#and it’s because it would be in reference to either how I’m high nearly all the time or for those who were stoned by the puritans

[bioswear]

Anyway so I’m making an Addams family custom jacket/vest with detachable pinstripe sleeves

This is designed to be worn exclusively with a long sleeve button down and tie, black/white duo chrome with an accent of red (depending on occasion)

I have some mirrored rose appliqué patches coming for the back (bc weird but Sophisticated/dark academia vibes)

Patches and pins sourced from:

Gomez & Morticia Pins - amandabaldwinart (Etsy)

Hellish Crusade pin - HellishCrusade (Etsy)

Wednesday Buttons - AKProjectUnicorn

Nevermore patch - KristysKreationsUK

Addams Family Crest backpatch - Oakthorn Studios

Addams Family Patch (Custom) - HungryBearDesigns

[cobaltperun]

I haveth a request ☝️

could you write Cairo x g!p fem reader smut.

Maybe a childhood best friends type situation like Genius, but they stayed friends all throughout middle school and high school and they catch feelings for each other somewhere in between middle school and beginning of high school. They constantly sneak longing stares at each other and unknowingly make each other jealous until the tension is unbearable and one day when Cairo, Winnie, and reader are hanging out they started telling hookup stories but Cairo is still a virgin so she just sits there quietly listening and after Winnie goes home things happen.

No Chance

Cairo Sweet x Female (GP!) Reader (Request) (Smut, minors do not interact)

Masterlist

A/N: Feast! On the worst thing I have written thus far! I'm sorry Anon, this just didn't work for me. I wrote it, I kinda made what you asked for, but it didn't quite inspire me and I don't feel like leaving it for later would have made it flow any better.

Word count: 3.1k

You can’t love her like that. She’s your best friend.

Those were the words you kept saying to yourself for over four years now. Yet that love kept getting stronger as time passed. And every single time you thought that maybe, just maybe you could get over her you would just see her with someone, and it wouldn’t even have to be more than just sharing a laugh with some random guy, and you’d get reminded of how strong your feelings for her were.

Those feelings didn’t matter though. She was your best friend, and she didn’t love you back.

~X~

For how long was she going to torture herself like this? She loved you, she longed for you, yet her feelings always felt unrequited. True, Cairo has never been the most direct with her feelings toward you, fearing she would ruin the friendship that lasted since she was four years old. But there was no way you missed all of her longing glances. All the times she watched you so love-struck Winnie would tease her about it when it was just the two of them.

You were her protective best friend and you acted as one, though Winnie often referred to it as jealousy. Winnie didn’t know anything. You were like that even when the two of you were kids, protective and kind. It didn’t mean anything more, as she used to hope.

Not since you…

She couldn’t get angry, you just chose some other girl and that was it, and ever since then she lost hope of ever being with you. If it really didn’t mean anything to you to lose your virginity like that, why didn’t you just come to Cairo?

If it meant nothing to you, maybe in the end it would mean nothing to Cairo as well. As it was, she wasn’t even an option for you.

~X~

You and Winnie came over to hang out at Cairo’s place, since it was the most convenient location. Perks of her parents never being around, you guessed. Though you knew Cairo would gladly trade that perk for loving parents.

It started out as a regular night, you and Cairo leaning against the headboard of her bed, while Winnie sat at the foot of it. Being this close to Cairo wasn’t anything new, but you couldn’t help but feel the tension, something unspoken between the two of you ever since you told her about the girl you slept with. Either way, the three of you were playing cards until Winnie decided to speak up.

“Oh, yeah, did you ever go out with that girl you fucked?” she asked while you were in the middle of drinking the juice.

And, naturally, you nearly choked on it, because who the fuck opens the conversation with that?!

“Easy, lover girl,” Cairo was patting your back a bit too harshly, but it was getting the job done, and nearly choking made you miss the passive aggression dripping from her tone.

“Thanks,” you wheezed, finally sure that you would survive. “I’m okay now,” you glared at Winnie who just shrugged, though she did have an apologetic smile on her face.

“So, the what’s-her-name girl,” she reminded you as Cairo leaned back on her bed, though she made some extra distance between the two of you.

You rolled your eyes. “It was a one-night stand, we had a fun time and I left her house after we were done, I didn’t even sleep over,” you shrugged, giving up the minimal information because you knew Winnie wouldn’t let it go now that she remembered it.

Winnie stared at you blankly. “That’s a boring story for your first time,” she complained.

“Better boring than bad,” you figured reminding Winnie of her own first experience, which, well, didn’t end that spectacularly.

“Still,” Winnie let the gravity do its’ job as she leaned to the side and fell onto the bed. “I thought you’d wait for someone you love,” she pointed out.

You looked away, not wanting to look at Cairo at the moment.

“Y/N?” Cairo noticed your silence, forcing you to turn back and grin.

“There’s no point. I don’t have a chance with her, so, you know, no point in waiting,” you’ve given up on Cairo ever returning your feelings, so it really didn’t matter who you lost your virginity to. Not the most mature approach, but you were only eighteen, it was difficult to expect a mature approach from someone your age.

You could see Winnie about to tease you, but you glanced at her, shaking your head lightly and it luckily sent the message across, stopping her from saying anything else.

Eventually, it was just you and Cairo, as Winnie had to go finish some art project and for once Cairo figured she wanted to watch a movie.

“So, it’s nothing to you, having sex?” she asked you out of blue as the slow opening scene began playing on the TV, and you looked at her, frankly, confused by the tone of her voice. She sounded jealous and if she truly was jealous, you wished she showed you that earlier.

“I guess,” you fell back so you were lying next to her instead of sitting, though you could still see her face, and just looked at the ceiling. It’s not that it was nothing to you, you just, as you said to her and Winnie before, didn’t think you had a chance with ‘the one you loved’ that one being Cairo. So, you went and lost your virginity, it was mutual understanding that it was a one-night stand, and that was it.

“So, you wouldn’t mind taking someone’s virginity?” she asked, leaning back but not quite lying down and trailed her fingers across your arm.

Blood rushed to your face at the look in her eyes. You had to be misunderstanding this somehow, right? Surely, she didn’t mean her virginity?! “Yours?” you squeaked, which only made you feel even more embarrassed.

Cairo nodded, blushing furiously. “I don’t really want to lose it to just anyone, and you’re,” she paused, looking down as her hand slipped from your arm and onto the bed. “My best friend,” she refused to look at you.

You swallowed hard, fuck, she was serious. You touched her chin and gently tilted it up. “Are you sure?” you asked her and she just nodded, her eyes finally meeting your own.

“Let me take you out on a date first, give you the whole experience,” you suggested. “Tomorrow after school, we grab a nice dinner, and then if you’re still sure this is what you want, we’ll do it,” you still expected her to tell you it was a prank, but she just nodded, and though it was awkward and both of you stole occasional glances at each other you managed to get through the movie.

~X~

You took Cairo out, as you promised. After school you showed up at her house with a bouquet of red roses, properly dressed up for the date and forcing yourself not to look at her too much, as she was dressed in a beautiful, kinda short, black dress with open back.

“You look amazing,” you said smiling slightly as you handed her the flowers.

“Thanks,” she brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and the two of you went out. You took her to the local restaurant, then to a bookstore, then for a brief walk before you finally went back to her place, and you could feel both of you being on the edge at the moment.

“If you change your mind we can stop at any time, it doesn’t matter if it’s now or if I’m hard, or if I’m even inside you. You say stop, we stop,” you assured her as she led you by your hand to her bedroom.

Cairo nodded and kissed your cheek. “You as well, I don’t want to pressure you into anything,” she told you as she sat down on her bed.

“Thanks,” you sat down to her right and leaned over, kissing her neck and her breath hitched. “Is this okay?”

“Mhm,” she closed her eyes and leaned back, exposing her neck to you. She moved her hands up and the tips of her fingers lightly massaged your cheek and jaw while her left hand slipped to the back of your head, her fingers running through your hair and massaging your scalp. “Oh,” she hummed when you found a more sensitive spot and sucked on it, surely leaving a hickey right there.

“Damn, you’re beautiful,” you whispered, your lips gliding over her skin until you reached her ear and gently nibbled on her earlobe. From the corner of your eyes, you saw Cairo squeezing her thighs, you saw her breasts rising and falling as her breathing became deeper.

You were going slow, making sure she felt every sensation as you slid your hand down her side, to her thigh, and you squeezed lightly before pushing her thighs apart and slipping a hand under her dress. You felt her tensing and relaxing as you caressed her bare stomach and sides, just playfully teasing her by occasionally pulling at the strap of her bra.

“Y/N,” she sighed, and you drank it all in, every small sigh, every tiny whimper or moan, every sound you made her make. You took it all in, not for a moment pausing when it came to kissing her neck.

“How are you feeling?” you asked her.

Did you really have to ask her? The only thing that would have made this even better would be if you kissed her on the lips, but it felt like you weren’t going to do that. Even without that she felt so damn good, your warm soft lips on her neck, your wet tongue, dragging over her sensitive neck, your hand under her dress, teasing her everywhere you could reach. She felt aroused, she felt the wetness soaking her panties and that was the only uncomfortable feeling she had. She needed to get them off, to feel your fingers down there instead. “It feels good, I need more though,” she gasped as you bit her neck. How long have you been paying attention to her neck? It was sensitive to begin with, but now it felt like every little touch was going straight to her puss. “Please, Y/N,” she moaned and leaned back, falling onto the bed and pulling you along with her.

“Are you getting wet, hm, Baby?” you rasped, and she gasped, her fingers digging into the back of your head as her left hand slipped down your throat, her nails undoubtedly leaving red stripes down your skin

“Yes! Please touch me,” she whimpered arching her back when you cupped her breast through her bra. You were building up her anticipation and she wondered why she ever waited to do this. Why did she never asked you to take her virginity before. “Can I kiss you?” she pleaded as she made you look her in the eyes.

“Cairo, that’s…” you paused, losing your momentum. As crazy as it might sound, you felt like kissing her would make this too real, that it would be one detail that makes all your feelings come out. That feeling her lips against yours would, more than anything, make you give into your feelings and ruin the friendship that was already hanging by the thread.

“Please,” she was breathing heavily, turned on, yet you saw something else in her eyes, something that couldn’t be true.

“I,” you tried to resist her, to not cross that line, but how many times did you imagine kissing her? You feared you’d regret either choice. In the end you nodded, and her lips pressed softly against yours, her hand gripping the fabric of your shirt as she pressed against you. And instead of fondling her breast you lowered your hand to her waist and hugged her.

Cairo moaned into the kiss, feeling like someone was setting off fireworks in her head. You let her kiss you, and she would be damned if she didn’t kiss you as many times as she would be allowed to tonight. If this was the one and only time the two of you would be intimate like this, she wanted all of it.

You separated from air, and you leaned your forehead against hers. “I’m sorry,” your apology made her heart sink. “I love you. You’re the one I have no chance wi-“ she cut you off with another kiss, her tongue danced with your own and she made you switch positions to get on top of you. “Fuck, Cairo,” you hissed as she threw her dress off and lifted your shirt up.

“You,” she was feral, kissing your neck, grinding against you, her hands roaming your body as if she had to map out every bit of your skin in her mind. “Dumbass!”

You just blinked, eyes wide and mouth open as you watched her, unable to come up with a response.

“Don’t have a chance with me?! I’ve loved you for years you idiot!” she yelled, her voice cracking as she pulled back and just looked at you. “I love you,” she whispered, kissing you deeply and it all made sense now, her reactions, her glances, and you cursed yourself for being too blind to see that all along your feelings were reciprocated. “I love you,” she said again when she paused kissing you. “Now, let’s finish what we started,” she whispered, her lips ghosting over yours and you lost it a bit when she took her underwear off and helped you strip as well. You were already hard, but you wanted to prepare her more, to make her cum, or at least bring her close first.

“Yes, Ma’am,” you teased and slipped a finger between her folds, she was wet enough for your finger to just slip in.

“Fuck,” she whispered at the feeling of your finger pushing into her and she wondered how your cock would feel as she experimentally rocked her hips back and forth, causing her clit to rub against your palm.

“That’s it, Baby, ride it,” you gently pushed another finger inside her after you were sure she was wet and stretched enough, and it took a bit to adjust, but the pleasure more than made up for it. Cairo leaned down, pulling your head to her breasts and moaning. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands, she gripped your shoulder, and the back of your head as you kissed her breasts and occasionally sucked her nipples. She felt good before, but now that she knew you loved her, now that you were no longer having sex as best friends, but as two people that loved one another, every touch felt more intense.

You held her hip with your free hand, your fingers occasionally slipping down to her ass as you guided her movement. “Wait,” she cried out. She was close, she was so close, but she wanted to have an orgasm with your cock inside her, and just like you promised you would you stopped completely, pulling your fingers out of her and completely halting everything you were doing. “I want your cock inside me,” she assured you before you could start worrying.

You nodded, flipping the two of you around once more. “It’ll be easier like this,” you told her as you brushed some of her bangs from her eyes and kissed her softly. You pulled a condom out of the pocket of your pants and opened it. “Just give me a moment,” you whispered in her ear, putting the condom on and just to make it as easy as it possibly could be, lubed it up.

Cairo moaned as you slowly pushed the head of your cock inside her while rubbing her clit. “I’ve got you, just relax,” you hugged her with your other arm and peppered her neck and shoulders with butterfly kisses as you pushed further inside.

“I know,” she hugged you back, pulled you closer to her and took several deep breaths as you pushed the last inch into her. “You got me,” she whispered, throwing her head back and taking a moment to adjust.

“Does it hurt?” you asked as you left kisses from her shoulder all the way to her lips.

“No, I just feel so full, just give me a moment,” she pulled you in for a kiss, her tongue slipping inside your mouth as she slowly pulled her hips back a bit and then pushed back against you. “Feels so good,” she moaned, encouraging you to slowly start moving as well.

She was tight, and her pussy was clenching around you so hard you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long, and you didn’t want to resort to thinking about anything else to stop yourself from cumming. Not when you were finally with Cairo. “I don’t think I’ll last long,” you told her as much.

“Me neither!” she cried out, her face twisting into an expression of pleasure as you gradually picked up the pace. “Just a bit more, Baby,” she encouraged you and you rubbed her clit harder, intent on making her cum first. Your efforts paid off as her back arched and she gasped, cumming with a near silent cry and pushing you over the edge as well.

You pulled out, shaky and out of breath, but satisfied as you kissed Cairo once more. “You have no idea how much I am going to kiss you from now on,” you chuckled, unable to get enough of her lips.

“Mhm, you better do some other things as well,” she pecked you on the lips, a bit too tired to do anything else.

You nodded, taking a deep breath and feeling your body relaxing as you helped Cairo calm down as well. “I’m going to go and get a bath ready for you,” you whispered, but just as you were about to pull away she reached up and grabbed your hand.

“For us,” she said with a smile on her face and you nodded.

“Right, for us,” you leaned down, kissing her softly once more before you headed to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and get a bath ready for you and Cairo.

[marvelmusing]

In Another Life

Part Eight

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Alternate Universe!Reader

Summary: The Winter Fete goes smoothly, a perfect evening followed by a foiled assassination. A few days later, you and Aleksander journey into the Fold.

Warnings: canon level violence, minor character death (not graphic).

My Masterlist • Series Masterlist • Next Part

Music and conversation fills the ballroom of the Little Palace, as noble men and women mingle amongst the Grisha, all decked out in their finery for the Winter Fete.

The people are still buzzing with excitement after Alina’s performance. The power of the stag has given her a new burst of confidence, and you’re glad to see her step into her power.

Aleksander appears behind you, his head tilted down to speak directly into your ear.

“The matter has been dealt with.”

When you had warned Aleksander of an assassination attempt on Alina within the walls of the Little Palace, you know he had been upset. The thought of any of his Grisha not being safe here must be distressing for him. As a result, you had left the issue with Aleksander.

You nod, raising your drink to your lips as you murmur your response.

“Genya and Marie?”

“Both safe and unharmed.”

“Alina?”

“With Fedoyr. He will not leave her side unless she is with either of us.”

“And the perpetrator?”

At one point, you might have thought all your questions would annoy Aleksander, but now you know that he would never look down at you for being prepared.

“In custody. I will see to him later this evening.”

“I’ll join you.” His lips part, as if he’s about to protest. “Please. I want to know if I’m right about his motive.”

Aleksander nods slowly, though you can see the reluctance in his eyes. You wouldn’t be in any danger, but perhaps he doesn’t want you to see him while he interrogates someone. As if that would ever drive you away.

“You look incredible, might I add.” He says in a low voice that has a shiver running down your spine.

Warmth spreads over your cheeks, and you look down at your outfit. You and Genya had collaborated on the design, and you are very pleased with the result. The material is wonderful, and it fits you perfectly.

“I see you’ve brought your summer colours out early for occasion. A bold move.” You tease, referring to his black kefta. The same kefta that he wears every day. He narrows his eyes at you, and you take another drink.

“Your fiancé is approaching.” You nearly choke on your drink in alarm.

“What? Why?”

Once your gaze lands on Vasily, you see that he is indeed heading in your direction, and you turn to Aleksander with wide eyes. The corner of his mouth quirks in amusement as he answers.

“I believe he wants to dance with you.”

You place your glass down on a nearby tray, and begin to fidget with the chunky emerald ring on your finger.

“Oh no.”

Genya had helped to teach you the basics of all the dances that would be held at the Fete, but you’re far from confident. Certainly not confident enough to dance with a Prince - let alone the Crown Prince that you’re engaged to.

“Your Highness.” Aleksander greets him with a bow, and you do the same. Vasily smiles politely at you both.

“Might I steal your assistant from you, General Kirigan?”

“I’m off duty tonight.” You remark, and Aleksander sends a look at you, no doubt reminding you to pretend that you’re enjoying your engagement.

“Then I am most lucky.” Vasily says with a smile that looks incredibly forced. You mirror his smile, and decide to show Aleksander exactly how good you are at pretending.

“I believe I’m the lucky one, Your Highness.” He inclines his head.

“Vasily, please.” He insists. “Would you care to join me for the next dance?”

First name basis already. You are engaged after all, but the two of you have only exchanged a handful of conversations over the last month, which has been quite a relief.

You have the distinct impression that he’s only asking you to dance because of his mother’s insistences. Looking down for a brief moment, you smile and offer him your hand.

“I would love to dance with you, Vasily.”

He takes your hand, leading you through the crowd, and you cast one final look at Aleksander before he disappears from your view.

Vasily leads the dance, and you misstep on a number of occasions, your face burning with embarrassment every time. The conversation isn’t too awkward, despite several pauses as you go through the motions of the dance.

He asks you a few questions about yourself, and your answers don’t require too much thought. Remembering his interest in horse racing, you decide to mention the subject. For the first time, his face lights up, and he explains about his most recent purchase.

You know very little of horses, only what Aleksander has taught you, but you try to follow his explanations as best as possible.

Once you finally get into the flow of it, you think you could enjoy dancing. Only as soon as you start to think that, the music draws to a close.

When you step off the dance floor, the two of you linger beside one another for a long moment. You wonder whether he wants you to stay by his side now. Then someone calls out his name, and he turns in their direction.

Looking back at you for a brief moment, he gestures towards them.

“Please excuse me.” He says. You nod, bowing your head politely.

“Thank you for the dance.”

A slightly apologetic smile tugs at your lips as you remember the small wince on his face when you had accidentally kicked his shin. He takes your hand in his own.

“Have a wonderful evening.” He tells you, rather distractedly, pressing a chaste kiss to your knuckles. Then he steps away, melting back into the crowd.

The eyes on you soon find something more interesting to look at, though you still feel the weight of them as you weave through the crowd back to Aleksander.

He smiles softly when he sees you, finishing the last of whatever drink he had secured while you were away.

“How was it?” He asks, and you breathe out a small laugh.

“I’m sure Zoya found it very funny. She’s usually the one I’m tripping over during combat practice.” He frowns slightly as he places his empty glass down.

“Fedoyr told me you were doing well.” Now it’s your turn to frown.

“He must have been exaggerating.”

“Very well then.” He holds his hand out to you, and your brows lift in questioning. “Show me these atrocious skills of yours.”

With a small sigh, you take his hand in yours. There’s no arguing with Aleksander, though if you weren’t in public you might have tried to. But he has a reputation to maintain, and people would question your relationship if you openly defied him in such a manner.

“I can understand why you might have some difficulty dancing with His Royal Highness.” Aleksander muses quietly as he leads you through the crowd.

“Because I’m a poor dancer?” He shakes his head.

“On the contrary.”

Raising a brow at him, you wait for him to elaborate as you take your position on the dance floor. Nerves fill you once again, at the thought of making a fool of yourself two dances in a row.

Aleksander’s hand settles on your waist, pulling you flush against his chest, and you look down quickly to check your feet. He hooks a finger under your chin, raising your eyes to meet his, and the pad of his thumb grazes delicately over your cheekbone. His next words are a low murmur that sends a thrill through you.

“You need to trust your partner.”

Then the music begins.

Aleksander leads, and every step you take is synchronised with his own. Not once do you tread on his toes as you spin around the ballroom in his arms.

With every turn and dip, you find yourself unable to look away from him, or to fight the smile growing on your face as the music sweeps you up.

“Is the Fete living up to your expectations?” He asks you. Your smile widens and you nod.

“It’s more than I ever dreamed of.”

Something softens in his eyes as he spins you around fully. You’re glad Aleksander had asked you to plan the Fete. It had been nice to think about more trivial things, like having the chandeliers polished or commissioning an ice sculpture, rather than tracking down a mythical creature or fighting a war.

There’s a moment of silence, before you decide to bring up what’s been lingering in the back of your mind all day. This is the first time you and Aleksander have truly had the chance to speak with one another today.

“Are you certain Baghra won’t try anything tonight?” Aleksander’s brows crease together for a moment.

“She shouldn’t. But I have my men keeping an eye on her, as a precaution.” You nod.

“I meant to ask you about it before, but with all the preparations going on, it slipped my mind.” He nods in understanding, and you smile almost sheepishly as you add, “I may have created my own contingency plan, just in case.”

The corner of his mouth quirks with the edge of a smirk.

“I’m hardly surprised to hear such a thing.” He spins you, pressing your back flush against his chest for the next few steps. His lips graze your ear as he asks, “What is it?”

Turning your head, your gaze settles on his lips before they drift up to his eyes, and you remember that he had asked you a question.

“Alina will be spending the night with Nadia and Marie. A Winter Fete sleepover. That way Baghra won’t be able to find her, or get her alone, and Alina remains unaware.”

“An excellent idea.” He praises, and your cheeks flush as he spins you back around to face him.

“Thank you.”

There’s a small smile on his lips as he observes your reaction.

“I believe I should also be thanking you.” At that, your brows draw together in a small frown.

“What for?”

“Tonight. You’ve made everything… quite perfect.”

A comfortable warmth settles in your chest, like the glow of the summer sun over your skin, and you watch his expression carefully as you speak your next words.

“I know you don’t particularly enjoy the Fete.” His lips part, as if he’s about to make some sort of excuse. “I can understand why. Grisha are people, not party tricks. You shouldn’t have to prove your value to anyone.”

There’s a moment of silence between you both, where the sounds of the ballroom fill the lack of conversation. Aleksander’s eyes move away from yours as he assures you in a small voice,

“I can’t tell you what that means to me.”

Once his eyes meet yours again, you see the emotion in them, and you’re surprised you don’t stumble over your feet. A soft smile touches your lips, as you respond in an equally low tone.

“I already know.”

Aleksander smiles.

“Of course you do.”

»»---------------------►

Zoya leads you and Aleksander down the rough stone stairs, your footsteps echoing.

“Has he talked?” Aleksander asks her.

“A lot of lies. Ivan’s with him.”

The iron gate swings open with a screech, and you follow the two of them down into the catacombs underneath the Little Palace.

Stone walls encase you, the small space illuminated by a plentiful number of torches, flickering their amber light over the shadows.

Ivan stands straight with his hands folded together, and beside him a man sits tied to a chair. The man has a shimmer of sweat glossing over his features, some bruises already forming on the side of his face, and his clothes are crumpled, evidently from a struggle.

“I’ve been swindled. Hoodwinked.” The man says, his wide eyes looking at each of you as you approach him.

“My guards tell me that they caught you at the scene of an attempted crime.” Aleksander states calmly, his hands resting unclasped on either side of him.

The man opens his mouth, gaping for a moment, his eyes frantic.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He shakes his head, stumbling over his words. “I’m an entertainer. Oskar. Oskar Krepkov.”

Aleksander raises a brow at you.

“My assistant here organised every aspect of the Winter Fete. Including the entertainers. Does Mr Krepkov’s name ring a bell?”

Keeping your eyes on the man in front of you, a crease of feigned concentration crosses your face before you respond casually.

“Funnily enough, it doesn’t.”

“How peculiar.” He muses, walking slowly towards the bound man.

Grasping hard onto his forearm, Aleksander pushes the man’s sleeve up to reveal a series of black tally marks tattooed onto his inner arm. Each mark represents a successful trip across the Fold. There’s a startling number of them.

“Well that certainly is entertaining.” Aleksander says, his fingers pressing hard into the man’s skin. “You are the Conductor, Arken Visser, are you not?”

Visser swallows hard, trembling under Aleksander’s gaze. Once Aleksander releases him, he steps away, his jaw tense and his eyes dark with anger.

“You smuggle Grisha out of my palace.” Aleksander snarls furiously.

His frustration is tangible in the air, prickling over your skin. When Visser looks hopefully back at you, whimpering a quiet plea, your resentment rises to the surface and you snap.

“You profit off frightened children and desperate families. Don’t look to me for sympathy.”

If Aleksander is surprised by your outburst, he doesn’t show it.

“Would you like to hear my theory?” You ask lightly, but don’t wait for a response before you continue. “I think, a certain West Ravkan General has ambitions to rule his own country. To do so, the Fold would need to remain intact, which is where you come in, Mr Visser.”

The facade of frightened innocence slowly falls from his face with every word of your accusation. When you finish, Aleksander continues, circling Visser with a dangerous look in his eyes.

“You made a deal with him.” As Aleksander passes Ivan, the heartrender wisely moves out of the way. “You put on a disguise. And you played at being assassin.”

Visser straightens, staring back at you both with a resolute expression as Aleksander returns to his place beside you.

“That’s right.” He says. “Zlatan offered me a million to kill the sun summoner. So, give me half that. I can get close to Zlatan.”

Aleksander turns his head aside, and Zoya unfolds her arms, turning to leave. Ivan pauses for a moment, before he follows her.

For a moment, Aleksander’s eyes meet yours, a mixture of questioning and acceptance lingering there. He’s expecting you to turn away. You remain at his side. As their footsteps recede, Aleksander says quietly,

“No. I think I’ll handle that myself.”

With that, he steps back, turning on his heel, and you do the same. Aleksander brings his hand up, curling his fingers lightly as he calls forth the shadows.

“But I can help.” Visser calls out as the two of you walk away. “Tell me how I can help.”

Aleksander pulls his hands together, cupping his fist for a moment before he releases his right hand. With two fingers pointing upwards, he flicks them back in a tossing motion as he remarks in a low voice.

“You already have.”

Even without looking, you can sense the shadows swarming from the depths of the catacombs, creeping towards Visser. You hear him struggling to break free, panic in his movements, as the shadows lengthen around him.

Aleksander holds the door open for you, as Visser chokes out his final breath in the shadows.

»»---------------------►

“You should rest.” Aleksander insists from where he’s sitting at the head of the makeshift bed in his tent. “We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

You shake your head, continuing to pace beside the foot of the bed. Tomorrow, you journey into the Fold. Hopefully, Alina will be able to fend off any volcra that come for you, but you’re still worried.

“Too much to think about.” You argue, but you still decide to lie down on the bed beside him regardless. Together you stare up at the ceiling for a long moment.

“Are you certain our plan for Zlatan will work?” He asks you. Mulling it over in your mind once again, you nod.

“If he’s coward enough to not risk crossing the Fold himself, a scare tactic like this will be enough to startle him and his followers. It’ll give us a time advantage to gain the upper hand. A show of strength, with limited casualties.”

Aleksander nods along with your reasoning, but you can’t suppress a small sigh as you run a hand over your face.

“I just hope I’m right.”

That isn’t the only thing weighing on your mind, and Aleksander seems to know this. His thumb rubs a slow circle against your bare forearm, that you’ve cast up over your head.

“Are you afraid of the Fold?” He asks softly.

There’s a pause before you admit,

“A little.”

He breathes out a small laugh.

“You don’t have to say only a little to spare my feelings.”

“Are you afraid of it?”

He goes silent at your question, but his thumb doesn’t stop its comforting motion. You wait patiently for whatever response he is considering.

“Did I ever tell Alina about Luda?”

There’s a softness in his voice, making his words feel fragile, and you study his face as you shake your head.

“She was a healer. The only healer we had at the time. There were less than twenty of us, in hiding, together.”

“When was this?” You ask in a near whisper.

“During Anastas’ rule.”

He nods grimly when he sees your expression sadden knowingly. Anastas was the King who placed a bounty on Aleksander’s head, dubbing him the Black Heretic, which eventually led to the creation of the Fold.

“She opened up a clinic, it was only a small cottage in the woods, but she wanted to help people.”

Looking up at Aleksander, you can see how distant his gaze is, lost in his memories.

“Ravka was growing worse for Grisha, day by day. I begged her to join us in hiding and she agreed, albeit reluctantly.”

His eyes darken, and you know the story is about to take a painful turn.

“The King’s guards found us before we could leave. Together, we tried to hold them off but Luda was wounded.” His jaw tenses. “I killed them all. But I couldn’t save her.”

Turning your body over to lie on your stomach and face Aleksander, you take his hand in your own. There’s a small smile on the edge of his lips, but he looks down sadly.

“She died because of me.”

You shake your head, and immediately try to comfort him.

“All you did was try to protect her.”

“And I failed.” There’s a sharpness in his eyes as he lifts his gaze up to meet yours. “I couldn’t stand it any longer. Watching my people die. Seeing them frightened and helpless. My grandfather thought merzost could be used to control people.”

The mention of merzost has your stomach plummeting. You hope that Aleksander will never have to resort to such measures again.

A different version of Aleksander, scarred and pale, exhausted by the creation of shadow monsters, fills your mind. An Aleksander you hope you will never see.

“I faced the King’s army alone, buying the few Grisha left enough time to get away. I tried to bend his army to my will.”

“Instead you created the volcra.” You say in a low voice. “Merzost always comes with a price.”

He nods slowly.

“My price was the Fold. Though I’m not the one who continues to pay for it.”

You can’t imagine how he must feel. Accidentally creating a blight that scars your country for centuries, claiming hundreds of lives. How heavily those losses must weigh on Aleksander’s shoulders.

“Alina never finds out how the Fold was created.” You tell him quietly, your thumb tracing over his knuckles delicately. Aleksander’s eyes are on you, as you watch the movement of your digit. “I think she just believes what Baghra tells her. That you created it in a mad ploy for power.”

“Did you ever believe that?” You shake your head.

“I always thought there was some sort of explanation for it.” Your eyes lift up to meet his. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

“Thank you for staying to hear it.”

Neither of you speak after that, simply lying beside one another until you both fall asleep.

»»---------------------►

The next morning is bright and cold, despite the first signs of spring arriving. Pulling your cloak tighter around your body, you follow Aleksander and Alina as they walk through the camp at Kribirsk.

All around you, First Army soldiers stop and stare. Some kiss their saint tokens, while others pray openly for your safe passage. You don’t believe in the saints, but a small part of you hopes that prayers still carry some weight.

The rest of the passengers have already boarded the skiff, so the moment you set foot onto the deck, the final preparations are made. Alina stands at the head of the bow, staring the Fold head on with Mal at her side.

“Are you ready?” Aleksander asks you, coming to a stop at your side.

“I think so.”

He turns his head, looking up at Zoya. With a simple nod, he orders her to move the skiff. A breeze ruffles your hair as she calls forth the wind to fill the sails. The skiff moves forward, plowing resolutely towards the Fold.

No turning back now.

The darkness engulfs your vision, and without thinking you reach blindly for Aleksander. Even in the pitch black, you find him. His hand is warm, and he provides you with a comforting squeeze as his fingers curl tightly around yours.

Your eyes adjust slowly to the darkness, and the light of the blue lantern at the centre of the skiff provides you with some assistance.

As each second passes by, you grow more and more nervous. Alina’s hands remain at her sides, and the volcra cry out in the distance. Sickening screeches, that you’ve only ever heard in your nightmares.

“What are we waiting for?” You ask in a whisper.

Aleksander turns his head to look at the ambassadors and dignitaries assembled behind you. They shift nervously, looking around for any sign of movement lurking in the darkness.

“Building the anticipation.”

“As well as my stress levels.” You mutter, and Aleksander dips his head down to respond with amusement in his voice.

“Don’t worry, Ivan will keep an eye on your heart.”

How can he be joking at a time like this? Then he nods at Alina, and she casts her arms out.

Light blossoms out from within her, illuminating the deck of the skiff, and you breathe a sigh of relief. She channels her power into a long pathway, lighting the way for Zoya to guide the skiff onwards through the Fold.

In the distance you can see a bright dot of sunlight - Novokribirsk.

The sight of it brings some of your nerves back, as you remember what is to come - the rest of your plan.

Volcra continue to scream from within the Fold, and at one point a crooked talon reaches through the barrier of light, though it retreats with a whimper as the sun scorches its rotten skin.

The passengers seem much more at ease, and some even move to the side of the skiff to stare into the Fold.

Before you know it, you’ve reached the edge of the Fold, and the port at Novokribirsk is visible over the stretch of sand that covers the distance between you and Zlatan’s men waiting to ambush you. As Aleksander had ordered her previously, Zoya brings the skiff to a stop.

At your request, Aleksander had informed the Grisha about your plan. If things went awry, you wanted everyone to be on the same page - knowing that Zlatan is the enemy not Aleksander.

“One more demonstration.” Aleksander calls out, and the people behind you stare with a mixture of curiosity and confusion.

In the book, Aleksander uses Alina’s power to push the Fold outwards. Because of you, he doesn’t have access to Alina’s power. But you still have hope.

In theory, Alina’s light has carved out a space within the Fold. That darkness still exists, her light has only moved it, and you’re hoping that Aleksander has the strength to redirect the darkness towards Novokribirsk.

There’s a small familiar rumble, as Aleksander begins to summon the shadows.

“You’ve all seen what the sun summoner can do. Now bear witness to what I can do, now that the Fold is ours to control.”

He brings his hands together.

A frightening storm of darkness surges forward, heading towards the town. Even from this distance, you can see people running away in terror. With any luck, Zlatan will be one of them.

Aleksander’s brows are furrowed in concentration, and for a brief moment you worry that he might not stop. Then he drops his hands. The darkness halts in its wake, skirting the edge of the docks.

Silence falls.

The Grisha and soldiers surrounding you grin wildly, shock and delight filling their faces. Ravka is no longer a deadbeat country, fighting wars it can never hope of winning. For the first time, in a long time, the people have hope.

Aleksander turns to the ambassadors.

“Take what you have seen back to your own countries. Tell the Shu Han. Tell the Fjerdans. The Fold is no longer the burden it once was for Ravka. We are entering a new age.”

You’re reminded of something Aleksander should have said to Alina, when they had journeyed to Os Alta at the beginning of the book. The age of Grisha power is coming to an end.

Aleksander looks back at you with triumph shining in his eyes.

The age of Grisha power has only just begun.

»»---------------------►

marvelmusing Tag List: @dreamlandcreations @blanchedelioncourt @idaofinfinity @slytherheign @ellooo0ooo @vixenofcourse

In Another Life Tag List: @parabatai-winchester @dangerousbluebirdpoetry @jambolska-grozdova @mxacegrey @budugu @cynthianokamaria @scarlettqueen190 @eloquentree @sharp-cheekbones-locked @sorrow-and-bliss @biblophilefox82 @tartiflvtte @rainbowgoblinfan

Aleksander M Tag List: @nyctophiliiiiaaa @jazmin2211

BB Characters Tag List: @rachlovesactors @noortsshift @aikeia

[headfullof-ideas]

All right, i decided on a whim to share a rough reference i use in my head of what teenage Ant looks like. Depending on what story or AU I’m writing a teenage Ant for, his appearance changes, but for this one we’ll say it’s my ‘canon’ version of him. Rather, the teenage Ant I have in my head following my internal interpretation of the canon timeline as it takes forever for new seasons to come out, but that I make sure to update as we get new seasons. Also involving a lot of my headcanons for him, most of which explain certain things about either his appearance or mental health, cause our boy is TRAUMATIZED.

Ant is about sixteen to seventeen here, the typical age for teenage main heroes. Except he has already been through being the main hero and is a little sick of it. Or maybe a lot sick of it. A few years prior to where he is in the drawing, the prophecy ends. After defeating the Monumentials and saving the earth from what would have been a devastating rampage, Ant tried to pretend that everything was okay and normal for a while. You know, blocking all of his trauma and acting like nothing’s wrong as is the norm from teenage protagonists. After a while though, Ant realizes that his lifestyle was never really normal to begin with. Ant has a bit of a metal breakdown, not on par with the one Alpheus had or anything, but he has a meltdown when trying to go back to his normal life fails and he realizes he wants a break from everything. From all the families missions and all the adrenaline they experience on a weekly basis and all the danger he hasn’t realized he’s experienced for a majority of his childhood. Fontaine feels guilty for being so proud of her little brother wanting to do normal, not-submarine things, and so Ant starts his own little journey of doing things beyond the titanium hull of the Aronnax.

Now that I’ve gotten the mini bio, or whatever that was, done, time for the headcanons!

- Ant joined his sister in begging their parents to let them try land school, and ultimately Kaiko and Will caved, due to everything the family had just been through. Fontaine went straight to high school while Ant did a year of middle school due to age before moving to high school, with both kids using Kaiko’s maiden name at Ants request. This was because while Ant didn’t hate being a Nekton and was proud of his name, he didn’t want to attract any sort of attention at all. Fontaine wasn’t immediately thrilled by it, but didn’t complain either.

- Ant ended up growing his hair out a bit, and started wearing a beanie as well. He’d alternate how he wore his hair, sometimes keeping it back but usually having it in a sort of half-up half-down style. Mostly because he didn’t want to try to hard with his appearance, and wanted to try something a little different to what he used to wear all the time. (I usually draw adult Ant with longer hair too)

- Ant got his ears pierced when he was fifteen, deciding on a whim that he wanted to. Fontaine was the one who ultimately took him, leaping at the opportunity. He still wears his communicator all the time, but Fontaine convinced him to try a few other bracelets as well.

- After Ants meltdown, he decided to try and separate himself from most of his childhood as much as possible. Not necessarily in a negative way, but more in a manner of trying to find stuff outside of submarine life. Ant felt he didn’t have too many hobbies outside of anything that came in handy with working and living on a submarine, and so started trying out all sorts of activities to find other things he liked to do. This was another thing Fontaine was eager to jump on board with. He still goes out in the Shadow Knight, and he still loves swimming and working on the Aronnax with Kaiko, but he doesn’t spend nearly as much time doing these things as he did when he was younger.

- Another aspect about Ant trying to branch away from submarine life is his clothing. He didn’t wear casual clothes too much as a kid, almost always wearing a wetsuit. As an older teenager, Ant doesn’t wear his wetsuit too much anymore. He has one, and he does use it, but not nearly as often as a kid. He tries to focus on finding a style he likes, which Fontaine is also ecstatic about. Doesn’t always agree with what he picks out, but she’s super excited nonetheless

-As Ant gets older, he starts to develop some more of Kaiko’s features. Ant always felt, to me, like someone where you knew he was Kaiko and Wills kid, but you never saw any similarities until you put him right in between his parents. As Ant gets older though, he starts to lose baby fat and looks a little more discernibly like his parents, especially Kaiko whom he subtly looks more like in regard to facial structure. (Fontaine is, like, a perfect blend of her parents in my opinion. Ant somehow looks exactly like and nothing like either of his parents in the show)

- Ant starts to develop a bit of muscle as a teenager. He’s not Will, and never does get that muscular, but he’s a teenage boy and that sort of thing just tends to happen to teenage boys. He’s still fairly active as well, which helps. His hair also gets a bit thicker because of puberty, and a tiny bit wavy. Not enough to be actually noticeably though, at least until it gets humid out.

- Ant didn’t grow too much between the ages of twelve and fourteen, but then started shooting straight up at fifteen. Will jokes that it’s all the growth spurts he missed in his early teenage years hitting him all at once. This however leads to Ants usual perfect balance due to life on sea being royally screwed up as his center of balance continues to change makes him abnormally clumsy over the next few years until he stops growing so fast at eighteen/nineteen. Being so clumsy leads to a few accidents, like the one that gave him a scar in his eyebrow. Ant usually doesn’t tell people how he got the scar, cause it’s embarrassing to him after spending so long on the ocean. During a summer between school years, the Nektons were on the Aronnax, and Kaiko just gently tipped the Aronnax into a dive. Nothing Ant shouldn’t have been unable to adjust to with ease. Instead, he slid on the floor, lost his balance, and went tumbling down the hall and crashing into a random room with an unfortunate door open where he wound up twisting his ankle, breaking his nose, and cutting his eyebrow deep enough to scar.

- In line with the prior note, Ant has some scars from all the adventures his family has been on. Fontaine does as well, and these only drive home how desperately they want to experience some sort of normalcy, despite still loving their life on the Aronnax.

- Ants clothing style tends to reflect his mental state; how well he’s doing, if anything’s bothering him, that sort of thing.

I’m sure i have plenty other headcanons, but my brain’s struggling to focus on anything new, so here ya go.

[zwy01]

Blood Moon AU!! Part 1 - Nobles

Time for a second major AU yayy!! I’m still working on Millennium AU as usual, though I want to get started on another one that’s been on my mind since years ago but never really got the chance to put on paper.

So here we are. I’m calling this Blood Moon AU. The nobles and werewolves basically have a race swap in an almost brand new setting. Lukedonia and werewolf island still exist; it’s the characters that have changed.

All characters reference their canon counterparts to various degrees. Some are similar or even near identical to the original, while some are vastly different. This could apply to names, looks, personalities, heritage/family, moral alignment… etc. It’s gonna be fun! I’m going to let myself get crazy with this and change things up quite a bit, haha.

As for the story. To be completely honest, at this point I just want to start off this new AU as more of a simple artistic approach. Right now I’m much more interested in designing and drawing the characters rather than writing the story itself. Maybe I’ll come up with something much later but it won’t be nearly as complicated as Millennium AU, and it’ll be fairly straightforward. Even then, I don’t want to rush it so that’s for the future. If I end up liking this new AU more than I do right now, maybe I’ll give the story an honest shot and turn it into more of a long-term project, but time will tell.

(Fyi “Noblesse” does not exist in the world. Too early for details but they either never existed, are a now permanently extinct special type of noble, or they simply peaced out and ditched Earth and returned to their special heavenly realm… etc. Honestly doesn’t matter. In this AU’s setting, they are absent. “Raizel” and his brother do exist but they’re both human. Actual normal human beings, with a normal life, currently students at a normal high school, stuff like that. Just your average human. The trio are also unmodified normal human beings. They are scattered across the world and never meet each other. Basically, unlike their canon counterparts, their existence is minimal and contribute to almost nothing in this universe. It’s weird, I know! That’s just how this AU is set up)

I’m going to split the noble and werewolf characters into two parts. Doing the (originally werewolves) nobles first! Posting the werewolves in a future post aka. part 2.

The characters!

Lucretia Natalina “Lunark” Drosia: Leader of the Drosia Clan. Kendrick’s twin, and on-and-off lovers with Julius. A rather carefree woman who is primarily interested in having fun, and shows little to no concern for the future of Lukedonia as a whole. When it comes to her people, she is a decent Clan Leader and manages her family efficiently. Lucretia’s efforts only apply to her clan, and her interests in other noble affairs are almost nonexistent. She has a habit of ditching meetings and whatnots. Sometimes, she even tries to ignore the Lord’s summons but ends up going anyway because her lovely daughter makes her show up. The only thing that can get Lucretia’s blood pumping with true passion is an offer to spar. Lucretia is an excellent fighter. People have to be very careful to not interrupt her fights unless they want to unleash her wrath, because she hates it when people invite themselves into her business. She also likes to flirt with her opponents during spars. Lucretia has a bit of a weird relationship with Julius, who is the father of her daughter. They seem to have positive feelings for each other, but that’s only when both of them are very bored and have nothing better to do.

Kendrick Tian-Chen “Kentas” Ru: Leader of the Ru Clan. Lucretia’s twin. A prideful, stubborn man who believes that the stronger should rule the weak. Like his sister Lucretia, he likes to fight and enjoys a good spar. Sometimes, people can choose to settle a quarrel with Kendrick by offering to spar with him and he would gladly accept. You can trust him, because he’s a man of his word. No more grudges, no hurt feelings. Done. In a way, he’s quite simple. Unlike his sister, Kendrick does care about the future of Lukedonia. He has a strong moral code of his own, but that can be overridden by his belief of submitting to the strong. That is why Kendrick is extremely loyal to their Lord and never questions him even if the latter makes some controversial decisions. As of now, Kendrick has no children.

Marcus Duruvan “Maduke” Siriana: Leader of the Siriana Clan. Erica’s older brother, and the Lord’s advisor. The only person who truly has everyone’s best interests at heart. You can say he’s the most “good person” leaning guy in this entire AU. Marcus is quite worried about the future under their Lord’s reign. Life is pretty comfortable inside Lukedonia, which is by itself very isolated from the rest of the world. However, Marcus foresees the destruction of planet earth if no one stops the Lord, since the latter doesn’t care about other races and is only concerned with the prosperity of nobles. Though, he doesn’t want to overthrow the Lord and instead wants to convince him to step away from his current path of darkness. He believes there is still hope. Simultaneously, Marcus is secretly gathering followers and supporters who all share his beliefs and formed his own organization. Together they work to transport resources out of Lukedonia and deliver them to humans and werewolves in need because the Lord refuses the share.

Marcus is struggling to plan for the future of the Siriana Clan, in case the Lord gets tired of him and decides to kill him one day for “meddling” too much, because his younger sister Erica is insane and cruel which makes her the worst possible candidate for the next Clan Leader of Siriana. Marcus loves her, but also fears her. He doesn’t know what she is capable of. Marcus is trying to look for ways to bypass his sister and hopefully be able to hand over both his position and Soul Weapon to another pure-blooded Siriana who isn’t his sister.

Marcus had a son, but he was assassinated sometime after his coming-of-age ceremony and now Marcus is once again childless and without an heir. To this day no one can figure out who the culprit is.

Erica Siriana: Marcus’ younger sister, and next-in-line for the position of Siriana Clan Leader. Wife of Lord Maximilian, and mother of Ashlynn. Erica is a ruthless, bloodthirsty woman. She is actually the person who orchestrated her nephew’s assassination. She made sure he was killed, then got rid of his killers, whom she sent, with her own hands. No one is going to suspect a thing and they’ll never find out no matter how hard they try. Erica did this to eliminate brother Marcus’ heir so she can regain her position as first-in-line. She’s been after her nephew ever since he was born, but waited for two whole centuries before doing the deed. To Erica, she’s just getting back what she’s entitled to, which is the full power, control, and privileges of a Clan Leader. Marcus is trying to be discreet but if Erica ever finds out that her brother intends to bypass her and give his position and Soul Weapon to someone else, she might actually just kill him and take over the clan immediately. Erica is truly a terrifying, power-hungry woman who will do anything to reach her goals. She does not care for anyone aside from her daughter Ashlynn and husband Maximilian, whom she genuinely loves. As messed up as Erica is, she is capable of being very loving and committed to whom she treasures. She and her husband are absolutely addicted to each other and he would let her do anything her heart wishes for, even if she continuously breaks Lukedonian laws.

Vivienne Branwen Di Ashlynn: Name means “lively and blessed raven of dreams”. Daughter of Erica Siriana and Lord Maximilian, and the next Lord of Lukedonia. On the surface, Ashlynn isn’t as straightforward as her mother despite their similarities. Ashlynn is just as ruthless and bloodthirsty as Erica, but the former puts on a facade in front of her people and pretends to be a sweet, altruistic future Lord. The perfect angel princess. And she’s very successful at it. Ashlynn is energetic, talkative, and empathetic around her subjects. She always tells them about how she wants her father to teach her power so she can protect not only her subjects, but also people around the world so they don’t have to suffer from hunger and war. In reality, she doesn’t care about any of them and she honestly thinks of them as a burden. They’re nothing more than cockroaches to her, and she’s only doing this because she enjoys deceiving her people and pulling on their puppet strings. She welcomes the love and respect they give her, and at the same time pities them for not knowing better, for she’s had them fooled this entire time. The world is her stage, and she’s the center. Ashlynn only drops her act and returns to her true self around her parents, who not only tolerate, but also accept and even encourage their daughter’s behavior. Well, their entire family is insane. Erica and Maximilian are totally overindulging Ashlynn while being completely aware of the fact that she is just as insane as them with no attempt to correct her, because she’s their little princess and hey, if she wants the world, then they’ll give it to her. Like Erica, Ashlynn doesn’t care about anyone who isn’t her family. Ashlynn loves both of her parents to the moon and back, and she might as well kill anyone who dares to speak ill about either of them. No one is allowed to disrespect them in front of her. Not a single word.

Ashlynn has a crush on Dominic and wants him for herself one day.

Eutimio Friedrich Di Maximilian: Name means “good-spirited and peaceful ruler of the greatest”. The current Lord, husband of Erica Siriana, and father of Ashlynn. Maximilian firmly believes that nobles are the most supreme beings to exist on this planet, and that they have a right to rule over every other species. Humans, werewolves, whatever… well, for now he’ll let them be for as long as they’re still useful. He won’t hesitate to unleash his power on them if he loses his patience. From a world view, Maximilian would be categorized as “evil”, but he doesn’t think of himself as such. In fact, he believes that he is doing good for his people, who are his priority. Which is true from a certain perspective, especially to the nobles who share their Lord’s vision. To them, Lord Maximilian is the greatest Lord in all of noble history. To others who strongly disagree with him, he is the most terrifying and coldblooded Lord in existence. Maximilian is only concerned with the prosperity of Lukedonia and doesn’t quite welcome the idea of distributing resources with the rest of the world. He doesn’t want the nobles to simply exist alongside other species; he’ll make sure the nobles are on the very top of the food chain. Everyone else is irrelevant and they’re all at his mercy. Generally, opinions are very divided and you either side with him, or you don’t. Life is very, very comfortable inside Lukedonia, and indeed, to some nobles, that is all they care about. Those with more empathy see beyond the obvious and are concerned with what goes on outside Lukedonia. The thing with Maximilian is that despite showing neither mercy nor any sign of remorse for his deeds in the outside world, he is actually quite lenient and loving with his subjects. You can say he has two extreme sides to him. He’s very kind to his nobles, but only them. He doesn’t mind if Lucretia skips meetings; he’d let her be. Or when his servants make mistakes, when someone does something offensive, etc... it’s alright, no big deal. In a way, Maximilian’s Lukedonia is teeming with freedom like never before under the rule of his predecessors. This is where Marcus comes in. He is just nervous and overthinking about getting killed if he says the wrong thing, but in reality Maximilian doesn’t mind voices of objection. He’s not going to give anyone a treason sentence or kill them for saying what they really think of him. You can tell him you disagree with him, he’ll just shrug it off and laugh. Say all you want, he knows you’re trying to persuade him, he doesn’t care. He’ll just keep doing what he’s always been doing. Maximilian knows he’s the Lord, and ultimately it is his decision to make. Just don’t let Ashlynn know, because she’ll come after your head if she figures out that you had doubts about her precious Daddy.

Maximilian is a very loving husband and father to his family. He is obsessed with them just as much as they are obsessed with him. On a personal level, while Maximilian himself doesn’t crave for the blood of his own kind like his wife and daughter do, he doesn’t mind letting them do whatever they want for the funs and thrills. Erica and Ashlynn are free to break the law all they want. Though, they’re smart and strategic with it and don’t commit murder in broad daylight. Still, Maximilian is aware of his beloveds’ occasional killings, and he lets them be. He’s the type of person who would let them burn down the entirety of Lukedonia to nothing more than a pile of ash if that is what they wish to do. It’s no big deal, he’ll just rebuild Lukedonia to be even grander and more luxurious than before! To Maximilian, they are the only two existences in this world to come before Lukedonia. How sweet.

Zivon Tradio: Leader of the Tradio Clan. An elderly sorcerer who is quite the hard worker, and spends most of his time studying existing spells as well as coming up with new ones. He’s from the previous generation of nobles, and he stayed behind because he’s just too damn cool to die. Just kidding, his love for magic is why he’s still rocking it. It’s still too early! Zivon’s ultimate goal is to push the boundaries of noble magic and to create what has never been seen before. A true spectacle to behold. Zivon is one of Lord Maximilian’s favorite subjects and the latter even has an entire wifi system built and set up in Lukedonia as a gift just because the former has the hobby of streaming and likes being an “influencer”or whatever the humans call it. Zivon is quite an internet celebrity and Lord Maximilian is supportive of his work of “spreading superior noble influence over humans”. Zivon is also Princess Ashlynn’s tutor, who calls him “teacher”.

As of now, Zivon has no children.

Julius Loyard: Leader of the Loyard Clan. On-and-off lovers with Lucretia. An elegant man who is well-received by his fellow nobles. Julius is a man of few words and usually doesn’t express himself beyond the bare minimum required to be polite. While Julius does admit to enjoying the lavish lifestyle that was a gift from the Lord to all nobles, he is beginning to see why this is a problem for beings outside Lukedonia and starts to sympathize with them. It isn’t easy for him immediately to give up what he’s been used to all these years, but he’s starting to steer away from that lifestyle in support of the less fortunate. Julius was one of the first members to join Marcus’ secret organization of smuggling resources out of Lukedonia to help those in need. Currently, he’s responsible as the leader of the food distribution sector. In his free time, Julius is a jewelry designer and Lord Maximilian is a fan of his work.

Julius’ heir is his son whom he had with Lucretia. He is fond of her but doesn’t entirely agree with her rather carefree personality. They seem to have positive feelings for each other, but that’s only when both of them are very bored and have nothing better to do.

Giada Agvain: Leader of the Agvain Clan. Like Kendrick, she is extremely loyal to their Lord. She’s been by his side since the beginning, and they are childhood friends. Everyone knows that Giada used to feel one-sided love for the then-Maximilian and now Lord Maximilian, but what they don’t know is that she is still in love with him. Well, maybe it’s better for them to continue to believe that she has gotten over him. It’s not like he’ll ever like her back anyway, and you’ll never know what Princess Ashlynn will do if she finds out that anyone other than her precious Mommy is “coveting” her beloved Daddy. Giada is one of the few people who knows about Ashlynn’s true nature despite the latter’s angelic facade. While Giada does love Max on a personal level and is loyal to him, she doesn’t agree with his actions. She is also one of the first members of Marcus’ organization. Currently, Giada is responsible as the leader of the money distribution sector. In her free time, Giada tends to a small spider lily garden.

Giada’s heir is her daughter whom she had with an unnamed noble woman.

Dominic Raffaello “Dorant” Blerster: Leader of the Blerster Clan. A calm and rational man who remains unfazed in extreme situations. He is also the youngest to become Clan Leader, because his mother and predecessor saw so much potential in him, she passed over her title and Soul Weapon to him as soon as he came of age. Dominic pretends to be fairly neutral, and most people think he isn’t dedicated to anything or anyone, but he’s actually Lord Maximilian’s right hand man in the shadows. On the surface, he is simply Clan Leader of the Blersters and does a good job of managing his clan. When he no longer needs to act as Clan Leader, Dominic goes to the castle and reports everyone’s moves to his Lord. Dominic is actually a member of Marcus’ secret organization and oversees the medical distribution sector… as a double agent. His allegiance is with the Lord and he’s only there to watch what everyone else is doing to report back to his master. That includes a long list of who is working with Marcus, what resources they have been smuggling out of Lukedonia, who is on the receiving end… etc. Every. Single. One. So Lord Maximilian is very much aware of Marcus’ “betrayal” thanks to Dominic. Curiously, Lord Maximilian tells Dominic to just let them be. Perhaps he finds this to be amusing. Nobody knows what he’s thinking. Dominic, on the other hand, is in total awe of his Lord for his immense generosity for the “traitors” even though they clearly don’t deserve it.

Dominic doesn’t know that Ashlynn has a crush on him.

As of now, Dominic has no children.

Undine Mergas: Daughter of the leader of the Mergas Clan. A woman with a short temper who is also easily provoked. Undine’s father, the current Mergas Clan Leader, believes that she is unfit to become Clan Leader due to her personality and tendencies to boss the knights around instead of being a responsible and respectful leader like she is supposed to, but he is hopeful that she will change one day. Undine is best friends with Mimi and the two of them are almost always seen together. On one of her travels to the outside world, Undine met a human named Michael Travis Osborn by chance and she has had a crush on him ever since. He’s pretty cute. Maybe the Lord will let her capture him and bring him back to Lukedonia, she thinks.

Mimi Elenor: Daughter of the leader of the Elenor Clan. A woman with a similar personality to her best friend Undine, but less impulsive and more calm. That’s why they get along and are best friends because they have much in common. Mimi has an older brother so she likely won’t become the next Elenor Clan Leader, but she’s fine with that. In fact, she’s glad she won’t become Clan Leader because all those responsibilities, hassles, sitting in meetings all day, blah blah blah… ew, just too much work. She just wants to have fun, so her brother better be competent so she won’t have to bother with her clan at all. Mimi, like Undine, also has a crush on Michael Travis Osborn. They chat about how cute he is. Both of them want to capture him and bring him into Lukedonia. They’re thinking about discussing this with the Lord. If Lord Maximilian hears about this, he’d approve of the capture and tell them to go ahead and enjoy themselves because of course he wants all of his nobles to get their hands on everything they wish for. Plus, these two remind him of his daughter Ashlynn so he’d be even more generous towards them.

Kushaal Kertia: Leader of the Kertia Clan. Cousin of Galileo. A respected fighter known for his immense speed and agility even amongst the Kertia. Kushaal is also honorable. He dislikes dirty fighting and is fairly open to acknowledging his own weaknesses and strives to become even stronger and faster. He has heard about a certain blonde werewolf warrior who is the fastest of his pack, and wishes to fight him one day. While Kushaal enjoys and supports the luxurious lifestyle given to him by their Lord, he believes that humans and werewolves could use some help from Lukedonia. After all, if they’re all gone, he’s not going to have anyone interesting to fight with anymore. Kushaal would love to spar with the werewolves, so he hopes that they’re doing well. In his free time, Kushaal likes to collect rare werewolf artifacts to display in his home because they feel familiar to him, for some odd reason.

As of now, Kushaal has no children.

Galileo Kravei: Son of the leader of the Kravei Clan. Cousin of Kushaal. A man who has a bit of an inferiority complex because his abilities seem to have hit a wall, and he can’t get stronger with his own strength. Galileo is probably going to get by just fine, even though he himself is more impatient than anyone in terms of wanting to gain strength. Other than that, no one really knows much about him since he tends to keep to himself. In his free time, he plays with his three supernatural pet aquatic snakes: Ramen, Ramyeon, and Lamien. Galileo has a huge love-hate crush on Kendrick, and people will tell you he’s both extra mean and extra nice to him. He sends him cheesy “let’s fight” love letters written on rose scented paper. Yeah. He’s totally in love.

And that’s it for now!

Again, very open to questions and discussion. Quite happy about my second major AU! While this post only touches the surface of what I have in mind, I have a feeling that I will grow to like this AU even more. Maybe I’ll even create brand new OCs specific to this AU lol.

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for future posts!

[animeyanderetalker]

Not including either Chrollo or Hisoka, which Phantom Troupe member(s) do you believe to have the highest probability of being yandere, and which ones do you think could have a healthy relationship. At least, as healthy as you can get when at least one of the people involved is a remorseless criminal.

I’m only counting in the Phantom Troupe members that were introduced in Yorknew City Arc.

High probability to turn Yandere if they gain feelings for someone:

I think her short-term memory loss would be quite interesting to consider because imagine Shizuku not forgetting anything that is related to you. Since you are one of the few things that can stay on her mind, she would think nearly all day long about you because of the limited amount of people she can actually memorize. She’s quite airheaded so she probably won’t even realize for a while her feelings for you but other members can pinpoint that you must be special because Shizuku is able to remember you. Her forgetfulness is what makes her quite dangerous though because it sometimes feels like she is selectively forgetting stuff that would be unpleasant to remember. If you have already a partner for example, she’ll have it forgotten within a few minutes already and would kill them as soon as she sees them displaying affection to you because they’re a stranger to you. If we wanna crank it up even more just imagine how frightening it would be if she at one point conjures up memories that aren’t even real and starts believing that she is your girlfriend.

In a way I can see Shalnark being a similar case as Chrollo. Shalnark is one of the most cold-hearted individuals of the Phantom Troupe. This is a man who rarely loses his composure and refers to the people he uses as toys. So actually caring about someone in a sincere way is a new experience but an exciting one nevertheless that would capture Shalnark’s attention completely and make him quite obsessive over you. He’s going to be such an online stalker who has hacked all of your accounts and has managed to be able to permanently track you down. Shalnark just needs to know everything about you, he needs to know what it is that makes him feel this way about you and he doesn’t care about controlling people to his own advantage to get to know you better. What is posted online is eternal so Shalnark wouldn’t even be above digging up dirty secrets or artificially creating false comments or videos to blackmail the people around you or you yourself.

“Healthiest” relationship:

I’m not going to claim that this women won’t put a bullet in someone’s head if they’re messing with her darling or the relationship but she is reasonable enough to do her best to keep her life away from you. Pakunoda is loyal to death to the people she cares about and besides the Phantom Troupe that would also be the person she has fallen in love with if that would happen. She’s grown up in Meteor City and her past has been filled with hardships and her current life is still filled with danger. So if her darling just happens to be a normal person, she’s just going to be happy for them. It isn’t like she regrets the life she has right now because doing so wouldn’t change anything anyways but if you at least have the possibility to lead a normal life, she sees no reason to hinder you from doing so. Instead she is going to be quite supportive for as long as you don’t do anything that would put your life in danger and will do her best to separate the life she has with you from the life she leads as a Phantom Troupe member.

Nobunaga is usually quite relaxed and laid-back if the circumstances allow him to do so that can be translated to a relationship as well. Now, just like Pakunoda he is also going to be protective and is fully capable of slashing someone with his sword but he isn’t someone who is plainly sadistic like Feitan nor loves a good fight like Uvogin. He’s just going to vibe with his darling in their daily life and he sees nothing wrong in doing so. The fact that you are just a plain person with no Nen abilities or sadistic tendencies is such a fresh breath of air for a man who is normally surrounded by desensitized criminals. Obviously he is no hypocrite, he knows that he is one of them too but you don’t have to know that and you shouldn’t have to know that either. He just wants to enjoy the time he can spend with you when he isn’t with the Phantom Troupe without you knowing who he is and what he does.

[risingscorchingsuns]

Hi Leon!! It’s princeblue but my main acc!! Dropping into ask what you think Genya’s and kyojurous, and maybe even senjurou’s dynamic would be like? You said you interested in being moots sooo I’m taking an opportunity to have a convo hehe

omg hello!!!! thank u for sending this i literally have no idea how to start conversations lmaoo

i think it depends on how much they know about each other/where Genya is in his character development! there’s a LOT of factors here so im gonna try and turn it into a formula because that’s my favorite analysis format lol

i don’t know if this is going to make any sense because I don’t know how to do actual math but breaking things into variables makes it easier to sort them in my brain

let’s say K = kyojuro and G = genya. x = how much kyojuro knows about genya, and y = how much genya knows about kyo. a = pre-tanjiro genya and b = post-tanjiro genya. (i assume this would make a difference bc tanjiro makes him less aggressive lol.) Going to leave Senjuro out for now because that’s too many variables for a post that I don’t plan to cross-reference 💀

There’s also the fact that canonically, post-Tanjiro Genya would never meet Kyojuro, but I didn’t think about that until I was nearly done with this post so I’ll leave that variable in as a hypothetical. aG in this scenario can be a control group I guess lol

let’s take (K)x + (aG)y as a base formula, and solve for the dynamic there. assuming x is “Kyojuro knows nothing except Genya’s last name”, and y is “Genya knows Kyojuro as a Hashira and nothing else”, it’s safe to say their dynamic would be mostly professional. Kyojuro, knowing Genya’s last name, would no doubt link him to Sanemi. But Sanemi fervently denies having any siblings, so Kyojuro would likely try to probe Genya for info, due to his brotherly instinct. He’d want to know if something was wrong, so he could help if possible. Assuming we’re dealing with aG, Genya would shirk away the questions, and Kyojuro would back off out of respect. I don’t think Genya would be too rude about it due to Kyojuro being a Hashira, but definitely a bit more irritable and snarky than bG would be.

bG would feel hurt at the mention of Sanemi, but I believe he’d be more open to talking about it. If Genya opens up to Kyojuro, I think they have high potential to form a brotherly relationship given enough time. Kyojuro would feel protective of Genya, and, whether consciously or not, may link him to Senjuro and begin to act brotherly and/or protective of him as well. If Kyojuro knows that Genya eats demons to make himself stronger at the cost of his own health, he’d probably be horrified- food is very important to Kyojuro and he would be mortified at the idea of eating a demon to gain its powers, especially if it hurts the consumer. I’m not sure if he’d try to stop Genya or not, but he’d definitely be concerned about him.

Either way, I think the key variable here is whether or not Genya lets his guard down long enough for Kyojuro to learn his story- then I think their relationship would evolve from professional to a lot more brotherly. Kyojuro can’t entirely help it- it’s in his nature to protect, it’s literally been taught to him since he was old enough to understand. He would want to protect Genya regardless, but learning his story, his sacrifices, and his actions going forward, Kyojuro would almost certainly take him under his own wing if given the chance. I believe Genya would remind Kyojuro of Senjuro- someone who doesn’t fight traditionally, but is so so strong in their own regard. They aren’t exactly the same, but they have enough similarities that i believe Kyo would definitely associate the two.

how knowing Genya would change his perception of Sanemi is also an interesting concept but I’m going to save that for another post lol

anyway pls feel free to plug in different variables for me to analyze???? id like to do them all here but unfortunately i am writing this post so i can procrastinate on my schoolwork so im gonna call it here lol

[demigodofhoolemere]

Mystery pain question for my fellow chronic pain folks:

For as long as I can remember I’ve gotten irregular pains in my ankles. I don’t know how to describe this pain, other than that it’s not dissimilar to growing pains, and for years I kind of figured it was probably just part of that. At some point after becoming an adult and clearly not growing anymore, that was obviously not the case.

Nothing ever causes this pain; it will just come on out of nowhere with no obvious reason or trigger, usually just one ankle at a time, and there’s no predicting when it will happen because sometimes I’ll go weeks and weeks without an instance of it and other times it’ll come back fairly quickly after the last time, even successive days in a row. No doctors know what the heck this is and pain meds don’t really do anything to make it stop.

In the past few years it’s extended from only ever being in my ankles. It can now present itself in any of the four limbs, in any spot throughout them. Sometimes it’ll be in one of my knees or wrists and so on, and I’ve now fairly often had it be throughout the entirety of a given limb. At the moment of writing this I have this pain all through one of my legs. Sometime in the past year it was so excruciating throughout an entire arm that I was nearly completely disabled by it, it was agony to do anything with it and I was at the point of tears, which my various chronic pains/illnesses almost NEVER bring me to no matter how bad it can get, my pain threshold is very high. This particular mystery pain is not usually disabling, more just uncomfortable than anything but I can still function well enough during it, but it’s a bit concerning that it’s become enough of a problem that that can happen now. Sometimes it will also be in multiple limbs at once in various spots which is a little annoying; rarely was it ever in both ankles at once throughout growing up so there’s little precedent for it being on more than one side (or limb, now) at the same time, but that’s where we’re at now.

I wish I knew how to properly describe what the feeling of it even is, no description of either muscle or joint pain has ever sounded quite right and I’ve only ever been able to refer to it as simply “my ankle pain” regardless of where it now chooses to present itself. It’s just… this painful discomfort that sort of sits in the spot it’s at, not exactly pulsing or radiating but just… there.

I’m thinking this may be a weird fibromyalgia thing? I’ve never been officially diagnosed with that, but my mom has been for many years now and with the benefit of hindsight she and her aunt think that her mother must have had it based on things she would describe but wouldn’t have had a word for, and as time goes on I’ve developed more and more of my mom’s fibro symptoms. She doesn’t have this same particular problem but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what this is and it was simply the first symptom that hit me even as a child and now it’s gotten worse into young adulthood the way that some of my mom’s symptoms got worse with time.

Does anyone with fibromyalgia understand the kind of pain I’m trying to explain and can confirm that it’s likely fibro? Or anyone with some other lesser known thing that this could be? I don’t know what to make of it anymore.

[lunashiba]

A bit of a redesign for Morgan, first posted on 7-13-2022. I was very, very happy with how this piece turned out actually! It was my first time using a binary brush, so I had a small bit of a learning curve with this one. I usually paint and render, so I feel pretty uncomfortable with cell shading (but this time, it ended up alright). I’ll put some processes and such below, along with some more backstory and thoughts, if anybody is interested.

A minion is dangling on her tail on the bottom right.

Above are the sketches and WIPs I had leading up to the finished piece. I really liked these sketches, but ended up deciding to fully draw out one. Morgan was actually one of my first OCs, but her design has changed a lot over time. Back when I first started to draw, I thought that OCs were a bit too far out for me- I only ever envisioned myself as a fan artist. Nowadays, it’s quite the opposite- I don’t think I’ll ever do much art of popular media and such except if it’s for friends. The friends I made when I first started drawing all had OCs though, and that was what eventually made me more keen to the idea of making one. In my mind, having a consistent character to grind out all the time would be helpful in building my consistency and speed, so it counted as something that would help me grind- not to mention all the art stuff that went into “designing a character”.

I used to be extremely into learning art in a very methodical, nearly academic way. Everything had to be very productive and effective- I had to make sure I was getting as good as I could, as fast as I could; otherwise I’d be wasting time. I think it’s pretty easy to see my mindset at the time being unhealthy, but I don’t know if I’d regret too much of it. I enjoyed finally having a “productive” hobby in my life. With my online art friends, we decided to altogether draw something of a banner, with all of our pieces lined side to side- with this opportunity, I decided to draw the first iteration of my OC, who had no name at the time.

3-4-2018

I think that this may have also been my first piece with color? Or at least, full page of color. I think I just referred to her as “the horn girl” or “the antler girl” and based it on some crazy deer stuff. I loved the little doodles I did to the side- It’s something I haven’t done as much. I used to make sure to always put a little scribble as somewhere as a joke for anybody who looked hard enough to find it in all of my pieces, but it started annoying me because I couldn’t ignore it once I posted the piece. After this, I tried to further work on my OC, opting for different colors.

4-5-2018

I liked this design actually, but it didn’t really fit my personality. I guess I don’t really vibe that well with smug characters. I like the outfit I designed for her, but I think it shows a bit too much skin- it wouldn’t really be something I’d draw nowadays. It’d take a bit for me to realize that NSFW art or anything slightly so wouldn’t really be for me either.

4-30-2018

Things started to get refined- I kept around the ponytail, and toned down her outfit. I remember being extremely happy with the satchel and the earrings, and I kept around the thigh highs. I still felt a bit unhappy, with the design, but I couldn’t put my finger on what.

10-23-2018

If you look at the dates, you can see that it took a few months for this current design to come along. I actually extremely adore this design, and I don’t think I’ll ever fully shelve it. Disregarding the hair, this is pretty much the final design of this character. This is the Morgan that truly lives through to today. I remember drawing the shoes for over an hour- maybe two hours. I worked a long time on the line art, especially regarding the shoes, making sure that I’d get it absolutely correct in both perspective and in geometry. Nowadays I’m much less of a perfectionist in some ways (though more in others). Morgan initially had more brunette hair, but I gradually transitioned to a bit more of an anime red, and I brought back the horns that I really liked. A particular artifact of this era of art was that I used to draw little triangles above the eyes, to symbolize the little wrinkles in the eyelids. I know I didn’t make it up myself, but I’m not exactly sure where I got it from. Now, I just draw the eyelid folds. From here on out, it was more just personality growths than visual design changes.

3-6-2020

At this point, I had been accepted into art school and engineering school. I couldn’t give up either of them, so I doubled majored- as a result, what I had to give up on was time. I stopped doing as much digital art for a while, so most of what I have at this time period can be seen in notebook paper or scrap paper. I was a huge workaholic, and it started to affect my health.

3-8-2020

Morgan is gay. I came to the realization that I was pretty gay too, at around this time, and I guess I wanted to show it in my art too.

3-9-2020

The day after. She is very gay still. Here, you can see the absolute beginnings of a tiny doodle of Soone. She’d be developed later.

4-19-2020

I found my favorite marker. It wasn’t anything special at all- the tip was running dry, and it was completely blank- I couldn’t find any trace of a brand at all. The terrible paper with the texture of the marker made it extremely appealing to me however, and I fell in love with it. I don’t know where it is now, but I hope I’ll find another terrible marker at some point to fall in love with again.

Bonus Soone sketch idea. I really like this design, but overall decided to not use it- or at least, not all of it. I don’t think it’s fully gone yet though.

7-19-2020

Morgan’s character design is basically completed- She is very gay. I think at this point, she was also trans, though it was much more unspoken. It’s a bit subtle, but I stopped giving her as much indication of having “a chest”.

9-4-2020

I did a bit more work with Morgan’s horns here. It’s nothing that stays around too much, but who’s to say it won’t come back? I think I stopped drawing horns like this because I was a bit lazy with horn rendering. Also, it made the design a bit busy. This outfit is cute though, and I like it as a general vibe of Morgan. She also has a tummy piercing.

9-12-20

A little in-joke between friends.

10-7-2020

A Halloween drawing. She still has red horns. I used to always draw Sharingan on everything as a joke, but it’s faded out a bit now.

1-15-2021

I treasure this comic a lot. In a way, it helped me cope a lot, as it was based on a true story. I love this design for Morgan, kinda symbolizing an earlier Morgan, maybe a bit earlier in her transition. It somewhat aligned with my life, and the mental state I was kinda living in. I want to make more comics like this.

1-28-2021

Small doodles I had lying around on another blog.

3-29-2021

I forgot I drew this until writing this post. This Morgan was a bit of a vision of how a more confident, future Morgan would be like. Regarding her future, I think she’d end up enjoying being a professor, and I felt the vibes would be nice. Who’s to say if this is canon or not- or if there is a canon. I like having fun. Her horns are red and have ridges as well. I’d like to imagine that she’s the type of professor to have photos of her wedding on her desk, along with photos of her wife and her cats.

6-14-2021

This one was for Pride Month 2021. I should draw another piece next year, since I missed 2022′s. This is probably one of my proudest paintings ever, and one of my favorite Morgan Designs. I want to draw her like this again. I dropped the horns being red also, and moved to a more white/cream color.

8-18-2021

This one I made while I was very sad. It took a lot of coming to terms regarding my family, but this sketch helped me out a lot. I didn’t have the heart to color nor render it however, so I had posted it as is. I think for all of us, many things change, but some things may always stay the same.

8-24-2021

A bit of a happier time- a bitter sweet smile.

9-03-2021

I started to draw more of my daily life as well- this was inspired from my bus rides, where I’d constantly be stressed about school, but simultaneously wanting to draw. I’ve also transitioned from drawing wired to wireless earbuds. Technology evolving is great.

1-1-2022

Happy New Year doodles. I really like all of these designs. I don’t know what to do with this like though. I could always say “Maybe I’ll turn them into Twitch Emotes since I have space,” or “I should make some Discord stickers with them,” but I think I already I’ll be a bit too lazy to do so.

4-10-2022

This was inspired by two adorable mannequins I saw at the mall- I knew right away that I wanted to draw them in these outfits, so I took a picture right away and started a sketch I never finished. It’s around this time that I slowly started to approach the Adventure Time methodology to characters. In Adventure Time, the characters always had such varying hairstyles, clothing, and outfits that I adored- differing from episode to episode. I decided that any Morgan and any Soone will still be Morgan and Soone no matter how they looked, and actually focused on less of a central design (though I still liked the central design).

2-27-2022

A bit more of a “Realistic” Morgan and Soone. I think optimally, I’d love to draw Morgan like this more. Her design here as a more androgynous character is something I really wish I could do more often, instead of falling back on the easier to draw very-feminine Morgan. I based this design a lot on the Fate character Enkidu, whose androgynous design I’ve fallen deeply in love with (specifically, this one, which is one of my more memorable adored arts that I can think of).

4-01-2022

Morgan but ACTUALLY more real. I couldn’t get the colors right, so I left things as black and white. I’m still extremely happy with it though. I initially posted it for this year’s Pride Month, but then mentally removed it, since I felt I’d rather have a fully complete piece.

[------ END ------]

There are a few more Morgan pieces here and there, but maybe I’ll place out a few posts with them, so that I can put out the process and WIPs separately. As it stands, this post has run pretty long, and ended up being a lot more detailed than I had initially planned for. I ended up finishing the draft for this post at 4:40 AM, though I had initially posted it nearly 10 hours earlier. I ranted a lot, but I think it was nice to type all this out. Not sure who’d be interested in reading all this, but thanks for sticking through. I’m glad that I was able to write out so much for Morgan though. I also hope I can draw her more often, and post her everywhere. I hope that other people also like her as well. I hope everybody has a great day and night.

Thank you for reading.

Luna

[elliewiltarwyn]

FFXIV Write 2023 | Prompt #12: Dowdy

I'll be real I didn't really have any great ideas for this one so I sort of grabbed for a trope I've seen a lot and decided to do the opposite of the prompt?? oh well it's something ;u;

-860 words

----

“Oh, thank the Fury, you’re back—I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it in time.”

“The hells are you talking about? It’s still like two hours until it starts, isn’t it?”

Mia shook her head and smiled ruefully as she straightened out her billowing sleeves and tightened some of the laces on her corset—her corset. Of all the things… “You’re right, technically, but… because we’re honored guests of House Fortemps, we’re supposed to attend with the rest of Count Edmund’s retinue so he can look all grand and impressive as the doors open. Which means—”

“We have to be there stupid early.” Ellie groaned, and Mia heard a sort of flump sound from the bed behind her, as if someone had just dropped a heavy mass of fabrics upon it. “Gods, I knew I was in trouble the moment somebody mentioned the words ‘Ishgard ball.’”

“You really should have seen it coming, the moment we began to mingle with Ishgardian high society,” Mia chuckled, now adjusting the bands on her cuffs’ straps. “And especially once we defeated Nidhogg—you thought they wouldn’t have celebrated the end of the Dragonsong War with a big stuffy ostentatious ball?”

“I knew they would. I was just hoping we’d get to avoid it.”

“No such luck, I’m afraid,” Mia mused, and as she ran the tips of her fingers under her neckline, ensuring that it wasn’t scratching at her skin or anything, she glanced over her shoulder. “No, I’m afraid you’ll have to suck it up and wear a—” And then she froze in place.

“What?” Ellie said with a sly smirk, running the tips of her fingers under the fringe of her collar. “Coeurl got your tongue? Or Lily, perhaps?”

“N-no, I—” Mia was very uncertain as to why her mouth had suddenly gone dry upon beholding Ellie standing before her dresser at full height, in a smooth, silk tailcoat, a frilly shirt tucked underneath a tightly buttoned vest, and smart slacks tucked into knee-high leather boots. “That’s just not what I was—” She swallowed, her throat suddenly scratchy as well. “...You… look nice.” Really, Mia? That’s the best you could come up with? At least go for handsome, as someone who looks good in a suit is usually referred to…

“I’m glad someone thinks so.” Ellie’s smirk turned wry as she gestured with her hand across the width of her broad shoulders, down the sleeve filled with her thick arm. “They tried to stuff me in a big flowy gown, but… I just don’t have the right build for it.”

“I- I’m sure that’s—come on, that can’t remotely be true. Of course there are dresses that suit your build.” She tamped down the urge to mention that she had been oddly looking forward to see what Ellie looked like in a long flowing ballroom gown, she does not need to know that.

“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I’m not going to give Ishgard’s high houses a chance to spend the whole evening sneering at how… dowdy or ungainly I look wearing one of their big flowy dresses.” Ellie chuckled and tugged her glove a little tighter. “No, Artoirel suggested I borrow this, it’s one of his old suits—still had to be tailored somewhat to fit, that’s why I’m nearly late for our very early arrival… but it worked out, I think.”

“It very much did,” Mia had to admit; the more she thought about it, the more a suit did, well…suit Ellie and her long frame and broad shoulders. She glanced down at herself, suddenly self-conscious. It wasn’t like she was familiar with this style of formalwear, certainly no more than Ellie was, and she honestly felt more at home in platemail than anything else… Maybe I should’ve… “You don’t think… I’m going to come off as dowdy or ungainly, do you?”

Ellie blinked in mild surprise. “What? No, why would you think that? You’re gorgeous in that.”

If Mia thought her mouth was dry before, it was parched now. And from the stunned expression on Ellie’s face, as though she couldn’t believe the words that had just tumbled forth unbidden from her mouth, was any indication, the tall roegadyn was just as speechless.

Ellie did recover first, though, clearing her throat and shaking her head as she jerked her head toward the door. “Anyway, uh… are you all set? If we have to leave early, we should probably wait in the foyer or something, for everyone else…”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

In a most ironic fashion that betrayed how she clearly had no idea what she was doing, Ellie proffered her arm to Mia with that same smirk as before. “Is this how Ishgardian gentlefolk do things? It’s something like this, right?”

With a small giggle and a warm smile, Mia threaded her hand through the crook of her friend’s elbow, resting it upon her forearm. “Something like this, yeah. Don’t worry, though; whether or not you’re doing it wrong, I think you’re going to be the best looking one there.”

“I don’t know,” Ellie said knowingly with a wink, “I think I have some pretty stiff competition.”

[world-of-fire-and-flight]

Mirth's Ebenezer: Part 14

A/N: OMG I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel😲 Now the longest standing series on my blog, I’m throwing it back to part 4, part 5, and part 6 in the hopes of tying up some loose ends like who the mole is and how Supervillain got them to leak the holiday schedule. You know, the truly important stuff (though at some point I should probably figure out this love triangle thing. Maybe I should make a poll?? You know what yeah: drop a comment about whether you’d like to vote for who Mirth ends up with and I’ll make a poll for it 😊)

Warnings: reference to past violence, reference to past betrayal, reference to past murder and bodily harm, fleeing, reference to past home invasion (well, safe house invasion😉)

My Masterlist | Taglist Info or Taglist Request Form | Mirth’s Ebenezer masterlist

Mirth let her eyes fall shut and her head go limp, leaning against the cool windowpane of the truck’s rear passenger seat as Superhero and Baron discussed which of their potential suspects was actually Supervillain’s mole.

“I’m telling you, it has to be Agent,” Baron was saying insistently, leaning forward over the center console with one hand dangling over the empty passenger seat and the other over the driver seat. “Who else had access—”

“There’s still Civilian to consider, the H.R. assistant, and as much as I hate to say it, the H.R. director herself, Carole.”

“Well if we’re just going to keep throwing names at the wall, we might as well as add Other Agent to the list too.”

“No,” Mirth finally said, peeling herself away from the window and straightening in her seat beside Baron. “They’re too loyal even if they are a little dimwitted.”

Superhero caught her eye in the rear view mirror, their brow arched in question. Before they could say anything, she added, “I do think we need to consider Judge Whitmire or someone in his office though.”

Baron glanced at her. “Why?”

“Because who else knew where the safe house was?”

Silence descended upon the car. Baron slumped back in the seat and finally buckled himself in. Mirth turned her head back toward the window, watching the forest pass by as Superhero sped through the narrow dirt roads and took the already sharp turns a little too vigorously. Her stomach roiled from the suddenness of the car’s movements and sliding around the backseat with every high speed turn they took. Acid simmered in her gut from both the jerky ride and the fresh memory of Supervillain’s attack on the safe house.

Taking a long breath in through her nose, Mirth tried to focus on anything other than the snap of bones in her ears as she’d slammed henchmen into trees or threw her fist at their faces.

None of it made any sense. How would Civilian or Carole know where they were serving Baron’s house arrest at? But how would anyone in Judge Whitmire’s office know which heroes were scheduled to work during this past holiday season?

Unless…

“What if we’re all right but also wrong?” she started, forcing her eyes to focus on first Superhero’s reflection in the rear view mirror and then Baron beside her. “What if there’re two moles?”

Superhero slammed on the brakes, bringing the truck to a careening stop that had Mirth nearly emptying the contents of her stomach as she flew forward and nearly slammed into the back of their seat behind the wheel. Baron cursed, rubbing his head from where he had actually hit the seat in front of him.

“A little warning would’ve—”

“Then the courthouse isn’t safe either,” Superhero said at the same time, interrupting Baron’s snide remark.

“Then where are we supposed to go?” Mirth asked, rubbing her ribs from where the seat belt had pulled a little too taunt in its effort to prevent her from flying forward at Superhero’s sudden braking.

“I know a place,” Baron said quietly. “Just promise me it won’t violate the terms of my Rogue Trial?”

Superhero’s jaw visibly clenched. “Why would we need to promise that?”

“Oh please,” Baron shot back, “would you trust the system if you were in my position?” Superhero didn’t respond, and in their silence, Baron visibly tempered himself, slumping back in his seat and closing his eyed for a moment. “Let me drive, it’ll be easier that way.”

“No.” Superhero didn’t leave any room for argument, but Baron persisted.

“Look, we don’t have time to fight or for me to direct you to my last safe house, so just let me drive before Supervillain catches up to us.”

“And what makes you think they’re even—”

“Because what we just did? It’s a blow to their ego and they’re going to want to prove that they’re still on top of things, so unless you want to help prove that, let me drive.”

Begrudgingly, Superhero reached for the door handle and undid their seat belt. “Fine. But if I even suspect you’re leading us into a trap—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Baron said flippantly, “you’ll kill me.”

Mirth rolled her eyes. At least their pathetic squabbling hadn’t been impacted by Supervillain’s surprise attack on the safe house. And so much for their near deaths bringing them closer together. Resting her head against the window, she let her eyes fall shut again as Superhero sat in the passenger seat and Baron took the wheel.

Hopefully, Baron’s last-resort safe house actually proved to be secure and safe and they could take a breath before tackling just who the mole was—and how many there actually were.

Mirth’s Ebenezer Taglist: @heroes-villains-side-blog @selene-stories @violetcancerian @kaiwewi @averyconfusedhuman Just let me know if you’d like to be added or removed (no reason necessary!) You can also add yourself using this handy dandy form 😊

Part 15

[ceruleanmusings]

curve ball // inconsolable au

because @theblerdbox gave me the confidence to dive into writing more au ficlets/fics, this au happened. and that the last two paragraphs of stanley's "after cgl" section of his survival guide book when he talked about his life in high school exists. so thank you blerd and thank you louis sachar.

-------

Mickey sat at the top of the bleachers again.

It wasn't that he looked for her but, well, no one else was around so it was noticeable. She was noticeable. Even when she kept her head down, facing her drawn up knees where she doodled or did homework or something in the notebook she always had with her. She didn’t come every time, but every time she did he noticed.

Stanley messed with the brim of his cap, pulling it lower on his forehead, his curls puffing out from beneath it at all sides like a cloud. Though not quite like the light, fluffy ones dotting the blue sky above. People actually paid attention to those. Liked them, too.

Fidgeting with his hat again, he lowered the brim enough to block out the screaming glare of the sun. Unlike Zigzag who seemed to make it his mission to keep constant eye contact with the sun back in the outfield. Though he wasn’t alone in his idle distractions: Twitch gnawed on the excess lace of his glove as if attached to an infinite length of noodle and Barfbag lie back on the grass as if working on his tan. He may as well, they didn’t have much else to do while waiting for someone to get a hit.

So far all of X-Ray’s pitches hadn’t gone back to him, a feat he pointed out every time Magnet or Armpit whiffed with a loud guffaw followed up by some sort of taunt. Usually commenting how bored he is and if he wanted to give his one arm a workout he could just be spending his time at home. Squid stood quietly nearby, jaw working on the large wad of dark gum rolling in his mouth.

“We’re lookin’ at a power hitter.” Stanley nearly jumped when Hector spoke, even if his words were directed down towards the clipboard in his hands than up at him. They still commanded attention, only because words came so few and far between. Even though their tutoring sessions Stanley did most of the talking. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago Stanley knew Hector could speak at all. And that was to correct him on being referred to as Zero. The entire B-team bestowed each other with nicknames within a week after returning from a training camp. Judging by the stats collected in Hector’s small and tight handwriting, they would have benefited from less time ragging on one another instead. “Armpit’s good when he can land one, but otherwise...” Spelling and grammar may be difficult for him, but math and numbers all but poured out of his soul. They didn’t think twice putting him in charge of keeping track of stats, for them and their opponents.

Stanley nodded, going back to rubbing polish on the metal bat X-Ray insisted on using. There was nothing different about it compared to the others, though X-Ray claimed the bat length was just slightly shorter than the rest of the regulation ones handed out to their team, which meant his swing speed was superior than the others. If only that helped his lack of control on the hit. He could pitch well but he lacked when it came to landing hits in the right places, namely not directly into the opposing team’s gloves. His claims of his large glasses allowing him to see the field better than everyone else didn’t hold as much punch as it used to.

“C’mon man, let me have a turn,” Magnet said from where he leaned against the entrance to the dug off.

“Not until i get a hit,” Armpit replied, stomping his cleats into the dirt at the plate.

Magnet rolled his eyes. “So I’m never gonna get a shot then, huh?”

“Man, shut up.”

“Why don’t you give up? You’re never gonna get it. You’re always gonna strike out, like with that Tatiana chick.”

“Man, I told you to shut up!”

Magnet said something back in Spanish, which either wasn’t the right thing to say or Armpit just didn’t understand him; either way, the two ended up chest to chest within seconds, yelling in each other’s faces. Their coach could’ve intervened if their couch wasn’t passed out in his truck in the back parking lot. They didn’t have to check on him to see if that were actually they case, he was a coach in name only. The A-Team got the dedicated coach. The A-Team got everything, the better bus, the better jerseys, the better equipment, the school’s respect.

And the attention. Not that Stanley particularly wanted attention, he wouldn’t know what to do with it if he ever got it. People looked through him or past him so often it still surprised him if a teacher called on him in class. And attention from girls? That was a pipe dream. Besides, he didn’t even know what to do if one ever said ‘hi’ to him. They’d have to know he existed first.

“Bro, I’m takin’ a break,” Squid said, walking past X-Ray towards the stands. He spat out a long, thin stream of dark liquid as he went, the bulge in his cheek bouncing. X-Ray also left the mound, heading straight for Armpit and Magnet. Zigzag and Barfbag remained in the outfield but Twitch took off running, diving nearly headfirst into his bag once off the field to grab some sort of tubed candy. Not that he needed the extra energy.

“What do you think?” Hector’s large eyes bored into Stanley.

Stanley didn’t have a chance to ask about what—perhaps if they should forfeit the season before it even started?—when vibrating rumbles against the metal bleachers grabbed his attention and his breath lodged in his chest when he realized Mickey had descended and now stood nearby. She leaned against the fence, extending a gatorade in Squid’s direction, a half-open backpack hung off the crook of her elbow.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” he stated. The bite to his words softened a little due to the tiniest hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth when he took the bottle. He downed half of the bright blue liquid in two gulps.

“It’s not babysitting when you’re waiting on your ride,” she said.

Squid brushed the liquid running down his chin off with the back of his arm. “Speaking of, I gotta drop Zig off on the way back. That cool?”

“Fine. As long as he keeps his shoes on this time.”

“My car, my rules.”

Her head tilted back, amplifying her anguish. “Dude, I’m not drowning in boy stink again!”

Squid shrugged. “Open a window.”

“Your windows stick.”

“Well I’m sorry it’s not a horse-drawn carriage, Princess.”

“It’d smell better.”

A wicked gleam appeared in his eye. “Let’s compare.” Despite her shriek of protest, Squid lifted his arm and pulled Mickey’s face into the pit. “Yeah, get right up in there.”

“Oh my god, you’re so gross!”

Squid chuckled as she squirmed free, taking another big swig of gatorade just as the metallic smack of a ball vibrated across the field. Twitch dropped the bat by his feet and it rolled harmlessly away as the ball sailed through the air towards Barfbag’s position in the outfield. He jumped to his feet and shuffled backwards while Hector added new numbers to the chart on the paper he’d been keeping track of. Leave it to him to take even the practices into consideration. He certainly left no stone unturned.

Stanley lifted his eyes only to nearly drop X-Ray’s bat when they landed on Mickey only to see her looking back. Her face remained blank for a second, and then she blinked and she smiled. He turned, glancing over his shoulder, only to look back and see her eyes still on him, smile growing a touch wider, enough to carve dimples in her cheeks.

Air squeezing out his lungs, Stanley forced his eyes back to the filed just in time to watch Barfbag dive for the ball and end up crashing along the ground, head over heels.

The thudding of his heart against his chest jumped up, now sparked with a different kind of fear and something told him it had everything to do with Barfbag clutching his leg and Stanley was sure it wasn’t supposed to bend like that.

[donner-mathis-official]

(HI pretend that I'm sending this from @tldconvictdatingsim) do you have any Donner headcanons or just general thoughts abt him? if so, please share🤲 I'd love to hear them!

@tldconvictdatingsim you have given me such a gift I am going to go insane now I have been thinking about this through an entire day of airline hell.

First of all, I see Donner as being the youngest known Long Dark character. I usually put his age somewhere between 19 and 23 (Jace is a grad student, so she’s probably in her mid to late twenties). He’s got Issues, and doesn’t know how to feel about his dad coming to bust him out. I also think that pre-solitary Donner and any Donner we would see in the game’s time span are almost entirely different people. I won’t get into my views on prison as an institution because I don’t know enough about the Canadian penal system, but I am of the stance that solitary confinement is a form of torture. Donner is almost definitely not a new inmate at Blackrock, and has likely been in solitary for at least a few months. Even for someone who was in a good mental state going in, that would be rough. Donner definitely was not in a good mental state.

To me, Franklin’s comment that Donner is new-school, a different type of crime than Mathis, is very telling. The way I see it, Mathis is a career criminal like you see in movies and video games. I’m not sure if I would go so far as to say charismatic, but that’s certainly what he tries for. While it would be really funny if the fact that Donner is a more modern criminal meant he was a cryptobro or something, that’s definitely not it. When I was playing through it for the first time, my brain went to mass shooter pretty much immediately. Though honestly I think that what exactly he did doesn’t really matter a ton at the end of the day. I will say that I also think his trial was a huge media spectacle. He was a conventionally attractive young man who committed a major crime, and there is no small number of people who get really amped about that kind of stuff.

I think his relationship with his father is an interesting one. We know Mathis has spent a good amount of time in jail. I’d need to rewatch the cutscene where Heller and Vachon talk about Montréal, but I believe Heller refers to that incident as having occurred a few years prior. I think Mathis goes in and out of jail, and that’s sort of a blessing and a curse for Donner. On one hand, Mathis is very mercurial and explosive, meaning that when he’s angry, he’s enraged. That’s not really a good look on a parent, and it makes for a more relaxing time when the parent is not there. But also, we see that Mathis cares very deeply for his boy. He goes to nearly the end of the earth for him. So I’d imagine that, when not mad, he would be a very loving and supportive father. And while I do think that we see Mathis in a very high-strung, tense situation during the game, he strikes me as the type to find excuses to be tense, because if he slows down he might think of all the things he tries not to think about.

I think Donner’s mother is very distant if she’s present in his life at all, just because Mathis is so present, and his absence is felt so clearly that I think it just doesn’t make sense for his mother to also have that larger than life personality. Mathis likes to surround himself with followers (his in game description specifically says he likes to think of himself as a leader of men), and I don’t think he would be any different in searching for a romantic or sexual partner. So Donner’s mom really isn’t helping to blunt the effect of Mathis’s outbursts, or fill in the spaces he leaves when he’s gone. She’s at best just kind of there.

Donner’s upbringing taught him that there were two ways to get attention: either be clever and charming, or cause problems. Being charming is preferable because it doesn’t get you in trouble (and he’s seen the kind of trouble his dad gets into), but it doesn’t always work. Prior to solitary, he’s the kind of guy where most people who know him are like “but he’s so sweet!” and are horrified how he could do what he did, whatever it was. Someone particularly insightful might have seen the way he looked at people, analytical, and maybe understood a hint of what was lying beneath, but it would have been difficult. Unlike his father, I think Donner is very rigid, very put together. He saw the outbursts in his father and said “i won’t do that”, and so he’s this incredibly composed dude right up until he… isn’t.

After solitary, though, I think that changes. He loses some of the charisma, some of the ability to interact with others, but that comes with those walls coming down a bit, the tightly laced image of himself that he portrays loosening up a bit. Keeping up that kind of a front takes constant practice and adaptation and when you haven’t spoken to another person in months, you lose a lot of that. He comes across more like his dad, which I think he has really mixed feelings about. He tries to keep it together, but he can’t, and that upsets him more and makes a real nasty feedback loop.

Also I think he’s gay but super repressed and it freaks people out bc they’re like “a young man with no interest in women? That’s fucked up.”

[34goingon9]

Who Hurt Her Before She Knew She Was Hurt?

I talked about my childhood panic attacks before, and this post is an extension of that.

Moreover than the panic, I also had an embarrassing and uncontrollable tic as a child that would manifest as a result of a high emotional state- be it anxiety or even excitement. I would give myself an aggressive hug and use every ounce of strength my tiny arms could squeeze into my body..all while digging my teeth into the skin of my right arm and/or forcing my fist into my cheek. I would try my best to hide the extreme look of release of tension overtaking my face behind my limbs and turning my head while diverting my gaze (I imagine this to be the equivalent of a childhood the “Kim Kardashian ugly crying face” meme). Humiliated by this outburst that I could not stop, I would try to pretend I was just performing a giant stretch. Shockingly, my classmates and peers were much more astute than a neurodivergent kid would hope and based on the looks of that photo, it doesn’t appear I was as good of an actress or yoga instructor as I thought, either.

I do not know when this behavior began, or why this overwhelming need to self soothe would take over my tiny body like an exorcism. I do know it existed prior to my mom’s death, as not only evidenced by the date of this photo but also because of her frustration at how I would destroy my clothing when I would suppress the urge by chewing on the sleeves and drawstrings of all of my shirts and sweaters- the wet fabric chafing my chin and wrist, dehydrating the cotton, and putting holes in everything like an infestation of anxious, hungry moths after hours of feasting on end.

Furthermore, I talk about this arm biting -which is something reminiscent of The Lion King with Ed the Hyena savagely gnawing himself- like it’s past tense, yet it still exists in present day. And I still am dominated by this pervasive need for oral fixation via other outlets which I have unfortunately found in vapes over the years. Nonetheless, after countless attempts, I finally managed to kick that habit which was hellish and a feat to overcome considering it was often told to me how I would still incessantly use it even while sleeping. I am glad Freud is not my therapist to give me an interpretation on this one, though.

The decades of abuse on my wrist has literally left me with what has been adoringly referred to by my friends as my ‘werewolf patch.’ The skin is ever-dry and comparable to the hyde of an elephant in a famine in which the only thing that grows in this climate is a thick, discolored, brown dry grass much like a stubborn tumbleweed that forced its way through the arid terrain.

I still harbor my childhood insecurities to date whenever this tic takes over. It’s weird, I don’t even realize always when I’m doing it, the action is noticeable, it inflicts obvious injury, and most of all.. I have no idea why I started doing it in the first place-among various other peculiarities I have not all nearly mentioned, as many of which are difficult areas to revisit and discuss. I do know from not just my education but my own intuition that these behaviors -both individually and cumulative- are demonstrative of something larger that happened. An unknown traumatic event(s) that occurred before the onslaught of known traumas that began at age nine.

Until I am able to explore my inner psyche enough to answer that question, and if I choose to even try to ever access that part of my deep past or subconscious, I can choose to look at that photo in a way that reframes things to: “I love the similarities in mannerisms between me and my mom,” even if hers is an intentional and well controlled pose.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 109

Hammer of the Gods/Journey’s End

I have about an hour before I need to leave so I’m hoping I can get through spn in that time

“Hammer of the Gods”

Plot Description: Sam and Dean are held hostage by a group of gods who want to use them as bargaining chips to stop the apocalypse

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: If a god wanted to kill me, I’d just be dead, let’s be real

My first thought was “THIS is where Jerry Parks and Rec has a timeshare and frequents for vacation? Okaaay”

Don’t you think that you’d REALIZE EARLIER that this place is too good to be true? Especially if you’re the WINCHESTERS

Hmmmm, now Sam’s bleeding JUST A LITTLE from the neck like Dean was earlier

I don’t have enough knowledge of ALL the pantheons of the world to say NONE of the gods have ever eaten humans, but I don’t think it’s out of line to say that it feels offensive to make it seem like ALL of them do (at least all of the ones gathered here)

(IMDb break to find out the actress playing Kali. Wouldn’t mind being invested in her career)

Thisssss is why I kept wondering how I was thinking Gabriel was also Loki. But I don’t remember who this gets reconciled

“Next time I say let’s keep driving, let’s keep driving” “oh. Yeah. *NEXT* time” boys, you’re being so funny about the impending doom of planet earth

Did they just make an AVATAR (like James Cameron avatar) reference???

Gabriel you dumbass.

Wait. Excuse me???? Why are we…why are we all of a sudden in a Ghostfacers episode? Was that just supposed to be part of a commercial break? Amazing

Well shit. RIP Gabriel, I guess

“Primitive screwheads”?! Well fuck you very much, Dean

Oh shit. Welcome back Gabriel, I guess

Oh, Luci, buddy, you’re not lookin so good.

Hear me out…I know how it looks. I know the optics. But there is something that gets my heart going watching someone take out their enemies one by one with ease. In a vacuum, this is hot

Why…why is THIS the Todoroki family drama? “Dad liked you best, more than Michael, more than me, but then he brought the new baby home and you couldn’t handle it” honestly, Natsuo as Gabriel makes sense…

RIP Gabriel…for real this time. We got the wings…

Convenient that they already have two of the four keys they need for Lucifer’s cage

Ew ew ew I’d be kicking him out with a QUICKNESS. The physical embodiment of pestilence would not be able to get that close to me

“Been On My Mind…”: Dean tried to hit on Kali, but got shot down QUICK. 5?

“Journey’s End”

Plot Description: The entire universe is in danger as Davros and the Daleks activate their master plan

I’m glad I had good things happen earlier today and will be spending the rest of my evening watching a concert livestream because otherwise I’d lose the will to live watching this episode

MICKEYYYYY!!! AND JACKIEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Well that’s terrifying, why did those bullets stop? They’re in a time bubble?? Ok sure

I don’t like that this is the kind of interaction Donna and Jack get

The Daleks know German too?

Donna’s fluctuating self esteem is so real. She so often sees herself as “just a temp from Chiswick” but then will stand up to the Doctor about saving Pompeii and demanding salutes from high ranking members of UNIT and yelling at the rich over their treatment of the Ood. I love her

Truly, I don’t think I’d want to travel with the Doctor after this…getting trapped in the TARDIS and nearly incinerated inside it

One, that was a supremely stupid show of anger, Jack. But also like…he’s not DEAD dead, right??

This must have been a fun scene for them to film, the “oi watch it spaceman” “oi watch it earth girl”

I’m really confused about what Martha’s doing…

I did not expect to hear the Doctor tell Davros “we’re not doing the nostalgia tour.” Bud, I hate to break it to ya, but that’s exactly what I’m doing here

Wait……I love the way they either don’t explain shit or explain it so quickly that you’d have to listen to it more than once.

The Empire (Star Wars) WISHES they had what Davros has. The Death Star? Cute. Davros has a Reality Bomb

Martha, you don’t give Rose enough credit. SHE found the Doctor

Ok but so many of those people DIDN’T die…

Cool…glad we made a wholeass weapon and then it gets destroyed seconds before it gets used

ABSOLUTELY NOT LYING, I am laying on my bed crying and just saying “noooooo” over and over as Donna’s speech patterns get more and more like the Doctor’s. I’m so distraught

Hey. Hey. Hey. Isn’t “No More” also the name of the painting from the 50th anniversary special? I’m interested in the parallels between the Doctor and Dalek Khan

There’s no way this little trip back to the Milky Way wouldn’t have serious repercussions that would destroy all life on Earth, but also I know this isn’t that kind of show so I’ll let it slide

The whole Ten Too situation is so weird. New game. No more “would you fuck your own clone?” Now it’s “would you stand by and watch the person you’re in love with kiss your clone?”

No no no no no no nooooooooooooo I hate this part.

Oh. And Wilf’s heartbreak for her and everything she’s lost

You gotta love how both Donna and Wilf took the time to ask the Doctor who he’s got to travel with him now. Donna in her first appearance and Wilf just now