#and if my doctors think a medicine is responsible they try to taper me off of them

[yay-depression]

my dad just sent me an article on the like over-prescription of psychotropic medicine and i’m gonna fucking scream, maybe at him, we’ll see

[fluffy-lee-boa]

Arkham’s Sweetheart and the Grumpy Riddle Bug

a batman rogue ticklefic uwu

A/N: hey everyone!!! this took me a bit, but it kinda got away from me and turned into a little story of its own haha. i wrote this with the animated universe in mind, but honestly i think it’ll work with a few.

anyways, this was a request! lee!edward getting ganged up on by ler!harley and ler!pamela. hope you like it!!!

It was rare that anyone in Arkham would be such a ray of sunshine, being the drab and dank place that it is, but Harley Quinn was definitely the exception. Despite her treatment at the hands of guards, her clown of an ex, and the bat alike, she was always surprisingly upbeat as she passed through the halls of the facility, hands cuffed behind her back.

Her cheery attitude didn’t exactly mesh with her fellow rogues, though none of them were immune to her disarming charms. This meant that the room full of murderers and scoundrels all took pause when she entered, giving her soft smiles or begrudging greetings as she went ahead to settle into the rec room.

Well, all but one person.

Edward Nashton, or Nygma, as he had legally changed it to, was not exactly chipper on this stormy day- not that he was ever “chipper.” It’s just that today he seemed more put off than usual, based on the way he was stewing in the corner. There was an abandoned chessboard on the table beside him, likely from Jervis or Jonathan having grown frustrated with his attitude mid-game. It wasn’t uncommon, though it did present a challenge to the doctor as she assessed the situation.

Edward was one of her closest friends. It would be a crime not to help him out! He obviously needed someone there to cheer him up, for whatever reason, and who better than the sweetheart of Arkham herself?

(No, not Ivy. She was currently busy by the window, gardening. Though Harley was sure she could get her to help out if necessary.)

“Hey Eddie~!” She cooed as she skipped over and took the seat across from him, giving that same magical smile.

Edward gave her a half-hearted, “Quinn.” not even looking up from the floor.

Hmph. This was worse than she thought!

“What’s got ya so wound up today, hon?” she asked, a bit of her professionalism seeping through from her days as a staff member in this same institution.

He raised an eyebrow at her, before staring back at the ground with a rather childish, “You just wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” she deadpanned, leading to her fellow inmate to purse his lips.

Edward knew that Harley was not somebody to underestimate. While Joker had tossed her aside and treated her like a jockey, he could tell she was much more intelligent than she let on. She was also stubborn- Which meant there wasn’t much of a chance of him getting out of this without telling her the truth.

He sighed, finally looking directly at her as he laid his chin in his hands, “It’s Batman. I’m sure you’re aware I was only just sent back here yesterday... I have reason to believe he’s found someone else to antagonize. Why won’t he realize that I’m the only one in this city who’s worthy of being his equal...?”

Harley blinked, a part of her tempted to admit that pretty much everyone but him knew he was a second tier villain at best. Though she knew how fragile the other’s ego was, and what he really needed right now was moral support. Like a break up! He’d been there for her when she went through her messy separation, albeit with his usual awkward stoniness, so it was only right that she return the favor.

“Aw, come on Ed. He’s not worth your time.” she waved her hand dismissively, “If anything, he should be locked up in here with us! He’s no better than... Jonathan! Just using fear to escape a lonely life and exert some sort of sick power over others.”

From the couch across the room, Crane looked up from his book, unimpressed. Clearly, he wanted no part of this.

Harley gave an awkward laugh and wave to her old professor, before turning back to Edward, “-Either way, I think you could do better.”

Edward raised an eyebrow, “...Really?”

She nodded, swinging her legs excitedly, “Yeah! Once we bust outta here, we should get you on some dating apps. Maybe go to a few Comic Cons. There’s gotta be someone out there who’s just as nerdy as you-!” she giggled as she poked him in the shoulder teasingly, watching the other puff up defensively.

“I don’t need a partner! I need a rival to sharpen my wits. I just- I want him to see that we’re the same. Is that too much to ask?” Edward snapped, pouting once more.

Harley’s smile faded for a moment, and she seemed to think for a moment, “....Get up.”

“What?” Edward seemed baffled at the sudden order, especially coming from her.

“Stand up! I wanna try somethin’!” She beamed, motioning for the other to get out of his chair. At this point, most of the other inmates were busy in their own little worlds, though a few took notice when Nygma stood. Especially since Harley looked so unnervingly excited.

Quinn walked over with a rather threatening look in her eye, hidden by her giddy smile, “Ok, now put your hands up.”

He hesitated, leading to a gentle, “Come on~! I’m not gonna hurt ya!”

Edward nervously raised his arms above his head, his baggy uniform falling over his slender form due to weeks of avoiding meals. He’d probably been up for days, based on his demeanor. He really put his whole heart and soul into this rivalry, Harley thought.

These small details of the other’s appearance only spurred on the psychiatrist as she stalked around him like a predator, deciding she knew exactly what she had to do. Then, when she was sure he wouldn’t expect it, Harley clamped down under his arms, wiggling her fingers against his skin through the loose fabric. In her opinion, laughter was the best medicine, and if Eddie was going to hold back like that, she certainly wasn’t.

If no one had been paying attention to them before, Edward sharp yelp would have tipped everybody off. He immediately brought his arms back down with a strangled giggle, doing his best to shoot Harley a look as she continued with her hands wedged under his arms.

She merely laughed along in response, cooing, “Awh Eddie, you’re so cute when you’re laughing like this. Kitchy koo~!”

“Harleen!” he hissed through gritted teeth, his cheeks already a bright red color as he tried to squirm free of her grasp.

After a moment he managed to pull away and get those blasted fingers out from his hollows- only for his arm to once again by suspended above him by some unidentifiable force. He looked up in horrified confusion, only to find thick vines wrapped around each wrist, holding him up like he was the catch of the day at Gotham Harbor..

“ISLEY!”

The purring voice of the botanist did nothing to soothe his flustered anger as she appeared beside her current partner in crime, “Yes, Edward...?”

Eddie bit down on his cheek to keep himself from bursting into laughter from the light yet overwhelming sensations, leading to his fiery responses being entirely silenced. Harley had barely even let up while the fiendish red-head had done her work, her fingers now trailing up his biceps and back down just to make him jump.

“Look Eddie, we just wanna help ya! Now, be a good little gigglebug and laugh.” Harley gave her victim an evil smirk, before moving down to dig into his prominent ribs.

Edward immediately acted like all the air had been sucked from his lungs, before he finally fell into real, authentic laughter. It was honestly a marvel that no guard had come to check on the group yet, considering how noisy they’d become both from Edward’s current predicament, and the snickers of onlookers.

His laugh was more sweet and melodic than most people would think, and it was almost bouncy as he squirmed around. It sounded much more innocent than the man who was behind it.

“C’mon Eddie, that’s it,” Pamela hummed as she stepped around him, obviously enjoying watching the other get so flustered. His cheeks heated up as she fluttered her leaves and flower petals across his neck from the greenery continuing to hold him up, affectively turning his mind to mush.

“Youhou’re both dEAHAHAEEEE-!” Edward’s final attempt at a threat fell off into a squeal when Harley suddenly moved down to his hip bones with her own sporadic movements, making him buck as he tried to pull his arms free.

“Jackpot!” Harley sang, focusing all her attention on the dips and protruding bone. She was pure evil alright.

Edward’s squealing soon tapered off into begging and hiccuping giggles as he slowly lost his energy, all of which were practically indecipherable anyways, “Harleen! Pleaseheheheease-! Noho-!”

Harley hesitated, making an over-exaggerated face as if contemplating something grand, “Mmm... I don’t think you’re all cheered up yet...”

“I aham Ihihihiamm-!!!” He wheezed, his laughter starting anew as Quinn moved up a little to trace at his sides.

Harley and Ivy shared a look, and Harley eventually shrugged, slowing her movements to a stop. He’d had enough for the day.

Edward immediately sunk to the floor as Ivy’s vines guided him in a manner that would keep him from injuring himself, and soon the green weeds bloomed flowers to serve as a sort of mattress for the man to rest on. He continued giggling airily from the leftover ghost tickles and slight movements of the flora, the two watching. him curiously. Eventually he looked up at the both of them with a more genuine, honestly pretty cheesy smile.

There’s the Edward they knew and loved!

Harley was the first to react, per usual. She squealed excitedly and went to tackle him in a hug, which he begrudgingly returned as Ivy sat down cross legged beside them on their living carpet. The rest of the rogues had gone back to their own business, leaving the three to their own devices now that Edward had been so fiercely pulled out of his funk.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Edward spoke up with a surpassingly shy, “Er... thank you. Both. I needed that. Even if it was insufferable, it was... nice.”

Harley simply hummed happily and hugged him tighter, while Ivy was left to wave him off. He made Harley happy, so he was clearly worth their time.

Harley remained cuddled up between the two indefinitely after it was all said and done, rambling on about nothing in particular and helping get Ed’s mind off of the Bat for once in his life. And after recreational hours were done? She would get Edward to a meal and help him get back to his feet before their next breakout and/or parole hearing. And even if she acted aloof, Ivy would be with them every step of the way.

[rotationalsymmetry]

Returning to the theme of “what goes on in your life is news”…

I don’t have my skepticism glasses on with articles like these. (About the harm of responding to opioid addiction by getting doctors to prescribe fewer opioids.) And the reason why is, I’ve encountered this problem in my own circle of people I know. Not with a chronic pain condition fortunately or with forced tapering, but just one time when someone I knew was in pain from surgery and casually mentioned one time he was having trouble getting his refill on time that he didn’t want to get seen as drug seeking. (I don’t remember the details but I think the consequence was he got less medication than he needed for a bit.) The fear of being written off as an addict affects huge swaths of people, far beyond the number of people who actually get directly denied medication due to being seen as drug seeking.

And it makes sense! The possible consequences of getting that put on your chart…there’s a risk of getting stuck with a chronic pain condition and never being free of pain again, when the medications are there and you just aren’t allowed to have them. Of course people will go to great lengths to avoid that risk. Especially people who have already had the experience of being treated as less than fully human by other people and by institutions.

I’ve heard so many stories of health care disasters in the US and health care “wait, that’s it?” experiences in countries with socialized medicine. Guess where I stand on that issue. News articles didn’t convince me. People’s experiences did.

You know how I got to where I stand on intentional weight loss? Sure, I read some stuff, but the reason I believed that stuff is because my mom dieted on and off throughout my childhood, so when I encountered the narrative of “yeah, dieting leads to short term weight loss, but the vast majority of people don’t keep the weight off over time, even when they’re responsible people who try really hard” that was consistent with what I’d seen. I didn’t need studies (although, there are a metric shit ton of studies cited in Health At Every Size (the book)), I could just think about the people I knew and what their experiences were.

(My dad is about as skinny as he was in my baby pictures, even though my mom is the one who watches what she eats and Dad has never dieted in his life. I can see a utter lack of cause and effect when it’s staring me in the face.) (this is why many people find “fat is good, actually” diets compelling btw — they know low fat dieting didn’t work, but “maybe that specific dieting advice was wrong” fits the same data points pretty well too.)

You know what’s been getting me really pissed off about landlords? Living in apartment buildings.

You know why I became an anarchist? Because I was a good kid and I always did what I told and I got fucked up anyways. And then I read a book explaining how I got fucked up. And it made sense.

You know why I’m a feminist? Because I’ve had my ass grabbed by strangers, and because I don’t like shaving my armpit hair but you can’t just not shave your armpit hair as someone who looks like a woman without getting responses from people. And because I got pressured into a haircut I didn’t like in seventh grade. And if you think “well, it’s just a haircut” then you don’t understand anything about people.

I’m against school bullying because I was bullied. Because I know what it’s like. Because people I know and care about have been bullied. Because people I know of have died.

I’m against rape and for attempts to actively fight back against rape culture and create cultures based on consent and respect for bodily autonomy because, check as many as you like, I was raped, my friends was raped and she closed off emotionally and I lost my friend because some other asshole raped her, because I’ve heard an awful lot of personal stories about people (mostly but not exclusively women) getting raped and the aftereffects of that.

I care about community because I’ve spent a lot of my life being lonely.

I care about disability because I’m disabled. That’s not great, I wish I’d made it a priority earlier. (I wasn’t, like, against disability rights, I didn’t harass part time wheelchair users or whatever, but this is the sort of thing where most problems are actually caused by indifference, not active malice.) But I’m here now, and I’m here because being disabled sucks, and because only some of the suckitude is due to the conditions themselves. And at least now that I am here I’m trying to be solid on the “your struggle is my struggle” thing — I don’t have chronic pain but I’m for the rights of people who have chronic pain, I’m not developmentally disabled but I’m working to change my assumptions about people who are and I’m speaking up for developmentally disabled children and adults, I’ve never had any of the “scarier” mental illnesses (uh, that I’m aware of, I mean how do you know that you don’t have say a personality disorder) but I’m for destigmatizing all mental illnesses and I’m taking time to learn more and I’m for all people with mental illnesses getting assistance with activities of daily living when they need that. Even if it’s not obvious why food and showers and tooth brushing are not happening, the important thing is that they happen even if that means paying someone to make sure it gets done.

[theravenclawmonster]

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 2 of dunno how many)

The previous post of this series of posts can be found in this link post 1

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to) [yes, this is the same in all posts in series]

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post. 

Okay, where was i? The first visit to the doctor. I had my tests done and bought the acidity medicine and the vitamins he suggested (i had already started to take vitamins again since a couple of weeks before, he just added folic acid to that. I also have a bit of an issue with vitamins and people telling me to eat them indicating that all will be well after that; but more about that later). in the pharmacy, my mother was pretty upset with me cuz i kicked her out of the room and told me some stuff i don’t want to remember right now. ummm... basically she said “ why did you ask me to leave, what secret were you going to tell the doctor? what did you tell him we did to you? i know what you think about me. you could have just said it all in front of me. what was with all the secrecy” [funnily enough, although i did ask her to leave, my reason was cuz i can’t really speak in front of her (she interrupts a lot too) and i was worried that i’d cry and didn’t want to hear about it for another 6 months. there was no secret or i didn’t even think about mentioning the abuse, cuz how do you just go to a stranger and say “ hi i am in pain and my parents abuse me”. even asking for help for my pain was demanding enough for me.] . she also “informed” me very angrily that the it wasn’t allowed for a woman to be alone with a male doc, a nurse must be present (which was not present) and that is probably why doc didn’t do the proper physical checkup. Well! he should have (if he thought an extensive one was necessary; he did check my breathing and stomach softness), called a nurse in or my mother in. i didn’t have any issues with him doing my physical checkup alone too.  and he didn’t mention anything about that to me at all.

Anyway, I went back thinking God knows how long was this process was going to take and if i had the energy to fight for myself and make people believe that i was actually in a lot of pain. the reports came back fine (the expensive test one too, to much displeasure of my father “but this came back fine, so expensive for no use. why did he even write that test?” as if it would have been somehow better to get a positive test back for a disease?! I really don’t know how his mind works. By the time all reports were in, it was time for my appointment at the psychiatrist and it was decided to go to her first, then on our way back show the reports to our primary doc. that way we could also talk to him about what she said.

Oh wait, i forgot to mention in my last post. the doctor only suggested the psychiatrist and later sent me her number saying that i have told her about you please take an appointment. i had to call her and i asked about her fees which she very nicely said would be discounted and that helping me and understanding what was stressing me was more important. I felt so weird then, i don’t really hear these type of things very often.... or almost ever. 

going to the clinic was easy enough, of course my mother and father accompanied me. and my mother did follow in. [let me just add that i only remember about half of what happened so...] the doctor ( hereby referred to as Psy lady) asked me “so, how are you?” and i said “ i’m good *smiled awkwardly as she realised that was not what she meant to ask*. she was like okay, how do you feel and what do you want to discuss me with. so i just sat there like a dumbass. then i asked her how much the other doc told her about me. she said it was just that you are his patient and needs psychiatric help in his opinion.

I am just going to make a dialogue format written account for that and the next doctor’s visit as this seems way too confusing.

At that time (not sure) my mother interrupted;

Mother: *turned to me* “if you don’t mind may i tell her the history etc” *in pointed politeness*

Me: “ok.”

Mother: *launched from how i was such a brilliant smiling child and wanted to take this scholarship abroad but she said no* *went off a long tangent about how she was just being a nice worried parent in controlling my life and now feels guilty cuz i can’t let it go* *finished by saying* “Dr., she just can’t forget that, she is stressed no job plus the lock down etc you know how it is. then she found out she has scoliosis in january and i think she has taken it to heart, like really it is completely asymptomatic and i have asked the doc she won’t have any problems cuz of it in the future” (i am guessing she meant having babies but really who knows) “she has just taken stress over that”.

Psy lady : *scribbled something on her paper* “My i have some time alone with her?”

Mother: “yes yes sure” *left* 

Psy lady : “so tell me a bit about yourself.”

Me: *was still fuming and recoiling and shaking in my seat cuz i just don’t understand until how long is my mother going to throw that in my face. it has been years and i wasn’t even that upset about it (at least i just quietly internalized it) but she refused, controlled my life (since birth btw and still does now) and not even let me do anything else i want to do, nor find a job, then proceeded to throw her ‘oh i feel so guilty, i am such a good parent. i have commited a crime by being caring and now i must be punished oh!’ at me. Like where am i in all that? you say no, you control, your guilt, your love, your care, your image as a parent that must never be broken. where am i in all that? ALSO you never listen to my complains about pain so shut up* 

Psy lady: ...

Me: “umm... hi... i umm never had a dream, but then i found this thing in my mid-twenties and i loved it, but they didn’t let me pursue it, then didn’t let me do anything. and now they act like i am a burden on them. now i have nothing to do or like, and i can’t even find a job or have anywhere to go. i don’t even really wanna die, i am just tired” *burst into tears yet again as i realized i had no idea why i was telling her all that and it felt so fake and story like at the same time*    “... i can’t even breathe and i am in so much pain all the time that i feel like detached from my body cuz every time i try to be in it it fucking hurts.”

Psy lady: “are your parents always this much controlling” *pointed to the door indicating my mother*

Me: “they are emotionally abusive”

Psy lady: *had been looking into my eyes but looked away at the word abusive and didn’t say anything*

Me: *continued after a little shock that i actually said it out loud* “I can’t walk, my knees hurt” *tried to repeat almost all that was possible from the previous doc*   *also told her about feeling dissociative and explained a bit how that feels for me* * told her all about how i was fine in dragging me through life but now that my body has suddenly collapsed (where as before it was just emotional pain and numbness and occasional body pains in back and stuff nothing too overwhelming or maybe i was mentally strong to ignore it) i feel very scared and lost. I was dealing with everything fine on my own even when i felt like dying but now i cant handle anything, i can’t even act in front of others; something i am exceptionally good at* *talked about lowered brain function, slowness, low blood pressure, no energy suddenly, not being able to retain information or remember anything, not having a concept of time and memory*

Psy lady: *explained about DPDR disorder and asked me about sleep eating etc.*

Me: *repeated the same: loved sleep can’t now, loved eating can’t now* 

After some time of explaining asking and answering, she said that i have depression and what happens is that our brain stops making certain chemicals and to get it to make them again we have 2 options. one is medicine; the other is motivation and exercises. it seems like the latter would be hard for me (and i confirmed that i infact cannot walk or do almost anything and exercise is too painful cuz pain everywhere) she said that the best route in my situation is to start the medicine for some weeks (she said she’d not give them for more than 4 months; whole course including tapering them out) and explained that the medicines were very safe and answered all my queries about dependency on them or side effects etc. I said if that is what she thinks would be best and if taking them means i could feel alive again and my brain function would return to normal.

she then asked me to bring my mother back in. she explained the medicines to her and said i have diagnosed her with MDD. My mother asked what is that. She said Moderate Depressive disorder. my mother asked if the medicine was necessary. she  said yes, and to not worry as these were safe and she’s only giving to get me started and pull me out of this extreme state, only for a short time. she also said that come back after 10 days of eating these, so we can see the effect and the side effects if any, and that day she’d also get me an appointment for a psychologist who worked in the same clinic as she thinks it would help me immensely. we agreed. took the medicine and left for the doc no. 1′s clinic. My mother didn’t say anything.

we reached his office and throughout the short car ride and while sitting there waiting for my turn, i was feeling very... accomplished? enthusiastic? Dunno... I was just trying not to cry cuz i finally had it written on paper, i was finally diagnosed, i had finally gotten help. yes, it was only a start and i don’t know much about how doctors work diagnosis and how much more can be added in future visits but it was a start. i finally did something to actually help me.

Finally, our turn came. we showed him the reports and told him what she said and prescribed. My mother asked him if the meds were necessary. 

doc: “yeah they really believe in starting meds right away.”

mother: “I don’t want her to take them, it’s like giving up. she can use her will power and get better right?” [she also added something very weird like ‘these stamps (mental disorders diagnosed on paper) are not good for a woman’ or something along this line]

Doc: “yes she can. i too would suggest she do that.”

Mother: *went off on a long tangent about how when she was my age she had depression after having my older sister. but she will-powered through it and didn’t take the meds etc*

doc: “yes i agree, but it really depends on her is she willing to do it” *in a tone that suggested that i should say yes immediately and will-power though life*

Me: * realizing no one is listening to me* “doctor, can you please talk with the Psy lady and ask her if they are necessary in her opinion cuz i have no will left to power though with.”

Doc: “okay.” *called her and talked right then* * told her that he thinks it would be better to willpower through it?

Mother: “well she can will-power through right?”

Doc: “well the Psy lady said that she has been powering through with her will power for years; she has none left anymore. so she thinks that meds are the best option and besides” *looked at the prescription again* “these meds are not addictive and very safe.”

Mother: * insisted on no meds for 15 more minutes and had a long discussion with doc about praying, watching motivational speakers and what not*

doc: *joined in enthusiastically*

Me: *stared into the distance and stops listening with my wobbly neck and painful back*

Doc: “well she is not even listening. can you do it? exercise?”

me: “no it hurts, as i have explained before, not like the yayy muscle cramping up cuz i worked out way and i will love exercise in 2 weeks time way. No! the tendons hurt the bones hurt the joints hurt extremely painfully and it increases with time, even after 2-3 weeks it doesn’t get better.”

Doc: “okay, how about friends? social life? what do you do at home etc”

Me: “my friends are not here, i never made new ones. no social life. even when i was going to class before the lock down, it was from home to uni, uni to home. had no friends there. and i did walked in uni for about half an hour or even more but it hurt in the beginning, i thought okay, cramps (although my knees and heels were very painful too) but it almost felt like it got better (the cramps part) but then it got way worse and after a month i couldn’t walk for more than 10 minutes at a very slow painful speed.”

Doc: *asked about pets, anything that would suggest i was a living being with a life*

Me: “pets are not allowed and so is leaving the house by myself.”

Mother: *interjected* “we have never restricted her for anything.”

By this time, i had frankly given up and i don’t remember what happened next or where the conversation went. just remember something along the lines of “ for these 10-15 days before the next Psy lady appointment, let her do whatever she likes to, don’t ask her don’t control her. let her start up her social life again. she needs to be around friends and the things she can enjoy” something like this. to which my mother said very confidently “sure whatever she wants to do”

then, we left his office and in the car she told me to “not eat the meds as we have ‘now discussed it with your doctor”

this is getting way longer. i think i’d make one more post about it, or maybe one more after that for bits that i forgot. this post seems so badly written upon second inspection. this is not even the 40% of what happened but i don’t remember what happened exactly, or even the timeline.

The third and hopefully last post of this series can be found here post 3

[pgoeltz]

Thomas F. Kline MD, PhD                                                    JATH                                                                    Carolyn M. Concia, NP

David John Williams                          EDUCATIONAL CONSORTIUM, LLC **                 Jaime James Sanchez

                                                                                       6409 Pernod Way

                                                                                                Raleigh, North Carolina 27613

                                                                                                             919-561-0144

                                                                               Pain Refugee Statistics

                                   DATA PERTAINING TO THE PAIN REFUGEE CRISIS

April 1, 2019

A crisis ten times the size of opioid epidemic has begun to occur and is worsening daily.  I am observing it with horror from my position as an independent chronic and rare disease specialist with more than 40 years experience and no ties to anything but my responsibilities to care for all of the patient, especially when suffering.

I have never seen a health care crisis develop of this magnitude without anyone seemingly knowing it is occurring.  I could never have imagined this happening within the United States of America.

The opioid crisis has nothing to do with office pain patients with one of many permanent, painful disease disorders.  Cardiac disease needs cardiac medication.  Painful disease needs pain medication.

On March 15, 2016 the CDC issued the “Guideline for Prescription of Opioids for Chronic pain” which started the cascade of disenfranchisement of potentially millions of legitimate innocent patients with very nasty painful rare diseases.

The “Guideline” has grossly interfered with the doctor-patient relationship by implying primary care doctors needed education in safe (read reduced) prescribing, as over prescribing by doctors was responsible for the opioid epidemic.  This is a terrible accusation and needs substantial establishment of validity before a federal agency would issue such serious statement.  To this date they have not provided the needed validity.  But regardless, the “Guideline” provided the accelerant for the wildfire that is actually getting worse each day as access to medical care for painful diseases is closing rapidly.

There are 10 million patients with painful diseases (Dr. Volkow)  such as:  Ehlers-Danlos, CRPS or Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Adhesive Arachnoiditis from spinal injections, failed back surgery, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Chiari Syndrome of the brain being displaced, advanced inoperable multi-joint destructive disease, Central Pain Syndrome with Chronic Brain Inflammation (old title “fibromyalgia), pain syndromes following trauma, especially in Veterans with war wounds, Interstitial Cystitis, and about 25 more rare disorders.  None of these can be treated with Tylenol or with CDC “alternatives”.

No one has shown prescribing “too much” is the real reason behind the “overdose deaths” in street heroin addicts, a fact the CDC failed to disclose.  Of the 40,000 overdose deaths reported by the CDC 39,500 died from heroin addiction without medical care. None of the studies looked closely at Cause of Death, just association. Association may or may not be causal, which possibly could drop prescription overdose death rate in general population to near 0. Of 64 million people prescribed opiates 500 or less possibly died of OD.

In fact “opioid exposure” is like “demon exposure.”  It actually has nothing to do with genetically driven opiate addiction or Chemical Receptor Disease.  If it were true the $600 billion spent on substance control (CRS) would have worked by now.  The reason it has not worked and will not work is the pathophysiology of type 2 addiction or classical Heroin addiction is different from other addictions where exposure to substance is a factor.

Mass hysteria or Fear of Addiction Phobia has exploded pre-existing prejudices into a destructive mythology harming a large number of innocent bystanders – the pain refugees. This national fear is as bad or worse than previous fears of being possessed by the devil leading to hangings in 1692,  fears in the 1950’s communists in every walk of life,  fear in the 1980’s with “crack cocaine dope fiends” raiding communities in the 1980s, and the fear of catching HIV on every toilet seat.  

This mass hysteria is worse now, actual deaths are occurring from suicides to relieve pain caused by forcibly stopping effective, safe medicines.  Potentially millions of lives are being ruined people unable to function without proper treatment of the painful disease.  No one is counting these. No one really is seeking the truth.

CDC may say they didn’t really mean it that way, but they published a “Guideline” that looked much like a regulation when only the FDA has congressional authority to publish concerning any prescription drug.  I was and is taken with the zealousness of a real regulation – which it is not. Internally the “Guideline” does not discuss when to use opiates with the implication that they should never be used.

The “Guideline” is written as corrective actions for the wrongs of primary care doctors.  The doctors responded by stopping the opioid prescriptions as they did after federal narcotic police arrests in beginning in 1915 after the Harrison Act, a federal attempt to control pain medicines deemed by the police to be dangerous causing “highs’.  In the last three years two thirds of primary doctors have done the same thing – “send ‘em to pain management,” whatever that is.

CDC and their opioid avoidance consultants have tried to walk back the idea of forced tapering  in a futile and illogical attempt to reduce the heroin street deaths, a ludicrous, dangerous notion that cutting based on flawed thinking that back on substance exposure is what causes heroin addiction.  This is not true. It is doesn’t even make sense.  How can taking frightening sobbing people off medicines they know have saved their functional lives stop overdoses in street addicts.  There is something very wrong with logical thinking.  It sounds more polemic and it sounds policy based on fear of medicines for pain.

Whether the CDC regulations are valid is a moot point.  As a result of demonizing 50 centuries of the opiate pain medicine, and as a result of blaming primary care doctors, and as a result attempts to remove opiate pain medicine as the drug of choice, we have nearly annihilated the use of “God’s Medicine” in the words of Sir William Osler, father of Internal Medicine.

The following descriptive data is taken from my twitter following.  There are approximately 25,000 people in this group of chronic painful disease patients.  The data is sidewalk interview type data with those choosing to respond providing the data.  Each question had between 200 and 500 respondents.  This information is offered a beginning point.  We need to further define this serious and widespread injury to potentially millions of people.

The CDC was tasked by its Scientific Advisors to follow up to see if any unintended consequences were occurring. It has been three years.  No reports have been seen.  The unintended consequences of destruction of lives and suicide deaths remain unknown but until proven otherwise the estimate remains in the millions of American citizens, mainly women. These are people who did nothing to deserve being caught in the crossfire of opioid zealotry.  

Some facts:

1.  Ten million people in the US need to take daily opiate medication, of the 25.3 million with daily pain lasting longer than three months with 15 million already trying alternatives.

2.  Four different surveys, including my own Twitter poll indicate 60-70% of the ten million are being actively tapered off opiate pain regimens without medical reason.

3.  When asked why the doctors were tapering for no reason patients reported they were told it was due to the CDC and DEA.  (“I cannot lose my license over this, you will need to deal with your pain”)

4.  Fifty percent of the ten million with legitimate long term, incurable painful diseases are completely taken off medicines that should never have been taken away lacking a medical reason.

5.  Two thirds of primary care doctors have quit prescribing opiate pain medicine in the last three years

6.  Picking up the slack, pain specialists now bursting at the seams to help those denied access for their disease, are being raided by federal and state drug squads for “having too many patients”, and “prescribing more than any other doctor” – a crime I never heard of.  Punished for helping out.

7.  This data to follow is informal and should have been obtained by the CDC.  But, the obvious is not always an illusion>  Reading the stories of 28,000 pain patients makes me believe these these probes are more than likely portray the truth.

These statistics are from those patients who have been tapered down or off their pain medicines:

--After tapering 89% had more pain, 11% less pain or no change 302 12-27

--Sleep was worse in 92%  (sleep deprivation is a new secondary disease from tapering)

--70% were forced to taper against their will with their strong protestations and tears ignored

--Dependence or having withdrawl is pretty much the same as addiction. 18% yes 2-4 82% no

-- 2/3 of patients require more than 90mg Mme per day (CDC never checked if 90mg would work)

     (FDA, the rulemaking agency for opiates has not recommended tapering and by law and regulations  has no maximum amount or dose)

--Those doing “fine” after the tapering  15%

--negative impact on parenting – 78%

--negative impact on sexuality – 88%  (78% stopped having sex altogether)

--negative impact on  social activities like PTA, church, civic activities:  57% stopped activities,  major reduction 36%, no change 3%

- -“big” problems with relationships – 92%

-- weight gain 45%, weight loss 35%, no change 20%

--considered an addict for taking pain medicine- 50% said yes

--Flagged in computers as “drug seekers” – 43%

-- agree or disagree with the statement made by opiate opposed doctors that long term opiate medicine is ineffective:  82% disagree

--Percentage of painful disease patients refused medication because they did not have cancer -69%

--Statement by CDC Director Thomas Frieden MD that “doctors are the cause of the opioid epidemic” – 82% disagreed

--Veterans: after two months off meds or tapered are you better for it? Yes better 13% worse 29% a lot worse 58% 112 1-17

--Antidepressant helped: quite a bit 9% maybe helped some 22% did not help 69%

Side effects of antidepressant: major 53% mild to moderatle 26% none 26%

--Do you know a vet: 12% no tapering 51% Stopped, 37% reduced 141 1-14

--Percentage receiving “adequate pain medicines”  17%

- suicide numbers - unknown.  CDC is reporting sharp rise in suicides especially in women.  About 70% of the population of chronic painful diseases are women, reflecting similar weighting in autoimmune disease.  CDC has not reported and data on why the increase in suicides.  It must be assumed to be related to pain so great as to make life  not a life until proved otherwise. One CDC person interviewed indicated the notion of medication tapering suicides said they were not studying this.  Google “medium suicides” for case reports.

--Problems filling their doctors’ prescriptions at the pharmacy -33%

--Major “life changes” – 68%

--Tapered off or down on pain medicines  but still doing “ok”    6%  94% worse

-- Forced tapering without a say so-  76%

-- tapering effects on employment- no change 3%, negative effect 36%, had to quit job 61%

--once tapering was found to increase pain and decrease functioning how many had their original doses restored- - 13%, 76% of practitioners refused to restore  to previous effective levels

-- Percentage of “doctor shoppers” who are addicts – 40%, percentage who are pain patients -60%

-- Percentage of patients currently looking for doctors but cannot find one--- 65% (of ten million presumably)

CDC recommends using alternative, second line treatments first, not a standard medical practice I am familiar with..  Generally we physicians like to treat with the most effective first, back ups if the drug of choice fails.  As a result of the stampede to more expensive, higher risk and reduced effectiveness we asked several questions in each poll--

--Back surgery, was it “worth it”? – yes 23% , 77% no

--Neck surgery, was it worth it?  - 68% no, 32% yes

--Physical Therapy helped – 10%,  PT made it worse 43%

-- Alternate medicines worked as well as the opiates:  5%  yes, 95% no

--Lyrica - effective in only 8%, noticeable side effects 72%

--Neurontin, side effects in more than half, worked in only 13% little or none 35% side effects bad 46% side effects minimal 6%

--Spinal Stimulators implanted by surgery, “was it worth it”? – no in 86% (40-50K dollars)

--ketamine infusions – effective in 50%  

--Morphine pumps “did it relieve pain”? – 50% yes, 50% no (30-50K dollars plus monthly fees, surgical risks)

--Injection treatments, “would you recommend to others with the same diseases?”  47% said no (high risk of addisonian adrenal suppression and adhesive arachnoiditis, a disastrous lifelong disease)

--Radiofrequency ablation, “was it worth doing?” – 79% said no, 21% said yes  (extremely painful and expensive procedure)

--of those without addiction how many felt euphoria when starting: 16%, euphoria later

--euphoria from gabepentin: heard of this? 24% yes 296 1-2

Most patients are referred to pain clinics.  The status of licensing requirements is unknown. People who no longer are treated for their pain by their regular doctors, traditionally the ones who treated pain prior to 2015, who now go to “Pain Clinics” are asked to respond on twitter polls.

Contracts, pill counts, urine-analyses were traditionally reserved for opiate addicts.  It is not clear why these methods are forced on the pain patients abandoned by their primary care practitioners.  They report the following:

--forced to sign addiction style pain contracts -80%  restricting what pharmacies to go to,  forced birth control, etc  one person committed suicide after an ER relief prescription was refused by the pharmacy due to restrictive pain control (google Medium Suicides)

--numbers reporting good care at the pain clinic- -25%, not so good in 25%, “terrible” care 50%

--Number of pain clinics not prescribing actual pain medication – 25-31%

--Number of pain clinics offering “injections only” – 41%

--Number of pain clinics refusing to prescribe pain medicines until patient agrees to injections first--34%

--Number of pain clinics prescribing pain medicine according to FDA guidelines- 18%

--Number of patients that were not sent to Pain clinics by their primary care and followed in the office for the pain treatment – 19%, with 63% were “referred out”

--50% have to pay $100-$300 for each pain clinic visit after insurance pays

--Forced to have addiction type urine tests  in spite of no one ever reported to addict already on pain medications with false positive and negative rates leading to discharge from pain clinic and labeling as drug seekers on EHR records damming the patient for ever in receiving pain medication for any reason.

--How many have problems getting your pain meds at pharmacies: at chain pharmcies 55% at independent 1% 115 sample of 15k 12-16-17

-- repeating the poll in a different way: now many in general have had problems filling your prescriptions at pharmacies- 33% have had a problem 31% at chains 2% at independent pharmacies 225 sample from 15k 12-17-17

-- “honestly now, pulling no punches do you believe over prescribing by doctors is contributing to overdose deaths Yes 18% No 82% 284 votes of 15k 12-22-17

--the CDC and PROP Believes long term medication continues to be taken after three months just to hold off withdrawal Agree 18% Disagree 82% 273 votes of 15k 12-20-17

--of you looking for new doctors to prescribe pain meds how many docs/np’s/pa’s have you contacted 1-10 34% more than 10: 9% eventually successful 15% still looking 42% 122 votes

--are you getting proper and adequate treatment for your painful disease? yes getting good treatment 21% No not getting adequate treatment for your painful disease 79% 175 votes 12-23-17

--Reactions by doctors and practitioners when telling you are going to be tapered against your will: neutral 41% vindictive 29% nice or sad 24% gleeful 6% 228 1-22

--How many of you have been denied pain medicine because you don’t have cancer 69% 251 votes

--Medical society with plan for board protection 23 votes 17% yes

In general painful disease patients are also reporting:

--34% take both benzodiazepines and opiate with no problems reported in  87%, problems in 13%

--Two percent report benzodiazepines work best to relieve pain, opiates work best 52% and the combination of benzodiazepines and opiates work best in 36%, with neither working in  10%

--Outcomes with opiate pain medicine:  89% reporting “good”

--Numbers of patients in the universe of twitter followers officially disabled from their painful diseases: 53%

--requiring more than 90mg MME for pain control: 63%

These twitter polls were conducted by JATH over the last two years.  Many of the polls were validated by other polls outside of JATH.  The polls cannot be dismissed by saying they were not properly done.  The obvious is not always an illusion.  Are these randomly stratified samplings – no.    This information is provided to issue an alert.

Opiate drugs have an addiction rate of 0.5% - a major side effect but which can be managed easily if caught early.  If each prescriber would merely ask their patients if they have ever had an opiate we would stop new deaths from opiate addiction.   With this simple question no more teenagers will die due to ignorance of the pathophysiology of opiate addiction and the different types.  There is no such thing as “addiction” or “drug abuse”, but there are types of addiction  which are very different and need to be treated differently just as we do with the two types of diabetes.  

If the answer to the critical question “ever had a pain killer before” is YES the person will never opiate addict.  If the answer is NO they will have < 1% change for genetically determined opiate addiction.  The prescriber needs to warn “no” patients to report back if they have other than a sedative effect from the narcotic especially if they “go on a magic carpet ride”   If they do,  they have opiate addiction disease, type 2.   They need not seek out heroin and die.  No new cases of addiction need to die.  Ninety percent of opiate addiction occurs in teenage years.  Why? - First exposure.   Opiate addiction differs from other forms of addiction as it is triggered by the hidden propensity for immediate addiction.  This is why the news stories report the addiction from the doctors prescription – first exposure, not “substance exposure”.  

Thus identified, the patients can be medically treated in the office. Opiate addiction is serious side effect, but it is not fatal like many serious side effects of other prescription drugs.  We need to ask more about the facts of the two types of addiction and why they are different.  We cannot apply one solution for both.  This is where the mistakes have been made, and money wasted for 100 years.   We need medical facts, pathophysiological facts before we subject millions of people to the withdrawal of medical treatment without rhyme or reason.   It is their choice to take the risks or not take the risks, not the government, not doctors cowed into harming their patients, not the drug police.

Of any new idea,  Einstein said that some things are easy to understand but hard to believe.  This is offered in that light.  I have seen it.  Heads are in the sand. A nationwide tragedy  is really happening on a scale no one could ever imagine.  

Thomas F. Kline MD, Ph.D

Chronic and Rare Disease Specialist

Raleigh, North Carolina

Web: thomasklinemd.com

Email: thomasklinemd@gmail.com    Intelligent discussions are welcome

**JATH Educational Consortium LLC is a Raleigh based research group providing unrestricted data to the medical community and the general public for policy making and improvement of medical care

[slushrottweiler]

Vesuvia University Institute of Medicine and Magic: Kink and Fetish Study

Chapter 3: The use of vibrating paraphernalia and its effect on improved phone interactions

The latest chapter in my smutastic sex study fic, featuring every one favourite Disaster Doctor, and apprentice Terra. For today's @smutember entry "Quickie" and "Toys"

...

Holy fuckstick that is a lot of cock!

Laid out in a neat row on her bed was the largest collection of sex toys Terra had ever seen outside of the internet.  The assorted rainbow of coloured paraphernalia varied wildly in shape, size and materials. From simple peach-toned dildo to a sleek glass phallus, to the three-pronged pink monstrocity with a variety of attachable ridges, textured sleeves and seven-speed vibration settings; it would seem that every kind of penetrative sex toy had been included in Terra's recent parcel. 

She picked up a vibrator at random; this one a stylish mauve with artistic curves meant to pleasure both the clit and g-spot. After fiddling with the settings, the device began to whirr softly and Terra let out a bark of laughter. She dug her phone from her back pocket and dialled the most recent number on her register. If she was honest, her call and text log was mostly just this one number.

The call was answered on the second ring, and Terra didn't wait for a hello before chiming in.

'Why the fuck did I just receive a bouquet of cocks?' 

Terra heard Doctor Julian Devorak choke on the other end of the line. She was beginning to enjoy startling the man.

[[MORE]]

'Terra! I ahh... um well you see... ah hang on.' Julian stuttered, and Terra switched off the purple vibrator as she flopped down amongst her new presents. A technicoloured toy shaped like a 'roided out flower bumped into her forehead and she batted it away.

She could hear the doctor shuffling, then a door closing tightly and Julian clearing his throat. 'Sorry, I'm in my office now. Did you just say you received a severed appendage?'

Terra cackled, 'No! I got a box of dildos, you twit.'

'Oh! Well that is far less disturbing. Why didn't you just say that my dear? You know how to scare a man!' Julian's voice relaxed noticeably and Terra let a smile start to form on her lips.

'We sent them to you to try out. Experiment with alternate stimuli, that kinda thing.' He continued.

'You want me to use ALL of THEM?' Terra sat bolt upright on her bed and looked around at the sea of dicks that surrounded her. 'I don't even know what some of these are! Like, what the actual fuck is this spirally one supposed to be?'

Terra picked up a glittery silver vibrator, that tapered off into a corkscrew. It had a heavy knob at the base and what appeared to be a large suction cup. The button at the base triggered the motor, and it began spinning wildly, startling a cry from Terra. She could hear Julian laughing on the other end of the line.

‘I think that one is supposed to be a unicorn cock?’ he chortled.

‘What?’ Terra squawked, tossing the toy across the bed.

Between chuckles, Julian managed to respond. ‘I thought you’d enjoy the whimsy of it.’

‘You picked me out a magic horse dick!’

He choked on his own laughter and Terra grinned from her side of the call. She switched off the unicorn dildo and pushed it to the far side of her penis rainbow. If she was honest with herself, she’d always been fascinated by the creative variety of sex toys but had been too chicken to purchase any of the more outlandish models. With that in mind, she could guess that a few other toys were based on the reproductive organs of various mythical beasts. 

‘Well they’d make a good talking point for dinner parties.’ Julian suggested.

‘Yeah,’ Terra laughed, ‘I’ll just place this flower dick on a bookshelf and see how many people think its modern art.’

‘I genuinely dare you to do that.’

The two snickered together at their own joke. Terra brushed her hand over the toys, eventually settling on the rabbit-eared one that had caught her eye. This one was a smooth silicone toy, the kind of high end design that tried its best not to appear like a penis. Deep, luxurious red; she stroked the length of it, pleased to find it had no seams on the shaft, or clit stimulator. She turned it over in her hands, pressing a button at random. 

A soft hum filled the space. This toy didn’t rotate, simply quivered in her grip. She could control the speed of each independent motor of the toy, and she experimented by rotating between intensities and rhythms. She switched her phone onto speaker to test out the sensation on the palm of her hand. 

The vibration tingled through her fingers and up her arm, a rolling rhythm that made her eyelids flutter when she pressed it into a sore joint of her hand. 

‘I think I’ve found my favourite.’ She mumbled absently.

There was a sharp gasp from the phone. ‘You’re trying them out now?’ Julian asked.

Terra turned and flopped down on her pillow beside the phone. She waggled the toy at the device, as though Julian could see it.

‘Just against my palm. If nothing else, it’ll do wonders for my hand cramps.’ 

‘Well that’s something. Which one is it?’ Julian asked.

Rather than answer, Terra scooped up the phone and snapped a quick picture of herself, posing ridiculously with the vibrator held against her cheek. A few of the other toys could be seen at the edges of the frame, but mostly it was just a closeup shot of her goofy pout and the red vibe. Without thinking, she sent the photo to Julian.

‘I don’t know the name, its this red one.’ She explained.

‘There are three different red ones.’ 

‘Yeah I know. Is red your favourite colour or something?’ Terra teased.

‘Mahogany actually, but red is rather –’ he trailed off when the bing of an incoming text signaled, and Terra grinned at the ceiling as she imagined his gobsmacked face. She thought she heard a strangled groan, but it was gone in a rumble of chuckles. 

‘That is… unreasonably adorable.’ Julian declared. His voice was pitched a bit lower, possibly to keep the volume down. 

‘What can I say? I am just a bundle of cuteness.’ She replied sarcastically. 

‘Yeah...’ Julian trailed off with a sigh. 

Moments tricked by in silence, and Terra checked her phone to see if the call had dropped. Tapping the still-active toy against her shoulder, she asked, ‘So, do I need to take notes on them or something?’

Julian cleared his throat before responding. ‘Yes, if you like. Otherwise you can call me, and I can record the data. You could film it if you were comfortable with that.’

‘Yeah, nah.’ Terra said. ‘So you’d guide me through it?’ 

The line between them seemed suddenly heavy with tension. Julian hadn’t been present for any guided masturbation sessions since ‘The Car Incident’, as Terra had been calling it. They’d still met up plenty, but their experiments had been self-guided, with Julian taking on the role of silent observer. It hadn’t yielded as consistent a response as their previous tests, and a part of Terra was itching for the doctor to have a more active roll.

‘Um no.’ Julian answered, and Terra tried not to feel disappointed. ‘But we can angle it a different way. I’m looking to progress the angle that you respond more to the actual speech than who is saying what. Less instruction kink and more a voice kink. So we can try you describing to me what you are doing, and I can take down the notes.’

The idea of describing herself getting off to Julian did have some appeal, but not as much as she would have liked. Still, she was being paid to try these things out, and the idea of Julian listening in as she got off had its perks. She wondered if maybe, late at night when he was tired and not thinking quite so straight; did he get off on the images of her he had seen that day? Did he think about her touching herself, think about touching her himself . 

She turned the vibrator over in her palm. Terra knew she shouldn’t be hoping for things like that. Julian was her supervising doctor for Christ’s sake. But… she still wanted him to want her. Just as much as she did. Which was cruel and wrong and not something she should be thinking about. She needed to get this out of her head, focus her mind on something else.

‘Are you busy now?’

‘Huh? Wha, no not really.’ Julian stuttered adorably.

Terra reclined back on her bed, kicking the other toys onto the floor and settling comfortably in a warm patch of sunlight. She switched the vibrator onto its lowest setting and touched it gently to the exposed skin of her thigh. The tiny tremors were pleasant and just a little naughty, and she let out a low hum as she traced the vibrating tip in random patterns.

‘That’s good doc. Don’t want you working too hard.’ Her own voice had slowed, turned thick and smooth like honey.  

‘I’ll have you know I maintain a very healthy work/life balance.’ 

That earned a lazy snort from Terra, who let her eyelids flutter shut -- to focus completely on the sound of Julian’s voice and the rumbling vibrations. 

‘Which is why you’re constantly found asleep at your desk?’ 

‘Well maybe my desk is just surprisingly comfortable.’ 

‘I’ll have to test that for myself doc.’ Terra purred, and she heard Julian swallow thickly over the line. With a shiver, Terra dragged the toy up her thigh until it skimmed the edge of her denim cut-offs. She skimmed the tip against her inner thigh as goosebumps trailed in its wake.

‘Would you like that my dear?’ Fuck, Julian’s voice had taken on that deep tone he used when he instructed her. She couldn’t tell if he did it on purpose; if he was teasing or serious, but the sound had anticipation coiling in her stomach and heat pooling between her legs.

‘And if I did?’ Terra purred back, ‘Maybe I want to imagine being laid out across your desk. Spread across it like a dream.’

Carefully, so she didn’t jostle her phone from where it balanced on the pillow beside her, Terra unsnapped her shorts and kicked them away. Her underwear was already damp, and she immediately pressed firmly down on her aching clit. A low groan escaped as she massaged the aching bud through the light cotton, her other hand still ghosting the vibrator against her skin. 

When Julian spoke again, he sounded torn between arousal and frustration. ‘Damnit Terra, that’s not --’

‘It’s just a fantasy doc. Isn’t that why you sent me this box of toys? To let me play?’ This was the first time Terra had taken such a talkative role in their sessions, and the sound of Julian’s breathing growing laboured was a jolt to her system. 

‘Is that what you’re doing? Playing with me?’ he groaned.

Terra smirked. ‘Well, right now I’m playing with myself.’ As if to punctuate her words, Terra turned the vibration setting up, so the rumbling buzz sounded louder in the quiet afternoon space. She slid the tip under the seam of her underwear, stroking it back and forth until a full body shudder rolled over her. She heard Julian curse quietly.

‘How about it doc? Wanna play with me?’

‘Terra…’ he dragged out her name, a warning mixed with a plea.

‘Come on. For science…’ Terra knew she was treading a very fine line. She was probably stepping over it. But right now, with the ache between her legs and the sound of Julian’s breath in her ear, she couldn’t seem to help herself.

‘Fuck. You will be the death of me.’ Julian hissed and a breathless laugh escaped Terra as she realised she had won. As if this was the signal she had been waiting for, Terra pulled aside her underwear and finally pressed the vibrator fully against her clit.

Her back arched off the bed on impact, a shaky gasp mixing with Julian’s groan. Not wanting to go slowly, she rubbed the rumbling vibe fully against her clit, hips bucking up to meet the toy. It wasn’t hard to imagine Julian’s attention fully fixed on her, knowing he was listening with rapt attention from the other end of the call.

‘Tell me what you’re doing Terra.’ Julian asked. His words shook as he spoke, and it only egged Terra on. 

‘For science?’ She teased and revelled in the snarl that echoed through the phone.

 ‘Just tell me, please.’ he begged and oh, that was a new and exciting sound.

Terra dragged the toy down over folds until it was coated in her slick. Lining up the shuddering tip with her entrance, Terra pressed the toy into her slowly, letting the pleasure of her being stretched fill her voice.

‘It’s inside me.’ she panted once it was pushed to the hilt. The two soft ears settled easily on either side of her clit, and she quickly cycled through the patterns to find a roiling pulse that made her toes curl. ‘Fuck it fills me up so well.’

‘Gods Terra.’ Julian huffed and she started to move.

Keeping her wrist action steady, Terra slowly eased the toy in and out of her. As she panted, she quickened the pace, letting the toy press up against her g-spot with ever push. She was so wet, it glided easily in and out.

‘I’m going slow. Its… fuck, its bigger than I thought it would be.’ humming low in her throat, she sped up slightly, meeting her own movements with a thrust of her hips. Julian groaned, and a loud thump sounded, as though he had just slammed his head back against a wall.

‘It feels so good doc. Reaches all the right spots.’ she murmured, turning her head so it faced the phone beside her head. Julian’s voice was tinny through the speaker, and was muffled, like he was holding the phone close to his lips. God, now Terra was thinking about his lips. Firm and pink, and so quick to quirk into a sly smile. She could see him in her mind’s eye, leaning over her on all fours as she plunged the toy deeper, pressing the ears more firmly against her clit.

Julian swallowed hard. ‘Does it fill you up darling?’

Terra’s reply was a whimper and an increase in speed. Her hips jerked up as she fucked herself harder with the vibrator Julian had picked out for her. The steady buzz mixed with the wet slap of silicone meeting skin. Her own gasps seemed to reverberate off the walls of her bedroom, but she was focused solely on the quiet sounds coming from her phone. There was a clack of metal and fuck… was that a zipper.

‘Julian…’ Terra gasped and the doctor gifted her with a full blown moan that had her grip tightening on the toy. ‘Julian, are you…’

‘Don’t.’ he groaned, and she strained to hear the sounds in the background of Julian’s call. A steady thumping blended with his panting breaths, keeping time with her own actions. 

‘Just,’ Julian continued through his teeth, ‘Just dont stop.’ he groaned.

Terra moaned, her free hands gripping her hair as she fucked herself harder. ‘I won’t. I can’t stop.’

The sounds of sex bounced between them, Terra’s moans turning to heady pants as she pushed herself higher. She was so wet now, her own slick coated the toy and her own fingers. Sunlight warmed her quivering legs as her imagination melded with the sounds Julian made. 

With a particularly strong thrust, Terra all but squealed and arched of the bed, throwing her head back as the vibrations pulsed through her. Her actions disrupted her phone, which slid away and fell off the pillow. Instantly she whimpered at the loss, eyes snapping open to flail madly across her bed until she could scoop it up again. Quickly tapping it off speaker, she pressed the mobile against her ears and whimpered in pleasure at effect. It was like Julian was panting right in her ear, like he was pressed against her and the sounds pumped heat into her blood.

‘Don’t go.’ She begged without thinking. She pressed the phone harder as she slammed the toy into her aching cunt. “I’m getting close…’

‘I’m not going anywhere darling.’ Julian groaned on the other end of the line. ‘I’m right there… with you.’

“Fuck Julian. Fuck, fuck, fuuucckkk…’ Curses and pleas tumbled from Terra as she neared the edge. Julian moaned along with her, his cries muffled like he was biting his lip. Screwing her eyes shut tightly, Terra let herself sink into the vibrations of the toy and his voice, until she felt like she was wound so tightly she would snap.

‘Oh fuck, I’m cumming!’ The words ripped out of Terra and she came. Her orgasm smashed into her, hot and quick, with the sounds of Julian's gurgled moans filling her head. Her whole body seemed to shudder as the vibrations pushed her over, mouth open wide in a perfect silent O.

It took a minute for Terra’s brain to reboot. She slid the toy out of her with a quiet squelch, turning it off and letting it drop beside her without a care for the sheets. Considering how wet she was, she would have to change them anyway. Heavy panting came from the other end of the line, and Terra wondering if it was just an echo from her own ragged breathing of if it was really Julian who was so out of breath. 

‘Well,’ Julian cleared his throat before he spoke. He did sound a little out of it. ‘I think we’ve found your new favourite toy.’

In her orgasm-fried state, Terra just threw her head back and laughed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Julian stared at the phone he had just hung up. The standard call screen closed after a moment, revealing the last thing he had looked at besides the call. Filling the screen was a picture of his patient, pouting ridiculously. Her hair was spread out against her pillow in a vivid green halo, amber eyes flashing with mischief in the afternoon light. And poking her in the cheek was a deep red vibrator, its dual ends just visible in the shot.

The very same vibrator he had just listened to her get herself off with. A sex toy he had bought her.

Because she was a Patient in a Study HE was supposed to be supervising.

Looking down at himself, Julian cringed at the sight. His fist was still clenched around the base of his cock, softening after he had come hard to the sinful sounds coming from the girl he couldn’t seem to get out of his head. His own cum was splattered against the dark denim of his jeans, hanging low on his hips from where he had pushed it out of the way just enough to free himself. 

Dropping his head back against his shut office door, Julian covered his eyes with his arm, and groaned.

He was well and truly fucked.

[anthropologist-on-the-loose]

Some Issues with Johann Hari's Article

When I opened up my news feed this morning and saw an article in the Guardian about depression, I was excited and intrigued. As someone who has major depressive disorder, as a medical student planning on going into the mental health field, and as a clinician, I was hopeful that I would learn about some new therapy, some new resource or insight I could gain or offer to others. Instead I was met with the self-promoting, sensationalized ramblings of disgraced journalist who is dangerously promoting polarizing views of depression, treatment, patients, and the medical community as a whole.

As you can probably already tell, I found Hari’s recent works offensive - on many levels. From the perspective of a medical student, Hari’s “novel” insights were incredibly disappointing. Our social and physical environment has an effect on our mental health? Shocking! Hari presents this insight as if this is some sort of fringe, radical idea rather than the well accepted theory upon which a good portion of treatment for depression is based on today. The biopsychosocial model has been a standard of treatment and teaching in the medical field for decades. Any decent professional acknowledges that this is one of the major complicating factors in treating patients who have major depressive disorder or a major depressive episode. While pills are incredibly easy to prescribe, it is much much harder to control what happens outside the clinic, which is often the major influencing factor in a person’s mental health. Physicians know this, and there is a growing portion of the medical community that places a priority on dealing with the psychosocial part of the biopsychosocial model of medicine. Hence the swelling of interest, over the past decade or so, in the medical community around community involvement and building resilience.

Furthermore, Hari’s comment that the medical community only offers “one option” for treatment of depression is spurious at best. Pharmaceutical intervention may play a role in an individual’s prescribed treatment, but nowhere does it say that it should be the only or even the major portion of the treatment. Ideally, a treatment regimen is a complex combination of multiple different resources, from pyschodynamic or talk therapy to mindfulness activities, and yes, medication. Ideally, treatment regimens should be deeply personal and individualized, decided on by negotiation between the physicians recommendations and the patient’s desires. Of course this is an idealized model and this doesn’t always happen for a multitude of reasons*, but to claim that that patients are offered only one option for therapy (pill-way or the highway?) is a gross misrepresentation.

Hari’s article was also triggering on a personal level. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder about a year ago, but likely had it from childhood having grown up in a deeply toxic household. When, finally, as an autonomous adult, I started to seek treatment, no one pushed me towards medications. My therapist and my psychiatrist didn’t even mention medication until I myself had reached a point where I felt that life was untenable. At that point, I was willing to try anything. Anything - just so I could get out of bed in the morning and do my school work and pass my exams. Medication was offered to me then and I was hesitant, but I tried it and transformed my life. I am not saying taking antidepressants “cured” me - they didn’t. But they did lift the fog a little to the point that I could do talk therapy and actually have it make an impact. I spent the whole of my childhood in and out of psychologists’ offices, like a revolving door and it made little to no impact on my mental health. In comparison, the strides I have made in the last year with the help of antidepressants have changed my life. I feel like I have a future and even when it feels like the world is in flames around me, I feel I can walk through the fire and survive. It’s not all because of the pills, but they certainly helped kick start my progress.

But from the first day that I started taking antidepressants, there were always people around me who were trying to get me to go off them, despite the improvement they saw in me. Always the constant question and nudge - Can’t you cope without them? Maybe learn new coping strategies? Have you tried yoga? Turmeric? Meditation?

Yes, yes, and yes. I have lived with this problem for 20 years. I coped with my depression for 20 years and never really lived because of it. I am not trying to say that just because antidepressants worked for me, that everyone should use them. But I am worried that my experience of people trying to take away the things that do help me is not unique and the pressure put on vulnerable people seeking treatment to just power through without help (whether pharmaceutical or therapeutic) will turn people away from trying something that may help them. Hari dangerously veers toward this perspective, adding additional pressure on top of the extreme social pressure that treats depression like a personal weakness. Tomorrow, when I go into clinic, I am worried that there will be patients who Hari has convinced to drop their medication. Of course, no patient should take anything they feel uncomfortable with, but it frightens me that I will have to stand to the side and watch people who are slowly getting better regress because some journalist published an irresponsible and highly polarizing account to springboard his own flagging career.

And maybe I am being exceedingly paranoid about Hari’s own reasons for publication, but I can’t help but feel that this is a publicity ploy. From the monolithic, black-and-white, good-and-bad characterizations he makes of the medical community to the way he chose to sensationalize long held and accepted theories to the excessive media campaign and promotional advertising for his book, I can’t help but feel that this is yellow journalism. Hari’s own journalistic integrity has come under suspicion more than once- for plagiarism in the past as well as anonymously editing his critics’ wikipedia pages. Who’s to say this is any different?

And just one final plead. Even if you read my entire monologue and decided that it is just the over bilious nattering of a self-important windbag, please, please DO NOT STOP YOUR MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. You put yourself and you health at considerable risk stopping antidepressants immediately without tapering off. Please go and talk to your doctor (doesn’t need to be psychiatrist, primary care will do) who can help you adjust your medication regimen to your satisfaction.

*Dear G-d, the medical field is so, so far from ideal. Can you believe that it takes 8 months to make an appointment with a psychiatrist in Chicago? And that an initial 50 minute consultation costs about $400, which is likely going to be out of pocket because so many psychiatrists don’t accept insurance? And when you mention this as an ethical problem to psychiatrists they just shrug as if it isn’t in their control to accept insurances (It is. It totally is.). Don’t get me started on physicians not spending enough time with patients to explain their medications and potential side effects so they can make an informed decision, corporate structure in large hospitals, and any one of million things I could rant about.

Please, please read this response. I know it’s long, but it brings up some incredibly important points. 

And yes, PLEASE do not quit any medication cold turkey without consulting a medical doctor. There are so many things that can go wrong if you do.

The rest of this you can ignore if you want, it’s just me blathering

It is relation to this article, which I reblogged earlier today. This is a very important criticism of a topic that is near and dear to me, one where I let my emotions get in the way of my critical thinking.

I did a brief search on the author of the book, Johann Hari, and found that not only is he know for plagiarizing and hack journalism, but he has been open about having issues with drug addiction which makes me suspect that his views on medication in general might be a little biased.

I didn’t realize until a second reading that I had been internally refuting aspects of the article in my head, and how damaging it might be for people who don’t have an intimate knowledge of the medical system, or for those who already distrust it. Sometimes I forget that some of my experiences are not universal.

I’m so glad you took the time to write this, and for your willingness to share your own story.

Thank you so, so much for sending this in.

[voltage-fanfictions]

Daydream to Reality Part 3 [Yamato Kougami x Reader]

And yet another request for the continuation of this series by another anonymous reader!

“Mum, I’m fine! Really!” You couldn't help but laugh at her worried facial expression.

 “But you are attending all of your antenatal appointments, aren't you?”

 “Yes Mum, I am.” She did settle slightly, only really changing her expression when you jolted due to the baby kicking you. She looked at you with a smile coming to sit next to you and pulling you into a hug.

 “I can't believe I’ll be a grandma in a month!”

 “And I can't wait for them to get here, to be honest just being able move and sleep properly will be a blessing, not the mention bathroom breaks!” Your Mother simply joined your laughter.

 Finding out you were pregnant was something that still felt like it only happened yesterday, but here you were seven months down the line trying to wrap your head around it all. Telling your parents and the gang had gotten some rather amusing reactions, but all in all they were all extremely supportive of both you and Yamato. They were always checking if you were alright, making sure that you were taking care of yourself. Aki would regularly give you treatments to make sure you didn't feel run down, Kunihiko kept you well fed when you went to the bar and made sure you kept yourself rested, Yuta would run through his sketches with you, Ren would find effective medicines when morning sickness hit you and the rest were always willing to lend you a hand when needed.

Looking to the clock, you gasped when you noticed the time.

 “Sorry Mum, Takao’s picking me up to drop me at my appointment today. I need to get the Long Island.”

 “Not a problem, I should probably head back home now as well, do you want me to drop you off?” You shook your head, pushing yourself to your feet with a bit of effort and using the sofa behind you to gain your balance.

 “No thanks, I could use the exercise, just because I’m pregnant doesn't mean I can't walk.”

 “I know sweetheart.”

 “You might, the guys don't seem to think so though!” The two of you started laughing when she understood what you meant. It was true, all of the guys didn't like you doing much now you were so heavily pregnant, but Yamato had been surprisingly coddling about it all since the beginning, claiming that you were too klutzy to be left to be doing pretty much anything. It was rather amusing watching him run around doing the majority of the chores, but it did make you feel guilty until you got to the point where it became hard for you to bend over, then you didn't feel as bad, but still you felt it could be a bit much when he wouldn't let you get a glass of water when you were sat down of an evening, so you were taking every open opportunity to get active. With a final hug, you bid your mother farewell, locking the door behind you as you made your way slowly towards Long Island.

 When you arrived, about forty-five minutes later and out of breath, you took a few minutes to sit down at the bar to try and take the weight off your feet. The noise you made in both arriving and seating yourself drew Kunihiko from the back of the bar, noticing you perched on the bar stool, he disappeared into the kitchen, returning a couple of minutes later with a fruit smoothie and glass of water in hand.

 “Thanks Uncle.” You grinned, draining the water the moment you were presented it before beginning to sip on the smoothie.

 "No problem, so how are you holding up?”

 “About as well as you’d expect really. Not really getting the luxury of sleep anymore but I can't say I wasn't expecting it.” You laughed.

 With a soft smile, Kunihiko came around the bar, placing a comforting hand on your head.

 “I would help with that if I could, but I don't think there’s much I can do.”

 “Oh god, don't you starting feeling bad about it! You should see the look on Yamato’s face whenever he wakes up and I haven't slept!”

 “I can imagine.” Your conversation was cut off there when the bell sounded, signalling Takao’s arrival.

 “Sorry I’m a bit late, are you ok to go now?” He questioned. You nodded in response, finishing off the smoothie and pushing the glass back towards Kunihiko.

 “Sorry Uncle, gotta dash!”

 “I don't think dash is quite the word for it, but see you later.” Sticking out your tongue as you left, you got into the car with a little bit of effort and strapped yourself in.

 It only took about twenty minutes to get you to the clinic, and you were grateful when you arrived, your back was screaming at you. With Takao’s assistance you managed to find your footing rather quickly and began to make your way to the clinic at a slow pace. Once you made it inside Takao sat you down on one of the waiting seats before heading over to sign you in, when he finished he headed back over to you.

 "Sorry, I need to head back to work now, are you sure you’ll be ok?” You gave him a bright smile.

 “I’ll be fine Takao, Yamato will be here soon anyway. Thanks for dropping me off!”

 “Not a problem, I hope everything’s alright.” He rested a hand on your shoulder before removing it and heading towards the exit, turn back just before he was out of the door to give a small wave before finally disappearing from sight.

 After a few minutes of waiting, one of the nurses approached you.

 “Can you please come with me Mrs. Kougami, we need to do a couple of tests before you see the doctor.” You nodded and got to your feet with her assistance, you knew what tests were going to be carried out, it wasn't your first appointment after all.

 "Is your husband not coming today?” She queried.

 “He is, he just had to wait until lunch at school, so he should be here soon.

 “I was wondering, after all he has come to every one with you, without fail.”

 “Yeah, he's been really great with it all. Almost makes me feel bad about the tossing and turning at night and the complaining about headaches.”

 The conversation tapered off after that, when you stopped in front of the toilet door. The nurse handed you a bottle.

 “A seasoned pro at this, huh?” You grinned in response.

 “Guess I am now!”

 “As soon as you're done, come through.” She motioned to the next door along and you nodded.

 “Sure thing, I’ll be a few minutes.”

 “Not a problem.”

 As promised you were only a little while sorting the sample, and then you were walked through the normal routine, height, weight, blood pressure and the like. Once that was finished and you exited the room, you stopped noticing your husband sat it one of the chairs next to the room.

 “Yamato.” You stopped, stepping a bit closer to him and narrowed your eyes. “Are you out of breath? You didn't run the whole way here from the car park did you?”

 “No, I just happened to walk rather fast is all.” You couldn't help but laugh at his stubbornness and refusal to admit when he did something he deemed ‘embarrassing”.

 “Sure thing Sweetie, whatever you say.” And before he could retort, the nurse popped her head out of the room.

 “Mrs. Kougami, the doctor will see you in Clinic 2, the regular room.”

 “Ok, let’s go Pouty.” As he walked ahead of you, you tried to run to keep up before he slowed down his pace to match yours.

 “You know you don't have to come every time.” You question, he just shrugged in response.

 “I know, I just want to know everything's ok. It's quicker to come with you, and knowing you, you’d probably forget what the doctor said before you had a chance to tell me.”

 “What?! I'm not that bad!”

 “Oh really?”

 “Shut up, I’m pregnant!”

 “That's been your argument for everything for the past eight months.”

 “And it’ll stay my excuse until this baby is born, I’m milking it to the last drop!” You declared, causing Yamato to laugh at you as he opened the door to the room. The doctor looked up, and with a smile beckoned you both inside.

 “Mr and Mrs Kougami?” He checked, to which you nodded. “It's good to see you both.”

 “Not like we’d ever miss one.” Yamato shrugged

 “Yes, this’ll be one of your last appointments I see.”

 “And I can't wait for them to finally get here.” You groaned. He nodded in understanding before flipping open the folder in front of him that contained the information from the earlier tests.

 “Well, Mrs. Kougami. Both your blood pressure is high and you do have protein in your urine sample.”

 “And what does that mean?”

 “Can I ask if you’ve had any headaches recently, dizziness or swelling?”

 “I’ve had a couple of bad headaches.”

 "It appears you may have preeclampsia. The proteins and blood pressure are enough for me to want to hospitalise you for monitoring.”

 “Wait, what?”

 “I am going to recommend that you are hospitalised immediately, as a precautionary measure to make sure that you don't develop any more symptoms and to try and help reduce your levels.”

You sat in shock for a moment before Yamato spoke up.

 “She's not in any danger right? Or the baby?”

 “It doesn't pose any immediate threat, but if her blood pressure and protein readings go up much more then there is a risk on eclampsia. By monitoring her condition we can try to stop that happening.”

 The next few hours went by in a bit of a blur, you were ushered back out into the waiting room until they were able to find a bed for you, at which time you were bundled into a medical gown and placed in the bed, before being hooked up to a couple of machines. While all this was happening, Yamato had been making phone calls like there was no tomorrow, but due to you still trying to take in what was going on you hadn't paid particular attention to who it was he was speaking to. Now sat by your bedside, he looked rather worried at the multiple devices ou were attached to, and the doctor and nurse now conversing at the end of your bed.

 “So, how long am I going to be here?” You asked, trying to distract yourself from the situation.

 “Mrs Kougami.” The doctor checked the name printed on the files, looking towards you got confirmation that he was correct in his pronunciation, to which you nodded.

 “You’re going to be asked to remain here until your baby is born.”

 “Wait, I’m going to be here for a month?!” You certainly weren't keen on spending that much time in hospital.

 “I'm afraid so, but it is the safest thing to do considering the circumstances. We can monitor you and will be able to react quickly if your levels rise too much.” To this you groaned, you knew they were right and that you were safest here, but that didn't make the length of time you would be spending here any easier for you to take. After explaining the basic tests they would be conducting on you, the doctor and nurse left, leaving just Yamato by your side again.

 “Yamato, didn't you only have a lunch break off?” You spoke in realisation, looking towards the clock to find that three hours had passed.

 “Yeah, but I spoke to the Headmaster, he told me to stay with you and that they would arrange cover for my classes.”

 “That was nice of them.”

 “I didn't give them much of a choice, not that they minded.” You couldn't help but chuckle at your husband’s stubborn nature.

 “Thanks Yamato, having you here has been great.”

 “I haven't done much.”

 “No, but having you here has helped my nerves settle around this.” To this he gave a soft smile.

 "Not a problem, Pouty. Come on now, it's been a long day, and you need to get some rest.”

 “Yamato, it's seven.”

 “No arguments. You've been through a lot today and the last thing you need right now is sleep deprivation.” You gave up with a sigh.

 “What about you?”

 “I'll stay here tonight.”

 “But Yamato-“ You were cut off with a look that said that there was no point in arguing, and you were too tired. So you settle down for the night, feeling Yamato rest his head on the cover near your leg.

 "Yamato." Gently shaking your resting husband, you couldn't help but giggle as he let out a cute groan and nuzzled his face further into the thin blanket of the hospital bed before he finally stirred, blinking slowly to clear his vision.

 "Hey sleepyhead." You greeted, Yamato just gave a soft glare before sitting up, his back cracking audibly to which he grunted in discomfort.

 "Morning." He returned, rubbing his eyes to clear the sleep from them. You watched as he straightened out his clothes and wrestled his hair into a respectable condition, only jumping slightly when you glanced at the clock.

 "Yamato, you need to get to work!"

 "No, I don't."

 "What are you saying, of course you do!"

 "I don't need to because the Headmaster authorised the time off, fully paid."

 "He did what?" Yamato just nodded and you couldn't help but sigh.

 "Yamato, as lovely of an offer as that is, you should go to work."

 "I can't just leave you!" To this you laughed.

 "Oh Yamato, you make it sound like I'm dying! I'm fine, and there isn't much you'll be able to do, visiting hours mean you can see me after work but you won't get much more time with me taking all that time off anyway!" He looked conflicted.

 "But what if you need me?"

 "Yamato, your students need you more right now."

 There was a moment of silence before he finally caved. Sighing, he ran his hands over his face and hair.

 "I guess trying to find a substitute for that long will be difficult, and expensive. Fine, I'll go." He got to his feet, stretching in a lethargic manner rubbing his eyes again. When he was finished, you motioned him closer, he obliged and once he was close enough you pulled his face into your hands and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

 "You go home and wash up then let the Headmaster know that his offer was very kind, but you'll stay until the baby’s here."

 Nodding, he returned your gesture and turned to the nurse who entered the room moments before.

 "Can you call me if anything happens?" The nurse smiled at him.

 "Of course we will." And giving the final fix to his disheveled suit he headed to the door.

 "I'll be by after school ok?" And reassured with your smile, he left.

 The next three weeks were exactly as you predicted. Boring. You spent all of your days hooked up to machines, being pumped full of medication to reduce your blood pressure and watching the awful daytime TV, eating the gross meals unless you were lucky enough that one of the guys managed to sneak something in for you, be it entertainment like a book or food, then the joys of the daily tests. But then the day came.

 You had done your regular tests and collapsed back into the bed with a soaring headache, you remained in the painful black of your closed eyes simply trying to will away the throbbing in your skull until the sound of footsteps echoed around your head. Cracking open one of you eyes you saw the doctor standing next to your bed.

 "What is it?" You groaned, quietening when you notice his expression.

 "Mrs Kougami, your levels have risen again, we can't put you at anymore risk. We need to induce labour now." Gripping to thin blanket in hand, you gulped. You had a feeling this was coming, the past few days there had been comments about symptoms, like your ankles swelling and the headaches but still, knowing what you were just about to go through still had you breaking out in a cold sweat.  

 "Can we wait until Yamato gets here?"

 "We'll take you across and prepare you and get a nurse to contact your husband."

 It was a bit surprising how quickly you were lead into the delivery room, probably only about twenty minutes, and you didn't have long to wait before Yamato burst through the door, followed quickly but a nurse who had quite obviously been directing him

 Only a few minutes after he made his grand entrance, labour was induced and you didn't remember much except the pain. You spent thirteen excruciating hours in labour, crushing Yamato's hand in your own when it became too much for you to bear alone. For once in his life, he was silent throughout the process, obviously trying to let you cope with the process without pressuring you.

 But finally, after those hours had passed, you were greeted with the sound of a baby's cries. You collapsed back onto the bed, covered in sweat and completely exhausted from the ordeal, tears pricking at your eyes out of both relief and joy. Soon after the baby was cleaned up, they were wrapped in a blanket and handed to you.

 "Congratulation Mr and Mrs Kougami. It's a healthy baby boy."

 You cuddled your son close to your chest, whispering softly to him.

 "Hi sweetie, I'm your Mum, and I'm so glad you're here."

 "He's so small." Yamato muttered, looking uncertain as he watched you hold him. With a chuckle, you went to hand him across to him.

 "It'll be fine, just make sure to support his head." He followed your instructions exactly, and was soon cradling the newborn and cooing at him just like you had just been, it was a rather heartwarming sight, getting to see the paternal side of your husband for the first time. However, before long, you found your eyes drooping, the demand of childbirth settling on your senses as they began to dull. Noticing your state, Yamato nodded at you.

 "It's ok, go ahead and sleep. They're keeping you in overnight just to make sure everything's ok with the two of you anyway."

 "But what about the guys?" You mumbled.

 "Don't worry about them, I'm sure they'll understand why you need to rest."

 "Ok, but what about his name?" Yamato chuckled when you said that.

 “I thought you said you would like to call a boy Seiichi?”

 “I did, but you never agreed.”  

 “Well, I think it's a brilliant name.” He whispered, gazing down at Seiichi with an expression so full of love, that for a moment you were stunned.

 “Seiichi it is then.” You smiled, an expression Yamato returned before kissing you on the forehead.

 “You were great today. Get some rest now, Seiichi and I will still be here when you wake up.” And with that instruction, you fell asleep, your thoughts and vision filled with your newborn son and husband.

[weightloss18-blog1]

904THIN.com talks about how their weight loss program is right for you

New Post has been published on https://designweightloss.com/904thin-com-talks-about-how-their-weight-loss-program-is-right-for-you/

904THIN.com talks about how their weight loss program is right for you

>> 904 THINCOM IS SWEEPING ACROSS NORTH FLORIDA

IT'S A POPULAR PROGRAM BASED ON NUTRIMOST AND THOSE WHO TAKE PART SWEAR BY IT JOINING ME IS THE DOCTOR AND HE'S BROUGHT ALONG A PATIENT AS PROOF THAT THE PROGRAM WORKS WELCOME TO THE SHOW >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME >> TELL US A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT AND WHO YOU BROUGHT WITH YOU

>> WE HAVE A TECHNOLOGY THAT WE NO LONGER HAVE TO GUESS T WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME THE AMAZING PART IS DAVID, HE'LL TELL YOU HIS STORY IN A MOMENT, IS HE WAS — H WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT HE WAS TRYING TO GET HEALTHY AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT THE PROGRAM IS ABOUT AND I'LL LET YOU FINISH THE STORY AN TALK ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW, WITH THE PROGRAM

>> DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE OVERWEIGHT AT ALL? >> I ACTUALLY WAS REALLY BORDERLINE ARMY HAD A CERTAIN STANDARD THAT YOU HAVE TO BE BEL FOR MY AGE AND FOR MY AGE ABILITY, IT WAS LIKE 24% BODY FAT I WAS AT 22 THAT'S CLOSE >> YOU WERE PUSHING IT

>> I WAS PUSHING IT BU LOSING WEIGHT WASN'T A HUGE GOAL FOR ME I MEAN, WHO DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS? BUT REALLY, JUST WANTING TO FEEL GOOD EVERY DAY WORKING FULL TIME, TAKI CARE OF THREE KIDS W VERY CHALLENGING MY WIFE IS IN THE ARMY, TOO

>> YOUR WIFE IS IN T ARMY, TOO >> SHE IS THERE SHE IS AND SHE'S BEEN GONE SINCE LAST AUGUST SO I'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF THOSE THREE AND WORKING FULL TIME >> AND DAVID W FRUSTRATED

HE'S TAKEN MEDICATIONS FOR SLEE MEDICATIONS FOR ANXIETY HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN YOU FIRST CAME IN BEFORE YOU STARTED THE PROGRAM? >> I WAS FEELING REALLY ROUGH EVERY DAY WAS A STRUGGLE GETTING OUT OF BED WAS HARD JUST TO GET OUT OF BED AND THEN A FORCING MYSELF TO GET THROUGH THE DAY, I WASN'T ABLE T PLAY WITH MY KIDS, GIVE THEM THE QUALITY TIME THEY REALLY NEEDED I WAS JUST — >> EXHAUSTED

>> EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME >> SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE BEING SUPERDAD >> TRYING MY BEST, YEAH >> BECAUSE OF OUR TECHNOLOGY, WE'RE ABLE TO SCAN DAVID WE GAVE DAVID EXACTLY WHAT HIS BODY NEEDED TO GET HIS BODY FUNCTIONING OPTIMALLY

I WOULD SAY WITHIN HOW MANY DAYS? WITHIN A WEEK OR SO YOU STARTED TO FEEL VERY DIFFERENT WOULDN'T YOU SAY? >> YEAH ABOUT A WEEK, ABOUT FIVE DAYS INTO IT, I HAD LIKE JUST AN AMAZING NIGHT OF SLEEP WHEN I WOKE UP, I FELT GOOD IT WASN'T LIKE I WAS DRAGGING OUT OF BED, YOU KNOW

LIKE I GOT UP KIND OF READY ENERGIZED ALREADY FIRST THING IN THE MORNING WITHIN A COUPLE OF WEEB KS, STARTED WAKING UP BEFORE MY ALARM WENT OFF AND READY T CONQUER THE DAY ENERGY LEVELS HAVE BEEN THERE SINCE >> LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT THE OTHER MEDICATIONS THAT YOU HAD BEEN TAKING PRIOR TO COMING INTO THE PROGRAM

YOU WERE TAKING AN ANTI-DEPRESS ANT ORANTI-ANXIETY? >> ANTI-ANXIETY MEDICINE, YEAH MY WIFE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE CARETAKER AT HOME SHE JUST JOINED THE ARMY LAST AUGUST FOR ME, MY MAIN RESPONSIBILITY WAS THE ARMY AND SERVING M COUNTRY MY WIFE TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING ELSE

SHE TOOK CARE OF THE BILLD COOKED DINNERS, WENT GROCERY SHOPPING, DID THE LAUNDRY, CLEAN THE HOUSE, SHE DID ALL OF THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE LE AND ALL OF THIS LEFT TO ME IT WAS LIKE, OVERWHELMING I WAS REALLY STRESSED OUT AND DURING THE DAY, I WAS HAVING LIKE ALMOST LIKE PANIC ATTACKS THINKING ABOUT EVERYTHING I HAD TO DO AT HOME AND WORK SO I DID START TAKING IT >> WHAT KIND OF MEDICATION DID THEY GIVE YOU? >> IT WAS LIKE SIMILAR TO XANAX

IT WAS A MILD DOS >> ARE YOU STILL TAKING THOSE NOW? >> NO I ACTUALLY QUIT WHEN I WENT ON YOUR PROGRAM BECAUSE I WANTED TO DO THIS >> YOU WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE DOING EVERYTHING SOMETIMES I KNOW WE'VE HAD PEOPLE ON STOPPING MEDICATION THAT YOUR BODY IS USED TO, REALLY NEEDS TO BE TAPERED OFF AND TAPERED DOW >> WE DON'T TELL ANYBODY TO COME OFF THE MEDICATIONS >> I DIDN'T RECOMMEND IT

>> THERE ARE MEDICAL DOCTORS AND THEY FIGURE IT ALL OUT ON THEIR OWN ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT DAVID WAS, HE HAD A PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST THAT HE HAS TO GO THROUGH DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH THAT? >> SURE WHEN I G ONTO THE PROGRAM, I HAD THIS BIG PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST COMING UP, ONE OF THE BIGGEST IN MY CAREER A PROMOTION HUNG IN THE BALANCE FOR ME

40 DAYS INTO THE PROGRAM, AFTER I COME OFF THE PROGRAM, I HAD 30 DAYS TO TRAIN FOR THIS PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST AND IMPROVED MY SCORE ALMOST 100 POINTS WHICH MAY NOT MEAN MUCH TO MOST PEOPLE OUT THERE, BUT IN THE ARMY, THAT IS UNPRECEDENTED IT'S PHENOMENAL ONE OF MY BOSSES OF MY CHAIN OF COMMAND SAID SOMETHING ABOUT GIVING ME A DRUG TEST BECAUSE I HAD MADE SUCH A VAST IMPROVEMENT I WENT FROM RUNNING TWO MILE IN 16 MINUTES DOWN TO11:54 LIKE BEFORE AND AFTER THE PROGRAM IT WAS HUGE IMPROVEMENT >> AND THAT'S FASTER THAN YOU WERE IN YOUR 20s

>> WHEN I FIRST JOINED T ARMY AFTER BASIC TRAINING, SOME OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE TRAINING YOU EVER GET IN T ARMY RIGHT OFF THE BAT, I WAS RUNNING AT 12:55 AT 20 YEARS OLD NOW I'M 31, RUNNING 11:54 WHICH IS THE BEST TWO MILE TIME IN MY ENTI BATTALION WHICH REACHES FROM SAVANNAH GEORGIA DAYTONA I HAVE SO MUCH MORE ENERGY I CAN GO FURTHER, I CAN GO FASTER AND I RECOVER SO MUCH FASTER >> YOU'RE GOING TO BE STRONGER, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE MORE ENDURANCE

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE MORE ENERGY YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP BETTER YOUR MOOD IS DIFFERENT YOUR CRAVINGS ARE DIFFERENT YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T LOOK AT FOOD THE SAME WAY

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT >> WE KNOW THAT SO IT TRANSFORMS YOUR ENTIRE LIFE THAT'S WHY WE LET PEOPLE KNOW, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK BECAUSE WE GET T THE CORE OF THE HUMAN BEING AND WE TRANSFORM THE HUMAN BEING FROM THE CORE YOU CAN SEE THE RESULT

HE LOOKS FANTASTIC, FEELS FANTASTIC >> LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SPECIAL OFFER YOU WANT TO PASS ALONG TODAY >> WHAT I RECOMMEND FOR ANYBODY WHO WANTS A MASSIVE TRANSFORMATION, GO TO 904 THINCOM WE HAVE TONS OF TESTIMONIALS ON THERE

YOU CAN TAKE A LOOK AT DAVID' TRANSFORMATION AS WELL AND WE'RE OFFERING A SPECIAL NORMALLY IT'S $99 IT'S ONLY $27 YOU CAN COME ON IN, DO YOUR BODY COMPOSITION ANALYSIS, SIT DOWN WITH ONE OF THE HEALTH COACHES >> JUST MENTION LOOK LOCAL AND THEY SAW YOU RIGHT HERE

>> YES IN FACT, WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, BECAUSE OF DAVID AND BECAUSE HE'S A MILITARY FAMILY, WE'RE GOING TO DONATE 100% OF THE $27 FOR ANYBODY THA MENTIONS "LOOK LOCAL" WE'RE GOING TO TAKE 100% AND DONATE TO BOOTS ON THE GROUND AND THIS IS A FANTASTIC ORGANIZATION >> I KNOW A LOT ABOUT THAT >> DAVID RECOMMENDED IT AND THEY BRING CHRISTMAS GIFTS TO SOLDIERS WHILE ON THE GROUND

IT REALLY CHANGES THEIR WHOLE LIFE SO WE'RE GOING TO DO THAT >> I THINK THAT'S GREAT ALL RIGHT THANK YOU BOTH FOR COMING IN TODAY >> THANKS FOR HAVING US

>> UP NEXT, ORANGE PARK MEDICAL CENTER WILL HAVE A DOCTOR AND A HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR IN TO SPEAK ABOUT T FACILITY PLUS THE PREMIER BRIDAL EXPO I TAKING PLACE THIS WEEKEND AT THE PRIME OSBOURNE CONVENTION CENTER IT'S A GREAT WAY TO SEE THE LATEST FASHIONS AND HAVE FUN AT THE SAME TIME FOR MORE INFORMATION, YOU CAN LOG ON TO THE WEB ADDRESS ON YOUR SCREEN

[traitorwhoyoulove]

The Thing About Pre Med

I finished this startlingly fast. I wasn’t planning on posting this until tomorrow afternoon, but why not? Happy Bellarke Day!

The thing about being pre-med is that people think you know stuff. They think they can come up to you and tell you about the cough they’ve had that just won’t go away, or ask about the weird tingling sensation they get on the back of their knee and just expect you to be able to tell them exactly what’s wrong with them. And sure, you can probably tell them that the trapezius muscle is innervated by the spinal accessory nerve or that hemoglobin has a quaternary structure made up of four polypeptides that each interact with an iron atom that gives it the ability to carry oxygen through the bloodstream. But at the end of the day, you don’t know shit about medicine.

Which is why Clarke feels more than a little bit panicked when her friends start treating her like their personal doctor.

It doesn’t start out as a big thing: Monty picked up a cold after their friends had spent a late night out in the cold drinking cheap liquor in a field off campus. He had come to her a couple of days later asking about the best cold meds to buy from the CVS down the street, and Clarke had advised him to pick up the generic brand after extensive assurance that yes, they really were the same thing and to buy some kind of sports drink to replenish his electrolyte levels.

Somehow word had gotten around. Before she knew it, Raven was asking her how best to bandage the blisters on her hands from the wrenches she used for her part-time job as a mechanic, and Jasper was flashing his bare ass wanting to know what kind of rash he had and whether he needed to see a doctor (she didn’t even want to begin to relive that one).

“This is getting out of hand,” she huffs to Bellamy one after relaying the story of Harper’s weird mole-ish thing (she had no idea what it was, to be honest) she had shown to Clarke with a few days prior. She takes a long sip from the coffee she’d ordered when they arrived, watching the corners of his eyes crinkle with humor as he fiddles with the napkins on their table and struggles to subdue a grin.

“Not so easy being Dr. Clarke?”

“That’s the problem,” she groans, fingers tangling into the roots of her hair and letting out a frustrated sigh, “I’m not a doctor. I’m a sophomore. In undergrad. I know nothing.” She lets her head fall pathetically onto the table, shielding her face with her arms like a petulant child.

“Good thing you’re paying so much money for such a quality education,” he teases.

Her head snaps back up to meet his smirking gaze. “You do realize it takes eight fucking years to become a doctor, right? And even after that there’s still three to ten years of more training in residency. I’m, like, 15% of the way done. If that.”

He tears off the corner of the croissant that sits on the plate in front of her, ignoring her noises of protest, and deadpans, “You’re practically an ignoramus.”

“Exactly,” she says, ignoring his sarcastic tone. “If this were drivers’ ed and I was only 15% done, I’d still be reading the damn handbook. They wouldn’t even let me near a car. But suddenly it’s okay for me to be making life and death decisions about a person’s body?”

Bellamy scoffs. “Okay, Princess, I feel like that might be a bit melodramatic. It’s not like you know absolutely nothing. What about that time Miller told you about that earache he was having, and you told him it was an infection he should probably get checked out? You were right, and he ended up avoiding a trip to the emergency room because of it.”

“Lucky guess,” she shrugs, fingers drumming a light rhythm on the lid of her coffee cup.

“Or that time that kid had that seizure in the student union? You were the only one there who knew to turn him onto his side.”

She rolls her eyes. “Please. That’s basic stuff everyone learns when they’re kids. No different than ‘stop, drop, and roll.’”

“What the hell kind of elementary school did you go to?”

She stifles a snicker, ignoring the slight heat rising to her cheeks. It was nice to know that her best friend had faith in her, even if she didn’t. “When my mom worked all the time, the only way I could really spend time with her was to shadow her around the hospital,” she says with a shrug. “You pick up a few things. I spent my eighth birthday learning the proper technique for wrapping a sprained ankle.”

“See?” Bellamy quips, gesturing vaguely with his cup, “You already knew more than the average adult by the time you’d finished the second grade.”

She lets out a breathy laugh, one hand reaching up to tug absentmindedly at the ends of her blonde waves. “I don’t know. I just—I’m terrified of getting it wrong, you know?” She traces the letters of her name written on the coffee cup in front of her with a finger, focusing far more attentively than the task requires. “What if someone comes to me with something and I tell them that they’re fine, and it turns out to be something really bad? What if I miss it?”

“You won’t.”

She finally glances up at Bellamy. His eyes bore into hers with an intensity and confidence that makes the tension in her shoulders soften. “You don’t know that.”

“I do,” he says firmly, his hand reaching across the table to rest on the hand still mechanically tracing the black-inked ‘C’ on her cup. “You won’t miss it.”

A few weeks later, everyone piles around the tiny laptop screen in Raven’s tiny dorm room in a halfhearted attempt of a movie night.

“This,” Jasper whines, “was the worst idea ever. Raven, why didn’t you bring a TV to college like a normal person?”

“I think the better question is why did we choose to have a movie night in the one room that doesn’t have a TV?” Clarke grumbles from her spot on the floor between Harper and Bellamy, adjusting her shoulders in an attempt to find a more comfortable position against the wall behind her.

A chorus of dissent travels across the group as Monty urgently shushes them with an insistent, “Shut up, this is the best part!”

They continue like that for a while, making jokes about the ridiculous dialogue and terrible acting between someone’s complaints that they can’t see or hear the movie, all the while with Monty grumbling that they’re ‘ruining his favorite movie’ and that they ‘shouldn’t even have a movie night if no one’s going to watch.’

They’re a little over an hour in when Clarke realizes Bellamy has been notably quiet.

“Hey,” she whispers, playfully knocking her knee into his own, “you okay? You haven’t bitched about the historical inaccuracies once during this entire movie.”

“I’m fine.”

She bristles at his short tone, feeling him tense next to her as he leans his head back against the wall behind them. She waits for him to say more, but no response comes.

“You sure?”

His eyes close as she scrutinizes him. She watches his jaw tighten.

“Yeah,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’ve just had a headache all day. No big deal.”

She pats his knee apologetically and turns back to the movie. Her attention for the remainder of the night switches between the atrocity of a film on the tiny screen and making sure Bellamy is okay. He doesn’t say anything else, but she notices that his jaw is still ticking and his eyes are still closed when she checks on him.

When the movie finally ends, the group lets out a resounding sigh of relief as Raven cheers, “Thank God!” The next half hour is a blur of people gathering their respective pillows and blankets as they issue sleepy ‘goodnights’ and ‘drive safes.’ Clarke sees Bellamy say a quick goodbye to Raven and slip quietly out the door. She hurries behind him to catch up to his long strides.

“Bellamy,” she calls, speeding up her pace as he stops at the stairwell. “Are you driving home?”

He shakes his head. The previous summer, Bellamy had leased a 2-bedroom apartment just off campus to share with Octavia once she enrolled at Ark University.

“Octavia took my car to go visit Lincoln,” he tells her. “I’m just going to walk.”

She shakes her head, her stomach lilting at the idea of him walking home alone at night when he just seemed so…off.

“No, you’re not,” she insists. “My car’s right downstairs, let me drive you home.”

“I’ll be fine, Princess. It’s just a few blocks.” He turns toward the door to the stairwell, already reaching for the handle, but Clarke catches his shoulder.

“Come on. It’s really not any trouble,” she assures him. “Please?” She senses the hesitation in his stance. His already sluggish movements slow even further. She can feel him caving as she presses, “For my own peace of mind.”

He turns to her with a resigned grimace.

“Fine,” he says, rubbing his tired eyes, “but only because you said please.”

She gives him a small grin, her hand unthinkingly grazing his broad shoulders to guide him toward the door. She trails behind him down the stairs, watching him rub gingerly where his neck tapers down to his shoulders. He tilts his head slightly to the side, allowing her to see the wince that flits across his face.

“That hurt?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he says.

“That’s a yes.”

He lets out a tired chuckle. He holds the door for her as they exit the stairwell, and again as they reach the main entrance of Raven’s building. Clarke is silently thankful the parking lot outside of her own building a block away had been full when she had returned to campus earlier that day, forcing her to park just out front of the dorm she and Bellamy were leaving. Though she knows he’s doing his best to hide his discomfort, she can see the stiff way he carries himself, looking as though he’s trying to minimize as much movement as possible.

“Seriously, are you okay?” she asks when she sees his grimace as he ducks to slide into her passengers’ seat. She doesn’t miss the lilt of concern in her voice, and judging by way he turns to her with reassurance in his eyes, Bellamy doesn’t either.

“Clarke, really,” he says, “I’m fine. I think I just hurt my neck at the gym earlier today. No big deal.” The smile her gives her seems a little forced, but lets it slide, ignoring the vague anxiety at the back of her mind.

“You should ice that when you get home,” she advises. “Take some ibuprofen, too, it’ll help if there’s inflammation. And no gym tomorrow, okay?”

“Whatever you say, Dr. Clarke.”

She lets out an exasperated sigh as she pulls out of the parking lot, a smile creeping onto her face in spite of herself. She’s relieved he’s feeling well enough to tease her, even if he still doesn’t seem quite right.

“Looks like rain,” he notes, his drowsy eyes examining the sky. “Hope Octavia doesn’t stay out too late. She doesn’t need to be driving home in a storm.”

“She could always stay over at Lincoln’s.”

Clarke is fairly certain that Bellamy’s gaze would have snapped to hers had his neck not been causing him so much pain. Even still, she saw him side-eyeing her with more than a little distaste.

“That’s not funny.”

“Oh come on,” she says with a snort, “it’s a little funny.”

They fall into a companionable silence for the rest of the drive, Clarke keeping her eyes on the quickly darkening sky while Bellamy can’t seem to keep his eyes open. Though only a few minutes have passed by the time she pulls into the parking lot outside of his building, she has to call his name twice before he finally jolts awake.

“Sorry,” he says gruffly, already reaching for the seatbelt buckle. He stiffly exits the car, poking his head around the car door before shutting it. “Make sure you get back before the rain hits.”

“I will,” she assures him. “I’ll let you know I made it back okay.”

He nods, cringing at the jolt that comes along with it. He shuts the car door, turning to the staircase that leads to his floor.

Before his foot can reach the first step, Clarke rolls down her window and calls, “Hey. You’re sure you’re okay?”

He turns back to her with a weary smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I’m fine, Clarke. Scout’s honor.”

“You weren’t a Scout,” she points out, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She locks eyes with his, her tone becoming more serious. “Promise you’ll call if you need anything? Ice pack, a cheeseburger run, whatever.”

“I promise,” he says, his expression softening.

She gives a curt nod, offering a quick goodnight as she rolls up her window. As she pulls out of the parking lot, she does her best to silence the nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her that something isn’t right.

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