#and no matter how much people will yell about this

[thelov3lybookworm]

Journals

Summary: everyone is happy

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: heavyyyy angst, sad lil fic (literally what i named this before i came up with a title), mental health issues, depression, feeling unworthy of love, panic attack, self harm, self hate. thats all i can think of right now, but let me know if i need to add anything

A/n: based on this and this poetry by @gardenofrunar 🤭 you couldnt tell it was me could you pookie?

also, there is not really a bat boy our reader is supposed to be with, so im tagging this as all three of them. there will most probably not be a second part to this, but still, lemme know hat you all think

AND, im not trying to glorify what reader is going through in this fic. if you are going through something, please talk to someone. you are not alone, my loves ❣️

anyways, enjoyyyy!!

It was happening again.

The breathlessness was starting to creep up again on her.

And the worst part wasn't the fact that she felt like she was dying.

It was that she was alone. Again.

No one was coming. No one cared. No one would even realise she was gone until it was too late, and maybe that was a miracle.

Click.

The haze cleared slightly, and gasping for breath, Y/n stood, somehow making it to the stairs leading to her bedroom before her lungs constricted again.

She had no other option as she crumbled on the stairs, the hard wood digging into her sides and thighs.

She could not breathe.

She could not think.

She could not move.

She could not breathe.

A cruel laugh broke through her consciousness, the sound so familiar yet so foreign, Y/n could not help but sob.

You deserve this.

Azriel. It was him, no doubt. But the longer she sat there, other voices started joining in.

First Cassian. Then Mor, Rhysand. Amren.

Feyre, Nesta. Elain.

"Stop." She whispered, her hands shaking as she rose them to her ears, pressing as hard as she could. But no matter how much she tried to ignore it, the clearer the words became.

You deserve this.

You don't deserve us.

It's your own fault.

In an attempt to get away, to get some peace and quiet, she reached out, clutching the stair. The wood grains whispered against her palm, their sound lost to ears filled with taunts and laughter.

Still, she dug in her fingers, her nails screaming in protest, her heart yelling back in a horrific screech, beating loud enough to almost drown out her family.

Almost.

Pulling herself up, she reached out her hand, ignoring the pain as she did her best to haul her dysfunctional body up the hard terrain, trying to make it to her bed before she lost herself fully to the dark depths of her mind, losing all sense of her being.

Somehow, having no recollection of the climb, Y/n collapsed at the landing, her breathing erratic as she stared at the blurry paintings on the wall, gifted to her by Rhysand's mate.

Had they always been this blurry?

In the back of her mind, she realised that they were never blurry. There were just tears in her eyes, but she didn't think too much about that as she crawled forward, miraculously crossing the threshold to her room, the familiar smell of flowers Elain had gifted her last week pulling her out of her misery for a moment, enough to let her get up and stumble into the plush material of her bed before tears again erupted in her eyes.

They then came back, screaming in her ears about how much of a disappointment she was, how she deserved no happiness.

And she agreed with them.

But still, it hurt her heart to hear the people she cared for voice thoughts she only limited to the darkness of night, under the gentle presence of the moonlight.

You don't deserve happiness.

She knew the inevitable onslaught of her self hatred was about to break over her head, knew it was unavoidable and would probably have her moping for days.

Her mind started wandering, which in itself was alarming because as much as she wanted to stop thinking about her miserable life, she knew that any and all thoughts she had at these times would only work against her.

Rhys's tear stained cheeks, his bloodshot eyes and his quiet sobs as he clutched Y/n's hands between both of his, Y/n's soft cooing as she tried her best to soothe his wounds after his mother and sister's death.

As she held him after his return from under the mountain.

This was going to be a long night, she was sure.

Cassian's grumpy self refusing to eat after one of the Illyrians had again bullied him for not being good enough. Y/n's cheeks aching from how hard she was trying not to smile as she tried to convince the overgrown illyrian to eat something.

Azriel's shaky hands as she held onto him after a particularly bad nightmare that usually started keeping him up around the time his hands were burned, the anniversary o the time where an innocent little boy realised that the world was filled with cruelty.

Y/n being the first one to find out about Mor's liking in women and helping her sneak out to meet her lovers.

Y/n dragging gallons of fresh blood to Amren's apartment under the cover of the night when she knew the ancient being hadn't had the time to feast.

Her hands scrambled to find something to tether herself to, to remind her that this was not real and that it would pass. That her family did love her, and that they would never hurt her or want her to think this way of herself.

They would never hurt her the way she hurt herself.

They just wouldn't... would they?

Rhys's wide smile as he admired his mate while she spoke to a grinning Cassian, who in turn turned to Azriel to tease the blushing Illyrian. Mor, giggling over her glass of wine as she mumbled something to Elain, Nesta and Amren conversing in hushed tones next to the window, happiness shining on both their faces.

And Y/n watched on, huddled in her own little corner as she gulped down another glass of champagne, trying to focus on the burn in her throat as the liquor travelled down. Trying not to think of the way her breathing started coming in shorter pants, her lungs constricting in the too small rib cage that were set on killing her.

Trying to ignore the tang of copper in her mouth as she bit her own tongue, not wanting to speak and draw attention to herself, to ask for help because she was too unused to suffering in silence. Her family had always been there, and she had never had to go even a day without their constant nagging. She always had at least one of them guiding her through the worst of her days.

Trying not to think of how no one even glanced up as she exited the room, tears prickling her eyes, feeling like she was nothing but an intruder, watching from outside the warmth of the house, standing knee deep in the cold snow as she tried her best to keep warm by looking at the happy faces of her family, no matter how much she was freezing on the inside.

Her fingers curled around the lumpy material of her comforter, and she pushed forward, trying to ignore the tears that rolled down her warm cheeks and buried her head in the soft fabric.

And then let out the ear piercing scream she had been holding in, uncaring that she had let down the sound shield around her room.

She knew no one was around to hear.

She knew no one would come.

They were all too happy to worry.

Her stomach was grumbling, and she was glad it was because otherwise it would've been the cause for concern, considering she hadn't eaten in almost a day.

She was still so tired and wanted to do nothing but lay in bed all day and cry, but she needed to eat too.

And so here she was, chopping up some vegetables in a daze, not really paying attention despite wanting to focus on something that took her mind off of her thoughts.

It was not easy to stop thinking, so when suddenly the fog in her mind cleared, she glanced down.

The red of her blood was bright, and the longer she stared, the quicker the pain came, but it was only a tiny sting, nothing more than the bite of an ant in the shape of a knife.

She stared, and stared.

And then, she lifted her eyes, her gaze settling on her dagger, unprompted.

She smiled.

Writing was one of the parts of Y/n's responsibilities. Writing a letter to help the relations between the courts. A report for the high lord.

It was one of the things that broke her out of her own mind's torture, one of the things that made her feel like she wasn't entirely useless.

So here she was, just scribbling away senseless words in her journal, knowing she would hide it away before anyone saw it. Saw the blood stains.

For the first time in weeks, she was smiling, no tears to be found in her eyes as she lay on her stomach on the bed, her legs in the air behind her as she began doodling little flowers in the corner of the page, her inkpot next to her and her dagger in her other hand.

She went to dip in her feather pen in the ink, frowning a little as it created spots of ink on the crumpled paper, mixing with the dark red liquid that still dripped slowly from her fingers, little rivulets running down from her wrist.

As she continued, a tap on her mental walls had her pausing, and after a brief conversation with Rhys, she got up, closing her journal and beginning to clean the cuts on her wrist and around the journal and then donning a flowy, simple white gown.

It wasn't long before a knock sounded at her door, and she hurried to open it to find Cassian standing on her front porch, smiling.

"Hey Y/n, Rhys asked me to pick you up-"

Y/n nodded. "Yes I know, let me just grab my things and then we can go."

He shrugged, leaning against the doorframe.

She ran up the stairs and to her bedroom, grabbing the little bag she had put all her pens and previous reports into, deciding to carry them with her just in case.

She hurried back out within a few moments, but she saw that Cassian had moved, standing near the gates. Which was suspicious, but not too alarming as she stepped onto the porch.

"Let's go."

Before she shut the door Y/n turned and glanced around the house for the last time. Why, she didn't know. But she couldn't shake the feeling in her gut that something was wrong.

And she had known to always trust her gut.

But she turned around, locking the door before leaving.

Not realising her journal was missing from the table.

"I really don't want to pressure you too much Y/n, so if you don't want to be a part of this research, I understand-"

"Rhys, this is no burden. I'm actually honoured you even considered me for this project."

His brows furrowed, his smile turning confused. "What are you talking about Y/n? You're one of the smartest people I know. Of course you are included-" he trailed off, his eyes filling with understanding. "How have you been Y/n?"

Y/n blinked, pretending not to understand what he meant by that. Of course Rhys knew she struggled with feeling worthy of her family, and of course he made that connection.

"I've been good, Rhys." Y/n mumbled, an easy grin on her face as if Rhys's concern was ridiculous.

"Have you had any recent episodes-"

"Guess what I found!"

He paused, both their heads turning to where Cassian's booming voice floated through the cracked door.

Y/n's whole body ran cold, and before she could even question the reaction of her body to something that wouldn't have concerned her before, she was stumbling out the door, following Cassian's voice to the sitting room, where everyone else was gathered.

Cassian was grinning as he explained to them how he had gone to pick Y/n's up from her house, and how he found-

Her secret diary.

Y/n's eyes widened, her legs refusing to move as her gaze locked on the book Cassian held in his hand.

"Oh, look, she's here too!" He turned to her, his expression carefree and inviting. "Never knew you had a diary Y/n. What will I find if I read through it? Your secret lover's name? His-"

"Cass." Y/n warned, finally getting herself to move forward as he danced back, his hands beginning to crack open the book.

"Will I find your secret fantasies-"

He stopped dead in his tracks, all the emotions gone from his face as he stared at the page he had opened, his features hard. Y/n waited with bated breath, her head turning to gauge everyone's reaction.

Mor sat with Nyx in her lap, bouncing him as she glanced between Y/n and Cassian. Feyre and Azriel exchanged confused glances before Azriel stood, stalking towards Cass.

Panicked, Y/n jumped forward, but before her hand could wrap around her journal, he pulled away, face pale.

"What is this?"

"None of your business."

Azriel had stopped, his eyes wide as he stared at Y/n.

That's when Y/n realised he had smelled the blood she left on the pages.

Damn it.

Y/n stepped back towards the exit as she felt all the eyes on her, panic starting to dig its claws in her gut and begin its ascent up her throat as the shadows curled around Azriel's ear and his eyes went to her wrist, covered by the long sleeves of her dress.

Y/n turned to find Rhys standing in the doorway, his eyes filled with tears.

"Why?"

She glanced once at everyone, tears starting to fill her own eyes, her face flushing in embarrassment, mad that she had started crying over nothing, and pushed past Rhys, running towards the front door.

"Y/n!"

They will be mad.

You deserve it.

Y/n fled the river house, ignoring the concerned looks thrown her way by the people on the streets as she ran straight to her house.

They hate you.

The door slammed shut behind her as she leaned against it, gasping for breath as her lungs started contracting painfully, refusing to let her breathe.

The breathlessness was starting to creep up again on her.

It was happening again.

Acotar Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686

@cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1

@hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21

@mybestfriendmademe @saltedcoffeescotch @eve175 @starsinyourseyes

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @byyalady @lilah-asteria

@girlswithimagination @gardenofrunar @girlswithimagination @sunnyspycat

@artists-ally @riddlesb1tch @milswrites @berryzxx

Azriel Taglist: @darthdumbasss @foreverrandomwritings @azrielsmate3 @celestialend

@stqrgirlies-blog @tele86 @bakananya @xyzmeh

@st4r-girl-official @caraaaaugh @nacho-nat @allllium

@fandomarchiveilyd @nickishadow139

Cassian Taglist: @moonlwghts @samslittlespoon @nickishadow139

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The Truth of the Matter

A four part miniseries

@wonderland-girl143-blog @gregre369 @420-hun

Part One

Part Two

Robin poured over the book that Eddie had bought at the Flea Market. She was reading it rather intensely. She looked up at Eddie.

"You said you bought this at a Flea Market?" Robin asked.

"Actually, it was free. There was this woman selling only this. I thought it was strange, especially when she wouldn't sell it until I came up. She said, "This is for you," and gave it to me," Eddie said. "I tried going back the next weekend, but she was gone, and no one ever heard of her."

"That is. . .odd," Dustin said.

"Well, everything else is in English, but the spells are in Latin," Robin said.

"No, they were all in English. I read English," Eddie said.

"Uh, Eddie, you weren't speaking in English when you said the spell," Lucas said.

"I wasn't?" He asked.

"No," Dustin, Mike, and Lucas said.

"Why are you still glaring at me, Michael?" Robin asked. "I almost punched you, but I didn't. . . Anyway, it says here that only people with Wiccan blood can automatically translate the spells in their head and perform them."

"Wait, does this mean that I'm a witch?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah."

"Holy shit! This is the COOOLEST!" Eddie yelled.

"Hey, maybe you can use your powers to help Steve find his parents," Dustin said.

"Oh, shit, that's right. . .Harrington was kidnapped," Eddie winced and whirled around. "Sorry, man."

Steve had plopped down on Eddie's throne and leaned back against it as he crossed his legs. He was staring straight ahead, looking at nothing. Eddie tried to ignore how good he looked in that chair and also the fact that he wanted to untangle his legs to sit down in his lap. His face looked troubled, so Eddie easily pushed those thoughts away.

"You okay, man?" Eddie asked.

"Steve?" Robin asked.

"Shit! Robin, who's at the store?!" Steve asked, sitting up.

"I closed the store and hitched a ride with a customer. Keith is going to be pissed but I thought you were being murdered," Robin said. "Anyway, more important things to focus on here, babe. Are you okay?"

"Well, my parents aren't my parents, which I kind of always thought, but I didn't think they kidnapped me. Do you think they might have killed my real parents?" Steve asked.

"I don't know, but we're going to fucking find out because you look like a goddamn kicked puppy and the way you're inflating your eyes like that is killing me," Eddie said as he ripped the book out of Robin's hands.

"We're just going to ignore a lot of the secrets that Steve spilled, right?" Dustin asked.

"Even the sex dream about - " Lucas started to say.

"Yes, because that's my fucking sister and Will's brother!" Mike exclaimed.

"Ah, the sex dream. Did you mention the clown sitting in the corner watching while it made balloon animals?" Robin asked.

"No!" Steve scowled. "Fucking clowns."

"Did you really touch Steve’s dick?" Dustin asked Robin.

"Yes, and my lesbianism is still very much intact," Robin said. "Thank God."

"I thought we weren't going to talk about this!" Mike yelled.

"Mike's such a prude. He's afraid to talk about sex even though we're all sentient walking water bags made of sex and flesh," Dustin said.

"Okay. Now, you just made me uncomfortable. Never describe it like that again," Eddie said.

Dustin gave him a toothy grin, and he smiled softly before looking back at the book.

"What are we going to do if my parents are like dead or on the other side of the world?" Steve asked.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Steve," Dustin said.

"You want to know, don't you?" Robin asked.

"Yeah. . .yeah, I guess," Steve said softly. "I guess it's the feeling that I don't know what to expect here that's overwhelming me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up for really good parents."

"That makes sense," Robin said softly. "I'm sure it'll work out."

"I can't believe Eddie's allowing you to sit in his chair," Mike said. "No one sits there except for him."

"It's cause he's pretty," Eddie said without looking up, and Steve giggled. "Hey, I found it! Steve, get your gorgeous ass in the circle and take off your shirt. Oh, you also need a blank piece of paper."

"Does it really need me to take off my shirt?" Steve asked.

"Yes it does," Eddie said seriously.

Dustin looked over his shoulder, frowned, and opened his mouth to say something. Eddie quickly put his arm around him and pulled his face to his chest, cooing at him. Steve looked doubtfully at him for a moment before getting up off the chair and pulling off his shirt. Dustin shoved Eddie away, scowling at him. Eddie grinned at Steve as he moved back into the circle with a sheet of paper. Eddie relit the candles and got the others to stand around Steve.

"Am I good?" Steve asked.

"Hold on, you need to be a little bit more even," Eddie frowned.

He placed his hands on Steve’s hips and moved him slightly.

"I think you're just finding any excuse to touch me," Steve smirked.

"Who? Me?" Eddie asked innocently.

"If I look in the book, it's not going to say I need to be shirtless, is it?" He asked.

Eddie smirked and moved his hands to Steve’s stomach. He dragged his fingertips up, moving softly over his skin. Steve shuddered. He rested his hands on his pecs for a moment before moving them to his shoulders.

"On your knees, big boy," Eddie said as he pushed him to his knees.

"I just want to remind you that there are children in the room, and one of them is me!" Robin yelled and Eddie jumped.

"What were we doing?" He asked as he blinked a lot.

"Oh my God! Finding Steve’s parents!" Dustin shrieked. "Have your way with our babysitter later!"

"You act like it's my fault!" Eddie exclaimed. "Tell Steve to stop being so pretty!"

"Steve! Stop it!"

"I can't help it! It just naturally happens," Steve smirked.

"Well, since you're not human, I guess you could say it's SUPERnatural," Robin said.

Robin and Steve giggled before high fiving each other. Dustin sighed.

"Steve, do you want to find your parents or not?" Dustin asked.

"Not if you're going to have that attitude," Steve scowled.

"It's his tone, right?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, let's get this done before our kid has a conniption," Steve said.

"He's really eager to meet his grandparents," Eddie cackled.

"Oh, now, you're in on the joke?" Dustin asked as Mike and Lucas laughed.

"Yeah," Steve and Eddie said.

Eddie opened the book and began to chant. The lights flickered, and the flames from the candles shot up in the air. Wind whipped around the room as Eddie continued to say the spell. Steve twitched and then shook before falling backward. He started shrieking in pain as the paper fell from his hands.

"Eddie! Stop! Stop! STOP! SOMETHING'S WRONG!" Lucas yelled.

Eddie stopped the chant, and as soon as he did, Steve stopped screaming.

"My back, my back. . .something's on my back," Steve said.

Eddie shut the book and rushed so quickly to get to him that he ended up sliding across the floor on his knees. He turned Steve over to find a painful looking rune flaring up in the middle of his back.

"What the fuck is that?" Mike asked.

Eddie opened the book and began flipping through the pages, cursing as he did so. Meanwhile, he had Steve’s head in his lap, blinking up at him.

"Okay, it says here that it's some sort of rune of protection. . . Against fae. . .you know, fairies. . .a witch placed it on you," Eddie said. "Well, that's fucked. . . No wonder your parents couldn't find you. . .well, let's see if we can't get this fucker off of you. . . Shit, I hope I can do this. . .it says I need to be related to the witch who placed the rune on you."

Eddie took one hand off the book and began stroking Steve’s hair. He muttered something, and the page turned. He did that quite a few times as he read.

"Eddie, what did you say to the book?" Mike asked.

"Oh, I said,"Turn the page." I guess I was speaking in Latin again," Eddie said.

"That's so cool," Dustin muttered.

"Okay. . .getting this rune off is going to hurt a lot. . .do you want to do this?" Eddie asked Steve.

"I'm used to a little pain. Bring it," Steve said.

"Okay, sit up," Eddie said and pulled a knife out of his pocket.

Steve sat up, putting himself on his knees again. Eddie sat behind him and muttered something else. The spellbook floated in front of him, and he opened the knife. Eddie sighed and hesitated before placing a kiss on Steve’s shoulders blade.

"Is that part of the spell?" Steve asked.

"No, it's just going to fucking hurt a lot. It's basically me cutting it out. . .so, yeah. . .sorry, so, so, so sorry," Eddie said.

He muttered another spell as he looked at the book and held the knife over a flame, letting it get hot. He chanted for a moment, and the flames flared up around the blade. Eddie hovered the blade above the rune and started to say the spell as he moved the knife as though he was actually cutting it off. Steve let out an inhuman shriek, his yells bouncing off the walls. The wind picked up, the flames grew higher, and the lights above them exploded as Eddie continued to chant. Tears rolled down Steve’s cheek as he threw his head back. Finally, Eddie stopped, and Steve collapsed in relief.

"Shit, that did hurt," Steve said, and he paused when he didn't get a response. "Eddie?"

Steve turned around and found Eddie still sitting on his knees. Blood was pouring out of his nose. He swayed and fell backward. Steve moved over to him and cradled him in his arms.

"Eddie?" He asked.

"There was a suggestion in the book to not overdo it. I was just like. . .fuck it, I can do it. I'm fine, I'm fine. . .I just need someone's lips on mine," Eddie said and closed his eyes, puckering his lips.

"Alright, I'll just go find Principal Higgins, shall I?" Dustin asked, peering over Steve’s shoulder.

"I'm up, I'm up!" Eddie sat up quickly. "Oh, too fast! Sleepy. . ."

He pressed his cheek against Steve’s chest and closed his eyes again. His snores filled the room.

"I guess we'll take him back to my place," Steve said and picked him up.

Robin pulled out a tissue and wiped Eddie's nose.

"Hey, Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Your tits are still out, you slut."

"Right. Thanks, Robin."

When Eddie woke up, he found himself in a very ugly room. Plaid walls, plaid curtains, plaid sheets. . .Eddie screamed. He screamed louder at the single car poster hanging on the wall. . .it was all so sad. Steve burst into the room, wielding a bat with nails.

"Steve, where the hell am I?" Eddie asked.

"My house and my room," Steve said.

"Oh my God, this is your room? This is hell, Steve," Eddie said in horror.

"Well, my parents like everything neat," Steve said.

"You mean, your kidnappers," Eddie corrected.

"Right," Steve frowned. "Come on, let's get something in you."

"Hell yeah!" Eddie exclaimed and started unbuttoning his pants.

"What are you doing? I was talking about food. There's pizza downstairs," Steve said.

"Yeah, that's what I was talking about," Eddie said quickly. "I was just unbuttoning them to make room for the pizza."

"Right," Steve smirked. "As much as I would love to do that with you, some secrets should remain secret. I do not want the kids to know that I'm a screamer. Let's go, sweet cheeks."

Steve slapped his ass and Eddie cursed.

"I hate you!"

"No, you don't!"

Dustin immediately threw his arms around Eddie the minute he walked into the kitchen. Steve smiled softly at the sight of them and ruffled his hair.

"You scared the shit out of us, man," Dustin said. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just needed some rest," Eddie grinned. "What time is it?"

"Almost midnight. Are you going to do the location spell again?" Mike asked.

"He just woke up, Mike. Let's get some food in him first," Steve sighed.

"After I eat," Eddie said, snapping his fingers at him.

Sitting down to eat, Eddie spent the majority of the meal laughing with the kids and playing with what he thought was Steve’s leg under the table. It had been Robin's.

"You could have told me!" Eddie hissed.

"Then it wouldn't have been funny," Robin replied.

They gathered in the living room and pushed the furniture out of the way to create the circle. Eddie knelt in front of Steve this time, the book floating beside them, and the piece of paper on the floor.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Steve said.

"I kind of do. . .I judged you harshly before. . .because you're a jock and because of the assholes who's bothered us in the past. I used to think that since you had a big house and a fancy car that you had it easy. I used to mock you mercilessly in Hellfire, and that wasn't right of me to do that," Eddie said. "Not all jocks are bad."

"Well, no one is perfect," Steve said. "This is a lot even for all of that. Thank you, you're a good man."

"I mean, so are you," Eddie said, blushing. "I'm still an asshole though."

"Yeah, that's true," Steve said with a grin.

Steve cupped the back of his neck and pulled him for a kiss. It was short and sweet. When Steve pulled away, Eddie let out a soft giggle.

"I am loving this," Dustin grinned and then frowned. "But also, gross."

"Yeah, kids never like it when their parents kiss," Robin said, and Dustin sighed loudly.

Grinning, Eddie performed the spells without any problems. Words appeared on the paper. One of them was an address in Indianapolis, and one of them was a plot number for the cemetery in Hawkins.

"Well, shit, I guess one of my parents is dead," Steve frowned.

"Sorry, Steve," Dustin said quietly.

"We don't have to do it tonight, but we can check out the cemetery whenever you want to," Robin said.

"I'm curious now, and at least, I'll get one answer tonight," Steve said. "Although, going at night seems like a bad idea."

"Don't be a chicken shit, Steve, let's do it," Dustin grinned.

So, now, here they were. . .at night. . .in a fucking graveyard. They had flashlights, and Steve made sure to bring his trusty bat. Meanwhile, Robin made sure to bring a thermos full of hot cocoa that she was currently sharing with the boys in front of them. Eddie was walking beside Steve, swinging his arms and letting his hand brush up against Steve’s.

"So, was that kiss just a one-time thing, or are you planning on doing it again?" Eddie asked.

"I definitely want to do it again. . . Would that be okay?" Steve asked.

"Definitely," Eddie grinned and then paused. "You said back in the drama room that you'd always be in love with Nancy Wheeler."

"Well, yeah, a part of me, anyways. There's just so much history there, and she's just so. . . Nancy. She's beautiful, and she cares so much about people. She's willing to put it all on the line for her friends and for her family. She's the bravest person that I have ever met. I don't regret falling in love with her. . . But I regret that I didn't get to know her best friend and I wish I could have been there for her when she needed me the most. I know what happened to Barb wasn't our fault, but I still can't help feeling guilty. I think there's always going to be that connection between us," Steve said.

"I know that Barb died, and she was Wheeler's best friend, but isn't it that Brenner's guys fault? The one Dustin told me about?" Eddie asked. "Why would you feel guilty?"

"Well, it was the first time that Nancy and I had sex together. While that was going on in my house, Barb was being dragged into the Upside Down and . . . Well, you know. . ." Steve said.

"Holy fucking shit. . .yeah, I could see how that could mess you both up," Eddie said.

"Yeah. . .it's pathetic, I know. . ." Steve said.

"No, man, it's not. You're not pining after her, you love her, and you accept the fact that you're not going to be together. I can see why either of you would want to hold onto the good parts of your relationship. You all have been through so much shit and if you guys can come through it all while still having love in your hearts. . . It's amazing," Eddie said.

"Yeah," Steve smiled and paused. "Have you ever been in love?"

"I've come close. I think at the time, we both had stars in our eyes, and all we saw when we looked at each other were plane tickets out of town. In the end, I couldn't leave town, but she could have, and after everything she did for me, I couldn't go with her. I wish I had done it better, but yeah, I pushed her away so she wouldn't come back," Eddie said.

"Damn, you white fanged her?" Steve asked.

"I mean, I guess you could call it that," Eddie said. "You know White Fang?"

"Yeah, it's not my favorite," he said and paused. "I wish things had gone better with. . ."

"Paige," Eddie said.

"Paige," Steve said.

"I wish things had gone better with Nancy," Eddie replied.

"Yeah," he said softly.

"You like women, too?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "It took me a while to realize that I liked men at all or that I was even flirting with them. According to my best friend, Ronnie, it's not exactly very straight of me to go on rants about jocks' sweaty muscles."

"Was I in one of those rants?" Steve asked as he stopped and turned to Eddie.

He pulled Eddie into his arms, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"You were very prominent," Eddie said bashfully.

"Maybe you didn't hate me at all," Steve said, his eyes twinkling. "Maybe you just had a type."

Eddie kissed him, and Steve smiled against his lips. Eddie wrapped his arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss, moaning into his mouth.

"REALLY ROMANTIC, STEVE, MAKING OUT IN A GRAVEYARD!" Dustin yelled. "YOU'RE KISSING OVER DEAD PEOPLE!"

Eddie growled as he broke the kiss and Steve bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"NO ONE IS SUPPOSE TO KNOW WE'RE HERE BUT IF YOU KEEP YELLING LIKE THAT THEY'RE GOING TO. . .BUTTHEAD!" Eddie yelled back at him.

"FOUND IT!" Lucas yelled.

"I don't think they understand the word subtle," Steve sighed. "Although, neither do you, so they're definitely yours."

"Were there doubts?" Eddie asked with a dramatic gasp.

Steve smiled softly at him, grabbed his hand, and laced their fingers together before pulling him in the direction of the kids. When they got to them, Robin and the kids were whispering together.

"There's no fucking way!" Mike exclaimed. "He never had kids!"

"That you know of. I imagine that it was probably painful to talk about your son getting kidnapped and being unable to find him in your own hometown," Dustin said.

"What? What is it?" Steve asked.

"Are we even sure it's the right plot?" Mike asked.

"Yes!" Dustin and Lucas exclaimed.

Steve moved towards the gravestone and shined his flashlight on it.

BOB NEWBY

SUPERHERO

[steleir]

ꔫ MY LOVE, IS MINE ALL MINE ଓ. itoshi rin never loved anyone ever since what his brother did, always guarding his fragile heart with an iron fist, until you come along and ruin everything.

ׅ 𓈒 ⁺ ꔫ 0.8k wc ଓ : fem! reader x itoshi rin, fluff, friends to lovers, mentions of fights, injuries, not proofread, lemme know if i missed any.

when it came to love, rin was fundamentally a fool. on top of that, he was a coward. love wasn't his passion, nor was it on his bucket list. at least, not since what happened with his brother, love was never an option. love and get your heart broken again; don't love and stay the same. rin and referred to the latter always.

it was a sort of unspoken rule to himself, that he wouldn't love. maybe once he beats his brother, or maybe not. he honestly didn't care, nor did he think about it much, until his mother would bug him about it.

but then you came along, as though the devil, and you absolutely ruined it all.

yet no matter how he likes to think of you, there was no denying that he was in love, infatuated even. you we’re all he needed. but how could he possibly admit that?

part of him hates you for that—how you just barged through the gates that guarded his fragile heart, which was still trying to fix itself no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he was okay now. that he fixed himself.

“you’re an idiot, you know that, itoshi rin?” you asked as you disinfected his injury, making him hiss and the feeling. he simply looked at you blankly, like he always did when both managed to end up in your bathroom with you bandaging him up after his nth fight of the week. “it’s worse this time.” you stated, looking at him with teary eyes. “rin, you're going to get yourself seriously hurt,” you said as he brought up his thumb to wipe away the tear that slowly fell down your face. “i promise i won't get into another one,” he mumbled, an obvious lie, one you could see right through, but he needed to say something.

“you said that last time, asshole.” you grumbled while rolling your eyes. he hated when you did that; he hated when you were mad at him; he didn’t know why exactly, but he hated it. it made his heart throb. you looked pretty with your teary eyes and the bright pink tint that covered your cheeks and nose, but he still hated it.

“right,” you said, getting back on your feet and wiping away the remaining tears. “i’m done. you can leave now and get into another fight i don’t care.” you shrugged and walked out of your bathroom, leaving it messy with the bandages and cotton lying on the floor and some scattered on the toilet where rin had sat.

“i don’t want to; i want to stay here for a bit,” he said, and you turned slightly. “i said i don’t care.” you repeated your past words, and the tall boy walked towards you, easily towering over you. “why are you so mad?” he raised his brow, holding your wrist tightly. “because i care about you, rin. i don’t know if

one day you're going to show up to my house with a broken limb and bleeding everywhere because you're so easily provoked by people!” you yelled, your eyes quickly tearing up again. “and i don’t like that thought; i don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“sorry,” he mumbled, averting his eyes from yours.

in that moment, he felt like he could just pull you into a kiss for eternity. no one’s ever cared for him like this. you took a deep breath, staring into his intimidating eyes, waiting for a thought on what to do next to pop up. rin hesitated as he opened his mouth to speak, this was probably the worst time to confess, right? definitely. but this is itoshi rin we’re talking about here, he doesn’t exactly care. he held your other wrist as he looked you in the eyes, hoping you’d get the sign, waiting for a sort of green light.

you nodded slowly, and his lips quickly smashed against your own. time seemed to stop in the moment, it was just you and him, like it has been for the past few years. his mouth moved quickly and sloppily against yours, was getting greedy. his hands held your waist softly, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer than was even possible.

your lips are so soft; you know how long i’ve been waiting for this?

slowly he pulled away and straightened his back, completely quiet. he looked at you shyly. “i love you.” he murmured as low as a whisper, but you still managed to hear. before he knew it he was trapped in a hug “for the longest time.”

you didn’t say anything, only hugging him and letting some tears race down your cheeks.

you two stayed like that for a while, complete silence; you had all the time in the world.

[11rosebunny]

Their favourite body part (BOFURIN + SHISHITOREN)

Haruka Sakura

With how cautious he is around practically everyone, he doesn't really think about specific body parts he is attracted to. He has never been close to anyone as an adolescent, never used his phone for any social media platforms, and he sure as hell has never found someone he's liked in his life till he met you.

It took him awhile to even think that it was okay to physically be attracted to someone rather than their personality when his group of friends were talking about it on a random day. He didn't exactly say anything in that moment but when he heard the other guys talking about what they liked on a girl, he starting wondering what he even liked.

If he's being real, he never really pinpointed any body parts that he really liked, aside from your height but that is purely because he wants to make sure he's at least just a little bit taller than you.

No matter the way you looked, he still couldn't find a specific part on your body. He never really thought much into your looks, not to say he didn't find you pretty but he didn't come to a point where a singular look drove him insane. Insane?

Now he remembers. It's your eyes.

His mind came to halt when he started to vision the way your eyes would trail all over his face made him feel all jittery just by thinking about it. As much as he acts like he hates it whenever you stare at him, yelling out profanities and asking if there's something on his face in a panic, that day, he came to a conclusion that he likes your eyes the best.

Hajime Umemiya

Your waist.

He's not sure how he's even come to like this interest on your body, but here he is!

In his point of view, he thinks the reason why he likes your waist so much stems from the way he would protect. It's not like he's protecting your waist from God knows what, but it's more of a social cue of his to grasp you by your torso in the most nicest way possible to drag you away from anything he believes to be dangerous. But, at the same time, he can't deny he digs the way you feel in his hands, sometimes he may even give your waist a little squeeze, making you jump and ask what his problem is.

It's more of a sensory touch he likes more than the way it looks.

Toma Hiragi

Generally speaking, Hiragi isn't much of a person to focus on looks, aside from liking accessories, mainly glasses. Other than his belief that bad boys belong with good girls (wow what an opinion of his), he oddly likes it if you have an overly sensitive neck. It doesn't click to him for a while that it's his favourite part of your body till he blew cold breaths on the back of your neck and watched you quickly stumble from the ticklish feeling.

After seeing you jump nervously and gasp, he is immediately intrigued in the way you reacted and wanted to see more of it.

Ren Kaji

Even after having a wonky relationship with him, he can't deny he doesn't at least find you a little attractive, but he must keep up his reputation with you. He can't exactly eye you up and down otherwise you'd catch him in an instant, on the down side he can't even look at you without it seeming like he's picking for a fight.

So when you two are talking (arguing), something he notices on your face that he may have a small interest is, are your eyelashes. He's not very fond of those fake eyelashes but if you so happen to use mascara on one of those days, he finds it annoyingly pretty the way you bat your eyelashes at him, roll them ever so slowly and blink away. It's even worse if you look at him beneath your lashes, he may just crumble right then and there and grab you by the face to squish your cheeks because of the way you made him feel.

Taiga Tsugeura

Tsugeura has a very odd habit when talking to people. Whenever he's speaking to nearly anyone, his eye contact is off the roof in a good way. He always makes sure to look at the person he's talking to, to make them feel engaged and know that he's indeed listening, his odd habit of his only began to form when he started to talk to you.

That's when he found himself looking at your lips rather than your eyes. The first few times it was because of how much you squabbled around him, he had a hard time keeping up with the way you brought up 4 different topics in one conversation, so he began to focus on the movement of your lips whenever you spoke. But even so, it came to a point where he just began to stare at them by accident, even when your finished speaking.

Sometimes he forgets he's staring there and slowly lifts his eyes back up to your eyes. You had noticed him doing that once and caught him in the middle of it. He was wondering why you went quiet all of a sudden.

Mitsuki Kiryu

His favourite body part pretty much equals to his type of girls due to how oddly specific his favourite body part is.

Surprise surprise, it's your nose.

Typically speaking, he is more into longer noses rather than those button, or hooks noses, not to say anything bad about them, he finds them unique and interesting, but his number one all time favourite are long noses. He used to have an idol crush which he preferably chooses not to distinguish who it is... but because of where it stemmed from, he absolutely digs the shape of your nose. He likes flicking it or lightly tapping it with the tip of his finger.

Hayato Suo

He's not exactly sure why he's come to find this feature of yours the most attractive but he often finds himself staring at your hair. He's not even sure if that even counts as a body part.

He's not so hardcore when searching for something on to critique you on the way you look, generally speaking he thinks it comes from your early childhood days when you'd be so fussy whenever your Mom did your hair in braids and you would take them out the second you got into school.

He always used to laugh watching you struggle to get your hair undone, the way your hair flows in the air and during free time when you'd drag him to random places in the playground, your hair would always run wild against the wind. He's grown accustomed of watching you from behind, and whenever he was, he'd always look at your hair.

Jo Togame

This kind, respectable man loves your hips.

What a gentleman.

Jokes aside, he is still attracted to your face and the way you portray yourself through your personality, but he can not hide the fact that he more than enjoys it whenever he gets to touch your hips. It could be resting his hands against your skin in the area, moving you from side to side, or simply just touching it for no apparent reason.

Tomiyama Choji

He's not much of a person to go for any curves, he's more into the petite and shorter girls, because of that, he oddly really likes your collarbone or neck, leaning more towards your collarbone.

He's not a fan of a snatched waist, dewy hips, and a large chest, what he does like is a simple, smooth collarbone where he could see your bone stick out. He is aware it's a bit off putting for anyone, but to him he finds it extremely attractive, running his hands against the smooth skin and might even want to plaster kisses on to it, who knows!

[ot9snumber1]

rabbit hole

sana minatozaki x reader

summary: sana dislikes—no, hates your idea of love.

warnings: suggestive, angst, fluff, roommate!sana, emetophobia very briefly mentioned, reader is an idiot

notes: inspired by 'rabbit hole' - deco*27! i've been getting into vocaloid recently 🤓

also i wrote this overnight? i've never written so fast before im scared dove what did u do to me (lovingly) (but seriously im finally free from writers block hooray!) (also this means its not proofread sorry)

wc: 4.1k

—

the loud slam of the door jolts sana awake, nearly falling off the couch as she sat up. her heart sinks, thinking that someone had broken in—but when you emerge from the dark hallway, she sighs out of relief.

sana checks the clock, 1:30 am. "you're home late. again." she mumbles, standing up and keeping the blanket wrapped around herself as she stopped you from going up the stairs. you groan, just wanting to take your clothes off and sleep.

"are you drunk?"

"no."

sana doesn't believe you. she steps closer, leaning in to smell your breath. you ignore the way your heart skipped a beat at that. instead of smelling liquor, her nose scrunches at the scent of perfume. it wasn't yours, nor hers, nor from the girl you slept with two days ago.

somehow, that made her feel worse than if you had actually been drunk.

"who was it this time?" she asks, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the kitchen. sana hates that you struggled to keep up with her. "doesn't matter, i've done better."

she cringes at your words. "you can't just say that." sana mumbles frustratedly, letting go of you to get you a glass of water. her blanket falls by your feet. "what? that i've done better? because i have! this girl was, like,—"

"no! that it doesn't matter!" she whisper–yells, not wanting to wake any nosy neighbors up. sana forces you to hold the glass of water before picking the blanket up off the ground. "you don't even know her name, do you?"

you bite your lip, desperately trying to remember who you were begging to earlier. "uh.."

"you're–so—" sana looks like she wants to kill you. understandably so, but you think she's just being weirdly overprotective. she sighs, shaking her head. "i'm going to bed." is all she mumbles before pushing past you.

you watch as she disappears into your apartment. shrugging, you lean against the doorway and drink your water.

"what's her problem?"

—

"i don't know! i have to snap her out of this or something. it's getting worse every night!" she was watching you from the corner of her eye. it wasn't like she didn't trust nayeon or the people she invited over, she just didn't trust what you'd do in a room full of strangers.

(a room full of nayeon's really attractive friends is how she'd describe it.)

momo puts a hand on sana's arm, her other hand taking her cup. she frowned, worried for her best friend as she grew antsy just talking about you.

"okay, first of all, that's enough drinking for you." momo mumbled, downing the rest of sana's drink despite the angry pout on her face. "second, you need to tell her that this shit's unhealthy."

"i've tried!"

"angrily taking care of her when she comes home isn't confronting her."

sana's pout gets deeper. she hadn't even said anything that would make momo think that... but she knew she couldn't argue with her. that did happen to be what she was doing after all.

"either way, she's either drunk out of her mind or smelling too much like someone else for me to even think of telling her to stop." sana sounds hopeless at this point, leaning against a wall and throwing her head back against it. "i don't think that second thing should stop you from confronting them...?" momo's eyebrows furrow, trying to make sense of what sana was saying.

she gasps, "unless—you're jealous?"

sana freezes, attention going to momo. "no? no! that's—i'm not like that—i care about them—" she stammers, trying to deflect what momo just said until her eyes land on you. you were across the room, rolling your eyes at something chaeyoung said.

she looks back at momo, then you, then momo. "maybe i am? that's not the main point, though! what she's doing is totally unhealthy!" sana spews out, her words almost faster than momo could comprehend. (she had years of experience in sana-speak, though. sana could make unintelligible noises and she'd still understand what she was saying.)

"calm down, sha. i'm not saying you're only doing this because you're jealous." momo reassures, but sana could tell she was biting back a laugh. "i'm just saying that it's bugging you more because you care so much about her as a friend and because you've had feelings for her since she moved in."

sana sighs. "you're right. sorry for getting defensive."

momo shrugs, giving her a reassuring smile. "don't apologize. i'll get us some more drinks."

sana watches as momo walks away, trying to shrink into the wall while she was alone. she liked meeting new people but not when she felt unease build up in her stomach.

she should just talk to you, she thinks. if she can hear that you're doing fine right now then her nerves will be completely gone for the rest of the—

"who is that?" sana asks, entire body tensing up when momo comes back with two cups in hand. momo looks to where sana was glaring at and winces.

you were talking to one of nayeon's friend's friend's friend. she was a bit all up in your face for someone you just met.

"chaewon i think was her name? she came here with sakura. sakura's mina's friend and—" momo purses her lips when sana storms her way over to you. she sighs, looking down at the cups she was holding. "more for me."

—

"i can't." you whine as chaewon wrapped her arms around your neck, bringing you even closer. she laughs, throwing her head back. you stare at her neck and lick your lips, wondering how good she'd look when you leave your mark on her. "my roomie's driving me home." you pout, "she doesn't like when i bring girls over."

"tell her you're going home with me, then." she shrugs, retracting an arm to take a sip of her drink. "kkura can catch a ride with someone else, she'll understand." chaewon's offer sounds way too good to turn down, especially when she props the cup against your lips for you to drink.

you accept, eyes locking with hers as you accept the alcohol happily. "how's that sound?"

"perf—"

"excuse me." someone interjects, using all of her strength to separate you and chaewon. you groan, about to shove the intruder away until you realize it was sana. that makes you groan again. "sorry, i have to take this one home." sana says, an arm wrapping around your waist as she stared chaewon down

your eyebrows furrow. "what? no you don't!" you hiss, trying to push sana away from you. she just tightens her grip around you. "i'm going with chaewon."

"no you're not." sana replies through gritted teeth. "sorry about her," she smiles, false sweetness all over her demeanor. "she's like this all the time. she's not what you're looking for."

sana practically drags you away from chaewon and out of the apartment. on your way out, she mouths a 'gotta go!' to nayeon, who takes one look at you and nods understandingly.

needless to say, you're pissed.

you were about to have the night of your life! the best sex you'd had in.. well, a few weeks, you think. your last handful of partners were nothing but time killers. ugh, that made it even worse. why was sana so mad about your sex life anyway?!

you were sulking the entire ride, arms crossed and refusing to even have her in your peripheral vision. sana notices and it drives her crazy.

she quickly pulls over, driving you equally crazy. the tension in that car was thick.

"what is with you?!" sana nearly shrieks, turning to face you. you gasp, finally looking at her. "what is with me? i'm not the one unnecessarily inserting myself in my roommate's sex life!"

"what the fuck are you talking about? i'm trying to protect you!"

"from what, sana? hot girls?"

sana let out a big exhale. you were being so frustrating—more so than usual. if it weren't for the seatbelts and the fact you both care about each other, you probably would've been at each other's throats by now.

"from doing whatever this is!" her words are accompanied by gesturing to you with both of her hands. you still didn't get it. "don't you realize how unhealthy this is?"

you blink, tilting your head in confusion. "unhealthy would be the last word i'd use to describe love, sana."

her eyes widen. "love—?" she leans back in her seat, exasperated. "you've gotta be fucking kidding." sana mumbles, her hands finding their way to the steering wheel. her knuckles go white at how tight she was holding on.

"what?" you were genuinely puzzled at her reaction. "aren't you like, the number one advocate for loving in your own way?"

"this is not love!" her eyes are back on you. you frown, she was genuinely intimidating now. "you are hurting yourself! you're letting these people take advantage of you... i don't know! you wanting to be held?"

you scoff, rolling your eyes and leaning back. "you don't get it. it's not my fault miyeon broke up with your sorry ass." the words leave your mouth before you could even process that you had the guts to think about sana like that. "wait, no—i'm sorry—"

"fuck off." sana mumbles, shifting the car back into drive.

you stay put the rest of the ride, feeling a pit grow deep inside your stomach.

—

sana wasn't home the next morning. you weren't sure if she had plans or work—she'd always tell you beforehand. it made you feel even worse, it took a miracle to get through breakfast without throwing up. the same went for the rest of the day.

by the time the sun set, you were shaking from nerves. you didn't want to face sana when she came home. you didn't want to keep thinking about her and what she said and what you said and what you've been doing.

instead, you get the brilliant idea to respond to your ex's text that you'd left on delivered for three hours.

y/n: pick me up in 10

do not reply: knew you'd come around ;)

you throw up in the toilet before you leave.

—

you don't even make it out of the parking lot of your apartment.

lisa's parked in the furthest corner, too dark for anyone to see inside and too far for anyone to hear how you were panting against her.

you were wedged between lisa and the back of the passenger seat. she pushed her thigh further against your throbbing pussy, biting your lip with a smile. "fuck, couldn't wait to see me, huh?" she hums as she watches you grind down on her thigh desperately.

"you've been thinking about me, haven't you? dressed up so slutty.. you wanted me to fuck you in here, no?" lisa's voice grows raspy as she toyed with the fishnets on your legs.

her words fall on deaf ears. your body was enjoying this, but your mind was far away from the woman sucking on your collarbone. you're not even sure why you chose this stupid bunny outfit sana bought you for april fools.

there it is again, you were thinking about sana. sana sana sana sana. no matter what you did, she was clouding your mind!

"turn around baby, i wanna see what set you're wearing for me." lisa whispers and you obey absentmindedly, still thinking about what sana said to you while she undid the ties holding your corset together.

then it hits you.

sana likes you.

she's jealous that you're sleeping with everyone but her!

you gasp, making lisa peek from behind you. "what's wrong, baby?"

you swat her hands away from your back, turning around. "oh my god. sana's in love with me."

"your roommate?"

you nod. lisa frowns, "what does that—"

"i'm so sorry, i have to go!" you mutter, clumsily opening the door and climbing out of it. lisa's calling after you, frustrated and confused to the max as you ran back to your apartment.

the slamming of the front door makes sana flinch, immediately muting the show she was watching. her head whips to you clumsily running into the living room, kicking your heels off as soon as you saw her.

sana's eyes widen and she's furious again—"what the hell are you wearing?" she stands up, but gets pushed down by you once you make it in front of her. she hates that you look good in that stupid outfit she bought and hates that she can tell your corset was halfway undone.

"doesn't matter—i get what you were trying to tell me yesterday."

"you do?"

sana looks hopeful as you sit next to her, that sweet smile you adored gracing her face.

"yes!" you grin. the way she was smiling at you made you feel like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. "and i'm really sorry for what i said yesterday, that was really shitty of me."

sana shakes her head, "it's okay. you were mad, so was i. i think i could've been nicer but—if it helped you realize it in the end, i guess it's all in the past."

you nod eagerly, barely able to contain your excitement as you lunge forward and kiss her. you sigh, it felt so good to love h—

sana pulls away, hand on your chest to keep you at a distance. "what the fuck?"

your heart sinks. "what? don't you—i thought you liked me?"

sana blinks, looking as shocked as she did yesterday. "of all the things i yelled at you about, that's what you got out of it?"

"isn't that what you were trying to tell me?"

"no, oh my god!"

sana was pacing in front of you now while you were sat and looking up at her like a dumb bunny. (you kind of were one, anyway.)

"i don't want to yell at you again, i'm going to bed."

you watch her leave, snapping out of a trance when she slams the door.

you look back to the tv to see what sana was watching.

the bachelorette, greaaaat. you roll your eyes and change the channel. seeing someone else's messy love life didn't really make you feel better about yours.

huffing, you take your bunny headband off and stare at it down on your lap. what was so hard for you to understand?

—

you were laying face down on nayeon's couch a week later. you'd been ignoring sana, feeling guilty every time you even thought of her. it didn't exactly help that she kept checking up on you anyway.

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: u ok?

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: i won't be home tonight, staying at momo's

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: lmk if u need anything

"sana texted again." nayeon hums as she sees your phone light up beside her. you'd tossed it out of frustration onto the floor half an hour ago. nayeon was on the floor so she could comb through your hair with a comb she accidentally bought. it was one of those metal tooth ones meant to capture lice.

"you really need to talk to her, y/n."

"i knooooow!" you whine. nayeon was inspecting your hair really well, surprisingly. not that you actually had lice, she was just bored and you were miserable. at least it was relaxing?

"i don't know what to say, though! i've been a complete idiot! what if she hates me?"

"she's been sending you texts every day since you started leeching off me."

you groan. why must sana be the sweetest person ever?

"i'm not leeching off you."

"then go home tonight."

you groan again.

nayeon sits back, putting the comb away and letting you lift your head to face her. "if you're so convinced that she's either jealous or trying to control what you do, why do you care? it's not like you to be this affected by what anyone says."

you shrug, turning around to lay on your back. "i'm trying to figure that out. i'd say it's because she's my roommate but that never stopped me from going behind her back in the past."

"and it's not like i'd give a shit if anyone else told me to fuck off. or push me away if i tried to kiss them."

nayeon raises an eyebrow, "so sana's special?"

"i guess."

she grins. it was nothing she didn't know, she just wanted to hear it from you. "hope you know you've been in love with her for a while now."

you sit up, looking at her like she was crazy. "nayeon. when i say you're crazy i really mean it."

she shakes her head. "no! i'm being serious! think about it, why were you so eager to leave lisa when you thought sana liked you?"

you purse your lips, genuinely thinking about what nayeon was saying.

"and this entire thing of yours started when sana went on a trip abroad with momo! you didn't have access to the most affectionate person in your life for two weeks and you kept whining about how they kept posting each other like they were dating!"

nayeon gets up and sits beside you, rubbing your arm gently. "i didn't say anything at first because god knows you would've told me to fuck off."

"oh, and didn't one of the girls you hooked up with warn you about how bad this was too? what was her name... jihyo? and you wouldn't even listen to her."

"i think i get it, nayeon."

"shhh, no, let me have this. sana's the only person you ever listened to, or at the very least considered changing yourself for. love isn't whatever the hell you're doing to replace the lack of affection in your life—"

"ouch." you grumble, but nayeon just tells you to take it. you do, she was right anyway. "love is how you're acting about sana."

you cringe. "that was the cheesiest thing you could have ever said to me." you mumble as you hug her. "but you're right, i think. thank you."

—

you don't slam the door closed this time, not wanting to give sana a heart attack with how many times you'd done it before.

as you approach her, you take note of the fact she was watching the bachelorette again. maybe the fake messiness of it all was comforting to her.

"sana?" you whisper, taking a seat beside her. she blinks, surprised to see you home at all. apologies die down in your throat. she looked so gentle.

"i thought you were at momo's?"

"nayeon texted me saying that you might need someone to come home to."

you smile, unable to look her in the eyes anymore. "i'm sorry, sana. for everything. i've been really stupid for the past few months."

"more than stupid, but go on."

you chuckle lightly, your body feeling lighter after realizing she really didn't resent you. "i was too stubborn to listen to anyone about it. except you, evidently. you're... really special to me."

"and i'm sorry for kissing you the other night! god, i was really dumb and just jumped at the chance that you might love me too because i really didn't want to consider that you were right about me hurting myself." sana listened intently as you rambled out your apologies. you were really making sure that you apologized for anything and everything—so much had happened and you hated that sana got caught up in it.

"and i shouldn't have talked about your relationship with miyeon like that. i know how hard it was for you and i was just deflecting and being an ass. sorry."

your eyes meet hers again, sad and brimming with tears. you hold in your breath until she crawls over and hugs you tightly. you hug her back just as tight, crying into her cream colored sweater.

"thank you," sana whispers. "i'm glad you've finally come to your senses. i forgive you." you let out the biggest sigh of relief as she rubs your back comfortingly.

"and i think i'm in love with you."

"i know."

you're suddenly pulled into her lap. sana peels your body off of her so she could wipe your tears away and hold your face. "i.. i love you too, but let me think about it first? this whole situation was so..."

"messy?"

"that's not how i'd describe it, but i guess, yeah, it was messy."

you nod, "it's okay, i understand."

the bachelorette was still playing in the background, filling in the silence between you and sana.

"can i watch with you?"

sana nods, letting you snuggle up beside her. it takes a minute for the two of you to adjust, but as soon as you do, she's talking your ear off about what you need to know about the contestants.

you listen, paying more attention to her expressions than what she's saying.

it felt good to have this again.

—

it's been two months since you confessed your love to sana.

you never bugged her about it, but she remembered to tell you that she was still thinking about it every now and then. you didn't really mind, anyway, the two of you were back to being attached at the hip and that was more than enough for you.

"have you seen sana?"

you were back at nayeon's place, celebrating her girlfriend's birthday. nayeon looks around, lips pursed. "over there!" she yells because the two of you were standing right by the big speaker chaeyoung brought. "thanks!" you yell back before making your way across the room to sana.

you weave through the crowd, nearly tripping over yourself three times before you finally land in front of sana...

who was talking to someone else.

you try not to be jealous, but it was incredibly hard when the girl she was talking to was visibly falling for her!

you didn't want to look overly possessive, especially because the two of you weren't officially dating. you start walking away, but sana catches you in the corner of her eye.

"y/n!" she calls out, her voice as bubbly as ever. you freeze for a moment but turn back to her and walk over with a tight smile. "hi, sana. hi.." you turn to the girl she was talking to, observing her.

"soyeon."

you give her a polite smile before turning back to your roommate. "did you need anything?" she asks, noticing that you've been trying to talk to her the entire time you've been here. "no... just... wanted to see you...?"

they both stare at you for a bit, soyeon extremely confused while sana blushes and giggles. you want the ground to swallow you whole—what kind of an excuse was that?!

"you're adorable, you know?"

you laugh awkwardly and decide to walk away after that. you didn't know how to act knowing other people were interested in your sana.

unluckily for you, she was being talked to all night long. one person after the other, always being stopped when you could see she was trying to make her way to you.

it pissed you off.

you weren't sure what else to do, though, so you just sat on nayeon's couch and sulked for the rest of the night.

—

sana was humming along to the song playing in the car, making sure to take the long route back home.

"can't last a night without being my center of attention, huh?" she teases, looking over to you while stopped at a red light. you blush, thankful for the red light. (sana's smile made you realize she knew you were blushing anyway.)

"you make me sound terrible." you huff, lips forming a pout. sana chuckles, "i think it's cute."

"wanna go out tomorrow?" she asks, humming as her eyes focus back to the road. you turn to look at her, partly confused and partly because you just wanted to stare at her pretty face. "are you asking me out?"

"duh."

"but i thought you needed time to think about it...?"

"if you don't want to go out with me, i have soyeon's number, just so you know."

you whine, hitting her arm lightly. "kidding, kidding." she laughs. "it's been two months, n/n. i'm sure i've had a thought since then."

you roll your eyes, you hated how much she loved to mess with you sometimes. "yeah, whatever. i expect to be pampered and be the center of your attention tomorrow." you tease, relaxing back into your seat.

"of course, your majesty."

she stops at another red light, quickly leaning over to kiss you. "only if you do the same for me on the next date, deal?"

you stare at her, completely flustered while she tucks your hair behind your ear. she's so irritating, you love her so bad.

you kiss her again, "deal."

[rebelliousstories]

Rock A Bye Baby

Relationship: Cooper “The Ghoul” Howard x Reader

Fandom: Fallout

Request: Yes by Anon

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Infirtility, Violence, Strong Language

Word Count: 1,937

Main Masterlist: Here

Fallout Masterlist: Here

Summary: Two hundred years seems like a long time, but there is somethings that never change; no matter how much time had passed.

“Janey, we gotta get to school! Come on, little lady.” A woman yelled from downstairs in the kitchen. She plated some fruit on the remainder of the plates before moving them to the dining table. Someone came up behind her and placed their hands on her hips.

“This looks good, sweetheart. And the food isn’t half bad either.” Cooper chuckled and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She giggled and let herself relax into his arms for just a bit.

“Such a flatterer, Coop. Now go get that daughter of yours and bring her in for breakfast. She has a test today.” Sending her lover off, she made her way to the table and finished setting it up just in time for her two favorite people in the world to come down the stairs. Right before she got in her chair, she was tackled by a little bundle of energy.

“Oof, you are getting strong, baby. Come on and eat your breakfast, Janey. Then we can go to school.” She nudged the young girl in the direction of the plate she set aside for her. Watching Janey tuck into her meal, the woman smiled as she did the same. Her husband was sitting next to her and also ate his breakfast with a grin. Once everyone was done, she quickly ran around to tidy up before they grabbed their things.

“Come on, Janey. Let’s get going so daddy can drop us off at school. Okay?” And with that, Cooper was more than happy to be their chauffeur for the morning to take his daughter to learn, and his wife to work. The drive there was a relatively short affair, full of loud singing from the passenger and back seat as the radio was cranked loud. Parking in a spot, Cooper leaned over and kissed his wife goodbye as she took her step-daughter in for her school day.

That was a little over two hundred years ago, and everything changed.

Now, there was no more days at school. No more drives in the countryside or taking Janey to her mother’s house because of the visitation. Now it was navigating a nuclear wasteland for two hundred years.

They had been on the move for a couple days now. Very little was causing them to stop, and that was how they liked it. The couple functioned better on the move. Never allowing themselves to get comfortable in one place for long. But the town they were on their way to was known for big bounties. And they truly needed a bounty to replenish their caps after buying a bunch of RadAway.

“You go inside. I’m gonna stay out here for a moment.” She said, placing a hand on her husband’s shoulder briefly before passing him in favor of seeing what stall were available.

Cooper just nodded and left to collect the job he did not care to much what she was going to while he was inside. She could take care of herself. When he exited the shop, he spotted her at a stall with different types of wears. He distinctly remembered her talking about how she needed a new undershirt and possibly some new boots. It all passed quickly, and there they went off again.

The couple walked all around the area, utilizing Cooper’s tracking skills to the fullest of the extent. If they got this done quickly, that meant more caps. Leaning over to look at something in the dirt, a chain slipped out from her new undershirt. Cooper instantly recognized the ring looped through the metal and unconsciously placed a hand over the matching piece hovering over his chest. Even after all this time,he was glad one thing had remained the same. It was probably what made surviving the Wastelands easier.

“Hey baby! Come here.” The Ghoul walked over to his partner, and looked at where she was pointing. A blood trail. Kneeling, he stuck a finger in before tasting the dark red liquid, and spitting out the sand.

“He’s close. Let’s move.” His voice clipped as he took off to follow the trail. Ever the faithful wife, she followed close behind. By the time the sun had set, they still had more trail to track, but no light to do it by. So the couple found themselves stationed in the middle of a junkyard with a roaring fire. She rested her head on his chest and felt his arms around her shoulders, drawing her in closer.

“Wait, do you hear that?” She peaked her head up, and waited to see if she could hear it again. Cooper went to say something but she just shushed him. She heard it again; this time louder.

“What the hell is that?” She got up and followed the sound of the noise before her husband could stop her.

“Damnit woman. Slow down.” He grumbled, following after her with a scowl. She continued to follow the source of the noise, never wavering in her pursuit. It took a couple of turns, and a few trips from the uneven terrain, but she eventually found the source. A moving bundle of blankets were placed on top of a barrel.

“The hell you doin’ woman?” Cooper finally caught up to where his wife had stopped and paused over the same bundle that she was hovered over.

“Oh look at them, Coop.” She cooed, picking up the wiggling bundle. In her arms was a baby.

“I wonder what you are. You can’t be more than a few weeks old.” The baby was tucked securely against her body as she rearranged the blankets to see what the baby was clothed in.

“Oh you’re a baby girl. So cute with those chubby cheeks.” Her finger stroked over her face, and felt her heart swell when the babe wrapped her chunky little hand around it.

“Now, don’t you go gettin’ attached to that thing.” Cooper looked to his wife, and then down at the small human in her arms.

“Coop, she’s so small and defenseless. We can’t just leave her here.” She countered, already moving to leave the area where the child was abandoned.

“No. No, no, no. Now what we ain’t gonna do is keep the damn thing.” He followed her through the path all the while her arms were occupied.

“Oh relax, beau. I ain’t leaving her.” Making their way back to their little campsite, she sat down a little closer to the fire and held the babe close. She retired the blankets around and tried to find something to give her for her hunger.

“You just gonna get attached to the thing and it’s not gonna survive.” He commented, sitting back down in his seat but not draping his arm over her again. She grabbed her canteen and dribbled a little bit of water to her lips.

“Need to find some formula when we get into town tomorrow.” It was just a little side comment, one that she did not even realize that she had said.

“Already told you, we ain’t keepin’ it.” Cooper grumbled, placing his head over his eyes.

“Coop, she’s just a little girl.” She replied, but her husband did not. Whenever the little girl in her arms slept, she caught a brief moment of shut eye too. The sun came up, and woke her husband who looked well rested.

“Is that thing still here?” He asked, looking over at his wife with a sleeping baby in her arms.

“Yes she is,” a yawn broke up her words. Her eyes were a bit hazy and tired, but she was aware of enough to continue going. Packing up their things, she had to navigate everything with the child in her arms. Her husband was grumbling the entire way about being slowed down, and how he did not want the child to travel with them. But as they continued to follow the trail, the baby stayed quiet, and stayed asleep.

There was something interesting about having the baby with them. Even if he refused to admit it, Cooper found himself extra protective of the child in his wife’s arms. It took him back to when Janey was a baby; how small and defenseless she was. Always relying on her parents for everything. When they found the target, he held a hand up to stop them.

“Stay here.” He whispered, ducking around the corner. Howard saw the trail of blood, but no body was around. It was not until he heard his wife scream, and a thud followed by the sounds of bones breaking. He whipped around to find their target on the ground, and his wife with a baby still in her arms, kicking the man wherever she could. The target’s jaw was definitely broken, and she was trying to at least shatter the knees of the man who kept trying to get up. Unhooking the lasso, Cooper wrangled the large man onto his knees, before turning to the two females next to hm.

“Y’all alright now?” Cooper turned his attention to the babe in her arms, before checking on his wife.

“Yeah. We’re all good, Coop. Let’s go turn that bounty in.” She stated, determined to get back to the town. The man picked up their bounty and began to march them into the town the had received the hit from.

“You know, you checked on her first before checking on me. Never done that before.” She commented, shielding the child from the sun with her cloak. Cooper smirked as he kept his eye on the prisoner in front of them.

“Well, maybe she is alright. Ain’t like she ever done anything that deserves bein’ left in this god forsaken desert. You gotta take care o’ her, but you can keep ‘er.” He drawled, letting his eyes wander to the child before looking at the love in his wife’s eyes.

“Didn’t realize you ghouls could even have children. Who would want to be raised by a couple of mutants?” Their bounty snarled under his breath. Loud enough that she felt self-conscious, and loud enough that Cooper felt rage. In the blink of an eye, he had blown a hole through the man’s shoulder, who dropped to his knees screaming.

“Now,” Cooper caught up to him and tightened the rope around his body, “you ever talk about my wife like that again, I ain’t gonna miss and hit your shoulder.”

He let the man go, dragged him back up to his feet, and made him walk yet again. Cooper fell back where his wife was now suddenly silent.

“Don’t listen to the shit he says darlin’. You’re as fine a momma as I ever did see.” He reassured her with a quick pat to her back.

“What if he’s right, Coop? I mean, maybe two hundred years ago we were good parents. Well, you were. Me… I was never able to be a mom.” She looked to the baby in her arms with a mournful gaze.

“This is your chance to do it again. Just cause it ain’t your by blood don’t mean it ain’t yours.” Once more, Cooper kept his voice down while he reassured his wife. She looked towards him, searching his eyes for any sign of a lie, yet found nothing. Silently, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and continued onward. Cooper knew that their captive was far too focused on his own shoulder and pain to notice their interaction, but watching her with that baby, made him think about if they just had more time all those years ago; could they have found a way to have children?

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Nine (Azriel's Interlude)

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. Mention of trauma/death, Azriel's internal angst (as @mybestfriendmademe once said "an emotionally constipated Illyrain"), ACOTAR series spoilers. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

Pairing: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: Azriel reflects on his thoughts since the moment he heard about you.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

My graphics are my own. If you wish to use them, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Prologue - One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight

Azriel's POV

- Starting Immediately after Amarantha’s Death -

Rhys came back from Under the Mountain after speaking with them mind-to-mind about the events. How he would be home soon. 

He brought someone new that night, someone that spied for Amarantha during those 50 years. Just as Rhys had. To protect his family. He said he was bringing another Shadowsinger. The Inner Circle was shocked, to say the least. Azriel most of all. There hadn’t been a known Shadowsinger for a long time. For two of them to exist at once… and both of them Illyrians. It was unheard of. 

He didn’t believe Rhysand until he saw you that first night. You’d spent all week in your room and Rhys told all of them not to disturb you. Mor wasn’t happy about that. But Azriel felt a tug. He spent the first two nights with his shadows swirling at your door. And then Rhys caught him and he dragged him back to his room, yelling at him to stay away from you until you deemed yourself ready to handle more people. He said you lost your family and you needed space. Not a male brooding in front of your door. 

So Az waited, and he tried to keep calm as he saw you in a navy blue sweater and black pants that first dinner.  He saw the way your shadows swirled around his ankles, how his own darted to your shoulders. More importantly he saw you keep a leash on them, as if you didn’t want them going to him. He wondered if you were afraid of losing them.

And then he went on a mission, Rhys needed information about where the Attor went after Amarantha died. Because it sure wasn’t found anywhere before they destroyed the Mountain. And he needed information about Hybern. So much information and Az had to reestablish his spies. Yes, the shadows told him everything they could, but his spies were the ones that needed to be contacted. That took a month. 

He agreed to train you purely out of selfishness for himself, at first. He wanted to see how another Shadowsinger used their abilities. He was quite good at controlling the shadows to his will. He could do just about anything with them that he wanted to, and he wanted to see if you could do the same. 

But the longer he spent around you, the more he saw how much you needed space. You didn’t need him prying into your life. You didn’t need to relive your trauma. Because that’s the only way a Shadowsinger is born, in darkness and loneliness. His shadows were his comfort. Things that were there for when he was lonely and didn’t have anything, not even light, to keep him company.

He wanted to know if they were the same for you. You were healing from everything that happened. Rhys said you lost your family, it would be as if Rhys had come back to find all of them dead. What hit Az the hardest was that you chose to call the northerners your family after your blood betrayed you. After they tried clipping your wings. It made his blood boil, made him want to go to Valorworth and see how they liked getting their wings shredded to pieces. But instead, he trained you that first day. And knew that if he continued training you, getting to know you, he would only want to be closer to you. There was a tug that pulled him towards you in every room, anytime he was in the House with you. No matter what. 

It didn’t help that you were gorgeous. Your body was just the way he’d prefer it, though if it changed at all, you would still be perfect in his eyes. Your eyes were a striking color he hadn’t quite seen anywhere before. And your voice made him want to drop to his knees and beg. Especially with how timid you were the first few days. You were so small and quiet, but you held this power behind you that you didn’t even know about. But Azriel could sense it.

Something changed after he went on his second mission, leaving Cassian to train you. When he got back and saw how happy you were with Cass, he felt such rage and jealousy boil in him he didn’t know what to do. You were on top of Cassian. Panting with a smile on your face. He couldn’t help but remember how Mor had flirted with Cass before… he was so close to tackling Cassian then and there for even coming close to you like that, but he kept it in. You weren’t his property. Cauldron, he didn’t even know you. Or you him. And he was acting as if he had some claim to you. 

He was scared of his feelings. So he did what he knew best and hid in the shadows. Maybe he was sulking. Maybe he was brooding. But it was better than laying claim on you as if you were his to keep. Better than getting upset with his brother over something that happened 500 years ago. Cassian might have said yes to Mor, but they were young and of course he would. When Mor never reached back out to Az, it was only his shadows that he could find comfort in. And other females for a few nights, maybe a couple weeks, here and there. But nothing substantial. Nothing like what he was feeling for you.

Az didn’t want to lead you down a path that would have you with him, probably miserable. If you hated him, it would be better than nothing. Better than thinking he had a chance with a strong, intelligent, talented, and beautiful female like yourself. It seems his plan had worked, because by the time that night at Rita’s came, he was just about ready to snap someone’s neck for even looking at you. In your low-cut top and tight pants, it was all he could do to not grab you by the waist and take you to the House for himself. And it scared him again. He’s been attracted to plenty of females. But never like he was with you. Never to the point of him having to go train at night, or fly for hours on end just to clear his mind. And he still couldn’t sleep knowing you were in the same house as him. 

Seeing you with Cassian again just confirmed what he already knew. You would much prefer to be with a male like Cass than Az. One that wasn’t so scarred and sunken into his thoughts. You wouldn’t want to be with him. It hadn’t occurred to him that you might be trying to make him jealous because he was ignoring you so much. It never crossed his mind that you might want his attention. After that night, you certainly didn’t. Not with how Azriel treated you the next day. 

Az wasn’t happy to hear Rhys wanted you and Cass at Windhaven. He knew you were to be the emissary, but he didn’t want you to be anywhere near those males. He hated Illyrians enough. If someone touched or spoke to you the wrong way and he found out about it… little would hold him back from burning it all down. 

He knew he should have been focusing on the mission Rhys gave him. But he sent shadows to monitor you at Windhaven. Even had Nuala trail you as you moved about the camp when she could. When he heard about the first meeting, and then of your training of the girls (improperly) on how to use practice weapons… he knew he couldn’t stay away. You were going to get yourself into trouble and Az had to be there to get you out of it. He knew Cassian could handle it. But Azriel hated the thought of an Illyrian male not being able to hold back his anger and taking it out on you because you also couldn’t hold in your anger. 

He also knew that you could handle yourself, especially with how well your training had been going. But he didn’t want to stay away anymore. He didn’t want to ignore you. Even if it meant watching you and Cassian banter and flirt. He could at least watch from a distance. 

Az might have done too good of a job at ignoring you because you were not as happy as you could have been when Cassian said you were to be spending 4 days in the mountains with Azriel. He knew exactly where to take you. And while he knew you would be training with him, he also knew this was the time to talk to you. Get to know you. Maybe figure out why you were so on edge at the Illyrian camps. 

So you set off north, towards where their concealed cabin was. You would spend days flying and hiking there. All part of your training. But by the time you both got there, maybe his resolve to court you would be gone. Or at the very least, maybe he could control it better. Or maybe it would force you to see who he truly was, and that he truly was not worthy of you. Maybe you’d tell him that and he could try to move on. Azriel wasn’t sure what would happen, but he knew that he needed this time with you. To find out what, he wasn’t sure.

A/N: This was a fun chapter for me to write. I know I've given Azriel's POV a little bit before, but when I was writing this I wanted an idea of where his head space was. I needed a reasoning for him being so distant, and the best way for me to do that was to write out his thoughts. Next chapter, we get to see Az and reader in the Illyrain mountains (a little reminiscent of Nessian in ACOSF)!!!

Series Masterlist

Join the taglist here

Tagging (if you are not being tagged properly, please send me a message, I will fix it as soon as I can!):

@cherry-cin @cleverzonkwombatsludge @nickishadow139 @mybestfriendmademe @atomolvnar

@complete-randomness-2 @lilah-asteria @tele86 @mariahoedt @6v6babycheese @secretsthathauntus @krowiathemythologynerd @fightmedraco @he6rtshaker @kayla-rose15 @aelincaddel

@mfri06 @hauntedstudentobservationus @brieflyclassymortal

[boldlyvoid]

Where There is Love, There is Life | Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Clandestine Meetings | for @elriel-month 2024

Summary: Elain finally takes matters into her own hands, tending to her life as carefully as she would her garden.

Warnings: requited love, mutual pining, love confessions, Smut!! Oral (fem receiving), wing play, teasing, multiple orgasms

Word Count: 6.1k | Masterlist

Dinner is weird. 

She sits across from Rhys and bites her tongue. Which isn’t abnormal for her; she’s not talkative around him. They’re friendly, they’re family, but they’re not talkative. Part of her wants to yell at him. The rest of her knows that Feyre will handle it. But the part that wants to yell is bigger. 

So, as Feyre picks up Nyx from his high chair and brings him out of the room to bathe him before bed, Elain takes her chance. 

“I know what you did,” she announces. 

The wraiths, her best friends, hear the seriousness of her tone and leave. Abandoning the dirty dishes for the safety and solitude of the kitchen. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“That night with Azriel, you made him stop,” she explains. You stepped in, you pulled him away from me. You made a decision for me, thinking it would benefit the court without considering my feelings. How many times are you going to do this? To Feyre and her family?” 

He’s shocked. He never expected her to take such a tone with him, to stand up for herself. It’s evident by the way he blinks and pulls back, thinking about what he’s done and realizing how wrong he was. Before he can speak, she continues.

“I do not like Lucien. He is a good male, sure. He’s handsome, whatever? But do I love him? No. Would you force me to marry Lucien to benefit this court? What good does he really bring to you? He’s close to Vassa and Jurian, but do you know who else? Feyre, Nesta and myself. Jurian helped Azriel save me. My father made the deal that broke Vassa away from Koschei. Lucien is just a cog in the machine; he’s there for help, but he is not the reason it works.” 

“I’m—

“And furthermore!” She cuts him off. “did you ever wonder why he spends so much time with Vassa instead of me? Have you ever considered he also doesn’t want this? If he did, he’d be here. You couldn’t stay away from Feyre, and Cassian couldn’t stay away from Nesta. No matter how much she pissed him off, he kept coming back. You fought for love. Lucien and I don’t like each other, the cauldron made a mistake, and I am sick and fucking tired of letting other people, other beings, make decisions for me. I have been controlled, kidnapped and changed all against my will. Do not force me into being unhappy for the rest of my life because it’s convenient to you.” 

Rhys takes a deep breath at the same time that she does. They just stare at each other for a moment. He asks with his eyes if it’s his turn to speak, and she motions with her hand for him to go ahead. 

“I didn’t think. Not about you,” he confirms. “My first fear wasn’t that we’d lose Lucien as emissary. It was that I could lose Azriel if he asked to fight to the death for your hand. Lucien was sleeping upstairs. If I could smell your arousal... if it had gone further and we heard you… gods know how it would’ve ended.” 

“We would’ve gone somewhere else,” she assures. “And I don’t think Lucien would do that. Seeing what his mother went through, the way he aches for standing by while Feyre dealt with Tamlin, he wouldn’t force me into something I don’t want.” 

“Azriel is my brother; I love him more than I can describe, I want him to be happy, yes, but I want him to live more than anything,” Rhys bows his head with a sigh. “How can I make this right?” 

“Turn a blind eye to us for the time being.” 

“Are you together?” 

“I’m meeting him later, hopefully. I need him to know I am in love with him. That I want him. That my choice, the biggest choice I could ever make, is to choose him as my forever. I’ll deal with Lucien later; Feyre and I have a plan for that, which she will fill you in on later tonight. It will be fine. It’s not the first time a mating bond hasn’t been the end all be all, look at Luciens own mother. She is mated to Helion and married to Baron, and they’ve never fought over it… I like to think Lucien, no matter which father he takes after more, he’d let me be in control of this because he’s seen how much control his mother lacks.” 

“So, get married.” 

“What?” Elain’s eyes almost pop out of her skull; she can’t believe what he said. 

“Marriage is as serious as a bond. I knew that once Feyre said I do to Tamlin, I wasn’t able to interfere; the bond would be there, but it would never happen. Helion does nothing because she’s married. Not because he’s afraid of Baron or because he enjoys keeping a secret. It’s something most males respect. So marry Azriel, make it official, and no one can interfere.” 

“H-how?” She asks, still reeling from the idea. 

“Feyre and I got married right before we went to get the cauldron, right before you were changed,” he explains with a solemn look on his face. Taking another deep breath, he says, “I knew no matter what happened, by marrying her and making her our high lady, my court would be taken care of, and if I died, I died a happy, married man. But it came in handy when she went back with Tamlin.” 

Elain nods. “So… what? We just walk into a temple, and a priestess marries us? We don’t need anyone there to witness it? It just becomes official?” 

“They will have a second priestess there to witness it,” Rhys assures. You can do it alone, in the middle of the night… or you can do it here, in the garden, with your closest friends and family, and we will keep it a secret until you want to tell Lucien.” 

She nods along, slowly taking it all in. “I think… I think I want to talk to Az first. Make sure we’re on the same page.” 

“You are,” Rhys smiles, that genuine, toothy, Rhys smile. “He almost beat the shit out of me because I told him to stay away. He put rocks in the fucking snowballs the next day.”

 Elain laughs, blushing slightly as she shakes her head, “I love him so much; if you hadn’t stepped in, I was going to tell him that night.” 

“I’m sorry. Truly sorry. You happiness, your future, your love, that’s all up to you. I won’t step in again, unless you need me, because we’re family,” he reminds her. “It’s been so long since I had a sister— and don’t tell Nesta I said this, but— I love you both, even if I have a weird way of showing it.” 

Elain laughs, “You and Nesta butt heads like you’ve been siblings for 500 years. You both love so strongly, and you’re so afraid of people you love thinking the worst of you that it comes out in screaming matches and shoves. But she loves you; I know she does. If not because of Feyre, because of Cassian and how you kept him safe as a boy.” 

“If I could go back in time and do it all again, I’d simply go find him sooner.” 

It breaks her heart what the boys went through before meeting Rhys. Even if they hated each other for the first little bit, they saved each other—again and again and again. 

“I, uh, I’m going to go settle down for the night,” she announces as she stands up. “Thank you for understanding and for the advice.” 

He nods, “I’m always here for you, Elain. For anything.” 

—

He gets there early. 

He winnows to the townhouse garden. Sitting at the little picnic table in the dark, he contemplates bringing out some candles and making the garden brighter, but he also doesn’t want to draw attention to the townhouse. It’s known to be unoccupied currently, and the last thing he wants is for someone to ask Rhys why the lights were on tonight. 

He sends the shadows out to watch the house and alert him when Elain is at the front door. She has a key, she’s allowed in the warding, and she’ll be here as quickly as she can walk over from the river house. So he sends another shadow to watch the path she would take to ensure her safety. 

He can tell it's midnight from the moon's position; he stares up at the stars, wanting to memorize where they were the day he finally told Elain the truth—that he loves her more than he could ever properly explain, but he’ll try. He’ll tell her everything tonight, even if it’s almost a year too late.

Elain clears her throat, alerting him that she’s arrived and startling him. “How did you—

“I can winnow,” she shrugs. “How do you think I was able to stab that asshole so fast?” 

He lets out a small laugh, shaking his head before taking her in. He looks her up and down, and his heart skips a beat. In her deep blue dress, it might even be purple in daylight, but in the moonlight, it’s blue—his favourite shade of blue on his favourite person in the whole world. 

He smiles then, “I figured it was a heat of the moment power serge… Feyre had the same problem with her powers when she was learning; if she got too excited, angry, or… lustful, she could freeze, burn, blind, or disappear.” 

She nods, stepping closer to the table. " It was a shock that first time, but I kept learning. Nuala and Cerridwen helped me; they’ve taught me a lot." 

He smirks, shaking his head slightly, “I should’ve known you 3 would be dangerous together.” 

She giggles that beautiful, miraculous giggle. She sits across from him, “Yeah, well, I’m going to have to learn how to be dangerous if I’m going to be married to you, shadowsinger.” 

Everything stops. His breathing, his heart, the noise of the night in the city—it’s all gone. 

“Excuse me?” It falls out of him. 

She just smiles, big and toothy, her head slightly cocked to the side her eyes gleaming. It’s the same smile Feyre gives Rhys. He knows it well. She’s in love with him. 

“I gave Rhysand a talking to for stepping in last year. I… I want to make the choice of who I end up with, who I love. And while the cauldron was right for my sisters, the choice it made for me wasn’t right. I don’t agree, and I am putting my foot down. I’m taking my future into my own hands.” 

He nods along, “Okay.” 

“I love you. I want you. I need you.” Her voice lowers on the last line. She looks at him through her lashes and smirks slightly. “So marry me. Make me yours as much as you are mine, and together, we can deal with whatever that brings.” 

That was the last thing he expected tonight. However, he had dreamed about this moment… just a little differently. He was going to ask her about the continent during a trip to the Botanical Garden in Vallahan, somewhere she’d talked about visiting since she learned of it 2 years ago. 

“Tonight?” He asks, “Alone?” 

She shrugs, “If you want that. Rhys also suggested we do it in the garden at their house, with just a small group of us, so that it can stay a secret until we can tell Lucien.” 

“What if he—

“He’ll take it well. I think he’ll be just as relieved to know I don’t want him as I will be to know he doesn’t want me either,” she explains. “I have a feeling he stays with Vassa for more reasons than just that she understands him. I think he fell in love with her.” 

“That… that would make sense,” Azriel agrees. “He is very opinionated about breaking her curse and he would do anything for her the same way I would for you.” 

Her eyes light right up again, so big the stars reflect in her pupils. “So you love me?”

He lets out a deep breath, staring deeply into her eyes. Reaching out over the table, he takes her beautiful hands. “So much that it feels like my heart could explode. I never, ever thought I could feel like this and I’ve been alive—

“Forever?” She teases, squeezing his hand. 

He laughs, “a long time, yes. And in all those years I’ve never believed it could happen to me. To be loved the way I love someone, to feel like I deserve it… you make me feel worthy. You make me feel good. I just hope that my love brings something as meaningful to you as yours has brought to me.” 

“Oh, Az,” she drops his hand and rushes around the table; he meets her halfway. “You make me feel so powerful and strong and… and me. I’ve never felt more like myself than when I’m with you. You don’t make decisions for me, you don’t talk over me, you don’t talk down to me… you’re so wonderful and strong and powerful, yet you respect me as if I’m exactly as powerful. You respect me, you care for me, you are an extension of me at this point. I love you with my whole soul.” 

He cups her jaw and pulls her back to look down at her; every hair on his body stands up with anticipation as he stares into her eyes. The last time they were this close he fucked it all up. “I never meant what I said that night. You weren’t a mistake; Rhys made me feel like I was making one… You’d never be a mistake.” 

“I know,” she whispers softly, looking from his eyes to his lips. “Kissing you wouldn’t have been the mistake, trying to pretend we weren’t together behind everyones backs would’ve been. Loving you proudly, out loud and in front of everyone is what you deserve. What we deserve.” 

“What we both deserve,” he agrees before pulling her in and pressing his lips against hers. 

—

The second his lips touch hers, the world stops. Her eyes close in an instant. She wraps herself around him just as his big hands grasp her back and tug her in so they’re chest to chest. She hums against him, safe and content, where she’s always wanted to be—where she’s always meant to be. 

This is what she wanted last solstice; all those same feelings come rushing back. Her arousal coursed through her; she wanted him more than air, and as she took in a deep breath from her nose, she could tell he wanted her just as bad. His tongue slides over her bottom lip, begging for access to more of her mouth, so she lets him in. Tasting his tongue, exploring his mouth, feeling up his back as he cradles her head and holds her so carefully like she could break. Pressed against him, his leg juts out between her legs just right for her to gently grind upon. 

His hands slip down to her ass as he pulls her hips closer until she feels the outline of his cock pressed against her. She moans into his mouth and that heady and delicious scent comes pouring from him in response. He wants her just as badly as she wants him. Heat floods her body; she lifts a leg to wrap around him and pull him in even closer and to her surprise, he pushes the material of her dress up to grip her bare leg right under the knee and hold her there. 

He kisses down the side of her neck, growling lightly, “fuck, Elain, your scent is going to be the death of me.” 

She tilts her head to the side, holding onto his massive shoulders for dear life as he nips and sucks at her skin. “Az,” she moans his name. “It’s all for you. Always you.” 

He licks from her collarbone up to her ear, “you even taste like jasmine and honey.” 

“More,” she breathes out. “Taste me more?” 

He groans again, “let's get you to a bed—

“No!” she stops him, staring back into his eyes. “I want to do it here, where I fell in love with you.” 

“Right here?” 

She nods, “In the garden where you healed me… I have some blankets.” She waves her hand, and suddenly, there’s a pile of quilts and furs laid upon the ground, surrounded by lanterns and candles. “All I want is for you to take me in the flowers we planted together.” 

“Elain,” he cups her face. “Anything you want, from now until forever, I will give it to you.” 

“Then come on,” she smirks, taking his hand to lead him to the blankets. 

She makes him sit first, leaning back on his hands with his wings slightly spread— enough to show off but not enough to knock anything over and set the garden ablaze. She hikes up her dress just enough to straddle his lap. The light, satin fabric pools around her hips, cascading over them. She cups his face once more as he wraps his arms gently around her. 

“Are you sure?” He worries. 

She nods, “I took the tonic this morning after breakfast, I’ve wanted to do this for a while— tell you that is, not... you know? Well…” 

He smirks, “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, too.” 

“How long has it been for you?” She wonders, almost regretting it. 

“Since I met you… even before that. I think it might be five years now. Near the end of Amarantha’s reign, my shadows alerted me to what was happening all over, and I was too nervous to partake in anything fun.” 

She nods, " As much as I hate her, I’m grateful she brought us together.” 

He brushes her hair back behind her ear and cups her cheek, “I would’ve waited 500 more years for you.” 

“And I would’ve come back, again and again and again, until our paths crossed.” 

He gently cups her body and flips them around, resting her against the blankets and hovering over her. “I know something else you can do again and again for me.” 

She knows exactly what he means, “Oh, please?” She begs. “I’ve never… but I want to.” 

“Never?” His eyes widen in shock. 

“Never…”

“Well then, at least we get to share at least 1 first each tonight.” She looks at him, confused. “You’ll get to cum, and I get to be loved. Truly loved.” 

“Oh,” she swoons. “I do love you; I love you so much.” 

“Let me show you just how much I love you,” he coos, leaning back in to kiss her lips. 

With her dress still hiked up, the bulge in his pants pressed directly against her underclothes. He feels so remarkable, both against her and as his tongue reenters her mouth. 

Before she can get into it again, he kisses her lips one last time, and he shuffles down between her legs even more. He kisses her neck, shoulder, and collarbones, “can I?” He whispers against her skin, hand tracing the bodice of her dress, over her pebbled nipples and up towards the straps. 

“Yes,” she moans. “Touch me, Azriel.” 

He makes a pleased sound, almost a purr against her, as he pushes her straps off her shoulders and pulls the dress down to her middle. Watching as her breasts become free from their silky prison and fall away from each other with the weight of them. He takes two handfuls, his scared hands carefully gripping them as she arches towards his touch. She never thought too much about her breasts, thinking they were a fine size, not too big and not too small… looking at them now, in his hands, she realized they were made for this. To fit perfectly in the palms of her lover's hands, her one true love's hands. 

Then, he grips her tits, pushing them together, and kisses her right nipple, then the left and then he lets them go. Gravity separates them enough for him to kiss the centre of her chest and down her stomach until he’s lying between her legs. Tugging at the dress once more, she lifts her hips to help him slide it off of her, down her legs and abandoned on the blankets beside them. 

He kisses her stomach again, hands sliding along her thighs as he pushes them apart even more. Resting between them, he presses a kiss right to the fabric in the centre of her underwear. “Are you 100% positive you want this?” 

“Yes, Azriel,” she breathes out, assuring him one last time before he starts to pull her panties right off. 

She’d dreamed about this moment, the way he’d look up at her with greedy, lust-blown eyes just as he kissed the most sensitive part of her.

She’s had the unfortunate experience of hearing her sisters with their mates, thinking they were overexaggerating their noises just to stroke their Illyrian egos. She had no idea it was this good. 

His tongue glides along her quim, slowly savouring the taste of her slick. She reached for him, resting on one elbow as her free hand ran through his hair. He looked up into her eyes, smirking as he sucked on her, causing her to gasp. “Oh gods,” she whined, just as he growled against her. The vibration radiates through her body. 

She had never felt like this. The heat in her veins danced through her body, sparking like her favourite wine. She arched off the bed, pushing herself closer to him; she wanted more. She wanted all of it—all of him. 

The way his hands gripped her thighs, holding her open as he dragged his tongue over her once more before plunging his tongue right into her. She gasped, not expecting it. She had read about this, having stolen one of Nesta’s books when she was a teenager… but this, this was far more intimate, more intense than she expected. His nose brushed against that bundle of nerves as his tongue turned inside her. Fucking her with his tongue, reaching a place inside of her that no one else had. 

She swore she closed her eyes at the feeling, yet she could still see stars. Whining and moaning as her hips undulated to meet his movements, she didn’t care if the whole city heard them. The world should know that the shadow singer of the night court was hers, dedicated to her pleasure, and had promised himself to her for the rest of his life. 

If this was anything to go by, she knew a good half of that remaining lifespan would be spent here. In her bed, between her thighs, inside her. Where he belonged. 

Pressing a hand to her stomach, he held her down as he withdrew his tongue, going back up to her clit to flick his tongue against it. She cried out, feeling bubbling in her gut, lower than that… in her womb. Closer than she’d ever been in her life, she knew she was close to experiencing her first orgasm. Giving it to him would be a blessing— without any warning, he slipped a finger into her. 

Breathing against her, he looked up to see her reaction as she looked down at him with pure shock on her face. “I’m going to need to stretch you,” he explained. “You’ll need to be prepared for me.” 

She tossed her head back, “sweet fuck,” she moaned. “I knew it…” 

He chuckled against her, “knew what?” 

“Illyrian wingspans…” she tried to explain as he fucked her with his finger, kissing her clit over and over as he watched her. “They—gods— they’re indicators of size in other— other places.” 

He hums, “That they are.” 

She moaned again as he curled his finger, gently rubbing a spot inside of her that made those stars behind her eyes explode into blinding white light. That moan became a scream of pleasure as something foreign coursed through her body, making her shake and writhe against the blankets. 

He coaxed her through it; behind the ringing in her ears, she could tell he was praising her. “Good girl, there it is; let it go.” 

She couldn’t catch her breath, panting with her hand gripped to her breast, her chest heaved. “Was that?” She asked, not able to use any more words; her brain felt like it melted in her skull. 

He hums against her thigh, pressing kisses there as she calms down, finger still inside her. “It was… you look beautiful when you cum.” 

She just lay there, looking up at the stars again. “Holy fuck.” 

He withdrew his finger then, and she felt his tongue back on her hole, lapping up her release. He groaned, “You taste even better.” 

Her legs still quaked as she sat up slightly, looking down at him again. His eyes were blown out with lust, so impossibly dark… his wings spread out, fluttering and twitching every now and then as he kept licking at her. “Are you… are you sure I need more stretching?” 

He nods, “Just 2 more fingers… give me 5 minutes?” 

“Okay,” she smiles. “I can’t wait to have you back up here.” 

“Oh,” he softens at that. “Here,” he offers; getting to his knees, he crawls over her. Keeping her thighs apart with a knee, his fingers dance over her sensitive clit and down to her hole. Leaning over her, he’s so close to her now. She can smell herself on his face; a husky jasmine essence covers him. “I can multitask.” 

She wraps her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down into a kiss. Tasting herself… he wasn’t wrong. She hums in his mouth; she could get used to this. And then there are two fingers working their way into her. Slowly, knuckle by knuckle, he was right about needing to stretch her because even this is a lot. She has to stop the kiss, breathing against him, “How in the world are your fingers so big?” 

He laughs against her, dropping his forehead to her shoulder. He rests on his elbow, yet he’s still able to brush her hair off her face. All of him is huge, actually. He makes her feel so small, not in a bad way. She likes it. She likes how delicate she feels under him, knowing she’ll always be protected, especially as his big wings stretch out and hide them from the world. 

She reaches out for his wings, brushing her fingers from the talon and down along the membrane. He shutters, bucking his hips against her legs. “You did that on purpose,” he groans. 

She smirks, “oh, does it feel good?” She teases. “I had no idea.” 

He bites her shoulder, making her yelp. He drags his tongue over the bite mark and then blows on it lightly, sending shivers down her entire body. Her nipples get even harder, somehow. He kisses from her shoulder to her chest, sucking her nipple into his mouth and sucking gently. He pumps his fingers in and out of her with more fervour, his thumb ghosting over her clit to see if she’s still too sensitive for more. She isn’t. She’s craving more of him all over again. 

Curling his fingers again, his rhythm changed ever so slightly to rub that spot inside of her as he thrusts. She can hear how wet she is and feel it slipping out of her to pool on the sheets. When it all starts to feel a bit too much again, he slows down, withdraws all the way and starts to work in another finger. 

She hisses; it’s more than she’s ever had inside of her. Her first time wasn’t anything too spectacular; Greyson was a typical, average human man. Nothing, absolutely nothing compared to Azriel. With his wings and his fingers… oh, she was in for a world of pleasure after the hurt subsided. 

“You can take it,” he whispers in her ear, cooking her through it. Sucking on her neck gently, he presses his thumb into her clit for added pleasure. Knowing exactly what he’s doing, she eases up and relaxes just enough to let him in all the way. “Good girl.” 

The phrase makes her brain fuzzy. She reels in the praise; it’s not often she’s complimented like this. She brushes a hand over his wing again, “Az…” 

Deep from within, he purrs against her again, “Yes, sweetheart?” 

“I’m good— ready, I’m ready,” she rushes out. “Please?” 

He smiles, pulling away from her breasts, hovering over her; he keeps pumping into her. Scissoring his fingers slightly, stretching her even more before he pulls out. “Are you sure?” 

She nods like her head is on a spring,  “yes, Az, please?” 

“Say it,” he orders, grinning like a devil, still fucking her with his fingers. “Tell what you want.” 

“Fuck me,” she breathes out. “I want you to fuck me.” 

“I can do that,” he teases, pulling out of her and sitting up on his knees. He’s quick to suck her juices off each one. Savouring the taste, his eyes roll back in his head slightly. He groans, pulling them out with a pop sound, “I’m never going to get enough of how you taste.” 

She props herself up on her elbows, staring at him with her head cocked to the side. Her eyes drag over his body, over his tight black shirt and down towards the strain in his pants. “Are you going to stay clothed all night?” 

With the snap of his fingers, he’s naked in front of her. So, so naked… her jaw drops at the sight of him. She’d seen him shirtless many times when he was working out on top of the house of wind or resting with Cassian in the backyard… she’d daydreamed about what he’d look like under the belt, but nothing compares to the real thing. 

She quickly closed her mouth, swallowing before she could drool and embarrass herself. She reaches out for him, hand on his abs, she follows the bumps and ridges with her fingers, tracing over his skin causing him to breakout in goosebumps. She stops at the tuft of hair that usually peaks out of his training leathers. “Wow…” 

His cock twitches, standing tall and pointing towards her, head gleaming as a pearl of precum dribbles out of him. Her hand drifts further down, tentatively gripping him at the base as she makes eye contact. Her fingers barely meet her thumb. He’s that thick and long… holy gods, she would take this. Again and again and again for the rest of her life. 

She gets to her knees, still not as tall as him, stroking him lightly. Looking into his eyes, she deeply breathes, “Make love to me, Azriel.”

He lunges for her, kissing her hard, passionately. Hand at the nape of her neck, he caresses her with his thumb as his tongue meets hers once more. She would never tire of how he kissed her and savoured her, as if every kiss would be their last. His other hand rests on her lower back, pulling her in closer so their bare chests touch. She settles against him, letting go of his cock so she can wrap her arms around him and feel his back muscles, tracing gently around where his wings meet skin. 

He whimpers into her mouth, nipping at her lip before pulling back, “lay back.” 

She listens, quickly finding the most comfortable spot against the blankets, her head resting on a makeshift pillow of folded fur. With her legs spread, she watches him kneel between her legs once more, dropping over her, hands on either side of her, and caging her in. He looks at her like a meal, like he’s been starving for half a millennium. 

Which, in a way, he has been.

Starved for love. 

“I love you,” she whispers, reaching for him again. She cups his face. “I love you so much, Azriel.”

Fighting back what looks to be tears, he smiles, “I love you, Elain Archeron.” 

“I’m ready when you are?” 

“Okay,” he whispers; reaching between them, he gathers some of her wetness and rubs her clit for good measure. She bites her lip with a moan, still relaxed and happy and okay… so he slips in slowly. Inch by inch, watching himself disappear inside of her. It’s intoxicating to watch him watch her, but the feeling, the stretch… it’s far too good to stay focused. 

He’s just hovering over her, completely inside of her, staring into her eyes while they take in the moment together. “You’re inside of me,” she whispers with a smile. 

“I am,” he can’t help but laugh slightly, entirely in love with her. “Can I move?” 

“Please?” she grips his shoulders for good measure, pulling out just enough to push back in again and again and again until he builds a beautiful rhythm that she adores. With her head lulled back, he kisses her neck and jaw, using everything in his power not to completely cover her in marks where the whole city could see tomorrow. 

“Can you, can—“ she tries to talk, feeling too much to string much along. “Touch me… in that spot?” she begs, not wanting to say such a crude word out loud. 

“Your clit?” He teases. “Of course.” Using his thumb, he rubs her clit while the rest of his flat hand rests on her pubic bone. He can almost feel himself with each trust, and it’s just as intense for her. 

It’s everything she ever wanted and then some, more beautiful than any experience she could read in a book or imagine late at night… and usually he was the star of those dreams that felt like this. And now he’s real, and here and between her legs, making her feel more than ever before; she’s so fucking close again. 

“Az,” she whispers, getting his attention back, “kiss me?” 

She doesn’t have to ask twice; he kisses her hard and passionately, thrusting into her with precision and dedication to make sure she has a good time. He would be damned if he came before her, so he rubs her clit faster and fucks her deeper and kisses her harder. It’s all so much, her thighs are trebling again and she knows it’s going to happen, she wants to warn him but it feels too good to kiss him and hold him while he takes her there. And he feels it too, she knows he does by the way he whimpers against her mouth, “close?” He mumbles. 

She nods, “please?” 

“Cum baby,” he encourages her, feeling her clench around him, pulsing around his cock as she releases, just like she did on his fingers. “Good girl,” he praises, bucking his hips into her and withdrawing his hand from her clit. He wraps his arms around her, fucking her gently and with intent as he chases his own high. His wings spread wide, splayed out so fast that all the candles are extinguished by the gust of wind. 

“Oh Elain,” he whispers, “oh, I love you, I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he cums, shaking on top of her. 

She runs her hands over his back, touching that spot where his skin meets his wing—where she now knows he likes it—coaxing him through it all. It feels so much more intense than either of them expected. 

He still’s inside of her, panting in her ear gently between each kiss to her neck. He just wants to hold her, he could fall asleep after how incredible it was, but then she starts to shake again, and it’s not because she’s cumming. 

She’s crying, holding him tightly with her cheek pressed to the side of his head, “I love you.” 

“I love you, sweetheart,” he lifts himself up enough to look down at her, feeling himself start to tear up as well. “So, so much,” he feels the tear trickle down his cheek and land on her chest. 

She pulls him into another kiss, holding his cheeks in her hands. She breathes him in deeply. “Thank you,” she whispers afterward. 

“We’re even,” he teases with a smile, wiping her tears. “Thank you.” 

@greenleaf777 @lostvillainess

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @buckleyhans @mrs-ssa-hotch @ssavanessa22

[sugurusombereyes]

you had to kill me but it killed you just the same ; eren yeager

synopsis: spending your pre-teens with eren meant that you would have to somewhat abandon the home that meant it’s meaning, he comes to visit you after you fled without a word of goodbye.

you can aim for my heart go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones.

word count: 4405

contents: eren yeager/reader, implications of sh, implications of depression, some crying, gonna make you want to rip your heart out, mutual pining kinda, reader is kind of a bitch at first, somber ending??

a/n: first fic so please be kind (nobody is going to see this) 🥰🥰 - hopefully no errors bcs it’s 4am rn and icba to read over it <33

november 10th 2002

"do you really believe in that?"

"believe in what?," the boy asks confused as mikasa huffs for the fifth time in counting during this conversation, "the whole deep down thing that you just spent five minutes talking about, keep up yeager."

eren nods in realisation, "yeah i mean i don't think it really exists y'know? you are just what you put out for others to see, i mean why would you project yourself as someone else in front of someone else. if that makes any sense." he mutters the last bit a little quieter than before, "maybe some people just can't be bothered to be fun all the time, you think too much into things eren."

the boy shrugs in return, like he did for everything everyone had disagreed with him on. "okay guys i'll meet you later on, armins over there!," the brunette smiled as she waved the two of you off, both of you murmuring a small 'bye' as she jogs towards the blonde.

it was the day before your birthday, usually you would prepare for a party. buying the decorations months in advanced and telling everyone about how you changed your mind on your cake for the fifth time while they all sigh in return, but you still keep your smile because it's your birthday, one of the best days because it was all about you.

as usual you had training with your best friends, the people that practically saved you from yourself multiple times without knowledge. what more could you ask for?

but this year was different.

your birthday now meant something else, something that made your stomach turn and heart tug whenever someone would even mention your existence.

the anniversary of your mothers death was always hard, but especially hard around your birthday. this was the third one without her but it still made your soul leak with blood, slowly and excruciatingly dripping down as it begins to swallow you whole and spit you out after the wave of grief was somewhat less exhausting than it was initially.

it was harder this time year round because it was another reminder that you were alive and breathing while she was somewhere buried under the ground you were forced to walk on while the creator of your limbs no longer had any attachments to her creation.

the somber silence between you and eren grew cold and warped into the same silence that filled your ears once you heard the news from the same mouth that whispered sweet nothings into your ears when you had accidentally spilled the contents of your brain on him, attempting to wipe it away with your sleeve but continued to spread the mess around you both as the remainder leaked out of your eyes.

"are you going to be doing anything tomorrow?"

he broke the silence, his words immediately turning sour, regretting it as he uttered the wrong words that were always going to be wrong no matter what time they were uttered. eren knew that you were hurting, i mean how could he not?

he noticed the things the others didn't, the way you would immediately tense up whenever someone would ask you something about yourself. it could be the most simplest thing and you would hesitate before answering, almost as if you didn't know who you were, that you were simply a host in a brain that you couldn't find your away around no matter how many times the layout would be explained, yelled at to you and you still wouldn't understand why you felt the way you did.

he noticed the way you would scrunch your eyes closed when you would find something exceptionally funny, your smile radiating love and joy onto the next person and basically forcing them to join in on the shared happiness you faced in the moment. he noticed everything you wanted to say you swallowed, opening your mouth and left with silence as you were talked over or shot a look which would make you divert your gaze to something other than him.

"it made sense," you scratched your head, glancing up at him once and looking back down as you met his eyes full of the stars that you both peered out of your window to look at ever night, not together but was a silent agreement to do whenever one of you felt like you needed to forget who you were.

"before, what you-."

"mhm," he hummed softly in response, cutting you off from re clarifying what you meant. because he knew what you meant, he always did.

the elders would've been pissed if you were late again to another meeting, he sped up walking towards the building as you kept your slow steps, sighing softly as the breeze kissed upon your skin.

"c'mon, let's go. i know you wouldn't want to be late, i mean they wouldn't anyways." eren grabbed your hand, coming off more eager than he intended. but he was quick to make up for it by the soothing swipes back and forth over your bruised knuckles that didn't always mean defending yourself, rather saving yourself from the possibility's of hurt you could inflict upon the protection of your temple that sometimes you wanted to claw off.

you always felt a different type of peace with eren, acceptance almost. i mean you'd been craving it ever since you decided that you could never be destroyed by anything but yourself, over and over again until the desire to not be wounded repeatedly would stop. you felt at home because with him you didn't have to think about yourself and it would hurt less.

he would make you hurt less.

november 10th 2012

"you're fucking joking me," you hiss, burning yourself for the third time this week. cooking was never your forte but you felt like you needed to make somewhat of an effort instead of ordering take out for the third time this week.

i mean you wouldn't order the take out, the poor old woman down the street that was completely oblivious of the real world and it's corruption would order it for you and give you the same sweet smile and offer to come by her house so she can make you an actual meal.

you would always decline politely, pre making a good excuse so she wouldn't feel like you didn't wanted to be around her. you would tell her that you have training once again, you have to get in the extra work due to an injury you faced a few years back. you tell her that you would love to stay but you can't burden your eldian blood, you had come too far to betray yourself for nothing.

she'd then give you that same sweet smile, the smile lines cemented into her skin telling you a story of how she watched her kids get eaten by titans in front of her while she carried the burden of existing. she kept on smiling no matter what, making their favourite dishes, eating them alone and gazing into the empty seats which were once filled by the love that made her home an actual home.

you couldn't break it to the woman that the life you had fed her was completely rotten and was going to poison you both eventually as time went by. you couldn't break it to her that you didn't actually have a boyfriend who was out fighting the remainder titans left and that he hand wrote you letters every week about how much he missed you.

you couldn't find the words to tell her that you were hiding out in this small town in the middle of nowhere because you were most wanted everywhere else, that you had in fact betrayed your eldian blood and went against everything that stood for it because you live with the burden of being yourself.

you couldn't tell her that you weren't living in the colours you painted out for her but were so afraid of losing something, you refused to love anything.

"okay fuck this," you turn off the stove, wiping your hands on your apron and throwing it across the room in frustration. "one more order can't hurt." you murmur, grabbing your flip phone and heading towards the front door.

you let out a sigh before swinging open the door, a softer one this time compared to the one you let out when you realised that you had to create another excuse for the old woman.

"i would say i like what you've done with the place but it just doesn't seem like you."

the plain expression on his face doesn't tell you anything more than you would usually expect it to, he knew that obviously. he knew you.

the sun kissed upon his features perfectly you thought, his green eyes glistening an unsettling sense of normalcy back into your boring brown ones.

his hair was grown out; half of it tied into a bun and the rest flowing down his shoulders, making your brain shift to the times when you would run your fingers through them as he let out the same soft sigh you did before you opened the door.

"well then maybe you don't know me as well as you thought yeager."

yeager

(his heart ached for a split second, the nostalgia of your first interaction turning in his stomach.)

he blinks twice and nods softly, "maybe," he utters so carefully, looking anywhere but the eyes that moulded the way his heart was shaped.

there was something different about him and for once you couldn't pin point what it exactly was. you spend a minute observing him, the faint smile lines that reminded you of the time you both laughed till your eyes were red from crying.

he knew what you were doing and observed back, the faint scar that laid upon your right cheekbone that was more defined than the last time he saw you, the shadow of it spilling out the grey novembers you spent alone.

"i'm not inviting you in," you step to the side, letting a small portion of the cold house spill out upon his vision. "i know you wouldn't." you swear the corners of his lips turned up for a second, letting a bit of warmth into your living situation.

(you couldn't call it a home because you were without the thing that stopped your heart from permanently longing)

eren walks in slowly, turning his head to the burnt smell that wafted throughout your house, mentally smiling at your failure at cooking.

i mean he wasn't surprised, why would he be? he couldn't help but let his mind drift off to the times you both talked about your future, and how you were adamant on not living together because apparently he'll get sick of you.

(he could never imagine a universe where he wouldn't want to be by your side)

but then you'd change your mind and remember how responsible he was, and then he'd remind you that you couldn't eat take out everyday after the world faced peace. then you'd decide that you both would live together so he would cook for you and not result in you dying from an extremely high cholesterol level.

(you'd then ask him to spell cholesterol and he'd quickly change the subject)

"you have anything to drink?," he took his hands out of his pockets and darted his eyes to your sink, "not really." you murmur, clearing your throat to make him look back at you, just for you to glance somewhere else.

you were afraid that if eren looked too long he would notice the brush strokes that were smudged over and over to make who you were, that the longer he looked he would realise that you weren't painted as carefully and softly as the others were.

(he didn't care for softness, only for you)

he hummed in response, walking towards the rusty sink and pouring himself a glass of water. "m'kind of hungry, you?," he cleared his throat, setting the glass down and facing you from across the room.

"nah- but make yourself at home," you raise a hand towards the burnt mess on the stray pan. you found yourself playing along and liking the narrative he wrote out for you as soon as his warmth leaked into your home.

"perfect," he chirps in response, he was turned around but you could still hear the small smile in his words.

sending a pang to your heart.

a tender moment passes, eren looks around the kitchen leading into the living room, finding his eyes softening at the sage coloured curtains.

the only part of your home that felt like you.

everything else was bland, beige and black. rusted or a little scratched up, i mean he knew you weren't going to stay here forever but he assumed the interior would be a bit more put together.

"you can't stay," you almost declare to him, knowing it was the obvious but saying it to make it clear.

he couldn't stay because you weren't allowing him.

(not like that ever stopped him before)

"busy?"

he turned his head, swiftly turning on his heel and walking slowly towards you. eren knows you aren't busy, but he's just asking to create conversation. he doesn't know why, but then again nothing didn't need to mean something.

you had to bite back a laugh at the comment he made, it was almost comedic that eren had showed up. you were most wanted everywhere except this small town that was full of abandoned houses, something out of a horror movie he thought as he arrived there. but it didn't matter, after all you had moved there for a reason, the same reason that he longed to find out even though he knew somewhat of the answer.

"yeah, something like that."

you start to walk to the counter top, standing behind it as a shield or something. but you didn't need a shield, you never did, if anything you felt like the whole world needed one against you. like the worse possible thing in the world was to know you, for someone to let you in their life.

but eren thought the complete opposite, he had reminded you that knowing you was one of the greatest blessings anyone could earn.

(he'd told you when he thought you were sleeping, you weren't.)

eren had tagged along behind you, the creaking of the stool he sat on interrupting the soft silence that settled every time you both avoided eye contact.

the last years you had been gone were the hardest on him, well not harder than losing his mother or having to tell you that his father was the reason for you to lose yours. he'd found himself coming out of his room and looking at the stars every night to soothe him from the loss he'd experienced; soothed from the idea that maybe you were looking at them at the same time as him, that you hadn't left him because you'd lost sense in his words.

you had to kill him but it killed you just the same, the day you left wasn't easy for you either. everyone had made assumptions that all of a sudden you were a monster, a villain from the famous story's that erens father would tell you to scare you both into training.

the day you left you didn't feel the same amount of relief that washed over you when you had come to the conclusion that the elimination of your existence wouldn't matter to anyone, but it had covered your wet skin in dirt and mud.

the debris coating your skin like erens warmth once did when you were covered in snow during winter.

but it wasn't winter when you left, it was summer and you were left with burns from this external heat which you never asked for, you never needed to ask for his warmth because it would always come at the times you didn't know you needed it.

"eren-."

"i didn't ever think of you as someone who enjoyed small towns," he cut you off so carefully, you see eren knew what he was doing and you knew it too. it reminded you of the time when you found him crying, hot tears flowing down his cheeks as he tried to catch the breath he had been chasing ever since he experienced loss for the first time.

you sat beside him and handed him a pack of tissues you stole from armin.

he had a cold but you didn't really care.

you asked him what has happened and he immediately changed the subject, talking about how black absorbs heat so you shouldn't be wearing it out on such a nice day.

you'd then scoff at the comment, if it were such a nice day then why was he upset? eren would then talk about the colours you should wear instead because black would make you tired, not knowing that darkness was all you ever knew and you didn't really give a fuck about what colour to wear on a hot day because you had been absorbing everyone's exhaustion whenever they'd felt like acknowledging you.

but you would never play along like everybody else, you would gnaw at him for the root reason why he was changing the subject until you got the answer. no matter how much blood would be splattered around you both, mixed with tears and venom he spat out while dodging your question, burning your skin that was once burnt but not in the same way he hurt you.

"why are you here yeager?," you spat out, coming off more poisonous than you expected. venom spewing onto his clothes and burning small holes into it and branding his skin with your words.

(only the thing was that he didn't mind, if anything it was you so who was he to complain?)

he huffed and darted his eyes to your knuckles, "this doesn't suit you," he was looking into your eyes now, his gaze flickering back to the scar.

"and when have i ever cared about what suits me or not?"

he lets out a small laugh, looking down at his shoes. eren wasn't a fool, he knew that this had to come to an end and that your facade would also.

another moment passed, but it didn't have the same tenderness it had before you started talking. you didn't want to understand why eren was still in your kitchen, why he drank your tap water without letting it run to cold, why he attempted to make conversation with you and why he was smiling.

you didn't understand why you had to be the one hunted down, you knew it was your fault but why didn't anyone want to understand your actions and what drove you to insanity?

you'd ask these questions to the night sky, hoping one of the stars would talk back and explain that they see how you sob over what you destroy and how you begged the empty sky for everything stop but then pick up the dagger and dig your future back into your skin, while begging your hand to put it down.

you wanted the stars to tell you that they won't keep on inventing you and accusing but stop and take the dagger from your trembling hands, holding them in their warm grip while you wouldn't have to beg for your brain to stop.

"y'know it rained on the day you left."

he uttered so casually, looking at you as you dodged his eyes again. "not for long," you said a little quieter than you needed to.

"yeah, it stopped at night," eren murmured, he got up from the stool and rubbed invisible dust off of his trousers.

"the stars looked beautiful that night."

"i didn't see them that night," he breathed, a little twinge of annoyance in it, sending a hot flush surging through your veins. your expression wavers at the slightest as well as his hard gaze upon a face that he's slowly starting to not recognise.

he lied.

the night you left eren sat in the rain and gazed at the stars, but you already knew that. it didn't rain that night, if anything there was a cool breeze, sending a wave of nostalgia over your skin as you couldn't help but let your mind wander to the times you both would lay on the grass upon a safe silence.

eren breathed again but a little louder this time, the corners of his lips turning up into the same smile he plastered on before his eyes started to water and his ears turned red.

"don't ask it."

"but i need to know," erens voice wavered, his eyes pleading you to not swallow everything this time but vomit it up upon the kitchen counter. spilling onto the floor and onto him as well if it were more than you intended to get rid of. he would clean it up with a perfectly clean rag, well not perfect i mean it had broken threads but nothing compared to the putrid smell of all of the burning rage left inside you.

you shake your head no at his words, at the break of his voice that immediately sent pangs to your heart, wrapping around your heart and squeezing it till it nearly exploded.

"so what, you want me to forget all of this? forget you and move on, you know me-."

"i knew you."

you cut him off immediately, your voice overpowering him as he stood up, scoffing at your words. "don't do that."

"don't pretend like you don't know me, like we didn't spend birthdays together and fucking- watched the stars with me whenever i felt like the world was going to end." he threw his hands at his sides, unclenching the fists that he didn't know were drawing blood as you gave him nothing but silence.

"well it didn't- the world is perfectly fine and-."

"oh and you are?" he cut you off again, his sharp tone slashing back into the scars which you both had riddled from your preteens. "you're perfectly fine?" eren almost mocked you in his tone, his eyebrows expressing more than you could once questioned on your stability.

you spoon fed him with nothing but your silence, it speaking a whole lot more than your fake excuse of re clarifying what he just said. you couldn't afford to choke up anymore chunks of hurt around you both so you kept quiet, the best thing you were good at.

"i wish you knew me when my hair was long."

you cleared your throat once again, wiping your hands on your trousers and brushing your short length hair from your shoulders.

"i look for your laugh whenever i find something funny."

"i was kind, and didn't care about a single thing. i would be running around and jumping with joy- for like no reason." you breathe out, smiling at the thought.

you hadn't smiled like that for a long time.

"the knowing of your existence would've been enough for-."

"i wish you would've known me when i kept on failing on the maneuverer gear, the way i would flip upside down and my head bleeding from it, being scraped over and over until i accepted my fate."

you snickered at the old memory, "everyone would then flick the scab and some would even make it bleed- believe it or not," you smile looking up at him, "but you would've stole a plaster from shadis and took the blame immediately."

he stood there with nothing to say, well not exactly nothing but he couldn't find the words upon the waves that crashed over the both you with the things he wished he would've said.

"i wish you knew me when i liked myself a little better then i do now," your voice broke at the word 'little', playing a sad smile upon your lips that he couldn't bare to look at.

you don't find any point in looking away from eren, he stood there without the words that you wanted to hear him say. tears flooded your eyes and down your cheeks, you didn't bother to wipe them away because he was already heading towards you.

"i don't need to know your long hair to know who you are now," he whispered, his voice cracking as you shook your head. his warm hands moulding your cheeks, absorbing your tears and the reopening of the wounds that he helped close.

his thumb swiped your ongoing tears, rivers of longing and nothing but shaking fists as your teeth grind at the thought of you once were; who everyone painted you out to be once again.

your head dropped into his chest, the smell of nostalgia washing over you like the relief that did once you realised that eren was in fact watching you when your head dropped onto the wooden table you ate on. that it wasn't just tiredness but the exhaustion of being reminded that you are still you after all this time; that you didn't magically transform into someone else and still were left with the brain you were cursed with the minute you were born.

"we have to go," his hands found his way to your back, drawing lazy circles to soothe the raw open wound inside of you, "i know." your voice broke again, breathing heavily as he rubbed your back softly.

rustling outside of your house echoed inside, you knew what was coming for you wasn't the life you painted out for the sweet old lady that rambled on about the family she once had.

"they wouldn't want us to be late." his voice broke, tightening his grip on your body.

(you hate physical contact only because you knew that they would have to let go at some point.)

"i think i can make an exception this time." you smiled into his chest, nuzzling your head into him and hoping to never have to lift your head and face your fate.

he hummed in response, hearing the small smile in it as you felt his tears drip onto your shirt, burning through the material and leaving holes of grief of those who aren't really dead branded onto your skin.

now you wish you would've taken the home cooked meal.

[st4rb3rr13s]

Eren Headcanons

Guys I can’t write stories rn. Like genuinely writers block is eating me up. So headcanons for my pookies 😍 missed you all!! (Would I be in the wrong for going into different fandoms?? How would yall like a Gojo x reader or yall want me to keep this AOT??)

Anyways! Eren headcanons. Random ones idk

Eren can barbecue. I’ve told yall he’s a limited chef but when he gets on that grill?? Oh baby even Jean shuts his mouth. The ribs be TOO good like genu who taught this man how to make this food?? Cause his father cannot cook and Mama Carla can cook and bake but isn’t fond with grilling…(It was Onyankopon.)

Eren would definitely want matching tattoos with you. If you’re not fine with that, that’s ok but when you two become engaged?? He’s bringing it up. If you said yes during your two’s honeymoon is when you’d get it. I believe he’d want your first and newly last initial on his ring finger and want you to get his initials.

Eren squeals like super loud. Tell me I’m wrong. Like when he gets really excited about something or is really energized when with you he’ll just start squealing. It’s super cute at times, especially when ur not expecting it.

Eren is the type to catch a spider in his hands. Either his hands or the paper and glass method. He doesn’t believe in killing something just because it’s somewhere it’s not supposed to be. (His mom read a poem like that to him and now he never wants to kill a spider.)

Eren loves inviting Armin and Mikasa over when he owns an apartment or house. Would invite them over for a little house party or just dinner. You’d come home and see the three watching a movie super loud or talking about whatever. It warmed your heart.

Eren’s mother, Mama Carla? When you two get an apartment/house together she’d be there every single day. She wouldn’t trust Eren cooking or holding his end of cleaning. The two would have mini arguments everyday because of how much she’d come over. You always welcomed her with open arms. (Eren did too but he was sick of her antics.)

Eren’s clothes are so oversized it’s not even funny. A lot of people don’t realize he has a build until one day he wears a compression shirt. But he loves his oversized sweats, hoodies, t-shirts, anything tbh. Just keep it oversized and he’ll love it.

Eren would yell while playing uno. He would take it so seriously he’d yell at his brother about not picking up the right cards, and no one else tbh. He would just get aggravated, ESPECIALLY with his dad. Eren can’t play uno with his dad or he has to take a walk outside afterwards. (His dad tried to argue about picking up 4+ cards.(Mikasa won’t force him but Eren will.))

Eren would love sea animals as a kid. I believe he used to go to aquariums all the time, he’s probably have fishes in his room. As he got older his love for sea animals never stopped and has a little charm of a manatees on his vanity.

Eren’s room is mainly colors like gray, black, and white. He wouldn’t really want to decorate his room and doesn’t care for what the color is. As long as he has a bed and TV it doesn’t matter. (His childhood room is so big you know his bad ass did so much shit.)

Eren’s childhood bedroom has holes. He was a kid who punched the wall. He also was a kid who ran into walls. His mom covered it up with vanity’s with mirrors, desk, posters, really anything until he turned 16/17 and calmed down.

Eren first didn’t think becoming a lawyer was interesting so he became a doctor. Suddenly when Mikasa and him did a fake debate he actually liked it to the point Mikasa almost convinced him to be a lawyer. Almost until she explained how much college he had to do and all the law things he had to memorize and he gave up.

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

I wondered what would happen if heroes were stuck in a town without villains, and this is the result:

The Fakers

At the Hero Agency, the open space was silent. The clock alone was ticking the seconds away, although they seemed more like minutes for the three heroes inside. Only their suits added a touch of color in the gray room. It was a sunny day, but their expressions were as stern as their office. Settled behind their laptops, they frowned, scrolling furiously and refreshing the live news stream. Sometimes, they asked each other:

“Do you have something? Anything?”

Since they all checked the same sites, the answer was always negative. They couldn’t help, though. They kept asking. Suddenly, Hero 1 yelled:

“Hey, come and see this!”

The others jumped out of their seats, rushing to them:

“Something new?”

“A robbery?”

“A kidnapping?”

“A storm coming?”

“No! A cat video!”

Well, it was better than nothing. Everyone pressed around the screen to see the kittens. One minute and a half of glorious amazement later, they all turned back to their places, sharing embarrassed smiles.

During the next hour, a phone rang in Hero 2's pocket. They weren’t allowed to answer them in the office, but it was a long time that didn’t matter anymore. Without showing it, the others listened rapturously to every laconic answer Hero 2 made. After she hanged up, another asked innocuously:

“Everything’s all right?”

She raised her head as if it weighted too much for her neck:

“Hmm? Yes, yes. That was my sister Superhero, from the capital. She just fought Villain in hand-to-hand combat. She’s fine.”

“Oh. That’s good, then.”

“Sure.”

There was a tense silence. Everyone went back to their computers, and jumped when she hit the table with her fist:

“Damn it, why am I stuck in this office? I’m a goddamn loser!”

The other heroes glanced at each other nervously and didn’t answer, but she wasn’t finished:

“I can fight Villains just as well as her! I went to the same academy! I trained just as hard!”

Hero 3 tried to defuse the situation:

“We know, Hero 2. You fought so well during Supervillain’s attack-”

“That was two years ago!”

“Because...err..because we made such a good job Villains are scared to come here now?”

“No, damn it! It’s because that city is so bloody little no one is interested in taking it over! No building to explode, no rich people to kidnap, and I bet the bank only has pocket change! Nobody cares about us!”

No one replied. She was right and they all knew it.

“That’s not that bad,” tried to plead Hero 1. “I mean, if we were in the capital, we would see catastrophes and dead people every day. Isn’t this a reasonable price for peace? I-”

Hero 2 turned to face them, roaring:

“What about the money, Hero 1? What about the fucking money? We don’t find a villain to fight, the agency will cut our salary completely, and the health insurance. Do you have another safe job in mind, in this economy? I think not!”

Hero 1's gaze snapped to the floor.

“She’s right,” said Hero 3 in his soft, low, sad voice. “My daughter will get to college next year. I don’t know how to tell her that I might not have the money.”

“We’re screwed, aren’t we?” asked Hero 1 mournfully.

“If we keep wallowing, yes,” riposted Hero 2, knotting her fingers together. “But the academy has taught us not to give into despair. There must be something we can do.”

“No, not we, that’s the problem,” interjected Hero 3. “We just – we need a villain.”

“You have a list, Hero 1, don’t you?”

“Yes. I know who are the closest to us, and what crimes they have done. But you don’t suggest-”

Hero 2 stood up and paced the room, stopping just to look at them:

“I’m just saying! We’re out of options. Not all Villains do a lot of damage. If we set a trap for one to come here, it’ll be a good action, right? We’d be stopping them. That’s our job. We catch one, we make them promise to stay in town and not to hurt citizens, we let them go, rinse and repeat.”

The two others exchanged a glance. Hero 1 bit their lip, but as they were about to talk, Hero 3 shook his head:

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t know the harm we can bring into the city.”

“Think about your daughter!”

“Lots of people here have a daughter. I couldn’t sleep at night if I hurt one of them. I’ve not become a hero to do this.”

He crossed his arms, on the defensive. Hero 2 stepped towards him, with a pleading smile:

“At least let’s take a look at them. Just a little peek at the list. We have to inform ourselves anyway.”

Hero 3 grimaced, but he went along when the two others came to see the list on Hero 1's computer.

“Oh, look at this gal! Only specialized in robberies, lives only 50 km from here.”

“Nah, read ahead,” protested Hero 3. She killed one hostage once.”

“Okay, fine,” sighed Hero 2. “What about this guy? He didn’t do much. Just kidnapped the mayor of his town once. I mean, who can blame him ? The man is nasty.”

“Yeah, but after that he kidnapped his eight-year-old boy to make a point. Pass.”

“If you nitpick like that, we’ll never find anyone!”

“You call this nitpicking? Anyway, what would you do to make them come here? Write a letter? “Dear Villain, come to wreck shit in our town so we can be paid, please don’t denounce us, signed Very amoral heroes?” That doesn’t make sense!”

“Do you have a better idea?”

Hero 3 hesitated.

“Maybe we should write a letter to the agency,” he proposed. If our job is done, maybe they’ll relocate us to a bigger town.”

“Do you know the rent there?”

“Maybe we can replace heroes who were wounded or something to begin with.”

Hero 1, who played with their pen during their conversation, suddenly threw it in the air with an exclamation of triumph. The pen hit Hero’s 2 shoulder, who yelped indignantly and encased it in ice with a snap of her fingers.

“I’ve got it!” yelled Hero 1, turning towards their colleagues with a huge grin. “Replace, that’s it!”

Opening a file which contained their schedules, they pointed at the others, adding:

“Heroes, meet our villains!”

Hero 2 and 3 looked at their finger designating them and exchanged a glance.

“You mean... we turn evil?”

“Listen to me. We can’t trust Villains to do the right evil thing. But we do, right? We know this town. We never patrol at the same time. While one of us do the heroing, another pretends to be a new villain in town. We train between each other, so we’ll have no problem fighting for show.”

The room fell into a brief, stunned silence.

“Can we do it?” wondered Hero 2, griping her elbows. “I mean, we’re heroes. Do we have what it takes?”

“I’m sure we can be whatever we want to be, replied Hero 1 reassuringly. Look at your willingness to throw away citizens' safety for yourself! That was very evil.”

Hero 2 blushed:

“Aw, you only say that.”

“I mean it! You’d be perfectly vicious!”

“My, that- that means a lot. You too, you’d be a really good evil mastermind.”

“Aw, thanks. And Hero 3 here was ready to destroy our plans at every turn! Just like a villain. Plus, at the last break, he ate the next doughnut.”

“I didn’t mean it!” he gasped, turning red.

They all looked expectantly at him.

“Nobody is coming to rescue us,” slowly said Hero 2, smirking. “Sometimes you have to be your own Villain.”

Hero 3 sighed and crossed his arms:

“I can sew,” he mumbled. “I’ll make us new costumes.”

*

Back to the Hero x Villain Masterlist.

[dancingastralwitch]

A Palestinian man is asked in an interview by a white woman if he condemns Hamas while his people are being slaughtered in the open, and HE is the one condemned when he yells that it's injustice to insulate that his people deserve to be murdered, because "Hamas chose this."

A black woman is attacked first in a fight and SHE is the bad guy when she strikes back, she is the one whose face is plastered all over social media to be condemned and shamed for "aggression."

Two sisters are appropriately reacting to their oppressors by ripping off posters promoting their propaganda, and THEY are shamed and attacked for their lack of politeness when their people are being killed for existing.

An American democrat watches her colleagues cheer on genocide and ethical cleansing, the murder of children and the rape of women and the slaughter of families, and SHE is the one censored for speaking out in defense of them, despite her grief of losing family members.

Zionists are not condemned for enjoying the thought of children being killed, for calling Palestinians "animals" or saying Gaza should be "turned into a parking lot", Israeli doctors can get away with demanding that Palestinians, HUMAN BEINGS, should be murdered, that their only remaining hospital should be crushed.

They are not condemned for saying they wanted nuclear weapons unleashed on Gaza, they are not condemned for the imprisonment and torture of children, for desecrating dead Palestinians' corpses and mauling their bodies, for mocking Muslim Palestinians by rubbing their bullets against pig's skin before shooting them, for bombing Palestinian churches, for bombing universities, for shutting electricity from Gaza, cutting Palestinians from food and water, not letting them access to aid, for bombing CANCER hospitals and CHILDRENS HOSPITALS, for turning the sky of Gaza RED from explosions, for killing enough students that the entire school year was canceled, for annihilating families, for attacking Jewish people in Jerusalem, for cutting dead fetuses off dead mothers, for STEALING THEIR SKIN AND ORGANS and using them for their benefit, for forcing CHILDREN to hold a press conference to say that hey, they want to live.

Insinuating that this is about religion is the basis of Zionism. 60 members of Hamas were killed, and 10,500 civilians killed, 4000 of which are children. Over 800 bloodlines erased. Israel says they aim for "damage, not accuracy." Implying this is about Hamas is lies.

When white people in power tell you from their air-conditioned studios this is Israel defending itself, refuse to let Palestinian journalists explain things happening from their point of view, watch those journalists lose their entire families for speaking about what's happening to them, demonize Arabs who rage about injustice, ask Palestinians grieving if they condemn Hamas, know this is propaganda.

You shouldn't need them to tell you they're parroting lies to you. Their lies kill people. Their lies destroy people. Their apologies are insincere and their "sympathy" is limited only to those who look like them. It is unjust. It is cruel.

If I was were to narrate to you every atrocity Israel commited that I am aware of, I would never stop typing.

[trashlie]

I HAVE WAITED AN ENTIRE MONTH TO MAKE THESE! I HAVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS STUPID IDEA FOR FOUR WEEKS. PLEASE. ENJOY THESE LMAO 

i’m alkfjFLJAFJAFKJLKAJFLKJFKjfkjafkjakjfjkaf you know? 

[snekdood]

if ppl telling you "jewish ppl in israel were already kicked out of other countries and have no where else to go" makes you feel compelled to call whoever said that a "zionist", I really just dont think you give af about jewish ppl's lives quite frankly.

if your "free palestine" means "getting rid" of all jewish civilians in israel I think you're probably just a heartless asshole.

[krbkss]

mha 395

has anyone brought this up yet </3

[minglana]

also if i wanted to go to sleep i wouldnt be able to because of everyone yelling outside my room. how lovely