#and maybe tell me how its gonna work
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I'm so confused with tomorrow
there's a soccer game. I don't know where I go. Only certain kids can go to the media center. You have to have a 504 or IEP. I have a 504. But I don't wanna go to the media center... I wanna be able to sit and watch a soccer game with my friends and partner and make jokes and be freezing on the bleachers and complain about how I should've just not come because this day is pointless
The media center isn't gonna help anyway. I don't understand anything that's happening I'm gonna freak out. The soccer game...well...at least I know what's going on..
I just wanna be like the other highschoolers...I don't want to need special accommodations. I don't want to go into the "backup plan" for the kids who can't handle it...
I'm just gonna he alone when I freak out and they'll all try to help in the wrong way and it's gonna get worse and I'm gonna wanna die before going back to school...it's gonna make me hate myself even more and then im just gonna be miserable all weekend
Because it basically shows in my face that I can't be normal. I can't do fun things like other teens. I just have to sit in another room while the world goes on without me. They don't know how miserable that can make a person feel.
When I do freak out, they're gonna make it worse. Because they think they know how my brain works but they don't. None of them do... I hate when they follow something because "protocol" or some bullshit...because last time they did they tried to drag me into a wheelchair. It's terrifying...
It. Doesn't. Help.
And I don't even know what my 504 plan is...I don't know how it works. Nobody told me.
So basically. They're really fucking good at making someone feel worthless...
#why is it like that#someone shouldve told me what a 5p4 was#if its for me why not tell me ehats on the fucking plan#instead of just shving me into a new place#with 10 times the kid#in less than half the grades#and maybe tell me how its gonna work#instead of just letting me#“figure it out”#because that makrs me hate myself more than i already do....#amd itakes me think that my brain eill never be good enough for them....#i should just...#get pushed to the side#and stored away#with all the other broken parts
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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confession time!!! can't wait for bt bones
#how is it gonna happen tho#dont know if i like buck prioritizing eddie over t or buck and t just now really meshing more#ooooh#or they breakup cuz t doesnt want kids#thats always good#i dont want to villianize t just because i dont like him (jk i do)#so maybe buck and t just kinda dont work out#like its not a bad breakup its just one those i like you but we wont work long term breakuos#or t says no kids and bucks empty womb is like devastaed so obviously they have to break up (bpreg got to me im so sorry)#or they full send and make t the worst person ever#like fully sides with gerrard and tells buck to play into gerrards bs (not gonna happen but if it did tim i would love you forever)#anyway#cant wait for them to breakup#wait no#the funniest thing would be an offscreen breakup#especially after all that in season 7 hes just gone with buck saying yeah we broke up#💀💀💀#honestly manifesting that even tho its not gonna happen#a girl can dream#okay t hater hours are over#buddie#because ofc#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#sorrh i just dont like him and i dont think canon can do anything to change that
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(in general, removed from any specific au's where he needs to swim/not swim for Plot)
(personally, i think my stance is that he has some ability to keep himself afloat in calmer waters- on the shore or in a pool- but not in the way where its a particular skill. hes spend enough time dicking around in the shallows with Jack & Sam & Ed to know how to handle himself in water where he cant consistently reach the bottom, to feel comfortable cooling off by a waterfall, but is also keenly aware that if he goes overboard, even in relatively calm waters, being able to swim isnt going to do anything to save his life if a dinghy isnt sent. hes not gonna drown the second he's in the ocean or anything, but hes screwed if the waters a little too rough or its late or a raid and it isnt noticed before the ships a way away.)
#this came to mind bc i was writing a thing that had this 'of course izzy cant swim' moment and i suddenly realised. i dont know where people#stand on this. god knows i love a drowning fic but thats situational not swimming to me. for the whump#doesnt mean you think he has no swimming skills; you gotta put that man in a Predicament#so! poll#this was gonna be a yes/no/other poll buuuut i ended up deciding to add treading water (type things) as an option in the poll#because i figured itd be the most common nuance take (its my take after all) and id rather leave nuance for people who have unique ideas#(and maybe some people will consider treading water as just swimming too so. fair divide! give u ur own special button for Statistics)#ok but actually tell me your headcanons. tell meeeeee#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#additional: i say stay afloat bc i dont see it as a traditional tread water as such. more like... leaning into natural buoyancy?#like how you can lie on your back and float. hes completely untrained but he has something that works for him#ed can swim btw. it was something he wanted to learn so he did. but hes never had any interest in teaching izzy#(this will come back to bite him later)#hes occasionally raised it with izzy; when hes doing laps in a quiet spring they found. but the topic switched and it never went anywhere#(i debated adding my personal comments to the op for a while but. i like hearing what other people have to say. so.)
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sasha charades continue!! but first a little mix up on productions part of who has the "sasha celly" prompt which is lundy so luosty has to sit down again for lundy whos going 2nd
me! me me me me!! i have the prompt!! its me!! (during their stage intros at the beginning the mc slipped them a piece of paper with a prompt on it)
boys very excited to see how lundy will piss off sasha this time; on the menu? imitating how sasha barely cellies
a wrist shot and an arm up in barely kept enthusiasm as he glides to the bench in solemenity as a sasha goal and celly
and on the accuracy scale?
well the tapes surely speak for themselves here...
it seems sasha has a better connection with lundy (or maybe its really obvious and lundy has teased him exactly like this before XD; no fucking doubt about it that he has) because he basically gets it in an instant (unsurprising considering when they played a newly weds-esque game they ended up tying 8 a piece which is honestly really impressive considering how much luosty floundered with mikksy)
feat. the nosy finnish peanut gallery eagerly awaiting sashas response. SHIT STIRRERS. THE LOT OF YOU.
sasha who seems to take lundys teasing a lot better than mikksys can giggle about this one without too much trouble also because hes guessed it right for once he must feel relieved lmaooo
Sasha Cup Party | 7.31.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#anton lundell#eetu luostarinen#niko mikkola#florida panthers#lundy getting sasha celly parade prompt is too PERFECT#you can absolutely tell hes done this so many fucking times before#and thats why sasha instantly gets it#its okay when lundy teases sasha he doesnt get too annoyed maybe its because hes see lundy like a little kitten#baby doesnt quite have the claws yet not like mikksy XD#mikksy and luosty being so invested on how sasha is gonna react PLEASEEEE#ofc lundy can get away with these things...#lundys so cute pointing to himself like me ooo ooo its me thats me not luosty ME#lundy barely kept a straight face throughout the whole ordeal he wanted to giggle SO BADDDD#luosty and mikksy ARE SO NOSYYYYY#GET OUTTA HERE YOU GUYS WANNA MARTYR THE BABY SO BAD#lundy follows little brother rules very closely which is: when youre expected to be in trouble; youre actually not#it also works vice versa but luckily for lundy it didnt come to that he lives another day
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i play an artificer raccoon (tabaxi stats) in my in-person dnd game. his name is Rabie, and he made his armor out of trash. he wears a traffic cone as a wizard hat. not a request, just a fun fact I felt like sharing since you've been doing raccoon dnd classes
18: Artificer Raccoon
#RABIE IS SUCH A GOOD NAME FOR A RACCOON!!!!#THAT'S SO FUNNY#please tell him i love him#this isnt exactly rabie fanart (no hat or armor) but this did motivate me to finally get to the artificer raccoon#it was the most daunting of the classes by far#well maybe aside from bloodhunter i still have NO idea how im gonna depict a bloodhunter raccoon#oh well#also i really like the idea of using tabaxi stats for a raccoon thats really smart#i wouldnt have thought of it (i wouldve tried looking up a homebrew statblock or homebrew it myself#or maybe the humblewood stats#but the more i think abt tabaxi just makes sense and works#raccoon#raccoonaday#18#artificer raccoon#its gonna be another two raccoon day#bc apparently im just really bad at drawing them on the dayd i have dnd (tuesdays thursdays and sundays)#rip
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quick random poll because this has been bugging me since frontiers came out
cutscene in question -> X
#if you have stuff to say please tell me i wanna hear thoughts on this#not to sway the poll but its felt like such a weird cutscene to me and not right for their characters#but i dont know if i have any reasoning for it#something about how maybe knux is too trusting ? but he really hasnt been lately#tryna work it out in my head. different situations sonics been in and how hes handled them#he kinda just rolled with merlina. then again she wasnt directly working against him at the start. same with shahra#maybe im getting a mix of idws sonic in it and thats whats rubbing the wrong way#its got a similar feel to the whole 'i can fix them' attitude he has toward enemies and rivals in those comics that just isnt my favorite#dont want to get into idw arguments but it does bother me#rraaaaaa ive gotta stop trying to analyze sonics character its gonna drive me crazy#rambles#sth#sonic frontiers spoilers#anyway this is just genuine curiosity and asking for clarification if anyone does think its in-character and why#i like hearing thoughts on this stuff#can you tell its midnight for me
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why didn't anyone tell me that Hannibal is a comedy
#its absolutely Absurd lmfao#'you wouldnt like me psychoanalyzed' SIR????????#what is he??? autistic hulk??? s i r ?????#i really didnt expect them to reveal Yeah Hannibal is The Cannibal literally in his first appearance#i thought it was gonna be like... Hinted at... maybe the reveal is in the season finale or a later season#NOPE. they were immediately like 'yeah heres our main villain. hes a therapist. everyone likes him. hes so sus but no one picks up on it'#and then. fuckin. will didn't make it One Episode before eating human meat#will describing the 'copycat' killer's work as Art etc & then we cut to hannibal smiling at this description#motherfucker isnt slick. this is hysterical#every five minutes theres a reference to the copycat or cannibals or whatever#and immediately theres a shot of hannibal standing off to the side like 🧍#HES SO FUNNY AND FOR WHAT#absolutely unprompted#god and hannibal. like. bringing link sausages to feed will's dogs. what in the cartoony ass villain fuckery is this#its Also funny how like three different people - including hannibal - are trying to rizz up will#so far the only one actively succeeding from what i can tell is hannibal#and then - then fuckin. will is all like 'i feel responsible for abigail 🥺' and lowkey hinting that he wants to take care of her#smash cut to hannibal making her his murder kid. the fuck. hes so transparent#hannibal 'abigail is a bit like both of us<3' lecter#and him continuously having dinner with jack and jack being like Ohhhh This Dinner Is So Good Whats The Meat#hannibal: *suspicious pause* rabbit#theres just so many funny moments from all of the characters#all functionally unintentional. but still. love this show#i was gonna finish naruto or watch warrior nun but fuck!!! didnt do that!!! watching the gay subtext cannibal show!#literally in the first ep when will was like 'this guy is killing and eating women bc he loves them' i was Immediately like#ohhhh so this is like A Killer Per Episode show. bc theres no way thats hannibal lmfao#also jack and wills dynamic... jacks like 'this is my special little guy <3' and then points to will whos huddled shaking in the corner#this show is so entertaining. i expected it to be boring. its fuckin weird and i Like It#i hope it gets sooooo fucked up. cant wait for hannibal to really lean into the manipulation to convert will to Murderism. its already begu
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well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job
#maybe i should just become unemployed. maybe i should just suffer!#recap of todays further events .#that supervisor? who i kinda didnt already like but now absolutely hate?#she came down to confirm that i wasnt leaving. okay . and then she fucking tells me#oh we're going to get another person to help out from this other company. we were going to do that bc we thought you were leaving#but she thinks that even if im staying there should be another person on this floor. bc apparently more has to be done#and there are 'constant complaints' abt this floor . which doesnt make sense to me bc there shouldnt be#and so we're waiting to see what the manager decides but hes on fucking vacation and wont get back until. next week??#she said she was gonna email him and like right after she left i emailed and texted him explaining everything#and trying to very nicely say hey what the fuck are you doing you don't need to hire anyone else#and if im doing a bad job fucking tell me so i can do it better. bitch#and she had the nerve to fucking tell me when she was talking to me#that i wont find an easier job than this one#well if its so fucking easy why are we hiring someone else#by the way getting that extra person from this other company doesnt cost them anything which is why theyre doing it i think#which is making me not feel good abt my own future lmao. like why would they keep paying me when they can get someone for free#and she was saying all this stuff like oh you have it so good here we dont write you up i do all this stuff to help you like . ok#i didnt ask you to come downstairs w the coffee order and if you wanted me to i would come up . god#but the thing of me not being able to find a better job like wow! what if i killed you. for saying that to my face#and she talks abt how shes been w the company 20 years ok and that doesnt give you an excuse to treat me like a child. jesus#anyway im very pissed off and not enjoying my work situation lol. i dont wanna do this anymore#but looking at other jobs im so unemployable. sigh
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woag. vibeo game?
(very rough still)
(but now theres more colours)
#game dev#my art#murderhouse makeover#fuck it whatever im probably never gonna do the legal shit for this#slim chance i even make it to uploading on itch lmao#turns out game dev takes a REALLY long time when you dont know what you're doing#also i should not have waited this long to make the actual win state. how the hell am i gonna quantify decorating a house#since filming this video ive made the main menu buttons nicer and fixed the storage system#one of these days i'll actually put effort into the video#but also. i dunno#ive been telling myself id have enough to do a demo for the last two years now. im so tired and i keep not finishing shit#between making this and my full time job and also making regular ass drawings to put on this blog i kinda wanna throw the towel in#stop reading here if you dont wanna see my sad ass thought process#im not the kinda guy that gets Big Successes. like even if i finish and polish this fully it'll sell MAYBE a hundred copies#its kinda hard to keep going on this with that weighing on me yknow. like ive wasted months of work on this#this has been my free time for the past two years#i dont know#I DONT KNOW
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Im in such an obey me mood today haha
other than "pls dont tell asmo about that",,,, i have questions about these freaking vegetables
(im putting under the cut since im talking about food and bad eating habits/diet related stuff)
im assuming they would have to be mixed with other regular ingredients to prevent the hunger but it sounds like ppl would use them as the main component in a dish or just eat them by themselves
So does all of it get digested? No leftovers (waste) comes out the other end im guessing? is it like a magic type thing?? it has to be right? Cause if not...ur body will take the calories needed to replace the ones burnt, take the nutrients, and the rest will just get tossed out
And since it doesnt make you full, like wouldnt it be way too easy to overeat this type of thing? so you could accidentally end up making urself go to the restroom more often :/
Ig if it gives u the nutrients u need that itll be useful then. So maybe its a 'heres ur macros for the day' type dealo? but u still have to go eat an actual meal or make sure u mix it with other stuff tho
#ik its just a silly joke type text but i do like to take these things and overthink them and apply them to real life#its just interesting to me cause ik the answers will never come so its like a brain exercise or something#eating disorder tw#just to be safe#but yea..................#im gonna just go off in the tags cause im just wondering about when this would be useful cause regular veggies are the better choice to me#ig that could be useful in a very specific circumstance where you went over calories but still need certain macros..but like...its veggies#going over for some for veggies isnt that big a deal imo but if ur mostly concerned with deficit then ud cut anywhere u can...#u could also like use it to lessen the calories in the dish overall and maybe add more of the ingredients u actually like#tho i feel like it would not remove that many calories in the first place#and ud probably wouldnt even get to add that much more of what u actually want in comparison#and then...ur gonna be hungry cause u took away a big volume of the food which was the regular vegetables#but for me when im making food the last thing im worried about in my dish is the freaking vegetables#im trying to add more veggies and less of everything else ._.#i feel like this would make more sense if it was like a sugary treat#especially if this is supposed to be a thing that helps with cravings#u get to eat and enjoy the thing without consequence (for the most part) while eating a more restrictive diet#tho it would probably be even more dangerous than the veggies when it comes to overeating...#idk how the demon biology works but it seems about the same to humans but just more durable#and with asmos eating habits...i can already see in my minds eye whats gonna go down#it just seems like a bad idea all around to tell him about this!#obey me nightbringer
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.
#god i was so giddy today (or well i guess yesterday. its almost 2am JDJFJFJF)#i was waitin all day for him to finish work so i could message him n he messaged me in seconds... triple texted NDNDJDJDNDNDMDMDN#god hes so cute. im so !@@@@@ i like him so much. like ..... !!!!!!!!!!!!#he makes me so happy idk how to explain. i just !!!!!!@@ like him so !!!!@@ much !!!!#why do i deprive myself of him 😭😭😭😭😭#but i mean we did talk for 2 hours straight in person a few weeks ago. not much you can like. converse about after that JDJDJDJDJDJDJ#:')))))))))#maybe i'll let myself be a lil hopeful.... 🥺🥺🥺#personal#also omg i think i figured out why he was so combative??? when i saw him last#i think it was bc of our mutual friend...........#n e way HDNDNDNDNDN#so maybe thats why he was like that. bc with me.... sure we tease each other but hes not like....... out for the kill idk JDJDJDNDNNDNDND#hes so sweet.... like not in an obvious way but like NDNNDMDDMD IDK.#we'll put it this way....#when ppl ask him for help... he tells them to google it#meanwhile hes explaining stuff to me in detail; going up to the teacher n asking questions for me; getting up out of his seat n#looking for a plug for me JFJDJDJDD LIKE ?????#hes also so polite... thanks ppl... holds the door for ppl. god hes so......#if he's like....... the guy im gonna be with for the rest of my life... o i'll be so happy BDJZNZNNZNZNZNZNZ#THIS IS SO SAPPY GOD.#if u saw the messages you'd be like literally what are you giddy over HFJDJDJJDJDJDJD AND THATS OKAY#hes just some guy.... love that about him the most.....
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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IM SO COOOOOKED
#midterm tomorrow morning its got 6 weeks worth of content its 1:30am rn and I'm on like slide 2 of week 1#i CANT LOCK IN i keep going on my phone#tell me why i was on pinterest looking at room inspo when ive got not funds to change how my room looks like Please this isnt the time#maybe posting this will force me to work#i also have to present right after the midterm and i did manage to practice for that so i havent been Completely useless#but this exam is gonna be kinda hard too like i Need to study i cant bs it
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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everyday all day i am just being sharply juggled against my will between im ok :] .. im not ok i am feeling the fear and dread so hard my organs r trying to evacuate and crush me at the same time every part of my body hurts and then no youre ok ! :] no im not . yeah ur ok :] wait nope . not ok. alright im ok :o) ................... no
#currently in the nos#i was fine i was so joyful just a few seconds ago and then suddenly the weight of the world hit#for no reason#and now i am just scared#stressed#worried so bad my entire jaw aches#my heart Hurts#i feel nauseous#everything is going to go wrong#my worst fears are on their way and its solely because of me its because im afraid of them#everything i care about is gonna get hurt & destroyed because of me#i cannot breathe#i dont want to be here to watch it happen#maybe i was wrong maybe the curse is real n its never leaving#what if i get too happy#and it takes everything#i miss when i finally convinced myself it wasnt and i was just a paranoid little mess#and everything was actually caused by the surroundings#and even without me it would have happened#but now its too important#i cant let myself risk it#even if anything would without me i still have to prevent it#i dont even know how. im powerlesss. nothing i do works nothing my brain tells me will fix things does
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