#and it will be a fluid thing that changes as i plot and further develop him

[trickstercaptain]

     so apparently it’s not enough for me to just figure out and list Jack’s tattoos, instead my brain is only satisfied if i make an entire body map to provide a visual guide to both his tattoos and his scars in both canon and modern verse lmao

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

The witcher review - part 2

So here we are… this is the hardest post for me to write. Because I have to fight my inner rage to think straight and keep as much of cool as I can while I write. This is rare.

As always since the announcement, the general consensus is to hate no matter what, and I won't lie, it's driving me crazy. I had even a breaking point not long ago, stumbling on an "article" mourning Hector the horse that won't come back for S4, and turning a not returning actress as she left the boat for implicite bad scripts whereas her character is simply not returning story wise (in the books also).

Do I have to mention the constant rain of bad comments on every video or official posts ? Or the vast majority of the articles and reviews are over focused on one thing only, erasing from the existence of every other good work done ?

Because yes ! Curiously there is good work in there too. Sheer stupefaction ! The series is not that bad. And do you believe it ? Quite book accurate in the global storyline also !

Am I a tad sarcastic there ? Yes. Not in my points though. But I am really REALLY pissed off. And this is my last stand. I understand that I am a drop in the ocean. A little shit screaming into the void. A stupid arse loving the series for the stories it offers.

So… if you are still here, that's because you surely are in the same state of mental exhaustion than I am. Maybe angry too, or sad. Maybe you liked the series also and want something else to read other than "burn it down !".

[Pretty accurate representation of myself]

So... Here is the short version for those who don't care about the development of my review :

I loved it. Yes !

A lot of emotions.

Geraskier. I rolled down the hill again so hard and so fast that you can see burning traces on the grass on my path lol.

Buckled some storylines from the first season for the main characters and secondary characters too.

Perfect ? Certainly not. There are problems and I will address them.

Book accurate ? Mostly yes but no at the same time. The story is there, not told the same way. There are twists and changes but the checkpoints are validated and cohesive (believe it or not), catching up books threads and the divergent series' too. Some almost straight out of the pages in this second part too.

Proper send off to Henry ? If you aim for fulfillment, then no. But his ending matches with the beginning of the Hansa, so I am personally happy with it. Also it had more depth than what it seems.

So now behind this break, I will spoil the series in great lengths, as much as the books. I will probably go further than Time of Contempt because they included pieces from Baptism of Fire. Again I will say what works and what doesn't in my opinion. I am not on a solo thread of thinking.

But you know I guess even some gray is giving light in this infamous soup darkness. So let's go !

Warning : it contains mature subjects.

[Important note : I have read the RI article about Tomek giving explanations about plot simplification. I will address this in the flow in my review. Well kinda].

My detailed general point of view :

Even with a lot of twists and turns, I did like the series part 2 (and the series overall !). The second volume had me having emotional roller-coasters. If you care for any characters, they have their moments of raw emotions. Secondary characters included. That moment between Fringilla and Francesca for example or Tissaia's farewell… 😢.

Everything emotional with Jaskier had just me on my knees… 😭

It goes pretty much by the books in terms of events and uses pieces of them as framing devices. For the twists. Some are good, some less. What we have the most is one character doing something another would normally do. But most of the time this is fluid and it doesn't bother me much. Mostly I liked, loved even, the stories that were told behind.

In the middle ground. I don't see it as bad but more as an irritating thing.

There is a big change of plot with Yennefer (again) but this is more a problem of how to tell the story afterwards more than a big wrong like in S2, and I am just curious how they will handle some storylines from there. The irritating part though is that they have a tendency to use her too much for everything, so she runs everywhere. This is quite frantic in episode 6 but then it slows down fortunately.

Also the series doesn't fully go on the darkest side of the books. The rating 16+ is a bit overlooked in my opinion. There is blood and some monsters but this is a soft 16+. There is real gore in the books and the subjects are far more disturbing. The flesh monster tries to compensate for what is not told about Vilgefortz's experiments for example. But the mage is a f.cking lunatic. And if you felt bad for Geralt after his fight with him, go get some brutal internal pov of Geralt while he is literally destroyed. Also a part of Geralt's arc with the parallel with Ciri is more disturbing in its core. But they didn't go as far as with the Rats (yet ?) so they crafted another motivation, which is not a bad one, by the way.

This is middle ground to me because, for sure it would have challenged the viewer more, but some subjects may not be easily validated to show on screen to fill the rating.

On the wrong side (yes because I am not in a tunnel - I see goods and bads), for me there are some strong editing problems that put an uneven rhythm that can bore or frustrate, depending on the part. I was not bored but a bit frustrated sometimes so I can understand why some were annoyed, let's put it that way.

They seem to rush for the plot, cutting some breathing moments or dragging on some other parts. With a recurrent issue to make us feel the passage of time

For me this is what severes the series the most, especially in the second volume.

Also, on the visual effects, there are some issues too. Something is sadly unfinished there. It feels like the deadline was an immovable obstacle and they tried to rush everything they could in it.

So, here we are. Now I will detail everything ! Compare with the books when I can etc. Because I can't bear anymore reading all this dry "they did not respect the source material" thing, to say it politely. Maybe I will be annoying as hell. But this is how I work. I have feelings, I have opinions, like everyone else I can be passionate, but I can justify my position and I will do it.

SO !

Book accuracy ?

First, because I have to play dumb, these are the large blocks of the Time of Contempt only, just to have a visual idea of the proportions of the stories.

So now please tell me there is too much of Ciri, too much mages, too much politics… ** cough cough **

OK let's go. As I said in the short version, accuracy is a yes and a no for me. Let's begin with the no.

Things happen pretty much in the same chronological order but like in an alternate version of the books. In some events, this is not always with the good character carrying the moment. But this is the case from the beginning of the show. And although I found this strange sometimes I never felt confused by it. Some of them are necessary compression of narratives, some are holding arcs to fulfill and become relevant at the end. And the arcs, the stories told, are what appealed to me the most.

A large part of those switches comes from the invented parts for secondary characters. Because they had written things in advance. Why did they choose to set up a lot of them from S1, you say ? Because otherwise we would have to deal with a massive drop names with everyone having their agenda, popping out of nowhere, and trying to have the big part of the cake this season (2 to 4 in my picture). What would happen then ? Confused audience for those who haven't read the books or play the games. And if you tell me, but we are the audience ! Then why I read so many : "Why the politics ? Why Ciri desert thing ? Why the sorceresses ? This is boring and long, why no monster hunts ?" Well… 👆.

At least, I can understand the last statement from the gamers because the story is rhythmed by the hunts, but for the rest, lads, this is the book for Time of Contempt and a part of Baptism of Fire.

And this where my "yes this is accurate" lands.

Time of Contempt particularly contains a f.cking loads of politics, of mages and a lot of Ciri. Sure Geralt is the main POV in a good amount but in the politics part for the most of it. This is basically him in rooms with people, discussing. He doesn't do much other than that. To be fair, there are always good fights, he has always good fights, and this books provides, but the monster fights are not that over present and overall, Geralt is reluctant to kill in general except when he has to protect. He fights people… The real monsters of the stories.

What did I find book accurate in this second volume ? The Thanedd coup setup (the battle is almost pure entertainment). Ciri in the desert, definitely. Some parts of Brokilon. Tissaia's death is delayed in time but accurate. Dijkstra and Philippa general plot in Redania even if simplified. The false Ciri at Nilfgaard. Geralt on the road with Jaskier and Milva at the end.

The issues

As I said, for me the problem is really the choice of pacing that makes some parts feeling dragged and others rushed. Particularly in episode 7. This is the most book accurate part with Ciri, but the pacing of what is before and after makes it odd. She is the only one we feel the passing of time for. The Brokilon part almost not. But technically days had passed too.

I understand what they did there, trying to make us feel her isolation, but putting two parts with different rhythms together that way was what makes it crumble. Making a parallel between Ciri's struggle and Geralt's would have maybe corrected the pacing, and just having scenes with places, travel from afar, something that links the time and space with the characters (they did that a bit with the first episode and that was great !). But distance and time is an ongoing problem on this show.

Speaking of time, note that in the books Geralt stays a long time in Brokilon healing. A month like. And he was in a very bad shape for a long time during this period. This is for those who are unhappy to have him stuck in a bed moaning for too long.

Then the last episode has the major shift from the book with Yennefer. The birth of the Lodge of the sorceresses has one of the best ending arcs and the most twisted storyline with dragged moments. I am not against Yennefer being in the heart of the Lodge with Philippa doing her things on the side, because I understand that having that part told without main character to connect with would be hard for a lot of people but the fact that Yennefer is used has a plot insert too many times irritates me.

The scene where she heals Geralt for example is one that I don't like. In terms of emotions, this is great. But for Geralt this is wrong. I hope the healing is not complete, for S4, like in the books. Because the fact that he is experiencing phantom pain is a part that makes his journey psychologically interesting.

Now, that said !

And this is where I'll develop the good parts for me. And I am sorry if I become (even) more sarcastic but you know… I do what I can with my bleeding heart in front of so much hatred.

The arcs

This is where a lot of people sadly give reason to Tomek about the need for simplification, in my opinion.

They did simplify the plots, true that, but as soon as there are some under layers to dig, this is the big farewell of the crowd. Because I read things like : volume 2 is empty. Geralt is barely in it or without depth. They did wrong to him.

Know that if they really had stopped where Time of Contempt ends, then you would have just Ciri in the desert and the Rats. Final dot (cf my picture).

And if this is empty to you, maybe this is because you've erased the plotlines from your memory, or defining a character the way it is done in the book is not for you.

The series plays with circular references and mirroring characterisation but I guess this is unimportant. Lazy. Irrespectful. Uncaring. Or whatever. Because this is not forefront.

Maybe you wanted more than a rampage at a post frontier and the walk into the mist. I can understand that this is not satisfying in terms of fulfillment for his presence, I really can, but there is closure for his arc too in there.

But maybe you missed the full circle in this part of the journey for him too. And if you didn't. Maybe you don't care. I don't know...

I am not above anybody else. I watch things with my own perspective. Maybe you think I am stupid or currently arrogant or overlooking things. So be it. I am the stupid one then. I don't mind. But I'll do it anyway. I'll do my shitty analysis. So many scream. I have the right to stand my ground for what I appreciate. Who would read this anyway…

So let's get into the thematics and dig everyone's plotlines, shall we. I will divide this into parts and develop many characters through those aspects.

Blood family vs found family

Vulnerabilities

Loyalty and betrayal

Clinging onto the past and repeating history

Blood family vs found family

In the last part of S3, several characters have a defining moment about family. And they are mirroring each other within their relationships. They have been setup early in the previous seasons.

The accent is put on the found families and how strong their links are. For some more than blood. And then how sometimes, blood heritage goes against that.

We have obviously THE found family. Ciri, Yennefer and Geralt, extended to Jaskier (thank god!). They have all left their blood family behind. Book Jaskier not totally but the series one seems to.

The trio of Destiny as I like to call them, are three orphans linked by destiny but fighting it in the first place. This is only when they accept it that the family emerges. And this is a strong one. Their issues with their blood family define a part of their actions and how they grow.

Geralt was abandoned. In response to that trauma he printed in himself the will of never to do that to Ciri ever ! (vol 1). Even in the letter he wrote to Yennefer, he tells her that this is the first time he experiences real fear. And this fear is to lose Ciri and her… Losing against Vilgefortz made this fear a reality. So now in Brokilon when he is trying to walk back to Ciri even when he can't is the display of his desperation. He has to accept that despair first so he can heal enough to actually have a chance to succeed. This desperation transforms into rage that can burst at any time. He is calm on the surface, but a boiling volcano inside.

White Knight complex and neutrality (side note). In S1, in Blaviken we established that Geralt has a white knight complex and he tells the story to Renfri of how he chose neutrality, telling her a story that illustrates that. He saved a young girl from a rapist. And while he thought he did the right thing he ended up being the one treated like a monster. That is why he chooses not to get involved again. Renfri's story showed him that not taking a side was impossible but he sticked with it anyway. Neutrality became his mojo and tried to live with that, even teaching it to Ciri. Renfri's broach was a reminder of that silent promise he made to himself. And the Thanedd coup is the pinnacle of that resolution and desire to protect. Till the end he won't pick a side. But when he failed against Vilgefortz everything crumbled.

The last scene we have with him, that rampage doesn't come from nowhere as a lot likes to think. The soldier suggests he would rape the girl. And that's what triggered his rage. Yeah the same story that made him who he was… I guess this stupid and empty…

The broach he leaves behind is the symbol of the neutrality he abandons. He is a man with a huge scar inside and the only thing that can soothe him is finding his daughter.

Jaskier says it out loud beforehand in case you would miss what to come : the war outside is nothing in front of what Geralt would unleash on this Continent to find his daughter.

The arc of neutrality is closed. Time for a new one. A hurt dad, a warrior, roaming the Continent to find the child he promised never to abandon. No depth at all in the writing of this arc… yep yep.

But this is not the only layer of Geralt. We will see that in another point.

Now Yennefer. She has the easiest arc to get. Her blood family sold her and in her struggle to get control over her own life she hurt the two found families she had. First Tissaia whose mother side became apparent when she had to take the same responsibilities with Ciri. Then Geralt and Ciri when she succumbs to Voleith Meir. But her redemption arc fulfills her need to be a mother. Even if she fails finding Ciri and leaves that task to Geralt (which is a plot hole in a way*), she comes full closure with her motherhood duties.

And she has a beautiful and powerful new goal and it is turned toward the found family. She will make sure to make the world a better place for her to return to. Isn't that some of the strongest push parents can experience ? The need to make the world better for their children ?

(*) In the books, Yennefer is incapacitated so it is logical that she is unable to find her. Here they will need to find a good explanation.

The arc of Yennefer circles and mirrors the one with Tissaia in a very emotional way. For a part, this is one the lesson she gave to Ciri and the one she took so long to understand. Without control, power is nothing. When you have control you can move mountains.

The first day in Aretusa, Yennefer tries to commit suicide because she feels that taking her own life is the only thing she can control. Tissaia tells her that doing so, she didn't have control, she was losing it. And the rectoress did the exact same thing at the end… (she lets go for other reasons though)

Ciri is at the core of the found family and she lost every one of her blood family. Emhyr is the last one and you can't say this is a nice perspective. Yet she doesn't know. Then she grew being afraid of her own heritage. Her bloodline is terrifying to her and makes her feel like a monster. And she is trying to make the best of it, expressing idealistic thoughts and wishes.

The found family is her last grip on feeling safe and having a life. She clings onto them with everything she has. She is so afraid to lose them too. And… it happens. Her mojo is to find them.

Hallucinating, in the desert she confronts her blood ancestors who push every button of her insecurities. When she relinquishes her powers, this is her last stand to protect her found family from herself. She doesn't want to be Falka and burn the world down and them with it.

But then when she kills for the first time, she loses herself. The importance of a life was one of the last of Geralt's lessons, but she succumbs to a penchant to like killing (see her face when she killed the echnea) buried deep inside, exactly like Falka. That's why she chooses to call herself after her.

For those who find this too easy, that she should be used to visions and not break. OK then, get in the same state of desperation, get lost in a desert for days, hallucinate and try to stay strong. Too long ? I thought she broke easily…

One of the things that was so touching, on the first part of that desert wandering, was how much she tapped into her found family teachings. Geralt and her witcher brothers for survival skills. Yennefer for magic. And Jaskier… for comfort.

So now Jaskier. He is a different kind of protector. We don't know much of his past in the series to know about his siblings and past traumas but the found family is everything to him. This season proves it even more blatantly. He chose Geralt as his family very early on but the real turn into a proper family member dynamic appears with Ciri. The fun uncle or even big brother.

From S2, we saw him develop a strong protector side to his personality. He is willing to help those in need. The elves. Yennefer… Also he kind of protects Geralt, even under torture. S3, within the found family he isn't the strongest member. The weakest we could say. But we see that protector side to him, in the fights for example. Helping the wounded to get to safety. Or pushing people out of the way (Valdo or the last fight with Geralt). Or even helping Radovid returning home after a heartbreak...

Ciri has the strongest protectors possible. Geralt and Yennefer. And they are teaching her their skills. She has enormous latent power. What can a simple bard do ?

Answer : he protects the last drop of childhood she has. He is the one she can be a normal child with. Playing games, even having fun of the parents (lessons of smiling, imitating them in the wood,...). He is a confort person that grounds her in her normality.

Being a comfort. This is what he does in the found family. For each member. But this is particularly moving to witness for that lost child. And hearing her sing the song he sings to her to help her sleep, trying to stay strong in the desert, tells how much he was important to her too.

The trio of Destiny isn't the only one that struggles between blood family and found family. We have other characters that are much defined by this dichotomy. Like Milva, Dara, Fringilla and Francesca.

For Milva, we just understand that her found family is the dryads, whatever happened to her and wants to forget. Dara has lost all his blood family because of one of Calanthe's army's raids. His found family is the elves led by Francesca, with whom he has a feeling of being with his kind again, until he understands the path she is taking will just send him in a very bad place. He is tired and tries to rebuild himself with the dryades.

Both of them highlight what is nursing inside of Geralt, for us to understand his last fight. Dara speaks about the hatred he carries and is going to destroy him if he doesn't stop. Milva makes him speak about Renfri and his neutrality paradox.

This is not a sign of erasing a character to make others speak in his presence and having some kind of defining moment. That character then reflects on the other, defining him by a mirroring effect. Sometimes in the same way, sometimes in the opposite direction. Heroes don't have to always say things out loud for that to exist in them. Maybe some thought that Dara and Milva were taking the spot. I did not.

Now for Fringilla and Francesca this is a bit more complex. And for them, they go down the other way around for a long time. Blood family first.

It begins with Fringilla whose uncle is a member of the Brotherhood. The magic school isn't much of a found family to her as she has an anchor there. After Yennefer switches kings with her, she ends up in Nilfgaard having a totally different life. She built strong links there and in a way she found guidance and purpose. While she tries to serve her emperor she meets the elves and makes a very strong friendship with Francesca. She begins to move forward and that alliance blossoms into something inspiring. Especially when she saves the elven bady.

But as soon as this baby is born, the loyalty of the elves shakes and what I believe was her kind of found family begins to drift away. Francesca says to her that she values their friendship but blood is more important. Fringilla will try to find the support of her uncle at some point but he refuses to help her.

This is when Fringilla becomes independent.

The rupture is particularly strongly displayed in S3 when she watches her uncle die without any feeling for him.

On the contrary, Francesca sticks by blood first at all coast, and she loses everyone brutally. Not that she is wrong or anything else to be that attached to her kind. This is just the way it turns out for her. And by the end of it, learning that Fringilla hid the real murderer of her baby, she ends up pushing her from her life, severing the last link of possible family outside her kind. She is alone with her vengeance burning inside of her. Pretty much like Dara described it. Pretty much like an old part elf woman who let the rage consume her… Mirrors again.

Vulnerabilities

Maybe the biggest character who shows vulnerabilities and is able to demonstrate love is Jaskier. This is the obvious one. And I will probably make a separate post analyzing him and Radovid this season, because the games of masks plays a big role in Jaskier defense mechanism. Let's just say for the sake of this f.cking review that this so empty relationship for the majority is there to help us understand how and when he hides his feelings, how he speaks of real love…

He is probably the most open character to emotions and shows us a lot, but, even he, tries to hide his wounds to the others. For others.

So emotional shock after another, we can assess the damages and how strong he is for those he loves.

His main weakness, if I can call it that way, is his biggest strength too. Empathy. Makes him feel too much. And his love for others (especially Geralt) plunges him in deep vulnerable emotional states. This season, this is still the case, and to a great extent too. Don't get fooled by his levity, jokes and smiles.

But let's take a look at our trio of Destiny.

Ciri is vulnerable and afraid at first but she learns to hide it more and more, until everything is unveiled during Thanedd and the desert. She is so damaged by her abandon issues and she is living her worst nightmare. When she hallucinates, all of her ancestors push her buttons, poking at this particular pain she holds.

Yennefer has many issues and she is a insecure person empowered with strong chaos. We saw her struggle to free herself from everyone wanting to control her in S1, and on top of that to have her powers back in S2. That internal urge to be the one deciding about her own destiny, to be able to have a choice.

She goes to great lengths for that. Too far. Yennefer gives Ciri two valuable lessons based on her experiences. One about control and power. The other about making choices and their consequences.

And one thing I appreciate and shows growth in her character is that she lets the one she loves see when she is vulnerable and talk about it. Ciri, Geralt, Tissaia. Even Jaskier in her own ways, since S2.

But one of the biggest growth in that field is Geralt. If I wished they included more of the book's vulnerabilities early on for him (about the fact that he believes that his mutant condition excludes him to be worth his own emotions), they didn't cut it all and he had other vulnerabilities and insecurities worth the growth.

He is emotionally constipated and has problems expressing his feelings. Not the hiding part, when he is like, I am a rock, I don't feel, but more when he has to communicate his feelings.

In S1, he tries and fails with Yennefer at the mountain. But he shows a great deal of emotions, at the expense of Jaskier though. In S2, to help Ciri he has to open up. And we find him having deep introspective moments with Vesemir. Likewise, he is a bit more open to Jaskier with whom he shares his fears.

But in S3, for the first time, he expresses his feelings and exposes his vulnerabilities to Yennefer and they connect deeply then. Also when he is wounded and healing, he is open raw for a moment.

After that he brings back his kind of neutral face, but the last fight is one of the moments he bleeds what's inside.

Also like in the books, they show that even a character that strong can be broken.

This failure brings a lot out of Geralt for the future. He wants to die because of it ! He refuses healing because he wanted to die ! The only thing that kept him alive was to have news of Ciri and Yennefer. When Jaskier finally arrives (days after) this is what he asks only. He just wants to go knowing that they are well. He clutches Jaskier's wrist because he is his last hope to have this news. He empathises with him as he struggles to deliver the informations (that subtle stroke) but he needs to know. This is a silent "please tell me Jaskier".

Then he chooses to accept the healing when he knows Ciri is still in danger. He won't rest until she is safe.

But I get that the consensus is right. Moaning in a bed. Boring as fuck. No depth in it either.

Loyalty and betrayal

Here again I could speak for days about Jaskier. His portrait should be in the dictionary next to the definition of loyalty. Even in his faux pas, he doesn't betray because his heart is in the right place. When Geralt confronts him trying to push him to Redania, they simply have an honest discussion about it.

I could speak about Yennefer's betrayal also, trying to sacrifice Ciri in S2. But I wanna highlight some secondary characters that have arcs around this.

The first one is Cahir. At the beginning of the series, he is the definition of loyalty to his leader. He has almost a religious faith (S2). But the mission given to him leads him on a path to lose that faith. In S3, he is trying to get back to a position where Emhyr valued him, and he goes to the point of killing a friend to get there. The broken mirror symbolizes that moment of shift.

(This part I could have put in vulnerabilities but I won't come back on the character sonI put it all there)

He is mirroring Ciri in his fears. She had nightmares about him. He has nightmares about her. When they face, they face their own fears. When Ciri cannot kill him he kind of pledged her allegiance, setting up his obsession to join de Hansa to save her (they may drop the weird attraction thankfully).

For him to work fully, we needed maybe one more scene between the Thanedd coup and fighting with Ciri. This is Emhyr's lie about Fringilla's death and her last little push, telling him to think by himself, that cut the last string attaching him to his emperor. But Cahir cannot live that way. What he has done is too much, he needs to be free from his guilt. Hence he asks Ciri to take his life as a price to pay for the sufferings he caused her.

But this is not how she thinks (yet) and vengeance is not her solution. Winning the fight was enough for her to overcome her fear about him. She won a silent battle.

Cahir needs redemption so he goes by the only way he knows. He devotes himself to her. This can seem blurry because he has very little screen time this season. But here we are.

Francesca is loyal to her blood kind, but trying to find a way for her species to survive she betrays some of them, losing progressively the faith people have in her. The last one to have an undefective trust in her is Filavendrel because they share the same pain, I guess.

The dramatic turn for her is that she has to sacrifice the squirrels in order to save the others. So she kind of betrays them all at that point.

Though one of her last biggest sad moments is when Fringilla tells her the truth about Emhyr. The last scene they have together is hard. All is not black and white though we can understand Francesca's deep emotion and feeling of betrayal. This is not fair for Fringilla and this settles the down path for the queen of elves.

In the secondary characters we could play all day with Dijkstra and Philippa in terms of loyalty and betrayal. The frontiers are so blurred between them two. Dijkstra is loyal to Redania to a sick extent. Philippa plays by her own rules to the point that it is unclear who she is loyal to.

But the last but not least big loyalty betrayal moment goes to Vilgefortz and Tissaia.

Technically Vilgefortz is loyal to no-one. But he played for so long with Tissaia… Their story is the evil side of what could have been Geralt and Yennefer's if Yennefer had been truly malevolent. Tissaia is echoing the deepest hurt in Geralt's heart and rewinding everything why Geralt took so long to forgive Yennefer.

(Tissaia was way more developed in the series than in the books to help building the emotions for what is lost and internal struggles for other characters)

Clinging onto the past and repeating history

That you liked it or not, despite being not lore accurate, BO has a lot of circleling and mirroring meta. Elves being the oppressors of dwarves, and humain becoming the oppressor of everyone less. Or the funny parallels between the couple Eile/Fall and Jaskier/Geralt.

The simple story of Merwyn is an example that repeats itself in history. Francesca being her mirror through the length of another elven legend.

The elven queen is one character that is very changed from the books and has a strange setup for later parts with the lodge. But she echoes some other characters, and stories. There was a symbol in S2 with the white rose that was a foreshadowing of what would happen to her as it echoed Sherraewedd of whom we learn the legend of in S3. The same way that elven warrior did, she is the one that may lead her kind of a new path of extinction, sacrificing the squirrels to Emhyr for a land for the rest of them… Cintra in place of Dol Blathanna.

And in the same way if Merwyn who had the well being of her people in mind she clings too long onto legends of the past. Willing to find a new home for them.

Btw, she is set up as a vengeresse willing to burn the world down as everything she loved was taken from her. Does she not remind you of someone who could now do the same for his found family ?

She is the circling history for a part of elven history.

For the human part, still connected to the elves though we have Falka whose story is set up in S2 and nourishes Stregobor hatred. That burning hatred is seen in many characters with the effect it has on them. Ciri relinquishing her powers in order to prevent falling in that pit too is a first step to break the cycle but what is waiting for her is a pit of darkness.

Also we have Istredd the historian that digs to unveil the mystery around the monolithes. Very quickly said in S3 but he knows about the book of Monoliths. Vilgefortz knows already about it and he is yet to unlock their power. That's why he made Istredd prisoner during the coup. That mystery is one of the key component to BO story and the Wild Hunt that is now leaking in our dimension.

And those monoliths were there before the elves came. Dwarves and gnomes venerated them.

I know people are mad about this but I think this is an easy visual anchor for the gates between realities. And if you read the books you know who can travel through dimensions… So yeah. We are circling again there with this.

And now the Thanedd coup is the shock that finally destroys the old system but nothing emerges except chaos and favors Emhyr's. The wipe of the Brotherhood is also a not too subtle nudge to women getting free from patriarchy. In this battle we see the oldest and the male fall one after another. And in this mayhem I have to admit I loved Stregobor last stand. Delightfully twisted and satisfying.

Now there is one final point because one member of the old system has survived a little bit longer…

Tissaia has a bunch of lost children under her care. Every one of them rejects the model she is trying to preserve. She believes in the fragile peace they have created and maintained with the Brotherhood.

Fringilla sees another way with Emhyr and believes in his goal for quite some time, until she has the chance to evolve by herself and she discovers the true face of the emperor.

Working with Dijkstra, Philippa sees the crack in the old system. And she sees the opportunity to take a new turn as it crumbles.

Yennefer doesn't care about the system. She wants to regain control over her life. And she opposes Tissaia on a personal level. But doing so she adds cracks into the walls. She reconnects with her mentor when she becomes a mother to Ciri, seeing finally the mother in her she always has been. Yennefer doesn't protect the old system, fighting by Tissaia's side, she is fighting for her.

The final push that lead Tissaia to commit suicide is Yennefer saying that she is their mother and that they need her. Her children don't need her anymore. She is just a relic of the past. Because they love her, they cling onto her. But they have to fly. We see her abandoning her severe mask and going soft, accepting to lose control. She cuts herself the last string that holds them to the old system. And the Lodge of the Sorceresses is that : a new power emerging from the ashes of the old one.

And there so many other little parallels that I wish I would speak about. Little pieces for us to dig and get the layers under those characters. I didn't even get into the political part. But I have to stop somewhere because I am too long...

OK but why pointing out that repeating history, the past parasitizing the present, all the time. We are going nowhere. Do you think ?

Nenneke said to Ciri that she could be the key to ending the circle of hatred and the young woman idealized it. She doesn't know how. But she wants to put an end to all this. Does she succeed ?

Well I guess that no-one cares now.

The circle of hatred had won on this side of the spheres so...

Empty, without soul, unnecessary, diversity garbage, unfaithful, no actor good enough except one… you are so many so it means you must be right. But still I love this show. I can't help it.

I hope someone would appreciate the effort of the underlying structure of my garbage. Circle and parallels...

[silveruskiwami]

The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008) (SPOILERS BEWARE)

finally managed to finish this series and god damn is it so good.

the spectacular spider-man is what you get when you have a series written by people who know what makes the source material and its characters tick so damn well.

"Point is, you're changing - into the man you're going to be. And just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you should. With great power, there must also come great responsibility."

peter parker and his high school friends are your average teenagers bumbling through their social lives, making mistakes and relationships throughout the way. the show manages to give a lot of the side characters a good amount of spotlight (and setup for plots that unfortunately didn't happen) with flash thompson's development into a more caring person in spite of his egotistical nature and tendency to bully, mark allan's gambling addiction causing him to get roped into shady ultimatums and grief from his sister liz, and harry osborn's spiral into madness after being neglected by his father, causing him to turn to substance abuse in order to finally be respected by his peers and the consequences that ensue.

peter specifically demonstrates the all-important central theme of spider-man: responsibility. the responsibility of balancing what's important in your life, to stand up for what's right and when others need your help, to own up to your mistakes and give up the things we want most to do what's right. whether losing trust in his friends by snapping pics for the daily bugle as they fight for their lives against the lizard, or failing to live up to his promises to be there for liz allan due to having to fight crime as spider-man, every mistake peter makes has consequences and what proves him to be such a good person is how he owns up to each mistake he makes.

"Sorry, no. My fans expect a certain amount of quippage in every battle."

the action in this show is like, INSANELY good. i'm talking raimi spider-man levels of fun fight scenes here.

the simple yet stylized designs of spectacular mean the animators are more able to pull of complex, fluid and fast action scenes, with spider-man effectively using his quick thinking and both he and his enemies learning from every encounter they have with him.

one of my favorites is in the episode "gangland", where spider-man and tombstone face off in the sewers, hidden from public eye during a valentine's day opera, trading blows in complete silence with nothing but the opera singers in the background. it's brutal, well-animated, and it's fuckin' awesome.

"Truth is, I plan on crashing a lot of parties this year. So if you see my bro, Pete, tell him WE will see him real soon."

eddie brock/venom remains my favorite character from this show for the inventive take on him and the direct counter he plays to peter parker.

under the influence of the symbiote, both he and peter were angry. violent. bitter. eager to let their innermost, darkest feelings out, they pushed aside and lashed out at those who cared about them deeply. but where peter rejected the symbiote after he saw the effect it had on his personality, eddie instead reveled in the power and freedom it gave him to beat the everloving shit out of the one person who had wronged him greatly - peter parker.

like the ultimate comics version of eddie brock, he had been a close friend to peter for as far back as they can both remember, and i think that kind of relationship between the two further makes brock such a good tragic character in this show. his tendency to shift the blame of his failures onto other people causes him to destroy his friendship with peter and give in to the symbiote, and show peter a tragic mirror as to what could have happened had he let the hatred of the symbiote fester within him. when peter reaches out to brock and pleads him to abandon the symbiote, it's not just because he knows what it's like and the consequences he's seen firsthand, but because he cares for brock as a friend.

"Think fast! Think fasteeeer~! Tonight, you're in a PARTICULARLY unfriendly neighborhood, Spider-Man!"

how the green goblin was handled was also nothing short of masterful in both his personality and the reveal of him being norman osborn.

rather than adopt a split-personality approach to the green goblin/norman osborn as both the 90s cartoon and the sam raimi trilogy did, spectacular instead opts to portray gobby closer to his 616 counterpart; a separate persona norman willingly plays up, completely aware and in control.

norman is already done incredibly well in this cartoon, playing two-faced with his adoration of peter as if he were his own son, while secretly developing supervillains for tombstone and his crew, and neglecting his son harry osborn. he's a cold, calculating, snarky asshole who commandeers respect and steals the show any time he's in the room, going so far as to live by a rule to never apologize to anyone, never stopping for a second to think of any of his employees as anything but beneath him.. but there's no way he could be the goblin, right?

..right?

"I protected Harry! If I was sent to prison, who'd have made a man out of him?! Just look at what he's done today.. I've never been prouder of the boy!"

"norman osborn is the green goblin" yeah, we know. everyone knows. but that won't stop the spectacular spider-man from making you play the guessing game anyway.

all different kinds of instances and clues help to throw you off the track of thinking norman could actually be the goblin. the goblin is insane! he's a cackling, goofy son of a bitch compared to norman's calm-yet-cold demeanor, not to mention harry was the one drinking the globulin green! the series veers more into making you, and peter, think harry was behind the mask the whole time..

..which is why it becomes shocking once more to learn norman osborn was the goblin all along.

i think not only do i find it impressive of spectacular to throw the viewer off from what should otherwise be an obvious reveal, but the "one personality" approach to goblin i believe makes norman much scarier as a character. he becomes a much more intimidating character once you realize he can switch between the two personas at the drop of a hat, and in full control.

not to mention his twisted care for harry coming front and center, breaking his leg and gaslighting him into believing he was the goblin so as to throw suspicion off his own self, and supposedly be there for harry to "make a man out of him", which of course means raising harry to be the exact same slimy, ruthless man he is.

talk about a character you love to hate!

i'll always lament how the spectacular spider-man was canceled far too early - really when it was just getting started - out of sheer bad luck. future plans intended for the likes of the jackal, the hobgoblin, sin-eater, and cletus kasady/carnage to join the fray, direct-to-dvd movies detailing peter's college life, and lots more!

at the end of the day though, the fact we still got one of the best pieces of spider-man media out of these two seasons, though short-lived, is something to feel real good about. the spectacular spider-man is a damn good cartoon both on its own and as a spider-man story, and never say never - there might be a chance, however slim, we can see it return.

"Tell me there's something better. Go ahead, try."

[collegecraze]

Hi pretty! Can you share some tips on how to outline?

Hi! I can try my best. Please excuse me if I don't make any sense, haha.

Typically I like to start out with my premise, or my big idea. What is that idea that made me go "Ooh, I really need to make a story out of this!" It's important to recognize this as a premise and not your entire story. If you conflate the two, you may end up writing a story or VN without any real end in sight. If your goal is to have a completed work, make sure you take the time to develop your ideas beyond the premise. Example of a premise: "A drug dealer and a ballerina fall in love, but her family disapproves of the relationship."

Most premises can be followed up by the simple question "Okay, so then what happens?" This is what you should be working through in your outline to answer. But before that:

Extrapolate your premise into a plot.

I like to skip straight to the end, to ensure I have a goal post that's been set before I go through any other plot beats. So from my premise, I have an answer to that "So what next?" question.

Endpoint example: "The drug dealer becomes a ballet dancer and gets married to his ballerina love . They live in happy harmony." It's better to work in broad strokes at the start of outlining, because I've found its so much better to push through and not get hung up on making things perfect. This is what editing is for and you can't edit a story that doesn't even exist yet. You can't edit an empty page.

Major Plot beats

Once I have my premise and my endpoint, I'm able to think about major plot events that need to happen in between. These are points of no return and can often change the trajectory of a character's life or personailty. Depending on what you're writing there shouldn't be like, 20 of these. I'd imagine 3 or 4 BIG events should be enough. Write them down as simply as you can, one sentence max.

Big plot beats example: "Drug dealer meets Ballerina" "Drug dealer sacrifices something to spend more time with Ballerina." "Ballerina's family reports Drug dealer to the police." "Ballerina proves Drug dealer's innocence." I keep things big, vague and open-ended intentionally, because in the beginning of outlining, if you get caught up in details you will risk getting stuck way easier. Keep everything fluid. These major plot points all lead to the end goal I already established. All of the points above beg the question, "How?"

Flesh out your plot beats

This is the part that I think most people start at, which is immediately jumping into the how of major plot points. It doesn't really work for me, because it still feels a little too rigid at this point. Each of the plot points above now need to start tapping into any of the work you've done on characterization. Who are our characters? What's the setting like? The time period? Is this a sappy romance? Is it raunchy, fast-paced smut? All of these external considerations will help you further flesh out what leads up to and follows the points you established above. Lets say this is a sappy romance set in 90s NYC, and the drug dealer is a broken-hearted asshole who thinks love is a joke, while our ballerina is a naive, hopeless romantic. I might extrapolate the first plot point above this way: "Drug dealer meets Ballerina" - Drug dealer just got out of a rough relationship. - Ballerina runs into him while moving out, spots a cute teddybear that fell out of his move out box. -She attempts to return it, but he's mean and bitter towards her. Throw out any and all ideas here, nothing is too bad to write down, because you never know if its a stepping stone to another plot point. Maybe, since I know I need the Drug dealer to sacrifice something in the future, I can establish his attachment to something in this plot beat. Thoughts like this allow you to have a rough idea of where you are and where you need to go, so you can plant small seeds that can be super impactful later. Once you have a big list of points you can start to narrow things down, keeping everything still open to grow and move as you actually settle down to write. I'm a big fan of keeping things open and fluid, because writing does tend to take on its own life, but as long as you know how you want things to end, you should be on a good track! I hope this helps and sorry for the wall of text lol.

[taki118]

Go Watch the Venture Brothers

So just heard the complete and utter Bullshit news that Adult Swim has cancelled one of (if not the best shows) they have the Venture Bros. This series is one of those shows that for WHATEVER reason never got to the level of fandom Rick and Morty has even though they’ve been at the genre parody game longer and in my opinion better. 

The series is about Rusty Venture former boy adventurer and failing super scientist who in an attempt to keep his head above water in debt goes around with his two boys Hank and Dean, and bodyguard Brock on misadventues while various legal archnemisis go after him, such as the Monarch. 

So if you never watched or never heard of this 7 season series let me give you a break down on why you should, 

1) Art Style & Animation

Venture bros is one of those rare Adult aimed animated series that that really truly tries to utilize their medium to the best of their abilities. Season 1 had like such a small budget and corners had to be cut so it can be a little hard to watch at times. 

But with each passing season they get a little better, a little more fluid, go just a little harder and it truly feels rewarding to watch. Like seeing an artist you follow online improve over the years. Like they COULD have stayed with the choppy and stiff animation from season 1 it fit right in with its fellow adult animated shows but it didn’t. They strove for quality to have something that matched the story they were telling.

2) The Writing 

Venture Bros has some of the tightest and consistently great writing of ANY serialized show I’ve seen, adult, animated or other wise. Wanna know why? Cause it’s all done by TWO people (save for like one ep each season where one other person is allowed to touch their baby). Yeah TWO people and they work their asses off every season to interject, humor, refrences, parody, plot and character development in equal measure. 

3) Character Development

Um yes in case you were wondering that’s right an adult animated show has CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT  that holds as the series goes on. Not to give spoilers but characters will go through changes in alignment, relationships will develop and change, some characters will go through negative arcs where they are straight up unbareable for a season before coming out the other side even better than they were before. There is no end of epsiode or even end of season reset. Characters, settings, and dynamics all change over the course of the show and it feels just so god damn good.

4) Story Development 

Just like the characters the story of the Venture Bros grows and changes each season. Things that are set up even as early as season one are paid off as the series goes on. Like not to be that bitch but you know how RIck and Morty teases an overarching plot ALL THE TIME but like will often just spit in the face of fans hoping for more than like one episode a season addressing it? Yeahhhhhhh that doesnt happen here, fans are consistently rewarded for putting the time in to rewatch and really think about what happened in the series. Characters that are seen in the background or are just referenced by other characters will be brought in to be recurring characters, things that start off as a small detail or gag will be given larger relevance and each time they do this you get that “OH I remember that from last season! So thats what it was!” The writers WANT you to rewatch, they WANT you to analyze and they WANT you to theorize, and they give you a show that gives back the time you put in.

5) Parody & Reference 

This series does a great thing with parody. They make real characters  who are just as enjoyable as the characters they parody, they make story lines that both poke fun at the absurdity of the media but shows the writers love for it. So often parody and references are just used to mock the thing but with Venture Bros you feel the love and care so when you know the thing being parodied you can laugh but feel good about laughing cause they are never laughing at a thing maybe you cared for in your youth but rather laughing with it.

And it’s never just one thing. When they parody a thing its often layered with other things to make it even more unique. Scooby-Doo is overlayed with famous criminals, Laura Croft is mixed Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, GI Joe is given the look of the Village People and so on. They never go for the easy joke or reference. Hell theres an episode that starts with them reciting the lyrics to David Bowies Space Oddity for really no reason other than they could. They weave these things in naturally with their setting and characters so nothing feels out of place. Like if you dont catch a reference or parody you dont feel like “I think this isa reference to something?” like a LOT of things do not just adult animated shows. You arent taken out of the moment cause it all feels so natural. 

6) The Characters 

God damn these characters, I could go on for hours about these characters. From main to one off these are some of the most likeable characters you can find. I mean it when I say I can’t think of a single character I wish they had cut cause they are all so well created. Even the ones I hate i have fun hating cause they were made to be that way. I’ll be good though I’ll only talk about my absolute top faves.

- The Monarchs

You ever sit and wish villain couples could have functional  healthy relationships? Well look no further than Malcom Fitzcarraldo aka The Monarch and Dr. Shelia Girlfriend (yes that is her last name). The Monarch is a high strung impulsive saturday morning cartoon villain whos tendency to over react is only matched by his unspecified hatred of Dr. Venture. And Dr. G is his nonsense partner in crime who will cut a bitch if they don’t play by their admittedly weird rules. Both characters are great on their own but are better together. Though that doesnt mean they always get along. Like a real couple they have their ups and downs they fight, break up, make-up and grow stronger in their relationship with each season. 

- Shore Leave

Ok ok so I want you to imagine James Bond, mixed with GI Joe simmering in a cocktail of the most flamboyant gay men you have ever seen and you have one of my favorite gay characters/characters in general. Shore Leave is a member of OSI (the shows SHEILD/GI Joe parody organization) he’s loud, brash, flippant, sassy and highly competent at his job loving every second of getting to beat bad guys down within an inch of their life. I love seeing him play off the stoic Brock and the two have this great brotherly dynamic that’s never called into question. He also gets to have a very cute romance with Al the Alchemist (who is also great). I could talk about this man all day.

- Dr. Rusty Venture

They did such a good job with this man. He’s a self serving, sexist, perverted, whinny, self important asshole and yet you feel pity and genuine sympathy for him and want him to succeed. You can see how Dr. V was given a raw deal by his father who seemed to care more about his adventures than his sons well being and how this molded him into the bitter man he is today, but on the flip side you can see where he chose to use that as a crutch for his worst behaviors and impulses. Seeing him slowly grow and change and be an actual good father to his boys while all the while still be a giant dick is actually really great. 

- Dr. Byron Orpheus 

Ahhhhh Dr. Orpheus part Dr. Strange Parody part busybody stay at home dad, he’s just such a delight. Dr. Orpheus is a divorcee, with an unfulfilling job of maintaining order to the cosmos (which isnt as hard as one might think), and uses his magical ablities in ways most of us would (ie menial tasks and home chores). Overly dramatic and affectionate Dr. O is a delight whenever he appears, but he’s at his best around his daughter and old friends The Order of the Triad. 

Again I can go on but all these characters ranging from main to recurring are crafted with the utmost care for you to want to see them succeed or fail, to see them again even if you know it’ll never happen, and want them to cross paths with other characters. 

The Venture Bros is one of those series that I will ALWAYS recommend even to the pickiest of humor tastes. But if you don’t believe its as good as I said or don’t think the concept is to your tastes I’ll recommend a few eps that I think best show off the base idea of the series without giving much away. In terms of plot and spoilers, though somethings wont make a lot of sense. 

- S1 ep10 "Tag Sale – You're It!" - Dr. V is having a yard sale so of course all manner of costumed weirdos show up.  - S2 ep5 "Twenty Years to Midnight" - basically a fetch quest around the world to save the planet with daddy issues - S3 ep2 "The Doctor Is Sin" - Again daddy issues but with one of the best recurring characters and a great showcase of the series deeper emotional plots - S4 ep6 "Self-Medication" - Really embraces the parody as Rusty goes to a former boy adventurer support group.  Anyway the show is 7 seasons with 80 episodes, please go watch it. I will never forgive @adultswim​ for cancelling what was to be their final season. And in closing GO TEAM VENTURE!

[i-lovethatforme]

Do you have any thoughts/ theories for the next film? I'm already thinking about it as I actively avoid nwh 😭

me and you and most other people ignoring nwh as we should as we deserve! i have thoughts! super strength mj thoughts! i started writing all kinds of things before i stopped to get all my fix its out the way and ignore the plots these would need so subsequently abandoned - but I'll post some snippets from the worlds i would like. aka idc about anyone other than - spidey mj/ black cat mj /venom mj

you'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night

“Fuck my absolute life,” she wheezes, her arms aching more from the length of time she’s been hanging here than the weight of her body. Ever since she found this suit in her bedroom while she packed to move to college, MJ has been working on advancing it. Trying to piece together why on earth she has it in the first place. She doesn’t remember cosplaying as Spider-Man but the suit looks real enough that she probably spent a lot of money on it. It’s also probably why she purged it from her memory. The web shooters work as well - but when she googled it she found that there were a number of web shooters that can actually function. She didn’t know they came with fluid that stuck to walls but it only helped her recreate the formula when she was bored one night during her first term at college. MJ isn’t sure how her occasionally making modifications to this suit she found ended up with her now hanging between two twelve story high buildings on a thin piece of webbing that she knows is going to disintegrate in the next thirty minutes. It probably has to do with her being followed home a few months ago and being furious because she was terrified. And she shouldn’t be terrified because she should be able to walk home in the dark by herself without the threat of attack. But she can’t. At least not in Boston. Maybe if she still lived in NYC. New York has Spider-Man and albeit the crime was still high, there was an air of comfort walking home knowing you might get saved by the masked hero. Here, she has no one. But she did have a suit. So she thought how hard could it possibly be to be Spider-Man? Noone knows anything about him other than the fact he can climb walls but now so can she with the claws she developed. And he can lift heavy things but now so can she with the hydraulic hinges she sewed to the suit. And he can swing between buildings and now - Well. MJ can’t do that yet. This is why she’s hanging way too high above an alley and she thinks she needs to make further modifications but she can’t do them right now because her shoulders are about to give up and she’ll slowly fall to the ground. Ugh. MJ has tried swinging her legs back and forth but she can’t get the spikes she adhered to the suit to hook into the brick properly. Another thing she would change if she wasn’t about to splatter against the floor. She thinks about the leftover lasagna in the fridge that’s going to go mouldy until someone realises she’s gone and ugggh she just put a load of washing in the dryer and some rando is going to get her underwear. She thinks about her mum and the way she’s going to be heartbroken. She thinks about Ned who would probably think she’s cool as fuck for this but won’t forgive her for dying on him before she told him about it. She thinks about the boy from the coffee shop because she’s always thinking about the boy from the coffee shop. She thinks about - “Hello?” “Holy fuck -” she jolts. Spider-Man peers down at her from the roof and though she can’t see his face, he sounds concerned. “Do you need some help?” “Nah, I like to hang here for fun,” she wheezes, thankful that she fixed the voice modulator so she sounds like she's smoked thirty a day since she was four. “Okay,” they laugh slightly and she thinks fuck them. “Can I help you anyway?”

kill me slowly with your kiss

"I don't get close to people," he whispers as his body pushes her against the wall. His mask is tucked beneath his nose and there's a part of her that knows his lips but if he doesn't want his identity revealed, as she doesn't, she'll avoid tugging on that thread.

"Because it's difficult, or because you don't want to?" she asks. She doesn't care because she'd have to want to get close to him to care and she's not sure that she does. Because her last three missions have failed because he's been right there.

"It doesn't matter," he replies, pressing his lips lightly to her jaw. And as he touches his tongue to her neck, following with a suck of his lips, she figures, no, it doesn't matter.

"My lips are up here, Spider," she says impatiently as he marks her. She wants to tug his face to hers by his hair but she doesn't want him to think she's trying to unmask him when really his suit is so tight there's nothing to grip onto.

He laughs lightly, his whole body shaking with the movement and it's a delightful sound, one she'll replay in about five minutes when he's paralysed from her tranquiliser and she can finally go and get the artwork while Kingpin is out of town.

"Someone's in a rush," he teases and she wants to throw him around, have him being the one pinned to the wall but he's stronger than her and she doesn't want him to figure that out so she lets him hold her there instead. His leg wedged between hers as his lips finally touch hers.

It's softer than she thought it would be, with the way he throws his punches and the way he screams at people - she never knew he could be this soft. But then his tongue is in her mouth, his hand pulling at the roots of her white wig and she feels the tingles all the way to the tips of her toes.

She knows him. She knows his tongue. She knows his hands and his breathy moans and she knows him.

She just doesn't know how.

assume you'll be comin' for blood

Her brain no longer thumps painfully, the pressure fading so it doesn't feel like her head is about to explode. Her eyes are no longer black and that's kinda annoying cause she looked cool as fuck.

A few days ago she thought she was dying, hallucinating as the black inky liquid seeped from her skin and crawled along the floor. She was planning on never leaving the house again, committed to sinking back to the bathroom floor and dying there.

But it's been anywhere between five seconds and four years and she feels better. Ish. she ate eight chocolate bars and she's been talking to the voice in her head. So she's probably insane but she's leaning into it.

Besides, the black liquid makes her strong and it can grab her a can of drink from the fridge without her moving from the couch. Sure, she did end up chewing the head of the pizza delivery guy and that wasn't the best but she and venom have come to an arrangement.

No more delivery guys, no more threatening Mr Delmar.

They're only after Peter Parker.

[sithsecrets]

sacrifice | din djarin x reader

stranded in the tatooine desert, din and his crewmember (lover? girlfriend?) must make the long, impossible journey back to mos espa on foot.

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4.2k words

mentions: near-death experiences, severe sunburn, sever dehydration, emotional conversations with a loved one, reader and din are not doing well at all, lots of talking about sand and the desert, minor medical procedures (kind of??)

this is part 4 of my valentine’s week special! you can see all the other parts here!

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The deserts of Tatooine are legendary, the sandy dunes and rocky canyons teeming with tales and myths. The Tuskens are a spectacle all their own, with their banthas and covered bodies, and there’s not one person on this planet that hasn’t had the displeasure of doing business with a Jawa. Countless greats have passed through this planet’s cities, negotiating deals and perpetrating plots that will have an affect on the galaxy for years to come.

To you, though, Tatooine is not some great, propped up location from a fairytale. No, this place is your home, or was your home until you made the decision to leave. You were born here, and now you will die here, sucking in the same hot, dry air you breathed on your first day of life as you take your final breath.

Din had promised that it would be a quick mission, in and out. Mando lets you call him that now, lets you call him by his first name. He whispered it to you just a few days ago, revealing this piece of his identity in the darkness of the Crest’s hull. What you wouldn’t give to be there now, cool and fed and sprawled out naked beside him…

Din had said it would be a quick mission, that’s what he said. Just you and him on a pair of speeders out in the desserts, in and out and easy. He needed you to watch his back, wanted you to do surveillance from up high— that’s why you came in the first place. Peli said she’d keep the baby, she was thrilled to have him for a day or two, and so it wasn’t a problem—

The baby, oh Maker… Who’s going to take care of the baby?

Things didn’t go to plan once you left the city, not at all. One speeder went dead halfway to Din’s coordinates, and so you the two of you were left with one vehicle. You made it alright, though your time was worse with both of you weighing down the machine.

It was hot out there, so hot, but you knew it would be that way. You had water in your pack, and some food, and you’d be fine. It was only supposed to be a day or two, right? And the suns would set eventually, and then you might even be cold...

Din made you perch high up on some rock, and you watched for hours through the binocs looking for the quarries. Two spice smugglers, that’s who Din’d been tasked with finding, and they were supposed to be stupid, too— that’s what Greef had said. “These two clowns are idiots.”

The two smugglers did come, and they were idiots as promised, but their friend was not. The third man found your lookout spot somehow, and he snuck up on you. Din was down in the sand, and before he had time to fly up and stop him, the man had already cut your side. It was meant to be a stab, but you avoided that, thank the stars. Even still, the wound was no minor scrape, and you panicked when you saw just how much blood was coming out of you.

Being who he is, it didn’t take Din long to subdue your attacker and the two quarries. He propped their bodies in a cave and said he’d come back for them with the ship later on, and you thought that was a fine idea at the time.

A bad feeling set in when you saw what had been done to you and Din’s singular speeder. One of the smugglers had disabled it while Din was busy murdering the man that hurt you, and now it lay useless in the sand. The crew of criminals had been riding on some kind of pack animals when the violence broke out, and all the commotion sent the three of them off in all directions. Din’s jetpack seemed like a viable option, but the instant he tried to pick you up, you screamed in pain. There was no way for him to hold you that didn’t hurt you terribly, and it’s not like you could latch onto his back. After that conversation, it took you and Din about five seconds to realize that you were fucked. And then… And then it was time to start walking.

The first day wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t good either. The rationing of water began almost immediately, and you worried every time Din declined his share.

“You need it more,” he had said to you, “you’re hurt.”

And you were hurt. Your side smarted all the time, and the heat of the sun caked your own fluids to your skin. The bleeding did eventually stop, but the pain never subsided, and it wasn’t long before you were trailing behind.

When the suns set, it was time to stop walking and start shivering. Din made a small fire, and you did have an extra shirt, but none of it was enough with the damage you’d sustained earlier in the day. Sleep did come, but it was fitful, and you’re not sure Din so much as closed his eyes that night.

The heat came back with the dawn, and after several hours, it was all you could do to keep moving. Thirst burned your throat, and the dull ache of hunger twisted your insides. Din acted like he was fine, but you saw it. You saw the change in his gait, saw how his head drooped from time to time under the weight of exhaustion.

That second night, you insisted Din sleep while you took watch. It as hard to stay awake, and even harder to focus on looking for threats, but you did it anyway. You’d known many people who got lost in the dunes, heard more stories than you could count of what happens when you perish out in the sand. And as you sat there staring into the distance, you marveled at the idea that you yourself would soon come to experience these things yourself.

This will be your third day of walking, walking and walking and walking… You and Din have been making your way across the desert for hours now, and you’re growing more tired than you’ve ever been in your life. Gone is the ache in your stomach, gone is the burn in your throat— all you want now is rest, rest and reprieve from the sun’s relentless rays. Yesterday, you took to imagining yourself anywhere but here— tropical locations, the icy surface of Hoth, a planet where fresh, drinkable water fills every pond and lake and river— now, though, all you picture is rest. Oh, if you could just rest…

It takes you a long time to realize that you’ve fallen, longer than it should. You’re face down on the ground, sand filling your mouth, your nose… The granules aggravate the sunburn you’ve developed after days and days exposed to the elements, though you hardly even feel the sting as you lie there. It’s so good to stop walking, so good to close your eyes…

“Stay awake, cyar’ika. You can’t go to sleep, not right now.”

Din’s voice rouses you, it makes you pay attention again. He’s picking you up, he’s holding you in his arms—

“I don’t want to walk anymore, Din,” you say, voice cracked and broken. Once again, you think of water, but the thought is fleeting at best.

“You don’t have to,” he says at once. “I’ll carry you. We just have to get back, mesh’la, and then we’ll be okay.”

In some deep recess of your mind, you decide that Din’s saying this to comfort himself as well as you.

“You’ll get back to Mos Espa,” you croak, shaking your head. “This is— I’m not going to make it.”

“Yes, you are, cyar’ika, don’t talk like that.” Din spits the words out as if you’ve insulted him, half offended and half terrified and entirely unlike himself. Some small part of you wants to laugh— you’ve always wanted him to be freer with his emotions, and all it took was being marooned in the desert to get him to do it.

“You have to leave me, Din,” you insist, wriggling in his arms, trying to make him drop you. But Din holds fast, clamping down on your body like you’re all that tethers him to this world. And maybe you are, at this point. “I’m slowing you down. If neither of us gets back, we’ll— The baby, Din, the baby. You have to go back for the baby. You’re all he has, he’ll… he’ll…”

You want to cry, but your body has no tears to offer you. Through the fog in your mind, you picture the Child playing with Peli and her droids, waiting patiently for you and his father to return. The thought of how he’ll feel when the both of you never do is almost too much to bear, and you redouble your efforts, pleading.

“Leave me, Din, leave me here so you can go on. I’ve been slowing you down since the start, and now— The Child needs you. I’m not important, Din, but you’re his father. Just put me down and let me—”

“Stop talking,” Din cuts, exhaustion and frustration warping his broken voice. “Save you energy, mesh’la, we’re almost there.”

Except you aren’t, and you know that. But even still, you do as Din says, too tired to argue with him any further.

There is more walking, and more feeling the sun on your face, and then your eyes are slipping closed. Far off in the distance, Din is telling you to look at him, to stay awake but you just can’t anymore. It’s so hot, and you just want to sleep…

The last thing you see before you fall unconscious is the sun, bright and blinding and all-consuming above you.

---

No one is more surprised than you when you open your eyes again.

Beige is all you see in front of you, beige like the color of the dunes. For one fleeting moment, you think you’ve died, that this is all there is for someone who’s succumb to the desert— the sand has swallowed you whole, and now you’ll lie here under it for all of eternity. But then everything comes into focus, and the fog lifts from your mind. Sand dunes aren’t held up by supports, and they certainly don’t billow in the breeze.

A tent, you say to yourself, dizzy as you try to sit up, I’m in a tent.

Someone’s attended to your wound, bandages and dressings where dirt and blood should be on your side. It still smarts when you try to stand, but you find yourself stronger overall. Somehow, someway, you’ve been revived, and even your sunburn doesn’t seem as bad as you know that it should be when you reach up to touch your face.

Carpets keep the sand off, three or four strewn on the ground in a patchwork. You’ve been laid out to rest on some sort of makeshift bed as well, nothing more than couple of pads and a blanket under your back, and not for the first time do you wonder where you are. Not for the first time do you wonder where Din is…

Heat envelopes you the second you pull back the flaps of the tent, but the temperature isn’t as high as it was when you collapsed. Sure enough, one look at the horizon tells you that it’s sunset, the sky purple-orange-pink as Tatoonie’s twin suns sink down further and further.

All around you are tents just like the one you emerged from, simple, beige structures made of coarse, thick fabric. You begin weaving your way through the complex, too afraid to cry out and ask for help. In any case, you’re not sure it would help, for you feel eerily alone, almost like everything around you is empty. That’s why it’s such a shock when someone jerks on your arm, the action catching you so off-guard that you cry out.

Cold fear is all you feel when you come to face the man that grabbed you, the dark eyes of his mask almost boring into you as he shouts and kicks up a fuss. You wait to be hurt, wait to be struck down and murdered, for you know how the Tuskens feel about outsiders, but the violence never comes. No, the man is actually leading you further into the camp, pulling on your arm, gesturing to more tents and beyond. The sounds he makes mean nothing to you, but if you could understand, you’re sure you’d hear, “Come with me, come on!”

And what else can you do except follow the Raider? What other choice do you have? He leads you past three or four more dwellings, and then the two of you stand before a larger, grander tent, one that makes the others look almost tiny. The Tusken calls out to whoever’s inside before you can so much as catch your breath, and then you’re being jerked through the flaps without a word of warning.

The first thing you see is fire, the smoke from the little blaze escaping out of an opening in the top of a tent. Small lanterns light the space inside, everything bathed in a warm, orange glow. There are carpets on the ground just like in your tent, layers and layers of them keeping the sand off everyone inside. Several Tuskens sit around the fire, but you barely see them after you notice the way the light glints off someone else.

When you told Din to leave you, you meant it. The baby couldn’t be orphaned a second time, and the idea of both of you dying under the sun didn’t bear thinking about. But to know that he didn’t abandon you, that he really was going to carry you back to the city…

All conversation ceases the second Din gets up from the ground, and then it’s like the two of you are the only people in the whole fucking desert. He asks you if you’re alright, one hand on the side of your head as he murmurs through the modulator. You say yes and ask him the same thing, worried something happened after you went out of commission. He’s all armored and covered, face concealed like it has been since the moment you met him, and yet still you worry. You worry he fell down like you did, worry that he’s been sick from not eating and drinking. But if Din did collapse or become incapacitated for a period of time, none of it’s had any lasting effects. He tells you that he’s eaten and drunk plenty since the Tuskens saved both of you, urging you to stop fussing and come sit with him beside the fire.

Only when Din turns around do you remember that you have an audience, and you feel all eyes on you walk around the pit in the center of the room. You feel vulnerable before your hosts, keenly aware of the fact that you stand before them with your face and hair and hands bare. Thankfully, you’re not the only woman present, several veiled Tusken women dotting the circle of people. They’re beautiful in their own way, draped in beads, some of their masks ornately decorated with embroidery and mental embellishments. You know little of Tusken culture, but you think that this is a tent reserved for important members of this clan, for even most of the men have on small bits of finery.

Din keeps you close, uncharacteristically affectionate in front of these strangers. He holds your hand as he leads you to your place in the group, urges you to tuck up against his side by the fire, and you wonder why he’s showing you off so openly. He either trusts these Tuskens, which would be a bold move, or this whole ordeal’s shaken him badly. Either way, you’re not about to complain, relieved to be here with him at all. You really could have died out there in the sand, and the fact that you didn’t is still sort of blowing your mind.

The first thing you do when you get settled is express your gratitude to the Tuskens around you, thanking them sincerely for saving your life and treating your injuries. Din translates for you and the man who speaks next, and then you’re told one of the most incredible stories you’ve ever heard.

For the better part of half an hour, Din and the Tuskens tell you about how they slayed the great krayt dragon, working in tandem with a small group of villagers from the middle of nowhere. Din downplays his role in it all, but you know that he was the one who really took the beast down. That’s why the Tuskens consider him a friend in the first place, and it’s the only reason they saved the both of you— otherwise, they would have let you die, a fact they admit openly.

You reprimand Din for not telling you sooner because seriously, he slayed a krayt dragon and made an alliance with the fucking Tusken Raiders, but all he offers is a humble, almost embarrassed, “It never came up, mesh’la.”

All you can do is huff at that, amazed not for the first time by how casual Din is about everything he does.

After the story’s done, a woman comes into the tent with a tray of thing for you. Because of their customs, the Tuskens won’t eat in front of you, and it’s not like Din’s about to take of his helmet for a meal, but you’re served food regardless. Neither the meat nor the hubba gourds taste very good, but you couldn’t care less— after days without food or water, even the bitter juice tastes like fine wine.

Din and the Tuskens talk as you eat, everything they say completely lost on you as you sit before the fire. Outside, the suns continue to set until it’s dark, and you feel yourself growing tired. You’re not sure if it would be rude to fall asleep in front of the Tuskens, the fear of offending your saviors forcing you to keep your eyes open every time they droop shut. Eventually, though, they take pity on you, and you and Din are given the Tuskens’ blessing to leave.

Back in your own tent, you and Din kneel on the carpets before one another, a single lantern lighting the space above your heads. He looks almost ominous like this, the dim, warm light casting him into shadow while simultaneously glinting off all the angles of his armor. Once again, you find yourself astounded by the fact that the two of you made it, that you’re here in Tusken encampment instead of dead out there in the sand somewhere. More and more often these days so you wish you could see Din’s face, but once again, you just can’t bring yourself to ask for what you want.

“I know you’re tired,” he says, fishing around in your pack until he produces a small jar, “but you have to put more of this on your hands and your face before you go to sleep. That’s what the women told me.”

“Do it for me?” you ask, knowing just how childish you sound without caring one bit about it.

Miracle of miracles, you make the Mandalorian laugh. “You just want me to touch you,” he huffs, but he’s taking his gloves off anyway.

Everything is quiet for those first few minutes, Din bending to his work diligently. The salve in the jar isn’t bacta, but it soothes the burning and the itching almost like magic. And maybe it is some kind of Tusken sorcery. You should be covered in blisters and sores after so much time in but Din says your face is merely peeling when you ask how bad it is. You haven’t actually seen yourself yet, but the backs of your hands don’t lie, and anyway, why would he? The fact that you’re not in debilitating pain alone is enough to convince you that this stuff is a miracle cure, and you’d be content to put it on eight times a day for the next month if it means you won’t be disfigured by your sunburn.

“There,” Din declares softly, putting the lid back on the jar, and then the two of you are lying down on the little pallet bed together.

“Are you going to sleep?” you ask him, knowing how Din feels about resting when he’s not on the Crest.

“Maybe,” he murmurs, reaching out across the padding to hold your hand. “But you definitely should. The Tuskens are going to drop us off near the city tomorrow, and I still have to go back and collect the bodies.”

You’d nearly forgotten about that, about the quarries and how Din left their corpses sitting in the cave.

“We get the baby first, though. We said we’d be back days ago.”

You’re not one to make demands, but after all that’s happened, you need to hold the Child in your arms. You know for a fact that he misses Din, and you worry that he feels abandoned by the both of you after all this time apart.

“We get the baby first,” Din affirms, and only then do you feel like you can close your eyes.

---

Everything is hectic after you and Din finally make it back to Mos Espa. Peli wanted to know what happened, the baby wouldn’t stop clinging to either one of you, and then you still had to fly back out on the Crest and pick up the quarries…

All of that took hours, but now you’re finally back in the safety of hyperspace, your little family whole once again. The Child, after hours of holding fast to you and his father has decided that he’s tired now, dozing in his pram contentedly. You think it would be alright to leave him in the hull for a while, clicking the lid of the little bed shut before you climb up to the cockpit. Din, in his usual Din fashion, has been up here since takeoff, no doubt picking at the inner workings of his vambrace or studying one of those maps he loves so much.

You’re surprised to find Din unusually unoccupied when you make it up there, though, the dark T of his visor staring off in the blue streaks of light before him. For a moment, you think he might be sleeping, but that option’s crossed off the list the minute he turns to look at you.

“Everything alright?” you ask softly, coming around the pilot’s chair to sit beside him.

Din hums. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

A long moment of silence follows your question, everything so definitively quiet around you. It’s always like this in hyperspace, like the physics of sound don’t apply. You always feel like you need to whisper, half-expecting no noise to come out of your mouth whenever you do decide to talk. After all these months of living on the Crest, it’s the only thing you haven’t gotten used to.

“Don’t ever talk to me like that again.”

Din’s words catch you completely off-guard, the sentence striking you across the face as hard as any slap. He’s never spoken to you like that before, never told you not to question him or whatever the fuck he means by that. You don’t—

“I mean—” Din blurts, huffing through the modulator like he’s frustrated. “I mean, just— the way you spoke to me in the desert. The things you said. Don’t ever talk about yourself like that, not in front of me or anybody else.”

Everything clicks, but words fail you. All you can do is sit there before Din and stare at him, trying to find the words over and over again.

“When we were out there,” Din begins, filling the void when you cannot, “when you fell down and I picked you up, you told me to leave you, cyare. You wanted me to abandon you. You told me that you didn’t matter.”

“I wanted you to live,” you clarify. “Someone had to go back for the baby, and you’re his father. He needs you—”

“And he needs you too, mesh’la.” Din pauses, voice breaking when he goes to speak again. “I need you. So don’t ever ask me to do something like that again. You’re very important, more important than you know, and I don’t think I could handle hearing you talk to me like that again. Do you understand?”

You stand up to hug him, suddenly hit with the realization that you’re crying.

“I understand, Din.”

And then you’re holding each other like it’s all you know how to do— holding each other like you’re the only two people in the whole fucking galaxy.

[baroquesyndrome]

Recently, the director of the original version of Baroque, Kazunari Yonemitsu, opened a Twitter Spaces event where he did a small Q&A. A member of the discord, pavaal#5795, transcribed some dialogue from the event and gave permission to repost. here it is, with commentary from pavaal in [brackets]

Q: What is the world like after completing the game? A: It doesn't change much. But that is the way the protagonist wished it, so that's not a bad thing. (some people bring up the manga ending which seems a bit more hopeful with the sprouting flower and protag's ability to talk) ...right, it's really all up to the player, since it's pretty vague. How much the protagonist can speak, how much the world changes, so on and so forth is up to you. Q: What's at the top of the Neuro Tower? Why do we not ascend when it looks so important up there? A: It was just a design mistake, honestly. We went in with the idea of a "dungeon" but designed a tower, realized our mistake, and went "well, whatever" and continued with the idea of descending. Q: I'd like to ask about the lives of the other NPCs. A: We thought of them to the extent that's necessary to propel the story forward. Of course, over time, their backstories developed in our minds, but we never made anything concrete in the game itself, and there was never really anything like "we planned for this to be revealed, but it was cut for time." There are a few things I had decided, but I honestly don't remember them now. Q: What's up with the sweat bone? And why is it called a "body fluid" bone in Japanese, but "sweat" in English? A: There's no real reason. I think sweat is a fine translation. Q: Why does the protagonist have a female voice actress? Does it have anything to do with the plot? A: We were thinking of Summer Vacation 1999 in cultivating the atmosphere. There's no real plot reason... we were just very much inspired by Summer Vacation 1999. Q: Is the Archangel really really really named Tenjou Kyushiro? A: It was a half-assed answer. I'm really sorry. He doesn't have a name, but if you need one, that's what I've got for you. Q: Is the Archangel albino? If he's Japanese, and has that kind of coloring... A: You're thinking too much about it, but maybe he is. He might also just bleach his hair and use contacts, like a visual-kei artist. Q: Where did the idea of twins come from? A: We were inspired by Summer Vacation 1999, or if you go back a little further, by Hagio Moto's Heart of Thomas. The scene where the older brother (in Baroque) jumps from the tower was inspired by the suicide in this manga. We took a lot of inspiration from Hagio Moto. Q: How and why would people join the Malkuth group? A: Well, of course if they were suspicious or curious about the existence of god. Also, the Order of Malkuth produced plenty of pieces of entertainment before the Blaze, like idol groups and things like that. It's a rather big group as a result, with members of varying ages and strength of beliefs. Q: So... how is the Archangel doing? Like, emotionally? A: I have no idea. Q: What's with that big flower in the Boxbearer's room? A: I... honestly don't know. We designed it originally, and I think we just never took it out. It just looks nice. Q: What is the protagonist's name? A: I don't know. I can't make that decision. People will definitely get mad if I say anything. ...there's none. Yeah, no. He doesn't have a name. Yeah. With a character like that, that's for everyone to do with as they please, it feels wrong for me to decide something like that for myself. I think the people who care enough to ask could probably come up with a more appropriate name that suits their impression of the character. Q: There are people who really can't choose, though, and would like to hear your impressions of a "default" name. [then there's a long discussion here about yonemitsu's approach to character creation and things like that, and someone else pointed out that there are some creators who think of their characters as their children and their own things to be decided by them, but he doesn't feel that way. he likes learning about his characters from the people who experience them and give back, as in the case of the archangel's sister] [he also talked a bit about his original pitch (?) for baroque. something about "the fragment of a boy, the soul of a girl" and maybe originally rather than twin brothers it was some complex distortion with a hero/heroine?] Q: What is the “Red Queen” story that had been cut? A: There was a train derailment incident just before the Blaze that ended up at the base of the Neuro Tower, where government officials and cult members were both involved. [The audio was bad here, but someone managed to catch that the name of the train itself was probably The Red Queen, like the names for the various bullet trains and other special trains in Japan.] Q: What is the relationship between the Baroquemonger and the Horned Girl? A: Not a clue. Q: When the Archangel says that he “likes” protagonist, his “foolishness”…? A: I don’t know what the Archangel is feeling. Q: Moon is just a fish? A: Yeah. It’s probably delicious. Q: Tell us about the Twisted Ones in the Outer World. A: Only a couple of them are actually members of the Order of Malkuth. The others were involved in the train incident and/or were just being kept/confined by the Order of Malkuth. [and a clarification on what i thought was the pitch for baroque was actually the (scrapped) idea for a sequel it was going to be a choice-based game but not strictly a visual novel, more like something with intentionally basic gameplay that explored the distortion of two people (the aforementioned boy and girl) at the moment of the blaze.] [based on what we know from the explanation on heat day and what already exists, the red queen was indeed the name of the “quantum measurement train,” a train with an unknown (to us) purpose that ran near the neuro tower. since it was cut in the main game as a playable area (yonemitsu has talked about this before iirc), it was incorporated as a railway accident that occurred as the result of the blaze, and the non-malkuth npcs were riding the train when it happened (as they would have been in the cut content) and that’s how they ended up where they are. the red queen theory itself in the real world is the theory that species basically have to evolve or die because everyone else is evolving, combine that with the (quantum) measurement problem which is the schrödinger’s cat thing, and you have the impression of a train that was functioning as a schrödinger’s cat for distortions? which seems reasonable enough to me...]

[adler-obsessed]

Hi! I'm new in the fandom and wanted to ask why everyone seems to be hating Derek Landy? Yes the books are pretty brutal and he's low-key sadistic with the characters, but aren't most book authors? I just finished book 6 and I'm really enjoying them so far. I'm just curious and don't wanna offend anyone.

oh boy buckle up - I just want to first of all say welcome to the fandom!!! Although it may seem a bit negative sometimes, it’s mainly because we love the series and characters so much!

There’s a lot of people who know more about + have details on Landy’s problematic statements/actions so guys/fandom if you could add that onto this post, I’d appreciate it.

A short summary:

problematic representation in books

the disaster of Phase 2

attacking fans (bonus: his gf attacking fans)

problematic relationships with young fans

But I’ve been meaning to do an analysis of why Landy’s representation of queer people and the LGBTQ+ Community has been problematic for a while and I have examples so buckle up everyone:

So, as a brief introduction, there’s several reasons why people aren’t the biggest fan of Landy - one you won’t be aware of for awhile is Phase 2, which starts after Book 9

Phase 2, I think I can say confidently, has not been as well received as Phase 1. Lots of the characters we liked in Phase 1 don’t appear or have lost all their character development from Phase 1. There are so many side plots that are very confusing and most people aren’t particularly interested in them so large parts of each book are quite boring for most of the fandom.

But onto my main argument (edit: in a reblog below, Faceless has linked many of the examples I discuss if you are interested)

Landy has had quite a bumpy ride when it comes to representation: in the Demon Road series (outside of SP) there was a very problematic portrayal of a wlw relationship. He claimed that everyone is eventually bisexual, and then there is a wider issue of representation in the actual Skulduggery books.

Firstly, those characters that are in the LGBTQ+ community tend to have that aspect of their life continuously pointed out/or mentioned (like Landy is trying to show how ‘diverse’ he is) but then have very little character development/or mention of anything other than that.

There is a supposedly major wlw ship in Phase 2, but it is so underdeveloped it feels more like a main character and her cheerleader. In the last book we finally got some development only for them to then break up (although I somewhat liked the realistic reasons behind it, it did disappoint me)

Linking from this, there is a general difference in how Landy treats non-canon queer ships versus straight ones

When asked about the possibility of a non-canon straight ship, he said he didn’t like to dismiss the fan’s ships. In comparison when a fan asked about mlm ship, he immediately said no to it (keep in mind there was no dubious relationship between these two in the books, they are super close so it made no sense for him to completely refuse it)

Landy also likes to point out his queer characters like China and Tanith, who are both canonly bisexual/pansexual (he confirmed to a fan that China and Eliza were a thing) and yet, whenever the two are romantically involved with someone, it’s a man.

Now, before I get people attacking me saying they are still bisexual even though they’re in straight passing relationships, I AM bisexual, I hate it when people invalidate my sexuality just because I am in a relationship w a guy or girl.

But eVERYTIME, these two end up with a guy, and the only time Landy has confirmed they aren’t straight are either in blink and you’ll miss it moments or outside of the books (sort of like Rowling claiming characters were gay on Twitter, and yet these characters were never seen expressing these identities in the books or in later media)

So why is this representation problematic? Because writers like Landy seem to think they’ve actually done a good job - stating once that a character identifies/or has a certain sexual orientation, and then never elaborating on it again, as if that somehow wins him brownie points.

I’m not going to talk to much about Never - for context this is a gender fluid character in Phase Two - because I myself am not gender fluid, so I would not want to speak for that side of the community incorrectly. In my personal opinion, having several genderfluid friends, Never’s characterisation is bloody weird.

For context, in the books, Landy changes the pronouns that Never uses and others use to address him/her practically every sentence. At times it feels less like a portrayal of a genderfluid character, and more like a mockery (one of my aforementioned genderfluid friends stopped reading the series at this point because they found it too close to the mocking insults their grandparents would use e.g. changing pronouns every sentence as if making out that their gender identity was some absurd thing)

Again, rest of the fandom feel free to interject in here, there are definitely people more qualified to speak on this than me.

I also want to talk a little bit about the problematic way Derek handles female members of the LGBTQ+ community in comparison to the male ones. I’ve mentioned above a bit of the problems with China/Tanith but I want to go a bit further into the issue with the male ones: namely, there are barely any.

While the three main female characters are all canonly bisexual, none of the major male ones are (if I’m wrong, please correct me!) and the only one who could possibly be considered major is Anton Shudder and his boyfriend who are confirmed to have been in a relationship, oh wait, when they are both dead. Apart from that, there is not one major male member of the LGBTQ+ community in these books that Landy claims are so diverse.

I think it is also slightly worrying that so many of Landy’s female characters are bisexual, characters who Landy also constantly describes as pretty/gorgeous/attractive etc. because it just feels like that typical thing of men fetishising wlw women (particularly bisexual women) hence why I also think the fact that two of these women never have a relationship with another wlw in the actual books is very problematic, as these sexual orientations feel more for show than actual canon most of the time.

There is a very big problem with the way Landy goes about queer representation in his books, and the worse part? He thinks he’s doing great.

[onecanonlife]

I think 18 and 20 would be very interesting to hear about, especially in relation to Careful Son

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

ah yes, the forbidden abandoned plotlines. i have several of those

fun fact, originally, i was gonna have c!schlatt be c!tubbo’s dad, but like. neither of them would know it, and they’d figure it out by the end. i abandoned that idea pretty quickly, but you can still see the echoes of it in the first time c!tubbo talks about him

i was also originally going to have rocket duo come into play a lot sooner. the initial idea was to have c!wilbur catch them literally trying to blow up c!tommy’s house. that one was left out mostly because a) it got to a point where there was no real way to work it in smoothly and b) in actual canon, rocket duo’s shenanigans were no longer so much of a thing, so the idea lost appeal to me

i’m pretty sure i also wanted to work in c!skeppy somewhere sooner, but that ended up not happening. and in the earliest conception of the fic, i don’t think i planned for dreamxd to play a part at all? which is wild, considering how important that plotline turned out to be, but i think my original plan was for them to actually find some sort of helpful information somewhere in all those old books

ooh and i was going to have c!puffy actually be c!dream’s parent. that one actually got put in the fic before i decided not to develop it further, so you can see it referenced in earlier chapters. in future installments, i plan to retcon that bit as being like... c!puffy feels some sort of parental responsibility toward him? but she’s not his parent

there’s probably a few more but i almost never write down my outlines, so my brain’s lost track of a lot of details about how things were originally going to be lmao

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

one thing that i’ve always felt proud of myself for was that i foreshadowed c!wilbur’s hair turning white all the way back in chapter eight:

He breathes, and fluid fills his lungs, but it moves as easily as if he were inhaling air. His hair floats in front of his face, gleaming white in the glints of sunlight. That should be strange, perhaps, but he feels so very calm.

not sure whether anyone caught onto that or not. and another thing is, a lot of people noticed that i’d been laying the groundwork for c!schlatt’s final scene since chapter eight, where he and c!wilbur discovered their connection for the first time, but what he said?

“Yeah, well,” Schlatt says, his voice echoing and distant and staticky. Like a snowfall. “Maybe I want you to prove me wrong.”

this, i was planning ever since chapter five

“You say you don’t want to hurt Tommy? Fine. I even believe you,” Schlatt continues. “But don’t act like you’ve come back to life and suddenly you’re some saint. You’re fooling yourself, Wilbur. People like us don’t change. You can put on as much of a shine on the outside as you want, but scratch that paint off, and you’re still the power-hungry asshole who blew up a city as a hissy fit.”

so literally i’d been sitting on that scene for fifteen chapters

as far as character development goes, c!wilbur’s relationship with ghostbur is one of the plot threads i always liked the most. he starts out completely rejecting the idea that ghostbur could be him in any way, and he thinks of him as useless in much the same way that he’s ended up thinking of him in canon. and then, gradually, he starts to accept that ghostbur actually was him, at least in part, and that his kindness and love was a part of him all along, not something that existed completely separately from him. that last scene with friend in the final chapter was something i’d really been looking forward to writing

um and also i need everyone to know where i referenced ‘ode to l’manburg,’ in case you didn’t catch it. from chapter twenty:

What does he want?

(freedom, once, freedom and choice and a place to call his, a place where he and his loved ones would be safe, and he built the walls as both practicality and symbol, and he wanted to protect, wanted to lead, wanted a land that was good and a land that was free)

[dalekofchaos]

Rian Johnson did Finn dirty and we gotta stop pretending he didn’t

Every now and then I am reminded how I hate how dirty Finn was done in the Sequel Trilogy. TFA started it, but TLJ continued it. JJ started it with the bait and switch, Rian continued by making sure Finn would remain a side character, which JJ would finalize in TROS.

Like I like TLJ for the visuals and Rey and Ben’s dynamic, but let’s be clear. It absolutely did nothing for Finn, Poe or Rose. Pretty much all the characters of color were given the shaft.(and one of them didn’t even get any speaking lines, NO I WILL NEVER NOT BE MAD ABOUT THIS)

Let’s take a look at what Rian Johnson did with Finn

Finn is repeatedly harmed for comedic effect. Most of his important scenes were either cut or rewritten. He is constantly belittled and mocked throughout the movie.

The beginning of Finn in the movie. Finn awakens from his coma. Does he struggle to come to terms with his near-death experience? Is he fearful that Rey is dead and he failed her? Is he scared, in pain? Nope. He falls on his face and squirts juice everywhere. The medics on-duty were on a coffee break and allowed their patient to wander the fucking halls unattended. And with that, his duel with Kylo is worthless and made a joke to laugh at.

Finn’s deleted scenes. The deleted opening where Finn wakes up. Finn and Poe’s scene on the Raddus where Finn declares he’s not joining The Resistance, but Poe simply says “you are where you belong” and hands him his coat after stitching it up for him. Then the scene where BB-8 shows Finn Rey’s last moment with Finn. Then the deleted scene with the one Stormtrooper where Finn shows restraint. and Finally the scene that shows a better death scene for Phasma......why were any of these scenes deleted? ESPECIALLY THE PHASMA ONE! I will never understand why this was deleted. Finn calls her out about her betrayal of lowering the shields and when this information is revealed, the Stormtroopers near her look suspicious and it looks as if they are going to turn on her. Phasma like the ultimate survivalist she is kills them with no hesitation. Finn cuts her hand off and blasts her into the abyss, giving Phasma a more deserving and better send off. Seriously, this is way better than their actual confrontation.  What I really like about this scene is its direct connection to The Force Awakens plot point and that it acknowledges Phasma’s survivalist attitude which was introduced into her novel.

Finn’s injuries do not get attention, but Kylo’s injuries do. In The Force Awakens, Finn fights Kylo Ren. He does well, but is ultimately defeated.  He is slashed in the shoulder and the spine by Kylo Ren and falls into the snow, unconscious. Now if this were in the first 6 movies, Finn would be dead or would be paralyzed. But because it’s a Disney movie, Finn heals up. Rey continues the fight and slashes Ren across the face, leaving him with a gash. The characters all escape, but Finn has to be carried to a medical station, unconscious until TLJ. Kylo Ren seems fine, ultimately jumping in a TIE fighter to try and kill his mom before getting patched up further.  Finn, again, has to wake up before doing anything. Here’s the difference between Finn and Kylo’s injuries.  Finn awakens in a medical bed wearing a bacta suit.  His first instinct is to call out for Rey. As he jolts up, he slams his head against the medical container.  He slams against it again. Regaining awareness, he opens up the medical container to find himself alone in a cargo room.  He falls out of the bed, spraying medical fluids all over the place.  He trudges down the hallway until Poe and BB-8 find him. His injuries are never mentioned, shown, or even referenced again.  Kylo, on the other hand, is asked by Snoke how his wound is, to which he responds “it’s nothing.”  He then takes that ridiculous thing off, complete with a close-up of a sad kylo Ren face, with his sutures  framed to draw attention to them. This happens again in the elevator.  Then we get a scene of him getting patched up soberly by a medical droid.  Then we get a shirtless scene as a final showcase of his other two scars.  Throughout the film, Kylo’s scars are present and framed as a constant reminder that he went through pain.  Finn’s injuries are used as a joke once and promptly forgotten, and let’s not pretend that these injuries are  one-to-one aside from how they’re framed.  Remember Finn received injuries trying to protect Rey, while Kylo received injuries trying to murder Finn and bring Rey before Snoke, a fate worse than death. Finn received a deep wound across his spine, which can often be fatal in the real world.  Kylo received a gash across his face.  Finn’s injuries were worse and nobly gained. Kylo’s injuries were comparatively tame and well deserved.  Yet the movie uses Finn’s pain as a joke, and Kylo’s pain as a humanizing factor. That Rey, as well as the director, cinematographer, and a considerable portion of the audience sees a scar and is willing to find sympathy with the person, no matter what they have done, is pretty reprehensible. Not only is Kylo Ren’s scar not enough to be considerably a change to his appearance, as Rian Johnson specifically modified the location of his scar because, “it looked goofy,” the scar is not the mark of an accident or from an assault, but rather from a failed assault on his part. Also, I could get into how messed up it is that scars that don’t fit Rian Johnson’s preferred model are considered goofy. Is a scar that isn’t kept to one side of the face not worth showing? Is a person with a scar you don’t personally like somehow less able to be taken seriously? By treating Kylo’s minor wounds as a big, life-changing deal, and treating Finn’s life-threatening wounds as a trivial matter of no more consequence than a joke, The Last Jedi reinforces century-old stereotypes about Black people. Specifically, it implies that Black people are somehow less affected by pain, have higher pain tolerances, or cannot be physically damaged the way White people can. This is a demonstrated, dangerous trend, where white people actually perceive Black people as experiencing less pain than White people under the same situations. Older textbooks, including some used as recently as late 2017, suggest Black people over-report the pain that they are experiencing. Doctors have declined to give painkillers to Black patients expressing the same level of discomfort that would grant a White patients the same painkillers, and some surgeons even believe that less anesthesia is needed for operations on Black people. This, of course, goes beyond the medical field, where Black people are not believed when they speak about suffering, and are expected to take more physical abuse than their White counterparts. However as the injuries are framed in a medical setting in this movie, I wanted to primarily address the medical bias as in the real world. This has been referred to as an empathy gap. When two people are hurt, with everything except the skin colour being the same, and White people feel worse for the hurt White person, there is a gap in empathy. Now, when the conditions are not the same, and the White person deserves to be hurt, and is hurt much less, and is still empathized with more, and the White man’s acts of attempted murder are framed as romance, while the Black man’s friendship is framed as harassment. Let’s also talk about Finn’s treatment. He’s placed alone in a room filled with cargo, without any monitoring.  It’s almost like the medical staff doesn’t even deem his injury serious enough to receive attention.  He’s not on the medical ship, which we know they have.  He’s not even in the Raddus’s Medical Bay, which, again, we know they have. Finn is isolated, left unattended,  injures himself, and stumbles out into the hallway without any assistance. All for a joke.  Finn’s injury should have been treated with respect and acknowledgement. A scene with the doctors examining his injuries, telling Finn he is medically clear to join The Resistance and Finn  sorrowed by his inability to help his friends, would have been light-years better than a scene where Kylo looks sad getting hurt while trying to kill people.

Finn’s rivalry with Kylo Ren drops instantly. Like Finn’s injuries, Finn’s rivalry with Kylo Ren is dropped for no reason whatsoever and never mentioned again. Finn and Kylo Ren are narrative foils, yet after TFA it’s dropped??? From the start they have been prominent foils to each other: dark from light and light from dark, both in the First Order but in drastically different positions. And Kylo too obviously has strong feelings about his defection. I also believe that Finn is the awakening in the force that Kylo and Snoke felt. Perhaps that is why Kylo focused on Finn and is so angry about him. Finn is also the first person to use the legacy lightsaber and is the first to actually fight Kylo. TLJ could've focused on Finn and Kylo being  narrative foils having a force connection and Kylo wondering why Finn would switch to the Resistance while Finn wonders why Kylo joined The First Order and  Rey standing in the middle of it all wondering with the new realization that her family has a mixed past of good and evil and her questioning where exactly does she belong? The way at the height of tfa when Kylo Ren rejected Han Solo’s offer for redemption and killed him he looked over and noticed Finn. Like they both locked eyes and in that moment was a surge of emotions between them— shock (and some fear) on Finn’s end, and anger on Kylo’s as he shouts at Finn that he’s a traitor— and those circumstances set Finn and Kylo up to be the dynamic for the sequel trilogy. They were foils, and the trilogy had the potential to truly expand on that and see their development in a final standoff/rematch at the very end. But it was wasted, because why have good movies.

Finn repeats the character arc from the last movie. Finn’s character arc from The Force Awakens was dropped completely in The Last Jedi. He does want Rey to be safe, but TLJ paints it as if  Finn just wants to run away, despite the fact that he learned to be courageous, face his fears and stay and fight at the end of TFA.  The First Order kidnapped Finn as a child, from his family(possibly killed his family) he was able to leave The First Order and resist the indoctrination. He no longer wanted to fight, he wanted to leave everything, he wanted Rey to come with him. When Rey was captured, Finn had something to fight for and when Kylo Ren pushed her. Finn finally stood up to his past and The First Order. He overcame his fear. So Finn should have been wanting to fight The First Order and become a big deal in The Resistance, we could have even seen Finn inspiring a Stormtrooper rebellion  against Phasma and The First Order. Finn just wanting to leave is just bad writing and backtracks his entire character arc from TFA.

Went from one of the major focuses of this trilogy to a side character. Finn is the very reason why The Resistance is alive. Finn breaks his life-long brainwashing, informs Rey and Han about the importance of BB-8 and helps out in getting BB-8 to the resistance and provides vital information that lead to the destruction of STB and gets nearly killed while helping to achieve this. If it were not for Finn saving Poe, BB-8 would’ve been scrapped for parts and Rey never would’ve left Jakku. The map would either be destroyed or be in the hands of The First Order. Starkiller Base would’ve destroyed D’Qar and Ach-To. He is the reason why Poe is still alive. He is the reason why BB-8 isn’t parts and Rey left Jakku. Because of leaving Jakku, this is the sole reason why Han and Chewie were able to find the Falcon. And he is the reason why The Resistance was able to find out about Starkiller Base’s weakness. he Helps out in sabotaging STB so that Poe, the very pilot he saved in the beginning can deliver the finishing blow to Starkiller Base and destroy it completely. In the Last Jedi, Finn awakes from a coma with no one attending him. No medics or guards. He's not even on a medship, he's in the fucking cargo hold. Finn recovering from his injuries is meant to be seen as a joke and his injuries are never mentioned again, while Kylo gets sympathy and shown his scars. There was also no marketing for Finn in the build up to TLJ. Despite Finn knowing that the First Order must be fought and knows there is something bigger than himself and Rey, we then see Finn attempting to flee in an escape pod to hide with Rey. Then he meets Rose. Rose in mourning meets Finn and expects him to be this big Resistance hero, only Finn never officially became one. Rose thought he was deserting. Finn wants to escape to save Rey and because The Supremacy is tracking them through hyperspace, but Rose sees this as desertion….Desertion? You taze people for desertion? How exactly am I supposed to root for either side again? This is probably the same only less lethal treatment one could expect from The First Order. And what if The Raddus took critical damage? Are you trying to tell me Rose would taze anyone going to the escape pods? I thought she was supposed to be a mechanic, not someone who prevents escape. Despite Finn explaining himself, she tazes him. She spends the majority of the movie berating, insulting and belittling him. It's even worse in the novel. Finn, who was the main focus of the last movie, and one of the main protagonists, is now made the sidekick to Rose in a pointless side plot. Finn and Rose then get caught because none of them could bother park their ship legally. Finn, the child slave doesn’t even get to say they should save the child slaves of Canto Bight, instead he blindly follows Rose into freeing the space horses. Then they openly trusts a man who talks like a snake and is shocked when DJ betrays them. Finn and Rose are made to fail their mission pointlessly, when they could've succeeded and get caught on the way to the escape pods. Finn gets to face his oppressor and fight Phasma and end her, but Phasma's better death scene was stupidly cut for reasons I don't understand. Finn then makes one last effort to save The Resistance, the people he loves. Rose stops him. She takes one last chance to insult him and kiss him without his consent as the bunker is destroyed while The First Order prepares to kill what Finn loves....and people see this as love???

The racist undertones of how RIan Johnson wrote Finn. Finn is treated like a racist slapstick caricature. The first real problem for Finn. He is reduced to a slapstick joke in his very first scene. Finn awakens from his coma, slams his face and it is revealed that he isn’t even on the medical ship or even in the medbay on the Raddus...he is in the cargo hold and is made to be a joke. This is the Co-protagonist of the trilogy, and he’s reintroduced as a slapstick joke. Then once again he wants to runaway. I am getting a real racist vibe that Rian Johnson sees Finn as the cowardly black man troupe. That’s just downright disgusting. Moving on. Finn is paired with Rose Tico, honestly I want to like her, but bad writing prevents that. Finn is put with someone who abuses him and we are supposed to root for this and see it as romance? Let me explain. Finn is then tazed by Rose, which is understandable, she thought he was running away and she was in mourning. He also was objectively posing absolutely no threat to her, wasn’t running away, and was even trying to explain himself. Additionally, just the threat of the taser seemed to have been enough to stop him from leaving. But Rose attacked him anyways. The difference between Rey and Rose attacking Finn is Rey subdued Finn just enough to stop and interrogate him, Rose went completely overboard by paralyzing him and knocking him unconscious. It was completely unnecessary and gratuitous. Rey and Finn have a real friendship and partnership from the last movie. Rose, on the other hand, spends the rest of the movie belittling Finn and talking down to him. The book also says that she thought about using violence against him more than once after the tasing (for annoying her) and even pushed him. This displays a really problematic pattern of violence and disrespect towards Finn so yeah,  multiple uses of violence and expressed desire to inflict violence on him as being abusive. I would argue that she is undeniably verbally abusive with Finn. In the movie and in the book (more so in the book) she often belittles him by calling him names and using other put downs. It seems she wants to make him feel bad about himself and bring him down, which is abusive. Of course, it doesn’t really matter what her intent is, even if she doesn’t “mean to be mean” it still counts as verbal abuse. So, in summary, her repeated threats and use of violence against Finn and her continual use of insults and put downs causes me to come to the conclusion that she is abusive to Finn. For the record I am not saying Rose Tico is abusive towards Finn, I am saying how Rian wrote Rose towards Finn is hostile for no reason whatsoever and could be interpreted as abusive and it’s downright tone deaf how the abuse and tazing is directed at the black man of the trilogy. Then Finn is made to fail. The only time he is allowed to be portrayed as a protagonist is him facing his abuser and taking her down. My only problem is they cut out Phasma’s better death scene. Finn reveals Phasma shut down the shields for Starkiller Base, and that gets the Stormtroopers to turn on Phasma. This is what I would hope starts a Stormtrooper Rebellion. Finn’s defection was withheld information by Hux and Phasma in fear of a full on rebellion. Humanizing Stormtroopers and having one become a hero is kind of genius, but the way they did it in Episode 7 made it seem like Finn was the ONLY good Stormtrooper, which has to be an impossibility. If one Stormtrooper can suddenly switch sides, what's to say that others couldn't? And since Episode IX will most likely see the fall of the First Order, I personally think that Finn should convince all (or most of) the Stormtroopers to turn against Kylo and Hux, leading to a cool final scene where the First Order is ultimately destroyed by their own henchmen, children who were abducted and indoctrinated take back their narrative. That would be cooler and more unique, I think, than another Resistance vs. First Order space shootout, or Rey and her possible Jedi apprentice army taking them down. The most insulting part of the movie is the last part. Finn’s suicide run. Finn was the best Stormtrooper and knows about The First Order’s weapons, he should know full well that speeder would be destroyed trying to destroy the mini death star. Finn’s attempted sacrifice was pointless, Finn was treated like garbage throughout the movie, he deserved better.

Finn was almost a big deal for the Resistance in the beginning. It is shown through cut material that Finn was in Cobalt Squadron uniform. If this was the case, there is something real simple they could’ve done. Have Finn be with Paige, have Paige and Finn have a short friendship(this actually gives Ngo Thanh Van speaking lines), Paige being in awe that Finn, someone who escaped The First Order helped The Resistance destroy Starkiller Base is working with him and she is more than happy to show him the ropes. They are co-pilots.  Finn was able to save Paige from dying in space and instead she dies in his arms while leaving a bloody handprint on his heart, working as a callback to when Slip died in Finn’s arms and left a bloody handprint on his helmet and her last words being “tell my sister I love her. Finn brings the bad news to Rose and gives Rose Paige’s pendant. Rose breaks down and hugs Finn. Both Finn and Rose have a good relationship at this point and there is no pointless hostility. You could even have Finn and Rose together finding the hacker and having their plan succeed and just having DJ betray them as they make it to the escape pod. And Finn and Phasma do have their fight, but keep in the deleted Phasma death scene. Instead of that? Nothing and instead of that we get a conflicting and hostile relationship between Finn and Rose and Paige has no speaking lines.

Rian Johnson rejected any and every possible character arc for Finn. Rian squandered a proactive, clearly-defined character from TFA, trying to make him fit moment after moment because he had no real big-picture idea what to do with this guy. And in light of Rian presenting himself as a progressive voice, he deserves to be challenged on why he failed a complex, heroic black character so abysmally while giving clear focus and dignity to the white male villain of the piece. (And this isn’t to say I want Kylo Ren’s character development to be worse, it’s saying I want Finn’s to be better.) But he shouldn’t just have treated Finn with care and dignity because it would’ve been more “progressive” - he should’ve done it because it would’ve made a better MOVIE.

Finn is brought to a white man, put on his knees, and is slapped in the face by said white man who once commanded him. Why? No Answers

Rian Johnson had Finn and Rose arrested and locked in a prison cell. Him and Rose are the only characters to be arrested (as in, not kidnapped by evil regime) in the Skywalker saga. PLUS they were immediately electrocuted after being pointed out to the space cops.

Rian admitted not wanting Finn and Poe together because he can't see them as two separate characters(he can't see two men of color as two different characters, let that sink in) and because in his words they "got along too well" and Rose is only there to give Finn 'conflict" We were robbed of Finn and Poe being boyfriends. I love Rose Tico as a character, but I will always want Finn and Poe to be together, aside from the amazing chemistry Finn and Poe have together and John and Oscar have together, if we get to see a gay relationship portrayed in Star Wars, it will show boys and girls who are gay that nothing is wrong with you, you are perfect the way they are and the way they love is beautiful. Oscar Isaac fought to have Finn/Poe together, he encouraged the shippers that the relationship they want is valid and supports it. And I feel so bitter after finding out Finn and Poe were meant to have scenes together in Canto Bight but were separated because Rian Johnson said “those two were getting along too well and that would be boring”  aka Disney doesn’t want gay characters in their cash cow. Despite Oscar’s fight, FInnpoe did not happen and it’s a damn shame. 

Rian Johnson joked about keeping Finn in a coma

Rian had a scene written where Finn was too bumbling/confused to know how to put on a tuxedo. He also had a scene where he sees alien ass unconsensually. 

Finn’s suicide run. Finn knows about the weapon during his time as a Stormtrooper, so he should know full well that speeder would be destroyed trying to destroy the mini death star. Finn’s attempted sacrifice was pointless as he knew that it wouldn’t work.

Rian has Rose explain to Finn, A CHILD SOLDIER, that war and child slavery are wrong.  Surely you see the issue there.

Finn almost had memories of his upbringing, but Rian chose to cut it. "In the original scene, Rose’s story of her childhood was a bit tamer and Finn shared his backstory with her, revealing a further connection between the two characters – that they both had family members taken by the First Order. Most of the sequence was reshot."

Rose stopping Finn. “that’s how we win, not by fighting what we hate, by saving what we love.” That makes no sense and ignores the entire narrative of Star Wars and heroism of the saga. Paige, her sister sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. Holdo sacrificed herself to save The Resistance. The Rogue One crew sacrificed themselves. Kanan Jarrus sacrificed himself to save what he loved. Finn’s entire arc in the movie was learning not to just think about running away with Rey and fight for a greater cause and when the time comes for Finn to prove that he’s grown as a character, he can’t? What was the point of Finn’s arc in the movie? And let’s talk about Poe. Shouldn’t Poe be sacrificing himself? Poe has spent the entire film watching others die and give their lives and he’s never backed down, so shouldn’t Poe be in Finn’s place? And if Rose stopped Finn who would save The Resistance? We saw after Rose stopped Finn, the bunker was blown up by the battering ram. Absolutely NO ONE knew that Luke was going to make his surprise entrance and save everyone. For all we knew, The First Order would’ve moved into the bunker and killed everyone and The Resistance.

I am well aware that JJ Abrams did Finn no better, I even talked about it here. But let’s be honest, Rian didn’t know what to do with Finn and truly did him dirty. 

This was really the easiest character arc for them to write. Indoctrinated Child Soldier turned Elite Soldier who after realizing what he was doing was wrong, wants to make things right, hunted by the FO for treason and because he knows too much, he slowly finds his path with the resistance and trains in the force with Rey and together they rise as the new Jedi, oh and Poe is his boyfriend.

It is my own personal headcanon that The force chooses Finn because he chose empathy for his fallen brother and chose to walk away from killing innocents.

Finn had potential to be one of the best characters we ever got in Star Wars. It’s been over 3 years since he was sidelined in the sequel trilogy and it still upsets me to this day. John really deserved better, to be marketed like this and then sidelined is just awful.

Finn in The Force Awakens: trooper number as call back to Leia, Awakening in the Force, & call to the hero’s journey/defending the symbolic hope of the Skywalker family is peak Star Wars & whatever was Abram’s original intent for Finn’s prominence in the ST; undone by studio interference because KK and China did not want a black lead.

Finn was the literal 1st face we saw when they teased The Force Awakens, it's clear he was supposed to lead the way for the future of Star Wars, criminal what they did to the character and god forbid a person of color saves the galaxy because some of ya’ll can't handle it

Finn was setup as the male lead and co-protagonist of the sequel trilogy. That’s not an opinion, that’s not a headcanon, that’s a literally fact. He was set up to be equal with Rey & Kylo’s foil and we all know why that changed.

At the start of the trilogy, we all thought people of color would have a prominent role in the new trilogy and there was a potential for the first LGBT relationship in Star Wars. But no, it’s clear that both TLJ and TROS gave us the impression that only white people can be Jedi and save the galaxy, people of color can only have secondary roles. And the blink and you miss it kiss? Only white women, not two men of color who clearly love each other.

Finn deserved to be a main character alongside Rey and Ben. He deserved a good character development, a great arc, an interesting backstory. he had the potential to become one of the most epic star wars characters. TLJ and TROS was an insult for him and he deserved better. nobody will EVER change my mind.

Finn should have been a Stormtrooper turned Jedi.  It doesn’t matter that you think it tells a better story for him to not be a Jedi. “Finn being a hero who is not a Jedi is important.” Poe and Rose are great examples of ordinary heroes coming from nowhere. Rey was supposed to be a jedi related to Skywalker or Kenobi legacy while Finn was the perfect "nobody from nowhere" that becomes a Jedi. And honestly, Black kids deserved to see themselves in the Black Jedi and black kids deserved to see themselves as one of the three protagonists of the trilogy.

[relatablegenzwriter]

heya~ bit weird but do you have any advice for outlining? I always outline but half way through actually writing something I realise I've not thought of something (OTL) Thanks in advance!!

Advice on Outlining

I honestly never thought I’d see the day someone asked me for advice on outlining. When I was about ten and aiming to be the world’s youngest published novelist (lmao look how that turned out), everyone who knew me as a writer also knew that I would never, ever outline before I wrote something. I argued that it sucked all the fun out of writing. I couldn’t let my characters do whatever they wanted if I had to stick to a script. I would have to spend more time planning that I could’ve spent on actually writing my stories. I’d see all the gaps and places where my story was lacking in its plot. I’m not selling this outlining thing well, am I?

As I’ve written more, I’ve also warmed up to the idea of outlining. I’ll again preface this by saying I have never finished a novel, despite having started countless, so I can’t speak to how outlining has helped me throughout a project. But I do have a general sense of what works and what doesn’t, at least for me, so I’ll do what I can.

After some careful thought, here’s my advice on how to outline.

Don’t outline.

At least, not right away. I’ve found that I need to know my story, its characters, its ~vibes~, etc. before I can really make an accurate outline. A common concern with outlines is that you’ll make people do things out of character, or that the story won’t want to go in the direction you tell it to. Test out the waters a little bit first. Write that one scene that’s been in your head–you know which one I’m talking about–and figure out the style, the main characters, the mood, everything you really need to get the feel of your story. I like to write a bunch of beginnings, which can be helpful even if you don’t know where to start your story. Some people like to do character questionnaires so they know who they’re dealing with. Others will have that one scene that they think of when they think of their story, and will write that first to figure out where to go from there. There’s a lot of ways to warm up to the story, so play with a bunch of them and figure out what works for you. The point I’m trying to get across here is that you can’t successfully outline if you don’t know your story well enough. Fortunately, that’s an easy problem to fix.

What’s next?

That depends. If you look up “outlining methods”, you’ll find hundreds of lists, questionnaires, and weird diagrams that look like they came straight out of high school English class. There is no magical way to outline. With that being said, I’ll describe the way that I outline my work, and then add some general tips at the end.

       2. The basics.

Trying to write out every little detail from the beginning will likely overwhelm you and create writer’s block before you’ve even started writing.

don't do that.

Instead, get your basics all in one place: who are your characters? Where is it set? What is the premise? Once you do that, make note of the events that you know will happen. “Lily dies”, “Sam and Evan kiss”, “Aiyana confronts her family”, etc. I sometimes like to fill this out on paper or on a whiteboard like a timeline. Otherwise, making a bulleted list in a digital document also works. The one thing I’d advise is not to make this kind of list on paper, because as you start to insert more events between others, it’ll start to get really crowded.

      3. Fill in the rest!

Start to generate scenes and events that go between the ones you already have. Some things to consider:

what propels the story from point A to point B?

what needs to happen to further your characters’ arcs? (a follow up: do you know how you want your characters to grow throughout this story? what needs to happen in order for them to change?)

what could POSSIBLY happen?

is there a character who’s not doing enough yet who you want to give more attention to? something that’s not highlighted much in your list that you want to focus on more?

And essentially, you’ve made an outline! I know, so few steps. But this is actually going to take a while. This method may not work for you, and you’ll have to find other ones (that I’m not going into detail about because I don’t use them or know much about them). You’ll have to take some time to get to know your story. Step three WILL give you writer’s block, and as always you’ll be able to break through it, but don’t expect this process to be easy. But it is worth it!

And finally…

      4. Change it.

Once you sit down to write your story, chances are you’ll run into a plothole, or something you want to do differently. You asked about this in your question, and all I can say is yes! You’re right! For my oldest WIP, which has been around for almost six years, I can recall four specific outline revisions where I wrote the whole outline again from scratch. (This particular WIP has given me SERIOUS trouble, so take my experience with a grain of salt.) What I can say is that every time you revise your outline, it will get stronger, you’ll know your story better, and you’ll have more opportunity to be creative and revisit your story. I don’t understand why it’s considered the norm to outline once and then move on with a project, when it should be perfectly acceptable to pause your writing, say “that doesn’t look right”, and outline the story again. Your story, especially in the early stages, is fluid! You’ll actually be surprised by how long it remains that way, too. Point is, it’s okay for things to come up in the writing that don’t make sense with the outline, as long as you’re willing to revisit your original plans and reassess. I haven’t seen this approach discussed much if at all, so there’s a very good chance I could simply be a very disorganized writer who hasn’t made much progress on her big projects. But there could also be some legitimacy to this word jumble, so take what you will from it.

      5. Other outlining exercises…

Try to map out individual character arcs as part of your outlining. That way, you can make sure that their development lines up with the events in the story and the development of other characters.

If you’re a visual person, writing plot points on sticky notes and arranging them on a wall is very useful and also makes you feel like This Man. 

Free write (no erasing!), by hand, a summary of your plot–no detailed prose or dialogue, just a straightforward description of what happens. If questions come up, write them into the outline and keep writing. Once you finish you can go back and highlight all the questions you wrote.

Speaking of questions: when one comes up, really dive into it. What I like to do is write the question on top of a piece of paper and make a bulleted list of all the possible answers. Dive deeper into the ones you like, maybe combine a few. You could also do one of those web diagram things (those ones that look like clouds) if you’re the diagram type.

As your outline evolves, reassess why each scene is there. If it’s only purpose is “I like writing it”, maybe it’s time to write it for you and cut it out of the story. (Side note: this still applies to That Scene. You know the one.)

Call someone and explain the plot to them. They don’t necessarily need to be a writer, just someone who’s willing to listen to you relay the plot of a whole story to them. They can give input if they like, but the purpose of this is for you to have to explain your plot to someone else. It’ll be more obvious to you when something doesn’t make sense or belong in the story if you’re explaining it to another person. Especially note any clarifying questions or moments of confusion that they have. If you don’t have a person willing to do this, record yourself talking about it to your phone/camera/tablet/computer.

Don’t be afraid of the dramatic. When you’re first coming up with an outline, you’re exploring ALL possibilities. Even if your answer to “How does Aoife end up at Shauna’s house?” ends up being “She took the bus” instead of “The mailman, who is actually her estranged uncle, kidnapped her from her home and hid her in Shauna’s basement because Shauna and her uncle were having an affair”. You get to be creative, have fun, and even if you take the more realistic route, you’re reaffirming that that’s the direction you want to take.

Best of luck to you!

[pikapeppa]

Pikapeppa Tutors: How To Write A Longfic

Greetings, friends! I am Pikapeppa (queenofkadara on AO3), and today I’m writing a little tutorial about how to write a longfic. 

Before we dive into it, first things first: how do we define a longfic? In a nutshell: there is no fully agreed-upon answer. Different people define it in different ways. Word count is often used to define a longfic, but I don’t think that’s sufficient; furthermore, there is literally no agreement whatsoever about the word count required to count as a longfic. For the purposes of this tutorial, I will define a longfic as a multi-chaptered fic with a complex plot, and which is the same length or longer than the Great Gatsby - i.e. longer than 47k words.

Given this definition, I have completed 10 longfics, and I have completed 7 more multi-chaptered fics with complex plots which are <47 words. This is the experience I’m drawing from for this tutorial, and please be warned in advance that I have no formal writing training, so if you want advice from someone with formal training, then, it’s, er, best to look elsewhere. 😅 Please also note that this is based only on how I personally write longfics. Others might do different things, but this is just my method, which has successfully allowed me to finish every project I’ve started.

For me, writing a longfic involves following the following steps:

Know the endpoint of the fic.

Make an outline.

Write the chapters in order. 

Easy, right? NAH, BRO. It can be tough! But let’s break this all down piece by piece. Then I’ll address the final topic of editing and actually posting the fic. 

1. Know your endpoint. 

One question I’ve received is how to think long-term for a story rather than one chapter at a time. My biggest and most important piece of advice for a longfic is this: know how you want the story to end. Does your main couple live happily ever after, or do they have a terrible sad breakup? Is the villain defeated, or do they escape to wreak havoc another day? Does your character make a startling realization that spurs them to change, or do their flaws lead to their downfall? The endpoint doesn’t need to be specific, and you don’t need to know how exactly it come about. But you need to know what the most important part of your ending will be. You should know the target that you’re aiming at before you start writing. If you know the ultimate goal of your story, you can keep that in mind while writing each of your chapters so that they serve that ultimate goal. 

The nice thing about this advice: if the longfic you want to write is a retelling of a canon game/show/whatever through your OC’s eyes, then you already have the endpoint. I will call this kind of longfic a “novelization”, and this constitutes 4 of my 10 longfics. Because the endpoint is already given to you by the canon game, novelizations can be a great way to ease into writing longfics, and a great way to practice the various elements of writing a longer story such as pacing and developing relationships, since the main plot points and conclusions already exist. Similarly, if your longfic idea is a fix-it fic because you didn’t like the ending that the canon game gave you, the endpoint is already still there: you know the alternate ending that you want, and every chapter you write can be geared toward building up to that ending. 

On more than one occasion, I have put aside a fic idea I liked because I didn’t know how the story was going to end. On the flip of this, I have written an entire plot knowing nothing but the endpoint (*cough* the entire Arlathan Forest arc of Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me *cough*). So this would actually be my #1 piece of takeaway advice: before starting a longfic, know how it’s going to end. This way, you have a clear goal that the rest of the fic can aim toward.

2. Make an outline.

A number of people have expressed concerns about outlines. How much of the story should be outlined before writing? How strictly do you need to stick to the outline? How important is it to have an outline?

I totally understand the anxiety about outlining. If you’re more of a pantser than a plotter, outlining can be tough. I personally am far more of a plotter, though I have also had the experience of flying by the seat of my pants before (see above aside re: Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me). All I can tell you is what I usually do and what I would advise. As a quick summary before I dig into it, though, I would say this: The outline can be as detailed or as vague as you want/need it to be, and it should be fluid.

Step 1: Throw down all your ideas in no particular order. 

When I’m just starting to develop a fic idea, the outline is literally just a dumping ground of all my ideas so I don’t forget them. It contains everything in no particular chronological order including plot ideas, character traits, big moments in the romantic relationship that I want to hit, and so on. Really, then, the outline starts off as just a place to brainstorm, with no particular structure needed. 

Step 2: Organize the ideas sequentially.

Once I’ve got all my initial ideas down, I’ll start organizing them sequentially, preparing for the order in which they’ll arise in the fic. If you write on a computer, this is easy to do just by cutting and pasting events in your doc; if you’re more of a visual organizer, it might help to print or write all your ideas on slips of paper and stick them up on the wall so you can move them around, like what Jane the Virgin does.  

By the time this step is done, the outline should, at minimum, consist of a series of events/ideas/conversation snippets etc. that are ordered by when they happen in the story. It could have further organization beyond this, too, if that helps you; for example, almost all of my stories are romances, so they have headings like “Who is Rynne Hawke”, “Fenris psychology”, and “Major relationship moments”. The amount of organization you do at this point is up to you. All that matters is that you start organizing the chaotic jumble of ideas and putting them in order of when they happen in the fic. 

Step 3: Break the events into chapters.

Once my events are generally ordered, I’ll start dividing the events up chapter by chapter based on what I think would be reasonable chunks of plot/relationship development. Importantly, this remains fluid through the entire writing of the fic. I don’t think I’ve ever stuck to the number of chapters I originally planned; I always end up breaking chapters up, or moving things from a later chapter into an earlier one or vice versa, and it works just fine for me. All of this is because The outline is not set in stone. There is no reason things can’t change in the middle of the fic or be moved around as needed. The outline should be thought of as a tool to store your thoughts so you don’t forget, and to organize them in order to help you make your way toward that endpoint. 

It’s also worth noting that my outlines become more and more detailed as I get closer to the chapter in question. For example, if the story is 15 chapters, I might only have a couple lines of plot points for the last 5 chapters when I start writing. By the time I’m coming up on those last 5 chapters, I’ll have a much better idea of what will happen in them since I know what plot points and relationship points need to be wrapped up, and I’ll thus be able to add more details and ideas to the outline. Again, this calls to the outline being fluid and changing as the story goes on. It is not set in stone.

As a final note about this, if the fic is really long, such as Lovers In A Dangerous Time (67 chapters total and >500k words), it is ABSOLUTELY NOT NECESSARY to have the entire story mapped out or to know exactly what’s going to happen in the later chapters. All you need to know is your endpoint, and to have a vague sense of what might happen in those later chapters that will serve the endpoint of the story. Again, this all calls to the outline being a memory and organizational aid rather than a strict and inflexible sequence of a events. 

In sum: the outline should not be thought of as a strict roadmap for your fic. It is a tool that helps you make your way toward the ultimate endpoint of your fic. It allows you to store and organize your thoughts, and it is perfectly fine for it to be fluid and to change as the story goes on. It can be as detailed or as vague as you want, and the amount of detail in it will likely depend on whether you’re a plotter or a pantser. Outlines are never set in stone, and there is no one best way of outlining! The outline is there to help you, not to intimidate you!

 3. Write the chapters in order.

Now, I suspect that this point might raise some objections, but hear me out. Writing a long story is a labour of love, but it is still labour. In any longfic, there are going to be parts that are less fun to write. There are also going to be parts that you are REALLY REALLY JAZZED about writing, and you will want to get straight to those parts and write them because you’re psyched about them. The reason I’m suggesting that you write the chapters in order is to spread out the “work” and the “fun” evenly through the process. If you evenly distribute the less-fun and more-fun parts, then you can use the “fun” bits as a treat for yourself to get yourself through the less-fun bits. You’re basically using your own project as a reward for creating that project, and honestly, there is nothing more satisfying than getting that kind of intrinsic motivation from your own work. 

For example, I hate writing battle scenes. So when the fic gets to a point when I have to write a stupid battle scene, I keep my eye on the prize and tell myself something like: “okay, just finish this battle scene, then you can reward yourself with the fun after-battle banter or smut.”

Here’s another way to think of this: when you’re reading a story, anticipation is key. The buildup to the main event, whether that main event is a big character reveal or the First Kiss/First Fuck, is so important. If you’re reading a story, you don’t want to jump straight to the chapter where the reveal or kiss happens. You want to build up to the big moments when you’re reading a story. Why wouldn’t you want to build up to them as a writer, too?

There are more practical reasons to write sequentially, too. If you write the fic in sequence, it may be easier to keep track of what you’ve done and to know where you’re going next. It can also happen that while you’re writing, you come up with new ideas that you hadn’t thought of when you first started the fic, and those new ideas can have a huge impact on later events. But if you’ve already written the later events, it can be more difficult to incorporate the new idea into what you’ve already done. 

This is not to say you can’t write BITS of later chapters/conversations and hang on to them for later. There absolutely is room for writing when the inspiration strikes. I’ll often have an idea for a conversation or a smut scene that I can’t use until later, so I’ll just write it down and throw it into the outline until the appropriate moment arises. For example, in Lovers In A Dangerous Time, there is a very angsty conversation between Fenris and Hawke in chapter 63 that I had plotted out in point-form about 3-4 months before I actually wrote the chapter. I plotted out the most important lines of that conversation WAY ahead of time, but I forbade myself from writing the scene in detail until the rest of the fic up to threat point was written. 

TLDR: Writing sequentially helps you to reward your story writing with your own story. It allows you to build anticipation for your own story, and it lets you stay flexible and open to new ideas that arise during the process. You can and should write bits of the fun chapters, especially so you don’t forget them, but I strongly suggest saving them and rewarding yourself with them for when the proper time comes. 

Okay, those are basically my three big steps in writing a longfic! Now to talk a little bit about editing and posting. These are not so much advice as just a little bit of my own experience, and what I’ve seen/heard others do.

Editing: a few remarks

I post my fics chapter-by-chapter, which means that I edit and clean each chapter to my satisfaction before I post it. My personal editing process usually involves three passes: a first read and edit, which involves the most changes; a second edit which involves more tweaks than big changes; and a final read before I post, where I try and often fail UGH to catch typos or subtle errors.

It is not necessary to do it this way, however. I know some people prefer to write the whole story, then go back and edit it from the start. This makes total sense, really; this way you can make sure your events are cohesive, and that you haven’t left any loose ends untied that you might have forgotten about. I would say this is a matter of preference, but I wonder if your writing speed might also play a role in this. I’m a fast writer, so I don’t usually forget what I’ve done earlier in the fic by the time I get to the end. But with Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me, which involved a month-long break at one point, I did find myself having to go back and reread old chapters to refresh my memory. So if you’re a slower writer, you might find it helpful to write the whole story, or at least big chunks of it, and then read it through for cohesion before you start to post.

Posting: a few remarks

As I mentioned before, I post chapter-by-chapter. One question I’ve been asked is whether to stick to a posting schedule, or to post when you feel like it. I have done both, and I think either choice is equally valid. All I can really do is explain my experience with this.

When I was a relatively newer writer, I was hardcore obsessed with Horizon Zero Dawn and I was posting a chapter of my Aloy/Nil longfic every day. It wasn’t just my obsession driving this, but also I was getting comments and kudos every single day on every chapter from hungry readers since it was a relatively rarepair at the time. It was basically a crazy feedback loop of me providing fic and getting a lot of comments and then being spurred to keep feeding my own obsession and provide more fic. 

Nowadays, however, I stick to a weekly update schedule for my longfics, and I have a lot of reasons for this. For readers, I get the sense that weekly updates give them something to look forward to and helps build anticipation for tense moments in the fic. It can also give readers some time to digest the previous week’s chapter before receiving the next. I also get the sense that for writers who update and write a lot [points at self], if a reader gets a million update emails from a writer, it can be overwhelming and make the reader feel guilty about not staying up to date with the writer’s works, and there is nothing I HATE more than having readers feel like it’s homework to keep up with my writing. 

My reasons are more selfish, too. I’ve discovered that if I post two chapters on the same day, many readers will only comment on the second chapter. If I space out the posting, I get more engagement from readers, and since I, like all writers, am a whore for comments, I’ve learned to purposely hold on to my chapters and space them out in the hopes that more people will engage with me when they read them. THERE, YOU ALL KNOW MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. PLEASE DON’T JUDGE ME.

Another note on posting schedules and engagement, specifically relating to AO3: when you search in AO3, by default, the results are organized in terms of most recently updated fics. Every time you update your fic, it will show up at the top of the search hit list, thus increasing the chances that someone new will notice it and decide to read it. Spreading out the frequency of your posting can thus optimize the amount of times that it shows up at the top of the search. 

All right, that’s pretty much all I have to say about all this! If I had to sum it all up, though, I would stick to the three-point process I outlined above:

Know your endpoint, and aim toward it.

Make an outline, and remember that the outline is your friend. It’s a memory tool and an organizational aid, and it can and likely will change as your fic goes on.

Write the fic in sequential order, and use your own story to motivate yourself. 

I said this before, but writing a longfic really is a labour of love. It can take months or years to finish a longfic, and it is not always easy. It’s my hope that this little tutorial will make the process less daunting and help some of you guys launch into writing that story you always wanted to write!

If anyone has any other ideas for tutorials that they’d like me to address, please feel free to send me an ask or a PM!

- Lots of love from your friendly neighbourhood Pikapeppa xoxo

[scripttorture]

Are there usually pretty clear lines of separation between instances of torture, negligence, and unethical experimentation? Or do the three tend to cross over pretty often because of general lack of respect for prisoners in those types of situations? (Sorry if this sent twice, Tumblr is being dumb)

There isn’t always a clear separation in reality. The lines can be pretty blurred. (And no worries about multiple copies this place is a hellsite I understand.)

 I make a strict distinction because I feel like that can be helpful to writers who might be… approaching a common sci fi scenario with no knowledge of how medical experimentation works.

 The reason I make that distinction is because I think that otherwise it’s really really easy to fall into the trap of portraying torture as ‘smart’ or ‘scientific’. Which… it isn’t. It can’t be.

 Here’s the thing: if any kind of torture or neglect is going on then it is a variable. And anything truly scientific needs to account for variables. The big question here from my perspective isn’t so much ‘could this cross section of abuse happen’ it’s ‘could the scientists get results from it’.

 If you want to write smart scientists who are actually making some kind of progress with their discoveries then torture isn’t usually a good fit.

 The exception would be when the experiment itself is torture, something like ‘how long does it take the average person to die if we take out their intestines?’ or ‘what happens to the body when a person is starved?’

 I’m going to throw out a couple of examples to show you what I mean writing wise and then talk about how these things happen in reality.

 Say you have your bad guys doing something suitably sci fi like trying to graft wings to some humans.

 In a truly scientific (but unethical) scenario there will be lots of groups of test subjects/prisoners all of whom will be submitted to a slightly different regime to see which gives the highest success rate. They might all be given different drugs after the grafting procedure, or the grafting procedure itself might be subtly different.

 But their cell conditions, food, and general environment would need to be kept constant. That’s done so that procedure itself is reproducible. So that the evil scientists can confidently say ‘this version of the procedure is the most successful one and therefore we should use it.’

 These test subjects could still be suffering a lot because the point here isn’t to reduce their suffering (hence unethical). The point is to make sure that they’re not suffering in a way which impacts the results.

 Now if there are torturers in the facility this careful controlling of factors goes out the window because torturers do not show self-restraint, patience or any real ability to follow instructions.

 The torturers might be going round beating up the prisoners or depriving them of food or interrupting their sleep (I’m just picking common tortures here). And any of those things would be expected to effect someone’s immune response and/or chances of dying. And the torturers (if they’re behaving like torturers) won’t keep records of this or do it in an even, consistent way.

 Which means all the results the scientists are gathering become… meaningless. Because now rather then the results showing the most successful version of the procedure they show… well probably something completely random.

 May be all the test subjects on site 3 died regardless of the procedure used (because there were torturers on that site but not the others). May be the only tests that were successful were the subjects at the last four cells of the corridor (because it was further for the torturers to walk before beating someone up).

 Note that the scientists in this do not know the reasons why these things happened and they might not have enough information to guess.

 The information gathered is flawed. And if using this procedure on a large scale is a later plot point… well it could still be possible with the second scenario but you’d expect a much higher failure rate.

 I’m a scientist. My day job is testing medicines. The history of medicine, and science generally, is full of abuse.

 But that abuse does not look like the cackling evil ‘scientist’ who has a grand total of one test subject and somehow gets consistent, reliable results.

 And when torture and/or neglect overlap with genuine attempts at experimentation in real life it gives results that can’t be taken at face value. They need to be analysed and tested further, sometimes for decades, in order to determine whether they’re genuine or not.

 Let’s take some examples that are more like real life.

 Imagine a scenario where scientists are testing a new vaccine* on prisoners. They are doing this in an unethical manner, by vaccinating the prisoners, waiting for a while and then deliberately infecting them with the disease. Unknown to the scientists the prisoners are routinely sleep deprived.

 Sleep deprivation depresses the immune response. Some of the prisoners develop the disease when vaccinated and die. Some of them don’t but they do get the disease when they’re deliberately infected, suggesting the vaccine doesn’t work. And some of them don’t develop the disease when deliberately infected.

 Now we know today that sleep deprivation reduces the immune response and there is evidence that it can make vaccines in particular less effective.

 So does this particular vaccine work or not? The true answer is that we can’t tell and more data is needed.

 But without the knowledge that at least some of these prisoners are sleep deprived the scientists can’t arrive that conclusion. They can’t really make any definite conclusion.

 As another example let’s look at the case of Elsie Lacks**.

 Elsie was a black child committed to a mental institute in 1950. She was deaf, epileptic and had developmental disabilities of some kind. She was experimented on without her consent during the period she was hospitalised and died at the age of 15.

 We have records of some of the things Elsie was forced to endure because samples sizes were such that some of the experiments must have involved every single epileptic child in the hospital.

 One of the recorded experiments was on brain imaging. It involved draining the fluid around the brain (a painful and dangerous procedure) in order to take pictures of it and identify the cause of epilepsy.

 Stress and trauma can effect the structure of the developing brain. There was no attempt to account for the fact that the overcrowded, dangerous conditions in the hospital could have effected the end results.

 There was also no attempt to account for the fact that these children were being used in other experiments. And that means that if this experiment did identify key brain differences there’d be no firm evidence that those differences were due to epilepsy rather then trauma or other experimental procedures.

 What I’m trying to highlight here is that abuse in an experimental scenario isn’t just unethical it gets in the way of drawing accurate conclusions.

 Torture does sometimes take place with a lot of pseudo-scientific trappings.

 Abuse in concentration camps around the world comes to mind because (with a few exceptions) this mostly seemed to involve individual doctors picking out people to abuse with no real regard to results. Things like attempts to change eye colour by putting chemicals in people’s eyes and sewing twins together appear to have been conducted with pseudo-scientific trappings, rather then as careful experiments.

 I say that these things weren’t experiments because there does not appear to have been any consistency, attempt to create a control group or sufficient sample sizes to draw conclusions.

 And yes, I realise just how fucked up all that sounds when we’re talking about people who were tortured to death. That’s part of my point.

 There’s a difference between a villain who is primarily focused on abusing others and a villain who doesn’t really care whether their victims suffer or not so long as they get data.

 Torture can take place with pseudo-scientific trappings and unethical experimentation can take place alongside torture and neglect.

 I make that strong distinction to encourage authors to think about what the most important part of their scenario is and tailor what they’re writing to reflect that. I want you to think about what’s going on in your story and what the consequences should be for the characters and the plot in general. Mostly I want writers to understand what ‘experiment’ means before throwing the word around and making torturers look smarter then they are.

 An experiment should be:

Reproducible

Conducted with control groups

Conducted with a big enough sample size

Well recorded

Involve only one small change to procedure at a time

Account for variables

Analysed

 So what’s the important part of your story? Is it that the victims suffer, or that the bad guys get some kind of knowledge? And if it’s the latter does the victims’ suffering have the potential to get in the way?

 I don’t really believe in hard writing rules. So long as a scenario isn’t actively supporting torture I try to take a ‘never say never’ attitude.

 The message here isn’t to never ever mix these things together: it’s to take the time to understand the separate components before you do that.

 And think about what any mixture you write might be implying.

 I hope that helps. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*I chose this as an example because this sort of thing happened and because there were some massive risks involved with a lot of early vaccines. This does not mean they were worse then the diseases they protected people against when they worked. See hemorrhagic smallpox. Or don’t if you want to sleep tonight.

 **I come back to this one a lot because it absolutely infuriates me.

[udunie]

(anon submission)

Uhhh…so I really really liked BreedingProgram!nonnie’s ideas. Especially the part about modifying him to carry extra large exotic animals? And it inspired this horribly fucked-up thing, so I promptly had to share it with you (I know it is way too long, I will not feel bad at all if you delete without reading it all).

Basically: a vegetable growing contest, except instead of growing the largest vegetable, it’s a competition to grow the largest omega pregnancy.

The omegas are weighed and have their waists measured on their 16th birthdays. Then their pregnancy is measured on their 18th birthday, and the animal is weighed after it is born. Whoever submits the omega with the biggest pregnancy (vs. pre-pregnancy size) wins. Both the omega and the offspring must survive a live birth (cesareans are disqualifying), and the omega must be fully functional on the measuring day: able to produce at least a quart of milk and tight enough for the judges to achieve orgasm in all three holes (vagina, ass, and mouth). Other than that, the contestant may modify their omega and extend the pregnancy in any way they desire.

The skill comes both in conditioning and growing the omega properly, and getting the timing down. Since the pregnancy is measured against the starting size, growers get their omegas as small as possible in advance of the first judging day - to even have a shot, the omega can’t be larger than a 12 inch waist and 100lbs. It’s standard to remove or reduce all “unnecessary” ribs and internal organs (stomach, liver lobe, kidney, etc.) and feed the omega as little as possible while keeping it healthy enough to reproduce.

Peter was a hot up-in-coming grower, but his last entry went in to labor a week before her 18th birthday and he couldn’t stop her from giving birth, leading to a humiliating disqualification.

Stiles is his chance to redeem himself. In addition to the normal hormone treatments and removing all of the standard unnecessary ribs and internal organs, Peter removes over half of his lungs, so he has to be constantly attached to an oxygen tube (and he will lose some IQ points over time from the deprivation, but that’s not what he’s there for, is it?) and puts him on a starvation diet for two months in advance. It’s a risk that he will make it to the judging, but it works: even though Stiles is taller than average, he weighs in at 86 pounds with a 10 inch waist.

As soon as the omegas are weighed, most growers start modifying their omega’s pelvis so it can accommodate the birth (stretching the canal can be done after the pregnancy begins). Peter doesn’t mess around here - he follows standard procedure and removes the organic pelvis entirely, replacing it with a custom mechanical pelvis that can expand when required. This also allows him to remove the organic legs, and replace them with prosthetics that can be removed to allow easier access to Stiles’s holes. It’s traditional to model the prosthetics to match the species of the offspring. 

Peter takes another risk here: Asian elephants are high risk, high reward. Because of the natural length of the pregnancy, if he wants to extend it further within the two year time frame, he needs to begin the pregnancy *immediately*, which cuts down on preparation time and means Stiles won’t have had time to recover from his starvation diet. But he knows his baby can do it.

Fortunately, Stiles catches on the first try and Peter can move on to the next step: reinforcing his spine. He has to keep it straight in his torso for support, but above that he can force it into a permanent curve that exposes Stiles’s long neck and thrusts his chest out. He never develops proper breasts because he is never able to develop any fat reserves, all of the nutrition he takes in going toward his pregnancy. But Peter is able to develop his nipples into proper long teats with the help of a milking machine he attaches to them every night.

Of course, Stiles develops beautifully, bigger than any omega Peter has grown before. It is clear he is favored to win months in advance, especially considering how small he was when he started. On the day of the judging, he is obscenely huge and passes with flying colors, and gives birth to a healthy baby elephant two weeks later, finally winning Peter the blue ribbon.

…of course, like almost all entries in an omega growing contest, Stiles is completely wrecked afterwards. His womb will never properly deflate and his vaginal canal muscles are too ruined to carry another pregnancy, so he is basically a filthy, empty sack. Peter ends up donating both both him and the elephant to the zoo. The zoo finds a good use for him though - since he is already on a permanent oxygen tube, they attach him to the wall of a giant octopus enclosure, where he quickly becomes a favorite habitat for the octopi to force themselves into. Peter helps the zoo rewire the controls for his pelvis to his orgasm, and the zoo uses him as a learning exhibit for children, showing them how the octopi are clever enough both to figure out how to make their “habitat” open and close, and to enjoy playing with their “toy,” forcing his screaming muscles to open and close as quickly as possible as they make him orgasm continuously.

*************

Udunie: Well, damn, that is a plot and a half! :D

I seriously love this concept with the growing and all that shit *_*

There are some things that don’t sit well with me (as in i can’t stretch my suspension of disbelief further lol, but your mileage may vary)

I think... If all you needed was to weight omegas, you would start with taking the limbs off, right? + all the organs you don’t really need, but I feel like that would be more of a volume thing than a weight one. Taking out the lung might not be that good in that regard, cause that’s also the baby’s oxygen source, and you need a healthy baby to win. 

I love all the body mod/starvation aspects of this :D 

Also, I know that vegetable growing contests are a bit bonkers (and i have no idea how they get the results they do lol), but an asian elephant would probably be a stretch? They are smaller than african elephants, but they are sill about 200+ pounds (~100kg) at birth, and unless you somehow change all of the tissues Stiles has into rubber, I don’t know how that would come out without a Cesarean :D

I just spent the last... hour googling pregnancy stuff. Largest human baby was about 22 pounds (10kg - born to two ppl with gigantism, who met at a circus!) Longest human pregnancy was a bit over a year - apparently cause the baby was developing very sloooowly.

Anyway, I think even with ~omega magic~ and modifications you wouldn’t be able to give birth vaginally to something larger than 30-ish pounds??? (then again, depending on support and circumstance, you might be able to carry a larger pregnancy to term? So if you were suspended in fluid or something, you might be able to carry two 20 pound babies?)

But that would still be a comparatively giant baby!!! 

Also!!! just as a side! I would love it if there were different categories in the contest??? Like “largest baby” where the baby’s weight would be the factor “longest pregnancy” where owners would use different drugs to make the omegas carry into overtime and “largest litter” (with the condition that only babies over 2 pounds are taken into account) where owners would use all sorts of hyper-fertility treatments to get their omegas stuffed full of babies :D

And the crowning achievement of all - of course - would be to have an omega who won all three categories over the years???? (also!!! if this was an au where omegas have both an anal and a vaginal womb, the absolute highest achievement could be winning all categories with both wombs????)

Thanks for sending this in, nonnie! *hugs*

[aquaticalay]

Centurion .Chapter Six.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Sequel to For Something Greater

Summary: (Y/n) is an active duty Navy SEAL Commander, the first and only woman to ever become a SEAL. After successfully stopping a genocide with the help of the Avengers, she becomes a bridge between the military and the earth's mightiest heroes. But even as her relationship with Bucky grows, she decides not to tell him about the nightmares and trauma that haunt her. Both their secrets begin to unravel when Bucky accidentally stumbles upon a piece of dangerous information about (Y/n) that she doesn't know about herself— something she must never find out about.

Genre: Action, Drama, Romance

Warning/s for the series: cursing, violence, death, eventual smut, PTSD

Warning/s for the chapter: cursing, graphic-ish violence, blood, death, description of a panic attack

Word count: 2.5k

Note: The plot is heavily inspired by the song 'in the dark' by Bring Me The Horizon, and 'Mercy' by Muse. So yeah, go listen to it if you want to :)))  I'll post a new chapter every two days.

Let me know if you want to be in the taglist!

(Taglist will be reblogged)

THIS IS A SEQUEL TO 'FOR SOMETHING GREATER.' IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT, THE MASTERLIST IS IN MY BIO.

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS SERIES REVOLVES AROUND POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. (Including, but not limited to: anxiety/panic attacks, extreme mood swings , nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, irritability, hypervigilance, and hyperarousal)

That evening, when Bucky and Sam embarked on their small mission to New Jersey, you went through the files on the USB in the privacy of Bucky’s room. You locked the door and deactivated Friday in his quarters just to make sure no one finds out. At this point, you couldn’t risk being exposed, not a crime of this level. Not even to the Avengers, no matter how close they were to you.

You took a deep breath, hands shaking as you plugged the USB in. You managed to open the files you took from Fury’s computer. You skimmed the overall files, then went straight to his personal background.

His photo was blurry, a brown scan of an old worn out photo. It was recognizable, but it wouldn’t work for facial recognition. What you realized was then he had big eyes, and it was weirdly familiar. Where have you seen that before?

You read his short biodata, and one thing caught your eye. He was born in 1926, but the papers say he is alive as of 2017. 

How is that possible? Did Hydra give him an anti-aging serum? 

Michail Petrov’s files show that he didn’t seem like he was anything out of the ordinary, or at least not that different from other Hydra scientists. He went to renowned college and came out on top of his class, graduating with flying colors. A brilliant student, but something, or someone, lead him astray.

One of the few things intriguing about his profile is that he seemed morally grey, at least by your standards. According to the papers, his genetic engineering research had good intentions, a good heart with ruthless determination. Unforgiving pride. He wouldn’t let anyone stop his mission, whatever it maybe. To a degree, you saw yourself in him. 

If it was true, if he was still alive and you had to face him yourself, you knew you could fight pride with pride.

Like fighting fire with fire. An anger that rages within you knows that your deadliest sin is pride, and you cannot change it. It may be dormant now, but when the time comes, nothing can hold you back.

You were dangerous that way.

Your eyes glued to the screen, you read his goals.  He wanted to make a perfect world where people aged slower and lived longer, as well as leading countless research to make the human immune system better than it already is, making the human species ultimately resistant to diseases and delaying natural decay. It was almost unfathomable, impossible and ethically ambiguous science, but he found something that could theoretically work. It was brilliant, and to an extent, it had an equally noble purpose.

The way he did it, however, was bloody and murderous. He had, at the very least, a hundred people killed to try to achieve his goal, and in his papers, he had described them as ‘sacrifices for the greater good of mankind.’ 

He had most of his victims killed to study them, turn them inside out and reverse engineer them as if they were lifeless machines turning with cold gears instead of living cells. He did this in order to study everything that is unknown about humans, and from what your read, he did not care how he did it as long as he succeeded.

His ultimate goal was to create a new breed of supersoldiers that could integrate with the existing society, but he had failed. You did not blame him. It was too high a goal. However, from the same experiment, he managed to make fully-functional human beings using synthetic cells, grown in womb-like tubes. That remained his greatest achievement. 

And that was called Project Mercy.

As you delved further into the details of Project Mercy, you learned more. 

There were 21 living human beings that was the outcome of Project Mercy, which meant the floating, marble-white skinned girl that you found lifeless in Ukraine was the last of them.

Bucky was right. According to the files, almost all of them were dead. Most of them were euthanised when they developed some type of terminal illness, like cancer. Most of them were caused by their uncontrollably rapid mutation on a cellular level. Others were forcibly killed when they weren’t mentally sound, and you quote, 'impossible to control.'

Curiosity came over you, and before you knew it, you unknowingly came across a black and white security camera footage you wished you hadn’t clicked on.

It was a video of a young child strapped to a bed, a boy not much older that fourteen, in a cement-plastered room. If you were in there, you would have been claustrophobic. 

The boy was thrashing around, trying to escape his constricting leather confines. You noticed a scientist tinkering with surgical items in a stainless steel table. He had syringe in his hand. It was small, but the boy seemed to be was terrified of it. 

“Stay still, Mercy,” said the scientist calmly, only a slight russian accent on his otherwise american sounding voice. Stoic and emotionless. The boy did not answer. He let out a growl, primal and terrified. 

“Stay still, Mercy,” he repeated once again, this time in a sing-song voice, perhaps to comfort the boy, to lull him. The scientist smiled, and to your surprise, it seemed sincere.

The boy did not calm down. If anything, he only became more desperate to escape.

The scientist sighed sadly, “Just know that I did not want to do it the hard way.”

He hesitantly grabbed a surgical hammer, swinging it two times, three times, four times, to the boy’s skull until you swore you heard a deep crack in his skull, a drop of blood rolling down his forehead.The screams were fucking unbearable. You could hear the fear in his voice, laced with helplessness and horrific screeching. 

You wanted to look away, your body flinching and your eyes closing in instinct, but you can’t. If you wanted more information you had to see every waking second of it. You had to endure this to fully understand what Project Mercy was, or is.

So you forced your eyes open. 

Suddenly, his screaming stopped, and the boy limped.

He was unconscious, but still alive. His life support was still running. His heartbeat on the monitor was slowing, but not gone. 

The scientist dipped the needle of the syringe in his neck, pushing the white fluid in. “Goodbye, Mercy Three,” he said, a deep taint of regret in his voice, "You have served well, and I will make sure the world is thankful of your sacrifice," he stopped talking for a while, then leaned closer to the limp body. He whispered,  "I love you, my child."

 The boy flatlined, the pitch of the monitor ringing in your ears.

You gasped, hands in front of your mouth in shock. You let out a string of curses, hands buried in both your hands.

A wet tear streamed down your face. You could feel the boy's silence haunting you. You let out a sob, the cries you were unable to let outripping your heart apart, piece by piece.

What did you just watch?

In a twisted sense, you felt like you were watching a childhood story ruined. Like Geppeto putting an end to Pinochio's life because he had done too much damage.

The damage, however, was disturbingly unclear.

You whole body started shaking, and your esophagus felt like it was starting a gag reflex.

Focus, you thought to your time, breathing to calm yourself down. 

With quivering hands, you managed to paused the video, zooming into the scientist’s coat, at his name tag.

Michail Petrov.

You studied his facial features, which was clearer here than it was in the profile photo. He had fair skin, and a long, sharp nose. He had a symmetrical eyes, thin lips pressed into a line and a buzz trimmed hair. 

You didn’t know what you expected, but he looked normal. 

If you passed him in the streets of New York, you wouldn’t have looked twice or even bat an eyelash. 

That terrified you.

Your observation was disturbed by a sudden knock on the door. 

Surprised, you quickly changed the screen into a new tab. 

“(Y/n), I’m making soup. Would you like some?” Wanda called to you from the other side of the door.

“Sure,” you replied hastily, heart thumping. Your fingers were tense and trembling, still in shock.

“Okay,” Wanda replied, and from the sound of it, she did not suspect a thing. Thank god.

“I’ll let Friday know when I’m done,” she informed.

“Thank you,” You breathed, relief dripping out of your voice when you hear her walk away.

You reopened the tabs and braced yourself for more unexpected information. You started reading more.

Like Bucky said, you read that Mercy 1 and 2 were alive and last seen in 2014, but their profiles has been deleted. No photo or files or anything. You were in the dark, not a clue, at least for now. Knowing what you do now, you know the chances are Mercy 1 and 2 are alive and well are pretty good.

You looked into his lab in Kaunas, Lithuania, tracking down the exact location of his private laboratory. If there was any physical clue to where or who Mercy 1 and 2 two might be, it would be here, which means you had to go there.

You saved the coordinates, writing it down on a piece of paper just in case, so you won't lose it.

This was it. Your last chance at tracking down every last drop of Hydra.

You would let nothing get in your way. 

And you would make sure Petrov doesn't make it out alive.

From the other side of the room, your phone rang. You yelped in your seat just a little, before quickly grabbing the ringing device.

It was Diego Miller.

Shit, you thought to yourself. He had called you in Fury's apartment, why didn't you call him back? You could only hope he did not suspect a thing.

"Hello," you said through nervously gritted teeth.

"Commander," he said, "You're okay! I was worried when I saw the news— I, you did not answer your phone this morning."

"Yeah I… had things to do," you explained yourself, "what's going on? What happened this morning?"

"I was just checking if you got to New York safe," he told you, "you usually tell the team where you are. And you did not, so we were worried. Especially with what's on the breaking news"

"Oh," you let out a breath that you did not realize you were holding. Your breath hitched again when you processed what else he was saying. "Wait. What's in the news?"

"You haven't heard? It's breaking on all channels right now. It has been for the past one or two minutes." He sounded disturbingly surprised you didn't know.

Sensing the worry in his voice, you turned the TV on.

The screen greeted you with big bold letters on the foreground of an eerily familiar apartment block that was completely engulfed in flames— Nick Fury's.

"SAM WILSON REPORTED MISSING IN CIVILIAN MISSILE STRIKE, 24 REPORTED DEAD." The headline read.

"Shit," you cursed, "I— I gotta go."

Miller did not say anything, understanding how you must've felt.

Hands shaking  you hung up and tried to call Bucky. 

A million of negative scenarios ran through your head. Sam was missing, but Bucky's name was nowhere in the headline.

Suddenly, a series of loud knocks were heard on your door. "(Y/n)!" you recognized Clint's distressed voice, "You need to see this!"

You wanted to shout to Clint that you know what was going on, but the words were held back by an invisible force in your throat.

When you didn't respond, Clint started banging the door, "Are you in there?" He asked urgently, "Are you okay?"

You wanted to answer, you really did. But you can't.

Your focus was on your phone, trying to get hold of his number, but your hands were trembling so much that your phone fell to the ground.

You choked on your tears, trying to hold back your increasingly loud beating heart.

You kneeled down, trying to reach for your phone.

You felt the panic begin like a cluster of fireworks in your stomach. Tension began growing in your face and limbs.

The loud banging of the door and the chaotic bustle of the breaking news on the TV suddenly became deafening, too much for you to handle. 

Your legs failed you, and you fell to the ground, curling your body. "No," you whispered, "No, please."

You thoughts were speeding in your head, unrecognizable nightmarish memories clouding your head. Oliver Jones' and Ian Lawson's untimely deaths  the violence that you faced in King-Carver's ship. The hurt, the pain.

The thought of losing Bucky.

It was too much.

You breath came in gasps, feeling that you will black out. The room spun like a hurricane.

"I'm coming in, alright?" Clint asked, and you heard him at the back of your mind.

He easily bypassed the door, overriding Friday's security protocols via the emergency setting.

He came closer to you, worried when he saw you writhing on the floor, holding to a bedpost for dear life.

"It's me," Clint tried to calm you down, "It's Clint. Calm down."

Your voice slowed, but not by much. You managed to sit up.

"W-what— Sam and— and Bucky! They—" You gasped out.

"Yeah—" Clint started to say, but he was cut off by the ring of your phone.

You glanced at it, trying to read it and it was— Bucky!

Breathing an overwhelming sigh of relief, you scrambled for the phone.

"(Y/n)?" You hear him call from the other end of the line. Hearing the slight voice of the former winter soldier, Clint's shoulder released all his tension.

"Oh, god," you choked out, "You're okay!"

"A few bruises only," he reported to you, coughing microscopic degree out of his lungs. "I'm with firefighters right now."

"Sam? What about Sam?" Clint asked, and Bucky heard his voice in the background.

You set your phone on loudspeaker.

"He was taken," Bucky announced, frustration in his voice, "After the missile attack, I saw someone take him through the smoke. They were gone before I could get there."

He blamed himself for his best friend's disappearance, you could tell.

"Do you have any idea who did this? Who took Sam? Who ordered the missile attack?" Clint demanded.

After a heartbeat, Bucky answered, "no." 

He was lying. You know by his voice. Whenever he was lying, the edge of his voice drops a few notes lower. Barely noticeable, but you know. Clint, however, believed the lie. He sighed, shutting his eyes for some relief.

Bucky knows that it must be Michail Petrov, and you did too. Who else would it be?

Maybe he had a software to track where his profile was opened. 

But then why did it take so long for the missile to arrive?

A million questions swirled inside your head.

You had to find out why. You had to find Sam.

You convinced yourself that this mess was all because of you.

~