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#and if they do then that sucks for them and i can't control that
atiny-for-life · 1 day
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Ateez's Full Storyline Explained - Part 26
Masterlist
Golden Hour: Part 1 - Diary Entries:
Z disappeared, leaving the Z World in the hands of the Black Pirates and Thunder who established a new system in which people can choose to free themselves from the emotional control
Some choose freedom, some choose to remain under the chips' control, creating a two faction system - coexistence is possible and rather peaceful
Everyone now knows of Ateez but, instead of staying and letting themselves be celebrated, Ateez choose to leave the Z World in the hands of those who love and care for it, the ones who fought for it
With all the positive feelings still lingering in them, they dream together once again
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Hongjoong
Three years pass, they gather their savings, rent an affordable practice room for dancing and singing and accept this world (the A World) in which no one knows them while remembering the world in which they were heroes
However, reality is a bitch and quickly catches up to them
In a capitalistic world, it takes money to make your dreams come true and, quite quickly, that becomes apparent
They barely meet anymore, maybe once or twice a year, and even then only some of them show up (being an adult sucks)
Hongjoong misses them, wants to just spend time with them, but tries to be understanding when they turn him down or fail to come to planned hangouts
While working part time, Hongjoong continues writing in his diary which is how he eventually realizes his memories of the Z-World are fading
To ensure nothing would be lost to time, he creates a blog, documenting their journey and readers begin to pile in, asking for updates and, eventually, a publisher approaches him, offering him a book deal
With a bestseller on the market, Hongjoong gets to hold meet and greets, give lectures, appear on TV, which is how his parents find him and reconnect with him
Ultimately, he now has everything he's been craving and asking for: a family, a career, fame - he should be happy, he has it all
But alone in his room at night, he wonders:
'What is this? This emptiness...' [...] 'Is this what I truly wanted?'
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Seonghwa
Hongjoong's book is on Seonghwa's desk, looking at him
A coworker talks about how much his daughter loves it while also insulting it by essentially calling it absurd
Seonghwa can't think of a way to defend it without sounding crazy by revealing his past
Within him, there's still trauma, a world of memories burned into his retina of those poor dead brothers, the Sense Offenders' corpses hung up in the square, all the people who died at the hands of the Android Guardians - he can't forget
He sees them in the streets sometimes, familiar faces, this worlds' versions of the people who died in the Z-World
He still remembers the girl with the 'Be Free' bracelet, the girl who leads Thunder in the Z-World and wonders where she was now in his world and what she would be doing if she were in his position
Figuring she'd tell him to save himself so he could save others, he began focusing on studying, learning about ways to help which helped calm his anxiety, which is how he stumbles upon material regarding an upcoming Candidate Physical Ability Test for the firefighters
He passes, thanks to his regular exercise and dance regiment, knowing it wasn't what he'd dreamed of doing with his life but being able to see and feel he was doing good in the world - the results are tangible
How can he justify giving this up for the vague shared dream of being an idol?
He doesn't receive applause and cheers but he gets the heartfelt gratitude of all the ones he rescues and their families and, thanks to his appearance, he gets selected as the Fire and Disaster Headquarters' yearly calendar model - the photoshoot is nothing but a reminder of the dream he once held onto so tightly
For so long, he had wanted nothing more than to be photographed and seen, but could never make that dream come true... How ironic that he could do so now, but only as a firefighter.
After leaving the set, he returns to his office and picks up Hongjoong's book - it was finally time to read it
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Yunho
In Egypt, people gather around a campfire to listen to Yunho's voice and guitar, a song which reminds one of the listeners of a novel they've recently read
While they talk, Yunho wallows in his past
Back in the Z-World, they had a clear enemy, they were united in their goal to defeat him and bring peace, but in A-World, there is no unified villain to strike down
No matter how hard they practiced and busked, he quickly realized regular meetings with all the members wouldn't be achievable for long
This world is colder than Strictland
People want fast intense stimuli, trapped in their short form content feed, no time to watch a full street performance, filming a quick clip they could post to their socials was enough before they moved on
People are apathetic - the laughter and crying comes from their phones but not themselves
Working so hard to put together a song, a choreo, a performance, and never getting spared more than a few seconds of people's time in return was painful, worse than the emotionless faces back in Z-World
Singing and dancing with the members became less and less enjoyable but, whether the others felt the same or not, he doesn't know - they never talked about it
Over time, their meetings become less frequent and his interests change - archaeology is now his prime focus
As Yunho stepped into the ancient pyramid, his thoughts ran wild. Maybe, just maybe, if he could find more otherworldly artifacts, he would be able to travel to another world and go on an adventure with the members once again.
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Yeosang
Yeosang built a fortune investing in stock, allowing him to start his own business without being forced to depend on his father
After leaving the Z-World, they all changed, from boys to adults, they had to face a new reality - art, emotions, and dreams are precious but blind belief is dangerous
In this world, art and money go hand-in-hand - while originally created for the rich and noble, new forms of art have also been used by the poor to express emotions, to rebel and protest - the art reflects the power struggle
Right now, money is the biggest obstacle between their group and achieving their dream so Yeosang decided to tackle the problem head on: he reinvented himself, becoming a leader of the investment world - profit in mind but also investing in the arts on the side, even if that meant losing money
One of those investments was Hongjoong's novel.
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San
Watching the members go their separate ways one by one was tough - San couldn't stop them but he also couldn't storm out and leave
After a lifetime of constantly moving around, he comes to think drifting may just be written in his life fortune from the start - there was no avoiding it
After another failed practice session, one where half the members hadn't even shown up, he heads out to mope and strikes up a brief conversation with an old man running a snack shop across the street
They talk about dreams, and the old man insists they're less important than sharing love, eating together, and cleaning up their own mess
The words get San thinking
He starts his own food truck and ends up in Jeju where he watches people share food with their loved ones, and gets to sometimes chat with his customers
Through meeting countless people, he quickly learns that most never got to realize their dreams
'So why didn't anyone ever teach us how to live outside of our dreams?' San thought. And he came to an answer of his own. Maybe I need to learn to welcome the reality I've been given, even if it's not the reality I wanted.
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Mingi
Despite coming from a broken home, Mingi makes it big, becoming a professional model for a fashion magazine working with high-end designers
When he first started, it was supposed to be a part-time thing, a few bucks on the side, but the magazine blew up and turned him into a high demand model by association
The runway became his stage, his face now plasters street ads and a world famous brand made him their ambassador and calls him their muse
He makes a lot of money, his memories of a childhood in poverty fading, his worries about his grandmother's medical bills a thing of the past
His social media was flooded with adoring comments, his influence far reaching, but when he sees a group of boys busk at the side of the road, he still finds himself hypnotized
At that time, Mingi was overcome with the sense that he had crossed a river he could never cross again. [...] Where Mingi stood now was a place where results and achievements trumped passion and spirit, a place where value could be bought and sold. [...] He couldn't erase that vague feeling of longing.
Opening social media to distract himself, he sees a video of Hongjoong's reunion with his family
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Wooyoung
Wooyoung is now a flight attendant (inspired by a drunk hometown friend who told him being on stage wasn't that special - people announcing sales and flight attendants were also giving performances at their jobs)
Looking back, he realizes he wasn't in his right mind when he signed up for flight attendant training, he was just desperate to be on stage somewhere, no matter where and the plane would have to do
After a long time of adrenaline fueled performances in the Z-World amidst that revolution, he now struggles to adjust to being back in the A-World - all the dopamine and adrenaline, the post performance excitement replaced with nothing but dread and anxiety
They couldn't just get back on stage and put on the kind of performances they could in the Z-World - there was no way to build a stage for yourself around here
So yes, deep in his despair, his friend's words offered him an alternative and being a flight attendant sounded like comfort to his growing fear of never being on stage again
While people normally didn't pay attention to the announcement at the start of a flight, Wooyoung's airline was looking to change things by delivering the safety warnings, destination, and flight time as a performance, a song with an accompanying dance number
Eager to volunteer and popular among customers and peers, Wooyoung turned his announcement into a show, grabbing people's attention, earning cheers from everyone
Wooyoung's eyes were drawn to a few people in the crowd who cheered and clapped louder than the rest. It just so happened that Yunho and Mingi were on the exact same plane.
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Jongho
Still enraptured by music, Jongho earns his money by recording vocal guides part-time while studying songwriting and musical composition and creating original songs by himself
In the beginning, those songs were meant for his members, giving them something to practice and record together as a group, but being an idol group eventually stopped being feasible so his songs became solos and his career singer-songwriter
He’d already been forced to sacrifice his dream of being a basketball player
He refused to give up on music too
After uploading his songs to MusicCloud for a while, a label approached him, quick to swat his dream of being an idol by asking him to write a song for their upcoming idol group since one of his older songs where he'd sung with his members had grabbed their attention
It was bittersweet but he accepted and, soon, he wasn't just a songwriter but also a vocal coach, a producer - he was okay with staying in the darkness so others could shine on stage
One day, a second year idol group he was working with got into a fight - two members yelling at each other, one wanting to quit and the other shouting about not giving up on your dreams
After several attempts, Jongho finally manages to break up the fight and one of the boys confesses to him he wants to spend more time with his family because they're going through a tough time and being away so much was painful
The conversation reminds Jongho of his fight with Mingi so long ago...
Sitting in the empty recording studio, he played that old group song and raised the volume. The sound of the members' voices pierced through his heart.
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ianthine-ichor · 9 hours
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Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick NSFW Alphabet
Masterlist
A/n: Ah yes, the obligatory NSFW Alphabet. Anyway this was done very quickly and has not been edited very much but I hope you enjoy the food anyway Gaz lovers!
Tw: NSFW. No minors beyond this point!
Aftercare - he's elite status with aftercare. In fact he's managed to make aftercare just as sexy as actually fucking. Man's is in your ear whispering sweet nothings while cleaning you up and making sure you're in the most comfortable position pressed against him so you aren't as sore. He's really all about making sure you feel like a divine deity in the bedroom.
Body part - he is a legs man, through and through. He wants to bite them, lick them, stuff his face between them, all of it. He wants to suffocate in their grip.
Control - he's pretty in control of his sex drive. He can hold himself back until you two are alone without you even noticing that he was hot and bothered.
Dirty secret - he loves surprising you with a sudden movement just to hear you gasp for him. He finds nothing is hotter than making your body jolt with pleasure.
Experience - He has a lot of experience. He's got that charming yet devilish smile down to a science at this point and he was never against a good one night stand every once in a while. That being said, there is definitely a difference between how he fucks a random person he met in a dive bar verses how he fucks his lover.
Favorite position - anywhere between your legs honestly. Sit on his face, let him suck you off or eat you out he honestly doesn't care. Just as long as he gets a taste of you.
Goofy - he's not so serious he can't laugh a bit here and there, but he's honestly just so intense and passionate that it's hard to find the humor for him sometimes. He wants to make the moment as hot as possible and that sometimes gets in the way of a good giggle.
Hair - he is very well groomed. He prides himself on a clean cut look and down there is no different.
Intimate - he is so intimate that it's honestly a little intimidating at times. He's fucking you with such slow, deep strokes, breathing hot against your neck and letting out only the most delicious moans right into you're ear. He will kiss over every inch of your body like he plans to paint the feeling of your skin against his lips by memory.
Jack off - he's not a very big fan of jacking off. He'll do it if he needs to, but it's never satisfying enough. He craves the closeness of someone else.
Kinks - he's really into blindfolds, both on him or his partner. Something about the trust of it really turns him on.
Location - he's a bedroom only type of guy. He just doesn't find the thrill in getting caught when all he wants is your attention fully on him.
Man or machine? - he absolutely loves toys in the bedroom. Anything he can use to get you twitching at a moments notice is just too good of an idea to pass up.
Nope - he doesn't like pain during sex. Now don't get him wrong, a slap on the ass is never a no, but he tries to avoid anything that leaves too many bruises or scratches the next morning. It just makes him feel a little guilty.
Oral - he's an oral man all the way. In fact the hard part is keeping his mouth off of you. He wants his mouth constantly filled with the taste of you.
Pace - slow, intense, purposeful strokes. He's always searching for the perfect angle to get your face to scrunch and your toes to curl. His pace never falters, even when he's close.
Quickie - as of now his record for successful quickies that didn't turn into full blown passionate sex is zero. He just can't help himself, he always needs more.
Risk - he's not a very big risk taker. He likes finding what works and sticking to it for the most part. But he isn't completely opposed to a little bit of thrill seeking if that's what you want.
Stamina - orally? He could fuck you all day. Dick wise? Not that impressive. He dumped all his points into oral and didn't take the time to up his dick game. Still, you won't leave the bed unsatisfied, he'll make sure of it.
Temptation - tempting him is pretty easy. Just stare at him with those pretty eyes and call him whatever pet name you've given him and he'll melt like butter at the touch of you.
Unfair - he's never unfair during sex. In fact his goal is to make sure you always end when you feel the most satisfied. He doesn't like to tease or draw things out too much. He gets you exactly where you need to be.
Vocal - just the most spine tingling, lip biting, tantalizing sounds you've ever heard in your life. He makes sure you hear how good your fucking him too, what with all the dirty little praises he keeps whispering in your ear. He's definitely more of a moaner than a talker though.
Wait - he's incredibly patient and if need be he could go a while without fucking you. However just know that when he does finally get his hands on you again you aren't getting away for at least a day or two.
Xtra - he is definitely holding your hand while he dicks you down, no questions asked.
Yearning - he's definitely the type to yearn from afar for a while before asking. He wants to make sure you have the time before he asks.
Zzz - it takes him a while to come down from the high most times, so you two often spend a while holding each other with some nice, soft pillow talk before either of you pass out.
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tf-boi · 2 days
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Maybe a story of a guy transforming his boyfriend into an almost completely inanimate mannequin, renting out his body to store while he takes his boyfriend's head and junk home, the only parts of him that are animate.
(Finally after being in my inbox for a million years~)
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"Sign here . . . and here . . . aaaaaannndd here. There we go thats everything!" A medium build man wearing some square glasses (Tom), standing by a slightly taller man (Andy). "My boyfriend is yours for two weeks." the smaller man says with a smirk.
"Babe you gotta stop saying that when you rent my body out." Andy said sighing.
A girl passes the clipboard back to Tom and giggled "Oh don't worry we'll take great care of him~". The girl walks away and returns with a box of clothes. "Just get changed into these and you'll start right away!"
Tom and Andy walk into a changing room as Andy starts stripping. "grrrrowl. . . " Tom said admiring his boyfriend.
Andy blushed "You have to be in the room while I change?"
Tom chuckled "Well we don't have too much fun when we do our thing so why not take it all in while I have you?"
Andy sighed "That's true I guess, but renting our our bodies to these popup stores does making ends meet easy. Plus the after pick-up sex is amazing too."
The two college students embrace and kiss. As Andy and Tom walks out of the changing room, the popup store manager eyed Andy and gave a nod of approval. "Okay you'll be in the front of the store soooo lets get to posing!" The three make their way to the front of the store as Andy strikes a few pose, they eventually settled on a neutral pose.
"Alright, perfect! Lets go home~" Tom said as holds Andy's hand. Andy's body started to turn a shade of grey and blue his body started shining a nice glaze like a fine plastic, his joint's becoming like a doll's. This spread until it reaches Andy's head. Tom then reaches up and puts his hands on Andy's head, that has remained the same, and gives it a nice tug as it pops off his body. "Ahh, babe!" Andy exclaimed. "Ahhh sorry don't know my own strength~" Tom chuckled, "well we can't forget this!" He reaches down Andy's pants and gives another tug as he pulls off Andy's unchanged manhood.
"Thanks for renting, we'll be back in a few weeks!" Tom said walking off.
"Hey feel free to come back if you want to loan us your body too!" The manager waved at them.
Tom and Andy make their way home, Andy's head under Tom's arm, getting a few stares from people. Some thinking its a realistic head commenting on it, but the others who are in the community looking at it lustfully. Renting out their bodies for these stores was a convenient way for them to make some money and good way for them to make new friends. As they entered Tom's apartment, many other mannequins could be seen around the apartment. Some of them are their exes, most of them willingly gave their bodies to them.
Tom set Andy's head on the bed as they both lie there watching TV. It was an awkward silence for a bit before Andy spoke up "What's up babe?"
"W-what? Nothing!" Tom stuttered.
"Please, you were quiet on the way back and you are quiet now. That only happens when something's on your mind."
"Ughhh fine. . . you always know how to read me. Remember what I said at the store? About not having fun while one of our bodies is being rented out?"
"Mhm?" Andy said interested.
"Well what if . . . we changed that?" Tom said blushing.
Andy looked intrigued now "Ohhhh what did you have in mind?"
Tom said "Well . . . well . . ." "You know what? No need to ask, just do babe. My powerless head is under your control~" Andy winked.
Tom gulped but knew Andy was serious. Tom dropped his pants and picked up his blonde prince and put his mouth against his rock hard cock. Andy knew what to do and started out with a whiff of Tom's cock. Tom's dick was smaller than Andy's but his nerdy brunette boyfriend was still packing a decent size. "Ohhh . . ." Tom moaned as Andy started to suck Tom's dick. "mmmm . . . mmmmm . . ." Andy moaned as he savored Tom's cock in his mouth. Andy suddenly felt his head being moved forward and back as Tom started to fuck Andy's head. "Ahhh ahhh" Tom moaned as he let out his inner beast. For years he's been the bottom but now he finally found a boyfriend to let him be on top. He laid face down on the bed, Andy's head still sucking on his dick as he pound's Andy's head. He moves faster and faster but couldn't hold back as he lets out a load into Andy's mouth. Andy moaning as he slurps it up. The cum flows into his head but out of his neck soaking their bed. Tom's cock retracts out of Andy's mouth and he lies next to his boyfriend.
Andy gasped for air. "That was pretty good, but I wish it could have lasted a bit longer . . ." He said with a pout.
Tom looked a bit embarrassed "Sorry it was my first time topping . . ."
"But you were great with your cock, it felt so good and hard . . . when we get my body back, this time you're definitely topping!"
"really?" Tom grinned.
"Yup . . . but first round 2" Andy said lustfully.
"But I'm out of cum . . ." Tom said confused.
"Oh you are but, my cock is ready~ And by the way babe, its my turn."
Tom was shocked by the sudden request but walked into the living room to retrieve Andy's dick. He walked back into the bedroom and gulped. Tom lied next to Andy as he used his power on himself. His body having a nice plastic sheen as he detached his dick and replaced with Andy's massive cock. He winced a bit at how much more testosterone he had as it fills him up. He was tempted to fuck his boyfriend's head again but decided to follow through with his command. Tom put his hands on his body and popped his head off placing it next to Andy. The two share many kisses as Tom's hands reaches for Andy's head and places it onto his neck stump. Instantly Tom lost control of his body as he see's Andy feel his new body.
Andy felt up his new body admiring every inch.
Tom blushed "What are you doing??"
" Just admiring my new self. Having all my muscles is great but sometimes I want to try a slimmer body you know? Besides this is the first time I had your body while you are awake."
"Awake?? How many times have you done this?"
Andy ignored this question and picked up Tom's head and started making out. Their tongues wrapped together as they moaned into eachother's mouth. Tom suddenly felt his head get pulled away as it is placed in front of Andy's rocket. Tom started to suck Andy off wrapping his tongue around Andy's meat. "Ohhh babe you know all the good spots..." Andy moaned as Tom's head serviced him. Just like Tom, Andy started to use Tom's head as a fleshlight stroking his rock hard dick with him. Tom loved being used by his boyfriend and it even aroused him knowing it has his body being used. Tom gladly played the role of a toy and pleassured his boyfriend.
Once again Tom felt himself pulled away as a new sensation filled his head. Andy had slid his cock into the bottom of Tom's neck hold and started fucking him. Tom wanted to moan but Andy's cock filled his throat. His mind went blank as he eatches his boyfriend fuck him through the neck. Tom tightened his throat to squeeze Andy's cock. From the corner of his eye, Andy saw Tom's disconnected dick had gotten hard again and he picked it up and shoved it into Tom's mouth. "Mmmmmmm mmmmm mmmm" Tom moaned as he sucks his own dick. As Andy kept fucking Tom's head Tom came into his mouth, the streams of sperm lubing his throat for Andy's still hard member. Wanting this to continue, Tom got his cock hard again and kept sucking himself off. He came several more times until he felt it. Andy's cock releasing his love juices into his throat. The sensation made him cum once more as pools of cum pour out of both ends of his body. As they finished cumming Andy leaned back on the back of the bed a bit too hard and his head pops off Tom's body landing next to his boyfriend covered in their cum.
"That was amazing babe! We should definately do this more often." Andy said.
Tom didn't respond. His mind completely blanked out.
Andy still in control of Tom's body picks himself up and reattaches himself to Tom's body. "Well guess we went a little too hard..." Andy picks up Tom's head by the hair. "I guess its me and his body for the next couple of weeks."
Andy stared in their closet filled with their exes petrified bodies. "Well maybe I'll give our exes' body a spin too so it won't just our cocks being shoved in you~" Andy says picking out a body for round three.
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torchickentacos · 11 months
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current skill I'm working on is called 'stop it' where, once I start overthinking about my hobbies to the point of them not being fun, I stop them for a bit. it's not going great so far but we're working on it
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tapedsleeves · 2 months
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ever since i was a small child the adults around me have treated any boundaries i set as me being a selfish bitch and i think that definitely did something to me
#vent#like when i first developed my lovely ocd (i was 11ish) everyone was very pissed at me because since i needed things in life#to be a specific way and i had no choice but to live with people and when they did things that directly interfered with how i needed#things to be i'd get upset and every once in a while ppl will keep complaining like oh we have to do everything you want you're so#selfish and rude and we're just expected to do what you want and why should we well fuck y'all if you want to stop working with me#on this then i'm literally going to make your life hell because i expect the BARE MINIMUM respect to not directly mess with my boundaries#which have lessened over time like literally i've been getting better i know it's been a long time coming but i am not nearly as distressed#by some things anymore but to these fuckers they just thing i'm being controlling and rude and i make their lives miserable because i#need them to not touch my stuff and i need to be driven places and i can only eat certain foods that i make myself and i cannot#help with some chores without freaking out and to them that just means that i'm a parasite that is being controlling and bitchy when they#decide that actually they shouldn't help me when i can't do something or that no they shouldn't respect my boundaries or whatever#like idk i know i'm not a super nice person but i'm not trying to ruin everyone's life just to stay sane and like. i didn't ask to be born#i didn't ask to be born into this family i didn't ask to be fucked in the head i didn't ask for any of this but my mother? she decided to#have kids and it's not my fault she wasn't prepared for them all to be fucked up and it's not my fault that she doesn't believe in mental#illnesses and she just thinks that being depressed or having adhd means you're just lazy or having ocd means you're just being controlling#and that you can stop anytime or that having autism (which there is a chance that a couple of us do) means that you're just acting#out for no reason and don't want to behave like i know she thinks i'm a selfish bitch (she was very vocal abt that today) but i think it's#also pretty selfish to help fuck up your own kids and expect them to turn out all right and when they don't you just get mad at them for no#being perfect. like she just wants us to be normal i know she does that's why she doesn't like mental illnesses/disorders and shit that's#why she's transphobic i get it she wants us to be normal but guess fucking what we aren't and her attitude doesn't help like i know she has#done a lot for me but even when she's helping she likes to threaten to take it all away she used to threatened to stop driving me to#school when i just got in college at 15 or so and threatened to send me away bc she thought i was faking my ocd and it fucked me up y'know?#like i don't like that her helping me is conditional on whether she likes me at the moment because a lot of the times she doesn't like me i#when i was very mentally ill or depressed/suicidal/dying from a fucking eating disorder like i know she's helped me i know she's done a#lot for me that she says she went farther out of her way for than she should've and i know i'm fucking difficult but still i don't like#being called a fucking selfish bitch for asking for the people i can't fucking get away from to respect what i need so i don't break down#like sorry if that's too much for you but i;m also not a fucking pushover and have never been and i know that pisses her off but whatever#and like i know i'm not totally in the right i know i'm not nice and i can be a bitch and i'm unhelpful and nasty sometimes but i'd rather#be blamed for being unpleasant than only caring about myself because i want to feel safe and yeah i can admit that often i do only#care about myself but that's because i genuinely hate some of these ppl sometimes and why should i care? they suck idk vent over
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midnightwind · 2 months
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shout out to a guy I was friends with in high school who invited me to hang out at his place to play Halo who proceeded to do 0 things to help me, a person who openly stated they never played the game let alone shooters, find enjoyment or weapon spawns or Anything and spent like 4 hours sniping me from across the map then wondered why I never came back unless the other token girl was coming along
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cephalog0d · 9 months
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Me: I'm not going to keep reading Gotham War as it releases, I'll just wait until it's over and just get angry once at the end instead of being angry every week.
Also me: *does not do that, keeps reading the garbage fire, keeps getting angry*
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magentagalaxies · 3 months
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the saga of my newly fucked up sleep schedule is apparently not over!! even tho i did get a normal 8 hours last night i was in a show today and when that wrapped and i got back to my dorm at like 4:30-ish i decided to take a quick nap which turned into me waking up at almost NINE PM
on the plus side i'm fairly sure i lucid dreamed a couple of times during the nap so that's a plus
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cosmic-kaden · 2 months
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Please. Tag. Your. Vague. Posts. 🙃
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steakout-05 · 3 months
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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P
additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly
#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it#and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website#as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered#also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it#this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious#i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles#it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point#be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying#and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo#if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like#trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you#social anxiety#anxiety disorder#i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me#anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y
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perilegs · 5 months
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i wish universal music group a very die
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kanansdume · 2 years
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I’m loving the way Ezra’s long-running arc of his connection to animals is a physical manifestation of his connection to the FORCE.
He struggles with connecting to a loth cat in the first season because he’s still at the beginning of his training for one, but also because he’s struggling with his anger towards what happened to his parents. He’s too focused on the past, not on the here and now OR the future. He’s honed in on himself and his own problems and hasn’t quite connected himself to the bigger picture, to the galaxy at large, yet. He’s learning to give of himself to help strangers already, but that’s something that seems to have already sort-of been ingrained in him, he just had to set it to the side in order to survive on the streets for 8 years. But the connection to his part in a greater universe? He doesn’t have that, yet. And he can’t calm a loth cat.
But later, we know he manages to connect to these beings SO much greater than himself that seem intimately connected to the Force and the galaxy itself. Both the loth wolves and the purrgils showcase both Ezra’s connection to the Force and his connection to the galaxy at large. They strong connection he has with them, the way they’re almost ATTRACTED to him, showcases how much Ezra’s grown and just how much more aware he is of his place within the galaxy and his acceptance of that. They flock to him because the Force does, because Ezra lets it flow through him SO MUCH. He may not be a part of the great Skywalker Saga in the way Luke or Leia are, he is part of a different story, but their story doesn’t exist without his, either. His story is just as important, HE is just as important, but he’s also just one speck in a story being told over millennia. The story of the Force, the story of the Jedi. He’s important because of who he is, but not more or less important than anyone else.
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ngl it feels pretty frustrating to be hungry and answering phones and taking messages and having no idea when you will get to take lunch with literally no fucking person around to ask!!!
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gideonisms · 2 years
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my fear of roaches is so severe now....yes I CAN grab them with a paper towel and throw them outside without breaking a sweat and yes I AM the bug catcher in most of my living situations but I'm dying inside and if a hot girl WANTED to fall in love with me and catch them for me from now on I would Not say no
#:/#my heart rate is still coming down. i'm at my aunt's so i don't have my tent so i'm just 🤢🤢😱💀#everyone else thinks i should squish them but the sound ...no. urhghgghhhh#well and also i have a thing about unsavory awful disgusting forms of life and how you know. we are all that to someone or something and#who am i really to kill things unnecessarily for walking in the wrong place#sometimes you have to like at my apartment it had to be a battle ground bc it was them or me but u know.#off the point off the point#i have to leave this state this country this universe this galaxy. goodbye#i simply cannot be here under these conditions (saw scary bug)!!! and i'm not happy!!!#also having weird feelings abt time with my family that i chose like it wasn't mandatory for me to be here and i did want to hang out#but i'm just feeling distant & off bc i'm so different than them ig? and my beliefs clash so much and it feels bad not to say anything#but i just can't think of anything to say that would be constructive sometimes#so it's like they'll make comments i don't love but that are kind of on the edge where it's like. how do i adress this it's just a joke or#like sometimes it's not but it's something so deeply tied to their whole belief system that like idek where to start bc#i don't really want them to change their religion etc. that's something they want for me and it sucks so i'd never expect that from others#because it sucks!#but yeah when i spend time away from them it's kinda like wow y'all are the people i love and i'm not sure how i feel about that#anyway. hm. getting weird after 2 am perhaps it's time to admit defeat petition whatever deity controls roaches for some peace & go to sleep
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hiimnothere1 · 3 months
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Imagine punish a brat by tying them down and overstimming them with toys. They start off defiant and curse you while cumming a few times.
"F-Fuck you"
"I hate y-you"
"Y-You suck"
So you just sit there, keeping them nice and stimulated while they cum over and over again until they need to use you for support and start breaking.
"fuckfuckfuck"
"You're doing so good, darling. We'll keep going until you learn your lesson"
Until they start begging and apologizing for being a brat for no reason.
"pleasepleasepleaseimsorryitwonthappenagain"
When they're clearly overstimmed and tired but you just keep pushing them anyway.
"P-Please it's too much, I can't cum anymore" they'll whine and whimper
But you just keep going until they orgasm again.
"What are you talking about? You clearly can keep going, you liar"
So you punish them for "lying" to you with more overstimulation, watching them slowly spiral more out of control as their consciousness slips.
Completely an imaginary situation though
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