#and instead just create for the joy of creating and making weird shit

[ladytabletop]

thinkin bout that "too many hats in game design" post.

I love to collaborate. most of my game design career has been collaborative. the problem is everyone's a game designer, and far fewer people are layout artists and editors and marketers and the like (in my experience). and at a certain point of collaboration, if you're the only one with a certain skillset, you ONLY get to use that skillset and there's no time for anything else.

not sure where I'm going with this except that I've been thinking about how much I love layout design but how I also don't love it enough to give up the part of game design that is actually designing the games.

[nightgoodomens]

I am very sorry but this was in the back of my mind and i just have to say it. It'll never be not funny to me how he talked about egg and chips with more passion than the mother of his children💀 (let alone David who clearly has his own place, the difference is so sky high it's unfair to compare.)

It's really disappointing how some decide to neglect and deny themselves the joy, from one of the most loving relationships out there just for the reason that it doesn't fit into society's norm boxes. Instead they drag the standards embarrassingly low, because they refuse to let go of the perfect image they crafted out of thin air or any modicum of truth.

Sometimes it makes me scarred to live in a society where "goals" for a healthy, happy relationship is reduced to diplomatic answers, we didn't want this but you meet who you meet ( uncanny resemblance to another couple iirc), unhappy content due to cameras being pushed into your face or tasteless insults in a medium you know they can't (or won't,due to dignity) get back at you. How can you say "love" when the man went out of his way to say "because of how we felt about each other" instead of simply saying now we love each other.

I think when he talked about that arrangement it was the only time there was no light in his eyes… With David he was shining, other questions you could see he was having fun too.

We know this fandom was in much denial for a while, but we have reached the point where they even pretend things aren’t there (Neil saying David and Michael are in love) yet saying they can see Michael and Anna are in love (a word Michael refuses to use for her yet easily gives to David, multiple times). They have created their own fantasy. And it’s extra funny because “shippers” are the bad guys basing their views on actual things that are said and the body language etc, whereas “real fans” now actually need to ignore things and put words in Michael’s mouth to keep their fantasy going. They don’t see how weird it is that AL is spending her day on social media looking for validation from strangers either. They don’t see how depressed David is looking and how GT is giving them break up songs. They don’t see DT growing more and more annoyed with GT acting more and more like a paparazzi. They don’t see GT blatantly undermining David’s accomplishments, or insulting him. They don’t see Michael looking sad in the selfies with just AL. They don’t see that it’s a different world if you switch to MS/DT instead. They ignore that it was said that the men are boyfriends. They ignore that Neil told them the men are still in love. They have an excuse for everything. Yet we are the ones making stuff up?

I do think there is some sort of irony in Michael and David starting their relationships with women in a very similar way. And I wonder if this is why David dislikes Anna so much, because seeing this shit playing out in front of him, with someone he deeply cares about, must sting.

Sometimes when I watch this fandom and their choice to use denial so bluntly… it kind of puts in perspective why so many people are in unhappy relationships and why so many people have relationships/marriages falling apart… A lot of people struggle with seeing what’s right in front of them. A bit extra, but you know how politicians can get people to believe lies so easily? Because they know people are gullible. A lot of people struggle to think for themselves and will join collective, sheep thinking to be part of the group. A lot of people are scared to say “actually…”. It’s easier to be part of a group. And some people simply are not capable of analysis. Especially when you give them what they want to see - Brexit is such a fantastic evidence on how you fool half of the country because majority of people do not think for themselves or check evidence. And if you give them what they want to hear? You’re in.

[plenilune]

what a weird year it's been! this time last year I remember being so high on not wanting to die for the first time in years that I was ecstatic to greet 2023 and find out what I could do in it -- I don't feel that way this year, buffetted about by circumstance and my stupid human body and brain, but I don't feel defeated. I feel like I made a good first pass at a piece of work and now I'm going to take a hack at another draft. I made some good ground. not all the ground I was hoping to make, but a lot I wasn't expecting. I feel good about my ability to keep building a life and a self I can be more and more joyful to occupy.

I tried a lot of new things and some of them didn't work but most of them did. I said yes to a lot of weird shit. I had so many experiences this year. I'm glad I spent a night dancing and smoking on the fire escape outside a masonic lodge and being absolutely drenched in rain. I'm glad Corey and I went on a gorgeous queer group ride with a bunch of other queer cyclists through the streets of our favourite parts of northern Kentucky and then bicycled back home together. I'm glad I had a not-quite-one-night stand and bused home as the sun rose golden and alive and lovely. I'm glad I re-learned the importance of dancing at clubs until I can barely move. I'm glad I saw Oldboy in the cinema and was so adrenalised that I jumped up and down on the sidewalk and screamed waiting for my bus home. I started painting back patches and sewing things onto my clothing and making jewellery and collaging and cropping all my tshirts and sweaters.

I started writing again .god, I started writing again.

and I broke my phone, my glasses, and my computer and struggled financially and took a nightmarish disaster trip to Philadelphia for my grandmother's funeral and I lost access to meds for reasons that were completely my own fault and thus sunk into a mire of depression and fatigue for several months that could have been completely avoided. I struggled to connect to people and struggled to feed myself and been a goddamn wreck. I didn't really accomplish most of the things I thought I was going to, that I started with eagerness and energy at the beginning of the year.

but hell. I built some shit. now I can keep building on top of it. I feel like a completely different person sometimes now, with different possibilities. I fucked up and lost and careened into walls of bad luck over and over this year but I feel better for and about it than I have in a long time. okay, that's new muscles. okay okay okay. new page, new draft, we can go again.

anyway. this year I want to push forward more deliberately on some of the stuff I found out I could do this year -- obviously I am continuing to work on my goddamn space heist book, but also specifically pursue block printing, drag/burlesque, bass, and making zines in 2024 instead of just experimenting with them. bicycle more, cook more, invest in people more, Not Go Off My Meds At Any Point, play more video games, watch more films. (I watched over sixty this year! after barely watching films for so long I didn't know what my own taste was any more, and feeling the shame and confusion of having once been a kid who wanted to go to film school but didn't know what movies they liked any more.)

anyway. here's to all of you who have kept me alive and interested in the world this year. my beloved partner is making arriabbiata and playing jazz in the next room. I have to work first thing tomorrow but tonight I'm going to finish the first season of Better Call Saul and poke at my novel and the day after tomorrow I'm going to have tea and listen to music and sew patches onto my jacket and best flannel. I'm going to keep finding new things to be alive for. I'm going to create a self I want to live inside. I'm excited to know what things are going to happen to me in 2024. I'm excited to learn about new ways to feel joy.

goodnight, 2023. you were a mess and I loved you more often than I didn't.

[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!

[ginger-futch]

Poppy Playtime Headcanons (some spoilers ahead):

Personally I see the toys as adults.

No, I don't say that for weird porn reasons. I don't think Playtime Co. would've gave their "family friendly" abominations the anatomy to do anything like that. But they do have human nervous systems and are strongly implied to have humanlike organs, given how the Bron experiment tape explicitly mentions lungs and a thyroid gland.

It just makes more sense to me that they'd be, neurologically and perhaps hormonally, akin to adults. Horribly traumatized adults whose brains have developed in strange and frightening ways to cope with what's been done to them, but adults no less.

I do not subscribe to really any theory that focuses on souls and rituals and stuff. This game leans a little more science fiction than fantasy in my opinion, compared to, say, FNAF or Bendy and the Ink Machine. The process to turn someone into a toy isn't a ritual but instead a procedure. The people doing the dark shit aren't cultists but scientists.

In my general headcanon, Theodore Grambell was 7 years old when he was transformed into CatNap in 1990, making him 12 at the time of the Hour of Joy, and 22 in the game.

Similarly, I headcanon Marie Payne to have been 10 years old when she was turned into Mommy Long Legs (because of her maternal behavior towards the other kids and experiments; big sister vibes) in 1991, making her 14 during the Hour of Joy, and 24 in the game.

Mostly I say all this as a reference point for my own sort of Hurt-Comfort AU, which I'm tenatively calling the Recovery AU. Basically, instead of an employee returning to the factory, it's a former orphan who used to live there, and the young adult makes the decision to rescue her old friends by whatever means she can.

Of course, the bulk of the AU is what happens after they all get out of there. It's easy to end a story of great suffering with a cathartic death - the long fall, the crusher, the closing shutter, the stabbing hand, all after a long and terrifying chase sequence - but it's a lot harder to take those same characters and see how they might adjust to the "real world" outside the very specific circumstances that turned people into monsters. I want to see how Huggy Wuggy or Kissy Missy navigate therapy without the ability to speak or use normal hand signs. I want to see Mommy Long Legs reunite with her foster mom and shed tears at the feeling of the sun on her face. I want to see CatNap get deprogrammed and learn how to value himself and others without dipping into black and white thinking. I want to see Poppy try desperately to keep up with technology that is already far beyond anything she could have imagined when she was first "created" and locked away.

[iztea]

Do you like drawing in a sense that it relaxes you? Like a hobby you‘re looking forward to after a day of work. Do you feel joy while you draw?

I‘m currently battling my art demons and came to the conclusion that drawing actually makes me feel shitty a lot of the time because I only take joy out of the results yk? So if it‘s good, great! If I get overwhelmed woah my world is breaking down. My therapist told me I need a hobby that actually relaxes me and that I like solely for itself, not connected to performance, and I was wondering if drawing is just generally the wrong thing for that or if there‘s a way for people to actually enjoy it in a relaxing way.

You‘re so open about your drawing process and you‘re my favorite art account so you fell victim to my question haha but I get that this ask is pretty specific and kinda weird, don‘t feel pressured to answer :)

i do very much enjoy drawing in a relaxing way; for me, it's the equivalent of playing video games or watching Netflix so, in a way, i think of drawing as "unproductive work". Not sure if you're actually looking for a solution-based answer to your problem or if you just want to hear my side/my opinion on the matter, but I'll try to delve into both. 

I think for me personally, I've always found drawing to be relaxing for the most part. Frustration is always to be expected, of course, but I wouldn't say it ruins the mood, it's just something that comes and goes. The only unpleasant part about drawing for me is strictly related to the social media aspect or just making it public. Now, I'm not sure if you have an art account as well or how much you relate to this but I very often dread posting stuff online. I kinda have to force myself almost every time to make something public because I hate the applause but I am also rational enough to understand that art is meant to be shared with others, even if I personally don't feel a strong need to... It's just one of those human behaviour things you have to mimic or adapt to get by, similar to many other things that don't make sense to me personally but I cognitively understand why they happen but I digress

 When it comes to the process itself, I actually enjoy it more than the final result. If I had a lot of fun experimenting with brushes and new techniques and crazy effects i saw online then i get a sense of joy no matter the end result, and here is where my first piece of advice comes into play: learn to enjoy the process without thinking of the destination. For me, even when I do have a clear idea in mind, it always fluctuates and I let it fluctuate. Sometimes it even looks like shit. So what? It's just for your eyes, who cares if it doesn't look good? Just call it a flop and move to another thing, or revisit it sometime later when your skills improve. This is even easier when you do not have an art account where you share your art, there's zero pressure, you're creating the pressure yourself.

Just think about it: 

>why do you feel shitty and overwhelmed? -> because you care about the end result

>why do you care? -> because if it turns out bad, it feels like wasted time. or because you put your worth into what you create or because [  fill in your answer here ]

>do you still want to continue drawing? -> if there is a way to enjoy it in a relaxing way, then yes i assume

Ok great! Then, the solution is to remove that root feeling of disappointment, overwhelm or despair by learning to appreciate the process of creation and bask in the uncertainty of it instead of being so dead-set on the final piece. If you are not content enough with your skills to end up drawing something that you're always satisfied with, and if it causes you this much distress, then drop your expectations and don't reach the finish line. I mean this literally: draw forever-WIPs. Sketches. Doodles. Don't render, don't even try to think of a color palette. Don't Finish Your Art. Enjoy the process of discovery, of trial-and-error of indecision and I can assure you it will be during these moments when you'll find the relaxation you're looking for.

Enjoyment and relaxation, in my experience, come from two places/approaches: 1. the subject itself and/or 2. noticing improvement in your skills.

To give you an example, when I was sick with fever I drew Dazai as that "let's take ibuprofen together" meme and I thought it was the best shit in the world I was on cloud nine and giggling to myself. Looking back on that art, I now realize it looks terrible (and i lowkey want to redraw it) but back then i was laughing while drawing it and felt Great. because I was drawing something i thought it was funny. Not even once did I think "oh man, I hope this turns out nice ohh it will be so awful if it doesn't the world will explode" because that was not its purpose. Granted i was a bit,,,,,, unwell given my sickly state but my point still stands! So, what I'm trying to say here is that you can try drawing "funny/silly" things as a way to sort of lessen that burden of expectations. Or just something you reaaalllly want to see and you know no one else will do it. Taking matters in your own hands type beat

The second way to enjoy drawing in a relaxing way is by taking the other route: instead of focusing on the subject matter, try focusing on new techniques, new brushes, new tutorials or approaches you found online. Basically, focus on improving your skills in a fun-no-pressure-no-strings-attached way while keeping your subject of choice neutral or uninteresting. Or maybe take the artwork of an artist you really like and try to deconstruct it/ reverse engineer it and apply it to your own art. But whatever you do or choose, just never finish it. let them stay as wips or else you won't be very.. relaxed.

*please note this is an "and/or" statement, so you can absolutely do both: try a new technique you found while drawing something that you also enjoy for uhhhhhhhhhhh relaxmaxxing as the would kids say

Lastly, what I would highly recommend is listening to Adam Duff's podcasts, he really hits the nail on the head when it comes to such topics and more, he really narrates and explores that soulful part of an artist way better than I ever could with this answer so please check him out, I think you'll find your answers there

[ofstormsandsaints]

Bonjour y'all

I think that whenever I have something important to say, I'll start the post like this.

I know that I have been one hell of an inactive bitch on this blog and it's fine. It happens. But damn, that's not respectful towards the (amazing) people who send me asks. Thus, I'm sorry.

I'm quite the ungrateful one. But I won't pretend I've been slowly working on some drafts and stuff when, with all my honesty, I haven't written shit for weeks. Even though most of the asks I received (if not all of them) were truly interesting and it fills my heart with joy that some people want to know more about the silly things I write.

Like some of my mutuals, I haven't found a lot of interest in DL lately. Doesn't mean I want to quit the fandom - I've been there since I was 11, come on. The DL universe is where my simp roots are🫡.

But I've had a hard time finding inspiration or appeal towards my favourite stupid toxic fanged-boys lately. Doesn't mean that I'm going to transform this blog into a multifandom one either -- I just... don't know what to do with it right now? I like my ocs and I want to give them a proper development but I also want to keep on creating moodboards/writing weird-outsider poetry so bear with me ✊🏻.

I want to take the time to decide what to do with this blog; how to make it 'mine', instead of just posting stuff once in a blue moon, you know?

That's all for today, stay hydrated folks 🪻

[greenpanda-basicfakewitch]

Divination | Ouija

[Or as I keep calling it and being teased for it Luigi board] [Source] [Take this with a grain of salt- Ouija isn't my thing]

A controversial tool, a flat board with letters/alphabet along with the words yes or no alongside a planchette, heart shaped with an eye in the centre.. Quoted as “A board that is both pure and evil.” Created several lawsuits by the Library of Congress. A supernatural tool to commune with the dead.

[Personally the board gives me the wiggies, I know people think a pendulum is the same thing. But I just think requesting the help of a friend or some spirit is different than going knees deep into dead spirits and other things. Idk I just think its different]

So. give respect. Never ask how they died. Always say goodbye. NEVER finish until they say Goodbye [although its said its leaving it open, and some say it's to be polite and close the connection its okay if they don't say goodbye…I’d rather be safe than sorry]

 If the Planchette leaves the board? Burn the board. Never leave the Planchette on the board keeping the connection open for the possible spirit to leave the board.

Watch out for zozo. Or creating a figure eight. Treat it as a board game and keep calm dont bring in anxiety, or any depressive energy or thoughts.

Seven Subtitues For a Ouija Board [Source]

As a substitue You can use a Coin. A washer coin. A poker Chip. Upside down shotglass. [More info Below] Make a wood plachette etc. More info in the Link Above.

[Personally I do respect the craft/believe in ghosts and spirits a little. But sometimes its weird that ALL ghost story/sightings happen in America and possessions specifically happen in spain/mexico. Given that other countries dont have footage like in the UK for ghost sightings [we have OLD as fuck buildings older than america at least] so yeah sometimes it feels a bit huey.]

So the dangers of Ouji board?

This is the recent article for 2023. “28 girls hospitalised with anxiety. All fainted after a ouija board had gone wrong.” Posted March 7. 2023. [Source]

But luckily an exorcist police officer CLAIMS girls opened a Doorway to- […A police officer just HAPPENS to be an exorcist? What are the odds thank god an exorcist who happens to be an OFFICER was THERE at the same time! wow thank god *sarcasm*]

“One mother complained: “I work here in a hospital kiosk and every day I see three or four children arrive after fainting.”

So kids fainting is a regular thing? Is there some health/environmental issues and they're using an occult board to cover it up. Sounds like confirmation bias and fear mongering for christian loving cultists to prove that wiccan/occult are devil worshipping sinners oh joy. Or Group psychosis, look I love Wicca but I don’t believe in that supernatural shit, I honestly doubt it was a wooden board that caused that and instead was teens being dramatic or the school has some issues and want to hide the responsibility. Oh 36 now [Source]

_____________________________________________________________

Seance

[Source Image: The Dreaming Queeniechan Manga]

A Cup Seance. A meeting. Typically with a medium or other spiritualists in which people intend to communicate with the dead.

The rituals of the seance and the medium are opening up insights into the mind, shedding light on the power of suggestion and even questioning the nature of free will.

How to perform a Seance

 A ceremony to contact the dead.

 To perform this ritual you will need six candles, white and purple in colour and a white cloth. In Addition you will need to sweeten the air by burning cinnamon frankincense and sandals wood. As the fire burns, concentrate on contacting the spirit and chant the spell that follows. If you know the mortal name of the deceased, adjust the chant accordingly. 

 Beloved unknown spirit, we seek your guidance. We ask that you commune with us and move along us. 

[Humanity has been attempting to commune with the dead since ancient times. As far back as Leviticus, the Old Testament God actively forbade people to seek out mediums. Interest peaked in the 19th century, a time when religion and rationality were clashing like never before. In an era of unprecedented scientific discovery, some churchgoers began to seek evidence for their beliefs.

 [Source]

Table Tipping

 Table tipping, or turning has gone out of fashion but is easy to replicate for four or more people, a small table. Or aka Ouji Boards Big Brother.

 dim lights and a relaxed atmosphere. The group places hands on the table and wait. After 40 minutes or so the table should start to move. It soon appears to have a mind of its own, sliding, swaying and even pinning people to the walls.

The reason why household furniture can appear to be possessed was exposed more than 160 years ago by Michael Faraday, the discoverer of the link between magnetism and electricity. In 1852 Faraday was fascinated by the new craze of table tipping – and whether people or spirits were responsible. So he took bundles of cardboard roughly the size of a table top and glued them weakly together. Each sheet got progressively smaller from top to bottom, allowing Faraday to mark their original positions on the card above with a pencil. He then placed the cards on a table and asked volunteers to put their hands on the cards and let the spirits move the table to the left.

If it was spirits, the table top would slide out the cards from the bottom up. But if the participants were doing it, the top cards would be the first to move. By examining the position of the pencil marks Faraday showed that people, not spirits, moved the table. 

A youtuber created a video on how to summon a Spirit into a bottle:

[Source]

[dragonmuse]

Lucius seems to have a thing for older men. In the main universe he mentions coming to terms with the fact that he’ll likely outlive both Pete and Izzy.

In the universe where all three are together, Izzy seems to handle it by being practical and making sure that Lucius will be taken care of financially.

How does Pete, in either universe, deal with Lucius being so much younger?

(How have I never discussed this? I am constantly surprised that I can cover so much ground and then look back and just see huge swaths of unexplored territory. It is a joy to create this map with all of you, just so you know!

To your question anon! This started as an answer, but got a bit ficlet on me so let's call it that)

Initially, Pete mostly worries that Lucius will just wake up one day and be like "who is this old dude in my bed? Gross." The longer that goes on with not happening, Pete graduates more into just being proud that he's managed to get this very hot young stud. He's not entirely sure how he managed it, but he's not going to let that stop him from fluffing his plumage abut it. (Lucky for him Lucius finds his pride about this very cute, especially as the years go by and it never dims.) What else is there to say about it? Pete is older, but aside from looks, Pete knows everyone would guess from the way they talk and act that Lucius had years on him.

Sometimes things will come up. Small things. Cartoons that were of the air before Lucius could watch them as a kid. Lucius will say things like, "Oh yeah, that election. It was the year before I could start voting, I was furious." And Pete will think Shit, I was 33. But that stuff comes up because they grew up in radically different places and ways too. They're not similar in a lot of ways, what's one more really?

And then Pete turned 46. Their relationship was six years old and they'd been married for two of those years. Lucius at thirty is even more beautiful, more solid and clever and kind. Pete still says 'my husband' with the kind of reverence reserved for angels and small gods.

It was a good birthday too. A group of them had gone bowling and Frenchie had made Pete a crown out of sparkly tulle and a boning meant for a corset that he wore all night. They drank enough to be merry, but not plastered. Izzy had even shown up, with a wrapped box of lures for their next fishing expedition. It was pretty great.

Yet, Pete woke up in the morning, and a tide of dread swept over him. Lucius was still sleeping, so Pete let him be, wandering into the living room. He didn't start coffee. He didn't go out to the get the paper. He didn't even take the couch. Instead, he claimed John's usual chair and looked out the window.

"Babe?" Lucius found him sometime later. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah." Pete shook himself, dredged up a smile. "You sleep okay?"

"Yeah," Lucius frowned at him. "Hey, c'mon, what's up?"

"Dunno," Pete admitted. "Just woke up with a bad feeling."

"Something happen last night?"

"No, it was great. I had a good time," Pete assured him. He rubbed a hand over his head, the faint scratch of stubble around the edges reminding him it was almost time for a clean up. "I don't know. Maybe it was a weird dream I can't remember or something. You want coffee?"

"How about I make it?"

"Thanks."

The coffee got Pete to move. He sat down beside Lucius on the couch. Lucius was still just in boxers. There was a little hair on his belly these days as if it had just figured out it was supposed to arrive. Pete like that hair, had run his hand over it many times.

"I could take some time this afternoon," Lucius offered, rousing Pete's attention back to his face. "We could hang out, if you want."

"No, it's okay. I've got to finish up the seaming on that pant suit or Frenchie is going to murder me," he sighed. "It's fine, babe, really."

They wound up working side by side anyway. Lucius usually preferred to draw at his desk in the bedroom, but he declared the light in the living room was better today and Pete wasn't going to argue him out of it. Frenchie and John were on a buying expedition, picking fabrics for one of their choosier clients. It was nice to have company in their absence.

Without them, Pete put on his own music, pleased that he could do so uncontested for once. Lucius didn't care, too deep in his work to register much at all. On a whim, he chose an older playlist and hummed along to the music his father had always loved. Old fashioned folk and country things.

It was only halfway through the "Sixteen Tons" that Pete's foot fell off the pedal, stopping the hem midway through. The song fell into the depths, forgotten.

He looked to Lucius, who was tapping his lips with one knuckle on his left hand as he drew a careful arc with his left. The late afternoon sun caught in his dark hair and he looked entirely peaceful and beautiful. His skin was still flawless, broken up only by a five o'clock shadow.

Pete paused the music. It's absence registered more with Lucius than it's presence had and he looked up immediately.

"Are we taking a break?" he asked, rolling his shoulders back.

"I figured it out."

"What'd you figure?"

"I know why I woke up weird today."

"Yeah?" Lucius set aside the tablet and stylus. Still the same one Pete had fixed for him years ago. "Why's that?"

"My dad...he didn't make it to 46."

"I never did the math on that. Fuck, that's so young."

"Right?" Pete scooted over to bump his hip into Lucius' and was rewarded with an arm around his shoulders. "I have days, I guess. But I still feel really good. Happy. Healthy. But he was too, you know? Until that last year or so. What if that happened to me too?"

"You said he never went to a doctor though," Lucius reminded him. "And he didn't take very good care of himself."

"It was the job," Pete agreed. "I think it killed him, in the end. But...I don't know. How can I not think about that?"

"Guess you have to, at least a little."

"I don't have a will."

"....okay, so?"

"So," Pete closed his eyes. "I should have one. My Dad didn't and it was such a mess. I don't want that for you."

"Hey...hey we don't have to talk like that," Lucius said quickly.

"No, I think maybe we do. Just for a few minutes, okay?"

Lucius' mouth pinched up, but he nodded once, accepting.

"I'll ask Stede about a lawyer, he knows a bunch," Pete decided. "It's not like there's a lot of stuff, but I've got a little money saved up. There's the IRA. I want to make sure you get all that."

"Pete-" Lucius started then stopped. "Okay, babe. But only if I get one too."

"Why?"

"I'm not immortal either," he said softly. "And shit happens. You want to take care of me, I want to take care of you. Okay?"

"...yeah, okay."

And he'd go along with it. They'd both get wills written up, simple things to cover their few assets and belongings. They told John and Frenchie where they were were stored just in case which inspired them to do the same. It was fine. Just paperwork.

"You've got a will, right?" Pete asked Izzy. They were sitting out on a rented rowboat, lines cast and the day so beautiful, it was hard to believe death was real in it's golden light.

"Yeah. Changed it a year or two ago so Read can keep her place if something happens," Izzy didn't seem bothered by the topic, eyes mostly on the water.

"Oh yeah, she gets everything then?"

"No. Good chunk, but the agency goes to Jim. Few things to a few other people. My place and the rest of the money goes to Lucius. I figure he can sell it if he wants, but it's as much his as it is mine by now."

"I keep thinking abut that. I never really thought what it would mean in the long run," Pete admitted. Who else could he say this to, really? "I never realized that from the word go, I was setting myself up to leave him."

"Not like you're getting a divorce," Izzy was looking at Pete now, not the water. "We can't do shit about it."

"I could've found someone my own age like a fucking normal person. No offense."

"Fuck off," Izzy said without heat. "Anyone can die on anyone. That's just how it is."

"But-"

"No fucking buts. He's a grown ass man, he made his choices. All you and I can do is try our fucking best for him. Like everything else."

"Yeah, yeah you're right," Pete subsided. He turned his attention back to the fishing line.

A few minutes later, Izzy turned back to him, eyes flashing,

"But you better fucking outlive me, Black."

"Uh...why?"

"Because I am not dealing with him on my own. I can barely do this as a team. You die on me and I will dig you the fuck up and kill you again myself. Got it?"

Pete paused than burst out laughing. "Yeah, I got it."

He didn't really make it a habit of doing what Izzy wanted, mostly because the man was very easy to rile up in predictably hilarious ways, but he thought just this one time he might do his best to rise to the occasion.

[gayshitinfinite]

16, 20, 23, 25 🌷

xxx

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

one of the smartest, coolest people i know (like go through their blog SERIOUSLY). she's really funny and well-versed in her memes ( i have no idea how u possess the talent to think/find those things and edit so quickly. like how????? the talont, the skills, i could never).

finder of cursed emojis and maker of the cutest crocheted (crocheyed?) baymax plushie, i bow down to you. i admire your strength to keep going no matter how long it takes. thank you for every time you've listened to my problems and for sharing (and for "bringing me" ramen soup (i hope they make a kanji one soon.... or not. the ramen one is really good too), you are a good friend<3333

16.what do you want most in the world right now?

self control?(......that sounds so bad dude). to be more conscious of whats happening instead of just letting things happen (u ever wanna get out of your body and shake yourself by the shoulders and scream 'bitch u have agency, u can make decisions, u can make actions. u r not some character doomed by the narrative or something'). motivation. i'd really like some motivation abt now. god i just wanna do something. anything really. just start something, or pick up something i left off, or idk finish things.

i really want to scream 'stop leaving shit and stop being scared of trying or doing something all the time. GOD' at myself

do something. yeah i really wanna do something ( she sounds like she cud be talking abt drugs. she is not. she's talking abt painting a mushroom (the fungus), 2 girls kissing,funny pictures of cats. binding a book, making funny/cute earrings (or just fucking completing her eng h.w for god's sake)

i'd really like to do things again. i miss it so badly u have no idea. i no longer want to pretend to be cool and mysterious and like, its hard to make me smile or amuse me. i wanna feel joy like that again. i wanna love passionately. i just want to learn and create something. i want to practice a skill and see it's effects bear fruits, uk. im so tired of laying around watching time pass me by and feeling regretful and disappointed and so so guilty for no reason. like can u do something different for MY sake plsss. im so tired and i dont wanna rest. im so tired of resting. i'd really like to stop being paralyzed and overwhelmed by the things i want to do. and instead just start something. or complete one thing i left off. just pick it up again. one thing. one thing for now.

so.. yeah, get my shit together and do something. thats what i wud like to do

23.favorite piece of clothing?

a frilly (kind of) white shirt with little bit lace on it that makes me feel like a pirate. a blue jacket (actually a hand-me-down-shirt), a handme down tshirt.

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.?

honestly, i really love hugs. getting hugs or holding hands with people i love and care abt. but i guess that's not a 'personal gift'.

i really love notes or like letters. like write me something stupid and I would probably keep it forever.

i love being send memes, or articles or quotes or poetry(esp. if it like breaks something in me and puts me back together or something for a sec). ig i like getting written stuff. huh thats something i havent noticed abt myself.

i also like getting music recs or cute jimkis(jhumkis) or hanging earrings.

thankyou sumi for the ask<33333( calling you sumi without chechi added feels weird. should i call u chechi?)

[versegm]

Also gimme the deets on Theatre AU!!

Oh BOY this is gonna be a long one. I am incapable of making a normal modern au i NEED these bitches to be freaks in some way I literally can't help it.

The cape Castoria finds is meant to be Saber's cape! The relationship between Castoria & anime girl king arthur would be way too long to explain in thsi post, but they're connected so I figured it would make a cute easter egg.

I considered having Castoria freeload below the deck instead, because I've personally never played in a theater that had storage rooms above deck, but I really wanted to keep the Phantom Of The Opera vibe so I just went fuck it.

Love my girl Castoria who is a paranoid little rat constantly looking for the closest escape route <3

I have no idea how to write Oberon I just imitated Herlock's speech pattern and crossed my fingers

Gray is in fact a different Fate character! the tl;dr of Gray is that she's a regular-ass human, but unfortunately she was born in a weird arthuriana cult, which lead to her body slowly turning into that of king arthur. She has issues with her face a lot because like, if your face shifted to become that of a perfect stranger wouldn't that be fucked up. Coincidentally, Castoria also has king arthur's face, though for arguably less angsty reasons.

The Night of Wallachia is another nasuverse character (technically from Melty Blood rather than any fate work tho.) I will redirect you to Lance's post as to whomst this man is though because I have yet to play Melty Blood myself.

Moly is a plant from Homer's Odysseus btw

Deep fucking sigh I fucking wish. I fucking wish we had more stories about the aftermath of isekai adventures, my man. I want to know what's it like to see someone with medieval wartime reflexes who just refuses to talk about shit. Anyways the entire Guda subplot is just me not being normal about isekais, as per usual.

So this scene was originally a lot longer, with Guda tricking Castoria into giving a lot more personal information (exact date of birth, last name) and ending with them taking a group selfie- all info they can use later on to forge her ID. But it was kinda boring so I just went the "Guda forges papers by winging it and she can't call them out on it without admitting that her own living situation is garbage" route.

Didn't put nearly as much foreshadowing as I would have liked, but it's meant to be a hint of "hey maybe Castoria straight-up created Oberon, cuz how else would he know so much about her?"

Castoria is so fucking gender.

You probably saw me posting about it, but Guda's canon age in fgo is kinda nebulous. At the beginning of the game they are definitely "below the drinking age," but it's mentioned/implied a couple times later on that no one knows how old they are now (I think Vritra? Has a voice line along the lines of "oh you don't drink because you don't know how old you are so you're just being safe by assuming it's below 21? ok") What time travel and time loops and being locked outside of time does to a mf.

The Guda-Castoria-Oberon banter is a fucking joy to write. Bitches who keep teaming up to dunk on the third one.

This bit was inspired by my sister, who has collected all six of her chairs on the streets.

SO FUNNY STORY. I didn't actually ship Castoria/Oberon going in. But like. There was no reason for me not to include them having weird sexual tension, especially considering I was gonna do that with GudaCas and ObeGuda. So I was like whatever I'll keep it ambiguous but I'm not closing any doors. And then like a fool I tricked myself into liking it. I literally never fucking learn.

Ultra mega shout out to my cosplayer friend for their extensive knowledge of how to make fantasy armor.

The Luik festival is in fact a real-life music festival.

Lance was the one to point out that in a way the theater au is a role reversal from canon. In canon, Castoria and Oberon are both painfully aware of what they are and what they need to do, while Guda is increasingly unsure as to what they want and why they want it. Meanwhile here Oberon and Castoria are desperately grasping at any hint as to what is wrong with them, while Guda is crystal-clear on their singular goal of "I need to get the fuck out of here."

I keep forgetting that sexual attraction is a thing so I tried to pay attention to it for once. Hope I didn't overdo it.

Something something you have to let go of your past or you will only end up hurting the people who are in your life now.

When you learn that your friend has been on a path of self-destruction and you are directly to blame bottom text.

I think I already said it, but my original outline was for the three of them to have incredibly violent sex post fight, and then an extra chapter of "mh. Perhaps we should talk about things actually." I remember I wanted the dialogue to go along those lines:

Guda: ok so maybe we should talk about things actually

Oberon: not talking about things worked just fine for us until now

Castoria: it literally did not

Oberon: cranky because hatesex is so much better than regular sex aren't you

Castoria: I wouldn't know, only ever had one of those two

Guda: wait, shit, was that your first time? Oh my fucking god. what the fuck. let me give you an actual proper kiss instead of whatever the fuck this was. Oberon, you kiss her too.

I rewatched a bit of lb6 for unrelated reasons recently and I'd. Completely forgotten that when they reunite with Mash at the end of part one they do in fact act like that.

Quote from the lesson of the moth!

Wanted to make it reminiscent of their first meetings, with Guda also dragging them through a door.

So yeah, that's my self indulgence! I had a lot of fun writing it :) I love... isekais.

[ghooostbaby]

i'm been too sleepy to read books these days so i must turn the razor beam of my weighty and emotionally intense analysis to the unsuspecting and unprepared xianxia drama love between fairy and devil

*spoilers*

i was in SO MUCH pain after xiao lanhua transformed into the goddess but then... it just felt so incongruous too. once she has all this power, just the same as dongfang qingcang, but they seperate themselves. and are this weird self-sacrificial power couple "i'm going to drain all my power and self-annihilate so you won't be harmed by the evil god" "no I'M going to drain all my power and self-annihilate so YOU won't be harmed by the evil god" ...

their satisfacton in life came from growing/being with the other so honestly you know that whichever one is "saved" would never be happy without the other so what's the point in deciding to secrerly kill yourself to let the other one live freely when they would only be miserable?? it also keeps creating doubts in they validity of their love ... because, frankly, choosing to lie to someone to kill yourself while preserving the life of the person you love/in love with you is just cruel and disrespectful!!

especially whats the point in keeping it a secret from them to make sure you accomplish your self-sacrifice when there's a chance if you both have this huge power now that you could actually work together?!

"i love this person soooo much i'm going to kill myself so they can live eternally alone"

there's also a lot about the last few episodes that is such pivotal plot stuff but is not really explained at all but the show just *waves hands* cGi MaGiC ~~

i dont really understand how tai sui took over dongfang qingcang's body ... unless dfqc was just overconfident that he could defeat him?

it doesnt exactly make sense, dongfang qingcang floating in the sky and just a lot of CGI flames and ok?? now dfcq is drifting away into mist but why?? he had all these new powers that came out of this confrontation, and now and orchid/goddess used her purifying power and the black lines on his body went away? lots of flashy colour swirls that show him being dissolved idk but it just feels so anticlimactic and ... not believable.

watching this i'm just seeing writers being like 'oh here's a chance for some SICK yet incomprehensible CGI fireballs!!' or 'here's a cliffhanger to make them watch more' not something that extends naturally from the story being told.

i feel like it would have been much more impressive to have dfcq stay after he and orchid defeated tai sui, the two of then burning away the black vapours and kissing passionately...

and there just didnt seem a clear justification why he was still destroyed despite getting his new nonhellfire-fire power and orchid using her goddess powers. it seemed like just forcing more pain to make it more intense. if they burned away tai sui together and just made out in dramatic cgi flame smoke light after they won against the ancient evil god i guarantee i won't just turn off the show for the last 10 minutes about how everything ends up!!

you dont have to shoehorn in pain to keep me watching. and it would have made the plot mirror the theme of love transforming people if they were trying to sacrifice themselves alone to save the other but instead they came together and defeated the evil god united

instead it was like grand story about the transformation of love until the last episode like, oh shit, should we shove some random cliches in here?? yeah! we totally should!!!

have you even HEARD of tolkein's theory of the defining moment of fantasy the ending where great sorrow is possible but it is transformed in a moment of joy, and that joy isn't demeaned for being "unrealistic", happy endings can feel real and true, more real than watching your lover disappear in a ball of cool CGI fire sometimes

and then the actual "happy ending" was so... disappointing. after dongfang qingcang disappears and turns into a lil moon (sweet (':) but then orchid says dfqc can't return and 500 years later the little moon hasn't changed. it goes through the montage of the others 500 years later and then little moon just pops up into a fully formed dongfang qingcang with equally little explanation

like oh ok that's fine, kiss now i guess. i give up

orchid/goddess's expression looks so sorrowful. she looks surprised but mostly just devastated ... i was waiting him to dissipate into mist at any point the way she was looking at him, it didn't seem happy at all. just.. grief.

which is the main reason i think i'm disappointed. it never feel like we got xiao lanhua back, who was the entire other half of the couple that we were cheering for. she seems so grim and hopeless, the way the goddess was pretending not to love dongfang qingcang to save the people and sacrifice herself and drains herself of all her joy, energy, and love. i would have liked to see her at the end showing some of the playfulness and sweetness of xiao lanhua. who is the person dongfang qingcang fell for in the first place. i think xiao lanhua wouldn't have said "dongfang qingcang can never return", even if it was impossible she would have been determined and hopeful and waiting for that day that it would happen anyway. even if it took tens of thousands of years

and... it just would have been a better story if they kissed away all the evil and triumped with the power of LOVE. i'm sorry, it's the truth!

[jennawynn]

Enterprise Season 3 Ep 7-12

Episode 7

It's so weird... like they want to make Archer hard and give him the illusion of being capable of Tough Decisions and Torture and Do Anything It Takes but Bakula can't do it and then they undermine the whole thing anyway by having him 'revert' back to his compassionate humanity. It just feels forced. Hard!Archer isn't believable. It also leads to a lot of lines delivered with a rough and loud cadence while others are speaking normally (or in one case, Reed is practically whispering because they're in hiding). His character and delivery end up being inconsistent as a result.

Episode 8

Meanwhile, Trip's descent into darkness is far more believable. "Put them in the airlock." That's believable. That's delivered with the kind of bitter anger that carries that dialogue... and it's more consistently applied. He doesn't waffle about what he wants to do with the Xindi. Probably because he doesn't have the authority to act on it. That could have made a better dynamic- Archer's compassion overriding Trip and even Reed's desire for revenge. Let them act as foils for each other instead of making Archer inconsistent.

This episode is... I don't like it much. The jump to the future, the way they tell the story in flashbacks. Like obviously it's not going to be permanent. I'd almost rather watch all of this happen over a season and then have whatever time fuckery happens happen. Instead we're going to get 'here's what happens if Archer's not around- oh the whole human race dies' but also we're going to keep sending Archer on dangerous away missions where he gets attacked and abducted every third episode.

Reed's goatee is ridiculous. Travis is the only crewmember who isn't still there 12 years later? lol milliCochranes. lol harder. Trip being the captain for 9 years is also kind of hilarious. I guess don't let your low cast count stop you from telling the story you want to tell.

What a weird love triangle thing like they can't decide if they want to make T'Pol be with Archer or Trip. Is it just to create ship drama?

Time fuckery... so they didn't have to kill the parasites specifically. They just needed to kill Archer. That's even dumber.

Episode 9

When one race enslaves another and then the enslaved race gains their freedom, obviously the only answer is to create a reversed power structure that is almost as bad! This is like all the strawman arguments that Black people or women don't want equality, we want superiority.

Making these humans white, though... it allows a character to say "we have long memories" when told that slavery happened a long time ago and maybe, just maybe, someone will listen instead of saying 'why don't Black people just get over it?'

Why is human western culture the dominant culture here, though? None of them would have grown up in the Old West. Shouldn't it be skagarin in design? But then where would the rootin' shootin' episode of this series come in, I guess.

lmao Reed's seen Speed. Shoot the hostage.

Episode 10

It'd be kinda funny if the only main cast to die is the only one who can actually carry the kind of anger that they need for this vengeance plotline, but I have a damn hard time believing they actually killed Trip :joy:

Gonna do some shady ethical shit because "Earth needs Enterprise, Enterprise needs Trip" when maybe you shouldn't be so reliant on seven damn people, like I've been saying. He should have a lieutenant who knows damn near everything he does who can step into his shoes in an emergency. Then you don't need to grow a clone to harvest his brain to save Trip. How NOBODY could fix the engines but Trip is ridiculous.

Episode 11

It bothered me before, but even moreso now. They have referenced the Xindi as 'terrorists' before this episode. In 2004 it makes sense for the guy in Detroit to be worried about terrorists, but not to the Enterprise crew. The goal of the Xindi (as far as they or the audience know at this point) isn't to cause terror. It's to eradicate the humans before the humans eradicate them. They are not terrorists.

Episode 12

Abortion? Spicy.

Holy shit they actually killed someone.

Archer selecting himself for death... it must be a trick. Yeah. Clever trick, but predictable with what we know about the show. Plot Armor for everyone!

And amazingly... it was all for nothing because the war had nearly wiped out both sides long before they even came in contact with Enterprise! Status quo! No real changes! One fewer rando crewman. I'm sure the sphere data that was deleted was also just one copy of many because my god if we still haven't learned to make backups of data in the 22nd century I might scream.

[hella1975]

realised i havent complained about my job in a while despite working a shit ton lately including holidays (10 hours xmas eve + 7 hours boxing day + 10 hours new year's eve 🤡) so here's some quickfire BOLLOCKS ive had to deal with:

the kp (19F) and supervisor (33F) almost got in a punch up LMAO

my manager decided to have a complete breakdown on nye and took it out on literally everyone. like he overbooked past our capacity and instead of being normal and just cancelling some people even if it meant losing money this man instead started pulling tables out of his arse and creating new seating areas (anyone who's worked in hopitality knows you Cant Just Do That least of all DURING the busiest night of the year). naturally we had a shit ton of customers complaing about being too squidged together and who got to deal with it? THE FLOOR STAFF i hate everything

same manager same night kept snapping at all of us im still furious about this okay basically i was working a 10 hour shift and at 6pm there's a shift change, so we all tend to move sections and when you've been working the same (shit) section for 6 hours this is a GODSEND. so i got moved from my least favourite section to my favourite section and there's always a bit of a scramble around the shift change bc we're all picking up where someone else left off so it's where MOST of the mistakes happen. this happens daily to every single waitress no matter how experienced. and do you know what i had the nerve to do? i forgot to give this one couple their menus. literally they had not sat for even 5 minutes and were waiting on drinks anyway and my manager STORMS over like 'why havent window 1 got menus' and i immediately was on it like 'oh shit sorry ive just taken their drinks order ill bring them now'. this utter CUNT walked off bc he cant handle actual confronation and the next thing i know one of the supervisors comes over like 'we need you running food so me and you are gonna swap'. and im here like 'okay. weird. i hate running food so this is less than ideal but i cant argue'. i find out from the other supervisor (bc waitresses are GOSSIPS i was always going to find out) that my manager apparently swanned down to them like '[redacted] cant handle her section i need one of you to take over she's in another world' HELLO???????? count ur fucking days

did u know the holiday period actually makes customers ruder. did u know that. did u know the season of joy and giving ends the moment u step into a pub. because i know that now

there should be a law that ur not allowed to flirt with someone who's working. like maybe an exception if they start it first and you just reciprocate but aside that if they're on the clock in a job where customer service demands they be nice to you then DONT FUCKING FLIRT WITH THEM my god i could kill you. one man literally tried to set me up with his son when i was trying to just take a drinks order and that was one of the TAME examples

the bar staff kept clocking off before me and purposely sitting on tables closest to my screen to drink just so they could brag. psychological warfare im telling you

[megaawkwardhuman]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. learn to know your mutuals and followers.♡

sorry for not responding to this sooner

wrote more then I expected so just gonna put this here

1: my dog!

he might be annoying at times but at the end of the day I fucking love him and if anything bad happens to him I'm going to kill a bitch. though it would be nice if he didn't jump on me all the time since he's fucking big (he's still a puppy tho so I cut him a lot of slack) (also he's a german shepherd if you're curious)

2: art

whether it's viewing it or creating it art has always made me happy. I've been drawing since middle school and while I do have creative dry spells I haven't really stopped creating and picking up random mediums (just pencil, just pens, pixel art, sewing, kandi making, painting the list goes on and will continue to go on)

3: music

I would go insane if music didn't exist. It's always been a big part of my life whether it's my dad blasting music while cleaning the house or me listening to music while walking down to a corner store to get an arizona. Music also helps give me ideas! like I have a few fic ideas written down that were inspired by songs.

4: watching and talking about media I like

I'll take this moment to apologize to my irl friends who have witnessed me info dump over discord vcs at like 1 am without planning what I'm saying so it's all one big cluster fuck of words. I fucking love to ramble on and on about shit that I like ESPECIALLY THE MEDIA I CONSUME!!!! I've always been a nerd for details, theories, and over all over analyzing. not always but most of the time if given the chance to talk about something I like I become like one of those door to door missionaries. Only instead of talking about my god I go on about how gay something is. Also watching shit that I like! after I'm done typing all of this I'm gonna rewatch some wwdits while working on bunny art (I swear one of these days I will explain the bunnies. It's a whole thing with a looooong story behind it. I wanna share it but I think it deserves a separate post so I won't talk about it here.)

5: tumblr

is this one a bit of a cop out? probably. is it true? 100%. it fucking baffles me that my ideas and art can bring joy to others. hell I still can't believe I've INSPIRED OTHERS but somehow I have. All of y'all in the wwdits fandom have really helped me get through art block that was going on for months I think? I can't put into words how thankful I am for this site. All of the amazing artists, all of the meta posts, just EVERYTHING AH YOU GUYS HAVE NOOO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE Y'ALL. it kinda feels weird since at the end of the day I don't really know y'all and y'all don't really know me but still from the bottom of my little queer heart thank you all soooo much for the follows, likes, replies, and reblogs.

[lsdunesarchive]

L.s. Dunes: Pandemic "Life Preserver" And Rock's Best New Supergroup

How members of My Chem, Circa Survive, Thursday and Coheed channeled existential dread into explosive emo

Words by Mia Hughes Photo by Nicole Mago

December 13, 2022

Circa Survive and Saosin singer Anthony Green may have made his name fronting two of the most important post-hardcore bands of the Aughts, but it wasn't until the 40-year-old musician formed the new supergroup L.S. Dunes with his pals in My Chemical Romance, Coheed and Cambria and Thursday that he created something that would impress his 10-year-old self.

"I spent a lot of time as a kid listening to music and imagining myself in the band," he tells Revolver today. "I can remember being in the backseat of my mom's car and listening to Core by Stone Temple Pilots and fantasizing that I was the drummer or the guitar player. If I went back in time and played my younger self the L.S. Dunes album my heart would have just exploded with joy. My younger self would be so proud of me."

Indeed, the project's debut album, Past Lives, is the sound of five music lifers rediscovering the joy of rocking out at a time when that pursuit had been cruelly halted. Formed remotely in 2020 after the pandemic stamped out everyone's touring plans, vocalist Green is joined by My Chem's Frank Iero (guitar), Coheed's Travis Stever (guitar) and Thursday's Tim Payne and Tucker Rule (bass and drums, respectively). Across the album, they veer from mathy experimentalism and urgent hardcore heaviness to unabashed rock-star riffing. "It reminds me of everything I love about rock & roll," says Green, "from At the Drive-In to PJ Harvey to Nirvana and the Breeders and Queens of the Stone Age."

The band members' paths have intertwined for more than two decades, when they all began to dominate the East Coast post-hardcore scene around the turn of the millennium. They've toured together, shared rehearsal spaces and attended each other's kids' birthday parties. Thanks to all of this shared history, L.S. Dunes felt natural and easy from the outset. "We skipped all of the weirdness behind figuring out how everything's gonna work," Green explains, "and everybody just jumped in headfirst."

"To start a band with people that you wanna hang out with regardless is an awesome thing," adds Iero, calling in from the Oakland stop of MCR's massive reunion tour. "Those types of bands are normally ones that you start when you're young, like in high school, and that's what this felt like." Green sums up the feeling with an apt analogy: "It's like when you go on a first date with somebody, and you just expect it to be like, OK, we'll see how this goes … and then you're like, Holy shit, I'm fucking in love. I'm ready to propose!"

L.S. Dunes was also a much-needed source of support and catharsis for the musicians as they all dealt with the myriad uncertainties of the pandemic. "Circa Survive was due to go on tour in three weeks when the [lockdowns started]," Green says. "I was devastated. I have four children, and I didn't know how I was gonna provide for my family. I tried to keep my cool as much as I could, but I really had a breakdown. I couldn't fathom having any hope."

"There was definitely a sense of depression and desperation," confirms Iero, who had been days away from the My Chem tour kickoff in Australia when everything was canceled. "This project was very much like someone throwing [us] a life preserver — [we] clung to it." With no expectations beyond the vital need to make something, the band were able to indulge in pure creativity and freely channel their turbulent emotions into the music. "It was like hitting rock bottom," explains Iero, "and when you hit the bottom, it opens the door to freedom."

Green recalls the recording of the ripping lead single "Permanent Rebellion" as a key turning point. The singer had initially planned to write a melody for the chorus, but instead he just let loose an intense barrage of screams. It worked perfectly, and the rest of the band was onboard. "Everybody [was] just championing each other's ideas, and that just makes you wanna go even harder," he says of the creation of Past Lives, which was recorded with producer Will Yip (Turnstile, Code Orange).

"I know that I desperately needed a project that was heavier and more aggressive, just because I was feeling all these emotions. It's nice to have a place where I can yell and scream and go wild." Meanwhile, Iero was similarly branching out, incorporating mathy guitar techniques like tapping that he had never used in previous bands. "Something really, really special about this band was that risks we were taking that normally wouldn't end up on a record ended up on this record," he says.

Lyrically, Green explored the panic, mistrust and denial he saw bubbling all across the country as the pandemic became a divisive political issue. "We needed illumination — we needed light being shone on all this fear and hatred around us," he says. Meanwhile, Green describes the record's most personal song, the blistering opener "2022," as "the most fucked-up song I ever wrote." Penned in 2021, it presents Green's grim vision of the future ("If I can't make it 'till 2022/Least we'll see how much I can take") and also refers directly to when he survived an overdose: "I sometimes wish she hadn't found me on the night/I tried to disappear."

"That's a heavy statement, but it's true — and sometimes the truth weighs a ton," says Green. "I feel bad for my family who has to hear that song. Before the song came out, I sat with my kids and I told them, 'Hey, listen, this song is coming out, and I want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything, and that we can get through anything together.' It's really important for me to make sure that they realize that I love them, and that they're worth it."

Now that Green has reached the year he once feared he wouldn't, "2022" has become a triumphant anthem for the singer. "I'm in such a different place than I was when I wrote that song," he reveals. "So to sing it now feels very victorious." L.S. Dunes realized that celebration at this year's Riot Fest. It was their first show — and only the sixth time they had ever played together in-person as a band, including rehearsals.

"I was so nervous beforehand," says Green of the show, the attendance of which rivaled the singer's set with Circa Survive the previous year. "[But] when I got up there, it felt like our hundredth show. It felt like we had been a band for 10 years. When we played 'Permanent Rebellion,' everybody went nuts, and people were screaming along to the chorus. It's more than you can hope for. I feel so lucky."

"It was, hands down, the best first show I've ever played with any band," adds Iero. "It felt magical."

And as far as L.S. Dunes are concerned, this is just the beginning. Now that the world has opened back up, Green, Iero, Stever, Payne and Rule are all busy as ever with their respective projects, but there are no plans to leave L.S. Dunes behind. "We haven't even begun to experience and experiment with what we have," says Green. "Once we get together in a room to actually write songs or to jam — which we've never done as a band — that shit is going to explode."