#and much more convincing than he thought it would be from my original (admittedly struggling) thesis drafts

[supercantaloupe]

feedback on my music history papers. A on the big research paper which i am pretty happy with, A- on the final which i'm slightly miffed about but the professor's comments were mostly 1. i could have talked more about the audience (fair although i would have run into length problems) and 2. disagreement over the thematic analysis of one of the movements of the symphony which is relatively subjective anyway. he didn't say as much but i suspect if the exact same paper had been written by anyone else in the class it'd be an A or even A+, i think he holds my writing to a particularly scrutinizing standard since i have such a long history by now writing for his courses and because no one else but me is a dedicated musicology student, so i understand being held to a very high standard

[mystxmomo]

Hello! Would you mind answering 7, 13, 32, and/or 47 for my fave girl Enclave? Please and thanks!

7. How easily and frequently do they ask for help

Depends on who she's asking help from.

From Vhaeraun? Easily. In the world's driest tone, "It makes him happy when he's helping. Gives him enrichment." ;;: yeah she's pretty up his ass about grabbing from his magic and calling on his avatar. It's a direct influence within how she's fighting and defending herself.

But to any of the people in her life that she surrounds herself with...? She'd struggle with that. That's not her role here. Maybe she's a bit more comfortable asking someone like Ilphaer for help, but people like her brother/Dekkon who are SO much younger than her? Awkward. She's not doing that.

And this is something I actually incorporate into how she fight/her actual class/subclass in 5e. If she multiclasses into rogue (I have a few different sheets that Ive conceptually played with because I'm not quite sure which feels right without playing, and she's such a specific character that I would not bring her to a table of strangers, lmao) she's either an assassin or mastermind. Her abilities are so... Meant for self defense and taking care of things on her own. When she's written pen to paper, she runs ahead and tries taking care of things on her own.

Is it a good trait? No. But it's so specifically her.

13. Is there a moral line they would never cross

I answered 13 for her here but Tldr, is that she's someone willing to cross her own moral lines, but you have to put in the work of convincing her that it's worth doing. And good luck doing that as an outsider. She follows people and their concepts. She's not exactly a paragon of virtue, but she's always been aware of this and thinks that she doesnt have the luxury to be that.

32. Are they more concerned with the bigger picture or are they hung up on the details

Which, to tact on to the last answer - Bigger picture.

Though, admittedly, I think this is something that changes over the course of her life. When she's younger, I think she's someone far more concerned about smaller details and things happening within the moment of. But I think there's this thing that happens as she gets more involved with the divine. Like, she's already a fairly long-lived elf, but i think given who she stands by, she starts viewing things on a time-scale far larger than most of her peers. To her, a big picture may very well become a little detail to focus on.

After all, What's 100 years when you're rubbing up against something that's existed since before your entire race was known as drow..?

47. If they were an object, Which material(s) would they be made of

Obsidian. I almost made one of her blades obsidian, and I still might give her an obsidian knife just because she can never have too many. Built under pressure. Chips easily, but dangerous when chipped properly. And is often, in fact, only aesthetically associated with what it is because of the damage done to it and the way it's reshaped through doing so. Material that's been used in lot of tools over the course of time, and to use it properly you HAVE to damage it. Pretty, natural material. Adds further connection to how in her Gods pocket she is, and how she personally sees herself.

I think it fits her very well. I almost went with a fabric like velvet but wanted to specify that it's threadbare, but I think that's ultimately a little too soft for her (My original thought process was going to be that it's one a lot of people like, but that just as many people hate the texture of, and then the added damage making it unusable to most ..? But the lines didn't connect well enough in my head. Alas)

[soo-won]

I also can't help but see her as kinda self-centered for being angry at the gods only know when she learns /she/ has to be the one to kill Zeno. And that Zeno had to fall this low, plead her, for her to react this way. Like I know we had more information than her about the dragons etc for a long time but idk I wanted to punch the gods for nothing more but the dragons existing just for Hiryuu and forced to wait forever for them and the crimson illness so i'm a bit yes it's nice she's angry and wants to speak with the gods! But why did it take so long...I don't think it was the intention but in the end it's like she wasn't really concerned before it became a problem to her personally. I know it's because she was busy with the plot so I get it on a writing level but on a character level I'm well yes that's what we've been saying for many many years and should have been a topic much sooner.

Also really weird how no character brings up the Crimson Illness when it's definitely connected to all that. On a practical level again I understand that Kusanagi wants to do things step by step but it doesn't feel very natural for the characters to not mention it at all. Again, it makes it like they don't care because it's not their problem. But I feel like the way Yona spoke in ch258 hinted at her having some kind of idea about the illness? so wait and see. My guess for now is to resolve this issue Yona will have to let go of Hiryuu's soul and let it return to the heavens, except she needs that connection right now to save the dragons so she's leaving that for after that's done. Maybe.

I don't think her avoiding the difficult choice is bad though. Like it feels coherent with what akayona is about and the point of all these parallels between Zeno and Suwon. It's all about finding another solution. Zeno is so convinced there's no other solution because he can't conceive fighting against the very fundations, the roots of what made things this way. But Yona has that power. Zeno's plan was doomed to fail because of how he actively tried to avoid involving her and absolve her of her responsibility in all this because of his affection for her and Hiryuu. Even if admittedly Zeno was killed by Yona, that would be only be like playing the gods' game. They would get something from it no matter what it is. Nothing would stop them from creating another Zeno. It is fate. Submitting to the choices pushed on her would be the easy way for everyone. The execution is just whacky for now lol. The story going straight to make her a cool hero without showing much internal struggle and avoid any conflict with Zeno about her decision in 257 is the problem. Like you said, even if yes everything is originally because of the gods, I still wish she would feel some responsibility in all this...That's why I really wanted Hiryuu to be shown to be flawed and partly in the wrong for coming down in the human world in the first place too, but well. I won't get that visibly. At least not for now and I'm not expecting it anymore.

I just...Yona feels so distant lately (lately being at least 3 years tbh lol). We're in her head technically, but it's more for her reactions to what she sees directly and for exposition than it is to really explore her thoughts and feelings. I want to be closer to her again. I don't want to observe her from afar and praise her when she's midly badass, I want to be with her. I personally don't really care if Yona is "such a Queen" or whatever, I just want to feel her experience. I don't think everything will be resolved after one talk with the gods so I'm very curious of where it's going next but yeahhh...I hope it will give us more with Yona's character. I feel like the gods will ask her to return to the heavens in exchange for sure and a conflict can be created from that? wait and see.

i can’t help but interpret this as a selfish act.

what, so she meets with the gods, yells at them a bit, and everything is fine? she’s allowed to avoid making the difficult choice to spare zeno’s suffering even if it pains her? she still hasn’t acknowledged her hand in this either. i hope she has some sort of internal struggle, that she doesn’t get to swoop in last minute and play savior, pinning the fault entirely on the gods. imo that would cheapen both her development and zeno’s betrayal.

[helena-thessa]

Hi Helena! Big fan of your writing here🥺♥️ Your rivamika fics are my safe space 😭 (if you have time to answer) i’d love to know when you first started shipping them, why, and what made you continue to love this ship (or anything else to do with your journey as an RM shipper)? i love your characterisation of both levi and mikasa individually, but even more so, your portrayal of their dynamic as a couple, which is why i wanted to ask so badly ☺️ x

Hey anon! Oh woah, first of all, thank you so much. Second of all, oh god, you probably shouldn't have handed me the mic. heh 😅

I’m afraid to look at the word count of this response, I’m sure it’s much more than you bargained for, but I appreciate the question and enjoyed thinking through my response (: Most importantly, I’m so glad you find my stories as a safe space. It’s really an honor. Thank you for sharing with me 🖤🖤

TL; DR As a longtime reader, writer and lover of stories and story-telling, by being someone who pays attention to how stories are crafted and deliberately developed from beginning to end, I sincerely thought Isayama was setting up rivamika as an endgame relationship. So, I read into and interpreted meaning out of ALL their interactions and became deeply invested.

I don’t necessarily ship them cause of the parallels, age gap, enemies to lover trope, height difference, or some of those common reasons and/or kinks. I’m more basic and boring than that. I love the concept of them coming together as though it’s inevitable.

They both are unbelievably strong, selfless, and have suffered so much loss— so, no one else could truly understand them as well as they can understand each other. They both probably would have always settled for a stable, simple life, and been alone and lonely even without realizing it— instead, they find each other, and realize what it means to actually no longer be alone, to do more than just survive. It’s this understated bond, as opposed to a dramatic and passionate romance, that I envision in them and that I love so much.

Then, the passion, heat, the romantic "spark"— I think that’s an added bonus, the cherry on top, the perfect final puzzle piece. They’re both so physically capable, can speak through their actions, and don’t show much need or capacity for emotional/ verbal communication, so the ability to connect with each other through physical intimacy and mind-blowing sex seems like another given.

Still, at the end of the day, for me it comes back to their ability to fully depend on each other, to the inevitability. Not like some soulmate trope where they 'have no choice' in it, but like the stars aligned to prove it's right. How each of them have only one other person on the whole planet who could see and understand them, to be on par with them, to make them realize there’s more to life than settling and surviving, and they happen to find it in each other.

You asked, I rambled 😅 Here’s a breakdown of my thought process in my rivamika journey. For those who make it to the end or want to skip to the end, I'll finish with the excerpt of the very first rivamika scene I felt compelled to to write.

I've tried before to re-watch and remember the exact scenes, exact moments, that initially captured my full attention, but I guess it was all of them, the gradual and cumulative compilation of their earliest interactions.

Mikasa always appearing cool and indifferent, and paying no attention whatsoever to others fawning over, like Jean initially falling for her, but then her strongly reacting over Levi in the courtroom showed how uniquely capable he was at getting under her skin.

Of course, the scene in the forest chasing the Female Titan was a critical one. I think of that as the first time both Levi and Mikasa were truly able to see the other's strength, mental and physical. And for them, orphans and trauma survivors who have suffered extensive loss, I think that seeing strength in another person made them feel less alone. Less alone in a deep, quiet but cataclysm, life-altering sort of way, even if not a romantic one. Like they didn't know it was something they didn't have, something they didn't expect to get from life, but then found it with each other.

(Even when we found out Levi was an Ackerman, I was disappointed if it meant they were immediate relatives, but willing to accept it wouldn't be a romantic end to loneliness, it would be a familial end to loneliness. But... the author never explored that. Not once.)

In that forest scene, manga and anime, the way that Levi pauses to really look and see Mikasa and think about who she is, what she’s gone through, and how strong and dedicated she is now— that was a defining moment. It was also a visual demonstration of Levi breaking character, from aloof and ruthless, to considering and curious. I thought Yams was showing both of them do that on purpose.

Then, Levi getting hurt because of Mikasa in that scene felt like another clue. Sure, it was while saving Eren, and sure, it could have been meant to humanize super-soldier Levi, or sure, it could have been another aspect of how Mikasa rushing into things over Eren ends up hurting other people that later changes in her character development, but it felt like a very pointed statement about Mikasa being a vulnerability for Levi. And that's swoon-worthy, right? Most of us have been exposed to and conditioned by stories about how special and romantic it is to be the one and only girl who can make an otherwise disinterested or unattainable guy actually pay attention to her, and so admittedly I fall right for it.

I’m sure I’m forgetting plenty, but the opening of season 3 felt like confirmation. When Levi figures out Kenny's behind things and entrusts Mikasa with instructions to share with the others, instructions about fighting people instead of titans that ultimately everyone else besides her struggles with, and when Mikasa lets Levi hold her back from chasing after Eren, her most important way of trusting and having faith in Levi, I honestly took that as cues from the author that rivamika was endgame. I let myself get truly invested from then on. That’s that understated bond I was referring to. To me, that unspoken but undeniable trust is the most important dynamic.

Seeing them fight together or fight similarly has always been fun and powerful and fulfilling.

I'm newer to the snk club. I was originally an anime-only fan and started watching in fall 2019, I think. I wasn't on tumblr, twitter, or anything else to see fandom discourse. So, I didn't know that the rooftop scene of Mikasa fighting Levi over the serum was such a staple for our ship until much later. I love the scene just like many do for all the reasons we do, but I don't think the actual scene was pivotal for me, so much as it's aftermath. I thought it represented two things.

One, it was an important marker in Levi's characterization. Hands-down one of the most striking scenes to me is the one where Levi is in the alley, somber and alone, listening in on Eren, Armin, and Mikasa talking together. It artfully shows his longing for hope and connection. So, when Levi chose Armin for the serum, that represented Levi choosing hope. And when Mikasa ultimately gave up fighting Levi and didn't choose Armin, which Armin finds out about later on, I see that as an important marker in Mikasa's development. It puts a wedge between her and Armin/Eren [Armin, because he knows she would have let him die, and Eren, because Armin is too special to him and he couldn't look at her the same way after realizing she would have let him die]. That distance between her and her childhood friends is one I don't think could ever be healed completely, one of those painful lessons in growing up. By doing that, it then also puts a distance in Mikasa's own childhood self to her current self. I thought that matured her and separated her out in a way that was another clue toward eventual rivamika developments.

That's a whole other conversation on Mikasa, but I’ll stay on track. Her love for Armin was absolutely authentic and fierce, but at the end of the day, at the core of her being, she chose survival over hope. Meanwhile, Levi chose hope over survival. To me, that was soft, fertile ground for the reasons why eventually, if/when Mikasa found hope and chose hope, that could directly tie together with her inevitably in coming together with Levi. Again, less butterflies and fireworks, but more natural and in a way that was just a given.

I wrote Beyond the Walls before reading the manga from the Marley Arc and on, so that's why most of that story is her journey into embracing that hope. *manga spoilers* There's a lot of meta, criticism and talk about Mikasa's silent, off-screen and subtle style of character development in the Marley Arc and afterward. I won't go down that road, I'm still processing the end of the manga to be honest, but I think it's fair to say she does eventually end up choosing hope over survival when she lets go of Eren and saves humanity instead. I love the “Stay with Me” line and think it’s perfect; a simple but profound display of trust and their deep-rooted bond in a really understated way. *end manga spoilers*

Here's something I always wanted to talk about in full but haven't. It honestly reads to me like Yams was building toward rivamika, and didn’t do anything to stop that until too late. There are tools authors can use to ensure we stop shipping a pair or start shipping a new one; love triangles are commonly used in every artistic medium and we’ve all been persuaded by these tools. But Yams didn’t use these tools to make sure readers didn’t feel convinced by rivamika. For all the reasons I listed above, more I'm forgetting, and for the following:

If he wanted us to think they were family and it would be incest, he should have added in a conversation between them realizing they were (close) family and that they weren't the only ones left in their biological family like they thought. But he didn't.

If he wanted us to think it was completely inappropriate between a child-and-adult and student-and-teacher, then he could have done something to ensure Mikasa looked childish or Levi looked older, but no. They barely look ten years apart. I do think it's unacceptable and that there's a power imbalance between a child-and-adult relationship regardless of that, and that there can't be true consent when one is a superior and another a subordinate, so I personally age-up Mikasa in my head and try to handle his position of power responsibly in my writings... but the point being, by the end of canon, there's no inappropriate or non-consensual romance between them, yet there's a lot of history and chemistry that could naturally lead to an age-appropriate and consensual relationship. If Yams didn't want us to think so, he could have made it more clear that there were reasons it wouldn't happen.

The only thing that makes sense to me is the author planned on rivamika endgame but was shamed/pressured out of it (either internally or due to others) OR that the author somehow accidentally created such vibrant chemistry and an incredible dynamic between them. Like, he didn't put enough convincing substance of eremika in, didn't make Levi look old enough, didn’t have one of them do something unforgivable in the other’s eyes, etc. Those are some of those tools he could have used. Romance was never a key component in snk. And since we now know Yams planned or needed eremika endgame for sake of plot and the conclusion of the manga, I personally think he didn't know what to do with the riveting rivamika substance and chemistry being much more convincing to readers. Once he had them so well built-up, maybe the only option he felt he had was to just stop putting the characters together. We get little-to-no rivamika interaction, platonic or practical, after season 3 all the way up until the very end. But there was so much of it beforehand ?? So, it simply doesn't make sense. I think the author just straight-up cut any and all interactions out between them because it was too convincing and moving, more convincing and substantial than eremika. But, as the end of canon shows, we needed to have some eremika buy-in. It's messy writing and unskilled in the romance department, but considering for how long and how complicated snk has been in a creative process and how lackluster the eremika romance (the main and apparently pivotal romance) is developed, I think it’s plausible to say the author effed up.

As far as writing fanfiction goes, there's just so much room to explore them. In canon, we aren't given enough insight into their individual perspectives, let alone their dynamic together, so it feels like a blank canvas to work from. I think that's part of why I love to write them, and also why I don't necessarily read much of them. When I first started shipping them while watching the anime, I read a few of the classics that were canon-verse, but I haven’t really read much since. For me, exploring and discovering them as a writer is the most fun. (It's one of the reasons Naruto and Harry Potter have such large fanfiction collections. There's so much world-building and so many characters, but there's also so much left to the imagination.)

In general, I'm drawn to strong characters, especially women, who are multidimensional enough to be real, vulnerable and soft. Mikasa is the pinnacle of that. I don’t necessarily like to write about her love or infatuation with Eren, but I do respect and admire and consider it integral to her character and her amazing capacity to love. We can have strong, kickass women who falter when it comes to love but are still considered strong for it. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive and Mikasa is a beautiful example of that.

And Levi is strong, but real and vulnerable too; he’s honestly a fantastically developed character, from Petra explaining to Eren in the beginning how he’s not the amazing hero he’s painted to be to the public, to how Levi genuinely cares for Erwin and others and chooses hope despite all he’s suffered.

The end of the manga wrecked me a bit. Kind of like Games of Thrones. You have something that was so epic and well-done for so long, a rushed ending that isn't immediately sensical and isn't fulfilling is hard to stomach. Eventually, I'll move on from the denial of that and process what I think and feel about it. The whole reason we have fanfiction is to expand on canon, but it's made me put rivamika on the back burner until I figure it out. So I'm a little less hyper-fixated on the pairing right now even though interacting with you all and asks like this remind me what brought me here in the first place. 😊

To conclude, I’ll share that the very first rivamika content I wrote was a compilation of moments I thought could be inserted into season 3. These are still moments I plan to edit and publish one day. For anyone that actually read this far, I’ll put a rough and unedited excerpt of the first scene I ever wrote about them.

Thank you again anon 🖤😊

BEGIN EXCERPT [after the rooftop fight for the serum, immediately following the ceremony where Eren touched Historia by kissing her hand]:

Part of her was embarrassed at such a flagrant act of disobedience to a superior, especially to one who saved her and countless others' lives in the past. But mostly, she was anguished by the situation Captain Levi put her in once he revoked the serum meant to save Armin and planned to use it on Commander Erwin instead. Her current ostracization and self-loathing was not entirely her own fault. Anger she felt toward herself was just as easy to wield against him.

It must have shown in the grit of her teeth or defiant tone, because he turned to look at her, more aloof than curious.

Like a flint struck to steel, it ignited the fury she felt toward him.

“I shouldn’t have hesitated. I should have just killed you,” she answered him at last, piercing him with eyes darker than the night.

He wasn’t concerned. “You’re good, but not that good.”

Her hands fell to her side, fists clenched as she stood with a single, fluid movement. Before she could let loose a threat, he sighed.

“What’s the problem, Ackerman?” He was dismissive, his shoulders relaxed and posture loose.

The fire too furious to contain, she went sailing for him with the same speed from the battlefield. Her fingers already curled, she tightened her grasp as she swung her fist into his gods-damned apathetic face.

Levi wasn’t unprepared. He easily side-stepped her, then snatched her wrist to steal her momentum. Though he tried to toss her aside, she was no less fast; Mikasa dug her heel in and spun, her other arm shoving hard into his chest.

Too graceful to stumble, Levi used the chance to hook her second arm too. He caged both her wrists in a grip so strong, she was sure it bruised her bones. Still, he only looked at her warily, almost bored.

“Shouldn’t you be grateful? I chose Armin.” If his reminder was meant to ease her anger, it had the opposite effect.

Fury and desperation gifted her additional strength. She shoved into his chest hard. Levi shifted backward, nearly forced into loosening his grip; within that split second of an opening, Mikasa slammed her elbow into his chin, rocking his head backward.

“You did,” she seethed, but as fast as the fire inside her exploded, it was doused. Her next words came out broken and damp. “But I didn’t.”

Levi remained stern and otherwise unmoving as he attempted to flex his jaw through the spasm of pain. As the momentum of the fight died down, he loosened his hold on her wrists and evaluated her distraught frame.

Mikasa immediately released her own hands and turned away from him, eyes stinging from tears she refused to shed as she focused on the stars ahead. Admitting the harsh words aloud hurt her far more than any injury she could inflict onto him.

Not only was Armin one of the only friends she had, but he’d been a steadfast one throughout almost all she could remember of her life. After the trauma of her childhood, it was Eren and Armin who embraced her, whom she learned to love. Now, though, there was a wedge between her and Armin she was not sure could ever be removed. What was worse, as deplorable and selfish as she knew it proved her to be, was the painful wedge it now put between her and Eren too.

Once again, she found Levi standing at the peripheral of her sight, close enough to see but far enough to be a blur at the edge of her watery vision.

“You almost killed me.” Levi repeated his earlier words, but he said them with an odd bite, torn between frustration and patience. “You would have killed me to save him.”

Too late, Mikasa realized he hadn’t meant these words as an accusation, but an odd form of validation. She bit her bottom lip, teeth puncturing too hard; the tang of metal was sharp on her tongue when she swallowed blood.

“You thought about letting your closest friend die,” Levi said quietly, tiredly. “But I did let mine die. I left him for dead, when I could have saved him.”

Mikasa was startled from her selfish reverie, for the first time acknowledging the sacrifice he made on that fateful afternoon. She’d been too absorbed in her own relief, and then, her own regrets to consider what the decision had done to him.

For a brief moment, she considered turning to face him, but the stark reality of the matter made her refrain. How could she feel pity for his loss, when his loss enabled her gain? An uncomfortable knot tightened in her stomach.

“Tch,” Levi sighed. He was only one notch less taciturn, but for him, that was soft. “You’ll live with your guilt, and I’ll live with mine.”

His words granted Mikasa’s tears the permission to spill. She buried her face further into her scarf, both hands trembling at the worn threads. As quietly as he arrived onto the roof, Levi disappeared from it.

.

.

It was rare for him to indulge in alcohol or celebrations, but Erwin’s absence felt more tangible than his presence ever did. Levi distracted himself with the chaos of the few remaining Scouts that Erwin had died entrusting his legacy to, and attempted to drown the pain with whatever drink Connie Springer shoved into his hands.

He found Hanji with their ale long-forgotten about on the table as they half-stood from their seat, frantic while explaining some morbid experiment in great, vivid detail to an unsuspecting and slightly horrified MP officer.

Though Levi wordlessly took the seat beside them, Hanji paused their rant to slap him hard on the back, an enthusiastic greeting flying from their drunken lips. The MP took this chance to excuse himself, a pathetic attempt at politeness, but Hanji either didn’t care or didn’t notice.

“Ah, Levi,” they smiled at his drink, though it didn’t entirely reach their one eye. “Where you been?”

Levi didn’t answer. “You know, shitty-glasses, you’re even more unbearable about your experiments when you’re drunk.”

Hanji waved dismissively and reached for their ale. Years spent in battle and command together had gifted both of them with an eased familiarity, and sometimes, genuine friendship. In the same manner he ignored their question, Hanji ignored his lack of response and went on with their original inquiry.

“Careful, Captain,” Hanji warned lightly. “Now that there’s far fewer Scouts, you having a favorite might cause some division.”

Even though Hanji meant the words, there was a glint of mischief that twinkled in their remaining eye.

“It’s not favoritism,” Levi countered bluntly, turning his vision toward the young man on the far side of the room. “Eren is simply the best chance that we have in this war.”

Hanji laughed as if he’d made a joke and Levi looked back to stare at them, unable to be surprised at their quirks or oddities any longer, but still a touch curious about what spurned this current demonstration.

“I wasn’t talking about Eren,” Hanji said at last, a pointed nod toward his injured chin.

Levi blinked. He didn’t realize he was nursing his injury with the hand not on his drink. As though it were too hot to touch, Levi dropped his hand.

Hanji was not judgmental, nor inquisitive. In a war-torn life of losing too many cadets entrusted to him, the fact that Levi found a soldier with the strength and skill to remain safe was not only rare, but worth special attention. Still, it made him too lenient.

“Sometimes I think you’d let her get away with murder,” Hanji chided halfheartedly.

When he thought of Erwin dead in his grasp, sometimes he wasn’t sure if he already had.

[writtenvisionary]

Not Her Idea

Read on Ao3

WC: 2.9k

Summary: She most definitely did not adopt a small black cat and name him Mini Noir. Nope. But she can't help but swoon over what an adorable sight the real superhero with his mini namesake is. Based on this Tumblr post by @akuma-eater

It wasn’t her idea. It most definitely was NOT her idea to adopt a black kitten and name it after Chat Noir. Nope. If you ask, her parents were the ones who insisted. Because it was not her who suggested it.

She would definitely regret it later if she did. But she didn’t.

Although as Marinette pets the small, soft creature, a smile forms on her face. He rubs up against her, craving attention. Of course she gives it to him; who is she to deny?

She was still debating if she should tell her partner or not. His ego is already so huge, and there are so many of his fans that have named a pet after him already. If he knew that his own partner named her cat after him?

She would never hear the end of it.

There was also the fact that Alya would freak about the name and start demanding answers, because what teenage girl in Paris wasn’t attracted to the, admittedly hot, superhero? Again, she would never hear the end of it.

But when the words slipped out of her mouth in class, her friends immediately wanted to see the new kitten. Which makes sense. She really should have expected it. So she said that they can all come over after school and meet the little guy.

Now she’s frantically running around her room, tidying up before they make their way into her space, while Mini Noir innocently sits on her chaise, staring at her with wide green eyes.

All posters of Adrien ripped down: check. Scattered trash in garbage bin: check. Litter box cleaned and kitten has food and water: check. Fabric put away: check.

“Tikki, hide,” she whispers to her kwami, who promptly phases into her purse on her desk.

She takes a deep breath.

“Alright, you can come up!” She calls.

Footsteps are then heard making their way up the steps, and suddenly she’s not alone in her room anymore.

Attention is immediately turned to the kitten on her chaise. She watches in awe as Alya coos over her, and Nino rests a hand on his girlfriend’s shoulders, keeping her grounded. He reaches over to pet Mini Noir with his other hand, who leans into his touch and starts to purr.

Marinette glances over at Adrien. Her knees buckle at the look of pure happiness in his eyes, and she can feel a her cheeks heating up. Their eyes meet and she smiles.

“Y-you w-wanna pet the smitten, I MEAN kitten?”

He sends her a grin and nods. 

She somehow finds the strength to look back at her other friends.

“Hey guys, can A-Adrien see him?”

Yeah, she hates the stutter just as much as Alya does.

They agree and happily back up so that the blonde model can pet the little creature. Adrien slowly takes a few steps forward and puts out his hand for the kitten to smell. After deciding that Adrien is apparently a safe human, he rubs against his hand.

“Aw,” he mumbles. “He’s so sweet.”

Her heart melts.

“Hey, Mari. What’s his name? You didn’t tell us at lunch.”

She barely hears the question. Her eyes are trained on her crush as he carefully picks up the kitten and sits down, letting Mini Noir stand up on his lap. He gently pets him, coaxing him to lay down.

“Marinette,” Alya says, catching her attention.

“Oh,” she looks to her, then gulps.

Should I tell her? She’s not gonna let me live this down.

…. Oh, whatever. He needs people to refer to him as something.

“Mini Noir, or just Minou.”

Marinette looks back to Adrien, not wanting to see her bff’s reaction, and bites her lip. 

His grin had softened, but his eyes are watering. He continues to pet her kitten, who had finally laid down, as he blinks to stop the tears from falling.

“Are you okay, Adrien?”

He looks up at her, and suddenly he can’t stop the salty liquid from rolling down his cheeks. A smile crosses his features.

“I’m perfectly okay. Just… wish I had a cat.”

Not that she has a say, because she sucks at lying herself, but she can tell that he’s not telling the truth. Something seems… off.

“I get it. I’ve wanted a pet for so long. I can’t imagine what it’s like being alone in that huge house with no one, not even a pet,” she says, and woah she just talked to him without stuttering.

Adrien nods, looking back down at his secret namesake, and scratching behind his ears. Even though it may compromise his identity, he has to come visit tonight as Chat Noir. He has a right to meet a cat named after him, right? He doesn’t want to leave him at all.

But he has no choice. His father needs him home by four o’clock to get ready for his interview at six. Not that he’s excited for it, but he doesn’t want to disappoint the man any more than he already has. He’s sick of being a failure.

With that depressing thought in mind, he lets out a sigh.

“I gotta get going, guys. Let me know if you ever wanna hang out again and I’ll see what I can do.”

The three of his friends nod, Marinette looking oddly worried, and Adrien takes Mini Noir in his hands. He stands, handing the kitten to his favorite everyday Ladybug, but not before leaving a kiss atop the cat’s little head.

After he leaves, the atmosphere turned awkward. 

Nino grunts.

“His dad is getting on my last nerve,” he grumbles. “You guys don’t even know half the shit he goes through. I wanna get him out of there, but I don’t know how.”

Marinette’s eyebrows furrow.

“What’s going on?”

“Yeah, Nino, you haven’t even told me anything. And I’m dating you. So?” Alya asks, hands on her hips.

The DJ sighs, taking his cap off and running a hand over his short hair.

“Gabe isolates him from his friends, doesn’t eat with him at dinner, and Adrien has to set an appointment to even see him. That’s neglect. Gabriel is not a good father, and something tells me there’s something he does behind closed doors that Adrien can’t tell me about.”

Alya and Marinette stare at him, now concerned.

“Well, what can we do?” Marinette asks.

Nino shakes his head.

“Nothing. I’ve tried to talk to Gabriel, and obviously I was banned from the mansion. Adrien doesn’t think there’s anything wrong, Nathalie keeps saying that it’s not her business, and the Gorilla doesn’t even talk.”

“True, and even if we’re able to convince Adrien that his father is a dickhead, we won’t be able to do anything because he’s rich and famous and will probably be able to overrule any charges we press,” Alya explains with an eye roll.

The entire subject makes Marinette’s heart pound, and she honestly just wants the focus to go back on her kitten.

So, she swallows and forces a smile.

“We’ll figure it out. You guys wanna play with him for a bit while I help my parents down in the bakery?”

Both friends agree with an excited nod, so she hands off Mini Noir to Alya and rushes down the stairs. The tension in that room was too much for her to handle. She needed to get away.

—

Marinette sits at her desk, hand-sewing her latest design with soft music sounding from her speaker. Her face twists in concentration as she tilts her head, readjusting the position of her hands to work at a better angle.

A knock at her top bedroom hatch startles her.

Gently setting down the piece she was working on, she stands and takes a few steps to the other side of her room. Then she glances up at the window on the hatch above her loft bed, and smiles at the sight.

She really should have guessed.

He comes by every other night. Originally, it was for some pastries for his kwami, but it soon became time for him to unwind after a busy day. She has come to quite enjoy his presence.

It’s why she named her kitty after him; he was so important to her, and so was Chat Noir.

“Coming,” she calls to him as she steps up the ladder.

When she reaches the hatch, her eyes lock with the black cat hero before pushing it open.

He jumps right through the opening, landing right on top of her bed. She shakes her head as she closes it, eyeing him through her peripheral. His forearm lay over his eyes, head on the pillow, breathing heavily.

“You good, kitty?”

He nods, pulling his arm away to look at her.

“My dad wanted me home for an interview earlier and then said he didn’t want me to go,” he frowns. “I had to leave my friends. I didn’t want to, and I didn’t even need to!”

“Aw,” she mumbles, lowering herself at the end of her bed.

“Well, I think I have something that will cheer you up!”

One of his eyebrows perks up, as well as the corner of his lips. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

She holds up a finger, trying to stifle an excited smile, then makes her way down from the loft.

A soft mew is heard from below, catching Chat Noir’s attention. So he looks over her railing, and the pure glee he feels when a black kitten is spotted cannot be tamed. His grin hurts, eyes following Marinette’s movements as she struggles to catch him (or her, he didn’t know) from running around the room. When she finally secures the small creature in her hands, she huffs a sigh of relief. Chat bites his lip, watching in awe.

She’s so adorable. 

Oh, and the cat’s adorable too.

Marinette struggles as she walks up her ladder, out of breath, but ultimately looks up at Chat Noir with a winded smile.

“Meet,” she swallows, “Mini Noir, or Minou.”

“Aw, oh my gosh. You named him after me? Mari, really?”

She could tell that his question was full of innocence, despite how teasing the word’s connotations are.

“Of course,” she feels her cheeks heat up. “You mean a lot to me. I would name a million things after you, Chaton.”

Chat Noir tried to stop it, but tears started forming all over again. Just… knowing that he actually means something to someone… it’s overwhelming. Not to mention that he loves cats. This is like a double whammy.

He’s so happy. He wishes he knew how to thank her. For now, a simple smile and hug would have to do.

She lets herself be engulfed in his arms, replying to his “Thank you” with an “Always.” He makes sure to leave room for their furry friend, who had resolved to curling up in Marinette’s lap.

When they separate, Chat Noir immediately looks down at the kitten, petting him with a smile.

Mini Noir stares at his honorary father with wide, green eyes and a little heart-shaped nose that nearly makes Chat melt. He scratches behind the kitten’s ears, enjoying the purrs that erupt from him. He wishes he could restrain himself from purring, but that seemed frivolous because he doesn’t even know when he starts.

Marinette giggles beside him and he sighs, not taking his eyes off Mini Noir.

“Was I purring again?”

“Yup,” she says, popping the ‘p.’

Then fingers are running through his hair and everything around him comes to a stop. His eyes flutter closed, and he leans into her touch. His purr returns, unwillingly, as he accepts the pets from Marinette. An angry meow from her lap makes his hand start moving again, giving Mini Noir the same treatment that his favorite fashion designer was giving him.

He was in heaven; experiencing pure ecstasy, feeling a kind of love that he hasn’t felt in such a long time. And the kitten… he just feels so appreciated.

Understandably, he’s disappointed when she pulls away. He glares at her, frowning hard, but she only boop’s his nose and hands the kitten over to him.

“Sorry, Chat. Gotta get those treats from the bakery, and set up the video game. Have fun!”

He shakes his head, leaning back on the bed and letting the kitten crawl on top of him. His little paws knead into his leather suit, leaving his claws to dig into the leather, so he ends up having to tenderly pull his paws off of him. He rubs the pads, gently massaging them. Mini Noir lets him, surprisingly. In fact, he plops down onto his back and stretches, allowing his paws to web out.

Chat Noir giggles, “Hey, princess? Are you sure this one’s for me?”

She scoffs.

“No, Chaton. This is my kitty. You just get the pleasure of seeing him a lot.”

He feigns hurt, dramatically gasping.

“You mean that I’m not your kitty?”

Marinette groans, “You know what I meant. Besides, aren’t you Ladybug’s kitty?”

Chat shrugs, looking back at the cute ball of fluff on his stomach. He smiles.

“I don’t think so. She calls me ‘kitty’ but it’s just a nickname. We’re not together or anything.” His voice drops into something smaller as he takes ahold of his mini’s paws again. “I wish we were, but she doesn’t like me like that. I’m sure I annoy her.”

The designer wanted nothing more than for him to believe that he was not annoying but he had such a low self-esteem that it was hard to really convince him of anything. But she sighs and does her best anyway.

“Chat Noir, you are anything but annoying. If she doesn’t see how amazing you are, she’s missing out.” Her tone turns predatory. “And if she ever says you are annoying, or stupid, or anything you’ve said about yourself, I will NOT hesitate to send her a giant punch to the gut.”

Her empty threat causes a smile to break through his chagrined frown, and a chuckle to escape his larynx (yes he pays attention in science class).

“You always say the right thing, Princess. Thank you,” he admits.

Marinette was going to reply, but her mother called her name from downstairs. She sends her two kitties a nervous smile.

“Be right back.”

Then she exits the room, abandoning the symbols of bad luck on her bed. She just hopes they will behave until she gets back with a tray of yummy, cheesy pastries.

To her surprise, they do. It’s Chat, actually, who ends up falling asleep, while mini Chat Noir prances around her room. He was de-transformed, but luckily he had already turned away from the hatch, hiding his true identity from her. This made her sigh in relief.

A snore sounds through the room, and she shakes her head.

Poor kitty doesn’t get enough sleep.

She makes a point to grab a throw blanket from her chaise on her way up to him, then drapes it over him. Then she heads back down the ladder to catch the little kitten, before bringing him back up to the real superhero. Mini Noir immediately settles in next to him, curling into a little ball flush against his side. Marinette can’t help but mumble a tiny ‘awe’ at the sight.

“Psst, Chat. Can you hear me?”

Nothing. He’s out cold.

Plagg flies in front of her with crossed arms, grunting.

“What is the meaning of this, Pigtails?”

Marinette shrugs, “Meaning of what?”

Plagg rolls his eyes.

“Why is there another thing here? I thought I was the main event!”

“His name is Mr. Mini Noir, or Minou. You can call him Chat Noir Jr, for all I care, just whatever you want to call him, Plagg, but nothing disrespectful,” she looks at him with indignation. “It’s a small kitten. Please be gentle.”

Plagg scoffs, floating over to the cat. She wants to turn and see his interaction with the other cat, but then she’d risk seeing Chat’s civilian identity and she wasn’t ready for that yet.

“This is family, Pigtails. We’re the same breed—“

“No you’re—“

“—And I will always love my kittens. I just don’t always outwardly show it. My insults are laced with love, little lady.”

She tilts her head slightly in admission.

He floats back in front of her, that scowl returning on his magical features once more.

“Okay, now where is my cheese.”

It wasn’t a question, but a demand. She smiles and shakes her head.

“It’s on my desk. Be quick before Chat wakes up.”

She watches Plagg glance over her shoulder at the sleeping boy, before he nods and promptly takes flight. Then she feasts her eyes on the way he inhales a multitude of cheese triangles that have been sat on the desk in front of him.

Only one minute passes before he’s back at her side. His tiny arms are crossed over his chest.

“Thanks, Pigtails. Where’s Tikki?”

Marinette smirks, “If she didn’t come out, that means she doesn’t want to see you.”

He rolls his eyes, floating back to his chosen.

“Rude,” she can hear him mutter angrily.

Plagg zips back into the ring, and a flash of green light encases her room before fading away. She is left with two sleeping black cats and a heavy load of homework.

—

It most definitely was her idea to adopt her mini chat noir.

That’s certainly why she’s sneakily snapping a few photos of the pair, snickering as she does so.

What’s one kitten without another? Just lonely.

Something tells her that Chat is already lonely enough outside of the mask. She didn’t want him to feel that way anymore. Who is she to deny him of a friend?

She doesn’t regret it. In fact, she is very happy with this turn of events.

Things are now paws-itively purr-fect.

[mrfrogmouth]

So there's a blanddcheadcanons post that says that "Kara is the mortal avatar of Rao" and I really don't like it, especially in the context of SG 3x04 (The Faithful). At best, as was pointed out to me by a friend with whom I discussed this post, the House of El is likely blessed and somewhat sponsored by Rao, which probably doesn't do much but produce Krypton's greatest heroes, given what the word "El" **means** in Kryptonian. I'm interested in your thoughts on this (pls post your answer).

    I reject the headcannon solely because if it were true it would mean Coville was right and I fucking hate that bitch.

     In all seriousness, though, this is an idea I've seen a lot and I'm not a huge fan of. I don't know much about Raoism beyond what appears in the show and that which can be inferred off of the show. One thing I would point out though is that El in Kryptonian (while obviously being intended to mean God by the original comic writers) can mean Sun or Stars, and since the Kryptonians in the show are, as far as I can tell, monotheistic, and worshipped only one particular star, the El family is not necessarily named God. It would, however, signify their enormous prestige on Krypton and contribute to the famous El pride (or rather, arrogance). I’m not sure it would necessarily have to mean anything more than that-- that the Els are a respected house who have produced a variety of successful politicians, civil servants, and scientists. And (this time reaching a little bit) that they are perhaps so old and respected that their house name was once a title. 

      There is a certain allure to the theory, for sure. Kara is a paragon character. She always, always does what she thinks is right, regardless of the cost, personal or global, and regardless of what other people might think of it. She has a very direct moral compass, and there are only a handful of times when she doesn’t follow it, all of which involve saving Lena. Ship who you want, but it is notable that Kara routinely prioritzes Lena’s life over that of others given the rarity of that happening otherwise. She never even considered breaking Rick Thompson’s father out of prison when he kidnapped Alex, and all he’d committed was bank robbery. Kara has lines she does not cross (though murder is clearly not one of them). She is a character that has seen some of the worst that sentient life is capable of, has seen more death and suffering than most people could imagine, and she came out of it with an all-encompassing desire to protect others. She lives to give people hope. Plus, the humor of having Kara-- the one person most offended by the idea of being an Avatar of Rao-- turn out to be an Avatar of Rao is great.

       But, I would also say that having Kara want to do good because she is the avatar of a benevolent god is reductive and not particularly true to her character. It is true that helping and protecting people is a large part of the core of who Kara is. But there is a difference between altruism and the self-destructive, bordering of suicidal desperation to save absolutely everyone that Kara practices. And to anyone who doubts the suicidal bit, I direct you to the season 1 finale where Kara literally goes on a goodbye tour because she thinks if she goes out to fight Non she’ll die. She still goes because she has hope, but that hope is that she can at least save Earth with her life. She doesn’t fight because she is certain in the ultimate victory of good and justice. She does it because she more afraid to lose another family than she is to die. Kara doesn’t become Supergirl and risk her own life because she believes in good, she does it because she can’t stand to listen to people suffer-- because she has suffered. To use Alex’s words in 1x13 “You fight everyday to keep people from struggling like you have.” Notably also in 1x13, Kara wakes up from the Black Mercy and her first words are “Who did this to me?” and then she goes after Non in what could arguably be described as a homicidal rage-- a rage that is fueled entirely for personal reasons, not the greater good of Earth (though that comes as an added benefit), which is.... not very befitting the avatar of a benevolent god. 

     A major part of season 1 is Kara dealing with grief and rage. She nearly breaks a guy's arm in episode 6 because he screamed at her for damaging his car, to hell with the children he'd almost hit with it. In season 3's Midvale flashbacks we see her first put both hands through a lunch table, then attack Jake when she suspects him for Kenny's death. She gets better at controlling it as the seasons progress, but during Crisis she very nearly melts Lex. Also not particularly godly of her. 

     Then there is the fact that so much of who Kara is is shaped by fear: fear of the government, fear of humanity, fear of abandonment, and fear of herself. In her civilian life, Kara is, for the most part, unnoticeable. She's polite, soft-spoken, doesn't wear a lot of bold colors or styles, and is often a pushover. As shown by her encounter with Red Kryptonite, Kara would not dress or speak the same way to people without the pressure of hiding her identity (though much of her dialogue is purely the loss of her "don't be an asshole" filter, some of it is stuff she had every right to say before and just didn't). I have always found that episode to be very interesting purely for the fact that Kara doesn't actually seem to be seeking harm on others so much as seeking their attention. Her argument with Alex is almost entirely about how much she hates having to hide and pretend to be less than she is. Kara drops Cat off the balcony and then catches her. She attacks the police when they point weapons at her but doesn't kill or even hurt them that badly, instead of destroying the car they're using as shelter. Red-K removed her inhibitions, made her angrier, yes, but if her goal was to actually hurt people, she could have done so-- would have done so, and with great ease. She goes to a public bar and uses super strength to smash bottles by flicking peanuts. Why do that at a crowded bar? Why not just flick potato chips at the windows in her own apartment?

      This is Kara at her absolute worst-- but does she seek out the DEO agents who shot her out of the sky? Does she go after Maxwell Lord or Non? No. She tries to make people pay attention to her. Her most shameful and hideous desire is for people to give her respect. (Admittedly, respect gained through fear, but still.). Kara's a nice person-- much, much nicer than average-- but a lot of that "nice" is just her avoiding conflict to avoid attention.

      Kara is a good person. Kara inspires people. But that is because Kara gets up every day and chooses to be good and to inspire. It's one of the reasons I enjoy Non as a villain so much-- he and Astra are Kara's narrative foils. They also remember Krypton and grieve its loss. They also were trapped in the Phantom Zone. But where Kara had the Danvers to convince her that some good people existed and would risk themselves just to help others, Non and Astra had Alura sentencing them to eternal suffering rather than helping them save their planet (through the means they thought necessary) and then landed on Earth and found it headed on the same path as the planet they'd just lost. Kara had people to help her grieve. Non and Astra were surrounded by misery. They lost hope. Kara discovered it.

     Kara is the Paragon of Hope because she has been hopeless. Because she has suffered so much, seen so much, and because she chooses to believe in a better future. She didn't have hope her first time in the Phantom Zone. She didn't even have hope for a while on earth. From what we can gather, Kara's choice to start actually believing in the future was a gradual shift that occurred sometime after Kenny's death and has lasted her ever since. For Kara, hope is learned. She chose to hope and she won't let it go, and to assign that incredible victory off to her being a God is an insult to her growth and to her character. 

   Now I personally thought “The Faithful” handled this concept very well. 3x04 is one of my favorite episodes of television in general, let alone in Supergirl. Season 3 is my second favorite season, and that says a lot for its good episodes when the bad of season 3 is so, so very bad (To say nothing of the episode to episode production value, we have the waste of Argo, Mon El’s return as obviously he’s grown he has a beard Mon El, and whatever the hell was going on with Kryptonian genetic engineering eclipse causing witches). To this day I don’t know why Kara had magic dreams. The show did nothing to explain it and I can’t imagine up a reason. 

     But “The Faithful” works because it highlights the whole paragon part of who Kara is. When you realize that every person in the room of Coville’s cult is a person she has personally saved-- that hits hard. Especially since only a fraction of the people she’s saved would ever set foot inside that building with the totally not-creepy, entirely wholesome way they deliver the invitations. (“Your daughter is special. She has been chosen. As have you.”) It works because it focuses on how the average human must view Kara, the ones who don’t see her argue with her sister over potstickers and crush her phone when she gets mad. It works because of how desperately hard Kara tries to be a human. It works because the writers know that we, the audience, do not see Kara as anything but a regular person with irregular abilities: a kind and remarkably devoted person, but not a god. 

[unecoccinellenoire]

Hi! I don’t know if you’re still doing the prompts but could I suggest maybe an au of Freaky Friday where maybe it was Nathalie and Gabriel that swapped please?

Nathalie and Gabriel?

Now that would be a mess. But maybe actually one I can work with so let have a speedrun of that scenario 

Gabriel stared up at his own face, “Why would it be an akuma?”

“I don’t know,” Nathalie hissed back at him, and from the disgruntlement that passed over her face when she spoke she was as thrown at how weird she sounded as him as he was, “but there aren’t exactly many other sources of random magical powers in Paris are there?”

“There’s Ladybug.”

“This doesn't fit in with any of the Miraculous we know about.”

“Well it wasn't an akuma.”

“What was it then?”

“Us!” Duusu trilled suddenly appearing from wherever the Kwami had been.

“Duusu,” Nooroo whimpered from behind his head, and really what was it about Nathalie’s hair that made it a magnet for Kwami’s.

Though his irritation gave way to anger as he realised, “wait, was this you?”

Then a knock at the door froze all of them, “Father? Um, I haven't seen Nathalie this morning so I'm just going to go to school.”

He opened his mouth to talk but Nathalie spoke first calling out to the door, “She's not feeling well. She’ll email you your schedule later.”

……......

“An act of selfless love?” Nathalie said, “Alright. I can work with that, Duusu spread my feathers.”

He couldn’t help but be distracted by the sight of himself blue and pink-eyed, and reached out to his face as if to check it was real. He wasn't sure the hair was a fantastic look but at least, “I'm thankful I'm not in your dress. I don’t think I’d pull it off.”

Nathalie flushed, and looked down, “I hadn’t even really thought. We’ll have to thank Duusu I guess.”

“I think you contributed,” he ran his eye over the tailcoat and slim trousers, “I can see Mayura in it. And your elegance.”

“My,” she blinked, “Thank you sir.”

“So what's your plan then?”

“The same as it's always been.”

“We can't make waste the Wish on fixing this,” and if they were using their original plan then as distracting as the image of Emilie and Nathalie together was, he could hardly just explain to his wife than he and his assistant had switched bodies and expect her to be ok with that, “we need it for Emilie.”

“I know,” Nathalie said, “which is why we get Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculous, and then I make the wish to sacrifice myself for Emilie. That should work shouldn’t it? I know it wouldn’t be completely selfless but,”

“What?” The room felt suffocating and hot, and he thought he might faint and he hoped this wasn’t what Nathalie felt like all the time because of damage from the Peacock Miraculous. “That’s, how, what about that wouldn’t be selfless.”

“I wouldn’t be in pain.” Nathalie said, and didn’t seem to realise how her words felt like stab wounds, “and you’d be the one dealing with all the mess afterward; explaining my death, explaining it all to Emilie, explaining it all to Adrien. And I’d know you were happy and I wouldn’t have to,” she stopped herself, “it doesn’t matter. I think it would still work.”

“We’re not doing that. I’m not killing you because our blasted Kwamis have betrayed us.”

“We are forcing them to work against their natures.”

“You really think Duusu has a problem with what we’re doing?” He should have seen Nooroo’s treachery coming but Duusu’s did surprise him.

“No,” she exhaled, “I don’t think that’s where Duusu’s actions are coming from. Duusu has a,” she bit her lip in thought, “different way of looking at the world. I wouldn’t advise asking for my kwami’s reasons. But it doesn’t matter. This doesn’t change anything.”

She looked as if what she meant was obvious when it very much was not. “It does. This was never the plan.”

“I thought you were willing to do anything for her?”

“Not that.” He pressed his fingers to his temples, “Nathalie if I was willing to throw your life away I’d have commanded you to wear that Miraculous from day one. I have never wanted to hurt you, and I can’t lose you too, you’re the only thing that gets me through each day.”

“You wouldn’t be losing me too, you’d have her back.”

“It’s too heavy a price,” Nathalie was, she was his friend and his certainty and he didn’t know how he could look himself in the mirror, could look Emilie in the eyes, if he killed her, “We not doing that.”

“It wouldn’t work anyway,” Nooroo said, “it has to be the elder of you that performs the selfless act of love.”

He’d never seen what horror looked like on his own face, and even blue it was his own face, until that moment.

…......

“I’ve got it,” Gabriel reached forward and pulled the Miraculous off her, “You’re never using this again.”

He waited for this nightmare to be over, but apart from her transformation falling from him-as-Mayura to him-as-himself nothing happened.

It should have worked. He’d put Nathalie ahead of his goals. Ahead of Emilie. Shouldn’t that have solved the whole thing?

“You’re said that before sir,” Nathalie said.

If he wasn’t in her body, and overly aware of how he could damage it, then he’d have punched a wall. Stupid past him screwing it up for all of them. And he’d always known letting Nathalie use that Miraculous was a mistake.

……….

“We’re probably going to have to get dressed at some point,” Nathalie said, looking as if she’d stepped in something distasteful, “you’ve a zoom meeting later. I guess it’s lucky we were swapped with each other, so we can keep the business going.”

Lucky was not what Gabriel would call the situation at all especially when, “I can’t just undress you.”

She was his assistant. It was wrong for him to know what she looked like under her clothes in any more exactness than her measurements. And the longer he was in her body the harder it was going to be not to ever look.

His body must have blushed more today than it ever had before, as Nathalie said, “Maybe just. Don’t shower today.”

“I wasn’t going to,” otherwise he’d actually be touching her and that was wrong wrong wrong, “I will try and respect your privacy Nathalie.”

“I know you would,” she said looking at him with a trust he wasn’t sure he’d earnt, “you dress models all the time, this isn’t any different. OK, I admit I’m not model but I trust you to be professional about this.”

“You’re pretty enough to model,”

She blinked, “I don’t think I can agree but thank you. And, I’ll do my best to give you your privacy too.”

“I never expected otherwise,” Nathalie was always professional, “I know I can trust you.”

“Thank you sir,” she said before a look of sheer horror crossed her face, “oh god, I’m going to have to go to the loo as you.”

He felt a funny warmth in his stomach. “We’ll have to fix this quickly then.”

“Yes,” said Nathalie but she didn’t look any more convinced than before.

………

“I’ve another idea,” he said, and reached up to cup his own face, and tried to ignore how disconcerting the whole situation was he pressed his lips to hers or his depending on how one considered it.

Nathalie pulled away immediately, stumbling a few steps back, “What on earth was that?”

From the look of her she seemed to think he had some weird obsession with himself so he rushed to clarify. “I thought, you know, it worked for the heroes before to break the effects of akumas?”

“Sir,” she was speaking to him very slowly like he was a child, and it sounded more condescending in his own voice, “You’re not in love with me. So that wouldn’t work.”

Her dismissal of him yet again annoyed him. He was going to fix this. And he was going to get Nathalie’s respect back.

…………

“I’m going to Adrien’s fencing match,” Nathalie announced.

“What? Why?”

“I promised him I would. It’s in the schedule.”

“For Nathalie.”

“I cleared yours too sir. You can come with us if you want.”

“I need to work out how to solve this not waste time placating Adrien. You go if you want.”

“I will.”

As he watched Adrien’s joyful smile on seeing what he thought was his father he realised uncomfortably that Adrien hadn’t smiled like that at him in he didn’t know how long.

Perhaps he could spare Adrien some more time.

……….

“I’ve come to a decision,” Gabriel announced.

“Yes?” Nathalie asked with a raised eyebrow, “Have you found a way to fix this sir?”

“What? No. I’m going to invent a better bra. I never realised it but there’s so many issues with current designs, the straps keep falling down, and the underwire is uncomfortable and,”

“Have you somehow got it on wrong? It’s never bothered me.”

“How would I have got it on wrong? I’m not stupid.” Although admittedly Nathalie probably adjusted herself more than Gabriel felt comfortable doing with his assistant’s body.

Nathalie frowned, and he almost mirrored her, he hadn’t realised he always looked this severe. “Maybe you just have a lower discomfort threshold than me sir.”

“That does seem to be the case yes,” because he’s struggling to get through the door past the aches and exhaustion that Nathalie has apparently been lying about not feeling.

…………

“I just don’t know what we’re going to do Nathalie,” he said as he relaxed back against her after she caught him after another coughing fit. He’d always felt utterly insufficient for what he could do for her afterwards and no seeing it he felt almost more so.

“We’ll fix this somehow sir,” she said, “I’m sorry it was me. I know if it had been Adrien or someone else you cared for this would have been much easier.”

He turned around, “What are you talking about? I can’t see how that would be easier at all.”

Because there was an obvious thing he could do to fix this at least and he couldn’t think what would be obvious in Adrien’s case.

Not that he could do the obvious thing so knowing it didn’t really help but….

…………..

Because he can’t pretend the toll this is taking on her isn’t obvious now. Not when he’s the one feeling it.

And the thing is. It’s not all the Peacock Miraculous either. If either of them could break this spell then Nathalie would have already done it a hundred times over.

She’s ready to lay down her life for him. She’s already risked her health and her freedom. This isn’t her job.

This is him being unfair.

And he’s never cared much for fairness. After all. Life isn’t. But it feels different with Nathalie. It rankles. He doesn’t want to be the one hurting her.

……………

“Are you going to send out an akuma sir?” Nathalie asked.

He shook his head, “Not like this.”

……………

He reached out to Emilie’s coffin and tried to ignore how much higher it was.

“I’m sorry Em,” he said, “I think I might be a very selfish man. Can you forgive me?”

Are you alive?

Is this a betrayal?

Or is it just recognising reality?

…………

“Adrien,” he said and his son looks up with worry for whatever Nathalie’s going to say he’s forgotten but there’s affection too, and there’s nothing he can say actually. Not as Nathalie. Not when he knows the opinions on the matter he’s wrongly allowed his son to have. “Don’t worry.”

Though if he does this then it’s not so wrongly.

………..

He still doesn’t like Adrien’s friends but as Nathalie he sees them more often and as he sees how his son changes as he sees how he becomes more like Emilie at her very best he has to revaluate some of the choices they’re made, and whether they’ve been stifling certain talents of Adrien’s.

………..

Nathalie didn’t say anything when he sees him transformed, but her eyes say it all.

“I thought it was quite striking,” he said of the Butterfly wing dress, wrapped around her body he was wearing.

“No,” she said, “it is sir, I’m just not sure it looks very suitable for fighting.”

“It’s not.” He agreed, but I’m not planning to fight. Give me your Miraculous Nathalie. I’m going to akumatise myself again.”

“With both of them?”

“No,” he laughed, “but I’ll want it after and I don’t want to fight you.”

“Sir,” Nathalie asked, “What are you doing?”

“Trust me.”

And she does.

………..

He felt it the moment the spell breaks. True his akumatised form is androgynous compared to his transformation under the Butterfly Miraculous’ powers but he’d known it has changed nonetheless.

And then Ladybug purified his akuma and he could see it has.

“M.Agreste?” Ladybug asked, “How did you get Hawk Moth and Mayura’s Miraculous?”

“I don’t know,” he said giving thanks for the effects of his akumas, “I don’t remember anything.”

Chat Noir was looking at him oddly, “did you fight Hawk Moth?”

“I think,” he said deciding he could afford this much to avoid the embarrassment of apparently losing to himself, “this was what Hawk Moth wanted me to do.”

……….

Nathalie greeted him at the door, “Are you alright?”

“Never better.” He confirmed.

She pulled him in shutting the door behind him, “You gave up.”

“I did.”

“It fixed us.”

“It did.”

“Then,” she still looked shell-shocked, “that means, you gave up for me?”

“It wasn’t entirely selfless,” he said, “I’m rather glad it worked despite that but Nooroo thought it would. But, I’m not sure I’m ready to confront what all of that means. Not while Emilie’s still,”

“I’ll be here when you are,” she said with a grounding clasp of her hand around his arm.

[my-writings-and-musings]

hello!! i am really really sorry if this sounds pushy or somethin but, will you ever publicly release that post swearth drabble you made?? i just curious

Today is actually the scheduled day, and on my partner's birthday no less, how fitting! Originally posted to my kofi for early access to supporters, now it's here for everyone!

Synopsis: Swerve and a human reader share a talk when he awakens after Swearth.

You were the first thing he thought about when he woke up, or so he would tell you later. Moments after he'd confessed how it was your touch, your tiny body clinging so tightly to him, that had welcomed him back to the land of the living. Apparently that had been the clue he needed to realize he wasn't dead.

It had been just you and him in the medical bay for hours following the... Swearth Incident, save for brief check ups from Velocity. The crew had given the two of you ample space and alone time once it was confirmed Swerve would soon awaken, both out of respect and to avoid the talk that would doubtless be needed between the two of you. There had been more than one occasion where you'd drifted off in the eternity it had taken for him to completely return to consciousness, your much smaller body protectively clinging to his beneath a blanket some unknown visitor had been kind enough to lay over you.

It seemed silly now, but you'd actually been angry when he'd come to so casually, yawning and rubbing his visor as if he was just waking from a nap. There'd been happiness as well, obviously, but you were still struggling too deeply to pretend everything was okay. Quite frankly, things had never been less okay between the two of you. 

Had you not been able to project down onto his fantasy world, joining the rescue party despite the copious limits of your biology, who was to say you'd have ever seen him awake again? He'd been hiding away in his room for months, dissuading you from visiting him by claiming there was "a huge mess that I'm too lazy to clean up"... Knowing that you weren't sure which hug had last been with his real self hurt more than you were ready to accept.

"Y/N...?"

Anger was briefly swallowed by a tsunami of relief when he sleepily murmured your name, his helm turning to let your face reflect on the newly polished surface of his visor, where your tear slicked expression dissapeared as you hugged him as securely as his broad shoulders allowed. 

"I thought I'd lost you..."

A knot in your throat prevented any further words from tumbling out, but the sobs that started to shake your whole body conveyed your thoughts just as well, sending a surge of hot tears splashing against his chest. Arms thicker than you wrapped gently about your smaller body, as calmly as if he were comforting you after a nightmare. A slight tremble in his grip made you hiccup in despair, your experience with his rather frequent hugs telling you the exhaustion from his still recent brush with death was still weighing him down, as ordinarily he would hold you like a lifeline for even the most casual embrace. Too many terrible things were finally registering as real far too quickly for you to process them all.

"I thought... when they called me into the medical bay..." You lost the tirade you'd been saving up to a storm of long buried grief. The memory of that call would forever haunt you, and now it was so recent the words were still burning in your ears, even though they'd been delivered so carefully... Agony from the sight of a familiar body lying broken on a medical slab made you nauseous, enough that only his increasingly desperate hug kept you grounded enough not to puke. Words poured forth in a cracked whisper, all the fear you'd been holding back for his sake rushing out of you without restraint, and interrupted only by an occasional hiccup or sob. "First Aid said you had days... That we'd been talking to a hologram for months, while you... you..."

The servos holding you tight maneuvered you to look him in the visor, keeping you in a loose hug while he put on what was probably intended to be a reassuring smile, though it failed to convince. "Hey, it was no big deal! Just my old shoulder wound playing up!"

"No big deal?" you repeated incredulously. A full body wince beneath you made it seem as if the words had physically hurt him, and while your heart ached as it always did when he was in pain, your other feelings could no longer be contained. He needed help for the suffering he'd endured in private, but in doing what he'd done you had nearly lost the one you cherished more than anything in the galaxy. You couldn't be expected to just let that go. 

"You nearly died! You were dying for months!" you said, disbelief still strong at the very idea. The bot you'd adored had been dying in secret with no symptoms, making it impossible to truly believe he was okay in this moment either. It seemed as if he might crumble beneath you at the slightest movement, but you kept talking, refusing to be quiet. "No one knew, not even me, that you were wasting away while we thought everything was fine! I didn't know! How many times did you hold me, or tell me you wanted to be together forever, while you..."

Sobs made it impossible to breathe, and therefore impossible to talk. 

"Y/N, I'm sorry..." Swerve said, softer than he'd ever been before. Careful servos pulled in your crying body against his and stroked your shaking shoulders, allowing you to vent everything you'd been enduring. Whether it took moments or hours before you were mostly quiet, he didn't interrupt you for anything, and he was silent until you were and he spoke again. "I never wanted to hurt anyone... I never wanted to hurt you... I... I didn't even know how bad of shape I was in."

"But you knew you were lying." you said, getting back to the core of the problem. Awareness of his condition mattered far less in the face of what he'd known and kept on doing. Though he did flinch yet again, Swerve didn't deflect this point, and instead nodded glumly in agreement. 

"That... yeah, I did."

"To everyone." you emphasized, pushing for an answer in regards to why. Not a single soul on the ship had known what was happening, until it was almost too late. Had Skids not acted so quickly and carried his friend to the medical bay directly... You made a mental note to thank him later, then returned to the present when the minibot in question finally looked ready to really talk. 

Taking more than a few starting vents, he finally got his thoughts gathered and his nerves primed, but every single word was unnaturally heavy. "It... it really didn't seem like a big deal. You were the only one who ever wanted to see me, in my own place, but it felt like I was doing you a favor..." Swallowing hard, he managed something like a smile and tried to sound reassuring, even if only to himself. "We still got to talk and everything else!"

There was too much to sort through in his partial explanation, thus you only stared. You'd always known he had issues when it came to self worth, but to hear him say teetering on the edge of death was no big deal? That by ridding you of himself he was doing you a favor? It wasn't something you could really wrap your brain around, but you supposed that wasn't important at the moment, not compared to what still needed to be done. There were more questions to be asked.

"You're hurting, and that's... I know you'd never try to hurt me, but you did. I want you to feel better, and I'll help, but I have to ask..." you said softly, finding the strength only as you came to each individual word to continue. Swerve showed in his braced expression that he anticipated something heavy was coming, a question he really didn't want to answer, but he didn't do anything to stop you.

"Y/N..."

Trying not to cry but still hiccuping, you forced yourself to keep looking in his visor. This wasn't supposed to be easy, after all, you repeated in your head as you finally croaked out the question. "Did you think about me at all? What this would do to me? Did you really think I wouldn't care?"

Something within him, something physical, seemed to break quickly and painfully. You felt it in how he flinched his much larger body as you lay curled over him. The unique way his visor light sputtered when he was hit with deep emotion told you he was reeling, and in that moment you forgot all about the complexities of the situation.

"I... I didn't-" he choked out on a sob, vents pulling air back and forth quickly in the Cybertronian equivalent of breathless crying. Heart breaking, you registered in some deep part of your brain that a dam he'd been relying on had just cracked.  Embracing his helm against your chest, you gently stroked his cheek, whispering his nickname to try and convey your support.

"Swervy..."

Clipped by sobs, his words tumbled out mostly coherently, and you held him as they did. "I r-really thought you could... could do better. I'm just h-holding you back and... and if I wasn't there... but I couldn't make myself stop seeing you!" A few hard sobs stopped him for a good minute, at which point your shirt began to dampen with his tears. What you were hearing had been simmering for ages, and as much as it hurt to hear, you knew just letting it out was progress. That didn't make it any easier to listen as he continued... 

"The holo... it was s-slow and made it like... like I was saving us both from hurt by slipping away. I didn't have to end things, we could pull back bit by bit and then... then you'd find someone better... but I didn't pull back at all, did I? I even made a second you, because I'm too selfish-"

You couldn't let him finish that thought. "Stop. No more of that."

Swerve looked surprised at your firmness, and admittedly had reason to feel as such. Swearth had included a holomatter of you already, albeit one that lived completely separate from his split personas... It had been you in the simplest, happiest of ways, living your dream life on his fictional escape from reality. Clearly he expected you to still be furious at what had only made you sad.

"B-but I ruined everyt-thing! If I'd just been brave enough to break up with you before-" 

"I don't want you to break up with me!" you cried, lifting your upper body to look down at him. Emotions raged inside you with enough ferocity to make you tremble, and for an instant you had to gather yourself. You'd known he was suffering, that he struggled with inadequacy, but for it to have gotten so bad? How had you not known he felt like this? 

Swerve looked absolutely baffled at your words, as if he'd heard you wrong or misunderstood. "But... I-"

"I love you! Even if there's some voice in your head that won't let you believe it, it's true! I want to be with you, and even after all this I still do!" you insisted, holding onto him as if he might vanish in a flash like before. Unable to stop yourself from crying at the raw emotions you didn't have the ability to handle, you wiped away the tears on the back of your arm, fighting to keep talking despite the pain. He had to know how you really felt, and if this moment was the only one you could break through to him you were going to use it. His cheeks were hot in your hands as you cupped his face. "I just need you to work on getting better! No more hiding, or lying, or any of that, I want you to be with me as you, because that's who I fell in love with!"

Swerve was totally silent, his little dentae gap showing between his slightly parted lips as he stared at you. His feelings were beyond guessing, but you were growing exhausted, too much to even hope you could keep this up. Sniffling, you laid back down over him. The frame beneath you was warm and alive, but just that morning it had been... he'd been so close to leaving you. Then again, he'd felt fine all the times you'd held him in the prior months, how did you know this was any different?

"I want to be with you. The real you. I don't know how to be sure this you is real either..." 

Exhaustion dragged you down against him, and you lost the ability to even lift your head as it all seemed to sink in. You hadn't wanted to make this about yourself, but your pain was just too intense to shove aside. Tears, more than you knew you had, continued to fall onto his chest. As they dripped onto the newly cleaned armor, you felt him suddenly shift beneath you. Curling up partway, he scooped you up completely in his arms and hugged you close.

"It's me this time, babe. A hundred percent. I k-know it's hard to believe that, but I... I want to help you trust me." he said, shaky but firm as he made his promise. For all the hours you'd spent listening to him you'd never once heard him use such a tone. There was conviction in the depths of his visor as he held you close, tapping his forehead against your forehelm. While you could also see pain, there was a desire to fight it now. His request for help came on a quiet murmur. "I don't know how to do that, but I don't wanna hurt anymore..."

"I can help with that. Not all by myself, but I'll be here for you as long as you try." you vowed, stumbling over your words as you found them. There was a strange solace in the idea, as if planning your recovery together was healing in and of itself. Too relieved to care, you pressed your face into his cheek. The faintest hint of his usual scent; sweet energon blends and brews, was still apparent beneath the sterile medical air. It soothed you as you allowed yourself to rest on top of him. "From now on, no more hiding this stuff. We're gonna get you feeling better, I promise."

"I love you..." Swerve whispered, hopefully but tentatively. A lifetime of doubt wouldn't just dissapear after one massive event, you knew that, but the start was good enough for you. Kissing his tear stained cheek, you held him close, hoping your unconditional love was clear in every word. It would be a journey, but you hoped someday he'd understand how much you meant it.

"I love you too, Swervey. Always will."

[sapphirelass]

I’ll be by your side - Remus LupinxDaughter

Hi!! Wooow I’m a slow writer XD To be fair though, I am graduating in June, so there’s...quite a lot to do. Anyhow, this is part 3 of my imagine deal? so I’d recommend reading that one and part two first. Remus is my favourite HP character, so this mainly focuses on the relationship between him and his daughter, but I guess it’s slight HarryxOC as well ;)

Deal? (Part 1) | Oh, darling... (Part 2) | I’ll be by your side (Part 3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note:

1: I don’t own any of the gifs used, nor any already established characters, so credit to the authors and original creators - You have done a phenomenal job :)

2: English is not my native language, as I was born and raised in Sweden. I have, however, studied English for almost a decade, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem, I just thought I’d let you know ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word count: ≈ 2200

Warnings: Battle of Hogwarts, Angst, Blood, Death :(

Enjoy! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But, dad! You can’t go yourself and then expect me not to come along!”

“Yes, Bree, I can, and I will!”

He was desperate to go join the rest of the Order, and searched frantically for his old coat.

“Bu-”

“Darling, listen, this is not your fight, okay? You’re staying with Tonks and Teddy this time, and I’ll-”

She had grabbed his coat and was holding it behind her back, out of her father’s reach.

“DAD!!”

Remus stopped for a moment and took a proper look at his daughter for the first time since receiving the message about the upcoming battle.

“Look, I’m seventeen years old. I’m an adult now, and most of my younger friends are fighting. There’s literally no reason for me not to!”

“There is a perfectly good reason and you know that! Besides, your age is completely irrelevant! It wouldn’t matter if you were fifteen or seventeen, twenty or thirty, I don’t want you fighting!”

His voice was stern, which admittedly wasn’t too uncommon, but it lacked the normal comedic undertone and not even a ghost of a smile could be seen on his face. This did make Breanna feel quite uncomfortable, but she was not giving up. She couldn’t leave everyone else and just sit quietly on the sidelines. Surely he understood that, right?

“Well, I’m sorry, but it’s not your choice to make. I know you don’t like it, but I’m going.”

She gave her father his coat and picked a jumper for herself, but stopped abruptly when approaching the front door. Remus had stepped in front of her, and pulled her into a tight hug.

“Please, darling… I can’t have you injured again - or worse! Stay.”

“Dad, I promised you two years ago that I would pick my fights more wisely. We made a deal. And I am choosing this one.”

“Breanna, it’s not the same! Seeing you hurt back then caused me more pain than you could possibly imagine, but this will be worse. Far worse. An-”

“Don’t you think I know that?” It wasn’t her intention to snap at him, but they didn’t have time for this argument. People were waiting. “I know it’s for real this time, it most definitely was two weeks ago, but I honestly thought you would have more faith in me. I’m not five, okay?!”

“Bree, don-”

She pulled out of his embrace, tied her shoes and apparated. Leaving him in the middle of an argument like that broke her heart. She knew the chances of them both making it out alive were low, unharmed close to none. They did, however, not have a choice. There was no time to waste. Voldemort could be attacking the castle this very moment, and Harry, Dumbledore’s army and the rest of the Order would need all the help they could get…

~~~

Breanna ran down the stairs, desperately searching for any familiar faces, and eventually spotted one she had really longed to see.

“Harry!!”

He turned at the sound of his name and smiled - really smiled - when their eyes met. They weren’t more than a few feet away from each other, and it didn’t take long before they met in the middle.

“Bree! You alright?” They hugged each other tightly and enjoyed the feeling of safety, if only for a few seconds. “What happened to your arm?”

She followed his gaze and found her sleeve torn and shoulder covered in blood. It wasn’t too bad though, she hadn’t even noticed it before Harry pointed it out.

“I-I don’t know, it’s fine. How are you feeling?”

He looked down at her and used a bloodied and scarred hand to push some of her hair behind her ear. He wanted to say “fine”, but it would have been a lie.

“Scared”, he admitted, “But also ready. Let’s finish this, once and for all?”

She nodded. “You’re right! How can I help?”

“Well, some people are trying to evacuate all the younger students through the room of requirement, think you could lend them a hand?”

“Sure! Good luck Harold, see you!”

He shook his head at the nickname, but smiled nonetheless.

“Right, good luck. And Bree?”

“Yeah?”

“Stay alive, will you?”

“I’ll do my best on one condition.”

“Hmm?”

“You do the same”

He gave her a nod before continuing up the stairs.

“And Harry, we don’t have time for the full story, but if you run into my dad, let him know I’m sorry, will you?”

~~~

Sure, Breanna loved Hogwarts, it was her second home, but this was proper chaos! Most of the younger kids were finally safe, but the battle was far from won. There were death eaters everywhere. She stumbled behind suit of armor, narrowly avoiding a flash of red light, and suddenly remembered something her dad had said the other night:

“It is the quality of one's convictions that determines success, not the number of followers”

She knew it was meant to work as motivation, but thinking about it now just made her feel sad. How could she be so stupid? She fought her way through the corridors, but after turning a corner, she found herself facing an empty hallway. A chill went down her spine as the booming voice of Lord Voldemort could be heard all throughout the grounds. He was ordering his followers to back down, hoping to get Harry to come directly to him. Great! Now she had two people to find before it was too late...

~~

Entering the great hall this time felt nothing like it had almost seven years ago. There were people everywhere. Students, teachers, children, former graduates and parents - all in this together, mourning, comforting and healing.

Breanna would have noticed Fred Weasley surrounded by the rest of his family. Neville and Oliver Wood carefully moving Colin Creevey out of the way. She would have seen all of them, had it not been for a certain old, brown coat in her peripheral vision.

Her world fell apart, she found herself unable to breathe and didn’t realize she had sprinted towards her father before she felt two, strong arms wrap around her. Breanna struggled and tried to push them away, but didn’t have enough strength to do so. She crumpled to the ground and was pulled into a tight embrace.

“Bree…”, a soft voice mumbled. “I’m so sorry. Can you try to breathe slower, please? Deep and easy, alright.”

She realized that someone was speaking to her, but she didn’t recognize the words. They held no meaning, almost as if he spoke a different language, or stood very far away. Breanna eventually stopped hyperventilating and tried to ease the shaking as she slowly turned to check who it was, sitting with his arms around her. Her eyes met a pair of emerald green ones.

“Harry.”, she whispered, still crying but trying to keep her focus on him. There was so much more she would have wanted to say, but she was unable to find the right words. “Please tell me.... Tell me he’s no-...”

“‘m sorry”

They sat for a few minutes before Harry picked a small vial from his pocket and asked if she’d be okay.

“Bree, I’m sorry, but I have to go. It’s not over yet.”

She took a deep breath.

“It’s fine, I get it. Go. I’d love a moment alone anyways.”

~~~

She sat by her father’s side for a while, but felt unable to look at him, not wanting to fully accept the reality of the situation. It was when the fifth person came up to her to give their condolences that she got up and left the great hall. She couldn’t take it, and besides, it should be fine. The death eaters had left.

She walked the familiar path towards the Gryffindor common room, but nothing seemed... real. It felt like a nightmare, only this time she couldn’t talk it through with her dad over a cup of tea. This time, nobody would be there to convince her it was just a bad dream.

This time, no one would wake her up…  

The very moment that thought crossed her mind, a dark chuckle shattered the otherwise eerie silence.

“Avada kedavra”

She barely had time to register Antonin Dolohov with his wand pointed in her direction before an intense flash of green light caused her world to go dark.

This time, she wouldn’t wake up.

~~~

*Darkness*

*A flicker of light*

*A flicker of... hope*

*Warmth?*

~~~

It was a weird feeling. She didn’t feel happy, but rather… at peace. She sat up slowly and let her eyes adjust to the brightness as two voices simultaneously asked:

“Bree?!”

She turned around and found herself face to face with a rather tall, red haired wizard, and a slightly older man with longer brown hair.

“Fred? Sirius?”

Fred skipped over and held out his hand, helping his younger friend to her feet. He immediately noticed her dried tears and pulled her into a tight embrace. Sirius remained a few feet away with a pained expression on his face, but was unable to stay quiet for long.

“What happened?”

Breanna pulled away and met her godfather’s worried gaze.

“I… It’s my fault. I thought all the Death Eaters had left the castle. They were waiting for Harry in the forbidden forest and I just needed some air...”

“Did Harry go?”

A couple Breanna had only seen in pictures, but knew to be James and Lily Potter, had appeared behind Sirius.

“I’m not sure. He left for Dumbledore’s office about fifteen minutes earlier. I’m sorry I didn’t even try to stop him but, with all due respect, he would have gone anyways. It’s impossible to change his mind once he decides on something.”

To her surprise, none of Harry’s parents looked very worried, but shared a smile instead.

“Don’t worry, Breanna.”, said Lily gently, “He’ll know what to do when the time comes.”

“You’ve both come so far”, added James, “Things will be fine in the end, and if they’re not fine, then it’s not the end.”

“I hope you’re both right…”, she mumbled quietly, “sorry, but is dad…?”

James smiled sadly and nodded before turning to call his old friend over, however Sirius got there first.

“Oi! Moony! Get over ‘ere.”

Remus had been discussing something not too far away, and Sirius’ comment made him chuckle as he approached the other marauders.

“Easy, Pads, you make it sound li-”

That was all he had time for, as two arms wrapped themselves tightly around his torso. He would have known who it was even without looking. He’d recognize that hug anywhere. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry, but all it took was one word.

one. single. word.

“Dad!”

A single word before hot, salty tears filled his eyes. It wasn’t possible!? He was completely lost for words. Didn’t know how to react, what to say or what to do. He just stood there, his arms wrapped around his only daughter, unable to process the fact that she was… dead. They both were.

“Dad, I’m so so so sorry! I shouldn’t have shouted, I shouldn’t have taken my anger or fear out on you and above all I shouldn’t have left!?! I… I..”

“Bree”

“And now Teddy won’t have his father-”

“Bree!!”

“And I swear I tried to find you, but I couldn’t and then it was too late and it’s all my fault a-”

“Breanna Lupin!!!”

She fell silent but didn’t let go.

“I’m s-”

“Darling, calm down! What’s done is done, alright. I still wish you hadn’t gone, especially given the apparent outcome, but I understand. Are you okay? Nothing broken?”

“No, I’m good, actually… Nothing hurts at all, but-”

“Good!” He pulled away and put his hands on her shoulders. “Would you mind letting me in on what happened?”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, not really wanting to talk about the last few hours, yet knowing she owed her father that much.

“I… I entered the great hall and saw… you. I don’t quite know what happened, I just… broke. Then Harry showed up and we just hugged, I guess?”

Lily and James looked at each other and smiled.

“Then we both left and Dolohov appeared out of nowhere and… well that’s that.”

Remus shook his head sadly, immediately understanding the true meaning of his daughter’s words. HE was duelling Dolohov earlier that night. HE lost that duel. Had he won then maybe, possibly, she would still be alive too. His fault... as always

“Remus? Rem?”, James mumbled, putting an arm around his friend’s shoulders, “It’s not your fault. You tried, and that’s the best either of us can do.”

~~~

Things didn’t go according to plan, but perhaps they were the way they were always meant to be.

Her body next to her fathers, as they rested peacefully in the great hall. Her soul next to her father, as they wandered through the deep valleys of Nangijala, awaiting the day lost friends and lovers would come join them. No matter in this life or in the next;

I’ll be by your side

~ L

Masterlist

[sonicallysos]

we can’t do this

Book: Open Heart

Warning: one or two swears, lots of angst. Rating: General Pairing: Ethan x F!MC Word Count: 2500+ Author’s note: Sequel to ‘denial’. I’d advise you to read the first part here before reading this to avoid any confusion. More notes about this fic is in my reblog.  While you’re at it, take a look at my masterlist!

“We wish you a merry Christmas...”

The words trailed off her lips, almost soft enough to be drowned out by the sound of her boots crunching against the snow. It was uncharacteristically quiet for her.

Her hand lightly brushed against the railing next to her, quickly retracting back when her nerves registered the low temperature of the surface. The sudden movement made a lump of snow that had previously sat calmly on top of the railing to fall to the ground before her feet.

Another clump fell, this time many meters further, the sound of it meeting the river below the bridge where she stood disrupted the short period of calmness that washed over her for the first time in quite a while.

The cold was starting to numb her fingers, making them feel stiff and frozen; though she was more distracted by the fallen snow that had unsurprisingly seeped through the thin layer of clothes she was wearing, which were now painfully scrubbing against her clammy skin.

“...we wish you a merry Christmas…”

The sky hung above her like a blackout curtain, the stars nearly invisible behind a thick layer of clouds. Surroundings only dimly illuminated by the faulty streetlights that lined either side of the road, she focused her vision on the small clouds of air that escaped her mouth with each shuddering breath in between each line of the song.

The song wouldn’t, couldn’t leave her mind, always lingering at the back of her head, even though Christmas was long over. If one would consider a week long, that is.

She paused longer this time before continuing the next line. Bringing her soaked sleeve to her face and rubbing her stinging eyes, she tried to clear her vision from the tears she’d been struggling more and more to hold back the further she strayed from the city.

“...we wish you a merry Christmas…”

She leaned against the metal bars in front of her, the only things preventing her from plunging into the rushing river below.

Amid the peaceful environment she isolated herself in, she could hear the sound of the people in their homes not too far away. The cheers and celebrations from the people celebrating the new year with friends, family, the people they love.

Imagining it like it was taking place right in front of her eyes, she saw how everyone stood close together, bright sparklers in one hand, bubbling champagne in the other. She swore she could hear their laughter and drunken giggles. She smiled as she thought of them shamelessly slurring their favourite songs at the top of their lungs next to the old karaoke machine they only got out of the closet for times like these, her favourite times.

But she wasn’t them. Hell, she wasn’t even the one awkwardly lingering at the corner of the room, envious of all the fun everyone else was having with their friends but too afraid to join in. No, she was standing there, in the cold, with nobody by her side.

Tugging on the green leather jacket, the only thing she brought with her, she brought it closer to her chest. She was sure that it was the one thing she could never bring herself to let go of. It was the one thing of his that she still held on to, and yet it still failed to protect her, to give her warmth, a tiny feeling of not being so alone in the numbing weather. She laughed at the irony of that damn jacket being the polar opposite of what he was to her.

A glance at the watch on her wrist that was half-hidden by her sleeve told her that it was 23:54, 6 minutes until midnight, a point in time that symbolised a new beginning for so many people, but was just yet another moment that had lost its spark to her.

“...and a happy...new...year…”

Her voice gave in, barely managing to pronounce those 5 little words, and her legs soon followed.

With her back now turned to face the barrier, she let herself slide down as slowly and gently as her jittery legs would allow--which admittedly, wasn’t a lot anymore. She more or less plummeted into the snow on the rough floor beneath her soles. And though her breath was caught in her throat for a moment as she felt the full extent of her body’s impact on the bitter cold, there wasn’t any movement to indicate she was getting up anytime soon.

A tear fell from her eyes. She didn’t feel it, she didn’t feel a lot, but she could still register that it was hot in contrast to the seemingly never-ending shower of snow that slowly fell on and around her. Another tear slipped out and she mindlessly watched as tear after tear dripped down her cheeks and fell onto the thick bed of snow.

Before she knew it, her face felt warmer than before, the wet tracks down her face warming her despite the sobs that shook her body more than the cold ever had. She shut her eyes as tightly as her weakening body would allow her, it was a desperate attempt to stop and she knew it. And so she let go. She let the shaking and the sobs and the cold take over, letting her legs go limp and fully enclose themselves in the snow, her hands fell to her side instead of tightly clenching them inside her pockets. She let herself be exposed to whatever poor soul was roaming the streets on the outskirts of town at that time of the night and had the displeasure of witnessing the in the state she was in.

Bells rang loudly in the air, signalling the start of the new year. The formerly pitch-black sky behind her was now filled with the loud and colourful explosions in the form of New Year fireworks. She didn’t want to start the new year just yet, still too caught up in everything that happened last year. She only wished she could turn back time.

The last time she saw him was bad, horrible, but that feeling wasn’t as bad as the one she was feeling right now.

The last time she saw him was...so long ago. At least that’s what it felt like. In reality, something she wasn’t too sure she was even apart of anymore, it had barely been half a year, yet it felt like an eternity ago.

As the fireworks died out, so did she. It was like the memories of him were slowly moving past her along with the previous year.

She started walking back to Donahue’s, simultaneously the best and worst place for her to be headed at that moment. On one hand, everyone was there, all her friends, colleagues, and superiors from edenbrook were at the local bar ringing in the new year. It had become somewhat of a tradition, the forever busy doctors came together and were a family for that blissful little period of time, drinking, chatting, dancing the night away. She smiled at the thought of her friends making fools of themselves and being as rowdy as can be.

It was a long way back into town, but the freezing weather and the adrenaline and numbness wearing off were a more than helpful incentive for her to hurry into the packed establishment and warm herself with the burning feeling of all sorts of alcohol sliding down the back of her throat.

By the time she walked in, her tears had dried and she managed to conjure up as convincing of a smile as a person who had just broken down at the side of the road could. Her friends welcomed her with open arms and shot glasses full of questionable liquids, minds not focused enough to wonder and ask why she had only stumbled in well after the clock had struck twelve, much like an opposite-cinderella.

It was just after 1:45 in the morning. Of the 8 that were originally there, only her and Sienna were left, the others had gone back home not too long ago but Sienna insisted on staying with her.

She had been silent for a while now, unlike the rest of the bar. Many patrons had gone but the ones that were left looked to be far from it. She sat silently as Sienna told stories about almost anything, she had been loosely paying attention. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested, she really was, but her night hadn’t been the most celebratory.

It wasn’t looking like the night could get worse than it already had, but then the door opened, the bell at the top ringing and the swoosh of the door closing behind them clear. The same couldn’t be said for the countless drunk Bostonians who had come and gone throughout the night.

A few seconds passed and firm footsteps cut through the chatter of the crowd before her intoxicated mind had registered that someone walked in, and it took even longer for her to look up and realise that he had walked in.

It was barely half a second after it dawned on her that it was actually him that had just entered her line of sight and not another one of those dream scenarios she experienced in the weeks after he left.

In the haze of the moment, she wasn’t sure who looked over first but they had caught each other’s eye. She swore she saw him physically stop in his tracks and freeze up at the sight of her, and suddenly she felt more intoxicated than she had been all night, like she got high just off the sight of him, if that made any sense.

It was like the most cliche fairytale dream she had ever seen; the room seemed to fade away and a spotlight shined down on the two of them, like two lost lovers reunited at last. And if she were honest, that’s all she hoped for, to be in that situation where she could run into his arms, his only-for-her warm embrace that she couldn’t get enough of, and just melt into him after being apart for so long.

Instead, she settled for staying put and pretending like her mind wasn’t racing, with the exception of the glances she sneaked in when she thought he wasn’t looking. But as her luck would have it, he was, every single time.

Sienna got up to leave, advising her to at the very least say a friendly goodbye to him before she left, if nothing else. She reluctantly nodded her head. Thinking she had everyone fooled that she was fine after he left was a stretch, especially when it came to Sienna Trinh. It was almost like she had a sixth sense for spotting it.

She stood up and walked over to the bar, careful to steer her vision away from where he sat at the very end of the bar, a glass of his usual top-shelf whiskey in his palms. Ordering one last drink before she faced her fears, she walked over to him, looking in his direction but not quite meeting his eye.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” he replied in his usual toneless voice.

“Let’s sit over there,” she said, “I’d like to talk.”

He nodded, following her to an empty corner booth at the very back, almost fully secluded from the rest of the room.

They walked, sat down, and stared at each other in silence, unsure of what to say to the other.

“You went away for what? A month or two?” She lied, she knew exactly how long it had been. Hell, if she really concentrated, she probably knew it down to the second.

“Something along the lines of that, I can’t really remember,” he lied too. The guilt that was constantly eating away at him made it damn near impossible for him to forget.

That voice, his goddamned voice. It felt so good to hear his voice again, like it set off delayed New Year’s fireworks inside of her, and the bastard didn’t have the slightest clue that he had that kind of effect on her.

She let out something of a cross between a laugh and a scoff. Ethan, not being able to hear her inner thoughts, furrowed his brows and his hands started fidgeting, inching closer to her glass, concerned that she had drunk a little too much.

Lost in her own thoughts about him, she almost didn’t hear him when he finally broke the silence hanging eerily in the air between them.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I miss you too,” she replied back, almost too quickly.

Surpassing any expectations she held regarding what would happen when he walked in, he hastily leaned over the table separating them and pressed his lips against hers. Her body tensed at first, but eventually returned the kiss.

Are you kidding me? Her head practically screamed at her internally. That was all it took? For him to say that he misses her and just like that she’d forgive him and forget about everything that had happened that past year?

Finally making a logical decision, she pulled back, drawing in a breath from the loss of contact despite being the cause of it.

“Ethan,” she breathed out, all the air suddenly disappearing from her lungs, “we can’t do this.”

The look of hurt and pain that showed on his face almost made her want to take back what she had just said, but she knew better than that, “I can’t do this. Not after everything that’s happened.”

“Rookie…” He trailed off in a pleading tone.

“I begged you,” she recalled that dreadful moment in time, forever branded into her memories.

“I’m sorry. Please, I-”

“Why did you leave me?” She said bluntly despite her quivering lips and watering eyes.

“They needed my help an-” he tried to make things better, soothe her conscience, and at the same time his too.

“Why did you leave me?” Never in a million years did she ever think that Ethan Ramsey, world-renowned internal medicine doctor, would have commitment fucking issues.

She had hoped. She wasn’t religious but she hoped to god that he would be different with her, that it would be different with him, that it would be different despite him. It never did happen, no matter how much she tried to convince herself that it did. Maybe that’s why she had broken down that much after he left, because it meant that they weren’t good enough, that she wasn’t good enough for him to want to stay and try, maybe that’s why she couldn’t bear to risk it by being together with him again.

Maybe that’s why she stood up and cupped the now tearful Ethan’s face in her hands and placed a parting kiss on his lips, as he had done the same for her so long ago, muttering a soft apology and a soulful goodbye. Then she let go. She let her arm drop back down to her side and walked out while she was still thinking clearly enough to not go back on the promises she made to herself.

[marveloussupernerd]

Wedding Gifts - Jumin Han

Y’all I’m so sorry this isn’t gender neutral :( but I planned this out and it’s very specifically fem MC I’m sorry if that’s a disappointment! If it is, send a request my way and I’ll work something up for you :)

Summary: On the day of your wedding, Jumin finds out you don’t have a something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

The day had finally come. Admittedly, you hadn’t been dating for that long before you and Jumin got engaged, nor did you spend too long in your state of engangement; Jumin was eager to get married to you, and the same went for you.

He wanted you to feel like a princess. The custom wedding dress from a prominent fashion designer, the hair and makeup team, somebody in to do your nails, Jaehee getting paid three times her hourly wage to help out with the big day (in addition to her being a bridesmaid) he had everything in check.

Once your hair and makeup was done, you heard a knock at the door. You sent your maid of honor over to make sure it wasn’t Jumin, and in sauntered Zen, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. “Happy wedding day!” He cheered. You stood up from your spot to pull him in for a hug. He set the bouquet down very gently. “You look stunning. Maybe you can make silver spoon speechless for once.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Although Zen and Jumin were closer now, that didn’t stop Zen from constantly poking fun at your fiancée. “You wanna see the dress?” You asked, leading him toward the door where it hung from.

His jaw dropped. “It’s really nice. I mean, I’m not surprised he’d get the best of the best for you but... wow, it’s really nice.” He brushed his hair off his shoulder. “You’re gonna look great. Everything’s gonna go perfectly.”

“I hope so,” you muttered, eyeing the dark clouds out the window. You surely hoped it wouldn’t rain, as your ceremony was outside.

“Hey, where’s your something blue?”

“My what?” You asked, turning to face Zen.

“You know... something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. It’s like the foundation of the bride’s outfit.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s just a superstition,” you huffed. You hadn’t even thought of that, but it was nothing to stress yourself out about. Today would be perfect.

He laughed. “I’m sure you’re right. Say, you’ve got his present you wanted me to deliver?” He asked, holding out a hand. Right, that was why you called him here in the first place. You had gotten Jumin a pair of socks (in case he got cold feet) and wrote him a cute little note. You were certain he was nervous, and something from you would definitely help. You grabbed the white box and handed it to Zen.

“Tell him I can’t wait to see him,” you added, a cheeky grin on your face. You were counting down the minutes until you could get married. Unfortunately, you still had a little over an hour, but it was getting pretty close.

“I will. You keep getting ready. You’re gonna look great,” he smiled, giving you a reassuring wink before heading out.

You hadn’t meant to have gotten ready this quickly. Fortunately, Jumin had sent in a pianist to play some music for you and your bridesmaids to pass the time. You let your eyes close, sipping on your glass of water (no drinking yet, you wanted to remember every second of the night), and allowing the anxiety to wash past you.

Another knock. “Special delivery!” Zen called, entering the room with a canvas bag. He plopped it in front of you with a sideways grin. “I shouldn’t be surprised. He got these for you, wants you to open them before you go out there.”

“Zen! You only have twenty minutes. You better start getting ready,” you exclaimed, eyeing his jeans and baggy t-shirt. Upon this realization, his eyes widened and he fled the scene.

You had to get into your dress pretty soon, but you’d open the gift first. A letter on top.

My love,

I’ve heard from Zen that you forgot to get your “something old, something new,” etc. Truth be told I didn’t know it was a tradition until about an hour ago. Of course, it is just a superstition, but I want to ensure absolutely nothing could go wrong today. So, I’ve collected some items for you. I hope you enjoy them.

Your soon to be husband,

Jumin Han

You let out a laugh. You couldn’t help it. It was no surprise Jumin would worry about something like this. There were four boxes. You picked one at random, excited to see what he had picked out for you. You were surprised to see only a letter in the box.

Something new: your wedding dress, custom made for you and I’s wedding.

Simple enough, and a valid choice. He had spent how much money on that dress? He told you not to think about the number so you stopped yourself. Anyways, that would be your something new.

The next box you opened had a letter and underneath, a pair of sapphire drop earrings that looked vaguely familiar.

Something blue: a pair of sapphire earrings. I had Assistant Kant find out what earrings you had planned to wear today and get the same style but with a sapphire. I hope you do not mind the change. I tried to keep it as close to your original plan as possible.

He was so over the top and extra. Nothing surprised you anymore. Points to Jaehee for figuring out what earrings they were and somehow acquiring a sapphire version in less than an hour. She’s superhuman, you’re convinced.

Next present! This one also only had a letter in it.

Something old: your grandmother’s ring. I recall when we attended the first RFA party together, you told me about your grandmother’s engagement ring and how you wear it to every special event so that she can be there with you. I’m certain you’ll be wearing it today and she will be watching over us.

You couldn’t help but feel your eyes water. You had so wanted for her to meet Jumin. It had been years and years since she passed, but she had been tour best friend: nobody could replace her. You vowed to take her ring to all your events so that a part of her would be with you. It made you feel special and comforted. You looked down at your right hand, the ring on your middle finger and smiled. He was right, as always. He truly did know everything about you.

You took a glance at the final box, giving it a light shake and hearing something rattle. You opened it to find a letter and... what was that?

Something borrowed: My Love, I struggled with this one. Believe it or not, Assistant Kang did not have any appropriate accessories for a bride to donate to the cause. Zen offered to give you his belt, but how would that have helped? It was quite a frustrating turn of events. Finally, V noticed that we could use Yoosung’s hair clips. Hopefully they can be incorporated into your updo (as Zen claims you have) to help keep it secure. Unfortunately, Yoosung’s hair will be out of place, but to promise order and love in our relationship for the rest of time, he was willing to make such a sacrifice.

You giggled, imagining Yoosung in his suit with his hair all in front of his face. You considered sliding the pins into your hair on your own, but decided against it when you realized how quickly you could ruin the style. The hair stylist incorporated them so that they peaked out but did not stand out. It was perfect. Your next step was getting into the dress. The way it flattered your body perfectly, flowing at the exact right length (Jumin had all your measurements memorized at this point, so custom ordering was simple), it was stunning. You put in your earrings and looked over your reflection in the mirror.

One more ring would change it all. A simple, single wedding band would change you from yourself, a typical person living the average life, to the spouse of a millionaire, director of a large company. To the parent of a cat, the parent to kids someday, to somebody’s other half. And you couldn’t wait.

[quicksilversquared]

The Substitute Ladybug: Chapter 10

After Lila takes things too far and Marinette ends up with a broken leg, Paris is going to have to deal with a different superhero arrangement for a bit. Having to share her superhero identity with her parents before Hawkmoth can be defeated isn’t something that Marinette had planned on doing, but- well, it might end up being a bit of a blessing in disguise.

links in the reblog

It seemed like the final week was stretching on forever. She was so close to getting her cast off, and yet each day inched by, time slowing down as if to prolong her time before the cast could come off.

The two mid-week akuma attacks helped break up the trudge down the final stretch, as did her friends' efforts. They had taken note of her flagging mood and tried to help, sending her funny pictures and popping in for visits and now, they had arranged a trip to the movie theater to try to distract her.

"Don't worry, we chose a fun movie," Alya told Marinette as they headed towards the theater. She and Nino were walking slowly so that Marinette could keep up without struggling, but they were going almost too slowly. Marinette tried not to sigh.

They meant well, that was all that mattered.

"Yeah, no horror movies," Nino agreed. He glanced over at Alya. "Though there is one with pretty good reviews running right now. Maybe for our date this weekend...?"

Alya nodded, grinning. "Yeah! That would be cool. I might not be able to stay on for, like, lunch or dinner afterwards because of the twins, since Nora took over my babysitting today, but we could at least get out for a movie."

Marinette shuddered at the thought. Horror movies on a date? No thank you. She dealt with enough monsters and scary situations in real life, thank-you-very-much. There was no need for her to go watch scary movies and kick-start her overimagination into worrying about less magical threats like serial killers, too.

Or supernatural threats that (probably) wouldn't exist outside of an akuma setting, like evil ghosts and zombies and skeletons and- anyway.

It wasn't her idea of a good time, and she hoped that when she went on dates- in the future, after Hawkmoth was no longer an issue and she wouldn't be interrupted all of the time- that any visits to the movie theater would be for fun movies, not creepy ones. Alya always said that the jump-scares and creepy scenes were a fantastic excuse to cuddle close to a boyfriend, but was that really worth the nightmares? Couldn't the air-conditioned chill of the movie theater be enough of an excuse for a cuddle?

"Anyway, it's a very family-friendly movie, sure to be 100% Marinette-approved," Alya added after another minute of date-planning with Nino, clearly realizing that- well, it wasn't exactly pleasant to turn Marinette into the third wheel. She nodded down the block, to where the movie theater had just come into view. "And, well, I think the company is going to be Marinette-approved, too."

Marinette blinked, confused, and then she followed Alya's gaze. There, in front of the theater, stood Adrien's bodyguard. And in front of the bodyguard stood Adrien, looking very relaxed and at ease. He lit up when he saw them coming, waving cheerfully as they approached. He looked a bit tired, but Marinette couldn't blame him. Adrien had missed the entire afternoon of classes for an extended photoshoot, and from what she had heard, those kinds of shoots were absolutely exhausting.

Not as exhausting as they had been when Lila was there and constantly gumming up the works, maybe, but still exhausting.

"Dude, I'm glad you made it!" Nino told him, reaching over for a fist bump. After a second, he fist-bumped Adrien's bodyguard, too. "I thought you were going to text if you got permission to come!"

"I was just about to, honestly," Adrien told him with a laugh. "Just in case I missed you and you had already gone in. And then I saw you coming and- well, it wouldn't have made sense to text then, right?" He grinned, then nodded towards the theater. "Should we go in now? Then we can try to get good seats."

They went, and the Gorilla followed them in. Marinette almost asked about that, but it didn't take a genius to figure out why he had come along instead of just dropping Adrien off. The last time they were in a movie theater, Adrien had practically gotten mobbed by fans. Maybe that had been because he had just been featured in a perfume ad- one that had been heavily featured across Paris, not that it made much of a difference once people actually started trying the fragrance and found it rather lacking (and once people found out that no, Adrien: the Fragrance wasn't actually what Adrien the model (and occasional voice actor) actually wore)- but it was better safe than sorry. Hopefully the presence of the Gorilla would keep the pictures and mobbing to a minimum.

Inside, a line had already formed in front of the ticket counter. Not a long line- it was the middle of the week, after all- but they were hardly the only students who had just gotten out of school. Alya grumbled for a moment, but a nudge and a quiet murmur from Nino got her to settle down while they waited. It wasn't a bad wait, really, and then they were headed through the lobby.

"Snack time!" Nino cheered, veering off towards concessions. "Anyone else getting stuff?"

Marinette and Adrien both shook their heads, though Adrien's had been after a pause, after he looked to his bodyguard first. Marinette wouldn't be surprised if he just simply wasn't allowed to have junk food, which- well, most of the time she would say that was a pity, but movie theater junk food was just terrible in general. He really wasn't missing out on anything.

Alya groaned. "Nino, the snacks here are terrible. Their popcorn- I don't know what they do to it, but it just tastes awful."

"I was thinking of getting something chocolate, but- yeah, I guess if no one else is gonna get anything, I'll pass." With one more glance towards the concessions stand, Nino hurried back to join them. "Okay, so which room are we in? The fourth screen, right?"

"Yeah, that's what the ticket says," Alya confirmed. She started making a beeline towards the right door, only to come to a screeching halt a couple meters away when she realized that Marinette wouldn't be able to keep up. "Oh, sorry! I went too fast-"

"You could go ahead and scope out seats for us," Marinette suggested. She nodded towards her foot. "Just remember that it'll be easier for me to get to a seat on the end of a row instead of in the middle."

"Ah, good idea!" Alya grinned at her, then snagged Nino's hand and pulled him after her towards the usher waiting at the screen's door, only pausing to glance back and wink at her. Marinette rolled her eyes back, knowing full well what Alya was trying to do.

But did Alya seriously think that Marinette was going to ask Adrien out when his bodyguard was right there?

"I'm glad I was able to come," Adrien commented as he stepped up next to Marinette, letting her set the pace as they headed after Alya and Nino. "I've gotten so used to photoshoots running overtime and then I can't make it to outings, but this one ended on time- early, even! It was a nice change."

Marinette frowned. "I would have thought that your father would run a tight enough ship that going over wouldn't be an option unless something went really wrong."

"Yeah, it- well, that's the way it usually is, admittedly," Adrien told her. "It was really just when Lila was there that things always took longer than they should have. Unless there was something that she really wanted to be at, that is."

Marinette wasn't even a small bit surprised.

"And then the last few shoots, I guess part of the problem was that we had to re-do shots from earlier shoots, where Lila was modeling," Adrien told her. "I think originally Father was just hoping to get away with using those pictures and then just not use Lila as a model going forward- not that he could, since she's not even in Paris anymore- since not that many people would know what she had done. But then Alya posted that article on the Ladyblog about how much of a fraud and a bully Lila is, and people were starting to put two and two together. So all of her photos got scrapped."

Marinette cringed. "Even now that she's gone, she's still causing problems."

"I think you're feeling the effects for the longest." Adrien fell quiet for a few seconds, then nodded towards her leg. "But at least the cast is coming off pretty soon, right?"

"Two more days," Marinette told him, unable to keep from smiling at the thought. She was sure that those two days would drag out endlessly because of the anticipation, but there wasn't much she could do about that. It was getting increasingly hard to not just jump the gun and ditch the crutches- she could probably walk on her leg by now, considering Tikki's (and Sass's) healing boosts and how close she was to getting the cast off, but she didn't want to risk anything before the doctor could look at it again. "I can't wait."

"Yeah, I remember the feeling from when I broke my leg. I swear time slows down when cast-off date gets close." Adrien handed his ticket over to the usher, then passed Marinette's over as well. "You're doing better than I did, honestly. I tried to ditch the crutches as soon as it had been a couple of weeks and my leg wasn't really hurting, and it took the doctor threatening to leave the cast on for even longer to get me to stop." He laughed. "For some reason, I had been convinced that if it didn't really hurt anymore, it must be fine. And maybe I had weeks left in the cast, but I just must be a super-healer!"

Marinette giggled. "You practically read my mind. I was just thinking about how it's been getting harder and harder to remember to grab my crutches when I want to hop up and grab something or just walk a short distance. Part of me wants to think that there's no possible way that I could re-damage something at this point, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"That's smart," Adrien agreed. He dropped back behind Marinette as they approached the wide steps leading up to where Alya and Nino waited, ready to steady her if she had trouble going up. "And, uh, did they tell you that you might still need crutches even after the cast comes off? Because they dropped that particular bomb on me when they were in the middle of taking the cast off."

Marinette groaned. "No."

"Maybe you'll be lucky and not need it, since you've been following directions and taking care of your leg better than I did." Adrien's hand rested against her back, pressing a little more firmly as soon as she wobbled and retreating after she steadied herself. "And you didn't have a terrible break in the first place, right? That should help, too."

That, and she had the power of tiny gods on her side helping her heal, but Marinette wasn't about to tell anyone else that. "I hope it does. I'm so tired of crutches."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, then."

Marinette smiled as she stood back to let Adrien slip into the row next to Nino before she took the aisle seat. "Thanks."

The movie itself positively flew by, and before she knew it, it was over and they were waiting for the majority of the audience to leave so that there wouldn't be as much risk of Marinette getting knocked into.

"This was fun," Adrien commented once the crowds had thinned out and they had gotten out of their seats, making their way down towards the door. "We should do it again sometime."

"We do it all the time, dude, you just gotta get your father to agree to it more," Nino told him. Adrien just shrugged helplessly.

"He can't always spare the Gorilla to come out with me. And honestly, it's not necessary most of the time, but he's paranoid." A shadow crossed Adrien's face for a moment, and then he shook it off and perked up. "So, have you heard that Marinette's cast is coming off in two days? I think we should go out for ice cream or something to celebrate afterwards!"

"It'll be late when I get back from the doctor," Marinette warned him, carefully navigating the last low step before making her way towards the door. "Since we wanted to wait until after school and my parents didn't want to close the bakery too early if they could avoid it. And that might not be a problem for me or Alya or Nino to come out, but..."

Adrien grimaced. "Yeah, Father might have a problem with that. Uh, the next day, maybe?"

"Sounds good!" Nino agreed. "Or whatever works with our schedules. We gotta keep it flexible. But a celebration would be great! Andre's?"

Adrien shook his head. "His moving around could make things difficult. And Marinette probably shouldn't be running all over the city after an ice cream cart right after her cast comes off."

Marinette hid a giggle. Running all over the city had actually been in her plan after getting the cast off, as long as the doctor cleared her for walking on her leg again. But running around with a Miraculous and running around without on were two very different things. Especially since Marinette could always ask Tikki to add a bit of extra support for that leg, just in case.

"Besides, sometimes Andre has some really odd flavor combos," Adrien added, his eyebrows furrowing. "And I get that it's because of the love thing, but then sometimes he starts mixing it up and talking in riddles and- anyway, sometimes I just want a plain old cookies and cream cone, you know?"

"And Andre's double- and triple-scoops are sometimes a bit much for a snack," Marinette added. She appreciated the thought behind Andre's ice-cream cones, but sometimes she was a bit over ice cream by the time she got partway through the last scoop. "And my favorite is raspberry chocolate chip, but I never get that there. He doesn't take requests."

Alya groaned. "The point of Andre's isn't the ice cream flavor, it's the experience! But I suppose we could mix it up and go somewhere else. There's a place near Marinette's house that has a pretty good selection. My little sisters love it."

"We'll plan on that, then," Nino decided. "And figure out a day and time later, once you talk to Nathalie. And if they don't let you come out then, maybe we can try to sneak a trip in over lunch on Monday. We'll make it work."

Adrien nodded, a grin lighting up his face. "Yeah! Yeah, that sounds good."

Marinette smiled, watching Adrien's face. His smile was real, unrestrained and completely happy. She wouldn't be surprised if he had been bracing himself for his father refusing to let him come out and not being able to come to the outing that he had come up with in the first place. It would be nice, of course, if they could go over the weekend- they could take more time to talk and linger instead of rushing- but if waiting until Monday meant that Adrien could come along with them instead of video-calling them while nibbling his way through a scoop of ice cream from his chef at home, then it was completely worth it.

  As much as she hated to admit it, as Cast-Off Day approached and then finally arrived, Marinette had found her excitement competing with more than a little apprehension about her return to superheroing. She wasn't worried about being rusty on strategy- after all, that was what she had been getting a ton of practice with- but she knew that she was going to be out of shape. It was inevitable. She had even lost muscle tone in her good leg, she could tell, and that one had been used on a regular basis to hop along with her crutches. Sure, the supersuit provided bonus power- a lot of bonus power, considering the jumps that she and Chat Noir made on a regular basis- but being in shape as a civilian certainly didn't hurt.

Marinette could only hope that six weeks hadn't dulled her fighting instincts too much. She had worked hard for those instincts, thank-you-very-much, and getting set back would just plain suck.

There were other concerns, too. Akuma attacks would most likely be returning to their regular lengths once she returned as the Ladybug holder, and she didn't know how that would be received. And- her most recent concern- was about how the month and a half of a different routine would affect her partner.

Chat Noir had been following her directions during fights for every single akuma battle since- well, since the first week after her leg got broken. Maybe there had been some fights where he hadn't really needed much direction- some where he ended up holding off Hawkmoth or Mayura while Coccinelle dealt with the akuma, so as long as he didn't get overpowered or hurt, Vipera had just let him be- but for the most part he had been, as he said, her puppet. How that- and how having the safety net that was Vipera there to erase his mistakes and gambles that didn't quite pan out- affected his ability to function in normal battles remained to be seen.

It had only been five weeks, really. Hopefully- hopefully- Ladybug's break and their different approach wouldn't throw their teamwork and ability to fight into unexpected shambles. Maybe if they took that into account when Ladybug came back instead of assuming that everything would slide into place easily, then they could account for some of the places where they might be weaker.

She could talk to Chat Noir about it, and maybe her mom could step into the Snake position for the first couple of fights just in case. She wouldn't direct the fight like Vipera had, but if she could tap into that sixth sense that Vipera had used for the first few fights to know when to activate Second Chance, then that could help cover the worst of their slips. If there were slips.

Hopefully there wouldn't be. Hopefully it would be easier than Marinette thought to re-adjust.

"I can hear you worrying from here," Mrs. Cheng told Marinette as she steered the van through traffic. She spared a quick glance to the side. "You know that Tikki said that you were healing well. The doctor is hardly going to look at the x-ray and immediately turn around and slap the cast back on your leg."

"It's not getting the cast off that I'm worried about, really." She was really looking forward to that bit, to getting to wash off her leg for the first time since the cast came off and hopefully, hopefully, getting the all-clear to actually walk on her leg again. "It's re-adjusting to things again. It'll be easy to return to normal on the civilian side, but I've been worrying about how re-adjusting to battles will go."

"Well, if a fight isn't going well, you can always pull back and trade with me," Mrs. Cheng told her. "We might need to figure out who will need to hold on to what Miraculous so that we can do that quickly and safely, but considering that Hawkmoth just attacked earlier and- well, and what happened during the attack- I think we'll have a few days to iron out plans before he sends out another akuma. And if he sends one out sooner, before we have a plan in place..." She glanced over at Marinette before returning her eyes to the road. "I know you're eager to get back out there, but I can always handle another fight or two if needed."

Marinette knew that, and maybe it would be a good idea to wait for a fight or two to further throw off her recovery timeline in the public eye, but- ugh, it was easier said than done. She was just eager to get back in shape and to get a better read on what they needed to do to re-adjust (if anything), sooner rather than later so that she wouldn't be catastrophizing unnecessarily. And then there was also the whole matter of- well, Paris was getting increasingly impatient and unsettled as they got closer to a week with no Ladybug after the press conference.

Clearly the public weren't thinking along the same lines of what might have happened as her classmates had. They weren't reading between the lines like Alix about when the injury might have happened, and therefore not considering injuries like Marinette's as a possible clue to Ladybug's identity. That was a good thing, but it was really only a matter of time before more people started thinking the same way as her classmates.

Alya had shown the good sense to not put up the class's theories about the timeline of Ladybug's vacation versus the injury on the Ladyblog- well, after both Marinette and Alix had pointed out that there was no reason to undo any of the work that the superheroes had done with obscuring potentially identifying details. But Marinette had still heard some speculation starting up, and while her teammates were really good at countering the questions that were flung at them, it would probably be better if Ladybug just showed up herself.

Her mom's favorite tactic in response to the pestering was asking why people wanted Ladybug to put herself at risk by rushing back. It's not a good idea for pro athletes, Coccinelle always pointed out, so why would it be any different for superheroes? And if people really cared about their superheroes as people, then why did they not seem to care about their health- or their safety, considering that the general public seemed to want the superheroes to give up potentially identifying information?

People shut up pretty quickly after they got asked that, particularly if they had been trying to interview the superheroes live.

Thankfully, though, Marinette suspected that her mom was right and that she would have a couple days to get her bearings before another akuma popped up. The akuma that had attacked only that morning- well, it hadn't been alone. So Marinette's dad had gone out with the Turtle again (and Chat Noir with the bee) and then spent most of the battle cheerfully giving Hawkmoth a very through beatdown. In fact, there had only really been a little bit of actual fighting at the start, and then Hawkmoth spent the rest of the time cowering under heavy, repeated blows from the turtle shell until Mayura rescued him and they dashed off.

At the very least, Hawkmoth probably wouldn't be coming out for a few battles. He was nothing if not a coward, and coming probably his closest to defeat should make him rethink not hiding entirely behind his akumas.

"Don't let the public pressure you if you decide that you need more recovery," Mrs. Cheng added after a long pause. "Your safety is more important, always. And remember that it's not just your safety, but Chat Noir's as well."

Marinette had to laugh. "You really do know exactly how to get through to me, don't you? Okay, I'll do my best to be realistic about what I can handle."

Mrs. Cheng looked pleased.

It didn't take long for them to get to the doctor's office and get sent through to do her check-up. Marinette got an x-ray taken first, and when the doctor comes back in with it, he looked impressed.

"Well, good news, you are a very quick healer," he told her, settling down in his chair. "Possibly one of the fastest I've ever seen. Your leg has moved past the stage we would normally expect at this point and with the type of injury you got. I'll tell your physical therapist that we can go a bit more intensive on your therapy. You'll be able to handle it no problem. And while you'll want to ease your way into more intense activities, you can start working your way back."

Marinette grinned, nodding. This was definitely the news she wanted to get.

"And you won't need to keep using your crutches," he added. "But you'll want to keep them around, just in case your leg starts feeling sore. If you're going to be doing a lot of walking, I would definitely recommend that, at least until you've built up your endurance again."

"That's fantastic," Mrs. Cheng said, beaming at Marinette. "Do you have any exercises we can maybe start doing at home?"

"Yes, I'll print off some along with the care instructions later." He smiled, then pulled out what could only be the cast saw. "Now, let's take that cast off!"

As soon as her leg was in position, the saw whirred to life and started cutting into her cast. Marinette had to look away as her doctor worked, doing her best not to accidentally twitch or anything.

She was sure that he had loads of experience and was very good at his job and there were safety measures with the saw and all, but sharp blades near her leg was just a big load of no thank you in her book. When he finally put away the saw and picked up a pair of scissors to finish the job off, Marinette couldn't stop her sigh of relief.

"And all done!" her doctor announced, finally pulling the cast away from her leg. "That went nice and smoothly. You can hop down now, if you'd like."

Marinette nodded, glancing down at her leg and immediately having to do a double-take.

She had known that her leg was going to look odd after being in a cast for a month and a half, every single site that she had looked at had said so. But reading it and seeing it were two very different things.

Her skin looked weird. The hair on her leg looked weird. The muscle- it had shrunk even more than the muscle on her other leg, which was maybe to be expected but still made Marinette wonder how long it would take for her to get it back to something resembling normal. And now that the cast was off...

Well, she would be washing her leg tonight, that was for sure. Marinette didn't want her sheets to smell like that. Besides, the skin just looked- and felt- gross.

Taking a deep breath, Marinette slid down off of the table, taking the entire impact of the landing with her good leg. Then she took her first normal step in a month and a half.

It didn't hurt at all. Thank you, Tikki.

"I'd like to go out into the hallways now and have you walk up and down it. I want to see how even your steps are," her doctor requested. "Then I can send that to the therapist and she'll be able to tailor your plan to what you can do."

Marinette nodded at once, following him towards the door and trying not to over-analyze how her steps felt. Overthinking might just end up in her walking weird when she didn't have to, and- well, that wouldn't help anything at all.

"Okay, you're looking good," the doctor called to Marinette as she headed up the hallway. She felt a little off-kilter, but the doctor seemed pleased. "There's a bit of weakness in the one leg, but that's to be expected. With exercises and use, that should even up soon enough."

Marinette bit down the urge to ask how soon. She didn't want to seem impatient, especially since she was doing so well with her recovery already. Besides, her physical therapist would probably be able to tell her more after she actually started doing her exercises.

"I'll print off a care packet and some exercises for you to add to your routine, and then you'll be good to go," he told Marinette as she returned. He grinned. "Good job on the healing. Now, please- do at least try to not overexert yourself."

  Dinner that evening was takeout, a rare occurrence in the Dupain-Cheng household, but they wanted something special to celebrate Marinette's cast coming off and something fast so that they wouldn't spend a large chunk of the evening cooking and cleaning up.

"Your dad and I can move things back up to your room tonight," Mrs. Cheng told Marinette as she finished up the last of her meal. She smiled at Marinette. "I'm assuming that you're eager to move back up there, since you're walking well. And while we do that, well..." She reached up, pulling the Ladybug earrings off and handing them to Marinette. "Chat Noir is expecting to have someone join him for patrol tonight, as usual. I didn't tell him that you would be the one coming, just in case you weren't feeling up to it, but I suspect that you might want to go out."

"Yes!" Marinette pulled out her placeholder earrings- she hadn't want anyone to notice that her ever-present earrings had vanished while she was on crutches, so she had found a lookalike to wear instead- and popped in the Ladybug Miraculous. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling since she had been wearing them most nights, but knowing that they were going in to stay there now was great. Then she paused. "...but then people will see us and that might give away my recovery timeline, since Coccinelle was seen earlier today."

"You can always temporarily modify your costume to look like Coccinelle's outfit!" Tikki suggested. "Then from a distance, people probably won't notice that you've switched off. And since it's dark, that should help, too."

Marinette nodded, her grin inching back onto her face. "Okay. I'd definitely love to do that, then! As long as you and Dad don't want help moving things, that is."

"We'll take care of the moving," Mr. Dupain assured her, reappearing at the table with a large cake. He deposited it in front of Marinette and pulled out a knife to start cutting pieces. "Partially so that you can go out and have fun with your friend, yes, but also because we'd really rather not have you trip over a blanket while carrying it upstairs and have you sent back to square one."

Marinette opened her mouth to protest that, considered it, and then closed her mouth again. As much as she hated to admit it, her dad... had a point. "Okay. Thank you so much!"

"Anytime, darling." Mr. Dupain paused, considered that, then tried again. "I mean, I'd rather it not be necessary again, but if you need any help, we're here for you. And if you want to have us come out on patrol ever, or come out on fights with you..."

She had to laugh. "You've gotten over your fear of running over rooftops, then?"

"It's growing on me. Slowly." Mr. Dupain served up three generous slices of cake, passing them around before sitting back down. "And I can't say that beating Hawkmoth up wasn't entirely satisfying. I'm definitely more than willing to do that again."

Marinette nodded, making a mental note of that. Her dad couldn't really come out often, probably, since the bakery needed to keep running, but if he could join them at random sometimes...

It was something to keep in mind.

"I wish I could have watched," Mrs. Cheng commented, scooping up a forkful of her cake. "And no one got any footage of it, either! Such a pity."

Marinette had to laugh. "It was quite satisfying. Honestly-" she made a few fast mental calculations, a list of pros and cons, and then came to a quick decision. "You could probably keep the Turtle on you, and just come out if we're struggling or something and you have some time to spare. It would be easier than me having to come back and get the Miraculous out for you."

Her dad looked vaguely offended. "If you're struggling and if I have the time? Marinette, if you and Chat Noir are struggling, I will make the time. And if I have the time, if there's an attack when the bakery isn't open or I'm not needed, I'll be there. I'd love to beat up Hawkmoth again."

"If you start vanishing too much during akuma attacks, your employees are going to notice," Marinette pointed out. "And it's going to be for more than a few minutes most of the time. Not like what it's been for the fights you've gone out for before."

Her dad looked a little stumped. "Hmm."

"If I have access to the Horse, I could drop him off and collect him," Mrs. Cheng pointed out. "That cuts out travel time there and back. And it could be an element of surprise, too- if Tom is transformed and knows exactly where I'm going to Portal him to, he could ambush the akuma or the sentimonster or the supervillains with almost no warning."

Marinette opened her mouth, about to say something about how it probably wasn't a good idea to have too many Miraculous out and active in one household, then shut it again. That- actually, why wouldn't it be a good idea? If, heaven forbid, Hawkmoth and Mayura found out who any of them were, then they could all jump in and defend themselves right away. Maybe Master Fu wouldn't have approved, but Master Fu wasn't the Guardian anymore, was he? She had to do what worked best for her. "Actually, I like that idea. And if I need any of the other Miraculous for backup, I could text you and you could just Portal it right to me, no need for me to come back here."

That was a really good idea. The fewer trips she made to the bakery as Ladybug, the better. And it would be faster, too.

Why hadn't Master Fu thought of that? It would have made so much more sense than her having to disengage herself from the fight for at least fifteen minutes to go to Master Fu's house, with the potential of having supervillains spotting her and figuring out where she was going. There would still be a pause while she found the holder she wanted for that particular Miraculous, but that really couldn't be avoided.

"You know what I would love to see?" Mrs. Cheng told Mr. Dupain after a minute of quiet eating. "Your mom with a Miraculous. I'm not sure how effective of a fighter she would be, but can you picture her scolding Hawkmoth?"

Mr. Dupain laughed. "I think you underestimate her. She's taken more than a few self-defense classes over the years. Partially because she tends to travel alone or in groups of people she's not super familiar with, and partially because it's part of experiencing different cultures. Or that's been the excuse that she's given me, at least."

"D'you think, if she transformed while on her motorcycle, that would get magic powers, too?" Marinette asked, the picture of a Superhero Nonna Gina zipping around and running over Hawkmoth with a superpowered flying motorcycle already floating through her mind. "Because that would be super cool."

Tikki giggled. "Probably not. Unless...?" She tilted her head, considering. "I don't know, actually. You'd have to try it. I don't know if anything like that has been attempted before!"

...she was a responsible Guardian, and she will not find an excuse to give Nonna Gina a Miraculous the next time she's in Paris and try to get her to attempt to transform with the motorcycle. She will not, she will not, she will not.

"Oh, that's a picture," Mrs. Cheng chuckled. She scooped up another bite of cake. "We might be able to test that with one of us and a regular bike, maybe on one of our days off. Just for curiosity's sake, you know."

"Research," Mr. Dupain agreed cheerfully. "Very important, you know."

Marinette had to laugh at that.

They finished up, and then her parents shooed her off as they started the work of carrying things back up to her room. Marinette still snuck in a couple trips with some smaller things, and then she hauled herself up to her balcony. She exchanged an excited look with Tikki, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

This was actually happening. After weeks of longing to be back out on the rooftops, running and swinging around, she was finally returning.

"Tikki, transform me!"

In a flash of pink light, Ladybug replaced Marinette on the balcony. She took a moment to make sure that her outfit looked more like Coccinelle's than her own regular outfit, and then she was off. The yo-yo went out, Ladybug jumped, and she was flying through the air again.

It. Felt. Amazing.

Ladybug grinned, resisting the urge to whoop with joy. She had to keep her return low-key for now, which meant that she wasn't quite free to do whatever she wanted yet, but that was fine.

She was back, and that was what was important. The whoops and cheers and fancy swings down low over the street could wait until she had made her official return.

It didn't take long at all to reach the place where Mrs. Cheng had told her that she and Chat Noir would be meeting up for patrol. Ladybug landed- carefully, her good leg first and the healed leg second, though it didn't hurt at all- behind her partner and bounded forward, unable to keep the grin off of her face. Chat Noir had perked up as soon as he heard her land and he almost tripped over his own feet in his hurry to turn around. He stumbled, catching himself almost right away, and his eyes landed on Ladybug. His expression turned puzzled for a moment when he caught sight of her outfit, but the confusion was wiped away and replaced by straight-up excitement as soon as he caught sight of her face.

"Bugaboo!" Chat Noir exclaimed, pouncing on her at once and nearly bowling her straight over in his excitement. "You're back! Is it- is it for good? The cast is off, you're clear to come back?"

Ladybug grinned, nodding. "Yeah! I just got it off today. And I couldn't wait to come out, but I didn't want to give all of Paris a timeline for me being back if they spotted me, so-"

"Thus Coccinelle's outfit," Chat Noir finished for her. He straightened, pulling Ladybug to her feet. He grinned at her. "That threw me off, I'll admit, but it's not a bad look on you at all."

Ladybug grinned, doing a little spin just because she could. "Thanks! I- oh!" She tripped over her own feet and stumbled. Chat Noir caught her at once, putting her back on her feet.

"Careful! You only just got back out!"

"Oh, gosh, not a good start," Ladybug said with a small giggle. Thankfully her stumble hadn't been because of her leg acting up, just one of her normal stumble. "If that happens during battles, maybe you'll end up wanting Coccinelle back! I don't think me stumbling around will help make the battles any shorter."

"Don't say that." Abruptly, Chat Noir was serious, grasping her hands in his own. Ladybug blinked, taken aback. She had just been joking around, but her partner clearly wasn't, and the intensity in his eyes had taken her off-guard. "Don't worry about the time fights take, Ladybug. Seriously. Having you back and fighting at my side? That's more than worth it."

Ladybug smiled. "Thanks, Kitty."

"Of course." Chat Noir beamed at her, bright and happy and excited. A few moments passed, and then he nodded across the rooftops, grinning. "So. Are you ready for patrol?"

"Are you kidding? Let's go!"

[masjestickingdom]

My Little Secret (Part 3)

Pairing: NCT Jaehyun x reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: Welcome to the house of torture, where you find yourself struggling to survive.

Note: This is the last installment of “My Little Secret”! It was supposed to be longer (seriously, way longer), but I decided to cut it down. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to upload today. If you haven’t read part 1 or part 2, check them out here or here. Enjoy! 

____________________________________________________________________________          

    It was day two of you living in the house of torture, and the torture began with a simple call. Nothing was more tiring than the constant cries of your morning alarm, but nothing was more frightening than waking up to the screaming ringtone of your phone before your alarm. It was five minutes till five in the morning, and Johnny was calling you--nothing about it was a good sign.

    The week before you had temporarily moved into the Jung, Lee, Kim household, Johnny and you were promoted to one of the higher positions in your department, effectively ending your boss-and-subordinate position with Jia and subsequently her frequent calls, which you felt sorry to whomever would take your position. Instead, your calls came from Johnny, who was your partner-in-crime in the company since you two were exclusively the two assistants of Chris, your current boss.

    With you groggily forcing yourself up your bed, the phone kept ringing across the room. You were trying that “life hack” of waking up in one try by having your phone away from easily accessible areas around you, but with the surprise calls, you were sure to give up the habit soon.

    “What?” you said grouchily into the speaker once you barely made it to your desk.

    “Yeesh, I woke the Grinch up,” Johnny responded jokingly.

    You wouldn’t have it. “It’s almost five, Johnny. We leave for work at seven.”

    Cue the dramatic list of things you had to do that day, commencing your wonderful morning of your second day in the house that wasn’t yours. That was just a small appetizer of the horrors of your mornings there. They were nothing in comparison to your nights when you would return to the sweet smell of whatever dish Doyoung or Jaehyun were cooking but couldn’t afford to eat with the work you had to do. They paled in comparison to your lonely nights up in the kitchen, fetching water while looking over some thick files in the dimly-lit kitchen. They were a speck of dust in comparison to the nights when you actually had the time to sleep, yet you couldn’t. You would lie awake in bed, drowning yourself in a whirlpool of the same thoughts. What kind of thoughts? Surprisingly, none of them had to do with your work. No, you were sick of it. Rather, they were the kind of thoughts that involved the certain man sleeping in the next room.

    Caught up with work, it wasn’t hard to swallow your feelings about Jaehyun whenever you two were in the same room, an occurrence that was rare with your crazy schedule and Jaehyun’s focus on Jaehyung. Sometimes, you would wonder why your sister suggested that you filled in her spot while she was away when all you would do was work even in the house.

    Days rolled by quicker than you expected, and they were unsurprisingly unpleasant. You were able to suppress your feelings for Jaehyung to some degree and could hold conversations with him, building the foundation of your guys’ relationship as in-laws. You even initiated the conversations sometimes. But all that just reminded you that you couldn’t have him, and it was killing you.

    Soon, it was the second to last day at the house, and you (thankfully) had the day off. You had told Jaehyun the night before to relax so that you could start taking care of Jaehyung more, but the kind father refused. So there you were on the couch, watching Jaehyung’s favorite movie with everyone else in the living room. It was one of the rare moments when Jaehyung stayed quiet, his eyes watching the screen with so much anticipation that you wanted to pinch his cheeks. You didn’t, of course, since you didn’t want to pull him out of his zone. Instead, you focused your attention to the movie, which you admittedly thought was entertaining

    Lunch rolled by like a breeze and Jaehyung was sound asleep in his room. Before you knew it, you were back in your room on your laptop, looking over the interview Johnny had with one of the most renowned artists of the digital age even though it was your day off.

    “Johnny, I think you can send it to Chris,” you spoke into your speaker, making small commentary on a few slides. “It looks great.”

    Despite giving him the okay sign to proceed with the presentation, you sensed that there was hesitation on the other line.

    “What?” you asked, an ugly feeling clawing into you. “What’s wrong?”

    Another moment of silence sunk in before Johnny dropped the bomb. “Chris also told me that Jack’s manager called.”

    You drew a sharp breath inward. “No.”

    From your friend’s visibly frustrated sigh, you could only imagine your boss’ deeply furrowed eyebrows. “Don’t tell me he canceled.”

    “He said something about schedule conflicts.”

    There was no better word than exasperation to describe how you felt. Jack was someone everyone from Asia to North America knew. He was the guy that everyone wanted to get an interview of--he always turned offers down. Somehow, Chris managed to get a hold of his manager and arranged a meeting for both an interview and a photoshoot, but there was always an unspoken tension that whispered an ominous message that Jack would cancel. The main story for your November issue was now empty.

    “That jackass,” you murmured under your breath as you furiously typed a message to Chris on your phone. “With two days from the shoot he’s bailing? Unbelievable.”

    “Chris already said that there was nothing we could do about it,” Johnny said, stopping you from your impetuous typing. “So don’t request that we call Jack’s manager again.”

    “We can’t just let this egoistic man do whatever he pleases,” you huffed furiously. “Our entire team has been working day and night for this, and the one day we’re let to rest is the day he decides to suddenly say that he won’t be cooperating. The audacity of this man to cancel two days before the shoot is unacceptable. Just who on Earth does he think he is?”

    By the time you were done ranting, you were already seated on the edge of your bed, pulling up your socks.

    “A worldwide superstar,” Johnny candidly replied to your rhetorical question.

    “Well he obviously needs a wake-up call,” you grumbled. “Can you send me his address?”

    Rummaging through your bag in an effort to find your keys, you heard Johnny say, “You don’t even know if he’ll be there.”

    “So I’ll camp out.”

    At that statement, Johnny decided against picking up a fight. He knew better than to have you get riled up even more. You were on your way out when Jaehyun came out of his room with Mark and asked where you were going.

    “Work,” you said over your shoulder before swiftly leaving the house before anyone could say anything else.

    “Isn’t it her day off?” Mark uttered when he recovered from the fact that you had just gotten away in a blink of an eye. “It’s a national holiday.”

    With a frown, the taller man stared at the door. “Jaehyung was looking forward to spending the afternoon with her.”

    “Maybe she’ll come back soon.” 

    It was midnight by the time you had personally convinced Jack to take part in the interview and photoshoot. You had waited in your car for six hours in front of his house, hoping that each car that passed by belonged to Jack. At the second hour mark, Johnny joined you in the waiting session, originally there to tell you that you were crazy until he gave in. For half an hour, Jack refused to let you in. He thought you were a fan at first, but even after you cleared the misinterpretation, he still refused to let you in, let alone be the main story of the magazine. It didn’t matter if the wind was frosting your hands or freezing your ears: you had to convince Jack. After waiting outside at his gates for another four hours, you successfully got the conceited man to let you in for only five minutes.

    “You’re seriously crazy,” Johnny breathed out into the cold night the moment you two stepped out of Jack’s house. “You’re a crazy lady.”

    A huge smile was planted on your lips as you closed the gates behind Johnny.

    “We did it,” you said, almost whispering. “We did it.”

    Engulfing you in a warm hug, Johnny patted your back and gave you a squeeze. “You did it.”

    You laughed joyously and swayed your bodies side-to-side, returning Johnny’s actions, and when you let go of him, you immediately squealed and jumped around like a two-year old.

    “We got Jack!” you shouted excitedly, twirling across the street. “We did it!”

    It probably wasn’t the best idea to run around the streets at midnight when you were exhausted from waiting because on the way to your sister’s house, you were yawning every passing second and almost fell asleep at each red light you encountered. Making it across the lawn wasn’t an easy task either with the wind forcefully pushing away from entering. It was a quarter till one in the morning when you opened the front door, greeted by your brother-in-law from the kitchen. You weakly waved at him, but were too tired to bother starting a small conversation with him. You couldn’t even hear the man ask you whatever he asked, not even your name. All you could do was stare at your moving legs, which seemed to move on a mind of their own as they moved past the shoe room, and watch your world turn black.

...

    “No, Johnny was there with me,” Doyoung heard you say while he flipped the waffle maker over the stove. “Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t cancel everything.”

    “Jesse?” he called out, leaning his head back to see you reach out for the doorknob.

    “Don’t worry!” you responded, waving to him briefly. “I’ll be back before dinner!”

    And you were gone like that. At the sound of the door shutting, a certain someone with a long pair of joggers and a white t-shirt appeared from the basement.

    “Was that Mark?” he asked in a husky voice, slipping into one of the dining chairs.

    When Doyoung revealed that it was you, the man immediately shot up from his chair and rushed to the windows. Sure enough, you were speedily walking across the street, busily talking to someone on the phone.

    Catching you while you were knocked out was the last thing Jaehyun had imagined he would be doing earlier that morning. He was so concerned that you wouldn’t return home that he stayed up all night, wandering back and forth from the living room to his room, so he almost lost it when you fell into his arms. No matter how many times he called out your name, you wouldn’t wake up. Crouched on the ground with you cradled in his arms, he watched you soundly breathe in and out with a relieved expression. Gathering his strength, he stood on his feet and lifted you up in bridal style, taking you to your room as quietly as he could. While he tucked you under the covers, he watched you go off into dreamland peacefully, which oddly made him feel at ease. As he brushed away a few stray strands of hair from your face and observed your soft but dominant facial features, a strong wave of discovery hit him like a rock. His pulse began to pick up, and he was no longer at ease. But what he did was simple: he left an unopened box of aspirin and a water bottle next to your phone, which he carefully placed on the bedside table. When you left the house without a notice, he went into your room and saw the aspirin tray peeking out of its box and the water bottle three-quarters full. A smile unknowingly rested on his face.

    Later that night, when you returned well past dinner time, you went straight to your room, passing the meal that was left for you on the dinner table and calling Jia.

    “That’s great,” you told her through the phone, plopping down onto your chair. “Tell Emma that we’re expecting her entire team there, too.”

    A small repetition of knocks shortly followed and seeing who it was at the door, you quickly hung up on Jia and swiveled your chair around.

    “What’s up?” you greeted the man of your dreams, watching him take great strides towards your bed. “I thought you were asleep.”

    “I couldn’t,” he replied simply, situating himself comfortably on top of your big covers.

    Turning around back to your computer, you attempted to force down the intense emotions that were resurfacing. With the handsome man showing up in casual joggers and a simple t-shirt, an outfit that looked damn fine on him, you had to mentally slap yourself to come back to your senses. But they kicked back in an instant when he called, “Jesse.”

    At the sound of your name melodiously leaving the lips of Jaehyun, you restrained yourself from looking at him.

    “I’m listening,” you said, searching for a lost document in the sea of mess known as your desktop.

    A short-lived second of crickets passed before he said, “Shouldn’t you be taking a break from work?”

    With your eyes busily scanning for the file, you answered monotonously, “I already did when we were watching the movie yesterday.”

    “You came back at one yesterday,” he urged in a more pressing voice. “Jaehyung was waiting for you.”

    That got you to stop what you were doing. You hated it when you let down Jaehyung, and you didn’t need to be reminded of your constant shortcomings.

    “I’ll see him first thing in the morning,” you said barely above a whisper.

    “Jesse, look at me.”

    Those four simple words were all it took for your heart to skip a beat. A small tugging of your heart began, the tug you felt during your sleepless nights. Silently sighing, you prepared yourself to set your eyes on the most beautiful man. Of all your years working and facing severely bad days, the hardest challenge in your life was to look at Jaehyun straight in the eye. Nothing competed the concerned gaze he gave you. Absolutely nothing.

    Giving yourself another mental slap, you returned his seriousness with a flat, naive look. When he took a step forward, beginning his advancement towards you, you focused your nervous, excited energy on your toes, squeezing them. With a few feet in between you two, he settled on your desk and held your gaze with so much intensity that you had to blink.

    “Don’t you think you’re working too much?”

    Your brows instantly furrowed. “What?”

    “You’re giving up your personal time and social life to work when you don’t have to.”

    Despite Jaehyun’s soft, cautious tone, you felt attacked and alert: the man you loved thought you had no social life.

    “I do have a social life,” you argued, returning your gaze back to the screen to break the horrific feeling sinking into your stomach. “You just don’t know it.”

    “Jesse.”

    The smooth, fragile fingers of the man spread warmth throughout your body when he touched your arm. The sound of your heart beating grew louder and louder, your face, in contrast, stoic as a rock. You had no idea how to react. The man’s hand was on your arm! It was even squeezing your arm for a quick second.

    “I’m saying this for your better interest.”

    You couldn’t register anything he was saying; your attention was taken away by his hand. It was as smooth as silk compared to your rough, unmoisturized hands. Thankfully, it wasn’t too long when an idea occurred to you. You strategically leaned into your chair, naturally (and regrettably) pulling your arm away from the man’s touch.

    You cleared your throat and gathered the courage to face him eye-to-eye. “So I work overtime sometimes. What’s wrong with that?”

    “When was the last time you enjoyed a full day off?” When a grilling number of silent seconds ensued, he continued, “You always couldn’t make it to our dinner invitations and left Jaehyung bummed out.”

    The butterflies began to subside when a new, more vivid feeling arose.

    “I’m sorry, but the truth is that I work for something that needs my constant attention,” you said, your eyes darkening.

    His eyes dug deep into you, insisting you to think again. At that point, you were slowly getting frustrated. How could you bear the atrocity of him belonging to someone else while caring for you like that? You hated how you felt.

    “Why do you care?” you shot, not meaning for it to come out as harsh as it did. “I get that I’m Janet’s sister and Jaehyung’s aunt, but I don’t need you to feel obligated to care just because of my connection with them.”

    It was Jaehyun’s turn for his eyebrows to knit together. “As a friend, I think that it’s not good for you to always be overworked.”

    You snapped. “Don’t give me that crap, Jaehyun!”

    You felt a part of yourself fall at the crestfallen expression that formed on Jaehyun’s face, but you were still pissed at how he made you feel stupid and giddy inside even though he wasn’t yours.

    “Since when were we friends?” you striked. “We only know each other because of Janet!”

    With an incredulous expression, Jaehyun exclaimed, “So all this time you initiated a conversation or smiled at me was not because we were friends but because you felt obligated to?” He stood up from the desk in fury and stepped forward. “I couldn’t sleep because I cared about you and was worried that you wouldn’t come back! You know why? Because you never come back! Not even on the holidays!”

    You pushed onward and pointed your finger at his chest. “You’re the one who feels obligated to treat me the way you do! You’re the one who feels the need to look out for me just because I’m Janet’s younger sister! Did I ask you to set me up with Jungwoo? No! Did I ask you to stay up for me? No! So stop making me feel so damn bad when I already feel like I’m at rock bottom for treating Jaehyung the way I have!”

    You were so caught up in the moment that you didn’t notice the lack of proximity between you two. Your mind was running with furious thoughts, not giving you a chance to cool down. But the sudden change in Jaehyun’s expression broke the angry momentum: his face had fallen back to a broken manner. You watched his eyes stare into yours, waiting for something you didn’t know what you were waiting for. It was a matter of moments when his mouth slightly parted and spilled something you wish you could unhear.

    “The only reason why I look out for you is because I have feelings for you.”

    There went the sound of your heart pounding harder than ever with the rush of adrenaline spreading throughout your body. A chilling breeze ran down your spine as you watched Jaehyun wait for your reaction with pained eyes, causing you to step backwards, away from the taken man.

    “No, no you don’t,” you whispered, shaking your head. “Take that back. You don’t mean that. You don’t.”

    Your breathing rapidly fastened. Your palms became sweaty. The room felt suffocating. Jaehyun remained where he was--until you took in his honest self for one last time and left him for the bathroom, where you sat in the corner and let the tears you hadn’t let out for years trickle down your exhausted face. By the time you returned to your room, he was gone.

    The next morning, you vanished from the house, leaving Jaehyung the presents you intended on giving him when your sister arrived next to his bed. You remembered the day you went shopping with Jaehyung and Jaehyun, secretly looking for their presents. You remembered how happy Jaehyung was to be running in the big mall. Most of all, you remembered Jaehyun’s sweet voice and his fatherly smile. You threw his present in the trash can.

    There was no trace of you left in the house of torture except for the food you left uneaten. When you closed the front door behind you, you cut off the string to the red thread that you had hung on for so long. But what you didn’t know was that the man in joggers and white t-shirt had grabbed on, holding on for dear life. You started the engines to your car and drove off in the dark streets. You were still fumbling to hold the red thread, trying to grab onto the falling pieces.

[angellesword]

Seventy One

Description: What were you supposed to do when seven men ended up falling in love with you?

Choose, of course.

Seventy One: from seven to one.

Pairings: ot7 x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, inexplicit smut

Word Count: 11k (One shot)

Warnings: alcohol, kissing, mild physical violence, blood, there are stalkers in this fic, discussion of dropping out of school, and losing interest in life. 

*** I know this doesn’t have a lot of warnings, but please be mindful of what you’re reading. (especially minors) I’ve been on tumblr and wattpad since 13 and I honestly regretted it. I should have waited for the right time before diving into the word of fiction.

Of one thing, you were sure: You were going to quit medical school no matter how many times they tried to stop you.   “I just don’t understand why people are stopping me, you know? This is my life.” You breathed in heavily. “My life!” You repeated the last two words to emphasize your point.   Not everyone had a dream. This was what Min Yoongi always told you. Admittedly, this friend of yours admired you for knowing what you wanted to do in life. Sometimes he envied you. For him, you were the epitome of beauty and perseverance. Once you set your mind into something, you were sure to do it no matter how hard it may seem.

  “They’re just concerned for you, Princess...” Seokjin pinched your cheeks, an attempt to lighten up your mood, but also because he found you cute.   You sighed, trying to flash a smile at your best friend. You appreciated his little ways to make you happy.   You had known Kim Seokjin ever since you were a child. Your mom was actually best friends with Seokjin’s mom. As a result, they also wanted their kids to become friends. It happened. Seokjin was a few months older than you, but this didn’t stop you from hanging out with him. The world was convinced you were destined to be together because the two of you were inseparable. You loved hanging out with him. He was a sweetheart, always polite and he didn’t have to try hard to make everyone around him smile. He was naturally funny.

And the best part about being his best friend? Well, Seokjin loved to cook. He always prepared your favorite garlic chicken. Jin didn’t mind eating this flavor of meat with you even though his skin itched after consuming it. “They’re not concerned about me. They’re concerned about themselves.” You gritted your teeth together. Bitterness was taking over you once more. You stood by this. You felt like the reason why your family and relatives were stopping you from dropping out of medical school was because they didn’t want to associate themselves with a dropout—with a person who was irresponsible and didn’t have any dream. You were going to taint your family’s name.   When you told Seokjin about your plan, he had a similar reaction with your family. He also stared at you blankly. Your heart sank. Your relatives’ reaction hurt, but the disapproval of your best friend, the person who you thought would support you through thick and thin, hurt the most. Fortunately, you were wrong. Seokjin wasn’t judging you. He was just shocked because he knew how much you wanted to be a doctor.   You thought so too, but it only took you two semesters to realize that medical school wasn’t for you. You were spontaneous, just like Jeongguk, the maknae of your group of friends.   Studying all day wasn’t for you. You didn’t want to sacrifice your time researching and losing sleep. You wanted something fun...something liberating.   Jeongguk was exactly like that. You could never forget the day he knocked on your door at ten pm; his eyes were sparkling as asked if you wanted to go high diving with him.   You agreed. It was the best day of your life. Your fingers were intertwined. You screamed all of your frustrations as you jumped. The cold, pristine water swallowed you whole.   You figured that the water might be cold, but your heart was warm and so was Jeongguk’s smile.   Your friendship with Jeongguk was the opposite of your relationship with Seokjin. The latter had a careful approach in life. This was probably the reason why he was at the top of his chosen career. Seokjin graduated in the most prestigious university in Seoul with a degree in Film Studies.   His hoobaes admired him for being the best sunbae. Seokjin was thoughtful. He took his time giving helpful tips to young artists. Your best friend had the right to give advice as he was already the most successful actor of WWH Labels, one of the best entertainment agencies in South Korea. Seokjin had won and was still winning major awards from different shows all over the world. His fan base was getting bigger and bigger. Despite this, he remained humble. Compared to him, you were nothing—at least this was how you feel.   “You’re really gonna drop out?” He asked you for the nth time.   “Yes.” You said confidently. “You know me. Once I set my mind into something—“   “It is final and there is no turning back.” He completed your infamous line and then he sighed. “I’m just making sure. You know, I’ve noticed that you’ve been taking Yoongi’s opinion seriously.”   “Your point?” You asked him directly while raising a brow. Why was Yoongi suddenly involved?   “W-Well...I...” He swallowed, it was as if there was lump in his throat, making it difficult for him to continue what he was about to say.   “What, Seokjin?” You know it was downright rude to just drop honorifics; however you were pissed off. He hadn’t said anything but you already knew what was in his mind. He was your best friend after all. You knew him inside out.   “I just,” he started and failed again. Seokjin realized there was no point of sugarcoating things. He needed to be honest. “Yoongi dropped out of college so I thought that maybe he’s influencing you in some way—“   “Oh shut up!”   You couldn’t help your anger anymore. You were wrong for trusting him. You shouldn’t have relied on his encouraging words when you told him you were going to drop out.   You remembered his soft eyes and heartwarming smile as he said “I’m not going to stop you, Princess. You should do what you want. I will support you with all of my heart as long as you're happy and not hurting someone else...” Apparently, it was a lie.   It was stupid of you to find it endearing. It was stupid of you to think that both Seokjin and Yoongi shared the same sentiment. The former wasn’t like the latter. Yoongi was the only genuine supporter you had.   Yoongi told you to “fuck it all,” when you told him about your plan to drop out of school. He said that you were free to do what you wanted. His advice was similar to Seokjin’s. The only difference was that Yoongi didn’t care about what other people thought. He said that it didn’t matter if you were to give up your faith and your trust to them. The only important thing was for you to achieve your goal. In the end, you would only realize the worth of someone if that person chose to stay by your side even if you were at your lowest.   Dropping out of medical school meant you would lose your loved ones. Your friends might even think that you were a bad influence. Yoongi claimed that you didn’t deserve to be with people who thought this way.   Regardless of their genuineness, both Seokjin and Yoongi made their points clear. To be honest, you couldn’t disregard Seokjin’s point when he claimed that Yoongi’s word got the best in you. What Yoongi said was what you wanted to hear, so naturally you would defend and follow him. It wasn’t right. This made you realize that the advice that you needed was from someone who depended on reality rather than just being brutally honest or being too careful with words.   You needed someone who didn’t simply rely on emotions. You needed someone who resorted to logic.   You needed Kim Namjoon.   “I think I should go. Thanks for the food. See you later.” You barely touched the kimchi fried rice and spicy beef bulgogi Seokjin had cooked just for you, yet you were already leaving.   “Do you need a ride?” He asked softly.   You eyed your best friend from head to toe, causing him to flinch as he immediately hid his left hand behind his back. You weren’t aware, but Seokjin hurt himself while preparing your food.   “No. I’m just gonna go to Namjoon’s.”   Namjoon’s place was right across Seokjin’s apartment. Actually, the reason why you were friends with Namjoon was a funny story.   Namjoon was originally from Ilsan, the city of flowers that was only a few hours away from Seoul. He said he was just an ordinary boy who liked music, so even if the possibility of failing was high, Joon still chose to risk it all and went to Seoul. He struggled a lot. His place was small, making it hard for him to buy music equipment. Despite his home being small and easy to maintain, Namjoon, the ever clumsy boy, still turned it into a chaotic place. You remembered that time vividly. It was nine years ago. You, Seokjin, and Yoongi were enjoying your usual movie marathon night at Seokjin’s apartment when you heard a loud “HELP!” Next door.   You weren’t the type of person who ignored those in need, so you asked your two best friends to go with you to check in with the new neighbor. When you heard the word help, you were expecting to see a person in distress. But upon seeing the face of the man who just opened the door, you instantly knew you were the one who needed help. Damn. Someone should bring you to the hospital because your heart hurt.   The boy in front of you was so gorgeous that it physically hurt you. His blond hair complemented his tanned bare chest. God. You felt like you were going to have a heart attack if he didn’t put a shirt on.   “My microwave is on fire!”   Regrettably you lost interest when he spoke. Just...who in the right mind would catch their microwave on fire?   Clearly, only a dumb person.   Apparently, Kim Namjoon was dumb.   You, Seokjin, and Namjoon were losing your minds as you looked at the flame. Yoongi, on the other hand, just pressed the ‘stop’ button and after a few seconds, the chaos also stopped.   “Oh man. What did you put in there?” You winced while trying to get a good look inside your neighbor’s microwave.   “Uh? Bulgogi wrap?” Namjoon scowled, unsure.   “Bulgogi wrap wrapped in aluminum foil.” Yoongi corrected.   When your neighbor nodded, you and your friends face-palmed.    Who in the right mind would put an aluminum foil inside the microwave?   Only a dumb person.   Again, Namjoon was dumb.   “Fuck. I’m really hungry, but I’m scared to use the microwave again.” Namjoon face-palmed too. He didn’t know how to cook.   “Do you like ramyeon?” Seokjin asked.   “Who doesn’t like ramyeon?” This was Namjoon’s answer. “A dumb person.” You chuckled, interjecting their conversation.   When Namjoon shrugged his shoulders, you realized that maybe, he wasn’t dumb at all. Namjoon joined your movie marathon that night. It didn’t stop there, though. Namjoon was cool person so he didn’t have a hard time fitting in with your friends. Namjoon was also smart and charming. It wasn’t at all hard to like him. You actually harbored feelings towards him. You couldn’t help it. You found him sexy whenever he was producing songs with Yoongi.   Min Yoongi was the kind of person who liked to do his thing alone, so imagine how surprised you and Seokjin were when Yoongi asked for Namjoon’s help, making you realize that Namjoon actually creates more than he destroys. Yes, he was careless and he broke a lot of things, but he sure knew how to create beautiful and meaningful verses that touch the heart of his listeners.   His style complemented Yoongi’s way of making music. This was why you didn’t get surprised anymore when Namjoon and Yoongi told you and Seokjin that they were planning to make a small music entertainment that would focus on music healing, talent, and skills of their artists. Few years later, Paradise, the name of their firm, became the biggest entertainment in South Korea, dethroning WWH Labels. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Seokjin, the empire of WWH would probably fall. Seokjin was the company’s backbone.   “Namjoon, open your damn door.” You banged on the door of studio. You knew Namjoon had enough money to purchase a bigger place, but he didn’t want leave this building. His only compromise was to buy the unit as well as the three units next to his apartment. He then renovated it to a much bigger studio. He called it Rkive, his personal working area. Seokjin also didn’t want to leave his apartment because he had been living there ever since he was a trainee, but he would probably move to a new place in the future—just not now.   “You realize I can steal your valuables and you still wouldn’t notice?” You welcomed Namjoon with an exasperated sigh as he opened the door. As usual, he showed himself to you wearing nothing but gray sweatpants that hugged his hips perfectly. His Balenciaga boxers caught your eyes. You couldn’t help the blush staining your cheeks. You had seen him in this state many times already, but you still couldn’t help but to swallow hard every time. Namjoon was damn attractive, but this didn’t mean that he was perfect. In fact, his one flaw annoyed the hell out of you. You really hated the fact that he was always so immersed in making music that he didn’t seem to give a shit about the people around him. You were standing in front of his door for straight ten minutes already, if you didn’t aggressively bang on his door, you would most likely still be waiting here in vain.   “The only thing you can steal is my heart, baby girl.” You shook your head when Namjoon winked at you.   Ah damn. How could you still be irritated at him when it was clear that he knew how to make your heart skip a beat? Namjoon was probably the only person who could say sappy things that wouldn’t make you cringe.   “Don’t make me regret going here, Joon.” But you couldn’t tell him that.   “I’m kidding!” He pulled you inside his studio. Namjoon was busy producing a song before you came.  Bangtan Sonyeondan, the only boy band under the care of Paradise Company, was going to release a new album soon. Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk were the members of the mentioned boy group. They were pretty much involved in producing their music, but Namjoon was the one who wrote sixty to eighty percent of the lyrics of their songs. Yoongi, on the contrary, focused on producing the melody.   “You need help with anything, baby girl?” Namjoon sat on his swivel chair. He would stop working if you said you needed him. That’s how important you were. “I’m useless, Joonie.” You let out a breath, sitting on Namjoon’s lap. He instantly wrapped his arms around your waist and then he rested his head on your back.   “I don’t love you.”   “What!?” You struggled to get away from him. Did he just straight up tell you that he didn’t care about you?   “What?” Namjoon was feigning innocence as he embraced you tighter. “I thought we are supposed to lie? You said you’re useless and that’s obviously a lie.”   “Joon...” You touched his hand that’s resting just below your stomach. You were at loss of words.   “I know I tease you a lot and I don’t usually say the words you need and want to hear, but...” Namjoon sighed as well. “Please believe me when I say you’re fucking perfect. You’re perfect just the way you are and if reminding you all the time is the only way for you to remember that, then I will continue to say it even if I lose my voice.”   You were crying. You went here to seek comfort and that’s exactly what you got.   But would he still say the same thing after you told him what you were planning to do?   “I am dropping out of school, Joonie.” Your voice cracked upon confessing. Tears kept streaming down your pretty face and all Namjoon could do was to tighten his hug on you. He hated seeing you cry.   “You came here for my opinion, right?”   You nodded, too ashamed to say yes. You wondered what he thought about you.   With Namjoon, you felt exposed. You were not scared to tell him what you felt for the reason that you were certain he would always understand. This was the only thing you were afraid of. Namjoon could just look at you and you would already be willing to tell him every secret you had.   “Well I’d like to apologize because I don’t have anything to say.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “It is your life, baby girl. I can’t just tell you what to do and what not to do because at the end of the day, all you need is you.” Namjoon elucidated this thought more by letting you listen to the current song he was producing. Its title is Uhgood. Namjoon gently placed the headphone in your ears. The music started playing. All I need is me. I know I know All is need is me. You know you know The fact that the lyrics kept on repeating as if he was convincing himself made you cry. Sometimes it was really hard to make yourself believe into something. Falling short is such a painful feeling. If you haven’t experienced it, you can’t know it. This was true. It was easy for your family and friends to tell you that it was stupid to just quit medical school. It was because they didn’t know how difficult it was to continuously fail. My ideals and reality are very different, but I will still cross the bridge. I want to reach you. The real you, the real me. You were deluded by the idea that being a doctor was the best thing that could happen in your life. You still pushed through your dreams even though it hurt you many times. It stopped now. What you wanted to become in the future was the real you. You wanted to do what would make you happy—not what your loved ones thought was good for you. Namjoon thought the same because after letting you listen to the song, he said this: “You will pave your own way and your family and friends are just here to watch you grow. We are just merely the pieces of your boat, it is still up to you whether you’ll row it or not. Do you understand what I’m saying?”   You hummed. Namjoon seemed contented with your answer so he continued.   “My parents didn’t want me to pursue my dream as a rapper. They said I am too naive and guess what? They’re right after all.” He chuckled lowly, with deep dimples and all that. “But look where I am now. Yes, I didn’t become a rapper, but I became someone greater. Someone better. Someone I can be proud of. I train aspiring artists and I am able to produce songs for people. If I listened to my parents, I wouldn’t be the Namjoon you know and the RM they know...” RM was his name in the music industry.   “All I’m saying is follow your heart. You might have heard the same thing from Yoongi and Seokjin or I maybe I’m just blabbering dumb words, but do you get the point? At end of all of this, it is up to you whether you’re gonna listen to my advice or listen to yourself. Either way, it is still your choice.”   “What will I even do without a Kim Namjoon in my life? God you’re rich and smart. Your future girlfriend will be so lucky.” You laughed, wiping your tears away.   “You can be that girl, you know...”   And just like that, Namjoon was back with the teasing.   “You know no one is going to take you seriously if you flirt with every girl you see, right?” You pouted your lips. Namjoon smirked.   “Why? Are you the every girl I see?”   “What?”   “What what?   Silence.   “I love a dumb person.”   “Oh! Who’s the lucky girl?” Your eyes twinkled. It was Namjoon’s turn to roll his eyes.   “I am talking to a dumb person.”   “Well I’m sorry I’m slow! You haven’t said anything about the girl you like and—oh.”   I love a dumb person...

I am talking to a dumb person...   “Joon...” You trailed off when you realized what he said. Shit. What were you supposed to say?   “I am in love with you, baby girl.”   For years, you believed that you liked Kim Namjoon in a romantic way, but as he confessed his love for you, the only emotion you felt was guilt.   Guilt because without giving it much thought, you already knew you couldn’t reciprocate his feelings—at least not in the way he wanted you to.   “Don’t worry, baby girl.” He laughed, but you could feel the hurt in his voice. You’re thankful you couldn’t see his face as you were still sitting on his lap. His face was facing your back. You didn’t want to hurt him.   “I’m just saying this because I don’t want to regret anything. Falling in love isn’t experienced by everyone. It makes me happy that I am able to feel something as beautiful as this one. Loving you is such a beautiful feeling. I love that I love you, baby girl.”   “Damn, do you want some bulgogi wrap?”   Namjoon burst into laughter upon hearing your statement. Is his confession that bad that all you could think about was food?   “Are you telling me I poured my heart to you just so you can talk about wanting to eat bulgogi?”   “It’s for you, idiot!” You finally faced him, hitting his chest with your hand. “I figured you deserve some bulgogi wrap after that heartwarming confession. God, you’re so good at this!” Namjoon simply laughed it off. He also agreed to eat bulgogi wrap at a Korean stall downtown, but this was already hours ago. Right now, you were out with Park Jimin, drinking soju. Namjoon confession made you feel guilty. The only solution you could think of was to drink the guilt away with Jimin. It was a wrong move though. Who would have thought that Jimin was also going to confess his true feelings for you?   Ah. Park Jimin. The it boy of Bangtan Sonyeondan. He was a phenomenal dancer; his voice was sweet as honey too.   “Listen, babe...” Jimin giggled, his eyes turned smaller when he was smiling. He was cute, unfortunately you loved him the same way you loved Namjoon. What you felt for Jimin never changed ever since you met him. Well, you met him when you needed him the most. Quite literally, really.   You remembered that night. You went out to drink with your other friends. It was one of your typical night outs, nothing weird. Nothing creepy—this was until you felt like someone was following you.   All of your friends were home now. You always made sure that all of your friends were in the comfort of their homes before you could go to your own abode. But tonight, you wished things were different.   “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Pick up the phone, Yoongi!” He was the only one you knew you could call. Seokjin was busy with his taping. Namjoon, on the other hand, was out of country to meet up with other artists who wanted to collaborate with Bangtan. Sadly you couldn’t reach Yoongi. This made your heartbeat doubled. The stranger continued to follow you. Wherever you went, he followed.   Tears streamed down your cheeks as you ran towards a narrow alley. A sigh of relief escaped your lips when you realized that the creepy person already stopped following you.   That’s what you thought.   Your muffled scream was frightening. Someone just covered your mouth as he pulled you towards another alley. This one was narrower and darker.   You planned to get away from this person, although it wasn’t needed anymore. The man let go of you intentionally.   “Don’t scream. Don’t breathe too loud. They’ll leave in...” The mysterious man discreetly pointed at the person following you so you could see how frustrated they were now that they lost sight of you. “Three...two....one...”   The man you’re with as of this moment was right. The stalker really left after three seconds. “Do you know them?” You switched your gaze at him; fear was still evident in your voice. “No.” He laughed and shook his head. “But I think they’re sasaeng fans. They’re really irritating. I don’t even know why they’re called ‘fans’ in the first place.” He was annoyed but he was smiling at you.   Your creased your forehead, ignoring what he just said. It’s because you felt like you had seen him before.   “Do I know you?” You crinkled your eyes. This man really looked familiar. Where did you see him again?   “Oh. Sorry, my bad.” The guy giggled. He was so used to the idol life that he expected everyone to know him by now. “I’m Jimin. Park Jimin, the lead vocalist of Bangtan Sonyeondan, a proud artist of Paradise Entertainment!”   The introduction was too much, but cute nonetheless. He took your breath away when he saluted at you.   You giggled too.   “Ah! That’s why you seem familiar. Thanks for saving me, Jimin. I don’t know what I’ll do if you didn’t rescue me.”   “It’s nothing. Shall I walk you to your house?”   “Walk me to your boss’ house instead.”   “The clumsy one or the quiet one?”   You pretended to think.   “To the quiet one. He needs some scolding for ignoring my calls.”   Jimin simply laughed. He didn’t understand why both of his boss adored you a lot. What’s so special about you? His question had been answered as the two of you sauntered around the street of Seoul. It was easy to make him like you.   You were not like the other people he met. Jimin figured that it was probably because you were used to seeing famous people that meeting an idol like him didn’t affect you anymore. Well, whatever the reason was, Jimin realized that he liked the fact that he could laugh and do anything he wanted without you praising everything he did.   Of course he appreciated every compliment he got from his fans, although sometimes it felt like it was empty. It’s true when they said that words that were often said lost its meaning. Whenever people said that he was a prodigy in dancing or that his voice was angelic, he couldn’t decide if it was the truth or if they were just used to saying it. Apart from this, compliments caused him to feel pressured. Jimin believed that he needed to do his best all the time or else, all the love he got would fade away in an instant.   He felt more like a robot instead of a human. If it wasn’t for his family, friends, and members, he would probably quit by now.   The time he had an actually conversation with you was also the night he realized that he had another reason to strive harder. But no—it was not to impress you; it was more like you were his inspiration.   You were a med student. You were not as rich as your friends so your resources were not enough. Despite this, you still managed to make it through the day without breaking. Jimin, on the other hand, was privileged. Sometimes he felt embarrassed when he felt lazy to do his job. He had all the resources he needed. His fans loved him and he was also talented. The only thing he needed to do was to move and yet, here he was, being a complete sloth.   Jimin had been friends with you for years now. He was thrilled when you suddenly called and asked him to drink with you in the middle of the night. This was new. The two of you rarely went out together because you understood that Jimin was famous. Fans would go feral upon seeing the two of you together. You considered Jimin as one your close friends. The people under Paradise Entertainment were really close with one other. You actually had a small group of friends there. Your Saturday movie night started with Jin and Yoongi. Namjoon then joined. After a few years, the members of Bangtan Sonyeondan joined the night.   You guessed that what made the bond of the eight of you stronger was when the boy band filmed Bon Voyage. It was one of Bangtan’s reality shows wherein they travelled in a foreign country with limited budget and few resources. The fans didn’t know that you, as well as Namjoon, Seokjin, and Yoongi were there too. It was because the staffs only film the members of Bangtan.   You remembered that time clearly too. It was in the Philippines, a tropical country in Pacific. This place was a gem. They were blessed with rich natural resources and hospitable people.   The only problem here was the weather. It was so hot.   “I told you it’s a bad idea to go here during Summer! God! The weather is killing me!” You hissed at Yoongi. This was his idea. You suggested going to New Zealand, but he disagreed. He said you’d only look for pretty boys there. You just shook your head because what kind of logic was that? But then again, he wasn’t wrong.   “I saw an ice cream store over there...” Hoseok said. Your eyes followed the direction where he was pointing.   “Yeah? Should we get some?” You already stood up even though Hoseok hadn’t agreed yet.   “Okay!” But you always got what you wanted anyway.   “I’ll go with you two. We need more drinks.” Yoongi offered, he was about to stand up, howbeit Taehyung stopped him.   “Yoongi-depyonim, let Hoseokie-hyung go with our pretty noona this time. Why do you always want to tag along? Do you like our pretty noona~” Taehyung teased.   All eyes were either on you or on Yoongi. It was embarrassing. You should never let Taehyung get drunk. He’s annoying when he was intoxicated.   “Shut the fuck up, Taehyung. I’m just concerned for her. Hoseok is drunk—“   “Are you saying you don’t trust me, depyonim?” Hoseok’s jaw tensed. He didn’t like what his boss was implying. “You know I like noona more than anyone in here. I’m not gonna do anything to hurt her.”   The tension was getting thicker and this was all because of drunk Taehyung. God. You swore you were going to kill him when he’s sober enough to know that you were the one stabbing him.   “Just let her go, Yoongi-ah. She can handle herself and Hoseok is a good guy.” You heard Seokjin said.   Yoongi didn’t have a choice but to let you go. You didn’t know if it had something to do with Seokjin being the eldest or if Yoongi just realized that he overreacted.   Though you couldn’t say that Yoongi was wrong.   Your plan was to buy ice cream and alcoholic drinks, but here you were, making out with Hoseok under the coconut tree and the moonlight.   “You’re so pretty like this, sweetheart. So pretty just for me.”   “Kiss me, Hobi.”   He chuckled as he obliged to your request.   You moaned. Hoseok was hot and serious at the same time. He was the only member of Bangtan that you were not that close with. His idol persona was different from his real personality. It was understandable though. Jung Hoseok was the leader of the band. He needed to set a good example to his bandmates that was why he rarely focused on activities that did not involve work.   This was until you asked him to go out on a date with you.   “Who wants to go to Lotte World with me? I have extra ticket!” You barged in Bangtan’s studio one afternoon. Your voice was loud since you wanted to get the attention of your friends. However, it was only Hoseok who looked at you.   “Oh,” your smile faded. “Hi, Hoseok. Where are the boys?” Hoseok stopped dancing as he flashed a tight smile.   “They’re at the recording studio. Why?” He creased his forehead when he realized you were avoiding his gaze. Why couldn’t you look at him the same way you looked at the other members?   You swore it wasn’t because you hated his face. Admittedly, Hoseok was so attractive you felt like you didn’t deserve to look his way. Besides, how could you look at him now when he was topless? If this was Namjoon, you would shamelessly drool, but this was Hoseok. Jung Hoseok of Bangtan Sonyeondan.   “I just...” You attempted to look at him and you couldn’t help yourself any longer. “Do you go out with me?”   “Sorry?”   You faked a smile. Why were you so nervous?   “I mean,” you shrugged off, an attempt to calm yourself. “I have an extra ticket to Lotte World. Would you mind going out with me?” When he didn’t say anything, you panicked again. “Just friends! We’re only going out as friends!”   Your heart skipped a beat when he ruffled your hair. He was laughing because you seemed shy. There was nothing to be shy about. He would like to go out with you. He was done practicing their choreography and recording his part in their upcoming album. Hoseok was the only rapper in their group.   The three members were part of the vocal line. They were still busy recording that was why you ended up going with Hoseok in the mentioned amusement park. Hoseok didn’t regret agreeing to go with you because albeit frightened, you still made him feel like he was brave.   You coaxed him to try scary rides at that amusement park. With you, Hoseok forgot all the worries circling in his head. With you, he could be the carefree and rough version of himself.   Rough. As in rough in bed. You didn’t exactly know how it happened. After your date with him at Lotte World, the two of you spent more time with each other; however, it was always a secret. It was as though he was your new best friend. Seokjin was always busy with work that was why you chose to hang out with Hoseok instead. Only at midnight though. You two would often meet at Bangtan’s dance studio. This was the safest place since it was common knowledge to all Bangtan employees to never barge in here because Hoseok couldn’t be disturbed while choreographing new steps.   Little did they know, the only thing Hoseok was doing was making you cum.   This was the reason why you were making out with him under the moonlight tonight. This wasn’t just because you two were semi-drunk. You really wanted to be with Hoseok ever since the start of Bon Voyage.   “I love you, sweetheart...” Hoseok confessed as he inserted his fingers in your wet cunt. “Me too, Hobi. As much as I love Tae, JK, and Jimin too.” You cooed. You realized that you needed to tell them you loved them more. They would be dropping their new album soon and you were aware that this was causing them to feel stressed.   “Hobi?” You were frustrated when he abruptly stopped pleasuring you. Was something wrong?   “Sweetheart?” You called again. You even lifted his chin so you could look at him in the eyes.   “Something bothering you?” You palmed his cock. “Will this help? Want me to blow you, baby?” Hoseok lightly pushed you away. This was in contrary to the roughness of his voice.   “Do you really think all I want is sex?”   “W-What?” You blinked when you saw hurt crossed his face.   “Hobi...I don’t understand. We chose this deal right? You said you wanted me. I want you too, sweetheart.” You tried to kiss him on the lips, but it landed on his cheek when he tilted his head to the side.   “Let’s stop this deal. I don’t want to be your fuck buddy anymore.”   You froze, too stunned to even speak. He didn’t want you anymore? Did he find someone better?   If that was the case, then you couldn’t do anything. It’s just so not you to push people to do something they didn’t want. So even if your heart felt heavy, you still nodded.   “Whatever you want is fine by me, Hobi.”   “That easy, huh?” He cackled. “I just told you I love you, damn! Is this really just physical for you? Don’t you feel anything at all—”   Hoseok was cut off when Yoongi suddenly punched him. You tried to stop Yoongi, but you realized you couldn’t stop him without asking for the help of your other friends.   It was Jeongguk who was able to pull Yoongi away from Hoseok. You scowled upon seeing the idol’s broken nose and bleeding lips.   “Damn. You don’t need our stylist-noona now, Hoseokie-hyung.” Intoxicated Taehyung was unstoppable. He still managed to joke about the current situation.   Their album concept was about raising awareness about violence. Hoseok’s role was the protagonist who was always bullied by his classmates. Taehyung was saying that their stylist didn’t need to paint fake bruises on his hyung’s face anymore.   “Taehyung, you better shut the fuck up.” Namjoon threatened, but the intoxicated boy just raised his brow and smirked at his boss. It was Seokjin who stood up to stop this chaos.   “Guys...” The eldest called all of your attention, though he was only looking at you. For some reason, guilt managed to creep into your heart. Why was Seokjin looking at you using those lonely eyes?   “We aren’t going to solve anything if you are all angry. Can we please just stay calm?” Seokjin blinked as he wetted his pinkish lips. “Yoongi-ah, why did you do this to Hoseok?”   Yoongi who was currently plopped down on white sand glared at Hoseok. After this, he switched his gaze at Seokjin.   “Why don’t you ask him instead, Jin-hyung? Have him tell everyone the nasty shit he was doing to her!” Yoongi angrily pointed at you.   This time, all of your friends stared at you, patiently waiting for your answer.   “I...” You looked away. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They weren’t supposed to find out this way. In fact, they weren’t supposed to find out at all. “Yoongi saw—“   “I kissed her.” Hoseok cut you off.   The five other boys gasped while Yoongi tried to attack Hoseok again. Fortunately, Jeongguk was able to stop him.   Seokjin asked you if it was true so you didn’t have a choice but to tell them the truth. You couldn’t afford to make it seem like this was Hoseok’s fault. Taehyung laughed after hearing you admit the truth. He started dancing and singing too.   “Hoseokie and noona, sitting on a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”   You closed your eyes and sighed heavily. You thought you could handle this calmly, but Taehyung was really getting in your nerves. This was ridiculous. “Can all of you just please shut the fuck up? Hoseok kissed me because I want him to do so! I wanted it to happen, alright? He didn’t force me!”   You were fuming as you glared at Yoongi.   “He didn’t force me, Min. So just....” You sighed again. “Please apologize to Hoseok. He didn’t do anything wrong.”   Deafening silence welcomed your group. The only sound you could hear was the harsh wave. It was Jeongguk who broke the silence.   “You want him to kiss you?” He asked innocently, his big doe eyes were sparkling. “Why? Do you like Hobi-hyung, Noona?”   You bit your lower lip. Did you need to answer his question? If yes, why? If no, why? But most importantly, did you like Hoseok?   You looked at your fuck buddy. It seemed like he was in great pain—he was biting his lip while trying to stop the blood from staining his white shirt. He was also looking at you, eyes full of hope. You wished you didn’t have to hurt him.   But you did anyway.   “I like him as a friend, Jeon.” You answered the maknae’s question, but your eyes were focused on Hoseok.   You noticed the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. It was obvious that he’s trying hard to stop it.   As much as Hoseok wanted you to love him, he was certain that forcing you to do so would only hurt you. The last thing he wanted was to hurt you. This being the case, he simply nodded, accepting defeat.   “I understand.” Hoseok smiled at you. “Thank you for being honest, sweetheart.”   “Sweetheart my ass.” Why did Yoongi need to always ruin the moment?   Seokjin rolled his eyes. Yoongi was so petty.   “Let’s clear this up, guys” The eldest spoke again. He asked you all to form a circle. Seokjin was inside that circle since he was the one who gathered all of you to swear something.   “Raise your hand if you want to remain friends with the people in this circle.”   All of you, except Yoongi, complied with Seokjin’s request. You had to pinch the side of Yoongi’s stomach just to urge him to raise his hand.   He did.   “Good. Do you swear to do the best that you can to protect and not harm one another?”   “I swear.” All of you said—except Yoongi. You pinched the side of his stomach again.   “Fine! I swear!” Yoongi swore through gritted teeth.   “Do you swear to never fall in love with the only girl in this group?”   “What!?” Your eyes widened. Your face felt hot. This was so unnecessary. “Seokjin! Stop overreacting! No one is going to fall in love with me here.”   “You sure about that, Noona?” Jeongguk asked, he was obviously pertaining to Hoseok.   “All they have to do is swear, Princess. If they aren’t going to fall in love with you, it will be easy to swear!” Seokjin grinned innocently that you could only roll your eyes.   Seokjin made them swear a few more statements before giving each one of you a bottle of beer.   “To our newly formed friendship!” He raised his bottle.   “To our newly formed friendship!” The seven of you repeated and that was it.   For years, Jimin managed to keep those promises, but you could never trust a man under the influence of alcohol. “I’m only saying this now because I am drunk and I can just pretend like I don’t remember anything tomorrow.” Jimin pouted his lips as he stared at you lovingly. You listened to him.   “I like you a lot, babe. I’m sorry. I know I can’t because I promised our friends that I will never fall in love with you, but...” Jimin hiccupped. “I just have to say it once. RM-depyonim called and told our friends that he also broke the promise and I thought...fuck it all. If the CEO can confess to you just like that, then why can’t I, right?”   “Jimin, you’re drunk...” You sighed. Were you supposed to say anything? Wasn’t it cruel to reject two of your friends in one night?   “I’m not!” Jimin chuckled. “Intoxicated people can’t do this—”   “Intoxicated people fall asleep while they’re talking, bitch.” You shook your head when Jimin lost consciousness. Damn. He was wasted.   “Hello, Manager Sejin? Yeah, it’s me...” You wiggled your brows as if the person you’re talking to on the other line could see you. “Uh, Jimin is drunk and we need you here. I’ll text you the location. Bye!”   By the time you finished talking, you immediately cut the line. You’re scared of their manager. The members always got in trouble whenever they were with you. If you weren’t friends with Namjoon and Yoongi, Manager Sejin would most likely forbid the members from going out with you.   “Sorry, Manager!” You made a face when Jimin’s manager almost tripped while trying to carry the singer on his back.   Guilt washed over you when Sejin just sighed. Were you being selfish? Was your attitude too much? Should you just really leave the boys alone?   That night, you went home alone. Exhaustion made you fall asleep easily. It was already past nine in the morning when you woke up. Your phone was full of messages from Jimin, causing you to worry. Did something happen to him?   As you unlocked your phone, you received a new message from him.   [9:58am] Park Jimin: I remember what happened last night, babe. Sorry about that. I promise to never say things like that again, though I never lie when I’m drunk. Don’t feel pressured about liking me back. I can always find another person to love as I am already contented just by being your friend. Have a good day! :D   You were glad that this day wasn’t going to be as awkward as you thought it would be. It was a good thing Jimin understood your situation as he didn’t force you to reciprocate his feelings for you.   Your plan for today was to just watch your and Seokjin’s favorite T.V show. You smiled to yourself thinking how angry he would get when you told him that you watched the new episodes without him; however, your smile faded when you realized that you weren’t in good terms with him.   You got mad at him last night for being concerned about you. But...could he blame you? He was judging Yoongi and Yoongi was your friend—his friend. How could he say those things?   The three of you had known one another for years. Yes. Min Yoongi dropped out of college, but it did not mean that he failed as a person. Yoongi reached his goal. He wanted to climb the social ladder. He did it by pursuing his passion for music and you couldn’t be more proud.   “Why are you crying when you’re watching a fucking sitcom?” You screamed so loud upon hearing that voice.   “Fuck! Yoongi! You scared the hell out of me!” You threw one BT21 pillow at him. He was going to be the death of you. Literally.

 “When did you arrive?”   “You know, you always tell Namjoon how you can rob his place and he wouldn’t even know it.” He snorted. “You’re just as horrible as he is.”   Yoongi caught the BT21 pillow in his hands and then he grimaced upon seeing that this pillow was Hoseok’s line character called Mang. Yoongi fucking hated Mang.   “I’m damn broke, Yoongels. They can only steal my books in med. I wouldn’t mind, tbh.”   Yoongi sat on the couch beside you. You bit his arm when he threw Mang on the floor.   “How dare you hurt my baby!” You nursed Mang in your arms. You spent a lot just to buy this pillow. Fuck capitalism, really.   “I’ll give you Taehyung and Jeongguk’s character for free. Just ditch Mang.”   “No! Why do you hate Mang so much?” You questioned your friend who was now engrossed in watching TV.   “I hate Mang as much as I hate Chimmy.”   “I thought you liked Chimmy!” You slapped his arms. Chimmy was Jimin’s character.   “That was before Jimin told us he confessed his love for you. Joon too.”   You kept your mouth shut. This was something you couldn’t just brag about. You respected both Namjoon and Jimin’s feelings.   “You’re not hard to love, you know?” He said seriously after calling your name softly. He was the only one who called you by your real name. All of your friends had a special nickname for you.   “Don’t tell me you’re about to confess your undying love for me too?” You burst into laughter because your own joke made you cringe. There was no way Yoongi liked you. Nope. That was impossible.   “What if I am?”   “Shut up.” You slapped his arms again. Yoongi was a terrible joker.   “Why? I loved you first.”   “Yoongi....” You warned. Your heart was going crazy. No. This couldn’t be happening again. You couldn’t handle to reject three of your friends in less than twenty four hours.   “I have loved you since the day you saved me.”   And just like that, memories of the past flashed in your mind.   Ten years ago, Min Yoongi came into your life. If Jimin saved you from danger, you could proudly say that you were once a hero just like Jimin.   Going to Han River had become a habit of yours whenever you felt sad. The night you met Yoongi, you were sad. Your parents were fighting again. You thought you had the worst problem in the world, but when you saw a man in Han River’s bridge, ready to jump and end his life, you realized that there were people who had it worse.   “No!” You were able to hug him before he could jump. His body was cold and he was shaking badly. You hugged him tighter as your tears fell. You were scared—too afraid to lose this stranger.   You expected him to struggle just so he could get away from you; however, he did the opposite of what you thought he’d do. He actually hugged you back.   “All I wanted is someone to hold me like this.” His voice was low and sad. It made you cry even more.   “I’ll do it. I’ll hug you all the time if you want. Just ...don’t leave.”   Yoongi was that boy. He was determined to end his life that night, but you saved him. You acted as if you were scared to lose him. You cared for him.   You were afraid to leave Yoongi alone again, and so you brought him at Seokjin’s apartment—this was the start of your friendship. You didn’t regret bringing Yoongi there. You learned to love him. To care for him. But then again, you could only love him as a friend.   Your heart wasn’t always sure who it loved, but it sure knew who it couldn’t love.   “You’re probably gonna reject me too. I respect what you feel.” Yoongi chuckled because who knew? Maybe you had heard this exact line from Jimin and Namjoon.   “No matter how romantic our proposal is, it is still up to you who to choose. I can’t say I can’t give up on you, especially if it is your wish.”   “You are my favorite among those people who confessed to me.” You said honestly, but Yoongi just glared at you.   You raised your hands as if you were surrendering.   “Fine! Second favorite. Namjoon’s still the best and you know I have a crush on that guy.”   “I will kick his ass later.”   “Wish I can do the same. Man, his ass is the bomb.”   “Where’s the lie though?”   You ended up laughing until your stomach hurt. Yoongi kept joking around and you were sure that he wasn’t doing this just to get rid of the awkwardness. Yoongi really loved the sound of your voice and your laugh.   But he wasn’t sure when he could see you smile again.   You really dropped out of medical school. It had been months now since you made that decision. You didn’t have to say it for them to know that you were sad. You were having a very difficult time and it was apparent. The boys knew you for always pretending like you were strong and that you could handle everything. This was one of the reasons why they admired you. Namjoon was the only person who knew what you truly feel and it was not because he could read you. It was because you let him read you.   But these days, Namjoon was busy with work. You couldn’t call Jimin now since his girlfriend didn’t really like you. Yes. He had a girlfriend now. He was not lying when he said he could always find a girl to love. Jimin loved easily. That’s just who he was.   Yoongi, on the other hand, was busy mending his broken heart. Sure. He respected your decision, but it did not mean he was okay. Yoongi loved you. It’s been a decade now. He couldn’t just decide to stop loving you.   There was no such thing as unloving someone. There was only forgetting. Your heart loved, but it tried so hard to forget the feeling of being in love—a defense to stop itself from the pain of rejection.   And so now you were stuck with Taehyung and Jeongguk, the two pests of your life.   “Hi, love.” Jeongguk winked at you.   “Go away, Jeon.” You wanted to throw the slice of pizza in his face. You couldn’t do it though. Not when there were other customers who could see you.   You swore he was testing your patience. You were trying to ignore Jeongguk’s sly innuendos, but his moves were getting out of control. This kid used to be so shy around you; sadly he was shamelessly flirting with you now.   “Don’t you need to record a new song or something?” You pressed the bell to let your co-worker know that one of the customer’s orders was ready.   “Thanks, Yeonjun.” You grinned at your co-worker who also smiled at you as he served the slice of pizza to the customer.   Your dad stopped giving you allowance the moment you told him you were quitting school. You had other job but it wasn’t enough since you had bills and rent to pay. You knew you couldn’t just sit in the corner and wait for a miracle. Although your miracle came in seven forms: your friends. They offered to give you money just so you didn’t have to work in this pizza parlor.   It was tempting, really. But you were not a gold digger. You loved your friends because they were fun to be with—not because all of them were wealthy. Besides, your job wasn’t as hard as what Taehyung made it seem to be. You were a cashier. Sure, there were irritating customers, but no one could annoy you the same way as Jeongguk and Taehyung could.   “Why don’t you say that to Taehyung too, Noona? He needs to record with me!” Jeongguk pouted, though you could still see his teeth. He lookee like a bunny.   “It is because our pretty noona adores me, Guk.” Taehyung who was sitting on a stool bar beside Jeongguk blurted out.   You sighed. Why did the owner decide to construct a bar counter with stool bars where customers could sit and enjoy their food? Didn’t your boss know that customers were annoying and that the cashier might get bald from dealing with people like Jeongguk and Taehyung?   “Excuse me? Didn’t she tell you you’re just like a baby brother for her?” Jeongguk teased his rival.   “No.”   The pizza parlor just opened, but you were already tired. You needed to remind yourself that this was your fault. You were the one who told them where you worked.   Both Jeongguk and Taehyung confessed their feelings for you many months ago. You thought they were kidding since your three other friends also told you they were in love with you. Unfortunately, they weren’t joking.   Jeongguk was serious—persistent and serious. He confessed first, defeating Taehyung. Jeongguk was endearing. He expressed his emotions by singing in this pizza parlor in front of the other customers.   Of course he was wearing a mask, a bucket hat, and a hoodie. He also changed the sound of his voice since he was afraid to be recognized by his fans.   You didn’t have the heart to reject Jeongguk that night. The boy was just so adorable, though you realized it was better to break his heart now rather than to give him false hope.   After all, you felt like it was the competitive side of him who liked you and not the real Jeongguk. The maknae always wanted to win. Perhaps he wanted to win your heart just to prove it to his hyungs that he could do everything.   When you told him this, Jeongguk was beyond repair.   “Do you really think I am that petty?” he was crying in pout. Your heart broke from seeing him this sad. He was not happy because of you.   “I’m sorry, Kookie.” You engulfed him into a motherly kind of hug. You just couldn’t imagine Jeongguk as your boyfriend. You were five years older than him. Besides, you had watched him grow up. Sometimes you felt like he was your son so when he told you he liked you, the word incest entered your mind.   You didn’t want Jeongguk to think that you see him as kid. He was so much more than a baby bunny for you. Jeongguk was a fine young man who was capable of sweeping people off their feet. He could be sexy if he wanted to. It’s just not gonna work with you.   Moreover, you didn’t understand why he suddenly took interest in you. Thankfully, Jeongguk explained it well.   “I just followed this little buddy of mine.” He pointed on his chest to refer to his heart. “Plus you’re always so good to me. You’re pretty and smart too!”   You wondered if it was because you always complimented him. Jeongguk seemed very happy when people praised him. “You’ll be able to find someone prettier, smarter and someone who can love you, Kookie.”   “But I’m not looking for anyone! You are the one I like!”   Jeongguk wasn’t as matured as his hyungs. Out of all the men who confessed to you, he was the only one who did not know when to give up. He was always at the pizza parlor. He never failed to give you roses each day. He even brought you chocolates, but he ended up eating them all while waiting for you to finish your shift.   Dealing with Jeongguk was stressful enough. It wasn’t like you wanted to deal with Taehyung too. He was as persistent as Jeongguk. Why did they end up falling in love with you?   At least Taehyung changed his ways from time to time. He liked to observe first by watching the move of his rival. Jeongguk brought you flowers and chocolates. You didn’t seem to like it so he took in mind not to buy those things.   He also figured out that singing a song and a casual confession did not impress you. Therefore, he needed to be different.   The only way he could think of was to get the approval of your dad first. He wanted to meet your mom since mothers easily trusted men. Unfortunately, your mom left you and your dad years ago. Taehyung had no other choice but to face your father.   Your dad instantly alarmed you. He was asking why Taehyung was suddenly confessing his love for you.   You rushed home to confirm this news. Taehyung was really there. His boxy smile was visible. Sadly it didn’t enchant you the way it made his fans crazy.   “Tae, you should go home.”   You knew you were being cruel. However, you couldn’t handle this anymore. This seemed like a big joke for you. Did they really think they could just declare their love for you whenever and wherever they wanted to?   You knew you should be thankful. Good and pretty boys loved you. Who were you to complain? But you see, this was exactly the problem. They were good and pretty boys. If their feelings for you were real, then they didn’t deserve to be rejected at all.   But what could you do? You just couldn’t teach yourself to love them the way they wanted to be loved. Taehyung went home defeated that night. He didn’t ask why you did not like him. He didn’t need your confirmation of the painful truth. Besides, it was not like he’d give up that easily.   You didn’t ask Taehyung why he liked you too. You realized you didn’t need their validation at all. If he told you what he liked about you, would you change yourself just so he could start disliking you?   “Noona, you okay?” Jeongguk asked, pulling you back to reality.   “Yeah, Kookie. I’m just not feeling well.” You forced a smile. It was the truth. You also didn’t want to deal with them today.   “D-Do you want me and Jeongguk to leave?” Tae offered politely.   Both of them instantly stood up when you nodded eagerly.   “See you later, love!” Jeongguk winked   “Yeah, pretty noona. See you soon!” Added by Taehyung.   You simply waved at them.   The see you later and see you soon of Jeongguk and Taehyung lasted for several months. For many weeks, they did not show up at the pizza parlor. It wasn’t like they did not want to see you. They were just busy with concerts and various shows both locally and internationally.   Your heart swelled in joy whenever you watched them on television. They really grew up well. They grew organically. Yoongi and Namjoon knew what they were doing. They cared for their artists a lot.   “You should audition to Paradise Entertainment, Yeonjun. You can be just like them.” You wiggled your brows at your co-worker.   It’s past eleven pm and you were about to close the pizza parlor. You and Yeonjun were the only ones left in the store. You both agreed to close the restaurant after watching Bangtan’s performance at MMA. The show was almost done anyway.   “I’ll try my luck soon, Noona. Thank you for supporting me.”   Yeonjun’s smile reminded you of Seokjin’s pretty lips. You missed the guy. If Bangtan was busy, Seokjin was busier. You hadn’t seen him since the day you left his house after he said something bad about Yoongi, but you two still text each other. Seokjin was in New York this day. He was supposed to be the MC in MMA’s award show, but due to conflicting schedules, he turned down the opportunity.   You missed Seokjin. You really did, though you understood that both of you were not kids anymore. You couldn’t just call and ask him to go see you.   “I’ll get going, Noona. Happy birthday again!” Yeonjun waved at you and left.   Your clock said it was already 11:58pm. Two minutes left before your birthday ended.   “Did he forget?” You kicked the pebble on your way. All of your friends greeted you a joyful birthday, except for one.   Was it because he was abroad? Did it have something to do with the different time zone? “He’s still stupid for forgetting my special day!” You let out your frustration by shouting.   You were standing in front of a wide street, patiently waiting for the green signal that would indicate if you could already cross the street. You were the only person here so you could freely express your emotion without getting shy. You could shout as loud as you wanted to.   “I hate you so much, Kim Seokjin!” You screamed again. One minute left. There was no way he’s gonna call or miraculously show up.   Except that you believed in miracle.   Except that Seokjin really showed up thirty seconds before your birthday officially ended.   “Happy birthday!” One second he was on the other end of the street, the other second, he was already standing before you.   His ears and neck were bright red and he was still trying to catch his breath. You didn’t know it, but he just got off the plane and he ran as fast as he could just to greet you a happy birthday.   “You didn’t forget.” Your tears fell as the first snow fell.   “How can I forget when I know you will be waiting for me?”   “Where’s my gift then?” You had the temerity to raise your brow at him.   Seokjin grinned at you. Without saying anything, he showed you the mistletoe he was holding.   “You know what this means, right?”   You blushed. Jin was always so polite and respectful. This was the first time he showed this kind of side of him.   You couldn’t say you hated it when in reality; it made your stomach turn.   “Is it okay if I kiss you?” And just like that, the Seokjin you knew was back. You missed his shy smile and sweet voice. You missed him. You miss him a lot.   And so you touched his broad shoulders as you tiptoed, you pressed your lips on his mouth, not minding how fast your heart beat.   “I was afraid and embarrassed, you know...” Jin told you as he nuzzled your nose.   You didn’t speak.   “I didn’t mean to sound cocky when I said the matter about Yoongi being a drop out. I don’t—I can never judge him like that. I’m sorry if you felt that way...”   You only tightened your grip on his shoulders.   “I’d also like to apologize for making the boys swear to never fall in love with you. I didn’t play fair and I was being selfish.”   “What do you mean?”   He sighed.   “I know one of the boys already told you that you are not hard to love, Princess. I also figured that they are all going to end up loving you. It scared me. They’re not difficult to like and I am sorry you are hearing this from me, but I just don’t think I’ll be able to handle it when you end up dating one of them.” Jin closed his eyes, his lips are shaking. “I’m sorry...” You bit your lower lip upon hearing his confession.   “I just need you to answer one question.” You said.   “What is it?” He opened his eyes.   “Do you love me?” Seokjin laughed because of this.   “Will I ditch four award shows and a meeting with Tom Cruise if I don’t love you?”   “Can you just answer with a simple yes or no?” You were getting impatient.   “You are like the first snow fall of the year, Princess.”   “I said yes or no, Seokjin.” You glared.   He ignored you.   “You are like the first snow fall.” He repeated. “No matter how long, I will still wait for time you are ready to fall. You are cold, but I will make sure you will melt because of my scorching love for you. So yes, I love you, Princess. I am in love with you—“   You didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence as you were already kissing him.   Seven boys. There were seven boys. It hurt you to reject the six of them, but if you did not do that, you won’t be able to kiss this one boy.   The one who could make your heart beat.   You chose Kim Seokjin. Your prince.

REPOSTED ON NOVEMBER 30, 2020.

[geekgirles]

Better Than I Know Myself

While I, admittedly, have enough songs that I believe would best fit Betrothed by @tipolover22 to create a playlist, there’s this one song I am convinced is perfect to describe Branch’s POV when it comes to his marriage to Poppy:

Better Than I Know Myself by Adam Lambert.

This is an analysis on the song written from the fic’s point of view, so it’s gonna be heavy on spoilers. So I’d recommend you read the story before reading this.

If people asked me why I think this song is perfect, I believe breaking down the lyrics is the best way to explain my point.

It starts out like this:

Cold as ice

And more bitter than a December

Winter night

That's how I treated you

Coincidentally, it starts just like the first arc of Betrothed; getting Branch to let go of his bitterness and start warming up to Poppy. This first verse reflects Branch’s train of thought up until chapter 6:

We all know Branch ignored Poppy, belittled her, was rude to her because of superfluous details like their different upbringings (and yes, I do consider that to be superfluous because they already knew about that when they decided to unite both kingdoms) or superficial traits (i.e. Poppy being pink), during the first few chapters he didn’t treat her or view her as his equal! And judging by how this becomes a source of regret and shame to Branch, it doesn’t seem so crazy to believe he would mention this aspect of their relationship in a song meant to express his true feelings for her.

Then, it comes the second verse:

And I know that I

I sometimes tend to lose my temper

And I cross the line

Yeah that's the truth

Now this focuses more on describing an established flaw of Branch’s,  one he doesn’t display solely on Poppy, although she has been on the receiving end as well.

Branch has a relatively short temper. Simple as that.

He’s lost it at Poppy, especially before their breakthrough; he’s lost it at Mulberry whenever his antics went a little too far (like arguing with Arum in chapter 8, or accidentally bringing up Poppy’s refusal to kiss Branch in chapter 16), he’s, understandably, lost it at Creek (in this case it was a righteous anger, considering Creek’s attempts at getting under his skin or trying to steal Poppy from him)...

And as a result of his temper he crosses the line, something he ends up regretting one way or another. 

When it comes to the times Poppy’s been at the receiving end of his anger, the most notable example would be, no doubt about it, the mandolin. He threw it away when his mind was too clouded by anger to think things through and he came to regret it immediately, not only because it crushed Poppy and only made matters worse between them, but also because it became something that would be brought up ever since.

As for Creek, whenever Branch’s let his words and actions get under his skin, it’s always had disastrous consequences. 

Hadn’t Poppy taken things in stride, destroying the pedestal he built in chapter 10 would’ve made him look like an impatient brute.

In chapter 11 he was so blinded by his hurt and fury he didn’t hear Poppy and Suki approaching just as he punched Creek for taunting him, which led to a very serious argument with Poppy and a whole week of heartbreak for the two.

And, finally, in chapter 19, after finding out Creek tried to kiss Poppy while he was away, he almost killed him. And, as Creek pointed out, had he done it and his marriage with Poppy would forever be tainted by it, since Poppy would never be able to forgive Branch for killing him.

In other words, in this verse he’s acknowledging his flaws and apologising for them.

Now we have the bridge:

I know it gets hard sometimes

But I could never

Leave your side

No matter what I say

Again, if Branch were to sing this to Poppy, he’d be referencing how their marriage is a special case that required a lot of work before they became the power couple we they are today. Because, like all good things, they had to work very hard and compromise to achieve their happiness, but it was more than worth it. However, even if they are in love now, Branch is assuring Poppy that, no matter what, he will always fight for what they have, because he loves her and he can’t go back to living without her. 

Which brings us to the chorus:

'Cause if I wanted to go

I would've gone by now but

I really need you near me

To keep my mind off the edge

If I wanted to leave

I would've left by now

But you're the only one that knows me

Better than I know myself

Leaving aside that they were bound to being together for their respective kingdom’s sake, it is true that, if things between them were really as terrible as Branch originally made them out to be, he could’ve just kept on living his life separately from Poppy. But, despite everything, early chapters and later chapters referencing earlier ones show he had actually started warming up to her long before Poppy finally snapped. In chapter 4 he was momentarily cranky because Poppy wasn’t in bed with him, even silently debating whether pink was a good or a bad colour. In chapter 13 we found out he kept and fixed the invitation she made him (reflecting canon) and started working on a new mandolin for her (and since it was never cleared up just when exactly he started working on it, it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to believe it happened even before he fell for her). Not to mention, chapter 17 reveals Branch didn’t burn down the invitation because 1) it was customised for him, and 2) when he looked at it he felt somebody actually cared.

Another thing that proves that no matter how bad things get in their relationship Branch would never want to leave Poppy is chapter 12; as soon as he tries to claim she means nothing to him after she rejected him he berates himself for such a lie; she means the world to him. 

The chorus also reflects the special place in Branch’s heart Poppy holds: for a very long time, ever since they became closer, his wife is the only troll Branch allows himself to be vulnerable in front of. One of the best examples would be chapters 20 and 21.

In chapter 20, in contrast to his parents in chapter 12, who had to coax him into opening up about his problems with them; Branch voluntarily opened up to Poppy about Sprite’s situation after bonding together as a little family. In fact, Poppy never tried to force Branch to tell her what was wrong, she just wanted to cheer him up, which then resulted in him lowering his defenses enough to be honest and cry* in front of her. Something similar happened in chapter 21, Branch now trusts Poppy enough to actually let his guard down around her to the point he allows himself to have a panic attack in front of her! Something he hasn’t shown to anyone else! Pre-character development Branch would never!

*It should be noted that, while Branch has cried in front of others before (namely his parents), the amount of times he’s shown his vulnerable side to Poppy easily surpasses this.

The final verse of the chorus is the key: while they still have a long way to go before they can completely see eye to eye, Poppy knows Branch better than most people, even better than his fellow Forest trolls.

There’s also the third verse:

All along

I tried to pretend it didn't matter

If I was alone

This is obviously a part of Prince! Branch’s personality that is entirely faithful to canon Branch, but perhaps it may even be taken up to eleven with the added weight of a royal’s responsibilities on his shoulders.

One of the biggest contrasts between Poppy and Branch in Betrothed is the way they both try to hide their inner struggles from their people; Branch puts on an armor of seriousness and authority thanks to a perpetual scowl and abrasive personality, while Poppy hides her worries behind a positive attitude and a smile. 

However, as a result of their different upbringings, Poppy is more prone to asking for help when things become too much for her to handle, unlike Branch, who prefers to deal with things on his own. He pretends to be able to and prefer to handle the responsibilities and burdens of his status all by himself.

Thankfully, an important part of Poppy’s role in their relationship is showing Branch that he is not alone; he has her now and they are a team. As husband and wife they are in this together. Something it’s very clear Branch is very grateful for.

And then there’s the fourth verse:

Deep down I know

If you were gone

For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn

'Cause I'm lost without you

This verse,  this whole verse is chapter 12. Hands down.

Because Branch admitted several times throughout the chapter that he didn’t know what to do without Poppy. Just remembering what he loved about her was enough to almost have him breaking down in tears, the longer he was away from her, the grumpier he got; heck, he couldn’t even sleep without her in his arms!

And, just like the song says, this was all in one day! One day without his wife and he became a wreck!

Hang in there, fellas! We’re almost done!

Let’s analyse the fifth verse, shall we? I get kind of dark

Let it go too far

I can be obnoxious at times

But try and see my heart

This verse combines the several hints where Branch acted like he doesn’t think he’s good enough for Poppy due to past mistakes (namely, his line, “I don’t deserve you.” from chapter 20), and the details from his past we have yet to see. Because, hey, this is Trolls with a sped up Broppy and a little extra drama, we are bound to see some dark stuff.

And, finally, we have the sixth verse:

'Cause I need you now

So don't let me down

You are the only thing in this world

I would die without

Because Poppy is his everything. Because she’s the one person he’s always needed by his side, even when he didn’t know it. Because she’s the love of his life. And what better way to prove it than sing it to her?

So, yeah. If anyone were to ask me which song I think would best describe Branch and Poppy’s relationship in Betrothed from the former’s point of view,  I’d say, without an inch of a doubt, Better Than I Know Myself by Adam Lambert.

[plxnet-superior]

An Adventure in Feelings - Illinois x Reader

The only warning I have for this is swearing. This was really fun to write, and thank you to everyone who asked me to post it!

-------

"None of my other associates lasted this long before."

You're caked in a thin layer of dirt and sweat as Illinois hoists you up with him over the cave ledge. It's been hours down here, and honestly, he's been too excited about this adventure to really lay out all the details...something about gold, or a lost city, nothing you weren't used to by now, but that's all you'd managed to get out of him when he'd been rambling about it in the motel that morning anyway.

You didn't know what time it was either, your watch had cracked and broken after a rock fall earlier and there hadn't been so much as an inch of sunlight for miles.

"Well, maybe I'm just special." It's a half hearted reply, and you shrug gently in the dark, the action only just visible in the light emanating from your torch. The fire from it flickers and burns, and you take note of how low it's starting to get as you both continue to walk. There must be an end to this cave, surely, you'd checked your notebook over and over. The plans were fool-proof.

"Oh, you're more than special, sweetheart." There it is again. You'd gotten used to the flirting a while ago, but still there were occasions when it would take you by surprise. Usually, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging it, unless you were in a good mood and decided to flirt back a little, just to shut him up of course. It always worked, but still, there were moments when his carefree personality really did become dangerous.

--

"God, Illinois, just listen to me! We can't just stroll out of this one! I've done my research! It's dangerous." You're beyond pissed as he brushes off your warnings again and again, convinced that his own methods are superior. You're chasing him down a market street in Peru, notebook in hand as you try and show him your scribbles. "Stop, goddamn it!" He's much taller, and keeping up with him is always a struggle for you.

"Look, we'll be fine! Trust me, I've done it before and we can do it in a breeze, in and out, as always." What a narcissistic asshole. He wouldn't be saying that when you have to save his stupid backside...again. you sigh, loudly, and he finally stops.

"And I've done the math. Look! We don't know anything about these ruins, but they're near the shores and the tunnels are wide." You're talking fast, just to try and get anything, anything through to him. None of the locals pay attention as they move out of the way. "The map cuts off half way. We have no idea what comes after that! We can't just half ass it and hope for the best, not when we don't have enough information. Hell, the tunnels could already be flooded, and then it would all be for nothing." It seems like he's listening, and you both fall quiet for a moment.

"Sweeth--"

"Don't you 'sweetheart' me or I swear to g-"

"Ok! Ok! I get it, be more alert, don't walk into danger...yadda yadda..." He's giving you a headache already and it isn't even mid day, but you'll take what you can get. God forbid you did get into danger.

You both brush off the fact that you're angry at him quickly, he has that effect on you. But, when he stops paying attention in said ruins and thinks he's in the clear...he trips a wire. 'We can do it in a breeze' my ass.

You've never seen him mess up quite so badly before, but time seems to slow down for you as you watch the wall open up. It happens fast, you dive for him on instinct, entire body weight thrown at the adventurer, and if you hadn't of done it, he actually might have died, because you manage to take an arrow to the thigh just saving him. The rest clatter and break as they hit the opposite wall.

The pain doesn't hit you until you're practically on top of Illinois, and he's staring at you like a deer in the headlights. His smooth demeanor is back in a flash though, because he's realised the position you're both in, and apparently, it's very appealing on his end. "Well...I guess I must have falle--"

"D-don't you dare..." You warn him lowly, he isn't getting out of this one. At all. His face drops. There's tears in your eyes as you look at him, and then push yourself off and sit against the wall with a hiss, both in pain and anger, "You could have died."

"Hey-..." He tries, but then realises that you've taken a hit for him and goes quiet for a moment. He moves to crouch next to you, and inspects your leg. There's blood, but it isn't fatal. You're silent now too, but as he moves your leg into a better position, it doesn't stop you from crying out, the pained noise echoing off the walls, and the adventurers heart breaks, but he doesn't show it,

"You can be mad at me later just-- Let me patch you up sweetheart, ok?"

---

You still have the scar from that day. It's been months since then, and admittedly, he'd done a good job keeping you alive through the rest of that adventure. You never did yell at him afterwards, but in a rare display that next night, he came to you, knocking on your hotel door, apologising and almost begging for forgiveness after a nightmare. He didn't go into detail, and didn't need to, either.

In all honesty, it had terrified you to see him in such a mess, but it was clear that he cared, and clear that he was carrying a lot more emotional baggage on his shoulders than you originally believed. That single interaction had opened up the floodgates for a much stronger bond afterwards, and although it was never mentioned the day after, the pair of you quickly became inseparable, despite the fact he'd warned you against getting too attached when you first met.

And now, in Columbia and on another adventure, everything was back to being as it should be. Illinois was still a cocky bastard, and there were still close calls, but you always made sure he knew what you were both getting into, because, after all, he still seemed to have an affinity for wandering out of the way of imminent death.

However, when you watched him do his thing, stepping in and out of traps with such suave energy, it only reminded you of how scared you really were. Scared for him, because you'd started putting his life above your own, and you worried more for him than yourself. That kind of attachment was terrifying, when you finally clicked on to what that must mean for you.

A voice, his voice, replays in your head as you finally approach the gates to the lost city. There's clearly a puzzle to get through, but you're too busy lost in thought to listen to Illinois try and explain it. It's just one sentence, the same thing he'd said to you after you first met,

"Oh, and sorry if you fell in love with me...they always do..."