#and i while i want to. i firstly have TO CHOOSE ONE

[marinaimsure]

my mom asked me to look up my future job’s (based on my degree) possibilities in canada. 

for context, i’ve looked up how a biomedical scientist gets paid (from lowest to highest wages) in many countries in europe because, yes, i wanna work in that field and yeah, i wanna leave greece. but i also do care about quality of life etc etc. the reason she asked me that is bcuz i have some cousins who live there and would be able to help me initially, until i’d be able to get my own place or whatever. 

and while i also have cousins and uncles and aunts on the US, im lowkey scared to live there hehe :,) 

[dotster001]

For Tuna; The Search Continues

Summary:gn!reader Grin has begun round two of his search for his your sugar daddy. Luckily, this time he got a babysitter for you, so no interruptions!

This is such a crack fic...And I deeply love it 😂

A/N: It's in my pinned post, and I've mentioned this in a couple posts, but if this is the first of my stuff you've read, I view NRC as an actual college, so reader here is 18+. If it makes you more comfy, imagine it as grad school age.

Part One Part three choose your ending...

"Thank you all for meeting me here," Grim said to the crowd of people. "And thank you all for the gifts. They shall be taken into consideration. Now, today will go as such."

He looked around the room in confusion. "Wait, it appears we are one person short, I guess-"

"Yeah! Me!" Floyd bursted into the room, revealing Jade clutching his cheek, and sitting on the floor.

"What the hell, Sealie! We had a deal! You promised I was in!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Grim shifted in his seat nervously.

"Then I'm gonna squeeze you so hard you have to remember!" Floyd made to rush Grim, as Azul wrapped his arms around Floyd's middle, not even seeming to break a sweat as Floyd "ran" in place.

"Jade, please come get your brother, before he kills Grim and ruins it for everyone."

"I tried to stop him," Jade hummed as he retrieved his brother.

"Sure you did," Azul sighed, casting a quick stun spell so Jade could  get him out of the room. Once things had settled down, Grim called for silence again.

He put on a wig styled in your style and color.

"You will court me as though I am Y/N. You will only move on to the next round if you prove yourself here today. Any questions?"

Idia raised his hand.

"Yeah, who are the normies?"

He pointed at the two random Octavinelle students sitting at the table.

"Ah, yes. Two of our applicants couldn't be here today. They have special circumstances surrounding their absences, so they will be doing their tests at a later date. These two are here to remind you all to step it up."

Rook raised his hand. "Not a question, I just want to say your fur is looking soft and luscious today, monsieur Fuzzball."

Leona, Riddle, and Malleus all groaned and mumbled to themselves, while Vil massaged his temples in pure exhaustion.

"Thank you, Rook," Grim said with a smug smirk. "An anonymous donor has been providing me with a new fur product." Rook winked at him before grinning at Vil.

Silver raised his hand. Lilia attempted to shove it down, but it was too late.

"Again, this feels wrong to me. Firstly because Y/N has no idea about any of this, and secondly, because Y/N should pick their lover! I mean we've all known the prefect long enough to know that-"

"Look!" Grim slammed his clipboard on the table, calling for silence. "I've had enough of you and your goody two shoes ways! The only reason you made it through to this round is because the prefect says you're "baby girl", and I want to say I at least tried to think about Y/N in this process, but if you don't get it together, I'm cutting you completely!"

Silver looked at Lilia in wide eyed confusion, and saw Lilia was grinning. He wasn't sure which was scarier. Not knowing what the hell Grim was talking about, or the fact that his father seemed to be very pleased by it.

"If there are no more questions, then I will give you all the scenario. You are to act as though this is your anniversary dinner. Some of you have already lost points, because you forgot a gift," Grim pointedly glared at Silver.

"Oh! I almost forgot. Silver entrusted me with his gift," Lilia said, excitedly pulling out a gift bag.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes. You did."

Silver shrunk into his chair, as Grim happily accepted the present.

"Alright then. Now," Grim cleared his throat, then in a horrendous mockery of your voice, "Let us begin."

….

"Yo! Y/N!" 

You heard Ace's voice shout behind you as you kneaded the bread dough Trey had asked you to help with.

You turned over your shoulder, in time to miss Trey's expression darken.

"What's u-"

"Ace!" Trey shouted, startling both of you into silence.

"Perfect timing, I need to speak with you. In private," Trey said through gritted teeth, attempting to cover up his earlier blunder with a smile.

"What? No don't distract me, I'm here to-" but Ace was cut off as Trey not so subtly shoved him out of the kitchen, telling you they'd be back in a minute.

"Trey, with all due respect, what the fuck? You know full well that right now, Grim is running a practice date with-"

"Ace, shut up for just one moment, I'm trying to help you!"

Ace's mouth snapped shut in shock.

"My first question is, did you have to take out a loan to be able to afford to come here?"

"Yeah everyone has to-"

"The kind of numbers we are fighting against is people who have so much money, that they might as well not have even come here, because they definitely don't have to work a day in their lives."

"But Y/N doesn't care about-"

"Ace, seriously. I need you to think this through, or I'm leaving you here to rot," Trey said tiredly. "No, Y/N doesn't care about money. But they care about Grim. Grim, if he's as smart as I'm starting to suspect he is, is going to make his final pick, then spin it as a fairytale choice for Y/N. He'll wait long enough that they have forgotten about him interviewing people, and he'll come in with a sad little face and be like, 'Y/N, you're my family, but I'm worried that I can't give you everything you need.' And he'll continue to say stuff like that, and lay the ground work, until one day he sets up a cutsie spontaneous date in the living room with his chosen suitor."

Ace frowned for a moment. "That's…that's actually pretty smart. But Y/N says Grim's a dumb ass all the time. Why would they listen to his arguments now?"

"Ace, sevens, I shouldn't have to spell everything out for you. There's a difference between "my dumbass friend" and "my dumbass roommate, who is wholly reliant on me, who is also my cat, and who is my only family in this world"."

Ace pouted for a moment, before spitting out, "It's not fair! How are we supposed to even compete then!"

Trey grinned. "Well, we're here, and they're there. The plan doesn't work if Y/N has already picked someone before Grim has."

Ace broke out into a grin. "Trey, you're just as devious as the rest of us!"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now, do you want to help Y/N and I make bread? This is a one time offer, after this you're on your own."

"Absolutely. Nothing like making bread amongst friends."

….

"Riddle, it was so very wonderful that they allowed you to have our anniversary dinner off," Grim hummed as he cut a piece of meat. "Unlike last year…" he sighed whistfully.

Riddle gritted his teeth. "I'm sorry, my rose, but it was unavoidable. I had to perform life saving surgery."

"You always say that. I'm starting to think you are avoiding me…."

Before Riddle could come up with a response, Malleus had risen from his seat and knelt before Grim.

"My treasure, our lives these last few years have been so wonderful, especially since we have been able to provide the Great Grim with his own estate, and a lifetime supply of sea meat. But I feel I cannot truly continue to share anniversaries with you, unless," he looked at the floor bashfully, "Unless they were with you ruling by my side."

Suddenly, a shimmering ring appeared in his hand.

Grim gasped. "Darling!"

"No fucking fair!" Idia shouted.

"Agreed, this stinks of deceit, lizard," Leona spit out angrily.

Rook subtly returned the ring box he'd been holding to his pocket.

"All's fair in love and war!" Lilia said with a boyish laugh. "But I suppose it is time for my move now."

He stood up from his seat, composing himself, before putting on a face of pure horror.

"My little bat, I beg you not to accept his proposal! You see, as his longtime attendant, and closest adviser, and general of his armies-"

"General?" Vil muttered under his breath, as he furrowed his brow in utter confusion.

"Aim high, I guess," Riddle muttered back.

"I have come to the terrible knowledge that, his highness, king of those who worship darkness, and highest of all draconic fae, has been seeing another on the side!"

"No!" Grim gasped.

"That's a vicious lie!" Malleus spit out, a green thunderbolt striking the ground behind him.

"Is it? Then why did I see you roaming the grounds in a lover's embrace with Silver yesterday?"

"What!" Silver shot up from his seat.

"No, that wasn't what it looked like!"

"Malleus! How could you do this to me? And on our anniversary no less?" Grim sobbed.

Malleus rushed to explain himself, while Lilia handed Silver a notecard.

"No! I'm not…I'm not reading this!" Silver exclaimed.

"Just do it! It's fun!" Lilia laughed, completely ignoring the sobbing Grim, and terrified Malleus.

"No! Fa-Lilia, how does this not seem weird to you in any way? How are you okay with any of this?"

Lilia stared at him blankly, before understanding dawned on his eyes. "Oh, right, see because I raised you so well, I sometimes forget you are human. But we do this all the time back home. I've hosted three of these for you already." 

Lilia shrugged, totally ignoring Silver's jaw dropping. 

"Obviously, no one has been worthy of my precious Silver, but I figure if anyone is it's Y/N. See if you win, you get Y/N, and I've raised the perfect son. If I win…well your odds are high of also someday finding a kick ass person."

Silver would have yelled at his father about the Insanity of his thought process, except he collapsed back in his chair and was asleep.

"That's it!" Grim shouted. "I'm clearly not enough for you! It's over!"

Malleus started sobbing. 

"For seven's sake," Vil groaned, before standing up, and stepping around Malleus' fetal positioned body. "Darling, I decided we're finally going to go on that vacation we've always dreamed about. And Grim will obviously come too, with all the gold and food  he could ever wish for. Happy anniversary, my apple blossom."

"Oh Vil, how romantic!" The betrayal from earlier completely forgotten, Grim sighed happily.

"But how are we able to afford it?"

"Sorry?" Vil choked.

"Your manager called this morning. She says no one wants to cast you anymore because you're too old."

"Excu-!"

"Vil, you're almost 25 now," Grim said pointedly. "You're practically dead in the industry, and those looks are only going to hold up for so long."

"I bought you an island!" Idia shouted over the table.

"Oh?"

"I bought you an island, and the ocean around it," Azul said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah? And how is Y/N supposed to get there, if I bought all the yachts, and patented all travel technology for myself?!" Idia shouted, hair turning a deep crimson.

"I will turn Y/N into the siren they were always meant to be, and they will swim to our island and oceanic home, far away from the dystopia of you running everything!" Azul hissed.

"Capitalist dipshit!" Idia yelled, before launching himself at Azul, both of them soon wrestling on the floor.

In the chaos, Rook, had snuck over to Grim and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"Mon amour, let us escape this room to explore parad-"

Leona yanked him by the collar, looking him right in the face.

"Back away from my mate, hunter."

"Oh Rois des Leones. I shan't surrender to you."

And now Leona and Rook were wrestling.

"Look, darling, I meant to get last year's anniversary off, but-" 

"Save it, Riddle," Grim somehow managed to get his sniffle to carry over the fighting. "All you care about is work!"

"It's the only way to afford the lifestyle I want to give you! I want to clothe you in finery the Queen of Hearts could only dream of!"

"If only I could believe that was true, you're only doing this to please your mother."

"I'm not old!" Vil suddenly shouted, as one of the wrestling duos hit the table too hard and caused it to collapse.

Grim pushed back a lock of Vil's hair, and smirked. "Is this a gray hair I see?"

"What?" Vil panicked and pulled out his mirror, before tripping over the still sobbing Malleus.

"Little bat, our romance is forbidden,"Lilia whispered into Grim's ear. "But now that you know Malleus is cheating on you, we can run away together! Start our own kingdom elsewhere! We'll be so happy together!"

"Lilia, I am flattered, but I think I should try to make it work with Malleus…"

"What? After all he's done to you? He tore out your heart and gave it to Silver!" Lilia shouted, before pointing at the seat Silver was passed out in. Or used to be passed out in.

"Where did Silver go?" It was the last thing Lilia got out before getting knocked over by a wrestling duo.

….

Silver wandered aimlessly through the NRC halls, trying to clear his head. 

"Silver?" He heard from behind him. He turned and saw Jamil, holding a bag of ingredients.

"If you're looking for, well, everyone, they're baking in Heartslaybul. I'm headed there right now with more flour of you want to come."

Silver nodded, figuring some baking would help him relax. When they arrived he saw you, the first years, Trey, Cater, Ruggie, Kalim and  Ortho, all baking in harmony.

"Trey, I brought Silver and the flour you texted for- Kalim! What are you doing here!" Jamil's calm voice turned into panicked yelling.

"What do you mean?" Kalim's asked, all confused. But Jamil was already shoving him out the door.

"You're supposed to be at…that thing. Remember? We talked about it?"

"Oh yeah! The thing where grikahzj" Jamil covered Kalim's mouth as they both stepped out the door.

"Well, since Kalim is gone, you can help me with kneading the dough, Silver," you said with a bright smile.

Silver smiled softly, and nodded, before joining you at your station.

….

Epilogue

One week later 

"Darling! I'm the headmaster, I can't just take off because our anniversary happens to be in the middle of a school week! You said you understood that when we got married!"

"You told me you were fine that I had a career in fashion! You know I think you are more beautiful than any model, why are you jealous now?"

Grim simpered in his seat, taking a sip of his apple juice, before saying in his Y/N voice, "I think we should see other people. Happy anniversary."

"No!"

....

Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic @supertmntgirl @cxsmicdustdreams @aethermostbeloved @krystalkiller25 @asmallbean3 @theneurodivergentdummy @candlewitch-cryptic @smilingfox22-blog

[sykostyles]

let you love me 1.0

wc: 3.3k summary: in which y/n is a 26 year old bakery owner and she can't quite get this whole "love" thing right; settling on finding solace in being alone. One day, Jackson Cole: an egotistical, but oh so charismatic professional quarterback comes along and swears he can change her mind.. and for a while he does. nearly two years of breaking down her walls.. but they seem to argue about one thing a lot. y/n's "negativity". she swears she's not trying ro be a pessimist.. it just works out better for her if she keeps her expectations low. But what happens when she meets a handsome stranger, who wants nothing more than to see her smile? Will she push everything away again or will she finally accept the love she deserves? or ; tldr sunshine!harry x grumpy! afab reader part two, three, extra

a/n: firstly, I need to thank @freedomfireflies for being so kind, and accepting, and encouraging.. and so many other wonderful adjectives.. but seriously, thank you for giving me the courage to just take the plunge and write the damn thing. anddd for being my beta reader!! getting mother fireflies' stamp of approval has to mean its worthy for everyone else to see.. right? welcome to my first story! please do tell if you enjoyed! (there will be more to this, I'm working on it now <3)

cw: this story contains suggestive and explicit language, minor descriptions of violence, and verbal abuse. please do not continue if these topics upset you!

You knew you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. You weren’t sure why you thought this time would be any different. Because he was somebody? Because he had a title? Or was it because he showed a genuine interest in you? Was it because he made the effort unlike most of your previous partners? You weren’t sure. The only thing you were sure of? This time, it hurt. A lot.

You curse yourself as you walk hastily back to get back to your car at the far end of the parking lot. Jackson had a lot of nerve asking you to bring him his practice bag all the way from your apartment, to then basically dump you in the stadium corridor. As you’re rounding the final corner to finally escape the thickening air in the stadium, you’re completely lost in your thoughts, thinking back to the conversation you had just left behind..

“Hey, baby, thanks for bringing that. Coach was about to have my ass again.” Jackson breathes out as he sees you round the corner near the locker rooms. He takes the bag from your grasp, and places his other hand on the small of your back, pulling you into his front. Your hands instinctively reach for the nape of his neck; nimble fingers tangle in his wet hair at the base.

“Oh, but of course! Who would I be to not close up my shop early, again. Run all the way home to get your bag, again. Run all the way here just to step in and save the day for my big, strong man? Again.” You giggle, leaning up for a kiss. 

That’s how it’s always been. Y/N is as sarcastic and as teasing as they come. She explains it as “playful bullying” and swears she doesn’t mean anything by it. She has genuine feelings in there somewhere, but she thinks nobody but her needs to know that. She just chooses to portray her affection in rather questionable ways.. In speaking terms, if she’s not being “mean” to you, she doesn’t like you. But she’s tried so hard to get better at it. She swears.

“Do you really have to do that now?” Jackson asks, tilting his head out of the way, dodging your kiss. You look up at him with shocked eyes.

“Do what? Save your ass? As you so graciously put it.” You say, rolling your eyes, attempting to kiss your boyfriend for a second time.

“No, Y/N, that.” He says, trying to pull from your grasp, rejecting you yet again.

“Jackson, I’m not following. Use your words.” you say, turning his head to force him to keep eye contact.

He wasn’t running from this when you spent forty minutes of your evening bringing him his bag for the umpteenth time in your relationship. Not to mention the possible business you're missing out on by closing early. Again.

“Oh my god, you’re still doing it! You’re talking to me like I’m stupid.” he says, stepping back again, attempting to free himself from your hold.

You stand there, stunned. 

“He really is like all the others..” flashes in your mind.

“In what world is me teasing you about bringing you your practice bag, again, insinuating that you’re stupid?” You ask, reaching up to cup his face. “Forgetful? Maybe.” Your thumb making its way across the apple of his cheek

“See, you can't even make one single statement without attacking my character, even when you’re trying to explain yourself.”

“I’m not trying to explain myself, Jackson, I’m trying to understand what you’re talking about. And I’m not attacking your character, Jacky, I’m just teasing you. You know that.”

“You’re always like this. I can’t deal with this right now.” He says, grabbing your wrist, pulling your touch from his face.

“Can’t deal with what? Jackson, I haven’t done anything. Are you having a bad day or something? You were fine this morn– ” You start to say, tugging your wrist from his grasp.

“Just– Go home. I can’t deal with you right now, okay? I have a practice to get to.” He says, turning to walk into the locker room, but is stopped dead in his tracks..

“Jackson Wyatt Cole, you are not just going to walk away from this right now! You can’t just spout this nonsense and then turn into a child when asked to explain yourself. Now, either explain yourself or find someone else to bring you your bag the next time you forget it.” You seethe. 

His head ticks to the side before he slowly turns to face you. Seeing the face you’d grown to love over the last nearly two years shouldn’t scare you, but in this moment you did not recognize him.

“You have got to be the definition of ungrateful.” Oh, he wants to do this now?

“For the greater part of two years I have given you everything and you still think you can talk to me like that?” Jackson starts to raise his voice, noticing the growing audience in the locker room hallway, and the curious gazes from all directions. Please don’t do this now..

“You’re always so mean to me. You know that?” I swear I don’t mean to be.. 

“You make me question every choice I make.” I’m just an overthinker, I don’t mean anything by it..

“Even the other girlfriends and wives ask how I deal with your attitude." Okay, ouch. 

“You don’t think before you speak, it makes you look so rude.” That one’s true.. I’m trying, I promise..  

“You’re so unbelievably condescending when someone tries to make friends with you.” I’m sorry.. I swear I don't mean anything by it.. 

“You think you’re right in every instance, including now. You could have just given me my bag, gotten a kiss and been on your way. But no, you’re here, holding me up, by being a right bitch. So, maybe I should find someone else, because all I can see right now is someone I’m not sure I want to waste my time and effort on anymore.” Okay.. wow. Um. Alright.. Lay it all out in front of your teammates, why don’t you?

You just let him sit there and berate you. Like a child.

That was it. He’d broken through that exterior. That rock solid exterior that you’d spend years building up. It all came tumbling down with just a few words from someone you thought you loved; someone you thought finally loved you. This is what it always came down to when you argued; your inability to see how great things were around you, always settling on the negative sides of things. Always responding with snarky comments, never meeting anyone elses enthusiasm, etc. Normally, you’d be able to hold your own and fight back, but he was using your insecurities and anxieties against you, with an audience nonetheless! How did harmless teasing turn into this?

“I’m.. s-sorry, Jacky.” You finally choked out, tears threatening to spill over. You wanted to stand here and keep arguing. “I’m not any of those things!” You want to yell. But deep down, you know that you are. Not by your own choice though. Through years of failed relationships and tainted family ties, you had become this person. You became this angry, pessimistic, shell of a girl who really only wanted to love, and to be loved, but you had no idea how to really do either of those things. 

You never intended to turn out this way; it just happened. 

And it just makes it easier in situations like this.. 

Right?

“Go home, Y/N. We’ll talk later.’ Jackson sighs, leaving you in the corridor.

Rounding that corner in the parking lot, you don’t even spare a glance and end up walking right into the broad chest of a man. Hands reach up and grasp your shoulders, keeping you from toppling over. Your hands shoot up, grabbing the lapels of his jacket.

“Woah there, love. I gotcha.” you hear. 

Looking up, you’re met with the loveliest emerald eyes you’d ever seen. A smile, that should be illegal to be that bright.. And the jawline? Don’t even get me started! But, with your current state, you couldn’t have cared less in that moment what he looked like. 

You slowly straightened up, dropping your grasp on his jacket.

“Sorry.” you stated, your eyes looking anywhere but his face. “You can let go now.” 

“My apologies, Love.” The man says, letting his hold on your shoulders go. He studies you for a moment, glancing over the features of your face. Taking in your flushed cheeks, teary and swollen eyes, and your all but quivering bottom lip.

You roll your eyes at his use of the moniker again. 

“Don’t call me that.” You mutter, glancing around, noticing the band of guys trailing behind this stranger.

He chuckles, “Well, what should I call you? M’ Harry, by the way.” He asks, reaching inside his jacket, he grabs a tissue and holds it out towards you. 

“Does it matter?” You bite out, ignoring his gesture. “I’m kind of in a hurry, here. So if you don’t mind.” You say, starting to walk around him. “This is exactly what Jackson was talking about.” you think to yourself. 

But you deter none, and continue your journey to your car. Once inside, the tears just flow. 

Jackson was supposed to be different. He’s the one who sought you out after all. 

He met you when he was picking up a cake his dad ordered for his mothers birthday.

He was smitten ever since. 

Made all the efforts to make you feel special. Stopped in your bakery every single day to bring you coffee from your favorite shop down the street. Flowers were delivered constantly; especially since you mentioned that yellow tulips were your favorite.

“I don’t really date anymore.” You admitted when he’d asked you to let him take you out for the thousandth time. 

“Too many bad experiences?” He questions.

“Yeah, you could say that.” You frowned, thinking back on a few of them.

Eventually, he slowly started to break down your walls and swore he’d change your mind. Even went so far as to listen to your worries and promised to face them with you.. 

But here he was, using them against you; just like everyone else did. 

What you didn’t know, the moment you were out of sight, the man that you had left standing there turned to his assistant on his right, 

“Ryan, was that the woman arguing with Cole?”

“Indeed, sir. Would you like her banned from stadium grounds for speaking to you like that?” Ryan asks, pulling his phone from his jacket.

“On the contrary, Ryan.” I intend to put a smile back on her face. “Please, get me her information.”

“Right away, Mr. Styles.”

Getting back to your apartment was a task in and of itself, considering it's hard to see when you’re bawling your eyes out. Walking in, you’re immediately met with the dread of Jackson eventually coming home. 

You shed yourself of your jacket, and set your keys down on the counter. Glancing around the kitchen, you stop your gaze on the vase of flowers that was delivered to you just two mornings ago. Approaching the counter, you pick up the card stuck to the front of the vase.

“Saw these and thought of you. Hope they brighten your day a little. Have a great day, my love. -Jackson”

What had happened in the last two days?

What had happened since this morning? 

You sat there immediately picking apart every interaction you’ve had with him over the time span.. You thought everything was fine. He usually loved your playful banter. He never complained before about your snide tongue when it came to him. He claimed it was one of his favorite things about you.. 

What changed since this morning?

“Okay, tough guy, I get it, you’re the boss.” You chuckle, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. Although you don’t make it very far before you’re tugged right back down, being caged in by the man above you, sending you into a fit of giggles

“Oh, princess, I don't think you do.” Jackson says, sliding his hand up your side before settling on the side of your neck.

“Princess? Wouldn’t that mean you’d have to be a prince?”

“Does that bother you?” He questions.

“Well, considering you’re more of a frog than a prince, I don’t think it’s very accurate”

“What did you just call me?” He asks, wrapping his fingers lightly around the front of your throat. A sly smile forms on his face at the feeling of your breath hitching beneath his fingertips.

“A frog. Do you want me to spell it for you, baby?” You quip, smirking as you feel him increase the pressure on the sides of your throat.

“You’re going to forget how to spell your own name by the time I'm done with you, brat.”

“Mm, is that a threat or a promise, tough guy?” You challenge, reaching up to tangle your hands in his hair.

“I’ll let you decide, princess.” He says, claiming your lips in a searing kiss.

Normally he could go back and forth with you without a thought. Did he not find it playful anymore? Was he repulsed by you now? Did he really want to find someone else? 

He was fine this morning! 

You were driving yourself crazy. You weren’t sure you wanted to fight anymore. Not just fight with him, but fight for him. You sat back and thought more about what exactly he’d said to you. “Even the other wives and girlfriends ask how I deal with your attitude.”

So were you the topic of conversation a lot? Was your inability to act like the other (mostly) fake girlfriends and wives a problem? 

Were you really that big of a problem? 

You knew you could be a handful, but you never thought it would be like this.

Luckily for you, your bakery still has an apartment unit upstairs. Your old bed was currently calling your name, so, you made a drastic decision at that moment and you were going to stick to it. 

You were going to remove yourself from the situation before it could get turned into anything else. It was time to run. Not that you were going to run far, just away from whatever this was turning into, no matter how much it hurt in this moment  

Eventually, you stood and walked to your shared bedroom. You grabbed your carry-on suitcase, which was always packed for the times you were given no notice about accompanying Jackson to an away game, and you retreated back into the living room.

You grabbed a notebook and a pen from Jackson’s office, and had a seat at the kitchen island. Just as you were about to start writing what you were thinking, the front door swung open and in walked Jackson. 

“H-hey.” you squeaked out, dropping your pen on the counter.

“Mm, hey.” he responds, dropping his bag on the counter next to you. He walks towards the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and walking back to be across from you at the island. 

“What’s that?” he asks, nodding his chin towards the open notebook in front of you, seeing “Jackson,” written at the top. “You writing me an apology letter?”

You scoffed, “I’m sorry?”

“Well that’s a start. Keep going.” He grins.

“I’m not, that’s no-“ you start, but his anger bubbles over and he’s already interrupting you, waving his hand in the air to silence you.

“You’re going to sit there and tell me that you’re not going to apologize to me? For causing a scene in front of my teammates? In front of Coach? The owner? The other girlfriends?” 

“Is that what this is about? What other people think of me? You’re always bringing up what the other girlfriends think.” Tears begin welling in the corners of your eyes, once again.

It is true that you’re nothing like the other girlfriends and wives of the players. Most of them are that cookie cutter, instagram influencer type. Meanwhile, your instagram is full of cakes, and cookies, and other endless pastries. The ones you spend 70% of your life perfecting to sell in your bakery. So what you tend you keep to yourself? It’s better than hanging around the Brittany’s and the Madison’s (no hate, ya'lls names just got a bad rep) all the time and hearing gossip about people you don’t know, or care about. You keep it curtly polite in public and mind your business in private. What’s so wrong with that?

“Some of them think you’re rude.”

“Some of them need to get a sense of humor.” You mumble, fidgeting in your seat.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about. You have no idea how irritating you are. It’s like you constantly have to have the last word.” He all but yells, pointer finger in your face. “And don’t get me started on the constant need for reassurance. You have no idea how exhausting that is. You’re just so.. negat-“

“That’s enough. You’re actually insane.” You interrupted, standing to leave. 

He was just trying to dig the knife in at this point. The thoughts of the argument in the stadium corridor long gone.

Jackson notices your carry-on settled by your feet. “What’re you doing with that?” he asks, standing from his seat.

“Isn’t it obvious?” you say, grabbing the handle “You said yourself you thought finding someone else was a good idea, so i’m doing the hard part for you. Now you can go get one of those other professional girlfriends that you seem to want so bad.” 

With every word you said, he slowly got closer to you, each word irritating him further. Once he reaches you, his hands grip your shoulders, spinning you to face him.

“I don’t know where you seem to get off,” he starts, grasping your chin in a firm hold, “but this attitude of yours stops today. Do I make myself clear? I’ve given you everything. The least you could do is act a little grateful.” He states, dropping his hold on your chin. He maneuvers himself around you, grabbing the handle of your carry-on, but you don’t let go.

“I’m through being talked to this way.” You say, yanking your carry-on towards you. “You knew how I was from the beginning. If you didn’t like the way I was, you shouldn’t have pursued me.”

“You don’t have anywhere to go. You’re too.. rough to be loved by anyone else. I’m the best thing you’ve got.” He says pulling the suitcase back towards him. “I’ll just have to shape you into the person you should be.”

You’re just having a full on tug of war game at this point. “Do you even hear yourself? The person I should be? What is that supposed to mean?”

“More.. obedient. You constantly embarrass me with your attitude in front of people. Important people, might I add.”

“Jackson, you really are insane. You think that just because you’re some big shot quarterback that you have any right to treat me this way?”

“Treat you what way? The same way you treat me?” He sneers, moving closer to tower over you.

“If you think me teasing you about forgetting your fucking practice bag all the time is the same as using my genuine fears and anxieties against me then you really are insane. Keep the suitcase then.” You say, letting go as he’s pulling it again.

You’d find a way to replace everything you’d be leaving behind.

“If you walk out that door, you’re done; we’re done.” Jackson says as he’s hot on your trail.

“Is that a promise?” You ask before slamming the door behind you.

You were startled by the sound of shattering glass. Knowing Jackson, he’d just sent the vase of flowers that adorned the counter straight into the door as you slammed it shut.

Assuming this, only solidified your decision further. 

You were done. 

With relationships. 

For good.

Right?

a/n 2.0: thank you for reading this far! I honestly can't believe all of these words came from the thing inside my skull! I swear that thing is broken more often than not.. but seriously! thank you for reading! please go give my dear @freedomfireflies some love from me as well <3

please like &/or reblog if you enjoyed!

[taetr4ck]

and all these little things —

he who loves, dances upon the tapestry of stars. 

skz!maknae line x reader, 1.8k words overall, no warnings — fluff, comfort. (continuation of this request.) taglist form

a/n : ouuu this marks the end of skz's princess treatment series :( i enjoyed making these sm. and also i might have overenjoyed myself writing seungmin's part... whoops

jisung who peels your fruits —

He who always offers to peel your fruits – the simple gesture Jisung does shows that love can be unspoken. It’s a simple gesture, yet it speaks volumes. His love is pure, he is taking the time to take care of you.

“Ah, jagiya, let me do it,” Jisung says as he walks up to you in the kitchen, gently taking the orange from your hands. A declaration of love isn't always loaded with promises that can easily falter. Sometimes, love is about the little things that connect us. I love you can mean “You mean everything to me so I’m going to peel your oranges and remove the nasty white stuff off of it.” It can also mean “You know, I never really liked your favorite fruit, but your love for it changed my perspective. I started eating it too – it’s like my body was programmed to like the things you love. I can’t help but think of you when I eat them. Not because of the fruit itself, but because of the person who introduced me to its sweetness.” Love resides in these intricate details that complete the bigger picture together – love is a fragmented moment that you are supposed to piece together, alone, or with the person you chose to mend your love with. You chose to build the fragments with him, and any love he offers is yours to treasure.

If any, he will always choose to stand beside you, laughter permeating through the granite surface of the sleek kitchen counter – adorned with jars of spices and utensils, with a fruit in his hand – peeling his undying love for you. If the world were to end soon, he would want it to end at the kitchen counter, while you are laughing and he is smiling, sharing its last sweet bite before facing the twisted fate.

Through Jisung, you realize that love can be unspoken.

To love someone is firstly to confess,

'I’d always offer you a piece of my orange.'

felix who fixes your hair while you eat —

Felix cast a loving gaze at you from across the table of your favorite restaurant as you savored each bite of your meal – his focus completely on you. You caught his loving gaze, his eyes forming into crescents – and you swear his beauty can be one across the stars – his freckles akin to a constellation, sharing its beauty among the starry expanse of the universe. Without a word, he reached to tuck a stray hair behind your ear, his touch felt like a sacred prayer for which no words exist, and you can feel your heart taking over your body – as if you discovered something for which you don’t have a name for, his fingers gentle against your skin. The sudden touch seemed to startle you a bit, making the heat rush to your cheeks. He does this every time, unsure if you would ever get used to it.

He held your face between his palms, his eyes gazing at you lovingly – with a smile that seemed to belong to you completely gracing his lips. You never met someone like him before – where his touch felt like home, and his smile was the purest you had ever seen. It was as if he had found his sole reason to live, the sole reason to cherish the world he completely lived in. Since the first time he saw you, he swore his whole life belonged to you completely.

His actions carry an unspoken intimacy between you two. It's not just about tucking a stray hair; it's a gesture that speaks volumes about his attentiveness and the connection you share – like a devotion he swore to himself that he’s meant to love and cherish you. The warmth in his eyes matches the affectionate sweep of his fingers through your hair, creating a fleeting yet precious moment amidst the simple act of enjoying your favorite meal together. As long as you’re with Felix, you’ll always feel loved, cared for, and deeply understood – as if he has a unique ability to bring order to the disarray of both hair and the world around you.

seungmin who buys the same book —

The spontaneous trips to bookstores with Seungmin is always therapeutic. The paradise of books laid out in front of you makes your heart leap with excitement, your steps quickening as you scan the books with a carefree smile. The moment he sees that smile – how your face radiates amidst the calm atmosphere of the old bookstore in the middle of the night – he swears he sees stars in your eyes. He watches how your smile glistens when it tugs at your lips, followed by the crescents of your eyes – like the moon, perfectly mending the layout of your face, which is his universe. Your whole being is his universe. It feels like a dream to Seungmin. Is this what true love feels like? To see stars in the eyes of his universe? To see the moon within arm's reach?

That’s when he realizes he grabbed the same book you’re holding. You tilt your head in confusion, wondering why he grabbed the same piece.

“I want to read it with you,” he says, looking at you as if you’re iridescent. He isn’t sure how he will get used to this — you’re startlingly beautiful. He can’t look away.

He always reads the same book with you, attentively listening to your thoughts about the protagonist and their love interest. No matter how cliché the book may be, he's always here, eager to hear your every word. Your voice is a crafted melody to Seungmin, wrapping around him like a gentle embrace. He loves witnessing every part of you – the sudden squeal when you reach the story's climax, the random faces you make when you read a passage that catches your attention, and the faint “tsk” when a character does an idiotic thing. He loves seeing and hearing all of it. He loves you in the strongest way there is.

You are loved more than you can ever comprehend. You’re loved by him to the point his presence alone is like waking up to sunlight. He loves you so deeply to the point he’s willing to engrave your name on the palms of his hands. A declaration of faith, perhaps.

There was a time when Seungmin grabbed the wrong book from the bedroom shelf and was startled to see lots of annotations upon flipping through the pages. It was your favorite book, with annotations scribbled excitedly. It seemed like they were all written in the spur of the moment, without minding what words would formulate in the movement of your hand. He flipped to the last page of the book and saw a handwritten note – the penmanship of which he knew every stroke.

“In the past, I always wondered when my love story would unfold. I once dreamt that my greatest love would exist in this lifetime – until Seungmin came. That’s when I realized that perhaps my invisible string exists in this timeline, at this very moment. I am convinced that it’s him — it’s him I’m destined for. It’s him I’m bound to love. This is the truth. I have loved him in every universe. I will love him in every universe. I always look at him as if there were stars in his eyes, sparkling with no intention of stopping. I’ve never met someone like him before. When I'm lost in fear, I always feel sheltered in his presence. I guess this is what love looks like, to be fully seen by someone and be loved regardless, the unwavering bliss of being known and understood.”

Seungmin felt a pang in his chest. His heart was full of a catastrophic whirlwind of emotions – overwhelming love that may be unbearable. With each sentence, the growing pain in his heart started to intensify. It was as if every word on the page seared into his heart even more, leaving an indelible mark of devotion and love beyond comprehension. As he read the letter, the depth of tenderness grew – wrapping around his soul like a tight embrace that threatened to suffocate in its intensity. This must be the feeling of being loved and cherished to the point where its depths transcend the physical realm, leaving the heart forever changed in its wake. The tears welling in Seungmin’s eyes might be hard to suppress as he reads the last sentence of the letter.

“My love for him is woven into the fabric of the universe.”

jeongin who matches outfits with you —

“Ta-da!” Jeongin exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with delight as he showed off his outfit to you, a proud yet excited grin escaping his lips.

“Wow, you really put a lot of effort into your outfit today. Are you sure we’re just doing groceries today, baby?” you jest, looking at him with a smile. Jeongin has a habit of matching outfits with you whatever the occasion is — whether it is a spontaneous trip to the grocery, a shopping spree, a planned day out, or a formal event. Whatever it is, he always takes the time to make sure his style complements yours perfectly, just like how your hearts complement each other. There is a subtle joy in sharing a wardrobe aesthetic; it’s as if both of your style and loving hearts are interconnected as one.

Jeongin’s eyes would gleam whenever you emerged from your shared bedroom, all prepped up and ready. He would always approach you with a soft smile escaping his lips. He would then kiss your forehead — the spot where he tirelessly kisses as a way of expressing love or saying his goodbyes is called a temple; he loves kissing your temple. He is yours to worship and yours to love. Loving someone is such a pure thing to do; love is like a religion he had discovered on his own. Jeongin seeing you in a room felt like a sanctuary.

Jeongin is always ready, never forgetting the promise he made to himself to love you in all seasons. When times get cold and everything is a mess, he drapes his coat on your shoulders and he becomes your warmth – his love a comforting shield against the chill of uncertainty. Amid the chaos, his gesture offers solace, reminding you that you are not alone, and together you can weather any storm. When it gets too warm, he becomes your cooling breeze – his love like an ocean breeze at dawn, offering comfort and relief with his presence and touch – his caring gesture soothing your fiery heart. When it gets dark and shivers run down your spine, he holds your hand and never lets go, whispering assurance: You’re not alone. I got you, I got you.

On days when you didn't anticipate any matching at all, he'd surprise you with a knowing smile, revealing his outfit cutely matched with yours. It became a playful language between you and Jeongin, sharing laughter and giggles. His eyes would light up with satisfaction, almost melting to the thought that love could be expressed through the woven fibers of one’s clothing, the feeling of being seen by someone and being loved anyhow – submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Don’t be afraid to be seen. Let me see you and love you regardless.

taglist: @agi-ppangx @skzstarnet @straykidsland @bluethemoments

⋆ taetr4ck, est may 2023. / requests open

[cepheustarot]

What do people find attractive about you?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the describes being ultimate truth. Only you know yourself best.

Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: Firstly, people are attracted to your appearance and your image, in general, the way you present yourself in society. Your appearance is quite cute, perhaps you have childish facial features or you are short, you may have a simple character, slightly naive, but you are always optimistic and cheerful. You can also prefer bright colors in clothes, wear "plush" things with cute prints (like jackets, hoodies), use a lot of  accessories. People are also attracted to you by the fact that you are easy-going, you are very active and agree to any adventure, you are attracted to everything new and unexplored, so it is very comfortable and cozy to study something new with you, you share interest with people. Your vivid facial expressions, emotionality also attracts people, you have many interesting stories from life, you like to share any details, and at the same time you tell it so fascinatingly and interestingly that others listen to you attentively, strongly immersing themselves in the topic of conversation; time passes very quickly and imperceptibly while talking with you. In addition, you create an aura of comfort, coziness, for people you are associated with home, with something warm and very cozy. You can also be perceived as a native person and you can often be compared to the sun, because you always feel warm and your mood rises next to you, wanting to stay with you as long as possible.

Pile 2: You give off an aura of mystery and this attracts people, because they want to get to know you better, to solve you as a riddle. You can generally be a person who prefers to spend time alone with yourself or you are detached from other people, immersed more in your own thoughts. You can also tell some things about yourself, but not completely, without telling some facts, thereby leaving some mystery about your life, personality. This arouses people's interest, they begin to sort through many options, making up image about you according to puzzles — this is an exciting process for them. Many people also see you as a very confident person, you are one of those who respects yourself and your opinion, your priorities, so you will never let others offend or hurt yourself, many people really appreciate this side of you. You can also have a very attractive, to some extent sexy, charming appearance and many people believe that your appearance is the ideal type of appearance.

Pile 3: Most likely you are an empath, a person who knows how to sympathize, empathize with others and get into their story. People are attracted to this trait in you, because you sincerely show your interest in them, you know how to maintain a dialogue and you can always give those tips that really help people or you always say the words that they want to hear. In general, you can engage the dialogue in such a way that it is interesting for everyone to communicate, including you! People are also attracted to your wisdom, you are very smart, you have a lot of experience, I would generally call you a spiritually developed person who understands the meaning of life, what he wants from life. You can calmly relate to any difficulties, problems in life because you understand that everything is temporary and everything is solvable, sooner or later everything will get better and there will be a white stripe in life. This is your calmness attracts people, forcing them to relax as well and not think too much about problems at least for a while.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

[crezz-star]

Why Luffy is highly attached to Zoro and why Zoro is highly attached to Luffy, and why the straw hats is aware of this and accepts it.

(some rare rambles of Mine. This is based on my own character studies and observations. COPY PASTED FROM MY X [twitter] )

-------

👒

Firstly, we have to look at how Luffy grew up.

Luffy was given to Dadan by Garp, told her to take care of him. While Dadan introduced Luffy

to Ace and Ace at first was not very... Friendly. And I will not sugarcoat it, Ace did not care about Luffy as first and went through dangerous places that could have killed Luffy, and Ace again, shows how he did not care if that happened. Yet, just like with Shanks, Luffy was doing his best for Ace to accept him and let him join him.

It was always Luffy who was making an effort chasing after people he admires and began to care for, but was always getting denied.

And so being left alone.

Yes, Ace did accept him but not after Ace mentioned, along with Sabo that they should kill him first.

Luffy, being so young back then, and impressionable even, now have it engraved in his mind that if he isn't useful, he will never be accepted by anyone or anywhere.

And so, its become a fear in Luffy deep down, a fear he would push far back in his mind. But would reflect in his actions when he grows up and finds his crew. Luffy is afraid to be useless and abandoned by people he shows interest and care for. Which is why he gets possessive of what is his. That when anyone shows desire to leave, he gets upset and emotional and... angry. That he doesn't want anyone to leave, doesn't allow anyone to leave. And if they still do leave. It deals a blow to his emotional and mental state. He becomes irrational to the point that to bring the person back, he will let himself be walked on like a doormat.

That's where Zoro comes in.

Luffy first heard Zoro's name and immediately felt intrigued. And when he finally met Zoro, who was in obvious predicament, Luffy was hooked especially knowing that Zoro was a good person, and decided that ah. He wanted this man to be in his crew. So being the typical Luffy to do all he can to gain favor towards people he shows clear interest in, he tells Zoro, if I bring back your swords, you WILL join my crew. Because in his mind, if he's useful, people would accept him then! He was sure of it. Since that's how it was with him growing up.

Zoro would find this odd. Even calling Luffy the son of a demon because of how messed up his thinking is. But I think this would be the start of Zoro's observation of Luffy and how Luffy would need someone to correct him in his thinking and actions later on.

So Zoro joins Luffy not just because he freed him and gave his swords back, but because of the strength Luffy showed. One that Zoro acknowledged and respected.

Luffy gaining his first mate would then start to make Luffy be unconsciously more aware of how his crew acts and he would notice how Zoro, unlike everyone else in his life, got his back the most

Zoro chooses to follow him of his own accord. And this would get even more evident when: Nami, betrays Luffy and Zoro told him they should just let her be. Luffy insisted of course, but it shows Zoro's protectiveness of his captain. Sanji favoring Nami and making it almost seem that his reason of joining was her, (this was cleared up later in the crew barrel vows of course), still Zoro did not like him any better as he still thinks Sanji would most likely value women more than their captain.

Usopp leaving the crew and even challenging Luffy for a duel to be captain, which is a huge disrespect to Luffy. Yet Luffy was about to accept him with open arms again as if nothing happened. That's why Zoro stepped in to keep him in check.

This was one of the important moments

Luffy sees how Zoro really truly have his back. Zoro always returning to his side no matter how many times they got separated throughout their adventures. Zoro taking care of his crew, that of which Luffy all recruited himself (Zoro did not trust them all too easily), and now, + 

Zoro giving Luffy a hard life lesson to be a good captain.

Zoro really was looking out for him. So much. Sticking by him all these times no matter how many times his Life got put to danger.

That's why when Zoro mentioned if he fails as a captain, it will be him who will leave, Luffy would panic at the thought and was enough to make Luffy listen and stop desperately chasing after a crew who disrespected him.

Not Zoro. He doesn't want Zoro of all people to leave him.

So Luffy listens. Reflects. Learns how to be a better captain.

but I think one of the most important moment Luffy saw how Zoro will never leave him , like everyone else he cared for in his life did, was when Zoro made his vow to him in Baratie.

That's when he knew, Zoro will not betray him. Will never leave him. That's when he knew, he can trust Zoro with his life and his future crew. He knew Zoro would keep everyone safe.

Luffy felt like he doesn't have to chase after Zoro so terribly desperately the way he did with Shanks or Ace. For the first time in his life, someone CHOSE to stay by his side. Vowed to stay by his side.

It made Luffy happy. Glad. Acknowledged. For some it would seem like the vow was someone serving Luffy. But in Luffy's mind, Zoro made that vow, not because of a master and servant thing, it was because they would be partners, equals in chasing after their dreams. Someone Luffy can face the world with. Give and take.

And this is why Luffy is so attached to Zoro. Because he knows Zoro will never leave him. Zoro will never betray him like what the others did (even if they had their own reasons). Because Zoro chose to be by his side. To be his anchor. His voice of reason when he's washed over with irrational emotions. Why he listens to Zoro the most, becoming silent to listen close to every word that Zoro would say.

Zoro takes care of him and the crew and family Luffy had built.

Zoro stayed and choose to keep staying and returning to him, and because of this, because of Zoro, Luffy learned that he doesn't have to chase after anyone again. That if people wants to stay, they would. That if people wants to stay, they should be the one to ask Luffy. To tell him. To beg him. Because Zoro knows and sees that Luffy is a person worth following and being loyal to.

---

⚔

Now on to why Zoro is attached to Luffy.

I would be lying when I deny the idea of Zoro seeing some parts of Kuina's personality with Luffy.

Kuina did her best to get stronger and prove herself as a great swordsman despite being female, because Kuina believes that, just because she's female, she was weak. Unless she works hard, but still she still have such thoughts buried in the back of her mind. This is why she desperately pushes herself so much. To make people acknowledge her for her own skills and efforts, because she's afraid to be disregarded, left behind. To be not be taken seriously. To be useless.

Who else have this unspoken desperation to be acknowledged and fear of being useless?

Luffy.

Zoro most likely saw the similar personality traits, and seeing how Kuina is important to Zoro, how their shared dream is what pushes him forward, it may have helped him to somewhat lower his guard, even a bit slightly, towards this funny rubber boy.

Humoring him by joining his crew. And eventually, Zoro being able to see the strength Luffy has, and if there's anything that would gain Zoro's favor and respect? It's strength and heart.

Reason why despite seeing him as his enemy, Zoro respects Mihawk, and even the opponents he had hard time defeating.

And towards Luffy, Zoro sees that endless pool of potential And power.

Making him accept Luffy more and more, not just as his captain or the person he dedicates his loyalty to, but as his equal. Just like he did once with Kuina.

He saw her not just as his goal, but also as his equal.

Zoro's treatment and view of Luffy as a simple naïve pirate became something more and was solidified when he saw how Luffy truly valued his dreams at Baratie. How Luffy took it very seriously even knowing that Zoro might die. Zoro took that as full serious acknowledgement and felt that Luffy DID respect him. That Luffy was serious after all.

The way Luffy stopped Johnny and Yosaku from interfering in Zoro's fight Gained tons respect from Zoro. Because that dream of his, isn't just his. It was Kuina's too, and Zoro felt as if through that, Luffy respected Kuina's dream too, Why Zoro was thankful to Luffy. That's why Zoro began to follow Luffy. Because he knows, if anyone can help him accomplish his dream, a dream he shares with his old childhood friend, If anyone can help him reach his goal, it would be Luffy. His dream is safe with him.

Along the way, Zoro would also see how Luffy is reckless. That his kind - and at certain times naive - heart was also going to be his downfall, that's why Zoro keeps Luffy in check, at first Zoro was doing all of his caring for Luffy as means to reach his goal, but spending time with him and understanding him, Zoro saw something more about Luffy, saw his potential quality for greatness and Zoro wants to.. NEEDS to see it.

The way Luffy carries burdens of others and liberates them.

It's something Zoro finds not just as something respectful, but something he admires.

With Luffy by his side, everything and anything feels possible.

That's why as early on as Alabasta, Zoro had already developed a desire to make Luffy's dream, one of his own, his new dream. But still prefer to keep quiet about it when someone asks.

Zoro's attachment to Luffy started as something reminding him of a long passed friend, but as time passed, began to see and understand Luffy more, seeing him as a person/captain worth following, and as well as his most trusted best friend.

Which is why Zoro will do everything he can to help Luffy. Protect what's his and what he built. Help Luffy in reaching his goal, crowning him as king of the pirates, by making Luffy's dream part of his, and is also now his priority as well.

Now on to why the straw hats accepts this.

They all have their own mistakes and majority of the crew, Nami, Usopp, Sanji and Robin, all 'betrayed' Luffy. I say that with a quotation because they all had their reasons. I'm well aware they really didn't do it wholeheartedly and they were just.... In a certain predicament or internal turmoil

They know how Zoro would do everything he could to protect Luffy. How amongst all the older og crew, Zoro was the ONLY one who never even dared to betray Luffy at all. Not even having thoughts about it. That Zoro was EXTREMELY loyal and protective of their captain. Making Luffy favor Zoro the most even if he doesn't notice it himself.

They can see how Zoro and Luffy once at each other's side, can be immersed in their own little world. How when they fight, the silent looks they give one was enough for each other to know what they were planning.

The crew sees this and accepts this. Because deep inside, they have their own guilts. Except perhaps for Franky , Brook and Jinbei but those three are the mature types to already accept that what level of bond that Zoro and Luffy has, None of them can EVER have nor break.

Thus the whole strawhats understands this.

Understands that Zoro and Luffy is inseparable. Is attached at the hip and that's okay. Because they have their whole faith in them, as captain and vice captain. They trust them with their life. Especially with how Luffy gave them a home and Zoro protecting them.

How both Zoro and Luffy would agree to save them

Strawhats is their family and Zoro and Luffy are the protectors of the family

Luffy, the savior and liberator.

Zoro the guardian and protector 

[pink-key]

How would Toby be with a romantic partner if he ever entered a relationship (like would he be toxic/romantic/etc??)

This will be long, buckle up, as I want to tackle multiple questions.

This is an x y/n headcanons visual thing.

Warning: Terrible writing. Might be slightly dark. Very very long

Firstly, all depends on the closeness you have with Toby.

🍨 Plaything

🍰 Congratulations, you got him interested in you. Maybe it's your overly humorous reaction to him running after you, while he was chaotically swinging his hatchets. Maybe you had a drastically different reaction to his previous victims.

🍰 Either way, he loves tormenting you; his morals are either absent or corrupt. He likes to scare you, looking into your window to your room at night, laughing and rambling nonsense once you notice him (doesn't matter which floor you live on; he can climb). He can inflict some minor or not so pain on you, especially during his episodes, from randomly swinging his weapons in anger or excitement to pushing you around. There is no particular aim in that; he just feels like it, or his mind is fogged by voices and emotions.

🍰 Contrary to popular belief, he isn't shy, he isn't easily embarrassed. He is loud, obnoxious; he will make his opinions known to you; he will comment on anything you do or any of your clothes, personal belongings, even your family. He is here to have fun, not to worry about your feelings. As long as you entertain him, he will keep you alive, driving you to madness.

🍰 He can and will find you anywhere, will make you look like an insane person to other people. He is good at hiding and is skilled at hurting physically and emotionally from a distance (throwing a rock in the head, displacing objects in the room to make one paranoid, etc.). A 2-meter-tall stalker running around with two axes after you? You're hilarious, y/n!

Coincidentally, his boss doesn't order him to kill you; maybe you don't disturb his work much, after all, he doesn't visit you all the time (his life doesn't revolve around you). Just the least when you expect him.

🍰Telling him he is disgusting or commenting his mental issues will result in an instant end, unless he would want to play a chasing game in the forest with you before that.

🍰 If you have an S/O, he will mock you for choosing such a pitiful person as a partner. Just hope he won't involve your S/O in your little games. He doesn't care about your personal life, but he sure knows how dear this relationship is to you.

🍨 "We are buddies, r-right?"

🍰 You somehow managed to survive his attacks, random outbursts, mood swings, threats and, for some reason, decided to befriend him.

Honestly, being his friend is the healthiest you can get and keep bits of your private space at the same time.

🍰 He, despite being insane, brainwashed, and amnesiac, starts to see you more than just an amusement park attraction as a cute little pet, not really an equal. Your relationship is a bit more than him having a blast using physical or mental torture on you. Your presence and personality are also fun, who knew?!

🍰 Maybe, would EVEN feel a slight parody of pity for you. Especially if you tell him your sad stories of your life. He is terrible at comforting, but if the stars align right, he can play his favorite cassettes to you with cheery songs or try to make jokes, but don't expect that to happen every time. Maybe a pat on the head would happen, usually, he would tell you to stop being sad as there are worse things to cry about.

🍰 He teases you and pranks you a lot. Doesn't matter what state you are in.

🍰 His idea of friendship is a bit twisted. You won't mind that he will destroy your belongings if he finds them annoying, right? You are friends! Friends don't hold grudges against each other! Or if he would hurt your family members or friends because they said or did something that triggered his aggression, right? Friends forgive each other! You don't mind sharing everything with him, from food to information, because friends don't keep secrets from each other!

🍰 There is a good part to this relationship. He is kinder to you. Perhaps, would bring you a cute little trinket or object stained in blood. Friends make gifts for each other! He would appreciate it if you would give him something. Be careful what you give him, as he interprets your gifts in his own way. New hoodie? Are you implying his tastes are bad? Are you mocking him?

🍰 This is also where you can shape your friendship into a seemingly normal one. Food is a safe option. Learn what he likes to convey to him that you care about him. The man needs kindness deep inside. It will confuse him; he might get angry at you, at the world without understanding why, but the long-term result is worth the risk.

🍰 If you are in danger, he might save you. Although you will bear the guilt of some hooligans being either deadly hurt or dead.

🍰 He is also more open to you. You can hold small conversations with him, discussing music, for example. However, if he is in one of his episodes or even just mood swings, he can snap, shout at you or just be mad at you for an unknown reason, while rambling something incomprehensible and leave you alone for a week or more. Violence isn't completely off the table either.

🍰 If you have an S/O (or just hangs out with friends), He can get jealous because you don't pay attention to him at that exact moment. He isn't always jealous, just sometimes. If he is in a terrible mood, might even hurt your S/O, he isn't shy at that stage to involve anyone in the mess. He can complain about your S/O. It's not advised to dispute him, as he can get angry at you. You are his friend! Why are you fighting him?

🍨 Obsessive

🍰 After a lot of talking, gifts and, if you were bold enough, light friendly physical touch, he is feeling smitten by you.

🍰 You notice weird signs of attention from him, he makes some sort of romantic gestures, but it comes off as creepy to you. For instance, he thought a fur coat is what you would like, but he didn't realise you need to work on the fur instead of giving it bloody to you.

🍰 He doesn't understand himself, his voices aren't helping him either, he is feeling hate then sickly love from one second to another. If he thinks too much about that, he twitches and tics more than usual, especially in your presence. He is more distant; he doesn't respond to you. He just sits there, shifting his eyes without focusing on anything, occasionally roughly turning to one of his auditory hallucinations.

🍰 You don't understand his ramblings or whispers, and now they are more disjointed than ever. He avoids you for a few months or even more. It worries you more than him being around you, as you're used to his presence by now. Who knows, maybe he got bored with you and just contemplates how brightly he could end your life.

🍰 He can't run from his feelings forever. As a snow during summer, he busts into your house and just dumps all his thoughts on you—just an incomprehensible jumble. You won't understand it right away until he grabs you by the shoulders and forces you into an embrace, then pushes you away, twitching, staring into your soul, waiting for your response. He doesn't say, but he already knows how you feel, even if he lies to himself. He is attentive and sensitive to human emotions, and he reads body language quite well.

🍰 You have a choice. If you deny his love, either one of things will happen. You die because he feels like it. You don't like him, if he kills you, he kills his feelings for you at the same time. Yet, there is a slim chance he can just forcefully make you like him, can lead to kidnapping, but you won't love him that way either, he would realize that, that's not right, and you are also dead in this scenario.

🍰 If you lie and accept his feelings, you won't last long, either. He notices all the slight restless movements around him, your discomfort, the way you look at him. He hates liars, so it's best to be honest and die quickly rather than slowly.

🍰 If you have a strong, twisted friendship and you learn how to talk to him, how to act when he is difficult to interact with, and you just find him with his bouquet of disorders and trauma charming in his own way, then you don't need to say much to him.

🍰 He doesn't know anything about relationships. He can come off as toxic, as his jealousy flies from low to high in a matter of moments. He is still a snappy, angry, insane serial killer, he just now sometimes apologizes if he was too rude to you. More gifts too, woo-hoo!

🍰 He is obsessive, but that also depends on a lot of circumstances. He wants to be around you as much as possible. Just your presence gives him some sort of emotional bliss when his thoughts are a bit less loud than usual. At the same time, his thoughts are chaotic and get under his skin, and he can disappear for some time. Or one of your words can trigger him; he can be violent or distant.

🍰 Dates with him are attempts to replicate what he sees in movies. He watched whatever old VHS he found in abandoned cabins or houses in the woods, so it's pretty vanilla and traditional, dare I say: eating ice cream together, watching movies, slowly dancing to some old music. He uses old pickup lines too if he feels particularly spicy.

🍰 He isn't touchy. He is touchy unless there is a sinister goal in mind or he wants to be annoying. Toby subconsciously associates touch with bullying or violence. You have to teach him to appreciate affection and kindness, and it will take you a lot of time.

🍰 Eventually, with a lot of pain he adjusts to your taction. He likes to sit next to you, shoulder pressed against yours, while resting his head on your shoulder or head, enjoying peace and silence, while you fidget with his fingers, occasionally placing brief kisses on bruises on his hand. He likes small touches. Once he learns what a surprise hug is, he abuses the life out of it. Be prepared to have mini-heart attacks when he screeches into your ear and hugs you from behind while you return from a small grocery trip back home. Other than that, his level of tactility remains the same.

🍰 His mask and goggles are also mental protection for him from the world. You notice that he takes them off when he is around you.

🍰 He is weak for compliments..even if he overthinks, in some instances, becomes angry or sad, whatever mood hits at the moment, but deep down he is squealing. He will hint at that in his own way by trying to compliment you. This is also important as at times he feels paranoid you are plotting something against him, so compliment him when you can.

🍰 Small acts, like maybe washing his bloody clothes or sewing them as they have a lot of holes, makes him intensely love you. He just stares at you, you just think he is probably hallucinating something.

🍰 Movies showed what women truly desire, so he is a gentleman, ..tries to be, so he would bring you flowers that he probably snatched from a nearby garden. Would keep the door for you, all that, his twitching, ticking, can make it unpredictable. If you're slammed by the said door on your side, trust him, he didn't mean it.

🍰 If you see him just lying down and doing nothing for days, don't try to extremely cheer him up or, goodness forbid, say "smile some more." Just be by his side, be patient. He will become cheery again soon.

🍰 He is jealous, he cares about your attention more than ever. So be careful how you act around your friends, family, or strangers if you want them to be at least alive by the morning.

🍰 His mind can be fogged by rage sometimes, so stay out of his way, he isn't in his head when he is like that.

🍰 Oh, if you have an S/O while he is in this state. No more of that S/O, maybe not you either. If anyone dares to flirt with you, no more of that person, either. You can beg Tobs to just end the lesson with a severe beating but good luck with that. He may switch his unstable bloodthirst onto you if you try too hard.

If you reach this, thank you for reading this war and peace, hope this all makes a bit of sense lmao.

[starb3rrys]

I just saw Sleeping Together Hcs and AHGZICZGFI, so I'd like to request a part 2 with Jouno and anyone else you like to add if you want to. Bc the first is SOOO CUTEEEE >.<

Hello!! Ah- I am so happy to hear you found my "When Night Falls" Hc's cute. I would be delighted to write your request, hope you enjoy!!

✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮

When Night Falls ✩Part 2✩

Ft. Jouno, Dazai, Fyodor || Part One

✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮

Jouno

Sleeping with Jouno is honestly pretty complex.

Considering Jouno's senses are heightened, I do believe he gets sensory overload when he sleeps with someone else or something he doesn't recognize.

Things like your hair touching his chest, your quiet snoring, the heat radiating off your body can make him feel overwhelmed.

Taking that into consideration, Jouno isn't much of a cuddly person.

He doesn't want to make it seem as if he doesn't love you or like having you around.

Hence why rather than a full cuddle, he just places his arm or leg on or around you.

Its like a way to reassure you he's here and wants to be near you while not being overwhelmed by the feeling yk?

He is honestly a pretty peaceful sleeper, although sadly- he is a very light sleeper.

Meaning any sound, or movement makes him either wake up or alert. (Your light snoring kept him up the first time y'all slept together, but now its like a white noise, weirdly comforting to him now).

Good luck trying to sneak out of bed in the middle of the night.

"Where are you going?"

"Uh- The bathroom?"

"Hm...alright, try not to pee so loud--It keeps me up."

"HOW CAN I CONTROL THAT?!"

Dazai

Sleeping with Dazai is comfortable.

Despite what people may think of Dazai, he isn't overly clingy.

Sure, there are nights when he just wants to be smothered in love and affection but it's usually once every blue moon.

He respects the fact you both need space and hates the feeling of being overwhelmed in a situation that is supposed to be comfy and delicate.

Between you two, its much less cuddling and more of just holding each other.

Lose hands rest on your body as quiet snores fill the room, you both lay in bed enjoying each others presence. (Nothing too tight or restricting).

Dazai tends to always be the one holding rather than being held.

He likes being able to let go or scoot away if the heat gets too overwhelming or adjust if he feels uncomfortable in his current sleeping position.

Dazai is a pretty heavy sleeper, you could really sneak out of bed at night and he would just continue snoring.

In addition, he tends to move around quite a bit; rolling over, scooting away, shifting around- etc.

"Sorry, its getting a bit hot let me just...there we go."

"Dazai- this is the fourth time you've moved."

"OKAY! I promise this is the last time."

"..."

"I have to pee-."

Fyodor

Sleeping with Fyodor was honestly a whole process.

Firstly, you had to practically beg and attempt to convince him to even consider sleeping in the same bed with you at least for one night. (He's such a bitch. I love him.)

Listen- He may love you, but it will take a while to actually get him to be vulnerable around you, especially being unconscious around you.

Once you get past the 4 month long process, we get to the actual good stuff.

The first night you two slept together, Fyodor stayed on his side of the bed, not really moving nor cuddling you--just kinda there. (It was really awkward)

But over time--after realizing that you really mean no harm and just want to sleep next to him--he will actually start to relax and allow himself to be vulnerable.

Fyodor is a very light sleeper as well as a quiet sleeper, rarely ever shifts around.

Once he chooses a sleeping position for the night, he sticks to it.

Fyodor is an occasional cuddler, to be more precise, he only cuddles when he needs to warm up.

Warmth is a big thing for Fyodor, considering he is Anemic, cuddles and warm covers help him alleviate and rest better.

Your warmth helps keep his cold body heated which he appreciates greatly and sees as an advantage.

Although, if the heat from your body and the covers becomes too much, he will quickly move away from you and sleep on his side of the bed.

The next morning, make sure he gets up SLOWLY! or he will fall over and crack his neck.

"So, how did you sleep last night?"

"It was...quite pleasant, although your warmth mixed with the covers warmth got me a bit overheated."

"Is that why you nearly kicked me out of bed?-"

✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮꙳ 𓂃 𓂂𓏸✮

These Head-cannons are so cute, I love being able to write things like these!! Honestly, I was searching up cuddling positions just for the funnies :) I asked my friend for help since I had huge writers block- (ILY) Anyways, Love ya! <3

[wanderingconstellations]

FIRSTLY, HERES A GIFT FOR U

IM HERE ☝️😤

so yes!! battle lust reader! encountering our beloved scara or wandere (you choose!) during an adventure!

reader is basically famous like diluc, absolutely skilled with a spear and hand to hand combat, traversing around sumeru, inazuma, everywhere basically and during a fight against [insert whatever monster reader is up against]

scara/wanderer encounters reader who- was gashed up, injured, struggling to stand, panting heavily and absolutely horny, a secret side of reader only she knows—but ofc scara/wanderer appears

im sure you already know what battle lust means (since childe ofc 🤭)

so being affected with lust and adrenaline, making it sense somehow, reader unknowingly attacks scara/wanderer, it takes awhile to regain reader's senses but once they do, reader was already being fucked relentlessly- because scara had notice her palpating heavy breaths, sweat, flushed face, whimpering, grinning with every strike and hit scara/wanderer lands on her, all during the fight

basically, out of fighting, reader is has a good ass elegant and respected reputation as an adventurer, but scara/wanderer had just- witnessed such a contrast from the infamous adventurer, the reader... 🤭

YOU SEE WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS?1!1?2 I HOPE YOU DOOOO (im kinda hesitant to be very detailed in asks since i have no clue if you like heavy details or not 🥹) ILY I HOPE WE CAN INTERACT MOOOREEEEE!!!!

THATS SOOOOO HOTTTTT 🫣

You were famous, known for your elegant skills and traversing to nation to nation. Though, you had a certain enemy that resides in Snezhnaya, one that you loathe. You never ever want to meet him.

While fighting, you ended up losing all senses to yourself. You were gashed, injured, and panting heavily. You were in a state of battlelust and while wandering through out the trees and greenery, you came across Scaramouche, the sixth of the Fatui harbingers. He notices your state for moment before you attacked him out of no where.

Luckily for him, he was able to dodge your attack. He scoffed and threw and insult at you, apparently wondering why the hell are you attacking him out of now where.

"Tch, what the hell are you trying to do?!"

Despite his insults you attack again, a grin was on your lips. This was out of character for the oh so elegant and well respected adventurer. You continued to attack him until he finally successfully attack you, ending up with you landing on the ground and him hovering on top of you.

You gasped. A lustful look on your face, you grinned, getting up once more and kicking him off his feet. You both continued this for who knows how long. You were in a state of battlelust, and it was visible on your face.

"It's pathetic on how much of a masochist you are. What would you do if everyone knew about the so elegant and well respected adventurer who was actually a freak in sheets?"

That was what you heard when you finally came back to your senses. Damn right, before you were getting fucked, Scara noticed how you whimpered and your flushed face whenever he landed a hit on you. He was weirded out at first but it somehow amused him of how you were still smiling despite your injuries.

Currently right now, you were gasping and whimpering at the feeling of his cock penetrating you.

"Ohh wow, finally back to your senses now huh? Well too bad, I was only getting started with you."

A cocky smirk was tugging on his lips, his hands on your bare hips were starting to hurt. Your breasts were out on full display, bouncing with every thrust Scara did. Your legs were hooked over his shoulders, you were in mating press and damn right, it felt amazing.

Your battlelust was whole different person from you, and he absolutely adored that lust you had in battle, that would give him a reason why to fuck you so senselessly like this, or maybe not but he doesn't give a single fuck. Your panting and whimpering look was already enough for him to know that you were enjoying on what he was doing.

"Ahh..I knew it, you wanted me just as bad as I do don't you? Don't deny it, your body here just wants me so much that it's clenching on me so tight, it's unbelievable.."

He was right, your cunt was squeezing his cock so nicely, taking him in greedily and milking him out. His fingers pinch your nipples, making you squeal and whine. Scara would be so mean, bruising your hips, pinching your nipples until it hurts, degrading and humiliating you, but it's not like you were complaining anyway.

"Who knew that the famous adventurer was such a cock hungry slut? Clenching and squeezing onto this cock like it's their last..Ohh..I wonder what would happen if people found out, would you runaway and come back to me just to get your brains fucked out? Don't be ashamed, it's okay. I don't blame you for wanting my cock this badly, you're my cock hungry slut afterall."

Him and his arrogant personality made you want to punch him, but what can you do? After all, his cock was hitting your sweet spot so nicely that you were spasming around his cock already, cumming and coating his length in your juices. He was taunting you, teasing and humiliating you, shaming you for being such a slut for his cock.

Your eyes were glistening in tears, cheeks flushed and nails clawing at his back. Your clothes were either on the ground or teared apart. Your tits were on display for him, bouncing with every deep thrust he made.

Scara gave a zap to your clit, making you shiver in pleasure as his fingers continuing to rub your nipples and fondle with them, his other fingers down on your clit and occasionally giving zaps to your sensitive nub, making you squirt on all over his abdomen.

"So dirty, squirting all over my cock like a filthy whore."

He scoffed, continuing to pump his cock into your drenched and abused hole. You were a complete drooling and babbling mess, quivering and overstimulated by how many times you came.

It was so good, so so good, your pussy was heavenly to Scaramouche. You were so dumbed out by his cock that you lost count of how many times you even came because of his cock and ministrations. The only thing in your head was him, one that you call your enemy, Scaramouche.

[sugar-grigri]

Crazy theory, but since I don't really read them, I don't know if it's ever been mentioned before.

I've already talked about this urge to discover the demon of death. So much so that fans see them in every new character introduced.

We know that Pochita punctuates both the birth and death of demons with his chainsaws.

I've always been surprised by the way Pochita calmly took hold of Makima, allowing Denji to knowingly save her by recommending that he give her love

Just as I'm surprised by Fami's interest in separating Chainsaw Man just as Yoru is stubbornly intent on revenge

How can these three horsemen of the apocalypse have so much interest and connection with a single demon?

We already know that Fujimoto has opted for the metaphorical, choosing the instrument designed for childbirth: the chainsaw, as the keystone of his story.

Chainsaw Man is intrinsically linked to birth and death

Denji's rebirth alone is linked to death having been cut up as well as Pochita?

Demons are born out of fear of one thing, so I know it might be strange that Pochita, representing chainsaws, represents death and isn't the chainsaw demon.

But two things: firstly, the impostor is actually the real chainsaw demon.

Fujimoto likes to undo our first impressions, so I find it absolutely INCREDIBLE that Denji should be the impostor from the start, the false Chainsaw Man in a part 2 that focuses on identity.

Secondly, how can simple chainsaws have so much power? I mean, sure, they're scary, but how can they have so much power as to be able to wipe out demons? Why should it be the chainsaw demon who's capable of this, and death remains crouched in the shadows?

This would also explain his promiscuity with the other Knights of the Apocalypse.

The demon of control wanted to play with Pochita - death was the only thing she couldn't totally control, the only thing she aspired to be on an equal footing with.

If Pochita understood her so well, it was as the fourth knight of the apocalypse. If Makima considered him her equal, it was because she couldn't control a demon she knew to be of her own rank. The logic follows with Nayuta.

The demon of war doesn't accept death, it accepts to spread it through conflicts and weapons of mass murder, but a general doesn't accept that death can touch him too. To spread death represents victory, to be touched by it a defeat that demands vengeance.

Famine works hand in hand with death, and is feared because suffering and death are the end result of not being able to eat. She's the one with the clearest goal at the moment: to save humanity. She doesn't hesitate to recruit her fellow Apocalypse members, whether it's proposing it to Nayuta, trying to recruit Asa and Yoru, or splitting Chainsaw Man in two to work with the pure state of the death demon.

The public hunters' aim is also to protect mankind from Nostradamus' prophecy, but by paralyzing death's actions as much as possible. They exploit Denji's flaws and desire to be normal to the full, threatening those around him. While the church, represented by Fami, titillates Denji's heroic side, his abnormalities, they want death to act.

It would also explain why everyone close to Denji is disappearing.

All the signs are pointing to Asa's imminent atrocity.

Wouldn't it be incredible to think that it's because death is in Denji's belly ?

Everything would then make sense: it's normal for Denji's development to stagnate, and for him to go through so many existential crises.

He doesn't know his own identity

What's more, it doesn't contradict my most meta theories: Fujimoto places himself in the work through Denji (cf. chapter 133), just as he responds directly to his fans (chapters 136 and 137).

We're all hating him, seeing all our favorite characters meet unfortunate deaths

It would all make sense if the manga we were holding in our hands, "Chainsaw Man", actually referred directly to death right from the start.

It would all make sense if we saw Part 1 as Denji's introduction to the ranks of hunters governed by an early death.

It would make sense for Aki's love for him to be a metaphor for accepting death, in the continuity of mourning.

It would make sense for Power to be reassured by Death when traumatized by the demon of darkness: she died twice for love, and the total disappearance of body and spirit allows us to escape the darkness.

I don't know if this theory holds, but let's agree...

It's poetic

[jesncin]

Coddling Colonizer Guilt

"Performative diversity is when MAWS features a Native American variant of Lois Lane in the multiverse episode only to end the season on a Thanksgiving episode."

...is something I like to joke with my friends as a shorthand for referencing MAWS' squeamish approach to politics while still trying to reap the clout of "diverse representation". I want to get my thoughts out there and perhaps start a discussion over why this feels off.

Some disclaimers: Firstly, I'm not Native American. Understand this is an observation I'm making from an outsider perspective with no personal authority. I'm just a disappointed Asian Lois Lane fan. Secondly, I know the MAWS crew/creators had no malicious intent in any of these (what I consider) poor writing decisions. I'm simply here to challenge and analyze these narrative and visual choices.

MAWS takes a fairly controversial take on Superman mythos so far. Unlike Superman's historic roots as an allegory for Jewish immigrants with Clark coming from a Kryptonian socialist utopia (leading the imperfect people of Earth to a better tomorrow), MAWS chooses instead to reimagine Superman as a descendant from a planet of "alien invaders". If the leaked(?) concept art (warning potential spoilers for s2) is to be believed, Clark is the direct descendent of the leaders of the "Kryptonian Empire". Supposedly gone are the parents of Superman being scientists that warn of the destruction of their home planet- instead we have the "proud, loving, brilliant" "leaders of the Kryptonian Empire".

While we don't know if this is the direction the show is going in, there are already cryptic hints of it being planted and thematic elements set up that point to it being a possibility. Clark had spent a majority of the season wondering what/who he is (being incapable of talking to Jor-El's hologram because of a language barrier) only to find out his supposed origins in episode 9. He's devastated learning that he's an alien invader and, once he regroups with his friends, angsts about believing he's a weapon sent from Krypton to invade Earth. Asian-Lois Lane and Black-Jimmy Olsen assure White-passing-alien-man Clark Kent that he's different and not like other colonizers. Clark ultimately saves the day, proving he's an exception. It's curious then that the season ends on Thanksgiving.

As I've mentioned before, MAWS is exhaustively squeamish with getting political. Whatever happens in the show that resembles "themes" is quickly contradicted with very little consistent internal logic. One minute Superman is supposedly a threat that "wipes out good American jobs", should "go back to where he came from" and Lois makes a hope speech about how we shouldn't treat people who "are different" and "don't look like us" (??) with cruelty (so Clark's an immigrant going through xenophobia?) and the next he's a redeemed colonizer (a more prominent thematic arc). One minute Clark is "different" and scared of being othered- likened to a gay couple and allegorically closeted, and the next his friends call him out for being a lying liar for not disclosing his marginalized identity within a week (the narrative frames Lois and Jimmy as being in the right). This show's writing is non-committal with what it wants to say, and largely goes on vibes. That is to say I don't think the writers intended for the themes of colonizer guilt to accidentally tie into Thanksgiving as a set piece for their final episode.

I'm sure the reason the writers chose Thanksgiving as their final episode is because it's "relateable". Half the episode is dedicated to slice of life family reunion shenanigans and the dang turkey still not being cooked through. But in choosing Thanksgiving, the writers told on themselves here with their biases. The existence of Thanksgiving implies the existence of genocide (of Native American people) by colonists in the MAWS universe. And yet Black Jimmy Olsen doesn't know what racism is (Mallah and the Brain give him a judgmental stare as Jimmy admits he can't relate to being violently marginalized) and Asian American Lois Lane doesn't understand immigration and xenophobia (constantly being entitled to Clark's immigrant identity, being incapable of comprehending why he would keep it a secret, because secrets are lies). The MAWS crew wanted a "relateable" set piece but in doing so ended up reinforcing the historical revisionism the holiday entails. A foreign colonizer sharing a meal with his friends of color on Earth, whose culture, history, and identity are all white washed.

I would like to challenge this idea that Thanksgiving is somehow the "relateable" choice. Why pick this holiday? Why not celebrate Thanksgiving as a National Day of Mourning (as some Native Americans do)? Why not pick any Jewish holiday as a nod to Superman's creators (ignoring this version's colonizer interpretation for a second)? Why not pick Lunar New Year, a holiday celebrated by many people including Koreans (Seollal in South Korea)? It could've been another fun opportunity to showcase Lois' heritage, and create a fusion of cultures from Jimmy and Clark's families. At its most non-political and secular, why couldn't they pick any weekend? This is what happens when a show doesn't consider its world building and setting in a holistic way. MAWS will nod to xenophobic rhetoric, portray allegorical queer marginalization, and make the vaguest nods to systemic bigotry (Prof Ivo displaced a whole neighborhood! Yet we never hear from those figurative displaced people). But it does nothing to discuss any of that on a deeper level. Its characters of color don't know what racism is and Thanksgiving is just a fun family reunion, guys.

All this and they had the audacity to sneak in a Native American Lois Lane in the multiverse episode?? Why is she, out of all the Lois Lanes in this screencap, the only one in full traditional wear? Why isn't she in a smart casual business fit like Black Lois and STAS white Lois? Would she not have been recognizably Native American to the non-Native audience otherwise? Isn't this tokenizing? Do you think she has a xenophobic dad in the military like Korean American Lois does?

But that fits MAWS' approach to diversity, doesn't it? Surface level cultural nods, maybe make Lois wear a hanbok one time, and let the audience eat it up. Never mind that both Korean American Lois and Native American Lois have been stripped of their culture and history in every other aspect.

I use the word "relateable" a lot here, but I think the important question to ask is "relateable for who?". 'Immigrant' is too charged a word, so MAWS universalizes Clark's marginalization to "being different". Superman isn't even an immigrant in this version, that was all a smokescreen for the twist that he's actually a descendent of colonizers! Being wracked with colonizer guilt is way more relateable to the white audience than being an immigrant, surely. Thanksgiving is more relateable than celebrating any culturally specific holiday our "diverse reimagining" could have represented. Characters of color being functionally white (in a way that doesn't threaten middle America) is way more relateable. MAWS is a show that doesn't want to delve into Native American history. It would rather put a Native American Lois hologram on a pedestal and call it a day.

[wooyoungmybelovedhusband]

☾ ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛ ☽

Hi :3 this is the event I've been eagerly waiting to announce 🙈

Firstly I'd like to start off by saying, thanks to all of you for loving this blog and supporting me all this while^^

I will try my best to answer all of your requests for this event! And with that the rules for requesting for requesting and the prompts will be given below!

ꜱᴍᴜᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛꜱ/ᴋɪɴᴋꜱ

"Who would guess you would turn out to be such a filthy slut?" - Degradation

"Crawl for me" - Pet play

"How many rounds do you think you can go before you turn into a whiny mess" - Overstimulation

"You wouldn't run your mouth like this when I egde you till you're digging your nails into the sheets and begging me like a bitch in heat." - Edging

"Be a good girl and bend over for daddy." - Daddy kink

"Stay still while I fuck your thighs nice and good, Hm?" - Thighfucking

"Don't you just love the marks I leave on your face?" - Face slapping

"Let's see if this throat of yours is as tight as your cunt" - Throatfucking

"Love the way your pretty neck fits right in between my fingers" - Choking

"My belt or my hand? Either way your ass is going to be bruised by the end of the night." - Spanking

"Your tears make me want to fuck you harder till all you can do is shed those pretty tears for me." - Dacryphilia

"I don't think ___ would mind a little show" - Voyeurism

"The more you beg for me to go faster, the slower I move to torture you." - Teasing

ᴀɴɢꜱᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛꜱ

"All I wanted was for you to hold me, was that so selfish of me?"

"Everyday I wish – for me to be the one holding you like that"

"Is it too late for me to realise that I'm losing you? Or have I lost you already?"

"I wish I held you while you were still here, so that I could tell you how much I still loved you before you left the world"

"Your words are just pretty decorations for your actions that clearly show I was never the one for you."

"If only you'd understand, it wasn't just a game for me"

"I hope you're never as happy with her/him as you were with me."

"Did you ever care?"

"It's like you never knew me at all."

"All I wanted was for you to stay here with me."

ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛꜱ

"My clothes look better on you"

"Kisses with you feel like I just visited heaven"

"If I could, I would hold your hand for every second of my life"

"I wanna spend every night of my life with you"

"I'll never let you go"

"You make me so fucking proud, darling."

"I can't wait to meet you so I can shower you with my kisses and have you back in my arms"

"Being yours has never felt so ethereal than right now"

"A day without you?" *shudders at the thought*

"You wanna talk about your day while I give you a massage?"

Rules for requesting:

Please Mention which genre you're choosing the prompt from before requesting. Ex: #2 from Smut

The groups I will be writing for are ATEEZ, Seventeen and NCT. And the actors I will currently be taking requests for are: Cha Woomin - Song Kang - Kwak Dongyeon - Lee Soohyuk - Byeon Wooseok.

For the Smut Genre: You can mention any kinks which you'd like along with it or any kinks that you will be uncomfortable with (since I will be adding kinks of my own)

Every drabble will be at the minimum word count of 600

I will try to answer as many as requests as possible, please don't feel disheartened if I haven't answered yours.

If you have other prompt (/kinks) requests or a certain trope that you'd like (for any genre) which is not mentioned in the list above – feel free to send it in lovely <3

I will try to post atleast two requests a day (if not more) till the event closes!

If you'd like to be tagged in the event, please comment under this post ^^

REQUESTS: CLOSED.

[klmp11s]

Hello! Hope your requests are on! I was hoping you'll do my request (M reader)

First years where they were having a ruckus and broke one of the reader's favorite and proudest paintings (ripped and wood broken in pieces) COUGHACECOUGH. They tried to hide it but sadly they had to show it. Reader tries not to show any hard feelings against them because it's an accident but they were really devastated because their hard work was basically thrown out of the window but they try not to show their sadness to a painting! It's a painting, it doesn't matter at all obviously! They've been spacing out and their mood is slightly down because of it but yk they try not to show it :3

HELLO BB, SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT SO LONG 😭😭I loved this request so much.(English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes)

Summary: The first-year students accidentally broke a reader's painting Characters: Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade, Jack Howl, Epel Felmier, Sebek Zigvolt Warning: male!reader, slight hurt/comfort? I'm not sure, it's mostly soft, ooc(?), (the boys themselves draw a painting for you)

Ace Trappola

Lmao this request was totally for him He is literally sure that now you will not talk to him. The moment when he broke the picture: his heart stopped for a moment and he just looks at WHAT EXACTLY broke with the thoughts that firstly, he will be killed, and secondly, he will kill himself, when he sees your upset face When instead of swearing and arguing, you just quietly say something like “it's just a painting, Ace, it doesn't matter.” He definitely feels worse than if you yelled and kicked him out. He definitely doesn’t believe everything you say like “it’s okay/you can go, I’ll clean everything up/don’t worry so much.” He sees how your hands are shaking, you know? He cleans everything himself. Seriously: boy won't even let you touch the broken frame. After that, he almost runs to his dorm to ask what he should do. Like, he just broke that thing that you kept so carefully and admiringly told and showed him how to make amends? They literally give him a plan with point by point advice so that he doesn’t ruin anything. 1. Bring you a gift to replace what he broke. He definitely wasn't thrilled with the idea of painting you a picture with his own hands, but it would still be fair. Effort for effort, understand? 2. Apologies. From the bottom of his heart, with words through his mouth, so that you can see and HEAR that he is very sorry and he really didn’t want this to happen. 3. Don't put pressure on you. Give you time and not pry into your personal space, you need to think about everything, right? 4. Next comes action based on the situation. No matter how crookedly he got it, he definitely painted you a picture from the bottom of his heart. Well, now you just need to apologize, right? … Okay, this is a lot more complicated than he thought. What should he say? “please forgive me for breaking your most beloved, dear, beautiful painting that you spent many hours on, I’m very sorry”? He doesn’t know at all how to choose the words to make it right. As a result, he decides that the apology can be sorted out as the situation progresses. Literally as soon as he crosses your threshold, RIVERS of words and sentences flow from his mouth. With one hand he pulls the picture towards you, and the other frantically waves it in different directions. You can literally hear him begin to choke while he non-stop tries to apologize to you. Eventually, he stops talking and holds out his hand with the painting and looks at you. The longer the silence lasts, the more he thinks he did something wrong. Maybe you didn’t want to see him, but he almost burst into your room? Could it be something even worse? Then he hears you quietly giggling. Okay, super, great, that's a good sign. His eyes are glued to your face and he sees how you look at his “painting” that he painted for you. It's not so bad, you're even surprised. Okay, maybe art from the heart really does matter. You carefully walk past Ace and he watches as you carefully hang his painting in the place where your painting previously hung. Okay, OKAY THAT'S definitely a VERY good sign. Okay, now he sees your sly look and understands that now he will have to explain himself about the new love language. And perhaps someday in the future he will receive one painting especially for him?

Deuce Spade

Please, he's so sweet, I'm sure he caused a cauldron that accidentally flew into the wall. 😭 But now, he is literally in PANIC when he sees that it is not a vase or something else that has broken, but YOUR FAVORITE PAINTING I'm not sure he would try to hide it because he would literally try to put the pieces and pieces of the painting back together while looking like a panicked puppy The moment he sees you, he will begin to apologize, cling to your sleeves and ASK TO FORGIVE HIM because he didn’t do it on purpose, really. Afterwards, when your face turns from confusion to slight grief, he realizes that everything is VERY BAD When he is already returning to the room, he calls his mother to find out what to do. He has absolutely no idea how to improve the situation. Even if his mother jokingly says to paint a painting for you, he takes it seriously. It will be fair! He will definitely need a few days and advice from older students, I think this is his first experience in something so creative. Especially if the painting is for you. He loves you, he is sorry that this happened and he wants you to not be sad anymore, understood? At the same moment when he finishes the picture, he almost runs towards you. Does the paint take some time to dry? Well, they'll dry while he's running, lol. You are sitting in your room sad because of him, so he should bring a smile to your face as soon as possible! (He didn't hurt it, really. He is very careful with what he does for you.) When you open the door to let him in, the first thing you see is the canvas he holds out to you. Unusual? Unusual. His apology is quiet. Of course, there are many of them and they are really sincere, that he tries not to ruin the moment and speaks quietly. When he sees your soft gaze focused on the painting, he becomes silent and looks at you. He was never an artist, but what he did for you is priceless. You look from the painting to the empty wall, and say that his idea to fill the void is quite good. You decide to give the painting time to dry, carefully leaving it horizontal. Well, now all your attention is focused on Deuce, you still have to talk to him, right? By the time he leaves your room, the painting is almost dry. (I'm sure he will also hang it on the wall himself. It was his fault that it fell, and it was his initiative that it will hang.)

Jack Howl

I can't even imagine how this happened A second, the picture is already on the floor and he is completely confused. Afterwards he sees the reason for the loud sound and he LITERALLY: 😦😧😨 Okay, he definitely, like Deuce, will try to collect all the pieces so that you don’t accidentally get hurt, but there’s literally a crisis going on in his head. He accidentally broke something you've been working on for just over a month, it's a disaster. At the moment he is ALREADY thinking about how he should apologize to you. As soon as he sees you and your sad eyes, his ears literally press to his head. To all his apologies you respond “I know you didn’t do it on purpose. It's okay, it's nothing more than just a painting." Well, now he is more than sure that he needs something more than a verbal apology. The first thing that came to his mind: something that he himself would treasure, at that same second an idea comes to him: Make something for you that is equivalent to what was broken. Jack knows he's not an artist or anything, but for you, he's really willing to try. And after that, you will again be able to have fun with him and you will take care of the cacti in his room together! Oh. He definitely decided that it would be an apology for you. He would also ask the older students in his dorm for advice, and maybe even Vil, since he doesn't really understand art. But, I am more than sure that he is trying to paint a picture for you as neatly and pleasing to the eye as possible. The day after he finished the painting, he would pick up one of his cacti for you along with any little thing you like and head over to you. Once you let him into your room, he hands you a carefully wrapped canvas and a small patterned bag. Okay, now he's trying to find words for you. As soon as you open the package, he starts apologizing to you. Sincerely. Out of the corner of your eye you see how nervously his tail is darting and you turn your gaze from the cactus he gave him to the painting. Did he draw this himself? You hear him quiet down a little when you take the picture in your hands and looks into your face with hope. A soft smile touches your lips. And really, he tried so hard to make amends to you that he was ready to paint a painting for you himself? You hold out the canvas to him and ask him to hang it in the place where your painting previously hung. You carefully take the plant he gave you and place it nearby with your new decorative item. Did he really try that hard for you? Now, you can go somewhere together and relax, and when you return, your new favorite painting will be waiting for you.

Epel Felmier

Please, I’m not sure that in principle he could reach your painting /j But let's skip this point. Now all that was left was: him, the broken picture on the floor that you had been telling him about for a week, and panic. He is literally ready to hide all the evidence the moment he realizes that you will be broken just like your painting. When he hears your steps behind him, he is ready to be thrown out of the room and not be spoken to again. But all you told him: “Epel, it’s just canvas and paints. Tell me better, weren't you hurt? Did you accidentally cut yourself?” ok, now it would be better if you silently kicked him out of the room. He begins to apologize to you and words like “to a strong man, the fragments could hardly harm me” definitely slip into his speech. After that, he immediately headed to his dorm. Perhaps he definitely needs help. As he tells Vil his problem, he sneaks a glance at Rook, who looks like he's already aware of what happened. Okay, now all hope lies with these two, he doesn’t know how best to apologize to you. The idea about the painting was definitely suggested by Vil himself, but Rook added that he should apologize to you in detail. Not as Rook himself would have done, but approximately. Fine. There is a rough plan of action, but one problem: Epel has absolutely no idea how to paint. It looks like he will have to spend even more time with these two, but you are at stake and for your sake he is ready to spend as much time with the members of the verbal dorm as necessary The phrase “art takes time” becomes one of his least favorites. He wants to finish as soon as possible and come running to you with all the speeches he could come up with, but he has to wait until the painting dries. In the morning, when everything is finally ready, he almost knocks over a couple of students as he runs towards you. As soon as he crosses the threshold of your room, one of his hands is in yours and the other is holding out a painting to you. Well, this is the most unusual morning you could have. You, still sleepy, look at the painting in your hand and distantly hear Epel's apology. A smile touches your lips. Was he really that worried about this all this time? You remove your hand from his and ruffle his hair. HE WILL NOT LET YOU HANG THE PICTURE I'm serious. If necessary: HE IS READY TO CLIMB ON A CHAIR, TABLE, IT DOESN’T MATTER, BUT HE WILL DO IT

Sebek Zigvolt

He did this because it wasn't Malleus in the painting/j To be honest, I don't even know how this could happen. Most likely, he hit something, and that “something” dropped the painting… But okay, now he’s confused What fell? Oh.. OH WAIT He just dropped and broke a painting of his loved one. He would help you pick up the broken pieces and try to apologize to you. Moreover, I am sure that the apology will be quiet, in a whisper, rather than his usually loud voice. He's really sorry that this happened when you respond with something like, “It's okay. It’s just a painting” he really feels guilty. Okay, now he needs help apologizing to you properly. A true knight should not upset those he loves. And now.. His Diasomnia group is trying to help him. But I'm more than sure that Silver came up with the idea for the painting. (You can start fighting me, I'm ready.) Malleus and Lilia offered more ideas for verbal apologies, maybe even written ones, but the moment Silver woke up and listened to part of their conversation, he offered to give you a painting. Still, the painting that was dear to you was broken, so why shouldn’t he make amends by painting a new one for you himself? But even so, I think that all three helped Sebek in painting the picture. He must do it with love, right? And love is a rather fragile thing, so he shouldn’t rush so much. He could have written you a letter of apology, but I think he decided to stick with a verbal apology. When he finished the picture, I think that his Diasomnia group lastly gave him advice or some quotes for an apology 😭 The moment he entered your room, he began to ask for your forgiveness more loudly than last time. In the middle of his monologue, he handed you a picture from behind and He didn’t look at your face anymore. Yes, he painted this picture, please forgive him, but he can't look you in the eyes, he will stumble and forget what he was talking about 😭 When he hears your quiet laugh, he falls silent and watches you approach the empty wall. A couple of seconds and he understands what you want to do. Okay, honey, he's glad you forgive him, but take your hands off and let him hang the picture. He will do it himself, you understand? Afterwards, he could invite you to take a walk with him, but, of course, when he is absolutely sure that you feel better than before

The characters do not belong to me, they belong to their rightful owners, please do not edit, translate, repost my works on other platforms, also without my permission and @

[yuwuta]

hi! this might be a bit of a vague ask, but how do you think yuuta is as a partner? like how does he treat his partner, his love language, giving & receiving affection, how a relationship with him would develop, etc. what are his guilty pleasures in a relationship? what are his favourite things to do with a partner? that kind of thing lol. i'm just in love with your yuuta so i was very curious! sorry!

hmm ok well there are basically 3 or 4 yuutas/yuuta aus that live in my head, and then like… some…. ground state version of him that is applicable to most boyfriend aus if that makes any sense 😭 idk how to explain this... but he’s got isomers that all can exist to me and then one normal version that’s just like… the core of who he is. i’m gonna stop talking about that now, but that’s all to say that the specifics of his guilty pleasures and favorite things to with his partner would depend on the au? but generally, he’s a very loyal and intimate person, so that carries through in all his thoughts and actions no matter which au it is

the love language his gives his acts of service. you want something, yuuta will get it for you or do it for you or figure out how to make it for you. he’s a yes man in the sense that he does not know how to say no to you. he’ll say yes before you can even finish detailing what it is you’re asking of him, and it stems from a few reasons.

firstly, yuuta is loyal, almost to a fault, so it doesn’t really matter what he does or who he hurts or undermines if he believes his words/actions are going to keep you safe or please you. his moral compass is skewed in the sense that he goes wherever you go, and it is about the final destination for him and not the journey; he wants to meet you where you are, and he won’t let things get in his way of getting to you. 

secondly, while yuuta is very jealous, possessive, and protective where it concerns you, he also has a deep desire for you to feel the same way about him, no matter how extreme or mundane that is. he wants to be the person you ask to do favors for you, he wants you to show him that you know that he’s yours to ask, to take advantage of, to, quite literally, make all your requests come true. also he pouts if you ask someone else, and considers murder if somebody else volunteers in his place. 

thirdly, there’s a bit of insecurity at play, too; yuuta puts you on a pedestal, and as such, he concretely believes that he isn’t truly worthy of you. you’re otherworldly to him, and he is just someone lucky enough to get to worship you in such proximity; so, he knows that, given the chance, anybody else would want to do the same thing, and he’ll be damned if he lets somebody else get the chance to take care of you. he knows somebody else could, so he doesn’t ever want to take the chance to let them. 

this last reason kind of ties in to all the previous ones, but he also gets off on pleasing you. in the literal, sexual sense, he could cum in his pants just from fingering you or eating you out, or honestly just kissing on the right day. but also, there’s a profound sense of pride and happiness in his chest whenever he does something for you. he’s happy to have made you happy or to have lifted a little burden for you, and he’s proud of himself because he’s proven to himself once again that while he might not be the greatest or strongest or smartest person, he’s more than capable of taking care of the person he loves, and that’s more than enough for him :(( also the words “thank you” coming from you is dirty talk to him he doesn’t even know it but his praise kink goes crazy

in terms of receiving affection, maybe quality time? yuuta could force his own proximity to you if he wanted to (and sometimes, he does), but there’s a certain… joy? relief? reassurance? when you choose to spend time with him or be close to him. it’s a reminder that you want to be with him even half as much as he wants to be with you. he also strikes me as the kind of person to have a bunch of little hobbies and/or to always have some kind of errand to run, so you choosing to tag along with him, or just sit in his room with him while he studies or reads or paints or whatever makes him very happy

[vickyvicarious]

Hello! I was wondering what you make of Seward's phrase "is it possible that love is all subjective or all objective?" I've seen people allude to different meanings on the phrase but I can't quite figure out what it means

I wanted to wait until after 11 October to answer this ask, just so I didn't have to spoiler for the context of my reply. Which is that... my instinct is to oppose Jonathan and Seward's loves for this one. Specifically, in their reactions to the women they love becoming vampires. (I'm choosing Jack specifically to talk about because we get in his head more than we do for the other suitors, though by actions one could argue they fall more on the same side as he does.)

Firstly, let's take a brief moment to talk about the specific words used. Subjective generally means dictated by personal taste, and objective would be based on fact or truth. So, a love that is all one or the other could be very different depending on what the person you love is like. For example, an objective love would appreciate someone's virtues, while a subjective one might find things to love even in their flaws. Or on a larger scale, and much more relevant to how the phrase is used in the book... what would happen when the person you love is becoming a vampire, a creature that is factually and objectively evil and wrong? How would you react, how would you feel?

It depends on your type of love.

Jonathan's love is all subjective. Even though he absolutely hates and despises vampires, once he knows Mina is at risk of becoming one he resolves to join her if need be. He sees her rejected by God when the communion wafer burns her forehead, and he says 'actually no, I think the holiest kind of love is the one that would lead me to join her in her unholy state'. Even when Mina outright appeals to him to kill her if she is too far gone - an appeal to his objective understanding, for him to express his love in a way that confronts the truth of what she would become - Jonathan remains silent and in doing so refuses to make that promise. It's implied that he would be willing to fight the other men in order to protect her, even though they are his allies and friends. His beliefs warp around the shape of his love. He will destroy himself and others for the sake of his love, even if he knows through painful experience how objectively evil vampires are.

Jack's love meanwhile is all objective. Even though he didn't fully understand what a vampire was, he began to lose his love for Lucy as soon as he saw her acting in that way. In fact every time she was acting out of character to be more vampiric before her death, he seemed to notice and be a little put off by it, even though he didn't really seem to realize so much at the time. He outright says this quote when he is watching vampire!Lucy and realizing that he doesn't feel as horrible about mutilating the body of the woman he loved as he would have expected. When he learns Lucy has become a monster, he begins to feel repulsed by her - a process completed when he sees her up close and outright says his love for her is gone: "At that moment the remnant of my love passed into hate and loathing; had she then to be killed, I could have done it with savage delight." His determination to destroy the Thing she now is completely separates her in his mind from her living self. His love gives way to the objective facts. He will help to kill her, and gladly, because what she has become disgusts him... because what she has become is objectively evil.

Obviously, their experiences are different, and perhaps it's not quite such a true binary. Mina's gradual transformation, combined with Jonathan's pre-existing knowledge, is quite different from Jack's abrupt introduction to Lucy's vastly changed self and to the idea of the supernatural at all. But for the purposes of examining this quote, I think it works quite well to set them up at opposite ends of that scale.

.

It's also kind of curious because it calls back to another great line of Seward's: "(Mem., under what circumstances would I not avoid the pit of hell?)" The context of that line is Seward struggling to resist his dark impulses with regards to his treatment of Renfield. And he says this after having noticed himself actively doing something he says he'd normally avoid like the pit of hell, so that means he was approaching it until he caught himself. This is a struggle he repeatedly faces with Renfield, finding himself longing for a cause that he would consider it worthwhile abandoning his morals for, so that he could just give in to these urges.

But while Jack Seward is the person most drawn to the darkness, as we get introduced to the vampires are representatives of the ultimate darkness he backs firmly away. It's only in isolation that he feels so attracted to amoral experimentation; when together with his friends he pulls himself back to be more firmly opposed. His treatment of Renfield is a mess the entire time, don't get me wrong. He never really does right by him. But he doesn't seem to feel that same urge to push him in such a cruel way merely for his own interest/satisfaction. It becomes in the service of a greater goal, the objectively good idea of fighting Dracula. (Again, not saying his methods are good, but his motivation shifts.) He's always been conscious of an idea of what is right to do and he actively tries to follow that, with much greater success when not left to his own devices.

Meanwhile Jonathan has never felt such an intense draw to the darkness. He survived months alone surrounded by evil influences, and it only increased his determination to remain himself/human. He hates the vampires and he feels no true allure to the idea of being like them (outside the allure everyone feels when being hypnotized by them, etc.). He wanted nothing more than a normal happy life, he never longed for a cause that would be worth throwing his morals away. And yet, when Mina begins to turn we see Jonathan decide that this is the circumstance under which he will not avoid the pit of hell. This is the cause he can dedicate himself to as fully as any madman. Jonathan never felt the need to philosophize about trying to avoid such things before he was exposed to them by others, because he has no inherent urge to seek them out. But he also lacks that restrictive hold when a reason does come along.

(To visualize: if there's a pit, then Jack is the person who keeps wandering closer, desperately wanting to lean over the edge and see what's inside. Knowing this about himself, he's tied a rope around his waist to ensure he doesn't slip too far. Jonathan never even went near until he abruptly decides to sprint up and swan-dive straight into it when he thinks Mina's fallen in.)

[flowerandblood]

The Taste of Shame (2)

[ dom!modern • Aemond x friend sister • female ]

[ warnings: doubts related to sex work, panic attack, remorse and depression, fluff, sexual tension ]

[ description: Aemond works as a professional dom, fulfilling the various fantasies of his female clients - however, he guards his privacy and does not enter into any relationships with them, recognizing that he does not want or need it. It turns out that what he wants and what he doesn’t no longer matter when he meets his friend’s younger sister for the first time. Slow burn, sexual tension, doubts related to sex work. ]

Series & Characters Moodboard Aemond NSFW Alphabet

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

Walking to the lecture they talked about everything and nothing; for the most part, she was the one speaking, telling stories or asking questions, guiding her bike beside her by the handlebars, while he just added his thought or simply remained silent, listening to her.

They arrived at the Community Centre true to her word very quickly and indeed he immediately saw posters announcing that there would be free lectures by philosophers in the fields of contemporary ethics.

Robert's sister padlocked her bike in the designated area and they both went inside, following the signs. They entered a large, neo-classical hall with beautiful pillars and rich ornamentation on the ceiling, reminding him of a theatre or opera house.

They sat side by side on seats in one of the first rows − she explained to him that the presenter would be asking questions and, among others, her professor would be answering.

Indeed, the discussion was remarkably interesting and he caught himself drawn in; the men were talking among themselves about capital punishment, attitudes to the treatment of other humans and animals, warfare and human-wide conflicts.

However, he felt a cold sweat on his back and a tightness in his throat, his heart starting to pound like mad when the presenter asked the next question.

"As we know, a lot of young people start, as they say in modern times, sexworking − whether they show up on webcams or have sex for money. How do you, Professor, view this, do you think it's good for the psyche of such people? Is it morally right?"

The professor grunted and corrected his glasses with a slight hand gesture; he was a grey-haired, elderly man with a kindly, calm face.

"It depends on a number of factors. Firstly − what that young person's goal is. When we choose our job, we usually want more than just to earn money, most people's dream is to do things that fascinate them, that they are fulfilled in. Of course, people are also fulfilled in the sexual sphere with their partners, however, what happens when sexuality becomes a profession?

Well, in a way, two things are then combined that can be very destructive to the psyche − materliness and one's own body. At the same time, we make the decision ourselves, so it is not morally wrong if it involves two adults who agree to it, but there is an internal objectification, a selling of some part of our intimacy.

Of course, one can feel good about it. One may even like it. One should not tell such people that they are denying something, or say that they are selling themselves, that they are pricing their value. You see, it is not for us to judge. Everyone can do what they want with their body, it is their unquestionable right.

However, the danger arises when, underneath this materialistic approach, there is a desire for self-destruction, a desire to simultaneously dominate, to be in charge − I decide what happens to my body − and, at the same time, I desire to humiliate myself in my own eyes − I sell myself and I'm nothing, I don't want affection because I don't deserve it.

This issue is very complex and delicate, judging too quickly, especially by outsiders, will be even more hurtful to such people, a confirmation that they will never be loved and accepted, so they will be afraid to make sexuality emotional, which will lead to the opposite effect that we would all like."

The presenter nodded with understanding.

"If the professor were to state what it should look like in an ideal world, what would the professor say?"

The man laughed good-naturedly, stroking his white beard.

"I don't have an answer to that. I think that in an ideal world, the person who is made for us would be highlighted to us in green and those who hurt us in red. But we don't have that option. I think the fundamental mistake of every human being is to make judgements prematurely, instead of being willing to understand, to offer conversation, to support.

Calling someone a whore or a slut has never helped anyone, what's more, it only makes such people even more likely to have suicidal thoughts and be afraid to seek help when they feel they need it, because they are scared of revealing themselves to their parents or loved ones."

The presenter moved on to the next topic, but he heard nothing more, staring blankly at the floor, leaning forward so that his elbows were on his knees − he felt himself trembling all over, his eyes burning from the moisture that had gathered under his eyelids, his throat all clenched.

He felt her hand on his back and he shuddered, glancing over his shoulder at her with wide eyes − she was leaning over him worriedly, he could smell her pleasant scent again.

"Are you all right? Do you want to go out for some fresh air?" She asked frightened, clearly seeing how pale he was, and he nodded in embarrassment.

By the time they got outside it was completely dark; he reached with his shaking hand into the inside pocket of his leather jacket, taking out a cigarette and a lighter, firing it quickly and putting it into his mouth.

He felt her looking at him − they were standing in the square in front of the main entrance where there was no one but them, all around them was the loud hum of moving cars.

For some reason he felt desperate and miserable, weak, small; he clenched his eyes shut, shaking his head, trying to pull himself together. He sat down on the cold stone steps and she immediately sat down next to him, far too close.

He sighed when he felt her hand on his shoulder, stroking him gently, her warm breath on his cheek cool from the crisp evening air. He let out a loud puff of smoke with his lips, thinking only of how he had never let any woman touch him.

He placed his hand on hers, wanting to feel her for once, her skin soft as silk, exactly as he had imagined; he looked at her in pain, her eyebrows arched in worry, in incomprehension of what had actually happened.

"I'm selling myself." He said finally, desperate, and she blinked as if she didn't understand what she had just heard.

He took a drag again, not taking his eyes off her, and let the smoke out through his nose.

"I do all sorts of fucked up things to women for money and get satisfaction out of it, you know?" He asked in a low, trembling voice, feeling devastated how tears of shame one by one began to run down his face.

He felt himself shaking all over and thought he was an idiot, wondering how he could have said that to her. For some reason, he felt something inside him break.

He wanted her to know, to tell him she was disgusted with him, to look at him with that look full of reserve, to tell him it was nothing and just go away simply to let him finally stop thinking about her.

He saw her tighten her lips, her eyes turning red, her eyebrows arching in sorrow as if she was in pain as he was. He felt a pleasant shudder when her hand stroked gently through his hair as if he were a small child, and then she hugged her face to his cheek and simply remained silent.

She didn't say anything.

She stayed.

She wanted to comfort him.

Delighted at this revelation, he burst out into a quiet, mournful sob, leaned over and snuggled his face into her neck, wanting to hide from his own shame and remorse, from what she might think of him, from what he feared and could not forgive himself for.

Why did he have to be like this?

Why exactly did this give him fulfilment?

He sighed quietly as she put her arms around him and hugged him, her soft hand stroking his cheek with gentle, slow movements, her face nestled against his hair and placing a gentle kiss on it.

"You didn't do anything wrong." She whispered finally; he swallowed hard, rubbing the tip of his nose against her neck, brushing his lips gently against her bare skin, again, and then again.

He felt her tremble and tighten her hands on his leather jacket, his manhood in his trousers completely hard.

He had no idea what had just happened between them, but he didn't want to stop.

After a moment, as his emotions left him he realised what he had done.

That he had told a complete stranger about who he was, revealed to her his darkest secret.

This thought made him panic − he got up abruptly and mumbled through his tears that he would go home already, that he apologised to her for everything, not listening to her pleas to wait for her, running quickly down the stone stairs, walking ahead.

He looked over his shoulder as he turned into the corner of the next street and noticed with some kind of disappointment that she was not following him.

He burst out into uncontrollable sobs for the second time once he had locked himself in his car having complete chaos in his head, feeling that he was going through some kind of panic attack.

He thought that until he'd met her he hadn't felt this way, that the idea that he couldn't date her because of what he'd done made him start to regret it all.

What was he supposed to do now?

He reached for his phone hearing it vibrate and unlocked it quickly seeing as many as three new messages from her.

He clenched his eyelids, dropping his phone on the other seat, hiding his face in his hands.

He needed to calm down.

He sat like that for a few minutes in silence, not thinking about anything, just breathing, and then he drove home as if nothing had happened.

He entered his flat, took a shower, ate something and then turned on the TV, all mechanical, completely empty; he shuddered when he got a new message, reaching uncertainly for his phone and felt an unpleasant twinge in his stomach when he saw it was one of his clients.

She wanted to meet the next day.

No, he thought.

I don't want to.

He wrote her back that he was taking a break from it all for a while.

He was infuriated when she started texting him to tell him not to do it, that she needed him, that meeting him made her want to go on living.

He slammed his phone furiously into the wall.

What about what he fucking needed?

When he picked it up after several minutes he found that it worked despite the cracked screen.

He accessed the last messages he'd received from Robert's sister and began typing quickly to her on his phone's keypad.

He pressed his lips together when he saw that she immediately displayed his message, a bubble popped up in his app window indicating that she had just written back to him.

He swallowed loudly, writing her back without thinking, without controlling himself, allowing himself to shamelessly write her exactly what was in his head.

He stared at the screen with a pounding heart, wondering whether to do it or not, walking restlessly around his living room with his phone in his hands − he typed out the answer slowly, feeling that he was hot.

She didn't reply for a long time even though he could see that she had displayed his message.

He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head, laughing despairingly under his breath, not believing how desperate he was.

He'd known it from the moment he'd seen her, when she'd gotten off that fucking bike and looked at him with those big, innocent eyes of hers.

He stood looking at her message as if stupefied, reading it again and again, unable to believe it, feeling like he was about to die from the arousal and heat he felt in his chest, his fingers trembling as he tapped out his reply to her.

And so she did.

He didn't dare propose to meet her alone, knowing how that would have gone down on his part.

He didn't want to scare her off.

However, they wrote with each other for days, even during his classes; Criston and Robert laughed at him for having a girlfriend and not even wanting to introduce her to them.

He didn't care.

She was the first person he told about how it all started, what he felt when he did it, what aroused him and what repulsed him about it all.

She listened to him and answered him with sincere concern and worry, without judging him, without pretending it was a simple and obvious subject, giving him a sense of comfort and understanding.

He made it clear to her that he had refrained from any contact with strange women for the time being.

He licked his lower lip as he lay back in his bed, writing her off quickly.

He swallowed hard when she wrote him back after a moment.

He felt a squeeze in his heart at her words, some kind of pain that she thought of herself that way, that she saw herself as just another person he wanted to take out on.

He chuckled involuntarily, typing back a quick response to her question.

He blinked, looking at his screen with a pounding heart, not believing what he read.

______

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