#and it was meant to make vegans look bad so that people would start buying MORE meat out of spite

[artificialcaretaker]

I feel like my almost instantaneous attachment to Chief is in part due to the hyper specific concept of both being a POC and having an anxiety-based disorder. Cuz like let’s think. Is it REALLY paranoia if you’re personally aware of the fact that both historically and in current time, people just deadass DON’T LIKE YOU?? Is it REALLY overreacting if you realistically can’t fully trust the majority of the people around you?? At what point can I reason with myself that my brain is inherently dysfunctional and is constantly in panic mode and when can I acknowledge that the reason I’m terrified of something or someone because they might ACTUALLY hurt me?? Who am I supposed to trust knowing that the people societally put in place to protect DO NOT want to protect me?? Can I stay inside forever?? Can I lock myself in one place and never leave again?? Wait goddamnit ethic parents don’t play like that I’ve gotta actually have a life.

Maybe his character wasn’t meant to be read in such a way, and regardless it’s not like he’s gonna resonate with me completely cuz like. I’m black. We’re comin from different perspectives here. Idk what I’m sayin man he’s just my guy and I love him and I really need to look for more media with severely anxious individuals who AREN’T being weirdly infantilized or romanticized so that I can salivate over them and murmur “Literally me……literally me……” while violently gripping a pencil to draw them. Lol lmao.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Stalker X Stalker, Part 10

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Perma tag: @nathleigh @peachmuses

Stalker x Stalker taglist: @aespades @jayjayspixiepop @blueslushgueen @fan-written @seraphichana @nerd-nowandforever @toodaloo-kangaroo

Marinette’s collection of vigilantes in her house was still growing, somehow. You’d think it would stop with just the ones that consistently lived in Gotham, but no.

Nightwing started dropping by whenever he was in town to try and teach her escrima. She wasn’t good with them because she wasn’t used to fighting people up close, but she didn’t really think that that was the reason why they were doing it.

Still, it was fun…

(Except for that one time they’d been heading back to her house and she dropped her phone down the drain and had to beg the rat-person -- she was pretty sure Nightwing had called them Ratcatcher? -- for help. It was very traumatizing. He’d given her a new phone but she was never going to recover emotionally from that day.)

And then, a few days before Thanksgiving, Flamebird had made an appearance.

The reason why was less fun, though.

She’d opened her blinds and stared at him for a few moments. He was leaning against her fire escape, hand pressed to his stomach.

“Hey, Robin, does Flamebird usually do the Napoleon pose?”

“The…? Oh, no, he does not.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I thought so.” She swung her window open. “Hi. Nice to meet you. What happened?”

“Got stabbed.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Okay, yeah, obviously, want to elaborate?”

“Got stabbed in the stomach,” he said, after a second’s thought.

So, no, then. She shrugged to herself and let him come inside.

“Right, Robin, go get the medkit out from under my sink,” she said, pulling a hairband from her wrist and tying her hair back.

Flamebird frowned. “Can’t you just undo everything with your magic?”

“Not magic,” supplied Tikki, popping her head out of Marinette’s pocket.

“FUCK,” yelped Flamebird.

Damian made the quiet clicking sound he made whenever he was about to say something rude but Marinette cut him off with a glare and pointed him towards the bathroom. Damian grumbled a little under his breath but obeyed for fear of being thrown out.

She turned back to Flamebird. “Also, that’s not how my ‘magic’ works. If I’m not involved in a fight…” She made a ‘poof’ motion with her hands. “No miracle cure.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Man, if I’d known that I would’ve just dealt with this myself.”

“Well, it is too late for that,” said Damian, who had come back out with a medkit. “Now, sit down, we will tend to your wound.”

And they did.

(Or, rather, Marinette did. It didn’t matter if she knew, logically, that he already knew how wounds looked and how to treat them, she just didn’t feel comfortable making him help. She sent him off to play with the cat and worked on dressing it. She’d made a mistake here by doing the normal routine while stitching someone up: asking about things they liked to distract them. He said he was an ‘avid reader’, she’d laughed and said that she probably wouldn’t know any of the books he mentioned because she hardly ever read in English, and now she was apparently in a book club. That was on her, she supposed, but it was still a little irritating.)

And that was all the vigilantes. They all came over from time to time. Sometimes they’d see each other and give each other awkward smiles or actively ignore each other, but it became a constant part of her life.

But it all came to a head one seemingly regular day.

She had been walking up the stairs to her apartment with Tim, ten bags of groceries loaded onto her arms and five on his (he was to open the door), and had nearly bumped into him when he stopped suddenly.

“Cass?” He asked, confused.

She raised her eyebrows just slightly. She’d thought everyone knew about each other but, now that she thought about it, because of the scheduling Tim wouldn’t really be around when everyone else came by.

He took Cass’s arrival in stride, though, fishing his key out of his pocket and pushing the door open.

He did not take in stride the fact that Duke, Damian, and Nightwing were all inside her house already. Duke was sitting on her counter, wrapped in a blanket as he scrolled through his phone. Damian was playing with Vanelope. Nightwing was doing stretches on her floor.

“Hey, look, more people that don’t live here,” Marinette said with only a hint of bitterness.

Nightwing glanced up. “You’re out of chips.”

“Already --?!” She took a deep breath to steady herself. “Fine. Fine. I got more, anyways.”

Tim snapped out of it. He closed and locked the door quickly before sending Marinette a pout. “Alright, I can get you cheating on me with Cass, but come on,” he half joked.

Marinette rolled her eyes. “If one of the people I’m apparently cheating with is a five-year-old --.”

“TWELVE.”

“-- then I think you have more things to worry about than my serial adultery, darling.”

“... guess that’s true.”

“Also, I only buy groceries with you, so you’re clearly my favorite concubine.”

Duke grinned. “Actually --.”

“Except for that one time I asked Signal to go find ricotta because I’d forgotten it,” she conceded. “I guess he's my second favorite.”

Cass pouted and raised her hand.

“She makes a good case for herself. You’ve both been demoted,” she joked.

Tim was still pouting. Probably has something to do with going from favorite to second favorite. Who knows.

She rolled her eyes. She had bigger problems. Like her food. There were frozens and she was not going to lose her food to something as stupid and useless as the air. She waved him along as much as she could with the bags digging into her arms and started putting things away.

She tipped her head back after a second to squint at everyone. They were awkwardly staring at each other, for some reason… oh, right, they technically didn’t know each other.

“Uh, introductions, I guess. Signal, Robin, and Nightwing, meet my friends. Tim, Cass, meet my annoyances.”

Tim perked up a little at being called a friend rather than an annoyance. Problem solved. Kind of.

He set down his bags and leaned close to her ear. “So, they don’t know you know?”

“Duke does,” she mumbled back. “I’m not going to tell them about it, though, I want to see how long it takes them to notice.”

He snickered. “I can get behind that.”

“Good. You didn’t have a choice in the matter,” she joked, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose.

She could hear Cass groan a little at the obvious affection and both Duke and Damian cringed. She fought the urge to laugh. It was just a little kiss on the nose, they didn’t have to act like it was scandalous or gross.

But, apparently, it was gross enough for Damian to grab her arm to try and pull her attention away from Tim (and physically pull her away from him, she noted, as she was forced to take a half-step back from him).

“Did you get more of my gummy bears?”

She rolled her eyes. “Did you ask for them? Did you tell me you were out?”

He looked a little put out and she felt bad enough to give up the act quickly:

“Yes, kid, I got you your weird vegan gummy bears.”

He beamed and started sifting through her bags.

She smiled fondly and ruffled his hair, ignoring the knife that was sent her way for the action with practiced ease, then started putting things away.

Everyone except Damian made their way over to help. There were no ulterior motives, they insisted, even as she watched Nightwing slip a bag of chips into Damian’s hoodie for safekeeping and Duke pocket an apple.

At least Cass and Tim were reasonably well-behaved, she thought right before she watched him split an orange with her.

~

Tim squinted at the three people below him.

Jon had come to visit because a) the no metas in Gotham rule had more or less stopped being enforced due to constant complaints from the Justice League, b) Damian needed friends his age, and c) it was Christmas and Jon was so sure that this year was going to be the year that Damian finally understood the holiday.

And, because Jon had come to visit, so had Conner. The worst part of being an older brother that Tim understood all too well.

But, now, he looked down at the three people gathered at the bottom of the stairs.

They were apparently competing to see who could be the stupidest. Steph was standing on a banister, Marinette was trying to sit on a vertical bo staff, and Conner was doing a handstand on both of their heads. It was a little shaky, what with Steph’s barely restrained laughter and the fact that bos are not meant to be balanced on and Conner trying to do tricks, but they were clearly having fun.

Tim crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the entrance to the cave. Did he have a type?

Their comms crackled to life and all three went stock-still, grins wiped from their faces briefly as they listened to see what had happened.

“I am requesting the night off to have an outing with Superboy.”

Bruce gave the grunt that meant ‘fine’.

The three relaxed now that they knew that everything was okay, quickly going back to their game. Marinette had added a surfboard. Steph was struggling with an exercise ball. Conner was slowly taking off fingers.

Tim sighed to himself. Yep. Dumbasses who can only be serious for truly important things -- and, even then, only for a few seconds at a time. That was his type. Someone, please, save him.

~

It had been a while since Marinette had gone out on her own (with the intention of staying alone, leaving for patrols didn’t count). Really, she normally wouldn’t, but she needed to pick up a piece of fabric she’d forgotten to get the day before and it wasn’t even a meter’s worth. She didn’t need help for that.

Besides, going by herself was much quicker. She was able to go by rooftop as Ladybug.

Of course, going as Ladybug had a risk to it that she didn’t realize until it was too late: responsibilities.

She groaned to herself as she made to jump to the next roof and her eyes landed on a person getting mugged in the alleyway below her.

She looked down at the bag with her fabric inside it and wondered if it was even worth leaving it there while she got rid of the attacker. Most of the time the people mugging people in Gotham were using fake guns. Even if they weren’t, muggings were common enough that most people had little on them and were only slightly annoyed when people tried to rob them. The person below was no exception, it seemed. They scoffed when the gunman poked their back.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” they said irritably.

Wait, shit, she knew that voice.

She squinted down into the darkness and, yep, she would recognize that almost unhealthily pale skin anywhere.

She dropped down into the alley between them and, to her slight surprise, it turned out the gun actually did have bullets in it. A shot rang out. She fell back a step, cradling her shoulder.

The gunman’s eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to shoot her. It had probably just been a split second reaction.

Unfortunately for him, getting shot really fucking hurts and she was going to take it out on him. Especially since he’d been trying to mug one of her friends. She glanced back at Tim, who was shaking and a little pale, and grit her teeth. Yeah, this guy was fucked.

Eventually, though, the pain in her shoulder, worsened by all the movement, got too unbearable and she rolled off of the mugger. She tied the man’s hands and feet behind his back with her yoyo and, after calling Miraculous Ladybug, called it a day. She’d get her yoyo back later.

For now, she pressed a hand to her ear. “Hey, Signal, I’ve got one for you.”

“You’re joining me for daytime patrols now?” He asked, his voice somehow brighter than the powers he had.

“Nah, just happened to come across…” She considered embarrassing Tim but decided against it when she saw her friend’s face. “... someone getting mugged while out today.”

He huffed a little but she ignored it in favor of relaying the address.

The perpetrator to be taken care of, she turned to the victim. She didn’t know whether the rules applied to people you knew, but she figured she might as well go through with the normal procedure. Tim liked procedure, it might help him.

So, step one: connect with the victim. She unzipped her hoodie and smiled brightly, making sure her eyes crinkled behind her mask.

Step two: check to make sure they aren’t going into shock.

Normally, she was able to skip this step. The miracle cure got rid of it if they had gone into it before the attack… but his eyes were somehow both fixed intensely on her like he was scared she’d disappear if he chanced a look away and extremely vacant.

She took slow, careful steps towards him, hand out to check his pulse.

Once she was close enough, he grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug. Marinette didn’t quite know what to do. The part of her brain still doing the normal procedure told her to hug back because this was a scared victim that wanted comfort, but the other part was tempted to push him off to check for a concussion… even though, logically, he shouldn’t have one because she had cast Miraculous Ladybug so her arm wouldn’t have a bullet in it anymore --.

Oh. She was stupid.

He’d watched his friend get shot and now he was freaking out. Like people are supposed to do.

She hugged him back, bringing a hand up to run through his hair.

“Would you like me to take you home?” She asked.

“My… my friend lives near here,” said Tim quietly, mindful of the fact that the mugger was still within earshot.

She nodded. “I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

He bit his lip so hard that she worried he’d break the skin and nodded.

She took him home and, with only a brief stop to keep Vanelope from escaping, set him down on the couch. She kept a hand touching him at all times as she gathered the blankets and pillows strewn about by all the visits the bats made. For once, she was glad she never really had time to clean, she didn’t want to let go of him when he was clearly so concerned about her.

Less than five minutes later she’d wrapped them both up as tightly as she could with as many blankets as she could reach. He rested his head against her shoulder, arms loosely draped around her under the blankets. Vanelope settled on their laps and started to purr; she made a mental note to give her a bunch of treats later.

But, for now…

She cupped his cheeks in her hands and waited patiently as he struggled to pull himself together enough to actually be present.

“Darling, I said I wouldn’t go anywhere. I’m not breaking that promise. Okay?”

He nodded slightly, finally releasing his lip to speak: “Okay.”

She pressed a kiss to his nose. A half smile made its way across his face.

“Now, how do you feel about Big Fish?”

He squeezed her a little tighter. “The circus scene is cute.”

She nodded her agreement. “I like the daffodil scene better, personally, but it is pretty cute.”

She turned the movie on.

~

Tim was sure he was overreacting. Of course he was. She hadn’t died, she wasn’t even hurt any more. It clearly didn’t bother her, he had ‘accidentally’ chosen that shoulder to rest his head on and she hadn’t so much as winced when he had. No, the only worry she had was about him.

So, he should be fine.

But he wasn’t.

She’d been shot and, for a second, he’d feared it would be another Darla situation. And he couldn’t deal with another Darla situation. He couldn’t. He had to believe that he was better than that high school Tim that had let all his friends die. Because if he wasn’t better than that meant he couldn’t have friends and he couldn’t deal with that either.

He didn’t want to be alone again.

No, he wouldn’t let that happen. He could think of a plan, surely. He was a planner, he found problems and he dealt with them. That had been his coping mechanism pretty much since birth and (if you ignore all the workaholic tendencies, independence issues, and General Trauma) it was working out pretty well for him. Can’t be sad if there’s work to do, after all.

Yeah. Work. He was good at work.

He bit his lip.

Alright, so the problem stemmed from his fear of being alone… which wasn’t going to be fixed anytime soon. Good coping mechanisms? In this family? Please. Next.

Alright, so the problem stemmed from his fear of her getting hurt.

Simple solution! Don’t let her get hurt!

… not as simple a solution as it sounded on paper.

She wasn’t going to stop vigilantism anytime soon. He wouldn’t make her, and she wasn’t going to do it on her own accord. Even if she decided to at some point Tim didn’t have much hope for it. Every person in the family had tried that already, it never worked. They’d say that it would be fine, that they were going to stop for their mental health or even just permanently end it… but family was family and how could someone sit back and watch family get hurt when they could do something about it?

So, that wasn’t going to happen. What other answers were there?

Well, he supposed that she had left on her own and that was the main problem. If she hadn’t left on her own then he wouldn’t have followed after her in secret and he wouldn’t have gotten attacked in the first place.

But he couldn’t be around much more without it being weird unless he…

He couldn’t…

Could he?

He figured it was worth a shot. And he should ask now. If she said no he wouldn’t have to worry about her thinking him weird, she’d just assume it was a request made while in the middle of shock and forget about it.

He hesitantly let go of his lip.

“Hey, Bean?”

She stopped pretending to watch Big Fish for the sake of giving him privacy. “Yeah?”

“Remember when… I…” He bit his lip, trying to think of a better way to phrase it, but he couldn’t. There really was no casual way to ask. He took a deep breath to steady himself. “Can I, maybe, move in with you?”

She stared at him for a moment, eyes wide, before quickly shaking her head.

He must have looked pretty put out, because she rushed to explain herself:

"You’re under emotional duress, darling, it wouldn’t be right to say yes.”

He nodded his understanding and it was silent for a bit before he eventually said: “But, if I asked tomorrow… would you say yes?”

She looked at him for a while, her face unreadable, before she gave him a hesitant smile.

“Well, I already said that you basically lived here. I suppose there wouldn’t be anything wrong with making it official.”

[gamer-logic]

Hetalia Platonic Ships Week Day 2: Coronvirus Chaos

When the virus hit, all the countries were forced to cancel the meeting and quarantine at their respective houses, and use zoom. Here are my headcanons of how the 1p and 2ps would fair!

Americans: With quarantine active, Alfred and Allen had to stay home which also meant the states stay too. Because this is our lovable all-American family, they go full-on zombie apocalypse mode with California and New York trying to panic buy all the toilet paper. Needless to say, they're not on grocery duty anymore. After this initial panic, things start out fine despite Alfred's meltdown about not getting to go to McDonald's anymore and Allen's subsequent victory lap because he won't have to be near the junk anymore. As their giant house is built on an estate because where else is big enough to put fifty kids and various farm and exotic animals including a large enough pool for Ameriwhale, and workshop with various vehicles Allen immediately takes control of the kitchen from Alfred and is dead set on making him eat better. He also gets the kids in on it and soon enough Alfred is hogtied to his chair, courtesy of Texas, and trying out every vegan dish Allen wants. The kids are wild and it doesn't take long for cabin fever to start kicking in though, but both Alfred and Allen are able to mitigate this by planning daily hikes and other outdoor activities. Oregon doing yoga much to the chagrin of a sailor mouthed New Jersey, Texas and Arizona teach everyone the ways of the wide-open range and many survival skills. Lastly, everyone has many movie marathons beginning with, of course, Marvel. Tony also joins them after coming out of his video game hibernation. One question why no one's one's thought to ask Tony about making a cure for the pandemic with his alien tech. Though that may be a good thing as who knows how that alien stuff would affect a human.

Americans: With quarantine active, Alfred and Allen had to stay home which also meant the states stay too. Because this is our lovable all-American family, they go full-on zombie apocalypse mode with California and New York trying to panic buy all the toilet paper. Needless to say, they're not on grocery duty anymore. After this initial panic, things start out fine despite Alfred's meltdown about not getting to go to McDonald's anymore and Allen's subsequent victory lap because he won't have to be near the junk anymore. As their giant house is built on an estate because where else is big enough to put fifty kids and various farm and exotic animals including a large enough pool for Ameriwhale, and workshop with various vehicles Allen immediately takes control of the kitchen from Alfred and is dead set on making him eat better. He also gets the kids in on it and soon enough Alfred is hogtied to his chair, courtesy of Texas, and trying out every vegan dish Allen wants. The kids are wild a and it doesn't take long for cabin fever to start kicking in though, but both Alfred and Allen are able to mitigate this by planning daily hikes and other outdoor activities. Oregon doing yoga much to the chagrin of a sailor mouthed New Jersey, Texas and Arizona teach everyone the ways of the wide-open range and many survival skills. Lastly, everyone has many movie marathons beginning with, of course, Marvel. Tony also joins them after coming out of his video game hibernation. One question why no one's one's thought to ask Tony about making a cure for the pandemic with his alien tech. Though that may be a good thing as who knows how that alien stuff would affect a human. Alfred likes to mess with the filters on the screen to tick off Authur but gets serious when it matters. Also, Tony hacks into the meeting from time to time to hear updates so he can better understand how to cure the virus and also troll everyone. Allen is running damage control to keep the kids from killing themselves and they'll often switch.

The Canadians: Similar to the Americans with how they're quarantined at home with the 13 provinces. They actually start panic buying too. However, instead of toilet paper, they buy up everyone's pancake ingredients and a bottle of maple syrup insight into every normal human's befuddlement. Hey, feeding 13 kids is hard! Unlike the states, the 13 last even shorter t thanks to Quebec who sees a prime opportunity to rebel once more. As for groceries, Quebec gets them for his punishment. Kuma and Kumajirou provide great comfort to animals when it starts getting tense and anxious due to cabin fever. Not only that, but they bring home the literal bacon with James when he goes hunting. Watching Kuma go pounding through the woods with Kuma on his back is a sight to behold and has since gained over 5 billion views on Utube. Everyone helps out in remedying this by creating a ginormous fort for them all to sleep in. This eventually includes Quebec when his punishment ends. Kuma likes sitting in Canada's lap during zoom meetings while James often struggles with keeping the provinces in check. Cue him doing an exact impression of the video with the woman sliding in like she's on ice to get the kids out while her husband is on video.

The Frenchmen: Francis, the drama queen that he is, freaks out about not being able to go out anymore and being forced to wear such ugly masks. Luiz could care less as this is exactly what he's been doing and just carries on until he hast to calm Franics' shrieking at how he'd been forced to home and not go shopping anymore. Francis ends up collaborating with Flavio in his new mask line to remedy the 'threat to fashion everywhere.' He also keeps up with his and Author's rivalry by mail, fondly reminding him of the previous years dealing with ink and a quill. Both Francis and Author have their own chatroom dubbed 'Britain and France's fighting chatroom," or more affectionately, "The 100 years chat."

The German Brothers: They all buy up the beer and Ludwig starts implementing extra training because 'you can't let a pandemic let you get soft! Now run like you're running from a human-sized germ!' Their house soon becomes a minefield with the prank war Lutz and Prussia initiate. Klaus loves the extra peace and quiet he's been getting now. Blackie, Astor, and Berlitz are happy their humans are home much more often now and are getting very spoiled. Ludwig takes control of the computer while on zoom because he knows what the others would do with they got it. Lutz and Gilbert keep making fart sounds and shuffling noises in the background, leaving Klaus to just sigh and a tomato face Ludwig to stammer on with the meeting.

The Italians: Flavio takes one look at the masks and immediately gets inspired for a new, pandemic edition, line of masks, and mask-related cloths including the two in one mask dress. Luciano let all his men go home with their only orders to be safe and stay healthy as he's not willing to relive the Black Plague. Lovino will never admit this, but he's kind of glad for the pandemic since it's given him the chance to spend time with his brother. Though this doesn't;t stop Spain from calling to check in 3 times a day. Feliciano tries to do all kinds of new things to keep everyone's spirits up and is also the guy who stole all the store's pasta, tomatoes, and sauce. Flavio makes all four of them show up fashionably late to the zoom conference despite it being online.

The Russians: Viktor keeps up with his work as much as possible and both he and Ivan have to hide their grins when their president has to quarantine. They don't really like him much. Ivan tries looking at pictures of sunflowers to keep himself occupied. He fears the loneliness quarantine brings, but Viktor tries to be around more so he doesn't get so lonely as he's also felt that pain before. He doesn't want Ivan to be like him who doesn't have friends nor the time for them. Out of the two, Viktor is the most serious about his work and is often seen using zoom for meetings.

The Japanese: Both are enjoying the introvert's paradise but are also worrying over the rising cases in their countries especially since they had to host the Olympics. They did so flawlessly but also struggled in keeping things as stable as possible. They both hold guilt for putting their citizens in such a dangerous situation. Both end up doing a video game/anime marathon with the rest of the Otaku club over zoom. Kuro sets to work refining his swordsmanship skills and actually starts forging new ones. He's a great weaponsmith! Kiku also takes the time to practice his calligraphy. They're the one's who'd have anime playing in the background or their cat, Japaneko, getting in the way.

And last but not least, the ones who started it all, the Chinese: Yao continually works around the clock trying to analyze the bad and how the pandemic got out of hand. Xiao ends up being the one who actually started this because he dared the guy to at the soup. He feels a lot of guilt over this and, in a rare showing of maturity from him, is also working by Yao to fix his mistake that not only risked his and everyone else's people but also killed so many. The pandemic will likely be one of their greatest shames. On a lighter note, Yao can't figure out how zoom works and Xiao likes programming troll hacks into the computer to mess with him.

[hey-hamlet]

i would like To Hear The Aus for this other fandom

Its Mo Dao Zu Shi and I have two (well defined, anyway) - one is really stupid on the surface but works surprisingly well, the other looks normal on the surface but is actually really stupid. It’s my brand, I think. Enjoy? 

Princess in a Tower AU 

I want to lie and say this isn’t heavily inspired by the Shrek musical, if only to save my own dignity, but I can’t. It’s is. The musical slaps, ok?? It slaps real hard. The soundtrack on spotify is missing a few of the newer songs added in the broadway run but listen to Who I’d Be, I Think I got You Beat and When Words Fail to get what I mean - it fits well ok!!

So- Farquaard is Meng Yao. He may be the leader of Lanling Jin, but he’s still the bastard son of a prostitute. He’s grabbed his power through sheer stubbornness and a hard line anti mythical creature stance – he needs to consolidate it. What better way than the prince trapped in the cursed compound in Yilling? Not only would be gain power in his own right, wedded to son of the late emperor, he’d have Yunmeng Jiang in his debt. The Emperor was the sect leader’s sworn brother and their children played together before Wei Ying was trapped when he was seven. Perfect.

I was originally gonna have Lan Zhan be the princess but no it fits Wei Ying better - in the musical Shrek is emotionally constipated and bad with words. He has a whole song about it, it’s really cute.

So, Meng Yao needs somewhere to dump the creatures he’s rounded up because he doesn’t have the political sway yet to order executions. So they pick a mountain far enough away that its no longer Lanling’s problem and dump everyone there. Complication – a demon named Lan Zhan lives there and he’s really really not happy about the company. It’s customary in his family for children to be sent away from their family at a young age – he’s been living on his own since he was a child, excluding weekly visits from his older brother and rarer still, visits from his uncle. When he finds out someone is at fault for ruining his peace and quiet he all but storms down the mountain to make them fix it.

Nie Huaisang is Donkey, but he's actually a scrawny little dragon repeatedly mistaken for a lizard. He does very little to convince people otherwise. His brother is the dragon guarding Wei Ying, Meng Yao sent him feral. The Nie were a well respected family of dragons – turning Nie Mingjue feral was the start of his crusade against “monsters”.

bc,,, scrawny 'lizard' nie huaisang driving lwj to distraction on their epic one day quest to get his mountain back. He’s the biggest nightmare. Nie Huaisang was masterminded this whole thing.

This whole AU is mostly here because I saw the line "would love wei ying in any body" used in like 8 fics and I need an excuse to use it here.

 Anyway, Monster Lan Zhan who lives on a mountain, and is convinced its better for him to be alone because he’s cursed and scary and doesn't need people anyway with Wei Ying falling in love with this man on fucking sight after he saves him from the cursed grounds he’s been trapped in since his parents died. His parent's energy cursed the grounds to keep him safe when they died (murdered, by order of Jin Guangshan) – it also ‘cursed’ him to take a monstrous form at night to keep him safe. It’s admittedly not really much of a curse, and it will break when he finally feels truly safe.

And then Wei Ying gets insecurities because hes "a monster" but,,, so is Lan Zhan and he's the kindest, best man he's ever met.

City Kid AU

I might, maybe, just a little, miss University. (I might be going back to get a vet science degree anyway so I doubt I’ll miss it for long). This AU is 100% a product of that. 

The Jiangs own an agricultural university so they are stupid rich but work with animals - Jiang Cheng is getting a vet science degree, paid for by his parents. Wei Ying wants to get an animal sciences degree so he can work in biotech and in labs and he's gifted with chemistry, but madam yu insists he needs to pay for his own degree so he's been working at the uni in whatever job they'll give him

Lan Zhan kinda knows ab the animal science guy who attends none of the lectures he's meant to and sneaks into vet lectures but doesn't really interact with him until 3rd yeah when they have their animal handling labs

then Wei Ying effortlessly flips a sheep and pets its disgruntled face and Lan Zhan falls in love instantly

Wei Ying has been pining over this boy since he saw the bunnies on his phone case - outrageously expensive phone paired with a dirt-cheap snap on case with felted rabbits on it. very clearly an impulse buy. its amazing.

 Lan Zhan signing up to help milk the cows at 4am. at first it was bc he gets up at that time anyway so it really wasn’t any skin off his back and he figured he might as well do something productive with him time but his supervisor is Wei Ying who teases him and gives him gross cow milk facts that make him vegan times 10 but he’s never fussed or complained once.

TL;DR: Lan Zhan is just a pathetic city boy head over heels for the hot guy who loves animals

 Wei Ying is still scared of dogs here but he has like,,, a handle on it. mostly. If he knows there is going to be a dog, he's fine. if it tries to bite him, he can deal with it but he will go have a breakdown after. if he doesn't know there is going to be a dog there is a solid chance he'll have a panic attack.

 ooooo Jiang Cheng is mad and thinks Wei Ying is goofing off with all the "jobs" and not committing to a degree because Wei Ying can't bring himself to tell him that madam yu cut him off the day he turned 18. Jiang Fengmian doesn't know either. Wei Ying just,,, assumes he does and agrees with madam Yu

wei ying who doesn't eat more than 2 meals a day because he's too busy and the wens down the hall from him have even less than he does

okay but Wei Ying not having enough money for groceries and Lan Zhan giving him a meal ticket to “”go collect some food for him”” and when he comes back oh Wei Ying i’m sorry i already ate. oh well. u can keep that.

he cooks food for his floor on meeting nights and basically empties out his part of the fridge just to see everyone smile. 

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

My So Called Rise Against Life

All lyrics written and owned by Rise Against

No band, not even AFI, sings the soundtrack of the last 20 years of my life like Rise Against has. I was dragged to my first Rise Against show by Emily. Emily, the suicide girl, quite possibly the hottest girl in Corpus Christi, barely 5'1 and 98 pounds soaking wet, covered in tattoos and with Angelina Jolie's lips. To this day I cannot imagine why a girl who looked like that wanted to hang with me. I had never been to a gig at that little club called The Underground where the disenfranchised youth of Corpus Christi congregated. This was the very cusp of my punk rock midlife crisis and I went in scared to death because I'd heard concerts of this nature were violent.

At this point I was already considering the decision to become straightedge. I was curious but knew little about it. The sum of my knowledge was this: two of the guys in AFI were, and the guy at the mall was. The memory of this guy never leaves me. Like a stray dog with a tennis ball, catching a welcoming scent on the air, then chasing after a passing stranger who never looked down, I chased after him and each year I spent in that fruitless pursuit felt like seven. His friendship I would never win, but he would remain on the outskirts of my life, like the brass ring I reached for again and again only to fall on my face. I would see him that night too, but I didn't know this when Em invited me out. It was billed as a hardcore show. I had no idea what hardcore was back then, I just assumed it meant a rough crowd of millitant straightedge vegans that would have a sixth sense that I wasn't one of them and chase me out the doors. Rise Against was headlining and an equally unknown band called Avenged Sevenfold was opening. I'd never heard of either. Emily wanted me to go and I wanted to get out of the house for the night so it wasn't that hard for her to twist my arm in the matter. I met her at her apartment which was filth ridden, with drug paraphernalia everywhere, a wall size Misfits poster that took up the entire SIDE of her apartment, and electric guitars propped next to skateboards. As she slipped out of her clothes and into something slinky much to my viewing pleasure, she pointed me to her freezer with a purloined bottle of tropical Schnapps from the liquor store she was working for. Toasting in miniature tea cups I downed the bright blue liquid. I remember it so well, the frost covered bottle, cold in my hand, the electric blueness pouring into what looked like a child's tea party set up. This wasn't the last drink I would take, that would come two months later, yet I remember every detail of the experience. Suited up in skimpiness, we were off to the races. We hauled ass in Emily's SUV and she sat behind the wheel, dwarfed by it's hugeness and her smallness, joint in hand, careening down the expressway and swerving around orange construction barrels. As we exited into the worst part of town I had ever seen I must have looked uneasy. She turned to me and proudly exclaimed "Don't worry, I know this place! I used to score crack here!" We walked in and the first person I saw was the straightedge boy, who was taking money at the door. It was a good sign of things to come. It would also mean I would completely ignore Avenged Sevenfold's set in s stupid quest to get his attention long enough to make conversation. But Em was a champ, she stayed with me through the whole thing. In fact, I don't remember having the guts to say a word. She talked to him, I watched him talking to her and twenty feet away M. Shadows was screaming his sexy, tattooed, egotistical lungs out but I was utterly oblivious. From there we went to the merch booth where Em bought me an Avenged Sevenfold poster that I kept for years on my wall before finally giving it away right on the cusp of actually starting to listen to them. She also bought me a Rise Against patch that is still on my Dickies bag today though it is nothing more than a mess of black thread. We wandered over to the PETA booth, watched some gruesome videos, signed up for mail and picked up a cookbook I would later use to make one of the mall kids a vegan birthday cake. Then Emily spied someone she knew and I followed her over, still looking suspiciously through the crowd sure someone was just going to come up and punch me for no apparent reason. Still following, I watched as she struck up a conversation with this cute guy in glasses. I politely listened in as they talked about how they haven't seen each other since Warped Tour. For the life of me I can't remember what they talked about. I was distracted by a guy that looked like Davey Havok. Their conversation muffled to a drone until the guy looked at his watch and said "Oh crap!! I need to be on

stage! I'll talk to after the show!" and it was at that moment I realized Emily had been talking to Joe Principe of Rise Against. This was our cue as well though there was already too much of a crowd to get near the front. There were maybe one hundred people there and Tim held every one in the palm of his hand. I was amazed. I had never heard them before in my life so I can't tell you the set list but I knew from that time on I wanted to hear more. At the end Emily and I waited at the stage to talk to Tim. I had no idea what to say so I just shook his hand and now I wish I had held on a little longer. Emily got a shirt signed and talked to him for a while. Again I was too preoccupied with the AFI look-alikes in the crowd that I wasn't paying much attention. To this day I wonder if the dude I thought looked like Davey was actually Zacky Vengeance. I'll never know for sure. Soon enough Joe was with us again and he and Emily were engaged in conversation when he turned to me and said "Did that hurt?" I had NO idea what he was talking about, I was too overwhelmed by his very presence. I actually thought he was pointing past me to the PETA booth and I stupidly sputtered "What KFC is doing to chickens?" I swear to god when I'm miserable and in need of cheering up sometimes all it takes to make me smile is thinking "Hey, Joe laughed at my joke." The night drew to an end, Emily went out with the band, and being married, I went home. Next to singing a line with Dave Peters of Throwdown, that first night with Rise Against was the best night of the last ten years of my life. The next time I would see Rise Against they would be back in Corpus, opening for Bad Religion. This happened during what I call "The Emo Dave Era". I met Dave because of Rise Against. He was a little emo boy wearing a Rise Against shirt, skipping school at the mall. I stopped him and asked him about it and well that was it, he just kept coming around. I would end up knowing him for five years and eventually hiring him to work for me. By the second time they came to town Siren Song of The Counterculture was out and I remember bragging to Dave that if it was any other band I would have just downloaded it, but for them I would actually spend my hard earned money. I remember DRINKING in the songs, trying so hard to memorize all of the tracks before the gig hit. I remember the second Rise Against gig for many reasons. It was the first gig I went to alone at a time I was in the grip of panic attacks whenever I had to be in wide open spaces by myself. Two of my "mall daughters" met me at the gates and stayed with me the whole night. I remember that. I remember Dave hitting the merch table before me and buying me Rise Against stickers that I regarded like they were jewels and kept them in some special place until I hid them so well I hid them from myself. Dave and I and the girls were in the front row together, and sadly none of them I am in contact with now. Not only that, but Dave and one of the girls I was up front with would end up working for me and stealing over $1300 from my business during their tenure as my employees. Years from knowing this though we happily stood side by side and sang along for the whole set. What I remember most about that second gig was standing in front of Joe and when he sang "Single file like soldiers on a mission." I saluted him and he saluted back. Tim was wearing the exact same shirt he wore at the first gig but I was probably the only one to notice it. And when Tim asked "Who was here at our first gig when only 20 people showed up?" I proudly raised my hand. All the memorizing I did was pretty much for naught because I was so excited to be in the front row I damn near forgot every word to every song, but for some reason I knew every word to 1,000 Good Intentions. The first Rise Against show was in August, I can't tell you the date of the second one. I made my commitment to becoming straightedge sometime between December and January. I don't know the exact date because I was so scared about the whole

thing I kept it to myself "You're the new revolution The angst filled adolescent You fit the stereotype well..."

.All I know for sure was that I'd been edge several months by the second Rise Against gig at Concrete Street in Corpus. he second Rise Against gig also brings to mind another phantom of my past: a girl I was close to named Amanda (not the Amanda I went to Warped Tour w/, that Amanda I've always called Di because her screen name was Dionysus). This was Amanda's first night aout after being kidnapped and raped. Her parents were druggies and didn't want the cops involved so the guys who did it just got away with it and I'd see them at the mall all the time afterward and I couldn't do shit. It was her and her big sister who met me at the gates and stayed with me all night. I loved those girls. . . . Again, digressing. From First To Last opened and we spent the whole set talking about how much they looked like AFI. I ended up leaving the gig early, going to the house of one of them who still lived with his folks, ringing the doorbell and leaving a note in the mail box that said 'YOUR SON RAPES LITTLE GIRLS----just thought you should know'. It didn't really help anything but it made me feel better. During this mindlessly courageous time I was blinded by my commitment. I jumped into being edge with a fervor reserved for things like joining the Hari Krishnas or Jehovah's Witnesses. It was a complete make over of every idea I'd ever held. I didn't know a great deal but once I found it, I knew it was all I had been looking for. The only other person I actually knew who was edge was the straightedge boy, who now had become god-like in my mind. He was the first face of straightedge for me, the ideal, the standard, the one thing I felt I had to live up to. Sadly, by this time he was long gone, moving away from the mall where we worked and on to better things. This fact only drove me forward in a Holy Grail level quest to find him. When he was there I was terrified of speaking to him and then when he wasn't I kicked myself for not having the courage. I was sure that if I did make my way to him, he could impart some knowledge, some advice that would make my whole solitary experience make sense. The soundtrack of that quest was Blood to Bleed: "Steps I take in your footsteps Aren't getting me closer to what is left of the dreams of what I once claimed to know Within my bones this resonates...." Within weeks of each other three amazing things happened: Ceci, my best friend Amanda(Dionysus) and I went to Warped Tour to see AFI and in the process saw Rise Against as well. Then The Sufferer and the Witness came out, and at the same time Jadey and Ceci came to visit me in Corpus for quite possibly the most idyllic summer of my life. It was that summer we saw Rise Against for the third time. At that Warped Tour again we were in front of Joe, and again when Tim sang "Single file like soldiers on a mission... " we saluted Joe and he saluted us back and it was like a little piece of heaven fell to earth, the moment was so perfect. The set was

short because it was Warped Tour but we didn't care. We were together, we loved each other and we sang along with every song we knew. Sufferer and Witness came out in July right in time for Warped Tour and the girls coming down for a visit. I remember this so well because I had a cd of the straightedge boy's band and it seemed so important for me to play it for Jadey and Ceci. Do you remember that line in The Lost Boys: "Now you know what we are, now you know what you are." ? That was how it felt for me, this romanticized notion that my edge was not my own and it was all owing and belonged to someone else. I wanted to be able to trace it like a family tree to say, if I had not met him I would not have found out about AFI, I would not have made my committment, we would have never met, so therefore the life and friendship we have shared has all traced back to THIS. Well, they weren't all that impressed. I have a very clear memory of us being outside the Sonic Drive In and Jadey asking me "Please turn that noise off and put in something else." That something else was the The Sufferer And The Witnessand it stayed in the player for the rest of the trip. Ready To Fall was the song that defined the next year, much later, that I made my edge my own. In my journey I had looked to so many others for advice or reassurance or validation. I did this because I didn't believe in myself. I thought I was weak and sought in others what would make me strong. Sometimes I received it, like messages sent back and forth the guys in Throwdown and the near religious experience of seeing them live all the times I have, of singing a line with Dave, shaking his hand. Most of the time though my search was in vain. I remember very clearly seeking out help online. One guy told me I would never know who I was until I went to a hardcore show. This wasn't exactly bad advice, hardcore shows had the most amazing energy flowing through them and it did feel good to be surrounded by like minded people. The only thing I really learned about myself through going to hardcore shows was that if God had wanted me to hardcore dance, He would not have given me boobs. There was another guy who told me only the most insecure person would EVER wear a straightedge shirt out in public and if you were sincere about it, you'd keep it to yourself. I thought that guy was nuts. The whole POINT of being edge to me was proving I was not like the idiots around me. "With your eyes Glazed and half-smiled Explain to me the details of your God-given right You point your finger In my face but You can't remember what you did last night" I asked another guy what to do if I was tempted to drink again and he told me if I was tempted I was never really straightedge to begin with and I should just do the scene a favor and kill myself already. Then there were the kids that thought I was just the bees knees and were coming to ME for advice. I had no idea what to tell these kids, but I wasn't about to tell them not to wear sXe gear or kill themselves. Because of my own search for answers I refused to turn any kid away. One day they were telling me I was their hero and begging for advice, the next they were telling me I was out of my mind and to get lost. It took a good four years before I learned not to believe them in either case. "This could be my great awakening But how would I know when it's all noise to me? Are these words falling on deaf ears?" Right in the middle of this I had the good fortune to meet a guy named Chris X from Philly. He neither worshipped nor ignored me. He was simply THERE. I have the most vivid memory of this one morning. I had the same dream about the straightedge boy only this time I stepped out and stopped him and asked him if the hormones levels in milk made people more aggressive the way steroids did and asked if I should stop drinking it. Why this popped into my head I will never know. As usual the alarm rang before the blurry form opened his mouth and imparted wisdom. I woke up at 5 am and suddenly HAD to know

the answer to the question. It happened that Chris X was up too. I contacted him and he took the time out of his morning to discuss this with me completely out of the blue. I don't know why this sticks out in my memory but it does: Him being up at five am and taking an hour out of his morning to answer some moronic question from a girl he didn't know and being so nice about it. He is still edge, we are still friends and he is still there when I need him. He is the exception to the rule. Friends fell away and I remained steadfast, yet alone. Slowly though there came the time when I realized I needed to look no further than in the mirror. It wasn't like this was a new thing. I was told this many times and yet I never believed it. Right about this time Rise Against released Ready To Fall: "But here in this moment like the eye of the storm It all came clear to me I found a shoulder to lean on An infallible reason to live all by itself I took one last look from the heights that I once loved And then I ran like hell" The heights I once loved were ego driven, the compulsion to wear a straightedge shirt every day and X's for every gig and dare anyone to tell me otherwise. It was that romanticized notion of my edge,--that it hadn't been mine and all I was, was owed to someone else. It was as if I believed someone had physically stood between me and a fridge full of alcohol that first year and kept me from it. Or that someone had been there to comfort me when my husband was drunk or in a bad mood and was calling me names or throwing me around because I dared come home with a book of Marxist writing or simply did not shut up and go along or renounce my beliefs. I healed myself, I comforted myself and I did almost all of it completely alone. It was slow in dawning but it finally came to me that I was the only one I had to inspire or impress, and my own approval was all I needed. This revelation was scored by every track on Sufferer and Witness. The fourth time I saw Rise Against, I met Ceci in Austin to see them at Stubb's. Stubb's BBQ is a grand place to see any band because if you get there early enough, you can have lunch on the balcony while watching the band's sound check. We found this out the first time we went there, seeing The Rollins Band open up for X. Going to the Rise Against show I told myself "It's not big deal, I've seen them three times before, I'm just going to kick back and eat and enjoy the sound check" but as soon as Tim and Joe took the stage I could barely consume a thing I was so overwhelmed. As we waited in line after lunch for the doors to reopen, I met Ceci's brother Jordan who is, wildly enough, still my friend. Jordan. He hovers on the edges of my life, always there with a kind word whether I actually deserved it or not. He is the only good thing to come out of my friendship with Ceci. Evergreen Terrace opened that show and we were right in front of the guy in the Straightedge Soldier tshirt and that and a brilliant cover of "Mad World" was all I remembered of their set. Circa Survive came on next and Ceci and I took turns booing them and flipping them off. Not that they were necessarily bad, but we were in no mood to entertain the mopey emo set at that point. Soon we were all piled together up front, again in front of Joe. I didn't get to salute him at that gig. Ceci's arms were too tightly around me. Ceci, her girlfriend Grace, Jordan and my husband were tangled in a sea of arms, so tightly that I wasn't sure of whose hand I was holding most of the night. Though by that time I was perfectly comfortable in my commitment, Blood to Bleed still only reminded me of one person and Ceci knew this. I felt she understood me then, I felt she was one of the very few who knew me best. Beside me was my husband, but in my heart was a dream of someone else, of someone who shared my commitment and my ideals, a dream of an idea more than a person, the perfect guy/relationship/life I would never have. Two months later I would find out my husband was seeing a girl from work

that had got him hooked on heroin. Two months later he would come to where I worked and attack me in front of multiple witnesses and when called, the police would do nothing. Two months later I would sit sobbing in the back of a police car because I was too afraid to go into my own apartment and get my things. When responding to my call the enormous officer would glare down at me and say "Why are you afraid to walk in your own home? Are you on drugs or are you just retarded?" Instead of accompanying me inside to get my things they would search me for drugs. Two months later I would realize why Henry Rollins hated cops so much. Two months later. after ten years together, I would leave my husband. I did not know any of this then. All I knew was that in that instant my heart was bleeding inside of me for want of some friendship I would never have, the one thing I believed would make my life complete. It was that friendship, that idea of a person, of perfection, of everything I wanted myself and my life to be, that seemed like the holy grail of the second part of my life. Looking back, maybe it held value only because it was unobtainable. I had not yet learned to find it in myself so I sought it so furiously in a stranger. So, with the ridiculously angelic vision of the first straightedge boy I ever met in my head, and my unfaithful husband beside me, in that crowd at Stubb's, Rise Against tore into Blood To Bleed. It was our first time to hear it live together as they had not played it at Warped Tour. Ceci looked down at me, wrapped her arms around me and held me tight because she knew exactly who I was thinking of and why. As she held on to me with one hand and ran a hand through my hair, we both screamed out those lyrics that had haunted me and driven me on for years. "This place rings with echos of lives once lived, but now are lost Times spent wondering about tomorrow I don't care if we lose it all tonight Up in flames, burning bright.... Within my bones this resonates Boiling blood will circulate Could you tell me again what you did this for?" And just like I was blind to what was about to erupt with my husband I was just as blind to time bomb ticking inside of Ceci that would turn her into a complete stranger the next time we met, at the very same place it would turn out. Had I known that this was the last time she would hold my hand and sing with me and look down on me with love and empathy in her eyes, I would not have wasted my sorrow in grieving for a friendship that never was and instead would have known to grieve for the real friendship I was losing. I should have grieved for hers, but in retrospect, it was no more real than the idea of the one I chased after so fruitlessly. "I don't love you anymore is all I remember you telling me never have I felt so cold But I've no more blood to bleed Cuz my heart has been draining into the sea...." And the strange footnote to that day, that time, that moment of hope and loss and all that was to come is this: Even though his friendship I never actually earned, in his status of a wise, polite stranger, that straightedge boy I never really knew was far more civil than Ceci. His responses, however short they were, however long it took to get them, were genuine. It is such a small thing, his honesty, yet it is more than I can say for ninety percent of the people I've known in the last several years. Another song we sang together that night was Prayer of the Refugee. I had no idea then but that song was about to describe my life. "We are the angry and desperate The hungry and the cold We are the ones who kept quiet and always did what we were told But we've been sweating while you slept so calm in the safety of your homes We've been pulling at the nails that hold up everything you own."

The split with my husband was brutal. First I had to deal with police that didn't care, who told me at one point "Well, if he tries to kill you, call us back, otherwise there's nothing we can do. He's your husband and he has the same right to live here as you do." Thanks to the police not doing anything, I was thrown out of the apartment I had paid for for ten years. The battered women's shelter was full and I would have found myself homeless had it not been for my friend Lilo. Suddenly I was having to start from scratch and then, upon finding a place, having to pack up ten years worth of my life and move it all by myself. "I hit the ground and I'm still running but I need a place to stay tonight I swear I'll be gone in the morning I just need some place warm to close my eyes." Every day I worked until the afternoon, went home and packed until 2 am, fell asleep until 5 am and then got up and did it all again. Then once I was packed I had to move it all. I can't remember why I didn't ask for help but I moved it all alone except for the bed, entertainment center and tv. "The drones all slave away They're working overtime They serve a faceless queen They never question why Disciples of a god That neither lives nor breathes But we've got bills to pay Yeah we've got mouths to feed I won't go back..." This was such a strange time. There was no way to hide what was going on: my husband came to where I worked and jumped me in front of everyone there, I had to tell my boss "My husband kicked me out and I'm homeless at the moment, could I possibly get my check a day or two early to put a deposit down on an apartment?" and I had to own up to the fact that I was straightedge and my husband was a heroin addict. "We're broken but still breathing We are wounded but we are healing We pick up right where we left off Breathe on the ashes that remain So that these coals may become fire To guide our way.." This made my life suddenly seem a really bad B movie. There was nothing to do but go on. I would have asked myself "What would that straightedge guy do in this situation?" if I'd had any idea. Instead I asked "What would Dave Peters of Throwdown do?" and of course the obvious answer was "punch something". As much as I wanted to, I couldn't do that. However, I knew for sure what he wouldn't do and that was curl up in a ball and cry. So I didn't do that either. It was a such horrible time and yet when I look back all I remember is my own strength and the exhilaration I felt when I finally left. "So give me the drug Keep me alive Give me what's left of my life Don't let me go... Pull this plug, let me breathe On my own, I'm finally free..."

Lilo and Di swore I looked great, like I had suddenly gotten 10 years younger. They said I was glowing, but unless I had come in contact with radium I certainly didn't see how. I remember thinking "Well hell, maybe the Socialists were right. Maybe 16 hour days are the way to salvation." "Wake me up inside Tell me there's a reason To take another step To get up off my knees and, Follow this path of most resistance. And where ever it takes us, Whatever it faces and wherever it leads" As I came into my own power, the straightedge boy who had loomed so god-like over the first years of my commitment shrank back down to human size. Deep down I still hoped that if he was to know of all I had gone through he would be a little proud of me for surviving with my integrity intact. But if he didn't, well that was okay too. Survive I did, survive I continue to. "Somewhere between happy, and total fucking wreck Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge To spend your waking moments, simply killing time Is to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your... Life for you, has been less than kind So take a number, stand in line We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt But how we survive, is what makes us who we are" When I had my own place and my own life again, to celebrate I bought myself a Christmas present: a tattoo of a sparrow carrying brass knuckles in her beak. It reminded me of this lyric that had been echoing in my head the whole time: "And if strength was born from heartbreak Then mountains I could move If walls could speak I pray that they would tell me what to do." I enjoyed more than six months of solitude in my cozy little apartment on Airline. I filled my weekends with walks on the beach, solitary shopping excursions for meatless dinners, and nights were spent at the House of Rock and the Underground watching bands, enjoying the freedom of staying out without getting yelled at or called names. I spent Christmas alone on Lilo's floor stuffing myself with processed cheeseballs and watching movies. It was my first UnChristmas. The Jehovah's Witnesses would have been proud! "Warm yourself by the fire, son, And the morning will come soon. I’ll tell you stories of a better time, In a place that we once knew. Before we packed our bags And left all this behind us in the dust, We had a place that we could call home, And a life no one could touch."

But I am flawed and cowed and crippled by the Christian concept of forgiveness. And by the time I would be seeing Rise Against again, my husband would be back by my side. In West Texas his mom had ran him through the MHMR system, let them start him on 7 different drugs, ---including three different tranquilizers and pills for hallucinations and seizures, which he never once had,--- used him to get on welfare, disability, and Medicare. Once he's served the purpose, she called a friend in the sheriff's department and had him pulled from her house, drugged out of his mind on meds at the time, and stuck on a bus to Corpus Christi. The Glasscock County Sherriff's Department called me at work to TELL me "Your husband is on a bus to Corpus, he'll be there at two am. He's your responsibility now." On the bus, because of his state of stupor, he was robbed of everything but his clothes and as much as I wanted to just shove him into the closest homeless shelter, I couldn't. Had it been me, as unlikely as that would be, I would want someone to have compassion. "We are the children you reject and disregard These aching cries come from the bottom of our hearts You can't disown us now, we are your own flesh and blood And we don't disappear just because your eyes are shut" I took him in. At first it was easy. Thanks to the drugs he was sleeping 18 hours a day. Finally I started to investigate what they had him on, what he could do without and how to get him back to normal. I'm not sure how I did it, but I weened him off of every drug he was on. At first it was out of necessity since I was making too much money for him to stay on state sponsored help and he'd have run out eventually. Looking back though, had he sustained that amount of drug intake for long he would have probably died. So he was back for good and conversely Ceci and Jadey and nearly every other friend I had at the time would have turned their backs on me and flocked to other, cooler individuals. All those kids that convinced me they would have killed themselves, starved themselves, cut themselves to shreds, OD'ed, etc had they not met me, who all imposed their problems and lives on mine for five years or more and took up every spare moment of my time and every inch of my heart all turned 18 at once. In turning 18 they realized they knew it all and I was no longer worth their time. "And if you think your words will ever make a difference Think again and carry on..." My husband and I are still together, but all those friends are long gone. I wish I could say he gave up all his demons, but he didn't. He simply traded the big ones for a myriad of lesser evils. He will never be straightedge. And though he claims to be proud of me, to this day he is convinced, utterly falsely, I am hiding some secret affair with the straightedge boy from years ago. I sat him down one day and asked "Do you get that we are straightedge? Do you get that in being straightedge we could not possibly cheat on our significant others and remain straightedge? Do you get that no matter how much he influenced me I barely knew him and he barely gave me the time of day? Do you get that what you are accusing me of is utterly impossible?”

Despite his insistence on this, the idea doesn't bother him enough for him to give up his own addictions and become edge himself. He no longer asks me to change and he is no longer violent, thank god. I no longer ask him to change, though I pray every day he will. We have been together for twenty years now and I have never been with anyone else. This doesn't keep me from dreaming of some nice sXe man who shares my ideals. But I think of it much like I imagine racing on the autobahn, knowing it will never actually happen and knowing I’d never do it even if I could. "We live on front porches and swing life away We get by just fine here on minimum wage If love is a labor I'll slave til the end..." Things in my life settled down for a bit as we prepared to see the boys again at Stubb's BBQ. Through myspace I found my friend Linda that I had not spoken to in fifteen years. As we sat on the balcony at Stubb's I kept one eye on the stage and the other on the door waiting to see her again. When she walked through the doors it was like the last fifteen years never even happened and instantly we picked up right where we left off and again were tearing through Austin with her at the wheel like we had so many times in the past. Because of this joyful reunion I was not first in line when the doors opened, I was buying rainbow necklaces in the gay shops in town and snickering over whether the guy behind the counter was flirting with my husband or not. - That was a strange memory for me, being in the very back of the audience for once, singing alone as Aaron sat on a rock and read a Robert Jordan novel. I was happy to be there, the music was incredible, but the feeling was all wrong. I was isolated and alone, in the back row with my fist raised and Aaron tugging at my arm every other song asking "What song is this? Do I know this one?". I wondered if Ceci was there in the front row, holding on to someone else and convincing them she would have killed herself if they hadn't come into her life. I imagined others in the front row, in our place, saluting Joe, singing our songs while I was the interloper that did not belong anymore. We walked out of the sold out show before the encore, a long drive home facing us. Aaron never lets me stay for the encores. He always wants to hit the road. As we walked to the car, with Worth Dying For wafting through the air above us, I blew a kiss to the wind and told Ceci goodbye. "Feel me rise in the strength I've found inside the warm embracing air Like a glacier melting watch me dissipate I searched for love in an empty world but all I found was hate" It was the lyrics of Rise Against that echoed in my head when I sat down to read the words of Marx and Lenin for the first time as a whole other world opened up for me. It was Rise Against that drove me on as I worked sixty hour weeks. "We're losing daylight but I can't work any faster Under the veil of dust we go on..." Their lyrics saw me through every major event of the last several years of my life. Appeal to Reason was released in the Fall of 2008 and though the year found me miserably poor and unemployed, I still bought it the day it came out. It was on my mp3 player and as I sat in the welfare office applying for food stamps I would hear the lyrics "Despite these petty fortunes we still can't afford a life...." for the first time and I would pause a moment just for the whole zeitgeist effect of it. For Christmas of 2008 I received an email from Ceci after a year and a half of ignoring my every attempt at contacting her. I had tried everything, even terribly childish measures to get some kind of reaction but every letter---first polite, then angry, then groveling-- every call, email, and package was met with silence. A year and a half passed and then I got the email saying "I got the new Rise Against and it made me realize how much I loved and missed you and loved AFI and I want to be friends again. I know you can't forgive me but can we be friends again? There's this song on that new Rise Against that

reminds me of you." True to the bond we had once held there was certainly a song on the new Rise Against that reminded me of us too: "Identities assume us as nine and five add up Synchronizing watches To the seconds that we lost I looked up and saw you I know that you saw me We froze but for a moment In empathy I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug" This was exactly what happened the last time we saw each other when she turned up her nose and pretended not to know who I was, just a week after sending me a letter saying how much she loved me. This led to the year plus of her not speaking to and ignoring all attempts at contact I made, even the immature ones. "And if you see me please just walk on by Walk on by Forget my name and I'll forget it too Failed attempts at living simple lives Simple lives Always keep me coming back to you." But too much time had passed and although that Christian weakness crippled me so with my husband, for once I stood strong and had no trouble in keeping the door to my heart shut. I told her not to contact me again. "I count the times that I've been sorry Now my compassion slowly drowns If there's a time these walls could guard you Then let that time be right now."

That doesn't mean that my mind does not still light to her like a bee to a flower, the years we were friends, that feeling of love and camaraderie and the bond I imagined we had. The last three Rise Against albums play the soundtrack of our friendship whenever I turn them on. When I play Appeal to Reason I wonder if this song reminds her of me:

"It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them" If I close my eyes I am there again in that Port Aransas condo, the night we met face to face after talking online for so long. We are huddled together in the bedroom sharing the earphones of a cd player listening to Placebo's Sleeping With Ghosts. I am pulling down the zipper of my boot and showing her three freshly razored X's cut into my ankle, the blood still stuck to a wad of tissue pressed between my sock and skin. She is crying and wrapping her arms around me and telling me she understands everything and that someday she will show me her scars too. "I'll show you mine If you'll show me yours first Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words..." She never did show me her scars. I wonder now if she even had any. There are lots of songs that transport me back then when she was my world. But now I know nothing about her nor anyone else I knew then was real and I wonder if that song ever reminds her of me and the way she led me to believe I was her lifeline, right up until the moment she cut me off and forgot me like a favorite toy after adolescence destroys the need for such playthings. "As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten ..." This is the music that accompanied my feet hitting the pavement of park sidewalks and treadmills, it is the melodies that buoyed me through endless work weeks and settled into the recesses of my heart in times of quiet contemplation. As I read words written years ago by writers we were never allowed to study in school, it is the soundtrack that played in my mind when those concepts began to make sense. When I read Ten Days that Shook the World by John Reed, what I was hearing in my head was

"but these ghosts come alive like water and wine walk through these streets singing songs and carrying signs, to them these streets belong.." As I struggled to understand the Communist Manifesto I was thinking to myself: "Unknowing, we lie and wait for the rain To wash away what they have made Face down in the dirt with your foot on my back In the distance I hear thunder crack C'mon Stand up! This system of power and privilege is about to come to an end Here come the clouds The first drop is falling down" I look back at many things and laugh. I remember when I was first looking for straightedge shirts I came upon one that said SUPPORT LEFTIST HARDCORE. I had no earthly idea what it meant and was way too scared to ask anyone. Now I can quote Trotsky. When I first turned edge I stopped eating meat for several months until my husband found out and started calling me a Communist. At the time it seemed like the worst thing in the world to be called. He still calls me a Communist but now with laughable results. I'll cock my head, say something to him in Russian, he'll mumble under his breath 'Yeah you only say that because you've had sex with the entire Communist party!", I'll roll my eyes and we go back to our common denominators of movie quotes, comic books, and making fun of people. I always loved the way the Russian alphabet looked and shortly after we were married I got a tramp stamp with his initials in Russian. He now claims it actually means "Welcome aboard, Comrade." I just laugh and we kid each other and life goes on. In the great Holy Grail of a search for wisdom that I thought could only come from the first straightedge boy I knew, I had one great fear: what if I found him again and he was no longer edge? I was terrified of this, sure that if he fell I would too, that if that touchstone was gone, all would be lost. This no longer worries me. I would be sad if it happened, but it would not affect my journey nor cause me to stumble because I have found my own way. It was hard way full of work, trial and error and pure blind luck. Maybe it would have been easier if things had gone differently and yet it is all mine and no one else's.

I have now seen Rise Against eight times each with its own small dramas, like when I was working for Job Corps, worked an 18 hour day, literally passed out in my car from low blood sugar and exhaustion—luckily before I had started the engine. I somehow made it home, downed two peanut butter sandwiches and went to the show where I had no energy to dance, but just stood there and sang.

The last show was the best in years for me. I was in the second row behind a little boy and his mom. His mom was my age and it was her son’s first concert. He was there to see NOFX. They put on an incredible show and I did my best to keep the crowd off the kid. As a reward, the mother gave me their spot and they went to the back when Rise Against came on. I had not been in the front row since that show with Ceci. I felt like I was twenty again. Rise Against is the music that scores ALL of this in my memory. It is the sound of hope and loss, of new directions and ideas, of the brass ring becoming just another small cog in the great, silent machinations of my soul. It is the music of discovering that the strength of the world lies inside my own heart. It is the sound of me walking away from what I loved, it is the joyous noise of friends you're certain is lost forever coming back to you. This is my so-called Rise Against life

[thefandomlesbian]

hotchreid and/or morcia for the ship ask!!

HotchReid:

Who eats breakfast food for dinner: Spencer.

Turns the radio volume up until their ears bleed: Aaron

Waves at random animals?: Neither, they don't particularly like animals.

Binge-watches shows until two in the morning: Spencer

Takes all the pillows: Spencer

Plays with rotating doors: Spencer (he's been decked by them on more than one occasion, but he thinks they're such a great visual stim that he doesn't mind)

Would fight with a sword if they could: Spencer

Forgets every little thing: Aaron

Loves the thought of a double-date: Neither of them, they both think that sounds like a unique form of hell.

Has to eat fast food three times a week: Spencer, because he can't cook for shit.

Enjoys hugs: They both claim not to and they both melt like little happy puppies when it is thrust upon them

Could kill with a stare when someone flirts with their partner: Aaron.

Remembers all the holidays and goes above and beyond on gifts: Aaron. Spencer remembers the holidays, but he is very accustomed to doing nothing and forgets that now he has a reason to care that it's Christmastime.

Would cosplay as their favorite character: Spencer can and will do it again.

Stares dreamily at their partner like they're the sun: Aaron, when he isn't under scrutiny. Spencer is not as good at hiding it, though.

Could fall and still look perfect: idk what to say, CBS gave us two relatively attractive guys, they look fine 🤷‍♀️

Loves pumpkin spice: Spencer. He spends years denying it until he tries it. Then Aaron is getting him his fix every morning for three months straight.

Would fight for their partner's honor: Aaron will absolutely put his fist through a window to prove that Spencer is cool and awesome and the best ever.

Morcia:

Eats breakfast food for dinner: Penelope

Turns the radio volume up until their ears bleed: Derek

Waves at random animals: Penelope

Binge-watches shows until two in the morning: This is something they do together. Penelope always conks out on Derek's shoulder by twelve thirty, though.

Takes all the pillows: Penelope

Plays with rotating doors: Derek, usually while trying to prank Spencer.

Would fight with a sword if they could: Derek. He's very much team "fencing is so lame, just fight like a man" until he sees Spencer showing Aaron a video of some fencing on youtube, and then he's like, I can be good at that, too! Penelope does not approve of his rampant sword purchases.

Forgets every little thing: Derek

Loves the thought of a double date: Penelope. She likes to show him off. But she spends all of her free time at work, and getting to go on dates with Spencer and Aaron is boring, because she's like, "Look! My hunk!" and they're like ... We know... We see him every day...

Has to eat fast food three times a week: Derek. He blames it on Penelope's vegetarianism but they both know it was something he did a long time before he was with her.

Enjoys hugs: Penelope. She will glomp any unwilling target.

Could kill with a stare if someone flirts with their partner: Penelope. Derek thinks Pen is cute when she gets all feisty when someone else flirts with her, but if someone flirts with Derek, Penelope has no problem sidling up onto his arm and showing exactly how important she is to him, and also hacking the offender's bank account without taking any money just to mildly inconvenience them in punishment.

Remembers the holidays and goes above and beyond on gifts: They both do this! Penelope's gifts tend to be a little more bawdy and less practical; Derek is used to buying for his mother and sisters, so he has a better idea of what women typically like. He does miss the mark sometimes, though, especially with cosmetics—anything from "I was having a really hard time picturing your skin tone in the store and I bought foundation that is either five shades too light or too dark for you" to "I accidentally bought cosmetics that fund puppies being murdered in cages and now you're crying"

Would cosplay as their favorite character: Penelope

Stares dreamily at their partner like they're the sun and the stars: Penelope. She's not very discreet.

Could fall and still look annoyingly perfect: Penelope.

Loves pumpkin spice: They both love pumpkin spice, but Derek's love for it is closeted. No one can know. Penelope begins to make great sacrifices... If they are where someone can see them or hear them, she'll order one black coffee and one pumpkin spice and specifically ask for identical cups (confusing baristas everywhere) and then will bring Derek one of them. Then she will proceed to choke on black coffee to protect his honor because coffee is gross but if she ordered two lattes, people would Know and he wouldn't like that. Eventually Spencer figures it out because when Penelope orders a pumpkin spice for herself, she always makes it vegan, and she doesn't do that when she's ordering for Derek.

Will fight for their partner's honor: Derek will fight physically. Penelope will destroy a person's life by stealing their identity, ruining their credit, wrecking job opportunities, and more. Once Derek told her a story about being hazed on the football team in college and he was in the trunk of a car, and the other boys said it stalled over train tracks and were outside pretending to be desperately trying to get him out. The car was actually parked right next to the train tracks and was meant to make him piss himself when the train went by as a joke. A few weeks after relaying this story, something he finds moderately amusing and still somewhat traumatizing in adulthood, he gets a weird message on Facebook from one of the guys, asking for money because his social security number, identity, bank account, and more were stolen, and now he has not a dime to his name and is facing eviction and has nowhere to go with his family. "Penelope. What did you do?"

She's innocent. "What did I do what?"

"What did you do to Roger's credit score?"

"Nothing he didn't deserve."

"He has a baby to feed."

"Well, he should've thought about that before he parked my boyfriend beside the train tracks in the trunk of a car."

"That was fifteen years ago!"

Penelope does feel bad and starts sending food to their residence. Only for the wife and kids, she tells herself. That dick totally deserves despondence, no matter what Derek says.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

unexpected chris motionless x reader

+++++++++ Request from @tiffanyamber1995 : "Chris motionless one shot where he comes home from a long tour and is tired of being single and he meets y/n."

this is not my best work but i really didnt know what else to write so sorry for that but i hope you like it anyway, its a little different but i think it works.

Song: friday im in love by the cure

tag list: @cynic-spirit​ @alilpunkrock @svintsandghosts @theoneandonlykymberlee @thisplace-ishaunted @musicsexandpizza69 +++++++++

I looked intently over the shelf in front of me. I was in desperate need of groceries but was also hungry so going to the store was probably a bad idea. Right now was prime time for impulse buys but I couldn't decide which cookies I wanted, Oreos or nutter butters. I heard a sigh from behind me, shaking me from my thoughts and realizing someone was waiting for me. I made a quick minute decision, stepping to the side and reaching for the Oreos. Just as I was grabbing for them someone elses hand came crashing into mine, finally making me look up at the stranger.

"Sorry."

We both said at the same time, making me smile bashfully at him. I pulled my hand away to scratch the back of my neck.

"Uh, go ahead I think I'm still deciding."

He smiled at me as he took the pack and tucked it under his arm, shifting the case of vanilla coke in his other hand.

"Can't decide between regular or double stuff?"

He asked, joking a little bit. I let out a quick laugh at his comment.

"If only it where that easy. No my heart says Oreos but my brain says nutter butter."

He nodded in understanding, glancing quickly at what I already had in my cart. It wasn't much but it was almost period week so I was stocking up on a few favorites.

"Hey, why not both?"

I snorted a bit.

"I definitely don't think I need both."

He shrugged, side nodding.

"If you're worried about not being able to eat them all yourself I could gladly offer my services."

He said with a smile. Okay, so he was cute and clever.

"If I get both can I take you up on that offer?"

He laughed a little bit.

"If you'd like."

i smiled bashfully at him.

"Both it is then."

I said grabbing a pack of each and placing them in my cart. he had a wide smile on his face before reaching into his pocket.

"Here, wanna give me your number? I'll text you."

I nodded taking his phone from him and texting myself.

"And what am I saving you as kind sir?"

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh right, I'm Chris. And you are, y/n?"

He said looking down as his text history. I nodded.

"That I am, and it's nice to meet you Chris."

I said holding my hand out for him to shake.

"Likewise."

°°°°°°°°°

When the day finally came I was super nervous. Chris and I had been chatting for almost a week before deciding on a day for him to come over for a "date." Neither of us wanted to do anything crazy so we agreed on an at home picnic and movie type thing. It was nice in theory but it also meant that I had to speed clean my house and get food, now knowing he was vegan, or at the very least vegetarian. i wiped my hands on the towel before hearing a knock at my door. i took in a deep breath as i walked to the door and opened it. in front of me was chris, smiling widely and holding a small bouquet of flowers.

"what a nice surprise."

i said, taking them as he handed them over.

"i know you said you werent really a fan of fancy things but i thought itd be a nice gesture. after all you did insist i didnt bring anything but myself."

i laughed a little bit as i let him in, id always been the host type and hated making people do stuff i could do myself. in this case it was cooking and entertaining.

"its much appreciated, these are beautiful."

"well i did think of you when i was picking them out."

his words made me blush as i lead us both into the kitchen, getting a vase down and filling it with water.

"do you mind if i arrange these before we get started with the movie?"

he sat at one of the bar stools on the other side of the counter.

"be my guest."

i unwrapped the rubber band on them and slid them out of the plastic.

"i got everything out so if you wanna start eating youre more than welcome."

i said picking up a strawberry and popping it into my mouth, sending him a reassuring smile as i cut the stems of the flowers to fit in the vase.

"you really went above and beyond."

he said looking over what i had made. i wouldnt necessarily say it was a lot but i didnt really know what he liked so i got options.

"well if theres one thing i am its an overachiever."

i joked nervously and he sent me a smile, picking up one of the oreos and biting into it.

"theres nothing wrong with that. i could probably say the same of myself but im more of a perfectionist than an overachiever. everything always has to be just the way i want it, which is kind of hard when youre on the road all the time but you learn to work around it."

i nodded along to what he was saying.

"do you like it?"

he looked up at me with wide eyes.

"being on the road i mean. i know you said you were in a band but surely you must like it."

he laughed a little bit.

"oh yeah, im a real road rat. i love getting to travel all over the place and perform and just experience stuff."

i nodded along again, pushing the now full vase to the side and leaning into the counter with my arms crossed under me.

"i dont know if id ever be able to do that. like it sounds fun in theory but i think id yearn for a stable home life after a while."

he rubbed his hands across his thighs.

"yeah i get that, its not for everyone, specially for people who have careers and families but ive never really thought about that stuff as an interest. like yeah itd be cool to have a wife or at least life long partner but the kids and stuff ive never really entertained the idea of."

i smiled at him, laughing a little bit.

"same here, kids are kind of a no go for me. like dont get me wrong i love my nieces but taking care of a small human is so much work and its so time consuming."

"right? plus you have to worry about what theyre doing at every moment and i definitely dont need that kind of stress in my life."

i picked up a cookie and tapped it against the counter.

"ya know i never thought id be having a conversation about family goals on a first date."

i looked up at him and he smiled at me nervously.

"well i guess you just go where the conversation leads you right?"

i nodded before taking a bite of the cookie.

"that you do. but i guess since we're on the topic. have you been actively looking for someone to date?"

i raised a brow as he looked down at his lap, thinking about my question.

"if im being honest no, but with the life i have id be lying if i said i didnt miss not having someone to share stuff with. just like someone who gets me and is willing to be there for me."

i looked up at him with hopeful eyes that this would go well.

"and you think that might be me?"

he shrugged.

"maybe. id say things are going pretty well so far."

i half smiled.

"id say so too."

he picked up another oreo.

"what do you say about that movie?"

i perked up a bit.

"yes, you pick, i got out a few that i think you might like."

i stood up and walked into the living room, him being right behind me. i watched his face light up at what i had laid out on the coffee table.

"sick!"

he said picking a few up and looking at them.

"oh yeah, i definitely think this is going to go well."

i laughed a little at his reaction.

"which one first?"

[sylvanfreckles]

Chemistry

This is entirely and forever the fault of @angelfishofthelord and their “The Genre You Struggle With” challenge.

And thus, I present, a schmoopy, silly, rom-com style epoch of the first meeting of Sam and Sam’s Blurry Wife (from the finale). 

Summary: A coffee shop, a sprig of mistletoe, and a barista who just might be Santa’s little helper...looks like Gabrielle and Sam are learning a little more about Chemistry.

* * *

“Good morning, Professor!”

Gabrielle D'Angelo raised a hand in greeting at Nico, the morning barista at Renegade Coffee. She had to duck a little bit to avoid the excessive use of tinsel around the door, but once inside the warm coffee shop she could almost forgive the sheer ton of glitter and sparkle and twinkle around her.

Almost.

“You certainly went all out,” she commented as Nico set a tall, steaming cup of her usual morning order on the counter. “It's barely December and this place looks like a Hallmark exploded in here.”

“Well, you know,” Nico shrugged. “Gloria went a little nuts. She downsized to an apartment this summer, so we get all the decorations that won't fit in her new place.”

“Uh-huh,” Gabrielle nodded. She couldn't help but notice the row of nutcrackers on top of the display case. They were all in different little service uniforms—like a postman, milkman, garbage collector, teacher. She pointed at them, eyebrows raised. “No barista?”

“Some people have no taste,” Nico replied with a haughty sniff before breaking out in a dimpled smile. “What else can I get you, Professor?”

Gabrielle leaned down to study the pastries in the case. She liked that Nico always called her Professor, even though she wasn't teaching this year. It sounded better than “textbook revisionist”, which was her actual profession. “Cheese danish?”

“Coming up. I'll bring it out to you when it's warm.”

She raised her coffee cup in toast and left a ten-dollar bill on the counter. That would cover the coffee, pastry, first refill, and her tip...for now. If she couldn't get through Dr. Adair's notes on the taxonomy of noble gases she was going to need more than this. Not even Nico's secret whiskey flask could get her through Dr. Adair's notes on the taxonomy of noble gases.

Gabrielle made her way to her favorite booth in the corner and began unloading her rolling laptop case. Well...it wasn't actually a case. More of a plastic milk crate on a portable luggage dolly, with her laptop tucked in to one side. From the crate she unpacked three older chemistry textbooks, a half-dozen manuscripts held together by alligator clips, and a Hello Kitty pencil case that contained the pens and highlighters she'd need (shut up, it was lucky).

“Cheese danish for milady?” Nico offered, as soon as Gabrielle had unloaded and booted up her laptop. She accepted the little plate and absently took a bite from the warm danish, ignoring the fork Nico had placed at her side, and stared at the glowing logo as the computer slowly roused itself.

Her laptop was old, still a relic from her graduate days. She always meant to buy a new one when her tax refund hit every year, but something else came up. Car repairs, a friend's wedding, sewage line backing up into her bathroom...there was never enough money. If she could make the deadline on the textbook revisions, though, she should have enough for a new laptop and a new muffler. No more cable ties and duct tape!

As Gabrielle waited, computer slowly idling its way awake, she caught herself staring at the door, wondering if Hippy Man would appear today.

Hippy Man was...well, she really was supposed to be above these things. But with that hair and the little bit of stubble...hey, a girl could still dream, even if that girl had two doctorates and a Very Important Opportunity. Plus, he was probably taken. Or an asshole. Or both!

Hippy Man didn't come in as often as Gabrielle did, unless he was here the three days a week she let herself sleep past 6am. He didn't have a regular order, Nico and the others didn't know him by name, and he never stayed longer than the time he took to drink his tea of the day.

(She knew he favored Chai because he ordered it at least twice a week, and Nico put a cut little accent on when he called out a Chai latte...that was why she knew it, she wasn't snooping.)

The bell over the door jingled (and jingled...and jingled...looks like Gloria replaced the little shop bell with an entire harness of sleigh bells), and in walked Hippy Man. Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear.

He was in the blue flannel today, which was Gabrielle's favorite. The brown one washed out his complexion, and the yellow one was just a no. Between the flannel and the beanie he looked like some kind of beatnik poet, though the muscles in his forearms and the callouses on his hands spoke more to manual labor.

(She wasn't snooping! She was just...bored.)

“Chai latte today, sir?” Nico asked. Ah, good! Hippy Man was coming in regularly enough to start being recognized.

Hippy Man started back, staring from the board to Nico for a moment. Gabrielle wanted to roll her eyes...maybe this wasn't a small town, but it was a small coffee shop. Come to Renegade Coffee enough times and Nico would learn something about you. It happened. Just go with it.

“Yeah, uh, sounds great,” Hippy Man nodded. “Do you have any of those vegan blueberry muffins?”

“Saved one for you!” Nico replied cheerily. God, he was the best. Gabrielle ducked her head, pretending like she wasn't snooping. (Okay, so she was snooping a little bit.) Obviously Nico had noticed that Hippy Man only drank tea and ate the vegan muffins (ew). Nico had probably figured out the guy's entire backstory based on his morning orders.

The bright tones of the Windows theme alerted Gabrielle to the fact that her laptop had finally booted up. Gabrielle shook herself, crammed the last of her danish in her mouth, and started on the arduous process to getting her dinosaur of a machine to log on to the Renegade Coffee WiFi.

Hippy Guy always waited at the counter for his order, which just added to the weird. Most patrons took a seat, relaxed a little, but not this guy. He stood there, hands shoved in his pockets, bowed forward a little as though to hide his ridiculous height.

(Really, instead of Hippy Man maybe she should have called him The Moose.)

“Here you go, dude,” Nico announced, setting Hippy Man's beverage and muffin on the counter. “Enjoy!”

“Yeah, uh, thanks. You too.”

Gabrielle bit back a snort, covering it up with a sip from her coffee (Renegade's own Double Dark Dark blend, guaranteed the strongest coffee in the tri-county area. Hey, the taxonomy of noble gases wasn't a laughing matter). At least Hippy Man was as human as the rest of them.

She rested an elbow on the table and leaned her chin in her hand to watch Hippy Man blunder through an embarrassed apology/explanation for what he'd just said—even though Nico had heard “you too” so many times he didn't even react anymore—while she waiting for the little spinny thing to connect her to the internet. Dr. Adair had probably sent three more emails, each one trying to decide between “the order to which we assign these elements” and “to which order we assign these elements”.

In the corner of her eye she saw her screen go white and leaned back to look at it.

No connection.

Gabrielle frowned and tapped the WiFi icon again.

More spinning. She took a minute to straighten the manuscripts—Dr. Russel's additions to the chapters on heavy metals were probably the best she'd seen yet, especially considering Dr. Russel had her own proofreader and hadn't demanded to revise her entry dozens of times, like Dr. Adair.

The screen flashed white again. No connection.

“Hey, Nico?” Gabrielle called. She noticed Hippy Guy frowning at his phone, but ignored him for the moment (which was difficult). “Is the WiFi down?”

Nico poked his head out of the back, towel draped over his shoulder. “Sorry, Professor. It was acting up last night...guess it's still out there. Gloria said she'd call it in when she gets here.”

Gabrielle sunk down in her chair, biting her lip and staring blankly at her computer. She could always pull up the emails on her phone, she supposed. The textbook itself was in a shared online file so she wouldn't be able to work on that until the WiFi was fixed...but she could go through the manuscripts and make notes by hand. With a heavy sigh she slapped her laptop shut and tugged the first stack of paper over.

Oh shit. Hippy Man was watching her.

Gabrielle bent forward over the table, letting her dark hair fall forward like a curtain to cut him off from view. Sure, he was cute and all, but she didn't really want to get into this with him now.

Hippy Man was standing up.

Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over....

Hippy Man was walking over.

Dammit.

“Hi, I'm Sam,” Hippy Man said, holding his hand out.

Gabrielle blew out a sigh and accepted the gesture. “Gabrielle.”

Apparently that was enough for Hippy Man—Sam—and he pulled out the chair opposite. “So, you're a professor?”

“I'm not teaching at the moment,” Gabrielle hedged. Sam was looking at the books on her table, actually touching one of the old textbooks to turn it so he could see the spine. His eyebrows shot up.

Oh god. Here it comes. She could see the headline now...Local Himbo Knows More About Chemistry Than Distinguished Textbook Revisionist.

“You teach chemistry?” Sam asked.

“I'm...working on the textbook,” Gabrielle said. She braced herself for it. Every time she met a guy—at least the tall, ruggedly handsome, flannel-wearing, beatnik-poet-looking ones—they were always intimidated by her work. Or they broke it down to something less (no, it wasn't the same as his mom putting together the family newsletter...yes, she did have a degree in chemistry...no, that didn't mean she could break bad or whatever, and no, she didn't know how to make meth!).

“That's incredible!” Sam said. He actually had the textbook open, caressing the table of contents. “I think I used this edition my sophomore year—is this the one you're revising?”

Gabrielle stared at him. “Well...we're about three versions ahead, but we're going back to that edition for the section on Amphoterism, Peterson really didn't do it justice even if he did have tenure at the time.”

Sam's eyebrows had shot up even higher, almost into his beanie. Gabrielle had to laugh at herself. “Sorry, shop talk.”

“It's okay,” Sam gently closed the textbook and placed it back on the stack reverently. “I see you in here a lot, you just always seem so busy. I didn't want to disturb you.”

Gabrielle shrugged. She had a lot of work to do. Coming out to Renegade Coffee to do it just felt better than working at home, with nothing but her beta fish to distract her. “And how about you, chai-tea-and-vegan-muffin-man? What do you do when you're not telling Nico to enjoy his meal?”

Sam blushed and stared down at the cup in his hands. God, he was cute, up this close. He even had dimples. “It's just a reflex,” he said defensively. She giggled—actually giggled, like an idiot in a rom-com. Instead of making Sam blush even harder, he peered up at her through his bangs and unleashed a devastating smile.

“So?” Gabrielle insisted. “What do you do?”

“This and that,” Sam shrugged. “Mostly pest removal.”

“Yeah?” she took a sip of her coffee. It was almost cold now...this was the point she usually drank the rest of it in one long shot, but she decided to savor it this time. Nico had snuck in a pump of peppermint flavor, and while she would normally beat him with edition three of A Modern Approach to Chemistry she was willing to forgive him this time. It was almost Christmas. “So, like, mice and roaches and stuff?”

Sam gave a halfhearted shrug. “More...specialized.”

Gabrielle felt her own eyebrows rise. “Specialized pest removal? What, like...coyotes in the crawlspace?”

He held up a hand, forefinger and thumb about a centimeter apart. “Almost. It's...complicated. I'm kind of doing it on the side, taking some time off to deal with...personal stuff.”

Shit, Gabrielle could understand that. When her widowed father had gotten remarried she'd taken almost a year to work with a pharmaceutical company in Canada. She loved her new step-father, sure, but it was hard to see anyone else in her mother's place.

Nico stopped by the table, a fresh coffee in one hand and a hot tea in the other. “On the house,” he explained. “Gloria will be in in about twenty minutes, she said she already called the internet guys.”

“Thanks, Nico,” Gabrielle smiled. She threw back the rest of her coffee in one long pull and set the empty cup to one side before tugging the new, hot cup close.

Nico was staring at her. Well, he was staring from her to Sam and back again.

“What?” Gabrielle demanded.

He pointedly looked up.

For the first time, Gabrielle noticed there was mistletoe hanging from the light fixture above her head.

“Nico!” Gabrielle moaned.

“Oh, sorry, I didn't...see that,” Sam protested. He tried to scoot his chair back but Nico had stuck a foot behind it.

“Either you kiss her or I kiss you, big fella,” Nico said, winking.

Face burning with embarrassment, Gabrielle looked over in time to see Sam give a helpless shrug. He shuffled sideways into the booth next to her and gently caught her chin with one hand.

“Merry Christmas, Gabrielle,” he whispered, leaning down to press his lips to hers.

Her stomach did a little flip, which had nothing to do with the coffee she'd just down, and she found herself unconsciously leaning toward him when he pulled back.

Gabrielle blinked, staring up at the man who was now sitting beside her. “What was that?”

Nico snatched up her empty cups and gave her a wink. “That, my dear Professor, was Chemistry.”

* * *

The challenge:

-Must not deviate into your usual preferred genre of writing (I normally write hurt/comfort, action, and suspense, so this was romance/rom-com)

-Must be written in third-person (done!)

-For added difficulty, add an essential original character (pick between Gabrielle as the OFC version of Sam’s Blurry Wife or Nico the barista as Santa’s little helper)

-Use less than ten tags (not including character/relationship tags) (is “chemistry words” a tag? I looked them up)

-For extra added difficulty write for a ship you hate (Sam/SBW is one I hate if SBW isn’t Eileen...but I named her Gabrielle because I also hate Sabriel)

[jyndor]

so I was talking to my friend @timelordthirteen about some shit and I decided to just share with you all about the importance of actually explaining shit instead of just saying it. the Left, I am looking at you bitch (ily bitch but)

lol would put a read more but tumblr's being a petty little bitch today ❤

shitposting is fun. dunking on asshat right wingers is fun. you know what is not fun? seeing people not understand the basic terminology that we use in the ~discourse*

but. if we are going to use terminology, if we are going to inject regular old laypeople conversations with (imo) unneccessary amounts of academic terms, then we should try to use them correctly** because in many cases misusing them means we as leftists do not have a full understanding of what the fuck we're on about. this dilutes both the meanings of these terms and their purposes. I know I am wordy as fuck and can be hard to understand sometimes (thanks adhd) so what I am about to say is a little ironic, but clarity is fucking important when it comes to strategy and organizing.

so I am going to examine some commonly misused concepts and terms today. yay.

1. THEORY, PRAXIS AND FRAMEWORKS FOR ANALYSIS weeee yes I am fun at parties tyvm

what is a framework? a structure, in this case, for analyzing some bullshit we deal with irl. that's it lol but I use it a lot so I figured I'd define it here. examples of frameworks are: intersectionality, marxism, queer theory. seriously, if you can think it, it has already been analyzed through the queer lens.

what is theory? ideas, knowledge in the abstract based on looking at shit happen and analyzing that shit. it is useful because it can help us articulate what we are going through in our shitty lives. this is why I often recommend people learn about chomsky's manufacturing consent (theory of why we get the info we get from the media tl;dr), not because I think chomsky is the ultimate leftist grandpa but because this site needs some media literacy lmao. and btw, this clip narrated by amy goodman is a great, trippy little 4:30 min long video that explains the basics of manufacturing consent so you don't have to open a book or use drugs!

theory can help serve as a framework to understand what the fuck is happening to us irl, but imo is kind of an incomplete understanding of shit without lived experience (aka - theory v praxis). this is one reason why we should listen to marginalized groups on their own shit and not talk over them - because all of the research and theory in the world does not make me a Black woman living in Flint (aka - ground up organizing v technocracy). it is not about being nice, or politically correct, although we should be nice and we should care about people just because they're people. if you understand the why of listening to marginalized groups, you understand that it is mainly about communities knowing their own problems best and therefore having the best solutions for those problems.

2. MARXISM, CAPITALISM AND OTHER BUZZWORDS (and leftists need hobbies)

so marxism is a framework for socioeconomic analysis observed by mr kpop himself, karl marx (and his sugar daddy friedrich engels). because leftists love to argue, there are so many kinds of marxism, and if you ever feel like you are shouting into the void too much, just look up some arguments between stalinists and trotskyists. it's just... magical. no, I am not defining tankie here.

as many people smarter than I am have said (read: kwame ture seriously watch this video it's iconic), karl marx did not discover socialism or invent it or whatever, he observed capitalism and saw how shitty it is, like any other sane person would do. the point of marxism is not karl marx (which he would say) or tankies or fuckin guillotines***

things that marxism is:

- an analytical tool for looking at the world

- a theory which was used to develop the basis of different kinds of post-capitalist economic systems like communism and socialism

things that marxism is not:

- a system of economics or government lmao marx did not govern dick

- scary

marx looked at capitalism and said "this is definitely gonna fail someday because it's clearly unsustainable, I mean the proletariat is bigger than the bourgeoisie who owns everything uh yeah so I can do basic fucking math. if I have one capitalist and fifteen hundred workers, eventually that capitalist is gonna lose his damn head because he is gonna hoard all that wealth and his workers are gonna get pissed that they don't have their basic fucking needs met. lmao now put on some kpop, freddy" or something. idk that might not be a direct quote.

what is capitalism? (besides horseshit) a system of economics where industry is privately owned. and yes, this includes publically traded corporations because they are still owned by individuals (shareholders) even if they aren't privately owned by one person or a group of partners. truly a nightmare to live in, and we hate to see it.

what is the proletariat? well, the working class. and the bourgeoisie is the owner class, the capitalist class. the rich.

and this is something else that we need to discuss, tumblr. if you are going to say "eat the rich" please understand who you are talking about. we're not talking about random actors or musicians, or doctors or lawyers, even if they make better than a liveable wage. even if they often have zero class consciousness, meaning they don't ~see class, like colorblind racism for classism.

anyone who has to sell their labor for wages and is not part of the owner class is working class. this includes people who cannot work for any multitude of reasons (disability, can't find work, caretaker, etc) and also white collar workers who might be well off in relatively high paying jobs because they don't own the means of production, or capital that is used to produce shit. so yes, that rich actor who is a part of a union is actually part of the working class in marxist theory. when we say eat the rich, we mean jeff bezos, not john boyega. jeff bezos owns the means of production. john boyega is a working actor who is in a union.

this is important not because we shouldn't get pissed off when actors and celebrities do tone deaf shit like singing about imagining no possessions in their mansions while people starve during a pandemic. they need to put their money to good use, have some class consciousness, instead of asking fans to donate to causes that they could fund. but they are not the bourgeoisie until they start owning the means of production. and there is no doubt that many of them do, which is why we might eat gwyneth paltrow but we won't eat john boyega.

and by the way, eating the rich is metaphorical, a reference to french revolution-era philosopher jean-jacques rousseau's quote: "when the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich." obviously I don't even need to explain it but I will anyway. basically, the people will forcibly redistribute the wealth of the rich if they have nothing else. this is why there are some very smart capitalists who are in favor of reforms and raising taxes, because they recognize the danger to their necks in not providing for basic needs of the working class. no, "eat the rich" does not mean be pro-cannibalism. but there are many capitalists who would prefer to die than lose their hoard so

oh, and one last thing. "no ethical consumption in capitalism" is tossed around a lot and it's a million percent true, but I need all of us to understand that it is not an excuse to support harmful practices but it is also not meant to shame consumers. it is rather an understanding that we as consumers are not responsible for the monstrous impact of capitalism. we live in it, we have no choice but to consume, and sometimes (most of the time) that means we have to buy shit that was produced in unethical ways. unfortunately supply chains being what they are, all consumption causes harm in some way.

it is a reminder that individual actions are not going to have the impact of collection actions. this is why plastic bag bans, though well-meaning, are not going to have the same impact on climate catastrophe as, say, banning fossil fuels would.

I am a vegetarian and I can recognize that I am doing a whole lot of nothing by not supporting factory farms, and when I was a vegan I wasn't doing much either. boycotts without mass support don't have much evidence of working. this is why bds exists - boycott divestment and sanctions. boycott, meaning don't support goods from various conpanies connected to something, divestment, meaning get companies/countries/institutions to remove their money from something, and sanctions, meaning getting countries to penalize a country for their bad behavior until they comply.

this is what the anti-apartheid south africa movement did and what palestinian rights organizers support for israeli apartheid.

do not allow legislators to put the burden of fixing the ills of society that capitalism created on consumers' shoulders.

3. INTERSECTIONALITY (because it deserves its own section)

I don't have as much to say on this as I did the last bit because holy shit capitalism, man.

intersectionality, a term that was coined by law professor kimberlé crenshaw in the late 80s to serve as a framework for people to critically assess how legal structures impact Black women differently due to class, race and gender. it is not incompatible with marxism (in fact marxism has been argued to be a form of intersectionality).

intersectionality can and should be used to examine why the Black queer experience is unique, for example. I also want to acknowledge that professor crenshaw isn't the only person to come up with intersectionality; sojourner truth spoke about it even if she didn't coin the term, for example. patricia hill collins, another influential af Black feminist academic****, created frameworks for viewing intersectionality. also you can read her book black feminist thought here for free.

intersectionality has been used - improperly - by liberal feminists***** to excuse bad behavior from leaders who pretend to care about women while creating and enforcing legislation that harms women. anyone who stans politicians at all needs help. it has also been misrepresented as essentialism, which it is also not (essentialism is the idea that everything has some assets that are necessary to its identity) because intersectionality isn't saying that every Black queer woman has the same experience, just that Black queer women might experience similar issues because of a system that negatively views them as Black and queer and women.

intersectionality does not excuse kamala harris for prosecuting poor moms of truant kids.

okay if you guys have things to add please do because I want us to educate each other instead of always talking shit. both is good.

* I am not calling out people for not being academic enough or not speaking english or not reading enough theory because LOL I am a 2x neurodivergent college dropout who radicalized by working retail and not by hearing karl marx talk dirty to me. also, not everyone speaks english like, I am truly not shitting on people.

** I recognize that language is fluid and ever changing, and that is a good thing. But diluting terms that serve specific purposes is not ever going to be good.

*** and I don't want to dismiss intra-leftist theory discourse (🤢) because I know how annoying it is to hear bernie sanders lumped in with liz warren, or bernie sanders lumping himself in with post-capitalists lmao of course I get it. but twitter discourse is not dismantling capitalism so ANYWAY

**** actually crenshaw built on collins' work (black feminist thought) and the collins built on crenshaw' work we love to see it.

***** I should go ahead and define liberal feminism as well as rad fem and terf and shit because people use them all very very loosely, especially terf (not every transphobe is a terf but every terf is a transphobe, it's like the rectangle/square thing). but I am exhausted with this so next time.

[letsbenditlikebennett]

Something Wild Calls || Ariana & Layla

Ariana finds a skittish Layla dumpster diving for food and makes it her mission to help. 

On this particular day, Ariana found herself walking to the library after school to join in on a group study session for her Earth Science class. She was off from Trusty Wood today and could use the extra help in getting her grade up in that class. She’d been walking down the street when a familiar yet new scent hit her nose. Another wolf, it had to be. She’d know that smell anywhere. If she’d been in wolf form, her ears would be perked all the way up right now. Instead, she had a mischievous grin on her face as she followed her nose. Why her nose was leading her into a back alley way behind a row of quick service restaurants was beyond her. Maybe this wolf worked at one of these establishments? It mattered little, all she knew was she had to find them. Wolves were meant to stick together. However, what she found was far from what she expected. The a girl who looked to be about her age poking through a dumpster. For one, she seemed way to pretty to be dumpster diving of all things, but there was something kind of sad to her. “Hey,” she called out softly, “Don’t wanna startle you or anything, but uh, what are you doing?”

Layla had spent the last of her money back in another state weeks before arriving to White Crest. Now, all she had left were a few coins; a picture of her girlfriend; and the clothes on her back, which were already getting pretty nasty. All the sink and creek washings in the world couldn’t remove the stains and underlying stench that was starting to build. From one of the most popular girls in high school and head cheerleader with a bright future to runaway teenager, Layla had gotten the short end of the stick when it had come to fate. I’m so hungry. Why am I so friggin’ hungry all the time??? Wolf life had made it nearly impossible to follow her former diet, and, at this rate, she didn’t care. However, she had to be quick. She had already been caught once this week, and if she lost her main source of food, she was screwed. Crap…The voice had startled her, despite how soft it was, and any hope of food for the night was lost. Slowly and cautiously raising up, she instinctively let out a low growl. While the girl, standing just off to the side, smelled familiar, she had already been shunned by a group of wolves once.

For the first time, Ariana really understood what Ulfric had meant when he told her to be careful with how she approached other wolves. Not that it was surprising he offered good advice. Did it mean she’d listen? Not really, but in this case she tried to do everything she could to make her body language as relaxing and nonthreatening as possible. She raised her hands gently to show nothing was in them and took one step back. She tried to offer a friendly smile as she explained, “Hey, it’s okay, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Ariana looked over the other girl carefully. She was clearly a little disheveled and her clothes weren’t in the best shape. A dull pang made her chest feel heavy as she realized this girl could be in trouble. She extended her hand and slowly took another step forward. This girl needed her help and she had to convince her to accept it. She was nothing short of determined. Gently, she said, “I’m like you. I want to help. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Her body was starting to shake from fear. With eyes trained on the other girl, Layla slowly backed away from the trash cans. She never let her eyes falter and the growl could still be heard. Had this been a year ago, she would’ve been safe in her own room hanging out with her friends or preparing for the school dance, but this is what life had given her, and the one good thing her parents had ever provided her with was the will to survive. “Why should I trust you? Your kind has turned on me before.” Her breathing was heavy, “Look, all I want is some food, okay? That’s it, and then I’ll leave, and I won’t come back here again.” That was a lie. This was the best place in town for scraps. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.” The idea of hurting someone had brought tears to the brims of her eyes, but she was already at the end of her rope. She was desperate. And she was hungry.

The girl before her was so scared and it left Ariana feeling heartbroken for her. It’s true, life wasn’t easy as a wolf in a world where others lived to hurt you, but the wolf before her was really worse for wear and betrayed by their own kind. That’s not how it was supposed to be. Wolves were supposed to stick together. There was no reason this poor girl should be out here dumpster diving for a meal when she was here to help. “I’m sorry others like us have turned on you before. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. We’re meant to stick together. It’s not safe for you to be out here on your own, especially on a full moon.” She let out a deep breath and did her best to keep her features soft. As much as it angered her that another wolf would turn on her, she needed to gain this girl’s trust if she was going to be able to help her. With pleading eyes, she said, “Let me buy you some lunch then. We can get you something fresh and warm.” The sight of tears in the other girl’s eyes made her want to reach out and hug her, but she knew as much wouldn’t be well received. “You don’t have to hurt me. I promise I just want to help. Whatever those other wolves did was wrong. We’re meant to take care of our own and I’m not about to let you go through the dumpster just to get a meal when I’m able to buy lunch for us both.”

Layla’s breathing had slowed. Her eyes darted from the trash can nearest to her and back to the girl in front of her. It’s one hot meal. And if she tries anything, you can just run, Layla. Loosening up some, she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. Without looking the other girl in the eyes, the eighteen-year-old slowly moved forward. She had debated explaining why she was turned on, but knew it to be too risky, and besides, she didn’t want to lose the one good thing she had going for her at the moment. “I’m sorry I’m, like, really gross. I tried washing my clothes out in a gas station bathroom, but they ran me off. I can just stay outside, a-and I’ll find some way to pay you back, okay? I don’t take handouts.” She kept her distance. Layla knew she couldn’t help the situation she was in, but she had grown up presenting herself in a certain way, and it had been one of the hardest things she was having to learn to let go.

A wave of relief washed over Ariana as the girl agreed to let her buy lunch for them. It was definitely a step in the right direction though she knew she’d need to earn her trust to keep her safe in the long term. Her brow furrowed slightly at the remark of washing her clothes in a gas station. Did she not have somewhere safe to stay? She knew that was something she couldn’t accept. Not when so much kindness had been given to her regarding her own messy situation. “Alright, we’ll touch on the gas station thing in a minute. First things first, I’ll get some takeout and we can go eat at one of the picnic tables at The Common. Also, don’t worry about it, I’ve been on the run before, I know how it goes.” She tried to level with her, relate in some way. As much as she had to face, she’d never had to do it alone. She refused to let this girl go through whatever she was going through on her own. Whether she liked it or not, Ariana was determined to help. “I’m Ariana, by the way. Don’t worry about paying me back. I don’t keep track of that kind of stuff. Besides, we’re supposed to be looking out for each other.” She took a few steps back and gestured toward the main road, “Is there anything in particular you’re in the mood for? It’s your pick.” She offered up a warm smile, trying to slowly make this new wolf feel a bit more comfortable with the situation she was in. Whatever these other wolves had done to her had clearly left her in a panicked state and Ariana did her best to not let it get her pissed off at this very moment. How could anyone show this girl anything but kindness was way beyond her.

It was the first bit of kindness that Layla had seen in a long time. Someone who seemed to genuinely care about her. It didn’t matter that they were a fellow werewolf or not. All that had mattered was that they didn’t push her away, or, worse, try and kill her. Layla blushed at the mention of the gas station. It wasn’t a fact she was proud of, but it was there. And when it happened, she had almost considered stealing something out of spite, mostly, but also to at least have something to eat or drink. But she knew better, and regardless of everything that had happened to her, she still tried to hold onto some of her morals, “I can, and I will. My parents, at least, taught me you don’t let people pity you no matter how bad off you are.” She was the daughter of werewolf hunters, who had ingrained many things into her. Some she respected and others she wanted to rid herself of. “And my name’s Layla.” She wearily stuck out her hand to shake Ariana’s. “I was a vegan in another life, but, honestly, right now, I could eat a mime.” A light smile drew across her lips. All the mime talk in town had her scared shitles, but she had hoped it would at least lighten the mood a little. She had, after all, considered attacking the girl who was fixing to buy her lunch.

Seeing the girl relax a bit made Ariana feel much better about the situation. It was the first step in befriending her and making sure she was safe. Maybe she wasn’t exactly the expert on safe, but she knew they were stronger in numbers. She kept her own features soft, brows unfurrowed and lips slightly curved up in not quite a smile. They were making progress and she wasn’t about to ruin that. Layla was skittish and she didn’t want to spook her. “If it’ll make you feel better, you can pay me back when you’re able to. It’s not pity though. I don’t think any less of you or anything like that. My sister and I have had to camp out and forage while on the run before. I get that life isn’t always kind, especially to people like us, and I think it’s important we make an effort to be here for and protect each other.” If she hadn’t been determined to find a pack of her own before coming to White Crest, learning from Ulfric and meeting the other wolves in town only affirmed her belief. Layla could also clearly use someone on her side, even if it would take time to gain her trust. She reached her own hand out to shake Layla’s, surprised she was even willing to shake her hand with how hesitant she’d been. “Layla… that’s a pretty name. It’s good to meet you.” She smiled and added, “Vegan? I know just the place. There’s a restaurant called Veggie Tables. I’ll pull up their menu on my phone so you can tell me what’d you like. Also, don’t eat the mimes. There’s definitely some sort of weird magic going on there that yes, I want to figure out, but not by it having some sort of weird effect on you.”

As Ariana explained her past, Layla was beginning to trust her more. Of course, there was always that possibility that she was lying. Spinning a story to draw the wolf pup in. And the more the redhead thought about it, the more she could feel her anxiety beginning to build. Slowly pulling her hand away and stepping back from Ariana once more, she began looking around for a possible way out, if she indeed needed to run, “Uh, yeah. I can do that.” Layla’s heart was beginning to sink. Trust had never been an issue in the past. Not until her life had changed. She hated it because she couldn’t take anyone at face value anymore. Maybe this girl really was just trying to help her, and if she ran, she’d never know. You only got so many chances in life and feeling the rumble in her stomach gave her some sort of reason to at least stay for the meal, “Thanks, I like Ariana. Do you...do you prefer Ari for short or…” She was trying her best to make conversation and to not let the thoughts in her head get the better of her, “Don’t worry...mimes aren’t really my thing. So it’s true then...this town has more than just, you know...things like us?” She let her eyes scan the area before looking back over to Ariana.

It was plain for Ariana to see that the other wolf was still anxious. The way her eyes darted around like she was always making sure she had an out had her really worried about what was done to her. She doubted she’d get the full story today, but one day, she hoped Layla would be able to trust her enough to tell it. Holding all of that in was far from healthy and she wanted her to be able to move past whatever was holding her back. At the mention of nicknames, she relaxed a bit herself and smiled, “I do like Ari, but I go by both.” Nicknames were a little more casual and could make the whole getting to know each other prospect easier. She still found herself worried for the other girl. She had serious doubts about her current level of safety though. If she was looking for a meal in the trash and trying to wash her clothes in a gas station, it was unlikely she had a safe place to stay. She could get to that in a little bit, for now joking had to help the situation. She gestured toward the direction of the restaurant before handing her the menu pulled up on her phone so she could lead the way. “Me either, but I’m definitely curious about what’s going on there. There’s definitely more than just us here. On that note, don’t buy the watermelon, it bites and you’ll have to tragically mourn the loss of your favorite combat boots… or like I guess a finger. Anything on the menu looking good though?”

As a child, Layla’s parents had warned her about dangers of the world, which constantly had her looking over her own shoulder. Shadows at night in her bedroom would leave her scared and begging for her parents, and for the first several times she’d cry out in the night, one of them would come to comfort her, but soon they just stopped coming leaving Layla on her own. Of course, by the time she was older, she had managed to suppress those fears and put on a brave face. But after the night of her 18th birthday being left alone in the woods and nearly losing her life from the bite of a werewolf, followed by everything else that had happened, that brave face was nowhere to be found, unless absolutely necessary, “Ari, it is. My friends back home used to call me Lay, for short, kind of as a joke.” It was the first piece of information she had disclosed about herself, and while it wasn’t entirely true (her girlfriend had been the only one who had ever called her that for certain reasons), she was at least throwing a bone to the girl who was offering up kindness. Phone now in hand, Layla followed Ari, as she skimmed through the menu. It had all sounded delicious, and she hadn’t eaten a hot meal in quite some time. Without looking up, she responded, “Biting watermelons?” Her parents had given her information on certain creatures, but never on living watermelons. “Next, I’m guessing you’re going to tell me that the cars around here are alive, too?” Her nose had led her here via scent, but what kind of town was this? “And I’m thinking the Roasted Veggie Burrito is the winner.” In all honesty, the whole menu had looked good, but she wasn’t going to take advantage of Ariana’s kindness. However, she did snoop through the girl’s phone, as she made her way towards the restaurant, but an overwhelming sense of guilt washed over her, and she quickly returned the item; menu back on the screen and everything else closed, “What are you getting?”

It was the smallest bit of information, but Ariana was happy to learn anything she could about this new wolf. The more she knew, the more she’d be able to help. Plus, every other wolf she knew was a good deal older than her. It’d be nice to have someone closer to her in age, given she wasn’t exactly sure how old Layla was. “Lay,” she said easily, “I like that. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? Everyone else I know like us is well… older. It’s kind of cool meeting someone closer in age.” She hoped it wasn’t prying too much. She was really doing her best to hold back the millions of questions she had which wasn’t her strong point. Usually everything she was curious about came out in question form at an unreasonably quick pace. It was obvious that would scare Layla off which was the last thing she wanted. It was her duty to help make sure Layla was in a safe situation. Ulfric had taught her a lot about what it meant to be a wolf and he had done everything in his power to help her during this rough patch, she knew it was important for her to do the same for other wolves she met. Layla’s situation seemed to be more dire than most, but there was something so gentle to her mannerisms that made Ariana want to protect her more than anything else. “For what it’s worth, I haven’t seen any living cars. I wouldn’t be too surprised though. This place seems to be some sort of supernatural hotspot. So yeah, the watermelon bites. At least the ones from Nightshade Farmer’s Market do.” She took her phone back as they rounded the corner and arrived at the restaurant. “Roasted Veggie Burrito it is. I’m going for the stir fry myself. I’ll be right back with everything.”

The question wasn’t surprising. It was a basic question. One that she had felt comfortable answering. Besides, what would it hurt knowing her age? After seeing what she needed to see on Ariana’s phone, she felt slightly safer with the girl. However, the mention of there being more wolves kind of made Layla slightly apprehensive about things. Would these wolves accept her if she met them? Or would they shun her just like all the others had? “Thanks, and I’ll be 19 in June. What about you?” She continued moving forward. As the wind shifted, she caught a hint of many different scents filling the air around her, including that of all the food. It was one of the qualities she still hadn’t quite gotten used to, and without realizing it, she was holding her head up to the sky sniffing the air like she had seen her dog do plenty of times. Ari’s comment caught her attention, and she quickly got back to the conversation, “Nightshade Farmer’s Market...I’ll keep that in mind…” She trailed off as she had noticed the restaurant was now in front of her, “Okay, I’ll be here. Hey, and Ari...thanks. You’ve been the kindest person by far in a long time…” She sent a sad smile in the girl’s direction before going and finding a place to sit down. With the wind picking up again, she instinctively started sniffing the air, before noticing someone walk by. “Hey…” Getting the side eye, she quickly looked back down, Whatever…

The whole baby steps thing was working so far. It was a small detail, but Ariana was happy she shared her age. So they were both eighteen. That was pretty cool, especially if she could gain Layla’s trust enough to be actual friends. The thought excited her, but she was working really hard to not be completely overbearing. “I turned 18 this past February. So cool, it’ll be nice to have a friend like me who’s my age.” She watched somewhat amused as Layla sniffed the air. Later, she’d talk over trying to be a little more subtle about what they were in public. She was already so shaken that Ariana decided now wasn’t exactly the time to drop the news that there were hunters here, too. Ariana made her way up to the bar and ordered their meals to go. They were one of those places that tried to minimize waste so she was expecting eco-friendly containers to boot. It smelled good in here. She could smell the familiar smell of onions and garlic through the air. She kept a close eye out the window for Layla, part of her was still worried she’d bolt, but hopefully the promise of food was enough to keep her around. Once the food was ready to go, she made her way back out. “Well, everything smells great,” she said smiling widely, “but let’s head this way so we can grab a seat at some picnic benches. Stir fry definitely isn’t walking and eating food.” Once they settled down at the table, Ariana gave Layla a more serious look, trying to convey her concern through her eyes. “So like, I know you mentioned the gas station thing and you were looking through the trash for food. Do you, um- I don’t want to be intrusive, I can tell you’re nervous about this whole thing and trust me, I’m really holding back the normal speed I ask questions at, but I can’t let this one go. Do you have somewhere safe to stay?”

Her eyes shifted when she saw Ariana come back out of the restaurant. She could already smell the food, and it was making her mouth water. Climbing to her feet, she followed Ari to the picnic tables. Taking a seat across from her, Layla was trying to be patient in her wait for the burrito, but her stomach had already been growling fiercely, and when the food was passed to her, she tore into the packaging, until she realized how much of an animal she truly looked like, “Sorry, I was raised with manners. I promise. It’s just been so long…” Slowing herself down, she looked the food over and grabbed a plastic fork and knife. It took a moment, but with a deep breath, Layla had almost completely changed from being overly timid to looking like a normal human being. Back straight, despite her disheveled appearance, and a certain calmness about her demeanor, “If I’m going to enjoy this meal, I’m going to be as normal as I can about it.” She looked to Ariana, “To answer your question, no, not really. I sometimes sneak into one of the rooms over on...Torrence Street. I think that’s where it’s at. Or find a spot under one of the nearby bridges, if it’s not raining.” She cut into the burrito, and layered all of the veggies that had fallen out, onto her fork. The bite was like Heaven. “O-M-G. This is so good.”

Ariana left a soft laugh as Layla began to devour her food. She had barely got her own stir fry container open and Layla was already munching away. Poor girl must have really been hungry. As much was obvious enough by the dumpster diving, but a pang of sympathy hit her. She hated to think that Layla was constantly hungry. Although she and Celeste may have struggled from time to time, they were always able to catch food and cook it over a fire at the very least. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t care if you’re a neat or messy eater so I won’t judge you. If manners make you feel better though then go for it.” She tentatively took a few bites of her veggie stir fry. It was really good, the flavors and cooks on the vegetables were spot on, it could just use some beef. She looked up to Layla and listened intently as she spoke. There was no way she could let her go to sneaking into crappy motel rooms or sleeping under bridges. Not only was she a pretty girl, but there were other things besides them roaming around. “I know you may be scared right now and I probably haven’t earned your trust yet, but I can’t just let you stay out on the streets. It’s not safe out there, especially if you’re new to all of this like I think you may be. I’m staying with a friend for safety reasons, he’s a werewolf as well, but I know for a fact he’d feel the same and wouldn’t mind if you came back with me. You can also totally wash your clothes and stuff too.” She knew she was putting a lot on Ulfric, but from what he told her about how packs work and their duty to each other, she knew he wouldn’t want her to leave Layla to fend for herself on the streets. Ariana dove into her own lunch and began to devour her own meal. She giggled slightly at Layla’s raving review. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” she said with a small smile between bites, “Stir fry is also pretty good. I don’t normally eat a lot of vegetarian dishes.”

If the people in her high school had seen her now, from riches to rags, she would have definitely been knocked out of her spot on the squad and made fun of. While taunting and teasing was never her thing in high school, she had known some of the other popular girls to do it. Luckily enough, she had just gotten out of that environment before her life did a complete 180. But she had wondered what Frankie would have thought of her new lifestyle. Surely, she wouldn’t have judged her or ended things over petty ideals that some of the other high school girls valued so much. She could, however, understand if she had ended things for her safety and for the sheer fact that werewolves and hunters were pretty much non-existent in the world her girlfriend grew up in. And it wasn’t like Layla had said goodbye either, “I do.” She was lost in thought, and instead of keeping it to herself, it had accidentally slipped out, “I care, because I want that normalcy back into my life. I just want to be a teenage girl about to start college. To be back at home with my parents, despite what they did to me, and most of all to be with Frankie.” Tears were rolling down her cheeks, and she had put her plasticware down at some point. When she realized what she had done, she quickly wiped her eyes. She could spend another night out on the streets watching her back for mimes and other creatures that wanted her dead, or she could have a safe place to stay. Leg shaking out of nervousness, Layla bit at her bottom lip looking past Ariana, while giving the proposition thought, “You know what?” Looking the girl square in the eyes, she gave her an answer, “Fuck it. I’ll go. It’s not like I have anything left to lose. If you and your pack have any desire to kill me, then so be it. It’s better than having some fucking mime do it while I try to sleep. From what my parents told me, wolves have a certain way of doing things...I’d rather go out by my own kind, then by something else in this God awful town.” Leg still shaking, she grabbed her fork and knife and resumed eating in silence.

Listening to Layla speak and seeing her break down in tears left Ariana with a heavy feeling. What the hell happened to her? Whoever hurt her had clearly caused a fair amount of damage and she wanted nothing more than to help take some of that pain away. This was progress and she hoped opening up helped her feel better. She was clearly holding on to way too much. Ariana carefully went to the other side of the table and opened her arms, “I don’t want to hurt you, but if you’re comfortable with it, I’d like to hug you. I know we just met, but I really hate that you’re so upset and hugs usually help me feel better.” She waited patiently for an answer. Her new friend had only just begun feeling more comfortable with her, she didn’t want to ruin that by crossing boundaries Layla wasn’t comfortable with. “I’m sorry that whatever happened turned your life upside down. We can do that though, work on bringing some normalcy back to your life. Maybe getting a job or enrolling in classes. I don’t know who this Frankie is, but if you were to get in touch with them, would it become unsafe for you or them?” Though she knew she shouldn’t just be inviting people to stay with them, she still felt so much better knowing that Layla wouldn’t be out facing the world completely on her own. “Thank you for coming with me,” she said calmly, “I know you may not trust me, but I can promise you that no matter what, we won’t hurt you. If anyone tries, they’ll have to go through me first and trust me when I say, I’m way tougher than I look.”

Layla continued to eat, her leg not stopping, until she saw Ariana move to her side of the table. Refusing to look at her, she paused giving thought to if she wanted to be touched or not. Ari was sweet. And so far, Layla had found no plausible reason as to why the girl would try to do anything. Putting down her fork and knife, she looked up to her and nodded. She hadn’t felt a hug or human affection in so long. Back home, it had been one of her favorite things to do. Giving hugs had been her thing, so knowing that she was about to return one gave her a small sense of comfort, “I’d like that...normalcy. Maybe I’ll be able to find some sense of a purpose. I don’t know.” She let out a quivering sigh at the thought of Frankie, “Frankie’s my girlfriend. Or was...I don’t know if she’d want anything to do with me now, and I don’t know if it would be safe. The last thing I want to do is bring any kind of distress or drama to your group, especially when I don’t even know if they’ll want me there. And thanks...You seem pretty scrappy. Also, you might want to hold your breath, because even I don’t like the way I smell.”

All it took was a little bit of patience. Sure, they still had a lot to learn about each other, but Ariana was able to gain some semblance of trust from her. There was still so much she wanted to know and wanted to tell her, but they’d have time for that. Right now, her tendency to ask too many questions without really thinking it through wouldn’t do either of them well. It did make her happy that Layla was accepting a hug from her. She paid no mind to the fact that maybe she didn’t smell great right now. She wrapped her arms tightly around Layla and hugged her for a moment. “I know things may seem messy right now, but we’ll figure it out, okay?” She pulled away and nodded at the mention of her girlfriend. That had to be difficult, being separated from someone you loved by force. “I’m sorry it’s not safe to see her anymore. I know that has to really suck. And don’t worry about us. It’s not like I’m perfect and don’t come with my own load of crap. I know Ulf will want you there. He’s the actual best and the first wolf I’ve ever known. He’s done so much for me in the short time I’ve known him. Then, my sister, Celeste, is awesome too. Also, don’t worry about that. You’ll be good as new after a hot shower.” She finished off the last of her stir fry and threw it into the bag she brought it over in for easy disposal. She gently pat Layla’s shoulder and said, “I’m ready whenever you are. I’ll let Ulf know we’re both coming.”

The warm embrace of Ariana’s touch had Layla fighting back tears. It felt good just to be held and cared for in that brief moment of time. It was something she had missed greatly. And for a quick second, she let her mind think it was Frankie holding her. Pulling away, she forced back the lump of emotion that hung in her throat. Nodding ‘yes’ to Ariana’s question, she finished off the last of her burrito. The food and hug had been two things she had needed, and it seemed to make this one of the best days in a long damn time. If the home she was being promised was anything like Ari had claimed it to be, Layla could count this as definitely being the best day of her life, since becoming a werewolf. “I’ll see her again someday, even if it’s from afar. I have to. She’s my everything. Please forgive me if I don’t seem too excited to meet your sister and friend. I just…” She let out a soft laugh, “You know...I don’t trust people as easily as I once did, but I’m sure they're lovely.” She wadded up the paper her food was in. The pat on the shoulder had made her jump slightly, but she quickly calmed down, “I’m sorry. Habit.” Climbing to her feet, she glanced around town, before looking back to Ariana, “Ready.”

With everything going on and Lucas refusing help at every turn, Ariana felt relieved that she could help someone else for once. More than anything, she wanted to help them both make roots and find a sense of normalcy in all the craziness. Whatever it was that Layla so skittish, she hoped they could work through. The most important thing was that for now, she was safe and not actually starving. Ariana gave her a small but hopeful smile, “I get wanting to check on her. I can’t imagine how tough that must be.” She nodded and understood completely. Layla was hardly eager to meet her and Ari knew it’d take time for her to feel completely at ease with all of them. “It’s okay, I understand. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I know it can be hard to rebuild trust in people again. All I can do is give you a reason to rebuild that trust.” Touching Layla’s shoulder to comfort her had been a reflex and she felt bad as soon as she felt her jump, “Sorry. Habit on my end too.” With indication that Layla was ready to go, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and said, “Follow me, it’s a bit of the ways out, but it won’t take us too long. I promise you get dibs on the first shower. You can even borrow some PJs or something while we wash your clothes.”

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, November 30

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: The Kennedy family torn apart 

Page 2: Angry and isolated Caitlyn Jenner is on a downward emotional spiral that some friends believe have left her one step from the psycho ward -- she feels shunned by her own family and can’t find romance and is unhappy with with her looks -- Caitlyn is so tense and insecure and sensitive about everything so she’s diving into more and more prospective projects in a desperate effort to kickstart her flagging career and she’s flying off the handle all the time plus she’s tried to drown her sorrows in a new round of cosmetic improvements including a face-lift and lipo to trim her waist and thighs but she’s horrified she’s still not happy with her looks after all her surgeries 

Page 3: Lovestruck Halle Berry has leapt headfirst into a red-hot romance with Van Hunt but the singer is a skirt-chasing cheat -- Van and his ex-wife split in 2007 after she said he abandoned her and their only child to move to L.A. and she claimed the musician admitted adultery shortly before divorce documents were filed -- Halle would be disturbed to hear that Van walked out on his son because she’s a very family-oriented person and she could never imagine living on the other side of the country to her kids -- Van’s grown and matured since the divorce and is sure to have shared all about his situation with Halle and he’s said to be on good terms with his ex-wife but people say once a cheater always a cheater and that’s got to be at the back of Halle’s mind 

Page 4: Runaway Prince Harry is reeling after being publicly snubbed by his royal relatives and now he is having second thoughts about ditching his official duties for a glam life in Hollywood; he’s finally realizing just what he gave up when he left England with wife Meghan Markle and their son Archie and he’s wondering if it was worth it -- the simmering rift between Harry and the royals exploded after they refused his request to be part of Britain’s Remembrance Day ceremonies to honor fallen soldiers so Harry retaliated by staging a photo op at Los Angeles National Cemetery with Meghan with his military medals pinned on his navy suit; Harry was banned from wearing his military uniform when he quit royal duties and he also had to give up his military duties which devastated him -- photos from the cemetery released by the couple triggered an immediate backlash and they were accused of being shameless publicity-seekers trying to steal headlines and overshadow the royals doing their duty back home; it was a disaster and Harry was shocked -- he’s reaching out to the palace to make amends but calls to his brother Prince William and father Prince Charles have gone unanswered

* Katie Holmes and Emilio Vitolo Jr.’s hot new romance is in a pressure cooker as their families fight to claim the couple as their guests for the holidays -- things were going great for them but this tug-of-war may tear them apart because Emilio’s folks told him they want him home with them but Katie is desperate to spend Christmas with her relatives in Ohio and they really want to meet her new boyfriend and Katie is feeling guilty because she spends so much time with Emilio’s clan at his dad’s Manhattan eatery so she thinks it’s only fair that he does this for her but Emilio’s never missed a holiday gathering with his own family and there are a lot of them he hasn’t seen because of the pandemic 

Page 5: Celine Dion is finally ready to put the past behind her as the fifth anniversary of her beloved husband’s death approaches in January and she is planning to leave Las Vegas with their sons and she is pining to return to her native Quebec and give twins Nelson and Eddy and 19-year-old Rene-Charles a taste of her own childhood -- Celine had been careful to not upset her kids’ lives since the death of their dad from throat cancer but she now believes the boys would benefit from spending time in The Great White North -- she also thinks it might be more likely she’ll find lasting love in her home country 

Page 6: Defiantly plump Lizzo has ditched her diet and frightened friends are staging an intervention to get her to a fat farm to save her life -- Lizzo had committed to eating vegan after weighing in at 350 pounds but once on vacation it lasted like two days before she couldn’t take it any longer -- she has anxiety issues and uses food to comfort herself but the stress the weight is putting on her heart and other organs could have a detrimental effect on her health and cut her life short

Page 7: Mark Harmon and Pauley Perrette have agreed to meet for peace talks after a long-simmering feud triggered her angry departure from NCIS and Mark reached out to her to invite her back -- Mark feels bad about how Pauley left the show and knows she played a big role in its success and he’s anxious to set things right between them and bring back one of the show’s favorite all-time characters for fans -- Mark also feels he’s been painted unfairly in Pauley’s departure and would like to know he was not behind it but the two clashed for years with Pauley charging Mark’s bullying caused her to quit the show and Pauley even tweeted she is terrified of Harmon and him attacking her -- while Pauley is not saying yes or no to returning to the show she’s definitely willing to sit down and talk 

* The drama between sickly Phil Collins and his squatting ex-wife Orianne Cevey is really getting down and dirty with Orianne charging that Phil degenerated into a pill-popping addict who stopped showering and brushing his teeth and was impotent and she also claimed Phil became emotionally and verbally abusive and refused to provide emotional support or love or care for her -- Phil’s lawyers said Orianne’s charges are scandalous and scurrilous and unethical and for the most part patently false or grossly exaggerated

Page 8: Power-hungry host Savannah Guthrie is gunning to be the reigning queen of Today and is willing to walk over anyone to achieve her goal and her blind ambition is ripping the once-invincible morning show apart and she even used Al Roker’s prostate cancer diagnosis to push her own agenda and capitalize on Al’s absence for surgery to demand more airtime for herself -- every meeting starts with the focus on whatever Savannah wants and the staff is far from happy about it and morale has never been worse -- Savannah has constantly pushed the producers for Jenna Bush Hager and herself to take the lead on big news stories and keep Hoda Kotb stuck in the fluffy stuff and Hoda’s completely pissed off -- Savannah’s rising star has come with temper tantrums and diva-like demands -- fed-up Hoda recently met with friends of Gayle King and there is speculation the two women could make a powerful pairing and revitalize third-place CBS This Morning 

Page 9: Regis Philbin’s death certificate reveals paramedics waged a desperate 40-minute battle to try to save his life -- he suffered a heart attack just after 3 a.m. on July 24 at his home in Connecticut and he was rushed to the emergency room where medics fought to save his life but he eventually succumbed at 4:18 a.m. 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Queen Latifah on the NYC set of The Equalizer, socially distant host Ellen DeGeneres went the extra mile to greet guest Jimmy Kimmel on her talk show, Steve Schirripa and Bridget Moynahan shot Blue Bloods in NYC, Kristen Taekman prettied up her pout in L.A., Tracy Morgan attended the ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new community center at Brooklyn’s Marcy Houses 

Page 11: Smitten ‘70s TV stars Patrick Duffy and Linda Purl may owe their late-in-life romance to Zoom but according to the actress the couple didn’t rush their relationship -- the two have been friends for decades but a COVID-19 group video chat helped spark love during lockdown -- after one of their lengthy one-on-one conversations Patrick jumped into his car and drove 20 hours from L.A. to her Colorado home like a lovestruck teenager 

* Beloved Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek left behind a final touching message for his fans and it will be extremely moving -- Alex’s final message will follow his last episode of Jeopardy! set to air on Christmas Day

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Joel Michaely at the opening of The Comeback Trail (picture)

* Kelly Clarkson’s divorce meant she booted ex Brandon Blackstock out of her professional life but he’ll still be in her work life thanks to Blake Shelton -- Brandon might not be Kelly’s manager anymore but he still manages Blake which might get awkward when Kelly runs into him backstage at The Voice

* Keeping Up with the Kardashians is notching all-time low ratings and the family is blaming Kim Kardashian saying she’s lost her sense of humor and she’s too busy trying to be taken seriously

* Nitpicky Ryan Seacrest has ditched celebrity designer Nate Berkus’ husband Jeremiah Brent as his decorator because they had a nasty falling out over the renovation of Ryan’s townhouse in New York City 

Page 13: Steve Harvey’s daughter Lori Harvey escaped jail time after cops claimed she fled the scene of a Beverly Hills car crash in 2019 -- she was charged with two misdemeanors for hit-and-run and delaying a police investigation after she walked away from a smashup that damaged her Mercedes G-wagon and nearly destroyed another vehicle but she cut a deal with prosecutors and pleaded no contest to resisting arrest and will serve two years probation -- she reportedly had been texting at the time of the accident 

* Reba McEntire confirmed she turned down a regular role on The Voice which left the life-changing gig open for Blake Shelton -- Reba said she didn’t think she could ever tell somebody that they’re terrible 

* Cancer warrior Olivia Newton-John revealed she kicked a dependence on morphine with medical marijuana -- to cope with her pain during her third bout with breast cancer that had spread in 2017 doctors put her on mega doses of the highly addictive drug and she weaned herself off the morphine with the cannabis which she thinks is incredible and says people should know that because you’re not going to die from cannabis and you can use it to wean off morphine and she’s continued on a regime with cannabis ever since 

Page 14: Crime 

Page 15: Los Angeles’ newly elected District Attorney George Gascon has vowed to reopen the probe into actress Natalie Wood’s mysterious drowning and her husband Robert Wagner could finally be dragged before a grand jury -- Gascon said he’ll work with investigators from the L.A. Sheriff’s Department homicide squad to reexamine the case after the previous D.A. refused to present evidence to a grand jury -- Natalie drowned in 1981 while enjoying a holiday with Robert and actor Christopher Walken off Catalina Island 

Page 16: The Talk has been thrown into chaos by cast shake-ups and co-host Sharon Osbourne’s power grab and may be on the verge of being silenced forever -- staffers are expecting the worst after popular co-host Eve announced she was splitting after four seasons becoming the latest in a long line of damaging departures and while Eve blamed her exit on COVID-19 travel restrictions from England much of the blame goes to self-promotional Sharon’s relentless efforts to take over the show after former moderator Julie Chen’s departure last year -- Sharon has made it clear she’s in charge now and the other ladies are not thrilled with being reduced to supporting cast and fans have started calling for Sharon’s head 

Page 17: John Lennon’s widow Yoko Ono has sparked fears she’s nearing the end after handing her business dealings off to their son Sean Lennon -- the wheelchair-bound Yoko had been managing the late Beatle’s vast $800 million holdings since his 1980 shooting death but it’s now beyond her abilities

Page 18: American Life 

Page 19: Johnny Depp is writing and planning to star in a tell-all movie about his divorce war with loathed ex-wife Amber Heard -- after a U.K. court ruled he was physically abusive toward Amber during their marriage Johnny wants to tell the world his version of the marriage and he will set people straight about what happened and clear his name to millions to fans and he believes this is a slam dunk once he gets it in front of the right producer especially as he’s more than willing to play himself 

* The family of vicious Boston mobster James “Whitey” Bulger has filed a lawsuit against the federal government accusing prison officials of orchestrating the 2018 hit on the Mob boss -- the action accuses the Federal Bureau of Prisons of intentional or deliberately indifferent deeds that led to the murder of the wheelchair-bound mobster just hours after he was inexplicably transferred to the Hazelton penitentiary in West Virginia where he was beaten to death by prisoners to keep him from singing about corruption inside the FBI and the Department of Justice -- Whitey was bludgeoned with a padlock stuffed inside a sock and his murderers had enough time to cut out his tongue and eyes to make it seem like a classic Mafia hit 

Page 20: Angelina Jolie lives in constant fear one of her six children will be kidnapped and held for ransom according to her former bodyguard -- Angie and her ex Brad Pitt are worth hundreds of millions which Angie feared provided plenty of incentive for criminals to target her offspring

* Hollywood Hookups -- Sofia Richie and Matthew Morton dating, Sabrina Parr and Lamar Odom split, Daniela Rajic and Paul George engaged

Page 21: Justin Bieber’s pastor Carl Lentz lost his job over a steamy affair with an exotic beauty -- Lentz was fired from the megachurch Hillsong and his mistress claimed the two were in love 

* Wildlife lover Bindi Irwin has announced 20 weeks into pregnancy her baby is the size of a tiny emu -- she delivered the news flash beneath a photo with her husband Chandler Powell appropriately taken at the Australia Zoo

* Hugh Grant made a bizarre confession admitting his bout with COVID-19 left him wanting to sniff strangers’ armpits -- Hugh revealed he tested positive for coronavirus antibodies and believes he contracted the bug in February and the illness caused a feeling of an enormous man sitting on his chest but Hugh also claimed he was rattled by losing his sense of smell which is a known symptom of the disease and purposely sought out putrid odors to test his useless nose 

Page 22: Jailed Ghislaine Maxwell’s latest devastating court defeat has heightened fears that the woman accused of being billionaire sex fiend Jeffrey Epstein’s madam will die behind bars just as he did -- since July Maxwell has been locked up in solitary confinement at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center where her jailers subject her to daily strip and cell searches and is monitored 24 hours a day she doesn’t suffer the same fate as Epstein whose death was officially ruled a suicide -- now the U.S. Court of Appeals has denied her bid to publicly name the women who have come forward in the media and civil actions as Epstein’s alleged victims and implicated the British socialite in his twisted sex ring so the damning decision upheld an earlier ruling and shattered her defense team’s bid to investigate and refute the claims of the unnamed accusers

Page 23: Tom Cruise’s plan to shoot the first movie in space may be in jeopardy after Russia vowed to beat him to it -- Tom has teamed with tech billionaire Elon Musk’s SpaceX program to film the unnamed project on the International Space Station in October 2021 -- but a rival Russian agency plans to already be in outer space by then and the Russian film is titled Challenge and its team has sent out a casting call for a female lead -- Tom sees this as a gauntlet being thrown down and he always rises to the challenge and he’s told SpaceX they have to get up there before next October

Page 28: Cover Story -- Kennedy curse rips clan apart -- the family takes sides as Michael Skakel skates and William Kennedy Smith stalls $50 million will 

Page 32: Ric Ocasek’s oldest son has blasted him as a deadbeat dad who was never there -- Chris Otcasek who uses the original spelling of the family name wrote on Instagram that his father in essence died the day he was born and he was never present and he was never there -- Ric left his mom who was his second wife Suzanne while she was pregnant with their second child 

* Lisa Marie Presley has had a medical emergency so severe it brought her bitter custody trial with fourth ex-husband Michael Lockwood to a halt 

Page 36: Health, Ask the Vet 

Page 38: Pope John Paul II was aware that disgraced and defrocked Cardinal Theodore McCarrick was a pedophile but elevated him anyway to the powerful post of Archbishop of Washington D.C. in 2001 -- McCarrick had showered over $600,000 in donations on powerful clerics including Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict while facing allegations of abuse -- Pope Francis finally defrocked McCarrick in 2019 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Mandy Moore 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Emma Corrin as Princess Diana in The Crown 

Page 47: Odd List 

[juniperseeker]

Hair Blog

I know nobody asked for it but here's a list of thing I've learned from doing my own hair.

1. If you have frizzy hair, you don't have to get fancy with it, you can use a small amount of moisturizer (leave in conditioner, hair oil, or hair serum) to tame flyaways.

2. Less is more. Many hair products have multiple uses and you don't need a gazillion different things to for each hair problem. This may be trickier for people with curly hair because it can be unpredictable but you don't need much more than your wavy and straight haired peers. Just keep your hair healthy and you'll find you have more good hair days than when you didn't think about it. Once you find what works for you give away what doesn't. One person's trash may be another person's hack.

3. If you're vegetarian/vegan Don't assume your hair products are too.  I know it can be exhausting looking for things your trying to avoid in every single thing you buy and it's okay if you slip up but if you ever get curious be ready to handle that can of worms. This is where DIYing comes in handy and you can just mix your basic ingredients and see if a simpler approach works for you. (Don't forget honey is not vegan)

4. Some of you have already heard but washing your hair every day isn't exactly good for it. However if you're prone to greasiness and can't stand skipping a day or too you can save your hair by making sure you moisturize properly.

5. Which leads to my next point. Slapping oil on your damaged dry hair isn't helping. Sure it doesn't hurt much but oil locks in moisturize rather than actually moisturizing. Your best bet is to use hair oil right after you wash it while it's still wet. This will lock in moisture and prevent it from getting too dry as it dries. This is also a good way to protect your hair before blow drying.

6. Speaking of blow drying, yeah yeah we all know it's bad, so maybe save your hair washing days for when you have the time to let it dry naturally.

7. If your hair is long and not super curly you can speed up the natural drying process by running your fingers through your hair(while shaking your hand) and flip it back and forth on each side from time to time as it dries to help air get to it. (Ps, this makes for a good stim and can be fun while watching tv, taking a walk, listening to music, etc)

7 1/2. For those of us with tight curly hair, idk what to tell you, maybe ask for advice from other curly haired friends who know better than me.

8. Your hair stylist doesn't always know best.  I know there are a lot of professionals out there who really know their stuff and get the job done but there are also a lot who are in a rush and don't care about the health of your hair. All of them will say "Don't cut and color your hair yourself at home" and yes that's a good warning but... Think about it this way, when a hair stylist messes up your hair you get a bad mood indefinitely and are often just out the money but if you learn to do it yourself what you lose in risk you gain in experience.

9. Cutting and coloring your own hair can be devastating if you don't allow yourself to make mistakes. When you DIY your own style you're definitely going to mess it up so if you decide to go that route learn in baby steps. Pros of going to a pro-you'll probably get what you asked for, pros of learning yourself, you'll be able to rock styles that the professionals don't do.  I used to get asked to cut everyone's hair when scene hair was the thing because they weren't satisfied with the professionals who couldn't bring themselves to make it choppy enough.  Now scene hair is really a good DIY hairstyle anyway because it was probably started by DIYers and is meant to look messy, just like hair bands in the 80s. So I guess my point is, there are a lot of retro styles you can try while learning to cut your own hair. You'll save a lot of money and you'll always have more time to perfect your style.

9 1/2. There are probably more pros to finding a really good professional and I'm sure it's a good option for those of us who can actually find one but that wasn't the case for me.

10. Don't use a razor on your hair. Maybe, just maybe, an good professional can do it properly but I still wouldn't trust it. Razors slice open the hair cuticle and cause split ends. If you look at the anatomy of a hair strand you'll see that your hair grows within itself (like a tree) and slicing open the outer layer will cause it to fray away from the inner layer causing the split. The razor doesn't cut it off to a blunt end, like scissors do, where the hair can grow through itself the way it naturally would. Unfortunately, razors can easily slice down the strands exposing the inner layers. The only way to get rid of split ends is to cut them off so don't let a razor touch your hair. All it really does is give it the appearance of it not being freshly cut (unless a pro is using it as a lazy cheat to cut lots of layers fast) and the look doesn't last long before the cuticle curls away from the inner layer. If you like the look that much and get your hair cut every six weeks on the dot it can be fine with a trusted professional but otherwise I don't see it ever being a good idea to razor your hair.

11. Ok, on to coloring. Whether you're going to a professional or doing it at home, coloring can be fun or it can be messy. Remember that lifting (bleaching "lifting color") is more damaging than depositing (darkening) but any permanent dye will give you damage. Although depositing can be more damaging if you change your mind and want to go lighter because it's so much harder to lift colored hair than it is to lift virgin hair. If you're not ready to commit to your color until it grows out and gets cut off maybe try a direct dye (one that you don't mix with peroxide- overtone, manic panic, arctic fox{which, I'm pretty sure are all vegan so yay🙌})

12. But remember that all color is permanent to some extent as it is a chemical change to your hair. Even the direct dyes that work more like stain, you'll never be able to get it out 100%. That's why they ask for virgin hair if you're looking to get paid to donate it.

13. If you're bleaching!! Always be careful not to bleach hair that's already been bleached, especially if it's already pale yellow. It's not going to lift more; you've got to tone it to get it lighter. When touching up your roots don't be messy and put the bleach on the parts that are already blond because once it's had enough your hair WILL break off. This is why it's suggested that you separate your hair into sections beforehand. It's a lot easier to control where you put the color if the other sections are out of the way. That being said, bleaching can be fun and not scary if you do your research and don't make the same mistakes of others who bleach over and over and over again.  I have medium/dark brown hair and I've bleached it tons of times and have never had enough breakage to notice much of a difference in volume. But we all have slightly different hair chemistry so if your hair has never been bleached before you should do a hair strand test. some people's hair just isn't as resilient as others. (You can check out GuyTang for advice on coloring hair, he's one of the good professionals I've been talking about and even better because he's not afraid to talk about how things work for the DIYers)

14. You can check if your hair is breaking by checking the stretchiness before washing it out. If my hair started to get stretchy I always washed it out immediately. I'd rather have to wait a week or so to let my hair recover with a yucky orange/yellow than to have my hair break off. There is a point of no return but you won't know until you let it dry completely and deep condition it(on dry hair) so don't assume it's doomed and chop it all off just yet. Along with a deep conditioning mask you can also use a cholesterol or keratin moisturizer too that helps replenish protein in the hair and you can really save it if you've fried it. Just give it time and rest and lots of love.

15. You can also treat virgin hair as if it's as fragile as bleached hair if it's being really stubborn and isn't growing all that well. All of the moisturizing and letting it rest from hot tools and daily shampoo can help it get the boost it needs to grow.

16. Don't bleach hair that you're trying to grow out. I know it can take years but if you want super long blond hair let it grow first then dye it and root touch up (CAREFULLY) after it's the desired length.

17. For long hair, wear a hair cap to sleep in. It will keep your hair our of the way while you toss and turn and it'll minimize breakage. Once you get used to it you won't be able to sleep without it. It's like being able to have short hair while you sleep but it's still long when you want to show it off.

18. If you're starting to see gray hair, maybe learn to love it. Change your attitude because this ageist world isn't going to let you feel good about it but that doesn't mean you have to let that negativity make you feel bad for something we all will face one day. Besides if it's coarse and unruly dying it isn't going to change that. Focus on nourishing it rather than hiding it. Also this isn't to shame people who just would rather put in the effort to keep their once natural color because sometimes you just need to hold on to something that gives you a sense of identity but if you're hating on the color because "it makes you look old" then stop it. Your hair doesn't deserve the hate and being old isn't a hurting anyone so don't be a bully. You wouldn't tell your parents or grandparents to be ashamed of rocking the gray so don't say it to yourself.

(And if you would, then maybe just stop being an ageist asshole)

19. Some other common things you might read if you search for lists like this is, avoid hair ties because they can cause breakage and frizziness (you can use a clip or try to only buy the kind that doesn't have the metal part).   Your hair is fragile when wet so don't tug on it or rub it roughly with a towel. Instead pat or squeeze lightly from with a towel. Sometimes you'll find suggestions to wrap it in a t-shirt instead of a towel? Idk my poor ass has the cheapo towels that are probably made from the same material as a t-shirt but if you plan or wrapping it up for a few hours you can try that or a hair cap made for that. If you're growing your hair out don't cut it too frequently. A quarter of an inch once a year is plenty enough to keep the ends strong and healthy (depending on the person but a good window is 6-18 months{whoa big window, just whatever works for you}) Take vitamins... That's just good advice no matter what you're doing. (Look for vegan vitamins if you're vegan) Drink water lol, get enough sleep LOL.

Hey, add to it if there's something I missed, and as always thanks for reading my ramble 💖

[cenedrariva]

Our apocalypse comes softly

You see the reports on the news Angry people on twitter “A crisis! Armageddon! End of the world!” It doesn’t feel like the end of the world It doesn’t feel like a crisis It feels normal

You go to work, you come home The hours are longer than you’d like but you make enough to live You spend your free time relaxing That’s what you call it, at least Grabbing quick food and falling exhausted onto the sofa Netflixing

Sometimes you go out, sometimes you drink with your mates And that’s fun, that’s fine, that’s normal Sometimes late at night and drunk together, secret fears come out “Can I earn enough? What if they fire me? What if I can’t make rent? What if I can’t get food? What if I get sick and miss work?” “Well, you’ll always have a place on our sofa!” They smile and laugh, and you laugh too And when they whisper the same concerns you make the same offer It’s all normal, this is just what friends do

It’s a hot day again, and you’re grateful for air con You wonder how they did it back in the old days Back before electric fans and AC, how did they survive? Climate change, right? That’s what the experts say It couldn’t possibly have been much cooler, though. Could it? (you remember as a kid, everything was much greener) (that’s just nostalgia)

They say it’s an apocalypse, but they’re just fear-mongering You don’t live on an island, your home won’t flood (except for that bad flood, it was only a few years ago) You don’t live near the wildfires, your home won’t burn (but there’s been smoke haze for weeks, choking the city) It’s just fear-mongering, vegan hippie new age idiots Tree huggers yelling about saving the planet, they’ve been at this since the 60s and nothing bad has happened yet (if it was real, people would have done something by now)

You’ve been working minimum wage for years now It was only meant to be temporary, just while you sort out a better job You tried, you really did, you’ve worked at a dozen different places But they’re all the same, really Minimum wage with terrible customers, bosses who yell at you and fire people over facebook posts, and you feel your co-workers watching you, any one of them could report you to the boss “We all cry at work sometimes, just wipe off the tears and keep going.” It’s normal. Once you get a better job, things will be better

You swear bread used to be cheaper Chocolate too (you half-remember something about crop failures) (you half-remember something about monopolies) It’s just the way things are, you suppose Economic inflation and all that, food prices go up At least they aren’t like fuel prices, flipping from high to low and back every few days You hoard your chocolate and eat it slowly, save it for rainy days The price makes you wince

Rent keeps going up, utilities too, so you pick up extra shifts You get home and look for other work Not a better job, just something with flexible hours you can fit around your main one You’ll look for a better job on the weekend, when you have free time It never feels like you have free time Your friends recommend apps “You create your own hours!” “It’s delivering food!” “It’s basically like a taxi!” “I worked with them and saved enough for new headphones!” You wonder where your free time keeps going Everyone is rushed off their feet these days You don’t complain. It’s normal.

Apparently, a new war has started There are always wars going on but this one involves an ally nation There are recruiters everywhere, it seems You have no interest in the military, no interest in the war You’re tired a lot, and when you’re free you’re socialising best you can Group dinners, throwing your money together to make feasts instead of sad little plates You don’t have time to think about distant wars (you keep it in the back of your mind) You don’t want to hurt anyone (free accommodation, free food, a regular salary) But just in case everything goes wrong, it’s nice to have a backup plan

Fruit is so expensive now, veg too How can anyone stick to a diet like this? (webMD says you aren’t getting enough vitamins) (that’s why you’re always exhausted) It feels like months since you last had something other than an apple Berries always cost more, but this is ridiculous And half the time they’re not even in stock anyway (what happened to avocados?) You miss raspberries (what happened to all the bees?) You buy gummy bears The packet says they contain authentic fruit juice They taste authentically like gummy bears But that’s still close enough to fruit Sort of

The fires are bad this year, but they’re bad every year (they didn’t used to be) Towns destroyed, places you’ve heard of, places nearby (people huddling on beaches to escape the flames) The smoke haze is choking the city, everyone’s wearing face masks (the sky is orange most days) But it’s been like this for weeks and you need to get to work (can’t afford to lose your home air con) The smoke makes your eyes itch, makes you sneeze You ignore it One of your friends has asthma attacks each time they go outside They were fired for calling in sick too often You want to bring a little extra to the next group dinner, make sure they’re getting fed The group feasts seem smaller than they used to You must be remembering wrong This is normal

On the news, people are weeping So-called climate experts passionately arguing for clean energy As if anyone has the time, the money to do that (they’ve been asking for years) Activists calling for monopolies to be pulled down (you just want to sleep) Shorter work hours, higher wages, higher corporate tax (oh, if only) They call it a crisis (it’s always a crisis) They say we’ve crossed a tipping point (yet another tipping point) They’re wrong (if they were right, someone would have done something) This is just normal This is what normal is

[artificialqueens]

kaleidoscope (courtlaska) - citrus

A/N: the Kaleidoscope music video really really impacted me as a baby lesbian and honestly the taller girl gives me Alaska vibes anyway, so this kinda just… happened. enjoy!

Before her transition- and indeed, sometimes even during it- Courtney had hated the beach. She’d been constantly worried that people were looking at her, judging her, seeing through her carefully-curated exterior to see that she was a fraud or a fake. That was a long time ago, however, and that mindset was long gone. Now, the beach was her sanctuary, a place of peace, where she could soak up the sun and listen to the waves and feel free. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm, and she was going to enjoy it for all it was worth.

She was musing on these thoughts as she walked down to the place where concrete ended and sand began, making eye contact with a blonde girl as she passed. The other girl smiled at her, shamelessly checking her out as they crossed paths; she was tall and tanned and carrying a penny board, and Courtney couldn’t help but blush. What a cutie.

Realizing she’d forgotten her beach towel in her car, Courtney turned back to head in the direction of the car park. Whew, she thought as she closed the trunk of her car, towel tucked under her arm, that would’ve been a pain if I’d remembered any later. She kept her eyes on the horizon as she walked back, mesmerized by the sparkling water and the white sandy beach. Out of nowhere, she collided head-on with a body and fell flat on her ass.

“Oh my god, fuck, I’m so sorry!”

Courtney looked up to see the pretty blonde from before, crouching in front of her and offering her hand.

“It’s okay. I need to look where I’m going, I guess,” she said, cracking a smile as the girl helped her up. Noticing that her board was slowly rolling away, Court dashed after it and scooped it up, returning it to its owner with a shy smile.

“Thanks. I really am sorry.” She tucked a lock of long blonde hair behind her ear nervously, and Courtney noticed that she had pink stiletto nails and a few finger tattoos. When she looked up to make eye contact, she realized that the girl was looking at her chest, and blushed when she was caught. “I promise I’m not staring at your boobs,” she rushed out. “That’s a really pretty necklace.”

“There’s not much to stare at,” Courtney smiled. “But I wouldn’t have minded if you were.”

“Oh.” She smiled, reaching out to hold Courtney’s necklace between her fingers curiously, almost as if she wasn’t completely aware that she was doing it.

“It’s a kaleidoscope.”

The blonde’s nose wrinkled in confusion and god, it was adorable. “What?”

Courtney smiled and pointed to her necklace, her fingertips brushing against the blonde’s. “It’s a kaleidoscope,” she repeated. “A really tiny one. Wanna look through it?” She watched the girl hold it up to her eye, noticing that her eyes were dark brown, almost black.

“Wow. That’s really pretty.”

“Gorgeous,” Courtney agreed, though she wasn’t talking about the view through the kaleidoscope. The girl noticed and flushed again, biting her lip.

“What’s your name?”

“Courtney. Yours?”

“Alaska,” she answered, “Like the state.”

“That’s really pretty,” Courtney smiled. “It fits you.”

Alaska smiled back. “Thanks. I guess you’ll be wanting to get back to your friends, but it was nice meeting you.”

“It’s just me, actually,” Courtney admitted, perhaps a little too eagerly. “I usually come here by myself. It’s really nice to just…”

“Take it all in?” Alaska suggested.

“Exactly!”

“So you’re here alone,” Alaska stated. It wasn’t a question, but Courtney nodded anyway. “Good,” Alaska said, a mysterious little smile playing on her full lips. “I could use the company.”

They walked down to the beach together- or, rather, Courtney walked and Alaska skated. She was good at it, clearly, and Courtney was almost a little jealous.

As if able to sense her thoughts, Alaska stopped abruptly and kicked her board into her hand.

“Wanna try?”

Courtney shook her head, not wanting to make a total fool of herself in front of this super-hot girl. “I’ve never done it.” Alaska shrugged, and Courtney hated herself for noticing the way her biceps rippled.

“There’s a first time for everything,” she answered, taking Courtney’s hand. “C’mon, I’ll help you. If you’re not into it, we can stop. Just try it?”

Hell, Courtney couldn’t resist those big brown doe eyes. She conceded, and Alaska clapped her hands in excitement, dragging Courtney behind her to an empty stretch of concrete covered in bright, colorful graffiti. She placed her board on the ground, encouraging Courtney to plant one foot on it and showing her how to push off. Court fell the first time, but Alaska was quick, and managed to catch her. The second time, she managed to get both feet on the board and travel a few unsteady feet before losing her balance. Alaska seemed delighted by her efforts, and Courtney would fall off the penny board a thousand times if it meant seeing her smile like that.

“Here, let me help,” Alaska offered, placing her hands on Courtney’s waist to steady her as she made another attempt. Her hands were strong yet gentle, holding her just enough to keep her balance but not enough to push her, and Courtney felt butterflies in her stomach. With Alaska’s help, she managed to find her center of balance and stay on the board without falling, and soon Alaska was running after her, laughing into the wind as Courtney mastered the basics and skated down the sidewalk.

They stopped at the steps that led down to the sand, walking down them together and scoping out a spot to put their towels. When Alaska kicked off her combat boots- Combat boots? On the beach?- and her jeans, Courtney couldn’t help but stare. She was so damned pretty, her legs impossibly long and slender, the high cut of her American flag bathing suit making them appear even longer. With her height and her relatively flat chest, Courtney wondered fleetingly if Alaska was a girl like her. Any semblance of rational thought disappeared, however, when Alaska turned around to set her clothing down on her towel; holy shit, Court thought, this girl has a perfect fucking arse.

Alaska caught her staring and wiggled her hips. “See something you like?” she teased, pulling her long blonde locks into a high ponytail. Courtney blushed as she took off her own shorts and her cropped jacket, not saying a word. “God, you’re even prettier than I thought,” Alaska breathed, eyes sweeping over Courtney’s bikini-clad form. Courtney held back a smile as she smoothed down her plaits, reaching out for Alaska’s hand to give it a squeeze.

“Last one to the water is a rotten kangaroo!” she called, taking off in the direction of the waves.

“That’s so Aussie!” Alaska laughed, sprinting behind her to try and make up for Court’s head start. Courtney was no match for her long legs and athletic figure, and Alaska made it to the water way before she did, splashing her playfully when she arrived only moments after.

“You’re faster than I thought,” she laughed, a little short of breath. “I didn’t think this through.”

“You can make it up to me by coming into the water,” Alaska grinned back, holding out her hands. Courtney took them, gingerly stepping into the water and yelping when the cold waves lapped at her ankles. Alaska laughed. “Come on, it’s not that bad!”

“It’s coooold,” Court whined as she waded out to where Alaska stood, the water knee-deep for her and nearly thigh-deep for Courtney. Alaska pulled her close, pressing up against her body.

“I’ll warm you up.”

Alaska’s skin was warm, and she was tall and lean and soft against Courtney’s smaller frame, her arms wrapping around the tiny girl and feeling bare skin on bare skin. It was so nice to have Alaska’s hands skimming down her waist, resting on her hips, trailing down to her thighs…

“You’re so fucking cute,” Alaska murmured with a smile, and Courtney blushed.

“Thank you…”

“You were right, by the way,” she continued in the same low murmur, and Courtney found herself short of breath again from the sultry tone of Alaska’s voice. “This water is cold as hell,” she finished in her regular voice, reaching down to splash Courtney playfully.

“You’re the worst!” Courtney half-giggled, half-shrieked, splashing Alaska back.

“I said you were right!” Alaska protested, shielding herself from Courtney’s retaliation. She scampered out of Court’s reach, running through the waves with Courtney not far behind. There was something so freeing about running across the beach with Alaska, her laughter ringing in the air and harmonizing with Courtney’s own. She felt like she was on top of the world, and Alaska was there with her.

“Race you back to the towels!” Court shouted again, now that she knew just how competitive Alaska was. This time, her head start was too great for Alaska to catch up, and she made it there before the leggy blonde did.

“You’re mean,” Alaska pouted as she plopped down onto her towel.

“You’re a big baby,” she replied, and Alaska pouted harder, sticking out her tongue. “See?” Courtney snickered, “Baby.”

“Ooh, call me baby again,” Alaska purred, pretending to lean forward seductively. Courtney rolled her eyes and began reapplying her sunblock.

“Will you stop pouting at me if I buy you an ice cream?” Courtney teased. “I can’t handle those puppy dog eyes.” Alaska crossed her arms, turning away to hide the fact that she was smiling.

“Maybe.”

“What would seal the deal?”

Alaska turned back toward her, grinning widely. “Two scoops.”

It was Alaska’s suggestion that they share a cone, and Courtney admitted with a little embarrassment that she didn’t eat ice cream as she was vegan. Alaska’s eyes lit up, and she looked incredibly proud of herself when she presented the idea that they get sorbet instead. Courtney bought the sorbet cone while Alaska sunbathed and watched over their belongings, and the younger blonde looked delighted when Courtney reappeared with an already-melty cone.

“I can’t believe you actually got two scoops.”

“Raspberry and mango,” Courtney answered. “Are you gonna have some first or should I? I don’t want my hand to get all sticky with melted sorbet.”

“If you insist that someone has to…” Alaska grinned, darting forward to lick up the melting sorbet from the cone. They took turns sharing the frozen treat, and it was hard to ignore the tension between them as they were in such close proximity to one another. Neither of them quite knew who closed the gap first, but suddenly they were kissing, slow and open-mouthed, tasting sorbet on each other’s tongues. The kiss was sticky and sweet and Alaska moaned blissfully against Courtney’s mouth, enjoying everything about this moment. They only broke apart when Courtney cursed under her breath; the melting sorbet had finally ended up dripping onto her hand. She swapped the cone into her other hand, but before she could grab a napkin, Alaska’s tongue was dragging over her skin, licking up the melted sorbet. Courtney’s heart raced as Alaska made steady eye contact with her, sucking on two of Courtney’s fingers, where the sorbet hadn’t even dripped. Fuck.

Alaska pulled away with a sultry smile, stealing the cone out of Courtney’s other hand and proceeding to lick the sorbet in the filthiest way Courtney had ever seen in her life. She couldn’t help but blush as she watched Alaska finish off the cone; she obviously knew exactly what she was doing to Courtney, and she was clearly quite smug about it.

“Thank you for buying,” Alaska said breathily, depositing herself into Courtney’s lap and throwing her arms around her neck. Courtney was near-frozen as Alaska ground against her lap shamelessly, pressing sticky kisses to her cheeks.

“A-Alaska…”

The taller girl pulled back, looking earnestly into Courtney’s eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”

“I… It’s good, just… Not here, maybe?” She gestured to the beach full of people, and Alaska giggled, dismounting her lap.

“Right. I kinda forgot. You make me feel like we’re alone.”

“I come here a lot, there’s this little spot on some rocks, by a waterfall… We could go there if you wanna be alone.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to if it means we get to keep making out,” Alaska said simply, blissfully unaware of the way her words made desire twist in Courtney’s stomach. They packed up their towels and got dressed again, and Courtney took Alaska’s hand to lead her to the secluded spot. Getting across the rocks was a little tricky, so not many people bothered, much preferring the soft sandy beach. They could be completely and utterly alone.

The little rocky outcrop was, as Court had suspected, completely vacant. The only sounds were the waterfall and the birds, and it was clear from her expression that Alaska was in love with Courtney’s secret place.

“I love that we can still see the ocean from here.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Court answered, sitting down on the edge of a rock that jutted over a sparkling tide pool. “It’s one of my favorite spots.”

“It’s beautiful,” Alaska agreed wistfully, dropping her bag and sitting beside Courtney, allowing the older girl to lean into her and rest her head on her shoulder. Their legs intertwined and Courtney took Alaska’s hand, perfectly content to be sharing the view with her.

Courtney felt Alaska reach down, and she sat up with a grin. “If you’re about to splash me again, I’ll kill you,” she threatened emptily, and Alaska shrieked with laughter as she allowed the water in her cupped hands to rain down on Courtney. “Alaska!”

“You looked like you needed to cool down,” Alaska said innocently, “I was helping!”

“Sure you were,” Courtney grumbled, finding it impossible to hide her grin. Alaska mirrored her grin, leaning in to kiss her again, softer this time. No one was watching them, so Court could take as much time as she liked kissing Alaska, not having to worry about rude stares. Alaska shucked off her jeans between kisses, giving the excuse that she was hot, but by the way she was trying to pull Courtney to lay on top of her on the rocks, it was obvious what she was trying to do.

“I should’ve worn a bikini,” she breathed as Courtney lavished her neck with kisses, leaving a few love bites here and there. Court chuckled at that, stopping Alaska as she moved to take her entire one-piece off.

“This isn’t a nude beach,” she laughed softly, and Alaska pouted.

“I know, I just… I want you,” she admitted, squirming a little against the warm rock. Courtney smiled and lay down beside her, cuddling up to her as her fingers crept down Alaska’s body. She pulled the crotch of her bathing suit aside, and Alaska gasped shamelessly. “Please…” Courtney kept kissing her, deep and slow, as her fingers parted Alaska’s folds and found her already wet and wanting.

“You weren’t joking about wanting me, huh?” she hummed in the younger girl’s ear, and Alaska whined in desperation and embarrassment.

“No… I want you so bad, Courtney…”

“There’s only so much we can do in a semi-public area,” Courtney teased her, dipping down to collect Alaska’s wetness and spread it all over her slit. Alaska gasped, her breath coming out in little pants and whines as Courtney slowly, languidly rubbed her clit, trailing kisses down her neck.

“Please, please, please,” Alaska breathed, arching into Courtney’s touch, impossibly aroused by the lazy way that Courtney was getting her off. Fuck, she’s so fucking hot. “You’re so… good at this,” she whimpered against Courtney’s lips, her thighs trembling as Courtney brought her to the edge easily. With one more deep, searing kiss, Alaska was falling off the edge, melting under Courtney’s fingertips and dissolving into pleasure.

When she came back to Earth, Courtney was replacing the crotch of her bathing suit and kissing her soundly, arms holding her close.

“You are incredible,” Alaska mumbled, basking in the afterglow. Courtney pulled away to wipe her fingers on her thigh, sitting up and admiring Alaska in her semi-liquid state.

“You’re adorable. I never asked if you lived around here or were just visiting.”

“I’m about half an hour away,” Alaska answered, basking in the sun. “You?”

“About the same,” Courtney answered. “I come here when I can, but work keeps me busy.”

“What do you do?”

Courtney shrugged. “I’m a barista right now, but I’m trying to make music work.”

“I bet you have the voice of an angel,” Alaska smiled, sitting up and twirling a lock of hair around her finger. “I’m sure you’ll make it work if you really love it.”

“I hope so too,” Courtney smiled. “What about you?”

“I’m in school for theatre.”

Court look at her in surprise. “You’re young,” she blurted out. She’d expected Alaska to be closer to her own age, with the way she carried herself and the maturity she exhibited, so Courtney was a little taken aback to hear that she was still in school when she herself had graduated with her masters degree around three years ago.

“I’m twenty-four,” Alaska laughed. “I’m finishing up my masters in music theatre.”

“That’s incredible. You’re a singer too, then?” Alaska nodded. “We should get together sometime and just… sing.”

Alaska scooted closed, her hand on Courtney’s thigh. “Mmm, or we could do… other things.”

“Didn’t I just get you off?” Courtney teased. Alaska shrugged, resting her head against her shoulder.

“I’m too hazy to come up with a good response to that.”

Court laughed. “It was that good, huh? I’ve half a mind to take you home with me and ravish you.”

“Mmm, I’m not opposed even a little bit. I took a Lyft here, if you’re offering.”

Courtney smiled at her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Mind staying ‘til sunset? It’s my favorite part of beach trips.”

“I’d love to.”

The sun crept below the horizon lazily, like it was trying to make every moment between the new acquaintances last a lifetime. Even as the daylight faded, Alaska’s skin held the warmth it had soaked up all day, keeping Courtney warm and happy as they sat together on the rocks, watching the sky turn from blue to pink. When it began to sink into lavender hues, Courtney hopped off the rocks and shouldered her bag.

“Ready to go?”

Alaska stood up and took Courtney’s hand with a smile.

“With you? Anywhere.”

[thesustainableswap]

Making Peace With Failure.

I am failing. I have failed. All throughout my life. But I am learning to look at my failures with happiness, rather than regret or sadness. Often times, things we have performed badly at become things we are ashamed of. I have a serious case of imposter syndrome where I feel like I have to have complete knowledge on a subject before I speak about it which leads to me feeling deflated and not good enough - but I’m working on it.

I try to remind myself that failure happens in everyone’s life. Often. I’m trying to live a zero waste, vegan, and sustainable lifestyle but do I slip up sometimes? Yes. Are people perfect? No. I’ve met people who shop secondhand but still eat a diet heavy in meat. People who are vegan but still buy bottled water. A lot of people when they hear that I am a vegetarian on the cusp of veganism, or when I talk about my blog, think I will shout them down for their lifestyle, but I have always had the mindset of, if everyone does a little - that would help a lot. That’s good enough for me.

So what do I do when the impending doom of potential failure looks at me in the mirror? I try to recognise it as myself. Because I am the person who brings my failure into my life. It’s important to not dwell on the bad stuff and find the positive in everything, so I’m going to share some of my failures with you, and why they were positive moments in my life.

1. I was in a small time band and we were doing okay, but then we split up.

I look back on this moment now and I am relieved it didn’t work out (much to my Dad’s dismay. Sorry Dad!) I was the lead singer of Chase The Enemy, don’t worry if you haven’t heard of us, we really weren’t a big deal. I definitely thought, in my teenage brain, that we were going to be the next female fronted rock band. We had embarked on two very small tours (very small, pretty much around the South East of England), and had also started to have some small features in magazines like Rock Sound, Kerrang! and Big Cheese. Sounds exciting, but this period was a really unhappy time in my life, because my 16 year old self felt like she was going through the biggest heartbreak of her life. In fact, I was in a breakup for roughly around two or three years. It was one of those relationships that really dragged on, and my mental health also took a turn around this time, where at 18 I had a severe panic attack in which I genuinely thought I would die (because as we now know, panic attacks feel like heart attacks). If that band hadn’t split up, there’s a chance that terrible relationship could of dragged on and my mental health would have continued to deteriorate. I can look back on the band now and see the highs, because I’m no longer living in the lows. That is the positive for me. I am thankful every day that the band split up.

2. I struggled to get into drama school, and when I was accepted I couldn’t attend.

I took two gap years to audition for acting courses at several drama schools in London. This also overlapped with my panic attack which I’d mentioned previously, as the band had ended as this portion of my life was beginning. I really didn’t like drama school auditions, as most of the time I felt like cattle. Honestly. Some of the schools seem to cram hundreds of people into a room. It feels uncaring. I had desperately wanted to attend LIPA and got a recall for the course during my first gap year. When I went back for the second round I remember having to lie on the floor in a movement class and pretend I was in a bubble and it could be made out of whatever I wanted it to be made out of. The teacher would let us know if it got bigger or smaller and then would ask us how we were reacting to said bubble. So there I was, on the floor of a school in Liverpool, feeling completely stupid because I couldn’t pretend that I was in a bubble. Because there was no bubble. I was devastated when I was rejected, and in my second year of auditioning I didn’t even get a recall. I finally got accepted at a school in New York. Wowzers. But surprise surprise the fees were ridiculous so I had to close that chapter as soon as it opened. Luckily, in 2015 I was accepted at ICMP where I studied Vocal Performance - and music was my first love so everything clicked into place. I ended up with a first class honours degree and learnt so much from my amazing tutors there. I also met some friends for life, and the love of my life. So, sometimes failings lead us to what we were truly meant to do.

3. I have no clue what I’m doing now.

I know - can this one really be a failure when I haven’t listed anything specifically that I’ve failed at? Thoughts are strange things, but here we go: I moved to France with my partner because of Brexit and we currently live with his family. I write music and have been recording an EP. I started this blog because I have a passion for sustainability and wellbeing. Right now these sound like statements of things that are happening, but I have already felt like I’ve failed at all of them even though they have only just begun. Moving back in with family after university and years of independence always feels like failure at first. You’ve just graduated. You’re meant to be in the real world but instead you find yourself clueless with no idea where you’re going. I studied music, I love to sing, I’m currently writing songs and planning to start gigging next year, but I’m teaching kids English five days a week and making them toast. And then, when it comes to posting on this blog sometimes I don’t feel like I have the credentials to even be raising my voice. But from all of these internal failures and feelings I’ve learnt that patience is key. And happiness comes from within us. I may just be an English speaking nanny to the kids I look after, and I may just be my partner’s girlfriend to his family, but it is so valuable to take the time to ask yourself what is important in your life. To assess all of your failures, and make peace with them.

So, I read a lot, I listen to way too much of the Deliciously Ella podcast, and I spend time with my partner and our cat. I write on this blog and record music in my spare time. I try to focus on the now rather than the future. With each failure, I count my blessings and am thankful for each one. Because if I had got into drama school in Liverpool, or had world wide success with the band I was in, or not moved to France, I wouldn’t be here, now. I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t of met the same people and formed any of the relationships that are so special to me. Failures are a wonderful thing, because they guide us on our journey to discovery and purpose.

Until next time,

The Sustainable Swap.

(P.S - some of my favourite books at the moment: Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat, The Imposter Cure by Dr Jessamy Hibberd and Brain Changer by Professor Felice Jacka. Also one of my best friends has just started an Instagram for her book collection check it out at Dog Ears and Coffee Stains)

[purplesurveys]

594

How are you today? I’m doing okay. My classmates in my least favorite class, Newspaper Layout and Design, have been a big pain in my ass and I’ve been carrying the entire class on my back because no one has the initiative to start giving a fuck about the requirements (I’d want to not give a fuck either, but someone has to and I’m probably the most grade-conscious person in that class) – but it’s a Friday and I’m having amazing coffee right now so it balances out. Do you have mean comments that replay in your head and haunt you? Not really. Some days I’ll remember the one hate comment I got on my ask.fm which led me to delete my account altogether, but it doesn’t bother me because I kinda proved that person wrong eventually.

For context, they told me I should stop wishing to be in UP so bad and to actually pass the entrance exam first before I’m allowed to talk about how much the university means to me. Joke’s on them – I passed the UPCAT not long after. Doesn’t mean I’d forgot the demotivating message, though.

^If so, do you know why that is? I always want to please people and thrive on compliments, so I’m bound to remember every single bad thing anyone tells me. What are you currently worried about, if anything? I’m worried about my deadlines for my Layout class. The requirements are a group effort, and so long as my classmates don’t start moving, I can’t really pass my parts anyway because I have to wait on them. UGH Did you go Black Friday shopping this past Black Friday? Pls stop asking me first-world references

^If so, what was the best deal you got? Have you ever been Black Friday shopping? What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? Do you wear a watch every day? No. Wearing them always makes me feel like there is something on my wrist, and that bugs me haha.

Pineapple or pepperoni? I don’t like either. All-cheese pizzas are my favorite. What food makes you feel nauseous? Not to say that it makes me feel like vomiting or dizzy, but I was never really a big fan of blue cheese. I can handle it on my pizza and sometimes its flavor jibes well with the other cheeses, but the taste always sticks out so I’m not particularly obsessed with it. Have you ever seen a spirit? No. When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I want it traditional, so I’m going with green. It’s gonna have all sorts of decor like baubles, snowflakes, tinsel, leaves, etc. My family has always made an effort to make our trees look super nice and detailed and I wanna pass that on when I have my own place and maybe even kids down the road. Name 3 youtube channels you've been loving lately. HiHo Kids, Mankalor, and Moon Jeongwon’s vlogging channel. Do you have a youtube channel? I do but it’s only so that YouTube can tailor my homepage to what I’m into at the moment, and so that I can like/dislike videos haha. I don’t post my own content. ^If so, does your family approve? ...I don’t think they should have an opinion about me owning a YouTube account. But in any case, they don’t really mind. What do you think about the new "for kids" or "not for kids" rules? Like, parental control? I guess it’s a good thing. Kids have always had very makulit hands and end up seeing stuff they’re not supposed to. Makulit is a Filipino word that defies translation, but I guess the closest thing to it is either mischievous or restless.

Case in point: Back when I was in high school, I was working at one of the library computers when these Grade 1 kids sat at the computer beside me. They were searching images of the movie Frozen and it was all normal for a bit, but they scrolled too far down and eventually they landed at this very questionable manip of Elsa and Anna doing some stuff that kids that age definitely shouldn’t be seeing. ^ Do they affect you? No. I’m neither a kid nor a parent. What is the most disgusting thing you have ever eaten? [slight trigger warning for the vegans!!! Sorry, Filipino cuisine can sometimes be a lot to take for non-Filipinos]  I’m super adventurous when it comes to food so I haven’t found anything I’ve tried disgusting. I don’t particularly like the flavor of bopis (pork/beef lungs and heart) and pinapaitan (goat and ox innards meat flavored with bile, tamarind and chillies), but I don’t find them disgusting, and I’d still eat them if that was served at a family party.

What food is so disgusting you could absolutely never eat it? Dog/cat meat. Do you like sushi? Love sushi. What color was the last sweater you wore? Gray. Name 3 material items on your wish list right now. Nintendo Switch, a new pair of shoes (wow I really am a grown-up), and cash. Are you planning on doing Vlogmas (for youtube) this year? No. Zoella’s the only person I know who still does lmao Have you ever done Vlogmas before? No. Have you ever made money off of youtube? Omg no Are you happy that the year is coming to an end? SO HAPPY. 2019 felt like it was three fucking years long. Have you ever bought a designer purse? I haven’t bought any with my own money. Do people tell you that you look sick when you wear a certain color? No? ^If yes, what color? Do you consider yourself creative? Not at all. ....outgoing? Kinda. It depends on the situation. If I’m meant to be doing something I like or hang out with people I know, I can be very outgoing; but if it’s an unfamiliar situation, I tend to be more shy and let other people lead the way. ....free-spirited? I don’t think I’d call myself that. ....shy? Yep, at first. ....socially awkward? It’s a hit or miss. Sometimes I’m great with socializing; other times I just miss the mark. Do you often feel alone? Mostly during the Christmas season. Otherwise it’s an on-off thing for me, but the loneliness is for the most part turned off. What could be the theme song to your life? I never know what to answer in questions like this. My life has had a lot of phases and it’s hard to sum it all up into a single song. List three new songs you've discovered this year that you like a lot. I Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House, the Summer section of Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons (thanks, Portrait of a Lady on Fire), and Joji’s Dancing in the Dark. If you could win a shopping spree in any store, what would it be? Fully Booked. Do you wear jewelry often? Very seldom. List 10 of your favorite girl names. I list them on surveys all the tiiiiiimeeeeeeeee. Uhh Olivia, Mia, Arden, Harper, Juliana/Julia, Isabella, Elizabeth, Charlotte, Lily, Emilia. I’m feeling the name Eloise tonight too, so let’s throw that one in as a runner-up. List 10 of your favorite boy names. Miguel, Joaquin, Javier, Jacob, Mason, Noah, Liam, Seth, Leon, Luis. Andres is also good, so I’m putting that in even though it’s name 11. List 10 girl names (or up to 10) that you don't really care for. That’s so many and possibly offensive :((((( I’ll just go with boomer names like Sally, Linda, Agnes (sorry to my Lola, who’s named Agnes), Karen, Pamela, Susan, Brenda...and maybe more common ones like Angela, Marie, Sam. List up to 10 boy names that you don't really care for. Not a big fan of boy names in general, but ones I don’t particularly like nor dislike are names like John, George, William (lmao just naming all the royals now I see LOL), Benedict, Jeffrey, Donald, Michael, Daniel, Drew, Mark. How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real? Five. I didn’t find out; I just put the clues together. Do you own a Polaroid camera? Nope. I want one though. ^If so, what color is it? List one past regret. The one dumb thing I did in one of my classes where I forgot to submit something on time, and I had to make do with a late submission, which would already have deductions. Do you own Converse, and if so, what color? i used to; they were red. I stopped wearing them after a bit though so my mom threw them out. We have white Chucks now – my sister brings them with her in her dorm but when she’s home, I’d borrow it sometimes. What color was your senior prom dress? Let’s plz avoid talking about the stuff we purposely want to forget Are you colorblind? No. Name the people you know who are colorblind. Nobody, other than the colorblind folk on Twitter/Tiktok who make wholesome videos separating different colors of Skittles or M&Ms heh. What's one pet peeve of yours? People who DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF TWO LANES YO WHAT’S UP WITH Y’ALL Would you ever consider a career in writing? Sure, I’m kinda headed that way anyway. What was the first thing you wanted to be when you grew up? Astronaut. What was your first favorite color? Purple. What is your favorite color now? Pink or black. Do you know a lot of people with the same middle name as you? Yeah, Isabelle is very common. But where I live it’s usually spelled Isabel or Ysabel. Do you like the name Brynn? Not really. It sounds very 2010ish, wherein people would give their kids double-N’s like Kaitlynn, Rylinn, Brooklynn, Ashlynn and I was never a big fan of that trend (except for Finn, Flynn, and Quinn, which I find cute). List five names you hate the spelling of. Literally those 4 names I just mentioned. Oh and in the Philippines, there’s this trend of putting H’s on otherwise normal names, e.g. Jhulia, Mhae, Ghabriella, Mhark...it’s common in the lower classes so I don’t judge, but like it’s just not really not my taste lmao. Do you watch Niki and Gabi on youtube? No. Do you watch Brooklyn and Bailey? No. ....Bethany Mota? No. But I did see her once when YouTube held a FanFest here in Manila and she was part of the lineup. ......Gillian Bower? ....LaurDIY? .....Family Fizz? ....Chronically Jaquie? No to literally all of those. Have you ever purchased a youtuber's merch? No they are always way too expensive lol ^If so, what did you buy?