#and now every time i re-read it i can't help but cry again

[whitepeachrum]

The Finale

Fandom: Hetalia (personified) Pairing: Arthur x Kat (EngUkr/UkrEng) Content Length: Short (~1400 words) Trigger Warnings: Implied Dying, Terminal Lucidity

“Sir, your wife is up.”

“She’s what?” Arthur frowned, not hearing the nurse all that well.

“She’s awake now.”

“Oh, well then I should go see her.” He hurriedly put the newspaper down, propped himself up with the help of his walker, and slowly made his way to see Kat. His shaky hand knocked on the door twice.

“Are you decent, my love?”

“Arthur, is that you?”

Not hearing what she said, Arthur pushed the door open and made his way into the room. After all, she was his wife and he had every right to see her whenever he wanted. He walked in and looked immediately at Kat who was tidying up the room. His face brightened at the sight of his lovely wife, but his eyes held a somberness.

“My love, how are you feeling?” He sniffed.

“I feel so much better, my dear. It looks like I just needed some rest.”

“Needed what?” He asked, not hearing the last of her response. Kat carefully shuffled over to Arthur and gave him a sweet kiss. Arthur grunted contently.

“You look beautiful today,” he said, looking at her beaming face.

“And you look so handsome in your vest.” Kat brushed off some of the dandruff on his shoulder and straightened out his knitwear. “Is this new?”

“No, Matthew sent it to me. He made it a while ago.” He made it while you were asleep.

“Oh, it looks great on you.”

Arthur looked around the room and noticed that the room was somehow cleaner than before and that the bed was made. It's been a while since he's seen the top of the bed flattened out so neatly.

“You cleaned?”

“Yes, Alfred is visiting us today.”

“Who?” Arthur leaned in a bit to hear her better.

“Alfred, your brother.”

“Ah. Is it Wednesday already? I thought today was Monday.”

“I don’t know, but he’s coming today.”

“What time will he be here?” Arthur walked closer to her dresser and parked his walker there. “Gah, stupid wheels.”

“Here, I’m coming to help you.” Kat shuffled over with her bad hip and helped him reposition the walker so he could sit closer to the bed.

“Sit down with me, my dear.”

“I think I'll stand for a bit. You know how my hip is.”

“Well, suit yourself.” Arthur locked the device with a frown and, with the support of the dresser, walked over to the record player on the other side. He turned the music on full blast and gently nodded along as the familiar notes he’d heard for the last 65 years mildly hummed in his ears.

Arthur shuffled back over to his walker a bit less grounchy now and carefully lowered himself into the seat, grunting from the effort. Kat changed her mind about standing and sat beside him on the bed, tapping her feet to the rhythm of the melody. Kat enjoyed being by Arthur's side, especially on such a beautiful morning. She put her hand in Arthur’s and stroked it with her thumb.

“Oh, I like this song.”

“What was that?” Arthur turned to her with a raised eyebrow.

“I like this song,” she repeated louder for him.

“Oh,” Arthur chuckled, “I knew you would.”

Kat hummed happily as she listened to the song they had their first dance to. Arthur was adamant about playing this song at their wedding as it was the song he heard when he first met Kat. It was the only song he had ever danced to and lately, the only song he wanted to listen to. Kat didn’t mind as it brought back wonderful memories they shared over the decades. 

Arthur grunted suddenly, carefully pushed himself off the walker, and took small steps to face Kat. He held out his hands to her and asked her to dance with him.

“You haven’t asked me to dance in so long. I thought you’ve forgotten already.” Kat gently placed her hands in his and they walked to the middle of the room where there was plenty of space for them to slow dance together.

Arthur gave Kat’s hands a somewhat dry, but tender, kiss and brought her close to slow dance with her. They didn’t really care for the music or following any beats, but just the natural rhythm of their bodies. Kat rested her head on Arthur’s shoulder as his lip quivered and he gasped quietly to himself. If only she knew how much he'd wanted to dance with her all these months.

Ever since Kat was bedridden, she hasn't been able to even recognize Arthur. But today, she was moving around with energy and excitement as if she was her old self again. And Arthur knew what that meant. So, just for today, he wanted to share one last dance together. They haven’t danced in years but it always felt like their first time.

“This is so nice, honey.” She said as he tried his hardest to hide his tears from her. When the song ended, Kat lifted her head and acknowledged his teary face. “What’s the matter? I’ve never seen you cry. Is it too stuffy in here? I could open the window and let some fresh air in.”

“I just love you so much. That’s all.”

Kat gave him a warm smile and gently wiped his tears off his cheeks. “Oh, that’s just the sweetest. I love you, too.”

“Don’t tell Alfred I cried.” Arthur immediately frowned at the thought of his brother repeatedly taunting him for crying.

“I promise I won’t.” She hugged him close and continued to move to her own rhythm. Arthur’s eyebrows furrowed and he held onto Kat tightly. He wasn’t ready to let her go. Not now, not ever.

He wiped his eyes with his shaky hands and kissed her gray hair, basking in her natural scent for as long as he could. He wanted to remember her in every way possible for as long as possible. Maybe it wasn’t her time to go yet, but if it was, Arthur had to make the most of it.

“Love, when is Alfred coming by?”

“He said around midnight.”

“Huh?”

“Midnight.” She said louder in his ear.

“Midnight? Isn’t that a bit late?” Arthur looked at her.

“He has a long drive here.”

“Ah, right.” He did not. Arthur knew Alfred had moved closer to them over a month ago, but he didn’t have the heart to correct her. If she said he has a long drive, then so be it. Happy wife, happy life.

“I should start cooking for him so he has something to eat when he gets here. You know how strong his appetite gets.”

“Darling, you don’t have to cook. He knows how to do it himself.”

“I know that. I just feel like making something today. What do you think he’ll like?”

“A cup of tea.”

“He does not like tea, sweetheart.”

“Ah, right, right.” Arthur waved it off, not caring about Alfred at all, and walked over to his walker so that he could join Kat in the kitchen. Any time apart from her was too long.

“I can make some tea for you.”

“What?”

“I’ll make some tea for you.”

“That would be lovely. Thank you.”

As quickly as her bad hip allowed her, Kat made her way to the kitchen to make Arthur some fresh tea. Arthur couldn’t stop sniffling as he slowly followed her to the kitchen. The nurse came over to Arthur to help him get the walker through the tiny hallways and Arthur stopped momentarily to ask the nurse.

“What day is it today?”

“It’s Monday.” The nurse replied.

“That’s what I thought." He recalled seeing 'Monday' in the newspaper earlier, so he wanted to ensure his memory hadn't totally failed him. "And is Alfred coming tonight?”

“No, he’s coming next week.”

Arthur’s brows furrowed once more and he nodded with tears in his eyes, confirming what he didn't want to accept. “That’s what I thought. And Kat. Is she..?”

“..She’s waiting for you in the kitchen.”

“Well, I knew that!” He snipped at the nurse, then grunted as he regretted his attitude. He let out a shaky and emotional sigh. “Could you tell my brother to visit us tonight?”

“Yes, I can call him.”

"Tell him to bring Mattie and everyone."

"I will."

“And don’t tell him I cried. I don’t need him asking me questions about it.”

“I won’t.”

“He’ll see it for himself when he arrives.”

His brows upturn again and his lip quiver returns. Arthur lets out another long, unsteady breath as he amps himself to reunite with his wife in the kitchen. 

“Are you alright, sir?”

“I just need a moment. I’m getting ready for her grand finale.”

[firegirl888101]

Hi! I’ve been re-reading the insatiable madness series and can’t wait for the next chapter! I have a little thought though, what if reader cosplays a character the harbingers know? Like Raiden Ei or Zhongli? And then reader almost perfecting the makeup look and persona of that character that the harbingers think they are the character reader is cosplaying, really wanna see their reactions! Have a good day/afternoon/night! :))

- 🌮 anon

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Special Ask:

In the canon story I'm not going to include cosplay regarding clothes or wigs.

(this is because they're a college student with parents who barely support their genshin habit) 💀

Plus that shit is expensive, I think we all know Y/N doesn't have that type of money.

This question was asked by five different people funnily enough, and they were all within the same weekspan! Either the same person asked the same question but wrote it differently grammatically every single time, or that's one hell of a coincidence. Either way, I wanted to answer since it's a fun concept.

I did think about this when coming up with a plot - the Harbingers were first supposed to meet Y/N at a cosplay competition actually! But, I changed it since there would be way too many questions and too much chaos that I probably wouldn't be able to convey well :(

@fuhuaily you asked about this on the 30th of January, I've mentioned you since you didn't put on anon mode <3

Just wanted to warn people that I decided to choose Raiden Ei as the specific cosplay, which means there will be she/her usage when Y/N is wearing the cosplay. This is because Childe sees the cosplay as an entirely different person in his mind, thank you!

Childe was having a relatively normal morning.

Sure, he'd woken up with worst neck cramp he's ever experienced in his life, but he felt ready to take The Balladeer in another fight. To him, this means he's in tip-top form.

Well, he thought everything was normal until he realised that you were nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, has anyone seen Y/N this morning?" He questioned his insufferable comrades, rolling his eyes when seeing their exasperated faces when they turned to him.

"Probably sleeping in again." Scaramouche rolled his eyes in return. "That mortal sleeps later and later everyday."

"Hm. I thought they'd be crying." Dottore shrugged.

"Why?" Pierro mumbled worriedly, a sharp glare crossing his face and waiting for the doctor to explain himself.

"They had a tantrum due to their homework, not a big deal."

"They had a what!?" Pulcinella raised his voice, worry in his tone. "And you didn't tell a soul?"

"They were being a child. No, not like Childe. Ugh, that's besides the point. They were whining about biology, something about forgetting which parts of the heart were which." Dottore explained, an uninterested face present on his face.

"You ought to report these situations sooner, Dottore." Pierro scolded him.

"Why didn't you help them?"

"Jester, he did." Columbina smiled politely at her superior, a small wave gestured to get his attention. "The Decider didn't listen and ran off."

"Tartaglia, go see what they're up to. If they truly are in their room crying again it's best we force bring them downstairs for a chat." Pulcinella coughed into his hand.

"Who makes the orders, you or I?" Pierro turned to look at him.

"What are you going to do about it?" Scaramouche snickered into his hand. "According to Dottore, we're going to be stuck here. Can't tattle to the Tsaritsa now, can you?"

"Don't you start with me, puppet." Pierro glared at him, feeling all the other harbinger's gazes on the two.

"The minute we get back to the Zapolyarny Palace, I will make sure everyone is reminded why the rankings exist." He threatened.

"Ah, and the Tsaritsa will be informed of everything that takes place. I must remind you not to take things too far otherwise it will get worse for you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we get back home." Childe rolled his eyes, walking upstairs after loitering at the bottom to hear the drama.

"I heard that!" Pierro shouted from the bottom.

Childe sighed and walked up to your bedroom door, the nameplate crooked and slightly dusty. He knocked on the door three times. Actually, make it a fourth. For good measure, he reasoned with himself.

"Don't come in! Who is it, and what do you want?" He heard you call out from behind the door, your voice barely discernable.

"The boss man is wondering if you're alright. He's concerned about you crying or something." He answered.

"Whaaaat?" You sarcastically shouted at the door, already recognising Griffin Burn's voice shouting from the other side. "Noooo."

"You totally were."

"Was not. Anyway, I can't come out my room right now. I'm a little... occupied with something." You called out, hairspraying the blonde wig in front of you.

"Listen, as much as I care about you being busy and personally wanting to leave you to it, it's not up for discussion. Pierro and Pulcinella don't look pleased." He rubbed the back of his neck to soothe his cramp.

"When do they not look pleased? Sometimes it seems like simply being in their presence pisses them off." You sighed to yourself, foregoing the wig you were working on and taking pictures of yourself in the mirror.

"Well, I wouldn't say that's the reason... But the way you turn their mood upside down is always funny to watch." He chuckled to himself.

"Whatever, can you leave me alone now? Tell them I can't come down right now - I'll be there in half an hour at most."

Childe felt confused with this. What could you possibly be doing that causes you to be unable to come outside your room straight away? From what he knows, you don't have any evident hobbies. Throughout the days the Harbingers have stayed in your home, you're forced to spend time with them only and answer questions they have about this world.

This is the first time you've ever done something by yourself, and from the sound of your voice, you seem to like doing it too. So much to the point that you got irritated when he tried to make you come downstairs right away. Seeing you act independant for once is a big change he wasn't expecting this morning.

He also doesn't know why, but he doesn't like this change one bit.

Ideas cross Childe's mind as he tried to guess what you could be doing. Eventually... no. No, no, no, no, no. You couldn't possibly be... No, you can't be. An hour for doing that??? If that truly was the answer you must have some impeccable stamina! Maybe the urge to have a spar with you wasn't as outrageous as he thought.

"Hmm... Okay. But, I don't know what Pierro will say to this. If only you had a reliable man on the inside who could tell him to leave you alone for now. Oh wait, that's me." He slyly pushed an idea he thought of in his head.

"What's your point? I don't like that tone of voice you're using." You rolled your eyes at the door.

"Let me in and show me what you're doing! In return, I'll defend you when we go down in an hour or when another Harbinger comes up."

"Seriously? Are you actually blackmailing me right now?"

"Blackmail?" Childe feigned a shocked gasp. "Of course not, it's just a deal within both of our self-interests."

"Riiiiight. Your interest being what I'm doing, which is very nosy by the way. And my interest is not being in trouble with Pierro. For some reason, he's always the one turning my voice against me. Ugh, I hate my life, I've been reduced to a hormonal teenager who whines and complains all the time. Oh wait, that was me years ago."

"Just open the fucking door."

"Fine, but you have to promise not to tell anyone." You gave up, putting down your phone in your hand and tucking it under one of your pillows.

"No way, did you give up that quick?" Childe spluttered.

"Obviously not. I just figured that you'd go on and on and on about it. Plus, you'll probably find out eventually if you search through all my cupboards."

Childe put his hand on the doorknob, his fingers shaking in anticipation. He was going to be the first Harbinger to enter your room, and you had no problems with that? It seems his day really is going great today!

With a deep breath, he pushed through the door, anticipating your room to be neat and tidy. However, unlike your consistent checks to make sure the house was tidy, your bedroom unfortunately wasn't.

Looking in your direction, you were kneeling on the floor with a can of something he didn't recognise in your hands. Whatever you were looking at intently looked like it was about to fall over any second, the blonde hair being propped up by a cardboard box on your bed.

"Who...? Where's Y/N, and what are you doing with that hair in front of you!?" He exclaimed, not recognising the person in front of him.

Is Childe really this shallow to not recognise me when I don't look like myself? Maybe I can use this somehow... You thought to yourself, deciding to pull a small prank.

"Daring to enter my personal chambers without my permission..." You slowly turned around, trying your best to keep you movement rigid and stoic.

"You are aware it's not the most intelligent of ideas for lower lifeforms to anger their superiors, correct?"

Childe couldn't move, he didn't recognise the person in front of him. She had purple eyes and raven hair, her plait having the same shade of purple at the tips. She wore a stone cold glare on her face which gave no hint of mercy, he figured as much considering the tone of voice she used before. The thought of her not giving him any mercy made him feel excited, has he finally found a worthy opponent to spar with in this world?

"Well, will you at least give an excuse for your blatant blundering?" You narrowed your eyes with folded arms.

"I..." Childe's eyes shook, his dull eyes shining in adoration. "I want to fight you."

Hah? Even when Childe doesn't know it's actually me, he still wants to fight me? Of course he would...

You can't actually fight him. The safest option right now would be to break character. But, this is too fun. Let's keep going.

"You disturbed my peace within my own sanctuary, and now demand things of me?" You questioned him, taking a step closer.

"Do you really wish to taste the engulfing lightning laying dormant in my blade?"

"I do." Childe nodded, displaying his own hydro blades, their glow lighting up the room.

"Very well." You nodded, unsheathing the engulfing lightning polearm you made from its custom case.

"You're not going to take my request for battle seriously? Why fight with a weapon as shoddy as that?"

"Bitch!" You broke character.

"This was my first ever prop I made myself! Apologise right now or I'll kick you out of my house!"

"Wait, Y/N? That was you all along?" Childe cautiously stepped closer, his blades disappearing with his change of thought.

"You're really... them?" He eyed you up and down, eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

"Yes, you prick!"

"How are you all purply? And the way you acted before, it was nothing like how you usually are!"

"I wanted to mess with you since you didn't recognise who I was. It's such a shame I was dressed as the Raiden Shogun, it would have been much easier if I wasn't cosplaying an archon."

"Raiden Shogun? As in the Electro Archon!?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot you didn't go to Inazuma. Well you do, but after the Traveller finishes their business there." You thought outloud. "But still, fuck you for calling my masterpiece 'shoddy'!"

"It's not even made out of metal! Good thing you'll never become a weaponsmith..." He laughed nervously, eyeing your angry strare growing by the second.

"Anyway, could you finally tell me what you're doing in here? It's not just pretending to be an Archon, right?"

"Of course not. Also I'm not 'pretending to be' anyone, I'm cosplaying." You explained, picking up your hairspray and continuing to spray the golden locks.

"...What the fuck is cosplaying?"

"It's a hobby of mine. To put it in simple terms for someone as uneducated as yourself, you dress up as fictio-- uh, people you admire."

"You seriously admire the Electro Archon? Scaramouche would have your head for that." Childe rolled his eyes, unable to hide a mocking grin.

"I don't admire her. In fact, my opinion of her is quite negative. I just find her beautiful, so, I wanted to cosplay as her." Yeah, that negative opinion of her is only due to the fact that now you have to deal with her prototype puppet bullying you both physically and mentally.

"How many of your wacky costumes do you even have?"

"Quite a lot. I recently sold a couple online because I don't wear them much anymore. I got a lot of money for it ya know?"

"Damn, so this is an actual business you've got going on then."

"Exactly. Anyway, can you get out now? I showed you what I was doing." You shooed him away with a hand gesture.

"Nuh-uh. What are you doing to that blonde hair on your bed?"

"Don't even get me started on this Navia wig. It's the last part of her outfit I need and the hairspray ISN'T STICKING. I have spent almost 15 minutes trying to still the curls and it isn't working. If I'm not careful I'll dry it out!" You complained, aggressively spraying the hair.

Childe just stared, feeling the hairspray shroud his lungs leading to him cough excessively.

"Can't you just, not do that? If it's not naturally meant to be that way why are you trying to force the hair to keep still?"

"Styling, my friend. It's because styling exists."

"Riiiiight..." Childe dragged out the vowel, accidentally mocking you from earlier.

"Wait, do you have Lord Capitano's outfit??" He asked suddenly, practically having stars in his eyes.

"Ah, no, I don't. I wouldn't be able to pull off a cosplay of him anyway. Hmm, I don't know about you, but I think he'd be overjoyed at the fact you can't cosplay as him." You answered, snickering into your hand.

"Why would I use one of your wacky costumes when I can get the real thing from the man himself?? I just have to fight him for it!" He excitedly proclaimed, running out of the room whilst shouting his name.

"Oh shit, CHILDE NO!"

Running down the stairs after him without thinking, you were greeted with the Harbingers looking exasperated at a very loud and excited Tartaglia trying to fight Capitano but just being dodged.

"This is why I keep my hobbies to myself.." You sighed into your hands, watching the scene unfold with the rest of the Harbingers.

"Decider, what did you feed him this ti--"

All the Harbingers turned to you with wide eyes, some looking confused and some (Scaramouche) enraged.

"What the fuck... do you think you're wearing?" He grumbled, voice gradually getting louder as his shock wore off into anger.

Uh oh. You forgot you were still in your full get-up... AND THE BALLADEER IS RIGHT THERE. THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED!

"Let's calm down, and-"

"I asked you a question, mortal." His teeth clenched, stepping dangerous steps closer towards you.

"WHY ARE YOU WEARING HER CLOTHES? You could probably fool an incel like Childe, but I would never be fooled by your appearance. What do you think you're doing, pretending to be that... that.... traitor...!"

"Well, I just thought-"

"You thought wrong." He snapped. "What would possess you to dress like someone I hate? Someone you know I despise."

"Listen, you have every right to feel frustrated with the character I decided to dress up as today. I don't fault you one bit for that. But you have to understand, this was just bad luck. Of all the days I decide to wear this cosplay..." You tried to reason with him, leading to his eyes snapping open.

"You mean to tell me you do this to others? And I thought I was evil." He scoffed.

"The only people who think of themselves as evil are people who are trying to be looked at that way." You winced at his accusation.

"Except Dottore, that man is vile in both personality and hygiene."

"Genuinely shut your mouth." Dottore scratched his ear, only proving your point and causing many Harbingers near him to scoot away.

"That has nothing to do with this." He folded his arms. "You know, I've been getting sick of your attitude as of late, aren't you the one who always makes me apologise when I do something wrong? Why don't you do that for a change?"

"Hah? But I already apologised?" You muttered.

"Don't make stupid excuses. All you did was take fake-pity as if you're a friend of mine. I want you on your knees with a heartfelt apology."

Fuck that. You're not apologising sincerely to this piece of shit. Yeah, you messed up and genuinely feel bad, but you'd never tell him that.

"Uh, no thank you." You waved him off. "I didn't even wear this to torment you, I was checking to make sure my stitching was stable enough."

"So you can wear it again?"

"Yeah, for a competition. The whole point of dressing like this is to compete with other cosplayers."

"Ohhh, so that's what you were doing!" Childe pitched in, seemingly giving up with his one-sided fight.

"These competitions you speak of," Sandrone coughed into her hand politely, gaining attention. "Do many compete?"

"Yes. You can dress up as whoever you like. I decided to dress up as the Raiden Shogun because she's beautiful. Also she's popular among competitors to cosplay as, so I like the amount of competition I get by dressing up as her."

"Interesting..." Pantalone mumbled. "And these clothes are expensive, no?"

"Definitely. They can cost over a hundred if you get the entire outfit - and I'm talking about the cheaper lower-quality ones. As for me, I buy the raw materials and sew the outfits myself."

"You... made this?" Signora gaped in awe, stepping closer and feeling the fabric.

"Yes, it has potential. Have you tried clothes which aren't Inazuman?"

"Of course, I dress up as all kinds of people. I'm currently working on Navia from Fontaine. She's--"

"The President of the Spina di Rosula." Arlecchino finished for you, sipping her cup of tea. "The children stationed in Fontaine told me."

"Right, Lyney and his siblings. Yes, I remember them."

"Hm? You know of them?"

"Something like that." You laughed nervously, creeping towards the stairs.

Let's not tell her they're framed for a murder trial and almost get wrongfully convicted...

"Anyway, I'm going to get changed as per request by Scarawoosy. I'll be upstairs, and may not come down. So uh, yeah. Have fun with whatever you wanted me to do before."

You quickly ran off after that, hearing Scaramouche's shouts for you to grovel growing fainter.

"You're just going to let them run off like that?" Scaramouche looked around him, only questioning the others when feeling Capitano's heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Not necessarily." Pulcinella walked into the room, his cane supporting his slow movements. "It's an admirable skill to have, wouldn't you think so, Dottore? I'm aware you have a similar skill."

"Indeed." Dottore contemplated his words. "Although, it was only because we've lived for hundreds of years did we realise they were pretending to be the Electro Archon."

"Do not put me in the same league as Tartaglia." Arlecchino swirled her cup with a teaspoon. "I could easily tell they were pretending."

"No, you didn't see them." Childe argued. "The second I entered their room, they switched personalities and aura's quickly. Not to mention they agreed to fight me when we all know how much they hate any talk of that kind."

"So they're good onstage." Sandrone grinned to herself. "Perhaps if we asked too much of them regarding their ability they'd crack under pressure. It's certainly not perfection, but it's a close start I suppose."

"I'm very intrigued." Columbina announced, being strangely silent throughout the entire confrontation. "Although Childe is younger compared to us, we shouldn't doubt his words. He was named a Harbinger for a reason, maybe they were very convincing?"

"Ugh, out of all the people to defend me of course it's you." Childe shuddered slightly, staying quiet when noticing her intense gaze.

"My point is, we should test them and find out which people they specialise in. Heheh, I'm more focused on the amount and range of people they have in their wardrobe."

"You put forth a good point." Capitano nodded in agreeance. "Although, do you believe they perhaps have some outfits of us?"

"They better not." Scaramouche stated, walking back to the seat he once sat in moments ago. "If they had my outfit, I'd rip their hardwork to shreds." And perhaps, he'd give you the real outfit instead... after all, you still need a punishment for going behind his back and choosing her of all people to present yourself as.

"Well, if they had my dress I wouldn't be opposed. They'd finally be worthy of looking at in the eyes if so." Signora grinned wickedly.

"I want to see what else they have up there." She announced before also walking up the stairs.

"Wait for me!" Columbina giggled, running after her. "If they have my outfit, they have to put it on right away!"

"I better follow them, you know how those women get when intrigued. Besides, it will give me the opportunity to look inside their room." Pantalone pocketed his coins before also walking up the stairs, much calmer than the woman before him.

"Rooster, where is the Jester?" Sandrone spitefully asked him, a slight sickeningly amused tone in her voice.

"Working, as usual. He often tells me 'when we get back', but at this point that day might never come."

"It will come." Dottore silently warned him. "Despite what you've seen me do during the day, at night I work on a plan for the machine back. It would be oh so helpful if The Decider could help me, but why would they help me when that's practically planning their own death?"

"So, it will take longer without their help?" Capitano questioned him.

"Correct."

"Well then," Sandrone had an incredulous look on her face, not believing the stupidity of the men around her. "Why don't we just force them to help?"

"So we're not playing the 'nice guest' role anymore?" Scaramouche laughed, a laugh almost escaping his lips.

"No. I would say we can't afford that anymore." Pulcinella secretly winced, feeling his bones grow shakier every minute.

Extra:

I honestly see a Y/N who would keep up their cosplay hobby during captivity using it as a way to escape. They would dress up as other characters and imagine themselves to be them as they're not being held captive.

The Harbingers would also use this skill of yours on their enemies as bait. They'd have to assess and train you how to act like them, but eventually you'd be a spitting image of them and be the perfect trap for luring in potential assassins. Don't worry, they'd never let them actually hurt you. They've most likely shot the enemy down before you even realise the threat has turned violent.

Scaramouche, if he had no feelings for you, would definitely use the Raiden Cosplay against you. I feel he would tell you and lash out at you whilst saying everything he's always wanted her to hear but never heard him out for. It sucks for you, but it's a good stress-manager for him. As long as you play the part correctly, he won't get physically violent. Play the part poorly, and expect to become the punching-bag instead. In the little oneshot, Y/N is quite lucky it ended where it did. They should try to avoid dressing up as Archons going forward though.

[gcmercury]

doing things you suck at is important

I'm a Gojo gagger and I come by it honestly. I love him from the depths of my soul, he is very special. Does it come from the fact that I relate to him greatly? Maybe so. I cried harder when Ch 236 was leaked than I have at the loss of my last few relationships and personal tragedies that befell me. Why is this?

It's because Gege Akutami managed to put something I had felt my whole life into words. To be able to convey that sort of private loneliness, the one that comes from someone who's been through a great deal and although they've done their best to overcome, it still follows them. It's the Gojo that held himself apart from others, because something in him just couldn't bring himself to either let them in or he just didn't know how to in the same way others do.

It's lonely being neurodivergent. I relate to the messiness of Gojo's delivery when it comes to his feelings. I may say a few grand words and desperately hope they will understand because I can't say anything else. When pushed to the edge, I too am not able to mask and have also been called cruel and cold. "The kind of person who can cut their friends off out of nowhere, so what's to say I'm not next?" I had a (now former) friend say that to me. Recently. And yeah I proved them right I guess.

I feel it all. I have so much feeling to me I've had to learn how to bottle it and use it constructively, or I'd drive myself into ruin. Like learning to harness cursed energy, to use it efficiently.

Like Gojo, maybe I am overlooking the few people that do understand me in some sense. But at the same time I can't help how I feel. I have that part to me that always knows that pang of loneliness, the kind you just know existed before you really knew what it was. There was no reason for it, but you felt it all the same.

I cried because I know the feeling of loving those around you and knowing how much they love you too, and yet knowing what you feel is beyond them. I cried because it gave me hope that when it's my time someday, I'll be surrounded by my friends and family and pets who left before me and I won't be alone, even if I feel lonely my whole life. I cried because of the deep enjoyment of living out your life in a manner that is befitting of who you are despite every sorrow along the way.

Gojo inspired me in a way that woke me up inside during the summer of 2023. I started doing things again I had been subconsciously telling myself I wasn't capable of anymore and proving those thoughts wrong. I felt powerful and motivated and passionate, to be the most of myself.

His death absolutely crushed me. I still can't think about it or read Ch 236 without crying. Hell, I can barely bring myself to re-read parts of Gojo vs Sukuna without getting ridiculously emotional knowing how it ends (And I have this great love for Sukuna too).

Gojo is someone that has millions of admirers and fans. Sometimes I want to curse Gege for writing him so meta. For me, nothing hurts worse than someone loving you for their own fantasy of who you are. They project their fantasies about who they think you are and how you should act onto you, and then get extremely upset when you refuse to comply.

Which finally brings me to the point of this post. I love all of Gojo, and especially his rough edges that make him so real. It's why all of the JJK characters feel so real, because Gege wrote them as if they were, with the mistakes and messy feelings that come with being a real person.

I love that Gojo isn't this perfect mentor/teacher figure. He's late all the time. He's not prepared for class. He's too nonchalant. He's a natural genius and can't teach for shit. He still throws the important details to others. He's made some questionable decisions.

He doesn't have Geto there anymore to bounce things off of, to tell him maybe he shouldn't Hollow Purple Hanami, because they can't tell if that Special Grade curse was exorcised or not LMFAO. So Gojo has to make his own choices, and he is who he is. He makes choices based on that, and really, he does his best. One of my absolute favorite moments in JJK is this beautiful quote by Choso:

Gojo's at the top, and people are looking to him. In that way, he doesn't exactly have someone to ask if he's doing the right things or not. He had to make his choices and live with them, and so he kept making mistakes. He even made some of the same ones multiple times (which is certainly humbling irl).

He sought Megumi out for his talent, to hopefully be his first 'Strong And Intelligent Ally' -- a five, maybe six year old kid. That's not something most people would do, but maybe it speaks to the great respect Gojo has for youth/young people to place his future hopes there. It's evident enough that Gojo tried his best to teach Megumi about jujutsu, while trying to let him still be a kid. Megumi did continue to live with Tsumiki, he attended a normal elementary and middle school. Gojo would even pop in to bug him and take him out for some non-jujutsu related fun:

(The translations of the LNs vary, the printed version says "... Fushiguro was ready for a long haul, similar to one of those Sunday mornings when Gojo would say, 'Megumi, shall we go to Parque España?'")

However, Gojo also had this idea that maybe Megumi would be on his level someday, and then maybe he could understand him. He knows the potential that Megumi holds, and he tried to foster it, and with that, placed expectations on Megumi, who is a very different person than Gojo. Gojo shares bits of his own personal philosophies with him because he recognizes Megumi's talents. There's good intentions behind it -- to never throw one's life away, and the mindset with which you do things matters a great deal.

But for Megumi, who's already struggling with the weight of all the baggage he never asked for and was born with, it's a lot. He does heed Gojo's (and Sukuna's) advice and we see the progress he's able to make mentally and physically, only for him to revert in Shibuya when he summons Mahoraga.

Gojo may have put too much on Megumi, some consciously and some unconsciously. Gojo can only operate in the manner that he knows, and as someone who is a product of his own unfortunate circumstances, he can only project his own experiences. He was an imperfect benefactor/mentor/parental figure of sorts to Megumi, however you read their relationship.

During his time in the Prison Realm, Gojo was forced to really take a look at himself as well as accept certain things. I think it's subtly stated, but supported by his and Yuji's final conversation, that he recognizes the pressure he put on Megumi to rise to his full potential, baked into this beautiful sentiment:

His students don't have to be like him to be strong. He recognizes that there are other great strengths that surpass his own, these things he couldn't do that these brilliant young people can. He's accepted that someone doesn't have to live up to their full potential to have that sort of strength.

He knows that Megumi is just Megumi. And that there's nothing wrong with that. He says as much with the note he left him about killing Toji. That everything is alright between them. As long as Megumi has the desire to live, that's all that really matters. And that he isn't alone (That was the most important thing, that his students weren't alone if something happened to him. Even if in the end he wasn't able to reform the system, he wanted those kids to have someone).

I kinda went on a mini tangent of sorts there, but the point is that Gojo made a lot of mistakes, just like anyone else. He misread Toji's strategy. He wasn't able to save Geto from defecting. He didn't cremate Geto's body and the Shibuya Incident happened. He got rid of all cursed tools that could forcibly dispel his Cursed Technique. He said something racist to Miguel. He misread Sukuna's strategy.

He knew what it was like to lose. He knew the feeling of failure. He carried a lot of unspoken guilt and that twinge of regret with him. He explains in Ch 236 how he stopped feeling like a person, yet he never cast these feelings out. He was much more human than he felt like or realized.

Gojo may have struggled as a teacher, but he came through for his students in the ways it really mattered. He sucked at trying to explain things, but it didn't matter because his heart was in the right place. Because he had a real passion and a deep, unrelenting drive for what he was trying to do. That is so inspiring.

I love that he did his best to protect them, but knew that they would face heartbreak, pain, tragedy one day, and they would need the right tools to be able to handle it. You can't remove sadness, suffering, anger, hatred from the world. There will always be those with ill intentions. To not let those things kill your heart (like what happened with Geto), that's what he wished for his students.

Yuji didn't lay his grandfather to rest alone. He put Yuji's room right next to Megumi's. Gave Megumi the better seat outside. Put in a personal request for Yuji's uniform because he thought he was fond of hoodies. Gave kids who are outcasted or ostracized a place to belong and develop confidence, a reason to live. Organized the baseball game for the final day of the Goodwill Event. Wanted to give his absolute best because his students were watching and he cares what they think. Tracked down Nobara's mom in the case that she would maybe want to see her. Saw Ijichi's talents and pushed him in that direction even if he was an asshole about it. Broke the cycle by giving Megumi the choice for a different path than the one he himself had as a clan kid.

When he says he loves everyone, he meant it.

Gojo could have lived a life full of nothing but things he absolutely excelled at. Instead, he challenged himself doing things he knew he wasn't well suited for because they were important.

If you're really passionate about something, who cares if you suck?

If your hearts really in it, isn't it worth it to struggle?

We learn about ourselves when we purposefully set out to do things we know are difficult for us. It might feel good to do the things we know we can nail, but it doesn't keep us sharp.

Don't lose the feeling of what it's like to fail. Keep failing over and over. Keep making mistakes, even the same ones. It takes courage to fail and even more to laugh at ourselves and carry on when we do. That is its own, supreme strength too.

I am so horrible at a great many things. But I'm gonna do the things I love, even if I am never good at them. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop saying "like" and "um" and "you know" a million times when I'm trying to speak, but that doesn't matter. I'm gonna say it anyway.

I love people who make mistakes too because it keeps us all human. And I love Gojo for the same reason.

[mtealeaves]

Caleb: Lover’s Whisper - Affinity lvl. 85 ( Eng Dub): Transcript

transcript for girlies who want to review secret times but dont want to rewatch the entire video! i use this for getting caleb's voice right in fics!

Caleb:

(footsteps, shuffling) (door click) I noticed how you've been into ear-cleaning videos lately. Are you ready for the real deal?

You have me, pipsqueak. You don't need anyone else. Go ahead. Lie down. 

Your eyelashes are fluttering, even though you closed your eyes. Relax. I’ll know if something's wrong the moment you frown.

The first step, is massaging your ears’ acupoints to help you feel at ease. Is experiencing it yourself better than watching videos?

I'm not a professional, so you can't really make that comparison? 

You still don't feel comfortable enough... let me know when you do. Then I'll continue.

(shuffling) Is this professional enough for you? Or rather, does it feel comfortable enough now? 

(laugh) You're shivering. Is it comfortable, or not? All right. Let's keep going. 

Relax. Don't. Move. 

(shuffling) (clicking) It's been a long time since I took such a close look at you quietly.

Anyway, you spent so much time watching those videos daily.

Tell me what I should do next. 

Hm? I'm going to give you a chance to reconsider your answer.

Are you sure? Do you want to change anything?

(laugh) Bzzt. Wrong. Did you get distracted? You want to know the correct answer? I'll show you right away.

(clinking) (paper rustling) This might tickle a bit. If it's too much for you… well, you better come up with a method that'll make me stop. Haaah.

(laugh) Your ears have gotten used to this, /whispered/ but why is the rest of your body still tense? 

Yeah, it's my fault. I should have made sure every part of you accepted me. Mnn (kiss). 

(shuffling) This spot needs to relax. Here as well. 

(laugh) Yes, I'm here.

But saying my name won't make me stop.

My name isn't a safe word.

Are you dissatisfied with me again? I've changed... not willing to accommodate you. 

(laugh) Fine. I'll shut up now.

(shuffling)

(blowing) I didn't say anything. 

Oh. 

A bit of fluff landed near your ear? 

There.

I blew it away.

Ugh. Ow, watch where you pinch! It's too late to cry crocodile tears. You racked your brain for a while, but that was your plan to stop me?

Wouldn't you say you're grown up now? /whispered/ think of something else. Take your time. 

/whispered/ I'll continue.

Feeling tingly, and itchy? Then I'll be rougher.

How does it feel? 

It's too deep?

Okay. I'll be more gentle. And it won't be this deep.

(clicking) Hmmmn, it can't be too deep or too shallow. 

Can't be too rough or too gentle either. 

You are so hard to please. (shuffling, overturning sheets) 

You'll turn on me, just like that? Weren't you just enjoying this? 

(shuffling) Was I teasing you on purpose? 

(shuffling) Putting the hair tie on my wrist… oh, it's being used as handcuffs. It's my turn to guess your next move.

(laugh) I'm gonna guess I'll be told to give in, and I'm also not allowed to resist. And then…

Haah, haah… using my tricks against me huh?

(clicking, shuffling) Haah, you're a quick learner.

(zipper unzipping) (laugh) Ready to improvise? 

Haah, haaah, are you sure you want to go further down? 

(sharp inhale) (heavy exhale) Haah, (laugh) (shuffling) I know I shouldn't be teasing you like this, (laugh) /whispered closer/ but your revenge went a bit far. 

I need to charge interest for what you've done.

(Kiss, kiss,) mmn (kiss), mmmn (kiss) 

This time, you can't… tell me to stop.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thinking about doing a second version where i add some tone tags (im autistic) because there's a LOT of undertones and subtleties that our incredible caleb eng voice actor adds. i would love to add tags like /condescending in here because i feel like there's a lot of that, and when i read it in my head sometimes i don't quite capture it. but for people who don't need it, i dont want to convolute the resource

[thelovelywriteress]

Crush Troubles!

[ʳᵉᵉˢᵉ ʷⁱˡᵏᵉʳˢᵒⁿ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ]

You don't know when and how you started to crush on your dumb classmate but you just did.

After realising that the your first ever love, one the people says is most special and build up your taste for future, is Reese. You swear to never do love marriage.

Each day you stare at his weird expression photo, you somehow got. So your heart can finally move on from him but no! Instead feeling gross, you have started to find photo adorable.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" You clutched your head, after realising how low you have fall for him.

No one would guess you liked him. For starters you never told anyone out of embarrassment and then way you act around him doesn't look very affectionate.

You always scream or disappear from the place whenever he is close too. It looks like you are always throwing him draggers while in real you are just trying to observe his actions.

You can't help it through. You were never with social interactions anyways. You barely talk to your peers and then talking to someone who make sure his every action and word is heard by society, not a chance. You are not taking the risk.

Guess it's one reason why you turn into obsessive stalker type. You kept a small diary where you write whatever you found cute about him throughout the day.

"And then he grabbed a junior by his collar which was wrong but the angle of sunlight made his face so dazzling. Yeah that kid was crying but his smirk face look so good." You scribbled smiley, before stopping for a moment to re-read what you have written.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" You pushed the diary away and questioned your sanity. Did you just write about his attractiveness while completing ignoring his actions towards junior.

"Ahh I gotta stop this." You were about to put your diary away but then you quickly remember one other moment. You again feel crazy after writing it but then again find something to write. It was a kind of a daily cycle now.

At some point even God got fed up and that's why he finally made the interaction you couldn't make from months.

"(Name) I want you to tutor Reese."

So apparently Reese was failing some of his class (no wonder there) and for some reason you out of everyone was choosen to help him (others were scared of him).

You were happy you could talk to him but you were also scared. You were scared he could tease you or worst even found your feelings.

You were shocked when you officially meet him for first time and he already know your name. How? You are the one who always looks so wary of him and throw him glares. You tried to disagree with the accusations but they are pretty usual.

Tutoring Reese made you realised how good of teacher you can be and you started to feel more comfortable around him. But once he was back to track, you were sad this means no further communication between you both.

"(Name) will you help homework?" You tried to not show but atmosphere around you turn so pleasant even nature was suprised.

After this you finally become his friend (or atleast you think so) and you often spend time to help him with school stuff. People around you were suprised. People who saw your glares towards him, were suprised how he managed to be all buddy-buddy with you. People who saw Reese merciless torturing people, were suprised how you can be so buddy-buddy with him.

You couldn't care about whatever assumptions others had, you were happy to you were close to him (in a positive way) and he didn't intend to torture you. You still harbour feelings towards him but were confused what to do with them.

"You got crush on my brother?" Ahh the smartass younger brother, said with full confidence. You quickly refused through your flustered expression gave it away.

"Drop the act. It's so obvious. And it just shows how big of a dummy my brother is that he can't even notice such an obvious signs." Malcolm nonchalantly said as you feel annoyed that he called Reese dummy,"Ooh?" Malcolm teased and your face started to warm up.

"I think you are a nice girl and for same reason I wonder why you like my brother out of everyone. I doubt anything I say will change your feelings so I have decided to partner up with you."

No one even asked about your opinion but it was nice to have someone root for you tho. You and Malcolm now started to spend more time together something Reese found suspicious since it was sudden and you both barely care about each other's presence before.

#1 Plan : The old I bake these for you ahh the confession cookies. You baked heart shaped cookies for him and write a confession letter which you both together gave to him in a basket. Reese was happy to receive them cause for starters he is always hungry. Malcolm saw him happily munching on them in house and question if he got anything else to which he said no. It was strange. Cookies were almost finished. He started to assumed you chicken out but then he saw his brother wiping his mouth with a pink heart paper and when he asked Reese about him. He told it was a napkin and how nice it was to even put it through he preferred if it wasn't so girly. Malcolm didn't say anything to Reese and had to put stone on his heart to tell you too what happened to your letter.

You started to curse your fate but was almost relief. You would have left the city if Reese would read that and come to you. Malcolm on other hand concluded, you can't write down your feelings and tell him. Infact he doubt even if he read the letter, he would actually understand.

#2 Plan: The poetic confession. So next was to indirectly tell him about your feelings. He can't understand the signs, you can't say direct signs so this was actually difficult one but still what's harm to give it a shot. So you and Reese were studying and then suddenly a pair of two birds sit outside the window. Your eyes fall on it and you remembers Malcolm advice to connect whatever you can in a romantic way and compare it to Reese and you. You told Reese about the birds outside and told him how you could like you both to be like them, only to third bird to interfere and one of bird to flew away with it. Reese don't want to be a bird, they ain't faithful.

#3 Plan: Almost confession. This one was quite simple. You confessed your feelings but act like you don't realise it. You don't even know if Malcolm got another plan after this one. There are many ways to confessed but there aren't many ways Reese would get it or you can do it. You were walking after school together. You were restless whole walk, you were just giving yourself courage to do it. Reese notice your determined but nervous expression and started to comment on it through you quickly dismissed it.

While Reese being Reese didn't think much of this. You were worried that Reese is now starting to get gist of your feelings. While you were focused in your thoughts, a ball was about to hit Reese quickly pulled and kick it away.

"Damn the kids these days." He mumbled and asked you if you were ok but the admiration in your eyes stunned him for a moment. It was for him, right? You averted your eyes and told him you were alright. Reese looked at your figure for a moment and then say something that left whole world in suprise,"(Name) do you like me?"

"Huh?

Huhh?

HUHHH?"

Your face become pale. As you struggle to say something. Should you agree or disagree? Act like you didn't heard him? Run away and left the city? Did your friendship end? Is he gonna bully you for rest of your life?

"(Name)?

(Name)!"

Your brain errored out and you black out. Just when you think you were finally handling the trouble with your crush, it just grow more!

Lame way to end,,,ikrrrr (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

[henrysglock]

sorry your el/byers family posting just made me think of El's letter at the start of S4 where she says she'd asked Jonathan about the 'smelly plant' he was smoking and I had to laugh and then also cry because the whole letter is fuuuull of instances where El seeks out a conversation with a Byers and gets dismissed

She listened to Joyce talk about her job, she was inquisitive with Jonathan and seemingly listened to him worry about Nancy, she tried connecting with Will on his painting and noticed he'd been acting 'weird'...

But Joyce has no idea she's getting bullied (she was very aware when Will went through similar struggles), Jonathan would maybe normally step up but isn't even there for Will for the first half of the season, and finally Will is clearly holding her at a distance for reasons she can't understand.

I feel compelled to defend the Byers because S4 also seems like the season where they're most distant with each other, and so it kind of tracks that none of them are putting in any extra effort with El either, but it does hurt my heart that El was clearly TRYING and just never really got anything out of it. She's tacked onto their unit and none of them try to make any time or space for her.

Allllll of this :( She was trying so hard to become part of the family, and the one person who was really available to connect with didn't really want all that much to do with her. And for what? Because he's worried about himself? About his petty problems re: Mike? Where's the Tonka truck boy? Where's Mister "She's sad, Mommy"? I don't see him anywhere.

I think basically every fan feels compelled to defend the Byers family under any circumstances (largely because they're main protags), but in this case...someone should have done better. El's like 2 years out of HNL, it's her very first year of school, and she just lost her father, for Christ's sake. I'm not usually one to rank suffering, but El was suffering the most, here. Someone should have done better by her. Literally any of them. My only beef with Will is that he was the one most suited to connect with her based on age and shared experiences. But Joyce was right there, too. Sure, she's busy, but like you said...she was very attuned to Will getting bullied.

El's just not part of the family structure, so she doesn't get any effort that would have been put into the family (which is basically what you said).

It's heartbreaking, considering that all she's ever wanted is a loving family—most of all a mother and siblings—and she was so close to having exactly that...and they didn't step up. No one ever really steps up for her, it seems. It's the one reason I'm glad Jim's back from "the dead". At least someone might possibly have the time for her, now.

It's all the more heartbreaking considering how many times she's willingly put her own life on the line for the Byers family. Not to sound like a cunt, but this is how she's repaid? By being an outsider once again? With zero effort put into supporting her from anyone? Will can't even make good on his promise to help fix her diorama! (Which is of Jim, something that's not lost on me re: El's desire for an involved parent. Jim wasn't perfect, and I'm one of his biggest critics, but life at the cabin seemed better than whatever the fuck Lenora Hills had going on.) He'd rather just mope at the breakfast table while Mike takes care of it. At least Mike went up to talk to El.

Like no wonder NINA showed El a parent/big brother who seemingly prioritized her, was on her side, and seemed committed to protecting her, for once! No wonder she willingly went with Brenner! She feels abandoned! She's going back to whatever's available, because nothing else is available, and she only feels worthwhile when she's "useful" (read: is playing superhero). It's awful. I always feel so badly for her.

I hope ST5 gives her a happy, peaceful ending that's full of all the familial love she's been deprived of.

[lmskitty]

It's time for another fic rec babyyyy!!!!!

Good LORD we are blessed in this fandom. Here are a bunch of incredible writers and fics that I devoured recently and loved every second of. No joke a bunch of these made me properly cry, they are incredible pieces of work and everyone should read them!!

Starting with Honesty Corner by @duckiemimi

College AU satosugu with pizza delivery guy Geto and Utahime/Shoko in the background!!! My fave thing about this was Utahime and Gojo's friendship and the Hasaba twins. The smut is perfection, the characters are so on point and the story just reads beautifully!

I'm gonna cheat and include three works by my beloved @thequeenofsarcaasm all should bow down to her. This counts as 1 because it's in the same AU of hers but god damn I love the way she writes so MUCH. The way the Queen writes love and the way satosugu talk to each other is so spot on for an established couple and it made me so happy because it reminded me exactly of the dumb shit I say to my husband. I'm a sucker for married besties I can't help it 😭. It's just wholesome loveliness. I shouldn't pick faves also but Tsumiki I love you and you deserve the whole universe.

Satosugu family AU. The boys do their best to become good dads and learn and teach their kids as they go along. It hit me so hard as a parent and I loved every moment!

Milestones

Sex Education

Conversations I wish I had with my parents (this was a gift to me and I died on impact I am a ghost now)

Satisfied by rosegoldyoonseok - BDSM Satosugu incredibleness. Just wow. Suguru Geto brat tamer in action. It's too much. I re-read it like every week. I adore it. If you ever catch me staring into the distance I'm thinking about the car scene in this fic.

To feel is to Love by @cj-ackerman17 this one made me SOB. It's so full of love and warmth and god. It's just wonderful.

In another universe, instead of his eyes being the most powerful asset, Satoru is blind. Because of this, he’s mostly alone, unable to be the star child his high-ranking parents wanted him to be.

It’s Suguru Geto that makes him believe he deserves to be loved, and that he is seen. Suguru learns that to feel, is to love.

If you want to read like the greatest love story ever read this fic. It's one of the most romantic things I've read in a long time and the depth into the characters past is incredible. It even made me like Toji. It's that powerful.

@justrustandstardust, the Queen of satosugu comedy is at it again.

5 Times Gojo Satoru Tries to Rizz Up Geto Suguru and 1 Time He (Kind Of) Succeeds

is amazing but now we have a sequel!!!!!

5 Times Gojo Satoru Tries to Bag Geto Suguru and 1 Time He Gets Bagged Himself

Already I'm obsessed. Hotdogumi. Someone call child protection for this boy please. If you want a good time I can literally recommend ALL of their work. @justrustandstardust does comedy SO well. It's perfect.

[guiraguira]

Hi can I request ichiro hitoya and samatoki taking care of their fem s/o when she's having period cramps?

Helping you ✨

Hello!!💕 Yes! It really seems interesting to me and I don't usually see fics or hc on this topic (at least not from the fandoms I'm a part of)

Warnings: None in particular, just comfort for menstrual pain.

Ichiro - Samatoki - Hitoya x fem reader!

Ichiro

° He knows how menstruation works and has definitely read a lot of articles online about what to do to help you if something hurts. So when he sees you lying in the fetal position he can already imagine what is happening to you. Crouching down to your height he asks what he can do for you, he wants to know specifically what you need right now.

°"S/o, do you want some medicine? Some heat? Chocolate?" He gently strokes your hair as he asks you. Whatever the answer, he will bring everything in any way and leave it at your fingertips. He constantly asks you if the pain has decreased a little or is it still the same, he does it unconsciously because it hurts him to see you like this and even though this happens every month he never gets used to it.

° It will keep you company for long hours if the pain does not decrease and no matter how much you try to push it away, you will not be able to make it go away for more than a few minutes before being by your side again.

"Don't you have a job? I'm fine" but the pain just gets stronger and causes you to twist your face while squeezing your abdomen. He leaves the room only to re-enter with a tea "they say chamomile tea is good in these cases" and without the possibility of discussion he stays by your side waiting for you to finish it.

° He tries to distract you a little by kissing your head while he chats with you and gives you his "I'm acting natural, but if you suffer I suffer" look by holding your hand throughout the process, at some point the situation seems so funny that finally You make the pain go into the background.

° Forget about crying in front of him, your crying causes him to cry too in the worst case scenario. Applying a heating pad that he bought especially for you, he adjusts it as best as possible while he holds your face in his hands.

Samatoki

° He definitely knows a thing or two about what period pain is, but he's not as sweet with his words. He expresses himself best with his actions towards you, he will be totally at your gestures and movements, at the slightest sign of discomfort he will force you to sit down so that you do not strain.

° He will definitely force you to take some medication to dull the pain if they become too intense, otherwise he will bring you blankets so you can wrap yourself as you like. He perfectly masters the art of wrapping you so that the blankets give you comfort.

"This one is very soft, it looks like a stuffed animal" you say as Samatoki spins it around you and presses it against your body. "Yes and this one is a little heavier, so I'll put it on your waist" with a relaxed and calm voice he continues adding layers of blankets while he explains the function of it to you.

° Unfortunately, he doesn't have as much time to stay next to you as he would like, so when he can, he likes to replace the hot water bottle you use with his hands and allow you to lie on him.

"This month was worse, wasn't it?" The palms of his hands lightly squeeze your abdomen as he asks you. You moan in the affirmative and he moves to cradle you more comfortably as he caresses you with his thumbs in light circles.

° He can't see a single tear on your face so if you cry from the pain he freezes in place, he will ask you a thousand times if you don't want to go to the doctor so they can give you more effective medicine. He can handle being hurt, but he can't see you hurt, and if you refuse to go he has no choice but to offer you a back massage, hoping that it will relieve some of the tension.

° He will not let you clench your teeth or bite your lips to endure the pain, he is able to put his fingers so that you bite them in his place. When you relax a little he will bring you your favorite dessert so you can keep your mouth entertained.

Hitoya

° Yes, he has the entire situation under control for you and when you are in pain he pampers you without any shame. He is even capable of leaving work halfway and picking you up wherever you are if you tell him you can't get home because of the pangs of pain.

° He will prepare a bathtub for you with hot water and various treats so that the discomfort is reduced while he sits next to you chatting with you or washing your hair.

"We could try this new shampoo, Jyushi recommended it to me for you" he spreads the product gently over your scalp, pampering you in the process. The feeling of his hands and the heat of the bathtub has a positive effect on your pain.

° No matter how much he hid it, several times he asked Jakurai for the best way to help you and sometimes, those calls were in the middle of the night while he took note of everything the doctor said. You accidentally discovered the notebook where he writes it down but you decided to keep it a secret.

° He comforts you with massages, applying the necessary pressure on your back to relieve tension. Even if you are lying on your side and as compressed as possible, he will make sure to give you a good massage session.

° He tries not to kiss you while the pain lasts because he doesn't think that will help you much, but seeing you so bad, he can't channel his feeling of compassion and support in any other way than leaving the occasional solitary kiss on your cheeks, which at times They manage to warm your heart and distract your body.

° Your tears destroy his self-control and tranquility, gently wiping them away activates his emergency protocol. He gives you medicine and holds you until you fall asleep or the pain subsides, always wiping away any tears that may continue to come.

"The pills will take effect now, yes? I promise it will happen faster than you think" his hands caress your back giving you comfort "you're doing well..." he can repeat these phrases as if they were a prayer or a lullaby, the smell of his skin gives you peace and eventually you will fall asleep.

[farawaysoph-ie]

The Sunshine Court Incoherent Whatever (pt.1)

Okay. Okay.

I just finished The Sunshine Court and 1) Jean Moreau what have you done to me? 2) Jean Moreau what have(n't) they done to you?

I started this, then went and re-read tkm (bc the obsession was always latent and never gone), so I could compare both Neil and Jean pov and well, suffice to say I'm not okay and I feel too much.

Thank you Nora Sakavic, it was painful and amazing.

I have a long train ride so I might as well bring back my incoherent whatever after *checks the notes* 4 years :')

As always this will be so full of spoilers.

(Unrelated spoiler: the train ride wasn't enough)

Let's start with the general:

After loving Neil maybe too much the shift to Jean took awhile to adjust to but now I'm ready to fight at least three mafia families, every single hater (fictional or otherwise) and the FBI for him

Jeremy Knox was everything, but like everyone on here, what are you hiding Jeremy?? What's going on??

Cat and Laila, my beloved ™️ the care these two effortlessly gave made me cry

This whole book was a serious trigger for me, but I'm in too deep with this series, imagine me like that Simpsons meme, I did it for my new french son

Characters, thoughts:

I said before the Ravens were a cult, but I hadn't really understood that statement. Every time Jean spoke of them it hit deeper and deeper how messed up and unfair it all was.

Boy am I happy that Riko is dead, like I didn't really wish anyone the fate of being shot by an unfeeling older brother, until Jean's pov hit me like a high speed train.

Andrew spoke exactly one word in this, still was iconic and a scene stealer, how in character for him

I forgot how much I always want to slap Kevin Day when he's trying his best to be annoying, it's because I love him, I swear! (But seriously his relationship with Jean is so complex and well executed I will think about it for a very long while)

I didn't give much thought to Renee and Jean relationship in tkm, but it broke my heart here, it's when I started to actually tear up, I love them so much rainbows, a cool evening breeze. I can't.

"Tell me something"

"Where are you now?"

The whole dynamic of the Cat&Laila& sometimesJeremy's apartment

Cat teaching Jean how to cook + motorbike ride (open roads)

Laila taking him to shopping

Jeremy wanting to make Jean Moreau the Person his success story

Neil dragging Jean towards survival without giving him a choice, again and again: he sent Renee as gentle bait, closed a deal in his name with a mafia boss, promised him he would win against Riko in his name too, promised him again Riko was dead, ordered a hit on his rapist, offered to delay the talk with the FBI, linked his sister to his name, to survival and to what he deserved. I NEED more interactions between them, I am not above begging.

I have to get a better idea on the other Trojans, but for now the policule was cute, I need more Cody and less Lucas. Like I can understand where he was coming from? But he needs to shut up now, you made your mess man, now go play Exy like you were supposed to.

I miss the Foxes :'(

Wymack! I almost forgot everyone's favourite dad-coach: he showed up, brought alcohol, got more tired, delivered care to yet another traumatized child, spent a whole day on airplanes to bring him to Los Angeles, left him money for clothes&co. bc he's not doing this again, answered his call when he was having The Breakdown. Best dad-coach ever in the history of dad-coaches.

Plot things:

Jean at the beginning was so scared and in so much pain it took a while to get a clear picture of him as a person

Still loved all his salty comments and insults, he couldn't help himself

Renee sitting with him and caring with Abby and Wymack :')

Jean being afraid of going back and of not going back to Evermore, hating the ones that got to leave

The self harm and all the people in this that fought him to keep his hands from his neck, his scars, himself

"I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure."

Jean not believing in Wymack care, waiting for the act to end and the other shoe to drop

The disbelief at Kevin being away from the court and him admitting he went at knifepoint (and meaning it literally), sometimes this was a comedy

Wymack, Jean, and the burning of houses

Jean's opinion of the Foxes going from those mediocre fools to those mediocre madmen to the madmen that actually beat Riko Moriyama

Wymack putting Jean's phone in the freezer and hating computers

“That man is years overdue for a high-speed, head-on collision.” couldn't have said it better, but Neil was already on it at that point

"Jean knew better than to look for anger in his stare; the best Kevin could manage was bottomless guilt."

“It was my only chance,” Kevin said. “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” “My place is at Evermore,” Jean agreed, “but you did not have to slit my throat on the way out.”

“Your blind loyalty to those clowns is exhausting.” “Some of them you like,” Kevin reminded him. “Don’t you dare,”

Nathaniel "Hello Jean" Wesninski vs Jean "Go away" Moreau

This whole conversation went very differently compared to tkm: like there Neil came, dropped a metaphorical bomb, glossed over the explanation and went away trying to convince Andrew they are something

Jean was ambushed by two of his most complicated acquaintances (???) and their "pet goalkeeper" (god I need Andrew's reaction to this "nickname", but I guess no one will ever say this to his face, Neil would be too busy fighting you at the suggestion to ever repeat it), had his worldwiew turned upside down with no chance of having a say in the matter, then was left alone with Kevin Day and the aftermath.

So yes two different conversation; also I kinda forgot of the deal about Neil and his smile

“Everyone who has tried to tame him has failed.”

All for the game: a summary

There was no getting away; there was only getting through.

Jean Moreau who (hasn't) hurt you, part some of too many

What really makes it messed up is that on one hand there was Riko and his mad cruelty and on the other there was an entire team of bystanders At Best: some people were an active part and then pretended, no sympathy for them; others decided to ignore the truth to survive and get what they wanted, which I can understand but I guess they still didn't have the decency to shut up when Jean got away. The anger that crawled through my skin when the smear campaign and the notebook/postcards/magnets thing happened. You should have stayed silent until the end you fucks.

“Do it, then. It wouldn’t take much; we all know I have brittle bones.”

Jeremy pov kinda gave you whiplash, with him waking up super early, helping homeless men, but then you start noticing all the things he avoids almost effortlessly and like, what are you hiding sunshine man??

What actually broke me about his povs was him noticing all these details about Jean, and then misinterpreting them, bc whatever he's been through Jean has had it 100 times worse and this doesn't even factor in Jeremy world. I'm pretty sure he'll get the whole truth in the end and I'm scared of what it'll do to him.

Also Jean being like Ravens always had to keep secrets and then spilling most of them almost unprompted, let's laugh in order not to cry

“He hasn’t played a clean game in years,” Kevin admitted, “but he knows how to follow orders. If you tell him to submit, he will.” “Literally the most awkward way you could’ve worded it,” Jeremy said.

This will keep coming back, Kevin please. (He 100% ships it, one of us)

The Foxes catching the too tired Trojans and Jeremy being like, you are all approved (I need the two teams to interact now)

Also the Trojans being like how are they still standing, Neil how are you still running??

Someone pointed out they wanted Neil to interact with Jeans closest teammates bc if he is a madman by Jean standards, what would normal people make of him? To which yes, but also guys consider this: Neil said to Cat and Laila that they were terrifying after the semifinal, he took a step back when Jeremy opened the door and silently invited him in. I need Neil and the floozies to interact so Neil can experience real fear.

Mafia bosses have nothing on wholesome people, the true weakness of one Neil Josten

Jean immediately hanging up on Jeremy will never not be funny

When you get to the title of the book and it's Jean insulting people <3

I will Never, NEVER, get over the "nineteen". Never.

I love Abby but when she told that bit about fighting back, It Hurt. She probably didn't really mean it and didn't know everything bc how are you supposed to keep fighting when you are fifteen, alone and forsaken in a place that is built to break you? As it has been pointed out, Neil had rebellion beaten into him by a mother that chose him and ran; Jean had a sister that he hoped to protect and parents that sold him away like property. Five months were actually a long time.

Dobson keeps being iconic, I don't know what to think about the I don't know how exy works bit: I mean I've been obsessing with this and still don't know how exy works (plz don't hate me), but at the same time it was such a power move and got Jean to talk

“Of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent.” “Good morning to you, too.” Nathaniel held up an oversized bandage.

You see why I need more of their interactions, right?

Nathaniel was different; he always would be. He wasn’t a Raven, but he was, same as Jean. He was Jean’s misplaced forever partner, an unfulfilled promise Jean had stopped believing in years ago.

You can now be forever partners while you tear down your families :)

I think that I'm stuck on the two of them bc while Kevin broke a promise to save himself (to which no hate, when dealing with madmen like Riko you have to save yourself) and still couldn't, not completely, Neil was a promise made and broken by other people. Jean hates him bc they were supposed to share a destiny and all the misery, but I think very deep down he knows that if Nathaniel had come to the Nest they would still be nursing wounds and appeasing a tyrant. Neil is the one that stood against Riko when Kevin wanted to hide, the one that gave him courage by example, the one that dragged Jean away from the Ravens, both for selfish reasons (taking down Riko) and better ones (paying him back for saving his life a the Nest).

But still

“You are only here now because you are an abominable cockroach,”

Funny how Neil forgot to tell us about the breakdown about Kevin's tattoo, he was probably thinking about the match. Junkie.

The cheese drawer guys, ???

To this day I still can't decide what was more iconic: Kevin Day switching playing hand halfway through the game and pretty much scoring everything until the last second, Neil being so fast that it made up for him being a shitty defender, Andrew crossing the court to keep Neil from being murdered (I'm biased, but still iconic moments all of them)

Experiencing this match from Jean's pov was amazing writing, like the countdown of the last ten seconds, the Riko-Neil bit without volume but from a different angle (I didn't really realize everyone was able to see the King attempting murder live on TV, but hey perspective)

Run, Jean thought. He didn't know if he was thinking it at Andrew or Nathaniel. Run.

"That wasn't a miracle," Jean typed out. "That was the Foxes."

:')

When Jean found about Riko though :'(

The shudder that wracked his chest should have been revulsion, but it fell dangerously short. This didn't feel like joy or relief; it only felt like loss. [...] Who was he without them?"

I loved that he woke up to Renee and Neil though, the rainbow and the witness

Renee always hitting the point, this wonderful girl

"Maybe you're mourning the wreckage he made of your life. You're allowed to grieve what he took from you."

"It's impressive, isn't it? How easily these monsters die in the end."

Neil Abram Josten said I'm done letting monsters ruin my life and my people, he actually promised.

When he called him Neil guys, tears

Also I found peculiar that when thinking about the room he destroyed Jean calls it "Neil's dorm room", not Kevin's who he's known for actually longer. It's what makes me think that they have a chance at not being misplaced forever anymore.

Renee either hits you with hidden wisdom of the universe or with practical and brutal advice, and we love her for that

The two of them, the Two Of THEEEEEEEEM

Jean noticed how Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other's gravity, in each other's space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long.

Just leaving this here.

The airport bit :'(

"Men like Wymack didn't exist. They couldn't; they shouldn't."

Enter Jeremy Knox and his yo-yo in the middle of said airport. Flawless.

This man was put on Earth to test Jean, at least that's what he will keep thinking from here on

The rest of this book is Jean having conversations with people and not understanding them, bc he's been living for five (seven) years in a cult. It is an escalation pretty painful to watch, I think the Trojans are all of us :'(

Question: will Jean end up teaching Jeremy French? Will Jeremy learn by himself? I think I'd probably prefer the latter

Cat, the mess, the music, the tour, I love her so much

Jeremy "he's a little off" Knox, he was trying

Barkbark von Barkenstein

Jean Moreau and the real world (bubble tea? you have to shop for stuff? you sign things yourself? you leave campus? someone help this disoriented french bean)

"Something had gone horribly wrong at Evermore"

oh Jeremy

Watching Jeremy regret almost all his questions :'(

“Three fractured ribs. Sprained LCL. Twisted ankle. Broken nose. That’s most of it.” That’s most of it.

Laila, who pushed and got angry for Jean and didn't back down despite him lashing out, my beloved

You look like a Ken doll." + "This isn't blond."

"Not Grayson.[...] Please." that one made me sick, the writing made me feel even only a part of what Jean was feeling and it was enough to feel sick

The water :'(

Jean just leaving when confronted with Laila and Jeremy in swimsuits was very bi of him

Lucas coming in looking like a well know nightmare and the Ravens dropping like flies

I didn't ask.

It's not like I didn't know, right? But I still died inside

Zane and the betrayal

Jeremy didn’t let him get away with it. “That’s not the issue and you know it. I don’t want to crowd you.” “You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

Jean taking one look at the doctor sent by the coaches and going nope, Dobson will be definitely better

Jeremy seeing the nightmares and the scars and not being able to do much:(

A hand on his chin startled him into looking up. When he met Jean’s eyes, Jean only said, “Focus on what’s important.” “I am,” Jeremy said. Jean opened his mouth, closed it again, and let go of Jeremy without a word. Jeremy snagged his arm when he started to turn away. “Who did this to you?”

I'm sorry did he just

“It’s not about size, anyway.” “Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

“Say ‘yes, Jeremy’.” He had the distinct impression Jean wanted to roll his eyes. “Yes, Jeremy.” Jeremy forgot everything else he could have said in favor of staring. It was the first time he’d heard Jean say his name.

Are you seeing this? Yes? Good, let's go on

“If I ever make you uncomfortable or make you feel unsafe, will you promise to tell me? If you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong and why, at least trust me enough to tell me that something is wrong. I can’t fix things if I don’t know there’s a problem. As your captain and your partner, don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

The pool bit :'( and after when they tell there are no pools at Evermore. Riko is so lucky to already be dead :)

You’re forcing us to hurt you without giving us any say in the matter.”

Watching Jean trying to navigate his interactions with the Trojans was painful, frustrating but also hopeful. This boy has been hurt so much and so often, he doesn't get what normal looks like anymore. But the Trojans don't let him get away with it (even if it breaks their heart and the coaches will probably get a lot of grey hair from this)

"Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.” “You are naïve.” “Maybe you’ll define success by how we do this season, but I’m not obligated to do the same. You are going to be my success story: Jean Moreau the person, not Jean Moreau of the perfect Court. You take care of one, and I’ll take care of the other.” “That is not how it works.” “Is there a rule against it?” “There is no merit to it. This is all I am.” Jeremy ignored that and asked again, “Is there a rule against it?”

Jeremy gay panicking and the photo of Renee

The floozy line!

Every time Jeremy goes "our coaches" or "our teammates" all I can think in my head is "someone will die" "of fun!!!!"

Jean wondering if the Trojans have something against recruiting tall players xD

“Thank you for worrying about them. You’re a good man, Jean Moreau.” “A ridiculous sentiment,” he said. “I mean it,”

This man didn't even second guess himself, he had to ask because he knew and it didn't even occur to him to be silent. Excuse me sir? Shut up you are a good man

“I assumed the Trojans were idiots,” Jean said. “Now I think you are all insane.” “It’s a step up,” Cody said. “I’ll take it.”

The practices, the scars pt2

“It is all I am, Coach.”

“We did not want outsiders at Evermore.” “Except Neil,” Cat said. “Neil was a special case,” Jean allowed.

#accurate

You’re hurting me.” “It has been toward for five years,” Jean said, looking past Jeremy at the scrimmage that was still going on without them. “It is not that easy to undo.” Jeremy frowned at him and echoed, “Five? You were only with the Ravens for three.” “I moved into Evermore two years before I enrolled,” Jean said, and hauled Jeremy to one side. The stray ball that had been coming for them ricocheted off his chest instead of Jeremy’s back, and Jean scooped it up on the rebound with a quick snap of his wrist. He hurled it across the court toward Cody one-handed before finally letting go of Jeremy. “I will try harder.”

The notebooks breakdown hurt so bad bc Cat and Laila being angry for him (they are all of us), Jeremy trying to mediate bc he's been there, he pushed and Jean broke and he doesn't want to hurt him, and Jean who confesses his secrets without meaning to, just to realize and panic. What a recipe for a disaster.

“How dare they blame you for anything after what they did to you. How dare you grieve them.” It hit like a sucker punch, but Jean’s frustrated rejoinder was worse: “They don’t know.”

They don't know, but they could guess. They could smell the blood. They joked about his brittle bones. He was sixteen. I'm not sorry for the mercy I don't have after finishing this book

Jeremy could only watch in wretched silence as Jean tried to walk himself back from the edge. He cast his phone aside in favor of catching Jean’s face in his hands, and the way Jean flinched at his touch was almost his undoing. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Hey. Jean. Look at me.” Jean refused, and Jeremy grasped desperately for anything that could bring Jean back to him. He seized on the only thing he could and threw Jean’s words back at him: “You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.” It wouldn’t work, but it did. Jean opened his eyes to meet Jeremy’s stare. “I told you not to ask me about him.”

I had seen the quote before reading but no one told me what followed ç.ç

He felt a tremor in Jean’s hands, and for a blinding moment he was sure Jean would lean into the safety of this silent confession. But Jean only sucked in a slow breath and said, “Now I am not safe with you, captain.” Letting go of Jean was the hardest thing Jeremy had ever done. Everything in him railed against this, and for a moment he regretted giving Jean a way out.

I was not crying, I swear.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said, because he didn’t have the strength for small talk or a softer approach right now. “Did Riko break your hand?”

That was one heavy conversation and it's just the start (Jeremy is Not Fine™️)

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” “I will wait as long as it takes,” Jeremy said.

Still best boy

And maybe in many ways he still was, but a martyr could still be a monster when the cameras weren’t rolling.

Boy do I have news for you (do you think Jeremy will know that Riko didn't kill himself? Does it matter? I think not knowing this particular detail would be fine, I still don't really know how much this sunshine boy can take (more than I expected but still))

Did I mention that I really love the apartment trio? Cat and Laila agreeing to silence but still being angry (drag them girls, draaaaag them), the dinner and movie and Jean not getting up to leave

Did I mention Lucas is free to shut up and play? :) Because I get that you are angry, but 1) it's not your decision to make, we don't need your conspiracy theories 2) it's not Jean problem, he has enough of them leave him alone

“Ask him why he’s so sure the rumors are true. Ask him what his part in it was. If you’re going to believe him just because he’s blood, then at least make him tell you the truth.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas demanded.

And Jean still deciding not to lie, he may be an asshole but almost everyone he has known didn't deserve him

Also I don't know where Lucas got the audacity? You think there is something the justifies breaking a player's ribs?? What is wrong with you, you are part of the sunshine court

The dread when asking if Grayson was home

The bike ride :')

Now that they were settled, he expected an interrogation or a reason for this unscheduled trip out. When she failed to explain herself, Jean finally asked, “Why are we here?” “I love it here,” [...] “I don’t know. I just felt like some fresh air would do you good. There’s nothing like a ride to get you out of your head and into the moment, you know?” Jean considered that for a minute. “Thank you.”

Jean waited until he was out of earshot. “I don’t understand.” “Trust us,” Jeremy said tiredly. “Neither do we.”

Jean vs the Trojans, a summary

The monster shows up and it was a mess and Jean has never had a break, literally never

Which was extremely literal bc Lucas wanted to talk and then Neil shows up

I need a separate post for the last pages bc I started this 24 h ago and I want to do it justice. So part 2 coming.

Edit: I misspelled Jean's surname *facepalms and goes to hide*

[wanderpawn]

a plethora of smiles

BREAKING NEWS: THE IUDEX OF FONTAINE LOSES CONTROL AT TRIAL. DOES HE HAVE A SECRET PERSONALITY?

⟡ neuvifuri hurt/comfort ⟡

Warnings: Neuvillette has dissociative identity disorder and a switch is described, Neuvillette uses they/them pronouns, sfw, slight fluff at the end

link to ao3!

It's raining. 

Again. 

The streets of Fontaine have been utterly soaked for quite some time, not a single ray of sunlight has broken through the heavy layer of dark gray clouds for weeks now. 

The current heavy rainfall kept everyone shut away indoors at the moment, the streets barren, except for one specific individual. 

A peculiar one, the Iudex of Fontaine happened to do their best ruminating when standing amidst the solemn puddles, nothing short of soaked to the core. 

They stood, perpetually alone, their gaze fixated on the brick pathway in front of the Opera Epiclese, their face stained with the tears of a troubled oddball. (Though, if anyone had been outside, they wouldn’t have been able to tell they were crying, as the Chief Justice’s face was also wet from the rain.)

But then suddenly, the rain… stopped. 

And there was a shadow over their head.

Neuvillette sighed, dropping their shoulders, which they hadn't realized had been so tense. 

“Again with the umbrella, Lady Furina?”

She gave a small solemn chuckle. “Aren't you cold? You've been out here for a while,”

Neuvillette did not meet her questioning gaze. “You ask me that every time…. And the answer is still yes.”

The sound of the rain plink-plinking on the surface of Furina’s frilly umbrella filled the silence that arose between the two. Until finally, Furina cleared her throat. 

“I know you're upset about that case. The trial, I mean.”

Neuvillette shifted on their feet anxiously, peering at their shorter friend out of the corner of their eye.

“I never spoke to anyone about that. Anything you read in the papers is wrong.”

“You're making headlines, Neuvillette…. don't you think you should make some kind of statement?”

“I have nothing to say on this matter. End of story.”

“But you must—! Everyone's talking about it! Just make something up, if you have to!”

“End of story, Furina.” They reached a hand out from under the umbrella, feeling the rain fall on their gloved palm.

Silence enveloped the pair once more. Pitter-patter pitter-patter.

“Neuvillette…” Furina’s shaky hands fumbled with the umbrella handle as she re-gripped it.

“I know… it must be so hard… to live as many instead of one…”

The wind howled as a gust blew past them. Furina held a hand on top of her hat, squinting up at her dearest friend.

“Can't you tell me a little bit more about it…? You've only mentioned it once… and I care about you a lot, Neuvi. I want to help you, in any way I can.”

Another gust of wind blew past, bringing with it a discarded newspaper. Neuvillette flinched as they skimmed the headline:

BREAKING NEWS: THE IUDEX OF FONTAINE LOSES CONTROL AT TRIAL. DOES HE HAVE A SECRET PERSONALITY?

The Hydro Dragon let out a deep exhale. 

“It was poor wording on their part, that's for certain.”

“Neuvillette… .”

They turned slightly more towards Furina, their eyes finally meeting.

“It's something not many can come to understand… The fact that I am not the only Neuvillette existing in my mind… it's so… stressful….” They shuddered. 

“I know the article was just making a blatant accusation so readers would be interested. But the fact that it hit so close to home… of course, whoever wrote it has no idea how painful it is, to not know if you're the ‘real’ you… all the conflict within yourself… not being able to remember any of your past…. That's all it is. Painful.”

Furina reached out, carefully taking their hand in hers. 

“I've lived a long life, but really, it's like I was born a couple years ago, since I can't remember any of it. And the switching… oh, the incongruence....” Neuvillette dragged their free hand down their face exasperatedly. 

“I’m sorry, Neuvi… I'm so sorry you have to go through that,”

They sniffled, wiping a stray tear from their face. “It's alright, Furina. I will persist. I am needed here, and that gives me enough purpose to carry on.”

“I'm glad. You deserve happiness, though… not slander in the newspaper....”

“That's what happens… I get to a place where I finally feel truly happy, and then I switch, and it all goes away.”

Furina frowned. “Surely it can't be that volatile?”

Neuvillette merely nodded.

The rain had lightened at this point, as did the burden on Neuvillette’s shoulders, slightly. They stepped out from under the umbrella, feeling the cold wetness mingling with the warmth of their skin.

“Neuvillette… What did you even do in court that could have led to a headline like that…? Don't you yell ‘Silence!’ and ‘Order!’ every day?” 

The Chief Justice couldn't help but laugh at Furina’s wholehearted impressions of them on the job as they turned back to face her.

“Let's just say there's a part who isn't exactly 'professional enough’ to be conducting a court trial… They're rather… how do I say it… young. And whimsical. Much like you, Furina.”

“Much like me?! How have you been hiding them all this time?!”

“Well… not exactly like you. But they are a little more joyful and silly than the way I typically act.”

Furina’s eyes went wide as she noticed their change in demeanor. “Neuvillette… You're smiling… .”

And sure enough, a small, sweet smile graced their features. It was, however, a larger smile than Furina thought she’d ever seen on them.

Neuvillette raised a finger to their lips curiously. “What do you know… I am…. ”

“Is that because…”

Neuvillette was silent for a moment.

“Yes… yes, I think I did switch.”

Furina smiled too, at this point. “It's nice to see you in a better mood. Even if it is just temporary.”

Neuvillette’s smile widened. “What is life if not a series of temporary phases that each and every one of us go through?”

Furina laughed. She dropped the umbrella, taking their other hand in hers, and stepping closer.

“Furina, you'll get wet… your hair will be ruined….” Neuvillette exclaimed, glancing up at the gray clouds that were still pouring. Drip-drip, drip-drip. 

“It's okay. You're okay.”

And in this particular moment, as two close friends enjoyed the solemn weather together, with no one else around for miles, and with no worries about what the future might hold, everything was okay. 

And there were a plethora of smiles to prove it. 

HEADLINES TODAY: THE CHIEF JUSTICE’S RESPONSE! “IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH WHIMSICALITY, I ASK YOU NOT TO BREAK THE LAW IN FONTAINE. THANK YOU.”

All of this comes from personal experience. Except for, you know, being the headline of media slander ( ; ω ; )

Thank you so much for reading! 💙

[sgiandubh]

Jottings: Season 7, episode 6. A woman is... possibility

Contrary to what I usually do in here, just jotting down spontaneous impressions of the episodes, with no great pretension to anything, I had to re-watch Where The Waters Meet three times over last week. And it was all my fault, because this is truly a good and dense episode, that could have very well ended this half-season.

It also becomes more and more clear that my decision of not reading these damn books was a very poor choice. Probably because the storyline seems cramped, at times, I find myself gliding through moments and scenes with the very unpalatable sensation of bagging a munro without the right equipment. Not a good picture, I know. But bear in mind I just started Drums of Autumn and it already reads like a root canal intervention - sorry for the book purists. I should, however, hope to somehow catch up before part B of the season: no promises, though. If, by any stretch of my vivid imagination, I start to hear Herself's screechy voice in my head while reading, it immediately goes down the drain, despite my best intentions & effort.

But I digress. While Fort Ticonderoga is being evacuated with the help of the friendly Cherokees and their lightweight canoes, in Lallybroch there is a bit of fussing over Jemmy's cursing in Gaelic at school. Which leads to Roger being invited to give a wee lecture on the topic by a very enthusiastic Headmaster and yet another (Lord in heaven and all His cherubs) constipated domestic conversation with SS. The only cheerful thing about her is that self-assertive fringe, so 80s I could cry (I hate the Eighties with the passion I worship the Sixties, heh). And her grabbing me by the sleeve (Hello, people! Lookie here! I can haz acting! I am acting! ) every single time she has more than three lines on air is distracting and, again, annoying.

Walter Woodcock's demise instantly took me to Season 1, when that proud Scot was killed by the boar and Claire helped give him the good death he deserved. Not surprising at all, since the whole OL dynamic is a pendulum between loves, timelines and worlds.

The new Rollo dog looks less direwolfish than Rollo 1. #GoT, stopped watching upon Khaleesi's arrival at King's Landing. Never looked back.

Rob Cameron, you antagonist, you. That new acquaintance you instantly find too pushy not to feel suspicious about, and yet you can't afford to be irrationally rude to. Also, with no SS in sight, RR is pulling off his scenes quite fine & dandy, and with ease. What is that woman's dark secret? How can that be? Court is still in session, on this one. But give me more Hunters and less #Broger, dear God. I would take it any day, any way you see fit. I will be nice to everyone and take my vitamins. I will even consider jogging. But get them off my back, for Christ's sake!

Vandervaart. Consistent. Present. Owns his game. Elegant. Loved every single moment (Your servant, Madam - especially and for obvious reasons). A very, very good cast honoring both J and LJG. I can only fawn and paeans are not really my specialty. But I continue to be impressed and confident and I see great things for this talented kid.

Spoiler: I said yes, Claire. And just like that, with the click of the rifle's hammer, he tells her their whole world is yet again thrown upside down. Theirs is a dense scene, clearly dominated by S, whose mastery of voice and expression is once again flawless and thoroughly appreciated. She follows, at a - by now - completely symbiotic pace, but make no mistake: he gives her the cues. And I would take that subtle, unspeakable tenderness any day, gladly, if the writer's final choice was not to insist on what might be - perhaps unjustly - construed by some as geriatric porn. He still looks at her like that.

For that only, if not for all the rest, I will continue to watch it until the end. Because I feel you morally lose the right to criticize the moment you throw the towel and your opinion suddenly turns into bitching. Something I will most probably never do, as far as OL is concerned.

Onwards to Dreaded Seven. Let's see if I can be properly disgusted by poor acting yet again.

Credit given to @flllk. B&W is a great idea - the right kind of depth

[thegeminisage]

oh boy IT'S tng update time. last night* we watched "imaginary friend" and "i, borg."

*tonight. it's 1am. whatever. it's posting tomorrow when i'll be awake but busy. anyway im gonna have to start splitting these up so tumblr will stop FUCKING me re my character count

imaginary friend:

what i like about this episode and indeed tng as a whole is that the little girl was fucking adorable. tng fans, your show has at least one point of validity. whenever there was a child on tos i wanted to throw them out of the airlock because they acted possessed. all the children on tng inspire within me motherly concern.

HOWEVER. THERE SHOULD NOT BE. CHILDREN ON A STARSHIP.

we've gone over this at length. we don't need to do it again. i am sick to death of hearing myself talk about it. i want to stop. and yet. every. and i mean EVERY. SINGLE. PROBLEM. in this episode. happened because there were children on a starship.

problem #1: child is making up a fake imaginary friend instead of making real ones = it's because her dad hops from starship to starship

problem #2 her imaginary friend is real now and wants to drown her in the pool like in that one episode of s*pernatural = this is because an alien, from space, read her mind, which it could not have done if she wasn't in space on a starship

problem #3: the alien HATES the grownups and thinks they should die = because she is seeing the ship from a child's pov, because there are children on this starship

and on and on and on.

aside from this huge and ongoing point of contention it was solidly watchable. i liked the little girl. i like guinan. i like worf being a big old softie when he found them out of bounds. i like people not undermining deanna's counseling work. i liked the horrifically unsettling imaginary friend with laser eyes who definitely absolutely inspired 2.11 playthings.

can anyone tell me if the other star trek shows just let them have kids on the ships? ds9 i get because that's a space station but are there kids on the ship in enterprise? voyager? discovery? genuinely please write in i can't take living like this

i, borg:

ooooooh. ooh i am twirling my hair and kicking my feet and giggling about it. OHHH finally we get a good tng episode. and not just a good episode a GREAT episode. the liz community has forgiven tng. oh baby where do i even begin

okay, firstly, beverly. she so instantly sees someone injured and HAS to help, i mean HAS to, it's so good. it's very bonescore in a way that doesn't feel like they're trying to make her a cheap bones knockoff but rather a spiritual successor. he would have also helped his enemy rather than watching him die. hell, he DID do that and got quite literally mind-raped for his trouble, and he'd probably do it again. i was really really lukewarm on poor bev at first but she's come into her own so well and i'm proud of her

the borg himself - third of five, aw, just like seven of nine - but no, hugh - the name is dumb but whatever i'm glad he has one - was well-cast. it would have been easy to make him uncanny and an unpleasant presence onscreen (this was my biggest issue with data's daughter even though the ep DID make me cry, deeply sorry to data whomst i love the most). his "you will be assimilated resistance is futile" song and dance was actually really funny when played off of geordi's wry indifference. "ok, but before we get assimilated, can we please finish x test?" so true king

geordi's a natural choice to pair with this guy because when he's not being the creepiest person on earth to holodeck girls he's sociable, outgoing, and patient. PLUS he has experience befriending machines because of data. hugh actually reminded me of data in some ways because of his general lack of understanding re: humanity but - and this is critical to me - HE IS HUMAN

like, i feel like the episode didn't quite nail the point home hard enough possibly because they were afraid of the implications but the cold hard truth of the matter is that each and every person on the borg cube IS A PERSON. they have been assimilated, but we've twice now seen that it's possible to unassimilate them with only a few days of effort. picard (and guinan!) consider the entire collective their enemy but the collective is comprised of brainwashed prisoners. those fucked up little borg babies they found in the cube were assimilated as INFANTS - i assume they weren't born on the cube bc if the borg could reproduce on its own it wouldn't need to assimilate - but even if they were born on the cube, they had no choice but to be this. you know.

which is whyyyy it's so fucked picard was like yeah give hugh some digital poison let him carry it back to his cube and we'll kill them like ants <3 like, oh my god his lingering borg trauma or whatever. MWAH. when he told deanna he didn't wanna talk. when he and guinan had to trauma-bond while fencing. when he told geordi that he needed to unattach himself because it was nothing more than animal experimentation. STONE FUCKING COLD BY THE WAY. he is fighting in the war on animal experimentation on the side of animal experimentation. he was going to let his cre heal and feed that kid and then send him back laced with poison. diabolical <3

and, of course, when he didn't want to speak or associate that borg kid at all because that's who he used to be AND WHO HE STILL IS in some corner of his brain (!!!)

LIKE. WHEN HE WAS FINALLY CONVINCED TO INTERROGATE THIS KID. and IMMEDIATELY broke out the locutus voice. he still remembered all the protocol! the way of speaking! everything! i was so shocked and thrilled.

i love also how everyone who spoke to hugh came away extremely unsettled but also totally convinced of his humanity. even guinan, which was so fun, because she was even more anti-borg than picard at first and they were bonding over trauma and fantasy racism. that bit where hugh, who had only known about the concept of loneliness for like an hour, immediately pegged her as lonely after like three lines of dialogue. oh my GOD???

i was decently satisfied with the ending - obviously they couldn't send him back with poison nor could they protect him from the borg, but i wish they had informed him of the inevitable memory wipe before he made his choice. (a selfless choice! he loves geordi!!) still i think he mostly walked into it with eyes open. very sad but very proud of him.

my one tiny nitpick with this episode is that for all beverly's genuine and justified concern about hugh, i don't think theyre ever gonna address the fact that she shot and possibly killed some of the borg in the episode where picard got assimilated. i feel like after realizing they are all people, like hugh, she should also realize she's broken the hippocratic oath, and have a little crisis about it. i have no idea why we had the DOCTOR shooting and killing anybody but let alone if we aren't gonna get into that. i don't think anyone cares/cared except me though.

but tbh, for me this is one of the main draws of the borg. they're ALL brainwashed cyber-assassins and they're ALL prisoners and in theory ALL of them could be saved if only they would stop attacking first. sure, yeah, in fights you gotta do what you gotta do because your own life has gotta come first, but the unique scifi horror aspect of all of those guys being perfectly innocent people fucks and they should utilize it a little more!!!

NEXT TIME: "the next phase" and "the inner light."

[hey-august]

Hey I just came here to say I absolutely love your work. I've been into One Piece for awhile now, and throughout that time I've read just about every fic Tumblr provided. I've never commented on fics until only a few months ago, but now that the floodgates have opened I need every author I've ever read from to know how much I appreciate them.

Like, your works mean so much to me. I think about them all the time and come back to reread them whenever I can. They've helped me in my life so many times. They've inspired me to write for myself and indulge in my favorite show. I might cry as I'm writing this down because I can't really put into words just how much I love them. They're so important to me.

Thank you for writing, and thank you for giving me the chance to read them. Your stories will stick with me for literal years. 💖

I may or may not have shed tears reading this. And I may or may not have spent the last 20 minutes of work with tears in my eyes. (And if I did, I work from home so no one saw me crying at my desk.)

I don't know what to say, really. This means a lot to hear and I feel so honored. I also feel some water leaking from my eyes again...

Thank you for taking the time to tell me all of this! And thank you for taking the time to read my stories. And to re-read them - wow! I'm also the type to go back and re-read fics I've enjoyed, but I never really thought about how it would feel to hear that from a reader.

Not only am I absolutely honored to hear this myself, I'm also giddy that you're out there sharing your appreciation and joy with authors who inspire you.

It's such a wonderful feeling to pour yourself into something creative, so I am thrilled that you're writing as well! And to feel that wholeness that comes with thoroughly enjoying things that make you happy, like One Piece 🩷

Again, I truly cannot emphasize just how much these words and hearing from you means to me. That words I've written have not only been entertainment, but they mean so much to you and have impacted you, I- THANK YOU. Just, thank you.

[solarishashernoseinabook]

Okay. So. Long not-an-ask ask. Apologies. Might seem creepy(?) Weird(?) Unasked for(?) Trauma dumpy(?)No clue if this fits within normal social norms, but I had to go and tell you this, because I -need- you to know that you have meant the world to me and I feel like no thanks I could give you could ever be enough.

I'm sure you are aware by now that I am -quite- the fan of trr (solaris edition).

For the past 8 years of intense social issues, panick attacks and a whole other array of struggles, I have spent 7 of those thinking I might be autistic. I never dared do anything with it, part of a whole other trauma unrelated to this, but had the same struggles none the less. I tried not to research too much into autism, as I was deadly afraid of 'conforming to the diagnosis' because I was desperate to know why my life had crumbled the way it had.

For 7 years, I knew something was wrong, but could not, dared not, to get the help I needed.

March 14 I read your trr for the first time.

March 15 I had the biggest breakdown I had in a while, crying and crying reading 'Halt does research' where I read Halts flashback, and saw myself in my youth in a way I had never before.

I can't find the exact chapter/date for this one, but there were some bits where Crowley was kind and considerate and patient with Halt, and I cried and cried again. Knowing this is how I wanted to be treated, and what impact it would've had on my growing up if this had been given to me.

The first time around trr -wrecked- me, nor only on a story level, but on a deep and personal level. It made me see things I already suspected, knew, even, but pushed deep down out of an immeasurable fear of what it would mean.

I re-read trr 3-4 times (sometimes without comment spamming) between march 14 and october 8th.

October 8th I had my intake conversation at a diagnostic centre.

The strength and healing I pulled from your trr got me in that room. Your trr showed me who I had been, seeing me in a way that no story had ever seen me, and showing me what could be, too. The way I deserve to be treated and loved in a much more concrete manner than anything ever could.

Now, poetically enough, march again, the 17th, I got diagnosed. Autistic, with a higher need in social stuff and task-doing. I was just as I -should- be. Not broken, not imperfect, just wired differently. Due to planning issues, I have not yet received my official report, all I had this past week was a single stressfull conversation and my brain trying to convince me I heard it all wrong. (I did not)

I am so used to keeping myself together with glue and smiles, that I have not yet been able to process the impact of what this means. Not fully, at least.

But in march I read your trr. And I saw your Halt. And I saw me. And I cried in mourning and desperation. And in march, I read your Crowley, and I saw my options, my truth and what could be.

I spend so many words writing this (I am so sorry) and yet they don't feel enough. You have given me something I never could on my own, and I could never express to you what that means. I just. I needed you to know the impact you have had. The help I will now get because you chose to write a grumpy guy in a way that mattered.

Thank you. With every fiber of my being. Thank you.

Well, first things first: Congratulations are in order! Maybe you don't have the paper yet, but you're one of us - officially! Get a warm drink, a favourite treat, and have a you night with your cat

But on a more personal note: this ask also means a lot to me for reasons that would be extremely rambly if I explained them in full. I'm gonna try anyway.

I first started to suspect I was autistic when I was fifteen. I began to seriously suspect it, and make accommodations for myself as if I was autistic, when I was twenty-eight. I had a friend with ADHD whose brother had ADHD and autism, and through conversations with her about what her brother was like (I knew her through school, and hadn't met her brother in person), I grew more confident about being autistic...but still not fully confident. See, the way my 'tism works, I don't like to consider myself as anything unless I have incontrovertible proof of it. I was leery about eye contact, stimmed regularly, had to think about my facial expressions and tone of voice constantly, related to autistic people, hated too much sensory stimulation...but I didn't have proof. Feel free to laugh at me - I tease myself about this as well

Fast forward two years. I'm just preparing to publish the first chapter of The Royal Ranger. I'm nervous about it. I'd had the thought to make Halt autistic in it, but, well, I didn't have proof that I was autistic yet, did I? And I didn't have an autistic beta reader on the fic. So I gave myself an out. I clarified in the author's note that it was based on my own experience and not meant to be universal. I paid careful attention to how I felt so I could write Halt feeling the same way. Even in later chapters, when it came time to say what Halt saw when looking at people's faces, I had Caitlyn say it and framed it as a years-old conversation she was remembering. That way, if i was wrong, I had a cover

Things started to change before that though, on May 1st, 2022, when Angel made a post here on tumblr praising TRR. Having another autistic person openly say they related to Halt and loved his portrayal went a long way towards settling my mind. Angel started beta reading TRR, and when he never accused me of doing something completely wrong and off base, my mind settled further. I got better about saying I was autistic. And then other autistic people commented saying they related to Halt and saw themselves in him, and I realised that writing an allistic character was a lot harder than writing an autistic one because, oh yeah, they actually pick up on emotions, and all together the scales have tipped and we've hit my brain's standard of "incontrovertible proof"

So thank you for sending this in, and thanks for reading, and thanks for all the comments! I look forward to reread number six (I think we're on six now?) 😊

[dvar-trek]

February Romance Roundup

what a fucking month! most of these books were bad, but the good ones were so fucking good that i got scared to read anything else in case i had to knock them out of the top spots. mostly what i did instead was learn too much about real hockey players. i, uh. i don't want to talk about what my wikipedia history looks like right now. ANYWAY!

the best of:

there's a tie for first place. sorry. it's my roundup and i make the rules.

Season's Change by Cait Nary- book one in the Trade Season series. if i can convince you to read one hockey romance book, please let it be this one. the yearning. the fucking tenderness. fuck.

a veteran player (who is Going Thru It after having been harassed off his previous team) catches feelings for his roommate/teammate, who is. definitely for sure straight don't even worry about it. they help each other, like, grow as people and rebuild their lives, and it's funny and fond and it made my fucking chest hurt. it is really nothing like the captive prince trilogy, but the vibes are the same. i always read my faves multiple times, but i don't even want to tell you how many times i've already re-read this book. i am so fucking soft for these characters i can't even tell you.

Unwritten Rules by KD Casey- bounced off of this twice before i got sucked in, and then it rocketed to the top of the list. another one that is so fuckign tender. two guys who love each so goddamned much, but break up because one of them is entirely unable to stomach the idea of anyone else in the entire world knowing that he's gay (like, including other gay people), and the other one is suffocating under the pressure of not being able to be out to even his family or closest friends. and then a year and a half after the breakup, they see each other again and it is. exquisitely painful. and they have to decide how to work through it. yes this is another sports romance. don't @ me. (also, pro tip, pretty reliable way to make me cry: give me a story with people who are so fucking in love, but the love isn't enough. whether or not it has a happy ending, i will cry every time i talk about it forever.)

the rest of:

loved | liked | okay | didn't like

hockey

sports that are not hockey

 ●Contract Season by Cait Nary (second book in the Trade Season series. obviously had high hopes, considering, as discussed above, the first one wrecked me, but it is simply not as good. country singer and hockey player who hooked up one time get outed. in order to try and keep this from torpedoing their careers, they agree to pretend to be dating for the cameras. the plot had some weird back-and-forths, like, they both just kept fucking up the relationship in the same ways over and over. also, one of them was named Seamus, went by "Shay" for short, but spelled it "Sea". authors, please do not fucking do this. i have 25+ years of practice reading the word "sea" and it was so much work to get my brain to read this with the intended pronunciation.)

 ●Game Changer by Rachel Reid (book 1 in the Game Changers series. i had high hopes for this one too, because book 2 of this series is one of the most beloved stories in m/m hockey romance. however. it's not great. closeted hockey player fucks his way into a relationship for the first time in his life. but then after like, 2 fucking months, the boyfriend is like "if you don't come out, you have no integrity and also i will need to break up with you because i'm suffocating" which! the narrative treats as being the straightforwardly correct opinion! like, i'm sorry, queer couples have been dealing with not being out, or not being out to everyone, since forever. and the disagreement is not handled anywhere near as well as it is in Unwritten Rules. very difficult to take it seriously. idk. the writing is. fine. still on the waitlist for book 2, but 😕)

 ●Winging It (2015 edition) by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm giving myself credit for this even though i read the 2022 edition last month because it is essentially an entirely different book. the sex scenes are hotter than in the new edition, but it is otherwise weaker in every way. i give you permission to just skip this one.)

 ●Crushed Ice by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (the newly released Hockey Ever After book 4. not as good as the first 3, but still basically enjoyable and funny. just features way too many things that are extremely unlikely. this one is about an incredibly uptight veteran player and his rookie who is. uh. well, his nickname is Trouble, if that gives you an idea. loved the characters, did not love the romance.)

 ●Road Rules by Brigham Vaughn (nothing really wrong with it, but also nothing in particular to recommend it. novella-length story about best friends/teammates/roommates who start sleeping together even though they are both straight. and then it takes them basically the entire book to figure out that they're probably not straight, and also that everyone already thought they were dating anyway.)

 ●Hockey Guys by Sarina Bowen (these books feature very different characters, but have basically the same premise (closeted nhl player starts an ill-advised secret relationship with another man that they maintain is casual even though they catch feelings way too fast) and the same weaknesses (incredibly awkward and unnatural dialogue, and sex that's still hot enough but pretty formulaic). every time i start a sarina bowen book, i think it's going to be so much better than it is. i don't know why i'm still doing this to myself either.)

    ○The New Guy

    ○I'm Your Guy

everything else

 ●Dirty Players by KD Casey and Lauren Blakely (two baseball short stories in the same universe as Unwritten Rules. first one is about players on rival teams in the same city that have long-standing sexual tension. second one is about players in different divisions who have a one-night stand, and then end up traded to the same team. it is incredibly rare ime to find original romance novellas/short stories that still have good pacing, especially if there are sex scenes, and these both fucking nail it. not exactly groundbreaking works of fiction, but top marks for what they are.)

    ○Dirty Slide

    ○Dirty Steal

 ●Top of Her Game by M. Ullrich (y'all i tried so fucking hard to give this a fair chance because i know how embarrassingly little femslash i have on these lists, but i only made it halfway through. which is better than i did on any of the other femslash books i tried to pick up this month. it's not even that bad, it's just not any fun. at all. Kenzie is a rookie soccer player who ends up on the same professional team as Sutton, her idol/celebrity crush. Sutton already has a girlfriend, and also has a bad habit of falling for rookies who worship her, but ? it's different this time ??? because Kenzie's not like other girls????? i don't know, man.)

 ●Playing for Keeps by Riley Hart and Neve Wilder (story time: my mom grew up in china during the cultural revolution. foreign literature and anything that wasn't communist enough was illegal, and having it in your possession could get you arrested or worse. but my mom had a classmate whose dad had been a bookseller, and had a secret personal collection of great literature that he couldn't bear to part with, including shakespeare, tolstoy, dostoevsky, and verne. and this classmate used to smuggle in books that she would lend to my mom for one day at a time, and then return them before her dad noticed they were missing. so my mom read a lot of classics really really fast. the way she finished war and peace in one day was, in her words, by "skipping all the war". similarly, the way i got through a mediocre gay (american) football romance series was by skipping all the football. anyway, these are fine, but the writing quality takes a dive in the third.)

    ○Rookie Move (rookie player ends up on the same football team as his older brother's best friend, on whom he has a long-standing crush. they get assigned to be road roommates—which, side note, football players make hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars a year, there is no way they make standard-contract players have road roommates—and start having casual sex, which obviously leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)

    ○False Start (mid-career player gets traded to the city his ex used to play for (and still lives in). ends up moving in to his spare room until he can find a new place, and they start having casual sex, which is always a good idea, and of course leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)

    ○Illegal Contact (rival players who grew up in the same town have hate sex that gets very intense and possessive very fast. and. as you might guess. definitely leads to no complications or emotions whatsoever.)

thank you for participating in this roundup of highly variable quality! as a reward, please accept this special-edition photo of polwygle.

 ●String Theory by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James (i'm just gonna link you the goodreads description because i honestly don't know what else to say about this book. it's fine. the sex scenes are nothing special. there's a fair amount of therapy-speak. honestly not sure how these writers produce romances of such incredibly variable quality.)

 ●His Leading Man by Ashlyn Kane (tbh i have the exact same comments as above. here's the summary. nothing major to complain about or compliment.)

 ●Winner Bakes All by Alexis Hall

    ○Rosaline Palmer Takes the Cake (single mom competes on what is, for legal reasons, not the great british bake off. about what you expect from an Alexis Hall romance. sweet, so fucking funny, and a little awkward. the characters that suck really fucking suck, and the characters that you like are imperfect and lovable. doesn't quite measure up to my other Alexis Hall faves, but it's been a rough month. i'm grading on a curve.)

    ○Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble (takes place on the following season of not-bake-off. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this book is very funny and well-written, but i found it so incredibly painful to read. the pov character has the kind of undiagnosed, untreated anxiety that results in him constantly crying and apologizing profusely for how much he sucks, while continuing to make life very difficult for the people around him. when i got past the halfway point and he still wasn't in therapy, i seriously considered stopping. if you are a better and more patient person than i am, you may still love this book.)

 ●Roommate by Sarina Bowen (two guys in a small farm town rent a house together and fall in love. simply not very good! i don't think the author knows anything about the jobs she gave her main characters. it also does the thing where they both know they're into each other, but they won't just be together because ??? hand-wavey reasons ?? and then for other inexplicable hand-wavey reasons, they decide to just go for it. this is infuriating to me.)

[roalinda]

i try to crack what is so irresistebly compelling about prongsfoot. Was it the tragedy of canon? Or (i'm sold on this one) was it the absolute synch they had in bad and good, this shared edge in high magic level, wicked fun, reckless lifestyle and firm choice in wizarding war sides? they are amazing, terrible AND always inseparable> this level of togetherness hits hard.

Hello anon ♡

I had some health issues, so I am very sorry for the late reply. 🙈

First and foremost, I would like to point out that prongsfoot is a pairing that makes sense. It is THE pairing ( non canon-wise ) , specially in the Marauders' era. I'm not here to spread hate on any other pairings or saying this because I am a prongsfoot fan, I am just looking at it logically, beyond the excuses of - If this happened in that AU … - or - If X fell for Y… - 

Now let us proceed with your wonderful ask. ♡

Prongsfoot is a complete package deal, there is no need to add dysfunctional wild imagination to it. By wild imagination I don't mean vast fan creator imagination, those are necessary for a good fan work. What I mean is that there is no need to change their base into something that doesn't exist. There is tragedy, there is angst, there is enabling and co-dependency, there is darkness and light, there are shenanigans. 

You have all of them in prongsfoot. You don't need to make them handsome or bright. You don't need to make them morally grey. You don't need to make them heroes and villains. James Potter and Sirius Black are canonically like that and it works so great like a magnet. 

They ruin and rebuild, wreck and reconstruct, all in one go.

Personally, I think one of the most attractive parts about prongsfoot is the way they enable and indulge each other shamelessly. We have not seen much of it but from what we saw, they don't care about other people's opinions and reactions as long as they can satisfy the other. Yes, James likes attention and Sirius has him on leash, but the depth of their entertainment is private. What we saw was the negative part of this deep enabling but I think what most people fail to realize ( or do not want to acknowledge ) is that this can have a positive side as well, which again, is only directed towards each other, no one else. The possessive protectiveness they share is one of these traits. That is why Sirius was in pieces when he lost James, because that protection backfired. 

The tragedy of canon is something that hits so deep and is so devastating that it gets worse and worse with every book re-read. With every re-read the lines get a new meaning and when I am comparing my understanding of them to years ago when I first read HP, I can't help but to realize how age and several re-readings can change one's view on how a character works. It's canon that Sirius and James were glued together. I just can't imagine James' pain when he was faced with Voldemort, knowing that he is going to die without seeing his soul mate one last time, knowing what it will do to Sirius and still be brave enough to stand in Voldemort's way to buy Lily time, a time that he knows is probably useless. 

Just thinking about that and James' desperate try to protect his family at that single moment breaks my heart. Like, all these thoughts coming to him in less than a second and then…sudden silence and death. 😭

James Potter was a brave man who died an honorable death and I am not accepting otherwise. Also anon, I am crying right now ( not kidding) because I am an absolute crybaby for James and Sirius and their tragedy.

The way they are in sync and harmonic is just on a whole another level. They are that kinda couple that can finish each other's sentences or can't pull pranks on each other even if they want to because they always know what the other is thinking. They are trusting and private. The world sees them as a pair of mischievous brothers but in reality they live in a private crystal globe. Others can watch from outside, but they don't know what is happening inside, what their secrets are, or exactly what their bond is.

That is what makes prongsfoot so beguiling. Their love is in plain sight yet is hidden under the surface because they are so entangled that no one knows when they are romancing each other and when they are not and Remus and Peter have suffer through all these platonic/romantic gestures. 

Thank you for the ask. ♡