#and now that i've gotten better with physical contact in general

[always-andromeda]

Can you write an Adam Warlock x GN! Reader Smut fic? You can write it however you want...I'm just desperate for non fem smut fics of adam

– ⭒ 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝 ⭒ –

𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐱 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ▹ 1,283

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ▹ Being friends with benefits messes with Adam's head far more than either of you are willing to let on.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ▹ I don't think I've ever done gn!reader smut? So I'm really hoping that I did this justice for you, anon!! This little concept popped into my head randomly because I can so easily see Adam falling into this kind of situation. Also, I am so sorry my writing has been so sporadic lately </3 I’ve been having various health struggles for the last month and haven’t been super cognizant lmao.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ▹ smut (minors, please do not interact), reader's appearance, pronouns, and genitals aren't specified, thigh riding, general heavy petting, little bits of friends with benefits angst, kind of implied dom!reader and sub!Adam (if you squint), nothing else I can think of!!

No matter how many times you and Adam end up like this, he still finds himself questioning what exactly is going on. Your lips move so fast and he's just trying to keep up; trying not to let on just how long he's been craving the taste. Which has basically been since the last time you kissed him about a week prior.

It'd been after the team's last mission went particularly well. Quickly – and without any of the other Guardians seeing – you'd placed a chaste kiss on his lips and commended him for his performance. It was so fast and your tone had been so matter-of-fact that Adam had second guessed it had even happened to begin with. It wouldn't be too surprising if he started fantasizing about you.

Unfortunately for him, that was just you and your mixed messages. One minute you were all business and the next you were like this: keeping him anchored in place with a hand on his cheek as you took his breath away.

He supposes he can’t blame you. It made sense, wanting to keep a relationship like this hidden from the others. Though he wasn’t particularly well versed on the sensibilities of those around him, he could imagine this not being a good look for either of you.

And though he may not care what the others thought of him, you seemed to care. And that was enough to mean something to him too.

"You gonna touch me?" you rasp hurriedly.

Yes. Every single time it was a resounding yes. Even if his mind was telling him that he was in too deep, he couldn't help but dig himself deeper. He hates himself for it, but secretly he hopes that at some point he'll find more than the physical contact you provide. Maybe someday he'll hit some underground bunker and that you'd be gracious enough to let him in.

So he nods vigorously, his verbal agreement reduced to a hum as he captures your lips with his once more.

He's still inexperienced and, God, he hopes that you can at least tell that he's trying to learn. For example, he's gotten better at letting you take control. The first few times his hubris had gotten the better of him, making the encounter feel more like a power struggle than a release of stress. Now, he lets you set the pace; lets you figure out right where you want to be.

And right now you want him pressed up against the wall of the ship. You want his leg between yours. And you want to feel his chest heaving as you grind down on him in the secluded and quiet darkness of the hangar.

As soon as Adam pulls back long enough to meet your eyes, he catches the glint of want in them. Then he watches how your gaze sweeps downward. Right to his strong thigh.

You're both grateful that Adam's such a quick learner because he catches the hint before you have a chance to get impatient. With his back against the wall, Adam half expects it to crumble behind him as the scene before him unfurls.

His hands on your lower back keep you steady against his rigid torso. You're so close that he has no choice but to look in your eyes once more. They're half lidded and dark, already almost fucked out despite the fact that you've only just begun to grind against his thigh.

Adam holds you closer, increasing the pressure that comes with each brush of your hips. And pride floods his chest cavity when you groan deeply.

You let out a staggered little laugh, "Fuck, you're so good at this, Adam."

"Only as good as you've taught me to be," he quips with a tinge of tenderness. After all, there's something special to being so tuned into your body like this. He wouldn't trade that mastery for anything. The sentiment comes through tenfold when he nuzzles his nose against yours.

Briefly, his forehead touches yours. You feel the slight chill of the smooth golden gem that's right between his prominent brow. And it becomes all too apparent to you once more who he is; what he is. The chances that this means anything more to him are very little. What could one touch-starved mortal mean to a golden, god-like being?

You merely roll your eyes and dip your head against his chest, hiding from both his soft expression and the impending wave of pleasure that both threaten to knock you off your feet.

Truth told, with your body all over his, all Adam feels is the warmth. There's your hot breath as you work yourself closer and closer towards the edge. Then there's the pulsing heat between your legs that makes him painfully hard. That combined with the cramped confines of the hangar has him picturing you both discard your stifling jumpsuits.

His wishful thinking is interrupted by a groan that gets caught in your throat. "Ah, fuck, I'm so close–" you pant.

Before you know it, one of his hands snakes around the nape of your neck, cradling your head as it lolls back. Then his lips are on the side of your throat, kissing and nipping at the flesh as it trembles from the vibrations from your hums of pleasure. You can't help but wonder if he's somehow trying to absorb your sounds. Either way, the action makes you acutely aware of his strength once more.

If you didn't know any better, you'd fully believe that every part of him was built for this.

But you do know better.

Adam pulls back to chuckle, "I can't wait until we get back home."

And there's where the guilt starts to set in. Like clockwork, it inevitably hits. Whenever he talks so eagerly, you can't help but feel that giant pit in your stomach.

You try to match his energy with a hesitant smile. "What, being down here isn't enough for you?"

"Of course not," Adam furrows his brow teasingly. "Maybe we could have a night to ourselves when we get back."

The cavernous pit grows. You can practically feel your soul shriveling away as you mutter, "Maybe we should lay low for a while. Don't want the others to get any ideas."

Don't want either of us getting ideas too, you want to say.

The way the light fades from his eyes makes you feel worse. But he agrees. He says a small, "You're probably right," and you wish more than anything that you were wrong.

You don't care if the others catch on. Something else about this intimacy bothered you. Because if there was anything that being with the Guardians had taught you, it was that no matter how important love was...things would always happen.

You thought back to Peter and how lost he was when the team had lost Gamora. As much as he'd hated to admit it, that love and loss had changed him so thoroughly that the idea of it happening to you was terrifying.

Adam may not have been the child of a genocidal warlord. But he was still the child of an unstoppable master race of superhuman beings. And no matter how normal things may feel, especially being with him like this, you could never kid yourself into believing it could ever actually be normal.

So you offer him a halfhearted apology. You push yourself off his chest and shakily regain your own balance before returning to the upper decks. Most importantly, you don't look back. And you hope that sends your message sufficiently. That he stops wanting this. Because you doubt you could stop wanting him on your own.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i showed up to someone's house unannounced to get closure?

cw: brief s/a mention, kidnapping, stalking but not in detail 

ok, so I (30F) had a years long very close friendship with A (30F) when we were in school. close to us graduating high school, she met K (M, 31) and they started dating. K gave me weird vibes (he made r*** jokes and was kind of a fuckboy) but she liked him so it was whatever.  Fast forward to us graduating high school. I leave the state for a several months and an injury brings me back. A and I are still friends and I find out she broke up with K. She also tells me that when they were dating he s/a'd her while she was drunk (but she "didn't mind/it wasn't r*** cuz she "couldn't feel it and he was gentle"), kidnapped her from a party to "take care of her while she was drunk", and stalked her house. I was very upset and immediately hated this guy. But I also noticed that for some reason she was trying very hard to get him back (ie dressing up like one of his favorite youtubers (who had a very distinct and gimmicky style), dying her hair, just generally being...different). I have to leave the state again. 

I find out later that A and K are dating a year later. I'm infuriated and tell her I don't like him, that the thought of him makes me physically ill (I had undiagnosed anxiety at the time), and how can she date him when he did all those things to her. she tells me that he got therapy and that he's really nice to her now and that she's happy. she also tells me that her mom kicked her out of the house because they were dating (mom didn't like her either). Anyway, I tell A that I love her and that I still want to see her when I visit home / talk to her / etc but the stipulation is that K can't be there because I will probably be physically nauseated the whole time. she tells me i need to respect her dating decisions, but that she'll keep him out of our interactions.

a few years later (we're still talking on an off, but not a ton), i am about to leave the country. i contact her again and apologize for not respecting her decisions and that i was only reacting to the things she told me about him. she says it's okay. fast forward i leave the country, have to reset my phone, and in the process lose her number. i try to contact her a few times via facebook but she doesn't answer me. several months go by, nothing. i get the "read by" message though, so i know she's on facebook. i also find out that she and K had a "picturesque" fairytale theme wedding and i can only look at one picture before getting sick to my stomach again. i decide to cut my losses and let the friendship be over. 

here's where the stupid thing starts. since we stopped talking, i've had at least 10 dreams a year about her. i've gotten therapy (not for this situation specifically but i've talked about it in therapy), written/torn up a symbolic "letter" to her, blocked her on all my socials, made good friends, gotten married to a loving spouse (who is my best friend!), have a job i love, and am pretty happy now. and really don't think of A anymore. but for some reason, the dreams persist and make me very frustrated. they're always about us rekindling our friendship or me apologizing to her about things. i've tried ignoring the dreams, accept that they're just my subconscious processing things, accept that the subconscious is just being fuckin weird, etc. i've basically moved on from this whole situation except for these god damn dreams. 

now here's where i might be the asshole. i looked her up online because the dreams were driving me crazy. it doesn't have her cell number but it does have a new address that might belong to her. i'm going to my home state next month. i haven't talked to her since 2017. aita if i showed up to her house unannounced to verify with my own eyes that she's okay and happy and maybe get closure? if that's even what i need? is there a better way to stop having these dreams?  

please tag as "dragonfly" so i can find the post later. thank you in advance to anyone with advice. 

What are these acronyms?

[dutchdread]

Rebirth Update 7

Well, I am 50 hours in, and just about finishing up the coral intel quests in chapter 9. Man this game is weird in the most hilarious way. Watching 7 johnnys was surreal, as was the talking kid rock lookin goblin. 'Having' to go through all the side-stuff is getting a bit tiresome, because man is there a lot of it, and the amount of mini-games is unreal. They really went all out trying to be authentic to the OG in that regard. That having been said, exploring continues to be amazing, I keep getting impressed by the intricate world design, and every time I reach a new mana spring and hear those notes play I feel like I am playing some sort of "environmental awareness" serious game and honestly I love it. I've gotten really used to the combat and man does Tifa once again just destroy everything. I especially enjoy combining HP absorb with enemy skill and using the electric charge attack and a bunch of ATB boosting materia to make Tifa a constant live wire. The scene with Dyne broke me, man that was well handled and I don't remember the last time a scene in a game hit me that hard, might have been the ending to nier: automata all the way back in 2017. Speaking of Nier: Automata, one thing I could have done without was Dyne randomly generating an Eve style mechanical arm. That was just flash for flashs sake and it was unnecessary, the core of the scene was strong enough that it could have just been two guys tragically shooting at each other and the fight and scene would have been better for it. Another near perfect scene was the first date with Tifa and Cloud in the golden saucer, MAN that felt natural. Now that is chemistry people, just two people happy and comfortable in each others company. The most telling thing is how eager Cloud when Tifa initiates physical contact with him. I haven't looked into which scenes are optional, I'll leave all that "break down" stuff until after I've finished the game, but if that scene isn't optional than that by itself should honestly be enough to end this entire debate. Another fun scene had Yuffie teasing cloud about perhaps cloning Tifa and I have to say, Clouds reaction to that was juicy to say the least. I also wonder if there are multiple voice lines there as well because they were NOT subtle about what Cloud felt about the idea of multiple Tifas. The game in general has a lot more adult content than I expected, especially compared to remake, a good amount of blood (Tifa should have been hurt more for Clouds confusion to make sense) I've seen several references to sex with various levels of explicitness, a bunch of swearing, I've even seen someone straight up call a penis a dick which I never expected to see in my Final fantasy VIIs to be honest, but I love it.

The Zack scenes are interesting but so far so little is happening there. It is always good to see Zack being a good dude in general though so seeing him rush to help Marlene is sweet, you can clearly tell the voice actress has aged though, which, duh, but still unfortunate.

Anyway, time to sleep and work, tomorrow I'm finishing up Coral and I am guessing I'm heading to Gongaga.

[kangyongshin]

⭐ My Little Star ⭐

Hwang Hyunjin x Reader

Genre: Comfort and Fluff ( pt.2 )

Summary: Reader is tired/stressed/anxious, y'know those horrible days where you just feel sad? Yeah, Hyunjin's here to make them better!

___________________________________________

This time kissing my forehead and making eye contact with my teary eyes.

- Okay, I will. I always will. I feel at ease when I'm with you. And you're also at ease, when you're not...I want to be the one to help you like what you're for me right now.

- I know, I know, my little star. This is what a relationship is, no? It's a two-way thing. I give love, you love me back. I open up to you, you open up to me. You always tell me the first things that come to your mind, as do I. The list goes on. It's okay, it'll be alright. Trust me, even if the world burns I'll be there for you. Not, always in physical form, but mentally I will be there for you. So, it's okay to cry every now and then. It's better to let out your frustrations now then bottle them up and let them out on someone that didn't deserve the scolding.- Hyunjin said, getting a bit teary eyed himself, as he put our foreheads together and we just closed our eyes and there were light sounds of water droplets.

Down from the sky and from the eye.

The outside sky had gotten cloudier since daytime, not many leave the comfort of their house during the weekends. And so, the streets were generally quiet. You could hear the water droplets pitter-patter on the window and the occasional splash in the puddles made by the now dirty rainwater.

The two of you just sat there on the bed and cried out your frustrations by holding each other close, so much so that you two just sat there for an hour.

Ranting and listening to each other's week and genuinely enjoying the time in each other's embrace, while comforting and laughing at little funny details just to make it more lively.

Now, laying down on the bed and lighting the mood.

- Y/n~

- Yess~

- I see that you're feeling better now.

- A LOT better, thanks to you dear~ Oh, and have I ever told you how much I love you~

- Oh~ hmmm~ let me think.~ No? How about you say it to me now and I'll try and remember if I've felt the feeling before~ - he teased giving me a pouty face and then kissed my nose.

- I looovvveeeee~ - Me!- Myself!(Y/n said) -No! Wait oh yeah you you should. BUT YOU SHOULD ALSO LOVE MEEE!!!~~- he whined the latter part.

- I do~~

- Then say itttt~~ - he continued whining.

- I love you~

- Good.

- What.

- What?

- Say it back~!!- I whined this time.

- Why? Why should- Do you not love me?- I dramatically said and placed my hand on my forehead.

- Hmph! Fine then I love~- Yourself- Myself!- we said at the same time.

- HA! I knew it!- I exclaimed in victory.- Of course you did. Because I love you so much~- We practically share the same braincells!- I said to which we both laughed.

This day was much needed to relieve the accumulated streets of this week, and probably the ones built on top of it from previous weeks.

[solarishashernoseinabook]

Hi, so I thought I'd ask you this because you'd know: I think I may have autism. I was never diagnosed as a child, but I was pretty sheltered so idk how that factors in. I'm an adult now, and I have persisent issues with sensory stuff, fidgeting, interacting with people, and so on. It may just be related to my depression. However, as Ive made the transistion to adulthood I just keep realizing I function way different than others are comfortable with. Am I just overreacting?

Nope, I don't think it's an overraction at all! I could go on a very long tangent about this, but what it comes down to is: does identifying as autistic help you understand yourself better, and can you use that to help you manage your problems?

Does identifying as autistic help you understand yourself better? I first thought I might be autistic about fifteen years ago. At the time, though, I had a very stereotypical view of autism because I was only exposed to high-support-needs autistic people (hard avoiding eye contact, predominantly non-verbal, very obvious stimming, etc.). As I've gotten to know a wider variety of autistic people, though, I've started realising that a lot of stuff I thought were just quirks about myself were autistic traits. I don't feel all that comfortable looking at eyes, or faces in general, unless they're someone I know well (my best friend, my family) - though I'm still trying to sort out my boundaries around eye contact. Figuring out I'm autistic helped me identify my sensory issues as falling into clear patterns instead of being random things that bugged me, and it helped me realise that a lot of things were stims! But a lot of my stims are atypical. For example, I love pressure as a stim - like putting clothes pegs or hair clips on my fingers, or clipping a pen to my lip or finger. It also let me realise text is a visual stim, which is why I actually read slowly unless I'm forcing myself to get through something quickly and why I have trouble watching any show that I can only access with subtitles - just looking at text, even without reading it, is hugely calming for me.

For years, my biggest sense of imposter syndrome was around special interests. I didn't have any classic special interests that you see all the time in fiction, besides an interest in animals and natural history - but it didn't seem to manifest the same way special interests normally did, because while I love talking and learning about them, my entire personality isn't based around them. Once again, learning about autism helped me realise I do have special interests, including animals and natural history - and one of those interests is worldbuilding! I love creating settings, social mores, explanations, etc. Introduce me to a legend or mystery and my brain will start building something around it! I also realised that books, as objects, are a special interest for me - I like having physical books around, holding books, etc. Just touching a book is hugely calming for me. Once I learned that special interests could take more forms than just "can name hundreds of types of trains" or "wants everything to be Mickey Mouse related in some way", I noticed I had a fair few special interests and realised how big of a role they played in my life!

The social difficulty was the last hurdle for me. Actually, doing image descriptions consistently helped me figure out that I can't interpret faces or tone very well! I went a surprisingly long time genuinely believing most people go through social situations emoting very little and with flat voices. As it turns out, my brain just interprets all facial expressions/tones of voice as "neutral" unless there's a very strong emotion attached! I remember one time being in the break room at work, and one of my coworkers was on the verge of tears about something - but I had no clue, because she seemed neutral to me, despite other people asking her if she was okay. It was only once she started sobbing and tears were on her cheeks that I realised she was upset and comforted her. Once again, realising that I don't perceive emotions at all unless they're very blatant has helped me figure out a lot of things that didn't make sense before - like why so many people would seemingly have abrupt changes of heart and get annoyed at me "for no reason", or why I have an easier time interacting with little kids (they tend to be very open with their emotions because they feel everything strongly, so I can read them better) - and why most of the friends I've made are people who wear their hearts on their sleeves!

Can you use that knowledge to help you manage your problems? Pretty much as soon as I recognised a pattern in my sensory issues, I planned around them and could solve them. I've adjusted my wardrobe around the fact that I have trouble with having things too close around my neck, and take noise cancelling headphones with me places. I recognised what stims I have, got some fidget toys (I have a spinner ring that I have on me at all times), and recognise when I'm getting overwhelmed so I can get out of a situation, or at least take steps to mitigate it. But these have come up in other ways, as well.

It's often said that autistic people like routine. In my case, that manifests more as wanting to have an idea of what's going to happen and when and in what order it will happen, and sudden changes to this get me cranky. Uncertainty, especially regarding something I've been told I can do, can be hard to deal with. For example: one of my best friends has ADHD, and pretty much every time she comes to visit me she forgets something at my place - which is a bit of a problem when she lives a few hours away and is busy with school and work! One time, when she was coming for a week's visit, we agreed beforehand that I'd help her make a list of everything she had brought and where she had packed it so she could easily check if she had it with her before she left. I was excited to do it, and figured it would happen very soon after she got to my place. But when she got there it turned out she wasn't planning on unpacking right away, and within minutes I had pestered her so much about when I would be allowed to make her list that she got annoyed about me asking - she felt like I was pressuring her when she didn't have the energy to do it, when I wanted a clear timeline and an assurance that we would do it at some point. Ever since I realised I have that routine issue, I've started consciously telling myself that most days will happen with only a rough routine, or I give myself alternatives if a routine falls through. Like, "If this class doesn't come to my library at the time I expect, I'll spend time cataloguing these books instead" - either way, then, I'm following a routine! I can spin my spinner ring a few times to calm down during the transition period between events and I'll be just fine.

Similarly, once I realised there were a lot of unstated social expectations that I simply wasn't picking up on, I started taking initiative and actually asking about them. As it turns out, no one seems to mind - at least, I've never had any trouble getting answers! Once I started doing that, I ended up having an easier time meeting people's expectations, but if I hadn't realised that autism made me miss those rules in the first place, I would've kept going doing what I was doing, which just resulted in miscommunications.

Can your issues be caused by social isolation and depression? Maybe! But you could also be putting the cart before the horse, so to speak - your social isolation might be the result of autism, and it's very common for undiagnosed autistic people to end up with depression. One of the things that settled it for me was that I genuinely found autistic people and people with ADHD more predictable than neurotypicals - every day I'm baffled by something a neurotypical person does, but I can sniff out someone who's autistic or got ADHD from a mile away and figure them out quickly because their behaviour follows similar patterns to mine. I talk a lot about making Halt clearly autistic in The Royal Ranger, for example, but honestly a much harder thing for me has been remembering to keep everyone else neurotypical - I often have to think hard to figure out how Crowley would interpret something without an autistic lens there to colour it! But ultimately, whatever the cause, if you find autistic terms useful for you, use them! If they help you, they're free for you to use. If they don't, you have no obligation to. And most importantly, don't feel like you have to figure this all out right away - I first started seriously debating if I was autistic when I was fifteen, and only got comfortable actually calling myself autistic when I was closer to thirty!

[thespellweavingspirit]

hello, this is the anon from before 🌀. thank you so much for taking the time to give me so much information on energy suns. it has really resonated; and to be honest a lot of things clicked for me while reading, particularly about interpersonal relationships. unfortunately i have experienced a few extremely abusive relationships (familial and outside the family as well) as well as what i thought were friendships but turned out to be rather dark. i'm not sure all were energy vampires, but the gist of it is, a common thing is that people have hounded me to connect with them. much much more than what other people have experienced, and multiple times, with unrelated people, for my whole life. this would be nice if they had not turned out to have been extremely messed up in unique and creative ways, to say the least. in addition, most situations where i have put my foot down and retreated myself from the other person or group by disagreeing, etc- has launched what could amount to be a full scale attack where people do not want me to leave, are furious that i am distancing/disagreeing, and this has happened both in personal relationships one in one and in group dynamics, with unrelated people. this isn't everyone- thankfully- but it has been so utterly depressing. a majority of the people in my life have exhibited this behavior, and almost everyone who has gotten close to me/is family has been the worst at this. i even experience this with people i'm not close to (rarer but it has happened) like if i energetically/emotionally/psychologically leave- not even physically- it triggers a rage response where they try to control me. i think i have unusual circumstances compared to most- i've experienced a lot of abuse from my family and others. i've had better luck with friends but have had a few very bad apples, and only a few people who do not freak me out. i know that's all very personal and strange, but i was wondering if you had experienced similar? thank you for taking the time, and if i ever overstep please let me know.

Hello again, love! I'm so glad all that information resonated with you, I hope you'll find some of it useful as well. I am so, so sorry that you've had to go through all that. Abusive/toxic relationships are taxing and stressful as all hell. I'm not actually certain if experiencing toxic and abusive relationships to this degree is part of being a sun, but yes, I have experienced more than my fair share of them. For me, though, instead of people wanting to get close to me to try to control me (except in the case of my parental unit), I have a long history of people just abandoning me out of nowhere and then talking behind my back. I did have an experience a few years ago where I was being harassed over the internet and that lasted for around a year. Generally, though, nowadays my interpersonal relationships have been pretty stress-free because I've gotten good at cutting toxicity out of my life, and those I didn't cut out actually started therapy and are much better to be around now.

Non-magically, the behaviors you've described sound very much like you often run into narcissists. And the problem with those types of people is they often don't recognize that they are or have been doing anything wrong at all. My roommate and best friend have a narcissist for a mother, and after some particularly nasty shit that went down, we've all cut contact with her because sometimes, that's the best thing you can do.

Have you ever heard of a cord-cutting ritual? There are many ways to do it, the most popular is with actual cord and candles. Cord-cutting rituals can be helpful when there are people hounding you in life that you've asked to leave you alone but aren't, or if you've cut someone out but that someone still holds sway in your life through things they've done or said to you that haunt you. It's a form of cleansing as well as fate work. Obviously, if you don't also tell this person to leave you alone and take the necessary steps to distance yourself from them a cord-cutting ritual alone won't work as well. If you run into these types of people quite often, it may be helpful for you to learn how to perform this ritual. I don't have anything on it but since it's such a well-known form of magic I don't think it would be hard for you to find a few methods you can try online.

Bringing this back around to energy suns; I do know that we tend to attract certain types of people/entities without meaning to. For my specific flavor of energy, I've noticed I attract a lot of magical humans, fae, and dragons. Lots of dragons. Right now, in the apartment I'm living, both of my neighbors just happened to be witches. If you're attracting a lot of negative people, energy screens may really be able to help you in that regard, since you can alter a screen to act similarly to glamour as well. For certain combinations of energies, you can program a screen to make your energy appear different from them.

[tonysaintborgi]

Feel free to respond tomorrow, I just don't wanna forget so I'm sending now!

I've tried products like that before but I'm not sure they work for me personally. To give a little insight into my particular flavor of ocd, I tier things into different categories of "dirty" and I cannot cross contaminate something cleaner with something dirtier, and it's hard for me to keep something like that in the clean category. I'm not sure why, maybe texture? My regular lotion is also hard and I have special protocols for it.

Tbh these loops come and go and I've never been sure how to break them. This one was triggered but they usually kinda just happen randomly

ough. well, again, perhaps this advice isn't as good as it could be, but after brainstorming I can think of a few ideas.

first, dr. bronners. i know, again, a product. and a soap at that! but here's what I Know: the secrets of life and love CAN be found on that label manifesto and if there was such a thing as a magic elixir it's bronners soap. every time I've had a skin irritation or anything, it really feels like bronners helps. put like a tablespoon of bronners into a squirtbottle and fill the rest with water and you'll have a perfect all purpose cleaner that you can smell. it certainly makes ME feel like things are just generally cleaner. again, this one may actually be bad advice for you, but I'm just throwing things at the wall and hoping they stick - and if they don't stick to the wall, at least, i got a reccomendation on what to use to clean that wall...

secondly, fight your impulses and brainrules with other impulses or brainrules. like that one post says, sometimes you gotta get a little ill to get well. make new rules! like "gross things cannot contaminate me without direct prolonged contact if I'm listening to the crisp clean sounds of Casiopea" - sure, it sounds stupid, but it may just work. and having to listen to Mint Jams when you wash your hands may sound annoying, but I'm assuming it's probably at worst an even trade-off for how annoying your brain is right now. and brains just fucking LOVE patterns like that. just keep telling it the smooth and crisp fusion vibes are part of cleanliness and they enhance the experience and fuckin... it might just eat it up!

third, a cleansing spell. mostly for the same reason as above. tell your brain you've not only physically cleaned the area but by lighting a few vibes candles and a temple incense you've also spiritually purified the area. help it feel like you're going above and beyond cleaning to scratch the itch(?).

equally, you could always purposefully go out of your way to make the area dirty, then clean it, to satisfy the need for cleanliness. again, scratching the itch. brain says that place is dirty even though logically it isn't? and cleaning a clean thing does fuck all. so maybe it's time to say, accidentally spill a can of tomato sauce or something and clean it up, showing brain that yeah dude the place IS clean

final idea, and perhaps the most hail mary remedial idea i can think of, is the Fast Tigers thing. squat/lay down (I'm assuming squatting is probably better in this situation) and tighten all of your muscles all over your body and hold for 5-10 seconds then release the tension. chemically tells your brain to chill.

again, idk how many of these will do you good, if any... i mean, I hope so! I hope something helps. I'll keep thinking, see if i can come up with anything. i haven't gotten stoned yet today so maybe something will come to me once I'm baked

[yandere-daydreams]

BSD Fyodor or Dazai letting his captive darling outside after being stuck isolated and indoors? This request is in no way related to the month and counting I've been stuck at home due to covid19, not at all.

It’s been weeks since I’ve seen the sun and the last human contact I had was when my gloved hand brushed against that of an absent-minded cashier. Dazai might be preferable, at this point. Just for the sake of a change of scenery.

TW: Kidnapping, Stockholm Syndrome, and Mentions of Mental/Physical Abuse.

~

Dazai wasn’t a generous man.

You’d been with him long enough to know that. He wasn’t kind, and as far as you could tell, he didn’t try to be. Throughout your captivity, he’d proven himself to be cruel, apathetic, sociopathic, uncaring for everything and anything you had to say unless it had to do with how grateful you were for him or what a loving kidnapper he was. The punishments were constant, the rewards were nonexistent, and you’d been forced to shove the idea of escaping out of your mind. Surviving was enough, when Dazai didn’t seem to care whether you lived or died.

With this in mind, your apprehension was understandable, when he dropped a pile of street-clothes on your bed and told you to get dressed. You’d refused, at first, crossed your arms and reaffirmed that he’d break your ankles the moment you started towards the door, but Dazai promised something much worse if you didn’t cooperate. That’d been enough to convince you.

Even now, you couldn’t really bring yourself to trust it. You were already outside, the sky just beginning to darken and Dazai’s flat half a block away, but you didn’t feel like you’d ever left at all. Sure, you could feel the sea-breeze and see other people - real, tangible people - but… you couldn’t, at the same time. Dazai had an iron-clad hold on your wrist, but you doubted he needed to be so cautious, especially when you were pressed to his side, never daring to stray more than a step away. Yokohama wasn’t a big city, but it was a crowded one. If you talked to someone, would they help you? If you screamed, would they intervene? Or, was this a test? Could this be a test? You didn’t know how far Dazai’s connections stretched, honestly. He couldn’t pay off a street’s worth of people… well, not unless he--

“You’re thinking too much,” He said, pulling you out of your thoughts. He hadn’t said a word since you left his apartment, and while you weren’t opposed to the silence, his mocking tone came as a relief. It meant this was normal, that he was normal. You could deal with this, as long as he was going to act as superior as he always did. “It’s not a good look you, honestly. Not when you have better things to pay attention to.” He paused, taking a moment to pout. “Am I not entertaining to you anymore, love?”

You didn’t waste time. Unlike him, you didn’t have the luxury of being on the blunt-side of his carving knife. “I don’t trust you,” You mumbled, eyeing the pavement wearily. “I know you’re planning something. You’re always planning something. I’m not going to fall for it, this time.”

He held a hand to his heart, mocking offense with an over-exaggerated sigh. Playful and patronizing in just the right balance as to best get on your nerves. It was an art Dazai had perfected, with more time and practice than he deserved. “I’m just trying to do something nice, and what do you do? Accuse me, attack me. I was starting to think you liked me, too.” He shook his head, his grip loosening, fingers instead intertwining themselves with yours. You weren’t sure if you should be relieved he was no longer cutting off your circulation, or sickened by the display of unearned affection. “Just walk with me, (Y/n). If you’re good, I’ll be able to let you out all the time. You would like to get out of that cramped room of yours more often, wouldn’t you?”

“Not if it means I have to spend more time with you.” The venom in your voice was half-hearted, diluted by time and use, but Dazai smiled regardless, determined to find amusement in whatever meager responses you gave. You glanced to your sides once more, taking in the many brightly-lit shops and assorted bystanders for the first time. You never realized how narrow the streets were, or how small your body actually was. No one was looking at you, but it seemed like they were all glancing in your direction, glaring every now and then. You tugged at Dazai’s hand nervously, eager to do something. He only laughed. “Osamu, where are we--”

“Dazai.”

He stopped, and so did you, your lips parting slightly as you saw him go tense. Something heavy and knotted settled inside of your throat, keeping you quiet as you scanned over the redhead that’d come to a stop in front of him. You recognized the man vaguely, his suit bringing back dim, fuzzy memories from before your ankle was permanently chained to a wall, but failed to put a name to his face. You didn’t have to wonder for long, though. Dazai was quick to clear it up. “Chuuya,” He greeted, his voice suddenly monotone. Unfriendly, but not unwelcoming. “Shouldn’t you be on your way home? I thought preteens still had curfews, these days.”

‘Chuuya’ grimaced, but his response came quickly. “And I thought perverts were supposed to keep their hands to themselves.” With that, his attention shifted to you, dark eyes falling until they met yours. You stiffened, reflexively, shifting so you were half-hidden behind Dazai, but that did little to protect you from his prying gaze. It was like he was looking for something, searching for it. Suddenly, you were glad Dazai chose such a conservative outfit, despite the stifling heat, one that covered the bruises. You didn’t want to give him anything else to look at. “He’s not holding you hostage, is he? I wouldn’t be surprised, the bastard’s hit his head a few too many times for everything to still be working up there.”

You hesitated, expecting Dazai to answer before you had the chance to. But, he only grinned, letting you go completely and resting a hand on your shoulder, pushing you forward gently, encouraging you to speak. That’s all you had to do, really, speak. A simple, flat ‘he is’ would’ve gotten your point across, and even if Chuuya couldn’t do anything, there were other people around, dozens of them. Dazai wouldn’t be able to get away, not if a large group took notice. Certainly not if you put up a fight.

But, as soon as you opened your mouth, it was like something in your chest cracked. It was an overwhelming, paralyzing fear, one that flooded through veins and made it impossible to do so much as breathe when you knew Chuuya was watching. You might as well’ve been in your bedroom again, curled into a ball and shoved in a corner, crying and bleeding as Dazai yelled about something possessive and jealous and crazy. You were vulnerable, and you were weak, and you were so, so scared.

So, you didn’t say anything. You let out a pitiful, broken sob, shut your eyes as tightly as you could, and buried your head in Dazai’s coat, only relaxing when you felt his fingers entangle themselves in your hair. You didn’t feel safe, you couldn’t feel safe with someone like him, but…

Fuck, it felt better than the alternative.

If Dazai shared in your dependence, you couldn’t tell. He chuckled as you clung to his waist, determined to dig your nails into him and never let go. “It’s been a long day,” Dazai explained, Chuuya grumbling something incoherent. It didn’t matter, not really.

You had a feeling Dazai’s words were more for his pride than anything.

“It’s really a miracle my sweetheart could ever manage without me.”

[iwaqchan-archive]

-author's note: oh man this is actually the first thing i've written that wasn't requested, since like i posted the kirishima dating headcanons, but i thought i would post something that isn't a request for a change to get myself out of that weird funk i've been in for a while, so i hope you enjoy them guys! (also i rlly can't believe i've never gotten around to do headcanons for todoroki)

@amaamajiki thank you for listening to my annoying rambling about my writing (and also for telling me to be a bit self indulgent, it truly helped!!!) (also you are wonderful, just wanted to get that out there)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ ｡ﾟ･ ───

☆.｡.:* getting together .｡.:*☆

• oh boy

• we all are very well aware of the fact that shouto is one dense baby boy. like super dense. so dense in fact, that it took him literal m o n t h s to figure out that you had been flirting with him this whole time.

• you see, he liked you, a lot. even if he wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling. and i mean who could blame him, he didn't exactly have a good (or healthy) example of how relationships or the whole courting process works. so he was kinda a bit baffled?¿ like why was his heart beating so rapidly whenever you were near him??

• super confused. it literally took, ochaco, tenya and izuku to tell him that what he was feeling, was in fact, love. or a crush at the least. this confused him even more, because what was he supposed to do now? he wasn't really good with words, so telling you at this point in time wasn't an option. so he opted to wait and see how this whole "having feelings" thing would develope.

• what he didn't know tho, was that ochaco actually went and told you about how todoroki feels about you. which made you absolutely ecstatic. but honestly you didn't want to full on confront him about it either, because you knew about his hardships and didn't want to like overburden him. instead you decided to go about this lowkey and letting him make to first move, as to not make him uncomfortable

• aka, you started subtly flirting with him, making him lunch, inviting him to study with you, etc. all with the hope of him picking up on your hints, and ask you out.

• which didn't happen....at least not for a while. you would try everything in the realm of possibility, while still wanting to make sure not to make him uncomfortable. but honestly it was getting a bit...frustrating. he wasn't picking up any of your hints, like at all.

• it even went so far that your classmates would make very obvious comments, while the two of you were conversing, and every single time they would fly straight over his head. which in turn would make you even more frustrated.

• all of this reached a tipping point, when the two of you were walking back from grabbing lunch, which you even paid for, and were talking about a training exercise you did earlier that day. you were complimenting his quirk, and his battle finess, and also making very obvious statements about how good he looked while fighting bakugou.

• and yet, he still didn't get it. and at that, you kind of started crying? your frustration getting the better of you. and poor shouto was bamboozled as hell, looking like a puppy caught in the rain. he didn't know what the hell was going on.

• until you basically told him how much you liked him, and that you thought he liked you too, because uraraka said so and that everything you did the past few months were dropping hints in hopes of him picking up on them.

• literal lightbulbs lit up in his head, as he gently took a hold of your hands, and apologized in that sweet, monotone voice of his. this time you were dumbfounded, not at all expecting such a bold move from him.

• but you ended up talking it out that day, and well the rest is history

☆.｡.:* finally dating .｡.:*☆

• a sweet, sweet boy, trying his absolute best.

• like i said earlier, he didn't have a good example of how a functional relationship is supposed to look like. so in the beginning he will be quite hesitant to initiate physical contact, or well, anything really.

• he really doesn't want to make you uncomfortable and to be honest, he also wasn't really sure what was appropriate and what not. so it will be up to you to show him.

• i don't think he will ever be the biggest fan of pda, at least not the 'making out in front of a bunch of people' kind of pda. he prefers a more subtle form of public affection. like hand holding, cheek kisses, and the like.

• shouto is also a very perceptive person, and while he can be quite dense at times, he somehow always finds the right words for any situation. if you were feeling insecure, he will tell you in the most sincere way possible that there is absolutely no need to doubt yourself, because you have your own unique strenghts and qualities. feeling sad? he will offer you his shoulder to cry on, and his ears to listen to your worries and concerns.

• also loves buying you expensive things (of course, with his father's money). you see a nice dress in shop window? he will drag you into the store and make you try it on, and then get it for you. also shares all of his accounts with you, like netflix and what other services endeavor pays for.

• he also pays for most of your dates, even if you tell him he rlly does not have to. and he mostly just does it to piss off his father. so, it really isn't a rarety that you two would dine at luxurious restaurants every once in a while.

• speaking of dates; mostly you two wouldn't go out a lot. you prefered to stay indoors and just bask in each other's company. often you would sit on the couch and just read a book, either together or each of you reading your own. it actually became one of your favourite activities.

• his siblings, absolutely adore you. fuyumi and natsuo are overjoyed every time shouto announces that you will be staying for dinner, or generally coming over to their house. they are incredibly grateful that their baby brother found a lovely partner that accepts him just as he is, and shows him the love and support he was devoided of as a child.

☆.｡.:* kisses .｡.:*☆

• he is such a gentle lover, and the same can be said about his kisses aswell. there rarely is a time when he uses force, except when he is jealous or extremely emotional.

• shouto is also a touchy kisser, he wasn't at first, too scared of overstepping boundaries, but after a while he starting getting bolder. usually one hand would hold your waist, or situate itself on yor lower back, and the other would either wind itself in your hair (if he is feeling particularly needy) or tenderly hold your jaw.

• needless to say, every kiss you share with this boy is incredibly special and meaningful. since he isn't the best with words, he is extra careful to show his feelings through his actions, and what better way is there than to make you absolutely breathless every time you kissed?

• your first kiss; was unexpected? in all honesty it was actually an accident, it was that cliché move of you wanting to kiss his cheek, and him turning his head a bit too early and in turn, pressing his lips to yours. you both were quite embarrassed at first, until you got your bearings back and eventually leaned in for a proper kiss this time

• (natsuo loves teasing him whenever he catches you two being all lovely dovey and sharing sweet kisses on his living room couch, much to shouto's embarrassment)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :�� ｡ﾟ･ ───

requests: open

[indecisive-v]

NINJAMUFFIN DOING ANOTHER AMA ON TWITTER, HERE'S MORE SHIT FOR YA! keep in mind i'm just sharing the funkin related stuff, though i am including WAAAAY more than what i shared before 👍 go check out ninja's twitter profile for questions about stuff like ritz! questions in blue, answers in orange. if yall don't wanna read everything i MIGHT make a version of this post where i replace the answers with my own summaries of em (and if the questions are long, those too)

and here's a link to the ama tweet itself! dunno if it's still goin

Q: I figure the answer will be yes but do you have more plans to implement more guest appearances from people in the newgrounds community into FNF? Or are you all gunna focus on OG lore and stuff going forward

A: for guest appearances, I think we have always seen it as getting a healthy mix of both. PERSONALLY I'd like to lean towards having more OG stuff than guest stuff, BUT it's all a matter of what other boys think of that as well. I'm not the sole person working on game!

Q: Are you gonna release the full FNF game or are you gonna be releasing week after week? Like, are you gonna release week 8 or are we gonna wait some years until The Full Ass Game comes out?

A: Release plan for FNF right now is a few more updates or whatev to the 'demo' we have out right now, and then a long silence of probably no updates whatsoever until the full game is done (which will likely be a few years). That's partly why we made kickstarter for game.

Q: Hey so like, how much will Fnf cost after it's finished? And when will you ask the supporters what they want the game on?

A: It's all subject to change, but right now it prob gonna be standard 15-25$ lil steam indie game.

We will ask Kickstarter pledgers and whatnot what they want the game on SUPER close to when its released, to keep options open if we get onto anything like a console people want.

Q: 1. how was your day

2. are you releasing a week 8 song early like week 7, or are you goin full lockdown

A: I am doing GOOD today, and I think recently I've been good in general.

up to the mood, but so far we doing good about not having anything leak or whatev, so I think it'd be fun to have update come out with people not knowing what to expect at all. Build dat intrigue

Q: Will fnf ever get official plushies?? Seems like an untapped market

A: FNF plushies will prob happen some point, we have a lot of current merch stuff on our plates already though! (Mostly kickstarter type stuff, shirts, pins, posters, and all the physical OST stuff) Its a lot to sort out, but in time more and more stuff will happen. We r jus 4 boys!

Q: did you ever expect your game to blow up as it did? what was your first reaction to seeing it become super popular

A: FNF never had a humble moment, literally day 1 before the prototype even came out, the vid on twitter had like 5K likes overnight. Then when ludum dare version came out, it got 5K likes again, like it wasnt just a fluke. Was crazy, and def felt like somethin was different wit FNF

Q: Do you plan on getting other people to come in to help with the music? That seems like a lot of work to dump on one person, what with the erect mode and whatnot.

I guess the question could apply to all aspects of development. Will you be bringing on more people to help?

A: We definitely are getting help from other people. We are always keeping an eye on people for various different things. In terms of programming, already I've gotten 2 people (MtH and Geokureli) to help with certain Week 7 stuff (charting/polish, and loading stuff). Shit like dat

Q: Oh, also, will the Steam version be Workshop compatible? That'd really help streamline the process of downloading mods.

A: Steam version of FNF will likely NOT be Steam workshop compatible, because we want all the mods to NOT be spread out through different places. There WILL be modding support that is as streamlined as Steam workshop though. Mainly for non-steam versions of the game!

Q: Are there any chances that the game will have a physical release? Also any updates on a switch port? I remember one of you guys talking/joking about it.

A: Not impossible for FNF to get a physical release. We would want to see how far we could go with it though. I think it'd be super easy to do something wit people like LimitedRun games or whatev, but I think stuff like that can only go so far. I wanna see Funkin in mf Walmart!!!!!!

not that LimitedRun isn't going to be an option! Just we consider and pursue many different things! FNF release is years away, so we have time to think about everything. Whole mindset can be different just a few months from now.

Q: Out of curiosity, how are you dealing with all the popularity? It blew up so fast id barely be able to handle it if I was in your shoes.

A: The only way I've been able to handle it is having the other boys on the crew and being able to talk to them about all the overwhelmingness.

Part of it feels very lonesome, feels like NO ONE can come close to comprehending exactly how I'm feeling, except them. also other PALS!!!

Q: Do you own any of the bootleg FNF merchandise? Like any bootleg plushies or anything?

A: i dont, i genuinely think they r a waste of money, and I know any bootleg shit that gets made, we can prob go about and make it, and make it 100x cooler because we actually put effort into shit. bootleg shit just in it for the coin, so they aint gettin that from me

Q: How did you go about getting in contact with sr pelo for skid and pumps vocals?

A: Pelo i think was familiar and pals wit PhantomArcade a bit thru various Newgrounds things and collabs and whatnot.

pelo retweeted the first OG FNF posts first ever, and brought a LOT of attention to it. to pay him back, we put skid and pump in game! ask dave for more info prob

Q: what's the plan for having the full ass game open source if it's gonna cost money? couldn't people just download the source and compile the game for free?

A: when FNF is fully released, the full source code will be released as well.

the game will be DRM free so it will be way easier for people to redistribute the released/offical .exe instead of compiling it, so that's not the issue anyways. people will pay for things if they like it

Q: What are the chances of it getting on consoles like switch or Playstation, ps5 would definitely be my preferred way to play

A: it'd be a matter of hiring someone to build out backend stuff for those specific consoles. someone who knows their way around all the wacky code stuff, AND knows console hardware stuff. Then its just a matter of hittin up those console manufacturers (Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo)

the CLOSEST one is SWITCH. pretty much all of that backend is already made, so it just a matter of gettin all that access and shit.

i think in any case though, there's a lot of NDA stuff required, i dunno how much we'd be able to talk about it even IF we get that stuf sorted

Q: any ideas of releasing it on epic store or another platform?

A: Right now, the only thing that is 100% confirmed and WILL happen is a Steam version, itchio version, and mobile versions on respective app stores. Other storefronts aren't out of the picture though, but we don't want to spread ourselves too thin with it.

Q: Will you continue using HaxeFlixel to make the rest of FNF?

A: yes, because it is what I'm the most technically proficient in, and generally is VERY flexible. just a matter of ME becoming a better coder. It's ALL open source, so if I need something done a certain way, either I can do it, or we can hire someone to do it.

Q: have you seen game theory's videos on your game yet and if so, what do you think about them? (not talking about his predictions because i dont want spoilers. i like mystery)

A: it is always good silly fun to watch the Game Theory vids about Funkin with some pals, and see what matpat thinks of the game. i lov the vids, but wish he used my face less! Or at least used a cuter pic of me like this one!!

Q: Ok so: What does the future of FNF look like to you?

A: future of FNF is a rhythm game that not only exceeds every expectation that people have of it, but subverts most expectations and conventions as well.

Q: Do you plan on retouching on older weeks once the game is fully out? Like reanimating sprites, redoing some charting, updating the background, etc

A: retouching and probably overhauling certain aspects is almost definitely gonna happen. Everything is fluid and can be changed (and should be changed when necessary). i dont think anything should be too attached to, especially this early on in development

Q: I honestly do not care if the answer to this is vague as hell to keep surprises and shit lol but… Since Week 7 was the closest we’ll get to a playable girlfriend (still bf controlling tho), do you have plans to make girlfriend playable in spin-off things or just freeplay?

A: wouldnt be out of the picture for a playable GF, i don't think we've had some hard thing AGAINST it. just a matter of what we want out of the game, and what sort of story or whatev we could do with that concept

Q: How do BF and GF manage to meet famous newgrounds characters (such as pico, tankman and the others to come) like is this all in one universe/ timeline or are they being brought in?

A: i think they are all just there existing. i think there's a lot of wacky things in other media that try to justify crossovers, like MULTIVERSE bullshit or TIMELINE shit, but i dunno, its like subspace emissary. Captain Falcon and Olimar from Pikmin just hang out. Shit like dat

disclaimer that all lore shit is in phantomarcade head pretty much and maybe there is wacky dimensions or somethin

Q: Will the game have dlc?

A: its not too unlikely that we'd have expansions of some sort, but i mean right now we plan on packing in as much as we can into base game, and trying to make that as pure as possible.

if there is ANY dlc, i would personally want it to be 100% free updates

Q: How did you meet Phantom Arcade, Kawai Sprite, and EvilSker? And what do you think about the community and its controversies?

A: me and phantomarcade been fukin around NG for years so years and years ago we naturally crossed paths and became pals

about 2 years ago i found kawaisprites music on NG, and started talkin wit him, made Ritz wit him and we fell in lov

and evilsk8r i met cuz of FNF!!!

quik elaborate on evilsk8r, wanted artist for gamejam FNF was for (ludum dare), and OG person i asked wasnt available, so he referred me to evilsk8r, who I have never met or talked to before ever.

[allsystemsarenotgo]

Emotions, Emotions, Oh how they suck....

I promised (though not directly) my friend that if I was ever worried, I’d contact the campus police, her roommate, or check on her myself. 

I executed this promise. 

My friend was taken very aside by it. But at least I know she is okay.

And now I’ve gotten myself into a mess. I had a dedicated hour session with my counselor tonight, and all that did was make me feel like shit.

I'm going to pour a bucket out... Idk how this is going to spill.

I hated having to go to her dorm Thursday night. But she hadn't sent me a message since Saturday nor read any since Monday. I had made a promise with her that if she ever made me concerned, that I would show up and check on her myself. I've had three (technically 3.5?) Police welfare checks sent on me, I know how painful they are, and don't want to put her through that. I kept that promise. I understand the making her feel uncomfortable. It's still way more comfortable than an official check.

I'd love to know how her boyfriend's mom got involved. I'm glad she didn't block me at their request, but really? Not even offering a chance to explain? Just cold-ghosting a really close family friend because that's what your boyfriend and his mom want?

She hid me from her boyfriend for so long. I told her a long time ago that he needed to know I existed so that our powers could be balanced and he not see me as a threat. Instead, way down the road, it's "Hey, I've been talking to a guy for the least few months almost daily, and he came over to my dorm to help me study and have me a massage and we went out to dinner". Well, of course he is going to hate me!

I can understand some of the conflict in her mind. When I came to see her on Dec4, she realized that the love she craves and was having withdrawls from, is available from more than just her boyfriend. She didn't cognitively acknowledge that realization, she was being loved on and liked it.

It wasn't intimacy or physical love. It was feeling another person's touch, spending time with them, laughing with them, having intellectual conversations with them.

And I can see how that would split her heart between two love sources. Even when one wasn't intended to convey that level of love.

I scrolled back through her and I's chat long back to October 1 yesterday. Seeing some of the things she said about how much she cares(s/d) about me, how I made her happy, how important we were/are to eachother, how I may be the only voice of reason that has allowed her to still be alive after her emotional fallout and suicidal kick in September. Part of me thinks that maybe she was growing feeling roots but wasn't aware of it.

And maybe, now those roots are starting to sprout above the surface and that is what has caused her this discomfort, especially after my visit Dec4.

I invited her to {married friends}'s groupnight on Dec11. I knew she was conflicted because she's not a very social person (like me) but also wanted to be around a bunch of smart people. But she did attend. But she spent the first hour standing in a corner reclused, having to pacify her boyfriend who didn't understand why she was at a stranger's house, much less older people. He said it was stupid and pointless for her to be there just to meet people/socialize/relax. She enjoyed being herself once a stage-hook pulled her out of that corner.

She felt more distant after that night, though we did still talk. She spent 2.5 weeks at her grandma's ranch with no cell service, so she didn't get to talk to either her boyfriend or myself for most of that period - sometimes she could get signal to send a one-liner every now and then.

When she came back to her parents' house, I was invited over for dinner Jan15. She seemed excited and happy to see me, and even took me to feed her horses with her just for the time together. Then we had dinner and played card games. But then she was on her phone again, having to pacify her boyfriend, who didn't understand why I was at their house, engaging with her and her parents, and calling me alot of nouns and adjectives.

After her parents went to bed, they allowed her and I to stay up as late as we wanted. We did talk for a little while. But she ended up shooing me out of the house at her boyfriend's request so that he could call her. Later, she said it felt wierd that I was being given an open curfew when they make her and her boyfriend obey a specific curfew.

She didn't know how to process this "unfair treatment" that comes with the territory of being a friend and trustworthy.

I'm not saying that I have been perfect through all of this. I may not know the pain, but I at least have a general idea of how I think her heart is feeling.

After I left her dorm at her request (she didn't want to see me in person, politely told me she is stable and for me to leave, so I did), she did chat to me a little more. That she just needs time to comprehend her heart, to figure out how to balance me and her boyfriend co-existing, to evaluate herself. That she still cares about me but doesn't know how to process it.

She ended Thursday night with "I don't want to lose this friendship, but I can't lose Brayden either...I just need to figure this out..."

I felt and slept better, knowing that she was at least stable and cognitive.

Then she sent this to me Friday at 10:30, after her counseling appointment.

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

⭐🥀TRIGGER WARNING!!

Introducing Last Night At 3AM. I Lost Control. Yet Another Breakdown, I Had about 30 breakdowns. No pity sympathy or attention. && NO I WAS NOT ON DRUGS! I'm over 1 year sober. Alvaro took over (one of my demons/alters) && Dancing Fire (another one) possessed me to the point I almost got a cop call. I don't wanna be a burden &: I wanna save fix care support be there for everyone and everything. I'm sick of being alive. But I can't do anything stupid cuz of me getting concerved to a state institution (which is way different than a mental hospital) cuz I've been in 215 mental hospitals & got diagnosed Critically/Clinically Insane plus over 10+ mental hospitals. All I have is my mom. The breakdowns the vivid flashbacks the mental illnesses getting 10x worse. No treatment will take me cuz I've been to all of them to many times. I can't process anything. My mind imprisons me. I dissociate 89 to 99% of the day. I've been thru every single sorts of treatments/medication I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018. I'm losing my mind. And everyday it's the same thing and people get tired of hearing it.I'm so done with dealing with this everyday. I don't need sympathy. I just don't know man. My mom&& lil brother doesn't want me home, I can't explain what's wrong or going on. I don't wanna be a burden. I'm sorry man. I wanted to self harm again but I didn't. Imagine all my mental illnesses multiplied by 10. Imagine EVERYDAY HAVING VIVID FLASHBACKS AND 22+ Mental Breakdowns a day. I.am sorry if I'm negative. I'm sorry. I just wanna save and fix the world. When people ask me "how are u" idk how much reply. I'm sick of my mind. I feel like darkness is controlling me. I pray A LOT. Alvaro literally possesses me and gets in my body. I have mostly every mental health diagnosis there is. And NO I'M NOT PROUD OF IT I'M NOT BRAGGING OR GLORIFYING It. I just wanna help everyone and everything. Along the my mental health, I have autism, narcolepsy anorexia Etc. My diagnosis list is so long and I don't wanna be known for that. I can't even leave my house. When ever I feel a lil bit better, here comes Alvaro. But again I don't wanna be a burden. It's my job to be there for everyone else NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I can't take this anymore. No pity sympathy or attention. I can't seek help cuz then they'll send me to a institution cuz I've been in to many mental hospitals. I'm doing the best I can. But I'm about to snap. I can't function. And I'm getting worse. I don't want attention I want to be OK. I've dealt with all this hell most of my life. It's hard to explain. On top of that. My physical state is getting worse. I'm finding more reasons to die than to live. I'm over 1 year sober. I'm a huge hypocrite when it comes out taking my own advice. I don't love myself. But i am over caring sensitive and I help obsessively. I repeat myself idk I'm just not OK. I'm losing contact with reality. I'm scared to keep going. But I got this.🥀⭐

🥀⭐Your Enough

Your Worth It.

Your Life Has Purpose

This To Shall Pass

Im here for all y'all in anyway I possibly can.

I'm sorry if I'm annoying. I'm sorry

Stay Strong && Keep Breathing ⭐🥀

🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙

🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic with over 1 year sober. This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Being homeless 13 times. In 215 mental hospitals. In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth. I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018, over 10+ mental illnesses. Some were caused from a few bad trips on PCP that I never came back from. I was sleeping anywhere I could rest my head, I had to be alert at all times. Tbh I havent been to a meeting in awhile. My sponsor is like family to me. I'm redoing all my steps. I'm on step 2. I've lost a shit ton of people to drugs and I was literally getting cop calls everyday. Drugs messed with my life. And having this much clean time is amazing. Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls. Any clean time is good time. And I'm proud of all of you in recovery drug addiction is a special kinda hell. Drugs become your priority and your best friend. I got tortured on the daily by people coming in one by one torturing me from orders from Kimberly (my ex fiance who hung herself in front of me) it was one by one. I got so caught on in drugs that it was the only way I knew. I used to numb the pain. I'm so blessed I found God again. Now I have 22+ mental breakdowns a day every day. I found out it had a lot to do with my drug use.🔥🔥🥀🥀

🥀🖤Thank you for breathing even when u wanted to die. Drugs kill you. There's nothing about it to be proud of its serious. You Matter Yo Important Yo A Someone Yo Enough Yo Worth It Yo Have A Purpose, Yo Have A Story, A Message, A Voice, A Reason, Yo A Warrior, A Soldier, A Survivor, A Fighter. You Are U && NoOne Can Be You, But YOU. Your Life Matters YOU MATTER, Yo Life Has Value &% I'm Glad Your Alive. Thank U For Being Alive. People say that I help everyone and everything obsessively && I don't stop. It's very true. This is a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤🥀

🖤🔥🥀I failed Cedar House twice. This was a rehab in San Bernardino, California. I lied my way out. And I regret it. Funny thing is I already read the entire NA Basic Text && The AA Big Book. I have multiple sobriety apps on my phone and I have an app that that has NA && AA Speakers on it. I'm reading the How && Why and I'm so proud of myself && I couldn't have got this far without my sponsor, Jaclyn. She understands me better than any sponsor I've had in recovery. Here's a list of my mental disorders, some were caused Or made worse by drugs and alcohol🥀🔥🖤

🌙🔥🔥Schizo-Affective, Bipolar

ADHD, OLD, ODD,

PTSD, Insomnia

Depression, Anorexia

Anxiety, Autism

Borderline Personality Disorder

Severe Brain Damage

Attachment Disorder

Dissociative Identity Fund..

Multiple Personality Disorder

Narcolepsy, Critically/Clinically Insane🔥🔥🌙

🖤🥀Listen I don't need your pity, sympathy or attention these were all diagnosed by over 5 psychiatrists, and diagnosed "Insane" by over 10 doctors. DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE!!!! Anyways. I attempted suicide over 100 times. Self harmed in anyway possible. They say I'm the most high maintenance case in the system of California. And the next time I go to a mental hospital I'm getting sent to a state institution. I would do anything to get drugs. Jeremy && Izzie Baraz were my street partners. They both passed away. All I have left in blood family is my mom and brother. My mom. Says if I pick up drugs one more time I'm never aloud back in her house. My dad injected me with meth and heroin at age 9, he also tortured me daily. He passed away in 2011. I'm glad he's dead. But I take full responsibility for my drug and alcohol habits. And I hope I never go back. One Day At A Time.🥀🖤

🔥🥀This To Shall Pass, If Not Today There's Always Tomorrow

God, Grant Me The Serenity

To Accept The Things I Cannot Change

The Courage To Change The Things I Can. &&

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

Amen🥀🔥

🔥🔥Keep Coming Back It Works If You Work It🔥🔥

🔥🔥A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still

Suffers, In And Out Of These Rooms🔥🔥

🔥🔥Staying Clean, Im Never Going Back🔥🔥

🥀🖤I almost relapsed again on New Year's. I almost asked a stranger to buy me Vodka. But God told me to stop.

I'm Always Here 4 All Of You, No matter What.

I'd Do Anything To Keep Y'all Alive && Breathing. To Make U OK. to Save && Fix U && Take Your Pain Away. I Love Y'all. Keep Coming Back.🖤🥀

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Urgent!!!!! My mom is coming home and idk wat to do because my family has made me hate myself so much and it's gotten worse since I came out and I've been self harming again and I'm so tired of fighting and knowing they'll never accept me and I have no one to turn to; no friends or family and I can't move out because I can't afford it. I'm just so done and I just want to end it all and I don't know wat to do anymore but to give up. They all want me gone and expect me to kill myself soon anyway.

Devon says with help from Lee:

Here is a post with suicide hotlines and mental health services. Please contact one of the resources in that post if you are going to hurt/kill yourself.

Here are some other things that could be helpful to you. Some people may not like some of these things, or have bad experiences with them, but I think they could all be worth a try.

Therapy. Try googling “LGBT friendly therapist [your town/region]” (that’s how I found my therapist– we don’t only talk about LGBT stuff, but she is part of the community and respects my gender) or “affordable therapy [your town/region].” You most likely need your parents’ consent to see a therapist, but that depends on your age and the laws where you live. Here’s a website with information about that.

You don’t have to tell your parents that you want therapy because of any trans-related thing if you think they wouldn’t accept that reason. This post has more info on finding a therapist 

Telling your parents you struggle with mental illness

How to tell someone you’re suicidal

Support groups. There are a few organizations in my state that host support groups or get-togethers for LGBT people. Meeting other LGBT people and making friends can be a big help. You might want to check out PFLAG.

Clubs. Join clubs at your school (if you’re in school). It’s nice to be around people with similar interests to you, even if they don’t respect and/or understand your gender. You can also join facebook groups about your interests, or look for meetups on websites like this or this. Public libraries also often host activities and meetups. If you don’t know what your interests are, or don’t have any strong interests, it’s good to try something new! No one will judge you if you’re new to the club/meetup or don’t know much about the subject. Everyone was new to it at some point!

Seek other professional help. It sounds like your family is abusive (whether they physically hurt you or not). It is not okay for anyone to expect you to kill yourself, and it isn’t normal for family to make you hate yourself. Research and consider contacting Childhood Protective Services, or a similar organization where you live. They could be able to help you get away from your family.

Note that this isn’t always an easy route, and your new environment may also be very stressful, so make sure you don’t make this decision lightly and without doing any research, but it is a possibility.

In most (if not all) public schools, you are able to meet with a social worker and/or counselor for free. You could talk through your situation with them. Keep in mind that they’re probably mandated reporters.

Distract yourself. Try something new! Playing video games, drawing, reading, watching documentaries, taking care of neighbors’ pets, volunteering at a local charity, knitting, and getting a job are all things that take up time that could distract you from your family/ general negative stuff in your life and make you feel better.

Work on stopping self-harming actions. When you feel like hurting yourself, try these things: Draw on your body where you want to hurt yourself, rub ice on your body where you want to hurt yourself, do the same thing you want to do to yourself to an object (if you want to cut yourself, cut paper up), do one of the above distracting activities, scream into a pillow (it sounds silly but it can really help), take a cold bath or shower, snap rubber bands on your wrist, or listen to loud music. 

Also, to prevent self harming in the first place: Unfollow blogs on tumblr that glamorize self harm, throw away any “tools” that you use to hurt yourself, hang out in public places like libraries (it’s harder to hurt yourself in public than when you’re alone), follow “recovery” blogs on tumblr, or work on a skin care routine (put energy into helping your body instead of hurting it).

Self-Injury Recovery

Reducing self-harm

Self-harm coping tips and distractions

How to Recovery from Self-Injury

Steps to self-harm recovery

Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques

Safety Plan

Self-Injury Support: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288) (www.selfinjury.com)

Minimize dysphoria. Even if dysphoria isn’t the main problem for you right now, having less gender dysphoria could help you feel better in general. Here is our dysphoria page. There are a lot of good resources for dealing with dysphoria there, and also mental health exercises that could help with dysphoria or other stuff.

Mental health things from the aforementioned dysphoria page:

Belly breathing

Awareness of unhealthy thinking styles

Distress tolerance skills

Distress tolerance activities

Panic list for distress tolerance

Improving distress

How to make a comfort box

Emotion regulation skills

Emotion regulation worksheet

Soothing grounding exercise

Physical grounding exercise

Mental grounding exercise

Grounding techniques

Problem goal framework

Mindfulness of your current emotion

Letting Go of Painful Emotions

Vicious cycle and alternatives

What will help?

Positive self-talk

Behavioral Activation

STOPP worksheet

Triggers

Coping with dissociation

Handling dissociation

10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation

An interactive self-care guide

7 cups of tea - an online chatting service. It’s not really meant for crisis situations, but it can used to talk about a host of issues with other individuals. It appears to be mostly geared toward mental health support and discussion.

www.dbsalliance.org - a nationally recognized organization that offers support and resources for those dealing with bipolar disorder(s) and depression.

@mentalillnessmouse (tumblr blog)

@trans-folx-fighting-eds (tumblr blog)

Download therapy worksheets / And more of them / And even more / Also some more

The Trevor Project’s Glossary of Resources

I hope some of this is helpful for you! Best of luck and please stay safe.

[elanorsparkles]

tagged by: @snowcatmoon

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 people.

LAST:

1. Drink: I literally have my water bottle 6" away from me

2. Phone call: My dad

3. Text message: A friend from a church we used to go to

4. Song you listened to: uhh, my mom has had praise music playing all day?

5. Time you cried: A surprisingly long while ago. Maybe a month??

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Never dated at all

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: ^^same as above

8. Been cheated on: Can't be cheated on if you don't get in a relationship to begin with

9. Lost someone special: Probably

10. Been depressed: Yeah :/

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: lol no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Glitter!

13. Pink

14. Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Online and irl :D

16. Fallen out of love: As I said earlier.

17. Laughed until you cried: Only all the time. I live for the lolz

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Since I'm not sure what this means, I'm going to assume not

20. Found out who your friends are: I guess?

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I've. Never. Been. Kissed.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Gurl, I'm never on that site.

23. Do you have any pets: 3 mini goats, 13 chickens, and a dog :)

24. Do you want to change your name: Nah

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Oh boy. Well, I broke dress code to wear my favorite outfit. I had classes that day and long story short: I cleaned an Olaf waffle iron with a toothpick, and had a Banana Hold-Up in a hallway with two of my best friends.

26. What time do you wake up: 7 am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Getting ready to sleep

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Classes to start again. I love learning, and I love people!

29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: Like, fifteen minutes ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish my family were in a better financial situation so my little sister could do drill team without feeling bad, and she could go to the church she wants more often. It takes too much gas money right now...

31. What are you listening to right now: That one bug that sounds like a dog dry-heaving just stopped

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: A few

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: That confounded bug

34. Most visited website: Tumblr? Twitter? iFunny?

35. Mole/s: Yep. One of which is a beauty mark

36. Mark/s: Birthmark? A few. I have a reverse one where the skin is lighter instead of darker!

37. Childhood dream: Inventor

38. Hair color: Currently a blonde-ish red

39. Long or short hair: Short!

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Thank heavens,no

41. What do you like about yourself: Physically or character-wise?

42. Piercings: Basic ear piercings

43. Blood type: I'm not sure

44. Nicknames?: Most people call me Ela. Kori calls me CinderEla

45. Relationship status: Single

46. -Zodiac- MBTI: ESFJ

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite TV Show: I don’t know

50. Right or left hand: Right-handed, although as a kid, I used my left hand for sports

51. Surgery: I had my wisdom teeth removed

52. Hair dyed in different color: It's dyed right now, but I've also had pink as well as purtple hair

53. Sport: lol NO

55. Vacation: Ideal vacation or place I’ve been to?

56. Pair of trainers: *googles trainers* Apparently six? I somehow ended up with four pairs of tennis shoes (that's a story), one pair of Converse, and a knock-off Keds

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Hopefully my mom's banana pudding soon

58. Drinking: Water

59. I’m about to: See if the guy who my parents invited over is here yet

62. Want: Tbh, money. I want to take care of my family, and be able to go to my friend's wedding and also finally meet my best friend

63. Get married: maybe someday

64. Career: Researcher in cognitive science while perhaps doing something like counseling

65. Hugs or kisses: From people in general? I'm gonna have to say hugs

66. Lips or eyes: For my future guy? Lips

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: Slightly older

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Stomach, I guess

71. Sensitive or loud: um, I don't know

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. I'm a dating-for-marriage kind of gal

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: IDK

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: what the frick, no

75. Drank hard liquor: Not that I can recall

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope

77. Turned someone down: Kinda?

78. Sex on the first date: Heck to the no

79. Broken someone’s heart: Probably :/

80. Had your heart broken: Does breaking my own heart because I know he wouldn't be good for me count?

81. Been arrested: No

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: Unfortunately

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: I think so?

85. Miracles: Yes

86. Love at first sight: Sure

87. Santa Claus: I never believed in Santa

88. Kiss on the first date: NO

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: I have many best friends...

91. Eye color: Blue hazel

92. Favorite movies: The whole Avengers saga (especially CA:TWS), Les Mis, LotR

(totally not tagging 20 people)

[just-graysexual]

Hi there, I've considered myself to be ace for many years, but now it turns out I may be demi. However, it seems I have some type of aversion/anxiety to the act itself. It's like having two parts of yourself constantly in conflict with one another. Any tips on how to resolve this? P.S. Love your blog--so glad to see how many people you've helped to this day.

Hey Anon,

Let me just first say Congratulations on finding a label that works for you! It’s completely fine for you to change your label to one that works better for you. Or if you sexual orientation has changed and you found another label entirely. There is nothing wrong with changing your orientation for you own reason. I’m happy to hear that demisexual works for you!

(And thank you so much. I’m happy that this blog is here and has helped so many people. I love knowing that this blog is here for so many people.)

I completely understand what you are going through. It’s quite difficult when your mind, body, and feelings appear to all go against each other. It’s definitely frustrating and can cause a lot of inner turmoil and stress. Just remember it’s your mind and your body and you have ultimate control over them. Sure they can make us react and feel things we might not want, but that doesn’t mean they always have power over us. You know who you are, you know what you like, and sometimes our minds and body may disagree, but what you feel is more important, more powerful, and more true.

If this is giving you some type of aversion or anxiety do your best to distract yourself. Focus or think about something else. Anything that you can really pay attention to that gets your mind away from what is happening. Think about doing something your like, or what your next meal is going to be, or think about a movie or tv show. Think of something light or funny and not too seriously. Think of something that will keep you cool, calm, and collected. This could take some time and maybe little bit of practice, but it’s surprising how well it works once you get the hang of it.

For instance, I am a terrible blusher. I blush at the most innocent thing. Sometimes it’s embarrassing, because there will be times I blush for no reason at all and I don’t even understand why I am blushing. When I do feel a blush coming on I try to redirect it. I try to picture myself sitting by a fire and having my feet or hands being warmed up by it. I try to direct the heat right into my hands or feet. I think about my feet or hands getting warmer and hotter. And surprisingly I actually feel the blood and heat move away from my face and into my hands or feet. It’s taking a lot of practice and I’m still working on it, but my blushing has gotten so much better. Try something like that. Maybe picture yourself diving into a cool pool. Picture how refreshing it is and how the cold water feels on your skin. Really think about how that feels and focus your mind on that. Try to really feel it.

If these feelings occur try to actually physically do something else. Try exercising or doing some jumping jacks real quickly. Or maybe walk around and focus on where you are going. I know a lot of people who actually try doing some type of exercise when they have unwanted feelings. If the opportunity is there try doing some form of simple exercise.

If not find another way to divert your attention. Listen to music, turn on the tv, or play on game or app on your phone or tablet. If you are talking to someone try to continue talking with them. Stick to causal topics and have a general discussion. As you keep talking you may find yourself becoming more calm and less anxious. I know a few people with anxiety and sometimes I try to get them to talk. I ask them questions and ask them to talk to me about something they like or are interested in. I try to get them to focus on something else, move them to a safer and quieter location, try to have them ignore what’s going on around them, and have them keep talking. If I need to I try to ask them questions to keep them on topic. A lot of the time this does help and they work through their anxiety or panic attack.

And if you can try to avoid any situation that may give you any type of aversion or anxiety. If you are in a situation where your aversion or anxiety starts try to leave it and get out of that area. If you are with other people simply excuse yourself and try to find a safe place where you feel comfortable to go to. 

If you want try finding a family member or friend that you really trust and have them be your go-to. Have this person you know will be there for you and will help them. Have it be someone you can text message or call at 3:00 AM and you know they will answer. Whenever you feel your aversion or anxiety start contact this person. Have them talk to you and distract you. 

Hang in there, Anon. I know this is an extremely difficult thing to go through. I know that it’s hard and frustrating, but stay strong. I know your mind and body can make you feel things you don’t want to and conflict with how you truly feel, but you have the power to not give into these feelings and control them. You tell your mind and body what it wants and needs. You know your feelings, you know what you want, you know what you like. Sometimes our mind and body makes us feel and do things we don’t like, but just try your best to regain control. Distract yourself, divert your attention, and maybe find that one person who you know will always be there for you. It may take some time and it may take some practice. I do hope you find something that works for you and can help you get through this. If you feel that this is causing too much of a problem for you don’t be afraid to seek help and go to a doctor. Just be careful. If you ever need to talk or have any questions I am here. Feel free to message me anytime.