#and less tolerance for bs and egos

[allofuswantgwinam]

i haven’t even posted a single thought today so it’s safe to say I’m feeling better today 🤣💀 but i have THOUCHTS AND FEELINGS

there’s this guy i work with and it is a battle bc he gets on my nerves so much *it is not jsut me also wanna throw that out there😭* he only works Saturday’s and I usually don’t have to close with him but I do tn and I just wanna pat myself on the back bc I have been doing really good with all my annoyance with him. bc sometimes it is me asf, like he gets in my nerves sm but I do not need to be an asshole but he is so arrogant and never stops talking and acts like he is the smartest person in the world and it DRIVES ME INSANE BUT IVE BEEN DOIN SO GOOD IM SO PORUD but I also am still me and real at the same time. I just try really hard to be a distance or to just remind myself “he is who he is, deep breaths and do not choose this battle” oh my god. Cause he’s not even an awful person he just is exactly what I said lol he is very nice but I just do not enjoy working with him at all but im mfing doing it and I’ve conditioned myself to just not even fucking care bc it’s just one day. only one. 1 more hour. that’s all 😭🤣

[inkysquelched]

Them.

I drew my bozos and there’s nothing you can do about it. Now get ready for a long post as I talk about my headcannons for them. Feel free to ask me anything about them, I love rambling:

Agent 3: Has a major RBF, but she’s nice I promise you. She’s been enjoying her role as captain but was overwhelmed at first.

Weapon preferences: shooters, chargers

Fave Special: Splashdown

Agent 4: Just vibing honestly, she’s gotten pretty good at hacking/research over the years.

Weapon preferences: daulies, brushes

Fave Special: Boyah Bomb

Agent 8: Curses in octarian at least 5 times a day. Remarkably relaxed despite all the bs shes been through.

Weapon preferences: shooters

Fave Special: Triple Inkstrike

Neo 3: A chaotic child, will occasionally eat stuff off the floor.

Weapon preferences: tri-stringer, blasters if shes feeling spicy

Fave Special: Super Chump

Some Honorable Mentions:

3 has a major sweet tooth and she won’t apologize for it. (shes awful with spicy food tho gchfxgfz)

Neo really likes bread.

8 will eat the most criminally offensive spicy food without a reaction.

3 likes to sleep in her squidform, it’s kinda weird to others. It’s honestly more worrying if she doesn’t shift forms. (hc that people usually only do that when theyre really sick…..and then theres 3)

4 listens to her music too loud.

3 and 4 bicker all the time, but it rarely gets to a point where they’re actually upset. They especially fight about how to lead on missions (this is moot bc 3 is the captain lol) because 3 prefers the “slow and steady” approach and 4 prefers to play “fast and loose”, if that makes sense. (8s just here for the ride)

The squid sisters like to say that 3 and 4 are twins and they both hate it.

3 is a runaway, Neo is an orphan. Different circumstances, same outcome. They relate to each other a lot and I think thats awesome (and sad).

Neo (and 8) will occasionally say some out of pocket shit without realizing just how messed up it really is: “what? you’ve never had to eat out of the trash before?”

3 is very emotionally numb and has a hard time expressing any care towards others, so she ends up showing it through favors/giving advice/“are you ok?”s. She’ll tell you to put on a jacket when it’s 70 degrees out lol. (this is also why she’s a mess around 8, those are feelings she has no idea how to deal with)

3 is terrified of being sick (like bedridden sick, haha sanitization go brr) and will inwardly panic the whole time.

3 has the worst alcohol tolerance behind Marie and 4. (Callie will drink 12 shots of vodka without flinching)

Octolings have a very different view on relationships than inklings do; inklings will date/marry out of love while octolings will treat it more as a transaction (not saying they can’t, love just isn’t a priority). 8 as had and infatuation for 3 for years but doesn’t act on it because she wasn’t sure if she really felt the way she did. She knows inklings hold more weight to relationships and didn’t want to risk hurting 3 if she was wrong. (the events of side order really helped her figure it out)

After the events of Splatoon 2, 4 took a back seat on being an agent. Less frontlines and more research focused. (like Marie lol) She hated this at first, but grew to like it.

3s alter ego is DJ Sango, she uses her rapping/singing to vent. 4 and 8 play dumb and pretend they don’t know about her account. (They both listen to her music tho 😶)

8 is extremely calm, you’d have to be trying to piss her off.

Inklings are like mood rings, there tentacles will change color depending on their mood (think like streaks or spots of other colors) The more intense the emotion, the deeper the color.

8 and 3 both have to clean/replace their weapon filters more often than most but for different reasons: for eight its bc shes an octoling (their ink is more abrasive) while 3 has thicker ink than normal as the last remnant of being partially sanitized.

3 isn’t actually as stinky as the squid sisters will have you believe. She one time came back from a mission smelling particularly RANKED that day, and they’ve never let her live it down.

There’s probably more but I can’t think of any rn

k bye <3

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

*sigh*

I really enjoyed the second What If episode upon first viewing, but the more I think about it the more it pisses me off.

Let's set aside the fact that the episode essentially told us Yondu could have formed a kind of father-son bond with literally any random kid, therefore cheapening his relationship with Peter considerably. It's the premise, we have to work with it.

Seriously though... You're telling me that none of Peter's siblings showed T'Challa's spunk and hunger for the stars, when many of them were presumably from races that had dealings with alien species? All it took for Yondu to take to T'Challa instantly was the fact that he found the universe cool??

Seriously though, an important part of Yondu and Peter's relationship was that Yondu could never make himself soft for Peter until the very end because of how dangerous it was in a crew full of bloodthirsty jerks, and because of how badly Yondu himself was damaged by his own childhood. He also took to Peter - incredibly slowly - because he felt guilty about the deaths of Peter's siblings, a connection he wouldn't have had with T'Challa, and because Peter was an orphan with a monster for a dad - y'know, like Yondu, who was sold by his parents. Peter had no one else who could have protected him, that's why Yondu kept him around - not because he wanted an heir or he felt like turning to babysitting.

T'Challa's simple curiosity about the galaxy shouldn't have been enough for him to bond with Yondu, because Yondu's primary motivation to become a Ravager wasn't that he wanted to see the world - he became a Ravager because he had nothing else and they offered him a family. It makes NO SENSE that in that universe, he would make himself soft - the cardinal sin to his crew who turn on him like a pack of frenzied sharks when he does - immediately for a kid who doesn't share any of his own experiences and characteristics, and who already had a family. Yondu had no reason to tolerate having T'Challa aboard, much less decide to just keep him forever.

They essentially took his end-of-GotG2 personality and slapped it onto his younger self!

Also, Yondu lying to T'Challa was the cheapest way to write him as the same kind of terribly flawed father figure he was to Peter. The real Yondu, believe it or not, was actually a very strange, peculiar brand of self-loathingly honest. He only ever lied about things that would make him look better if they were explained:

he kept saying he was going to eat Peter, which wasn't true

he said he saved Peter's life because his crew wanted to eat him and he stopped them, which is also mostly a lie covering up the fact that he saved Peter's life in a much more significant - and actually heroic - way by keeping him away from Ego

he told Peter he kept him around because he was useful when he could have explained that he was protecting him

he apparently never told Peter about his past as a slave (because Peter mocks him for his use of the word in GotG1) even though it would have helped the two of them

he pretended he didn't know the Sphere wasn't the real Power Stone and he let Peter believe he was angry when he was actually proud (Peter even thought he'd kill him for that if they ever met again when Yondu laughed about being tricked out of billions of units)

he claimed that his motive for not capturing the Guardians was greed when it was because he cared

he never mentioned or used the tracker he'd stuck on Peter's ship, falsely validating Peter's assumptions that he had never come after him because he couldn't rather than because he didn't want to

he apparently didn't tell Stakar that he had spent decades taking care of Ego's last child even though it might have helped him get his place back

he lied to Rocket about why he kept Peter even though he knew Rocket knew the 'skinny' excuse was bs...

Yondu never, in either of the GotG movies, lied to make himself look better, he consistently presented himself in the worst way he possibly could. How the HELL does that translate to 'he'd tell a kid that his entire country is gone just because he thinks the kid would be happier as a ravager'????

Yondu was physically abusive and emotionally distant, not openly warm but dishonest and manipulative.

Yes yes yes, it's a 'what if' scenario and they're different people, so I'm not all that mad. Just ever so slightly miffed.

[phoenix-manga]

What would the girls or the staff do if they see the first years (Sophie, Ottilie, Ru, etc.) or any student get bullied?

Any scenarios?

It wouldn't be realistic to say that everyone is decent in DCA. I would think that the summons go to girls who have exceptional talent. That could also mean that a talented person with a huge ego could also be summoned to attend the academy, would cause trouble.

First off, Sophie may be thought of as admirable at first until a few realize that she's very sheltered and has no idea what some of the topics were even about.

This could lead to some people inviting Sophie in the guise of hanging out only to subtly poke fun at her cluelessness.

Ottilie is already an oddball to some, speaking in nonsensical vocabulary and woud fawn over things that usually gross people out like bugs.

Though Ottilie is eccentric, she can tell that she's being made fun off, though she is much better at hiding her hurt she could be less talkative the more it happens.

Also if she continues to pretend that she's fine, the bullies might get annoyed and try anything to get a reaction out of her. That happens when their victime doesn't act the they expected.

Ru is the mentally stronger of the two, she grew up in a slightly tough life. And with her status being just a commoner, there would be the mean girls who would take jabs at her financial status.

Though Ru is strong, she is also the type to not take BS which could lead her to being baited to lash out and land her in trouble instead.

Of course with all this, the staff do not tolerate any sort of bullying as they believe that students must know good morals.

But if the bullies persist, they will merely have one chance to redeem themselves and once they waste it, there is no going back.

It usually leads to a school transfer if the bullying was merely causing trouble to others. But if it is really severe, then expulsion would take place.

Clearly the staff think that such a person does NOT consider the values of the 10 princesses to heart to even see what they did wrong. A person like that has no place in this academy.

[kyuus4ku]

Omg, can you analyze my big 3? If you don't want to you can ignore this lol

Mine is Sagittarius sun, Aquarius moon and Leo rising

hehe hiii and yes sure! can't ignore a sag ^_^

zodiac ask game

sagittarius sun

okay i did this earlier so i hope u don't mind me copy pasting/paraphrasing... bc i went feral with this one lmfao; sags are genuinely my top FAVOURITES. i could talk to you guys for hours because AJRKDS you're just so fun and witty. great listeners and very easy to get comfortable with! i wouldn't be afraid to say the weirdest shit with you guys because you're so chill AND I JUST LOVE YOUR SASS AND HUMOUR SO FUCKING MUCH like i'd let you guys roast me bc you do it well LMAO could say you're a little quick-tempered, which can make you a little blunt with your words? it's not that you do on purpose, but fire signs are usually on-the-go type, so you need to have an outlet somewhere maybe? it really depends on your patience, nevertheless you are extremely bright, and ik sags were and always are capable of making me see the bright side of things, even if they're not very motivated themselves. are you addicted to things you're familiar with because the idea of change kinda scares you? uncertainty and the lack of clarity could just send you into a spiral sometimes, right? you're not set in your ways, you just feel like sometimes there are so many paths to choose from, and choosing just one path seems so fucking overwhelming. at least that's my experience with sag suns. nevertheless, you guys are understanding, and even if you don't understand someone's state of mind (due to how curious you are, you will eventually), you won't judge them for it. i see u have a fire sign (leo) as your rising too... could i say that whenever intense emotions come into perspective, you kind of lose control and it impacts your self-confidence?

aquarius moon

i did this earlier too! but i'll personalise it a little so it's a more relevant to your respective chart: i suppose this part of your chart accounts the part of you which likes to be alone? aquarius moons thrive in isolation, but not in a bad way. they like to do things on their own, and i could say you feel pretty detached from everything and everyone at times, correct? that's probably because you're used to be a loner, and people may point out how distant you actually are, maybe without you even being aware of it. you could say you're emotionally detached? and that makes it hard for you to bind close relationships. nevertheless, you are really good at communication. aqua placements generally treasure communication, and again, i'm guessing you're great at listening due to this. people find your serene nature to be so comforting, making you one of the most calming placements to be around. the aquas i know are extremely understanding, and not in the least judgmental. an ideal type of conversationalist, if you're around people you are comfortable with. now for you, i'm guessing it's hard to cope with how fierce your emotions can be sometimes since aquarius moons are more or less... detached and calm. pretty much versatile? fire signs (sag, leo, aries) are on-the-go, right, so perhaps you're torn between dealing with a problem slowly and wanting to get past it asap, which can lead to more stress and conflict. it really depends on whether or not you prefer to feel. nevertheless your sag sun really contributes to your social skills, and your aquarius moon just adds on to how reliable/caring you are.

leo rising

did this earlier too! but i will elaborate a bit more: all i can say is that: if you know what you want, not much can stop you from getting there (depending on how self-reliant you are). you have a pretty chill aura, but i suppose people would perceive you as enthralling if you're comfortable enough around them, especially if they give you the liberty to be yourself. people may view you as caring and supportive, and accuse you of having a heart of gold, which many people won't hesitate to take advantage of. it is nice to have a little attention directed your way, no? your sense of security varies with how people view you, so being praised is something you don't mind, but being insulted is something you can't take. leo placements are generally classified as leaders, but leo risings don't mind being lone wolves either, since overwhelming circumstances (crowded places, panicky situations) send them into a fit of agitation.

okay i can tell you're a friendly person? depending if you're comfortable with someone? literally all these placements make up one of the most friendliest, charismatic signs, but you aren't a pushover. i say that because one, leo placements have ego (good thing, not bad) and they don't really tolerate it when people try to step over them. can be defensive/protective too? sags don't tolerate bs either, and aquarius moons are reserved, but this kinda balances out everything. like you can be aggressive, but you can all be passive, depending on how well you can read a situation (you're a sag, i bet you're good at reading ppl's energy /gen) your aquarius moon hinders you from being too rash, your leo moon provides you with confidence and anything else which can offer self-defense, and your sag sun can help you adapt to people's energy. ngl your chart was one of the hardest to decipher i'm sorry if its not that accurate!!

[dessarious]

Transfer AU

So it looks like most people want to see Damian in Paris first. Thanks for all the feedback! Here’s some of my brainstorming. Any or all of this may change before or while I write but here’s what’s going through my head at the moment lol. I can go ahead and start a tag list too so let me know if you want to be tagged when I start posting the story.

The JL keeps hearing rumors out of Paris and while they don’t believe any of it they decide they should send someone to check.

Wonder Woman is adamant they send someone but refuses to say anything else because she believes that Miraculous secretes should only be shared by holders or the guardian.

Bruce uses this as an excuse to broaden Damian’s horizons (read force him to socialize) and sends him to Paris as part of an exchange program.

Damian’s host family is the Agrests. Adrien begged and Nathalie convinced Gabriel there was a slim possibility of it happening. And if it did they Adrien would be happy and keep them occupied.

Damian doesn’t particularly like Adrien at first.

He pretty much despises him once he gets to know him and stays away from the mansion as much as possible.

He hates the class.

He goes under Damian Drake (since Tim is usually too sleep deprived to give him too much crap over it) in order to not draw too much attention. Only Nathalie and Gabriel know he’s a Wayne.

When Lila starts  lying to try and impress him he tells her in no uncertain terms that he won’t tolerate her BS. If she leaves him alone he’ll reciprocate. (At this point he thinks the entire class is on her side and straight up does not want to deal with the drama since he’s only there temporarily)

Marinette is still relegated to the back of the class and Damian ends up sitting next to her. She doesn’t really talk to him and he’s fine with that. She’s his favorite person in the class (not saying much) because she doesn’t bother him. It’s about a week before he pays attention to the classes attitude towards Marinette. 

Marinette brings in croissants for everyone but Lila claims to have a gluten allergy and the entire class gangs up on Mari about how she’s trying to poison Lila after Marinette starts pointing out all the products with gluten Lila had been eating just that week. She claims they were all gluten free alternatives and the class buys it.

Damian goes down to Mari and grabs a croissant telling their classmates they’re all a bunch of idiots. Adrien tells him to just leave it alone, her lies aren’t hurting anyone, blah, blah, blah. Damian’s opinion of him drops even further.

He escorts Marinette back to their seats and they share the croissants meant for the whole class. 

Now that he knows she’s not taken in by Lila they get to know each other and since Damian hates being around Adrien he spends most of his time with Mari. Once they’ve bonded a bit Mari opens up about everything Lila’s done and what Adrien told her. (Mari has lost her crush on Adrien at this point)

Damian starts planning where to hide bodies. Lots of bodies.

Instead he talks Mari into making a plan to expose Lila and she questions him about how Gotham’s heroes deal with their villains. Damian assumes she wants the information to take down Lila.

Hawkmoth has been mysteriously quiet since his arrival and the exaggerated accounts of the Akumas he’s heard from Adrien have left him less than impressed. Especially since all he seems to focus on is his crush on LB and how cool CN is.

Mari seems to be content to ignore the subject altogether.

So when an Akuma finally shows up in the middle of school and Damian loses track of Mari he’s extremely agitated. 

He still does his job though and observes the fight. He’s impressed with LB’s intelligence and skill and down right pissed at Chat showing off and almost getting everyone killed.

When he tries to talk to Mari about it (praising LB) she gets all weird and closed off. He assumes she doesn’t like LB but doesn’t pry. In truth it was just so nice to have someone actually like her for her that she doesn’t want to hear him praise and fall in love with her alter ego just like everyone else.

The next time an Akuma happens Damian and Mari are together and she can’t shake him to transform, 

Chat hasn’t shown up and she knows from experience he won’t make an appearance until she does. So she ends up transforming in front of Damian. Once the fight is over she makes him swear he won’t tell anyone then proceeds to avoid him for the next few days.

Damian finally says screw it and goes to visit her at night as Robin.

Chat shows up after they’ve been talking for awhile and gets really agitated by his presence.

He insists that he and LB can handle things just fine and gets really defensive when Robin starts asking him how they’re planning on taking down HM It never really occurs to Chat to question why Robin was at Mari’s house of all places.

Damian reveals himself to Mari because he trusts her and he knows exactly how alone she is on both sides of the mask and wants to be able to support her in every aspect of her life.

Mari is hesitant about bringing the league in and asks him to wait for her to talk to the Guardian to see what he thinks. Much as she would like the help her identity has already been compromised and she’s not sure if it's safe.

The Guardian wants to meet Damian

The next Akuma attack Robin shows up and helps LB. Chat doesn’t show up at all trying to prove the LB needs him. She doesn’t.

Mari takes Damian to meet Mater Fu and they agree that he should take over the Black Cat Miraculous. He’s also given permission to utilize his family to try and track down HM but not to bring in other members of the league at this time. Fu tells them who Chat is so that they can get the ring and Damian has to be talked out of strangling Adrien in his sleep.

Damian takes the ring and Mari is there as LB to tell Plagg what’s going on. 

Damian keeps camembert at Mari’s place so Adrien doesn’t get suspicious. It’s not like he’s ever in the house anyway.

Plagg and Tikki are ecstatic that they get to spend so much time together. Plagg’s just happy his new chosen has a brain.

Damian proves to be incredibly efficient as the new Black Cat.

He tells his family about the situation, but only them. He starts utilizing their talents to try and track HM.

Mari has a lot of very detailed information about Akuma attacks that they give to Tim and Babs to analyze.

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

aditya is going to be grounded forever and ever and ever once he gets caught lmao. indus might even throw a slipper at him 😔someone please help him (not yao he's going to make it worse. or maybe yao can give him nice doodles and presents as a way of consoling him. he probably won't feel bad but at leas he will try to make his friend less sad lmao. and iran would help!! even as they're like "wtf you're SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE" @ yao. their combined efforts would likely make aditya very happy!!) the poor baby will not be having any fun for a Very Long Time :(

HM i think nyo china should live in a place of residence that makes me want to eat the rich whenever i walk past it, filthy capitalist that she is. but should that be the penthouse apartment of a high-rise condominium or should it be a lovely landed property? or maybe she has 2 houses an apartment for yao and sometimes herself in the suburbs of their primary school and a rich people house in the city that is near the elite high school she WILL get yao into (but this might mean moving yao away from his friends in middle school 😔) . decisions are hard. but yes she definitely buys her way out of trouble with her neighbours all the time

"you should follow his example in the things he's a model at not in things he does badly" i CHOKED i don't think i've heard a more chinese parent quote than this for the past 3 years they would totally say this and of course their disgruntled kids would complain that yao is um not the most respectful of the law dhwkntke

ALSO HIS POOR TEACHERS... I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY HAVE A CLUB THAT'S SO SAD OH MY GOD

hmm i think that like. even without a mentor's guidance yao will probably become less unruly and wild as he ages, as a process of growing up and becoming less focused on causing Chaos (he's directing that feralness to like. making an actual plan to take over the world probably), because society's tolerance for buckwild bullshit decreases as you get older and older, and the likelihood that he'll miss out on awards and other accolades if he continues this sort of behaviour, which his ambition won't allow for. BUT what i think won't change is the fact that he's an arrogant asshole and he becomes more and more so as he grows up with a lifetime of academic and extracurricular excellence. so im just saying imagine said sub in high school absolutely tearing apart one of his assignments. like just covering the whole thing in red-inked ruthless rebuttals and giving him a c. yao has never gotten a c in his life and is both humiliated and impressed because the sub is RIGHT, and they managed to outlogic him (which up till now only his friends + nyo china could probably yao doesn't associate with dumb people). and then he progresses amazingly in that class during the sub's remaining time with them and gets nyo china to let the sub teach him when they land a job. like i feel as though he would greatly benefit from an older mentor who won't tolerate his bullshit and would challenge him to reach new heights and this might be person!! (this thought is kinda unrefined and doesn't fully explain the Vibes but i need a nap now + it's not really Baby au anymore it's Slightly Less Baby au fhwinfkwg good afternoon to you and good night for me!)

They’re so sweet omg ☺️ Yao and Iran giving Aditya little presents... I love it. Their small gang of bastards has to stick together after all. Also yeah RIP India; at least they still have time to interact at school, but at-home hours is rough. (also, Yao’s neighborhood is moderately far from Aditya’s, but what about Iran? o-o I feel like they’d live a bit closer (?), maybe a couple streets away, and Iran isn’t on Indus’s blacklist yet............ (but then again, Indus probably banned any of his friends coming over lol). Also, Yao makes a plan to somehow get into the house across from Aditya’s and flash morse code at night with flashlights so they can talk, and hopefully it entertains his house arrested friend! Iran is dragged along for the ride and just goes with it lol. Jury is out on whether they get caught.)

Nyo China’s many houses.... :| she would do that oh my god. Also I think (?) there was a whole crackdown a while ago in China on people who were buying houses they didn’t live in, so they could get their kids into good schools in that residential area.... that radiates her vibes and I hate it. Miss China, how does it feel living in a penthouse, or just being rich in general O-o I LAUGHED at “decisions are hard” that’s everything about nyo china. “hmm yes I can’t choose which house I actually want to live in so why not just buy all 5??? yep, sounds like a good idea!” O_________O can’t relate

lol thank you; I was trying to channel Chinese parent energy and I’m glad it came through! The kids are grumbling that Yao could just be 100% awful or 100% academically stellar, but no, he has to be a genius AND a delinquent (just choose one, god) also yes they have a lil club just for them! Only people who have the honor of suffering get to join :)

And to your last paragraph, HELL YES IT’S CANON NOW. “Yao doesn't associate with dumb people” I’m crying omg. Yao takes all honors/gifted classes and doesn’t speak to anyone who doesn’t 😭 The big red C glaring at him from the top of his (once beautiful) essay stabs him viscerally in the chest and he needs to take a few days before looking at it again in order to recover his strength ego. He reads through all the comments and each one shreds his ego even more lmao; they’re not even mean comments but he just knows the sub is Completely Correct and sinks into a low like he’s never had. But yesss @ the whole episode pushing him to do better in order to keep up his Academic Excellence, and maybe impress the sub whom he now views as superior and whom he actually has respect for.

May I propose the sub is miss Vietnam o-o... she probably should be in the gang of ancients (as the only other kid who can rival Yao in Logic and fistfights, but isn’t friends with him like the other ancients because he sucks and she doesn’t like his bs) but shhhhh.... we can make a spin-off AU and nobody needs to know... lol anyways, I feel like if the substitute is Vietnam, she and Yao would have some sort of antagonism (not too tense but not friendly bickering either) at the beginning; Yao really wants to impress her and do better in class but Vietnam just. Does not like how he’s an asshole, especially to other people he thinks are below him sksksk. But they slowly warm up to each other especially as Yao gets ~reformed~ ever so slightly, and then it turns into friendly bickering and Long Debates on various intriguing topics (Yao always plays devils advocate in those :|). But yeah I definitely think she’d be a good candidate ig, since she doesn’t take bs even from the star pupil who is also an ass. And she’s a sub at first, so it gives her a little bit more room to throw hands whenever she wants instead of having to control herself lol

[itsswimmingtragedycollection]

Tati and James Charles are the same

Okay, I’m about tho chime in one last time on this James Charles/Tati bs.  I was thinking about how glad I am someone finally dragged James for being a dirt bag and how I never was quite sure how I feel about Tati until now. And that is true, I just thought I decided I like her, but as it turns out, as of this particular moment, I’m sure I don’t like her. I mean think about this: When does Tati start beef? When does she speek out? When does she pull up all the receipts?  The answer is: Only when she’s been wronged.  She’s nice and sweet, she sits there and does her make up, only talks about shit that’s not stepping on anyone’s toes and then all of a sudden she pops. She pulls up a chair and goes off, and you’re left sitting there with your dick in your hand congratulating her on being so brave and kind and full of patience.  But is she really tho?  No.  She knew who James Charles was all these years, she knew about his predatory behavior, she knew about his huge ego, she knew about his money hunger and she. didn’t. mind. She chose to ‘expose’ him when he did her dirty. Personally. Had he not done the vitamins thing, ya’ll really think she would’ve done any of this? Of course not. And the story about how she thought he’d grow out of it is a load of crap. Who tf grows out of being a borderline sociopath? Even less likely if he didn’t want to take any of her advice. Still she was fine with keeping her mouth shut right up until the moment she’s the one being thrown under the bus. Look at her circle. It’s full of ‘problematic’ god I hate that word  youtubers, who we all already know do worse shit behind the curtains than in front of, and she plays along to their beat. Because it suits her. It benefits her to be associated with big beauty community names. And not only did she go for his neck after he hurt her, she chose the moment when he’s under fire from multiple sides, aka when he’s the most vulnerable, when she’s most likely to leverage people to be on her side. Tati never goes after someone her size. Remember Kiki? Probably not, she’s just a small channel who dared call out little miss Integrity. Just listening to her say how she knows sooo much shit that goes on out of the spot light, and how many beauty gurus are full of shit rubbed me the wrong way but when I thought about it, it made me a bit mad.  You can’t yap about integrity and loyalty while being okay with tolerating god knows what as long as you’re fine. I don’t know what she thinks integrity is, but sis, that ain’t it.  The thing she said about telling James to quit the documentary idea because he’s a part of the community speaks volumes about how she maneuvers through said community. She’s right about an expose from Mr High Horse being a ridiculous idea, but she’s also saying, because you’re profiting from a mostly toxic environment, you shouldn’t do or say shit. Until you’re butthurt that is.  And that is called being part of the problem. You may not be racist or predatory or an egomaniac but damn bitch you sure as shit sat there and enabled it for years. As far as I’m concerned. Tati and James ain’t that far apart. 

[imagine-loki]

The Powers That Be

TITLE: The Powers That Be CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter Thirty Two

AUTHOR: wolfpawn ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki discovering a hidden mutant when he realises they are at risk of being found by S.H.I.E.L.D. who experiments on mutants, he is the one to help them.

RATING: Teen and Up

Thor returned to Midgard to assist the Avengers with another issue, leaving Alexia and Loki to deal with the less than pleased court that still felt as though she should be concerned with childbearing, however Odin seemed to have silenced any public voicing of opinions, and somehow managed to bite his own tongue on the subject also.

In the month since Thor's departure, Alexia ensured she never went a day without spending some time in Loki's company, the pair often speaking about nothing in particular if talking at all, but the silences were very much comfortable, both usually either reading or Loki giving Alexia some advice of how to merge elements. He even was present for many of her training sessions, watching silently as she excelled passed anything Diarmaid requested of her, earning a smug grin from the Aesir prince when she did so.

"I have to admit, of late, you are thriving wielder." The Light Elf praised.

"You are never going to call me by my name, are you?" She sighed in annoyance.

"Do not take it to heart Lexi; he calls no one by their name," Loki stated as he stood nearby.

"You were right," she smiled at him, causing his brow to rise. "About allowing the water to wet the earth, it is heavier, but they merge together better now," she explained.

"Yes, well, it made sense." He shrugged.

"You are relishing at being told you were right, don't deny it Lokes." she rolled her eyes.

"I told you not to call me that." He growled, but there was no malice or threat in his voice; in truth, he would not admit it, but to have someone wish to be around him and speak to him as she did felt good to the prince, long used to people tolerating him solely to be near Thor. To have someone wish to be around him for him was refreshing. Alexia simply smiled mischievously in response. "How is Roan?" He turned and asked Diarmaid, causing Alexia’s smile to falter.

"He has a bruised ego, but egos are not something well suited to Light Elves, so he required some humbling." The elf answered. "He was always popular on Alfheim, to say one as rare as you does not find interest in him is somewhat baffling to him." Diarmaid looked at Alexia as he spoke.

"Perhaps if he had not been so self-obsessed, I may have entertained even listening to him." She shrugged. "But I am not interested in such things at present, I have to get this all under control, I want to."

"I think it safe to suggest you do," Loki smiled, "It is the strengthening of them you seem to be doing now."

"Well, that to me is control." She shrugged. "I need to get cleaned up, so please excuse me." she turned and walked away without awaiting an answer from either being.

"You are very close." Diarmaid eyed Loki.

"More than most people would have thought possible." Loki agreed.

"Yourself included I would think, you are unused to such a feeling, one wishing to be your true ally."

"She is stuck for company." Loki dismissed.

"You and I both know that to be untrue."

"Are you not irked that your nephew was dismissed by her?"

"No," Loki looked the elf in the eye. "I would not wish such a thing on a female being, to be forced to carry a child solely to try and replicate her power, and of all beings, I know my nephew to not be a fit for her, she requires one that cares for her, who wants what is best for her, from what I have witnessed, it is something she has been lacking so far in her life." He explained.

"She will not find that here." Loki shook his head, knowing no one would want Alexia for herself and not her power.

"I think she may already have." The elf chuckled, causing Loki to look at him curiously. "I bid you good afternoon my prince." And with that, he turned and left, leaving Loki to his thoughts.

*

"So I was thinking..." Alexia commented as she toyed with a fountain from over fifty feet away on a balcony.

"Norns, this sounds terrifying." Loki joked as he watched her, Alexia stuck out her tongue at him, "That is mature."

"I am not even pretending to be." she laughed. "I was thinking about this banquet your father is holding next week, you know, the....what was the word for it."

"He is not my father, and it is the Mjötuðr feast," Loki replied in a bored tone. "A feast where the old fart gets to celebrate himself, what of it?"

"Really?"

"Yes, Mjötuðr means king, so it is a king’s festival."

"Wow, self-loving much?" She scoffed, "Well anyway I am not going to go."

Loki looked at her with interest. "You do not wish to go?"

"No, I know what is going to happen, I am going to be paraded around and stared at, so I am not going to go, I don't care if he throws a tantrum, I am not a prize exhibit."

"I beseech you; may I please be present when you tell him this? He will be so mad; he may actually go into Odinsleep." Loki asked wide-eyed, knowing there was no way his adoptive father would not demand her presence at his own trumpet blowing event.

"Do what you want." She shrugged. "I take it Thor will be for it?"

"Most definitely."

"And you will be avoiding it?"

"I think the phrase you Midgardian's use is 'like the plague'."

"Well, that makes two of us then." She stated, ceasing her toying with the fountain. "Will he blame you?"

"Most definitely."

"I'm sorry."

"You should not be, if you do not wish to do something you are not obliged to do it, so do not apologise if others wish something of you that you do not want to do."

"I've been spotted." Loki frowned at her. "Odin is glaring up at me, no wait, both of us."

Loki looked over the ledge of the balcony they were on and sure enough, a puce-faced Odin was indeed glaring at them. "He really is less than pleased at your demanding being allowed in my company, you are making no allies with such actions," Loki commented, turning away from the balcony and back to where he had been previously standing.

"You seldom sit, do you?"

"I think it an act of laziness."

"Fair enough. As for Odin not liking this, you were the only one to care enough to help me long enough, so he can take a running jump, I don't forget those who are good to me, and all the people that I speak to now are only after something, you have nothing to gain from my friendship and yet you are still here, so you are most worth being around."

"Sentiment," Loki scoffed, but there was no conviction in his words, not sure how to actually react to such words.

"You have got to stop reacting to compliments in such a way; you may actually trick someone into thinking you mean it." She clapped his shoulder. "I better go and deal with your Daddy Dearest."

"He is not my father." He growled, this time, his irritation blatant.

"Yeah, yeah, so you keep saying." She dismissed. "Later Lokes."

"Stop calling me that." He barked.

"Does it annoy you that much?" She smirked, walking backwards to look at him as she made to leave.

"You know it does, hence your doing it."

"It's fun, I confess. Later Lokes." She repeated, causing him to growl.

*

"You do not choose allies wisely," Odin commented as Alexia stood in front of him.

"I choose for myself, not to suit others."

"I thought you would have chosen better, you seem intelligent for your species."

"Yes, well, you putting your expectations on me is your own fault, not mine; it is not my duty to live up to them." She shrugged.

"I have been told Loki actually tried to kill your father."

"He put the staff that held the Mind Stone through his chest." She confirmed, causing Odin to stare at her with a wide eye. "I know what he did, I am not under any false pretences, but like you, I know he was under duress, and my father was in his way. Can I ask, when you went to that Frost realm, was there anyone in your way getting to or from that temple you found him in?" The Allfather shook his head. "If there was a guard there, would you have dealt with them accordingly?" Odin took a moment to think, he knew the answer, as did Alexia. "So, you cannot talk."

"You think differently to others, analytically, trying to see other angles."

"I would assume most think such a way."

"Not exactly."

"You mean, I actually take a moment to think what Loki could be thinking. Why do you always only see the bad in him?"

"There is nothing but bad left."

"You do not know that.'"

"He is the reason Frigga is dead." The king growled.

"And there we have it." She smiled smugly. "You want to blame him."

"It was his doing; he told the Kursed how to get to her." He countered.

"From what I have been told by Thor, he told that thing how to get out of the cells, not how to find his mother."

"She was not his mother."

"I think if she was here, she would slap you for that." Odin's lip twitched. "You know I am right, and that kills you because I bet you usually dismiss or roar at people when they call you up on your BS, and you know that if you do that with me, I could go and not be here to make you look good."

"You could be forced to be used against us if you went to another realm. Could you face Thor in a battlefield? Could you drown him? Bury him?"

"I would rather die than hurt my friends."

"The threat of death is one that makes people reconsider their options."

"I do not fear death, I have realised that there are things in this life that are far more terrifying."

"I have silenced their demands on that other matter," Odin responded.

"Yes, I have noticed, and for that, I thank you, genuinely; thank you." Odin was somewhat startled with her words, but gave a small nod, accepting the gesture. "I just want to be left live, but that seems somewhat difficult considering."

"You should not have been a wielder then."

Alexia gave a sharp laugh. "I would never have chosen this if I could have, I can assure you. It is what it is, I can only get on with it now."

"There is another request being made by many here with regards you." Odin seemed somewhat apprehensive at broaching the subject. Alexia gave him a look from the corner of her eye, not sure of what he was going to say.

[thatswhatshername]

... Things not to say.

I'm not allowed to be lonely or depressed but it's ok for you to say that this relationship not only makes you lonely but also suicidal? Wow. That emotional blackmail shit is real af. Maybe that's why you always think I'm trying to make you responsible for my feelings- because that's what you do. With you interior motives and shit. But I'm supposed to sit compliantly and continuously give you the benefit of the doubt. Sick.

What I'm hearing you say is that you cannot or will not be there for me unless it is convenient for you. That is fine. I will handle myself accordingly.

-being there for someone is based when the needs of that someone...not your convenience.

-I shouldn't be laying next to you wanting to die and not be able to approach you for comfort.

-stop telling me that people told you not to be with me. Stop telling me that people don't think you should be with me. Why would you be telling me this? It just makes you look like a bitch ass nigga.

-you say that you can handle things but...you never ever do.

-how will we survive as a union if we can't actually deal with each other.

-stop telling me that I'm not logical...you're literally the least logical person I know so you couldn't possibly tell one way or the other.

-I honestly think you're a piece of shitty work. And yea, you're also stupid. But those goals and values give me reason to believe that this is worth the work... even though I've never witnessed you actually meet a goal......or stand by your values....... so I guess I'm working off hope and good will and benefit of the doubt..... Little do you know...smh.

-I've never yelled like this in my entire life... you've pushed me to a lower point than I've ever been... and you want an apology for my yelling and storming off...

-you get up to go sleep on the couch.........wow.

-the pain and stress of this relationship is sucking up all the energy I use to survive... this relationship is going to kill me... and because I don't want to live, it looks like I'm going to let it...

You literally can't function without an apology for whatever hurt you feelings even if it wasn't wrong. But you never apologize for your wrongdoings or the hurt you cause. I don't understand how you can be so destructive and so stubbornly holding grudges at the same time. These are terrible characteristics. I hope you recognize them and grow out of them soon.

Ok so... is it that you're only super busy and eating with a lot when I'm not around? Because if I hadn't had to leave yesterday, I'd still be there and all last week when I was there, you didn't have shit to do or deal with.. so..... are you like...ignoring your entire life and responsibilities when I'm around or do you instantly pick up a ton of shit to do as soon as I leave your side? Because it sounds like you're bull shitting me or just flat out lying.

-how could you possibly tell me what's difficult for me?? You literally can't know that information. There is literally no mechanism for measuring such a thing- or at least not available to the public. So.....just stop. Stop trying to force me to do shit based on your idea of how doable it is for you. I am not you.

-wow...you can't compromise on getting what you want. You have to eat what you want exactly the way you want it despite it not existing at all until I offer it... I honestly think you're only making this demand because you know that I'm uncomfortable giving this information in the current moment. I gave you several different ways that you can receive this information but you shut down anything I say because you want it now and exactly the way you want it..... It has nothing to do with you caring about the situation or caring about me. And this whole reasoning based on wanting to know for the sake of deciding whether you want to deal with a person who's been through whatever experiences or if you want to deal with possibly having children with mental health issues is complete bull shit. Honestly, if this was about anything other than your ego and you wanting me to just do whatever the fuck you tell me to do, you could've easily gotten what you wanted by now. Logically, it has nothing to do with getting the information. If the information was most important to you, you would've done what you had to do to get it. But because it wasn't, you didn't. Instead, you stuck to your ultimatum. You stuck to getting what you asked for- what you demanded. Because getting what you ask for is more important to you than anything else. And that's honestly sickening as fuck. So fuck you. If you wanna leave, fuck you. Fine. Leave. As often as you tell me to leave, it makes sense that that's what you really want. When you say that this isn't the place for me, if you care o much about me, I would hope that you wouldn't stay in a situation that you believe is causing me harm. If I sincerely thought that I was causing you harm, I would leave you alone. But you don't want to be the first to leave. Just like you don't want to be the first to apologize. You can never be the bigger person. Smh. Little bitch nigga.

It's so disappointing to know that you are almost never willing to be the bigger person. You're almost never willing to go the extra mile. You're almost never willing to stand up and the man. You just whine about people not treating you as such- not respecting you, not treating you like an authority or not treating you like you're above in some way. But the thing is, you're not. You're small. You're a small person. There's no reason for anyone to look up to you or give you any more respect than any other living thing. There's no reason to honor you. There's nothing about you and nothing you've done that makes me or anyone else see you as any type of leader or boss or authority on anything. And when I ask you to be the one to step up and be something, you throw a fit because it's not your "responsibility" to take initiative... 💀💀💀 And you're so offended and that's such bs that you put a pillow between us... wow. That's some bitch ass shit. It's a reoccurring issue that you're just a little bitch.

Again........being a little bitch.

1. Don't tell me about anyone throwing shade at me in your presence. Especially when you don't have the capacity to check they ass. I've already asked you not to share shit like that with me. Now, it is a command. Do not tell me shit about people talking shit about me to you or in your presence.

2. Why is it that every time I have an issue with something you do, you flip it around and make the conversation about you and some issue you have with me??? Stop with the comparisons.

-damn...ugh. Hours and hours later and you're still whining and being a little bitch?? This is not helping your case. Little bitch ass bitch. Lordy. Exhausting. Smh.

-you send me into violent whirlwinds of depression. I've never experienced crashes like this throughout my life before you. I'm honestly afraid to continue this situation. What if it literally kills me? I don't want to risk giving you that guilt. I don't want to risk people blaming you and attack you for it. I don't want you to fall apart and kill yourself too. So...really, it might be better to just not be together. I cause you constant grief. You cause me constant grief. We're doing each other more harm than good.

You feel disrespected and unappreciated... I'm convinced that I am too big for you. I understand that I am a lot of things. But I think on all that I am and consider the thoughts and feelings of everyone I come in contact with on the daily basis and I am confident that I am not what you say I am. I don't morph into a terrible person when I'm dealing with you and then go back to being myself when you're not around. You have certain sensitivities that I might not be able to cater to. And because of the way you handle things, I don't have the desire to figure out how to cater to your sensitivities. Your juvenile behavior only adds to the sentiment of you being a small minded and weak willed person. I don't know how I could survive a marriage with you.

-it's getting to the point where.. this relationship just isn't worth it. Especially in terms of marriage? Why are you marrying me? Do you feel like you have to? Do you still feel pressured from these unspoken things that you get from my vibes or whatever? I know that you want to be married..... but I don't want you to marry me at the cost of us being miserable. Don't marry me if I make you miserable. And if I don't make you miserable, stop acting like I do.

-the fact that me asking for one thing led to all of this. Why can't you just stop telling me when people have negative sentiments toward me. That's all I'm asking for. But because that means you didn't handle it enough for me, I don't appreciate you. Because I didn't let you end a conversation by hanging up in my face, I'm disrespectful. Because you're upset, I mistreat you. Honestly...it's laughable. You're a joke. You're absolutely ridiculous. Extremely inconsistent. Completely illogical. And quite frankly, a large portion of what you do and say in response to things you dislike are unreasonable and unprogressive. I don't even know how I tolerate you. And to think, I'm constantly looking back and checking myself and taking responsibility for things and making compromises and changes to myself to appear you. Not that I'm doing things that make me better or help me to grow, just things that appear you for a moment in time until you change again and then I have to change for you again. But me? I'm actually making a better life for you. Making you better for you. You will never be worse than you were when you met me. I upgrade you're entire character but you see that as a bad thing. Like oh, you changed because of me and oh, your life changed because of me. Hm, yes. You're right. Cleaner, healthier, more mindful, less socially inept... seems like I'm helping you be a good human. But no. Because you were happy enough before... lol. Because ignorance is bliss, the good I bring to your life is considered bad. I'm shamed and scolded for these things. Lol. Fuck you. Fuck you and your idiot ass. Bitch ass idiot ass nigga. You idiot. Your aunt Leslie was trying to tell you not to fuck this up. She saw the gold in me. But you flat out tell me to my face that I am not golden and that you will never see me as such and you refuse to think highly of me?? Ohhh sweetheart...... I wish I could save you from yourself. You're going to lose me and realize that there is nothing and no one better. Now, I might lose you and realize that there is no one big enough for me but there are definitely men who are better than you. My being alone is better than you. So the comparisons will never go in your favor. I'm trying me best not to give you what you deserve but you make it so hard.. You know for a fact that I am naturally giving and helpful and that I constantly build people up and provide for people and lift people's spirits in a million different ways. But you fight me on that. You want to feel special so none of those things are of value to you unless no one else is receiving that care and kindness. Do you know how childish and idiotic and selfish you sound? Grow up. Just do it. Do it now. Because you're too old for this bs. I know that you're only a year older than I am but even I'm old enough to check myself. You talk about being wise but true wisdom would be for you to take charge of your character and develop the skills to handle most situations with grace as opposed to throwing a tantrum and telling your soon to be wife that she's not allowed in the space you've previously decided to share just because you're upset. Lol. Get your panties out of your ass. Stand up straight. And get your fucking life. Smh. So ridiculous.

-you want to be treated like this.....man. Like a MAN. But you ain't no man! You are a boy. You can't even stand for anything like a man. You are a boy. Stop acting like a baby boy and then being angry and throwing tantrums when people don't meet your expectations of being treated like a man... slap yourself. Lol.

You don't want me to seem like I need you or need anything but the basics- otherwise there's too much pressure on you. But you want to see my appreciation of you at every move you make. It's clear that thank you's, cooking and cleaning, shoulder rubs, groceries, and gas money aren't enough to make you feel appreciated. So...what exactly are you looking for? Just compliance, right? Getting what you want when you want it is the key to happiness for you. Compliance and control. Power. Power seems to be your issue here. And I don't know how to help you with that. Your power is over yourself. You will never have power over me. Especially as long as you're so hungry for it.

Me giving you my time and attention equals me taking up your time and attention. Me giving you things equals me not appreciating you or looking down on what you have yourself. Me being great equals me considering myself greater than you. Am I getting these things right? *sighs* You're honestly just proving to me that you're a nut job. That you're an emotional wreck and a manipulative sicko. I'm never going to try to prove myself to you because I am already committed to my work and my growth and my greatness. You need to learn to do the same for yourself and take responsibility for that shit because it's not for me- it's for your very own soul. Save yourself. Don't play yourself.

You specifically said that you didn't love me before. And now, you've said that I will never be golden to you. You're actually abusive and I understand that you attack whenever you're hurt or aggravated or frustrated...but...that doesn't make it ok. And it's taking longer than I'd hoped to forgive you for all of the things you purposely say and do in an effort to hurt me or bring me down. I know that you're sick and I want to help you but I can't help you if you're constantly trying to break me. I'm not saying that I don't believe you love me... but I think that you're mental and emotional health problems keep you from being able to love me or receive love from me. It's making you a danger to me.

-your perception is so fucked. You only see terrible things. Anything can set you off. Literally anything can be a trigger for you. I don't know how to care for you or give you peace in your heart or help you manage your emotions. You're so manipulative and abusive with this emotional blackmail shit...always playing the victim. You put every flaw you have on me as if I have it too or caused it for you. And these games you play... trying to be everything you hate about me...as if that proves anything besides the fact that you're a terrible sick person. You're making this so hard. Trying to test me. Trying to make me prove something to you. Setting up obstacles to see if I'll jump through fire for you. And I would. But what if I just can't jump very high? What if I jump a million times and never make it through? Maybe I'm just not the person you need or want.

-are you trying to make me leave? Are you trying to break me? Are you trying to push me away? Are you trying to make me give up? Are you trying to show me that I shouldn't want to be here because you don't want to be here? If you're done...just.....leave. It's ok. I don't want to hate you. You don't have to make it as terrible as possible to make it ok. It's ok to leave if you just don't want to be here. Don't torture me. You can't make me leave. I wish you'd stop trying.

You went from passive aggressive to aggressive and controlling. You've made it clear what you're looking for. You've proven yourself to be exactly what I think you are. If this is truly your reality, I will retrieve my things and remove myself from your life. Fine. Embarrassing. But it's fine.

I'm working really hard to learn how to deal with you. So far, you're a paranoid pessimist, passive-aggressive, complainer, blame-placer, and manic depressive person. I don't know if I have what it takes to help you. I'm exhausted and I still have my own issues to deal with at the end of the day. I wish you were open enough to help me help you.

This is honestly the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. You're feeling like you're working through your issues alone... You are. That's what you said you needed. And I can't easily defy your senseless wishes when I have no car or money. So...? Ok. You need food and love. No car or money = no food.. but, what does love look like to you? Besides bending to your every request and/or demand? I understand that you're going through a lot right now...but I still don't know when to take your words at face value and when to ignore you, keep the routine up, and let the storm pass. I don't know how to give you opposing things. I can't do the wishy washy flip flop with you. I can't change my lifestyle every day to match a new set of rules/needs/wants based on your mood. I love you but you're way isn't working.

---3.22.17

I know that as your partner, you want (and in most cases should have) access to me no matter what. I know that. The few cases where I believe that you aren't entitled to that access is when you are purposely causing harm. I do believe that there are different effects of actions based on the intentions behind them. Intentional harm is more severe than unintentional/accidental harm. It's true in life just as it is in the law.

You have come to some conclusions about me that lead you to be intentionally harmful to me whether it's in an effort to get your way or get your point across or get me to do something-behave a certain way... and... it's just not working. I'm not an animal that you can train by shocks or pops on the nose or sprays of water. Harming me does not change my behavior. I'm human. Knowledge changes my thinking- therefore changing my behavior and my approach on things.

For example, you're being insensitive and inconsiderate of my feelings and depression. Saying that I use my mental illness as a crutch. Not knowing that I worked through my feelings and illness for over 10 years before I was even willing to admit that I even felt that pain or needed help at all. So now that I'm finally at a point in my life where I am willing to speak about it and willing to get help, it infuriates me when people treat me as if I'm just weak. Or as if I am just lazy and not taking responsibility for my own wellness. I am. One of the first things they told me to do was to reach out to loved ones/supportive people.

I recognize that loved ones may not always count as supportive people and that all supportive people may not be loved ones. So I can accept that you can be one and without being the other- and I'm not trying to force you to be both. Just understand that if you aren't fighting with me, I can't be concerned with how you're affected as a bystander. Whether you're being caught between blows by me against the illness or by blows directly from the illness itself. If the fight is not your problem, the effects the fight has on you are not my problem. My wellness is more important to me. I don't have a choice.

You probably think I'm being stubborn. -that I'm stubbornly not apologizing for my actions at the cost of me getting what I want (contact with you). But in actuality, I don't regret my actions. I regret having a negative affect on you. And I don't want to be in contact with you until I feel like you're less harmful to me- and I don't feel that way yet. I still feel like you're trying to train me as if I'm some type of subordinate to you.

Using all sorts of things as tools of manipulation, makes me more and more uncomfortable complying with your demands. You thinking that making the situation more extreme will force me to comply, is incorrect. It will leave you and I both at a loss. Your need for control is scary to me. You will never be in control of me. That is not what marriage is. You trying to manipulate me with extreme measures and ultimatums is unacceptable. I will not comply based on anything but my own will and my own desire to please you- not your desire to be pleased.

So...if you actually want to talk to me, you're stubbornness in holding out until you get the specific apology you gave an ultimatum for is stopping you from getting what you want. Both the apology as well as contact.

4.27.17

You called me baby for the first time. We're a strong 2 weeks out of our mental emotional episodes and all is well. I think that understanding the sickness and troubles we have individually is finally giving us an opportunity to support each other and giving/receiving that support is doing us a lot of good. I love you. I hope that we can do everything we need to do to make this work.

4.29.17

I realize that it's probably because of the disorder but I can't deal with the blowing things out of proportion. I'm not allowed to have any issue- definitely not allowed to ask you to solve any issue -because it's just flipped back on me as if I'm ruining your entire life. Extremes. All or nothing. I honestly don't even know who you would be without these behaviors.. but I sure af hope I find out...very soon.

-I'm sorry that I can't live with the cat. I wish I could deal with it. I with I didn't notice so many small details. I wish I had another solution to offer. But I don't. I've been having an issue since before February... nothing has changed and nothing has gotten any better. No solutions have been put into play. No amount of wiping or vacuuming has worked. I understand that you need a calm outlet. I'm looking for other things to help you with that. But I can't feel this disgusting in a place I have to come back to every single day. I can't avoid or throw out food constantly or just eat cat hair. I know that my feelings are extreme to you, maybe I have OCD too. But I've tried to just deal with it, I've tried to hold my tongue, grit and bear it.. I bought a fucking vacuum.. it's just too much. I understand that the cat is young and it'll shed less at some point.. But I need a solution to make this space livable in two months- 63 days to be exact. I can't live like this. I can't even chill temporarily like this. I can barely sit on the couch.. I'm uncomfortable in the bed.. being naked.. my shower towel.. eating anything... I'm sorry but I just can't deal. I've been trying since I first got in here.. I can't even re-wear my clothes if I sit in the wrong place in here... I mean...? I'm sorry. I just can't.

-💀you just shaved your whole face out of frustration? 😂😂😂 you look like your dad...who looks like a pedophile murderer creep... so I'm laughing.......but not really...

I can't stand the drama. Constant drama.

4.30.17

-unsent text"I need you to care. I need you to care enough to help or at least try to help. But you don't. And you won't. You make it clear that you didn't choose to be here and that you barely want me around and that all your sacrifices/compromises aren't worth it- whatever it is. I would prefer to not just...be a burden and make your life hell and apparently change you're entire life for worse. I see that you think you shouldn't do anything because I apparently put us here all on my own. Apparently if I want to be with you I should put up with whatever there is to put up with and if I have complaints, I should just shove them because I chose to pursue this situation. Just FYI, I wasn't pursuing an intimate relationship. I wanted to be someone who you could count on and lean on because you seemed to feel like you were/are alone- not based on your own choice. Someone to care for you because you were/are clearly unwell and not taken care of. I just wanted to be there for you. You decided that you didn't want a friend. You decided to focus on marriage. You decided to be exclusive. You decided to prompt me to move in and be around. You wanted this and you chose this and there was no facade and you were not tricked. I am done."

5.10.17

I've really been trying. To be here and to be happy. I honestly feel hopeless. I feel like this will never be a good thing. I'm so unhappy. I'm so lonely even when you're around. I feel like I should be with almost anyone else. I feel like you can't be bothered with my feelings unless they're blatantly about leaving you. I can't live like this. July feels like a death sentence. I have to actively silence my thoughts to keep from praying to die. I would rather just not be here. I can't handle anything for you or anything about you. I don't want to be a stress, burden, trigger, or any type of negative for you. But since I am, I don't know why you want me here. I would rather just not. I'm so hurt. I'm so alone. I should've checked out by now. I can't live like this.

5.16.17

I should start documenting good times as well. Maybe I could use them to calm myself when times like these get overwhelming...like now. This battle with unhealthy ideals of fairness and equality and reciprocity... I can't deal. It seems like there are endless things that I can't deal with. It seems like I have too many boundaries, rules, standards...and I notice too many details. I make you uncomfortable. You feel like you can't have anything and you can't do anything... So, I feel like I'm holding you back from the freedom and joy you feel entitled to. So...what am I supposed to do? Since I'm the problem, I should change or leave, right? But if I change, you become the problem. So, what I'm hearing in all of this is that I should leave. What I'm hearing is that I am not the person for you. What I'm hearing is that I am not a good partner for you. And apparently you aren't really a good partner for me either. I'm honestly just so over this shit. I hope and pray for God to take me every fucking day. It's so exhausting. Fuck it.

5.17.17

Unsent: "So...you said you were ok... you said that you were over it... Then you start acting out on my phone like a little bitch. How does this make sense? Stfu talking to me nigga."

5.22.17

Stop walking into my realm full of gloom and resentment. Take a deep breath and drop that shit outside the door. I can't take that shit. I hate doing so much to make you happy and none of it counts or matters because it doesn't look like reciprocity or because you're salty about some stupid shit that you fucking caused. Fuck you. Keep wondering why I'm not sure. Need to start wondering if you need to look for a new fiancé.

You think I'm asleep but I'm actually just relaxing into a prayer that we get hit dead across by a semi truck.

You think you're little attitude and passive aggressive behaviors when you say you're ok is just aggravating to me but in reality, I'm trying my best not to jump out of the window or slit my throat or shatter everything in the apartment...across your head.

You think that these things are small. To you they're just little snags. And maybe they should be. But to me they aren't. To me they're strikes against us. And boy oh boy do we rack'em up. We have more bad days than good. I think that's a problem. I think that's reason to step the fuck out of this. I'd rather leave than slowly hate you deeper and deeper.

5.23.17

Oh, no kiss goodbye? Because you're still upset? Oh. Since you said that you were good and implied that I was the one trippin, I thought I'd believe you... but that's the type of thing you can't help but lie about, right? Every single time. "I'm gonna sleep soundly tonight".....bs. Not when you avoid touching me with every fiber of your soul... and not when you specifically don't do things that are normal to us and that I've asked you to do and that you like to do... out of spite and salty ass bitch ass having an attitude... I hope you know I'm a light sleeper. So I hear you bitching to yourself while you get ready in the morning.........bitching about some shit that you were supposed over or ok with or good about...

Just FYI, you're an idiot. I didn't use the cat as some excuse as to why I'm not doing anything. I don't need an excuse to not do some shit that's just for me... You're not getting rid of the cat for me to paint here. You're getting rid of the cat so that I can eat, sit, walk, and sleep in peace.. Quite frankly, I could've been painting somewhere else but you didn't want me to... Also, I didn't apologize for not accepting you're "ok" in place of yes. I apologized for telling you what to do...as opposed to asking or suggesting. If you answer "ok" to a yes or no question, it implies that your answer is not yes or no and that you might prefer something else. But instead of voicing that something else, you hold it in like a little bitch so that you can pout about it for the next 18 hours. My point is to be direct...so that you can stop doing that little bitch ass attitude shit because it's hard not to see you as a little bitch- it's hard to respect you as a grown, intelligent person when you're acting like a passive aggressive little bitch having a mini tantrum for a continuous 18 hours... I hope you have a nice day- even though you constantly go out of your way to ruin mine. 🖕🏾

6.17.17

I can't say goodnight? What, it was 30 minutes earlier than you falling asleep? Things like this are why I feel like trying to please you is hopeless. I'm literally in trouble for doing something kind. It's as if everything I do or say is just wrong. I can't do anything right. Walking on eggshells and still failing.

I don't what I'm supposed to do here.

[healthspiritbody]

9 Reasons Incredible Women Often Have The Worst Dating Lives

Stop for a moment and think about your group of girlfriends. Chances are, you can easily pinpoint the one friend who seems perpetually unlucky in love (it may even be you). Yet, she’s one of the most intelligent, well-rounded, and beautiful people you know.

So what gives?

Turns out, it might just be all of those amazing qualities that are keeping her from finding love.

Here’s why…

She has built-in jerk repellent.

By default, your ultra-intuitive bestie can detect anything toxic from a mile away. Hence, why men looking for a woman to accept their BS behavior steer clear. While most would consider this a good thing, this no-tolerance policy might make them miss out on a solid relationship. The truth is, everyone is going to disappoint you at some point in your life, and granting second chances (within reason) isn’t only healthy, it’s necessary.

She’s intimidating.

Some guys don’t know how to handle intimidating women, let alone date them. Often times, people perceive confidence as arrogance and allow their feelings to be skewed by their own insecurity. If people are intimidated by you, own that. Be kind. Be strong. Be unapologetically you.

She’s independent AF

Let me begin with, if he can’t handle his girl having her independence – he’s not worth a second thought.

The truth is, some men naturally desire to be needed in the relationship. So, any sign that this woman can handle her own business and doesn’t need him is a huge blow to the ego. Ultimately, his insecurity in his manhood will be crippling to the relationship.

You’re not getting any BS past her.

You’re not getting anything past this girl. She’s ALWAYS on her game and can hear lies coming from your mouth before you’ve even spoken. So – why exactly are you wasting her time and yours?

She’s super picky because she knows her worth.

When a woman is picky it doesn’t always mean she’s judgmental; more often than not it just means she just knows what she wants. Or perhaps more appropriately, she knows what she doesn’t want.

  She’s intense.

Sometimes she doesn’t have control over her intensity – and that’s ok. She’s an intense lover, storyteller, friend, and communicator. She’s an open book with her life, and often times, her transparency can be overwhelming to those that don’t share the same level of passion. Whether her mood is good, bad, or ugly…she does them all with the same level of intensity.

She has REAL life goals.

Often times, women who are making their dreams come true focus less on love, and more on reaching personal milestones. Whether that be in career, fitness, or academia, her motivation sets her apart. She’s not someone you swipe right or left on. She’s someone you dive head first with, or you don’t dive at all.

She’s the most mature woman in the room, in every room.

She’s balanced. She doesn’t gossip or dwells on negativity. She knows what you think of her is none of her concern. She likes who she is and she’s not changing.

So, she sits waiting.

Waiting for someone to match her level of poise. And you know what, she might wait a lifetime. But she’s ok with it. Relationships are challenging enough as is, she’d rather be alone than to spend even a second attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole.

While men scour aimlessly digging through the rough, she’s the diamond just below the surface waiting to be found.

If a man knows what he’s looking for, he won’t be distracted by anything less than what he sought out to find. And when he finds her, he’ll have never been so glad she sat there waiting.

Waiting patiently for him, just below the surface.

Whether this article resonates with you personally or reminds you a friend – know that her time will come, if she waits for it.

Let her know by sharing this article with friends and family by clicking the button below!

9 Reasons Incredible Women Often Have The Worst Dating Lives was originally published on Health Spirit Body