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#and now we're getting an apartment pack
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Wooo
Already got the outside of my apartment building done so im ready for tomorrow
Since we already know we're gonna have cheats to expand the number of units on one lot it has 8 units instead of 6
I'm basing it off luxury townhouses you'd find in New York
4 of them are gonna be occupied by sim families i make and are gonna be super personalized for those sims while the other 4 are gonna be more basic and just have random families
Right now I have it on the 64x64 lot in del sol Valley but I might move it somewhere else. Havent decided yet. Initially when I thought "luxury townhouses" I picture something in LA but as I've been building, the style fits the new England area better sooooo....not sure which sim world with a 64x64 would work for that. I think the park in San myshuno is 64x64 so I might put it there but the style could maybe fit in windenburg....but the area that the windenburg 64x64 lot is in doesn't really work for apartments.
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penisbilt · 7 days
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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After about 12 hours of packing and cleaning and moving stuff and unpacking, I'm finally in bed at the house. It'll be our first night staying here (well, first time with it being our house. We used to stay here all the time in college). Tomorrow morning, we pick up the moving truck to get all the furniture moved over.
I am in so much pain but we got done what we needed to. My foot has been acting up since before we even started this morning and I kinda just had to keep walking on it bc there was shit to do. I eventually was able to put on the walking cast which made it easier to keep moving but didn't do enough. My ankle is burning and throbbing at this point. Hopefully I didn't damage it too badly (though when I ran my hand over my foot earlier one of the bones moved so who knows). I'm hoping some rest will help.
But yeah. Busy busy busy day.
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beeapocalypse · 2 years
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GNASHES MY TEETH
#blood tw#SORRY i am on a roll now. i thought about this comic again and feel like a worm writhing in fresh mud or some shit#THE FACT THAT HIS COURT TRINKET SET QUOTE IS 'we're all falling apart...' LIKE AUGHH !!!!#'WHAT I ONCE FEARED I HAVE BECOME!' 'THROUGH PAIN AND AGONY I DRAG MYSELF TO THE LIGHT!' 'I NO LONGER NEED TO BE--#--TESTED! SEE HOW I SHINE!' MAN !!!!! SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!#that last line is SO much. there is that fear of pain still ducking away somewhere inside of him still soem expectation of an END and a--#--reward for the suffering when to be a flagellant is to never see that beyond the finality of death !!! he finds righteousness and when--#--pushed to the edge superiority in his open acceptance of the pain but he still has those base human instincts !!!! AGH#TO SCOFF AT THOSE WHICH SHY AWAY FROM IT. TO IMPART IT WITH HIS OWN HANDS. AND SOMEWHERE IN THERE HE FEELS THE EXACT--#--SAME WAY#and right next to that animal fear is an animal anger. it finds a release through his righteous rage and his judgement of those afraid of--#--the burden but it is still right there and hungry#his comic makes me lose my mind it really does because like. that is not a benevolent embrace for people imparting--#--his deliverance he is laughing AT them for not understanding he wants to lord his knowledge over them because to him he is better--#--than them. as they find slow disgust in their own violence he welcomes it with literal open arms. man !!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont know what i am saying here. i dont know if it makes sense i just get so !!!!!!!!!! when i think about the flagellant for--#--any real amount of time. he has so much less dialogue than any of the other mercenaries because of his single affliction but there is--#--SO much packed into what there is it really is icnredible
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kuiinncedes · 10 months
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in new apartment by myself 😎✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️
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landofgay · 1 year
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I hate being mentally ill I hate being spread thin I hate telling people my deepest fears and having them confirm them I hate feeling like no matter how hard I try I'll never be enough and I hate feeling the way I do rn.
#not getting into it except i love my bf so much and he loves me so much and im never leaving him for a second#but i might have to move out of his house cause i feel so unwelcome now#which is my own fault#it's unfortunate this had to happen while on vacation cause now i have to be stuck in a shuttle with his family for 2 hours then on a plane#for 6+ hours then we have to get 'home'#except i feel like i cant stay there#but when i told my bf that he had a full panic attack. he was the most scared ive ever seen him#and i felt so fucking guilty for making him think id ever leave him cause i wont#i just cant be at his home anymore#i cant live with his family or with mine#and we have to wait so long to be on our own#and idk how im gonna manage that#we decided the night before we would marry each other once we have our own home. but now i feel so lost on how we're gonna get there#we cant afford rent anywhere the apartment they would build for us is the most affordable option By Far#but its gonna take so many more months to reach that point#i dont understand how we're supposed to reach that point#i am just. so fucking depressed. real and true depressed. i cant move i cant think i have to pack and get breakfast but i cant do any of it#i need him to go talk to his family without me so i can pack my stuff alone and just be ready to leave#but i feel like thatll make it worse#but itll also be worse if im there with him#i just want him to stand up for himself so badly. and i know how it is to crumple under your mothers guilt ive done it so many times before#this situation is just. so awful. i just want to be home and idek where that is anymore#its not my dads house. its not my moms house. its not my bfs house. its just wherever i am next to him#but im clearly putting a divide between him and his family and i cant let that happen#im distant from my family too but they always tell me its okay cause they see how happy i am#but his parents cant seem to do that#his mom anyways#and his sister basically hates me. and yeah shes hot headed and protective. and yeah i snapped last night#but now i feel like ive just fucked up and i dont know how to go back to that house. ever. not without immense guilt.
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chahnniesroom · 15 days
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to have and to hold
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pairing: bang chan x female reader
summary: you don't think there's anything chan can do to make you love him more. chan continues to prove you wrong.
word count: 1.4k
warnings: mentions of pregnancy, lots of fluff!!
a/n: sorry it has been so long since i posted! i have been wanting to write this since that ep of return of superman where chan and felix took care of rowoon, it was so so sweet. also i'm so sorry but i did not edit this at all
till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist
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“Do you think you’d ever want to have kids?” 
Your question breaks through the quiet dialogue of the show that you and Chan are watching. Behind you, you feel Chan freeze before he forces himself to relax and continue fiddling with your fingers.
Chan hesitates for a moment longer before answering.
“I don’t know,” he says, slowly and carefully. “I think that I’d want to eventually, but right now? Being an idol- It would be difficult. I mean, for anyone it’s hard, but especially with this career…”
“Do you like children?” you ask, curious even though you can anticipate his answer.
“Yes.” This time he replies immediately, although his voice is still cautious. He releases your hands from his hold and gently nudges your shoulders so that you twist to look at him. “Y/n- Do- Are you-”
“What?” you stare at him, not sure why he suddenly seems so worried.
“Are you pregnant?” he asks gently. “It’s fine if you are! We can totally work things out and I will 100% support you the whole time-”
“Oh!” You smack yourself in the forehead. “No! Definitely not! I was just thinking.” 
“Ah.” Chan slumps against the back of the couch, this time he’s actually relaxed. “Just thinking or- what brought this on?”
“I’m sorry,” you say hurriedly. “That must have been out of nowhere for you. No, it’s because my older sister’s wedding anniversary is coming up, the first one since she’s had a kid, so I wanted to let her go out without having to worry. I was wondering if you wanted to help me babysit?”
“I see,” Chan says, sounding relieved. “Your sister. Yes, I haven’t met Doyun yet, right? I’d love to help you take care of him.”
Your sister is delighted that you’ve offered to take Doyun for an evening and you quickly coordinate with Chan what day would work best. It’s not possible to babysit on your sister’s actual anniversary due to Chan’s schedules, but your availabilities line up on a Friday night the weekend after.
Chan is nervous leading up to it, which you find absolutely adorable. When you look over his shoulder one night, curious what he’s focusing so intently on, you find him scrolling through articles on interacting with babies as well as tips on baby-proofing an apartment.
Before your sister arrives, you work with Chan for a few hours transforming the open area of your apartment, placing pillows and draping blankets over sharp corners and making sure to keep any small objects out of reach. 
When the doorbell rings, Chan panics, popping his head out of the kitchen from where he’s been trying to figure out a way to prevent Doyun from being able to open the cabinets.
“We're not ready!” he says, eyes wide.
“What do you want to do, keep them waiting outside until you finish?” you joke, then pause when it looks like Chan is actually considering it. “Don't worry, I'll go let my sister in and you keep working on that. We'll be watching Doyunnie the whole time, so even if you can't work that out, it's fine.”
Your sister doesn't stay for very long. She hands Doyun off to you and assures both you and Chan that your place looks safe for a baby. After going through everything that is packed in the massive diaper bag that she’s leaving with you, she heads back home to get ready for her dinner.
Doyun has a short attention span and cycles between playing with a stuffed animal, a ball,
some plastic fruits and vegetables, and toy trains within the first hour. He is so adorable that you and Chan don't mind how much energy is required to keep him occupied. Luckily he's a fairly easygoing baby and hasn't fussed at all, although it did take a while for him to warm up to the two of you.
He's comfortable now, especially since Chan has started to spin the two of them around, hands firmly gripping Doyun’s torso. Doyun absolutely loves it, shrieking in excitement with his eyes crinkling. Even after a few minutes of the same thing, he never grows bored, just as thrilled everytime that Chan lifts him above his head. Although Doyun isn’t very heavy yet, after 15 minutes there’s sweat visible on Chan’s forehead and he’s starting to get out of breath.
“How about we take a bit of a break? Do you want to read?” Chan sits Doyun down against some pillows and rummages through the bag that your sister packed, finding some of the books that she included.
Chan hands the books over and although Doyun accepts both of them, he throws them aside and instead clumsily reaches up towards Chan, clearly asking to be picked up again. Chan pretends to groan and complain as he lifts Doyun back up.
“Aww,” you coo. “He really likes you.”
“And I really like him,” Chan says, spinning Doyun around. “I just wish I hadn’t gone to the gym earlier today, I didn’t realise what a workout this would be!”
Eventually Doyun grows tired, no longer begging Chan to continue. This time when Chan settles him on the ground, he just looks around curiously before crawling up to Chan and grabbing at his curls.
“He’s so small,” Chan marvels. “Look at his little fingers!”
He reaches out towards Doyun, who immediately wraps his hand around Chan’s index finger and pulls it towards his mouth.
 It's comical to see the difference in size between their hands and Chan visibly melts, allowing Doyun to gum at his fingers, quickly covering them in a sheen of saliva.
“Are you hungry Doyunnie?” Chan asks. “It’s almost time for dinner, let’s see what your auntie prepared for us.”
By the time Doyun is set up in a high chair with a bib on, you’ve finished cooking. Dinner for Doyun is simple, consisting of steamed vegetables, tofu, rolled omelette, rice, and a bit of fruit. You’ve also used the same ingredients plus a few additions to make kimchi stew for you and Chan.
Chan is distracted the whole meal, prioritising feeding Doyun and wiping his face clean in between bites over eating his own food. It's a futile effort since Doyun seems more interested in smearing the food around rather than getting it into his mouth.
When you're finished with your food, you switch spots with Chan and coax Doyun into eating the last few bites he has left while Chan scarfs down his own meal. 
After dinner, you carry Doyun into the bathroom and start filling the bathtub with a shallow layer of warm water. He watches with wide eyes as you add bubble bath that changes the colour of the water to a deep blue and creates a thick cover of bubbles. After washing the dishes and wiping down the kitchen, Chan joins the both of you just as you’re rinsing suds out of Doyun’s hair.
Cleaned and dressed in a fuzzy onesie with tiny bear ears poking out from the hood, Doyun struggles to stay awake for the rest of the evening. It’s obvious that he’s tired, he’s starting to get cranky and his blinks get longer and longer, but he stubbornly continues to play. After his third time nodding off while slotting plastic shapes into a cube, Chan picks him up and walks him around the room, rocking him slightly while humming a melody that you can’t recognize.
When your sister comes to pick up Doyun, he's sprawled out on Chan’s chest, deeply asleep. A line of drool drops from his open mouth to form a wet spot on Chan’s shirt, but Chan doesn’t seem to mind, staring at Doyun with stars in his eyes.
That night, right when you're about to fall asleep, Chan speaks up. His arms are wrapped around you and you can feel his breath against the back of your neck. 
“I think,” he says quietly. “I think I want kids. Not now, I still have the same concerns as before, but in the future? I want it.”
“You did so well with Doyunnie, it looked so natural,” you agree. “I think you would be a great dad.”
“Only if you’re there by my side,” he corrects.
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”
till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist
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jpnriikicore · 9 months
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── hickey prank
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paring colby brock x fem!youtuber!reader, word count 421, genre kinda suggestive, ( masterlist )
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"hey guys welcome to or back to my channel I’m y/n y/l/n and today I’m here with,"
"katrina."
"and I’m going to be playing another prank on colby with the lovely help of kat. we're going to put "hickeys" on my neck using makeup and hopefully it will turn out good and look somewhat realistic."
you’ve been planning this prank for a least a week now. texting a lot more and every time he asked who your texting you gave him a vague answer, but really the "someone i know" was just really kat just to make it more "suspicious".
you and colby are supposed to be going to dinner tonight. colby was currently in the shower, so you a kat had some time to put the makeup on. you toke off one of his hoodies that you’ve been wearing all day leaving you in a tank top. you set up a timelapse of kat putting the makeup on your neck.
once finishing up you heard the water of the shower turn off. you help kat quickly pack up her makeup and she sneaks off back to sam’s room.
you look in the mirror for the ninth time smoothing out the black dress. its one of colby’s personal favorites on you. he walks into his bedroom with only a towel around his waist rubbing his hair with a towel. he laughs, "is this another one of your pranks?"
"what do you mean?" your face scrunches in confusion.
"stop playing dumb."
he came closer to the point where your bodies are flushed together and your face inches apart. your breathe hitches in your throat as you become very aware of your height difference.
he gently grabs the back of your neck rubbing the "hickey" with the pad of his thumb. now, smudging the makeup on your neck. he glances down at his thumb seeing faint makeup smudged.
"nice try."
your phone dinged notifying you that you got a text message. colby glanced over to see your phone that laying on the bed.
you saw the message is from "caleb" who was just really kat. you purposely did this just to get more of a reaction out of him. "you know your mine, right?"
you nodded "i’m yours."
he picked you up holding you by underneath your thighs as you wrap your legs around his waist. he lays you on the bed and kisses down your neck sucking hickeys on your skin.
"wait, what about the reservation?"
"fuck, the reservation."
© JPNRIIKICORE, 2023
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evie-sturns · 3 months
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𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 - 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙤
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summary: you and matt had previously dated for a few years until him and his brothers grew famous, where matt became arrogant and self centered. fast foward to to present, a couple years later. you have moved on from matt completly until you run into him at an influencer party, what will unfold when you approach him? will you two rekindle or will the wall stay strong between you two.
contains: angst, arguing, swearing, fluff, making out.
—---------------└─── °∘❉∘° ───┘--------———
(2 years ago)
i lay on the couch next to matt, my head resting on his shoulder as the tv rambles. hes invested in his phone, typing every few seconds.
hes been filming videos with his brothers, chris and nick, for the past year or two, and they've just hit 3 million subscribers.
matt clears his throat before moving my head off him, "i gotta talk to you, yeah?"
my eyebrows furrow, i look over at matt who has an unreadable expression on his face. I nod slowly with a hum, "i don't know how to say this, but uh-... nick chris and i have decided to move to l.a with laura."
what?
"what?" i instantly reply, my stomach drops to my knees.
"gotta chase them dreams." he shrugs casually, picking up his phone.
anger starts to bubble inside of me, why the fuck is he being so nonchalant about moving across the whole country? what am i gonna do, just be left here and forgotten about?
"what the hell matt!" i say, raising my voice and slamming the phone out of his hand, he throws his hands up defensively. "are you being fucking serious right now?" i yell, "calm down bro?" he mumbles, picking his phone back up.
i stay silent, waiting for matt to speak, or atleast a solution. he just stays silent, looking around the room. "matt, what am i gonna do." i sigh, trying to contain myself.
"uh.. not sure?" matt leans back on the couch. "like you can come with if you want but i won't really.." he pauses for a few seconds
"have time for you..? i mean we're staying in lauras apartment which doesnt have enough space anyway but you could always sleep on the couch or something."
i scoff, "so this is it?" tears start to roll down my cheeks. "if you can't handle my fame and me moving then thats not my problem." he runs a hand through his hair before standing up.
without another word I'm upstairs and packing my suitcase, I'm leaving.
(Current time)
ever since matt and i's messy breakup ive been moving around alot, i spent the first month or so living with my parents, where i started content creating on various platforms. i would be lying if i said i didn't get popular, over the past 2 years ive gained a few million followers.
a year ago today i moved to l.a, where i've been thriving.
9:38pm
"y/n come on!" i hear yolanda, my roomate, shout from downstairs, today i've been invited to a party for influencers, i think. i run downstairs in my baby pink stiletto heels. yolanda is wearing a long shimmering black dress with a large slit up to the mid thigh. "hottie" i tease as i walk past her.
"shush" she replys with a wide grin, i walk outside to find our uber waiting patiently "yoyo!" i yell back to her as she scrambles around to find her purse.
i climb into the uber, "my bad, my friends coming now."
yolanda comes running outside, swinging open the door to the uber and crawling over me. i laugh slightly at her, she glares at me while applying lip gloss.
"you okay?" i ask her, "just nervous, its weird being a plus one to a party where i know famous people will be." she replies with a breath.
"you'll be okay gorg, i have no idea whos even going so we'll just stay together hm?" i say comfortingly, watching the lively streets of l.a outside the window.
the uber comes to a stop outside a large beachside mansion, i give him a quick thankyou before grabbing yolandas hand and approaching the house. the blaring music is audible from outside the house.
we walk up the stairs together, our heels clicking in sync on the marble steps. the doors to the house are wide open, the first person i see when i come inside makes my heart drop.
christopher sturniolo
my breath hitches in my throat, theres thankfully no sight of matt, i mean hes never really been one for partys. i feel physically sick when me and chris lock eyes, i guess i look different since the last time i saw him, 2 years ago.
I haven't really thought about matt since i moved to l.a, the last person i wouldve expected to see here is his triplet brothers.
i shoot yolanda a look, she looks equally has disturbed as me.
i decide to keep navigating through the various bunches of people, i look back and yolandas gone, flirting with some random instagram male model. i scoff with a smile.
i turn my body back around, an audible gasp escapes my mouth as matt sturniolo stands infront of me,
alone.
he smiles awkwardly with a wave, he looks me up and down while he clutches the cup in his hand so tight his knuckles go white. "you look different." matt says, his voice shaking from nerves
"charming." i roll my eyes.
"no!- no i meant in a good way, i mean in a platonic way, but you look different, sorry-.. how are ya doing.." matt rambles, stammering over every word.
a small smile forms on my face, which instantly drops when i remember the events of what happened the last time i saw him. "i've been doing really good actually." i reply, nodding my head slowly.
"yeah, i saw !thats awesome you got selected for that peoples choice awa-rds..." matt says before stopping himself, i laugh slightly.
has he been stalking me? that got announced an hour ago.
"thanks matt, how have you been?" i ask, he takes a small breath "i've been good, yeah.." matt says, he clearly doesn't think the world revolves around him like how he did 2 years ago.
another silence fills the air between us, but he breaks it. "do you wanna come with me?" matt asks abruptly, my eyebrows furrow "sure?"
he reaches out a hand subtly, i take it.
he guides us through hundreds of people, yolanda eyes me down with her jaw slack, i shrug my shoulders with a smile back at her. the night hair hits my revealed skin as matt lets my hand go slowly.
"should we go sit on the sand?" i ask quietly while we walk side by side on the footpath.
-
10:12pm
matt and i have been walking side by the shoreline for a few minutes, catching up on the past 2 years of no contact
"wait so you're at 6 million?" i laugh in shock, he shakes his head with a smile "shut up!!"
"no like, congratulations matt thats really awesome."
he shrugs it off with a playful nudge to my shoulder,
the past 30 minutes or so neither of us have brought up the last time we spoke, our last interaction, the final fight. i think we both don't want to ruin what we have going on right now.
a silence forms as the ripple waves crash onto the shore, my palms are sweating from the warmth from the night. "wanna go sit up there? in the dunes?" matt asks, pointing up the beach. "oh-..oh yeah!" i agree chirpily, snapping out of my somewhat 'trance'
he leads us away from the water up into the sand dunes, the mound of sand and grass behind us acting as privacy. he flops down onto his back, laying down on the sand. I lay down close beside him, our legs touching against eachother.
"i want to talk to you about what happened that night." i blurt out softly, just from the plain moonlight i can see matts cheeks are a deep maroon. he nods "yeah." with a shaky sigh.
"i was an asshole, like proper crazy." he says in a serious tone.
"honest to god i think the fame was making me go insane, i thought i was so much better than.. everyone? i never shouldve told you like that, or moved in general" he rambles, guilt painted in his voice.
"matt, moving was best for you." i cut him off, but he instantly snaps back
"i don't think it was? i miss you so much."
i sit up, the loose sand falling off my back "and i never really moved on, i'm so grateful i found you tonight 'cause the guilt has been eating away at me, and im so sorry, i am so fucking sorry." matt mumbles slightly.
i nod understandably "i think we needed the break, i can see you've changed a lot, for the better."
matt sits up too, sand grains scattered in his brunette locks as his tongue pokes out quickly to wet his lips. his eyes stare into mine before he reaches out a hand to grab my jaw, right under my ear.
"can I kiss you?"
i nod frantically "yeah-of course"
matt leans in, his body shifting on the sand while the calm waves crash onto the shoreline.
his lips meet mine, a distant familiar feeling that i hate to admit but ive really missed, even though ive forced myself not to.
his tongue asks for enterance, which i quickly allow. his tongue slips into my mouth,
i move my hair to one side before hooking one leg over his thigh, moving my body to straddle him while keeping our lips connected.
our kiss turns from gentle, to desperate. craving what we've missed for the past 2 years.
after a well-needed few minutes, we finally pull away from each other to catch our breath. panting fills the air before he pulls me into a tight hug his arms moving over my back as i stay seated on his lap. leaning onto his chest.
"i think we should retry, everything." he matt says into my hair as i rest my chin over his shoulder
"gotta agree with you on that one matthew." i laugh, joy overpowering me.
-
"matt there you fucking are!" a familiar voice yells from a few meters away. i look up, breaking matt and i's hug.
chris and nick are standing side by side with a shocked expression on their face. "holy shit!" nick laughs,
nick used to be one of my closest friends, but after the breakup with matt and i we were forced apart, i think after his brothers caught me ontop of matt it gave them the all clear to interact with me again.
i climb off of matts lap, running across the sand towards nick before leaping into his arms, the long fabric of my dress drowning nick.
"someone please fill me in" chris says cluelessly.
matt walks over to us 3, nick puts me down "uh yeah, we are retrying stuff after a chat, a really good one actually." he says, scratching the back of his head.
"oh my god thank you y/n, matt has not shut up about you for the past 2 years holy fuck." chris says after a dramatic gasp.
-------------
this took so long to write i hope u guys really like it!
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chloe-skywalker · 1 year
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Awkward Situation - Paul Lahote
Paul x reader!Fem!Swan
Warnings: none
Word count: 1,541
Requested: Twilight imagine the part in New Moon where Bella slaps Paul and her little sister is their w/her Paul imprints on the reader and jacob isn’t happy about it and stuff like that. - @cokecola4211
Authors Note: I enjoyed writing this I tried to make it different from what I’ve read before. Thank you for requesting! Sorry it took awhile to post my queue has been FULL lol
Masterlist
Twilight Masterlist
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“Bella, maybe Jake just wants to be alone- or maybe some guy time.” Y/n suggested it to her slightly older sister. Bella and Y/n were hardly even a year apart in age but that didn’t stop Y/n from occasionally getting treated like a baby compared to Bella.
Y/n knew Jake and Bella had been spending a lot of time together recently and it seemed to be good for her sister after the Cullens left. But Jake had become sick or at least that's what he and Billy had been telling Bella. Y/n wanted to just leave it, he’d come back on his own either way. But her sister, no Bella , needed answers now and she wasn't going to wait to get them on Jacobs time.
Bella shook her head with a tight expression on her face. “No, Y/n. Something's up. Somethings wrong I can feel it.”
“Bella, we’ve both known Jake practically our whole lives maybe he’s just-” Y/n shook her head lifting her hand in q wave motion before dropping it down to her lap. “I don’t know, going through puberty?”
“His dad keeps saying he has mono but it’s been almost 2 weeks and he won’t even answer texts. Let alone calls.” Bella explained further as she pulled into the Black’s driveway.
“Maybe he’s still sick.” Y/n tried one last time as Bella put the car in park.
“Well, we're going to find out.” Bella stated before she got out of the car.
Y/n unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car to chase her sister muttering to herself. “This isn’t gonna go well.”
Bella knocked on the door and shortly after Billy opened the door. Bella had told the man in the wheelchair that she needed to see Jake, but all she got was that he wasn’t there. Next thing Y/n knew her sister had welcomed herself into the home practically going right over Billy.
“Bella.” Billy called after her but it was too late and Bella wasn’t listening anyways.
“I’m sorry, Billy.” Y/n said apologizing for her sister's actions.
Billy let out a sigh and sent a tired smile to the younger Swan. “Don’t worry about it, Y/n.”
It wasn’t even a few minutes later that Bella stormed out of the house and Y/n followed yelling after her. “Bella!”
“Hey!” Bella shouted and shoved one of the shirtless males Y/n somewhat recognized. “What did you do to him?!”
That's all Y/n could really hear from so far back. So she shouted out to her sister again, hoping to defuse the situation if she couldn’t just get her to leave. “Bella!” 
“Y/n wha-” Jake spoke out suddenly standing beside the Y/h/c-ed girl.
“She dragged me here with her.” That's all Y/n had to say for Jake to understand what was happening. Charlie got Y/n in the devoirce so Y/n and Jake grew up together their whole lives as siblings in Forks. They could understand what the other was saying with just a look.
Jake nodded before looking back at the scene and then pointed “And that?”
“She slapped that Paul guy.” Y/n told him and that changed his demeanor.
“Crap. Y/n, stay back.” Jake said as he noticed Paul shaking.
Y/n wondered why but then she made eye contact with the Paul guy her sister was taking her anger out on. It was as if time showed for a minute. All the members of the pack put it together, and that's when Jacob flipped and inevitably so did Paul.
Seeing them turn into giant wolves Y/n ran to her sister. “Bella, you okay?” Her attention was drawn back to the wolves fighting not far from everyone. “Woah. Now that's cool.”
“Really, Y/n?” Bella asked, turning her head to face her sister in disbelief at how her sister wasn’t scared.
“What?” Y/n shrugged. In her opinion that was cool. Way cooler than Vampire super speed, the eyes, and sparkling under the sunlight someone dumped a 1,000 pounds of glitter on you. The Paul guy and Jake turned into Wolves! And not just wolves, Giant wolves. That's impressive.
“What just happened?” Bella asked Sam Uley she believed his name was. All the while Y/n was confused as to the looks she was getting from the others, a few she had grown up with just like Jake. 
“Paul imprinted.” Sam stated looking at Bella. Then Jacob came out of the woods still looking pissed off.
“On Y/n.” Jake grumbled, clearly pissed off at the new found fact.
“Take her back to Emily’s. Bella too.” Sam told Jacob which resulted in a very loud scoff from the younger male. “That's an order Jacob. Embry go with them.”
“Hey, Em.” Y/n nodded to Embry. They have been friends for years. It brought comfort to Y/n, knowing someone else. Someone that wasn’t pissed that would be in the car with her, her sister, and Jake.
“Hey, Y/n/n.” Embry smiled. He had missed seeing her around since he phased.
“Why is Jake so pissed?” Y/n asked Embry hoping he could fill her in on what's going on exactly.
Embry sighed before explaining. “Him and Paul don’t get along, and he’s protective of you. As he should be, you're like brother and sister.”
“Why would he be protective over me when it comes to Paul? I’ve never met Paul before.” Y/n squinted with a furrowed expression as she questioned Embry confused.
“Paul should be the one to explain it to you. It’s not my place, or anyone else's in the pack.” Embry felt bad for Y/n. She had no idea what was going on and it very much involved her. But like he said it wasn’t his place to explain any of this to her. 
Y/n nodded in understanding, kind of. But maybe he could explain something else to her. “Can you explain the pack part to me then?”
Embry nodded with a smile stretching across his lips. “Yes, I can do that.”
It wasn’t a long drive but long enough for Embry to explain about the pack to Y/n.
“Who’s place is this again?” Y/n heard Bella ask and she listened for Jake’s answer.
“Emily and Sam’s.” Jake answered as he got out of the truck.
Jake and Embry helped Y/n off of the truck bed. With a quiet thank you from Y/n they all headed inside. The only ones that weren’t there was Sam and Paul. But it didn’t take long for them to join in on the group.
“Can I talk to you? Outside. Alone.” Paul asked nervously looking softly at Y/n, to let her know she could reject his request if she wanted to. Y/n nodded ‘yes’ getting up to follow him.
“Over my dead body.” Jake growled, glaring with his eyes set on burning holes into Paul.
“Jake.” Sam said his name firmly. Making Jake stand down. For now.
“Come on.” Paul nodded his head towards outside Y/n nodded as well and followed him outside the small nice home.
They walked into the woods for awhile, Y/n assumed long enough to be far away enough so the rest of the pack couldn’t hear their conversation. “So, I assume that they explained the whole pack thing to you?”
“Embry did, yeah. But not the imprint part?” Y/n spoke with a unsure tone, hoping she got the word right. Paul nodded with a twitch of his lips. “Not the imprint part. What is that by the way?”
“Guess I should explain that part then.” Paul smiled, hearing her just say the word of what she is to him. That made him feel warm on the inside, which was a new feeling for him. He did like it though.
“Embry said it was only your place to tell me what it is.” Y/n looked to the still shirtless male with curiosity. What did it mean? What did it have to do with her? And why did Paul have to be the one to explain it?
“I have a spot I’d like to take you, and I’ll explain on the way.” Paul suggested there was a place he wanted to show her that only he knew about. Great view that he never that he never showed anyone.
“Ok” Y/n knew she was being way trusting with this stranger. But he felt trustworthy. She didn’t know why but he does.
Paul stopped them for a second in their tracks. He really needed to know something and it was bothering him that he didn’t. “I do have a question before we get too far that I should know that I do not.”
Y/n let out an amused breath before asking. “And what's that?” 
“Your name.” Paul smirked
Y/n nodded with a smile. “Y/n. Y/n Swan.”
“Well, Y/n Swan. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Paul’s smirk fell into a smile. He always teased the others who already had their imprints about how whipped they were, but now he was starting to understand.
Taglist:
@gruffle1 @padawancat97
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2smolbeans · 8 months
Text
Imagine being the ex of a yandere who managed to get over you after assuming you had died.
Imagine how devasted you felt when you heard that they managed to find a victim girlfriend after you had cut them off from your life.
How desperate you were to protect that woman from your "ex" so that they wouldn't end up in the situation you once were.
How quick you were to find their contact, warning them about the yandere. Begging for them to cut them out of their lives before its too late.
The paranoia that followed you every day, praying that your second identity would keep you safe forever.
How you would compare your old self to your current look and new "you" in chances of reassuring yourself that they will never find you.
The feeling of dread you felt that day when you went to the public market, speaking to a vendor while you felt someone stalking you from afar.
That worst fear finally coming true.
How quick you were to pack up your belongings and run out of the place you were staying in out of fear that they were chasing you.
When you finally ran into that alleyway, hiding inside the trash for hours until realising that they didn't have the intention of finding you..Yet.
Picking up your belongings as you walk back to your apartment, crying as you realised they were going to find you - that all those efforts escaping them would go to waste.
How you swore, cursing to yourself for having those thoughts. Why did you feel relieved knowing they hadn't gotten over you? Why did you miss them? Did you really feel that insignificant to the point that a murderer brings you some sense of comfort?
How little it took for them to find you. Backing you up against the wall as they roamed their hands frantically all over you. Touching you, grabbing you, as if to reassure themselves that you were indeed alive before scolding you.
How they gave you that damned sweet smile that made you almost miss them.
Eyeing you up and down, smirking at your new appearance. Quickly grabbing you by the throat as they manhandled you out of the exit, leading you to their car as they lovingly spoke to you.
Whisking you away as you looked at your last night of freedom.
"Well, that wasn't a fun game of hide'N seek. I'm glad it's over now! Now come on, let's go home, okay? No more running away. You're not five, y'know?"
"I thought you were gone forever.. I was so broken. I tried so hard to fill..To find someone else-"
"But when I heard it from Jessica of how you randomly approached her, "warning her" about those silly lies you made up about me- I knew it was you!"
"If it weren't for her, I would've never known.. I kind of feel bad for breaking things off with her now..But you know I could never replace you right?"
"You..You lied to me. You..Ugh."
"I'll make us some dinner when we're back at the house. Also, is that a piercing? I can't believe it, haha! With the way you were dressed, I thought I had mistaken you for someone else!
"Now get in the fucking car."
"I can't wait for us to be home together again"
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warriorofthought · 2 months
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I did love you, always!
Summary: Bucky broke up with you but the Winter Soldier still loves you.
Word count: 3103
Warnings: sad, sentimental Feelings 
Winter Soldier x Reader
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You and Bucky broke up recently, even though you always supported him, even through his Winter soldier phase. It didn't even take two weeks before he got together with Sharon. that made you angry, hurt, betrayed.
You were at Bucky’s house because you had to get your stuff, and you both began to argue again because of Sharon.
"At least she treats me like I'm somebody!" he snapped.
"Yeah, I do too but would she love you if you were the winter soldier?!" You yell back.
"Nobody loved me when I was the winter soldier!”
"I do, i did" you mumble and turn around to put clothes from the shelf in a box.
He stops and just stares at you. You can't tell if he heard it. You look at him. 
You stare at each other for a few seconds and you wonder whether it's even something to say now. 
You wait for him to reply, maybe you shouldn't have said anything, now that you realize you might have spoken out of impulse. 
He walks up to you. 
"What did you say?”
"you have heard me!" You say a bit annoyed.
"I love you, even when you change back into the Winter soldier. The winter soldier is not a complete monster, he is also loveable." You sigh.
"But that doesn't matter anymore" you shake your head disappointed and hurt.
He stares at you and seems to be thinking. 
His grip tightens on his fists. He's angry, frustrated, upset. 
Then he sighs.
"You don't know what you're saying and you're just saying this because you're upset." 
He seems to be thinking again, then he continues.
"If i was the winter soldier, you would hate me too.”
"I would not, i have seen you many times as the winter soldier and i didn't hate you, i love you it doesn't matter which one you are. The Winter soldier loves me, the same as you do. He wouldn't kill me." You say and finish up packing your clothes.
"How do you know?" he asks. He's curious now, maybe he's starting to reconsider.
"You don't know that. You say you love me no matter what, but I don't believe you. You're just saying it because you're angry. Because you can't stand me being with Sharon.”
"Yeah, I can't stand you being with Sharon." You snap.
"But I'm the only one that can change you back into Bucky when you go back into Winter Soldier, Sharon can't protect you from that, the Winter soldier, you. He will kill her." 
Before Bucky can say anything Sharon steps into the apartment, his new love.
You glare at Sharon, who's got her hands all over Bucky.
"She can protect herself, she's a trained SHIELD agent." Bucky is getting defensive now. 
"And I can protect her if she needs me to. She understands this. She's not afraid. We're in love, and she trusts me." 
Bucky's really falling for Sharon's charms now.
"Bucky, you don't need to pretend you love someone else, just because you are scared."  You say gentle.  " We both can manage that, we can work on that, together." 
He stays silent for a bit. 
"I'm not pretending anything. With her, it's..." you can hear the joy in his voice. 
"You don't know what it's like when I'm with her, to feel her touch, to hear her smile... It's different with her, I actually want to be with her.” 
You grab your last items and then walk to the front door. " I hope you won't regret that" you say and leave.
He lets you leave, knowing how stubborn you can be when you're upset. But he will regret it. He already does. 
He sits down on the couch in silence. He should go after you, he shouldn't have let you leave like this. 
But then Sharon comes and sits right next to him, putting her arms around his neck, clinging to him.
Timeskip (Three weeks later, you get a call from Sam, telling you Bucky changed back into the Winter soldier and that he is currently destroying the SHIELD base. Sams wants you to come quickly because nobody comes through to the Winter soldier or Bucky. You sigh but still go to the SHIELD base to see what is happening, you even see Sharon there but the Winter Soldier doesn't seem to like her. You stop beside Sam who looks happy to see you here.)
Sam smiles at you, relieved to see you. He knows you're one of the only people who Bucky would actually care to listen to. 
The Winter Soldier is destroying the SHIELD base, tearing things apart and shouting. 
Sharon's nearby, but Bucky seems to have forgotten about her.
"I thought he wouldn't get near Hydra again, that all of you didn't let him go destroying the hydra base as a mission. How wrong did go your last mission?" you say softly to sam.
Sam shrug his shoulders .
"He was on a mission to destroy a hydra base, the one right here, but apparently something went wrong."
You glance at the Winter Soldier. He's still breaking things and shouting. Sam sighs.
"Sharon's trying to talk to him, so far he's not interested..."
"No wonder, Winter doesn't like her" you grumble with a sigh.
Sam sights too.
"He's not usually this bad when he changes back" he explains.
"This time it's different because of... You know..."
"Because of our break up?" You ask gentle.
"Is he not happy with being with Sharon?"
Sam nods. "He's not happy, and he's not handling his emotions well. And the fact that he's still with Sharon... He's confused, he's trying to deny his feelings for you and it's... just making his mind a mess."
You sigh " I will handle that."
Then you step into the room where Sharon and the Winter Soldier are. Sharon looks like a mess.
The Winter Soldier doesn't even blink when you walk in. He's got a look of determination on his face, and his eyes are fixed on Sharon who is trying to talk to him, but Bucky's not interested.
Sharon's hair is all out of place, she looks scared and desperate.
"Winter, do you really need to be so mean to her?" You ask gently and walk closer.
The Winter Soldier stares at you, his eyes filled with rage and frustration.
"Maybe I do. Maybe I want to be mean to her."
Sharon looks at you, and at first it's relief, but she slowly understands that you're not going to defend her.
"Is it because Bucky wants to be with her and you don't?"
The Winter Soldier looks like he suddenly realizes something.
You notice that he's slightly distracted from the idea of hurting Sharon and actually looking at you.
He raises his voice.
"Bucky wants to be with Sharon, but I hate her..."
You slowly nod. But as you want to answer the jet sways a bit and you all stumble a little to the side as the jet tilts to the side.
You don't see how a few metal pipes threaten to fall on you and before that happens, the Winter Soldier is with you and protects you from the falling pipes with his metal arm.
You're shocked by his sudden change of behavior, and also by his sudden reaction. He protects you, making sure you're safe. His reaction is much quicker than yours, or anyone else's and it's clear that all his attention is now on you.
"Winter" you say lovely, your soft eyes meet his. He doesn't change back into Bucky but you see the love that the Winter Soldier has for you.
His eyes meet yours and you feel like he's looking into your soul. The love and affection in his eyes...
He's still standing in front of you, protecting you.
You can feel his warmth and his closeness.
Sharon is looking at you two, her look of desperation gone now, replaced by something else...
"Winter, thank you." You whisper softly.
He nods slightly, clearly understanding that you're thanking him.
Sharon's starting to look angry and jealous now. She's clearly noticed that he paid no attention to her, and was completely focused on you.
This time Sharon starts to mock you.
She points at you and laughs.
"He's just pretending to care about you. He doesn't love you, he doesn't even like you. He's with me, not with you!" it pains you to hear her say those things, to see the contempt in her eyes and hear the jealousy in her voice.
"Yeah, Bucky is in a relationship with you. But that doesn't mean that the Winter Soldier also wants that" you say calm.
Then you all stumble again as the jet swings in the other direction. Winter immediately stabilizes your stand.
You keep talking to him without even reacting to the movement or the danger. You know Winter will always have your back.
Sharon rolls her eyes and laughs.
"Do you really think he'll choose you over me? He needs someone in his life and you're not even there for him. He wants a real relationship, a real woman, not someone like you!"
“I don't care about your opinion, the only thing that is important is that Winter and even Bucky feels comfortable.”
She stares down at the ground, her jaw clenched and her face flushed with anger.
You wonder if she's realizing that her relationship with him isn't as secure as she thought…
Sharon laughs again.
"You're so stupid if you actually believe that. Just look at him! He's in love with me, not with you."
You notice her tone change from mocking to one filled with anger and jealousy.
The jet wobbles even more and Winter has to tighten his grip on you to keep both of you standing. The Winter Soldier keeps protecting you, making sure you don't fall and get hurt.
Before you can react Sharon points her gun at you, your eyes weiden slightly surprised that she would do that infront of everyone else. You even can hear Sam grasp surprised.
The Winter Soldier notices too and immediately raises his arm to block the bullet with his metal arm. 
His eyes flare when he realizes someone's pointing a gun at you and he won't let that happen. 
Sharon is surprised that the bullet doesn't hit you and glares at Bucky who is protecting you.
Sharon yells at you. Then Winter grabs you, you don't even manage to do something else and flee with you out of the big jet towards a helicopter.
The Winter Soldier moves quickly and efficiently, and before anyone can react he's managed to carry you towards a helicopter. 
You're stunned at his speed and agility, but you also notice how much he's paying attention to you. 
By now Sharon must've realized that she lost.
The Winter Soldier is in charge. Not Bucky. 
You can feel his warmth in your arms. His strength as he carries you to the helicopter and then lowers you in. He still stays protecting you, keeping you safe.
Sharon is behind the helicopter, still staring at you with jealousy and contempt but she no longer seems like the same person.
The Winter Soldier seems almost loving towards you, his anger turned into affection.
"Winter?, are you telling me, where we are going?" You ask and let him buckle up the seatbelt around your body and watch him start the helicopter.
The Winter Soldier is focused on starting the helicopter, and he doesn't respond for a bit. He looks at you and you notice his expression is different. The rage is gone.
He's thinking, and you also realize that he's actually considering what he's going to say for once. 
Then he finally speaks.
"We're going home.”
"home?" You mumble and watch him drive the helicopter away from SHIELD.
"Yes." his voice is even more gentle now but there is still the roughness in it, his expression has softened.
He focuses on flying the helicopter. 
"Home, and then we'll talk.”
Timeskip (A few hours later. He lands the helicopter on a farm that is his.)
The Winter Soldier lands the helicopter next to his Farmhouse. 
This is definitely his safe place, you can feel the peace and the comfort.
He turns around to look at you. 
"We need to talk.” You nod and sit down on the couch. The Winter Soldier also sits down in front of you, close enough that it feels like he wants to have physical contact with you. 
He is still in control, not Bucky.
So far everything is different from before, you can feel how much he's calmed down, how much he likes being this close to you. 
"I wanted to apologize…”
"for that what Bucky did? You can't control your other side, Winter. Bucky and you are both in this body, I don't know why Bucky suddenly stopped loving me but It's not your fault, Winter.”
He smiles slightly. Then he moves closer so that his leg is touching yours. His eyes are intense but soft, as if he's really paying attention to every little word you say. 
You have to resist the urge to move a little bit closer.
Then he replies.
"I know I can't control the other side, but I did hurt you.. and I'm sorry…”
You smile softly and cup the face of the Winter Soldier softly.
You slightly wish he would stay being the Winter Soldier, loving you further. You missed him so much, you don't care how rough his side that hydra had caused is because he always is so soft to you, only to you. Bucky himself will go back to Sharon. But this wish is unethical and mean of you to think. You sigh.
"I love you, i haven't stopped doing that.”
His expression softens even more as you cup his face. 
He feels your hand against his cheek, your fingers gently moving along his jawline. 
He leans his head just slightly to the side, leaning a little bit more into your touch.
His hand is moving, reaching out and he's just about to caress your hand, but then he stops, hesitating.
He bites his lip, his gaze lingering on your hand.
He is still the winter soldier, but he's definitely more in love with you than Bucky ever was…
"My Winter, my love. I have missed you so much." You say lovely and put your forehead against his, breathing his scent in. Your hand intertwined with his flesh hand.
The winter soldier doesn't reply, but his arm moves slightly, his fingers wrapping around your hand and holding it tightly. 
You are both very close and you can almost feel him wanting to draw you closer, pull you to him and bury his face into your neck, but he stops, resisting the urge.
His eyes are deep and passionate, he really missed you and his love for you is shining through them. He's breathing a little bit harder, and you can feel his heartbeat increasing.
"Tell me, do you know that i love you Winter, i love the Winter soldier, i even love you as Bucky. Especially, i love you, your heart, your soul. I don't care how the other sees you, I see you as something special.”
He squeezes your hand, as if you didn't even need to tell him, as if he always knew that you loved him.
Your words have reassured him though, and his heart beats a little slower, his breathing becomes more relaxed.
He wants to say it back to you, to tell you how much he loves you. 
But he's still struggling with his identity. He's still deciding which is the stronger side. 
"I love you too..." he whispers.
Your heart warms immediately, having missed to hear this words out of his mouth.
And suddenly, he pulls you closer. He leans his head against your shoulder and wraps his arms around you, his grip tight and loving. 
He smells like the farm, like open air and fresh grass. 
He's holding you, so close and protecting you.
He's the winter soldier, and he doesn't want to let you go.
“I hated what Bucky did to you, he feared things, but that doesn't give him the right to push you away, my lovely flower. I hated it that he tried to suppress me, hated it that he stayed with this woman. I don't like her. Sharon is not you, she doesn't have this glimmer in her eyes as you have when you look at me.”  his voice is rough but soft at the same time and it sends a shiver down your spine.
You hug him back and softly pet his back.
“Don't worry, we have enough time to figure this out.” You say lovely and lean your forehead against his.
He hugs you even tighter, burying his face in your neck, and breathing in your scent.
He has finally decided. The winter soldier is in control. Not Bucky. The moment he's been wishing for has finally come. 
He's not struggling with his identity anymore. He knows who he is.
His hand touches your face, gentle, caressing.
"I'm not letting you go. I don't want to share you with anyone anymore.”
His voice is filled with affection as he looks at you. 
"I've missed you. I've missed being with you. I've missed feeling you..." 
He leans his head against you again, and your breath is intermixed. 
Sharon definitely cannot compare to you in his eyes, she was always just a replacement for you. He doesn't even want to think about her right now. 
His arms are still around you, and your body is pressing against his. It feels so natural that you almost want to stay like this forever…
"I know she's not you." his voice is even rougher now, almost feral.
He presses his face into your neck, his lips just below your ear. 
"She's nothing compared to you... I hate her."
He holds you tighter and you can feel the pure hatred and possessiveness coming out of his every pore. 
This is the Winter Soldier's way to tell you how much you mean to him.
"I don't want to turn back into Bucky. I want to stay the Winter Soldier with you.”
“Winter, we will figure it out soon. Alright?” 
You feel him nod against you, then he moves his body on the sofa and quickly pulls you into his embrace.
You know someday you have to let the Winter Soldier change back into Bucky, but for now you can enjoy your love back in your arms, healing your heart.
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bingbongsupremacy · 4 days
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Marry Me?
Pairing: Spencer Reid x reader
Warning: I haven't seen criminal minds in a bit so idk if the Spencer in this is 100 percent accurate
Summary: Spencer asks you to marry him at the most random time. Garcia does not approve.
*Not Proof Read* ABC List Criminal Minds
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" That's horrifying. " I wrinkle my nose at the sight of the bloody decapitated woman in the photos lying scattered around the table. This is why I work with Garcia.
Sticky notes are messily pasted onto the photos, illegible scribbles covering them.
" It is. " Spencer agrees.
" Why did you call me in here? " I ask, confused why my boyfriend called me in if he isn't going to expand further on the topic.
Spencer picks up a large Manila folder and shuffles through the contents. " I think I might have figured out the pattern we were looking for. " He pulls out a small stack of papers, each with the name of a high school in the corner. " The Unsub is killing girls from the same high school. Each girl attended the school at a different year. It's like he's going down the line of years. If I'm right, he'll been picking a girl from 2002 next. "
I scan over one of the papers he hands me. " Shit, you're right. " Excitement fills my body. We've been working on this for hours. He figured it out! " Spencer, this is fucking amazing! You figured it out! We need to tell the others. "
" Yes. I also think I might know who the next potential victim is based on other patterns I picked up along the way. " Spencer rambles on. " I think he might be going after Piper Johnson next, the woman we saw on the news interview. We need to check if she's okay. By the way, do you want to get married? "
His words come out so fast it takes me a second to process.
" W-What? " My eyes widen. Did I hear correctly?
Spencer is looking at me his gaze steady. He looks serious. " I know it's a little random, but this case really had me thinking. We don't know how much time we have together. God forbid one of us gets hurt or worse. I don't want to waste any more time with you. I love you and I want to be with you. I'd be the happiest man on earth if you said yes. "
For a moment I forget we're surrounded by gruesome shit. All I can think about is Spencer and our future. All of our plans.
A large smile makes its way onto my face. " Of course I will, Spence. I love you. " I smash my face into his, our lips meeting and immediately sending shivers through my body.
" I love you too, Y/N. So fucking much. " His voice rumbles against my lips.
" You did not just fucking ask Y/N to marry you in a room surrounded by dead women. Spencer, what the fuck. " A surprised voice interrupts us.
Surprised, Spencer and I pull apart to find the owner.
Garcia stares at us, her mouth hung open in surprise. " And you accepted his proposal? Are you insane? Don't get me wrong, you guys are perfect for each other. This proposal was just...so...gory. " She glances at the pictures around the room. " I'll help you plan out a real proposal, alright? Let's press pause on this until tonight. I'll have it all ready by the time you guys get back. " She says confidently, taking on the task we didn't ask her to do.
" It's really not that big of a deal- " I begin.
" It'll be done by tonight. " She says sternly, holding her hand up to stop any argument. " Now, you go let the others know what's going on with the unsub. " She points at me. " You are staying here with me while we set everything up. "
She gently pulls me towards the door, snatching the pack of information out of Spencer's hand.
" But-! "
She doesn't let me finish, swiftly kicking me out of the room.
Behind her, Spencer stand watching me in surprise.
Garcia shuts the door in my face, leaving me standing on the other side alone.
This day has been so confusing.
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luvyeni · 9 months
Text
❛BRUISES AND BALLET SHOES❜ ( l. jeno )
💬nia's notes: based on this drabble. is this late? absolutely but was hidden with all the other unfinished drafts.
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p. badboy!jeno x goodgirl!reader w. 1.5k+
warnings? unprotected sex, breeding kink, dirty talk , name calling.
— 𖦹 ( jeno gets into a fight and almost misses your preformance ) !
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you peeked your head out the curtain — the reserved seat still empty as people began to fill up the stadium. you pouted , closing the curtains. 'where is he? he promised he'd make it'
"(name)?" your director tapped your shoulder. "you okay?" you nodded. "good , we need you ready , there are a lot of people here to see you." you smiled , shaking your head. "i'm alright." there were many people here to see you , but not the one you wanted.
"jesus you guys look like crap." renjun sat at the computer as the rest of them came limping back in. "yeah well we can't all stay behind the computer." haechan opened up the freezer , grabbing a frozen pack for his eye. "some of us have to fight."
normally jeno would've entertained them , but he looked at the clock and went into panic mode , he was gonna be so late. "shit." he hopped up , looking into the mirror. "what's your problem?" he ignored chenle , he had bigger problems — he had a black eye and multiple little cuts littered all over his face. "she's gonna kill me."
he grabbed his helmet , normally he didn't wear it , but he was going to see you and he knew you'd be upset if he didn't. "what are those?" haechan laughed , pointing to the pink glitter stickers scattered all over the helmet. 'so you'll know what one is yours.' he remembered your voice. "she put them on there , are you laughing at her?" mark jumped in before jeno beat haechan to pulp. "haechan stop it."
he really didn't have time anyway. "i'm leaving." he rushed out , he'll make it if he rushes , jumping on to his bike , putting his sparkly helmet on before speeding off.
"(name) , you have to go on now , the show is about to start." your director called , you sighed , nodding. "okay." you made your way to the side of the stage. "you can do this." you said to yourself. 'i just hope he's safe and not in any trouble.'
he made it just in time , handing the lady — who definitely thought he was in the wrong with all the bruises on his face the ticket. "thank you." he ran to the to concet hall , swinging the door open , just as the music started.
everyone gave you a standing ovation , you were incredible , so graceful. you took your final now , before making your way off the stage where everyone was waiting to give you hugs and congratulations. "thank you everyone." you said smiling.
"we're all gonna go out and celebrate." your director said , you really didn't want to , just wanting to go home and crawl into a ball. "honestly i just wa- baby." you turn around upon hearing his voice. "jeno!" you smiled , the first real one of the evening. "maybe next time , excuse me."
you ran over to him , running straight into his arms. "you made it!" he smiled as your eyes lit up. "of course i did you were amazing , you'd really think i'd miss your preformance?" you pouted. i thought you got caught up." you finally noticed his face. "you were out fighting again."
he frowned , "baby it's apart of the job." you touched his busted lip , he hissed in pain. "eh , i told you to be careful , let's get you home so i can fix you up." you grabbed his hand , guiding him to his bike. "put your helmet on." you said. "baby." he whined. "now , you don't need anymore bruises on your face."
"ow , baby that hurts." he hissed as you sat on his lap , applying the alcohol to his busted lip. "you should've thought about that when you were out fighting." you scolded. "you told me you'd calm down." he sighed. "i know princess , but you know it's not easy."
you finished him up , throwing the trash in the bed next to the bin. "renjun's girlfriend said he never comes home with bruises." jeno rolled his eyes. "that's because renjun sits behind a computer." he kissed your lips. "maybe you should do that then."
he laughed , kissing your pouty lips again. "i'll ask mark next time." you knew he wouldn't , he loves the thrill too much , but you decided not fight it. "now let me give you some love as a reward for a fantastic show." he kissed your neck , making sure to mark you up. "j-jeno , no marks , my director is gonna be pissed."
"good." he said , leaving a few more. "maybe he'll get the hint that you don't want to fuck him and that you're taken." he growled against your skin , your panties soaking , his jealousy was always a bit of a turn on.
he flipped your bodies around , hovering over yours. "you're getting jealous for nothing." he lifted the shirt you stole from him above your hips , revealing your pink panties. "such cute panties."
you whined , squirming around impatiently. "calm down." he stilled your hips. "so eager to have your little pussy stretched , i have go make sure you're ready for me." he said , pulling your panties down your leg. "look how wet you are."
he toyed with your clit , rubbing slow circles to annoy you. "j-jeno , please." you whined. "n-no teasing." he chuckled at how needy you could be. "okay baby , okay , i won't tease." he pushed a finger into your hole. "fu-fuck jeno."
he moved his finger , watching your cunt suck in his finger. "fuck princess , only one finger and you're barely taking it." you moaned. "a-another." you barley got out , he cooed. "you want another?" he added another , your juices soaking his hand. "so wet baby , you're making such a mess on my hands."
"j-jeno." you moaned out. "jeno , im gonna cum." he curled his fingers up. "fuck , im cumming!" you screamed out , he pulled his fingers out , bringing them to his lips , tasting your reminisce. "just as sweet princess."
he pulled his sweats down , his cock springing out , hitting his abdomen. "look at you drooling over my cock , you want it in your mouth?" you eagerly nodded , he chuckled. "maybe next time baby." he rubbed your folds with his hard cock. "i really need to split you open with my cock."
he slowly pushed his cock into your cunt , your hole clenching around his tip , squeezing him. "fu-fuck, no matter how many times i fuck you." he groaned. "you're always so fucking tight."
he finally bottom out , holding your legs around his waist , rocking into you. "s-so big." you moaned , jeno was on the bigger side , so it was always a tight fit when he was fucking you , but it felt good , the way he stretched your poor cunt out. "yeah , but you always take my cock like a good girl."
"f-faster." you stuttered , he listened , fucking into you faster , hitting your cervix. "j-jeno , fuck!" you screamed , he groaned , holding on to the headboard. "oh fuck , you feel so good , moaning my name like a slut." he growled.
"e-everyone thinks you're such a good girl -shit- they don't see it when you're screaming my name like a whore , letting me stretch your tiny cunt out on my cock." he moaned. "ngh fuck , gonna cum in this tight cunt." you felt it coming , your orgasm about to hit you like a ton of bricks. "gonna cum."
"you can cum princess , cum all over my cock , so i can breed you , fill you with my cum." he felt his orgasm , holding it , waiting for you to finish. "would you like that?" he grunted. "for me too breed you? make your stomach all round." you nodded dumbly. "p-please."
"fuck- then cum for me." on his comand , you came , tightening around so tight you almost pushed him out. "oh fuck , fuck im cumming." he grunted , his cum filling you up. "sh-shit jeno." you mewled. "t-too much." he kissed your lips. "you can take it , your a big girl." he whispered. "you can take it."
"fuck look at that." he slowly pulled out of , his cum leaking out. "your tummy all bulged because of my cunt." you whined. "such a good girl , taking all of me like that." he praised.
he helped you get cleaned up , he was really inattentive when it came to things like this , making sure to be softer , washing your skin with your favorite sent , putting a towel in the dryer so it can be warm for you when you get out , wrapping around you.
you laid in bad , tracing his tattoos as he play with your hair , your favorite movie playing on the tv , your laughter breaking him away from it. "what's so funny?" you shook your head. "nothing." you smiled. "it must be , you're so giggly princess , what is it?"
"it's just that , to everyone you look so scary , but in here you're like a little puppy." he whined. "stop that." you chuckled. "i already get made fun of because of those stickers you put on my helmet." he said and you pouted. "then take them off." he pulled you closer , kissing your forehead. "and why would i do that?"
"my favorite girl did that , im keeping them even when they fade."
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©️LUVYENI
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pickingupmymercedes · 2 months
Text
My Mark - Lewis Hamilton (NSFW)
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Pure SMUT - NSFW
We're nearly at a 100 followers, which is insane to me, so here's a smut to celebrate
pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!
warnings: unprotected sexual activities, jealousy, oral (m!receiving), penetrative sex (p in v), creampie.
wordcount: +1k
a/n: There's close to no plot, like whatsoever, it's pure smut.
Also, wrap it before you tap it
As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!
EXPLICIT CONTENT UNDER, -18 DO NOT INTERACT.
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He was him, and you were…well, you.
You had always prided yourself on not being the jealous type, you had always trusted your relationships and to an extent, you trusted your own game. You weren’t a model, but you had learned how to feel good within your own skin, how you were the only one able to give yourself the confidence to be your best.
But you were dating the Lewis Hamilton, and as much as he would show you, time and time again, that the Sir was a persona detached from “Lew”, the guy that marveled at the simplest sight of normalcy, sometimes you’d feel the weight of sharing the slightest piece of him with the world.
And that particular evening, as you turned off your work computer and peeked at your phone you felt an anguishing burn in your belly as photos and videos of Lewis at Grace Wales Bonner showing at the Paris Fashion Show popped up from every social media. The white suit, the lack of undershirt, his stray braid, the way his thumb traced the corner of his lips, they were all mouthwatering things and mannerisms you’d gotten almost used to over the months of your relationship.
He was hot, God-like hot, you knew that, and you also knew people wanted him as much as you did, but while scrolling through the official photos one in particular made you smirk as you walked into your London apartment. A slight cut in his bottom lips, that could very well be seen as nothing, was the physical reminder of where your teeth had drawn blood amidst his vigorous thrusts the previous week.
So, you did the one thing you’d tell yourself over and over not to, packing your bags early, rescheduling all your commitments and rebooking your plane to Nice in two days to get to Paris in the early hours of the next morning.
As you got to his hotel room you saw the smirk on his face, his lazy posture with his arms spread across the bed and the covers only to his waist giving it away he had already been told you’d be arriving, a “bastard” muttered under your breath.
You undressed as you got to the bed and crawled onto the fluffy cover on his lap, leaving kisses all the way from his belly button to his neck, a lazy smile all across his face as he opened his bobba eyes. You kissed him like his lips were made just for you, your hunger to be his and to make him yours guiding your every move as he too felt the urgency and deepened the kiss.
“Why so needy, babe?” his lips leaving ghost like touches on your shoulders, his arms bringing you closer to his chest as he pulled you into his laid body. It didn’t take long for his hands to find your ass, for his touches to become firmer and for his lips to part as he let low murmurs of pleasure as you rocked onto his lap, his boxers and your lingerie the only barriers.
“You’re mine, Sir” your eyes delivering the message to him that he was now your main and only target, in a hunt you’d already won but needed to make it crystal clear. `
You took advantage of the brief moment he’d taken to register your affirmation to make your way back to his waist, hands slowly tracing all the muscles in his abs until your fingers got to the happy trail he hadn’t waxed in a while.
“Please, let’s not start something we’re not going to finish” A tug at your arms as he made you look up at him, his hands creating a makeshift ponytail with your hair and his eyes half glazed with lust already.
“I’m not one to leave things unfinished” a smirk displayed on your features before you turned your attention back to his body, palming his already rock-hard penis through the fabric of his boxers and getting his hips to jolt up as he hissed at how sensitive his member already was.
His breathing got shorter and the patches of precum got more noticeable the more you toyed with the hem of the fabric. His gaze fixed back on you when your fingers went up to his abs, a momentary break for him to catch his breath, not long enough though before you freed his angry and wet head, giving the slit a soft kiss before pulling his whole underwear down to reveal his penis in all its glory.
“You don’t get to do anything this time” Your hand pushing on his chest as he motioned to sit up and bring you to him. Siting back on your knees your hands started to spread the precum from his tip onto his length, pumping it with the sweetest smile you could muster while looking up at his desire-filled features, his grunts the only noise alongside the eventual pops your lips would make when you started to suck him, one of his hands softly going to your head as you worked your lips in unison with your hand on his member.
“Gosh, y/n, I’m gonna cum like that” And you could feel in how tense his lower abdomen felt and how raspy his voice sounded that he was really close.
“I want your seed in my pussy, I’m the only one that can have it” You whispered close to his lips as you straddled him, just mere seconds before your walls fully took his length, the sharp stretch that he still managed to give you, overwhelming all your awareness of time and space, his hiss and curses the only sounds you were able to hear. It took you a while to be able to move, his hands smoothing the skin on your waist as he breathed praises.
As he raised his upper body, to adjust the pillow under his head, his hips followed his movements and his tip slightly brush your g spot, earning a guttural moan from you, your sight sharply refocusing on his darkened eyes above you. He reached for your waist to bring you closer and this time you allowed him to stand up a bit, giving the first few rocks on his dicks as you clutched him by his shoulders.
The more you moved the harder it got for you to stop, getting lost in the pleasure, “oh shit” coming out of his mouth every few seconds as you felt his breathing getting shallow until his strong hand held you by the waist, holding you down as he tried to control himself, his eyes closed and inhaling sharply against your chest.
“You okay?!” His sudden need to stop caught you off guard and you held his face searching for any sight of pain or discomfort.
“Yeah… you’re just… you’re so hot” his now opened eyes admiring your features, his breathing coming back down.
“I’m close too” Your reassurance giving him the confidence to thrust his hips up, laying back on the pillows to watch at where you two connected and finding his away to your swollen clit, massaging it with his licked thumb as your movements got less coordinated.
Each time his penis entered your walls you could feel every millimeter of him, you felt full with each thrust and it wasn’t long before the desire went from just wanting him to needing to feel his touch everywhere you could. You reached for him and without questioning he took control, peppering the skin on your neck with sloppy kisses before flipping you to lay on your back still with his dick inside you.
He kissed your lips as softly as he could, a totally different demeanour to how deep and rough he fucked you, breaking the kiss every now and then to look at you with those sex hazy eyes you had grown so fond of.
As he got closer his thrusts got sharper and carried more force, he raised his body and rested his hands on either side of your waist, hitting a deeper spot that got you squirming, the skin-on-skin noise filling the air all around with your moans and his grunts.
It wasn’t long before you felt his thumb on your clit again, this time though he kept the pressure even when you bit on the skin of his shoulders, your walls clenching around him when your vision went white while he kept pounding, riding your high and also making sure every spill of his semen found its way to your cunt.
His last thrusts were always the hardest to take, the ones that would hit deeper and sharper, the one he had near to no control over as his instincts pushed him to stay as deep as he could, for as long as it took you both to come back down to earth. Always leaving kisses on any skin his lips made contact with, fingers tracing patterns and whispering sweet nothings on your ears.
“Hello to you too” His eyes now soft and filled with love, the darker pupils back to its normal size as he slipped out of you and collapsed by your side, pulling you to his chest soon after.
“Surprised?” your hands finding its favorite place to rest on his abs as you laughed at his dazzled stare at you.
“You make me a hot mess. I always have to hold back when you’re riding me” You gave him back a half smile half smirk, leaving a kiss to his chest as his fingers traced the skin on your arms.
“Guess I have a new favorite position then”
“What was that all about, by the way? I thought we were meeting in Monaco in two days” His attentive eyes now looking at you for answers.
“The mark on your lips from last week, it’s still there” You lift your head to look at his lips, the lust back in the gleaming of your eyes as he remembered the sting in how hard you had bitten on his lips.
“All of this, for a mark?” He chuckled, amused at how random some of your actions seemed to him.
“My mark. You’re mine, Lewis Hamilton” You pointed out, pulling his face to yours, finding his lips in the type of teeth and tongue kiss.
“Always…I’m all yours”.
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pers1st · 3 months
Text
can't quit you - alexia putellas x reader
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pairing: alexia putellas x reader
warnings: bit suggestive, angst but happy ending
Taking a quick breath in after sleepily glancing at your phone to check the time, you shoot up in the bed that is not yours, next to the body that is not your dog's, whipping around. Your head drops as you get ever so dizzy, and you hit the nightstand next to the bed with a loud bang.
"Ow", you wince, holding your forehead tightly and pressing against it, as if that would help your pain in any way.
"Joder", a soft voice mumbles next to you as you push the covers back, revealing your still naked body. Usually, it would be dark when you left Alexia's bed, but by now, the sun had risen and you were late.
Fuck.
"Get up", you instruct her as you crawl out of the warmth of the bed, hastily gathering the clothes you'd left on the floor last night.
"Ale, we have training." The blonde is still laying in bed, the duvet cover all the way up to her nose as she shields herself in comfortability. She doesn't react to your words.
"Ale, we're late", you huff as you pull your sweatpants on. At that, the seemingly unconscious body shoots up, banging her head the same way you had.
"¡Joder!", she curses as she mimics your actions.
It's been two months since you last spent a night in Alexia's bed. Your relationship was a long and stable one, and when you broke the news to your teammates, every single one of them was shocked.
You and Alexia, however, weren't. Despite the two years you called yourself her girlfriend, the both of you agreed that it was time to call it quits. Time to go back to being friends. You let yourself become too comfortable, and, along with it - clingy. The two of you could never be apart, and you both know that it wasn't beneficial for you or Alexia individually.
Still, you know that, no matter what happened, you can always count on Alexia, and so the breakup felt less like a stop in your relationship and more like a shift. That's how you found yourself in her bed after a team night out, and then, just a month ago, the two of you silently agreed that whatever this was - it was okay. You had, after all, agreed to remain friends (with benefits, it seemed).
But the golden rule of it all seems to be that you don't stay over. You and Alexia agreed to spend time apart, to be on your own, and although it included late night calls and (sometimes drunken) hookups, you didn't sleep over anymore. You didn't wake up in her arms anymore. Until today.
"Ale, I don't have any training clothes", you sigh, the realization dawning on you that of course, you didn't pack an overnight bag. Why would you? You never stay over.
"So? Wear mine", Alexia shrugs, throwing a pair of shorts into your face. You duck away quickly and watch as the fabric gets caught on the lamp.
"Yeah, sure", you chuckle.
"You go to training, I'll be there once I've driven by my house."
"But that'll mean more extra laps, no? Just wear mine", Alexia huffs, seemingly unbothered by your problem. It's, however, not as easy as it used to be.
"I can't, Ale. We're not together anymore, we don't share clothes, we don't fucking fall asleep together!"
You didn't notice your voice raised until Alexia raises her eyebrows at you, wincing ever so slightly.
With her still looking at you like a deer caught in headlights, you grab your keys from her wardrobe and leave her behind, not caring to say goodbye.
Your ex-girlfriend confuses you. How does she not see the problem? How does she not see the gravity that comes with the night you spent at her flat? How does she not understand the problems this causes?
You huff in annoyance as you walk towards your car, knowing that you'll be running laps for a good half-hour after training, seeing as officially, you were supposed to be there five minutes ago. With the extra ten minutes it took to go home, and the fifteen minute drive to the training grounds, you know that Jona will have a very stern talk to you. The only hope you can cling onto is that Alexia is already there, and the fact that no one notices how weird it is for the both of you to be late on the same day, when you usually never are.
Jona's words are harsh, but they are nothing you can't handle. Alexia already finished her laps during training, it seems, as she is not with you while you round the pitch over and over again. With only two laps left, you speed up slightly, not noticing the figure sat on the bench before you finally come to a stop, reaching for your water bottle.
Keira raises her eyebrows at you silently as you take greedy gulps. It's not a particularly warm day, but the sun is beaming down on the pitch as if it is Summer and the excessive running left you dry.
"What happened? You're never late."
You know by her tone that she is hinting at something, but you shrug as the two of you begin walking towards the building.
"My alarm didn't go."
It's a lie. You didn't even set an alarm, with how exhausted you had been last night. Keira wants to say something else, you can sense it in the way she keeps looking at you and then back down, but you don't urge her to, because you don't want to hear it. You don't want to hear anything, really. You didn't speak a single word to Alexia during training, dodging her every time you were asked to partner up and not cheering her on the way you usually did.
Even now, as you joined Keira for lunch in the cafeteria after a quick shower, you lead your friend to the table furthest in the back, away from everyone else. She doesn't mind, though, instead yapping to you about everything and nothing. Aitana joins you halfway through your meal, and you quickly become the third wheel, though you can't exactly complain. Your head is dangerously close to exploding, with the speed that thoughts are racing through your head.
Maybe sleeping with Alexia after the breakup has been a bad idea. After all, you split because it seemed impossible to spend time away from each other. With the excuse of remaining "friends", you still partnered with her every time, made conversation with her about everything and nothing, ended up in her bed every evening just to escape mere minutes later and pretend nothing happened. It's a vicious cycle, and it needs to stop. And that realization is what's bothering you the most. The fact that you need to stop. The fact that you actually need to be apart from the woman you still love so dearly.
You don't notice Keira and Aitana already left until a new body appears in front of you. Glancing up, you find the one person you didn't wanted to see.
"Estas bien?", she asks, looking down at your full plate. Feeling nauseous all of a sudden, you declare your lunch finished and throw your wet hair over your shoulder.
"Sí", you mumble as you rise from your seat, beginning to walk to the tray of dirty dishes.
"Estas segura?"
"Sí, Ale", you huff, reaching around her to discard your plate.
"Okay", Alexia shrugs. "Are you coming over tonight?"
You shake your head, looking at her with a stare that, admittedly, she doesn't deserve. Alexia isn't the catalyst of this problem, anyways. It was the both of you who made this decision, silently agreeing on a plan that now seemed so foolish. How did you expect to spend every night with her, not allowing yourself to be embraced by her warmth and love, and not fall for her all over again? Alexia agreed to the breakup. She is okay with the two of you not being together again. So, why the hell aren't you?
"No, I can't tonight", you reply, though it is a total lie. You don't have plans at night, ever, because you always know where you'll be. Where you would have been. If the two of you were still together.
"Okay", Alexia says, though it sounds more like a question. You can't seem to stand in her presence for another second, as you bid her a quick, cold-hearted goodbye only to sprint away from the cafeteria and to the locker room to gather your bags and speed home.
Alexia and you agreed. You need to be alone. And you need to practice it, now that you can't drag yourself into her arms again. There is no space for you anymore.
You can't seem to sleep on your own. Before, you were so worn out from Alexia's persistence to wreck you in every possible, leaving you in a sleep so deep the only thing to get you to stir was your shrieking alarm. Now, though, you fall into bed with a thousand thoughts rummaging through your head, and you lie awake for hours, watching the sun set, watching the sun rise, all while tossing and turning around, desperate to find rest.
It's not difficult for the team to catch on. You sweat off every bit of concealer meant to hide the shadows beneath your eyes, and your movements are slow - hazy, almost. Your performance is average, at most, and no one had ever seen you perform averagely.
Alexia notices too - at least you hope, because there is no way she can just forget about you, is there? She watches you curiously, but she never says a word about your piss poor sprints, your late passes or weak shots.
Even Jona seems hesitant to say something - and that is what you're left with. Everyone looking, no one asking. Everyone noticing, no one checking. The whole situation is beginning to drive you insane - Alexia is starting to drive you insane. Though she is not the culprit of this, you can't help but feel your heart wither away every time you look at her and feel just a little bit of anger. This isn't how you want to feel about the woman you loved for such a long time.
It takes you exactly a week to end up in her bed again. Alexia doesn't ask why you are behaving the way you are, and she doesn't react to your hesitation to come over to hers again, which makes you crave her even more. You're a bit like a child, when it comes to these things. You always seem to want what you can't have, to want what doesn't want you. Her head just peeks up from between your thighs as you lean back into her cushions, eyes hazy and head spinning. Alexia is so, so good to you. The anger is long forgotten, at this point.
"Estas bien?", she asks the way she always does, and it causes you to chuckle.
"Sí, Ale. Muy bien", you huff, as she lays down next to you gently, her own body covered in beads of sweat. You push yourself up from the mattress with the last bit of strength you have left, gently straddling her lap as you lean down to capture her lips in another kiss. Realistically, you are worn out, at this point. You've been in Alexia's bed for hours, and the both of you are likely satisfied. But it is so hard to leave.
She chuckles into your lips, intertwining the both of your hands with hers as you finally steal another kiss from her.
This- it felt oddly domestic. There was a softness in her eyes that you haven't seen- or potentially just not noticed, since the two of you broke up. It makes you stop in your tracks.
"What's wrong?", she asks as you lean back on her lap, looking at this glint in her eyes that completely captures you. You can't describe it, but this feels so right- being here, in her bed, being on top of her, laughing, kissing, sharing intimacy, the look in her eyes as she gazes at your every inch, that it feels entirely wrong. These moments are over. Your relationship is over. You have to remind yourself, again and again.
"I should go", you huff silently, pressing one last kiss to her lips before climbing off of her. You almost whimper at the loss of contact, but you rise to your feet anyways, searching for your clothes on her wooden floor.
"You could stay." Alexia sits up, patting the spot next to her as she looks at you, following your every movement with her eyes.
"No, Ale. I should go", you remind her, and remind yourself, and pull your hoodie over your head.
"I'll see you tomorrow?", you ask, though it is a given. The two of you always see each other at training.
"Will you partner with me for passing?", she asks back, a chuckle on her lips.
"Why? Miss me already?"
You only catch the meaning of what you said by the time you are in her hallway, and you pull the door of her apartment close a little harsher than expected. Alexia doesn't miss you. The both of you know it.
It seems like a vicious cycle that the two of you are caught in. Every time you decide to put some distance between the two of you, it leaves you craving her even more. It almost feels like an addiction you are so badly trying to break, but you relapse every time, soaking in every second you can spend in her arms. You go over to hers a few times, indulging the attention she gives every inch of you, and then you leave her high and dry, the wall between you rising again as you dodge her during training and outside of it.
Just last night, you were in Alexia's arms, letting her take care of you the way she always does, letting her kiss every inch of you until there was nothing left and the two of you were breathless.
Today, you didn't speak a single word to her.
Unable to stand the silence in your apartment, you asked Keira to join you for dinner at home, after texting Alexia that you couldn't come tonight.
Alexia, obviously, doesn't seem to believe you as she knocks on your door furiously, all the while Taylor Swift is echoing off the walls of your kitchen quietly, with Keira sitting on the countertop, stirring the pasta every now and then. It is dark in Barcelona already, and just twenty four hours ago, you were with Alexia. Still, she is the last thing you expect when you open the door.
She is dressed in sweats, but she still looks so good. It takes you a second to actually recognize her presence.
"Alexia, I have-"
a guest.
That's what you intended to say, but the woman pushed past you already, barging through your apartment.
"We need to have a talk", she declares as she strides through your hallway. You only manage to catch up to her by the time she has noticed Keira, who looks between the two of you questioningly.
"You, out!", Alexia points to the door as Keira shakes her head, a grin on her face.
"But we haven't had dinner yet!", she protests with a chuckle, but at seeing Alexia's stern face, which isn't kidding in the least, she looks at you, pleadingly.
You shrug. No one disagrees with Alexia.
"Wow, just kicking me out? I'm hungry, you were supposed to feed me! I can't believe this", she mumbles as she pushes herself off the countertop, shaking her head in disbelief as she walks past you.
"I hope your food burns!", she yells from the hallway when Alexia sits down on the couch and you go to turn the stove off. The door crashes closed with a loud bang.
"That wasn't nice", you point out to your ex-girlfriend. Alexia is strict when it comes to football, but outside of the sport, outside of the captain-responsibility, she is the sweetest teammate, friend, girlfriend. Her behavior towards Keira makes you sense the gravity of whichever conversation she is going to have with you, and it makes anxiety tingle in your stomach.
"Sit with me", she orders, though it sounds more like a question when she looks at you and you can see the slightest bit of doubt in her eyes. Along with that softness. That glint.
You are next to her within seconds.
"Y/N, I need to know. If we are friends or not- I can't do this hot and cold", she starts, and the vulnerability in her voice makes you shudder. You didn't know that this affected her at all, she never voiced any complaints, but the way she looks at you makes you realize that this whole situation had nagged her more than she admitted.
"Why did you agree to this- whatever, if you don't want it?", you ask, not knowing how else to describe the situation, curious to know what she is asking of you. Does she not want you to come over anymore? Does she want you to be over every night?
"Because I can't..."
You allow her the time to search for whatever word she is looking for, knowing that she always struggled with English.
"Quit you. I can't quit you, and seeing you, holding you, if you are in my bed I can convince myself that this isn't real, that we didn't break up", she mumbles, her voice barely above a whisper but loud enough for you to hear. She spins your head.
She agreed to the breakup. She agreed that it would be best for the both of you when you first opened the conversation of how dependent you felt on her. In truth, the realization of how much you love Alexia had only hit you when every footballer had suddenly gotten engaged, and you realized that all you wanted was to marry Alexia. The thought was scary, and it sent you into a rabbit hole for a bit, wondering silently whatever you were going to do with yourself when Alexia decided that this relationship just didn't work anymore. Now, as you look at her, you realize that it's foolish. Calling dibs on the breakup was your worst idea yet. But Alexia agreed.
"But you- you agreed, when I broke up with you. You wanted the breakup", you look at her with a questioning gaze, lingering on the freckles on her cheeks.
"Because I don't want to hold you back, amor. If breaking up with me is what you need then I'll try to survive, somehow. But that doesn't mean I want it."
At that, you throw yourself into Alexia's arms. How have you been so stupid? How have you hurt the one and only person you have ever, truly loved, just because you were scared?
You sense Alexia's hesitancy, but after a few seconds, she wraps her arms around you, pulling you even deeper into her chest. You can feel her heartbeat, and smell her perfume, and it makes you question how you have survived the past months without being hers. Her arms feel so familiar, so comforting, that you crave nothing more than to be here - in her embrace - forever.
"I only broke up with you because I was scared. I was so scared of you ever leaving me, and-"
Alexia interrupts you.
"I could never. I could never quit you, amor. You are stuck with me forever", she mumbles into your hair as she gently rocks the two of you from side to side, her arms never loosening around you. You chuckle at her choice of words, though you do admit it is somewhat fitting.
"You'll never quit me?", you ask, a slight smile on your lips as you pull back slightly. At that, she only tightens her arms around you.
"Never. I will never quit you."
notes: this is literally horrible
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