Jason's relationship.

Boy and girl are always there for each other.

Are they? Are they??? God I wish they were. Goddammit.

Anyway. I think Essence building the All-Caste was actually the most boring fucking direction to take her character but I can't even be that mad because she was barely a coherent character to begin with. However, her recruiting for the All-Caste... where the fuck is she gonna get these recruits for this secret old as time warrior monk sect?? Why exist at all when all the Untitled are allegedly wiped out (i.e. the entire reason the All-Caste existed in the first place)?? Escape from the shadow of your family's legacy come onnn Essence you can do it I believe in you!!! AUGH.

Favorite picture

Shoutout to RH:O #35 for having some really pretty panels of her.

ANYWAY THAT'S IT FOLKS. If you actually read all of my inane ramblings, um. Thanks! I'm normal about Essence.

[pluckyredhead]

Red Hood and the Outlaws #3 (2011)

I hate the New 52 Robin costumes so much. So much pointless, ugly detail. Also, now that I'm looking at their clothing...what are Jason's pants made of? What the fuck are those shoes? How does he put this clothing on?

The orientalism of it all. Jesus.

Please note the last narration box claiming that the All-Caste guarded the entrance to the Chamber of All until a half an hour ago. Which means that the sequence of events according to these three issues is: the All-Caste were slaughtered; Essence found out about it; she traveled to St. Martinique in some way and told Jason; Jason from all the evidence given walked from St. Martinique to the Himalayas and mourned Ducra by himself; then returned to St. Martinique to get on a plane with Roy; flew to Hong Kong; went to his safe house; fought Suzie Su; took a helicopter ride to the Himalayas (which, I know Lobdell is an idiot, but Hong Kong is not near the Himalayas and not a logical place to fly into to get there); said exactly the same words to Ducra's dead body, this time with Roy and Kori watching; spoke to Ducra's ghost; fought the zombies of the All-Caste; mourned some more; and entered wherever they are now.

In half an hour.

(I guess theoretically Essence could have told Jason that the All-Caste were in danger from the Untitled but not yet dead, and obviously the double Ducra scenes are a continuity error, but there's no indication in the previous issues that the All-Caste were killed minutes before Jason arrived.)

The kid tells the Outlaws they will have to temporarily hand over their most cherished memories in order to enter the Chamber, which they do. Inside, they fight a giant monster. It's very boring, although at one point it lassos Kori with its tongue and she says "Untongue me, creature!" which is quite charming in a cartoon Starfire kind of way.

Meanwhile, the kid watches the Outlaws' various memories: first Kori's, of being sold into slavery by her parents, and then Roy's:

It makes very little sense that this would be Roy's most cherished memory, but I guess it's about being shown compassion at his lowest? Or turning a corner? Whatever.

Anyway since Ollie was like 22 in the New 52, I get that they were struggling to figure out a dynamic between him and Roy that wasn't paternal, but I don't think stock options were the right choice. Luckily, we'll get like twelve different contradictory references to Roy's backstory in the future, so don't get too attached to...whatever the fuck this is.

Kory kills the monster. Jason finds what they were looking for, which is a snow globe of Colorado. I thought they were chasing the guy who killed the All-Caste? Did they forget? Did Lobdell forget? He supposedly only went in there half an hour ago, where is he?

The Outlaws return to the outer chamber, where the kid returns their memories, but Jason tells him to keep his, because he's a badass or something. The memory turns out to be Bruce staying in from patrol with Jason because he's sick, which is very sweet, but really doesn't make a lot of sense because it's canon that the characters don't know which memories they've given up. Whatever. This issue didn't have much going on, clearly.

[gamesception]

Sception reads Cass Cain #6

Batman #569, September 1999 written by Janet Harvey, pencils by Sergio Cariello

So here we have the first instance where Cassandra is the main character of an issue, and the primary focus of its story, but the lead creatives aren't her primary team of Peterson, Puckett and Scott. And for a mainstream comic hero that's a big test. Harvey takes a different approach to writing a non-verbal character than Puckett, one that's maybe less innovative and experimental, but that's so easy and obvious that I really have to wonder why I didn't see the same approach taken more often. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The comic starts with a non-super-villain affiliated gang trying to kick this Sanchez guy out of his gas station in an area they've claimed, presumably to take whatever gas and supplies are left there. And in blue boxes we have some faux noir-esque narration of the type commonly employed throughout bat books from the dawn of time, both for exposition and for letting letting the audience in on the main characters' thoughts. I'm not a big fan of the gimmick generally, and one of the things I liked about Cass, especially in her early non-verbal days, was that her book focused more on storytelling and characterization through the art on the panel. I know "show don't tell" is a bit of an overused cliche, but imo it invited the reader to empathize more directly with Cass since you didn't have this layer of text in between you and her.

But not every writer and artist were up to that - and Cass's faceless costume design made it that much harder. Most back book writers had been relying on their narration blocks for so long that they didn't know how to tell a story, let alone a bat story, without them. As a result, it seemed like most of the bat book writers just didn't know how to use Cass, and so she showed up sparingly in other books, and when she was just this silent shadow that none of the other bat family characters could meaningfully relate to.

The funny thing is, looking back now at this issue for the first time, from before her solo book even started, Harvey had already figured out how to put the circle through the square hole.

Because the blue text blocks are Cass's thoughts, or at least describing what she's thinking, even if in universe she isn't thinking these things in words exactly. In the same way that a comic might write out a foreign character's dialog in English, and then just tack a note that in-universe they're speaking French or whatever.

Which, yeah, is just the obvious solution to the problem? If you're writing a Cass story but don't know how to do that without your typical narration boxes, then just use your typical narration boxes.

Oh, also I love that close up in the middle panel there, with her big smile - drawn right through the mask the way I keep saying artists should do. Because it's ok to cheat in comic art. Spider man cheats by having the eyes on his mask change shape to show his expression all the time. But anyway, yeah, with that big smile you can feel her easy confidence and excitement. She's enjoying herself. She's having fun. This is play to her. That idea, that she /enjoys/ being Batgirl, will be important when we get into some of her issues with guilt later in her own book, so it's great that we're already seeing that side of her here, an aspect of her personality that is entirely lost when she's portrayed as just Batman's silent ninja enforcer.

But yeah, that's Cass right there. That's our girl, that's who we're here to see.

We also see that her instincts are dangerous - she was taught by an assassin - trained to kill. No matter how much fun she's having, she can't just cut loose, can't get carried away and lose focus. She has to actively restrain herself. She starts to have fun flexing her fighting skills, but then she remembers what those skills were originally meant for, what she was originally meant for, and the fun is over.

Mr. Sanchez is in high spirits after the rescue and very chatty. Cass gets annoyed by this, which I choose to read as reflexive insecurity about not being able to communicate verbally herself.

Cass signals Bat HQ that she's secured the gas station. Apparently there had been a plan to send extra help to get some gas for the hospital (the hospital is still functional? Why isn't Dr. Thomkins there then?), but it's too dangerous at the moment so Cass is just going to have to hold the station by herself overnight. Which is framed as a tough mission, a test of her competence.

There's a flashback to a few hours earlier when the mission was first assigned, and we get to see how excited Cass is to be useful, how eager she is to please Bruce in particular. Especially nice since we get to see her emoting without the mask in the way. The scene is nice, and it emphasizes both her youth - she's still just a teenager - and her motivations. We also see Barbara both vouching for Cass's ability and worrying about her safety, which fits the big sister/surrogate mother role she'll serve in Cass's ongoing.

Meanwhile, Bruce still isn't completely sure what to make of Cassandra. He trusts Barbara's recommendation, and has seen first hand Cass's martial skills and her commitment to finding nonlethal solutions to problems even where none seems possible, but yeah, this is very much a test.

Cass gets frustrated with the chatty Mr. Sanchez and heads outside, where we get a bunch more of the narration blocks and some art I don't especially care for, with weird comic woman proportions and spray-painted-on costume and weird boots. The ruined city background art is pretty nice, and none of this is terrible looking. Just not particularly great. I like the way the artist draws Cass's Batgirl outfit when she's just a lurking shadow, just a silhouette, like in that first panel there, even if it's small, or this panel from earlier that I didn't grab before:

Yeah, good spooky Cass silhouettes. But when the details fill in, not as much.

Anyway, the thugs come back later with a rocket launcher, there's some fighting, but while Cass is able to save Mr. Sanchez, the gas station is destroyed.

Which means Cass failed her mission. Failed the test.

Failed Batman.

Cariello does a fantastic job portraying how fucking pissed Cass is in this panel, and how terrifying she is in her anger. Again, when he's rendering her as a spooky silhouette it's great.

Again Cassandra risks gets carried away - this time by her anger rather than having fun - and her restraint slips, letting the lethal training her father drilled into her come to the surface.

Sanchez talks Cass down, and she turns away just as Bruce shows up, and thankfully there was a separate stash of gas they can take to keep the hospital generators running.

....

Overall this was a pretty good issue for our girl. While I might not like some of the art or some of the writing choices as much as if this issue had been done by Peterson, Puckett, and Scott, this is still very much a Cass Cain Batgirl story, the kind you might have seen in her solo book. The tone is right, the themes are there, the interpersonal dynamics between her, Bruce, and Barbara. Her character and personality comes across well.

Given how badly her solo book drops off later on, her disastrous villain period, the mess that followed after, how I never really felt like she found her footing again... over the years I've kind of built up this idea in my head that, as great as Cass was in her prime, maybe she just wasn't a good fit for the collaborative, factory format of mainstream US superhero books. Like only one team could ever get her right, which made her a bad fit in a medium where creative teams are constantly shifting and a shared universe where characters are regularly crossing over into each others stories.

But this book stands as an easy and very early refutation of that entire thought. Harvey isn't writing this book like Puckett would have, and Cariello isn't illustrating like Scott would have. This is a book that looks and reads much more like typical Bat book fare, and yet Cass is working fine here. That's very recognizably our girl. And this right after the previous issue I looked at, where she worked pretty well as a side character.

If multiple creative teams outside of her own could get her right this early on, why did others fail - and fail so very badly - later on, when the character if anything should have been more well established?

[iliveiloveiwrite]

take me by the heart, take me by the hand // Elijah Mikaelson

A/N: An extension of the blurb I wrote on my blurb night a couple of weeks ago!! My taglists are open! If you would like to be added, drop me an ask and I’ll add you!! I hope you all like!

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x GN!Reader

Warnings: jealousy, soulmates, pining, mutual pining, mentions of food.

Word count: 2.1k

The sun was shining when Elijah Mikaelson began to understand jealousy in its unending torture. He wasn’t used to such an emotion. He wasn’t used to the blind rage that filtered through his body when he caught sight of you laughing with his brother. He wasn’t used to the want that would settle deep within his gut whenever he made you smile, laugh.

He supposed there was a sick juxtaposition in the fact that there he was, a creature of the night, sitting in the sunlight as he watched you laugh along to whatever story Klaus was currently telling.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t felt jealousy before, but Elijah had never experienced it to this extreme where he felt like the villain of a fairytale, desperate to steal the innocent love interest away and keep them for eternity.

“You wrestled a bear!” You gasp, bringing Elijah’s attention back to the room. Your eyes are  wide as you hang onto every word of Klaus’ story.

The narrator nods; a smug smile crossing his face as he begins to act out the crux of the story. “We had this newfound strength after we were turned by our mother,” Klaus explains, “And the bear was easily disgruntled, choosing me for its next meal.”

“What did you do?”

“Well, love,” Klaus croons; his smile turning to a smirk as he hears Elijah grit his teeth. “I chose to engage.”

“Why would you choose to do such a thing?” You demand; eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern for Klaus’ ability to make sane decisions. Elijah makes himself turn away; if he could, he would press away the furrow between your brows with a kiss, explaining that his brother was ever the exaggerator as he was an actor.

Klaus shrugs, lounging in his chair with a self-satisfied expression on his face. “Because I could and can,” He answers plainly, catching Elijah’s narrowed gaze from across the room and raising a single eyebrow in challenge.

Elijah doesn’t rise to the bait; doesn’t give himself the chance to. Instead, he leaves the room, feeling your frown on his back with every step he takes away from you.

“Have I done something to offend your brother?” You ask Klaus; your voice small as you stare at the doorway Elijah only walked through moments ago. Elijah had been off with you for weeks; staying in the room with you for limited amounts of time before stalking off to another room. He rarely spoke, but the soft timbre of his voice sent shivers down your spine with every word uttered. You couldn’t bear the thought of having offended the man you found yourself attracted to.

“You’ve done nothing, love,” Klaus reassures in a rare moment of affection. “My older brother just has some issues he needs to work out.”

“Oh,” You reply, falling quiet and remaining so for the rest of your time spent with the supernatural family.

----------

“Are you going to explain what is wrong with you, or are you going to stew in your feelings all night?” Klaus demands of his brother as soon as he enters the room, having seen you off only moments ago. The decanter of whisky sits open on the coffee table; one glass out of the two already filled halfway. Klaus helps himself to the other glass, pouring a knuckle’s length of the amber liquid.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” Elijah states airily, bringing his glass to his lips. He knew full well that he was jealous; he knew that was distancing himself from you and his sibling, unable to bear the rising envy clawing at his throat. What pains him most is that he can how his distance affects you, how hurt you look when he returns clipped conversations. The furrow between your brows deepens and he feels like a monster for being the cause of it.

“Your behaviour in front of (Y/N),” Klaus explains, doing his best to keep the anger aimed at his brother at bay. “They think they’ve offended you.”

“(Y/N) could never offend me,” Elijah states vehemently.

“You’re going to have to explain that to them.”

“I will eventually,” Elijah sighs, finishing off his drink and quickly refilling it.

“Whatever it is, brother, you can tell me,” Klaus promises in a rare moment of softness.

“That’s the thing, brother,” Elijah begins, “I don’t know what it is. All I know is that I see you two interacting and I lose my mind to jealousy.”

“Ah,” Klaus whispers, a knowing smile on his face as he places his glass on the table. The younger of the two men stands, clapping his brother on the shoulder before leaving the room.

Klaus finds it hard to keep the smile off his face as he wanders the halls of his New Orleans home. His brother had found his soulmate and hadn’t realised it. Their mother had warned them of such magic; the natural magic of the earth that created two souls to be intertwined perfectly. Outwardly, Klaus didn’t put much stock in the belief, but he had seen his mother turn his siblings into monsters cursed with having to walk the night for an eternity. It would make sense for soulmate magic to enter the Mikaelson home once and for all.

Elijah doesn’t stand from the chair; he remains seated for the night, resting his chin on his hand as he tries to get to grip with the feelings roused in your presence. He can no longer deny the attraction he feels for you; can no longer ignore the fact that he would give everything to wake up in a morning with you beside him, but what he cannot explain is the darkness of the jealousy holding him in its grip.

He only leaves the chair when he hears your voice chiming off the stone walls of the compound they call home. Your laughter lightens the atmosphere of the house; bringing joy to a home that was so used to the darkness of Klaus’ moods.  

The kitchen is bright with the morning light as Elijah settles at the table; his gaze already fixed on Klaus and yourself. The former grabbing a box of cereal from the cupboard as you help yourself to the fridge for the milk.

It’s as you sit down that he begins to feel it. The sunlight catches you perfectly; your hair practically soaking up its rays as if you were to become the celestial being itself – the brightness radiating out of you with every laugh, every smile, and every animated gesture of your hands as you tell off Klaus for the fifth time already today. Elijah tightens his hand into a fist in an effort to keep the growing possessiveness at bay.

He didn’t know where it began; this dark urge to possess you. All he knew was that the majority of the time, his thoughts revolved around you along with the word ‘mine’ on repeat. The façade of the gentleman, so carefully crafted after a millennia wandering the earth, began to crumble in your presence. Elijah could feel the green eyed monster clawing its way through his body, its claws sinking in deeper with every friendly glance at any man that wasn’t him.

“It comes with finding your soulmate,” Freya announces to her younger brother; the earthy scent of sage blooming around her as she takes a seat next to him. Elijah raises a single eyebrow in question; not in the mood for futile conversation today. Freya represses the urge to roll her eyes as she elaborates, “The jealousy. The irrational anger. The want. It comes with finding your soulmate.”

“Soulmates are a myth,” Elijah counters, finding his gaze drawn to you – watching you talk to Klaus, laughing at one of his calmer moments. The very action has Elijah clenching his fists to keep the anger at bay.

Freya fixes her younger brother with an unimpressed look. “Elijah, you’re one of the oldest vampires in the world, and I’m a witch. We are the myths whispered around campfires.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Elijah wonders in awe. “I never thought I would have one,” He continues in a softer voice, thinking of his past lovers – they had never made his mind race, or his breath stop in his chest, they were never his last thought at night and his first thought in the morning.

You were, however.

Elijah meets the gaze of his wiser, older sister to find her already watching him with a fond smile on her face. “Go speak to (Y/N),” She urges in a soft voice, “Explain everything.”

With the support of his sister, Elijah makes his way to where you sit with Klaus. His younger brother already regaling you with one of his many stories about his past; the darker parts of each tale hidden away this early in the morning. Klaus pauses his tale as Elijah clears his throat. “Could I have a moment of your time?” Elijah asks of you, glancing between Klaus and yourself. Klaus raises an eyebrow but wisely remains quiet.

“Of course,” You murmur, standing from your chair, following the older gentleman to an alcove just down the hall from the kitchen.

“I wanted to apologise for my behaviour,” Elijah starts when he feels certain that his siblings aren’t listening in, “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you in any way over the past couple of months. I’ve been coming to terms with some personal things and Freya, thankfully, explained the cause of such behaviour this morning.”

“Your apology is accepted, Elijah,” You laugh, smiling happily at the taller gentleman, taking note of how he seems closer to the Elijah you have come to know and love. “What did Freya explain if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I don’t mind at all,” He answers, “You’re bound to find out eventually.”

“Don’t keep me in suspense, Elijah!”

Elijah chuckles, smiling down at you indulgently. “I was jealous,” He explains; his face turning thoughtful. “I couldn’t figure out why. Whenever I saw you speaking or laughing with another man like Klaus or Kol, or even Marcellus though I know he’s happy with Rebekah, I was overcome with such intense jealousy that it was hard for me to get control of.”

“You were jealous?” You splutter, “Of what?”

“Of the men you so easily formed friendships with. I wanted to be the one you smiled at, that you laughed with.”

“I thought you hated me,” You confess timidly. “I thought I had broken an ancient vampire protocol and I had offended you.”

“You could never offend me,” Elijah states, “And I could never hate you, it’s rather the opposite.”

“The opposite?”

Elijah nods. “Freya explained to me the existence of a magic I once believed to not exist. I had never seen it; thus I could never state its truth. It wasn’t until Freya explained that the reason behind my jealousy and dark moods was that you are, indeed, my soulmate did I even remember that such a powerful magic exists on this planet.”

“Soulmate,” You breathe, peering up at Elijah through your lashes, “I’m your soulmate?”

“As I am yours,” Elijah swears, stepping that little bit closer to you.

“Vampires… witches… soulmates,” You whisper, unable to comprehend the change in your belief system.

“You’re not upset, are you?” Elijah asks, reaching for your hand. He need to know your feelings on this; should you not want the bond; he would take a step back. It would hurt, but he would do it for your happiness. Should you accept the bond, he would be a man in possession of the greatest living thing on earth – you.

“I’m not upset,” You promise, smiling at the original vampire, tangling your fingers together.

You place your free hand on Elijah’s chest, fully aware that you would not feel a heart beat under your palm. Even through the designer material of his perfectly tailored suit, you can feel the coolness of his skin and whilst many would be repulsed by the lack of warmth, you only feel further attraction for the man in front of you.

Elijah’s hand covers yours; the action speaking louder than any words could. He can feel the life thrumming through your veins; the vitality that punctuates the air with every breath you take. He feels drunk on his feelings for you; at a loss to understand how your paths crossing months ago could lead to a moment like this.

“I want a forever with you,” You whisper boldly, moving your hand to the back of Elijah’s neck.

“Forever and more,” Elijah promises; sealing the spoken vow with an unhurried kiss.

*****

The Originals taglist: @angelxnaa

Special fic tag: @elijahs-wife

[rayofspades]

How to Write a Horror Story: The Magnus Archives

This post is kinda weird since most tumblr fandom content is based on the assumption that Everyone Has Seen The Thing, but since this is a transcript of a video essay, it’s more broad. 

I might link the video in a reblog since, you know, tumblr doesn’t like links.

Anyways, here’s the post:

Hello Jon, apologies for the decep-

I’ve seen a lot of mystery shows in my day, and some supernatural shows, and the common thread between them is that they kind of...fall apart as they go on. 

Obviously, this is a generalization and I haven’t seen every mystery show or every paranormal show, but it’s a pretty common problem. 

At this point in pop culture criticism, it’s basically common knowledge that these shows fall apart due to a lack of planning. If a mystery series is making shit up as it goes along while trying to surprise the audience, it’s going to stop making sense at some point. And if an episodic paranormal show is constantly trying to up the stakes, eventually it’s going to become absolutely ridiculous and stretch the audience’s suspension of disbelief past a breaking point. 

Other people have already talked about this stuff to death, but today I want to talk about a paranormal mystery show that actually succeeds at what it set out to do.  

The Magnus Archives is a podcast written by Jonny Sims and directed by Alexander J. Newall. It ran from 2016 to 2021 and it’s...really really good. It’s an episodic horror story, taking place at the fictional Magnus Institute where the head archivist reads various statements about people’s encounters with supernatural entities. It’s got it all; scary stories, mystery, an overarching plot, office comedy, office romance, office tragedy, a villain that’s making straight men everywhere question their sexuality, and an overall really solid structure. 

If you listen to the Q+As put out by the writer and director, you’ll hear them talk about how they planned the series from the beginning, setting up the layout for each season. Some things were definitely changed throughout the actual writing process; that’s just inevitable and necessary when you’re working on a long running show, but in a general sense, they knew where they were going. But, writing a good story doesn’t just involve knowing where you’re going; it’s about executing whatever plan you have effectively. And I think the execution of The Magnus Archives is pretty brilliant, so I want to talk about it. 

And for the record, I said “brilliant,” not “perfect.” I do have a lot of criticisms of this show, and I’m definitely going to talk about those too, because honestly? Even the problems with this show are interesting in their own right. 

Ok, let’s go. 

Oh, spoilers by the way. For the whole plot. Whole thing. 

Part 1: Horror and Mystery 

Ok, so The Magnus Archives has two separate plots going on: the episodic stories that can be listened to individually, and the underlying meta plot. The former is where most of the mystery storytelling takes place, and it’s a really engaging mystery. It’s starts off slow, and almost undetectable at first. The main character, Jon, also known as The Archivist, is just reading out old scary stories that people have delivered to the Magnus Institute. Stuff like; a college student sees a ghostly inhuman figure asking for a cigarette, a woman’s fiancé dies and she finds herself trapped in an empty graveyard, there’s this goth kid who apparently murdered his mother and then skinned her? But she’s kind of still alive? What the f*ck? Hope we never see that kid again. Also, this “Jurgen Lietner” guy wrote a bunch of cursed books and Jon knows about this? Are more books gonna come up? And then you’re like, wait is the goth kid who killed that burn victim the same goth kid who killed his mom like 8 episodes ago? Holy shit the family of that girl’s dead fiancé FUNDS THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE? Did this famous youtuber meet one of the missing people from episode one? The goth kid is back and he’s looking for Leitner books? The name “Michael” has come up like 6 times? Are they all the same guy? I just—who the f*ck is Jurgen Leitner? 

So yeah, as you can see, a lot of these stories connect in cool ways, and I’ve only mentioned like, 0.2 percent of all of those connections. Furthermore, these stories are told out of chronological order, and sometimes the same scenario appears in more than one statement, told from different perspectives. This asymmetrical storytelling and odd doling out of information creates a mystery that’s really interesting. It also makes for a great re-listen, since you can retroactively see what elements were set up before you even realized that they were going to come back.  

The audio format contributes to this too; you can’t just see that the table from episode three matches the pattern on the box in episode eight. You have to pick up on clues that were mentioned and pay attention to what people are describing, and it’s highly rewarding when the pieces all start to fit together. 

There is a bit of a downside to this though. Technically The Magnus Archives is a horror story first and a mystery second, and these two elements can mesh in weird ways. 

The horror is element is really strong. Each story is completely different, sometimes focusing on psychological horror, body horror, or supernatural versions of more primal fears like heights, darkness, enclosed spaces, etc. Basically, if you’re afraid of anything, there will be at least one episode of The Magnus Archives that gets under your skin. 

Jonny Sims can really sell his stories through both his writing and acting. He plays Jon, by the way, and plagiarized his own birth certificate for the character name. (For future reference, Jonny is the actor, Jon is the character). Overall, he’s really good at writing prose, and each narrator has a very distinct voice even though the large majority of the stories are being read by one character/actor.  

Obviously not every episode is a bull’s eye. Sometimes it’s due to the subjectivity when it comes to what you as an audience member are scared of, and occasionally it’s just weird writing decisions. I’m thinking specifically of episode 21 where the line “the sky ate him” is said, and it is the worst line in the entire show. The whole goddamn show. That’s it. That’s the number one worst line. 

But still, overall, the horror storytelling is incredibly solid, and some episodes even gave me brand new fears, like the unholy isolation of being in space, or the concept that someone you love could be replaced by someone completely different without you noticing.  

But here’s the thing; 

A lot of good horror is based on the absence of explanation. Most of the episodes that gave me the most visceral reactions of genuine terror come from the first two seasons, because that’s when the audience has the least amount of information. 

For example, in episode two, a really terrifying coffin is introduced. It’s creepy, it reacts very strangely to water for some reason, and appears to compel people to try opening it. By the end of the episode, the audience never finds out what’s in that coffin and that is a good thing. That is a huge part of what made that episode so unnerving.  

And then a few seasons later, we do find out what’s in the coffin, and to be fair the answer is both very creative and very scary, but it also takes a lot of the punch out of episode two. 

 No matter how f*cked up your thing is, it’s not going to compare to whatever the audience can conjure up in their own mind after such a creepy set up. This problem isn’t just stuck in this one scenario either; there are a lot of early episodes that, while still good, seem a lot less creepy in hindsight after you learn more about the scenario. 

I don’t think it’s bad writing, but I do think it’s a double-edged sword. Jonny Sims even mentions this sort of issue in the first Q+A. 

But yeah, to sum up; the narration is good, the ideas are creative, and seeing the mystery unfurl itself is deeply compelling. And for the record, the mystery elements aren’t of the Sherlock Holmes variety. It’s less about finding out who did the thing, and more about discovering how all of these individual points are intricately connected, pulling on each other as they move. Woven together like a... oh shit what’s the word? Gah, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Ah, whatever, I’m sure it’s not like a running motif or anything.  

Part 2: Stakes 

One of the main reasons I stopped watching Supernatural is that it devolves into complete f*cking nonsense. At the end of season five, the boys literally defeat the devil, and then the show...keeps going? Which would be fine. It’s also, largely, an episodic show, so if they have more creative ideas, they could definitely keep going with it. In fact, there are some post season five episodes that I thought were pretty good. But as they kept trying to outdo themselves with Bigger Bads, it got kind of difficult to suspend my disbelief. And the final nail in the coffin for me was the end of season nine, when Crowly basically points out to the audience that the main characters keep dying and coming back to life, so there are no stakes. The most-badest bad guy can always be defeated because some new Thing can just come out of left-field, and dying isn’t even on the table as a threat since people have tons of ways of coming back to life. 

The Magnus Archives, while being a show based in the supernatural, notably doesn’t bring anyone back to life, even though some very beloved characters die. I say “notably,” because in the season three Q+A, Jonny even says, “We make a point not to bring people back from the dead in Magnus, I know it sometimes feels like that, but we are very careful to never actually resurrect anyone.” 

Upon listening to this I said “oh my god, these guys are the only writers left who at least kind of know what they’re doing.”  

Also, as far as plot progression goes, The Magnus Archives is lowkey structurally perfect in the way the threats escalate in the underlying plot; both in terms of destruction and power and in terms of emotional consequences. Season one starts off with one major threat that’s dealt with by the end of the season, season two reveals the main villain, season three lays out the grander forces at play, season four ends the world, and season five is about un-ending the world. The difference between season one and season five is vast, but how we got there makes perfect sense. 

As for the emotional stakes, let’s talk about themes and characters. 

Part 3: Themes and Characters 

At the very end of season two, it’s revealed that the supernatural happenings in the Magnus universe are the result of entities far beyond our understanding. Since their existence is so fundamentally different from what we can comprehend, they interact with the world through cursed items, creatures, and humans who have dedicated themselves to an entity.  

A lot of people read this as a metaphor for late-stage capitalism, and I am one of those people. A bunch of faceless entities exploiting humans through means of dehumanization and causing people to suffer because it feeds them seems like an appropriate metaphor. 

While we’re on this topic, I do want to talk about Elias, since he’s the main villain of the entire series and also one of my favorite villains of all time. The Magnus Archives is a series that deals with a lot of moral questions and has a lot of characters who do morally questionable things, so one might assume that the villain of said series is, you know, morally ambiguous and sympathetic to some extent despite being “the bad guy.” 

Nope! No stops, full bastard. It’s great. 

He falls under what I’ve deemed the “unbeatable boss” archetype. He just doesn’t tolerate insubordination or resistance, and that combined with his lack of empathy means that anyone who crosses him is either killed or brought to heel. His power set is cool too. On the surface the ability to see out of any eye and read minds sounds useful, but not deal breaking, but the way he uses that power to manipulate people and anticipate threats...yeah, it makes him kind of impossible to beat.  

He’s just...so evil and he loves being evil and every single f*cking thing he does pisses me off and makes me want to kill him. It’s. Great. 

Anyways, I think Elias’s role as the central antagonist is what makes the capitalist reading so common. He’s the head of the institute, he’s wealthy, he’s powerful, and he dehumanizes people in ways that are both brutal and chillingly indifferent. He seems like an appropriate stand in through that lens. 

I also love how voice actor Ben Meredith plays him like’s he’s trying to seduce the audience.  

With all of that said, I wouldn’t call this the critique of capitalism a direct allegory or anything; in much looser terms, this could be a metaphor for any power structure that exploits humans. Organized religion or cults might be even more on the nose, considering there’s a lot of mentions of rituals and worship within the show. 

But if we boil it down to its barest aspects and focus on the avatar characters, The Magnus Archives is a series about people becoming monsters. Or, at the very least, becoming worse versions of themselves. That can mean a lot of things to different people in a metaphorical sense; the tense relationship between desperation and morality, the eagerness to please at the cost of one’s own mental health, the psychological traumas that lead people down dark paths, and how personal choices can still be dictated and manipulated by outside influences. It’s kind of heavy stuff, but put into a digestible package through the show’s abstractions. 

Well, for the most part.  

There’s some debate as to whether or not Daisy’s arc was handled tastefully. While her demise and Basira’s character arc were clearly meant to condemn police brutality and the deeply corrupt system that allows it to foster, it’s still a weird subject to discuss in such a fantastical context, and there is a strange sympathy for the devil angle that can get kind of uncomfortable for some listeners.  

Okay, stepping back from that for a bit, let’s talk about Jon and how he fits into this whole “people becoming corrupted” thing. 

Jon has one of my favourite brands of character arc, which is one based in deterioration alongside growth. The most obvious way this takes form is his departure from humanity as his relationship with the Eye drives him to psychologically harm others, and he finds himself sympathizing more and more with the people he was afraid of, stating in episode 152 that anyone listening to his recordings might compare him to the other avatars that have had their minds and morals twisted. 

Over the course of the series, he is repeatedly traumatized and the show makes a point that he is being both physically and emotionally scarred. These happenings are what drive his motivation for revenge in season five, and he even states that revenge is making him a worse person. As a character he’s constantly berating himself and his own monstrousness, much to Martin’s dismay.  

That’s why the finale destroys me in the best way. Upon seeing that Jon has betrayed him and basically given himself over to the Eye, Martin asks “how much of you is even left?” And when Jon tries to reassure him that he’s still himself, Martin’s response is “how would you even know?” This cuts through me every time. Up until this point, Martin had consistently stood up for Jon and Jon’s humanity, even in the face of Tim’s doubt, Basira’s mistrust, Elias being cryptic, and Jon’s own self-hatred. This is the ultimate breaking point, the point where even Martin, the love of Jon’s life, doesn’t really recognize him. It’s brutal. Because at the end of the day, Jon is still himself; he’s a deeply broken person trying to make the right decisions.  

We’ll come back to the finale later, but for now I want to talk about the romance. 

Jon’s emotional growth throughout the series is largely tied into Martin. Martin’s the first person that Jon really opens up to, and this later grows into trust which then turns into a genuine emotional connection.  On the flip side, Martin’s growth in season four is largely tied into Jon. Martin starts season four basically waiting to die, but Jon’s return gives him a reason to keep living, and he’s later able to recognize his own value outside of the pure utility of ‘you need to set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.’ Both of them give each other reason to push onward despite everything becoming more and more hopeless.  

It’s a good romance. I wish the two had had a few more scenes together before the culmination, but it is built up over the course of four seasons and comes together in an utterly fantastic confession.  

And yeah, the scene with Martin and Jon in the Lonely is cheesy as hell, but it is the highest quality of cheese. These are some gourmet nachos.  

Umm, also kind of stating the obvious here, but it’s also pretty cool that the main character in this horror story falls in love with another man. You don’t see that a lot, and it’s cool that no one even makes a big deal out of it. It’s just a normal romance, but with two guys. It’s nice. 

So, they go to Scottland, they hang out, they’re in love, Jonalias starts the apocalypse through Jon, the world ends, and season five starts! 

...Let’s talk about season five! 

Part 4: Season 5 

At the very start of this post, I said that supernatural mysteries tend to get worse as they go along, and I am deeply sad to report that I don’t think that The Magnus Archives is an exception. It just goes downhill in a very different way than its ilk. 

And, so we’re clear, I don’t think season five totally tanks or becomes unlistenable, it’s just, in my opinion, notably worse than the rest of the show. 

As discussed earlier, it doesn’t fall apart due to a lack of planning; everything still makes sense, but the presentation has changed drastically. The episodic statements are no longer scary stories, but more like slam poems about the various hellscapes that Jon and Martin are trekking through. Honestly if these were published in a book of slam poetry, I would probably think they slapped pretty hard. I genuinely believe that Jonny Sims is a good writer, but as a podcast a lot of these statements just made me zone out. There’s at least four that I don’t even slightly remember. Myself and many others have noted that they just...aren’t scary, unless there’s a specific episode that really gets under your skin due to a certain fear or phobia. 

To quote my friend, “it’s harder to feel a solid impact when the setting is literally divorced from reality. People would either go numb or insane to the point where their fears become unrelatable.” 

And, to be honest, I think that this same surreal odyssey set up could have worked with a slight shift in narration. Two stand out episodes for me were “Strung Out” and “Wonderland.” Both of them show the tormented target actively trying to resist and interact with their tormenter, instead of just trying to escape or live through their situation. “Strung Out” is also more of character study; you learn about Francis’s life before the apocalypse through their interaction with the Web hellscape. Meanwhile “Wonderland” is just...f*cked, and you get to see Jon take the perspective of first-person Bad Guy throughout the whole thing, which is its own level of disturbing. 

But the majority of episodes feel so abstract that I kind of forget the people trapped in them are supposed to be characters and not just concepts, so it’s harder to feel their dread and pain. 

But I’m still here for the metaplot, the drama, and the romance. And when that’s good, it’s great! I think the final handful of episodes are really solid in that regard. 

Buuuuuuut... 

A decent chunk of season five is dedicated to the “kill bill” plot. Jon discovers he has the power to smite people, and while at first, he’s embarrassed about this, since he actively enjoyed killing Not!Sasha, Martin is super into it! He’s encouraging Jon to murder people.  

This is actually the set up for a really good arc. As Jon gets more and more into his own avenging angel persona, Martin could get more and more disturbed by it so by the time they get to London, Martin could be really upset that Jon is so willing to wreak his own divine justice by killing or torturing all of the avatars. 

And this does kind of happen. We do reach this end state, and it makes for a good final conflict, but the way we got here was borderline nonsense. Thematic gibberish, if you will. 

Throughout the journey, Martin is clearly motived by a sense of justice; these people are bad, and so they should die. Whereas Jon is clearly more motivated by revenge; he only goes after the avatars that hurt him personally. At one point, Jon admits that maybe all of this killing isn’t making anything better, but just making him worse. Martin apologizes for egging him on, Jon absolves him by saying he started it, and then Martin’s like “I’ll keep my apology then.” This is the second worst line in the entire series, right after “the sky ate him.” And it’s close. 

But it kind of feels like we’re back at square one. Jon is back to being ashamed of killing and Martin is still keen on his justice stance, but now just less pushy about it. The arc is basically half resolved at this point. 

But then it doesn’t matter, because Jon kills Helen anyway. So, Jon’s back on his revenge/justice thing. Then what was the point of his earlier revelation? Why have that if it’s not going to matter and the conflict that was escalating still culminates with Jon leaning into the avenging angel stuff, and Martin being disturbed by it? It just makes both of them look like huge hypocrites! I f*cking hate it when they’re in the tunnels and Martin says “you weren’t meant to enjoy it this much,” regarding Jon’s smiting. Where did this come from?! Why didn’t you say this earlier? Third worst line in the series. 

And yeah, I’ll say it; the boys fight too much in this season. I loved their romance up to season five, and their cute moments and more lowkey serious discussions are still good in this season, but God, they fight so much. And I’m not saying couples can’t have fights or tension, that’s just realistic and also stories need conflict to be interesting. Jonny Sims is on the record saying that balancing a healthy romance with the stress of a literal apocalypse was a priority, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s well balanced.  I’m just saying that sometimes it feels like they don’t even like each other and it really started to grate on me. 

Maybe it would have been better if the beginning of this season was dedicated to charming romance at first, so we as an audience could better appreciate how strong their love is and how it’s truly being tested. But obviously that was never on the table— 

ALEX NO. 

So, yeah, I have a lot of problems with season. I think it’s the worst one by far, even though there is a lot of it I still enjoy, including the ending. 

As I mentioned before, the moment where Martin confronts Jon in the panopticon absolutely kills me, and Jon’s reaction kills me even harder. Throughout the season, Jon had largely been motivated by revenge, martyrdom, and the subconscious call of the Eye, and all three of those factors led him to his position as the pupil. He’s getting revenge against the powers, sacrificing his humanity to get rid of the Fears, and taking his place as wearer of the watcher’s crown. But all of this gets thrown out the window when he realizes that Martin is going to die. And not only is Martin going to die, Martin is going to die specifically because he loves Jon and refuses to leave Jon alone to die horribly. Martin had always been an underlying motivation for Jon, his “reason” as stated in episode 167, but now love as a motivator has come to the forefront, and Jon can no longer go through with his plan because of it. But at this point in the series, they’re both utterly doomed, and Jon concludes that the only possible chance they have of surviving, however unlikely, would be to sever the pupil of the eye, technically killing Jon, but maybe, just maybe, allowing them to escape with the Fears. Whether that’s meant to be literal or more ethereal is left unclear. Hell, maybe Jon’s just making it up completely and creating his own potential happy ending. It’s a pretty potent ending in emotional terms; Jon has to release the Fears and Martin has to kill Jon, and those are the two things they were dead set on not doing.  

The Web, arguably the real main antagonist, basically won, and their manipulation of Jon worked. The destruction spread, and there is kind of a bleak underlying tone to that. 

But at least this ending has some semblance of hope to it. I’m not saying that releasing the Fears was objectively the correct moral decision; the entire point of the dilemma is that there was no objectively correct moral decision. But, while Jon’s solution does have merit, it was also the most hopeless. I think dramatically, any one of the choices on the table could have worked if the writing was well executed, but thematically this one seemed like the perfect combination of grim and optimistic. Like, all of the evils that plague humanity can’t just be defeated forever and things could get worse, but maybe not. Maybe everything works out... 

So yeah, The Magnus Archives...is a podcast. And it’s a really good podcast. Great, even. I can complain about season five all I want, but regardless of how that worked out, you can tell throughout the entire show that the people working on it were trying to tell a genuinely excellent story. 

It’s good. Go listen to it. Even though I spoiled the entire thing and if you’re still here, you’ve probably already listened to it. Listen to it again. 

[taiblogcomics]

Time and Time Again

Hey there, finale feels. All right, Villains Month is over (though maybe we'll look at the event it was leading up to, Forever Evil, someday). Time to get back into the series proper. In fact, I think I've reviewed this issue before! But I'm not going to look at the old review, it'd make more sense to review with the context of the rest of the series. Besides, the last thing we need is fewer things to review, that's why I'm considering Forever Evil~

Anyways, here's the cover:

As a comics nerd, this cover reminds me of that one from Infinite Crisis, where Superboy-Prime punches the barriers between reality. Maybe they're deliberately trying to invoke this. So, both Cassie and Superboy and then also Kid Flash are fighting some jerks. Bunker is also there, kinda just staring at something. Bunker doesn't get an arch-enemy, I guess. And Raven watches all this in the background, looking evil as shit. She's lit up bright red, to remind you she's evil as shit~

So we open in... I'm gonna assume Mexico, because we're showing pre-superhero Bunker. He's speaking Spanish, there's that rounded architecture style, everything's sepia-toned, there's a lizard. It's Mexico. This is the only shorthand we know. Anyways, Bunker's praying to God, apologising for whatever he's done that made God angry enough to put his boyfriend in a coma. He thought he was using his powers the way God wanted, so if there's anything he can do to make up for that, just give him a sign. And in a rarely prompt response, suddenly a bright light appears behind Bunker.

We jump over to that ultimate of evils, ancient Egypt. The comic informs us of this with the incredibly trite caption of "Somewhen else". Like, fuck off with that. Anyways, this stereotypically-dressed lady is addressing a literal army. Like, there's ancient Egyptian tanks and everything. So this must be Yu-Gi-Oh!. She refers to the lot of them as Sunturians. Not Saturnians or Sontarans. She's expositing about how they're going to attack Earth and conquer it. And a guy nearby in a hooded robe puts in a call to somebody, figuring that if "they" don't show up, Sunturian Lady might actually succeed.

The hooded guy is soon revealed to be Red Robin. I think we were going with calling him Tim Drake in these reviews, because there's been almost half a dozen Robins and we don't wanna confuse anybody. Superboy and Wonder Girl (who we were calling Cassie just because she doesn't like being "Wonder Girl" in this series) show up in response to Tim's call. They exposit about the plot of Forever Evil for a minute, to remind you that this series is on sale now, go buy it, and then Tim tells them they have 13 minutes to defeat the Sunturians before they're "yanked back into the time stream". Anybody else completely lost~?

Tim himself vanishes just after this, and the other two start beating up the army. Best I can tell, this is ancient Egypt, and the reason this army never conquered the world is because Superboy and Cassie stopped them back then. Only the "then" that the current point is, is now. Classic predestination paradox time loop stuff. Cassie is right to complain about it, though all she does the whole series is complain about being a superhero, and it's a bit tiresome. Superboy points out that she was an adrenaline junkie even before she joined the Teen Titans. Anyway, he's down for it because the only thing he was doing before the Titans was hanging out in a cloning tube.

And then they're pulled back into the timestream, and this two-page spread is admittedly a pretty cool shot. Hundreds of little panels depicting events, all arranged in a spiraling tube suspended in space. It's a cool shot, spoiled a bit by some omnicient narration. I don't mind character narration. But when the caption boxes aren't even from a character's perspective, it's a little weird. And then suddenly we're out in space, with an alien spaceship, which is where Kid Flash and Solstice get dumped. I don't know why we're time/space jumping, but I guess that's the plot now.

Solstice is deeply uncomfortable, since the stark and sterile spaceship reminds her of the Colony, and everyone hates being reminded about Harvest (especially the readers). Kid Flash has other concerns, though. He doesn't voice any of this out loud, but he recognises this ship. This is connected to his past. He's started to recover some of his memories, and so far he doesn't like what he remembers. So he dashes off to find out how this ship is connected to him, to prevent Solstice from finding out about his past before he does. This is a healthy relationship.

And the person he finds on the bridge is... himself. Except blond, and wearing a doofy white space coat. Kid Flash begs White Coat Guy not to blow up the ship, and he claims that he must do so, because the ship is carrying government reinforcements. See, White Coat Guy is a violent sort of freedom fighter. The future government is oppressive, so he's one of those revolutionaries that's probably supposed to appeal to the audience, but he instead just comes across as an asshole. Before Kid Flash can convince this alternate self not to do this thing, he and Solstice are pulled back into the timestream. That sure accomplished a lot~

So then we jump over to medieval times, where Demon Knights is no doubt taking place post-cancellation. Raven is already in the middle of fighting Etrigan. He gloats that, if he can't kill Trigon, killing one of his spawn will still be satisfying. Sorry, Trigon, it's Bizarro that eventually kills Trigon. And Raven replies that he can't kill her when she hasn't been born yet. Alas, dear Raven, I don't think that's how paradoxes work. In fact, we know it's not because of Tim's comment earlier. Anyway, Cassie shows up and breaks Etrigan's neck. What an anti-climax~

So the reason Cassie showed up is because Tim has figured out that Raven is the key to this. Everyone keeps getting shuffled around in time. But since Raven was born in a sort of "limbo" dimension, she's the only one capable of manipulating the timestream. And thus, if she tethers onto each of their souls with her own soul-self, she can "anchor" them. And so the comic ends with Raven declaring that now she has the Titans. They're hers. She possesses ownership of their souls due to this. What she tried to get with manipulation, they gave her freely. Funny how that works, eh? And won't her father be proud...

This issue is terrible mostly in that it is so confusing. Like, I know it’s been a while since we reviewed a Teen Titans comic, but this isn’t where the last one left off. Imagine if you only followed this series month to month, and how confusing it’d be if you had no idea about Forever Evil. You’d be just as confused as we are now. Like, there’s only two things that really happen in this story: we get some understanding of Kid Flash’s backstory, and we set up some evil Raven traitor shit. That’s it~

Next week, it promises we find out how they get out of this mess in the Annual. Oh, that’s nice of them. Because they sure didn’t bother showing us how they got into it~

[candlelight27]

Chapter 5: This Moment Lost in Time

Summary: Sylvain has been ignoring you since you met him. You had been in love with him since you met him. College is about to offer you a fresh start. New academic year, new life. You were ready to forget him. But fate seems to have other plans… (COLLEGE AU)

Series: Seeking Your Warmth If Only For A Day

Warnings: BLOOD, game spoilers and felony (don’t steal, kids)

Pairings: Sylvain Jose Gautier x Female Reader

Word Count: 5143

AO3: This Moment Lost in Time

A/N:  Thanks to @galamixx and their help!!! If you like this chapter, please consider commenting. My inbox is always open too, for suggestiong or just to chat! :)

You put a hesitant foot in Sylvain’s room, walking right behind him as he guided you. It was an ample space and it had a window that let the sunshine inside in the morning. The decoration was quite simple. The bed, placed under the window, was covered in white linen, and the walls were bare, without any pictures or posters. Its appearance broke your every expectation of what you had thought his room would be like.

You were surprised you couldn’t find anything that screamed ‘Sylvain lives here’, or any hint at all of his renowned affairs. You chastised yourself for thinking he’d have a box filled with panties he had stolen, or obscene magazines thrown around. He was now a close friend – perhaps something more, but your brain was trying to avoid that subject at the moment – so you’d have to stop assuming things about him. Especially regarding the high number of misconceptions you’ve had about him. Yet the truth was that you would have never suspected that he lived in such an austere manner. You began to understand how he got along with Dimitri so well.

Despite the absence of luxuries, there was something that caught your eye: the quantity of books he owned. His desk and shelves were crammed, and there were even a few piles over the floor. You identified in a glance some history titles, as well as fiction and philosophical essays. It was quite the collection for someone most people considered an airhead – a thought that made you slightly angry at those people.

“Sit wherever you want,” Sylvain commented. You sat on the bed, while he moved to take a seat on the chair in front of his desk. He carefully placed on the floor a board of chess, trying not to move any pieces. It was incomplete, with only a handful of blacks and whites. You wondered if Sylvain was trying to solve one of those problems that he used to do with Claude back in high school. Afterwards, Sylvain placed his hands behind his head and leant back. You looked around nervous, absentmindedly caressing the bed dressing with your fingertips, avoiding by all means ogling him.

“You have a nice room,” you said. This was awkward, and you didn’t know what to say. You felt once again you were invading his privacy by simply being there. And you were on his bed, where he slept. It felt very personal, and you were not sure if it was your place to be there.

“Not what you expected for someone like me, right?”, he hummed. You feared that he actually was able to read your mind after that line.

“How is Glenn?”, you changed the subject, hoping Sylvain wouldn’t notice.

“Oh, he’s fine! He’s conscious and recovering. Apparently, when he was going to work, a dog crossed the road and he crashed the car avoiding it.” Sylvain drew out a breath. “Honestly, I’m so relieved he’s alive.”

“That gives us time to proceed with our plan. But then again, Flayn is onto whatever is happening. It’s not just paranoia, there must be a clue somewhere,” you reflected.

You had a few days to come to terms with Sylvain’s crazy theories after that encounter with Flayn at the hospital. As if fate had been mocking you, you had even more visions of your classmates in times of war, which only reinforced Sylvain’s words. You started writing down the smallest details you could recall, hoping they’d be of help to clarify something. Anything. And you realised some names kept appearing time after time.

“I wanted to show you a few things,” Sylvain said. He turned around to look at the books opened on his desk. He moved a couple of volumes and used papers around until he chose one. The sound of papers being flipped frantically came from behind you. “Here it is!”

He stood up and gave it to you, waiting a minute for you to inspect it thoroughly.

“So?” He insisted. Sylvain was eager to know your opinion. “What do you think?”

“It’s…” you opened your mouth.

“Awfully familiar?”, he offered.

“Yes”, you nodded.

It was an ancient copy of Seiros’ precepts. There you could see a coloured engraving that displayed Saint Seiros, who had an eerie resemblance to Rhea, officially in charge of Garreg Mach High School and the cathedral annexed to it. Her light green hair, her bright and big eyes, her figure. Everything was exactly the same. She had a serene countenance, and she was surrounded by dragons. Once, you were taught that they represented the strength of Seiros and the four saints, but they had so many details, they looked real.

“And that’s not the only thing!” Sylvain added before you could finish examining it. He passed you another book. “This one is Linhardt’s, but he lent it to me indefinitely. He knows a lot about Saint Cethleann, he’s investigating her figure and plans to do a PhD.”

“What am I looking for?”, you asked, tracing the index with your finger.

“Look at the pictures first. There are a couple of engravings and drawings. Just look at any.”

You did as he told you. A chill ran down your spine. 

“This is Flayn,” you babbled, totally astonished. “But, like, it’s clearly Flayn.”

“Yes!” Sylvain was thrilled.

“They have the same face,” you repeated. You looked at the bottom of the page, where a footnote was written, and read it out loud. “‘Saint Cethleann was said to possess a kind heart and devoted her life to helping others in need. That’s why she developed an interest in medicine, and she is the patron saint of those who practice the art of healing. She healed countless wounded in her life, sparking the faith in those who met her.’ Is this real?” He nodded, an amused expression decorating his face. He seemed entertained by your reaction. “It looks like a set up.”

“It’s weird that all the pieces fit together as we go, right?”, Sylvain agreed.  

“If everything is so evident, why hasn’t anyone found out anything yet?”, you exclaimed exasperated.

“We’ve gone over that before,” he sat next to you on the bed. He crossed one of his legs and was careful not to touch you with any part of his body. After all, you were not the only one self-conscious about this meeting. He had been feeling vulnerable ever since he went all in with you – it was easy to recognise.

You wanted to tell him that it was okay to have physical contact and get close to you. And that you had similar feelings for him. But neither of you had said anything after his speech, and your conversations hadn’t got that way any other time. And now it seemed that you had lost your opportunity to give him an answer; it seemed forgotten and entombed.

“Yeah, yeah. Everyone has bigger problems. Except us, apparently”, you said ironically.

“I have plenty of problems”, he said with fake seriousness.

“Oh?”, you mocked him. “I’ve never noticed.”

“One of them is no one takes me seriously”, he smirked. You felt a pang of guilt on your stomach and averted your gaze towards the book. It was shameful to admit, but you had done it several times in the past. You didn’t know he resented it.

“I wanted to try something,” Sylvain said out loud, demanding your attention. He looked flushed, but you dismissed the thought.

That’s when you remembered his cryptic messages earlier.

Sylvain (13:25): I might have come up with a thing that can be useful 😊.

Sylvain (13:25): Come home whenever you want, I’ll be here.

He hadn’t texted you as regularly as he did during the previous days, thus when his icon popped up on the screen of your phone, your heart fluttered in your chest. Should you go right away? Should you wait? There were things unsaid between you, but you had been dying to spend time with your favourite redhead. You convinced yourself that curiosity was playing a big part in your decision, and not your own emotions, so immediately answered affirmatively to his proposition.

“Yes, you mentioned that before.” You looked at him in the eye. He was blushing, you had no doubts now. And it seemed that he was out of character, because who would have thought Sylvain would be ashamed at all flirting? “What’s wrong?”

“You might not like my methods,” he shrugged.

“Sylvain!” you sighed, annoyed. “We’re way past your mysterious phase! Just tell me!”

“No need to get mad, darling,” he laughed. Then, Sylvain coughed and recomposed himself. “I thought that maybe we could trigger memories so we can investigate them. Find a common pattern.”

“Okay.”

“What was the last thing you dreamt?” He inquired carefully. Sylvain knew that some dreams were… Unfavorable.

“That horrible nightmare where I bury an axe in your chest”, you said. It made you want to cry, just the mere mention of it. Such a brutal act, why would it have happened?

“Ah, yes. That one”, he made a disgusted gesture. “You could’ve picked a nicer one.”

“How are we going to trigger the memories?”, you questioned him.

“By touching,” Sylvain answered. You raised your eyebrows. “W-Wait, not in that way!”, he stuttered while waving his arms around, as if to clear the atmosphere. Hewas trying his best to correct his accidental innuendo. “We can hold our hands, or just bump our shoulders together? We don’t have to, of course, but–”

“Sylvain, relax. I don’t mind”, you took his hand in yours to downplay the issue. That warmth that had become familiar spread throughout your skin. “Besides, it’s a good idea. It’s worked before.”

“But it’s not working now,” Sylvain complained.

“What did you think that was going to happen? Fireworks and a narrated episode of the battle of Garreg Mach?” You mocked, while he simply smirked.

The situation made your heart fly. The light outside was fading, dying the room of orange and gold. Everything surrounding you belonged to Sylvain, and you were on his bed, holding his hand in yours. It was special. A great fluttery feeling was forming in your stomach, one that made you light in the head and giggly. You shifted your body around awkwardly, without changing your position, and his grip tightened.

You noticed the muscles in his arm flexing, and his palm becoming sweaty.

“It’s not working…”, Sylvain lamented again.

“Close your eyes. Let’s focus on that memory together,” you instructed, half hoping it would work, half hoping it would prevent him from releasing your hand.

You let your eyes close. Every sensation became sharper. His touch, his presence, his smell. Everything had a distinct scent, the detergent of his clothes, his cologne, his books. - ‘Put yourself together!’ you scolded yourself and tried to envision your memory instead of focusing on Sylvain.

The large field of Gronder; the confusion of bodies, some dead, some alive; the  fresh blood; Sylvain’s horrid expression.

And, as if it was magic, it worked. You could vividly see it. The world surrounding you disappeared, and you were immersed in that moment lost in time.

The heat was suffocating, and so was the odour of burnt bodies and death. The podium where the archers had been trying to knock down the wyverns and pegasi had suddenly burned when the infantry had reached it. Many had died from all three parties: Dimitri’s, Edelgard’s and Claude’s. The flames were consuming everything on your left. Your arms stung out of tiredness, for you couldn’t even remember how long you had been there, fighting enemies.

Suddenly, you saw Sylvain. His horse was nowhere to be seen, and it saddened you. It was probably dead, too. A bad omen. You thought of the times he had insisted you rode with him, and the few times you accepted. Or when he stayed overtime to take care of the mount. You shook your head: he was now your enemy, and you had to kill him. Tears filled your eyes, and you voiced all the curses you could think of. How had everything turned into this? Where did it go wrong?

Sylvain was not aware that you were there. You traced his direction with your eyes. Was he escaping the fire? You hoped he was fleeing, but you knew him like the back of your hand. He had sworn loyalty to Dimitri and he wouldn’t leave him behind. Never. You looked far beyond.

When the realisation hit you, you started running.

He was heading towards Claude, who wasn’t riding his wyvern. Instead, he was supporting the infantry on the right flank with a sword and his bow. It was being effective in providing a much needed morale boost, but it wasn’t his brightest move. Damn him for not knowing how to keep himself safe.

Your gaze fell upon Byleth, who in this world had long hair, cuter clothes and was Jeralt’s daughter instead of his son. She had advanced more, leading the knights fighting the Adrestian forces, so she wasn’t going to save Claude, as she always did. Not this time, when she was risking her neck. You panicked, thinking about what disaster would happen if the heir to the Alliance, the only nation fighting actively against the Adrestian invasion, fell in battle.

You were almost there, axe in hand.

“Claude!”, you shouted. The Golden Deer leader realised Sylvain was about to stab him in the back, but dodged the hit just in time. Claude rolled on his side, while Sylvain’s lance got stuck in the ground.

You took advantage of this chance, arriving just a few seconds later, and with a swing of your weapon you broke the handle of his weapon in two. Moving with the momentum, your propelled the edge of the axe to Sylvain’s body. You contained your breath, wishing he would move away, that he’d escape. That you’d see him alive in the next battle, even if it meant going through another hell. Maybe you’d both survive, overcome your differences. But he didn’t move away. He stayed in place.

A lost arrow pierced your thigh. Even if you didn’t feel it at all thanks to the adrenaline pumping through your blood, it made you face reality.

Sylvain, disarmed, was on the other side of your weapon. You let go of the handle. It had cracked his armour, and his hot blood was flowing down. Sylvain fell to his knees, his face completely white.

“I’m sorry, Sylvain...” you said, as you fell backwards, unable to use your right leg due to the deep wound. He smiled but stayed completely still. Life was slowly escaping his body. You threw up on your side.

“Ignatz! Cover me!”, you heard Claude shouting. It seemed distant, while in reality he was too close. He was shouting your name, too, but your gaze was fixed on Sylvain. You couldn’t speak or move. Claude lifted you and placed you in his arms, carrying you somewhere safe. Sylvain was still alive, yet immobile. You couldn’t help thinking about him. Why was no one helping him? Is he going to die alone on the battlefield? Claude’s voice, assuring you that you were going to be alright, started to fade and his face was getting blurry…

 “Are you okay!?” Sylvain was shaking your shoulder. You were laid down on his bed and he was above you.

“Yes”, you answered, eyes open wide. You got up, and you returned to the position you had been in before on Sylvain’s bed. “What happened?”

“You’ve been gone for 5 minutes. As in, eyes opened, not responding to anything. I was about to call an ambulance.” Sylvain inspected you closely, quite worried. You could sense his breath on your skin.

“I’m fine”, you whispered, still a bit disoriented and dizzy.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded.

“Sylvain,” you called his name, his hand still on your shoulder. “What happened after you killed me? Did you see that?” Why did you want to know?

“Ah, yes. Ferdinand killed me afterwards”, he groaned. “He was avenging your death…”

“Typical of him. I’ll make sure to thank him, though. It was very thoughtful,” you joked. “What about Claude? And Dimitri?”

“They were dead too. Fallen in combat,” he said with an unsure voice. “Edelgard was the one reigning after that, or so I’ve thought. It makes sense.”

“I recall professor Byleth there, behind me. He was fighting side by side with Edelgard. They must have won.” You agreed with a gesture. “What about when we married? Was Byleth there?”

“Yes. Next to Dimitri. I think they got married too. That time, the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus got the victory.” He crossed his arms, but his leg was touching yours. “What are you implying?”

“I killed you to protect Claude”, you started. The redhead knitted his brows.

“We already know that,” Sylvain commented, annoyed.

“Why are you so irritated?” You got confused why he was hasty upon mentioning Claude, until a certain thought crossed your mind. 

“No reason, just that the last thing I got to see was you in the arms of Claude.” He sighed. A smile found its way on your lips, an eyebrow raising.

“Are you jealous?” You teased him.

“Then, you got together with Claude after that. He commented something once about it,” Sylvain continued, ignoring your question. “Okay, keep going. What are you trying to say?”

“The war is between the three countries of the continent of Fódlan. And the respective leaders of each are, coincidentally, the leaders of each House at Garreg Mach – former monastery, currently a high school.” He nodded, prompting you to carry on. “When I killed you, Claude was the winner. The other countries fell and the Alliance took over. And Byleth was at his side. The same happened with Edelgard and Dimitri respectively, right? So that might indicate that Byleth is the deciding piece of the board. Depending on what side he-”, you remembered how Byleth had different appearances, “-He, she, or they pick, the events change and makes their side win the war and, ultimately, take control of Fódlan.”

“And how did that occur to you?”, he looked concerned. “It’s plausible. I’m not questioning you, but it’s quite twisted.”

“Because they are the only thing that actually changes in the war. Everything seems the same until Byleth arrives.”

“Well, you changed from Houses all the time,” Sylvain pointed out.

“Every time, to join Byleth’s class. Don’t you see it?” You tried to convince him.

“It seems logical to think that Byleth has something to do with it but we can’t be sure…”

“It’s a hunch, Sylvain,” you explained. “I’m sure we have to talk to Byleth. We will find something. This time, when I saw Byleth fighting, something clicked.”

Sylvain hugged you without a warning. He buried his head on the crook of your neck and enclosed you in his arms. Your hands rested against his chest, you trapped and unable to make a single move. The warmth surrounding you felt so warm, so comforting. Everything was going to be okay, Sylvain was there, and he won’t be gone this time.

“I’m scared that this will lead to a dead-end street. But… at last we’ve found a clue. I’ve been waiting for this forever…” He said with a strained tone. Sylvain’s voice was quiet. He didn’t want to let you go.

“It’s thanks to all your work, Sylvain. Everything you wrote was very useful…” You smiled, leaning into his embrace, almost melting. “You had noticed too Byleth was an important factor–”

“I’m just really happy you’re here with me. That you haven’t chosen Claude or Edelgard over me this time.” He chuckled, trying to shoo away the remainders of sadness. “Not gonna lie here, I’m extremely happy you didn’t choose Claude. That bastard.”

“Hey,” you reprimanded him. “Claude is nice. It’s not his fault we’re in this mess.”

“Well, he took you away from me once”, Sylvain said as he hugged you closer. “Have I told you that you married him?”

“What did you want me to do? You were dead!” You chuckled. It was weird to talk so lightly about it, but Sylvain became more comfortable the less relevant it felt. “This feels nice…”, you muttered, turning your face to kiss the top of his head. His red hair was soft, and it smelt of citrus. “So now we’re on hugging terms?”

“Yes”, Sylvain affirmed. “I might never let you go now that we crossed that line.”

“I wouldn’t mind…”

But a loud gasp resounded behind you. The tender moment that you wished would last forever was suddenly replaced with surprise.

“I’m so sorry Sylvain!” A voice shouted, someone that you identified as Dimitri. He closed the door with a slam.

Sylvain moved away, averting his eyes. His cheeks were blushing, and your own were warm too.

“I’m going to explain to Dimitri that we weren’t doing anything weird, okay?”, he scratched his head, again, and you recognised it as a gesture he made when he felt awkward. Little by little, you had been learning his non-verbal language. “I don’t want him traumatized for all his life.” You giggled.

“Does it make you nervous that Dimitri thinks we’re banging? He only saw us hugging,” You questioned daringly.

“Shut up”, he flashed his handsome smile. Flirting was an art he had mastered, and he felt confident with it. “And say that you’re staying for dinner, instead.”

“Not if you’re cooking instant noodles, Sylvain”, you narrowed your eyes. “That’s not a real dinner. You won’t trick me – I’ve seen all the packages in the cupboards.”

“First, we’re in college, and everything’s valid.” He stood up with a flourish. “Second, Dimitri had gone to the supermarket, so he’s the one cooking. It relaxes him.”

“Okay, he cooks real food. I’m staying then.”

“Perfect.” Sylvain winked, as he ran out of the room. His voice could be heard all over the apartment, and Dimitri was still stuttering. You smiled to yourself and took out your phone and opened the app to write an email.

[From: YOU - To: beisner@gmuniversity.fe]

Dear Professor Eisner,

I hope everything is fine.

Sylvain Jose Gautier and I are having a few questions regarding the bibliography of our project. We’d like to meet you next week to settle the matter and discuss some work.

Thank you very much.

“I’ve never skipped classes legally before”, commented Sylvain casually.

You two were navigating the corridors of the building where teachers had their offices. Everything was dull and generic, except for the occasional cabinets that displayed trophies and nameplates that students and professors had earned long ago.

“That’s why you were in detention all the time”, you reminded him.

“It was intentional. I wanted to strengthen my relationship with Seteth”, he said, laughing. You had to give in and laugh too, not only because he was actually funny, but because his humour was contagious. You couldn’t help but mirror it.

You eyed him from head to toe. Your companion was wearing a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt. He had a dark-grey, almost black blazer with rolled up sleeves on due to the chilliness in the air. His attire rang a bell.

“Why are you dressing like we did in the Monastery?” You wondered out loud to him.

“Because I’m pretty hot in black and white”, Sylvain chuckled in delight with a deep and sexy tone. He was right. You could outline with a glance his body, which was pretty well built. Of course, you did everything you could to deny it, so you put on your best deadpan face. “Okay, okay. I think it might make Byleth nervous.”

“Now that’s a joke,” you remarked. “Byleth barely showed any emotion during a war. Do you think it takes so little to irk him?”

“You might be right,” he conceded.

“Here!” You grabbed Sylvain’s sleeve, bringing him back after he walked past the correct door.

“The nameplate says Dr. Gloucester. Do you need your eyes checked?” Sylvain emphasized.

“Dr. Gloucester retired, and they gave his office to Byleth. He told us the first day! What were you doing?”

“Okay, okay,” he rolled his light brown eyes. “You knock.”

“What are you? Five?” You said while hitting the door with your knuckles.

“Come in,” Byleth’s voice came from the interior of the office.

You opened the door to see your professor encircled by lots of papers. No one can escape bureaucracy.

You stopped in the middle of the room. Right then, you felt an extraordinary sense of existence. As if all the years that had passed before your adventures with Sylvain were but a mere dream and your consciousness had come back to you a few weeks ago. You were sure that Byleth’s presence was having its own influence on you, now that you had regained a good number of your forgotten memories. There was a strange energy in the atmosphere.

Now that you considered it, this was just like that sweet time you spent at Garreg Mach Monastery. Wandering around to avoid boredom with Sylvain and finding much more than just entertainment, following Byleth around to ask all kinds of questions, spending the big seasonal events with your friends… That was what happiness looked like to you.

“You can take a seat,” Byleth said.

“Ah, yes, thank you.” You muttered. Sylvain was next to you in those uncomfortable iron chairs your university loved buying.

“What can I help you with?” He asked, ever so willing to help, yet enigmatic.

“Ah, we have a basic bibliography for the Crescent Moon War, but we’re lacking a few good articles in Loog’s biography”, Sylvain started, replaying the topics you had agreed on. “We don’t know if the authors are reliable.”

“I can take a look at those names”, Byleth smiled. “And I have a few books you could use.”

“That’d be great!”, you cheered with a fake façade. You had to admit, it was quite fun to play spies.

“They’re on that bookcase”, your professor pointed at the one right on your side. You stood up and started looking around.

“I had a question on Klaus I, that king of Faerghus, as well. What was the role he played in…”, Sylvain asked, so serious and well versed in the matter.

You disconnected from the conversation, turning to read the titles on the wall. You took a thick, blue book filled with dust, pretending it caught your interest. Then another black volume, with leather covers and golden letters. You kept investigating, about the Almyran invasion; the formation of the Academy of Garreg Mach, the base of your own high school; history of the Adrestian Empire… Nothing past the year 1000. It was quite suspicious.

You turned around, and Byleth was drawing a diagram for a focused Sylvain, who was all nods and questions. They couldn’t see you anymore, or at least it seemed so. Out of the corner of your eye, on the closest end of the professor’s large mahogany desk, you saw a bunch of letters. Discreetly, you looked up the sender. Curly letters with the address of Rhea were written there, right from the Cathedral.

You made sure Byleth’s vision was blocked by a stack of folders. With decision and a steady hand, you took the most recent one and hid it under your clothes. Desperate situations call for desperate measures, right? Besides, it wasn’t exactly stealing, and you had already made an excuse. ‘It got misplaced when I took the books you lent me, professor,’ you heard yourself say in your head. 

“Is there anything else you need?” Byleth said, when his discussion with Sylvain was done. He clearly intended for you to leave, as it was getting late.

“No, we were going away now,” Sylvain confirmed, walking towards the door. You followed him. Yet you grew bold.

“Can I ask just one more thing?” You said to the professor right before exiting.

“Of course.” The man with the dark blue hair.

“I can’t seem to find how the Crescent Moon War influenced the later war of 1180,” you stated.

Byleth remained silent for a moment. His jaw tensed. Your heart pounded. Did you catch him?

“That’s because there wasn’t any war that year,” Byleth responded. His demeanour was calm and serious as ever. Had he been practicing?

“Oh, really?” You tried to sound candid, feigning surprise. “I’m really bad with dates! That must be it!”

“You might have confused a couple of battles with a war. The battle took place around that year, but there wasn’t any declaration of war made” Byleth declared with a tense smile.

“Sorry for the trouble!” You exclaimed at last, urging Sylvain to go out with your elbow.

You closed the door behind you, and walked fast to distance yourself from any of the offices.

“What was that?” Sylvain was shocked.

“Wait until we get out of here,” You begged.

 Once you were on the common grounds of the student buildings, you stopped Sylvain. There was nobody around, as they were still in class. The ginger plopped himself on a bench.

“That was a good shot, but you were right”, he shrugged. “Byleth’s cold blood won’t make it easy. You were right, he’s special, I could feel a kind of connection… But we got nothing out of this…”

“I might have something”, you looked at him intently.

“On the books he gave you?”, he tilted his head. “Because I have revised all the library and –”

You took the opened letter out of your blouse. The silver details shone under the light.

“What the hell!”, Sylvain shouted. You shushed him, making desperate gestures with your arms to keep him from attracting any attention. You were paranoid, even though you were alone. Instead of any logical reaction, he had a fit of laughter.

“What?” You asked, irked.

“I thought you were physically incapable of anything remotely wrong in a moral sense!” He kept laughing, despite your attempts to quiet him down. “Why did you take it? Another hunch?”

“If you don’t get caught, you don’t get punished”, you said in a sarcastic tone.

“I knew it! You’re just as bad as me!” Sylvain was delighted.

“I might be,” You admitted because, well, he was right. Stealing the mail was a serious crime. But you took a small comfort in the pride and surprise Sylvain made you feel. You were no longer your dull, old self, that went on with the flow of events. No, you had a goal – multiple goals, in fact – and you were going to be an active participant in your life.

In that moment you wanted to kiss Sylvain again. But you had other priorities.

 “Are we going to read this or not?” You dared him.

“Don’t ask me twice.”

[autumnblogs]

Day 9: Troll Time

Time to get trolled.

https://homestuck.com/story/1527

This is the first of the events that I’ve noticed enough to talk about in Homestuck that alludes to the Alpha Kids. While Roxy on the other side of the scratch is the one actually responsible for the disappearance of Jaspers and the Pumpkins, at this point in the story, we have some pretty good suspects for exactly who disappeared both of them.

I could see myself guessing that Jade’s penpal is one of the trolls, but it wouldn’t be my first guess. I’m going to pay close attention to all of the events on one side of the scratch that are caused by the other side of the scratch, because my theory is that a Scratched Universe, more than anything else, is really terminated rather than truly being retroactively erased. Too much doesn’t make sense from a causal perspective (not necessarily from a temporally linear one) if a scratched universe is actually erased entirely, or even if it is closed off from the rest of existence - why can information enter and leave a Scratched Universe at all from an outside perspective, for example?

Are Side A Side B teleporters, appearifiers, and so on and so on, loopholes? Maybe it has something to do with the nature of Void, the Furthest Ring, and their seeming exclusion from the rules the rest of Paradox Space is required to follow.

The Doylist answer, which in Homestuck is also allowed to be the Watsonian answer, might be that while a Scratched Universe is *materially* erased, information about it is still permitted to propagate through narrative contrivances such as the author. Fenestrated planes can easily be considered narrative contrivances, but if we use this as our theory, it seems like Appearifiers and Sendificators would also have to be Narrative Contrivances (which I’m going to spell with a capital NC from here on out.) I... actually don’t have a problem with this hypothesis, so it’s what I’m going with. Also, since a friend of mine who’s reading this liveblog asked, I’m going to post a link to the tvtropes article on those two terms at the start of this paragraph for anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

Perhaps, given the proclivity for the Void to preserve lost information in the form of dreams and memories, and given the nature of Space as the medium through which events normally propagate (as well as the fundamental medium of storytelling from which all other storytelling mediums derive their medium-ness), and their proximity on the Aspect Wheel, Narrative Contrivances are objects which have are shared between these two domains - as objects associated with the Void, Narrative Contrivances are permitted to follow their own set of rules which to someone outside of the universe are obvious, but to anyone inside the universe are a complete black box, and as objects associated with Space, Narrative Contrivances function as a means by which to propagate information in such a way as to preserve causality, the logical topology of Paradox Space, and with them, the self-fulfilling nature of Paradox Space. They allow the world-line of objects travelling through the narrative to remain consistent, even when they would violate material geographical conventions.

This description of Narrative Contrivances makes me think a lot of things could be Narrative Contrivances, like First Guardians, for example, who can violate the speed of light.

This is all a lot of silly bullshit, but it’s fun to come up with theories to describe and predict Homestuck (and future Homestuck works, even though I’m not terribly invested in them.)

This has been a long Cold Open. More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/1529

John gets cyberbullied!

Man. Cyberbullying has really gone from being an individual concern to being an apocalyptic issue. Who knew? Maybe in writing the trolls and their cyberbullying as being inextricable from the apocalypse, Andrew Hussie predicted this.

I’m not trying to understate John’s issues by comparing them to stuff like massive social media disinformation campaigns - receiving Death Threats as a thirteen year old is terrifying, and on a general level, the fact that this kind of horrible shit was commonplace in the earliest days of social media should have been a big indicator that what was yet to come was going to be so, so much worse.

I’m also not trying to jocularly exaggerate the threat that almost completely lawless social media has on society. If you haven’t already, check out the excellent documentary The Social Dilemma, and then delete your Facebook account if you haven’t already (and since you’re reading my extremely anti-capitalist anti-patriarchy liveblog on tumblr, you’ve probably already done that. If you have, good for you!) And your twitter for good measure, come on, you know who you are. Mabe your tumblr too while you’re at it.

Cyberbullying is part of a larger theme in Homestuck, another one of those things that it’s Capital A About. As a work that is not only about growing up, but specifically about growing up in the information age, Homestuck is repeatedly about the ways that Social Media don’t just bring us together, but keep us apart from one another. Cyberbullying is one of the effects of Social Media pushing people apart - it’s so, so much easier to threaten to kill someone when you don’t have to look them in the eye while you’re doing it, and when you have the anonymity of a string of alphanumeric characters as a name to hide behind.

https://homestuck.com/story/1537

The Black Queen is a very bad woman. It’s always intrigued me that the Queens allow their counterparts’ agents free movement through their territory like this even on the eve (or the advent?) of full-scale war between their kingdoms. PM is just allowed to wander around Derse unsupervised.

I suppose that if even God and Satan can afford each other a bit of token civility while discussing the fates of sinners, so can Prospitians and Dersites.

https://homestuck.com/story/1542

@zeetheus​ John’s definitely proceeds Rose’s bluh.

Rose sips her Mom’s martini for the same reason that she later falls prey to alcoholism. Trying to grow up without help, Rose interprets the martini as a symbol of parental authority, the same way that she interprets the partaking of beverages in general as being a ritual of intimacy with her Mother. Empty signifiers.

https://homestuck.com/story/1549

Jack Noir’s grating voice is so outrageously distracting that it prevents itself as an intrusive thought in the Narrative for PM.

Actually, come to think of it, *all* of the Carapacians talk pretty much exclusively via narration. I wonder if that’s representative of an altered relationship with their narrative reality, which is the first time ever I’ve had that thought pretty much at all.

I always just chalked it up to one of the quirks of Andrew’s writing style, but especially when we take into account the fact that Homestuck is as metanarrative as it is, and that Carapacians are the only characters in Homestuck Proper who interface with the narrative prompt except for the audience, Andrew, and Caliborn himself, I can’t help but wonder. Maybe as living gaming abstractions, in spite of their limited intelligence and abilities, Carapacians have a unique relationship with the narrative laws of Paradox Space (perhaps in the same way that Narrative Contrivances do?)

https://homestuck.com/story/1569

Riffing a little more on the “Fetch Modus as analogous to thought processes” motif previously introduced, Jade’s excellent visualization abilities and vivid imagination serve her well as a Space Player, but tend to misfire, running wild, and seeing patterns where they don’t exist (intrusive thoughts make her see Johnny 5 in her Eclectic Bass and whatever the fuck mecha she’s about to accidentally imagine, I don’t know, I’m not a weeb.) Jade sure does think about robots a lot.

https://homestuck.com/story/1579

I have to say, I consider Terezi’s manipulative abilities to be genuinely pretty strong. I have never known a better way to strongarm me than by pointing out traits that I don’t know whether I feel good or bad about - it just terminates my thought processes.

Although in John’s case, it helps that he is, in fact, a weenie, a stooge, and most importantly, a nice guy. All these facts make him extra manipulatable.

https://homestuck.com/story/1584

<3

I have no reason to believe everyone in Homestuck’s universe isn’t stupidly badass, but I choose to believe that no one is as stupidly badass as the leads because it makes me happy to imagine that these kids are just ridiculously OP superhumans.

(That said, it’s kind of fucked up the level of violence that these literal children are involved in, maybe I shouldn’t get so excited about it. Should we be enthusiastic about the kids’ triumph over their dangerous enemies? Horrified by the travails they are being put through? Probably both motherfuckin’ things.

https://homestuck.com/story/1588

I think about this page a lot.

Rose Lalonde is a very dangerous young lady. She is ruthless, pragmatic, calculating, and cool. She’s even a killer, and literally just killed two imps before fighting this Ogre!

Why is she choosing to show mercy to it now? Is she just trying to get Dave’s goat? Maybe the answer is, deep down, she doesn’t really want to hurt anyone or anything.

https://homestuck.com/story/1589

Kanaya and Dave have a great relationship and I love them as friends very much. I wish dearly that there was more of them in the webcomic. They have approximately the same relationship with authenticity, which is to say that they don’t have an insincere bone in their respective bodies, but practice insincerity nonetheless to impress someone they care about.

For Kanaya relating to Rose, I think it’s a lot more innocent.

https://homestuck.com/story/1590

The least eloquent character in Homestuck has his brief, and I’m pretty sure only encounter with the most eloquent character in Homestuck.

Poor, poor Tavros. While Rose is pretty much always on this level, it seems a lot more innocuous when she’s talking to her friends, or the more mean-spirited and (relatively) competent trolls, the way she treats Tavros almost feels like bullying because of how obviously pathetic he is.

That said, he turns right around, and invokes exactly what’s coming to him. Y’know as much as Tavros is an authentic abuse victim and Vriska gaslights him into thinking a lot of the bad things that happen to him are his fault, there are a lot of times where he does stupid shit that invokes the justifiable wrath of the people around him.

https://homestuck.com/story/1592

While I could pontificate about the fact that Kanaya and Rose are my favorite couple, and squee enthusiastically, instead I will call attention to the fact that, by way of mixing her metaphors, Kanaya has been the victim of an authorial pun - she’s a Fruit Ninja. (Unless Fruit Ninja didn’t exist at the time of writing? It may very well not have.)

https://homestuck.com/story/1596

As the Page of Breath, Tavros sucks at communicating. Here, he sucks at communicating because in spite of his objectively pretty sick rhymes... he is talking to someone who just can’t be arsed.

https://homestuck.com/story/1602

This is one of those absurd moments that at first blush seems meaningless, but I think helps to decipher the kinds of things that John Egbert cares about. It’s one of the moments where he ritualizes an action that one of his heroes takes - John Egbert thinks that Nic Cage is cool, and wants to be like him, so he roleplays Nic Cage for a little while.

https://homestuck.com/story/1603

We’ve barely met the trolls, and they are *already* using the humans as a convenient method to troll each other instead of staying on task.

Karkat also establishes his love of RomComs before his introduction even rolls around.

https://homestuck.com/story/1618

Conceding ground to implacable enemies is generally the correct means to win in Homestuck, usually by getting them to destroy themselves or each other purely by their own unsustainably wicked or stupid conduct. Only a being as powerful as Lord English is sufficient to destroy the Significance-hoarding antagonist that is Vriska, as she threatens to overshadow everyone else in the universe by her own inflated self-importance. Only Vriska, so arbitrarily lucky, could possibly get into position to destroy Lord English. They were made for each other. They deserve each other.

One of my favorite dialogues in the whole comic. Man, I sure love Act 4. There’s something indescribable about the dialogue Andrew writes for this part of the comic. Homestuck at its best whiplashes from silly to scary to heartbreaking to heartwarming, and back to silly again, from beautiful to ugly, and I don’t think that even Act 5, as it piles up layers upon layers, well past the number of parts needed to make a whole, captures the essence of Homestuck as well as does Act 4.

Homestuck is different in every part, of course, and for everyone who says that Act 4 is peak Homestuck you will meet someone who says that Acts 1 through 3 were peak Homestuck, or who says that Act 5 was Peak Homestuck, or that Act 6 was Peak Homestuck. I do not mean to demean any portion of the work by saying that Act 4 is my favorite. The things I like in Homestuck the most are just the most themselves in this portion of the story.

https://homestuck.com/story/1627

I’m feeling less and less intelligent as I read more and more of Homestuck, because honestly, my theories read less like honest-to-god insights, and more like somebody who just wasn’t paying any fucking attention. Here, Jade spells out basically what I’ve been saying.

https://homestuck.com/story/1640

We’ll pause here for the evening. Reading was a little sparse today, but it’s a good place to leave off, especially since for some of these I wrote just stacks of theorizing.

Until tomorrow, Cam signing off, Mostly alive except for a bit of a cough, and not alone.

[breakingbadfics]

A change of pace 3/3: How you Lived/Loved. By SegaSister

So to preface all of this from the get-go, Segasister asked me to read her fanfic series, and in fact is the person who gifted me a copy of Monster Prom when I said I wasn’t sure I would be able to properly enjoy the fanfiction. I’m putting this out their simply for transparency. 

And I will say that I do like How you Lived and How you loved 

One of my favorite things in fanfiction is the speculative, headcanon-y, building from whole cloth because the canon material provides nothing so you gotta make the protagonists kiss somehow nature of it all. 

The act of building and engaging with the setting is the thing that gives me the most joy when I’m reading any fanfiction. This is so much a fact that one of the core reasons why the previous essays exist is because so far the bad fics I’ve chosen to talk about make no real attempt to earnestly engage with the setting in any way that isn’t shallow with it’s execution. 

“How you Lived” By SegaSister is a story dedicated to exploring the past lives of Vicky Schmidt and very lightly the past of Brian Yu and the details of how they died. the first of two stories is 5 chapters long and keeps itself contained strictly to the exploration of these details. 

And as previously stated the story chooses to explore it’s plot and ideas through a fairly strong engagement in the setting. Primary case in point, Vicky Schmidt’s character design is a homage to frankensteins monster, so the very obvious parent of such a high schooler would have to be a mad scientist, who’s family hails back to Frankenstein the scientist because we have to see this homage all the way to it’s completion. 

Also it gives me what can only be of the more amusing lines I’ve gotten to read in a fanfiction in a while. 

it is very silly, but it’s the kind of silly that I’m down with. 

“How you lived” also deals with some serious subject matter that I’ve not really seen present in the game and while I’ll try to avoid spoilers their might be instances in the story in which some might find distressing since the primary anatagonist is a serial killer. 

The premise, is fairly basic; Vicky Schmidt or Blue. (or whatever you named your frankenstein monster reference) is having nightmares, which are ultimately flashbacks to her prior life as a normal human. And the story leaps forward exploring the idea of how Vicky came around to, you know..dying. 

The story is pretty sound from an execution stand point and the flaws the story has is that there are a few instances in the narration that feel a little weird, and then some of the dialogue feels a little stilted and perhaps a little too formal, but that might be a subjective thing on my part and should, as the author puts out more works, get better with time.  

Further, shippers jumping into the story hoping to get lots of VickyxPolly love may walk away feeling a touch disappointed as, at least in the first story, the ship is mostly in the margins and implied to be something that occurs after the fact of the story with the implications that the events of the video game happen the moment the fic ends. 

“How you loved” Also by SegaSister expands further on whats laid down in How you Lived. And now that Vicky knows why she’s had nightmares she’s taking steps to adress them, group therapy, medication and the events the plot covers itself, reconnecting with her past family. 

The sequel takes place after the events of the game, with Vicky and her Boo Bae Polly Geist now in a commited relationship and living on their own in between high school and college 

Again I have small criticisms in the form that there are minor format issues where a change of scene isn’t very well remarked upon(for the sake of clarity, I am creature of habit and am very used to a notable scene changes being marked by some variety of a line break.) And there are a few instances where the story feels like it’s moving at a much faster pace than it needs to be going and doesn’t breath.  chapter 2 ends with Vicky and Polly leaving for human world and then immediately meeting Vicky’s Sister at the start of the third chapter through pure happenstance it feels a little bit like it’s trying to reach the end a little too quicky, though maybe it’s just me?  

Anyway, in the places the story shines the most are in those moments where it just sort of sits down and lets the characters have their time to take everything in, Vicky getting to spend time with her living relatives have a fairly cozy kind of feeling like you’re getting to peek in on another families life. To go further I think would be devling a little too deep into spoiler territory though and it does answer a questions I never thought to ask and I was knocked on my butt at one point during the reading so hopefully it will do the same for you. 

To my recollection there is a third story in the works and I am looking forward to seeing that as the story being told feels really nice. 

There’s also an Ask Blog thats related to the fic thats managed and written by SegaSister Ask Undead Blue Lesbians and has illustrations provided by   _shslbs_ And there’s not much story in the ask blog, mostly a series of vignettes and all that you would expect from a tumblr ask blog, but it’s still solid and executed very well, and the art is fantastic.  Though my earlier critiques still apply here as well. 

Again, all my complaints are minor little points of preference and I am certain with future works SegaSister has potential to really knock it out of the park as a writer. 

She also has other fanfics though I’ve only read 1 of the others so far, and I definitely recommend checking out These stories and the rest of her collection of works if you have the chance. 

As always, ask box is open for suggestions and questions to the next work I should try out 

[hoshigomi]

Valley of Xuanyao // RAY! (not a review.)

Some thoughts on Xuanyao/Genyou/Dazzling Valley/Mysterious Valley/whatever you want to call it + Ray!

(This isn’t a fully-formed, plot critical review by any stretch of the imagination, but I wanted a chance to say everything I loved about these pieces of theatre, as well as a few criticisms I have.) (These are all my opinions and I’m sure people would agree or disagree with plenty of them!) (It’s literally just a couple lists, read at your own discretion.)

There are MANY SPOILERS HERE so watch out.

First off: Genyou no Tani / Valley of Xuanyao / Chinese Aterui (I guess it’s not as much like Aterui as I initially assumed) / AVATAR (the blue people one) (but set in China) / not NOT Pocahantas ~

Call it what you want, I’ll admit right out of the gate that I didn’t follow the entirety of this show. It got a lot better on the second and third try, but the first go was a little rough. 

Official plot summary here. 

Things I LOVED:

This show is beautiful. The set is very Alphonse Mucha aesthetic in style, and it makes me very sad that exactly 0 pictures do it justice. Not only is the set STUNNING, but it’s INNOVATIVE as well, the way they used huge hilly mountainous set pieces to create, well, valleys (haha) and set the scene actually grabbed my attention SEVERAL times. There are also no pictures that do the palace set justice, but the grandeur of it took my breath away, as did the EASE with which the set took us between settings. Unfortunately the visual aesthetic of the show is like not something I’m skilled enough to describe in words, but my point here is that if you get the chance to see this show, it would be worth it for the visual feast alone. 

This show is beautiful (music edition). BOY! The music is HAUNTING and POWERFUL and simple and complex all at once. I have told several people that if either the opening or finale songs are put on that custom CD maker thing in the theatres I would literally buy a custom CD just to get my hands on these songs like a couple weeks before their official release. I got chills every time Shirotae Natsu opened the show (we could NOT ask for a better new fukukumichou), and without fail, at the (spoilers) mass exodus of the Wen people (hello, Coto Moses?) song. 

The show is beautiful (general stage edition): It’s SO DANCEY. IT IS SO EXPRESSIVE. Even though the vast majority of the cast is costumed… nearly identical to one another, watching a n y one of them is a treat different from any other. There is no shortage of opportunity for these women to emote physically, and not a single one of them holds back. There are also like a billion acrobatic tricks in this show for some reason. They don’t take you out of anything, it’s just all VERY PHYSICAL. The Wen men and women specifically use physicality HARD to express their… history, I guess? There are several scenes with a few singers and a few dancers working together to tell a story. They give me CHILLS. The women (led by Honoka) in the palace also serve to set the aesthetic world and honestly I don’t have anything smart to say about them but they blew me away. Aomi Sario does several cartwheels. Yuunagi Ryou jumps like five feet in the air and does a somersault. I don’t know why any of these women are airborne as much as they are but they sure are good at it. 

Other standout things I loved- there were a LOT more, but I need SOMEONE to talk about these people and moments, and I guess it’s my burden to bear. 

FOR SOME REASON OOKI MAKOTO TALKS LIKE A LOT. She may talk more than Amahana Ema, freshly-transferred Ayaki Hikari, or Kiwami Shin. I can’t stress enough how much there is NO REASON FOR THIS. She ALSO, in a TURN OF FATE, IS NOT PLAYING AN OLD MAN. She’s playing a young soldier (NO FACIAL HAIR!!!!!) who at one point is goofing around under a tree on the edge of a stage and does some incredible pantomime work getting a spider off of her. I’m a little in love with her. I could not be happier that they truly just let her GO OFF this show. If you have ever liked Ooki Makoto, you need to see this show. 

Ooki Makoto is always accompanied by Tenju Mitsuki who, as usual, is doing The Most for the Least Payoff because she like angered a God in her past life but not enough for the God to not give her the most beautiful face known to man. She doesn’t get to do much at all, unfortunately as USUAL, though her character very much has the vibe of her Kamatari character, and she does get to do a really fucking sick trick where she gets hit by an arrow and despite watching her through opera glasses three times in a row I have no idea how she does it. 

SEO YURIA REALLY STEPPED UP HER GAME? This was a good meaty role with a nice little bit of her Red Oni from Another World mixed in for like chaotic measure. She sounds vocally FANTASTIC and looks at times actually TRULY PHYSICALLY IMPOSING. I’ve always been theatrically on the fence about Seo, but it looks like she’s really finding where she fits onstage and her strengths and is working HARD. I’m really into it. 

Arisa Hitomi does beautiful work as the narrator of the whole piece, more or less, I just wish we could have seen more of her. That’s kinda how it’s gonna go from now on huh. Sigh.

Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon . I will live and die in Hoshigumi, but if one day they move her to somewhere else to be top star, (after I mourn for a year and go through the five stages of grief), I will be right there by her side. Her character is spunky and fun and young and then gets tortured and killed (sorry, I said there were spoilers) in a way that I almost couldn’t WATCH. She’s an expert on throwing her (rapidly becoming lifeless) body around onstage in a way that really, really, really broke my heart. I winced. I’m sure I’m not the only one in the audience who would have put myself in her place to save her. 

It’s very cool when they use projections to enhance moments in this- like a sword striking a rock and the sparks that fly, or the mysterious man disappearing. Additionally, the SOUND DESIGN of this show was pretty flawless.

Current Kumichou and Soon-To-Be-Senka member Mari Yuzumi played, obviously, Coto’s mom, and the two of them share some really beautiful moments and part of a song- it was a fitting and sweet part to give her, and I’m so glad she got some real stage time here because lord am I gonna miss her. 

There’s a little drumline throughout some scenes of Wen people featuring (I THINK) Toudou Jun, Asamizu Ryou, Sayaka Rin, Sakuraba Mai, and POSSIBLY Kuresaki Rino. They don’t do anything to serve the plot, they just sometimes act as a transition in and out and winding through group scenes. It kicks ass. 

Though this show was by NO MEANS an “ensemble show” (it was obviously very heavily (and wonderfully!) pulled by Coto, and all the ensemble was…. To be honest, visually mostly indistinguishable from one another), it like… WAS an ensemble show. There are MANY scenes with the HUGE chunks of the troupe, whether it’s the soldiers doing some INCREDIBLE sword and spear work or the dancers as the Wen people telling stories through the sheer power of their NUMBERS, or the women in the palace with their ribbons and dance, the real power of this show is in the ensemble and what they give to the story. Personally, ensemble driven stories tick ALL my boxes, so even if the plot was a little rough for me, the sheer POWER of Hoshigumi really made this a show that I realize now, sitting at my desk in Tokyo, I wish I was seeing again like today. This show did a complete 180 for me, and I can not recommend it enough. It isn’t FUN, but I can’t find the words to express how MOVING and BEAUTIFUL it is. If you can’t see it in person, I guess I recommend buying the blu ray, renting out a movie theatre, and watching it on as big of a screen as you can possibly get.

RAY:

Ray was just OKAY to me, though I admit I DID love it a little more with each consecutive viewing. I wonder how I’ll feel about it at the end of the Tokyo run- it very well might grow on me and stick in my heart as a revue I really love, but for now I’m personally a bit lukewarm on this one. I’m gonna express my three gripes first, and then move on to the things I love. 

1.) God this revue really fucking abuses projections. Not only does it OPEN AND END with an unnecessary mini movie, and not only do they use the projections to transition us literally through the starry galaxy to the PANTHEON which they make with like Windows Screensaver level skill and then for some reason also show us on a real backdrop- if they had the REAL backdrop, why did they need to also show us a CGI version?, but they also straight up show us MOVIES while people are singing. As captivating as I find every single woman in Hoshigumi, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the acid trip that was the projections. They weren’t STILL EITHER. They were THIS distracting, down to the literal giant eye. I hated them so much. They didn’t make any visual sense, they didn’t enhance a thing, they really weren’t even vaguely thematically appropriate. I hope beyond hope that the venues they use for the tour just don’t have the tech power for this and the projections get cut. I didn’t like a SINGLE one of them. 

2.) I can’t really explain this one but something was… missing. The numbers weren’t…. varied , I guess? They were all the same like. Power level and mostly had the same amount of people onstage (a lot), and while there’s NOTHING I love more than a big group number, this one had… I guess maybe too many? Or maybe it wasn’t the amount that is the issue, maybe it’s just how they weren’t like tonally varied. The numbers were all GOOD, but the flow was weird? I don’t know. Something felt off. If anyone sees this and gets what I mean, please talk to me about it. 

3.) And this one is personal preference, but I thought the whole Ray theme was…. Much too heavy handed for an ohirome GT. To clarify, I think this would have been VERY suitable for a taidan revue, thematically, but I think it’s too early to be playing top star name games and adorning the whole stage with her name… repeatedly. I GET that it’s clever because like, ray of light, starlight, etc, but I didn’t like it. I wouldn’t have liked like, Dramatic ‘S’ as a first revue either, for example. This isn’t personal or about Coto, if they had made Kai top and called her first revue like ‘Seven Seas’ I also would have been like ….#yikes. I just wish they’d save this stuff for later in Coto’s run. 

That said, the good outweighed the bad! Some numbers of note (this is NOT all of them, just the ones that stuck with me) include: 

The opening, which was very fun! The set was cool, multi layered and opening with just Coto inside like a cut out diamond shape on a platform and made good use of a pretty bare stage to really give EVERYONE a moment. There were more featured faces in this number alone that I didn’t even RECOGNIZE than I can count- and that made me really happy to see! Special shoutout to Taiki Hayate and Ruri Hanaka for getting to stand on the edge of the stage and sing. I just think they’re neat. The opening was rock-y and sexy and mature and it was very fun to get to see so many people shine in it. 

This was followed by Seocchi in a number with again, a BEAUTIFUL set. Seriously, when they aren’t abusing the hell out of a projector, this revue IS VISUALLY STUNNING. It’s like set on Jupiter kind of, there’s a swirling galaxy all lit up behind the dancers (Seo, Amato Kanon, Minato Rihi- who has big Renta energy and always makes me happy to look at) Aomi Sario, Ruri Hanaka, notably.) This number has big Look At The Youth Of Tomorrow energy. Seo sounds INCREDIBLE, and everyone who is featured here makes my heart leap. This was definitely one of my favorite numbers. 

There was a tango that would have been 90x sexier if only it didn’t feature those stupid turbans on literally everyone. Mikkii gets to sing her bridge solo (thank God), and the energy is rowdy. Everyone is in white pants.

The chuuzume is nice. It starts what feels like oddly early, but probably isn’t. They abuse the projections during the start of this one, (Hanagata Hikaru) and then thankfully pull the screen up and get rid of them for a while. The chuuzume is neat in that it also features a lot of little groups of siennes, from the young ones (who even get to SING small solos and things) (and I mean SMALL ones)- Amato Kanon has a solo at a point (and is CENTER ON THE BRIDGE for the kyakuseki part of the chuuzume), Aomi Sario and (iirc) Yuuhi Maki get a small duet, little groups are coming on and off constantly. It’s fun. They put the otokoyaku on the bridge and they do some sharp dancing and some kinda… seductive, to me, stuff. Most everyone is in red. The aesthetic of this chuuzume is GOOD.

THIS ROCKETTE MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE ROCKETTE EVER.

Aesthetically it is flawless, and it’s led by three girls including RURI HANAKA who gets a CENTER OF THE BRIDGE SOLO. These costumes are BEYOND adorable as well! Look at them! This rockette really shows off how skilled some of these girls are. They also do a lineup that goes as usual from shortest to tallest to shortest again, except they break this up by putting the three leads in the MIDDLE, which really means its like, short to tallest to SHORTEST to tallest to short again and believe me when I say it is COMICAL. There’s a solid foot difference between some of these women. 

The Olympics number which immediately follows the rockette is lovely, it features a biiiiiig group of the cast and then Mizuno Yuri, Otosaki Itsuki, Sazanami Reira, Aomi Sario, and Amato Kanon as the colors of the Olympic rings. Musically this one didn’t stick that hard with me, but it’s a visual treat, and everyone’s dance proficiency is on full display. Plus if you look at the back of the stage you’ll see Yuunagi Ryou and Hiroka Yuu doing like a dance battle and pulling and pushing each other around which is extremely relevant to my interests. 

From here it got really lovely for me personally. Amahana Ema and Kiwami Shin led Swingin’ On A Star on the bridge (and both of them sound lovely and sweet), and then theres a couple dance featuring about 10 or so people including  Toudou Jun and again Yuunagi Ryou (this is the only place in the revue I didn’t have trouble spotting her unfortunately, and I’m GOOD at finding her), going on while Maisora finishes up the number. It’s sweet and it’s sugary and it’s a piece of like small lightness after all the very Heavy and Full group numbers before. 

The kuroenbi is pretty good, it felt somehow… unfinished? But immediately after that is Coto jumping into You Are My Sunshine which I personally find to be the most charming thing in the world. It includes solos for Seo, Hanagata Hikaru, Aichan, and a LOT of attention on Hoshigumi’s musumeyaku who get to ALL line up on the bridge together and sing. It’s a treat. It made my heart happy and made me grin really big. 

Other shoutouts go to 

Sazanami Reira and her wild hair flips

Akachan who for some reason sounds vocally like she’s underwater, which was hard for me to place until recently 

Maisora and Coto who really DO work together well as a combi though these two shows didn’t give them much chance to see that (please watch Mozart once it’s out on DVD to see what these two can DO together)

Mari Yuzumi for still killing it with everyone else in every number despite the fact that she’s so up there that they’re moving her to senka after this- boy I am gonna MISS her

Amato Kanon for holding my future in her, soft, capable hands.

Minato Rihi for smiling like Renta

The upperclassmen for not letting being completely sidelined ruin their attitude and for still giving their all to everything and pulling my attention with their YEARS of expertise

Kisa Kaoru, Soua Takeru, Houma Toa, Hiroki Yuzuha, and Kuresaki Rino just because they make me smile.

Sakuraba Mai and Haruto Yuuho who should actually be a top combi together. 

Seo Yuria for really just like stepping it up all around and drawing my attention and taking up SPACE.

Ruri Hanaka because holy shit, girl….

All in all, this was a good pair. Not every revue works for everyone, and maybe this one just didn’t grab my heart the way I wished it did. It was still fun, and it definitely had enough numbers that I loved for me to want to go back multiple times, and whatever Ray lacked, Valley picked up for me. It’s a good set of shows, and everyone does really lovely work. I can’t wait to see where Coto and Maisora’s Hoshigumi goes!

[jq37]

so...... thoughts on the first ep?

**spoilers for start spreading the news**

What is UP you guys? The new season of Dimension 20 is out and your girl is back (implies I left, which is false) with only the hottest of takes.

Usually I vomit up my opinions with little rhyme or reason and, don't worry, I'm not changing that format any time soon. But, because of the structure of the episode, I think it'll be easier to use headings and go through each character/element of this. So let's do this y'all!

The Setting

I think the best thing you can do as a writer or a creative person in general is the make something that only you could make, you know? Like, make the thing that only someone with your specific life experiences and weird brain could have come up with. And I really think that this is that for Brennan. I already talked about this in other posts, but the version of NYC that Brennan created for this game is that to me. Like, magical NY has been done, but the specific details? Who else could have written, "The annual SantaCon is actually Santa dumping all of his defective clones into NYC where the magic barrier that keeps normals from seeing magic will disguise them and the protectors of the city will be able to deal with them"? That's so specific and so wild and so New York and so Brennan.

And I haven't lived in NY for so long but I've had one winter here and the way he describes what it's like to walk down the street during winter in the city is so real. Like smelling garbage then laundry detergent then sugared nuts from those corner stands and you're freezing and then baking in the subway in your coat. That was so so real. (I will be saying this phrase a lot so get used to it now)

And I like that he didn't make the obvious choices, you know? Like we've had three, like, magical figureheads across D20 and those are usually classic old, white, possibly British roles, you know? Like a Gandalf or a Dumbledore. But he had Aguefort in FH and now Esther and Alejandro in TUS. I just think it's cool that we're getting some different archetypes to fill these roles instead of the same dude c.p'd in again, you know?

Also, the fantasy NYC map is so dope. I wanna go back and try to read everything on it when I have the chance. 

Pete

Ally is a DRUG DEALER. I thought Pete was gonna be a stripper but he's a DRUG DEALER. Honestly, I could have figured this out sooner if I'd just checked Urban Dictionary like I did just now and found out that "plug" means "someone who is a resource for obtaining something valuable that would otherwise be difficult to obtain" or, more simply, "drug dealer". But I'm glad I didn't because it was much more fun to find out in real time.

Ally makes some character choices sometimes that are too specific to not be rooted in life experience and that whole microwave cheese monologue was one of them.

Pete's official diagnosis is that he has "a lot going on."

Ally almost won MVP line of the episode with, "Shot my tits off." Murph losing it in the background killed me almost more than the actual line.

I really, really want Pete's doctor to be a recurring character because he is wild in how wild he isn't. He has so much wild stuff happening around him and he is in a wild line of work but he seems like a relatively stable guy. I love him. Also, the completely wrong cadence he used to say, "lgbt ally" was gold.

Is Ally ever gonna have a character with a good relationship with their parents? One time? Ever?

I literally don't even know how to begin to address the wild magic trip Pete went on. Like, I don't think Ally knew what they were doing when they decided to be a wild magic sorcerer. I don't think they knew what kind of challenge they were issuing to Brennan. And after seeing the wild nonsense Brennan consistently came up with for Jer'ih'meh in Bloodkeep, I can't want to see the insanity he spits out for Pete.

"You're the one who they they wanted to play a wild magic sorcerer."

Also, Brennan just using lyrics from "New York, New York" for whatever dream demon or whatever was going on in that trip was, like, equal parts clever and hilarious. Sidenote, do you think all the ep titles are gonna be from songs about NY? I mean, there are enough songs I bet.

Pete has this thing where he constantly lands on the exact wrong part of the situation to focus on. Like later when he gets stuffed in the magic closet at the hospital and he's like, "Hospitals are so advanced, also go much is this gonna cost?" Ally's comic timing on that is always perfect.

WILD that that was the first intro. Like, way to kick off the new season with a bang.  I really wonder what this episode would have felt like if this was the last intro or if the intro for the two normal people hadn’t been right at the top. Actually now that I’m editing, I feel like we almost got the intros from least experienced w/ this stuff to most experienced. Because Pete is a total noob. Sophia is also a noob but she has met Kugrash at least once. Then you have Ricky who’s only been in this for about a year. Then Kingston who probably has more experience than Kug by years but Kug has been a rat man his whole life (presumably). Finally Misty who is probably like a BS amount of years old and steeped in this stuff. Honestly,  if I was DM’ing, I might have fudged the die rolls to look exactly like how it turned out. 

Sophia

Emily describing her character and slipping into her character voice gradually as she went on was so pro.

"Like if Fran Dresher went on an Amy Winehouse bender." I love her.

"Did you not want baby bangs?"

"She's a WHOO-OAR."

I'm gonna die if Brennan make than woman an actual succubus because of an offhanded comment.

My favorite thing is when Emily is saying some nonsense and she can barely even get through it without breaking. Also, Murph is so visibly amused by Emily's entire intro. It's great.

I love that both of the "normal" characters spent most of this episode intoxicated in one way or another.

So Emily absolutely won the episode in my eyes for coming up with one of the sickest burns I've heard and in real time. A dude tells her to read his dick and she, after only a momentary pause, says, "No I'm not gonna read your dick (beat) because I don't read short stories!" Brennan doesn't even make her roll. He just narrates her success. The table goes wild. The bar she's at goes wild. Zac specifically is cracking up. Like, I feel like this is gonna be a little bit of a deep cut reference but did any of you ever play the Monkey Island games and do the insult swordfighting? That's what that scene was. Amazing.

Murph's, like, entire posture and expression (@ 1:24ish) when Emily is saying Sophia thinks she saw a giant rat man who gave her an egg sandwich and Gatorade is total gold.

"Gotta kill some brain cells to kill the ones with the memory of Dale in them."

OK so funny story (funny to me at least) at the Fantasy High live show, I was talking to some other girls who were there and we ended up talking about how the small of a woman's back is basically the worst place you can casually touch them outside of the really bad places and how viscerally terrible it is so when Brennan said one of the trolls touched one of the girls there and Sophie/Emily was like BIG NOPE, I had a That's So Raven flashback to that conversation immediately.

Emily leaps into action...and rolls a nat 1 to fight a bunch of trolls. She actually does really well in the rest of the fight though so that's good.  

Oh, also Siobhan made everyone dope themed dice boxes!

Ricky

I hope Dimension 20 runs for the next 10 years and I hope Zac plays a good, big, doofus in every single season.

"He's basically like Superman if Superman were Japanese." Love.

Also, I love the distinction that he's 5' 8" but buff.

Ricky surrounded by a raging fire: First of all, that's a cool bear.

I like the way that Brennan skinned the cleric and paladin powers for this game so they're more about values than deities. I was wondering how it was gonna work in this setting and I think this was such a cool way to handle it.  

I really think Brennan has a great handle of presenting certain things in such a way that it's interesting for the players as well as the audience. Like, when Ricky is trying to escape the burning apartment, he puts an obstacle in his way that forces him to use his Paladin powers (to create water specifically). It's not really a hard "puzzle" or something he has to roll for, but it introduces to the audiences that he's not just a firefighter. I just think it's really cool that he's able to pull off narrative things like that without actually controlling the characters. (And, props to the players too, of course, for being so consistently entertaining).

"Mr. March."

Ricky in the middle of the winter: I'm not as tan as I used to be.

Ricky rooftop runs like a freaking superhero.

OK, this is barely related to what I'm talking about right now but it's important to me that you all know this. I commented in an earlier post that Ricky clearly had circus music playing in his head at all times and then I was like, "Hmm, I wonder what that one circus song is called." You know, the song that you think about immediately when you hear the phrase "circus music" so I looked it up and APPARENTLY it is a CZECH MILITARY MARCH known alternately as (brace yourselves) ENTRY OF THE GLADIATORS and THUNDER AND BLAZES. I kid you not. That's actually what that song is called. I called my brother and told him immediately. OK, back on topic.

Is a questing blade a thing? I feel like it's a Thing from legend or fairy tales or something but, when I Google it, I come up with basically nothing.

Does Ricky have a thing for Esther or is he just a super awkward texter and nice guy who does not want to be set up by his sister for a different reason?

I need Brennan to explain how the Santa Question works in this world. The question being, "Why don't parents freak about the gifts they're not buying?" and, side question, "Why don't poor kids get presents?" My go-to answers are always, "He Jedi Mind Tricks into thinking they bought them," and, "He has to work within each family's socio-economic means in order to not be obvious." So there are def plausible answers. But, like, this is something I like to see addressed when we're doing the "Santa is real," thing.  

"I grew up with twins and one of them was worse than the others so that makes sense."

"Is Santa good?"/"The ethics of it are alarming, I won't lie."

So, my paranoid thought for this episode is I'm a little Concerned that someone down the line (maybe Esther, but hopefully not) is going to take advantage of Ricky's Big Dumb energy and his "It's the right thing to do," mentality and manipulate him into doing something Not Great. Like, it's not based on anything besides mainlining a ton of media over the past 24 years but I'm just gonna keep an eye out.

Re the Santa/Peppermint Zombification: Hey Brennan, turn your location on. I just wanna talk.

I have to say, from the bottom of my heart, what the hell?

That creeped me out in the same way that episode of Adventure time where Princess Bubblegum (infused with the primal elemental candy energy or whatever) turned everyone into Candy people and everyone started singing Let Me Call You Sweetheart. What a weirdly specific body horror thing for me to encounter more than once. That one peppermint tooth thing is gonna haunt me. 

Kingston

I gotta say, props to Lou for pulling a complete 180 on the kind of character he picked this time around. He went from playing this super extra rich pretty boy to this salt of the Earth quasi patriarch and he's just as comfortable with it. Kingston is so real. I went to church with like 50 guys like him back home.

Why are you fighting so hard about free food Kingston? Take the free homecooked food Kingston!

The intensity of his, "I will be here until I die," was hysterical.

Mentioned this before but I love the flavoring of the cleric class where instead of being attuned to a deity Kingston is basically attuned to the entire city. Also, the perks are excellent. Bus service anywhere for free. Sign me up.

I like that Ricky's sister works at the hospital. It's a really cool potential connection for later.

"We're gonna take the thing outchyo butt. We're not gonna deny you medical services."

"Aint nothing wrong with being a freak." --Kingston Brown

Fantasy creatures having to deal with updated tech (like the Toll bridge trolls talking about EZ-passes) is one of my fave urban fantasy tropes.

"I've got a really sweet smelling man here!"

"Yeah, my tooth fell out and now it's a candy. Hey, how much is this gonna cost?" This is what I’m talking about. Priorities my dude.

I love that Kingston knows Pete's weird mob doctor. It seems like part of his deal is that he just knows everything about everyone in the city (within whatever parameters).

Pete says, in quick succession about Ricky, "I feel like he would bully me," and, "He seems like a golden retriever," which I feel are almost mutually exclusive statements.

Kugrash

Well, I asked what kind of druid nonsense was happening in Central Park and the answer is Murph apparently.

I really wish I could have been there when Murph announced he wanted to play a literal rat.

"I am the shit that feeds the flies. A dumpster druid."

"Wherever you are rat Jesus, I love you." You're killing me Brennan.

Aww Kugrash goes around feeding the homeless and stuff. He's like this grumpy ass rat man who really cares about the community.

"Santa you fucking bum." --Kugrash

"I'm sorry are you a rat?"

The idea of a roach with a hobo sack pisses me off because it's adorable but roaches are the worst.

"Is Santa dead?"/"I don't know. I'm not religious."

"Santa Claus is real and he's DEAD."

Brennan loves to use the modifiers "full" and "fully" and I have picked it up irl and in my writing.

"Let's get a little fucked up and go see if Santa's dead!"

Just that whole squirrel interaction.

The sixth borough huh? Interesting. I see you Brennan.

Also, the detail that Kug's clothes are made from old MTA vests is great.

Misty

Siobahn is playing basically exactly the character I thought she'd be playing but she's doing it so much better and more extra than I could have imagined.

"A lady would never say her age, so I won't."

Is her pianist magic or something too? I have my suspicions.

So Misty gets some kind of bard and/or fairy high from praise and adoration which is interesting.

What kind of weird, morally dubious and/or unpleasant fae thing is Misty gonna have to do soonish? It's not gonna be good. Fae stuff never is.

DON CONFETTI

"I don't study magic. I just *am* magic."

So many of these intro vignettes end with, "You don't know that...but you do know who does." Like I said before, I really love the weaving together of all the story threads to get everyone in the same place at the same time in an organic feeling way.

Also he makes all these transitions sound cinematic, like he's writing the description parts of a movie script and not narrating in person.

Public Library! I knew we'd end up here eventually but I didn't know it'd be pretty much immediately. Like, if you're going w/ the "NY is magic" premise, the library has to figure in, you know?

Emily immediately having Sophia recognize Ricky as Mr. March was such a funny and on point character decision. I love how one-off, spur of the moment lines end up being running jokes because other players pick on them and drop them an hour later.

"Are you a rat?"/"Yeah, I'm a rat man!"/"I'm sorry if that was rude."

Brennan: The lions are alive and they're boyfriends.

Misty and Siobhan both are genre savvy enough to want to nip a knights/knave door puzzle situation in the bud.

Ricky on escape rooms: I'm not very good at them but I can definitely try my hardest. (Guys, I love him so much.)

Love me some MC Escher steps.

Underrated Misty line: It's all infernal to me.

Misty's little, "Ugh" at learning they have to go to Times Square is the real NY experience.

Is this Alejandro dude gonna die? What's the over under on this dude eating it very soon?

Misty encouraging Pete to shoot Alejandro is so needlessly chaotic which is a common fae trait and I really hope this escalates.

I dunno what Murph rolled for initiative but he looks like he just shamed his entire family line.

And we’re fighting an army of crazed Santa clones next week! We have literally just started and we are already fully off the rails.  I cannot *wait* to see where we go from here if this is the *starting point*. 

[tessatechaitea]

The Ray #1

In 1994, I had no idea who Christopher Priest and Howard Porter were so I have no idea why I purchased this comic book.

Although (continuing the thought from the caption which is just me saying, "Fuck the format! I can do what I want!") I was in my early 20s in 1994 so I was probably into that edgy fascination with freaks and body deformity. I hadn't seen Tod Browning's Freaks yet but I'm sure I would have jumped at the chance if I'd known about it. It's the only reason I can figure why I bought a comic book about a character I knew nothing about. Because it looks like he's a hero with a deformed baby leg. I probably picked it up off the shelf and yelled, "Fuckin' A, dude! Look at this ganky bastich!" It was 1994 so obviously I was emulating Lobo in my every day life. Some of you might be thinking, "Ugh! You're so gross and problematic!" But I'm just being honest! I was a young man, masking like crazy in order to hide my vulnerabilities so I wouldn't be crushed by social interactions and existential threats to my psyche. I had to act tough to survive the crazy streets of Santa Clara, California! Back then, Silicon Valley wasn't like it is now! In 1994, hulking techno-nerds were roaming the streets with razor sharp circuit boards looking to cut the genitals off of anybody who criticized the Neo-Geo CD home gaming console. If you looked at them funny, they'd challenge you to a game of Cyberball and you'd better hope you won because they were also obsessed with Mortal Combat and if you lost, the last thing you'd hear would be a bunch of techno-nerds screaming "Finish him!" before you found yourself upside down gagging on the filthy water of an unflushed public toilet. The early nineties were some rough years! Especially when you were into heavy metal! People think grunge and rap killed metal but think about what people thought was "rock and roll" during the early 90s: Warrant's "Cherry Pie" and Extreme's "More Than Words." I mean, Feetal's Gizz! Metal was dead long before grunge and rap came by to fill its grave. Anyway, you could totally be into freaks in the early 90s because the Internet didn't exist so your opinions weren't reaching anybody outside your small circle of friends. All the other people of the world who didn't know you at all didn't have a way to tell you you were a piece of shit because of one single thing that comprised the myriad facts of who you were. Fuck you, Internet! No, no! I'm sorry! Don't be mad at me, Internet! I can't live without you! Also, maybe I just bought this comic book because the cover was shiny and embossed and growing up in Santa Clara was so boring that it made this comic book looked exciting. The issue begins with The Ray battling Brimstone. Remember him from Legends?

Brimstone is as big as Godzilla and he's already killed hundreds of people, judging by the apartment buildings he's smashed.

I don't know who The Ray is or where he's from. What part of the United States of America uses slang like "gaffle," "put my serve on," "zoom this buster," "bone out," "feebs," and "rot." Is this just Christopher Priest trying to mimic youth speak? I would expect this kind of thing from an aging comic book writer like current Neal Adams but Priest was in his early thirties when he wrote this. Maybe The Ray is from another Earth and Priest's theory was that slang words would obviously differ between Earths. But not so much that you couldn't get the gist of what he's saying. Except for "gaffle." I don't know what the fuck he wants to do to Brimstone when he says he's going to gaffle him. I know what I would mean by it but that doesn't seem appropriate in this situation.

Oh wait. The Ray was just writing fan-fiction about himself.

So the Brimstone fight didn't really happen. Or it did happen but The Ray is using it as fodder to write comic books about himself. So he's like Clark Kent writing articles about Superman? At least writing comic book stories about your own adventures isn't unethical. Fucking Clark Kent. What kind of a journalist uses his soap box to simply promote himself? No wait. Journalists fucking suck. I despise journalists for the same reason I despise police officers. If you're just letting your profession go to shit because a bunch of people are abusing their positions of power and not actually doing the public service they're supposed to be doing, you're just as bad as the worst apple in the barrel. There's a reason that whole apple/barrel thing is still a saying even though nobody really associates apples with barrels anymore. Maybe The Ray isn't writing comic books although it seems like the super edgy postmodern take a writer in the 90s would think was fucking mind blowing. We got Kyle Rayner, comic book artist, as the new Green Lantern. Why shouldn't we also get a comic book writer in there as well? Or The Ray might just be writing stories for his college paper which would mean he's just as unethical and terrible as Clark Kent, I suppose. But in an amateurish way. The Ray (whose name is Ray Terrill so it was lucky he got light-based powers) stops trying to write and decides to tell the readers about the last few days. He's a young guy who works at a fast food chicken joint and has just leased his first apartment. It's a piece of shit with some garbage and/or artistic sculpture in the middle of the room but he doesn't have any credit or money so he's stuck with it. I bet there are corpses under the floor boards as well as other things too boring to mention (but which I'll mention anyway) like rats and cockroaches and dried semen stains.

This is Ray's narration of the place which I read after I wrote the previous paragraph. Was I writing comics and named Christopher Priest in 1994?

The Ray spends all day handing out flyers to Clucky Chicken while standing right outside Clucky Chicken. Is that what flyers are for? To remind people about the thing they can totally see right in front of them? I guess they could be coupons. While he's handing out flyers, his super cool cousin Hank stops by to gaffle some swang all up in through him.

This must be Earth-15 where they say things like "Yo trip dat frum, golderboots!" and "Swank on into my PQs, Flub Daddy!"

The Ray is disappointed that he's a man now because responsibility sucks. Kids can't stand curfews and rules but man is it sweet to be able to come and go as you please (within curfew, of course!) while doing whatever the fuck you want and not worrying about money for food or rent. The Ray can't even fuck his girlfriend because she saw him in the chicken suit and is all, "Oh, um, I just came by to say I can't come by! Bye!" The Ray can travel at the speed of light anywhere he wants while carrying other people. That makes sense because comic books. He takes his cousin Hank Fonzerelli to see a volcano shaped like a hand in Hawaii only to discover that it's another Brimstone. It's activated by a henchman of Darkseid while The Ray and Hank are checking out a surf competition or a luau. It's at this point when The Ray gets back to the beginning of the story where he was failing to stop Brimstone from destroying a city. As he picks the story back up, Superboy arrives to save the day. Not the boring Superboy who used to be Superman and learned a terrible secret about himself on his sixteenth birthday about an extra candle. The new Superboy who arrived on the scene after Superman died. He might also be boring but I wouldn't know having never read any comic books about him. The new Superboy is an arrogant dick and The Ray hates him. That's probably why The Ray winds up killing him. Or he thinks he killed him. Everybody reading the comic book probably thought The Ray killed him too (because we were all dumb-dumbs who actually believed DC Comics had killed Superman off for good. Why wouldn't they?! He was a big boring boy scout whose powers kept fluctuating because editors and writers thought the problem with writing Superman stories was that he was too powerful. But the real problem with writing Superman stories was that those same writers and editors were unimaginative assholes who didn't actually understand Superman. Why else would Superman have died from a fist fight?! Seriously, Dan Jurgens. What were you thinking?! Superman should never have been killed because he encountered something more powerful that could just beat the shit out of him. Superman should have been killed because of a philosophical or ethical dilemma where he realized the only way to save the world was to allow himself to die. He should have been Jesus but instead he was just Apollo Creed. Who I think was a metaphor for John the Baptist? The issue ends with the narrator letting the readers know that Superboy isn't actually dead and why would the idiots think he'd be killed in The Ray when he was currently starring in his own popular monthly comic book? Stupid dumb comic book readers! But the narrator also mentions that The Ray is out of power (I didn't know he had to recharge) and Brimstone is kind of mad. Then he's all, "If we were you," (I don't think a proper editor in 1994 would have allowed a writer to use the plural pronoun "we" as a non-specific gender singular pronoun so now I'm picturing the narrator as a small group of old people), "We'd be back here in 30 days!" And I guess 22 year old me agreed with them because I purchased Issue #2. The Ray #1 Rating: C. C is average, right? I didn't find anything I particularly loved about this issue but I also didn't find anything I absolutely hated. Except for Superboy but I think I was supposed to hate him so that's a positive critique. I probably purchased the next issue because I wanted to find out what happens to Hank Fonzerelli. What a cool dude! The letters pages don't have any letters but it does have a story by Brian Augustyn about how Christopher Priest changed his name from Jim Owsley. It also explains that Priest's idea for The Ray was to have a teenager suddenly have to deal with god-like powers while still being a teenager. I think before this that was called "Spider-man". Except for the god-like powers! Those were more spider-like powers.

[escherenigmart]

Inktober 2019 Retrospective

This is mostly for my own benefit.  Fair warning, I slipped into “self assessment at work” mode, so the language is a bit odd.  A reminder, I have no formal art training, but do have formal engineering training.

So read on if you want my thoughts on my own work.  Or, y’know look away.

Summary

My goal was to “finish” Inktober, posting 31 fully inked drawings over the course of the month.  A secondary goal was to use and practice with the shiny new Copic markers my dearly beloved, @godsdamnednamethieves, gifted me back in September.

I achieved both these objectives, and while there were some rough patches, and many nights where I stayed up far later then I should have, I’d say it went fairly well.  It was helped that I took a week-long “staycation” in the middle of the month.

That said, there is clearly room for improvement in my art, time-management, and process.  It is my next objective, moving forward, to incorporate what I have learned, about my self-discipline, art, and tools, into a stable plan that promotes growth.

Onto specific issues.

Tools

For Inktober 2019, I used three sketchbooks, Pilot’s “color eno” mechanical colored pencils, gummy erasers (I’ve had them so long I don’t know the brand), my Copic Multiliners, and my Copic Sketch markers.

Sketchbooks:

Adhesive pinding, flip-on-short edge.  This was the book I started on, and has been my primary sketchbook this year. The pages were already tearing out infrequently, but once I got started in Inktober this accelerated and many pages tore out.  Would not recommend.

Slightly yellow paper, bound with thread in smaller numbers.  For Inktober I just used this to keep sketch ideas and play with layouts, and did not put any “final” illustrations in it.  It lays flat on the scanner, and no pages have torn out.  I’ve been very happy with this style of book, and plan to continue with this style for my future sketchbooks.

Hard-bound thick paper, thread-bound and glued to the hardback.  About a week into October I ordered a new sketchbook, and ordered this one.  Thick paper, holds the colored ink well, looks nice.  Does not easily lay flat for scanning or drawing, though this was mitigated by leaving more margins.

The colored pencils worked well enough, though I quickly discovered that colored pencils and Copic markers do not play well together.  This led to me refining my technique and relying less on detailed pencil sketches before I began inking.  Need to order more light blue lead, as that is the color I go through fastest by far.

Multiliners are still a hit-and-miss.  My 0.3 multi-liner from the B-2 pack had the nib fall out, and from what I can tell that style of marker/pen/whatever can not have the nib replaced.  My 0.3 Multiliner SP wound up being my work horse pen, though I also used my 0.1 Multiliner for fine detail, and my 0.8 and 1.0 for borders and some lettering.  Oddly, before my 0.3 multliner failed me for the last time, it was reliably giving narrower lines from the 0.3 multiliner SP.  I don’t know if this was just a lead-up to the nib-failure, or if there’s a bigger difference between the SP and the pens from teh B-2 pack.  But even beyond that, the SP feels nicer in my hand, and was more reliable.  When I need new pens, I’ll probably bite the bullet and get more of the SP variety.

Copic Sketch markers.  This was mostly a learning experience, figuring out what works, what doesn’t, how to use them, and so-on.  Overall I’m very happy, but I’m still very bad at choosing colors.  I repeatedly went to my husband to make color choices for me, often to great effect.  So if you like my color choices, give him the credit.  If you think my color choices are awful, give me the blame.  A few things that bothered me were that I noticed some of my drawing picking up little splotches or dots far away from where I was working.  This is particularly notable on the “Warrior of the Beach” picture.  My theory is that either I’m getting ink on my hand, then transferring it to the page when I rest it, or that when I’m putting caps on/pulling caps off, I’m sending little droplets of ink flying.

A few of my markers gave me a little trouble, but I’m not sure if it’s just because I don’t know what I’m doing or because I really did use W1 and C1 that much.  I need to get a small scale so I can see if they’re actually low on ink or if I’m just a noob.

Process

The days where I was most happy with my work was when I had an idea, toyed with layout in my sketchbook, and then redrew the whole thing.  When I was least happy was often when I floundered about with no ideas, and then tried to draw something, anything, around 9 pm.

What this means (to me) is that I’m still relying too much on “inspiration” rather then discipline, which is a long-term problem.

Beyond that,taking the time/luxury of a full sketch (in a different book) to plan layout, workshopping text with the hubby, and splitting up inking from coloring (by hours or days) improved the quality of my work.  Even still, some of the pieces I’m very happy with had little to no planning.

For example, “Ripe” was done with basically no planning.  After deciding to do a dude doing pull-ups, I started on the text on the bottom with a ruler.  About half-way through drawing the dude I decided to make it Dave.  At some point I hit the “clever” idea of making it an immovable rod instead of a mundane pull-up bar.  And then I cursed myself, because I came up with a better text layout, “Immovable Rod, Ripe Bod”, but it was too late to use it.

The Art Itself

The big part.

Some days I was very happy.  Some days I floundered (can you guess which category my “pattern” piece falls into?).  Overall though, I think I showed improvement, both in line-work and color-work, over the month.  That said, “Mindless” and “Bait” still make me very happy.

I also realized that I strangely enjoy text.  Whether it was using little banners, comic-style speech and narration boxes, borders and fancy fonts, it was a lot of fun and helped contextualize the pieces.  Incorporating text is definitely something I want to continue to do.

Playing around with layouts, borders, framing was also unexpectedly fun.  The later pieces where I restricted my “work area” with borders I think turned out much better for the limitation, with the framing devices often helping tell the story.  In comparison, pieces like “Overgrown” or the early “freeze” and “build”, don’t have a firm ending, and felt lacking to me.

Flaws: hands, feet, and legs in general.  And as much as I enjoyed playing with layouts and borders, I can’t use that as an excuse to not draw feet and more complicated leg positions.  I clearly need to spend more time doing simple figure sketches, both whole-body and specific body parts.

Conclusion

Inktober was great, if time permits, I’ll probably do it again next year.  But probably not the “full marathon”, dropping down to “half marathon” so I don’t stay up quite so late.

Also, I need to do a nicer illustration of Xanadeux.  She’s only got that one panel.  She needs more love.

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 2: The Racism of the Conductor’s Baton (Part 3)

BRIGHT: Also, the prompts in John’s head are back and are making increasingly strident demands. Namely, they want John to follow Nannasprite to the cookies. John isn’t too keen on this idea. He’s so not-keen on it that he fails to notice Rose whacking him in the head with a box. Frustrated by his lack of compliance, the voice devolves into insults. I’m not sure why the Wayward Vagabond is so insistent on this? It’s not like he can eat the cookies.

On the whole this is a really good sequence, I think. It lays out some basic background information for the reader and John, and it’s paced pretty well.

Back in the future, an agitated slip of the finger causes a cupboard door to open in the Wayward Vagabond’s hideout. Out fall a few tins of food and a heavy tome of HUMAN ETIQUETTE.

Rose has updated her GameFAQs walkthrough with the new information from Nannasprite. We’re getting something of a motif here: Cut-aways to the Wayward Vagabond are followed by a walkthrough update. It’s a nice little pattern.

Rose also speculates on the prototyping process and on why the prototypings of other players worldwide have not affected John’s foes, and comes to the conclusion that each client/server pair -- or daisy chain -- spawns its own copy of the Incipisphere, or ‘session’. She’s also caught up in rewriting her work. Couldn’t the reader go somewhere else? Or somewhen else?

Why yes, the reader can. Namely the reader can jump back to Rose’s birthday, where she’s having a conversation with GG.

This conversation reinforces that there’s something funny about GG. She asks about John’s present the moment Rose opens it, and Rose isn’t surprised by this. GG also knows without being told that Rose’s dead pet is a male cat, and she’s been working on her birthday present for John for years.

Finally, she asks what Rose would say if GG told her she knew a game that could bring said cat back to life.

TT: If someone told me that, I would regard the remark with a great deal of skepticism. TT: If that someone was you, on the other hand, then I would have to ask preemptively: TT: Is that someone you? GG: yes that someone is me!!!!!!!! GG: i just thought you might find it interesting TT: So what is this game?

Whatever strange abilities GG has, Rose is familiar with her knowing things she shouldn’t, and trusts her even when she makes claims that sound impossible.

CHEL: Note, also, that here GG is the one who brings up the game, while in an early convo with John set chronologically after this one she asked “lol! whats sburb?” This is not an inconsistency. Again, it comes up later. We end up saying that a lot. Sorry.

BRIGHT: Also: Rose knows John well enough to guess that he was wearing a disguise when he talked to her earlier -- but still interprets his gift of knitting needles and yarn as a subtle jab at her habit of making analytical comments, much as her mother. GG points out that he probably didn’t mean it that way. Later, Rose says she’ll make him a gift with strong sentimental value as a dig at him, but admits she doesn’t really mean it that way when GG points it out. Then again, this takes place some months before the comic starts, and may show how Rose and John’s relationship has evolved.

Back in Dave’s home, the sun is beating down. Meteors pepper the city, and smoke is rising. Dave captchalogues his katana, and sets out in search of his brother’s copy of the game.

Dave elaborates a little on the concept of irony that he and his brother live by. His brother is awesome, apparently. Dave can only hope to one day reach those heights of irony.

The puppet theme from earlier continues, with puppets strewn around the living room where Bro lives and sleeps. Among them are a Mr. T puppet, which is wearing a leather thong and handcuffed to a pantsless Chuck Norris puppet. What makes it a little disturbing is that this is just lying out in the living room, which Dave presumably goes into all the time. Dave’s narration here sounds a lot like he’s trying to convince himself that these things are totally cool, no, really. He can’t see Lil Cal anywhere, though...

CHEL: Other puppets are the iconic Smuppets, possibly a portmanteau of “smutty puppets”, vaguely humanoid nude puppets with enormous behinds and phallic noses. There are implications that they are intended for non-PG purposes. Further implications are that the leaving of obscene material around the home has been going on for all of Dave’s life. For the record, intentionally showing pornography or sexual aids to children is classed as a form of sexual abuse. Casually leaving them lying around the house in front of kids long-term, well, the motive may not be malicious but I doubt a jury would care. It certainly counts as neglect. The popular fanfic Brainbent explored the damage this kind of thing could inflict on a kid in a realistic setting.

Also note, there is no hint of Dave having or ever having had parents, not even a photo in the background or something. The immediate assumption would most likely be that they’re dead, but Bro’s strangeness might also suggest estrangement - behaviour like that would probably result in one’s parents not talking to one anymore, though they most likely wouldn’t leave a child in a place like that if they were around. We find out the truth later, and it’s even weirder.

BRIGHT: Between one panel and the next, Lil Cal appears atop a speaker box. Dave is fine with this. Totally fine.

CHEL: For the record, this is Lil Cal:

Not something one would be very happy about finding behind one, is he?

BRIGHT: He plays a bit on the Xbox, gives Cal a fistbump, and then checks out his brother’s computer. It’s password-protected, but Dave knows the password, and Bro knows he knows it, and Dave knows this, and it’s all totally cool.

One of Bro’s websites is a puppet pornography website. Apparently this is popular enough to bring in thousands of dollars a month, and Smuppets are a multi-billion-dollar-per-year enterprise. Time for our next point:

Magic-onomics - wherein characters’ funds issue from nowhere Half-baked attempts to justify a protagonist’s mystery money can also backfire. Explanations should amount to more than “Somehow Rain had lots of money.” Giving Rain an inheritance, or explaining that she recently gave up her job at a top law firm to pursue her art, will work only where these things feel like part of the world of the novel.

Bro and Dave live in a crappy apartment in which Bro doesn’t even have his own bedroom, instead sleeping on the futon in the living room where he works. Yet they have the funds to spend on swords (not cheap) and expensive turntables. The Con Air bunny prop Dave bought for John sold in real life for almost $1,300.

And how the heck do smuppets bring in multiple billions of dollars a year? That’s a niche market, even if Bro is the only supplier. (Which he wouldn’t be — if it’s worth that much, someone else would want in on the market.)

CHEL: Even if said market is fairly disturbing. If there’s enough people who like it enough to buy it, there’ll be people comfortable with supplying it.

BRIGHT: Their income shouldn’t be anywhere near that high, even with puppet pornography adding to the revenue stream. If we grant that in this universe it is that high, then they should be living somewhere more comfortable.

HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 13

CHEL: In order for this to actually work as stated, not only would the puppets have to appeal to everyone on the planet, but there would probably have to be a lot more people on the planet than there actually are. I’m pretty sure it’s an exaggeration for humour, but considering the inconsistencies with their income status as presented, it’s still a bit shaky.

It’s also worth another count, because this is basically a handwave to mean the characters presented aesthetically as poor are still as financially secure as is necessary for writing the scenes Hussie wants to:

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 6

If the comic was presented as a non-serious cartoon for the whole story, this would pass without comment, but when one’s trying to be dramatic and include real stakes, I think one needs to apply real stakes to everyday things too.

BRIGHT: Then again, it’s possible that their financial status is higher than the apartment would suggest, and Bro just chooses to spend his money on katanas and expensive equipment rather than upgrading. (And/or is lying to Dave about their income.) That might not be out of character given what we see of him later. But overall, this is a mess.

FAILURE ARTIST: Maybe the Smuppets is a money laundering business.

CHEL: A lot of people would read that fanfic.

The theory that the guardians knew the game was coming might explain why he chose to spend so much on swords, at least. He’d know Dave would need them. Not so much of an explanation for everything else though. Considering the weirdness that’s going on, I could imagine Bro not wanting attention drawn to it, but wouldn’t hiding weirdness be much harder in a flat than in a house set off some distance from neighbours?

For that matter, where’s John getting the money for movie memorabilia? Later reveals show the Egbert family originally came from money but they don’t seem to have that much to throw around now.

BRIGHT: Remember how Rose said earlier that she quite enjoyed Bro’s websites? I think that counts as a point for CALL CPA PLEASE…

FAILURE ARTIST: I question how pornographic the site really is. It might just literally be puppets being mashed together with no human body parts. A thirteen year old can surely see that.

BRIGHT: Fair point -- the page we see is teen-safe, at any rate.

CHEL: If it isn’t actually sexual, that possibly makes the supposed popularity level even sillier. Fetishists need constant fresh material and there are probably people who don’t have a specific puppet fetish who would ignore the puppets to look at the guy, but to keep up that level of popularity the viewers who don’t have a puppet fetish would have to keep finding it funny long after most people would think the joke had worn off. Both options say disturbing things about the world this comic is set in and their tastes in either pornography or humour. At least Veronica Chaos appears onscreen with her puppet… (Link contains no porn but you probably don’t want it on a work computer.)

For the record, I think Smuppets would actually make pretty bad sex toys. Plush is a porous material, so it would be hard to clean sticky substances out of it properly, and the phallic noses seem to be too floppy to use for penetration of a human orifice. Maybe that first point is why he brings in so much cash - the smuppets are single-use? People do use plush toys for masturbatory purposes, but usually when they can’t find anything else to use, specific fetishes for them being rare, and generally don’t use the soft parts as penetration toys.

Personally, I quite like the theory the kinkmeme brought up years ago; PlushRumps is actually an elaborate multimedia webcomic a la Homestuck itself. Now that I can see bringing in that much cash. Or possibly it just looks like this, which was made by the guy who wrote Thirty Hs (warning for eye injury and surreality): "Jumping!" (Watch on YouTube)

I could see Bro being that dude.

BRIGHT: And Dave admits, again, that he finds the puppet thing unsettling.

This is a pretty good depiction of someone trying to convince himself to be okay with something that freaks him out. He pesters John to distract himself from the puppets everywhere, and when he doesn’t get a response, he pesters Rose. And Hussie once again repeats the entire blinking pesterlog we read fifty pages ago instead of just linking back to it.

GET ON WITH IT!: 6

CHEL: Just occurred to me; why is Dave so bothered by the puppets? I can’t imagine that Bro suddenly started leaving them around when he hadn’t before - in fact, I believe a later flashback shows infant Dave using a Smuppet’s nose as a pacifier (eww, god I hope it was a freshly-made unused one). Dave really ought to be used to the things by now. Then again, now he’s reaching his teens, he’s probably old enough to start realising this is weird and creepy on a deeper level. But then that brings up the same problem we had with John; doesn’t he have any local friends he could have learned this from sooner? Though I could picture Bro not bothering to send him to school, and we do later learn there is quite possibly magic afoot in hiding the oddness of the Strider household. That’s a complicated theory and requires much more setup than we have here, though, so pin in that for later.

Also, the puppets thing counts for a point of ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?, and Dave is in fact the reason we created that count. A kid in Dave’s situation in real life would be messed up, but so would a kid in the situations of the others (or at least the girls), and Dave’s situation seems to be taken more seriously than theirs, at least later on.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 5

BRIGHT: Back to Rose, who’s beating John over the head with a box in a futile effort to get his attention. She eventually gives up and deploys another piece of equipment called a Punch Designix, using the Shale John collected. Since she doesn’t know what it does, she pesters John and asks him to experiment.

Unfortunately John has bigger problems to deal with: His garden is by this point overrun with imps, who are climbing on his tire swing and wearing his disguises. This is enough to snap him out of his Wayward Vagabond-induced state and get him to respond to Rose. They need to get those monsters off his pogo ride!

Fortunately, Rose is able to help by picking up the piano and dropping it on the imp. Less fortunately, the piano does not survive the experience. Neither does the imp.

The pogo ride seems fine, though.

John is reluctant to risk Nanna’s ghost cookies to go retrieve the grist, so Rose uses the pogo ride to transport it up to his room. Then she tells him to go find out what the Punch Designix does, while she works on building the house up to the gate. Apparently stairs cost a lot of grist to build. John makes a SBaHJ reference while Rose recoups the grist she used to build the catwalk earlier, sending an imp tumbling into the depths.

In the kitchen, Nannasprite has produced a lot of cookies. An imp tries to sneak one, and is blasted into grist by Nanna as a result.

John sets out on a hunt for imps and useful items, grabbing some shaving cream and his pogo ride, and launching his telescope out of the window. Amazingly, this proves relevant only a few pages later.

CHEL: Dad apparently keeps an entire cabinet filled with nothing but shaving cream. Rule of Funny, I know, but how fast does this guy’s beard grow?

BRIGHT: His living room is full of imps, who have taken a shine to the Cruxtruder and left cruxite dowels lying everywhere. Armed with hammer and shaving cream, John mounts his trusty steed and pogos his way to victory, which works amazingly well (read: works at all), until he slips on a cruxite dowel and lands flat on his back.

This is incredibly dangerous!

Acting on a polite prompt, John absconds into his Dad’s study, and Rose covers his retreat with the refrigerator, which levels up to FIVESTAR GENERAL ELECTRIC and earns 285 Boondollars.

Further extremely polite prompts ask John for a can opener. Despite the presence of two imps in the study with him, John stops to consider where to find one, while Rose takes out the imps with Dad’s safe. I don’t think that counts as HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING, though, since it’s clearly supposed to be the joke.

Back in the future, the Wayward Vagabond munches on a few pages from the etiquette book. Rose updates her GameFAQs walkthrough with a series of images of John’s house in the Medium. She does refer to Colonel Sassacre’s as racist in one of these, but it’s not really much of a rebuttal.

CHEL: She experiments with building a bit more on John’s house; ladders prove cheaper to build than stairs, albeit harder to use safely. John eventually stops contemplating can openers to examine the Punch Designix, while Rose answers Dave’s angry rant about being buried in Smuppets. I think this may be another point for ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY, because in the context of a kid ranting about his brother’s annoying hobby and his friend snarking back it’s hilarious, and it seems at this point to be presented as funny, but as discussed above the nature of Smuppets makes this rather creepy.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 6 TG: i am enrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis TG: an obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face TT: Let's put this into perspective. You put up with the puppet prostate because you love it.

Okay, this I think could be a point for CALL CPA PLEASE. A child probably would make fun of another child’s discomfort with non-consensually being surrounded by sex toys on the grounds of not knowing better, but it’s unsettling to read.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 2

John discovers there are codes on the backs of his captchalogue cards, which can be entered into the Punch Designix to make punch cards. Punching the captchalogue card itself renders the item irremovable from it, but the punch card can, he guesses, be used to recreate the item via the Totem Lathe and Alchemiter. Before he can test this, Rose hurls a bathtub through the wall to kill some nearby imps; to be fair, when he checks his PDA, he sees he missed a message from her warning him about it. He messages her back and she says the precarious staircase up to the gate is ready. John is nervous and asks why she didn’t build straight up through the hole in his dad’s bedroom ceiling.

EB: oh come on. what's the big deal, i'll just climb up and go right through! TT: Will you? EB: yeah, why not? TT: Are you saying you've never wondered what's in there? Or why it's been kept a secret from you? EB: well, i mean yeah... TT: Then trust me. You won't be going "right on through." EB: wait, are you saying there's something, like... EB: troubling in there? TT: I don't know. EB: what do you mean? what do you see in there? TT: I can't see in there. EB: oh. TT: But I don't have a very good feeling about it. EB: pfff... EB: whatever! EB: i think i can handle a few more stupid clown paintings.

Well, that’s ominous.

Examining the destroyed safe, John finds a book about shaving, several old newspaper clippings about meteor strikes, and a much older copy of Colonel Sassacre’s book, possibly the one involved in the mysterious accident which caused Nanna’s death. Behind where the safe was, he finds an empty captchalogue card and a proud fatherly note from Dad, praising him for now being strong enough to lift the safe; presumably intended for several years in the future at least, since the safe is big enough to fit John inside it. The note further explains that John is now entitled to the contents of the safe, and provides the now-useless combination for the lock. Further sylladex shenanigans launch Sassacre’s book, killing an imp, and John heads up the stairs, but slips. As he precariously clings on, the hands and jester’s motley of something much, much bigger than the imps start to emerge from the chasm...

Cut back to Dave, still searching for the beta and/or his brother, finding only that one of Bro’s swords is missing. A brief shadowy flash takes the second sword from the wall too.

You know this drill all too well. Trouble's a brewin'.

Dave heads for the door, finding one of Bro’s “ironic” comics pinned to it. The comic in question:

Erm.

TIER: Now that is, as the folks would say, unsettling.

FAILURE ARTIST: This is another work that Hussie created pre-Homestuck and decided to add. It was part of this drawing battle on a forum.

CHEL: It took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that was supposed to be Kermit. I was seeing it as a teddy bear, with the spiral cheeks as eyes and the eyes as ears.

TIER: . . . I was “literally just now” years old when I realized that was supposed to be Kermit.

BRIGHT: Ditto!

CHEL: Me too, actually, it was after I saw it while posting it here. Before I thought it was Fozzie, drawn even worse than the rest of the comic.

Dave is fairly mellow about the comic as compared to his reaction to the puppets, but thinks that he “[doesn’t] need to see this shit right now”. It looks like something a kid his age would either draw themselves or like (I know I would have loved it), but having things like this pasted randomly about your house would definitely be unsettling even so. He understands it as further irony, and thinks Bro is trying to annoy him with it as “some weird gauntlet he's throwing down to see if you will "GET IT"”.

Worse than the comics, however, is what’s in the kitchen. Weapons are piled up on every counter and the sink is full of fireworks. Dave considers this “awesome”, the implication again being that this has been normal for his whole life. He’s really lucky he’s a cartoon character, there’s no way a real kid would still be alive here. When he turns on the blender, a green puppet in it is shredded to pieces, releasing fake blood; inside the eye socket of a Jigsaw puppet on top of the microwave is a webcam, broadcasting the incident. Okay, again, we need to consider how “pornographic” PlushRumps actually is to determine whether this is a problem. Videos of a kid shredding a puppet are harmless in and of themselves. If it’s actually being marketed as fetish material… ew. Dave appears just as unsettled by this as I am, enough so to behead the cam-puppet, so the implications aren’t good.

More Smuppets spill out of the microwave, and then we go back into fucking sylladex shenanigans as Dave tries to collect every dangerous object in the room

GET ON WITH IT!: 7

Distracted by same, Dave fails to notice a silhouetted figure which is presumably his brother appearing briefly behind him, dropping Cal on the stovetop, and disappearing. Dave’s expression doesn’t change on seeing it but he literally leaps a foot in the air. Poor kid, that is freaky. We also discover why Dave had juice in his closet way back; Bro uses the fridge as storage space for swords instead of comestibles, and cherry bombs in the icemaker.

… Okay, where does Bro keep his own food? Both humorously and actually abusive/neglectful guardians still require energy intake, you know. There are later hints that Bro himself is someone’s puppet, but only in the figurative sense.

TIER: Dude probably has spots around the apartment to stash stuff, like how Dave has apple juice hidden away in his closet.

Figuring out how seriously we're supposed to be taking things can get tricky, especially with the Big Thing way later on in the comic putting earlier events in a new light upon rereading (well, mostly just stuff related to Dave).

CHEL: And if we are supposed to take it seriously, how the fuck is Dave alive? A real kid in this situation wouldn’t have lived long enough to be traumatised.

[polandspringz]

Killing was never easy, not for me anyway With whomever comes to mind for it?

Okay, so I started this back in May, but didn’t touch it for three months and just sort of banged out the second half of it last night at 3 AM, so it might read a little jarring. This prompt was part of the “First Sentence” writing prompts, so I had to start with the line, although it won’t make much sense until later in the story. I decided to write about my gen:LOCK OC Yolanda and her trying to distract herself a few days after she had to kill Union soldiers in battle, and the perspective shifts and the way she’s thinking is rooted in my own habits of narrating things, so I apologize if it’s confusing.

If you want to read about Yolanda and where she exists in the gen:LOCK universe, click here for my profile about her!

Killing was never easy, not for me anyway.

“Hey, Cameron!” 

The tech-whiz kid visibly stiffened as the high pitched voice bellowed from down the hall. The walls of the Anvil carried it and the sound of clicking heels as the older girl raced at her, one hand cupped over her mouth as she waved her arm wildly, some sort of fabric scrap in her hand. This was the sixth time this week that the pink-haired woman had approached her like this, and it was only Wednesday.

As the footsteps got closer, Cammie eventually turned around, sighing as she braced herself to be slammed by exuberance. Sure enough, she opened her eyes to find a bright white smile and lime green eyes smirking at her through her bubbling energy.

“Yolanda, I told you already-”

“This isn’t about that! I listened to what you said and talked to Dr. Weller about it, so that’s all good-”

“-not to call me Cameron-”

“-but I wanted to get your measurements so I could sew something for you! I finished up my gift for Miranda, so I was hoping you would let me design for you next!”

Cammie winced as she thought about the previous designs Yolanda had dished out. While they were pretty, in their own way, their practicality during a time of war was debatable, and Cammie had a hard time wondering what the Colonel would say if she tried to send them out on the battlefield. She tried her best to look busy with whatever she could yank up on her display and gave her best fake smile.

“Oh… Well, while that’s nice, Yolanda, you shouldn’t waste your fabric on me, or any of us, for that matter! We can’t really change out of our suits so-”

I knew what she meant. I watched the two of us interacting from afar, and could see myself from above flailing to get her to listen to me, to tell her it was no trouble at and that if she would just see my sketches, that I promised I could make her something special.

I ended up slumping away from that, my heels clicking away, and the fog in my mind persisted, and I felt my soul float up and overtop me once more as I made my way disheartendly back to the dorm and my sewing machine.

Valentina heard the door clicking open before Yolanda’s hand even fell on the doorknob. Or perhaps it was her heels down the hall, that even though Valentina insisted on wearing something similar, never sounded as obnoxious as their own. They pushed themselves off the bed and stood up, leaving the other person grumbling as they went.

“Just stay there, Yolanda is coming in.”

Kazu groaned something intelligible in Japanese, to the point that the tech in their eyes couldn’t even translate it. Valentina sighed and rolled their eyes, yanking the blanket overtop of Kazu’s form just as the door opened.

“Oh, Valentina…” Yolanda sounded nervous, which was weird, for starters. There were only a handful of occasions that Valentina could cite that didn’t start with Yolanda bursting into a room with some high and mighty laugh and began to harass all of them. They tried not to look alarmed, and instead popped one hip as they waited for the girl to come in all the way.

“Did you need something?”

“Oh, I was just going to sew something again, but if you’re in here I can take my machine and go elsewhere-” 

The girl had stumbled over to the desk and began picking up her tool belt with shaking hands, all the while Valentina’s eyes followed her across the room and back towards the door. 

The dumb machine is so heavy. I can hardly lift it with my wrists, but if I take too long, Valentina will get annoyed or think I’m weak. I need to hurry and-

A pair of scissors leapt out of the belt as she hurriedly jostled it towards her waist. Valentina swooped in and caught the blades expertly before Yolanda could flail and cut herself or drop it on her foot, which was vulnerable somewhat through the suit she wore. They regarded the blades for a moment, the rusted and scratched up state of the dulling blades, before handed them handle first to the girl.

“Try and be careful,” was all they said before the picked up the sewing machine with ease, “Do you have a cart or were you planning on carrying this by yourself?” 

“Oh, uh, well! If you handle it to me I can carry it, I promise! No need to worry, but if you’re offering then I really don’t- Oomph!” 

Yolanda blinked and the machine was thrust into her hands, Valentina walking back towards the bed, flopping down beside the blanketed form of Kazu. Yolanda tried to ignore the pain in her wrists and she shuffled through the door. 

“Is she gone yet?” Kazu’s voice registered and translated itself on the display in her eyes. 

The door slammed shut behind me. It took me a moment to clear my mind and walk forward, but I can confidently say that I was okay!

She narrated to herself even as her lips trembled, her face growing red as she tried to hold it all in. No, go back to the angry but sadly optimistic stuff. She shook her head and forced a determined smile, and if her hands were free she would’ve pumped a fist to psyche herself up.

I staggered out of the dorm, waddling from the weight of the machine. Thankfully my scissors had been away before Valentina had given me the machine, or something bad might have happened. 

But, it’s okay. So I can’t sew in the dorm? So what? Or should it be, sew what? Chase would hate that pun. But, it’s not just my dorm. There’s got to be plenty of places I can I’ll just go to the lab. Dr. Weller will let me sit in there and sew. He’s done it before. Surely he’ll understand-

“Watch where you’re going with that thing!” She barely had a moment to register that she had banged into someone before she was stumbling backwards, then forwards, and then she was tumbling towards the ground, her hands flying wildly, the machine leaping from her hold to crash against the concrete floor.

“I’m sorry!” She yelped just before the sound of springs and metal exploded in her ears and her machine popped apart right in front of her face. It had bounced a few feet, but the force had sent it colliding straight for death, and she could see the mess that had fallen on the floor. She was not looking so hot either, as-

My sewing shears had flown out of my pocket and slid across the ground to be beside the trashed machine. My bobbins and thread, they wrapped around me, my thimbles were rolling by my eyes, and my spare needles and pins had fired out of their casing and were stabbing my elbow and my cheek. If I wasn’t so lucky, they might’ve poked my eye out.

She forced herself up from the floor to kneel, and without a word or anything said to the spectators, she went about picking up the pieces of her fallen work. She grabbed the shears and sliced through all the string that had tied itself into a bundle, and made quick work of tucking it all back into the pockets of the tool belt. The case for the needles was gone, so she threaded them into the canvas fabric of the thing and then went about scooping up the gears and coils that had rocketed out of the machine like a jack-in-the-box. When she actually got close to the machine, however…

“Yolanda, are you okay?” Chase was leaning over her, his hologram staring at her concerned.

“Oh, what? Of course I am! Just a little stumble.”

“But, your machine-”

Don’t let him see. Don’t let him see, “This old thing? I’ve dropped it so many times, much worse too, it’s no big deal! I can fix it in a few minutes, once I find a spot to set up. I’ll be back to making outfits for Caliban to wear in no time!”

He seemed assuaged by that, as he straightened up as Yolanda pulled the broken thing onto her lap to hold, “I’m glad to hear that. I was worried for a moment. Leon saw you fall, so he paged me. Apparently the others were too busy, but I’m faster anyway,” his eyes gazed around at the remaining screws and other machinery that was still on the ground, “Sorry that I can’t help you pick this stuff up.”

“No, no, it’s okay! Really.” That’s it. Force your best smile. It’ll all be-

“Are you really okay though? Leon said you seemed kind of down.”

You idiot! Hurry up and move past him! Get going before he sees- “Me? Down? Does he know who he’s talking about?”

“I saw you leave your dorm looking distressed. I figured it was a gL team issue so I didn’t want to get involved right away,” Leon said, walking over, “But hearing you say sorry after knocking into someone? Yolanda, I never knew you had those words in you.”

Leon folded his arms and stood beside the Chase, looking down at her. 

“He does have a point. You seem rather… polite, no offense though. Are you positive nothing is up?” 

“Yeah, normally by now, you would be calling us names or demanding we bow down and help you. I picked these up for you, by the way,” Leon said, holding a broken off piece of plastic from the machine’s thread guides in his gloved hand.

She took it and tucked it away before standing with the machine wrapped tightly in her arms. Her face was getting hot, and she knew it was apparent by the two’s expressions, but she forced herself to remain calm.

“Of course I’m fine! Just trying to find a decent place to sew around here! I’m going to the lab. Chase, I know you live there, but if you’re going to bother me please don’t return there while I’m working. I’ll be there all night, at most. And you don’t need to sleep anyway, right?”

That was a low blow, even for me. She pushed through the two of them with her head bowed, and when she reached the elevator and heard Chase calling after her, she bolted inside, shutting the door and letting the platform ascend to the third floor. Now that she was alone…

Once I was alone inside the elevator, I found myself circling back to Valentina and Kazu. It a shared room, yes, but I haven’t sewn in there for weeks, and there was no reason for them to be so rude about it all, what with slamming the door closed and all-

There was still a little bit of time before the elevator would shift and the door would open, so she set the broken machine down and pressed her hands against her face. I’m feeling hot, I’m probably all puffy and red. This won’t do. She sucked in a deep breath and smacked her cheeks twice, trying to calm herself down, but her eyes kept stinging. I couldn’t allow myself to cry. I don’t want anyone to think I’m upset now, do I?

I need to think about something different. This elevator ride is long, the Anvil should really add some music…

As the door opened and she shimmied the machine back into her arms, she let herself become consumed in her internal discussion about which classic J-Pop song would work the best for the rides. Something from the 2000s or 2010s, she said as she felt herself returning to her usual self, PonPonPon maybe. I’m sure Kazu would get a kick out of it. She rounded the big window that stretched on the wall outside the ESU, her heels clicking along the polished tile, she felt a smirk stretch across her face, her eyes crinkling with pride as she shook her head and let her pink hair tickle against the nape of her neck. Her long elegant strides carried her through the doorway and into the main part of the lab, where she heard voices echoing.

“I’m telling you Doctor-”

“And I’m telling you, Colonel, that I am not allowing-”

“Hello, Rufus!” Yolanda interrupted with a cheery voice, waving one hand slightly from where it was buried underneath the weight of the machine, “Do you mind if I sew?”

I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that the two of them were very much in a meeting right now. I could see as clear as day the fact that the Colonel was appearing in person in the ESU instead of mixing in as a hologram or summoning the Doctor upstairs to her office. However, I needed this. Dr. Weller would never say no to me, I knew that-

“Oh, Yolanda! I’m sorry, could you wait a bit? I’m a bit occupied at the moment with the Colonel,” His eyes glanced at the woman twice for emphasis, and Yolanda couldn’t deny that she was pierced by some form of annoyance even though the Doctor masked it behind a kind smile.

No… I found myself thinking, no… he can’t say-

“Merriweather. You heard the Doctor. Leave us.” The Colonel demanded. Yolanda was frozen in her tracks.

“Ah, but I thought that-”

“This is the ESU, a lab meant to advance gen:LOCK technology. You shouldn’t even be bringing your hobbies inside of here, as it will only get in the way. You have a dorm for that. Now, go.”

“Colonel, that’s a little harsh, don’t you think? I’m sure she means no harm?”

Yolanda’s mind was spinning, complete radio silence buzzing in her head as she struggled to find the words, to spin something together. Luckily, her face and vocal chords went on autopilot, and her muscles shifted into her trademark grin as she backed out of the lab flashing a peace sign at them.

“You’re right! So sorry! I shouldn’t have barged in like that, forgive me!”

She could see from Dr. Weller’s face, that she had said something wrong. She crossed the threshold and felt panic rising in her. He was looking at her sympathetically, brow furrowed as he watched her. 

What did I say, oh god, what did I say? Her words had sounded like mush in her own brain, but the Colonel seemed pleased by them, because she turned back and continued addressing the Doctor. Yolanda kept slowly backing away until she was around the corner again and back in front of the elevator. Just before she stepped in, she glanced back through the large window, and froze.

Chase’s eyes were open and watching her from the tank. 

I dropped the machine with a crash and bolted into the elevator. The doors closed before I could see if any heads turned their way at me.

Probably not. I didn’t matter anyway.

She wasn’t even two seconds into her elevator ride to who knows where when Chase appeared behind her. Yolanda let out a scream as she jumped and slammed her back into the buttons, adding to the confusion on which floor they were traversing. Chase merely folded his arms and stared her down.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, but honestly, there’s something wrong and you have to talk to at least one of us about it.”

“What are you on about?! There’s nothing wrong!” She snapped as she turned away, folding her arms. 

“Yeah, as if you apologizing once and curling into a ball wasn’t enough, you apologized twice. Plus, you’ve been super jumpy all day.”

“I have not been jumpy.”

“You just left your sewing machine on the floor of the ESU’s hall. I’m pretty sure it’s in even bigger shambles than it was earlier, when you dropped it the moment you accidentally banged into somebody. Now, look, you can talk to me. What’s up?”

I watched the numbers fall lower and lower on the elevator’s display. We were going to the hangar, it seems. The basement even-

“Hey,” Chase’s hand brushed against her, causing soft sparks to erupt along her shoulder as the hexagonal display forced itself around the solid it was cutting through, “You’ve been doing that a lot. Out of your head now. We’re in our brains too much in those crazy Holons.”

Yolanda leaned against the elevator wall and twisted her body, her legs almost crossing as she hugged herself tightly, “That’s the point of them, Chase.”

“You think I don’t know that? I’m not dumb, and I know you know that. I also know, from what Yaz tells me about that mindshare you guys did a few days ago, that you think way too much. We’re outside now. We gotta use classic words to communicate.”

The door to the elevator dinged open, leading to an empty concrete space. Unless she turned around a hit another button, and risked being subjected to another music-less elevator ride with her interrogator, this would have to do.

I sighed and gave him a glare, waving my hand so he backed off. I could have easily walked through him but-

“Hey,” Chase reminded her as he tapped his finger against his head. She sighed again, shoulders slumping as she stepped out into the tunnels.

“Alright, fine. I thought about walking through you but that seemed rude, so I did that. Happy?”

“Not really. I will be when you tell me what’s wrong, though.”

“UGH!” She screamed as she clawed at her face, throwing her head back in frustration, “Nothing’s wrong! Nothing that any of you would even care about is wrong! We’re in the military, my petty problems about my machine breaking and being unable to find a place to sew don’t matter! You heard the Colonel! My hobbies should be in the dorm, but unfortunately, Valentina and Kazu didn’t really want me disturbing them right now! I wanted to make something for Cammie because I was starting to feel really good for once even though I haven’t been sleeping, but she didn’t want it either!”

“So you haven’t been sleeping. Yaz had a feeling about that.”

“Like I said, that’s not a problem, oh my ga-awd!” Yolanda drawled out as she began to storm down one of the tunnels. Chase quickly teleported in front of her.

“Now, hold on-”

“It doesn’t matter what Yasamin said, okay? We tried to mindshare, and it fell apart. It was a complete failure, so whatever she gleaned from that was probably corrupted or whatever.”

“Yeah, well, she said it failed because the amount of information you were giving off was too much to handle. She was getting too much from your head, she couldn’t decipher anything that was happening. She said it was like reading a novel or something. What’s up with that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, tube boy.” Yolanda hissed as she sped past him so more, trying to shove him out of the way but instead her arm sliced through him, almost at the exact spot his real body ended at, to add insult to injury. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care, I just wanted to get away from-

Chase continued to reform every few feet so he was next to her face as she stormed off.

“That’s another thing too. Sure, on a good day you’re a bit harsh, but you would never say shit like that to me. There’s got to be something seriously bugging you if you’re pulling out these sorts of jokes.”

“They’re not jokes! Okay?! Just leave me alone!” This wasn’t good, my composure’s shattering, she thought, the words spinning in her head making it easier for her to steel her expression even as tears welled up and her face grew puffy.

“Look, I’ve been locked in that tank- or tube, if that’s what we’re calling it now-  for a long time. I think I get what you’re going through, you’re narrating in your head, right?”

“Just, stop! Stop, stop, stop! Okay?!”

“Although I did it to help me pass the time, I realized with the help of the Doc and Yaz that it was something else. Depression. Something’s affecting you right now too, isn’t it? Well, it’s not going to get better unless you open up a bit.”

“It’s nothing-!”

“It’s the soldier, isn’t it?” Yaz’s voice cut through the echoey chamber of the place, and Yolanda froze. Standing in front of the elevator, the young woman stood patiently, “I may not have been able to get much out of that chaotic mindshare, but I know that I got plenty of fear from it. Your emotions were spiking, but you were keeping them under control with your words, giving feedback on every single motion you did to what was going on in front of your eyes. It was a lot to process.”

She walked forward and after the string of silence stretched out, she reached for Yolanda’s hand, holding it surrounded by her own.

“You weren’t here when we all arrived, but everyone else saw something terrifying their first time. Right after Kazu, Valentina, and Cammie suited up, they watched a Union spy die from being incompatible. Then, Cammie had her head torn off by that Union mech. I-” Yasamin swallowed, “I may not show it, but every Union soldier we swat away, send flying to their death or shoot down from their jet, I always have to stop myself from overthinking because… I know there’s a chance there’s someone I once knew inside there.”

Yolanda stood there, frozen for a few more seconds as Yasamin’s words sunk in. Chase’s presence was comforting beside her as well. Even though she had been rude to them too since she got here, they had been the most understanding of her plight, and the least bothered by her haughtiness. She slowly let herself be lulled by Yaz’s confession-

But then she felt the tears on her face and her strength came back to her and she pulled away harshly, her hand smacking away Yaz’s as she looked at the woman with disgust almost, “How dare you think you understand me. I’m not upset in the slightest. I always wanted to join the military, I knew what I was getting into-”

“You joined it to develop technology, clothing- you didn’t sign up for battle-”

“I knew it would happen eventually, okay?! I’m not an idiot… “ She turned away, rubbing her eyes so they couldn’t see, and yet, she felt herself spilling, “I get it… I’m not the best person to be around, I’m terrible, no way around it. I can’t hold my tongue ever, and in times like this, I just get panicked and I just became meaner and meaner, and worse and worse. I’m spoiled, and I don’t like it that everyone here is so content with how things are. I’m not. I’m not happy in the slightest. I wasn’t happy when I left for England, I’m not happy that I’m back. I don’t know where I want to be frank, I just know that this isn’t the world I was meant to be in.”

She thought she heard Yasamin’s gasp, but Yolanda kept going.

“That soldier… He wasn’t a drone… He wasn’t mindless… They screamed for help when I smashed them into the ground… I… I didn’t mean to be that strong, I didn’t mean to do it that roughly… I just didn’t know how to stop him and it was my first time in battle with that Holon and the necks of people are so small and our hands are so big then and underneath my feet I thought about how many people I had trampled accidentally that evening and I just-”

At long last, her legs gave out and she felt all the pieces of her break, spilling out onto the floor like the machine she had dropped earlier. She was thankful none of them tried to hug her, as they weren’t that close and while Chase physically couldn’t, Yasamin settled on giving her a simple hand on the shoulder as they both waited for her to finish. 

When her breathing had been reduced to mere hiccups, and her words slurred to simple angry comments at herself for being so uncouth, (crying in a tunnel underneath the military base, like, who I am?) Yasamin gave her a gentle smile.

“Killing isn’t easy for any of us. We all find our own ways to deal with it. Cammie and Kazu treat it like a video game, Valentina knows what those people are capable of, and stays back so they don’t have to hear or see the lives they’re taking. Chase and I-”

“We get up close, because we know that it’s the only way we can take back what they took for us.”

“-Yes. You just have to find your own way.”

Yolanda sniffled and thought for a moment, hands balled up on her knees as she felt her feet slipping along the floor.

“Does it have to be something on the battlefield? I don’t think that’ll work.”

“No, I suppose it doesn’t. You’ll need to be calm afterwards so you can download, so-”

“Then,” Yolanda sat up, feeling strength come back into her even as she felt more vulnerable than she had before, “then, can I sew you something?”

“What?”

“I tried to ask Cammie but she said no, and Kazu and Valentina were busy so I didn’t want to bother them but I’ve thought of designs of things for you guys and even though I know we won’t get much use out of it all I wanted to try making stuff and I stayed up late the other night because it helped calm me down and-”

“Alright, alright, alright. I’ll let you, but no guarantees I’ll actually wear it. Now, let’s go back up, shall we?”

“We’re going to have to fix your machine first though,” Chase added.

“And we will need to talk to the others,” Yaz said, helping Yolanda to her feet, “It will be important in improving our connection to you.”

“You may be a member of gen:LOCK 2, but until we find more compatible people, you’re part of our team.”

Yolanda managed not to cry as she let Yaz support her with an arm slung over her shoulders and a hand on her waist, supporting her as her legs had gone weak with the sudden exhaustion brought on by crying.

“So, what’s the to do list? Machine, sewing, dinner, group talk, then I can give you guys my gifts?”

“Actually, it’s sleep, then we have the talk. Fixing the machine and sewing come last.”

“Sleep?”

“We’ll kick Valentina and Kazu out. We don’t know when we’ll have another attack, and you need to be in your best form if we want to try mindsharing again.”

“Okay,” was all Yolanda managed as they reached their floor and walked out. 

Yolanda easily fell into slumber after Yaz and Chase managed to extract the other two from the dorm. Unbeknownst the girl, they called Cammie and everyone to the lab where they spoke to Weller about what they had been told. Although no one was really surprised, and Valentina certainly felt no guilt towards whatever had been happening (“It was her choice to bottle it up”) and Cammie continued to feel annoyed at the girl (“She’s mean spirited. I doubt she actually cried that hard,”) Chase was the one who managed to convince them all to settle down and work on including Yolanda more in their lives on the Anvil.

“We all managed to click from spending all of time together. Maybe she’s still mean spirited because she doesn’t feel connected to any of you guys yet, and doesn’t want to intrude.”

“A wall, I certainly agree,” Dr. Weller added from where he tinkered with the broken mish-mosh of metal and plastic that had been dropped outside the lab, “I’ve spoken with her a few times alone, she would genuinely like to get to know you all.”

When Yolanda woke up, she went into the dorm bathroom and washed her face as she tried to get whatever blotchiness still remained off. Yesterday was embarrassing, she was completely out of character and let herself be too weak, she thought. It was one thing to be giddy about a design, it was another to spill your guts out to two strangers you hardly knew. 

It was late, according to her watch, but Yolanda had never been one for rules. Breaking the curfew, she strolled down the halls to where she assumed her machine had been dumped off at, after that second drop she assumed no one else would recognize it as anything other than trash, but couldn’t find it near there. She traced her way back up to the ESU, finding a few screws on the ground by the elevator, but no signs. Carefully, seeing Caliban was still circulating while Chase rested, the jazz music playing through the open door into the hall, she snuck inside, looking around the lab for another clue.

Her eyes landed on the rebuilt machine, covered in sticky notes of different colors with a message from each member.

I spotted your designs when I went to tinker at the desk earlier, I liked that jumper with the rabbit ears! - Cammie

It may not be sewing, but you could design something for me in the Ether maybe. -Val

The design with the studs wasn’t too bad… -Kazu. This one was in Japanese, but the tech in her contacts easily altered it for her.

Same thing Val said, I may be pretty dressed down in the other world, but it wouldn’t hurt to get a bit more fashion oriented. -Chase

The embroidery you started was beautiful. I look forward to seeing the finished product. -Yaz

Chase and I could always use the company, don’t let what the Colonel said get you down. You’re welcome anytime she isn’t around. It’ll be our secret. But hey, maybe if you make something for her too, she’ll be more receptive. -Dr. Weller.

She smiled down at the last one, noticing the way he had underlined his signature. She knew she was pushing it calling him Rufus, but it was too fun not to be see where she could get the Doc to crack. Sure, she may have broken down earlier today, but like Yaz said, they all had done something like that at one point or another, so it wasn’t weird. Besides, she couldn’t keep going around apologizing and being sappy. That just wasn’t her. 

She felt a mischievous smile come to her as a new design idea began to bloom. Eagerly, she sat down and flipped over one of the post-its, pulling out a pen as she quickly sketched. 

She hadn’t even thought about doing something for Leon, yet. She would have to come up with something extra gaudy to make him forget her pitiful state from earlier today, she grinned.