#everything in life is complicated and its insane to not want to interact with that even a little bit. so you end up with creators who r

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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[iydiamartinx]

THIS MEANS WAR V

Dick Grayson x Reader x Jason Todd

divider by: @cafekitsune & @thecutestgrotto word count: 3k synopsis: Gotham’s youngest neuroscience lecturer never planned to get tangled up with two of its most eligible bachelors. Both are determined to win her over—without revealing they know each other… or that they’re vigilantes. But when the Joker takes an interest in her, things get a whole lot more complicated. a/n: This might’ve been one of my favorite chapters to write so far—I had way too much fun with it  Also, not sure if everyone caught my earlier heads-up, but I’m currently on vacation! This is a scheduled post, and I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to interact while I’m away. I will catch up once I’m back though! You can check out my little announcement here, for more info on when posts are scheduled and how long they’ll keep coming. The taglist will most likely be on pause until I return, but feel free to let me know if you’d still like to be added—I’ll make sure to include you in later chapters once I’m back!

OUTSIDE THE GOLDEN CUP

You were fully ready to go home and forget Jason Todd ever existed—maybe even bitch about him to Milo and Anthony over some wine, when you caught sight of the last two people you wanted to see.

They were strolling your way, all smiles and casual affection, like some goddamn ad for moving on. Jake laughed at something she said, and you watched—horrified, frozen—as he brushed her hair back with the same hand that used to trace your jaw.

Your breath caught.

No. No, no, no.

“Oh my god,” you muttered under your breath. “This is not happening right now.”

They hadn’t seen you yet, but it was only a matter of time. And you couldn’t do it again—you couldn’t be the girl standing alone while your ex showed off his new life like it was a goddamn prize he won by throwing you away.

You refused to give him that satisfaction.

So you did the first thing that came to mind.

You turned around and bolted after Jason.

“Wait—come back here!”

He turned, confusion flickering across his face as you reached out and grabbed his arm. “What the hell—?”

You barely let him finish.

“I need you to kiss me,” you hissed.

Jason stared at you like you’d sprouted a second head. “What? No!”

“Just kiss me!”

His brow furrowed in complete disbelief. “Why would I kiss you? Are you—are you insane?”

You glanced over your shoulder—Jake was looking this way now—and panic flared hotter.

“I’m serious!”

He leaned back slightly, like he was trying to decide if you were testing him or genuinely unwell. “Absolutely not. You’re completely bipolar.”

You let out a desperate, frustrated sound and grabbed him by the collar before he could protest further—then yanked him down and slamming your lips against his.

You kissed him.

Hard.

He froze.

But only for a moment.

His grip slid instinctively to your waist, and he kissed you back with a heat that knocked the breath out of you. His mouth was warm, confident, a little possessive. Infuriating as he was, Jason Todd could kiss. 

Your fingers curled tighter in his jacket as the world fell away. For one dizzying second, you forgot Jake existed. Forgot why you were doing this. Forgot everything except the heat of Jason’s mouth on yours and the steady grip of his hands anchoring you in place.

Then—

“Y/N?”

Your name cut through the haze like a slap of cold air.

You pulled back, breath catching in your throat, lips tingling. Jason didn’t move. His mouth was still inches from yours. His gaze flicked to your lips, then up to your eyes, like he was debating whether he should kiss you again—reasons be damned.

Jake’s voice came clearer now, closer. “Y/N.”

You turned toward him, feigning surprise like you’d only just noticed. “Oh!” you gasped—more breathless than you meant to be, though that only worked in your favor. “Jake! Wow, what are the odds of running into you again?”

He smiled, but it was thin, the kind that hovered somewhere between forced and insincere. “Yeah. Funny coincidence. Who’s this?”

You forced a bright smile, even as you felt Jason’s stare drilling into the side of your face, sharp enough to make your skin prickle.

“Jason—my boyfriend,” you said, pitching your voice higher than usual. “You remember, right? The doctor I told you about? We met at that neuroscience conference.”

Jason still hadn’t moved. Still hadn’t stopped glaring. Your nerves were fraying with every second of silence, mentally begging him not to ruin this. Not to humiliate you.

Then, finally, he shifted.

Jason turned toward Jake and Hannah with a grin that was all charm on the surface—and nothing but sharp edges underneath. “Jason Todd,” he said, extending his hand.

Jake hesitated, then reached out. The second their palms met, Jason’s grip tightened just enough to make a point.

Jake winced.

“Jake,” he replied, trying not to sound rattled. “You’ve got a strong grip. So… you’re a neurosurgeon?”

You resisted the urge to groan. Three years of dating, and Jake still hadn’t figured out the difference between a neurosurgeon and a neuroscientist.

“Scientist,” Jason corrected smoothly, not missing a beat. “Same as Y/N. We work together—and I have to say, she’s a brilliant woman.”

Jake’s smile twitched, strained at the edges. “Yeah she is.” he agreed more out of the sake of agreeing rather than actually believing it.

“Oh wow, that’s so amazing,” Hannah gushed, completely sincere. “A couple that’s both gorgeous and smart? Total power duo.”

You didn’t miss the way Jake’s jaw ticked at that. His smile faltered.

Jason, of course, leaned into it with practiced ease.

“Ah, Y/N’s the amazing one,” he said, glancing down at you with a look so convincingly tender your stomach flipped. “I don’t know what I love more—getting to work beside her or waking up every morning knowing she’s mine.”

Your cheeks flushed, heat blooming beneath your skin.

God. He was good at this.

“He’s such a charmer,” you laughed, sharing a quick smile with Hannah before turning to Jason with a soft shake of your head. “If anything, I’m the lucky one.”

He crinkled his nose. “God, I love you.”

“I love you,” you giggled—at the exact same time.

Jake blinked, clearly caught off-guard, his expression faltering. His mouth opened like he might say something—then shut again, silent for once.

You weren’t sure who moved first, but suddenly his lips were on yours again, gentler this time. Your fingers curled around his jacket instinctively as your body leaned into his without thinking. When you finally pulled back, you let out a breathless laugh, resting your head against his chest.

“We’re really happy,” you told Jake and Hannah, your voice light, breezy, too casual for how hard your heart was pounding.

Jason nodded, keeping you close with a hand settled snugly at your waist. “We are. But then again—who wouldn’t be happy with her? She’s got the brains, the beauty… even the brawn. Did you know she was a gymnast in high school?”

Jake stiffened. His frown appeared, vanished, then locked into place. “No. I didn’t.”

Jason’s grin turned wicked. “Didn’t think so.”

You gave a slightly awkward smile, not having expected him to bring that little detail up. “Yeah… he likes to brag,” you said with a giggle, reaching up to lightly slap his cheek in a silent shut up.

Jason just laughed, eyes dancing with mischief. “Ooh, feisty—I love it. My girl’s such a wildcat.”

And then, to your horror, he emphasized the point by bringing his large palm down on your ass in a quick, confident smack.

You let out a startled squeak. “Jason!”

He grinned, entirely unrepentant. “Sorry. I just can’t get enough of you.” Then he turned to the other two with a grin that was anything but apologetic.

Jake looked like he was rethinking every life choice that led him to this moment.

But Hannah?

Hannah sighed like she’d just watched the final scene of a rom-com. “That’s so romantic,” she breathed, practically glowing. Her eyes were glued to Jason, dreamy and starstruck, like she’d just mentally cast him as the lead in every fantasy she’d ever had.

You blinked.

Jason smirked.

And Jake looked one second away from combusting.

He shifted awkwardly, clearly itching to escape. “Well. It was nice seeing you, Y/N. And… meeting you, Jason.”

Jason’s eyes gleamed with amusement. “You too, Josh. We gotta run.”

Jake blinked. “It’s… Jake.”

“Oh.” Jason tilted his head, feigning surprise. “Right. Jake. Sorry, man. So many J names floating around in my life lately.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, hard, doing everything you could not to burst out laughing.

“It was really nice meeting you,” Hannah said sweetly, clearly trying to smooth things over.

Jason turned to her like she was the only person in the world. “The pleasure was all mine,” he said, catching her hand with gallant ease.

Then—of course—he bowed slightly and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand like he was stepping straight out of a period drama.

Hannah flushed instantly, caught somewhere between flattered and utterly frazzled.

Jake’s frown sharpened, but he forced a brittle smile. “Oh look at that. A kiss on the hand. Classy.”

“You are so lucky,” Hannah whispered to you with starry eyes. And she meant it. The poor girl was enchanted.

You gave a polite, noncommittal smile. “I know.”

Jake clearly had enough. He tugged Hannah’s hand a little too firmly. “Enjoy your night.”

“Oh, we will,” Jason replied, already wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you snug against him like he’d been waiting all night for an excuse. As the couple turned to walk away, Jason called out, sweet as syrup, “See ya, Justin!”

“It’s Jake!” came the snapped reply from halfway down the block.

Jason grinned, satisfied. Like a cat full of cream and mischief. His eyes still sparkled as he watched them disappear around the corner.

Then Jason turned to you, expression flat, voice bone-dry. “So. Want to tell me what the hell that was?”

You let out a slow breath, brushing your hair out of your face as the adrenaline finally started to fade. “An emergency.”

He arched a brow. “That’s not how normal people handle emergencies.”

You snorted, the tension finally beginning to unravel from your spine. “I’m not normal. You of all people should know that.”

He chuckled, the sound low and warm. “That’s one word for it.”

Your mouth twitched, and you looked up at him, expression softening. “Thanks, by the way. Really.”

A sly smile curved across his lips as he cupped a hand behind his ear. “Sorry—what was that? This ear’s a little deaf.”

You huffed, but it came with a reluctant smile. “I said thank you. Thank you. You don’t have to be annoying about it.”

He grinned, but this time there was something softer behind it. Something genuine. “You want to try this again? Start over. We could grab a bite—your pick.”

You hesitated, teeth tugging at your bottom lip.

Then he added, “You do owe me an explanation for… whatever that was.”

You sighed, shoulders slumping. He wasn’t wrong. You had, technically, assaulted him with a surprise kiss and roped him into a soap opera without warning. The fact that he went along with it—without throwing you to the wolves—definitely earned him a second chance. And probably dessert.

“Come on—I know a café just down the street. Cozy, quiet, not too many people. Coffee that’s actually good,” you added, shooting him a teasing look over your shoulder, “and the pastries are amazing.”

CAFÉ NERO

“…and I packed up everything,” you said, fingers tracing the rim of your iced coffee. “Turned down a position at STAR Labs. All to move back here with him.”

You took a sip, using the taste of the cold overly sweet liquid to ground you for a second.

“Few months later, I found him in our bed with his yoga instructor.”

Jason winced. “Damn.”

You gave him a rueful grin. “You can say it. I’m an idiot. Three PhDs, I literally study the brain—and I still didn’t see how much of a tool he was.”

Jason shook his head. “You’re not an idiot. You were in love. Love’s great at messing with the parts of the brain that normally warn us about red flags. Doesn’t make you dumb. Just makes you human.”

Your gaze softened at his surprisingly insightful words. “He just wasn’t the guy I thought he was. It feels like… a mistake.”

Jason leaned back, his tone more certain. “I don’t believe in mistakes.”

You gave him a look, amused. “That’s a very convenient philosophy for someone like you.”

He smirked. “Maybe. But it’s the mistakes that shape us. Break us down, sure. But they also build us. They brought you back here, didn’t they?”

You blinked, considering. “Would you rather be back in Central City?” he asked.

“Surprisingly… no.” You glanced out the café window, watching the Gotham streets pulse with life. “For all its chaos, Gotham was—is my home. I love my place and my best friends live across the hall.”

“And you like your job,” Jason added.

“I love my job,” you agree, thinking about all the brilliant sleep deprived lunatics you taught and worked with.

He shrugged. “So there you go.” Then, watching you mull it over, his smirk softened. “Just saying.”

You arched a brow, lips twitching. “That’s dangerously close to sounding wise.”

“I have my moments,” he smirked, then quoted, almost under his breath,“‘We all have a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.’”

You blinked. “Wait—what was that?”

Jason took a slow sip of his drink, expression suspiciously innocent.

“No way!” You gasped “That’s Pride and Prejudice.” You pointed a finger at him, eyes lit with amusement. “That’s a direct quote.”

He didn’t deny it. Just smiled. “You sure?”

“Yes!” you laughed, practically bouncing in your seat. “That’s Elizabeth. Talking about trusting your own judgment. I wrote a whole damn paper on it in high school!” You leaned forward, studying him like he was a puzzle you’d only just realized you wanted to solve. “How do you know that quote?”

“Maybe I just appreciate the classics,” he said, trying for nonchalance—but the faint flush rising in his cheeks betrayed him.

You squinted at him. “How many times have you read it?”

He shrugged. “I’ve lost track.”

His flush deepened, blooming up his cheeks now, and you couldn’t stop the grin that tugged at your lips.

“You’re blushing.”

“I am not.”

“You so are.”

“It’s good,” he defended, a little sheepishly. “Austen didn’t just write about romance. She wrote about perception. Power. How we lie to ourselves and convince ourselves we’re right—until someone challenges us.”

You tilted your head, watching him with new eyes—seeing a side of him that didn’t quite fit the arrogant bad boy persona you’d so easily pinned him with. Maybe he was right. Maybe you had been too quick to assume. He hadn’t exactly made the best first impression, sure—but you hadn’t given him much of a chance to prove otherwise, either. The truth was, you’d both misjudged each other. Different shades of the same mistake.

“It’s not just Darcy and Elizabeth dancing around their feelings,” he went on. “It’s how pride isolates you. How prejudice can ruin things before they even begin. It’s about waking up to your own flaws and doing something about them.”

“Wow,” you murmured, genuinely impressed. A smile tugged at your lips. “Okay. That was… borderline profound.”

He chuckled, looking a little self-conscious. “I read it when I was younger. Thought I was a Darcy type.” He paused, then added dryly, “Turns out I was more of a Lydia.”

You choked on your drink. “Lydia?!”

“Metaphorically,” he said, raising his hands. “Reckless. Stubborn. Thought I knew everything and didn’t need anyone.” He shrugged, eyes twinkling. “But don’t worry, I’ll still be the Darcy to your Elizabeth.”

“That is so cheesy.” You giggled. “I still can’t wrap my head around the face that you’re a closet Austen fan.”

“Don’t go telling people,” he said with a crooked grin. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

“Too late,” you teased. “I’m never letting this go.” A smile lingered on your lips as you shook your head in disbelief. “And here I thought you were all leather jackets and terrible flirting.”

Jason leaned in, forearms braced on the table, eyes glinting. “Maybe I just needed the right Elizabeth Bennet to call me out.”

You raised your cup, matching the spark in his gaze. “You’ve got a long way to go, Mr. Darcy.”

His smirk deepened. “Challenge accepted.”

Now that you weren’t arguing or making assumptions about each other, the date had gone… surprisingly well.

More than well, actually.

You found yourself genuinely enjoying Jason’s company—his sharp wit, his unexpected depth, and the fact that, beneath the leather and bravado, he was a total literary nerd. Not only could he keep up when you started debating themes and structure, he actually challenged you. Matched your pace with insight and humor.

It reminded you—just a little—of how Dick had been able to keep up when you started rambling about science. The way he hadn’t just nodded along, but asked questions. Listened.

You tried not to think about that. Tried not to dwell on the small, unwelcome flutter of disappointment still lingering in your chest over the fact that he hadn’t texted you back. Maybe he got busy. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. You brushed it off and pulled your focus back to Jason, who, to his credit, hadn’t given you a single reason to walk away again.

What were the odds, anyway? Two gorgeous, intelligent men—both with sharp minds and devastating smiles—taking you out in the span of a few days. 

You hadn’t even noticed how much time had passed until you glanced outside. The streetlights had flickered on. Gotham was slipping into night—where the real chaos lived. The two of you had been talking for far longer than an hour, and while your brain wanted to stay planted in that booth, you’d learned your lesson.

You stood reluctantly, gathering your things as the last traces of sunlight slipped out of Gotham’s skyline. Juan glanced up from where he was wiping down the counter and sent you a knowing grin.

“Can I expect no more order for one?”

You glanced toward the door, where Jason was already there, holding it open with one hand, waiting. Then back to Juan, smirking. “We’ll see.”

Juan chuckled softly. “He’s good man, Doctora.”

You smiled, warmth creeping into your chest. “Yeah,” you said, eyes drifting back to the door. “I think he really is.”

Outside, the air was cooler now but neither of you seemed to mind, wanting to drag out the moment for just a few more minutes.

Jason paused beside you on the sidewalk, hands in his jacket pockets. “So,” he asked, voice casual but eyes watching you closely, “what’s the verdict?”

You tilted your head, lips curling into a smile. “The verdict is… I actually had a lot of fun. And I wouldn’t mind doing this again.”

Something that looked suspiciously like relief flickered across his face before settling into a crooked, satisfied grin. “And here I thought I might have to crash another one of your lectures.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “You were insane for doing that.”

He shrugged, entirely unrepentant. “Worked, didn’t it? Got me a date with you.”

You grinned, warmth blooming in your chest despite yourself.

The two of you exchanged numbers and say your goodbyes. Jason offered one last wink before turning and disappearing into the crowd like he belonged to the night.

You made it home in one piece—miraculously not mugged or emotionally spiraling—kicked off your shoes, and flopped onto the couch with a satisfied sigh. Then you checked your phone.

One unread message.

Your eyes widened as you saw the name on the screen.

Dick Grayson

Hey, sorry I haven’t texted sooner. Got caught up with an emergency. Let me know when you’re free for that second date.

Your stomach dropped.

Oh. Shit. You were so screwed.

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Taglist: @mei-simp, @sept3mberchild, @a-brilliante-mariposa, @feralwolfkat, @mercuryathens, @beepboopcowboy, @lordbugs, @coffeemin, @nikkeora, @yuyuti02

[spotlight-if]

Lights, Camera…Chaos.

[PLAY HERE] (October 23rd, 2024) Act 1, Chapter 1, 64.2k words.

For as long as you can remember, your dream has stayed the same—you want nothing more than to make it as an actor in Hollywood. After years as an overlooked, overworked talent, your big break comes from an unlikely source. And it’s one that changes everything, for better or worse.

Hollywood is its own character within this world—sometimes it loves you, sometimes it wants nothing more than to see you crash and burn. Navigating this ever changing landscape while balancing your own interpersonal relationships is only half the challenge. The other half is memorizing your lines.

Navigate the red carpet, bloodthirsty paparazzi, cut-throat tabloids and complicated relationship dynamics with A-list celebrities (who may or may not be completely insane.)

But, hey: isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?

Key Features:

- Customize your Actor: are you a classic Hollywood heartthrob? An eccentric and unconventional recluse? Are you kind and genuine despite the fame, or a cutthroat diva with undeniable talent?

- Navigate scandal, paparazzi, and stan culture: dodge or embrace the flashing lights. Interact with your fans, or distance yourself from them for your sanity. Wait—who are they shipping your character with?

-Build your legacy: choose between the stability of superhero blockbusters or turn into an indie darling. Or, maybe forgoe both to become a household name in the horror genre.

- Network and build relationships: whether they’re manufactured by your well-meaning publicist or spawned from real feelings, forge dynamic and ever changing relationships with other industry icons.

- Try to manage your mental health: the dark side of the industry lurks in every corner—the highs are high, but the lows are ever lower.

Characters:

Kendall Mays (gender selectable)—ever the loyal best friend, Kendall followed you into the throes of showbiz without hesitation. From fighting over toys on the playground to helping you run lines for a major motion picture, you can always count on them to have your back. That is, before they met Mason—their ever-present boyfriend who demands more and more of their time. You were never that great at sharing.

[Note: Kendall is not a romance option.]

Sutton Foster (he/him, she/her)—child star turned award winning powerhouse. Sutton Foster has everything an actor could want—well, minus the countless stays at rehab centers around the world. It’s undeniable that Sutton is a generational talent, but what’s even more notable is their messy personal life. You yourself have been caught in Sutton’s gravitational pull, once upon a time. The question lies in whether or not you’ll pull yourself away.

Wyn Grace (he/him, she/her)—on stage, Wyn is electric. The same cannot be said for Wyn off-stage. The lead singer of the up-and-coming Indie band is struggling with their meteoric rise to fame. As the awards pile up and the crowds get bigger, Wyn is unraveling at the seams. All they wanted to do was make music with their friends, but the fame makes them reconsider it all.

Lex Moreau (he/him)—an older, award-winning director with an…eccentric disposition. Yet despite his volatile nature and obsession with perfection, anyone who’s anyone would kill to work with him. Lex is always in search for a muse, a great beacon to pour all of his artistic vision into. And now, he thinks he’s found that in you. Lucky you?

[C is a conditional character, only appears based on choices you make.]

Carlo/Carmen Mencina (gender selectable)—C is harder to pin down than a stable acting gig in LA. When you’re together—it’s kismet. The problem lies in when you’re apart. C’s frequent disappearances abroad leave a bad taste in your mouth, and when a shocking truth comes to light, it’s not just your relationship in the spotlight—it’s your life, too.

Flings and other mini-romances will be available as well. But these I will let be revealed as the story progresses.

When writing this game, I knew what themes I wanted to focus on, and the care/detail needed to do so. Hence, this game is strictly 18+.

TW: death, substance abuse, suicide, bullying, explicit language, violence, and explicit (skippable) sexual content.

Thank you for reading my intro! Reblogs are welcome, and my ask box is open (:

And major thank you @thecutestgrotto for the gorgeous headers!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: february 2025

I can't believe that with all the bullshit nonsense of this year I've managed to read ten book a month for two months in a row. it's not on purpose but it's crazy that it's happened twice!

what have I been reading?

The Art of Frugal Hedonism: A Guide to Spending Less While Enjoying Everything More (Annie Raser-Rowland w/ Adam Grubb, 2017; audiobook read by Alice Ansara, 2024) - this was my first audiobook, and it was a doozy. the short version is that this book sucked and made me so, so mad. I really hoped to have my scathing haterade-fueled review up on patreon by now so that I could link it, but that hasn't panned out because I just have too much to say about these out of touch cunts offering the world's least qualified financial advice. "just take a leisurely twelve hour hike to a train station instead of going on vacation" kill yourself!!!

The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality (Amanda Montell, 2024) - I quite liked Montell's previous book, Cultish, but unfortunately I fear Magical Overthinking was a bit of a flop for me. I can't help but feel that the ideal target demographic is extremely anxious women in their teens and early 20s who need a compassionate explanation of why they should spend less time on Twitter and TikTok, and I'm afraid that shrimply isn't me.

The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World (Robin Wall Kimmerer, 2024; audiobook read by the author) - this was, unintentionally, a lovely little counterpoint to Frugal Hedonism. where Raser-Rowland and Grubb focus deeply on individual consumption habits and have a bad penchant of commodifying human interaction, Potawatomi botanist Kimmerer emphasizes the need for structural environmental change that can come by embracing Indigenous models of viewing the earth and its resources as members of crucial members of the family deserving of respect. a thoughtful and lovely balm to the bullshit!

My Year of Rest and Relaxation (Ottessa Moshfegh, 2018) - a book about the original queen of giving us nothing, as our protagonist goes to increasingly drastic lengths to spend as much time as possible asleep and disengaged from anything more complicated than acquiring more prescription pills. what can I say? I love books about miserable rich white women rotting in their own self-absorption.

Don't Want You Like a Best Friend (Emma R. Alban, 2024) - this was my patreonites' pick for my romance novel of the month, and I'll admit I went in nervous - historical romance novels are often not my thing, and the Taylor Swift lyric for the title was a red flag. but you know what? this was a romp. I was entertained. dare I say I was even charmed. sure, it falls into the common historical queer romance pitfall of emphasizing the vague threat of period-typical homophobia while assuring us that every important character just so happens to be startlingly cool with homosexuality, but whatever - I didn't come here to see these girls get hatecrimed by their own parents, alright? I wasn't planning to read the sequel, but it turns out it's a VERY direct follow up where the girls from this book hatch an INSANE plan to (SPOILER ALERT) get their male cousins to fall in gay love so that they can lavender marry each other's cousins and live happily ever after. INSANE! I love it here.

Dawn (Octavia E. Butler, 1987) - on the one hand, I'm a little heartbroken. this marks the beginning of the last of Butler's series that I haven't read; after Adulthood Rites and Imago, I'll have read everything she published in her too-short life, with no new works to look forward to ever again. but on the other hand: MAN, am I glad I saved this one for last. this book has it all: humanity's near-extinction. aliens. psychic tentacle threesomes. maybe the biggest L that any of Butler's heroines ever took. it's wild out here! cannot wait to see where we're going with this.

Iron Widow (Xiran Jay Zhao, 2021) - this was a reread to prep for the sequel, Heavenly Tyrant, which came out in December, and MAN am I glad I decided to check back in with the first book. I really thought I remembered the broad strokes of the plot well enough, but I really did not remember just how blood-spittingly bugfuck viscous Zetian and her two boyfriends are. of the three people in this throuple, the nicest one is the guy who murdered his brothers and dad in cold blood. and I think that's awesome! cannot wait to see what these absolute freaks are up to now, and my hold cannot come into the library quickly enough.

Pardon My Frenchie (Farrah Rochon, 2024) - okay. listen. on paper I shouldn't like this book. the male love interest is boring at best and a full-blown shithead at worst. the biggest driver of the plot is the love interests' dogs going crazy levels of viral. the sex is minimal and nothing to write home about. and yet. AND YET. our female lead, Ashanti, is simply so charming and earnest and plucky that I adored her immediately. girl lost both her parents on the same day, had to drop out of veterinary school to raise her twin younger sisters, and is struggling to run the world's most plush doggy day care AND run a successful side business selling homemade dog biscuits. truly I just want anything to go right for her, ever. she's never even been eaten out prior to this book, and that makes me so, SO sad for her. I may not like her boyfriend, but at least he'll get her off, and that counts for something. overall, it's Ashanti's storyline about learning how to prioritize what's important to her and let some obligations go instead of clinging madly to everything that really got me through and won me over. plus, this book bypassed by usual kneejerk dislike of obnoxiously cutesy plot device pets in romance novels by making the dogs actually completely integral to the story and the characters - Ashanti is hugely defined by her adoration of every dog she meets - in a way that I really enjoy. will I read the upcoming sequel, Pugs and Kisses? fuck it. maybe.

White Feminism: From the Suffragettes to Influencers and Who They Leave Behind (Koa Beck, 2019) - Beck's book falls in a really sweet spot of building very well on a lot of feminism 101 to actually meaningfully discuss new concepts without being redundant. okay, yes, you've heard "white feminism" is bad, but do you know why? Beck has some of the most well laid-out explanations I've ever encountered, thoroughly detailing the ways in which white feminism reject collectivist anti-capitalist action in favor of individual advancement within the status quo. plus there is, as promised, a great historical throughline, contrasting the actions of historical middle and upper class white feminists against those of actions largely headed up by women who are Black, brown, Jewish, and/or immigrants who served entire communities. the takedown of "lean in" office girlboss culture is particularly killer.

Acts of Service (Lillian Fishman, 2022) - a short novel, ideal for reading in a couple hours if you love mess and happen to be trapped in various airports and flights with not much else to do! I was expecting another entry in the obnoxiously disaffected young woman genre and was pleasantly surprised by how curious and engaged our protagonist, Eve, actually is! much like Edie of Luster, I think she's gonna be alright once this deranged throuple situation blows over. ultimately I don't know if the conclusion of the novel hit for me as well as Luster did, and when I got to the end of the book I did kind of find myself going damn... and what was the point of all that? I have no idea, but it was well-crafted and I'm glad that I didn't read this like six months ago because it probably would have killed me with toxic horny poisoning at that point in my life. I'm normal now.

[stanley-rocket]

Hey, man, sorry I've been distant lately it's just that I've been thinking about how both Klaasja and Jean are introduced while in the Whirling-in-Rags and disguising themselves as a blond and thinking about the similarities and differences between how they both interact with Harry but essentially what they're doing is hiding themselves from him (Klaasja, hiding from what he represents as an officer of the law and Jean hiding from him on a personal level) and thinking about how the two of them never even meet but they really do make very good mirrors to each other where their backgrounds and identities are different, but it's landed them in a weirdly similar space for a very brief point in time but its such a small connection but also now I'm thinking about how Klaasja's also a sort of mirror to Doloris Dei and the Ex-Something with all of them having this sort of horror and mystery surrounding them but a big part of that is the fact that they're women and meanwhile Harry doesn't really think of Jean a whole lot more than "huh I'm pretty sure I know this guy from somewhere" even though he's been with him for years god Harry is really really weird about women specifically but that's also probably why the women who Harry is explicitly attracted to end up being the most interesting characters in the game and even though I'm not as obsessed with Jean as some of the other people in this fandom seem to be, I wonder if I'm not thinking too deep about him by interpreting a relatively surface level understanding we get of him in game as him being a kind of counter to the other characters we meet which gets me back to thinking about the disguises and how Jean isn't someone we (or at least me on my run) got to learn a lot about, but meanwhile we get Klaasja who we hear bucketloads about and has an insane and complicated personal life but by the same token we can't even really trust everything about her to be true and part of that is implied by the fact that even her appearance is manufactured in some ways, would Jean's crappy disguise also symbolize how the resentment he feels towards Harry and this rougher exterior he has is a pretty flimsy coverup for the feelings of genuine care he has for him but maybe it's not even that deep or maybe everyone else already knew that, thats the hard part about thinking about art because I just want to say anything that pops into my head about it but it might be something so obvious or I could just be talking out of my ass but isn't that something that Disco Elysium forces us to think about I mea

[ofeliaxoxo]

it's entirely ok if you're not doing the Director's Cut asks anymore, in which case i'd just like to also show my appreciation for this part of ‘never got that ferrari’:

The problem, maybe, is that Carlos is gay. Or, he acts gay. He doesn’t realise he acts gay but he does, always grasping at other people and making a scene. Things can get confused. Hell, the Williams guys are already obsessed with him, almost as obsessed with him as the friends he brings everywhere like some sort of entourage, the flock of devoted cousins or wherever he gets them. He exerts a force on people. Maybe it’s the confidence of lifelong money. Anyone would get confused.

i love your characterization for charles to begin with, but this string of thoughts is also just hilarious to boot and it really drives home how nonsensical he can get about carlos due to the feelings he won't own up to (though, honestly, for all his insanities he was lowkey cooking here...)

anyways, i love your works so much and i'm glad to have you in the charlos community 💞💞 thank you for all that you do and please never stop yapping! i'm here for all of it

thank you so much omg youre so lovely xxx

I am answering them still! i love getting asks i made this blog solely to have fandom chats w people and respond to comments or questions. all my f1 rpf energy needs to go somewhere.. ye can fully always send me asks related to things even if its not a super recent post i like to interact w ppl about these things

yeah honestly for how skewed charles is in just about everything throughout the fic, its not like hes always wrong either. hes perceptive about a lot of his relationships and the people around him but the one with carlos is so much more difficult/challenging to his life that it cant be faced.

"Things can get confused." was meant to suggest what we find out later, which is that hes been in it the entire time. he knows at least somewhere in there that his feelings for carlos are something else, but it's easier just to label them as confusion and move on.

i put in the bit about lifelong money and how that would shape carlos's forcefield/relationship to having a devoted harem because although they are both infinitely rich and charles atp most likely has more money, i think IF either one of them were to think about the difference in their backgrounds (which i dont think they necessarily would) it would be charles. carlos comes from a very specific economic and cultural niche and that shapes you. and charles is aware of that. hamlets typewriters monkeys etc hes casting about for things to explain his own feelings to himself and getting it completely wrong but there does remain the fact that carlos is the product of something quite specific, which charles is right about.

i myself am intrigued by how these guys function in the social space of their jobs, and how they really do seem to build up these devoted flocks of people. they're on the payroll but there also is genuine emotion there. interesting relationship to me. like there really is this big team around ONE guy.

and Charles is also inadvertently right about the fact that carlos IS gay. and furthermore hes in love with charles which does NOT occur to the man in question. hes not even seriously sure if carlos is gay, at this point. hes only really trying to displace any weirdness he feels is on him onto carlos. i wanted charles relationship to his sexuality to be complicated without overstating it. i didnt want him to actively be homophobic but i didnt want him to be comfortable the whole time either. i wanted him to grapple throughout not only with his feelings for carlos specifically but just his idea of himself vs whats actually happening

[biff-adventurer]

so... writing is hard. like, writing effectively is hard. it's easy to just write whatever comes to you without a second glance. that's fine if you're enjoying yourself! but to do that for years, unquestioningly, and then imply that you have high expectations of others... that is a deluded notion of your own skill level.

with less and less people using their critical thinking skills and losing them in the process, even RP spaces have become very polarizing and lack room for complicated and messy human relationships.

to be clear, when i say complicated, i don't mean: "my character has done unspeakable, horrible things and i must always play out those dark themes. people who don't want to roleplay them are weak, simple, or unreasonable. this is a high intellect exercise and absolutely not torture porn for the sake of it."

(i've actually seen a person like this)

complicated and messy mean, to me, that characters can be wrong about things for completely understandable reasons. that feelings make sense. that it's okay for characters to call out behaviours that they don't like, and that's not considered "drama". that truths they encounter are uncomfortable and don't ever get resolved. that it's okay for characters to be ignorant and then learn and grow, and for other characters to give them that opportunity, within reason.

all of that leads to character building and good stories. because RP isn't really about how well people write on a technical level. it's about how our characters interact to create unforgettable memories.

the sense of elitism that people feel about their unchallenged standards is really disheartening. i've encountered it a lot over the years. as someone who studied literature--expressly, how to read literature and determine its meaning--i witness these immature attitudes and i want to scream.

it's okay to feel good about your writing. it's unrealistic to think that your writing is at a high level without really taking a hard look at who you are, what you want, and why your words aren't reaching someone. this drives me insane. when anyone says they encountered a problem with your writing, it's not a personal attack. it means you didn't reach them. you failed. that is a hard pill to swallow, but it certainly isn't always the fault of the reader.

if you want to be a strong writer, you have to be able to accept the complexities in life. you have to accept that, despite everything you've personally experienced, you might be dead wrong. you can't let fear control you. the balance to be both strong in your convictions and constantly skeptical of all things is at the core of good writing. that's what makes stories good. that's what makes roleplays good. the technical aspects will inevitably follow.

don't let fear or ego control you. forge ahead.

[ravenkinnie]

do you think jinx is good rep for bpd people? I see many saying she's accurate but I also see others call her terrible rep not bcs inaccuracy but bcs of how violent she is and how she could give a negative impression of bpd

I mean, the use of the good representation casus is usually what I have a problem with because wheat does good representation even mean. I mostly see people judge it on basis of whether the character makes the whole ass community look nonthreatening amd sympathetic which I loathe - to me, it should be judged on character construction level, is this aspect of the character consistent and written with the same attention to emotional beats, inner logic and narrative as everything else? and jinx is because her emotional landscape is key to the show as a whole and is written with the same attention to her humanity as every other character, she is not a caricature

i say this as someone who has bpd and has interacted with bpd communities so many times over the years but bpd does make you a difficult person to form relationships with, if it didn't you wouldn't have bpd khkgkj I realise that when you search bpd you will never find actual resources for people with bpd like you would with depression or anxiety but usually articles written by frustrated dudes who have beef with their crazy exes and people love to chalk everything up to cluster bs being inherently insane or sth. this is why you need to get rid off the black and white thinking that judges people on moral value like they are fictional characters because irl people who you have problems with probably have more going on than meets the eye - which doesn't absolve you of giving other people the same grace you want to be given but it means no one is just evil or not

sometimes mental illness will make you a really shitty friend or partner and recognising how those actions affect people in your life and taking responsibility for them IS part of recovery that is extremely uncomfortable but it doesn't mean its not human and shouldn't be portrayed in media just because its complicated. and sometimes a bitch chooses to remain a cunt kbjbkbj

[extravaguk]

hi. its been a while.

im not here to talk about why i stopped posting bc its pretty obvious im a grown ass adult with responsabilities, and writing fics was just a hobby for me. life has been hectic these years, but im not going to pretend like thats the only reason i stopped coming here.

i've been lurking in the shadows this past month due to jks solo stuff, and its made me realize why i dont enjoy interacting with other fans anymore.

i've seen people complain, calling jk a sellout for singing pop music (wym?? he IS a POP star like im so confused), or the seven choreo not being too complicated (i'd love to yalls dance moves), comparing him to other members and creating a stupid, inexistent competition between them, asking him fruitless questions on his lives or just being plain rude. i've seen people psychoanalyzing the members, some of you even theorizing that jk might be autistic which is just... insane, like what the fuck is wrong with y'all? feeling ENTITLED enough to diagnose mental disorders to people you've never met and will never meet? i am literally speechless. and dont even get me started with the jikook and taekook shippers STILL fighting in the tags.............. its been 10 years, mamas, drop it already. its extremely gross to enforce a sexual orientation down these 7 men's throats.

those of us who have been here since the beginning have seen these boys through SO much. we prayed for their success and did everything we could to expose them to be the worlwide phenomenon they are today, literally from 0 to 100 and yall just... took that shit from granted when you dont even know the STRUGGLE that was stanning bts back in the day.

but here yall are. pinning them against each other, shitting on the other members' solo stuff, and just being ungrateful little shits. i never thought id see the day where the fans would create such division between the members.

this fandom is not fun anymore. its gross. its delulu. its pissing me the fuck off and making the bts fan experience the most annoying thing ive ever done.

i'm still going to be here for the bts content. ill keep the fics up for ppl to read if they want to. but i will not be interacting with anybody. i wont be answering messages.

i am DONE.

[leejenowrld]

GIRLLLLL chapter 4 is insane. it completely made me question the dynamic between nabi and jeno. i thought it was so clear what they had going on but this chapter js showed both of their fierce personalities clashing and REALLY made me doubt jeno. Im completely in love w nabi’s character and am entranced in the way she steadies herself when someone doubts her. The part where some of the dreamies interrogated nabi kinda made me annoyed. I get they’re worried and tryna look out for her but i hate the way they make her out to be so vulnerable and unknown to herself when this is probably the most in character shes been. Ofc shes in tran of emotions rn and her lifes lowkey revolving around jeno rn, shes becoming more true to herself infront of ppl (even if that means her not planning for it). I will say nabi’s mood depending on jenos actions and whole demeanour does make me nervous cus shes alr so far in. And i js have no clue what jenos thinking. We know hes a difficult character and although hes somewhat open w nabi (compared to other ppl) idk if it’s honest. AND KARINAS CHARACTERRRRR god she lowk pissed me off cus girl get a hint why r u tryna enforce the bar scenario again when nabi said no beforehand.Kinda confused where she stands tho cus what is going on w her and jeno? I feel like karina js wants someone to show her off and make everything ab her yk? like have her own person. But why jeno? why does she get pulled w him everytime. AND WHO TOLD HER AB THE BARRRR😭(and the guys too?!?!? cus we established it wasn’t jeno but u neverrrr know) im so excited for the next chapters AND PLSSSS RELEASE THE REST OF CHAPTER 4🙏im sooo invested AND WDYM THE 20K WORDS COULD CHANGE THE WHOLE TONE AND TRAJECTORY OF THE STORY😭😭im scared. also this is my first time interacting w ur blog OR ACT any blog/story so idk what to say buttt i js love this series its so mature and practical in a way?!?? yk. Dont leave us hanging too long for chp 5 too pls😣😣Cant wait!!!!! (this isnt a question lmfaoo i js really wanted to talk ab this fic😁)

girl!!!!! first of all, this entire ask has me grinning like an idiot because the way you just get every layer of this story, every shift in dynamic, every little thing i wanted to make people question??? you are so locked in and i love that. the way you're picking apart nabi and jeno’s relationship, realizing that it’s not just lust, not just tension, but two strong-willed, complicated people clashing in ways neither of them expected—it makes me so happy that you're feeling everything because that's exactly what i wanted. and the dreamies??? exactly. like, they care, they want to protect, but they also don’t fully see her yet, don’t realize that this is her most herself self. she’s slipping deeper, yes, but she’s also shedding so much of the pretense, and your awareness of that just makes me feel so validated. and jeno… oh, jeno. your uncertainty about him is so valid. you know he’s difficult, you know he’s more open with nabi than anyone else, but is it real? is it manipulation? is it just instinct? does he even know? you’re asking the exact right questions, and i love that. karina too—she’s frustrating, but she’s meant to be, because she’s figuring herself out in real-time just like everyone else. she wants to be seen, wants to be wanted, but with jeno… why? and how? and what does she actually want from him? and the bar situation? yeah. yeah. we don’t know who told, but it’s eating at nabi now, and the uncertainty is only going to get worse. also, girl!!! the continuation has been out for a while lmao i uploaded it a few hours after part 4 so go read that! but i am sorry because i will make you guys wait a while for part 5 since i’m traveling for most of march and won’t be active on tumblr a lot. but i’m so, so happy this was your first ask, please always send me more, i love reading your thoughts, and once you read the continuation, please let me know what you think because things are shifting again, and i need to know how you feel about it all. 🖤

read the rest of part four here!!! girl how have you not already read it, when you’re finished lmk <3

[herefornewthings]

Life is so confusing. I was 15 when suddenly one day the weight of knowing that I exist took over my senses. I started to feel so much with insane intensity, at 15 with no prior experience with such big feelings. It was crazy. I had to figure out the emotions. Pick them apart and put them in different boxes. One for happiness, one for discomfort, one for the fear and so on. Realising that the universe is massive and I'm so small was a humbling experience. Turning 15 brought so much heaviness out of no where. So much sadness and anger. It was messy, trying to understand what was happening to me. Depression. I guessed. I still don't know. The heavy feelings are still here. Life is complicated. At 18, I was suddenly expected to know what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't know. With everything going in the family I just opted for English Honours without researching about it. Three years of my life, wasted. Before making that decision I really wanted to take a gap year but couldn't. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. People of my age are excelling. I feel left behind, lonely, sad and lost. No friends and no lover. No one to ask me about my day. Life is hard. At 19 I've become a disappointment to my parents. Heaviness won't let me get out of my bed. Overthinking makes me want to scream. What if this happened now or what if I went there but that happened. It ranges from stupid alternate versions of what might happen to natural calamities. It's eating me from the inside. At 19, I suck at having human interactions. I try too hard to please people, I get hurt easily and I possess no skills. I fail at having my own opinions, I let reels decide what is cringe and what is cool. I am so many bad things. But I tell myself what if nothing bad ever happens? What if it all works out for me? What if I really get to discover who I am? Life sucks right now but I will get out of my bed and start the marketing course again. I will keep the work out going and discipline myself. Its okay that I am left behind but I don't want to whine about it all the time. At 19 I promise myself to make little efforts for myself. I promise to allow myself to feel hurt and angry and not shame myself about it. I promise me to do it for me. No matter how little the progress. I will do it.

[primalmagic]

phoenix you are so real for this. like genuinely. i miss being able to talk about things freely, i miss having that community. i love tumblr, i do, but i can only interact on posts and i can only make posts when im trying to share something. theres no more "i ate an orange" "omg me too" which ends up leading to the most memorable conversation ever. i cant hide my account from anyone so everythings out there, and unlike q, tumblr is so so much bigger. and i miss you guys so much its not funny. contacting from other sites is so complicated because what do i talk about?? the weather?? theres no conversation starters and we're all just floating around. it sucks.

my least favorite part about losing q is that i grew up there. no matter where i go, thatll still be my internet birthplace. in some weird, twisted way, its still my home. and i hate that so much because ill never get it back.

that was our own small piece of the internet, and its gone. i still have the old q users community, and its still active, and when i see people posting there it feels so nostalgic i cant help but think what would have happened if q didnt nuke. where we could be right now.

quotev was a genuine masterpiece. yes, it had so many issues. so SO many issues. but we created something ive yet to find anywhere else on the internet. we were a group of teenagers who created our own system. our own government. our own rules. our own lives. i learned so much there. c&i was where i was first introduced to graphics, where i got things for free that id have to pay dozens of dollars for in other places. because it was just a bunch of 13 year olds with insane talent that would share it with others because they wanted too. i learnt how to run a business on that site, from a freaking url thread. i learnt how to deal with drama, liars, how to keep myself safe. i learnt how to interact with people, how to make friends, how to not be fucking alone.

i made some of my closest friends on quotev. it saved my life as a tween, and it changed me so much. it gave me a place to write, first, and then a place to vent, next, and then a place to thrive.

nothing will ever ever be the same. i thought id be there forever. the day it went down was terrifying. and everyones moved on, or at least it seems, and sometimes ill find myself thinking about how emotionally attached i was to it. to you guys. its good to see im not completely alone in that.

anyway phoenix please please hmu and talk to me whenevr you want, im always online so whenever you remember tumblr ill definitely always be here <3. ily and i hope we stay friends even though tumblrs not exactly as ideal as q was. saying im sorry for your loss sounds weird bc we're talking abt a literal quiz site, but... you know, im sorry. i wish things had worked out in another way.

i miss quotev so much it's not even funny

[8lah8lah]

idk if anyone else is dealing w the same shit but the older me n my siblings get the more fucking unbearable my parents get around any holiday, maybe its just cause when i was a kid i was prone to only thinking abt haha wooo holiday cause Kids Like To Be Happy but any event at all now goes from like. anything comfortable to being deliberately furiously stressed about Absolutely Everything and trying to drag everyone along in their shit and if i was like 13-16 i'd be like this sucks :( but now that im becoming more and more adult it still sucks but it's also like holy shit you really really really do not HAVE to do this. when i was younger i thought being an adult just magically made you meaner or the stresses of having a job made it so that you WILL want to yell over everything but it's like, no!! even if you are angry or stressed you can just choose not to insult your own kid or start yelling about some dirty dishes but they act like it's inevitable and if you point it out cue yelling abt how ungrateful and abusive their own kids forrrr being seperate people??? and its not like im like oh nooo the sanctity of xmas or whatever it's just!!! can i experience the present open holiday without it being a 'go in only once youre absolutely sure you have to, open presents, rush back to room and block out all sounds'. guhhh. cant imagine how much more chill ill be once i live with actually decent people and know i dont have to prepare for or expect ppl deliberately making ur life awful

[koropukgoro]

hello!!! do you have any tiny spike rambles? also how does everyone on the bebop interact with spike once they get used to him being tiny?

I HAVE... A LOT. A LOT OF THOUIGHTS AND RAMBLES AND HONESTLY ITS ALL JUMBLED INTO MY HEAD and i have a friend i ramble with... together...its silly! I have a lot of writing ideas too its just a matter of like, getting energy and finding out how to formulate it with proper intrigue. ALSO! i wanna draw more, but man, drawing is tough.

Sort of revolves around Spike. Obviously, but like, I am insane, and really want to contemplate things realistically to his character. I really really like Cowboy Bebop and I really like the relationships the characters have with each other and situations and how they reflect on them and waghghghgh <- is insane

But also I guess I just want it to feel like an actual canonical episode kinda like this COULD happen this is how they COULD react to it. Very silly for such a silly gt scenario I KNOW but I am insane. Established. Plus Spike as a character and how he struggles with his past and his stubborness vs his false easy-breezy attitude and taking what life gives him its so epic Ilove internal character conflict and how it affects his relationships with others. ANYWAYS, how does that all affect Spike w the process of shrinking? well he's very much terrified of what has happened. It's absolutely terrifying, being suddenly in a world that's familar yet very very alien--everything is HUGE but not really because its him who's SMALL. He doesnt deny it once he puts two and two together but he also struggles very much with interacting with it... Things are meant to work in specific ways in his brain, and now thats all jumbled and just torn through like paper. He is also a guy who's extremely stubborn and doesn't like to elaborate on his actions a lot so he of course refuses to fucking let anyone know he's terrified or upset as long as he can help it but when he's faced with the reality of it and his fragility/vulnerability it freaks him out and he really can't control that cuz it's small prey animal instincts kicking his ass.

With Ein I think its waaay easier to just..comprehend and accept. Ein is a short dog. At most in comparison he is the size of the Bebop to Spike. That's a size he deals with everyday and can comprehend easily he's been around gigantic ships and skyscrapers and so on he likes being in the air on his swordfish it's actually established he likes being in high places in the show too so its not like Ein's size is too bad for him. Just big...and awkward...gigantic dog... Spike finds that Ein is actually the one he confides to the most in this situation cuz Ein is something his brain can comprehend. Ein isn't really engulfing his entire vision or actively butting into his way. Concerned yes but not overbearingly so... Ein knows and senses Spike's feelings the best too cuz dogs are naturally very attune to that, and Ein is a very smart dog.

With Jet it's a bit more complicated. Jet has been his partner for 3 years and while he hasn't been the most transparent with Jet about everything they HAVE shared heart to hearts, near death experiences, trauma bonding, etc. They are close...closer than they appear to people. They've dressed each other's wounds and seen each other be vulnerable for the most part; Jet is very much a friend and an ally and most importantly a rock in Spike's life. Cue being shrunken against his will and being completely out of control of the situation, Spike probably finds Jet really really intimidating despite all prior logical knowledge of his relationship with Jet. It's 100% because Jet is fucking huge to him and like, in general, when you are the size of a pencap (spike is like 2 inches / 4 cms I like them funny guys itty bitty) every person Spike is going to struggle to look at because they are literally bigger than his eyes can comprehend its like looking from the foot of a fucking mountain like he is seeing something he *shouldn't* because humans aren't meant to be so fucking small. It's absolutely toying with his brain. Makes him feel powerless... kind of like the fight with Tongpu in Spaceland being almost whimsical in nature and making him contemplate his mortality; he feels uncanny and eerie in his own skin and surrounded by absolutely terriffying posibilities cuz he's very small. Maybe the same feelings he gets when he tries to remember things like his eye surgery it's all scratching deep in his brain and its something he wants to shut out but he physically cannot because he has to confront it or he dies. At least that's what his brain is telling him.....because Jet is very much a gentle giant and absolutely concerned for Spike when he's like this most of all because he is SMALL!!! and they dont know WHY!!! they are both freaked out by it in different ways and Jet almost has a hard time really interacting with Spike at first cuz he guy is very small and avoiding eye contact and even trying to avoid *him* and hard to read tiny face and his tiny little voice and like he's seen Spike antsy and annoyed and a little freaked/panicked before but this is a whole new level of that you know

sees that i have rambled 2 much. a

[feferipeixes]

following up from a-ya’s pokemon team, it’s time to talk about c-ta’s pokemon team!

me and @cha-momile​ and @into-demise​ worked on this together! Our basic premise was that he is a Normal Guy who is Sooooo Normal so all of his pokemon are normal type. He’s not trying to stand out too much, yknow? He doesn’t want to be “the very best”. He’s just trying to keep his balance.

Explanations under the cut!

Indeedee is so ridiculously apropos for him that I cannot believe it. The Pokedex entry for male Indeedee says “It uses the horns on its head to sense the emotions of others. Males will act as valets for those they serve, looking after their every need.” C-ta meets this little creature and does this:

Type: Null is complicated. Type: Null is there because C-ta has a fondness for ugly creatures, as seen with his well-known taste in cringe guys. The thing about Type: Null is that it has a helmet clamped onto its head that is meant to control it, and the helmet comes off when it evolves, but it only evolves through the power of friendship. I think that C-ta can’t manage to get it to evolve, because he doesn’t understand why his friendship with A-ya isn’t working out. So instead Type: Null is stuck like this, being controlled, unable to be free. I am begging you to listen to Re:Missed Call.

Bewear is simple -- it’s a big stuffed bear (stuffed like the doll C-ta gave to A-ya...) who hugs you so tightly that you might die!! It’s like... some sort of metaphor for how overbearing C-ta is toward A-ya. Weird...

Purugly again calls back to C-ta being like “the uglier you are the more insane I get from looking at you”.

Eevee is a fan-favourite Pokemon, but mostly because of its ability to evolve into whatever you want! C-ta’s decision not to let his Eevee evolve is like he’s wasting Eevee’s potential. It doesn’t matter what Eevee could become -- it matters that everything stays the same, because change might tear him apart. C-ta’s life could even be better than it is right now if he let things change (please read Miserable) but he doesn’t want to risk it, because he likes how things are now. It’s tolerable, now.

And as for Dunsparce, it’s just a friendly little worm! It’s scared and it’s pretty feeble (it notably can only flutter “a little bit” off the ground). But he loves it because A-ya gave it to him!

The last thing to say about C-ta’s team is that it contrasts with A-ya’s team very well. A-ya being a Ghost type trainer and C-ta being a Normal type trainer means that they can’t actually interact. Their advances do nothing to one another. They are ships in the night and it sucks to watch.