#and it can be hard to communicate your feelings but there HAS to be something better than this constant aggression and attack

[aphrodicci]

ᴛʜᴇ 3° ɪɴ ᴀꜱᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏ - ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ'ꜱ ᴅᴇꜱɪʀᴇ

involves my own research along with the help of janduz.

follow for more content <3

please do not copy any of my content.

divider by the amazing @uzmacchiato <3

has some adult themes!

THE DEGREE IN THE SIGNS.

THE DEGREE IN THE PLANETS.

THE DEGREE IN THE HOUSES.

♱ the 3° is an important number to both astrology and numerology as it is about an individual being expressive, being true to themselves and their creativity. the heart what it wants correlates to this degree as it speaks of community, being inspired and the visual you have for the future. this degree in astrology helps a native be open-minded about what their future carries and how they can achieve it. with the energy being assertive and optimistic about what they want to do, they inspire other people. in short, this degree is like if a golden retriever became a degree.

what does it mean when the 3° occurs a lot in a chart?

whenever this degree appears a lot in a chart, it shows that the person needs to be someone who believes in themselves. it can manifest into someone being their personal blockage as they lack belief in themselves. on the other hand, this could mean that said person is either aware or unaware of the influence/inspiration they put into other people. their golden energy touches other people's hearts and has them moved.

THE 3° IN THE SIGNS

🕊 3° in aries - they're very self-expressive with their anger. easily annoyed, but one thing about them is that they're independent. if they feel like someone is attempting to tie them down and hold them back they get defensive, as they should. this degree in aries shows that they're someone who likes to be the center of attention, they're hyperactive and could be considered as someone who has youngest/only child syndrome. they inspire other people a lot, but it could get competitive, one-sided.

🕊 3° in taurus - these people are self-expressive through art and feeling beautiful about themselves. they're in touch with spirituality and have knowledge about practices other people do not have which makes them an unintentional leader to other people. howbeit, these people can also be seen as bratty and very opinionated. if insecure, it could be hard for other people to uplift them as they can unintentionally embody the "woe is me" behaviour.

🕊 3° in gemini - this degree is at home in gemini. very chatty, very bright and very creative. they have visuals of projects and outcomes other people cannot come up with and this can create copy-cats. people who want to steal from their ideas and potential. due to how intelligent they're considered by other people. people tend to agree with everything they say or do because "they know best". this is the type of degree where someone can get annoying though, but they tend to get away with it.

🕊 3° in cancer - i immediately got spoilt with this degree. people who have this degree in cancer can easily make people fold for them, whether it be platonically, romantically or even in family. they're adorable to other people so others want to give them whatever they need whenever they want it. to have this degree in cancer shows that your dreams were likely supported the most compared to other people in the family. and hence this still being a mercurial degree [and venusian since 3 is the empress] it brings envy from other family members who yearn for that type of appreciation.

🕊 3° in leo - very generous people. the type to want other people to make it and not themselves. they're a people's person, a charmer and have been loud since a child. the get away with being noisy, as if they're the heart of the family so people feel bad for them when something does not go their way. this degree in leo shows that their talents were recognised at an early age and people in the family might've pushed them into fame's arm, well there could've been an attempt. however, as this is a degree about believing in yourself, these people are innovative for what they want in life and other people are inspired by their story.

🕊 3° in virgo - they have a vision other people catch up with as time passes. they have a gift of seeing the potential of things other people cannot catch on and when they excellently nurture the idea, it causes other people want to start seeing inspiration and possibility in everything. this degree in virgo makes said person more expressive and creative in themselves, and they have huge tolerance and patience for other people.

🕊 3° in libra - great beauty. their style is something that inspires other people to do more. when they're in relationships they show the potential of what it means to be in a positive relationship, however this can happen to the people who have this degree. being in relationships that aid them to tap into their most expressive self. those who already have might be considered as very needy and whiny but they still get the princess treatment because others want to please them and remain on their good side.

🕊 3° in scorpio - polarising people. have dreams of future ideas. can easily receive money from other people and are heavily desired by those around them. people could dream about them and yearn for their attention as they could be picky about who they should give it to. this degree placement in scorpio shows that they inspire other people to explore their sexuality or the darker things in life that was kept away from them. the type to have a clique, don't like it when others are too much in their energy.

🕊 3° in sagittarius - like a golden retriever. as i have implied in the beginning of this post. people with this degree can rewire how other people think because they have an essence of wisdom that is yet to be undefeated. great story-writers, but like the degree being in cancer. these people can be spoiled as they likely believe they deserve to have everything now, or hate it when they're overlooked. they're funny and used to being the clown, their humour can touch other people's heart and heal.

🕊 3° in capricorn - it takes people with this degree in capricorn a moment to master their self-expression. perhaps they were the relative who found it hard to be themselves because other people shone more than them, or it could be expectations that were already placed on them. so they don't know to follow their heart or their mind. this degree placement speaks of being a model of believing in yourself. tough walls to climb but the desire to be successful and wealthy dominates.

🕊 3° in aquarius - people who have this degree are easily liked in the atmosphere they're in. however, they could feel like they're always pushed to be someone who is the perfect friend, or other people could desire to be in their social circle. they have creative ideas, authentic and original which makes people look up to them. is an indicator of having a big god-complex because other people tend to stroke their ego. on the other hand, these people could try too much to be considered as different.

🕊 3° in pisces - very creative placement. other people live through them/project onto them because they embody the openly self-expressive person they wished they could be. could have conflict with older relatives because of how different each other think, howbeit, these people can also be delusional OR are really good at manifesting as they pour their entire heart into what they want. they're people who want to see the world as a glass half full than empty because to them everything is possible.

THE 3° IN PLANETS

❦ 3° in sun - this degree in this planet shows that you're someone who desires much stuff, you can be someone who desires attention, to understand what you are supposed to do in this life time and also the desire to feel understood. which causes you to be that person for other people. another person's safe space, another person's ear. on the other hand, people with this degree are very optimistic, sociable and perceptive, they live for humour.

❦ 3° in moon - beauty. the type of beauty that can adapt to anything, very strong resemblance in the family, and these people could have a desire to have a family of their own, it doesn't even need to be with children, it can be a parent to a pet[s], or to have found family. people with this degree seek for someone who can click with them, they wear their heart on their sleeves and always want to speak or have that one person they can speak with all the time. can become clingy.

❦ 3° in mercury - mercury having this degree means it feels a bit of relief hence the 3rd degree being a mercurial number. these people are very witty and creative, they could speak quite quickly as well. people with this degree placement tend to get away with stuff or are just very sneaky in general. you never know what this person is about to say, but it makes other people laugh. very jittery people can be considered as annoying to others, like to other relatives.

❦ 3° in venus - people usually trust their vision. they're great at planning, especially when it comes to something creative. though people with this degree could have a desire to be in a relationship, so they're usually crushing on other people or flirting with them. can become submissive in a relationship but it can also be deemed as wanting to be taken care of all the time, yearning to have their lover's attention.

❦ 3° in mars - easily tempered. some people take their anger seriously or not. could have a male relative that loves to speak and make themselves look good. this placement insinuates that they like to debate, like to win arguments and finds humour in annoying other people. on the other hand, they can be great motivational speakers.

❦ 3° in jupiter - oh long hold the chatterbox. the clown, the one that finds it fun to annoy you. these are people who don't care about getting into trouble, they find stuff to be not "too deep" to stress over it. they're someone who desires for everything to be less stressful, who wouldnt. they're people who inspire others to change how they interact with the world, they're likely manifestors, people who believe that if they radiate good energy, good energy will come back to them.

❦ 3° in saturn - this degree in saturn is a degree alignment i respect because they're people who knew everything when they were young. and they know [or need to learn] that they have to let go of things that emotionally hold them down and away from their heart. they might've had issues with knowing how to speak for themselves during their youth but they feel and think many things. that's why when giving advice they can go on for a long time. [and sometimes come across as a know it all].

❦ 3° in uranus - they're the type of people to talk about everything and anything. tend to be popular in their friendship group and can be very intuitive/psychic. people with this degree might find humour in the strangest things, their humour is niche but also genius so when they understand their comedic flow, you find everything they say to be hilarious. are likely good at handling large crowds and they're people who root for the underdog.

❦ 3° in neptune - see the potential in everything, even in people. so they find themselves in scenarios that cause them heart-break. they see the highest possibiity for people but tend to forget that not everyone is willing to reach their highest potential. they feel a lot and they see a lot so they might sometimes look drained. their dreams speak to them, either straight-forward or cryptic. people could also think they always look confused.

❦ 3° in pluto - to have this degree in pluto shows that you're someone who can twist the beliefs of other people. manipulative, psychic, all-knowing and cryptic. could sometimes put other people off with how their energy is just there, or their energy easily charms other people, and those unaffected by it might stand confused or wonder what spell you have on people. cult leader energy, or someone who can be very cliquey. when entering people's lives they definitely change something in specific.

❦ 3° in north node - born to be speakers but can unintentionally say mean things. they're someone who can speak and other people listen immediately, if it's nothing that involves vocal communication, this degree in the north node shows they tend to attract stalkers. on the other hand, this allignment shows that people who have this placement are bound to overcome their shyness of speaking and standing up for themselves. they might have a hard time expressing their true thoughts and feelings and this could make people feel sorry for them.

❦ 3° in black moon lilith - people could have the need to protect them. could've been showed the darker side of life early, so they might be paranoid people. go through much tower moments. people with this placement could have much intrusive thoughts, show different sides to themselves, mainly they show the side to them that is confident, all back talk and fierce, but inside they need someone to hug. this degree in bml shows that people could be intimdated by them being assertive, could've had people attempt to humble them because of it.

THE 3° IN THE HOUSES

♱ 3° in the first house - a person who have this tend to be attractive, this degree is the heart's desire. this shows that said person are either people who like to go forward first during romantic encounters or they are the ones who other people go up to first. besides from that, they're people who like to interact with the world differently and creatively, if they think the way something is interacted with in a boring way they would want to make sure that their encounter with said life experience is fun. they like to find joy in everything. could be very expressive with speaking or have a very telling face.

♱ 3° in the second house - to have this degree in the second house shows that someone finds communication valuable, they hate it when they feel like they're left in the dark. this can sometimes make someone entitled to other people's business or entitled to everything. person should be careful of spending money on everything they feel enthusiastic towards. this degree here also unpacks the idea of someone usually being inspired to make more money for themselves. [person can be really spoiled too].

♱ 3° in the third house - this degree in the third house speaks of the potential of someone being able to influence or manipulate others really well. can be quick-speakers and find humour through everything, other people might get annoyed by that but they also find joy in annoying other people. this degree in this home speaks of the idea of someone being open to many things and this can sometimes put them in circumstances where other people think of them to be naive, they're people who see the potential in everybody, so they like to give people a chance.

♱ 3° in the fourth house - to have this degree in your fourth house shows that you are someone who could be considered a very young soul in your family, the one who chases their dreams or is expressive about the deepest versions of you. you are likely someone who wanted to move out since an early age and you're very independent, that could be a side of you other people could be surprised about due to your youthful energy, they likely expect you to be someone who doesnt know how to hold their own. could've been a black-sheep in their family as well.

♱ 3° in the fifth house - similar to what i mentioned in the fourth house, someone who has this degree could've been a black sheep since they were young. on the brighter side, very bright and creative individuals, they always have a plan, always are up to something and are continously creating ideas that inspire other people to get on their feet and bring their own visions to life. native likely was a chatty kid or a kid in their own mind. other people had a soft spot for them as there is a chance they got away with everything.

♱ 3° in the sixth house - person could have a hard time being open minded or adaptable or it could be one of their greatest strengths. could have a hard time battling and winning over habits that stall them. the type to have much ideas but need to figure out how they can execute them into reality. this degree in this sixth house shows the potential of someone helping other people relax, they sometimes might become devoted into making other people happy instead of themselves.

♱ 3° in the seventh house - in love with the idea of relationships, with the idea of future spouse or being connected with someone. like having the degree in the sixth house, the person with this degree in the seventh house could have a tendency of people-pleasing. they desire to be liked by other people, they desire to be seen by others, their efforts, how they look and their social circle. person can be very hopeful in love, it reminds me of charlotte from sex and the city. on the other hand, if developed, person doesnt like to lose themselves in love. if they can feel like someone isn't good for them their heart will know its time for them to leave.

♱ 3° in the eighth house - desire to feel safe, to have money. could be very nosy, other people might find it easy to open up to them. they crave intimacy. same could be said if it was in the 2h, 5h and 12h. this degree in the eighth house speaks of the idea of someone being open to many in depth things when it comes to sex, stimulation is their top priority and they want to go through it with their partner. could be very creative during sex, or very creative when it comes to making money, could be open to taboo ways of making money.

♱ 3° in the ninth house - this degree in the ninth house implies that someone could be very open minded to different perspectives and beliefs. they don't like to put themselves in a box when it comes to how they present themselves or how they're looked at. person finds joy in many things even small things in life, everything is a win for them. even though they're someone who likes to hear the ideas of other people they stay true to what their mind thinks and believes in. on the other hand, people could tend to admire these people because of their happy go lucky personality.

♱ 3° in the tenth house - to have this degree in the tenth house shows that this person is an inspiration to other people, some other people could live through them. desire to have the same occupation and work experience as these people. they tend to be favoured in their workspace or are the person other people go to for advice. even if they do not want it they find themselves having responsibility over people. other people might want to control this person's vision for the future but they know what they want to do and they stand on business about it.

♱ 3° in the eleventh house - they are likely the person other people want to befriend [others could be too shy about it]. this house rules over the future due to its connection with uranus and they could have dreams about it, manifest for a future where their vision is more respected or heard, on the other hand this unpacks the idea of someone having this degree in their eleventh house being someone who brings people together and influences other people to be more determined and assertive about their future. they are likely an important very valuable member in their social group, could have the youngest energy or is the friend [or attracts friends] who other people feel soft about, and being people who brings humour to where they go.

♱ 3° in the twelfth house - on one hand person might be passive about what they want to achieve in their life, could be the type to see how well other people are doing and feel insecure about their own progress, on the other hand it could mean that this person is very emotional. they feel things very deeply OR other people might have the habit of tending to everything they want. when it comes to creativity they can be someone who gets ideas through dreams or downloads, it comes to them like an eureka moment. developed people with this degree in their twelfth house are people who see the greatest potential for themselves and do anything to achieve it. as they should.

❦ thank you for reading! ❦

[theskywithin]

Toxic Zodiac Traits: Everyone Else Is Just as Emotionally Unstable, Don’t Worry

( read for Sun and Rising )

Aries

Absolutely incapable of waiting for anything. Will cut you off mid-sentence and mid-relationship. Thinks every inconvenience is a personal attack from the universe. Starts a new project every 3 days and finishes approximately none. If Aries texts “I’m outside,” you have 3.5 seconds before they leave forever. Will argue with a traffic light and still think they won.

Taurus

Would rather eat drywall than change their mind. If they’ve blocked you once, they’ve blocked you in their heart forever. Will act like they don’t care while remembering exactly what you said on May 14th at 4:23 PM. Refuses to compromise unless it involves brunch. Emotionally attached to objects, TV shows, and the one person who gives them nothing.

Gemini

Will tell you every detail of a breakup they had six years ago and forget your birthday. Overthinks nothing, underthinks everything. Can hold five contradictory opinions before breakfast. Ghosts you and then messages you “I had a dream about you” two weeks later. Says “we should talk more” with no intention of ever replying. Flirts for sport.

Cancer

Pretends to be chill but is actually holding a ten-volume emotional encyclopedia on everyone they’ve ever met. Has cried over a memory that wasn’t theirs. Will bring up something you said in 2018 just to watch you squirm. Makes you a playlist, a home-cooked meal, and a passive-aggressive guilt trip all in one sitting. Thinks emotional manipulation is just good communication.

Leo

Can’t walk past a mirror without giving themselves a TED Talk. Will give you a whole therapy session about their unhealed inner child and then forget your name. Thinks “subtle” means wearing sunglasses indoors. Posts thirst traps during existential crises. Believes every compliment is true and every critique is character assassination.

Virgo

Thinks emotions are a puzzle to be solved and you're a cluttered spreadsheet. Hypercritical, hypo-compassionate, and fully convinced their control issues are just "high standards." Say "I’m fine" while internally dying over your misuse of apostrophes. Gives unsolicited feedback with the energy of a disappointed parent. Probably gave their therapist a 3-star Yelp review with grammatical corrections.

Libra

Would rather fake their own death than make a decision. Flirts with the bartender while processing a breakup from 2016. Says “no drama” while actively starring in a love triangle they directed. Needs a mood board to text you back. Believes aesthetics are more important than stability. Could be in love with you. Could also be in love with your sweater.

Scorpio

Has never forgiven anyone, not even their kindergarten teacher. Will emotionally soul-scan you within five minutes of meeting, then vanish for three days to see if you panic. Knows your birth chart, your trauma, and your passwords. Shares nothing but expects full access to your emotional hard drive. Trusts no one but expects loyalty like a blood oath. Falls in love once every five years and never recovers.

Sagittarius

Will disappear mid-conversation to follow a butterfly and call it personal growth. Thinks commitment is a threat to their “freedom journey.” Forgets your birthday but remembers an ancient Mayan prophecy. Thinks monogamy is a government conspiracy. Avoids feelings by going on a spontaneous road trip and posting cryptic captions.

Capricorn

Has three side hustles, a 5-year plan, and no idea how to relax. Thinks rest is a character flaw. Controls their emotions by pretending they don’t have any. Plans your vacation like it’s a military operation. Feels personally insulted by inefficiency. Will judge you for crying at work, including themselves. Emotionally constipated, but will Venmo you for half the toothpaste.

Aquarius

A conspiracy theory in human form. Thinks emotions are “low-vibration.” Invents new relationship dynamics for fun. Disassociates mid-hug. Could write a 42-slide presentation on your attachment style but can’t tell you what they’re feeling. Emotionally invested in your trauma but only if it’s framed as a social experiment. Will text you “thinking thoughts” at 2am and never elaborate. Will befriend your ex for the plot.

Pisces

Says “I don’t care” while sobbing into a vintage sweater. Cries during commercials. Will fall in love with someone they made eye contact with for three seconds at a coffee shop. Romantically unavailable but emotionally entangled with everyone. Forgets to eat but remembers every detail of a dream they had two weeks ago. Constantly oscillating between “I love everyone” and “no one gets me.” Still not over what you almost said in 2019.

[revelboo]

Hello Revel! How have your days been lately?

What do you think bots would think if they witnessed human infidelity?(like in some novel, movie or even human gossip 👀)

Still great Revel We love you! 🩷

Thank you all for reading my nonsense, y’all are awesome! Ngl, first thing I thought of was Everything Is Alright’s Starscream. That mech is so darn tired and having to watch his tiny mate like a hawk because their thirsty self collects husbands. Most of the poly groups, there was some form of agreement to share and then Star’s over here just stressed out and currently trying to beat back Shockwave with a stick thinking he’s interested. But once Star’s less salty about it, he’s going to play that card to win every argument.

Seekers

Starscream x Reader

• “At least I didn’t frag your mortal enemy. And Soundwave,” he growls, wings flared out and trembling and your eyes narrow. Because he’s never letting that go. Megatron wasn’t even really your fault, but Soundwave? You glance at where the communication officer’s sitting with your tiny daughter curled sleeping in the crook of his arm and he looks up at the sound of his name. Yeah, you absolutely chose him and you don’t regret it. Even if you still feel guilty.

• Watching your lips press into a thin line, before you slowly nod, for a klik he thought you were about to get angry and yell at him. “Touché,” you mutter and he’s not sure what that means, the word not translating right. “Fine. Humans have more than one name. Give her a Cybertronian middle name if it makes you happy, but I swear if you pick something like Skullcrusher or Starscreamette, I’ll smack you. Repeatedly.”

• “I know a Skullcrusher,” he mutters. “He’s a jerk.” Turning to watch the little one snuggle her face closer against Soundwave with a little noise, trusting the other mech with the innocence of a sparkling. Not knowing how cruel and hard the world can be and he wants it to stay that way. He drags you into his lap and rests his chin on your head. And you slowly relax into him, not as annoyed as you sound then. “I was thinking of Skyfall for her Cybertronian name?” Something that’s a bit of him, a bit of his trine. And that guilt twists through him, because he needs to reach out to Thundercracker and Skywarp. Apologize even if it’s going to kill him, but he wants them to know his daughter, to be a part of her life. And he misses them.

• “Sky,” you mumble, watching your daughter’s little wing nubs flick. Looking for anything human in her features. Sometimes you think you see the shape of your eyes in her optics, that little mouth is yours, right? The rest of her alien. More Star than you. You’d thought that would bother you, and it does, but not in the way you’d imagined. It’s an odd, lonely feeling, like you’re on the outside looking in when you see one of them with her. Megatron has her longer than you did, is she really still yours, then?

• “I want to nudge Nova Storm or one of his brothers into taking a human mate. She needs other Seekers,” he murmurs and you nod. Before slowly leaning back and frowning up at him to make his wings droop. And Soundwave makes a low hum of noise, paying attention to the conversation now. Because they both know that look on your face.

• “Why them, not your brothers?” You ask, and his wings flick. Oh, no. Nope. Absolutely not. “You are not pulling some arranged marriage crap with our newborn baby.” Because you don’t care if your kid falls in love with another Seeker or not as long as she’s happy. “She can have seeker playmates, they can learn to fly together. I’d love that,” you growl, chest hurting imagining your kid trying to fly. Will she just know or have to be taught? “But you’re not going to push someone at her. She’s going to decide.” And his jaw clenches letting you know that’s exactly what he was thinking. And it’s not happening.

There’s still time to vote on the kid’s human name!

Thanks to @drabbletron for suggesting the kid’s Cybertronian name. I figure most of the hybrid kids will have two names and will lean toward one or the other as they get older. And they know they’re in trouble when both names get used by a parent

[creepykuroneko]

All of this^

I hate talking with my fellow ND adults who very clearly cannot maintain basic self care tasks (I.e. drinking literally any fluid, eating once a day, and remembering to go to work) talk about how they will never go on medication for their ADHD because their mom put them on Ritalin when they were 7 years old and it fucked them up 😑

#1 that was literally 30 years ago. Education, medication, and various treatment plans / coping methods have come a long way now.

#2 a 7-year-old has no concept of being over medicated, what are normal side effects, ask for a lower dosage, nor do they know how to communicate with their doctor.

#3 you are literally homeless because you "forgot" to pay your rent again for the fifth month in a row. Clearly you need help. More than a shoulder to cry on.

I've gotten to the point of my life where I literally don't trust anyone who throws out the words "big pharma".

Yes, pharmaceutical companies are evil. Yes insurance companies are evil. Yes Purdue did cover up their own research findings that prove that they knew about opioid addiction before they released their drugs to the masses. Let's hold them accountable for those crimes. At the end they though, I am still Pro medication and pro vaccine all the way. Regardless of if we are talking about insulin, methadone, IPV, birth control, antiretroviral therapy, Atomoxetine, and. NSAIDs. You know tylenol, aspirin, and ibuprofen? Those are literally medications! Invented by Pharmaceutical companies.

One of my friends is 29 years old, lives with her mom, all she does is go to work, watch anime, and complain about how her parents ruined her life when they got divorced when she was 14 years old 😒 she claims that if her mom hadn't moved her out of state she would have been on Fast Track to graduate high school early, get into college and she had her major picked out and everything. I asked her why doesn't go to college now? She complains that she doesn't have money. Except her grandparents have money and have offered to pay for her entire tuition just like they did for her sisters. She does have adhd. She swears that her ADHD doesn't affect her, yet she and her mom are constantly arguing because she goes to the hospital every summer due to passing out from dehydration. She will literally go over 24 hours without drinking any liquids. Because she keeps "forgetting".

Another one of my friends is constantly homeless. He can go a few months being a couch surfer but eventually he wears out his welcome with his friends. He has untreated adhd. He is 31, didn't finish High School, has a cocaine addiction, and can't hold down a job because (due to his immaturity and quick temper) he's always getting into physical fights with his coworkers.

My friend's girlfriend has a cat but honestly she has no right being a pet owner. She has not scooped the litter box in over a year. There is literal shit and piss all over the house she rents. She'll go weeks without showering, has a hard time maintaining roommates because they get mad at her for the mess, and she believes all you need is alcohol and weed to fix all your mental health problems. I honestly don't feel like I should even have to explain why that's a bad philosophy.

Asking for help can be scary, going to the doctor can be scary, trying new medication can definitely be intimidating, but everyone deserves better. No one should be living in their own filth or suffering because they can't remember to take the garbage out.

I know the ND community on Tumblr is extremely toxic and enabling. Anyone who tries to talk you out of getting help or discourages you when you bring up wanting to get better is not your friend. People who say that medication is bullshit are ableist and do not have your best interests in mind.

Please seek help with a proper credited source. You deserve to be happy. Being homeless and dying of exposure in an underpass covered with hundreds of flea, tic, and mosquito bites it's not something you should aspire towards. "Dirty inept husks" do not start out that way from birth.

90s movies: Psychopharmacology is as good as a lobotomy. If you take pills to treat your mental illness it will literally murder your imaginary friends and you will become a boring, lotus-eating conformist drone.

Me after taking my meds: drives the scenic route home to see if there are any geese on the pond and does a little dance in line at the grocery store and comes home to throw everything​ in my fridge into a stew pot because I can finally taste food again while singing songs at my birds in which I replace all the instances of "she" with "Cheese" and doing a Dolly Parton impression on the phone to my sister

[strkly]

something sweet

s.m: after the events of honey; bob spents a lot of time rethinking the past between you and him. he gets jealous. maybe the old feelings still laid below the surface.

robert ‘bob’ reynolds x sam wilson’s avengers!reader

w.c: 5.4k

c.w: not proofread, this also took me forever to write so this might have some inconsistencies between honey but dont think abt it too much. angst, hurt/comfort unhealthy relationship dynamics, mentions of drug usage, exes (with still something there), bob pov, over protective reader, bob and you are really bad at communicating, minor sambucky mention? can be taken as platonic tho, bff joaquin, im too tired to proofread this so really ignore all spelling errors ill go back and fix it soon. asumming its 2027 and bob is 30.

sorry this took me forever ! promise the last part wont take me as long as this one did (hopefully)

honey -> homesick

you dont end up going out to eat together much to your dismay and bob’s disappointment. sam must have gotten word you were off mission and was bothering you to report back to him. it got to the point you could no longer ignore and decided it would be better to head back.

you try to ignore the pout on bobs face as you grip his forearm. “dont worry, ill come back and we’ll get to hang out then okay?” he looks down at his feet before nodding; ignoring the minor ache in his chest at the idea of watching you walk away.

“just give me your phone number and ill call you.” he tilts his head as he looks back up at you, “my,,, phone number?” your face twists into annoyance as it dawns on you val hadn’t given him a phone. theres so many things you want to say, but instead you murmur to yourself, “that fucking bitch.” before you turn away pulling out your phone as you wave your hand behind you, “dont worry about it, ill see you guys!”

as you enter the elevator everyone sends you off with a small wave, right before you raise your phone to your ear you point your finger at them, “dont listen to anything val says seriously do not listen.” the doors close before anyone gets to say anything in return.

the group is dead silent simply staring at the elevator door. “what the hell was that?” no one says anything for a few moments before they all shrug and go all spread out to do god knows what in the tower. bob stays awkwardly staring at the elevator door like it was about to open back up and you would walk back in.

he has always tried so hard not to think about the past but now he finds himself still reminiscing in the memories he finds in his mind. “you know she was talking to you right?” bob is shaken out of his trance by the hand placed on his shoulder, turning quickly to see yelena smiling at him. “h-huh?” she just shakes her head and pats his shoulder, “dont worry we’ll protect you.” “from who?”

she says nothing else and hes far too tired to argue simply walking back up to his room and falling asleep, it was mid afternoon but he ends up sleeping into the next day. yelena realizes the the mental exhaustion must have hit him hard and assures the team he’ll be fine and she’ll talk to him once hes up.

he finally comes back down at lunch time. he weakly smiles at his teammates who look at him with concern as he debates on what to eat.

the three sitting on the couch huddle together as the look at him, “should we ask him about you know who?” “yelena told us not to.” “who’s yelena our mother? lets ask.” bucky walks past the group of them and rolls his eyes, “you know he can hear you right?”

the three of them turn back to bob who had a deathly grip on the open fridge door as he stared at it like it held all the answers. he had dreamed about you. he couldn’t tell if it was a dream or a memory of something that actually happened.

saratosa spring’s 2015

you had your hand tightly wrapped around his, walking in front of him as you dragged him along with you. a big smile on your face as you hummed along to some tune in your head. he was quiet, he always was after coming down from a high but you know he’ll perk up as soon as you get to the lake. you had just finished finals and it was way too damn hot to stay in your apartment with the shitty ac you decide to take a trip with him to the lake an hour out from you.

he actually liked long car rides, staring out the window at the passing landscapes, the wind blowing through his grown out hair while listening to the static radio you had in your beat down car brought him a sense of peace. he hadn’t expected to go on one today, he must have forgotten about it since it seemed like you mentioned it before or maybe you had told him during the haze and he didn’t realize you were even speaking to him. its not like he ever had anything to do so when you came home with some groceries and pulled out the cooler he got ready to go.

the lake is gorgeous. its hidden behind the trees but before you can see it you can hear the wild rushing of water flowing from the waterfall. when it finally comes into view it feels like youve been transported to another planet. he hears you squeal as you rush to set up your stuff, “its been so long since ive been here, its still so pretty.” he hums back at you as he sets up the towels not able to form a response, still not 100% back to himself but he chugs down two ice cold water bottles to shock himself back to reality.

he lifts off his shirt as you strip down to your swimsuit, turning to him the smile you had your face had him staring at you in wonder, you were the most wonderful thing in the world. not even the highs he reached could be a great as you. you hold out your hand to him and he finds himself moving to grab yours before he even knows what hes doing. “lets jump!”

after your conversation he did a lot of thinking when he woke up. it never really occurred to him your dynamic had so much of an effect on you. you did basically everything for him, hell you even taught him how to swim, it never occurred to him you had just gotten him way too comfortable. never pushing him to do more simply content with the routine and life you guys had. he had never really thought about it like that. maybe you were right. but he didn’t want you to be right, he was the problem wasnt he?

yelena had come to his room early in the morning, he was up trying to take his mind off the thoughts he was having by reading a book. “youve been staring at that page for ten minutes.” he looks up alarmed, not even knowing she had entered his room. “oh, um you know,, really interesting stuff.” she walks over to him and gently sits on the bed in front of him before grabbing the book and flipping it around, “its upside down.”

“ah. i knew that…”

when she asked him if he needed anything he’s grown to feel so comfortable around her he confides in her what had happened yesterday and some history between the two of you, leaving out the precious memories he has.

shes quiet for awhile. thinking about how to word a good response before she sighs, placing a hand on his. “i think shes right.” thats not what he wanted to hear. “why.” it wasn’t a question, more so his disbelief spilling out of his mouth but she takes it like a question anyway. “because if what you say is true she would have been successful no matter what, she is a good woman. she would have been happy in life because she was with you. but you would have never been happy because you were with her.”

it bothered him. and rethinking all of his time with you bothered him so much because in all of his memories you are so so happy. and he was, him. sure he was as happy as he could get but he was never truly happy with life and he just thought he never would be.

“the food in the fridge is gonna get hot at this rate.” he snaps back into reality as bucky slips behind him not even sparing him a glance as he fixed himself a drink. without thinking he slams the fridge door shut so strongly it makes a strange sound and everyones heads turn towards him. he just stares at it awkwardly trying to see if it was broken but it looked alright so he left it alone, sparing everyone a quick sorry as he glanced around the room.

the elevator door dings and suddenly all attention is off of bob and towards the door. there was no way it was you. it wasn’t. and he tries not to ket his disappointment show on his face. mel smiles at the group as he holds up the large bag she had in her hand, “i brought lunch.”

everyone cheered before gathering around the large brown bags rummaging around in them for their food. bob stands back, letting everyone else take their pick before he even thinks about heading over towards it. “oh right bob,” he looks over to mel who shuffles through her bag before holding out a phone to him. “courtesy of valentina”

bucky scoffs and laughs as bob hestitantly takes the phone from mel and smiles at her. “she yell at her?” mel hesitates to answer as bob stares at the phone, “off the record,, yes yes she did and she wouldn’t let anyone touch the phone, i was given it just now with someone breathing down my neck.”

you must have thought val or any of her minions would have bugged it. bucky realizes you were likely right and they would have, hes ever shocked you let mel hold it at all it must have been because he talked to you about how mel was a good one.

they continue to talk around him but he tunes them out. he cant even remember the last time he had a phone that wasnt a flip phone, probably when he was with you and you had bought it for him but he left it all those years ago. it doesn’t have a password and had no personality clearly new, but the phone did have one contact in it.

yours.

it was just your name, no nickname no emoji just your name. but with your contact page there was a little note you had left, “text me whenever you want! :)”

he doesn’t. he wants to. yet he keeps on staring at your contact page while he sits in bed. what would he even say? he cant just say hi thats too lame, but if he says anything else would he be coming off too strong?

lost in his own frustration he grips his phone awkwardly not even realizing his fingers slipped over the video call button and suddenly he was calling you. he yelped, his fingers trembling as he tried to end the call but the dark screen and ringing was soon changed into the site of your smiling face and the sound of your voice, “hi! give me one sec okay?”

he involuntarily begins to smile at the sound of your voice and he watches as your face disappears from view but he can still hear you talk to someone off screen. “im leaving joaquin,”

he can hear the sound of you gathering up your stuff. wait whos joaquin?

“who are you taking to? your boyfriend? let me see!”

“goodbye! leaving now!”

the sound of your rushing footsteps fills the air he can hear some voices call after you but you continue to briskly make your way out of the area you were before bring the phone back up and smiling at him.

“hi, sorry about that. its so good to hear from you are you alright?”

he pushes his questions down his throat as he smiles, nodding before he quickly rushes to actually speak, “yes hi sorry i didn’t mean to call you you seem busy…”

“no no no i just left work now i was meaning to leave anyway but i kept on getting distracted.”

distracted talking to that guy, the darker part of his mind thinks. he doesn’t have a right to think like that. the two of you haven’t been together in almost over a decade.

“im sorry…”

still he feels the need to apologize despite your words. he watches the way the afternoon light hits your face, the soft tone of your voice and he melts. “you know, you can call or text me whenever you want honey, ill always answer.”

2017

he was home alone. you were at work and he had gotten fired from the liquor store you managed to get him a job for and he felt terrible.

“dont worry baby, we’ll figure it out we always do.”

you’ll figure it out. thats what you had meant, he couldn’t really do anything. the tv was on yet the noise from it flowed from one ear to the other as he tried to shake the thoughts from his head.

he couldn’t do anything right. why did he even bother? he would be better off dead. his hands shook as he gripped his head tight. he couldn’t hear his fathers voice, angry like it always was he could hear the disappointment from his mother.

he couldn’t breathe.

he gripped his phone and found your contact and called it out of instinct. the ringing of it falling on deaf ears as the only sounds he could hear was his own pounding heartbeat.

it hadn’t even occurred to him you were still at work till you answered with a frazzled look on your face glancing around, he could recognize the ceiling and the walls of your work place, “hey honey did you need something?” he sees your face fall as you recognize the look on his face. “honey are you okay?”

he alway just messes everything up.

“im sorry.”

he hangs up. his phone flies from his hand and hits the wall. it probably breaks but he doesn’t care. he puts his head in his hands as he starts to hyperventilate.

of course you wouldn’t be free to talk to him you actually had things to do. you were actually important. unlike him. who has no place in this world, a worthless piece of space who means nothing.

he doesn’t know how long hes sitting there spiraling, but its not long enough feels cold hands touch his face and your sweet sonnet voice.

“honey, hey please look at me.”

you were looking at him with that sad face you get whenever someone yelled at him or whenever he was in one of his bad moods like he was right now.

he hated that look on your face.

“w-what are you doing here?”

“i was worried about you, are you okay?”

thats how it always was. whenever he was in any sort of peril you rushed to save him. you were like a superhero. it didn’t matter you had to cut your shift early and beg your coworker to cover the rest of the day for you. it didn’t matter rent was coming up and you would probably need to work a double or two to cover for today.

you just came to him. no matter what. and when he finally manages to force a smile you meet him with a gentle look on your face and a bag of hot takeout on the coffee table he felt like everything was alright just for awhile.

“you know, you can call or text me whenever you want honey, ill always answer.”

it becomes a regular thing. the two of you calling and texting each other everyday. the times zones are a little finicky so he ends up talking to you late into the night without a care in the world.

he avoids asking when you’re coming back to visit despite how eager he is. he knows you’re busy but he also knows that the two of you are dancing around the unavoidable.

there were numerous articles day to day about who the real avengers were and every shot with sam or every press he did you stood by his side and supported his cause. the two of you never talked about. when he would ask you what you did today when you had a press conference talking about how sam had the true right to have the real avengers you would say you just did this and that nothing special. you would have to talk about it eventually, but it was definitely not going to be anytime soon.

something else began to bother him during this time. that guy, joaquin he found out was his name. bucky had mentioned a thing or two about him. good guy, captain in the air force, smart, funny. he was gonna be sick.

you would always be standing next to him during conferences, the two or you could be seen chatting and laughing together in paparazzi photos. he has no right to be upset, you two arent together and haven’t been for awhile he cant be upset he shouldn’t be.

it had been a month now, but he hadn’t heard from you for two days now. it was odd. you had both talked everyday no matter how busy you were and you had suddenly gone radio silent. he tried not to let it bother him, you didnt have to talk to him everyday. he did chores he tried to train but it just continued to eat at the back of his head.

yet he finally heard from you once again. it was early afternoon. he was sitting on the couch drinking a decaf frappuccino yelena had gotten when she went go get the team coffee when the elevator door suddenly opened and the sound of people bickering filled the air.

everyone stood up at the sight of you, dragging sam by the ear towards the center of the room while joaquin trailed a little behind looking around the room with wonder.

you were wearing a business suit. he had seen you in a few of them but this one was clearly tailored like he’d seen during your press conferences. you’re had had been done the way you liked it still the same all those years ago, somethings never changed.

his fist clenched in his lap.

“you two are going to talk about it.”

“i dont wanna talk to him.”

“i dont give a shit.”

bucky looked the most alarmed out of the group and took a couple steps towards them. when sam noticed bucky he straighted up and turned his head away. “stop acting like a child wilson.”

only to make it worse bucky begins to match his posture and huffs. “you guys stop acting like babies before i get pissed off.”

“you’re already pissed off.”

“and you’re making it worse barnes.”

after a couple moments of silence you realize neither of them are going to crack you roll your eyes before grabbing both of them and dragging them down to an empty room. “joaquin play nice with them while were gone!” you ignore the sound of bucky and sam trying to argue with you and wiggle out of your death grip as you drag them out the room out of ear shot from everyone else who just stares at the three of you.

“remind me never to mess with her.” walker sits down next to ava and shakes his head, “trust me you really dont want to.” he shakes as a chill overcomes his body taking a long sip from his cup.

joaquin just sort of stares around the room in wonder before turning to the group trying to figure the joyful look on his face with something akin to serious but its very obvious its not genuine.

“serious doesn’t look good on you torres”

“shut up walker.”

bob has to put down his cup as his grip on it grows too tight he fears itll explode. its odd seeing the guy he’s seen only in photos and videos in person, he tries not to stare but he finds his jaw clenching before he even realizes it. yelena notices straight away, looking at him knowingly before turning back to joaquin with a grin.

“so like she your girlfriend?” yelenas finger points towards the way you had just dragged them off. walker spits out some of his drink and covers his mouth in a cough as joaquin tilts his head in confusion.

one of bobs hands reaches over and grips yelena’s jacket tugging it to try and get her to stop. he didn’t want to know, his chest hurts. but yelena ignores his movements and just grins at joaquin.

“who?” “you know, y/n.”

he laughs.

why the hell is he laughing?

his hands fly and out in from of him as he shakes his head, the humor still in his tone as he speaks. “nah nah, i like her shes cool but dating? no definitely not shes a good friend.” “ahh i get it.”

the relief he feels flowing through his body is the closest thing he’s felt to being high since he’s been sober. he doesn’t even fight off the sigh that leaves his body ignoring yelenas knowing look at him.

he notices the way joaquin is staring at him. its a familiar look to the ones he’s seen from the people from his past. its one thats trying to read him, trying to figure him out. he doesnt like it. when he shifts comfortably in his seat joaquin apologizes. “sorry man its just, have i seen you before?”

thats not what he was expecting to hear. even the other guys in the room seem confused by joaquins words. “umm no?” “the news maybe.” ava hits walker on the shoulder but he just turns to her confused, “what?”

joaquin just continues to stare for a minute or two, his hand coming to grab his chin as his eyes squint in concentration. suddenly his eyes light up and he claps his hands together, “oh i know, you’re the one whos her friend right?,” joaquin doesnt even wait for bob to nod his head before continuing. “shes got a picture of you on her desk. damn im good.”

bobs face contorts into disbelief as joaquin looks pleased with himself. “what picture?”

“looks like it was her graduation, shes wearing a cap and gown.”

oh right, he knows what picture joaquin’s talking about.

it was right after the lake trip you had taken him on. your high school graduation, you had originally told him he didnt need to go. you still went to the same school he had dropped out of, not wanting to overwhelm him but he still wanted to go. it was your big day, graduating top of your class you had worked so hard he pushed down all his bad thoughts and managed to show up for you. he hid his face, too embarrassed to be seen by his former teachers and classmates but he still stood up and cheered when your name had been called. his cheeks hurt from smiling while you were giving your speech.

the first thing you did after it was all done was run over to him with a big smile on your face. he wrapped you in his arms and spun you around. “im so proud of you baby.” the sound of your laugher fills his ears as you snuggle your head in the crook of his neck. “im so happy you’re here.” you quickly pulled out your digital camera from your pocket and snapped a picture of the two of you wrapped in each others arms and smiling at the camera.

you should have been off to some ivy league college after that. getting some fancy degree getting a high paying job living in a nice house. yet you werent, everyone was more than confused when you said you were staying local, going to the near by community college and getting a regular business degree. you were meant to be doing so much more thats what everyone had said, but you couldnt leave bob. sure he would follow you anywhere you went but the idea of him being too overwhelmed by a new city put you off of moving all together.

he didnt get to go to your college graduation he had already left you at that point. he wonders what you had looked like, what you wore. he couldnt remember what the school colors were. did anyone even show up for you? you did have many friends outside of casual acquaintances at school and bob was even the only one at your high school graduation. were you all alone that day? he swallows down an ache in his chest at the idea of you standing all alone while everyone around you celebrates with their loved ones.

“right yeah, probably me. i-i mean, i was there so..”

he has no clue what to say. he tells himself its probably the only picture you have of your graduation of course you would frame it and keep it, it has nothing to do with him its just a coincidence he’s in the photo. he’s not special.

thankfully like the angel you are you finally come back into the room sam and bucky on your tail. it seems like the tense has dissolved off of the three of you. “everything good?”

you walk over and pat joaquin on the shoulder and nod. bobs head twitches. “yep, the married couple made up just fine.”

“dont call us that.”

bucky and sam look over and each other and smile. sam places his hand on buckys shoulder and shakes it gently.

“we’ll have to have a long talk with valentina but yeah, i think we’ll be alright.”

a gentle look of affection graces buckys face in a way none of the thunderbolts have ever seen. its strange but no one has the heart to say anything.

bob cant take his eyes off you. the soft smile on your face as you stare at the two guys. when your eyes drift over to him his body perks up and he straightens in his seat like a dog. he must be imagining the way the smile on your face grows at the sight of him.

“who wants to go to lunch? my treat.”

while everyone perks up and gets ready to go you walk over to bob. yelena gets up, shooting bob a knowing look before rushing over to ava. bob stands to greet you. tugging on the ends of his sleeves he grins, “hi.”

“bob, im so sorry. my phone got broken on this mission and i couldn’t reach you.” you grip his forearm and smile at him apologetically. he feels so relieved to see you to hear your voice he laughs. his voice full of joy as he leans closer to you. “im happy to see you.”

you wiggle a bit closer to him and he fights the urge to lay his forehead on yours. the grip you have on his forearm growing ever so tighter. “im happy too.”

“i still owe you a lunch, come on lets go.”

you grip his hand, he doesn’t let you go until you get to the restaurant, if anyone notices they dont say anything.

you had rented out the private room at this brunch spot. on the way there you told him how you always came here whenever you were in the city and were excited for him to try it.

he sat next to you, joaquin sat in front of you much to bobs dismay. sam to his right bucky next to him, everyone else gathered in the remaining seats. different people at the table begin to form their own conversations while looking over the menu.

joaquin was smirking at you as he glances between you and bob who was focused on looking over the pancake options. he only looked up once you kicked joaquin in the shin, giving you a confused look but you just smile and go back to looking at the menu not before glaring at joaquin once more.

“dont even start.”

“i didnt even say anything.”

bobs jaw clenches as joaquin grins at you while you roll your eyes. he places his hand on your thigh without thinking and you turn to look at him. he stares down at the menu with a glare biting his tongue. he doesnt have any right to feel the way he does. he knows the two of you are not even dating but the pit in his stomach doesn’t go away no matter how much he wants it to.

his whole body tightens as he feels your hand grab his. he expects you to rip the hand off and give him a nasty look. yet you simply just flip his hand around and lace your fingers with his. his whole body softens, once his jaw relaxes he notices how much it aches from the tension he had been putting on it. he looks over and you and you caught his eye, giving him a sneaky grin before reading the menu.

orders are taken, its a messy than expected. alexei changes his mind on his order about five times before he settles on something, bob messes up saying what he wants twice but you step in and help him, joaquin had been so distracted by teasing you he had forgotten to pick something so he randomly chose something off the first page.

“so how long are you all in new york?”

“just for the weekend, we gotta be back in dc by monday.”

joaquin looks at you as he taps you on the arm. “but you’re not heading back with us right?”

you shake your head, taking a long drink out of your glass. “i have the week off.”

“you’re staying in new york?”

he’s hopeful. more hopeful than he wants to admit but you shake your head leaving him heartbroken. “im going out of state.”

“arent you headed back to florida?”

joaquin hisses as you slam your foot onto his. “shut up!”

“florida? for what?”

you lean your head back and sigh, clear irritation riddled on your face as you use your free hand to scratch your jaw. “nothing.”

“you have an apartment down there-“

he groans again as you stomp his other foot, glaring at him. “joaquin if you dont shut your mouth.”

“where?”

bobs not asking you. he’s asking joaquin, who gives him a hesitant look, looking back between the two of you.

“miami.”

bob doesn’t believe you. he turns his head to you. he knows that look on your face, when he would ask you something and you didn’t wanna answer him. “where is it.”

you stare at him, your eyelids rapidly blink as you click your tongue. you stay silent for a few moments before you sigh dejectedly. “i still have the apartment in saratosa.”

you look away, thankfully the food comes out and the two of you are able to get away without saying anything for a few minutes as the waiters come down to place all the food infront of you all.

he doesn’t know what to think. he stares down at his pancakes deep in thought. why would you keep it? from what he’s found out its been years since you’ve lived in flordia. maybe you use it like a storage house? yeah thats gotta be it. theres no way you would keep it cause you actually wanted it… right?

joaquin had moved on to chatting with sam and bucky leaving you and bob to be the only people not engaged in some conversation at the table. he wants to say something to you, anything at all but nothing comes out.

“i get homesick. sorry you must think its really weird, i mean, it was your home too so…”

you mumble it just loud enough for only him to hear. he doesn’t know what to think. he has so many questions, so many thoughts. he wants to talk with you about everything, but what would he even say when he has no clue himself what he’s even thinking?

your palm feels sweaty, probably because he runs so hot but you didn’t dare to pull your hand off of his. he squeezed your hand tightly and let out a shaky breath.

“can i come with you?”

[trashytracktales]

I’m surprised nobody has asked this yet but GIRL CAN WE TALK ABOUT FREAKY CHARLES LIKEEEEEEE

I mean, people have been interested in the topic. I’m just too slow 😔

Before we begin, I would like to summarize this, because I went a little crazy OOPSIES. So, pretty much all you have to know about Charlie is that he’s a freak in the sheets, but too classy to admit it.

Enjoy 💋

𝗧’𝗦 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗬 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗘𝗦 𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗔

𝗜𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝗱

✦ Charles is the type of man who feels everything, and he’ll die to make you feel it, too, mostly because he can’t always find the words. He is tender, dominant, and passionate.

✦ Takes his time undressing you.

✦ Lots of eye contact, but not to see the way you react. He’s using it to communicate clear messages like, “I am making you feel this. You see what I’m doing to you?”

✦ He thrives off connection. I reckon if you’ve got his heart, you’ve got all of him.

✦ He’s focused on every little sound, twitch, and breath, and he uses them as fuel.

✦ The kind to edge you until you’re pleading, then finally gives you everything. Does it because he wants to own your pleasure.

✦ Soft-spoken, but commanding.

✦ He expects to be obeyed. Can’t really elaborate on this, but see how he’s entering daddy mode when Leo doesn’t listen? Hihi ^^

✦ Insatiable; doesn’t stop at one round. Or two. Or three.

✦ That ☝🏻 being said, insane stamina.

✦ Teasing. Teasing all the time. Fingers brushing your inner thigh, lips ghosting over yours, cock pressed on your clit or right at the entrance, but not in. Not until you beg, anyway.

✦ Bedhead and sweat-slicked curls after!! Ah, he’s glowing. And you’re glowing. And the bed is ruined.

𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻-𝗼𝗻𝘀

✦ Confidence. Likes a partner who knows what they want, and isn’t shy to say it. Well, maybe a bit shy, but still saying it while blushing.

✦ Subtle public teasing.

✦ Wearing his clothes. The sight of you curled up in his stuff? Instant jaw clench.

✦ Lip gloss. That moment when you’re reapplying it and he’s just watching you, imagining things. Messy things.

✦ Eye contact during oral. Whether he’s giving or receiving, it makes him so hard and wants to see it all.

✦ Hear me out, watching you dance. Doesn’t matter if it’s at a party or at home, if you're moving your hips, he’s thinking about how they’d move if he had you pressed up against his.

✦ Call him a good boy and it’s lights out in his pants. This is not secret info anymore, not after Monaco 2024, when Bryan praised him in front of the entire world. Charles plays confident and cocky at times, but praising has him by the scruff of his neck like a kitten.

✦ When you get genuinely flustered, stumbling over your words, cheeks flushed, and thighs squeezing. Because of him. Yes.

𝗞𝗶𝗻𝗸𝘀

✦ Mentioned praise. Just tell him how good he feels, how deep he is, and how much you need him.

✦ Mirrors. He knows he’s a good looking man, and likes to watch himself while tearing you apart.

✦ Oral fixation that goes both ways. But honestly, something tells me he likes it more when he’s eating you out, and will go down on you like he’s honoring a royal decree. Hands locked around your thighs, low groans against your core, slow teasing tongue etc. Because judging by that pretty mouth, he’s so good at it, and he’ll stay between your thighs until you’re crying.

✦ Soft!dom energy; loves holding your wrists down and putting you in whatever position he feels like in the moment.

✦ Dirty talk in French. The accent alone is devastating, but when he lets full French slip in it’s game over. It’s like pressing the power button on his car.

✦ Slow burn, because Charles has patience (almost 7 whole seasons with Ferrari and still going). Will tease you until you’re squirming, brushing his thumbs over your nipples and not committing on purpose. Just because he likes seeing you desperate.

✦ Partially clothed sex. Something about you still wearing your bra, or your panties pushed to the side while he’s fully undone, gets him going. It’s the in-between moment of urgency that drives him wild.

✦ Low-key voyeuristic tendencies. Slightly exhibitionist too, because I just know he’s turned on by the risk. Balcony sex, car sex... you name it, he’s down.

✦ Possession in the sweetest way. Calls you “good girl” and “mine” almost interchangeably, and tells you how beautiful you are while ruining you.

✦ Scent kink. Yes, he’s a nose-burier, I’ll tell you that for free.

✦ Hands kink. He uses them with intention. Gripping your jaw while kissing you, tracing over your stomach before dipping down, holding your hips in place as he thrusts deep. He knows his fingers are long and skilled (plays piano for a reason), and he’s not shy about showing off just how much he can do with them.

𝗙𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀

✦ Missionary is never boring with Charles. He loves to pin your hips down and being close to your face, kissing you between moans, asking you to look at him as he rolls into you deeper.

However, he’s a bit unconventional when it comes to positions, so let me just:

✦ The Vienna waiter, with you laying on your back, legs resting on his shoulders while he’s standing or kneeling and holding your hips up off the bed. Likes it because it’s deeper than missionary, and is pretty sure you feel him in your ribs deep.

✦ Reverse cowgirl in front of a mirror. One of the few times when he sits back and watches your body bounce at your own pace. Might have one hand lazily trailing down to your clit, the other cupping your chest like the smug prince he is. The only certainty is that he loves watching everything: your movements, his cock disappearing into you, and definitely your flushed face in the mirror.

✦ Flatiron, with him on top, pushing in from behind very, very slow. The slow burn I mentioned earlier. Deep, full-body contact. Every breath syncs. His weight holds you down just right.

✦ Standing split against a wall, one leg hiked around his waist, your back pinned to the surface. There’s little room to move, so he grinds in deep and intentional, his face buried in your neck, panting, whispering things like, “You like being mine, oui?”

✦ Seated, with you on top. Loves having you straddle him, on a chair, in bed, or even his sim rig. Your arms looped around his neck, his hands full on your ass or waist, spreading and guiding.

✦ Doggy for the visual and the grip. This comes with a warning, though. He will grab a handful of your ass and give it a slap or two if you’re teasing him or clenching too hard, because he knows you’re doing it on purpose. That’s why he won’t stop until your legs give out and you’re trembling underneath him.

✦ Laying on your side, spooning you from behind, hiking your leg over his thigh to slide in. Hand on your chest or between your legs, to make sure you’re feeling him everywhere.

𝗘𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗲

Surprising facts.

✦ He LOVES lingerie.

✦ Despite his gentleman vibe, he’s got a filthy mouth during sex and is very vocal. In French. In English. In Italian.

✦ He loves being told what to do while he’s at it. Faster or right there makes him physically shudder.

✦ Hyper-fixates on one part of your body per session. It’s always slow and agonizing.

✦ Gets so turned on when you touch him. If your hands are in his hair, under his shirt, unbuckling his belt like you can’t wait… cut the show.

✦ Loves the sound of skin on skin. The wet sound of your bodies moving together has him feral.

✦ Post-nut clarity hits like a poet.

𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲

✦ Depending on how intense it was, you can get soft!Charles or possessive!Charles. Either way, he is the kind to clean you up and kiss you all over, making sure you’re okay.

Soft!Charles

✦ Immediately pulls you into a cuddle.

✦ His hands are everywhere, gently stroking your hair and back.

✦ He hums a lot if he’s satisfied, and everything is slow and warm.

✦ Falls asleep with your boon in his hand, because it helps him relax.

✦ Gentle teasing until he drifts away.

Possessive!Charles

✦ Lingers inside after he comes.

✦ He can’t stop touching you. Fingers ghosting the marks he left or the mess you’ve made for him.

✦ He can’t shut the fuck up, low-key. Mine. You’re so good to me. So perfect.

✦ Moves you to lie on his chest.

✦ Hand tucked under your thigh or ass.

✦ Last instinct before falling asleep is to protect.

[spindrifters]

Hey friends,

I know this isn’t the marginalia update you were hoping for, but HOLD ON. This isn’t going in the direction you think it is.

First of all, thank you so much for your patience. I'm really sorry for leaving you on such a horrendous cliffhanger for so long. That was never my intention, but the AO3 curse got me so, so bad.

As most of you who follow me on Tumblr know, my health deteriorated significantly over the course of the last two years. It began with chronic migraines and brain fog, which then worsened and led to chronic fatigue, increasing cognitive/language confusion, and finally issues with balance and weakness in my extremities. Long story short, in February I was finally diagnosed with a Chiari malformation, and I had brain surgery last month. I'm happy to report that it appears to have been a complete success! My symptoms are gone. I feel better than I have in literal decades. The curse is lifted. Nice. Now I’m just doing the hard work of recovering from surgery.

In the meantime, a few things have happened:

First, I became a traditionally published author. My debut novel scooted out into the world last year, is currently nominated for a big fat award, and I have more books coming out over the next few years. I have no idea how I got here, but holy crap!!

Second, JKR pulled more bullshit. And while I think it’s fantastically ethical, actually, to engage in the reclamatory spaces of fandom, my appetite for it is sort of gone at the moment. I doubt forever. These things wax and wane, even when the author isn’t a piece of shit.

So here’s what’s going on.

I’ve spent the last month reworking marginalia into a piece of original fiction. Which honestly hasn’t been very hard to do. I’ve written hundreds of fic over the years, and this is the first one that I ever felt compelled to revise into something else, because it's also the only one that I knew could stand on its own two feet as more than just an intertext with canon. This fic has always been a frank conversation with its source material, but the result of that has allowed me to bypass the constraints of JKR's world to create something entirely my own. It's also about so much more than that frank conversation. It’s about navigating a version of yourself you can live with under inherently unethical circumstances. It’s about chronic pain and invisible disability, and I do see the irony in not knowing I had either of those things at the time I was first drafting. It's about breaking cycles of abuse. It’s about empathy. I think the world needs more stories like this.

So my agent is going to begin pitching the reworked version to publishers relatively soon, at which point this fic will have to come down from AO3. I'm going to set the date for June 7th. From there, one of two things will happen:

1. The reimagined version will eventually get picked up by a publisher, will become a traditionally published novel—probably a duology, let's be real—and I’ll be very open about where you can get your hands on it.

or

2. No one bites. And this will go right back up on AO3, comment section book club in tact, and I’ll finish the story when the time is right.

In the meantime, I don’t mind you downloading it if you want, and I don't mind you sharing it with others if they ask. It’s a big part of why I’m giving you the heads up. And Pigoletta’s excellent podfic will stay right where it is unless she decides otherwise at some point. But what I do ask is that you don't repost marginalia publicly, not on AO3 and not anywhere else. And for the love of fuck, don't feed it to an LLM to try to generate an ending.

Okay, I think that's it! Thank you all for the gorgeous community that's grown around this fic. I'm excited to see what the next chapter brings.

xo zo

[technicallyastar]

Hi, hii! 😇

I saw how you wrote about Doombringer, and let me just say that…

I absolutely love how you wrote him.

If it is possible… Could we perhaps get more crumbs of Doombringer x reader fics? (Kind of starving for Doombringer content ya know…)

Ain’t no pressure if you don’t wanna write!

For what matters the most is your own health, mentality and overall being! 🫶

If you ain’t writing though, then at least have an amazing day/afternoon/night‼️🗣️ remember to drink and eat well too!! 🙂‍↕️

Thank you darling, likewise. and of course I will feed you!

Doombringer is such a cutie patootie.

-First of all, Doombringer is not really a romantic but an idealist. He doesn't care for the sweet words, the poetry, the deep meaningfulness of life with someone you love. But deep passionate moments in romantic settings will have too be initiated by you.

-Doom's an adaptable, reasonable guy with good communication skills with a great moral compass. He responds well to critique and handles serious discussions well, so most (if any) issues you have with him can be resolved quickly. The only love language he struggles with is words of affirmation, and only because he feels a little virginal when around his partner. If he has any particular flaw, it’s that he tends to over-extend himself socially and give his opinion on matters that don't concern him. This can cause stress on both the relationship and his own health if left to fester, but he’s receptive if you just have a conversation with him about it.

-He likes to have a bit of gentle teasing in his relationships. It’s always good-natured stuff, just some sweet, light banter. Casual conversations like that help him let loose from the long hours he’s dedicated to being the righteous admin he so claims to be. Additionally, he would like a partner who he can confide in. He needs to vent sometimes too, but since he’s trusted with so many people’s private matters, he needs to trust you too.

-He enjoys skinship. Any kind of physical contact with his partner is good contact. Holding hands, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, and boy howdy does he like it when you snuggle up to his chest! He gives amazingly comforting hugs, not too tight, not too gentle.

He’s fine with PDA as long as you both establish honest boundaries for it; he doesn’t normally like to do anything more than hugs and simple kisses in front of the others. He especially likes to kiss your cheek and ears, so he can leave sweet, whispered words behind. When he blushes, his ears turn bright red.

-He’s a hold-out for starting a relationship due to the nature of his work as well as his righteous mission …but once he accepts that he’s probably not getting out of this situation of being so weak for you, he gives into you pretty quickly. Doom falls slow but hard, so by the time you’re together, he’s much more desperate for closeness and comfort than he lets on. It doesn’t take long into your relationship that he’s asking to spend the night in your room, or you his. Just to share the space, to have someone to cling to, nothing dirty.

NSFW (MINORS DNI)

-Doom's serving preferences carry over into the bedroom! He’s more of a service top, preferring to focus on the pleasure of his partner over his own. He can endure a neglected erection for a surprising amount of time, and sometimes will even come without you touching him at all, if you’re both riled up enough. He just thinks his partner is the most perfect thing ever and it drives him to the brink.

He’s not especially kinky, but he’s willing to try any non-harmful things you’re interested in. He doesn’t like to bruise or cut you, and even pulling your hair is pushing it a bit. Delivering pain is apart of his job description, reserved for in his mind the scum of robloxia- you are anything but and it pains him to lay hands on you in that way. He personally really likes body worship, edging, cockwarming sessions with lots of slow kissing, and he loves to see his partner in something elegant and lacey. With time, he can come to like some soft restraints, like silk cloth.

He doesn’t mind a bit of playful taunting in the bedroom, but he wouldn’t like to have a bratty partner. What’s enjoyable about his partner pretending they don’t want him, like him? Other than that, he does his best to deliver on any requests you have for the bedroom. If you ask him to ravish you, he’s going to ravish you. If you need to feel a little powerful, he hands you his trust and control. Feel Honored.

-His libido is pretty average, but sometimes he’s just too tired for proper sex. Not so secretly, he feels delightfully spoiled when you treat him to your hands or your mouth on those nights when he’s exhausted but needy. These are the only times he might fail to get you off, and only because he’s out like a light before he gets a chance. He’ll make up for it first thing in the morning. Admins promise.

He loves to bathe with you. It may sometimes turn into something more, but he does like it as a form of intimacy and skinship so you shouldn’t try to initiate every time y’all strip down. Or even most of the time, honestly. Otherwise, he would eventually stop asking to bathe with you entirely, as it would feel like you’re sexualizing his vulnerability and trust.

[pome-seed]

Bucky Barnes with an Autistic Partner

Summary: Bucky with an autistic partner - Just a drabble

Word Count: 835

Warnings: Mention of panic attacks. Mention of sex.

18+ blog, Minors Do Not Interact.

Authors Note: Okay yes, this might be a little self indulgent because I'm autistic, but shhh. ALSO, if you want to be apart of my taglist, let me know :)

Bucky is the most understanding partner you’ve ever had. 

He is patient and kind and open. He’s always listening, always paying attention. 

Communication can be hard for him, but he makes sure to be vocal for you, just in case you have problems reading him. 

He has a little notebook he keeps in his back pocket where he writes down small things to remember. Like textures you don’t like, so he can make sure not to buy any clothing items or things for your house that will make you uncomfortable.

He writes down your little fixations, and always finds ways to make you feel seen. Maybe he’s making or finding something that relates to your current fixation. 

He also makes sure you know he’s always willing to go on the long drive to your favorite restaurant. Because sometimes food can be hard for you, textures and flavors. But he doesn’t mind.

Bucky is also always the most protective person around you. 

If anyone tries to mock you, or pressure you into something, or touch you, he steps in. 

Bucky can’t stand it. He knows how much you’ve struggled in the past with people, relationships, and just day to day experiences. Because most people aren't very understanding. Because if they don’t experience it, they don’t approve of it. So you've experienced plenty of cruelty.

So when you’re out in public and things get too loud, he makes sure no one says a thing about your headphones, whether noise cancelling, or just to play music and distract yourself. 

And when something happens? Like someone touches you, or yells, or things are just too overwhelming, he finds a way to help. He pulls you to the side, away from the crowd, and wraps you in a compression hug, trying to help you calm down.

But it’s hard, because it's just too much. Your skin is crawling and you can’t breathe. Panic swells in your chest and you don’t even know what caused it.

But Bucky doesn’t question you. He doesn’t insult you, or make you feel bad. Because that doesn’t matter to him. All he cares about is making you feel safe and calm.

So he stands there, holding you tight while you cry into his chest, your hands pressed over your ears. And when you finally begin to calm down, he guides you through breathing exercises to slow your heart rate.

His gentle hands cup your face, calloused thumbs swipe away your tears. 

“Better?” He asks, not pressuring you to move on, but just checking in. 

You nod, closing your eyes as you lean in. “I’m sorry,” you whisper, like it’s a habit to feel guilty that you are the way you are.

“Shh, don’t be, sweetheart.” He frowns.

Nothing wounds him more than the idea that you have been made to think there’s something wrong with you. Because in his eyes, you’re not wrong. You’re not different, you’re just you. 

And he loves you.

And he shows it every day.

He's also the sweetest boyfriend during sex.

He's careful, always checking in, making sure you're okay. Before you guys ever started having sex, he made sure to sit you down and talk about boundaries. It was hard for him, but he'd rather die than make you uncomfortable.

It was hard for you to talk about it, because it was a little embarrassing, but you did it. Because you want him, god, you want Bucky.

So you talked about what was off limits, and what you were interested in.

It wasn't cinematic, it wasn't like you just collapsed into each others arms and fucked until the sun rose over the horizon.

But it was better than that, because you felt safer than you ever had before. You felt seen, and cared for.

So for over two hours, he picked you apart piece by piece. He dragged you through more orgasms than you thought you could have in one sitting. He touched you, kissed you, and cared for you.

And afterwards, he didn't expect you to fall asleep in his arms. He knew you would want to clean up, so he carried you to the bathroom and let you decide if you wanted to shower alone or not.

Because whatever you decided, he would accept it with a smile.

There’s days where you wonder how you got lucky enough to be with someone like Bucky. You don’t understand how a man like him ended up with someone like you. 

But the truth is, you’re perfect for one another. Because everything he does for you, you do in your own way for him.

Because Bucky isn’t perfect either. He has hang ups. He has problems. There’s days where he goes without speaking. There's days where he just wants to be alone. 

There’s days where he just wants to hold you, but you don’t want to be touched. 

But it’s okay, because you love each other, and you’ll always find a way to be there.

A/N: I could go on forever about how I think Bucky would be the best boyfriend. Ignore this if you don't find it interesting... :)

Taglist: @a-world-with-pure-imagination @frog-fans-unite @1967barracuda @akkklys @cherryheairt @lonelyghosts-stuff @mysoulbelongstobuckybarnes @devilslittlehelper @miss-chuchu @dollface-xoxo @natalia42069 @thuul-box @local-crazy @justachillgirllui @pleasecallmeunhinged @cookies-and-music @fallen-w1ngs @unicornqueen05

[dvandom]

Part of racism (and classism, and other negative -isms) is isolation from the lived experience of The Other.

I've never really gotten into rap, in large part because it doesn't really speak to my life, either in the "how it is" or the "how I want it to be." That's at least somewhat due to the systemic racism in my life, the urban black experience that is heavy upon rap is not something I've ever lived as a suburban white guy.

Similarly, a lot of post-1985 country music aims at the poor rural white experience, and systemic classism contributes to my general "meh" feeling for it. (I do like a lot of pre-1985 country, but some of that is just having randomly gotten into it as a kid, so even if the experiences don't grab me, it's still got strong nostalgia hooks.)

You'll also find a lot of guys not really being into romance books or movies, which are heavily marketed at and about the life and aspirations of women. Systemic sexism means I've never been expected to be interested in Girl Stuff.

We all tend to find it easier to like the things that speak to the demographics we've been slotted into, and there can be unpleasant social consequences for stepping outside of that slot, because systemic bias depends on community enforcement. Even when it becomes permissible to like things outside your silo, it can come across as appropriative and insulting...because sometimes it IS insulting appropriation, or at least uncomfortable to those whose demographic the thing "belongs" to. Maybe the suburban white guy honestly loves hardcore urban rap, or romance novels, or a kids' cartoon and isn't doing it for cred or unsavory ulterior motives...but it'll sure like like he is at first glance.

So...it's not that I actively dislike rap, but as a middle-aged suburban white guy I have to work hard at cultivating a taste for it, and I'm going to risk flak for the attempt. Both internal and external resistance, and I already have an easy enough time finding stuff to listen to that I know I like. Or read, or watch, etc. I do sometimes make the effort to go outside my comfort zone, because I also know that staying purely in my silo is bad, but a little at a time, and often a matter of "creator I already like has done work in a genre/subgenre I haven't tried yet" rather than deliberately saying, "I should try out this thing that is unfamiliar to me."

With the whole rap thing I think a lot of people don’t know its fine to just. Not like something. You don’t need a reason. Like I listened to a bunch of rap and found a few songs I liked but overall it wasnt for me. It’s not inherently racist to like and dislike music genres

the thing is that I think there actually is a pretty distinct line between people who just Don't Vibe With Rap and people who can't vibe with rap because its proximity to Blackness scares the shit out of them. like I've gotten plenty of people in my replies who just haven't found rap that clicks with them and feel whatever about it, and while I definitely think a lot of people should take stock of how their tastes and interests can be shaped by white supremacy, I genuinely don't think it's racist to not generally enjoy rap any more than it's racist to not enjoy, like, kpop or reggaeton or whatever. nothing is for everybody!

but then I get these clowns who feel the need to like. stand up on a chair and announce that they don't like rap because of [insert antiblack stereotypes here] and still desperately want someone to coddle them and kiss their little heads and assure them that it's okay to hold some super racist beliefs as long as it's just a ~preference~ like. fucking miss me with that, fix your life.

[transboyswitchytales]

'Unsupervised'

REQUEST BY 🦊

🦊3. billy and reader get into trouble with the coven, like, let's say we get drunk at the house alone when the rest of the coven is like doing magic in the forest. and when they get back, we are super drunk and when we see them, we just burst out laughing. "we're not- *laughs* drunk, this is how we normally are" or something similar. you can pick, of course.

WARNINGS:

Gore / BLOOD / Drinking / Underage drinking / Angst / Found Family / Coven / You get in trouble with your wives / Demons / Blood and guts / Upset Agatha / You are Billy's parents / MDNI 18+

🦊I hope you don't mind how I twisted the story?

My Masterlist

Getting drunk wasn’t on your to-dos today, honest.

You were all supposed to be getting ready for circle. Tonight was the ‘Flower Moon’ and it was a time for fertility and abundance. 

Rio was more busy then ever because tonight there were flowers and plants that would bloom only for a few hours. So she was busy and Lilia was cooking with Jen. Alice had bought a cabin in the middle of the woods and you all came out at least once a week do to circle with the coven in the woods. 

You weren’t a fan of the Flower Moon, you were kinda cranky. This morning as Rio was busy and Agatha was teaching Billy… you found yourself bored. You laced your black boots spent the day helping to pack the car. But you knew that you wanted to get into trouble tonight, pugging beer in the car without telling anyone. Also, Rio and Aggie always loved to fuck you under the full moon. But fertility moons always made you nervous, not wanting to accidentally get pregnant. Though that thought only stirred Rio and Agatha’s arousal on more. So you weren’t sure they shared your sentiment. 

You sat in the backyard and assisted as Alice filled the Cauldron full of oils to prepare for Jen. You took off your leather jacket, it was cooler as the sunset. Throwing it the side, it had been Rio’s but she’d given it to you centuries ago. And you swore it still smelled like your wife. 

You drip sweat in your black tank top as you bring the axe down onto bits of wood. You’d been chopping wood for an hour or so when you heard Billy’s upset. It was hard sometimes not to hear his thoughts, as they were so very loud. 

But he stormed out of the house and Agatha was close on his heels. Agatha always preferred it when you sat in on their lessons, finding you understood Billy, and you really understood Agatha. But you didn’t always like long hours of the two of them doing the simple magic task. 

So you’d opted out this evening too, as you chopped wood and the sunset. 

“YOU DON’T EVEN CARE!” Billy shouted, he’d just turned twenty. So he wasn’t technically a teen, but his frontal lobe sure hadn’t developed yet. Alice eyed you for help before going over to the boy. 

“YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT! You think I don’t care? I’m trying to keep you safe! You want to play with forces above your level! You want to die? Is that it? Because there are easier ways to do it!” Agatha snapped, and you knew she didn’t mean it. So you kept your axe in one hand and walked over to your wife. She turned to look at you, and you put one hand on her forearm, and she took a deep breath. You rubbed her arm soothingly, and she found comfort in you. 

“SHE’S MY MOTHER! MY MOM!” Billy shouts, ruining your attempt to help calm Agatha. You don’t shush him. He has a right to his anger. You all feel that way in fact. 

“Billy-”

“NO GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU WON’T LET ME!”

Agatha points to you. And you look sheepish. 

“WHAT ABOUT HER?” Billy snaps and you feel like this is going to get ugly fast. 

“I WON’T PUT MY FAMILY, MY WIFE  IN DANGER SO YOU CAN TALK TO MOMMY! You aren’t strong enough yet, Billy. You can’t communicate with Wanda from the grave. I know you want to but it’s dangerous for so many reasons and you can’t be sure it’s even her! Focus on the lessons, let me teach you. Don’t be stupid!”

“I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR FAMILY!” Billy snaps, and you know he doesn’t mean it, but Agatha steps towards him and you know she’s about to do something she’ll regret just for you. So you grab her bicep hard in warning and she stops. You speak in her mind to calm her down…

Until you both felt Billy push into Agatha’s mind to find answers. Her eyes snapped to her student, and she gave a deathly glare. 

“You are really being rude now. How many times do I have to tell you you’ll get a nose bleed trying to read my mind?” She says, and on cue, Billy’s nose springs a crimson leak. Alice is quick to grab a napkin off the outside table and bring it to him. He grabs it, and you feel his shame. “Billy, you have to understand-” Agatha tries again, gaining some sense of being the coven leader again. 

“I WANT MY MOM! NOT YOU! I JUST WANT TO TALK TO HER! WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND? I DON’T WANT YOU! YOU AREN’T MY MOM!” Billy shouts, and you know that hurt Agatha. As he runs into the forest. You feel torn, knowing Billy will get lost out there. But not wanting to leave Agatha abandoned in these feelings. In this fear.  

She opens her mouth in shock, and you know she’s seeing Nicky now. 

You lean in and kiss her cheek knowing it will only help so much. 

“RIO!” You shout, glad you were a thruple in these moments. Rio recognizes the fear in your tone, and she sprints out of the cabin and eyes you. You don't need to speak, and she runs over to Agatha. Grabbing her from behind in support. 

You go to grab your leather jacket from the wood pile and keep the axe and run after the boy into the dark wood. 

You feel Agatha’s fear thicken like tendrils of rope, she doesn’t want you in the forest without her. Rio’s emotions layer on top, their worry over their wife is deafening. But you don’t stop. 

You follow him as he weaves between ancient trees and cries, and sobs to the witches that came before him. Billy’s boots pound into the dirt like a deer trending the forest in fear. He looks a little like a devastated wood nymph. 

But you follow him even after he screams at you, voice cracking; ‘go away.’ You follow him still. 

You are his coven.

You are his godmother. You and Agatha are, and you knew Wanda at her worst. You were in her hex with Agnes. You’d worn every outfit for every episode. You helped kill Sparky. You walked the road with him. 

You know this boy. This young witch. And you’ll follow him through this forest.

Eventually, he stops and falls to his knees. He’s stops before a big wooden bridge,one you knew well, it’s abandoned part of the wood. And you look up to see that the moon is out and large, the coven would need to start the circle soon. Their window is closing. But you weren’t in a rush to get back. Knowing Billy wasn’t ready yet.

Rio and Agatha would feel if you were in trouble, they knew you. Knew your magic.  

He turns and shouts at you now from his knees. 

“I HATE YOU! I HATE AGATHA! YOU KNEW HER! YOU..You knew my mother. And I didn’t get that! I DIDN’T GET THAT TIME WITH HER! All I have is what? A week in a distorted spell! You won’t let me try to contact her, why?” Billy’s tears almost make him look angelic. His snot less so, but you let him lose his mind in grief. As only grief can do. 

“Agatha knows th-” You start softly in the night but Billy can’t do it. 

“Fuck that. I’m a powerful witch, I’ll do it by myself! Without your help!” Billy shouts and you chew on your cheek for a minute.  

“I’ll do it with you. I don’t want you to try alone. But you must understand….it might not work…and it’s very dangerous. And more importantly, all magic comes with a price Billy.” You say it knowing what he’ll say. 

“I don’t care.” He says and you smile at him sadly, because he will. Because every young witch says that. Until they have to pay the price. 

“Okay then.” You agree. 

“Won’t Agatha be…upset you did this?” Billy says, and you know that’s the true Billy. Not this tantrum he’s throwing. But you don’t answer him, because yes. Agatha would be losing her mind if she knew you were putting your life at risk like this. Without her knowledge, in the dead of night, in the woods. 

You grab Billy’s hand and pull him into the river, his and your boots getting wet. But he listens and follows you. 

“I used to do this…before. But you need to know, once you play with the dead…they want to play with you. Necromancy and DreamWalking or…I’ll keep you safe. But I can only do so much…we can’t stay for long.”

“You learned this from the Darkhold, didn’t you? The one that my mother used…the one Agatha used?” Billy says, and you don’t answer him. But you take the axe. 

“Last chance, you won’t ever be free of them.”

Billy shivers in the night, and you want so badly to tell him no, but you can’t. You can’t turn back, if he was going to do this. Then you’d at least guide him. You knew Wanda would want that.  

“I’m sure,” Billy says not even a little bit understanding what he was agreeing to. 

You take the axe and slice his palm open, and he flinches. You throw the axe behind you, knowing it wouldn’t be able to protect either of you from what’s to come.  

 You toss your leather jacket behind you, too. Then close your eyes and chant in a language only written in the Darkhold. You didn’t even speak it to Agatha when you two had possession of the cursed text.

 And Billy feels the magic of the wood shift. 

Dark smoke pillows around him like a fog machine in a haunted house. The water starts to raise up to his knees. 

“What is happening?”

“Wanda Maximoff, are you there?” You ask, and Billy feels real fear. Demonic ghouls start to claw at you, and you wince but ignore it. Their claws dig into your flesh and you bleed instantly. 

“Stop it…” Billy says, and he doesn’t know if he’s pleading to the demonic entities or to you. To end what he has wished for for so long. 

But you whisper now. A song you used to sing when you did this. 

‘There's a second wind coming

As we lie here in our bed

It rattles the bones of our fathers

Carries whispers from the dead

And you, you light a candle

And I make sure the bairns are fed

You turn the telly on

To drown out your fear

You make the bed up silent on the floor

So no one will hear us

You try so loud to love me

I cannot seem to hear

'Cause you, you touch

 ('Cause you, you touch)

My skin peels off like paint 

(My pain) ‘

You sing it and more dead start to crawl towards you and Billy. Billy’s blue magic buzzes like a beetle. As you sing the old song. Billy is crying again in horror of all of these diseased souls as they crawl all over your body. Billy can’t even see you, just smell the blood and hold your hands. They like you so much, and it’s obvious you are taking it instead of sharing it with Billy. 

But the souls seem to like the song, and they don’t bite your flesh anymore; they just cling to you. Their black decayed talons cut you everywhere. 

You sing louder, hoping Wanda will hurry up. The pain is too much. It hurts so bad, and Agatha isn’t here. And you try to show no fear.  

But you hope that they won’t take you today, drag you into the abyss. You want Rio to kiss your head, you want Agatha to whisper her love to you.

Instead, you feel the souls feasting on your flesh. 

But beneath all of our panting (All our)

There's this noise I cannot shake (Panting shame)

Can't you hear that scratching?

There's something at the door

But the wind has picked us up now

We're hanging in the air

And as you grip me like an animal

That you're about to spear

"Be good to me," I whisper

And you say, "What?"

And I said, "Nothing, dear"

Can't you hear it?

It can hear you

It wants me to

Throw the plate at the wall

Billy looks off into the distance and thinks he sees Wanda’s silhouette. He goes to let go of your hand and you hold tighter. He can’t leave, if he leaves they will consume his soul. You dig your nails into his hand and he struggles to run towards  his mother. 

Only as you look through the souls you know it’s not her. But you keep singing. Hoping you are wrong. 

You sing louder now. 

I'm the paper cut that kills you

I'm the priest that you ignored

I'm the touch you crave, I'm the plans that you made

But fuck all your plans I'm bored

And can't you hear that scratching?

I ask your eyes

I've got knuckle burn from typing all these lines into your chest

And as the belt from your buckle is tightening I make shipwrecks out of my dress

And the door below it splinters

And the creature creeps inside

“MOM!” Billy screams towards the figure. But you really don’t believe that it is her. You are almost completely sure of it now. A trick from the dead. 

 But only one way to find out. You must keep singing, keep the stupid channel open. Keep the souls on you, so that Billy won’t feel their angry claws. 

You have to see if it is the Scarlet Witch.

Billy deserves this chance, even if it kills you. You owe Wanda and Billy that much. So you grind your teeth and try not to let your voice waver even as you feel another ghoul slice into your soft tissue.  

And we fall into each other

The scratching grows so loud

Because that unwanted animal

Wants nothing more than to get out

And I scream, "What’s the time Mr Wolf?"

But you, you're blind, you bleat, you bare your claws

And you rip my ribcage open

And devour what's truly yours

And our screaming joins in unison

I cry out to the lord

'Cause if we join our hands in prayer enough

To God I imagine it all starts to sound like applause

Can't you hear it?

It can hear you

It wants me to…

Billy see’s the ghouls seem to be enjoying the music you sing now. Almost like a pacifier to a child. They are still attracted to you, and your siren song. But they hurt you all the same. 

Billy is scared, and he wishes now that he hadn’t said this was a good idea. Blood drips from your forehead down your eyebrow, and it hits the water. 

You sing still for Billy. 

The figure you hope to be Wanda is floating closer. 

And these plates they smash like waves

 Place your hand in mine

And on the wind it howls 

How long can this last?

But that second wind is coming, love, it's coming for all we own

And on the creature scratches, it doesn't know how to get out (Let me out)

And you, you follow philosophies

But me, I laugh I choke

"Well hello, my hollow Holofernes"

The song stops and Billy screams in horror as he see’s the devilish thing that is wearing something close to Wanda’s face. You end the spell, realizing the dead were just playing games with him. And he falls into your bleeding chest, you hold him tight. 

“I’m sorry Billy. I’m sorry she wasn’t there. I tried to call out, but the wrong thing answered back.” You winced as he held you tight, and blood ran down your neck, arms, legs, and stomach. The gaping wounds had you feeling lightheaded. It hurt, but nowhere near as much as the realization that Wanda hadn’t come. Billy shook against you in fear and horror at what had just happened. 

“I’m sorry! I’M SO SORRY! I should have listened! You are bleeding! I have to get Agatha and Rio. Oh fuck you are really hurt.” He says, and you take a sharp breath and it hurts to breathe. You cough and taste the blood in your mouth. 

“I stashed some beer by this bridge two weeks ago. Agatha and Rio will be here soon. They’ll feel me in trouble, let’s sit.” You instruct him on where you’d hid the beer in the stream. He finds it quickly and brings the two six packs over. 

You walk to the middle of the bridge and let your feet swing. He mirrors your action and sits. 

“You know..grief is a weird thing Billy…But you aren’t alone. You know that right?” You ask him as he kicks his boots next to yours, over the rushing bridge. He looks over the edge. 

“I forget sometimes, but I know you and Agatha and Rio and…our coven. They only want what's best for me.” He says it like it’s a foreign idea. But you hope he hears the truth in the words he’s saying. 

“Agatha didn’t want you to see any of that. That’s why she said no.” You had to mention that, it was important he knew. That all of this was from love, not fear. 

“Yeah, and she didn’t want you to get hurt, and you did…for me. It’s my fault.” Billy has more shame in his mind than ever before. You lift your bloody hand and put it on top of his. 

“You know, I told you so, it’ll be aimed at me, not you, right? I’m the shitty adult here.” You say, and Billy smirks at your lame joke. “Can you open a beer for me, I don’t think I can.” You say, and he nods and cracks one open, the foam head overflows, and he quickly puts it over the water, and it falls into the rushing river. But once it settles, he hands it to you, and it takes way too much effort to lift it to your lips. 

“Can I…I mean, can I have one?” He asks and you eye him. 

You knew this generation believed in being twenty-one to drink. But you weren’t born in this century. And Billy had just had a rather upsetting moment. If there was any time to drown your troubles, it was when you saw a demon wear your mother's skin like a Halloween mask. That would fuck anyone up. 

“Have you ever had alcohol before?” You ask, sorta already knowing the answer. But he shakes his head, no, he was still so young. But he’d just seen thousands of ghouls and done Darkhold-type of magic. 

You felt responsible for Billy on so many levels. You know Agatha did too. Hell the whole coven had adopted this queer kid. 

Lilia taught him how to cook good pasta. She showed him the best books for divination and always kept his favorite snacks at her apartment. Jen bickered with him like a big sister, but she also threw out all of his cheap self-care products and replaced them with her own. She painted his nails and let him pick trashy tv for the two to enjoy. She tried her best to remember Billy’s school drama. 

 Alice found out that Billy was sexually active, and she drove him straight to Planned Parenthood to get tested and educated. Alice picked him up from school many days. Even though Billy could drive himself, Alice understood that sometimes it was nice to have someone to talk to. So she found herself slipping totems of protection into his backpack. Often, Billy would forget to eat lunch, and Alice had a second sense for it. She bought him goth clothes when his parents didn’t. She was his protector. 

A coven group chat was made, and dinners turned into weekends together. 

But it was you, Rio, and Agatha who felt like his adopted parents. 

Billy had practically moved in. He talked to his parents still all the time and ate dinner there on Wednesdays. 

But around the time he turned nineteen, he showed up in your home with a bunch of boxes. And he never left. Life went on.

Eddie was so scared of Rio it was hilarious. She tended to hiss at him as he passed by. But Eddie really liked talking to you, and something about that made Agatha and Billy happy. You learned what Eddie liked to eat and invited him over for movie nights. You would snuggle in between Agatha and Rio on the sofa as Agatha picked yet, another documentary. Rio would wait until Eddie sat too close or put his arm around Billy and then she’s play a prank on him, making him see a spider on his hand. Or think he peed his pants. You’d slap Rio’s arm to have her stop it. 

Billy would apologize for his parents. 

At night’s Agatha would brew for Billy his nighttime tea, which helped him sleep. She slipped in something to stop the nightmares. She’d bought Billy need wool socks and done his laundry. She talked to him about magic yes, but somehow it always turned into Billy hugging Agatha and feeling better about life. 

You helped Billy with his college papers. Rio turned out to be very good at math. Which was good because Billy was in his first year of college, and you couldn’t keep up. 

It was a life, a life of tea and cuddling on the sofa. Of mornings when Rio would help wake Billy up with breakfast. You’d snuggle against Agatha’s neck for the last moments. You read books and weren’t so afraid of being hunted. 

 It was a fucking full life. One you never thought you’d be lucky enough to have. 

You didn’t mean to adopt him, but there was something about him…you saw Nicky, yes. But you also saw a lost boy. So when Rio started to sew up the big patches in Billy’s winter coat, the following year of him living with you. Or Agatha sat Billy down and cut his hair for the summer. It was clear to the three of you. Billy was yours. 

And you wouldn’t let him walk this life alone. 

So if boys got to drink their first beer with their dad…Well, I guess this was your moment. Rio would probably be bummed she wasn’t here to do it with you. 

But if you needed to be Billy’s Daddy, so be it.  

His eyes look up at you, full of adoration and trust. He was still so young.

 You were his family. He looked so sad at how injured you were, and you just smiled at him. Reaching out with a bloody hand to hold the underside of his chin, much like Agatha did. Before you dropped it. 

You nodded once towards the beers, and he quickly opened one. Drinking it at an alarming speed. 

______________________________ 

Agatha and Rio are running like they are possessed. Full out, they travel through the forest in search of you, knowing that you were in pain, that you were bleeding. It was enough to drive your wives into hysteria. 

They’d not even told the coven they were leaving. They had been doing the circle, convinced you would reach out with magic if you were in trouble. And then your magic dropped out of this realm. Rio’s body went cold and Agatha gasped in pain, they ran into the woods. Neither had shoes, neither spoke to the other. They simply ran in the direction of you. 

When they got to the bridge you were laying down and they both fell to their knees around you. 

You opened your eyes and then hiccuped. 

Rio’s hands were running over your body to see large wounds closing up. 

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?” Agatha snapped at you and Billy. 

“Rut Roe Mama’s maaaad at you!” Billy teased, and Rio eyed him and then grabbed the beer out of his hands. 

“Kid how many of these have you had?” Rio seethes and then looks down to see in fact yes, Billy and her wife were drunk. 

“Oye! I only let him have two! It’s not my fault hiccup I had to finish the rest!” 

Agatha looks down at all the empty beer cans around you.

“Mrs. Harkness, you are in so much trouble. They’ll write Shakespearian plays about how much trouble you are in!” Agatha’s voice was dangerous and you should be scared but you cup her face. 

“You are so hot when you are scary. Like damn, panties so wet. Absolutely wrecked!” You compliment, but every now and then you slur, and Rio isn’t quick enough to cover her grin. Agatha glares at Rio too now. Who tries to recover from her slip up. 

Billy makes a grossed out face at your comment. 

Headlights come into view and the four of you grow anxious that you are about to be found. But you see that it is Alice’s old Subaru Outback and she pulls up to the other end of the bridge. The lights stay on as they get out of the car. 

Jen is using her phone as a flashlight as she walks over with Alice. Lilia gets out of the backseat and has a big flashlight as they walk over to find the rest of their coven.

“Found you guys! Always so dramatic, you could have just told us and we could have driven here.” Jen says, but Alice walks over to Bill,y who’s looking a little sleepy. She puts her hands on his forehead to see if he’s ill. But she smells the beer on him and then reaches down to grab one of the empty cans. 

“You two got drunk? Harkness, you gave an underage witch alcohol on a full moon because?” Alice says, and you think how judgey she is sounding right now. Usually that’s Jen’s job, and as if on cue;

“Fuck Harkness, you drank our stash!” Jen says, and everyone looks at her, even Lilia shines the flashlight in her eyes. 

“Explain Kale,” Lilia says to the group. Always the mother of everyone. Jen looks annoyed at being mothered for a moment before fessing up, never one to go against Lilia. 

“Fine, whatever cat’s out of the bag now. Me and cute Harkness sometimes get tired of ya’ll being boring and we come out here and drink a beer. WAIT- Is that blood?” She shrieks and Lilia shines the light on you and you wince. 

“You are hurt?” Lilia’s tone is that of a concerned mother, and you feel bad as you hiccup. Agatha’s hands pull your tank top up. 

“Don’t worry…Death magic. They’re-re already healing.” You say and it’s true. You had enough of Rio’s powers in your own now. So you were healing very quickly, which was kinda cool. You went to drink the last of your beer and Rio stole it out of your hand. 

“Hey! That’s mine!” You whine and Rio hands the beer to Alice before grabbing your crusty blood blood-covered arm and placing it over Rio’s own neck. She easily tucked heer arm under your knees and then picked you up in a swift motion. Walking to Alice’s car, Agatha followed, not talking to Billy. 

“She’s mad at me….I hurt her wife..I hurt my dad…” Billy stage whispered in his intoxicated state. Alice tried to move her face away from the gross smell coming out of the young man's mouth. 

“Let’s get you back, you can sleep it off. And then I’ll give you my mothers hang over cure.” Alice says and runs her fingers through Billy’s dark curls. 

You lay against Rio in the back cab. Rio licks your neck, and it closes all the bi,g gushing wounds. Agatha holds your hand and glares at you for going against the rules. But you are too tipsy to argue. 

Jen get’s shotgun as Alice drives with her brights on, going through the woods. Lilia keeps her hand on the back of the seat and turns to Billy, who has his head out the window for the cool air to help him not puke. 

“Do you ever think about how stars are watching us?”

“Fucking virgin,” Jen mumbles only for Alice to slap her arm. 

“Do you think Beavis and Butthead were gay for each other?” Billy ponders more, and Lilia looks confused at the reference. 

“Two beers did this to him. He’s never gonna be able to go to a college party.” Jen whispers in the front only to get a glare from Alice. 

“Did Scooby act like a human for Shaggy or did Shaggy act like a dog for Scooby? Is that a trauma behavior?” Billy burped in the car, and you were already getting sobered up. Rio tending to your wounds made the alcohol leave your body. 

Agatha’s hand traced the veins in your arm. Almost like it was helping her keep calm. Not fly off the handlebars at you putting yourself in grave danger. And her powerless to stop you. You still remembered the day that she’d begged you, made you promise to never do it again. And you’d done it. 

And Agatha was livid. She couldn’t lose you. You saw all the thoughts passing through her but were powerless to apologize enough.  

“When we get back, can we watch Hocus Pocus?” Billy asked and Rio kissed  your head. As you blinked sleepily, your body was exhausted. Agatha was fuming but she just kept touching you. 

“You are so grounded Teen,” Lilia said for the whole coven. 

“No! Wait do we have any cans of chili at the cabin?” 

Jen scrunched her nose in disgust, and Alice thought about it, they might actually. 

“Oh man food, I’m starving.” You whisper as Rio let’s her lips rest on your bloody forehead. Your wives hands never leave your body, like they are paying respect to the thing that kept you alive. As if your bloody body had done them the biggest favor. 

“Can we make chili cheese fries? Oh no a corndog, wait no do we have burgers? Papa Rio makes the best burger, fuck no it’s late. Ok can I get chili cheese fries and then crush some funyuns on top. Nacho cheese or queso, whatever you got. Then I want a huge glass of Jen’s sweet tea and then…Oh shit do we have any dumplings?” Billy rambled thinking only with his stomach. 

Agatha’s eyes welled with tears in the back of the car. 

“Kiddo, this is your first time drinking, so let me give you a little tip. All you eat tonight, you will see tomorrow as you throw up. You really want to eat chili cheese fries?” Lilia asks, and she smooths his curls under her hand. Billy’s stomach grumbles loudly in the car as an answer. 

“We all gotta learn the hard way,” Alice says under her breath but Jen giggles.

“How old were you?” Jen asks and Alice doesn’t even have to think about it. 

“My mom’s drummer gave me vodka, moonshine, and Japanese plum wine in one night. I was so sick the next morning. And they threw me on the smelly tour bus. I threw up so many colors!”

Billy scrunched his nose like Wanda used to in disgust at the idea. 

You and your wives listened but didn’t speak. You reached out and grabbed one of Agatha’s hands. She read your mind as you silently apologized to her. You three had your own fight in the back. Agatha was so mad at you. Reminding you that the last time you’d done this you slept for five days and she thought you’d never come back.  

“My grammy used to only drink Sorel, and my mom lived off of very cheap rum. They used to give it to me to make me sleep on full moons. They said I got too hyped up. But the truth was I was just so excited to see what they were brewing. I’d try to fight it, but in the end I’d be asleep on the front porch. And when I woke the house smelled amazing and they’d made all of these amazing things.” Jen trailed off and looked out the window, her memories keeping her company. The smiles of women in her family who taught her the craft long ago, centuries gone, but never forgotten. 

Billy listened, and Lilia held his hand in the back of the car. The car jerked up on a particularly hard bump. 

“What about you, Lilia? When did you first get drunk? Was it good wine?” Jen guessed, knowing that she comes from deep Sicilian roots. 

Lilia chuckles at the memory. 

“The women of my coven used to take the rinds from the lemons and oranges in the grove. The ones we tended to, and they’d make them into liqueur. It was a big coven party every time as we made the alcohol for the whole year. Children would be fed sour lemons for the first time. Everyone would giggle as toddlers made silly faces at the sour taste. It was a very good time of year.”

Billy smiled at her memory, wondering what her coven would have been like. Minus the dying of a horrible fever part. He felt his drunken state moving from silly to self-reflective. 

“Of course, we would drink the booze so fast that we never made enough to last the whole year!” Lilia laughed, and even Rio chuckled a little at the idea of a young, intoxicated Lilia.

But you were still pleading with Agatha. And Rio’s hands softly turned your bicep over to see blood still coming out. So much of you to heal.  

“That was also the first time I kissed a girl. She tasted of limoncello and mint leaves. She was four years older than I and I was sure that my mother would disapprove.” Lilia thought out loud, skimming through her memories like a rock against the ocean shore.

“Did she?” Jen asked, turning in her seat as Alice drove, Billy had wanted to ask the same thing. He was fully engrossed in this love story. 

Rio tried to reason with Agatha whose tears hit your face. 

“My mother had her own lover on the side!” Lilia laughed at the memory before thinking back to that summer, “But I never got a chance to tell my summer love how I felt. She moved towns a month after we started our fling.” Lilia’s eyes turned positively wet with dreams of lost chances.  

The car came to a stop, everyone got out, and Rio lifted you into the house. Quickly getting you upstairs into the tub to help you. 

Billy was drunk but he turned to Agatha. 

“I’m sorry, you are..you are like my mo- I know I put Dad..I mean I know she’s hurt because of me and you were right- I’m just a dumb kid and I hurt her and-”

Alice came to try to stop Billy, as Agatha’s face twitched with rage at him. 

“Please, I’m sorry,” Billy said, and Alice steered him towards the house. 

“Come on, let’s give Agatha a minute and you can apologize when you are sober,” Alice says and Jen opens the door for Lilia and the two of them. 

But Billy turns and tears fall down his face at Agatha. 

“I-” but then he turns and vomits into the bushes. 

“Well that didn’t take long.” Jen cringed as the young man just kept blowing chunks. Alice guided him into the cabin, and Jen walked in too, but Lilia walked back out on the porch to speak to Agatha. 

Who was staring at the moon as she felt the need to set something on fire. 

“It’s a terrible feeling, isn’t it, to love so much? It’s one thing to fight the witch hunters after your wife. It’s hard when family hurts family. But you got a kid in there who’s very sorry. And you got a wife who’s slowly healing. Two people you love more than anything who need you. So Agatha Harkness, I think it’s time you get your ass inside, don’t you?” Lilia says and smiles, her silver hair shining in the moonlight.

[ghouljams]

I use AI chatbots, I feel so guilty about it but it's like a bad habit. I like the concepts of the characters and such and I like the roleplay but I know it's not good for multiple reasons. Every time I stop for a while I always end up going back to them. I love roleplaying but am completely and utterly afraid to find roleplay partners due to my interest in dead dove and more intense kinks also just general fear of meeting new people.

But I want to stop do you have any genuine advice? This is genuine, I feel like real people will just not be the same and the biggest issue is I used to be an avid roleplayer so I feel like I shouldn't be as shitty as to use ai and yet idk how to stop which sounds so stupid and as an adult I should be able to do better. I saw someone talk about quitting their ai addiction in another ask of yours and so I figured maybe you'd have judgement free advice though I also completely accept any judgement for it.

My first advice is to go scorched earth on the chatbots if you know you have a hard time staying away but you want to quit. Delete accounts, delete bookmarks, delete password and apps, get rid of all roads that could entice you back.

Second, write down your rp/bot ideas in a notes app, super basic or super detailed, whatever is in your brain when you get the itch. You can refine this later into a "seeking" post if you want to try and grab a human rp partner.

Now for your "intense kink and dddne" thing... literally a non-issue. There are guys on reddit right now having intense misogynist anti-feminist "deprogramming" rps with people right now, I'm pretty sure your cnc kink is not gonna raise any red flags. Roleplaying has always been a community where people go to explore kink in a safe environment. It's where you can act out fantasies of being vore-d the way you never could in real life. It's for the people that want to pretend they've been magically turned into a chunk of sidewalk so people can walk on them. Like you are totally fine and I wouldn't worry about it.

Lastly, go outside and find something to do. Genuinely ai is isolating you from the world and you will stop wanting that harsh dopamine hit if you go out and start talking to people/learning new things. And I know you said you're scared of meeting new people, but ai is not going to help you with that and that is a fear that genuinely needs to be overcome. New people are not any different from old people, you just don't know them. Everyone gets nervous around new people, everyone hopes that they're making a good impression, you're one in a crowd don't worry.

Sometimes you have to rip the bandaid off in order to quit something. Cold turkey is hard but I don't think there's really a way to ween off this sort of dopamine hit when your brain is already so fried by it. Good luck babe.

[fandomsandfears]

hey guys have i mentioned I love Palia? Decided to draw my player character / oc Neve Pinewood! I don't know asl myself so the finger spellings were based off some googling I did, let me know if I've used the wrong sign!

Anyways Neve is my pc! They're mostly a water type personality I think, though they have some tendencies for fire answers as well depending on the situation. (Mostly Auni, I feel the need to hype the kid up lol). They're courting Hassian and are close with Jina whose their shep!

They're a nerd whose enjoying the research they're doing through the ruins, though its an odd feeling to look at a past you don't remember but know was yours. They have a lot of complicated feelings about the whole reemergence. But they try to focus on the now, and being a good member of community!

Ramble more below the cut about them and their relationships for fun:

I think Never is deaf or at least hard of hearing in some way because I frequently play video games with the sound low or just off. So I think interpreting this as my character not usually being able to hear is fun. They have hearing aids though they don't always wear them, and they were a little flow fried after emerging from the riff.

Najuma has been allowed to tinker with the aids, though Hodari isn't thrilled that she's messing with medical equipment. But Neve doesnt see a lot of better options in the valley right now, and Najuma has done a decent enough job. Maybe they'll get comfortable enough to ask Subira for help.... but tbh they're not sure how to feel about her.

The first time their hearing aids were working properly they got to hear peoples voices really which was fun! Was not expecting Jel to sound like that though!! Really awkward out loud reaction to overhearing him speak tbh.

They can lip read fairly well, but they miss things a non infrequent amount (I as the player accidentally click through or skim dialogue and then end up having to guess what response I should have when given options whoops). They frequently choose to pretend they heard you perfectly fine and to awkwardly guess at a response, which is hit or miss, but the people who know them better have gotten better at realising when they're doing this thankfully.

They're fairly nonconfrontational and really just want the best for their friends and the village. They want everyone to be their best and try to understand people they don't normally agree with (Eshe). They're fairly polite and friendly, regardless of what they think of you, with the exception of Tamala as of recently seeing as she's crossed some lines with them...

They're a bit of a hoarder, never having enough chests for all their things. They're antsy about selling things in case someone needs something. They've getting better at finding things to sell if only to buy better storage lol. Their housing plot as a whole is just a MESS though, organized chaos at its finest.

I want to draw them and their interactions more tbh lol, I think their neat and I'm enjoying the game through them so :]

[cloudslou]

Abbi Pulling is on track for greatness

Abbi Pulling has a racing-related confession to make. “I've gotten worse at Mario Kart with age. Now I always lose,” the 22-year-old F1 Academy champion, whose go-to racer is Baby Yoshi, tells me. She’s quick to pinpoint her weaknesses though, as a racing driver would to their engineer. “I've not quite got the drifting right with the power boost,” she says. “And I always jump the start.”

Fortunately no such niggling console game difficulties exist when it comes to her actual driving skills. Pulling started racing actual karts when she was eight – taking a lead from her father, Andy, who used to race motorbikes – and has been winning titles ever since.

“When I excelled in my karting career, it was me and my dad,” she says. “He'd get the kart ready perfectly and we just knew how to communicate with each other.”

To get to where she is now, currently racing in GB3 Championship with Rodin Motorsport in a fully funded seat, Pulling has made her way up the motor-racing ladder, making a habit of winning, be it in Ginetta Junior, F4 British through to the W Series, which afforded her a big break in F1 Academy in 2023. In her house, one room is basically a shrine of trophies. “I don't know where you'd put them, I probably need a cabinet.” Instead, she’s prioritised something “probably actually cooler” than her trophy haul – a full huge oil painting by Paul Oz, a well known artist within motorsport. “It’s me celebrating a moment when I won the [F1 Academy] Championship,” says Pulling. It's frozen in time.”

It’s a moment that features prominently in Netflix’s new docuseries F1: The Academy, which is out this week. With Pulling’s championship-winning season set to get the attention it's due, we sit down to talk about her career to date, and the wild 12 months she’s just had. From run-ins with Brad Pitt trackside to hot laps with celebrities at Silverstone, it’s little wonder her Mario Kart form has gone off the boil.

GQ: How old were you when you first drove over 100mph?

Abbi Pulling: The first time I was probably 15, so I couldn't even drive on the road yet. People always go on about the acceleration and top speed, but for me that isn't the impressive part of motor racing. It's the cornering. You feel like a fighter pilot, because you pull loads of Gs, your whole body's getting thrown about.

Do you ever have to pinch yourself when thinking about what you’ve already accomplished in your career?

As a 22-year-old I feel like I've achieved so much and I'm really, really proud of that. It's been a whirlwind, especially last year, but there's still so much more that I want to go on to achieve. Winning F1 Academy and driving in GB3, all the hard work is paying off. It's the years where you're working so hard yet the results don't come, they're the ones that really mould you and make you a better athlete.

Last year, there was hardly a race where you didn’t feature on the podium. What does a season of success like that do for your confidence?

Having a year like last year proves you're capable of doing great things. Taking that forward into this year, I know I can compete at the front, especially in this [GB3] mixed category that I've stepped into. Boy or girl, I'm just a racing driver and want to show I can win and be the best.

Does it blow your mind how tiny the margins are between winning and losing?

It is amazing how all of us drivers get the car so close to the limit. It’s literally tenths if not hundreds of a second that divide us on the grid. We call it the tight rope. It's so easy to fall off of it, but whilst you're on it, you feel invincible. Hitting the brakes 3 per cent more or being delayed to the throttle by two metres can make such a drastic impact.

Why is it so important to have a women only championship?

A lot of people are against F1 Academy – they think it's segregation. I've grown up predominantly racing against lads so at first I thought I didn’t want to step away from that. But if it wasn't for F1 Academy, I would have stopped racing and wouldn't be going up the ladder. I'm a driver that has struggled with the financial side in the past but the F1 Academy kept my dream going. Without it, I wouldn't be doing this. This is what Susie is doing, helping so many females to continue racing or to get experience racing, ultimately getting us closer to Formula One. I owe a lot to Susie, I'm living breathing proof that it is working. Not only has it helped girls like me within it, it's helped girls watching that want to believe it could be them. They realise actually, it's not just a man's world – motorsport can be for anyone.

Do you feel like it’s another big win for women's sport?

Yes, as a whole women's sport is constantly on the rise and getting more popular. Everyone in their respective sports is amplifying that and being a part of that puzzle and creating the buzz around it. The Lionesses for example, I went to that [Euro 2022] final. What they did was such a big, big thing. The women's rugby team is doing well [ahead of the World Cup later this year] and then you've got the F1 Academy. This year there's 18 drivers, up from 16, so we’re showing what we can do, and what the younger girls that want to move up and go into it.

When you were growing up, how many girls were you racing against?

You'd get 200 drivers over a weekend in karting, there would be maybe four girls max. I was young and lived in blissful ignorance. If anyone did try to hurt my feelings like a lad at school or something, I didn't really care. Because I was there doing what I loved. And I thought at the end of the day they're probably just jealous. It was things like, Oh, I could beat you. I’d come back with, I don't think you realise what level I do this at. I do this at British Championship level.

When you were younger, did you come up against any drivers who are now in F1?

Gosh, yeah, I've driven with Ollie [Bearman] before, not directly raced against him. Same, I guess for Franco Colapinto, driven on a track with him before a few times. I might have actually raced against him.

Is it every motor racing driver’s dream to want to drive in F1?

We didn't want to go karting abroad, so probably at the age of 11 I started understanding what Formula 1 was, and started getting into that. By the time I was 15 I was like, I'd love to go into single-seaters down the Formula 1 route but it's very costly so we ended up deciding the GT route would be more realistic but since 2019 it's been full speed trying to go down the route to Formula 1. Any young driver sat here in a single-seater category would say the same but sometimes drivers can be so fixated on it and pass by opportunities that come about. I definitely am going to be open-minded if opportunities come my way. Maybe a stint in Formula E or WEC [World Endurance Championship], they're both two really, really prestigious championships, so to be racing in them would be really a great achievement.

You mention you struggled with the financial side of the sport. How so?

When I was 15, I started to understand the financial commitment that [being a racing driver] took and didn't want to put my family through any of that so at school I would sit in ICT and do sponsorship presentations when I wasn't supposed to be. Whenever I had access to a computer, I would be updating everything. And recently, any spare time I have, I do graphic design. I created my own little business digitally designing helmets. My own but also for other racers. I did some for Jessica Hawkins, Ben Barnicoat and Ferdinand Habsburg too.

Do you have a signature design?

Yeah, I really like a double pinstripe. It's just I've had it on a lot more recent helmets. I think it stands out, it's quite bold, but also makes it look quite tidy.

As a driver, do you have to know everything about the mechanics of the car?

You've got to have a good feel for what the car is doing, and you have to have a good enough relationship with your engineer. Their primary focus is to get the car in a better window for you, yours is to tell them what the car’s doing and where the good points and limitations are so they can balance that. You've got a drive through your bum is what they say. You feel your body moving and every little bump you go over. And if the car's twitching on the rear, you can feel it.

One of the stipulations of winning F1 Academy is you can’t return, right?

Yes, I can't go back to the championship, which I think is right. At the end of the day I'm there to try and keep progressing my career and move up the ranks. We've ended up going to GB3 and making the correct step in my career. Last year I didn't step off the podium once. So yeah, I graduated more than being kicked out.

Who from F1 congratulated you?

Esteban Ocon was really supportive and he reached out. And someone I didn't expect was Valtteri Bottas. Walking through the paddock, he stopped to congratulate me. He is a saint, Bottas, he's really nice.

What were some of the craziest things that happened to you as a consequence of winning?

I took Chloe Kelly around Silverstone. Mabel was so nice too, I did hot laps with her. Just rubbing shoulders with people like that, it is crazy. I don't think I'd ever have expected it but it just shows what F1 Academy is doing, getting the attention it deserves. It's the biggest thing I've achieved to date and it's been massive. I can't put it into words, and the attention that has come from it, and the support. And people that want to support me now this year. It is crazy to see in the last 12 months how much it has grown. The Netflix documentary that's coming out, that's going to increase the audience again.

Talk us through what it was like behind the scenes of filming F1: The Academy?

They filmed us for a bit in 2023 but I had no clue how big it was going to end up becoming. Going into 2024, we were told the film crew was gonna start following us around a lot more. Every race weekend we would sit down for 30 minutes with the production for recaps of what had just happened, feelings going into the race weekend and stuff like that. Then one question in Miami was ‘Who do you think this is going to be made for? And I was like, Netflix? The next week we had a sit down with Susie [Wolff] in Barcelona and she told us.

Did Susie Wolff have any tips for you?

Her advice was: show them your vulnerabilities, show them your strengths, and show them how hard you work. In Drive to Survive, there's a lot of politics within teams and drama, and there's so many more people involved. Whereas F1: The Academy is all about the journey [to becoming a driver]. There’s no engine or chassis differences like in Formula One so the racing is all down to the driver, which puts additional pressure on the driver.

It’s produced by Reese Witherspoon’s Hello Sunshine. How hands on was she?

Reese is a very busy woman so we never saw her trackside, but behind the scenes she was very involved in saying ‘let's do this’. I couldn't have thought of any better people [as Hello Sunshine] to be on board. I've seen Reese so many times on TV – Legally Blonde has got to be my favourite – then she’s stood next to me asking questions and being really interested in what I'm doing now. It’s mad.

What about the F1 movie starring Brad Pitt – did you clock much of the BTS of that too?

They literally did everything so low-key, you wouldn't even realise that they're there, to be honest. But I realised some of the people in the film I actually knew because some of the actual engineers were acting, which I thought was hilarious. I've worked with one of them before in the W Series. But when Brad Pitt walked down the paddock, there'd be a flock of people trying to get a photo of him – that's when you'd notice it.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently