#and most ppl don't really get it if you say none of those really fit

[cistematicchaos]

you saying you were genderfuck reminded me of my genderfuck dyke flag so. dyke genderfuckery be upon ye https://www.tumblr.com/mogai-sunflowers/710624223834587137/genderfuck-dyke-flag?source=share

(i do plan on making a less eyestrainy version of that one is too tough)

oh my g-d??? I love this! I've never seen a genderfuck flag before, much less a dyke genderfuck flag, this' so cool! Thank you for sharing it!

[thatdeadaquarius]

That language SAGAU but the Reader can only communicate writing on paper.

Either the Reader is mute and they (characters) don't know/understand sign language or they somehow lost their voices on their transmigration to Teyvat and can only write now. But the characters are left trying to decipher what the Reader wrote.

Examples:

Kaeya: "I may say, that was very unexpected your grace. One such as yourself should be more aware of who you are."

Reader: "wat, y u sayin dat?"

×

Gorou: "Oh, your grace! Careful now. I am most certain that you stepped on something unsightly right now. Let me clean your feet, your grace."

Reader: "r u srs rn? Fml"

Ooooo, this is nice, this is niiccceeee /ref

this would be the energy⬇️

Man I love this show, I gotta finish it (it’s Komi Can’t Communicate for those who want to see it) where she basically is too shy/introverted to speak (non-verbal neurospicy it seems like to me actually lol) and really wants to make friends and do normal things despite not speaking, her main way of communicating is writing (and her first guy friend who can just read her facial/body language really well lmao)!!

☆

Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them)

Planet: Headcanons-ish?

Stars: dashes/mention of most characters

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Reader/”you” are mute/lost their voice, & Trigger Warnings: None Known.

☆

This kinda falls into that post I made abt texting lingo, abt us being nigh incomprehensible when using texting lang. (its basically a code lol)

but i think it’s always neat to see nonverbal rep so here we are (also i think imma go ahead and say it is both selectively mute but also enforced by video game laws!)

u know a good explanation would be for this is actually abt how we technically are only allowed to freely communicate when we’re in chats,

so I could see that still being the only way we can commnicate in Teyvat (look am i little excited abt taking “video game world” a little too literally in every genshin AU ever- maybe.)

tbh i could see so many allogenes having to either learn to make room for you in convos and u also having to get wayyy more expressive in body language/facial expressions

tbh i think itd be pretty easy to get ur meaning, like in a battle or smth fast-paced where u couldnt write, like how Tinker Bell can?

if u dont know what i mean just search “tinkerbell scenes peter pan” on youtube and u can see ppl just having a full conversation with no words with her, which i think would deffo happen with ppl like Kaeya, Lisa, Lumine, Venti, Heizou, Ayato, Yae Miko, Thoma, Beidou and Itto surprisingly i could see it (ppl in the distance just think theyre all talking to themselves sometimes when ur not as visible hehe)

OMG they get u nice gifts for writing all the time, like the newest compact pens from Fontaine, the finest small, medium, and large notebooks from Inazuma,

like a little compact pocketbook so u can easily fit it in pockets!

u know Im absolutely sure you could literally start the texting appreviation trend in Tevyat like this-

like just so it’s easier to communicate with you, a lot of people are willing to adapt/take on abbreviations like “ttyl, gtg, wth, lol, lmao” even stuff like “etc”

lol u start a whole trend in the writing letters business, hehe silly medieval Teyvat is silly and medieval

yknow I think the quieter vision users would definitely find you to be peaceful to be around and easy to understand just with writing (also deffo most likely to adore the soft moments together of just ur pen scribbling and the sounds of nature or a cafe or something around them),

tbh i also think these ppl would be motivated to talk to you alone, or get you away to just talk the two of you for all the reasons above, like Xiao, Aether, Kazuha, Ayaka, Chongyun, Zhongli, Diluc, Sayu, Ei, Sucrose, Eula, Ganyu, Ningguang, Tighnari, Alhaitham omg he might literally be able to take his headphones off around u bc youd be in such quiet spaces all the time, and bc u dont talk he doesn’t have to worry abt u getting loud either lmao

…and then ofc, there’s the bitches that try and guess what ur writing ahead of timeeee 😭

bein all like, “Uh… you.. would like.. to go to… a restaurant… to get some- OH OH I got this one this time! Some pita pockets! …Oh. A drink. Right. Sorry, again.”

definitely Itto, Cyno, Heizou, Xingqiu, Fischl, Amber, Collei, Dehya, Wanderer, Childe, Venti, Keqing (she just used to being fast ok), Kaveh lmao

☆

I hope my reply was a little fun!! THANK U FOR SENDING THIS I LOVE THIS SM!! Man it’s so hard to make you feel my appreciation for this idea thru the damn screen

like how do i send a virtual hug

ANYWAY, if you or anybody else had an idea for celebrating 1000 followers lmk bc i am STRUGGLING with this same issue for that,

like how to make u guys feel my love 😩 ❤️‍🔥

☆

Safe travels ignihideous,

💀♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonderss / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi

[oshygoshy]

what instruments hq characters would play in a regular concert band setting (coming from an unbiased! fair! reasonable! flute player)

word count - 1,728 words

warnings - none besides band kid energy :( also no proofread

a/n - in honor of marching season starting again. thank god i'm never doing that again, but hopefully i can nail my upcoming audition!! i am NOT open to discussion and critiques btw my word is absolute law. (lol just jokes and if you have any suggestions to add pls let me know i will happily add them in)

picc/flute - usually the best behaved kids (force of habit bc they sit next to the conductor so they have to be on their best behavior). for the most part pretty nice, but they definitely are the biggest gossipers...WILL talk abt anything and everything. from the weather to the crazy ex that your stand partner blocked but can't shut up abt. there's always someone in the section who just has everything in their bag - gum (which we can't even chew in band??), hand sanitizer, vaseline, aquaphor, lotion, etc. definitely the most blind and deaf group bc of how out of tune we always are, and how many ledger lines are in the music. usually chill for the most part, but there's always That One Player that is way to snotty and stuck up abt band like bro chill out u don't need to be so competitive. chaotic good. 

SUGA and is able to talk some mad shit and is highkey deaf (same) but is a wonderful role model for the younger section members. SUNAAA this mf is always on his phone in rehearsal and gets in trouble for it,  shirabu💀💀 takes chair auditions way too seriously and side eyes his stand partner too much 

clarinet - section that has the most amount of stereotypical "band kids" but honestly pretty nice. most of them are hard workers and studious? competition is pretty tough in such a huge section so they are kinda tryhards. not too introverted but not like super loud or anything. a really "in the middle" section i would say, and def one of the most diverse sections bc it has so many members in it. firsts definitely are  always on their a game in terms of music and academics, but the further back u go in rows, the more chatty and chaotic they get. neutral good. 

tsukki and yams omfg..tsukki is def clarinet 1 and yams clarinet 2 (but grinding so he can sit next to tsukki next year), maddog (ok doesn't really fit at all but i think it's hilarious imaging him as clarinet), yahaba (which does fit), kunimi, futakuchi (and those 4 whisper so much in the back), aran BUT i feel like he plays sax for jazz and prefers sax more, would play sax in concert too but competition is STIFF so just plays clarinet, kenma and he's in the back and super unassuming, always on his phone playing a game in between reps, komori and he's first clarinet and is perfect and the conductor loves him 

double reeds (bassoon, oboe, eng horn, i'm putting bari clarinet in here except i don't think it's technically a double reed) - SOOO KIND AND STUDIOUS AND PRETTY. everyone wants to be them or their friend. i've literally never had a band interaction with anyone from the double reed section. always appreciate any gossip, and since they're friends with so many ppl, they kinda know everyone's business but they keep it to themselves. also highkey cracked at their instruments for no reason like there is not that much competition in a regular band, they're just sexy like that. lawful good. 

asahi (bari clari) (also always underestimates how much air it takes to play contra and hates it), YACCHI (oboe), kiyoko (bassoon, sits next to yacchi and they're constantly exchanging gossip with each other in between reps), akaashi (bassoon, literally in the center of band and everyone can look at him and get a crush) 

saxes (soprano [does anyone even like playing the metal clarinet let's be fr], alto, tenor, bari) - ok if you're good at the sax you're INSANELY. GOOD. it's so competitive bc there's so few spots in a concert band setting so if you want to get a high chair placement u gotta grind ur ass off. definitely some of the biggest try hards in the band, even moreso than the clarinets, and also academically they're like always in all advanced classes and shit for no reason. lowkey kind of cocky and full of themselves but u kinda let it slide bc they're so insanely good it's kinda warranted yk? pretty introverted and keep to themselves, but never exclude anyone. lowkey has the most rizz out of all the sections, but they don't try to be charismatic they just kinda are and everyone kinda hates them for it. lawful neutral. 

kuroo...he gives such alto vibes sorry for the slander. i feel like yaku too bc they're constantly competing with each other? maybe bari? lol the instrument is like as big as him. kai is the chill tenor in between them that try's to break up verbal fights before the conductor notices, DAISHOU him and kuroo has been competing for first chair since 5th grade

trumpet - convinced they're the main character (they have repeating staccato 8th notes) like PLS lower ur volume. kinda cocky but this time it isn't warranted bc they're not as good as the saxes. firsts are CONSTANTLY trying to see who can go higher during warmups and it pisses everyone else off but we all reluctantly tolerate their presence...bc when they DO have the melody they kinda slay (albeit a bit sharp). pretty extroverted and nice with such enjoyable energy like u kinda can't help but become friends with at least some of them. when the rest of the concert band first saw the jazz band play, everyone kind of got a small crush on the lead trumpet player bc he was that good (hahah not me nooo never aha). neutral chaotic. 

hinata...except this time he is the main character. inuoka, miya atsumu, oikawa!! technically he should be in the next section with kags, but oikawa fits trump jazz lead too much (also never made all state...sorry not sorry), mattsun and hanamaki and they're the biggest chatters (the conductor hates them), BOKUTO he's so loud but we all love him, hoshiumi

french horn - the It Girl of the band. horn is one of if not the hardest wind instruments to learn. a sharp learning curve fs, but a good horn player is GOOD. insanely freaking good. and also critical in any concert setting and has such a beautiful sound when played correctly. when not played well though...since there's so few horns already in a band, it's really hard to let others in ur section carry you. so if you're not good...everyone can kinda tell. thing is, saxophone is different bc there's so few chairs, but it's at least an easy instrument to play (hard to get good at tho) but horn is just hard period. get grinding or face the embarrassment. tbh kinda secluded, really only talked amongst themselves and the saxes bc they had similar parts and sat next to each other. i never once interacted with a horn player. neutral good.

kageyama (except he's good duh), sakusa (also very good), hirugami (he never looks happy whenever he gets solos tho and nobody knows why..?)

trombone - oh dear...ok i lied THEYRE the most band kid-ish of all the band kids, not the clarinets. pretty nice and funny, loud and never shut up like the trumpets and they get away with it bc they sit in the last row. not bad people at all, they just kinda act like ur younger siblings sometimes, not like kids in ur age range. not as charming as the trumpets, but instead have this childlike innocence to them so u just wanna pinch their cheeks or something. pitch is a huge issue, and anything rhythmically harder than like a couple 16ths and they can't tongue it clearly, but u applaud them for trying. chaotic chaotic. 

koganegawa, TANAKA AND NOYA AS STAND PARTNERS OMG they're constantly disturbing the rehearsals bc they laugh too loud, yamamoto, lev 

euph/tuba - technically 2 different instruments i know, but i'm running out of ideas and combined their section total is like 5 ok cut me some slack. actually so sweet and nice, they have no enemies like the double reeds, but this time they're like isolated in the back row :( so they kinda only talk with each other and sometimes the trombones. even tho they also sit in the back the most they do is whisper quietly amongst themselves, WHEN THE CONDUCTOR ISNT TALKING TO THEM. bless their hearts. theyre always in the background of every piece, and a regular audience member doesn't really notice them, but anyone who plays an instrument knows they're the most important part of the band. always the root of the chord, almost always keep the pulse with quarter or eighths, everyone tunes to the tuba. classic, standard, we love them. i fear one day they're going to absolutely snap and go crazy tho bc at the end of the day, they're still a brass player sitting all the way in the back, which is a lawless land. lawful chaotic. 

daichi, ushijima, kita, aone (it's just the unassuming defensive players lol), miya osamu!! always ready to fight his brother right before a concert

percussion - what...goes on back there? nobody's quite sure, except for them and the occasional trombone player sitting in front of them. they're constantly running around trying to get to their instruments in time, and they always make it somehow. always the tightest sections rhythmically, i swear they can sight read anything perfectly and have it performance ready by the 2nd day. friendly with everyone else, but they're lowkey like a cult bc they spend so much time together with drumline camp, band camp, etc. by far the crowd favorite during parades, pep rallies, etc. but they never let it go to their heads. always have matching section shirts and hats and whatnot on dress up days and it's so cute, but their hats are always crazy like giant squid plushies and ikea bucket hats and whatnot. neutral chaotic everyoje loves them for it.

tendou (he has the squid hat) (also nobody believes him when he says he doesn't know how to read rhythms but it's true, he highkey doesn't know how to subdivide and guesses everything but is always pretty accurate), iwa (he goes shirtless in band camp and everyone is audibly drooling), semi (on drumkit for jazz but also does concert to keep his rhythms sharp), ofc jack of all trades, master of none konoha since u have to play so many different instruments

[bra1nw0rmz]

Hello!! A question for you, not in a offensive light at all but I wanna ask why you like pavlevi so much and how come it doesn't make you uncomfortable with the age gap? We don't know pavs age which is fair enough but.. You get my point! I still love em tho. Maybe I'm a bit conflicted

I’m so sorry but you made a fatal mistake of giving me an opportunity to yap about them ( but thank you for being very nice abt the question, it means a lot :3 )

Slight rant under more… tried my hardest to keep it short but I have so much to say abt these fuckass losers 😔

For the reasons why I like Pavlevi so much. It’s because they are my two favourite characters, I need to psychoanalyse them and make them trauma bond or I’ll DIE.

Levi has the solitary soul, he’s been alone for most of his life. What he seriously needs is connection. And I think most of the cast just can’t fundamentally understand him. (I’m not sure if I’m being biased and self projecting here because of my experiences being autistic but yeah 😭) And I genuinely think most of that cast would look at Levi with pity. Almost as if he can’t think for himself. And I think Levi hates it. It’s really a hard feeling to pin down, but it feels weirdly dehumanising?? Like say Karin or smth would mean well but it still feels like you’re being hang up to dry? And I think Levi fucking hates it when everyone is looking at him like that. And the pity ppl have for him comes from a place of being so disconnected from him. Most of them can’t really understand him or what he’s gone through I suppose?? It’s not their faults, it’s just how it is. Society has literally thrown him to wolves. His government striped him of his autonomy, has used him for it’s benefit and now it’s people look at him like this couldn’t have been avoided, that it’s something so sad, to be pitied. Which is also why I love pavlevi bc Pav is the only person that Levi can truely connect with. Someone else who’s gone through the same bullshit, torn apart by the same world. They are both cut from the same stone, just at different stages and coping in different ways which I think is interesting. And it’s so sad because why the hell does it have to be some Bremen fuck that actually treats him like a person and not just something to pity.

As for Pav’s side of the coin. I just really like to torture him. Due to what he’s gone through and seen, being in the army around the same age as Levi, if not younger. I feel like he’d see Levi as being fit to make his own damn decisions. It’s none of Pav’s business, Levi can do whatever and he honestly does not give a shit. But as they get closer I feel like I think Levi brings out all the guilt and shame Pav bottled up and pushed far down in his psyche. Like… he’s had to kill so many just like Levi, all to even get a chance at killing Kaiser. All of it being a glorified elaborate destructive suicide mission. And he’s very fucked up about it. Dread sets in for Pav because??? He’s a terrible person??? He’s had to wear this mask for so long, he doesn’t even know who he really is. Levi is just troubled and has been put in one unfair situation after another. Pav couldn’t move forward and purposely put himself in those situations and did those fucked up things. I also think it’s interesting to think of them as like an intimacy of convenience. Bc they both know they have no future and might die at any second, but it’s better to hold someone’s hand than be alone when you die.

Other tidbits!!

They are fucking funny, like c’mon getting bossed around by the enemy, and a LIEUTENANT on top of that, is fucking hilarious

I feel like you got this from the rant b4 but the Angst potential is crazyyyyy

Pav teasing Levi and making him all flustered, HELLOO??? I love blushy levi

Pav traversing caring for someone else that isn’t himself bc he’s fundamentally a self serving person gggghhh

IFUCKING LOVE DOOMED RELATIONSHIPS RAHHHHHHHHHHH

The way their heavily different personalities clash would be fun

Having someone there who's gone through what you've suffered through is so comforting. you're not alone anymore….. IM SICK IN THE HEAD

I think Levi should be allowed to kiss boys as a treat

I also think he should be allowed to shoot Pav in the head as a treat

As for the age gap.. I don’t like it at all ofc. 😭😭 It’s definitely not ideal. And I can 100% understand how that can be a deal breaker….. but I also feel like people baby Levi too much? He has 1 breakdown because he just got back from war, is going through heroin withdrawals, everyone in his home town has been turned into violent monsters, he’s hearing voices and someone just tried to kill him and he gets labeled a wimp. You put a guy in the worst situation ever and he cries ONCE and ppl call him a crybaby and infantilise him 💀 He’s stronger than people give him credit for… but that’s more of a problem with fandom than anything.

Also like… I tried….. I really tried to not like pavlevi….. But I’m way too fucking autistic abt them. It’s so bad that when I see them I get an adrenaline rush and do laps around my kitchen. I’m so serious. These guys are like pseudo drugs to me, I need to chop my head off.

And ofc I wouldn’t support 18 and 30 smth irl, that’s fucking gross……… And I would say the same for a stalker and her victim.. because look, I love S4marina, but it’s basically in the same boat as Pavlevi to me..

This being a fandom that should primarily be adults, I feel like ppl should understand that. Yk, having better common sense and media literacy to understand this stuff ain’t okay irl. I still realise it’s not everyone’s thing and I’m not trying to convince ppl to like it, just explain why I like it (NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THEM LIKE I DO, I NEED TO DIE)…. Anyway uuhm I understand it makes some ppl uncomfy, which is valid! Just don’t go into spaces where you’ll be exposed to it ig??? If you seriously don’t like it, the block button/blocking tags is right there. I do that too !!

[aspd-culture]

So what would you say is crucial to aspd if the textbook criteria (usually based in ableism) isn’t always adequate? Because a lot of my issues stemmed out of pure, unadulterated rage that I (not inaccurately) attributed to developing bpd + npd as a kid and as we all know, those disorders can be intense on their own. I’m asking not out of “prove you have aspd if you don’t meet violent requirements” (idk people are weird and bad faith), but more so like seeing these anons who don’t fit the textbook criteria having realizations. I happen to be alongside the more violent urges and have been since I was a kid but I always attributed those things, again, to budding bpd and npd and autism dysregulation

I've discussed this at length in various posts throughout this blog, but pretty much every criteria of ASPD can be taken in much less literal ways than many professionals account for when evaluating for ASPD.

Aggression is a criteria, but you can be aggressive without being violent. The criteria mentions breaking social codes as a form of rule breaking/disrespect for authority, but many professionals only ask about law breaking and/or only violent crimes. Disrespecting authority doesn't always mean not listening to what they tell you (that particular explanation should be easy to find by searching baboon on my blog - I'll leave you to search for the post to find out why). You can manipulate without causing harm to other people. Lying is not always pathological and/or detrimental to anyone's life - sometimes it's as simple as BSing strangers when they ask you where you work and for some reason something in you begs you to say something blatantly untrue just to see if you can get away with it. Doing hard drvgs comes with significantly more risk to your life, liberty, and pursuit of convenience than just burning some leaves (whichever leaves are legal in your area) and/or drinking, so many of us just stick to that because why bother with the other stuff when there are so many reasons not to? Breaking my own stuff? Totally legal if a lil scary for ppl around me. Breaking other people's stuff loses me access to those people, that stuff, and possibly my own freedom, so why wouldn't I make sure if something's gonna be broken, it belongs to me?

All of these are "atypical" presentations of ASPD criteria, and yet I've found that the vast majority of pwASPD actually present "atypically" because we don't actually want to spend our lives dealing with the excess effort required to be intentionally malicious.

Something I think is seriously missing from the conversation about ASPD (traits not criteria) is the tendency it gives you to view everything you do in life from a matter of being as convenient and efficient as possible and going out of my way to be violent is gonna put me in jail which is massively inconvenient and therefore big lame to my ASPD brain.

I mean, think about it this way, why would someone with a disorder that hates boredom, can't stand authority, and has trouble with rules *willingly* put themselves into a box with bars, guards everywhere that control your life, and a strict routine you have to follow to get out of the box faster? All of that sounds like the last thing I want in life, so of course I use my limited effort to follow the law. The law is far less restrictive than the punishment for breaking it, and life is easier when I'm kind to people (and I can get what I want faster that way).

Overall, in many ways I think ASPD criteria misses the fact that most pwASPD are very aware of what the consequences to not following the rules of the game we call "civilized society" are, and know which of those rules we can break (mostly social code as opposed to legal code) without ending up dealing with more bs than when we started.

The current criteria acts like we have no forethought, and it just uses a really naïve, prosocial way of thinking about ASPD imo.

And none of this is meant to invalidate those with the "typical" presentation of these symptoms! I'm sorry if it comes off that way, because those are totally valid presentations as well. It's just frustrating bc a whole section of the community thinks that bc I prioritize avoiding behaviors that make life harder for me (would I be violent in a world that didn't consider that behind bar worthy? Yeah, of course I would), that somehow invalidates my diagnosis.

In short, I agree with many of (almost all of) the core concepts of the criteria but not the extremely literal and narrow ways that criteria is boxed into by some professionals and p much all elitists. The worst part is the actual wording of the DSM-V isn't so restrictive and does make space for non-violent and law abiding pwASPD, and some professionals ignore that fact and project their opinions of ASPD onto the criteria they use to diagnose.

[julien5-malfunction]

24012024

Kinda venting since Reddit is down ???

CW[ Trans stuff and kinda se*ual harrasment, I suppose]

I wanted to post this in the FTM subreddit but idk why whole Reddit seems to be down atm???

So I get like 30+ incels adding me on snapchat for the past week or two, and most of them just whine for pics or nudes. This one specific guy actually talked to me for a bit so I didn't dispose him right away. So I crack jokes at him for about three days and I think I told him that, imo, he was boring bc he just talked about how much he wanted to showe his dick into every possible hole of mine. And I tolerated this and proceeded to crack random shit at him, now he is like

'I'm boring so no boobs right?'

I awnsered 'I don't send those kind of pictures to anybody'.

-'bye then.

-'lol' then I deleted him.

Like why and when did snapchat turn into this pussy hunting game, where I'm like the unwanted prey, bc I'm not willing to send even regual pictures of my face to pussy hungry men like that. What the fuck, seriously.

The just the amount of convos that go like; they ask me, age? location? pic? And I awnser those. The convo ends when I say I'm a fucking tranny or that I don't do pics, is just way too high to find this incel carousel entertaining anymore.

Neveg mind the few times people send pics of dicks without asking if I give a shit about that OR EVEN ASKING MY AGE FIRST. Like, I could have been under age!!! wtf!!!

And this ONE discusting shit, sent me videos of his junk and proceeded to VIDEO CALL ME MULTIPLE TIMES IN A ROW, I told him not to do that, and when asked what his problem was, he just replied 'sex' to everything. Reported him. Not cool.

At least some just go 'ok' and ghost you after telling them they ain't getting any fun out of you or they ask if you wanna see their junk, before they just shove it into your face. Like thanks for being even that much considerate.

But for real, I feel targetted on snapchat.

Another completely different, but kind of related source of anxiety for me now, is that the another care company wants me to take part in their group things or hang out on their little HQ, and I'm not comfortable around cis-boys. I'm more comfortable being in a group with queer ppl or girls, since none of those have treated me like a sex object or tried to do things to me.

Girls usually don't give a shit about me or I think some might talk shit about me bc I'm not pretty or skinny and I dress a little weird. Queer peple are usually neutal, some even talk to me a little.

But boys... see me as a girl or an object, no matter what. This might be cause I was always put in the same box with the girls in school and most of all people I had in my life, have been women. I guess I just see them as a scary, diffirent breed now, bc the few male people I did know, treated me that way.

I just feel like I'll never fit anywhere. I hate my body. I hate that I'm so tired all the time. I hate that I cannot change things that cause me pain and the people who could do that, won't. I wish I was in a diffirent body, some one else, like a bimbo girl bc that's ehat people want, right. Or just plain dead.

I just want to be alone but sometimes it just really sucks but when I'm given a chance to be around people I remember why I can't stand being around others.

[mostlikelytofangirl]

Why do many people in this fandom think that jc and wwx do not care about each other since the beginning when it has been constantly been made clear again and again about how those two care about each other ?

Some of them even have the galls to say that jc was evil and malicious since he was a kid.

I am new to this fandom and I am really confused by their approach of hating on jc and hating on people who like him . Btw , you have a great blog .

Hi there! Thanks, I'm glad you like whatever this is :'D

Oh man, yeah, I know that feeling. It was very weird to me too when I was new to discover how much of a controversial topic this was, especially since I considered their relationship one of the most fascinating, complex and engaging dynamics of the story. Yunmeng bros storyline is tbh one of the greatest tragedies of mdzs.

Well, as I replied to a previous ask, I think the main problem with this fandom is that it is too Western YA mentalized. They see this story in terms of black & white where the protagonist/hero and all those aligned with them are incapable of doing wrong and, therefore, anyone who disagrees with them is a Bad Guy and their arguments are automatically invalid, the protag's way is the only way.

I think this current trend of hypersanitizing media and "antis" also play their role: if someone is "toxic" they are a Bad Human Person, always were and always will be. These ppl can't imagine a reality in which someone you loved and who loved you back could ever turn against you without having them be monsters all along. They need to justify their high horse, make themselves feel morally superior by making clear distinctions of who is Good and who is Bad, and those who fit each category cannot, ever, change.

In WWX and JC's case specifically, I'd say it's just a matter of numbers tbh. I know for a fact that there are ppl who hate WWX and claim JC did nothing wrong too. It just so happened that, well, WWX is the protagonist and we see the story through his pov, so his fanbase is naturally bigger. Not to mention his story arc is perharps the only one with a happy ending, while JC's is left open, to say the least. So narratively speaking, and considering the standards we are used to in the West, the ones to get closure are Good Guys, those who didn't cannot be Good Guys.

With all this in mind, I suppose it's easy for JC haters to see canon and all the explicitly stated dynamics of love and companionship WWX and JC shared, and just... act like those weren't there. Like they meant something else. Like WWX (the hero) was right and good all along, but JC (the bad guy) couldn't have been a loving brother once, no, that's not how it works: if you are bad, you are bad, whatever goodness you could have had was retroactively nullified by This Bad Thing you did. You are a bad guy, bad guys don't do good things ever, not even as kids.

And all of this without taking into account the societal convetions of the time period and how WWX was not an official part of the Jiang family, he was never adopted, he was the first disciple and, if anything, he got preferencial treatment that blurred and complicated the family dynamics (by no fault of his own, mind you, none of the three kids are to blame here). He is not exactly a servant, but he is not a relative either; the fact that JC treats him as a brother is already outside the norm... but bc it becomes the norm for them, ppl may look at JC (the Jiang family and society in general) pulling the rank card and get outraged: See? That's proof that JC never saw WWX as an equal and never cared for him! Yes, bc they are not equals. Yet they treated each other like they were. In fact, it's canonically stated that WWX think of himself as a servant and it's JC the one who says that he is not to be compared to a servant.

It's all a big mess that definitely doesn't help the case of seeing WWX and JC's dynamics in a fully objective way, and tbh I don't think it's meant to. It's supposed to stir emotions and HURT. But with so much nuance and so many conflictive feelings and circumstances between them, sometimes the mental and emotional labor to fully appreciate it is too much for ppl used to media giving them the product already disected and ready for consumption. Thus we have a big portion of the fandom that simply reduces these two to The Hero and The Evil Brother.

And that imo is even a greater tragedy.

EDIT: I just remembered of this twitter thread that explains much better how Westerns would see these two and the archetypes they represent, and why it impacts fans’ perception of them.

[banana-boots]

incase you felt you needed it, you have full permission to use the idea of a Deity!Captain :D - 💫

fjshbdkd thank you i could not get the idea out of my head so i ended up writing something that was uhh... 800+ words long 🙈

the ao3 link is here or the fic is below the cut for ppl who dont use ao3 <3

The End of a Journey

At first, Mark was a little confused when he receives the message about the new captain. The previous one had been doing good, hadn't they? Either way, he was curious to see what the new captain was like.

When the new captain arrives, Mark is… entranced. That's the only word for it. Their entire body is covered by a spacesuit, helmet and all, but there's just something about them that means he just can't look away. Mark can't describe it but he knows the other crewmates feel it too. He's noticed the way they always find a reason to linger in the captain's presence.

They shrug and carefully remove the helmet. When Mark sees them, he freezes (it wouldn't be the first time their presence had done that to him). They're attractive. Ridiculously so. And it's clear that Celci and Gunther feel the same. But is less bothered, having already gone back to reading whatever book he had this time. When the captain notices all of the attention on them they blush and excuse themself from the room, putting their helmet back on as they did so.

One day, at a meeting, Celci and Gunther ask the captain why they always wear their spacesuit helmet. They say that they're not entirely sure.

"Why don't you take it off, Captain? I bet it'd be more comfortable." Gunther tells them. Mark suspects he and Celci had been planning this.

That evening, Mark finds himself sitting around a table in the cafeteria with Celci, Burt and Gunther. Most of the other crewmates have gone to bed for the night (other than those working the night shift) and the four of them are sipping on coffee for a lack of much else to drink. It's as they sit there, talking about nothing in particular, that conversation turns to the captain's appearance.

Mark just watches on, slightly confused. The captain had long curly hair, didn't they? A though crosses Mark's mind. It's a silly thought, of course it's not possible. But, for some strange reason, he decides to say it out loud anyway.

"I wonder if they would let me braid their hair?" Gunther wondered.

"It would be highly impractical to braid such short hair." Burt tells him.

"I wouldn't call their hair short, I could definitely braid it."

"No way." Celci cuts in. "Their hair was way too short, you would hurt them if you tried to braid it."

Mark has several theories. All of which are, quite frankly, terrible. Siren, shapeshifter, faery… None of the seem to fit quite right. It's not as though he can ask them. So he pushes the thought aside.

"What if each of us saw something different?"

"Sorry?" The other three turn to him, varying amounts of confusion displayed on their faces. "What do you mean we all saw something different? That doesn't make any sense." Celci tells him as though he's out of his mind. Which, frankly, he might be.

"Think about it. How can their hair be both long and short, it can't. Not unless we're seeing something completely different. And I'm betting you guys didn't see their brown eyes either."

There is a moment of silence as the trio think back, then, one by one, they all shake their heads.

Thoughts have a terrible habit of sticking around, though. And so, it's as the Invincible floats in orbit of the planet that will become the new colony, Mark corners the captain. They're in the small "living room" that the senior crew members share (it's more of a glorified staff room, really).

"Hey, Captain? Could I have a word?" Mark asks.

They're a little surprised that he's here and not overseeing everything at such a busy time but they agree with a nod of their head.

"I've, uh, been noticing things about you that are a little… off. You never eat or sleep, Captain. And the only time you took off your helmet, everyone saw something different under there. What's going on?"

"Ah… I figured someone might notice. I didn't expect it to be you, if I'm honest."

The glow surrounding the captain grows overwhelmingly bright. When it subsides, they're gone. Mark is alone. He daren't dwell on the captain's disappearance, though. He had a colony to settle. And a new journey to embark on.

It could be Mark's imagination but they almost appear to be bathed in pale blue light. "I'm a deity. The God of Safe Travels. I've been watching you and your ship. And the journey you've been on. The care you put into this ship is rare, I had to see it for myself. And I'm glad to have helped you to your destination." The glow surrounding them grows brighter. Mark is certain he's not imagining it.

"What are you doing?" He steps forwards without realising, his voice laced with confusion.

"This journey has come to an end. You don't need me anymore. You don't need a captain. But a new journey is beginning. One that you get to lead." They place a hand on his cheek, he doesn't even realise that there are tears rolling down his face. "You will do well, Mark. I'm sure of it. I wish you safe travels in this next chapter of your life."

[naturalbornkillass]

delayed post from 07/10/22 - A weird week: still depressed // might need to get the “hottest girl in rehab” sweatshirt. // modern feminism // why am i attracted to older men i dont even ducking have daddy issues

The last part happened today but i’ll include it into my evenfully unevenful week

i’ve been ridiculously depressed and irritable this week. i havent touched my prescripted medicine and i probably should. i’m in no way getting better.

During the 4th of july, i got into a hugeeee argument with my dad and i ended up staying home and playing roblox w my friends. it was kinda fun, then it all hit me. I’m at home during the 4th of july, doing absolutely nothing. I was bored and depressed. I HAD NOTHING TO DO!! So I ordered some food from grubhub and it made me feel better for a little bit. Then it hit me again. I'm getting fomo. How can i celebrate the 4th. of july? and listen I’m not the most patriotic citizen, and to be honest, i’m not big on independence day. although I am big on the celebrations itself, whether or not i really give a fuck about the reason of the celebration .

i decided to try lsd for the first time, and it was def the most sensational type of high i’ve ever experienced. especially bc it was laced with some other strong ass shit, which i didn't really know until i got tested positive for other stuff. I didn't rly mind tho, i had a good time regardless. My therapist was not happy ofc, so they actually told me that they may have to send me to a 30 day rehabilitation program if things don’t improve within the next week. It’s either that, or I have to stay at a psych ward for 7 days minimum, which isnt as bad, given that it’s so easy to trick them into thinking that you’re doing well within the span of a week. But either way, i’ll be stripped away from any sort of communication with all of you. unless i can memorize all of your number. not tryna do all that.

I'm against it, obviously. I’m functioning! I should be fine.

The reason why i’m not making such a big deal out of this is bc I’m not being too irresponsible with everything. Honestly i really do believe that they’re just trying to profit off of me. No one really knows what to do in those places. None of the staff members really know what they were getting themselves into. If you’re there for the money, why cant you at least try to put some effort on the shit tht you were supposed to do?

if i do end up in one in the future, best believe i’m pulling up in the corniest fit ever

but fr tho i actually have to start putting some effort because i’m not trying to go to some goddamn facility. I have many plans for this summer and living in a place w a bunch of druggiez isnt my thing. if all fails, i hope to be grouped with cool people.

i met someone on roblox, which i’ve spent a few hours with….at night. it was fun okay, and im not for edating, but this is entertaining for me. i wonder how many ppl he’s groomed online. better yet, i wonder how many people get groomed on roblox??? He’s 21 btw i forgot to mention, and yeah he does sound like it. Thats all i can say tho.

The thing is, you’ll never know if your the groomer or the groomee. Edating is so funny to me despite the times that i’ve attempted to do so. I got out of that phase towards the beginning(-ish?) of 9th grade. After that, I’ve just started fishing for some creepy pedos online and i tried to see if i can get money off of them. I found many, but they all wanted my fucking face to be in pictures/videos and they wanted to be able to hear my voice and such, like how desperate can you be? Theyre all really fucking pathetic and it just pissed me off seeing people live like that. Discord users are really something else……..

just dont edate. It's that easy.

One thing that I have noticed is that I kinda have a problem with older men. Why am I writing about this online rather than telling a professional about this? Idk but I just felt like it needs to be talked about. No, I don't have daddy issues, which proves that it's only a common stereotype. Women have such a great amount of power, simply just by existing. Next thing you know, you've hypnotized them into throwing their cash onto you.

[cruelsister-moved]

Where do you usually find new music? :-0 i really like your taste

thank u!! I REMEMBER this feeling where I knew there was awesome music out there and i didn't know how to FIND it. Honestly its not super easy but my blanket advice would be seek out advice from real people.

nowadays I honestly most music from friends. i get a lot of folk stuff from uni and my mentors there. i also worked at an independent record store where i got a lot of great stuff, and i stay in contact with the owner and we exchange music regularly.

boring answer out of the way, here's some ways in which i got started, i.e ways you can discover new interesting music without getting stuck in a rut, if you aren't necessarily surrounded by interesting friends and mentors.

-> read journalism. my first start ever in music was DEVOURING all those rolling stone lists of top 100 artists/guitarists/singles/albums etc etc. those things cover a decent breadth of genre and era and they have information to go with it so just listen to everything that sounds like it might be interesting. As u can imagine those things are very male, but there's an NPR list with top 50 albums by women that has some amazing records on. Tiny desk sessions on yt are fun too.

- mojo was always my favourite publication for a range of genres. I always got the mag but they might be online? for more indie stuff ig try loud and quiet or wire. (l&q was always super intimidating to me)

-> look at people's last.fm profiles. Related artists on there aren't as bad as on spotify either, and I've found cool things that way.

I'll link mine and you're always welcome to have a pillage. some friends who i also recommend checking out: kot has great nonwestern and western folk, new wave, pop, punk, and indie; lewis has the greatest folk revival library of anyone under 60; and jodie is queen of the classics and she has a great library of new wave and soul and industrial :)

-> you will notice that none of us care about if what we listen to is cool/obscure/fits into a certain genre bracket or not. I listened to jenny from the block like 5x yesterday. Just listen to something because you enjoy it. It seems simple but getting into that mindset made me so much freer to actually find music I enjoyed.

-> if something seems cool on paper but is way too much for you when you actually listen: try and get through the album, and then leave it. you may well comer back later and find your palette has expanded and you love it now. or not. but either way, don't waste your time trying to make yourself like something.

-> on that note. Listen to full albums whenever you can. It'll give you a proper taste of the artist and give you time to adjust and get to know something new before you write it off.

-> read about the artists you like. find out what music they're currently listening to and what inspires them. i started with people like jenny lewis and hayley williams and they are smart women who have spent a long time in the music industry - they will have something interesting to show you. ive noticed a rule in music where someone's influences are always cooler & more obscure than them (lol) so it goes without saying that you can follow a chain of influences back from something pretty bland to something awesome.

-> finally, I know this sounds so tumblr but. avoid white men! they're told their whole lives that their mediocrity is an asset... It shows. everything changed when i started focusing on finding the voices of women, on getting into music that isn't dominated by white ppl, on looking outside the western music industry. women and minorities just tend to have more interesting and diverse outlooks on life and it tends to reflect in their music (avoid musicians who went to private school for the same reason ekslskdkdldld). this isn't saying DON'T listen to white men, but just reprogram ur compass to focus on something else, yknow?

I really hope that helps! sorry to give you such a wall of text when I'm sure you just wanted to hear that I read a specific column in an indie magazine. but i wanted to give you and anyone else who is reading a real idea how to combat the homogenisation of the music industry and unfortunately it isn't that easy. but it's very much exponential, so the more you find, the more you'll be able to find! i didn't put any personal recs here because i have no idea what you're interested to but if you let me know what specific type of thing in my taste you sent this ask abt I will give u some more stuff to get into! Much love ❤️

[hamliet]

Part 3. Is it possible to ever just be free from it all. I hear so much of how abuse can hurt ppl physically and mentally & I just go back to hating them for it bc I don't want to deal with it. Ik what they went through & I know theyre human but no matter how many times theyre told they're wrong they just don't change.

Hey Anon, sorry I got your messages all out of order, so that’s why my answers are all scattered and separate! Under the cut again for subject matter!

Part 4 . I wish i could go to therapy but everytime i tried it just never worked. I'm scared that they're gonna control me for the rest of my life, even when they're gone. Not everyone has a Touka that loves and would wait for them & I feel like I'll never get to the point where I just know that I love someone

Part 5 I've done shitty things to bc of them. AND Ik they aren't good but these habits are so bad that I feel like they're apart of me. And everytime I try to change I just can't. Even if i try to talk to ppl

Oh, Anon. I wish I could just hug you right now. You are clearly in a lot of pain, and none of it is your fault, and you do not deserve this no matter what. Please believe me.

I think I will say this: you can’t control them. No matter what you do to make them change the only one who will ever make them change is themselves, and most people who are like that don’t change. Sometimes they do. I hope yours do. But many times they don’t. And that is an extremely painful thing to realize, because no matter how much I was angry, they were still my parents, and I wanted them to change. I wanted them to love me like they were supposed to. I wanted them to accept me and LISTEN to me like they were supposed to. And realizing that I had to give up on that was agonizing. It was a slow process, and give yourself time. It’s okay that it’s slow. It’s okay that it will take time. You are not losing years of your life to them. You are learning. Life is learning. 

The only one you can control is yourself. You’re 18. Get to a safe situation. Give yourself space--that will probably help. They cannot control you. You control you. Therapy is really helpful for gaining your God-given power over your own life back, but you also have to find a therapist who works for you. My first therapist? It did not work. Not that she was a bad therapist, but she was a very bad fit for me and instead of getting better I got worse. And then I found my current therapist, who is exactly who and what I need right now.

You are not broken, Anon. They have hurt you and hurt you, but you are not destroyed. You are worthy of love. I say this as someone who is 25 and single and honestly, not happy about being single: I also don’t think my life is incomplete. I hope I find someone sooner rather than later, but my life is full now. Years ago I did not think this was possible. I thought they’ve ruined me forever. They hadn’t, but it does take time. Give yourself grace and empathy and understanding for the time you need to heal. Let yourself grieve, because you’ve lost something every human being deserved: a safe environment to grow up in. It’s okay to be angry. That’s part of the process.  

Those habits you mention? They’re coping mechanisms. Are they healthy? Many of them aren’t (writing is a healthy coping mechanism for me, but trust me I have many that are not healthy). Once you are out of the immediate danger of the situation--because verbal/emotional stress is dangerous for your psyche and wellbeing even if it isn’t physical--give yourself space. Breathe. And then slowly, step outside. (Yes I’m quoting one of Ishida’s poems lmao.) Try to learn the world and discover what coping mechanisms are no longer necessary when you’re not in danger. And while you can look back at your coping mechanisms and acknowledge that ain’t right, you can also have compassion on yourself. You were a scared child trying to find a way to survive, and those methods helped you in some ways, but you no longer need them and so you can find other methods, more productive, healthier methods now. It’s okay.

You are going to be okay, Anon. You are tough to have made it through all of this. You shouldn’t have had to be so tough. Get to safety. Take your space from your parents and take it one day at a time. Don’t worry so much about whether or not you’ll ever reconcile or forgive; just take it today, and then tomorrow. (That’s really hard for me lol as a planner, but try.) And then try to find some help, a therapist who works, talk to your general practitioner for recommendations if you can. One day at a time. You’re going to make it. You’re going to be okay.