#and it was like brutal and targeted at my insecurities and they LAUGHED about me for like 20 mins

[stockholmgf]

just wrote my letter to santa i asked him to pay my tuition and also for just one (1) sustainable and genuine friendship with another person

[iovchlde]

hi!! may i request some reverse comfort headcanons for diluc, kaeya, childe, and xiao? maybe about relationship insecurity or something of that sort??

relationship flaws and insecurities.

no one is perfect— so what exactly are their flaws in a relationship? and what do they feel most conscious of in a relationship?

featuring diluc, kaeya, childe, xiao

diluc

he feels that he might scare you off with his overprotectiveness. he’s already lost someone before, and he doesn’t think he can handle losing you either.

it’s not that he wants to control your life— in fact, he wants you to live it to its full extent. but there’s always that small worry, an annoying voice, in the back of his head that reminds him that the wilderness of teyvat is dangerous.

subconsciously, he may find himself interrogating you if you plan on leaving the house early in the morning, or late at night. there’ll be times where small quarrels stem from this, and inevitably it can get heated sometimes.

if you walk out on him for more hours than what feels comfortable, to cool off, he might start to think if you’ve left him for good.

diluc’s sitting at the edge of the bed, and there’s a consistent tapping on the floor as he anxiously drums his foot against it. it’s way past his assigned time to sleep, knowing he has to be up early to run his business. he doesn’t have half the mind to check what time it is, at least, not right now. all he can think about is that you’ve been gone for way too long.

he expects this from the two of you, especially after a heated argument. you two take the time away from one another to cool off and collect your thoughts, but this? this is just outrageous. if he were to give an estimate for how long you’d been gone— it would be two hours longer than you’d typically be gone for. and this just feeds into his worries from earlier, about your well-being.

the whole fight was about you and your safety after all. you would tell him that you’re fully capable of looking out for yourself; he’d say that he has enemies who may come after you; it goes back-and-forth. sensing that the argument was getting nowhere, you took it upon yourself to see yourself out first. “let’s just,” you pinch the bridge of your nose. “let’s just take time to cool off for a bit, shall we?”

“it’s been longer than a bit,” he mutters to himself.

he’s snapped out his thoughts as he hears the bedroom doors open slowly. you peek your head in, just to make eye contact with diluc. you two freeze, simply caught off-guard in the moment. he notes how your hair is a mess— it sticks out in certain areas, and obviously has not been brushed down— and you look a bit rugged. “hey,” you mutter sheepishly.

he wonders if he should ask you where you’ve been, but he holds his tongue. “are you okay?” diluc asks instead, and there’s a certain tenderness in his voice as he addresses you. “you look a bit... rough.”

you snort, throwing a feign hand of offense over your chest, at his words. “gee, thanks. nice to know i’m looking very appealing right now.” you joke. he stares at you, but you can see the faint smile on his lips at the way you’re joking around already. it’s good to know that you two are still okay. “but to answer your question, yes. i simply tripped over a pebble— it was so dark out and my foot got caught. who would’ve known that a pebble would be the one to take me down.”

he laughs at this, and you feel the tension from the argument completely lift.

kaeya

he’ll often wonder if you’re slowly becoming untrusting of him. he’s generally reserved, and quite mysterious— and it could easily be read in the wrong way.

kaeya knows that a relationship is all about communication and trust, well, for it to be healthy at least. and for the most part, he’s pretty open with you.

but there’s still certain aspects of his life that keeps in the dark from you. from his unknown past, to the business he does out of the knight of favonius— he likes that you look up to him as a respectable knight.

sometimes, you’ll ask him why he has duties to attend to at the dead of night, to which he reassuringly tells you that he’s simply off to bother diluc at the tavern. but he knows you’re catching on— diluc hasn’t seen him in the tavern for quite a bit.

“i know you haven’t been at the tavern.” you finally speak up, and you keep your eyes trained on the plate of food in front of you. you dig at the food, poking it around with your utensils— anything to keep your mind off of the fact that your heart is slightly racing right now. you don’t mean to be confrontational, but to be frank, you’re fed up that kaeya hasn’t been honest with you. “you can say that it came as a surprise to me when diluc said you hadn’t been there for a while now.”

“i guess it was only a matter of time before you’d ask diluc about me, and my whereabouts.” he sighs. he’s leaned into his chair by now, and he’s looking at you. your lips are locked into a tight line, a little peeved at the way he still talks so smoothly, and treats this so casually. as if he weren’t taking this seriously, and that this was just some other conversation to him. “i’m simply handling nightly duties.”

your grip becomes slightly tighter around your utensils, and he notices; your knuckles are turning slightly white, and your breathing is slightly out of pace. there’s a small change in his expression, and you can see the way his eyes narrow slightly.

“does it hurt to be honest to me about these things?” you ask him, genuinely hurt at the way it feels like he doesn’t trust you enough. “as your significant other, i guess i’d expected you to be more open to me. i’ve already told you countless times that no matter what, i’ll stick around— and even right now, i mean those words.”

once i tell, there’s no going back, is what he wishes to say. that it’ll be hard to look at someone the same way you’ve done before. “look,” he says as he sighs. kaeya wracks his mind for a way to respond— in a way where he wouldn’t be lying, but he wouldn’t subject you to danger either. “these matters, my nightly duties if you will, are matters between the abyss order and i. i’m afraid that if i tell you anything more about what goes on, you’ll become a target as well. too much knowledge can be harmful.”

“and you couldn’t just tell me that from the get-go?” it’s a fair point, and he throws you an apologetic look from across the table. “i understand, okay? just,” you swipe a hand through your hair. “no more secrets. i don’t think i’ll be as understanding if there’s a next time.”

“of course, my love.”

childe

he fears that one day, he’ll come home and you won’t be there anymore; his involvement with the fatui doesn’t make it any better.

the fatui is known for... it’s notorious deeds, to put it lightly. he had warned you beforehand, that dating a fatui harbinger will be exhausting. mentally, that is.

he’s bloodthirsty and thrill-seeking— it’s his nature. but he knows you don’t agree with the brutal ways the fatui handles their business, and he tries his best to take your mind off of it.

but it’s hard to ignore the words that circulate around liyue about certain things that he’s been up to. childe wonders that if you’ll get fed up one day, and just leave him.

there’s always a small amount of anxiety that bubbles up within childe whenever he approaches the doors of your shared bedroom. there’s that slightly irrational fear that he’ll walk in, and the room will be empty; you won’t be beneath the sheets in deep sleep, and your small breaths wouldn’t fill the room. his hand is hovering over the doorknob, and he almost laughs. a man like him, who stares death in its eyes, too afraid to open the door in fear that he’ll see something he doesn’t like.

childe gathers the courage to twist the knob, and the door creaks softly as he pushes it open. he pauses halfway, the fear taking over him for a second, but pushes through. he lets out an audible breath of relief— seeing you alive and well in front of him, and the comforts of just seeing that. his shoulders slack visibly at the confirmation, and he allows himself to enter the room.

he strips himself of clothes that he’s worn outside, changing into ones more fitting for bed. he’d jump straight into your arms if he could— but he knows that even in a sleepy state, you would still scold him.

he stalks towards the bed after doing the necessities. you stir at the way the bed dips beside you, feeling a pair of strong arms wrap around you. “childe?” you mutter. your voice is laced with sleepiness having just awoken, and you’re rubbing at your eyes as you turn to face him. it takes a second for your brain to start functioning, and you blurt out the first word that comes to mind. “hi.”

“hi to you too,” he mirrors, a small smile gracing his lips. your eyes are barely open as you glance at him, and your words are slightly slurred— but despite that, he truly thinks he’s the luckiest man in the world that he has someone as good as you. someone who sticks around, despite his affiliation. “i’ve missed you a lot, y’know.” he says.

“i missed you more,” you challenge, even in your sleep driven state.

he chuckles at you, before pressing a small kiss to your nose. “sure, sure. let’s fight about who misses each other more in the morning, okay?”

xiao

he’ll often doubt why you’re with him— and wonder if there’ll ever be a day where you run out of patience with him.

he’s getting better with affection, and he’s not finding it as weird as he had before. he doesn’t initiate things, still too embarrassed about the last time he failed to hug you. he wants things to be intimate, but there are still times where he flinches if you touch his hand or hug him, after forgetting to give him a heads up.

you always smile at him, and tell him that you care for his comfort the most. he can see the pain behind your smile though— almost a year of dating and he still hasn’t warmed up to you.

xiao still doesn’t fully understand the logic and need behind affection. but what he does know is that humans seek affection. they are social beings after all. knowing that, he worries that you’ll eventually want someone else who can give you the affection that you deserve.

“i’m sorry,” xiao apologizes in a panic. he was so thrown off-guard and so deep in his thought, that when you’d given him a back hug, he had reacted more violently than intended. thus, he had instinctively pushed you off his shoulder. it was hard to miss the flash of hurt in your eyes as you stumbled back, a little baffled, not expecting xiao to react in a such a way. “i... i apologize for that, y/n.”

it’s easy to notice the literal distance between you two and he reaches out for you, to which he stops himself midway. there’s just something that feels so wrong about touching you right now, especially after he’d just shoved you— it doesn’t feel right. even to now, he’s still scared of touching you. he finds himself getting frustrated at the way that he just can’t wrap his head around doing things in a romantic aspect. even he’s running out of patience with himself, so why do you still have so much?

you notice the way his hand stops, and you can see the countless of emotions within his eyes as he stares at his hands. there’s little glimpses of worry, of self-doubt, and you can tell right now that he’s being critical of himself. you don’t blame him for reacting that way, now that you look back on it in hindsight. anyone would’ve reacted like that as a form of self-defense.

“it’s alright, xiao, it really is.” you reassure him. “don’t be too harsh on yourself, okay? i said we’d take it as slow as we have to, and i plan on keeping my word for that. now... may i?” you gesture to his outstretched hand. he gives you a blank look at first, but nods slowly.

you take his hands in yours— you take your time to link your fingers, intertwining them and appreciating the way they mold together perfectly. you let him feel the way you draw soothing circles on the back of his hand. it’s such a simple action, but it flows with intimacy, and it has a weird feeling erupting in his stomach. (butterflies, he recalls you telling him.)

“see this?” you raise your linked hands. “if this is what you’re comfortable with at the moment, then i’m more than willing to hold hands for as long as you want.”

he wonders if you’ll grow impatient with him— but for now, he’s reassured you’ll stick around.

author’s note.

i’ve put this off for so long, and i intended on keeping it short— but then i felt bad and so i decided to indulge just a little

[imaginedxlan]

Beta (Fred Weasley)

a/n: I had a whole frat boy series for the dolan twins and I cannot stay away, frat boys have my heart, both in real life and in imagines. Everything I do in life is for the chads and brads of the world.

beta theta pi has always been a fraternity you were intimidated by. they’re title as top house has always made you feel too insecure to go anywhere near them, but when your best friend starts dating a beta boy you’re forced to face the top house at their annual spring darty (day party for those who are unware)

disclaimer: hogwarts is basically just one greek row shawties. beta boys are hot, so expect the hottest of hogwarts to be in it.

y/f/n = your friend’s name

warnings: alcohol, sexual allusions, fratboy!fred

_____________

As the weather gets warmer on campus, that can only mean one thing: Darty Season. After suffering through the brutal winter, greek row opens up its lawns and lake front docks to the brothers and sisters of the greek system. Being the undisputed top house, Beta Theta Pi’s spring darties are always the most coveted invite. With their massive backyard and gallons of supplied liquor, theres not a soul on greek row who wouldn’t want a taste of the party of a lifetime. Well, except one.

You never bought into the beta supremacy like all of your sorority sister have. To be quite honest, you’re slightly terrified of the brick faced mansion only a block away from you. You’ve never heard anything that bad about the brothers, just that their looks and entitlement make any girl an easy target for heartache. 

Before you came to college, you had a longterm boyfriend who you agreed to stay with as long as possible, even over long distance. However, the summer before you kissed your hometown goodbye, he decided being tied down wasn’t for him and slept with a girl he met at orientation. He was only away for three days. So you kept your distance from beta and all the boys who had the capacity to make you feel as shattered as you did the July morning your ex boyfriend returned from his trip with a hickey on his neck. 

Your distance suddenly became harder to keep when your best friend, your roommate and sorority sister, shacked up with some beta boy she met in her communications class. You warned her as much as you could, her boyfriend being the blonde rich boy every girl whispered about, but Draco proved you wrong the minute he started begging her to be his girlfriend. 

So here you are, next to y/f/n who’s tucked under Draco’s arm as you walk toward the house thats bursting with sound and alcohol. He insisted on walking the two of you to the house, assuring none of the pledges would look at ‘his girl’ the wrong way. You’ve passed the beta house plenty of times over your past two years at school, never once have you gotten over the sinking feeling in your stomach to ever go in.

“Y/n, relax, we’re not a bunch of cavemen,” Draco speaks up once he notices how you’re holding your arms across your chest. Y/f/n told him about why you were so apprehensive about him, about his fraternity, he promised he’d be with you both the whole day. “Lets get something to drink, loosen you both up a bit.”

He takes you both to where there are pledges handing out cans of seltzers and beer and snags you both white claws before they’re gone. He sticks to his word and hangs around the two of you no matter how many times his brothers come up to him and try to convince him to join in on a game of beer di or chicken in the lake. You start feeling bad for him, y/f/n too, you know you’re holding them back in a sense. You tell both of them you’re okay if they want to hang out with his friends once you spot a couple of other girls in your sorority. 

The minutes feel like hours, while you’re having a fine time with your girl friends, you wish this party would end more than anything. Before you know it, y/f/n is screaming your name from the dock, waving you over. Once you get there she’s dragging you toward the lake, urging you to take off your top and shorts so you could play chicken with her and Draco. You immediately agree until you’re hit with the realization that you needed a fourth in order to play chicken.

Enter Fred Weasley. You’ve seen the twins around campus, everyone talks about them. Six foot something with fiery red hair and gorgeous bodies. You’ve seen their bare torsos on more saturday night snapchat stories than you can count. His baby blue swim hang low on his hips, putting his freckle littered chest and abdomen completely on display.

“Fred,” He says casually, reaching out his hand. “Most people call me Weasley, or Freddie.”

Your breath hitches, his hands are massive. You bite your lip to take his hand in yours, you’ve never actually shaken hands with any guy you’ve met at this school. You reply without meeting his burning gaze, “Y/n.”

All he says is a quiet ‘I know’ almost like you weren’t meant to hear it, before y/f/n is calling from Draco’s shoulders for the two of you to hurry up.  Your stomach turns at the thought of being on top of his shoulders. This won’t be a fair fight, Draco isn’t even six foot and Fred is a giant.

You edge closer to the stairs of the dock, Fred just jumps right in. The water is cold, unsurprisingly. Everything in you is praying that the chill of the water cools the flush that is running across your cheeks. Fred dunks his whole body under the water and feels for your ankles to pull you over his shoulders. The grips his huge hands have on the tops of your thighs makes butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“You ready?” He asks once you’re steady on his shoulders. You can’t see his face but you wish you could. His messy, wet hair splayed across his forehead must be a sight to for sore eyes. “I’ve got you tight up there, just don’t tip.”

You tell him you’re good before he makes his way over the Draco with y/f/n on top of him. She’s shorter than you, at least half a foot which makes it easier for you to put your hands on her shoulders to gain control. You’re both laughing as you try and push the other over. You’re almost having too much fun to forget that you’re in a bikini on top of arguable the best looking boy in your year in front of a backyard of hundreds of drunk students. Usually you would be more insecure about your current situation, but you can’t bring yourself to care. Eventually y/f/n loses her balance and topples over, bringing Draco down with her. Fred shouts out in celebration once they emerge front the lake. In a swift motion, his slippery hands pull your body off his shoulders to stand in front of him. His hand absentmindedly goes to your waist as he continues to shout at Draco for ‘being such a loser.’

His smile is radiant. It makes you smile with him and laugh with y/f/n as she rings out her hair. For the rest of the day, Fred barely leaves your side, his hand continues to make its way to hold you close to him by your waist. The drunker you get the less you notice it, you actually sort of like it. Any time a drinking game arises, he immediately pulls you along with him. Beer pong, flip cup, rage cage, he’s always planted next to you as you drink the day away. You meet his twin and his other friends who give him a knowing look when they see you practically joined at the hip.

His friend Blaise can’t help but smile your way, a shit eating grin gracing his features. He whispers something in Fred’s ear which makes him laugh a little. His laugh is perfect, you wouldn’t need even alcohol, you could get completely drunk off his features. You like the beta boys, you can’t understand why you were ever scared of them in the first place. George and Oliver talk to you as if you’ve know them for years, chatting about your mutual friends and your hometowns. You feel comfortable with them, it makes you happy.

“S’getting late,” He says, he isn’t slurring but his wobbly stance gives off that he’s clearly drunk. As the sky turns all shades of orange, you realize just how much time you’ve spent with him. You haven’t seen Draco or y/f/n in a while, meaning their probably up in his room. “I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t have to do that,” You protest, shaking your head but he stops you. His hand rests on the side of your neck, making you choke on your breath as you meet his eyes. His lazy smile makes your heart race.

“You’re very pretty, you know that?” He drunkenly stumbles over his words. Your heart is hammering against your rig cage, you feel weirdly sober now that he’s staring into your eyes. “Had class with you last semester, couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”

You continue to shake your head, wondering if this day had just been a wild dream and you were going to wake up in yours and y/f/n’s shared room in your pajamas any second. But his hand travelling up your side pulls you into the realization that this is reality.

“Can I kiss you?”

You don’t reply, you simply lift onto your toes to meet his lips with yours. If you were completely sober, you would never be so bold but everything in you was screaming for his touch. His lips are warm, a completely one-eighty from his cold hands against your skin. The party goes on around you but you feel like time stands still in Fred’s embrace. He pulls away from you for just a second to catch his breathe before leaning down to catch you in another kiss. His hand moves from your waist to the small of your back as the kiss deepens.

You eventually pull from each other, breathless, once you feel beer from various cups splash against your skin as a group of boys huddle next to you to sing out whatever song is playing at the moment. You both laugh as you lean your head against his bare chest, drinking in this moment.

“Come on then,” He says, taking your hand in his. Your head is spinning, not from the alcohol, but from the complete state of bliss you’re in. “I’ll grab you a shirt and get you home.”

You walk back to your house, hand in hand with his tee shirt hanging just above your knees, talking about everything under the sun. While the walk itself is short, the moment seems to last forever. When you each your front lawn, he tugs on your hand to pull you into him once more, feeling his soft lips meet yours. Your heart flutters as you walk toward your front door, turning back to him and he smiles at you, making your heart melt.

“Goodnight, Freddie.” You call out from the opened door. He gives you a small waves and tells you he’ll see you soon. Once the door is shut you close your eyes and can’t help but smile. You squeal, causing the girls in your living room to look out the window and see Fred Weasley with his fingers on his lips and a wide smile. They pull you onto the couch and beg you to tell them all about your day in the background of beta theta pi. You can’t contain your grin as you relay today’s events to your sorority sisters.

Maybe beta isn’t so scary after all.

[atiny-exol]

Yandere Prince Ateez!

Warnings:yandere behavior, mentions abuse, violence, blood, humiliation, degradation, mature things, possessive behavior, stalking, forced marriage

Requested: oh hell yes

A/N: yandere prince ateez is suchhh a good idea😭I love it

You are a maid, a poor little maid trapped in the claws of the eight brothers and princes of Utopia.

Prince Hongjoong

The second oldest of the kingdom.

Usually mistaken as the oldest. Unlike his brothers he doesn't look like a disappointment to the king and queen.

Does his work like it is used to be, attends the important meetings and always does more than required

Ambitious, smart, charming, but for you he let his facade of the perfect prince down.

One of the reasons why you are the maid in the castle. Always watching you, pointing out your mistakes and everything you do wrong.

Doesn't care if you cry because if his scolding.

As his future wife you have to be perfect, flawless, just like himself

Even if he is mean you can't help but fall in love with him.

And he knows that too well.

Behind his facade he is very insecure and angry about the fact that he will never be the king of this kingdom.

Tries to hide the insecures from you and always offers you a smile. Unless you did something wrong.

Easily fell with you on love. One smile from you, one kind word and a your good manners.

And your eyes. He loves your eyes. Even if they hold tears.

Especially if they hold tears, but he has to cause them. If someone else makes you cry, he will kill.

Or let them kill.

Ruthless in this fact. Always has a plan to eliminate everyone who gets too close to you.

But always threats you with this too.

You are scared but also fascinated by him.

,,Y/N, Y/N, Y/N. How many times do I have to tell you that I don't tolerate inappropriative behavior. Especially from you I want perfect manners and a beautiful look. Change your clothes and then you do the chores again."

Prince Seonghwa

The oldest and the future King.

Unlike Hongjoong, Seonghwa isn't thag interested in attending important meetings.

He is still smart, strong and powerful. Ruthless to be honest.

When he rules the kingdom, no one will ever say something against him. His death stare is making everyone shiver, including you.

And his whole aura is scary.

Loves to see fear in your eyes. The little teary eyes, filled woth tears. He loves them way to much.

Would cut them out of your face, but he loves you. Doesn't want to ruin your pretty little face.

The first time you met, he scares you and threaten you with death. Because you spilled coffee all over him.

But then he saw that his brother found you interesting. Another reason to kill you.

Your little stuttering, the red face and yes the fear and shaking. Made him change his mind.

He loves to be powerful and feared.

And you give him the feeling.

The feeling that he can rules everything, that he is more than just a prince and future king.

No he wants to be the God. And first of all your God.

,,You dare to speak against me you annoying brat! Who do you think you are talking to. I'm your future king and God. Learn your place! 2 weeks in the catacombs will change your mind. I'm sure."

Prince Yunho

One of the oldest. Not very strong, but not weak either.

Not very smart, but not dumb either.

He was and is always just Yunho, the kindly, smiling and handsome prince.

Everyone adores him and his smile, his whole personality.

But all of this is making him sick. Sick and angry.

Why can't he be the oldest? Why can't he be as smart as Hongjoong or as strong as Seonghwa? Why? Why!

Wants to feel special. And appreciated.

And you are making him feel like that.

You give him the strength to smile more and more each day.

He follows you through the castle. Helps you and talks with you.

With you his smile is not fake, his smile is genuine and gentle.

But of course his brothers have to ruin everything.

He can't have one thing for himself.

Stalks you in the night, the times you bath and the times you aren't working.

He looks at you in every situation, because he knows that only he is doing this.

This is something his brothers won't steal from him.

They won't steal you aways from him.

He never fighted. He never talked back.

But if it is about you, he changes.

Changes into something far away from kind and sweet.

,,My poor little maid. You look so tired, but at the same time your sleeping face is the most beautiful one on this planet. Just stay like this and let me watch. So I can remember every small detail about you."

Prince San

Handsome, charming, a flirt and arrogant.

That's how most of the people would describe this prince in their private rooms. And yes, yes he is exactly that.

He is cocky, flirty and teasing around you.

He loves to humiliate you infront of the other servants.

But why does he do this? The answer is easy.

To get your attention. Your anger. Your red and humiliated face.

Because just he and his other brother Wooyoung are supposed to see your humiliated face. And both of them love that.

They often share the fun.

One of the distracts you so you make a mistake and the other one will scold you for that infront of everyone and then pull you around with cuffed hands and a string around your pretty little neck.

He wants you for himself, but sharing you makes fun too.

Hates your tears, but if they are because he humiliated you it is beautiful.

If you try to avoid him, he will get violent and break your hands. Or pushes you down the stairs.

Then he blaims all on you. Because you are just a clumsy little kitten.

The first time he met you, he thought that you are perfect. Everything on you is perfect, but no one beside him can be perfect. And you also didn't give him enough attention.

That's why he started bullying you

And now he loves it

,,Look at this clumsy little pig, with the apple in its mouth. You look absolutely adorable like that piggy. Can't wait to let everyone see this shamefully look on your face, while I tell them what you did today."

Prince Mingi

There are 2 things he loves.

The feeling of the arrow hitting the target and you.

Oh and both combined is tying you to a target and trying not to hurt you with the arrow.

He losts the count of how often he already did this. But it isn't his fault.

Sometimes he is just so jealous, because he can't spent so much time with you, that he has to do the things he loves at the same time.

It scares you and you are always crying when he does that.

But he loves to show you that he would never actually hurt you. If you don't piss him off of course.

Because the first time you made him jealous, he actually made you the target.

He hurted your leg painfully and his looks was so scary that you felt like dying.

After that you always tried to make him smile and it helped.

Always smiles around you and kisses your cheek. Gets red and shy with you

If someone flirts with you, they are the next target and you watch him killing them.

He is scary and brutal, but he is still a tall puppy for you.

,,Aww n.. No don't be scared love! I won't actually hurt you. I.. Said don't be scared! I won't hurt you. Goddammit why are you crying again. Tz. If you don't stop now I change my mind! "

Prince Wooyoung

Flirty, a tease and mischievously. That's what one of the youngest prince of Utopia is.

And he doesn't even try to hide it.

Already accepted the fate. The date that he will never be as powerful as his older brothers.

But since the first time he saw you. He felt that he has power. Even if it's just power over one person.

He has the power to control you.

San and him are making sure that your life in the castle is a living hell. But unlike San he is more flirty.

And not just towards you. Tries to make you jealous and often sees thag it's working.

Then he teases you about that, and degrades you.

Tells you often that you are just his little plaything, his maid and his property.

You live to please him. If he wants you crawling on the floor you do that. He wants you to eat from the floor? You better do it or he will humiliate you just like San does it.

You are a cute little kitten till you show your claws and Wooyoung makes sure you will never show them again.

He even humiliats you infront of other princesses.

They are laughing at you, spitting at you and degrading you more and Wooyoung loves the power he has over you.

The power to control your life and how it goes.

Since he doesn't have a life where he can do what he wants too.

,,Awww are you crying now? Really? Just because they laughed at you. God pet you are so useless, can't even stand some entertaining degradation for me. If you don't stop this I will make sure that everyone sees you like this, and by everyone. I mean everyone."

Prince Yeosang

Smart, but doesn't talk that much. He isn't that social not even with his brothers and the king and the queen doesn't seem like they are proud of him.

He craves your attention, he craves the way you beg for him and cry out his name.

Oh and he craves your blood.

But first things first.

The first time he saw you, he was there to punish you.

You angered all of his brothers and even if he doesn't talk much with them, they know that he is the most sadistic one out of them.

He has his fun with you and at first he doesn't understand why his brothers like you. Why they want to break you and have you for themself.

But the time he spent alone with you, showed him why.

You have him the feeling of being needed. The feeling of being strong and having the power of living and death. Just like a God.

You are making him a God.

Carries blood from you in a small bottle around.

Once a while he has his fun with you. Torturing you, especially when seonghwa locks you away.

He doesn't show his affection with lovely words, or hugs unlike his brothers.

No he shows you his love through brutal violence

,,Cry some more for me angel. Cry more and more and I will fill this bottle with your tears. I want to carry them around just like your blood. So I have a piece of you always by my side. Yes beg me, beg me to end your suffering. "

Prince Jongho

The youngest and most loved prince from the family.

Everyone loves and adores him. He is friendly, sweet, but also strong and good in fighting with the sword.

He is the most dangerous in a fight out of all brothers. No one would dare to stand on the other side of his sword.

That's why you have to do it.

The first times he trains with you, he does it to make fun of you.

He isn't that sweet and kind to you, because he doesn't think you are worth it.

He doesn't see why his brothers like you, but one time he seriously injured you and his world crashed together.

Practice without you isn't fun and he slowly realizes how much you pulled him in love with you.

Gives you a ring and proposes to you after you are healed again.

You said no. Of course you said no.

And jongho made sure you regret that.

He does this over and over again, always smiling even if you give him a no as an answer.

But at some point you are sitting on your knees in front of him, his blade slowly lifting you head up and his eyes shooting a cold stare down at you.

You habe to say yes.

He will marry you.

And no one is going to stop him. Not even you

,,I give you a last chance. Will you marry me? I don't take a no as an answer and if you dare to say this again I will kill you. I will let your blood stain my sword. So what do you want to choose. Death or the chance of getting married to me."

[thebonggirll]

Chapter 38 - A Fair Fight

Chapter 37

"Aww you got new features," Y/N said standing cautiously, her brows creased.

"And you're still..." he scanned her figure, looking for details in her costume, "as boring as ever."

Whoosh. Beep.

"Oh really?" his eyes widened as he heard her whisper near his left ear, one of his target gone red. Y/N slid back to her position as fast as she came near him. Ofcourse she wasn't going to let an opportunity like this go away. "Doesn't really change anything, does it now?"

Oikawa smirked, a sense of excitement ran through his veins.

"Why are you laughing-" Y/N couldn't finish her sentence, but she saw him move for just a second and immediately covered her unmarked targets on her thigh and stomach, "dumbass."

"Ooh babe you learned new moves huh?" he laughed as he got blocked as soon as he tried to make a surprise attack like her.

"So did you!" Y/N smiled and used her hand to punch him on the stomach which he blocked, but it made him bend just a little bit and she swung her feet trying to hit him on his face but he blocked it again with his hand and Y/N immediately let go off him as he used his electricity to shock her. She gasped, still shaking a bit from his last attack and shouted, "Dude are you fucking insane?!"

"Oh no, but my hero costume is," he said, charging towards her using a similar fast move like Y/N's, "I just got some added features you see."

She blocked it too, and yelled, "You brought all the freaking features available with yourself or something?!" Holding his head, she dumped it down on her knee hitting his forehead.

Bad move.

She saw his hand move towards her thigh target, and was fast enough to slide back, kicking his shin in the process.

"It really boosts up my quirk you know?" Oikawa said as she released some of boiling water to his face, trying to distract him enough to get close and hit his second target. But he had something else in mind.

Well, he made sure to use the features added to his hero costume in his feet to move fast enough. And even if he didn't have the kind of quirk to move as fast as Y/N, he was better than her in using it. What looked like just a fight with surprise moves to the aspiring heroes, looked nothing but water fountain show to the audience. Yeah, only if they slowed down their fight, would the people actually be able to see their moves.

Y/N was panting and looking at her friend, who was equally exhausted to continue this fight cause it was going literally no where. She landed some sharp cuts and boiling water, enough to injure him just like she was hit with the moves he landed on her. "You see Y/N, I have to work twice as hard cause the only way I can use my quirk is if I touched water. Unlike you, I don't have the advantage of making water out of thin air. So this fight is important for myself," he panted as he moved fast towards her again, but as Y/N dodged his fist, she heard a scream and looked behind herself realizing that among the two students she attacked earlier, one of them was awake and wanted to use his red ball on her when she was distracted. Oikawa used his electric hand feature of his costume and gave him a shock enough to faint. "And no one other than me is allowed to end you today," he said.

It almost made her feel sorry for him but she didn't exactly have the time yet. Noticing his costume, and almost dry hand gloves, she got the idea of how to disable this new electric feature he had. Y/N heard the announcement of only 20 students left to enter and used a huge gush of water towards him, trying to wet him and like the kind of expert he was, he immediately dodged and landed a hard blow on her stomach, the target's glass on her stomach cracked a bit. She gasped, trying to breathe, and move away as fast as she could, but he landed another blow on her back.

"I wanted a fair fight so there it is. By the way, the gloves aren't so loosely developed that it will get damaged as soon as your water touches it. I don't know the details of it's manufacture cause frankly that's for the support department to know. But you really think I won't think of it having a water-based quirk myself?" he said, his tone was serious and that's the most seriousness she has ever got from him - from the cheerful Oikawa.

And for the first time ever, she found it so hard to breathe that she didn't even have the energy to move away. She knew he was good at fighting but she didn't know he was holding back in the training. Either that or he definitely got better. Using her quirk on him, she tried to make him move away desperately.

She used it enough for him to maintain distance after some time. But...

"Oh now that there's enough water for me," he said and she watched as he was moving his hand, she realized it. There was no time to react. She had to do something before his hands touched the water that trailed up to her. Ofcourse he had a plan all along. But she needs to use her head and come up with something in seconds. His dodging skills were amazing as well as his fighting skills. But there was one weakness.

Y/N didn't feel the need to feel better. She screamed and used her quirk like Bakugou and blasted off into the air, moving fast towards him before he understood what was happening. As she had known, he was good. As soon as she was near him, he used his electricity on her. Her mind was still working properly though. She moved her hands towards his head and gripped it tightly, making a small water bubble around his head. His eyes widened as he tried to leave but he couldn't.

After a while, he was only using his strength to move her away, but she was good at taking hits now. As he looked like he could faint if she did any more of that, she stopped using her quirk and he dropped down on the floor. Now, it was his turn to gasp.

Eyes red and coughing, he looked at her from the ground and asked, "What are you waiting for? Do it."

Y/N sighed and crouched near his lying exhausted body, "You wanted a fair play Oikawa. But you didn't think things through did you? These things on your costume isn't exactly a fair fight. These did give you a boost but I still managed to find your weakness. Took me sometime considering how good you're at masking it."

"Don't give me a lecture," he said looking away.

"Look, I get it that you're insecure about your quirk but that's what got you into hero course in the first place. No amount of technology can be better than your own quirk. You..barely used it Oikawa," she observed his face for a while and used her red balls to hit on rest of the targets on his body, "Well, I won't push it but talk to me about it when you're ready. I just..didn't expect it to find out this way. You were suppressing anger and it...does kind of hurt you know. Cause I thought everything I did was fine and we were at the point where we can express ourselves freely but...I guess it was just me."

"It's not that easy you know. I'm not angry at you. I'm just...pitying myself and being pathetic. I'll work on it don't worry. I'll try to be more...expressive," Oikawa said finally turning towards her, "But...good move. I didn't expect you to use my own attack back on me."

"Oh that? Well I was sure that you didn't train enough with your quirk and if your hands are focused on me then I can attack your head and try to drown you. I guess even I didn't think of giving back your own attack when I was busy drowning you. No wonder you stopped using electricity. It was going directly from my body to your head huh? And I'm pretty sure you can't do anything with your face. "

"Except killing people with my good looks," he chuckled.

Y/N laughed weakly and rolled her eyes.

"Dude you look awful," Kyoka pointed out at her.

"Yeah, Oikawa thrashed me pretty well," Y/N responded.

"Shit," she said, "He did this to you?!"

"Yeah...I guess it was brutal but a fair fight," she said scanning the room.

"Looking for him already?" Kyoka chuckled.

"Well..I know he's gonna be here. I just want to see his face," Y/N gasped looking at the blonde standing with his friends, "Wait, Kaminari made it too!"

"Yeah, I was surprised too I guess," Kyoka said as a faint blush covered her face, "But I'm glad."

"Ofcourse you are," Y/N grinned and looked at the boys. Kaminari and Mineta were currently angry over Midoriya for seeing a girl naked, "Oh..."

Y/N looked at her best friend's face which slowly turned sour. She said, "Hey, I know he's a bit of a pervert but once you are with him, I'm sure he's all yours."

"No he's not. His fucking pervert brain gonna stay the same I think," she glanced towards another direction and said, "I think Ochaco's finding it hard to digest more than anyone else."

Y/N looked at the girl with pink costume, who was staring at Midoriya. The girls looked at each other and walked towards her. "Well, aren't the boys of our class disappointing?"

Ochaco shot her head towards them and stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse but Y/N interrupted her, "Look we know what it's like." Y/N looked at Bakugou, who didn't even bother to look at her once.

"Oh...you mean Bakugou and Kaminari?" she asked.

"Uh huh," Y/N replied, "Stupid boys."

Finally, a smile came on her face as Ochaco said, "Oh, I guess we're all in the same boat huh?"

"Yeah, so if you need to talk about these stuffs...then we're here for it," Kyoka finally said something.

"I didn't think you would admit in front of her," Y/N said, surprised.

"Well, we need to support each other emotionally in these cases someway right?"

"Bakugou knows...doesn't he?" Ochaco said suddenly.

Y/N face turned red, but she responded, "Uh..yeah I told him a while back and.." she cleared her throat, "he turned me down. How did you know?"

"Like the way you knew I was disturbed. I guess...I connected the dots. He's not so verbally brutal anymore, I mean with you only."

Her eyes widened and she looked at Kyoka, asking if it was true to which she nodded with a smirk.

"Oh bloody hell...I didn't notice," Y/N said looking at the blonde, her heart beating faster than before. She noticed him looking back at her as she turned away quickly, talking to her new sad-unrequited-love-suffering group of friends.

She should have looked longer though. Cause he did.

He noticed her wet appearance and slightly tired figure, but a smile still covering her face. A strange sensation of relief spread in his heart. Without realizing, a bit of his mood turned better. Some part of his worry washed away. He trusted Y/N with her skills more than he did before.

Or....maybe he always did.

Chapter 39

SEASON - III

Ignite

MASTERLIST

Tags:  @honeylemondragonemperor @mikithekiki @kkikiss @garnet-redtailedhero

[sneakerdoodle]

i think Eyala is like... a very interesting, fun and... sort of nice interpretation of an everloving divine consciousness? her actions get interpreted as manipulation, and there is no doubt that the whole 'Hero' thing really did take advantage of Audrey's underlying insecurities and the deeply ingrained notion that she is not enough, not important. this, specifically, makes it harder to articulate why i feel like it was still... good-natured, in a way? but it feels like that

i think here, once again, the fact that every person in the world had the same dream is incredibly important. Audrey was not picked out for some outstanding qualities, nor as an easy target to manipulate, nor was she groomed into the Hero role. or, more specifically, the vulnerable, pained mindset that kicked in when she was given the sword was created not by Eya or Eyala, but the world Audrey was born into and grew up in; the world where everyone is torn away from one another, unable to see each other's worth, desperately trying to prove their own.

so Audrey was shaped by her reality - and then made her own decisions. every single person was put into the same situation - and Audrey was the one to choose to wield the blade. i'm pretty sure that means that if the Hero was not a thing and the world started falling apart without Audrey speeding up the process, she would still try to fight, and be heroic, but would probably just. die pretty quickly while trying to stand up to the monsters? but that's just speculation

either way, her choices were hers, specifically because she was never technically chosen, never told she was INHERENTLY special; she just stepped up when no one else would, she chose to BECOME the Hero, because that was her interpretation of worthiness

circling back to Eya and Eyala and their motivations... it's, really great that they are not omnipotent? Eya did not choose to forsake the universe our characters share, she did not get bored of it. the reasons for corruption are simply time, entropy, erosion, things moving farther and farther away from each other and losing their connection to each other, their harmony. the Dream King repeatedly emphasized that the general discord among people IS the corruption, that no song will help unless the people themselves are healed and united

neither Eya nor Eyala have any control over how we act, how we treat each other; we are the ones bringing about our end, and we are the ones that get to reverse it

so... what would this creative, loving divine being do when the world she sang into existence started degrading into chaos, pain, misery, death and destruction, when she has no way to stop it from doing so, and has never, in an infinite amount of universes, seen that process reversed? what can she do when the Overseers get corrupted and turn on the world they are meant to uphold, when towns and cities are assaulted by monsters that cannot be stopped by human means?

wouldn't she wish for a quieter, gentler end, still terrifying and painful, but not drawn out in time as people suffer in fear of their impending death in a nightmarish world? wouldn't it be better if they could stand outside and hold hands as the stars rain down, instead of struggling through a brutal, monster-ridden reality with no actual hope for a better world at the end?

wouldn't she want to put the world out of its misery?

we can argue that her and/or Eyala's actions are still misguided, insincere, taking advantage of the human condition, whether purposefully or not. but it does seem to me that the only thing they were going for is what they perceived to be the best possible course of actions in a truly horrible, hopeless demise of a whole universe? and this course of action was still horrible, but that is simply the outcome of something bigger and powerful but not almighty trying to take care, however it can, of something smaller and less adjusted than it. which is, really really hard, if you ever ended up with an animal in your care, for example. a lot of hard and imperfect decisions have to be made, sooner or later

Eyala can't say no to The Bard, because they asked so passionately; and since the entire plan is to ease the world into its end with as little individual pain as possible, why would she shatter this cute sweet human's heart if instead they can live out their last days hoping?

and of course, the pain of finding out they had been purposefully misled is just as great if not greater; but once again, neither Eyala or Eya have any perfect insight, or any motifs outside of just, wanting the best for the mortal creatures. and they end up taking some truly misguided steps, but i guess that's the danger of this sort of, coddling love that just wants to see the object of it suffer as little as possible

this turned out to be a whole Eya apologism post fhfhjdks but going back to my initial point, if we accept that both her and Eyala are fundamentally loving, caring, and that they wish for the best for reality, i think Eyala is very very interesting in how she expresses this unconditional love and care... her animated, passionate affection is so different from what we see in these sort of, extremely purified reserved trans-personal examples of sainthood or divinity? she is not reserved, she is playful and giggling and finding the humans soooo adorable and fun and exciting!! and i just sort of love that a lot! unconditional omnipresent divine love must find every expression of humanity so very endearing... Eyala sees every single person she comes across as great in their own way; she never renounces her love for Audrey, even if she can admit that Audrey's drive is dangerous and unbalanced

if you listen to Kalila Stormfire's Economical Magick Services (which i really recommend!!), that's how Aphrodite gets interpreted there: the goddes of unconditional love, full of endless fondness of humanity, gently laughing at her sweet, confused children

what i'm saying is, if there is a unified ever-loving divine consciousness out there (and i do believe there is), i would absolutely want it to look at me doing my best and go 'awwwwwwwwwwwww this one is so cute <3' as if i were an awkward stumbling puppy bonking my head against furniture

[nitrateglow]

My god-tier Audrey Hepburn movies

I just realized I’ve technically seen all of Audrey Hepburn’s movies-- or rather, all the movies in which she was given star billing.

So, because I’m bored, here’s a list of my top ten personal favorites of her films. The criteria is simple: 1) she had to have starred in it, so nothing from her pre-Roman Holiday career counts nor does 1989′s Always, and 2) this is based on my level of enjoyment of the movie in question.

1. Wait Until Dark

Wait Until Dark possesses many merits, but Hepburn is one of its key strengths. For me, the most interesting performances are the ones able to balance seemingly opposing elements of the character in question. Here, Hepburn balances vulnerability with inner strength, insecurity and terror with courage, angry frustration with budding confidence. She makes her character seem like such a real, vital presence, like someone you would know. Also, having someone as sweet as Hepburn as the target for the cruel mind games and brutal violence of the villains makes the horror all the more terrifying.

Beyond her performance, this movie feels like it was tailor-designed to appeal to me: an intelligent and formidable villain, the everyday setting juxtaposed with a menacing atmosphere, scary scenes that don’t rely on gore, eccentric criminals, dark humor, a tight script without an ounce of fat on it. But you’ve heard me go on, so I’ll leave it there.

2. Charade

Charade is a prime example of how to mix suspense and comedy. The mystery at the heart of the movie is very clever, with twists and turns every other moment, constantly keeping the audience on their toes. Best of all, the film holds up after repeat viewings because of the delicious chemistry between Hepburn and Cary Grant, and the witty screenplay, which has such an elegant and tight structure that I seethe with envy as a writer every time I revisit this glorious thriller.

As in Wait Until Dark, Hepburn is concerned for her life as she’s terrorized by criminals, only here, they’re mostly more humorous in nature, sometimes even lovable (except Scobie, he can just jump off a cliff). She mainly gets to exercise her comedic chops, throwing off quips, sarcastic lines, and screwball banter with wonderful finesse. It makes me sad she never made more films with Cary Grant-- the two have a spark that belies the large age gap between them.

3. Roman Holiday

The character-building, naturalistic performances, and humor make Roman Holiday one of the best examples of romantic comedy. The film has both a gentle touch and a grounded maturity that make it more than just a remix of the earlier and quite similar screwball comedy It Happened One Night. To get a bit literary and pretentious, it reminds me a bit of Romeo and Juliet-- not because of the romance, but in how the movie starts as a standard screwball comedy and ends on a lyrical, wistful note you might not have expected.

Even though this was her first lead role in a feature film, I think Hepburn’s performance as Ann remains one of her strongest. Ann feels regal and dignified while also possessing the naivete and restlessness of a teenager on the brink of adulthood. It’s as fabulous a star-establishing movie as anyone could want.

4. How to Steal a Million

How to Steal a Million is pure fun. Not a moment of this caper comedy is to be taken seriously (which makes it the perfect quarantine movie if you need something to de-stress with). I always regard this movie as Charade’s even frothier spiritual successor: both films are playful, stylish, funny, and packed with romantic banter, plot twists, and colorful 1960s fashions. The main difference is that in this one, there’s no mortal threat involved and the humor gets a little more risque though not crass.

Also, how nice is it for Hepburn to be paired with a leading man closer to her age? Peter O’Toole was only three years younger than Hepburn when this was filmed. The two of them have glorious, cute chemistry.

5. The Nun’s Story

I hate the question of “objective best” anything, but if you put a gun to my head, I would say The Nun’s Story is features Hepburn’s most impressive work as an actress. For those who accuse Hepburn of being too affected, of being a mere clothes’ horse, here she is bare-faced, dressed in a nun’s habit, and playing a very reserved character whose dilemmas are largely internal. She plays her character’s spiritual conflict with an understatement that could only be considered skillful.

The film itself will likely be seen as “too slow” by most and there are a few colonial elements towards the Congo section that date it, but the film’s strengths, both from Hepburn’s performance and the mature way it presents its individual versus the system story, give it classic status. Few movies regarding organized religion are this balanced and lacking in propaganda, either for or against it.

6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s

While still Hepburn’s most iconic role, Breakfast at Tiffany’s gets called “overrated” a lot these days and fans of the original Truman Capote novella routinely dog it for making heavy changes to the source material. There’s also the, you know, gross yellowface a la Mickey Rooney that deflates every scene in which he appears. However, is the move bad? NO. It juggles zany comedy, tender romance, and rather heavy drama too well for me to consign it to the “overrated” bin. Blake Edwards was a fine director and this movie is one of his best.

And Hepburn gives a damn good performance as Holly Golightly, even if she is not the character envisioned by Capote. This character could easily be unlikable if played the wrong way-- she’s a “phony,” rather pathetic, and self-loathing despite her wit and charm. But rather than coming off as an unbearable loser, Hepburn’s Holly is a realistic, relatable loser we all love in spite of her own delusions and lashing out. She might even hit too close to home (or maybe that’s just me).

7. Funny Face

Funny Face took a few viewings to grow on me. It was one of the first Hepburn movies I ever saw (that was back in high school) and I was initially excited because it was directed by Stanley Donen who co-directed Singin’ in the Rain with Gene Kelly, a long-time favorite of mine. I expected this movie to be just as sublime and was disappointed when it didn’t hit that high mark.

Rewatching it later, I now find it very charming. It’s incredibly upbeat and relaxing, the sort of old-school movie musical that doesn’t get made anymore. Hepburn’s singing is a bit rough in the bigger numbers, but she is very sweet, a damn good dancer, and quite attractive to the point where she just takes my breath away. Fred Astaire and Kay Thompson are also wonderful and get a lot of great moments that show off their talent.

8. My Fair Lady

When considering what would go on this list, I was honestly shocked to realize how much I like this movie. I’m in the camp that considers Hepburn miscast, I find George Cukor’s direction rather stiff, and I really don’t like how the ending is changed from the original play. In spite of all this, I still really enjoy this movie for the songs, costumes, and what remains of Shaw’s brilliant satire on class and gender relations. Those three hours go by and the movie never outstays its welcome.

While I think Hepburn wasn’t the number one best choice for the part (I don’t really buy her as a crass flower girl in the beginning), she isn’t a disaster by any means. She’s still charming and sympathetic, and once she makes her transformation, you have to wonder how Higgins held it together, she’s so gorgeous. And I love the relish with which she approaches the “Just you Wait” song or the way she delivers the “move your bloomin’ arse” line at the races.

9. Sabrina

I think producers figured because of the fairy tale appeal of Roman Holiday, Hepburn would be perfect for this modern take on Cinderella, set in 1950s New York. Just like in Roman Holiday, Hepburn gets to undergo dramatic character development and show her comedic skills. It’s a cute movie, with a very charming William Holden and gorgeous black-and-white cinematography. It’s also shockingly uncynical for a Billy Wilder project.

About the closest thing this movie has to a flaw is Humphrey Bogart as Linus, the guy who Sabrina chooses in the end. This is a role Cary Grant could have played in his sleep, but Bogart clearly is not enjoying himself in some scenes. However, he isn’t movie-breakingly bad by any means. His character is meant to be a hidden softie and far more dependable than his handsomer brother, so I can buy that Sabrina would warm to him in the end.

10. They All Laughed

People tend to argue what the last “worthwhile” Hepburn movie is. Most argue it’s 1976′s Robin and Marian, while I’ve seen some go as far back as How to Steal a Million in 1966. They All Laughed, a Peter Bogdonavich comedy from 1981, gets my vote. This is a love letter to screwball comedies much like Bogdonavich’s 1972 classic What’s Up Doc, only with a far more melancholy edge.

Hepburn does not become a major presence in the movie until nearly halfway through. However, she approaches her role with a mature dignity that makes me wish she’d done more work along this line towards the end of her career. Her character comes off as an older, sadder Princess Ann from Roman Holiday. This makes the movie sound morose, but it isn’t: it ends with life going on and the characters accepting that with grace.

[etherealtauruss]

tk being insecure about his body hc? please make it mostly fluffy after the angst. i’m soft 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

so .. i may have turned this into 2k words worth of a fic? enjoy!!!

you need some lovin’ (tender lovin’ care)

read on ao3

The 126 and 130 were responding to an apartment complex fire just off of West 6th Street. The blazing inferno– to everyone’s knowledge– seemed to be purposefully started. Thus, APD, and in turn Carlos, were called to the scene as well. He had to take statements from witnesses about the potential arsonist.

One thing to note: TK isn’t fond of the 130. If we’re being technical, he isn’t fond of one member in particular; Jake Matthews. Honestly, loathe is a better word. TK loathes Jake Matthews.

Jake is Carlos’ ex-boyfriend; obsessive ex-boyfriend, to be exact. Ever since he and Carlos broke it off, he’s had a personal vendetta against TK.

But, it wasn’t TK’s fault they broke up. The split happened 6 months before he and his dad even stepped foot in Austin. And yet, he was still being held accountable.

Jake and TK were complete opposites in every way imaginable. Jake was a big guy. He was well over 6 feet, probably weighed a calm 200 pounds, pretty bulky, and was hung between the legs; if the bulge that graced the front of his pants at all times was anything to go by. So sure, Jake definitely had TK beat physically according to societal standards, but mentally and emotionally? TK came first in that race.

Carlos assured him of that plenty of times before. “Baby, you’re so much better than him. I don’t even know what I saw in that guy.” He nibbled on the shell of TK’s ear and continued, “The way you treat me. Love me. Make love to me. Not to mention that impressive package between those thighs, it’s heavenly...”

TK shivered at the thought of that conversation, mainly because of the events that took place afterward. Point is, TK wasn’t worried. Carlos only had eyes for him and visa versa. Nonetheless, anytime both crews were responding to a call, Jake always had something nasty to say to TK. And for TK to claim it didn’t get under his skin in the slightest? Yeah, that would be a lie.

The worst part about it all is Jake would play coy whenever Carlos came around. Luckily, Carlos didn’t believe the sorry act for a second.

After the conflagration was extinguished, all the first responders made sure everyone was accounted for. The crews started to settle down on the side of the road, catching their breath.

“Hey TK.” TK rolled his eyes, and begrudgingly looked up at the person who was speaking to him.

“What do you want Jake?”

“How’s ‘Los?”

TK glanced to where his boyfriend was standing, “He’s fine. We’re fine.” He paused for a beat, “And don’t call him ‘Los. You guys aren’t friends anymore.”

“What’s he still doing with a pretty boy like you anyways?”, Jake sneered.

“Pretty boy? Really?”

“Did I lie, Strand? You’re not very tall. Your build is mediocre, and I’m sure the situation between your legs doesn’t satisfy your man.”

TK swallowed thickly, trying to keep his emotions at bay. He wasn’t too upset. Jake was targeting physical aspects, and for the most part, he was pretty confident in his body. Or, so he thought.

TK could recognize parts of his piece-of-shit ex Alex in Jake. The confidence he held for his physical attributes had been whittled away to mere nubs during said relationship. Wounds he thought had healed were starting to open back up. Jake and Alex were one in the same. They deserved to be together if Alex ever made his way to Austin.

He felt the blood rushing in his ears. His heart was beating a mile a minute. He wished they’d get another call. He wished someone would rescue him. He wish–

“–I remember when he and I were together, he told me he loved being manhandled. Thrown onto the bed. Hands pinned above his head.”

“You can stop,” TK interrupted, in an attempt to get Jake to shut up.

“After rough shifts I’d make love to him, feeling him all around me, knowing he was all mine. But you wouldn’t know about that would you.”

“Jake, I get it.” TK pleaded. He didn’t need to hear about Carlos’ previous sex life; let alone his fantasies that TK couldn’t fulfill. Why hadn’t Carlos mentioned any of these desires to TK? Carlos wouldn’t leave TK. He knew this but he couldn’t help but wonder if he was ever good enough for his saint of a lover.

“If we’re being brutally honest, you’re not his type at all,” he snickered. “Or maybe you are. He helps people for a living. You’re nothing but a charity case to him.”

“That’s enough.”

Carlos. That was Carlos’ voice. Carlos was here.

TK let out a shaky breath he didn’t realize was stored away. Neither of the two firefighters had noticed that he approached them.

“Jake, you can go now. You’ll be hearing from your chief by the end of this week. Let’s hope you’re not without a job for verbally assaulting another first responder”.

TK silently thanked the angels above. The tears that had welled up in his eyes finally spilled over the threshold.

“C’mere Tiger,” Carlos cooed. He wrapped TK in his arms, running a reassuring hand along his boyfriend’s back.

“I shouldn’t be crying,” he let out a wet laugh. “Sorry.”

Carlos placed a finger beneath TK’s chin, causing his boyfriend to look him in the eyes. Rubbing calming circles on his cheekbones in order to get rid of the stray tears that lingered on his face.

“Never apologize for how you feel. From what I was able to catch, Jake said some pretty disgusting things to you. He belittled you, and targeted your insecurities. I’m so sorry you had to hear that, Ty.”

Carlos sighed, “And none of what he said was true by any means. You’re not a charity case. You’re the love of my life.”

TK shrugged, still not fully convinced. He knew what Carlos meant well, and that he’d never lie to TK, but he couldn’t help the feeling of doubt threatening to swallow him whole.

“How about we get you home?”

“Can’t.” TK mumbled into his boyfriend’s shirt. “Not done with my shift.”

“I talked to your dad before heading over to you, he said it’s fine.”

The couple made their way to Carlos’ patrol car, fingers intertwined. They settled themselves into the vehicle, Carlos placed a loving hand on TK’s knee.

“Are you hungry?”

TK simply shook his head. He couldn’t speak just yet; he knew it’d just result in him crying again.

Carlos stopped at Raising Cane’s on their way home anyways. Though TK claimed not to be hungry now, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be later once all his worries had been washed away by some good ol’ TLC. The fact that chicken fingers were TK’s favorite comfort food was an added bonus.

They entered Carlos’ apartment and TK immediately shed all of his gear at the door. Again, Carlos engulfed the younger in a hug.

“‘Los?” TK questioned, barely above a whisper.

His partner hummed in response.

“Can we shower together?”

“Of course, love.”

They started towards the bathroom, their food abandoned on the dining room table. TK flicked on the light and began removing all his clothing. Well, almost all of it. He kept his briefs on, thinking back to what Jake had said to him.

“Ty?” Carlos asked. “What’s the matter?”

“I-, well. I-,” TK sighed in frustration. “Is my dick too small for you?”

Carlos was taken back and had to bite his lip to hold in a chuckle at his boyfriend’s brash words.

“I’m being serious!”, TK whined. His bottom lip jutting out to display his infamous pout.

“Baby, you are perfect for me in every way.”

TK crossed his arms. “You’re just saying that because you’re my boyfriend.”

“No.” Carlos started, “I’m saying that because it’s true”.

The older man began to undress as well, “And why are you asking me that?”

TK stayed silent. He wanted to tell Carlos everything Jake said, but at the same breath, he’d much rather not relive the conversation.

Carlos waited a few moments for a reply, stark naked in front of his significant other. His tan body glistening under the glow of the luminous lighting. His muscles that looked like they were painted onto his body flexing. Not to mention the member that was the icing on the cake; perfectly hung between two burly thighs. TK’s cock twitched at the sight of his boyfriend. Had he not been upset, he would’ve jumped Carlos’ bones then and there.

He sighed, “Ty. Baby, you have to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

Before he knew it, TK words were spilling out of his mouth like vomit. “Jake said that I don’t satisfy your needs. He reminisced about how you guys used to make love. Told me that you like being manhandled. You never told me you liked to be manhandled. Why didn’t you tell me? I can do it. I’ve done it. Is that what you want? I can work out a bit more, start upping my weight–”

Carlos intercepted, “–Sweetheart, breathe.” They took deep breaths together. “Now, start over, and go slower.”

“Jake basically just reminded me how different he and I are from each other. Which isn’t a bad thing, except it is? Our body types are nothing alike. I like my body; trust me, I do. I work hard to keep it this way, but I had no idea me not being super ripped made you feel like I couldn’t top in the bedroom.”

For the third time that day, Carlos enveloped the younger in a bone-crushing hug. Deft fingers ran through TK’s hair, pausing at the nape of his neck to scratch lightly. TK melted under the touch, practically turning to putty in his lover’s arms.

“Baby, have I ever said anything to make you insecure? Be honest, please.”

TK huffed, “No.” He adjusted his hands so that he was tracing random patterns onto Carlos’ back.

“That’s the worst part about it. You do everything right, and I let your jerk of an ex-boyfriend get inside my head.”

“Well, I doubt I do everything right. But I certainly do make an effort to keep you happy.”

“Babe, it's not you, I swear. Just the shit Jake said was fucked up. It made me feel bad about what I can’t do for you.”

“Can I let you in on a secret?”

“No time like the present.”

“I like taking care of you in the bedroom. I take it Jake never told you why we broke up?”

“Nah, don’t think that’s ever going to be on his agenda.”

“We split because he was too controlling”, Carlos revealed. “You know better than anyone else, I love taking care of people. So, imagine my surprise when he didn’t let me take initiative in anything. Not the bedroom. Not where we went on our dates. Not even what was for dinner.”

“But you love cooking?”

“Exactly. He didn’t even let me do what I loved most. I couldn’t take the constant nagging, and the unnecessary controlling demeanor, so I broke it off. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“So you mean to tell me, he was deflecting? That whole time?”

“Yep.”

“I feel like an idiot” Tk replied, letting out a soft chuckle.

“No way you could’ve known. And Ty? You mean everything and more to me. What we have is irreplaceable. Every inch of you deserves tender loving care. From your alluring sea-green eyes to your incredible compassion.”

TK captured Carlos’ lips in a sloppy kiss. All the emotions of the day embedded in this act of affection. Between the intense licking into Carlos’ mouth, and their naked bodies pressed against each other; things were heating up, fast.

They pulled away from each other breathlessly, shallow pants exiting their lungs. 

“Our food is probably ice cold by now, Tiger” Carlos said, turning the faucet to the shower, allowing the water to heat up.

“It’s fine. We can just reheat it in the air fryer.” TK replied, going in for another searing kiss.

The two stumbled into the shower, relishing in each other’s presence. The food could wait.

[not-majestic-bluenicorn]

Crescent || Chapter 1

Fandom(s): ATEEZ

AU: Treasure Hunters

Genre: Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi

Relationship: Everyone x Everyone, Established Hongjoong x Yunho

Language: English

Status: Ongoing

Chapter WC: 2,913 words

Warnings:  Character Death, Stabbing, Fighting, Blood, Aliens, War, Funerals, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, Mentions of Child Abuse / Child Work, Explosions, Murder Attempt, more will be added.

Chapter Warnings: Character Death, Stabbing, Fighting, Blood, Aliens, War, Funerals.

Summary: 

After the death of his oldest brother, heir to the crown, prince Hongjoong embarks on a journey to find the mythical Treasure of the Seven Galaxies. Wanting the treasure to finance the war against the people who killed his brother, prince Hongjoong will travel across space with the help of old friends and new, facing enemies he never expected. Together Hongjoong and his new crew will have to decide what they are truly fighting for: what is your treasure?

AO3

<< Teasers | Masterlist | Next Chapter >>

Taejoong held the hilt tightly as he lifted his foot and kicked the soldier away, retrieving his sword. He had lost his helmet some time ago during the fight, and his face was covered in dirt, sweat and blood. The fight had been going for hours, but dusk would soon come and the enemies would fall back to cover themselves from the cold that enveloped the Sierra desert, the biggest in the Bazara exoplanet. 

The Elgen had done an excellent job at choosing the site of attack, and Taejoong had to congratulate them for their strategy. Their thick, scaly skin provided them protection against the harsh weather, they could easily withstand the sandstorms and fight throughout the day. Their only disadvantage was the cold of the night. However, without a satellite to provide natural light in the darkness and the time they needed for recovery, the humans had been unable to perform a surprise attack at night, when the Elgen were at their weakest point.

Bazara was considerably small for a planet, and mostly consisted of deserts, but under its surface it was bustling with coveted resources. The planet was under the rulership of the Kim Empire, the biggest human made empire in that galaxy and the neighboring ones, which certainly made it the target of other empires and species. This invasion had already been going on for two weeks, but it was not slowing down.

Another soldier lunged forward and Taejoong retreated, earning himself time to activate his shield. He deflected the opponent’s sword by pushing it away and brought his long sword forward, piercing the arm of the Elgen soldier. Taejoong pressed a button on the hilt and electrocuted the enemy, who fell to the ground unconscious. He kept up his guard as he approached the soldier and leaned down to check on his vital signs; he was unconscious but alive, which meant they could take him back to camp and try to obtain information from him.

Taejoong wasn’t fond of taking prisoners, but he was less fond of stabbing someone unconscious or leaving them there to die. As he took a look around, he noticed that the rest of Elgen had already retreated, and all that was left was to gather those who were still standing and take the wounded back to camp. His sword shrunk into a dagger and his shield became once again just a gauntlet. When he crouched to pick up the fallen Elgen, he noticed a familiar coat of arms and smiled.

“Right in time!” Taejoong exclaimed, sitting up the Elgen and passing their arm over his shoulders. “Tell the others to start gathering our injured and dead, we need to send them back to their home planets and reward them for their service. Night is falling soon so we need to be quick before the sandstorms start and make it impossible to see anything.”

With great effort, he stood up and brought the unconscious soldier with him. Taejoong continued voicing his orders as he turned around and started his way back to camp; maybe if they were fast enough they could change their location to cover the terrain they had just recovered from the Elgen. As he walked away, he felt pain through his back and chest, which spread quickly to the rest of his body. He fell to his knees, and when he looked down, he managed to catch the sword piercing his chest as it pulled back.

—

“We were too careless!” Yunho screamed as his sword locked with another and he pushed forward to deflect it, retreating once he had succeeded. 

“What are you talking about! Don’t you like surprises?” Hongjoong mocked, way too excited for his own good.

He stabbed an Elgen soldier clearly in the stomach before kicking them back. He pivoted on his right leg as his sword became a throwing dagger, attached to his arm firmly by a chain, and threw it towards an enemy that was running to them. The dagger sank onto the Elgen’s shoulder and Hongjoong pressed the button to electrocute them, quickly sending them to the ground. He felt Yunho’s back press against his and he smiled, of course he could count on his right hand to keep him safe.

“You’re so boring, dear Lieutenant general, relax a little.” Hongjoong smiled as he retrieved his dagger, turning it into a short-sword.

Yunho huffed. It was so easy for Hongjoong to say that because he wasn’t the one taking care of his own back. Yunho couldn’t complain though, Hongjoong was vicious in battle, second only to his older brother, almost invincible. And that little part of him that was vulnerable to defeat was what Yunho protected. He wouldn’t be able to let Hongjoong get out of his sight if he tried, anyway, so might as well protect him.

The Elgen were tall but thin, and because of their reforced skin the Empire had fortified their weapons in order to make them more effective. Soon enough, Hongjoong’s troop had finished off the battle, and won. They had been inspecting some caves for a new base when the Elgen attacked them. The attack had been unexpected, an ambush, but they had been able to defend themselves and emerge victorious.

“Round up and count the injured!” The lieutenant in charge of the troop ordered and he was answered by a chorus of ‘yes sir!’. “Sir,” Lieutenant Hwang saluted Hongjoong and then Yunho, who saluted back.

“Lieutenant,” Hongjoong acknowledged him with a nod. “Do you think there will be enough men to guard this spot so the Elgen can’t claim it again?”

“It is still difficult to say sir, I’ll inform you once the headcount is done.” The lieutenant explained. “The battle was quite brutal however, and we need to get the injured back to the main camp. We might need to call for reinforcements.” 

“Alright, keep me informed.” Hongjoong nodded, but before the man walked away, he stopped him. “Good job on leading your troop through the ambush Lieutenant Hwang, I expected no less.” 

The lieutenant saluted before going back to check on his soldiers, and Hongjoong allowed himself to relax for a second. Yunho chuckled next to him, wiping off sweat from his forehead. Hongjoong pushed him softly and shook his head; he looked around to make sure no one was close enough to them before he began talking. Yunho looked at him with a soft smile on his face and listened.

“I know you already know, because he’s your prince-”

“Not more than you are.” Yunho interrupted briefly, causing Hongjoong to blush profusely.

“Not the point!” The General said through gritted teeth. “My brother’s birthday is next week and I am so excited for it! I insisted aunt Mira until she taught me how to cook his favorite dishes.” Hongjoong explained, obviously too excited.

Everyone knew that Hongjoong looked up to his brother. Taejoong was his role model and Hongjoong’s favorite person besides Yunho; he had been planning his brother’s birthday celebration for almost a month, and he talked so much about it it was almost certain his brother knew already. It was difficult to dissuade him of talking about it, though, since it brightened his expression so much.

“You? Cooking? It should be considered treason, you’ll probably poison your brother.” Yunho chuckled, earning himself a punch and a death glare from Hongjoong. Yunho was not deterred by this though, as he grabbed Hongjoong’s arm and pulled him closer, pecking him slightly on the lips.

“Don’t do that! We’re in public.” Hongjoong almost yelled, pushing Yunho away. “And my cooking is not that awful.” He crossed his arms. “Is it?”

“Of course not!” Yunho smiled, looking apologetic. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel insecure.” Hongjoong shook his head.

“Do you think he’ll like his gift?” Hongjoong bit his lip, eyes trained on the floor.

“I’m sure he’ll love it.”

—

Taejoong held his hands to his chest, pressuring the wound, dropping the Elgen soldier as he tried to keep the blood from pouring out, but it was impossible. He fell on his side, and looked up when a dirty boot pushed him so he was lying on his back. Pain flooded his body as he felt sand and dirt press into his back injury, and groaned and winced in pain.

His sight became blurry from the mix of tears and agony, and when he looked up, he couldn’t quite make the face of the person that stood before him. He knew just by the colors that it was one of his own though. The soldier stabbed the fallen Elgen multiple times before looking back at Taejoong, who had begun to shake uncontrollably.

“Who… are you?” He managed to sputter out, coughing blood. The man laughed but didn’t reply. “Who sent you… why?” 

How was no one seeing him bleed out? Surely, someone must have noticed when he had stopped given orders, when he had stopped guiding them. And yet he couldn’t hear anyone coming to help him. Taejoong was going to die by the hands of his own soldier, and he couldn’t find a reason why.

“Hongjoong…” He whispered, because even then he could only think of his youngest brother, fighting his own battles somewhere in that deserted planet. What if he was in danger too? “I’m s-sorry…” His breathing stopped.

“Help! General Kim has been attacked! Somebody help!” 

—

“I promise you he will like your gift!” Yunho insisted, trying to hide his smile. “You’re literally his favorite person in the Empire, no- in the universe.”

“I’d say Livia is pretty high up there too.” Hongjoong mumbled, making Yunho laugh.

“Princess Livia is Prince Taejoong’s wife though.” Yunho said with a smile. “It’ll be fine.”

As Hongjoong was about to retort, a slider parked outside of the cave they were in and a hurried soldier ran towards them. Her face was livid as she made her way up to Hongjoong, but there was no hesitation in her voice when she gave them the news.

“Sir,” she saluted. Her shoulders were strained with tension. “General Kim Taejoong has passed away in combat.”

Hongjoong’s face became pale, and a second later he was running towards the slider. Yunho followed him in a hurry and stopped him right before he mounted, holding him in place. Hongjoong battled in his arms and threw a punch at his face, which Yunho barely avoided. He held him down nonetheless and boarded the slider first.

“I’ll drive, before you kill yourself on the way.” Yunho explained.

Hongjoong boarded behind him and held tight. Sliders like this one were made for messengers, one person who needed to deliver a message quickly, and it really wasn’t supposed to hold both Yunho and Hongjoong on it. However, Hongjoong wasn’t about to be left behind, and Yunho wasn’t going to let him drive it, so he would hold on for dear life until they had made it with his brother.

Yunho started up the engine and they bolted out of there. Through their communication network, he asked for the coordinates and in just a few minutes they had already arrived. When Hongjoong let go of him, Yunho felt the sting of the cuts that his nails had left behind from holding so tightly. Hongjoong didn’t wait for him to turn off the engine and jumped off the slider, running towards the mass of people.

“Let me through!” He yelled, and the soldiers in front of him parted, letting him see.

The army nurses had already loaded the body on a stretcher and were taking it to the medical slider. No one saw it coming when Hongjoong threw himself at them, trying to stop them from taking his brother away. Yunho ran towards him and pulled him away, shielding him with his body, but it was too late, Hongjoong had already seen it all.

He became violent, hitting Yunho and demanding him to move. But Yunho didn’t budge. Instead, he took Hongjoong away from the masses so they wouldn’t see him in that state. When they were finally alone, away from the prying eyes, Hongjoong broke down in his arms. He cursed Yunho out, demanding to return his brother, to let him go see him. And through it all, Yunho just held him.

—

Hongjoong stood next to his middle brother Yijoong and his father, the Emperor, on the front row at the palace's ballroom. The space had been adapted to hold the funeral, and as far as Hongjoong remembered, this was the second time he got to see it like this. His memories of the first time weren't too clear. He had been too young when the Empress, his mother, had passed away as a victim of illness. And now he stood there, waiting for his older brother to be brought to the front.

His eyes were fixed on the thrones as the soldiers carried the coffin on their shoulders. Hongjoong couldn't really hear anything besides the noise in his head. He was vaguely conscious of a few people crying, but the royal family was somewhat small and most of their family friends were in the military. Everyone expected them to just remain serious and wait.

Yunho had embraced him all throughout the previous day while the preparations for the ceremony were carried, but it wasn't enough and Hongjoong wished he could be there by his side. As it was, though, Yunho was probably standing a few rows behind him. The only good thing was that, at least, he had cried enough in the previous 24 hours that he didn't have a tear left to cry in the ceremony. Yijoong and his father were stoic as well, and Hongjoong couldn't help but think they certainly made an exemplary family of soldiers.

The emperor was the first to give his farewell speech. Hongjoong couldn't help but look away when the words died in his father's throat, as he looked over at the coffin for a long minute, just contemplating it. His father had lost his wife and a son. Yijoong and him had lost their mother and now a brother, how could they not break apart even just a moment? And still, the speech ended with no tears.

As Yijoong went to the front to speak about their eldest brother, Hongjoong put his hand inside his coat and pulled out a compass. It was a round black box the size of his palm, engraved with his initials. Taejoong had given it to him as a birthday gift when he had completed his studies in navigation, as it was one of Hongjoong's passions. The outside was simple, but the inside was beautifully designed and the golden needle never failed to show him the way. He wished it would also show him the way to bring his brother back.

When Yijoong was done speaking, it was Hongjoong's turn to stand up and walk to the front. As he stood up behind the stand, he looked at Yunho, whose eyes were fixed on him with intensity, body tense. Hongjoong guessed that the younger wanted to run out of his place and hug him, to protect him from the pain of loss. Yunho was silly like that, ready to throw away everything for him. Hongjoong nodded, and after Yunho nodded back, he fixed his eyes on the coffin and began talking.

"Everyone knows this already, but my brother was the most amazing person in my eyes, in my life." Hongjoong's voice was firm as he spoke. "He encouraged me and guided me to become the person I am today, and I would never be here without him.

"He was loved by everyone who got to meet him personally, and admired by many more who never got a chance to speak to him." As he felt his voice falter, he stopped for a moment and breathed deeply. "He was the strongest swordsman and soldier in the Empire, yet he had the kindest heart and always strove for peace and negotiation, only raising his weapon when it was to defend his people, and still never aiming to kill.

"Everyone will remember him as an amazing leader and General, but that is not everything about him." Hongjoong smiled slightly. "My brother was the kindest person I have ever known, always discussing new ways of improving the empire. But he was also an amazing brother, taking care of me and Yijoong, looking for his family and friends.

"He made all of our lives better, and he would have been an amazing emperor." This time, Hongjoong looked at the front, looking for comfort in Yunho's expression. "He lived with kindness and died being kind, as the enemy whose life he had chosen to spare, as he often did, stabbed him in the back." Hongjoong sighed. "And still, I'm sure he wouldn't have hesitated to do it again even knowing the outcome.

"I'll miss him, but I hope that wherever he is, he'll continue to guide us through the legacy he left to us." Hongjoong spared one last glance at his brother before getting off of the stand and walking back to his family.

The rest of the ceremony went by but Hongjoong paid almost no attention to it. If his brother was anywhere, it was not in that expensive ceremony to honor him. So Hongjoong held the compass tight to his heart and mourned in silence, hoping that wherever he was, his brother was still looking at him.

[purplecatghostposts]

guess what, it's another free ramble pass! same stuff applies, just talk about whatever you want for as much as you want, and doesn't have to be limited to one topic!

You’re a life saver let’s GO

Okay so today I’m gonna go off the deep end and talk about some OCs and a personal project that I think about a lot so let’s talk about Haakon and Nesta, a couple of deities.

These two come from a world known as Cordtritos (Which if you’re curious, comes from the Latin words ‘Contritos Corde’ meaning ‘Broken Hearted’ or ‘Heart Broken’). Deities are often in charge of one central thing and a couple of smaller things that go with it. That being said, Haakon is the God of Destruction, along with Darkness, Power, and later is considered the God of Demons. Nesta on the other hand, is the Deity of Creation, along with Light, Knowledge, and later Angels as well.

You would think with titles like Creation and Destruction that they would’ve created Cordtritos but that’s not the case. They did not create the world, but rather, the world created them. Both of them were born into the world with little idea of the power they held and only had each other. Despite not having actual parents, Haakon and Nesta became siblings in every sense of the word and from that point on, always had each other’s backs.

I’m not going to go too deep into the background surrounding how those two realized they weren’t like other mortal beings and eventually came to be deities because that’s a whole other can of worms but eventually, the pair of them realized they had a lot more power than anything else that walked the planet. They learned their abilities over the century that followed but it wasn’t truly put to the test until war came. Or more accurately, wars.

As the moral beings of the world began to create cities and kingdoms, they began to fight as well. As unfortunate and terrible as war and conflict is, it does tend to break out between countries are at odds for resources and land. The biggest problem however was that they never stopped. Even after one country won a war, they would just end up getting into another- and this happened globally. Those who didn’t want to fight were dragged into alliances that would eventually break apart and peace was scarce to come by. Haakon and Nesta couldn’t find a reason for it and it was severely damaging the world. So, eventually the pair summoned their strength and took matters into their own hands.

Even with their powers, singlehandedly trying to stop the fighting or tip the scales of war on one side so that it could end seemed impossible so they created their own armies.

Nesta, who came to be known as The Diplomat in these times and primarily focused on creating peace between different countries, created the Angels.

Haakon, who came to be known as The Warrior in these times and primarily focused on stopping the wars through tipping the scale, created the Demons.

Neither were initially good or bad but rather, were initially built for different roles to play. However when times got tough, Angels stepped in to join the fight or if needed, Demons would help with the negotiations.

It took a long time but eventually, the wars began to stop and all their effort had finally worked (Not going to go too in detail on how they managed to find the source of the sudden aggression because this is long enough as it is but once it was balanced out, things came to calm down). Haakon and Nesta finally established peace... But not without consequence.

Because somebody always has to loose in a war. Sometimes one side takes the short end of the stick in negotiations. There’s no way to please everybody, and as much as they tried to, there was a sizable amount of people who were not happy with the deities. And for the first time in their lives, Nesta and Haakon were demonized.

Nesta was criticized for being cold, calculating, and uncaring. Only wanting the results and now caring how they got them. It hit them pretty hard because they were never as great with emotions as Haakon and always hated that they weren’t. They tried- they really did! They had plenty of sympathy for people and understood their emotions but comforting people... Wasn’t their specialty. They understood creation and its process and how things worked- they could quite literally create a whole person without too much trouble- but relating and socializing and being vulnerable especially with other people that weren’t their brother? That was something they struggled with. And hearing these accusations going around only struck their deepest, darkest insecurities and hurt.

Haakon on the other hand, was rumored to be far more violent than he let on. A warlord who only wanted power and domination- who killed with a smile on his face- who bathed in the blood of mortals for fun. And he wasn’t bothered at first. Laughed it off because yeah, he had destructive magic and was a monster in battle but he knew himself. He loved socializing with mortals! They lived interesting lives and invented so many cool things! How couldn’t he love them? These rumors didn’t get to Haakon emotionally, but they began to affect his social life. Mortals began to avoid him, were uncomfortable with him, feared him- and that began to take a toll on him. Because he wasn’t violent- honest! But everyone else seemed to think so and that was what began to screw with his self esteem.

But even still, they tried to help the mortal world anyways. Their Angels and Demons were sent out to help in any way that they could in an effort to dispel the rumors and show the people that they were only trying to help, even if they did cause problems for some. Good intentions had to mean something, right?

But you can’t kill an idea.

And it all started to go wrong when they were praised as higher beings to be worshipped and started to get followers. Some of it went well- Haakon and Nesta rewarded their most loyal followers with magical abilities of their own that would be passed down for generations. Those bonds are the bonds that they remembered fondly, but unfortunately being powerful deities means you attract unwanted attention as well. Especially if you happen to be a God of Destruction.

Some who began to worship Haakon thought destruction meant destroying everything. That by committing acts of terror, they were honoring their god rather than disgracing him further. And some joined purely with the intent to destroy in his name simply because they wanted to. Because hurting people was fun for them.

Haakon tried his best to get rid of them or at the very least, try and tell them that they weren’t getting it. Destruction wasn’t about ruining lives- it was meant to be a good thing. Destroying the things that are holding you back from being happy; destroying the socialital norms that are doing more harm than good or simply aren’t needed because the only thing one needs are morals, not norms; destruction in order to create freedom- that was true destruction.

Sometimes Haakon was able to get through to people. Often times, they rejected his message and continued to create hurt for their own amusement.

It was bad but Haakon was trying to handle it. He still believed that he could get through to these people- they were just misguided! Until they did something that would make him snap.

They targeted his sibling.

Even after hundreds of years, Haakon still doesn’t know how they managed to do it. But they lured Nesta into a trap and casted a spell of their own that corrupted Nesta almost to the point where they were too far gone. And as a result, Nesta caused mass destruction in the name of order and creation.

It didn’t just effect Nesta either. The corruption spread to every single Angel as they all ruled under their command and they began to lay siege all over the world. Nesta was so heavily affected that when Haakon tried to reason with them, they attacked him brutally and didn’t hold back. Haakon was forced to fight their own sibling to the point where he had to incapacitate them and lock them away until he could find a cure for the corruption.

Haakon traced it all back to the same group he had been trying so hard to save and he finally snapped. Because he could forgive the tarnish to his own name but not to his sibling’s, and Haakon could never forgive the fact that they forced him to fight them.

Haakon wiped them off the map without blinking twice. He managed to remove the corruption from their siblings mind and from all of their proxies. And when Nesta finally woke up and smelled the ashes, they were deeply heartbroken at the wrath they had inflicted upon the world. Kingdoms turned to ash, thousands dead and thousands more injured or in grief- it was all too much to handle. The guilt made them create a rule for themselves and all future deities that they were to keep out of mortal affairs and keep interaction to a minimum. For the safety of all.

But Haakon hated seeing their sibling in pieces so he decided to change the story and tamper with the mortal world majorly for the last time.

Memories were erased or manipulated to all except the deities. Angels forgot that they destroyed, Demons forgot what side they were on, and the mortals were lead to believe that it was Haakon who went on a rampage, not Nesta.

Haakon covered it up left and right, taking the blame despite their sibling’s protests. And thus, the mortal wrath was placed on Haakon and his Demons, not Nesta.

A massive cover up that Haakon works so hard to keep under wraps. Problem is that there’s a few inaccuracies if you know where to look.

For example, when at full power, Haakon’s eyes turn pure, glowing white. But in some paintings created just after this tragedy that happened centuries ago, the deity in them has pure black eyes, which is the same way Nesta’s eyes look at full power.

But the paintings are just inaccurate or misremembered... Right?

—

Yeah this is literally me just dumping about my made up history for one of my worlds OOPS hopefully this was entertaining in one aspect or another.

I just care them a lot. Two sibling deities trying to make it in the world and who care about each other... I think about them a lot.

[wichols]

Angst/Fluff Writing Prompt Fun Wrap Up!

Now that I have finally finished all the submitted prompts I thought it would be fun to do a cute little wrap up in case you might have missed any of the stories along the way, along with some background/thoughts/feels about each one! Duration May 13th - July 15th (that was longer than I expected but cool!) 1.  Rain and Confessions (Kyoya X Haruhi WC: 1,662)  Prompt: “And yet, you’re still not enough.”  Summary: After her graduation from law school, Haruhi and Kyoya pack up her apartment in preparation of Haruhi moving back to Japan. Kyoya has been waiting years for this moment and he is going to let Haruhi know exactly how he feels about Haruhi and isn't going to let a little rain ruin his plans for them. AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: This prompt is a canon insecurity for Kyoya and so it was easy for me to write- considering I posted the prompt list on the 13th and uploaded it on the 14th. But also it was so hard to write because they are my OTP!! It pained me to make them suffer like this. To make Kyoya vulnerable is tough. To bring down his walls in front of someone is a struggle. Upon reading back through it I dare say there is a peep of inspiration from Pride and Prejudice (can you spot the hidden Mr. Darcy-like quote?). Favorite Line:  “You say that you will do all these things out of your love for me but it is because of my love for you that I cannot accept your offer because you become less of who you are and more of the person you think I need.”  2. Public Masks for Private Matters (Takashi x Haruhi WC: 1,269) Prompt:  “Being alone would be better than being married to you.” 

Summary: Haruhi has finally reached her breaking point. After winning her career-defining case her world comes crashing down. Blame has been assigned and trust has been broken between Haruhi and Takashi. 

AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: The TakaHaru ship is by far one of the hardest ships to use with angsty writing because of the nature of Takashi. The hurt he could inflict on Haruhi isn’t something so obvious like physical/mental/emotional abuse. I think in my mind that it is his lack of response is the most believable response to causing conflict between them- his inability/insecurity to say the right thing at the right time. At least that is what it would come off to others. Takashi is an introvert/observer. If he was experiencing emotional distress he would probably cave in and bottle things up, holding the burden alone.  (Spoliers!!) The real secret behind this fic is that Takashi only ever told her the truth. Haruhi busted a major company for the terrible working conditions of their low income employees. A week after the close of the trial she was jumped by a group of people and was sent to the hospital. They had know she was pregnant for a short while and wanted to keep it a secret because of the high profile nature of the case- not even telling friends or family. They lost the baby and it broke them. To this day they still have not mentioned the loss of their child. So naturally they suffer alone, putting on masks for the public. I honestly thought about writing something more with this background information but it just seemed a little difficult to set up the scene. Favorite Line:  “The love I held for you is what blinded me.“ 3. Cameras and Questions (Kyoya x Haruhi WC: 1,181) Prompt:  An almost kiss Summary:  Yet again Kyoya convinces Haruhi to be his date to another gala event. Haruhi asks a question that gets answered in the most unusual way. Is there more going on between a young no-name lawyer and one of Japan's Top 5 Eligible Bachelors than the public is aware? AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net

Thoughts: This was so fun to write! I love writing snarky Haruhi. I also love writing the back and forth between them. I mean they are my OTP I love the chase. XD I feel like they both can be very up front with each other but that they enjoy the subtleties of their conversations. I love the challenge between them, and how they push and test each other. I think in the beginning I didn’t quite know how to put them in a situation where there was an almost kiss, mostly because I still couldn’t get myself to fully commit to a fluffy piece of writing. But I think with what I did I could classify it as fluff defined by my standards (nobody died and everyone is happy). Favorite Line:  “I don’t know any Ootori man to half-ass anything.” 4. Disgust and Devotion (Hikaru x Haruhi WC:1,083) Prompt:  “Please don’t cry.” & “It’s three in the morning. What could you possibly want?” Summary:  They said that it wouldn't work between them. Are their worlds so far apart that it is impossible? Hikaru is caught up in another scandal and Haruhi has reached her limit. Does she love him enough to stay or is she just too weak to leave? AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: I think at this point in the prompts I still couldn’t get myself to write fluff and this ask was a fluff/angst mix with the two prompts provided. I do enjoy writing the HikaHaru ship even if there is not much out there. Originally when I was working on brainstorming ideas the end game was for them to have angry makeup sex. But I just couldn’t twist what I had in a way that would flow naturally with the base plot. I think I like writing Hikaru slightly drunk. It curves his temper and makes him more mellow. But he is still our impulsive little boy and he still has a ways to grow up. This wasn’t the first time that something like this has come up. Though both times he was not at fault (though in the original idea he totally did cheat one drunk night but couldn’t really remember). If anything the fluff is implied at the end.... Favorite Line:  “The media can make it look like anything they want to with a well-timed photo.” 5. Love Over Reason (Takashi x Haruhi WC: 2,102) Prompt: “Are you blushing?” Summary: Loving someone is complicated. Sometimes we feel as though the ones we love deserve more than we can give. Does spending six months apart change Takashi and Haruhi's feelings for the better or for worse? AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net Thoughts: There was about 5 days between this fic and Disgust and Devotion and I still couldn’t really bring myself to write straight fluff... But this turned into quite a piece. I think I was hitting a stride of coffee shop AUs and I just couldn’t help myself. Ever love someone so much you push them away because you think it will be better than dragging them through your mess? Well same. I think the fluff in this fic is subtle. They care so deeply for one another that they don’t want to hurt each other more. And just to be kind I added more fluff at the end. I’m not sure I really like how I used the prompt for this one but what’s posted is posted. Favorite Line:  “All I have ever wanted from you is you.” - This line still gets me all sorts of choked up when I read it.

6. Brutality Mixed With Intimacy (Takashi x Haruhi WC: 1,455)

Prompt:  'Please don't cry' or 'You know I have feelings for you, right?'

Summary:  After months of following dead ends, the Ouran Association finally has a solid lead to obtaining useful information on the ring leader of a major underground human trafficking organization in Japan. All other hits had gone to plan for Takashi but this one hit too close to home. With Haruhi as their next target, he couldn't handle the risk of possibly losing her.

AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net

Thoughts: Cue the beginning evidence of my current obsession with Mafia AU’s... The mafia au is just the perfect setting for my dark angsty heart! I just couldn’t resist. Especially when fluff was so far down the list of things I still wanted to write. I won’t name names but a certain TakaHaru shipper threatened me that they were going to write a fix it fic so that Haruhi actually ended up with Takashi instead of Tamaki. And of course she would end up with Tamaki, he of all of them would have the least blood on his hands.

Favorite Line:  “You were never going to make it to the drop off location.”

7. Fashion and Feelings (Hikaru x Haruhi WC: 2,691)

Prompt: “You know I have feelings for you right?”

Summary: After years of silently watching and pining for Haruhi from afar, Hikaru finally gets the courage to reveal his true feelings for her. With his new spring line debuting in a few short days Hikaru is going to lay his fashion reputation and love all on the line in hopes of having his feelings reciprocated.

AO3, Tumblr, FF.Net

Thoughts: Finally, FINALLY, finally I was able to pull out just the most fluffy fluff I could write! Like it took everything I had to put no angst in this one at all. This prompt sat for weeks and weeks without progress. I didn’t have a clue with what I was going to do with it. Like, it laughed at me with it’s blank doc. I wanted this final prompt to be just fluff so I left it to sit until I finally had a spark of fluff. This can be read alone or as part of the back story for Disgust and Devotion.  

Favorite Line:  “Most people would be creeped out by someone other than a significant other who bought them lingerie.” Final Thoughts:

Shortest- Cameras and Questions Longest- Fashion and Feelings Combined Total Word Count: 11,443 Title Themes- I really wanted to give this round of prompts a slightly longer title theme. My favorite is probably Brutality Mixed With Intimacy but a close runner up is Public Masks for Private Matters.

Favorite- Fashion and Feelings Least Favorite- Love Over Reason Thanks to everyone who submitted requests! It is always a pleasure writing for you!

[arrantsnowdrop]

A Dangerous Game - Chapter 3 (Theseus Scamander x OC series)

Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Summary: When Victoire McKinnon, one of the wizarding world's most proficient curse-breakers, is asked to assist and protect the Ministry of Magic's Auror Department in their crusade against Grindelwald, she finds herself stuck working with the extremely annoying, exceptionally good looking Theseus Scamander.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence and death, 2,674 words

..........

“He’s just so rude, Thea, I don’t understand how anyone could be so rude,” Victoire seethed, reaching out to grab a lengthy looking novel from the bookshelf in front of her. She plopped it down on top of the other two books she was already holding.

“He’s probably unnerved,” Anthea Barrows replied reassuringly. The two had been best friends at Hogwarts, both sorted into Gryffindor, both hired by Gringotts right after graduation. Anthea left her position as a Curse-Breaker a year ago to work as a full time professor at the Uagadou School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where she taught the interpretation of ancient runes.

Victoire worked there part time (still being heavily involved in the excavations Gringotts was conducting in Japan), teaching a few classes about ancient magical civilizations.

“I literally cannot deal with him, he somehow gets on every nerve in my entire body,” Victoire admitted, eyes scanning the shelves for any other books that could be of assistance.

Earlier that day, she’d discovered a vase enchanted with a vanishing spell while investigating a case with Theseus; the vase was likely the cause of three seasoned Aurors disappearing spontaneously during an assignment, but unfortunately, Victoire had absolutely no idea how to un-vanish them. She’d apparated to Uagadou immediately after work to search their large library for any helpful material, and Anthea had volunteered to help.

“I’m sure he’s just insecure Travers called in someone for assistance,” Anthea replied calmly, grabbing a book and adding it to her own pile. “He probably would’ve been annoyed with anyone in your position, so don’t take it too personally.”

“It’s like he enjoys making me mad,” Victoire grumbled, turning to face Anthea. “He’s always got this stupid grin on his face, like he knows he’s being a prick.”

“Ooh, he’s teasing you,” Anthea joked, wiggling her eyebrows. Victoire made a gagging noise and grimaced. “Is he hot?”

“Like the fucking sun,” Victoire muttered, picking up a dark blue book and inspecting it closely.

“You always get to work with beautiful men, it simply isn’t fair to me,” Anthea stated, turning around and beginning to walk towards the checkout desk.

“This is literally the first man my age I’ve ever worked with!” Victoire laughed, following her closely.

“Still more than me,” Anthea grinned.

“I’m gonna try to ignore him, though,” Victoire said. “I won’t let him break my resolve.”

“If he’s hot that’ll be pretty much impossible,” Anthea replied honestly. “Is he tall?”

“Yes.”

“Nice hair?”

“Definitely, he’s got that like unruly yet refined look going on, very swoopy,” Victoire remarked.

“Wow, what a catch!” Anthea remarked as they dropped their books on the head librarian’s desk.

“It’s such a pity he’s an asshole,” Victoire said mournfully.

“Oh, Miss McKinnon, it’s so lovely to see you again!” the elderly head librarian said happily, opening the book on the top of the pile to sign it out.

“I’ve only been away for a few days, Mrs. Hinde,” Victoire laughed.

“A few days too many, my dear,” Mrs. Hinde replied, smiling warmly.

“Victoire’s working at the Ministry now, Mrs. Hinde,” Anthea said.

“Is that so?”

“Yea, I’m helping solve a crime, very thrilling stuff,” Victoire added. Mrs. Hinde laughed.

“I would tell you to be careful, but considering what you do for a living, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” the older woman replied.

“I don’t know, fourteen Aurors have gone missing, seems a little risky,” Victoire said honestly.

“And I’m certain you’re far more capable of handling yourself than all fourteen of them,” Mrs. Hinde said genuinely, handing her a list of the books she’d checked out.

“Thank you, Mrs. Hinde,” Victoire replied.

“You just return these whenever you get the chance, dearie, have a lovely time in London!” she called, turning to greet the next library patron.

“I love that woman,” Victoire said to Anthea, sliding the stack of books into her worn bag.

“She’s one of the nicest people here, and that’s saying something, since everyone is nice here,” Anthea reflected. Victoire chuckled and hoisted her bag on her shoulder.

“I shall hopefully return in less than two weeks,” she said in a jokingly posh tone. “Do tend to any affairs that may arise in the meantime.”

“Of course, madame,” Anthea replied in an equally prissy voice, bowing deeply. The pair burst into a fit of quiet laughter and hugged tightly.

“Please be safe, Tor,” Anthea whispered.

“I will,” Victoire reassured, stepping back and offering her friend a bright smile before apparating back to London.

~~~~~

Two days later, Victoire was back in Theseus’s office, still sitting in the maroon armchair in the corner of the room. She had put in a request for her own desk space, which thankfully was granted fairly quickly, and her many books and papers were now scattered over its surface. She’d tried to ignore the remarks Theseus made about her poor organization skills.

“The Revelio Charm can be used to reveal the true appearance of a person who has changed their appearance using magic,” Victoire said, reading out loud from one of the books she had checked out.

Theseus hummed, not looking up from the report he was reading about a recent attack in London. One of Grindelwald’s followers (who unfortunately had not been identified) had murdered five people in broad daylight, two of whom were muggles. The Ministry had been in a tizzy trying to erase the non-magical community’s memory of the event.

“Does entering a state of nonbeing count as changing one’s appearance?” Theseus inquired. Victoire looked up at him, surprised he’d been paying attention.

“I don’t know, but I’m putting it on the list of spells that could possibly work,” she replied, scribbling a few notes down on a messy-looking piece of parchment.

“The three wizards who were killed seem to have nothing in common,” he noted, setting the report aside.

“Is that a good thing?” she asked. He nodded.

“It means they aren’t targeting specific groups of people yet,” he clarified.

“Yet?” Victoire questioned warily. Theseus nodded.

“These attacks are going to get more frequent and more brutal as Grindelwald gains power. It’s only a matter of time before he starts going after different lots of us to incite more fear,” he said dryly.

“Who do you think is most at risk?” she asked softly.

“Aurors,” Theseus said, looking up at her with tired eyes. “But we’ve already been seeing that. Anyone who works with muggles or deals with muggle affairs, or who has something he could use.”

Victoire nodded, sinking further into her seat. Theseus sighed, picking up another report from a stack of unread documents.

“Gringotts has been discussing what we’ll do if Grindelwald attacks,” she said reluctantly, interrupting the silence. Theseus looked up at her, a little surprised, but gestured for her to go on.

“The vaults have a lot of objects we’ve found over the years but haven’t been able to remove curses from,” she continued. “Most of them are under ancient spells we have no written record of, and of course we’re working on undoing the enchantments, but it’s time consuming and difficult.”

Theseus nodded.

“Anyways, we had a meeting a few weeks ago, and the main point was that Grindelwald would probably be able to use many of them to his advantage if he got his hands on them.”

“What are you going to do to prevent that?” Theseus asked genuinely.

“Upping security a lot, starting in a few weeks we’re halting most expeditions and excavations and reassigning people to guard vulnerable sites or the vaults themselves,” Victoire explained.

“And if Grindelwald targets them?”

“We’re supposed to defend them or die trying.”

A pause.

“I’m sorry, it’s not really relevant,” Victoire started, but Theseus shook his head.

“No, don’t apologize, Grindelwald is affecting all of us right now and it’s better to talk about it than try to pretend it isn’t happening,” he said. Victoire nodded, a little shocked he hadn’t criticized Gringotts or curse-breaking yet.

“Are you scared?” he asked.

“About what?”

“The worst possibilities, I guess,” he said, leaning back in his chair.

“I’m not afraid of dying, if that’s what you’re getting at,” she said, biting her lip thoughtfully. “I’ve almost died many times, and I think that’s why I’m not scared of that happening anymore.”

“I’m bloody terrified of dying,” Theseus exclaimed with a laugh. Victoire grinned.

“It’s what might happen if I die that scares me,” she admitted. “I know they’re going to reassign me to guard one of the main vaults, so if I die that means Grindelwald is going to have access to a bunch of dangerous shit. I think that’s terrifying.”

“Could you destroy the items in the vault? Or would that be more dangerous than just letting them be?” Theseus questioned. Victoire shrugged.

“I have moral issues with destroying any of the artifacts, but I don’t think that’s a possibility. Those curses are strong as fuck, regular spells won’t break them,” she said, stretching her arms over her head.

“You swear a lot,” Theseus chuckled.

“Sorry,” Victoire replied, grinning bashfully and redirecting her attention to the book in front of her. Up until this point she hadn’t shared any information about her job or personal life, and she was pleasantly surprised Theseus hadn’t made fun of her.

A comfortable silence fell over the room, interrupted only occasionally by the sound of Theseus’s quill or Victoire flipping a page in her book.

Suddenly, Victoire gasped and stood up abruptly. Theseus’s head shot up, expression laced with concern.

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed, eyes fixed on the book in front of her.

“Are you alright?” Theseus asked seriously. Victoire laughed and nodded, looking up at him with a wide smile on her face.

“Homenum Revelio, or the Human-presence-revealing Spell, can be used to indicate hidden bodies in the surrounding environment to the spell’s caster,” she said excitedly.

“That spell is usually used on people who have made themselves invisible somehow,” Theseus said, quite familiar with Homenum Revelio in his line of work.

“Yes, but it says here that in 1763, someone used it to reveal a person who accidentally cast the vanishing charm on themselves!” she continued, pacing around the room.

“Does it say whether or not that un-vanished the person?” Theseus asked.

“I’m assuming it didn’t, since this spell only shows where hidden things are, rather than unmasking them,” she said, “but this could help us find where the three Aurors’ presences are-”

“And that could help us figure out where to cast the actual revealing spell,” Theseus finished. “That’s genius!”

“I know!” Victoire squealed, jumping around in place. “Now we just have to figure out what spell to use after this one, and we’re basically all set!”

“How do we do that?”

“Since it seems like the event from 1763 is a recorded case, I’m going to try to figure out what they did back then,” she said, spinning around to face Theseus. Her brows knit together in confusion.

“What?” she asked. Theseus tilted his head to the side.

“What do you mean, what?” he asked.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” she clarified.

“I’m not staring at you!” Theseus said defensively.

“You just were!” Victoire accused.

“I most certainly was not!”

“You most certainly were!”

“Oh, fuck off,” Theseus hissed as he looked back down at the papers on his desk, cheeks tinged with a light pink.

Victoire laughed and returned to her seat, setting the book back down on top of her desk.

~~~~~

It was two in the morning. Victoire had read through two books and over twenty ministry reports but had found no information on the case from 1763. She was thoroughly frustrated.

The original footnote referenced a newspaper article that she’d found with ease, but it offered little information and didn’t say whether or not the person was ever un-vanished.

Victoire had discovered that the wizard’s presence was detected near the place the vanishing spell had been cast, meaning the three Aurors would probably be found back at the house on Chester Street. Other than that, she had nothing.

She yawned and stood up from her chair, throwing the report she’d been reading onto the floor haphazardly. Short-Snout hooted cheerfully from where he was resting on Victoire’s bed.

“I’m glad one of us is happy,” she muttered sarcastically, walking to the kitchen for another cup of tea.

She just wanted to finish coming up with a plan as soon as possible. Then, she could get the Ministry’s approval, execute a rescue mission, and move on to the next case. There were eleven more missing Aurors that needed to be found, and though Theseus had become more tolerable to work with, she was beginning to miss her normal job.

Of course, had she not had to work with the Ministry, she’d be on vacation right now. She was still annoyed about that.

The kettle was just starting to boil when Victoire heard something bounce off her window. She jumped, and peered outside cautiously, seeing a large Grey Owl perched on her windowsill with an envelope in its beak.

She shakily opened the window, and the owl hopped inside energetically, dropping the envelope in front of her.

“You just scared the shit out of me,” she said, glaring at the bird sitting on her countertop. She turned the envelope over in her hands and rolled her eyes at the Ministry seal on the back.

She ripped open the letter and shook its contents out onto the island. There were two pieces of paper, one handwritten and the other typed. She picked up the handwritten letter and squinted at it in the dim lighting.

Miss McKinnon-

I had to go through the Ministry Records today after work to find something for a colleague, and I stumbled upon a file I thought you might find interesting. Enclosed is the official report of the 1763 Vanishing Spell mishap, I’m sure you’ll find it useful in your research.

I asked your brother for your address, since you said you wanted to try and finish your analysis of the situation tonight. I figured you’d rather have the report now than wait until tomorrow morning.

Also, sorry in advance for anything my owl knocks over. Bentley has always been a bad houseguest, and you have my permission to throw him out your window if he starts misbehaving. He’ll know to come home and won’t take personal offense.

Cordially,

Theseus Scamander

Victoire found herself grinning by the time she had finished reading Theseus’s letter. She glanced into her bedroom where Bentley and Short-Snout were hopping around on the floor. The larger owl didn’t seem to be causing any ruckus yet, so she figured she’d let him stay for a little while.

She picked up the Ministry report, eyes lighting up when she saw it revealed the end of the case.

“Fuck yes,” she whispered excitedly, grabbing a spare quill from off the counter to underline the many spells the report mentioned.

It seemed the friends of the vanished wizard had tried many different spells to bring him back, but most of them didn’t work. She groaned as she read the list of nonfunctional spells, realizing most of the research she’d done would be ineffective.

As she neared the end of the report, she was beginning to lose hope - perhaps her efforts were futile, perhaps the effects of the Vanishing Spell were truly irreversible.

She bit her lip as she began to read the last paragraph, hoping desperately for some sort of revelation:

In a final attempt to rescue their friend from the state of nonbeing, the wizards asked Professor Ptolemy Algernon, Order of Merlin (First Class) for assistance. Professor Algernon resolved the issue within a matter of seconds; after locating the victim’s presence in the room, he cast a strong Summoning Charm (using the traditional incantation followed by the victim’s name). Following a bright flash of light, the vanished wizard appeared in a fit of coughing and shouting. Medical examiners declared him to be in perfect physical condition, and though he seems undoubtedly traumatized, he is fine otherwise.

Victoire really wanted to be annoyed with her older brother for giving out her address, but all she could think about was how grateful she was for Theseus sending her the report. Finally, she had cracked the case.

~~~~~

“So you’re saying all we need to do is Accio them back into existence?” Theseus asked incredulously as he walked across the Atrium. Victoire, who was at least a foot shorter than him, was nearly jogging to keep up. They had both needed to return the reports they’d checked out, and were now heading back to Theseus’s office.

“Apparently,” she replied, a little breathy due to how fast she was walking. “Ptolemy Algernon was listed in one of the books I had at home, and it seems he used the Summoning Charm to summon people quite often.”

“I thought you couldn’t Accio living things,” Theseus said. “I’m pretty sure that was a question on my O.W.L.s.”

“Then you definitely got that question wrong, there are several records of wizards summoning farm animals during the Middle Ages,” she stated, following him into a lift.

“That would explain why I only got an Acceptable on my Charms O.W.L.,” Theseus chuckled, pressing the button for level two. Victoire grinned, stepping closer to him as several other wizards entered the lift.

“Doesn’t the Ministry want all its Aurors to be more than proficient in their spell-casting abilities?” Victoire teased, swaying slightly as the lift began its ascent.

“Luckily, I got fantastic results on my N.E.W.T.s,” he sassed, reaching out to steady her, “so as far as my employers are concerned, my qualifications are impeccable.” Victoire laughed, looking down to where his hand now rested on her upper arm. He followed her gaze, quickly returning his arm to his side. She felt her face flush, and made sure to keep her face fixed downwards.

The lift slowly came to a halt at level five, and as the doors opened, the rest of the people in the cab filed out.

“What’s going on out there?” Victoire asked as she peered into the open area outside the lift. The Department of International Cooperation seemed more crowded than usual.

“There’s a big meeting in half an hour,” Theseus said simply as the doors closed and the lift took off once again.

“I used to spend all my time there,” Victoire remarked. “Got into a lot of trouble once because one of my brothers and I broke a couch.” Theseus grinned.

“Was this back when your father was the head of the department?” he asked. She nodded.

“I have no idea why he always let us come with him to work, we were the biggest distraction,” she remarked.

“Your brother used to go on and on about all the trips he took here back when we were in Hogwarts,” Theseus added, laughing a little at the memory.

“Emrys?”

“Yea, we were in the same year,” he replied.

“Ah, so you graduated before I started my first year,” she said as the doors opened.

“And you would’ve been a few years ahead of my younger brother, Newt,” he added, stepping out of the lift and glancing back to make sure Victoire was following him.

“I remember Newt!” she said enthusiastically as she followed him down the hallway. “He tested into my Care of Magical Creatures class during my fifth year, and we all loved him.”

“He wrote me a letter about that, he was really proud he got to be in your class as a third year,” Theseus added.

“He had better grades than all of us,” she added. “I remember having to ask him for help on a number of occasions.”

“I did the same with your brother,” Theseus said, slowing his pace so he was walking next to her rather than in front of her. “Emrys is the only reason I passed Potions class my fifth year.”

“My brothers are both insanely good at brewing and understanding potions,” she nodded.

“It must run in your family, considering your aunt,” Theseus remarked as they approached the door to his office. He was referring to her Aunt Maeve, a potioneer specializing in healing potions at St. Mungo’s.

Like half of the wizards in her family, Maeve McKinnon was internationally acclaimed for her work. For centuries, the McKinnon family had a reputation as one of the most powerful and influential wizarding families in Europe, which had definitely been intimidating to think about when Victoire was younger. Luckily, her parents had done a great job of emphasizing their children that they would be proud of them no matter what, so over time, that pressure had faded. Now, McKinnon was just her last name, not some expectation to accomplish great things.

And yet, unintentionally, Victoire and her siblings had gone on to continue the so-called “McKinnon legacy.” Her oldest brother, Emrys, was an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries, her other older brother, Thomas, was one of the chasers for the Kenmare Kestrels, and she had become one of the most talked-about Curse-Breakers of the century. Their names would be added to the lists of the greatest McKinnon wizards.

“I was excluded from the ‘skilled-at-potions’ genes, then,” Victoire laughed. “I wrote home too many times asking for money to buy a new cauldron. My mother nearly celebrated when I dropped the class in sixth year.”

“Were you the type to burn a hole in the bottom of your cauldron or to just blow it up somehow?” Theseus asked as he opened the door to his office, gesturing for her to go in before him.

“Explosions were my forte,” she joked as she walked past him. She plopped down into the chair behind her desk, looking up at him as he closed the door.

“Speaking of your brothers,” he said as he walked over to his desk, “I wanted to apologize for asking Emrys for your address, I just wanted you to get the report as soon as possible and didn’t know another way to contact you.”

“No, it’s fine,” she reassured him. “I was already awake and stressing about the fact I couldn’t find any information on the case, so it was a very welcome interruption.”

“I hope Bentley didn’t cause any trouble,” he said, a small smile on his face.

“No, Bentley was very well behaved. I think my own owl kept him occupied for the majority of his visit,” she said. Theseus laughed.

“So, Mr. Scamander, what do we do next?” Victoire asked.

“We write up a summary of what we’re planning to do, including all the research we’ve done to show the plan will actually work,” he said as he walked over to his desk. “Then we send it off to Travers and hope he approves it.”

“What happens if he doesn’t approve it?” Victoire asked curiously.

“He tells us we’re both idiots and we come up with another plan,” Theseus said with a small grin on his face.

“And if he does approve it?”

“We go back to the house on Chester Street and un-vanish those Aurors.”

[Tags: @littleyellowladybugg @missjockey101 @hearteyesmotherclucker @mrshazosterfield @greeneyedthief ]

A/N: It's our SECOND EVER Theseus Thursday. Look at me actually following a proper updating schedule, who would've thought we'd ever see this day? Hopefully I'll have another oneshot fic up this weekend, and then another chapter of this next week - lots of content! If you wanna request something specific please do so (LOTR, Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts, Star Wars, I'll write for most fandoms, really). Otherwise, I hope you enjoy/enjoyed reading this, and have a great day! :)

[briteboy]

ok this is the last i’m gonna say cause i literally laughed out loud at this, like it was a legitimate holler, it’s almost midnight and u get blocked solely because u made me holler at this hour and wake my dog up as he was sleeping peacefully by the fireplace. 

this reads like a chain letter white grandmas send to each other. this reads like a tweet from ann coulter after she got stuck in traffic because of a police brutality rally. this reads like your drunk uncle stu on thanksgiving after five beers trying to explain to you why black lives matter is evil and obama was the one who created the racism in america actually. i’m gonna stop there but i could come up with these awful hypothetical situations all day because this is really that bad. 

black people are murdered every day and dehumanized their entire lives, but you wanna talk about this one instance that targets a white person. that alone speaks volumes about where your priorities lie. and if this is a real actual thing that occurred on this earth ever in the history of time and not some fake news story with the sole purpose of spreading anti-black propaganda, then it’s one of those rare instances that white people will clutch to for YEARS trying to justify why reverse racism is a thing and not an imaginary product of the  manifestation of white people’s guilt and insecurities bred from the fact that they feel threatened when forced to confront their own privilege and power status. accept it. fight it. move on. good night!

[survivorwildwest]

Episode 14 - Finale - They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?

Jerri, Colby, Ken, Michaela, Bi, and Lauren, return to camp after a close vote taking out Kass. They tie their horses to the saloon’s hitching post. 

“Well done,” Bi says, before retiring to bed.

“Do you want to talk,” Ken asks Lauren.

“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re playing your game. I’m playing mine. I’m not mad at you, baby,” Lauren tells him as she cups his cheek in her hand.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a cottontail rabbit wriggles its nose.

At high noon the next day, the Final Six meet Jeff for their next reward challenge. Jeff and his trusty clydesdale stand before two wobbly tables, each of which have three ropes attached.

“For today's reward challenge, you will be randomly divided into two teams. Each team will have six cards on a barrel, which will spell out a classic Wild West phrase. Place the correct cards in the correct order while balancing a heavy table by holding a long, heavy rope. First team to do so wins reward. Want to know what you’re playing for?”

Everyone nods as they look over the challenge.

“Here in the United States, Nearly one in every four Native American households experience brutal food insecurity, meaning not enough variety, quality or desirability of their diets. Today, you will serve as ambassadors of goodwill when you deliver food and other supplies desperately needed to help their life be a little bit easier. Hot meals, gardening supplies, books and other school supplies. You will then be treated to a traditional Wild West feast.”

“Beans,” Michaela presumes.

“Beans, yes, as well as chips & guacamole, margaritas, pork, beef, baked potatoes with all the fixins. Worth playin for?”

They all nod and clap and get ready for the challenge. The two teams are randomly assigned by rock draw. They take their places and Jeff explains, “Wearing orange we have Ken, Jerri and Lauren. Wearing teal, we have Colby, Michaela and Bi.”

Each of them take their respective rope and stand over the barrel when Jeff calls for the challenge to begin. All six competitors look over the thick wooden cards.

“We have two Es,” Colby says, “An A, a Y, an H and a W.”

“Yeehaw,” Michaela whispers.

Bi takes the Y card and begins her walk to the table Colby and Michaela hold. Lauren is quick to figure it out for orange.

“Both teams think they have it figured out,” Jeff yells, “It’ll be a race to see who can get it done sooner.”

Bi places the Y in its upright position and begins to walk backwards, holding her rope as she returns to the barrel. Hoping to gain an advantage over the other team, Colby holds his rope tight so Michaela can begin her march toward the table before Bi returns.

“Teal team, taking a gamble having two people away from the barrel at a time. We’ll see if it pays off.”

For the orange team, Lauren runs back quickly so that Jerri and Ken don’t have to hold the rope as long. Jerri pushes forward as soon as Lauren returns to pull her rope taut. Jerri places their second card as Michaela walks backwards toward their barrel. It’s a close race but the strategy of leaving Colby in one position the whole time proves successful as the teal team spells out “Yeehaw” first. Jeff announces, “Colby, Michaela and Bi win reward!”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a scorpion burrows under a large, rocky hill.

Colby, Michaela and Bi ride their horses south, trotting through the Colorado River and into Arizona. They pass through the hot springs of White Hills and by the Hackberry General Store before riding along Route 66 for over 20 miles. They come upon a lived-in trailer and a cabin made of stone and wood. The paint has been stripped from the wood after years of inattention. An American flag flies overhead.

They hitch their horses outside a motel. Inside, an old man opens his arms and says, “Welcome to Peach Springs! We’re so happy to have you. I am Dr. Damon Rudy Clark. You can call me Rudy.”

“Nice to meet you, Rudy,” Colby says, shaking the man’s hand.

“Nice to meet you tooo,” Rudy says, elongating the last syllable to ask Colby’s name.

“Colby. My name’s Colby.”

“Colby,” Rudy says, “Thank you for coming.”

“Hi, I’m Michaela,” she says, taking a step next to Colby and shaking Rudy’s hand.

“Michaela, thank you for coming.”

“I’m Bi,” Bi says, jutting her hand out for Rudy to shake.

“Bi, thank you for coming.”

“Pleasure,” she says.

“I would like to introduce you to Tim. Tim lives in a trailer, but his mom recently lost her ability to walk. So, now she’s in a wheelchair. Tim needs help installing a ramp so his mother can more easily live her life.”

“We’d be happy to help,” Colby says.

Rudy takes them to his old, red pick-up truck The supplies are thrown in the truck bed. He drives them in his rusted red truck to Tim’s trailer. Tim sits on the stairs outside his trailer with his head in his hands. He looks up when he hears the truck. He doesn’t look much older than Colby.

“Tim,” Rudy calls, “These kind folks have offered to help with your ramp!”

“Oh, really,” Tim asks.

“Absolutely,” Michaela says.

“Oh thank you. It’s not a big job, but the more hands the better. Thank you.”

They unload the equipment from Rudy’s truck before he leaves to give the rest of the supplies to the stores and schools who need it most. Colby and Tim begin sawing the wood while Michaela and Bi take measurements. The screen door slowly creaks open and an elevated foot in a wheelchair emerges.

“Good afternoon, ladies,” the woman behind the screen door says.

“Hello,” Michaela says, sitting on the next to last stair.

“Thank you for doing this,” she says with a shaky voice, “Would you like some lemonade?”

“Oh, no thank you,” Michaela says.

“If you don’t mind my asking, what happened to your leg,” Bi asks.

“Oh, it was really nothing. I just fell on these steps one morning while on my way out on my way to work. I’ve fallen a thousand times on these steps. But, I’m always able to catch myself. This time… I wasn’t. I guess that’s just part of aging.”

“How old are you,”

“I’ll be 90 this fall.”

“And you’re--”

“This fall,” the old woman laughs, “that’s funny. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s very funny,” Michaela agrees, “So you’re nearly 90 years old and still working?”

“Well, not anymore. This has taken me out for good.”

“So, it’s broken,” Bi asks, noticing no cast.

“Oh, I assume.”

“Does it hurt,” Michaela asks.

“Oh, at my age, honey, everything hurts. It’s just like everything else…”

“You didn’t go to a doctor,” Bi asks.

“Oh no,” she waves it away.

“When I hurt my foot, I saw a doctor immediately,” Bi says.

“How am I supposed to pay for a doctor,” she asks. “Between me and Tim, we can barely afford this trailer. A doctor’s visit? Out of the question.”

“But… I thought the government was supposed to... help you,” Bi says.

“They’re supposed to,” Tim says as he and Colby drop some unfinished wood next to the stairs.

Somewhere near the Mojave Desert, creosote bushes dominate the mountainside.

After installing the ramp and a handrail on either side. Tim and his mother join Colby, Michaela and Bi for the feast Jeff Probst promised. With meats and sweets, they fill their pleats. Colby makes sure to cover his cornbread with beans.

“More beans, Colbeans?”

“What can I tell you, I like beans?”

“Does your butt,” Tim’s mom asks.

Colby only laughs.

“They call it the magical fruit,” Tim’s mom says.

“So I’ve heard,” Colby says.

“Have you,” Michaela asks.

Colby sighs and says, “Not yet…”

After filling a plate for himself and his mother, Tim takes a seat at the picnic table next to a cactus blooming a single yellow flower.

“I really want to thank you all for doing that. I could not have done that without you,” Tim says.

“We’re happy to help,” Colby says, slapping Tim’s back. 

“Life can be hard on the reservation. I’m sure you know,” Tim says, “but at the end of the day, we’re really not asking for much. All I want is a good home for my mom. Maybe a wife and some children, and some food to feed them every night.”

They all nod along as he speaks. Colby grabs Tim's shoulder and says, “Yes, of course. We hear you.”

“Thank you, Colby,” Tim says.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a spider continues building its web.

Back in town, Jerri sits alone while Ken and Lauren snuggle on the bench next to the fire.

“Jerri,” Lauren asks, “Are you really taking Michaela to the end?”

“Why do you ask,” Jerri retorts.

“I’m just saying, she’s out with Colby and Bi right now. You don’t think the three of them are making a deal without you?”

“They’re not gonna do that.”

“Okay. I hear you, but if I were you, I wouldn’t go up against Michaela in the final three.”

“What are you proposing,” Jerri asks.

“The three of us take out Michaela tonight.”

“She is a jury threat. Ken, you’re okay with this?”

“I’m not gonna beat her in the end,” Ken surmises.

Jerri tosses the idea around in her head. 

“Lauren makes a good point,” Jerri says in a talking head, “Taking out Michaela would help make my argument at final tribal.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a rosy boa emerges from its hiding place.

As the sun begins to set, Colby, Michaela and Bi make their trek back to town on the backs of their horses.

“So,” Bi says, “We should probably discuss who we’re targeting.”

“I want Lauren out,” Michaela says. “She’s got too many connections on the jury and she hasn’t really pissed anyone off”

“Plus, she’s not in our alliance,” Colby adds.

“There you go,” Michaela says.

“Works for me,” Bi says.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a cottontail rabbit finds shelter in some brush.

The final six meet final six meet Jeff for their next immunity challenge. He stands in front of a board that looks like this:

“For today’s immunity challenge,” he tells them, “you will each fire bullets from a replica nineteenth-century Colt six-shooter revolver. Each time your name on the target wall is hit, you score a point. You’ll each begin with six bullets. But, to make things interesting, you’ll come behind this wall, and secretly distribute your bullets to the other Survivors by placing them in marked containers. Each time you give another person a bullet, you give them another shot at the wall and a better chance at winning immunity and this game. Whoever’s name has been hit the most often by the end of the challenge, wins immunity and has a one-in-FIVE chance of winning this game.”

Jeff gives each of them the opportunity to drop their bullets in the other’s containers, then announces, “Bi received two bullets and will be going first as she received the least. Do you feel unloved, Bi?”

“Not at all. I’m going to use what I have to win.”

“Great attitude. Go for it.”

Bi lines up her shot and hits one of her tiles for her first point. Without moving her arm, she pulls the trigger again, piercing the same tile again. She hands the gun back to Jeff who congratulates her on her two perfect shots. He grips the barrel of the revolver and calls for Colby. 

“Colby will take five shots. You handy with a gun, Colby?”

“I believe this is when I’m supposed to say ‘yeehaw,’” he says as he tips his hat to Jeff and takes the revolver’s handle.

He aims for one of his tiles in the center of the board, for fear he may miss off the side. His first bullets strikes a tile with Lauren’s name, just barely missing his own. He takes a deep breath and fires again, hitting the same place. He lets out a frustrated grunt and adjusts his stance slightly. He takes a shot, then another, then another. In quick succession, all three of his bullets fly through his own tile.

“Colby takes first place with three points,” Jeff says. “Bi has two and now Lauren has two. Up next with five shots is Ken.”

Michaela throws her hands up in the air as Ken makes his way to Jeff.

“What’s the issue, Michaela?”

“He’s just gonna give all his points to Lauren.”

“Not necessarily,” Ken says, taking the revolver from Jeff.

He points his gun at the board and closes one eye. His steady hand pulls the trigger. His bullet penetrates Lauren’s tile. Then, again. Then, again. Then, again. Then, with his last shot, he adjusts his aim slightly so that it pierces Michaela’s tile.

“Oh, thanks, Ken,” Michaela unenthusiastically says.

“Up next is…” Jeff says, “Lauren.”

Lauren skips to Jeff and takes the gun. He tells her that she has seven shots. Her eyes go big as she looks at the gun, then the board. She takes aim and says, “I’ve never shot a gun before.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Jeff tells her.

Lauren wraps her fingers around the grip and holds it tight. She closes an eye and aims for her own name. The bullet races toward the board and hits the wooden border separating her name from Colby’s.

“Damn, okay.” she says before rotating her hips for a more goal-oriented angle.

She fires again and the bullet smashes through her own tile. She takes a deep breath to calm herself then fires again. Again, it hits her target. She jumps up and down excitedly before finding her footing again and taking another shot. Without moving, she takes two more shots, both piercing the same tile. For her seventh shot, Lauren has to reload the six-shooter. When she gets the gun back in working order, she finds a familiar stance and fires. Lauren’s seventh and final shot hits the tile just below the one she’d hit five times in a row, giving Colby another point.

“Thanks,” Colby says.

“Michaela, you’re up next,” Jeff says, “You have seven shots.”

Michaela looks over the board and counts the holes left by the bullets. She looks at the gun and continues her count. She drops her head and aims at the board. She fires all six shots of her first round at Colby’s tile. All six hit.

“You’re not even trying to win immunity,” Jeff asks.

Michaela doesn’t respond. Instead, she places her final bullet in the chamber, lines up her shot, and gives Colby his eleventh point.

“I can’t win this, but Colby still can,” Michaela explains as she hands the gun back to Jeff, “I’m just looking out for my own.”

“Last but not least,” Jeff says, “Jerri. You have ten shots.”

The rest of the tribe looks around at each other, none of them entirely shocked by Jerri’s popularity.

“So,” Jerri says as she takes the revolver from Jeff, “I can’t win this.”

“Seems that way,” Jeff says.

“So, it’s up to me who wins immunity?”

Jeff lifts his shoulders to neither confirm nor deny her comment.

Jerri aims at Colby’s line of tiles. She pulls the trigger six times and leaves six holes in the board. Three in a tile for Colby and three in a tile for Lauren. She looks at the board as she reloads. She rolls her eyes upon seeing the result. She uses the same strategy for her last four shots. The first hits the top right corner of Colby’s tile. The second hits only a couple inches to the right of the first,  piercing the top left corner of Lauren’s tile. The third strikes a couple inches higher in the lower left corner of Jerri’s tile. The fourth and final shot of the challenge pierces the board a couple inches to the left, in the bottom right corner of another one of Lauren’s tiles. Jeff calls out “Lauren wins immunity!”

“Dammit,” Michaela says under her breath.

Lauren jumps for joy as she runs to Jeff. He drapes the bandolier across her chest and hands her the key to the Immunity Suite. She beams with pride before rejoining Ken and the rest of the tribe.

“God,” Lauren says in a talking head, “I have been waiting for this for sooo long.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, two cottontail rabbits approach each other cautiously.

The tribe returns to town. Jerri makes her way behind the bar in the saloon and grabs six tumblers “to celebrate the final six,” per Lauren’s suggestion. Jerri fills each tumbler with the brown stuff and passes them to her tribemates sitting at the bar. As she looks up, she notices only Colby, Michaela, and Bi. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Lauren run upstairs with Ken in tow.

“Didn’t realize this was a reward challenge too,” Jerri says.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a newborn cottontail rabbits takes in the new world. 

Lauren lays on Ken’s chest. The immunity bandolier can be seen under the sheet they wear.

“Do you think we should take out Colby,” Lauren asks, blue skying.

“Me, you and who, Bi?”

“Unless you can convince Michaela.”

“I can try.”

Ken trots down to the bar where he finds Michaela, Bi, Jerri and Colby sitting at the bar. Jerri is excited to see him and invites him over.

“Oh, no thank you. I’m just going to go get some water,” he says, making brief, but noticed, eye contact with Michaela.

“I could use some water, actually,” she says.

The two millennials make their way to the oasis. Ken is characteristically nonverbal until Michaela says, “Okay, what’s your plan?”

“We need you.”

“Okay. Who is it?”

“Colby,” Ken finally admits.

“That’d be a Big Move,” Michaela says.

“It’s a necessary move.”

“Alright, Ken,” she agrees.

Constellations blossom as evening descends on the Mojave Desert.

As the sun sets, the final six get on their horses and ride to tribal council. They take their seats and Jeff calls in the jury, “Elizabeth, Todd, Russell, Ben, Wardog, Wendy, and Kass voted out at the last tribal council.”

On their akhal-tekes, the jury surrounds the final six. Each juror places themselves behind each of the seven people sitting around the campfire.

“Lauren,” Jeff begins, “First individual immunity of your career. That must feel nice.”

“Couldn’t have come at a better time.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I know I’m their target. They have to target someone else tonight,” she says with a proud smile.

“When you say ‘they?’”

“Michaela, Colby and Jerri.”

“Does that mean it’s you, Ken and Bi, on the other side?”

“Could be,” Lauren says, looking across the fire at Bi. “Or it could be me, Ken and Michaela, or it could be me Jerri and Colby. We won’t know until you read us the votes, Jeff.”

“Jerri, does Lauren winning immunity change your plans tonight?”

“Come on, Jeff,” Jerri says, “You should know by now that plans change by the minute in this game.”

“Bi, any change of plans since Lauren won immunity?”

“I don’t concern myself with the activities of others,” she says.

“Okay. Colby, has your plan changed tonight?”

“I’ve had the same plan since two-thousand-and-one. And that is to win this game.”

“Well, good luck. It is time to vote. Bi, you’re up first.”

Bi makes her way into the cave to cast her vote. The rest of the tribe makes their way in, one-by-one. Jeff collects the votes and returns to the campfire. He tells them, “If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and you’d like to play it. Now would be the time to do so.”

Michaela stares at the glowing sand around the fire. She taps her feet a few times before looking back up to Jeff, who says, “Alright. I’ll read the votes.”

He reaches into the urn and pulls out the first vote, “Colby, Colby, Ken, Ken, Ken, Fifteenth Person voted out of Survivor: Wild West and the eighth member of our jury, Ken.”

Ken nods his head, grabs his torch and stands next to Jeff, who tells him, “Ken, the tribe has spoken.”

“It’s been wonderful. I love you all,” Ken says, “Good luck.”

Ken strokes his quarter horse’s chest before riding off into the horizon of the moonlit Mojave.

Ken and Lauren voted for Colby. Everyone else voted for Ken.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, bats awake in a cave and fly into the night.

The final five, Colby, Lauren, Jerri, Bi, and Michaela, return to town and hitch their horses outside the saloon. As Lauren ties up her brown quarter horse, she says, “Have you noticed, the jury doesn’t ride in on the same horses they were voted out with?”

“Yeah,” Michaela says, “There’s are a lot prettier.”

“What do you think happens to the horses when their person gets voted out?”

“I think in horse racing,” Colby slowly recalls, “they... shoot horses, don’t they?” 

“I hope not,” Lauren cries.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, in the early morning, a wild horse runs free, kicking up the sand among the red rocks as he gallops.

Colby approaches with another piece of tree mail, alerting them to their next reward challenge.

Come High Noon,

This is it, bud

The game will get dirty soon

When you cover yourself in…

“Oh, dammit, is it mud,” Colby asks.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a rosy boa sleeps in a very small cave at the base of a rockhill.

At high noon, the final five find Jeff and his clydesdale standing in front of five empty wooden buckets and a pit of mud.

“For today’s reward challenge, each of you will dive into this mud pit, then transfer the mud in any way you can into your bucket. Whoever gets the most mud in their bucket wins reward. You want to know what you’re playing for?”

They all nod with excitement but not much energy.

“Whoever collects the most mud will win an overnight trip to Las Vegas. A bed, cocktails, casinos, a shower, which will come in mighty handy after a dive into this mud. Worth playing for?”

They all nod and say, “wow.” Jeff clasps his hands together and says, “Alright, we’ll draw for spots and get started.”

They all take their places and Jeff calls for the challenge to begin. Jerri tries to fill her hair with mud. Colby covers his whole body. Michaela and Lauren each try to cradle as much mud as they can. Bi takes the strategy of making a lot of small trips.

Colby, having the most body mass, wipes a significant amount of mud off himself into his bucket. Michaela and Lauren each bring back a comparable amount to one another. Bi doesn’t bring much, but she’s in and out faster than the rest. Jerri was able to collect a lot of mud in her hair, but getting it out is proving more difficult.

Each of the final five continue with their same strategy as the challenge goes on. When Jeff finally calls time, all five appear to have similar levels. Jeff grabs Bi’s bucket first. He places it on the scale and announces, “Bi, twelve point three pounds.”

He returns Bi’s and grabs Jerri’s bucket, “Eleven pounds even.”

He takes Michaela’s bucket after returning Jerri’s, “Twelve and a half for Michaela. A new leader.”

He returns Michaela’s bucket and takes Lauren’s, “Lauren got… also twelve and a half pounds.”

Jeff finally takes Colby’s bucket, weighs it and announces, “With thirteen pounds even, Colby wins reward.”

“For real,” Colby asks with genuine surprise.

“For real,” Jeff assures him.

“Of course,” Michaela says with a dismissive tone.

“What’s the problem, Michaela?”

“Lauren and I worked just as hard, if not harder. He’s just bigger. It’s whatever. I’m not mad. It’s Colby. Colby’s gonna do everything right,” she says while wiping the mud off her face.

“Alright, Colby. You’re headed to Vegas tonight. Who do you want to bring with you?”

“Oh, jeez,” Colby says, looking at the four women before him. Lauren and Bi both expect to not be picked. Michaela raises her eyebrows expectantly. Jerri brushes some mud from her lip and smiles at Colby.

“Jerri, you want to go to Vegas?”

“I’ve been waiting 20 years for you to ask me out, Colby Donaldson. Of course I do.”

“You two will be headed to Las Vegas,” Jeff says, “Lauren, Bi, Michaela, I got nothing for ya.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a spider has caught prey.

Lauren, Bi, and Michaela ride their horses back to town and take a seat around the fire. Lauren stretches out on Ken’s bench and says, “Sorry Colby didn’t pick you, MIchaela. I know you guys are close.”

“Yeah, thanks. You know, it is what it is. He’s known Jerri for, what, twenty years. I can’t be mad at him. Plus, if I were out there, y’all’d be targeting me.”

“No one’s targeting you, Michaela,” Lauren assures her, glancing to Bi, who nods quietly.

“No, it’s okay,” Michaela says, “I know I’m a target.”

“Would you vote for Colby,” Lauren asks.

“The three of us?”

“Then whichever of us is best at fire can take out Jerri with fire next time.”

“Yeah, that could work. Are either of you good at fire?”

“I’m good at fire,” Bi promises.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, two desert tortoises slowly crawl over the cracks in the sand.

Jerri and Colby find their dirty bodies in a pristine hotel room. They track the dirt over the white carpet and into the white & gold marble bathroom. Behind a floor-to-ceiling glass door, they see a large shower with showerheads from more angles than should ever seem necessary.

“Oh wow,” Jerri says as she runs her fingertips over the etched glass.

“That looks so nice,” Colby says.

“Looks big enough for two,” Jerri hints.

Colby grins before unbuttoning his shirt. Jerri does the same and they swing the glass door open. The warm water rinses the excess dirt from their skin. Jerri’s hair falls as the once dry mud falls over her body. Colby takes a washcloth and places it over Jerri’s shoulder to remove the dirt. They both stare at his fingers, his skin nearly touching hers. She places a hand over his and the other on his cheek.

“Jerri,” Colby says, mirroring her movements.

“Colby,” she says softly, staring into his eyes.

The water from every which direction removes all the dirt from their bodies. Colby’s hand drops from Jerri's cheek. His knuckles trace her neck. They haven’t stopped staring into one another’s eyes but their fingers interlace with perfection.

“Would you look at that,” Colby says.

“Almost like it was meant to be,” Jerri says.

“Something like that,” Colby says.

“Seems like someone should have listened twenty years ago.”

Colby gives Jerri a polite smile. He removes his other hand from her shoulder and begins collecting water in his palm. Once full, he pours it over Jerri’s face.

“Hey,” she laugh-screams while trying to push him away. She tries to collect water in her own hands to toss at him. They chase each other around the shower until Colby finally shuts it off.

“Oh, Colby! I was having fun!”

Colby smirks and says, “We’ve got a dinner date.”

Jerri wears a burgundy dinner gown with floral accents draped over her shoulders. Colby wears a classic tuxedo with a matching burgundy pocket square.

“It feels like we’re at prom,” he jokes as they sit down atop Las Vegas’ Eiffel Tower.

“There is a certain romance to it,” she says with a gentle smile as she looks up from the menu.

They order some wine and lobster and look out over the desert. Colby cocks his head to Jerri and lifts his glass of pinot noir, “to twenty years,” he says.

“Twenty years,” she says, clinking his glass. “You ever expect us to be here?”

“I honestly did not ever imagine this,” he laughs.

“I did,” she says before flashing a genuine and charming smile. “I’m really happy to be here with you, Colby.”

“I’m really happy you’re here, too, Jare.”

“How’s your stomach and--”

“Yeah, no. Still can’t pass gas.”

“That’s so weird. Have you tried pushing?”

“Like I was giving birth.”

The two Australian Outback castaways laugh and sip their wine and eat their dinner while basking in each other's company. They watch as a young man on a date takes credit for the fireworks display. The young man wears an ill-fitting suit. He seems nervous. A firework shaped like a heart, complete with an arrow and a ribbon reading “Jerri & Colby,” explodes.

“What is that,” Colby asks, “Did you do that?”

“I had nothing to do with that,” Jerri says, “Did… Jeff?”

“Oh my god, yes,” a voice to their left exclaims. The crowd applauds. Colby and Jerri look to see what’s all the commotion. The nervous young man holds his date in the air. Her arms are wrapped around him. As they spin around in celebration, the young man’s young date opens her eyes and yells, “Oh my god! Colby!”

The nervous young man sets her down and looks over at Colby. His eyes go bing and the two come charging at Colby & Jerri.

“Oh wow,” the nervous young man says.

“Uh… hi…” Colby says to the nervous young man.

“Colby…”

“Yeah, hi. Nice to meet you.”

“That’s my name! And this is my girlfriend-- well fiancee now, Jerri!”

“Oh wow,” Colby says. “So, you just proposed?”

“Yeah, hi, sorry,” the young Jerri says, “We’re just really big fans.”

“Oh yeah,” Jerri asks.

“Oh yeah! I was actually named after you!”

“Oh…” Jerri says, “So, how old are you?”

“Nineteen,” she says with glee.

“And how old are you, son,” Colby asks.

“Twenty, sir,” the young Colby tells him.

“Twenty years old? What are ya drinking,” Colby asks.

“Sarsaparilla, sir,” the young Colby tells him before sipping from his straw again

“So,” Jerri says, “Are you named after my Colby?”

“No ma’am,” the young Colby says, “I just happen to be named Colby. But, that’s how my parents were introduced to the show. Their friends--”

“My parents,” the young Jerri tells them.

“Yeah, her parents. They knew my name was gonna be Colby so they said ‘Oh, you should watch this show.’ So they did. And then when her parents were pregnant they said…”

“Well, whose Colby meant to be with,” the young Jerri finishes, “That’s you!”

“Right,” Jerri says she says with a fascinated grin. “So your families are really close?”

“Oh yeah,” the young Colby says, “Family’s really important to us.”

“Yeah,” the young Jerri says, “His uncle does the fireworks show at the Bellagio.”

“That’s how I got the fireworks with all our names on it.”

“Wow,” Colby says, “That’s really cool.”

“Some people call me Coolby,” the young Colby says.

“Alright Coolby,” Colby says, “Congratulations.”

“Yeah, congratulations,” Jerri says.

“Thanks,” the young couple says before returning to their table.

“Alright then,” Colby laughs as he clinks champagne flutes with Jerri.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, two tortoises rest.

The next day, Colby and Jerri return to town, hand-in-hand. They separate before being seen by anyone. Michaela is sitting alone at the fire.

“Afternoon,” she calls when she sees them.

“Howdy,” Colby says as he takes a seat on Ken’s bench. “Where are Bi and Lauren?”

“Getting water. How was the reward?”

“Fantastic,” Jerri says.

“It was exactly what we needed,” Colby says.

“That’s great. I’m happy for y’all,” Michaela says, looking around before speaking again. “We’re all on board for Lauren, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Colby says.

“Okay, good,” Michaela says, “I’m worried they’re coming after me.”

“We’re with you one hundred percent, Michaela,” Colby says.

The shadows of old rocks cover the wildlife of the Mojave Desert with temporary respite.

Bi and Lauren collect water for the tribe at the oasis. Bi says, “It’s Michaela tonight, right?”

“Oh, absolutely. She’ll win if she makes it to Final 3.”

“Glad we’re on the same page. You think Jerri and Colby will go for it?”

“If they’re smart.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a scorpion readies its tail from its underground alcove.

The next day, Colby wakes up and makes his way to the saloon. There, he finds Lauren making coffee.

“Coffee,” Colby asks.

“Yeah, you want some,” Lauren asks, grabbing a blue and white mug from above the bar.

“Sounds great.”

“I do have to warn you. We are out of sugar.”

“How’d we run out of sugar?”

Lauren shrugs her shoulders before asking, “Are you going to get tree mail?”

“Yeah, you want to come?”

“Sure!”

The two of them walk to the lone tree in the desert when Lauren says, “I have to be honest. My trek to the tree with you has ulterior motives.”

“Yes. I’ve played Survivor before.”

“Okay, so, what do you think of voting for Michaela tonight?”

“She’s my closest ally.”

“I thought Jerri was your closest ally.”

“I’m not going to rank them.”

“Okay, whatever. Just, think about it. You’re not going to beat her in final three. I don’t mean to be harsh, but...”

“Why do you say that? I’ve played a good game.”

“Look, the way I see it, you, Michaela and Jerri-- not all three of you are going to make it to Final Tribal together. Do you want them to turn on you before you turn on them?”

They make it to the tree before Colby has a chance to respond. He taps the envelope on his fingers as he paces back toward town.

“Bi’s already in on this?”

“Take a wild guess.”

“Alright. Alright. Let me think about it.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a gust of wind blows a trailing four o’clock from the cactus it once resided.

Lauren stands behind Colby as he reads the tree mail to the rest of the tribe who sit around the fire.

At High Noon,

You’ll be coming Round

You know the tune

Just listen for the…

“Sound,” Michaela huffs.

At high noon, the final five find Jeff standing before five metal contraptions. As they take their places, Jeff says, “First things first, Lauren, gotta take it back.”

Lauren kneels in front of Jeff and bows her head. He removes the bandolier from her shoulder. She returns to her tribe and Jeff explains, “For today's immunity challenge, you will have one hand tied behind your back. You will drop a ball into the contraption. The ball will race through the contraption and fall out from one of two alternating tracks. When it comes out, you have to place it back in the contraption. At regular intervals, you will add more balls. Last person with all their balls still in play wins immunity and has a one in FOUR chance of winning this game. We’ll draw for spots and get started.”

The final five take their positions and drop their first ball into the track. Each of the five balls slowly rolls through the track while their respective castaway watches it. Once the balls reach the bottom, they all place the ball back in the starting place. The balls continue through the track until they all switch to the other track. All the eyes dart around the track as their balls descend. When Michaela drops the ball for the third time, she closes her eyes and waits for the ball to drop into her hand at the bottom of the contraption. Everyone successfully makes it through the third go round. Once they all place it a fourth time, Jeff tells them they now have fifteen seconds to drop a second ball. When Michaela hears the first ball take one track, she drops the second ball and waits again. Colby is watching his without distraction. Bi is invested in her two balls as they spiral through the track like a mirror. Lauren rocks back and forth and she waits for hers. Jerri pays attention to the new ball, but forgets about the first. It drops and she simply laughs and throws up her loose hand.

When everyone seems to get a rhythm down with two, Jeff gives them fifteen seconds to drop a third. Bi mistimes the drop and misses catching one of her balls in the process. Lauren, Michaela and Colby all seem to have three down to a simple pattern. Michaela still hasn’t opened her eyes, focusing solely on her ability to hear. Colby’s focus has become determination. Lauren’s rocking has become quieter. She places her hand in front of the left side of the contraption and the ball comes out of the right.

“Wait, No,” Lauren yells.

“Time for a fourth ball,” Jeff tells Colby and Michaela.

Michaela times out the clinks and clanks of the balls around the rusty metal structure. When feeling they’re evenly spaced, she drops it. She rushes to get her hand down to the one exiting as Colby does the same. Colby grips the ball as it shoots out, waits a beat, then drops it back in. Michaela’s ball flies out with more force than she expected and she bobbles it. She’s able to retrieve it and place it back in but has to open her eyes.

“Nice save by Michaela,” Jeff calls.

The near-fumble by Michaela messes up her rhythm and the next ball falls to the ground.

“Colby wins immunity,” Jeff calls.

Michaela throws her hand in the air and the other three balls shoot to the ground in quick succession as she walks to the bench.

“Colby’s gonna Colby,” Michaela says in a talking head, “but Michaela’s gonna Michaela too.”

Back in town, after hitching up their horses, everyone meets in the saloon for a celebratory whiskey in Colby’s honor.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, the sun beats down on the sand all day, but in the early evening, the moon begins to rise.

The final five ride the last five horses in town to Tribal Council. Jeff welcomes them as he stands next to his clydesdale. He announces the jury, “Elizabeth, Todd, Russell, Ben, Wardog, Wendy, Kass and Ken voted out at the last tribal council.”

Ken gives a gentle wave to Lauren as he approaches on his shiny akhal-teke.

“Colby,” Jeff starts, “Once again, you are wearing immunity.”

“Yeah, Jeff. I’m starting to feel like the old Colby again, the Colby everyone fell in love with.”

“Everybody’s always gonna love Colby,” Lauren says.

“Yeah, he doesn’t need challenge wins for us to love him,” Michaela says.

“Yeah, he’s just a good dude,” Bi says.

“Any praise from you, Jerri,” Jeff asks.

“Colby knows how I feel about him,” Jerri says, almost giggling to tease a smile out of Colby.

“And how’s that,” Jeff asks.

“Same way she always has,” Colby says, still smiling at her.

“Are you gonna question them incessantly about their relationship, Jeff,” Lauren asks.

“I might,” Jeff says.

Lauren just rolls her eyes.

“How has camp been without Ken, Lauren,” Jeff asks.

“Again,” Lauren says, “Ken and I are just friends.”

“Pretty good friends from the sounds of it,” Michaela says.

“Does that influence how you vote, Michaela.”

“It all depends on context, Jeff. If Lauren wants to work with me, then I love their friendship. If they're against me, well…” she says, gesturing to the now voted-out Ken.

“Are you taking credit for Ken’s vote out,” Jeff asks.

“No. It was a team effort. Ken got four votes. You can’t vote someone out by yourself, Jeff.”

“What do you vote for on a vote like this, Bi?”

“Well, I’ve made a lot of deals with a lot of people throughout this game. Some of them are worth preserving. Some... aren’t.”

“Do you have certain deals you don’t think are worth preserving, Colby?”

“I don’t know if that’s the phrasing I would use,” the immunity winner says, “but the game of Survivor, at its core, forces you to weigh relationships against each other.”

“Alright,” Jeff says, “With that, it is time to vote. Jerri, you’re up first.”

Jerri gets up from the campfire and makes her way to the cave to cast her vote. Bi follows her, then Lauren, then Bi and Michaela, who casts the final vote. Jeff tells them he will go tally the votes. When he returns, Michaela is already rummaging through her bag. He tells them, “If anyone has the hidden immunity idol and you’d like to play it, tonight is the last night you can play it.”

“Jeff,” Michaela says, “I’m not going home. You guys can chase me but uh… you know you gotta Bi, ha, quicker than that.”

“Unbelievable,” Colby says.

“Wow,” Wendy mutters from the jury.

Michaela walks up to Jeff and holds her gold nugget. She turns to the jury and says, “I found this with Todd the first day of the merge.”

She hands it to Jeff and returns to her seat.

“This is,” Jeff says before pausing.

“Oooh,” Michaela says, proud of her play.

“A hidden immunity idol,” Jeff continues, “Any votes for Michaela will not count. I’ll read the votes.”

Everyone, castaways and jury alike, are rubbing their head and laughing in disbelief.

“First vote,” Jeff says, “Michaela. Does not count.”

Michaela beams with pride.

“Second vote, Michaela. Does not count. Third vote Michaela. Does not count.”

Michaela nods her head, happy she made the right move.

“Fourth vote, Michaela, does not count.”

“Damn,” Michaela says, unsurprised. She turns her attention to Colby, “Even you.”

“ You know I had to… I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” she says with a now defeated tone, “I could have guessed.”

“Sixteenth person voted out of Survivor: Wild West and ninth member of our jury,” Jeff finally reveals, “Lauren.”

Lauren juts out her chin and nods, “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Michaela stands up and hugs her before she leaves and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s a game. You had to.” Lauren says, “I mean, I was trying to take you out too.”

The two women laugh together before Jeff tells her “The tribe has spoken.”

In her final talking head, Lauren says, “aaah! Taken out by an idol in fifth place AGAIN! Whatever. I’m not mad. I got outplayed. Good on Michaela.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, a bat stretches his wings.

The final four, Colby, Michaela, Jerri, and Bi ride their horses back to the ghost town they’ve made their home.

“Great job,” they all tell Michaela.

“Yeah, thanks,” she says without eye contact. She retreats to her empty bedroom.

Over the horizon, the sun rises over the Mojave Desert.

On the morning of Day 38, Colby meets Bi, Jerri and Michaela in the center of town for the reading of the tree mail.

“I think this is the last one,” Colby says before breaking the wax.

“Thank god,” Michaela says, “it’s always just some lame rhyme.”

“They do this time after time,” Bi jokes.

“It really oughta be considered a crime,” Jerri laughs.

“Wait wait wait,” Bi says, “Before you read it. Can we just have a toast to the McQueens? We actually did it!!”

“Great idea,” Jerri says. She runs into the saloon. After a couple minutes, she returns with a nearly empty bottle of whiskey and four tumblers.

“Vroom vroom,” Bi says as she holds her glass of brown stuff over the fire.

“Bottoms up,” Jerri says as the three of them join Bi in the cheers.

Michaela lifts her glass without looking away from the fire.

“Wouldn’t you know it, Michaela,” Colby says, “You’ve got another rhyme crime.”

Michaela rolls her eyes and puts on a smile.

Colby reads the tree mail.

In the game of Survivor

You may be met with ire

But in the final four

All you need is…

“Fire,” Michaela says, “You need fire. It’s the fire making challenge. We already know this.”

“I’m so close to the end,” Colby says in a talking head, “I can feel it. I just have to make fire. Who’s better at making fire than Colby Donaldson?!”

As dusk descends, Jeff leads the jury to the campfire in town. Before each of the four seats around the fire is a fire making kit and a revolver. Jeff explains “Tonight for your final immunity challenge, you will all build a fire. The first person to build fire and raise their flag will win immunity and automatically be going to Final Tribal Council. The three who don’t make fire will then partake in a Mexican Standoff. Each of you will take a revolver and point it at one other person. Once one person has two revolvers pointed at them, you will all fire and the person with two guns pointed at them will be eliminated and become the final member of our jury.”

A scorpion stands on a rock on the hill overlooking tribal council. It flexes its stinger.

The jury leans in to watch the final four fire making challenge. Bi takes her time building a base. Colby makes a classic teepee shape. Jerri stacks some kindling. Michaela builds a system she believes should work. They all begin striking their flint. Colby is the first to achieve fire, followed shortly by Bi. She places another piece of wood on the flames whipping in the desert wind. She holds it in the flame until it catches. Once ignited, she places another piece of wood beneath it. The wind nearly extinguishes Colby’s fire to the point he has to rebuild his structure slowly. But, it’s clear as the night sky. Colby’s too late. Bi’s fire is already licking the twine. It snaps and Bi’s orange flag jolts upward.

“Bi wins immunity,” Jeff calls.

Bi lets out a deliberate, slow exhale, as if she’s been holding her breath for 38 days.

“Colby, Michaela, Jerri, the three of you will now take up your arms and two of you must decide, together, in front of the whole town, who will be the last member of the jury. Once two of you have come to a consensus, pull the trigger.”

Somewhere under the star-littered night sky of the Mojave Desert, a tortoise is mere steps from a river.

The three of them take their revolvers and stand before the saloon in a triangle. They all trade apprehensive glances as they hold the irons at their sides. Michaela, while staring at the sand, finally says, “Colby.”

“Michaela…”

“We established a relationship on day one. We wanted to find common ground, no?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“That was real for me. That was a genuine friendship I wanted with you. I trusted you.”

“The feeling’s mutual, Michaela.”

“Right, but then you didn’t vote with me at our FIRST tribal council. I said, ‘It’s alright. Don’t be mad, Michaela. It’s only the first one. This is a long game.’”

“Right.”

“Then you voted out Wendy.”

“I was vo--”

“I almost went home that night, Colby,” Michaela says, holding back tears, you coulda helped me and you didn’t. You chose not to. You said you wanted to help however you could and when the opportunity presented itself, you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not done yet, Colby. Because, just last night, you tried to vote ME out!”

“I- I’m sorry. What do you want me to say? I'm trying to win this game too! I did what I felt I needed to do to win. I’m sorry!”

“Yeah, truth be told, Colby... your sorries have soured,” Michaela says as she raises her revolver to America’s Favorite Son.

Colby chews his words in his mouth before jutting out his chin and, with tears in his eyes, he points his revolver back at Michaela. They both look to Jerri, who hasn’t looked up from her feet.

“Jare,” Colby says, “It’s me and you to the end.”

“Yeah, Colby,” she said, “From the beginning to the end, Colby & Jerri. But... you had your shot at the end. I think it’s my turn now.”

She points her revolver at Colby and pulls the trigger with Michaela. From the barrel of the gun comes a stick and from the stick unspools a red flag with yellow lettering exclaiming “Bang!”

Colby adjusts his hat over his brow. He collects his things, grabs his torch and sets it next to Jeff. He looks back at the final three and says, “Great game, ladies.”

“Colby,” Jeff says, “the tribe has spoken.”

Colby slings his pack over his shoulder, waves so long, and walks off into the night with the reins of his black mustang in hand. Jeff turns to the final three and says, “Jerri, Michaeala, Bi, congratulations. You have made it as far as you can in this game. Tomorrow, you will present to the jury why you believe you deserve the million dollars and to be crowned the winner of Survivor: Wild West.”

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, sand blasts a forgotten town.

On Morning 39, Jerri, Michaela and Bi ride their horses to the tree where they receive tree mail. This time, they find a chest filled with food and champagne. They dig through the feast of sausages and fruits and sweets.

“You know what’s not in here,” Bi says.

“Hm,” Jerri asks.

“Beans!”

“Good thing Colby’s not here,” Jerri jokes.

“Colbeans!” Michaela and Bi both shout and laugh.

The final three spend their day contemplating their place in the game and prepare their speeches.

“I can’t believe I actually did it,” Bi says in her final talking head. “After David vs Goliath, going out like that, I told myself I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass me up again. So, I did what I had to do to get to the end. I’m not going to apologize for being successful.”

They clean their rooms and pack their bags. They meet outside the saloon for the final time.

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to get to Day 39,” Jerri asks in her final talking head, “I’ve been vilified for 20 years. And for what? I don’t think I’ve ever done anything villainous. I hope the jury can finally recognize that too.”

They unhitch their horses and ride to tribal council. Their torches light the way through the dark desert.

“I know how I’m perceived,” Michaela says in her final talking head. “In my first two seasons, people called me abrasive or entitled. Why? Because I’m a millennial? That’s some bullshit. Millennials work hard as fuck. I think people finally realize that. So, maybe it’s something else. Hm, I do not know what it could be...”

Michaela sits atop her white mustang. Jerri’s curls bounce as she rides her brown quarter horse. Bi strides across the Mojave Desert on her grey lipizzan with her chest forward and her chin pronounced.

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, wild horses roam free.

Jeff sits on his strong clydesdale as the final three enter the Tribal Council area. He welcomes them to Final Tribal Council. They take a seat at the three stones next to the fire. Jeff calls in the jury, “Elizabeth, Todd, Russell, Ben, Wardog, Wendy, Kass, Ken, Lauren and Colby, voted out at last night’s tribal council.”

The jury takes their seat on a provided bench. The ten akhal-tekes line up behind the jury, as if they are a part of it. The horses too stare at the final three. It’s a pressure none of the final three anticipated. But, they all feel it.

“Congratulations on making it to Final Tribal Council,” Jeff begins, “You have outlasted 18 other people. Tonight, the power shifts from you to the jury. Based on what they’ve seen over the last 39 days and what they hear tonight, the jury will make a million dollar decision. Opening statements, Bi, you’re up first.”

“Alright, hi everybody,” Bi starts, “As I’m sure you know, I went out early my first time playing Survivor because of an injury. I went into this game hoping to make the best of this second chance. So, I think, that’s what I did. I saw a path to the end. I saw who I needed to take out to get there, so I did.”

“Jerri,” Jeff instructs.

“Sure, so, everybody knows my story. The public absolutely destroyed me my first time out. That persona has followed me around for two decades. I came in this time, hoping to shed that. I tried to foster positive relationships. I wanted to be a hero this time, like Colby.”

Colby gives a knowing and sheepish smile.

“Michaela,” Jeff says.

“Right. Okay. So, First, I don’t have any real history with anyone on the jury, Jeff. So that feels like a disadvantage. But, more importantly. I knew coming in, I didn’t have a lot of close relationships I could fall back on. I knew I had to build those relationships and sustain them throughout the game. And, it wasn’t a game move. I genuinely wanted to get to know Colby, Jerri, Lauren, hell, even Kass. What I’ve found now in my third time playing, and I’m ashamed it’s taken me this long, but when you are truly invested in getting to know someone, you know, that’s felt. That’s heard. That’s what I tried to do over the last 39 days.”

“Alright, Jury, now it’s your turn. Any questions you have for the final three, ask away. Elizabeth, you’re up first.”

Elizabeth gets up from the Jury bench and stands before the final three, “Good evening, ladies. First things first, congratulations. My question is for Jerri.”

“Shoot,” Jerri says with a smile.

“The night I went home, you voted for me. Why did you vote for me over, say, Michaela, since she’s sitting there next to you?”

“Oh sure. I saw that Ken and Michaela were a strong alliance. Stronger than you, Todd and Wardog, no offense. I thought a foursome of me, Colby, Michaela and Ken could be stronger than that of Me, you, Todd and Wardog.”

“Fair enough. Thank you,” Elizabeth says before taking her seat again.

“Ben, you’re up.”

Ben marches to the imagined lectern and asks, “Bi, how long were you planning on taking me out like that?”

“I wasn’t targeting you specifically, Ben. I just figured you had an idol because you always do. I had the idol nullifier, so I used it on you, along with Wardog extra vote to ensure you would go.”

“So, you targeted me because you knew I had an idol?”

“More or less, yeah.”

“Michaela had an idol. Why didn’t you target her?”

“I didn’t know she had an idol. If I had, maybe it would be you sitting here instead of her.”

“I’m good, Jeff. Thanks,” Ben says.

“Lauren, you’re up next.”

Lauren climbs over Ken on the second row of the jury. He holds her hand as she steps down to the ground.

“Michaela, my question to you is simple. You could have taken anyone out when you took me out with your idol. Why me?”

“I saw you as my biggest competition at that point. I knew you would all come after me, so I knew I would play my idol for myself and I’d be able to take out whoever I wanted. And, sorry Lauren. I thought you and I were playing a similar game and I knew the jury would vote for you over me if we were both here, so I wrote your name down that night.”

“Alright, thanks. Jerri... Me, you, Kass and Wendy had what I thought would be a solid final four. Why did nothing come of that?”

“I had every intention of keeping that alliance together. I knew you and Wendy were close and I was close with Wendy. I hoped you and Kass had a similar relationship on your tribe. But, then Kass took out Wendy so we couldn’t do anything anymore.”

“Alright, thanks, Bi, what can you tell me about myself?”

“Oh, okay, um, you dated Ken.”

“I specifically said time and time again that we were just friends. What else, other than my relationship with Ken do you know about me?”

Bi simply shrugs.

“Okay, I’ll make it simpler for you. What do you know about ANYONE you helped vote out?”

“Wardog’s in law school.”

“Okay,” Lauren says, “It seems to me we have two people who worked hard to maintain relationships in this game of social politics and one person who refrained from getting to know anyone because she didn’t care to. That’s all. Thanks, Jeff.”

“Sure. Russell,” Jeff prompts.

Russell rubs his hands together as he makes his way to the stand.

“Jerri, Michaela, Bi,” he says, “congratulations. My biggest issue in this game has always been jury management. Now, I’m on the jury. Wouldn’t you know it?! So, my question is, how do you feel you were at jury management? Whoever wants to go first.”

“Well,” Bi says, “I’ll say, people may be mad at me. And while I think that’s fair, I’m not going to apologize for it. I got here how I needed to. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Jerri,” Russell says.

“I hope the jury recognizes I was trying to be good the whole time. I never befriended anyone solely to keep them close until I wanted to cut them,” Jerri says with a quick glance to Bi.

“Michaela,” Russell says.

“Well, how the jury feels about me isn’t really up to me, is it? I know how I feel about y’all. I got nothing bad to say about any one of you. I pray that feeling is mutual.”

Russell nods once and returns to his seat.

“Kass,” Jeff says.

She makes her way to the stand and says, “Congratulations ladies. Bi, Michaela, sit sistas.”

They both give her a knowing smile.

“I’ve battled a sexist view of my game since the first time I played. I know Jerri can relate to that. How do you feel your gender influenced your game?”

“You’re right,” Jerri says, “Seeing you play in Cagayan brought up a lot of the feelings I had in Australia. But, to answer your question, not once did anyone’s gender influence my vote.”

“Same here,” Michaela says, “I mean, my two closest allies were Ken and Colby.”

“My closest ally was Wardog,” Bi says, “There was never any all-women's alliance.”

“Thank you. That’s all I wanted to hear,” Kass says before returning to her seat.

“Wardog, you’re up,” Jeff says.

“Alright,” Wardog says as he lifts himself up and walks to the stand, “Bi, quick question for you. How soon after finding the Nullifier did you know you would take me out?”

“As soon as you showed me the Extra Vote. You showed me that and the whole plan came into my head immediately. I just had to be patient.”

“Alright, thanks, Bi. Good luck.”

“Wendy, you’re up.”

Wendy hops up and skips to the stand.

“Hi guys,” she says with the same beaming smile she always has, “Jerri, I wanted to thank you for being my support and my friend through all this. I really appreciated it. My question is this: were you really planning on taking me to the final three?”

Jerri stares at Wendy and taps her foot. She cocks her jaw to the side then looks at the sand. She adjusts her hat and finally says, “Wendy. I want to be honest with you. You deserve that. I wasn’t going to beat you.”

“So you were planning to vote me out.”

“Not if I could help it.”

“So, you were gonna let someone else do it?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“Well, you said you weren’t taking me to the final three but you also weren’t going to vote me out, so which was it?”

Jerri lets out a slow and soft exhale as she searches for her words. Then, finally, she says, “I didn’t want to vote you out. I never want to vote anyone out, but that is unfortunately the game of Survivor.”

“Okay, Jerri, thank you,” Wendy says before returning to her seat.

“Todd,” Jeff says, “You’re next.”

Todd makes his way to the stand and greets them with a positive exhale before saying, “I can’t say I don’t envy your position. But, I’ve been there before. I’ve had my chance. I’m happy to give up my spot to you three lovely ladies. My question is for Michaela. It seemed like we could have worked together, but you took me out immediately. What was your motivation for that?”

“You knew I had the idol. I couldn’t have anyone knowing I had that. The fewer people know about it the more powerful it is.”

“Alright, thanks, Michaela. Good luck.”

Todd takes his seat once again and Jeff calls for Colby. Colby stands up from the Jury and has to hold his stomach as it grumbles when he moves. Once contained, Colby walks to the stand. “Congratulations. I just wanted to say--” Colby says through a stifled burp.

He can’t get the words out. He contorts his face as he holds his stomach. As he deliberately inhales to begin speaking, a different, louder, more unexpected noise is heard from the wrong hole. The Jury, the Final Three, and Jeff are treated to a long, sustained rumble of thunder out of Colby’s butt louder than Krakatoa. Colby goes white as his body deflates. He rests his hand on his stomach and says, “I’m so sorry. That’s incredibly inappropriate.”

The final three all yell “Col-beans” together.

“The magical fruit,” Wardog says.

“Are you alright,” Jerri asks.

“Yeah,” he says, “Never better after that!”

“Do you still want to ask your question,” Jeff asks.

“I actually don’t have a question. I know who I’m voting for. I just wanted to say, Jerri, after last night, I gave it a lot of thought. I was planning on giving you this big speech. And maybe if we were in Australia or Panama or Samoa, I would, but you don’t need all that. We know how we feel about each other.”

“Yeah, of course,” she tells him and they simply smile at each other, both satisfied with where they stand. Colby takes his seat again and Jeff calls, “and last but not least, Ken, you’re up.”

Ken takes his place before the final three and says, “I’ve always found that Survivor, more than a game show, is an educational and potentially transformative experience. So my question is, what do you feel you’ve learned through this experience?”

“I am competitive. I’ve always been competitive. That much I know,” Bi says, “But with that competitive nature, I never took the time to get to know each of you and for that I am sorry. I saw this as, as you said, a game show. I saw you all as my competition. I saw my goal and I did what I felt I had to to get to the end and that is what I’m not going to apologize for.”

“Very good. Thank you, Bi. Jerri?”

“You know the phrase, ‘no man is an island,’” Jerri asks.

 “Yes, of course,” Ken assures her. 

“Well no woman is an island either. I couldn’t have gotten here if not for my relationships with Colby and Michaela, you and Lauren, Wendy and Russell. I owe my game to the people around me. And for that, I thank you.”

“Okay, thank you. Michaela?”

“When Colby, Bi and I went on that reward to Peach Springs,” Michaela says, “there was a moment when we were talking to this guy Tim, and I looked at the four of us, me, a young black woman, Colby an old white man, Bi, a young Vietnamese woman and Tim, a middle aged Native American man. And Tim said something that just put it all in focus for me. All this strife between us is unnecessary, not just in this game but just… everything. Colby, I got nothing against you. Bi, I got nothing against you. Tim said all he truly wants is a comfortable life for him and his. Isn’t that what we all want? Not money, or love, or any concrete thing. We all just want to feel safe in our home. But, I noticed something else in Tim’s eyes after we installed that ramp for his mom and that was the hope that their future was bright, or at least brighter... I feel that same hope inside me tonight.”

“Thank you, Michaela,” Ken says before returning to his seat.

“Alright,” Jeff says, “Thank you, Ken. You will now have a chance to give a closing statement and then the jury will vote.”

“Well,” Jerri says, “I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. I strived to be a good person this time. I strived to build relationships. I never intended to hurt anyone. I hope no one feels hurt by me.”

“I feel I greatly improved this time out,” Bi says, “I’m proud of how I played. That being said, looking back, I wish I’d been more invested in getting to know you all.”

“All I’ve gotta say is,” Michaela says, “I played this game with great patience. I know how I’ve come across in the past. I know what people say about me. It’s two things: She’s smart or she’s abrasive. I can’t turn down my intelligence, but I can turn down what people perceive as abrasiveness, so I did, or at least I tried to. People will still be rude online. But whatever. That’s their shit. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Maya Angelou said that. I put trust in people and that trust was reciprocated... until it wasn’t. At which point, I had to do what I had to do. And, I’ll remind you, this is Survivor: Wild West and a lot of the first cowboys were black.”

“Alright, Jury, take a moment to collect your thoughts and then we’ll vote.”

The jury collects their thoughts as the final three hold one another’s hands and wait. Elizabeth is first up. She proudly writes Bi’s name and draws a pair of boxing gloves in the corner. Kass writes Jerri’s name and draws a rock smashing a pair of scissors. Ken writes Michaela’s name, holds it up to the camera and says, “been a long time coming.”

After the jury casts their votes, Jeff collects the urn and returns to the campfire. He tells them all, “Thank you for an incredible season. I will see you all in LA for the reading of the votes.”

He straps the urn to his clydesdale, climbs aboard and rides off into the night. He rides through the southern tip of Nevada and crosses the border into California. He and his horse traverse the San Bernardino Forest. He comes upon the CBS Studio Center and the doors are opened for him. He rides through the standing audience. On an aisle, Jeff sees Adam Scott hollering. He removes his cowboy hat and places it atop Adam’s head. Jeff hitches his clydesdale to the hitching post at the bottom of the stage. He takes the votes and greets the cast on stage. The stage holds a recreation of town square Bi wears a strapless yellow dress. Jerri wears a fitting red gown. Michaela wears a black dress with long lace sleeves. Jeff wears his same blue safari shirt as he sets the urn on his lectern and waits for the audience to finish applauding. Once they’ve seated, he says, “I’m gonna read the votes.”

The audience hips and hollers again.

“First vote: Jerri.”

The audience cheers and Jerri gives a bashful smile.

“Second vote: Bi.”

There’s a smattering of applause.

“Third vote: Michaela.”

The crowd erupts in applause. Michaela is taken aback by the response. Jeff just grins.

“Bi, Jerri, Michaela,” Jeff says, reading the next three votes, “We’re tied as two a piece.”

Everyone in the studio waits in anticipation.

“Michaela,” Jeff says to more hooting and hollering.

“Jerri,” Jeff says, unfolding the next vote to great applause.

“Michaela, Winner of Survivor: Wild West, Michaela.”

The crowd erupts and Michaela stands up with tears streaming down her face. Her mouth is half-agape in disbelief. She holds her hands a few inches from her face as she greets her family in the audience.

Elizabeth and Wardog voted for Bi. Kass, Wendy and Russell voted for Jerri. Todd, Ken, Lauren, Ben and Colby voted for Michaela.

“Congratulations to MIchaela! She got five of the ten votes! We’ll be right back for the reunion!”

[not-that-joker]

4 12 13 16 26 27 32 57 68 74 82 92 95 99

4. Last time i cried and why:

A few days ago, I had a nightmare about that time when we were preparing to fight Shido’s Shadow…particularly, that a really, really stupid plan I had succeeded and I had to see the aftermath.

I don’t want to go into too much detail about it though. I mean, I want to talk about what I tried to do, I want to vent about how stupid I was, but it hits so many “lover’s tragedy” tropes that at the same time I really don’t want to talk about it publicly, because someone’s going to romanticize it and…it wasn’t romantic. It was miserable, it could have destroyed my friends and family, it was just…I’d say it was hell, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Hell and it doesn’t even hold a candle to that.

12. Ideas of a perfect date:

Honestly, I’ve never had any specific ideas of what that would be like. General little things, though…it couldn’t be anything too serious. I’d rather go out to a casual place or stay around at home than go to a fancy restaurant where we’d have to worry about stifling ourselves in the name of “atmosphere” - or if we did go to a fancy place for the food, I’d want to follow it up with goofing off at home. Basically, the one requirement is it has to be personal and natural - it should be about how we react to each other; not our environment, and not strangers around us.

Maybe a nice day at the park when nearly no one else is there, or eating at the diner late at night, before going home to watch old movies.

13. Life goal:

Primary life goal at this point is to not end up hopelessly bored upon comparing my future to what I’ve already been through. I don’t really know how I want to pull that off. Maybe I’ll try to become an actor? Or maybe I’ll go into science or engineering. Definitely something that involves a lot of field work if I go that route.

16. Favorite movie:

It’s always these questions that stump me. I have no idea.

26. What’s one thing you regret?

I have no idea. I kind of wish Futaba hadn’t been the one to take down the fake Medjed site, because that would have tipped us off that something was wrong way before we figured it out, but for one, I had no real control over that; it’s not really mine to regret, and two, it wouldn’t have really changed anything. I wish we could have gotten away with not picking Okumura as a target, at least not when we did, but it’s not like we had any other options - between what I thought would be no worse than making it look like we were open to manipulation, and letting Haru get sold off? Even now I don’t know that I would have done anything different - besides maybe defend Old Man Okumura’s Shadow, if I could. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about what would have been different if I’d answered Goro’s calls when he thought I was dead. Sometimes I wish I did. But what if Shido had found out? I could have saved Goro a lot of pain…or I could have just made everything a thousand times worse for both of us. 

I don’t know. There’s a lot I wish had happened differently, but…I don’t know what I would have changed to make it happen.

27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

Does Goro still count?

32. Have you ever painted your room?

I helped my parents repaint my room once when I was 9, does that count?

I’ve been kind of wanting to redo it for a while though. I got the idea in my head that it would be really fun to do abstract splatter patterns by clearing out all my stuff, putting a dropcloth down on the floor, and just having a big paint fight with some friends. I just might actually end up doing it if anyone else is down for it, once I pick out a color scheme.

57. Have you ever played dress up?

I always kinda wanted to when I was a kid but never got to. I mean, my dad loves fashion and dressing up and all, but…we both worried about what would happen if the social worker saw kid-sized dresses in the house. The circumstances around how I grew up were…complicated, and we were always nervous about someone thinking I was being “corrupted” and taking me away…we had enough of a scare when someone found one of his and my other dad had to pass it off as having belonged to my mom and having sentimental value. I don’t think we’d have been able to do that with one in my size.

But I finally got to live it out for the first time when I was faking my death. I had a lot of fun with disguises…and so did Ann and Haru. 

68. Have you ever hated the way you look?

Look, if I’m gonna be brutally honest here, I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t felt that way. Ann is the most confident person I know and even she gets down on herself sometimes when she sees how much her pictures get Photoshopped. Of course I have. My hair is impossible to tame. The more I train, the more I bulk up and look like a mindless brute. I really regretted that last Big Bang Challenge; I couldn’t button my pants for two days and I just felt so fat. Plus, I just look so plain…it’s useful to be able to blend into a crowd, but at the same time, who seeks out someone who looks exactly like every third person who walks by? 

Overall, I’m pretty happy with myself, but…I think everyone has those moments of insecurity now and then. I’m no exception.

74. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Almost every night from early December to late February. Like I keep saying.it was hell.

82. Have you ever dream that you married someone?

The first time I imagined I’d actually get married, I was 13, and sitting with a good friend of mine. We bonded over being rumor magnets, and later over being the only gay kids we knew of in school - she was the only person I trusted to tell outright, but…well, I was raised by two dads, and I showed no interest in dating girls, so people started speculating. That was…terrifying, considering the whole social worker situation. Finally one day the rumors got to be too much and we just…exchanged an understanding glance and kissed right there in the middle of the hall. From then on, until I got sent out to the city, I always imagined marrying her, and her eventual girlfriend marrying my eventual boyfriend, because if we were already in this much trouble with stereotypes and people’s expectations, why not “play normal” on paper while still living the lives we wanted? Had this nice mental image of a joint wedding and everything. I don’t think we’re going to have to go through with that plan now, what with how fast the world has been progressing on understanding sexuality…but that was the first time I ever dreamed of getting married.

92. Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

Nah, I’m way too generic-looking to get random remarks like that.

95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

That happens all the time when I get together with all the other Phantom Thieves for reasons other than business.

99. Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

Goro. That is all.

[redlemonz]

Day #29

Here we go again. Nothingness, as apparent through my outer appearance, but served with a side of slower, longer breaths. The clouds in my mind are heavy and ready to burst again, as I clasp onto the temples of my skull in an attempt to contain myself. Internally and externally freezing at this point too, and all I wish to do to resolve it is cuddle her as she'd lay beside me in in this bed, or even just tell myself that the possibility still exists. But it doesn't, and so the sharpness of this chill spreads and splinters my heart. The piercing nature of being reminded on yet another new day where I stand is numbing to my soul, yet also creates a small ball of rage within me that's target is it's own self. I'm still a mess, but at least I'm a somewhat disciplined mess now, even if it means living each day as a robot. I haven't even shaved since just before the end, and visiting her for our wonderful weekend (+sick day monday), and am on the road to probably looking like a lumberjack. The only tree I'm in the process of cutting down with this axe however is my own source of life, being slowly chipped away at with this sharp metal. She'd probably like me more if I literally was timber though. Jokes aside (well, hopefully that one's a joke), I've got a new phrase to quote from her that I can repetitively punish myself with. "I don't know" - when those words arise, and are not in the context of any conversation we're having at the time, likely pertains to her evaluative thought process on whether we actually can be simply friends and refrain from crossing the imaginary line between us. It could also mean she's questioning herself out loud to whether she's made the right decision by ending us, although I'll admit that's just an extremely and unrealistic optimistic view upon my part - because I'm certain by now that she has no doubts in regards to that decision. She's provided me with enough clarity in regards to the blunt and brutal honesty, to wedge that nail into my heart and head. Nevertheless, as much as it crushed me to respond in some way or manner to that, I simply told her to stick by her beliefs and principles, as she's the smarter one between us two and always has been. I don't want to influence her because I have no right to, and because I've already dragged her down enough and contributed greatly towards making her betray who she is, through my own selfish and regrettable acts. It pained me to essentially state that she's better off without me, and should do whatever she has to for her own wellbeing, but I do love her and have always genuinely just wanted the best for her, and that's the truest underlying intention upon which I wanted to build our relationship. Even if it means that I'm alone, on the other side of this bridge away from her, as she freely disappears away into the tunnel of her own individual future. I hope that this recurring sacrificial theme doesn't falsely come across as emphasising some sort of heroic tragedy, because I can assure you that this isn't a damn fantasy that I exist within, and is in fact an on-going and inevitable penance for the consequences of my deeds. Day 29 - "what ifs" are pointless Another uneventful day of work, with the exception of the other two of the three asking me how things are with her, just to give me shit - as friends do. Of course they know the situation for the most part already, but I figure that laughing along and keeping my mask of security attached is the best thing I can do otherwise I'll lose my only remaining minor safe haven of distraction. I stress a great weight on the word 'minor' in that regard, as I just spent a few moments of time after the lunch break returning to my personal sickroom to alleviate some anxiety. I've been sitting here wondering whether things could've been any different if she was still in the same town. I remember that her parents were leaving for a five week holiday in which I was excited to spend a bunch more time at her place with her (or I'd assume so anyway because I'd likely invite myself over all the time). Damn, that would've been a dream of a time too. Of course she would be the one who's capable and genius enough to apply, interview and attain a job in a different town, all on the same day. Because she's just that naturally talented, and I'm glad she's being recognised for It. Ever since then, even though as I mentioned that I tried to support her as much as I could (and ultimately failed miserably and selfishly), I was afraid of losing her and consequently us drifting apart because of what common long-distance relationships are perceived to be like. It's due to that self-reasoning that my insecurities spiked to an all time high, and I got even more attached and emotionally vulnerable to the point where I would react and fight with her uncontrollably at an unnecessarily level. I felt as though I had to try extra hard and make much more effort than usual, (which you can witness that I clearly brought upon myself) and it's certainly true to a degree for obvious reasons revolving around the physical distance we're apart from each other, but I took that, and my overall insecurities way too overboard when trying to hold onto us. Everything was just happening so quickly that I never really adjusted properly to the new idea of what life would be like, and didn't bother to appropriately take a breath, step back and realise the leap she was taking on her own, rather than focusing on us and how it would affect me. It's too late for me to make any further excuses though, and figure how I could've approached the situation so much more differently and supportively, as opposed to how it would benefit my own greedy agenda. I was holding her back from embracing her new life in a new town, rather than holding her hand by her side through it. It doesn't matter what would've happened if she had stayed here, because she didn't - and that's not how life works. I failed to adjust to the alterations and got needier for recognition in her life as a result, because I felt much more easily disposable in the greater physical distance we had between us now, but also because the opportunities for recognition were more limited than usual. As you can tell, my greatest flaw lay in over-thinking and assuming largely ahead about how negatively things would potentially play out and fall apart, which consequently ruined our present day and brought forward that very same despised fate which I initially created in my head. Anyway, I've returned to torment myself by uselessly piling up all my obvious mistakes and regrets and hating myself for it all, and wishing I could relive it. I guess it's still a learning experience at the end of the day, even if it is sadly and unfortunately far too overdue. So I broke down on the drive along to the gym this evening, and I'm not sure why (though forcing yourself towards going to the gym can sometimes be sufficient reason on its own). It came out of nowhere, and I wasn't even thinking about anything specific in particular. Though I suppose I'm constantly thinking about her in general anyway which may is likely an adequate formula. I did have some unforeseen rage build up inside me before I departed home too. Maybe the afterthoughts, subsequent blame and self-loathing may have slightly subconsciously triggered the watery eyes. Nevertheless I fed the wolf some iron, as my friend The Colonel would say, so mission accomplished there once I got past all the hellish reflective gym anxiety that's always fun. Thinking about how I'm occupying myself well for the upcoming days with overtime work late on Thursday, and on Saturday, and then watching some word famous fight on Sunday at one of three's place (the dude lives down the road basically) that everybody in the drowning mainstream is going mental about. Sad to admit but even though it's been a while now, I don't even really miss my friends anymore either, because I've got a lack of belonging there now - I'm the lone wolf in every sense who simply doesn't fit in, or can't anymore. Most of the time I can't help but feel so negatively judged by a few of the closer ones - justifiably so, given the dirtbag I clearly am, but it's still painful nonetheless. I've accepted that they're better off without me holding them back too. What I am slightly afraid of is the changing, lonely dynamic that will be brought to this empty house when my family leaves for a holiday in a week from now. They're not away for long at all - about ten days or so, but in spite of that the impact will still be felt considering that they do generally contribute a more favourable role in my current daily battle with insanity with their presence. That should definitely be interesting and fun to analyse whether hell consumes me further or not. I'll live - hopefully anyway (just kidding.. haha?) If only she could come visit for that weekend. Everything would be better. She actually snapped me some more cute and crazy singalong videos of herself to shitty symphonies on the radio today. We had some general message exchanges in the late evening too which were nice. I'm actually learning that I'm appreciating speaking to her so much more no matter what we say or discuss, or a lack thereof, because of my absence of wasted time conversing with others outside of my bubble with general small talk. She designed, drew, constructed and ultimately transformed my empty model of a face into one with a lasting smile, and successfully accomplished in bringing about my contentment tonight - without endeavouring to do so. She's quite the architect, after all.