Tumgik
#and it’s killing me and i cannot stop crying
haveihitanerve · 2 days
Text
The interaction I believe, in my heart, happened between dick and Bruce before Bruce left to fight Jason in crime alley. “Bruce, if you're going to see Jason, I'm coming too. He’s going to mess with your mind. He already has, by forcing your meeting to be in Crime Alley. Please.” Dick was begging. Bruce shook his head. “I can’t let you come.” “Bruce!” Dick pleaded. “He will kill you.” Bruce shook his head. “Yes. He will. Dad please. Jason is- he is my brother and I love him but he may very well try to kill you!” Dick half screamed. Bruce sighed, turning to face his oldest. He placed a gentle hand on his son's cheek. Dicks lip began to tremble. “Chum, you need to stay here. You’re supposed to bury me anyways. I can’t-“ he stopped and took a deep breath, looking deeply into the eyes he knew so well. The eyes he had fallen in love with. The eyes that had pulled him out of his misery. They were filled with tears. “I can’t lose another son. And Gotham needs her Batman.” Dick inhaled sharply. “You think he’ll kill you.” He whispered. Bruce winced. “It is a very real possibility. I cannot rule it out. But I can forbid you from coming. Chum,” Bruce pulled his son closer. “If he does, I want you to promise me you’ll let him live.” Dick shook his head, eyes pained. “You’ll let him kill you.” He whispered. “Won’t you? You won’t even fight. You’ll just let him kill you. For what Bruce? So that he feels better about himself? So that he’s happy when he finally kills the man who couldn’t save him? No! I don’t- he doesn’t get to decide that!” “But I do.” Bruce spoke softly. Dick shook his head, tears threatening his eyes. “No! No you don't get to do this to me!!! I lost my parents once and I won’t have it happen again! I will not let you go Bruce! Please dad! Please!!!!” But Bruce was moving, walking to the door, his cowl already slipped over his head. “No. No no. No no. No please. Please dad please.” Dick crawled after him. “Please please please please please!” Bruce stopped, closing his eyes. A single tear slid down his cheek as he turned and knelt for his son. “You were always my favorite Robin. You will always be my Robin. You are the reason I am alive today. You were my reason for the twelve years we have been granted together. I will forever be thankful that you allowed me to become your father. I love you Richard Robin Grayson-Wayne.” And he pressed a single kiss on his son's forehead. Dick was crying silently. “Please.” He whispered. “Goodbye.” Bruce whispered back.
27 notes · View notes
skaterflz · 2 years
Text
i finished 91w and i’m sobbing just full force and the worst part is they come back to each other and can’t ever be TRULY together and it breaks me it breaks me to my very soul and this fic is going to be rattling in my skull for the next month and they still love each other they still can’t stop loving each other after everything that happened, after the fights and the abandonment and the fear and the war altogether, they loved each STILL no matter how fucked up they were in the end, it was all worth it as long as they had each other
0 notes
Text
ohhhhmygod im gonna be sick. actually nauseous and i did it to myself - there was a spider on the countertop and i Panicked, grabbing the first distance-killer i could grab. it was a grease cleaner spray. i buried it in the stuff, walked away to recover mentally, came back
it fucking fell apart and dissolved into the cleaner. i both feel horrible and im disgusted beyond words. how the fuck do i get rid of it
#slamming my face into a wall repeatedly#i cant leave it there to deal with after Sleep#bc my cats like to go onto the countertops when no one is looking#and i dont want either of them to get poisoned#but i cant rinse it into the sink with the faucet hose bc there's stuff in the sink#but idk if i can bring myself to do dishes with That next to me#and my fear of spiders is so intense that i Cannot get close enough to take care of it with a towel or somethin#im very good at fucking myself over in various ways!#if i had an appetite id lose it. permanently#what if! instead of dealing with it! i curl up in a corner and cry#except im not gonna do that ive filled my tears quota for the year & doing nothing wont help anything#sorry for venting again i just. ohhhhh this is horrible this is Terrible#if i still had my whacking stick id tape a big wad of paper towels to the end and clean the mess up that way#from a Distance!#absolutely unprompted#i wish i wasnt so terrified of spiders#they scare me So much....#the point of feeling physically ill! and like sobbing! or panicking! and this spider was Big!#i wish they'd stop coming into the house.... i hate killing them but i cant function knowing theyre there#but i can't force myself close enough to put them in a cup and bring them outside#so now i have THAT on my counter. disintegrated spider.#life is too fucking much lately... jesus.... i should really just bite the bullet and get this shit over with#no use waiting a month in perpetual terror unease and guilt. do it scared yk yk#im tired of my chest hurting and not being able to eat! i dont like it! i need change! terrifying horrible change!
63 notes · View notes
lampylamperson · 4 months
Text
I hate babies crying
I hate it I hate it I hate it k hate it I hate it I hate it
Stop crying,I can’t take it,your to loud
Stop please
Make the noise stop.
8 notes · View notes
widevibratobitch · 27 days
Text
.
#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
2 notes · View notes
minarcana · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
#ok guess what fuckers youre going to be on another tag ramble adventure with me#ive been afflicted with the same images in my brain tumbling around and the only way to free my brain is to write them out#and anyways i have been contemplating wol au uri for a bit due to various reasons (he came up and then i got this image and couldnt be free#shb with uri as the wol is. after killing vauthry. he is SO fucked up that raha STILL wont just let him die#he was supposed to have raha send him to the rift with the light and let him die there but now that he cant stop him rahas taking it himsel#and theres the whole. 'no we really cannot have the wol die.' thing.#that makes it infinitely worse to uri. him just yelling through blood to let him die! let him have his turn! he WANTS to die!#the idea of bring told that the wol CANT die makes it so much more unfair to him#'you wouldnt know what to do if i died? i didnt know what to do for years after louisoux died! i still dont know what to do without moenbry#da! papalymo can sacrifice himself and everyone adapts! shtola has thrown herself to the lifestream twice! minfilia died! i had to stay sil#ent and let ryne choose her own path if she died or not! i cant tell people that i would be lost yet everyone gets to tell ME that?#do you think i am better than them do you think them worth less why do they have the right to die and i do not!'#he is SO SO SO much worse as a wol and it falls out in one outburst after hes quizzed as to why he thought he could sacrifice himself#but he also realizes that its really fucked up to say that aloud so yknow. yknow what. yknow.#hell bottle up all his feelings and then one day hell either die or start crying and it looks like he aint allowed to die!#he still takes the aid from ardbert at amaurot with the statement that#'if i dont try and save who i might then ill never be able to face moenbryda'#anyways cannot stop thinking about me giving uri the echo like 'this will be funny!' and hes just 'my life has become infinitely worse'#HEAD IN MY HANDS
10 notes · View notes
miseries-mistress · 1 year
Text
i just finished watching the third hobbit movie...
THEY KILLED MY BABYGIRL KILI 😭😭😭
tears are running down my face, snot is everywhere, im throwing up and shitting at the same time, i physically can't do this.
i wasn't prepared in the slightest, i didn't think that they would ACTUALLY KILL HIM 😟
i am distraught beyond belief.
16 notes · View notes
strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
Text
ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid
Tumblr media
#mine#🎸#why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck#me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once#crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!!#i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either.#bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating#me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know#ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions#why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why#im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate#me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we#be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou#maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and#my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant#we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts#my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know#i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good#the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!!#my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post#is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably#this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while#it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them
8 notes · View notes
kraniumet · 1 year
Text
[imagine a spiral emoji] <- started thinking about the nhk ni youkoso boat non-suicide scene
6 notes · View notes
carcrashcockrash · 1 year
Text
auuggghg wauughh im dying from a deadly diseas. its called ate pizza and macdonalds and soy all in one day disease an d symptoms include exploding. u mgiht want to step back brother
#figjting for my life on the toilet rn you have no idea#it seemed like such a good idea. it seemed like such a good idea.#the pizza. that was like 12 hours ago at this point. and you know i could feel it but i was ok. you know.#same goes for macdonalds. ok sure mcflurry and nuggets and a few fries floatin around in there for like 8 hrs. but it was fine. i was fine.#i get home just before 11pm right. sleepy guy. nap on the couch for an hour. i should have gone to bed. but no.#my hubris. my desire for prawn fried rice. i simply had to have it.#looking back i can see how the universe tried to stop me. no onions. no sesame oil. but i pushed on. i was determined.#i have onion powder. i have peanut oil. you cannot stop me. the battle cry has sounded. the war has begun.#whisk and cook the egg. chop chop chop the bacon and fry with the prawn and garlic. add spices. veggies. and of course rice#add the substitute peanut oil. a... generous amount of oyster sauce. its good. and of course how could we forget the soy sauce#ha. ha ha ha. hahahaahaha. ha. god.#glug glug glug. tipping the nearly-empty bottle of costco soy sauce upside-down into the wok. hissssss#mix mix mix. taste test. adjust a little. shame about the onion but otherwise good. cant wait to eat a bowl.#scoop scoop scoop. fried rice in a bowl. sit and play some turf war while it cools. eat eat eat. listen to sci guys podcast. life is good.#perhaps it would have been fine if it had ended here. my decisions would not have been without consequence but they would be bearable.#it did not end there.#another bowl. another mistake. ingesting more and more soy. gorging myself upon the garden of eden. wrath was fast approaching#i dont know if i really need to explain this next part. to be honest. i think you can probably guess. the pain. the shartblasting. you know#anyway it took me so long to write these tags that im actually mostly fine now and in bed with a kitty so life is good#tomorrow i will eat even more fried rice and maybe even buy that one chocolate soy milk even though it kills me but it tastes sooo good#i will never learn my lesson ever amen#mine#wow long tags. hiiiii if u read all this
14 notes · View notes
newvision · 11 months
Text
something about Will biting Cordell’s face off and IMMEDIATELY looking at Hannibal to see if he’s proud hey god it’s me again
4 notes · View notes
Text
me: *remembers my 5 yr anniversary with james is coming up next week*
me, instantly:
Tumblr media Tumblr media
2 notes · View notes
readymades2002 · 2 years
Text
i wish i had a way to talk through things with another person but the only people i see in real life i live with and every time i have actually opened up about how i’m feeling it has gone incredibly badly, in part because i’ve isolated myself so far from human beings that i don’t think i’m able to feel or express things in a human way. so i’ve stopped trying to do it.
#i've discussed my art with my mom more recently but in the vaguest terms because i'm always ashamed of how shit it is#and that it is of course usually some embarrassing media thing and she tries to show interest but i can't be honest about it#when i get passionate about things...when i've done it before i look up at the other person while im talking#and i can see them slipping out of my reach and its like being untethered in space so i dont anymore#that or i actually communicate my needs or what is hurting me honestly and then have it used against me or someone else#i talk to people but it is all this like. meaningless chatter that makes me grit my teeth how much its just a courtesy#i cannot relate to human beings with jobs and lives and experiences and friends and skills and so i'm alone here#and i end up crying on here every few hours because disconnecting would be a death sentence but keeping it all inside of me#would fucking kill me and it just. im not reliable enough or warm enough or brave enough to even message people one on one#in a way that means im a meaningful part of anyone's life so its just. yelling in the post editor i go and pretend it helps#i dont want to word it but it is really really deeply terrifying to me how bad its gotten. i really can't imagine a way out of this#i don't think anyone i live with does it maliciously but it feels like i'm being handled like an irritating animal all the time#not like a person. not like an adult.#i dont know. i feel like i have interesting insights into the world and the things i like. i feel like theres so much beauty#i want to show other people to try and express my love because i can't do it in words or gestures#and i feel like it could be so beautiful if i was just understood. if i could just be#i have to stop talking about this now im sorry
2 notes · View notes
soupicore · 2 years
Text
i hate summer bc i’ve had my worst experiences during summer, my worst days, i’ve been depressed every summer since forever, this is the first summer i’ll be working full time and it’s the only reason i’m not crying on my bed like every other summer of my life.
4 notes · View notes
Text
Ohhhh yeah ok that cements it deleting that post LOL
1 note · View note
alymccart · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[Click image > right click > "open image in new tab" for higher res]
Alright, uh. Screw it. Let's dust off this account. I was embarrassed about even drawing this, and especially about sharing it publicly, but I'm slapping it up here. Why not. Been extremely burnt out lately, doing art professionally has pretty much killed my desire to do art for the sake of enjoying it (sorry, fans of my dead comic). Mental health has been shoddy. Actual health is eh, as well. I've been too busy to really think and have been so guilty about there being so much stuff to do in my life still that I haven't really afforded myself time to relax or unwind. My enthusiasm for anything has been in the dumps for years. I don't think I've drawn more than a handful of fanart pieces in over a decade (what you see on here is pretty much it), and I've certainly never drawn something like... this. Obviously, I watched Hazbin finally (didn't even realize the show was an actual thing now, though I did love the pilot eons ago; I don't tend to traverse into fandom discussion and discourse so I've been out of the loop). I'm actually nearing double-digit rewatches... and the OST has been on repeat for weeks. Well animated, beautifully written adult cartoons? I'm here for it. Musicals? Oh yeeahhhhh! A well animated, beautifully written adult cartoon that is also a musical??? *teakettle noises*
I'm ace as hell, but wholesome, loving, devoted relationships like this in fiction seem to hit me right at my core. I also cry at heartwarming videos and movies, but that's beside the point... I just... hrrrnnnnggg... Charlie and Vaggie's relationship has SENT ME. It has an iron grip on my soul and I cannot stop it. I feel like i'm 14 years old again. I want to write fanfiction. Is it 2004?? Where am I????? What the fffffasdfasfagghfgfjhdd????????!!!! Aannnyyyyywayyyy.... This art gave me stomach butterflies the entire time I worked on it, as well as an immense amount of joy, and I really hope this can maybe do that for others. And I still have... so many ideas........ so many....
2K notes · View notes