It wasn't the first time Eddie woke up to an empty bed after having someone spend the night. But it for sure was the first time it caught him by surprise.
He had been pretty sure things were different, with Steve. There was a real, proper date before they ended up in Eddie's bed together, after all. They held hands, they cuddled, they did all the romantic shit that Eddie used to scoff at and skip right past, before he got to know Steve Harrington. It hadn't felt like it was just about the sex: there had been tender touches and sweet words and soft kisses, and falling asleep in each other's arms afterwards had felt more intimate than anything Eddie had ever experienced before. So it didn't make sense to wake up and see no trace of Steve. No note, not a single piece of evidence that Steve had been there, not even something as dumb as a forgotten sock. Nothing.
As he went through his morning ritual of coffee, cereal and cigarette, he felt confusion make place for anger. By the time he was dressed and looking at himself while brushing his teeth in front of the crappy old bathroom mirror, he wondered how he could ever have been stupid enough to think that Steve would stay. The realization that Steve had apparently only used him to get what he wanted and dropped the act as soon as that happened, made him feel gross. He spit out his toothpaste with way more force than necessary and jumped in his van to tell Steve exactly that Eddie wasn't the kind of guy who tolerated being toyed with like that.
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When Eddie barged into Family Video, Steve was standing at one of the shelves with a big pile of tapes in his arms, the store empty and quiet except for some movie playing on the big screen in the background.
He looked up at the sound of the bell, and actually had the audacity to smile a soft, almost tender smile when he saw Eddie coming in.
"Hey there."
And, well, that truly did it for Eddie.
"Hey there?!" he repeated in a loud, shrill voice. "Seriously, Steve? What the hell, man? You sneak out of my bed after making me think what we did actually meant something, and now you greet me with a "hey there" like nothing has even happened?!"
Steve frowned; he looked genuinely surprised. Seriously, had none of the dozens of girls he probably pulled this on ever told him off? Or were they all worth staying for, contrary to Eddie the Freak Munson?
"Wha- What do you mean, making you think it meant something?" Steve stuttered. "It meant something. At least," he shrugged lightly and his cheeks colored into a light shade of pink, "to me it did."
For obvious reasons, Eddie found that a little bit hard to believe.
"Then why the hell did you sneak away at the crack of dawn like it was just some goddamn one-night stand?!"
Steve stared at him for a couple of seconds, his mouth falling open. Eddie had seen him look confused plenty of times before, but never like this - like he was missing something huge.
"I - I was allowed to stay?" Steve finally uttered. And it sounded so genuine, so small, so lost... All Eddie's anger easily got knocked out of him with that one question.
"You thought you weren't allowed to stay?" he asked, in a much softer voice this time.
Steve shrugged, suddenly avoiding Eddie's gaze.
"Yeah, I mean... I just assumed..." He swallowed visibly, seemingly searching for words. Finally, he fixed his eyes back on Eddie's face. "You actually wanted me to stay?" It sounded equal parts confused as hopeful, and the look in his brown eyes was so soft and innocent that it almost broke something inside of Eddie.
"Why the hell did you think I wouldn't?"
"I dunno, I just thought..." He looked away again, to a point just behind Eddie's shoulder as he continued, "Whenever a girl would come to my place, they'd always leave right after we finished. Or when I'd come to theirs, they'd have me leave through the window before their parents would notice. Some of them wanted to cuddle for a bit afterwards, but not, like, the whole night, y'know."
"Fuck, Stevie... I -" Eddie could barely believe what Steve was saying; it truly blew his mind that there were so many people who could have Steve Harrington in their bed and not want to keep him there forever. It made him furious - not at Steve, obviously, but at those girls who had made this perfect boy believe that he wasn't the kind of person people would want to keep around for what came after the sex.
"Falling asleep with you last night... That was the best thing that ever happened to me," he told Steve. It felt vulnerable, to say it out loud, but he knew he had to get it all out in the open. "I mean, don't get me wrong, the things we got up to before falling asleep were also pretty damn mind-blowing..." He couldn't help but chuckle. "But of course I wanted you to stay. I thought that would speak for itself."
"Oh," was the only thing Steve said, just blankly staring at Eddie for a couple of seconds. Then, his eyes widened as Eddie's words finally seemed to sink in. "Shit, Eddie, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to -"
"It's okay," Eddie cut him off. "Can you uh," he nodded towards the video tapes in Steve's hands, "Put those away, please?"
Steve placed the pile on the shelf behind him and Eddie immediately launched himself into his arms, pulling him as close as humanly possible without crushing his bones.
With a surprised Oomph! Steve took a few stumbling steps backwards before he caught his balance again, and hugged Eddie back just as tight.
"I'm really sorry, I messed up," he said, his mouth close to Eddie's ear. "I had no idea. If I had known, I would never have left, seriously. I would've called in sick and made you pancakes, and I would've stayed with you in bed all day."
"It's okay," Eddie repeated. "I mean, it's frankly ridiculous that you'd assume I wouldn't want you around every single fucking morning from now on, but -"
"So can I make it up to you tonight?" Steve interrupted him, an eager undertone to his question. "Or actually tomorrow morning, I guess?"
Eddie leaned back slightly to see Steve's face. He was hesitantly smiling at him, and Eddie gave him a beaming smile in return. Then, he leapt forward again to press an impetuous kiss against Steve's lips.
"How 'bout you make it up to me every day from now on, big boy?"
"I dunno, making you pancakes every day from now on is a bit much, don't you think?"
Eddie laughed. "Then the deal's off, sorry."
"What if we take turns?"
He pretended to think for a moment. "Alright, I think I can live with that," he finally concluded, letting Steve pull him closer again to steal another kiss. And as long as he could taste Steve's lips, he couldn't care less about pancakes.
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AND ANOTHER THING
Favoritism for Astarion aside, I think no one sees the tragedy in Wyll because he never really strays from "being good". We're never really given a moment where his actions had costs larger than himself. If he'd refused Mizora's pact, he'd obviously have the guilt of any lives lost on his shoulders. He accepted it though. If you're unshakable in your goodness there's no way you can be unhappy, clearly you're content with all your choices. WHICH IS THE POINT OF WYLL! HE DOESN'T REGRET HIS CHOICES BUT HE ISN'T HAPPY EITHER!
Astarion's whole thing is how fucking hard it is to be good, how easy it is to be a bad person. That's where Wyll comes into play! He showcases how often doing the right thing comes at a personal cost! That's the actual struggle with Wyll. In his efforts for justice he's losing himself. People aren't infinite resources, yet Wyll gives and sacrifices and takes the hits like he'll never run dry.
*rattling the bars of my cage* Don't you see it? The parallel themes of identity loss, the balance one most walk between altruism and selfishness, when does doing good at the detriment of yourself become detrimental to others as well, how can someone justify their selfishness, their sacrifices, when does someone need to tell you to stop giving, to stop taking? Hello? Do you hear me?? Is anyone there??? Look at it, LOOK AT ALL OF IT *starts gnawing at the bars*
edit: *BUSTS THROUGH THE BARS OF MY CAGE* ASTARION'S FIRST MAJOR SACRIFICE INVOLVES LOSING THE SUN. HE CHOOSES TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND LITERALLY LOSES THE LIGHT. WYLL SAYS YOU CAN ALWAYS LOOK TO ME WHEN YOU'RE IN SEARCH OF LIGHT. THE MARTYR HELPS THE SELFISH AND THE SELFISH KEEPS THE MARTYR FROM DESTROYING HIMSELF. *self-implodes*
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can't stop thinking about cheerleaders in mcr again
the way they've been in so many of their music videos - I'm not okay, teenagers, blood - and photo shoots and represented things like the American dream and the 'popular' crowd and blind conformity and youth and a certain (male gaze-y) kind of femininity
the way you can turn on kerrang and be very likely to see a band of similar genre also using cheerleaders in their music videos but it being 70% up-skirt shots or love interests whereas mcr have never done that
the way mcr never made the cheerleaders or any female characters in their mv's a 'safe' or 'attractive' kind of weird but instead straight up weird allowing them to dance strangely and wear gas masks and be covered in blood and be rejected by getting poked in the eye or even completely ignored actively tarnishing the cheerleader persona
the way gerard way has now dressed up as one, siding with the cheerleaders after being separate from them for so long
as if the cheerleader is no longer just that but also the girl within the uniform, done being used as a symbol of the American dream and the 'popular' crowd and blind conformity and sexualised femininity unwillingly
the 'and so he gets to die a Saint but she will always be a whore' of it all
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