#and nothing is ever really done with that bc it COULD be a genuine conversation on the insularity of the scions and their work

[girlcrushau]

[tovaicas]

I literally can't believe you do not get a one-on-one section or conversation with estinien until the VERY END OF THE GODDAMN EXPAC

[beanghostprincess]

Hi, I would like to know what you think of Dragon and Luffy?

We recently learned that Dragon did try to look after Luffy as good as he could.

The thing is I think that Dragon does care for Luffy and that it was better for Luffy to not take him with him. But that doesn´t change that he wasn´t there if you see it from Luffys view. He doesn´t hate his father but I don´t think he really cares either. Growing up he had other people he saw as family like Garp, Makino, Ace, Sabo and Shanks. I don´t think that would change when he meets Dragon, even if he learns that his father did watch over him and protected him as good as he could. It doesn´t change that he is still a stranger to Luffy.

I actually see Dragon more as Sabos father than Luffys.

What do you think about it?

The reason why I have mixed feelings toward Yasopp but I genuinely love Dragon with all of my soul and heart and body (Live Laugh Love Revs. Revolutionaries my beloveds, all my homies love revolution) is that Luffy's relationship and behavior toward his family are wayyyy different than Usopp's (comparing these two bc the stories are similar but my reaction to them isn't).

Luffy doesn't give a single fuck about biological bonds and shit, he just cares about people themselves. If he loves someone, he'll love them no matter where they come from. To him, I think, labels like "father" are just there as a statement of "ah, yeah, this dude helped create me. Cool fact" but he doesn't care at all? Like he genuinely believed he didn't have a dad until Garp told him and his reaction was pretty much "Cool" and he never even asked about his mom. The thing about Dragon and Luffy is that I do think Luffy sees him as his father because he doesn't have any reason to not do so. He doesn't have any resentment toward him and he knows he's helping people out there, living his own adventure. Perhaps people like Shanks or Makino are way more important and influential in Luffy's life, of course, and considers them more of a family than he'll ever do with Dragon, but that doesn't mean he does not see him as his dad, you know? I don't know if I'm explaining this well, but to summarize: If Luffy doesn't have a reason to reject Dragon, he'll still consider him his dad. Not emotionally, I guess, because there are people more influential in Luffy's life, but he's still there and Luffy still sees him as such. Besides, Luffy doesn't seem to have levels of importance and priority when it comes to the people he loves. If he loves you, he'll love you and protect you the same amount he does with everyone else. This guy doesn't play favorites and we know that. So I think his relationship with Dragon (from Luffy's POV) is extremely neutral and just a "Oh, cool! My dad is a rev! That's awesome" but he doesn't feel the need and excitement to see him the way he does with Shanks, for example. He doesn't reject him but he doesn't have deep feelings about him.

On the other hand, Dragon said this thing recently about kids being a parent's weakness and it broke me completely. Because he's been watching over Luffy all of this time and he loves his kid so much he keeps being so dramatic about it (that conversation with Kuma changed my life tbh). And I think he's worried about his kid's well-being, but trusts Luffy on his own adventure too. He left because he had to help the world somehow and it was just too dangerous for Luffy to come with him (for both, because it would be dangerous for a kid to be there and because it would be his only weakness if enemies found out about how much Luffy means to him, etc etc etc). And it's kind of the same way I feel about Shanks with Uta? Like he did what had to be done to protect her (even if what Shanks did is stupid but he's a moron, so nothing new).

I also see Dragon more as Sabo's dad, by the way. They make me go insane. "We can't keep a kid here something something" but dude kept the lil bastard and I love that. Sabo found a home and a family when he was completely lost and I'm so happy about it. I love them so much. Dragon cares deeply about him and Sabo loves the revolutionary army so much,, My beloveds.

Anyway, I made a post about this before but I find it really funny how Sabo would tell people about Dragon being his dad and everyone would go "???' then you are Luffy's bio brother" and he'd just go "No :)" and not explain further.

[soleilnomoon]

Hi again! Still absolutely adore your Kid fic from your last event 💜 Never got around to asking for a Sanji one, so here I am again😅 But seriously, congrats on over 550 followers!! Love seeing your blog grow, cause you’re really talented and deserve them all and legit can’t wait til you hit 1k+ 🥰

For the event order, may I please ask for a #1 with my boi Sanji, with anmitsu, konpeito, and keylime pie and with honey, please? 🥹 i hate this but need some sanji angst 😭

I also dunno if these three would work particularly well together for a prompt, so you can choose whatever! just really feeling angst and sanji rn and maybe comfort if you’d like 🥰

Thank you for all your works you’ve done so far 💜💜

hiiii omg haha i loved that fic fr (i'm obsessed w that man!!!) also ily for requesting sanji i don't write him nearly enough 🥰️ but thank you sm!! 😭 making me all soft and i am so so sorry this took forever, as u know i am so slow but!!! i had fun tormenting sanji w the angst ngl 💓💓💓💓 also those were great choices for the prompt, i wanted to write more but it would've been 8k words before i finished and who has time for that (i do, but listen... that's besides the point) ✨

2k words, fem reader (honestly gn too now that i think abt it), sfw (SHOCKING i know), 18+ mdni, a lil bit suggestive but nothing wild, angst angst angst city babey, fluff if you squint, also i gave u comfort bc u deserve it bb 💗(and sanji does too); feat. sanji being in denial forever and ever, mutual pining, fake unrequited love, reader is determined and sanji is a coward; also i made myself sad writing this but a good sad bc sanji deserves happiness and i'll fight oda if he doesn't get it i s2g... (if u see grammar mistakes/spelling errors... no u didn't 💗)

“loving each other began this way: threading / loneliness into loneliness / patiently, our hands trembling and precise.” — yehuda amichai

STEP 01:

what does it take to kill a soul? —

a question that’s posed unironically, without a hint of remorse or tact, the words precise and venomous, slicing through the thick veneer that he’s carefully crafted. he’s never been able to answer that question — not at six years old, not twelve or fifteen, and not at twenty-one. his siblings took pleasure in taunting him with seemingly philosophical questions, ones that clamped down onto his thoughts with heavy shackles.

even after he’s extracted himself from that life, he can’t scrub those memories from his mind — no matter how hard he tries. they sit, still raw and bloody, giving rise to unpleasant emotions that make his stomach churn from so many things left unsaid. he never set out to be a pirate, but piracy has given him the sort of freedom that he could only wish for as a child.

it’s with tender hands, with nimble yet graceful fingers, and with a fastidiousness that puts him in a category of his own, that he creates and creates and creates —

he’s told he’s an artist, which only pushes him to work harder, to be better. and when he asks himself why, he doesn’t have an answer. or, rather, the answer he does have only serves as a punishing reminder that he’ll never be good enough. no matter how many times his crew mates thank him — their emphatic, genuine praise a soft, warm breeze against his heart, gentle caresses that he commits to memory — despair still manages to infiltrate, a darkness choking out what little light he has left inside of him.

STEP 02:

how far are you willing to go to reach the truth? —

when you join the crew, he’s unnerved by your presence, which is wholly unlike him. usually, he’s able to put on his façade of the flirtatious cook, one that’s jovial and sociable, that lives to serve and please those around him. his first conversation with you ends in disaster; he spills the drink he tried to pour for you, despite your insistence that you are perfectly capable of pouring your own drink — and he knows it’s not out of malice, but it cuts into him all the same.

he tries again and again, bringing you little treats that you only agree to eating if he sits and eats with you; confusion eats away at his mind, and when he opens his mouth to decline, you pat the seat next to you and he acquiesces. he sits stiffly, at first, unsure of why he always feels on edge around you — an irritating need to impress you in a way he’s never wanted to for others grows stronger by the day.

you think it’s cute that he always seems flustered around you — that he stumbles over his words, refuses to hold eye contact with you for longer than thirty seconds — you also think it’s cute that the false bravado that he puts on for the world, diminishes immediately the second you come close to him. if he’s skittish, it’s because you always catch him staring at you; despite his quick reflexes, his reactions around you are slow but pure — childish, almost.

lately he’s clumsier and scatterbrained, nearly burning dinner when you decide to keep him company. you lean against the countertop, a teasing smile on your face — the same one that that caused him to bump his forehead against the cabinet door earlier — as you prattle on about a dream you had. he can barely keep up, his eyes drifting from the skillet to your face, gliding around the curve of your cheek, dipping lower in a slow descent along your neck.

he blinks repeatedly when he reaches your clavicle, stunned at his restraint; and it’s only when you call his name loudly that he realizes he’s left the heat on for too long.

“are you okay?” you ask when you see that he’s fussing over how best to save the dish, mouth moving as he quietly mutters to himself. he barely registers your voice, as an insidious one whispers harshly into his ears about his perpetual incompetence and lack of talent.

you can see that he’s retreated even further into his mind, a feat that also leaves you frustrated. you want to shake him but refrain and grab his hand instead. he snaps out of whatever stupor that held him captive just moments ago, lips parting as he sighs softly before glancing down at you.

“thank you.”

the words are quiet, but impactful, as he didn’t think he’d be able to get them out. you let go of his hand too soon, but he doesn’t say anything else, choosing to focus on cooking than embarrassing himself again in front of you.

you take his silence as a silent dismissal, but you don’t fight him on it — it’s bitter, that sort of rejection, and you swallow back your argument with great difficulty.

STEP 03:

what’s the difference between cowardice and self-preservation? —

frustration bubbles underneath his skin when he can’t find where he placed his lighter; he runs a hand through his hair and tugs on impulse, accidentally ripping a few strands from his scalp. they swirl and tumble onto the ground, pathetic in a way — just like me, but he never really says that out loud. he doesn’t hear your footsteps, although you did your best to remain as quiet as possible.

a cigarette sits in between his lips, and he has half a mind to toss it over the railing of the ship, but a warmth suddenly appears in front of him in the form of a flame. you found his lighter on the floor earlier and meant to give it to him, but every time you got closer, he found every excuse to leave. you don’t realize the impact you have on him — not really, anyway — because he’s genuinely surprised that you can’t hear the heavy beats of his heart that grow more intolerable the longer he hangs around you.

always afraid of being found out, he opts to keep his distance. it’s easier this way, he tells himself, better. but he doesn’t quite believe that; the evidence is plain as day when his tongue feels like its grown three sizes in the span of seconds, where his words get lost and forgotten. it’s all your fault, he reasons; you who insists on talking candidly with him, who insists on listening to him ramble about his dreams, who absolutely insists on stubbornly tearing down his walls, steadily chipping away without a care in the world. he looks at you as if you are the source of all his problems, but he also looks at you as if you’re the solution.

the intensity behind his stare makes your hands tremble slightly, it’s a miracle you’ve managed to keep yourself composed for this long. you light the end of his cigarette with ease, as if you’ve done this for him hundreds of times —and place the lighter into his pants pocket afterwards. if he wasn’t so used to you getting in his personal space all the time, he’d retreat immediately. the proximity is almost too much for him, but he doesn’t step back; you take that as a good sign and keep him company for a few minutes.

you don’t care for the smell of smoke, but on him it smells good. you almost tell him that, but instead bite down on your lip and keep your comment at bay, nerves getting the best of you as you nearly choke on the possibility that your feelings won’t be reciprocated.

another time, maybe. cheeks flushed, you turn your face to look elsewhere. although, you wonder if there ever will be another time. with him, you never know.

he’s still trying to figure you out and why he feels a different sort of calm around you; it’s alarming and new, drumming up an irrational fear within him. he doesn’t think he’s deserving of your attention or affection, and he’s convinced himself that you don’t harbor any romantic feelings for him. and why would you?

one by one, his thoughts pummel into him, acerbic and overwhelming. he exhales a sliver of smoke and puts the cigarette out. he gives you a quick, apologetic look before telling you goodnight, the smile on his face is melancholic and barely existent. you don’t dare say a word, keep your lips pressed together stubbornly; exasperated and dejected, you don’t know what’s worse — his inability to lower his guard around you for longer than ten minutes, or your inability to stop yourself from trying to carve pieces of yourself to give to him.

maybe if you helped him fill the gaping holes in his heart, he’d truly understand how you feel.

STEP 04:

if you had to do it all over again, would you do anything differently? —

sleep evades you after that night, and the night after that, and so forth; it gets so bad that you’re yawning in the middle of the day, falling asleep before you can have a cup of coffee or tea. this does not go unnoticed by the others, and after talking with nami, you feel less out of your element and finally can see the parts of sanji that he wants to keep hidden. her advice is simple: approach slowly and with intent; corner him and don’t let him escape.

you bide your time, full confident that you can find a moment to sit down with him and talk this all out. it doesn’t come easy, but franky mysteriously swaps sanji for the night’s watch — something that should strike you as odd, but it’s a small opening that you take without thinking as you hurriedly climb up to the crow’s nest with a renewed sort of energy.

even with his eyes closed, as he sits lazily on the bench with head tilted back against the wall, he knows it’s you.

“go back to bed,” he says firmly, refusing to look at you.

your stubbornness, unfortunately, wins out. “i’m staying.” at that he sits up, his attention completely on you as his eyes widen at your words. he wants to ask you why, but cowardice wins out — again. as his features soften, a flush crawls along his face, lightly painting his cheeks pink. he closes his eyes again, tries to steady his breathing as he counts backwards, only for his efforts to be obliterated with ease the moment you sit next to him.

as your thigh presses against his, you take his hand and on impulse you trace your fingertip along the lines on his palm. he watches you with a morbid fascination that scares him; but then you start to say things like, “you will live a very long life,” and “you are courageous, and you have a big heart.”

a small part of him wants to pull his hand away, so you won’t say anything else — but he remains put, so still that you almost think he’s stopped breathing. your voice is sweet and disarming, even when you carry on this charade of reading his palm. a belated realization hits him forcefully, making him blink several times; it dawns on him that you’ve always been so kind and gentle with him, even when you teased him. he’s spent all this time overthinking and hiding behind his past, that it never occurred to him that he could have simply let you in. you’ve never given him reason to believe that you’d betray or harm him intentionally.

he takes a deep breath, voice a little uneven, “i—”

you lean in close, adoration dripping onto your words as you interrupt him. “hey, have i told you?” the question glides along his skin, the words seeping into him as you continue, the lilt in your voice a honeyed, melodic spell. “you remind me of starlight and the mysteries of space.” your lips brush against his when you tell him that, and a warmth settles into the middle of his chest, makes it hard to focus. he doesn’t think when he curls his fingers around yours and doesn’t think when heleans down to kiss you — tender yet electrifying all the same.

the move disarms you in a way that doesn’t quite make sense to you, so you simply hum in approval and lean your head against his shoulder. a comfortable silence settles around you both, but you don’t mind that at all; it’s nice, not having to tip-toe around him anymore, and the demons that plagued him for so long don’t seem so intimidating with you by his side.

[marwritesgood]

The Smell of Smoke

Pairing: Steve x Hopper!Reader

Timeframe: Post-Season 3

Summary: Y/n spends her first Christmas without Hopper in California with El and the Byers.

series masterlist // main masterlist

A/N: this is a side-story to my Steve series, Cardigan. i recommend reading at least the first two parts of the main storyline (if you haven't already) for context before reading this!

i wanted to write more about the reader's relationship with joyce, bc i love her and love the whole dynamic between the byers and the hoppers.

November, 1983

Hopper inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring as he focused on the road. Gripping the steering wheel of his truck, he tried to settle his anger. His eldest shifted uncomfortably and glance over to him briefly. She knew it was probably best not dig herself even deeper into trouble, but she couldn't shake how he reacted.

“You were pretty rude to her,” Y/n mumbled.

Hopper scoffed and looked at her momentarily before shaking his head. Maybe he had been a bit harsh to Joyce, but what were they expecting?

“You broke into my office and stole confidential police files,” he seethed, beginning to genuinely wonder if his daughter understood the magnitude of what she had done.

“I was gonna put them back after,” she reasoned nonchalantly.

“That’s not the point, Y/n.”

She turned her head and rolled her eyes, Hopper had to count to ten in his head before saying anything further. Y/n had never caused trouble like this before. He knew her her whole life but he could hardly recognise the person she had become.

“And since when did you start hanging around the Byers?”

She hated when he did this. When he acted like he had a right to knowing every little detail about her. It might've been a month or so since he last passed out on their front porch, but nothing had changed. Not to Y/n, at least. She furrowed her brows in annoyance.

“Dad, are you serious?”

Y/n worked with Joyce at Melvald's for almost a year. Since then, she spent more time with her and her kids than she did with Hopper, though that was not saying much. In fact, it was easy considering she only ever spoke to him a couple times a week.

Hopper sighed. When it came conversations with her, he always found himself saying the wrong thing. Usually, he would go silent, but he could not bring himself to leave things as they were. If he was going to turn a blind eye to his daughter breaking and entering a police department, he had to at least understand why.

“That still doesn’t explain things,” he said sternly.

“I didn’t realize I was being interrogated."

She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes once more. Why was he choosing now to take an interest in her feelings? Why did it take breaking into his office? Hopper's frustration grew.

“Why are sticking your nose into this?”

His voice grew louder, but it didn't appear to faze her. She leaned her head back against her chair and groaned quietly. She didn’t wanna talk about it, least of all with him.

“You’re overreacting, dad.”

“Stop avoiding the question,” Hopper snapped.

“Well, stop talking to me like I’m a criminal," she hissed.

“Just tell me why, Y/n.”

“Because it’s awful!” She yelled, clenching her jaw as she finally faced him again. His expression softened. “... A-And it’s fucked up that a kid just goes missing out of nowhere, is then found dead and the little bit of family he has are treated like shit by the entire town.”

If they weren't outright ridiculing Jonathan and Joyce, they were speculating what they did or didn't do that led to Will's disappearance. While Y/n's relationship with the Byers never really went beyond her shifts at Melvald's and the handful of times she went over to their house, she knew them well enough to know they were the least bit deserving of any of it.

“You know I used to babysit Will. Sometimes even his friends too," Y/n explained.

It started off with Joyce needing an extra hand and Y/n needing some extra cash. Then, soon enough the other moms called for Y/n’s babysitting services here and there and somewhere along the lines she ended up being decently acquainted four of the sweetest, dorkiest boys in Indiana.

"They’re good kids, dad,” she sighed.

When the news of Will's disappearance broke out, Y/n couldn't keep still. Even when her dad tried to assure her he had his best people on the case, she couldn't leave it to chance.

Y/n shuddered, unable to forget the body bag they wheeled him in on. She should have done something sooner. Everyone in Hawkins should have.

"All I know is something’s not adding up,” she added. Hopper’s expression suggested maybe he had been thinking the same thing. “And Joyce isn’t the only who has a really bad feeling about all this.”

“Ok,” he sighed. “I’ll talk to Joyce tomorrow and… go over Will’s case again. But you have to promise you’re gonna keep your nose out of it from here on out.”

"I think we both know I'm not gonna do that."

"I'm not asking you, Y/n. I''m telling you."

Hopper stopped the truck outside the cabin and turned to his daughter. Maybe defying his rules was her favourite pasttime, but he could not let it slide this time.

"Fine," she muttered. "I'll keep my nose out of it."

Gritting her teeth she left the truck and trampled towards the house, with absolutely no intention of keeping to her word.

***

December, 1985

Y/n opened the locket and saw a photo of her parents holding her when she was just a few years old. She couldn’t recall ever seeing that photo before, just the negatives in one of the boxes in the cabin.

She looked up to see Joyce and El’s warm and expecting smiles. Suddenly, a lump came to Y/n’s throat.

“Well? What do you think?” 

“I-I um….” Y/n cleared her throat. She didn’t know why she was feeling this way. All she knew was that she was far too overwhelmed to bear another second in that room. “I’m sorry, can I be excused?”

Before Joyce could ask her what was wrong, Y/n stood up from the couch and sped outside. She liked that it was warm in California. It meant that she could sit on the Byers’ front doorstep without the risk of frostbite.

Y/n held her head in her hands, kicking herself for making such a fuss over nothing. She wish she was better at accepting gifts and accepting love, but after the shitshow of a year she had just had, it was hard to remember how.

“Y/n?” Joyce approached the distraught ypung girl cautiously and sat down beside her. Y/n lifted her head and faced her. The older woman frowned. “Honey, I’m so sorry… if I overstepped getting you that gift.”

“No, Joyce,” Y/n shook her head. “You did nothing wrong. It’s just…”

She licked her lips and sighed. She hated the plethora of pity parties she had been throwing for herself recently, but there was no avoiding it. Sheepishly, she met Joyce’s gaze with glossy eyes.

“I haven’t had a family Christmas like this in a really long time, and it’s been a while since I actually got a gift from someone who… who wasn’t Steve.”

Saying his name still made her wince. That scar would be excrutiatingly slow to heal, just like everything else.

“And I…” Y/n huffed defeatedly. “I guess I just didn’t know how to feel or react.”

“Oh,” Joyce frowned. Her gaze softened as she placed a hand on Y/n’s shoulder.

While she was relieved she hadn’t upset her, it pained Joyce to even begin to imagine how hard things were for Y/n, especially when she was on her own. The young girl was damn good at pulling a brave face.

“I really like the locket though. I love it, actually,” Y/n assured her. She bit her lip nervously and sat with Joyce in the silence momentarily. “Thank you for having me over for the holidays.”

“Thank you for coming,” Joyce smiled. “It’s been a rough year and it’s been nice having a familiar face around. And I know El’s been missing her big sister since the move.”

“Really?”

Tension had been lingering between Y/n and El ever since she moved with the Byers. The entire plane ride frpm Indiana to California, Y/n´s stomach was in knots thinking of how different things with El would be.

“Absolutely,” Joyce assured her.

She saw the excitement on El’s face everytime a letter from Y/n arrived, as well as the deflated expression she took when the only person she wanted to vent to was on the other side of the country.

Joyce shifted to face Y/n. Between all the shifts she worked during the holiday rush, this was the first time she truly got to sit down with Y/n alone.

“Have you been holding up ok, Y/n?”

“Yeah, I-“ Y/n started to nod her head until she saw the way Joyce was looking at her. There was no point in lying. She sighed, her shoulder slumping. “…No. I haven’t.”

She groaned and wiped her teary eyes. Joyce rubbed her shoulder gently and stayed silent. Y/n wasn’t the only who avoided talking about him.

“I just… I miss him and I wish he were here, but I also…” Y/n inhaled sharply and looked up. “I feel really really angry. I’m angry at him for being so awful and I’m... I’m angry at myself because…”

She sighed and, much to Joyce’s surprise, let out a quiet sob. Y/n then furrowed her brows and shook her head regretfully.

“I can’t believe the last thing I said to him was that I wish he had died instead of my mom and sister,” Y/n whispered.

Maybe she had a right to be angry. Maybe the years of mistreatment and the Russian truth serum were partly to blame as well. Even so, she found it easier point the blame solely towards herself.

 “And now…” Y/n let out a cry and looked down at her hands, unable to face Joyce. “Now he’s gone, and they’re still gone and all of you are in a different state and I can’t even talk to Steve anymore and I’m all alone and I…”

“Y/n,” Joyce’s voice was soft and steady, but her hand was shaking as she placed it atop Y/n’s. Finally, the young girl looked up. “Honey, nothing that happened that night was your fault.”

Her entire face froze. She didn’t realise how badly she needed to hear those words. Joyce pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly. Maybe she couldn’t fix everything that happened to Y/n, but a nice meal and good Christmas was a good place to start.

“Let’s go inside and have some food, yeah?”

Y/n nodded and followed Joyce back inside to where Will, El and Jonathan had already set up the table. She felt her worries ease as she remembered Joyce’s words, and tried not to think about how much time she had before it wore off and she was back to wallowing.

***

January, 1985

It was New Years Eve, but the Byers house was quiet. Jonathan was out with Argyle, while Will and Joyce were fast asleep in their rooms. Y/n took the tub of ice cream she had bought earlier out from the freezer and grabbed two spoons from the kitchen drawer.

She reached El’s bedroom door and noticed the three inch gap. Her heart sank. She shouldn’t have waited so long to do this. Y/n knocked once on the door and then peeked her head in.

“Hey,” she said softly, smiling when she saw El turn around from her desk. Y/n knew she was still up. She held out the tub and the two spoons with a playful smile. “You wanna share?”

Instantly, El grinned and sat down on the bed with Y/n. The two of them at began eating the ice cream in silence. For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed. Like they were back in Y/n’s room. Like they were back together in Hawkins.

El nervously glanced up at her sister.

“Y/n,” she said quietly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” the older girl replied.

Y/n watched curiously as El bit ler lip and looked away momentarily. When she finally looked bacj at her older sister, she couldn’t stop the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked. “Because I didn’t stay in Hawkins with you?”

The older girl almost choked on her ice cream.

“Wh- No! Of course I’m not-“

El tilted her head raised her brows, making an expression Y/n was famous for making countless times in the past. The older girl sighed.

“Ok, I guess I was a little bit in the beginning. But, now I get why you chose to come here,” Y/n admitted. “I think I wasn’t really angry, but just really sad that we were gonna be separated. It was like I was losing you too.”

The two of them frowned. El hadn’t considered Y/n would feel that way.

“But… there’s no way I could have looked after you the way Joyce has,” Y/n stated honestly.

El needed the normalcy and stability of going to school in California with Will and having family dinners and breakfast. Y/n would have never been able to give her that, no matter how badly she wanted her to stay.

“Even though it sucks being away from you, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone.”

At first the polaroids El sent with letters of them together left Y/n with a bitter after taste. But quickly enough, she learned to get over her ego and relish in the fact that El was surrounded by a family that loved her as their own.

“Is that how you feel?” El asked worriedly. “…Alone?”

“I don’t know, maybe a little,” Y/n mumbled. She noticed the concern in El’s expression and immediately shook her head and smiled weakly. “But, look… don’t worry about me. I’ll figure things out.”

The room went quiet. El scooped one last spoonful of ice cream before letting out a sigh.

“…I miss him.”

They reached the bottom of the ice cream tub, which only added to their sadness. El opted to lie down on the bed and Y/n followed suit. They stared at the ceiling and frowned.

“It’s hard to talk about him when you’re not here,” El explained. “Joyce is nice, but… it’s not the same.”

Y/n knew the funny things Hoppers did when it was just the three of them. Y/n was there when El slammed the door in his face for the first time because he refused to let her leave the cabin. Y/n was the one person she could vent to about anything and everything.

To Y/n, El could say nothing at all and still feel understood. There was no one like her.

“I know,” Y/n sighed. “I used to talk about him sometimes with Steve and Nancy, but… no one at home really understands how I feel.”

That wasn’t necessarily the worst part. The worst part was how hard they often tried to understand. With El, Y/n could vent to her heart’content and El would simply do the only thing Y/n wanted: she’d listen quietly and eat ice cream with her.

“No one here understands me at all,” El whispered.

Y/n frowned. She hated being apart from El, especially since it meant not being able to do anything to fix or change things. She reached out for her little hand and, instead, decided to take a page out of her book. Maybe they lived in different states now, but her flight home wasn’t for another week.

Y/n turned her head to El.

“I’m here.”

El let out a breath and smiled. She had so much to tell her.

***

March, 1986

Y/n handed Mike the envelope and the round tin container of baked goods.

“Ok, so the letter is for El but the oatmeal cookies are for Joyce,” she explained.

“Ok, got it,” Mike nodded.

Y/n noticed how his hands trembled. She placed her hand on his shoulder gently and smiled.

“Are you nervous?”

Mike shot his head up and felt his cheeks flush. He had been looking forward to spring break in California for so long, but now that his flight was only a few hours away, he felt anxiously restless.

“A little, yeah,” he aswered sheepishly.

“Why?” Y/n asked softly. “She’s been dying to see you, I’m sure you’ll have a great time.”

“Has she… said anything about me to you? You know, in her letters or when you went to see her.”

Y/n took her hand of his shoulder and walked around the counter. El told her a lot of things about Mike, but her lips were sealed.

“You know I can’t tell you, Mike.”

“Oh c’mon, why not?”

“Because,” Y/n began, donning a serious tone. “I’m bound to confidentiality by the most sacred of all oaths.”

Mike narrowed his eyes at her. She couldn’t be serious.

“Sisters don’t tell secrets is not a sacred oath, Y/n.”

“Oh, like you would know,” Y/n retorted.

Mike huffed when Y/n stood in front of him. She closed her eyes briefly and tried to ignore her pounding headache for just a few more seconds.

“Have a safe flight and say hi to her for me, ok?” Y/n asked softly as she pulled him in for a brief hug. “… Her and Joyce!”

Mike put the letter in his backpack before turning around and heading for the door. Maybe he would have to find out for himself what was going on with his girlfriend.

“I will,” he responded as he waved goodbye and left the video store. As the front door slammed shut, Y/n felt the pounding in her head return, only this time it was ten times worse.

***

i do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, translated, or reposted onto another site.

cardigan series taglist:

@littlepadfootmoony @geeksareunique @agustdeeyaa @ilovetaylorswift1 @babygirlwilly @rqmanoff @midnightsgetawaycar

[cosmo-clown]

BAHAHA we legit had one conversation and then I find out you're a dust fanatic and whoo, I hope you don't mind asks bc if you ever want a ramble buddy, I'm here

I love dusttale so much, I spent a good while on ask-dusttale's blog and there's so many interesting tidbits there like I want to gush so bad but I'm always shy to post writings on my blog *uhm clearing throat* ok byee

MY ASK BOX IS OPEN FOR ALL THE REASONS EVER DW DW I ALSO WANT TO SCREAM INTO THE HEAVENS OF ALL THE SILLY PEOPLE

i love dust so much he’s such a silly character ask dusttale is soooo fun to scroll through, he’s genuinely such a silly softie who’s just been dealt the WORST hand in life possible. i feel like he’s very justified in what he’s done and deserves to be able to forgive himself i kindaa wrote about this in my flower!dust concept

BUT LIKE HE’S SO. HE NEVER ENJOYED THE KILLINGS he finds it relieving because he’s regaining control over his life again after so many resets of being ruthlessly murdered by the human, this is HIS way of breaking free

and its really sad he deserves love despite how strongly he believes he deserves nothing but to rot in his own timeline,, i feel for him very hard and i think he deserves happiness

…

i realize this was not even remotely question i read the word “ramble” and said YES PLEASE but um those are some of the things i constantly think of as well as how horrible his hallucinations can get and the process of killing all his friends and family (and i could go on about all of those but i think i’d be here all day and this post is getting long)

so in short: YAY NEW HYPERFIXATE FRIEND!! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ASK ME ANYTHING AND THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE :]

[demadogs]

heyy what are your thoughts on Mike's monologue? Do you think he was being honest or it was a half truth or something? I'm really curious abt what you think bc honestly I'm not sure myself

this might be long i havent dove into this scene in a while.

the short answer is i think it was a mix of some sad truths disguised as romance, things he believes she wants to hear (but is completely wrong), and just straight up lies. but the biggest thing is that what he thought she wanted to hear was what will told him in the van, unaware that those were wills feelings not els.

but before i even talk about it lets just LOOK at the scene. this is what every other romantic scene in the show has looked like:

and this was allegedly mike and el’s “most romantic scene”.

they are not happy here. this was right before mike said he loves her and right after. one of the biggest differences in this scene compared to the other ships is the fact that both of them we’re forced into this conversation. mike was NOT going to say any of this. will had to push him to continue. meanwhile el is physically restrained from responding to him. she was forced to listen to him and mike felt like he was forced to say it.

anyways now im gonna analyze the actual content of the monologue:

sad truths disguised as romance:

“i dont know how to live without you”

i think this is true and it could be a romantic line but it could also be really sad. it reminds me of when finn (or millie i dont remember) said that they were like a married couple with no option of divorce. i think what mike really meant by this is that hes scared to confront who he really is without el. he actually already did confront this version of himself after she and will moved. i think when he was without either of them he realized his true feelings and hated it and he just wants to go back to who he was before he figured it out.

“i feel like my life started that day i found you in the woods”

im not as confident in this one but it could honestly be extremely sad when looked at from a different lens. it was the first night after will went missing. it was the first time things in his life got weird and unexplainable. losing will and finding el is what led to all the supernatural trauma theyve been through. i dont think mike associates el with trauma but that night in the woods did change all of their lives forever and nothing has been normal since that night. when mike told will asking him to be his friend was the best thing hes ever done, thats said in a way that could not be interpreted any other way, especially not in any negative way. this can. (that being said im not negating how much mike genuinely does care about her and im not saying he wishes he never found her or anything like that).

then it gets so complicated because the only way mike knew how to reach her was through everything will said to him in the van, not knowing that everything will said was referring to HIS feelings, not els.

what mike thinks she wants to hear (based on what will said):

mike tells el “im afraid that one day you wont need me anymore” directly referring to when will told him that she (he) will always need him and then we see this shot.

a lot of people interpret this clip as will just being sad that mike loves her but i think here he might actually be realizing that mikes using his own feelings unknowingly to reach her and he feels guilty about it.

will also told mike that “you make her feel like shes not a mistake at all, like shes better for being different and that gives her the courage to fight on” which actually is not the case for el AT ALL. that was the entire reason for their fight in volume one. el told him “i am different i do not belong” and that he thinks shes a monster and thats why she doesnt love him. she doesnt wanna be loved for being different. but will made mike think she does. these are els reactions to when he brings up her powers:

“youre my superhero”

“you can move mountains, you can fly”

during the whole monologue shes crying but both times he brings up her powers she stops and just looks mad. she looks like she just realized something and shes not happy about it.

i think will completely unintentionally made mlvn so much worse with his veiled confession in the van.

just straight up lies:

“and i knew right then and there that i loved you” (referring to the very first moment he saw her in the woods.)

this is the biggest lie of the whole monologue and i dont always like to bring in social media and marketing to my analyses but when i watched this for the first time, the SECOND he said this i immediately thought of this tweet:

we also have proof in the show itself that he didnt feel this way. he brings her home because he just found a lost girl in the woods in the pouring rain. and then he and lucas and dustin immediately come up with a plan on how to get her back to wherever she came from so that the next day they can go back outside and find will.

“i love you on your bad days”

immediately debunked. mikes a fucking BITCH on her bad days. even will thinks so.

“i love you for exactly who you are”

he doesnt even talk about who she is??? at the beginning of the season we had that whole scene of nancy and jonathan talking about all the reasons they love each other and what does mike love about el? that shes a superhero?

and THEN after the monologue is over its not even mike who gives her the courage to fight on! ITS MAX!!! el doesnt have the power to move the vines until she sees max in trouble. and then later when shes reviving her and theres flashbacks of their moments together, specifically when she says “theres more to life than stupid boys” and “not hopper, not mike, you.” thats huge.

continuing with post-monologue volume 2, its so beyond weird that we dont see el speak a WORD to him after this enter speech. not even just after that speech, after she almost died.

if mlvn was meant to be why didnt they have a moment like this after she woke up? we dont even see her wake up. we dont even see them for two days!!!!

anyways that was a lot. i hope it all made sense. i think the purpose of the whole monologue was to show that even after mike says what she wanted to hear, shes still not happy with him. shes realized that that she is her own person and her own superhero. the duffers just made it excruciatingly complicated and i hope they do a good job explaining this scene in s5.

[cartoonrival]

Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

[vacantgodling]

OC ask game: 2, 3, 8, 9 for amon!

thank you!!!

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

the answer is yes but does he want to is the question. he’s technically done all of these before. of all of these, the one he’d want to do the most is take care of a child surprisingly; he’s an introverted-extrovert and he does love how children’s minds work esp if they aren’t fucked up like how his was. helps him relive being a kid (or what could’ve been). he’s not overly attached to plants or animals but he wouldn’t purposefully neglect them

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

i’m gonna recycle this answer i wrote long ago bc it’s too good not to have everyone be aware of it’s existence:

“There’s two sides of a person that you’ll notice when you first meet Hyacinthus Shrapnel. The first is the faux lord; he’s beautiful—blessed by the gods, some would say, with his dark eyes and hair, long lashes and full lips; stunning physique accentuated with robes fit for a king. No, no one would blame you for taking a liking to him just on appearance alone. Then there are his internal attributes, which are… less so. I’d call this side of him the “animal.” He’s crass, he’s arrogant, vain beyond measure, and the most genuinely obtuse person you could ever attempt to converse with. He’s bullheaded—there’s no other way to put it. Yet… There’s a third side of Hyacinthus Shrapnel that most never get a chance to see. Not the lord he tries to be, or the caged animal he’s been trained to be… But the man. Hya, the man, feels too many things, so he tries to feel nothing at all. Hya, the man, is so desperate for affection that he denies himself of it—lest he break under the pressure of it. Hya, the man, is so infinitely fascinating and complex that I could spend my entire life trying to understand him, and explore every nook and cranny of his brain until I know it like the back of my own hand. And, I intend to.”

8. Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?

he would be extremely annoyed by them 💀 he’s not particularly patient enough to sit through trying to solve something like that for no real reward lol

9. Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)?

not really no, but it’s not in a negative way it’s just more neutral. he doesn’t place the same value on non sentient things as sentient ones but that doesn’t mean he’s gonna treat it badly ya feel?

[sanriopropaganda]

vent under the cut

ive had two best friends in my life, one from elementary to high school who moved away when we were 14 and we grew apart, and the other i met in my freshman year of college who dropped me for a romantic partner. i haven’t been able to find anyone since.

i have close friends, i even have people i might consider some of my best friends, but those people have their own best friend, and it’s not me. im not apart of a friend group, i mostly just bounce around from hangout to hangout. i interact with people a lot! im friends with a good number of people! i just. don’t have that one person that everyone else seems to.

i thought i had found a good group of girls that could maybe be a friend group since i don’t have one since moving back home. they were already friends, and i met them through a mutual friend that was also fairly new to the group. i was just scrolling on instagram today and i saw that there was a birthday party i wasn’t invited to that i just. had to find out through social media had happened. even the newer person was invited.

and maybe i had overinflated my position, or maybe i saw or felt something that wasn’t mutual, but after being invited to other gatherings and parties with the full group, it hurt! and then i started thinking about how they dont really talk to me outside of those hangouts. and there was a group chat they forgot to add me to (whether or not it was purposeful or not i don’t know). i thought maybe we would talk more as time went on, and ive tried to initiate those conversations, but. it’s never worked out.

and ik no one is obligated to hang out with me, ik no one is obligated to invite me to anything, especially since we haven’t known each other for a full year. but it just sucks bc like. im never anyone’s person. im no one’s best friend. people aren’t really jumping at the chance to be with me. i feel like the same lonely kid i always have been.

and it also just feels like. all for nothing? ive done so much work. i try really hard to be someone people like. i think im personable and nice and funny and people say i come off as confident. i dress nicely, i try to talk to people, i try to be supportive and there for others when they need to vent. ive changed so much. im no longer that shy awkward teen i once was, and thats great! i have my moments bc of social anxiety, but i have done a lot to be someone that people want to be around. and of course i have my flaws and things i try to work on but. it all just feels like it’s for nothing. bc im still that kid that doesn’t have a lunch table to sit at. and i feel like im letting myself down.

but even then i feel like it’s all fake. i don’t know where the real me ends and the mask begins. how much of me being a good person is me? how much of it is what i think other people want to see? i don’t know! but sometimes i think. that mask may slip, and i say something weird, or im a little too loud, or i get too excited and i talk too much, or i get too comfortable and i think someone may like me for me! and they don’t.

and ik the reaction to that may be “well you need to know yourself before you can be loved”. i don’t know if that’s ever going to happen! i truly don’t! ive been mentally ill and lonely my whole life. and they just. feed into each other. idk how to separate the loneliness from myself, I don’t know what it means to not feel like this. but does that mean i don’t deserve to love and be loved? aren’t there other people who have found connections and joy and love while being like me? what is it about me that is so repugnant? i try really hard, i genuinely do, i go to therapy and i only sometimes take my meds but i am genuinely really trying and i dont know why im not getting anywhere. but i want to be better, i really do! even with the depression, and the anxiety, and the bpd, i really do try.

i just want to be someone people genuinely truly like and want to be around. i want to meet people and have them think “wow i want to be her friend”. i want to not get dropped for other people. i want to be someone’s first choice. but im not. i want to have a group of people, and even just one, that i think of and who thinks of me when those silly memes of “me and the girls” pop up.

and sometimes i wonder if im just destined to be alone. it really sucks, but i wish some cosmic entiry or god or something would tell me that that’s just the way i am. and that i should just stop trying bc it’ll never matter anyway. it would make it hurt less. but there is no cosmic entity and there is no god and there is no here’s the life ive always dreamed of i will make it mine. it’s just being alone.

so im stuck. trying and failing and wondering what’s wrong with me. maybe im really not as great at being a person as i thought. maybe i am still just ugly and weird and it eventually shows. but i keep trying because thats all i know how to do. until the cosmic entity or god or whoever shows up and tells me to stop.

i really just want to run away a lot of the time. if i moved to some new city far away then i still wouldn’t have friends but i would have an excuse! but i can’t bc i don’t know how and im scared. im really scared that nothing will ever change and ill die alone. probably by my own hand if it gets much worse. but im scared of that too.

[cruelsister-moved2]

Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….

And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 

Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(

hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.

the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.

and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?

and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.

one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.

the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀

9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly

[savethevamps]

yeah boeing is honestly such a useless character. I really don't get all the "omg he's so messyyyy I love him" takes bc he hasn't really added anything to the show. It's obvious he was meant to cause drama but what has he done really? He manipulated mew for like half an episode but in the end now topmew are back together and stronger than ever lol. and I'm sure people will say "he was the last obstacle they needed" but he wasn't at all it was just unnecessary drama that ruined mew's character development. and with sandray it's obvious nothing is gonna come from it especially with it being the last episode. like what is he even gonna do that anyone is gonna care about? they either should've added him sooner OR come up with plotlines that didn't revolve around cheap drama but that's just my opinion.

I completely agree. Now with why people like him lol I think it’s because they thought he was only gonna fuck with Topmew. With the post I made yesterday, it was mostly just a vent but I actually do wish they would’ve done more with his character. I could understand him coming in to test the relationships but he’s doing it in the worst way by being this evil villain type of guy.

You’re so right about him ruining Mew’s development as well, they had him take so many steps backwards with that entire revenge plot thing. Like in what way are we supposed to believe Mew wants to do this again, when he literally just tried it and obviously didn’t like it? He says to Ray that he still loves Top and admits that he was just using him, and even apologized for it so why are we now supposed to believe he’d do it again? It took away from the progress that he’d made already and I can’t stand that cause Mew is such a good character.

There was a way they could’ve used Boeing for Topmew but they didn’t do that and it sucks. I would’ve loved if he was a genuine friend to Top and he could’ve given us more insight into how Top is. He could’ve given Mew advice and his perspective on everything and that would’ve worked better. I actually wanted him to bring up his relationship with Top and have a conversation with Mew about it yknow? Would’ve been super interesting to see.

There’s also a way they can use him with Sandray as well but I know they’re not gonna do it because they’ve watered him down to a cartoon villain who may as well start stroking his invisible mustache instead of pushing up his glasses. Ahem anyway…. I wanted him to come in and give Sand some closure, as well as some perspective about things. Like I wanted him to truly ask Sand about how he feels just in general and finally get Sand talking about something other than Ray and Ray’s feelings and issues.

Idk I just would’ve liked him to come in as someone who is neutral to the relationships between the couples, and offer them an objective (for the most part) listening ear where he can help them strengthen their relationships. I just don’t like this weird approach they’ve taken to this character, and he could’ve been introduced at any time to be honest as long as they had him do something even a little bit interesting.

Anyway anonie, thanks for the ask <3

[shrikebrother]

I know u are 17 and so things are just gonna be hard to navigate for a while. but I think a lot of ppls issues is that incest is extremely prevalent, and more ppl are victims of incest than u might think. and u seem to have a very cavalier attitude towards it and that the idea that anyone could be upset or put off or frustrated about ur attitude towards it makes them the one in the wrong. just food 4 thought. I think ppl r going to have a very adverse reaction 2 seeing some1 sexualize and romanticize one of the most heinous forms of abuse.

there’s no issue w ppl being upset by it, which is exactly why i’ve make it clear in my info that i post about it quite often & why i don’t bring it up anywhere outside of tumblr or in places where it’s expected. anyone has a right to softblock or unfollow or anything like that, i have nothing against them & id completely understand . if this is referring to like, the server stuff, i’ve never spoken abt incest on there & ppl saying that i have have either misinterpreted my words or are intentionally making them seem like i’ve said something i haven’t

that being said, i agree i’ve been careless about how i’ve spoken about it on this blog before & i genuinely apologize. if i have ever come across like i think the ppl who are uncomfortable with what i talk abt or the way i talk abt it are stupid, i promise it wasn’t intentional and i have never felt that way abt anybody

the only time i can remember speaking that way is during the server incident, but like i said , incest was never mentioned there & if they had actually tried to talk to me abt something i had done wrong i would have no problem w that & i would listen. but that just isnt what happened . they immediately accused me of several things without letting me explain or defend myself & were actively trying to make me seem like a child predator. they had only started wanting to be civil after i had left the server & made it seem like i was the one antagonizing them first when that absolutely isnt the case at all . i got panicked & overwhelmed by all of this so i lashed out in my posts abt them, but in no way did i mean to make it seem like anyone who is frustrated or made uncomfortable by my attitude on this blog is in the wrong. i’ve been in private conversation w one of the main ppl involved & they agreed that the way they handled the situation was horrible & apologized for it

i hope none of this response seems angry bc i get where ur coming from , i just felt maybe i should clear some stuff up . i really am sorry to anyone who i might have hurt by talking insensitively abt those topics. that’s something i should fix & i’m going to try my best to keep myself better in check in the future

[faithfromanewperspective]

inside scoop most people in ministry go into it bc they’re kinda mentally ill and looking for something to fill their days with the kind of purpose that really makes you feel something and connecting with other people and feeling important (not to negate the genuine feeling of care for people and the genuine practical caring that is often done by many). I’m no different, though I was young and underqualified and still so easily traumatised when I started. and I’ve been trying for all this time to do better than the others, better than those who hurt people (necessary) or don’t take care of themselves properly or get unhinged about something really niche and

why? it’s a lot of pressure to be perfect if I’m going to think like that. yes I’m secondarily traumatised by what I’ve seen a lot of people go through that I wasn’t yet equipped to intercede in but if I really think I can do everything so much better and help so many more people til the point I end up doing nothing isn’t it better to just do something? as long as it’s not causing harm, hurting people in the name of God. I care too much to just sit here on my ass bitching and praying and feeling hopeless and maybe I’m not well enough to be guiding anyone but I quit ministry and what did I do almost immediately? create that tumblr blog conceived in a daydream of my 15yo self where I’ve had a bunch of good conversations about religion of all kinds? including in relation to the weirdest things like fandoms.

im gonna go out on a limb and say denominations for a lot of history were born by people wanting to be perfect and do better than Those People. but damn it like you just showed God to someone what the fuck? who cares if you got this little thing wrong maybe that’s the take that person needed did you think of that? and I know there are big things we do disagree on. I don’t know how I could work with someone who believes in preserving privilege of any kinds be it economic or racial or sexuality or gender but I know that next time I do im not gonna hide all scared im just gonna politely disagree and whatever happens happens? I can’t save them from themselves but when I leave I can be a connection to get out and find better for other people there. but you can see how the attitude of this person, never wanting to be wrong like Those People (who aren’t wrong but different) could easily become the attitude I take towards them? they’re just scared of the unknown deep down and aren’t we all? like yes, some people cause harm and I’ve seen it, I’ve seen so much. but those who cause harm aren’t some nasty Other. they’re just someone who shouldn’t have ever had the power they have and they played with it in a way that the sharp edges pointed outwards.

I don’t know anyone who’s thought as much as I have about how to decolonise christianity especially in a 21st century context. I don’t know anyone who can guide without taking authority on issues I’ve been convicted not to take authority on (bar a small handful of people who do it in different ways) like me either. I know a few people who come from an environmental stewardship background and wanted a field that offers people hope and hopes it’ll provide them a satisfaction that negates their need to exploit the earth en masse and I agree we need spirituality for that but I know no one who’s taken it to think about the design of our cities and communities, with the very people we’re meeting the physical needs of and offering a path to spirituality for, like I have.

and so I think I’m going to be a little more confident in myself and everything I’ve worked for for so long but damn do I need to get a lot of help that’s going to be quite difficult to afford. and it’s quite dramatic now since my nervous system is in a state of reminding me of every unmet need and trauma ever but I do seem to have this need to just connect. on an equal level and a deep one as we share wisdom, as I accidentally psychoanalyse and hopefully be humble about it (I do think I’m getting there, I do think I’ve learned how to respect autonomy and the like while also trusting my own noticing and getting a vibe of when it’s welcomed to be said aloud and in what contexts) and scope out places of safety to share my story, I seem to need to do this. to stay in this plane of existence that’s a bit deeper than your average 9-5 job for more hours a week than I do.

so what do I do about it? logistically I don’t know but I’m incredibly creative at coming up with solutions, I know that. and I can pray and I can find acceptance in the now and in the uncertainty and I can hold at a distance all those scared people all around me who seem to need (or at least don’t know it’s an option to go broader than) a much more narrow worldview, that I for many years would force myself to let make me question what I see all around me and experience through the people I connect with. they’re just scared. they’re not scary when they’re scared. I’m not an impostor but I am unique and traumatised and talented and so many things and I have something to bring to the table because of it. I have big dreams of meeting the needs of people and I’m good at having the right connections to figure out how to do so. that’s all it is isn’t it?

[satans-codpiece]

Okay so I proved myself wrong, about me saying I'm dropping everything I'm doing to read your stuff. I found out about Eleven Years Chpt. 5 in the morning and had to go to work RIP. Needless to say I was very distracted and as soon as I got home I got ON IT-

Bit of a shame for my wireplay obsessed ass you didn't go a bit harder on that but GOd it was still hell of a ride. Reader getting handsy after the fucking and Ram not handling it well™ was.... oooooof. I'm so normal-

I guess since I got on the EY hype train, mind if I just, go nuts a little more??? I could be biased here cuz Ramram, but HOW did you actually, genuinely make me feel sad for the captor in a Stockholm syndrome scenario????? HELLO???? What wizardry did you pull to do that??????? Like yeah Ram kidnapped reader and is lowkey torturing them without fully realizing it, but he's so awfully genuine with everything else????????????

And just. Okay slightly late to the party but in chpt. 4, the conversation about Ram being afraid of touch both to not accidentally harm reader AND the reputation of his model is just....... When I read that, my reaction could only be described as going absolutely fucking feral. Bro do not EVER worry about characterization again because jeSUS CHRIST-

I actually ended up showing that set of paragraphs to a friend that isn't in this fandom much (likes a different hero a whole lot and is loosely aware of everyone else, kind of like me actually lol) aaaaand their reaction was pretty much the same as mine-

And to not ignore what you replied with my last anon ask bc lordy I'd feel bad: ... I mean.... if you wanna build up to a big piv scene.... *glosses over your WIP list* I can see Hanakaki going there pretty easily, without all the painful emotional mindfuckery that comes with kidnapping...

LMAO I feel like Blizz employees (the creative art-related team, to be more accurate) are not really allowed to interact with fandom so their ideas don't get influenced by fanon and therefore the company does not get accused of stealing ideas or whatever. BUT, here's a funny idea... since these people write fanfiction that is actually canon... Can you imagine someone writing out their dirtiest fantasies and said writing having to be actually archived at Blizz because intellectual property LOOOOOL-

soBBING THAN K YOU this was such a delight to open my inbox to!!!

hehehe for what it's worth, if I do end up writing the prequel there will be a bigger focus on wireplay (given that it's before he's made any modifications to himself) :3c

but ah I'm so glad you sympathized with Ramattra because that's exactly what I wanted!! He's done something awful- is doing something awful- but he's doing it because he loves you so much. Everything he's done, he's done because he's had a hard life and you were one of so few good things he's had. I really wanted the reader (ie the real people not the stand in character) to have... complicated feelings about this version of Ramattra.

and ;_; thank you... being OOC is truly just my nightmare of writing, I need my blorbos to be perfectly canon-aligned (or explicitly AU'd) or I'll die.

but in particular fjdshg yes! When Ramattra was actually striving for peace, he had to work against such heavy biases against him simply because of his model (both the vendor in Nepal and Nameless make comments on him being an r-7000 as soon as he meets them), so he must be acutely aware that he is treated differently than other omnics.

HAHAHA it's SO funny of all my WIPs you mention hanahaki... because 1) Hanahaki is actually like 4 paragraphs from being done and 2) there isn't a shred of nsfw in it! I wrote it just to write some angsty pre-relationship stuff, but ultimately just is emotional porn, nothing physical.

Ah that's probably to some degree true! I'd love to see someone working w Blizz just. sit on all their nsfw fics and works until they quit and be like. 'haha yeah i JUST made all these. definitely not under contract w Blizz dont worry about it :>' [piles of concept Ramattra porn fall out of their jacket]

[chrysanthemumpink]

Idk, I just feel like he's not moving forward. And when we used to argue, id wonder if we could just get through it with love or whatever. But now, I don't know if there's even enough to get through. It feels like I'm slowly out growing him. Which is way worse than falling out of love with him.

Like we had this conversation about a "million dollar home." And maybe he thought we were just joking and maybe we were. But after some superficial google researchers, if we both made 6 figures, it would be possible. Nothing too crazy. I make 100,000k and he does too, we can have/own this thing. Between the two of us, there's literally 7 professional degrees. It's hard, really hard, but not impossible.

But he's barely done anything. To be perfectly honest, he hasn't grown much since the first day we met. That was 6 years ago. And I'm not saying, I've done a lot. But I'm not at square one anymore. Ever since that conversation, I've been working towards a relatively stable future.

And he's not lazy. He's really not. He doesn't do anything that makes him unhappy or uncomfortable. He prioritizes what makes him happy in the moment, never long term. And it's almost like he's incapable of invisioning something and actually working towards it.

I don't bring it up because that's the exact thing he's very very self conscious about. Like he says he hates Instagram because it makes him very jealous and resentful. He feels like he hasn't accomplished anything. He's 35.

And I think he does genuinely want more for himself. But won't do anything that will make him grow bc he keeps landing in things that keep him comfortable in one place. I've watched him turn down jobs and not seek opportunities because he doesn't like them. But he doesn't even try. He might like it if he did

Off topic, but there were times, maybe a year ago when there'd just be messages and pictures from girls. But these girls were like 21-25. Just reflecting on things, I guess, but I know 35 year old women his age would never give him the time of day. Heck, I'm 27. And I'm getting to my wits end.

And I have tried. I have tried to make him interrogate why he's willing to even entertain girls that young. Like the fact that you can have conversations with these people in their early 20s is a huge problem.

Then theres other times when he says he keeps me around because it's getting harder and harder to find a woman with no kids.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. But he took this job overseas, without telling anyone. And yes, it's an amazing opportunity and yes it's fun to travel. But it's not an excuse to do yet another thing that absolves him from any responsibility. And it sure doesn't pay any kind of salary

There is no nice way to say this. But I wish he'd get a job. And actually do the things that wouldn't leave him jealous of his friends Instagram posts. Money isn't everything. It really isn't. And this isn't about money at all. It's just that he's living life as if he were a college student. We met as grad students so I lived the same way too. But when Im with him, its like we're still college kids.

And I don't want to be a college student anymore. I want a grown up. And I want a grown up partner.

There's just genuinely no way to bring that up nicely or while avoiding the insecurities that already exist. But if we break up and he dates another 23 year old, I can't say I didn't warn him