#and ig this is a question everyone wrestles with right?

[firendgold]

Ok so bc anything i do in this fandon is specifically to piss that woman off, i gotta ask:

Do you have any ideas for fic scenarios for trans!albus and/or trans!Harry? (time travel harrydore or not, you pick)

so funny story anon, my instinctual answer for this question was "no, I've never thought about it, sorry"—but as I was writing that reply a while back, I actually started getting ideas. It was wild. (That's also why this took so long to get out, sorry!)

trans!Albus is easier for me to imagine for some reason. I had this idea where his entire early life could be rewritten just to do a deep dive into the Dumbledore family dynamics when the firstborn prodigy half-blood son is AFAB instead. How that might change Percival's actions on Ariana's behalf (or not), if he doesn't have any thoughts in the back of his mind about leaving his family in his "eldest son's" hands. How that could change the rivalry between Albus and Aberforth, who might not be super tolerant of an uppity older sister who's also queer. We still don't know much about Kendra somehow, after 1 billion years of Pottermore, but whether or not she's accepting of Albus' gender identity and sexuality could be their own spin-off fanfics, they're that fascinating. Her own Native history could then be touched on as well.

All these things together could be a point of personal conflict for Albus, who's already a living embodiment of a taboo Native/European union and might have to wrestle with what's accepted from him as a Good and Proper Woman of English society re: marriage and carrying on some (other) pureblood's line, along with protecting Ariana's secret and "making up" for his father's crimes.

I don't know if Albus' sexuality changes. If it doesn't, I can see him being briefly confused about What Elphias Is To Him when he gets older, and Elphias is getting his own messages from home about How Much Time He's Spending With That Dumbledore Girl. I imagine there would be a lot of conversations between Albus and Kendra, and Albus and other peers, about who he was going to marry and what his "prospects" were since his father's a known criminal. And Albus, beyond not identifying as a girl at all, would find all this discussion about such trivial sexist matters frustrating as hell.

Unfortunately, I see everyone at Hogwarts misgendering Albus while he's a student, or pretty much everyone. Like, he eventually tells Elphias who accepts right away (and is confused about What That Means for Him in private), and maybe a few other students, but none of his professors are Getting It. His stellar academic record probably keeps him from being bullied as much, but doesn't entirely protect him from rampant transmisogyny and slurs when he outperforms people.

But regardless, assuming the "major beats" of history play out the same way, I can see Albus being a lot more proactive re: marginalized rights than he already was in canon, and perhaps moving the overall British Society Needle way further to the left, because it's one thing to talk shit about the powerful, progressive, weird old man that no one really knows is gay but can kick your arse without breathing hard, but another thing entirely to talk shit about your trans, out and proud, progressive Supreme Mugwump who has already freed all the elves, speaks all the magical creature/Being languages, is raising your kids at school better than you are at home, AND is still gay and can still kick your arse without breathing hard.

This is all, of course, imagining that Albus is AFAB and identifies as male. If it's the other way around and Albus is AMAB and identifies as female... I can't even imagine. I'm not cool enough ig

As for Harry, it's weird but I don't have any trans headcanons for him during his Hogwarts years. It's kind of similar to how I don't read many genderbent!Harry fics unless I adore the author, because even though I'm a girl I can't imagine Harry IDing as one for some reason. (I'm very limited, I know.) BUT. For some reason this changes when you bring in time travel harrydore.

With the ship as the parameter, I can imagine an AFAB Harry who's spent his whole life chafing at the clothes Aunt Petunia gets him—because 'unfortunately' (for her), even pre-puberty, she can't just give Harry Dudley's cast-offs unless she wants The Neighbors to start lifting eyebrows and asking questions—because they're girl clothes and along with just not fitting in to the Pristine Pretentious Family with her messy hair and tight clothes and taped-up glasses, Harry has never felt like a girl. He insisted on having people call him 'Harry' as soon as he could talk and get away with it, and only has to hear his deadname from his teachers and with the Dursleys.

This all of course changes once McGonagall is reading names on the Sorting List in 1991 and just barely doesn't stumble over Harry's preferred name being on the list instead. (She is surprised only because Harry is famous. By the time Harry goes to school, there have been many other out trans students in this headcanon. But probably very few under her eye have been quite this famous.)

I've always personally headcanoned Harry as bisexual, but I don't know if that would be the case in this particular headcanon. I can still see him going after Cho, and perhaps even Ginny. I can see him having the same confusion about What Are Ron and I To Each Other that a trans!Albus had about Elphias a century ago, without ever living his Hogwarts life as a girl to anyone but his enemies (and having a lot of friction with canon!Hermione and/or Lavender as a result). I can see Draco hating Harry even more, because he always kept "her" in the back of his mind as a Dark Lady he could serve under in all ways, only to have this... boy being his rival and Quidditch better and wanting absolutely nothing to do with the Malfoys or purebloods or knowing her place.

A thought that sticks in the back of my mind is that JKR (otherwise known by me as That Woman (derogatory)) specifically wrote Harry as a boy for a lot of reasons, and the main one being that she always planned for him to live and pass on his line in the "traditional" way, and having her titular character be a girlboss would've derailed that status quo. In a universe where Harry is AFAB, I can imagine a lot of related conversations with and around Harry about this. How "she" is "the last Potter" that there will ever be, because naturally she'll marry into one of the families and the name will be lost forever. I can see this being a real bone of contention with Harry and radicalizing him, along with Voldemort and the discrimination against werewolves and house-elves and centaurs and veela (which I doubt even one dedicated Dumbledore would be able to get rid of), making him take his place as the next generation leftist magical powerhouse.

And so how does all that change his relationship with Dumbledore? I... don't really see it changing much. If both characters are trans, that's another point of connection for them that bonds them through all the mess the government and society puts them through. It makes Albus a figure for Harry to admire as a young boy ("look, the most powerful wizard in the world is just like me!") and to still anguish about as a young man ("all the choices he made that I don't agree with, all the secrets he kept from me, how do I know I won't make the same mistakes or make no better progress than he did?"). Their relationship could be all the more painful or distant if one of them is out and one is in the closet, like an Albus who never came out or transitioned and is seeing in Harry the upright boy he could have been, or if Harry is resentful of Albus living his truth because he, a knobbly-kneed adolescent girl, doesn't have the power, freedom, or influence to be who he truly wants to be.

But focus! I'm focusing! Time travel Harrydore. The specific scenario I was imagining was one where AFAB Harry never comes out to the general public. His loved ones who are his peers know, but all the adults in his life (yes, including Remus and Sirius) never get to meet him properly. They die thinking of him as "James' daughter". And after defeating Voldemort, Harry just can't take the idea of spending any more time not being the person he wants to be. He's done being the Girl-Who-Lived so he writes goodbye letters to Ron and Hermione and does some ancient ritual without anyone knowing, and instead of changing him at the molecular level it flings him back to the past.

And so unlike a lot of time travel fics (including mine lol) where Harry is grieving his true time and desperate to get back home, this Harry misses his friends terribly, but it doesn't take long for him to see being an unknown in a different time as a golden opportunity. Sure, it would have been better if he'd been flung into the future instead and maybe had more tolerant people instead of less, but no one knows who he's "supposed" to be here. So he can grow into the man he truly is!

And so while Harry is setting up his new life for himself (maybe as some personal tutor, or a backup Quidditch player, or something that keeps him out of the limelight for once?), he runs into trans!Albus who doesn't have many friends and not much else going on for him (depending on who or where Grindelwald is right then), and Harry's nervous but they hit it off and become close friends, and one thing leads to another, and...

*cackles*

Also also, and sorry for sticking this all the way at the end lol, but MUCH RESPECT for hanging around in HPF just to stick in the craw of That Woman. I think I'm adopting your philosophy for the future. ^^

[weilongfu]

LianKuea - Kuea doing an IG Live for his fans, and Lian walks into it & teases him in front of all of them. 

"Hello everyone!" Kuea waved and smiled brightly into his cellphone camera. "I'm glad so many of you could make it for my Live today. I got permission from my agency to preview a few songs from my new album for you all on stream!"

Kuea watched as the messages flew across his screen with thousands of emojis.

"I'm excited too! I worked really hard with several producers to get the sound just right." Kuea noticed a few questions. "My fiance? Why are you guys asking about him?"

"Shouldn't they?" Lian asked as he stepped into view.

"Hiaaaa," Kuea whined. "You said you'd wait downstairs until I was done with my Live!"

"I did?" Kuea frowned, knowing now the startled expression on Lian's face was fake. "I must have forgotten, An-na-bell."

"Hia!" Kuea pulled a pillow into frame and began to smack Lian with it. "You promised none of that in front of my fans either!"

Kuea's Live chat went wild with hearts as Lian happily took the beating from Kuea's pillow. "Na na, hia is sorry, Nu Kuea." Lian managed to wrestle the pillow away. "Go back to previewing your songs. Hia will go wait." Lian turned to leave but not before giving the camera a wink. Kuea sneered at him in return.

"Ugh, I can't believe he..." Kuea leaned in and looked closer at the chat. "Kondiao! Why didn't you warn me he was planning to interrupt!"

Kuea read Kondiao's next message outloud. "He just wanted to be one of the first to listen to your new songs with you... Oh hia..."

Another flurry of fan messages passed before Kuea's eyes.

"Do you guys mind if hia joins us?"

An explosion of hearts erupted on Kuea's screen.

"Okay okay, I'll call him back. Give me one second." Kuea stepped out of the room to find Lian waiting across the hall. "You planned this."

"How could I plan such a thing? Just to spend time with my Nu Kuea?"

"You're the president of my Thailand fan club, of course you could."

"So, as the president, do I get the honor of joining you on your Live to listen to your new songs?" Lian stepped closer into Kuea's space and gently put his hands on Kuea's hips. "Please?"

"Why didn't you just ask properly in the first place," Kuea groaned, but pulled Lian in for a small kiss anyway. "Come on, the fans are waiting for you."

"Okay, we're back!" Kuea announced once they were both seated. "And I have with me my fiance and and the president of the Kirin Thailand FC, Kilen Wang!" Lian gave a small wave and smile before resting his head on Kuea's shoulder. "Okay, now let's play the music!"

[justanotherstory]

Y.J.H.D

Sooo..long time no see huuhhh!! ..well I was quite busy with some school stuff and exams uk.. #studentlifestruggles (also I was out of ideas :)) anyways “Rukawat ke liye khed hai.." and maybe main ab aur"consistent" ho jaau!!

I have quite a few stories which I thought I'll write about..my maths board exam day, Teachers' day'23 with my lovely seniors..and my first open mic!! But but but ....since I am lazzy and have this very unnecessary amount of chull..I'll talk about something else today.

Today let's talk about the cult, the classic..GenZ ke "yeh hamare zamane ki movie hai" wala movie everyone's favourite YJHD!!!..Who doesn't like this movie!!??? Everyone one has their own learnings and memories from Yeh Jawaani hai deewani..The movie which gave us Bunny..the movie that taught us "kabhi kabhi kuch paane ke liye kahi se nikalna bhi zaroori hai".. I mean you already know how beautiful that movie is..

Yeah so, just like everyone, even I have my own interpretation of this movie.. and I will  share that today ig(although no one asked for it). After watching the movie(which was during the lockdown)I wondered about the origin story of Bunny, Aditi, Avi and Naina Talwar!!..like how someone named Kabir Thappar became Bunny?  "Woh sab dost bane kaise!!!???" And soo many more questions...so I decided to write up the answers to all these questions in a way I wish them to be..

Okay so imagine the story like this...

Its the first day of first grade everyone's just looking up at the new faces all around and the little kids are just fighting for the first bench..and then enters the "heartbeat" .. the one who will be unknowingly responsible for all the classroom madness, Kabir already shouting and giggling and waves to Avinash, who has already saved a seat for him.. and after talking a bit about how they spent their holidays. They see a girl fighting on the very first day with a boy who took her pencil.And then arrives the teacher who is already up for a challenge in her head. She then observes a quite girl sitting at the corner seat looking out of the window.. So she asks the "warrior kinda girl"-Aditi to sit with this dandelion-kid ,Naina and in her head Aditi is singing up for a punishment coz sitting with Naina is like sitting with a bronze statue who she knows will hardly talk to her and then Bunny convinces Avi to sit near the window at a vacant seat behind these girlies..

But that one fine day, when Kabir pulled Aditi's chair and she fell down and everyone laughed , she shouts at Kabir and is just about to cry when she yells "main tumhari teacher ko complain krungi !!" and this marks the beginning of a cold war between Aditi and Kabir.  Everytime Kabir would find ways to tease Aditi and she would also fight him back. Their banters were a constant source of entertainment for the whole classroom. They acted as the most obidient students in front of the teachers but as soon as they left, during the break time, the classroom would turn into a wrestling ring where they fought with Avi being the refree. Avi was their mediator , woh best friend bhale hi Kabir ka ho, pr Aditi se dosti bhi pakki thi and Naina, Naina would just remain quiet and look at all that choas  and long for such friends. The always fighting duo didn't have any hate for each other rather when put together they would make the strongest team.. Months went by... and Kabir became "Bunny" soon after the day of their second grade picnic when he boasted to Aditi saying "agar darr lage na ..toh mera hath pakad lena.."and then daar bhi laga aur haath bhi pakda.. Kabir ne ... Aditi ka kyunki woh ek bunny se daar gya tha ...and hence Bunny. But its not like Aditi wasn't given a name she was called "magnet " why you may ask.. coz the other magnet was Avi! Weird right..ik..even Aditi felt the same when se got to know about the "other magnet" years later..

Samay ka pahiyaa ghumta gaya.. Naina, Aditi, Avi, Bunny grew upp.. Now the warriors weren't fighting all the time rather they became best of friends and now Avi , Bunny and Aditi became a trio.. Naina and Avi also became good friends since Naina was the one who always helped Avi cheat in exams. Soo yeah you may say that exams were the reasons they became friends but it wasn't the only reason for their friendship although the movie plot showed Naina had feelings for Bunny , but with Avi she felt like home. With Avi she felt like she has escaped from all her life problems all the maddness and all the sufferings" ek sukoon tha uski baaton mei.." I am not trying to ship them together but its just that a best friend like Avi is what we all need .Later on maybe Naina and Avi lost connection maybe their this friendship didn't last long and maybe Naina didn't even try to hold him back as her friends leaving her alone wasn't something new for her and she was so tired of trying that she started blaming herself and then became more silent.. and maybe that's why the movie didn't highlighted Naina and Avi's friendship much.

Few years later,Bunny and Aditi slowly drifted away..something happened between Avi , Bunny and Aditi maybe something so extreme that none of them had imagined.  What could have happened? Maybe Bunny shattered Aditi's trust . Friendship with Bunny was her super power but when suddenly someone snatched that away, she could never trust anyone like that again. Avi tried again  and again to bring them closer but naah the scar was soo deep that won't heal easily although it seemed that everything was sorted but it wasn't the trust that had gone never came back and that's why when in the movie she  sends the video invite to Kabir she is a bit hesitant and nervous and didn't even expected him to be their at their big day.

But heyy, everything did sort between all four of them as we move towards the end in the movie right!!? And after the movie ends they all lived their happily ever after.. together all 6 of them Naina-Bunny, Aditi-Tarun and Avi- ? Avi with??? Well some mysteries are better left unsolved..

Hope you enjoyed this blog and plan to rewatch the whole movie now:)

This was just another story.

And this is me,

Singing Off <<33

[dontsh0vethesun]

okay, i can’t stop thinking about the idea of reader nearly dying in the upside down, causing joyce to absolutely rail the shit out of her when they’re finally home and safe. like, she just has to take the opportunity to show the reader how overjoyed she is that she’s alright. any chance you could write something like that? your joyce pieces are wonderfully done!

masterlist

safe and sound

Pairing - Joyce Byers x Reader

18+ :injury and blood mention, implied age gap/secret relationship (r is 19+) smut; slight dom/sub vibes, fingering (r!receiving), oral (r!receiving), fingersucking ig

Word count - 2262

A/N - i really hope this is okay, i'm not completely happy with how it turned out but i think i like it enough

Joyce hurried over to the Wheeler’s front door from her car, not even bothering to lock it behind her in her rush. Her knuckles rapped against the wood as soon as she neared it, hearing heels approaching straight away before it swung open to reveal Karen Wheeler herself.

“Where are they?” She rushed out, panicked, as Karen stepped aside to let her in.

“They’re just through there.” She responded, pointing towards the living room where you and the others were gathered after the more than eventful evening in the upside down. Joyce was quick to pull both Will and Jonathan into a hug once she’d checked them over for injuries though she couldn’t see you within the crowded room. 

Karen had called her saying you were all there and that you were hurt, she didn’t have time to say much else before the line had clicked and Joyce was racing to her car. She was assured that her sons were fine but it didn’t stop the anxious nausea rising in her throat at the thought of you being hurt - how bad was it? Were you going to die? Were you in the hospital? 

There’d been enough death, enough pain caused by the upside down, she couldn’t bear anymore.

She glanced over to where she could now see you when she pulled away from the embrace, Steve, Robin and Nancy all hovering near you; she could only see a peek of your shoe from where you were perched on the dining table. 

“Mom, we’re good, we’re fine. Y/N was the only one hurt.” Will spoke, nodding over to where you were, leading her over to check how you were.

Robin was sitting next to you, rambling on about something Joyce couldn’t understand though it made her smile when you huffed a laugh at something she’d said. Nancy looked on in concern while Steve wiped over your face with a cloth, standing much too close to you for her liking, his face too close to yours for what he was doing. One of your hands was holding you up, the other was pressing a bag of frozen peas to the side of your head.

“Y/N, are you okay?” She questioned, gasping slightly when she could finally see your face when Steve pulled away. “God, what the hell happened?”

“She saved our asses is what happened.” Robin grinned, nudging you with her elbow.

“Mhm, our total hero.” Steve added, squeezing your knee which did not go unnoticed by Joyce. 

“Upside down monsters and whatnot - the usual - anyway, they were gonna win for sure. Like these big things.” Robin rushed out, gesturing wildly with her hands. “Slimy looking creepy things, right? And they just kept coming and Y/N, she just like whacked ‘em. Like, pow pow.” She continued, miming your actions of using a random plank of wood you’d found as a makeshift weapon. “And we were all running and they were just coming after us - I was sure it was gonna be the end - just a bunch of gross bones and Steve’s quiff just left behind on the ground-“

“Hey.” He interrupted whilst everyone else laughed at her explanation.

“And then we were almost fine but obviously Steve spoke too soon, he was all like ‘guys we made it’ and then Y/N was like knocked down. It was crazy, and we all were shouting and panicking like - what the fuck do you do when your friend is pinned down and about to be eaten by some kind of ugly alien thing? Well, anyway, it was like watching a wrestling match but somehow she grabbed some kind of branch thing and just stabbed it - which was gross by the way. And now, here we are.”

“Wow, you could’ve made me sound more like a hero Robin.” You huffed with a roll of your eyes.

“Sounds pretty heroic to me.” Joyce smiled, nudging Steve out of the way to take a look at your face herself. Her hand brushed yours as she moved the frozen peas from your grasp to see a bruise forming on your cheekbone, dried blood from a cut. Your other cheek had a cut across it that would only need a bandage and she carefully wiped dried blood from your skin, her touch was so gentle and you could feel your cheeks heat up at her closeness; what the two of you wouldn’t give to be able to share a kiss right there. You’d both been terrified, you just wanted some comfort. 

“Ow.” You murmured with a wince when she cleaned the wound beside your bruise.

“Sorry.” She whispered, her breath warm against your skin from how close she was as she concentrated. “Are you boys staying here?” She asked, multitasking as she placed a small bandage over your cheek.

“Yeah, after tonight we thought we’d crash here and just stay together.”

“Okay. I can take Y/N home, I’m sure her parents must be worried.” 

—

“Y’know when I say ‘stay safe’ that’s a command and not just something you can decide not to listen to right?” Joyce spoke as soon as you shut the passenger side door behind you.

“It wasn’t so much of a choice, more like I was tackled by a slimer wannabe.” You returned with a laugh, she smiled at the sound, poking you with a shake of her head whilst she started the car. As soon as she drove in the opposite direction your house was in, you got an idea of the kind of night you were in for.

“I’m serious though. You need to be more careful. I thought you were seriously hurt - that maybe you were dead.” Her voice cracked while her hand rested on your thigh, fingers linking with yours when you held onto her. “Ugh and that Steve.” She groaned.

“What about him?” You giggled.

“He has a crush on you, he was standing so close to you - way too close. And his hand was on your leg, where only my hand should be.”

“Uh oh, is someone jealous?” You teased but fuck did jealousy look so good on her.

“No.” She answered, sliding her hand further up your thigh with a squeeze. “To be jealous of him there’d have to be some kind of fear that he could have you and, trust me, I’m not worried about that. You’d never give me up for him.”

“Oh, I dunno. Maybe that’s what I’m into these days, maybe his boyish charm has swept me off my feet.” You teased, knowing he’d described himself as having ‘boyish charm’ to you at least twice. 

“Sweetheart, I think we know that’s far from true. You’re mine and I know you like being mine.” She responded, not taking her eyes off the road as her fingertips pushed against your clothed centre and the way you yelped at the action just confirmed what she’d said.

As soon as she’d shut it behind you both with a click, Joyce had your back flush against the front door, desperate kisses to your lips; careful kisses over your cheeks and jaw, soft and soothing over your injured skin. 

Your hands pulled her hips into yours and the smell of her spiced perfume was just the comfort you’d needed, you shivered at the way her fingers stroked over the bare skin of your waist beneath your shirt before she pulled away to look at you. Her dark eyes locked with yours as she cupped your cheek in her palm. 

“I was so scared when I found out you were hurt.” She spoke, moving into you, her nose grazing the skin of your neck when she placed a kiss beneath your ear before whispering with a rasp. “Let me show you how happy I am that you’re okay.” 

She linked her hands with yours, walking backwards as she guided you both to her bedroom, both of you clumsily kicking your shoes off on the way. 

She pulled your shirt over your head and watched intently as you unbuttoned your jeans, licking her lips in anticipation at the sight of your underwear clad form. She nudged you onto the bed and you watched propped up on your elbows as she undressed before you; teasingly making a show of it. Unbuttoning her shirt painfully slowly and removing her jeans at the same pace, smirking at your growing impatience as you admired her body. 

She crawled towards you with a predatory stare, she was so desperate to taste you, to make you feel just how much she cares for you - how terrified she’d been of losing you. She couldn’t wait much longer, reaching behind you to unclasp your bra and throwing it behind her haphazardly, immediately biting into the pillowy flesh of your breast with a kiss.

You pulled her face back to yours and she was quick to control the kiss, bruising and lustful, her tongue swiped at your bottom lip, licking into your mouth with the taste of old peppermint gum still lingering. 

She pinched your nipple between her finger and thumb and clasped her other hand around yours, slotting her fingers between yours and pushing the joined hands into the mattress beside you. You sighed at the sensation of her teeth biting into your neck with a suck, torso twitching slightly when her fingernails dragged over your skin and only stopped at the waistband of your underwear.

You bucked your hips upwards into her lingering hand and she mockingly laughed against your skin, lifting her face above yours to watch your face when she suddenly pushed two fingers inside you. She revelled in the parting of your lips and the breath that passed them, the sound of the small whimper at the back of your throat when her thumb began to rub over your clit was music to her ears. 

“Oh sweetheart, you look so pretty.” She cooed, keeping her eyes trained on yours in a way that let you know you were to keep them open, even when she was fucking her fingers into you in such a magnificent way. 

“Fuck, Joyce.” You breathed out, she always knows how to get what she wants and right now she wants to hear you, any sound she can pull from you that lets her know you're falling apart at her touch. She can’t control all the bad things that could happen but she could control this, if she wanted a reaction she knew how to get it. So she quickened her movements and curled her fingers, smirking at the perfect whine you let out as you bit your lip.

From your shuddering breaths and the way your body twitched with each thrust of her fingers, she knew you were close; she sucked your nipple into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the hardened bud. Your hand got lost in her hair, pulling at her scalp when it closed into a fist as you came with a choked moan onto her fingers. 

She felt you clench around her, your heartbeat in your chest could be felt from where she kissed you as you panted for breath. She sat up on her knees straddled over you, observing the blissed glaze over your eyes and the obedient way you instantly parted your lips when her wet fingers poked at them. Your tongue licked at them, tasting yourself with a hum of fascination, a strand of saliva glistening in the light when she pulled them out. 

She looked up at you through her lashes when she kissed over your stomach, pulling your underwear down your legs without missing a beat, dancing her lips over the sensitive skin of your thighs. 

The kiss she landed on your still sensitive clit sent a shiver through your spine and the hum of pleasure she let out against it only made it stronger. 

“I love the way you taste.” She muttered against you, tentatively licking her tongue over your aching bud, dragging it through your wet slit with the taste of you just making her more eager. An unrivalled suck to your clit had your back beginning to arch off the bed with a moan of her name, the urgency of her lapping at you was heating your skin up, a layer of sweat surely building. 

When your thighs threatened to clamp around her head she wrapped her arms around them to keep them firmly in place, her nails digging into your flesh with a sublime blend of pleasure and pain. 

Your hand slapped over your mouth, biting into it with the stream of moans falling from your lips, the other aimlessly grabbed at the sheets, bunching them up in your grasp. Your hips mindlessly rocked against Joyce’s face, fucking yourself on her flattened tongue until you couldn’t hold back any longer. Your orgasm flooded over you with an astonishing wave of pleasure, seeing stars, mind fuzzy and blank in awe at Joyce’s talents. 

She pulled away with her lips dripping wet with your arousal, a proud smirk tugging at them when she spied your chest rising and falling in search of oxygen, staring at the ceiling to ground yourself. She licked your juices from her lips, swearing to herself that she could never get tired of your taste. 

She claimed your lips with hers again, soft and gentle pecks whilst her thumb swiped over your cheek, making sure to cause you no pain. You smiled at one another with dreamy expressions, basking in the closeness.

“Don’t get hurt again, I won’t go so easy on you next time.”

[domesticblisss]

Nice to Meet You

Jay White x Female Reader Requested Prompt: “Hello! Thank you for opening requests. How about one with Jay White where he’s in New Japan and reader is in WWE and they end up following each other on ig or something and after awhile of messages and such they finally meet and get together? You can change things up if you want I just love the idea of 2 people from separate companies getting together lol ❤️ ” Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 1306 Warnings: Nothing, fluff as fuck with a tiny little bit of angst and some between the lines pinning and a little cursing. Summary: Mutual friends aren't enough for you to meet, but the internet is. A/N: Sorry it took me so long to post it, work has been crazy, then writer's block hit and when the inspirations finally got back to me, I had the shittiest week ever so I couldn't bring myself to write it. I hope it's at least a little bit good, and that my dear requester and you all like it. 💕

He always heard about her and she always heard about him. Only good things.

Shelley always gushed about how their styles were similar, Sabin went off countless times on how they should wrestle as a duo, and against each other, and Candice kept mentioning how they would look cute together.

But the friends in common weren't enough to make them meet each other and their hectic schedule never coincided. Soon, Jay shipped off to Japan full time and she finally got her NXT contract signed.

Jay was the one to take the first step. It was on a late saturday night, one of his few days off, when he finally decided to watch her debut match against Asuka after seeing it trending across social media and different news outlets.

She lost the match, but she gave the NXT Women’s Champion a run for her money. Hard kicks after hard kicks, asuka locks being countered several times, and the most incredibly performed top rope DDT he had ever seen. It was the hardest hitting women’s match he had seen in a while and he was amused with her talent, so amused he had to let the world know.

“@thisisfuryWWE nxt debut match was the best one I’ve seen in a long time. Can’t wait to see more of you 😉”

The message made her smile, the recognition from someone she always thought so highly of warming her heart.

“@JayWhiteNZ thank you! this means a lot coming from the #switchblade 🔪❤️”

With that came the mutual following on social media, then the likes, the casual comments turned into dm’s, turned into phone number exchanges, and soon, they didn’t know a life without each other.

Every day a “good morning” text would be sent by whoever woke up first and “sleep well” texts closed off the night. The time zone was messy, but they always found a way to talk to each other, losing count of how many nights were poorly slept and the amount of coffee they drank on the morning after.

Little “this made me think of you” messages were sent whenever a dog picture or a meme came their way, friends' dinner/lunch dates through FaceTime became a thing and every Instagram post got commented with an inside joke. Friends and fans started to notice the change in their relationship and soon their mentions were bombarded with speculating questions.

“Are you guys together?”

“When are the two of you getting married?”

“@thisisfuryWWE and @JayWhiteNZ get a fucking room already”

“I would if she was near me 🙄”

She was the one who took the second step. After a lot of talk with Candice, she finally realised her true feelings towards the kiwi. It wasn’t easy accepting them at first, she took longer to respond to his messages, the “good morning” texts were no more, and her answers were always short, until the fateful day where she completely stopped answering him.

→ I don’t know if I did something wrong, and I am so sorry if I did, but please talk to me.

She knew that ghosting him was wrong and that she needed to tell him the truth, even if her anxiety got the best of her.

The clock on her phone announced that it was 12:45pm, meaning it was almost 2 in the morning for him and that he probably had just gotten back from the monday tapings, tired and wanting to sleep. “Fuck it, he texted me. It’s now or never.”

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

He picked up on the third ring, his long, dyed black hair wet, sticking to his forehead, the droplets of water running down his chest.

“Hey! Sorry it took me a while to pick it up, I was just taking a shower. How are you?” He panted like he had just ran a marathon to pick up the phone. “I missed you.”

She had never seen him so vulnerable, the small tone of his voice shot a tinge of pain to her heart. “Can we talk? I need to talk to you.”

“Sure, just let me put some pants on.” Jay laughed.

He sat the phone down on the nightstand and she kept staring at the cream ceiling of his hotel room, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

“Is everything okay, I was worried about you.” Noises of shuffling fabric were noticeable in the background, paired with a string of curses after what she was pretty sure was him bumping his pinky on some furniture.

“Everything is fine. Is your toe still alive?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

She looked at him, really looked at him. The dark hair dryer, messy and no longer sticking to his forehead, probably the work of him aggressively running the towel over it. His fair skin pink after a hot shower, blue eyes shy, almost anxiety ridden with anticipation of what could happen next. She let out a modest smile, running the words she had thought about telling him countless times in her head.

“What is it, honey?”

“Jay, I- I need to tell you something. I don’t know how to say it but just let me finish first or I’ll die.”

He only nodded.

“I like you. Really, really like you. That’s why I’ve been off these past few days, I’ve been trying to understand my feelings and I ended up scaring myself because I’ve never felt this way for anyone.” she stopped for a few seconds, hands running over face and hair, taking a moment to breath. “Jay, I– fuck, I appreciate our friendship so, so much and I don’t want to ruin it, but I get it if this makes you uncomfortable and if you want to cut ties.”

Jay kept quiet, staring at her through the small screen, smile getting bigger and until it turned into full, hearty laughter.

“Jay, this is not funny. I’m not–“

“This is why you vanished? God, can’t you see I fucking love you too, you idiot?!”

Silence engulfed the pair again as they looked at each other, not believing what had finally happened. They exchanged smiles and lingering stares before continuing the conversation.

“I’m crazy about you, honey.”

“And how are we going to do this, Jay?”

“I am constantly going back home, you can come over when you have some free time. We will figure it out, baby.”

Three weeks of messages and video calls, three weeks of “I love yous” and “can’t wait to see you”, three of the longest weeks of their lives until they finally meet each other.

Jay opens instagram, her story bubble being the first one to show up. He clicks on it and is met with a picture of her in a red envelope dress and white converse, the same one he was wearing, and a caption that said “today is going to be a great day! ❤️🔪”.

🔥 reaction and a “see you in forty, love” reply sent, her phone vibrated in her purse just a few meters away from him. Little did he know she was waiting for him in the landing room, holding a small poster with “Mr. White” written and little switchblades drawn all over it.

She grew anxious as everyone but Jay left the plane, checking the time and if she was on the right gate constantly.

Five minutes passed, five minutes that felt like hours, and Jay finally came out, with sunglasses covering his eyes and his denim jacket in hand. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her, a smile growing on his face as she ran to him. He engulfed her in a tight hug, kissing her lips in small pecks that grew into one big slow kiss.

They touched foreheads after, smiling and laughing, not believing they were finally in each other’s arms.

“Hey, stranger.”

[justcourttee]

I love your sibling Jasonette so much!! If you don't mind, could you do Marinette's first meeting with the rest of the Batfam? Also, this is probably a stupid question but are the rest of the sibling Jasonette stories connected?

Not a stupid question at all! I wrote them so that if you read all of them, there are parallels so that they could be connected, but if people didn’t want to read all of them, they could also stand on their own :)

I also NEVER mind writing more sibling Jasonette ;) Hope you enjoy! @moonlitjiminie 

Family Game Night

“What if they don’t like me?”

Jason stopped in his tracks, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Is that even a real question that you’re asking me? I’m honestly offended right now that you would even think they had an option to not like you.”

He dramatically placed his hand over his heart as if her words had fatally wounded him earning a small giggle from the girl. Slinging his arm over her shoulder, she managed to breathe a small sigh of relief as they made their way up the long staircase.

Jason didn’t even bother knocking as he threw open the manor doors, effectively dragging her in with him.

“Master Jason, what a pleasure to see you attend family game night and with a guest in tow, how lovely.”

An older man stood in the foyer, his sly smile warming Marinette to the core instantly. Jason narrowed his eyes playfully at the man, a sly smile of his own tugging at his lips.

“Marinette, let me introduce you to the only sane person in this household. Mr. Alfred Pennyworth. He likes to pretend he’s just a humble butler, but we all know that he secretly runs the whole thing around here.”

Alfred bowed deeply to Marinette to which she could only curtsey in return.

“It’s a pleasure, sir. I am sorry for invading your family time. I was under the impression that my presence was a known factor tonight.” Her narrowed eyes shot to Jason who simply shrugged, his smirk as arrogant as ever.

“Nonsense, a friend of Master Jason is a friend to all. You are by far the most pleasant friend he has brought to this event.”

Marinette almost wanted to ask about the context of his remark, but something in her gut told her she really didn’t want to know.

“Please, follow me to the sitting room. The rest of the family has already arrived.”

They walked in a comfortable silence down the hall, Marinette nerves slightly frayed now knowing that nobody expected her appearance. Alfred pushed open two oak doors, revealing a brightly lit room filled with many laughing faces. When Jason said he had a lot of siblings, Marinette thought two or three. Nothing could have prepared her for this.

“Oh my god, Jason brought home a girl!”

Instantly all sounds in the room paused as many heads turned their attention to where Marinette stood in the doorway. Hesitantly, she raised her hand in greeting, a sheepish smile gracing her face.

“Everyone, this is Marinette, the legendary designer MDC, and my sister. She’s flown all the way from Paris to meet you losers for some reason so be nice.”

Marinette mumbled a quiet hello as a few smiles broke through the room welcoming her. Instantly, a blonde girl jumped up to drag her back to where she was previously sitting, ignoring Jason’s protests.

“You just have to play on my team tonight! Are you any good at Pictionary? I mean I’m not great, but I can say with utmost confidence that I can beat most of the people in this room.”

“That’s not true!” Marinette’s attention was split as one of the men started an argument with her as to who was the better pictionary-ist. She didn’t even notice when Jason had sat beside her, an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“The rude blonde is Stephanie Brown. She’s Timmy boys girlfriend, who would be the dead zombie looking kid over there.”

Marinette’s gaze followed to where Jason pointed, a small giggle escaping at his accurate description. The poor boy looked like he hasn’t gotten a good night's sleep a single day in his life. 

“The rude boy arguing with Stephanie would be Dick. He practically rivals your optimism except his happy go lucky actually disgusts me.”

The man paused from his argument, a horrified expression on his face.

“I like to think my optimism is a blessing.”

That earned a collective groan from the room to which he simply crossed his arms into a pout.

“Anyways, continuing, the redhead is Barbara Gordon-Grayson who unfortunately has trapped herself in the position of Dick’s wife. A tragedy really for such a beautiful woman, I mean she could’ve had me and instead she chose him? The world just isn’t right.”

Another protest came from Dick’s direction as he turned his pout into Barbara’s outstretched arms as her attempt to not laugh failed miserably.

“The one staring you down while trying to pretend he’s not interested at the same time would be your future husband Damian.”

Marinette felt her entire face flush red as she reached back slapping Jason in the stomach as hard as he could.

“Todd, I do not appreciate harassing this young woman. You are beneath her in status and beauty therefore you should not be allowed to get off with this insult to her self so easily.”

Damian stood from his spot, careful not to make eye contact with Marinette as he sped past her toward the room’s only exit. She wanted to call out and ask him to stay, but the pink on his cheeks caused her to pause. He probably was just as embarrassed as her and just needed some time to breathe.

“Jason, that was mean! Look at how flustered you made him!”

Jason simply laughed as he reached over to ruffle her hair.

“Trust me, he never gets ‘flustered’ that was all you.”

For the second time that night, Marinette felt her face flush.

“He’s right you know!” Her eyes turned back to the blonde from earlier who stared her down with a playful expression in her eyes. “Demon spawn definitely has a crush on you.”

The rest of the family took turns picking at her, taking jabs until she was sure there wasn’t one part of her that wasn’t bloodshot red.

“Alright, alright, give the girl some space. We want her to return eventually!”

Marinette smiled gratefully toward the dark-haired man.

“After all, I need to get to know my future daughter-in-law.”

She instantly regretted her friendly gesture as the room exploded once more, smiles and laughter filling the room. Why exactly had she let Jason talk her into this?

“Okay, okay, really though guys. It’s game night! Time to pick team captains.”

Stephanie’s devilish smile sent shivers through Marinette’s spine. It was purely chaotic, reminding her of another blonde that she had left behind.

“I vote Marinette and Jason, the ultimate sibling showdown!” Dick puffed out his chest as his voice mimicked what sounded suspiciously like a wrestling ref that her father loved to watch.

“I’m down, how about you princess?”

Marinette bit her lip as her eyes glanced around the room at their waiting faces. Her eyes caught sight of one brooding face that she couldn’t seem to pass by. He also seemed to be waiting, his eyes nervously glancing from her position to the door as if he might bolt at any moment.

“It’s game on Todd.”

They shook their hands defiantly, both wearing dangerous smirks. Maybe she could salvage her pride tonight; not just hers’ but Damian’s as well. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Ladies first.”

Marinette and Jason stood on opposite sides of the room, both watching each other with an intense look that came from their competitive natures. She scanned the eager faces of his family thoughtfully. She had no idea what any of them were good at, but she wanted to maintain appearance for the psych of it.

“Damian.”

Everybody broke out into smirks as they shared knowing looks. She didn’t bother to pay them any mind as the pink-cheeked boy rose to stand with her.

“Wrong move princess, demon spawn hates game night more than he likes to win. My first choice? Stephanie.”

The girl pumped her fist in the air as she joined Jason on his side. Marinette leaned toward where Damian stood, hiding half her face behind her hand.

“Time to strategize, who is my best bet?”

Damian stared at her with a bewildered expression.

“C’mon beau garçon, I need your help if we’re gonna kick Jason’s ass.”

He nodded slowly as if that were a perfectly reasonable excuse to kick into gear.

“Grayson is the leading contender if you wish to win tonight.”

Marinette nodded as she motioned for Dick to join them as well. Jason raised an eyebrow at her as he called over Tim, challenging her to pick from the remaining two.

“Okay Damian, Barbara or Bruce.”

He didn't bother responding as he pointed at his father, leaving the redhead to Jason’s team.

It was five hours of intense games, Alfred keeping score as an unaffiliated third party,( after all, they had all agreed that he was the fairest way to keep the games moving.) They all sat in anticipation while he tallied the scores. She couldn’t seem to calm her nerves as she stared at Jason’s cocky smirk.

Marinette felt a warmth brush by her kneecap. Instantly her head snapped to where a hand rested before her gaze reached back up to his face, a light red dusting across her cheeks. Immediately his hand retracted.

“I’m sorry if that was inappropriate, your knee was just bouncing anxiously from the corner of my eye and it was a slight bother.”

Marinette muttered out a small sorry before they both broke their gaze, the blush evident on both of their cheeks.

“And with a final score of 5-4, the winning team is… Miss Marinette!”

Her whole team jumped from the couch in excitement. Without thinking, she threw her arms around Damian’s neck. Realization crossed her face as she quickly retracted her hug, her entire face as red as could be. God, she hadn’t been this much of a blushing mess since she was thirteen.

They all chatted idly for a few minutes before Jason finally intercepted, insisting he had to get her back to her apartment before it got too late. The whole family waved her goodbye, minus one red-faced teen who instead handed her a small piece of paper as discreetly as he could, ignoring the taunts from his family behind his back.

As they drove back to her apartment, Marinette couldn’t hold her excitement anymore.

“I don’t know why you were warning me so much, I think I’m in love with your family Jason.”

His familiar smirk sat on his face as he turned into the apartment’s lot.

“I told you they were going to love you, and what do you know? I didn’t even have to give Damian your number, you two worked it out on your own. I truly believe they are planning out your wedding right now.”

Marinette shook her head as she reached over the console to hug Jason tightly before stepping out of the car. She wanted to deny accusations of what happened tonight, but she knew it would just fuel his picking.

Besides, even she couldn’t deny that she was excited for the next family game night and if she saw a certain Wayne there, well, that really wouldn’t be so bad.

Permanent Tag List:

@damianette-is-life @ash-amg @rebecarojas07 @heaven428 @long-lost-peace @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @moongoddesskiana @nach0ava

[tarantulas4davey]

HELLO BESTIE I am currently having Ralbert Brainrot and you're the best person go come to for this, obviously,, so PLEASE share! I would like to hear about ufc albert or youtuber race, or dancing partners!! I love them smm

HI YES HELLO USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO WRITE UFC FIGHTER AL PART 2 THANKS BABES

i just witnessed a literal crime and i’m Feeling The Rage (boxing judges at mma events can catch these hands) so here is. my brain on anger.

also the first half of this is pretty fight-talk heavy but the second half is more al/ralbert central so message me/send me an ask if i don’t explain something well enough <3

here is the ask i sent to @we-are-inevitable (thanks jac i’m in love with you mwah) and here is part 1 for this au if you haven’t read that one yet !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, as well as blood. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb) oh and swearing but that’s pretty much just me LMAO

here i am, bein mad and writing ralbert. therapy time with chandler ig

OK SO

this is after his debut. duh. continuation

i think he’s probably 5 fights in with 5 wins. he’s been running people through, especially with four full camps after a short notice start, and he’s never even seen a decision in the ufc

let’s just say the hype train is moving FAST and it’s moving LOUD

everyone has to have those people that watch their fights just to see them lose, on top of the majority male fan base that have to have a little bit of toxic masculinity and homophobia in there

so there’s A LOT of people that are waiting for him and his hype train to get derailed. but there’s also a fair amount of fans, so you win some you lose some (the way i would die to see this be a real fighter pls)

now albert’s not always the most confident guy, and he’s never been cocky, but none of this shit gets to him. he’s got his coaches, he’s got his friends and he’s got race behind him. he knows he’s got the skills, and he’s got his support system, so who gives a shit what a bunch of cowards on the internet have to say?

and then they put him against someone known for his grappling and stamina. and the “it’s a wrap for dasilva!” bandwagon starts. it happens every time a rising striker and early knockout artist fights a well known grappler with any semblance of later round power (even if al has a background in wrestling and has gone 5 rounds and won outside of the ufc. it’s a bandwagon for a reason)

and it’s not Upsetting, it’s not really getting into his head in any way that’ll make him do worse, but it’s kinda pissing him off. which is bad for his opponent

the last person on earth you want to be fighting is an annoyed albert dasilva who thinks he has something to prove

he works his ass off in camp, and the press tour is a self-assured albert vs. a loudmouth who thinks he’s hot shit cause a few people on twitter think he’ll sweep

and, to be completely honest? it’s starting to look that way 2 rounds in.

it’s a 5 round fight, co-main event on a big card, and so far all al’s opponent has done is pinned him to the cage and kept him there. a few strikes worth anything - at least enough make al’s cheek bleed, no takedowns, which would at least give him some activity, and so submission attempts, so he can’t even gain any ground that way. he’s just- Stuck. and if THIS is how he loses, he’s gonna be pissed

the bell for the second round sounds, and you can actually see al’s chest heaving on camera as he walks to his corner - not because he’s tired or out of breath, but because he’s MAD, and fuck if he’s not going to do something about it

not only that, but he can not only see race and jack standing up by the cage - plus race’s expression, which is slightly annoyed and super anxious, which hurts his chest to think about - but he can hear them too

jack is yelling profanities, as per usual. he doesn’t that regardless of how the fight is going, but it’s less encouraging when you’re the one losing.

race though,,,, race isn’t really yelling, he’s more talking to himself than anything, but he’s close enough to cage and al knows him well enough to figure out what he’s saying. and if the muttered almost-prayers while he paces back and forth weren’t enough, the shiny gold engagement ring on race’s hand definitely is

round 3,,,, let’s just say it goes a little differently than the first 2 had gone.

he opens with a spinning back kick, of all fucking things, and that truly sets the pace

he’s the taller guy by a few inches, like usual, which makes his arms longer. the only reason crushing his against the cage worked is cause the guy he’s fighting cuts weight like a wrestler, so he’s easily got 20 pounds on albert come fight night

but once he finds his rhythm and starts throwing, he starts connecting too. he manages to stay out of range of his opponent and stay his comfortable distance to start t-ing off

this isn’t a one punch power ending. this isn’t a beautiful head kick, or a giant knee, or even just a clean right hook.

this is albert, who’s arms are starting to feel the 3rd round a little bit, hitting this guy with everything he has cause he refuses to lose this fight.

i mean- everyone watched him get up at the start of the round with a set jaw and a scary determined glint in his eye. he’s not a person you fuck with, and he’s definitely not a person you publicly ridicule before being locked in a cage to fight with

the guy he’s fighting is absolutely battered, but he manages to survive until round 4. the first of the championship rounds, something al’s never seen in a ufc fight before, and it feels like the arena is holding its breath

so when al comes out and does the same thing as round 3 to better results - fight ending results - everyone’s a little shocked, honestly

the commentary team’s in disbelief, cause albert is NOT a slow starter, regardless of what this fight would tell you, and the fact he managed a win at all, let alone such a phenomenal one, is fucking astounding

he gets his hand raised, obviously, but the really interesting part is the post fight interview

“albert, man, what changed between round 2 and 3? what second gear did you find?”

“bro, i just— it was pissing me off, honestly. i don’t come in here to get pinned down for 25 minutes. and, y’know, my team gave me good advice. i had all the pieces, straight from the jump, someone just had to force me to put them in place…”

and then he looks over at race, who gives al one of those half grin, half smirks and winks at him, and al just chuckles to himself and finishes answering the question

“the thing that really forced my hand is race. i won’t get cheesy on you, but watching someone who loves and supports you through everything panic cause he’s scared for you - it’s a big motivator. everyone would figure out a lot more of my motivations if they went and watched race’s expressions back instead of whatever the hell i’m doing in here. he’s always been the brains, i’m just the brawn.”

and that’s a better answer than anyone was expecting, plus he’s just had the fight of a lifetime that’s probably earned him a title shot, so he’s done soon after that and gets to have his little in-cage celebration

he hugs his team and jack, who razzes him a little bit as per usual, and makes some dumb quip about going over tapes later like he’s a coach. and then comes race

he hugs him, all tender and cute and also very sweaty cause That’s How It Works, and the camera’s focused on him, so they can tell they’re whispering back and forth. but there’s no mics on them, so what’s said is missed entirely on the audience, but it’s their usual cheesy, in love mess

“congrats, baby. i’m proud of you.”

“oh please. it was 90% you anyway. i meant what i said, it wasn’t just for the cameras.”

“i know that. i’m gonna have to get you back somehow for telling everyone to go back and watch my awful anxious expression. i’ll think of something.”

“i’m sure you will, sweetheart.”

and then al does that awful, adorable lil nose bump thing, and then kisses race. and then jack covers his eyes and whines until they stop like the actual 12 year old boy he is inside

and then they leave the octagon, race and al holding hands, and al throws his arm over jack’s shoulder and shoves his head down and pushes him, cause even though he was just in a literal cage match he’s still a roughhousing teenager at heart

and he’s got interviews and press shit that separates him from his people, and he’s gotta slide that bulletproof mask back down over all the happy and in love shit he’s feeling so he can not smile like an idiot on camera constantly

but every once in awhile he’ll catch jack giving him the finger and laugh before returning it below view of the camera

or he’ll catch race’s eye from where he’s standing behind all the studio lights and do a little wave under the camera and return the wink from earlier, and the unbothered fighter facade will crack a little bit

but he’s not completely convinced that’s such a bad thing

GOD THIS POST IS SO MUCH LONGER THEN I MEANT IT TO BE IM SORRY

but Yeah. Them.

i love this au a helleva lot more than i should but that’s Fine cause i’ve got thoughts for days on it

[punkenglishnerd]

Why has Katie (punkenglishnerd) been absent from tumblr for 3 months? Is she coming back? Answers to these questions are under the cut (it’s kinda a long post which is why I put it under the cut).

I’ve been thinking about making this post for a while now, and as March comes to a close I decided that it’s about time I make it. I wanted to explain my absence and talk about some things I’ve been wrestling with regarding my blog. I know that I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I want to give one anyway.

Some of you might have noticed that I’ve been completely absent from this platform for practically all of 2021. The last thing I posted was on Jan 1 about my 2021 goals, one of which was to dedicate more time to my tumblr again. But needless to say, I didn’t follow through on that one. I don’t regret taking a step back from tumblr. Sure, I do still feel guilty some days, but I want to explain why I needed to take a break from this platform:

I was starting to feel an overwhelming pressure to keep up my blog, to be active every day, etc. With a growing number of followers, I felt that if I wasn’t on every day and if I wasn’t posting original content and reblogging others’ content every day, I would be letting my followers down. In actuality, would people really care or notice if I wasn’t active every single day? Probably not. But did I convince myself of that and in turn put unrealistic pressure on myself to perform in the way I thought was expected of me? Sure did! I never thought I would be the type of person to get hung up on my number of followers, but when it started growing and growing I put more and more pressure on myself to maintain and grow the amount of followers I had by constantly being active (which was hella hard to keep up considering I have a busy schedule and work fulltime). Basically, I pressured myself so much that I eventually burnt out and had to leave the platform altogether.

I was feeling discouraged with the dark academia community I love so much. It was so disheartening seeing so much stolen content every day, people refusing to give credit where credit is due, etc. I know that it’s something that’s out of my control, but it was hard accepting that I just have to live with/deal with this negative aspect of an overwhelmingly positive community.

It’s a common occurrence that as your platform grows, so does the amount of hate you receive. I’ve seen my fair share of discourse on my blog, arguments, anonymous hate messages, racial slurs thrown at me, etc. I always tried to deal with these things with a level head and to encourage a communicative, calm, and respectful dialogue. But it always did take a huge emotional toll on me, no matter how cool and collected I seemed in my responses, and near the end of 2020 it felt like me/my blog was involved in some kind of discourse about every two weeks, or at the very least every month.

So now the question must be asked: Am I going to return to tumblr? The answer is… I don’t know yet. Tumblr does have such a huge piece of my heart and has been a part of my life for years and years. I do genuinely miss it. But I want to make sure that my relationship with this site and with my blog is a healthy one. I don’t want to slip into old habits of pressuring myself so much that it starts to feel like a chore rather than fun. I don’t want to start getting overwhelmed over negative aspects of the DA community again. I don’t want to keep spiraling because of discourse, hate, and toxic anonymous messages. I can’t make any promises on whether I’ll officially be back or not. Right now, all I can say is that I’ll try it out, dip my toes in the water again, and we’ll see how things go from there.

Feel free to reach out in my inbox or private messages if you have any questions or anything! One thing I do dearly miss about tumblr is interacting with everyone and chatting in my messages or asks :’)

PS: In my absence from tumblr, one platform I have been constantly using is IG. I have an academia aesthetic/bookstagram IG (my username is punkenglishnerd, same as on here). Feel free to follow me there if you want more consistent original punkenglishnerd content lol :)

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Okay what about going to the pumpkin patch and carving them with Calum

I can do that. Reader Insert. No gender or race. 

Halloween blurb night going until 8PM PDT. Writing for Shawn Mendes, 5sos, Harry Styles and FAHC. 

See the Halloween Blurb Night Masterlist. 

Enjoy my complete masterlist. 

_____________________

The air is crisp but not too cool as you sit out in the backyard. Your cup of tea is still steaming. Calum’s mug of coffee is creating small tufts of clouds as its own warmth escapes it into the cooler air. The beanie on Calum’s head is low and covers his forehead and ears as he stands, green bag in hand and tying it close. Duke trots up to the door that leads back inside. The thud of the garbage bin top hardly disrupts the call of the birds flying over head. 

“Halloween’s soon. Want to do something?” Calum asks after going inside to wash his hands and settling back down next to you. After the mugs are emptied, the two of you will take Duke for a walk and then the rest of the day will be all to yourself. 

You shrug. “Like should we throw a party?”

“Believe me when I say there are plenty of others that have that covered. But possibly a pumpkin carving? Just us? I dunno. Or a group if you want.”

“The patch in town’s probably got slim pickings now.”

“I know about one a little further out that Luke told me about. He and Sierra went to the one close by and said there wasn’t much left to it either.”

“I’d be down for a road trip,” you agree before taking another sip from your mug. The tea’s still warm enough that the moment it touches your tongue you recoil slightly. “Gagh!” you exclaim. 

Calum chuckles from next to you. “Patience, young grasshopper.” He digs in the tease by taking a pointed sip of coffee. 

“Curse your burnt nerve endings.”

Your walk with Duke is nice. Most of the neighborhood hasn’t waken up yet. It’s early and the sun’s hardly turned the sky a hazy pink to signal the start of the day. As Duke pulls a little on the leash, his nose dug brushing the base of a bush as if something is wrong, Calum makes a quip about being a better pumpkin carver than you. 

“That’s a lot of talk there,” you laugh, gazing up into the more normal sky. The sun’s climbed out more from the horizon, the sky it’s bright blue. “Put your money where your mouth is?” you asks. 

“You the betting type?”

“Against you, Hood? Any day of the week. But we need to find out who’s judging?”

“Poll on IG. Let the public decide,” Calum returns. 

“Fine by me.” The three of you soon start back up and then loop back around to the house. The scents are as new this time around as on the initial loop. Duke is content just to trot along. Back home, you shower and change. You find that it’s at least an hour and half drive so while Calum gets ready, you decide to put together a little basket with some snacks and something for lunch. 

“Having a picnic too?” Calum asks as he slips into his leather jacket, noticing the basket in your head. 

“Just some snacks. In case.”

He kisses the center of your forehead. “Snacks are always important.”

The two of you discuss what’s the best shape of pumpkin to get and what ideas you have. Though the conversation slowly fizzles out and the twinges of the guitars swell around you from the radio. Gazing out of the window you watch the buildings pass by you. It’s all stationary. All unmoving but somehow constantly moving forward too. And maybe that’s just you. Maybe that’s just you constantly moving forward and like from the window of the car it all seems to be moving with you. 

A hand settles into your knee and without thinking you wrap your fingers around Calum’s hand. His thumb brushes along the skin of your hands and it’s just comfort--that’s all you can describe it as as the world stays and you move and Calum rubs and your hand. 

Calum takes your hand as you walk into the patch itself. There are more pumpkins that you anticipated being left but you can still some haven’t weathered the test of time too well. Calum spies a pretty decent looking section and tugs on your hand before nodding in that direction. You follow behind him. Pausing him only once to show him the teeny tiny pumpkins. He laughs at the way you pout. 

“Go on. Grab one,” he encourages and you zip off to grab the most robust looking one of the tiny ones. It fits all too well in the grip of your curled palm and you finally come to the section Calum noticed. 

You turn over pumpkin, pressing inspecting them and trying to envision your design onto it. Calum goes off a little ways, not too far but he too is inspect his choices. You find one that’s tall enough to handle the idea you had for a little cartoon like ghost on the pumpkin and still have some width to it. Clutching your pumpkin close you set the tiny one on top and trot over to Calum, who’s crouched now, tracing over a pumpkin with his fingers. It looks like he’s spelling out something, but you can’t be sure.

“That’s a thinkin’ face if I ever seen one,” you tease. 

He looks up, the sun casting the perfect glow around you and the fly aways of your hair. “Yeah thinking of all the ways I can kick your ass carving this pumpkin.”

You scoff. “You don’t have a tiny one. Clearly, two pumpkins are better than one.”

He laughs. “Clearly.”

“Can we stop by a craft store too? I don’t think we have paints at the house and I have an idea that involves painting the tiny one.”

“Yeah, we can make a stop.” Calum places the pumpkin back onto it’s bottom and searches around for another moment. He spies another one that he thinks might be wide enough for his plan. He stands with a small grunt and throws a pointed finger up at you. “Not a peep.”

You roll your lips together to keep the snicker at bay and trot behind him as he carries on and squats yet again at another potential canvas of the squash variety. He traces again with his finger and you watch out over the patch to take in the sounds of some children and possibly teens laughing. Their smiles are big as they survey their pumpkin pickings. 

“Alright, you all set?”

“Been set,” you return still watching the young group pick up pumpkins to each the group. 

After paying for your pumpkins you set them into the trunk and Calum pulls out the basket. There are some benches right on the edge of the makeshift public lot and Calum suggest a small reprieve to munch on the snacks you packed. Though the food break is short, you enjoy taking the moment just to sneak jelly onto the tip of Calum’s nose. 

“Hey!” he calls out with a laugh. He scrunches his nose and face up when you stretch across and lick it off. “You’re disgusting.”

“And you taste like grape jelly.”

Back home, with pumpkin carving sets and paints spread out on the table in the backyard, and old newspapers from the local gas station covering the table, the two of you set out to cut open, deseed, and carve your pumpkins. You sit across from Calum and can only see the way his tongue peeks out from his lips as he takes the sharpie carefully over the ridges and bumps of the pumpkin. 

You cut open and pulled out the seeds to the big one but switched to painting your tiny pumpkin first so it could try while you wrestled with your actual carving. The little witches hat is perfect on the tiny one and you set it off the side before exhaling and turning to you big on. 

“Scared now? Got you shakin’ in your boots, I reckon. Going up against a professional.” Calum grins, driving the tiny saw into the rind. His sleeves that he previously rolled up are starting to slip. 

“You wish. I’m exhaling because I know you want to, but you’re too scared to show that I’m getting into your head.”

Calum pauses, eyebrow raised but you’ve turned attention back to your carving. And it’s true. You are in his head. But not the way you think and the shakes come back. They first started in the pumpkin patch. He was going to stick with you until you picked yours but he needed a moment to breathe. His plan would work. It would all work out. You two had been dating for three years at this point. You had moved in with him. You two had worked out so that you’d spend Christmas one year with your family and the other with his--but you always made sure on the years that you spent Christmas with your family, that you spend News Years with Joy and David in Australia. 

You coming home for the holidays, or Calum coming home with you weren’t even a point of discussion--in that it was a big deal. Everyone’s family just knew. Where one of you was, the other wouldn’t be far behind. And it all just fucking worked out. So this would too. 

You giggle to yourself, setting the tiny pumpkin into the tiny whole you made so that the hat lines up perfectly onto of your cartoon ghost who’s smiling and there’s a tiny speech bubble with “Trick or treat.” It’s such a silly design but you’re so proud of it, even if your finger are covered in black paint and smell like pumpkin guts. 

“Totally kicking your ass, Hood.”

He scoffs. “I doubt it.” He looks at his pumpkin. He couldn’t go with the full design--he needed two pumpkins he realized when he got the patch. He couldn’t get two big ones it would be too suspicious. But the tiny ring he might’ve butchered attempting to carve it with his lack of art skills but it’s not terrible. The question is still legible and that’s the most important. 

You put in a tiny tea light and watch the ghost flicker and hand one over to Calum too. “Done?”

“Not quite.”

“Okay. I’m just going to start cleaning up a little bit.” The newspaper holding the pumpkin guts is thankfully layered a few times so it doesn’t make a huge mess as you walk over to the garbage can. You take the hose to try and get the paint off but you efforts will work best with soap and water.  

As you settle back down at your side of the table you take a picture of it and watch the way Calum fidgets across from you. “You okay? What’s going on?”

Calum really is a do-or-die situation. He’s already got the pumpkin carved. He just needs to ask. “Not-nothing. It’s okay. I’m done now.” He looks up to you with a tiny smile. It wavers for a second but he continues on before you can ask again. “Reveal on the count of three.”

“Yeah. One.”

“Two.”

“Three,” you two say together and spin the pumpkins around. You hear Duke’s small bark and check for a second but he’s off in the corner tussling with one of his toys and your turn your attention back to the task at hand. 

As you turn back around there’s tiny ring box sitting next to Calum’s pumpkin. Open to a gold band. It’s ornate but still simple without being overly decorated with gems. Marry me? is carved into the pumpkin. You gasps looking up to find Calum and he’s hand settles onto your knees, bringing your attention to your side. The tears blur his face for just a moment. 

“I know you hate too much attention and even the thought of asking this in some stuffy overpriced restaurant wasn’t ideal for me either. But we’ve had a really great three years. And I love you. I don’t know how else to say it is. I want as many years with you as you’ll give me. So, will you marry me?”

You nod before your teeth, tongue and lips and push out the word, “Yes.” Once you can speak, you chant yes over and over even as Calum slips the ring onto your ring and you slip down out of your chair to burrow your face into his chest. “Oh my god, yes. I’d be so honored to marry you,” you exhale bringing your head up to gaze at him. “So, so honored.”

The kiss is soft and short and you both giggle into you. “My ghost pumpkin seems so stupid now.” 

“Your witch ghost is so cute. And thank you. For allowing me into your life.”

[tickle-bugs]

i realize that i'm in,,,, DIRE need of ticklish!sam winchester headcanons bc i love ur mind buggy

I adore Sam,, I have a very special place in my heart for Moose

- Not only is Sam a younger brother, he’s Dean’s younger brother, which means he is very acquainted with his ticklishness. Growing up with Dean meant lots of wrestling + tickle fights over the stupidest shit.

- He’s pretty ticklish everywhere but under his arms/ribs + his knees will literally kill him,, he cackles 

- Overall though his laugh is so nice,,, It’s super loud and warm and fills the whole room, wall to wall, and its so sweet,,, if I could assign it a scent? vanilla

- His most common reaction is a lil yelp + grabbing his lers hands and if they keep going, his nose and eyes scrunch up while he giggles and clings to them 

- His instinct is to Grab so he pulls his lers close a lot, aware of how contradictory it is, and everyone always teases him for being so huggy

- Sam can hold his own in a tickle fight without question. Laughter will temporarily incapacitate him and you’ll think you’ve won but nope, Sam’s flipping you now oh no 

- This is so easily countered by tickles under his arms it just...puts him out of commission. It’s such a bad spot for him his brain bluescreens and he just,, falls over. He’ll definitely still squirm and try to get away but if he doesn’t have a personal stake in it he’ll give up and try for revenge later :)

- He gets so annoyed by like? Tickle challenges? But in this adorably stubborn sort of way. Like he can’t keep his arms up/stay quiet no matter what, but he has to, but then he immediately starts laughing and his arms shoot down. But Sam, ever determined, just puts his arms back up and draws his brows together in concentration, just for the same thing to happen again. 

- He’s squirmy but when his knees are tickled he kicks he just can’t help it! he throws his head back and does a funky lil jig because it!!!! tickles!!!!!

- Sam is so cute like,, the way he changes based on his ler is absurd. If his s/o is tickling him he hides his face/holds their hands but doesn't really fight back,, he just takes it bc he loves them then gets revenge after,,, He’s pretty much the same with friends but he tends to turn Everything into a tickle fight because of his pride,,, if it’s Dean it’s not a tickle fight it’s a war. If Dean wants to get Sam he’s gonna have to work for it because Sam is Feral and will not go down under his brother’s hands (even though he usually does)

- Residual laughter is his middle name. He is so giggly afterwards and just,,, smiley and cuddly and happy like he’s a very physical person? He loves being physical with people he loves? 

- He will get up and offer his ler a drink after he’s been wrecked because, well, he’s thirsty so his ler must be too, right? King of aftercare but like, it’s his own aftercare ig? 

- He’s not really embarrassed about being ticklish but if Dean even breathes about it Sam’s eyes glow and he goes AAAAAAAAAAA and takes Dean down

[jilyss]

what happens in greece shouldn’t stay in greece

my take on “2 people I know who broke up years ago are on separate romantic vacations w their partners iN THE SAME GREEK TOWN and Im just sitting here watching it unfold on ig, where they have each other blocked. ”

read on Ao3

Lily stretched out onto the warm sand, letting it settle around her fingers and toes. Sighing happily, she shifted so that her head was resting on her boyfriend Blake’s stomach. His fingers moved to play lazily with her red hair tied back in a messy bun, and she closed her eyes, letting the sun coat her skin. 

“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” Blake murmured, and she could feel the rumble in his stomach as he spoke. They were on a vacation in Lindos, Greece, a small town on the coast. While it was still a touristy town, it was relatively quiet compared to the busy city of Athens they had visited yesterday. At the moment, there were only a few families and couples scattered along the beach, splashing in the water and enjoying the sun.  

“The best place I’ve ever visited,” Lily replied, falling into a peaceful quiet. But within a few minutes, she was already hot, feeling a light sheen of sweat break out on her skin. Sitting up, she pulled off her shirt, revealing a yellow bikini. “Do you want to go in the water? I’m a little hot.”

Blake shook his head, reaching for his phone. “I’m good. Maybe in a minute?”

Lily nodded, shifting again so that she was lying sprawled out next to him, and forced herself to relax in the sun.

XXX

Marlene was sitting next to her roommate Dorcas, watching the newest episode of the Bachelor, and mindlessly scrolling through Instagram when she saw Blake’s newest post of his and Lily’s Greece trip. She double tapped it, not thinking much about it since Lily had sent her a nearly identical picture a few hours ago to prove they were still alive. 

She tossed the phone onto the couch and stood up. “Lily seems like she really likes Blake,” she called as she opened the fridge. “Think they’re gonna move into together after their trip?”

Dorcas shook her head. “No way. I mean, she might be ready, but I don’t think Blake is the type to commit this soon. How long have they been dating?” 

“I think they took this trip because it’s been a year. I don’t think that was the ‘official’ reason or whatever, but yeah, it’s been a year.”

“Hmm,” Dorcas said, eyes focused back on the tv. “I hope Lily isn’t expecting anything.”

Marlene closed the fridge, holding a bottle of Dr. Pepper. Sitting down next to Dorcas, she propped her legs up and pulled out her phone again. “I don’t think so. She’s been warier this time around than with her other boyfriends. She always goes into everything headstrong, you know? Loves first and asks questions later? I think she’s trying to take it slower with Blake.”

Dorcas nodded, tucking her legs underneath her. “Hopefully Blake sticks. I mean, he’s a little arrogant sometimes, but I think he’s been my favorite so far, besides James, I mean.”

Marlene snorted. “Just don’t tell Lily that. She’ll blow your head off.” Dorcas grinned. Marlene went back to scrolling through Instagram, bored. 

As Dorcas reached for the chip bag next to Marlene, Marlene suddenly sat straight up, eyes wide and staring at her screen. 

“Wha - Mar, what’s wrong?” Dorcas said, tugging at the chip bag. “Let me have some chips - “

“It’s not that,” Marlene said, waving her free hand frantically. “Look at this.” She shoved the phone into Dorcas’s face. It showed a picture of James and his friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, snorkeling just off the coast of a beach. Dorcas’s eyes flicked up to the location at the top of the picture. Lindos, Greece. Her eyes narrowed. 

“Isn’t that where -”

“Yes! Lily and James are in the same town.” Marlene bolted out of her chair, pacing anxiously around the room. “And I’m pretty sure James still has her blocked on Instagram, and Lily barely checks anyway. Dor, do you know what this means?”

Dorcas rolled her eyes. “So what? The probability that they run into each other is super low, and even if they do, it’s going to end up in a big fight, just like every other time they’ve seen each other since.”

Marlene’s eyes flashed excitedly. “I’m calling Sirius, right now.”

Now Dorcas jumped up, reaching out to grab the phone from Marlene’s hand. “Marlene! You can’t just -”

Marlene jumped out of Dorcas’ reach, standing on the couch. Dorcas followed her, and practically leapt on top of her, laughing as she pulled her down and wrestled the phone out of her hand. 

Holding it above her head, Dorcas used her other hand to push Marlene away. “If we interfere now, it’ll throw both of them into a nervous wreck and ruin their vacations.” Marlene lunged at Dorcas, who stepped neatly away, grinning. “It’ll be much better if we let them just find each other. It’s a small town, there’s a good chance they will run into each other at the beach already.”

Marlene stepped back, eyes widening as she understood Dorcas’ plot. “What happens if they don’t run into each other?” 

Dorcas shrugged. “If they’re meant to be, they’ll run into together sooner than later.”

Marlene snatched her phone back and sat down heavily on the couch. “Fine, I won’t call Sirius. But, if Lily hasn’t seen him by her last day, I’m calling him.”

Dorcas shoved her legs off the couch so that she could sit down. “Deal.” 

XXX

At exactly 8:00 am, Remus’ alarm went off and four men collectively groaned. James, who was sleeping closest to alarm, tapped at the phone’s screen aggressively until he hit the snooze button. No one moved otherwise until it went off a few minutes later, and Remus finally sat up, rubbing at his eyes. “We gotta get going if we want to make it anywhere before all the tourists get there.” When no one moved, he pulled the covers off of Peter, who he was sharing the bed with, who instantly groaned and curled into a ball. 

Remus shuffled out of bed and pulled the covers off of James and Sirius, who reacted similarly. They had been out late the night before, at a local bar and had had one too many drinks, but Remus was determined to make the most of their vacation, so despite his hangover, he was getting up. 

Their Airbnb room was already littered with various clean and dirty clothing items, and when James finally got up, he had to sort through until he found a clean outfit. Head pounding, he got dressed and wishing that he hadn’t gotten so crazy last night. He hadn’t meant to drink as much as he did, but it had been a long time since he had gotten that wasted that he had let himself get carried away. By the time he was finally dressed, Sirius was still in bed. James chucked a pillow at him, and when Sirius didn’t even flinch, jumped on top of him. 

“James - urgh!”

A few minutes later, Remus was pushing everyone out the door, ready for another day in Greece. 

XXX

“Hey babe, look at this,” Blake said, grabbing Lily’s hand, and pulling her over to a vendor’s stall filled with tea bags and glowing candles. Instantly, she broke out into a huge smile. She had always loved candles, especially the smell just after lighting them. 

Lily let her fingers slip from Blake’s to pick up the one closest to her, taking a deep breath of the lemon lavender candle. She spun around, intending to show Blake when she thought she saw a figure pass by in the corner of her eye. Confused at the familiarity of the figure, she tried to step out of the vendor’s stall to get a better view of the person, but Blake stepped in her way, handing her another candle. 

Shaking her head, Lily focused back on Blake. She had to have been seeing things - the chances of seeing him in Greece, were impossible, and it had to have been someone who had a similar body type. 

“You want to get anything?” Blake asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Lily shook her head, still distracted. 

“I’ve got plenty already. Do you want to go get lunch soon? I’m starving.”

XXX

Later that afternoon, Lily had almost completely forgotten that she had seen her ex-boyfriend’s lookalike in Greece. But not quite. Every dark-haired stranger that was taller than her caught her eye for the rest of the day, but finally, after dinner when they had wandered down to the beach to watch the sunset, she managed to forget about it as she stepped side by side with Blake. 

They had just sat down on a pier bench, with a view of the boardwalk and the beach in front of them, when Blake cleared his throat. “Can we talk for a minute?” 

Lily gave him a questioning look, suddenly nervous. “Yeah, of course. What’s up?”

Blake glanced at his hands, which were twisting in his lap and cleared his throat again. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… about us.” Lily’s heart rate skyrocketed, and she couldn’t breathe. Blake reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box, but didn’t open it. “A lot of people wanted me to propose on this trip. But you - I don’t think we’re ready for that yet.” He laughed lightly. “But I am ready to make a promise and move in together. I love you, and I know it’s cheesy or whatever - but I know how I feel about you, and I know where I want us to end up.” 

Lily gasped as he opened the velvet box to reveal a small diamond encased in a silver ring. He held the ring out to her, and Lily took a deep breath. 

Unbidended, a memory of the man she thought she had seen earlier popped back into her head. Late one night, she and the man she had been almost positive she was going to marry, had snuck to the top of a building and stayed until the sun had gone down. Wrapped in a blanket together, and laughing together was the happiest Lily had ever felt. 

“Lily?” Blake’s voice brought her back to the present, and she rapidly blinked away the image of James’ unruly black hair and sparkling eyes. “Are you ok?”

Lily smiled, trying to shake off the weird feeling surrounding her. “Yeah, you just surprised me.” She took Blake’s free hand and squeezed it tightly. “I think a promise ring is a great idea. Um…” 

He raised an eyebrow as she trailed off. “Is something wrong?” 

Lily bit her lip, glancing up at him. “I don’t want to put the ring on my ring finger if that’s alright with you? You know how my friends are, and I still want to take this slow so -”

“Oh yeah, of course. I wouldn’t expect you to.” Blake grabbed her right hand and put the ring on her ring finger. “We’re taking it slow, I know.” 

Lily pulled him in for a kiss, taking her time to show him how much she appreciated the gesture. The longer kiss was definitely not because she had thought of her ex-boyfriend when she thought her current boyfriend was proposing and she felt guilty. 

XXX

Earlier that afternoon, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had rented bikes to go up and down the boardwalk as the sun had gone down. The cool air from the ocean mixing with the heat of the day had made everything seem calm and peaceful amongst an orange sky. Letting the wind push their backs, they took their time biking home. 

XXX

Blake stood up, grabbing Lily’s hand. “Let’s go back to the hotel?” He whispered in her ear, sending goosebumps down her arm. Lily nodded, laying her head on his shoulder as they began the walk back. His fingers wandered down her back, and although at any other time Lily would have loved the attention, tonight, she couldn’t stop comparing Blake with James, and she hated herself for it. The unwanted memory that had popped up had brought emotions she had forgotten about to the surface, and the whole reason she was taking it so slow with Blake in the first place. Pushing the thoughts aside once again, she planted a kiss on Blake’s cheek. 

XXX

Sirius brought his bike to a screeching halt, nearly causing Remus to crash into him. As the rest of them stopped, he reached out with one hand to get James’ attention. “Is that Evans?”

“What?” Peter asked. “Are you out of your mind? We’re in Greece.”

“No, no - over there, by that bench. Is that Evans?”

James’ heart rate quickened, and his breath caught as he caught sight of Lily Evans. There was no doubt in his mind that that was her. Her red hair caught in the golden hour lighting, and her skirt swished around her long legs that he knew so well. Swallowing hard, he shook his head. “Nope, not her.” 

Sirius shot him a pained look. “That’s Evans.” He sat back on his bike and stood up to pedal. “I’m going to go say hi. Oi, Evans!”

“No, Sirius! No!” James called after him, grabbing onto the back of his shirt. “You can’t -”

But it was too late. Lily glanced over her shoulder and spotted the Sirius pedaling towards her, and the three men standing sheepishly behind him. 

“Sirius? What are you doing here?” Lily detached herself from Blake, only holding onto his hand now. As her eyes took in the four men that used to be her best friends, her heart twisted painfully in her chest. When James and Lily had first broken up, they had done their best to stay in touch, but it had gotten too hard for Lily to stay near James, and she had eventually stopped returning their calls. 

“I just couldn’t stay away, Evans,” Sirius smirked, stopping right next to them. He glanced over at Blake and stuck out his hand. “Sirius, Lily’s former friend.”

“I’m Blake, Lily’s boyfriend.” Blake tightened his grip on Lily’s hand, pulling her closer, but shook Sirius’ hand. 

James, Peter, and Remus made their way over, and each introduced themselves to Blake. “How’ve you been, Lily? We haven’t seen much of you lately,” Remus asked. 

“Good!” Lily said quickly, trying to break the awkward tension that hung around them. “I got a new job at Time, so I’m keeping busy.”

“What are you guys doing here?” Peter asked. 

James looked away from Blake and Lily, having not said much. They had broken up over a year ago, and he had gotten over her, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt that she had a boyfriend, and especially since he still couldn’t bring himself to date seriously. 

“Couple’s getaway,” Blake said, kissing her cheek and pulled her even closer. Lily tried to smile, but no longer felt comfortable with him in front of her former friends. “What about you?”

“Remus just finished up his medical school, and the rest of us decided to take a vacation before he went into residency,” Peter said.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, Evans?” Sirius blurted out, eyeing Lily and Blake carefully.  

“Um, yeah sure.” Lily let go of Blake, sending him a quick smile, and followed Sirius a distance off to the side, leaving Blake with the three other men. 

“What’s up?” Lily said, folding her arms and watching Sirius carefully. Knowing him, she knew he wasn’t going to be gentle, so she prepared herself for whatever blunt fact he threw at her. Not being one to hold back, Sirius started talking immediately.

“What’s up with you and Blake? Are you guys engaged?” 

Lily shook her head, holding up her right hand. “Promised, I guess. As of today.”

“Hasn’t it been a year?” 

Lily frowned. “A year isn’t a very long time -”

“And yet when you were with James you were ready to say yes within a year. What’s the difference?”

Lily shrugged. “I guess I learned my lesson. I need more time.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “That’s bullshit, Lily, and you know it. What’s Blake holding out for?”

“It’s not him that holding out, it’s me,” Lily whispered, her eyes suddenly stinging. Sirius always had a way of making all her emotions come out at once with his honesty. “I’m just not ready for the next step.”

“You mean he’s not James?” 

Lily glared at him. “What are you trying to do Sirius? James and I broke up because James freaked out over marriage, and said he was never ready to get married and didn’t want any type of long term commitment.”

Sirius shrugged. “I’m not trying to do anything. All I know is that it’s been over a year, and James still barely smiles or goes on any dates. You got a boyfriend three months later, Marlene says you aren’t as happy as you were with James, and you don’t even talk to us anymore.”

Lily let a single tear slip out and brushed it away angrily. She looked over her shoulder, at James and Blake, standing side by side, talking politely. “You know I couldn’t hang out with you guys anymore because James is always there.”

Sirius was quiet for a minute. “Come back, Lily.”

“What?” Lily choked out, brushing back another tear. 

“Ditch Blake. You and James are meant to be.” 

Lily swallowed hard. “You’re talking for James? If he wants this, he should man up and come talk to me himself.”

“No, I’m not… he’s not - look all I’m saying is that-”

“I’m with Blake now,” Lily said firmly, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. “James and I are over. I’m not sure how we ended up here, at the same time, but I would really like to just… not see James again.”

Sirius shrugged, turning on his heel. “Fine.”

As they rejoined the group, Blake tucked Lily under his arm. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, all good,” Lily said, sneaking a glance at James, who was staring at the ground. She waved at Remus and Peter, both standing with their hands shoved in their pockets. “I’ll see you later, I guess.” 

They murmured their goodbyes, and then Lily and Blake walked quickly away. As they made their way to the hotel room, Lily checked her phone and saw that Marlene had called her. 

“Hey, Marly called, I’ll be right in,” She told Blake, and made her way down the elevator and into the hotel lobby before she called. 

“Hey Mar, did you call me?”

“Yeah, Sirius just called me. Said you might need some help. What’s up?” 

“Huh, that’s surprising coming from Sirius. Did he tell you what happened?” Lily collapsed heavily on a plush red chair. 

“That you saw each other on the boardwalk in Greece, but that was it.”

“He thinks I should get back together with James.”

“What?” Marlene shrieked so loudly that Lily had to pull the phone away from her ear. “James wants to get back together?”

“No, no. At least, I don’t think so. Did you tell Sirius that I’m not happy?”

The other end of the line was quiet. 

“Marlene.” 

“Ok, don’t get mad at me, but he called like two months ago? Just to catch up, you know, and I might have mentioned that you were happier with James than you are with Blake.”

Lily wanted to reach through the phone and strangle Marlene. “What does that even mean?” 

“It means that Blake is nice and all, but you and James… you guys were just meant for each other.”

Lily groaned, leaning back, and kicking her feet up on the coffee table. “I’m so confused Marlene.”

“Wait, you’re actually considering this?”

“No, yes, well, no, definitely not, but I thought I saw James earlier today, and then Blake gave me a promise ring, but there was this moment James popped into my head during that and I haven’t been able to shake it all day, and I love Blake and I don’t even know if James loves me anymore, and I can’t just leave Blake because he wants to get married and James doesn’t and -”

“Lily, Lily, Lily, can you please just calm down for a minute? “Look, James wasn’t ready back then. But maybe he is now. And I know you love Blake but are you completely over James? In my opinion - Look, you got together with Blake three months after you guys broke up. I don’t really think you were ever over James.”

“You’re just telling me this now?” Lily sighed. “So what do you think I should do?”

“Call James.” 

“Are you out of your mind? While I’m with Blake?”

“Lily, sometimes you are too good for your own good.” Lily could practically see Marlene’s face through the phone, exasperated and impressed. “You can explain to him later. But you never know what could happen. If anything, it will get you some closure.”

Lily sighed again, sweeping her fingers through her hair. “Fine. See you in a few days.”

After hanging up, she pulled up James’ contact information and set the phone on her lap. She sat staring at the phone for almost half an hour, tapping her finger on it occasionally as the screen went dark. Her brain was a jumbled mess. 

When she had first met Blake, it had been an accident. Marlene had invited Lily to a party but had left twenty minutes in, leaving Lily alone. Blake had taken pity on her and talked to her for most of the night, and before Lily really thought about it, they were dating. Thinking back, Lily wasn’t even sure that she had consciously made a decision to date him, it had just kind of… happened. Obviously, that wasn’t the start to a healthy relationship, but Lily, still in a James induced post-breakup fog, wasn’t thinking straight. 

The more Lily thought about it, she more she realized that she hadn’t been entirely truthful to Blake, not that she had even known. At the beginning of the relationship, she still loved James, and if she was completely honest with herself, she still did. 

Admitting that simple fact, that yes, Lily Evans, still loved James Potter, gave Lily more questions than answers. What if James didn’t love her anymore? Had he gotten over her? Was Sirius right? And if Marlene and Sirius were right about James being ready to move forward, what was Lily going to do about it?

Before Lily could do anything, Lily’s phone lit up with a text from Blake. 

wya?

A second later, her screen changed, indicating a call from James. Heart racing, Lily picked up the phone, at war with herself over what to do. Squeezing her eyes shut as if she could block out the ringing, Lily tapped the green button and pressed the phone to her ear.  

“Hello?” She said softly. 

“Hey,” James murmured. There was some shuffling on his end of the line, and then silence. “Um, Sirius said you needed to talk to me?”

“That bastard,” she swore, sitting back in the chair. 

James breathed heavily on the other side of the phone, and Lily could picture him running his hands through his hair in the angry way that he so often did. “So you didn’t need to talk to me?”

“Um, no. Yes - I mean, no, not really.”

James stayed silent on the other end, knowing that she needed a minute before she could speak. 

Lily bit her lip again, bouncing her knee up and down. “Sirius told me that you haven’t been yourself lately.”

James cursed bitterly again and Lily instantly felt bad. She hadn’t meant to start so abruptly, and that wasn’t she even wanted to talk about. “He said that? Things have just been really busy at work lately, and you know my parents are getting older. I guess I’m just a little stressed. I’m fine.”

Lily nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about, actually.” She took a deep breath as if to say something, but couldn’t form the words of what she actually wanted to say. 

“Ok, I’m listening…”

“Do you still love me?” Lily cursed herself for starting so abruptly again, but kept talking anyway. “Don’t answer that. I mean, when I first started dating Blake, I still loved you. And seeing you today, and talking to Sirius, made me realize that… I might still love you.”

“Fuck Lily, I - you can’t just come out of left field and say that. You - We broke up over a year ago and I - you broke it off because I was scared, how are you still - why would you still love me?” Lily could hear James’ anger in his voice. “You wanted marriage, and I wasn’t ready for it, so you broke it off. And now you want it again?”

Lily’s throat clenched, and she swallowed tightly. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

“Do you love Blake? He seems like a nice enough guy.”

“Yes,” Lily whispered.

“Then it seems like you have a problem.” James' voice was hard and cold. “I’m not your second option Lily, and you weren’t willing to just wait  -”

“What do you want now, James?” Lily pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do you still love me?” 

The question hung between them, fraught with tension and longing. It was silent on both ends, and Lily let out a silent, shaky, breath. 

“No. It’s too late. I - sorry.” 

Lily had to hold the phone away as she felt tears stream down her face. “Alright. I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah. Bye.” James hung up, and Lily stifled a sob through her hand. The hotel receptionist sitting on the other side of the lobby cast her a sympathetic look, and Lily realized that she hadn’t exactly been quiet while talking to James. Wiping her eyes, she straightened out her shirt, stood up, and walked back to the hotel room. 

XXX

Lily was able to successfully avoid any questions about her phone call when she returned to Blake but spent the rest of the trip trying to stay as positive as she could. Two days after seeing James and Sirius, Lily and Blake were packing up to return home. 

As Lily haphazardly tucked the last of her swimsuits into her suitcase, Blake wrapped his arms around her from behind, lifting her off her feet for a second. Lily laughed, using one hand to push him off while she used the other to zip the suitcase. She turned around in his arms, giving him a quick kiss before dodging his next attempt.

Blake righted her suitcase, then turned around, folding his arms. “Is everything ok with you? You seem… off.”

Lily flashed a small smile. “I think I’m just a little jetlagged. It’s finally catching up to me.”

Blake raised his eyebrows. “C’mon Lily, I know you better than that. What’s really wrong? Is it the promise ring? Was it too fast? We can always -”

“No, no - I just - Seeing James here really surprised me. It kind of threw me for a loop for a minute.”

“Oh.” Blake took a step back, looking disappointed. “A lot of people told me that you weren’t over him yet when we started dating.” Lily’s eyes darted up to look at him. “I didn’t want to believe it because -”

“Blake.” Lily took a deep breath, stopping him before he could say anything else that hit too close to home. “Looking back on it, I don’t think I was a hundred percent over him before we started dating but I didn’t realize it at the time.”

“So… I’m a rebound?”

“No! I mean, no - I always wanted to be serious.”

Blake took in a big breath, leaning back against the wall behind him. “Were you only interested in me because I eventually wanted to get married? I mean that’s why you broke up with James, right? Because he didn’t want to get married?” Lily felt his eyes bore into her and she shut her eyes tightly. When she didn’t reply, he said quietly “Talk to me, Lily. Do you still love him?”

Lily’s chest felt like it had been wrenched open and her heart had been smashed to pieces. Because it was true. She was still in love with James, despite ignoring it for the better part of a year, and seeing him again had opened that hole in her heart once again. 

“Maybe we should just go home. I think we’re both a little jet-lagged -”

“Damn it, Lily, just tell me!”

Lily threw her hands into the air, shrugging. “I don’t know! I thought I was way past it, I was in love with you, and then I saw James and now…”

“You love James again.”

Lily stayed quiet while Blake moved to sit behind her on the bed. Voice cracking, Lily said, “Maybe we should take a break.”

“If you still love him… I think this is over, Lily.”

“No - Blake, I don’t - Give me a week, and I’ll-” Lily stopped herself. Looking at her current situation, Lily couldn’t see herself marrying Blake, and James wasn’t going to talk to her again. There was no way a ‘break’ could make any of this work out, and she needed to move on - from Blake and James - and accept it. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, tucking a strand of loose hair back. 

“Me too,” Blake said quietly. “Was any of it even real for you? Or did I just waste a year of my life?”

“It was real, all of it.” Lily smiled through her tears, standing up and giving him a hug. “I’m sorry it ended here.”

Blake broke the hug rather abruptly, brushing a tear back himself. “I’ll uh… catch the first flight back. Goodbye, Lily.” He grabbed his suitcase, gave her one last quick smile, and walked out the door. 

And just like that, Lily was alone, in a lonely hotel room, on the other side of the world as her friends. 

As soon as the door closed, Lily fell back on the bed, using a pillow to muffle her sobs. She cried so hard that she could barely breathe, gasping for air through the wave of tears and snot rolling down her face. 

It must have been hours before she was finally able to pull herself together enough to remember that she was had a flight to catch. Assuming Blake had already caught a flight, she was going to be able to take their already scheduled flight home. She pulled up the boarding pass on her phone and realized that the plane was scheduled to leave in less than an hour. 

Checking the time was enough to almost make her start crying again, but she was drained, and no more tears came out. Instead, she stumbled her way into the bathroom, where she stripped off her clothes and turned on a cold shower. 

Over an hour later, her face still red and puffy, she emerged from the bathroom, dressed in loose shorts and a t-shirt. She grabbed her phone, took a steadying breath, and dialed Marlene, who promptly answered. 

“Hey! Did you talk with James yet?” Her bright cheery voice made her burst into tears immediately. Trying to cover her sniffles, she tried to answer, but when nothing came out, she hung up the phone and tossed it onto the bed. Marlene was going to kill her for it later, but she couldn’t care less at the moment. 

Lily forced herself to drink a huge bottle of water to try to calm her pounding head and rehydrate after crying so hard. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she evaluated her options. All in all, she really only had one: book a flight home. 

But like Marlene had said, sometimes Lily was ‘too good for her own good’, so Lily decided to add a completely out of the blue second option: not go home yet. She couldn’t go home yet - Marlene and Dorcas would want to try to persuade her to get back together with James or Blake, and would refuse to accept Lily’s decision for at least a few days. Right now, Lily couldn’t handle that when she didn’t even know what she wanted for herself. She knew she couldn’t be with Blake, and although she was still in love with James, he had made it clear that it was too late. And even if it wasn’t, how would they pick up the pieces of what they had together? 

Opening her phone back up to see eight missed calls from Marlene, four from Dorcas, and two from Sirius, nearly threw Lily for a loop again. She bit down hard on her lip to check her emotions, opened her browser, and booked a cheap hotel in Athens for two more nights. She didn’t have to checkout for another three hours, which meant she still had a little bit of time to kill before she needed to leave. 

As her phone lit up again with a call from Marlene, she glanced in the mirror to see that her face, for the most part, had returned to normal. She switched her phone to airplane mode, pulled on her shoes, and walked out the door. 

And right into James. 

“James? What are you doing -”

“Why aren’t you answering anyone’s calls? Marlene has called me three times now to ask if she’s seen you,” He said flatly, arms folded against his chest. His face looked tired, and his hair more scrambled than usual. 

Lily took a small step back, looking down at her feet. “Blake and I broke up. I’m actually about to head home right now”

“Without your suitcase?”

Lily opened her mouth, ready to lie, but she knew James could see right through her, like he had always been able to. “Plane doesn’t leave for a few hours.”

“Why did you two break up?” 

Lily leaned against the doorway. “We… things were moving too fast for me. And I wasn’t-” She rolled her eyes, sighing. “You already know the rest, I guess.”

“And now you’re just going back home?” His tone was even colder than before, and he looked angry. 

Lily shot him a look. “Why did you say it like that?”

James took a step towards her, lowering his voice. “You’re just going to give up?”

“What do you mean give up? I realized that I wasn’t being honest to Blake, even if I didn’t realize it. So, we ended it.”

“And that it’s?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“You’re always the good girl, Evans, the one who always does the right thing, even when it hurts you. Why didn’t you just keep Blake and do the wrong thing for once in your life?”

Lily stepped back bewildered. “Are you serious?” Her voice raised a notch. James glanced down the hallway as a family walked by them, and pushed both of them inside, closing the door behind them. Lily continued. “Why do you even care? I made the right decision, and now I’m moving on. And for the record, I’m not doing the right thing here. I’m not going home.”

“What?” James asked, as if he hadn’t heard correctly. 

Now, Lily felt stupid. “I mean, I am, just… I decided to take a detour to Athens before I go back.” She paused, not knowing what to say next. “Why does it really matter that I did the right thing here? I’m confused.”

“Because - this would all be a lot easier if you just… stayed with him.” His eyes were downcast, and Lily suddenly realized what he was trying to say. 

“Because then it would be an easier decision for you?” She whispered. His eyes shot up to meet hers and he thrust a hand in his hair. He shrugged. 

“You left me, Lil, after one of the best years of my life. And you moved on so quick, and I thought I could never be that happy again.” When he looked up at Lily again, her heart wanted to break all over again. His face was so troubled and shattered, and it was clear that he was in pain. “If you were still together with him, I could have just checked on you and left.” His voice choked a little and he threw his hands in the air. 

“What do you want me to say, James? You freaked out - in a major way - after I mentioned marriage once, and then went AWOL on me.”

James tipped his head back, leaning into his heels. “I messed up, okay? I never pictured myself getting married when I was little because I was always with Sirius, and we never thought about the future. It wasn’t on my radar.”

“Then why were we even dating?” Lily could understand that he hadn’t thought it about marriage a lot. James wasn’t the type to get caught up in romantic daydreams, he liked to do things headfirst, and think later. But what had hurt Lily so much a year ago was that he didn’t think about the future of them together.

“Because I’ve been in love with you since we were eighteen, Evans!” James burst out. “I’ve always loved you, and -”

Lily stood up, taking one small step towards him. When he didn’t move, she took another, and another until she was close enough to feel his heat. “Does it still scare you?”

James looked down at her, glancing at her lips, then looked up to the ceiling, tipping his head back. Lily held her breath. He released his breath slowly, lowering his head so that he was looking directly at her. “No.”

Lily didn’t move, not sure that she was comprehending what was happening. She didn’t want to make a move if he didn’t want it, so she stayed frozen in place, staring at James’ hazel eyes. James inched forward so that their fronts were touching, glancing down at her lips once more. An instant later, Lily grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her, crashing her lips onto his, and wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down to her level. He responded instantly, leaning into her and putting steady pressure on her hips with his hands. Lily took a step forward, forcing him backward until he was leaning against the wall. She used one hand to thread through his soft hair - something she had missed more than a little since they had broken up, and used the other to feel the strong muscles in his back.

A second later, James flipped them around so that Lily was the one against the wall. He pulled away for a second to catch his breath and used his arm to prop himself against the wall, still inches from Lily’s head. 

“We’re really doing this?” Lily asked, letting her hands trail from James’ back to his front, up to his chest, and back into his hair. 

“Oh, hell yes,” James sighed, lips crashing down onto hers once more. Lily grinned at his eagerness, biting down softly on his lower lip. He groaned and reached down to grab her legs. She settled on his hips, pressed against the wall, just slightly taller than him. He used the height to litter her neck with kisses, and Lily knew that she would have more than a few marks in a couple of hours. 

James pulled them off the wall and lowered her down onto the bed. As Lily fell back, James stood over her, reaching up to pull off his shirt. He had just leaned down to kiss her, her nails gently scratching his tan skin, when he stopped. 

“James?”

“You were here. With Blake. In this bed.” His eyes clouded heavily, and although he was still on top of her, he lifted himself a few inches from her. 

Lily let her head fall back into the bed and closed her eyes. “I -”

“It’s fine, Lil, it’s not a big deal. Your choice of what you want to do with your body. But…”

“You don’t want to stay in the same room,” Lily finished. She sat up, and James rolled to the other side of the bed. Straightening her shirt, she tucked a loose piece of hair back. “Maybe it’s a good idea that we don’t rush right into this.”

He sat up next to her, their shoulders just brushing. “I mean, you did break up with him… three hours ago?”

Lily smiled, although a little guilt crept into her. “Almost four. But yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“We’ll get back to London, and figure everything out there. I think we both need some time before we go back to how it was.”

“Hmm,” James murmured, leaning over to kiss her again.

“Want to go to Athens?” Lily said, pulling away once again. “I mean, I know we’re not trying to rush anything, but I did book a hotel and I already paid for it, and checkout is in shit - fifteen minutes - so -”

“Lily, hey Lily!” James cut off her ramble, laughing. “Yes, yes, I’ll go to Athens with you. We don’t have to go slow on everything.”

Lily gave him a devious look and kissed him once again. James pulled away, laughing a few minutes later, checking his watch. “I uh... I better give the guys an update if I’m leaving mid-trip. I gotta cancel a flight, tell the guys, and pack my bags.” 

Lily pecked him once again but stood up. “I should probably call Marlene and tell her I’m okay.”

“I bet twenty bucks she won’t forgive you for a week.”

Lily grinned, picking up her phone. “Hm. Well, when I tell her I got back together with you, she is going to literally knock Dorcas out with her screaming.”

James opened the hotel door, tousling his hair with one hand. He leaned over and gave Lily another deep kiss, and when he finally pulled away, he winked. “Poor Dorcas.”

“Hm,” Lily murmured, swaying into him as he kissed her neck. Then, laughing gently, she pulled away, pushing on his chest gently. “Go, go tell Sirius that I’m fine. I’ll call Marlene, and meet you out front in an hour.”

“Sounds good.” James kissed her once more. “See you in a bit.”

As James walked down the hallway, Lily quietly closed the door. She collapsed on the bed, picked up her phone and dialed Marlene. The sudden changes - breaking up with Blake, getting back together with James - would take some getting used to, but the instant James had come into her hotel room, she felt a thousand times more comfortable than she ever had with Blake. And with that happy feeling, Lily gathered the last of her things, checked out of the hotel room, and went to go meet her boyfriend.

read on Ao3!

[thesportssoundoff]

“Card Depth Is A Presumption You’ve Got Headliners To Begin With” The UFC 220 Preview

Joey

Jan 17th, 2018

If we learned a single damn thing in 2017, it's that undercard depth has never ever mattered as little as it does these days. Look at the cards for UFC 211 and UFC 218 then explain to me why UFC 210 and UFC 219 outdrew those. Card depth and card quality matters little to MMA fans these days, opening the door to instead debate how MMA has swung from "these are all great fights!" to "this FIGHTER is all I need to see on it!" This all brings us to UFC 220 which will likely divide MMA fans into two distinct categories:

1) This card has the biggest main and co-main event! I need to see this! Everything else is just a bonus!

2) This card sucks and if you remove the main and co-main event then it's not even worth watching on Fight Pass!

Neither opinion is wrong per se. If names and fights with numbers next to those names really get ya giddy then this show is not for you probably. It is VERY VERY top heavy and that's very true as it pertains to fights 3 to 11. At the same time, you are getting THE biggest fights possible the UFC could make at this time sans McGregor. The two best HWs and the two best LHWs on the planet who are eligible to fight (side eye to Jones) are fighting. That should be enough to sell you on this show with a lot of really well put together evenly matched fights on the undercard which have high potential for drama and violence. If you're one of those fight fans who bemoans the lack of stars then you can look at fights 3-11 as opportunities for some good young fighters to step up and elevate themselves. There actually are some damn good fights beneath the surface and I'm going to try to point some of those out.

Fights: 11

Debuts: 4 (Matt Bessette, Julio Arce, Dan Ige, Brandon Davis)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 3 (Charles Rosa OUT, Julio Arce IN vs Dan Ige/Arnold Allen OUT, Matt Bessette IN vs Enrique Barzola, Jamie Moyle OUT, no replacement sought for Maryna Moroz )

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC):  5 (Gian Villante, Stipe Miocic, Francis Ngannou, Volkan Oezdemir and Daniel Cormier)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC:  2 (Gleison Tibau, Gian Villante)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC: 7  (Volkan Oezdemir, Stipe Miocic, Francis Ngganou, Shane Burgos, Alexandre Pantoja, Enrique Barzola, Islam Makhachev)

Main Card Record Since Jan 1st 2016 (in the UFC): 23-9-2

Stipe Miocic- 4-0 Francis Ngannou- 5-0 Daniel Cormier- 2-0-1 Volkan Oezdemir- 3-0 Calvin Kattar- 1-0 Shane Burgos- 3-0 Gian Villante- 1-3 Francimar Barroso- 1-2-1 Thomas Almeida- 1-2 Rob Font- 3-2

Too High Up- Gian Villante vs Francimar Barroso

Listen fellas, I get it. They're big guys and Villante is good for a brawl with the right opponent. Francimar Barroso is not the right opponent. He'll NEEEEEVER be the right opponent. This has all the makings of a fun round one where both guys trade, a second round where Barroso smothers VIllante and a third round where two big exhausted 205ers drag balls through some awful striking exchanges and sloppy takedowns. This fight is not a PPV main card worthy fight and I say that knowing full well that that there are not many options to take its place.

Down Too Low- Sabah Homasi vs Razak Al Hassan

An argument could be made for Alexandre Pantoja vs Dustin Ortiz which I could definitely hear you out on. The problem is that on a card with a bunch of genuinely massive human beings, Ortiz and Pantoja going from the prelims to the main card would probably just get them unneccessary angst from fight fans. Stupid but it is what it is. Sabah Homasi vs Razak Al Hassan will almost certainly be a tremendous fight of the night type brawl and I'd GLADLY welcome them onto this main card which could use a bit more oompah on it.

Stat Monitor for 2018:

Debuting Fighters (Current number: 0-1): Matt Bessette, Julio Arce, Dan Ige, Brandon Davis

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 0-0): Matt Bessette, Julio Arce

Second Fight (Current number: 1-3): 0

Cage Corrosion (2-3): Gleison Tibau

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- So did you know that Gleison Tiabu has been in the UFC since 2007 and he's NEVER headlined an event? Ever? Not even a free one! Dude's never even had a co-main spot! He's also JUST 34 years old which is perhaps even more amazing. I would've gone at least 10 years older without even batting an eyelash.

2- I want to use this opportunity to discuss how rare what it is we're getting here. For the first time in forever and a day, we're getting two title fights that genuinely feel like a battle of the best two fighters in their respective divisions. Francis Ngannou debuted in the UFC as an ultra raw rookie with high upside and all he's done is finish everyone he's fought from hype prospects to established veterans to top 5 heavyweights. Stipe Miocic could, legitimately, be on his way to building the greatest HW resume of the modern era with a win over Ngannou (and potentially Cain Velasquez if his body is actually capable of going through a fight camp). In the LHW division, Volkan Oezdemir has done nothing but beat top 10 LHWs since showing up in the UFC, two of those in violent dramatic fashion as an underdog. Until Jon Jones finds a way to not be some sort of fuck up, Daniel Cormier is the best LHW in the world. Simply put end of discussion. These two title fights exist in weight classes where convenience more often than not determines title shot opportunities---but these two fights are legitimately great.

3- Do NOT "get sucked" in the words of Bill Parcells. Simply put, don't even get worked into believing that either Stipe Miocic or Francis Ngannou are anything but excellent fighters in a division devoid of excellent fighters. These two guys are, without question, great fighters with skins on the wall and skills of the highest order. Don't believe Miocic was never good if he loses and don't believe Ngannou was exposed if he loses to the CHAMPION of the most hectic division in MMA.

4- Of note, Miocic has a reputation as being a fantastic wrestler. He is without question very good BUT.....the only stylistic matchup I can think of similar to what Miocic has here is when he fought JDS. He went 1-18 vs JDS in their first fight and gassed himself out spamming takedowns.

5- Curious to see how Ngannou responds to Stipe's speed because there's probably no HW who moves as well as Miocic does. It's a vastly different level of athleticism between he and Overeem.

6- We can all pretty much figure that Cormier is going to hit a wall soon. He's got decades of competing in combat sports in some form or fashion for quite a while but beyond that, his style of fighting is really not one designed for long term success. The general rule of thumb is that 37 or so is when the high level wrestler starts to break down and Cormier is 38 coming off a KO loss. This opens up a very unique challenge going into a fight vs a guy who hits really hard. Is Cormier basically burnt out from years of fighting and injuries? With Jon Jones likely to be back before we all know it, I'm assuming Cormier has to know that if he can get by Volkan, there's not really an immediate challenger who would prevent the big cash out fight vs Jon Jones.

7- DC does his best work in the clinch. Volkan seems to excel against the fence. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin' bout?

8- There are people who like to get all twisted and wrapped up in Volkan Oezdemir's UFC debut. Everybody knows it's on short notice and he gassed out. What most people DON'T know is that Volkan got the call while training to take a fight at HW so that probably had a lot to do with his general conditioning as well. He'll be at a serious disadvantage vs Cormier but I can't imagine it'll be AS bad as it looked vs OSP if we get into the 2nd or 3rd round.

9- TheAntiCool has predicted that 170 lbs is going to be the division where there's a heavy sense of upheaval with new people emerging and breaking into the top 10. I could see that but for me, I think it's 145 lbs where we're going to see a big changing of the guard. One of those figures who could potentially really take that step up is Shane Burgos. Burgos has some squintable Conor McGregor qualities, primarily in how good his hands are and how he can absorb punishment in exchange for pressure for a consistent clip before he finds you. When he hurts guys, he can either take them out or take them out of their gameplan enough to the point where he has you either 1) fighting at his pace and his range or 2) retreating and hoping he'll leave you alone long enough for you to do something to slow him down. Throw in a solid wrestling base, a great camp (Jimmie Rivera, Lyman Good etc etc) and seemingly solid cardio and you have some things that make you feel very confident in him going forward. ON THE OTHER HAND, there are some real Mike Perry qualities in his game which might make you want to hit the breaks. For starters, Charles Rosa gave him a lot of problem with volume and accurate strikes. Eventually Burgos got him when he needed to but the obvious story of the fight was that Charles Rosa had him figured out and Burgos was left trying to keep pace. You also always have to wonder about a fighter who marches forward, chin out  who relies on his power and combinations to win exchanges. Calvin Kattar, in a way at least, seemed more well rounded than Burgos in his fight vs Andre Fili back in July. Both guys are good FWs but Burgos has that It Factor where you just assume he's a guy destined for bigger things.

10- At this point, what do we say about Thomas Almeida? Anybody got any ideas? At 26 years old, Almeida has steamrolled every one he's supposed to steamroll and repeatedly and incessantly bonked his skull when he's gone upwards in the division. He didn't look bad vs Jimmie Rivera and had moments of success  BUT he was dropped seemingly any time Rivera landed cleanly and he struggled to exchange with Rivera without getting tagged. Rob Font is a bit like Rivera; the sort of guy who has all of the proverbial tools but simply can't get over the hump when he faces top competition.

11- Reminder that Sabah Homasi once ran off with a Bellator ring card girl after a show never to be seen again by Bellator.

12- Some of you guys might not have seen DWTCS (go watch it, it's fine and takes like an hr and 30 mins per episode) so lemme fill ya in a bit on some dudes who were on there who are debuting on this show:

Julio Arce- ROC champion and a guy who people have been saying would be in the UFC since about 2013. His two losses are to current UFC BW Brian Kelleher, trains with Jimmie Rivera and the crew at Tiger Schulman's. Pretty solid fighter although some may be higher than others on him. Beat Peter Petties on the show to get an eventual deal.

Dan Ige- Sort of came out of nowhere really. A solid Hawaiian fighter who is well rounded with good cardio. Fought Luis Gomez who is now the Titan FC featherweight champion on the show and beat him with a 3rd round RNC. Does seem to be a better fit for 135 lbs and I have concerns about how hittable he is.

Brandon Davis- Another fighter out of Alan Belcher's camp and you can see the Belcher influence in him. Sort of like a Jason Knight except his punches are a lot cleaner but he still takes plenty of damage and seems to relish getting into brawls. Dude had a tremendous fight to get a deal the night of against Austin Arnett. Didn't see a ton of grappling so that's a little worrisome.

Matt Bessette- Long time regional guy who fights on the East Coast, hits REALLY fucking hard and is well rounded given his 50 years in MMA. Lost to Kurt Holobaugh in a fight where he broke his hand/face but there's some controversy there as well.

Must Wins

1- Daniel Cormier

For me, Daniel Cormier's legacy is secure. He's in the top 5 of the greatest light heavyweights of all time and he's the second greatest LHW of the modern era. He's been a UFC champion (legitimately, if the former champ can't stop fucking up then you are the champ) and he's done some tremendous work in a short amount of time. Unfortunately I feel like I'm in the minority when it comes to the legacy of of DC. He just has to keep winning and if this is his final year in the sport then a loss to Volkan Oezdemir would be a pretty rough way to go out.

2- Shane Burgos

I feel like I've listed all of my concerns about Shane Burgos here but let's not mince words; dude is an amazing talent. At 26, he's got youth, high level experience and an undefeated record on his side. Burgos faces Calvin Kattar in his UFC main card debut and it's on a big show where he's going to get plenty of exposure.

3- Brandon Davis

The Tuesday Night Contender Series guys have lost before but most of those losses come from guys who didn't get original night contracts-----until Matt Frevola this Sunday. Davis is another guy who got a contract the night of and he faces a pretty stiff test in Kyle Bochniak. He'll have a pretty good size advantage on Bochniak and on the feet, I'm fairly certain he can piece him up as well. The downside is

Five Can't Miss Fights

1- Stipe Miocic vs Francis Nagannou

2- Thomas Almeida vs Rob Font

3- Volkan Oezdemir vs Daniel Cormier

4- Sabah Homasi vs Razak Al Hassan

5- Alexandre Pantoja vs Dustin Ortiz

[mydarlingfelix]

Get to know me tag(s)!

Tagged by: @hyunjinh  @felox-the-great @jaeffreyy @squishywoojin @welcometochanskitchen @dabkingfelix @mosquitofelix

Hi! I’m Summer btw (Ik it’s not in my bio), but I just go by Sum or other nicknames lol *I also just put multiple “get to know me” tags in 1 lol THIS IS A SUPER LONG POST IM SORRY However thank you for tagging me!! I Love you all soOoOo much!

Bold Thingy Tag

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know better

I think everyone done this already fkjdjgb

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo -I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair (idk it’s growing) - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month (Lucy wanted to be drawn for her bday and I did a watercolor portrait thing ig? for her) - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority- I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol- I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event- I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling (I have like 5)- I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity (?) - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship (not a healthy one at least)- I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily (It’s disgusting, wtf is wrong with me. I don’t need feels) - I have had a crush for over a year (Umm kinda he’s just really really cute. I talked to Dain about this before) - I have been in a relationship for over a year (but not currently) - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year

Alphabet Soup Tag

A: Age - “I’m 19, you fight me?” B: Birthplace - Cali C: Current time - As I’m during this 1:26pm D: Drink you had last - Water, but also Thai Tea Boba E: Easiest person to talk to - F: Favorite song - None G: Grossest memory - My cousin’s and I were doing a auntie and niece day and went theMall and I saw this girl throw up on the second floor in Forever 21. I felt sorry for the workers...  H: Hogwarts house - G I: in love? - nah, never gonna happen J: Jealous of people? - It’s only a human aspect, you’re only truly horrible if you do something nasty to others because of that feeling K: Killed someone? - Not yet lmfao L: Love at first sight or should I walk by again? - No thank you M: Middle name - Summer N: Number of siblings - 5 O: One wish - None P: Person you called last - My mom Q: Question you are always asked - Idk tbvh R: Reason to smile - Idk things make me happy S: Song you sang last - The Unit No way (I dont remember the unit colors)  T: Time you woke up - 6:43am  U: Underwear color - White  V: Vacation destination - South Korea, Japan, & idk the other one, but honestly my goal is to visit all my mutuals before I died lmfaooo W: Worst habit - Not caring, sleeping in, getting distracted easily, being anixious all the time.  X: X-rays - Teeth Y: Your favorite food - I have a lot... Z: Zodiac sign - Gemini

🥛 Colour(s) I’m currently wearing: Black... Just a lot of black (I need to stop wearing sm black omg)  🍥 Last band t-shirt I bought: I don’t ever buy clothes for myself, idk when was last time? Maybe during the Got7 concert?  🥛 Last band I saw live: Got7 (Fly In LA: Day 1) and Paradise (A Hmong Band)  🍥 Last song I listened to: Rn I’m listening to The Unit’s Cherry on Top  🥛 Lipstick or chapstick: Idk... I wear lip tints.  🍥 Last movie I watched: Ever Wonder? (idk it’s a true story about the creation of wonder women)  🥛 Last 3 TV shows I watched: Wanna One Go, Wanna One x Aimgo TV, and The Unit 🍥 Last 3 characters I identified with: Kora, Steven Universe, & Ken Kaneki (idk for this part, I never thought about this fkdfdkgd)  🥛 Book I’m currently reading: Books for my classes njfdkjd 

What’s my name? (Imma just put my initials) 

M. S. L.

What’s my nickname?

Sum, SumSum, SumShine, Summahh Girl, Tsumdere, Chee, 

How old am I?

“I’m 19, you fight me?”

What got me into Kpop?

SJ- Sorry Sorry, but Got7 made me offically stay and learning everything about the kpop fandom

What’s my favourite Kpop group?

Rn W1 (the most)

Who’s my ultimate bias?

Park Jihoon

What groups/artists do I stan?

Too many to count, you all can ask my personally if you want lol

What groups/artists do I casually listen to?

A lot, I try to be diverse, but what’s good music is good music to me. Feel free to suggest me some :D

What artists do I listen to that aren’t Kpop?

Ahh I’m lazy, but just good sounding music. Calvin Harris just popped up in my head. fknfkjskfnj 

Who’s my bias and bias wrecker from my ultimate group(s)?

Omfg

Wanna One: Park Jihoon & Kang Daniel

JBJ: Kim Donghan & ??? (They’re all messing me up rn)

SK: Felix & I think Hyunjin? Idk

What’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum?

It’s recently been Chungha’s roller coaster lol and The Unit songs  

What are your favourite flower/tree/plant (all 3 or whatever you have an answer to)?

I really love plants and flowers in general, however Peonies are one of my many faves!! 

Favourite colour(s)?

Pink, blue, purple, black, white, and gray

What do you always doodle (if you ever do)?

Umm yeah I always doodling, but I try not to because I want to be able to focus in class haha. 

How do you take your coffee/tea? If you don’t like those what’s your fav warm drink?

It probably like 20% coffee and 80% french vanilla cream nfksjfgsbjg sometimes I add a lil milk too 

Favourite candle scent?

Anything flowery, but i really like sweet pea smell lol. I don’t any candles yet, so I don’t quite know which I like more yet. Soorrryy

Sunrise or Sunset?

Sunset! The colors are soo pretty and like it doesn’t require me to wake up from my sleep lmfao. The transitions of day and night it just so beautiful! and the stars that start peeking through the dark sky! 

What perfume do you wear if any?

I don’t wear perfume? I have them at home but in my opinion I feel like if you’ve showered and smell nice why try to mix more scents onto you?? and I don’t really need it? DONT WORRY I AM CLEAN NFJSNJF idk if I make any sense

What’s your go to dance move when you’re alone?

-

Favourite quote?

“The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to.” ― Carl Sandburg 

&  “We ran as if to meet the moon.” ― Robert Frost  

& also 

“The moon and stars just for you my love” - Me lol 

Favourite self care thing(s) or routine(s)?

Umm... Drawing. Showering and putting a face mask afterwards. Painting my nails. It’s more like small things, especially like painting my nails and drawings are things I can’t do often because I try to focus on school, because ik I’m bad at focusing. Sleeping and reminding to just eat, when I get too busy and focused I tend to skip meals. njfkdsnfj s

Fuzzy socks or House slippers?

OMFG BOTH THAT’S LIKE THE BEST COMBO! I have these pinky and purple house slippers I got aND IT’S FUZZY KSFJ SK IT’S SOOO CUTE OMG!! I love. nfjdnfd 

What colour are your eyes? 

Dark Brown

What’s your favourite eye colour on others?

Hazel, black, and gray

Favourite season? why?

Autumn and Winter (Ik contradicts with my name) but I love the rain! and cloudy weather! The sound of rain is calming and being inside while hearing the rain is nice. I really love Spring too when the flowers begin to bloom and like it’s a fresh type of feeling when spring hits lol.

Cheek, neck or nose kisses?

SJFNKFS Honestly depends on my mood  (´•/// ω \\\•`) but I like cheek kisses because softtt

What does your happy place look like?

My room on a rainy day with my fairy lights flickering

Favourite breed of dog?

YO OKAY SO I SAW THIS FB POST ABOUT THIS DOG BEAR AND I WANT A DOG BEAR IDK WHAT THEY’RE CALLED JKFDFHKSF. My dad is a dog breeder as a side business, so I grew up with pitbulls, pocket pits, american bull dogs, frenches, and now ‘exotics’ are the trend atm. 

Do you ever want to be married? If so what colours would you pick for your wedding theme?

Umm yes and no? I’m not sure. If I have an American wedding I like to stick to a traditional white with maybe a peach and light pink here and there, but for sure I would love to do a traditional Hmong wedding. 

Silk or Lace?

Silk feels nice, but I like lace too :)

Favorite weather?

SF type of weather 

[shamelessly4shameless-blog]

130lb of Ukrainian Courage (pt 15)

Ian is holding Yevgeny’s hand as they walk down the road, half thinking about the steaks in his carrier bag ready for the cook-out and half listening to Yev prattle on about dinosaurs and which lizard is most like a dinosaur.

“Woah! Dad!”

Yev yanks suddenly on Ian’s sleeve and points down the road at their house. There is a huge, blacked out van parked wonkily in front of the house and a rusty motorbike dumped on the sidewalk beside it.

“Who’s is that?”

“I think maybe your uncles have arrived”

Ian’s pulse quickens and he grips Yev’s hand a bit tighter. Mickey had warned him that the Milkovich’s were likely to descend on mass, and that he had called the meeting so they were probably going to be pissed but Ian had kind of hoped it would just be Mandy and Iggy that actually arrived.

He considers taking Yev back to Svetlana’s but Yev is already tugging forward excitedly and Ian remembers how much calmer the house had been when Yevgeny was present as a baby.

“Hey listen, we’re gonna go in and say hi, but if Papa needs to get down to business, we’ll get Mama to come collect you, Okay?”

“Okay.”

Yev nods happily but Ian narrows his eyes at his son, he knows that sort of ready agreement is usually surface deep. Just like Mickey, once he needs to, Yevgeny can dig his heels in and kick up a stink with the best of them.

“I mean it, bud. If I say we have to go …”

“Got it!”

Yev is close enough now that he can hear the heavy metal music blaring out of the house. Papa is having a party and he isn’t there! This is something Yev decides to fix immediately and he let’s go of Ian’s hand and takes off at a run.

*

“COOL!”

Yev stands over the sweet smelling glass bowl that is releasing awesome peels of smoke

“Is that a cauldron?”

He looks up at the huge man sprawled on the sofa, who is looking back at him with a sleepy grin on his face

“A fuckin’ what? It’s a fishbowl … you know? A bong.”

“Oh.”

Yev bounces on his toes a couple of times to the rhythm of heavy slamming guitar and waves a hand through the smoke

“You supposed to be in here or are you robbin’ the homos?”

“This is my house.”

Yev wrinkles his nose and quirks his lip irritably in a way that anyone who has spent more than five minutes with his father would be entirely familiar with and the big man lets out a surprised laugh.

“Oh shit! You’re the Russian’s kid, ain’t ya?”

“I’m Yevgeny Milkovich – are you one of my uncles?”

“I might be your fuckin’ Dad. Man, that was a wild fuckin’ party...”

The man laughs again, louder this time. Yev scowls at him and is about to respond when a large arm wraps around his waist and boosts him up.

“Hey Joey, I see you met your nephew.”

Ian smiles in what he hopes is a friendly manner but doesn’t wait for the oldest Milkovich to respond before bearing Yev away.

“He said …”

“I heard. Ignore him. And if you see something smoking, don’t go near it.”

Ian deposits Yev on the stairs and pokes his head around the kitchen door. Mickey and Jamie are locked in an arm-wrestle, both of them in cut-off black t-shirts, holding beers in their free hands. Iggy is sat on the counter with another fishbowl in his lap and he gives Ian a wave when he notices him.

“Hey Ian.”

“Hey Ig, how you doing?”

“Fuckin’ starvin’, man. Mickey says you got steaks.”

Iggy grins at him and Ian can’t help grinning back. Iggy is less gruff about it than his older brother’s but he has that uncanny Milkovich way of letting you know exactly what he wants without using a whole bunch of words.

“Yeah I’ll get started on that in a bit. Uh … Mick?”

“What?”

Mickey’s brow is creased in concentration and his lips are pressed tight, Jamie is sweating heavily and his forearm is starting to tremble. Mickey is focussed and going in for the kill, forcing his wrist to bear down infinitesimally more, his knuckles stark white. Ian is almost distracted by the swell of his boyfriends biceps flexing and the determined look in his eyes, but he forces himself back to the issue at hand.

“Yev’s here so ... uh … maybe the bongs could …”

“Ig, put the fuckin’ bowl away.”

Mickey grunts

“Joey has one too.”

“Tell … Joey … to … FUCK YEAH!”

Mickey leaps up, slapping the table triumphantly as Jamie gives in and swears furiously, grabbing his arm and flexing his fingers.

“All that cock pumping got you strong as shit!”

“Yeah? I bet you pump your dick more than I pum…”

“Mick! Yev’s here.”

Ian snaps and Mickey grins guiltily, letting the last of his rebuttal trail off and punching Jamie affectionately on the arm.

“Hey, you wanna meet your nephew?”

“Sure, why not.”

Jamie lights a cigarette but there is a look on his face of quiet unease and as Ian ushers Yev in, his finds himself fighting the urge to keep a protective hand on his shoulder. It is a side-effect of the last couple of weeks that he hadn’t really expected, he almost can’t stand to let either Yev or Mickey be touched by anyone else, especially Yev.

But Mickey is beckoning his son forward and like a magnet, Yev is drawn toward him.

“Jamie, this is Yevgeny.”

The pride in Mickey’s voice is so obvious that Ian lets go of his misgivings and folds his arms, watching his boys happily as Mickey drapes an arm around Yev’s shoulders and Yev leans his head shyly into Mickey’s waist.

“Well shit. He looks just like you.”

Jamie leans forward on eye level with Yevgeny, peering at him closely and Yev, a Milkovich to the core, straightens and holds his uncles gaze as boldly as he can, though he keeps one arm around his father’s leg.

“You got your Grandma’s eyes kid, like your Pop.”

Jamie’s eyes flick up to Mickey and he nods.

“Guess he is yours.”

Yev frowns

“Who elses would I be?”

“Well exactly! Quit saying dumb shit, asshole!”

Mickey scoffs at his brother, there is no real heat to his words but the look in his eye is one that makes Jamie shrug and sniff apologetically and the matter is quickly dropped.

“Mandy here yet?”

Iggy asks, bored of watching the play power between his brothers when it is obvious to everyone that Mickey has already won.

“Nah, haven’t heard from her.”

“Me and Joey can stay a day but after that we got shit to do. You wanna wait for Mandy for the meeting?”

Jamie isn’t sucking up to Mickey but it’s as close as any Milkovich is likely to get to it and Mickey favours him with a small smile

“We’ll wait til tonight. You dickhead’s are all high as fuck right now anyway.”

“Hungry too.”

Iggy grunts and Mickey rolls his eyes at his brother

“This ain’t a fuckin’ resort, man. If you’re hungry go to the fuckin’ fridge and make yourself a God damn sandwich.”

“Bite me, asshole!”

“Fuckin’ bite you? I’ll kick your ass!”

A fight ensues that is mostly for show but there are a couple of blows that make Ian wince and he snatches Yev back out of the way, wrapping his arms around him. Iggy’s lip splits in one corner spilling blood down his chin and Mickey grunts loudly as an elbow catches his chest, but they break away laughing and Mickey ruffles Iggy’s hair affectionately as Iggy claps him on the shoulder.

“That’s what you fuckin’ get!”

Yev’s eyes are like saucers watching his Papa. He is so absorbed he barely notices his Dad let go of his shoulders and turn to speak to a lady with long dark hair who has just come in.

Swearing is not uncommon at all and even Yev is allowed to drop a few cuss words here and there but it’s like Papa is trying to get in the world record book in the school library, like the man with all the pegs on his body. His Dad has stepped out into the hall and so Yev takes it upon himself to draw it to Papa’s attention.

“Papa? … Papa? … PAPA!”

Yev raises his voice and gives a sharp tug on Mickey’s shirt as he passes by to grab another beer.

“What?”

Mickey grins down at his son and then arches one questioning eyebrow at the tiny, judgemental scowl

“You’re swearing a LOT.”

“Too much, huh?”

Mickey asks, squatting down and tapping his beer bottle against the snub of Yev’s nose.

“I dunno but it’s a lot.”

Yev raises his own eyebrows in a fairly decent imitation of the warning look Papa gives him when he’s going too far and skating on the edge of trouble.

“We bitched at your grandpa like that, he’d fuckin’ whoop us. You want your daddy to whoop you?”

Jamie grins at Yev as if he’s said something particularly funny and wipes his nose on the back of his hand.

“Papa doesn’t whoop me.”

Yev smiles kindly, as if explaining something obvious to a slightly slow person and then turns his attention back to Mickey, missing the look that his uncles exchange at that admission.

“Can I play Xbox until lunch?”

“Sure, man. Love you.”

Mickey murmurs the last words low enough that only Yev can hear them and kisses his forehead very briefly

“Oh, hey, if your uncle Joey hogs the remote, come get me. He’s shit at video games but takes, like, fifty turns.”

“Okay.”

“and where’s your Dad gone?”

“Chatting to a lady.”

Yev calls over his shoulder and Mickey jerks as if slapped. Mandy!

“Hey, here, chips, dips, go nuts.”

He opens a cupboard and gestures vaguely to it before closing his brother’s into the kitchen and going in search of his sister.

*

Mandy and Ian are on the porch, smoking. Watching them, Mickey is transported back to when they were kids and he grins to himself remembering the joint relief and absolute jealousy he’d felt when Ian had pretended to be Mandy’s boyfriend.

“Hey!”

Mandy spots him coming and cocks her head to the side. They’ve never been great at gauging each others reactions and Mickey finds himself moving toward her with a weird, gangly armed stance, half open to hug, half not.

“You look stupidly fuckin’ good.”

Mandy laughs, shaking her head. The tone is set and Mickey opens his arms properly, enfolding her in a tight embrace, cupping the back of her head in one hand.

“I didn’t fuckin’ know you were comin’.”

“Neither did I.”

Mandy admits and accepts the fierce kiss her brother plants on her forehead, scrunching her nose in an amused grimace

“You high?”

“A little drunk,”

Mickey admits, letting go of her and stepping back

“It’s good to see you, Mandy. I … well … yeah, fuck it, I missed you.”

Mandy turns to Ian, mock surprised

“Shit! You almost got my brother fully domesticated, talking about his feelings … what did you do?”

“Magic dick.”

Ian quips, fending off the playful gut punch that comment earns him.

“Asshole.”

Mickey mumbles but his attention is firmly with Mandy

“How you doin’?”

Mandy twists her hands into the pockets of the tight denim skirt she is wearing and bobs her head.

“I’m good, a little freaked out by this summons though.”

“Wasn’t a summons!”

Mickey frowns defensively as Mandy rolls her eyes at him.

“Course it was! You’re like Michael Corleone and where ever the fuck Terry is, right now he might as well be the old don in his orange garden.”

“What the fuck are you ...”

“It’s the Godfather, idiot! Anyway my point is you run the family when Terry’s away.”

“No I don’t.”

Mickey is clearly uncomfortable with this but Mandy isn’t backing down from it and simply shrugs.

“Kinda do. We haven’t all got together for years ...”

Both siblings fall silent, trying to think of the last time they were all together. It’s been so long neither of them can actually remember and the chances are it wouldn’t be a happy memory anyway.

“Yev’s here.”

Mickey offers finally and Mandy smiles a little sadly

“Yevgeny? Really?”

“Yeah, we have him almost every weekend officially but he swings by whenever really. Got his own room … y’know.”

Mickey fidgets a little awkwardly and Ian instinctively hands him what is left of his cigarette, which Mickey takes with a grateful smile.

“That’s nice Mick.”

“He’s got Mom’s eyes.”

Mickey tries to make it sound casual, well aware that this has become some sort of code for claiming Yevgeny as his own amongst his family and he’s eager to get that cloaked conversation out of the way as quickly as possible.

“I remember.”

Mandy rubs his arm reassuringly and Mickey wonders what her hesitation or surprise is about the kid if not the question of his paternity.

“I must owe him a fuck ton of birthday and christmas presents.”

Mandy jokes, lighting another cigarette and Ian and Mickey exchange a quick look of exact understanding.

“Don’t be silly! We spoil him rotten as it is!”

Ian wraps and arm around her shoulder and gives her a gentle squeeze. He still thinks of Mandy as being of a height with him and the frailty of her bones beneath the check-shirt surprises him anew but he doesn’t let it show.

“Yeah, besides, I ain’t slavin’ away cookin’ eggs for you all tomorrow, fuck that! We’ll go to McDonalds and you can get him a hashbrown. Kid’s like a damn dog when it comes to food. Feed him weird, greasy potato shit and he’ll love you forever.”

*

Mickey takes Ian to one side as Mandy greets her other brothers and nephew

“I’m gonna get this done now.”

“Okay,”

Ian nods, his place now is to support, he can’t get in the way of family business, no matter his place in Mickey’s life.

“What can I do?”

Mickey glances around and bites his lip, thinking.

“Get the BBQ goin’, take Yev with you and keep him outside. You hear any shit going down, call the cops and get Yev away.”

Ian takes a deep breath and holds it until the urge to protest passes, then lets out a long sigh through his nose.

“Okay.”

He says again. Mickey quirks his lip upwards and reaches up, tugging Ian lightly downward to kiss him. It is a long and steady kiss, nothing like the furtive pecks that Mickey used to give him when any of his siblings were around. It is a promise and a reassurance and Ian gives him a warm smile as they separate.

“Just be safe, okay?”

“Always, man.”

Mickey pats Ian’s butt and turns on his heel, shoulders squared and South Side swagger in full force, barking out his summons that is not a summons.

“Meeting. Now. Kitchen table.”

*

Mickey sits at the head of the table without thinking and then gives Mandy a withering look when she starts humming a low tune that he recognises as a theme to an old movie, probably the Godfather or whatever the Hell it was called.

“Where’s Dad?”

Joey asks as soon as he has his cigarette lit. Mickey tongues his lower lip and is about to answer when Mandy snaps her fingers assertively

“Hey! You all know the rules! Weapons on the table in family meetings.”

“Come the fuck on, Mandy.”

Jamie sighs but Mandy only glares at him and then each of the others in turn

“Rules! Centre of the table.”

She snaps and removes a slender can of mace from her bra and a small knife from the edge of her boot. Joey complies next. The rule was made after Terry slashed his shoulder open with a flick-knife in a fit of temper over a confessed loss of some merchandise. Iggy and Jamie follow, adding brass knuckles, a dirty butterfly knife and two vicious looking curved blades to the pile. Mickey hesitates and then pulls the ruger out of the back of his pants, opens the chamber and empties the bullets into his hand before chucking it on top.

“A fucking gun? Shit! What the fuck have you done?”

Iggy laughs but the atmosphere is starting to bristle with the threat of violence. Mickey licks his lips and sets his hands flat on the table, braced palm down. If he waits any longer he’s going to lose his nerve. He cricks his neck left, then right and says

“Dad’s dead. I killed him.”

There is a moment of silence and then Jamie puffs his cheeks out and exhales a rush of air noisily.

“Damn Mickey.”

“This something to do with Ian’s face?”

Iggy motions to his own eye, it is the only bruising that is still really bad, the eyeball itself still a little bloodshot and although the swelling has gone down, it still doesn’t open fully.

“Yeah, he was supposed to meet Yevgeny but he came here instead when I was out. Fucked Ian up, badly. I came back … we fought. I killed him.”

Mickey’s gaze is flicking between each of his siblings. Mandy has her eyes fixed on the table top but beneath the table her booted foot nudges against his in silent support.

Iggy isn’t smiling any more but he is nodding in grudging understanding and that is something.

Jamie looks pretty non-plussed and Mickey knows he is waiting for Joey’s reaction. Everyone is waiting for Joey’s reaction. It’s why Mickey unloaded the damn gun before surrendering it.

Joey has always been the most like Terry: looks, temperament, ideals. He was also the one Terry gave the hardest time to, the most beatings, the most vicious insults and the only kid that Terry ever gave up willingly during a bust. It had been pretty much game over to Joey anyway when the cops came in but still, it had been heartbreaking for him to hear his father casually admit that he had been with him when they did the heist.

He looks at his youngest brother now and rubs his bottom lip, considering.

“You do it in cold blood?”

“No, we were fighting, I pistol whipped him and thought he’d go down but he … he fuckin’ grabbed it and we were both trying to get control … he got shot.”

Mickey is trying to keep as close to the truth as possible because lying to Joey has always been damn near impossible. His hands are starting to tremble but he manages to hold them steady under the cool, dark gaze.

“And it was definitely you? Not your … boyfriend?”

The word drips with distaste and it gives Mickey the last surge of indignation he needs to get through.

“You fuckin’ deaf? I said it was me.”

Joey grunts and then shrugs

“Fine. Old man should have known better than to come after your family. Fag or not.”

Jamie nods at this and turns to Mickey

“Yeah man. He should have fuckin’ left it alone. Fag or not.”

“He’s actually dead. I always figured he’d die in jail.”

Mandy murmurs quietly and Iggy snorts, smiling despite himself

“Yeah, or if it was gonna be one of us, I always thought it’d be you.”

Mandy’s head jerks up and she gives her brother a ‘what the fuck’ look which makes Iggy actually laugh, though he quickly raises an apologetic hand to Joey

“Why the fuck would it be me?”

Mandy demands and as she speaks memory rushes around them all in a vicious, vice like grip, the barbs of knowledge long repressed sinking in deep and they all fall silent, though Mickey’s boot presses firmly against Mandy’s and holds there.

After a minute he breaks the silence and looks directly at Joey

“So what do we do? I killed our dad.”

Joey drums his fingers on the table thoughtfully. They could be discussing who’s turn it is to go collect a pizza or which team might when the season this year. Death is a natural part of life for all people but for the Milkovich’s of South Side, it is so much a part of life that even when it is one of there own, the feeling tends to be a sort of muted awareness at best and none of them are damp eyed at the loss of their father.

“We could take you outside and fuck you up a bit but … ah … fuck it. I’m on parole, man. Looks like you got a broken nose, mostly healed... Ig?”

Before Mickey can move, Iggy’s fist connects with his face and his vision explodes in a star-burst of pain.

“FUCK! Jesus fucking Christ!”

Mickey rocks back in his chair, nearly toppling it over. Blood pumps out of both nostrils and splashes onto the palms of his hands as they instinctively cup beneath his face. It was a damn good punch, hard enough to create a lot of drama but not hard enough to actually break the cartilage afresh. Iggy was always a fuckin’ savant when it came to his fists and Mickey is grateful.

Mandy hands him a bandanna from her shirt pocket and the atmosphere softens noticeably

“Did he get a decent burial? Whole?”

Jamie asks quietly and Mickey nods, dabbing lightly at his nostrils

“Yeah. With the silver chain from Mom. I left it on him.”

“Good.”

Jamie nods and Joey smiles slightly

“What do you wanna do about territory?”

Mickey shakes his head lightly and stands up.

“You guys split it - four ways, if Mandy wants in. I don’t want any of it and don’t deserve the inheritance anyway.”

This is clearly the right answer because Joey retrieves his weapons and pockets them. The family meeting is over.

Iggy, clearly not giving a shit about territory grabs another beer and nods to Mandy

“Hey, you meet your nephew yet?”

“Yeah, he’s cute.”

“Mickey don’t whoop him though.”

Jamie offers, clearly expecting some level of horror from Mandy on Mickey’s blatant lack of parenting skills.

“You don’t?”

Mandy’s smile is bright and hopeful

“Yeah .. no, I mean, I guess I’d swat him if he was being an asshole but what the fuck does a grown-ass man want with beating on a little kid?”

Mickey shakes his head and Mandy sighs happily

“You’re doing so good, Mick.”

“Pop beat us and we turned out fine.”

Jamie mumbles and Mickey raises a sardonic eyebrow at his brother but Iggy retorts first

“Yeah and one of his kids fuckin’ shot him. Times change man.”

Jamie ponders this for a minute and then huffs out a startled breath

“Shit! I hadn’t thought of that. I’m not gonna lay a hand on my kids if I have any. Or my wife either, just in fuckin’ case! Times change!”

It is the most eloquent he has been all day and he looks rather pleased with himself until Joey shoves him and says

“You’ll have to find a bitch desperate enough to marry you first.”

“Fuck you!”

The ensuing scuffle breaks one of Ian’s kitchen chairs and smashes the fruit bowl  but it is good natured and clears the last of the tension.

Business completed, retribution delivered and the subject of territory to be settled later, Joey and Jamie eat, fill their pockets with booze and leave. They don’t hug Mickey or Iggy but they hug Mandy in a sort of awkward way, unused to contact with a woman that they aren’t trying to bed.

Mandy settles into the sofa with Ian, catching up on everything, trusting him to tell Mickey the things she cannot tell him herself. She falls asleep against Ian’s chest, secure and utterly safe in her brother’s home.

Iggy sticks around, plays video games with Yevgeny and tries to teach him how to make a butterfly blade dance between his fingers until Mickey swoops in and forbids it, giving Yev a spoon to practice with instead.

“But can’t I ...”

“No.”

“But Papa …”

Fine, black eyebrows raise and a pair of stern, blue eyes widen and the whining ceases immediately.

Iggy goes into the bathroom and does another fishbowl and when he comes back into the living room, he looks around and gives a little amused giggle.

It is a Milkovich household in which a child is safe, loved and cared for.

A father doesn’t hit his kid.

An alpha male is gay.

Family is welcome and no weapons are needed.

Women are safe inside the four walls and each person has enough food without having to ask. He is on his fourth sandwich and no one has yelled at him.

Times fuckin’ change indeed!

[bellamysblakehs]

To Kill a Jaguar - Bellamy Blake

Request: *Not a request* Requested by: *Not a request* Pairings: Bellamy Blake x Reader A/N: In which the smallest and most fragile, looking, girl (reader) is going hunting. Everyone thinks that she’ll slow down the group, but is proved wrong. 

Your name: submit What is this? document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); }); function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; } } function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v; }

Your last name: submit What is this? document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/l\/n\b|\(y\/l\/n\)/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); }); function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; } } function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v; }

“Y/N? Thats not safe Bellamy,”

“We’re gonna die protecting her!”

“She can’t hold her own and we always have to drag her sorry ass home,”

Multiple comments were being yelled around to Bellamy as a group of you prepared to go. You were seen as week among the 100 you didn’t know why, nor did you question others about it. However, you were always curious as to why you didn’t look strong. Was it that you were a tiny figure? or maybe it was because everyone knew you had a weak ass story as to why you came down to earth, or so they thought. 

You were imprisoned in the sky box for 2 years after nearly killing 3 guards and actually murdering the 4th. They tried to take your father away and you couldn’t lose the only family member you had so, based off instinct, you attacked. Of course you didn’t think it through and this brings you to ending up in a cell. You were only 17. Despite this being a mighty story, you didn’t want to be known as a murderer, so you told everyone you stole 5 books. Everyone believed you, except the one stubborn jack-ass that everyone knew, Bellamy Blake.

“I know you didn’t steal books, Y/N. So just tell me, what did you do?” He questioned you only 4 hours before this hunt was taking place. You looked off, trying to avoid his question, and you saw John Murphy, the guy that has liked you since you got down here. He saw your stare and winked. You shuttered and internally gagged, you really didn’t like him. Bellamy noticed this and took advantage; “Fine, I guess you and Murphy can go on watch, alone.” You shivered at the thought,

“Ugh. Okay, okay, I didn’t steal books but I- I can’t tell you what I did.” You sighed and avoided eye contact.

“How about I tell you what I did and then you tell me yours, okay.” You nodded, although you were unsure why you did. You were also unsure as to why Bellamy wanted to tell you, of all people, about his unheard of story. But surely his story wasn’t as terrible as yours. 

He scratched the back of his head, nervously, before speaking, “I uh, I shot the Chancellor.” You were gobsmacked, you opened your mouth to speak, but was cut off, “Please- Please don’t make a fuss, I- I don’t want you to think Im a murderer, Y/N.” You just shook your head, and he frowned.

“I attacked four guards and killed one of them.” You said quietly, and Bellamy’s jaw dropped, he knew you did something more than just steal some shitty books, but killing someone? He wasn’t expecting it. “They were gonna take my dad,” you whispered, “I couldn’t let that happen,” And that’s when the story pieced together for Bellamy.

“I understand, Y/N,” he nodded, “I shot the chancellor for Octavia, too,” You wondered how Jaha and Octavia had anything to do with each other, but you wanted to lighten the mood, so ignored it.

“So uh, Y/N. Knowing your story, you wanna come hunting?” You replied with an excited ‘Yes,’ before leaving to get ready.

That brings you too now. You were watching everyone complain that you were tagging along and Bellamy looked frustrated,

“She can’t hold her own and we always have to drag her sorry ass home,” Your head snapped up at the painful comment and your marched over to the guy, Jack, and pushed him,

“Wanna bet?” You smirked as did he.

“I’ll give you my tent, if you bring back something we can eat,” He offered and you grinned. Jack had a large tent all to himself and having that would be nice.

“I’ll give you ¾ of my daily food for the next week,” You held your hand out which Jack firmly shook.

“You’re gonna starve to death, after this.” He whispered, you said nothing and the group walked forward, past the gates.

“She’s mine,” Bellamy whisper yelled, referring to the large jaguar in front of you.

“Wait,” Jack objected, “Let Y/N have it,” he smirked as did you. All your fathers training would now pay off. Bellamy looked at you with worry in his eyes and you gave him a look of reassurance, although it didn’t calm him.

You moved around silently, so you were positioned behind the fury creature. You reached down and grabbed a few pebbles. You threw them over the Jaguar and onto a rock which distracted it. You quickly felt your pocket, making sure you knife was still there, before lunging at the animal and wrestling it. It sounded loudly, with noisy growling. You grabbed you knife out and aimed for its chest with your right arm, the other holding the animal down. Your waist was straddling the creature and you dodged the attempts the jaguar made at bitting you. You brought the knife down and missed the animals chest, stabbing the knife into its leg instead. It growled in pain, before turning both you and the animal over, making the jaguar on top.

“Y/N!” You heard Bellamy yell. The jaguar scratched at you and you tried to fight back but the animal was too heavy for your figure. Your hand reached for your knife and surprised the Jaguar by slicing it straight down its chest. The jaguar almost instantly fell unconscious and Bellamy rushed over and helped you up. He lifted you and inspected your face. You could hear the others cheering at your victory.

“I’m fine, Bella-” He silenced you with a small peck on the lips. It was quick but passionate, your lips craving more after his left your face. “Woah,” You said,

“i really like you, Y/N,” You smiled at his compliment,

“You’re alright too, Blake,” 

The small group turned back and made there way back to camp with the jaguar, Bellamy had his arm hanging around your shoulder to make sure you were as close to him as possible. On your way back you caught sight of Jack,

“Oi, Jack!” You called, he turned around and huffed rolling his eyes,

“What?” He spat,

“So about that tent..” Bellamy chuckled beside you others joining in as well.

The End

[teamfreewill-imagine]

I Know Your Wife (She Wouldn’t Mind) - Part Eleven

Summary: Danneel calms you down after your panic about becoming a mother. You, Jared, and Gen explain your relationship to Tom and Shep before you fly out for Asylum. Words: 5k Jared x Reader x Gen, Danneel, Tom, Shep, JJ, Arrow, Zep, Jensen Warnings: uncomfortable conversations, fluff Beta: @blacksiren

IKYW Masterpost

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', myHandler); function myHandler() { var v = document.body.innerHTML; var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; v = v.replace(/\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, input); document.body.innerHTML = v; } // ]]>

“What if I turn out like my mom?”

Danneel stared at you, unmoving, for what felt like an eternity.

Her expression was unreadable and, in that moment, you wanted to run away.

You’d had the urge to run away a lot in your life but, since joining Supernatural, you’d felt more settled. Living with the Ackles’ was the best you’d ever had it - you had a family, a roof over your head, a steady job - but right then, all you wanted to do was run.

You could get pretty far, you figured. Away from everyone you knew, go somewhere nobody would think to look. You had money, more than you’d ever know what to do with, you could make it on your own.

You didn’t need to be a disappointment to yet another family.

“What the fuck.”

Danneel’s words weren’t a question as she dropped your hands, more like an exhale of disbelief.

“Danneel, look-”

“No, you look,” she interrupted, forcing eye contact with a demanding gaze. “You really think you’d be anything like your piece of shit birth mother?”

You frowned slightly as her choice of words, but she shook her head.

“She’s not your mom, Y/N,” she told you, firmly. “A mom doesn’t disown her kid for getting a chance-of-a-lifetime scholarship. A mom doesn’t force her sixteen-year-old daughter to work two jobs to pay for her addiction. A mom… a real mom, would never beat up her daughter for following her dreams.”

You swallowed thickly, shaking your head.

“I never- I never said she-”

“Am I wrong?”

You snapped your mouth shut, tears threatening to fill your eyes again.

Danneel shook her head, eyes full of sadness.

“Fuck,” she breathed, her voice heavy with emotion. “Y/N, would you ever treat your child like that?”

You blinked, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I’d rather die,” you murmured, your voice cracking at the end.

You cleared your throat, turning your face away from her as you tried to compose yourself.

“Come with me,” she told you, starting to leave the room.

“What about the bottle?” you asked, weakly.

“The bottle can wait,” she insisted, nodding for you to follow her.

The two of you walked through to the back of the house, where large screen windows looked onto the back yard.

Gen had Zeppelin in her lap and Arrow in the bouncer beside her, watching the babies as the older kids continued to play with the dogs.

Danneel stopped in front of the window, reaching her hand out to you while staring out into the yard.

You looked down at her hand, tentatively linking your fingers with hers and letting her pull you into her side.

“You see that little girl out there?” she asked, nodding towards JJ.

You watched as she got playfully bowled over by Oscar, laughing and pushing him back as he tried to lick her face.

“When she was born, I had no fucking idea what I was doing,” Danneel admitted, and you tore your eyes off of JJ to look at her mom.

She felt you looking and nodded without taking her gaze off of the kids.

“At that point, Gen and Jared didn’t live down here, so we didn’t have that support,” she explained. “I was lucky that she was born while her daddy was home for hiatus, so I had him with me for the first few months. We were learning together, and we were fucking up as often as we were figuring stuff out.”

She huffed a breath, squeezing your hand but still not looking at you.

“Two weeks after Jay left for Vancouver, my mom came to visit to help with the baby,” she sighed, swallowing. “The day after she got here, she came home from the grocery store to find me crying on my bedroom floor, JJ in her bassinet in nothing but a diaper. She wouldn’t stay still while I was dressing her, and I just lost it. I’d thrown her babygrow onto the floor and just… a complete breakdown took over from nowhere.”

You let go of her hand, wrapping your arm around her waist and resting your temple on her shoulder.

She tilted her head to rest against yours as she draped her arm over your shoulders.

“I’d dressed her tons of times by then, but I just… lost it, I don’t know,” she admitted, her voice heavy. “It was all too much. I was sure I was the worst mom ever, leaving my daughter undressed just to sob on the floor, but my mama came in and she pulled me to my feet, told me to go get cleaned up. I came back and she’d got JJ dressed and fed, done everything for me. I’d failed at the simplest task, but you know what she said?”

You shook your head.

“She said, ‘My girl, you don’t know what it’s like to be a mother until you’re having a breakdown every month’.”

You laughed slightly, and Danneel pulled back, finally looking at you.

“She was right,” she told you. “Sometimes the simple things will feel like too much, but that’s okay. Nobody has it together all the time. Sometimes you’ve got to have a meltdown.”

She looked back out into the yard to see JJ pulling Shep to his feet after he’d been play-wrestling with Icarus.

“Sometimes,” she continued, a small smile pulling at her lips, “Sometimes you’ve gotta shout and throw a bottle.”

You snorted, your emotions on such a rollercoaster that you were close to hysterics as you started to laugh.

Danneel laughed too, pulling you into another hug and placing a kiss to your temple.

“You’re gonna be nothing like her,” she assured you, and you nodded, finding yourself desperate to believe her.

You looked out of the window to see Gen watching the two of you with a small smile, her attention caught by your laughter.

“You’ve got me and Gen to help you,” she reminded you, quietly.

“Yeah,” you smiled, looking back at her.

She smiled back, linking her arm with yours and walking the two of you further into the house.

“Now, let’s go make up that bottle.”

“One time,” Danneel began as she sat down next to you on the couch that evening, all of the kids in bed and Gen and the boys back at their house for the night, “I threw an entire diaper bag on the floor of the garage. Like, full force. Stuff went everywhere.”

You leant into her, letting her wrap her arm around you as her fingers absently played with your hair.

“It was dramatic.” she laughed slightly, kissing the top of your head and murmuring into your hair. “Doesn’t make me a bad mom, though.”

“No,” you agreed, pulling back just enough to look at her but not dislodge her arm. “You’re the best mom.”

She smiled, softly pushing your bangs off of your forehead before placing a kiss there.

“I’m too young to have a twenty-year-old daughter,” she mused, and you laughed gently as you leant into her again.

“My real-” you cut yourself off, tilting your head to rest on her shoulder as you both looked at the TV screen.

It was muted, but you both let out a small huff of laughter as you saw it had moved onto a Supernatural rerun.

“She’s younger than you,” you murmured, and she sighed softly.

“How old is she?” she asked.

“Thirty-five,” you admitted, earning a quiet ‘Jesus Christ’ from Danneel. “Thirty-six next month.”

Her arm tightened around you, holding you closer to her.

“She was only young,” you continued, quietly, “She didn’t know-”

“If you try to defend what that woman did to you, I swear to God,” she interrupted, resting her temple to the top of your head. “A thirty-year-old knows better than to-”

She cut herself off, unable to say it.

The thought of you living like that, of being scared and unsafe in your own home, made her feel sick.

“Even a fifteen-year-old knows better,” she murmured. “Hell, JJ knows better and she’s three.”

“Nearly four,” you corrected on impulse, having heard JJ say it herself so many times that it was just an automatic response.

Danneel laughed, kissing the top of your head once more before pulling back and reaching for the TV remote.

She skimmed through the channels for a while before settling on a movie, unmuting it but keeping the volume low.

“Your girlfriend is older than your mother,” Danneel mused after a while, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

You hadn’t thought about it like that before - both Gen being classified as your ‘girlfriend’, and the age difference - and the out of the blue and straight-faced delivery of the statement took you by surprise.

“Sorry,” she laughed, biting her lip. “Just slipped out.”

“It’s fine,” you assured her, still smiling. “It’s a weird situation. My baby daddy is fourteen years older than me, plus he has a wife. Nothing’s normal about this, so Gen being older than… well, it just adds another layer of fucked up to this whole thing.”

Danneel looked at you, contemplative, a small frown pulling at her brows.

“Nothing about it is fucked up,” she told you, her voice soft but tone firm.

“The father of my unborn child has a wife,” you stated, returning her frown. “A wife that both of us are in a relationship with.”

“I didn’t say it was conventional,” she reiterated, “But it’s not fucked up. If anything, it’s a stronger basis for starting a family than any conventional relationship.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, and she tucked her leg up under herself to face you.

“Your relationship,” she began. “I don’t know all the details, apart from the fact that y’all seem to have incredible sex-”

“Ew, Dan,” you pulled a face. It really felt like you were talking to a parent about your sex life.

“But I do know that the three of you care about each other,” she continued, undeterred. “I know that Jared and Gen are already great parents with the boys, and I know that you’re gonna love this baby with your whole heart. So, yeah, it’s not conventional. But it’s not fucked up.”

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. You’d done enough crying already that day.

“Okay, enough sappy shit,” Danneel stated, getting to her feet. “You want ice cream?”

You laughed slightly at the non sequitur, shaking your head.

“Jared would kill me.”

She rolled her eyes, walking backwards towards the doorway as she spoke.

“Okay, one?” she held up a finger. “You’ve had a rough day. Two, I had ice cream like twice a week in the summer with the twins and they’re fine. And three?”

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

“Jared isn’t even in the country,” she reminded you, grinning as she turned to leave the room.

On Tuesday night, once Jared and Jensen were back from All Hell Breaks Loose, you spent the night at the Padaleckis.

You’d waited until JJ was in bed - ‘If I gotta have a whole two weeks away from Ditto, she gotta read me stories until she leaves’ - but, once she was asleep, you made your way over.

Jared was too tired from travelling to do anything, so you spent the evening actually watching Rogue One this time, all three of you in comfortable sleep clothes.

It was all so domestic, but you loved that you were able to have that time together - to do nothing but just be with each other.

You fell asleep with Jared’s arm draped over your shoulders on the couch, and woke up with Gen’s arms wrapped around you in bed.

It was the first time you’d shared their bed for the night, and you were smiling as you opened your eyes.

“Hey there, Sleeping Beauty,” Genevieve murmured, gently tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Good morning,” you murmured, smiling against her lips as she kissed you softly.

She rolled you onto your back, deepening the kiss as she slotted one of her legs between yours.

Your hands found her waist, fingers slipping under the hem of her tank as hers carded into your hair.

As the kiss continued, your mind drifted to what Danneel had said, and you realised how right she was. This might not be conventional, but it wasn’t wrong. How could it be when you’d never felt more content than you did in that moment?

Your hips rolled without prompting, grinding down onto her thigh without real intent.

“Not that it wouldn’t be fun,” Gen murmured against your lips. “But we don’t really have time this morning.”

She pulled back, moving to lay on her side, her hand resting on your stomach.

“How’s Baby Ditto doing?” she asked, running her hand over your small bump.

It still wasn’t pronounced enough to be noticeable in your normal clothes, but it was getting there. You’d have to go maternity shopping when you got back from Rome.

“I mean, not bad,” you smiled, lethargic. “Haven’t had any sickness for like a month now.”

She nodded, patting your bump lightly.

“Good.”

The two of you lay in silence for a while, letting yourself feel content in your life - in your relationship and your situation.

“Where’s Jare?” you asked through a yawn, turning your face into the pillow to stifle it.

“Making breakfast with the boys,” she informed you. “You really slept through them coming in?”

Your eyes shot to hers, suddenly wide awake as your heart pounded in your chest.

“It’s okay,” she laughed kindly, propping herself up on her elbow. “If we really didn’t want them to know, Jared would have carried you to your own room last night.”

“What- uh,” you cleared your throat. “What did you tell them?”

“To be quiet,” she told you. “Not to wake you up. And that we’d explain later.”

“How much later?” you hedged, and she raised an eyebrow. “Like… while I’m in England?”

She laughed, leaning in and kissing you once more before getting out of bed.

“Like, when we go down for breakfast,” she told you, stretching her arms above her head and exposing a strip of tanned skin. “C’mon, get up. It’s gonna be fine.”

You sighed, watching as she ran her hands through her hair, turning towards her wardrobe.

“Your hair is really pretty this morning,” you told her, and she tipped her head back in a laugh.

“Flattery isn’t getting you out of this, sweetie,” she replied, pulling a large flannel over her tank. “We should talk to them together; as a unit.”

“I know,” you agreed, finally getting out of bed.

She smiled reassuringly, handing you a sweater.

“It’s gonna be fine.”

Breakfast was nowhere near as awkward as you thought it was going to be.

The boys were happy to see you, chatting away about Ninja Turtles as if you had any idea what they were talking about.

Once you’d finished, after all of you washed the dishes together as a family, the five of you sat down in the front room.

You had Shep on your lap in the armchair, Tom sat between his parents on the couch.

“Let’s talk about this morning,” Jared began, and your heart started racing as you rested your chin on top of Shep’s head.

“Auntie Y/N was in your bed,” Tom stated, and Jared and Gen nodded.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Shep asked, turning to look at you with concern in his eyes.

You huffed a laugh, wrapping your arms around him.

“No, I-” you shook your head, kissing his temple. “Don’t worry about me, kiddo.”

Gen ran her hand through Tom’s hair, resting it on his crown.

“Boys,” she said, and they both looked her. “You know that Mommy and Daddy love each other very much?”

They nodded, Shep leaning back against you.

“And sometimes, Mommy and Daddy kiss each other,” Jared continued.

Tom pulled a face, and Gen shook her head.

“This is important,” she told him, quietly. “Can you listen?”

“Sorry, Mama,” he murmured, sitting up straighter.

You looked across at Jared, his warm smile offering comfort.

“Sometimes, Mommy and Daddy kiss Y/N, too,” he told his sons, who both nodded slowly, unsure what to make of it.

“Daddy loves Y/N like he loves Mommy,” Gen continued, taking a breath as she caught your eye. “And Mommy… Mommy loves her, too.”

It was as if your heart stopped for a second, your breath catching in your throat.

“Me too,” Shep spoke up, cutting the tension and causing you to laugh.

“You love her, too?” Jared clarified, and he nodded.

“Yeah,” Tom agreed.

“I love you guys,” you murmured, kissing the top of Shep’s head again.

Jared looked at you, a question in his eyes.

You nodded, knowing what he was asking without him having to say it.

“There’s another thing,” he stated, grabbing the attention of his sons. “Baby Ditto - Y/N’s baby - is gonna be your sibling.”

Tom gasped, looking up at his father.

“We’re gettin’ a sister?” he asked, excitedly.

Jared laughed, pushing his hair back and kissing his head.

“Or another brother,” he clarified. “But Y/N’s baby is Daddy’s baby, too.”

Shep shifted again, looking up at you sincerely.

“Please can we have a sister?” he asked, and you laughed softly.

“I can’t decide that,” you told him, holding his chin when he started to pout. “But it’s okay if it’s a brother, right?”

He shrugged, “I guess. But try and make a sister?”

Gen laughed, standing and lifting Shep up onto her hip.

“Y/N can’t do anything to make Baby Ditto a boy or a girl,” she explained. “Either way, we love the baby, don’t we?”

Shep nodded, and Tom did the same.

He was watching you curiously, and you smiled at him, hiding your concern.

“What’s up, buddy?” you asked.

He took a second to contemplate before shaking his head and smiling back.

“Nothin’,” he smiled, crawling into his dad’s lap.

“Any questions?” Jared asked, and the boys both shook their heads. “Okay, go play.”

He playfully pushed Tom from his lap and Gen put Shep down, the two of them rushing off towards the playroom, talking about Ninja Turtles again as if nothing had happened.

Gen sat down on the arm of your seat, her hand resting on the back of your chair.

“Told you,” she smiled, tilting her head slightly. “It’s gonna be fine.”

You smiled, looking absently at the carpet in the middle of the floor.

“Yeah,” you murmured, glancing up at Jared before looking at Gen. “It is.”

Danneel took you to the airport on Thursday afternoon.

Jared had wanted to go with you, but gave up on the idea when you pointed out a few issues with his plan.

“Everyone knows I live with them,” you had reminded him. “It makes sense for her to take me. If it was you or Jensen we’d get too much attention, which is the opposite of what I want. Plus, we don’t need more speculation about Baby Ditto, do we?”

They’d arranged for airport security to take you to the gate, seeing as you’d be traveling alone, and on the other end you’d wait in the VIP lounge for Misha’s flight to get in.

His flight was due to land less than an hour after yours, and then the two of you were going to travel up to Blackpool together.

You and Danneel got to the airport early, so she stayed with you until you could check in.

You were dressed for comfort - a loose sweater to cover your little bump, and a pair of leggings - your clothes cool enough to stop you overheating in Austin but thick enough to keep you warm in England.

You were sat in a relatively quiet section of the airport, your feet up on the seat in between the two of you.

“Hey,” Danneel murmured, reaching for your wrist and pulling your hand away from your mouth.

You’d been biting on a hangnail without realising it.

“You okay?” she asked, concern evident in her tone.

“Yeah,” you smiled, shaking your head slightly. “A bit nervous. I’ve never really left the country apart from Vancouver.”

She nodded slowly.

“I thought as much,” she admitted. “It’s a real long flight and it’s overnight, so you could sleep for a lot of it.”

“That’s the plan,” you agreed, surprising yourself with how well you were handling your anxiety. “I get in at like 7am local time, so I’m hoping to sleep for most of the journey.”

“Good,” she nodded, pulling out her phone and aiming the camera at you.

“Dan, no,” you laughed, trying to bat it away.

“C’mon, smile,” she grinned, unrelenting.

You turned away, running a hand through your hair.

“I thought I said ‘no paparazzi’,” you joked, finally turning back and sticking your tongue out at her.

If she was going to get a picture of you without makeup, you were going to ensure that you were deliberately imperfect.

“Gorgeous,” she grinned. “Work it.”

You rolled your eyes, grateful that she pocketed her phone, obviously satisfied with the picture.

“I’m gonna miss you while I’m away,” you told her, and she smiled.

“What, even though I keep taking photos of you when you don’t want them?” she teased, and you laughed.

“Despite that,” you confirmed, and she reached for your hand.

“I’ll miss having you around the house,” she agreed. “But JJ is gonna want to FaceTime with you on like a daily basis, so you won’t have to miss us too much.”

You smiled, squeezing her hand before letting it go.

“I love that kid,” you murmured, and she smiled back at you.

“That’s probably for the best,” she told you. “You’ve made quite an impression on her.”

“She has on me, too,” you replied, looking up at the screen and seeing that you could check in now. “Show time.”

You got to your feet, shrugging your purse onto your shoulder before being pulled into a hug.

“You’re gonna have fun,” Danneel assured you, and you nodded, smiling genuinely as you pulled away.

“I’ve got a good feeling about it,” you admitted.

“I think it’ll do you some good to have some time for yourself,” she mused, and you agreed. “Okay, so, at the check-in desk, once they get your name they’ll know to assign you security.”

“I know,” you laughed softly, “Jared went through it with me last night and Jensen did before we left earlier.”

“You’ll be met with security to take you to the lounge in London, too,” she continued, regardless.

You realised that she was saying it to herself as much as she was to you, assuring herself that you were going to be safe.

“Misha will come and find you,” she added, her hands on your shoulders. “I want you to call me once you get to the lounge.”

Jensen had set your phone up onto an international plan - something that you didn’t even think of but came as second nature to them - so that you could stay in contact while you were away.

“It’ll be the middle of the night here,” you reminded her, and she shook her head.

“I’m not sleeping until I know you’ve landed safely,” she told you, and you sighed, kissing her cheek.

“I’ll call you when I land,” you assured her. “And I’ll text you when I meet Misha, and when we get to Blackpool.”

She nodded, satisfied, catching your wrists as you pulled away.

“I’m gonna be fine,” you reminded her.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I just worry about you.”

You laughed fondly.

“Such a mom.”

“Someone’s gotta be,” she murmured, pulling you into one final hug. “Love you, kiddo.”

“I love you, too,” you assured her, pulling back and lifting the handle of your luggage. “I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course,” she agreed, and you both pretended not to notice that her eyes were glistening. “You’re an Ackles girl. You’ve got this.”

The security person they assigned to you was a young guy - Alex - probably only a few years older than you.

Once you got talking, after realising that you were going to be with each other for the next hour at least, he admitted that he knew who you were.

He also admitted that it wasn’t from your acting, but from the ‘scandal’.

“There’s no scandal,” you told him as you sat waiting by the gate, Alex in the seat one over from you like Danneel had been earlier. It would’ve looked completely casual were it not for the fact he had a taser and God know’s what else attached to his belt.

“Not to overstep,” he hedged. “But there kinda is. I don’t even watch your show and I know about it, so…”

“It’s all speculation,” you assured him, pulling at your sweater self-consciously. “The only fact in the whole situation is that I’m pregnant.”

He nodded, slowly.

“So it really isn’t Jensen’s?” he asked, and you shook your head. “But you’re living with him?”

“I’m living with his family,” you corrected, pulling out your phone with the intention of showing him pictures of you and the kids, but instagram notifications threw you off course.

You opened the app, surprised to see that the picture Danneel tagged you in wasn’t you with your tongue out - rather an almost posed-looking image of you from when you were facing away.

Her caption made your heart swell, and you double-tapped and saved the picture without a second thought.

You showed the picture and caption to Alex instead, Danneel’s comment proving your point better than what you’d intended on showing him.

“Jensen’s wife,” you explained, and he nodded. “They’re like my parents. I literally called Jay ‘dad’ the other day.”

You left out the part where it was because you were talking to JJ, but he laughed, handing back your phone.

“You’re a lot cooler than people seem to think you are,” he told you, and you let out a startled laugh.

“Wow, thanks,” you teased, and he shook his head.

“Sorry, I-” he laughed, looking down. “That came out wrong.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled, sitting up straighter when you saw a girl in a ‘You Are Not Alone’ shirt approach.

Alex tensed, but you shook your head, smiling at the girl.

She looked younger than you by a couple of years and she was walking over calmly so you didn’t see her as a threat.

“Y/N?” she asked, her voice timid.

“Yeah,” you confirmed, smiling warmly. “How’re you?”

“Good,” she nodded. “I’m… wow.”

You laughed kindly, standing up and pulling your sweater down to cover your butt.

“Hug?” you asked, and she nodded, starstruck.

You hugged her, and she squeezed you tight.

“Are you headed to Asylum?” you asked once you’d sat back down, crossing your legs under you.

She shook her head.

“We don’t have money for conventions,” she admitted, almost embarrassed. “I never thought I’d get to meet you.”

“Not having money isn’t something to be ashamed of,” you told her, quietly. “Getting to the Supernatural auditions practically cost me my last dime. I know what it’s like, and you don’t have to be embarrassed. Not with me.”

She nodded, a smile pulling at her lips.

“What’s your name?” you asked, and she blushed.

“Oh, sorry. I’m Maya,” she introduced, and you smiled again.

“It’s so good to meet you, Maya,” you told her as her name was called from the gate across.

“My mom,” she laughed slightly. “I just wanted to say that I think you’re really brave and lovely and you don’t deserve the crap that you’ve been getting.”

“I really appreciate that,” you told her, honestly.

“Maya!” her mom shouted, the family getting ready to board. “Apúrate!”

“Ay, estoy yendo!” she shouted back, smiling apologetically back at you.

“Que tengan un buen vuelo,” you told her, and her eyes widened as you winked.

Spanish had come easy to you at high school, the only language other than English that you’d ever been able to understand properly. The expression on Maya’s face told you that you hadn’t butchered her language too much in your first attempt at speaking it in years.

“Gracias,” she replied, waving awkwardly to Alex as she rushed off to her family.

You laughed softly as you watched her apologise to her mom, the woman smiling kindly as Maya explained who you were.

“Are they all like that?” Alex asked, and you shook your head.

“Unfortunately not,” you admitted. “But the ones that are make everything worth it.”

He nodded as new information flashed up on the screen.

“Priority boarding,” he told you, getting to his feet. “That’s you.”

“Priority?” you asked, getting out your boarding pass.

“Yeah,” he laughed softly. “Dude, you’re business class and pregnant. That’s like… double priority.”

You laughed, stretching your arms above your head seeing as you were about to be on a plane for pushing ten hours.

“Well, thank you for keeping me company,” you told him, and he smiled.

“No problem,” he assured you. “I got paid for sitting down for forty minutes, it’s been a good day.”

You shrugged your purse onto your shoulder once more, taking a step in the direction of the gate.

“See you around,” you shot over your shoulder, and he nodded.

“Have a good flight, Y/N.”

You took a deep breath as you walked up to the gate, feeling calm despite your racing heart.

You’ve got this.

You’re an Ackles girl.

I’m literally fueled by feedback

@purgatoan, @thelittleredwhocould, @sammylynne321, @writergirl909, @vinylwinchesters, @thisisthelilith, @tlb-kylie, @allinhishands, @winchester-gospels-67, @supernatural0826, @greek-geek481, @mija-novella, @nerdysandwichqueen, @gemini75eeyore, @imaginespnr5er, @green-love-red-fantasyhearts, @kelsey-spn, @lafayettrash, @emoryhemsworth, @dearnoonethisisurlovesong, @spnolivia, @remybosslika, @ruined-by-destiel, @fernandasvaldi, @kickasscas67, @theplaidshirtmadness, @quilliamfears, @charity-elizabeth, @haleyhay96, @latinenglishfandomblog, @smoothdogsgirl, @chelseypaigeake, @katymacsupernatural, @prideandprejudiceandbrendonurie, @tiffanycaruso, @juliaschminke, @breakthesociety, @jpadjackles, @lakama15, @lookalivewinchester221b, @abbirae99, @hiddenwritingsintheworld, @karrington7, @leyhikawinchester, @youcanhavit, @faegal04, @ellen-reincarnated1967, @avengersgirllorianna, @burgundycastiel, @mint-and-pastel-pink, @feelmyroarrrr, @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, @obi-wan-my-only-ho, @aprofoundbondwithdean, @clueless-gold, @trashforwinchesters, @raeeismee, @supernaturalsuperfreakfan, @blacktithe7, @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki, @supernaturalstarbug, @pinkbunnies2001, @madelineannmolder, @danijimenezv, @h4izel, @missbabyfae, @bovaria, @impalaimagining, @im-super-potter-locked, @samcentric-fics, @oriona75, @samsexualdeancurious, @butiaintgonnaloveem, @atc74, @too-much-winchester, @aquabrie, @taylorlaurenthomas, @crowleysaveme, @missvengeance93, @flawsweirdo, @a-queen-and-her-throne, @maxwellthemajestickoala, @castielsgrace-idjits, @typicalweirdbookworm, @relationshipyard, @supernaturalismalife, @screechingfangirlnerd, @aeryntheofficial, @letsfrickfrackhemmings, @summerbee53, @cfordwrites, @pinolief2001, @im-beautifully-sewn, @clariedelalune, @xlarryisreallovex, @archer-whovian-violinist, @asgardianvamp21, @shadowpriestess6, @writingbeautifulmen, @l8nitl0vr, @wificrazymisfit, @policeofficerdean, @buckybarnesisalittleshit, @crowleysthornybeauty tags are closed because this took me 20 years