#its absolutely Absurd lmfao

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

why didn't anyone tell me that Hannibal is a comedy

[zaptrap]

Seeing that you've been here since 2012 is INSANE like you've witnessed it all huh. You've seen probably SO many weird and crazy things in this fandom like man that's so cool for you I feel...

ive def seen and participated in a lot of dumbass bullshit over the years LMAO. although notsomuch during the skybound-to-seabound era cuz i'd lost interest for a bit

Random shit I remember off the top of my head (plz feel free to fact-check):

deviantart era: (2012-2013)

that bright green ninjago ask meme

like, literally everybody making self-insert purple ninjas (sometimes orange, teal, or rainbow) and shipping them with their fav ninja

everyone making their own genderbends of the ninja. cole was almost always called nicole or colette lmao

people also naming their accounts (name)-the-ninja (or "teh-ninja", since this was 2012)

there's a non-zero probability that if you were in the fandom during the season 1 era, you're a furry now

naruto crossovers

half-snake ninja aus.........wonder who uh......who could've done that.....heheh (me) (that was my whole deal pre-nindroid!jay lmfao)

everyone posting like, doll-maker things they made of ninjago? especially dragon ones

(me) posting leaked screenshots of season 2 eps that i found on the lego wiki or smth lmao. this is also how i found out zane was a robot. i think i kept posting leaks when i moved to tumblr

legends of chima releasing and i thiiink it was supposed to be a ninjago replacement? like, legitimately? though a lot of people weren't happy about it. "furry gang drug wars" was a phrase used a lot lmfao.

tumblr era (2013-2016 for me) (may overlap with dA era)

everyone losing their minds over the shirtless ninja in ns2 lmfao

that one video of kirby marrow (rest in peace) saying cole was 14

that other vid of like, behind the scenes and it was the ninja's actors but like in-universe? it's where "cole bucket" comes from

also some behind the scenes vid with the actual voice actors lol

thinking back on this, im like 100% sure it was bullshit but when the end of rebooted aired, there was a rumor going around about fans being so upset over zane's death that they carved a snowflake on their stomachs. lots of people were freaking out lmfao

the rise and fall of "fucknoshittyninjagoOCs" (ashamed to say i heavily participated in harassing this blog even if i rlly didnt like the premise.........)

maypong

lots of tension with instagram cuz of all the art reposts. like. tons of reposts. i remember someone blocked me when i said to take something down but then unblocked me the same evening and apologized LOL so

roleplay twitter accounts (twitter was kinda not-as-a lot at the time)

nindroid!jay of course. its so old there was an update that was made in flash lmfao...

absolute fucking shitloads of AUs and headcanons. i dont think this has changed much but like. there were so many lmfao. entire threads

actually there's too many fucking AUs. im scrolling through my main blog and i cant fuckin find anything cuz ITS ALL THESE STUPID AU THREADS THEY AREN'T EVEN LIKE DEEP LMAO

ask-all-the-ninjagians

the absurd screenshot redraws i did. like they were super stupid lmfao. icr which blog they're on but they're on my comp still at least

ninjagians just. being a term used at all lmao

the ninjago fan-tournament during ns4. people would draw/write about their ocs doing whatever prompt was posted and then everyone came together to defeat a big bad snake man

tbh i started naturally losing interest during ns5, and then VERY QUICKLY dropped the show (and therefore fandom) when skybound came out lmao............... so i dont really remember a lot from this era and everything after

and now im back :D

i hope this is insightful! xD

[f1shart]

the amount of times i've drawn clowns on this blog is absurd. yes it was twice but that's twice too much

ANYWAY personality swap verona au anyone? its more of a personality inversion since i didn't swap their personalities with one another (og idea by @quejicadelapulpa)... more info ⬇️

idk why when i invert their personalities they become depressed, evil, or both but 😭 i'll go in depth on each of them

Tybalt: he was always a clown but swapbalt is quite literally a clown (he prefers jester). his personality is basically mercutio: playful, friendly, but still prim since i don't see why that would change about him i mean he's still absolutely loaded 🤑 also he loves annoying mercutio, especially since it's not like he'll get his ass whooped if he starts to throw hands (since, yk, tybalt is JACKED)

Mercutio: what i meant when i said they turn depressed when i invert their personalities 💀 swapcutio is a man of few words. he probably speaks very quietly too, only ever getting loud when he's pissed at tybalt. speaking of, he's not as hot-headed as og tybalt mostly cuz i didn't want to just swap their personas and call it a day. nah this is much funnier. i feel bad for him though i mean he's got this fucking clown constantly bothering him and there's nothing he can do about it

Romeo: he's giving pascal and i'm so sorry ab that. anyway this is where i delve more into personal hcs about personality since some of these sims weren't given much originally. i see romeo as a pretty smart kid so i didn't change that about him. i also see him as a bit immature but his wit makes up for that and that's how he's able to charm people. while swapmeo is mature, he is unfortunately quite uncharismatic so who tf knows how he pulled juliette. he's still a romance sim tho so he has his ways...

Juliette: not too much about her. i originally saw her as a little hot-headed similar to tybalt, so i decided to commit to that and make her a very mellow and chill individual. no more raging at online shooter games for her ! swapiette also wears very comfy clothes unlike juliette and dont u worry i kept her uggs. they're simply too iconic 😩

Miranda: she's basically more like her mother. this is where i was conflicted like do i swap the adults' personalities as well?? regardless, swapiranda (i need to stop) is a good christian girl 😌 as you can see she did not dye her hair in this universe and same with hermia but we'll get there. i also removed her beautiful shades SORRY but they're still there in spirit with the blue of her nails. i think swapiranda has that sweet exterior but a snakeish interior in terms of personality

Hermia: i exchanged the goth aesthetic for something more pastel and trendy for the time. you could say swapmia is a bit like og juliette in terms of personality. ooh maybe she doesn't dislike her brother in this universe! though i can see her and juliette getting tired of his smileyness. also yess swapmia's hair is her natural blonde it fits her vibe more.

Puck: last and certainly not least, evil puck 😍 the poor residents of swap veronaville cuz this kid... to me, og puck is kind, shy, dedicated to their tasks but dreadfully incompetent. you'd think he's the media's idea of a fairy- playful and mischievous, but he is surprisingly the opposite. THEN THERE'S SWAP PUCK. absolutely devious. despicable. he plays pranks and they are fucking mean pranks (not as far as battery acid in pop tho 💀 that's one of their cruel jokes. pls tybalt is not actually drinking battery acid) who KNOWS what swapmia sees in them. maybe she's evil too lmfao

anyway that's what i got. tell me why typing this drained 54% of my battery. apple is wild. maybe i'll do st but that's a hell of a lot of work

[caelyne]

on one hand, there IS a problem with people going "you're just hating on ships uwu❀" as a shoddy smokescreen for posting and justifying pedophilia, which is why a lot of people are wary about 'pro-ship' claims. but on the other hand, far too many people are jumping to the conclusion that because of the above, everyone who defends ships is a pedophile. sometimes they're genuinely just against harassing people over "cringe" ships and didn't know about the creeps abusing the term. ...and then some people make it very transparent that they actually don't give a shit about that and just want to use this confusion as an excuse to harass people for an ego trip.

yah i definitely see more of the latter than anything else. maybe i'm just not in the space of witnessing Creeps misusing the term, but I'm starting to think I should be paid a dollar everytime I gotta witness some stupid discourse over someone liking something incorrectly. and If there's anything I've grown to absolutely detest lately is other people telling artists, creatives, or anyone really, what to do or how to enjoy their interests.

its so easy to disengage from something if it makes you uncomfortable. You could block. You could mute. You could turn your computer off. I recommend the last one actually, for people who go around harassing and making other people's lives miserable or difficult. but hey I guess it is just easier to write a long ass DNI that literally no fucking person is ever going to read and blame other people for *Interacting* with your posts. I don't think people realize the absurdity of drawing appealing art and then expecting someone to not like/follow/reblog simply because your dissertation on content/themes that you dislike happens to list something that describes an interest of said individual that is interacting with you.

ill say it again, people spend way too much time thinking about shit that makes them unhappy. free yourself from the toxicity that is the cop in your mind. you dont like someone/something? take responsibility for your own damn self, grow the hell up, and take steps to disengage from stuff that makes you angry enough to HATE people over it. its so fucking ridiculous lmfao

[insufferable-homestuck]

not quite spot on cause i was bein lazy but hell yeah. mage of space real.

if you do want to get into more nitty gritty, i am: - really really forgiving. a man of second chances and hella tolerant. many friends have said im a nice dude and i think im pretty chill. - can absolutely carry a convo by finding a mutual interest or by listening to your interests. will talk to you like a bestie from day 1 (hence this dump after a single post) - despite the previous point, very much introverted. accustomed to talking online. good at DMs, hesitant but very social in voice chats, horrendous in person. - people say im funny, while hard to tell in the moment i retroactively laugh at my own posts. ranges from well thought jokes to moderate absurdity.

you kinda hit the nail on the head with space and using "creating" as your point because i effectively walked into the costco of talents and took all the free samples. (my version of jack of all trades master of none) i am constantly bouncing between art and music and video editing to make dumb memes.

need to like brush up on my classes and aspects at some point cause its been a hot second and i dont really know much abt em. would totally analyse how mage does/doesnt fit me if i knew what it meant lmfao

also was very tempted to send this non-anonymously but i like being a little cryptic creature and hiding in the shadows. this may or may not help with the classpecting, but its definitely a thing i do. not so much the cryptic part but i love lurking anonymously just to leave people guessing about who i am.

and now im thinking about how cool it would be an heir of void so im gonna go think about that n ill see u whenever i decide to lurk in your anon box again

i WANTED to make you an heir of void, but these damn definitions of the actual classpect are so different from the nice one in my head.

since both mage of space, my initial thought, and heir of void are classpects rooted in CREATION and VAGUENESS ( you piece of shit ) i give myself a nice pat on the back for getting that

"heir of nothing, heir of everything" a quote that i place in your hands since you are a TALENT COLLECTOR and CREATOR

void players, depending on class, cast void and throw things into mystery, YOU do that with people who have wronged you, you forgiving dickhead, you make the bad things fade and forgive the person where they stand

3rd trait listed can be associated with equius, our beloved HoV

your NITTY PICKY classpect houses in the Heir class and Void aspect, welcome horse boy!

[sawtual]

as someone who has run popular polls before, i understand that people can get unnecessarily hostile in the tags sometimes. THAT BEING SAID, doomed by the narrative person is absolutely ridiculous. having a full on breakdown and temper tantrum because a character lost in a poll YOU made??? hello???? and then essentially turning the competition into a "which one of my favorite characters do you like more" competition is so absurd lmfao. sorry people don't like your ugly little alien motherfucker.

LITERALLY ITS BIZARRE BEHAVIOR 😭 the fact they put their ocs in the remake of the poll. jawdrop

[biocheminpics]

I saw a blantent climate change denial post recently. Spouting the usual nonsense. I'm not going to reblog because I dont want to give science deniers a platform if I can avoid it. Also, before I start, here are a couple well-sourced breakdowns of the current state of the forced argument about the climate: [1] [2]

Let's get into it.

No sure who tf this is but this is the user in question. They decided it was appropriate to discuss things they have absolutely no understanding of.

Opening volleyball is a big skeptical red flag. "Other factors at play," as though we are asleep at the wheel when we come up with models and didn't include major factors. There are really only 2 options here for them: breathtaking arrogance or insanity. Either they think the most educated people in the world are unilaterally incompetent or they think all scientists comply with some yet-to-be properly explained conspiracy. There's no other rational explanation for this viewpoint.

See this is how you know its not going to be a good faith, science-centered argument. The good ol', "but China, India, Russia," whataboutism. As though somehow pointing out that, yeah they're all a significant problem and the fact that they're not fixing it is also a problem, absolves us of responsibility. News flash, it doesn't. And furthermore, why would one bring this up if they had genuinely thought about their position and were convinced human pollution wasn't an issue? 🤔 Curious.

Lmfao no. No it is not. It's amazing that no matter how many times it's debunked, deniers keep spewing this.

By, "manipulating data," I assume they are referring to data workup. Saying it with an inflammatory slant is just lying at that point. I could find literally nothing referring to, "filler data," so I assume this is another lie.

We are using data in the years time range to describe a process occurring over decades and you are demanding more granularity. Absurd. The climate trend that we are concerned about is happening over tens of years. Natural warming and cooling cycles should happen over centuries. That means, in the case of data from the last 2 centuries, we have anywhere from 10x to ~3650x the resolution we need to be sure of the signal. This is a baffoonish take.

Oh no. Here come the volcanoes.

The force of a volcano has literally nothing to do with climate change. They're trying to sound impressive and pad their citations but they just look like they don't knownwhat they're talking about (probably because they don't).

This is relevant adjacent. Water is a greenhouse gas released by volcanoes. But the problem isn't the volcano its that the volcano is adding to an already stressed system. Hum... if only we knew how the system got stressed. Also it's funny that the scientific establishment is untrustworthy until they have evidence they can twist to their narrative.

I have to admit, this is a weird way to say, "cherry picking data and thinking I'm better than scientists."

[kagejima]

rae !! pls you associating me with johnny gat 🤩 i’ve peaked lmfao but !!! you’ve played the new saints row right ?? i still have yet to get it O: do you like it so far?? i’m gonna get it either this weekend or next weekend i think! i hope you’re having a great day <3

ITS TRUE THOUGH 😌 the associating, not the peaking fjsnfjejfjsdjd

i sadly have not touched it since we talked about it, because i am a lazy girl 🥲🥲🥲 i might go home and play it today though bc i had a DAY 😭

i have watched the partner play a good chunk of it though and good news is it's much more absurd than the others so it will be a fun time 😂 when you do get it, you'll have to show me yours if you end up making not johnny! 😋 also im 100% getting all pink vehicles, its absolutely happening djdndncnsjjdd

[bisluthq]

I'm new but found your blog while you were on break so I'm mostly caught up on the lore.

nah bro you had to BE HERE lol the night we discussed which problematic politicians we'd fuck and someone came up with Putin and another person said they have sex dreams about Kim Jong Un (WHAT!?!?!?!) and the day some weirdo anon (idk if she's still here respect to u queen) told me her friend's house makes her wet lol and the day a girl sent a message to her department talking about the tutors but we'd been talking so much about titties that her phone/laptop/device autocorrected TUTORS to TITTIES and the day some bitch invented dick analysis where we like zoomed in on photos to analyse dick size like honestly I can continue lmfao but those were my best lol like I say that got me through a SUPER Bad Time lmfao because you can be clinically depressed but you're guaranteed to be less sad when you're zooming in on Kushner krotch because that's such a weird thing to do that like the absurdity of the whole thing makes one feel better.

We also had some epic reporting tho like we broke stories that mainstream media found out about afterwards including VIDEOS of Taylor's birthday party at the end of 2021 prior to her posting, Taylor at the CAA party prior to E! covering it, Taylor attending Bruce's funeral prior to anyone covering it (and I kept saying like focus should be on Bruce because Bruce was an absolute legend).

We had really good times lol and if you weren't there you can stay for the me vibes but you didn't really experience the insanity that was BislutHQ in its heyday.

[dungeonpuppykai]

|| Paradise Regained ||

Summary: Andy, your fiancé, doesn't like the way you look at his identical twin, Lloyd.

Pairing: Fiancé!Andy Barber | Fiancée!You.

Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) do not own Andy Barber. This story contains mature content so browse at your own discretion, please. Minors do not interact. Please DO NOT REPOST my work in any way and DO NOT USE MY IDEAS WITHOUT PERMISSION, thank you.

Warning(s): Spanking (hand and ruler), dom!Andy, possessive!Andy, dacryphilia, dumbification, babying, power imbalance, behavioral adjustment, wife kink, naive!reader, arranged marriage, age gap, humiliation, degradation.

Note: This is a spin-off situation of -> Paradise Lost <- and my coping mechanism for it because I physically cannot deal with cheating. This takes place before the actual cheating can ever start. Also, the lack of Andy Barber spanking fics is absolutely criminal. Also, I lowkey avenged him here lmfao! Ps, we will make this my 1k celebration fic, thank you so much for everything! And as always, feedback is much appreciated! 🩷

MASTERLIST

They are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

It had happened at the opening of some huge high-end mall Andy had been working on for quite some time now. Today was the day all his hard work and long meetings would pay off. He had built something from his own finances, on his own, and not his father's money. It would not be an overstatement to say that the male could not be happier; successful, still young for achievements of this sort and happily yours. 

You. 

His greatest treasure. 

A frown made its way on his handsome face when his ocean blue gaze shifted to you from the extravagant decoration lights that his father had been commenting on a minute prior. You were standing next to him as usual, humming and nodding along to something his mother was talking about. And though one of your arms remained looped around his, your eyes were elsewhere.

Somewhere he did not appreciate them being in the slightest.

Andy stiffened and his jaw clenched as his gaze slowly followed yours. The usually composed man couldn't help but let out a frustrated exhale through his flared nose when just as he had expected– known, Lloyd stood at the opposite end of the celebration area, enjoying your fancy. The younger male was surrounded by a few men but his disgusting gaze was settled on you with the most disturbing lopsided smirk spread over his cunning face.

The more Andy's twin eye fucked his future wife while dangling a champagne glass between his fingers, the angrier he got.

He had not meant for it to happen, honest. As someone who had perfected his composure with someone like Lloyd as practice, he was not supposed to give in to his rage like this. Andy was supposed to be better than this; than his brother. But he could not help himself. It had been months since you saw his twin for the first time and had immediately gotten awestruck. Your fiance hated the twinkle in your eye whenever his brother was around. The blush of your cheeks burnt his chest as he tried to ignore it every time but in vain. How your fingers tightened around his arm unconsciously, the way you bit your lip and fell out of conversation due to the diversion of attention.

All for Lloyd. 

And not him;

Your husband to be; the supposed sole owner of your fancies and blushes. 

Andy had had enough.

He finally snapped when you did not respond even after the third time he tried to steal your attention from his twin. The man sighed and set his champagne glass down on a tray one of the servers passing by him were holding. Steal your attention. He wanted to scoff at the absurdity of it. Your fiance had to fight for something that was his in the first place! 

Andy wanted to do unwise and improper things at the thought but he wasn't his brother.

"A- Ah! Ow, hon!" You gasped as your dreamy gaze tore away from Lloyd who was frowning now as he witnessed what was unfolding from his spot on the opposite side of the makeshift party space. "Dear!" You protested in confusion, taken aback by how Andy had suddenly pulled you away from your company and staring contest. He had never done anything like this before. "Hold on, dear! I'll slip because of these heels! What's wrong?!" Your heart leaped up due to the adrenaline rush his manhandling was causing, panic filling your senses as you looked around to possibly locate the cause of his apparent agitation. "What has gotten into you all of a sudden?!" 

Andy stopped in a deserted passageway, his broad back turned to you. You raised your eyebrows to prompt an explanation when he finally turned to face you. But instead of justifying his actions, your fiance only ducked in your direction to clasp his hands around your lap to pull you closer only to swing your body over one of his shoulders. You squealed and jumped when he stood back up to his full height. 

"Oh my God, Andy!" You would have giggled if it weren't for the very stern expression on his face. He was really upset about something. And he was expressing it in a very new way.

Your confused mind was yet to decide what you thought of it. 

"That is not what you call me" a loud gasp escaped you when he suddenly landed a loud and harsh eye-widening smack on your clothed ass before marching to the lift that would take you to his office. 

"Dear, I am sorry! I- I- what's happening?!" You dumbly squeaked out a panicked apology, feeling your insides heat up due to the sudden shift of power despite knowing just what the hell was going on. Andy felt so much bigger and mightier all of a sudden. You were so small and helpless in his hold as you felt your ass cheeks part due to the position you were in. "What are you-! Ah! Dear!" You complained when he landed three more smacks in quick succession. One on each cheek and the last one in the middle. 

"You don't know?" Your fiance scoffed and you gulped at his tone, embarrassed and intimidated as you hung upside down from his shoulder. The lift stopped with a ding. 

"... N- No…?" 

"Of course you don't. You are too small and stupid, aren't you hon?" Your eyes widened at his choice of words. He had never, not even jokingly, had ever behaved with you this way before. It was filling you with anticipation (for exactly what you knew not) and adrenaline. When Andy finally reached his office and placed your sore ass down -courtesy of his unexpectedly horrendous strength- on his huge work table, you felt tiny under his firm gaze. A whimper escaped you as you lowered your eyes, face hot. 

"I am sorry, dear. But I really don't u- understand…" You pouted a little, fiddling with your thumbs as you felt this kind of nervous and… small for the first time in your life. 

Andy sighed before he leaned in. "I am not surprised. I know you are just a naive little silly girl. You don't actually mean to hurt your husband, do you?" His voice was low and deep. 

Your eyes widened as you looked up at him with a quick jerk of your head. "Hurt? You? Of course not, An- hon!" You quickly corrected yourself when he raised an eyebrow in a challenging manner. 

Fuck. 

"But you still did" you tilted your head to the side dumbly, not having the slightest idea that he knew and could tell every time you were ogling over Lloyd. "I am sorry to say, dear. But you've been a very bad girl to me" your bottom lip jutted out at his words. No. This was not how you normally behaved but there was something about the way he had suddenly taken control and made you feel so small all in a matter of a couple minutes. 

You had never expected Andy of all people to be like this. 

But you couldn't lie, it excited you. 

"I am sorry, dear! I didn't mean to! I really didn't!" You assured him earnestly, reaching for one of his hands to hold in yours. "... B- But I really don't know what you are talking about…" You mumbled sheepishly, lowering your head once more when he sighed again. 

"Just the dumbest little girl, aren't you, honey? Need your husband to spell everything out for your tiny brain to understand?" You peeked up at him through your lashes with a soft pout on your face, the degrading words stinging at your hot skin. "But that's it, isn't it? Otherwise, why would you hold your fiance's hand -like you should, by the way- but stare at his brother with that stupid twinkle in your eyes" your face heated up even more and heart rate jumped up again. Oh no. You shook your head and attempted to explain yourself, afraid of all the ways this could go. But no words came out. 

Andy nodded to you gaping like a choking fish as if he had expected it. "Are you a slut then, dear?" You had never felt smaller or stupider.

You audibly gasped before shaking your head. "N- No! Of course not!"

"Do you want him instead?" You gulped down the bile in your throat as you watched his face to try and guess if he really meant it or not. But it was so hard to do that when his stature was so huge and handsome face nonchalant. Andy sighed and shook his head. "Honey, that was a rhetorical question…" You wanted to cry out from the frustration at this point. He was being so mean! 

But you felt so called out and guilty. 

"I- I am sorry, dear!" You whimpered with an apologetic pout, submitting almost instantly because you did not have a choice when he was being like this. There had always been something so soft yet stern about Andy. How he always compromised and assisted but never backed down if it was something truly disagreeable. "I- I… It has n- never happened. I- I dunno what got into me when I saw him for the f- first time… I- I do feel bad…" You helplessly confessed, caressing the top of his hand that you were holding with your thumb.

Andy hummed before nodding. You sighed in relief because that seemed to have convinced him that you didn't mean to do it. "I see." You had expected him to lash out like Lloyd did whenever something went against his liking. "So your small brain is just having trouble differentiating and distinguishing." His other hand pushed your hair away from your face. "I should have known. We look almost exactly alike, after all. Your little brain was bound to get confused." 

That… did make a little sense, actually.

"I- I am sorry for being so stupid and bad, dear…" Your eyelids fluttered at the feeling of his fingers tucking stray strands of hair behind your ear. 

"It's okay, hon. It's not your fault. You're just too much of a dumb little baby, aren't you?" You relaxed into his palm as he caressed your cheek, thumb toying with your lips. "That's why you need a husband; me. So I can help your little brain reason when it gets too silly. To remind you of where your loyalties lie." His voice was so deep and coaxing that no matter what he would have said in this moment, you would have believed it with your whole heart. 

This new side of Andy was bringing out a hidden side of you as well.

"Y- Yes, hon… N- Need you" you felt bad. Not only because of your guilt. But because he was confronting you about something so serious but all you could think about was how big he was. How he could do whatever he pleased and you would have no choice but to be his little toy– woah. 

You shook your head to rid yourself of the thoughts. 

But he was making you so excited. So warm. So…  needy. An unfamiliar vibration had started to thrum through you.

"So then will you be a good wife and take your punishment because you know you deserve it?" Punishment? You lowered your eyes and nodded still, the heavy guilt pressing hard on your chest. "Use your words, doll." Your insides twisted at the word. God. "I know it is hard for you to speak like a big girl because you're so small and silly but I need you to try for me, okay?" 

"Y- Yes, dear… I will take my punishment l- like a… good wife…" You responded with much difficulty, blushing so hard your skin's defense system started to try and cool it down. 

"That's my girl." Andy praised before he gently retreated his hand from yours and backed away. "Come here and help your husband with his coat, baby. Good wives always do their best to cooperate in punishments because they want to be on their best behavior for their husband." You shakily adjusted your dress as you winced while slipping off the table. The spanks you had received on the way here were still sore. "Do you want to be on your best behavior for your husband, doll?" 

Oh dear. 

All these pet names were adding to everything else. 

You were going to combust into fumes before whatever he was planning to do to you was through at this point. 

"I- I do… h- hubby…" Your words caused him to smile and you couldn't help but sigh to yourself in relief as you shyly helped him out of his coat. Finally!

"Good girl." Andy praised as he now placed one of his hands into yours. "Undo the cuffs" you gulped to yourself when you complied and his other hand heavily placed itself on the top of your head while you were at it, nails scratching your scalp comfortingly. "You're doing so good, honey. Making me proud already." The corners of your lips pushed outwards as you shyly rolled his sleeve up to his elbow and only then realized that his dress shirts and jackets did nothing for his body. 

Damn. 

You barely managed to pull yourself through doing his other sleeve before he praised you and ordered you to bend over the table; the order causing you to nearly choke on your own spit.

His rather condescending words added to the heat pooling between your legs. 

"Now. I am going to need you to be brave for me, okay dear?" Andy reached over from behind you to pick up a very sturdy looking wooden ruler from the side of the table where all the stationary was laying neatly. "This may be a bit scary and painful but you deserve it for being such a dumb baby. So be good and prove that you are sorry, okay?" There was a compelling effect in his tone; it was so agreeable that whatever he said seemed to be the only truth to your clouded mind.

"Y- Yes, hubby." 

"Good baby" he stroked your still covered cheeks with the ruler. "I will give you some clothed, the rest bare. Since you have been at this for months, the count is up to me and how red I like your ass. Fair enough?" 

You gulped and nodded, still getting used to the rather humiliating position. "Yes, dear." 

Andy only hummed this time around as he squeezed your cheeks one last time. And then the ruler whipped through the air and sent you screeching against the wooden table. 

"Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh my God! Oh my God!" Your ass was on fire due to the force he had used. "Oh!" You went to rub it but the man tutted and softly smacked your hands away with the tip of the ruler. 

"No touching. You deserve it" his voice had turned dark. Another smack. And then four more in quick succession. 

Okay. 

He was definitely channeling his pent up frustration through this. 

"I am sorry! I am so sorry, hubby– owwwieee~!" You couldn't help but kick a leg when he suddenly started to aim for your sit spots repeatedly, heating them up just as generously. "Oh God! Oh God!" All of this made you feel so owned that it was driving you crazy with all sorts of urges and thoughts. And when Andy placed his free hand on the small of your back to keep you in place, you just wanted to hug him as he landed more lashes. "Please! Please!" You were so sensitive that you just wanted to hug him and apologize, your antics that had led to this moment playing over and over in your guilty mind. 

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Tears streamed down your face as you nodded and audibly agreed using incoherent speech. "I felt worse each time I looked at you and you were looking at him. Staring at him hungrily like a starved little puppy while your man was right beside you struggling to get your attention, tsk. Always cutting me off to engage in conversation with him." Andy clicked his tongue as he peeled your dress up and away. "Such a dumb little slut, aren't you, doll?" Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, the first bare spank (you still had your underwear on) indicated that it was about to. 

"I am sorrryyyyy! I'll never do it againnnnn! Promise!" Your chest was heaving as you tried to move your seething ass out and away from his punishing hand but to no avail. "Please! I was stupid! I- I am sorry! Please!" Fuck. He was so good at… handling you. 

You couldn't help but like the loss of control as he rained more and more spanks on your poor ass, paying no mind to your pleas. 

There was something so arousing in Andy's sweet homeliness and how it contrasted his calm, icy anger that you were being subjected to for the very first time. Always speaking so little but saying so much. So caring yet firm when the moment called for it. Confident and calm in his authority that he exercised like a true gentleman and not a boy with too much of daddy's power on his hands. Unlike a certain someone. 

You had let your stupidity overshadow the kind of man that Andy Barber was. 

The true husband material. 

Man, how your parents always ended up being right never failed to amaze you.

Because you had found yourself thinking about how they couldn't have just paired you up with Lloyd instead. He too had seemed good in his own way.

Until…

You had all your answers now. 

After a good few minutes of roasting your ass, Andy halted the assault once his own breathing had gotten labored. "You are doing such a good job, baby doll. I am so, so proud of you." He rubbed your back and peppered kisses all over it. And though you were sobbing you couldn't help but lean into his touch. 

Such a perfect mix of firm and soft. 

Your body was losing it down there. 

"I am sorryyy~" you gurgled through your tears messily. 

"I know. I can see it. You've proven yourself." He calmed you down as he helped you breathe easier by guiding you through a short exercise and relieved the wheezing and howling with the use of gentle praise which stood at total odds with his prior actions. Though he didn't let you move just yet, Andy helped you sip a bit of water before he spoke again. 

"Now. I will be taking your underwear off for the last few lashes…  And I need my brave little baby to be honest with me and tell me if she's really okay with it. Because she doesn't have to agree to it if she doesn't want me to." Your ears perked up even in the state you were in. Finally! You sighed to yourself as you bit your lip. Maybe when he was done he would help you with the awful thumping in your pussy. 

He had to… right? 

"I- It's okay, hubby. P- Please do~" you sniffled out almost chirpily, the eagerness in your tone making him raise an eyebrow that he decided to shrug off.

"Good doll." Andy's fingers wrapped around the sheer material before he gently pulled it down. "Now, I will give you 20 and you will count them out loud. But if you mess up, I will have to start again." The way he used the ruler to caress your burning cheeks caused something to trickle down your leg. The sight made him snicker. "Such a dirty little girl you are, dear." Before you could react to his observation, you were gasping in response to the first concluding lash. 

Your leg kicked up before the base of your foot slapped the ground beneath you to cope, a shudder of both pain and arousal seeping through every cell in your body despite the distraught state that you were in.

"Baby bun?" 

"Y- Yes, dear?!" You cried out as your fingers gripped the edges of the table tightly. 

"Unless you want this to go on for the rest of the evening, I suggest you start counting." Your eyes widened as you realized that you had forgotten to count. But another hit had been packed against your flushed skin already by then. 

"T- Two!" Andy tutted.

"No, that was one." You gasped and whipped your head to face him, teary eyes wide.

"B- But! Th- This is the second one!" He smirked while caressing your sit spots with the punishing apparatus. 

"You didn't count the first one." As he raises the ruler again you hurriedly yelled.

"Fine! Fine! One!" Your fiance chuckled as he initiated the final sequence that was unforgiving and unstopping in its brutal wrath. "FIVE! SIX! SEVEN!" Andy alternated between your ass and sit spots as he commanded you to thank him after some ten spanks. "TWELVE, THANK YOU DEAR! THIRTEEN, THANK YOU MY LOVE! FOURTEEN, THANK YOU HONEY!" You were almost hysterical towards the end and were sure you would have been if it hadn't been for him calming you down before getting on with this. "TWENTY, THANK YOU SO MUCH, HUBBY!" 

Placing the horrendous ruler in its place at last, Andy gathered you in his arms at last, switching spots so now he was sitting at the edge of the table with you curled against him between his legs. He murmured sweet nothings and praises in your ears as he rubbed your back softly. 

It took you a while to calm down and apologize in a level headed way. Andy fixed your clothes as gently as he could after that, helping you sip on some more water as he dabbed your tear streams dry with a tissue. It was when he wiped at a bit of your snot did you realize just how comfortable you had always felt with him. It wasn't that you didn't like to look good for him. But it was his affectionate gaze and reassuring manner that never made you feel self conscious in front of him. You could always be your relaxed self with Andy without any fear of judgment. 

The thoughts made you reach for his beard and scratch it a little, the gesture making him smile. 

You didn't say much and just accepted his care until after you had fully stopped crying. It was after you had fixed his sleeves and cuffs before putting on his jacket for him that he took your hand in his to rejoin the party downstairs that you stopped him.

"Wait, h- hubby" you hiccuped. Andy turned to face you with a hum. "I- Erm… I…" You lowered your head sheepishly. 

"What is it, doll?" 

God. 

This name made your insides twist in the best way.

"N- Need… you…" You guided your intertwined hands to the aching spot between your legs sheepishly. A whimper escaped you when he allowed his hand to linger there for a second, even grazing it against your sensitive core before snickering. 

"You want to have our first time here?" Andy asked in disbelief and your cheeks heated up in embarrassment. You peeked up at him through your lashes while shyly biting your lip. "Baby doll," your fiance stroked your cheek with the back of his free hand before leaning down a little to face you directly. "We are civilized people who belong to a respectable society. Not some savages of instinct." His condescending guidance coupled with the dominance he was exuding in this moment pulled a whimper from you yet again. 

"S- Sorry, d- dear." You looked away from his intense gaze. "J- Just…" you shook your head. "I am sorry." 

"That's my girl." 

You rejoined the party hand-in-hand. Except, you did not look at anyone but him this time around. It was only now that you realized that while you were busy ogling over others, there was so much to observe and swoon over at what was right besides you. Yes, there was not exactly a sense of lingering danger to thrill you, but you had Andy's dark ocean blue eyes to melt for as each time he looked at you, they ignited a powerful spark of need in every single joint of your body. 

And said need Andy fulfilled that night. With you writhing on his bed under him with your hands above your head and mouth agape, his expensive penthouse mostly dark against your teary eyes. Andy grunted with each thrust he gave to your tiny pussy that his cock pushed open each time more and more each time he moved, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist as you screamed praises and thanks until you blacked out. The following morning wasn't much different.

Neither was the rest of your very happy life together.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I feel like barnabys favorite drink (alcoholic) might be a old fashioned? And non alcoholic mixed drink. Might be a Shirley temple. (Which Is my favorite non alcoholic mixed drink!)

(Of course this is all my opinion! But yea!

he Does feel like a classy guy, huh? but who's to say! Who's. To. Say...

[this-is-an-on-fire-garbage-can]

bodies bodies bodies. also im older.

i’m a different person but also the same kind of person. i still read webtoons lol. anyway i wanted to write some things about bodies bodies bodies because it’s getting complicated but i dont want to be witnessed, but also do. you know. also yes i know this movie is a hundred years in the past i dont care im talking about it

i wish bodies x3 wasn’t poisoned by lena wilson’s review - i think it deserves to be criticized and stand on its own. i also don’t really like how she reviewed it - like, they weren’t really. wearing sexualizing clothes, so to speak? 95 minutes of advertisements for cleavage feels egregious for a movie that really only has like, 5 minutes total of a pool scene

that said: onto my criticism

i think bodies x3 either needed to lean into the black comedy/absurdity more or into the satire more. i honestly sincerely think that a slasher was a great idea for a movie genre that needed an update - the high strung energy of being in a - and i know i sound like an old man - “hyperwoke” environment is very interesting, combined with - as many people have said - the kind of constant surveillance state we exist in. and the way that pushes people who might otherwise be normal assholes be like, nuanced assholes.

so, in my opinion, either it needed to poke more fun at how much we’ve pathologized ourselves. but then there’s also serious stuff, like how sophie says her friends learned she got sober and then went on with popping champagne and snorting coke. like, she has a point! even if she is the one that decides to be around them, and has bad commitment issues, and is a deeply bad girlfriend, it’s absolutely wild that nobody stopped to be like, maybe this isn’t how we should be treating our newly rehab-ed friend. and we only kind of have that language because therapyspeak is so prevalent.

but then on the other hand, there’s david, who literally accidentally slits his own throat because he’s having a stupid one-sided pissing contest with greg. that’s like... comedic. it’s hilarious that because he just cannot get over his masculinity being threatened to the point he accidentally kills himself and kicks of this paranoia fuelled nightmare. but - and i truly cannot emphasize this enough - this is also in a movie where sophie, who is terminally incapable of sincerity, sincerely makes a point about being triggered by people she’s kind of codependently attached to.

i guess maybe i think bodies x3 doesn’t decide whether it wants to be sincere or satirical - which is fine, i’m not demanding that every single movie has an easily digestible or even clear throughline to still be entertaining or good. but because it never leans into one or the other, it’s just vaguely confusing. i don’t want bodies x3 to reinvent the wheel or anything, but i also don’t want tradition.

i still really like it - in part because there’s a lot of new talent that i think would be a shame to put it down. i just think that - like do revenge - it’s very confused on how updating the movie would really change its dynamics. and, to be quite mean, i think it’s the boomerification of millenials. i think they haven’t quite figured out what gen z is about, and as a terminally online gen z, that’s a real shame.

p.s. i dont care if greg was innocent the way people keep slobbering over his existence is weird. he’s like double their age. he should’ve said no to alice lmfao the fuck

[sk3tch404]

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLA9lTFTzBoiEsLV51XJhYEfcJtfMj4bsJ

^^I think those were my main ones but Ofc there's probably ones that I missed due to missing childhood memories 😔

And YEHEHEHEA BOIII THISE 7MIN IN HEAVEN QUIZZES- istg id always get Eyeless Jack every time and if I didn't get him, I'd retake the quiz until I did 💀💀 and yeah he was my "main boyfriend" during my creepypasta phase and the funny thing is, I'm not sure if it even was because of his personality, I think it was just because he wore a BLUE mask.

Now lil funfact about me, when I was little, I was FUCKING O B S E S S E D WITH THE COLOUR BLUE. Always wanted to wear blue clothes, eat blue food, drink blue drinks (there was this one energy drink with a blue color that tasted absolutely awful, I still pestered my family members to buy it for me, even though I didn't like drinking it at all 🥲) I wanted EVERYTHING in blue—

So yeah, I held a questionable "love" for Mr.Kidney Eater lmfao. Also like, I left the CP before like, Bloody Painter and the others newer ones were made, so when I revisited it a while back I was like "who tf is this guy" and speaking of what changed after I left, I remember that EJs OG backstories was smth along the lines of "his father was a doctor, some shit happened, his father poked his eyes with like a Fireplace poker thingie and THATS why he got em black goo leaky eyes" and he was just Some Dude™ but that's also changed, I was so confused when they addressed him as a Demonic Creature like 👁👄👁 where'd my lil silly man go? (Not that I miss it THAT much but going from hahaha doctor twink with scalpel to an actual Threat™ was pretty jarring) there was also the gratification of getting The Smart One as a kid, like yeah I'm Not Like Other Girls I get the cool one, not JEFF. Oh, the Hipster/Internalised Misogyny Mindset my detested 💀

Speaking of old!Fanon, remember when they made Hoodie&Masky obsessed with cheesecake? And the reason WHY they made them obsessed with turned out to be pretty scummy actually? Big oof, big oof 💀

And OMFG THE PUBLISHED JEFF FANFIC AINT NO WAY— its honestly kinda impressive if you really think about it ngl imagine being able to sell physical copies of your fanfics without having it being just you printing out every pane in A4 format 🤔 it's just kinda unfortunate that the fanfics that DO get published are all kind of,,, crap (cough cough After cough 50 shades cough cough) like no flake on the authors (mostly) because good for them for being able to make money off smth they love doing (at least I think they do) but holy fuck what I would give if they actually published the good fanfics :,)

-Ren'py anon

YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIIIVEEEEE

that’s the first one that was on there lol

GOD I LOVED KESHA HER MUSIC WAS TOP TIER 

Lovely choices of nostalgia :D

LMFAO THAT’S A VALID REASON FOR WHY U WERE SO OBESSED WITH HIM. HOT MYSTERY MAN WITH MASK THAT IS ALSO A KILLER  😍😍😍 YUPPPPP THATS A KEEPER

And yeah no I can totally understand why you were so obsessed with blue! As kids, we literally have no idea of self identity and struggle with making a person out of ourselves. A lot of us grab ahold of one thing and try to stick with it, even when we don’t like it. I used to try so hard to be a tomboy. I hated pink, I didn’t like wearing skirts, I didn’t like makeup saying that I ‘liked being more natural’’, I wore an absurd amount of ugly male sweatshirts, T-shirts, and skinny jeans from Aeropostale, and most of all, I hated on other girls for being LITTLE GIRLS???

That got really deep oops, but yeah, most logical and relatable thing ever am I right 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂 /hj

I’ve never looked into EJ’s backstory, all I knew is that he was hot, ate kidneys, and had goo for eyes. BUT OH MY GOD WHAT. WHY ARE CREEPYPASTA PARENTS ACTUALLY MONSTERS??? Probably because 11-18 year olds were sharing and altering the stories during the early 2010′s and whatever. Anyway, A FIREPLACE POKER INTO EJ’s EYES??? THAT IS SO BRUTAL HOLY SHIT. It’s so funny how you’re all like, “Oh shit man that’s crazy. Anyway, where’s my funky little cannibal? ^^”

I hate it when people change stories to smth paranormal or demonic. Like, I have little to no issues with it, but GOD DAMN do they butcher tf out of the genre. 

Ah yes, that I”M DIFFERENT FROM OTHER GIRLS AND DON’T CARE ABOUT STUPID THINGS LIKE SELF CARE AND ESTEEM. No I could NEVER act like a decent person who doesn’t argue over every little thing 🙄🙄🙄 

Yes yes yes YES, that whole Hoody and Masky thing was actually really cruel. I thought they just really loved cheesecake just like how Toby really liked waffles. Turns out, the entire Marble Hornets fandom made fun of the figure/weight of the actor who played Masky. Saying he should, ‘lay off the cheescake’. 

That was so messed up man. I know it was early internet banter, but god damn that was just straight up brutal.

Yeah, I was shocked too. How could something THAT bad be published with STOLEN cover art? 😭 The story was shitty as all bad Wattpad fanfics are. If people actually published the good fanfics, the world would go CRAZY. 

AN X READER FANFIC THAT IS GOOD? IMPOSSIBLE! BURN THE DIFFERENT KIND OF WRITING AND REJECT IT IN THE NAME OF GENERAL SOCIETY!!!

Unfortunately, 50 shades of grey had that fame despite it’s.... interesting contents. Some people love it, most people despise it now over the years.

It is such a shame that doesn’t happen more often though. It is quite embarrassing to say you read fanfiction, but it shouldn’t be so condemned and tossed away for it’s notoriety with the bad ones that got around.

[dirt-grub]

white dads be like i am a true american with a perfect life in a perfect country i marry my wife who i degrade constantly i have children to boss them around i work until my back breaks in the capitalism factory and come home and unwind with some relaxing xenophobic war propaganda on the television with breaks every few minutes to remind me to consume. i will die poor and in pain and never truly know the children i brought into the world nor the world ive been toiling in all this time but its all worth it because Economy 

[imaginethathaikyuu]

At this point, I really don't know if you enjoy thirsty-anons or not... It's ironic and kinda amusing your interactions, but talking seriously for a moment (and hoping you don't get offended) does it bother you that anons talk to you about their thirst (about your smuts or just random)? I swear it's just for academic purposes

yeah, i really dislike getting what i call “horny asks” which are just random asks detailing what sexual things that person whats to do to a character/wants a character to do to them, that have been sent to me for literally no reason at all. those asks have zero substance, have literally no reason to be in my ask box, and are honestly the definition of absurd. it makes me like, some amount of uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough that i won’t answer them awkwardly to get some type of entertainment out of the ask - for the most part, i just really dislike getting them, because having sexually explicit conversations with strangers (who are potentially minors) is, shockingly, not something i enjoy doing.

getting feedback about the smut i write is a bit different though? i guess it depends on how vulgar or absurdly worded the ask is - as i said a few asks before this one, i don’t need to know the details of how much you enjoy the smut i wrote, and you can give good feedback without those details. and y’all can tell me how hot you think a character or fic is all day, that’s something we can agree on and isn’t necessarily nsfw. it’s just the random nsfw that i dislike, lol.

but yeah, i’ve said this a few times now and is also now in my rules! of course i’m not offended or anything, i appreciate you taking the time to ask and i hope you can all see where i’m coming from! 

[renyanchan]

TWISTED WONDERLAND HEIGHT CHARTS (STAFF + STUDENTS)

more info + full res below the cut :,)

EDIT: Hello! I’ve completely remade the height chart and its better quality and in high order! You can find the full res here. And you can find more notes about this particular height chart below!

Below you can also find the staff and individual dorms!

Any striked out text below was in reference to the original image.

sooo, i tried to combine screenshots of the original height chart i made so i can post it here, not sure if tumblr is going to absolutely destroy the quality or not (if it does, i’ll probably edit this with a link to imgur or smth, sorry if you cant read it hgfdh) 

EDIT: I’ve updated it with Malleus’s correct height! Sorry about you malleus simps thinking he was like 8 foot lmfao

anyway i’ve got a little bit to say about this since,,, this was a mess to make (also im sure someones probably done this already, but i havent seen one yet)

This was a personal project of mine and I wasn’t originally going to post it, but I felt like it would be useful to some people,, please lmk if I messed anything up or made any mistakes because I 100% did not do this perfectly.

You’re welcome to reference all you want, but please don’t reupload it anywhere without my permission since i took way too long making this ;v;(referencing it in other posts or linking to it is fine!)

It should be obvious, but these are just the official sprites from the game and I did not draw them.

THE HEIGHT CHART

(In regards to the way I measured) Grim and all the Savanaclaw boys are measured by the top of their heads, NOT by the tip of their ears/horns. The official heights don’t specify what they measured to so I decided measuring by the top of their heads like the rest of the students makes sense. These ones are pretty much the only characters I had problems calculating their height with.

However, this makes me run into a problem such as Grim looks abnormally tall/large, but that’s probably because he’s got a chunkier body type. (we love you bby,,)

All characters are lined up by their heels, with the exception of Ortho. I measured him by the bottom of his foot because he’s a robot, and I’d imagine the platform-looking bits of his feet are connected. I believe Ortho also canonically floats slightly off the ground, but I didn’t bother accounting for that since,, I’m measuring the length of his body in comparison.

The original models are not perfectly accurate height-wise to each other, so I had to resize them. Proportions also may look slightly off because of that.

Heights are not pixel perfect, and may be slightly off.

Malleus has the tallest listed height (202cm) and that includes his horns. As such, Malleus is 193cm without his horns. Of course, proportions aren’t perfect so he looks a bit off.

INDIVIDUAL DORMS + STAFF

FULL RES: Heartslabyul / Savanaclaw / Octavinelle / Scarabia / Pomefiore / Ignihyde / Diasomnia / Staff

MY THOUGHTS

Dear lord why do you have to be wearing a hat rook

malleus is (no longer) absolutely massive

azul is so tiny??? (in comparison to the tweels at least lmfao, silver is also pretty small too but with malleus next to him ig thats not surprising)

this took way too long to make because i ended up realizing i calculated every single character’s heights incorrectly and made them significantly shorter than i meant so I had to go back and resize everyone lmfao (the heights should be correct now tho!!)

POST-EDITS (Theres going to be a lot of these,,)

There’s a typo on Silver’s height. It say’s 5′2, but he’s actually 5′9 jgfd

Malleus’s height actually includes his horns,, according to the official guidebook, malleus is 193cm without his horns. He’s pretty much the exact same height as Jack. (thanks to @/pocasu for letting me know ^^) (to be completely honest i thought it was extremely absurd that he was 6′7 without his horns but i had no frame of reference fghdgf) (EDIT: i’ve fixed his height!! For reference, Malleus is 202cm including his horns!)

Completely updated and remade the height chart! She’s pretty now haha. Thanks for the overwhelming support on this, it was fun to make and I appreciate those pointing out any mistakes i made!