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i-am-baechu · 6 months

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♡ Summary: I wanna say, "Without you, everything's wrong" And you were everything I needed all along...

♡ Pairing: Exes; Idol! Jung Hoseok! x Reader

♡ Rating: Pg - 14

♡ Genre: Romance and angst

♡ Authors Note: I am not dead. I had a hard time writing until today. I'm sorry the wait but just know I love you guys : )

"No matter where you go, you will always be in my heart." - Anthony T. Hincks

Hoseok sat in his studio finishing up the last touches his song needed when he heard a knock. A small whisper telling the person to come in floated into the room and Yoongi came in holding a letter. He turned towards his friend and raised his eyebrow at the envelope, “What’s that?”

Yoongi glanced down at the envelope and then back at him, “It’s from Y/N.”

Hoseok's eyes widened and stood up from his chair, nearly knocking it down. He slowly walked towards him and looked down at the envelope. It was addressed to Hoseok but maybe the mailman got them mixed up. It happened all the time and this time it felt like a sign from the universe somehow. He looked up at Yoongi who nodded his head and Hosoek took it out of his hand.

He gently opened and read the letter with pure nervousness in his eyes,

Dear Hoseok,

You're probably shocked to hear from me. I was so nervous writing this but I thought it would do me good to write this to you. Next month, I’m getting married. I know it's been two years since you broke up with me but writing this is the closure I need. You were my first love. I loved you so much to the point I almost dropped out of college to go with you on tour. I would’ve done anything for you and maybe that's where everything went wrong. We both can easily say venomous things but I won’t because, at one point, I loved you. It was beautiful till the end.

I know you said we're friends still but let’s face it, we became strangers. Your busy life pushed me to the side and my new life without you was born. I’ve known you since we were kids and I always thought we would walk down the aisle together but life likes to erase old ideas to make room for the new ones. There were moments where I asked myself, what happened? I realized that it was just life. Life always goes by so fast, that you become a blur to me and vice versa.

Hoseok, thank you for loving me for six long years. I know it's inappropriate but your mom said you were coming to the wedding and I had no idea if you knew I was engaged. I’m saying this now, you don’t have to come. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and I won’t be insulted. That was another reason why I had to write this letter. Your mom saying you were coming made my life flash before my eyes and it made me nervous. Then I realized that our story ended at the bridge. We have two separate stories that we are creating separately but we still have connections in our stories no matter what. I’m so proud of your story and all the accomplishments you have achieved. It’s amazing. You always amazed me.

I’m sorry for putting you in this spot, it makes me feel sick. I didn’t want this to happen but I knew I had to write to you before your mom did. Please text me, Yoongi has my number. Again, you don’t have to come. I won’t be insulted. I know this letter is just me rambling but I honestly had no idea how to start it or end it. I’m so sorry that you're in this position.

Y/N

Hoseok looked up from the letter and stared at the carpet underneath him. He had no idea how he was feeling at the moment. He felt his heart break. It was selfish to think that he had a second chance with her. The last time he talked to her was last year and he never responded to her because he forgot after being so busy. He knew it was his own fault but it was so hard to accept it.

“Hoseok are you okay?”

“Did you know that she was getting married?”

Hoseok looked up with a frown as Yoongi looked at him with shocked eyes, “I didn’t even know she was engaged.”

“Can you save my stuff? I need some time to myself.”

Yoongi nodded his head and he walked out with the letter in his hand. He walked down the long hall with eyes clouded with memories. Everything around him was silent. He ignored Namjoon’s wave and Taehyung’s warm smile. There was nothing that could bring him back to reality. He sat at the lunch court and he smiled to himself when he remembered their first date during high school.

“Hoseok, are you sure this is okay?”

Hoseok rolled his eyes and nodded his head, “Let me pay for it, it's what boyfriends do.”

Y/N raised her eyebrow and watched him pay for their food. She let out a shy laugh, “I didn’t know you were my boyfriend.”

“I asked you out yesterday, that means I’m your boyfriend.”

Y/N smiled and sat at the table with Hoseok in front of her, “Are you really my boyfriend now?”

“Yeah...unless you don’t want me.”

She shook her head and placed her hand on top of his, “I want you to be my boyfriend. You know I've liked you since I was eight.”

He took a sip of his soda and smiled at this, “I have liked you since I was seven.”

“Seok, this isn’t a competition.”

“Says you.”

She rolled her eyes and he couldn’t help but smile at her. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek as he felt the warmth of her skin. Her eyes widened and he sat down acting like nothing happened. She placed her hand on her cheek and a wide grin appeared, “You kissed me....”

“Of course I kissed you, I’ve been waiting to do that since I was a kid.”

“I hope you’ll give me more.”

He walked out with the rain softly grazing his skin. It wasn’t pouring but it was enough to annoy someone with glasses. He continued to walk with the letter in his jacket pocket. There were so many regrets he had in his life and one of them was breaking up with Y/N. He did it because things were so busy and he felt like he brought her down. She was right, she would’ve done anything to be with him. She was going to drop out of college to be with him and he remembered that conversation like it was yesterday. It was the start of the end for them.

The silence in the living room was something he wasn’t used to. Y/N was staring down at the carpet as Hoseok was staring at her with a harsh look. She just told him that he was going to drop out of college so she could be with him during the tour. How could she just do that? He knew how important college was to her, why would she drop out?

“Y/N, you can’t drop out.”

She shook her head and stood up with a scoff, “You can’t tell me what to do Hoseok.”

He glared at her and stood up staring down at her, “You’ve been fighting to get into this school for so long, why do you want to drop out?”

“Because I want to be with you!”

“Do you know how stupid that is!? You have a phone, you can text me and Facetime me. You don’t have to be by my side all the time.”

She glared at him and started walking away but before she left, she glanced at him over his shoulder, “You're all I have left...Hoseok. I’m sorry that I want to be with my boyfriend.”

He watched her go into their shared bedroom and he sighed loudly to himself. He sat back down on the couch with him staring at the ceiling, “Fuck.”

He walked into the bedroom to see her crying on the side of the bed. He sighed and sat at the end of the bed, “Y/N...you can’t drop out of college for me. We’ll make it work.”

“B-But Hoseok, you won’t have time for me...”

Hoseok shook his head and turned his head towards her, “If you drop out of college for me, the amount of guilt I would carry would kill me.”

Y/N sat up in her spot and looked at him with a frown, “You're all I have left...”

“Trust me...we’ll make it work.”

He sat at the bench staring out into the pond watching the water dancing with the rain. He lied to her that night. Well, kind of. He did try his best to make it work but he fell flat and paid more attention to work than he did to her. She tried everything with him but he was so focused on the melodies that he lost track of time. The unread messages only piled up more and he didn’t even notice until it was too late. He made her face her fear of abandonment and it was all his fault.

He walked home ignoring the buzzing in his pocket and the rain hitting his head. He placed his hand on the railing when he realized he was on the same bridge. The same bridge that witnessed their break up and of course it was raining like that night. It was as if the universe was punishing him for his actions and he would gladly accept it.

Y/N stared at him with wide eyes and dropped his hand, “Yo-You what?”

“Y/N...I think we should break up.”

She stared at him and then looked out into the river ignoring his eyes, “Why?”

“I just been so busy-”

“You said we would make it work...was that just a lie?”

Hoseok sighed and leaned against the railing, “Y/N-”

“No, I tried everything to be with you. Why do you want to leave me?”

As she finished her sentence, water droplets started to come down and the light around them finished off the scene. Hoseok knew the decision he was making was the right one, “Y/N...I can’t do this anymore. You're better off without me.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

Y/N wiped her eyes and shook her head, “You really want to break up? Hoseok, is this what you want?”

Hoseok looked her into her eyes and nodded his head, “We have to...it would make both of our lives easier.”

She let out a small gasp and she walked backward from him, “Easier? Was I just a burden in your life?”

“That’s not what I meant...stop making this so hard. You can focus on college and I can focus on my music. If we are meant to be together then we will find our way back to each other.”

He looked away when he saw a tear drop from her eye, “Fine....”

“We can be friends...I still care for you Y/N.”

“Give me some time...I-I...I will always care for you Hoseok. Don’t forget about me.”

He didn’t mean to forget, it was just that life was a blur. Making music, tours, etc. just got to him. He would look at her Instagram but even then that became less. He gave her false hope and in a sense, he gave himself the same hope. He sat in his room and grabbed his phone, Hey Yoongi, can I have Y/N’s number?

Hoseok sat in the cafe as he stared down into his coffee with a blank expression. He was nervous, he was seeing his first love after years of not talking. It was nerve-wracking. Anyone would be nervous. He didn’t really have a plan for this meeting and he didn’t even have a plan for what he was going to say. He felt stupid for doing this.

He ran his fingers through his hair roughly and he heard the door chime and he looked to see Y/N. She looked the same but more mature. Her aura changed, it wasn’t the same girl that was nervous to be by herself. It was a woman who was confident. He stood up and their eyes met and she sent him a smile, “Hoseok, it's so good to see you.”

Hoseok nodded his head and he felt nervous, “Yeah, it's good to see you too.”

She walked towards him and gave him a quick hug. When she let go, her smile remained on her face, “I was shocked to receive a call from you.”

“Sorry, it was so late.”

She let out a laugh and shook her head. She pulled out the chair and sat down, “Do-yun woke me up to answer it. He thought it was funny.”

Hoseok sat back down and nodded his head while he was biting his lip, “Do-yun, is that your fiance?”

She smiled and nodded her head, “Yeah...he was shocked to hear that you're my ex-boyfriend. When he asked me out, he tried rapping because he thought that’s what I liked. It was cute. Why did you invite me here?”

"Without you, everything's wrong" And you were everything I needed all along...He glanced away and then back into her eyes. He could see pure happiness in them. It was clear that she was so happy. Maybe it was supposed to be this way. He wished he could say I wish that you never left but that wouldn’t matter. He swallowed the lump in his throat and gave her a soft smile, “You seem so happy, Y/N.”

“I am Hoseok...”

He nodded his head and looked down at his coffee, “I’ll come to your wedding.”

Her eyes widened at this and she leaned forward with worry in her eyes, “Are you sure?”

“I want to support you.”

She smiled at this and placed her hand on top of his, “Thank you, Hoseok. Now your mom doesn’t have to drag you to the wedding.”

“She would do that...are you excited to get married?”

“I am...Do-yun was the one that told me to send you the letter.”

Hoseok looked at her with a raised eyebrow with confusion written on his face, “Why?”

“He said that you deserved to know from me before your mom told you. It would feel like a slap to the face and I didn’t want you to feel like I didn’t care about you. I still care for you.”

He nodded his head, “That was nice of him.”

She felt her phone buzzing and her eyes widened, “I’m so sorry Hosek, Do-yun needs me for wedding planning. He’s scared to make a final decision on the cake because he knows I’m picking. If you change your mind about the wedding just tell me. I won’t be offended.”

“I won’t change my mind.”

She smiled and nodded her head, “I’ll see you at the wedding then.”

“Yeah, I'll see you then.”

She waved at him and he watched her run out of the cafe with a frown on his face. He watched her through the glass and he shook his head. She looked so happy. If he couldn’t be happy for himself, he would be happy for her.

⋆˙⟡ ♡

The wedding was beautiful. Y/N was dressed in pure white with delicate flowers on her skirt that shined under the spotlight. Her hair was perfect and the same goes with her make-up. She looked so beautiful. Hoseok stood in the back of his suit as he had another drink. He watched the couple kiss with the crowd cheering loudly.

He turned around and decided it was time to leave. He went towards the guest book and stared at the blank page. He sighed to himself and picked up the pen, “I wish you the best - Hoseok” He dropped the pen and glanced through the door to see Y/N dancing with Do-yun. He smiled to himself and walked away with the soft piano playing as his footsteps echoed through the long hall. I wish you the best Y/N...I’m sorry for everything. I’m so glad I can see you smile once more and have pure love in your eyes. You deserve it...I love you...and that’s my problem. I love you and good luck.

#bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts jungkook #bts namjoon #bts seokjin #bts taehyung #bts jimin #bts yoongi #bts x reader #Bts #jung hoseok #bts hoseok x reader #hoseok x reader #bts fanfction

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hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall · 5 months

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Sweet past - ch.2

Summary: You and Joel catch up, trying to avoid the crucial topic. It doesn't always work.

Pairing: dbf!Joel x reader

Warnings: mention of death, foul language, angst.

AN: This will be angsty for a while, so buckle up...

Masterlist Chapter 1

He did indeed stock you up. He brought you some coffee, sugar, and milk. You smiled softly at the way he remembered how you drank it. There was some food and soda as well. Typical Joel. Always worrying about everyone he deemed close. And when you thanked him, he waved his hand at you, dismissing the nice gesture.

“Here,” he nodded, thanking you for the coffee. You were both sitting at the table in the kitchen. A four-people, oval, little table that your mom has chosen for a morning coffee. You were happy to see it was still there. “How are you? How's Sarah?” Were you postponing the talk? Sure, but it wasn’t anything anyone would want to talk about. Ever.

“Sarah is well. She's at Uni, doing her big girl things.” You chuckled softly at that. “She's fucking smart, you know? I don't know where she gets it from.” He jokes and you roll your eyes.

“You still don't give yourself enough credit.” He raised his brow, but you kept your ground. It was astonishing how someone like Joel fucking Miller was not able to see how incredible he was.

A single father that has raised his daughter into not only an amazing, strong woman but a damn good human being. He was able to create his own company with his brother while being a single parent. And on top of that, he was such an amazing friend to your dad and a great supporting system for you. He was your biggest friend and you were never embarrassed to call him that.

“And you are still as sweet as I remember” He winked at you, trying to switch the tone of the conversation a bit. He took a deep breath and you frowned seeing him getting nervous. “I kind of adopted a girl…” your eyes widened, almost spitting a coffee you just took a sip of. “Her name is Ellie and she's 15. It's a long story for another day, but yeah, at least I'm not alone since Sarah left.” You smiled at that, happy that he had it going on for him.

“Maybe I should not have left him alone then…” you didn't know where that came from. It was you who started the topic of Joel's life not to talk about it and yet here you were.

“Don't do that, kid,” Joel murmured, looking at you with the same softness you missed so much. “You left because you needed to. He made you leave. And if you want my opinion, it was a good thing you did. He was able to stand back on his own two feet. You, leaving? It gave him a boost to realize it was the time to stop being a jerk.”

“I hear ya, Joel.” You muttered, your voice shaky with emotions. “I know I had a reason for leaving, but I can't stop thinking if he would still be…” you choked on your words and closed your eyes to get back in control. “I sent him money every month. I told him I'll stop if he comes back to drinking… I didn't want him to think he was nothing but a bother to me. I thought I would be able to help him.”

“You did help him”

“He's fucking dead!” You shouted, standing up from the table, ignoring the chair falling. You knew you were being unfair toward the man in front of you, but the imaginary barrier that was blocking your feelings had finally slipped. “He's dead because I was too proud and left a man in need alone! What kind of a daughter does that? Tell me Joel!” Heavy, angry tears were running down your cheeks. “He hated me so much that he didn't even tell me he was sick!” Before you were able to do anything else, you were pulled into the strong and always protective arms of his best friend. His hand on the back of your back, softly patting it, kissing the side of your head. “I'm so fucking selfish!” You continued, so angry at yourself. Your fingers clenched into the fabric of his shirt. “You lost your best friend. And you have been nothing but supportive all my life and I'm such a bitch!” Joel chuckled softly and his hug tightened.

“You're neither selfish nor a bitch!” He took a step back and looked into your eyes. His were so soft and supportive, it made you sob a bit more. “You're human and that is normal. But…” his voice got stern and you swallowed, thinking you had done something really bad. “Try not to use that language in front of Sarah and Ellie. Especially Ellie.” You raised your brow and for the first time since he called, you laughed. The way his expression changed, he looked like a typical tired single father of a teenage girl.

“She's giving you trouble?”

“Don't even get me started…” He pulled you towards the couch in the living room. Pushing the touchy subject just a little bit further away, he ordered some pizza and told you all about how Ellie became such a huge part of his and Sarah's life.

***

“She seems delightful!” You chuckled at the story Joel told you. Ellie was most definitely a mischief. He found her running away from yet another temporary house. Something about the couple there being so boring. They bumped into each other while he was shopping. She made him a part of some monologue of her own, forcing him to listen and lose sense of reality. She talked that much and with no sense at all, that he didn't even notice when he paid for her stuff. Before he was able to say anything she was gone, only a booming laugh could be heard in the distance.

The second time she bumped into him was near a playground. He was too tired to remember her, but apparently, she remembered him quite well. With no worry, she just once again started talking. She was quite witted and to Joel's surprise, she didn't annoy him that much. Sure she talked a lot but she had a weird sense of humor and he enjoyed her presence. She told him about a book she wanted but the new couple didn't want to buy her as they had a stick up their asses - her words not his. Joel forced himself not to laugh at the seriousness on an 11-year-old's face.

“So you bought her the book?” You exclaimed, shaking your head in disbelief.

“A part of me hoped that she would leave me the hell alone if I did, but yeah, she seemed to want it and it didn't seem like she would stay with that couple for a long time.” You rolled your eyes but smirked at him to continue. “I think she went through what was it like 8 couples?” He frowned and got serious for a minute, sipping his beer. He did buy you everything, even some beer for the evenings. “Ellie… she's kind of difficult, but she is a good kid. She's great, you know?” He chuckled nervously. “She just doesn't trust easily, you know ?”

“Well, I know someone very similar.” You winked at him and he rolled his eyes at your suggestive tone. “She sounds lively. I'd love to meet her if you'll let me.”

“Of course, you're family, I want you to meet her”, your eyes widened and tears appeared in your eyes again. Deep down you knew that what Joel said was true, but hearing it coming directly from him was something completely different. Especially now, when you are alone in this world. No family left, no real friends. You never really had time for that. Even when you moved you focused on working to be able to send your father some money. Sure, you had colleagues, but that was it. “Kid, you're OK?” You looked up, hearing concern in his voice. You raised your hand when he wanted to get up and walk towards you.

“I think I'm a bit emotional lately. Sorry about that!” It was your turn now to chuckle nervously. You took a deep breath and smiled softly at him. “I'm just relieved that I have you in my life, Joel.” His eyes widened and he frowned. “When I left I was afraid you won't want to talk to me anymore. But here you are calling me a family when I abandoned you all…”

“You haven't…”

“I know” you interrupted him, swallowing harder, trying to control your beating heart. Your aching heart, thanks to this man hasn't broken into pieces yet. “All this is new and painful right now and what I want to say is that … I'm just happy you are by my side.” You both jumped when his phone rang. A frustrated sigh left his lip but he frowned and picked up.

“Ellie?” You smiled at the way his tone changed dramatically after that annoyed look he had just seconds ago. You got up and collected the empty bottles from the beer. You wondered if Joel had cleaned the home before you came back. Everything looked too clean to have been kept that way by your father.

Your heart beats faster, thinking about that man. You met him when you were almost 13 and you moved here with your parents. A house they always dreamed of and you couldn't be more happy moving from a one-bedroom flat to an actual home.

You met Sarah before you were able to meet Joel. She was playing around in the garden, she was 4 and full of energy. Joel had bought her a little pool where she could splash during hot days.

You are still unsure what possessed you to go there but after giving your mom some puppy eyes you went to the house where Sarah was playing happily in the water. It was 4 houses away from yours so it wasn't that far for your parents to worry.

“I love your pool!” You exclaimed and apologized when she jumped hearing you out of nowhere. She frowned slightly, and now when you remembered, she looked just like her own father. You introduced yourself then, smiling brightly at a little girl. You always wanted a younger sibling. But your mother couldn't have any more kids and so you were raised by yourself. “I and my parents just moved in. Can I play with you?” And this was the beginning of your friendship either Sarah. Being 9 years older, you finally had a little sister and Sarah had a big sibling as she always wanted.

You met Joel the same day, a couple of minutes after you started to play with Sarah. You still remember the softness in his eyes when he noticed you playing with his kid. The little, gentle “sweetheart” he called you then. The way he kneeled next to the two of you, splashing you both with water. He didn't mind you were a random kid from the neighborhood. All he cared about was that you played with his little girl.

Later on, your parents met him, when they came to pick you up. He was invited to a dinner, after that, you were invited for Sarah's birthday and it went like that. Joel has become a huge part of your family's life and yours. When you turned to that awkward teenage years, before all went to shit, he was that cool family friend who you spoke to about all these awkward things. He was the one who picked you up from your first drunk night and listened to you crying about your first breakup. He was also the one who threw condoms into your bag one day when you started to date. Something you picked up on with Sarah, for which he was very thankful. It was one thing to be a cool friend to you, but he wasn't as OK with all these when it came to Sarah.

There was a moment in your young life when Joel Miller was your best friend. Your parents used to laugh that you would spend more time at his place than yours. To your surprise, he didn't mind, when your dad asked him if you ain't a bother.

“She's a cool kid. Don't worry about it.” Being called cool kid when you were 17 by someone like Joel, was the best fucking feeling in the entire world. Spending so much time with him of course led your stupid innocent heart to fall for him. You knew he was too old for you, after all, he was 30 while you were just a teenager. Despite the young age, you were smart enough to keep that attraction to yourself. His friendship and support were much more worth than your romantic feelings towards him.

It all dramatically changed when your mother died. It was an accident. A drunk driver hit her car. Of course, nothing has happened to him, but your mother didn't survive. Here brain stopped working after a week in hospital. And just like that, all your life changed.

Your father was in such despair that he completely forgot that he had a 21-year-old daughter. He would just sit in front of the TV and eat. Joel would come from time to time to take him out somewhere. You were thankful for that. Not only did it give you some time to yourself to mourn - after all you did lose your mother - but also cleaned up the house a bit.

But the more time flew the less power even Joel had over your father. The old man got so depressed that he stopped working, losing the job altogether. He didn't leave the house and showered only when he got that extra energy. And he started drinking.

In the beginning, it wasn’t much. Just a beer to the movie. Later it turned into 3 up to 5 beers a night. When these didn't help with the pain he changed into whiskey, but that was too expensive so he switched to vodka. Not only was it cheap but it was easiest to get drunk on. And when he was drunk, he just let himself forget. And when he forgot, well he forgot about everything.

He forgot that he had a daughter who needed to quit college to find a full-time job. And after a while another one. A daughter that at the age of 22 was working two jobs around 70 hours a week. A daughter who was acting more like a nurse and a cleaning lady than his child. He forgot that he was once a stoic man, with a big heart and gentle voice.

It started with an angry comment about something you didn't do. Then that comment turned into insults that became more and more painful to hear. After that came the shouting. He would shout at you for any minor inconvenience. Normally it was when there was not enough vodka in the fridge.

You became a shell of a person. At the age of almost 25, you looked like you were close to 50. Bags under your eyes, skinny as a stick, white like a ghost. Joel would come to visit as much as he could. But Sarah was in high school when she was thinking of going to college. His own company had an extra job and he had to ask Tommy to become his partner. He still came to visit. He would try to talk to your dad, but the man was a shell, non-responsive.

And it broke his heart completely seeing you. Well, at least when he got a chance to. You were never home. And even when you were, you were on your way out, or too busy cleaning and taking care of your drunk father. And yet, even then he remembered you would talk with Sarah when she needed it or help her with her applications. He wasn't sure how you were able to function and he was fearing the moment that it would all be too much for you.

It was on your birthday, of all days. You were turning 26 and Joel wanted to make sure that it would be the best day of your life. You remembered how he would bring that cake, how he disappeared in your father's room and made him take a shower and look decent for once. You took a day off to sleep. Even Sarah came that day. They bought you a new phone, your last one broke a while ago and there was no way you would be able to afford a new one with how everything looked at home. You cried happy tears, finally smiling, hugging them both.

But it all went to shit when you lost sight of your father. He used that moment to go to his love and get a bottle of vodka hidden under the bed. When he walked down the stairs he was already drunk. A bottle was almost empty. He looked at the phone in your hand and the hell broke.

Thinking you spent the money by yourself he started shouting and swearing at you. Joel tried to calm him down, but you begged him not to interfere and leave. You would take care of your father. He was your problem, and Joel and Sarah have seen enough. And as they were leaving, you walked them to the doors, a bottle was thrown right next to you, trashing into the wall. You still remember the silence after that and then, just like that, you felt a slap on your cheek. An angry move from your drunken father, who felt like he owned you. What he saw was his daughter being disrespectful for turning around while he was shouting at you.

You have never seen Joel as angry. He ordered Sarah to go back home and he shoved the man you used to call dad away from you. You remember that as if it happened yesterday. You remember how you weren't even able to cry. You just stood there unable to comprehend what just happened. And then your brain caught up to what happened. And you have had enough. You went to your room. When Joel came to see you, you apologized that he had to see it. You do not remember much of what was said. But you remember you spent the night, after he left, writing letters. One to Sarah, one to Joel, and one to him. And you left. Packed the most important stuff and left. When you saw a bus ticket to Washington, you just bought it and went for it.

Life wasn't easy, but at least you were free. Free from the man you hated, but caged by the past and the fact that you still loved him and couldn't just leave him. And so you sent him the money. What he did with them was up to him. He was an adult. You just wanted to shut that conscious up.

“Ellie says hi!” You jumped and turned around. Joel hid his phone momentarily and jogged toward you, seeing tears in your eyes. How many times will you cry in front of him, before he gets tired of it? You were too afraid to even think that. You were sure that if you had lost Joel, you would have fallen apart. “It's late, sweetheart. How about we get you to bed and we will deal with whatever that is tomorrow?” You nodded and leaned into him, letting him take care of you. You trusted him and wanted nothing more than for this day to end. You have fallen asleep thankful for Joel to be a part of your life once again.

#joel miller #joel miller tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fic #tlou #angst #fanfiction #pedrohub #pedrostories #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction

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groenendaelfic · 1 month

Note

I have quite literally not stopped thinking about the basket baby snippet since you posted it! I'm happy to wait but can I be cheeky and ask for any more tidbits, how ever tiny, about the basket baby fic? Like baby name reveal, another snippet, chapter 2 outline...anything at all please I will give you my first born child! (I am amypond on ao3 btw - happy for you to publish this ask)

ah basket baby! Thank you for not forgetting, and of course you can always ask. I love basket baby. One day it will even be born. Why oh why can't I write fic full time, I would be so much more productive and efficient 😅

For a few very foolish seconds Simon considers naming the baby Wilhelm.

He loves Wilhelm and he misses him, can't imagine what he must have been going through this past year, alone safe for the very much not amused Royal Court, no doubt at some estate hidden away in the countryside, not even allowed the familiarity of his own rooms.

He also hates Wilhelm. For not finding a way to tell him, to have them be together, because surely, surely it can't be that impossible, can it?

Except of course it can. Simon's mom was accosted by Royal Court lawyers at work, and that was them being nice. It is exactly that impossible.

Tears spring to his eyes. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. It'd hurt to much. It'll hurt anyway, holding the baby in his arms, knowing it's the only part of Wilhelm he'll ever get to hold again.

He already loves the child more than his own life, and the more he looks at the tiny, scrunched up face getting ready to cry, the more he can see Wilhelm reflected in it.

He shifts his grip, pulls the baby closer and hums a melody he hopes is soothing. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. The baby is not Wilhelm, and it deserves better, deserves its own name. One which isn't a constant reminder of its unreachable parent.

Not that he'd be allowed. No matter how popular the name Wilhelm in all its forms has remained in Sweden ever since Wilhelm was born. The Royal Court would not allow it, and Simon can't risk angering them before the baby isn't officially his and he has the paperwork to prove it.

So not Wilhelm then, he thinks, as the baby bursts into tears. Simon would give anything to be able to cry along, to crumble and break, but he's a father now and his child comes first, even if he has no clue what to do.

He just put on a fresh diaper with the patient help of his mom and it can't be time for another bottle.

"He can sense that you're upset," his mom explains when he asks, and oh doesn't that suck.

He doesn't put the baby back in its basket however, nor does he hand it to his mom. Instead he cuddles it closer and starts humming again.

His precious, precious child. His and Wilhelm's.

A tear rolls down his face. He's hurt and angry and scared, hating the Royal Court and the world and everything for being so absolutely, thoroughly unfair.

Everything except his baby, who is innocent and beautiful and perfect.

It didn't ask to be born, and certainly not into a family like this, to a legacy like this. The monarchy is not its only legacy however, and suddenly Simon knows what he's going to call it.

Not a Swedish name. Nothing to tie it to the long line of ancestors who want nothing to do with it. Not Carl or Magnus or Gustav. Not Erik either, or at least not as a first name.

Something Spanish. Something to ensure his child will never consider itself an unwanted royal bastard too embarrassing to be acknowledged.

Something powerful. A reminder that he is also part Venezuelan, and that that is something to be proud of.

Yes. He'll name the baby after his maternal grandmother. There is no person living or dead he can think of who is stronger or more determined in the face of hardship than his abuela.

It will make her happy, it will make him happy, and if royals can do it, then he can do it, too. Only better and with less toxicity, less historical baggage to weigh it down.

He'll make sure no one will ever compare his precious baby boy to anyone. Will ensure he'll get to pave his own path however he wants. He loves his child, his and Wilhelm's, and whatever he can do to keep it safe he will.

"Alejandro," he tells his mother, and because he can't ignore Wilhelm's one single request adds, "Alejandro Erik Eriksson."

For a moment he considers using the Spanish version for Erik as well, if only out of spite, but that wouldn't be fair to Wilhelm. That, and it would remind him too much of his mom's favorite singer.

His mother bites her lip and nods.

It's the right choice. The only choice, and Simon can only hope little Alejandro will think so, too.

#basket baby #ask me anything #young royals #wilmon #fic snippet #young royals fic

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bambi-kinos · 2 months

Note

Sorry, long ask.

Do you think that Paul really remembers John? Like his John that he fell in love with because John's been dead for more years than he's been alive, they cut ties in the later twenties then like 10 years Paul had new memories and great success with Wings and a family and he didn't play Beatles songs then. But it was more than 40 years ago and Paul at least at some point has said that he doesn't remember the 60's + he seem quite unsure of John and his true feeling about each other, he quite often said like he asking himself if "we hated each other or if it was true" like he's needed to see "McLennon" videos and pictures of themselves to really see, yes it was real. So I'm asking this because I know Paul is a genius and almost super human but he is human and most people actually don't remembers things that long.. So what do you think? I must say I do hope he does.

How much do we remember the people we love after they've passed?

My grandfather died last year. Peacefully, he was surrounded by people who loved him. My memories of him are of taking care of him in his last days. Visiting him, talking to him, telling him we loved him. He was ready to go and we knew that. He was tired and wanted to go on to the next step. So those are my predominant memories of him. He was very worn out. It wasn't until I witnessed the decline that I realized what it means to be a "shadow of yourself."

He wasn't always like that. I knew him when he could get around on his own, before the damage from the polio came back. I knew him when he taught me chess. I knew him when he made popcorn for me and taught me how to tune a radio. I remember hugging him when I wasn't even up to his hip. But those memories are very faded. When my oldest sister lived at home, he came by our house and he hung up her ceiling fan in her bedroom. I remember walking in and seeing the new fan sitting on the floor but I don't remember him being there. My mom had to confirm that for me.

And I wonder, what other things did I do with my grandfather that I don't remember? What all did we do? Where did we go, what was it like? He took us to the ocean once but I only have photos. I don't remember it happening.

But I know he loved us. He was an excellent grandfather, he was so well suited to the part. He liked being with us, he taught us new things, he took care of us. He loved us, he was so proud of us whenever we did anything.

So if you don't remember someone or you rediscover memories you forgot....that doesn't mean you stop loving them. Memory is fallible but love is just as much an act as it is a feeling. Paul reviewing photos, seeing the remastered video, watching John dance his silly dances. It all came back to him. That John loved him, even if Paul doesn't remember every little thing. Paul can love John without needing to remember every little thing. He's made his entire career a monument to loving John.

Paul's uncertainty regarding John is in part a reaction to what everyone around him has been screaming at him for decades and because of John himself. He's been taunted and blamed and told repeatedly, for decades, that John hated him from the moment he saw him and that he was only useful to John as a business partner. John himself created and drove a great deal of this narrative. Hence his dismay that Paul took him seriously when John told him to stop coming around. "I didn't mean it like that." John had to put this out in a media interview because he was so scared of talking to Paul (because he understood his part in the whole thing) that he couldn't call on the phone and tell Paul that he was sorry. Paul wasn't lucky like me, he didn't have more good memories to overwrite the other good memories.

Paul is old and human memory is fallible. His last interactions with John were terrible. How does he square that with Yoko telling him "no, John really did love you" and interviewers saying "he missed you, it was so obvious." It was obvious to everyone but Paul who only get a hostile angry John who wanted hurt him.

But that's why the videos and photos matter. It will happen to all of us someday. That's why we need to take photos, take videos, everything. There needs be a record of love so we can remember love. That's why Paul released Eye of the Storm, so he can remember the time when John loved him. The stage interviews with Conan are an exercise in watching a man wrapping memories around himself like a blanket.

Paul does remember bits and pieces of the 1960s. He remembers writing "Mr. Kite" with John. He remembers tripping with John. It's the mundane stuff that he misses I bet. Age takes those memories away first, the little things.

Paul may only remember bits and pieces of the John he fell in love with, the John who took care of him and loved him back. But he has the photos. He has the videos. Even if he doesn't remember them exactly, he can look at them and he can know that John loved him once. He's holding on to that as tightly as he can.

And like Paul always says: he can feel John's presence. John is with him in one way or another. That in of itself must be very comforting.

#if you love someone #tell them now #don't wait #don't leave your business unfinished because you may not get the chance to do it over #don't leave your love to wither and die because your loved ones are the people who suffer most #mclennon #anonymous asks #talktalktalk

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moonxmagix · 1 year

Text

Daddy's Girl NSFW

Pairing: Frank Iero x Fem Reader

CW: Age gap, teacher frank, student reader, light smut, daddy issues, soft frank, underage drinking, mentions of the word daddy, def sexual tension

Summary: Frank is your teacher and you two hit it off. Y/N has heavy daddy issues and Frank takes you in. He treats you like what your childhood self deserved, safety and love.

A/N: This is VERY long. I wrote 11 pages on Google Docs so I'm very sorry LMAO. It might be a bit wordy and not super smutty if thats okay. I wanted to write something softer in nature. Also apologize if there are any grammar mistakes. :)

Reblogs appreciated!

~^~^~^~^

As I sat there in an uncomfortable school chair, surrounded by the ghosts of my past, I stared out the window that was covered in rain. The day was gloomy, constant thundering and on and off downpour. I tapped my foot up and down while playing with my bunny keychain as my anxiety washes over me. School always made me anxious and hate myself, constantly feeling at battle with myself and others.

It was my senior year and I just turned 18, so all I had to do was wait to get out of here. Kinda like prison if you think about it. Our school had uniforms and if anything that was the best part about this place, not to mention it looked like some old money school for rich kids. Which was funny because a lot of the kids here come from nothing, like me.

My drug addicted mother raised me semi alone, meaning that she constantly had men in and out of her life. My real father left when I was only a few months old so I never had that strong, protective father figure in my life. I craved someone to love me, hold me tight, whatever fathers do with their daughters. My moms boyfriends that were long term, aka 6 months, would try their best to be there for me but as soon as I got comfortable with them they were gone.

I tried to stay out of relationships out of fear that the same cycle would happen to me.

“Y/N? Are you listening?” Mr. Iero said, pulling me out of my daze. My head quickly turned to him, almost embarrassed, “Yes sir, sorry.” He turned back to board, continuing the lesson. Mr. Iero was my english/music teacher, he taught both. The first day I walked into his class I had a massive crush on, like journaling and daydreaming about him crush. I never made advances to him because what would he think?

I can’t get him in trouble and I can’t jeopardize my education for some man. I once again zoned out heavily, staring out the window. I watched as a father checked out his daughter early for school it seems, hugging each other under the umbrella as they smiled together. I sighed, rolling my eyes at the sight. Almost disgusting to me but that's just the jealousy getting to me.

“Y/N? Please pay attention, we have an important test coming up and you can’t miss this,” he sighed, putting a hand on his hip. Everyone turned to stare at me as I got smaller in my seat. When I looked back at everyone else to me they had dark eyes, something evil brewing but also something dead. I know realistically that a lot of the people here never paid attention but were much better at hiding it I think.

“Please see me at the end of school,” he said and a few people let “Ooo” escape their mouths. Thanks Mr. Iero for embarrassing me. I wanted to hate him for that but another part of my brain desired to have that alone time with him. Even a hug from him would suffice my animalistic hunger for him. Just, “I’m proud of you,” would motivate me for the rest of the year.

Class was dismissed and I quickly got out of there but he caught my wrist before I could, “Promise me you’ll be here after school. You can’t ditch like the last time.” I nodded and promised him that I would be back. The last time that happened I left out of pure anxiety, I threw up in the hallway on my way to his class. But safe to say this time I could get myself through it.

I went to my locker to change out books and my best friend Livvy came up to me, “Wanna hang out after school? I wanna get coffee,” she said excitedly. “Maybe, Mr. Iero wants to see me after my last class,” I said, I didn’t want to disappoint her. “Omg again? Did you space out again (nickname)?” she said, lightly punching my arm.

“Yeah, I just hope it’s quick. If so, I’ll make sure to call you when I’m done,” I said with a smile. We said our goodbyes as I went to all of my other classes. I watched the clock as it quickly rang, I took a few deep breaths as I prepared myself to see Mr. Iero. I know it couldn’t be that bad but my anxiety tried to convince me otherwise.

I looked through the glass of the door and saw no one inside so I thought maybe this could be my excuse as to why I didn’t show. “Right on time!” a voice behind me said. It startled me so I turned to see that it was Mr. Iero. I softly smiled as he unlocked the door to let us in. I didn’t see it but I heard him lock the door behind me.

I stood in front of his desk leaning against a student's desk. He stood in front of me also leaning against his desk. I kept my eyes to the ground for the most part, “Are you okay? You’ve been very quiet and dazed in almost every class,” he said in a soft voice. My tense shoulders relaxed, still not sure how to respond, “You can tell me, Y/N.” He took a couple steps closer.

“Look at me,” he said in a more demanding tone. I looked at him and he smirked, I wanted to fall to my knees right then and there. He rolled up his sleeves to reveal his tattoos, “I..I’ve just been going through a lot at home,” I said to put it simply. “Sit, let’s talk about it,” he said sitting in the students chair next to me. I sat down hesitantly, I don’t know if he actually cared about me or what. I guess we’ll find out.

I told him about my mom and everything that I’ve been struggling with. I didn’t outright tell him about my struggles with men and not having a father figure of sorts. But he’s smart, so he could probably piece things together based on how I answered some of his questions. At the end of my story I let a few tears escape from my eyes, he reached his hand up and gently wiped them.

He placed his other hand on my knee, rubbing his thumb on it. “You have nothing to worry about with me hun,” he said sweetly, maintaining tense eye contact. He was such a good listener and never interrupted me. “Your secrets are safe with me, I’m so glad you’re finally opening up to me. Since the beginning of the year I’ve had my eye on you, there’s something special about you, Y/N,” he said, whispering the last sentence.

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly in his. I felt my face heat up like a thousand suns and my heart rate picked up. I couldn’t help but let a smile form on my face, “That’s my girl. No need to be sad when you’re around me. Hey, I’ll even move your desk closer up to mine, yeah?” I nodded, feeling like such a typical schoolgirl.

He looked at the clock, “I should probably let you go now. Here,’ he said, handing me a little piece of paper. I pocketed it in my bag and before I left he gave me a big, warm hug. The smell of cigarettes and cologne hit my nostrils, it was a smell so intoxicating that it would stay with me throughout the rest of the day. I left and ran out of there to my house, it downpoured on me though. It made me feel like I was in a movie of sorts, I let the rain fall and drench my uniform and hair.

I ran inside and went straight to my room to text Livvy, it was Friday so I told her to come spend the night with me. I really didn’t want to tell anyone about what happened but she was the only person I could trust with this information, she understood. She literally has a sugar daddy, she has no room to judge me!

Livvy came over and got settled right in with snacks and cute pajamas. “Tell me everything!” she said excitedly. I giggled, “He asked me if anything was wrong, I avoided but he pried so I spilled everything. And now he’s moving my desk up to his, he touched my leg and hugged me!” We were both laughing and blushing over this.

“Oh! I think he gave me his number,” I told her, remembering the paper he gave me that I still haven’t opened yet. “Bitch show me!” she said excitedly. I got the paper from my bag and counted down from 3, I opened it and it had his number inside. “Text him now!” she said getting my phone from my nightstand.

I input his number into my phone, “What do I say though?” I bit my nails. “Something flirty for sure,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. I started to type: hii its Y/N, miss our time together already xo

“Bitch that's good!! He’s bound to fall in love with you now,” she joked.

Hours went by without checking my phone and it was around 8pm. I checked my phone during our movie and he asked to call me, I sat up straight with my eyes wide. “He wants to call,” I said suddenly. “Oh shit! I’ll turn the tv down and I’ll stay quiet,” she shushed herself.

I gave the phone a ring and he picked it up almost instantly, I put it on speaker phone.

Frank: Doing okay?

Me: yeah, thanks for letting me vent. Made me feel a lot better

Frank: I’m glad, honey.

Livvy looked at me with shock, “Honey?!” she mouthed covering it with her hand.

Frank: Um, I wanted to ask if you wanna hang out tomorrow? You don't have-

Me: Yes. I’d love to!

Frank: What time are you free then?

Me: Umm maybe around 12?

Frank: Sounds like a date then

We both hung up and we’re screaming with joy, I never thought this day would come. Hanging out with a teacher outside of school? Is that legal? I couldn’t back out now, my fate was decided. “What am I gonna wear?” I said, asking Livvy for help. She’s always been the cooler one in terms of fashion, so I can trust her to dress me.

~^~^~^~^

It was 10 am and I had just the right amount of time to get ready. I checked my phone and he said he’d be picking me up at my place. Livvy left already and I sat down in front of my floor length mirror and put on light makeup. I got dressed in a black skirt, sheer black leggings, doc martens, and a white and black striped sweater.

The clock finally turned 12 and I looked out my window to not see a car yet. I sighed with relief because in reality I definitely didn't feel ready. I checked my phone and Mr. Iero said he would be there in 5. I went ahead and stood out front to wait for him.

His car pulled up and he got out to greet me, “Wow, you look great!” he said with a smile. He had on sunglasses and chewed his gum kinda obnoxiously but hot. He gave me a big hug and opened the door for me, his car was super clean surprisingly. “Where are we going?” I ask timidly.

“Downtown, get some coffee and donuts,” he smiled, placing his hand on my thigh. “How’d you know where my house was?” I asked. “Teachers have access to those kinds of things,” I just nodded in response staring out the window. It was pretty cloudy and I was kinda hoping it’d rain.

We got to the coffee place downtown, “This is my special spot, for a special girl,” he smirked. I felt my stomach overfill with butterflies and a sparked joy I didn’t know I could feel around somebody. He got out the umbrella and interlocked arms with me, I looked at him with such content but confusion. I felt like I didn’t deserve any of this, none of the kindness, none of the listening, nothing.

He told me to sit down at a booth while he ordered us stuff. I texted Livvy while sitting there:

Me: Liv i think im in love no joke

Liv: i would be too

Me: were getting coffee rn ill update soon

He came back and sat a delicious smelling coffee in front of me, “Thank you Mr. Iero,” I said. “Call me Frank, no need for that outside of school,” he said, he grabbed my hand that was on top of the table. I looked at him, blushing hard, what if someone saw us?

We talked about the things we both liked and hated, we actually had a lot in common. “You like Elvis?!” he said, shocked. “Yeah and?! It’s a comfort thing,” I defended. “Explain,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Sometimes when my mom was out I’d spend the night with my grandfather and in the morning while cooking breakfast he’d play Elvis,” I said, reminiscing when I actually had a somewhat stable relationship with a man.

I think Frank noticed my mood diminish into something solemn. “Let's grab those donuts, I have somewhere else I wanna show you,” he said, grabbing my hand. He showed me off proudly, it felt like he was telling everyone around him to look at me but not in the way I’m used to. He put his mouth close to my ear, “We’ll have to share a donut, they’re almost out of everything,” he said, placing a kiss on my cheek.

We walked under the umbrella together as we started to share the donut, “Don’t lift a finger princess,” he said while holding the donut up to my mouth. He basically gave me the whole thing while he only had a couple bites. “Why do you treat me like this?” I asked him, curious as to why he is so fond of treating me like…a girlfriend?

“I think you deserve it, Y/N. I’ll explain more later,” he said with such sincerity, gripping my hand tighter. Was this going to be a whole day affair? My mom hasn’t been home for a few days so I didn’t feel the need to tell her where I was, it wasn’t like she was answering my messages anyway!

“What’s wrong hun?” he said, taking down the umbrella as the rain had stopped and the sun came out. “My mom hasn't answered my messages, it's been days,” I said, a little disappointed. “I’ll look after you, don't worry about it,” he said as we showed up to a record store. I gasped as I could never afford to buy my own records, it felt like a dream.

We went inside and looked around, I looked around for a ‘The Cure’ album. As I kept looking I felt a body press up behind me and place their arms around my waist and a head on my shoulder. He placed soft kisses on my neck causing me to giggle, I felt him do the same in my neck. “Find what you need?” he asked. “Yeah, did you?” his hands were empty. “Yeah,” he smiled playfully like he was up to something but not sure what.

“Bullshit. You need to get something or else I’ll feel bad that you spent all your money on me,” I said feeling slight guilt about him buying things for me. “I have you, that’s all I need,” he said, pulling me to the register and pulls out his card faster than I can reach for my purse zipper.

He handed me the bag of my records and we left. We didn’t do anything much except go thrifting and it was already 7 PM. “I have one place left to go,” he smiled, pulling out of the spot. “I feel like we’ve been everywhere already,” I said, whining. “Be a good girl and don’t whine for me, okay?” that immediately put me in my place and I complied. I could see a smirk on his face, he knew what he did to me.

I heard a song on the radio that I liked and immediately turned it up, it was You Get Me So High by The Neighbourhood. “You like them?” he asked. “Love them! I’ve seen them in concert twice already,” I said proudly. Livvy knew I couldn’t afford it but she ever so kindly bought them for me.

After a short drive we made it to our destination, a bar. It was quite crowded, I wasn't even old enough to drink yet. I looked at him worried, “I’m not 21..” I said. “I can get you in darling, don’t worry,” he said reassuringly. I trusted him but I tightened my lips anxiously. He was able to get me in because he was close friends with the guy at the front.

We got in and the music was at a comfortably loud volume. He dragged me to the bar and ordered me a drink but I couldn’t tell you what it was. Tasted great though!

I downed a couple drinks and I basically became a melting mess in Frank's hands. I held onto him for dear life like someone was trying to pull me away from him. I dragged him outside for a cigarette break, I pulled them out of bag and I forgot my lighter, “I forgot my fuckin lighter.” He laughed at my tone and lit my cigarette for me.

We stood inches apart, he held my waist with his tattooed hand. I took a huff of my cig and blew it in his face, “Naughty girl,” he chuckled. He pulled me in to kiss him and our lips collided. The taste of cigarettes and alcohol mixed perfectly with each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck, not wanting to release.

I shared my cigarette with him and he whispered in my ear, “How about you come over to my place for the night?” My heart was beating out of its chest, “Are you sure that's okay? I would need to get my stuff at home,” I said. “We can stop by your place first baby, I do have a few room-mates if that’s okay,” he said looking away embarrassed. “More the merrier!” I joked.

We drove back to my place and I led him up to my room, he sat on my bed and I packed up a couple things. I turned around putting my hands on my hips, “All packed,” I smiled. He patted his hand insinuating for me to sit on his lap, so I did. I wrapped my arms around his neck, “My pretty girl,” he whispered while pushing my hair out of my face.

“I really don’t understand why you like me, Frank,” I said, that feeling of undeservingness washing over me. “Look at you Y/N!. What is there not to like about you? We have so much in common and I can’t get over how beautiful you are,” I need all the reassurance I can get. What if he leaves me? Would another man treat me like Frank does?

“Do you promise not to leave?” I asked tearfully. “What? Of course I do, Y/N. How could I do that to you sweetheart?” he said, hugging me tightly. “We should get going,” he said softly. I nodded and he grabbed my bags for me as we walked back to the car.

We got to Frank's place and it was dimly lit, it smelled of cigarettes and expensive musky candles. I saw band equipment set up, “What’s all this?” I asked. “Oh, me and my friends do gigs on the side,” he chuckled as we walked to the kitchen. A timid man turned around to greet us, he gave Frank a hug and gave me a handshake. Firmly.

“Nice to meet you,” I said shyly. “Franks said a lot about you, nice to meet you,” he smiled kindly and I furrowed my brows a little confused. He talks about me? What did he say? More questions to be answered.

Frank hurried me to his room, it was spacious and had a few of his guitars displayed on the walls. He disappeared for a second and brought back a shirt and pajama pants of his, “Put these on,” I took them. I went into the bathroom bringing my toiletries along with me. I changed into his oversized clothes and washed my face.

I brought out my phone and snapped a pic of me in the mirror sending it to Livvy. She replied almost instantly: not you going home with him !! be safe !! she replied.

I went back out and put my other clothes back in my bag, “You have such a nice room,” I complimented. “Biggest one in the house,” he brags. I hadn’t noticed before but he turned the radio on and it was on a classic rock station. The room was filled with cigarette smoke and incense. Lamps created the perfect sensual ambience.

I laid my head on his soft pillows and Frank hovered over me, caressing my face with his hand. Something came over me, my eyes filled with tears and escaped the corner of my eyes. “What’s wrong princess?” he said, worried. I shook my head, sobbing. Never was I good enough to ever receive a love like this before. Here I had it.

“Tell daddy what’s wrong princess,” that broke me. I couldn’t tell if I was imagining all of this or if it was some sick joke. I straddled his lap, crying into his shoulder. His hand rubbed up and down my back sensually. “I’ve never felt such an overwhelming amount of love and adoration from a man before,” I stated plainly.

He asked me to talk about it so I did. I told him about the men this time, while I did we drank. It got to the point where I only started seeing flashes of my surroundings. One minute I was taking off my clothes, then I was sitting on top of Frank, then throwing my head back and moaning.

I remember seeing Frank go down on me and him forcing my legs open as I was ready to release on his face. Flashes of Frank saying things like, “You're daddy’s good girl…I’ll never hurt you…you’re safe with me…shh you’re okay sweetheart.” His voice vibrated through my skin.

Soon enough I passed out, naked and covered up by the warm sheets. I woke up groggy and still a little drunk around 3 am and had my clothes put back on. I groaned and didn’t see Frank in bed with me but playing guitar across the room. “Frank?” I said, rubbing my eyes. He immediately rushed to my side to comfort me, “Are you okay princess?” he said.

I nodded, “Could you get me some water?” I asked because my voice was hoarse. He brought back water to me and I downed it as fast as I could. He got into bed with me and I cuddled up at his side, holding on for life.

I grabbed Frank's face pressing our lips together, I longed for his kiss and his desire. He pulled away and cupped my face, “If you were my little girl, I’d do whatever I could do for you,” he said softly. “I am,” I stated so desperately wanting him to take me in, live with him, devote my life to him. “I’d even run away and hide with you if I could. You’re daddy’s girl,” he said pulling me into his chest.

To be safe and sound in his heart forever.

#frank iero #frank #iero #frank iero mcr #mcr frank #my chemical frank #frank iero imagine #frank iero fanfiction #frank iero fanfic #frank iero smut #frank iero x you #frank iero x reader #mcr fanfiction #daddy issues #teacher crush #my chemical romance #my chem fanfic

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bluejaysandblackbats · 1 month

Text

Oracle of Jersey

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Birds of Prey (Comics)

Summary: Barbara Gordon runs a podcast that results in six teenagers looking over a dead body.

Chapters: 1/?

Characters: Barbara Gordon, Dinah Lance, Renee Montoya, Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe, Lori Zechlin, Wendy White, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Tim Drake, Ted Kord, Jean-Paul Valley, Dick Grayson, Helena Bertinelli, Zinda Blake

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Mentor Barbara Gordon, No Powers AU, Podcast AU, Murder Mystery

Episode 1: Female Sleuths & Self-Defense

"Hello, Pythians. It's been a while. Today we'll be discussing some sensitive subject matter. This includes but is not limited to domestic violence, child abuse, grooming, and murder," Barbara's tone allowed a hint of personal sadness. Her voice was subtly disguised with a Mid-Atlantic accent. Her voice was mature and robust, but there was something sweet and feminine about her cadence. The lilt in her voice was unlike her natural speech, but it added to the bit, along with voice-altering software. Oracle was a character, and she had to stay that way. She took a breath to collect herself. "Today, I have a special guest. She is loud and proud... And she is fighting to elevate the voices of domestic violence survivors during Gotham's lockdown. Miss Dinah Lance. Dinah, can you take a moment to tell us about yourself and your organization?" Barbara leaned back away from the mic as she put Dinah on speaker.

"Hi, Oracle. Well, as you said, I'm Dinah Lance. I've been in Gotham most of my life, and this organization is near and dear to my heart. Black Canary is my mother's non-profit organization dedicated to survivors of domestic violence. It goes back to before I was born.

"My mother lived in a community filled with women in violent and unstable relationships. She quickly realized that most of these women didn't have the tools they needed to escape, let alone protect themselves. So, she took it upon herself to secretly offer free self-defense classes in her apartment. My mother knew this wasn't enough, but it was all she could do at the time.

"Fast forward a few years. My mother married my father and got pregnant with me, and she had to take a break from offering classes. To her surprise, her neighbors took over for her. They went on to teach their friends everything they learned. Eventually, this led to a connection with lawyers, doctors, and childcare workers... And from there, my mom founded the Black Canaries.

"I was fortunate to grow up with two loving and supportive parents, and I took it upon myself as soon as I was old enough to continue what my mother started. Since then, we've expanded to all victims of domestic violence. Not just women," Dinah replied. She was obviously passionate about her cause.

Barbara made a soft noise to acknowledge all she'd heard. "I wanted to take this time to tell the listeners your organization now operates online. I left a link in the description... But I also wanted to ask about a specific case that's gained traction in the media. I understand that you've taken a personal interest in the Anna Stanfield case... You've also expressed discomfort with the long-time trend of giving murder cases nicknames," Barbara paused, "After a message from our sponsors, we'll talk about that and how this case is different from anything the Black Canaries have dealt with this far." Barbara played an ad for Ted Kord's tech company.

During that time, Barbara took the opportunity to quietly thank Dinah for the interview. "I appreciate you coming on the show, Dinah. I wanted to ask you personally if you'd like to come back to talk next month for Mother's Day?" Barbara asked.

"I would love to," Dinah replied, "And thank you for allowing me the opportunity to talk about Anna Stanfield."

Barbara smiled to herself. "Of course. It's always a joy to have you on the show," Barbara replied, "We're back on air in five... Four... Three... Two... Welcome back, Pythians. Before the break, I asked Dinah how the Black Canaries have taken an interest in the Anna Stanfield case and her critique of the media buzz surrounding this cruel Gotham slaying."

"Right. For everyone unfamiliar with the case, Anna Stanfield was an eighteen-year-old girl from Gotham. Last month, she got married to a man seven years her senior, and at some point on the first night of her honeymoon, she was brutally beaten and ultimately smothered to death.

"The media's taken this as an opportunity to talk about the lack of knowledge about her past. Instead of putting forth the efforts and energy to spread information about the case, they've focused on dissecting this girl's life to blame her for her murder. Her husband, Eddie Stanfield, is seemingly missing and has been since the discovery of Anna's body. Few efforts are being made to find him despite his history of violence toward women... And instead of being treated like a suspect, they are searching for Eddie Stanfield as a potential victim... Despite all evidence pointing to the contrary.

"What makes this case different from anything the Black Canaries have ever dealt with is the type of case that this is. Black Canaries deals with survivors. This is the first time we've ever dealt with a murder case. We're all working to find Eddie Stanfield and bring him to justice, and there's a lot I can't say legally... But I can say that we've got a few leads we're checking out," Dinah explained.

"I know you said you can't talk about the investigation for legal reasons, so I wanted to hear what you had to say about the nicknaming of the Anna Stanfield case as the Honeymoon Murder," Barbara replied.

Dinah took a breath before speaking. "With all the media buzz for the case, people have forgotten that Anna was a living, breathing person. People view this case as a form of entertainment rather than an actual murder of a real human being.

"The media's done a terrible job of depicting Anna's humanity. They've instead chosen to sensationalize her murder and reduce the brutal slaying of a teenage girl to nothing more than a series of puns and online memes," Dinah answered.

The two went back and forth, discussing the details of the case before their second set of commercials. "When we return from break, I'll introduce you to one of Gotham's best P.I.'s," Barbara announced.

The second set of commercials was three minutes long, allowing the two women to talk. "I hope I'm not talking too much. I don't wanna overwhelm-."

"You're doing fine, Dinah. Actually, I wanted to ask how you were doing? I've been following your work for a while now, and I saw that you've received threats-. Sorry, I sound like I'm still interviewing you. I wanted to know if you were okay," Barbara interrupted.

"It's okay... I've had worse. A few threats aren't going to scare me away from the truth," Dinah replied. Barbara pushed up her glasses and ran a hand through her hair. "Hell, if I wasn't mistaken, I'd think you were worried about me."

"I am," Barbara replied, "You know, Dinah... Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." Dinah made a soft noise.

"Keep an eye out for Eddie Stanfield... And boost my tip line," Dinah replied. Barbara could hear the smile in her voice. Barbara bit the cap of her pen before typing the tipline number and adding it to the description for the video. "You know what? I feel like I know you."

Barbara held her breath for a moment. "I make a point to get to know everyone I interview... Even if it's through research," Barbara half-lied. She didn't want Dinah to know they'd met before. Barbara's podcast identity needed to remain secret, not only for the safety of her daughters. The work she did in connection with her podcast was borderline illegal.

"It was so wonderful having you on the show, Dinah. I hope to hear from you in the future... I know you have to go, but I did enjoy speaking to you today," Barbara beamed. She chewed the cap of her pen as she waited to hear Dinah's voice.

"It was nice talking to you, Oracle... I'll keep you updated on the case," Dinah replied before hanging up.

She tossed her head back and ran both hands through her hair before calling another woman. "Hello? May I call you Question?" Barbara asked.

"Only if I can call you Oracle," Question joked. Barbara recognized the voice as ex-police officer Renee Montoya. She didn't see fit to mention it, though. Barbara chuckled.

"Of course, you can. We're about to go on air in a minute or two, and I want to let you know you don't have to answer any question you don't want to," Barbara reassured her.

"Let's get into it," Renee replied enthusiastically.

"Okay. We're back on air in five... Four... Three... Two... One. Welcome back. Before the break, I promised to introduce you to Gotham's finest private investigator, the illustrious and anonymous, Question. Question, would you like to take some time to enlighten the viewers on your connection to the Anna Stanfield case?" Barbara asked.

"Someone hired me to find and notify her family... A friend of Anna Stanfield who wanted to remain anonymous," Renee replied, "The issue is, Anna Stanfield doesn't exist. Or at least she didn't, up until a few months ago... But that made me wonder how Eddie Stanfield came to know her. She's an eighteen-year-old girl with no past, no known family, and no history... Not so much as a report card from her."

"It sounds as if you have some suspicions about the crime. Can you elaborate at this time?" Barbara asked.

"I've found some important information that's led me to a family within the city, but I'm not at liberty to say. The police have been notified. But I can tell you, I have reason to believe Eddie Stanfield is guilty of a series of violent crimes against Anna... And I'm not talking about her murder," Renee replied. Barbara took her pen and jotted down a note.

Silence fell between the two for a moment. "Are you-. Sorry, that's such a shock. I wanted to know if you were working with the Black Canaries or anyone else to get information on this case?" Barbara asked, stumbling over her words out of shock. She didn't think anyone would have any new information like this.

"Yeah, I've talked to Dinah before finding what I found... I told her I'd look into finding Eddie," Renee paused, "And I've gotten a bit of information from her as well."

"Can you tell us if that information led you to your most recent revelation?" Barbara questioned.

"Yes, actually, she did. Dinah personally went and found information of her own that led me directly to a series of truths that led to this mystery family," Renee replied, "We're not sure if they're her family for sure. We only know interesting circumstances surrounding them point to this case."

Barbara typed something on her computer while she listened to Renee speak. Barbara mulled over the details mentioned by both women and wondered if she should delay posting the episode another week. As it came to a close, Barbara pushed up her glasses and started the editing process.

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gaysullengirl · 2 months

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𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞. 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐞

❝ we're two slow dancers, last one's out. ❞

- two slow dancers, mitski

Isabelle looked out of the plane window, she caught Spencer's gaze in the corner of her eye but she didn't look his way.

She was stressed to say the least, about Spencer but also the fact this was the first case she was working with the Behavior Analysis Unit.

The case was gruesome to say the least- three women picked up at bars and murdered in hotel rooms, the unsub disemboweled them then forced them to clean up their own blood.

"Reid, work up a geographic profile, focus on location of the murder, Prentiss and Rossi, concentrate on the victims, Morgan, Cruz, and I will go deal with Vanessa Holden." Hotch said.

୨୧

"I'm sorry you came all the way out here, it's a waste of time, Ashley knows absolutely nothing." Ashley's mom announced sternly.

"And we want to get this behind us as soon as possible." she added.

"Mrs. Holden, we can't begin to fathom the loss you've suffered." Isabelle said sympathetically.

"That's right, you can't."

"Um, I lost my younger sister when she was just seventeen, it was really hard on me and my family." Isabelle subconsciously softened her face.

"I was always the responsible one, I made sure she remembered her homework and lunch, she's- she was so forgetful."

"I can't even begin to think about if I was the one who passed away, she'd probably lose her head." She laughed slightly.

"Mrs. Holden, I want to catch him and make sure he never sees the light of day, I wanna help you but to do that we need you and your daughter's help."

Ashley's mom let them in the house and they talked with Ashley.

Isabelle walked down their driveway with confidence, she was proud, she got Ashley's mom to open up and let them in the house.

"The information about Vanessa Holden being the responsible sister, where did you get that?" Hotch asked when they arrived at the car.

"It was an educated guess." Isabelle shrugged, "You guessed, then proceeded to lie." Hotch criticized.

"Hmm?" Isabelle scrunched her nose up, "I read your file, your sister isn't dead."

Isabelle's heart dropped, a lot of the time she forget Juliana isn't dead- well not officially.

Isabelle considered telling the truth, but it was a long and complicated story and he'd probably never believe her anyway.

"I- I got us in the door, we talked to Ashley." Isabelle argued.

"Not only do you represent the fbi, you represent this team, to the press, the police, and to the families who are struggling with some of the hardest times of their lives., if you get caught in a lie, the trust we depend on to help solve these crimes disappears." Hotch lectured her.

"Do I make myself clear?"

Isabelle clenched her fists, "Yes."

୨୧

Isabelle stared at the whiteboard in front of her, across it was a map and pictures of the victims.

Spencer sighed, "Based on the geography, he isn't just changing his victimology, he's changed his whole tax bracket."

"The high profile of Vanessa Holden bears that out, by killing her, he was climbing the social ladder, on the sex workers advertisements they said they would come to you."

"That cuts out the social interaction of meeting on a street corner." Morgan said.

"Exactly, that's a long way from a self-assured unsub who hits the clubs." Spencer responded.

"He took a year off between the murders maybe he took that time to change himself." Isabelle offered.

"That's impossible." Spencer replied flatly.

"Why?" She rolled her eyes.

"Well, I mean, you're talking about a total transformation here, I mean how you talk, I mean how you dress, how you think about yourself."

"Difficult maybe, but not impossible." Hotch added.

"He already started killing, there must have been a secondary trigger that motivated him to change who he was." Emily explained.

"So if you're gonna completely transform yourself, how would you do it?" Rossi asked.

"Cut everyone off." Isabelle said, everyone gave her a questioning look, "I was joking." She explained with a small laugh.

Isabelle saw the way Spencer kept his eyes on her, even thought the team couldn't see through her lie- he could.

"A steady diet of self-help books."

"Start hitting the gym."

"You have to learn how to read people."

"A pick-up is basically just a profile, decoding cues of interest and recoding similar ones."

"If you're too obvious, you turn off your target, if you're oblivious, your target moves on to a better profiler."

"That doesn't sound like something he could do on his own, maybe he went to a self-help class?" Isabelle offered.

Rossi held up a news paper and pointed to an ad for a self-help class.

୨୧

Isabelle and Emily walked over to the balcony and looked over the edge, the blood of becky- the latest victim pooled on the sidewalk.

"At all the other scenes, the bottles were arranged in a precise order, here they're just part of the mess." Emily said as she examined the scene.

"Maybe she fought back. And when becky went over the railing, his routine had been compromised because he knew the police would respond.". Isabelle offered.

"Or she could have jumped, her nervous system was pumping adrenaline, her flight or fight response kicks in."

"He struck two fridays in a row, and if his routine's been interrupted, It might compel him to strike again." Hotch added.

"It's Saturday, the clubs will be packed tonight." Isabelle said.

"Take a look at the classes the unsub might have taken." Hotch commanded causing Isabelle to clench her jaw.

୨୧

"I can't believe he actually said that to you." Isabelle scrunched her face after hearing Emily description of Viper.

Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi walked up to the two women, "The answer might be something in Viper's class, But to figure that out, we need to profile the teacher."

"We need to study his style up close and personal, it's gonna take someone that he's already attracted to." Morgan smirked as the whole team looked to Emily.

"Oh, this is really gonna suck." Emily said, "Cruz, you're also going in." Hotch added.

"What!" Spencer said louder than he expected to, "Why can't Emily just go in by herself?"

"Spencer it's fine." Isabelle empathized.

authors note!

sorry this chapter is mostly just the case, the next few will be more about isabelle and spencer!! <3

#jade’s works ⋆·˚ ༘ *#criminal minds #fanfic #fbi #fbi agent #spencer reid #mgg #alexa demie #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction

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sminny-wew · 4 months

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Megaman Battle Network but I went back in time and moved a chair (headcanons/musings under the cut)

Everything else is the same but Lan was the one who had HBD, died, and was brought back by Dr. Hikari as Megaman.EXE (anything relating to this concept will be tagged "MegaLan AU" but otherwise he's called Megaman.EXE here)

Hub is a humble, polite, and diligent 5th grader. Greatly admires his dad and wants to work in navi development just like him, but is still a mama's boy. He always goes to bed, wakes up, and gets to school on time. He studies just enough to maintain decent grades, does all his chores, and gets around by skateboarding. Hub has a pretty happy and peaceful life, but something feels...missing. His dad's long work hours and mom's fussing have led him to feel somewhat sheltered and lacking in excitement, and his parents have noticed. So, for Hub's 10th birthday, Dr. Hikari surprised his son with his own custom netnavi: Megaman.EXE.

"Why did Dad name you 'Megaman'?" "Because I'm mega cool! 👉😎👉" [Or if you prefer the Japanese names: "Why did Dad name you 'Rockman'?" "Because I rock! 👉😎👉"]

This Megaman is very cocky and proud of his skills, but not to the point of delusion (he is not immune to fucking around and finding out lmao). It's more a case of him hyping himself up because A) he can do things as a navi that he could never do as a human, and B) he got a second chance at life and wants to live it to the fullest. He hates that he's separated from his family and the rest of the world by a screen, but he's still really happy that he got to know his twin brother at all. Someone's gotta drag Hub out of the classroom to see all the exciting things the world has to offer!!!

Unlike Hub with school and chores, this Megaman has to be prodded into doing navi tasks like file cleanup, software maintainance, etc. He's also not the most reliable alarm clock lmao

This Megaman has a bad habit of leaving the joke program running in the background. Hub keeps turning it off and even tried deleting it but somehow Megaman still has it running most of the time (he knows when to dial it back tho)

Despite slacking on most other navi tasks, this Megaman is still without a doubt very powerful, excels at netbattling, and is very eager to tackle net crimes (he begged Hub to jack him into the oven when it caught fire). He also loves to tease opponents, he keeps it lighthearted when battling friendly navis like Roll or Gutsman but can get pretty sassy against enemies. It's not smart, especially where Bass is concerned, but then again this is still Lan we're talking about. And SPEAKING OF

There were more than a few times where he almost gave away his real identity, whether it be because he made a comment about craving curry or called Hub "big bro" without thinking and tried to laugh it off ("It's because we're so close and you act all responsible and stuffy like an older brother!! No other reason hAHAHAHA ;;")

Once Dr. Hikari gives Hub "Lan.BAT" to save Megaman from deletion and tells him the truth, Hub is definitely still surprised but not as much as he could be ("Man, Hub, you're taking this whole 'dead twin reborn as a navi' thing pretty casually..." "You weren't exactly subtle about it, little bro.")

During the big climax in BN5, Megaman-channeling-the-spirit-of-Lan is mostly serious and focused, but he still can't help but be like "Heh, I look SO cool right now!!" and then the second the powerup wears off he crumples to the ground like he has glass bones and paper skin but it was SO worth it

Megaman is the only one who takes the rivalry with Chaud and Protoman seriously; poor Hub just wants to be friends and not cause problems but alas his navi got the Shounen Protagonist ADHD

Since the dynamic is flipped around, Maylu and Roll don't have the same feelings for the boys that they normally would, Maylu might've had a crush on Hub when they were little but she got over it (also: my house, my aroace Hub)

Also just in general, because he was a little more sheltered than canon Lan, Hub didn't have many friends for most of his life. He still grew up with Maylu as his next-door neighbor and childhood friend, but they weren't as close as Maylu and Lan. Hub avoided Dex b/c he saw Dex as a bully and wanted to stay as far from trouble as possible, and Yai he just didn't interact with due to shyness. But once Megaman entered the picture, Hub became much more social and outgoing. He became closer to Maylu, befriended Dex and Yai, and actively wants to befriend Chaud because he sees that same sense of loneliness in Chaud.

"I know how we can save Chaud!! First I need you to throw me--" "I AM NOT DOING THAT FOR SEVERAL REASONS"

#megaman battle network #megaman.exe #rockman.exe #lan hikari #netto hikari #hub hikari #saito hikari #MegaLan AU #artsy fartsy

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cute-bag-of-bones · 11 months

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Can't Trust A Supe

Part 3: I'm Scared

Masterlist

Warnings: slight gore and mentions of death.

Homelander's hands were behind his back as he just stared at me for an agonizing amount of time. His expression was unreadable. I wish I could muster the courage to just kill him. I should be better than this. Scared of such a pathetic man. My dad would be ashamed if he could see this.

"Can I h-help you?" I tried to sound confident but the stutter ruined any hope of that. He looked surprised like he just remembered something.

"Right I was thinking about it and you have hung on to that old dirty toy for so long. I figured you'd want a new one." He pulled a new Homelander plush from behind his back. He seemed so excited like a dog showing off a dead bunny to its owner. He handed it to me. It took all I had in me to keep my hand from shaking as I grabbed it.

"Wow um t-thank you."

"You haven't seen the best part. Give it a squeeze." I looked down at the toy and pressed its belly.

-I'm Homelander, ready to fight some crime together?- The real Homelander mouthed along with the doll as it spoke. He seemed very proud of the gift. "This little guy has 10 unique phrases. Pretty great right? Way cooler than your other one."

"Well I just l-" I had to pause to take a deep breath. "I just love it, thank you." I say plastering the most convincing fake smile I could manage. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted to light this creepy thing on fire and throw it in the Hudson River. Why was he giving this to me? What's his game? I heard him begin to speak but he's interrupted by a father and son wanting an autograph. I take my opportunity and get up. More people gathered giving me the perfect out. I ran off, down a busy street. I was over a block away before I stopped running. The beady-eyed plush stared at me as I tried to catch my breath. Grabbing it by both arms I pull as hard as I can. I hear stitches pop as it's back tears.

-Hey friend wanna pl- the voice box fell on the ground and I stomped it until finally it stopped making noise. I finish the job by ripping the toy in half and discarding it in the nearest dumpster. I had the major creeps. I knew there was only one safe place I could go.

When I knocked on the hideout door no one answered. I continued to bang getting almost frantic. I felt like Homelander was breathing down my neck. Finally Hughie opened the large door. I shoved my way past his lanky body and straight to Billy's normal spot. He wasn't there. Hughie followed me on my mission for Billy

"You looking for Butcher?" He asked figuring out what I wanted. I was so wrapped up in looking for Billy I had almost fully toned him out. I knew I looked crazy but I was scared and Billy was the only one I knew would be able to help me. I'm not sure how but I knew he would. I turn around and bump into a worried Hughie. He always walked so close behind people.

"Yes yes where is he? I need him."

"He's not here. Him and the others went to get something. M.M. said they would be a day's drive away. Why what's wrong? Why are you sweating so much?" He asked as he tried to wrangle me.

"Fuck! Fuck!"

"Stop it, come on, calm down. What's going on? Can I help?" He was so earnest. I finally sat down and looked up at him. He gave me a sweet smile and sat down with me.

"I'm scared." It felt wrong to say. The words themselves felt dirty and shameful. He gave me a confused look.

"They are gonna be okay, it's an easy run."

"Not scared for them. I'm scared for myself. It's Homelander." Hughie's expression changed, it became more serious. "He stopped me from getting mugged last night and he saw this." I say as I pull the old plush from my bag.

"Is that a Homelander plushie?"

"My mom gave it to me. He saw it and maybe he recognized it. I don't know but he found me in the park and gave me a new one." I was speaking so fast I almost couldn't understand myself. Hughie seemed to get it all. He was nodding along.

"Why would you keep that thing? He killed your family." Hughie asked, looking at the toy like it might come to life and strangle him. It was a valid question I guess. I wasn't sure myself. It was just when I looked at it I didn't see him. I saw my mom.

"That's not the point! Focus. I think he knows who I am. I look like my mom but I didn't think it was so obvious. That must be it. He's messing with me. He's gonna kill me." Tears started to fall down my cheeks, a warm reminder how much of a pathetic coward I was.

"But the other day, you said you didn't care if he killed you. You were fine going out in a blaze of glory, what happened?"

"I was wrong, it's different! It's all different when he's in front of you. I don't wanna die Hughie." He pulled me into a tight hug. "I don't wanna die Hughie!" I cried louder as he softly shushed me.

"You're not going to die. No one's going to hurt you." I knew logically there was nothing Hughie could do to help but somehow just hearing someone tell me it would be alright helped. I didn't get a lot of stuff like this once my parents died. "We can call Butcher and see what he thinks. Would that help?" He pulled away from the hug to look down at me. I took the opportunity to pull away myself.

"Um yeah yeah maybe."

"Okay I'll try and get a hold of someone and see if he can give you some advice or something." I nodded and he pulled out his phone and started to pace around the room.

The helplessness and fear I felt was indescribable. Sat here hiding, I couldn't get the thought out of my head.

"No one's answering." He sounded frustrated. I knew it was because he knew there was nothing he could do to make this stop. He was feeling helpless as well. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me.

"Don't worry about it. Nothing he could do from there anyway. Just sit down, you'll put a hole in the floor pacing like that." And just like that the mask was back on. I dried my tears with the back of my hand. He came over quickly and sat back down.

"Maybe you and I cou-"

"No, whatever your plan is, it's a no. I'm just going to have to see if he comes. That's all I can do. There is no preparation, no shelter in place, no getting reinforcements. I'm just going to have to wait and see. Who knows I could be reading too far into this. I could be overreacting." I stood up and packed my bag back up. He frowned at me.

"Just go lay down in the back, I'm going to keep trying their cells." He said as he pressed the phone back to his ear.

"Nah it's getting dark enough. The shelter will let me back in. If I'm in a crowded all girl shelter there isn't much he can do to me. His reputation is more important than revenge." Hughie couldn't argue with the reasoning. After some reassurance he let me leave.

The walk to the shelter was a painful experience. Every shadow over head was him. Every voice was his. Every face I saw was his. I resorted to using my abilities just so I didn't have to see faces. It's true what they say we are all the same on the inside. I had to pull myself together. I wasn't going to let him rip my life apart again.

Muscular system after muscular system passed me as I walked. There was something calming about it, seeing people as nothing more than the parts that make us up gives you an odd perspective. It makes you feel small, insignificant in the best kind of way. 7.9 billion bags of flesh holding muscles, blood and bones, all walking around at once. All looking nearly indistinguishable from one another. Small, insignificant, unnoticeable that's all I want to be right now.

Things were normal at the shelter. Girls arguing with supervisors, others sleeping and some crying. I crawled up on my bunk and took out my Homelander plush before laying down with it like I did every night but tonight I was thankful it didn't have a voice box. I drifted to sleep plagued with nightmares of his eyes.

Sometime later I heard breathing close by and at first assumed it was my bunkmate. Warm air brushed against my face. They were much closer than they should be. I open my eyes and realize I'm faced to face with the expressionless face of Homelander. I let out a yelp and moved my head away. He looked so calm. I still had to be asleep. This has to be another nightmare. I didn't dare speak. He gave me a soft smile.

"Sorry I had to wake you, could you come outside with me?" He asked so kindly, it made me feel sick. I shook my head no still not finding my voice. The more awake I became the more I realized this was actually happening. I was as good as dead if I left this crowded room of sleeping girls. "Please? I think Liz would want you to come with me. Right Lizzy?" He said as he motioned for me to look down at my bunkmate. I looked between the space between my bed and wall and saw Liz sleeping soundly with a red gloved hand around her throat. He wasn't choking her yet but I had no doubt that's where this would go if I didn't come along.

"Okay okay." I say as softly and calmly as I could not wanting to give him any reason. Liz was a mother, she had never hurt anyone in her life. I couldn't let her die for nothing like this. It was now or never. I needed to get him out of this building and take my shot hopefully before he can kill me. I slowly climb the ladder down. My plush still in my hand. At the moment I didn't even realize I still had it. I was just trying to go as fast as I could without shaking the bed. As soon as my feet touched the ground he put his hand on my back to guide me outside to my certain death.

Adrenaline pumped through my veins as we walked. All of a sudden I could see bodies through the walls. Every single one of them in this building glowed to me like a fleshy X-rays. It was so disorienting I stumbled over the threshold of the door leading to the outside. I felt like I was going to float away if not for the firm hand on my back. I turned to face him. He too was just as see through as the others. How humanizing, staring up at his skinless face he looked just like all the others.

He was speaking to me. I could see his eyebrows furrow like he was mad or confused. I couldn't hear him through all I could hear was my own heartbeat. This was it, all in one shot I tried to pull his spine from his back. He hunched his shoulders a little and I definitely saw the bones move but for the most part his spine didn't budge. Panicking, I tried to rip his brain stem but it was like it was too tough to tear. Supe's are stronger than humans on average but I figured he'd be like translucent, hard on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. I couldn't be more wrong. His hand grabbed my throat and pulled me close. I dropped the toy and tried to claw at his arm desperately. My nails bend when I rake them over his arm. I was sure a few were pulled off my fingers all together.

"What are you doing?" He growled. I wasn't sure if he meant too but he was holding me too tight. My ability's vision started to fade and I saw him clear as day. His eyes were glowing red. I wanted to cry but I didn't want that to be my last act on this earth. "Are you going to behave?" He said as his eyes stopped glowing. I wasn't sure what he meant. I couldn't understand why I wasn't dead yet. I tried to gulp but his hand was so tight it stopped me from swallowing. "Well, are you?" He actually wanted me to answer? I tried to nod the best I could and his grip loosened. I took a deep breath and tried to pull away from him.

"No, I don't think so." He says with almost an air of humor like he thought it was so funny I was trying to get free from his grasp. He put an arm around my back and lifted us into the sky. I continued to try and free myself much to his amusement. One second ago he was trying to kill me and the next he was laughing. He's crazier than I thought. We flew up so high I started to feel cold. The lights below blurred. The air was so thin up here but he seemed to be breathing fine. He looked down at me as I struggled for air. He has a slight smirk on his face as my actual vision starts to fade now.

"Shush, it's alright." He cooed over me. I fought it as long as I could. I didn't want his voice to be the last thing I heard. I tried to scream but nothing came out. Just like that all my air was gone and I was done for.

I thought I had died. I had accepted it. I wasn't sure how much time had passed but my head was killing me. Wherever I was it was dark. Too dark to see. What if I did die? Could this be the afterlife? Just darkness. Maybe it was hell.

"Mom, mommy?" I call out in a horst voice. I wait for a second and don't hear anything. There was a creaking sound and a door opened filling the room with light and blinding me. A caped figure stood in the doorway.

"Nope I'm not your mommy." He sounded almost soft and mocking all at once. It was worse than hell I was with Homelander.

#billy butcher #homelander #the boys #fanfic #hughie campbell #oc stuff #frenchie #mothers milk #the female #slight yandere #platonic yandere #platonic Homelander

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bellsnuit · 2 years

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Speak Now (Steve Rogers x reader)

Summary: Bucky objected to your wedding. It's not that he's in love with you, but he makes it clear that he wouldn't tolerate watching you marry another man when he knows you love someone else. And he also makes it clear that he wouldn't tolerate Steve crying all night if you say yes. And for you, who had known Steve even before the serum, you didn't think he could get any smaller.

If you like, I would be so grateful if you reblog or comments to interact ( I love to share your thoughts)

THE WAY I LOVE THIS makes me feel butterflies.

When you were six years old, Bucky punched the face of the boy who was bothering you. He was an idiot, he kept bragging that after the war his father was at least alive. Your father didn't make it, but you were proud of him. You knew he had done everything he could.

"He is a big idiot" spat the angry brunet, standing quite a bit taller compared to those in his classroom.

"Thanks, James" you muttered shaking your head as you tuck your arms behind your back.

"You're welcome, braids" you frowned your brow, unsure if it was an insult or not. "Don't listen to this stupid guy." you nodded.

"You have to be proud of your dad, he's been a hero" behind Bucky, a small blond boy was blushing just talking. You smiled at his words.

"Thank you."

"His dad died in the war too" Bucky pointed to that new friend he had made, who often sent him to do his homework because it looked stupid to him and because Steve did it.

"But I didn't meet him" clarified this one quickly "And he wasn't a hero. He was a jerk" you shook your head with a grimace, letting your reddish-brown hair move to the side.

"A lot of men are, my sister says" you muttered shaking your head, somewhat obviously and with a grimace. "I think she's right."

"I mean, she is right" nodded Steve with a grimace.

"Anyway, my mom died too" Bucky shrugged "So, what's your name?" he asked you. "I'm James, he's Steve."

And you all had inadvertently created a dead parents club.

...

At the age of eight, you understood why Bucky always spoke for Steve: and now he was speaking for you too. He would ride up front and you and Steve would stay to the side.

Bucky was really messed with a boy, but neither you nor Steve were going to intervene with that.

"Here," Steve held out a flower that he had bent down from picking up off the ground.

"Steve, stop giving me flowers" you complained blushing. The blond blushed too, but you turned so he could place it behind your ear.

"Sorry, it's the last one" he promised but you both knew it wouldn't be. And even Bucky who had already turned in their direction and was looking at them with a grimace of displeasure.

"Can we go? I really want to snack on Miss Rogers' food," he spoke.

"Yes, yes," nodded Steve quickly. Bucky nodded and stood between the middle of you two, wrapping his arms around both shoulders. "I guess we'll be friends forever."

"That's a long time" your blurted out looking at Bucky.

"That's the point" he spoke obvious.

...

At ten, you had your hands on your head. "What's wrong with you?" asked Bucky walking to your side. Usually, it was the other way around, but since Bucky's father had died, your mother and Steve's mother who had become friends, seemed to take turns taking care of Bucky; sometimes he slept at your house, sometimes at Steve's.

"My head hurts."

"I'm sure from thinking about Steve so much."

You banged your head annoyed at always doing the same thing "You're so annoying, Barnes" you shouted. "You're always annoying with the same thing!"

"You both just want to make out and have lots of babies" you shrieked loudly and your mother came in blaming you.

"James is annoying me!" and when you realized it, the stupid one was becoming more of a brother to you than a biological one ever could.

...

You were sitting in the doorway of Steve's house with twelve. You had your hands on your face and turned your face as you watched someone open the door. Sarah looked at you lovingly and was surprised "Oh honey, what are you doing here?" she asked. "Did you call Steve? He was taking a bath, maybe he didn't hear."

"No, I didn't call him" you sighed "Can I come in?" you pointed and saw the bag she was carrying, possibly going to the grocery store.

"Sure, he must be in his room" you smiled at her and shamelessly walked into the house to run towards the stairs. You slowed down once you saw Steve's room slightly open, and could hear his music. He loved music, and you loved his music.

You poked your head out the door and watched him fold his clothes; it was cute.

"Hey" he turned and saw you. He instantly made a smile. "Excuse me," you said as you walked in, without asking.

"Are you okay?" you weren't, that's why you were there. You shook your head as you took a small hop on Steve's bed, dropping your body.

"Bucky is really annoying. I didn't want to be with him at home anymore."

"I think you're exaggerating."

"He's really rude since mom let him invite his new friends over."

"He just annoys you."

"And I resent him and his stupid friends, They really are stupid. Can I stay here?"

He nodded quickly "You know you always can. But I don't think he wants to hurt you or anything."

You shrugged and offered help, but he refused and you just looked at him "One of the things I like most about you is that you're not mean."

"You really seem to hate Bucky."

"Since he started calling my mom his mom too, she's very happy and doesn't grumble at him. I'm always the one with the problem"

"Sometimes Bucky takes care of you and you just protest" you looked at him indignantly "I'm not defending him" he clarified quickly.

"It's okay, Stevie" you both exchanged a smile "Shall we play a game?"

...

Bucky really was the annoying brother, but he was always there, it was true.

"And you could be less stupid!" at sixteen you thought it was smart to yell at a muscle-bound giant after bullying Steve. You weren't Bucky, but you had begun to have a pretty similar character.

You knew that if the kid turned around, you were going to be screwed. And he did turn around.

You opened your eyes and looked sideways at Steve, who looked at you "We don't want to fight" he clarified coming closer, but earning himself a beating.

"You asshole!" when you saw him raise a hand towards you, you also saw him fall backward. Bucky had grabbed him by the hair and pushed him backward.

"Don't touch my little sister, or my friend" Bucky's voice.

...

You had watched Steve get beaten up all your teenage years, and it pained your stomach for you to see that and not be able to help him. But you knew nothing hurt him more than watching his mother die when you were eighteen.

You ran to his house before Bucky could even find out. You ran to him and you didn't even knock on the door, you just heard his crying. You walked to his room and opened the door, only this time he wasn't waiting with music or a smile, no. He was on the floor, clutching his body in pain.

"Shit, shit" you mumbled as your body shook, and tears came out of you too. You knew Sarah Rogers, you knew her story. She had been a fighter woman, it had never even crossed your mind that she was going to die. You practically ran into Steve's arms and forcibly embraced him, wrapping your arms around his weak body that for the first time, truly reflected what he looked like.

You used to say that his body was too small cause he didn't reflect the good man he was inside because it never brought out the best in him. Now, his small body only seemed to reflect his pain. "I'm so sorry, Stevie" you murmured running your hands over and rubbing his back "It's not fair, shit, it's not" you tearfully denied and hid your head in his neck. You felt his weak arms around you, and his crying had never hurt you more.

"I lost everything" his words echoed in every part of your body and you pulled away, also in tears and denying.

"No, Stevie, you have me. You have me, Bucky. And me you're never going to lose, not even if you want to."

And the door behind us opened loudly, we both turned to Bucky who was almost seedy. "The world sucks" he spat with tears in his eyes too.

He advanced to you and as he always used to do, he hugged you both by the shoulders and attached him. "Steve, you're going to get through this. I'm going to help you" James let the three foreheads collide. And usually, you used to be called whore for being with two men all day, now, everyone knew how important you could be even to wimpy Rogers, who had already proven he would fight for you.

...

A year later, Bucky enlisted for the war. Steve wanted it too, and you were just a nurse.

"You're crazy" you spoke as you had Steve sitting in front of you, shirtless and vulnerable. Yes, he was crazy but he was crazy for you too. The only thing that kept him from losing his mind about not being chosen for the army was because you were always the nurse attending him for tryouts, wearing that beautiful outfit. "Please, Steve, stop it" you begged to look at him.

"Your hair looks nice" he nodded.

"I didn't do anything to it."

"Yes, a bun" you gave him a dirty look and he just gave you a shy smile.

"You keep hurting yourself with this, you know that" you spoke. An officer walked in and you had never felt so nauseous as when the military man told him he had been accepted. You didn't believe it, and neither did he.

That he had to leave for boot camp tomorrow?

"I did" Steve's voice echoed and you raised your teary eyes at him. "I made it!" all you did, was grab his t-shirt and throw it at him. "Hey" his confused voice followed you as he walked out of there "Wait, wait" he grabbed your arm and you turned to look at him. "Could you get happy for me?" he asked confused.

"You're going to go to war! You want me to get happy about it?!" your shout echoed in the empty hallway to where both were.

"It's what I wanted."

"Well, I didn't want you to die!"

Your face transformed and saw a pain that you didn't understand "I knew you thought I can't do it"

"Are you kidding?"

"Yes, because of course, Bucky clearly could. He's big and shit, but me" he pointed out hurt "I'm not going to be able to do it, that's what you think. James is a hero for going to war and I give shame for going."

"You're an idiot, Steve. That's what you are. Always thinking you can take on the world but you don't even look at it. I don't want to lose you too!" you wiped away an annoying tear "After years of being the only one who always pulled you through, you think I think you can't do anything. I always believed in you!" you reproached him for the words. "But go, go save the world and die like all our fathers. Go!" you walked out of there clomping your shoes, annoyed.

And that night, the door of your house rang. Your mother called out to you and you came downstairs, clearly in a bad way. You were hurt about Steve and you couldn't even complain to Bucky because he wasn't there. You knew he was around but not in the house and you hadn't seen him, just his stuff and your mother's words. She said he had left with Steve, and you knew you hadn't been invited.

You saw Bucky standing there in his uniform, hands in his pocket.

"Hey" serious you stood in front of him "With Steve, we're going to a presentation, are you coming?"

"I thought it was a soldier's outing?"

"Steve already told me you're mad about that."

"Yes, I am. I'm glad he knows."

"You're going to let him leave knowing you're bitter?" you gritted your teeth just imagining losing Steve. Bucky had fought all his life, but you knew Steve was betting faith alone.

"I'm going to get ready," you muttered.

And the next day, you watched the two of them leave. You saw how Steve had made a new friend. And when Bucky said goodbye to you, Steve approached you somewhat guardedly.

"I don't want you to hate me" you rounded your eyes with tears you had already given for Bucky too.

"You're the biggest jerk of anyone I've ever faced, but you're the only one I love" every fraction of Steve's face contracted and he saw you. You nodded. "You're the best man in the world, and letting you go to war is losing you too."

"You're not going to lose me" HE WAS STUPID WITH WOMEN. HE WAS A FOOL.

"Then come home soon and I'll believe you."

"I love you" the words hit your chest and he kissed your cheek. You smiled with your eyes crystallized and watched him walk towards Bucky.

"Don't do anything stupid until we get back!" shouted Bucky and you laughed with tears, looking at both of them.

"How could I? You guys are taking all the stupid with you both."

A month later, without knowing anything about them, someone knocked on your door, you walked sleepily because you had been working late.

You opened it, saw a sturdy figure in the dark, and were frightened, only when you looked into his eyes. You blinked twice and hugged him, but you had to jump to hug him by the neck. It was weird, but your feet were dangling and tears were coming out.

"Until I finally know something about one of you" you mumbled through tears, but you were so hidden in Steve's neck and letting those new arms wrap around your body. A sob came out "Please tell me you came back to stay" you asked, and it was all you wanted.

"Bucky and I aren't on the same base" he murmured, still holding you. You pushed yourself away from his chest and he helped to deposit you. You pulled away confused and looked him up and down. "I changed" his cheeks flushed and you could tell by the faint porch light.

You grimaced even more "What stupid thing did you do?"

"A very big one" he mumbled nodding, but it didn't look bad. You brought his hands up to his face and stroked his cheek, returning to his eyes. "Can I talk to you?" you watched as he held his bag at his feet, and you guessed he had left it to hug you. You nodded and let him in, letting him know that your mother was asleep but would love to see him again.

He set his things down on the kitchen floor and you just went to heat water "I thought you were going to yell at me more for showing up in this state."

You turned to look at him, now in a better light. His body had completely changed and he was three times bigger. "Possibly I will when you tell me what you've done and how you've had your body like this, but right now I just keep seeing the same old idiot."

"That's good, I think" he spoke somewhat amused, and you smiled because he might be four times bigger and have muscles, but he was the same old Steve; withdrawn, bashful and cautious.

"I missed you so much" you confessed denying incredulously. "And now you show up like this, at a great size, and expect me to yell at you."

"I always expect my girl to yell at me" he teased and you had to smile involuntarily. The whistling kettle made you turn it off to pour the two cups of tea. So you sat down.

You were annoyed when he told you what he had agreed to, but you were even more annoyed to know that he wasn't telling you the worst parts so as not to upset you.

"I really do feel good like this, I think... I've been given a chance."

"You definitely took all the stupidity, do you think you need a great body to show everyone that you're Steve Rogers?"

"I always needed it, be honest. People saw me.... like shit."

"Not those of us who love you, Steve."

"By the same token, Bucky still hasn't seen me. He was sent into battle, he hasn't returned his group yet." you bit your lip and lowered your head. You hated the idea of even having to clear out Bucky's bedroom just because he wasn't coming back. But you always hoped so. It was the least you could do.

"So... What about you?" the question left your lips and you saw the look on his face.

"Tomorrow morning I'm being sent into battle" the vomit stopped in your throat and you had to get up quickly. The way he let it out, really expected a bad reaction. You gasped with some discomfort and took a step back. "I wanted to say goodbye in case" he muttered.

You nodded wryly "Come and break me even more Steve" you muttered and he got up.

"I'm not going to kill myself, it's just a possibility. And I wouldn't forgive myself, nor would I rest in peace knowing I didn't say goodbye to you."

And with fury, you slammed your palm into him. You saw his face, rather than pain, it was a surprise. "You're an idiot!" you shouted with the slightest intention of making it so loud as not to wake your mother. "You're a piece of shit, Steve" he mumbled your name, but you denied it with tears "I thought you were going to stay here. I thought you were going to choose me!"

His face transformed "I choose you. I always did. And when this is over, we can all three of us go back to -" you interrupted him, punching him in the chest again.

"No you piece of an idiot, no! Not the three of us!" you swallowed your words and realized what you were doing. He had already chosen that and you were just going to look like an idiot saying what you felt "You've already chosen that" you mumbled swallowing and nodded, bringing your hand to your head. "But you came to say goodbye and now you are telling me that when you come back. What about me, do I sit around waiting for you or Bucky to show up?"

"Or you can start making your life on the outside of us" Steve's words caused you to bring to curl your face which was completely in tears. "No please" you felt his voice crack "You deserve the whole world, you deserve a man who will turn the world around for you. You're going to find him only if you let your stupid friends go a little until they come back. You deserve the best."

And what that day didn't hurt, hurt all night as you slept in his arms, on the couch, after he comforted you. And you never thought those muscular arms could be so warm. If only he would stay...

---

It took you eight months to say yes to the man. Eight months where letters with Steve and Bucky were as infrequent as the news. Things weren't better, but they weren't bad, they just weren't there and you had never felt so empty.

And you had definitely done the stupidest thing, which was to get engaged. And as if that wasn't stupid enough, you sent the wedding invitations to both of them by letter, but at this point, that was all you wanted; them to come back.

Maybe that would get them back, maybe it would make Steve bang his head against the wall and realize he should have stayed and not left in that shitty world alone.

Your bedroom door rattled and you let yourself in, waiting for your mother to put down that dress she'd gone to get while you were getting ready. It was tomorrow, a small wedding in which your maid of honor was nothing more than your co-worker who you got along with because it was never really your forte to socialize with anyone.

You let it pass and the lipstick you had on your hand fell off when, through the mirror, you saw Bucky and Steve walk by as if they were those two little boys sneaking out to get your attention.

You turned and put your hands to your mouth, choking back the scream with tears. They both smiled, but there was something about their smile that hurt. "You two came" Steve's eyes crystallized as he looked at you, only it wasn't for the same thing you thought.

"Impossible to miss your wedding, little sis" Bucky murmured and you stood up, jumping on him letting him hug and lift you. "Shit, we left you alone for a while" he joked and put down.

You looked at Steve and smiled at him, he did too after wiping away a tear that had fallen "You're doing it" he murmured "You moved forward" you let out a little cry and jumped into his arms. You sank your head on his shoulder and missed the look Steve gave Bucky, for the first time confessing to him what the dark-haired man had always known.

Bucky sighed and denied, stunned at his friend's sudden confession he thought he would never make. It wasn't fair for him or you to make it at that moment, and Steve understood that from the look on his face. He closed his eyes and

made a pained smile, but enjoyed the scent on him.

You walked away and looked at them, proud and happy for them. "How are you both doing?" they both nodded, but didn't answer; Bucky was processing the pain Steve was in, and Steve was processing his pain.

That day was spent together with the three of them. You told them everything you could, and they just listened as if they didn't have things to say. But you mattered, they had always made space for you before. You told them about your fiancé above conversation, but you emphasized the wedding: not with whom, you just told them what it meant to put it together.

"You're happier about the wedding than you are about getting married" Bucky's words made you take your gaze off Steve, who only smiled slightly as he looked at you. You both made eye contact.

"Well, that's it. Don't you think?" your mother distorted the conversation, who began to shout and celebrate at having you both; she admired and gibbered at Bucky, she was proud and encouraging of Steve, saying how proud she was of him.

They had both confessed that they were just coming to the wedding, to be with me after the invitation. You were disappointed and let them know it. "But you can stay longer."

"What are you going to need us for now that you're already going to be someone's wife?" Steve spoke as he fiddled his fingers between the table. He looked up and smiled at you again.

"For everything" you mumbled in response.

"Well" Bucky slapped his hands together as he looked at both of you. "Are we going to celebrate or are we going to do that cumbersome presentation with someone we don't know?"

"We're going to party" you muttered.

And really the stupidest thing you had done was invite them because there was something on both of their faces that let you know they didn't want to be there, especially Steve's face. They were there for you, not because they wanted to be, but because they would always be there for you.

And that wanted you to die because everything you had planned had gone down the drain when you had Bucky's look of pity and Steve who looked like he hated that he had come.

"Looks like someone forced both to come" you caught the attention of both of them who were silent, looking at you "Or is there something you want to tell me?"

"Just processing the fact that you're getting married" Bucky spoke and Steve nodded without raising his head.

"Yeah, it's been a long few days. We're just processing it" you laid your hands on the table and felt Steve's gaze accompany the ring. "It's pretty"

I wrinkled my nose "I saw it a little big, but it's nice."

That night, one way or another, you ended up alone on the porch with Steve. You were both looking out at the dark street and you were hugging your knees.

"Are you happy?" you asked and he looked at you, just as he had been doing for the last twenty minutes. "At war."

He shrugged "It's what I got, it feels productive."

You laughed incredulously as if you were hurt by the answer "I told you, Stevie"

He shrugged "I'm fine, really." there was another silence "What about you, are you happy?"

I don't know if that's exactly the most naïve question to ask the bride who is about to get married in a few hours, who was heartbroken over something she'd never admitted to. "Yes, I mean, I'm getting married. It's exciting... "

"Put some emotion into it, then," Steve's words were cold.

"It's just... it's just still hard to believe."

"Not for me. It's really only part of what you deserve. You deserve to be put on a pedestal, put in a better place, and shown every day what you're worth. That's the marriage you choose. And I'm happy for you. I loved being all this way with you."

Your eyes crystallized again as you looked at him "Why are you talking like it's over?"

Both gazes collided and he smiled with a certain obviousness "Because what we had is over, now a new stage begins for you, and it means there's Bucky and I left in there. But that's okay, because we'll always be inside your life like fleas. Only... now we have to accept that we won't be the first men you're going to choose."

You denied "It will always be you first."

"Wait until you have kids and they run to greet the war uncles" he joked but didn't laugh.

Neither did you.

And all you wanted to do was ask Steve to play a song and dance with you. But you remembered that tomorrow you were going to dance with another man. And you really weren't going to play with your own heart like that. It would be stupid. Really stupid if you did that.

But you looked at him, and he looked at you "Can you dance with me?" and he had never said no to you before, so he stood up and let you lay your head on his chest. And in the dark, you didn't let him see the tear that fell down your cheek.

Too bad you didn't see his either.

...

The white dress dragged on the floor of a church you never went to because it wasn't in your town. You weren't in Brooklyn where you had grown up, no. And soon you were going to move out of there because you were walking down the aisle.

The walk was supposed to be looking at the groom, but you could only look at your mother, who was looking at Bucky, who was looking at Steve, who was looking at you. You smiled, all three of you made a grimace that was nowhere near a smile.

Now, unbeknownst to you, four people were thinking that was a bad idea. Including you. You shook your head at the boy and closed your eyes for a second, taking a breath of air: he was going to stay, and those on the bench were going to leave. Some had already made other decisions. And you looked at Steve from just thinking that but you averted your eyes again.

Steve had his gaze up, and he had settled into the soldier's stance with superiority, and so did Bucky as well.

The piano stopped playing but to you, the keys were still vibrating, and it was no longer fun or exciting.

The dress had stopped being pretty and you began to get annoyed with the maid of honor who had even spoken.

You were annoyed by the pink color of the bouquet in your hand and almost dropped it on the floor.

Your shoes hurt and they weren't comfortable either, but they were at one point.

"She's wearing your necklace" Bucky muttered in Steve's ear, who turned his head away. His friend hadn't told him about it, he couldn't do it or hurt himself at the wedding when he was doing it from just looking at you. "A necklace you gave ger ten years ago."

"Shut up" the words came out in a whisper violently, but you weren't even listening because no one but them could. Or so they thought as your mother was feeling her heart skip a beat hearing what she had always known.

"Steve, I know it's late but shit, I think this is your last chance" the stares were on you, where your palm was caressed as the priest spoke.

"There's no chance"

"Yes, there is" the woman muttered feeling like shit for doing that to her daughter. Both boys were silent, still. "Come on, Steve" it sounded like a plea in a whisper and Steve looked all around, hoping no one was listening.

"She's getting married, please," he begs in a whisper.

"Speak now" Bucky squeezed his arm, still sitting in line.

The preacher took his gaze from you "Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Silence punctured the stomach of the four of you and you didn't even turn to look because you know it was something that wouldn't happen. A chair ended the silence and you turned, your eyes widened as Bucky stood up slapping his hands between his thighs. Steve looked at him with even wider eyes, and the way he grabbed his friend by the arm, you had to drop the bouquet of roses knowing what it was.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of man who interrupts a wedding like that" Bucky asked permission from two women who were too stunned to move. He walked by just the same and looked at you. He denied it as if it was external to what he could do. You looked at your mother who was standing, Steve was too. "I'm not in love with you, it would be weird, you're my sister" why the fuck was he giving a speech?

"Bucky, come here" Steve's voice shook and he earned everyone's stare, letting his cheeks turn red.

"I'm not in love with you" Bucky repeated pointing to you in the middle of the aisle and making eye contact with you as if it was for you he had to say "and it's not my place to do this, I know it, you know it. But I can't tolerate watching you waste your life looking at Steve from afar, and I wouldn't tolerate Steve crying all night if you said yes either."

Everyone looked at Steve, everyone really. He just looked at you, like he was fucking sorry. You took a deep breath and looked at him, but he ended the contact as he lowered his gaze in denial and walked past the people, walking quickly after Bucky who had left rather quickly.

There was silence and their gazes settled on you. "I'm sorry. I... it's the men I grew up with" you truly don't know how you dared to look into the stunned eyes of the boy next to you "I'm so sorry, but something's not right" was all you muttered to pull off your ring and drop it, running quickly down the hallway.

Steve was annoyed, yelling at Bucky at the church entrance. But when the wooden door opened, they both turned around stunned. "I'm sorry" Steve muttered as if he had to apologize, but you'd already had enough shit for one day so all you did was move towards him pulling your dress uncomfortably, intending to pull the top off, and pounced on Steve's lips.

Steve didn't react, but he didn't pull his lips over yours. Bucky had to yell with his arms up, for Steve to bring his hands to your hips and kiss you back. "Into the car before the church botherers come out!" yelled Bucky pointing to the car in front, and by the time you realized it, there were the three of them running. Steve shoved you into the back seat and jumped in with you, while Bucky started up before Steve could close the door.

A silence ensued "In the movies, they don't specify what you do after that moment" muttered Bucky.

"You're a fucking idiot!" you shouted towards Steve and Bucky quickly braked the car, turning towards the seat.

"What?" they both looked at you, confused.

Your eyes crystallized"I told you several times and you waited until the day of my life!"

"You told him?" Bucky yelled looking at Steve.

"You didn't tell me anything!" justified Steve.

Your eyes crystallized "I told you when I asked you to choose me, to stay with me! When I told you we didn't want to be the three of us, it was because I was talking about the two of us!"

Bucky knelt on the seat looking at Steve who seemed to have grasped the situation too late "Yes you are an idiot!" he shouted back annoyed "Twenty years without taking a hint, she tells you straight up and you go to war!"

"I-I" Steve stammered but you had already returned to kiss his lips effusively. This one was quick to take you and attach yourself to him.

"Well, I'll be the driver and take you to the safest place where no one is supposed to go and rip each other's heads off."

"I'm sorry" you turned your head towards Steve, who every time he seemed to remember the last few minutes got red. "Shit, I'm sorry" he stammered "You didn't have to, it wasn't the best time. You deserved a good man, I didn't have the right to any of that"

"Steve, shut up better" spoke Bucky.

"Steve, really...I think that was the best thing you've ever done" you muttered somewhat amused and he took a breath.

"Now, instead of saying any quality of what she deserves, strive to be the one who fulfills all that" Bucky interjected and parked the car. He pointed to Steve's old house "Out of the car, I'll come to visit."

Steve opened the door and lowered his head as you got out, you could see him still a little uncomfortable. Well so were you.

He took a few seconds to rummage for the keys under his door and you tried to ignore the "congratulations" of the people walking past you with a smile as if you two had just gotten married. Steve had the same face, with a grimace trying not to give away that he had interrupted the wedding.

You walked in when he let you through first and pushed every top fabric your long dress had, it was a shame because it was pretty after all.

You coughed towards the dust that was in the house in general, which hadn't been cleaned possibly since Steve had left. You turned to him, in the suit that was closer to wartime than anything else.

You nodded when you saw his blue eyes.

"I love you, Steve, I love you as a friend, but as more of a friend. I didn't want all three, I wanted both. I wanted you, I wanted you to choose me before you left. I didn't think you weren't capable of it, I just wanted you not to."

"I didn't understand," he confessed apologetically and shrugged.

You walked over to him and stood in front. You wiped his lip that had your lipstick on it from the first kiss you had given each other outside the church. He just looked at you "I even had the nerve to stand up myself."

"Because you're not that kind of man, but... it's valid, we have Bucky for a reason" he smiled slightly and you brought your hand to his cheek. You stroked with your thumb, he tilted down his head.

"You were going to get married, you deserved it."

"What doesn't happen also happens for a reason" he hugged you as if having you was his priority. He hugged you, kissed you and you even had to be explicit to make him take you to bed; that bed you had laid in so many times as children innocently, where you played or just complained. Now you were in that bed and he was on top of you.

He still hadn't gotten used to his size, you knew that because he was kind of clumsy and bumbling, but you just laughed as he begged for forgiveness. You pulled him to you, you murmured to him how much you loved him and how much you wanted him, he was still begging for forgiveness.

And when you were on his chest, resting and feeling your heart beating fast. He would run his hand down your bareback, but you felt him tremble as if he was afraid he was doing something wrong; he had been like this for a while, even afraid of hurting you in the act.

You knew he was like this because, after all, he didn't know how to behave with a woman. "I never wanted you to feel like I was turning my back on you before going in as a soldier."

"I think I understand now" you murmured and you just lifted your head, resting your chin on his chest and looking at him. He lowered his gaze and saw you. You ran your hands over his face, over his lips, over his cheekbone.

"I thought you were going with that girl who was... Sergeant? Senior? I don't know."

"She's a nice girl, but no...she wasn't you."

You smiled as you bit your cheek, thus playing with your fingers on Steve's face "Can I be the one to wait for you every time you have to leave?"

"What?"

"What if I can wait for you every day, or wait every day for your letter or just sit on the airfield to wait to see you arrive?"

"You deserve more than that" your body tensed and he denied "I don't want you to wait for me that long" his hand kept caressing your back "But I would like it if you did when you know I'm coming" you frowned and he closed his eyes for a few seconds "Tomorrow I have to go back, you know?"

You denied, pulling away from his chest "No, not again Steve. We've already seen how it ends and I don't like it"

"No, no, wait" he grabbed your arm quickly, sitting up so you wouldn't leave. He averted his gaze to your bare breasts after lifting you up and then to your face. "I'm going, but I'm going to tender my resignation from the war service" every muscle in your body is untensed. "I've been waiting all my life for this, waiting for you to have love in me. I have you, and I know I have you and... I don't want to let you go again."

Maybe you should feel selfish, but you kept thinking both were going to be happy. You smiled "Good. Good" you repeated shaking your head and hugging him by the shoulders, sitting back down on him. "You're going to go, you're going to come back and I'm going to wait for you with everything done for you. You're going to come back and we're going to be happy, do you think so?"

He nodded and bit his lip "And we're going to get married, and we're going to have children. We're going to dance every day."

You pressed your forehead to his, with a smile "I like it" you nodded.

And from when he left, a month went by where it was letters and letters after letters. Letters to one side, letters to another side, you didn't even care if anyone read them in between, you just wanted them to get to Steve.

You also wrote to Bucky, but less frequently.

You had spent a whole month redecorating the house where Steve had been born; you had removed every dust, every crumb, every shadow of grime that had accumulated. You changed the curtains and aired out the house, letting the sunshine into the living room.

He had said so, said that when he came back, you were definitely going to move in together. You couldn't complain, you didn't even want to, so after his approval by one of the letters, you started doing those things.

You put little Steve's clothes away, knowing there was no way anything would fit him. You bought some clothes for him, squeezing that month's income and moving the savings around a bit; it didn't matter, some things had been returned from the wedding and others that you had sold; like the bottom of the dress that you had torn, but it was a good fabric. Or like the decorations that would have been a nice souvenir if you had just gotten married.

There were five days when you didn't hear from him, and you truly pretended not to worry every time a new wave of hurt people came. You desperately tried not to cross those blue eyes, but lucky for you, you never did.

You were in the emergency room, wearing the gown and your hair pulled back when you heard a thick voice calling for help "We need urgent assistance!" it was Steve's voice, so when you turned around you saw him dragging the gurney with an injured person on it. Medics rushed over, and you simply dropped what you had in your hand to run and hug him, but he hadn't seen you.

He relaxed his arms when he smelled your scent and hid his head in your neck "You came back" you murmured. He lifted you off the ground lightly, kissing your neck.

"Forever, I swear."

You pulled away to see him and saw his uniform with all his things on his chest. You touched one and looked at him somewhat complicit "You got promoted."

He nodded and stood straight and serious "Major General," he said trying to hide his smile. You didn't and creased your proud smile "To work in the field here in training, without having to leave. I'm staying here."

You brought your hands up to his cheeks and kissed him "I think that's awesome Stevie." you said amused and stroked the back of his neck, watching as he still hugged you by the hip "I've got the house almost ready."

He brought one of his hands up to the nameplate on your uniform and touched it "When you get ready I'm going to make sure you have my last name."

"I'm dying for that" you murmured close to his lips.

Getting married, having kids, moving in, and living with Steve Rogers had never been a desire or a weird feeling. So it was a success to achieve that.

And not only did they dance almost every day, but he didn't stop giving you flowers; this time, not feeling a little ashamed to give his wife flowers, and after a while, his daughter too; in the future, he hoped his son would treat women the same way.

Dancing had never felt better, even when you had him next to you and he let you sway along with him. Sometimes he would catch your laughter in his mouth when he kissed you, other he would laugh with you.

When he came home early, he would go and get things to eat, when he didn't, you waited for him at the door sitting; at first alone, then with your belly, then with a child, then pregnant again, and so time went by, but whenever he looked in the direction, he smiled.

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