#and it has been exhaustive and tiring and i'm happy to say that i've reached a point

[pennyserenade]

hispanic heritage month is coming up and i just want to say this: for all of those out there who feel they aren't latino enough or that you're constantly failing at balancing identities like american and mexican or whatever, you're not. you owe no one anything and trying to satisfy some unattainable level of latino-ness is going to make you despise it. believe it or not you were born latino and so you'll always be latino. you should be proud because you come from a lot of brilliant people and no one can kick you out because this isn't a club you join. you are latino in any way you chose to be latino and i hope you find as much joy as you can in that fact (because it is pretty fucking cool). celebrate this month freely and happily because its yours too

[steddieas-shegoes]

sir, this is a wendy's

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'modern au' rated t wc: 765 tags: established relationship, proposal, kinda silly

-----------------------------------------------

"They're out of the cookies, sweetheart," Eddie turned to Steve as he came back from the restroom of the Wendy's.

They were still nearly six hours from home and exhausted, a little bit grumpy if Steve's silence for the last hour was anything to go by.

"I'll have a Frosty then."

"Machine's down."

Steve blinked at him before sighing.

"I guess nothing then, right? Just the burger and fries."

Eddie sighed, too.

The visit with Robin hadn't gone...well. She'd told them she was taking a year to study abroad and part of the program meant she could only come home for one week during their summer break. Steve wasn't taking it well that she'd go from being an eight hour drive away to an eight hour flight away.

He was being patient.

He knew Steve hated change like this, and he'd only been sitting with it for about 12 hours.

Eddie turned back to the cashier with a smile.

"Two number two's, one with no onions and one with no tomatoes please."

Steve was standing next to him, staring down at his phone. When Eddie looked over, he had a tab open showing the program details of Robin's study abroad track.

While they waited for their food, Eddie watched Steve biting his lip, then his thumbnail, and then his lip again.

"Stevie, what's goin' on in your head?" Eddie finally asked.

Steve shoved his phone in his pocket and looked at the floor.

"Nothin'."

"It's clearly somethin'. You worried about Robin?"

"Obviously," Steve huffed.

"Love, she's-"

"Steve Munson!"

Both of them whipped their heads back to the counter, where a woman was pushing a tray of food towards them.

Steve's wide eyes looked back at Eddie, cheeks a bright red.

Eddie walked up to grab their food, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach at the thought of Steve actually being Steve Munson.

It's not that he hadn't thought about it before; He had thought about it most days for the last year.

There was a ring in his drawer at their apartment to prove it.

"Table?" Eddie choked out, avoiding eye contact with Steve.

They were quiet as they sat down, taking their food off the tray and looking at it. Not eating, not even touching it anymore, just looking.

"Um."

"So."

They looked at each other, then back down at their food.

"Steve Munson sounds kinda nice," Eddie said hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Steve was picking at the wrapper around his burger now.

"I mean, I've thought so for a while."

"You have?"

Eddie was really about to propose in this Wendy's.

Without a ring or a real speech.

Just himself and a few old people in the corner eating chili.

"I'm gonna do this for real somewhere that isn't a Wendy's on an exit in some shitty town that has two gas stations and a Wal-Mart, but for now." He cleared his throat and reached across the table to take Steve's hand. "I dunno why they called that name, but maybe it's a sign. I love you. I know right now you're having a lot of thoughts, and you don't have to answer me. I'm not even on one knee, but really this is a Wendy's and my knee's been hurting for the entire ride. I love you. I said that already."

Steve giggled and Eddie couldn't help smiling back at him.

"I love you. I'll say it as much as you want, as long as it makes that smile happen. I'll say it when you're sad and grumpy, when you're happy and silly, when you're tired, when you're hyper. If it's okay with you, I'll scream it right here."

"In the Wendy's?"

"Yes, in the Wendy's."

Steve just nodded.

"Attention everyone! This man right here? I love him!" Eddie was saying loudly, gaining the attention of everyone around them. "And I'm asking him right now, to be my husband!"

"Sir, this is a Wendy's," an old lady sitting in the booth across from them said.

Eddie and Steve immediately started laughing.

"Well, is he sayin' yes so you'll shut up or what?" An old man said from the other end of the lobby.

Eddie looked at Steve with a smirk.

"Yeah, I'll marry you," Steve said loud enough for everyone to hear.

A couple people clapped, but for the most part, everyone went back to ignoring them.

Eddie kissed Steve softly, chastely.

"Was this a distraction from the Robin thing?" Steve asked.

"Not intentionally. Worked though."

Steve rolled his eyes fondly.

"You better make the real proposal a spectacle."

"Anything for you, my love."

[onlyjaeyun]

𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍  – 𝟒𝟖

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐘𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲

⤲ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⤲ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞!𝐀𝐔, 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝!𝐀𝐔, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭

⤲ 𝐰𝐜: 𝟕𝐤 (not proofread)

⤲ 𝐜𝐰: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐦, 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 (𝐦.𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠), 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥, 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

"Lee Heeseung, your girlfriend is crying again."

With your lips pressed tightly together, furrowed brows and teary eyes you land a hard smack on the back of Jaeyun's neck, basically fed up with his constant teasing after a four hour flight and having to spend the whole morning listening to his random rambles about physics and the development of the roman empire.

Your boyfriend's ears almost instantly perk up at the mention of your tears and before the barista can even hand him his change he's already busy approaching you with concern grazing his features.

"What's wrong, Baby?" Heeseung whispers the words and leaves a good amount of physical distance between you as you both can feel your brother's gaze following your every movement, only for his girlfriend to push her finger into his strong chest and scold him for being so dramatic.

All you can do is thank her with your eyes as they join Jongseong in the very back of the coffee shop, while Jaeyun waits for your drinks and has finally decided to take a break.

"These are happy tears, my love, I promise", you quickly say and reach for his face, gently caressing his cheek and loving the way your boyfriend doesn't hesitate to move further into your touch, "I just know this is going to do wonders for Wonie's mental health, I've been so worried since our last call."

Heeseung nods in agreement, his own chest still feeling heavy as he remembers the sadness in his cousin's voice throughout the entirety of your phone conversation a few days ago.

Little did either one of you know that your boyfriend and brother had been trying their best to organise a paid internship for you in one of their companies, knowing you had sent in your applications yet again after your first ones had gotten rejected. Once Heeseung got the approval from his boss, him and Hoon had decided to book the tickets for your best friend's birthday weekend because they knew you wouldn't hesitate to quit your job at the coffee shop, therefore clearing your schedule.

Everything happened way too quickly and if it wasn't for the fact you're currently looking at the huge "Welcome to Daegu" banner in the middle of the city's biggest airport, processing it all would have been a lot more difficult.

The thought of working at the same company as your brother, his girlfriend as well as your own boyfriend seemed scary but after talking to each one of them, those worries quickly vanished and were replaced by excitement instead.

And the fact a great opportunity such as this one came with the amazing clearance of your schedule and actually allowed you to be with your best friend for his birthday has been the reason for your overly emotional state these past four days.

Life finally feels good and for the first time in your life you don't have to constantly fight to survive but actually feel yourself living in the moment, mostly thanks to your loved ones.

With pouted lips and tired eyes you look up at your boyfriend and quickly bury your face in his strong, warm chest, the exhaustion from your travel journey finally catching up on you.

"I'm gonna make sure you two will have the best time ever", Heeseung sighs and wraps his arms around your shoulders, "these past few weeks have been exhausting for all of us, this is just a way for everyone to live and breathe a little."

You nod softly and kiss your way from his warm neck up to his chin before pressing your lips against his and the way your boyfriend barely hesitates to push his tongue into your mouth makes you chuckle intot he kiss.

"Calm down, big guy", you sigh and pull away once Jaeyun calls for the two of you, "Ning can only hold back my brother so much, we shouldn't test his patience."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just glad we're not on the same floor in the hotel because I'd rather punch myself in the face for hours before I go five whole days without fucking the sweetest pussy on earth."

Seung's voice is a mere whisper, yet his unhinged words leave you completely flustered and with a roll of your eyes you bury your face in his neck again and pinch his arm to let him know how little you appreciate his teasing in public. Especially with your brother and their best friends so close to you.

Once the six of you make it to your hotel rooms, the boys decide to take a walk around the city, grab some late lunch and play some basketball in the little court in the kids area of your accommodations to pass some time but also get rid of their exhaustion. You and Ning on the other hand have decided to actually take a nap after a flight this tiring, as you wait for Sunoo, Jungwon's roommate, to finally call and let you know where the three of them had decided to spend the evening.

You didn't want to just show up at his door but rather join in on his plans and once his friend had told you about your best friend's wish to go to a night club, you got even more excited. It's been way too long since the two of you had partied together, however you'd lie if you said you actually went out to a club since moving to seoul exactly six months ago.

Too much had constantly happened, adjusting to work and university, living by yourself and of course the whole situation with your now boyfriend had basically not left any room to party.

You and the girls still occasionally went to bars yet these past few weeks life just felt too exhausting, so you usually stayed at home and kept things easy and calm.

However, now the thought of going to a club with your boyfriend and best friend excites you in the best way possible and you actually can't wait to join the boys.

By the time Heeseung comes out of the shower you've already gotten dressed, and are currently doing your best for the make uo look in your head to become reality, yet as soon as you catch a glimpse of Lee Heeseung wearing nothing but a towel around his hips, you physically can't stop yourself from eyeing him up and down.

"Don't you dare look at me like that right now, princess", he suddenly chuckles and comes to stand right behind you, his body too tall to fit into the frame of the mirror in front of you and at the sight of his pierced nipples you nervously start nibbling on your bottom lip.

"Can't help it", you sigh and take a deep breath as soon as his big hand gently wraps around your throat, his eyes fixated on your face as he remains composed, "you just look so good like this."

Unfortunately, neither one of you gets the opportunity to indulge in a short moment of intimacy, as the vibration of your boyfriend's phone right next to you pulls you both back into the reality and with a soft sigh of annoyance.

"It's Jaeyun, isn't it?"

Heeseung just nods and picks up the call with another sigh before he gives you a quick kiss and goes to get himself dressed.

Once the two of you are ready, it's taking you a lot of patience and self control not to rip your boyfriend's clothes off of him right away, the sight too tempting for your weak self.

But who in their right mind could blame you when it's Lee Heeseung in a black dress shirt, which he hasn't even bothered to button up completely, showing just the right amount of chest, combined with his casual slacks and a leather jacket.

You can't help but stare at him with big, hungry eyes, enjoying the way he seems confident and comfortable in his skin to the point where he shoots you one of his charming smirks and winks every time your gaze meets his.

However, you're pretty sure you've managed to cause the same reaction from your boyfriend, as he seems to struggle keeping his hands off of you.

Your little black dress fits your body like a glove, tight and charming in all the right places and in combination with your little jacket and your knee high boots you know you've got people's heads turning, yet all you care about is the way your boyfriend looks at you.

After about fifteen minutes of arguing how many ubers to order, you find yourself in a car with your boyfriend and his two best friend's, both of them slightly tipsy as they had decided to drink a little before leaving to avoid spending too much money on overpriced drinks and the closer you get to the club, the faster your heart starts beating.

Heeseung's hand remains on your thigh throughout the whole drive and you hate just how a touch as simple as that has already pushed you to the edge of your arousal to the point where you genuinely consider pulling him into the next alley just to get some relief.

But as soon as your phone starts vibrating in your hand and Kim Sunoo's contact name appears on your screen, you feel excitement and anticipation take over.

The second you guys arrive in front of the club, Heeseung's instinct kicks in and despite his best friend's expression of distaste, he doesn't let go of your hand and keeps you as close to himself as possible. He can't risk getting into a fight when his best friends are already as tipsy as they currently are because even if his skills are good, there's no way he stands a chance against a group without his boys having his back.

You calmly lean against the chest of your boyfriend as you wait for your best friend to finally arrive as well and as soon as you spot Nishimura Riki's tall frame get out of the nth uber passing by, a wave of relief washes over you.

Tonight is going to be a good night.

"No. Fucking. Way."

The sound of your best friend's voice sends chills over your body and with a loud squeak you pull away from Heeseung to run into Jungwon's arms, wishing him a happy birthday and taking in the warmth of his body and the comfort his hug comes with.

"You guys are fucking with me right now", he says and looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly glossier than usual, his lips stretched into a big smile until his dimples make an appearance and with a loud chuckle you just shake your head.

"This is literally the best birthday present ever." Jungwon chuckles and you love the way you can actually watch some of the heaviness on his shoulder slowly vanish as he pulls you into another tight hug.

"Then wait until Seungie tells you he's gonna pay for all the drinks tonight", you say and turn around to face said boyfriend with a big smile, not aware just how much he loves the sight of your happiness.

He casually approaches the four of you, dabbing up the two boys really quick before he pulls his cousin into a tight hug.

For some reason you can't help but let your eyes roam his tall figure for the nth time tonight, yet quickly getting it together when Sunoo elbows you in the ribs and starts giggling.

Once everyone hugged each other and Sunghoon proudly introduced the boys to Ning, you finally make your way into the club, your boyfriend's arm firmly wrapped around your waist and you can barely stop yourself from jumping his bones right then and there.

Especially once you guys find a little table to take over in the very back of the club, yet only half of you having space to sit doen and you notice all the girls shamelessly eyeing your boyfriend up and down. You know he's not paying attention to them, yet sudden waves of jealousy and possessivness overwhelm you and as soon as your brother and Jaeyun leave to get everyone the first round of drinks, you jump up from your seat and wrap your arms around your boyfriend's neck.

"They're staring at you", you whisper into his ear and place a soft kiss on his exposed neck, loving the way Heeseung seems to struggle holding himself back as you push your body against his. His grip on your hips tightens and you love how your usually so composed lover turns into absolute putty in your hands within just a few seconds.

"So what? It's you I'm staring at", Heeseung grunts and buries his face in your neck, suppressing the urge to kiss his way down to your exposed cleavage and actually litter your pretty chest in his kisses.

The loud music as well as the lack of oxygen in the club sends you into the sweetest haze of adrenaline and in combination with your boyfriend's addictive touches, you feel yourself letting go of all your worries and doubts that have been keeping you up at night these last few weeks.

"And it's me you're going to fuck tonight, right?" You tease and push your hands into his dark hair, pulling away just enough to look into his eyes, yet having to bite back a whimper at the darkness of his gaze.

"Tonight, tomorrow and for the rest of my life, princess."

His words send your brain into overdrive and with a soft whimper you hide your face in his chest and actually feel relieved when your friend starts cheering in response to their drinks' arrival and with a soft sigh you give your boyfriend one last kiss and pull away, knowing Jungwon's going to pull you to the dance floor as soon as he downs his shot.

You quickly lose track of time as soon as you find yourself dancing to the music alongside your brother's girlfriend and the boys, all of them cheering you on as you give it your all and for some reason you're not as shy as you usually are and you're quite convinced Lee Heeseung's strong gaze lingering on the whole time is the reason behind your confidence.

But it's also seeing just how happy Jungwon is, your worries and thoughts about him finally vanishing from your brain as you wrap as you watch his dance battle with the youngest of the group.

It doesn't take much more for your boyfriend to finally having had enough as he pushes his way through the crowd, completely ignoring all the girls trying their best to catch his attention, only to fail miserably. You welcome the warmth of his strong body in your back with a soft smile, pushing yourself even harder against him, knowing exactly what you're doing to him with every sway of your hips against his crotch, the bulge in his pants essily giving away your effect on him.

Heeseung's hands find home on your waist, his grip as tight as ever as he moves his body along to yours and you can't help but throw your head back against his shoulder when he suddenly starts singing the lyrics of the song into your ear, the experience feeling absolutely surreal and just when you thought he couldn't get any more perfect, you find yourself living yet another one of your daydreams.

The rest of the night is filled with belly hurting laughter, way too much screaming of wrong lyrics to the songs blasting in the club, quite a bit of bickering and stolen touches from your boyfriend. You have absolutely no idea how three whole hours pass by so quickly, only realising how much you've been dancing when Ning finally pulls you to the women's room, her drunk giggles and her attemots of a conversation all while being barely coherent pushing you into another fit of laughter and after about ten minutes of you trying to gatch your breath in front of the mirror, you hear the deep voice of your brother making its way through the door.

"We're heading out, the guys wanna eat some beef and play basketball", Sunghoon screams and can't help but smile when all he gets in response is the sound of your combined giggles, "hurry the fuck up. Seung's about to shut down the club if you two take any longer."

At the mention of your boyfriend, you feel your whole body heating up and with a soft sigh and a nibble on your freshly glossed up lips, you take one last picture with your sister in law and finally swing the door open.

This time it's Jungwon who seems to be a lot more protective over you as he takes your hand in his and guides you through the crowd to the exit of the club, feeling responsible of you while your boyfriend is busy paying for everyone's drinks.

And just as your brother had announced to you, the group makes its way to a barbecue place nearby, hungry and excited after all the dancing, only for your night to end at the basketball court you and Heeseung had found during your last stay in Daegu.

You don't even question where the hell the baskteball suddenly gomes from as you watch your boyfriend and his friends play a few food rounds, the cold february air feeling like an actual breath of fresh air after the lack of oxygen in the crowded nightclub.

By the time your body has finally calmed down from the high of adrenaline, you start processing just how cold it actually is and kind of regret not leaving with your brother and his girlfriend about half an hour prior.

To your luck, Heeseung quickly notices the way your legs seem a little shakirr than just a few minutes ago and with one last pass to the youngest of the group, you finally call it a night.

Different than you expected, neither your or his own best friends insist on leaving with the two of you and as soon as Jungwoon wraps his arms around your shoulders, you know exactly why your usually so persistent, self proclaimed favorite boy has decided to stay behind.

"Don't fuck too much, we've got an early morning tomorrow", he says and starts laughing as soon as your face changes into an expression of horror and without giving him a verbal response you opt for a slap against his chest.

Heeseung pulls you as close to his body as possible as soon as the two of you get comfortable in the back of your uber, his body still slightly cold and for a moment you're worried about his health and feel bad for taking his jacket.

"Are you co-", "I can't wait to fuck you", he suddenly whispers into your ear, casually making you choke on your words.

You instinctively press your thighs together and curse him as well ss yourself for the reactions of your body, yet genuinely enjoying the warmth his words spreads through your veins at the same time.

"Good girl", he whispers and finally starts littering your negk in open mouthed kisses the way he's wanted to do all night.

Watching you enjoy yourself and noticing all the guys devouring you with their eyes has been one of the biggest challenges Heessung has ever had to endure. Every time you denied one of those fuckers the privilege of dancing with you, he felt proud and possessive, the urge to claim you in front of them all taking over every fiber of his being within seconds.

At first he definitely felt a little worried because he's never felt as jealous and possessive over someone the way he does with you, the lack of knowledge regarding his possible reactions worrying him to the point where all he could focus on was to stay as calm as possible. Yet as soon as he saw the way you never once looked at anyone but him, Heeseung knew there's absolutely no need for him to worry. You want him and him only, and you're not shy about showing him off because you're his girl.

Only his.

"Isn't it funny that all of these people think you're this sweet, polite girl who's here to have a good time with her friends when you've been ruining your pretty panties all night thinking about my cock."

His words and their timing are well chosen, leaving you gompletely speechless and overwhelming you to the point where your ploute smile suddenly drops and you shamefully lower your head to hide yourself from the people around you.

Only when the doors of the elevator finally close and leave the two of you to yourselves do you look up at him with big, glossy eyes. A sight Heeseung would sell his soul for.

"What's wrong, princess? Use those big girl words for me, hm? I know you want to", Heeseung's lips graze yours with every single one of his words, his hot breath fanning against your heated skin and sending shivers down your spine.

A jolt of hot arousal shoots right in between your legs and with a soft whimper you grab a fistful of his hair to stop yourself from actually falling to your knees.

"I really, really want to suck your cock", you whisper against his lips and press your body further into his, "please, Heeseung. It's all I've been thinking about."

"You're so fucking cruel", he suddenly grunts and throws his head back in defeat, one of his hands finding home around your throat as he gently pushes you against rhe wall of the elevator, "stop playing with me, pretty girl. You know which one of us wins these games."

All you can do is chuckle because you both know it's not actually him, because as soon as your boyfriend gets a single taste of you, he's a complete goner and at your absolute mercy.

You can't explain what your effect on him does to your ego. You've never felt as loved, wanted and desired as Heeseung's been making you feel and despite being overwhelmed at times you've become absolutely addicted to it.

"I'll remind you of these words when I make you cum down my throat", you giggle against his lips, quickly pull away and decide to run away when the elevator doors open.

It takes Heeseung a whole moment to follow you, your words constantly repeating in his head and sending him into the depths of his arousal, something he's got yet to get used to when it comes to you. Every time you say or do something such as actually using your pretty girl words for him, teasing and playing with him, he has absolutely no idea what to do with himself. Nobody in his life has ever put him in this particular state of arousal; with you every single time feels like a whole new experience and usually ends with the urge to lay the world to your feet.

By the time he actually catches up to you, you've already pulled out your hotel room card, quickly slipping inside the comfort of your privacy and just when he thought you couldn't surprise him any further, Heeseung actually finds himself watching the way you're casually pulling your little black dress over your headc exposing your perfect body to his hungry eyes.

"F-Fuck", this time there's absolutely no way he can hide the intense reaction of his own body to your teasing and you feel your sensitive cunt clench in response to his deep grunt.

"Come here", you try your best to stay calm and composed as you wait for your boyfriend to finally approach you.

Mental images of his pretty cock in your mouth, the angry tip grazing your tits, his cum coating the muscle of your tongue and finally allowing you to indulge in one of your biggest fantasies overwhelm you, yet to your surprise, Heeseung seems to have slightly different plans.

You carefully watch the way your boyfriend basically rips open his dress shirt, exposing his tattooed chest to your greedy eyes, right before he comes to stand in front of you and actually drops to his knees without hesitation.

His big hands find home on your thighs, harshly kneading and groping the soft flesh all the way up to your ass and one of them casually reaching for one of your tits, his touch sending hot jolts of pleasure through your body.

"My face", Heeseung suddenly grunts and pushes your legs slightly apart, his nose deeply buried in your sensitive cunt and if it wasn't for his tight grip you would have lost every bit of balance you've had left, "please, Baby. I need you to sit on my face and cum all ove my tongue. I need it so bad."

Seung's gentle pleading sends shivers down your spine and for a short moment, mostly because of the way his pretty lips had found their way to your needy clit, you actually consider giving in to his request. But after weeks of begging your boyfriend for one thing and that thing only, you're determined to finally make that fantasy come true.

"No", you say and reach for his hair, grabbing a fistful of it and pulling his head away from your body with every bit of self control you've got left and as soon as your gaze drops to his flushed face, you let out a soft whimper.

There's absolutely no reason for Heeseung to look drunk every time he gets the tiniest taste of your pussy. You can't help but admire the sighg of his hooded eyes and parted lips, his whole face tainted in the sweetests hades of pink.

"But–", "I promise I'm gonna let you tongue fuck me to sleep later but I really, really want to suck you off now, Seungie."

Your tone doesn't give it away, yet Heeseung knows it's not really a request but actually a demand; your eyes widened and your hrip in his tight to the point it actually hurts his scalp, so without missing another beat, he kisses his way back up to your neck and turns you both to move himself closer to the bed until the back of his thighs hit the mattress and he has no choice but to sit down.

"Get to it then, princess", Heeseung grunts against your neck and his voice fades into a whimper once your knee gently nudges against the bulge in his pants.

After waiting for so long, you definitely don't need to be told twice and without hesitation you pull the fabric of his slavks down his thick thighs, your hand instantly finding uts way to his rock hard cock and calmly massaging him through his boxer briefs.

"Fuck, Baby", he suddenly whispers and reaches for your wrist to stop the movements of your hand, "I've been dying to fuck you all day, I don't have the patience and stamina for so much teasing."

His confession fuels the fire in your lower tummy, your heartbeat hammering in between your legs and once you meet his heavy gaze, you feel an actual urge to take him into your mouth overwhelm you.

"Is it because of me or because you didn't let any of your pretty little flings suck you off, hm?" Your question surprises him, yet you don't give him enough time to actually reflect on what you just threw in his direction as the sudden feeling of your hand reaching into the slit of his boxers to pull his rock hard cock free from its coffins and with a loud whimper of your name he can't do anything but throw his head back and buck his hips up.

"You're so hard", you sigh and feel your mouth watering at the heaviness of his length in your grip, "that's all for me, right, Seungie? Come on, how about you use your words for me now?"

"You're fucking evil", Heeseung presses through gritted teeth, his eyes rolling intot he back of his head as soon ss the sensation of your pretty lips grazing the wet tip of his cock overwhelms every single one of his senses, "only for and because of y-you, princess. Always and forever."

"Take your phone and call Sumin."

In absolutely no life time would Heeseung have expected you to ask something like that from him, especially not with your lips coated in his precum as you look up at him with those big, hungry eyes he's grown addicted to.

For a moment your boyfriend seems absolutely overwhelmed. Your request, your actual intention behind it, the feeling of your mouth on his cock, the way you're looking up at him and the fact he hasn't had anyone suck him off in actual years too much for his brain to process, whereas his body seems to have a mind of its own as he does as he's been told.

"That's my boy", you chuckle and pull his boxer brief down his thick thighs, littering the soft skin in open mouthed kisses as you use both of your hands to stroke the impressive length of his cock.

"Remember how I asked to never say my name?"

Your hot breath fans against the sensitive tip of his cock and just when you're about to pull away, Heeseung starts nodding frantically, despair and need bubbling up his throat in the form of high pitched whimpers and moans.

"Once she picks up I want you to moan nothibg but my name, okay?"

"F-Fuck", at this point Heeseung's convinced he's going to pass out from hos good you're already making him feel, despite not even getting to the actual event yet, "yes, Baby. Want you to claim me. Show her who owns me, make me proud."

Just as usual his words don't fail to send jolts of hot arousal straight into your cunt and with a soft whine you curse at him for being so casual about things like this when you've been trying so hard to stay composed.

You carefully watch the way your boyfriend dial her number, putting her on speaker and casually throwing his head back with a loud moan of your name as soon as her voice makes its way through the speaker.

With a big smile you finally wrap your lips around his cock and don't even waste too much time, taking as much of his length down your throat as possible.

"Fuck, that's my girl", Heeseung grunts and pushes his hand into your hair, his hips bucking up and theusting his cock a little further into your mouth and the lore his precum coats the muscle of your tongue, the harder your eyes roll intot he back of your head, "there you go, that's it, Y/N."

For some reason it sounds weird to hear your boyfriend use your name but you canmt help but press your thighs together at the raspiness in his voice and with each movement of your head, you can feel the way Heeseung's whole body tenses up just a little bit more.

"What the fuck?"

You don't know if that Sumin's first verbal reaction since your whole focus remains on your task at hand, the feeling of Seung's cock laying so perfectly on your tongue and the tip hitting the back of your throat with each of his thrusts taking over your senses but you donmt even try to hide just how much you love it.

After having to deal with her stupid messages and random calls you've finally had enough. You didn't want to give her the memory of a voicemail, a video or a picture and as you imagine her face of shock and envy, you can help but let out a soft hum with your lips still firmly wrapped around your boyfriend's cock.

"I love you so much", Heeseung suddenly grunts, his lids pressed shut, neck and face completely flushed and from the way his knuckles have started turning white you can tell just how much he's trying to hold himself back.

"My pretty little princess, my everything."

Maybe it's the thought of him being just as into your attempt of claiming him or maybe it's just how honest and genuine his words sound despite his current state of pleasure, yet either way you can't help but pull away with a loud gasp to look up at him.

You never once stop stroking him, the mixture of your spit and his precum enough to make you feel sloppy and as if he could feel your eyes on him, Heeseung slowly opens his own to meet your gaze with a lazy smile.

"Did you hear that?"

Thise words aren't directed at you, but Heeseung confidently refuses to shift his gaze away from your face, gently caressing your heated cheek with his hand before he wipes away your saliva from your chin.

"You're fucking disgusting."

It'd be a lie if you said her response didn't surprise you a little. You kind of expected her to either cry or having hung up by now, knowing she's still listening just boosts your ego even further.

"Thanks", Heeseung grunts and takes your face into his big hands, wordlessly telling you to take a deep breath right before he slowly pushes his cock into your mouth and all the way down your throat.

"F-Fuck, that's my perfect girl. Nobody does it like you, Y/N. You're so fucking good."

You can tell just how much your boyfriend enjoys claiming you in such a lewd and intimate manner, the thought of him being into your possessiveness like this making the whole process of deepthroating him even easier for you and with tears streaming down your cheeks you casually start swallowing around him.

"Oh, sh-shit", his voice is hoarse and raspy from his constant whimpers and moans, a sound so beautiful you never want to hear anything else in your life, "you're all I ever wanted, angel girl. My biggest dream come true, fuck."

As your head slowly starts spinning from the lack of oxygen, your can't help but whimper in response to his sweet confession and just as you pull away to gasp for air, Heeseung's whole body tenses up in a way too familiar manner.

"Look at me, princess. Wanna cum all over that pretty face and then do the same in that perfect little cunt."

Heeseung's words are lewd and unhinged, slmething you've grown way too used to in these past few weeks but for some reason yiu seem to find comfort and confidence in them.

With a soft smile you pull away just enough to look up at him, your lips parted, tongue sticking out and your eyes never once shifting away from his face to make sure you get the best view of his perfect features contorting in pleasure when he finally reaches his much needed relief.

"Fuck you both."

That's the last thing Sumin basically screams into the phone and as if he had waited for her to end the call, Heeseung stumbles head first into the waves of his climax and finishes all over your face without a single touch and your name the only thing to fall past his swollen lips; three thick spurts of his creamy cum covering most of your cheeks as well as your top lip.

"You're fucking perfect", Heeseung sighs once he manages to catch his breath, instinctively collecting his cum from your face and casually pushing it into your mouth, just to lose his mind at the way you seem to genuinely enjoy the taste of his relief.

"But now it's my turn, right, princess?"

You don't know what exactly you've expected when hearing those words, yet your boyfriend pushing your face intk the mattress and eating you out for exactly an hour definitely wasn't it. After your fourth orgasm you genuinely can't hold back the tears any longer; the overstimulation leaving your whole body in a constant state of high pressure and with soft sobs you basically beg Heeseung to finally fuck you.

But he wouldn't be true to himself if he didn't get back at you for your little remarks and comments, which is why your boyfriend is more than just determined to push you into the absolute depth of your pleasure with every single one of his thrusts. By the time you feel like you're actually about to pass out, you've long lost count on your orgasms, whereas Heeseung just gives you enough time to breathe so he can make sure you reach your seventh high of the night together.

And as he realises that you've actually blacked out from the overstimulation, Seungie can't help but smile cheekily, no matter how worried he is. And just as expected it doesn't take you longer than a minute to wake up, drool running down your chin, tears finding their way down your cheeks as you physically struggle to keep your eyes open.

"Petty bitch", you hiss and try your best not to move, yet your whole body cringing at the feeling of his thick cum soilling out if your overly sensitive cunt, "all I did was tease you a little. You did not have to do all of this."

Heeseung throws his head back and lets out a row of chuckles, his whole body flushed and coated in the thinnest layer of sweat, a sight so perfect you actually feel like you're dreaming.

"I love you so fucking much", you whisper against his lips and pull him closer to your body, actually craving the feeling of his skin against yours despite the oast three hours of physical intimacy.

And as Heeseung allows himself to take in the way you're looking at him, he actually feels tears pricking at the corners of his eyes; gratitude and disbelief meeting in the midst of his chest when he realises that his dreams have actually become reality.

"I'm so in love with you", he whispers and casually ignores how his voice breaks at the end of his sentence, "my first and only love."

After almost a decade of denying, suppressing and ignoring his feelings, Heeseung has finally found his way home and life has never, ever felt as good as this.

← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

(A/N: and this marks the last written chapter for poison, i'm absolutely NOT crying (been tearing up throughout the whole writing process) and i honestly dont even know what to say except i hope you guys liked it and know how much i love and appreciate you all. aending everyone the fattest kiss. feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!!!🥺🩷🧸)

TAGLIST CLOSED: @soonigiri @thvhannie @enhaz1 @kpoprhia @abrazosolorcereza @deobitifull @mixtape-racha @certifiedmoa @jungwon-xo @hoonieluv @enhamysunshines @jaehoonii @pussyslayerhd @ineedsomezzz @neocockthotology @heerinnie @onionzzzs @hee-pster @3amstarlight @xxxxrvexxxx @primroselover @mimikittysblog @iea-tsand @lhspeachie @xiaoderrrr @viagumi @smg-valeria @kells5595 @heeseunghee7 @xrvrqs @ddazed-lhs @heebrry @fakeuwus @dammit-jjk @ivyannemarie @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @s00buwu

[kyotosworld]

I Love You More

a/n: this is inspired by "i love you more" by the softies you can listen to it while reading if you want :) also this is my first fanfic….

summary: natasha starts drifting away after she gets into a relationship and you can't handle it.

pairing: natasha romanoff x fem!reader, natasha romanoff x bruce banner

word count: 1k

warnings: angst, language

You watched as natasha laughed at something bruce said while they sat close together on the couch. It was nice to see her so happy with someone for once, but a part of you felt bitter that that someone wasn’t you. 

It was team movie night, and even though you were meant to be having fun, you felt trashy having to see nat sit so close to bruce. You want to be the one cuddling up next to her and keeping her warm, but that’s not happening.

It’s been some time since just you and natasha have hung out. You've been seeing her less and less ever since she started dating Bruce. You felt like you had to compete for her time, but it wasn’t much of a competition seeing as, more often than not, bruce won. 

You knew there was no chance that nat saw you the way you saw her, so you never risked saying anything that might make it obvious how much you loved her. Or how much you despise the fact that Bruce can openly express his feelings for her while you can't. So instead, you love her quietly. 

You’re brought out of your thoughts when she smiles at you, and you try your best not to show how much it affects you before you smile back.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You’re excited. You have plans to go to your and nat’s favourite cafe, which you've been wanting to go to for so long. You and her used to go all the time before she started dating bruce, and you were glad to be resuming the tradition. She promised to take you, and you've been looking forward to some time with her. 

You are ready long before you have to be and decide to wait for her in the kitchen—where you guys chose to meet up. You start to get uneasy as it reaches the time when nat was meant to be here but isn't. You decide to wait longer, hoping she’ll be here soon. 

She finally walks into the kitchen, and you’re ecstatic to see her. Nat looks over at you, notices you're dressed—more than usual—looks down at herself in pyjamas, then looks back up at you with a guilty expression. Your heart breaks as you realize she forgot. 

“Oh.. it totally slipped my mind.” Nat slaps her palm on her forehead. "I'm sorry; I've been so preoccupied with Bruce, and...I can't believe I forgot; I really wanted to go. Me and bruce were out late last night, and I'm exhausted right now..”

“Oh no. It's fine,” you say, pushing down the hurt. “I’m kinda tired anyway.” You lie. 

She at least has the decency to look like she feels bad. “Are you sure, love?” 

You hated when she called you that. You hated how much more it made you love her. 

“Yeah yeah, we’ll just go another time.” You tiredly smiled, not at all believing what you were saying. 

“Of course,” she smiled. And you hated that that was all it took for you to forgive her. Regardless, it stung that something that meant so much to you didn't even cross her mind. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Natasha looked so beautiful as she tended the bar. It was another one of tony's parties, and nat was bartending. You stood on the side as you watched her, actively trying to ignore bruce’s presence. 

You hated him. However, you knew your anger wasn’t really justified. Bruce didn’t actually do anything wrong; he only did what you’ve wanted to do for so long—be with natasha.

As much as you hated their relationship, you did notice how much happier natasha seemed. And seeing her like that only made you love her more.  

You didn’t feel like you were worthy of being with her, she’s everything good, and you felt like the complete opposite. You hoped you could be enough for her, but you also knew it was too late for that.

If natasha being happy meant forgetting about you, you were okay with it. All you could do was hope that bruce loved her at least half as much as you did.

Every now and then, when you and Nat hung out it made you happy. Up until she’d mention bruce, which made you feel horrible.

There were times when you’d prefer she go to him because it seemed like that's all she wanted anymore. There was nothing keeping her with you anyway. But you would take all the time you could get with her, even if she only talked of him.  

She was spending more and more time with bruce, meaning you saw her less, and you missed her. It almost felt like she was ignoring you. You were sick of feeling this way, so jealous, when she didn't even give you a second glance. 

You even tried to convince yourself that you didn't have feelings for nat. You tried dating to distract yourself, but nothing ever worked. You were starting to accept that you were losing nat and that you’d never have her the way you wanted to. Maybe you were meant to end up alone, maybe you‘d rather. 

Knowing that you would feel much better if you weren't reminded of what you can't have, you decide to leave the party. When you finally get out, you somehow hear your name over the loud music and turn to see nat.

“You’re leaving already?” She asks, somewhat out of breath.

“Yeah, I'm kinda sick of all of Tony's parties.” You try to laugh, and she chuckles. 

“Mm..are you sure? We haven’t even danced yet.” She teases. 

A part of you considers going back in with her until she speaks again, “Look, I know I've been spending so much time with bruce, but you’ve been nothing but understanding. Thank you.” She says sweetly.

You gulped before replying, “of course.” Never mind, you’d rather not go back in. 

“Ok, well, if you’re sure about not coming back in, I’ll see you later, love.” Nat squeezes your hands before letting go and walking back inside. 

It hurt. It hurt to hear her say that. And it hurt to watch her leave, to be with him, and not you.

[hutchersonsgurl]

Date Night with Mike

You and Mike have been dating in secret because you don't know how Abby will take it because you are her babysitter

Part 1

You are laying on the couch watching late-night TV and about to fall asleep Abby is in bed so you have been relaxing when Mike walks through the door mike walks into the house and kicks his shoes off and closes and locks the door he takes off his jacket and puts it on the table

Babe he says walking to the couch then leaning over looking at you I know your awake babe you smile as you look up at him you caught me but I'm so happy your home you say sitting up as mike sits down on the couch and pats on his lap you smile and crawl over on his lap

You look real tired baby you say as you play with his curls in his hair yeah I'm exhausted but im so happy to be with you I've missed you so much mike says as he puts his face in the crook of your neck I've missed you more it feels boring without you here. Even with abby? He questions I mean we have fun and there's never a dull moment but I miss my man a lot

Oh you have no idea how much I like hearing that come out of your mouth sweetheart you smirk as you look at him oh when I call you my man? You question oh hell yeah mike says as he leans in to kiss you

You kiss him back as you wrap your arms around him you can feel the bulge in his pants start to show

Oh someone missed me you say in between kisses mike kisses you back hot and heavy you can fell you start to heat up down there mike smirks at you and puts his hand down your pants sliding his fingers inside of your cunt slowly playing with your folds

You let out a moan shhh baby you wouldn't want to wake abby now would you? He says as he starts to finger fuck you pushing his fingers in and out

You put your face into the crook of his neck trying to muffle your moans your getting really turned on so you bounce on his crouch area

Daddy please take me to bed and fuck me already you ask

You want daddy to fuck you huh princess? He asks

Yes very much so you whine

Mike picks you up and you wrap your legs around his waist and he carrys you to his bedroom

He pushes the door shut with his foot then he carries you to his bed and lays you down softly on his bed he walks over to the door and locks you are just laying on his bed watching him with a smirk

You see something you like princess? Mike says crawling ontop of you and looking at you with hazel eyes always daddy every time I see you I feel like I'm dreaming he smirks as he pulls down your pants and throws them on the floor after that he pulls off your shirt he notices you don't have a bra on oh my I never get sick of seeing my girls he says as he puts one in his hand and he starts biting your other nipple he slowly kisses down your body top to bottom while still holding one of your tits he slowly slides down your underwear and throws them on the floor you won't be needing those Mike says with a smirk but I love to see how wet you are for me baby girl baby all you have to do is look at me and I'm wet you say oh yeah? Mike says with a purr in his voice he leans back down and he start to lick up your body just above your cunt you let out a soft moan and you reach for his pants eager to get him out of those jeans so eager to have daddy aren't you? Mike smiles he lets you unbuckle his belt and take off his pants and boxers you throw both on the floor you stare at his dick thinking about how good it's gonna feel when he's inside of you you put your hand up and start stroking his dick his dick starts to get harder you can already see that his tip already has some precum he looks at you with the hunger in his eyes as lean down to your cunt he spreads your legs and he spits on your cunt I'm about to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk Tomorrow he says I can't wait babe you say with a smile he pushes his dick inside of you it takes only but a second to get use to him he starts thrusting into your hard back and forward "oh fuck you feel so damn good you take my cock so good princess he says with the rasp in his voice you start moaning while holding on to his bed daddy I'm about to cum I know baby girl I'm gonna too cum for me baby girl you cum all over his dick with sigh and he comes inside of you and he falls down on the other side of you on the bed I know we didn't use a condom but maybe it wouldn't be so bad being a dad he says with a smile you serious? You say looking at him of course I'm serious baby I would start a family with you in a heartbeat he says stroking your face with his thumb but mike you won't even tell your sister that we are together you say looking back at him I was meaning on talking to you about that I want to tell her tomorrow night that you are mine he says kissing you softly if your okay with that baby so am I you say as you kiss him back

____________________________________________

Part 2

[nightmyst14-blog]

Regaining treasures pt 1

Welp, I'm keeping my promise. Time for angst and hurt/comfort in the Golden Cheese Kingdom.

This is in my Rebloomed Lilies Au, but I am not sure where yet. But I hope you enjoy!

Setting: Golden Cheese Kingdom ruins. The ancients receive a letter from Golden Cheese Cookie, asking for their help with something important, needing a few ingredients. She didn't explain why, but it was urgent.

Pure Vanilla: Well, here we are.. *looking around*

White Lily: *looks around at the broken buildings and fallen statues* Oh witches… Her oasis… Her temples…

Dark Cacao: From what the children told us. It is.. *frowns* Much more troublesome seeing it in person…

??: There you are!! 

*The three turned to look, seeing Golden Cheese flying over to them, the wielder of the light of Abundance was dressed in a more casual outfit, followed by a green haired Cookie with glasses.

Golden Cheese: You made it! *hugs Dark Cacao* Well, most of you.

Pure Vanilla: *smiles sadly* Sadly, dear Holly couldn't make it, and is caught up with things in her own kingdom.

Dark Cacao: *hugs her back* She has asked us to bring gifts for you. Are you alright, Birdie? You look exhausted.

Golden Cheese: *pauses, smiles* ...Let’s get inside first. Get out of this annoying heat, yes?

*Golden Cheese leads them inside the temple, where cheesebirds and a few cookies were seen, the cookies seeming to be tending to others who was injured.*

Pure Vanilla: *soon looks at the green haired cookie* Um, Goldie? Who is this?

Golden Cheese: Oh this is Olive cookie. She’s a friend of that Adventurer Cookie you all hired to find me.

Olive: *smiles, giddy* That’s me! I-I must say, It is an honor to be in the presence of even 4 of the ancients!! Your majesty, I am a FAN of each of your civilizations' work!!

Dark Cacao: Nice you meet you madam.

Golden Cheese: She has been extremely helpful with her vast interest in my kingdom. With her help, I've managed to awaken some of my subjects. Its a slow process but its working.

??: *small girl wrapped in bandages approached the group, reaching up to the queen herself.* Nana?

White Lily: *confused* A tiny mummy?

Golden Cheese: *smiles, picking the girl up* Hello sweetie. How are you?

Pure Vanilla: Such a cute little crumb! Who is this?

Golden Cheese: This is Fettuccine, my grandchild.. Fett, these are my friends. Dark Cacao, Pure Vanilla, and White Lily.

Fettuccine: *giggles* Hi hi!

Dark Cacao: Grandchild?

Golden Cheese: *nods* Found her in archives. She kept allowing me around, so I adopted her.

Pure Vanilla: *chuckles* Never expected you to be so fond of children, dear Cheese!

Golden Cheese: hehe, yeah. *frowns a bit, shakes her head* How about we get something to eat?You three must be tired from your journey.

*By midday, Golden Cheese offered her friends a nice lunch in the river spot in the middle of the temple. Her servants continue to help, despite her adamant waving off for them to go rest. She was a queen, but not helpless. She relished in the gifts her friends brought her, her wing flapping in happiness *

Pure Vanilla: *reading over Olive’s notes* Ms. Olive, this is amazing research! The details are immaculate!

Olive: *chuckles* Aww gee, thank you your majesty! Golden Cheese Kingdom is a mysterious and fascinating place. I’m just glad my research is helping restore this place.

Golden Cheese: *offering Fettuccine a cheese bun,smiles* I’ve been thinking of making her my scribe once my palace is complete! *sips on a glass of berry juice*

Dark Cacao: *twiddling with his fork* But Golden Cheese, I must ask.. Why did you call us here? 

*Pure Vanilla, White Lily, and Olive looked at the golden queen, seeing her face go from happy to pained to sad.*

Fettuccine: *touches Golden Cheese’s arm* ..Faba?

*Golden Cheese frowned a bit,soon picking up Fettuccine. She nodded to the little mummy, looking at the others*

Golden Cheese: *sighs* I guess I cant waste anymore time huh? Follow me. 

*soon leading them into a hidden room.*

*Three sarcophagi laid there, each with a different animal head on them. A bull, a falcon, and a jackal. Etched on the coffins were each different times of day, morning dawn, midday, and midnight. The queen approached one, a shaky hand touched the middle one, looking sad.*

White Lily: *worried* Golden Cheese…?

Golden Cheese: Heh. This is my hidden treasure room. I.. I keep the most sacred of treasures… Ones birthed from my feathers…

Fettuccine: *waddles to the jackal sarcophagus, touches it* Faba..

Pure Vanilla: Birthed from your feathers..? *frowns* You mean…

Dark Cacao: Children. She means children, Vanilla.

White Lily: *shocked, covers her mouth*

Golden Cheese: *nods* I came back to my kingdom, I found them dead. I managed to collect their souls and their bodies back together, crumb by crumb. But.. I can't wake them up…

Pure Vanilla: So that’s why you asked for our help.

Golden Cheese: *nods, hears something* Oh, um… excuse me. *leaves the room*

White Lily: *falls to her knees* I… She.. *sniffs* I did this…

[bteezxyewriter12]

Take My Picture~ San 2

Pairing- San x Named Reader

Word count- 2k

Includes- Loving Sannie, Total boyfriend San, oral, pussy eating, cum eating, missionary, sex from behind, multiple orgasms, lots of fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine

@yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana

@tannie13 @y00nzin0 @yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe

@wisejudgedragonhairdo

@meowmeowminnie @woo-stars

@borntowalkaway @usagionthered @marsstarxhwa @kjqueen05 @san-realblkwife

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Take My Picture Masterlist 📝Masterlists

📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝San Masterlist

J POV

My boyfriend is hot

There's simply nothing else to say

I watch him as he dances his heart out on stage, sweat in his hair and pouring down his shirt

Front row is awesome

I'm enjoying it because it's one of the rare times he's letting me be in the crowd instead of backstage

I get his reasons

He's scared I'll get hurt or some sasaeng will attack me

He's been super protective since he went public with our relationship

But after I agreed to have at least three bodyguard around me, he relented

And I know he's watching me as much as he can

And me?

I'm having a blast

Taking pictures of my baby

I got good ones of him when he's not putting on his sexy persona- a rare picture of him after a song, just standing with his head tilted back

Beautiful

He's fucking beautiful

He gives a smoldering stare at the crowd and yeah my panties are flooded

I take a few pictures, then put my phone down, watching him

I know he's going to be exhausted tonight

He has been for after every concert of this tour

He brought me on tour this time and I can see first hand how tired he is

He's barely able to stand in the shower to take one

I have to go in with him and help him, which I don't mind

But he's too tired to make any moves even when I'm naked against him

And he knocks out as soon as his head hits the pillow

It's ok, sex with us isn't everything

I'm happy holding him all night

Plus he makes up for it on other days

His eyes move to mine, smiling, dimples on display

I wave back, smiling and blowing him a kiss

He laughs and I wish I could hear it because the sound is so musical

The guys get ready for another song and I'm ready to sing along then take care of him when we get back to the hotel

---------------------------

I sit on the bed waiting until San gets out of the shower

He was coherent enough to go in alone

It's fine, whatever he wants I'll do

I wait for him while I watch videos on YouTube

A little while later, the door to the bathroom opens and San comes out in his PJs, wet blonde hair brushes back off his face

He looks so good with blond hair

He looks good with any hair

Any style, any color

As he gets in the bed, I put my tablet away, laying down

He moves to me and I open my arms, holding him against me

"Tired Sannie?"

"A little"

Huh, usually he's out by now

"Oh. What do you want to do baby?"

He lifts his head from my shoulder, his eyes on mine

"I want you"

With that he kisses me softly, his beautiful lips moving on mine

His hands touch my body, moving along my side, leaving fire on my skin

"I want you so much", he mumbles as he starts to kiss my neck, in the spots I love, shivering in his arms

I want him too

I always want him

Moving my hands under his shirt, I pull it off, dropping it on the floor

I stare at my gorgeous boyfriend, his body so strong and muscular while his skin is so soft and smooth

I love looking at him as well as touching him

He reaches for my top, saying, "I've been waiting to take these clothes off you all day"

He holds me up, sliding my shirt gently off my body, so that he doesn't rip it

He pushes me back down, taking my pj shorts and panties in one go

After I take his pants off, he says, "Lay still for me naekkeo?"

I nod, biting my lip as I watch him

He starts kissing my stomach and sides, moving his kisses up until he reaches my lips

He kisses me sweetly and gently, the kiss full of love

When the kiss ends, he moves back, puts his hands on my legs and opens them wider

Then I feel his tongue lick me and I jump

It feels so good

And when he starts licking more, I can't hold my moan back

I love San's tongue, he's so fucking good with it

He's always been good with it even the first time he ate me out, which was the first time he ate anyone out

His tongue just hits all the right spots

My hand goes in his hair on it's own and I pull

He moans when I do and I feel myself get so much more wet

When his tongue moves to my clit it's over

He only has to lick me a few times before I cum, shouting

"San oh god"

And he doesn't stop

He keeps going, making noises like he's eating something good

"God so good. I could eat my pussy all day", he tells me

He moves back to my clit and he puts his mouth around it, sucking on me

"Oh god Sannie", I cry, the pleasure intensifying, "Don't stop baby"

My hips move up on their own, his loud moans so hot, "Keep going naekkeo"

He switches between licking everywhere and sucking on my clit while my hips just keep going up, pushing me into his mouth more

"Fuck Sannie, your fucking tongue is amazing", I cry, praising him

He sucks on my clit again and I orgasm screaming, bliss filling every nerve

God it feels fucking incredible

"Yeah baby. More. I want more", he groans

He slides his tongue in and I shout from the pleasure

He makes it feel so good every time

When he starts moving his tongue inside, my moans get louder, my hips moving faster, fucking on his tongue

He pulls out to tell me, "Baby, cum on my tongue."

His tongue goes back in, wiggling inside and I clench on his tongue, throbbing on it over and over

God I can't handle it

Light explodes in my vision and my body arches off the bed and I scream again, coming around his tongue

He pulls his tongue out for a second, swallowing, then puts it back in

The feeling of his tongue slipping back in is intense prolonging my orgasm

"Mmmm baby", he groans, "My pussy gives me such sweet cream"

God, he's fucking sexy

My body comes back down on the bed when I finish, relaxing

San kisses my pussy, then moves on top of me, opening my legs and wrapping them around his waist

He slams inside in one stroke, bottoming out and stretching me so pleasurably

Pleasure instantly returns to my body as he starts going really fast and hard

So rough but it feels so fucking good

I love when he's rough

He knows just how much to go to make it mind blowing but not hurt

"God Sannie"

He pulls out then turns me over on all fours and pounds right back in both of us screaming in pleasure

"Fuck baby you feel so good. I could stay in you forever", he murmurs, his words make me tremble, "My tight, wet cunt takes me so well, sucking me back in. You want my cock this much?"

"Yes", I moan, getting up on my hands a little and I start slamming back on him, when he thrusts in, shoving him deeper inside me

"Fuck naekkeo. So deep. That fff...feels amazing. Don't stop baby."

I keep moving and he picks up the pace, drilling his head into my spot

"God your hole is so pretty, opening wide for me. So wet, creaming my cock so well", he praises, "Throbbing so fucking fast. Gonna cum for me?"

"Yes Sannie", I moan, the constant pounding to my spot clouding my brain and I'm ready to cum

"Make a mess on my cock baby", he demands, thrusting in and I scream his name, coming around his pretty length

"That's it baby girl. Good girl. Fuck so much cream. I love it"

Fuck it feels so amazing

As soon as I finish he picks me up, leaning my back against his chest with me still on my knees

When he thrusts up, he goes in so fucking deep, I scream in ecstasy

I'm holding on to the headboard, my head falling back on his shoulder while he fucks me hard

His lips press kisses to my neck over and over as he keeps one arm around my body, holding me against him

His other hand snakes down, fingers playing with my clit

"Ahhh Sannie", I cry, the double stimulation so mind blowing

"You gonna cum again baby?", he whispers in my ear

"Yes", I whine

"Good girl"

His fingers keep playing with me, rubbing around in circles

The pleasure from that and his cock slamming hard and deep, is so incredibly amazing

"Come on baby. I know you want to cum on my cock."

"Yeah", I whimper

"Then do it baby. Fall apart for me"

After a few more thrusts and his fingers moving I shout, ecstasy blinding me as I fall headfirst into an intense orgasm

"Fuck baby yes. Such a good girl squirting for me. Fuck, drench me naekkeo. Keep going, I want it all"

I can't even speak, I'm just riding the waves of pleasure

When it's over I'm so fucking tired

San pulls out, moving me on my back, my legs on his shoulders, cock thrusting inside me again

I clench on him hard as he yells, "Yes naekkeo. Squeeze my fucking cock. I love it Don't stop"

His cock fucks into me, splitting me open, another massive wave of bliss coming over me, another orgasm taking over my shaking body

I don't know how I can still keep getting them, but San knows what he's fucking doing and knows how to get my body to cum

He always makes me cum as many times as he can

It's like his mission and honestly I love it

"One more baby. One more and I'll fill you with cum ok?"

I nod, whimpering wordlessly

He leans over me, his hands going on either side of my head, my legs pressed to my chest

He drills his cock in over and over and my pussy holds his cock in a vice grip, pulsating hard as I release all over him

"Sannie", I whisper

"Fuck naekkeo. I love seeing your cum on my cock, it turns me on so much", he whines, "Fuck baby, don't let go of me. Don't let go. I'm coming"

I tighten and hold on to his cock while he orgasms, warmth filling me as he shoots his sticky cum inside me

"Yes Sannie!"

"Fuck Joanne, fuck yes!", he cries

My pussy still spasms around him, milking his cock for everything he has

"So good naekkeo", he whispers as he finishes

After he pulls out, gently pulling my legs down

I whimper from the soreness but San is quick to massage my thighs, making my muscles loosen and feel better

"Good jagi?", he asks

"Yeah baby", I answer, tiredly

"Is my naekkeo ready to sleep?", he teases, smiling his gorgeous dimpled smile

"Definitely", I smile, my head all woozy, "You don't have to stay baby. I know you have to work"

Right now I don't know what he has to do but I think it's work

"Naekkeo its one am and I just finished a concert. I don't have work right now. It's night"

"Mmm is it?", I ask, nodding off

"Aww baby, I tired you out huh? You're more tired than I am"

"Hmmm"

"Alright baby. Sleepy time"

I feel San get up and I'm vaguely aware that the lights turn off

The bed dips again and I immediately feel his warm body next to me, his arms around me

I feel myself being moved on to him, and I cuddle into his body, on the verge of sleepy

He kisses my forehead, "I love you Jo"

"I love you Sannie"

"Sleep baby. You're so tired", he coos

"Mmmm", I hum, so comfortable in my baby's arms and I drift off to sleep easily

[tsukuyomii45]

TW: Mental Health & Dark Thoughts

--

I truly hate depression. I've never despised something this much in my life and it's been plaguing me for as long as I can remember.

I even hate the ones that romanticize it even more and act like it's a quirk to have and not a real disease that can actually kill someone.

I managed to control the desire to hurt myself, but I am having trouble with my dark thoughts. That does not mean I'm going to attempt something, I don't mean to scare anyone. I'm proud I haven't reached that far despite those thoughts.

I was in denial that I had depression, but it didn't take me more than half a year to actually acknowledge that this is what I have.

Those thoughts are there. They're there. And I just wait for that relief to come by itself, not by my own hands.

I cannot afford to keep looking and going through some sort of trial-and-error until I reach a proper therapist, so I do plan on trying to heal and keep going on my own. No, I do not want anything or any sort of donations - I'm just saying that this particular field has become some type of industry in certain places, which only makes me feel more resentful.

The therapist I spoke to didn't do much for me, so I never bothered again. I'm very happy for the ones that found a proper therapist that is helping them heal. And I applaud the ones that are healing on their own.

I'm so tired.. I don't feel excited anymore, I just feel like I'm existing and waiting for this existence to cease one day.

When I recovered after being hospitalized, I was just wondering why it didn't just end there. But I guess it's not time yet. Like I said, I will not do it. I will not hurt myself. I will not end myself. I'm just waiting for it to come naturally in whatever unknown way.

I'm only tired of the constant sadness even when it's like there is no reason to be sad sometimes. I'm only tired of the constant emptiness when there is something that would normally stimulate a person. I'm tired of the masks I need to put on just so I can get through the day and make people think that I'm fine. I'm tired of the traumatic events replaying in my head in bursts, and the fragments of dark memories that stops me from functioning like a normal person. I'm tired of the sleepless nights and waking up with a panic attack. I'm tired of being so physically exhausted that I don't wanna take care of myself anymore.

I'm just tired.

[marshmallowloves]

I already have a self insert goddess for Hades but I'm kind of in love with this new human AU...thing I've been thinking of, very loosely inspired by a fic I read - which is, what if Cici frickin' died and was a shade. and just kinda rolls up into the House of Hades like (Dan Avidan in the "mark zuckerberg" bit voice) "I'm very tired" gkshfkg. I dunno if her name will actually be Cici, but that's what I'll call her right now for the sake of simplicity.

so here's the story I have for her so far (read: kinda bullshitting it as I go fjshf) sorry it's long -u-;;

TL;DR: tired mortal girl is visited regularly by Hypnos in her dreams to help her sleep, and becomes his favorite. Dies young in her sleep, reunites with him in the House of Hades as a shade, strings get pulled by Zagreus and now (bill wurtz voice) that's just where she lives.

In life, she was an all around normal but very nice human. She spent a lot of time doing things for others around her so they were happy and content, even in the dead of night - so much that she eventually started to neglect her own wellbeing without realizing it.

During one such sleepless night, where she's so exhausted but fighting to stay awake that she slips in and out of consciousness, she's visited by the god of sleep himself. He sees that she's deserving of a good rest for once, and chats away with her in her semi-conscious state for a brief time, before lulling her into a deep and peaceful sleep.

It becomes kind of a Thing™ between them, where Hypnos visits and spends the night with her when she struggles to sleep. (and it gives reason as to why he's sometimes absent from the main hall in-game 👀) He never learns her name, but for some reason he can't figure out, this mortal is just so interesting to him that he keeps coming back. She fights to stay awake, but loves his visits and revels in the rest that he gives her, she's so kind and she looks so cute when she sleeps... altogether it's a series of pleasant visits for the both of them.

One night in her dreams, she feels...strange, and weaker. When Hypnos visits, he solemnly explains that she has died in her sleep. He's here to give her one more night of peaceful rest and pleasant company in the mortal realm before his brother comes to guide her away. Hypnos tells her that of the few living mortals he's ever gotten to visit, she was his favorite.

When she emerges from the Pool of Styx, she's quite confused. But she's ushered into line, where she recognizes her companion in the night keeping track of the shades like her. She asks him what happened, and he reads her name off his list. Says there that she neglected her health in life, and died in her sleep from the complications it caused - and quite early in her short human life, to boot, what a shame...

He doesn't seem to recognize her as he explains this...which is weird, because he's usually aware of people who die in their sleep - it's the closest thing he gets to spending time with his brother, after all. But she says they do know each other - he used to visit her and help her sleep, lending her the comfort of his plush robe and their gentle chats.

And then, after a moment, he recognizes the color of her sleep clothes, and those soft blue eyes...his favorite human was here again, and it's all he can do to keep from sweeping her up in his arms again - Lord Hades is right there watching, after all - and neither of them want to leave each other's side again just yet.

This is where I kinda start reaching, but I figure at this point Zagreus has gotten pretty close to everyone in the house, maybe it's even post-Persephone so things are less tense overall? And I imagine he pulls some strings to let Cici stay in the house, as a favor to Hypnos. I dunno what kind of deal gets struck... I thought about her being hired to work with the contractor, but she's the one who does the more simple decorative stuff like the rugs and floral arrangements?

I dunno but either way she kinda stays under Hypnos' watch, stays in his room most of the time (...I like to think he has a room there fksjg) but sometimes gets to hang out in the lounge or interact with Zagreus.

[hibernationsuit]

41 (Comfort food) and 49 (nightfall), together or separately :)

gonna do separately bc comfort food got too long and also stays under the cut bc of tow worldbuilding and toby's fucked up eating habits 💔

nightfall is nicer and shorter tho <3

comfort food: Based on that one 'standing in front of an almost empty fridge at 3am' doodle. Also lots of thoughts on food & Halcyon's food situation. And memories of Earth </3 warnings: disordered eating

nightfall: Klara & Tobias sit on a sea shore after long day of packing boxes bc Klara is moving. No warnings here :3

comfort food

Waking up in the middle of the night with hunger pangs had become so usual that ADA stopped commenting it. Or maybe she got tired of me never answering to her queries about it. What was I supposed to say, "Sorry I barely ever eat?"

I turned to another side and tried to fall asleep again, knowing well it won't work.

Eating food here has been hard since the beginning, but ever since hearing what Dr. Chartrand and the Board have been hiding, I've started feeling bad about even thinking of eating properly. I'm not from here, I'm not supposed to be here. Why should the food be used on me? I knew thinking like that was wrong, yet I couldn't control my thoughts.

I got up slowly and reached for the red tailcoat hanging on the chair. No idea what kind of fabric Celeste used, but its soft texture felt nice and comforting. It reminded me of that pink sweater Klara used to wear back in university. No point thinking about it now.

Fridge seemed to be farther than ever, and walking quietly to not wake anyone up felt harder than ever. ADA seemed to pity me and switched on every lamp as I walked near it all the way to the kitchen.

Law, I craved some pasta. Not the kind they have here, but some Earth-made one. The mushroom vegetarian carbonara we used to make with Klara on Friday evenings. What I wouldn't give to eat one more plate. Or those left-over chocolate croissants I used to eat for breakfast, or as a midnight snack. The real comfort food if ever had one.

Opening the fridge never felt so disappointing. The drawn boarst drawing on the lonely can seemed to laugh at me for not eating it.

--------

nightfall

"To think, if someone told me I'd be ready to move out before the sunset, I'd laugh at them," Klara said and took a bite from her ice cream. The seagull in front of our bench stared at her with a jealous look on its face, but Klara didn't seen to mind. Either she was too exhausted to care after today, or too happy about moving from a dorm to care. Even if the wind was getting stronger and nightfall had arrived, bringing chillier air. "Won't have to deal with that for a few years now, huh."

"Few years? You got lucky with your rent."

"Yeah. Two bedrooms, a living room and a balcony. Open kitchen isn't my thing though."

"With you on that. My parents' place had it and the couch smelled like food all the time. Funniest thing is that we weren't allowed to take food to the living room. Which was in the same space."

"That's weird," she shrugged and continued rambling about her new place, "I still decided to take the apartment. I mean, it's not like I cook a lot."

"What are you going to do with a second bedroom though?"

"I, well, um...I was thinking I could get a roommate or something."

"Ooh, who?"

"You."

"Oh."

[justekasmindx]

12/26/2023 11:47 AM

Yesterday's Christmas, everyone rushed to get out of work so that they could go cooking, socializing, dating, and celebrating. Except me, who decided to go home as soon as possible. Mom and grandma were both surprised because they're used to me going to places when there's no work the next day. I'm supposed to just sleep or read books. What I did was, I laid down, didn't have the appetite to eat, stared at my ceiling, had lots of thoughts, felt a bit lonely, missing my friends who invited me over to their places, but I didn't have the energy to face, I then missed this person whom I used to talk to every time I get home who I broke up with a month ago.

I then had a short conversation with my best friend who was currently eating out with her sisters looking so happy. Just like usual, I told her how I felt, and then I suddenly realized all of these feelings were just because of the holidays. I didn't actually miss him because I still wanted to go after him, but only because I was attached and it became part of a habit talking to him, so I know this will pass when I become successful in creating new daily habits.

This felt strange to me because I did not choose to escape this time. I chose to go home, deal with what I have, and sit with my emotions. I did not go to other places just to avoid how I felt just like what I used to do each day I found a vacant time that would make me overthink.

My therapist once said the theme of my life has always been about escaping. My rebuttal was because I can no longer see the sense and practicality of dealing with emotions caused by my past, I was hurt and now I choose to move forward. She said it would make me feel like I am moving forward but I would end up in a cycle that never breaks, that's why I feel exhausted, and frustrated and end up saying "Here we go again." The best way to break the cycle and to actually move forward is by going through all of it, feeling the emotions with balance, facing the pain, being comfortable even alone with my own thoughts until I reach the end of the tunnel until I can talk about it in repeats and until it does not hurt me at all.

So here I am, trying to entertain myself, healing my inner child, while trying to be a smart adult, manifesting abundance in life, and being patient for each outcome because I do not always succeed in overcoming my emotions.

I really do hope 2024 will give me and my family all of the favors in life. I am tired, I feel like I've been running my whole life and I now want to face each circumstance and live in peace. I might not get the love life that I want but I am begging for convenience and financial freedom. I am ready. I am ready to step up my game to achieve those.

[transboykirito]

happy new year 2023! it's already january first for me and i'm sorry for not posting this on new year's eve like i usually do, life has been... difficult. i'm glad we're all here and i'm glad everyone reading this made it this far. i love you all, seriously you're all amazing and i'm glad you're here.

this usually goes at the end but i rambled about my year too much, so here's a few people i wanted to say thank you to this year. this list is nowhere near complete, it's a lot shorter than usual, and if you follow or interact with my blog at all, i love you and thank you for being here <3

@sapphieissleepy i can't wrap up 2022 without thanking you for spicy mike. he has unironically brought me so much joy this year. so have you!! your asks always brighten my day and you start so many good discussions on this blog. i hope the new year is so good to you <3

@zodiac-senpai i don't know what i could say here that i haven't already said in our dms, but happy new year, talking to you this year has been so fun and i hope the next year is kinder to you and your heart <3

@kiri-tired happy new year kt, i know this one has been kinda sucky for you but seeing you come back made my day, i love seeing your posts and seeing you in my notifs. i hope 2023 is a lot better for you and i look forward to all the yujikiri the new year will bring <3

@namikiheights tbh thank you for putting up with my bullshit across two blogs i don't even want to see my own posts that much lmao. i love seeing you share your thoughts on sao and i love seeing your opinions on my opinions, it's been really cool to kinda get to know you this year!! i hope next year is really good to you, you deserve it <3

@thegayfromrulid where do i even begin? thank you for the opportunity you gave me this year, thank you for the kindness and friendship you've shown me for so many years now. i still have a long way to go, but thank you from the bottom of my heart. i hope that 2023 gives you as much kindess and patience as you give other people <3

i could sit here and thank all of you all day but. i really do love and cherish every single follower, everyone who likes or reblogs or comments on my posts, everyone who has ever continued the spicy micheal joke, the people who share headcanons or ask for mine, the yujikirisuna shippers, the light novel vs anime discussions. i love all of it and all of you. this year was so so difficult. for so many reasons. and this blog has been such a beautiful way to spend my time <3 i hope we'll continue this for the next year, and many years after (i'm never leaving this website)

2022 has been a real rollercoaster of a year. on the one hand, i got to do some really wonderful things that i've wanted to do for years, and on the other hand, some really terrible things happened that i'm still emotionally exhausted from. so here's something i didn't do last year: a recap of my year, because i didn't give you guys much about me irl this year.

in january, my brother reached out to us and asked if we wanted to meet with him again. this was a really big deal for us as my brother cut off almost all contact with us for around 7 or 8 years. rebuilding our relationship is slow and at times painful, but i'm glad to have him back.

february was a big month actually!! i got an iud and hysteroscopy which was a horrifying experience for me both from dysphoria and ptsd. i had a terrible, painful recovery. but, while i was still under the anaesthesia and struggled to type, talk, hold my phone or form a coherent thought, i texted an old friend who cut me off in 2021 and asked if it was okay to talk again. i wanted to apologise and i wasn't expecting forgiveness or a second chance, i don't really know what i expected at all, but we started talking again. i'm beyond thankful for that second chance and i'm determined to be better this time. i turned 18 a week later on the 27th. i genuinely spent most of 2021 in a blur and i didn't think i'd make it to my next birthday, so i was quietly very proud of myself.

in march i got my first tattoo!! i got my fairy tail guild symbol with the bi pride colours and a galaxy in it. it meant a lot to me and designing it with my artist was incredible, it looks exactly like what i pictured since i was 12 years old and first started wanting to get it tattooed. layer in march, on trans day of visibility, i started testosterone!! it's been slow and i don't think i've made any real progress, but just starting it made me feel so hopeful for my future.

in july, i started going to tafe. i was doing a makeup course that i had no real passion for, and it only made my self esteem issues and self confidence worse. i dropped it after a month because i was crying on the train every day.

in september i travelled insterstate to melbourne for crunchyroll expo!! i saw the sao exhibit which was fun and i got to cosplay asuna and yuuki. i got to meet one of my best friends irl for the first time after knowing them for 4 years, we actually met through sao, and hugging them felt like a dream.

in october, on kazuto's birthday, i got my second tattoo, his elucidator. he means so so much to me, carrying a piece of him under my skin forever is so special. then i was back in melbourne, this time for breast implants. it's something i've wanted my entire life (no exaggeration). because of complications i was born with, i needed surgery as a toddler to close my stomach. as a result, my skin and muscles are stretched so tightly across my chest that, as a teenager, i never naturally developed boobs. it got in the way of cosplaying a lot and destroyed my self confidence when i cosplay, so after begging for years, i finally got implants. recovery fucking sucked, emotionally and physically, and i actually have to go back in a few months to reposition one (my muscle wasn't strong enough to hold it in place properly lol) so i'm dreading that, but i'm glady body is starting to look like how i see it in my head.

in november i had a pregnancy scare and it was emotional and terrifying for all the worst and best reasons. while that situation wasn't great, i want to be a dad more than anything, and in late november i finally got the news that i can start ivf next year. my fertility issues are an ever-evolving journey, but i'm excited to see where this takes me in the next year, and hopefully this time next year i'll be experiencing new years with my baby.

the rest of the year was honestly very uneventful. i'm so thankful for all of you guys, my emotions have been a mess this year and this blog has been such an outlet for me. i love you guys, from the bottom of my heart, and happy and safe 2023 <3

mistletoe says she loves you all too <3

[livingasaghost]

september was not great folks, but we're trying <3

in the saddest realization of the season i discovered that my favorite part of the day is my 40m drive to work because it's chilly and i can see a lot of trees and the morning light and i also am in the perfect headspace to listen to Good Music and it's like when i used to make my morning playlists for opening the coffeeshop except soooo much more enjoyable

been listening to lots of holly humberstone and NF's new album and justin vernon stuff (bon iver, BRM, etc) and unfortunately gracie abrams - there's just something about all these artists being like "I AM THE PROBLEM ITS ME IM SORRY" that just speaks to me! that's not concerning at all!

laura and i talked for like two hours last night and it was like old times and god i really do miss when we'd just ride the same bus home and i could walk to her house ):

i've been trying to make taylor's chai cookies for like a week and i realized i absolutely have time to make them today so i'm trying to buck up the energy to do that in the next two hours before i have to be a person and go to a photoshoot

"good day" by olivia barton

i'm trying to get back into crying in h mart because mom finished reading it and we're supposedly buddy reading it so we can discuss it but i haven't felt like reading all month because i've been depressed...but like damn cancer sucks guys

in other news, i think because i've had such a shitty brain month this september i've almost pushed myself so far that halloween season sounds really fun!!! i'm trying to work through my halloween hate bc i think it's kind of silly and all my friends love halloween so i should love it too! and like i wanna watch spooky movies and be chilly and have FUN! god!

i kinda forgot a vital piece of jennalore which is that when i was a kid my mom's college roommate used to send us frosted sugar cookies shaped like bats every halloween and it was actually kinda the best thing ever? so i'm trying to channel that energy this season

work is batshit insane and i'm so exhausted by it i literally slept for 11hrs on like wednesday night bc i was so tired but also......when we're busy i always feel like i'm actually Doing Something and my bosses are so happy with the work i do so like.....it's good even though it's bad!

therapy has actually been really really good? like it Sucks bc it's therapy and i hate talking about my feelings but my therapist is the sweetest NB person ever and they're always just like "uhhh that's emotional abuse my dude!" and i'm so fucking excited bc at the end of october they're gonna have saturday openings which means i can finally go talk to them in person and not on my lunch break in our tiny break room!!!! at this point i have to pretend like my coworker can't hear everything i say during therapy otherwise i'd go insane so i always leave my sessions being like ......did max hear that i'm aroace and i have depression and i might be neurodivergent??? idk!!!

which speaking of, even though max and i definitely aren't like friends by any sense of the word....we are also just like having a time together! it's wild i see him most out of all the people i know but i think we're both going a little insane from the workload and being Depressed so we just spend all day being kinda wacky and for whatever reason i've reached a point where i stopped having a filter with him so i just start talking about the most random shit and he's cool with it lol

i think i might maybe be a little lonely! idk! i've been struggling to figure out what i need or who to talk to and i generally just want to talk to like two or three of my friends or my gc and everyone's just busy ): but then when i have the chance to talk to anyone and i Sit Down to try to interact bc i know some people are probably around i just get a little overwhelmed idk make it make sense!!!

and i realized i don't have a lot of IRL friends anymore bc a lot of the ones i had from the coffeeshop are Not My Friend and the ones i met on instagram are also Not My Friend and the ones i used to live with are Not My Friend and so my list of people to hang with is teeny tiny and idek what i need or want anymore so it's just my brain screaming .

the most frustrating thing rn is that i know i'm in a bad mental place however i cannot distinguish what i need! but when someone asks me what i need i get this intense panic/dread and i spiral real bad and if anyone tries to be kind to me it makes me feel worse and so it's like....i'm stuck in this stand still where i can't get what i need but i don't know what i need so i just eat cereal, listen to music, and go to bed early!!!

i don't wanna watch anything, i still haven't finished this season of only murders, i need a DVD player bc i want to watch the director's commentary of hill house, there's a bunch of shows and movies coming out soon that i feel overwhelmed by at the moment and it's just like !!! this is all so unfair

and i need to make all these appointments like getting my oil changed and going to the doctor for my annual but i cannot bring myself to do those things but also like should i ask my doctor about medication for depression??? surely it isn't that serious but like maybe it is idk!!!!

the depression isn't as bad as it's been in the past (i think?) like i felt a lot more hopeless in 2017 and i think a lot of that is because i do have a support system and a therapist and a good paying job and things to look forward to but like i'm very aware that many days i do just feel that feeling of "everything is meaningless and nothing will bring me joy ever again" so it's like !!! idk!!!! maybe i'm gaslighting myself into thinking i'm not that bad when in actuality i am!!!

i've just been stuck in that space of middle limbo with all my "diagnoses" that i cannot rationally understand if i'm allowing myself to see myself the way i am? like i always felt like i wasn't depressed enough to be Depressed bc i'm not suicidal but like ??? that's silly !!! maybe i am Depressed!!!!! but i don't even know how to go about getting meds and what they would do and it's almost more overwhelming to think about that than to just be depressed ): bc i still am convinced a lot of it comes down to the heat and the lingering effects of summer

but now i'm thinking about 2021 when it was the bad times and i stopped working on creative stuff or literally any year from 2017-2020 when i just spent the early fall Not Creating and having a crisis that i'd never create again and it's like.............is that bc i'm always depressed around this time? it's comforting bc i know life is seasons and i will come back around to making things and doing my silly projects but it's just sort of making me wonder how it would be different if i tried to find a way to get meds ....like would that Fix Me....would that Solve the Problem....what if it doesn't! what if i'm not depressed enough for that!

(this is all just thoughts, i'm fine, etc, just haven't let myself fully think about the depression this month bc i don't think there's a solution rn i'm just trying to get through it)

anyway, "good day" by olivia barton

[taruruchi]

Twst oc and character ships as Taylor Swift lyrics

Tagging: @emizel @solxima @linawritestwst The names of your ocs colored so it's easier to find them! The colors are Lina, Sol, Lin, and me!

YAY LET'S GO finally posting something after 102038490134 years of not making any content. And happy holidays to everyone!! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it!!

HAYDEN

“I want you to know I'm a mirrorball. I'll show you every version of yourself tonight. ... And when I break, it's in a million pieces.” (mirrorball, folklore)

“By morning, gone was any trace of you. I think I am finally clean.” (Clean, 1989)

I chose the first part because at first, Hayden keeps trying to reflect what someone wants, right? Whether they want someone like them, someone they admire, etc. And wouldn't he get exhausted because of that at some point? He has to put up a facade with so many people. As for Clean, this is after his redemption arc, when he doesn't have to always keep up his facade anymore! Especially with Riley since he can be himself around him without any judgment! (Bonus: "You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes, spinnin' in my highest heels, love..." because haha he wears heels since he's short I say while he's taller than me)

SETH x ROLLO

“I'm the one who burned us down, but it's not what I meant. Sorry that I hurt you. [inserts the rest of the chorus]” (Afterglow, Lover)

“'Cause you could be the one that I love. I could be the one you dream of. A message in a bottle is all I can do, standing here hoping it gets to you.” (Message In A Bottle, Red)

Okay first of all, we had that small bit where Hayden danced with Rollo instead while Seth had to go with the NRC students to safety, right? So yeah Rollo didn't mean to hurt Seth, he just wanted to reach his goal (which I can't really talk about because I haven't watched the event myself). Now the second one happens some time afterwards, when they're together. It reminds me of them because of their long distance relationship, you know? While they're apart, all they can do is send each other letters/texts which isn't always enough, and that's why they hope that their love can reach each other!

ROLAND

“I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you. I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you. I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night and now I see daylight, I only see daylight.” (Daylight, Lover)

The first two lines... basically he's obsessed with his s/o, right? But in my view, this is when he finally finds "the one for him" so he's not as possessive anymore! That's why we have the next line: "Now I see daylight." Once he finds this person, he can finally love in a healthy way and he's just!! happy with his s/o!! i just want him to be happy too :((

LUMI x MILES

“There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles. Same old tired, lonely place. Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face. All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you. [proceeds to insert the whole song]” (Enchanted, Speak Now)

This absolutely 100% is giving those scenarios sol wrote where they were dancing and aaaaa they're they them just 🥺 because like when Miles went to that party to save Lumi from all those people and they ended up having fun!! Lumi was dreading spending the whole party alone but Miles comes in and dances with her!!

IGNIS x MEDITRINA

“Laughing with my feet in your lap, like you were my closest friend. ... Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us.” (Maroon, Midnights)

So basically sol's ocs are just a big group of friends, right? That's why the first line reminded me of them! And especially because of Ignis, they're both laughing together and having fun. The second line is just Meditrina getting "roses" from Ignis and noticing they're actually carnations because despite having a plant expert gf, he's still a little dumb ksjkdks (affectionate)

IVY x VIL

“Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song.” (Red, Red)

“I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl who's desperately in love with you. Give me a photograph to hang on my wall, superstar. [inserts just about the rest of the song]” (SuperStar, Fearless)

Down bad, down horrendous. That's really all I can say about the first thing. The second is just Vil being the super famous celebrity that he is and Ivy being, well, in the crowd cheering him on. Despite that, he still notices her and is just being the amazing person he is! He's incredibly polite and gives her a signed picture of him! It sounds like an idol x fan au and I know that's not the case, but it just sounded like it fits and I think it's cute

VANCE x RILEY

“Strange look on his face. Pauses, then says, 'You're my best friend.' And you knew what it was: he is in love.” (You Are In Love, 1989)

They're just. Tiny!! Small!! They start off as friends then they start to see they like each other, the good old friends to lovers!!! They're spending time together one day and all of a sudden, (what I think is) Vance realizes he likes Riley and ajsnndkcmksnd (This also reminds me of that one short scenario about Vance and Bobbie. Y'all remember that?)

ALLEN x NEMIS

“Wasn't it beautiful running wild 'til you fell asleep before the monsters caught up to you? ... Your string of lights are still bright to me. Who you are is not where you've been. You're still an innocent.” (Innocent, Speak Now)

They both had childhoods where they had fun: Allen played with Lumi and Nemis was happy with her sisters and parents. That's until Allen lost his best friend and, well, it went downhill. For Nemis, (I'm realizing I haven't talked about this enough) she lost her parents, the two people who were able to calm her down whenever she was upset. I can see them both seeing past each other's faults and telling the other that it'll be all right from then on because no matter what happened in the past, they're still the same innocent person.

HAYDEN x ELPYS

“This ain't for the best. My reputation's never been worse, so you must like me for me.” (Delicate, reputation)

Hayden is really out here getting another part. Anyway, this is also after Overblot™ and his reputation went 📉📉📉 which means!! Whoever likes him has to like the real him, without putting on a mask! That's how we get to Elpys has always been open to befriending him even before his overblot and yayyy that's all, I want them to find happiness

RHYNSTINE x RUGGIE

“We are too busy dancing to get knocked off our feet. Baby, we're the new romantics! The best people in life are free!” (New Romantics, 1989)

This happened so suddenly—I was just sitting down and thinking who would've fit Rhyne and for some reason it just feels like a fun dynamic?? I think Ruggie would help Rhyne take her mind off things (because she's constantly worried about something) but he'd also have the capacity to help her out when she needs it! Meanwhile Rhyne is looking after Ruggie as well because that's just in her nature PLUS she scolds Leona. Which is the best part. Also in my head they just look cute together 🥺

CIRCE x FLOYD

“Yeah, we're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. It's miserable and magical! ... Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22!” (22, Red)

They're both so energetic and just !!!! Whenever they're together, it's all laughter and smiles. I know Circe isn't good at dancing, but as long as she's having fun then it's okay! Circe's also got her story of being bullied and that's why she escapes to Mostro Lounge, right? That's why I thought the lyrics fit even more. Then Floyd greets her with a big hug and brings her mind away from her bad day and aaaaa they're so adorable together

IVY x JAMIL

“'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night, we're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light.” (All Too Well, Red)

Ivy absolutely helps Jamil rest. She might drive him up the wall sometimes, but Jamil appreciates her nonetheless. I can definitely see this scene happening. Jamil is working late in the kitchen because apparently Kalim had invited people over to the dorm for brunch together. Ivy sees him and she asks him to take a break, ending up with them dancing with each other.

COLETTE x TITUS

“All my flowers grew back as thorns, windows boarded up after the storm. He built a fire just to keep me warm.” (Call It What You Want, reputation)

When I thought of this, I was thinking this was sort of after Colette ran away from home and met Titus. She was mad at her family for replacing her, and meanwhile Titus looked after her since she was unfamiliar with living without the care of her family. I like how Titus cares for her as the pain from being replaced is still fresh, even though they just met and they don't know each other. I think it's sweet!

REAL!JAY x ELPYS

“And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.” (cardigan, folklore)

So Jay is just in Ramshackle living that No Lifer Life (me too, my dude). It's like he's forgotten and he can't be as good as the others, like an old cardigan. But nevertheless, Elpys comes over and tries to bring him out to the sun! She doesn't mind that he seems like he won't grow into a successful person, he's still one of the people she likes to hang around with the most and she'll be with him until he can bring himself to the light on his own!

IRIS x ONYX

“All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting ... Say my name and everything just stops. I don't want you like a best friend.” (Dress, reputation)

You can tell this is from Onyx's pov 😭 He has been pining for how long?? And yeah he just really likes Iris but there's been no progress !! At all !! Even though Onyx really likes her and he's absolutely SMITTEN. I hope he does get his chance soon! Also I know the rest of the lyrics and yeah it doesn't fit them at that point. That's why it's just that

ARIETTA x YULE

“And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress fearless.” (Fearless, Fearless)

I genuinely think they'd do this. Like, imagine: they're walking home from a party or something else and it starts to rain but they're in a (how do you describe it) happy mood that can't be ruined so they just start dancing in the rain together with no worries in the world. It seems like a very ariyule moment to be and it's !!!! no comprehensible thoughts, just them

TARUCHI x AZUL

“All this time I didn't know you were breakin' down. I'd fall to pieces on the floor if you weren't around. Too young to know it gets better. I'll be summer sun for you forever.” (Forever Winter, Red)

I guess this would be around Chapter 3 era? So basically Taruchi hearing Azul's backstory. After that she does her absolute best to assure Azul of his abilities and be genuine with him so he doesn't think she has some underlying motive. I absolutely 100% believe that he would be more comfortable and vulnerable with her

MERRILL x ESTELLE

“Staring at the ceiling with you, oh, you don't ever say too much. And you don't really read into my melancholia.” (Lavender Haze, Midnights)

Estelle is more emotional and vulnerable around people she's close to, that's why I chose this. And I absolutely love the vibes the song has, I'd love for them to have this song. I imagine Merrill doesn't judge her at all, and she does the same for him. I love the mutual understanding and trust they have, I think it's really sweet and I LOVE THEM !!!

EUREKA x EPEL

“You're beautiful. Every little piece, love, don't you know? You're really gonna be someone.” (Stay Beautiful, Taylor Swift)

In my imagination, Eureka is admiring Epel in her head (and accidentally blurting it out sometimes) and she thinks he's beautiful, inside and out! She absolutely believes that he can be the person he wants to be in the future, and she hopes he can stay just as beautiful as he is now. That's what I think, at least!

ACHLYMNA x JADE

“I know looks can be deceiving, but I know I saw a light in you. And as we walked ,we would talk and I didn't say half the things I wanted to.” (Hey Stephen, Fearless)

Everyone thinks Jade is scary, but it was sort of different for Nana. Yeah, she also thought he was scary but when she finally talked to him, she didn't think that anymore. They talked for a long while and she really enjoyed it, which was strange for her since she doesn't usually talk a lot nor enjoy talking to most people. Even more surprising, she wanted to talk more. so yea !!

LISE x IDIA

“And then you say I want you for worse or for better. I would wait for ever and ever. Broke your heart, I'll put it back together. I would wait for ever and ever.” (How You Get the Girl, 1989)

Listen, I know their relationship is sort of angsty, but consider. After both of their arcs (chapter 6 and lise with her family stuff). They stick together, through bad or worse, through all their problems! They might have pushed each other away at one or some points, but they still managed to go back to each other! Look at them, battling through everything life throws at them together!! Only true gamers know the cheat codes and special moves they use to get through all that

IVY x SEBASTIAN

“Light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew. Twenty questions, we tell the truth. You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too. Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand.” (It's Nice to Have a Friend, Lover)

This seems very casual... which I like. I like to think they spend their time like that. Sebastian being stressed from doing so much work and Ivy helping him relax by just. relaxing and doing simple every day things <3 and since Sebastian is more shy (I assume since he's infp) the touching hands part seems cuter

[ Note: I started getting tired at this point so they're shorter ]

BLANCA x MALLEUS

“Ugh, so he calls me up and he's like, 'I still love you.' And I'm like, 'I just, I mean, this is exhausting, you know? Like, we are never getting back together, like, ever.'” (We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, Red)

Blanca got an epiphany and realized that she was better than Malleus could ever be 🧘‍♀️ What a queen ❗

TARUCHI x AZUL (2)

“And I know you could fall for a thousand kings, and hearts that could give you a diamond ring. When I fold, you see the best in me.” (The Joker and the Queen)

Okay so if the first is from Taruchi's pov, this one is Azul's. Even though Azul could be at his low and others could treat her better, she still sticks to him and loves him. As I recently learned from a movie I watched (I think it was Set It Up), "You like because, and you love despite."

IVY x VIL (2)

“I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own. I made up my mind, I'm better off bein' alone. We met a few weeks ago. Now you try on callin' me, baby, like tryin' on clothes.” (King of My Heart, reputation)

Ivy saying she doesn't serve anyone and she can carry herself but suddenly meeting Vil and going 🧎‍♀️ and he IS the king of her heart

RAMSHACKLE GANG

“Long live all the mountains we moved. I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.” (Long Live, Speak Now)

I absolutely love this song and it think it fits their friendship a lot!! As the main group™ they've been through a lot together and of course they fully trust each other. All that time they spend together is treasured because they're practically family now!! I love them so so much and. And they. When they <3

IVY x TREY

“Seems like there's always someone who disapproves. They'll judge it like they know about me and you. And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do. The jury's out, but my choice is you.” (Ours, Speak Now)

This is just because most people think Trey is boring but sol omg your version of Trey is *chef's kiss* It seems like a sweet ship <3

DEIMA x KALIM

“Meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain. 'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile.” (Sparks Fky, Speak Now)

I like dynamics like this, they're very cute! Deima getting butterflies whenever Kalim approaches her, it's so 🥺 Kalim is just instant serotonin. She's lacked a constant person to rely on and to cheer her on so I think Kalim would really help her with that and it makes me so happy

[straightupsickfics]

honestly these gifs are to blame for this <3

****

Guillermo wakes up the moring after the wedding with a pounding headache.

It takes him a few more long, slow seconds to blink away the sleep in his eyes and realize that he isn't alone in his bed.

Nandor is sound asleep beside him, head half resting on Guillermo's shoulder. It dawns on Guillermo then that he has almost no memory of getting home last night. He knows he'd had his fair share to drink, and alcohol combined with his sheer exhaustion probably hadn't been smartest move ever, but still.

Plus, a hangover is the least of his problems this morning. Guillermo's pretty sure he's coming down with something, the lack of sleep, stress, and everything else finally catching up with him. His throat has that sore-ticklish prickle to it that feels like a warning for an oncoming cold.

Suddenly completely and overwhelmingly frustrated, Guillermo shakes Nandor awake.

"Hey," Guillermo says, prodding Nandor's shoulder. "Hey, Nandor!"

Nandor blinks a few times, eyes screwing shut in annoyance. "Not now, Guillermo, I am slumbering," Nandor all but purrs, tugging the blankets over him and snuggling himself in closer to Guillermo.

"Uh, Nandor, come on. Get up, this isn't funny. Where's Marwa? Shouldn't you be..." Guillermo trails off. He'd wanted the wedding to be special, perfect even. He had worked himself sick to ensure that it was, but that doesn't mean he wants to think about what Nandor should be doing on his wedding night.

Guillermo takes a careful look around his small, cramped room, half expecting Marwa to poke her head up from the floor and wish them a good morning.

"She is fine, she understands," Nandor says with a yawn.

"Understands what?"

Nandor frowns. "You had a penis on your forehead."

"O-kay..." Guillermo says, reaching up to touch his hair. It's still thick with gel from yesterday, and he's suddenly desperate for a shower.

"You were sleeping, and needed to a way home, so I brought you home. I will see Marwa later," Nandor says simply, as if this explains everything.

"You brought me home and then fell asleep in my bed." Guillermo's head is pounding too much for any of this to make much sense. Plus, now that he's sitting upright, he's more sure than ever that he's getting a cold. He rubs at his nose uncertainly.

"It was a very long day, Guillermo," Nandor sighs. "Your bed is not even very comfortably, it's very...springy, but you are very warm. A very, very nice... companion."

Guillermo can't answer him, though, because his nose gives a sudden, determined twitch before he sneezes, curling into himself with a strong: "H’uhh… huhhTCHshh!” 

"What was that?"

"I think you mean bless you," Guillermo says, sniffling. "S'nothing."

"Well it's just that you do not usually make that sound."

"Well it's just that you do not usually sleep in my bed," Guillermo huffs. He doesn't like the way his stomach is flipping around every time Nandor presses himself in closer, stubbornly trying to pull Guillermo back down beside him.

"This is ridiculous," Guillermo fumes. "I'm getting sick because I've been running myself ragged for your wedding, and I'm happy for you, but you shouldn't be here, you should be with Marwa, but you're here. In my bed, and I'm happy for you," Guillermo realizes he's repeating himself but he's on a roll now and realizing all too quickly that he can't stop himself.

"But I'm just. I'm so tired, okay? I don't remember getting home, and everything is so—"

Nandor's hand is on his face. It's big and cold and not at all unpleasant, and Guillermo can't help but turn and press his cheek into the soft press of Nandor's hand.

"You are right," Nandor says, and Guillermo's mouth falls open in surprise. He hadn't admitted that Guillermo was right about something... ever. "I'm sorry, and I should not be here. I have a wife now but I guess I was feeling... afraid again and you said..." Nandor trails off looking pained. Like he wants Guillermo to fill in the blanks and make it all okay the way he always does.

Guillermo wants to say something about how they can't keep doing this, that Nandor has a wife now, that there's Freddie to think about, but... He really does feel like shit, his head and nose and throat feeling worse by the minute.

They'd spent thirteen years like this. Well, not exactly like this, but still.

What's a few more hours? A few more hours where Guillermo can feel safe and warm and cared for after spending nearly all his life looking after everyone else?

He deserves that much, he's sure of it. Guillermo lets himself meet Nandor's eyes, dark and pleading and something else Guillermo can't put his finger on.

They lay back down, Guillermo's head pillowed on Nandor's chest.

Just a little while longer, before everything has to change again.

[ivdiaries]

Time

It really is the small things that keep you going, no? No matter how simple that stuff maybe like your favorite artist posting on Instagram, or when your kpop bias went live, your favorite show returning for a new season, your favorite band releasing a new music, a new coffee shop or restaurant opening near you - it's the small things that keep us going, or in this matter, keeps me going.

At this point, I really don't have anything big going on in my life. My process has been slow, but let me assure you, I'm far from lonely. Yes it gets boring and exhausting sometimes, but I'm the happiest I've ever been.

And it's probably because of the mundane stuff we tend to overlook. I used to think that to be able to live happily, you must live grandly. Like you must go on trips every weekend with your friends, spend lavishly on things, open up a business, work your ass off to get that promotion, work on another country, fall in love, get married, buy a new house, and blah blah blah.

Most of the time, it doesn't happen. Most of the time, things just doesn't go as planned.

And the reality is we have to accept that things just doesn't go the way we want it to. And that's okay. Well, it's supposed to be.

I really don't have any goals in life. I don't have big goals like be rich, or live in another country even if I want that too. That's why most of the time I feel like a failure, because I don't have any plans at all. I don't know where I want to be years from now. I don't have big dreams like reaching the top of Mt. Everest or going to Mars.

My only goal is to just be happy. Wherever this life would take me, I just wish I am happy. I don't care where I'll be 5 years from now, or 10 years from now because sooner or later - it really wouldn't matter. But I want to live my life happily. In my own definition of happy.

Because if there's one thing taken from me when I was younger, it is to live happily. Most of the time I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy, when the only person restricting me to be happy is "me".

I often ask myself, "Why am I here?", "What's my purpose?", "Why did God create me on this Earth?", "Why do I live if I'm so unhappy?" but what if I don't have a purpose? And I don't mean this negatively ah hahaha but what if I'm created because instead of having a purpose, I'm here to learn a lesson? HAHAHA anyways that's just rambling, this isn't really related to what I wanted to say.

Then I met BTS right? (OKAY JAMSIMAN, WAIT A MINUTE THIS IS NOT A KPOP POST) and I keep on telling my friends and other people that I resonated with BTS so much, most especially Yoongi (that's probably why he's my bias) because they made me feel human. They made me realize that it's okay if I feel angry, or if I feel sad, or if I feel tired - because I'm only human. It's okay if some of us don't have big goals. It's okay if we feel like our life is moving slowly unlike the rest. Because sooner or later, we'll figure it out. Sooner or later, we'll realize what it is we want to do. It's okay to wander for a while. Because life will keep going no matter how slow you think you're going. Because you'll look back and realize that you're already far from where you've been, the most important is to just keep going. No matter how small, or how big - just keep going. It may not be your time yet, but your time will come. Everything does happen for a reason, and everything happens in our own time.

So, in conclusion, it's okay if you feel like time is moving slowly. It's okay if you feel like your life is boring. It's okay if you take that rest. It's okay if the only thing that keeps you going are the things other people don't understand. It's okay if your definition of happy differs from other people. It's okay if you cry yourself to sleep. It's okay if you feel sad. It's okay if you don't understand everything yet. It's okay if you don't know what you want 10 years from now.

Just breathe. Just relax. You'll figure it out, you always do. For now, just keep going. Just enjoy the small things in life. Just keep going.

Like a lotus flower, you'll bloom.

If you haven't heard this from anyone yet, I hope you know I'm proud of you. I love you!