#and it's crazy how the lyrics made me cry the first time i realised

[onadaanparindey]

jag ne chheena mujhse, 

mujhe jo bhi laga pyaara;

sab jeeta kiye mujhse, 

mei har dum hi hara. 

tum haar ke dil apna, 

meri jeet amar kardo.

[esparafuso]

Monday, November 7th, 2022

Dear Diary, where do I even begin. Perhaps saying I still can't believe I saw my favourite band performing live for the first time.

I'm an anxious person and shows always seemed so far away from me, from where I lived and from what I thought I'd have the guts of attending. If it wasn't for my friend Lya (@/sorethpid) I'd perhaps still be dreaming about how cool it would be if I lived the same experience I keep seeing others have for years and years.

In an impulse, we bought tickets for Primavera Sound 2022 happening in São Paulo. It wasn't cheap, but both of us had savings and were crazy enough to spend it on a ticket and flight tickets and a hotel room.

We live in different states, so it was thrilling to meet her again (third time personally), as we met on the internet 6 years ago here on tumblr, two artists drawing Arctic Monkeys fanart and rambling to the other about our favourite things about them, and our favourite album, and how much we wish we had the chance of hearing them live.

It happened on Saturday, November 5th. Her first festival, my first show ever in life, we got to the place and tried to keep it cool among all the stylish people around. It was okay though, we were just happy to be there. We decided to buy two donuts (we admittedly didn't plan food very well, too anxious to get to the place already) and after a couple stops we headed to the stage to take a look, but decided to stay there already when we saw the narrow place and the realisation that soon the whole thing would be packed w ppl hit us (later on, we saw we would better had stopped by a nearby bathroom for Lya, but okay)

The gig would start at 10pm, and we were there at 4:30pm. We got to know the music of a sweet artist called Helado Negro, which we supported and danced along even not knowing the lyrics. One hour and a half break, and then came Interpol. I personally didn't listen to the band much, but they kicked ass and made everyone super pumped and jumpy (myself included). Another one hour and a half before AM.

Gigs aren't kind to shorter ppl, we learned that. We tried our best to adjust and see the stage (which was actually way closer than we expected to get) and managed with some struggle. Our boots were also a literal pain, and I don't remember feeling my feet hurting this bad in my life, to the point I had to keep dancing to keep the pain manageable - only forgotten when an artist was performing. Especially the ones we were dying to see more.

Seeing the stage being set up made us already excited. Matt's golden drumkit, Nick's bass, Alex's and Jamie's guitars going through the soundproof, curtains being set on the back of the stage - we saw THREE regular sized disco balls being brought up when Interpol's stage was being set, and we knew who they belonged to, and yet they didn't make it to the final thing for AM.

After 3 false alarms, here they come. Screams ringing in my ear, I saw those four men (plus two) walk into my sight of vision and I can't even describe how I felt. They quickly assumed positions and the heavy synth of Sculptures resonated from the speakers - the The Car song we were more hopeful they would perform (we didn't even know they had played it before in Rio).

the photos really aren't the strongest bcs of how overwhelmed I was and the little space in my phone (another thing I forgot to prepare properly, like an idiot)... some recordings didn't go through, like Potion approaching, which made me sad but at least I got some :'D

I wish I could put here what my eyes saw, because I could see their FACIAL FEATURES from where I was, which was unbelievable close in my book. I managed to save the recording of Pretty Visitors, really hoping to get my beloved Agile Beast's crazy good drumming

I recorded another for Do Me a Favour, my favourite Arctic Monkeys song, where I kept shaking from crying but can't upload here pls of Tumblr's limit of videos in a post.

The whole time I sang and danced and screamed and cried, I just kept repeating in my head that they were real people, they existed, they weren't a fever dream or a gif or a video I saw on the internet, they were living humans right in front of me, and up until now I can't wrap my head around the fact I stood so close to them. I listened to them sing and play a few meters away from me, I could feel Matt's drums resonating in my heart, I saw Nick on the side looking SO soft, Jamie being the closest one, doing his little quirks and hops, Alex singing and dancing and. being a goofie, Matt playing and singing and making me absolutely lose it.

Even now typing all this makes me cry becasue I know I will never forget this experience. I just love and appreciate this band so much. I'm not the fan that knows all the lyrics of ALL songs yet, and I don't have their physical merch and albums, and this was only the first time I saw them live, but they hold a very special and meaningful place in my life that I will never forget.

The crowd overall was amazing, we sang everything they put out, screamed our lungs out and clapped and threw our hands in the air and pleaded them to come back. They waved to everyone and Alex threw us many kisses, and I hope they enjoyed their night as much as we basked in their presence.

Leaving the festival was very difficult due to bad logistics, my feet were incredibly sore, it was super cold outside and hundreds of ppl couldn't get a ride back home for the life of us - but we managed. And even then, when we arrived at the hotel, the only memory in our minds was their presence and their music still buzzing in our heads and hearts.

I hope we will have the chance of going to another one - we sure are thirsty for more now that we saw that it IS possible to see them live - but until then: Thank you Monkeys for this unforgettable night, and for existing and making us feel such strong emotions with your amazing music and journey as a band overall.

P.s.: thank you also whoever recorded the gig properly, because then we can see everything we lived in another, high definition angle, for the rest of our lives.

[siobhanhawthorne]

I haven't made an actual post that wasn't a reblog in a queue in almost ten years? But @bi-bats tagged me so I had to change that!

name: Amandine but Siobhan on the Internet because it's much prettier

pronouns: she/her

where do you call home: south of France (unfortunatelly)(help me, we need to cancel summer)

favorite animal: in the wild, wolves; to live with, cats 💖

cereal of choice: a good old porridge with fruits, almonds and hazelnuts (I am 86 years old inside)

visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner: eeer depends on what I'm learning? But I guess mostly kinesthetic then visual then auditory

first pet: a gorgeous cat named Speedy who had so much Maine Coon in him it was crazy; the guy actually had some kittens with a neighbour's cat, spent a while there to look after the kittens while the Mrs took a break, and once they were old enough, brought all of them home to show them off (he was an amazing cat dad)

favorite scent: most foods

do you believe in astrology: nope, I'm more on the "down to earth" side (see what I did there?)

how many playlists on spotify/apple music: I feel so old answering this but I use neither of those, I usually buy my albums digitally and listen to them offline, plus I rarely make playlists but I made one a couple days ago with just the songs with lyrics from the season 3 of The Witcher

sharpies or highlighters: highlighters

songs that make you cry: Never Let me Down Again by Jessica Mazin; Enchanted Flowers by Joey Batey, Joseph Trapanese, feat. Percival Schuttenbach; Let Her Go by Passenger (links to YouTube)

songs that make you happy: suddenly realising that it's so difficult for me to find some because apparently I tend to go for songs that make me either sad or angry?? That's Alright by Laura Mvula; It's Raining Them by Mila Jam; Photosynthesis by Frank Turner (and so many of his other songs) and it's pretty niche but Ar vuhez ? by War-sav

do you write/draw/create: I used to write but haven't in so, so many years, I hope to find the time and energy to start again soon! Otherwise I crochet and embroider stuff

I'm tagging anyone that might be interested in doing this, maybe @sergeisilence if you feel like it?

[learningnewways]

Israel - Day 8

Today was the final day of our Israel guided tour. I can’t believe it’s the end already! Some days it felt like the tour would never end, thanks to John never slowing down for a second! But these past final days in Jerusalem have gone really quickly.

We always start by singing the same song on the bus each day which is quite fun and of course today was the last time! Here’s the lyrics for my memory: “Oh the suns coming up, on a bright new day, and you maybe wonder why, I’ve been feeling this way. Yeah I’m felling good, and I’m feeling alright, cause the Lord took my life and He filled it with His ever-loving light.” Pretty cheesy, I know!

We started the day by visiting the Garden Tomb, which is a site that visually represents the site of Jesus’ crucifixion and burial better than the Church of the Holy Sepulchre from yesterday. It was really helpful and made it easier to picture in real life. As John said yesterday, “we worship the person not the place.” We had communion together as a group and sung some worship songs on the garden which was really nice. One of my favourite worship songs is Build My Life by Pat Barrett and it was special to be able to sing that in Israel.

Our guide talked about how as we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. You don’t have to physically come to Israel to be closer to God, but I think there is something special about being in the land where the Bible is set, and where Jesus ministered. Although I don’t feel like I’ve had any big lightbulb or life changing moments spiritually on this trip, I’ve still learnt a lot and I think all little learnings and cool moments will add up. I think I’ll look back and see what I’ve learnt. It’s hard to see it now in the busyness of it all really.

During our communion and worship, I was reminded of how crazy my past two years has been, and I am so grateful to God for how He has brought me through it and provided for me. My life looked so different two years ago, even one year ago. I remember being so afraid and crying out to God from my lonely bed so many times, wondering if He still loved me and would use me. It still shocks me how gracious God is and how He truly does use us all the more in our failings and weakness. I have been broken down and re-moulded, I’m the clay and He is the great Potter. Now here I am, in Israel, two weeks in to my 6 month, totally God-orchestrated world trip... I still can’t quite believe how awesome God is...

Another thing I loved about today’s time at the Garden Tomb and just in general on this trip, is the realisation from the Gospels that, “He is not here, for He is risen.” It was on the wall in the Cave Church in Egypt too. And it’s true! Jesus isn’t in Israel, He’s risen! He is with me now in Israel, just like He was with me in Egypt, as He was with me in Singapore and the USA years ago, how He is with me in New Zealand, will be with me in The Gambia, and everywhere I go, every day of my life. How incredible it is to know that. Now I just need to actually believe it and not forget!

After the Garden Tomb, we went to the Israel Museum, where we saw a 1:50 scale of what Jerusalem would have looked like before it’s destruction in 70AD. It was so cool to see all the places we’d been and get a feel for the orientation as well as what it would’ve looked like in Jesus’ day. Inside the museum we saw actual sections of the Dead Sea Scrolls, which was amazing as we’d been to the place they were discovered in the Qumran caves a few days ago, so that brought it all together. I didn’t realise that they recovered parts of every single book of the Old Testament in the Dead Sea Scrolls, other than Esther... It’s pretty incredible really. And Esther is also one of only two books in the Bible not to mention the name of God, along with the Song of Songs... Interesting stuff...

We stopped for lunch, then visited a church called Christ Church, pretty cool name right! Apparently it was the first Protestant Church in the Middle East. There’s supposedly a tunnel that goes from the church site to the Temple Mount, but they aren’t going to excavate it anytime soon. We sung another few worship songs in there which was nice, old churches always have great acoustics too!

The final thing we did was the Rampart Walk, which is where you walk on the Old City walls of Jerusalem! It was so cool! We only went from the Jaffa Gate to the Damascus Gate, but it was still awesome to be up higher than the city, looking in to peoples homes, schools and businesses. I think you can walk around most of the wall, but obviously not the Temple Mount. We popped into the Muslim Quarter and walked around the shops, with some stopping to buy some spices. After that we headed back to the hotel so the group could get their bags and head to the airport.

It is strange that I’ve just spent the past eight days exploring Israel with a group of awesome people I will probably never see again... It would have been great to have a debrief night or something where everyone could share what we learnt or what our takeaways were... Once again, the schedule was too jam-packed for that unfortunately. I’m looking forward to the Kenya trip with the young adults from my church at the end of the year, as we’ll get to experience it all together and will forever have that bond and understanding of each other, which is super special. 

As I mentioned before, I still need to reflect on what I’ve learnt and experienced during my time in Israel. This blog has been great to pop down some thoughts and of course to keep a record of all the activities we’ve done, but I’ll need to think more deeply about what’s been happening inside of me. Maybe that doesn’t need to be shared on the blog... Tomorrow is my mum and I’s final day in Jerusalem before we go to Jordan. We’re hoping to try get to the Temple Mount if we’re allowed and just chill out a bit more. I also have some business admin to do before we leave, so it should be a relaxed day.

[hongjoongtrasher]

ATEEZ FINAL PART : when they said something to hurt you.

I'm glad you've liked the previous part (part 1 and 2 here if you haven't read it yet), so here is a final to all this angsty reactions (if it is a reaction). Sorry if there are a lot of grammar errors, English not being my mother tongue -

Gosh this is going to be LONG please, bear with me ugh.

Hongjoong:

After this stormy episode of him totally lashing his stress out on you, he spent some time alone to think and reflect upon his trashy behaviour. He was genuinely aware of the massive efforts you were doing for his ass. Literally be patient and taking everything on you so he didn't have to feel more stressed. But today was different. He obviously went too far, saying those words horribly. Furthermore, he knew how hurt you've been because of him and now he didn't really know how to be forgiven. He always have been busy, always considering his work first and thought you were in an equal part of this, but seems he considered you taken for granted. The leader sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes not seeing any solutions at the moment. It's at this moment that Seonghwa entered the place. "Erm...Joong ?" he didn't answer, only Seonghwa could see how much his leader was in distress. "I heard from Y/N, mh I mean she told San who told me but anyway-" began the oldest before Hongjoong asked simply: "Have you come to scold me ?" A silence then. "No, I came to check on you." Seonghwa was always worried about his leader, since he knew the best how hardworking and diligent Hongjoong was, but today he felt like he was wrong. "You've acted like a real idiot this time" Hongjoong let a sarcastic laugh be heard as he slowly turned to face his friend. "Yeah, I know. Do you think she will forgive me ?" "Probably not easily." he answered honestly before continuing. "She told San she was tired of this, always being a shadow to you, erm...and nowadays she's been really stressed at work" A shadow ? Is this how you were seeing yourself as ? And on top of that, he was completely unaware of your work, how life has been going for you. This made the leader felt more guilty as he bite his lips. "So...What should I do ? Kneeling and beg her for forgiveness ?" Seonghwa sighed and put a comforting hand on the leader shoulder. "Sometimes actions are better than words".

And he left the studio, putting Hongjoong in a more difficult situation than he was already. What did he mean ? He thought about it again and again, watching without really watching his screen before it tilted inside his head. "THE SONG !!" he yelled at himself, feeling now very dumb. He had almost forgotten this track, a very secret one he composed for a long time. This song was special for him, it was a song which were written for you, and was conveying all of his feelings. He had to make you listen to this. A glance at his phone indicated it was already 3am in the morning, but sleep could wait. He spent the rest of the night finishing this track, or actually checking it before he saved a copy and directly sent it to you, praying you'd see it in the morning.

You'd spent the most horrible night of your life. Crying and turning under your blanket as you felt useless, no one. San proposed to come with Yunho, but you insisted to be alone, so they let you be, though they were worried. You only found sleep around two in the morning, tired for having crying most of the night. You woke up at six, your eyes hurting, puffy and red as fuck. Anyone could tell you've cried your eyeballs out. First you went to the bathroom to clean your face with cold water, your stuffy nose not helping in the process. After a while you returned to your bedroom and took your phone, not expecting to see a message from your boyfriend, or was he still yours ? At first you hesitated to open it, but finally did. No text, just an audio file. What was this ? Taking your headphone, you put them into your ear before clicking on the file, closing your eyes. At first, you were confused. You've never heard any melody like this one, so...calm, bubbly and soft. Soon Hongjoong's voice appeared with lyrics he surely had written and...you broke in tears again. This time not from sadness, but ...it was like a dream. You could heard his feelings, how much he loved you. You were ready to forgive him, but...it wasn't easy. Reconciliations were always difficult for both of you. Brushing this instantly aside, you rushed out from your apartment for going directly to Hongjoong's studio, in home wear, messy hair and "after crying faced" only to find him asleep on the couch. Panting, you rushed to jump on your boyfriend, sobbing again . This caused Hongjoong to wake up in surprise, confused. "Y-Y/N ?" why ? Why were you crying again ? After a while of you crying heavily on his shirt, he realised you probably came after hearing his song. His arms softly hooked around your tiny waist as one hand rubbed your back. "Shh...don't cry" he said, heartbroken to see you like this. "You dummy !" you yelled between two sobs. "I know." "I - I love you" "Me too, I'm sorry for being a huge dummy" he said with a gentle smile, holding your face to wipe your tears.

Seonghwa:

How rude he's been with you. It's only after hearing your answer that he realised you didn't deserve this. He wanted to chase after you, saying he was sorry, but too late, you slammed the door. Hongjoong came to their shared room before leaning at the door's frame, arching a brow at the oldest. "Can you explain to me what did just happen ?" he asked calmly before Seonghwa bite his lower tier. "I've been a jerk with her" he mumbled, not proud of himself this time. "Yeah, we saw this. You know, she only wanted to cheer you up. We all know you're having bad times because of vocal things, but you didn't have to lash out on her." His leader wasn't wrong, only himself was. "Hwa, go after her. It's not too late" said Hongjoong. "Now ?" Hongjoong sighed. "Yes now, not tomorrow or later" Seonghwa blinked, overthinking before his own body stood up and carried him outside the dorm, chasing after you desperately. He shouldn't have had been this way, he should have been thankful to have you by his side, always being cheerful and bright although sometimes you were hiding your own demons. But being a couple meant for the good and the worst right ? After running for a while, he stopped, panting his lungs on fire. He started to think. Where could you be now ? He remembered when you were sad or stressed, you used to go to Starbucks and get a drink full of sugar and whipped cream, that's how he thought you'd at the nearest one. Not minding people watching him when he opened the door, he eyed the room quickly before seeing you at the table across the entrance. He stepped inside and directly went to your seat as you were still sniffing with tears, your drink between your hands. Not expecting to see your boyfriend, you gasped when you finally realised he was standing here without saying anything. "Y/N.." You tried to gain composure, not wanting to appear fragile in front of him. "What are you doing here ? I thought you didn't want to see me" you croaked, looking away coldly. You heard him sitting before you and took your cold hands. "Y/N I'm sorry. I've been a jerk, you didn't deserve this- I know my work isn't an excuse for acting this way, I understand if you don't want to talk to me or-" "Shut up..." you mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed as more people were staring at you two. "I will do everything for you to forgive me, really." he said seriously, not quitting your face from his gaze. Some people were whispering and gossiping, and the more they did, the more you felt ridiculous. You stood up quickly and went straight to the exit with your double cold latte with whipped cream, your boyfriend following you closely. "Are you crazy Park Seonghwa ??? Did you forget you're an idole ? Huh ?? What are you going to do if they recognise you ?" You began to yell but Seonghwa stopped you by taking your free hand and said clearly. "Then I will just say you're my girlfriend and that I don't care, cause you deserve way more than this. Beside being an idole I'm a man, and I love you, there's nothing wrong with this, and if they don't like it, screw them !" you were shocked by his fearless answer, and you felt your heart melt again. You were definitely madly in love with him.

Yeosang:

He was aware of his jerk attitude, and as much as he felt guilty, he didn't know how to ask for your forgiveness. The members already scolded him for what he had said earlier but he knew better than anyone that you weren't ready to talk with. You were the type to be angry for a while, not letting space for any peaceful conversation until you'd calm down. He overthought for a while, thinking you'd probably dump him now and he wouldn't see you ever again, or you'd be so mad at him you'd just beat his ass. Tormented, Yunho looked at his friend before saying, not really sure to mingle in his friend's love problems: "Yeosang, I'm not sure about her being mad, I think she's ...sad ?" he said cautiously, nervous about Yeosang's answer. Sad ? He was really dumb. Of course you'd not be mad, or at least not as much as sad. After all he saw you crying when you left, and his motto was all ruined at this moment. "You're right...I should go see her." he said flatly, feeling really bad. "Huh, yeah I don't even understand why you're still here to be honest" said Yunho with a smile. Thanks to him, Yeosang found the courage to go to your apartment, with your favorite pastry from the bakery you both liked to go, and...flowers. Yeosang wasn't the type to make such lovey dovey stuffs, but this time it was important. Inhaling deeply in front of your door, he knocked once, shyly, not sure if you'd hear it. Then he knocked more frankly before hearing footsteps from behind the door and before he knew it, you were standing in front of him as much surprised as he was. "...What are you doing here ?" you asked, rather coldly. He cleared his throat before handling you shyly the flowers. "I...I came to apologise. I've been a real jerk to you earlier...I even promised myself I'd never make you cry, but I failed miserably" he said in a go, probably too embarrassed to say it confidently. There is a silence, as you fix your eyes on your shy boyfriend. Suddenly you wanted to laugh. How laughable it was to see Yeosang acts like he never did before. You can't bear it anymore and just burst out of laugh, laughing so much that you have to hold your hurting belly. Visibly confused, Yeosang frowned a bit. Why were you laughing ? "Oh my god...You're really something else" you said, calming down slowly before taking the flowers. He suddenly lifted his head in hope. "Does it mean you're forgiving me ?" You faked you're still thinking about it, humming in an exaggerate way. "Well, only if you let me eat this" you nudged your chin to the box he was carrying and which you spotted immediately before he gave you the flower. He smiled and shook his head. "Alright, it's all for you then"

San:

He had definitely crossed a line he shouldn't had. After you slammed the door at his nose, he tried to make you open it for a while, but you never opened it again. So he left, defeated. It was supposed to be a romantic moment for both of you since a while, and yet he ruined everything with his mouth. Sometimes he wished he just could rewind and change every thing. Even if he didn't like the dress, he could have accepted it since you were happy, but his selfishness and jealousy got over it and now he was alone, in his car without you. He took his phone, sending you texts. "Babe, I'm sorry, please, you know I didn't really mean it right ?" or "Please answer me, I'm really sorry." etc, but you didn't even open them since they were still on sent. Instead of going back to his dorm, he tried to call you this time. On the fifth time, he let a voice mail, taking a long breath before the beep. "Y/N, I'm really sorry, I didn't want to ruin our date like this, or just ruin it at all. The truth is...you were so pretty in this dress, so sexy that I don't want other men to see you in this, I wanted to be the only one to see you with. You're not a whore, you're not any of this. I'm selfish I know, but please, it's been so long since we went on a date...If you still want to see me...I'll be waiting in front of your building." And he locked his phone, leaning his head on the top of the steering wheel. He didn't know how long he waiting again but he suddenly heard the door of the passenger side opening, making him look at the person who opened it. It was you. With the same dress. He felt his heart stopped as you sat next to him, putting your seatbelt without a word. "Y/N ?" You looked straightforward you, and said simply. "Let's go, I guess the restaurant is still open" you muffled. He couldn't help but smiled happily as he turned the engine on, taking your hand in his before driving and said. "Thank you Y/N, thank you" and kissed the back of your delicate hand.

Yunho:

Since the incident at the practice room, Yunho didn't hear from you for a while. Hongjoong particularly scolded him about how rude he's been on you while you just wanted to wish them good luck for their performance. He knew it right, but at the moment he couldn't have helped but get angry at you. He knew as well it wasn't so like him to get carried away for nothing, so that's why he didn't really know what to do to make amend for you. He made his mind he would apologise right after their stage for Kingdom even if they boys thought it would be better to do it before. He knew you'd definitely watch them, root for them so he put all of his mind and body in this performance, hoping it would bring him luck. And it did since they snitched 1st place although they started low in the classement. When the MC asked Yunho how he felt about their win, the giant boy just shyly smiled before saying with a trembling voice. "I...It meant a lot for us, and to be able to be first is huge honour. We always want to show our best to our fans, Atiny. But today I...wanted to surpass myself for a certain person." Others groups were chatting among themselves, surprised by Yunho's declaration. Changmin, though he was as surprised as the others still asked professionally. "Oh, who would it be ?" Yunho smiled brightly and said confidently. "Y/N, my girlfriend." Some screams and gasps from shock could be heard in the giant room after Yunho pursued: "She's always been by my side and supports me with the best way she can, but lately...I've not been a good boyfriend to her, that's why I wanted to win, for her, and saying that I love her."

Right after the diffusion of this week episode which you've been watching with your friends, you sobbed like a little girl. How proud you were for your boyfriend, and the only thing you wanted now was to take him in your arms, feeling his arms around you. With shaking hands you took your phone to try to call Yunho, but he wasn't answering your call. That's at this very moment you heard the bell of your door and went for it, not expecting to see your boyfriend at your door. "H-hi" he said shyly. You dropped your phone and jumped directly in his arms, crying again. "You're an idiot Jung Yunho...But I love you". He nuzzled the top of your head as he hugged you back tightly. "I love you too, little one."

Wooyoung:

wede Wooyoung always said honestly what he was thinking, and everyone's used to it, so he thought his remarks about your skill about cooking would pass easily, but he was wrong. At first he didn't understand your reaction, why you left like this as he was only joking, or he thought so. Seonghwa nagged at him after you left, saying how rude he's been and at least he could shut his mouth. He felt really guilty. He was the one who made you loose confidence about you, when he knew you're always trying your best. And this time, he really screwed things up. Worst than this, when he ate the cake you'd made, he realised it was really good, and his unfounded claims were really mean. Gathering his courage, he showed up at your workplace, waiting for you at the exit. At first, you didn't want to see him, you haven't digested yet what he'd said to you. But with an expressionless face, you finally appeared in front of him. "Y/N- listen, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have said those horrible jokes. No, I mean, I didn't mean what I said, the cake was really good." he tried to say quickly, afraid you'd just brush him away. After listening to his words, you just sighed and said "You're really a jerk sometimes you know that ? Maybe I'm not good at some things, but it doesn't give you the right to bash me out like this in front of everyone. Do you understand Wooyoung ?" he looked down at his feet and nodded, muttering "I'm sorry". "Fine, if you're really sorry, you better cook something too" you smirked, a sign from you that you're half forgiving him. "What ? Wait-" he looked at you astonished. "I don't know what to cook" "Huh, well not my problem" you sticked your tongue out to him and caught his arm in yours.

Mingi:

Mingi's been aware that his words probably upset you. But he needed to find himself again, to get right on tracks by himself even if he was thankful towards you, taking care of him for so long and everything. But he felt like it was his duty to make his comeback to the team his, from A to Z. He hoped you would understand, but after you left him alone, he felt guilty to suddenly reject you. The first day of his comeback into the team, Mingi felt really nervous. He wished he could call you and talk to you as he used to, but since that day he didn't dare to contact you. Instead he sent you a long message, saying how much he missed you and felt really nervous. That he was sorry for what he's said and how much you counted for him. He knew deep inside his mind that you had understood his reasons to act this way, and he was right. After reading his text, you couldn't help but fall in love all over again for Mingi. He was so sweet and pure that you couldn't hold grudges against him. You texted back saying "Everything's gonna be alright. Fighting ! I love you" which reassured the rapper.

Jongho:

Although Jongho was the youngest from the team, he was really mature and hated childish behaviour when it comes for his relationship. The fact you got jealous and as a result, acted this way got him angry. For him, the fact he was dating you was a proof of his choice, and love. Things weren't bad with his ex, so he didn't see why he would cut the rope from her, and he expected you to understand his point of view. After calming down on his own, he also realised his reaction must not have been mature as well. He took more time to think about how he was going to reconcile with you, but things shouldn't stay this way. He expected you to be at your place, and directly knocked at the door, feeling nervous. "Y/N ?" he called out for you. It took a moment before you opened the door, clearly still furious about what happened earlier. "What ? Aren't you with Mina yet ?" you spatted out, maybe too agressive than you wished. Jongho took on himself not to react to this again, instead sighing softly. "Baby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted this way." he began, trying to be the most sincere he was. "You're the only one for me, you know it right ? But you see, Mina is indeed my ex, but it doesn't mean I'm on bad terms with her, and it also means that nothing will happen with her anymore. Because I love you so much and no one else"

[rebelwrites]

Your Love Is My Drug

Clay Spenser x Reader

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Clay Spenser Masterlist

This Months Writing

“Where is Y/N? I've not seen her around tonight?” Ray asked Clay as he brought a fresh round of beers over.

“She’s out with her best friend, something about a much needed catch up” Clay laughed checking his phone to see the fifth drunk selfie came through making him smile. “They are on their way here now, just a warning she is drunk judging by her texts so let’s not feed her any more alcohol”

“Let the girl live a little” Sonny smirked knowing full well he wasn’t going to listen to Clay.

“You don’t have to deal with her hungover ass tomorrow” Clay said pointing the beer bottle at Sonny “I do, and trust me she’s hard work but it’s good job she’s cute”

As Clay brought the bottle to his lips the doors to the pub slammed opened followed by fits of giggles that made his heart skip a beat, looking over he saw you on the floor, heels in hand, laughing to the point you were crying. Making his way through the crowd he made his way to you, wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you to your feet.

“Sorry Clay, she just kept knocking the shots back” Lexi laughed.

“It’s fine Lex, it’s not your fault” Clay smiled as he made sure you were steady on your feet. “She’s had a long week at work so knew she’d end up drunk”

“You got her?” She asked.

“Yeah you go enjoy the rest of the night” Clay laughed.

“Clay hiiiiiii” you slurred placing your hand on his cheek.

“Hi babygirl” he smirked “how much have you had to drink tonight?”

“Only a ikkle bit” you whispered, holding your thumb and index finger slightly apart. “Am not drunk”

“You sure about that” he whispered, kissing you softly.

“Urm Nope” you giggled as you wiggled out his arms and stumbled over to the boys. The moment you were at the table you placed your heels in the center before working out which drink was Clay’s with a puzzled look on your face.

“He finished his darling” Sonny smirked, picking up a bottle and passing it to you. “But you good friend Sonny got you, your own”

“Thanks” you grinned, taking the beer off him, bringing the bottle to your lips, pretty much downing the whole bottle within minutes until Clay took the bottle off you. “Hey I wasn’t finished” you huffed as he sat down pulling you into his knees, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“No more baby” he whispered making you pout, “I’m just thinking of the hangover you will have tomorrow, you need to sober up a bit”

“You’re no fun” you said trying to fake cry but it wasn’t happening. “Clay Spenser the buzz kill”

“You will thank me in the morning” he laughed, kissing the top of your head. Before taking his cap off, giving it you to wear. “So just soft drinks for you now”

“Clay was right” Jase laughed “you are like an excited little puppy when drunk”

“A big fluffy golden retriever” you grinned before turning to Clay “no you’re the golden retriever” you giggled tapping his nose. “A big blonde golden retriever”

“Yeah definitely now more alcohol for you babygirl” Clay laughed at the annoyed face you were pulling, you thought you looked intimidating but to him you just looked cute.

A couple of hours had passed and you weren’t sobering up, thanks to Sonny. It looked like you were just drinking lemonade when in reality it was a double vodka and lemonade. It was always the same when you went out drinking, you’d always end up back here with your boys. But this was the first time you had been completely shitfaced and Clay decided to cut your alcohol off warning the boys not to give you any more but Sonny never listened.

You were all now around the pool table, Clay and Ray were playing whilst the rest of you hung around the table. Jason currently had his arm around your waist keeping you up right as there were no chairs. Leaning back against him you watched Clay, it was like the whole room disappeared when you looked at him, no one else mattered.

Feeling your heart skip a beat as he started laughing at something you realised just how in love with him your were, he was the one, the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

“Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep. I got a sick obsession. I'm seeing it in my dreams” you started to sing, there was no music just your drunk voice.

“Okay who’s been giving my girl alcohol” Clay laughed looking around the room. He knew you only randomly start singing without music at a certain level of drunk. Placing the pool cue down he took your drink out of your hands taking a sip before shaking his head at you laughing before looking at his best friend. “Sonny”

“Hey you try saying no to her when she gives you the puppy dog eyes” Sonny laughed.

“Yeah it’s game over when she gives you them eyes” Clay smirked, kissing the top of your head, taking the drink off you. “No more babygirl okay, I do not need you throwing up on the way home”

“I'm looking down every alley, I'm makin' those desperate calls, I'm staying up all night hoping. Hittin' my head against the wall. What you got, boy, is hard to find, I think about it all the time, I'm all strung out, my heart is fried, I just can't get you off my mind” you sang loudly as you wiggled out of Jase’s grasp to go to Clay, but you couldn’t really walk in a straight line at this point so stumbled, nearly face planting the floor of it wasn’t for Clay catching you. Wrapping your arms around his neck you had a massive grin on your face as you got lost in his blue eyes as you carried on the song. “Because your love, your love, your love is my drug. Your love, your love, your love. I said your love, your love, your love is my drug. Your love, your love, your love. Won't listen to any advice. Momma's telling me I should think twice. Better left to my own devices. I'm addicted, it's a crisis”

As much as Clay tried to be mad at his best friend letting you drink more he couldn’t stay mad for long, one look in your eyes and he was grinning like an idiot, his hands were planted on your hips as you ran your fingers across his skin.

“My friends think I've gone crazy. My judgment is getting kinda hazy. My steeze is gonna be affected. If I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead” you giggled running your hands down his solid chest, not breaking eye contact. You paused for a moment, biting your bottom lip as you tried to remember the lyrics of the song but your mind was in a drunken haze. “Oh fuck I forgot the song”

“Thank god you are making my ears bleed” Lexi laughed making you give her the middle finger.

“Wait i've got this” you slurred as you hummed the song trying to remember where you got to, but little did you know Ray was filming the whole thing ready to tease you with come the morning. “I don't care what people say. The rush is worth the price I pay, I get so high when you're with me. But crash and crave you when you leave” you giggled as your hands still roamed Clay’s upper body.

Clay knew you couldn’t remember the whole song, but he didn’t care because he knew that even with you being so drunk that you meant every word you sung badly. Moving his hands to your waist he smirked leaning your back slightly as you moved one arm around his neck and the other on his cheek as he took a step, causing him to be closer to you but still making sure you were still standing before his lips connected with yours, the kiss was full of love and passion, and made your head spin even more. One kiss left your body tingling, your heart was racing all because of one man.

Pulling away from the kiss you stared into his eyes with a massive grin on your face.

“I love you Babygirl” Clay grinned.

“I love you too” you giggled as you started stroking his beard. “Hey I like your beard”

The whole group erupted into laughter as Clay guided you to a small round table Sonny had found, in one movement Clay picked you up making you squeal before he placed you down on the table. “One more game baby then we are going home”

“Okay” you nodded as you learn back against the wall.

After about 10 minutes Ray nudged Clay making him look over in your direction to find you were now asleep resting your head against the wall.

“Well I guess that’s us out” He smiled hugging his brothers and Lexi. Carefully he wrapped his arms around you picking you up bridal style he knew that you had a hard week at work so he purposely only had a few beers and was still good to drive. The slight movement disturbed you as Clay adjusted his grip to make sure he didn’t drop you.

“Hey” you mumbled in a half asleep drunken state.

“Babygirl go back to sleep” Clay whispered looking down at you with love in his eyes. “I’ve got you”

@chibsytelford @mrsmarvelous1995 @supervalcsi @talicat713 @disasterfandoms @bravo-four-seal-team @jasonbabymama @jayhalsteadfan-2417 @lotsoflovefromlea @seik-o @ohitsnicolexo @velvetcardiganbucky @phoenixhalliwell @pancakeisreading @itsonautopilot

[sunjaesol]

♡ IT HAD TO BE YOU, WONDERFUL YOU ♡

canon compliant juke valentine’s day fic ♡ for all you sweethearts in the fandom

Before hopeless romantic Julie Molina fell in love with Luke Patterson, she always felt glum on Valentine’s Day. She tortured herself with romcoms leading up to the holiday, went into the “couples goals” tag on Pinterest, pouted when her crushes she never talked to dated other people (read: Nick) and felt all around envious of those having a lover to spend the day with. Her mother dying, she who held the biggest heart of all, also didn’t help her mood.   

But that was before Luke blasted himself into her life. Sure, their romance was a little unorthodox, but predictability was overrated anyway.

They got together last summer, when the band played an amazing gig at a tiki bar on the beach and they were drunk on the heat, pink lemonade and each other’s adoring gazes. Dancing on the beach with him and the boys, Luke had grabbed her in his embrace and whispered lyrics at her she’s never heard before. His fingers grazed her jaw when he said it was a love letter - “For you, Jules.” She didn’t have to go far to reach his lips, both eager and giddy to finally come home.

(Weeks later, the love letter was transposed to music and performed for an audience. It was full circle moment. He loved music and her and now it was all connected. Luke had been dazed, but Julie was quick to kiss the stupor away. They could do that now. It was insane.) 

All week, Julie had been working on a secret gift. She scoured her room was scraps and pictures and notes; reminders of Luke hidden in every corner without realising it. A purple pick was found under her bed, a song in her dream box they never got to finish, a seashell he plucked from the beach, a row of pictures from a photo booth, love notes. Julie would lie if she said she didn’t find it adorable how his only reference of romance were the 80s flicks, as it gave her a heartthrob of a boyfriend that didn’t back down from cute gestures like those notes. It left her heart racing and brought a blush on her cheekbones. the sun’s jealous of that smile jules

It was only natural she made him a collage. 

They had an unspoken agreement to never involve money. Though they were in a band together, all the money they made directly went to Julie. She invested it back in their life passion, obviously, but the fact remained that Luke couldn’t take her on typical dates or buy her the typical gifts. Until American Ghost Dollars got invented, they had to be creative. 

Going to the movies were movie nights in the studio with a projector and cookies they made together. A love song instead of dinner. Dancing in her bedroom with AirPods instead of partying.     

And it was enough. It was more than enough. She loved him so much that each second spend together was perfect as is. 

The collage was small enough that he could easily tuck it away. Pictures overlapped, a dozen Mini Luke’s and Mini Julie’s staring at the camera or each other, from before and after they started dating. 

A photo Flynn took of Luke peppering her temple with kisses backstage. A polaroid of when she snuck up on him and smacked a kiss on his cheek, his teeth flashing white from the beam on his face. A Snapchat of when she showed him the filters and he kissed her instead. Multiple pictures of them snuggling on the studio couch, supposed ‘blackmail’ for Alex, but Julie cherished them. If she closed her eyes, she could feel his arms wrap around her back as she’s sprawled on top of him.

The pretty shell didn’t fit on the collage, so she decided to make a bracelet as well. A thick band made from orange, red and yellow string, the shell as its penchant. 

That morning, she pulled on her most Valentine’s day inspired outfit and rushed to the studio. Her gifts were still in her room, out of sight and kept for later, now she just wanted to see her boyfriend. 

Her smile, painted in cherry lipgloss, stretched wider when she slid the doors open and saw that no one was inside. Just last night had he kissed her a little longer after rehearsal, wiggling his brows like he knew something she didn’t. Luke was terrible at keeping secrets. She wasn’t surprised to find it empty, unless…

Luke poofed in front of her with a warrior cry and hoisted her up in one fluid motion. Julie yelled in delight, gripping onto him as he spun them around. For the occasion, he swapped his regular orange beanie for a red one. (One day, her heart was going to explode from all the silly stuff he did.) Matching her expression, his hands steadied her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.    

An index finger flicked his chin playfully. “How long did it take you to plan this?”

He gasped, faux-offended. “Julie! I’m spontaneous as shit.”

“Mh-hm,” she hummed, leaning in to kiss his lips. His frown melted away, the languid kiss flickering with the hint of passion it usually held. Slowly, he set her down, her staying locked between his arms. When she pulled back, he chased after her and pecked the side of her mouth - once, twice.    

“I’m gonna smother you with so much kisses that you’re gonna get sick of me,” he declared, as if the threat of loving her was scary. 

She pressed her forehead against his with a grin. “I look forward to it.”

Instantly keeping up his promise, he nuzzled against her cheek. “What’d you wanna do?”

“Well, we’re ending the day in the hammock.”

“Duh.”

“And,” she sneakily added, “we can be really cheesy and watch ‘Valentine’s Day’.”

He made a face, both remembering their divided opinion on the movie. “If we’re seeing it again, then I’m choosing all the snacks.”

“Deal.”

“Nice,” he breathed, raising his fist between their torsos so she could bump it with her own. Her cheeks were already aching from smiling so much, giddy to spend the entire day with her boyfriend undisturbed by the boys or family or school. 

Her fingers scratched into his plaid jacket. “You know what I’m also looking forward to?” His eyes narrowed at her lilting voice. “Giving you your present.”

His jaw fell slack. “Jules, now I’m gonna be thinking about it all day.” But then she saw the devilish glint in the green of his irises as he uttered: “Guess you’ll have to wait on your present too.”

“You-” That was unexpected. “You have a present?”

Luke bit down on his lip, watching her surprise. “I was waiting for that reaction. Sweet. Okay, I’m saying we dip everything in chocolate. Fruit, popcorn-”

“I’m willing to try one of those crazy combinations you love so much,” she proposed. The excited smooch she got afterwards was worth it.

The couple claimed the kitchen for an hour as they made their snacks, most of which being the typical chocolate covered strawberries both liked a lot, and then nestled themselves in her room. Curled into his warm body, they shared earphones as they watched ‘Valentine’s Day’. Though she asked to watch it, all her attention went to his hands continuously caressing her waist and thigh. It lulled her into a blissful trance. Sometimes he would make a joke (“We’re way cooler than Taylor and Taylor!”) and she’d chuckle and hum and rub his chest. By the time Jessica Biel was smashing the piñata, she was placing soft kisses on his neck and he had to pause the movie. 

Hovering over her with a wolfish grin, he pecked her nose. “I thought you wanted to watch.”

“And I thought you were going to smother me with kisses,” she bounced back with a quirked brow. For a beat, they shared an amused look. 

Then Luke laughed, diving for her lips and doing just that. That rushing feeling coursed through her veins, a pure shot of adoration and attraction with each warm, open-mouthed kiss. He tasted like chocolate, skin sticky from fruit, and smelled in that perfectly boyish way. Julie sighed into the kiss. No cheesy movie or love song could compete with the sensation of slipping her fingers in his hair and having his arms tighten like he never wanted her to stop. Her bedroom was heaven on earth.   

(Perhaps that was silly. She was only seventeen after all. How much did she actually know about the world to accurately make that statement? But did it even matter if right now, right here, she felt like the luckiest girl in the universe? The cynics could bite her.) 

She didn’t know how long they let their lips and hands wander. It was hard to care about time when his mouth was on her ear and her nails drew shapes on his back. 

“I bet,” he whispered, “Taylor and Taylor never felt like this.”

She giggled. “You’re just jealous of the big teddy bear.”

His smile pressed on her cheek. “Maybe.”

When Luke and her first got together, they were scared to touch. Sure, they had their moment on the beach and previously, they found plenty of opportunities to be in contact. But after they made if official and there was nothing to hide behind anymore, it got scary. They yearned for affection, but what if Luke disappeared one day without meaning to and then they’d both ache for each other’s comfort? They got over it eventually and now it was only natural to feel his smile on her skin.

It was hard to imagine kissing anyone but Luke, unfathomable having a different boy hug her from behind at school and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Only Luke could write her love notes. Only she was allowed to write him ones as well, or leave cute post-it’s on his guitar to cheer him up when he had a bad day. It was just them.

Her mind going haywire over such a simple touch jolted her memory, Julie abruptly sitting up and bringing Luke with her. His brows raised in surprise. She pecked the pout away, brushing her nose against his. 

“Can I give you your present?”

A breathy smile tugged on his cheeks. “Yeah, I’m curious.”

Julie untangled herself from their embrace and reached inside her wardrobe for the gift. Sitting cross-legged in front of him, she gave him his present with barely-concealed anticipation. Hopefully he loved it as much as she loved making it! 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she sang, watching him pull the tissue paper out the small bag and unearthing the collage and bracelet. 

Speechless, he gawked at the collection of pictures. Eyes flitted past each quickly, like he wasn’t sure what he was seeing. Crawling over to sit beside him, she placed her head on his shoulder. “You like it?”

He sniffled. Julie looked up and was shocked to note his eyes were shiny. “Aw, babe!”

His gaze caught hers, distraught. “You’re not supposed to make me horny and then emotional!”

She laughed and pressed a kiss on his cheek. His cute reaction made her heart lurch with fondness. “It wasn’t supposed to make you cry.”

Luke sighed, hand guiding her face to place a proper kiss on her lips. It was short, but just as electric as all the ones before. He kissed like he played guitar - always intentional and one hundred percent. 

“I love it,” he muttered. “Thank you. And I love the bracelet too.”

“I made sure it matches your others.”

He captured her lips again. “Yeah… Thanks, Jules.” His nose scrunched, arrogance dripping from his voice as he tucked a curl behind her ear. “My present is better though.”

Her arms crossed, challenged. “Oh really?”

“Hell yeah, it is. Gonna knock it out of the park.” With a snap of his finger, he conjured his songbook and stuck the collage between two fresh pages. He clicked his tongue with the typical bravado he exuded onstage. “Who knows, Jules, you might even get a crush on me.”

Just as she was about to retort with a tease of her own, her eyes caught a fluttering page with words she didn’t recognise. Pointing at it, she asked: “What’s that?”

Luke frowned, thumbing to the right side and rolling his eyes. “Some lyrics that got stuck in my head a few nights ago. It doesn’t work though.”

“Maybe not. I kind of like that part.” She tapped on the line ‘so deep, your DNA's being messed with my touch’ with a pensive wrinkle knitted in her forehead. Ideas began to brew, throwaway pieces from other discarded songs coming back to her and meshing well with what he’s already composed. “Yeah, this is good, Luke. Do you want to work on it?”

He hesitated for a beat, stare trailing from her to the half-eaten plate of snacks. “Do you want to?”

“Of course,” she smiled. They were Luke and Julie - did either of them really think they could go a day without music? Even if she hadn’t discovered this diamond in the rough, he’d inevitably spring upright to write down a riff or her fingers would tingle to try out a melody. Songwriting was perhaps the best date of all, showing that work and play could successfully be mixed together. 

He sighed in relief. “Good. Okay, so I was thinking…”

Hours went by tinkering on the song, the afternoon drifting by and them having moved to the hammock in the garden. It was a spot Luke rediscovered and she all too willingly found a place next to him. They cherished the quietude and warmth even before they were dating. The page was now littered with flowing, strung-together verses and a half-done chorus. Instrumentals were for tomorrow when they were all together. In the back of her head lingered the thought that he still hasn’t given his supposed homerun of a present, but Julie reminded herself then that it didn’t even matter. This was enough. He was enough. Who knew, maybe he was just talking smack! The doubts vanished as Luke drummed his fingers on her stomach, humming a beat.      

“And you thought it wouldn’t work!”, she teased. 

He puffed. “Cause it didn’t! It needed the Molina Touch!”

A brow quirked, amused. “The Molina Touch?”

“Yes,” he grinned and tapped her chest. “The Touch.”

“I don’t have the Force, Luke.” When his face fell flat, she decided to play along and mimicked his motion. Her fingers circled his sternum as she said: “Well, I look forward to the Patterson Energy bringing it alive onstage.”

The boy rolled on his side, she following suit. The hammock bended to the movement, pushing them closer together. The couple snickered, noses nudging and locked in the other’s arms. Above, the sky was coloured like Monet, purples and blues and pinks as the sun dropped below the trees. Julie stared at the way he craned his neck, green eyes blown wide while marvelling at the sweeping atmosphere. He was the most beautiful person she’s ever encountered. She was probably a little obsessed with him, never bored of looking at him, of finding new freckles, moles and spots. 

Her reverie snapped like a bubble as he said something. 

“What?”

He repeated himself. “Wanna get waffles?”

She blinked. “Waffles?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “V-Day waffles. I bet they have red velvet ones.” His face twisted, like he was in on an inside joke, and murmured against her lips: “Whipped cream, Jules. Can’t resist that.”

Damn. He knew her too well. “Reggie’s going to be mad we went without him.”

“Then he should get himself a ghost lover,” he joked. Slapping her hip, the exclaim was resolute. “Let’s go!”

The drive was short, an surprising amount of waffle places scattered around Los Feliz. The cityscape was painted red for the day. Heart-shaped wreaths adorned the doors of stores, bars promoted special cocktails with pink hues, boutiques displaying date night dresses on mannequins in the windows. At the end of a large strip of food joints, a waffle house joining in with a red banner hung across the frontage. RED VELVET WAFFLES! ONLY TODAY!

Julie shot him a suspicious look. “You knew?”

He shrugged, smirking. “A good guess.”

They were lucky. The parking lot was pretty much abandoned, no onlookers to see her joking around with air. He stayed in the car as she got the treats.

As she queued, her aimless thoughts found Luke as a focal point. It was hard not to. Maybe the best thing of all for a hopeless romantic like her, was that she found someone who was an even bigger dreamer than she was. If she jumped for the stars, he rocketed himself into space and hoped for the best. It made days like Valentine’s special, but it also felt like another regular Saturday. He didn’t kiss her differently, looked at her more intently - it was always like this. The red velvet waffles was just… extra. A cherry on an already perfect milkshake. Luke and Julie never needed fireworks to make the other feel remarkable. 

Dropping back in the driver’s seta with a sigh, she propped the waffles on the dashboard. “I’m not sure if it’s going to taste right, they look kind of mushy, but I’m sure the whipped cream-” The words died in her throat as she looked at Luke, a timid smile on his lips as his present laid flat in his hands. A mixtape. 

Her eyes tracked the CD for a beat (jules <3 written in sharpie with his infamous scrawl) and then flicked up to his face. That was most spectacular of all: the nervous twitch in his eye, the breathy smile. Luke was flustered.       

Gingerly, she took it from his grasp. “How did you make this?”, she whispered. 

The palpable energy didn’t waver. “Carlos. He lend me his computer and explained how to burn CD’s.” His chuckle was awkward. “Had to get you in the car somehow.”

A smile bloomed on her lips. Her heart was truly going to explode; the gesture so thoughtful and sweet. (Shit. He did knock it out of the park. How will his ego cope?!) Reaching over the middle console, she chastely kissed him. “I already love it.”

He shook his head with a grin, shoulders loosening a bit. “You haven’t listened to it yet. C’mon, play it.” He shot her a cocky nod. “You know how to use a CD-player?”

“Very funny,” she quipped. Cautiously, she took the CD out of its case and slipped it into the player. It whirred for a beat, her upping the volume, and just as she thought she’d hear some 90s rock band, something unexpected happened. 

hey jules

She froze, staring at Luke’s feverishly excited face, as his crackling voice came through the speakers.  

i finally learned about technology! you happy? anyway, you know i love you. i love everything about you, i think… i think that’s kinda why i’m here to begin with.

Tears lodged itself in her chest, ready to spill. Love was going to make her go mad one day. She loved this boy so much that it was insurmountable by anything else.

that’s not- it’s not what this cd is about. His tone brightened. what i love most about you, julie molina, is how fucking in love you are with music. so what better thing to give you, is more music? these are ten songs that remind me of you… happy valentine’s day, baby. 

It clicked off. Quietly, slowly, a melodious piano variation flowed in. Her breath hitched as she recognised it. Frank Sinatra’s ‘It Had To Be You’ reminded Luke of her? Her hands were shaking. His calloused ones grabbed them, pads of his fingers caressing the skin. A pout jutted from her lips, her eyes shimmering with emotion. It wasn’t fair. Boys weren’t supposed to be this romantic. 

His smile could light up the entire state, touch trailing across her arm up to her cheek, grazing the lone tear that she wasn’t even aware of. “Don’t cry,” he chuckled. “I can be the only sap.”

Shaking her head, she pushed herself over the console and placed herself on his lap. The divide of a stick shift was a plain crime. Circling her arms around his neck, Julie kissed him in the way she thought the song felt. Warm and languid and timeless and wholly, utterly loving. Depthless and infinite. The thrill of his bass voice melted them together, no space between them with his hands wrapped around her lower back. 

For nobody else gave me a thrill With all your faults, I love you still It had to be you, wonderful you It had to be you

“I love you,” she sighed into his mouth. “It’s not enough. It’s not…”

He kissed the lament away. “I know. That’s why music works.” Sinatra sang a line and then he grinned. “Gotta express ourselves somehow.”

Though that was true, though they had music to shape their thoughts into the most beautiful declarations of love, all she wished to have was a word. A simple word that perfectly encapsulated what she felt. Love felt too small. Too simple. But until she found it, she’d keep saying it.

And so she did. “I love you, Luke.” 

His eyes shut in delight. “I love you too, Julie.”

They wouldn’t leave for a long time. Locked in each other’s loving embrace, they listened to every song on the mixtape. And when it ended, they looped it.

Time and space wasn’t really important to them anyway.     

For nobody else gave me a thrill With all your faults, I love you still It had to be you, wonderful you It had to be you

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

@blush-and-books​ @bluefirewrites​ @ourstarscollided​​ @alexjulies​ @unsaid-emily​ @willexx​

[baejl]

like water

red velvet 6th member au \\ superm 8th member au

jaein gets to listen to wendy’s solo before everyone else

WARNINGS: mentions of wendy’s accident

masterlist 🦋 requests are open feedback is awalys important to me!

Walking into the studio Wendy told her she'd be, Jaein still tried to convince herself that meeting her in a studio again was really happening and it was not a dream. For the last year, this seemed to be such a distant hope but now she was finally there.

"Hello everyone!" Jaein happily said, greeting all the staff and producers in the studio. She startled a bit when a camera suddenly got on her face, indicating that she was also making the recording vlogs.

"Hello, Jaein-ah!" Wendy said spreading her arms and the girl hugged her. "Who are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Excited to see the results, but fine." Jaein answered and some staff laugh. "What about you, unnie? It's been a while."

Wendy whined and leaned her head back on the couch, still holding Jaein's hand. Giggling, Jaein pocked the side of her belly and Wendy flinched, sitting correctly.

"I'm more nervous now that you're here. It looks more real now." she answered, nodding. "Was it like this with you too? This adrenaline?" 

"Puf," Jaein puffed. "It took me almost an hour just to calm down and get the first verse right." she answered and the girl giggled. "How long did it take you to finish the songs?" 

"Six hours each." Wendy answered. Jaein widened her eyes and placed a hand on her chest.

"Whoa! Unnie?! Are you crazy?! " she exclaimed, making the producers and Wendy giggle.

"Do you know why I asked you to come here?" Wendy suddenly asked her and she shook her head. "It wasn't to record ad-libs or do harmonies."

"Hm?" Jaein hummed, tilting her head to the side.

"Many people may don't know about this but, when what happened happened, you stood beside me all the time. Even on my way to the hospital. Right?"

Jaein instantly felt a knot growing on her throat and her eyes getting teary, but she still nodded.

Since when Wendy came back, they never really got the chance to talk about it. Jaein would be too embarrassed to ask her and Wendy was busy with the recovery process.

"And, I'm not taking the credits from the other girls, but even when you were with SuperM you made sure to mention Red Velvet and honour our group on this hiatus. The girls and I were talking about this yesterday at the dorm and we feel like we don't thank you enough for the effort you always make for us." she explained further.

"I already told you you don't have to. We're family." Jaein sniffled, wiping a tear with her sweater paws.

"When I explained what I wanted to the lyricist, I also said that on top of everything I wanted the song to be meant for a friend that helped me going through a lot and when I got the lyrics, I made sure to keep it hidden from you because I wanted it to be a surprise..." Wendy made a sign to the producer and he pressed the space bar on the keyboard. When sweet guitar chords echoed through the sound system, Jaein realised what it was. "So, here's Like Water."

"Ay, unnie!" Jaein whined, not even caring about cleaning the tears anymore. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Laughing, Wendy brought Jaein closer in a hug and Jaein placed her head on Wendy's shoulder and she listened to the song while Wendy hummed the melody. When Wendy sang 'I just want to thank you for believing me', Jaein pouted. 

She had never done anything for the girls expecting them to do something in return, but it was so good to see that they valued her work and passion for the group. 

When the song was over, Jaein and Wendy were a crying mess and even the staff had tears in their eyes, touched by the scene they were witnessing. 

"I love you, unnie." Jaein mumbled, hugging Wendy. "Thank you so, so much." 

"Awn, I love you more!" Wendy answered, chuckling. "You absolutely deserve it, Jaein."

"Oh my God." Jaein answered, clearing her tears. A bit of the mascara she used got out and she showed it to Wendy as if she was mad. "You made me ruin my mascara with your incredible song!"

[theji]

我的世界守则 The Rules of My World: An Analysis

I came across this video while browsing Weibo last night. It was taken during Yibo's rehearsal for his 'The Rules of My World' performance. I've listened to the song countless times and I like it, the rhythm and all, and the dance. But as with many rap music, I don't pay attention to the lyrics. I suddenly realised I don't really know what the song is talking about, save for the few phrases that stood out. That sparked my interest and inspired today's post. I had previously done some analysis of Zhan's songs, so it's Yibo's turn.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional translator or lyricist. And obviously I'm not Yibo nor do I know him personally, so I can't say for sure what the song is really about. The following analysis is purely based on my personal interpretation. It has CPN components. Please skip if you don't believe that BJYXSZD.

'The Rules of My World' is the 2nd song that Yibo penned the lyrics to himself. The fact that he wrote the lyrics is significant and makes the song worth analysing. 2019's 'Wu Gan' was more 'inward-looking'; about Yibo expressing his own thoughts on navigating the entertainment industry. To me, 'The Rules of My World' is him making a statement, a stand, at the same time, he's sending a message to those he cares about - GG and his (real) fans. Yibo released this song on 30 Dec 2020. The timing is interesting cos it like he's summing up his sentiments based on the events that took place during the year. To outsiders, 2020 was a good year for Yibo. He had many endorsements, projects, high exposure, his commercial value rose. But in CPN reality, 2020 was terrible for so many reasons. GG's incident, him being overworked, crazy fan wars and antis etc etc..anyone who cares about Yibo would be delusional to think he had it good last year.

欢迎你们来加入我的世界 (You're welcome to join my world)

入场券上面有正义的光源 (There's a light of justice on the admission ticket)

DD is giving fans an open invitation to enter his world, to understand him as a person and not just an idol. And he also hopes that his world can bring some light to the fans' world, to bring some positivity, encouragement and guidance to them.

此生面对严厉又仁慈的一切 (In this life we'll face harshness but also kindness)

轻松一点，我们一起度过黑夜 (Just relax, together we'll overcome darkness)

In the entertainment world (or life in general), there will be ups and downs, criticisms and compliments. Regardless of what may come, we can overcome any challenges together. Darkness here could also refer to the antis who seem determined to bring GGDD down. This could be a message to fans - to tell them that they don't always have to rush to defend him, and they don't need to retaliate (aka fan wars). It could also be a message to GG, to make a stand of solidarity and to reassure GG that DD will face any challenges alongside him.

新的征途 (A new journey)

愚蠢的，不好相处 (These fools, they aren't easy to get along with)

愚蠢的，不会打住 (These fools, they won't stop)

但衬托明天更耀眼的路 (But they will set off a brighter path for tomorrow)

It was said that DD matured considerably after the 2*7 incident. Took up more responsibility, became more focused on his career and mindful of future advancements etc. Started to take on more serious acting projects and to shift his career trajectory towards something more sustainable and less 'idol'. The new journey could be a reference to this new path. The fools - the antis, those against GGDD - may have caused damage but their actions have also sparked off DD's desire to do better and to find his footing in the entertainment industry. He now has a clearer view of what he wants, the path he wants to take.

我是我的样子 (This is how I am)

我生来就固执 (I was born stubborn)

讲自己的故事 (I'll tell my own story)

活独特的气质 (Living my unique self)

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

Here, DD is being assertive. This is me, I follow my own rules, I'll make my own decisions, I'll forge my own path, I won't be influenced, I won't give up on my beliefs. So antis, capitalists etc can f*ck off.

It could also be seen as an advice to his fans - to follow his lead and live their own lives. This is also something that GG has repeatedly said to fans - to focus on their own lives, personal relationships, studies, careers etc. Don't devote so much time on chasing idols, online fan wars etc.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地，走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓，多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我世界的守则，不许你诡辩 (These are the rules of my world, I won't allow any sophistry)

I see this as DD's words of encouragement, to himself and to GG. Despite all the challenges and hardship, darkness will pass and the sun will come out eventually. And it's shining brightly, there is hope left in this world, there's is much to look forward to. So don't fear, be brave and forge ahead.

Sophistry: the use of clever but false arguments, especially with the intention of deceiving

Poor DD is always hit with industry rumours, about him dating his co-stars etc. Last year, someone even made a false police report against him. Just look at the number of statements his company had to put out. There have also always been ongoing rumours about rivalry between GGDD, tales of backstabbing etc, especially in 2020 at the height of the incident. DD is saying that this is his life, his world. No one knows better than the both of them. So to those who don't know better but continue to spew nonsense about his life and relationships and spread hate, know that I don't care about your antics, they don't hurt me but I won't tolerate them as well.

在我世界行走 (Walking in my world)

什么人生主题你透露 (What kind of life theme do you envisage)

是胆大勇猛所向披靡 (Is it to be bold, courageous and invincible)

或胆小逃避钻进壳里 (Or to be timid and escape into your shell)

喧闹倾诉众人party (Is it to pour out your troubles at a rowdy party)

寂寞相思不停地哭泣 (Or to cry silently non-stop out of loneliness and love-sickness)

都欢迎你来我这里 (All are welcome)

只要跟从自己的内心 (So long as you follow your heart)

跟限制和噪音 说一声 bang bang (I'll say 'Bang Bang' to restriction and noises)

怪兽都退散 (Monsters, be gone)

What kind of person am I in your eyes? The cool guy or soft sweet babie Yibo? Here, DD is acknowledging that the public has many different perceptions of him, and fans love different personas of him and he's ok with that. But if you love him, then let him be. Don't try to restrict him, don't quarrel or force him into a certain mould of your preference. He won't hesitate to shoot the haters (monsters) down.

迈出轻盈的步伐 (Take a light step forward)

一声令下 (With a single command)

来宣布 告别孤勇 (To announce a farewell to having to fight alone)

On this new path, with a new-found realisation of what he wants, DD is clear of what he wants to achieve and he is no longer burdened by fear, uncertainties etc. Both GGDD now have each other by their sides, they share a common purpose as they navigate the intricacies of the entertainment industry together and work their way to the top. And I think this is something that we're seeing more in the fandom since end 2020 - GGDD seemingly becoming more bold in their actions and messages they put out (silent or otherwise).

想要做盘旋的龙 (Wanna be a hovering dragon)

还想做懒散的虫 (Or a lazy worm)

别打扰我 走开 没空 (Don't bother me, go away, I have no time for that)

In public, DD is that proud and confident king. He's not a pushover. But behind the cameras, he just wants to chill and relax (and play games). Please don't bother me, give me some privacy to lead my own life, don't tell me what I can or cannot do.

Cue DD's message. He meant it.

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

This is a repetition of the earlier verse but what has changed is the last 2 lines. From <It's my world I won't give in>, DD now says <We will never give in>. This was actually the first thing that sparked off my CPN, and hinted to me that this song concerns GG in some ways. Who's We? We all know how GGDD almost always use the word 'we' in their CQL promo interviews and bts, as though they come as a package and all views represent both of them as a entity. This also echoes the earlier sentiments - both of them, after the 2020 incident, have developed a steely resolve. They won't let the antis or challenges or societal views hold them back anymore. Their world, their rules. They will fight for their rights and what they believe in, and they are determined to reach their goals.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地 走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓 多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我们的世界不会被改变 (Our world will never be changed)

Again, similar to the above 'we' example. From this part of the song onwards, DD is referring to them both. The last line could also be viewed as an affirmation of GGDD's commitment to each other. Whatever is it, our relationship will not change. We will go through it all together.

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you work up on it

Don’t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you all up on it

Let me see you work up on it

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Don't stop

Hey

I interpret this as DD's words of encouragement to GG. Like don't stop fighting, continue to work hard towards your (our) goals. Go for it, you can do it!

在我的世界 (In my world)

本能很关键 (Instinct is the key)

坚持自己 (Stay true to yourself)

就是你们的世界 (It is your world)

DD's parting words to fans: to stay true to oneself, to build and enrich your own worlds, to fight for your goals, like how he is trying.

Well, I had fun working on this. Maybe I'll do Wu Gan another time. Reminded me of literature class during my schooling days, although I never did Chinese literature back then. Feel free to share your thoughts on the song with me. =D

[sunrisefairy]

Love songs

Paring: George Weasley x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Y/N and George realise they have feelings for each other, feelings you probably shouldn’t have for your best friend. 

Warning: light swearing, Georgie plays the guitar in this so be ready 

Heres the link to the song George sings, this is how i imagine him to sound https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oewo__fbQY&ab_channel=SantiagoRD 

This was requested by the lovely @inglourious-imagines​ 

Taglist: @hufflepuff5972​ @inglourious-imagines​ message me if you would like to be added!

Y/N has known the Weasley family basically her whole life, her parents have been close with Molly and Arthur since their years at Hogwarts. The four of them would always reminisce on the crazy things they use to get up to. Catch ups between the two families usually ended in all of them squeezed into the living room and the children begging for more funny stories from their parents’ teenage years, which they would gladly share.

Y/N is the same age as Fred and George so naturally the three of them became quite close. When they were younger their play dates normally consisted of the twins playing harmless pranks on Y/N and Y/N chasing them around the backyard of the Burrow trying to get revenge. Although the twins loved getting under Y/N’s skin, she loved them with her whole heart and considered the two redheads her best friends and they thought the same of her. They’d share everything with one another. The three of them knew everything about each other, from their most embarrassing story to their deepest darkest secret, absolutely everything, well almost everything.

Y/N has always seen the two boys as her best friends, nothing more. That was until their 6th year at Hogwarts. The twins were sitting in the common room on one of the lounges when Y/N bursts through the doors and squeezed herself between the two tall boys, something she has always done. Y/N was itching to tell the twins about how her and a numerous amount of other students had just witnessed Draco Malfoy fall over in the middle of the court yard after she planted a trip wire.

“Boys, I just witness the funniest thing,” she glanced between Fred and George, about to continue when the boy on her left spoke up.

“Hang on love,” George interrupted “you have a little something in your hair.” Y/N breath hitches in her throat as George’s fingers softly brush against her face as he goes to remove whatever was in her hair. Y/N stares at his face, up close like this she notices the freckles scattered across his cheeks and nose. She breaths in and her nostrils are engulfed with a scent that Y/N can only describe as heavenly. Y/N gulps her eyes wide as George retracts his hand from her hair, throwing away the piece of lint. “Okay, go on.”

Y/N clears her throat and retells the prank she had pulled on the blond Slytherin, her heart pounding harder in her chest when George tells her how proud he is.

Shit, she thought. This isn’t good.

~~~

Since her recent realisation of the huge crush she harbours for George, Y/N has found it incredibly hard act normal around him. She is hyper aware of everything he does, every movement he makes or word he says causes Y/N palms go sweaty and her heart rate speeds up. She hasn’t told anyone about her feelings, this being the first time she’s kept a secret from the twins and its eating her inside each day she keeps it to herself.

She enters the Great Hall and looks for the pair of gingers at the Gryffindor table, once she spots them, she bounces over about to squeeze her body in between the boys like she normally does but falters. Y/N doesn’t think her heart could physically take being pressed up against George so she sits on Fred’s other side. Fred and George are surprised with Y/N choice of seat but decide not to mention it.

Fred wraps his lanky arm around Y/N shoulder and yanks her into his side, “hello little one.”

George pipes up, his head peaking around Fred, “Fred and I are planning on pranking Snape later day, we could really use your help?”

Y/N looks up at George, momentarily forgetting what he had asked. “Um actually, I don’t think I can. Gotta work on an essay that I’ve neglected” She lies, to be honestly she feels so awkward and nervous around George she finds he hard to be around him.

Fred holds his free hand to his chest and gasps dramatically “you’re choosing an essay over your best friends. You wound us Y/N.”

Y/N rolls her eyes and shoves Fred’s chest, “you’re an idiot.”

~~~

It’s been a few week and Y/N has slowly distanced herself from George, not that she really wanted to. It’s just she honestly doesn’t know how to act around him anymore without being worried that she’ll let slip of her feelings.

George has noticed Y/N’s weird behaviour and how she’s been distancing herself from him. He has noticed they haven’t been alone just the two of them for a while and she always seems to find an excuse to leave the room when George enters and to be honest, it’s kind of hurting his feelings.

George has just come back from a detention he served by himself for a prank him and Fred had done the night before. Fred had managed to get away just in time leaving poor George by himself standing in front of a very angry and very drenched Snape.

George enters the common room planning on complaining to Fred and Y/N about his boring detention when he sees them sitting on the couch backs facing him. They look deep on conversation and George finds himself just standing there watching them.

Y/N is looking at Fred with a worried expression before Fred flings his arm around her pulling her into his side and whispering in her ear.

George’s heart sinks at this gesture. George was feeling confused because of the way Y/N had been behaving but what confused him even more was that Y/N hadn’t been acting any different around Fred actually the two becoming closer which made George insanely jealous. And not the type of jealously a person should feel for their best friend.

George remembers the exact moment he started seeing Y/N differently, it had been a cold winter night at the Burrow in 5th year. Y/N was spending a few days with the Weasleys because her parents had gone away on a last-minute work trip.

Everyone else had gone off to bed but George and Y/N had stayed up chatting by the fire. They were both sitting on the couch under a blanket they were sharing. George was retelling a joke he had heard and when he finished, expecting Y/N to burst out laughing he was met with silence. He’d glanced down at her, noticing at some point she’d laid her head on his shoulder, she was curled into his side fast asleep.

George admired her peaceful sleeping face, noticing the way her lashes fell across her cheeks, how there was a slight wrinkle in between her brows as she dreamt. He glanced down at her lips, her bottom lip jutted out slightly in a pout. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to press a gentle kiss against her lips, wondering how they’ll feel against his own.

George sighed, realising in that moment he had a massive crush on his best friend.

So, given his feelings seeing Y/N and Fred be so close made his heart ache and he quietly walked off to his room.

~~~

Y/N was lying in bed later that night thinking about the conversation she had with Fred early. She finally confessed her feelings about George even if it was too the wrong twin.

Fred had instantly started teasing her about it, saying she should go see a healer because she must be sick if she has a crush on George. He tried to convince her to tell George about her feelings to which she had begged Fred not to mention anything to George. Fred had flung his arm around her shoulder and whispered that her secret was safe with him as he mimicked locking his lips shut.

It was past midnight and Y/N couldn’t fall asleep, deciding a late-night stroll around the castle was a good idea to settle her thoughts.

Y/N was walking up to the astronomy tower hoping watching the stars might tire her mind. She stopped in her tracks just before she made it to the top of the stairs when she heard a gentle voice singing, she recognised it immediately, it was George and he was strumming a quiet tune on a guitar. Y/N crept up the stairs quietly hoping she could watch him play for a little bit. As she got closer his voice got louder and she listened carefully to the lyrics he was singing.

Should I try to hide the way I feel inside my heart for you? Would you say that you would try to love me too? In your mind, could you ever be really close to me?

Y/N watches the way George gently strums the strings of his guitar and how his eyes are closed as he focuses on singing the lyrics. She glances at the paper spread across the floor in front of him and a quill realising this is a George original.

I can tell the way you smile

If I feel that I could be certain then I would say the things I want to say tonight

Y/N has tears threatening to fall as she listens carefully to the lyrics. George is singing about loving a girl and she feels her heart breaking. The guy she loves is in love with someone else.

But till I can see that you'd really care for me I will dream that someday you'll be really close to me I can tell the way you smile

If I feel that I could be certain then I would say the things I want to say tonight

But till I can see that you'd really care for me I'll keep trying to hide the way I feel inside

She hastily wipes away her tears and tries to compose herself as George scribbles something on the paper on the floor in front of him.

“Whoever your muse is for that song is a lucky lady” her voice slightly unsteady as she speaks.

George whips his head around his cheeks flaming realising Y/N heard him sing the song he wrote about her. “Yeah well too bad she doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

Y/N walks over and sits down across from him hoping her eyes aren’t puffy and red from crying. “She’d be an idiot not to feel the same way Georgie, you’re amazing.”

The sit together for a moment before George breaks the silence, “I wrote the song about you” he whispers sadness evident in his voice.

“You-you love me?”

“Yes of course I do, you’re amazing Y/N.”

Y/N couldn’t help the smile that was spreading across her face, it made her cheeks hurt but she didn’t care. Georges eyebrows raised, not expecting that response.

“Oh merlin, you have no idea how happy that has made me, I thought you wrote that song for some other girl and I think my heart actually broke.” Y/N giggles, shuffling closer to George. She presses a sweet and short kiss to his lips. “I love you too.”

Now George was smiling like an idiot.

“Sing it to me again.” Y/N asks. George grabs his guitar and starts to slowly strum the cords, eyes not leaving Y/N’s.

[lucyjay]

Silver (b.bh)

||You and Baekhyun have been friends for the past couple years. What happens when you both develop feelings for each other but no one has the courage to admit it?

Genre: smut (a bit of fluff)

Warnings: explicit language, alcohol consumption, teasing, unprotected sex ( balloon your baboons fellahs), dirty talk, oral sex, fingering, cum play, throat fucking, hair pulling, multiple orgasms

Words: 6.5k  

 You throw a final look at your reflection in the mirror and sigh. I look like shit, you think to yourself and make your way to the bathroom to finish straightening your hair. The last thing you are in the mood for is clubbing but guess who won’t take no for an answer?your friend Nat who borderline blackmailed you into either joining her and your friends tonight or finding all your embarrassing high school photos displayed on your insta tomorrow morning. 

 After managing to make your hair not look like you got out of a cat fight, you put on some make up which for you consists of 3 simple steps. Step 1, hiding the black shopping bags that jewel your under eyes, Step 2, some blush so that you don’t resemble a ghost and Step 3, mascara. The final result looks better than you anticipated when you started getting ready over an hour ago. 

A simple black baggie-t’shirt style dress, a pair of black boots, your straight hair naturally hugging your shoulders, falling all the way down to your waist and last your make up which thank god hides the fact that you’ve worked a total of 60 hours this week. It’s a nice, fresh spring night and you reckon you’d be okay without a jacket on. You throw your keys, phone and credit card in a small bag and make your way out of your apartment. Your find your uber already waiting for you outside the main entrance of the building, you jump in and decide to give your friend a call to check if they are already at the club. 

 “Hola”, her high pitched voice makes you chuckle, she still sounds like a 5 year old girl just like when you first met her. 

 “Hola. Sooo, I’m on my way, I should be there in like 20′ max. Who else is coming? Please tell me Sehun and Taeyong will be there? Taeyong promised he would make time if i joined you”, you protest already used to one of your best friends, Taeyong canceling on you lastminute.com because of work. 

 “They are already with me babe and we should reach the club in 10′ or so. Sara and Jaebum are coming as well, Bam is DJ’ing, oh and ahm”, she pauses and your heart starts racing subconsciously knowing what she is about to say. “..Baekhyun is coming”. You swear at her for not letting you know earlier and she mumbles apologies which leave you completely untouched. 

 “Nat, you did it on purpose”, you try to keep your tone calm only because your uber driver is already giving you some “lady keep your voice down” looks through the rear mirror. 

 “I didn’t but even if I did so what? We are all friends and it’s completely childish of both of you to put us in a position where we have to go out with each of you separately. Bam is worried and Sehun is having abandonment issues”, she whines dramatically and you hear Sehun in the background screaming, “I just want my friends back, oh god, please”, a fake cry following his oscar-worthy performance as you hear Taeyong burst into laughter a bit further in the background. 

 “Ok ok! I don’t care. I’m done playing his little games anyway. I wanna drink and have fun. See you in a bit”, you reply and hang up. The uber has reached the city centre and your gaze in boring outside the window looking at the people and the buildings but not really paying attention to anything. All you can think about is him. How things have completely gone to shit when they were so promising. You and Baekhyun met a a couple years ago when he started hanging out with Sehun who he met at work. The latest then brought him into your group and he clicked with all of you straight away. 

Fast forward to a a few months ago, you were at one of BamBam’s house parties chilling and chatting away when he confessed that he likes you and he has been into you since the day he met you catching you completely off guard. You, having been crushing on the boy since the moment you laid your eyes on him, did what no 26 year old, sane woman would do and just bailed. Literally left him there, drink in hand, mouth hanging open in shock and you just left the house, got inside a taxi and went home. You were so embarrassed over your reaction and disappointed in yourself for ruining the perfect chance to be with the biggest crush you’ve had since middle school, that you couldn’t even bring yourself to message an apology to him. A few days later you all met at a cafe and that’s when it started. He was so cold and sulky towards you and who could blame him? But he was overdoing it to the point that it started pissing you off. You couldn’t get him to talk to you alone and eventually managed to get you to not stand being with him in the same room. Every time you met since then, it was just a verbal war between the two of you, full of sneaky insults and hurtful jokes with a drizzle of swear words and some whipped sarcasm on top.

 “It’s just one night out. How bad can it get?”, you whisper only for your own ears to hear you. The uber slows down outside the club, you thank your driver and step out of the vehicle, gently closing the door behind you. The queue for the club isn’t too long and you can spot Nat,Tae and Sehun waiting on the left side where the VIP queue is forming. Sehun waves at you eagerly and you make your way to their direction. 

 “At least she is wearing a dress and not pyjamas”, Sehun teases and lifts you up in a hug that made you almost gasp for air. 

 “I am overworked, not lame. I now how to dress for a night out”, you spit back faking annoyance and the younger boy raises his hands in defence. 

 “Tough week at work?”, Taeyong asks as all four of you walk towards the entrance of the club. 

 “Everybody decided to get married at the end of summer apparently, so considering that I have to organise 9 weddings within the next 4 months, I would say tough year.”, you pause and your eyes follow the direction Taeyong is looking at and...there he is. Locking his car dressed like a bloody model straight out of a Vogue photoshoot. Black jeans, loose blue shirt, a silk navy blue scarf around his neck and a pair of black boots. “...and it’s not about to get better”, you finish your sentence. 

 Him being ridiculously attractive should have been something you were used to by now, but you haven’t seen him in almost a month and in all honesty you almost forgot how easily he makes your entire body go numb just by standing there not even looking at you. Too lost in your own thoughts you haven’t noticed him standing next to you greeting the others, ‘till he turns his attention to you. His hair is silver. Fuck him and his ability to look good in everything. Fuck him and his gorgeous face, you think to yourself. 

 “Your hair is longer”, he says in the most indifferent tone. Is this his idea of a greeting? Asshole, you think.

 “Your hair is bloody silver”, you reply, your eyes not leaving his. He serves you a slight side smile and you can feel the insides of your palms getting sweaty.

 “Looks good doesn’t it?”, he throws a rhetorical question not really waiting for an answer. You tsk and roll your eyes at him while quickly turning to get inside the club. BamBam was near the entrance to greet you and show you which table he reserved for you and your friends. You follow him and he leaves you shortly after to go and prepare his station for his set next to the man currently DJ’ing. 

 “I’m gonna go get drinks, what do you want?”, Baekhyun asks the rest of you.

 “Let’s just get a bottle”, Nat proposes and you nod. “tequila or Vodka?”, she asks. 

 “Tequila”, you and Baekhyun shout in unison and you turn to look at each other. Are the lights in here making him look even more attractive or is it just you being horny for him? You give yourself a mental slap. 

 “Tequila is good”, Sehun adds. Baekhyun makes his way to the bar and Nat moves to your side, leaning next to your ear so that she doesn’t need to scream on top of the music. 

 “Make a move”, she says and you almost choke on your own spit. 

 “Are you insane? Haven’t you been around lately? I guess not. Let me fill you in. In the last episode of Season 2, he hates me. End of story”, you reply and she chuckles. 

 “He doesn’t hate you. He is just still hurt by your reaction back then. And you are clearly into him. Like, it’s clear like the sun. Like, I can see you undressing him with your eyes. I could legit-...” 

 “That’s enough! I got your point”, you cut her off and really wish Baek could get his ass there already cause you swear you would love to down that entire bottle of tequila right now. 

 “Babe, talk to him. It’s a shame. You have had feelings for each other for so long. You can’t just..leave it.”, she says and her tone is soothing and understanding. You turn to look at her and nod causing her to smile widely and clap her hands like a little kid who just got her birthday gift. A minute later Baek shows up with two bottles of tequila inside a bucket and a waitress follows right behind him with a tray full of glasses and ice which she lays on your table. 

A few drinks down and you find yourself relaxed enough to be dancing with Taeyong like there’s no tomorrow, rocking some crazy moves  perfectly nsync with BamBam’s wild beats.  Taeyong’s hands are on your waist and you rest your head on his shoulder, your back against his chest as you sing every single lyric of the song currently blasting.

 “I need another drink”, he screams over the music. You nod and make your way to the table where you find Nat and Sehun talking to Jaebum and Sara, a couple Nat met whilst on holidays in Japan, who happened to be from the same city as the rest of you. You chat with them for a few minutes, sipping on your drink when you realise you haven’t seen Baekhyun since returning to the table. After scanning the area around you, your gaze falls on Nat’s who mouths a silent “outside” to you, as if she has read your thoughts. You excuse yourself and make your way through the intoxicated crowd, eventually reaching the exit of the club. You step on the pavement and look up and down both directions to see if you can spot Baek. On the left side of the doors, a few meters away you can distinguish a frame that looks like him. You slowly make your way towards the man and after a few steps you can see his face clearer under the dull lighting the lamppost covers the corner of the street with. He was staring at the ground, cigarette in between his index and middle finger. You clear your throat and he turns to look at you. 

 “Oh sorry, I didn’t see you”, he says calmly, taking a puff of his cigarette, quickly letting a line of smoke out of his nostrils.

“You smoke”, you say and it’s more like a realisation and less like a question. Your stare drifts off of his face and down to his feet as if his shoes are the most interesting thing to you. 

 “Yes, got a problem with that?’, he turns to look at you and you raise your head to meet his eyes. You can’t read him. You never could. He looks unbothered yet sounds annoyed. It’s so frustrating and you swear at yourself for even thinking of approaching him. You scoff and turn to leave, sure that you’re clearly not wanted there. 

 “That’s the second time”, he says and his voice is low but you can sense a weak scent of irony lingering at the end of his word. You stop in your trucks and turn to face him. 

 “What was that?”, you ask. 

 “It’s the second time you walk away from me. There won’t be a third”, his statement catches you off guard but you’re not planning on letting him see the affect his words have on you. 

 “I suppose you came out here to get some air, I wanted to check if you’re alright but you’re clearly not up for a chat. Am I wrong for thinking that the best thing to do was to excuse myself?”, you regret the slight sarcasm in your words which was completely unintended. His attention lands on your face. There’s at least 2 meters distance between yourself and him but for some reason you feel like you’re suffocating. His presence is so strong that you can’t even think straight. Without taking his eyes off of yours, he throws his cigarette somewhere to the side and with two steps he is standing right in front of you. You can smell the smoke on him but it doesn’t bother you; his cologne in combination with his addictive natural scent are enough to make your head hazy. He shouldn’t be able to affect you like this. 

 “Excuses”, his voice comes out like a loud whisper and you feel embarrassed at how it makes your entire lower body go numb and the sensitive area between your legs pulsate. His stare is so heavy that it almost makes you feel small. He moves a bit closer to you and you can almost feel his body touching yours.

 “Baekhyun, I’m...”, your voice fades out unable to complete the sentence. Your eyes still on his like magnets. You can’t see anything around you but him.

“Finish your sentence Y/N”, he says calmly. You gather all the courage you could before you allow the confessions that you have been battling all these months, come out. It’s so hard but you know you have to. You have to give it a shot.

 “I’m sorry. For that day.”, you say and his features rest in a slight shock which only encourages you to continue. 

“I’m sorry i left you like that and that I didn’t explain myself. I’m sorry that I never called you after what happened. But what I’m not sorry about is what happened afterwards. You were so mean to me and you refused to talk to me. Your behaviour was horrible and I don’t take back anything I’ve said to you every time we fought”. You swear your knees are about to give out and your breathing is so heavy that you can feel your chest rising and falling as if you were running. You heart beating in your head is making you dizzy and you pray that you won’t just faint right there and then. 

 “You don’t regret anything you’ve said to me all the times we fought?”, he asks and you feel a pinch of annoyance that this was the only part of your paragraph long monologue he chose to focus on. 

 “Nothing. You started every single fight”, your statement came out strong and your voice way too stable given your current state. You congratulate yourself in your head. As if that was even possible, Baekhyun steps even closer to you, now trapping you between his body and the wall. You can feel his torso pushing yours backwards only for the back of your waist to land on his right hand, his left one resting on the wall slightly brushing your cheek. 

 “I swear I would take you against this fucking wall just to shut this annoying mouth of yours”, his lips almost touching yours. You can feel his breath on your face and his words wake the butterflies in your stomach. You’re mad at yourself for feeling so weak under his stare. It takes you a few seconds to realise that you have been holding in a breath. You just stand there, frozen, eyes glued on his honey brown ones when the words roll out of your tongue without second thought. 

 “Why don’t you then?”, you speak in a low voice that even gives you goosebumps. Your boldness surprises him and he shakes his head.

 “I shouldn’t. I-..” 

 “Excuses”, you cut him off and you catch him so off guard that if it wasn’t for you being an absolute mess right now, his shocked stare would have had you chuckling. He raises his hand to caress your cheek and the way his knuckles softly touch your skin makes your entire body shiver. He doesn’t allow you to let the sudden skinship action sink in when he tilts his head only to rest his forehead against yours. 

 “I don’t know what to do with you anymore. Please tell me Y/N. Just tell me what you want”, he pleads and the entirety of your body heat is now resting on your face. You have never seen Baekhyun like this, basically asking you to take the upper hand. You rest your arms on his and connect your hands behind his neck. 

 “I want you Baekhyun. I don’t even remember how it was not to want you.”, you inhale and the air entering your nostrils feels too hot “...let’s go back to yours.Or mine, I don’t care”. The moment you finished your sentence Baekhyun’s hand was on yours, already guiding you towards the direction of his car. He open the door for you to get in and a second later he jumps in the driver’s seat. 

 Baekhyun’s eyes are glued on the road and his grip on the wheal is strong. You take a minute to examine his side profile and your eyes linger on each of his beautiful features. His beautiful honey-brown eyes, his straight nose and his soft, pink lips that are currently pressed into a thin line as if he is trying hold back a river of words threatening to fall out. Your hands are resting on your thighs which you’re pressing together in a desperate attempt to ease the buzzing in your lower area. You are already so embarrassingly wet, even though Baek hasn’t even touched you, which makes you realise how wrong all your past partners must have been treating you. Not able to stand the distance between the two of you, you place your hand on top of his right thigh, slowly dancing your fingers up and down the area. He shakes his head, momentarily closing his eyes only to open them a second later. His stare is intense but you can’t read it properly. 

 “Babe...”, he says and your hand movement stops at the sound of the nickname. Feeling more aroused by the second, you bend slightly over so that your lips are brushing against his ear. 

 “What...babe?”, you tease and he grips the wheel with such strength that it looks like he is trying to break it in half. 

“Finish your sentence Baek”, you continue and at this point you know you’re playing with fire. He turns to give you a look for a split second, his eyes filled with something unknown to you and a slight smirk is gracing his beautiful lips.

 “Sit back properly, take off your underwear and open your legs.”, you’re looking at him, eyes wide open in shock. His habit of bossing you around would normally have you ignoring his ass, maximum serving him an eyeroll as a response, but now it’s different. Your brain hasn’t even had the time to comprehend the possible consequences of his request, when you find your hands slowly sliding the sides of your underwear down your legs. Before you manage to even speak a word, his slender fingers are caressing the inside of your thighs and you throw your head back, eyes shut in an attempt to keep yourself under control. His middle finger and index travel all the way to your sensitive area and you let out a low gasp when you feel them on your heat. 

 “Holy fuck...”, he says and inserts one finger inside your throbbing pussy. You moan out his name as his digit is hitting you exactly on the right spot and you can’t see it but there’s a victory smile resting on his lips. 

 “Baek wait...”, you try to complain but it’s in vain. He adds a second finger and while keeping his eyes on the road, one hand on the wheel, driving almost at 150 km/h, he is steadily bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm. You turn your head to the side, your eyes linger on his frame when you start feeling a knot forming on the lower part of your abdomen. You gather all the strength left in your body to lift your arm and tangle your fingers with his silver locks, slightly pulling his head backwards. He hisses and fastens the tempo of his fingers, his palm now coming in contact with your clit. You know you aren’t going to last long. Your walls start pulsating around his skilful digits and the car stops at a red light which finally allows him to focus his attention on you for at least a few seconds. 

 “I can’t wait to feel you clenching around my dick baby”, he says and you can feel yourself getting closer to your orgasm. 

“Does my baby like dirty talk?”, he teases you and you pull his hair a tad stronger than before. 

“I want you to come before the light turns green, you have approximately..”, he pauses to calculate the other traffic lights at the crossing, “...10-15 seconds?”, he adds driving his fingers in and out your pussy at a frenzy rhythm. You can’t handle the tension anymore. 

 “Baek, I can’t-...”, you swear you could cry with all this tension gathered on your lower body. You’re so close you can sense your orgasm. 

 “9..”, he says, his eyes piercing yours. 

 “Fuck, no I can’t”,  you close your eyes, trying to control your body. It’ll be too much, you don’t want to come here in his car. 

 “Open your eyes and look at me. 6″, he counts and you do as you’re told. His palm hitting your sensitive clit is sending vibrations all the way to your head and you swear you wouldn’t be able to spell out your own name at this moment if you had to. 

 “I’m so close, I’m- Baek please...’, you whine and you can feel your walls clenching like crazy, swallowing his fingers. He places his other hand around your neck, squeezing gently and you’re a goner. Your orgasm crushes through you like fireworks and you can’t stop yourself from grinding down against his fingers, greedily trying to ride the explosive feeling out. 

 “That’s my girl”, he flashes you a satisfied smile and removes his fingers from your pussy at once. You grimace at the loss of contact but you’re too occupied trying to gather your thoughts and get yourself together, to pay further attention. The car is already on the move and before you can fathom what’s happening, he is parking in front of a building. Your eyes feel heavy but only at the thought of what’s coming, you feel the knot in your stomach tighten again. Baek steps out of the car and opens the door for you. You take a second to put your underwear back on, and you step outside the vehicle likewise. He locks it and starts walking towards the entrance of the block of flats before you, his hand in yours as your steps shadow his. You walk up the stairs and stop at the first floor. He stands outside a door and takes out his keys to unlock it when he turns to face you for the first time since he had you coming all over his fingers in his car. 

 “Before we get in I need to tell you something”, he warns and his eyes are examining your face. You step closer to him, your arm brushing against his. 

 “What is it Baek?”, your voice sounds so sweet and the way you say his name has him melting. 

 “If we do this, there’s no disappearing in the morning. There’s no going back to how things were. If you don’t want to stay and if you don’t want to be with me, leave now. This can’t be a one-time thing for me. That’s not what I want.”, he takes a deep breath as if he just gave the most important speech of his life. Your mouth hangs open at his sudden confession and you feel a stink of guilt that you’ve made him so uneasy; scared that you would run away from him and disappear. You grab his keys and unlock the door which opens wide in front of you. You step inside his flat and turn your head to face him. 

 “Do you prefer eggs or pancakes for breakfast?”, you ask him while taking off your shoes. He steps in and shuts the door behind him. Walking backwards you start unbuttoning your dress, “...I prefer something sweet in the morning to be honest”, you’re teasing and you reach the last button. You take another step backwards and you can feel his eyes burning on you. He is following each step you take, mirroring your movements now taking off his shirt. You let the dark fabric of your dress fall down your body and pool around your ankles. Baekhyun stops in his tracks, half naked and the lust in his eyes could make you come right there and then. You are about to take another step backwards when he nods you negatively. 

 “Don’t move”, the words come out as a soft command and you listen, standing there only in your lace black underwear, looking at him basically begging him to do something. He hasn’t even kissed you. He is the only man that has given you an orgasm without touching you anywhere else, not even a peck on the lips. He takes his time roaming his gaze along your body, his eyes resting on your breasts a second longer. 

 “I want you to kiss me”, you let out before you realise the words leaving your mouth. He focuses his attention back on your face and your body is about to burst from the need to feel him closer in any way. He is slowly walking towards you while taking off his trousers, leaving his body now covered only by his black boxers. 

 “Your entire face is blushing, you’ve been squeezing your thighs together, your breathing is unsteady and you’re giving me blowjob eyes”, hie finishes his sentence when standing a breath away from you. “...you want me to do more than just kiss you baby”, you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding in  and he smiles. He is so infuriating standing there, laughing at the misery he has put you in. You can’t let him play you like this. 

 “If you think you can..-” 

 “Shut up”, he says and you can’t tell who initiated it  but his lips are on yours, kissing and biting as if your mouth is the last source of air and he needs it to survive. His right hand finds purchase on your ass, squeezing tightly pushing you closer to his body and his other hand grabs the back of your head, deepening the kiss. You can feel your underwear sticking on your dump heat and you squeeze your legs together trying to give yourself some comfort. Baekhyun breaks the kiss, bringing his lips next to your ear. 

“Is my baby wet?Again?”, he cooes and you wanna smack him across the face because he fucking knows you are. 

 “Yes I am, and if you don’t do something about it soon I’m gonna have to get myself off”, you lilt and turn to enter his room. It’s way cosier than you would have imagined, with a queen size bed in the middle. You seat at the edge of it and you open your legs as seductively as you can, covering the fact that they’re shivering in anticipation. He enters the room and his eyes are darker than before, his erection clearly visible through his boxers making your mouth water. You cock an eyebrow at him but he doesn’t move. That’s it, you can’t waste anymore time waiting for him to do something. You get up and get on your knees in front of him, removing his underwear with a single movement before you place your palm around his shaft. 

 “What the fuck Y/N”, he breathes out and his knees turn weak under your touch. 

 “I’m done waiting for you Byun. Took you 2 years to kiss me. I can’t imagine how long it’ll take you to fuck me”, he is about to protest when you lean forward, putting his dick in your mouth, your nose against his lower belly. His complain turns into a moan when he throws his head back, hands now landing in your hair, pulling slightly. Your lips move around his member, followed by your tongue, hand resting on his balls slightly massaging them. You lick a long stripe from the base of his dick, all the way to the end while pressing your lips around it and then release it with a slight ‘pop’.  A string of saliva connecting your mouth with his tip. You open your eyes only to find his intense stare already on your frame, cheeks on fire and mouth agape in an attempt to inhale as much air as he can. 

 “Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look right now? I swear I would do anything, anything you want If I could only see you like this everyday”, his voice cracks at the last words and he is slightly releasing his grip on your hair. Your hand still working its way up and down his dick, you tilt your head onwards to give small kitty licks on his tip. You take his hand and while serving him a cheeky smile you place it so that his fingers are cupping the upper part of your neck, right under your jaw. It takes him a moment to understand what you’re thinking and when it hits him, he lets out a desperate breath. You move your chin in front of his dick, lips almost touching his slit currently dripping with pre-cum. 

 “Apologise for being an asshole these last few months”, you spit. 

 “Fuck you”. The moment the words slip his lips you open your mouth, taking him so deep that you can feel his tip touching the back of your throat. He moans out your name and you feel your pussy pulsating in the sound. It takes all the self control you can manifest in order to not sneak your fingers inside your knickers and relieve some of the tension. 

 “I can feel my dick down your throat baby, agh fuck”, he hisses and pulls your hair as you take him as deep as you can once again only that this time you keep him there, swallowing again and again with his dick buried as deep as your throat can take it. A tear rolls down your face and your gag reflex is threatening to kick in, but you refuse to let go before he begs. 

 “Fuck Y/N, please. please stop, I don’t wanna cum. Fuck please, don’t-”, you release him and you snap him your best victory smile. after whipping your mouth with the back of your palm. You get up and move towards the bed, this time laying on top of it. 

“I think I prefer you begging than apologising”, you tease and an unintentional giggle follows. 

 “You fucking bitch”, he spits jokingly and you burst into laughter but it doesn’t last long. The next moment he is hovering on top of you, lips on yours, hands cupping every curve of your body unable to hold back anymore. He is devouring your neck, jaw and moves lower to leave dark marks on your breasts. In a swing movement he unclips your bra, throwing it behind him next to his long forgotten underwear. Your underwear is next and before you know it, his face is resting between your legs, blowing tiny waves of air on your heat, driving you crazier if that was even possible at this point. He plants small kisses around the area, next to your folds while his hands are massaging the inside of your thighs. Your head falls back to meet his soft pillow and you moan out his name,  incapable of hiding the mess he has made of you. Without any warning his soft tongue crushes on your burning area, devouring you as if you were his last meal. Your head is now a foggy mess, hands tangled between his silver locks unconsciously pushing him against your pussy, desperate for more friction. He rests his tongue on your sensitive bud of nerves, dancing in slow circles when he enters two digits in you causing you to let out the most animalistic moan you’ve ever heard yourself producing. Your reaction was the confirmation he was seeking, as his tongue picks up its pace and so do his fingers, his name rolls off your tongue like a cursed poem, again and again until you can feel yourself falling off the edge. He lands a last kiss on your pubic bone as he slowly climbs up your body, now hovering above you. You open your eyes, realising you had them wide shut all this time, only to find his beautiful brown ones staring at you in the most loving way you’ve ever had anyone looking at you.

“So pretty”, he whispers and his fingers linger on your lips and make their way to your cheek where he leaves a shy kiss. You can feel his dick between your legs, yours thrown around his waist and you just stay there, in silence looking in each others eyes. You bring your hand to the side of his jaw only to pull him closer, planting a kiss on his lips. It’s not deep; it’s soft, and sweet, almost romantic. You break it after a few seconds and you rest your forehead on his. A word is about to escape your lips when he frantically drives his length inside you, hitting your g spot so hard that you almost choke at your own gasp.

“Baek, fuck”, you whine. He doesn’t say anything, he only pulls out a little bit and then thrusts back in, hitting that sweet spot that has you seeing stars. He does it again and again and again and you are a moaning mess, head thrown back, his diving in the crook of your neck, sucking, bitting, leaving purple spots in every area he can get his lips on.

“You want me to stop?”, he says out of breath without slowing down at the slightest. You attack his lips and the kiss is nothing like the one you just shared a few moments ago. It’s hungry and desperate and your tongues are fighting for dominance, both your mouths swallowing each others moans. You can feel your pussy throbbing around his dick and you know you wont last long. Baekhyun breaks the kiss but stays close so that his lips can still touch yours.

“Are you close baby? You want to cum? Want to come all over my dick?”, he breathes out and you moan out his name, paralysed under his touch.

“Baek I’m close-I’m gonna..”, a circular move of his hips almost brings you to the brink and you moan out cusses with no meaning. You clench around him once more and he lets out a loud groan.

“Y/N If you do that one more time I won’t be able to hold back. Please”, he pleads and you can see that he is trying to hold back so that you can finish first. His dick fucking into you at a relentless pace has your arms pulling his body closer to yours, nails digging in his back and you know these scratches will be visible for next few days.

“Baek I can’t hold it, please”, you moan out.

“Let go baby, let go. Cum for me”, he whispers next to your ear and there’s nothing in the world you want more than to feel him painting your insides with his orgasm.

“Cum inside Baek, Please, cum with me, ah-”, your orgasm hits you mid-sentence and you clench again and again as it keeps attacking your body in waves. After a couple thrusts you can feel him releasing into you as he lets his body collapse on top of yours, both of you battling to calm your breathing.

“I blame you for missing on the best sex I’ve ever had for the past two years”, you tease him softly and he chuckles. You raise your hand to place a stray hair behind his ear and you can’t help but notice the slight rosiness on his cheeks. ‘what?’, you ask flushing him your warmest smile.

“Be mine?”, his lets out as he rubs his nose against the tip of yours. Your heart skips a bit and a wave of warmth crushes through you, for you haven’t felt so happy in a long, long time.

“Hm, nope, thanks”, you giggle and you kiss him. He is taken aback by your reply, staring at you with eyes wide open like a frightened deer caught in the headlights.

“I’m joking baby”, you spit and burst into laughter.

“You bitch”, he laughs.

[alreadyblondenow]

On and Off

Taeyong x ballerina!reader // FLUFF, SMUT, angst? idol!au Summary: The first few months of being in a relationship with Taeyong was normal as it could be. Exchanging text massages, dates, phone call from evening until morning. But as you dive deeper into the relationship and months turned into years, you realised that normal will be something hard to achieve.  Word Count: 5k Warnings: Protected and unprotected sex, cursing, mentions of other idols, loneliness, anxiety, pressure,  Note: few notes again hihi -Inspired by my one and only keshi - onoffonoff please listen to his music its amazing I literally only listen to him these past few days.  -This is another part/story of my life, so I could only hope no one steals my work. Because this is inspire by true events, except the pregnancy part. And the good ending, mine didn’t end well haha

It has been years since you kissed Taeyong for a stupid dare, not knowing who he is and not knowing he’s a famous idol in his country. You were clueless, simple as that. Little did you know that kiss will literally change your life. Was it luck or was it destiny that brought Taeyong in your life? After kissing him that night he stick to you like glue insisting to spend more time together and drink and dance the whole night.

One thing led to another, and Taeyong just keeps coming back to you and you welcome him with open arms. Thanks to Google, you learned a lot about Taeyong. All the basic stuff about who he is, what about him and finally being a fan of NCT. Its funny how dating Taeyong over the years made your life complicated and exciting at the same time. You figured, maybe it’s because you’re crazy with each other that’s why.

Ever since Taeyong came into your life your heart is half and half. The first half is for your first love which is dancing ballet and the other half is for someone extraordinary, Taeyong.

The first few months of being in a relationship with Taeyong was normal as it could be. Exchanging text massages, dates, phone call from evening until morning. But as you dive deeper into the relationship and months turned into years, you realised that normal will be something hard to achieve.

ON

A lot of adjustments happened in order to continue being together. For you it’s understanding that Taeyong is someone important not just to you and his family but to a lot of people around the world. Helping him sort out his thoughts while writing lyrics and  listening to whatever he says to you. Stay with him at the studio even if means burying yourself at the studio couch and binge watch Netflix while waiting for him to finish recording. For Taeyong, his love language is massaging your sore feet from ballet practice and picking you up every night after his work. Watching your performance giving his full support, emotionally and physically.

You’re each other’s number one fan.

OFF

During ballet practice today, your toes are already bleeding from hard work which something you don’t regret on doing. But the company was having an earful from the director tonight, never ending “do it again” and “from the top” everyone wanted to cry. Good thing Taeyong will pick you up after ballet practice, finally something to look forward to. Or so you thought.

It’s already 9pm, practice was dismissed half an hour ago and Taeyong still hasn’t come yet. The rain is pouring outside and your feet and toes needs to rest. You’ve left a dozen messages to Taeyong already but still, no answer. Before you decide on waiting a little more, his manager called you to tell you that Taeyong forgot to pick you up tonight and that he can’t leave anytime soon. You don’t have a choice but to take the subway and walk under the rain with your small umbrella. Your wet flats makes your bruises even worse, you feel the pain every step you make but the thing that’s even more painful is Taeyong didn’t picked you up when you needed him the most. You can only let out a string of curses here and there and cheer yourself to keep on walking.

When you finally got home you went straight to the bathroom limping and cleaned your bruises. Too tired to even stand up, you still have to make your shoes and sew a little bit for tomorrow’s practice. Still thinking about how heavy your day was, you sat in front of the mirror while sewing and waiting for Taeyong to come home.

After preparing everything you need for practice tomorrow, you head to the kitchen and made dinner for Taeyong. Maybe he’s hungry when he got home? A few minutes later, you heard the door beep. Taeyong startled you and hugged you from behind, you already sensed something is off. “Sorry about earlier” Of course you wanted to ask him but you didn’t want to pry, he looks exhausted as you are.

He kissed you good night on the forehead not even letting you to kiss him back as he walks towards your shared room and change. That’s it? He’s never like this and you wonder why, you reflect on the past days but all you can only recall are days full of laughter with him.

ON

The morning after, you were at the kitchen making your green smoothy when the same arms from last night encircled to your waist. Familiar kisses landed to your cheeks and neck, “Good morning” Taeyong greeted you with a raspy voice, his chin rests on your neck. “I’m sorry about last night, I forgot to pick you up and… our come back has slow process, everyone doesn’t look good” you wanted to throw a fit and push him away but you know that Taeyong loves his work, and if he said that something is wrong, something is indeed wrong.

You turned around and hugged him back, giving him one big bear hug, “I’m not mad anymore. But, I have to go now I’ll be late-“ to your surprise he kneels in front of you completely pissed off because of your toes. “I think you should skip practice today - I can’t believe I let you go home alone last night with those feet” it’s not nice to see Taeyong so annoyed and pissed early in the morning. But you know you can’t skip practice today, “I’ll go home early if you can make it up to me today” it’s the only reasonable deal you could make, and you can only hope he’s up for it. “Will do” he kissed your lips, “I love you. I’m sorry, this will never happen again” you believe him.

And he did make it up to you. He made lunch and got an early out from working with his music. Not only did he cooked for the both of you but he cleaned the whole apartment which you thought wasn’t necessary. He made kimchi stew and kimchi fried rice, with a table full of laughter brought to you by your boyfriend and a bottle of wine from Johnny.

After eating lunch and cleaning up, you and Taeyong found yourselves in the middle of the bed tipsy and incredibly clingy with each other. “Wow you changed the bed sheets” you noticed and gave him a wink, “very gentleman of you” he giggled as he lay beside you.

The weather is gloomy like yesterday, but what happened yesterday seems to be  erased already. The gloomy weather made the room blue, cold and comfortable. Taeyong’s arms are around you enjoying the warmth you share “I love days like this” he whispers, “You’re my escape from everything that’s happening in my life now. It’s like when you look inside my brain everything seems to be loud and out of order, but there you are calm and just being you” he sniffs your hair, pulled you closer and kissed you deeply as always. “Is this why you changed the sheets?” you playfully asked, he hovers on top of you slowly removing your shirt and tugging down your pyjama “Mhmm”

The cold weather and the low temperature of the air condition made you shiver both. Skin to skin, lips to lips and hands all over each other’s body. Taeyong is never rough with you when it comes to sex, it’s always passionate sex with him. But as gentle as he is during sex, he can’t get enough of you and one round isn’t enough for him. Sometimes you can only cry whenever he ask for you to cum one last time… after having seven already.

“How many rounds can you give me tonight?” Taeyong asks in between open mouth kisses, you noticed he’s hungrier than usual. Then you remembered, you haven’t had sex for the last three weeks for sure he’ll never go easy on you. You clear your throat before answering his question, “Five?” he scoffed. “How about ten? Five in my fingers and mouth and five more with my cock inside you and vibrator on your clit, hmm?” he spreads your legs without waiting for your answer, assuming that you’re fine with his plan already. “Hold my hand, squeeze it so I know I’m making you feel good okay?” you nod with a smile, you’re already turning red because of the building heat up on your body.

Holding both of his hands as he goes down to your sex, he licks your cunt slowly from the bottom to your clit. Making you moan softly and your legs quiver, “Tae-“ you sound like you’re out of breath as you chant his name over and over again. Squeezing his hand from time to time whenever he hits a good spot, spreading your legs even wider to make it feel good even more and grinding your hips to his tongue as he licks your cunt with a steady pace. “Ooh - Mmm, right there Taeyong yeah” you moan louder than earlier and you start breathing heavily. Closing your legs a bit and squeezing Taeyong in between your legs, you cum for the first time tonight.

Taeyong didn’t expect you’d cum so fast already “Still okay?” he asks as he crashes his lips on the valley of your breast all the way up to your lips, tasting a bit of yourself. You encircle your arms around him, keeping him closer to your body still weak from your first orgasm. “What, you want me to fuck you already?” he let out a sweet laugh before looking straight into your eyes. You nod.

As he rolls the condom to his cock, you’re quick to spread your legs for him. “Oh so now you’re spreading your legs for me after squeezing me earlier?” the vibrations of his giggle tickles you as he kiss you before lining his cock to your cunt. He didn’t stopped kissing you even when he’s already balls deep inside you.

“Tae let me breath” you asked of him. As you catch your breath for second, he rolled his hips a little which made you moan and roll your head back, “Sorry, I crave for you baby” he apologise with heavy breaths, hips still rolling slowly, cock stretching your cunt.

You encircle your arms around his neck pulling him closer again, “Come on Tae” you lick his lips, “I owe you nine more rounds” his pace changed a little bit faster, “Can I be rough tonight?” he grabbed you waist a little too harsh it surprised you. He gave you hard thrust that hurts so bad but it it feels good at the same time you arched your body and cum for the second time tonight. Taeyong was the first one to come down from his high and licks your nipples while cradling your arched body, watching you breath heavily and smile as you go down from your high. “Fuck Tae, I didn’t know you had it in you” he’s still licking and biting your boobs while waiting for your body to stop shivering like crazy. “Told you I crave for you tonight” and he slaps your ass and flips you on the mattress.

After that night, the following days were sweeter than ever and the sex became rougher, “no more vanilla sex” Taeyong says. Every night, you both look forward to seeing each other after a long day at work and finally releasing stress in bed together. You like to think that having rough sex every time made Taeyong even sweeter to you. Not that he’s not sweeter before, it’s just that now Taeyong is even more sweeter.

Last night when he’s in the middle of choking you while fucking you on the edge of the bed, he told you “You’re so beautiful, never leave me” and that damn made you blush you almost explode.

This morning, he wanted to skip work just to cuddle with you for the rest of the day. Even though he has multiple schedules today, he has studio work, dance practice and salon appointment. “Taeyong we could cuddle when you we get home” he whines and hovers his legs over yours, locking you in an embrace. “Five more minutes then, kiss me please” and you kissed his pout away.

The following night, he gave you a nice massage not just your feet this time, but your whole sore body. “Ugh baby, that feels good! Where did you learn all this” you mumble while you’re on your stomach, eyes closed and enjoying Taeyong’s massaging skills. “This is how they massage us whenever we have sore bodies during our concert tour” he answers, gliding his hands at your back putting a little bit of pressure.

OFF

One night, you came home from ballet practice really exhausted, tired and sore you can’t even move properly. You decided to sleep early and have a long rest but you forgot to tell Taeyong. Deep in your sleep already, you didn’t notice him when he arrived. Although you felt the bed move and you can smell Taeyong’s familiar scent, you didn’t quite catch what hes doing though. A few minutes later you felt a sting on your nipples only to find out that Taeyong is lapping on your boobs, your sleep wear rolled up to your neck.

“Baby - stop please you’re hurting me” Taeyong immediately stopped and rolled down your top, “I’m sorry - what’s wrong?” he came closer to you with a slight panic you.

“Please stop” your tone was a little bit angry but deep inside you’re not, you’re just tired.  He didn’t say a word or do something after that.

Sometimes Taeyong can overthink too much. He’s a soft man on the inside so he can get really hurt with only a few words. He overthinks too much that he already thought you’re getting tired with him, that you don’t love him anymore. He wanted to wake you up and talk to you but he’s scared you’ll get mad like earlier.

Scared to have a fight with you or even a small argument, Taeyong always leaves for work just before you wake up. The come back is getting near and he’s been pouring all his time and energy to his schedules.

You: Taeyong, you left again without saying good bye? That’s not normal, are you okay?

All you can do is send him messages before he buries himself in dance practice and also trying to reach out through phone calls but it never last longer than three minutes. It’s been days since he’s not paying attention to you and you’re starting to think that asking for attention is inappropriate at a time like this.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” you hugged him as he lay in bed beside you, tired and pissed because their manager is being a bitch during practice earlier. He doesn’t say a word to you. But you wanted to reach out and it seems like you both could need a talk.

“Tae-“ he cuts you off, even before you could even start.

“It’s not fair that you can get some rest whenever you demand it, I cant. I have an early schedule tomorrow. I’m tired, good night” and faces away to you.

That was the answer to all of your questions. He’s tired and you’re his greedy girlfriend who want his attention always. You constantly blame yourself why Taeyong is acting this way to you. Of course it’s a misunderstanding, but nonetheless it still hurts.

The both of you gone cold for a whole month, Taeyong needed to stay at the dorms and you’re left at the apartment alone. It’s not that the relationship was over and he left you alone, but that’s exactly what you feel. You’re lucky if you could get a phone call from Taeyong once a week but all you get is good morning and good night messages. It feels like your relationship with Taeyong became an imaginary relationship, like the one you used to have with Zac Efron during High School Musical.

Suddenly the apartment that you shared with him feels so big for you and you feel so lonely every night. He’s not your Taeyong anymore and this went on for almost three months, you couldn’t believe what’s happening. All you know is they’re promoting two albums back to back and that their schedules are jam-packed. You need to understand and adjust.

You have your own life you can’t stop living your life just because Taeyong is not with you at the moment. Theres an up coming audition for the main part of this year’s season, and you want to focus on perfecting your audition piece and give it your hundred percent. Which is much easier if Taeyong is here supporting you.    

Asking for a breakup and moving out from the apartment is something that will not make the situation easier. So you decided to get on with your life for the mean time, and break up with Taeyong after his busy schedules.

ON

After their two come backs which are both successful, Taeyong of coarse came back to your life. Although this time you’re the one preparing for something big now still, he tries to make it up to you. You on the other hand, is tired of being lonely and sad you just miss Taeyong’s touch and presence in your life. The break up plan was long gone the moment Taeyong showed up on the exact date of your auditions. You decided to give it another shot.

He waited for the auditions to finish and brought you a bouquet of flowers, he has dark blue hair now and you almost didn’t recognise him from afar. “Aw, Taeyong you didn’t have to” you hugged him and received the beautiful flowers, “It’s a congratulations and I’m sorry bouquet” he says shyly. You know exactly what he’s talking about. It feels so good to be coming home with him again, the apartment suddenly gain back it’s normal joyous vibe now that Taeyong is home.

Now that everything seems normal again, the bed is not cold anymore. You’re laying in bed between his legs, your back feels comfortable against his chest “I promise to never leave you again like that” you almost teared up because of what he just said but you’re tired of crying already. All you wanted to do now is be close to Taeyong, make up for lost time, and kiss him. So you did, you turned your back and faced him. Gave him a peck, just a peck and went back to your previous comfortable position.

“Really? Just a peck?” he tickled your sides until hes kneeling on the bed and you’re out of breath from laughing so hard, trying to make him stop by catching his hands. “Okay! Fine!” you’re both still giggling, “Few seconds, wait let me catch my breath first” he tickled you again but this time it’s your feet, you scream so loud and laughed so hard your tummy hurts.

The moment Taeyong stopped because he got tired, you came over to him and kissed him passionately. It felt like your first kiss with him, you’re sure fireworks were lit up the sky the moment your lips touched and your tongue swipes on his bottom lip. “Happy?” you whispered. He goes back to kissing you deeply as he answers no, I will never get enough of you. His lips go down to your covered breast from the layers of your shirt and bra, gently kneading them and hesitating to continue what he wants to do.

“What’s wrong?” you noticed somethings bothering him.

“The last time I removed your shirt, you got mad” he smiled awkwardly and stopped what he’s doing. Now you’re on his lap, needy and wet. He can’t do this to you, no, not tonight. You removed your shirt with a swift move and unclasping your bra throwing it somewhere. “Since when are you allowed to be shy around me, Taeyong? I’m yours remember?” you felt him nod and you felt his bright smile in between hungry kisses and removing each other’s clothes.

“Want to ride me tonight?” he slaps your ass while slowly laying you both back in bed and hovers on top of you.

“How many rounds do you want tonight?” you quickly made the switch to answer his question.

“As many you want” that’s new, you thought. He never made you in control before and you don’t know why you’re blushing in front of him right now. He giggles and put your hair away from your face, “What? Why are you blushing?”

You point around at his face and ruffled his hair, “this is not normal. What have you done to my Taeyong?” he tried to tickle your side again but you caught his hand and intertwined it with yours and put them on your lap making him behave.

“I just figured, I never let you do what you want when we have sex. I’m always the one tiring you and shit” he breaths in, and breaths out sharply, “Even in our relationship, I’m always the one making you sad and exhausting you-“ you kiss him before he says something that will make you cry and completely kill the vibe.

“How about we fuck without condoms tonight, hmm? You like that?” you suggest with a devilish grin, confident because you started taking pills.

“Wow-  that would really -“ he can’t form his sentence well, “I am, huh - you sure about this? pull out?” you kissed him again made him grab your boobs, “pill” you grabbed his cock without warning and pumped it a few times, he let out a loud groan when he felt his head slowly pushing in your cunt. His rambling from earlier were replaced with loud moans and sharp gasps whenever you roll your hips a little faster.  

“It feels like were having sex for the first time again, yeah?” you can only nod, busy from making Taeyong feel good beneath you and using his cock to go off.

The night became warmer for the both of you after sharing the experience of your first time having sex without a condom. Taeyong freaked out when he saw his cum drip from your cunt for the first time and it made him horny just minutes after he came inside you for the first time. “Let’s go another round babe” he asks so sweetly every after round you finish. His stamina always amazes you.

And for the first time after for so many months, you felt that his ‘i love yous’ are true and sincere. It feels like he’s saying it for the first time again.  

“I love you and I’m sorry for leaving you”

“I love you, please let me in your life again”

“I love you, you’re the one for me”

“I love you please forgive me”

The next day, a text message woke you up really early. It’s the results of the audition from yesterday and sadly you didn’t get the part you auditioned for. The part you got was decent, but it hurt you knowing that you’re not enough for the part that you’ve wanting do ever since when you’re a little girl.

Your silent cry and muffled sobs woke up Taeyong up with a slight panic. “Fuck - are you hurt? Does anything hurt?” he thought you were crying because of last night. You shook your head and showed him the results.

Taeyong is quick to put you in his arms and comfort you. It’s everything you needed. “I want you to acknowledge your skills, you’ve gone so far and you did it by yourself take credit for that” he runs his delicate fingers through your sex hair from last night. “I’ll be with you all throughout the process. Please stop crying, I hate seeing you cry”

Of course Taeyong took care of you like you’re one of his members. Gave insightful comments every time you show him a video of you from practice. He gave out helpful criticism that made you want to push more and work even harder.

On days that you just need your boyfriend and you’re so tired from dancing, he will always sing for you and make you laugh until you feel better. He even showers with you whenever you’re too sore to even scrub your own body.

“Taeyong,” he hums while massaging your feet from the other side of the bath tub. “Thank you”

“What for?” he asked kissing your feet before taking the other one.

“I just want to thank you. I feel like I haven’t been thanking you enough for everything you’re doing for me” you’ve never felt so shy in front of Taeyong. He crawls in between your legs, giving your lips a quick peck and going back to his comfortable side.

“I’m your boyfriend, it’s my job to take care of your sexy ass” he tickled your feet and you let out a soft, “aw” because your muscles ache whenever you move too much. “I’m sorry, I forgot, I’ll get your towel” you laugh at how he panics.

OFF

The most awaited ballet season of the year is during Christmas and you’ve been working your ass off during ballet practice. Two months have passed during the preparation and in two weeks time the performance will take place. All you wanted to do is dance and be perfect. You’ve got thinner because of the company diet but somehow you felt weaker so you overthink and practice more.

Not to mention that you and Taeyong were fighting like crazy these past few days because he can’t get a hold of you. He thinks you’re overworking yourself and soon you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t rest sooner or later. It’s not that he’s wrong, actually he’s right in so many things. But he can’t understand the pressure you’re in, your constant want to prove your company director that you have something special and that you’ve improved a lot.

“If you get hurt before the big day, that’s a bigger loss. Everyone from your company is taking a rest on weekends, I know because were on the same field. Baby please listen to me, rest and come to bed with me” Taeyong begs.

“You don’t understand what Im going through Taeyong because you’re perfect! You’re your company’s favorite idol how can you understand what I’m going through” you probably hurt him with all those words but you’re just angry, annoyed and frustrated all at the same time you couldn’t stop yourself.

“I just wanted take care of you, that’s all” and he leaves your studio without another word. You only got mad to yourself even more for being so harsh to Taeyong. Admitting that you’re wrong you weakly removed your shoes and contemplate for some time.

Later that night, you found Taeyong sleeping on the couch without any blanket and you can tell that he’s cold. You walked quietly to your shared room and grabbed the blanket that you two always share. Slowly and gently, you snuggle beside Taeyong on the couch laying comfotable beside him. His arms automatically pulled you in closer to him, you can’t believe the patience this man holds.

“You awake?” you whisper softly, trying to stop your tears from falling.

“I already forgive you” he already knew that you’re going to apologise.

“Then what are you here? Why didn’t you wait for me in bed?”

“Hmm. Well, theres a possibility that you will still sulk - Mmaybe you don’t like to sleep beside me tonight. Didn’t expect for you to come here actually” he softly explains, eyes still closed.

“You’re right I dont like to sleep beside you tonight” he opened his eyes, but you laughed the moment you saw how his face turned from soft to stern. “Oh your duality always amazes me” you boops his nose, “I’m just kidding. Come on lets come to bed-“ you were just about to stand up but he pulled you close again and kept you close.

“Lets sleep here for a change” he boops your nose and kissed you good night.

You woke up with a sore body because the couch wasn’t so comfortable for two people to sleep in for the whole night. It’s 8am already and you only got half an hour to get ready and head to practice.

When you came in late, you got additional three hour practice as your punishment today. Taeyong will surely get mad when you get home. Besides being late today, you also forgot to put on bandaids from the bruises you got from last night and now your feet will surely bleed.

At the end of the day, you’re right Taeyong did got mad because of the extra practice hours. You were so tired you didn’t even spare a word for him and head straight to your shared room to sleep. You didn’t even bother changing clothes and just closed your eyes and drifted.

Thankful that the next day is rest day, you woke up with clean clothes and tended bruises. He came in with a breakfast tray careful not to spill the coffee, “Good morning superstar” he kissed your temple and sat on his side of the bed.

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry” he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles, “You were tired last night and all I did was shout at you when it’s my fault in the first place” he kissed it again and you were speechless the whole time, “We will never fight again, I promise”  

ON

The most awaited performance was great, Taeyong watched with Doyoung and they both cried seeing you dance on stage. Your heart is filled with emotions and you feel so accomplished because all of your hard work payed off well. The director noticed your big improvements and promised to give you more opportunities on the next season.

After this year’s ballet season, everything went back to normal with Taeyong. No more fights, and more room to talk to each other. More love making and less rough sex. Do new things with Taeyong every month including understanding the world of kpop.

It has been years since you kissed Taeyong for a stupid dare, and you’re still crazy in love with him.

Now you’re sitting on the tub, enjoying the warm water while you wait for Taeyong to come join you.  He came into the bathroom with his favorite scented candle already lit making the bathroom smell like apple and vanilla.

He turned off the bathroom lights before joining you, sitting behind you making you in between his long legs. He pulls you to lay on his chest and gently massage your fingers tired from working.

“What do you think about, Jade?” You feel the vibrations from his chest against your back when he answers you, “Not bad. But lets have other options” you hum longer than before, staring at the marble wall of your bathroom while drawing circles on Taeyong’s lap underwater. “Elie Ruby? We could call her Elie instead?” Your new suggestion made him laugh, and you smiled because he sounds so amused.

“Were not naming our baby after my dog. I love her but, my love for our baby is different” this time Taeyong is the one humming, wetting your hair and putting bubbles on top of your head. “How about I ask the boys tomorrow? Besides we don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy” You turned your back to face him with a smile.

“You’re finally going to tell them?” splashing some water out of of excitement.

“Yes. Now go back to your last position, I want you to relax” and so you did, still smiling like a fool you feel Taeyong caressing your tummy underwater humming a song you’re not familiar with. Maybe he wrote a song for the baby. That was fast, you’re only 2 weeks pregnant and Taeyong already has a song.

“Im sorry for not marrying you first” ah marriage, you thought. Since Taeyong is still in his prime for being an idol, you both planned not to get married yet even though you’re dying to say “I do” already.

You felt his hands creep up to your boobs his fingertips feels good against your nipples. “Close your eyes” he whispered and tingles spread across your body in an instant making your lips part and let out an involuntary moan.

Hearing just the sounds of his sweet kisses on your neck slowly travelling on your shoulders. What he’s doing now is indeed relaxing.

Still kissing your body, Taeyong whispers sweet promises that makes your heart at ease. “I will make you happy. Every second of the day” embracing you from behind, admiring how you fit perfectly between his legs. “Just have more patience baby. We will have a happy marriage”

You don’t know how exactly to react with everything he’s doing right now. Taeyong is providing you calm with his presence but making you horny with his hands around your body. When you finally opened your eyes, you turned your back facing him again. Now its your turn to kiss him and show him love.

While kissing him slowly with lust and adoration, you grab his hard cock underwater and stroke it up and down. Closing his eyes shut he pulls away from the kiss to let out a soft airy moan and relaxes his head on the cold marble wall. “Baby” he gulps, “Dont stop” taking this opportunity to kiss his exposed neck, you’re careful not to leave marks. His moans got louder when he said he’s near, and in a matter of seconds you see the tip of his cock underwater let out white fluids. “You’re always making me feel good, do you know that? I was really exhausted from practice today”

After washing up and having a proper bath, Taeyong was the one putting on lotion around your body. Spreading the Shea Butter scented lotion he gave to you and putting some on his body. Not bothering to put on some clothes, Taeyong brings you to your bed and kissed every inch of you. “Do you wanna have sex tonight?” He asked, lips all over your body and his fingers playing with your wet folds.

“Just make me cum then lets sleep. Were both tired from work baby. You need rest. Lots of rest” you heard him say a soft ‘okay’ before you feel his lips against your pussy. And without any warning, he insert a digit while he licks at your pussy from the bottom to your clit slowly. Making you close your legs but his freehand is quick to grab one of your leg and puts it right above his shoulders, giving him a better angle. Licking you in an animalistic pace, you cum on his face your pussy earning a good kiss from him. That made you smile.

When he finally lay beside you, you dried your juices on his face using a tissue from your bedside. “I thought you’re tired. That was good” you said still panting. He hums and you see his eyelids closing already. Yeah he’s tired. You pull up your soft covers making him comfortable hoping he will get a good night sleep.

After closing the lamp light and making yourself comfortable beside Taeyong, he murmurs a sweet “I love you and our angel” before pulling you closer to him and finally sleeping.

“We love you too.”

................................................. Masterlist

So as I’ve mentioned to my notes above, it’s inspire by true events. Yes I’m a dancer, at least I’m used to be. Not ballet though but I have knowledge about it. My ex is a dancer too, and basically we’ve been trying to make it work even though we both have busy schedules everyday. And that’s basically it, we’ve been on and off and off and on just like keshi said in the song,  “when we stop, we never stop” idk for me that phrase spoke to me like how you wanted so bad to leave in a relationship but you can’t because you always find excuses to be with each other until eventually someone stops caring. 

I’ve been thinking about on posting this though, because my recent Mark fic didn’t get any recognition at all... and its the first time thats happened so I wonder why. 

Thank you for reading!

[dreamescapeswriting]

The Writing Game ~ KNJ [Request]

↬↬↬Word Count: 3.3K

↬↬↬Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

↬↬↬Genre: Producer AU, fluffy, cute, first kiss, first I love you, confessions

"Are you willing to put money on that?" That's all you'd heard when you walked into the lounge in the BigHit building that night, it had been a super long day and you were ready to sleep but you'd heard Jimin first and wondered what he was talking about. Your eyes left your phone to see Jimin, Jungkook and Namjoon all staring at one another,

"Are you placing bets on Jin and his girlfriend again?" They'd been placing bets on how long it would take for Jin or his girlfriend to call off the wedding that they had been planning for months, your hand came into contact with the back of Jimin's head and Jungkook ducked so you couldn't get to him. 

"No! We're betting on something else." You smirked dropping down between Jimin and Jungkook, 

"Let's hear it then," You waited for a response but it was clear none of them were going to tell you what it was so you got up from the seat and walked over to Namjoon. He had been one of your best friends at BigHit, you'd been writing and producing music with him for years. 

"Joonie, what is it they're doing?" You put out your bottom lip putting on the sweetest act you could while trailing your hands over his shoulders. 

"T-They're placing bets on who could make the best song for the album." Jimin frowned hearing Namjoon stutter, he had no idea that you had that effect on his leader but now he'd seen it he wanted to see it again. 

"We know you're the best team but when we put our heads together, we're better." You scoffed at Jimin's comment rubbing Namjoon's shoulders, you had no idea the things you did to Namjoon. He'd had a huge crush on you when you first started working there but he never did anything about it because of the company rules. ''No dating other staff members'' It was a simple rule to follow but not for Namjoon, he felt himself falling harder for you every day you spent time together.

"That's the biggest lie, me and Namjoon could kick your ass with our eyes closed." You scoffed moving away from Namjoon and sitting back down with the boys, Jimin smirked. It was going to be easier than ever to make you work together so closely. Namjoon caught on pretty quick to what Jimin was hinting at, 

"Jimin we're busy Y/n doesn't want to bother herself-"

"Sure I do, Namjoon we're the best and we'll win in no time." Your confidence was boosting any other time Namjoon would have jumped at the chance but he could tell there was a catch from Jimin coming,

"We have until Friday to finish a song each and then we'll present it to Bang PD at the end of the week." Jimin clapped his hands together before Namjoon could even say no you were already shaking on it and writing up the rules to make sure there would be no cheating going on. 

"Namjoon come on, we've worked on things together a million times I thought it would be fun...Are you mad at me?" The thought of Namjoon being mad at you made your heart hurt, he'd always been one of your many inspirations at work and also the guy you'd been madly in love with for the last six years....No one was ever going to know that though, not when you could hide your love for him in songs that he and the boys would sing to. 

"I'm not mad I'm just tired Y/n," You could tell by the tone of his voice it wasn't true, that he was clearly mad about something but wasn't about to sit and tell you all of his problems. 

"Then let's call it a night, we've been here all day and we both know we can write a banger in a couple of days anyway." It was true, you'd done it before. Writing hit songs with Namjoon by your side was one of the easiest things, you could bounce ideas off one another easily, nothing was ever off-limits to talk, rap or sing about together.

"Why don't we use one of our drafts and just say we wrote it?" He grumbled at you, he didn't want to be sat in a room with you all week, having his emotions run high whenever you sat close to him or smiled at him. His eyes landed on your face and he saw you tearing up, he instantly realised how much of a dick he was sounding and he felt bad,

"It's not that I don't want to Y/n it's just-"

"It's whatever, just tell Jimin we lose." He took hold of your wrist promising you that he would take it seriously tomorrow after he'd gone home and gotten some rest. 

"Go home, get rested and come back tomorrow okay?" He questioned looking deep into your eyes he wanted to make sure he hadn't hurt your feelings, it was one of the last things he'd ever want to do.

"Sure." You smiled reassuringly at him and grabbed your car keys, 

"Do you want a ride back?" He shook his head at the question, he'd ridden his bike that morning so he would just ride that home instead. 

Tuesday:

The whole morning you and Namjoon had been sat in his studio trying to decide if it was going to be a classic love song or if he wanted to do something completely different. Deciding that both of you wanted to write about love,

"Who do you think about when you're writing?" You questioned looking away from your piece of paper, you had pages full of small lyrical paragraphs all about the guy sitting right across from you on the sofa inside of his office. You had your legs resting against his while he had his resting against the sofa hiding the pad from you which, much like yours, was covered in small paragraphs about you.

"Just someone I hold dear, you?" You looked down at the page, you don't know why you'd expected him to say you. You'd always hoped he liked you but as the years went by you realised there was nothing there between you except friendship. 

"Same really," He frowned looking at you, you were scribbling things down like crazy and you had the look of sadness across your face. 

"Did they hurt you?" You laughed softly, you felt pathetic telling him all of this since it was him you were truly talking about. 

"No, he doesn't even know I like him." His hands clutched onto the pen he was holding, you liked someone- You loved someone? He wasn't angry with you he was angry at whoever was taking you away from him...Not that you were his but someone else held you close to them and hurt you with it. 

"Why don't you tell him?" You scoffed loudly and started laughing at the statement almost forgetting that it was him you were talking about, 

"He's not interested in me like that, I just need to deal with it and move on." Namjoon nodded along to what you were saying feeling slightly hopeful that you were willing to move on from whoever was hurting you like this,

"What if we channelled that?" You frowned not following along with what he was asking of you, 

"Wrote a song about moving on? Or feeling heartbreak?" You nodded a little trying to think of ways you could work it out, you didn't want to move on from Namjoon but getting the feelings of your heart being broken up would help a little, it was a genre of song you weren't exactly good in though. 

"I've never tried heartbreak songs-"

"I'll help," He rushed his sentence a little too much but he was desperate to help you move on, he didn't like seeing you hurt he wanted to do something he knew would help, channelling emotions helped him and he knew for a fact that he helped you a lot as well. 

Wednesday: 

The whole Tuesday was spent writing lyrics together while Namjoon went onto the piano, you were going to have a slow song. Heartbreak was meant to be about channelling all of your emotions and effort into the one song and feeling each lyric that you were going to be singing. Namjoon had decided to add a small rap into the song as a verse, writing about how he felt about you. All of the heartbreak he felt around you and how he could never be with you, how you could never truly be his when you were in love with someone else. Today had been a long day and you hadn't had time to come and produce some of the song with Namjoon. You were supposed to be working on it together but he knew how busy you got when you came into work. It wasn't just BTS that you worked with, you worked with a lot of the other groups in the building along with your own work that you never let anyone see or hear.

"I've been with Soobin and the boys all day I'm sorry." You said to Namjoon when you saw him coming out of his office, he shook his head promising you that it was fine but it didn't feel fine to you, 

"I finished putting the backing onto a track it's fine-"

"No, Namjoon we're supposed to work together." He placed his hand on your wrist, he knew for a fact that you had been in the big hit building from 5 am that morning because he'd checked the staff sign-in sheet when he came in. You were always pulling those, coming in super early and not leaving until really late, Namjoon hated that you pushed yourself like this but he also adored how dedicated to it you were that you were willing to do all of the overtime if it meant it would pay off. 

"Go home, we're done for the day I promise." You nodded along not planning on listening to him,

"Want a ride?" You asked you knew for a fact that he didn't need one because you could see the keys to his bike lock in his hand and the helmet in his bag 

"No I'm okay, come on." You walked towards the elevator together you were trying to act a though you were really going to leave and not come back into the building when you knew he wasn't going to be there. 

The moment you knew Namjoon was gone you rushed back up to his studio, removing the spare key from your bag and making your way inside. Everything was still on his three monitors and you smiled walking over to them and sitting down in the huge chair he liked to use. You just wanted to hear what he had done with the track and then maybe improve on it a little, it had to be perfect since it was about him and he didn't even know it. You wanted it to sound so good that Jimin would cry the moment he heard you both singing on the track, you hit play and the song began to come in from the speakers. None of the singing you had recorded was there yet but the piano playing along to the tune you'd written was.

Clicking the space bar again you tried to pause it but somehow - even though you'd been using the system for years - it deleted the entire piano section, along with the singing piece you'd recorded for the song. 

"What?! No!" You yelled trying to undo it but the computer kept crashing the system, 

"Fuck he's going to kill me." You whimpered pulling up a new project and going to input the singing back on only to see that it was deleted from the entire system. Everything except for the piano which was within a different folder was gone. You were going to be in for a long night of rerecording the lyrics and the producing it all before you went home.

Thursday:

Namjoon came in early that morning, he wanted to make sure you hadn't done what he thought you were going to do - sneak back inside and do some extra work. 

"You have a present in your studio," Jimin smirked as he came out of the elevator on the ground floor, JImin had walked in and saw you asleep wearing one of Namjoon's hoodies and a pair of leggings it must have been cold there last night. 

"What are you-" Namjoon cut himself short when he remembered that Jimin knew about the crush he had on you and was doing this to force Namjoon to face his feelings about it. 

"She's up there?" Jimin nodded frowning when he saw a look of annoyance spread across Namjoon's face, 

"What's wrong? I thought you liked Y/n?" Namjoon groaned trying to push his floor button but Jimin slapped his hand away wanting to get answers, 

"I do and you know that which is why you're doing this but I told her not to come in last night, she's exhausted Jimin." He pushed the younger boy out of his lift and waited for the doors to clothes. He couldn't help but think about how tired you must be since you'd been there possibly all day. 

Opening the door to his studio he was surprised to see you with your head resting on the table, he walked further into the room and sighed when he saw that you were asleep. 

"I told you not to come back in here," He whispered scooping you up from the chair being careful so that he wouldn't wake you up, you clearly needed the sleep if you were asleep at the desk. As he laid you down on his sofa you let out a moan before mumbling something and turning over, he smiled hearing you like that and went to get a blanket. He knew that you were in his hoodie, it was one of the favourites he owed and kept at the studio - truth be told he kept it there hoping that you would borrow it whenever you got too cold around him. 

"Namjoon-ah." You mumbled in your sleep as he laid the blanket over your body. You snuggled against it waking up but not opening your eyes. 

"You're cute when you're asleep," You heard him whisper, you kept your eyes shut trying not to flicker them or give any clue to the fact that you were now awake and listening to everything he was saying, 

"I wish I could tell you how I feel you know...Even if it wasn't for this whole staff members aren't allowed to date I don't think I could ever tell you." His hand pushed some hair out of your face but he smiled looking at you, 

"I don't think I'd have the confidence to tell you how I feel about you." Your heart clenched at the thought fo Namjoon having any kind of feelings about you, all of this time you'd thought he just saw you as nothing but an annoying sister or something.  

"Being in love with you has helped me write so many songs I think I could produce 16 albums all with 22 tracks each." He chuckled at himself before leaving a small kiss on your forehead, 

"Get some sleep darling," As soon as the door clicked your sat up and looked around the small office trying to gather your thoughts together. 

Friday:

You went home Thursday without seeing Namjoon, you could see him while you were trying to process everything he had said to you, it was a lot. That he was in love with you and wasn't even planning on telling you? Now that you knew you had no idea what to do with yourself if you were supposed to face him knowing that the guy you loved loved you back. 

"Y/n?!" You dropped the bag you were carrying, you had been attempting to sneak into the lounge without being seen but Jimin was stood behind you wondering what you were doing. 

"What are you doing?" He questioned watching as you bent down to pick up the bag and stand up to him again, 

"I was going to wor-"

"You have presentations with Namjoon, we're about to show Bang PD the songs-"

"He finished it?!" You hadn't expected Namjoon to do all of the work so you followed along with Jimin towards one of the conference rooms. They were really taking this seriously, the conference rooms weren't normally available to you or any of the boys for that matter.

"Nice of you to join us," Jungkook smirked at you - standing at the front of the conference room getting ready to show their boss their work. PD smiled at you as you bowed to him before sitting down on a chair next to Namjoon. 

"You finished it without me?" You whispered looking at him, he was avoiding looking at you but he nodded watching Jimin and Jungkook as they explained what their song was about and began playing it. It was a great song and something that they were used to writing about, 

"Namjoon." PD said pointing at you both, you both got up and began explaining the meanings behind it all. 

"We decided to go for a heartbreak song, Y/n did the main vocals and I added a rap in for a verse." The music began to play and instantly you felt insecure, the night you'd spent recording came rushing back to you as you poured every emotion you felt for Namjoon into each lyric. 

"I think it's clear who the winner is," Bang PD said as he looked over at Jimin and Jungkook who were now crying together, he slid a box of tissues over to them and turned to look at you. 

"I can see I made a big mistake hiring you though Miss Y/l/n." Your heart fell out of your chest hitting the floor and smashing into a million pieces, 

"I should have signed you, your voice is incredible." Namjoon held onto you as you stumbled backwards a little bit.

"We will be talking soon, I have another meeting." You nodded and watched as he walked out of the room as if he hadn't just proposed hiring you to be one of his employees instead of someone that worked behind the scenes. 

"Y/n! That's incredible news!" Namjoon screamed you jumped up and down turning around and throwing your arms around him wanting to celebrate. 

"Namjoon-ah!" You giggled pulling away from him slowly but you locked eyes. After that it was like there was no one else in the room with you, Jimin and Jungkook weren't sitting there staring at you anymore you were just looking at one another.

"What?" Namjoon asked as you turned your head to the side, he frowned wondering what you were doing. His heart was racing having you this close to his face but he wasn't about to push you away. 

"I love you too." You whispered before smashing your lips against his. His eyes widened as he heard you say the four words he'd been dying to hear but as soon as he came to reality his eyes fluttered shut. Wrapping his arms around your waist he drew you closer to him wanting to keep this kiss going for as long as possible, he was too afraid he would wake up and it would have all bee some kind of ultra-realistic dream he was having about it. 

"We...We're just going to leave." Jimin cleared his throat but neither of you heard him and Jungkook getting up and leaving the room together, you were too busy getting lost in your own worlds to bother with them.

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies @snowy-meowl @jooniesdarlingdimples @lynnthevirgo @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @fan-ati--c @callingmyangel @rjsmochii @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie​ @innersooya​ 

[lunaverseimagine]

Die a Happy Man

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Prompt: The song Die A Happy Man by Thomas Rhett (would recommend playing it when it’s mentioned in the fic)

Moodboard by the incredible @schlongbottom​, thanks again, it’s so gorgeous <3

Summary: Fluffier than my whole stuffed animal collection.

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: Alcohol, mentions of feeling self conscious

Fic:

You stood at a very obscure angle in front of the mirror to study the way your red dress clung to certain parts of your body and hung loose at others. Sighing, you made the decision to dump the dress onto your growing pile of rejects and search for another one, but before you could someone caught your eye in the mirror.

“Rem,” you smiled shyly, feeling very self-conscious, “I know, I’m gonna change, just give me fi-”

“Change?” Remus walked over from where he’d been leaning on the door frame and stood behind you with his hands on your shoulders. You met his eyes in the mirror. “Y/n/n, I just-” he paused, trying to frame his words in a way that would make you believe what he was saying. “If only you could see what I see, you’d know exactly how beautiful you are.”

You leaned back into your boyfriend as he wrapped his arms around you, placing a kiss on your head. You held onto him, appreciating the way he always encouraged you to have confidence in yourself.

After a few moments Remus spoke up. “Right, I think it’s probably time to get going.” 

--

The dinner had been delightful. You’d chosen your favourite muggle restaurant, and you’d had delicious main courses accompanied by a bottle of wine, before sharing an extra large ice cream for dessert. Both you and Remus didn’t want the night to end yet, which is how you found yourselves strolling along the pavements of your suburban village at a quarter to midnight.

“Rem, look.” You came to a stop, head tilted back, eyes focused on the gorgeous expanse of stars filling the sky. He wrapped his arm around your waist as he joined you in stargazing, pointing out various constellations. You smiled fondly when he pointed out Canis Major, the constellation which Sirius belonged to.

Throughout the conversation you noticed some of the stars disappearing as they were slowly covered by clouds. Then sure enough, you felt a drop of rain land on your head. You hugged yourself, trying to fight the shivers suddenly threatening your body.

Without a word Remus took off his blazer and draped it over your shoulders, making eye contact with you the whole time.

“Aren’t you going to be cold?”

He chuckled, holding you close to him. “I always feel warm when I’m around you.”

You admired the crinkle at the corner of his eyes as he smiled down at you. You inched towards him until your lips were pressed together, your fingers laced in his hair. His fingertips grazed circles on the small of your back as the kiss deepened, you on your tip-toes to get as close as possible.

Eventually you pulled apart, breathing heavily, your hands now cupping his neck.

“Rem, dance with me.”

Remus shook his head, but he was wearing a big grin. “It’s raining, and there isn’t even music.”

“I don’t need music when I have you.” He pressed another kiss to your lips as you started swaying together. The rain became heavier, sticking your hair to your face, but you were so full of happiness and love that it didn’t matter. Then Remus started twirling you around, and the two of you were laughing, and Remus thought that he was the luckiest man in the world.

--

The following day you’d had a lie-in, resting your head on Remus’ chest as the sunlight shone through the curtains in your bedroom. Your legs were tangled with Remus’, and he ran his hand soothingly through your hair.

When you’d finally got out of bed, you made pancakes together. Some syrup had got on your nose, which Remus was more than happy to remove with a kiss.

Remus had suggested that you have another date night, but staying in this time. So for the second day in a row you found yourself stood in front of the mirror, feeling more and more frustrated at the growing reject pile. As you were desperately fishing for something to wear in the back of your drawers, you found the black dress that you’d bought just before the war but never had the chance to wear. You were a few years older now, sure that it wouldn’t be flattering anymore, but you were running out of options so you put it on anyway. 

When you looked in the mirror, you let out an involuntary gasp. You felt a voice in your head say Remus is right, you are beautiful, and you smiled at your reflection. Standing up straight, feeling happy with how you looked, you made your way downstairs where Remus waiting for you.

His eyes moved up and down your body as his jaw slackened. “Y/n, you’re… well you’re…”

“Beautiful, I know.” You rested your hands on his waist, looking into his eyes. “Thank you for helping me have confidence in myself.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead. “And you’re pretty handsome yourself, you know.” He just chuckled, averting his eyes from your gaze. You frowned slightly, wanted to give him the same confidence he’d given you. “I mean it Rem. You’re beautiful.” You let your fingers trace the scars on his face. “Every bit of you.”

--

After you’d eaten dinner (you’d ordered food because neither of you wanted to cook), you cuddled on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

“I- I wanted to show you something, y/n.” Remus said, hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“What is it?” You asked curiously, laying a hand on his leg to show your support.

“It’s just this silly thing that I’ve been working on, you probably-”

“I bet it’s not silly.” He chuckled and murmured a response, before reaching down the back of the sofa and lifting up a guitar. 

You sat still for a moment in shock. “You play the guitar?”

“I’ve been practising a bit while you’re at work, nothing impressive. I just- well I’ve written a song for you. I hope that’s ok?”

You felt tears well in your eyes. 

“Of course that’s ok!” 

Remus cleared his throat and started strumming softly.

“Baby, last night was hands down One of the best nights That I've had no doubt”

You’d had no idea how gorgeous his voice was - so smooth and heartfelt.

“Between the bottle of wine And the look in your eyes and the Marvin Gaye Then we danced in the dark under September stars in the pourin' rain”

You felt a huge smile on your face as you shook your head in disbelief. You’d had such a wonderful night, but you didn’t realise it meant so much to Remus that he would write it in a song.

“And I know that I can't ever tell you enough That all I need in this life is your crazy love”

As Remus sang these lyrics he looked you straight in  the eye, and you let the tears fall down your cheeks as you looked right back at him.

“If I never get to see the Northern lights Or if I never get to see the Eiffel Tower at night Oh, if all I got is your hand in my hand Baby, I could die a happy man”

The love you had for this man before you was indescribable. You’d never felt so whole, so complete, so full of joy.

“Baby, that red dress brings me to my knees Oh, but that black dress makes it hard to breathe”

You had to summon a tissue to wipe away the tears. Remus loved and accepted every bit of you, even when you struggled to accept yourself. You were the luckiest witch in the world.

“You're a saint, you're a Goddess, The cutest, the hottest, A masterpiece It's too good to be true, Nothing better than you In my wildest dreams And I know that I can't ever tell you enough That all I need in this life is your crazy love”

You put your head in your hands as you let his words sink in, feeling so overwhelmed with emotion.

“If I never get to see the Northern lights Or if I never get to see the Eiffel Tower at night Oh, if all I got is your hand in my hand Baby, I could die a happy man”

Remus’ eyes didn’t leave yours for the whole of the last chorus, and you could see the tears glistening in them to match your own. When he’d strummed the last chord you threw your arms around his neck, crying freely.

“Rem.. that was- that was perfect. You’re perfect.”

You shared a kiss full of passion, guitar now on the floor as you closed the space between you and Remus. He broke away and looked at you with a sincerity and determination that you’d never seen on anyone before.

“You’re perfect too y/n. Which is why-” he paused as he got off the sofa, reaching into his trouser pocket. Your eyes widened as he got down on one knee and held a gorgeous diamond ring out in front of him.

“You make every day a privilege to live, you make me want to be a better man, and you fill my world with colour and beauty and sheer joy. If you’d let me, I’d love to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you’ve already made me. Y/n y/l/n, would you do me the honour of being my wife?”

Tears were streaming so fast down your face that you could barely get words out, so you nodded as vigorously as you could in response, and you and Remus both jumped up. He held you and spun you round and round, before sliding the ring onto your finger. It was a perfect fit.

End

Ahhh this is my first full fic in a while, I hope you enjoyed it!! Honestly I was almost crying while writing 😭 but hopefully this makes up for my evil angst drabble of a Remus proposal... (sorry @l0ttadreamz 😆)

If you did enjoy this then please feel free to leave feedback or check out my other stuff. Thank you so much for reading 💖💛💖

[artificialqueens]

Cause Somewhere in the Crowd (There's You) (Diamond Chaney) - Plegdoctor

A/N: Not much to say for this one really, just a short Diamond Chaney girlband au based off Super Trouper by ABBA. Enjoy!

--

The other girls were more excited than she was, unpacking the van and chatting animatedly while all Lawrence could do was stare around. The building in front of her was imposing in more ways than one – physically huge, towering over her and casting a shadow on the otherwise sunny day, but also mentally imposing. Lawrence can still remember walking into it when she was a small girl in primary school, brown hair in neat plaits and eyes as wide as saucers as she hung onto her best friend’s hand and gaped.

Now she’s standing in front of it, brown hair dyed a vibrant purple and thrown into a ponytail at the top of her head, her eyes wide as saucers, and her hand empty.

It had all gone a bit too far really, starting with Bimini slamming their fists on the table in year 12 and excitedly suggesting they start a girlband (“Well, three girls and me innit”) and Lawrence can’t trace her finger along what happened next to lead her to standing in Glasgow, a sinking feeling in her stomach as she realises what she’s doing there.

“You alright babe?” Lawrence turns to look down on Bimini, standing next to her with a concerned frown on their face. “Excited to be back in your hometown?”

Lawrence forces a laugh, a fake smile slipping onto her face in an action that more natural than she would care to admit. “Loving it Bim.”

Bimini grins. “Good. Just think, it’ll be like facing 20,000 of your friends.”

Lawrence’s snort is genuine at Bimini’s words, her eyes rolling fondly at the never-ending optimism of her tiny friend. “I don’t think there’s quite that many seats, babes.”

Self-proclaimed monarch of the PMA, Bimini simply shrugs and pivots to run towards Tayce who is three seconds away from dropping the crate full of water on her foot. Lawrence watches the scenes with a hint of amusement, the weighted feeling in her stomach settling. Her mind goes back to Bimini’s words, the thought of facing 20,000 of your friends. There’s only one friend that Lawrence wants to face when she’s on stage tonight – and that friend is currently on the other side of Scotland in her hairdressing salon.

The thought weighs on her mind until it’s pressing against her cranium and cracking her skull by the time she’s thrown herself across the hotel bed and sighed for approximately the 50 millionth time.

Lawrence loves what she does. She does. She loves her friends, Bimini, Tayce, and A’whora. She loves the process of writing new songs, long hours locked in the studio throwing harmonies and lyrics around until it just sounds like pure gibberish. She (secretly) loves learning the choreography that Tayce insists they must do, repeating the wee steps until her body finally moves in the right way and Tayce enthusiastically high fives her. She loves getting into costume and makeup, the process transforming her from Lawrence Chaney who got picked on in school into international popstar Lawrence Chaney who regularly performs on the biggest stages all around the world with her girlband.

They’ve worked hard for what they have too. Lawrence likes to tell people that becoming a household name is no overnight feat. From the day that Bimini first suggested it, to the joyful tears rolling down their faces as they came second on the X Factor, to their first single blowing up. They’ve worked hard every step of the way and been rewarded for it.

So why does Lawrence feel so ready to give it up? Part of the success that never ends is continuing to work, but for the past two months Lawrence has done nothing but eat, sleep, and sing. Her throat is raw and at moments she thinks she’s going crazy.

Her eyes catch her phone, dressed up in the delightfully tacky pink phone case that was a gift from Ellie for her last birthday. She picks it up and the screen flickers to life, displaying a picture of two girls with their heads close together and identical smiles.

Lawrence hasn’t spoken to her in far too long. Recently the whirlwind of life has swept her up to much for her to even think straight let alone have a conversation with a human being who is not also obsessively repeating lyrics under their breath.

“Hey.”

It’s a lonely word.

“Hey. It’s good to hear from you.”

Then Lawrence hears that voice, that accent that is so soft in her ear, and she could cry.

“I didn’t disturb you did I?”

“No hen, it’s fine, I only jumped so much at the ringing of my phone that I shaved some wee granny’s curls off but I’m sure she’ll forgive me.”

Ellie’s bored and matter of fact tone makes Lawrence burst out a laugh. “Poor Doreen, she’s really got to stop trusting you with those clippers.”

She can only imagine the way the corner’s of Ellie’s mouth might turn up at her teasing. “How is the salon anyway?”

“It’s in good hands. But babe, forget the salon, how’s your tour going?”

Even Ellie, the girl who knows her better than anyone else in the world, is excited for Lawrence and that only breaks her heart more. She grins ruefully, despite the knowledge that Ellie can’t see her.

“Honestly? I’ve been wishing that every show was the last show.”

Ellie’s little high-pitched noise of protest comes from her throat, her mouth undoubtedly in a little O shape with her eyebrows sliding upwards. “But you’ve only just got to Glasgow! You wouldn’t want to miss that!”

“Do you remember that trip to the theatre in primary school?”

A beat of silence at the other end of the line. “Of course I do. The one where I almost threw up on the bus because you fed me too many sweets?”

Lawrence chuckles. “Aye. Love how that’s the thing you remember about it.”

Miles away, Ellie shrugs cheekily. “I never forget friend abuse.”

“You’re such a wee cow, you know that right?”

“All part of my charm.”

“Anyway, being here is just making me realise how much I miss home. Tour is great Els, but I miss everything. I miss you.”

Ellie laughs. Lawrence shoots up in the hotel bed in outrage. “I just poured my heart out to you and you laugh at me?”

“First of all, not sure saying you miss me is pouring your heart out.”

She’s glad she chose to do this alone in the room and not anywhere near the other girls. She can’t begin to imagine the way that A’whora would pounce on her flushed face.

“Second of all, I wasn’t going to tell you this but I have a surprise for you. Listen.”

Ellie switches the phone to speakerphone and holds it away from her ear. In contrast, Lawrence presses her ear against the screen harder, knuckles white as she grips the pink case.

At first she can’t hear anything, just the faint murmuring of people talking in the background. She strains to listen for the sounds of hairdryers and flowing water. None of that comes and Lawrence lets out a huff of frustration.

“Ellie, explain to me exactly what the fuck I’m meant to be listening for?”

This train will depart at Glasgow.

Lawrence’s mouth dries completely.

“You’re coming to Glasgow?”

“No, just got on the train there for a bit of fun, I’m going straight back. Might not even get off the train it’s so comfy.”

“Get to fuck Els, I’m meant to be the funny one in this relationship.” Her mouth might be dry but her eyes aren’t, small jewels of tears welling up and threatening to spill over with every shaking word.

“I’m taking that title for now. I just need you to be the famous one in this relationship. You can do that, can’t you?”

“Ellie, for you I would do this entire tour all over again.”

Closer to her than she realises, Ellie smiles. “Good. See you on stage.”

“I’ll be thinking about you only.”

The call ends with a smile on Lawrence’s lips and a single tear sliding down her cheek. Suddenly she feels alright. And it’s gonna be so different when she’s on the stage tonight.

--

“Alright slags! Lawrence’s hometown so we’re gonna rock it just as hard as we always do. Hands in and United Kingdolls on three! One, two, three, United Kingdolls!” All four of them cheer, hoisting their hands in the air.

Their little preshow chanting may seem silly to other people but they’ve always done it. Even when it was only them singing covers with Ellie doing their hair and makeup, and A’whora ripping through charity shops to find decent costumes. It feels only fitting that they still do it now when they’re singing their own songs in professionally made costumes and makeup done by a professional artist.

Lawrence still keeps the style of her hair the same though. It’s changed colours a few times over the years, but it’s always in the same curls that Ellie brushed through minutes before the sixth form talent show.

Lawrence inhales as the music starts. The beat is steady and familiar, but tonight it feels so much more electric. She knows that the minute she’s on that stage she’s going to get blinded by that one beam of stage light that always finds it’s way to her eye, but she won’t feel blue like she always does.

When she gets on stage her eyes roam the massive crowd until she sees, in the very middle of a group of screaming girls, a head of baby pink hair. The sight of her proves to Lawrence that she’s still alive, and Lawrence uses that spark of energy to throw everything into her performance. She hits every note perfectly, her body moving in perfect harmony to the choreography that she usually fucks up at least once.

There’s a massive smile on her painted lips and she hopes that Ellie can read the smile, know that because of her, Lawrence is having fun on stage for the first time in months. There’s four of them in the band, but tonight Lawrence feels like a number one. The lights do not blind her but find her instead, shining like the sun.

They finish the first song with a flourish and Lawrence ignores the hundreds of screams to find Ellie’s. They still have the rest of the show, but Lawrence knows that they’re going to get through it and give Glasgow the best concert they’ve seen in years. Then she can stumble off stage and go from popstar Lawrence to Ellie’s Lawrence, falling into her arms and holding her tight. It’s gonna mean so much more tonight.

Because, somewhere in the crowd, there’s Ellie.

[delightfulfiresoulweasel]

DAYdreaming a Kevaaron AU

This is an Kevaaron Singer Aaron! AU I came up with from crazy brain storming and, well, ended up here so I hope it will be enjoyed as much as I enjoyed it in my head. Kevin and Aaron break up, Aaron scribbles down lyrics instead of class notes and his Med school friend notices, takes Aaron to a studio to compose the music and create songs, because its better than Aaron relapsing, and one night without telling Aaron, posts the songs on Soundcloud. And what if Exy finals had half time performances like Super Bowl finals does, and they asked Aaron to perform as Kevin'’ team were in the finals. 

(I will be using songs and lyrics that does not belong to me; songs: MrLoverman, Burning, Falling, Till Forever Falls Apart, One Last Song) 

Kevin and Aaron are dating, Aaron is in med school, Kevin is a successful exy player living in Chicago. One day, while Aaron is visiting Kevin, they fight over something very small, the argument starts getting heated, both of them bringing up the issues they have been repressing. The argument turns into a shouting match until Kevin tells Aaron that he doesn't have time for this. Aaron leaves Kevin'’ flat, books himself a flight ticket on his way to the airport and calls his friend, Jason, to come pick him up. 

They don't talk for a month. Neither of them text or call each other. They don't tell any of the Foxes about the breakup either. But it becomes obvious when Aaron doesn't show up to Kevin'’ game that is in his city.

Aaron used to go to every single one of Kevin'’ games when it was in his city, fly over to the most important ones as support. 

The reporters and sport commenters loved Aaron. He would sometimes join Kevin in his post game interviews, Kevin'’ arm wrapped around his shoulders. The fans also waited for the pre-game kiss that became a ritual for the couple. Kevin climbing the bleachers as Aaron draped himself over the railing to reach Kevin'’ mouth, for a good luck kiss. After the game, the photo would circulate all through twitter, fan accounts making a collage of the gathered photos. 

So when Aaron did not show up to Kevin'’ game that was in his city, the Foxes knew. Aaron'’ phone was blowing up with messages even before the game started. He wasn't at the stadium but he was watching it on TV at home. 

He had many texts from Nicky, asking to know if Kevin and him were broken up.  Matt, Dan, Renee, Allison, Robin and Katelyn were all equally concerned. 

Andrew called him, he picked it up. "What did he do?" "Nothing." Aaron had said. "Nothing?" Andrew had huffed. "Leave it, we broke up but I still love him, no one is to blame." Aaron had said before he hung up. 

He was disconnected in classes, too busy scribbling down words swimming in his head than concentrating in his classes. Jason, his new found friend, which was a foreign concept to Aaron, had noticed. Taking one glance at Aaron'’ notebook, he had realised that these were potential song lyrics. He had an idea. 

Aaron was not happy being dragged by his sleeve by Jason. They were stood in front of a beat-up studio. 

"I have no idea why we are here" he had said. Jason had smiled. 

Sitting on the piano, Jason snatched Aaron'’ notebook from his book. He knew a friend, who knew a friend that owned a studio. Jason had thought it would be good for Aaron if he sang his heart out. He knew Aaron was a good singer from the few times they went to Karaoke together. 

They had spent the whole night at the studio, composing a melody to Aaron'’ first song. 

I am MrLoverman, and I miss my lover man. 

Jason could hear the hurt in Aaron'’ voice, voice cracking, the shaky breathing when he was too close to tears, the tremble in his hands and the distance in his eyes as he was lost in thought, thinking of better times. 

The second song was harder than the first. It was filled with more emotions and truth. It was a pleading, a cry for a voice to be heard. Openly stating that he wanted his lover back. The sweet melody of Aaron'’ voice making the song both a weapon that created a wound in your heart and the balm that licked to wound closed. 

Oh, have you ever called I will burst straight back Give you my forgiveness And the shirt off my back

Jason had asked one night between recording sessions, the studio was their new stop place now. After every class they would rush to the studio, some musicians that were there just to jam had heard Aaron'’ voice, they were captured by it. Aaron was the Nine Muses ( yes all nine of them) and the audience was mesmerised.  He asked if he were to ever release an album that had these songs in it, what Aaron would name it. 

After a pause, Aaron answered between laughing fits that he would name it DAYdreaming, get it, Kevin Day and he was dreaming of him 24/7. Jason laughed but thought it would be a great marketing name. 

As Aaron wrote, the songs were getting more and more detailed and personal, they were all the words he couldn't speak before. 

Forget what I said It's not what I meant And I can't take it back

He had not meant to say half of the things he had said to Kevin a month ago, looking back, he knew they were simple things that could have been solved if they had just spoke, if Aaron had just been brave enough to start the conversation.

But he had been too scared, scare that he would lose Kevin over something so simple, so he avoided the topics, and at the end, he still lost him. 

Aaron had hated California, the place full of memories of his mother, a torturous life Andrew had endured, the missed years both of them could have had as brothers. But Kevin had changed that, the memories were still there but now, accompanied by happy ones Kevin had created for him. 

If the tide takes California I’m so glad I got to hold ya

They had stood on the beach, wrapped in each others arms, looking at the horizon as the sun set, Kevin whispering future plans for the both of them into Aaron'’ ear. Aaron had smiled to all of them, some ridiculous, some too good to be true ideas, but he did not mind, because in all of them, Kevin and Aaron were stood together. 

And if the sky falls from heaven above Oh I know I had the best time falling into love

All of these studio sessions, all of these songs, they were all for Kevin, for over a month, he had dedicated all his time to create the perfect songs that reflected his truest feelings about Kevin, his regrets, his cries for lost love. He loved Kevin, and it did not scare him anymore, his love for Kevin.

Maybe one day I won't sing about you

But he did, he always would, did not matter if Kevin resented him or welcomed him with open arms, he would sing about Kevin for the rest of his life like a broken vinyl.

I know you don't want to talk to me So this is what I will do Maybe you're listening So here's one last song for you

He knew he would never post these songs anywhere, or send them to Kevin, but he had hoped deep down in his chest that somehow these lyrics would be carried out to Kevin. 

They eventually run out of lyrics and music to combine, Aaron knew he had to leave this behind him. His true love, buried away in his make shift song lyrics. He closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep with something missing inside him. Jason did not

That night, he uploaded their album, DAYdreaming by Aaron Minyard and the medics ( get it, med students) on SoundCloud. He had watched Aaron crumble under the loss of Kevin, voice booming into the microphone as if he was calling out to Kevin, hoping his voice reached his ears. Jason hoped someone, a fan, might discover it, and the album got carried out to Kevin. 

What he did not expect was the insane success. Aaron had an angelic voice, now the whole world knew. They were listening to his heartbreak over and over again, tagging Kevin, asking what had happened, millions were relating to Aaron, crying to his hurt, his story, his voice. 

Aaron however was fuming mad, he could have strangled Jason. The Foxes were blowing his phone up, agencies calling him to sing a contract with him, many gig and concert offers. 

He accepted a few small radio'’ interview proposals, with Jason by his side, explaining that he had written those songs only for himself, and his nosy friend had went out of his way to leak them online. 

But the rush did not die, in fact, it only got bigger as Exy finals game was approaching. Kevin'’ team was against Andrew and Neil'’ team. The match alone would have created a big deal, but now with the breakup and the album drama, all eyes were on how Aaron'’ twin would react to Kevin on court. 

Aaron did not want to Foxes taking sides, he had said it to all of them personally, texted in the group chat where Kevin could see, mentioned it in interviews. They were a family, and Kevin'’ and his break up should not mess their hard found family. 

The finals were a big event all on its own, but it got even fired up when Aaron was offered to perform in the half time show. Aaron was shocked, Jason was delighted. He said yes, and Aaron, feeling prideful from the support his songs were getting, said yes as well. 

Andrew was not pleased, Neil was very much amused, and he could imagine that Kevin was fuming. 

Aaron was shaking with nerves on the finals day. Nicky had flown from Germany as support to both Andrew and Aaron. All the Foxes were lined up in VIP seats, but no one was there for the big game and all of them knew it. 

Aaron briefly made eye contact with Kevin right before the game. Kevin was flexing his broken hand, a nervous habit he had, meeting Aaron'’ eyes, he stopped. Aaron smiled at him, a warm, gentle smile. Kevin'’ hand relaxed, he smiled back. 

The first half of the game passed as a blur for Aaron, he was having a hard time focusing on the players and the game as time got closer to half time whistle. Jason was stood right next to him, Nicky'’ hand a grounding presence on his shoulder. Eric was there too, he hugged Aaron tight before he got on stage, in front of millions. 

Aaron did not do this, he was not a singer, he was supposed to focus on his classes and stay out of drama. Not perform for the whole world to see. 

The songs were lined up from less painful to more painful ones, ending with One Last Song.

Under the blinding lights, Aaron could not see anyone else but the microphone in front of him. He sang, with all his heart, he sang. The crowd was wild, screaming his every word back to him. Aaron had never felt this kind of ecstasy, not with drugs, not on Exy court. This was all him. 

The last song, was the hardest to sing, after singing all his heartbreaking songs one after other, laying all his hurt, truth, mistakes and regrets in front of millions, he was emotional for the last song. 

Maybe one day I won't sing about you I'll sing a song about someone new But right here, right now You are on my mind And I think about you all the time I'm sending a message to you And I'm hoping that it will get through

Oh, the message was getting through all right, the person that needed to hear this was standing right on this court, Aaron'’ insides made a move, as if he was going to throw up. He closed his eyes. The part that hurt him most was approaching.

In case you hear this Then know you're the love of my life Want to tell you I'm sorry I miss having you by my side When you were mine

He was getting chocked up, the tears burning, no longer able to contain them behind his closed eyes, he opened them, momentarily blinded by the stage lights. 

He did not see the person climbing up the platform, he did not hear anything over his own heart beating. 

When it was good it was bitterswe...

He was cut short, strong hands holding his shoulders, turning him around, he was facing Kevin. His hair slicked back with sweet, cheeks glistened with tears. 

Aaron knew his was also covered in sweat, tears running down his cheeks. Kevin cupped his face in his strong hands, Aaron leaned into the touch. 

Kevin bent down, closing the distance between them and kissing Aaron, heavy and bruising, too possessive, too longingly. Aaron smiled into the kiss, messing it up, but he did not mind. He wrapped his arms around Kevin'’ neck and kissed back just as hard. 

The crowd was screaming, Jason was whooping from where he was on the stage but none of it mattered, Aaron'’ world was Kevin and Kevin only.