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freshlyjuicedbeetles · 5 years

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Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century Fanfiction

Meet the Family

Sherbeth

Holmes meets the Lestrade family.

Sherlock Holmes would admit to rarely feeling nervous. He had stared down James Moriarty numerous times, fallen from great heights and found himself in life-threatening situations on an almost regular basis and never bat an eye at it. The situation he currently found himself in was not like any he had found himself in and he was a bit anxious.

Having been courting Beth for almost a year, it was time to make the trek to meet her family in America. Holmes had spoken to most of her immediate family previously, her parents, her twin brother and her grandfather, the Lestrade family patriarch via holophone but they were not the ones who concerned him. He was being introduced to the entire Lestrade family, aunts and cousins at a family dinner at her grandfather’s house, in Holmes’ honor. Beth explained to him that he was sort of a mythic hero to the family, his cases told to the younger generations like fairytales and how Gregory Lestrade worked right alongside the famous detective.

While he does own the infamous Inverness and deerstalker, that is decidedly ‘country wear’ for him. He had to wonder if he needed to pull out those iconic items just for the family. Holmes always dresses smartly; a finely tailored suit and tie are his staples while conveying an anachronism. His pocket squares always accent the color of his tie and his black leather shoes are always shined to perfection.

“Should I bring these?” Holmes asked as they packed, holding a brown deerstalker and matching Inverness with a gold clasp and buckles on the sleeves.

Beth cackled, “First, you’ll swelter in the heat. Second, they know you’re not the character the world knows. Just be yourself.”

Holmes never felt compelled to live up to his literary caricature, not that he believed that that was what the family was expecting, but when you are meeting your significant other’s family who seem to have a high regard for you, you feel a tad nervous regardless. Not only that, but this was the family he had put in charge of his final wish, to be reanimated. If the process went sideways, he feared that anyone else would not be objective enough to know when it was time to reinter him. He couldn’t express how grateful and indebted he felt. Still waters run deep within the great detective and he steeled his nerves. Sherlock Holmes had other matters to worry about during this holiday.

Inspector Gregory Lestrade’s great-grandson, Andrew left London and moved to America where he started a family. The Lestrade family still resides in the same city Andrew settled in. Policing was a strong tradition in the family, with Beth’s great grandmother, grandfather, father, brother and forefathers and foremothers working with the local police department.

Holmes and Lestrade had flown from London early in the morning. Beth spent most of the flight asleep on his shoulder. He with noise-canceling earbuds, listening to an audiobook. Matt left a car for them at the airport. Once Holmes stepped out of the air-conditioned building, the oppressive heat and humidity of Beth’s home state assaulted him, despite the night air. Beth wasn’t too keen on going back home during the summer months, saying that the weather was one of the reasons she left. This was the only time she could get enough time off work to do so.

“How do you stand such weather? I feel as though I need gills just to breathe!” Holmes complained.

Beth laughed, “You’ll get used to it. Wait until its noon and it's one hundred plus degrees, then you can complain. Ever see a tornado, Holmes?” She teased.

“I’d rather not.”

As Beth drove, she pointed out local interests; this place is where famous so and so got their start, someone of prominence died right there. They left the small metropolis and drove on a dark, rural skyway dotted with houses, cemeteries, farms and the county water tower. After a twisty skylane lined with the tops of trees, a small burg emerged.

“I wrecked my first car there. Totaled it. Wasn’t my fault.”

“That place has the best cheesecake.”

“That’s Grandpa’s house,”

“I had my prom here,”

Beth dropped the speed as they pulled into a neighborhood and a home at the center of the cul-de-sac. Matt’s car was in the driveway, no less too excited to meet the great detective to wait until the dinner.

“Ready?” Beth asked.

Holmes beamed confidently, “My dear, you make it sound as though I am meeting my judge, jury, and executioner.”

Beth made a face that cast doubt on that logic. He may be Sherlock Holmes, but he was still the man dating their daughter/sister/niece. He needed to live up to their standards.

They walked in and the sleeping home sprung to life. Matt and her father David, previously asleep on the couch and recliner in front of the tv jolted awake at the sound of the door opening.

“Beth?!” Tresa Lestrade called from the hall, eager to see her daughter. Tresa was a sprite of a woman, short and petite with brown hair and warm brown eyes.

An old brown, greying boxer with floppy jowls named Stewart hid conspicuously behind the couch, warily watching this new human. His stranger danger alarms were going off.

Matt scrambled from the couch to Holmes and Lestrade. “Oh my god, you’re really him! Holy shit, dude!” he gushed, “I mean, yeah, I’ve talked to you on the phone but gah! You’re really here! Can I get a selfie, an autograph? Oh my god, this is so cool! Hey, so about that Red-Headed League plot hole…”

“Matt, calm down. You’re going to have a heart attack,” Beth chided, “Sorry about him, I think that cage training isn’t working,” She teased her twin. He was so awestruck by Holmes that he let it slide.

Holmes smiled good-naturedly, shaking Matt’s hand, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person.”

“Out of the way, out of the way, shoo!” Tresa urged, trying to get to her daughter, pushing her son and the 250-year-old detective.

She hugged Beth tightly, showering her with kisses, “You need to come around more! I can’t go so long without seeing you!”

“I know, mom, I know.”

David Lestrade joined his family at the door. David was a tall, burly man with more salt than pepper hair and beard, “It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Holmes. I’d never thought I’d ever get to see you standing, let alone in my own doorway.” He said, offering his hand.

Holmes took it, “Yes, I do owe your family an abundance of gratitude. I would not be here today without you all. I simply cannot express it.” Holmes was struck by how much David looked like a larger Gregory Lestrade.

Tresa turned to Holmes, “I’m speechless. It’s really you.”

“You have a lovely home, madam.”

“She’s cleaned, like, all day for you guys,” Matt said.

Tresa laughed, “Well, on that note, I’m going back to bed. Matt, can you grab their bags, please? Put them in Beth’s old room. Beth, I’m sure you can show Mr. Holmes around from here?”

“Please, call me Sherlock.”

“You’ll have to give them time, something about showing proper respect and whatnot,” Beth said.

“Why do you still call him Holmes?” Matt argued.

Beth shrugged, “Force of habit. Hafta on the job though.”

“Whatever,” Matt said dismissively as he and David carried in the luggage.

Matt stretched and groaned like a Yeti, “Yeah, I’m going to bed, too. Night.”

“Don’t you have a place of your own?” Beth jeered.

“Yeah, I don’t feel like driving back only to come back in a few hours,” Matt answered simply.

“You live, like, five miles from here. You just want to hang out with Sherlock, you nerd!”

“I’m a nerd!? You’re dating him! What does that make you?”

“Kids!” David barked.

Holmes was enjoying the comedic scene in front of him. The Lestrade residence was so different than his own growing up. It felt like a library where you couldn’t speak. Here, it was lively. It truly was a home.

Matt grumbled as he stalked off down the hall. David turned to his daughter. David hugged Beth, their foreheads touching, “Oh how I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Dad.”

David regarded his daughter for a moment, then Holmes and followed Tresa to bed.

“I’m sure you noticed the elephant in the room; Stewart over there trying to hide. He’s a few bulbs short of a full Christmas tree. He’s friendly but a doofus.”

Holmes slowly approached the dog. When he was at a respectful distance, he offered his hand. Stewart sniffed it and promptly sneezed into his hand.

Beth howled with laughter as Holmes cleaned his hand with a kerchief.

“C’mon, I’m beat.” Beth said, leading Holmes to their room for their stay.

It wasn’t lost on Beth that her childhood idol was now sharing her childhood bedroom with her. Most of her things had long since been packed away and sent to London, leaving little trace of a young Beth Lestrade who spent hours reading Watson’s journals, the published casebooks or watching anything Holmes related. Now, it was simply a guest bedroom with neutral bedding and accents. The garish red walls that Beth begged to be painted when she was fourteen was covered up by Tresa as soon as possible.

Pictures of the family dotted the room; on the desk was a replica of a daguerreotype of Inspector Gregory Lestrade himself. The senior pictures of Matt and Beth framed the window; Matt with an aw-shucks grin in blue jeans and his letterman’s jacket and Beth, her hair and makeup expertly done, in a blue dress. Her eyes, even then, soul-piercing, could make you confess your mortal sins.

Matt and Beth’s childhood and teenage trophies remained. Countless awards of varying sizes, colors and shapes stood on a bookcase by the door; Beth’s for karate and gymnastics, Matt’s for American football.

In the dark room, the lovers turned to face each other in bed, legs intertwining under the sheets. They whispered as to not wake the family.

“You’ve never told me what your parents were like.”

Holmes shrugged, caressing Lestrade’s arm with the tips of his fingers, watching goosebumps arise. “There’s nothing much to say, really. They were both teachers and strict authoritarians. They were firm believers in the ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ method. Once, when I was a young lad, eight or nine years of age or so, I punched Mycroft in the face, knocking out one of his teeth. Mother shut me in a closet and promptly forgot about me until morning.”

“Jeez, Holmes, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about, my dear. I bear no resentment for them. Mycroft and I both knew we were loved, though the sentiment was rarely uttered. We were not abused and rarely went without. Our parents simply had their own way of doing things.”

“I once punched a boy who had been teasing me and Dad took me out for ice cream as a reward. Okay, what about Mycroft?” Lestrade asked.

“I suppose you can say we had the typical older brother/younger brother relationship. He found me annoying and to be a burden. I do not wholly disagree with this assessment. When he went out with friends or to buy candy, Mother would insist he take me. I was a curious child and had to examine anything I found interesting, rocks, dirt, discarded newspapers. I would follow people I found interesting, wanting to learn about them. I most certainly slowed him down. My turn. Why did you leave?” Holmes asked, admiring how the moonlight cast its glow on her face.

“I wanted to make my family proud and join the Yard.” She replied, toying with and caressing his hand and arm. She locked eyes with him, a mischievous glint sparkling in her eyes. “Besides, someone had to take care of your wrinkly ass while you were in that honey.”

Holmes drew her close, Lestrade giving a startled yelp, “I didn’t hear any complaints from you about it before we left London,” he husked in her ear, kissing her neck.

~*~

Morning came far too early for the weary travelers. All Beth wanted to do was stay under the covers with Sherlock and sleep until dinner. The way Beth’s warm body was curled into his own was divine. Holmes, usually hating inactivity, was thinking along the same lines until he heard sniffing at the door.

“Stewart!” Beth exclaimed, not moving or opening her eyes, “Chill out. It’s just a new person, not a pox upon the house.”

The old boxer sighed and laid down, his tags clanking on the wood floor as he did. The world stilled once more for several moments. Eventually, Beth sighed and sat up, “Well, I’m awake.”

Taking Beth’s cue, Holmes got up and dressed for the day as Beth played on her phone. The sounds of a home waking up could be heard; running water, a coffee maker, the opening and closing of cabinets.

Holmes offered his hand to Beth as encouragement to start the day. She took it and groaned as she was pulled from the comfy bed.

As they passed Matt’s room, Beth used her best ‘cop knock,’, yelling, “Get up loser!”

They could hear Matt startle awake and a flood of profanities aimed at his sister. Beth giggled.

The scene in front of them in the kitchen was an utterly domestic one. Beth’s parents in their robes and pajamas, the morning news on as they started breakfast. The table was already laden with syrup, butter, jams and steaming coffee. Though Stewart sitting on a chair at said table was a bit out of place.

“Don’t ask,” Beth said. “It’s his chair.”

“Good morning!” Tresa said cheerfully in a singsong voice, “I hope you’re hungry!”

“Because it’s waffle time!” David announced excitedly as though he was a sports commentator.

“Dad makes the best waffles. I have literal dreams about them.” Beth did like her carbs.

“It’s the nutmeg,” David said proudly, grinning ear to ear.

Matt shuffled tiredly in the kitchen and plopped down. Holmes noticed how Beth and Matt both sat, their legs on the chair curled into their bodies. Beth only sat that way when she had just woken up.

Stewart visibly avoided looking at Holmes.

“Beth, Matt, will you take Stewart out please?” Tresa asked.

The twins groaned and complained, but ultimately acquiesced, taking Stewart out the backyard.

Holmes was left inside with Tresa and David. He knew what was coming, the ��if you hurt my daughter’ speech. Holmes’s mind was divided if he should ask David first while they were on the subject, but he doubted Beth would like that.

David wasted no time and Tresa leaned in. “Now, man to man, I need to know that you have Beth’s best interests in mind. I’m in an awkward position here. I feel like I’m speaking to an elder and I’ve only read how you were characterized. I don’t know exactly what was truth and what was fiction. You have been described as cold and had an utter apathy towards the law. Gregory always complained that you were hard to work with and to be blunt, utterly misogynistic. However, from the few times I have spoken to you, you don’t seem anything of the sort. You certainly respect and care for Beth, and I haven’t seen anything troubling. Basically, I’m asking, what’s true?”

“Shall I say I have softened in my old age?” Holmes countered. He took a drink of his coffee, strong coffee only a police officer could brew. “What you have read was about a proud man. Later in my life, I was humbled by my own mistakes, namely the case of Ann Kelmot, my friendship with the Munro boy and my own defects; my deteriorating brain. I have always strived to not look at myself as the character Dr. Watson has portrayed me to be, but I will admit, that fame got to me at times. I have what a precious few have received and what many more pray for; a second chance. While morals and values fluctuate from person to person and pious will never be an accurate descriptor of my person, I do intend to do better this time around.”

David listened intently and nodded. He took a drink of his own coffee, “Well, in that case, welcome to the family, Holmes,” he said holding out his hand to the elder.

Holmes shook David’s hand. David looked to Tresa and nodded. She agreed.

A peaceful silence settled for several moments.

“Beth leave Matt alone!” Tresa chided, “a bunch of wild animals they are. Can’t say a nice thing about the other! Knock! It! Off!” She said as she tapped on the window, getting their attention.

Both men stood up from the table. Beth had tackled Matt to the ground and were wrestling over an unknown argument, Stewart running and jumping around them as though he were a part of the game he thought they were playing.

“You sure you want her?” Tresa asked Holmes, sighing.

The twins trudged in, Stewart rushing ahead of them, their heads down, ready for a lecture.

Tresa put her hands on her hips. “Well?”

“Beth said – “

“Matt said – “

They said simultaneously, pointing at each other.

Tresa held her hands up, “I don’t even want to know anymore. You’re both adults. Just keep it out of the hospital, okay?”

The twins muttered affirmatives. Matt started to walk off, but Beth feigned a lunge at him, startling him for a second, before heading to the living room.

Beth looked back and forth towards both men at the table, “Dad…why do I feel like I just walked in on something? Oh zed, you didn’t give him the ‘I’m not afraid to go back to prison and to chop you into a million tiny pieces’ talk? Do you know how many boyfriends you’ve scared away?”

“No need to fret, my dear,” Holmes said standing up and taking Beth’s hand in reassurance, “It was a simple talk between a father and his daughter’s suitor. I am no worse for the ware, though I do believe we all agree that I have passed the test, at least the preliminaries?”

David winked in response. “You should thank me for scaring away those boys, Beth, you would have never met Holmes!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Beth muttered as she skulked off to change.

Beth emerged in a pair of denim shorts, a tank top and a simple grey shrug with three-quarter sleeves. Around her neck, she wore the delicate gold locket Holmes had given her. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, revealing the geometric tattoo of a sigil long thought to bring protection. Simple studs in each piercing of her ears complimented the gold necklace.

At first, it had been a bit jarring to see the modern fashions women wore, so uncovered. In Holmes’s time, their bodies were hidden and shapes altered. Now, women were encouraged to wear what they pleased. Though Holmes couldn’t deny the benefits of being able to regard Beth’s beauty without having to account for layers and layers of fabric and boning. Beth wasn’t much of a girly girl, but she endeavored to always look nice and put together.

“Hey, Sherlock, let’s take a walk around the block before it gets too hot,” Beth said after breakfast.

Holmes nodded and followed Beth outside.

Though the pavement was cracked and pitted, the neighborhood was a nice one with well-maintained homes and mature trees and gardens. There was just enough shade and a breeze to keep the walk enjoyable.

“I kinda need to tell you what went down right before you were resurrected,” Beth said once they were a few houses down.

Holmes nodded, listening.

“Obviously, I had to get my family involved ‘cause dad had the code to the lockbox that had all your papers in it. We basically had a big family meeting to discuss if this was a good idea.”

“Someone was against my reappearance,” Holmes stated.

“Kinda. It’s my Aunt Maggie. We won her over. She was very against the idea while she was your caretaker. She worried that you may not have been able to take all the stress. If you were on her watch, you wouldn’t be here. Look, the last thing I want to do is to put drama between you two, but I know she may say something, and I just wanted you to be aware of that. Just give her time, give her space. Everyone else is really excited to meet you.”

“Yes, a formerly dead man is a great party guest.” Beth wasn’t sure if he was joking until she saw the grin on his face. She matched his but knew this was a symptom of a bigger issue, it just wasn’t the right time to talk about it.

“Oh, and my cousin Luke thinks you’re Jack the Ripper.”

Holmes stopped in his tracks, “Excuse me?”

Beth laughed, “I mean, the evidence lines up…I bet the only person in the world who can get away with murder is you.” She teased.

Holmes huffed, “I know you think you’re complimenting me, but you’re really not.”

By the time the couple made it back, Tresa was scurrying around the kitchen, her arms laden with groceries and utensils, “I’m heading to Grandpa’s early to start cooking with Jett, Mag, and Kas. We don’t want Grandpa trying to cook for all of us by himself.” She explained. She gave Beth a peck on the cheek and flew out the door.

While David puttered around the garage and Matt played a loud video game, Beth and Holmes went back to their room for a nap. Travel may have advanced since Holmes’ time, but jetlag was still a thing. Beth sat an alarm for ten minutes before dinner.

~*~

They pulled into an older neighborhood and landed in a driveway littered with cars and a blossoming magnolia tree to the side, partially obscured by a fence. Beth led him into the open garage and opened the door to the home without knocking. Inside the Lestrade clan was scattered around the living room, on the sofa, loveseat, recliner and the younger generation sitting on the floor. The house was already smelling of a delicious dinner cooking. They were in the midst of conversation when they heard the door open and the room fell silent.

“My word, it’s actually him.” Grandpa Adam said.

“Hey everyone,” Beth greeted, “Holmes, let me introduce you; that’s my grandpa, Adam, next to him is my Aunt Jett and Maggie. Maggie’s daughter Kassie, her kids Brittany and Wesley. Jett’s son Luke and his daughter Lucy and son Ben.” Matt and David had arrived a little before Beth and Holmes.

“Hello,” Holmes nodded.

Holmes and Beth took an empty seat.

“How are you finding the 22nd Century, Mr. Holmes?” Adam asked, not taking his eyes off the man.

“I am adjusting well, thank you. Without all of you, I may not be here. I truly thank you all for the care you have provided. I know it was a hard and inconvenient task, one you did not volunteer for.” Holmes knew that the now American based Lestrade family would make regular trips to London to check on him before his return.

“It was my pleasure,” Adam said.

“Think nothing of it,” David said.

“Can you deduce anything about me!?” Brittany, a young girl with long brown hair asked excitedly, running up to the detective.

Holmes examined the girl for a few seconds, rubbing his chin as he took inventory. He wasn’t one to use his talents as parlor tricks, but he did want to show off a bit.

“You are an artist and a quite good one at that. Before Beth and I arrived, you were helping your great grandfather in the garden and lastly, you were given the unfortunate task of giving Spike the pug his medication.”

Brittany gawked. “How did you do that?” She asked, as though she had just seen a magic trick.

“Easy. There are paint stains on your shoes. While inexpensive paint nowadays washes off easily, allowing for a novice painter to make mistakes, the more costly products do not, due to the ingredients that give them their quality. Your parents would not buy you such costly paint if you were not any good. There is also dirt clumped on your shoes, as well as your great grandfather’s, and no one else’s. Notice the color and consistency of the dirt, red, almost clay-like that is common in these parts. You do not just pick up the clumps from walking around, but from working in the garden where the soil has been tilled and the red clay dirt exposed, from the garden I saw as Beth and I came in overhead. There is also fresh produce on the counter. As for the pug family,” Holmes said, looking past the young girl to the family of snorting pugs itching to come inside, staring at the human family through a nose smudged glass door. He returned his attention to her, plucking off several white hairs from her shirt, showing her. “You are positively covered in dog hair. From what your cousin tells me, Spike puts up a fuss when it’s time for his medication.”

The room clapped. Oh yes, Holmes was going to enjoy this night. He regaled the family in the tales of his adventures, new and old, with Gregory and with Beth. Soon dinner needed to be tended to. Most of the older Lestrade family had gathered in the kitchen, preparing dinner as the younger generation showed Holmes around. Beth sat on the counter with a can of soda.

“What’s he doing?” Kassie asked. The family soon gathered round the window, watching the famous detective.

“It looks like he’s hunting for something?”

“Did he drop something?”

“He’s probably looking for bees. He’s been wanting to diversify his colony that he keeps in Sussex, part of his original brood.” Beth answered, with the mild interest of someone who has heard enough about bees.

“He’s gonna get stung!”

“He can tell you how many times he’s been stung, in both lives.”

Aunt Jett shivered, “’ Both lives’, ooh that gives me the heebiest of jeebies. He seems so…calm. Acclimated? How did he take when he was first…revived?”

“He took it in stride. He knew what he was doing. He really misses Watson, the real one.”

“Does he talk about it…y’know death?” Matt asked.

Beth shrugged, “He says that all he remembers is going to sleep in 1947 and waking up in 2103 as though it were the next day.”

“What about the depressive episodes? Dr. Watson said he could starve himself for days!”

“He does have his issues, I’ll give you that, but he made first chair violin in the London Symphony Orchestra. He’s already gotten music to learn. That should keep him occupied enough. I’ve never seen anything alarming when cases were scarce. I think he’s figured out how to actually live with himself. If he gets freaky, well, I’ll get Matt’s pea shooter and shoot a Valium down his throat.” Beth said, mimicking a slingshot as Matt grabbed his throat and pretended to choke.

“And what about his other vices?” David asked, his large arms crossed over his chest.

“Not a thing. He barely drinks.” Beth answered, shaking her head.

“He could be hiding it,” Maggie said, stirring at the stove.

“He could, but I would have seen evidence or track marks. We’ve been having sex for quite a while. Pretty sure I would have noticed.” Beth replied casually. The family stared. “Hey, you asked. All he wants to do is play the violin, solve cases, play with his bees and occasionally box and fence. He’s doing great, I promise.”

Matt took the opportunity to change the subject, “So has he got a new batch of Irregulars?”

Beth took a drink and nodded, “Yeah, they’re pretty good kids. They’re getting close to graduating. They’re almost always over after school. Guess it helps when you have homework about the Victorian Era, and you know someone who lived through it. He’s teaching one of the kids, Daniel Wiggins, how to box actually. The resident computer whiz, Joshua Tennyson manages Holmes’ social media presence. Deidre Owens keeps him up to date on the new slang which is absolutely hilarious. It’s like a foreign language to him!”

“They aren’t homeless, are they?” Luke asked.

“Oh no, not at all. They all have decent enough families. I ran a background check on all of them long ago. Though Deidre and Wiggins aren’t above exploiting tourists for cash.”

“So,” Grandpa Adam said, “What’s it like working with him, the Master?” Pride and joy swelled in his voice.

The family listened as though they were about to hear the conclusion to a long-awaited saga.

Beth smiled, “It’s pretty great actually. Well, afterward, during the matter it’s like pulling teeth. He does what he wants which temporarily puts me in an awkward position with Greyson but who cares, Greyson can go fly a kite. He’s gotten too comfortable behind that desk, which he promptly forgets about once Sherlock closes the case.

“He comes on strong when excited about a case, asking questions and making deductions in rapid-fire,” Lestrade said, snapping her fingers in time, “He’ll rarely tell you what his plan is and you’re just caught up in his storm, along for the ride.”

By then, the kids and Holmes had settled in the living room and were giving Holmes a crash course on all the incarnations of his persona. They were hanging on to every word.

“In this one, they made Watson a girl and you have a lot of tattoos!” Lucy said.

“Tattoos? Me? Heavens!”

“You’re a mouse in this one!” Ben said, showing Holmes the character on his tablet.

“And a dog in this one!” Brittany said.

“Where’s Watson now? The robot, I mean?” Wesley asked.

“Probably playing mother hen to the Irregulars, watching too many soap operas and American baseball with Wiggins,” Holmes answered.

“Did you really shoot words into the walls of Baker Street, Mr. Holmes?” Ben asked, his eyes wide.

“Unfortunately, I did. I never got the deposit back from Mrs. Hudson either. I wouldn’t suggest it.”

The kids laughed, awestruck at the man.

“Do you really go in disguise, Mr. Holmes?” Lucy asked.

“I do! My closet is comprised mostly of costumes and disguises rather than my everyday clothes.”

“I bet you’re a really good actor, Mr. Holmes. Can you do an American accent?”

The question and answer session turned into the kids asking Holmes to do various accents and nailing them.

“I’m surprised at how well he’s taken to them,” Kassie said.

“Well, they are flattering him. He’s peacocking if anything.” Beth replied.

“So, he’s normal now?” Luke asked, continuing the conversation from earlier.

Beth snorted, “Normal isn’t even a setting on the washer at Baker Street. He still argues with the Yard and he’s still arrogant as can be. He still gets up close and personal with the crime scenes. He’s still Holmes, but maybe a better version of him.”

By then, the kids had lost interest in Holmes and had wandered off or to play with the dogs. Holmes found a large assortment of family photos on a shelf.

“That’s my mom,” Maggie said, noticing Holmes was looking at a certain picture.

“She’s beautiful,” Holmes remarked. Beth had that same bright grin as the woman in the photo.

“She was something else. She could drink coffee, crochet and watch tv at the same time. Those fish on the wall? Dad didn’t catch them, she did.”

There was a pause.

“Mr. Holmes, there are things you may not be aware of in this family, some past trauma if you will. My mom died of Alzheimer’s right before your return. It was an ugly battle, unfortunately, Beth and Matt saw a lot of it. I don’t want to see a repeat performance.” She said, looking squarely at the detective, almost accusatory.

“And you have my word that neither do I. Sir Hargreaves has ran my genome backward and forwards. He has seen no mutations in any of the genes pertaining to my memory. While he cannot prove that I will succumb to senility once more, he can neither do the opposite. I must remind you, as bizarre as the sentence sounds on my lips, that I died of old age. Far before any more distressing symptoms or more dramatic memory loss could occur.”

“Sir, I saw you dead. I saw your corpse. You scare me, a little bit. I vouched for your return, but it’s different seeing you, standing there. I don’t mean to put pressure on you, but you don’t know how much you mean to this family. We grew up hearing your stories. Do you know the impact you made on the world? Modern forensic science would literally not exist without you. When Beth was in the Yard’s academy, there was a mandatory class on your deduction techniques. Dad, David and I certainly used what we learned from you when we wore our badges. There are countless other ways you were remembered.”

“Yes, there is quite an ugly statue of my likeness far too close to Baker Street.” Holmes knew there was no logic behind this meeting. It was merely an aunt, traumatized by the prolonged death of her mother, trying to shroud her niece from another round. There was nothing either of them could do but Holmes knew that she had to get it off her chest.

“Just please, Mr. Holmes, take care of yourself, for Beth?”

“It is my every intention,” Holmes loved Beth dearly, more than he thought he could love a woman, anyone. At times, he felt in his past he was a robot, cold and analytical but now, he was alive, human. He wanted to do right by Beth and even the Irregulars.

“Dinner’s ready!” Adam called from the kitchen, a welcome reprieve for both Maggie and Holmes.

The meal was set out on the dining room table and everyone took a seat.

Adam carefully stood up, his aged knees slightly shaking as he did so. He raised his glass in the air, “I would like to raise a toast to our guest, Mr. Sherlock Holmes. It is truly an honor having you at this table. Your visage is a sight I thought I’d never see in my lifetime. You, alive and well, is the culmination of generations of hard work for this family. We also must raise a toast to Beth, for it was her tenacity to finally go through with it. We were so very proud of her before our guest was resurrected, and we are just as proud that she continues to work with you. You may be adding our Beth to the Holmes family, but we can assure you, you are a part of the Lestrade family as well.”

“And good luck with Beth, you’ll need it,” Matt said behind his glass.

The table laughed as Beth slugged him in his arm, teasingly.

“Kids…” Tresa warned.

“Sorry mom,” The twins muttered, the smirks on their faces saying it wasn’t over.

“And Beth, let’s keep Holmes from heights, whaddaya say?” David teased after the toast.

“Can I just point out that one of his latest batch of Irregulars speaks only in Binary and only Holmes can understand him without looking at his readout?”

“I merely recognized the pattern over time,” Holmes replied, simply.

The dinner was a jovial and warm one. Holmes had been welcomed into the Lestrade clan. Family stories were told, old cases were discussed, and laughter was all around.

After dinner, the couple slipped out the back door.

“As you can see, Grandpa Adam and Grandma Hannah had a bit of a green thumb,” Beth said. Along the edge of the fence and property line that dipped off into a shallow creek were several tall pear trees that provided a shaded path. There was a blossoming dogwood tree in the corner and off to the side of the house was a produce garden.

Holmes and Lestrade walked hand in hand under the grove of pear trees. A mighty oak, stories tall dominated the back corner of the backyard, a rope swing swaying in the breeze hung from a low, sturdy branch.

Beth sat down on the old piece of wood that made up the seat, “Grandpa made this for me and Matt when we were little. I spent a lot of time out here. Push me.” She said as she kicked off.

He pushed her for several minutes before he could wait no longer. Holmes caught the ropes as it came back towards him and steadied Lestrade. He moved to face her.

“Know that I do not take this proposal lightly. I may have caught up with times in some ways, but in others, I have not. I do not care for this so-called serial monogamy for myself. Forgive me if I do not have a flowery speech made up, but I never thought I’d meet a woman like you, who has enraptured me since day one. Will you marry me?”

Sherlock Holmes for the first time, dropped to one knee for a woman, not caring about the dirt below him. From his pocket, he pulled out a velvet ring box and opened it, revealing a Marquise cut diamond on a gold band, flanked by a dainty round diamond on each side.

Tears of joy welled in the Inspector's eyes, “Do you need to deduce my answer?” She said, pulling Holmes in for a kiss.

#Sherlock Holmes #sherlock holmes in the 22nd century #sherbeth

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silveny-dreams · 5 years

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I wanna re read the series but can’t find it anywhere 😭

Oh no!! Well, we can’t have that. Let’s look at some options!

Obviously reading the books for free is the most ideal, so I’ll start with the library. (Just for some context: I work in a library and plan to be a librarian someday, so I know a LOT about libraries.) Check your local library and see if they carry the books! My local library does, and they have multiple copies of each book, but despite this fact, the books are almost never on the shelves—so if I want to borrow them, I have to put them on hold. You may have to wait a little while to get your hands on them this way, but it would guarantee that you get to check them out next! Some libraries even have a thing called Library In A Box where they’ll drop off books you check out to local post office boxes they own, and then give you the code to open the box for you to get them, if you can’t make it to your local library. (This has little relevance but again—I’m a librarian and I like bragging about cool librarian stuff.)

Your library may also have access to an ebook library collection (most libraries do at this point)! If there aren’t any physical copies of the book at your library, I’d check your elibrary options. Most libraries have a partnership with a website called Overdrive, and you can search there to see if they have the books in their database (they’re obviously popular books, so if they have them then you may still have to put the ebooks on hold—but again, you’d be guaranteed to read them next).

If neither of these options are available to you, see if any of your irl buddies have the books and whether they’ll let you borrow them to reread! Having friends is super great because a) friends, duh, and b) book swapping (lol).

If all of these things don’t work out, never fear—let’s start considering ones that may cost money...if there’s a used bookstore in your area like Half Price Books, they usually have the copies for—you guessed it—half the price they usually go for! I’d also recommend checking on Amazon for used copies. The used copies may be kinda beat up or tattered in some cases, but I’ll be honest—as long as I get to read them, I don’t always care what my book looks like.

The ebooks on Amazon may be cheaper than buying a physical copy of the book, too! I know that sometimes they go on sale and you can buy some of the ebooks for as low as $2! Check the prices there. ALSO, if you’re someone who enjoys audiobooks, I know that Shannon Messenger herself has been really pumped about there being an Audible version of a lot of her books! If you/your family have Amazon Prime, they may have access to an Audible subscription, and you can find the books that way!

If money is reeeeaaally tight and you don’t wanna buy the books, my last resort advice would be to take a day to visit your local bookstore who carries the books and curl up in one of the chairs in the store and read there. It’s really not ideal because idk what your transportation and schedule options are like, or if you live within a reasonable distance of a bookstore, but I do know that that’s how I’ve read other books before when I didn’t want to buy them and the library didn’t have them.

Tl;dr - here are some options

Check them out from your local library if they have them (or put them on hold to be next in line to check them out)

Check your local library’s ebook collection

Ask friends irl to borrow their copies if they have them

Check used bookstores near you for them

Check amazon for used book and ebook prices

If you have an Audible subscription or Amazon Prime account, grab the Audible audiobooks there

Read them in a bookstore without buying them

Go forth and best of luck to you! If anyone else has any (LEGAL) options I missed that they’d like to add, feel free to hijack this and tell me! I’m always down to find new ways to get my hands on books.

#keep in mind #i live in the us #it may be different if you live in another country #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #ask #mine #anon

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sanantonioswebdesign · 5 years

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30 Fun things to do in San Antonio

1. It Ain’t Texas while not A Rodeo Rodeo - Things to try to to In urban center

If you aren’t in city for the urban center Stock Show and Rodeo in February—one of the most important rodeos within the country—that doesn’t mean you have got to miss out on seeing this urban center tradition. The Tejas Rodeo holds events from March through Nov. Giddyup!

2. trying to find one thing Spookier? Take A Ghost Tour!

In a town therefore wealthy with history, there ar inevitably lots of urban center ghost stories, too—discover them 1st hand with butchery town Ghost Tours or the Sisters Grimm Ghost Tour. Check them out… goodbye as you don’t scare easily!

3. Become a part of The “CSI” Team At The Witte depository

maybe it’s additional edu-tainment than academic, however the Witte Museum’s CSI: The Experience—created in cooperation with the CBS show—will be a success with fans of the series. And if “CSI” simply isn’t your issue, the Witte features a rotating choice of exhibits regarding science and history, particularly Texas history.

4. Get In Some Historic Drinking Why can’t all history have happened during a bar? The Menger edifice Bar is, famously, wherever President Teddy Roosevelt recruited his Rough Riders whereas the Buckhorn Saloon boasts of being the oldest saloon in Texas—though the Menger would argue it’s the oldest unceasingly operated saloon. Visit the Menger for a cultured cocktail and therefore the Buckhorn—which is, as delineate, stuffed with a good assortment of horns, looking trophies, and alternative exhibits—for kitsch.

5. Visit The Exotic life At The urban center installation If you’re trying to find one thing additional exotic than the ducks and squirrels that inhabit the remainder of Brackenridge Park, venture into the urban center installation. Nearly a hundred years previous, the installation options over three,500 animals together with lions, tigers, and bears—oh my!

6. investigate associate degree E-Book At The Country’s 1st All-Digital Library Bexar County’s BiblioTech may be a library while not one physical book, providing solely digital books and audiobooks. however the power itself is price a visit, with a large number of e-readers, tablets, laptops, and desktop computers on the market to use throughout your visit.

7. Get Some searching In At La Villita And mart There ar countless places to buy in urban center, however none quite just like the La Villita Historic Arts Village—in the oldest a part of the city—or the outside, Mexican-style marketplace of mart. once you’ve exhausted your case searching, each have events throughout the year—not to say nice people-watching. You won’t notice something like them outside San Antonio!

8. Go Spelunking In one in every of San Antonio’s several Caves If you’re bored with all of the outside and recent air, and ar desire one thing a touch additional brave, head underground to explore one in every of the area’s several caverns. Natural Bridge Caverns, Cascade Caverns, and Cave while not a reputation all supply some spectacular sights.

9. For Above-Ground Excitement, Ride The Coasters At fete Texas If you’re trying to travel air sure, you can’t do higher than Six Flags fete Texas that options many high-octane roller coasters just like the Iron Rattler. however if you don’t have a style for thrill rides, there ar lots of milder rides and family-friendly diversion on supply, too.

10. Take Special wants Friends and Family to go to Morgan’s Wonderland Morgan’s Wonderland may be a completely different quite common, designed and designed to be utterly accessible to youngsters and adults with psychological feature or physical challenges whereas being a fun expertise for all guests.

11. See urban center From higher than At The Tower Of solid ground

Sure, metropolis likes to brag regarding its house Needle, however at 750 feet, San Antonio’s Tower of solid ground is taller. It’s the tallest building in urban center—and one in every of the tallest in Texas—and it provides you a stellar read of San Antonio and therefore the close Texas hill country.

12. Play holidaymaker At The watercourse Walk (Even If You’re A Local)

Yes, the watercourse Walk may be a holidaymaker destination, however it’s a holidaymaker destination for a reason—it’s an attractive place to spend associate degree hour, a day, or an entire day. absorb the sights, grab a bite to eat, and simply get pleasure from the city district.

13. See the most important assortment Of Asian Art within the South You wouldn’t extremely suppose to go to urban center to examine Asian art, however the urban center depository of Art on the north finish of the watercourse Walk has an intensive collection—as well as works from solid ground, Europe, Egypt, Greece, and Rome. The crazy juxtaposition of east and (south)west is well-worth seeing.

14. See trendy Art In Spanish Colonial vogue The first trendy art depository within the state of Texas, the McNay Art depository is found within the former home of Marion Koogler McNay, a Spanish Colonial Revival mansion located on twenty three acres of improved grounds. even though trendy art isn’t your jam, the grounds ar an excellent place to wander and explore.

15. Skip The Museums And notice Some Street Art Instead For all the museums we’ve mentioned, you’ll notice art in urban center while not ever setting foot in one. We’re notably keen on F.I.S.H. by Donald Lipski, that options fish floating over the watercourse Walk below the I-35 flyover close to metropolis Street. If you retain your eyes open, you’ll conjointly notice murals everywhere the town.

16. Cheer On the house Team At A Spurs Game If you’re in urban center you’re responsible to root for the house team—and four-time NBA Championship winners, the Spurs, can provide you with masses to cheer for!

17. Brush informed Your Texas History At The butchery

nothing says Texas—or San Antonio—more than the historic butchery. And tho’ we’ve all detected the story, it’s price taking the time to go to. over simply the long-lasting facade, the butchery may be a four.2 acre complicated of gardens and exhibits—and ideal for a stroll before or once a ride down the watercourse Walk.

18. And investigate San Antonio’s alternative Historic Missions, Too Though the butchery continuously gets advert, urban center is home to over simply the one historic mission. Missions Conception, San Jose, San Juan, and Espada form up the urban center Missions park situated on the urban center watercourse.

19. wish to examine It All? Bike The Mission path From The butchery A hike and bike path runs from the butchery all the approach right down to the south Mission Espada. Rent a “B-cycle” from urban center B-Cycles and revel in the ride!

20. See The Nation’s Oldest Cathedral Built in 1750, the Cathedral of San Fernando in downtown urban center is that the oldest cathedral within the United States—and remains the middle of Catholic life within the town.

21. absorb Military History At Fort politico San Antonio features a massive military presence—enough to nickname the city “Military town USA.” Still a full of life military base, Fort politico is home to many museums and a grasslike, animal-filled quadrangle ideal for defrayment a day feeding the (rather demanding) birds.

22. Visit A Historic Homestead (Or 2 Or Three) Architecture lovers are in heaven. urban center is packed with historic homes, from the eighteenth century Spanish Governor’s Palace to the Steves Homestead and Villa Finale within the King William District.

23. See geographical region Fall colours while not confronting The weather condition

Texas might not be glorious for the dynamic seasons, however that’s solely as a result of not everyone’s visited the Lost Maples State Natural space west of urban center. There, you’ll notice over two,000 acres of Bigtooth Maples and Texas Red Oaks that provides a sensible show each fall.

24. get pleasure from The Country while not exploit city The Lost Maples ar a touch of a drive, however Brackenridge Park offers 343 acres of out of doors diversion right within the heart of city. You’ll notice birds to feed, methods for walking or biking, playgrounds for the children, a links, and even a miniature railroad.

25. And Take Your Dog on Phil Hardberger Park - Things to try to to in urban center

Dogs ar allowed on-leash in Brackenridge Park, however at the 2 dog parks within Phil Hardberger Park , your hirsute friend will burst off the leash to run and play with alternative dogs.

26. notice Your Zen At the japanese garden For a touch additional Asian culture within the heart of urban center, swing by the japanese garden in Brackenridge Park wherever you’ll watch the swimming koi, relax by the water, or simply stroll the garden.

27. See Some ocean Life At SeaWorld SeaWorld - Things to try to to in urban center

You don’t have to be compelled to trek the 250 miles to town to examine marine life, as a result of the world’s largest marine park is correct in urban center with SeaWorld. make certain to catch up with Shamu and friends at the One Ocean show and take a swim with the stingrays at Aquatica!

28. Take A Spin At woman Bird Johnson Skate Park OK, therefore the town of urban center solely calls it woman Bird Johnson Park, however there’s a sizable—and free—skate park on the property. what percentage alternative 1st girls have their own skate parks? we tend to can’t consider any.

29. Entertain And Educate At The urban center Children’s depository San Antonio Children’s depository - Things to try to to in urban center Source: urban center Children’s depository

This kid-friendly—and, as a result, parent-friendly—museum focuses on interactive exhibits and learning through play. With 3 floors of show house, the urban center Children’s depository is bound to be a success with the miscroscopic ones.

30. Catch A Show At The butchery Drafthouse Or The Majestic Theatre The butchery Drafthouse Or The Majestic Theatre - Things to try to to in urban center

You can’t return through urban center while not catching a show. For recent run movies, strive the Texas original butchery Drafthouse Cinema, that serves up movies, food, and drinks tired identical place. For theater and alternative events, the historic Majestic Theatre is wherever you must go.

#San Antonio #software engineering #web design #web designers #web development #web developing company #local web developers #san antonio web design #san antonios web design #designer #website #webdesigners in san antonio #designers in san antonio #local webdesign #local web designers near me

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shiisiln · 6 years

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Twilight Re-read: Chapter 1

Suddenly those books I liked back in 2010 are popular so I might as well re-read them for the first time in like 8 years in a desperate bid for notes and attention!

what do you MEAN we don’t have them in the house anymore

do I have to check them out of the library like some sort of ANIMAL

(donate to your local library kids)

oh thank god I can just download it

"I was wearing my favorite shirt- sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka."

As an Arizona native I’m pretty sure what she’s referring to is like, a light fall sweater.

Bella, sweetheart, I hope you never have to live anywhere that actually sees snow during the winter

"It was from this town and it's gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old."

jesus christ Charlie had to deal with his wife and only child leaving only months after she was born?!

#teamcharliedeservedbetter

"How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself? Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost, but still..."

I think when I was 12, Renee was endearing, now she’s... kind of horrifying?

I imagine her as a more well-intentioned version of Eleanor’s mom from The Good Place. No wonder Bella has some of the issues she has...

""It's good to see you, Bells," he said, smiling as he automatically caught and steadied me."

I wish more people had called her Bells? That's honestly a really cute nickname.

""I don't mind, I want you to be happy here." He was looking straight ahead when he said this. Charlier wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him. So I was looking straight ahead as I responded."

There is not enough appreciation in the world for Bella Swan, emotionally constipated disaster who takes too much after her father.

God all kinds of memories are resurfacing as I read through this. I think I tried to record an audiobook of this when I was a tween.

I also think I tried translating the first chapter into an alien cipher language I created.

...moving right along...

"There, parked on the street in front of the house that never changed was my new- well, new to me- truck. It was a faded red color with big, rounded fenders and a bulbous cab. To my intense surprise, I loved it."

OH LOOK, MY FAVORITE CHARACTER

Bella is a butch truck queer and you can pry that out of my cold dead hands.

~ "The desk now held a secondhand computer, with the phone line for the modem stapled along the floor to the nearest phone jack."

Ahh yes, all the dinosaur computer tech.

... gawd, reading a book from 2005 and feeling like it's a relic from a bygone age makes me feel SO OLD.

"Forks High School had a frightening total of only three hundred and fifty seven- now fifty eight- students"

Bitch there weren't three hundred people in my ENTIRE HOMETOWN.

(Don't get into 'my hometown was so small and pathetic' battle with me, I will win. It was a huge event when they unveiled the first stop light in the middle of town.)

"It wasn't just physically that I'd never fit in"

"Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain."

Wow, I WONDER why 12-year old closeted queer-ass me identified with characters like this so much.

IT’S A MYSTERY

~ "It was impossible, being in this house, not to realize that Charlie had never gotten over my mom."

*soft weeping*

"I donned my jacket- which had the feel of a biohazard suit- and headed out into the rain."

I like to think this overdramatic streak lasts all the way into immortality for her like

Bella: *puts on a light sweater* I'M BEING ENTOMBED

Edward: it's one extra layer, dearest

Bella: CAN'T BREATHE! THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN!

Alice: Bella you don't NEED to breathe

"The nicest car here was a shiny Volvo, and it stood out."

*Muffled Paramore playing in the distance*

Also I know as little about cars as Stephenie Meyer, so forgive me for absolutely everything I say about them in the future.

The only thing I know is that the word Volvo always makes me giggle in a very immature way.

"When the bell rang, a nasal buzzing sound, a gangly boy with skin problems and a hair black as an oil slick leaned across the aisle to talk to me."

"One girl sat next to me in both Trig and Spanish, and she walked with me to the cafeteria for lunch. (...) I couldn't remember her name, so I smiled and nodded as she prattled about teachers and classes. I didn't try to keep up."

Oof da, I forgot how much 'Not Like Other Girls' syndrome Bella has when it comes to the other teenage characters. Like, this shit even bothered me as a dumb tween.

"It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them."

*BASS BOOSTED PARAMORE PLAYING FROM BEHIND A LOCKED DOOR*

"The short girl was pixielike, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction."

MY GIRL! <3 <3 <3

"It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful- maybe the perfect blond girl, or the bronze-haired boy."

Bisexual bella bisexual bella bisexual bella bi-

"I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase if looks could kill suddenly ran through my mind."

Don't worry, he's just hangry.

"For some reason, my temper was hardwired to my tear ducts. I usually cried when I was angry, a humiliating tendency."

PAINFULLY RELATABLE.

~ "But Edward Cullen's back stiffened, and he turned slowly to glare at me- his face was absurdly handsome- with piercing, hate-filled eyes. For an instant, I felt a thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms."

*PARAMORE BLOWS OUT MY EARDRUMS AND I DIE INSTANTLY*

ok there we go, chapter one! An interesting trip through time into the psyche of an 11 year old girl who thought reading about vampires would make people like her (spoiler, it didn't work.

...

UNTIL NOW)

#twilight saga #twilight renaissance #why am i doing this to myself #twilight

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thefilmsimps · 3 years

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Beastie Boys Story (dir. Spike Jonze)

-Jere Pilapil- In the interest of full disclosure: I’m not sure if you can necessarily trust my opinion on this one, but I’ll do my best. Beastie Boys Story is, well, yeah, you see the title. It’s Spike Jonze’ document of Adam Horovitz and Michael Diamond telling an audience about the history of the Beastie Boys, from their beginnings as a punk band through their festival headlining heyday and up until the death of band member Adam Yauch. There’s not much else to it, though they do have some occasional fun with the format. But otherwise, it’s mostly two dudes being super earnest about a life well lived.

I really have to emphasize the earnestness because it’s a bit odd for the Beastie Boys, whose music, sure, had plenty of moments of reflection and depth, but if you listen to any of their albums beginning to end, there’s more wildness, humor and fun than anything else. As much as they grew away from being “The ‘Fight For Your Right to Party’ Guys”, you do kind of miss those guys in watching this documentary. Presenting their story in this way is a welcome break from the standard talking head rock doc format, but it still doesn’t feel like the work of the band that filmed a concert movie by giving a hundred fans handheld cameras and stitching all the footage together. Though, from the way they talk about him, that might have been a Yauch idea.

One of the bigger problems is that there’s precious little drama to the Beastie Boys story. Aside from Yauch’s too-young passing marking the end of the band, their previous nadir was their second album flopping (and even that retroactively became recognized as an essential record from the golden age of hip-hop). Their story is interesting - after all, they started as a punk band and became the most successful white rap act ever - but presented here it feels like there’s little to it besides “we did this and this and this, and it mostly worked out and was a lot of fun”. If you’re already a fan (I am), it’s fascinating but I feel like most of the value of this documentary is to sate anyone who couldn’t make it to one of these shows in person.

Some of the problem is definitely me: I cringe at the applause from the live audience, and it’s no one’s fault. It’s just a weird experience seeing people clapping out of recognition (“Ooh! ‘No Sleep Til Brooklyn’!”, “Oh yeah, the riff from ‘Sabotage’!”) captured on film, like two guys doing a show and tell about their lives. I think it’s an instinctive thing in an audience but feels weirdly artificial, kind of like when comedy specials cut to an audience member laughing. My brain reflectively screams “I know the joke is funny! You don’t have to show me someone laughing for me to know that!”. Similarly, hearing applause in this context makes me scoff, “Yes, they’re popular and loved! They have sold millions of albums and played massive arenas!” But that’s definitely a my-dumb-brain-specific thing. Your mileage may vary.

I also might be unfair to this because I read their Beastie Boys Book as an audiobook (support your local library) and own the physical paper-bound book (thanks you, fiance). So for me, the fan who would do that, watching this was a bit redundant. The actual story is better told in that form, both because their stage presence as public speakers is awkward and stilted in a way that comes off a bit better in the audiobook (which also has them handing off the baton to guest speakers frequently) and because they can go into more depth (a chapter from the female band member iced out for sexist reasons is extremely welcome). However, this version is also a great way to see the story unfold because they can show photos or video/audio clips related to what they’re talking about as they’re talking about it. Maybe the best thing about this movie is the chance to see Horovitz and Diamond (and sometimes Jonze) be friends. Most of this show is heavily scripted, but the moments where an AV gag goes wrong or one of the Beastie Boys does something that the other must comment on, they capture a little bit of magic. I wish this felt more like two friends shooting the shit instead of a live audiobook reading. 5/10

#movie review #music #concert #documentary

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cookinguptales · 7 years

Text

Well, I was gearing up to write a tumblr post asking y’all to send requests for transcripts/captions to all your favorite web media folks -- and still might, because that’s super important -- but one of the podcasters I emailed about transcripts emailed me back quickly (which was nice of him) to tell me that legally, his hands are tied because his book publishers have sole rights to text distribution of his episodes.

FRIENDS, I TOOK A WALK.

I don’t necessarily blame this individual for this situation; publishing contracts are sticky and yet a great opportunity for small creators. I wouldn’t say I’m angry at him right now, or even angry with the publishers. I get why competition clauses exist. I’m upset because this is a pattern that people with disabilities see over and over and over again. Some activists refer to it as the “disability tax”. It’s the extra price that PWD have to pay for all the little things in their lives that able-bodied people don’t need to pay for. And if people with hearing disabilities need to buy a book in order to access the info in an educational podcast that is free for hearing listeners, boy oh boy. Disability tax strikes again.

(*insert whole rant about how education is often made unavailable to PWD and why denial of education often ends up meaning denial of employment, socialization, and rights*)

So here’s the thing. I don’t think a lot of able-bodied folks know how expensive it is to be disabled. And please keep in mind that disabled folks often make far less money than able-bodied people, too. They just are not afforded the same opportunities that AB people are. (And that could be a whole post, too. Note to self.) Because of the current healthcare debate, people are starting to talk more about how much medical costs are for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses, but I think people still don’t quite get how expensive it is just to live with a disability.

Here are some examples:

I need to have my groceries delivered every week. This is non-negotiable. I cannot carry groceries, nor can I walk to and from the store on a regular basis. I cannot drive. So if I do not get groceries delivered, I do not eat food. Not only does this mean I am paying a delivery fee and a tip, I am often paying inflated prices for the goods that other people can shop around for. I cannot use manufacturer’s coupons, either. All in all, I am just paying a lot more for the same groceries that other people are buying.

If a person has food sensitivities, they are also likely buying more expensive food regardless of where they get it. See: non-dairy milk products, gluten-free products, etc. Different disabilities require different diets, and many of those diets get pricey fast, especially if those disabilities also prevent the person in question from cooking a lot.

Media can be very expensive if you have a disability. Audiobooks, braille, specialized screenreaders, transcribers, etc. etc. There’s a solid chance that if it requires more money to produce, it requires more money to buy. That expense is often passed on to the PWD who need to use these materials. And that’s not even including the expense that comes with extra effort, like if only one movie theater in the area has sensory-friendly screenings or captioning or descriptive audio. It might be hard to get to. It might have only one screening. I already said how hard it is for PWD to get work -- do you think they can just take off work to watch the only captioned screening, which happens to be at 10 a.m. in the next county over? Or they might need to pay full museum admission because that’s the day with a specific accessible tour instead of being able to go on a free day like able-bodied people. Etc.

Mobility devices can be very expensive, especially customized ones, and not all of them are covered by insurance. This includes garden variety canes and wheelchairs (like my own), but also specialized wheelchairs, chair lifts for homes, wheelchair lifts, modified kitchens, ramps, modified cars, etc. I know a woman whose van needed to be modified to the tune of $80,000 before she could drive it. Yes, that is four zeroes. (Personally, I need to pay for a Lyft when I have to go somewhere not covered by accessible public transportation -- which takes out a lot of subway stations in my city. It isn’t safe for me to drive, so I just have to foot that bill.)

Other day-to-day assistive devices are very expensive. Wiring houses so things blink or vibrate when the doorbell rings. Text-to-speech and speech-to-text devices. Adapted keyboards. Hell, even service dogs need to eat. (And human caregiving assistance can be very expensive, too.)

Like honestly, I could go on for days. There are always a million little things we’re paying for so we can have the same experiences as able-bodied people, like visiting friends, going to school, seeing a movie, or, y’know, eating food. This is the disability tax, and though it’s all too visible to PWD, I feel like able-bodied folks never even notice it. It’s part of the institutional structures that keep PWD poor, which means it’s part of the institutional structures that keep PWD quiet.

As for that podcast, well. The guy recommended that I request copies of his book (when it comes out) in my local libraries so PWD can have access to his information for free. It’s not ideal, but it’s a start, I suppose. The internet is giving PWD access to so many things we never had before, but it’s also springing weird new sticky situations on us that we’re going to have to learn to navigate. If you’re disabled and reading this, I’m right there with you, frustrated and fighting. If you’re able-bodied and reading this, then please, please help us gain access to the same things you already have, and be patient with us when we need to exert greater resources to get them. Help us navigate these new waters, and speak up for us when we can’t even get in the room.

Thank you.

(And hey, if you learned something and want to say thanks back, you could always help me with those groceries.)

#ableism #disability #I'm frustrated

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donnawrightrn · 7 years

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Motivation

I have none. Why? Someone noted yesterday that they were teaching because that was their purpose, their passion. I don’t know if I have anything I care about passionately anymore. I was a nurse and I loved nursing, but I’m retired and by the time I got to retirement, nursing had changed into something I didn’t recognize. I love my children and will passionately defend them, but I’m “retired” from shaping their lives. I love to read and study, but that’s a very individual passion- I don’t have a way to share what I study and read....oh wait, maybe I can do that here?

I love to read a variety of topics. Science fiction, some fantasy (please, no dragons or castles, no kings and queens), theology, mystery, and whatever you would classify the Scot Harvath novels as (authored by Brad Thor). Theology and Christian books (no self-help, name-it-claim-it Osteen garbage here) are something I study more than read for pleasure.

So what am I currently reading? I’m always reading more than one book. And lately, I find that I don’t have patience to push through to the end of a book that is either slow in development or not well written. I’m 58 years old and I see my future shrinking- I don’t have time for books that bore me. Anyway, I’m currently reading a fantasy series about a character named Rylee Adamson (authored by Shannon Mayer). She’s a Tracker, which means she’s a supernatural human who can feel the threads of people’s lives and locate them if they are lost or missing. I just started book 5 of that series.

An aside- I read almost exclusively on my Kindle or by my Audible app. I love being able to resize the text when I’m reading without glasses. I also love owning thousands (yes, thousands) of books without them cluttering up my home. One problem with the Kindle, however, is that you can lose track of the title of the book! And I often do.

Back to my readings.

Blind Salvage, book #5 in the Rylee Adamson series. I just started this last night and discovered that I didn’t remember how book 4 (Shadowed Threads) ended, so I re-read the last chapter of that and then got 12% of the way into Blind Salvage. Don’t you love the percentage feature? I read this kind of book mostly at bedtime. It’s not meant to be edifying- I can’t do edifying at bedtime. This is pure, guilty pleasure.

The Girl Who Takes an Eye for an Eye, by David Lagercrantz. This is the next book in the Lisbeth Salander series, written by Lagercrantz, who took over the series after Stieg Larsson died. I’m listening to this on Audible because...I also love to color and do counted cross stitch, but being riddled with ADD, I can’t just color/stitch without having something to engage my brain. Some might say that I could spend that time in thinking. Nah. I’m at the beginning of this book, too, and have 9 hours, 41 minutes to go. I also listen to audiobooks in the car, while I’m in the shower, while I’m cooking, while I’m working out (although I’m starting to listen to music- seems to take my mind off the agony in my muscles).

Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan. I read through the introduction and preface just this morning, so I have a little way to go, but it’s a short book. I read books like these when I can have some quiet time. This book was recommended by my teaching pal.

Mansions of the Heart by R. Thomas Ashbrook. This book explores the seven stages of spiritual growth as laid down by St. Teresa of Avila. This is NOT a self-help book. It also has a study guide, and I’m working through that. This is an intentional book study, rather than a reading for pleasure.

How can I be reading four books at once? I just can. Each book fits into a specific part of my life. I have always been a voracious reader, having learned to read by age 4. I loved going to the local Doubleday Bookstore to get a Little House book, or Stuart Little, or to stubbornly refuse to read The Borrowers series simply because the store manager told my mother that I should (I read them years later and regretted my stubbornness). Once I got to school, I would haunt the library and take home as many books as I could carry. I even majored in English in college, which in no way destroyed my love of reading.

Perhaps, dear readers, I can share my passion for reading by discussing the books as I read them. I try to discuss things with my engineer hubby, but he is a very literal fellow and the only books we can really discuss and agree on are either mysteries or Scot Harvath/Mitch Rapp/Nathan McBride/Jack Reacher. I actually read some books in order to find him new series. He started reading for pleasure again last year and I want to keep him going on that! He works very hard and needs to refresh his brain with something that is totally unlike his work.To that end, I think he will like the Jammer Davis series by Ward Larsen, though there are only three books so far. He may also like the Red Cell Seven series by Stephen Frey. I read through 75% of the first book but abandoned it because the story was taking a long time to develop. He might like it.

Maybe tomorrow I will write about books that I have loved and that have impacted my life in some way. It should be an interesting journey. This post is already getting too long. Thanks for reading this!

#purpose #listbeth salander #books #reading #science fiction #mystery #book reviews #adult coloring #counted cross stitch

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debtfreeinthree · 7 years

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5 Worst Things to Buy When You're in Debt

If you’re trying to pay off your debt quickly, the biggest piece of advice I can give you is to look at what you’re spending your money on. Most of us think we don’t have any money leftover at the end of the month, but if we peek into our bank statements, we can find some.

After you’ve looked at your expenses, it’s time to figure out where you can cut back. Can you find a cheaper apartment? Can you refinance your loans to get a better rate? Can you shop at Aldi instead of Whole Foods? Some of your expenses – like your utility bill – you can’t change that much. But others you have a lot of control over.

There’s so much you can do to save money, and decreasing your expenses is one of the only ways to pay off your debt early. So here’s my list for the five things you shouldn’t spend money on when you’re in debt.

A New Car

Earlier this year, my husband and I said goodbye to our precious 2001 Toyota Highlander. It was the first car I ever loved driving, and it died on the highway while we were heading to a ski trip. When we were looking for a replacement, I was amazed at how much cars cost. I’ve always had a used car, and the first two I owned were given to me by my parents (side note: I realize how lucky and privileged I was).

When I tell people how I paid off my student loans, I usually mention that I budgeted every dollar and tried to live as frugally as possible. What I forget to mention is that even after college, I drove my 1999 Toyota Avalon.

It was only a few years ago that I realized how for many people, a car payment is normal. I didn’t notice this until one day I parked at work and noticed that my car was one of the oldest in the lot.

I was earning about $30,000 at the time, as were many of my coworkers. I was surprised. How does everyone have a nicer car than me? Am I really that broke?

One day, I was talking to a friend about her budget and she mentioned that she had credit card debt and a car loan. “Oh,” I thought. “That’s how everyone has a nice car. They finance them.”

Car loans have been getting longer and longer. About a decade ago, the average loan was five years long, but now terms are closer to 6.5 years. You can even find ones with 7-year terms.

Here’s why I hate car loans. If you take out a six-year loan for a $19,000 car, you’ll be paying about $342 month with today’s interest rates. that’s $342 you can’t put toward your student loans, retirement savings or emergency fund. After total fees and interest, you’d pay $20,540 for a car.

In my eyes, a car takes you from point A to point B. Sure, it’s great if it has a built-in GPS or it’s in your favorite color. But if you’re saddled with student loans, you do not need to think about that when you’re buying a car.

My new (used) car isn’t fancy. There’s no Sirius XM radio, no camera that tells me when I’m about to hit another car, no Bluetooth capabilities. But it only had 100,000 miles and got a clean bill of health from the mechanic. I know it’ll be a while before it needs some maintenance, and for now, I have no car payment.

Note: I’ll be writing a post soon about how to buy a used car in cash without getting a lemon. Stay tuned!

Eating Out

Most personal finance experts cite eating out as a huge budget killer. I’m one of them. I cannot get over how often people eat out. Part of that comes from a family where eating out was not an option. Even now, I feel a little guilty when I eat out if I could’ve grabbed something at home.

But let’s do the math. The average person eats out between 4 and 5 times a week. At $10 a meal, that’s at least $40 a week. Times 4 weeks a month is $160 or $1,920 a year. Doesn’t sound like a life-changing number?

If you have $20,000 in student loans at 6.5% interest and a $300 monthly payment, an extra $160 a month could help you pay off that balance two years ahead of schedule. Even if you cut back to eating out once a week, you’ll still reduce your term by one year. Now do you see why I’m so insistent about eating at home instead of a restaurant?

I’m also including food delivery services like Blue Apron (see my review of it here). Most of these cost about $9-$10 per meal and when you factor in time, it’s an even worse deal than eating out.

Solution: Making food at home is the best way to save money, but it can also lead to food waste if you’re not careful. Thankfully, the internet has TONS of resources on eating cheap and healthy. First, there’s the subreddit Eat Cheap and Healthy, where Redditors post their favorite cheap and healthy recipes.

One of the best resources is the $5 Meal Plan, developed by my friend Erin Chase. She has four kids and manages to create meals that cost about $2 a person. For $5 a month, Erin sends you meal plans, complete with shopping list. Gluten free or vegetarian? She has meal plans for those. If you find yourself avoiding grocery shopping because you don’t know what to buy or how to make your food last, I recommend giving those meal plans a try.

Leanne Brown has a cookbook, “Good and Cheap: Eat Well on $4 a Day” which details how even people living on SNAP benefits can eat well. It’s also available for free on PDF if you’re really looking to save money. Her book became famous because it’s one of the few resources available for people living below the poverty line who still want to eat healthy.

Another favorite is the blog, Budget Bytes. This was one of my favorite inspiration sites when I was paying off my student loans. One complaint is that she doesn’t use enough seasoning in her recipes, so keep that in mind.

Subscriptions

I love reading. It’s one of my favorite hobbies. But I often struggle with getting through books before they’re due at the library (I try to borrow books instead of buying them). Then I’m left with the option of renewing the book, which isn’t possible if the title is in high demand, or buying it, which is expensive given my love of literature. Today, I thought, “Maybe I should sign up for an Audible subscription so I can finish more books.”

I looked up the cost for an Audible subscription. The cheapest plan is $14.95 a month for one audiobook and 30% off any other purchases. If you don’t purchase a book, your credit will roll over to the next month. But here’s where they get you: the credits do roll over, but they can also expire. And when they do, that’s $14.95 down the drain.

I know you might be thinking, “What’s the big deal if it’s only $14.95?”

These types of subscriptions add up. If you have a Netflix, Hulu, Spotify and Audible subscription, you could be paying more than $100 a month for your entertainment. That’s not including any movies, concert tickets or museum exhibits.

Solution: Make a list of the subscriptions you have and rank them by price and how much you use them. When I was paying off my student loans, I canceled my Hulu subscription because I realized I used Netflix more. I also found out I can check out audible books from my libary for free.

New Designer Purses

This is another thing that baffled me as an adult. Why was I dragging around a purse I bought from Target when every other girl had a Kate Spade, Coach or Michael Kors bag? Was I missing out on some sort of 80% off sample sale where you could buy a leather clutch for $30?

Nope, I realized. That’s just what women buy. If you buy one purse and wear it for 10 years, it’s probably a good deal. But I find it hard to imagine that spending $300 on a Marc Jacobs cross body bag is a good idea if you have student loans, especially if you get a new purse every year.

Solution: If you still want a designer purse, at least buy it used through a site like ThredUp or Poshmark where you can save more than 50%. I also bought a Longchamp bag through eBay once for $47 or 60% off.

Salon Services

When I was a kid, my parents took me to the fancy hair salon. Every few months, I went and got a $50 haircut. My parents were middle-class, and I didn’t realize until later that they splurged on haircuts while foregoing eating out and buying designer clothes.

When I started paying for my own haircuts, I realized how expensive they were. Getting a $50 haircut every three months equaled $200 a year (more like $240 once I factored in tips). My solution? Get my hair cut less frequently. I also only got highlights once a year, instead of having them refreshed every time I went in.

I also mostly avoid manicures and pedicures and prefer to buy nail polish and do it at home. This is huge. For $10, you can buy a bottle of OPI or Essie polish (my personal favorites) and do it yourself. Even a cheap manicure will run you $15-$20.

Solution: Now that I’m in the process of dying my hair red, I realize how much money I saved by keeping my hair low maintenance. I could’ve saved even more if I had gone to a beauty school or low-cost salon, but I didn’t want to deviate from my favorite hairdresser. Search for beauty schools in your area to see what you can find. The local Aveda salon only charges $15-$20 for a haircut and $40-$75 for color.

Again, you don’t have to completely cut out manicures or pedicures from your budget. But think about cutting back, from once a month to once every two or three months. If you dye your hair, space out your appointments more. These small changes can add up quickly and can really reduce how long you’re in debt.

My Caveat

Everything I’ve listed here is my opinion. I don’t care about the kind of car I drive, so I think it’s silly to spend a lot of money on one. But if you really value your vehicle, then try to find a balance between your financial responsibilities and that sweet ride. Same for eating out, Kate Spade bags and manicures.

As my good friend Paula Pant says, you can afford anything, but you can’t afford everything. Choose one or two priorities you have besides your student loans and ignore the rest.

5 Worst Things to Buy When You’re in Debt was originally published on Debt Free After Three

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beyondthedreamline · 8 years

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10 favourite characters meme

The last time I did this meme, it was with characters from television, so this time I’m listing favourite characters from books (with the disclaimer that I have SO MANY favourite characters and this is only a small selection of them). I’ve tried to keep spoilers to a minimum, but no guarantees! I was tagged by @ghostcat3000.

Jane Eyre (Jane Eyre – Charlotte Brontë) ‘Who in the world cares for you? or who will be injured by what you do?’ Still indomitable was the reply - ‘I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.’ Jane is everything I most admire in a character: competent, kind-hearted, resolute and completely unstoppable once she makes up her mind. I am capable of fangirling over her for hours. St. John did not deserve ten minutes in her company and ought to be ashamed of himself.

Helen Huntingdon (The Tenant of Wildfell Hall – Anne Brontë) Yet let me remember it is not I that am guilty: I have no cause to fear; and if they scorn me as the victim of their guilt, I can pity their folly and despise their scorn. Several years back I borrowed an audiobook of this to listen to while I was spring-cleaning, and knew absolutely nothing about it other than it was written by Charlotte Brontë’s little sister. It was so revelatory in its excellence that I kept stopping to listen properly and in the end I had to borrow the book instead to read it for myself, at my own speed, i.e. fast. There’s an irritating male narrator who has a bigger role than he ever deserved in Helen’s life, but she gets to narrate most of her own story and she is MAGNIFICENT.

Ducon Greve (Ombria in Shadow – Patricia A. McKillip) Ducon stood at the edge of the shadow city, drawing. Deep within the hidden palace, he had been pulled like some perverse moth to the place that no light could penetrate. This is one of my favourite books in the world. It is so exquisitely written, a jewellery box of beautiful imagery, and tantalisingly open-ended as so many of McKillip’s novels are. I love all the characters in it, but Ducon Greve is the kind of charismatic, unknowable not-quite-an-anti-hero I can never resist. He sketches compulsively, gives strange yet sincere compliments and would do anything at all to keep his little cousin safe.

Sam Vimes (The Discworld series – Terry Pratchett) “I'm not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I'm supposed to keep the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I'm reading the wrong manual!” The Discworld books can’t really be separated from each other, building up as they do layer upon layer of world and character and story, but if I had to choose favourites, they would probably be Night Watch and Thud!, both of which are about Vimes, the policeman who raises the standard of policing over and over again. And so they are also about his city, because the two of them can’t be separated either.

Dustfinger (The Inkheart trilogy – Cornelia Funke) Dustfinger smiled. It was a bitter smile. It seemed to be saying: if only you knew! But you don’t know anything. You don’t understand anything. Dustfinger’s life is a string of bad decisions and worse luck. Every time I read the series, I want to wrap him in blankets and yell at him a bit and feed him soup.

Julie Beaufort-Stuart (Code Name Verity – Elizabeth Wein) You ignorant Quisling bastard...I AM SCOTTISH. This is a book to read at your own peril; it is gut-wrenching and just thinking about parts of it are enough to make me cry, but it is phenomenally well-written and Julie is utterly unforgettable. Her personality radiates off the page.

Maree Mallory (Deep Secret – Diana Wynne Jones) I told him, “Once more, my good man, gets you pins in a wax image, or worse. I’d do it now, and curse you into the bargain, only I’m crossed in love and haven’t the energy. Now you get out of my way.” Look, most of this book takes place at a science fiction and fantasy convention where actual centaurs rampage through the hotel and the lift is cursed. It’s the most fabulous romp. I adore so many characters in it but Maree, oh Maree, she’s so spiky and incisive and determined. I love her more every time I re-read it.

The Marquis de Carabas (Neverwhere – Neil Gaiman): He wore a huge dandyish black coat that was not quite a frock coat nor exactly a trenchcoat, and high black boots, and, beneath his coat, raggedy clothes. His eyes burned white in an extremely dark face. And he grinned white teeth, momentarily, as if at a private joke of his own, and bowed to Richard, and said, “De Carabas, at your service, and you are…?” Another of my favourite books. Actually, all the characters on this list come from favourite books of mine, that’s part of the reason they are my favourite books. The Marquis de Carabas is swashbuckling, unpredictable and named himself after a lie in a fairy tale, come on, how could I not love him?

Cath Avery (Fangirl – Rainbow Rowell) “Are you meeting people?”…“Not intentionally,” she said. Bookish, introverted, fanfic-writing, prickly and standoffish and painfully vulnerable; there was no way I wouldn’t get all protective over Cath Avery. And she has a love interest who’s actually worth her time, thank goodness.

Kate Schechter (The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul – Douglas Adams) “Are you?” simmered Kate. “Well, I’ve no doubt that if you’d picked a slack moment to mention all that, I might have taken an interest, but right now it just makes me very angry. Turn the damn lights on!” I read this book in my grandmother’s spare bedroom instead of watching an extremely irritating film with my family. I have a strong sense memory of dim light through blue curtains and the coverlet under my elbows as I read about gloriously preposterous things that, having had a misspent youth in the mythology section of my local library, I ate with a spoon. Dirk Gently himself is the kind of weird I delight in but Kate is a character I’d like to actually spend time with. And also steal all the things she puts in baths, because I have the same addiction she does.

There is an unexpectedly self-evident pattern here: apparently my catnip is competent, exasperated women and charmingly disastrous but ultimately well-intentioned men. Good to know. @theladyragnell, @fozmeadows, @tansyrr, @epoh920, are you interested in this meme? Anyone else who wants to give it a go, consider yourselves tagged!

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bpellerin · 7 years

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Kids who enjoy reading? Imagine that...

Great little rant in the Boston Globe magazine about summer reading programs libraries have.

"In June, my 6-year-old son got very excited about our town’s summer reading program, in which kids who read for a certain number of hours vote for a movie that gets screened at the library. For several days, he reminded me we had to track the time we spent reading and check boxes off his chart so he could participate. But then he spent time with a California friend whose library’s summer reading program offers passes to Disneyland. A free movie suddenly seemed lame by comparison. He lost interest in the program and, for a while, in books, too.

Across the Commonwealth, public libraries encouraged schoolchildren to read this summer by offering prizes, often related to the big screen or sports, for those who met the minimum number of hours or books. In Arlington, we had the free movie. In Boston, if you read three books, you were entered into a raffle for Red Sox tickets. Maynard’s raffle was for a new bicycle.

There’s nothing wrong with movies, or sports, or amusement parks — or with programs aimed at spurring children to read. What’s wrong is the underlying message that books are a chore and that kids who endure them deserve payback.

Why, I wonder, are civic programs framed around this assumption? Is it because most kids don’t like books? Because adults don’t like them, either? Or because parents and educators and even doctors talk so much about The Importance of Reading that we have forgotten it once was (and still could be) a widely enjoyed activity?

Couldn’t agree more. But also: What else did you expect? The entire North American educational culture has been slowly but surely moving in the direction of making everything related to learning a chore for many long years now, with the result that kids grow up not valuing playing with their imaginations because that won’t be on the test. It’s been so long now that many of those young kids’ parents and teachers were raised that way. Kids are surrounded by people who think learning and reading is a hassle to get over with so we can get back to sucking screen.

Children start pre-school programs earlier and earlier; it’s not uncommon for two- or three-year-olds to begin their pre-K education in school-like settings where parents very much expect they will learn skills that will give them a leg up when the time comes to start junior kindergarten. Once there, little kids are swallowed up by an educational machine that makes them sit in rows and pay attention to what the teacher is saying. Oh sure, there’s play involved. But the playing is relentlessly didactic, because the adults involved worry about educational achievements above just about everything else.

I’m all for educational achievements. But they don’t come from programs designed to measure and track children on flowcharts designed by a committee of educationators. Real learning happens when children themselves want to learn, in settings where their natural curiosity hasn’t been dulled by overly didactic programs.

In plain English: If you stick your toddlers and young children in a classroom and make them drill (with a song! and a dance! or a screen!) until they can regurgitate something measurable, you will kill their natural curiosity and make them think that everything you want them to do is a chore.

I have three daughters whom I’ve been homeschooling since birth. They are now 10, “almost 9” and 7. If they went to school they’d be entering grades 6, 4 and 2. But if you heard them speak or read out loud, you’d think the eldest was half-way through high school already. Both parents are writers, and we both put a lot of emphasis on reading, writing, and oral expression. This is not to boast (well, OK, but not much), but to illustrate my point.

My kids don’t have to sit around learning things for much longer than 60 or 90 minutes a day, which we tend to break up in chunks of 20-30 minutes, in between which they are allowed to stretch or play or read. They don’t have goals to meet, as far as their educational achievement goes. I do, but they don’t know what the goals are. They just keep learning stuff until I send them off. They’ve never had to take a formal test in their lives, and I believe it’s one of the main reasons why they are still excited to learn things, especially if it involves story-telling. (Math and piano practice, not so much.)

When they are not made to sit down and listen (i.e. the bulk of their average day), they are left to play by themselves. We don’t tell them what to do, we let them figure out their own games. They also read a lot. For fun, I mean. They have books we assign to them (we loosely follow a classical education curriculum and their assigned reading books tend to be classics of literature), but they are free to pick anything they like for their free reading. They have library cards and they use them like little fiends.

Our local library branch has one of those summer reading clubs where the kids earn stickers and small toys every time they finish a book – and then they get entered into a draw for a free book. I never pressured my kids to join it, but they’re all enrolled. And they love nothing better than to rush there to tell Kelly, the friendly and incredibly patient custodian of the kids’ section, about the books they’ve read.

They don’t do it to get the toys and stickers, although they enjoy those. Nobody would read three novels just to get stickers. If baseball tickets and Disney passes aren’t enough to entice non-reading kids to get lost in a book for fun, stickers certainly won’t do it. But my kids really do enjoy the reading, precisely because to them it’s not a chore.

One important point: with very rare exceptions we do not insist that they finish a book that doesn’t interest them. Instead we ask them to explain why they don’t like it. The explanation does not have to convince us but it must be coherent and grammatically correct. Some books are terribly dull, and often it’s a matter of taste whether we like a style or not. Sometimes a person isn’t ready for a particular title, for no obvious reason, and they’ll like it a lot a year later. Heck, it took me three tries and a dozen years finally to enjoy Les Misérables, who am I to push Little Women on kids who aren’t, at the moment, digging it?

Fortunately, for parents of children who are not so keen on reading, there is a remedy, and it involves getting your kids immersed in stories. Here’s how you do it: If they are young (it helps a lot to start this when they’re babies), read stories out loud to them. Not just bedtime stories either. Real stories that involve character development, heroes slaying beasts and people succeeding despite long odds. When our kids were little we read all the Dr. Seuss books to them, over and over again. We eventually graduated to the Narnia Chronicles, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Swallows and Amazons, that sort of thing. It didn’t matter that the kids were too little to understand the story. The point was for them to get used to hearing stories. To fill their little heads with sounds, poetry, rhythm, and images. We didn’t shy away from stories that featured bad people and tragedies. Real life is full of those and little ones need to know this, provided the stories make moral sense and preferably end well, because nightmares are no fun.

Nowadays we still read out loud to them. We also let them listen to audiobooks until their ears fall off. They now insist on doing some of the reading we do themselves, which is something we encourage because it lets them practice speaking properly and also because it gives us a chance to spot problematic words and correct their pronunciation where needed. We let them watch movies (not educational TV programs; those are banned around here), and every now and then we’ll pick up a screenplay and act it out together. Macbeth is a favorite; you should see the delight they take in impersonating those witches.

The result of all this is that my kids love being immersed in stories. When they play freely they often re-enact movies they’ve watched, and they have their own parallel Harry Potter universe. Their imaginations are engaged and they eagerly seek out new stories.

It’s never too late to engage your children in good storytelling. But you have to do it with them. Kids have a very annoying habit of ignoring what we say and paying attention to what we do. If they never see us excited about a story, they’ll just think we’re trying to get rid of them when we send them to read. Watch movies together and discuss them – play with alternate endings, ask them how they’d want certain characters to behave instead, and see where their imagination takes them. Don’t expect too much at first. Treat imagination like a muscle; if your kids have already spent a few years in a school system that privileges measurable achievements over free play, they’ll need some practice. But the payoff is amazingly worthwhile.

Plus you’ll save loads of money on Disney passes.

#education #kids #books #homeschooling #learning

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kristablogs · 5 years

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The best ways to legally stream movies and TV for free

Why pay for the cow when you can have the milk for free? (JESHOOTS.COM via Unsplash/)

When trusty ol’ streaming platforms start to feel a little stale, you don’t have to resort to binging Parks & Recreation for the fifth time (though it couldn’t hurt, honestly). If you’re stuck inside looking for things to watch, you might be surprised by how many free movies and shows are ripe for the picking on your TV.

Whether you’re using your TV’s built-in smart features or a standalone set-top box like the Roku or Apple TV, you’ll find a huge selection of channels that have some free content, even well-known names like NBC, Fox, and Adult Swim. Many of those are limited if you don’t have a cable subscription, but some, including those with lesser-known names, offer whole movies and TV seasons for no cost at all.

First, temper your expectations just a tad. These channels are free for a reason, so they won’t have tons of big-budget flicks or the latest releases. Mostly, you’ll find a lot of B-movies and classic sitcoms, with a few standouts from more recent years mixed in. There’s also a decent amount of crossover, and catalogues rotate periodically, just like Netflix. Depending on when you’re reading this, the titles below may no longer be available, but they will give you an idea of what the selection and experience looks like.

Crackle

Sony’s Crackle channel has quite a large selection for a free channel, with lots of genres to choose from. Whether you’re a horror fan, an action nut, or just looking for a comedy, you’ll probably find something here. You’ll find critically-acclaimed movies like Fury and The Social Network alongside older titles like the Ace Ventura series, Failure to Launch, Midnight in Paris, and (weirdly) some classic sequels like Airplane II, Naked Gun 33 ½, and some of the Star Trek movies. It also has lots of classic sitcoms, plus also a few recent shows that were decent but didn’t do well, like Marry Me and Mr. Sunshine. There are probably some great ones I didn’t get to see, though, because browsing the app on my Roku was a terrible experience—the platform has only one visible row and an auto-playing video in the background. But if you can put up with that, there’s definitely a lot to watch.

Vudu

There you go—now you're ready for movie night. (Javardh via Unsplash/)

Vudu is primarily a movie-and-TV-buying service, with rentals and purchases similar to iTunes or the Google Play store. It does, however, have a decent selection of free stuff you can watch with ads, from movies like the Lethal Weapon series, V for Vendetta, or—if you need something a bit more upbeat—Superbad and Happy Feet. It has a few TV shows, but its definite strength lies in feature-length films, so check it out if you’re looking for a way to kill a couple hours.

The Roku Channel

Roku has curated their own channel of free movies and TV, showcasing slightly older movies like Hook, The Karate Kid, and Rudy, alongside TV shows like Schitt’s Creek, Without a Trace, and a stable of classic sitcoms like Bewitched. There’s also a lot of reality TV. It’s primarily designed for Roku users (obviously), but it’s also on the web and mobile devices, so you can watch it through your Fire TV’s browser or through AirPlay on your Apple TV.

Tubi

Tubi is not a household name, but I found the app pleasant with a decent selection of usual classic titles, alongside moderately-recent movies like Minority Report, Black Hawk Down, and Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Unlike some of the other channels, though, it has a lot of specific, easily browsable categories like family movies, black cinema, and the cleverly-titled “Not on Netflix,” which makes it a bit easier to find something you’re bound to like.

Filmrise

"Ok, tell me the truth: Can you tell I spent the last two weeks watching '70s Batman?" (Eye for Ebony via Unsplash\/)

Filmrise is one of the few channels that keeps things simple: It’s a big list of movies in a basic interface that’s easy to browse and shares a lot of content with other free channels. I did find some fun titles like Lars and the Real Girl, Legally Blonde, The Illusionist, and Memento (one of my personal favorites). It has a few lesser-known TV shows as well, alongside a few bigger names like 3rd Rock from the Sun, Adam West’s Batman, and lots of Gordon Ramsay. You’ll find those elsewhere, too, but Filmrise has one section I didn’t see lots of other places: live concerts. So if you feel like watching a performance from the Rolling Stones, The Who, Stone Temple Pilots, or Dream Theater, Filmrise has a few to choose from.

Popcornflix

Similar to Filmrise, Popcornflix is a simple, browsable database of free movies and shows. You’ll find classics like Clue and the original Italian Job, modern comedies like Young Adult and She’s Out of My League (which I maintain is funnier than it gets credit for), and some action thrown in for good measure. There’s an awful lot of crossover with other free channels on this list, but it’s worth a peek anyway.

Pluto TV

Pluto TV is a bit different from your typical streaming channels. Instead of a selection of always-available movies and shows, Pluto TV is more like Live TV, with “channels” like BET, Comedy Central, Fox Sports, Spike, Westerns, and even a 007 channel playing classic Bond films 24/7. You can’t start a movie from the beginning, so you’ll have to do things the old-school way and watch what’s currently on. But I suppose it’s nice if you’re the kind of person that likes to flip around channels rather than deal with a single decision. You may also find this built-in to your TV as its own input: Samsung calls it TV Plus, and Vizio calls it WatchFree.

Crunchyroll

Side effects of watching too much Crunchyroll include: an unquenchable thirst to do cosplay, sparrow face, and captioning your Instagram photos with "uwu." (doil oh via Unsplash /)

If you’re an anime fan, you probably already know about Crunchyroll. If you aren’t an anime fan—or you were in the past but haven’t kept up—there’s plenty to (re)discover here. The selection of shows is huge, and most of them are available for free, with the main exception being the latest episodes of some newer titles. You’ll just have to put up with ads unless you pony up.

Plex

While Plex started out as a way for you to stream your own shows across your home network, the company has expanded into a ton of streaming content, including news, web series, movies and shows. It’s a similar type of selection you see with other services, with a few standout titles like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (which is leaving in March) and Killing Them Softly, plus some good but lesser-known series like The Dresden Files. Browsing will be familiar to anyone with a Netflix account, and Plex does a good job of splitting its large library up into more specific categories for easy browsing. You do, however, need a free account to stream.

Hoopla

Hoopla isn’t available to everyone, instead partnering with some local libraries and schools across the country to provide streaming movies, shows, and audiobooks to their members. You’ll find a similar selection to the above streaming services, but it also has titles I didn’t see in many other channels, like What We Do in the Shadows (seriously, watch it) and Good Will Hunting. It also has a remarkably large selection of family-oriented stuff, from The Pokémon Movie to 13 Going On 30. You’ll need to create a free account, but as long as your local library is supported by Hoopla—you can check when you sign up—you’ll have a pretty big selection to choose from.

Sling TV

If you’ve cut cable TV out of your life, you probably know all about Sling, the pseudo-a-la-carte live TV replacement. But alongside its live channels, Sling has a selection of free streaming content that you can watch without an account. A lot of it is news-based, but you’ll also find a few shows like the 21 Jump Street TV series, Hell’s Kitchen, and Grounded for Life. Sling’s free selection is probably one of the weaker I’ve seen (as most of its notable shows are available on other channels), but it’s worth checking out as you browse.

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scootoaster · 5 years

Text

The best ways to legally stream movies and TV for free

Why pay for the cow when you can have the milk for free? (JESHOOTS.COM via Unsplash/)

Crackle

Vudu

There you go—now you're ready for movie night. (Javardh via Unsplash/)

The Roku Channel

Tubi

Filmrise

"Ok, tell me the truth: Can you tell I spent the last two weeks watching '70s Batman?" (Eye for Ebony via Unsplash\/)

Popcornflix

Pluto TV

Crunchyroll

Side effects of watching too much Crunchyroll include: an unquenchable thirst to do cosplay, sparrow face, and captioning your Instagram photos with "uwu." (doil oh via Unsplash /)

Plex

Hoopla

Sling TV

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