#and now has a huge food component

[airyairyaucontraire]

It's strange how much, when I have time off (e.g. tomorrow is ANZAC Day and I've booked the Friday after as annual leave so I can have a four-day weekend), I feel like "ah, normal life for a bit," because work-day life never really feels like life.

Anyway, this weekend is my mother's 70th birthday and she's having a party (catered ladies' lunch) and she's sad because her sister is sick and can't come but on the other hand her best friend has flown over from Australia for it, and I will spend a chunk of tomorrow baking two large and sumptuous carrot cakes for the occasion.

The best carrot cake recipe I've ever found btw: Carrot Cake III from Allrecipes.com. I make it without the pecans, because my sister's allergic to nuts, and instead of plain cinnamon I use mixed spice (called pudding spice in the UK and pumpkin pie spice in the USA). Otherwise, I just follow the recipe and I really cannot over-emphasise how nice this cake is. My sister and mother request it for their birthday cakes pretty much every year.

It's so moist you can make it a couple of days in advance with no noticeable deterioration (provided you store it wrapped up or in an airtight container, of course). The original recipe is for a 9x13 rectangular pan but it works pretty perfectly if you divide the batter equally between two medium-size round cake pans and then layer the baked cakes with the cream cheese icing, which is my normal method. This time, however, I'm making the rectangular version for ease of cutting and serving to a lot of different people.

And it's easy. You don't actually need an electric mixer, if you have a whisk or an egg-beater and some gumption that's just as good. I speed things up by grating the carrots in a food processor - as well as being quicker, I find this results in tidier grated carrots that don't leak and slop their juice so much. In my experience, three medium-size carrots usually yield three cups of the grated stuff, and I would recommend using a grater or food processor disc with smaller holes - thinner strands of carrot give you a better-textured cake.

And as you may know if you know me, I like carrot cake to be a simple and honest CARROT cake, and this one is. There is no secret, sneaky fruit involved.* Carrot it says and carrot it is and carrot it ever shall be.

I once made this with heirloom purple carrots as an experiment. It looked simply disgusting and tasted exactly the same.

*I don't mind if you want a carrot and pineapple cake! I just think you should call it a carrot and pineapple cake. Stuff you if you put sultanas or raisins in it though.

[nolita-fairytale]

still into you | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | chapter two: friday

summary: big announcements are made at the james beard house dinner, and carmy tells you how much you mean to him.

warnings: swearing, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking

word count: 4.6k

listen to: in transit - albert hammond jr. | nightswimming - r.e.m | friday i'm in love (cover) - phoebe bridgers (playlist here)

a/n: remember when i accidentally posted this earlier today at the start of the american work day? that was weird. anyways...

read: chapter one | bonus smut scene

Friday

The way that the four of you flow together is like a symphony – each one of you so committed to your craft – to excellence – and the feeling you get sends chills down your spine. It’s a sign of how far you all have come, which is what the menu is all about this evening. It was Syd and Carmy’s idea: each dish presented this evening would embody a part of The Bear’s story. You’d even worked with Marcus on elevating his signature chocolate cake, wanting to keep the heart and soul of it, even if it had to lean a little more towards the fine dining side of things.

Never in a million years would Carmy have thought that, on his first day at The Beef, that you’d all end up here. After all the chaos, all the swimming upstream, it felt near-impossible that something so disorganized and broken could become something so beautiful. 

He’s near-shaking at the idea of what he has to do next, but he also knows that this is a story he has to tell. It’s not really something he’s spoken about – at least publicly – and not to the food world. 

But he can’t tell the story of The Bear without Michael. 

He feels like he’s sweating through his chef whites, but you remind him that he’s going to be great. It’s a huge step in his healing journey and after a long talk about it, Carmy had decided it was something he felt he wanted to do. 

“Before we wrap up the evening, we have one more dish before dessert,” Carmy says, earning the attention of the dining room full of people. 

He hopes his voice isn’t shaking too much, and he nervously fidgets with a spoon he’s holding in his hands while you and Sydney stand behind him as literal and emotional support.

His face feels hot. He feels like he wants to throw up and cry at the same time, and he looks back at you for reassurance. 

You nod your head in his direction, a comforting smile on your face, as Sydney grabs your hand. You’re both nervous for him. 

You can do it, Bear. Let it rip. 

“As some of you may know, three years ago I left New York to go back home and take over the family restaurant – the restaurant that would eventually become The Bear,” he explains.

“This dish is uh… it’s really special to me,” he says, trying his best not to let his voice break as he continues.

“It’s an ode to my late brother: a play on the braciole he used to make for me and my sister every Sunday.” 

The dining room gets quiet, each person hanging onto every single word that Carmy says, his vulnerability palpable. 

Carmy suddenly feels emotionally exposed, but he knows there’s no turning back now. He can practically hear Mikey’s voice in his head, encouraging him, pushing him to let it rip. Knowing that he’s got you and Sydney behind him gives Carmy the extra boost of confidence he needs to get through this speech. 

As he explains each component of the dish, it becomes easier to fake it: fake some confidence, fake that he’s not crumbling inside. Carmy knows how to talk about food so he leans into it, even if it feels like his voice is caught in his throat. It feels like second nature -- like falling into an old pattern he's practiced a thousand times -- as he hides behind his tough, calculating, diligent exterior. But he feels as if he’s just put his open, bleeding heart on a plate, and it's impossible for him not to feel.

Carmy clears his throat before concluding his presentation with, “So thank you again for dining with us this evening. Uh… Chef Sydney has some news she’d uh… we’d like to share with everyone.” 

He thanks the gods that he made it through.

He can’t wait to get out of the spotlight. 

Carmy moves aside, letting Sydney take center stage, and he can feel the blood rush through his head – an almost dizzy-feeling. As he stands next to you, you bump up against his shoulder, giving him some comforting touch, in an effort to ground him.

“Thank you, chef,” Sydney begins, glancing back at Carmy. “And thank you for sharing this dish with us. I know that it’s something you hold close to your heart and our story of The Bear wouldn’t be complete without it.”

The dining room full of people begins clapping once again and it gives Carmy a moment to zip himself back up emotionally. He only reminds himself that he has a few moments left of being in front of people. While he may be an expert at fooling everyone else with his stoic exterior, you can see he’s struggling to hold it together.

“And thank you again to everyone for coming out tonight. We have some really exciting news to share. After putting our heart and soul into The Bear, we are at a point in its journey where we can expand,” Sydney begins, earning a few excited whispers from the room.

“We felt tonight would be the perfect time to announce that we will be opening up a second restaurant – a separate concept that I will be leading as CDC in Chicago. I’m really excited to have this opportunity to develop my own concept with my business partner, Carmen Berzatto, and to lead my own kitchen.”

The entire room erupts with applause once again as the wait staff begin to bring out Carmy’s perfectly plated beef dish. Carmy nods as a signal to you and Syd and you both follow him back into the kitchen. 

“Stay. I’ll go help Marcus,” Sydney says to you, reassuringly.

She rubs a sympathetic hand over Carmy’s upper back before saying, “Good work, chef.”

Sydney hurries over into the prep kitchen to help Marcus plate dessert, while you hang back with Carmy in the hallway. He’s avoiding your gaze and you can tell he’s trying his best not to lose it right then and there. His body is still – frozen in a moment of time. There’s a tension that runs across his chest and into his shoulders that hadn’t been there at the start of the night. He looks like he hasn’t taken a breath since his speech began either. 

“That was really beautiful, Bear,” you say softly. He still won’t look at you, but you understand why.

“Thanks,” he nods curtly. 

There’s a silent tension between the two of you and you know what you need to do next. 

“What do you need?” you ask. 

“Think I uh-, just need a little fresh air,” he mumbles, his voice breaking a little, before clearing his throat again. 

“‘Course. Marcus, Syd and I have got this,” you encourage him. 

You wait as Carmy slips out back for a break, before making your way back into the kitchen. Loving Carmy through his grief sometimes looked different. Some days he’d need space. Other times he’d need you – crawling into your arms and allowing you to care for him. Together, you’ve had to learn how to ask, and he’s had to learn how to tell you what he needs. 

“How’s Carmy?” Sydney asks with a concerned look on her face, causing Marcus to look up from the plate he’s working on. 

“He’s okay. Just needs a break,” you answer. You’re not worried about him. You know how painful that was for Carmy, and you’re more than happy to give him the space he needs to sit with it. 

“What can I do?”

And then Marcus is handing you a few extra plates, asking you to double check his previous count to ensure that every single plate went out in a timely manner. 

Carmy returns about ten minutes later, ready to jump back in. He’d just needed a timeout – a moment to feel the enormous swell of emotions that had come up when talking about Michael to a dining room of eighty people. Soon enough, he’s helping plate the tiny chocolate layer cakes, with an olive oil ice cream, and a tahini caramel drizzled over the top. 

Dessert is the last dish to be brought out, and as Marcus presents, the four of you receive a standing ovation at the James Beard House. It’s like for the first time in a week, Carmy can breathe again. He feels like a one hundred pound weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, and his heart swells with pride over how the night’s gone. Everyone’s liked the food, you all have worked so beautifully as a team this evening, and he can’t believe he got through his fucking speech without crying in front of everyone. 

Entirely exhausted yet filled with a grand sense of accomplishment, the four of you drag yourselves out of the James Beard House and back out onto the streets of NYC. You’re not sure who suggests it, but you’re grateful the idea has been brought up as you’re carrying pizzas you picked up on the way back to the hotel. Piled onto the two full beds in Marcus and Sydney’s room, the four of you can finally celebrate a job well done. 

“Yo, I think I like the Sicilian slice better,” Marcus says, polishing off another piece of the pepperoni and mushroom. 

“Oof,” Carmy sounds, watching your face for your reaction. “You’re playing with fire, Marcus.”

Sydney snorts, “Fuck. We’re finally able to relax. No one kill each other, please.”

“What? We’ve already had the Chicago vs New York pizza debate,” Marcus says, throwing up his hands as if he’s innocent. I know what I’m getting myself into! I’m just sayin’ the Scilian slice is giving mad Chicago vibes and it’s dope.” 

You laugh, shaking your head, while Carmy playfully nudges you. 

“Okay, while pepperoni and mushroom is a classic and you know I have mad respect that, as a New Yorker… hard disagree on your style of pizza, chef,” you say back, starting on a new slice of one of the remaining NY Style pies. 

“You know what’s fucking fire? Pepperoni and jalapenos – pickled, not fresh,” Sydney chimes in and you all reply in a chorus of agreement. 

“Hundred percent,” Carmy says. 

“Never fresh. The sour tangy brine is key,” you add. “At least we can all agree on something. 

“You know what’s fucking wild?” Marcus begins, looking across the three of you. “We made this whole fancy ass meal, yet we’re eating pizza in a hotel room at the end of the night.” 

Carmy laughs dryly, “Yeah, man. It’s kinda par for the course.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Seriously!” Sydney exclaims.

“Speaking of, how was your stage at per se?” you inquire, curious to hear about his experience in the fine dining kitchen. “We barely had time to catch up this morning about it.” 

Truthfully, you’d all been so focused on tonight going well that no one had really talked about it. 

“Man,” Marcus sighs. “It was cool. But like. Now I know what you guys are talking about when you say a chef only let you zest lemons for three months.”

You laugh in response, thinking back to the time blood orange juice caused you an existential crisis. That existential crisis – the one that led you to quitting your job, leaving fine dining behind for good. 

“And it’s like… the whole staff works as a machine. Kitchen’s more like a science lab than a kitchen. I got lucky, huh?” Marcus continues and Carmy shakes his head. 

“Yeah, per se’s a lot like where we used to work,” Carmy says with a shrug. 

“Should’ve seen Alinea. It’s very… science lab meets art school,” Sydney adds. “Inspiring… but cold.” 

“Damn,” Marcus shakes his head, feeling luckier than ever that he got to learn from the three of you instead. 

“Wait. Syd, how was your supper club?” you ask, suddenly remembering that she hadn’t had a chance to tell any of you yet. She had, after all, gotten home late last night, only to get up early to go with Carmy to Chelsea Market. 

“Oh my god,” she gloats. “So fucking cool. Like unreal. You guys have to come with me next time.” 

“I uh-,” she starts again, as if she has a secret. “They actually asked me to come back and do a pop-up dinner, especially with the new restaurant opening. I mean, they want to do a collab with me!”

“Okay, I see you,” Marcus calls out, proud of his friend. 

“Of course they do!” you cheer her on. 

“What do you think, chef?” she asks Carmy, searching for approval in the way his face changes as he hears the news. 

“I think… you’d be silly not to. We’ll work out a time for you to come back up here once we get the new restaurant up and running,” Carmy reassures, respect and pride in his eyes as he exchanges a look with Sydney. 

“And of course, I want you guys back here with me. Like… are we the fuckin’ dream team, or are we the fuckin’ dream team?” Sydney celebrates, reliving the memories of this evening. 

Tonight has been so incredible and Sydney wonders if this is what it feels like to be at the top of your career. She wants to savor the moments of this weekend, replaying them over and over again in her head. 

“Oh 100%,” Marcus confirms with confidence.

“Absolutely,” you promise.

A temporary quiet settles between the four of you as you reflect on the evening. Carmy is quiet again, caught up in his head as he’s filled with a deep sense of gratitude: for all of your hard work, for how well the evening went, for his team. 

You all are his people. 

And he’s never had people before. 

Not until now. 

“Thank you guys. For tonight,” he says, his tone serious. “You guys were rockstars, and... I couldn’t have done it – any of this – without you.” 

“Aw, Carmy,” Sydney smiles, savoring this rare tender moment with Carmy. 

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Marcus reinforces.

“Of course,” you smile proudly. 

You each take a moment to feel it all: accomplishment, the gratitude, the love and genuine respect you all have for each other.

“Not to ruin the moment or anything,” you begin, half apologetically. “If anyone’s up for more fun food debates tomorrow, Carmy and I have a fun little tradition I’d love to share you guys.” 

You and Carmy exchange glances and it’s as if he can read your mind. 

“Walking dumpling tour?” he questions. 

You confirm with a nod. 

“What’s the-?” Marcus begins to ask as Sydney finishes his question with, “... the walking dumpling tour?”

“A fun little thing we used to when we still lived here,” you reply. “Hit up as many dumpling spots as we can in search of the best pork dumplings that Chinatown can offer. Hell, I’ll make up a scorecard and we can rate them.”

“Sounds fun. I’m in,” Marcus says. 

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Sydney agrees. 

Carmy checks the time on his phone. 

“Yo, it’s getting pretty late. We should probably head to bed,” Carmy says to you. 

“Oh shit. It’s almost midnight?” Sydney asks, seeing the time on the hotel room clock. 

“Yeah. Guys, this has been fun. Seriously, great work tonight. I’ve missed this so much,” you sigh, totally satiated. 

“You know there’s always room for you at The Bear,” Marcus says genuinely, before adding, in a more teasing tone, “You can send me your resume and I’ll take a look. Nah I’m just playin’!”

You laugh, playfully rolling your eyes, “Okay, it is definitely bed time.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, goodnight you guys,” Marcus replies.

“Goodnight.”

As you and Carmy leave Sydney and Marcus’ room, it dawns on you that you’re not quite ready to go to bed. While you’re exhausted, and should be in a carb-induced sleepy pizza-coma, you’re wired from the adrenaline of being back in the kitchen. 

“Hey, Carm?” you ask, stopping him as he fumbles with the room key. 

“What’s up?” he asks back. 

You pause for a moment, and as you speak, there’s a certain hesitance in your voice, like it’s the first time you’re asking someone out on a date.

“Do you want a drink?”

He’s caught off guard by your tone of voice, curious to know where this is going. 

“Now?” he asks back with a half-smile plastered to his face.

“Yeah,” you shrug. “I-, I don’t know if I’m ready to go to bed yet.” 

You can see the hesitation on his face as he thinks it through. While Carmy knows there are plenty of bars still open in NYC right now, he’s not sure he wants to leave the hotel. 

And neither do you. 

You offer your hand to him, “C’mon. I’ve got an idea.”

*

“I don’t know if we’re supposed to be here,” Carmy states nervously, looking around the empty room. 

He’s bouncing his knee up and down as he sits on a bar stool, alternating between watching you behind the bar, and looking around to check for anyone who may catch you. The bar itself is poorly lit, save for the pool lights outside, that come flooding in through the large floor to ceiling windows. 

“We’re not,” you reply, without a care in the world.

He lowers his voice before asking, “What if we get caught?”

You giggle, “You are such a baby, Carmen.” 

He rolls his eyes as you search for what you need, pouring the appropriate combination of liquors into an old fashioned glass.

Gin. Campari. Vermouth

After stirring them together over ice, you reach for an orange and y-peeler that the bar is stocked with, shaving off a piece of the orange peel. 

“Besides, isn’t that the fun part?” you ask, a glimmer of mischief flashing across your face. 

Carmy shakes his head, averting his eyes as he brings his hand up to his mouth, “You’re a bad influence on me.” 

You snort in response and it’s your turn to roll your eyes at him. 

“And you love it, my little rule-follower.”

“Relax, Carm. I’m gonna leave $40 behind the bar for what we took and we can go back to the room when I’m done if you’re so worried about it,” you offer as a compromise, the tone of your voice still a rebellious one. 

He has to admit that he finds your devil may care attitude incredibly sexy. Carmy’s not sure whether he’s anxious or turned on right now. 

 “Yes chef,” he finally agrees, cheekily. 

“Lighter, please,” you request.

Carmy pulls his lighter from his pocket, tossing it to you. You catch it, immediately flicking it on, using the flame to torch the orange slice. 

Just a spritz of the orange, and then the rest of the peel for garnish.

You hand Carmy the drink from across the bar, before working on your second one.

He looks down at the deep red colored liquid before saying, “Sweetheart, you know I hate gin.” 

But you’re one step ahead of him. 

Only moments later, you’re stepping around the bar with a second glass of whiskey on the rocks prepared for him. You trade glasses with him, and he can’t take his eyes off of you as you finally say:

“Cheers.” 

Clink. 

“Cheers.”

You both take your respective first sips, making sure to hold eye contact with him as you do. He looks at you, and you’re not sure if he’s more surprised that you haven’t gotten caught or that he’s willfully watched you break into the hotel pool bar. 

“Thought you said we could take these back to the room,” he challenges. 

You smirk, even though your heart is filled with pure adoration for the man standing across from you. 

“Yes, chef.”

It’s an easy choice to take your drinks back to the room, opening the french doors that lead to the terrace. You pull a spare blanket from the hotel room closet, curling up with it outside. You drape the blanket over both you and Carmy as you settle down on his lap. He’s brought his lighter and a cigarette out with you, so you close the french doors behind you so that he can light one up. 

You haven’t stayed up this late with Carmy in a while. It feels good – spontaneous and a little rebellious – like anything could happen at any given moment. New York City always seems to bring this side out in you. 

It’s home. 

But Carmy is also your home. 

Having the two of them here all at once is an indescribable feeling. You enjoy the bitter taste of your negroni, the cool spring air kissing your skin as you sit on your boyfriend’s lap. Carmy enjoys his cigarette, his whiskey sitting on the patio table in front of the two of you, as he exhales the smoke away from you. 

“Does being back here feel… I don’t know. Weird to you?” Carmy asks, breaking the quiet between the two of you. 

It’s like he can read your mind, again.

“Yeah,” you answer. “But it’s a good weird. I think maybe because we have all these memories here, you know?”

He takes another drag off the cigarette and it’s your turn to ask him a question. 

“I wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t spilled your drink on me that night. You think we still would’ve become friends?”

He’s quiet for a moment as he thinks about it. 

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, answering honestly. 

You let out a small laugh. 

“Hell of a way to get a girl’s attention.”

“Wasn’t trying to.”

“Bullshit.”

He’s telling the truth – sort of. He hadn’t been trying to get your attention, though he had spent most of the night racking his brain for any kind of conversation starter – get out of his own fuckin’ head. But he’d spent most of the night overthinking and coming up with reasons not to. He had sort of been your boss back then, after all.

He waits a beat before admitting, “And maybe the only way I would’ve even talked to you that night.”

You hum in response, taking another sip of your negroni. 

“Even then I thought I’d fully fuckin’ blown it.”

“You didn’t,” you say, shaking your head. 

“Uh… yeah I did,” he smiles, shooting you a ‘c’mon’ kind of look. “The first time you ever actually talked to me and… you’re fuckin’ furious. I was terrified.”

You can remember your first real conversation with Carmy fondly – even if it hadn’t been the fondest experience at the time.

“Baby, you ruined my shirt!” you exclaim with a laugh. “I had every right to be mad at you.”

“I wasn’t sure I’d see another day after that,” Carmy recalls, shaking his head. 

“Also. Who drinks a soda the night they get the biggest promotion of their career?” you add, referring to the coke he’d spilled all over you the night he’d gotten promoted to CDC. 

“Pop,” he corrects you. “... is a perfectly normal thing to drink at a bar.”

You roll your eyes playfully, “It’s not. But I love you anyway.”

The staff of the restaurant had wanted to go out and celebrate Carmy’s new position, only Carmy hadn’t seemed like he was in much of a mood for celebrating as he’d refused shots all night. He’d been so nervous to talk to you all night, the recently hired pastry chef, and you’d assumed he hated you considering his cold and stoic demeanor at work seemed to translate to you outside of it as well. He thought for sure he’d blown any chance of getting to talk to you that night, when you accidentally bumped into him and he’d spilled his soda all over you. Your shirt was soaked through, and your friends had rushed in with a spare t-shirt for you to change into. You’d come to find days later that it was Carmy’s shirt that he’d had in his bag.

That soda – and his chivalry that evening –  had set it all in motion.

“After all that, think we’d be here?” he asks, his eyes more like a sad, sweet puppy than ever before.

“No,” you answer honestly with a half smile. “But once I got to know you, I hoped maybe we could get here.”

He sighs, searching for the right words to tell you how he feels. The love you have together is more than he ever thought was possible for himself, and being back here with you has brought up so many memories of not feeling like enough. 

“It kinda feels…” he begins to say, choosing his words carefully. He wants to get it right. “...like. I don’t know. Kinda like we’re going backwards and forwards at the exact same time, you know?” 

You take another sip of your drink, processing what he’s said. He’s nailed it and you just need a moment to sit with his words.

“Yeah,” you sigh, like he’s finally named that thing you hadn’t been able to. “Like our past and our present are colliding or something.”

Carmy nods in agreement, “Yeah.”

You sit together in your comfortable quiet, listening to the sounds of the city below you: sirens, car horns, music from the bodega across the street. 

“I don’t know if I ever told you… how much your friendship meant to me back then. I wasn’t… well, I wasn’t in a great place,” Carmy admits, his eyes piercing and honest with his words. There’s a sadness to him and you wonder if this has been weighing on him over the last few days on top of everything else. 

“I know, sweetheart,” you reply empathetically. 

“I know we’ve talked about…” he trails off, searching for what he wants to say. “... how much we mean to each other now. But you meant so much to me back then too. I don’t-, I don’t know if I ever told you.” 

“Carmy,” you say, your heart swelling with love for the sad mess of a man whose arms you’re wrapped up in. “You didn’t need to. I-, I knew because… because you meant so much to me back then too.” 

He pauses, wondering if he should keep going, and coming to the conclusion that he wants to – not for your sake, but for his. 

Because he wants to tell you. 

“When we met… I wasn’t… planning on letting anyone in,” he continues. 

“Hmmm, didn’t notice,” you joke with him. 

He gives your hips a squeeze, causing you to giggle as you snuggle a little closer to him, hugging the blanket around the both of you. 

“I thought for sure I didn’t need anyone. Sure as hell didn’t want anyone. Had gone so long without someone to-. It just didn’t make sense for me anymore.”

You listen quietly, wanting him to give him the space to say what he needs to say. 

“You know, my sister used to say, she used to tell me that one day I’d wake up and I’d need someone. Someone other than Mikey and his friends – the kids I grew up with. And I didn’t believe her. And then he cut me out and-. And I got really fuckin’ good at it. At the food. At being alone….”

And then you came along.

“But you didn’t push me… you didn’t ask me to be anyone that I-. You just… let me be me… even if I didn’t give you much to work with at first. I think… Sugar was right. I needed a friend back then… and you were always a friend. Are always… It’s why I love you.” 

You’re grinning, and you’re also so, so proud of him – how far he’s come – to be able to tell you all of this. 

You lean over to set your drink down on the patio table. You only have one thing to say him, as you hold his head between both of your hands:

“I’m so in love with you, Bear.”

*

read: chapter three

a/n: the above first conversation/meeting that carmy x reader talk about WILL be written for my 'make my heart surrender' prequel everyone buckle up for the will-they-won't-they bc we all know THEY WILL

taglist: @allthefandomstogether @gaysludge @sobshoney @harrysmatcha @starbritestarlite @tpwkkmila @cool-girl-is-hot @nunya7394 @galaxyprincess51-blog @carmensberzattos

[jellycreamjammedart]

More post-betrayal ruin redemption headcanons yall

Other headcanons: x x

Cassie occasionally gets mild dizzy spells after somewhat physically taxing tasks, likely resulting from having hit her head in the elevator drop. They're mild and usually last only a few minutes at a time.

In those moments, M.X.E.S locks her out of the vanni mask as the AR world can prolong the dizziness with one in such more weary condition. It also discourages Helpi from talking to her through the implant during those moments.

Additionally, M.X.E.S no longer needs the inhibitors to restrict Cassie's vanni mask controls-- after she offered her mask as a new security node, M.X.E.S achieved further incorporation into it, like Helpi. It tends to restrict her mask controls now only with her best interest, such as to prevent her from using it during dizzy spells.

As it appears that Helpi would get tampered with several times (yellow eyes, pulsing vein,) mostly likely by the Mimic pretending to be Gregory. However, with M.X.E.S now also incorporated into the mask, it prevents the Mimic from pulling the same stunt, effectively securing Helpi from future tampering. As a result, his misleading and gaslighting was reduced by a huge notch if not nulled completely, as those instances weren't really him. Unfortunately his sassiness is all his. M.X.E.S has had to become intimately familiar with it now.

Chica has her voice back, thanks to Cassie! She also functions slightly better (as in not randomly powering down,) since Cassie went out of her way to dig and pull all the trash, rotten food, and goo off Chica's body and endoskeleton, as all the accumulated junk in her inner components were interfering with her functions.

Not only you can find Monty's legs in that hidden Monty shrine, but also his sunglasses and even his bass (formerly Bonnie's, as we've learned by now.) For now there's not much to do about his legs because reattaching them back to him require a complex level of repair that they just don't have the means to achieve in their current situation. But gator boy is very happy to have his sunglasses back, and his bass for the emotional value it has even though he can't play it in his current condition. It's the best Monty has felt in a long while now.

While Roxy prided in her appearance, and yes she's upset she hardly resembles who she was, she doesn't dwell on it as much as she used to, far more concerned about her twice no.1 daughter child. But she still greatly appreciates when Cassie lets her know she's still pretty in her eyes.

That can literally be seen with the vanni mask, with Cassie seeing Roxy exactly as she was with holographic filling even through her ruined state.

In fact, that phenomenon gradually spreads over to the other robots as well with holographic filling over their missing parts, seemingly based on how much Cassie bonds with each of them.

In the AR vision, Chica gets her beak back, as well as her hair crest and bow, over her most exposed endo leg/foot, and an entire holographic arm where the physical one is missing and holographic casing over her endo arm; She also gets an holographic eye in place of the one she donated to Roxy.

Monty doesn't get his legs or tail but his entire upper body gets his former pristine holographic looks.

Prototype Glamrock Freddy no longer disappears in the AR world, gets holographic casing over his endo hands as well as his exposed endo foot, then his stomach hatch lids filling in the broken parts and highlighting the bolt pattern, and lastly an entire holographic Glamrock Freddy head (which allows him slightly better communication with Cassie with the mask on, even if mostly through facial expressions and body language since he still can't speak.)

The Daycare Attendant has Sun's sunrays filling the broken parts in with holographic bits, holographic bell at the tip of Moon's cap as well as more holographic bells on his wrists, holographic casing filling in over his hands and an holographic leg filling over his most exposed one.

Bonnie doesn't really fit this phenomenon since he's technically not missing parts, he's just busted as hell. He does however get an holographic filling on his chest highlighting the star symbol he's supposed to have there, and curiously, an holographic earring where his physical one's missing, matching Freddy's earring (the "You & me forever and ever" got me ok.)

[techploration]

A Cascading Fix

The floating garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean a huge ongoing issue. Plastic is the worst offender (and no it’s not all drinking straws and plastic bags— it’s mostly discarded fishing nets). Skimming would be too costly and unrealistic (it’s country sized— big country). Plus is almost a biome at this point— you couldn’t scoop out the trash without also scooping animals/eggs/plants basically causing more havoc trying to clean it up.

So what do you turn to? Bacteria

So this area has been in active research for 25+ years as the ultimate solution to dealing with plastic waste.

Should be great right? The lifespan of a bottle in a landfill falls from centuries to weeks in a vat. It’s such an alluring goal that people gloss over the path

Brute forcing thousands upon thousands of mutations on an enzyme that specializes in breaking down hydrocarbons sounds wildly risky.

Because what if you get one that does too well?

Future Forecaste

Silicon Valley Tech Bro Billion wants to try and improve his image as a part of the private jet class by holding a big public competition for innovative solutions for the garbage patch. Encourages all of his tech bro buddies to pitch their ideas. Billionaire promises to fund a pilot project for the top idea.

What wins out? Bacteria

And they apply the Facebook ‘move fast and break things’ philosophy to brute forcing mutations. Garbage patch is in international waters, so no approval (or oversight) to go and test your ideas.

In fact, with being out in the middle of the ocean, you can build your lab right on a boat and sail out there. And test your iterations right there. In the ocean. Why test on a simulated garbage patch when the real one is right there?

Success! A strain that breaks down plastics in a short timeframe in the cold of the ocean! Your test site quickly goes from floating landfill to. something?

The enzymes broke the plastic into component nutrients. So you now have effectively dumped a whole flood of nutrients into the water. Kinda like dumping fertilizer

Cool. So now you you have turned garbage patch into the Great Pacific Algal Bloom and Dead Zone

And the bacteria isn’t staying put. Oceans have a way of moving things, and you just built a hardy sailor with a plentiful food supply.

The bacteria makes it to shore and suddenly, plastic isn’t permanent. Plastic isn’t safe in water. Every seal and gasket is now prone to failure. There is a rush to figure out which types of plastics are susceptible, which are resistant. New plastics with bacteria resistance are developed.

But that’s not even going to be the biggest issue

We’ve Got a Fuel Pox on our Hands

If it likes to eat plastic know what it’ll love? Gasoline and any other hydrocarbon

This bacteria would essentially turn gas into soy sauce. Think about fuel rotting

Suddenly world’s energy supply is at risk. Fear of contamination becomes the oil and gas industry’s number one concern. Gas becomes an even more precious commodity, and is only used when application demands. The industry takes on surgical level of cleanliness.

Meanwhile other people are prepping ‘Kombucha’ for their local pipeline

[bengiyo]

She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat 2 Eps 1-4 Stray Thoughts

The lesbian sister to WDYEY is back and I am so ready to see these two get deeper into their romance. They had barely started when we left.

Episode 1

THEM. I missed Yuki and Kasuga as much as I missed Shiro and Kenji.

Love that both WDYEY and SLTCSLTE are struggling with inflation.

God this rice bowl looks great.

Ladies, I know food is pricey lately but you cannot sacrifice these meals together. This is an important aspect of your relationship. Can we just discuss modifying the menu??

I love the work bestie. She cuts through the noise and calls it what it is. Nomoto is lonely because she stopped hanging out with the person she's falling for.

Kasuga is definitely not moving out. You see that TV and chair? She's settled. I love her because she does everything real big.

Yes! Have a mochi party! You both like hanging out together!

I was into the mochi pizza concept until they added corn. No thanks

Smash cutting into Nomoto fighting off the itis is exactly what I hoped for in the mochi party.

They're both so tentative with each other, but at least the fondness is obvious.

Episode 2

Wow they captured all of lesbian film discourse in one tweet. The only part they missed was a comment about it being a period piece.

Of course she's gonna watch this film from her kitchen table with a tablet. I get it but you have a friend with an enormous TV.

Baby's first gay film. It'll do that to you. I'm fairly certain my first film was Get Real (1998). I'm not sure what my first lesbian one was. It's either Chasing Amy (1997), But I'm a Cheerleader (1999) or Pariah (2011).

Oh good. Nomoto and Sayama were both offered positions. I was worried they'd be outted against each other.

We have a young woman who just moved in who has a bunch of quality ingredients and no idea what to do with them..she looks a bit disheveled and tired. She is in the lesbian food drama. Oh yeah. It's all coming together.

This was really excellent. The imagery of all this raw potential in the new tenant via her ingredients she doesn't know how to use, with Kasuga's ability to move them around, and Nomoto's ability to find a way to turn it into something delicious. I am ready.

Yes, Kasuga! Suggest meal dates! Nomoto's eyes dilate every time!

Episode 3

I like Sayama a lot. I appreciate that they have her pursuing het romance so I don't have to wonder about romantic tension between her and Nomoto.

There's such a huge demisexual component to Nomoto that I really love.

Wow, it's actually so unexpected to see a romance say that the big swells of emotion in film don't match the experience some of us are having. This is how I've felt my entire life.

Nagumo, you have two women who live alone who want to feed you. You gotta let them in, girl.

Kasuga is always so direct about how much she enjoys spending time with Nomoto.

I love Kasuga so much. She asked Nomoto how to receive the news about her new project at work and didn't assume.

I like these two admitting that they like their lives right now.

Episode 4

I love that Nomoto is doing research now that she knows how to describe her feelings.

I'm so invested in these cabbage rolls you have no idea. I need Nagumo to eat one.

450 yen is not bad for that amount of food! Food is so expensive in America!

I'm losing it over this sushi mat business.

I'm worried about Nagumo! She doesn't seem unloved by her family, but she's clearly going through it!

Nagumo is a gamer, and she put her fridge on the opposite wall Kasuga and Nomoto did.

The Japanese really snapped when they decided that soup was a requirement of most meals.

These rolls look delicious.

I hope the friend on Twitter gets revealed.

I love these two so much, and I'm glad we have 20 episodes if this is the romantic pace we're moving at! I like them balancing the challenges of maintaining their dynamic in the changing world, and I like that they were both willing to invite someone else into their space. I especially love that Kasuga encouraged the young woman to be safe and watch out for herself. I can't wait for their romance to be out in the open and for the new neighbor to comment on it.

[rmorde]

Trigun Manga Reaction

Here we go! Chapter 8 Volume... Huh?

Voulme 2? I thought this is still Volume 1. Am I tripping?

Anyway! Just a moment of appreciation for this parody page of he cover.

This while thing is so "busy" yet it still make sense. There's so many elements layering on top of each other. It should be a confusing mess. However, I can still easily pick out the four components that tells a story.

Component 1: Vash as a happy salary man being served a drink by a geisha (judging from the hairstyle and accessory) with shadowed eyes on the opposite end of the page.

Component 2: BDN at the dead center. The text makes it a bit difficult to confirm if he has a top knot, but he definitely is rocking a traditional Japanese look. He looks menacingly at Vash as he drinks.

Component 3: Meryl and Milly running in a hurry but for two clearly different purposes. Meryl looks like a traditional restaurant staff frantically trying to serve a lot of guests. Meanwhile, Milly doesn't look she's working anywhere near the food service industry with her get up and the tool that she has on hand.

Component 4: The Bad Lads drinking in celebration while an ambulance seems to be sounding its sirens as it parked near them.

Look. I may seem to be too obsessed with this gag page but it's crazy how its a fucking busy mess that still works at telling a cohesive story!

With just this two page drawing, I can infer easily that someone is in danger and may need to be hospitalized - so the ambulance was called and asked to stand by. Milly is probably the heroine about to save the day with the overworked yet eager to help Meryl. The party the Bad Lads are having is a big distraction at a possible murder attempt starring Vash as the victim, the geisha as the accomplice, and BDN as the mastermind.

I'M SORRY BUT HOW THE FUCK?!!!

And don't get me started on the scaling of each figure and the silhouettes. Just... I'll just repeat, Nightow is amazing for how pretty AND technical his drawing is. It's so clean. Wow...

Sorry for getting derailed. So, back to the chapter.

Ok. I lied. Let me just appreciate Winter Mery and Milly here. I love them so much and they so fucking cute here with their dynamic pose... solid silhouette... Clean fucking lines... Sorry... Give me a minute!!!

Sigh~

Interesting. So, '98 rearranged the sequence of events here. This happened a bit later... which I think is better. It adds more impact on Vash's duel against BDN.

These guys are no stormtrooper shooters. They having really good aim!

They didn't hit Vash. Okay. Maybe the tails of his coat now have fresh bullet holes, but aside from that, Vash is fairly intact. The Bad Lads have great accuracy.

This is an intriguing way of drawing a spinning gun. It's simple but effective in visually communicating that that is what BDN is doing. A good choice. Thinking about it... If three twirling guns in a blur of circles were drawn, it would be too distracting and BDN will be overwhelmed in the panel.

Cool foreshortening. Incredible detail on the filigree. And a bonus Goofy Face Vash!

So so fucking glad '98 was faithful to the manga with these scenes. Meryl and Milly were such badasses here.

Huh... Well that's a huge difference. There's not much:

GASP! It'S VaSH tHe STampeDE!

vASh ThE StAMpEdE?!

VASH THE STAMPEDE!!!

It can get a bit much... sometimes in '98. So, this is refreshing.

WHAT...

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?!!!

So, those lines by Miss Purple Avenger from the filler episode were originally from BRILLIANT DYNAMITES NEON?!

I-

Oooohhh.... Pretty art... Wait no... I can't distracted. I'm mad!

I'M VERY VERY MAD!!!

OML! This is much more intense! IT ADDS SO MUCH WEIGHT TO THE DUEL!

Oh my goodness... This nuance... WHY WAS THIS CHANGED?!

Not to say that Miss Purple Avenger and the episode featuring her was bad. It was actually great! Her version of July was nightmare inducing... and her confrontation with Vash was truly tragic too but.... Uhm...uh... AAHHHH!!!! I CAN'T CHOOSE! THEY'RE BOTH GOOD!

Oh... break my heart into fucking pieces will you huh?!

LOOK AT THESE! Manga Vash getting cheered on by the people! People were supporting him! He is being treated nicely as he deserved.

Even in '98! It was not as overt at this page. However, that scene of the captain from the beginning of this chapter replaced these panels instead and is just as effective. '98 Vash has people believing the good in him.

TRISTAMP VASH WAS ROBBED!!! HE NEVER HAD THESE!!! That poor precious boy! The few precious people who supports him only showed up near the end... and... and...

Now getting even more upset again with the Jeonora Episodes in Tristamp!

It's so not fair!

Oooh. A cinematic page!

HOLY SHIT!!! THESE PAGES ARE AMAZING!

I can't believe this. This fight is better in the manga!

I am not dissing Studio Madhouse for what they've done tho. The '98 Duel was epic too! They did great! But all these crazy angles and perspectives in the manga just elevate the overall awesomeness of the gunfight. It's just more immersive.

Tbf to the '98 anime, this is a nightmare to animate faithfully. With the technology and techniques at the time, this would be so difficult to pull off beautifully - going topsy turvy in one smooth motion for two characters at the same time in a fight scene with a complicated moving background? Yeah... The animation staff would go insane. It's totally understandable that they simplified this duel into extreme close ups and strong facial + gun drawings instead.

I hope Studio Orange re-hashes this fight in some way tho... or does the Episode 1 duel count?

Sigh... With the my discovery that Miss Purple Avenger's lines were actually BDN's, and that the outrage towards Vash for not remembering anything about July belongs to the Bad Lads', these words have become so much more meaningful.

It's also now more effective at convincing me that Brilliant Dynamites Neon have hidden depths.

Oh... Ow... The detailing here is just ow for the hands of an artist. Perhaps I overreacting, but those fine lines in the crooks and crannies make me wince.

Once again tag responses:

@revenantghost

Yeah. The more I see his work, the more I'm awed by his skills. That's a cool detail that his design incorporate realism. I thought the glasses are for the light tho? But maybe it's like those the Olympian gunners wore during the competition?

The dead REALLY haunting the narrative? Looking forward to it!

@takeshidude

Ok. Monthly publication are still grueling but at least its not as nightmarish with weekly mangakas. No wonder the quality is consistent with the art. Nightow was allowed to breathe.

You make a good point. '98 did have a bit of a mystery woven into it. We know Vash the Stampede - we follow his misadventures and people kept saying who he is ad nauseam in every episode. However, we don't really know know him for quite a long time. It's a different, but no less interesting, spin to the story.

Which kinda explains I'm misremembering some scenes and characterizations? The last third of '98 made a long lasting impression that I kinda forgot about Vash's horn dogginess.

[halfetirosie]

🥥🤤🍖 Damn it, now I'm hungry... 🍖🤤🥥

(Exercise 14 - 16 React-os!)

1) Ah, yes, a man a few words... 😅

I mean, to be fair, I assume Quincy has only ever participated in purely physical contests, so he might not know that he's supposed to elaborate?

---I'm not the only one that read that a "magikarp" for a second, right??

Rei must still be suffering from the Pokemon Curse--first I misread his real name as "Jolteon," and now this! 😅😅😅

2) EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!!!! 🤢🤢🤢

YOOOOO WTF?!?!?! (⊙ ᗣ ⊙)

I assume that this must be similar to how people will eat octopus tentacles, which still move after death? BUT I WOULDN'T EAT THOSE EITHER!!!! Dead things should stay dead!!!!!----And I think my gag reflex would jump into overdrive if my food starting moving around in my mouth!!!!!!

Poor Eiden is fighting for his life here, stretching as far as he can to find something nice to say about this meal from HELL!!!!!

3) Vegetarian surprise!

(I thought the veggies would be a side-dish or a component of the meal, not the entire meal.)

At first I thought, "What do you mean by 'the limits of nutrition'? Is there such a thing as too much nutrition???"

But then I remembered that, YES, that is a very real thing! Consuming too much of a certain vitamin/mineral in a short time frame can actually be super dangerous to your health!

(I only remembered this because of a video essay I saw a while ago about a corrupt company in...I think South Korea??...whose upper executive would sometimes force employees to take huge amounts of vitamins, which made them get diarrhea/puke. It's fucked up.)

4) NEVER IN MY LIFE HAS THE EMOTIONAL_PIANO.MP3 BEEN SO TERRIFYING!!!!

Kuya continuing to reach new levels of evil; weaponizing Garu and Yaku's goodwill and cuteness against Eiden!!! 😈

Foxy Grandpa for sure put some of his weird-ass magic on the meal, like that tea that causes hiccups. 100%.

🤦‍♀️ Yup, it figures. That was a bit too obvious...

But fuck, Garu's sincerity here is too muchhhhh!!! How has he gotten this far and still trust Kuya's bullshit????

5) HELL YEAH, IT'S THE WORKAHOLIC DREAM TEAM!!!

I said it before but I'll say it again; these dudes are coordinated as fuck!!! They're giving such a damn professional presentation of their dish without missing a beat---like they rehearsed it!!! (Honestly, I bet they did.)

LOOK AT HIS SMUG GRIN!!!!

HE'S TOO GODDAMN CUTE!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡

6) Edmond, my love, I hate to break it to you, but...

....there is NO WAY IN HELL that anyone else will want to consume that "special honey sauce." ♡♡♡

....Scratch that---I don't think they'd even be capable of consuming that sauce at all!

If he can smell the sauce from a distance, then WHAT IN GOD'S NAME is in that sauce????

IS IT JUST HONEY WITH EVEN MORE SUGAR ADDED INTO IT???

....Don't answer that. I'm getting a cavity just think about it....

7) Awwww, look at them all pampering Garu!!!

Rei might deny it, but he really does live up to his nickname of "Big Bro Rei!" It's adorable!!!

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

8) Peepaw Kuya back at it again with his sensitive palate! 😂😂😂

And Olivine is seriously too nice!!!

9) OH SHIT!!!!

🚨🚨🚨PEACEFUL YAKU/DANTE INTERACTION!!! 🚨🚨🚨

WHERE DANTE ISN'T ACCIDENTALLY MAKING YAKUMO GET STRESSED OR CRY!!!!

Is this the first chill interaction we've seen of these two so far, or am I not remembering a different one? Whatever---

All the Yaku/Dante shippers rejoice!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

Shoutout again to From the Earth, Necatar, which lives in my head rent-free!

10) Not gonna lie, I'm pretty disappointed that we didn't get to witness Quincy grill...

I guess Dante's too proud to give up his role as Grill Master; instead Quincy's in charge of "crackin open a cold one with the boys!"

....Unrelated, but I'm not the only one that expected Quincy to break open the coconuts with his bare hands, right?

11) HELL YEAH, MY BELOVED "PESKY LITTLE FIEND" WON THIS ROUND!!!!

I mean, I knew he would, but the confirmation feel nice. :D

12) !!! Oh??? 😮

Have we ever seen Karu's face look that scared before??? I feel like we haven't, or it's at least been a while!

13) Their bickering is as charming as ever---

It's a little hard to tell, since Danteis up to his Tsundere Bullshit™ and hell-bent on victory, but I'm pretty sure he's having the time of his life right now.

In fact, I think Dante's competitiveness is a sure-sign of that. Getting caught up in a silly contest is his way of having fun, you know?

It's like when he kept competing with Edmond at the festival games during Chase the Rainbow. He gets himself immersed/invested in something inconsequential, and has a good-ass time!!!

(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

14) Honestly, this part completely went over my head at first... 😅

I honestly don't know if Eiden's response was enough to confirm that he's secretly on Dante's team. Hell, I haven't even been theorizing about what Eiden's team might be or what his secret conditions are.

Usually I might've been trying to figure it out, but I feel like we've been given absolutely no clues in the story so far...Also, I have been hella busy lately---that's why my reaction posts have been slower lately---so I'm quite low on brain juice.

Idk man! This event is just so laid back, I don't feel the need to try so hard to figure it out. 🤷‍♀️

I'm just here to have a good time!

ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

🍖 End of report! 🍖

[sweetsmellosuccess]

Love Lies Bleeding

Dir. Rose Glass

In Rose Glass’ version of the American Southwest, light pollution is non-existent. Instead, the inky blackness of the night sky is pockmarked perfectly with glittering points of distant stars and planets. It’s a beautiful, unspoiled tableau, standing in marked contrast to the all the griminess of the humans back on terra firma, their hopelessly complicated and messy interweavings casting a pall on those things within the Earth’s gravitational pull. 

It’s that sort of pull that draws feckless gym manager, Lou (Kristin Stewart), to vagabond bodybuilder Jackie (Katy O’Brian), new to the small New Mexico town more or less run by corrupt gun runner Lou Sr. (Ed Harris, sporting a low ring of long hair that makes him look like comic book store owner), who also happens to be Lou’s estranged father. 

Lou and Jackie bond very quickly  —  Lou’s pronounced queerness offering precious few options beyond the mewling propositions of fellow gym-worker Daisy (Anna Baryshnikov), whose teeth are rutted with yellow stains  — and very adroitly (the sex scenes between them are less about nudity and more about explicit context), just in time for other complications to set upon them. Jackie was in town only as a waystation for her eventual trip up to Vegas for a huge body-building competition, but she quickly gets pulled into Lou’s wobbly orbit, as her sister, Beth (Jena Malone), deals with the horrendous abuse heaped upon her by her husband, JJ (Dave Franco, with an applause worthy mullet). 

When JJ finally goes too far, and lands his wife in the hospital with facial injuries, Lou’s fury translates to Jackie’s now-steroid-addled sense of justice, which she goes to enact on JJ’s leering visage. Now embroiled in the aftermath of her vengeance, Lou and Jackie have to navigate the tricky pathways around, and eventually to Lou’s father’s mansion ensconced up in the hills. 

Glass, whose previous debut feature, Saint Maud, was a marvel of psychological complexity and restraint, has fully embraced the pulpy nature of the material (from a script penned by Glass and Weronika Tofilska), a kind of modern noir, set against a backdrop of queerness (reminiscent, ever so slightly, of the Warchowski’s Bound), and studded with some of Glass’s more enigmatic, lyric visual totems (close ups of giant insects, frequent cutaways to glowing red portraits of some of the principles haunting the drug-addled mind of Jackie). 

There is also a visceral component to Glass’s vision: In one early scene, a fully-clothed Lou, lying on her stomach on a ragged couch, masterbates, as her cat slips between her slightly raised feet to nosh on some microwaved leftovers still on their plastic tray; in another, Lou, who smokes like a Harry Dean Stanton character, uses the smoke in her lungs as a kind of wispy sexual prop. Everything feels grubby and vaguely soiled, the endless detritus  —  from plastic food trays, to empty glass Steroid vials, to the forlorn emotional longing of characters whose lives are little to no consequence to anyone else  —  of human existence crowded around the characters miens like loose particles of ore around a magnet. 

The problem is, grotty isn’t a personality: Too many of Glass’s characters, including Lou and Jackie, are flattened out stand-ins for noir tropes: Both have mysterious backgrounds of violence, but are never illuminated beyond the immediate needs of the plot, which holds precious few surprises, beyond Glass’s more adventurous flights of lyric fancy (a scene near the end plays out as fantasy-fulfillment in a way that is particularly jarring). In some ways, the character’s domiciles  —  Lou’s cluttered apartment, the sweat-soaked gym where they meet  — are more articulated than the characters themselves. 

As such, as much as Stewart and O’Brian lean into their roles, we really don’t know enough about them to be moved by their relationship, one way or the other. Without caring about them, the film loses a lot of steam, so that by the climactic showdown between Lou and her father, the stakes feel far too minimal to make an impact. Other than fulfilling the basic tenets of narrative closure, there isn’t a lot of flame to the film’s ubiquitous cigarette smoke. 

[anaalnathrakhs]

it fucking breaks my heart i've been killing myself for months trying to repair my relationship w my parents and the three of us are just fucking deficient human beings. we're incapable of changing we're fucking incapable of it there's no going back everything was set from the moment i was born. they never should've had a child, but what the fuck could i blame on them? once the kid is here you just do your best you can't just decide it was a bad idea and get rid of it. they did their best. there's no good way to deal with a fucked up child. but holy fuck i wish i wasnt just idk born wrong. i wish life didn't suck and wasn't so hard. i wish when my mom said she'd take more time for family and relaxing she didn't go back to working until 8pm at least every day in the following month, but there's realities pushing her to. i wish when we saw each other we had things to do rather than just stare at each other awkwardly. i can't ever do anything because everything impacts my parents. and god knows i owe them to stop impacting them so much i did enough shit already. i can't enjoy a trip out with them because then we go home and it's MORE incredibly unsatisfactory socializing and forced eating lest they look at me like a monster. i can't leave because then it's WE leave not I leave. i can't just live my life after school because i have to be back to have the terrible binge-inducing dinner with them else i'm a fucking monster who makes them stay awake and worry at night. i have to make them aware of my every move because else they're gonna worry, i can't do that to them i have no valid reason to. i can't ever relax. i have no safe place anymore. there's always food in the house, we always have to go grocery shopping the same day and fill up the pantry. i can't buy anything substantial or component of a "normal" meal because then they just sit there while my mom never uses them despite knowing about them the whole time. there's been bricks of soup in the pantry for like two months she hasn't even MENTIONNED CONSIDERING THEM for the whole time. we bought, and i mean WE bought, WE took a couple canned vegetables from the shelves and we said good idea and we put them in the cart, and then she NEVER used them until i desperately broke the agreement that i was not to have control over what's for dinner and suggested we could perhaps maybe eat the food we had bought to eat, and she was like yeah sure great idea! we ate one can, and then for WEEKS afterwards we still don't touch any of the other cans. she keeps adding and adding and adding a billion things to every meal it makes me wanna rope. she keeps putting huge slabs of butter in pasta MOTHER it tastes the same except it's gross and five billion calories now can you stop doing that thanks. i've had my parents pretty much at my will for many many things all of my life, because they're completely floating in the meaningless void on what it means to be a parent, and it's just not healthy in ways i cannot possibly wholly imagine, and now we're stuck in some sort of circle that if i don't DEMAND something it's like i never said anything. but i can't DEMAND things because that is not a control a kid should have over their own parents and there's no nuance of possible things it's either they'll bend over backwards for even the most ill-advised demand or they will not budge an inch for the most structured three-parted argument doubled with the plead of my failing mental health even if it has demonstrably not worked before, and i certainly do not want to have a relationship with ANYONE where they feel forced to act a certain way because of me. and it's been so weird having developped this kind of very marked independance on like, DRIVE, while i was a neet, that now that i'm older and more legitimate to slowly leave the nest it feels incredibly weird and bad to entrap myself more closely instead.

so i keep trying to give them the elements of what consequences this or that thing has on me, and letting them evaluate themselves what they value, and so far the result has been that they don't give a shit about making me suffer, and they're completely cool with watching me act like i'm coked up in public bc i'm in pain or about to jump out of my skin in fearful anticipation of the next meal. i can handle myself all day and literally just ramble a little under my breath when we're going home at 9pm because it helps with the pain, and they're like "WHAT NOW we say something and you start sighing, what the hell did we do wrong this time??" which i guess is their genuine answer to the situation so i got what i wanted, i didn't control their reactions, but i guess it's pretty disappointing anyway.

and i can't really tell them because hey, how is that conversation gonna go? mom, dad, living with you is unbearable, all of my life you've done nothing but hurt me despite your best loving intentions, and i honestly don't think we're ever gonna fully repair that. cheers. i can't fucking do that to them. i've been the worst child to deal with my entire life i can't do that i just have to hold on until i move out anyway. it itches SO BAD to hurt them to blame them to throw every nasty thing i've ever wanted to yell at them to push them down the stairs and run away in the middle of the night. but i can't because they've done their best. genuinely. i wouldn't have handled it better if i had to parent kid-me. i don't think there's any right answer to a situation like that. i just can't wait until i can live for myself and not for walking around eggshells being the normal kid my parents never got to have now that i can force myself to. it feels like i try my best to give them respect and foster a good mutually-trusting relationship with them, and they don't give back anything different in return. and i do think part of that is that i'm WAAAAAY too in my own head about it and i have massive "nobody is allowed in the kitchen when i'm there" syndrome except my entire existence is the kitchen and anything i do besides "staying the usual unshowered neet disappointment in my room" being seen by my parents feels to me like if walking around naked in public. like how people ask out as a joke, like HA you really believe you could be more than a depressed piece of shit, but you're really nothing more than a pathetic failure barely keeping up the mask of a normal person. and that is totally my responsability to deal with except idk seems like every time i step out it turns out to be a disaster. and the coming down is even harsher, having to turn back into some featureless zombie picking and choosing what interests are undisruptive and inoffensive enough for me to tell my parents about it. i havent even managed to try to get into a sport club because the thought of my parents knowing this and that about my schedule and knowing i do sports and what sports i do and perhaps asking about it just makes my skin crawl. and i can't be spending their money, and i don't have a job, so.

they wont leave me the hell alone, and i can't refuse else i just become defined by my avoidance of them. it's rotting in my bed without any of the recharging. i don't fucking want to eat dinner with them, but else WHAT DO I DO? the kitchen is upstairs, upstairs is where they are, especially during dinner time but also they can hear i'm there if they're awake at home. and i owe them to spend that time bonding w them since we never did, and it's pretty much the only time my mom is home. i don't want to go with them to random events i don't really care about, because they're unenjoyable anyway since they're followed by MORE proximity and shit, but i kinda have to because i owe them that after i was nothing but a fucking emotional leech for my entire life, and also if i don't go to these events with them i go NOWHERE, cf the problem with my parents seeing anything about me mentionned above.

you might notice i've been saying "they" the whole time, rest assured, i mean my mom, or the united parental authority driven by my mom. i barely even have a dad anyway, i have a guy who lives in the same house and comes when my mom calls family reunion time, but spends his entire time every day following his own intellectual pursuits while floating through every actualy physical situation he's in. he barely listens. he barely reacts. he's not stupid or wholly incompetent, he functions alone pretty well, but in most situations in life he just stands to the side and goes "damn" whenever anything would require a reaction. i'm not really sure he fully realizes (or cares) that his actions impact other people. it scares me to be like him. i know how similar i am to him, and i really really hope i don't end up hurting anyone by being like that.

[sugartitstownley]

HC’s for Post Option C Trikey

Hey, everyone! This is nothing too formal or well written— just some thoughts put down. All mistakes are mine because I didn’t reread this at all. Trigger warnings for mentions of violence and canon compliant themes. Here’s some Trikey + a bit of Amanda/Mike/T friendship.

Michael and Amanda’s divorce is rather amicable despite years of prior arguing.

Neither want to admit their marriage is over—both worried about the kids’ reactions. But they know it’s in everyone’s best interest.

Amanda moves out of the house, opting for a beach front property like she once asked Michael for months before.

Mike decides to stay at the house for now, even if it reminds him of what a lonely, washed-up jock he really is.

It doesn’t matter, though, because he’s never home. Instead, he spends his time at the movie studio, threatening actors and crew alike (because old habits die hard, right?).

If he accidentally hits too hard and the actor just doesn’t wake up…well, who can blame him?

The rest of his time is spent in the company of Franklin, Trevor, and Lamar.

“Jesus, sugar tits. You finally have time for us outside of kissing Solomon Richards’ ass.”

“Oh, bite me, T,” Michael says, rolling his eyes as he slides into the backseat of Franklin’s car. “I’ve been busy doing my job on set.”

“Well, sorry! I didn’t realize I was in the presence of a huge celebrity.”

Franklin slams on the brakes, the car coming to a halt in front of the stoplight. “Man, if y’all two don’t shut the fuck up, I’m dropping you both off.”

In hindsight, maybe things don’t seem that different between him and Trevor after The Big One. But he knows something has changed.

Trevor’s insults and quips don’t pack as much punch; they don’t leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

And Michael? Well, he stops regulates how many times he calls his former running buddy a psycho.

Their tentative friendship rebuilds for the most part, but there’s still an added component that neither party wants to speak aloud. That, or maybe it was a returning feeling resurfacing from their youth.

Either way, Michael tries to let it go and focus on making himself semi-happy for once. However, he doesn’t factor in until later that maybe he’s been so damn unhappy for the last 10 years because of a certain murderous, incest-loving hipster.

Michael feels his heart jump out of his skin as he turns around to see Trevor leaning against the glass outside of his house. He watches Trevor give a small salute before walking over to let the taller man in.

“You can’t knock on the front door like a normal human being?” Michael asks, his voice dripping with mild annoyance. “What am I saying? Of course you can’t.”

“For your information, pork chop,” Trevor starts, walking straight past Michael to look through his fridge, “I do this to keep you young— keep you on your toes.”

He watches Trevor pull out the soup container they made a few days prior while hanging out. Like a reflex, he opens the drawer and pulls out two spoons while they wait for it to heat up in the microwave.

“Yeah, whatever. What are you even doing here anyway?”

“Can’t a guy come see his best friend without there being a reason? Not all of us are looking to gain something from their relationships, sugar.”

Michael sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “God, T. When are you going to let it go? Just once I’d like to spend time with you without thinking of our past. I said I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Trevor’s eyes find his, and surprisingly, there’s nothing but understanding in them. They hold each other’s gaze a moment too long until the microwave’s beeps fill the quiet room.

Their companionship settles into a routine that even surprises Michael himself. Food will be cooked together, movies will be watched, bikers will be shot (you can’t blame Mike for getting involved sometimes most times— it’s in his blood).

The taller man’s presence becomes so normal in Michael’s life that even Jimmy and Tracey aren’t surprised to see Trevor walking throughout the house when they’re visiting.

If Michael didn’t know any better, he’d say the kids even missed their uncle— enough to visit the Rockford Hills house even when Mike himself wasn’t there.

“Argh! This game fucking sucks!”

Michael’s lips twitch into a small smile as he heads up the stairs towards Jimmy’s room. The sight in front of him doesn’t surprise him all that much considering Trevor’s cursing could likely be heard from across the street.

Michael stops at his son’s doorway, watching him and Trevor furiously tapping on controllers to try and shoot the on-screen targets.

“Uncle T,” Jimmy pipes up, cringing at the screen. “You’re standing too close to the bomb, you’re going die if you don’t—”

The blood of Trevor’s character splatters across the screen before Jimmy starts laughing uncontrollably.

“Shut the fuck up, kid! C’mon, Mikey. Let’s go do something actually worth our time.”

Michael chuckles, reaching over to fist bump Jimmy, before leaving the room with Trevor.

He’s not sure when it happened—or why— but every time he looks at Trevor and his kids while they’re together, he can’t help but think of them as a family.

Sure, Trevor is already family. His kids call him Uncle T for a reason. But that’s not what Michael means. He sees them as his family. Trevor, Michael, Jimmy, and Tracey— a family.

It could be the people of Los Santos getting inside his brain with their comments and assumptions. Every time the pair go out with the kids, there’s at least one person who calls them a “two-dad family.”

For some reason, though, it doesn’t bother Michael like it used to. He doesn’t feel guilty anymore, like he’s cheating on Amanda.

After realizing that, it hit him harder than Martin Madrazo’s baseball bat. He loves Trevor. He’s in love with Trevor, and he probably always has been. Why else would he feel like he’s doing something wrong to Mandy every time he’s with him?

He doesn’t want to even think about telling his friend, but he also knows he wants to be done keeping secrets from him forever. And apparently, he’s done keeping secrets from everyone.

“Dad,” Jimmy starts off nervously from his side of the couch. “So, like, can I ask you something?”

Michael shoots him a weary look. “If this is about me buying you that new game, I already told you no Jim.”

“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s more, ya know, personal.”

The silence drags on as Michael waits for Jimmy to continue, but he never does. “Spit it out already.”

“Look, are you and Uncle T, like, closer than you were before the divorce? You know, closer. Because, like, that’s totally cool with me. I have gay friends now, and I guess it’s better than you staying with mom and cheating. Maybe you and uncle T can, ya know, keep each other alive and shit but—”

“What? Jim! No! Trevor and I aren’t…”

Jimmy interrupts him. “But you want to be?”

“When did you get so observant all of a sudden? You sound like a fuckin’ psychologist.”

“Well, pop, you raised me in Los Santos.”

Jimmy, much to Michael’s embarrassment, prodded at him until he agreed to talk to Trevor about the “issue.”

It takes Michael another month, plus one more terribly uncomfortable conversation with Jimmy, to confess to Trevor.

“Christ, T. I think it’s possible that maybe…”

“I’ll be dead by the time you finish your sentence, sugar.”

Michael sighs. “Have you ever thought that there might be more to this?”

“More—” Trevor groans. “Can you just say what you mean for once in your life?”

“I love you, you asshole.”

Horns honking and police sirens can be heard from outside as the room becomes eerily quiet. Before Michael can truly panic, Trevor leans forward so fast that Mike’s sure he’s about to slam his head into his nose, but the searing pain never comes.

Instead, Trevor’s lips push against his while his hands tug Michael’s hair to bring him closer.

It’s cliché. It’s really fucking cliché. But, for once, Michael feels like he’s doing something right for a change.

“I love you, Mikey.”

After that, not much changes really. The only difference is that, now, when Trevor comes over after a long day of doing God knows what, Michael gets to sit on the couch wasting away with his boyfriend’s head lazily rested on his shoulder.

Or, sometimes, between his legs.

Telling Franklin and Lamar ended up being easy. Neither was all that surprised. In fact, Lamar even tried to start a bet once about when they’d “stop sucking as people and start sucking each other,” but Franklin put a stop to that real quick.

Other than that, Frank was supportive.

“I’m happy for you, dog. Maybe now you’ll stop being so miserable.”

Michael smirks. “I don’t know, but I think this is a good start.”

Telling Amanda and the kids was…interesting.

Jimmy, of course, knew already. But he was surprised that his dad actually grew the balls to do it.

Tracey was a little more shocked; she always thought the jokes about her dad and Uncle T were just that— jokes. Plus, she worried that her dad had been cheating before with him, but they assured her that wasn’t the case.

Tracey tried to act a little stubborn just in case her mom wasn’t okay with the relationship, but she was secretly happy for them.

Amanda, having found her own happiness outside of Michael, took it rather well too.

“This just started, right? You weren’t…together…during our marriage?”

“No, Mand,” Michael reassures her before sparing a glance at Trevor who is across the room talking to Tracey and Jim. “I only just realized it.”

“Well, I always wondered why on Earth you would stick by his side through some of the shit he has done,” Amanda says, her voice growing softer. “And now I know.”

Michael lets his gaze move back to his ex-wife’s. “I’m sorry I was such a prick to you.”

“I wasn’t perfect either.”

He’s about to respond when he feels a hand land on his shoulder. He looks up to see Trevor hovering above him while looking at Amanda.

“Hey,” Trevor points a finger at her. “You better accept his apology or I’ll be hearing about it for the rest of the year.”

Michael watches Amanda actually crack a smile towards Trevor. “He was always really miserable. But, lucky for me, he’s your problem now.”

Michael scoffs. “Hello, I’m right here!”

“Yeah, we know. It’s hard to miss you, pork chop.”

Despite Trevor’s remarks, Michael can hear the man’s smile as he walks back over to join Tracey and Jim, and that makes the sides of his lips curl into a small smile too.

“I’m not going to say I understand it completely,” Amanda admits. “But if you’re happy, then I’m glad.”

“I am. I think I finally am.”

[thenewwei]

BAD AMERICANS by Tejas Desai-An Update on the Great American Pandemic Novel

On this Independence Day Eve, I have to report that things are not looking good for the prospects of my latest book BAD AMERICANS being conventionally published. I haven’t gotten a single hit among the 50 agents or so I sent queries to several months ago. The ones who deigned to give a non-form response told me that the massive Great American Pandemic Novel was too long to be conventionally published.

Apparently, anything over 120,000 words is virtually impossible to publish right now, let alone a novel and short story collection in one, which is unheard of and doesn’t fit into a defined bookstore category. One agent even told me to constrict it into 80,000 words—it is currently 260,000 words. Even with dramatic editing, that’s practically impossible unless I write a different book.

I hoped that my momentum of winning 15 indie literary awards for my last novel The Dance Towards Death would cruise me into a major publication and Pulitzer Prizes/National Book Awards as a kind of natural progression of artistic ascent, especially for an ambitious Magnum Opus like BAD AMERICANS, but this was apparently just wishful thinking. That's not how the literary world works, at all.

I conveniently looked past the risk-averse, rigid and bureaucratic nature of the publishing industry which is the very reason I independently published 5 books over 8 years. I hoped DEI would help the prospects for the most DEI book ever written, but yet again, this promise was exposed as a front and a lie. It appears the major publishers don’t care about true diversity in fiction, and certainly not when there’s innovation and raw realism involved.

I’ve also sent BAD AMERICANS, meaning the whole manuscript, edited/half versions, and the individual stories out to indie publisher contests, but these have also resulted in rejection so far, and I’m not hopeful for a hit. These contests have also been very expensive—the fees for each contest range from $25-$80. I’m basically subsidizing their companies when that money would traditionally be used to promote my own works or those of other New Wei writers I admire. And it’s likely I could build a bigger profile and readership for BAD AMERICANS through The New Wei even if a small publisher does accept it.

Of course, sending BAD AMERICANS directly to the People has resulted in a much different outcome. Massive amounts of sensitivity (I hate this word—I prefer identity?) readers and beta readers have read and thoroughly commented on both the individual stories and the 1000 page book as a whole. How much did they charge? Nothing at all. In fact they were thrilled to participate in and aid this important project.

The 12 internal stories, most of which are novelettes or novellas, have been universally praised. I have gotten some criticisms on the frame story, particularly the long food and activity descriptions, and these will be edited. But even those critical readers finished the massive novel and admired it on the whole (meanwhile, the so-called publishing professionals have done absolutely nothing for this work).

In fact, one retired librarian read the 1,000 page tome two times, including giving me extensive line-by-line feedback the second time, and now wants to read it a third time. And she loved the individual stories so much that she adapted two, with my permission, and gave them to her book club to read and discuss. Now that’s dedication!

So essentially, I am at yet another crossroads. Do I keep trying to get the book conventionally published, which will likely take many years if it ever happens at all, or do I go it alone yet again and build The New Wei along with it? In particular, self-publishing BAD AMERICANS will be a huge endeavor due to its size, scope and components, likely one of the greatest self-publishing projects ever undertaken.

Well, you know I love a great challenge.

At this point, barring some miracle (and a few have happened to me), for the next six months I’m going to plan to do a final revision of the frame story and rebuild or confirm my team for the large publishing project. Perhaps I will send out 50 more queries to agents and here and there enter a contest—seems like a waste of time and money but I suppose you never know, I could get lucky.

Under the Grand Design, one story would be published as a Kindle ebook for each month of 2025 and then the whole book would be published in two volumes, in multiple formats, six months apart in 2026. That would be an all-consuming 2 year publishing project consisting of 18-20 distinct publications (possibly one with the whole work too, meaning potentially over 20) involving the same book.

Now that would be dedication!

We’ll see—I reserve the right to revise timelines, elements, and paths, but as you all know, once I get a plan for a project in my mind, almost nothing except divine intervention (and perhaps not even that) can stop me.

My goal all along has been to create a massive oeuvre like Balzac’s The Human Comedy, Faulkner’s Yoknapatawpha County books and Dostoyesky’s St. Petersburg works. Waiting around for publishers to take notice on a whim will likely never fulfill my ambitions, let alone my additional one of promoting other great indie literary writers I admire.

I hope to have help with this great enterprise, but other than my magnificent team and my growing number of wonderful fans, I’m not going to plan on it! :( #literature #books #publishing #thehumantragedy #BadAmericans #authors

[angelmush]

hiii im going to be living w my aunt over the summer and therefore buying my own groceries. I am going to be busy w summer classes and working on the weekends but I do rlly want to try cooking at least once or twice a week. I can make an egg and pasta but that’s about it. What are some of your fave recipes that aren’t super complicated that I could start with if you have any? (I am open to a minor challenge but cooking can overwhelm me so I like a challenge but not too much of one lol). I am also vegetarian (not vegan) if that matters! If you don’t get to this that’s okay !!! I hope u are well 🩷🩷🩷

now it's been a little while for me since i've had to use this model due to moving back home w my family for a time but when buying groceries for one person i found it helpful to follow this sort of structure about once a week! when i do this it feels a lot easier to 'wing it' in the kitchen and mix and match my meal components. and to preface, this is what i find to be helpful and everyone is different and finds different things to work for them!!

1-3 protein sources - i like to center my meals around this because i've found it helps me feel the most nourished and full, i always think of it as things that can be the 'star' of your dishes. i eat meat so i usually do salmon, chicken thighs, and alternate pork + beef. but for u that could b things like tofu, eggs, beans/lentils, mushrooms maybe, vegetarian 'meat' fakes lol, peanut butter if u like any peanutty noodle dishes

3-4 veggies - i love to snack on veggies so i usually get snap peas, cucumbers, + bell pepper just for snacking, and then something like brussel sprouts for roasting as a side dish w a dinner, these can also be frozen

2-3 types of fruit - i am a smoothie enjoyer bigtime so i get a combo of frozen and fresh, almost always mango, and then whatever is seasonal that i can see myself being excited to eat throughout the week

2-3 grains - pastas, premade pizza crusts, bread, rice, etc!! these rly round out ur meals!! and imo they make it simpler to make a meal on the fly. i am a huge fan of microwave rice LOL

2-3 multipurpose dips/spreads/sauces/condiments/pantry items - now here is ur golden ticket for being able to reliably make well rounded and varied meals!!! slowly building up your collection over time is the most cost effective way imo. it's helpful to stock up your pantry w things like baking supplies (flours, sugars, leaveners), spices, shelf stable canned goods (canned tomatoes, beans, vinegars, oils, soy sauces, fish sauce, cartons of things like oak milk), and 'fridge pantry' items (parmesan, herbs, lemons for juice and zest, miso, gochujang, ketchup, mayo, hot sauce, jam, pickles, etc). you can use these to season your food as you cook!

2-3 snacks/frozens - any microwave meals or chips or desserts you might want!!

using this structure makes it easier to look at what you have and be like, i have xyz and they would go together well.

EX. i have rice, tofu, and bok choy, now i can cook the rice and pan fry the tofu and bok choy with my pantry ingredients (soy sauce, miso, sesame oil, chili oil) and create a filling meal!

some of my favorites that could be made vegetarian -

ground pork seared on the bottom of a dutch oven in patties (you could sub tofu or use a fake meat replacement), broken up into smaller chunks, eaten with linguine, sliced snap peas or celery, + a garlicky peanut butter sriracha sauce

pizza w a store bought crust!! super easy, done in like 10 minutes! i like to make mine in a cast iron following this protocol

i really love to dress up ramen w sliced veggies and eggs

i like to make pasta dishes and then form a sauce w parmesan cheese, butter, pasta water, lots of lemon zest and juice and sometimes chicken stock, then adding in peas and fresh herbs at the end

idk if this was helpful at all, but i also have a recipe + recovery tag on my blog w more of these if that is helpful to you! im also on Instagram (@clementineoliveoil) and like to post what i cook there sometimes too!! i wish u all the most beautiful meals in your future!!

[mariacallous]

Kelsones is probably the most unique dish in the Syrian dairy repertoire. Ravioli are stuffed with cheese, hand pinched and boiled. They’re simmered along with egg noodles, topped with a hefty amount of butter, and baked until crispy, chewy and golden. 

Kelsones is the calling card of Shavuot, where elaborate celebratory dairy meals are served. Many men in my Syrian community in Brooklyn have the tradition of staying awake throughout the first night of the holiday to learn Torah. As they walk home after morning prayers, the smell of buttery kelsones drifts through the air. This dish is perfect before a long afternoon (or morning!) nap. 

Handmade ravioli is a labor of love. I remember being a little girl, watching my grandmother stretch out huge sheets of dough across her kitchen table. Her battered ravioli cutter flew through the dough, stamping out circles. Each circle was stuffed with a golden cheese mixture, pinched shut and carefully placed on a tray. Cutting and stuffing were reserved for grandma  — but pinching was a task for my small hands. 

Over the years, our community has grown, and the components of the dish have become readily available. Ravioli dough is now available precut and frozen. Muenster cheese can be purchased shredded in large bags. I’ve never met a kid who didn’t like carbs on cheesy carbs — and lucky for them this dish is now served in community schools and is a lunchbox staple.

Something that was so special to me as a child is now a Tuesday lunch for my kids. I still shuttle them over to grandma pre-Shavuot so they can help make the ravioli. But, as a working mom, I’m glad they have my quick version whenever they want it! 

Notes: 

Mazor’s dough company makes prepared ravioli dough. Defrost slightly before pinching closed to avoid cracks in the dough. Wonton wrappers can be used if these are not available. 

The ravioli can be prepared ahead of time and frozen on a sheet tray. Once solid, transfer to a Ziploc bag. They’re best boiled from frozen, so no need to defrost them.

A Pyrex or other 9×13 glass baking dish is preferred so the browning can be monitored. The hallmark of this dish is the super crisp brown bottom! 

You can prepare the dish (steps 1-5) 1-2 days ahead and reheat tightly covered with aluminium foil.

[somethingclevermahogony]

You mention in your poll that Adkiiroili (Deer's blood) is a festival food, what festival is it made for?

Also! I'm so fascinated by the care you put in the world's cuisine and I'm such a huge fan of it! It's just so cool!!

Thank you for the ask! Adkiiroili originates in the kingdom of Shabala (see below). Though it actually predates the foundation of the kingdom by several centuries.

The dish itself was originally invented by the tribes/clans living in the foothills around the Akashad mountains, the region now occupied by the cities of Arazzawa, Pilala, and Thuruzi. Though called Deer's Blood the dish originally could contain a wide array of different meats both mundane and magical. Despite its name, most varieties of the dish do not contain blood, rather the name comes from the reddening effect of the beets on the broth.

The Proto-Shabalic tribes which invented Adkiiroili, worshiped the local spirits which they called Ba. In addition to these spirits they also worshiped the antlered god, Jaruba. As a god of game, spirits, magic, and of course deer, these tribes associated the god with the autumn rutting season.

Several of these tribes practiced rituals in honor of Jaruba, meant to insure a good hunting season, in which Adkiiroili would be left out, presumably for the god and any passing spirits to consume. After the introduction of agriculture and the creation of the first cities, the need for these hunting rituals faded, however this does not mean that these events actually went away. The Festival of Jaru, as it is celebrated in Shabala now, is meant to appease angry spirits, to draw in beneficial ones, and to appease Jaru, the modern equivalent of Jaruba.

Offerings of Adkiiroili, typically made by plantbrews ( potion makers, medicine-women, etc.) are still left in the forest for the spirits, however additional stew is made with the intention of being eaten by people. Competitions are even held in some cities to decide which person has produced the best stew.

Think of the Festival of Jaru, somewhat like Halloween. People tell stories about monsters and dress up in frightening costumes, they eat rich stews and soups like Adkiiroili as well as sweets and cakes.

Adkiiroili, is associated to some extent with fertility, and newlyweds, expectant mothers, and boys on their 16th birthdays are often given the stew by relatives. When Tamel and his followers fled from Shabala and founded Kishetal, they brought the stew with them. However they did not bring the festival, the Kishite equivalent of the Antlered God, is far more mysterious and receives less worship.

Atkiroli, the Kishite equivalent, is associated with illness, likely due to its origins and associations with the plantbrews in Shabala.

Shabalic Adkiiroili is a complex and rich dish, with sometimes dozens of separate components, typically served with bread and cheese. The Kishite Atkiroli on the other hand, is far less complex, closer to a brothy soup, and is typically only reserved for those suffering from illnesses of the blood.

[meichenxi]

ATTENTION: MXTX BOOKS ACQUIRED!!!!!

!!!! yes!!!!! you heard that correctly!!!!!  I now have copies of TGCF and MDZS in traditional chinese, vertically laid out, plus a whole bunch of other books!!

(I have just returned from taiwan; it was by far not my only purpose in going, but I also decided to stay four days extra at the end after my friend had left just so I could go a-hunting.)

I am. so unbelievably excited. and especially because, with never having a) looked at these books in chinese, b) never having read anything beyond a few lines in traditional, and c) never having read vertical formatting, they are....readable? not with a dictionary on kindle or pleco like I’ve done before to make sense of things, but readable cover-to-cover without a dictionary at all. 

that is a HUGE step for me. reading has always been a bit of a mental block and with the traditional especially and the formatting I was very much expecting it to be a strugglebus situation and don’t get me wrong, it requires a good fucking deal of mental concentration and yes, I do occasionally run my finger down the page to not lose my place like an old person, but...I’m reading them

in the last four? three? days, I’ve read, as of right now, 68 pages of tgcf volume one consecutively (as in, just from the beginning) and over 90 pages in total (+ the pages I read for the scenes I like and skipped to). and it’s so FUNNY!!! I had honestly forgotten. I’m laughing out loud at points!! I read extremely quickly in english, and also have a terrible memory, which combines into flying through books and never having any idea what happened in them - reading more slowly I feel like I can enjoy what is going on more, and appreciate just honestly how funny the writing is. it’s hilarious. xie lian is such a moron (affectionate). ‘next time, if you have to throw something, throw me and not the food, ok?’ what a loser!!!! what a guy!!!!! 

so, 68 pages in, now for an honest appraisal of where I’m at.

first, formatting. 

 the vertical layout - look, going to be honest, I kind of hate it. I’m not used to looking up and down and feel like I’m bobbing my head, and it makes scanning a line more time-consuming. on the other hand, I can feel a massive increase in speed and comfort from even when I started three or four days ago, so I think it’s a matter of practice. I noticed also that when I went to the bookstore I still have the completely hilarious and useless habit of tilting my head to look at the books. the titles of which are written vertically. 

second, traditional. 

I am reading a lot slower than I do in simplified and horizontal laid-out texts, which is not surprising. the traditional is the biggest stumbling block definitely - but it’s not as big actually as I would have thought. I’ve been picking up frequent very different characters with two or three repetitions; not enough to internalise them and read them as seamlessly as in simplified chinese, but enough to look at them, even when it’s a little jarring, and go ‘oh, that means this’ in my head. I have found that I tend to subvocalise more with a) the increase in very different traditional characters, and b) the difficulty of the text. when there are simple conversations or directions I don’t subvocalise at all, which I consider generally speaking to be a good thing as it improves your speed of reading. when there’s a lot of mid-frequency fairly different characters (i.e. ones that I have picked up in these few days but aren’t common enough to be every two lines, and that I still very much have to think about), I subvocalise a LOT. when the characters are ones that I think I probably don’t know in either traditional or simplified, or there are a lot of very confusing descriptions, I don’t subvocalise at all, even if I could by phonetic components. I just - vibe. which brings me onto the next part. 

reading traditional - the brain feeling. 

I CANNOT describe how strange it is to read traditional and how wonderful an organ the brain is. it honestly feels like magic. if you’re still reading at this point and I’m not just shouting into the void, you probably know that I can’t handwrite in chinese to save my life - what that means practically for character recognition is that you could ask me to name the components of a character I see 100000 times a day and I couldn’t do it. it’s all subconscious. I have NO memory or understanding of what radicals are used where at the best of times in simplified chinese, and it’s all done via The Vibe. 

this is EVEN stronger in traditional chinese. I have not really ever deliberately learnt or consumed any media in traditional apart from a few characters you commonly see written or appeared when I have done a little bit of Classical chinese, like 馬，為，無 etc. I also got up to about halfway through the hsk1 course on skritter for a while on one of my endless attempts to learn how to write - so that gave me characters like 歡，對，甚麼 and so forth. in total that’s....still not that much. the VIBES I get when reading, though - incredible!!!!! I see these characters (not just ones with components that are predictable in traditional forms, but fairly or very different ones) that I have no memory of ever seeing before in my life and go, oh, that feels vaguely like this one. and then I look it up and I’m right. 

some of these are things of course are not objectively difficult - if you know the two components, you can go, oh, those are the two traditional versions of the components and so stuck together is the traditional character. but since I don’t consciously know the component parts off the top of my head of more than about 12 simplified characters (rip), this feels like utter magic. I have also been guessing quite a lot based on context and radicals.

I also know I probably HAVE seen some of these characters before at some point, I just don’t remember. nevertheless. it feels amazing, especially with the ones that are not predictable and are totally different. it’s a very bizarre experience. the coolest part though is the ability to remember new characters without looking them up or ‘learning’ them - a large majority of the traditional characters I can know recognise have genuinely been learnt over the last three days. if I see them for a second or third time - they’re mine now. and that is very cool and comes with practice and NOT anything innate blah blah because when I first started, I remember looking at characters over 20 times and still not being able to remember if I had even SEEN them before, let alone what they mean. so that ability has improved a huge amount, and I think reading and learning new words within the context of that book is mostly to thank for that. 

(not really relevant to any of the above, but reading in a foreign language is so interesting, because you really notice the vocabulary the author uses again and again and again more than in your native language. for instance, mxtx is constantly saying 这下. also 莞尔 as a word for smile - xie lian is CONSTANTly 莞尔一笑 . those are the two I’ve noticed a lot so far.)

overall then:

there are plenty of individual words I don’t know, but it’s usually clear what they mean in context, and when I know I’m reading a description of someone’s elegant fingers that's all you really need to know. none of it has affected my reading experience enough to make me physically put down the book and open pleco. 

I haven’t needed the dictionary for anything so far that I can’t get from context or memory of what happens. this means that I am Reading It Reading It, as opposed to Pleco Reading It or Kindle Reading It. which feels like a huuuuuuuuge milestone and difference and you know,,,honestly tearing up a little bit!!!!! because it’s so cool and I never thought I’d get here!!!!!! 

----

with all of that in mind, my plan for reading these is just...go from cover to cover with the first volume of tgcf, but let myself - since I know the story - jump around to read and re-read the bits I like reading. I want to get at least through the first two books of tgcf before I try to tackle any of the other books that I have bought. I’m not stopping to learn vocab really without the dictionary as most of it hasn’t been necessary so far and would interrupt the reading flow, but sometimes if there is a word I have seen 238290 times I will. I have only done this a few times, however, so I think for pulling vocab from this book I will have to do it separately - i.e. choose a passage I like and write down all the vaguely useful / fun words I don’t know. 

I have also got mdzs. now. the thing here is that...I love tgcf, but I’m not as precious about it as I am about mdzs. I have also NEVER read mdzs in translation because I have hated all of them so much, so I want the first time I read it to be as smooth as I possibly can, and to get as much impact and beauty and *shakes fist* as I possibly can. so...I might put it off for a while, maybe another 6 months or so whilst I improve my reading and traditional recognition skills. we’ll see. I don’t want to dip into it in the same way, and I feel like I want to use tgcf as training wheels first. we will see!

updates soon!!! big excite!!!!!!

[allyooops]

you should tell us about your new little oc! you know, the one for the house... with the owls... :3

Ok but I'm just copying and pasting what you already know omg Doe XD

Her name is Bluebelle, or just Blue, her little sister Pekoe, and her Mom Chamomile (Plant Coven gal). What happened to papa? Who tf knows really, I'm leaning towards him being a wild witch who went "missing" one day. This of course scares the heck out of Chamomile because now her eldest is also out being a hooligan doing wild magic. Blue went to hexside, but was only good when it came to magic with food, and she learned a lot from her mom with plant magic so she has some basics in that. Let's see if we can get a food related thing for each coven shallll we??

Abomination- Great protection from heat, nothing like an abomination goo oven mitt. Also great for stretching to get to high up ingredients.

Bard- well we know that whistling can mess with the components in liquids, so that's pretty clear cut. But also?? What about using sound mess with the consistency of actual food?? A whipped icing that is so light it's practically a cloud? The smoooothiest cheesecake ever?

Beast Keeping- here beautiful bees gimme some tasty fire honey 💕💕💕💕

Construction- let's go outside and make a brick oven! The perfect pizza stone! A beautiful candy making slab!!

Healing- what baker hasn't burnt themselves?

Illusion- suuuuper useful for planning out beautiful cakes before actually attempting them. Like a rough draft but with no clean up!!

Oracle- kind of a way to make sure a delivery isn't actually going to be a set up. But truthfully not her strength lol

Plant- hell yeah plants. Her mom runs the main bakery out of the house with a huge garden out back so she had the freshest ingredients for the pastries. Blue listened well as a child and she does know a little bit about it. But she definitely focuses on the tasty plants, lots of fruit trees, sugar substitutes, grains. She has some sort of mini fruit tree in her room that she adores

Potions- the big one. Potions have the biggest opportunity to be added into bakery items, because what is batter if not a thick potion?? XD Blue does definitely have a knack for making really fancy baked goods using combinations of magic and ingredients to give effects to whatever she makes. I am a big fan of her making house calls and curating specifically ordered pastries for well paying customers

Blue knows Morton I think XD I feel like they would share a weird little rivalry, because Blue would 100% think she could make the elixirs taste good, and him being tired of her trying (and potentially taking his customers)

Lovely lines provided by @doeblossom

Little witch gal lives in a bakery with her Mum, working most of the time to help out the shop, get the snails, all that jazz. And tries her best to make time for studies and schooling too, but is just bad at it, just kinda does the bare minimum to not get expelled. Doesn't really matter what she tries she's just too focused on helping run her household that school doesn't matter that much. Plant track, but skips and has been known to hide in other classes to learn things when a lesson could be used potentially for food stuff haha.

Blue is chaotic when she's in class, derailing lectures by asking the most insane questions. *Does different shades of abomination goo taste different??*

She has a lovely little palisman named Biscuit, she's a weird grasshopper bat thing and also a menace.

Biscuit helps when she can in the bakery, but must be paid in cookies.

Lovely lines and dormant design done by the oh so talented @doeblossom