#and now we’ve reached the part of the evening where i’ve written so much about myself that i want to vomit

[something-tofightfor]

Liminality: Part 5

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Female Reader

Word Count: 11,210

Rating: M. This one is a LOT of plot, but there's some violence / weaponry / language in it

Summary: Flying with Frankie is everything you hoped it would be - and so much more.

But the longer you're in Tampa, the more you begin to question what you're doing ... and what you're not telling him.

Confirmation on your reason for choosing Tampa comes at a cost.

Author’s note:

There was a very long delay, but lucky for you, I've got 2 more full chapters written after this ... they just need some editing, so I am well ahead of where I want to be with this one. I promise this chapter will have a follow-up VERY soon.

If you have any questions or comments or just want to talk about Frankie, please feel free to reach out. I'm SO INTERESTED in any theories you may have about where this is going, too.

... Sorry about the cliffhanger.

Masterlist (for the journal entries and all of the other 'extras' + previous chapters)

He made you watch a short video presentation about helicopter safety before you stepped out onto the tarmac. 

But instead of being stock footage, it was Frankie himself going over the parts of the aircraft, and Pope demonstrating the things he was saying while someone - you assumed one of the Miller brothers - filmed with an only slightly shaky hand. 

You bit back a laugh when you realized what you were watching, bending an elbow and leaning forward to look at the TV screen, chin resting on your palm. I can’t believe this. “You’re going to miss something if you laugh.” Frankie paused the video and murmured the words from where he was standing, leaning against his desk with both arms crossed over his chest and the remote held in one hand. “And then I -”

“Frankie, how do you expect anyone to pay attention to anything when the two of you are explaining it?” Glancing over at him, you scoffed. “Two of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen in my life explaining how not to trip over the skids and that I can’t vault myself into the helicopter by holding onto the door? I -”

“Well you retained that information, so it must have worked.” He raised a brow and then pointed back at the TV with one finger of the remote hand. “Now pay attention to this next part, it’s important. Also, it took us like five takes to get it right because we were both laughing so hard.” 

The video started playing again and you watched Frankie demonstrating the harness checks, showing off just how securely passengers were fastened into the seats. Pope could probably strap himself in in his sleep. That was likely why they’d been laughing, but in an attempt to follow Frankie’s instructions, you kept quiet and focused on the screen, eyes on the way that even though you could tell it was awkward for him to be on camera, Frankie’s enthusiasm for flying shone though with every safety rule he explained. 

When the screen went dark, you were quiet for a few seconds and then turned your attention back to the man, grinning. “If you ever decide you don’t want to be a pilot, Frankie, I’m pretty sure that you’ve got a future in -”

“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes, standing up straight and setting the remote down. He’s embarrassed but I can tell he likes it, too. “Beats havin’ to give that same talk four times a day. Cuts down on wait time before we can take off, too.” He pointed. “Usually I have a guy out there getting things ready so all we’ve gotta do is walk out and get in. But today, it’s just me.” 

“Why?” You stood, too, watching as he gestured for you to follow him toward a small set of lockers. “Won’t you need someone to -” He opened one of the lockers and you slipped your bag off from over your shoulder, sticking it inside. “To help get us off the ground and all that?” He shook his head and when you stepped back, spun the dial of the combination lock to secure it. 

“We’ll still have ATC. That’s all I need.” He put his hand on your shoulder and when you met his eyes, Frankie winked at you. “We’re good. I promise.” You trusted him, and so when you stepped outside and he locked the door behind you, you didn’t ask any questions. “You ready?”

“I’ve been ready.” Grinning, you made your way toward the waiting helicopter - both doors open but firmly attached - Frankie directly next to you. The walk was short, and when you stopped next to the open passenger door, you felt his hand on your back, guiding you forward. “Just get in?”

“Yep.” He pushed, clearing his throat. “Go ahead and strap yourself into the front seat and then I’ll give it a once over.” You were acutely aware of his eyes on you while you settled, pulling your phone from your back pocket and reaching over to set it on Frankie’s side while you buckled in. 

You concentrated on what you were doing, wanting to impress him - and once you had all three straps fastened, you looked over, raising a brow. “Go for it, Morales. Tell me how I -” He moved while you were still speaking, stepping closer to you and reaching out with both hands. 

He was focused on what he was doing, too, but you were focused on him - the way his fingers deftly checked the straps and buckles, the tip of his tongue poking out between his lips, the movement of his eyes as he assessed your status and safety. But he stayed quiet, even when he tugged on a strap to tighten it over your chest, and especially when his hands moved to your waist, fingers dipping beneath the harness to ensure it wasn’t too tight. 

“You did good.” He finally finished, raising his head to meet your eyes. “Not too loose, not too tight.” Your smile broadened at his praise, lips parting as you prepared to speak, but he didn’t let you. “I’m 80% positive you won’t fall out.” 

The smile turned into a scowl, one hand rising to shove him away, but Frankie caught that hand, fingers curling around yours and squeezing. Your breath caught in your throat when he lifted that hand toward his lips, but before he could kiss them, he froze, his eyes going wide. He let you go so quickly it was like you’d burned him, Frankie shaking his head back and forth as he stepped backwards, his fingers closing around the door handle and pushing it shut. I hope he didn’t see how disappointed I am that he stopped.

He disappeared moments later, walking around the back of the helicopter, and you realized he was taking a few extra seconds to compose himself. Shit. He didn’t need to stop. He … You heard him swear, though the sound was muffled, and when the man appeared by the other door, you saw resolve in his eyes. “I’m sorry for that. It wasn’t professional, and I -” Oh, Frankie. 

“You don’t need to apologize.” Shrugging your shoulders, you pointed. “Can you hand me my phone, though? I don’t want you to sit on it.” He looked relieved as he did what you asked, passing you the phone - which you tucked between your knees - before taking his seat and reaching for his own harness straps. 

He was quick with them, the muscles in his arms flexing and once again capturing your attention. But you were unprepared for him to turn his head toward you, tongue running along his lower lip before he spoke up. “Sunglasses?” Shit, I knew I forgot something in my car. 

“They’re in my glovebox.” You sighed. “Whoops.” He grinned, reaching down and unzipping a pouch between the seats. “I’ll be alright, Frankie, I -”

“You’ll need ‘em. Trust me.” Frankie nodded, holding out a pair of aviators to you - black lenses with gold frames. You took them from him and slipped them on, turning your head to the side and watching him put on a second pair. “You look better in those than I ever did.” So he’s still flirting, but … “And then you’ll need to put these on, too.” Frankie reached for one of the headsets near the console, passing it to you. “Otherwise we won’t be able to talk while we’re in the air.” He reached for his set then, his gaze breaking away from yours. 

Settling them over your ears, everything was muffled, but only moments later, after he started flipping switches and pushing buttons, you heard Frankie’s voice again, talking to what you assumed was the airport tower and beginning preflight communication. Getting comfortable, you leaned back in your chair and waited, your excitement building. 

The almost-knuckle kiss had been a blip on the day, but Frankie seemed to have recovered as he settled into a routine that he’d done countless times before, his confidence filling the small space  that you were sharing. 

“You ready?” He looked over, the man’s smile infectious. “I’ve been thinking about this all day.” 

“Ready.” You held up your phone. “Can I take a picture of y -”

“I’ll take one in the air for you.” He nodded, and though his eyes were hidden behind tinted lenses of his own, you knew that the corners of his eyes were crinkled. Wish I could see that. “Alright, here we go.” 

There were a few seconds of shakiness as you rose off of the ground, the whirring of the blades above your head thrumming through the helicopter. Things evened out as you gained altitude, everything beneath you growing smaller except for the expanse of water, the surface of it glittering in late afternoon sunlight. “It’s gorgeous, Frankie. You leaned forward as much as you could with your restraints, eyes on the view in front of you, but you were speechless. 

You’d been on aerial tours before, but you hadn’t done it over water, making the experience entirely new for you. “It is.” He nodded, the motion visible in your peripheral vision. “We’ll head north so you can see the skyline and a couple of the parks and then circle back around west to the Bay.” 

You agreed, turning you camera on, and pointing it toward the windshield. For the next few minutes, you focused on what you could see - the buildings growing larger and closer, the scenery whipping by beneath you, and Frankie’s hands on the control stick and collective. He was in full control, and you were in awe of it, managing to sneak in a couple of pictures of him with the others you took. “On the right’s Lower Hillsborough, and then on the left, the other side of the highway?” He gestured with one finger, jutting his chin out. “Cypress Creek.” 

As you approached, you felt your heart sink. They’re both huge. I’ll never be able to narrow it down enough. It was beautiful though, the greenery stretching out almost as far as you could see. “I didn’t realize they were connected.”

“Yep.” He nodded, glancing over at you. “And there’s a campground at Hillsborough where Benny’s buddy does the tours from.” He pointed. “Starts up north, and comes down back toward where we are.” Good to know. You made a note in your app and then set your phone down, keeping your eyes forward. “It’s a lot of fun. I think you’ll like it.” 

“I’m sure I will.” You paused, thinking. “Since it’s Benny’s buddy, does that mean he’d be going with me?” 

“If you want.” Frankie looked over, shrugging. “I already told you, we’re all more than happy to keep you company.” What if I wanted it to be you that kept me company? “Gonna swing back around now, alright?” 

You agreed, shifting in your seat, and for the next few minutes you watched the sprawl of Tampa’s suburbs pass beneath you, the edge of the Bay looming in the distance. That attention turned to Frankie, though, when you noticed that the sunlight was changing, brightness dimming slightly. Is it already… “Frankie, did you time this so that…” 

“Maybe.” He smiled then - a wide one that lifted his cheeks, the man’s dimple on full display. “Definitely.” 

“I…” You didn’t know what to say, so you kept quiet, watching as you got closer to the Bay and the sun setting on the horizon. This is why I needed sunglasses. Lifting one hand, you bit down on your knuckle, phone forgotten as you eyed the sky’s changing colors. He stayed quiet, too, but your eyes drifted from the windshield to Frankie after a few minutes, the man silhouetted in light, his profile defined. 

Your breath caught again, and as your lips pressed together to keep from letting out a gasp, you nodded twice. He did this for me and yet he stopped himself earlier. It makes no sense. You understood that he could simply write off the sunset flight as wanting to promote the business and give you a good flight for your first one, but deep down, you knew it was more than that. 

“Hope you don’t mind we’ll be in the air for a little longer than you thought.” He looked over at you, his smile soft. “Figured you’d like to see the Gulf from a different viewpoint.” Your jaw dropped, Frankie’s smile growing. “And sunset’s the best time to do it.” 

When the Gulf came into view a minute or so later, you let out a surprised “oh!”, eyes widening. “Frankie it’s… wow.” He nodded, continuing to fly straight out and over the water, the waves there a little larger than the others you’d seen earlier. All you could see were water and sky, and in that moment, you understood why Frankie loved flying so much. If this is what he can see here, I can only imagine what he’s gotten to see in other places. “Thank you, Francisco.” You spoke quietly, hoping that he could hear you. “This is …”

You took a few pictures, but didn’t even know if they were in focus or not, and then switched to a video, panning across the interior of the helicopter and making sure to get him in there, too. He made a wide turn while you filmed, putting your side of the helicopter toward the sunset, and then, for the first time, he took one hand off the control, pointing at you. “Lemme have that.” 

You switched to the camera and then handed it to him, Frankie leaning in and you doing the same, the man’s thumb flipping the camera so that your faces appeared on the screen. He took a few - both of your smiles wide - and then handed the camera back, returning his hand to its previous position. “Hey, Frankie, look at me.” 

You took one from your side, the lighting much different, and then put the phone down again, deciding that you were just going to enjoy the remainder of the flight. I can’t believe he did this. As the sun continued to set, you glanced down, heart thumping. All he can do is tell me to stop, right? You reached over, settling your hand on Frankie’s arm and curling your fingers around it. 

He didn’t move. You felt his muscles tense - and then he relaxed, his shaky exhale and a hum of approval audible through the headphones. Neither of you spoke after that, and you focused on what you could see through the windows - shades of blue and pink and orange in the sly blending together as the golden orb sunk toward the horizon, casting the day’s final brightness across the waves. It was one of the most beautiful things you’d ever seen, and you fought against a lump in your throat as you thought about your situation. 

You were lying to Frankie - and his friends. You weren’t quite using them, but by being dishonest, you were cheapening the experiences you had with them, including the one with Frankie that day. Yes, you were writing the book and updating the site, but it wasn’t the whole truth, and you knew that if Frankie ever found out, he’d be upset. And so would his friends. 

In previous cities, you’d rationalized it by reminding yourself that telling the truth would lead to people shying away from you in disbelief and labeling you crazy, and you didn’t think that would be any different in Florida. But this is the first time I feel bad about lying. 

Frankie’s arm shifted beneath your touch, and you felt the helicopter turn again, putting him between you and the sunset, and without even thinking about it, you swung your head in that direction. It gave you a reason to look at him, and though you knew that he knew that it was happening, he didn’t react. The man’s chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm under the dark t-shirt he was wearing, his breathing even. I won’t be here long enough for it to matter. 

You kept your hand in place until Frankie swung the helicopter again, the flight path carrying you back toward the airport, but neither of you said anything else. 

The landing was smooth, Frankie putting you down a little closer to the building than you had been on takeoff. You watched in awe as he worked, his concentration never wavering until he’d flipped the engine off, silence surrounding you and made somehow deeper by the headset you still wore. 

You removed yours when he reached for his, hanging them back on the small hook in front of you, and then reached for the harness buckles, undoing them in reverse order. It was Frankie that broke the silence first, the man reaching up to remove his hat and run his fingers through his hair. “I’ll take you back inside and open that locker so you can get going before I come back out and do my post-flight check.” He nodded, glancing over. “That alright with you?” 

“Yep.” Reaching for the door handle, you pushed it open and then carefully climbed out, wobbling slightly when your feet made contact with the ground. Frankie joined you seconds later, the two of you making your way back to the door of his office silently. 

It wasn’t a tense silence, but you could feel that he was waiting for something, and as he twisted the knob, you decided to break the tension. “That was really amazing, Frankie. The view was … I wasn’t expecting the sunset or for us to be up there for so long, so you’ve … it’ll be hard to top that.” 

“Just doing my job.” He gestured for you to walk into his office, following close behind. “But that was a really great sunset, right?” 

“It was. Do you do a lot of the sunset -”

“Not like that.” He shook his head, taking the final steps toward the lockers and tossing his hat onto his desk. “Not as a surprise. My clients usually… they book a specific thing, and I stick to it.” You watched his back - shoulders pulling the material of the shirt tight over them. “But you seemed pretty open to whatever kind of flight I thought would be best, so…” 

The locker popped open, Frankie moving off to the side for you. “You were right, it was great.” Stepping forward, you reached for your bag and then stopped, turning the top half of your body toward him. “I do need to tell you, though, that a surprise sunset helicopter tour is pretty romantic. So I’m surprised you did that, especially after you stopped yourself from kissing my -” 

He moved again, Frankie stepping forward and then using both arms to cage you in against the still-closed lockers. The man lowered his head to press his lips against yours, sucking in a quick breath at the last second. The motion was swift but the kiss was not, the pressure of his mouth gentle as he made contact, though he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to deepen it. Oh. Oh, alright. You wrapped your arms around him and sighed, feeling relief that he’d been the one to make the first move that day. I wanted to, but … 

He backed away, just enough that you could see his eyes, and when Frankie opened his mouth to speak, you cut him off with a single shake of your head. “Don’t you dare apologize for that. I wanted it just as much as you.” He was surprised for a moment, the look in his eyes changing to something you’d never seen in them before - and then Frankie kissed you again, taking another half step forward so that his entire body was pressed to yours. 

He bit your lower lip that time, the pinch of pain causing your lips to part and giving his tongue an opening, Frankie slipping it through to meet yours. But that kiss was short and messy, one of his hands moving from the lockers to the juncture of your neck and shoulder and squeezing, the man groaning out your name when he pulled away a second time. “Wasn’t going to apologize,” he mumbled, lips trailing over your cheek and to your ear. “Was just gonna see if you were interested in continuing it somewhere else.” Somewhere else? “My truck’s outside, and my house is -”

“There’s a desk right there.” Your eyes flicked toward it and then back to Frankie’s, unblinking. “That’s good enough for me.” 

— 

In the days that followed your first flight - and second night spent - with Frankie, you settled into a routine in Florida. 

You spent your days exploring and researching, some of the guys joining you on hikes and excursions, pointing out restaurants and places to visit as they drove you around. They were animated, all three of them truly welcoming you into the little circle they’d formed in their Delta Force days. It made you happy to be included, because they were all just as friendly and genuine as they’d been the first night you met. 

They made you feel safe, too, ensuring you didn’t get lost in parks and nature preserves, or go too far out of your way when you were searching for things to see and do. And there was no shortage of stories told, either, Benny and Will and Pope telling you all about each other 

The only one you didn’t see on your own was Tom, and that was because of all five of them, he never reached out the way the others did. That was fine with you; he’d been friendly enough, but you could tell that he had little interest in getting to know you, even on a limited basis. 

And when it came to you and Frankie, you settled into that routine easily, too. You didn’t see him every day, and every time you were together didn’t lead to sex, but what you had between you was comfortable. You talked every day, though, text and voice messages sent back and forth while you were taking a break from whatever it was you were doing and he was between flights, and one long phone conversation while he was on his way to drive and see Carmen. 

You were closer to Frankie than you had been to anyone that you could remember. 

Even though you knew that would make finishing your assignment and leaving Florida hurt, you did nothing to keep yourself from deepening the connection. There were times when you wanted to tell him what you were really doing in Florida - usually when the two of you were curled up on the couch together, the TV playing quietly in the background, or when you were eating dinner together, recapping your days. 

But you never did. Common sense and concern over pushing him away outweighed the desire to be honest. So you kept what you were really in Florida for from Frankie in an attempt to keep at least some semblance of what you were used to intact for as long as you possibly could. 

By the morning of your third flight, you still hadn’t heard from Alec, though you’d seen your aunt post a picture of the three of them on her Facebook, their smiles broad. So you knew that not only had they made it to Nevada - she also knew about the pregnancy. Good for them. 

There was only a week until the next full moon, and you’d narrowed down the places you thought most likely for the wolf’s probable location from six to three, based solely on the previous attacks. One of them - Green Swamp - was where Frankie would be taking you that afternoon, but the problem was that it was so large, there were multiple campgrounds to choose from. 

You planned on asking Frankie which one was the most popular, but before you could even get the words out, he was wrapping you in his arms and kissing you hello, zero hesitation when it came to being affectionate with you. “We’ve gotta be on a little more of a tight schedule today.” He stepped away from you, resituating the hat on his head. “I have a flight after yours.” 

His eyes moved from your face to his desk, one hand reaching out to touch the wood. I wonder how often he thinks about that afternoon. “No defiling the desk today. Got it.” Wrinkling your nose, you gestured to the lockers. “Same one as usual?” He nodded and you twisted the combination lock into the correct series of numbers, stuffing your bag inside and  then shutting it, sunglasses held in your right hand. “Remembered them today.” 

He grinned at you and then reached out, waiting for you to take his hand. When the two of you stepped out into the sunshine, you turned your face up and toward it briefly, inhaling. “Do you want to have dinner tonight?” Frankie urged you forward, clearing his throat. “I have late flights a couple days next week, and my schedule’s packed because of all the people getting last minute vacations in before school starts again, so …” He waited for you to climb in and then leaned forward, reaching for the harness straps before you had the chance. “So it might be kind of hard to see each other, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m blowing you off.” 

You didn’t reply right away, instead focused on how quickly he got you strapped in, his fingers trailing over the straps - and in turn, your chest before dropping lower, pulling the one between your legs up and buckling it. “Dinner sounds good.” You nodded, waiting for him to look back at you. “Want me to cook?” Frankie shook his head and then leaned in, lips landing on your cheek. 

“Nope. Ironhead invited us to the bar.”

“Us?” He nodded, smiling as he backed away and shut the door, walking around the front of the helicopter and climbing in beside you. “I’m included in that now?”

“You are.” He handed you the headset and then put his on, leaning forward to flip a few switches after strapping himself in. “They’re not stupid. They know we’ve spent a lot of time together over the past couple weeks.” He pressed another button and spoke to air traffic, and then you watched him nod, switching the channel back, placing his hands on the controls. “So yeah, when he texted me earlier, he invited you, too… by name.”

You grinned at that, taking a deep breath as you lifted off of the ground and rose into the sky, Frankie maneuvering the aircraft just as smoothly as he had the previous two times. It was a twenty minute ride to the preserve, but you and Frankie filled it with conversation - the man pointing out landmarks every now and then and you making note of them, though you kept your eyes on what was in front of you for most of the flight. 

“So, Frankie…” You settled back against the seat, turning your head toward him. “Green Swamp is one of the places I want to camp. I know there are a ton of places in the preserve, but … what’s the best? Do you know? I want something that’s sort of … out of the way, you know? Isolated? Where it’d be really quiet?” He didn’t reply right away, but when he did,  he looked over at you smiling. 

“Our RV is actually permanently parked in Richloam.” His smile widened when your jaw dropped. “You’re right. There are plenty of places to camp, but we picked one that was pretty out of the way, and Pope talked the guy into renting out a space year round. There’s no generator or electric hookup or anything like that, we just use the RV itself and have a couple backup batteries and solar panels.” No, shit. “I’d be more than happy to take you up there, whenever you want to.” 

“Just not next week.” He nodded, returning his attention to the window. “Hmm.” You leaned forward as the city thinned out, an expanse of trees and other greenery appearing in front of you. “Whoa, that’s huge.” You blinked a few times in disbelief. “Frankie, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“It’s probably the biggest in the area. I’m not completely sure, but it wouldn’t surprise me.” He pointed. “Our RV’s at the north end, about an hour from home.” That’s not too far. “But if you’ve got someone that knows the area, it’s easier.” He veered off to the right, flying on the edge of the trees, and you looked out your window, eyeing the greenery below you. “If you wanted to get out here next weekend, I can probably …” He sighed. “You can ask Benny tonight. I think he’s…. Free next week. I know you probably won’t want to wait, but …”

“I’ll wait for you, Frankie.” Reaching over, you squeezed his wrist, careful not to jostle the control. “Unless it’ll be weeks, because in that case …” In that case, I could be onto something else, and … “Or I could just come out here by myself during the week sometime, you know? I don’t want to invite myself, but I also don’t want to inconvenience anyone, and …” 

“No.” He shook his head, his tone harder than you’d ever heard it. “Explaining how to get to the site is a little difficult, and the last thing I want is to have to send a search team out for you because you got turned around. Reception’s kind of shitty.” It made sense, but it was still disappointing. He’s just looking out for me. “We’re gonna turn back now, otherwise we’ll be flying straight to Disney.” 

“Ooh, that would be fun.” You laughed, nudging him with one elbow. “I’ll parachute out when we’re over Magic Kingdom.” 

“The Mouse Police would be all over that. And me, too.” He shook his head, frowning. “That is a definite no fly zone.” You laughed again, Frankie swinging the helicopter back and pointing it in the direction you’d come from. “You going to Disney while you’re here? I know you won’t put that in the notes or anything, but I don’t know if you’ve ever been.” 

“I have once, when I was a kid. I bet it’s a lot different now, but …” You shook your head. “I’m not sure I’ll have time, Frankie. I’m only here for three months, and … I have a lot to do.” 

“We could plan something toward the end of your stay.” He sighed. “Becca and I took Carmen earlier this year, and she loved it. Her boyfriend wasn’t too thrilled we were spending a weekend together, even though we had separate rooms and only saw each other in the parks, but that was something we wanted to do as a family.” He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “Point is, you can’t go to Epcot and drink around the world with a toddler, so…” He looked over at you, his unease turning into amusement. “If you were into that, it would be a lot of fun.” 

“It would.” Is he asking me to go to Disney with just him? That would be … an overnight stay if we were drinking and there’s multiple parks so that would mean a couple days, and … “If you can get the time off of work.” 

“I think my boss would approve it.” You both laughed at that, and then it was Frankie’s turn to reach over and squeeze your knee - only briefly - before he put his hand back on the control. “Think about it, alright?” You nodded and told him you would, but for the rest of the flight back, the word liar repeated over and over in your mind. 

— 

He’d kissed you goodbye quickly once you were back on the ground, but there wasn’t time for much else - the helicopter needed to be looked over and refueled, and Frankie’s employee was impatient. 

He promised to pick you up on his way to Ironhead’s and you parted ways, but you didn’t go directly back to the apartment. Instead, you drove around aimlessly, fingertips drumming against the steering wheel. 

There was a chance - a small one, admittedly - that after the following week, you’d be on your way out of Florida and finding somewhere to regroup. I could stay here. Chewing on your lip as you sat at a stoplight, you closed your eyes. “No, I couldn’t. If I kill a wolf, I have to leave.” 

You’d never been in the scenario before, but you assumed that if you found and eliminated the wolf, others would come to check it out - and to look for you. You had no interest in sticking around long enough to find out if that was true or not, and so the plan was always to finish your business and then skip town if you ever made good on your mission’s objective. But I’ve never had anyone to leave before. 

Pressing on the gas, you drove through the light, Frankie’s smiling face flashing in your mind. He wasn’t yours to leave, but sneaking out under the cover of darkness without saying goodbye was one of the most unappealing thoughts you’d ever had. There was no way to explain yourself without clueing him in on your real reason for being in Tampa, and if you did that, it would potentially put him in danger, something else that you didn’t want to do. 

Even if he didn’t believe you, simply putting the idea into his head was dangerous. “And that’s why I can’t tell him anything.” Blowing out a breath, you nodded. “That’s why I’m lying.” It was a flimsy excuse, but it was enough. “And there’s no way I’ll figure this out in a week anyway, so I don’t have to think about leaving yet.” 

That was almost a certainty - you were closer than you had been but nowhere near close enough, and with all of the green, swampy spaces you’d seen over the previous few weeks, you figured it would take you at least one more moon cycle to narrow things down. And that means another month of … “Another month of Frankie.” 

— 

He picked you up a little before 7 that night, Frankie getting out of the truck and walking to the door to knock. You did a double take when you saw him standing outside, your mouth falling open in surprise. “You shaved.” 

Frankie reached up and rubbed at his chin with his fingertips, nodding. “Just trimmed it a little. Why? Don’t you like it?” It made him look much younger, and though you missed the full scruff, you had to admit that he looked good with shorter facial hair, too - which you admitted to him, the man’s cheeks reddening with the compliment. 

“Have you ever thought about just the mustache?” Walking beside him, you headed for his truck. “Getting rid of the beard and the sideburns and all of it?”

“Yeah. I’ve done it before. I look about twelve.” You snorted, stopping at the front of the truck while Frankie did the same, leaning against the hood. “I went out on a date a couple years ago and the woman said she preferred no facial hair, so …” He shrugged. “We went out on one date, and I haven’t done that shit since.” 

“I’d never ask you to shave, Frankie.” You wrinkled your nose, reaching out and pinching his cheek. “Even though now that I know you’ve got these cheeks hidden under all that, I’m never going to let you forget it.” He rolled his eyes but you saw his lips twitch in amusement at the same time. “Same with your hair.” 

“Yeah?” The two of you climbed in, and when you were on the road, he glanced over and continued. “What about it?” 

“I like the way it curls.” You shrugged, resting your elbow on the door, hand dangling over your lap. “I bet, too, you like it long after so many years of keeping it short.” He nodded in agreement, looking back over at you. 

“Yeah. That was one of the best parts about gettin’ out and taking on private assignments. No one gave a shit about the length of my hair as long as I got my job done.” He went quiet then, reaching over to flip the volume on the radio up, and for the rest of the ride to the bar, you were both quiet, aside from him humming along to the music. 

You were stunned at how natural it felt to be with him and joke with him. It didn’t feel like you’d only known him for a few weeks, and once you’d gotten past pretending that you didn’t want to continue your physical relationship with each other, it was like a flip switched. 

The attraction was still there on an almost constant basis, but instead of forcing yourselves not to act on it, both of you let it free. He touched you often - a hand on your back, sliding his fingers between yours, draping his arm around your shoulders when you were sitting next to each other - and Frankie looked at you like he wanted you, even when you were doing mundane things. 

And you were more open with your flirting; complimenting the man at every chance you got, running your fingertips along the back of his neck, and making it apparent that you were into him, especially when you were around people that both of you knew. 

It wasn’t that you were trying to prove a point or keep anyone else from showing interest in you, because with the exception of the first night - and genuine friendliness and honesty, not even Benny had tried to flirt. You were doing it because you wanted to - and because you could feel the confidence boost it gave Frankie each time. 

His friends didn’t give you a hard time about it, either, and you wondered if the same was true for Frankie when he saw them without you around, though you didn’t want to ask. 

“C’mere.” He leaned over after parking, tipping your chin up with two fingers. “Before we go inside…” Nodding, you leaned closer and closed your eyes, warmth of his exhale hitting your lips moments before the kiss began. 

It was a tender one, and one that you nudged further, drawing his lip between yours and then licking along the seam, Frankie’s palm moving to the back of your neck and his fingers spread wide to keep you close. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re fucking amazing at that?” You whispered the words when you pulled apart, your eyelids fluttering open. “Because you are, Frankie. I could kiss you until -” 

“You know you don’t have to stroke my ego, right?” He pulled his hat off and combed his hair back with one hand before settling it back into place. “I’m already planning on taking you home with me tonight.” You snorted, reaching for the door handle. 

“Fine. I won’t ever give you a compliment again. You suck at kissing, Frankie. The worst. In fact, I -”

“You’re laying it on pretty thick, and you’re a goddamn liar.” He climbed out, peeking back into the cab. “Now come on, I want a beer.” 

Hurrying to catch up with him, you met him just before he opened the door, Frankie putting his arm around your waist and guiding you through the crowd. 

Pope, Will and Benny were already sitting in one of the booths, but to your surprise there was another person there, too - Tom. 

You slid into the open space next to Pope, Frankie taking a seat next to you. Before you could even say hello, a full glass was pushed in front of you, Benny grinning from across the table. “Finally. Do we need to check the parking lot security cameras? Are we going to see anything that we don’t want to?”

“Yeah.” You took a sip, cocking your head to the side. “And if there’s volume, you might even get to hear me telling him that he’s shit at -”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Frankie reached for the pitcher, pouring himself a drink and taking a long sip while his friends laughed, Tom’s focus on the two of you. “Is there food coming, or should I go to the bar and order?” 

“We ordered.” Will waved his hand, shaking his head. “But if you want something that’s not an appetizer, you’ll have to go up and talk to Kay.” Frankie looked at you expectantly, and when you nodded, he stood again, staring down at the table. 

“Text me what you want and I’ll order ‘em together.” He looked at his friends. “Anything else? More beer?” Pope asked for another pitcher while you started typing, and it was only after Frankie had walked away that anyone else spoke, Tom licking his lips and saying your name. 

“Looks like you and ‘Fish are getting along well.” 

“We are.” You took another sip, setting your phone down. “We went on our third flight today, which was the last one I had scheduled. Went up toward the Green Swamp, and he said that’s where your RV is?” Pope nodded, and so did Tom, his thumb running up and down along the side of his beer glass. “I told him I wanted to camp up there at some point, but he said to wait so I could stay at the RV, and he’s busy all next week, so it’ll have to be after that.”

“Busy with what?” Tom frowned, a confused look on his face. “He doesn’t fly at night, and -”

“All the last minute vacations, Redfly.” Frankie slid back into the booth next to you, clearing his throat. “I opened up my bookings a couple extra hours a day until he second week of September, and then I’m taking little while off.” He took a drink, licking his lips clean. “Give myself a break before the holiday travel starts.” He’s taking a break? That means … 

It meant that after the second August full moon, if you were still in Tampa, you’d be able to spend more time with Frankie. But why didn’t he say anything til now? “A break? You never do that.” Tom scratched the side of his head. “Any special reason?” 

“Because he’s been flying almost nonstop since last winter?” Pope spoke up, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. “We’ve all gotten to take time off in the last few years, except ‘Fish here, who…” Pope snorted. “He’s spent more time in the air since we got back from Colombia than he did the entire time he was enlisted.” The other guys laughed, too, Frankie casting a grateful look at his friend. “Good. Maybe with some time off, we can go do something fun.” 

“Like what?” Benny leaned closer. “Vegas? Mexico? Fuckin’ Barcelona?” 

“I suggested going to Disney a couple hours ago.” Frankie sniffed, taking another drink. “Last time I went, I was with my daughter, and that was great, but …” He smiled, looking over at you. “But I think it would be even more fun with other adults.” 

“Fuck yeah it would.” Pope’s grin was infectious, the man leaning closer to Frankie. “Yovanna would probably love that, unless it’s just for us guys, and -”

“There are plenty of hotels.” Will spoke up, swiping a hand through his short hair. “And I’m sure Tanya would want to come too. What about Molly, Tom? Could the two of you get away from Tessa for the weekend?” 

“Probably.” He took a long drink, nodding. “Would depend on when, though. Closer it gets to the holidays, the more shit we have to do with her family, so I can’t promise anything.” Everyone murmured in reply, beginning to talk over plans, but Frankie leaned in, whispering into your ear. 

“You’re invited too, in case you were wondering.” He nudged you with his shoulder, and then reached for your hand under the table. “And now I kinda roped you in, so…” 

“We’ll see.” Lips twitching, you squeezed his hand. “Thanks for putting me on the spot.” He laughed, straightening back up and letting go of your hand. 

“You’re welcome. And I’m about to do it again.” What? But before you could question him, Frankie reached over and threw a peanut at Benny, saying the younger man’s name. “Did you ever get ahold of the guy at Hillsborough with the boat?”

“I did!” He slapped his hand on the tabletop, looking from Frankie to you. “He said you can stop by whenever, it’s been pretty slow this month so far. All I’ve gotta do is let him know when, and you’re good to go.” 

“Really?” He nodded. “Thank you, Benny, I’ll figure it out, and let you know. Can I go out at night? That would be pretty neat. Maybe next week sometime?” You narrowed your eyes, pretending to think. “Isn’t there a full moon? You’d probably be able to see a lot on the water like that.” 

“There is.” Frankie spoke up, nodding. “Wednesday, maybe?” He pulled his lower lip back between his teeth, thinking. “I wouldn’t be able to go that night, since it’s about 35 minutes away and by the time we were done and home, I’d be in no shape to fly the next morning.” Pope nodded slowly, glancing over at Tom and then Will. “What about you, Benjamin?” 

Your attention moved between the blonde men, lingering on the younger one, Benny nodding thoughtfully. “I mean… yeah. I don’t have anything going on. Let me get ahold of Manny, and I’ll let you know, but it shouldn’t be a problem.” He nodded at you, his smile growing. “Can I have your number so we don’t have to play telephone through ‘Fish?” His eyes flicked over toward Frankie as he spoke, Benny winking at the other man before looking back at you. 

“Of course.” You recited it to him, waiting to see a text come through to confirm that you had his in return. “Thank you, Benny.” He held up his beer, nodding, and then the six of you were interrupted by the approach of two servers, their trays laden with food. 

“See?” Frankie leaned in again, his hand resting on your thigh. “Told you you’d always have one of us around.” 

— 

You had to admit that the airboat was a lot cooler than you’d imagined it to be, though it was no less terrifying. 

Benny showed up at your door late Wednesday afternoon, the man grinning from ear to ear, and escorted you to his car, talking a mile a minute. 

It was much different from the time you spent with Frankie, and even though you’d grown accustomed to the pilot’s personality, Benny’s was a welcome change. 

He’d kept you talking the entire way to the campground - mostly about your book and website, but he also threw in a few stories about the other guys, too, specifically Frankie and Will. It was like the two of you were old friends, and by the time he pulled a small duffel bag out of the backseat and the two of you headed for the dock, you felt a slight pang of annoyance that you hadn’t made as much of an effort to spend time with the younger Miller brother outside of him accompanying you on research missions. If I stay longer, maybe … maybe that can change. 

It was nothing like the attraction you felt toward Frankie, but you gladly took Benny’s hand when he helped you onto the boat, introducing you to his friend. 

The moon was just beginning to rise, and as the three of you got situated, you looked up, smiling at the sight of it. This is one of the locations I narrowed it down to. Maybe … maybe we’ll see something. “Alright, some rules.” Manny stood behind the two of you, hands on his hips. “Stay seated, even when we’re stopped or just driftin’.” You nodded and so did Benny, waiting for him to continue. “You’ll want to wear the ear protection, because this fan is loud.” Both of you nodded again. “When we stop, you can take it off if you want. That way you’ll be able to hear all the critters.” 

“Sounds good.” Benny nodded. “Anything else?” 

“Make sure you put on your bug spray, and I’d recommend long sleeves.” You already had your arms covered, but Benny didn’t, the blonde unzipping his bag and pulling out a hoodie. “Also, just a warning - there is a rifle on board. We shouldn’t need it, but …” But what? Your eyes widened, a breath sticking in your throat. “Just in case.” 

Only a few minutes later, you were underway, gliding away from the dock and toward the trees, the moonlight shining over the water and illuminating the area in front of you. There was no point in having your phone out, because it was too dark to take photos, so you focused instead on the water and what little of the shoreline you could see in the shadows. 

It was thrilling to feel the breeze against your face, and for a few minutes, you let yourself relax, leaning back into your seat while you scanned the area ahead of you. You felt Benny’s hand on your arm a while later, the man pointing with his other hand. When you followed the direction of it, you saw pinpricks of light at the surface of the water, gasping when you realized that they were eyes. Alligators. There are alligators ten feet from me, and … You shivered, though you leaned closer, Benny doing the same thing next to you. 

The boat kept moving, though it moved much slower, giving you a chance to take in your surroundings. Manny shined a light ahead of you, and you froze at just how many pairs of glowing eyes you saw, glancing over to see the look on Benny’s face. He was grinning, his head shaking back and forth in delight. 

You stopped a little while after that, the motion of the boat ceasing, and when you reached up to take the headphones off, you were stunned at how loud the animals around you were - the buzz and hum of cicadas, crickets chirping, the low croaks of frogs; you even heard the hoot of an owl in the distance. “Listen to that.” Benny spoke from next to you, voice low. “Reminds me of the jungle.” 

You looked over and saw that he was focused on the water in front of you, lips set into a frown. “It’s louder than I thought it would be.” He nodded, but didn’t say anything else, and when you heard something splash close by, your attention went there, eyes skipping over the moonlit surface and looking for ripples. 

“Do you want to keep going?” Manny spoke from behind you, waiting until you both turned to look to continue. “I can start the fan again, or we can keep drifting.” 

“You choose.” Benny shrugged. “I’m good either way.” 

“Can we just drift for a little while? This is relaxing.” Manny agreed, and the three of you sat in silence for long moments, staring at the darkness around you. “How many tours do you usually do every day?”

“One or two.” You turned back to look at him while he spoke, the man gesturing with one hand. “Most of ‘em during the day. Special cases closer to sundown. It’s harder to see at night, so this is a special favor for Miller here, but the moon makes it a lot easier.” You glanced up at his words, noting how the light filtered in through the breaks in the tree branches above you. “I have busier times, though. We have two boats, and -”

He was interrupted by a loud splash that sounded close, followed by a low growling noise that turned into what sounded like a motorcycle. Shit, what… “It’s fine.” Benny leaned over, settling his hand on your knee. “Just a gator.” The sound continued, Manny confirming Benny’s statement as other ‘voices’ joined the chorus, and even though your heart was racing, you felt excitement at the experience. This is really fucking cool. Not what I’m looking for, but… 

The rumbling roars continued as you drifted along with the current, and when you glanced over at Benny, he was grinning right back at you, his eyes wide with excitement. “Haven’t you ever done this before?”

“Not at night.” He shook his head. “Not like -” 

But then it was Benny that was cut off when another sound pierced the air, and you watched his expression change, his lips parting in shock. That’s not a gator. Your head whipped to the right and toward where you thought it was coming from as the sound carried through the air again - the unmistakable howl of a wolf somewhere in the distance. 

It was sustained, long and low, and you heard Manny swearing from behind you, the man scrambling in his seat. “Benny? What is that?” You asked the question even though you already knew, head shaking back and forth. “It sounds like a -”

“A coyote. Maybe a panther. It’s -” 

“That isn’t a panther. They scream, not howl.” Manny’s tone was serious, and when you looked back, you saw that he had the rifle in his hands, though his finger wasn’t on the trigger. “That sounds like a -” A second howl cut through the air, though that one sounded a little different than the first, the pitch higher. Two? There are two? 

“We’re hearin’ things.” Benny shook his head, eyes narrowed. “There’s no wolves in Florida. It can’t be -” But the sound came again, then, louder and closer, and when Benny moved that time, it was to reach for the bag he’d brought on board. The man’s hand dove in and came back out, fingers curled around the grip of some sort of handgun. Why did he bring a gun? You blinked quickly, an icy chill coursing through your body. 

It was possible that he’d brought it for the same reason Manny had - in case the gators got too close to the boat. But the other possibility was that Benny had anticipated another kind of danger during the ride, and had wanted to be prepared. There are a ton of animals in these swamps, so it’s possible, and… “Benny, why do you have a -”

“Keep that handy, Miller.” Manny spoke up as the howling continued, the man’s voice quiet but somewhat calmer. “I’m going to start the fan again and get us back to the dock.” 

“Yes, sir.” Benny nodded in agreement and then reached up to flip the brim of his hat backward, clearing his field of vision. His posture was relaxed, though you knew he was anything but, and you opted to stay quiet - heartbeat pounding in your ears. He’d moved closer to you, angling his body so that he could watch more of the shoreline, and you were thankful for it, though there was as large part of you that felt vindicated. 

It’s a wolf. There aren’t wolves in Florida, and that means … that means I was right. That means… The howling was cut off by the sound of the fan, and you blinked in surprise when a second spotlight turned on, aimed toward land. That’s fucking bright. Manny smoothly turned you back around, Benny’s position shifting again to partially block you from the side of the riverbank you were closest to. 

Wincing, you covered your ears with the protection again, reaching into your back pocket for your phone. You thought about texting Frankie, and then decided not to, instead bringing up Alec’s contact and typing out a message before hitting send and praying that you had enough bars to get it through. I’m on an airboat in the middle of the Hillsborough River and there is a wolf howling in the distance. I was fucking right.

When you pulled up to the dock, Manny cut the fan off again, anchoring the boat. You ripped off your ear protection, setting it down on the bench to the seat’s right. There were no sounds aside from the nighttime creatures, and when the men nodded at each other, you all stood, gathering your things and beelining it for the small building that acted as the tour office. The three of you listened intently as you moved, Benny in front of you and the other man behind. 

Once inside, Benny locked the door and pressed his back against it, he gun still held tightly in one hand. “We all fuckin’ heard that, right?” 

“Yes.” You swallowed hard, nodding. “It sounded like a wolf. But there aren’t any here, like Manny said. So what the hell is -”

“Whatever it was was close.” Manny frowned, looking around the room. “But maybe it was just a trick of the -”

“We all heard it.” You cut in, rolling your eyes. “No way all three of us heard the same thing and imagined it or warped something else to sound like …” You trailed off, closing your eyes. “It sounded like there was more than one, too. Did you hear the -”

“There’s gotta be an explanation.” Benny pulled his hat off, running his fingers through his hair. “Someone playing a prank, or some shit like that. Because I’ve heard wolves before, in Colorado. I’ve heard a pack of ‘em howling, and that sounded close, but it wasn’t…. Those sounds were coming from different places. If by some fuckin’ miracle there were wolves here, why and how would it be two different…” 

You watched his brow wrinkle in confusion, the man’s blue eyes narrowing. What are you thinking, Benny? You once again thought about calling Frankie, but after glancing at the clock, you decided not to - it was almost 10:30, and you knew that he was already in bed, his phone on Do Not Disturb. 

“I think I want to go home, Benny.” You blew out a breath. “Manny this was great and all, but -”

“Yeah, I’d like to get away from the swamp, too.” The man laughed, scratching the side of his head. “In twenty goddamn years, I’ve never … never heard anything like that out here, and I’d feel a little better just…” He sighed. “Being in my house.” 

The three of you parted ways in the parking lot a few minutes later, the gun only leaving Benny’s hand after you were both safely in the car and the engine was running. You hadn’t heard anything out of the ordinary since you’d arrived back at the campsite, but you only fully relaxed once you turned onto 301 and were headed south, joining in a steady flow of traffic. 

Benny’s fingers were gripping the wheel tightly, the man’s jaw locked, and even though you had a ton of questions for him, you started out with one that surprised even you. “Are you going to text Frankie and let him know what we heard, or should I?” 

“Better question is what are we going to tell him?” He looked over at you, some of the tightness leaving his expression. “Because he’s not gonna believe it if we tell him what we think we heard.” We don’t think we heard anything. That was a … those were wolves. “Grab my phone for me, and dial Pope’s number, will you?” 

You reached into the backseat for his bag and pulled out the device, scrolling through his contacts and pressing the one for Pope before you handed it over. He took it, pressing the device between his ear and shoulder and waiting. Pope first? That’s interesting. Not his brother? 

“Hey. Where are you?” You watched the blonde man’s expression, catching a quick look of surprise that rapidly shifted into confusion, Benny clearing his throat before speaking. “Oh. Alright. Well, uh…” He sighed, closing his eyes briefly and gripping the wheel tighter. “We’re leaving Hillsborough right now and you’re not gonna believe what we think we heard.” He paused and then let out a laugh, though it wasn’t an easy one. “Wolves. We stopped the boat and were drifting, and something started howling and…” Benny’s voice trailed off and you saw him nod twice, reaching up to take the phone between his fingers again. “No, all three of us. Loud as shit, but it makes no sense, right? That’s impossible?” 

He was quiet for a long time, listening, and you pulled your phone out, swiping up on the screen. He’ll see it in the morning and he told me to let him know when we got home anyway, so… While Benny continued the conversation with Pope, you texted Frankie, trying to word things delicately. 

On our way home now. Heard some really weird shit on the boat. Sounded like wolves, but it couldn’t have been… scared the hell out of us. We heard and saw a bunch of gators, too. The boat was a great idea. Call me later if you want. “I think she just did.” You glanced over, finding that Benny was nodding, his eyes still on the road. “Yeah. He’ll see it in the morning.” He paused. “Yeah, Pope. We’re good. Have a good rest of your night. Stay safe.” 

It was a strange way to end the conversation, but you didn’t question it, instead settling back into your seat and looking out the window. You kept quiet until Benny cleared his throat, asking how you were doing. 

“I’m fine. It just freaked me out, I guess. I was expecting to hear the alligators and all that, but not … something howling.” He laughed, agreeing. “What the fuck do you think that was, Benny?”

“I donno. I’ve heard some crazy shit over the past couple years, but that …” He shook his head again. “No clue.”

You decided to joke with him, broaching the idea of what you knew to be the truth. “Maybe it was a werewolf.” He inhaled sharply, the steering wheel jerking in his hands. 

“What?” He looked over at you, the man’s shoulders stiff. “What are -” That’s an odd reaction. 

“Full moon and all?” You gestured at the moon, forcing out a laugh, though your heart was pounding again. “Fuck, I don’t know. I’m just trying to come up with an explanation for -”

“Maybe if it was October.” His voice softened, the man sighing. “Kids going out in the woods and camping and playing tricks on each other and all that shit.” Maybe. Or maybe not. “Happens all the time. People go out and get lost in the damn swamps because they’re tryin’ to scare themselves.” 

He went quiet again, the man’s deep breaths lengthening as he continued to drive. Instead of replying, you just stared out the window, arms crossed tightly over your chest. I have so much shit to add to my notes tonight. 

Neither of you spoke until he was parked in your driveway, the overhead light on as you gathered up your stuff. “Thank you for taking me tonight, Benny.” You looked over at him, hoping he could see the sincerity in your expression. “I’m glad you were there, and that you had a gun.”

“I’m glad I didn’t need to use it.” He smiled, the expression more genuine than any of them had been in hours. “I’ve seen too many videos of alligators getting curious and trying to climb into boats. I wasn’t gonna take any chances.” You laughed then, reaching over to squeeze his arm. 

“That’s a visual that’s going to haunt me.” He laughed, too, his eyes never leaving your face. “Thanks for that.”

“You’re welcome.” Benny pointed at the front door. “You want me to walk you in?”

“I’m alright, but thank you.” Closing your eyes, you sighed. “Seriously, Benny. Thank you.” Unbuckling your seatbelt, you leaned over and hugged him tightly. “I don’t know what the fuck we heard tonight, but I’m glad someone else was there to confirm that I’m not going insane.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know either.” His grip on you was solid, but he let go quickly. “Now go inside. I wanna get home, and I’m supposed to take a picture of you walking in that door to send to -”

“That’s weird as fuck, right?” He nodded, wrinkling his nose. “Frankie seriously asked you to -”

“Yes to both.” Benny held up his phone. “But he cares about you, so…” You gathered up your stuff and then got out of the car, ducking your head to peek back in. 

“Is it so he knows I got home safe, or so he knows you didn’t try to weasel your way inside with me?” Benny snorted, his laughter barely contained. 

“I’ve done a lot of stupid shit with women, but I’d never try anything like that with someone that ‘Fish was into, and he knows it.” You smiled and gave him another nod, closing the door and walking the short distance to the front of your apartment. 

Once it was unlocked, you turned halfway, giving Benny a wave. You held the pose until you saw him lower the phone, the man giving you a thumbs up in return. He was already backing out of the driveway when you stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind you and flipping the switch on to bathe the room in light. 

It was barely after eleven, and thanks to adrenaline, you were wide awake - itching to get to work. “I was fucking right. Holy shit!” You spoke to the empty room, nodding your head as you set everything down, slipping your shoes off. There’s a wolf here, and it was close. You sat down, pulling your locked suitcase out and opening it, reaching for your journal and a pen. “Now I just need to figure out why it sounded like there were two of them.” 

— 

The ringing of your phone woke you what seemed like only minutes after you’d fallen asleep. 

You blinked your eyes and groaned at the sound, trying to focus on the slivers of light peeking in through the blinds to figure out what time it was. Reaching for the device, you shot up into a sitting position at the sight of the name - and picture - on the screen. Why is he calling me so early? 

Pressing the button to answer, you raised the device to your ear. “Alec? What are -” A woman’s voice on the other end of the line said your name, the sound thin and shaky, and your fingers immediately tightened around it as you confirmed that it was you. 

“This is Ashley. I didn’t… I hate that this is how …” You stood, your body shaking with fear and all traces of sleep gone as you listened to her speak. “We were going to surprise you but we got in too late last night and I needed to find a place… you know.” She paused, taking another shaky breath. “Alec was attacked last night. He’s in surgery right now, and you need to … you need to come to the hospital.” 

— 

tag list reblogs coming soon!

[knightyoomyoui]

[COMMISSION] LIVING WITH VAMPIRES: UNDER THE VEIL OF NIGHT  | TWICE x Male Reader | CHAPTER 3: "Judgment Day"

“LIVING WITH THE VAMPIRES: UNDER THE VEIL OF NIGHT” Written by: knightyoomyoui Commissioned by: @nchris00 Part: CHAPTER 3 | "Judgment Day" Word Count: 5,301 words

Me and Nayeon reached downstairs and joined Jeongyeon and Jihyo, who were expecting us. I glanced at Jeongyeon, who was giving me a reserved smile, while Jihyo still kept her authoritarian aura, eyeing me coldly.

Now we are four here at the kitchen counter, facing the living room, where the other girls are.

The order of our seats would be the three of them and me separated from each other. It really did feel like I was sent here to be investigated again regarding my background and anything else that would make them satisfied to have me here, even though I didn’t need to be here in the first place. It all just started because of Mina’s thoughtful treatment of me.

“Now that the required people are here to discuss this topic, let’s get started already.” Jihyo said, clearing her throat and fixated her arms crossed above her chest. “Nayeon must’ve told you a small idea why I had her to bring you here.”

“Yeah, she said it’s going to be about what would happen to my temporary stay here.” I nodded understandably, remembering what Nayeon has said after respectfully intervening between mine and Mina’s conversation.

“Good, and yes we’ve talked about you just now, that’s why.” Jihyo answered. “Jeongyeon here shared to us about how did it went for the both of you up there earlier when she decided to explain our side to you and I’m impressed, you had unnie starting to like you.”

“J-jihyo…” I saw Jeongyeon-noona’s eyes widened and nudged Jihyo to the arm. I wasn’t sure if her cheeks just blushed but probably because of the embarrassment she felt after getting exposed, in a typical way like what true friends do. “Y-you’re making it sound like-”

“Well yes, you heard me right Jeonghoon. Jeongyeon here had a nice talk with you.” Jihyo raised her voice to cut off Jeongyeon and resume her attention to me. Jeongyeon just looked away and sighed at her friend’s silly tactics. 

“I-I did too, yeah. She was gentle to me.” I agreed. Jeongyeon looked at me and slowly smiles in which I returned. 

“That’s great. But… aside from that, let’s move on to what is this discussion going to be actually about.” Jihyo patted the surface of the kitchen counter. “You’re about to judged by us today, Jeonghoon.”

I gulped. This is it; they have made their decision now, haven’t they? They’ll probably want me to leave now, either for their sake or mine, and whatever the result, I do understand that it has to go this way. This is probably just a sheer accident that we all met together, and it is not part of our destiny for a human like me to be surrounded by a bunch of vampire women.

“I’m going to be real honest with you, Jeonghoon. I do appreciate the fact that you saved the kids back in the orphanage and made an acquaintance out of Jeongyeon and Mina up there, but... I don’t trust humans like you.” She then went on to glare at me after speaking the first lines away from my direction.

“I’ve lived through decades and a century to keep track of how humans evolved their opinions about the existence of vampires, and most of them? They thought of us as a threat, and what’s better way to avoid it is to either run away... or dispose of the root of all evil that they fear.” Jeongyeon and Nayeon lowered their heads while Jihyo explained how she could say that she doesn’t trust my kind. I do have it already in my mind that they won't, but it intrigues me how much my fellow humans did to them before those times that resulted in them being so negative about us.

The two friends beside her must be remembering everything they have gone through, which fortunately didn’t work enough to stop them from continuously living in the present time, as the frown was slightly evident on their lips.

“I do see something interesting about you, kid, but I don’t trust you as a human because of how cruel they have been to us. They’re the reason why we kept on running and moving through different places, hiding just to put ourselves in safety,” Jihyo proceeded. I was just nodding in return to her words because she is making sense after all.

“That’s why I’m sorry to say... that I was one of us here who voted to get you out of our dorm,” Jihyo regretfully said to me. It was a bit painful hearing it. I was starting to become really invested in how my experience would be living around these almost normal-looking people, but yeah, if you don’t belong, then you don’t have to apply force to remain.

I muttered “okay’ to her as I nod and Jihyo just smiled at me a little. In my surprise, Nayeon took the turn to speak after their leader. “And I am also with Jihyo too. Sorry, Jeonghoon. When you caught me drinking that blood from the fridge, I don’t know if I would be going to forget and be comfortable when you’re around here with me, knowing that I just got caught again by a human while I do my vampire-like behavior.” Nayeon explained how did it urged her to vote for my disapproval.

That’s two to nothing already from them, with me being very defeated so far and there’s 7 more to go to find out, but I don’t have high hopes anymore that the cards might change.

After Nayeon and Jihyo went silent, Jeongyeon looked at them and turns her eyes at me. “But unlike them… I think it’s going to be okay to keep you here.” I was astounded by Jeongyeon’s sudden change of route. Nayeon and Jihyo weren’t surprised, as they already know that Jeongyeon objected at the idea of having me kicked out of the dorm.

“I liked the short time we spent together, building LEGOs and talking about vampire stuff and your personal experiences in your human life, in which we both got fascinated and related to each other at certain things, mostly dismaying realities. And I guess... another one or more to follow would be much fun if we did it again.” Jeongyeon shrugged and grinned at me.

I truly did mean what I said earlier—that Jeongyeon is my favorite out of them so far. She’s so easy to get along with, and I can feel the girl—no, I mean, older sister-maybe?vibes of how she treats me. I wonder if she was really just born this way or something more through it.

“Thank you, Noona. Hanging out with you again sounds good,” I said to her. She offered her hand, and for the first time, I felt really safe around them because of her. There’s no more hesitation creeping up in me. I immediately took her hand and shook it slowly.

“2-1. How about the others, huh?” Jihyo said. “We asked them about it already too, and since I don’t want to ruin their watching, I’ll just speak on behalf of those who also opposes your presence here, and Jeongyeon here would do the same for her stance. Fair? ”

“That’s actually good.” Jeongyeon reacted positively.

“Alright, well… aside from me and Nayeon, there’s two from them also who share the same choice as us too.”

“Let me guess, it’s the one who loves to make fun of me, right? The short one.”

“Hey, I heard it! ”We didn’t even notice that Chaeyoung was walking through our spot. She hurries to approach me as she stands closer to me, and shoots daggers into my eyes with pure hatred. “You better watch your mouth or I’ll slap the taste out of it from you, intruder,” she warned me.

“You’re right, I was also the one who wants you out, because you don’t belong in here. No humans should be even allowed in here, but you’re such a sneaky bitch that I’m so impressed that despite how breached our area is, you still managed to enter here and because of what? By seducing the softest member of our group with your fake-”

“Chaeyoung, stop!” Jihyo scolded the ranting Chaeyoung which effectively made the latter halt from her words. “This is just between us, didn’t we talked about this earlier? And also, what are you even doing here?”

“S-sorry unnie, Dahyun just asked me to grab some more chips when at the same time I heard this peasant right here insulting me.”

“How is that an insult when I’m just saying the truth?” I complained, defending myself as I literally just describe what I perceive about her.

“You little-” Chaeyoung was about to grab me but Jeongyeon tugged the hem of her shirt. “You should go now Chaeng, you don’t like Jihyo to get mad aren’t you?”

She looked at Jihyo who keeps her eyes at me but the expression is effective enough to make somebody conscious that they just fucked up. I heard Chaeyoung gulp and quickly went to the shelves to grab somw bag of chips. “S-sorry unnie.”

I watched her leave as she whispered “We’re not done yet” at me and I just smirked when I responded to her.  “I’ll wait.” 

“Okay, are we back now?” Jihyo stole my focus back and I quickly nodded. “So yeah,  Chaeyoung was the third one. Who’s next Nayeon?”

“One of the Japanese here in our group. I think you’ve seen her already when I drank the blood on the fridge.” Nayeon said as she gave a hint. I went back to find out who that is until I remembered when there was also somebody at the stairs looking down at me and Nayeon who just caught each other’s acts.

“Her name’s Momo. She’s the one who tasked me to get some blood for our hangover earlier.” Nayeon said. 

“Now it’s 4-1.” Jihyo tallied. I’m about to feel really low that the girls became very distant, shy and silent because of me being an unwanted existence here. I was about to accept my loss when suddenly Jihyo and Jeongyeon exchanged glances and Jeongyeon faced me with confidence.

“So you have Nayeon, Jihyo, Momo, and Chaeyoung disgareeing on having you here with us… but that stops right there.”

My eyes beamed with a bright light of opportunity about to come at me when I heared what Jeongyeon declared. “D-do you mean-”

“They’re just four of them. The rest? There’s 5 of us who wants you here. Me, Sana, Dahyun, Tzuyu, and Mina. Sana and Dahyun even begged for Jihyo here to give you one more chance.” Jeongyeon listed. “Since it’s 5-4, then it only means one thing….”

“The decision is not unanimous… but it’s a majority win that grants you to officially let you stay with us for an undisclosed amount of time.” Jihyo announces. 

Before I was about to answer, Jeongyeon congratulated me and patted my shoulder. Next thing I knew, they noticed that my eyes dwelled in tears as they slowly dropped filled with joy. I was happy that there’s still people who were willing to welcome and accept me with open arms again, and hopefully… it won’t end up like how my ex-girlfriend just took me for granted.

“You’re crying.” Nayeon said with a bit of a shock. “Why?”

“Sorry, it just means something more to me.” I said as I shook my head and wiped my eyes. “Thank you so much, really. I can’t describe how grateful I am.” 

I was about to kneel on my knees but Jihyo knew it coming. “No, stand up! There’s no need for that.” She told me.

“A simple thank you is enough, Jeonghoon.” Jeongyeon said to calm me. She patted my back repeatedly to comfort me.

“I don’t know what the rest except for Jeongyeon sees in you exactly but if that’s what makes them happy, I’ll do it for them.” Jihyo said to me. “And you must be glad that I trust Jeongyeon a lot.” I nodded at her. “But let me tell you one thing perfectly clear. She went closer at me and stood face to face at me, again displaying that serious and intimidating gaze she has. Her face went to my side as she pursed her lips close to my ears. “Humans don’t know that we still live up to this day. Everybody thought we have already gone instinct but no. That’s why we’re prohibiting you from going outside only if one of us are included to monitor you because I swear… once I found out that you have told someone about us…

I would extract every simple drop of blood cursing in your body while you’re still alive. I’ll make sure that you’ll be able to witness it knowing you’re going to end up in bottles. Then, I will ensure that your body will never be found and you vanish here in the world without any trace. After that, I’m going to enjoy drinking your blood a lot. And you can tell that I’m serious with all of these because my main priority is the girl’s safety. Even if you dare to hide yourself away from me, run as fast as you can, even bring yourself across the world, I won’t stop hunting you and I will be your worst nightmare who will make sure the only option to escape me  is to kill yourself.

Do you understand?”

I was too stunned to respond at her… very detailed and menacing threat against me once I fail her condition. Even Nayeon and Jeongyeon were gawking at their leader’s merciless nature. I just nodded as my answer to her.

“Good.”

“Anyways, just be careful of what you do, Jeonghoon okay?”

“Okay.”

“We’re done here. Go ahead, you can join the girls there and properly introduce yourselves to each other.” Jeongyeon commanded and Jihyo nodded, also giving me the access. Nayeon just watched me and smiled as I followed Jeongyeon’s permission.

Nayeon also joined me to go through the girls, which was unexpected. We sat at the couch together and I noticed that Chaeyoung and Momo immediately went to the other available chair, setting their distance away from me as they look at me with their irritated reactions.

I don’t want to let myself get dragged down easily like that. I had to fight for myself, even if it would take me to use my hands for self defense or use my mouth and mind in coming up ways to retort back. As Chaeyoung and Momo changed positions, I also rolled my eyes and furrowed my brows at the smallest one.

“Oh, Jeonghoon hello!” Dahyun said as they noticed us joining them. 

“Hi.”

“Hello!!! How’s your conversation with the unnies?” the adorable girl beside her talked to me too while grasping my leg.”

“It went well. I learned that you girls have petitioned to let me stay here for a moment and I just want to say, thank you so much for this noonas.” I expressed my gratitude to them. They all smiled at my humble words to the purple girl.

“We wanted to get to know you more, that’s why!” Dahyun exclaimed. “You didn’t do wrong and that made us to become interested more about what you really are as a human, Jeonghoon.”

“Does the world nowadays has many people who are as same as you, Jeonghoon?” Nayeon added. I turned my head to my side to acknowledge her and again I find it hard to stare or even act normally while she’s super close to me. I even flinched as I almost forgot that Nayeon even sat beside me on the couch.

 I see that they’re curious to find out if the world they believe to appear before is still the same as where we live nowadays.

“The w-world will forever be imperfect, Nayeon noona. There will always be good and evil and… I know that there’s still many good people all around us. It’s up to us on who are we going to cross along with.” My only comment to her. Thankfully, she was satisfied with what I said to her, humming as she processed everything I have mentioned.

I forcefully smiled at Nayeon before I returned to these three girls sitting on the floor in front of me. “I haven’t introduced myself properly, by the way so please let me be. My name is Jeonghoon.”

“I’m Kim Dahyun!” The girl with the very pale yet perfect and healthy looking skin tone said. We made a handshake together to accept our formalities.

“My name’s Minatozaki Sana! Very happy to meet you!” Sana leaned forward from her kneeling position while still hugging my leg like a koala on a tree. She presented to me her adorable cheeky smile that I really enjoyed looking a lot. 

My body just suddenly took control of its own when I obliviously petted her head in return in which she giggled. Oh my god, this woman’s cuteness would be the cause of my euphoria getting shot through my heart. Goodluck to me, I guess.

“Im Nayeon, sorry if I got a bit rude to you earlier. I was just scared that’s why, please consider that.” The girl with the bunny teeth said to shyly. I nervously smiled in return, as I began to picture her blood-stained mouth. 

“It’s f-fine, noona.”

“You all done already?” The last one who is still watching TV facing away from us asked. The silence that we made was taken as a cue for her to continue. “Chou Tzuyu.” she just blandly said.

“Hi, Tzuyu.” I just looked at her in return. “Hmm, yeah right. Hi.” I heard her hum and she just went on to focus on her TV. What i’ve noticed to this girl so far is that she’s cold, unproblematic, and unbothered with anything. But that doesn’t make her rude though, it felt like it’s all natural from her and that’s how her being silent may have came from. My peripheral vision caught Chaeyoung in the act glancing at me. As I was about to look at her, she avoided me and snuggled closer to the other girl whose name is Momo if I’m mistaken since she’s the only one I haven’t fully known her name yet from herself.

Momo might’ve heard what Chaeyoung seems to whisper at her. “Don’t expect that you’ll be hearing anything from us.” She said in a deadpan tone with that sassiness she covered on her visual.

“Oh those two on the other side is Son Chaeyoung and Hirai Momo.” Nayeon said as we just looked at the two who were busy checking out something on their phone. “You have seen how hard it is to interact with them but trust me, I’ve know these two for many years… they’re just as good as us, because me, Jeongyeon and Jihyo raised them like that.”

“Raised?” I asked while I fixated my eyes on the show being screened on TV to lower my tension around her.

“Mmmhmm. We’re the very first ones in the group. I’m THE oldest, 29. Next is Jeongyeon who is 28, second oldest, and Jihyo is just the same age as Sana here. They’re our middle line with 27.” 

“How old are you Dahyun-noona then?” I asked her.

“26. Me and Chaeyoung are the same. Tzuyu is our youngest here, she’s 25.” She said as she pointed at the tall girl beside her using her thumb.

“And Momo-noona?”

“She’s our third oldest with Nayeon and Jeongyeon unnie. She’s also 28.” 

“Wow. So all of you are really my noonas. You guys are way older than me.” I said in awe. 

“Why? How old are you then, Jeonghoon?”

“22.”

“Oh, so that makes you our little dongsaeng then?” Dahyun teased me by wiggling my waist in which I flinched and laughed a little because how ticklish I am in that spot.

“I guess so, noona.”

“Wasn’t surprised, you really did look younger and almost apart from us when I first saw you.” Nayeon said as she traced me up and down which had me froze awkwardly on my seat.

I know I’ve said that I still ain’t trusting these girls because of their hostile nature, but right now, the impression they’re giving me so far is having the effect of decreasing my doubts and anxieties about being around them.

Sure, I still get nervous as I still visualize them in their vampire form—especially Nayeon—while being in their circle, but their good personality is doing such a great job of hiding their true identity yet freely expressing how they really think and act that would be appopriate for them to get along with humans.

It wasn’t a problem at all if I should serve as their “training ground” for how they should be friends with a human, but I do hope that the world is smart and compassionate enough to accept the truth that vampires or maybe other creatures out there actually do live and breathe alive, sharing the world with us.

This is in order for them to explore different types of person and how are they going to deal with it without the use of their vampire image.

Anyways, I know how to monitor my actions and so as for them. I won’t let my guard down still. This means no pretend howsoever because I get it and I felt for them that prolly, they just needed people who can have them too by their side without possessing any sense of danger from them.

“Jeonghoon!” My mind was snapped back to the reality when I heard somebody calling my name. It was coming from Jeongyeon herself who is preparing something on the kitchen to cook.

“Y-yes, noona?”

“Let’s buy some supplies later tonight. Sana and Dahyun, you’ll coming with us too.”

“Yesss!” Both Sana and Dahyun loved that idea, gesturing a victorious fistbump to the air.

“Okay, noona.” I answered after. 

Later that night, we did ventured outside, and as I found out, we were indeed in a large apartment complex, and we’re at the very top of it, which is where the most expensive penthouse is. 

This must be newly built for some rich people, I thought.

I also just picked up the idea of us going out in the evening because Jeongyeon did mention that they can’t be exposed too much in the daylight. I had it when we boarded Jeongyeon’s van.

The drive was silent and kind of boring, as I nearly fell asleep in my seat. The van was enough to accommodate 10 people; that’s why we have that many spaces for each other. Jeongyeon was the driver, and I’m on the front with her while Sana and Dahyun are just watching the surroundings from the windows.

Until they decided to give our drive more life as they came up of a plan to exchange jokes at each other which resulted in combinations if laughters resonating the van. 

We finally arrived at our destination and right after we stepped out we heard an announcement that the mall is about to close in 1 hour. Jeongyeon screamed at us to hurry up and we all entered real quick.

We bought what Jeongyeon needed for their home supply through some quick grocery. While we are also checking out around the department store, I was surprised that we landed on the men’s section.

“Go ahead. Pick what you want.”

“P-pardon?”

“We’re running out of time. Choose what clothes you want to wear.”

“B-but noona I don’t have anything-”

“You don’t need to repay now already, Jeonghoon.” Sana calmed me down, holding my shoulders together.

“She’s right. Instead, I’ll let you save some money to pay me someday.”

“How?”

“Work in my restaurant.” Jeongyeon revealed. I didn’t know that she actually has a business of her own outside. “What? You have one?”

“Yup. My father used to run it but now he gave it to me.” She nodded. “Cmon, let’s talk about it more later! Grab two pairs or maybe a maximum of five will do.” “Yeah Jeonghoon, better listen now to unnie or else…” Sana slowly shifts her gaze at Dahyun who bounces her eyebrows and sniggered like a dork. “We will be ones to pick and dress you up with the style that we think that fits you-”

“O-okay, nope. I can do this myself, wait!” I had no choice but to follow Jeongyeon’s instructions. I began to go through some panic buying while Sana and Dahyun were cheering and laughing at me for that teasing they did at me. They witnessed me throwing all nice outfits I can pick through our shopping cart.

Jeongyeon did pay for it all, and I felt kind of embarrassed that she had to go into this much effort just so I could be more comfortable living with them in the dorm. 

After that, we went on to eat at a restaurant together and try a few rides outside the mall. It was filled with joy and satisfaction until my mind had me remember something I’m attempting to forget.

I started to recall my past relationships with my ex from them, and all of those were me inviting her to do things like this that she never accepted just once from all of those. As it concludes, it cuts back to Jeongyeon happily recording Sana and Dahyun riding the carousel together. 

I walked out from them to distance myself as emotions starts to get through me again. I didn’t want this but I couldn’t help it. The pain and loneliness that my ex has done to me was indeed a scar that cannot be healed easily in my heart for a short period of time. 

As I breathe out and sniffed off my tears, Jeongyeon appeared on my side as well as Dahyun and Sana on the other. They looked at me concerningly. “You just disappeared, we thought you left us.”

“S-sorry, I had to take on some space for a minute.”

“Is there a problem?” Sana asked.

“It’s nothing.”

“Jeonghoon, your eyes are as red as your raging frustration that is trying to hold back something you don’t want to burst out.” Dahyun observed. I just looked at her speechlessly, guilty that she was right about how I probably look right now.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” Jeongyeon asked.

I nodded as I pressed my lower lip. “Yeah.”

“Who’s her?” Both Sana and Dahyun were confused. They don’t know yet about my history with my ex before.

“Girls I don’t think he can-”

“My ex-girlfriend. Her name’s Hyerin.” I revealed to them. Jeongyeon couldn’t believe that I did it, proving her wrong.

“I was just watching you three there when she just appeared in my head. All my memories of us and I’ve spotted one thing that I never been able to because of how blind I was on loving her so bad… is that we never did this kind of thing. You know, having fun while we spend time together outside. Stupid of me that I just keep on letting her because whatever she comes up for a reason but I never realized that, it hurts.

It hurts to see that… our relationship doesn’t really seem to be happy at all. I was the only one who is like trying to make it work even though it never will be for us, because I’m the only one who is loving here with sincerity. It was my fault that I wasn’t able to do these sort of things. I was just wasting my time with her all along.”

I couldn’t help but to cry out in despair for my failed relationship with such deceiving woman. Jeongyeon, Sana, and Dahyun all went to confort me and lock me up in a group hug.

“Thank you noonas, for making me realize that all I ever wanted is to be happy and not to be rejected from my comfort zone.”

“We’ll definitely do everything that your past couldn’t provide you to experience. You have us now.”  Jeongyeon said as she gently combed my hair and looked at me with her tender eyes.

My heart starts to increase the speed of its beat the more Jeongyeon noona keeps on doing it, as I just concentrated on her smile, bringing something unspeakably familiar that I’ve once had before. I diverted my gaze away from Sana and Dahyun, who were giving me a supportive smile, to distract myself.

We went home, and during the drive, I was just silent the entire time, still figuring out what I just had with noon. Maybe it was just brought about by a touching moment we shared between ourselves. It makes sense because I am the type of person who is sensitive and not really a tough soldier when it comes to affection.

They also let me decide where I should sleep, and I quickly made the option to just go to their couch since it was so comfy. I don’t even want to share rooms with them anyway since it's weird and would make them uncomfortable having a guy or lets say… a pure blooded human sleeping with them..

As I was about to lay down, Mina came downstairs to drink water and to inform me something.

“Jeonghoon, you’re coming with me at the orphanage tomorrow. Maybe 10 in the morning will do, okay?”

“Oh, s-sure.” Mina smiled. Before she went back upstairs, she added one last thing to say. “You look cute in that sweater.” She praised my look and giggled away. I just followed her figure as I find her compliment out of nowhere. It did took me aback felt fluttered knowing it was coming from Mina, the girl I owe a lot among them. I took note of her invitation then laid down and waited for the exhaustion to drift me off into slumber, ending my first day with them.

Meanwhile at the same time while JeongSaiDa and Jeonghoon were going shopping in a police station in Seoul, the two loan sharks who tried to kidnap the kids at the orphanage in exchange of the unpaid loan by the eldest of the kids were released from jail after they got bailed as what the police officer said.

They walked into the lobby, where they find some of their fellow men probably there to pick them up.

“Thanks for taking us out that dumpster pit, boys.” The guy #1 said after the handcuffs got removed from him.

“Oh, good than you both are out but don’t thank us, we were just tasked here to release you both.” the guy #4 answered, shaking his head.

“Huuuh?” He confusedly reacted just like those drunk delinquent men from anime.

“Wait, the boss bailed for us?” Guy #2 asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, so you better thank your asses instead to him for getting saved from rotting there just because you both need to serve some purpose for him. Warning though, one more failure and I think you guys are doomed.”

“It just happened that we got caught by some random homeless piece of shit.” The guy #1 said while cracking the bone in his neck. “We haven’t even collected the debt we were supposed to collect becaus of that prick. Tsh.” 

“That’s why both of yall has to do something for him to fix your mistakes.”

They all entered their car and the driver activated the engine to start operating the wheels.

“What is it?”

“Boss wants you both to lead him to the orphanage that you two idiots got arrested. He said he’ll visit there and do it by himself tomorrow.” The associate passed the message to them, making the two who just got freed had no other choice but to comply.

[wynilthyrii]

A letter to Zanrethan Sunforge, August 4

The letter bears the seal of Lady Ilthyrii—the dagger-and-stars House Ilthyrii arms crossed with the phoenix crest of the Order—pressed in dark gray sealing wax. In neat, familiar handwriting on the front, it is addressed to Zanrethan Sunforge of the Order. The missive is written on good parchment in dark gray ink, bearing the scent of coffee, incense, and smoke.

Zan,

I’ve thought hard before beginning this letter, started and restarted it half a dozen times in the past few days—because it has only been in the past few days that I’ve decided to write it at all. I’ve not told anyone about running into you as it occurred to me that perhaps you didn’t want anyone to know. You didn’t say and I didn’t ask and that was a failing on my part, truth be told. In some ways, I suppose my thoughts were elsewhere.

As long ago as it was, I still remember the morning after we thought you lost. I went to the war room office and spread a black cloth over your desk. What I don’t remember is how long it stayed there, how long it was before we finally cleared it all, filed some things and packed the rest away. Every so often these days when I’m going through the oldest files and reports, I still find things in your handwriting. The ache eased some time ago but every so often, there’s been the pang, the regret. I suppose it will be even less, now, since I know you did survive to live in a world where that fight has ended, despite how many years you lost somewhere in between.

You should know that the files are all classified, now, though I doubt you’ve gone looking—why reopen a wound like that, after all? I haven’t inquired about the classification level though from what I understand, having talked to some others, the level is somewhere like “five meters above your ass”—and that came from a retired combat commander turned archivist with the Order. I don’t even know that I could access them, and many of the last reports, about the very ending of the Neverdark War—that’s what we’ve called it these past few years, now, since the final stages and the end of it—were in my hand. So many that you knew fell away or simply fell, never making it to the end.

We’re seated in the Everlight, now, those remnants of forces that made it to the end. Arius stepped down as Dragonhawk in favor of athair some time ago, and while about half the Council would prefer to not answer to Drimmari Dra’zar as their lord, they can’t deny the strength of his claim to the title. Still, I wonder how long he’ll remain in that position. For my part, I suspect that he’ll return the mantle to Arius at some point, possibly in the relatively near future, though I can’t be certain. The quiet speculation about who he’ll name his heir when it comes to the Dragonhawk Seat is a minor sport, I think, among the Houses of the Everlight and its people alike.

I know both far too much and not enough about the Everlight these days myself—keeping that promise I made to Fleur all those years ago, the one I made again to Arius is part of it, though it’s more now than I think I ever intended. Today as I sat at my desk in the war room at Dawn’s Reach, staring at the board of all the mysteries we’re trying to solve, all the problems we’re sorting through, all the information and we’ve gathered about a thousand things, I wondered.

Wondered, if you hadn’t been taken, would I be in that chair? Would I be his general now, commanding the Everlight’s forces?

Of course, I suppose it doesn’t matter, but it’s one of those things that strikes. It certainly doesn’t stop me from taking risks or making mistakes. I’m currently under orders from Tyr not to swing a blade for the next three days unless it’s a matter of life and death—he doesn’t want to have to do any additional healing for my collarbone and decided for once on the luxury of letting it heal a little more slowly, with more natural healing than the alternative.

There’s always a new mystery to unravel, isn’t there? Always a new challenge. Perhaps someday I’ll tell you more, if you’d like to know. If I’m able.

I’ve not even told my husband about running into you. He might have been distracted enough not to notice but I know better than to count on that. Odds are that he knows something happened, just not what. Someday I’ll tell you more about that, too.

I meant what I said about not being afraid. If you love her as it seems you do, and she loves you the same, then take the chance. She’ll think it’s perfect, no matter what you do.

Be well, my friend. My brother. Wyn.

[Addressed to: @zanrethan-sunforge ]

[emotionalcadaver]

Part 9: The Scarecrow & The Shadow

Fandom: The Dark Knight Trilogy

Pairing: Jonathan Crane x OC

Summary: Worried about the potential consequences of either of them getting arrested, Vanessa presents Jonathan with a proposal.  

Word Count: 2,360

Notes: I know that technically very few states have self solemnization in real life, but we’re just going to pretend that Gotham has its own special laws regarding that because this is what I always envisioned for them. Warnings for references to sexual content.

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Vanessa watched from the entrance as the police car pulled away, hands stuffed into her pockets, frowning. Beside her, Jonathan sighed, taking off his glasses and cleaning them before sliding them back up his nose.

“Come on, let’s get out of the rain,” he said, making a move to go back inside the asylum. When she didn’t follow him, he stopped. “Nes?”

“Coming,” she tore her eyes away from where the police car had just been, going to follow Jonathan back inside. Neither of them said much as they went to the elevator, Jonathan punching the number for the floor of their offices. Vanessa followed him into his office, closing the door behind her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, head tilted while he adjusted the cuffs on his shirt.

“That was close.”

“Not really,” he shrugged.

“We’ve had too many incidents here over the past few months. People are going to start to get suspicious.”

“Most people already believe that the asylum is cursed or haunted or both.”

“Jonathan,” she said sternly. He sighed.

“The cops around here are dumber than a box of rocks. They couldn’t solve a case if the answer was written out for them at the crime scene in blood.”

“That Jim Gordon is smarter than the others,” she said, lowering herself onto the couch. “I think he’s been suspicious of us since we got rid of Dr. Arkham.”

“Hm,” Jonathan hummed, looking out the window, lips pursing as he considered. Straightening, he came to sit down beside her. “So what do you want to do? Get rid of him?”

“That will only make them all more suspicious,” she shook her head, sighing. “I don’t know.”

He reached across to take her hands, rubbing over her knuckles with his thumb. “We’ll be fine.”

“We should prepare for the possibility that someday, someone might figure out what it is that we’ve been doing here.” 

Jonathan’s ice blue eyes searched hers carefully, before nodding. “Okay. You have anything in mind?”

“Not right now,” she admitted. Her mind was spinning with undeveloped ideas; but nothing concrete. There were so many angles to cover, it would take some time.

“Well, we can both mull it over at least. Talk about some ideas after work,” he checked his watch. “I have to get downstairs to an appointment.”

“Okay,” she let him go. He kissed her tenderly on the cheek before rising from his seat.

“It’s going to be fine, Nes.”

She nodded.

∗ ∗ ∗ 

“I do have an idea,” she said, nervously swirling her wine in her glass, watching the deep red liquid swish around and around and around. Beside her on the couch, Jonathan shifted, arm wrapped around her shoulders. Vanessa was leaning up against his side, her legs stretched out on the remainder of the couch not occupied by either of them. It had been a long day at work; both of them more than content to just curl up on the couch together with a bottle of wine, Chinese food, and a horror movie for the evening. 

“Oh?” Jonathan asked curiously, pressing pause on the movie. “What is it?”

Bringing her wine glass to her lips, Vanessa swallowed down the remainder of the alcohol in a nervous gulp, leaning forward to set it down on the coffee table in front of them. Taking a deep breath, she twisted her hands together, glancing at him anxiously.

“Now, listen…you can say no, if you want,” she started. One of his brows kicked upwards, but other than that, he didn’t say a thing. “I’ve been reading up about laws, about certain options for immunity if one of us gets caught. And, um…” she stuttered around the words, utterly unsure of how he would feel about what she was going to suggest. “The most sure way for a couple to prevent being compelled by a prosecution to testify against one another is through marriage.” 

Jonathan stiffened against her, pulling back to set his wine glass down on the end table and look at her more fully, eyes wide. Vanessa swallowed hard as she stared up at him levelly.

“Vanessa,” he said, very slowly, and she could see his mind working a mile a minute behind his beautiful blue eyes. “Are you asking me to marry you?”

“I–” she felt her cheeks flare with warmth. “Only if you want to.”

He let out a sharp laugh at that, sitting up more fully, encouraging her to do the same as he tucked some hair behind her ear and clutched her hands. “If I want to…” he cradled her face, kissing her on the mouth.

She smiled, leaning closer to him, until their noses bumped, closing her eyes and resting her head against his palm. When she opened her eyes again, he was staring at her with an analytical expression, though the softness with which he often regarded her was still there. Turning her head, she kissed the center of his palm. “I love you.”

Jonathan’s eyes softened further, throat working as he swallowed, leaning in closer to kiss her again. Then he pulled away, standing while still holding her hands.

“What are you doing?” she asked. He pulled her to her feet.

“Doing this properly.”

“What–” her eyes widened as he sank down onto one knee in front of her, heart jumping into her throat as she blinked hard at the sudden, unexpected tears springing forth into her eyes. “I thought that you didn’t care about being traditional.”

“I don’t,” he rubbed her knuckles with his thumbs, cracking a smile. “But I’m willing to make an exception for this,” he cleared his throat dramatically and she giggled, squeezing his fingers. When he spoke, his voice was deadly serious. “I love you. You’re my favorite person in the world,” his fingers flexed around hers, his cheeks turning pink. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” she jumped when he lifted a hand to caress her cheek, wiping away a few tears that she hadn’t even realized had fallen. “And I would very much like not to be forced to testify against you if we ever get arrested.”

She laughed at the unexpected joke, the hand he had on her face returning to clasp her fingers in his.

“So,” he drew in a deep, nervous breath. “Vanessa Charlotte Sullivan, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she said, almost instantaneously, and he surged up from where he was kneeling, arms going around her waist as he kissed her. She beamed against his lips, hands cupping his cheeks, laughing joyfully as he pressed her down firmly into the couch, lips salty form the combination of their ecstatic tears.

∗ ∗ ∗ 

Vanessa made an appointment with the county clerk’s office that weekend, and they headed down there first thing Saturday morning, hand in hand. They were dressed nicely, but not over the top: Jonathan in just a dark suit while Vanessa wore a lacy black dress she had yet to find an occasion to wear.

Neither of them had ever been particularly interested in the idea of a wedding. It all seemed rather ridiculous and over the top to them. Not to mention that neither of them had any other real friends or even acquaintances to invite to a wedding, had they decided to have one. 

At the end of the day, they both agree that self-solemnization was the best course of action for both of them. No religious fuss to get Jonathan’s hair to stand on end, nor witnesses or an officiant staring at them as they spoke deeply personal words to each other to make Vanessa feel all violated and twitchy.

Gotham was one of the few places in the country that allowed self-solemnization. And made it a surprisingly popular place for eloping couples. Vanessa didn’t particularly care why Gotham allowed self-solemnization when the rest of the state didn’t; she was just thrilled that the process involved as little fuss as possible. 

“You two been together long?” the clerk asked as she checked their photo IDs and began to doll out the paperwork they would need to fill out.

“Since college,” Vanessa said simply. 

“That’s lovely,” the clerk smiled at her sweetly. She just nodded, fingers squeezing against Jonathan’s arm as they filled out the paperwork and handed it back.

“And just sign your names here,” the clerk presented the paper to them. Vanessa wrapped her arms around Jonathan’s waist as soon as the clerk had retreated away to give them some privacy.

“Last chance to change your mind,” she whispered in his ear, pressing a kiss into his cheek. It wasn’t like either of them were all that invested in any form of a traditional lifestyle. Had it not been for the possibility of one or both of them getting arrested at some point, they probably would have forgone marriage all together. Neither of them needed a slip of paper to know that they would be together forever.

But still, there were benefits of that little slip of paper that neither of them could dismiss. Not to mention the peace of mind it would bring her. It would do good to have all their ducks in a row; should shit one day hit the fan.

 Jonathan snorted, turning his head to nose at her hair affectionately before scribbling his name down on the line and handing her the pen. She reluctantly let him go to take it between her fingers, laughing as she felt him hug her from behind, kissing her temple and hooking his chin over her shoulder. The pen scratched against the paper as she signed her name, heart jumping as she looked down at the two near illegible doctor’s signatures side by side on the paper.

Glancing over her shoulder at Jonathan, she smiled at him with lowered eyes, stroking his cheek. “Hi, husband.”

His laugh vibrated against her back, leaning closer until their foreheads touched. “Hello, wife,” he purred, pressing his mouth against hers. The kiss was deep and heated; a far cry from the usual quick pecks that they usually shared in public. Like he was trying to tell her without words just how happy he was; how much he loved her.

Once they broke apart, she cradled a hand at the back of his head, keeping him close as she hummed in happiness, nuzzling at his nose. Finally turning away, she picked up the paperwork, and together they took it over to the clerk, holding each other’s hands. 

“Anything else?” she asked the clerk as she took the paper.

“No, that’s everything. I’m assuming that you would like to file right away? There’s no waiting period in the city of Gotham.” 

“Yes, please.”

The clerk nodded. “Then you’re all set. Congratulations, both of you.”

“Thank you,” they both said, heading to the exit.

“That was much easier than I thought,” Jonathan commented.

“I thought that surely they would give us more shit about it,” Vanessa commented, hugging his arm. Their apartment wasn’t all that far away, and the moment that they were inside and the door was shut behind them, she pressed him up against it firmly, chuckling at the little yelp he let out as she crowded into his space and kissed him.

“Mm…what’re you doing?” he chuckled as she moved her lips down to his neck.

“There’s still one thing left that we have to do,” she purred into his skin, enjoying the way that he shivered and tilted his head back against the wood of the door.

“Is that so?” he teased, eyes shining mirthfully behind his glasses. Vanessa nodded, hands smoothing out along his chest as she tilted her head up to kiss him again, grinning as his hands landed on her hips and he started to walk her backwards.

“At least we won’t technically be living in sin anymore,” she said dryly. Jonathan snorted.

“Granny would be so thrilled,” his voice dripped with sarcasm.

“I’m sure that we can come up with many other things to do that would have horrified her to her very core.”

“God, I love you.”

Laughing, she wrapped her arms around him, letting him scoop her up into his embrace, both of them kissing enthusiastically as he carried her into the bedroom.

Later, much later, they were curled up in bed with an opened bottle of champagne that Jonathan had bought earlier in the day, licking grease from the pizza they’d ordered off of their fingers. Vanessa stretched, the soft material of Jonathan’s shirt riding up her bare thighs, smirking to herself when she caught him staring. Not that she could blame him, as she allowed herself to appreciate how he looked in his boxer shorts and nothing else.

With a hand on the small of her back, Jonathan drew her in closer until she was pressed flush to him, one of her thighs hooked over his hip and her palms on his chest.

“I like being married to you,” he admitted, dropping his head into her neck, spreading kisses down it and then moving onto her shoulder. Vanessa wrapped her arms around him, heart squeezing happily at the words. Even though they’d technically gotten married for the immunity, she couldn’t say that the idea of him as her husband didn’t make her feel a little giddy; all warm and fuzzy with affection. 

And she did love him. More than anything. And she knew that he loved her; no matter what she did. What atrocities she had inflicted; or that had been inflicted upon her. Vanessa knew that her mind was sick. Twisted and torn, probably beyond repair. Just like his. They were the same in that way too, true equals in every sense of the word. It was incredibly soothing, to know that he loved her without expectations, without limits. No matter how much of a monster she became. 

 She supposed that in a way, at least in her mind, they had already been married. 

“Mm. I like being married to you too,” she told him, grazing her lips along the shell of his ear. Jonathan just hummed in deep agreement, and pulled her closer.

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Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment, reblog, or like. I always appreciate feedback and love getting the opportunity to interact with you and hear your thoughts!

[thedrarrylibrarian]

I've been doing all the spooky things as we get closer to Halloween. Pumpkins? Check. Seasonal soup? Check. Scary movies? Check. Leggings and sweater? Check Check. Now I can check off spooky fics from my fall fun list too!

In my opinion, there's no one who does a Halloween fic better than @corvuscrowned. Whether you're looking for suspenseful or scary, Crow has you covered. I immensely enjoyed @hp-fearfest last year, and Crow's own writing was a large part of why. I thought for this year, I'd let him share what's making him happy in the world of horror! Thank you so much to Crow for being willing to join us for Happy Hour!

Hello to all of you lovely ghouls, gaunts, and ghosties! I’m so thrilled to be able to hang out at the library during this spookiest of seasons, and I want to thank the Librarian for letting me make my status as The Horror Guy everyone’s problem!! Horror has been my lifeblood since I was young, and it’s been absolutely incredible to find so many explorations of the genre in the drarry fandom. I had such a blast co-running @hp-fearfest with my co-mod and eternal soulmate @m0srael, who has carried on the torch this year with a new group of incredible mods. I absolutely recommend checking out the fest collections, but I wanted to share a few horror fics that were written outside of the fest as well. 

Horror movies are my one true love, but I’ve always found short horror films to be immeasurably scarier. So instead of reccing one longer horror fic, I wanted to share a few short fics that use brevity to their advantage and let the reader’s mind fill in the blanks with the stuff of absolute nightmares.

Your Mind, A Jar by @floydig (473 words, not rated)

Instead of being sentenced to Azkaban, Draco is sent on a deep space exploration to pay for his war crimes. Or is he?

I am a huge fan of floydig’s writing, and have been from my early days in fandom – their prose is brutally sparse in the best of ways, and many of their fics have an artfully haunting quality that’s perfectly suited for horror. In fact, their fic Walk Right Through Me was the first drarry horror I ever read, and was what inspired me to try my hand at bringing horror into my fics.

But today I want to talk about something even shorter. At 473 words, you might think Your Mind, A Jar is a short fic - but the story it encapsulates is terrifying because it is utterly limitless. Immersive, unsettling, and characterized by Floyd’s usual dark humor, Your Mind, A Jar is the first space fic I’ve ever read, and might be the last I ever need to – because I’ll be thinking (and shuddering) about it for a long, long, long time. 

Lateralus by @shiftylinguini (2,108 words, rated T)

The world after the war was so big, and so untamed. Magic spilled out of every corner, creatures never seen before watching from nooks that never used to exist. There were colours in the air, in the morning dew drops on the leaves―indescribable, and new. Otherworldly, and pulled from a spectrum that shouldn't be visible in their world.

Atmosphere is so important to horror, and it’s one of many things that makes Lateralus work so well. The fic lives in an unsettling, suspenseful space that I simultaneously want to escape immediately and live in forever. I sometimes prefer to understand the bare minimum in horror – just enough to have a feel for what’s going on, like I’m reaching out in the darkness for something I know is there, but can’t quite see. Shifty nails this. I don’t fully understand how we’ve found Draco and Harry where they are – passing by each other in the darkness, communicating only in echoes and refractions – and I don’t need to. That’s where the terror comes from.

One of my favorite things about Lateralus is that, despite being eerie and unsettling, it doesn’t lose the romance. That’s what makes it so much more heartbreaking, so much more compelling, and absolutely worth a read.

Triptych by @theartfuldodger (1,821 words, rated M)

One afternoon, a feather emerges, marring already-scarred skin. But what other problems lie unnoticed beneath the surface?

Body horror isn’t for everyone, but that’s not going to stop me from trying to convince everyone to give it a try! If you have even the faintest of interests, Triptych should absolutely be your entry point. This fic takes the veela trope and brings it to its most visceral core, with needling feathers, scaly skin, and the relentless intrusion of wings. The dynamic between Draco and Harry is deliciously dysfunctional, and the weight of inheritance and choicelessness is as unsettling as the beautifully fucked up descriptions of Draco’s transformation. Theartfulldodger’s choice to write this fic in first person present was perfect – it puts us in such an immediate proximity to Draco’s experiences that we feel everything alongside him, from his terrifyingly changing body to his unsettling relationship with Harry.

I first read this fic a year ago, and I think it’s still one of the drarry fics that pops into my mind the most often – the images and tone are crafted so powerfully that they’re nearly impossible to forget. To me, that’s what makes good horror.

Making A Family Makes A Home by @m0srael (2,433 words, rated T)

Harry and Draco have been dating for years, but Draco still won’t move in to Harry’s place. Is it a case of cold feet, or cold something else?

I have to disclose my bias here. In addition to being one of my earliest and most beloved fandom friends, Mose was my co-mod for Fearfest last year, and has my entire spooky heart in their hands. But I think even if I’d never met Mose, Making A Family Makes A Home would still be one of my favorite horror fics of all time, because it is just. So. Fun.

Not everyone looks for fun in their horror, but I’m someone who really enjoys an indulgently gross, slightly zany interpretation of the genre, which is the note Mose’s fic hits perfectly. I’d say it’s best to go into this one blind, and be prepared for a wild ride. This fic feels like every campy classic 80’s horror movie that I love in the best of ways – it absolutely goes there, and I’m so happy that it does. 

Thank you again to the Librarian for letting me steal the mic for this month’s post! It’s been such a joy to reread my favs and share these fics, and I’m so appreciative I got the opportunity to do so. I hope everyone has a dark, delicious, and spooky Halloween, that you all howl at the moon, eat countless pumpkin-spiced goodies, and do something that chills and thrills you. Stay safe, and stay scary! 🖤

Thank you again to @corvuscrowned for joining us in the Library for a pre-Halloween Happy Hour!

❤️ As always, if you find a fic you enjoy, please remember to leave the author a kudos or a comment! ❤️

Lots of Love and Happy Reading!

[kylowritten]

If the Slipper Fits

Pairings: Kylo Ren x ForceSensitive!Reader

Summary: Nobody wants to be the woman whose foot fits that slipper.

Warnings: MATURE, 18+ ONLY. Dirty talk, masturbation (f), some nipple play, good girl praise, female orgasm(s). We’ve finally got into some smut people.

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: I didn’t know how much smut I wanted to write until I got started. It was more than I was anticipating, but hey, I got carried away. Can you blame me?

This is, however, my first time sharing smut that I’ve written. Hope you enjoy!

Part Six

Yes, you reply, gritting your teeth. You should be flattered because this is the only time you’ll see me like this.

His chuckle reverberates through your mind like a storm cloud over clear skies. Your gaze casts around the cave-like room, wondering how much he can see, and why you can’t see him.

Do you want to see me because you’re curious about my own state of undress?

An image of him flashes through your mind. His body was mostly hidden from your view when you saw him, but you could deduce enough from the way the clothes fit tight over his chest and shoulders, the strain at his bicep as he crowded close to you in the servants hallway.

A blush burns your face. What did you care how he looked underneath his clothes? And why were you so quick to picture it?

It just doesn’t seem fair that you can see me but I can’t see you, you tell him.

I find it rather rewarding.

You clamber from the side of the hot spring. The pile of your clothes is strewn only a few feet away, but his voice in your head stops you: Don’t.

“I can do what I want,” you huff. Begrudgingly.

You wish you could explain why you were listening at all. It would be simple to blame it on him, on your connection, or perhaps some ancient, dark magic like Palpatine. But you knew that wasn’t the case — you were all too aware of your clear mindedness.

Then, he was there.

You knew subconsciously that he wasn’t actually in the room with you. A flush of heat rushed between your legs anyways.

“And what do you want?” He asks.

He stands on the other side of the hot spring from you, blurry, the edges of him fading in and out. You can’t tell where he is, but he’s changed again, this time wearing black pants and a sweater, the round neckline revealing sharp collarbones beneath an expanse of smooth white skin.

“I-I don’t know,” you honestly admit. You take a small step away from your clothes.

Kylo moves. The image of him flickers as he finds a seat somewhere nearby, and he sits, legs spread, arms slung over the back of the chair.

He says, “I can tell you.”

“And how would you know?” You fire back.

“Even if I couldn’t hear your thoughts like my own,” he remarks, “I see the way you clench your thighs together. I can practically smell your arousal, even though you’re trying to hide it.” He leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “Come closer.”

Feet moving without your permission, you return back to the edge of the hot spring. Slowly, you lower yourself down.

“Good girl,” he says, inclining his head. “So you can listen.”

Your features twist in disgust. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I shouldn’t be here.”

“I thought you wanted me to tell you what you want,” he says, nonchalant. “If not, then you can just leave.”

You don’t.

You glance over your shoulder.

“No one will come,” he tells you. “Unless you want someone to watch.”

You scowl. “I don’t know what you think is going to happen.”

“I don’t think, I know what’s going to happen.” His voice assumes a dark edge, and listening to him is like falling willingly into a chasm. “First you’re going to remove your chemise.”

“No.”

“You had your chance to leave and yet you stayed. Why deny me now?”

You don’t have an answer. You’re still convinced that this isn’t happening, that someone else is controlling your thoughts and movements. Instead of taking off your chemise, you reach around and unhook your bra. With nimble fingers, you pull the straps off your shoulders then tug your bra out from one sleeve of your chemise. You drop it besides you.

His gaze moves from the discarded piece of clothing to your breast, where you can feel your hardened nipples peeking through the thin fabric. It should repulse you to have him looking at you like this, but instead it only heightens your arousal.

He demands, “If you aren’t going to take off your chemise, the least you can do is remove everything beneath it.”

Avoiding his gaze, you pull off your underwear, the ankle-length skirt of your chemise long enough not to expose your most intimate parts. Another blush dusts your cheeks. There’s no telling for sure, but it crosses your mind that he’s now able to see the dark triangle of hair covering you also. You’re clothed, but yet you’ve never felt so naked in your entire life.

“Better,” he says. “Tell me, are you wet?”

You bury your hands in your lap. “Yes.”

“Show me.”

“How?”

“I think you know.”

The hot spring rages between you and Kylo as you contemplate this instruction. He continues to watch you. Slowly, carefully, you reach between your thighs and dip your fingers into the moisture that’s gathered there. You shudder at the contact, and in a swift movement, remove your fingers to show him, glistening in the dim light of the cave.

He growls, the sound making your stomach tighten. “How do you taste?”

There it is, that fire from earlier. Maybe you walked into this situation with him without any clear intention, but now you knew it was a game like every other interaction you’ve had. He pushes you, and you push back.

Without breaking his gaze, you place your fingers into your mouth and close your lips over them. You make a show of swiping your tongue in and out of your mouth and between each finger.

“Sweet,” you tell him.

“Again,” he orders. “I want to watch you pump that sweet pussy of yours.”

A sigh of relief escapes your lips as your fingers return back between your legs, delving once more between your folds then up to your clit, spreading the moisture. You circle your clit once, twice, before you begin massaging it, the skirt of your chemise draping around your wrist.

Kylo growls again, this time in frustration. “I said that I want you to fuck yourself with your fingers. If you don’t, I swear I will search the entire galaxy to find you and do it myself.”

You smirk. “Is that a threat?”

“It should be.”

“Fuck,” you mutter. With a seamless transition, you move your hand from your clit to your aching cunt, spreading yourself apart before slipping one finger inside. You moan. Eyes cracking open, you catch Kylo shifting in his seat, the hand that just put the ring on your finger now palming his obvious erection.

That gives you an idea.

You withdrawal your hand again. Kylo opens his mouth to protest but before he’s able, you produce your wedding ring, moving it from your left hand to your right. It rests just on the top of your middle finger, which then disappears back beneath your chemise.

The cold steel of the ring against your clit makes you shiver.

“Fuck,” Kylo gasps between clenched teeth. Over his pants, his hand moves more fervently. “You’re such a good girl, do you know that? Such a good fucking wife. Pleasuring yourself with the ring I gave you. Fuck.”

You coat the ring with your wetness as you press it against your entrance, head tipping back in unburdened bliss. The added shape and coldness of the ring brings you sharp waves of pleasure, moving against your fingers as you pump them. It’s an indescribable sensation — the ring rubbing where you’re most sensitive, rising slightly with each stroke so that you can’t completely recover.

Kylo continues to stroke himself over his pants, greedily consuming the sight of you. You watch as he commits the column of your throat to his memory, the shape of your nipples against the chemise, how tragically vulnerable and beautiful you look as you work your fingers in and out of your pussy.

You change your pace as your orgasm builds, fingers curling. Like a musician coaxing music from an instrument, your fingers stroke your inner walls. And if you are a musician then Kylo is the conductor, directing you, guiding you, leading you through the notes of your pleasure as if it’s a song you both know well.

An entire orchestra erupts as you finally reach your climax, praise and compliments spilling from Kylo’s lips as stars appear behind your closed eyelids.

“You’re not done,” Kylo snaps, though you weren’t planning on it. “You can stop when I tell you.” He’s nearly panting at this point, still palming himself. “I want you to touch your tits.”

You obey. Through the sheer fabric, you find your nipple and give it a sharp twist. Pain shoots through you, pleasure riding on its heels. As if connected by a tether, each pinch and twist clenches your walls around your own fingers, still thrusting in and out at increasing intervals.

A piece of you yearns to cross the space between the two of you. In that moment you don’t care what he’s done or who he is, your body craves the touch that only he could provide, his large hands roaming over your body and his fingers replacing your own. You grown again as you imagine his cock filling up your pussy, stretching it to accommodate his undoubtably large size. The snap of his hips. His wet lips on your chest, your neck, your skin.

“Don’t,” he whimpers.

You forgot that he’s still able to hear your thoughts. In retribution, you pile thoughts upon thoughts of him in your mind: above you, beneath you, behind you; against the wall and splayed across a bed. And then, finally, at the edge of the hot springs, your naked bodies entwined together, the sounds of your ecstasy rising above the bubbling water.

“Come for me,” he commands, nearly begging. “Say my name while you come on your fingers.”

His name is poison in your mouth, and yet you spit it out as another blissful orgasm crashes into you, pulling you under. It takes several moments for you to recover, removing your fingers from beneath your chemise. Slick and glistening, you suck them clean, spending an extended amount of time lapping up your juices from the ring that had just been inside you.

A mixture of relief and regret spirals through you.

You can’t believe what you’ve just done, halfway convinced it was still someone else, someone inhabiting your body and making you do things you never would’ve dreamt of doing.

“I hate to say that I told you so.”

You snap, embarrassed, “Can’t you leave now?”

Suddenly shy, you snatch up your bra and underwear, turning your back to Kylo as you redress. You feel his eyes on you. It takes longer, but you shimmy into your dress from the ball as well.

Kylo murmurs, “You don’t want to know my thoughts when I first saw you in that dress. When I see you in it now.”

“You’re right,” you reply, “I don’t want to know.”

“Mm. Another time then.”

You shoot him a glare. “No. There won’t be another time. This was a mistake.”

“Shame,” he says, not at all convinced.

To your dismay, and disappointment, he still has yet to liberate his cock from his pants. As you hold each other’s gaze, he strokes it lazily.

“You didn’t even…” you gesture towards him, encompassing his languid form.

“Come?” He finishes. “No, this was about you.”

“Why?”

“To prove to you that I know what you want,” he says. “And to prove to myself that I was right.”

You hiss, “You’re a monster.”

He freezes, a sombering look dominating his features. Even though you’re standing while he sits, that he’s not even in the same room as you, he holds a sense of authority, of power.

“Yes I am."

You don't even get a chance to formulate a reply before there's a commotion beyond the room with the hot spring. It captures both of your attention. Kylo rises to his feet, forgetting about his erection. "You're not alone."

"What?" Panic molds your spine like a steel rod.

"There's something there. With you." His dark gaze cuts to you. "Our first lesson might be happening sooner than you think."

"I never agreed to that," you reply.

Kylo's brow raised slightly. "You don't have to."

"I don't need you," you tell him, your hands forming into fists.

Another commotion, this one rattling the walls of the cave, pieces of rock scattering onto the ground and spilling into the springs. Nervously, you take a few steps back. You flash back to what Poe had told you — the stonebadgers, he said — and before your mind can even conjure an image, the beast lumbers into the springs and confirms your worst suspicions.

Its a large black and white animal, with a long snout and claws on each paw that rival the length of an average person. Your first conscious thought, other than blind fear, is that the beast must be blind, or hard of sight. It lifts its massive head, swinging it into the air and moving it side to side, giving you view of two milky white eyes.

"Well, if you don't need me." Kylo claps his hands together in a final manner, then disappears.

You stare in disbelief at the space where his blurry image had just been. "What? No, no! Kylo! Come back!"

Your desperate plea only entices the stonebadger.

The beast let's put a deafening roar, then begins barreling towards you, expertly sidestepping the hot springs. Panic anchors you in place. It's not until the beast is a few yards away that your body wakes up and you dive to one side. You roll, drawing yourself up as fast as you can to witness the stonebadger stop and smell the air again. It turns back toward you.

While successfully evading it the first time, your new position has placed you cornered against the wall. "Shit."

The stonebadger attacks. You have only a moment's notice to make a decision, and taking in consideration the sheer size of the beast, you choose flight over fight. Timing it's approach, you slide beneath its front paws. It's quicker than you expected, and before you can clear it's belly, one of its back legs swipes out and rakes your side. You howl. Blood stains your dress where it's claws marked you — thankfully only grazing the skin, but exploding with pain.

Okay, you think, desperate, very funny. I could use your help now.

Nothing.

Kylo.

Kylo!

His silence infuriates you, heightening the pain in your side. You crouch on the ground. The stonebadger roars again, pebbles falling into the hot spring. It gives you an idea — you lurch towards the flat sheet of rock from where the water originates. Purposefully, you slap your feet against the wet ground, calling it's attention to you once more.

Suspended above the flat rock hangs a stalagmite. If you can get the stonebadger to roar loud enough, it might be enough to break it off. You glance behind you at the beast as it closes in. It's not a brilliant plan, but it might be your only chance of survival.

Your feet slip as you get closer to the makeshift waterfall. Water sprays in all directions.

Pedaling your legs as fast as possible, you soar over the sheet of rock and land on the other side, twisting on your back foot to confront the stonebadger. You'll have to coax it over the flat rock, and somehow time the stalagmite perfectly.

Thinking fast, you scoop up a piece of rubble. As the stonebadger launches itself toward you, you lob the rubble at its head. It makes contact directly beneath its eye, causing it to cry out in surprise and pain. The sound barely disturbs the stalagmite. You swallow. The stonebadger shakes it's head, then steps easily onto your side of the flat rock, now even angrier.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you —

A shot fires, reverberating through the cave. Your head whips around just in time to see Poe and Rey at the entrance, blasters raised. The stonebadger wobbles. Rey fires another shot, connecting with the center of its head. The beast finally relents, wavering once more before tipping over and falling into the hot springs with a resounding splash.

Your eyes connect with Poe's and Rey's from across the spring as the stonebadger's body partially sinks. Breath ragged in your chest, the only thing you can do is collapse to your knees.

Poe and Rey shout out your name. It's Rey who makes it to you first, slinging her arm over your shoulders and holding you close. "Are you okay?"

"What happened?" Poe asks, his dark eyes wide. His gaze flickers between you and the stonebadger. "Where did it come from?"

You shakily point in the direction from where it came.

Poe curses. "We didn't even know this hot springs was here. I'll comm Leia and let her know what happened. We'll have to investigate and make sure there's not anymore stonebadgers."

Poe turns to speak urgently into his comm.

Rey squeezes you. "Are you sure you're okay? I can't believe you tried to fight it by yourself."

"Try being the operative word," you breathe.

"Not everyone has survived an encounter with one of those," Rey comments.

Once she's sure you can stand, she leads you back to the main tunnel. The infirmary isn't far away, where she commands the medics to check you out even though you insist that you're fine. The medic cleans the shallow wound with a disinfectant spray, then bandages it. They tell you that you need to stay the night so that they can watch for a fever in case an infection sets in.

"I can stay if you want," Rey says.

You shake your head. "No, we've both had long nights. Mornings? What time is it?" You frown. "Whatever. Go rest. Please, I insist."

She looks reluctant. "Fine. But I'm coming back first thing in the morning."

You nod. Relieved to finally be alone, you close your eyes and lean your head back against your pillow. The infirmary is small, lined with a few beds. Only one other is occupied.

You're dragged into a heavy sleep. You don't dream, and barely even rouse when the medic checks on you. When you do wake, you're not sure at first why, drowsily inspecting every part of your body, raising your awareness to anything that could potentially be wrong.

Then, you feel it again.

Go. Away.

I —

I said go away. Your jaw clenches. You have a lot of nerve showing up now.

A pause. You think you've warded him off, and are about to fall asleep again when his voice returns. I never wanted you to get hurt.

I needed your help and you left.

You were fine.

Oh really? You sarcastically ask. Get out of my head. I can't stand to hear you.

Have you rethought my offer?

What?

That stonebadger would've been a lot easier to manage if you knew how to use The Force.

You stew quietly. That's what this was about? So you could teach me a lesson?

You don't know what you're missing until you need it.

"Fuck you," you snarl. I can't believe this.

Am I wrong?

I could've died!

Another pause, this one shorter. I wouldn't have let that happen.

Oh, but getting hurt is okay? Terrorized?

I was watching the whole time.

And you never intervened?

You were in control.

If they wouldn't have saved me, that stonebadger would've —

Kylo growls. I said that I wouldn't have let anything happen. Everything that did happen happened for your own good. Maybe now you can realize how much you need me. His next words strike a chord inside you, reverberating through your body and between your legs. How much I need you.

I hate you, you reply.

That doesn't deny the fact that you could use my help. It's not like you can get rid of me.

Your molars grind together. Unfortunately.

Hm, you didn't seem so spiteful earlier when you were fucking yourself with my name on your lips.

I told you that was a mistake, you fire back. Your cheeks burn at the memory.

You keep saying that.

Go away, I'm trying to sleep. You've done enough damage to me for one day.

Angrily, you toss to the side and punch your pillow. Screwing your eyes up tight, you think that you've finally rid of him. Of course, you feel him still there, the ghost of a presence, a hand reaching for you but not quite touching.

Goodnight, wife.

This time, he leaves. And when you dream, you dream of dark, smoldering eyes and the blaze of a red lightsaber.

A/N: (I promise the Force-timing conversations will only go on for a little while longer)

Part Seven

[wartakes]

What’s Going On in Ukraine?: An Explainer (OLD ESSAY)

This essay was first posted on April 7th, 2021, and seems somewhat quaint now in retrospect.

This essay was written in response to the then-ongoing Ukraine crisis where it looked like a war might kick off in the Spring of 2021. Little did we know that it was pretty much just the pre-gaming for what would happen NEXT Spring.

(Full essay below the cut).

So, this is another one of those essays I didn’t originally plan on writing for the month. But then the darndest thing happened about a week ago: Russia got back on its bullshit.

Now everyone is wondering if the war in Eastern Ukraine is going to reignite or potentially escalate even further than the heights it reached after the initial outbreak of war in 2014. Now I don’t think time is a flat circle, but I do think the idea that “history doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes” has some merit here.

As this conflict is a bit of a hobby horse of mine, I’ve been keeping a close eye on it (perhaps too much for my own good) ever since things started to escalate at the end of March. As more of my friends and peers have started to ask questions and express concern over what’s going on and what may happen next and certain parties have started to spread bad takes or downright misinformation and lies, I decided that maybe a little explainer and synthesis of current analysis was in order for folks on what the situation is currently with Ukraine and Russia.

I was going to write about Iran this month, but I guess we’ll save one piece about a potential war crisis and trade it for a separate but different one.

Just up front: this is a situation that is changing every day, so I can only make this as current as the moment I post it – but I’ll do my best in this regard. Also, I’m going to make no illusion about my biases in this case (spoilers: I’m not on Russia’s side, and if you have a problem with that, I dunno: cry about it, tankie). Also, a lot of my sources for this are Tweets and threads by analysts and observers that have been popping up as things have been going on and have the potential to suddenly vanish – as Twitter is want to do – so I apologize for any broken links or lost sources.

What’s Exactly Is Happening?

Over the past week, we’ve seen an extensive Russian military buildup along its border with Ukraine. Now, that in itself is not unusual. Russia holds large-scale military exercises – including both planned and snap drills – on a pretty regular basis. None of that specifically is new or shocking. But analysts have pointed out that there are several factors that make this occurrence different in a worrying way.

First there’s the context. This military buildup happens in the midst of a sudden and sharp escalation in hostilities along the line of contact between the Ukrainian military and pro-Russian rebels in the Donbas region. While the war in Donbas has remained very much active since reaching a stalemate in 2015, it has been relatively quiet and low-level until now. The Organization for Security and Co-operation in Europe has registered a sharp increase in violations of the ceasefire previously agreed upon between the belligerents in July of last year.  As of April 6, 2021, two more Ukrainian soldiers had been killed in the previous 24 hours, with four having been killed by enemy shelling in late March (it is unknown how many rebel troops have died, if any). It is against that backdrop that Russia is now flowing additional military forces into the region.

Another part of the context factor is the timing. While Russia does undertake large, seasonal exercises, analysts and observers have noted that these drills have taken place outside of the typical schedule. And while Russia has been known to undertake snap drills and exercises, again, experts note that they’ve never seen a sudden callup or mobilization like this one outside of scheduled wargames before. Its not an understatement to say that its pretty unprecedented. For what it’s worth, Russia has now declared a combat readiness check across the entire Ministry of Defense (after all of these movements had already been going on for several days, of course).

This leads into the second major factor, which is the sheer size of the buildup. Over the past week, social media has been flushed with photos and video of large amounts of Russian military equipment flowing west into illegally annexed Crimea and the western regions of Russia bordering on Ukraine. So far, it shows no sign of stopping, with train load after trainload of armor and other vehicles heading west. The Russian military has been using so many railcars that agricultural machinery manufacturers reportedly haven’t been able to ship their goods to farmers for the spring harvest season – a story that state media entity TASS was even reporting on. Other civilian passengers have also noted disruptions.

Closely tied to the size factor is the scope of the mobilization. Not only is Russia flowing large numbers of troops and vehicles to the border, but it’s also bringing them from far afield, all across the country. Some enterprising OSINT practitioners on Twitter were able to identify the original locations of some Russian military units by the numbers on their license plates that indicate which military district they are based in – that is, until the Russians seemed to get wise and start covering those numbers up, along with other identifying markings. Before the Russians started practicing better OPSEC, however, it was identified that many forces were coming from the Central Military District, which covers the Ural Mountains and parts of Siberia and doesn’t even border Ukraine. More questions abound.

The nature of the equipment and units being sent towards Ukraine is also notable and worrying. Main battle tanks with fuel tanks for extended range offensives and plows for pushing through minefields. Artillery and heavy mortars designed to try and break through tough defensive lines. Elite airborne units with high levels of readiness that already have a history of involvement in eastern Ukraine. Both short and long-range air defense systems. These are all also worrying signs. They once again, could very well be explained away by large scale offensive wargames, but combined with everything else it raises the blood pressure and anxiety levels of defense analysts such as myself.

Ukraine appears to be reacting to this increasingly tense situation as well. Aside from issuing strong statements and calling for support from the United States, NATO and the West – and receiving at least some military support thus far, it now also appears to be flowing its own reinforcements towards Donbas. It’s well within its right to do so and I can‘t blame it for doing that, but this in itself is a worrying sign that this all could potentially lead to a resumption of fighting not seen since the height of the initial Donbas war – potentially even surpassing it.

Why Is This Happening?

That is the million-dollar question on most Russia and/or military watchers minds right now and everyone on the internet has been offering their two cents as to why Russia is undertaking this buildup. My answer for now is a resounding “we don’t quite know yet.”

Despite the increasing number of concerning factors and unanswered questions raising doubts about the Russian intent behind this buildup, the safe money is still (probably) on this being an attempt at posturing/signaling/intimidation. Russia has many reasons to want to intimidate and posture against Ukraine given their acrimonious relationship since 2014 and far before, but chief among them is discouraging Ukraine from any attempt to retake the rebel-held Donbas or annex Crimea by showing that Russia is willing and able to mobilize its military might to defend their pro-Russian allies. Likewise, it doesn’t hurt to demonstrate to the rest of the world – including other potential adversaries – that you’re able to mobilize and rapidly transport a significant portion of your military across vast distances to meet a perceived threat.

 That being said, while posturing is still the most likely outcome, enough unusual facts and elements have emerged with this build-up to raise questions as to whether its only posturing. This is the opinion of Russia analyst Michael Kofman from the Center for Naval Analyses, who was initially far more certain about this being a posturing exercise by Russia. As of today, while still leaning towards posturing and intimidation as the explanation, says there’s still too much uncertainty and concerning factors to be sure of the motive and that the situation still merits cautious and careful observation and analysis before being too sure about what is going on.

None of this is helped by the fact that Russia is notoriously opaque about its intent when it comes to these things, more so than even the usual song and dance of geopolitics that states and nations engage in. Further alarm bells are raised by the way the Russian propaganda machine appears to have suddenly gone into overdrive, both in terms of spreading disinformation on social media, but also in the sudden bellicose tone taken by state-run media as well. All of this raises deeper questions about Russia’s intent in this situation, with no real satisfactory answers so far.

What Might Happen Next?

That’s the next big question on everyone’s minds, after “why this is all happening.” If this is all just posturing, the most likely outcome is Russia decides it has enough forces in the region for its liking, does a series of drills and exercises along the border to try and intimidate Ukraine and the West, and then wraps everything up and sends all the troops back to barracks without incident. The war in Ukraine resumes its Frozen Conflict status – until the next crisis of course – and everything goes back to “normal”.

But what if it’s not all just for show? Could Russia launch a wholesale invasion of Ukraine? That’s not impossible, but it would be a significant escalation on Russia’s part and is probably the least probable of all the outcomes if you were to ask any Russia watcher. If Russia openly launched a full scale invasion of Ukraine, it could at best further isolate and cement its international status as a pariah among nations. At worst, that could even bring NATO fully into the conflict, escalating what was a regional, internal conflict, into a full-scale European or even world war. Again, none that doesn’t mean such an escalation is impossible (unfortunately), but Russia would be taking an exceptional risk – one that I don’t think it would take on a whim and with the eyes of the world on it unless it suddenly had an excellent excuse fall in its lap or it felt it had no other choice in order to defend some vital interest or its very existence as a state.

What might be more likely – and what Kofman lays out in one of his previously mentioned twitter threads – is that a significant escalation of fighting within the Donbas might be in store. We may see fighting of the same intensity as the early days of the war but limited to skirmishes and clashes in that region and not spreading beyond it. That’s not great, sure. But its not as bad as the war spreading beyond the Donetsk and Luhansk provinces and escalating. He also points out that if any escalation happens, it may not be in our immediate future, but could happen later in April or even in May (guess I better strap myself in for a month of anxiety then).

But, even if Russia’s intent is to simply posture, or only to go on the offensive within Donbas, there’s always the possibility that events on the ground could get out of theirs – and Ukraine’s – grasp and escalate of their own volition. When you pump up the propaganda machine, there’s always the possibility that things can take on a life of their own. Add in the fact that the number of both Russia and Ukrainian forces in the area are increasing, tensions are rising, and additional stress and pressure are being put on everyone involved and you may have problems. Even if neither party wants outright war, its important to remember that states and governments are not single, monolithic, rational actors. They are made up of multiple elements with different – sometimes conflicting – interests and goals. This means that even when its absolutely in a state’s best interest to avoid war and its leaders know that a comedy of errors and missteps can potentially lead them right to that war anyway (Full disclosure: there are some decent arguments against this very idea of “accidental” war but I still think its worth mentioning as an aside).

Isn’t Ukraine Fascist Anyway?

Ok, this one is starkly different in tone, but I want to address this claim in particular because it’s making the rounds by tankies and campists alike to basically justify whatever Russia may or may not end up doing in Ukraine. So, let’s deal with it right now, bluntly.

Does Ukraine have a problem with the far right? Absolutely and undisputedly, it does. Has it done a great job at dealing with that problem? Nope, it has not – as some recent evidence shows. However, it does Ukraine and the regular people living there hoping not to become engulfed in fresh fighting a disservice to simply write the entire country off as a fascist state in its entirety. This thread on Twitter does a far better job than I at addressing some of the tankie talking points being used to try and paint Ukraine as a whole of being in the wrong and worthy of destruction while putting Russia up on a pedestal. To put it simply, while the far-right has been a persistent issue in Ukraine since the 2014 revolution, its power and influence is often overstated for propaganda purposes and the far right is more often than not at odds with the government rather than a full integrated part of it – with many Ukrainians protesting against it as well.

Again, I’m not trying to excuse any behavior here. Ukraine continues to disappoint me in not more effectively dealing with this problem – much as the United States and most of Western Europe does. But this is not a reason to simply abandon the country or actively root for Russia to rip it to shreds. Plus, the same people who are likely to promote these kinds of narratives are also the same ones who are likely to ignore that more than a handful of far-right Russians have found themselves fighting on the opposite side of the conflict. You ever wonder why the infamous Russian mercenary group Wagner got its name? Well that was from its founder, who fought in the early stages of the war in Ukraine and took the nickname “Wagner” because he was fascinated with Nazi Germany – Wagner being one of Hitler’s favorite composers – and would wear a World War II-era German steel helmet into combat. So, take that home with you I guess.

There are plenty of things you can criticize the Ukrainian government about. But I don’t think any of them rise to the level of painting Russia as being the ‘good guy’ in any of this. What Russia has done to Ukraine since 2014 is inexcusable and illegal, whether it be the annexation of Crimea, the invasion of Donbas, and other forms of interference and undermining. I have no problem taking a side when I think someone is in the right or in the wrong, as I did with Armenia and Azerbaijan. Whatever you think about Ukraine, its not in the wrong for defending itself.

Why Should I Care?

I usually end these with a mix of “what happens next” with “why should I care”, but seeing as I already hypothesized a bit on what might happen next, I’ll focus on what this should matter to you (though if you’re reading this I’m going to assume you already care somewhat).

From a national security standpoint, what’s going on in Ukraine is important even if it doesn’t escalate. It shows a continuing pattern of concerning behavior by Russia that, even if it doesn’t culminate in a disaster today, could do so another time. The fact that the media seems to hype up any Russian action as potentially being the harbinger of World War III – especially since the 2016 election interference – may make some people numb to Russia’s activities or even actively push back because of a not-unfounded mistrust of mainstream media narratives. Obviously, we shouldn’t treat every suspicious Russian action like the greatest threat to civilization, but we should be able to view them broadly and recognize a pattern of bad behavior that is becoming increasingly more threatening and could eventually spill over into outright conflict if not responded to properly.

If some kind of war does actually emerge from this crisis, then I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain why you should care. If the conflict spreads out from Donbas and draws in surrounding countries or even NATO, obviously we should care as it may become a threat to us. Even if it remains limited to Donbas in particular or Ukraine in general, we should care because of impact it will have on a people who have already been suffering from the effects of over seven years of on-again, off-again warfare – potentially affecting even more.

This is where the leftist angle comes in, and the spirit of internationalism – and part of why I felt I wanted to write this piece, aside from it being an issue that’s important to me and being current. If leftists are going to take a stand against imperialistic attitudes and actions by the United States towards the rest of the world, or those by any of its allies, then it can’t turn a blind eye to imperialist adventures by other states as well. What’s going in in Ukraine is only the latest event in a long and tortured history between Russia and Ukraine going back to when the Tsars first marched into the region and eventually annexed it into the Russian Empire in the 18th century. Whatever you can criticize Ukraine for, you can still support its people wanting to fight back against an imperial power that simply will not leave it alone. Its one thing to simply not be aware of it, but if you actively reject it, then you’re quite simply just a tankie or a campist and are unknowingly – or knowingly – carrying water for Russia and its own brand of oppression.

To be fair, can we really do anything about this? No, I suppose not. I guess if you really want you could go in fight in Donbas but I wouldn’t recommend that (and probably, legally shouldn’t). I realize it’s a lot to ask people to devote mental and emotional energy to caring about this when A.) we have our own pressing concerns at home; and B.) there is virtually nothing most ordinary people can do to have a direct impact on what’s going on in Ukraine. That being said, a point I often return to is you can’t be a leftist without some empathy, and that includes the plight of people in other countries. Being a good leftist means being a good internationalist and caring about the rest of the world and what happens to it and at least offering some words of support.

Likewise, if we ever hope of actually governing and changing anything some day, these are issues we need to be aware of and have actual policies and plans to address with should we ever (hopefully) get to that point. As much as some people might lead you to believe that if the United States ceased to exist that imperialism and war would suddenly vanish, Russia and its history with its neighbors – the vast majority of which predates the founding of the United States – is a pretty good reason to point out why that’s bullshit.

As I said before, this situation is changing day to day, hour to hour. As of writing this, Russian tanks and vehicles are still heading towards Ukraine and there are (unconfirmed) reports of more skirmishes in Donbas – such as around Donetsk airport, the site of previous battles. For the time being, all we can do is remain aware of what’s going on, not jumping to any conclusions but also preparing ourselves for the unexpected and undesired. Simply put: “watch this space.”

While I’m a student of war and fascinated by it, I certainly don’t hope war happens. That’s not something anyone should wish for. As much as I think war is sometimes unavoidable or even necessary, I don’t think this is one of those cases. I don’t have the magic solution to what’s been going on in Ukraine, but I know an intensified war would only mean more suffering and death for everyone involved. Hopefully, the most likely course of action will play out and this will all amount to nothing. If not, we should hope that any conflict that emerges is short, does not escalate to highly destructive heights, and ends in a way maybe buys some stability. We’ll see.

[officialleehadan]

Battle Scars

Myth and Magic

+++

“Are you sure you’re alright to spar?”

Seften had spent most of the day being chased around the salle by Emar, and now Mithale was teaching him how best to channel magic through the spell array on his new shield. He hadn’t expected her to know so much about pairing magic and steel. Her smile was sad when she admitted that her husband, Aelsrik, used a sword and shield. He also carried a monstrous double-handed sword, and traded between them depending on the fight.

As a result, he and Mithale spent long hours tinkering with the enchantments on his weapons, and on hers as well, before she got her blue diamond staff. Together, she and Aelsrik built out the charms on their gear, until they were nearly unstoppable, even without their own skill and magic to back up their skills with their weapons.

That wasn’t the part that had Seften worried, though. He knew that Mithale was good for hours of spellcasting, and wouldn’t even begin to sweat where any other mage would have collapsed hours before. Now, though, she was just a little pale under her tan.

“I’m fine,” she said and waved him off in favor of a mug of water from one of the squires. She smiled at the boy, who looked somewhat awestruck by her, and took a long drink. “I always forget how hot it is here is all. Just wait until we go south, to the edge of the desert.”

She was dodging the question, but he wasn’t really ready to press the issue. Not when he probably didn’t look any better after a long day of training. He had learned so much from both her and Emar, but he was also exhausted. He couldn’t exactly blame Mithale for being a little pale after casting enough magic to level a small army, all so he could see how it worked.

“I’ve never been to the desert,” he accepted the change of topic without protest, and slung his shield up over his shoulder, onto his back. He was starting to get used to the weight of it on his arm. It was actually lighter than the one he had before. So was his new sword, in fact. He wasn’t sorry to have replaced either, although he had both for a long time. They were nothing special. It was better to have weapons that would hold up to what they were soon to face. “This is about as far south as I’ve ever been, in fact.”

“I thought you had traveled a fair bit.”

“I have, but I’m a mercenary… or I suppose I was,” Seften pointed out reasonably and smiled at the serving girl who offered him the next mug of water. Emar had bowed out more than an hour earlier, claiming royal business, which was reasonable. He was the high king, after all. Seften felt entirely honored that Emar insisted on training him himself as it was. “I followed caravans and wars for the most part.”

Mithale went quiet all at once and her unnerving, featureless blue eyes landed on him. She seemed to reach for words that wouldn’t quite come before she figured herself out.

“I wonder how often we were on opposite sides,” she said softly, with a strange sort of expression, like the memory of the emotion, not of fear itself, on her face. She had been in half a dozen wars, he remembered suddenly. Wars that she barely survived. Wars she sometimes won with nobody but her husband at her side. She was the hero that came to turn the tide of wars that were almost lost. “Seften, how close did I come to killing you without ever knowing it? Without ever finding you?”

The horror written across her face was enough for him to set his water aside and pull his sister, his little sister, five years younger than him and so powerful, into his arms.

“You didn’t,” he swore to her as he frantically cast his mind over the legends of her deeds and compared them to his own scant victories. “I wasn’t here for the Green Glass invasion, I was serving King Seult during the Night Storm Wars, and I was with Queen Moonsong’s forces during The Reign of Fire. Those are the only wars you’ve been in near anywhere I was. We’ve never fought against each other. I swear.”

She took a long, shuddering breath and held tight to him. She wasn’t crying, he didn’t think, but he understood why she was so shaken. It would have been easy, so easy, for him to have been on the other side of her. To have been one of twenty thousand soldiers who died under her spells as she held back an invasion, or when she and her husband summoned up the ghost of an ancient dragon and burned an entire battlefield to hard glass.

“You weren’t there,” she whispered, almost to herself. “You weren’t there. I didn’t hurt you. Did you… did you even see us during the Night Storm Wars?”

“Once,” Seften told her, and pulled her out of the salle towards the gardens. The salle wasn’t the right place for this conversation and Mithale had admitted that she loved the water gardens. “I was with a mercenary company at the time. We were backed into a castle. Surrounded. Under siege. Most of us, we pretty much figured we were done-for when the elves covered the castle in darkness.”

“Which castle?”

“Lion’s Mane. We were getting ready to make our last stand when there was this… this blinding light, and suddenly it was like a star had landed at the front gates,” Seften told the story of the one time he saw a hero up close. The time when he was saved by a miracle carried by the sister he didn’t knew he had. “You and Aelsrik hit the army like a thunderbolt, and suddenly the darkness was gone. We didn’t even know what had happened, but we knew something was different, so we charged. You know how it ended.”

Out of five thousand, six hundred soldiers made the charge, led by a pair of heroes who wielded magic and weapons unlike any he had ever seen. He felt the rush of healing as it swept over their forces and kept men alive who might have died. He saw the flares of magic as the two heroes made it through the enemy army and went for the general’s tent.

He remembered the cheer that rose from them when they saw the banners go up in flames. He had screamed himself hoarse, stunned and shaken and alive.

“You saved me,” he told Mithale, who was entranced by the story of her own deeds. “I took an arrow in the lung during that battle. Pulled it out so I could keep fighting. The wound was whistling, so I figured that was the end, you know? Then you cast your healing spell over everyone and healed it.”

“I wondered, when we met, why you had a hint of my magic on you,” she said softly, and leaned over to press her hand to his chest suddenly. He yelped as healing magic rippled through him, washing away his bruises, and even the papercut he got writing a letter that morning. She ignored his surprise and her brow furrowed. The old scar from that battle warmed slightly, and suddenly the persistent ache of it, his reminder of that terrible war, was gone. “I couldn’t figure it out, but… there. It won’t bother you anymore at least. I’m sorry I couldn’t do better of you back then. I was still new to healing.”

“You saved my life, Little Sister,” he said and nudged her side with his elbow until she smiled wanly. She was still a little pale and he was still worried, but that was a problem for later. “Thank you for fixing my lungs, but don’t forget that you saved me. You saved a lot of us that day. I figured the scar was just a part of war. It’s not my only one.”

“I’ll fix the rest-“

“That’s not the point, Mithale,” he said, surprising himself, and her, with his firm tone. She looked up at him, strange eyes wide. “I was a soldier for a long time. I have scars. So do you.” To prove his point, he poked her in the forehead and she went cross-eyed trying to see his finger. “You’re a hero. You probably have more scars than I do. I’m not the one who fought a god.”

“It was one time,” Mithale muttered defensively, but she smiled a little too. “I take your point. Come on. Full moon is tonight, and once we have Emar’s blood, we’ll be traveling onward. Might as well take advantage of the castle’s luxuries before we get back on the road.”

+++

Myth and Magic:

A Found Connection (Subscriber Only!)

Train to Spell (Subscriber Only!)

While We Walk

Night Burn

Storming Hell

Blood of a King

Terrace Legends

Fire in the Ring

Battle Scars (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[whomstress]

Which One? Chadverse su fic

Hey so I asked @universallywriting a while ago if I could do a fic on their and @suf-fering au and it was going to be much longer than this but I’ve been sitting on this so long I just needed to post it or it’d get lost forever. I know the pacing is fast but I also haven’t written in a while so I’m a little rusty. Hope you guys still like it!

“So that’s another one for me!” Star puts a tally on his board adding to a solid 7 whereas Diamond points have reached a measly 3.

“Can we please stop? I wanna actually watch some of this movie!” Connie said giggling at her husband’s pouty face. She didn’t like how this game was turning. Diamond may not show many emotions, but a game based on which one of them makes her happier in a situation and him losing by half is probably not making him feel great. Even though she knew he’d sit through it if she wanted to.

“Booooo! Just when things were really starting to get good.” Star flops back on the sofa, “I’m the winner so guess that means I’m the better boyfriend too.”

“What?” Connine and Diamond say at the same time looking at him.

“I mean c’mon he got three things you like about him more and two weren’t even about him.”

“Star, that’s not funny.” Connie said, putting down her drink.

“You're right it’s sad. He can cook and clean, more of a maid than a boyfriend.” He’s now directly staring Diamond down and Connie can feel the agitation in the room rising. It’s one thing when Star got mad but when Diamond snapped so did a good portion of things in the room.

“Star, stop! That’s not even true!” But they weren’t listening to her. They’d been caught up in their own world.

“He doesn’t have a heart, how's the tinman expected to know how to love?”

She hears a creak in the wood as he clenched a little too hard despite his stoic face, knowing the tale tale sign of Diamond starting to get upset.

This wasn’t common but also not something that happened before more than a few times over the years. Though Star was usually one to let himself become overrun with emotions to the point they overtook him there were times he could use them as weapons and tear someone apart. 

More often than not it was himself. Steven had told her about this; it was a type of self harm his consular had told him. One side bullying the other with his greatest insecurities. It was much easier to pick on his Diamond side; it didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with things the same. Since Star knew what bothered Diamond the most he could aim for like a bullet to the heart. Half the defense, double the damage.

Connie learned Star got his frustrations out but it causes more problems for both of them. Steven’s therapist was kind enough to explain to her what follows this. She thanks the stars for psychiatric professionals because despite how much she loves Steven she’s been so lost other times. Connie lets out a heavy sigh; she'll need to stop this soon or Star will spiral and Diamond will wonder off for a couple days again. 

“Alright enough is enough. I’m putting my foot down. If you can’t talk right now that’s fine but we’re NOT going after each other after the first nice night we’ve had alone since the baby was born, understand?” Her face softens and she says, “If not for you, at least for us. Please.”

Connie looks at Star and he’s looking at the crushed part of the couch with an intense stare. He knows where this will go if this doesn’t stop now. So she gets his attention and makes him look her in the eyes so she knows what she’s asking. “Star?”

He looks up and takes a look at the room. All the romantic lights and flower petals they set up for her. This was meant to be special. Gems and Dad with the baby. It was just supposed to be them being as comfortable and relaxed as they could be with him split like this. “I guess… it would be a waste to let this night go in the gutter.”

Connie knows it’s a reluctant comply but she’s still grateful. “Thank you, Star.” 

She places a hand where his Diamonds is still clenched on the couch to guide his eyes to her for the same kind of promise, “Diamond?”

He lets out a clenched breath as if that doesn’t say enough how hard this is for him since she’s pretty sure he doesn’t even breathe. He looks deeply in her eyes for a moment searching for something and she briefly wonders if he found what he was looking for before he flips his hand over to gently rub a thumb over the top of her hand, “Anything for you.”

She sits back down and puts her vacant hand in Stars and he instantly takes it to his lips with a kiss. The air is still tense but it’s much calmer now. Still thick with fresh wounds but manageable.

The movie plays on in silence but Connie’s equal attention is a comfort the men can’t ignore. It’s calming and cooling like the waves outside their window. It brushes over them in a breeze and they can feel themselves relax physically and mentally around her in a matter of minutes.

It doesn’t take long before they occupy her space in a familiar way. She thinks it’s crazy how his mood can change so quickly. One minute they're at each other's throats and the next they want to cuddle.

She knows it can be messy at times but she’ll love him no matter what. She's just glad the crisis was averted and it shows to how much he’s grown because before this was practically impossible. The fact that he’s willing to not fall into his old habits is exactly why she believes in him so much.

He believes anyone can change. It’s one of his great strengths. Everyone has a chance at redemption and despite this fight Connie can’t help how proud she feels knowing he’s allowed some of that compassion to himself. Because for the longest time he hasn’t. 

After about another half hour everyone has finally relaxed enough to mold into each other, but because of this the movie starts to drag on and her eyes start to get droopy. She’s about to fall asleep when she hears, “Hey Connie?”

She hums perfectly comfortable to fall asleep between her husbands. Star laughs and Diamond lip quirks at her cuteness of her little wrinkle of her nose, “Can we ask one more question?”

She frowns rather harshly for how sleepy she is, “That really does not sound like a good idea.”

“I know, I know, but we’ve been wanting to ask this for a while and we won’t fight. Swear it.” 

She’s about to argue more firmly but when she peaks her eyes open they both have puppy eyes and despite knowing this is pretty suspicious she decides once again to give in to them. Because like she said they did so well tonight and jeez if that wasn’t the face she fell in love with.

So she turns to Diamond, “Fine, but you ask the question, so make it count.”

This choice thus turned out to be her biggest regret of the night because on the rare occasion of the two sides working together Star gave him a firm nod to ask a question they’ve long wanted to. “Which one of us made Kaya?”

Connie’s eyes shoot open and her arms are thrown in the air with a squeaked “WHAT!?!”

Connie turns around from the couch flustered and ranting about how they were ALL her husband. She didn’t sleep with three different men so this shouldn’t even be a question. It would make no difference which all of them it was. Steven and all of them were her father. This question was ridiculous!

Star and Diamond waited until she was done ranting before Star slowly moved his mouth again, “Connie we were joking, we know were all her Dad nothing will change that. But, you actually know don’t you?”

Connie was still flustered beyond belief looking everywhere but her husbands. Her mouth moves before her words come out and she fidgets rather obviously before a final,  “...Yeah”

Diamond and Star look at each other, trying to keep their cool. “Do you want to tell us?”

She sighs, calming herself down and sits back between both of them, “Of course I do! I just don’t want to cause any fighting between you two. Especially after tonight.”

Each of them straightened a little taller knowing it was one of the other. “It’s okay Connie, you can tell us anything. We would never be upset with you. It’s completely up to you if you wanna say it.” Star hugs her gently and Diamond rests a warm hand on her leg to comfort her but there’s an edge to there words that betrays the promise they spoke.

Connie’s eyebrow raises and she lets out the most sarcastic ‘uh huh’ they’ve ever heard. So she leans back and says, “Then I guess I’ll keep it to myself since you're both okay with not knowing.”

Both men become ridged as rocks in a moment and Connie wiggles out of their grasp. “I knew this would happen and I didn’t even say it yet!”

“So you are gonna say it?” Star said hopefully.

“Star!” Connie said warningly.

“Oh c’mon we all know it’s me! I'm organic, human! He’s the gem! Your mom’s a doctor, you know how it works! I'm pretty sure he couldn’t even get you pregnant if he tried! Right, Connie?”

She looks away and finds her wine. “I need a drink.”

Connie blush started to pick up 10 fold as she feels eyes burn holes into her. Star looked at Connie downing her wine and Diamond whose eyes were wider than he’d ever seen. “Right!? Connie!?”

Diamond plopped back to the back of the couch with a large thud and awed look on his face. Both halves of Stevens finally looked at each other each end the couch one literally glowing in endearment and the other seething in disbelievement almost creating a perfect yin and yang of energy as a nervous Connie sunk further into the couch waiting for the for the spark that sets off the dynamite. 

Diamond looks to the scoreboard they had earlier that night, remembering the jealousy he felt but couldn’t express everytime Star gained another tally against him. When he looked back at Star he noticed he followed his eyes and Star’s expression said everything as if the words were written on his face. ‘Doesn’t count. DON’T. SAY IT.’

Star is right, it doesn't count. The birth or conception of their only beloved child isn’t a silly game. Though they had slightly made this a contest, by the time they fused back into Steven they’d see both sides of the story. Like Connie said they were all Steven. Star was no less a Dad to her than Steven or Diamond. They’d understand that in the end it really doesn’t matter that much who was the one to help conceive their child. The most logical thing is to let it go.

Star seems to calm down a hair, raising an eyebrow as he can see the gears in Diamonds head working. Diamonds eyes laser focus on Star and think of all the taunts and “burns” tonight. 

…

On the other hand he’ll never have an opportunity like this again. He makes a decision. He decides not to say a word about it.

Instead he places an arm around Connie and draws her close to him Star bristles like a porcupine ready to fight but what really does it is Diamond looks Star up and down before letting out the smallest unmistakable, “pfft.”

There is a thick silence for 5 seconds before the rest of the evening is filled with some sort of chaos.

“HOW D A R E YOU, YOU HOMEWRECKER!” Star explodes with the ferocity of a volcano and Connie’s face falls to her hands

[ainyan]

Fluff-uary #3: Mutual Pining

So, Lana says you’re locked in carbonite. They’re trying to get you out. I want to be there, but they’ve got me running around…

Grimacing, Theron hit the backspace, erasing that last line. That first line. The blank screen stared up at him, the blinking block of the cursor flashing at him reprovingly. Why was it so hard to write one damn letter? Just a little note, a reminder that even though he wasn’t in sight, he was still out there.

And why did it matter so much, anyway? It’s not like they’d been dating or anything. Hells, it was a stretch to call them friends. She was an Imp, and he was a Pub, and like oil and water or loth cats and kath hounds, they simply didn’t mix. It was breaking a hundred interstellar laws every time he so much as thought of her.

It was a shame he liked breaking the rules so often.

With a soft mutter, he swiped the screen off and rose, pacing restlessly around the small, cramped apartment. At least it wasn’t the rathole on Coruscant, this time - in fact, the Corellian flat was actually rather nice. The agent who owned it had gone missing early in the invasion and he’d moved to secure it before anyone else could. Now it served as a bolthole for himself or any of his trusted sources who needed a quick layover.

Not that he had many of those left.

Irritated by the turn of his thoughts, Theron reached inside his jacket, slipping his fingers into the secret pocket sewn inside the breast. He pulled out a holodisc and studied it, then thumbed it on and set it down upon the desk next to his terminal.

The figure writ in light was small and slim and serene, her gaze impassive as she stared straight forward. It was a mere holoprojection, an image formed of photons, lacking any of the vivacity that characterized her every waking moment. But his mind’s eye could paint the pale blue of her skin a rich sapphire, the washed-out pink of her eyes a lurid scarlet. His memory could bring to mind the scent of exotic flowers and icy breezes, the feel of silken skin beneath his hands, the tangle of midnight hair about his body.

Slumping down into the chair, he folded his arms on the desk and lay his head upon them, inhaling deeply. Who was he fooling? Not dating? Not friends? He could still taste her, he could still feel her, he could still smell her. She was inside him like no one had ever been, even now, five years after the fact. They hadn’t defined their relationship, but he’d be damned if there wasn’t something between them.

Lifting his head, he reached for the terminal keyboard. The screen sprang to life as his fingers touched the keys. He glanced once more at her holo, studying those sober, solemn features, then he began to type.

I’ve written this message twice now. Okay, more than twice. Kinda weird writing something that may never be read…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

… I might not be there - we’ve all got our parts to play - but I haven’t forgotten about you or our time together. I never will.

Damn the man. She balled her hands into fists to keep from thumping the datapad where it lay propped up on the table before her. How could he do this to her? She’d barely gotten her feet beneath her and her head wrapped around the fact that it had been five years, and he had to go and set her off-course again.

I care about you. A lot.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. There was no caring. There was only sex. Really, really great sex. Passionate sex. And laughter. Flirting. Touches. Kisses.

She exhaled, her breath shaky, and pressed her fingertips against her breastbone. The whole damn galaxy’s gone tits up, and there he was, making her feel things that she wasn’t supposed to feel. Maybe that was the point.

Scooping up the datapad, she deliberately thumbed it off, the last sentence of the letter winking out of sight, leaving behind only the faint, blurred reflection of her face.

She didn’t look five years older. She looked tired as hell; you could hide in the shadows under her eyes, and her cheeks were gaunt from anxiety and pain. But beneath the worry and the fear, she could still see herself as she was before this nightmare began. Imperfect though the carbonite process had been, it seems it had been enough to at least slow, if not completely halt, the aging process.

Perhaps that was why she was having such a hard time adapting. Why she was struggling so to acclimate to this new reality in which she’d found herself. Lana looked older, more refined. Less eyeliner, and hadn’t that been a bit of a shock? Still, perhaps it was hard to get face paints out here in the ass end of the galaxy…

Snarling at her rambling thoughts, she reined them back in, forcing her way past the exhaustion to bring them under some semblance of order. She didn’t give a damn about Lana’s makeup routines - or, right now, Lana herself, grateful though she was for the rescue.

Her mind swung right back around to Theron, and before she knew what she was doing, she’d thumbed on the datapad once more.

The whole galaxy’s lost its mind. The thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you’re out there…

“Oh hell,” she whispered through lips curved in a bittersweet smile as she ran her fingers across the datapad. “Same goes, Theron Shan. Same goes.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fluff-uary Prompts #3: Mutual Pining

OC: Kal'istae, Cipher Nine

NPC: Theron Shan

Locations: Corellia (Unmarked Apartment) / The Gravestone (Wild Space)

When: Knights of the Fallen Empire (between Chapters 5 and 6)

[the-widow-sisters]

I've been meaning to send one!

How about 'I've got a surprise for you' with Nakia & Kamala? 😁

A/N: Whoo!!! The first oneshot I've written with just the two of these characters in it 😂💞 Thank you so, so much for the request! This was a blast to write! 🥰

I hope all of y'all enjoy! I'm doing my best to catch up with requests! Btw, it'd be super cool if y'all might want to send in some more stuff for Monica and Carol or Carol and Maria from the list but no pressure 💞💞💞

Word Count: 1.3k+

   “Oh, boy,” Kamala muttered under her breath, nervousness buzzing within her as she gaped at the vehicle before her.

   “Yep,” Nakia nodded resolutely, looking over at her with a fond smile.

   Kamala let out a deep breath.

   Nakia had told her that she wanted her to come and do something with her, but she had not specified what precisely she had wanted Kamala for. Kamala had been completely up for anything with her best friend, of course, but now that she saw that it was to get in some driving practice with Nakia, she was definitely not ready.

   Fortunately, this was not the first time that Kamala had driven this car. After all, Kamran had let her drive it.

   However, now that Nakia had somehow laid claim to it, the stakes were higher. She did not want to disappoint Nakia, and plus, she had never driven with Nakia in the car, so it made it more nerve-wracking in some ways. She wanted to make Nakia proud.

   “You don’t seriously think I can drive this safely, do you? Because, I mean… In that case, my dude, do I have a surprise for you,” Kamala chuckled nervously, and Nakia shook her head, grinning as she tilted her head in the direction of the vehicle.

   “You’ve got this. Hop in,” Nakia told her, and Kamala hesitantly moved to open the door and get into the driver’s seat. Nakia headed over to the passenger seat, sitting down.

    As soon as they were both in, Kamala looked at her anxiously, wincing a little despite the fact that she had not even started driving yet.

   “You know that almost every time I’ve driven, I go in reverse first, right?” Kamala checked with her, and Nakia huffed.

   “Look, you’re fine, okay? Just let me help you. Crank her up,” Nakia directed, and Kamala started to buckle up, looking at Nakia curiously.

   “Her?” Kamala could not help but question, and Nakia shrugged.

   “Oh, yeah. Her name is Lola,” Nakia pointed out, nodding as she grinned from ear to ear. Kamala could not help a smile herself, enjoying the name that Nakia had come up with this time.

   “That’s lit,” Kamala replied, starting the vehicle as it rumbled to life. Nakia smiled at the sound of it.

   “Listen to her purr,” Nakia patted the dash, and Kamala allowed her smile to grow despite her trepidation, moving her head in agreeance as she somewhat overexaggerated the movement to try to get a laugh out of her best friend.

   “Oh, yeah,” Kamala trailed off, listening to the sound of the car. Nakia nodded resolutely.

   “Now put her in drive,” Nakia told her, and Kamala stopped just before putting her hand on the gear change.

   “Okay… Umm… This is the part where I usually go flying backwards into another car,” Kamala acknowledged, and Nakia just looked at her fondly, reaching out her hand to lay it over Kamala’s as she guided it down to the gear shifter.

   “We’ve got this. Just push your brake,” Nakia cued, and Kamala complied. However, her nervousness about messing up caused her to slam the gas while it was in park, the engine revving.

   Kamala let off of it quickly, casting Nakia an apologetic look as she gritted her teeth a little.

   “Sorry…”

   “No, don’t worry about it,” Nakia remained patient despite the fact that there was a slight hint of nervousness in her gaze as she glanced at the floorboard. Kamala moved her foot to the brake instead, and Nakia kept her hand on Kamala’s as she guided it.

   “Alright, now, push in the button and move the whole thing back while holding it down,” Nakia pushed the thing back with Kamala’s hand, and Kamala sucked in a breath, readying herself in case by some evil trick the car would still go in reverse despite her best efforts to the contrary.

   Nakia guided her into drive, and Kamala let out the breath that she had not realized she had been holding.

   “Now, just hit the gas carefully and go.”

   “Okay,” Kamala breathed, complying as she moved the car forward. She headed out as she drove down the road.

   They went along carefully for a little while, Kamala growing more comfortable as Nakia offered positive reassurances as they went. Kamala soon started to relax a little, and the driving was not so much of a stressful event anymore.

   “Y’know, I think you’re ready for some music,” Nakia told her, and Kamala gaped at her with wide eyes, glancing quickly between the road and Nakia as she was pulled out of her focus.

   “Wait, you think I’m ready for that?” Kamala almost squeaked and Nakia nodded.

   “Yeah!”

   “I don’t know… I’m not sure I should be listening to anything while driving. They say it makes you have a tendency to drive faster,” Kamala tried to reason despite the undeniable urge to take Nakia up on her offer.

   “Would Sia change your mind?” Nakia asked, waving her phone with the playlist pulled up on it.

   As soon as Nakia said that, all of Kamala’s reasoning was out the window.

   “Squishy… Why didn’t you lead with that?” Kamala asked, and Nakia playfully narrowed her eyes as she tapped a few buttons on her phone, connecting her playlist with the car as it synced up.

   Sia’s “Unstoppable” came on, and they were cruising along, listening to it as they sang along.

   However, Kamala did soon find herself driving a little faster than she should. And as they sang and enjoyed the music and the drive, she quickly realized that the music was perhaps not the best idea.

   As she made a turn around a curve, she suddenly realized that there was someone jaywalking out in the road. Kamala audibly gasped, and Nakia’s eyes went wide as Kamala slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to an abrupt stop.

   The person gaped at them in shock as he hurried across the road, shooting them a rather crude hand signal.

   Instantly, Nakia’s eyes narrowed, and Kamala looked at her apologetically.

   “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to do that. He was just there, and…”

   Kamala trailed off as she realized that Nakia had stopped the music and was rolling down her window. As soon as it was down, Nakia leaned out of it, pointing at him.

   “Get out of the road! What is wrong with you?!!! You have the audacity to flip us off when you were the one that was jaywalking!!!” Nakia yelled. The man tried to yell something back at her from where he was standing on the sidewalk.

   Kamala had started slowly moving the car forward to leave, hoping that Nakia’s anger would quell a little as they put some distance between them and the guy.

   “No, no, you have some kind of a death wish or something?! Jumping out into the middle of the road is asking for it when you’ve got a crazyperson behind the wheel!!!” Nakia cried, yelling as she moved her hand animatedly out the window to go with her screeching.

   Kamala quickly turned her head to look at her.

   “Did you just call me a crazyperson?!” Kamala almost squeaked, shock filling her, and Nakia shook her head.

   “Look, it’s not a bad thing. When people learn your car in the city and start knowing it as the nutjob’s car, it teaches them to steer clear like they should anyway,” Nakia assured her, moving her hand dismissively as she reassured her.

   Kamala raised her eyebrows, honestly shocked at the fact that Nakia had such road rage. However, it was not entirely surprising if she thought it through because Nakia could be a little fiery at times.

   Kamala drove off carefully, leaving the man behind them, and Nakia rolled up the window, seeming more at peace at that point.

   There was dead silence for a little while.

   Finally, Kamala looked over at Nakia carefully once more. Nakia looked back at her, realizing she was watching her.

   “What?” Nakia questioned.

   “I think I should start calling you spiky,” Kamala mumbled, staring straight ahead at the road as she made her comment about changing Nakia’s nickname.

   There were a few beats of quiet before Nakia groaned heavily. Kamala instantly huffed, a grin coming onto her face.

   “Ugh…”

[impablohurtado]

Grief after three years.

It is hard to believe that it has been three years now. Three years since my mother passed away and left the world behind. I’m not certain she ever felt at home in this world after she lost her own parents when I was still a baby. It’s something that I think about often now that she is no longer here.

As I sit writing this, I can’t help but feel uncertain about sharing another anniversary post. A different part of me would like to make it a tradition to share a story about her once a year with those who would care to read it.

Grief fills so much of my creative output since she passed that I often think I won’t be able to shake it. Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to speak to sisters who’ve lost brothers, mothers and fathers who’ve lost children, those who’ve lost spouses, and children who have lost parents. Even the loss of a pet, trivial as it may seem in comparison, can linger. I still miss my own dog who was with me for nearly 14 years until last February. 

Now as time passes and I’ve connected with these people, I see them reliving their own grief through their sharing of posts for those who have passed. Remembrance photos, long written blogs, sometimes just a single photo with a quote about grief, words they try to live by.

We all remember in our own ways. Others instead choose to say nothing. Sometimes it’s easier to say nothing than to open up a window into such a vulnerable part of yourself for others to see.

It is difficult not to make martyrs of those we’ve lost, particularly our mothers. The thought of speaking ill of the dead, especially those close to you, it feels wrong. Still, I think it’s important to be honest with ourselves and with others that death that grief cannot erase the shortcomings of those who are no longer here. It is necessary for me to be transparent about this in hopes that others who experience grief can feel less alone. For times when they are conflicted with the feelings that aren’t that of love even after several years have gone by.

For my siblings and I grief was with us long before our mother passed. Grief came and went every time doctors told us we did not have much time left. We’d prepare, discuss options… find better treatment maybe, try to explore a second opinion, nothing we could realistically do in our position. The first time I remember being told we didn’t have long left was 8 years ago. Five more years would pass with her in our lives. Having time to prepare again and again didn’t make it any easier when there wasn’t any time left to be had. I think it made it harder. It gave false hope where there was none.

I sometimes wonder how my dad feels about the stories I write for her. The number of poems and stories I’ve written about my mother, rather than my father, is incomparable. My first poetry reading and the eventual short collection of poems I would publish was filled with dozens about her and only two for my father. A part of me feels it is unfair to him, how even after their separation we clung so strongly to the hope for her, though the other part of me knows, that he knows how much it meant to us he was still in our lives.

He’s always been there. Even through our disagreements, of which there have been more than I can count over the years. I knew he was just a drive away, always at arm’s reach, and for that reason I never felt like I lost him. Unlike my mother who my siblings and I had to learn from many times over the years, that loss can be perpetual, a recurring theme in life. Loss can happen over and over again, in the worst ways in it can endure, until finally it becomes all too permanent.

It is a different type of love that I have for my mother, no stronger than that which I have for my father, no it’s a love that has to be combined with forgiveness, irreconcilably tied to the way our lives went when she left. I have to balance that with the knowledge that I wasn't the best son, nor the closest compared to my siblings, but often times I feel I was the most similar to her.

Nobody is infallible, but as children our parents are often the closest we’d like to imagine a person could come to it. It’s when their flaws draw to the surface that our world view starts to change. At that age the world is only as big as the walls and roofs that our parents allow us to sit within. It only makes sense that those walls can crumble, because those walls are only as sturdy as the foundation they were built upon and the hands that put them up.

I spend so much time telling others how great my mother was because it’s true. That is a testament to the complexity of human beings. That someone could love her children so much, dedicate her life to social work and helping others, and still lose a fight that she never seemed to have entered into willingly. To get lost at the end of the bottle over the years until finally the short departures from family weren’t enough. When that final door that closed never swung back open for another return.

It doesn’t take away from the lives she helped; be it women experiencing domestic violence, those working to attain citizenship, those who needed interpreters who had no one else to help them in their biggest time of need, and even her own children. She gave her all, when she had her all to give. 

What makes it hard is that I know that with everything she had, she loved her children more than anything else. It’s just that the other part of her was too much to overcome. Childhood trauma is unshakable and can destroy even the toughest of people. My mom was one of them. She was one of the toughest women I ever knew, and it was scary at times how strong-willed and steadfast she was in what she said. Even strong people can break though.

I wish it was easier to tell people why we are the way we are. Why at 30, I haven’t fully figured life out. To say how I’ve always been so much like my mother and that fact scares me. The depression she struggled with transitioned seamlessly from her to me when I was born. How the uncertainty she felt about the future plagues me sometimes. I’m lucky in that I’ve found a way to live, worked through issues in a way she wasn’t able to.

Still, my childhood was incomparable to what she experienced herself. I've written in the past of what she endured as a child at times sleeping in parks and all the stories she shared with us. Through it all she nearly made it, in many ways she did, but in the most important way she could not. Everything is relative when it comes to generational pain. It’s a cycle that's difficult to shake.

I wish it was easier for me to say… we often had to drive many hours to see my mother and though it was tough at the time, I would give the world to be able to do it again. It doesn’t matter about the rules set before us. The waiting or the short window of time given, it would all be worth it to sit with her again for even just a moment. When someone you love is trapped behind walls you can’t tear down, even those walls start to feel like home because the person you love is waiting inside. You start to know those who keep the doors locked, and after many years, the sense of familiarity is unshakable. It’s a familiarity no one should ever have to know.

Then there is the remembering. Life is unfair in many ways, one of which is the way childhood memories fade. The images of our parents as heroes are harder to remember than the people we slowly learned to understand as we became adults. So often the image that comes to mind is that of my mother slowly fading over the years instead of the mom who would wrap her arms around me and do the signs of the cross before I went to bed. I can’t shake the image of her getting smaller and smaller through the years until she succumbed to the sickness that claimed her life.

Grief is a never-ending set of revolving set of doors that doesn’t stop spinning once it starts. Each filled with a different emotion which you step through, often without any choice of your own. For us, we lived with it through the years. Every time doctors told us the end was near, only to be granted more time. Until finally there was no more time to be given.  

I am often angry that my mother gave us no other choice than to see her behind walls she couldn’t step out from. I am angry that I only had the opportunity to show her to one partner, and how she’ll never know the person I someday meet and settle down with. I’m angry she isn’t here to see her children and grandchildren grow.

Time tells me I should let the anger go, but it’s hard to let go of something that changed the entire course of your life and those you love.  

Nothing compares to that loss. You only get one mom in life. Three years ago, I lost mine. 

It’s not easy, I miss her and think of her often. 

I am still working through the pain of not having her here. 

We all are. 

[ultraericthered]

Anime Update V2 55

Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 - Goddammit, this show once again reached a point where it was daring me “Drop me, man! Drop me!” only to pull me back from doing so with what it did next. The drawn out hospital sequence leading to Yuki’s offscreen death was painful and also sort of irritating to me with how it kept jerking me back and forth with what was real and what was a dream, on if Yuki was at risk of dying or not. But once the doctor gives the bad news (which is made inaudible in the moment), we’ve officially lost Yuki...only to then be re-introduced to Yuki. Mirai wakes up, Yuki is alive and just fine, Mirai acts like his death was all a horrible dream and is ready move on with a better, more talkative and openly loving relationship with him now... except the show keeps flashing us signs that something’s off. The fact that Mari never addresses Yuki and Yuki never says anything to Mari directly, the background noise that gets louder whenever Mirai starts talking about Yuki to Mari, Mari sobbing on the bridge, Yuki just up and vanishing at points and only ever reappearing close to Mirai, his happy compliance with his sister’s every word. This is not the Yuki from the last 8 episodes; this is Mirai conjuring up her dead little brother’s spirit as a coping mechanism. Knowing this cruel twist in advance makes every second Yuki is on-screen now very intriguing to watch. That’s not even getting into all the drama with Mari’s mother and daughter, who thankfully turn up alive after a nasty fake-out (and my one major criticism here is that Mari’s reaction to seeing her daughter alive needed to be much bigger). Now Mirai is homeward bound on her own, with “Yuki” struggling with how to let out the truth.

Hunter x Hunter - I cannot believe that half the episode was spent on the backstory of a character we never got to even see before he supposedly got killed and eaten by the Chimera Ants! It was more detailed, more interesting, and darker than most of what we get from any character in this series, so I call shennanigans on Gyro being dead for good! Was not pleased to see Ponzu and those Hunters she was fighting with killed by the Chimera Ant forces, but at least Ponzu got to make the most of her last minutes by sending out a warning message for the entire Hunter Association. Kite got that message and has decided to further assess the situation, and Gon and Killua are coming along with him for it whether he wants them or not.

Fruits Basket - Saw the end of Season 2 and the start of Season 3 back to back since both episodes are part of the same story point. Kureno’s a character I’m not the biggest fan of, but his whole deal with Akito is super interesting and gives me a deeper appreciation for how kind a soul he is, almost to a fault. It’s through him that we learn the truth about Akito’s gender, while also getting to meet her deranged but bold and insightful mother, Ren, who seems to have some nefarious schemes of her own, and I want Tohru and Rin to be vigilant against her and Akito’s respective machinations. The only real problem I had here was knowing that this was not the last we’d hear of the Kureno-Arisa relationship when it absolutely should have been. It was never a believable or well written side romance, but I’d be more accepting of it had it definitively ended here with Kureno making his choice and Arisa having maturely come to terms with that.

Re:ZERO - I’ve many thoughts yet very few words for the end of this anime’s initial season. It concluded pretty much perfectly. I loved the way Subaru handled things with Emilia, I loved seeing past mistakes learned from and avoided in this loop, I loved Otto coming back and really starting the friendship he and Subaru will be having going forward, I loved the final showdown with Betelgeuse, his demented entitlement to Satella’s love being a perfect mirror for Subaru’s earlier behavior, and his Bill Cipher style death, and I especially loved that final scene with Subaru and Emilia. It was beautiful. It was so good.

I guess the one thing that bothered me was that there was no Rem. Like, at all. It’ll get explained when the next arc starts at the start of Season 2, I know, but it feels beyond awkward after the writing had Rem run rampant as a major character for two thirds of this arc. This reinforces why I think Rem deserved better handling than she got.

Fate/Stay Night Unlimited Blade Works - The one where Archer and Shirou team up against Caster while Saber is fighting Assassin.

Symphogear GX - Woah. There was a lot of intense action this time around, along with new details regarding Tsubasa’s father, a glimpse at the past of Carol and her father, Kirika and Shirabe continuing to be The Absolute Best, Tsubasa, Chris, and Hibiki enduring physical and psychological torture in order to master their new Ignite Mode power-up, more Alca-Noise, more mass destruction, Carol showing her true self and fighting the Symphogears with the power of her own relic, and most surprising of all, the defeat and seeming demise of Carol? It’s halfway into the season, we can’t lose our Big Bad here!

Eureka Seven - Mostly a pretty silly episode about Renton and his struggling relationship with Eureka’s three kids, which actually got pretty sweet and wholesome towards the end as Renton, Eureka, and the kids work together to fix the mess they inadvertedly started, using their respective skills to get one over on this military leader who snarls and shouts all of his dialogue. An interesting side development occurred with Holland, who reacted badly to seeing his brother free from prison on TV and by the end of the episode suggests he’s heading into a darker mental space, punishing Renton’s screw-up by putting the kid in a cold solitary confinement. Goodbye moody and rougish manchild Holland, hello abusive jackass Holland! Fuck me.

Gintama - Was not surprised the dramatic events that Hijikata and Okita got themselves involved in last time had some immediate consequences for the Shinsengumi, but was unprepared for the hard left turn back into total wackiness we got here. Finally met the Shinsengumi’s Comissioner, a crazy old man who’s always carrying his gun and sees assassins everywhere and in everyone. He, Kondo, and Sacchan of all people go on a crazy road trip to reach the Tendoshu’s flying castle and answer to them for what happened at the arena, with all kinds of madcap shennanigans, character appearances, and even a totally random Dorombo Gang cameo. And there was a running plot threat of Kondo believing he was soon to face certain death due to the day’s horoscope for him, which pays off when Otae brutally kills him at the end! But I’m sure he’ll get better!

[folerdetdufoler]

Oh, the balloon squad suggestion anon (me) wasn’t the journalism anon. Idk it was just a desire on my part, And I probably overstepped. I like how you write a lot and I just had the idea... I think I though about that because your evens, they tend to be rather sociable (not always though), but somewhat distant of the people they hang around with, minus Isak. I’ve always thought of even, because of the balloon boys presence and their interactions in the video and on SM and so on, as someone who..

Is not sociable and friendly but distant, but more involved in his fiends life’s. But then again, I’m overstepping because everyone interprets the characters they use and recreate differently and every representation is valid. As to writing Muslim characters... why shouldn’t you? You don’t have to be a member of the community to write them as characters. You’re not a Norwegian gay man. As long as you’re respectful and willing to learn and take feedback into account...

you didn’t overstep, and i appreciate your interest. and i did ask for guidance; i just want to make sure i know who i’m talking to in case i get conflicting suggestions for the same story.

and that’s correct, my evens are polite and charismatic but they have kept people at a distance, whether it’s because of something that’s happened in the past or because he is trying to protect them/himself from pain he might inadvertently cause. because we saw it in canon and because i identify with it so completely, it’s a challenge for me to write him otherwise.

but that’s the point of my writing i suppose, to challenge myself and improve on it, in order to graduate to my own characters and worlds. and it just so happens that this challenge, adding more prominent friendships for even, fits the very vague plot for magic eight ball. i need to be able to show even outside of their work environment, show how he interacts with people who are not isak nor isak’s friends, who might influence even’s behavior and isak’s interpretation of it. at some point isak needs to be able to see even as an independent human being, even in his own environment, so isak can see how he can be part of that too (the whole “friends” part of enemies-to-friends-to-lovers).

so, like, there is room for your suggestion here. and there’s always room to expand on what canon seemed to gloss over or sideline. not that the fallout and development of even’s friendships was reduced, since it made sense to me, but with the AU i can figure out how i might want to expand on that evolution or ignore it completely and put a more steady relationship in its place.

as for understanding, interpreting, and writing muslim characters, i don’t think i’m in a place where i can do that respectfully and in-depth. in this case, since it was a requested character inclusion, i knew the expectations for the character were higher than usual, which is why i was asking for more details. it’s certainly easy enough to keep a character vague, relying on a common understanding, to avoid misrepresenting them, but i couldn’t do that with the balloon squad because so little of that was done in the first place. i’m more comfortable writing sana because the work was already done to define her relationship with her culture, religion, and norwegian society. i know less about the balloon squad and would have to build that with very little knowledge (and thus much more...room...to fuck it up).

i’ve also noticed that even though i constantly ask for feedback, i rarely make changes based on it unless they are pointing out factual/grammatical errors. i ask for feedback and then don’t respect it. i am very worried that i would write something offensive and be called out for it, but because i’m so defensive about my own work, so insecure with my worldview, i would then reduce someone’s criticism to merely a personal preference and ignore it.

i mean, i’ll certainly try to write them. it’s important representation and an interesting dynamic. but, my own insecurities aside, i’ve also been paying attention to the #ownvoices movement, an attempt to have marginalized characters written by people who have experienced that marginalization in a quest for accurate representation and authenticity. it’s a slightly flawed movement, with rules that end up policing the very voices they intended to empower, and a publishing industry that is painfully white, but that, combined with the skam remakes fandom’s pursuit of realism in their story retellings, makes me feel like i should not risk telling someone else’s story if i am likely to do it incorrectly. i do not want to make the muslim representation that skam established even worse. this has obviously already happened and people are very vocal about these issues, so i am afraid of making the same mistake that i’ve already made in that arena.

so to sum up this long-ass disclaimer: thank you for your suggestion. i will attempt to include some of those characters as friends of even. i consider it a great responsibility, so clearly fear is my number one motivation at this point. but i’ll try.

and as a sidenote: everyone can tell a white man’s story because their story is the one we have all experienced for most of...history. a white man’s perspective is the default so you are born qualified to tell it, until further notice.

[stylesluxx]

eight years (II) – bts

[warnings: some angst, feelings of anxiety, mentions of infidelity, let me know if I missed anything else]

summary: in which y/n moves on | ceo!bts | part one | part two and a half

word count: 4,640

main masterlist | bts reactions masterlist

[AN: i usually save my author’s note for the end but i really just wanted everyone to see this! i love and appreciate all of you from the bottom of my heart. i’ve said this before, but part twos to fics i’ve written always make me anxious and i was very on the fence about writing this but all the love and support i received on part one blew me away and i felt as though i’d be disappointing you all more if i didn’t write it versus if the part two sucked. so whether or not you guys like part two or not, i want to thank you all for your kind words and energy, i felt every bit of it!]

"So what do you say, Y/N? Will you marry us?"

"Yes! Yes, of course!" You nodded and bounced up and down on your toes.

Namjoon slipped the ring onto your finger and you gasped at how heavy it felt. The diamond was in the shape of a raindrop and was placed on top of a white gold band, smaller diamonds surrounding it. And engraved on the inside of the band was "Bangtan" and to the right of it was your anniversary.

"This ring is huge and it's personalized!" You spoke wide-eyed as you wiggled your fingers. "How-"

"Uh uh, you don't need to know the price of your ring," Jin cut you off and shook his head.

You sighed and nodded. "I know but you guys-"

"Yes, we know. You don't like us spending money on you. But we like it and you deserve it. You're our fiancée, the best person we've ever known," Hoseok smiled and pulled you into his arms. You smiled against his chest and wrapped your arms around his slim waist.

"I love you guys so much. Can't believe you wanna marry me."

Jimin came over to you and Hoseok, rubbing your back gently. "Of course, we want to marry you. Why wouldn't we?"

"You're perfect. So patient and kind and giving," Yoongi added on.

You felt your cheeks heat up and you held onto Hoseok even tighter. "Stop, you guys are making me blush."

"It's true," Taehyung affirmed. "We couldn't have asked for a better partner."

You jumped in Hoseok's arms as you heard a loud boom, but you looked up and only saw sparks of color. Fireworks. Pink, red, and purple hearts appear in the air, making you gasp in awe.

The view from the top of the Eiffel tower was already perfect and the fact that they rented out the whole dining area for the night made it all the better. You had always wanted a private proposal; no one to interfere and take the moment from you and your lovers. The night was a dream come true but the fireworks put it over the edge.

"You guys did that?" You asked as you walked over to the window to get a better view.

"No, we just got lucky," Jungkook said as we walked up behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist.

You leaned into him and nodded. "Wow, you got real lucky."

"He's just kidding," Namjoon chuckled. "Everything is intentional, especially if it's for you, Y/N."

As you cascaded down the steps, Kyong's hand in yours, you couldn't help but shake, the anxiety wrecking your body.

The nude-colored, draped leather gown fit tightly on your figure, seeing as it was custom made for you, but it still couldn't keep your nerves intact. And everyone's eyes being on you didn't help; it only made you want to run and hide far from here.

It was your first gala in eight years without the seven men you had been in love with and you had been preparing for the awkwardness of it all for months now. You knew you'd be sat together as you had been for eight years but now everything was different. Now you were strangers.

Once you reached the bottom of the steps, you looked toward the front of the room by the stage where you figured you'd be sitting.

And there they were dressed in undoubtedly expensive suits, sipping on champagne. They turned away from the stairs, letting you know they had seen you arrive and your heart dropped to your stomach. Seven out of eight seats were full and you knew they were waiting on you to sit.

"Hey, look at me," Kyong spoke quietly but strongly and placed a finger below your chin. You let your top lip fall from between your teeth and turned to face your boyfriend. "It's been a year since you've seen them-”

"A little less than a year."

"Okay," He chuckled and nodded his head. "I know you've been anxious about this night for weeks now. so I've tried to arrange everything so you're as comfortable as possible. You move, I move. You never have to be alone. Okay?"

Your lip fell into a pout and you gave him doe-like eyes, completely melting at his words of reassurance. "Okay," You nodded. "Thank you, Kyong."

You pulled him into a hug, tucking your head under his chin. He kissed the top of your head before he pulled away to look at you, keeping you at arm's length.

"I know I've told you this a million times tonight, but you look beautiful."

"Thank you."

Kyong didn't lie when he said you'd never have to be alone; it was like you were tucked in his back pocket all evening and you didn't mind.

Your table was to the right of Bangtan's and to the left of Kyong's old table. You felt eyes on you all night, people wondering why and/or how you and your boyfriend managed to get a table to yourselves. You could also feel seven pairs of eyes on you but you couldn't muster the courage to turn and look at the onlookers. You weren't ready to face them just yet.

Kyong did a good job distracting you though, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, rubbing your thigh gently when he saw your anxiety-induced tapping, kissing the top of your head every so often. He was a good distraction, he knew how to keep proper care of you and you were grateful.

Though Kyong was seemingly the perfect man, like every other romantic interest that entered your life, the façade slowly fell away.

He was in the same boat as you, heirs to your parents' companies, so you understood the immense pressure and long hours in the office, sometimes even working from home.

But Kyong had quickly developed the habit of going in to work early but then leaving late at night, missing the dates you had planned, 98% of the time. You couldn't even bring it up and confront him about it because the couple of times you did, he had an alibi. So, you had given up on checking his behavior despite your constant suspicion.

For months this went on, and months quickly turned into a year, and when you felt your relationship was on its last leg, he proposed.

Everything in you wanted to decline and end the relationship right there, but your crippling fear of being alone again overpowered any logic you had left and you accepted.

Your second ring wasn't as pretty as the first and the proposal didn't cause any butterflies to appear in your stomach.

It wasn't private, it was in the middle of a restaurant, and you could see paparazzi taking pictures from outside, the flash of their cameras blinding you. People from surrounding tables crowded you, recording their whole thing and taking pictures to post online.

It wasn't a special moment, something only between you and the person you loved. It was out in the world and people were free to give their opinions on everything; how you looked, the ring, your reaction. You weren't used to this type of scrutiny especially when it came to your relationships.

Though people knew you were together, your relationship with Bangtan was very private. You weren't real celebrities so paparazzi wouldn't follow you all over the place; you could go out whenever you wanted and do whatever you wanted, and no one knew your business.

But it seemed the second you started your relationship with Kyong, everyone knew everything about your life; your favorite grocery store to go to, what days you were off, and when you went to the gym. There was no privacy at all and when you brought this to Kyong's attention the only response you got was, "any publicity was good publicity."

Oddly enough it only reminded you of the time Jin threatened to sue the paparazzi if they kept following you around and as a result, you never saw them again.

The day after your proposal, you found yourself having a meeting with your former lovers. Though the eight of you were good at keeping it professional, and sometimes even friendly, you knew they would've heard the news about your engagement. They were never big fans of Kyong's which was brought before and after you had broken up.

You could see the glares they'd give Kyong whenever he was to bring you lunch in the middle of a meeting or when he would pick you up after a meeting.

"Why do you guys look at him like that?" You laughed once Kyong walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

"You already know he's not our cup of tea," Hoseok mumbled, making you give him a look.

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

You're talking to your assistant and best friend, Ha-joon, in the meeting room while waiting for the men of Bangtan to show up. You're sitting at the head of the table and she's to your left.

"He knows you don't like public things right?" She asked, your hand in hers as she inspects the ring.

"Clearly not," You grumbled and set up your notes for the day on a pad of paper.

"I don't know if you've seen the videos-"

"I haven't."

"But you don't look all that happy in them."

"Well, would you be happy if you had strangers in your face, recording and taking pictures and then the paparazzi stalking you as well? I was miserable."

She sighed and set your hand down before looking up at you.

"So then why didn't you just decline?"

You looked over at her as if she were crazy. "Do you know what the blogs would say? They'd tear me to shreds and call me ungrateful. 'The same woman seven men didn't want, declining someone that actually wants her!' Are you kidding?"

You looked toward the door as you heard someone clear their throat and your eyes went wide at the sight of Park Jimin.

You and Ha-joon quickly stood up and gave tight-lipped smiles. She'd usually stay and help you take notes if you were meeting with anyone other than the boys. But because your meetings with them were so laid back, you always let her take a break until you were done.

"It's not that I don't want to marry him, it's just... once he dropped me back off to my apartment he claimed he was going to the office to work on some stuff. At 8:30 PM? It's just a bit ridiculous. And everyone knows I love my privacy. It was so bad and I was so embarrassed," You rambled quietly as you walked her to the door. "It's like he doesn't even know me."

"Yeah, definitely not the best proposal you've gotten," She scoffed but a little too loudly; loud enough for your guests to hear.

"Okay, goodbye," You shut her down and lightly pushed her out the door.

The first one in the room is Jimin and out of habit he reaches over to shake your hand, but for some reason, it catches you off guard and causes you to flinch.

The man in front of you raises an eyebrow and you let out a nervous chuckle before shaking his hand.

"Sorry, I don't know if you can tell but I'm a little on edge today," You apologized and let them all in one handshake at a time.

"Yeah... we can tell," Yoongi teased, making your roll your eyes playfully.

You made your way to your seat and let out a sigh, running your left hand over your face.

"Congratulations, by the way," Taehyung spoke up and followed your lead by sitting down.

"On what?"

He chuckled nervously and looked around at his peers before back at you. "On your engagement?"

"Right! Thank you. You probably saw it all over... the news," You sighed again, annoyed by the fact that everyone knew. You covered your face with your hands, trying not to let the whole situation get to you. "I'm sure all of Korea knows. Didn't even get a chance to let Mom and Dad know..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was a touchy subject," Taehyung spoke again, voice filled with remorse.

"No, it's not your fault. I should be happy. And I am. But you guys know, my privacy-"

"Isn't negotiable. We know," Namjoon finished. Of course he'd know what you were going to say, you used to say it all the time.

You nodded and set your hands down flat on the table. You pushed a smile on your face, "okay, no more engagement, blogs, or Kyong talk. Let's talk business."

As the meeting goes on, you find yourself zoning out, glancing at the seven men in front of you. Slowly realizing you were falling victim to another loveless relationship.

Somehow Kyong's work got more attention than you, the same way the men of Bangtan used the excuse of work to stay away from you. And you believed it and you stupidly believed they still loved you when clearly they no longer did.

You stupidly believed Kyong still genuinely wanted to be with you, but clearly, he didn't if, on the night of your engagement, he found himself back at his office.

But your desire to be loved and prove to the world that you can be loved and that your failed relationship with Bangtan was just a fluke, outweighed any ounce of sense you had left in your body.

It was pathetic and you knew that, but you couldn't stand to be alone any longer. Even just a fraction of love was enough to keep you around and you hated that about yourself. Hated how you no longer had a backbone and didn't know when to say enough was enough-

"Y/N!"

"Hm?" You hummed, snapping out of your trance and looking over at Jin who had called you.

"We asked you your opinion on our collaboration," Hoseok filled you in.

"Oh, sorry I wasn't paying attention... clearly," You muttered the last part to yourself, embarrassed as you felt your cheeks heat up. "Well, I record all the meetings, so do you mind if I just email you all by the end of the day?"

"Yeah, that's fine. No worries, Y/N," Jimin nodded and they all started to pack up their things.

"Sorry, yet again. Not myself today." While the apology was short, you did mean it. You were always on top of your game and it was so embarrassing to zone out in the middle of an important meeting, no matter what you had going on.

"We understand, don't worry about it," Yoongi assured you with a small, toothless smile. "Just, uh, don't forget your ring."

Your face scrunched up in confusion causing Yoongi to point to the engagement ring that sat to the left of your hand, no longer resting on your ring finger.

"Oh, thanks," You mumbled and slipped it back in your finger slowly.

"You fidget when you're anxious, but you've never actually pulled a ring off your finger before."

"Yeah, weird."

Before anyone else could respond, there was a quick knock on the door before it opened revealing Kyong.

"Hey, Princess, ready for lunch?"

"What?" You asked, dumbfounded by the new nickname. Your eyes flickered over to Taehyung, the first person to ever call you 'princess.' But he was already glaring at your fiancé.

"I asked if you were ready for lunch?" He repeated.

You nodded and collected your things quickly, chills crawling up your spine as the tension between the eight men grew and at the fact Kyong has just called you "Princess." You were quick to stand at his side but flinched slightly as he put a hand on your hip.

"I'll email you all tonight," You assured the boys and gave them a small smile. "You guys know your way out, or would you like me to have Ha-joon come walk you out?"

"We're all set, thank you, Y/N," Namjoon tells you as he finally stops glaring at the man beside you to give you a polite smile.

"Alright, see you next time."

"Oh, wait!" Kyong says and your eyes go toward him, full of confusion. "We should invite them to the wedding. I'm sure they've heard about our engagement and you guys are still friends, it's only right."

Your eyes widened at his words and your head dropped in embarrassment. You clenched your eyes closed tightly and shook your head.

"Think about it," He told them.

With that, you were ushered out of the room, dripping in embarrassment and anger.

"Where should we eat?" You were asked once you had entered the elevator.

Luckily it was only the two of you in there, allowing you a bit of freedom.

You shoved Kyong's hand off of your waist before taking a deep breath, in an attempt to calm your nerves. "Don't ever call me 'Princess' ever again."

"I know you're upset with me right now, but I'm just doing what needs to be done and you just have to trust me on that," He sighed and took his phone out, responding to a message he had just received.

"Inviting my exes to our wedding wasn't a necessity. We haven't even talked about the wedding and the first people you invite are my exes? Are you kidding?"

"I'm doing it for us. Trust me Y/N," He tries to assure you but it only makes you more frustrated. "Look, I've gotta go. An important client is waiting for me at my office. You understand."

"No, I don't. You just came and ushered me away from important collaborators just to ditch me?"

"It's business and it's urgent."

"I'm your fiancée, Kyong."

"Just trust me."

Once you got to the garage level, he pecked your forehead and walked out, leaving you in the elevator by yourself.

As you pressed the button to go back to the top floor, where your office was, Ha-joon rushed into the elevator, holding a bag of food in her hand.

"Was that Kyong?"

"Yep."

"Why-"

"He was supposed to take me to lunch but of course work was more important."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, the elevator finally moving, but she noticed the tension remaining in your body. "What else?"

"He invited them to the wedding."

—

There's a knock on the door, causing you to quickly put your robe on to cover up your lingerie. Once you're fully covered, your makeup artist, Selena, continues doing your makeup and Ha-joon goes to answer the door.

You look in the mirror and see the boys enter, not surprised at all since Kyong forced you to send them a formal invitation.

"Hey, how'd you guys even know where I was?" You asked, a small smile on your face.

"Your mom," Jin smiled and you watched as they filled up your dressing room which was just the guest room at Kyong's family's vacation home on Jeju Island.

"We just wanted to check up on you. It's your big day," Hoseok explained, making you take a deep breath at his words.

"Ha-joon, why don't you and Selena take a moment to yourselves. We have a couple of minutes to spare before the ceremony," You suggested and smiled at the two women.

"Okay, Boss. We'll be back in five. Yell if you need anything," Ha-joon obeyed and kissed your cheek before walking out, Selena close behind.

"Thanks for coming," You turned in your chair and gave them a shy smile. "I know it's a little weird but I do appreciate you coming. Kyong invited a lot of his friends that ya know... write blogs and will share the news with everyone. Some of my family came but, yours and my parents are the only faces I'd recognize. So, thanks."

"No need to thank us, I'm sure we'll enjoy ourselves regardless," Jimin nodded. "Everything is really beautiful. Did... did you pick it out?"

You chuckled and shook your head. "No, my dream wedding looks nothing like this. This is similar to a traditional American wedding, which is beautiful, don't get me wrong but... this isn't at all what I wanted. I guess the fiancé's wedding planner knows what's in right now and knows what the media is gonna love," You frowned and looked at your lap, fiddling with your fingers.

"I'm really nervous," You continued. "You know how I get. Never know if I'm making the right decision or not– well that's not what I meant. Well, it is but I didn't mean to say it."

"It's normal to be nervous," Yoongi tried to assure you but you just shook your head.

"No, I've been nervous the entire engagement. I wasn't like this when–" You quickly stopped, not wanting to embarrass yourself by bringing up the relationship the men in front of you had ended. You turned back to face the vanity, your back to the men dressed in elegant all-black suits. "It's okay. I'm a big girl. This is my life, my mess."

"Y/N, you can't marry someone you're having second thoughts about," Jungkook frowned, Jimin nodding his head in agreement.

"Yeah? Well, at least he wants to marry me. I didn't have to wait two years before realizing there would never be a wedding," You grumbled, finally letting it out.

Part of the reason you were going along with this wedding was because it felt good to finally have someone want you after years of feeling unwanted and unloved. And while it felt good to get those words out, the frustration and anger you had wasn't toward the seven men behind you, but instead yourself for allowing yourself to be so desperate.

The silence in the room was deafening and the tension was thick. You only felt worse than before and even more ashamed that you were being mean to the people who came to check up on you despite how awkward the situation was.

"I'm sorry," You spoke up and looked back into the mirror and watched them, their faces went from kind and gentle to distraught and guilty. "I've never blamed you for falling out of love with me. So, please don't blame me for wanting to hold on to someone that wants me. I just want someone to want me, to love me. It's been a long time since I've gotten that."

"Y/N-"

But you were tired of this conversation. You didn't imagine you'd feel so drained and empty on the day of your wedding. What's supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, had been full of nothing but anxiety and fret.

"I think you guys should go find your seats," You cut Taehyung off and gave him a small, toothless, smile that didn't reach your eyes.

"We just want the best for you, Y/N. And if you think that that's Kyong, we support you. But when you come to realize that it's not, we'll still be here to support you. We'll always be here for you," Namjoon promised.

"I've heard that before, so I won't hold my breath this time."

He nodded and they slowly left the room. You watched them from the mirror and your eyes started to well once Jin gave you one last smile before shutting the door behind him.

The tears quickly fell down your cheeks and as much as you wanted to be alone, when you heard the door open and close again, you didn't have the strength to kick whoever was there out.

"Y/N... are you alright?" You heard Ha-joon directly behind you, her hand hovering over your shoulder hesitantly. You shook your head as your cries grew louder, sure to alarm any passersby. "What do you need? What do you want?"

"I just... just hug me please, Ha-joon."

She nodded and quickly turned you around and pulled you into her arms. "Everything will be okay, Y/N. You know if you don't have anyone else, you have me. I know you've heard it all before, but I'll never leave you."

"I know," You nodded while sniffling, trying to stop your long stream of tears. "I'm lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have you, too," She nodded and rubbed your back, soothing you into quieter cries. "Now, let's stop crying and get ready."

—

You gripped your father's hand as you walked down the aisle, praying you didn't fall in front of all the strangers watching.

On your left, you felt the seven pairs of eyes take in your lace embroidered, off the shoulder gown, and you wanted nothing more than to shrivel up until you became unnoticeable. A chill fell on your back since it was exposed, but the long sleeves that extended down to your fingers kept you from shivering. It was a warm spring morning, the sun shone brightly on the backyard wedding but you couldn't help but feel chills due to the peering eyes of your ex-lovers.

Once you reached the end of the aisle and Kyong took your hands in his, you quickly glanced over to your side of the audience, wanting to give your parents one last smile but instead met the eyes of Namjoon.

You frowned and turned your head back to the man you were marrying today, quickly forcing your features to lighten up as you heard the cameras click.

The ceremony drones on and your stomach was in knots. Everything about this was wrong and you knew it, but there was little to nothing you could do now seeing as you were already up here, vows prepared.

But as you start to say your vows, the clearing of someone's throat garners your attention and forces your head to look toward the audience.

"Kyong, you know this isn't right. What you've put this poor girl through, you know she deserved better than this."

"What?" You mumbled, eyes flickering between Kyong and the woman. His face had fallen, covered not only in anger, but fear, and guilt.

"My name's Park Binna, Kyong's former assistant and mistress," The woman spoke quietly, making you drop your hands from Kyong's. "Kyong had this whole plot to marry you in order for your businesses to be the top in Korea. And the reason your face has been plastered all over the blogs and magazines is because Kyong calls the paparazzi. 'All publicity is good publicity.' He's very good at acting Miss Y/N and I don't think you deserve to be tangled in his nonsense any longer."

You inhaled sharply, taking in her words, somewhat shocked but also not shocked at all. Everything made sense; staying late at the office, the media's sudden interest in your life.

The crowd was silent as they all took in the information they were just given. Even the cameras stopped clicking, but you weren't even paying attention to that.

The tension and worry in your body seemed to dissolve and for the first time in two years, you were filled with relief.

"Y/N, don't listen to her. She's nothing but a liar, that's why I fired her," Kyong pled, but you couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

You turned to him and let out a small laugh, swiftly taking the engagement ring off your finger and shoving it in his chest.

"Thank you, Park Binna." You gave her a small smile before stepping away from Kyong and stepping out of your white heels.

You leaned down to pick up your heels and started your way back down the aisle, calm and composed despite hearing the murmurs of the guests and quiet calls from your family.

You stopped at the third aisle where that seven men sat and reached out a hand for Namjoon to take. "You'll always be there, right?"

"Always."

[AN: I put the most important part of the AN at the top, so this is a bit short. if you want to join my taglist, here’s the link to the info page]

[tags: @feedthefandoms995 @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @scuzmunkie @yzkyzkuniverse @ah2002 @mwitsmejk (again a big thanks to you!) @vantaebearr @tomiwastilinskii @prettyling @yourthebrokengirl @halesandy @blackpetalbluemoon @mixersbeauty @victoryscreech61 @cherrycheola @bt21chim @btsecstasy @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @bts-106 @doublebunv @crewzie-chan @embrace-themagic @loveyoongles @daphnxy @notsooperfect​ @somewhereinthestarss​ @urvirtualgfteehee​ @vixen102006​]

[stromuprisahat]

First, he’s the only person fighting for Grisha and Ravka both. Later the only one with viable plan and willingness to literally tear out parts of himself to defend them:

He understood then. The Grisha lived as shadows did, passing over the surface of the world, touching nothing, forced to change their shapes and hide in corners, driven by fear as shadows were driven by the sun. No safe place. No haven. There will be, he promised in the darkness, new words written upon his heart. I will make one.

The Demon in the Wood

“I think you understand me now. There are no Ravkans, no Fjerdans, no Kerch, no Shu Han. There are no more borders, and there will be no more wars. From now on, there is only the land inside the Fold and outside of it, and there will be peace.”

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 22

“You mourn the people killed in Novokribirsk,” the Darkling continued, “the people lost to the Fold. But what of the thousands that came before them, given over to endless wars? What of the others dying now on distant shores? Together, we can put an end to all of it.”

Siege and Storm- Chapter 23

“My name is Aleksander Morozova, but I have had a hundred names and I have committed a thousand crimes. I am not sorry. I do not repent! All I did, I did for Ravka, and now, I do this too. For Ravka!”

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 48 (shortened), when he volunteers to suffer for the rest of eternity in order to keep his world whole- a deed usually performed by heroes of the story

He’s realistic. He’s seen so much shit, he lacks “heroes’” naive ideals:

“Why do you have such disdain for otkazat’sya?”

“Not disdain. Understanding.”

“They’re not all fools and weaklings.”

“What they are is predictable,” he said. “The people would love you for a time. But what would they think when their good king aged and died, while his witch of a wife remained young? When all those who remember your sacrifices are dust in the ground, how long do you think it will take for their children or their grandchildren to turn on you?”

His words sent a chill through me. I still couldn’t get my head around the idea of the long life that lay ahead of me, that yawning abyss of eternity.

“You never considered it, did you?” said the Darkling. “You live in a single moment. I live in a thousand.” Are we not all things?

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 9

He loves his people. Grisha and otkazat’sya alike:

“Where are the students?” I gritted out.

“They aren’t here.”

“What did you do to them?”

“They’re safe and sound back in Kribirsk. Probably having their lunch.” His nichevo’ya circled around us, forming a perfect, protective dome that shifted and writhed—wings, talons, hands. “I knew the threat would be enough. Did you really believe I would endanger Grisha children when we’ve lost so many?”

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 17

Aleksander should be glad of that faith, that all it had taken was a bit of shadow play to get these people to march into a war with him. So why was he left uneasy?

Will you protect them?

He could. He would if need be. His powers had returned to him. He could form nichevo’ya to fight on his behalf. His pilgrims could enter the field with picks and shovels and they would still emerge victorious.

And yet, his mind was troubled.

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 33

I’m sure you’re no hypocrite and you fight as ardently against other mortal/immortal ships as you do against the Darkling stans... but in case you’re truly interested, the appeal of Darklina isn’t about wanting to fuck each other (the lust is canonically mutual), but the potential of “two sides ot the same coin” ship.

Even as the enemy, the Darkling wants Alina to become her true self, reach her full potential. Even when she’s against him, he admires her.

“Back to pretending to be less than you are, I see. The sham doesn’t suit you.”

Siege and Storm- Chapter 1

“I’ve seen what you truly are,” said the Darkling, “and I’ve never turned away. I never will. Can he say the same?”

Siege and Storm- Chapter 23

“There are two thrones on that dais. You could see me anytime you liked.”

“You’re offering me a crown? After I tried to kill you?”

He shrugged again. “I might have done the same.”

“I doubt it.”

“Not to save that motley of traitors and fanatics, no. But I understand the desire to remain free.”

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 3

As you can see, @royal-jester​ , his sex-appeal plays no part in our affections, though it’s a lovely bonus.

In case you’re not interested in both-sided constructive discussion, or you’re happy to buy what the narrative’s selling- simplified pseudoromance, where fictional genocide is treated like background noise...

Please, tag your anti posts properly.

It’s called basic human decency.