#and if it were me and i found out i know id be incredibly distressed and maybe a little scared and just knowing other ppl like it just

[whomturgled]

yrkeby4ur8

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

HOLY SHIT I FUCKING FOUND IT.

THANK AZAR

I have spent approximately the past 60 hours trying to find Srentha's old blog. It had so many silly and fun RPs and a lot of character building stuff!

I THOUGHT I remembered remaking his blog (the one that's a sideblog to this account), renaming the old blog so I could give the New Blog the Same URL, but I couldn't remember Exactly how I'd changed the old blog's url.

I originally thought it was just a sideblog of my old personal account, but I logged in and looked at the sideblog list and nearly panicked when I couldn't find it there. (Apparently I in fact have 3 emlog blogs, though??? Should probably consolidate those someday.)

Then I remembered that, way back then, a full decade ago, I had originally made Dove and Srentha's blogs as their own accounts! So I tried to log in to his!

It took me approximately 24 hours of scrounging around in my memories to remember what I used as "his" email address and password.

(It had been 3 days of Desperately Trying to Find This Blog, so the story gets even longer and even more frustrating.)

Then, when I finally remembered I made HIS OWN EMAIL ADDRESS, and what I THOUGHT I remembered the password (I swear to Azar, I had made it the same format as Dove's password, just altering the number and the name), Tumblr wouldn't let me log in without a verification email.

Problem is, Yahoo also wouldn't let me log in to his email. Even though, 10 years later, I still remember what his ID and password were because they were so Pretty and Poetic and Distinctive that they stuck out in my memory. So I couldn't find the URL by simply logging in to the account.

(Also, I "coded" the Yahoo Security Verification Question Answers for his account. Which was a stupid thing to do because then I had to Play Detective because I forgot how I'd coded them. One of them was "Where did you meet your spouse?" And I was like, that's Dove! That's Azarath, duh! Except that wasn't it. I had invented Seranath by then; maybe that's what I used? But no. It took me approximately 3 hours and several attempts using various capitalization techniques in case it was cAsE sEnSiVe to remember I had simply called it, "home." But then it asked me "What was your first pet's name?" SRENTHA'S BIRD HAS HAD SO MANY NAMES OVER THE YEARS. Fuck if I know which one I used! I tried Janellera, Sheera, and Sieara in case I used Dove's, but then it locked me out. Bleh. I might have used Survivor, which is what his name was meant to mean. But Yahoo wouldn't let me try again.)

So just as I was about to make an act of desperation: attempt reaching out to friends who had RP'd with him to see if they still had access to any posts his old blog may have liked/reblogged and maybe The Notes Section would show me His Current URL, I remembered something crucial.

After this blog/account became my Permanent Residence, I went to check my old blog and couldn't find it. Which was Distressing, don't get me wrong. But I quickly found out Tumblr changes the URLs of blogs on old, inactive accounts (ones that aren't Fully Deleted, just unused for a period of time) by adding "-blog" at the end of the URL.

So, fairly quivering with desperation and hope, I tried that. His regular, default, years-long URL.... with "-blog" at the end.

And it came right up!

It loaded beautifully! It's all there! The old patchwork theme with silly fun pictures and all the RPs I remembered and then some, and headcanons lists I don't even remember filling out! Everything I hoped to find and more!

(If you're curious, it's at @highpriest-in-training-blog. There's a lot of Random Fun and RP Fun to go around there, but I can't log into his account At All, so it won't ever be updated, unfortunately.)

I'm so incredibly relieved, you have No Idea. It really shouldn't have been this frustrating to try logging into something WHEN I KNOW THE EMAIL AND PASSWORD! But it WAS.

But now I'm just so relieved I'm a bit emotionally exhausted. Whew,

[urlocalnctstan]

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚄𝚗𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 - 𝙹.𝚂𝙶

• Candy Hearts Collab - @127-mile​

Prompt : “I came to say goodbye.”

Genre : Angst, Fluff, kinda Slow-burnish?, Slice of life, highschool + college AU

Pairing : Sungchan X Reader (Ft. Jeno)

Warning(s) : mentions of bullying and injury (like one scene only), unrequited love, mentions of slight anxiety, hormonal shifts, language, minor character death

Writing nets : @kdiarynet​ @k-dinernet​ @kpopscape​ @czennienet​ @neoturtles​

Taglist : @eh-ovo-nctu​

WC : 9.7k

Summary : What people hated the most is the very word ‘goodbye’. However, it’s the very word that becomes something that you yearn to hear from Sungchan for years.

→ Playlist [recommended]

The sound of the rain was supposed to calm you down, not make you even more anxious and sweaty and you sat with your legs firmly pressed against each other, hoping to fill in the lack of company you were feeling amongst the swarm of people who perhaps shared the same dreams, same aim as yours. Public places as trains, trams, bus stops; you always thought they portrayed as the perfect definition for the word ‘sonder.’ Each individual having a life pretty much as complex as yours — sometimes a little less or sometimes a little more. It fascinated you.

“Do you think the trip is worth it?” Lee Jeno, your best friend of quite a few years puffs his cheeks as he stared dubiously at the red and white poster he held. You took a peek at it, the amount of times Jeno had been pestering you if he should really give up the money he had saved for PS5 as a sacrifice for this trip, it was safe enough for you to say that you had every words printed on it memorized. Well, maybe not every words but the main stuff at least.

“Lee Jeno,” You sharply gawked at the male sitting beside you, earning an ugly grimace from him. “Stop it already. I don’t know about you but I ain’t passing this chance.”

“Wah, what a nice friend I got.” You failed to notice the dramatic eye roll he makes before shoving the poster in his backpack, the one he had been using since the first day you had befriended him. Was it 5 years? 6 years?

“Are we five years or six years?” But I met him on that bookstore down my neighborhood, that was like spring of 2017 and now it’s 2021.

The male let out a snort.  “If I am a five year-old then you are definitely still inside the womb.” Even though he was smiling with that ‘innocent eye smile’ the evil smirk sheathed beneath went unnoticed by you. No sooner had he opened his mouth, a fresh harsh smack landed on his arms that were clad in a filmsy material of cotton and thus a silent yelp of pain escaping from him as he grabbed the area which was starting to sting with each passing second. The smack, albeit meant for him, you were unable to ignore the similar stinging pain in your palm, tears pricking in the corners of your eyes. But you made sure to show absolutely no signs of distress; it was somewhat a matter of childish pride for you.

“Change your career aim from a perfumist to an assassinator will you?” If it were the campus grounds, you two would have already been latched at one another throats; both metaphorically and literally.

“I will gladly not.” You huffed at the male whose eyes held a scornful gaze, now even more annoyed or perhaps, as you would think most of the times, he was just exaggerating. You found yourself mindlessly scrolling through your gallery in search of the recent notes from Mr. Kim’s classes. Until you stumble across something you had been long avoiding, a forlorn fragment from the former days of your high school.

“Here lies the proof of my utmost love and affection, always devoted to my only Y/N.”

It was a picture of you smiling way too bright, cheeks and nose flushed red while being squished by the only male in the frame as he pressed a peck against your cheek. His neck was craned to the side, ripe ears clearly visible in the small Polaroid film. As much as you hated to admit, your heart would still make flips and turns whenever you run into something that reminded you of him, your very first love and first heart break—Jung Sungchan.

Jeno was too busy in his dreamland as he dozed off with his head resting peacefully against your shoulder. It was no new news that the lad had been immensely in love with you ever since the first time you saved him from getting bullied back in 9th grade. However, you were always too busy with your academics and extra-curricular activities and thus clearly drawing a line of only being friends. Nothing else. It happened when Jeno had finally mustered up the courage after excelling in his Maths Olympiad, where he made a bet that if he indeed secures a place in the top 5, you have to abide by anything he wishes for. But he wished for your love, something you were not really capable of doing so; especially at that time. You did not have the heart to say no when Jeno jogged up to you, his eyes transforming into crescents as he smiled wide. “I did it!” His words came out rather breathy, possibly because of him running to you, and maybe because how hard he could feel his heart thump against his ribs when he noticed the proud grin on your face. Without wasting any moment further, Jeno lets go of the white banner of achievement he had been holding, his hands now focusing on yours. You could almost feel the slight tremble and the wetness of his sweaty palms, but before you could even say anything he beat to you by saying, “Go out on a date with me. Only one.”

There were numerous times when you felt guilty about turning down Jeno. At times it had you baffled that why a guy like him would ever bother liking you so much. Jeno was incredibly talented; gifted with unfair boon of genius traits in both academics and athletics. His little version of him always demeaned his abilities, often failing to notice that how much more he was rather than just a quiet kid who loved coding and maths. Maybe perhaps that was the very reason for him to face the bullying, at least that’s what you thought when you first noticed him getting cornered by some stupid idiot dipshits from your class during recess. Jeno’s ID card lay discarded on the ground, as Kihyun grabbed its owner by the collar. You could not understand his reason for not fighting back, and thus being a silent spectator was never your thing so you decided to butt in. As much as you equally hated and liked one thing, boys seemed to get kinda wary of your presence. Especially boys like these who were already in the blacklist of the teachers. It did not take them long to pick their asses and run from the site when you glared them with a threatening gaze, a single word from the class president and they would get suspended yet again for the umpteenth time in the year. You crouched down to Jeno’s level, carefully handing him his ID. You did not bother asking him if he was okay, of course he wasn’t. His face showed signs of previous injuries, the purple hues of bruises slightly fading beside his jaws. You still don’t know why but you felt the need to protect him from his solace, thus leading to this inseparable bond of yours.

But that was a version of him that was long forgotten. Jeno had become the star and face of the school in the last years of your highschool. Acing various quiz competitions, Olympiads, getting highest grades, being the captain of the soccer and basketball team; you were sure God really had His favorites.

You were not surprised when Jeno brought you to your usual favourite—candle shop. It was a hidden gem in your hometown, a small secluded shop located just a few miles away from the metropolitan. Not everyone was aware of its existence until that one day you decided to act rebellious for once in your school life. Of course dragging Jeno into this so called rebel act with you. The date was rather casual, just two friends messing around with wax and chemically named perfume essences. The shop was owned by a lady close to your grandma’s age, and it still makes you wonder how on earth was she able to keep up with the hollering you two were making. No matter how much you convinced yourself that maybe you could give the boy a chance, and perhaps feelings might grow on you later on; you could not make yourself cloud your rationality with the uncertain possibilities. You confessed every single thing that had been on your mind and Jeno just calmly listened to everything you uttered. You could clearly see the expression of hurt washing over his face, but he knew you. He knew that once you had made up your mind, there was no going back. The night did not cause any indifference in your friendship; it bloomed with each passing years of your middle school and then highschool. You two had become the infamous bestfriends, the once timid boy then all buff and handsome and the once spotlight lover girl then buried in her textbooks to pass the college entrance exams.

Throughout these years of teen, the candle shop had become a constant place for anything to you both; sadness, comfort or just enjoyable times. Until that one day when you met the grandson of the lady who owned the shop. Make a guess who it was.

When people spoke of their first heartbreak, you always cringed at how they exaggerated. Technically you never experienced one, so it seemed ridiculous to you that how was it possible to a simple break to cause others this much pain. You were shocked, no scratch that. Using fancy words, you were utterly bewildered when you saw the new transfer student—Jung Sungchan was the name, standing on the makeshift podium of your classroom. Thank God the architects decided to stick to keeping the height of the room above eight feet. You had changed drastically, contrasting your previous bubbly persona, you had become more reserved. It was just you being ambitious about something you had grown to like, and after some backstabs from your friends, you did not feel the need to have so many around you. Just Jeno being there for you was more than enough.

It would be a lie if Jeno did not sense the subtle looks you had been sending over to the new guy, but he was in no place to object you. It had only been a few moments of Sungchan’s arrival and Jeno already sensed his position in your life being threatened. He knew you were a saint who always looked out for others, and something about his presence made Jeno feel wary. Jeno did not need any of the privileges he had, all of it he owed to you after all. It was you who brought the best out of him, and in the end if he has them all but not you, it wasn’t clearly worth it to him. You preferred unpredictable things; it was what he learned about you in all your years of friendship. How you would always choose mystery thrillers over typical rom-coms, how you would always vouch for the new dish in the menu every time you both visited the local barbecue house. And he knew it was impossible to be one like that, it was just typical Taurus things (as he would like to blame) that made him too practical, too predictable for you. But, you never thought like that. It was just that even though you wanted to, you couldn’t make yourself grow romantic towards the boy you always shared your oreos and ramen with. He held a dear place in your heart and life.

Sungchan was immediately welcomed to the family, the girls already swooning over his good looks and amazing grades. Plus icing on the top, he was the half-brother of the infamous Jung Yoonoh, the heartthrob of the whole school, from juniors to seniors. While Jaehyun was the typical definition of being that one dude we always see in rom-coms who is loved and admired by all for his too humble personality and ethics, Sungchan on the other hand was more of a quiet one, often too shy properly open up his orginal self around new environment. Despite that, he was naturally amiable just like his brother, a trait that perhaps ran in the Jung household. Unlike Jaehyun who was presumably born with good brains, Sungchan was a hardworking one. Sungchan tried to settle down the queasy feeling he had been feeling ever since he moved back here, now that Jaehyun was always busy in Seoul with his medical degree someone had to look after their aging grandma. Sungchan was never really a part of any group, so leaving behind his school back in the city was not that painful for him. The atmosphere of the whole campus was pretty soothing; the bushes of neatly trimmed trees, big huge playground and the ochre shaded building. He liked all of it, and to top it all the uniform was really his style: solid crème and dark maroon combination.

When Sungchan stood awkwardly in the middle of the classroom, clearly clueless as to where he would be seating since all the seats were occupied, a soft voice called out his name rather eagerly. His eyes scanned for a while until he saw you; dark hair tied up neatly into a ponytail with a pencil in your hand as you waved him to notice the empty seat beside yours. Sungchan smiled at your sweet gesture, his out of place feeling now subsiding into the warmth of the possible blooming friendship.

“Hi there, I am Y/N.” You chirped, wiping your left hand before bringing it out for him to shake. Sungchan froze for a while before he realized what he was supposed to be doing. “Oh! And this is Jeno!” You turned slightly towards your best friend sitting just behind you with his famous eye smile.

“Hello, I am Jung Sungchan.” He returned the gesture shaking both your and Jeno’s hand. Whilst Jeno had the feeling of roughness and athleticism in his, your hands were warm and soft; it felt nice he thought. That was the first impression of yours to him: ball of sunshine. And your impression of him? Reserved and unpredictable; a combination that only meant chaos and imbalance.

Sungchan side-glanced at your fumbling state. Seating next to him you in the front row, you skimmed over your not so pleasant looking notes that you had scribbled anxiously in the prior night. Public speaking had never been a big deal for you once you get adjusted to the audience after going up on stage. However, it is the pre anxiety session that just always riles you up.

“You know,” Your head whipped a bit too fast to your liking at the voice belonging to the only male that sat beside you. “I’ll show you a trick. Here.” Sungchan proceeded to softly place your trembling hands on his, cautiousness apparent with every move he made. Even though you both had been seatmates for the last three months, you never found yourself involved in any sort of skinship with him; something that was really common for you and Jeno. The look of fluster was way too obvious when Sungchan softly rubbed various shapes on the back of your hand with his thumb, you were unsure if he was actually helping you ease from nervousness or just increasing it further. It had quite been a while since you had your hands caged in his, both of you completely unaware of the looks you had been getting from your senior teachers seated in the neighboring row. The moment was cut off when your name was announced from the stage by a senior, requesting your presence to commence your speech. Sungchan slowly lets go of your hands, mumbling a soft ‘best of luck!’ with his hands now fisted as an act of verbal encouragement. You eyes wandered around the crowd for a while before locating your best friend who sat miserably beside the homeroom teacher, really closing to dozing off before noticing your presence and copying Sungchan’s gestures.

The bus paused, Jeno still deep in his slumber despite the harsh jerk of the vehicle stopping in its tracks. You sighed, he must have probably been gaming the whole night with his roommate Donghyuck again. You nudged softly at first, the lack of response later than causing you to shake him vigorously by his toned arms that barely fit in your palms. Jeno instantly sprinted up with wide eyes before softly muttering a curse at your cruel way of waking him up.

“I was definitely right about you being a torturer in your previous life.”

“Sure you were. Get your ass off the bus now.”

You parted your ways with Jeno on the campus ground, him heading to his coding facult while you headed towards the chemistry club room. Apparently a newbie was supposed to come today from the US. It was odd you assumed since US had much better facilities for students majoring in chemistry. You glanced at your figure on your way to the room, wondering if the ripped jeans were a good choice as a first impression. You just disliked the idea of leaving off bad impressions, even if you are never going to meet the person again until your next life. Jaemin, another close friend of both you and Jeno smiled widely at your entrance, waving his hand as he pointed the seat next to him enthusiastically. Jaemin and you were basically clones of each other, the leos inside of you both shinig at its best whenever you two are together.

“I don’t understand why move back here from THE United States.” Jaemin dragged out the word, scoffing silently as he handed you a cup of iced Americano. You were about to sip before pausing. You could not have possibly risked your stomach again after that one fateful day when you tasted ‘his type’ of iced Americano. This dude legit gulped down eight espresso shots with a satisfied hum, horrified looks painted on your and Jeno’s features as you both just stared at him in utter shock.

“Please not the poisonous drink.” You eyed the male suspiciously, who scoffed at the nickname.

“Of couse not little baby.” Jaemin cooed with his lips puckered and an annoying high pitched voice, purposefully pinching your cheeks a bit harder than he usually does.

 “You little moth-”

“Hello guys, I am Sungchan. Nice to meet you all.” Your heart dropped at the familiar tone of voice. He isn’t possibly back again after leaving without any traces, without a single goodbye, is he? You did not dare to look at his figure standing in front of the table, awkwardly shifting in your seat while Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Hello, Sungchan.” Sulli, your senior by 2 years and also the president of the club greeted him warmly. “I hope you like it here because adjusting to a new place might be hard at times. Oh, these are your classmates; Y/N and Jaemin.”

Sungchan immediately looked in your direction at the mention of your name, his eyes equally wide in surprise mirroring your previous reaction.

“Y/N?” He called out in a rather unsure tone, just like his movements the cautiousness was also present there. “It’s been……a while….”

“Yeah, indeed.” You had a visible change in demeanor, Jaemin finally grasping the tense situation before jogging up to the male.

“Hi there, I am Na Jaemin. You can call me Nana if you want.” Jaemin put his hand out as a formality, to which Sungchan politely complied. “There’s a seat there you can sit.” Jaemin was luckily wise enough to occupy the empty seat beside yours without knowing the turn of events. He motioned Sungchan towards the seat diagonal to you, sensing the discomfort in your posture he assumed it was best if Sungchan sat somewhat further.

Concentrating on the yearly planning for the club was harder with his presence; Sungchan unable to hide his obvious lingering gaze on you. Jaemin would cough every now and then, signaling the male to focus on the club president’s instructions instead of you. But as his usual self, Sungchan pretended to not notice the clear hints, continuing keep his eyes locked on yours. You were barely able to note down some important events, knowing that Jaemin certainly cannot be trusted with his short time memory. After that president bids her farewell to everyone present in the room, you take it as your cue to just flee as soon as possible from his reach.

“Y/N, wait!” Sungchan was quick to grab you just as you were about to exit by the door, the sudden halt in movement causing you to stumble back into his embrace awkwardly. You were definitely embarrassed, your back pressed against his chest in a weird manner as you straighten yourself again. You scrunched you nose to hide your embarrassment before asking him.

“What is it now Jung Sungchan?” You were not meaning to snap at him, but the bitter memories of the past seemed to get the best of you.

Sungchan slightly winced at your cold tone, but what else could have expected after all the pain he had caused you. “I…I do..I mean like I..”

“Sungchan, I have my classes. Gather up your thoughts and then talk.” With that you turned on your heels, not even bothering to take your bag that you left on the seat you were prior sitting. Jaemin observed the scene quietly, his minds finally connecting the dots. Jung Sungchan, the boy you would always cry about whenever you got drunk, the boy who left you with nothing but memories of him. Jaemin thought it was best to not let out his inner frustration towards the guy who was now standing motionless in his tracks, lost in his trance as he gaped towards the door you had just left. Jaemin passed by Sungchan without a word, instinctively grabbing your bag as he made his way to his next class.

Sungchan stood dumbfounded, numerous thoughts racing in his mind. Why did I have to be so foolish? He thought. How can I blame her when I was the one who broke the promise first?

 Summer 2017

It was getting pretty boring for you at the library; usually some of the classmates bickering would give you some sort of silent company as you scribble down the notes. But for some unfound reason you seemed to be extremely distracted. You let out a long annoyed huffed, hands stretching in weird directions as you rested your head on the wooden table. It struck your mind there might be butts of nails pointed out and you didn’t want to get yourself a shot of tetanus, so you lazily glided your hands across the surface before returning back to your half laying position. It didn’t take long for you to zone out, mind running through various scenarios of university life, jobs and perhaps marriage? You blushed at the thought, just like any other teen you were also low-key always looking forward to your wedding.

“Are you asleep?” You shot up startled at the sudden voice, eyes immediately widening as you realized the owner. Sungchan had a smile with his lips pressed into a thin line, casually pulling out the empty seat beside yours as he made himself comfortable on it.

“Good to know you’re not. I need your help.” Sungchan wasted no time rummaging out a stack of sheets from his backpack, pressing them against the wood with a loud thump. You slightly winced at the loudness since the library was extra quiet today, the sound thus bouncing off more.

“You know if it’s literature, I suck at it.” Your mind took you back at that one time when you almost got yourself a C on the mentioned subject, chills running down at the memory.

“No, no.” Sungchan waved his hands softly chuckling. “It’s actually chemistry. Judging as a seatmate, I believe it’s your best sport.”

You happily nodded at the male, pleased that you get to help him with something that was under your specialty. Sungchan took a notice of your happy state, equally pleased that it was you that would be helping him.

“Tell me, what can I help you with.” You took the fat book from his hold, skimming over the contents page before highlighting the topics that were extremely important for the semester.

“I think hybridization? I just can’t seem to get how it works!” Sungchan’s voice levitated suddenly out of frustration, momentarily catching you off guard. Sungchan seemed to notice your amused look, shyly rubbing the nape of his neck with a little shrug.

“You know this is the first time I’ve seen you frustrated.” You commented, eyes fixated on the pages even though they were being extremely reluctant to rather focus on the fussy male. “It’s pretty easy you know. Look.” You explained him cautiously and slowly, how the overlapping of the orbitals occurred not realizing the proximity that seemed to lessen drastically. You whipped at his direction to see any signs of confusion, only to be met with a pair of dark orbs that stared at you intently. As embarrassing as it may sound, you gulped loudly. A bit too loud than you had intended to.

Sunghcan took notice of the situation you both blanketed in as a wave of déjà vu washed over him. He cleared his throat loud and awkward, half to lessen the embarrassment you were feeling and to poorly hide his own. You both were looking everywhere but each other, too dumb to maximize the close distance instead of acting like awkward cats.

“What are you both doing?” a deep male voice jerked you back to reality, upon turning you saw it belonged to Jeno. When did he come here?

“She was explaining the hybridization shits.” Sungchan huffed, slowly settling back to his orginal position. “I asked you so many times though…”

“You know chemistry is not my cup of tea.” Jeno shrugged at the male, a lazy smile playing on his face. “You wanna stay for b-ball practice today?”

“Not sure, I’ll see to it mate.” Sungchan did that fist-bump with Jeno, the two casually mingling like old friends as you stared idiotically at the scene unfolding in front of you.

“Since when did you both become Damon and Pythias?”

“Y/N, please not again your alien languages.” Jeno rolled his eyes before taking the seat beside, sandwiching you between both the males. “Since you happen to be tutoring a clown, an addition of another clown won’t do you any harm.” Jeno smiled at you, his doe eyes disappearing in the process.

Sungchan held back his snort, looking over both of you, he was happy. Though he was not as close to you as he had become to Jeno, he still considered you somewhat a close friend of his. Being seatmates with you and Jeno, it was inevitable that he soon became a constant in your life. Did I tell you that the candle shop was owned by his grandma? The shop if anything, had become this secret spot for you three. Study dates, random chills or just lazying around, the candle shop would be the first name that would pop up in your mind. 

With a blink of an eye perhaps junior year passes. Maybe that was how last years of highschool were. At one moment you barely just got promoted to a new class, and at another, you’re yet again getting promoted to higher one. You sat under the dull moonlight, a thin cardigan that was gifted to you by your dearest friend’s grandma. When Sungchan invited you and Jeno at his, his grandma had knitted this cardigan for you and a beanie for Jeno. The gesture was so sweet that it completely melted your heart, she was the living definition of wholesome for you. 

It was maybe that one day when you three decided to stroll the spring fair of your neighborhood, when you both finally came clean to your feelings. Jeno was always the one pointing you out that how you should just be a woman and confess. “It doesn’t always have to be the guy that says I LIKE YOU!” This what we he said before disappearing into the hives of crowds, leaving you waiting for Sungchan at the front of the public toilet he was finishing his business in. Pretty awkward right? Where else does anyone get to see a girl waiting for her crush in front of a public restroom. Sungchan came back outside, shuffling out his handphone before furrowing his brows at the text he just received. You immediately understood it was from Jeno. You had no idea what came over you, it felt like the adrenaline in your system decided to flood your nervous system, not even aware of yourself just launching at the dude with a chaste kiss on his lips. He was completely taken aback by the sudden feeling of your lips on his, it took him a while before responding you back with the same enthusiasm. You broke first from the kiss, not realising your fists crunching his prior perfectly ironed shirt. But he did not mind it all, a shy smile playing on both of your faces. The rest of the night was spent with your hands laced in his, just like another high school sweethearts of the time.

You smiled at the memory. Sungchan had a cigarette lit between the tips of his fingers, the tobacco smoke slowly poking your nose but not strong enough to bother you. With a deep sigh, he took a puff before blowing it own again in the air, a cloud of smog dancing around his figure.

“You should quit it, it’s not healthy.” It had already been a year since you became friends and six months since you became more than it, but there were times like this when you still found yourself nervous and wary whenever you are talking to him. You snuggled yourself into the cardigan, hugging yourself to minimize the tinges of frostbites. Sungchan was considerate of your discomfort, whenever he smoked, he made sure the cigarette was at least 2 feet away from you. 

“Take this.” Sungchan handed you another thick layer of clothing from his bag, his initials “J.SG” written big and bold. Without much thought, you accepted his kindness, and Sungchan had high tolerance to cold anyways unlike you who would shiver to death in the most usual temperatures. You figured Sungchan decided to dodge the topic you brought it, and you figured it would be better to not bring it up for a while.

“Where do you plan on going for college.” Sungchan spoke while rubbing the shortened cigarette on the bricks of the roof, swallowing the remaining water from his bottle throwing a strawberry gum inside his mouth. You figured he was now free from the reek of tobacco as you scoot closer to his form, opening your arms within the jacket for his to snuggle in as well. Just like Jeno, skinship was no new news for you both too, however; it always had your heart racing like crazy. You both remained cozy under the warm embrace of the jacket, and you prayed Sungchan would never listen how your pulse was acting up.

“I don’t know. Perhaps SNU? I mean only if I get accepted...” You trailed off, propping your chin against your bent knees before glancing at the boy. Then it struck you, what made him ask this sudden question, what made him smoke three cigarettes straight despite having yearly break for a whole month. “Will you be going to the US as well?”

“I don’t know...” Sungchan deeply sighed, his lips forming a small pout as he indulged in deep thought. What if he actually happens to leave for America? Your heart clenched at the thought, mimicking his sighs you rested your head against his shoulder. 

“You know,” You stared at the sky, it was dark and clear with no signs of stars. The feeling was unsettling. “Wherever you go, we’ll always be there for you.” Your eyes shifted to the illuminating lights from numerous buildings that replaced the absence of the twinkling stars in the sky. The ominous feeling soon dissipated into relief. It was as if the universe telling you, we just have to look out for the good sides instead of dwelling on the bad. 

“I know.” Sungchan smiled, one that was both happy and sad. He rested his head on yours, joining your company of gazing at the scenery. “I know.”

“Just...” there was hesitation laced in your tone, Sungchan was quick to notice it as he looked at you, nodding for you to continue. “Please don’t leave...not without a goodbye. Promise me that.”

“I promise you.” Sungchan held your cold hands in his warmer ones, a firm assurance making your heart swell in both hurt and adoration as you kissed him again.

You both never really made it official, despite the kiss at the fair. It was perhaps the uncertainty that held you both back. Sungchan’s future was not in his hands but his family’s; just like his brother, he is supposed to make his family shine bright. It was one of the major reasons why his parents let both the brothers two years of freedom on their remaining bits of high school. ‘All parents want the best for their kids,’ that’s what you would always say to him whenever you meet him at his roof; him smoking while you offered his physical comfort.

The senior year passed within a whim, the fright of entering into adulthood descending upon all the students as they remained buried in their textbooks. Maybe it wasn’t the case for everyone, but it did apply to you and your friends. You remained occupied with you daily extra classes for chemistry while Sungchan had biology and Jeno had mathematics. You three would meet up in periodic breaks, catching up with small talks before returning back to your respective schedules. It was nothing but hectic, and soon, the candle shop returned back to being just another isolated shop in your hometown.

Graduation day was filled with smiles and congratulatory phrases from different individuals, throwing your grad caps in the air felt like as if you were throwing away a significant part of your life, ready to embrace a new version of you. All the parents stood their with proud grins, delighted at their children’s achievement to their dreams.

“Congratulations!” You chirped, receiving bone crushing hugs from both your males before an elderly voice called for you.

“Y/N! Jeno! Sungchan!” It was your mom, waving excitedly to grab you and the males’ attention. “Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” You all resonated together, happy and delighted.

A series of furious knocks jolted you awake from your sleep. You figured it might have been your younger brother, probably wanting your help in his homework.

“I swear to god Y/b/n!” You let out an ear piercing shout, groggily rubbing your eyes from deep slumber.

“It’s me. Jeno.” You heard how breathy his voice sounded, it was coated with urgency and hurt. You heart dropped but you prayed to the Heavens and God, you prayed that it should not be the very thing that you had been dreading so much. You shot up from your bed, not even bothering to make yourself look presentable before whipping the door open to meet with an equally dazed and riled Jeno.

“It’s Sungchan. He...” Jeno beathed out a deep sigh, before handing you a lilac envelope, the initials J.SG written in bold. You failed to feel the tears pooling up, threatening to fall anytime. Jeno glanced over you sympathetically, with shaky trembling hands, you took the the paper. 

You don’t bother to closer the door, Jeno soon taking his leave as he thought it would be best to give you some space to absorb it all in. The tears had started to stream uncontrollably when you saw the picture that came with the letter. It was one of the many pictures that you took on the night of the fair; the day you had confessed, the you had your first kiss. It was a polaroid of you holding him lovingly in an embrace, him shyly placing a kiss on your cheeks with the words ‘Here lies the proof of my utmost love and affection, always devoted to my only Y/N’ scribbled on the white frame. Your hands fished for your cellphone, frantically dialing his number as you waited for him to pick up, hoping that he’ll soothe your anxiety by saying he did not leave, that he was still in town and you were just being delusional.

But every time you dialed his contact, you were being forwarded to the monotonous tone saying that the number was currently unreachable. Your chest squeezed in pain, he had promised you. He promised you that he will come for a goodbye at least. He had promised you that he would never leave you clueless and hurting. All you ever asked for him, was just a goodbye; perhaps a source assurance for you to wait for his return. 

You wiped the tears with the edge of your sleeves, opening the the piece of folded paper.

‘Dear lovely Y/N,

You might resent me when you receive this letter, and I certainly don’t blame you for that. I am not the best with words, I am clumsy and unexpressive but I hope that this piece of scribblings makes you understand all my feelings, my thoughts and emotions that have been haunting me from the day I first saw you.

You know I that I am very much aware that I do....hold some handsome genes.’ You couldn’t help but snicker at this. 

‘However, unlike all, as typical as it may sound, you stood out. You lazily laid sprawling across your desk in deep slumber, completely unaware of the chaos of classroom. I wish I was that carefree like you, indulged in her own world and comfort bubble. It attracted me a lot.’ You got up from the floor, eyes still glued to the piece of paper as you shut your door locked. Your hands still went to dial his contact, but only to be forwarded to that damned robotic voice.

‘I wanted to be like you, not bothered by the constant pressures of coming from a prestigious family. Did I ever tell you my dad is the Director of Myeongsu Hospital?’ You gasped at the sudden information. His dad was the director of the one of the most prestigious and renowned hospitals of South Korea. It was too overwhelming for you to process, but you still found yourself continuing. 

‘It was inevitable for me to act like just another teenager, not for me but for my brother too. I always blamed him for being so selfish when he just left me alone when he came to grandma, I failed to realize that it was some sort of comfort gift from our parents so that we’ll devote ourselves to build the family’s name for the rest of our lives. 

Even though I wanna blame them, I don’t think I can because they had the same fate. It comes with a price when you’re born with a silver spoon, and I guess I had to pay mine when I left your doorstep last night. I...I was a coward. I know I should have just come up, hug you and kiss you for the last time. But I just couldn’t. I was too scared.

I was scared that the moment I’ll see you, my guards will crash down. These two days were really hectic for me, I made up excuses when you invited me at yours because I was afraid of losing my balance. I knew that only a glance at you would be enough to make me change my mind and revolt against my parents, my fate. And you have no idea how much I wanted to do so, you have no idea how I’ve spent endless of sleepless night where it is the only thing that would run on my mind. But you tell me, would it be really worth it? I did not want you spending the rest of your lives with swarming paps and reporters, publishing reports and articles of how you managed to tarnish the heir-in-line of the prestigious hospital. No I could never do to that someone I love so dearly. I could never in a thousand years do that. 

You know every time I picture you in your grown-up self, I can only see a strong and confident woman thriving in her career, a woman that is so powerful but still has a heart of gold. I know that you’ll be an amazing person, inside and out. I wasn’t really planning to express my love and admiration for you like this, I hoped to do it in person, but perhaps, maybe that’s how the stars planned it out for us. Fate is extra cruel in my case don’t you think? 

It would be extremely selfish of me to ask you to wait; I am not even sure if I would ever return because my father would be opening another branch in US. And well, I am not sure what plans he has for me.

So please, if you ever find it in your heart, I hope you will forgive me. And even if you don’t, please don’t ever feel guilty about it. You have all the right to do so and I most certainly deserve your hatred. I love you so much, Y/N. You’re my first kiss, my first love, and you’ll  always hold this irreplaceable place in my heart. 

With Love,

Jung Sungchan.

You felt your world crashing down, a part of you wished that this letter never ended. The only remain from him had also come to an end, and you were not sure how you would be able to cope with his absence for the next years of your life.

Present

“Sungchan is back?” Jeno widened his eyes in shock, the information seemingly unbelievable to him. “He really is?”

“Yes.” You monotonously replied, numerous thoughts battling at the back of your head. Jaemin cleared his throat, a sign for Jeno to not bring up the topic for a while. Jeno eyed the male in confusion before finally getting the hint.

“You’re lucky you don’t get to have Mr.Suh’s classes, he’s just hot and it’s frustrating. And that’s coming from a straight dude like me.” Jeno slurped on his smoothie loud and sound, probably to annoy the other male as he was well aware his distaste to people making sounds while eating.

“Y/N.” a voiced called out from behind, and you instantly knew who it belonged to. 

“Sungchan. Oh my god!” Jeno shot up from his seat, immediately embracing the old face from his past. “How have you been man? You just disappeared...”

“I am so sorry.” Sungchan looked at Jeno with pleading eyes. “I know I have absolutely no excuse for my act and I am just so sorry, Jeno and Y/N.” Sungchan looked at Jeno who silently urged him to talk to you.

“Y/N, please talk to me. I don’t expect your forgiveness but please. Atleast curse me, hit me just do anything. Please.”

You whipped your head to find Sungchan crouching down to match your seat level, a sigh escaping from you as you stood straight from your seat. 

“Guys, I’ll be back.” You gripped his hands before dragging him alongside the canteen corridor.

Jaemin looked over his friend who stood staring at the way you just took. And expressionless look was painted on his features, causing Jaemin to shake his head and sigh. “You know man,” Jeno changed his attention to the male speaking, fixing his glasses. “If I were you, I would have just held her back. You’re extremely strong, I could have never done that.” With that Jaemin patted his friend’s back, a silent assurance that if he needed a shoulder to cry or to simply lean on for comfort, he’ll be there for him.

A mixture of feelings were erupting inside you, you were furious but happy. Sad but grateful. You scanned the halls for signs of any empty classroom and upon finding one you just shoved the male inside it.

“What’s so funny about messing with my feelings?” You already tears welling up, your vision blurry as you sharply glance at the male with a frown on his face.

“Y/N, I would nev-”

“You left me,” you utterly hated at how pathetic you sounded at the moment, harshly wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks. “You promised me that you won’t leave without showing up one last time, but you did. You fucking did.” You knew it was not something under his control, but you couldn’t help but pour your bottled feelings.

“Please...Y/N...listen..to me...Please..” Sungchan lost his composure, his voice breaking as he stepped closer to you. Seeing how you did not flinch at his approach, Sungchan captivated you in his embrace, something that he had been yearning for ever since he parted ways. You felt the wetness of his tears on your head, melting in his longing embrace you found yourself hugging him back. You missed him so much, his scent, warmth, presence. Everything about him drove you crazy, you were still dazed to believe if he was actually back for real or is it just one of your numerous daydreams. 

The rest of the days went as usual, but only with the addition of Sungchan back again in your life. Although you had long forgiven him in his heart, you decided to not vocal it out. As heartless as it may sound, you wanted him to make up for the pain he caused you, and he indeed did. Jaemin was skeptical in the beginning at the idea of another person joining you small group, he had come to liking the idea of you guys as trio and was more comfortable like that. But he saw how your eyes lit up every time you about him when you were newly friends with Jaemin, how Jeno would always drunk talk about the times they passed as seatmates bothering the hell out of you. So Jaemin broke his exterior cold composure on the fourth day, finally accepting the banana milk from the new male as a form of bribe for his addition to the group.

Sungchan worked harder than deities; always making sure to get you Americanos before your classes, taking extra notes for you whenever you felt sick, tolerating your extremely drunk self and even dropping you back at your dorms safely. He had mentioned how he finally mustered up the courage to stand up against his fathers, that he wanted to do something else rather than working in the medical field. Even though he had still yet to decided his desired career, Sungchan decided to just follow his intuitions which ended up him taking chemistry as his major and thus landing in the same institution and same class as yours. And not to mention, he was beyond grateful for it.

A month had passed with his arrival, the awkwardness amongst everyone long gone and forgotten. It was as if he never left you. You were never over him, so his all time sweet gestures was making it harder for you to maintain your cold act.

“I happened to attempt making kimbap? But I am not sure if they are edible..” Sungchan trailed off as he hesitantly hands you the small metal box. You almost laughed at how cute but messy they looked, his failed attempt at giving the rolls eyes and lips with sesame seeds and ketchup was beyond adorable. You took the box from his grasp, a smile playing on your face as you looked at him. Sungchan upon noticing your grin, rubbed the nap of his neck shyly, his ears and cheeks mirror the shade the of the ketchup. You took a bite from one of the many rolls he made, a hum of satisfaction escaping your lips as you relished the tangy sweet taste. It was perfect, just how you preferred it.

“It’s pretty good.” You licked the stain of ketchup from your fingers, failing to notice how the male blushed harder at your subtle act. “We have Mr.Lee’s class, so I believe we should hurry up before it’s too late.”

On the night of the annual university carnival, Sungchan confessed to you. At least not in front of a public washroom this time. With the constant aid of Jeno and Jaemin, Sungchan was able to plan out a pretty dramatic confession for you. You were completely surprised when Jaemin called you out of nowhere, frantically asking for your presence to a specific classroom. You feared if the dork had committed some sort of treason explaining how dramatic he sounded, so you rushed without giving any second thoughts. However, when you saw the trail of roses with candles adorning the edges, you froze. It had the same scent both you and Sungchan had invented; the sweet scent of lily with tinges of tangerine to it.

A flustered looking Sungchan steps out from the dark, his hands rest behind his back as you cautiously scanned your face. When he saw no signs of discomfort, Sungchan slowly jogged to where you stood, his hands holding a bouquet of lilies with a small note on top of it.

“I know I have made tons of mistakes, hurt you so many times. But I still want to test my luck.” Sungchan got down on his knees, holding the bouquet with his head hanging low. “Y/L/N, will you allow me to be your man? Will you be my girlfriend?”

A shit eating grin spread on your face, slightly giggling at how adorable he looked. “I thought you’d never ask.” You took the flowers, a soft smile adorning your lips as you lock eyes with an extremely surprised Sungchan. “Of course Sungchan.”

“Of course? For real?” Sungchan couldn’t believe what just happened, he was half expecting you to flat out reject him at how inconsiderate he had been. But you accepted his apology, accepted his love. Sungchan stood up, his heart squeezing in delight and adoration for you. He cupped your face gently, as if you were a porcelain doll that would just break if not handled carefully. You saw how his eyes shone with love, sparkling brightly on the soft light from the lighted candles and you swore you never felt so much before for anyone else as much as you felt for him. Sungchan closed the proximity, his nose slight touching yours as he rested his forehead against yours, the smiling never for once leaving his face. 

The tension was building up with each passing second, the sounds of your heavy breathing being the only silence breaker. You got impatient, the feeling of his lush lips got you being greedy as you closed the distance standing on your tip-toes, momentarily catching him off the grid before receiving the same attention back. You gripped on his shirt, too unbothered to break the kiss despite losing your breath. He paused for a moment, panting before pulling you back under his spell. The bottled feelings and emotions of longing and pining for each other were poured into the this sweet shared moment of yours. You were grateful that the whole building had no signs of any lurking students and professors, what was supposed to be a innocent make-up kiss soon transformed into a heated one as he held you by your waist, pinning you against the wall with his lips still attached to yours.

You pulled back for the heavy make-out session, almost earning a whine from the male before you soothed him with you words that came next. “I love you.”

 Sungchan felt his already beating heart pick up its pace, becoming hastier that he was low-key afraid if he might face a stroke anytime. With a loving grin, he looked back at you who was still caged in his arms. He tucked the stray of hair brushing across the sides of your face from the soft breeze entering the windows, the illuminating yellow hues from the candles making you look like a dream. A dream that seemed unattainable to him until this very moment.

“I love you so so much. Thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself, to allow me to show you my feelings, Y/N.” He was breathless, he felt so many emotions at that moment when you glanced at him loving. He was afraid his pulse might stop any moment, so he kissed you back, but now filled with passion and desire. And let’s just say, one of your fantasies were fulfilled that night.

The news of his grandma passing away came after a few months when you both had officially started dating. Both the Jungs were extremely close to her, so when Jaehyun took her back to Myeongsu Hospital where he was currently the chief of neurology, her condition was inevitable. Jaehyun hoped that maybe she might get to spend more time on earth under his care, but he too was victim in the cruel hands of destiny. Sungchan rushed to your dorm, bloodshot eyes as he told you the news. You found yourself sobbing alongside him, tenderly keeping him embraced in your warmth as you shared his pain. You knew her personally as well, all the moments spent with her were a profound favorite part of teen years. 

“I wanted to meet you before I leave for Seoul. I came to say a goodbye.” Sungchan sniffed, his hands wiping away the streams of water rolling down your face. You smiled at his concern, mimicking his actions you brushed his sweaty bangs away from his forehead before placing a soft peck against it.

“It’s okay. Don’t tell me goodbyes anymore...for I know you’ll always come back to me.”

Epilogue

Sungchan fumbled with his tie nervously, bile reaching up his throat as the worst scenarios flooded his brains. His eyes frantically looked around for help, making a bow-tie was just not his cup of his. A breath of relief escapes his lips when his eyes landed on his closest beloved friend Jeno. Jeno stood leaning against the door frame, an amused grin painting his sharp features as he walked to the struggling male.

“Bro...” Sungchan huffed pleadingly, a pout forming his eyes.

“Yes bro.” Jeno flashed him an eye roll, before having the same eye smile again as he fixed his friend’s tie. After all, it was a big event for him.

To say the least, you looked breathtaking in your white laced gown. The simplicity of the dress made you look more elegant, it enhanced your natural beauty and Sungchan couldn’t just tear his eyes away from your form. It was supposed to be the bride’s day, but to him you shone the brightest.

“You know it’s me getting married, but the new comers might assume it’s you considering how you are gaping at y/n shamelessly.” Jaehyun hissed to his best man, earning a scoff from Sungchan.

“Hyung, let me have my moment! Please.” Sungchan whined but was careful to tone it down, only to receive a slight nudge from the groom who chuckled at his antics. 

The wedding was glamorous, elegant, anything that could be named as a dream wedding. Sungchan remained glued beside you the whole night, a proud grin on his face every time he was asked about the lady whose arms laid locked with his. With a smug look, he would rub on their faces that you were his girlfriend, especially exaggerating to the males who seemed to had their eyes on you. You both enjoyed the silent company of each other, the soothing sounds of the wind replacing the absence of music as Sungchan drove you back to your place, hands still intertwined. When he came in front of your shared apartment, he fidgeted in his seat nervously; fishing out something from his coat. 

You figured it was another one of his endless gifts, so you just smiled with your back resting against the cushion seat of the car. 

“Sungchan, you really need to-”

A throat seering stopped you in the midst of speaking, your eyes widening when you realized what the purple velvet box might contain. Sungchan let out breaths of nervousness, blowing out some air out of his lungs to lessen the feeling of anxiety as he looked at you, eyes as genuine as ever.

“Y/N, I don’t believe in fancy proposals as you know. It is an intimate moment for us so I want it to happen in the presence of only us.” Sungchan stuttered in the middle as he opened the box, revealing an extremely gorgeous but simple plated band with a small stone adorning the top perfectly.

“So will you marry me?”

You stared at the male dumbfounded. Your eyes refused to believe the scene in front of you, hearts doing numerous flips and turns and it was just hard to explain all the feelings you were feeling. Sungchan had always been the one for you, and even though not everyone gets to have a happy ending with their first love, you were beyond grateful that you had happened to fall in the rare probability.

“I...OF COURSE. OF COURSE I WILL.” You yelped in delight, shoving your hand in front of his face as he just laughed while placing the ring on your finger. It fit perfectly. You grabbed him by the collar and kissed him with your overpowering passion and love, not realizing how if continued any longer, you guys might have to pay a fine for parking on the wrong side. So without wasting any time further, you both hauled yourselves to your apartment, refusing to break the contact of your lips molded perfectly together on your way. In short, let’s just say ‘sweet innocent kiss transformed into a heated one’ yet again.

© urlocalnctstan 2021

I went completely overboard with this. I am so sorry if it didn’t turn up as you had expected it to, and honestly I am not completely pleased with it either. I felt like it could’ve been better in terms of expressing emotions. However, improvement is a never ending proccess and im still learning. SO TO WHOEVER WHO HAPPENED TO MAKE THIS TILL HERE. I LOVE YOU SODIJMS YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME. 

Feedbacks and criticisms are always appreciated! Please care to leave them as it may help me potentially grow as a writer. Thank you for sparing your time to read my piece of work.

with love,

Hana.

[joshuas]

facts

♫ pairing: hwang hyunjin x female reader

♫ genre: fluff, crack (seriously, do not question how i came up with this), domestic au, established relationship au

♫ warnings: mentions spiders, and mentions use of alcohol?

♫ word count: 1.5k

♫ prompt: “are you drunk?” “not nearly enough” from this prompt list !

♫ a/n: this was actually a request from @starteez and dedicated to her as a very very belated birthday present <33 hope you like it :)))

♫ summary: hyunjin gets super drunk and has a Crisis, meanwhile you just wanted to watch the latest episode of your favourite drama.

♫ tagging: @jadezircon @mostlikelynotmelissa and @potato2earth - let me know if you would like to be part of the tag list !

You sighed, settling into the couch, tub of ice cream, and tv remote in hand.

It was Friday night. Otherwise known as you and Hyunjin’s drama night, in which you’d watch the latest episode of the most recent drama the two of you were hooked on. However, today, Hyunjin had decided to go out for drinks with Felix, ditching you and your drama night. Initially, you were annoyed (not that he was hanging out with his friends but more so that he messed with your tradition), but you realised that you could just watch it without him. I mean... he was going out and having fun, who’s to say that you can’t do the same by chilling with your favourite characters and finding out about whatever dark secrets they had been just about to reveal in the previous episode. Okay... the latter of that was your main motivation for it. You’re not that lonely or sad.

Nodding resolutely, you scooped your ice cream, settling into the couch as the drama played, your attention fixated on the screen.

The sharp buzz of your phone startled you out of your immense concentration, the caller ID flashing to reveal your boyfriend, Hyunjin.

Your eyes widened in panic, your hands knocking the ice cream off of your lap as you reached around for the TV remote. The phone buzzed continuously, ringing as you fumbled around for the off button, leaving you breathless as you picked up the phone on the final ring,

“He—“

“Y/NNNN~” Hyunjin whined into the phone, his breathing heavy.

“Hyunjin? What’s wrong? Are you crying? ...Are you drunk?” You closed your eyes, only to open them again in confusion as you heard sniffling on the other end of the phone.

“Not nearly e-enough! I-I don’t w-want to be e-eaten.” He sobbed into the phone.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion,

“What?” Your tone coming out sharper than expected, eliciting more sobs from Hyunjin.

“F-felix w-was telling me about how f-female s-spiders e-eat their m-mates, and now I’m scared and I’m n-never coming h-home because y-you’re going to e-eat me.” Hyunjin breathed, between sobs.

...What?

“Excuse me? Why would I eat you. Felix was talking about spiders.” You said, slightly offended by his drunk comparisons.

He breathed deeply,

“Y-you know how the other day we were watching a Marvel movie and y-you k-know what you s-said? You said that the c-character you r-relate with t-the m-most with is Black Widow!” He exclaimed, almost hysterical.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, as he spoke incoherently at the phone, sobs heaving out of him as if he had just witnessed something deeply distressing. Well... what his drunk mind was picturing was slightly distressing, so it made sense.

“Well yes, because she’s a strong, independent female lead. Anyway, you’re too drunk to understand any of that. Hyunjin. Where are you?”

“I’m not telling you! Y-you can’t come to Felix’s house!” Hyunjin attempted to ward you off before realising his mistake a second later. “FELIX! Y/N’s COMING! She’s going to eat us—“

You hung up on him, grabbing your keys and heading out the door... ignoring the melting ice cream on the floor.

As soon as you reached Felix’s apartment you flung the door wide open, apologising profusely as a wincing Felix came out from behind, guiding you to your extremely drunk boyfriend.

Not noticing your entrance, Hyunjin had positioned himself quite... oddly, so that his head was on the rug on the floor but his legs were on the couch, a hand flung dramatically on his forehead, and another hand on the floor, not too dissimilar to someone doing a one-handed snow angel.

He looks like a four-year-old...

You cleared your throat behind him, approaching him tentatively. Whipping around, his eyes widened when they landed on you, panic flashing through them as he scrambled to sit upright.

“What are you doing here?” His words, although slightly slurred, still portrayed fear that was not well-founded at all. How his drunken state got to thinking you were a spider was beyond you, but then again, he was drinking with Felix, so who knows what went down there.

“I came to pick you up since you’re um. Drunk.” You raised your eyebrows, stating the obvious.

“No! You’re not allowed to take me back to your web.” He stumbled forward, couch cushion in hand in an attempt to ward you off.

Web? Oh my god...

“Can you— ugh. I’m not a spider! I’m not going to eat you! You’re my boyfriend, for God’s sake, and I love you, and I’m not a cannibal. Besides, you wouldn’t be very delicious, you’re mostly just muscle.” You sighed, raising your arms in frustration and defeat.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened in offence, placing a hand on his chest and stepping back, tears started to well in his eyes.

“I— oh no. What? Why are you crying again?” You panicked, settling him on the couch, rubbing his back soothingly as you mentally cursed his current over sensitive state.

“Y-you really t-think I w-wouldn’t be d-delicious?” He sobbed louder into your shoulder, as you rubbed soothing patterns on his back.

You rolled your eyes,

He’s so drunk.

“This conversation is so concerning, and one that I want to discontinue at all costs. I'm not a spider, and I'm not going to eat you. I don't want to comment on... that.” You deadpanned.

“How did you guys even get this drunk?” You glanced between Hyunjin and Felix who had emerged from the kitchen, ice pack on his slightly bruised face.

“It was all him. I asked him if he wanted to come over and watch the latest episode of this drama we’re both really into. He started drinking as soon as we started watching because he didn’t want to remember any of it so that when he watches it with you his reactions are genuine. Eventually, he got too drunk to even sit still, so we turned it off and started talking about stuff.” Felix shrugged.

“...and you somehow got to talking about spiders?” You asked, unimpressed.

“We were baking because he wanted to make you cookies, since he felt guilty...for basically watching nothing. I guess he still felt guilty for the action. Anyway, he freaked out after seeing a spider. Hyunjin, plus being drunk and his usual dramatic self is not fun. Especially when spiders are involved. I told him that fact because it was at the top of my head and he gave up on the cookies and started freaking out about you. Speaking of the cookies, I should probably check on them. You need to take this home before the rest of the guys come here if you want to have any of it.” He headed to the kitchen, leaving you and Hyunjin alone in the living room.

“Hyunjin, why didn’t you just stay home if you were just going to watch the drama? You know that today is drama night.” You crossed your arms, directing your attention once again to your sniffling boyfriend.

“I didn’t want to cry in front of youuu,” he sobbed. “I didn’t know what was going to happen next and I thought they might break up and I just...” he trailed off.

“You know that makes no sense right? You’re literally sobbing in front of me now. Also, you’re my boyfriend, I’m supposed to be there for you, tears and all. Besides, we’ll probably both be sobbing if the main characters broke up. We’ve shipped them too much for that to not be devastating.“ You said resolutely, your gaze softening as you looked at him, snuggling closer to you.

“I knowww.”

“Come on, let’s go home. There’s a tub of ice cream waiting for the both of us.”

Your drama night was postponed to Saturday seeing as soon as the two of you arrived at your apartment, Hyunjin collapsed and fell into a deep sleep on the couch... and your ice cream was on the floor, melted and no longer edible.

Leading you to Saturday night, where you and Hyunjin were snuggled together on the couch, wrapped in a blanket burrito, eating the cookies he baked yesterday, alongside a new tub of ice cream, whilst bawling your eyes out.

“I told you,” he sniffed “I knew this would happen.”

Your tear-filled eyes blurred your vision as you tried to focus on the crying characters on the screen, reaching for another tissue,

“I know, but it’s not as bad when we’re watching it together, and besides, these cookies are incredible with ice cream.” You snuggled into him and gave him a watery smile.

“Hey, as long as you’re not a spider and about to eat me, I’m all for our drama nights and cuddles,” Hyunjin smirked.

You pushed him lightly,

“Oh my god... how do you even remember any of the stuff you said? You were ridiculous.”

“I don’t know but the fact still holds.”

“It’s not even a fact! I'm human!”

💫 masterlist !

[puppyluver256]

[Image Description: Three fan-made Pokemon made to resemble plant-themed mammoths or mastodons.

The first Pokemon is a yellow baby mammoth with brown eyes, green feet, light green inner ears and trunk tip, and green hair on its head, back, and tip of its tail. It has its front feet in a position that appears like it’s going to start walking forward, with its head turned toward the viewer and a smile on its face. Green text outlined in darker green to its right reads “Haymuth”.

The second Pokemon is a lime green young mammoth with brown eyes, dull green inner ears, grass-covered feet and trunk, small beige tusks, and green hair that resembles soy plant leaves on its head. The tip of its tail resembles a soy bean pod. It is walking towards the left of the image and holding its trunk out. Green text outlined in darker green to its right reads "Soystodon".

The third Pokemon is a grassy green mammoth with dark green grass-like hair on its head, back, and feet, purple eyes, lavender inner ears, and long pale lavender tusks. It has small purple flowers growing from its grassy bits, and a large purple flower sprouts from the tip of its tail. It is walking toward the right of the image with its trunk held up and its head turned to look at the viewer. Green text outlined in pink to its right reads "Hedeomadon".

End ID.]

-----

Haymuth - Baby Mammoth Pokemon | grass Often frolicking in tall grass, the hay-like hair on their body makes for the perfect camouflage to ensure their safety even in the moments when their mothers don’t have their eye on them. / Haymuth are incredibly playful, running around with abandon in tall grass and picking up objects with their trunks to use as toys. Great care should be taken to keep inappropriate objects out of their reach.

Soystodon - Young Pachyderm Pokemon | grass Soystodon trunks are quite nimble and can often get into things that one may not expect. This often leads those living with humans to overeat when food is improperly stored. / While they are more independent than Haymuth, it is not uncommon to see them holding onto their mothers’ tails with their trunks. They do like to distance themselves from adults a bit more, but they are still young and still feel a need for parental guidance.

Hedeomadon - Royal Mastodon Pokemon | grass/fairy The females travel in matriarchal groups with their young, while males either roam individually or in male-only groups. The groups reunite on occasion in order to breed at their discretion, usually when the pennyroyal plants are flowering. / Hedeomadon mothers are very protective of their young during early development, and separating Haymuth from their mothers for even a few minutes can be very distressing for all parties involved if done hastily. They are fine with letting trusted humans watch their young for them, however.

After a long amount of waiting to give that survey some time to garner responses before I got started working on the player illustrations, I'm finally back to posting Cantessy region content! So here's our grass starter Haymuth, now with their evolved forms Soystodon and Hedeomadon! I hope the one other person who picked Haymuth in that survey is still happy with their choice, there were two people who picked them and I only picked them because if this were gen 9 I'd be using a grass starter regardless XD

I wanted to go with the perceived theme of grass starters being based on extinct megafauna, so obviously I'm going to look at extinct animals that were around the Appalachian area in the past. and of course, the first prehistoric beast most think about when dinosaurs are taken out of the equation are mammoths. Fun fact, did you know that the first mastodon skeleton excavated and studied scientifically was found in Kentucky? It's true, and if you've heard of a place called Big Bone Lick, you know at least something about the place now because that's where they were specifically found. (it's called Big Bone Lick because there was a salt lick there that animals would get sodium from, as well as the obvious big bones found there). So with that in mind, I decided to combine mammoths and mastodons with agricultural stuff from around here. Was tempted to go with tobacco for one of them but ehhhh I don't think that'd be all that appropriate for a Pokemon, so I kinda just turned that into a name for a human character instead. (and yet the poison-type gym leader and her occupation exists...you'll find out later, hehe) Haymuth is, of course, utilizing hay in their design, while Soystodon obviously has soy. Hedeomadon is a bit more obscure. Their name comes from Hedeoma pulegioides, also known as the American pennyroyal, or "pennyrile" by local dialect. I literally didn't know it was a Thing that Existed until I started research for this project, let alone that it's a pretty big crop here. And the flowers kinda gave me a fairy vibe, so that's why Hedeomadon gains the fairy type.

In terms of gameplay if this were an actual game, the Haymuth family is gonna be more special-focused ant a bit bulky, with both special stats and HP being highest on baseline. They'll obviously learn a good amount of grass and fairy moves that take advantage of this along with some status moves, and when Hedeomadon has evolved they'll learn the move Royal Bloom, which acts similarly to Flying Press in that it works as both a grass and fairy type move in terms of super-effectiveness (and by that I mean it does double damage to the things that are weak to fairy as well as those that are weak to grass, but does normal grass damage on things that are neutral to or resist fairy). Is that broken? It might be broken, but at least the other starters get something like it so maybe that balances it out? I'unno, I'm a character designer, not a game balancer hehe. I mainly just get the visual for how it'd look, and I can imagine it being like a beam that gets fired out of Hedeomadon's tail blossom thing. That'd be cool o:

Also if anyone wants to suggest other moves for these guys to learn and some physical stats (ie. height and weight, I only have a height for the base form starters atm and no weights XD ), feel free to throw 'em at me :3 Links to their info pages will be provided in the replies!

💖🐶 Check out my pinned post for ways to support my artwork, among other things! 🐶💖

~If you like, please reblog to show your friends! Likes are appreciated, but reblogs let more people see my content! If you have something to say, feel free to give feedback in tags/comments/replies as well!~

Pokemon and related concepts © Nintendo/GameFreak Haymuth, Soystodon, Hedeomadon, the Cantessy region, and artwork © PuppyLuver Studios

[thingstotellthem]

How do I come to terms with the fact that my parents are treating me better now (at least for the time being)? They were mean and emotionally abusive in multiple ways, but I'm now having a hard time remembering any specific things that they did. Okay, here goes (1)

Dealing with various things over the years (context: I'm 26 and still living with my parents), including depression, anxiety, and distress over how my parents treated me, I gradually began to self medicate more and more, first with alcohol, and then in the last year i discovered vaping. (P 2)

Flash forward to about a week ago, and I find myself in the hospital, not remembering getting there, apparently having suffered a seizure due to alcohol withdrawal. I go through an incredibly foggy few day, during which time i apparently became violent during a few incidents (again, little to no recollection), and then I stabilized eventually. (P3)

These are the people who would act like I was attacking them if I do much as said something in the wrong tone of voice, take away my electronics if I forgot to wipe the table, and forcibly grab me and drag me by the arm without warning if they didn't like something I was doing. (P5)

Now, after I've actually really messed up for once, they're actually acting kind of like normal parents, all 'we're here for you' and 'we just want to see you get better' and 'we're proud of you for signing up for that program'. I fully expected to get ripped a new one for all the vapes that they must have found, but what do I get instead on the car ride home? 'I don't think it would be a good idea to let you vape until you've completed the (ten day) program.' (P6)

Whereas I would have expected my 'smoking-is -disgusting -and-it's-amazing -I -haven't -disowned-half-my-relatives' parents to consider vaping worse than the drinking. They're also going out of their way to make sure I'm comfortable and to help me with stuff. (P7?)

I don't get it. I have a violent nervous breakdown, cause my parents all kinds of grief by winding up in the hospital, and a bunch of pretty serious stuff I've been lying about comes out in the open, and my selfish, emotionally abusive, controlling parents suddenly turn into gentle, concerned, protective, caring teddy bears overnight? They haven't even really scolded me for lying. What's going on, is this going to last, and how should I make the best of this new, good but confusing situation?p8

first id like to apologize since it seems like tumblr ate the fourth part of your message. im sorry to hear youve suffered such a severe ordeal and i sincerely hope you feel better.

while i have no way of knowing for sure what goes on in your parents minds and can only speculate, the (tentative) explanation i can offer is that this might have been some sort of wake up call for them; maybe seeing real physical health damages allowed them to understand the depth of your mental health struggles as well. sometimes its easier for people to ignore mental health issues as long as theyre "pretty" or "quiet" and dont really affect day to day life in a visible way. having a physical representation of your pain might have shown them how much youre really struggling.

be advised, though, that this might not last. i know from personal experience that sometimes abusers can be very sympathetic in the moment and following days/weeks after an incident in the abused persons life, but over time that sympathy goes away and they lapse back into their old ways. keep a low profile, keep your head down, be cautious. try to enjoy the care youre getting now while it lasts, but be careful of giving them anything they might be able to use against you or hold over your head later. i hope you get the help you need. ♥

[aboyandhisstarship]

Humans are weird Purity/ the emergency broad cast system

The TV tones pulsed three times before a forth long one the TV flashed “this is not a test.” As a voice said “this is the Emergency broadcast system, colonial authorities advise the public to proceed to safe area’s and to follow the lead of lead of armed Military Personal, be alert and carry with you one personal bag, this is not a drill…this is the emergency broadcast system…”

A jet engine blasted over head as the TV flickered off.

24 hours earlier:

T’Las sat in her quarters as she started to write “being on a human warship puts me in a strange circumstance…many people have contacted me hoping to learn if the humans have as powerful weapons as some rumors claim…well after much cajoling and the agreement to let a Human military officer read and if necessary reedit this report (say hello LT!) Hey guys…this is weird…does this microphone actually work…anyway don’t worry not much ended up being cut.

 Now first off is the main offensive weapon of Human war ships, the Magnetic  Accelerator Cannon (M.A.C.) a M.A.C. gun speeds up a shell to a percentage of the speed of the speed of light (for ships usually between 12 and 15 percent) firing the shell into the enemy ship…this is incredibly effective it is predicted a low powered human M.A.C. round could punch through 4 ships before slowing down and being combat ineffective.  It is also the main planetary defense platform of earth and her colonies, these M.A.C.S are two kilometre long behemoths.  This one works the same way but fire there slugs 25 % of the speed of light…and spirits help you if it hits your ship.

 Rail-guns: the secondary weapons on a human ships fire rounds rapidly and are designed mostly to take out missiles and rockets (more on those later) but are also use for anti-fighter and anti-ship activates.

Missiles: now humans are quite keen on these and every ship is equipped with several tubes to fire these things.  Human have 2 major kinds

 Nuclear: a nuclear missile or Nuke as the humans call it are the most powerful in ship to ship combat, it is a reactor rigged to blow and destroy an area usually about 50 km wide.

Electromagnetic plus: the humans want you alive so they fire a different kind of nuke at you, knocks out your power and allow you to be boarded.

T’Las was about to say more when all of a sudden lights went red and The captain went over the inter com saying “we are now in a War state, all hands battle stations.”

*the following report was granted by the SICON Office of Naval intelligence under the freedom of information act*

Cahlti star empire is the official name for hat we have called “fanatical Purifier’s.”  a heavily militarized state that believes all other alien life is an front to the their spiritual existence as such relations with these groups are no existent in a peaceful sense, they have often attacked other neighboring species claiming that it is bandits well aware that any race that wishes to fight a war against them would have bad time…there is a phrase on earth “don’t fight a land war in Asia.” Trying to invade the Cahlti would be like fighting a land war in Asia,7 years of hard fighting and would result in millions of dead.

  Valley Forge:

The camera flew through the bridge as the ships lights were blaring red a Human Crew member said “ma’am we have 45 boogies on our scanners, all armed…it is unknown how much of the force is left, but they engaged the M.A.C platforms, and have won the engagement.”

Hernandez said “Alight, Chief, where is Battle Group Fortress?”

A coms officer turned her chair around “picking up black box’s ma’am, it seems Fortress was forced to retreat….Manticore is 45 seconds behind us…they will engage the fleet…I am picking up confirmed reports of ground combat.”

Hailey took a deep breath “hard launch we are coming in, get Dagger prepped, there mission is locate the governor, arm rail guns load nukes and Get the M.A.C online…open up as soon as we drop out of Chekov, dump dagger same time.”

Hernandez said “T’Las get geared up…you are dropping.”

The camera cut out and changed to a rocking motion as T’Las screamed in a metal pod as Ericson’s said “Dagger 0-1 to Overlord come in.”

A voice with a drawl answered “we are picking you up Dagger 0-1…”

Ericson said “everyone hold on, we are almost to touch down …Over Lord do you have contact with the Governor!”

Overlord said “that’s a negative Dagger 0-1 we have not been able to locate her before the winter contingency was activated…we will pass on the address to her  house, however we have confirmed enemy presence in the region, happy hunting.”

Ericson called “Roger…detach in 4, 3, 2,1!”

T’Las screamed again as her metal shell blew and she was in the air above some neighborhood a pair of human jets blasted through the air above them and her body jerked as her jets kicked in and she crashed through the roof of a house, a human family lay on the floor in a pool of blood, the TV blasting a series of tones...as a robotic voice said “this is the emergency broadcast system…”

 Ericson said “Futuba turn that TV off.”

Futuba responded “on it boss!”

Porthos sniffed around as Abebi said “boss, the coordinate’s Overlord gave us are…4 blocks east of us.”

Ericson nodded coldly “Safety’s off, but pick your targets…combat wedge, T’Las you’re in middle stay close.”

T’Las nodded as a jet blasted overhead again the camera cut again.

 The camera turned back on as Ericson entered saying “woof….Depoint?”

The woman advanced taking one look at the body saying “can confirm she is dead…tortured to death sir…”

Ericson groaned “confirm it’s her…Overlord this is Dagger o-1 we have a possible ID on the governor…”

Over lord responded “uhh Roger that, Dagger 0-1 what is her status?”

Depoint called “can DNA confirms it LT.”

The camera panned to show T’Las bent over with Abebi patting her back as Porthos whinnied Abebi said “easy let it out.”

Ericson said “Depoint check on T’Las, Overlord…Governor is confirmed KIA…who is next in the chain of command…”

Overlord was clearly nervous cursing “fuck…uh let me get back to you Dagger 0-1.”

T’Las vomited again, a Green sludge coming of her mouth as Depoint said “easy…do you feel dizzy?”

T’Las nodded “a bit.”

Ericson walked over saying “how is she?”

Depoint said “I’m no expert sir, but she is in shock….she may need some care Sir.”

T’Las was visibly shaking saying “they gutted her like fish…I have seen videos of it on earth…but to a living thing.”  She bent over again vomiting.

Ericson smiled “what you are feeling is perfectly normal ok, just breath through it…if you ever feel like you are in distress let us know ok.”

Ericson radio cracked to life “Uhh Dagger 0-1 this is overlord…what is your rank?”

The squad look at each other as Ericson said “lieutenant first class, ODT…”

The voice dropped the southern drawl speaking in a British accent “Lieutenant Junior Grade Marco Paul-son sir…uhhh I’m in the logistics core sir…I was in the command center by sheer chance, in the opening attack the hostile’s hit a building…where the rest of Civilian and military leadership, calls came in for the command center…so I pretended to General Barrows….I know I wasn’t supposed to, but no one would have listened…they needed orders…a calm voice in there ear…but I’m over my head…I found it who is highest ranking officer on the planet…it’s me.”

The squad went quiet as Ericson stood straight “listen good son because I am only going to say this once, you have been doing a great job, so stop doubting and start commanding.”

Ericson flicked off the private channel saying “Over lord Dagger 0-1 mission ended in failure  where do you need us.”

Overlord had tears in their eyes but shook it off saying “uhhh Right, Dagger 0-1…we have reports of a squad of marines trying to lead a group of civs to safety, these guys are under equipped and terrified, show the flag and help them, it will do wonders for them to see a ODT team.”

Ericson nodded “roger Sir…we have their location.”

  3 hour later:

T’Las leaned on a wall as Bullets flew past mowing down the aliens before she look up seeing hundreds of metal pods, Overlord said “all friendlies be aware ODT teams are dropping in quadrant 4 and 6, link up with them if at all possible, all air units cover there landing.”  With that the camera cut.

 5 hours later:

 T’Las was on a stretcher Depoint said “you will be ok.”

Ericson plucked down next to a young man hitting him on the shoulder “how you are holding up?”

The kid formally known as overlord said “I’m a hero apparently…don’t feel like it.”

Ericson grinned “you saved a planet…that sounds like hero work to me.”

The kid laughed “thank you sir.”

The camera cut out.

[straycat-writes]

l’appel du vide (nakahara chuuya)

l’appel du vide (french n.) - “the call of the void”; the instinctive urge to jump from high places.

requested by: anonymous

warning(s): Alcohol, swearing

You sighed as you dropped into bed with a dull thud. The clock on the bedside table blinked 2:00 AM, and after the incredibly long day you had just had, you wanted nothing more than to crawl under the covers and not emerge for a full 24 hours. That, apparently, was not to be, however. You were teetering on the edge of sleeping and waking, just about to fall asleep, when your phone began to ring on the bedside table.

Mumbling a curse under your breath, you sat up in bed and rubbed your eyes. You reached for your phone, your bleary vision not allowing you to check the caller ID as you picked up the call.

“Hello?”

“(Y/n), hey!!!” said a slurred male voice from the phone, “How are you, baby??”

You blinked, then frowned, “…Chuuya?”

“Who else?” he said cheerily from the other end, before letting out a string of vile curse words as you heard something crash loudly in the background.

You sighed, already feeling a headache coming on, “Why are you calling so late, Chuuya? And are you drunk?”

“I just wanted to hear my darling’s voice, is that too much to ask for?” he whined, “And yes, I mayyybe be a little tipsy, but that has nothing to do with it.”

“Not your darling.” You muttered under your breath as you frustratedly threw off the covers and got off the bed, searching for your keys, “Where are you?”

In Chuuya’s vocabulary, ‘a little tipsy’ meant ‘wasted off my ass and on the verge of passing out’, and whatever history the two of you might have had, you couldn’t leave him be when he was like that.

He paused, as if to consider what to say, “So-somewhere…drinks…bar…I don’t know.”

You rolled your eyes, “You know what? Nevermind, there’s only one place you frequent anyway. Just…stay there. I’ll be there in a few.

True to your words, five minutes later, you were in your car driving towards Chuuya’s favourite bar in the dead of the night. You ran a hand through your hair, muttering to yourself in frustration, “Why, why, why did this idiot call me of all people?”

It had been a month since you had seen him last. All you remember of that last encounter was a lot of screaming and yelling at each other interspersed by strings of curse words before the inevitable ‘I want to break up’ came. You didn’t even remember which one of you had been the one to say it, but frankly, it didn’t matter. It had been said, and that was that. You had completely cut yourself off from him after that, in order to wallow in your sorrow alone and in peace, and as much as it pained you to think about now, the thought of how Chuuya might be holding up hadn’t really crossed your mind.

The answer to that was obviously ‘not good’, as it became apparent once you parked your car outside of where you thought he might be and went inside. Chuuya was getting chastised by the bartender, but he didn’t really seem to be listening, instead looking spaced out and smiling like an idiot. In hindsight, you should have seen this coming. Chuuya has never been too good at dealing with stressful situations, and only has two sorry excuses of coping mechanisms: destroying something or getting drunk off his mind. When he saw you, his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“(Y/n)!!” he trilled, “You’re here.”

Choosing to roll your eyes in favour of gracing his wasted ass with an answer, you went up to him and tried to get him to stand on his own two feet. After apologizing profusely to the bartender on Chuuya’s behalf, you managed to half lead, half drag Chuuya back to your car. You dumped him unceremoniously into the passenger seat before getting in yourself. But instead of starting the car, you just sat there for a while, arms resting on the steering wheel and head resting over them. How did we even get here?

Back when the two of you had still been together, you used to think you’d spend the rest of your life with him. That was before everything went wrong. It was no one’s fault, really, and after a month of shutting yourself away, bingeing on ice-cream and crying yourself to sleep, you had just about convinced yourself it wasn’t meant to be, and that you were both better off away from each other.

But then this bastard decided to drunk dial you in the middle of the night, and here you were.

You felt a slight tug at your hair and looked up to see Chuuya twirling a lock of it in his fingers, “I love your hair. It’s beautiful.”

“Shut up, Chuuya.” You muttered, moving his hand away from your hair as you started the car.

“But I want to talk!” he whined, before quietly adding, “I missed you so much.”

Your heart skipped a beat at that, but you willed yourself to keep driving, “Just…please shut up.”

When he didn’t say anything for a while, you glanced at him from the corner of your eye. His head was resting against the window, eyebrows scrunched up as he stared outside with a very displeased expression on his face. Like he wanted to say something but couldn’t figure out how to.

There were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept in days, which he probably hadn’t, and your heart clenched in your chest. You knew Chuuya had little in the way of self-care habits, but you hadn’t thought it would get this bad. Any third person looking at the two of you would have immediately pointed out that the look of exhaustion on his face mirrored the one on yours, but the thought never occurred to you.  

“Just what the hell have you been doing to yourself?” You mumbled quietly to yourself, not really expecting him to answer.

He heard you though, even through his drunken haze, and let out a bitter laugh. It sounded almost sober, and that surprised you enough to look over at him again. His eyes were glassy and rimmed with red as he looked at you, and even though he definitely wasn’t sober, he looked slightly more in possession of his wits.

“The past month has been the worst in my life.” He said after a while, “Hell, I haven’t got so pissed drunk since that shitty Dazai left.”

You sighed in frustration, “And what do you want me to do about it? I’m the last person you should be coming to.”

“Maybe. Probably.” He mumbled, “At this point, I’m really not sure what I should be doing. I…wish you’d just listen to what I have to say.”

“Listen to what you have to say? There’s nothing left to be said, Chuuya.” You said, getting increasingly distressed as you tried to keep your eyes on the empty road, “It’s done and over with, and just when I thought I’d come to terms with that – “

“I know, I know.” He interrupted, a strange kind of desperation lacing his voice, “But will you please, please just hear what I have to say?”

As if I have a choice, you wanted to say, but didn’t, and he took your silence as a yes.

“I miss you, (y/n), so much. And I know it doesn’t…doesn’t mean…much to you, but I’m so sorry.”

You snorted at that, and he fixed you with an incredulous look. You shook your head.

“I really am, and I – I don’t know what I was thinking, I just – “

“Chuuya.” You interrupted, “You’re just rambling nonsense now. Just…shut up, we’re almost at your flat.”

He sighed, “I…I guess I was just afraid.”

“Afraid?” That had piqued your interest, and the question was out before you could think the better of it.

He was hesitant at first, but then nodded, “Being with you…it felt – felt like walking the edge of a cliff. Not in a bad way, of course, but it felt so…foreign, I guess you can say. I have never been so utterly and completely in love with someone, and I knew if I accepted that and fell over the edge, you would be right there to catch me. So that’s not what scared me…”

You were listening to every word that tumbled out of his mouth with the utmost attention, partly because you were genuinely curious, and partly because you knew he would never talk this openly if he were sober. So, even though some of what he said hurt, you listened.

“What scared me was that…I…I often found myself actually wanting to…jump off that metaphorical cliff. Each time I realized what I was thinking, I would be horrified, because…well, it meant letting myself go, and you know that doesn’t have any good connotations for me. I didn’t know if I should, if it was the sensible thing to do, or even the right one, but…I don’t know if you’ll understand, (y/n), but being so completely in love with someone that you want to completely hand yourself over to them is…frightening, to say the least.”

All this time, you had been listening to him in mute wonder, not wanting to interrupt whatever trance he seemed to be in. He got scared and left you…because he loved you too much?

When you didn’t say anything, he cursed under his breath, “Damn it, this is harder to explain than I thought it would be. I’m not doing a very good job, am I?”

“What? No, it’s just…” You wanted to say you understand, you really did, but you weren’t sure if that was quite true. By now, the two of you had reached his flat, and you parked the car in front of his building, looking over at him frowning.

“Shit…I’m sorry, I just…fuck!”

“Chuuya.” You interrupted, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Chuuya! Look at me. Calm down.”

He sighed, then looked over at you with sad, red rimmed eyes, “It’s just…I’m sad. I’m sorry. I suck. I love you.”

Neither of you said anything for a good two minutes after that, just sitting in the car and listening to each other breathe. Then you sighed.

“Well, you’re certainly very eloquent for someone as pissed drunk as you are.”

He blinked at you, confused, “What?”

You shook your head and smiled at him, a thin, watery smile that dripped with sadness, but a smile nonetheless, “Let’s get you inside.”

You weren’t even sure if he’d remember any of this in the morning, or if he really did feel the way he had just described, so scared to love you, to be in love, that he pushed you away. You had no idea how to handle this, and the ache in your head just kept getting sharper and sharper. For a moment, you even caught yourself thinking that maybe it’d be better if he didn’t remember anything in the morning. That way, the both of you could go on living your lives as if nothing happened. But could you live with such a big ‘what-if’ hanging over your head?

As you drove back home in the dead of the night, after putting him to bed, you decided you weren’t ready to find the answer to that question yet.

[saharamae21]

Never Ran Smooth (Part 20)

Hey guys, just a few more chapters left!! Let me know what you want next!

Just thought I’d give you some info on me! 

My name is Sara so writing Sarah is super trippy for me xD 

I’m a 20 year old Journalism major and International Studies and Photography double minor. I’ve been writing since I was thirteen and have a pretty successful Teen Wolf fanfiction on Wattpad. Id really like to get to know some of you guys! Send in some requests too!

________________________________________________

Love's stories written in love's richest books

JJ was gone when I woke up. I rolled over and reached forward, but found nothing except empty sheets. I groaned and got up, leaving the bed a mess as I walked into the main house. My side ached so I grabbed some tylenol from the cupboard and downed a couple. I made my way up the steps and into the bathroom. I got into the shower and let my body relax as the cold water rushed down my skin. Then I heard a yell downstairs.

“Where is she?” My dad sounded furious. I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. I opened up the bathroom door and my dad loomed over me. “Are any of them here?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. I watched him storm away, fuming about something. He tore up my room and searched every spot in the house. I threw on some clothes and made my way downstairs. My dad was yelling at my mom about Ward and John B. I could tell my mom was scared. I could tell something wasn’t right. I ran and stood in front of her. “Leave mom alone!”

I felt him grab my wrist and throw me out of the way. I fell hard against my side and my mind went dizzy. I listened to my mom yell at him about my three broken ribs. I turned onto my back and breathed heavy. I can’t be here anymore. I just can’t do it. My dad knelt down next to me and reached out for me, concerned for a moment. I scooted away, found all my strength and ran. I snagged my car keys on the way out and climbed in. When did family stop meaning anything?

I walked down the path of the chateau and noticed everyone was there. Pope was frantically explaining something when I finally got to them. I caught the tail end of the conversation.

“Guys, this is our chance, but it leaves tonight, and we have to go,” he said. I watched as they all got up and said hi to me. They ran past and JJ grabbed my hand walking with me. He explained to me what was going on and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We all piled into the van and took off.

“We go in there, guns a-blazin',” JJ said, holding the gun. I took it from him, not waiting any mishaps to happen during this heist. “...make Ward Cameron beg for mercy, abscond with as much gold as possible and vámonos, get the hell out of there.”

“Down the Intracoastal,” John B added.

“Wait for weather,” Kie said.

“Exit to Cuba,” Pope finished.

“Cuba?” JJ asked. He slung his arm over my shoulders, taking the gun back in the process. “No, man, Xcalak, Jewel of the Yucatan. Lobsters so thick, mangoes, and no word for money.”

JJ had this cute fascination with the Yucatan. It fit him though. He would surf all day and there would be no worries for him. I smiled at the thought as we continued down the road. Finally we arrived and all that separated us and the gold was a fence, Ward, and workers. Then John B saw Sarah and all hell broke loose. Ward was hurting her and John ran to the van. He got in and he took off, driving straight into the fence. We all ran and yelled, but we couldn’t stop them. We just had to watch everything else unfold. He pulled in front of the plane and stopped. We were screaming as the plane stopped just short of him. We all stood there as cop cars sped towards the scene. None of us could get arrested right now. Kie grabbed the gun from JJ and we all walked away quickly. In the distance I could hear a gunshot and stopped running. I looked at them.

“I’ll go check,” I said. JJ grabbed my hand and I shook it free. “You’re on probation. I’m our best bet. I’ll meet you back at the chateau.”

“Savannah, I’m not letting you,” JJ said, grabbing my hand again. “I can’t lose you.”

I stared at him and I knew I had to cave at this moment. I couldn’t do that to him. I nodded and he pulled me into him. We caught back up to Kie and Pope and waited to see if the plane was going to take off. Sure enough, it flew through the sky. The gold was gone. I heard Pope yell and throw something. He was finally losing it. He threw a full out tantrum before collapsing into a chair.

“I was wondering when this was gonna happen,” JJ said, walking towards him. “Here you go, chief. A little weed never hurt no one.”

“JJ,” Kie said as I hit his chest.

“Relax girls,” he said.

“You know he doesn't smoke,” Kie said, but Pope took the dab pen.

“Well, maybe not until today,” JJ said, taking a seat next to the distressed boy.

“Pope,” Kie said. She tried to reason with him, but then Pope told us he lost his scholarship. He walked straight out of the room to accomplish nothing in return. He had nothing. I stared at him, not knowing what to say. JJ wrapped an arm around him.

“I'm here for you, Pope,” he said. “Welcome to my world, okay?”

It broke my heart to hear him say that. Was I nothing? He had me and all of the pogues and still that didn’t seem good enough. Kie was getting emotional, trying to talk sense into the boy. Right on cue, to break up everything was John B. We ducked as cops whizzed by, but then I saw all the blood. I nearly threw up as we checked him for wounds. JJ covered my eyes and held me close. He could tell I was uncomfortable. I listened to John B recap everything that happened. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We got John B cleaned up and filed into Kie’s car. I took shotgun as we drove around, finally ending up at the police station. John and JJ bickered back and forth for a while about being here. Kie chimed in and then Pope. Everyone was on different sides, JJ and Pope against Kie and John B.

“Guys,” I said. “We have to try. We’re running out of options.”

We waited in the car as John B went inside. I could feel the tension rising around us. No one spoke and it was incredibly uncomfortable. It didn’t last long though. John B ran out of the station, yelling for Kie to start the car. We saw officers running after him and took off. I remember all of us yelling and panicking as they ran after us.

“What the hell?” I yelled, breathing fast. My heart was beating a million miles an hour as I leaned back against the seat.

By the time we parked, everyone was exhausted. I switched places with Pope so he could sleep better. John B laid in the backseat next to JJ and I and Kie laid in the drivers seat. My heart was still beating like crazy. I was scared out of my mind as John said they think he killed Sheriff Peterkin. The cops were looking for him. We knew the truth and we were going to protect John.

“Are you scared?” JJ whispered softly. I nodded, keeping my head on his chest. He placed kisses on the top of my head and caressed my hair gently. “No one’s gonna hurt us.”

“How do you know?” I asked, looking at him at last. His eyes looked scared behind his confident words.

“I won’t let them,” he cooed. I leaned up and kissed his cheek. I put my head back on his chest and thought about my family. I wondered if they were scared and looking for me. Maybe they didn’t care at all. I thought about Peterkin and Sarah. I wondered if she was okay or not. How could I sleep when I was this anxious. “C’mon baby. At least close your eyes, so I know you’re trying.”

I closed them and right as the thoughts popped into my head, JJ began to whisper in my ear.

“I love you. I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll keep you safe,” he whispered, trying to distract me from my thoughts. It was working too. He kept whispering to me until I was fast asleep in his arms.

______________________________________________________

Tag List : @jjmaybangme @thebendslikebendover @justcallmesams @jellyfishbeansontoast @obxmxybxnk

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[thegildedkelpie]

- P R O L O G U E -

Rating: Young Adult

Warnings: Sexual assault, gore, various distressing themes

Summary: Humans have a lot of names for the Veil; the Other Side, the Great Beyond, the Heavens or the Hells, Limbo, Purgatory. The Norse had Niflheim and Alfheim, the Gaelic and the Welsh had  Tír na nÓg and Annwn. Nowadays, the slang is simply Veilside. Easy, quick, and it doesn’t come heavy with cultural ties.

Severed has lived with one foot Veilside and the other foot Humanside for as long as he could remember. He works and lives in an abysmal halfway place, a pocket dimension powered by brutal, messy magic, slaving away in a slaughterhouse to pay off a debt.

Niamh stepped unwittingly Veilside in high school, cutting his life abruptly short and ruining what remained. He works in a gilded cage, a beautiful, famous brothel, until one day he gets out.

When Severed lets Niamh crash on his couch, the precarious balance he’s managed to keep up begins to tilt.

┕━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┙

“What is your name?” the nurse asked. She was wearing plain white from her head to her ankles; an apron over her dress, socks that hid the skin of her legs. Her shoes shone black.

Niamh stared at her, fingers tangled in the sheets of the bed he didn't remember waking up in. There was a horrible, sugary, bile-heavy taste stuck in his throat and his head felt heavy. “Where am I?”

She smiled. “The Gardens, of course.” She said it precisely, like a title. “What is your name?”

“What's the gardens?” he asked warily, looking down at himself. He had been in a hoodie and skinny jeans, but someone had stripped those off and replaced them with what seemed to be a pale cream gown. He pulled his legs up. A pang of nausea hit as his bare legs beneath – bare everything – brushed the fabric. “Where am I?”

“There is nothing to be frightened of,” she said kindly, setting a hand on his shoulder. She had pointed ears like he did, but the face was wrong. She was not like him. Even with barely any time veilside, he could tell. “Everything will be explained in time. Please tell me your name so that we can start the paperwork.”

“Is this a hospital?” he asked. Maybe he’d gotten sick, or passed out somewhere. The last thing he remembered were vodka shots and thumping music at a club he shouldn’t have even been at. He looked at her chest, at her simple, dated dress and white coat, but there was no name tag or ID badge. Purple, bell shaped flowers were embroidered on the cuffs of the white coat and the rounded collar of her dress, small pops of color.

She nodded, looking pleased. “We're here to make sure you're healthy. Now, your name?”

He stared at her and finally said, “Niamh?”

The nurse made a pleased noise and started scribbling on the clipboard. Unlike the humans he was used to, she did not ask him to spell it out for her. “Middle and last names?”

He ignored her. “How...how did I get here?” He leaned forward, heart pounding. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be able to walk into the front door of his house in Las Vegas instead of being forbidden from entry, or for his parents to look at him instead through him. The Veil had been fun until it wasn’t, the magic amazing until it had become frightening. “I don't remember anything but a party.”

She didn't look up from her clipboard. “We had to sedate you. You were getting sick all over the place.”

“Sick? From the party?”

Nothing but the scratch of a pen answered him. After a long moment of scribbling on the clipboard, she looked at him. Her smile had not changed in the slightest. “I'll be right back with your paperwork, alright?”

“Okay.” It was discharge papers, he bet. She would bring him his discharge papers, his vomited on clothes, and he would leave. The faeries he'd been travelling with would probably be waiting in the front lobby of the hospital, ready to laugh at him and slap him on the back and drag him off to another wild party, another few nights of trying to forget what he had given up when he’d made the choice to cross the Lines.

He watched her go because there was nothing else to do.

After a few moments, the door opened and he got a glimpse of high white walls and decorative moulding, gleaming mirrors and paintings in gold frames, before the door shut behind the nurse. She had a slip of cream paper in her hand and a pen.

She held it out to him. “Please sign this.”

He took it, expecting a discharge paper, but it was thicker than he expected and soft to the touch. The letters were incredibly small and the font was blocky and hard to read. The title was illuminated, colourful, and gilded, a green leafed plants climbing up the side margins to border the text, bell shaped purple flowers and black berries hanging between paragraphs. “What is this?”

“Your contract.”

“Discharge papers?” he asked. His head pounded but there was no music.

“Contract,” she corrected. “Please sign it so we can move you on out of here.”

“Am I going home?” he asked, but he had no home. Not now. Not anymore.

“You're already home,” the nurse said.

Niamh shook his head, stomach twisting. He teetered to his feet. The floor pulled him down and he stumbled, the nurse catching his arm. “I'm going.”

“Going where? There's nowhere to go until you sign,” she laughed.

The faeries had warned him never to sign a contract, never to trust a person with a hidden name, to avoid unmarked vans and unclear signage, swamps and bridled horses and will o' wisps, people with sprigs of rowan or ash pinned to their breasts, to not be swayed by the glamour of high courts or old money or the shiny, neon lights of the new money.

“What’s your name?” he asked dizzily.

“Tint,” she said smoothly. She couldn't lie, he knew, but she could obfuscate, tell him a nickname with no power or identification.

“Where are my friends?” He pulled away from her and found it difficult to remain upright. The room spun around him.

“I wouldn't know, you arrived here alone. I promise there are new friends here that you just haven't met yet.”

He looked around. The room was nondescript and plain but there were details he hadn't noticed before. The counters were white, the walls were white, the floor was checkerboard white and black marble tiles, and there was a strange stain in one white tile, rusty and shimmery and pale. Would the door be locked? Would he make it if it wasn't and he ran? “I prefer my old ones.”

“But everyone likes new friends, don't they?” Her head tilted to the side. “Please sit down, Niamh. You are dizzy.”

His stomach was sinking lower, lower. “Did you give me something?” he asked and realized at the same time.

“No,” she said, touching his elbow. He tried to stumble away from her. “You were unconscious when you arrived.”

He looked down at his inner arms. In the crook of one elbow was a little red dot – needle mark. He wasn't strong, always coughing and catching colds and bleeding all over his homework from his nose, but he was quick. He darted for the door and was out of the miraculously unlocked entryway before the nurse could grab him. The hall had high, vaulted ceilings, doors on one side and windows into a courtyard patio on the other, buttery sunlight pouring in. Another nurse was pushing a tea tray down the hall and she stared at him, mouth open.

“Are you lost?” she asked, but he was attempting to sprint down the hall before she finished. His vision spiralled, sending him skidding, knocking into the wall to stay upright. The gown had a back, which spared him some humiliation of running down a hall with his ass exposed to the world. It was a small comfort, but something nonetheless.

He had always been quick, pressured to join track team year after year despite his coughing fits, and the nurse was not fast enough to catch him. The double doors at the end of the hall swung open when he threw himself into them.

The air was not cold but it wasn’t warm, either. The sun was bright but not as blinding as it should have been. It was as if the weather was so mild that there was no weather at all.

Scattered across the patio extending into the green courtyard were tables, and other people in gowns stared at him, plates of sweets and pots of tea in front of them. A few laughed and pointed, snickering behind their hands.

“Niamh, get back here!” the nurse called, beetle-black penny loafers clacking on the marble floor, closer, closer.

He stumbled down the steps, darting around the placid people at patio tables, but the courtyard was surrounded on all sides with the grand building, a beautifully arranged cage.

His nurse had gained an ally in the nurse who was pushing the tea cart, and they hurried towards him together. Niamh, facing nowhere to go, splashed into the nearest fountain and scrambled up the tiered pools until he was crouched at the top, soaked from the waist down in freezing, mossy water.

“Get away from me,” Niamh shouted down at them.

“Niamh, please come down of your own volition or we will be forced to remove you,” his nurse called to him.

“Don't we have enough twinks?” an attractive man in a pale blue gown asked loudly, pouring himself another cup of tea. He had one black eye and a split lip. His companion, skin dusted mauve, muttered at him, kicking him under the table.

Niamh was not magic the way the other faeries were. He had only intent, but no real action, and therefore the nurses were not compelled when he said loudly, “Stay away.”

His nurse glared at him. “You will come down or we will have someone take you down.”

“Hey kid, just come down!” another person in a gown called from a table farther away. They had an IV pole connected to their arm and gently curling horns. They were so delicately pretty he couldn't tell if they were a boy or a girl. “You're ruining breakfast. God knows that's the only good thing about this fucking hospice!”

Both nurses spared the person a hard look.

His heart hammered. The walls looked too high to climb, but could he try? “Where am I?”

His nurse, Tint, managed to sound patient when she said, “I told you, Niamh. You are in the Gardens. You need to sign your contract.”

“What's the Gardens?” he called down, fingers digging into the stone. He felt like he was a container filled with liquid, and the liquid was sloshing against the cracking walls. It was only a matter of time before something gave, either his stomach or his consciousness.

Tint put her hands on her hips as the other nurse went to a man in black body armour standing watch by the double doors and started talking to him inaudibly, pointing up at him. The man leaned his head down and talked into a walkie strapped to his chest. “Your new home and place of employment,” she said sternly, as the man began approaching.

“I don't want a job,” he said, but felt like it wasn't employment he was being offered. “I'm in high school.”

“You will be given the opportunity to finish your education here. We rescued you from the streets. By all means, if you would rather live in squalor until someone comes to take advantage of you, we can make arrangements, but first you need to come down here and get out of the fountain.” She glared up at him.

Niamh shook his head. “I would rather leave. I don't want to be here and I won't get out of the fountain.”

She stepped closer to the edge of the fountain, hands on her hips and eyes hard. “We want what is best for you, Niamh. That's why you're here. We know you're a changeling. The choice is always hard, and we are happy that you have decided to live life as you actually are. But Niamh,” her voice gentled when he gripped the wet, mossy artichoke decoration at the top of the fountain tighter. “Where will you go when we drop you off at the bar we found you at, passed out and covered in vomit, danced half to death? You don't know the laws, the culture, the language. Your friends wanted something to drag around, not someone to look after. We will look after you here, I promise.”

Some of the people at the tables were nodding along with her. Others had their eyes glued to the tables in front of them.

“I can look after myself,” he shouted down, throwing handful of algae. “I didn't drink that much!” It was half true. He had paced himself carefully but still couldn't remember the night.

Tint sighed, voice lowering. “Get him down.”

The guard approached the fountain, pulling out some sort of cylindrical tool. Niamh had classmates with allergies, at his high school, and the thing looked like an epi-pen. Somehow, he didn’t think it was wielded to save lives.

“Come on, kid, don't make this hard. Everyone else is just trying to enjoy their breakfasts.” He had a soft accent, something hard to place. Everyone on this side had an accent, though, and it was futile to try and place it. The languages spoken were countless, here, and all unfamiliar.

He clung to the artichoke. If he passed out, maybe he would fall and be too hurt for whatever they wanted of him. “You're the one making it hard.”

“That's what she said!” crowed someone from the tables. There was scattered, half hearted chuckles. People sipped their tea and watched placidly. He watched a scattering of them shake their heads and get up, retreating into the building.

The guard, whose nameplate read Duergar, sloshed into the fountain and waded for the centre. “Get down here before you get hurt,” he said, clambering into the first platform pool.

“No,” he hissed, standing slowly. He teetered on the edge, but there was nowhere higher to climb.

“Sit down!” The nurses both yelled.

“Get down here, you little shit,” Duergar the guard who was not very fast or good at climbing, ground out through his teeth, which were sharp. He climbed, sopping, into the second platform pool. Niamh was almost within his reach.

When Duergar's fingers poked over the edge to pull himself up, Niamh slammed his heel down onto them. Duergar yelped and the crowd down below cheered, clapping. Duergar grabbed his ankle and Niamh swayed. “You're going to get yourself hurt!”

“ You're hurting me,” he snapped, shaking his leg so violently the rest of him tried to topple the other way. He scrambled to hold on to the artichoke. The algae slipped beneath his hands, forcing his nails to bite into the stone beneath.

“I hate changelings,” Duergar muttered, yanking on his ankle. “Sit down before you fall off of this thing and crack open your head.”

Below, people were talking. He heard what is happening? and someone replied the new guy wants to go home. The reply was too quiet to hear, a murmur that felt like pity.

Niamh yanked his ankle back, harder, but he was not strong and this was not something he could run from. He said, half true, “I'll curse you if you don't let go.”

Duergar hesitated. “If you curse me I'll make sure you'll regret it,” he threatened, pulling on his leg.

“Doesn't mean you won't be cursed,” he hissed, panicked as he dug his nails down to avoid being dragged. A second hard yank made him let go. A third made him go careening over the edge only to be caught under one of Duergar's broad arms. He kicked and bit and scratched but was still brought down, landing with a splash into the water. He pushed onto his hands, sputtering.

“Little shit,” Duergar huffed.

Niamh glared up at him. He could see his pores widen into pox, his hair turn to straw. “I hope you rot.”

Duergar knotted fat, meaty fingers in Niamh's hair and shoved him under the water. Niamh struggled against him, panicking, but Duergar was stronger. He tried to pry his gloved fingers from his hair but couldn't.

He held his breath as long as he could, but the guard did not let go. In all his struggling, his mouth opened and water rushed down his throat, mossy and cold. Panic followed the water into his lungs, settling into each delicate bronchiole.

His heart kicked up another impossible notch and he tried to get leverage with his knees. They dug hard into the algae until they scraped, bleeding, on the stone bottom of the fountain and he attempted to heave himself upwards. Duergar's grip did not budge and Niamh was left in the cold, rushing dark, watching bubbles and bits of green float past his eyes

Duergar heaved him up before his blurring vision went black. He clutched at the mossy edge of the pool, the world spinning, and coughed up lungfuls of water until he was gagging, vomiting up bile into the water. Duergar made a disgusted noise.

The spectators were not laughing, anymore, but they didn't look surprised or concerned either.

“Still cursed,” he wheezed, heart pounding, terrified, in his chest.

His hand pulled on his hair and Niamh gasped, fingers tearing at Duergar's,  but Tint shouted “Enough!” before he could shove him under again. “Bring him down. He needs to sign his contract before we can perform a medical examination.”

Niamh tried to step over the side when he was pulled, stumbling instead, skidding across marble through the gown. “I won't sign,” he said again.

But he would sign, and back in the examination room he did sign. He wrote his name – first, middle, last – wherever prompted. Duergar lingered by the door as Tint left, carrying the paper contract with her. A doctor replaced her, a gold robed man following behind him, eyes tattooed on his hands, who stood in the corner and watched.

The doctor peeled off the gown and Niamh let him because there was nothing he could do to stop it. He jabbed and prodded and fondled at his body, took his weight and his height, looked into his mouth and his ears and his eyes. His ribs were painstakingly counted, each joint bent. He did a vision test, a hearing test, and took his blood. At the end of the examination, when his medical form was completed, the gold robed man held his jaw in his hands and stared at him for far too long before nodding and finally leaving, the doctor trailing behind.

Duergar dragged him out of the room and down the hall and into an elevator. It was a complicated series of elevators and stairs and turns until he was being shoved into what looked like a dorm room. Niamh had expected to be left alone, but Duergar came in, too, shutting the door behind him.

His hands went to his belt and Niamh, resisting the same way he had in the fountain, went to the bed.

His first impression was that he was going to be beaten with a belt like some of the parents in his shitty neighborhood had done to their kids, but the belt hit the ground, forgotten. Duergar's fingers unbuttoned his pants, pulling down his zipper, and Niamh curled his knees closer to himself.

[kilibaggins]

How about a Murphy/Bellamy where Bell finds out Murphy self-harms

I Love You, Too

Oh, I'm excited for this one tbh. I feel bad for being excited, but i really am. I love writing my Favorite Characters in pain- whoops.

I hope you like it!

Warning: Self Harm, scars, blood. crying, talk of feeling worthless.

P.s: I love Emori, but I needed some angst and some way for Murphy and Bellamy to be together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Murphy can't tell Bellamy. The last person he told, being Emori, left him telling him he was crazy, and forcing him to leave her. He had stayed in the coldest parts of the Ring, curled into himself hoping that the pain would go away. He wasn't that surprised when she forced him to leave and ended it, nothing good happened to him, and she's right hes probably just crazy anyways. So, that's why he knows he cant tell Bellamy. The older, more mature man, will just yell at him and call him crazy, He'll probably just force him to leave.

About a month later, of barley seeing Murphy (even during most eating times), Bellamy had decided that since nobody else was looking for him, he'd do it himself. He had searched all over the place only to find Murphy curled into a ball on his side, staring out into the great expanded of space, trying to search Earth for any green that could possibly be there, though he knew it wouldn't come anytime soon. He was thinner then, probably from not eating as much as the rest of them, and his breathing picked up when he realized someone was with him. He jumped up and swung at the person who has decided to come into his area, it was like he barley saw who he was actually about to hit. Bellamy calmed him down, and brought him back to his room, promising to take care of the boy.

That was two months ago, now Murphy and Bellamy were in a somewhat stable relationship, though how stable can a relationship really be when it had such a rocky beginning. When one of them still has nightmares about the other letting him get beaten up and hung.

Surprisingly they have a day to relax. They usually don't get this, at least Bellamy never does, but today was wife open for the two of them to stay in their room all day and relax with one another.

Murphy can hear the mechanical hum of the Ring around them. He thought he'd escaped that long ago, but turns out the world had to end again, so once again he was stuck on a huge tin can in the middle of an unforgiving space, a place he cant escape from. Bellamy knows this id a problem for Murphy, that he's always scared that he's stuck somewhere so he always tells the others to just give him some space if he runs off. Emori never used to come after him, just waited until he came back to their room, no matter hoe long he was gone. She never worried about him. Bellamy does, though. He goes searching for Murphy after an hour and usually finds him curled on the cold floor in front of a huge window, just staring out into space, literally.

But he hasn't felt the need to run in a long time. He hasn't had the urge to just stare into the unforgivable vast are around their small Ring. He hasn't needed that. Not until now he thinks. His skin is crawling and he feels stuck. He knows he should just... Be happy being able to be with Bellamy. He knows he should appreciate this while he has it but for the life of him he cant calm himself down.

"Murphy, what's wrong?" Bellamy asks from his spot on his bed. Murphy had been sitting on the floor because he sometimes just lounges around on anything he can, even if it's not meant for sitting, and he was just staring. He thinks life's too short to worry about what I'd, and isn't a chair, so he'll just plop down wherever he wants. Murphy blinks and looks up at the other man.

"Uh... Nothing. I just- I'm gonna go for a little bit." Murphy says grimacing at himself as he stands up. He hates that he can't just accept that they have something good happening for once. Bellamy looks up at him and Murphy hates himself even more when he sees Bellamy's eyes fill with hurt. But Bellamy Hides it almost as quickly as it first appeared.

"Oh, alright..." Bellamy says, his deep voice echoing off the walls of their small room. Murphy nods and walks out of the room, closing the door tightly Behind him. He sighs and shakes his head. He tells himself to just breath, to work through his spike of this worthless feeling, and to back in there and be with his Boyfriend. But he can't do it. He decides that he can just go, take care of his problem, maybe bring his knife out for a bit, a few cuts won't cause any harm, and then just go back and apologize. So that's what he does.

Murphy walks quickly down to his hiding spot, the one only he and Bellamy knoe about, a small little closer at the end of a long hallway. He quickly opens the door, and closes it behind him. He slides against the wall, cramped by the stuff piled in there, the shelf is filled with an assortment of things. He tries to breath through the urges but it doesn't work. He grabs his knife from his boot and brings it to his upper arm. He makes a cut. And another. And another. He never cuts too deep only enough to feel the pain, to see the blood.

He hears footsteps but he knows its just his imagination. Nobody would come after him, not for another hour at least. But then the door opens and his small closest it filled with Light, causing Murphy to grimace. He looks up at the person who opened the door and gulps. Bellamy is standing there, his mouth open in shock and his eyes staring at the knife that is still clutched in Murphy's hand. Murphy sees Bellamy tear up, and God that's the last thing he ever wants.

"Bell-" Murphy starts to say but cuts himself off as Bellamy falls down to his knees next to the younger man. He reaches out and tries to grab the knife in Murphy's hand but Murphy pulls away.

"John. Give me the knife." Bellamy says seriously, using Murphy's first name, hoping it'll get Murphy to know how serious he is. Murphy whimpers and looks at him with slight fear. Bellamy's face softens and he slowly puts his hand on Murphy's knee.

"Please." Bellamy says softly, his eyes swimming with unshed tears. Murphy is shaking and breathing heavily, and he doesn't want to get rid of his knife, its his knife, he shouldn't have to give it up he NEEDS it, it's his and he'll just keep it, thank you very much. But before he knows what's happening his head is nodding and Bellamy is taking the knife from his hand.

"Alright, alright good. Now, I'm going to clean you up alright?" Bellamy says his voice cracking, but he acts strong. He always does. He then turns to the shelf in the small little closest and sees all of the supplies that Murphy had stashed here. He grabs for some alcohol wipes and opens them up, taking out a few, while shaking the whole time.

"Why aren't you yelling at me?" Murphy asks in a small voice looking over at him in fear. Bellamy's heart breaks even further.

"I would never yell at you for something like this. Why would you think that?" Bellamy asks, hes taller than Murphy this way, he's kneeling over him his body is basically towering over him. Bellamy reaches over and slowly dabs at the cuts on Murphy's arm with the Wipes. Murphy hisses and flinches back slightly, and Bellamy shushes him and leans down to kiss his cheek, showing Murphy that its okay.

"I... I don't know." Murphy says, then looks down. He does know why, he just doesn't want to make anyone upset, so he'll stay quiet. Bellamy keeps wiping at the wounds trying to do it as softly as possible.

"Someone else did... Didnt they?" Bellamy asks looking into Murphys eyes. The smaller man nods and then looks down at his lap. Bellamy scoots closer and starts putting a bit more pressure on the wounds while cleaning them. He shakes his head and grabs a bandage from the shelf.

"Emori?" Bellamy asks and he feels Murphy stiffen under his hands, and he slowly runs his hand up and down Murphy's good arm trying to relax him.

"Yeah... Uh... She called me crazy. Started screaming at me about how I'm a selfish bastard and she kicked me out. Thats why you found me. That's why I left." Murphy says, his voice barley above a whisper. Bellamy curses Emori at that second. No matter how close they had all gotten, he couldn't just forgive her for treating the man he loves like that.

"You're not crazy. You're not selfish. You're amazing, John." Bellamy says.

"I'm not amazing. I'm worthless." Murphy says finally letting himself open, and finally letting someone see the pain hes in, "I- all I do is screw up. I dont do anything around here with value, I'm not good at anything, and i know I'd be the most likely to dir if someone had to die for whatever reason. I'm just not good enough." Murphy feels tears slip down his cheeks and Bellamy wipes them away looking into his eyes. Bellamy shakes his head and then leans forward to kiss Murphy. Their lips stay interlocked for a while, neither of them know exactly how long, it's always like this when they kiss. They get lost in eachother. Bellamy pulls away and Murphy makes a distressed noise. The older man chuckles and leans back in kissing Murphy's lips one more time before pulling away and wrapping his arm with the bandages.

"You're not worthless, Sweetheart. You do more than you think you do. You just being here helps me everyday.

I would have felt horrible if you weren't on that ship when we left. You ARE amazing, I don't care what you do or don't do on this ship, you're amazing." Bellamy says continuing to wrap Murphy's hurt arm.

Murphy watches him do it, he watches Bellamy, with his big hands and his incredible strength, hold his arm like hes Something precious. He watches as Bellamy sticks out his tongue in concentration. He watches his eyes light up when the bandage stays where he wanted it to. He watches as his eyes dull back down, probably remembering why he was working with bandaged in the first place.

Bellamy looks up and gives him a soft smile, then raises the freshly bandaged arm and kisses over it. He grabs Murphy's hand and holds it tightly, maybe a bit too Tightly, but honestly Murphy barley even notices how tight it is. Bellamy sighs softly and runs his thumb down Murphy's wrist, which is all healed old scars. He looks down sadly at them.

"I don't know how i never noticed." Bellamy says sadly. Murphy does. He's been hiding it from people for years. The only two people who ever knew about it were Emori, and Abby. Abby had found him one day on the Ark with a few cuts on his wrist and cleaned him up, but she didn't tell anyone. She knew it wouldn't help, since he'd have to pay for more treatment with his rations, which he barley had any of. So, she kept quiet and just told him to come to her if he ever felt like doing it again. He never Did go back to her.

"I always wear my jacket. And when I'm not I make sure it's dark." Murphy says then stares at Bellamy some more, "When we have sex, I always keep the lights off. Not to have Some sort of mood set, but it's so you don't see the damn scars. The scars on my arm, the one son my back and chest, all of them."

"You dont have to hide from me anymore. I love you, and this isn't going to change anything. Well, a few things might change. I'll help you find other things to make it so you don't do this, I'll go WITH you when you have to get space from everyone. I'll be there whenever you feel like doing it, and if you do end up doing it I'll be right there. Right there to clean you up." Bellamy says looking into Murphys eyes.

Murphy feels so lucky. He finally found the person that will love him no matter what. The man who will hold him when times get tough. A man who wont judge him for the things he's done. The man who supports his decisions and will try to help him make better ones without treating him badly. He found a man who'll cry over him. A man that will kill, and die for him. A man who will never yell at him for his self destructive behavior, but instead help him get past it.

"I Love You, Too."

[andthentherewasanightfall]

╭────────────── STARTER

╰─➤ ・*。 @sadisticlifeline​

 There is excitement mixed with uncertainty and anxiety building up inside Jimin chest while he's taking seemingly confident steps towards one specific warehouse in Seoul. He's been out of the loop for quite some time now, not even knowing that the dungeon he used to frequent before was closed down. He would've felt better, more secured to return to the place he knows so well but instead, he had to look for a new one. That's how he found himself opening the door to the OMW, stepping inside of the establishment that many avoid and judge, whilst others love dearly and use it as their safe space to indulge in their fantasies and desires.

The sign-in was simple enough for someone like Jimin, someone who knows the protocol, someone who read the rules of the dungeon he was visiting on their website. He's not impatient to get inside (at least that's what he told himself), already knowing what will wait for him. The girl at the desk is incredibly sweet and welcoming, helping him to relax his nerves a bit after he confessed that it's been a while since his last time at the dungeon. After showing his ID card, Jimin was given the papers that he read thoroughly, always careful, knowing he needed to be before he signed them and once again listened to the rules from the girl. It was for his own safety and safety of the others, he knew that so he didn't mind.

When the entrance fee was paid, he was appointed a Dungeon Monitor to give him a tour around the dungeon, to make him familiar with the place. After the small but informative tour was finished, he found himself walking over to the social area and going straight for the bar, eyes squinting in the concentration as he read the list of the drinks they served. "Can I get a bottle of Cola please?" Jimin's voice was sweet and soft, catching the attention of the guy twice his age or more that stood not so far away from the bar.

Being served the drink of his choice, Jimin paid for it, thanking the bartender as he took the small sip and turned around only to find himself being sandwiched between a man much larger than he was and a bar. "I know what else would go well with it." The man's words were barely above the whisper, making Jimin's stomach turn in disgust as the older male leaned in closer, pressing their bodies together while hands travelled down to his ass, squeezing it hard. "Sweet." He could hear him breathing out, feeling the stench of alcohol coming from his mouth, something that was forbidden on the premises.

Consent. Jimin didn't give him his consent so why was the man up in his personal space and feeling him up in a way that he shouldn't? Jimin's eyes were quick to look around the limited space he could see in a mild panic, being blocked with a large body. Jimin knew he was stronger than the older human towering above him but he also knew that there were rules that he didn't want to break, rules that the man who was now pressing fingers into his skin already broke. "I didn't give you my consent. Please step away and leave me alone to enjoy my evening." Jimin's words towards the man carried the sweet but deadly tone, not wanting to cause problems but needing the creep to get away from him. He couldn't see the Dungeon Monitor to call for and Jimin quickly realised that he was in a secluded position where he wasn't so visible, even less with the man blocking him from the view. Shit.

"You expect me to believe that you want to be left alone while being dressed like this pretty boy? I'll show you the consequences of coming here looking like this and swaying your ass seductively at me." Jimin was... flabbergasted. Unlike the majority in the club, he was underdressed. For the first visit, Jimin went with a safe choice of clothes, all black. Black jeans that clung to his legs, a tight black tank top and black distressed loose knit sweater over it, the long silver necklace accompanied with dangly silver earrings and matching rings. It wasn't anything special, and yet the man was acting as Jimin waltzed in naked with a sign around his neck that said 'ravish me and make me your slut'. And even if he did that, there was once again something important missing, Jimin’s consent.

"I'm not interested. Please step away from me." The vampire tried once again, slapping the man's hand away when the other tried going for his pierced nipple that was hidden underneath the clothes and yet somehow he seemed to notice it. Jimin was patient, trying his best to keep the situation under control, at least until the Monitor noticed that something was off and came to help him. He didn't want to cause a scene, after all, it was his first time at this particular dungeon and while he was hoping to make a impression, this wasn't what he had in mind.

[jammingwithjj]

car’s outside - d.s

(this is inspired by the song “car’s outside” by james arthur, hence the name!)

pairings: drew starkey x female reader

summary: drew had just got back into town after being gone for nearly 6 months. you were lonely, but you understood. it was his job. you guys got into an argument about how he travels so much, and never seems to have time for you.

warnings: swearing, verbal fighting. mentions of alcohol, etc... 

you were sat at home, waiting for something interesting to happen. you knew you were wasting your time. nothing ever happened when drew was gone. he was always in such a good mood, and you were always out doing something, or hanging with friends, or just wasting time. you hated when he left, but you knew he had to. it was his job...

you sat on the couch a while longer when your phone rang, pulling you out of the flashbacks you often found yourself reliving. 

“hello?” you didn’t even look at the caller ID. 

“hey baby.” drew cooed on the other end. 

“hi. drew.” you smiled, finally hearing his voice after a long, boring day.

“everything ok, baby? you sound sad.” he asked you, concerned. he hated when you were sad.

“yeah, fine. just missin’ you. that’s all.” you told him. part of it was true, but you would never admit to him how hurt you were that he seemed so okay with leaving you so often...

“okay... just checking. i actually called to tell you some good news.” he said.

“ok... what is it?!” you practically yelled through the phone.

“i’m at the airport. and i’m comin’ home. for a while this time.” he told you. you stared in disbelief. 

“wait- what? you’re-you’re coming home?” you asked him again.

“mhmm. i should be there in about 4 hours. we’re boarding now.” he said to you.

“okay, baby. ill cya then. i love you. ill see you soon.” you said. as he responded with the infamous “i love you, princess.” 

you got up and tried your best to tidy, but since you hadn’t done much the past couple days, there wasn’t much to tidy, or clean. you knew he wouldn’t care, but you were really just looking for something to distract you. you missed him so much, and couldn’t wait to finally see him. he’d been filming Netflix’s Outer Banks for what seemed like a lifetime. you had been dating nearly 2 years, and then he landed the job for Netflix. you were so incredibly happy for you, but a part of you wanted to hold him back. be selfish for once. now everyone knows his name. he’s not yours anymore... but you could never, and would never actually hold him back from anything that big. 

a couple hours later, you were still finding things to do. cleaning counters, wiping down sidetables in the bedroom, and living room. contemplating whether or not you were going to clean the windows... you never ended up cleaning the windows...

20 minutes pass, and you had migrated to the bedroom, picking out clothing items you didn’t wear anymore, and inevitably shoving them in a bag that would probably just sit in the closet for months, waiting for someone to do something with it. you had picked out some comfy clothes to put on after your shower, and threw them in the dryer so they’d be warm once you were ready to wear them.

right before you got in the shower, your phone rang.

“hey, drew. everything okay?” you picked up the phone, to hear a bunch of chatter. 

“hey, y/n. i just wanted to let you know that i landed. getting my luggage now!” he spoke, cheerfully. 

“oh, ok! i’ll be there to pick you up in about an hour, bub. i love you, cya soon.” you spoke, hanging up the phone.

you quickly got in the shower, dressed yourself, and started to go to the airport to pick drew up. you stopped off to get a coffee on the way, and got home coffee too.

you pulled into the airport, and parked. you went into the airport to see drew standing there, looking like a lost puppy, standing there waiting there for you.

“hi, baby.” he smiles at you, pulling you into a hug.

you breathed out, burying your head in his chest. “missed you.” you said, nuzzling your head the best you could in his shoulder. “you have everything?” you pulled away, looking up at him.

he nodded, grabbing his suitcase and he began to wheel it out to where your car. “i’m so happy to be back. i missed you, and all of the adventures we used to go on.” he smiled, as you guys family reached your car.

you smiled again at his comment, and you both got in the car, eager to get home and fill each other in on all of the goings-on while you were away from each other.

-

about an hour later, you pulled into your driveway.

“baby, wake up.” you rubbed his shoulder, watching as his eyes started to flutter open.

“are we home?” he stretched and looked at you.

you nodded, “yeah, we are! you go inside and lay down, babe. i’ll get your stuff.” you said.

you watched as he walked to the trunk, and got his luggage. “honey, i got it. go in.” you told him.

“i’m all good. i got it.” he says, and wheels his luggage into the apartment.

“ah, home.” he looks around and smiles, dropping his stuff in the bedroom, and going back out into the living room. you followed close behind him, and met in the kitchen.

“so, fill me in. what adventures did you have while you were gone?” you asked him, propping yourself up on the counter.

“i had so much fun, babe. it was definitely a like changing experience. i wish you could’ve been there, seen everything.” he says, fiddling with the string of his hoodie.

“i saw all of the pictures on instagram. it looked like a really fun time. i’m glad you had fun, baby.” you said, pulling him in, and running your fingers through the hair at the naps of his neck, causing a shiver to run through him.

he heard his phone ring, and pulled away from the hug. “hello,” he answered. his face twisted in distress.

“okay, i’ll be there...” he said, hanging up the phone.

“baby...” you looked at him watching him watch you.

“please don’t be mad...” he said, looking down at you

“i won’t be, drew. what’s up?” you asked.

he explained how they needed to reshoot some scenes again, and they wanted to do it before the storm hit, which meant he would have to fly back out early tomorrow morning.

you sat there for a second, looking at his face, and realizing how much you missed it. all you wanted was to wake up next to him, in real life. in person, without all the worry of having a charged phone, or making sure to call them today. you didn’t want to have to worry anymore.

“but- you just left...” you impulsively spoke. he looked at you.

“i know, baby. but it’ll only be for a few weeks. a month maybe. i really wish i could stay, but i have to go... i’m sorry, baby.” he tried to comfort you, but you were sick of it. all of it. you weren’t mad at him, but you just couldn’t stand to be away from him anymore.

you sigh, “it’s just that, you’re always leaving, and- i-i’m tired of not being where you are. i just wanna be with you. i’m tired of loving from thousands of miles away.” you admitted, fiddling with your thumbs.

“y’know what? screw it. screw it all. i’m sick of leaving. i don’t wanna leave you anymore. go pack. we leave at 5. you’re coming with me this time. and every time after that. i- i finally realized that i can’t live without you. you’re my world, a-and...” he trailed off. “i just love you so much...” he finally got out, and followed you to the bedroom to help you pack.

(a/n): hi guys :) i hope you enjoyed my first post on this account! this was a little rushed, but i should be posting more content later this week! love u all, u rock ♥️

[ghostking-wenning]

Radishes, Chapter 3

This chapter took me like a week to write... and the day I finished it, I wrote all of chapter 4 at once! I hope I’ve been doing a decent job portraying a character with a stutter, and I hope that I’ve been more or less tonally consistent... Let me know! Enjoy 💕👻

2200 words, rated G, NingXian, modern au, first date, et cetera

Qionglin glanced at his phone, yet again. The last time they’d met, Wuxian had slipped him a little note with his number on it, signed with a little “x”. For two days, he’d agonized over what to say; usually the only person he texted was Qing. He drafted more than a dozen messages, each time panicking and closing the app. Eloquent as ever, he finally opted for “Hi, it’s Qionglin.” He paced back and forth in his bedroom, waiting anxiously for a response. Did I wait too long? Maybe he thought I didn’t want to talk to him. What if I already blew it? I should’ve said something else... He caught sight of his face in the mirror: his cheeks were flushed and his brows were drawn so tight he was giving himself a headache. 

“Relax,” he told his reflection sternly. He took a deep breath and sighed, sinking into his desk chair. “I’m being ridiculous. It’s just a text message. Worst case scenario is he doesn’t answer.” Sometimes it helped to remind himself that things were rarely as dire as they felt. “Most likely, he’ll answer. He wouldn’t have given me his number otherwise, right?” He reasoned to the empty air. “Best case scenario…” He pondered a moment. What was the best thing that could happen? What did he want to happen? Shaking his head, he decided it was best not to hope for too much. 

He spun in his chair a few times, trying to fill the waiting. It was too early to make dinner, but too late to do much else. With little else to distract him from staring restlessly at his phone, he flicked on the TV and channel-surfed for a while. Eventually he dozed off, still sitting at his desk. A loud buzz jolted him awake. 

“Oh god,” he gasped, clapping a hand over his heart. He snatched up his phone. 1 New Message. 

“Oh god,” he said again.

A crimson-colored chat bubble read: “Hey you! :)”

Qionglin’s heart did a somersault. Logically, he knew it was absurd to get so worked up over a text message, but something about Wuxian made him feel pretty absurd. Though they’d only met a few times, Qionglin caught himself idly (and frequently) thinking about the way Wuxian’s hair swayed when he walked, or how his eyes sparkled when he cracked a joke. He’d been avoiding putting a name to this feeling, but it was starting to look like a full-blown, schoolgirl-style crush -- his first ever. He could feel the blush blooming on his cheeks. Who knew it’d be so embarrassing to have a crush?

His phone buzzed again.

“What are you doing on Friday?” 

If his heart was somersaulting before, it was doing a full acrobatics show now. Calm down, don’t overthink it… don’t get ahead of yourself… just answer the question.

“Just working. Why?” After a moment, he added a smiley face. That’s how normal people talk, right? He hit send before he could somehow fuck it up.

The three little dots appeared at the bottom of the window as Wuxian typed. Qionglin watched with bated breath as it disappeared and reappeared a couple of times. Maybe Wuxian was as nervous as he was? The thought was vaguely gratifying, however unlikely. 

Another red bubble appeared: “Wanna come to my show? I’ll give you the VIP tour ;)”

A wink! Surely that had to be a good sign!

“I’d love to!” Qionglin typed, then erased. Too strong. Be casual. He tried again. “Yeah, that’d be great!” 

“Awesome! Doors at 8, I’ll let them know you’re coming. Can’t wait!” Wuxian said, followed by a map link.

Qionglin realized he was grinning like an idiot, and he didn’t care. “I look forward to it! See you Friday!!” 

The next couple of days seemed to drag by. It wasn’t that often Qionglin had something so exciting to look forward to. He powered through his chores and farmwork, and all his downtime was spent restlessly thinking about Friday. 

Friday afternoon, he wrapped up early. He took a long, refreshing shower and pulled his hair back the way Wuxian seemed to like so much. Arms crossed, he stood in front of the wardrobe, tsk-ing softly at the rows of coarse fabrics in greens, greys, blacks and browns. Almost all of his clothes were work clothes, faded and worn; hardly rock-concert-worthy. He fished out his least-shabby pair of jeans, and a sage-colored button-down. Fashion was definitely not one of his strong suits, but as he checked his reflection, he thought he looked… decent, at least.

He drove into the city, buzzing with excitement the whole way. The radio wasn’t even on, but he was humming a cheerful tune and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Before he knew it, he was scouting out a parking spot a few blocks from the venue, an old nightclub called Devil’s Den. If Wuxian’s band was playing there, Qionglin figured it must be the coolest place in town. 

Checking his watch, he saw he was more than an hour early. He wasn’t familiar with this part of town, so he strolled around until he found somewhere he could hang around for a while. Halfway up the street was a charming little cafe that boasted “Best Milk Tea In Town!” on the banner over the door. It seemed as good a place as any to kill an hour. 

As it turned out, the milk tea was great! Not that Qionglin had much of a reference point. He really only came to the city for the farmer’s market, or to visit Qing. Had he ever come out here just for fun? He’d certainly never been invited out just for fun before now, which probably should have been a distressing realization. In any case, he was here now, and he was determined to have a great night. 

8 o’clock drew nearer and he began to feel antsy. According to the map, Devil’s Den wasn’t far, but he didn’t want to be late, so he set out with a few extra minutes to spare. The sun was beginning to set behind him as he arrived, casting long shadows over the door that were quite apropos for a place with such a macabre name. From the outside, it really didn’t look like much. The windows were shuttered and painted black, and over the door was a small, plain sign bearing its name. Qionglin was almost a little disappointed, but maybe the inside would be more fun.

There were a few other people already milling about outside, so Qionglin joined them and tried to look like he belonged there. After a bit, a large, scowling man with a shaved head and a nose ring came out of the club and stood beside the door, propping it open. A black T-shirt printed with the word “SECURITY” stretched taut over his burly shoulders and chest. He held a clipboard in his hand.

“Y’all here for the show? Get in line.” The security guard said curtly. “Doors in five.”

Qionglin and the small crowd of strangers lined up and waited for the guard to wave them in.

“ID?” He said, when Qionglin reached him.

“Huh? Oh! Right…” Qionglin pulled out his wallet and fumbled for his driver’s license. “H-here…”

“Wen Qionglin…” The guard read, scanning his clipboard. “VIP, eh? Don’t look like one, heh. Here ya go, kid. Yer ticket’s been paid.” He handed Qionglin a ticket printed on heavy cardstock, with red lettering. “Go inside and turn left.” He waved Qionglin away.

“Um, thanks,” Qionglin mumbled as he walked in. After his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, he noticed the decor; the floors were dark, polished wood, thick velvet curtains lined the windows, and a few antique Western-style chairs and ottomans stood around the foyer. Band posters and photos in old silver frames covered the walls. A pair of ornate double-doors stood at the end of the short hall, above them the word “Welcome” was written in curly script. To his left, a smaller, simpler door was labelled “Authorized Access Only”. He glanced around a little awkwardly. Was he authorized? Is that what the big red ticket was for?

Suddenly the door squeaked and swung open. Qionglin made a little startled noise and stepped back, already preparing to apologize, though he wasn’t sure what for. In the doorframe, however, stood Wei Wuxian himself, smiling brightly and dressed to kill. 

“You’re here!” He said, delighted. He reached out and grabbed Qionglin’s hand, pulling him through the door. “I’m so glad you made it!”

Qionglin was still staring. Wuxian looked amazing. His hair was pulled into a high ponytail, the colored streak peeking through the underside. He wore black jeans, fashionably torn at the knees and up the thighs, revealing fishnet tights underneath. Under his studded leather jacket, his shirt was cherry-red, sleeveless, and cropped, showing off his bare midriff. Qionglin was trying to be subtle, but he could tell he was already blushing. Oh my god.

“Wow,” he said softly. 

“What?” Wuxian asked coyly. “Do I look that good? Did I leave you speechless?” The twinkle in his eye was devilish. 

Qionglin could only nod, his cheeks blazing even hotter. How does he do that? How can he just say stuff like that without a hint of embarrassment? He wondered. 

Wuxian laughed coquettishly. “Why, thank you, you’re the sweetest. You look great too,” he added with a wink.

“I-- what? H-hardly… I, uh, don’t know much about … fashion or whatever,” Qionglin floundered. He stared down at his shoes. “You look incredible, though…” 

Wuxian giggled again, the sound refreshing as birdsong. “I do my best,” he said, feigning modesty. “Anyway, lemme give you the tour before I have to go backstage!” He took Qionglin’s hand again and pulled him along. Qionglin tried to focus on the “tour” -- really it was just a short walk through the halls to the greenroom-- but he was distracted by the heat of Wuxian’s hand in his.

“... and these are my bandmates! We’ve been playing together for like, ever.” Letting go of Qionglin’s hand, he gestured to three other people dressed like him, tuning instruments and doing warmups. “Guys, this is my friend, Qionglin.” There was the briefest pause before he said the word “friend”. Qionglin thought he must’ve imagined it.

Qionglin waved shyly. “Nice to meet you…” He was answered with a chorus of “hey”s and “what’s up”s. They didn’t pay him much more mind.

“So that’s the tour!” Wuxian concluded. “We have just a couple minutes before showtime. Let me show you to your seat.” He led Qionglin into the main part of the club, a sprawling room with a long carved bar, dozens of tables and booths, a gleaming dancefloor, and a stage set into the center of the back wall. It was much bigger than Qionglin expected, and more crowded. Wuxian steered him to a table with a direct view of the stage. “Best seat in the house,” he said, pulling the chair out. 

“Thank you,” Qionglin said as he sat. “I’m really excited. This is my first concert, you know?” 

“Oh right!” Wuxian said. “You might want these, then.” He pulled a pair of spongy ear-plugs from his pocket. “The speakers are pretty intense. Don’t worry, you’ll hear us just fine.” 

“Oh, um, got it. Thanks!” Qionglin fiddled with them a little.

“Alright, I have to go now. I’m gonna sing my heart out, just for you, okay? So you better pay attention!” He declared. He spun on his heel, his ponytail swishing as he walked away.

“Just for me…?” Qionglin whispered, watching Wuxian until he disappeared behind a heavy curtain. He swallowed heavily, his mouth suddenly dry. A server spotted him and strolled leisurely over with a carafe of water, like she’d read his mind. 

“Can I get you anything else, hun?” She asked affably. The neckline of her shirt was low, showing off tattoos of bursting fireworks across her collarbones. A pendant in the shape of a bullet drew the eye directly to her cleavage; Qionglin resolutely looked her in the eye. Her eyeliner was sharp and her lipstick was dark, but she wore a friendly smile. 

“Oh, um, I’m fine, thank you, Miss.” He answered. “Um-- your tattoos are nice.”

She laughed raspily. “Thanks! It’s a reference to an old nickname. This your first time here?” She cocked a well-groomed eyebrow.

“Yes…? H-how could you tell?” 

“The clothes, mostly. Most folks in here wear all black, and crosses and skulls or whatever. Kinda nice to see a little color. Anyway, enjoy the show! These punks are a lotta fun.” She waved over her shoulder as she walked away, heels clacking against the floorboards.

Qionglin watched the empty stage for a while. The curtains parted somewhat and a lady in a strappy dress stepped out. She adjusted the microphone, and leaned in. 

“Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the Devil’s Den,” she drawled. “Tonight we have a great lineup of local bands, starting with some of our favorite familiar faces. Let’s give it up for…” She paused for dramatic effect. “The Whatevers!”

Qionglin blinked, confused, but he clapped along with the rest of the cheering crowd. The curtains whooshed open, revealing Wuxian and his band. Qionglin clapped harder and waved a little. I thought they’d have a cooler name… He chuckled quietly.

The Whatevers launched right into a song. A driving guitar melody led into Wuxian’s gorgeous singing. Qionglin’s breath caught in his throat. The spotlight shone down on Wuxian, and everything else faded away. Enraptured, Qionglin stared, listening intently. The lyrics were about new beginnings and taking chances, and Qionglin swore Wuxian was looking directly at him the whole time.

[myheroaizawashota]

[Oooh maybe a little life or Death moment. Maybe a villain attack the renders the reader very badly injured and while they’re sitting there unconscious he confesses his everything!!! This is incredibly doable! Thanks for the ask! I’m sorry this took so long to get done!! I apologize to much hahaha hopefully this lives up your expectations!!! @kweelmusic ]

Emotions were a complex and unnecessary distraction. From observation of others in the field, the pro erasure hero knew that clouding your judgment with things as trivial as feelings only ended disastrously. While it wasn’t frequent that he’d let his emotions take the best of him, when it came to certain people he just couldn’t help himself. Certain people like you. While the uncouth hero acted bothered by your presence, deep down he really did enjoy your company. Despite his constant griping about your over enthusiastic attitude and ditzy behavior, the brutal U.A educator harbored strong feelings of admiration and love for you. Everything about you drove him wild. The way you smiled, the way you laughed at all of Present Mics unbelievably dense jokes. Even the way you cared so much about everyone, including himself, regardless of how nasty they treated you.

He could be so rude to you some days, and when he was he’d regret it the moment you walked away. He didn’t understand why he acted so poorly towards you when you meant so much to him, yet here he was. Undoubtedly an asshole every time you came around. It was embarrassing to say the least. Hes never let his emotions run rapid the way they way they do when he sees you, but against his better judgements he couldn’t control it.

Huffing as he shuffled through the university halls, the ever brooding 1-A teacher made his way towards his class room. His hands balled into fist as he shoved them half heartedly in his pockets eyes casting to the floor. Anyone who wasn’t used to the sight would all but bet something was wrong with the man, but this was just typical Aizawa behavior. His closed off body language was enough to deter most from his pathway, but regardless of how aggravated the man looked you always still went out of your way to say hello to him. Smiling you gave a wave of your hand, finger tips wiggling as you made your way closer “hey Aizawa, are you going to eat lunch in your class room? Don’t you get lonely in there? You should join me and Mic in the break room! We’d really enjo-“

“No. I don’t want to join you and and Mic in the break room. Believe it or not, I enjoy the quite of my classroom with no one screaming or laughing or constant chatter in my ear as I’m trying to take advantage of the very little spare time I have in my life.” Aizawa all but growled blowing his way past you, his lips pulled into a scowl as he hurried faster down his path.

You didn’t understand him sometimes, while it hurt your feelings the other acted so cruel towards you, you still couldn’t help the desire you had to be around him. Maybe you were sadistic and liked the punishment of his cruel tone, or maybe you just couldn’t help who your heart loved. He was cold, uncaring, emotionally vacant, but yet you saw his face, those eyes, that jaw...and you weren’t able to hold yourself back. You came after him like a moth to a light, despite you’re knowledge of his combative behavior. Looking down rather defeated, you tucked your hands towards your chest, stomach dropping as the ever present smile of yours faded from your lips. “Okay...well enjoy you’re break then Aizawa..I-If you change your mind you know where to find us.”

Half heartedly expecting an answer, you couldn’t help but feel just the slightest bit broken when all your offer was met with was the slam of a classroom door. You knew you should get over this crush you had on the aloof pro, but you couldn’t shake the feelings he left you with.

Dragging in a long breath, Aizawa let his back rest against the door of his room, he closing his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose releasing that breath with a loud sigh. “Why did i just say that? What is wrong with you Shouta.”

His hands moved to roam across his face, palms rubbing and scrubbing the scruff of his cheeks as he tried to regain some ounce of composure. Feelings were such a nuisance, and to his dismay, these feelings were uncontrollable. Letting one hand fall, the other moved to run through the bangs that fell into his face, he scoopin them back and out of his eyes as he dropped his body in his desk chair. Next time he’d do better, try harder, go beyond plus ultra in his attempts to control his irrational behavior every time he saw you. He had to. He couldn’t continue to act disinterested for the rest of your lives, while it wasn’t a hard front to pull off for him, he didn’t like the way your smile vanished when he’d act this way. Was it in his best interest maybe to go apologize? Meet you and Mic for lunch after all? No. That sounded ridiculous and like far to much effort. Groaning in frustration, he tucked his arms tightly across his chest. He felt so immature, childish to be keeping crushes, and bullying the girl he liked as if he was still in grade school. Ridiculous. He was 31 not 13, who in their correct mind would think-

His thoughts paused as alarms began to frantically wail, the building trembling as bits of debris began to snow down onto the black shoulders of his shirt. What in the hell was this about? Another shake, followed by a few shrieks and screams, the sound of stampeding foots steps soon taking over the hall way as the loud speaker clicked on. “Students, please remain calm! It appears we’ve had a security breach! In a calm orderly fashion, make your way to the the closest class rooms, under protections of our pro heros. If you confront the intruders, please do not fight them! We are unsure who our intruder is or what his motives are, but we can only assume the worst of the situation.”

Aizawa throat began to clench, as he listened further to the principals speech, opening his door in an attempt to find his students. He knew class 1-A held a target on top their heads, so the faster he could gather his children the better. Wandering into the sea of students, Aizawa worked to shuffle through the crowd head turning when he heard a huge thunder of commotion, head turning towards the noise. The instant his ears picked up on the sound of your voice, his feet had already shifted gears, his body running down the halls towards the sound of distress. You were strong, incredibly strong, he was confident you’d be fine, but he felt the compulsion to make sure that was the case. He needed you to be fine.

With his heart thumping in his ear he whipped his body around the corner, fists balling when his eyes found your body pinned under the boot of a villain. The intruders eyes boiled to the brim with malicious intent and pure evil, his tongue licking across his lips as his fingers roughly yanked your head up by the hair. “Look at me you hero! Your so proud to call yourself that, but you will never stop me. Pathetic and unworthy of being called such a name! Tell me where he is, and I won’t slaughter every student in this building!”

Struggling against the others hold, tears pricked in the corners of your eyes as you did your best to break the hold of your opposing force. “Id never tell you where he is and i won’t let you hurt my students! Go to hell!” With the last remainder of your strength you pushed your body up off the floor, moving to activate your quirk, only to be immediately flung by the others brute strength and over powered quirk. Your body rag dolled before rolling to the edge of Aizawas feet, his heart stopping as you laid your body curling in on itself rivers of blood draining down the edges of your face. Those beautiful eyes of yours closed, leaving your body seemingly lifeless.

It broke his heart to see you this way, and while he didn’t have the strength to admit it to you, he loved you. His stomach boiled with rage as his naturally dark irises began to spark red, hair flairing as he made eye contact with your assailant. Emotions were dangerous to involve in battle, but Aizawa couldn’t help himself. While he himself was the worlds biggest ass to you, he’d be damned if anyone would ever lay a hand on you. Quickly deploying his quirk, the erasure pro was able to handle the villain with no problems, quickly restraining him while waiting for authorities to arrive. “I’m not sure who you were looking for or what you thought you were going to do, but let’s get something straight. You ever put a hand on her again, and I’ll do more than just bind you.” The terror in his eyes was chilling to see.

The situation was quickly dealt with the motives of the villain attack deciphered and the school back in a state of safety. It seemed to be you were the only one injured. You’d taken the fight in order to protect a group of weaker quirkless students in the general studies classes. That was very much like you. When the students had told the pro what you did, Aizawa couldn’t help the way the edges of his mouth struggled to force their way up. You were pretty amazing.

With the school returning to a sense of stability, the students being returned home to their families for the rest of the day, the 1-A teacher decided to pay you a visit. He was the one who carried you to recovery girl, and he was the one who showed the most concern for your condition. While he was not the only one concerned for you, he was definitely the most concerned. It was odd, no one had ever seen so many emotions out of the man. They all assumed his only moods were tired and grouchy. Drawing a deep breath in, he opened the door to Recovery Girls office. “She’s not awake yet Aizawa. I told you she will need time! While my quirk can heal the trauma, it’s up to the energy her body can produce to decide how long it takes to recooperate” she hummed shuffling her way over towards the towering gentleman. “It’s against policy for me to allow anyone who’s not family to see her right now....but seeing as to how concerned you seem to be, I’ll give you 5 minutes.” She sighed allowing the other access to you.

Relief cloaked over his body, he slowly making his way towards yours. You looked so calm, though his chest surged at the sight of you with all these bandages all over. “I wish you were awake right now....i hate to admit it...but i miss that idiotic smile of yours...” he sighed, moving to brush the hair that hung in your face back. “I don’t know how to say any of the things i should when you’re listening, so maybe saying them while you’re not will be easier.” You held your breath, truthfully you’d woken up a few minutes ago, but the lights in recovery girls office were just too bright so you had to close your eyes a bit more. You wondered if you should tell him you’re awake...but you we’re desperate to know what he had to say. “I’m not good with feelings, and I’m not good at saying things the right way. So here it is, I’ll just be blunt. I like you. A lot. Actually I love you. And I don’t know why I act so asinine when I see you, and I don’t know why I push you away the way I do....but...I’m sorry. When i saw you laying there after the attack, i felt sick to my stomach think I’d never see you smile again. Hm...speaking of your annoying smile, you’d be happy to know all the students are fine.”

Your heart clenched in your chest, eyes fluttering open with the treat of tears as you looked up at him. “Did you really mean all that?”

Stepping back, aizawas own chest began to grow tight, frustration and anger spilling all over his features “you were awake? Why didn’t you tell me.”

You flinched at the venom in his tone, eyes casting away from his gaze. “I woke up a few minutes ago. I didn’t have time to tell you. You just started talking I didn’t want to interrupt you.” You whispered looking up at him “are the kids really all okay? Did anyone besides me get hurt?”

Amazed, aizawa let his anger drop. You were still so caring, even though you were laid up in recovery girls office by no means okay yourself. Sighing aizawa let his hands rub at the back of his neck, “yeah....they’re okay...”

There was a thick silence between the two of you for a minute before aizawa broke it, clearing his throat “how much of what I said did you hear?”

“I love you too..” you blurred out eyes glancing back up at his once more, your lips pulling into a gentle smile.

The ever so stoned faced teacher, couldn’t fight the warmth that spread across his cheeks, the cool grey tone of his skin vibrant with reds and pinks. “I guess I don’t have to repeat any of what I said then huh.” You just chuckled, hand reaching up to cup his cheek, your body cringing as pain settled in to your bones. The aim of your affections cringed at your pain, but still leaned into your palm, his chest a flutter. “Can I ask you something?”

Your eyes were soft as you gave a gentle nod of your head to encourage his question. Gently turning his face he let his lips rest lightly against your palm as he murmured softly “come out for coffee with me? “

You couldn’t help the blush that appear on your own face now, you giving him a smile “coffee it is. But you have to pay” you laughed joking obviously

He just gave a soft huff, lips turning up st the sides “I can agree to those terms...” Who would have thought Shouta Aizawa would have a date. It would be interesting but you couldn’t wait. You hoped for many more.

[elleberquist6]

Play Upon Me Like This Piano - chapter forty-one

Summary: In many ways, Phil’s life is perfect: he loves his life in London, he has a wonderful brother and parents, and he has a great job as a radio DJ for BBC Radio One. There’s only one thing missing in his life… A rumor reaches an executive at the BBC about a talented local piano player named Daniel. The executive decides that Daniel would be the perfect guest on Phil’s radio show, so she sends Phil to speak with the evasive and mysterious piano player.

When they finally meet, Phil starts to think that he has found the person who will make his life complete. Unfortunately, Dan has a secret that will make getting close to him difficult.

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2165

Warnings: Smut

—

Siren Fact: 1842: Phineas Barnum, of Barnum and Brothers fame, got connected with what was said to be a mermaid who had been caught near the Feejee Islands in the South Pacific. In a portion of an autobiography written by Barnum, published by the Department of History and Art History at George Mason University, Barnum says that he obtained the specimen from the estate of a dead sailor, who had purchased it from Japanese sailors. Barnum recounts going to his naturalist to ascertain the “genuineness of the animal.”

Writes Barnum: “Then why do you suppose it is manufactured?” I inquired.

“Because I don’t believe in mermaids,” replied the naturalist.

“That is no reason at all,” said I, “and therefore I’ll believe in the mermaid, and hire it.” [https://www.theepochtimes.com/mermaid-hoax-columbus-shakespeare-and-pliny-the-elder-say-mermaids-are-real_82540.html/]

For the longest time after Dan fell asleep, Phil just laid beside him in bed with his eyes wide open. He wasn’t exactly sure what made him do that – perhaps it was several things. Fear that Dan would vanish if he closed his eyes, despite Dan’s assurance that he wasn’t going anywhere. Fear that this day had all been a dream and that in reality they had never reconciled. And more than anything, Phil wanted to drink in every feature of Dan’s face, fixing each freckle in his memory. He always wanted to see this face.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed on the nightstand, making Dan twitch in his sleep. As quietly as he could, Phil lunged for his phone to silence it before it could wake Dan. Seeing Dan’s breathing even once more, Phil sighed in relief and rolled on his back as he checked his phone to see who had called. Just as he glanced at his phone, it pinged to tell him that the caller had left a message. Curious, he pressed ‘play’ before even looking at the caller ID to see who had left a message.

“Phil, it’s me.” Gina’s voice drifted from the speaker of his phone, making him suck in a surprised breath. “I, um… I’m sorry, but I just had to call. There’s something I have to confess. Not long ago, I figured out you were seeing Daniel Howell. I asked him to work for the BBC, and when he refused I forced him to do the music festival by threatening him. I told him I would fire you if he didn’t.”

There was the sound of her taking a shuddering breath. “I really am sorry. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I don’t know why I would do something like that. It just… it seemed important at the time, but in retrospect, after watching Howell perform today, I don’t know why I did that. It doesn’t seem like me, and I’ve always thought of you as a friend. How could I threaten you? Phil, I am so sorry. I’m telling you this because I owe you the truth, and perhaps this will help to heal your relationship in case my actions damaged it in any way. I know that what I have done was unforgivable, and I understand that you will never be able to trust me as a friend again; however, I promise to behave professionally at work, and I hope that seeing me there will not cause you too much distress. I am truly sorry. Goodbye, Phil.”

Phil exhaled and dropped his phone on the bed beside him. He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind – his brain felt fuzzy with muddled thoughts and fleeting emotions. Gina’s betrayal still stung, despite her apology, and he was unsure how he was going to face her at work.

“Phil?” Dan spoke softly, but still startled Phil who dropped his phone in surprise. His mahogany eyes were deep and filled with sorrow as he said, “It’s not her fault.”

“What?” His mind was racing, as he glanced at the phone lying on the bed between them, he made the leap of logic, “You overheard the message I was listening to?”

Dan nodded. “I hope you don’t blame her too much.”

“Of course I do. She used me to force you into something you didn’t want to do. I don’t care that she threatened my job – I’m not even sure if I want it anymore now. How can I go to work and look her in the face, knowing what she did to you?”

“Phil, tell me you don’t still love your job. You can’t, can you? Because I know you do, and so I’m not going to let you give it up.” Dan took a deep breath, pausing to let Phil comment, but Phil’s thoughts were reeling, and he stayed silent.

What Dan had said was true – he did love his work. That fact distracted him for a moment. He’d thought of himself as someone who lived without love for a long time, but that had never been true. He had the love of his family and friend, and he also had the love of his work. Now he had Dan’s love too, and it was the best feeling ever. He felt so very protective of this budding spark of new love, as if he were a man kindling a fire and he has to shield the crackling sparks of it from a breeze that might blow it out. Phil felt incredibly protective of his relationship, and a desire to lash out at anything that threatened it. That included Gina.

Seeming to understand, Dan smiled reassuringly and said, “Phil, I’m fine. What happened today was fine. I’m actually glad it went down like that.”

Phil blinked. “Wait, what? You are?”

“I am.” Dan beamed at him. “If your boss hadn’t forced me into it, I might never have gotten on the stage like that and sung as myself. I now know what I am capable of, and I’m so excited about the future because of it.”

Phil put a hand on Dan’s cheek, over his dimple as he cupped it. “That’s because you’re wonderful and talented, and you found the strength hidden inside yourself. You shouldn’t have been forced into that position by Gina, and I can’t help hating what she did to you. Perhaps I can go back to work, but I’m not going to be grateful for what she did and I’m never going to forgive her.”

Dan frowned, his mirth disappearing beneath Phil’s fingertips. “She used to be your friend, right? Gina was your friend, and I’ve cost you a friend.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“It was!” Dan shook off Phil’s hand and sat up in bed. He pulled his knees up to his chest and pinned Phil under an intent gaze, as if to be sure he was listening. “Phil, I hypnotized your boss. She heard my siren voice and reacted badly to it. You heard that message. She wasn’t herself. My siren voice twisted her mind and brought out that side of her.”

Phil also sat up in bed and shook his head. “I don’t think so. So many people have heard you sing. Why would Gina be different?”

“This happens sometimes with driven, obsessive, or unbalanced people. Remember the man who tried to kidnap me? The music brings out a bad side in people sometimes.”

Phil bit his bottom lip. Driven and obsessive? He’d thought of her in that way before, but she had always channeled those qualities into her work for the BBC, and she had done good things with that side of her. Unbalanced? He preferred to think of Gina as quirky, or he had until what she had done to Dan.

“It was my fault…”

The words brought Phil’s eyes back to his face.

Dan swallowed heavily. “I’m sorry, I really am. I bring out the worst in some people, and it’s my fault that this happened to Gina. Please don’t blame her.”

Belatedly, Phil remembered Dan saying this once before after he had nearly been kidnapped. He had felt it was his own fault that his kidnapper had hurt him. Phil reached for Dan’s hand and squeezed it. He asked, “You want me to forgive Gina?”

Dan nodded and returned the squeeze.

“Okay, I’ll try – and it will take time, but I promise I will try.” As Dan heaved a sigh of relief, Phil continued, “But you need to promise me something in return.”

Dan blinked. “Anything. But what is it?”

“You need to forgive yourself. For Gina. For the man who hurt you in the alley. And for any other guilt you might be carrying around. And if this ever happens again when you sing, you have to forgive yourself for that, too. None of this is your fault, Dan.”

Dan bit his lip as he thought. After a moment, he asked, “And do you forgive me? For what I did when I sang to you?”

“Always,” Phil said, and then he leaned in to kiss Dan’s cheek.

The next morning, Phil crept carefully into the bedroom, happy to see that the noise he’d made in the kitchen hadn’t roused Dan from his sleep. Stopping at the side of the bed, he gave Dan’s shoulder a gentle shake. “Wake up, Love. Breakfast is getting cold.”

Dan sighed, murmured something soft under his breath, and blinked sleepily up at Phil. With his curls tousled by sleep and his cheeks rosy with a soft flush, Dan was so lovely that it made Phil’s heart squeeze in his chest, just looking at him. Dan asked, “Breakfast?”

“Yes, I cooked.”

Dan sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Mmmh, sounds nice. I’ll join you in the kitchen in a second. Let me just stop in the bathroom real quick.”

“Okay.” Phil stepped to the side to give Dan room to climb out of bed. Seeing the way that Dan was already hastily finger combing his hair, he laughed and said, “Don’t spend too much time fussing with your hair in the bathroom. You already look pretty to me.”

Dan pouted, but dropped his hand from his hair as he disappeared through the door to the bathroom. The sound of running water came from the room a moment later.

With a smile that wouldn’t leave his face, Phil returned to the kitchen, where he carried the serving platter of freshly-made pancakes from the stove and placed them on the kitchen table. Next, he turned his attention to coffee. He had already placed two empty mugs on the countertop beside a canister of instant coffee. He filled the mugs with water and placed them in the microwave.

“Coffee…”

Phil turned at the sound of Dan’s voice, seeing him in the doorway of the kitchen. He responded, “Should be ready in a moment.”

Dan smiled. “I was just thinking about how things come full circle.”

“Oh?” Phil glanced at the pair of mugs rotating slowly on the turntable in the microwave.

“Yes. Coffee…” Dan bit his bottom lip and seemed to organize his thoughts as he sat at the kitchen table. “I was thinking about that first night when I invited you up to my apartment and made you coffee. That was the start of us.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “You’re right. It was.”

Dan laughed and came closer. He picked up the canister of instant coffee. “I remember you told me you had the same kind of coffee as me at home – I thought you were just being polite to save me some embarrassment since I only had instant.”

Phil shook his head with a smile. Then the microwave beeped and Phil moved to take the mugs out and place them on the counter. As he did, Dan stepped even closer with a spoon he retrieved from a drawer in hand. It felt like they were in sync, able to work together effortlessly without uttering a word, and a moment later they were watching coffee crystals dissolve into their drinks. Dan carried his mug to the table, and Phil joined him.

As he took a sip of steaming coffee, he stared over the rim of the mug at Dan. He couldn’t suppress his smile, or what he was thinking. Phil placed his mug on the table, and said, “This reminds me of when I realized I loved you.”

Dan smiled. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you the last time you mentioned that. It is nice to hear you say that that of course… if you’re sure that it isn’t ruined by what you now know about that morning.”

“Not at all,” Phil reassured him. “Like I said, falling in love with you has been the most magical experience of my life, and it doesn’t matter to me anymore how that started. All that matters to me now is that I know I know my feelings for you are real. I’m able to look back on our time together, and none of that other stuff matters. I just feel happy.”

“I feel happy, too,” Dan whispered, gaze dropping shyly to the plate of pancakes.