#and of course my parents are huge nerds especially my dad so i was raised with a lot of good fantasy and scifi

[gayestcowboy]

i need to rewatch lotr. and then reread the books. i think that would fix me

[sukirichi]

pink hearts

You only ever wanted a job as a babysitter to make ends meet – falling in love was out of the equation – but with the magic presented right in front of you, you weren’t going to push it away.

PAIRINGS. itadori jin x reader

WC. 10.7k+

NOTES. this fic is purely self indulgent, not requested, i wrote this for me so reader is mostly...well, me. okay listen I KNOW toji is the choice dilf but PLEASE daddy jin has my heart and i’m so soft for him like you guys don’t understand. this is my comfort fic now and jin’s made his way on my comfort character list, give this amazing man a chance, he’s amazing and so kind eeeee my heart is going to burst i love him so much lol + oh this is unedited as usual

masterlist !

The pink-haired man sat across from you, setting down the tray of two coffee mugs on the coffee table before you. He was of regular build, mostly on the lanky side, and his kind eyes peered behind glasses as he smiled at you. “So you’re the babysitter Mr. Gojo recommended?”

You stared at him. Shamelessly. 

Suddenly, your initial plan of impressing your employer by wearing a tight pencil skirt and an old white blouse after the assumption that they would be prissy and had way too much money on their hands felt useless. 

This guy wore a cream sweatshirt and black slacks, clearly happy and comfortable in his own home.

Upon being the subject of your stare, he only smiled awkwardly, clasping his hands in front of himself as he cleared his throat to let you speak.

“Oh!” you suddenly sat up straight, “Yes, yes I am. I’m sorry for staring. I just think you’d be this...young.” And modest.

“I understand. You’re in university, correct?” you nodded, leaning back in his seat, hand scratching the back of his head. His cheeks tinged a slight pink. “And you’re a close friend of Satoru’s, well...It’s not that I don’t trust his judgment or anything, but it’s my first time being a parent – and I’m a single dad, at that – so I hope you don’t mind that I’d like to see how you get along with my son first before I hire you.”

“Oh yeah, no, that’s perfectly fine!”

Satisfied with your answer, Mr. Itadori stood up with a bow, silently gesturing you to follow him down his hall. “Is there anything you’re uncomfortable with, or anything you don’t know much about? Changing diapers, giving the teething products, anything?”

“I’m the eldest in the family, four more hellish sun drops following afterwards. I think I’m good.”

He nodded at your answer, a small smile on his face. “That’s good to know. My last babysitter was the same age as you, but he didn’t know much about handling babies. I mean, neither do I, but a man’s got to learn, you know?” he laughed at himself, unaware that with each passing second, pink heart eyes gazed up at him admirably.

When you both reached a door that was left slighty open, Mr. Itadori lit up, bending down in front of a crib where his baby laid, small hands clutching at his feet. “Yuuji, baby, Daddy’s here. Are you ready to meet your babysitter?”

Your jaw dropped when he finally picked his baby up, the little boy clad in a tiger onesie and sucking on a toy. “Oh my gosh, you’re so adorable, come here!” you were more than glad when his dad laughed and gently passed the baby to you, who only gurgled in laughter when you cooed at him. “Oh, I want to spoil you and give you kisses, how are you this cute?” Well, it made sense he was cute, since his dad was as well. Yuuji made grabby hands at you, to which you happily obliged, leaning down so his tiny fingers could pinck your cheeks.

Unable to help it, you rubbed your cheeks on his touch, making the little boy clap his feet together, eyes bright with all the happiness and innocence in this world. You honestly wanted to cry right then and there.

“Your hands are soooo tiny, my goodness, I love you already! It’s so nice to meet you, Yuuji, you’re such an angel!”

“You like kids, huh?”

“Well, not so much with kids because toddlers have too much energy, but babies,” you gasped once you heard Mr. Itadori’s muffled laughter, greeted by the sight of him hiding his mouth behind his palm. Instantly, you smiled at him nervously, clutching the baby closer to yourself because he was so darn cute.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry if I’m being weird right now, I can’t help it! Your son is so precious!”

“Thank you. He’s the greatest blessing of my life too,” he beamed, turning to his baby with that soft look in his eyes that parents wore so well. “Well, it seems Yuuji really likes you. He’s friendly to everyone but...I’m surprised he’s warmed up to you this fast,” Mr. Itadori bent over to poke his cheek, the baby’s tiny hand wrapping around his dad’s finger. “Yuuji~ don’t forget I’m still your dad, okay? She’s the babysitter – she’s not your mom so don’t be too clingy, alright?”

You stiffened at his words, your eyes flickering back and forth between the baby and him. They had the same eye and hair colour, along with that aura of kindness surrounding them...it was hard to imagine what the mother would be like. Was she as bright and adorable too?

If yes, then this was an entire family of pink hearted strawberries!

“If...if it’s not too much to ask, may I ask where his mom is?”

Much to your surprise, his eyes grew forlorn, though the smile remained on his face. “His mom...is in a much happier place now,” was all he said – and it was enough – that you couldn’t dare ask more.

Mr. Itadori walked out of Yuuji’s room and into the kitchen afterwards, eyes squinting over the neat handwriting on a sticky note on his refrigerator. “Okay, so, I don’t know if Satoru’s told you, but I’m an engineer. I usually just work from home, especially now that I’ve got a baby, but there are still days where I have to go the office for presentations and meetings. I can’t guarantee that the babysitting schedule will be permanent – is it alright if I call you whenever?”

“Yeah, yeah, I mean, other than university, I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

“That’s good to hear! But wouldn’t this job get in the way of your studies?”

You shook your head, subconsciously pressing closer to the baby instead because he was just so warm and wouldn’t stop tugging at your collar. A part of you was also eager to get this job not only for the baby, but Mr. Itadori intrigued you as well. You knew it was wrong but you had to be honest with yourself, hiding this truth for him instead through a shaky smile.

“No, definitely not! I can just take my studies here – if you won’t mind, of course – and I promise I won’t litter or make a mess or anything. During babysitting hours, Yuuji will be more of a priority than my homework, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

Mr. Itadori hummed to himself, rubbing at his chin. “If that’s the case, then I suppose you’re free to use the study at the end of the hall. There’s a baby camera there that lets you see Yuuji in every room, but if he’s asleep, feel free to use it.”

“Oh wow,” you blinked back in surprise, gently rocking a gurgling Yuuji back and forth. “You didn’t have to do that so uhm, thank you, really, I promise I’ll take care of your son very well!”

“I can see why Satoru recommended you now,” he shook his head with a smile, moving over to the litter of dinosaur stickers onto another list. “Here is a list of the things Yuuji likes and doesn’t like. He’s mostly active in the afternoons when I’ll most likely get called for work, and he’s a mess by then. He really likes playing and cuddles, and he’ll also demand to be carried most of the time otherwise he’ll cry,” he paused as his eyes slid over to you, lips pursed in thought. “I know you’ll do great but...don’t spoil my son too much, okay? I just don’t want him to uh...think that you’re his parent or something. Yuuji gets easily attached like that. If he calls you ‘mama’...please tell me about it, okay?”

“Yes, of course. I know my place, don’t worry.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way,” he raised in hands in surrender as he saw your eyes widen with fear. “Being a single parent is just hard, you know? I can’t help but always feel that maybe I won’t be enough for him, and as much as I can, I’d like to let my son he can rely on me at all times.”

“I think you’re a very great father,” you admitted rather shyly, “Your son is really lucky to have you as his parent. I can tell he’s going to be such a sweetheart.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me,” he placed a hand over his heart, then pulled out a business card from the back of his pocket. “Now, here’s my number and my work schedules. You don’t have to drop by during weekends since I’m always here, but I might need you every Wednesdays to Fridays. Can I have your class schedule as well? That way I know when’s the right time to text you if I need something,” Reaching into your bag that had a copy of your schedule, you handed it to him, the strawberry-haired man’s lips growing into a smile as he read over the content. “Well, what do you know? You study engineering too? Computer engineering?”

You winced, memories you’d rather not think of again resurfacing. “Please don’t call me a nerd. I’ve heard that enough already.”

“What’s wrong about being a nerd? I’ve always been a nerd too and I think I’m fine,” you swapped numbers after that, not even giving you enough time to recover from his comment. Not that being a nerd was a huge deal, but people always said it weirdly that you dreaded hat word. Hearing it from him though...it felt like a compliment. “Guess that settles it then. I’ll see you soon?”

Heart elated and spirits soaring into the sky that you actually got the job and the employer was a kind man, you nodded with a bright smile on your face. “Yeah, I’ll come by next week! Thank you so much for trusting me!”

“No, thank you for your service,” he responded back shyly, waving to you as you walked out the door. Not a few moments later, Mr. Itadori ran after you, his cheeks flushed pink from the shrot run. “Wait! Can I have my son back?”

Looking down at the baby in your arms who was too busy sucking on his thumb, your cheeks heated, extending your arms as gentle as you could while Mr. Itadori got his son back. He only laughed at your state, waving it off with a shake of his head. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! It just feels so natural to hold him!”

“You’ll be a good mother someday,” he commented almost absentmindedly. Meanwhile, you couldn’t stop bowing and apologizing with each step backwards, too distracted to notice that your heels dug into a small crack. You yelped as you felt the floor slip beneath you, Mr. Itadori’s instincts kicking in when he easily grabbed your wrist to pull you towards him, your foreheads almost knocking one another’s. “Whoa – watch your step. You could’ve fallen seriously there.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Itadori! I’ll try to be more graceful next time,” you bowed repeatedly, still so ashamed as you tugged your skirt down. “Why the hell did I wear heels anyway? It’s not like this is a law firm.”

“Please,” he smiled at you – and you swore in that moment that things were just going to be different – eyes closed and his whole face lit with light heartedness. “Call me Jin,” taking his son’s hands up, he waved the little arm as you walked out the door, still in a light trance of disbelief. “Say bye-bye, Yuuji!”

Even as you made it back to your bus stop, you still couldn’t get your mind off of the strawberry-haired father and son duo. Their home was just so...bright, you immediately felt safe and comfortable.

As your heart fluttered at the memory of Jin smiling at you, you placed a palm over your heart, willing it to calm down. That couldn’t be good, right?

“Earth to Y/N!”

You snapped back to life when your friend slapped you on the arm, smiling at her when she only huffed at your dazed out self again. It wasn’t irregular for you to space out like this, and you were more than thankful she was always there to bring you back to reality before you accidentally crossed a street when the lights were green or something.

“Sorry, what?”

“Do you know how many times we had to drag you away because you keep running into poles?” she rolled her eyes, “Sheesh, how would you survive without us? What are you spacing out for anyway?”

“Nothing, nothing. Just thinking about work and all.”

“Speaking of that, how’d the interview go? Was your employer as strict and condescending as the Zenins? The hell happened to those bastards anyway?” “I bet their child is going to grow up sexist or something.”

At the mention of Jin and his baby, your whole self lit up. “My employer is better this time around. He’s only a few years older than us; like five or seven, I think? He’s really nice too and dude, his baby is so. Freaking. Adorable,” you gushed, mimicking the gesture of rocking a baby around with your arms, eyes filled with heart-shaped characters. “Like a freaking strawberry in my arms! He’s so sweet too!”

“You and your attachment to babies,” she scrunched her nose in disgust – always having had an aversion to anyone younger than her. “I’ll never get it.”

“Babies are the best!”

“Yeah, until they drool and throw up on you,” as if the image procured in her mind, your friend shuddered, rubbing her hands up and down her arm to relieve her goosebumps. “I never want to be a mom.”

“You’ll change your mind once you fall in love with someone who’s amazing enough to make you want to have a family on your own.”

“You talk about that as if you’ve met that someone already!”

“Maybe I have,” you giggled stupidly to yourself. Of course you weren’t thinking about Jin – you just knew deep in your heart you always wanted your own family. Growing up from a large family and getting separated from them, it was uncomfortable to not be surrounded by crying and squealing, which was always accompanied with laughter and kisses at the end of the day. Now who wouldn’t want that? You waved your hand to your friend, trying to hide the apparent gushing behind your voice. “I’m just kidding. I just really love babies.”

“Whatever,” she closed the topic, and you didn’t protest, knowing full well your friend cringed at the mention of babies or children. “So are you coming to our study group tonight?”

“Can’t. Got work,” you shrugged, a light skip in your steps as you both walked to the campus. Thankfully, she mistook your enthusiasm with the excitement of getting to hang out with babies again, which was true, but something about meeting Jin again and possibly getting to know more about the sweet father was a huge cherry on top – one your friend didn’t have to know about.

“Shame. I heard that hot guy from Biology was coming too.”

“Fushiguro Toji? Wasn’t he scouted for the military?”

“Honestly, I’m more surprised he’s not a gangster,” she snorted, “But whatever. Text me when you get home safely, okay? If you don’t text within—”

“Yeah, I know, I know. Text you when I get on the bus stop, text you when I arrive at work, when I leave and when I’ve gotten home otherwise you’re calling the cops to report me missing or abused,” you stood up straight for a mock salute, brows furrowed in faux seriousness. “I know, ma’am. That’s drilled in my head already.”

“I’m serious. The world is a dangerous place!”

“Yes, I’ll text you!”

Wednesdays couldn’t come sooner. But when it did, you were far too excited. You’d never tell anyone you took the extra time to fix your hair and spritz on just a tinge of perfume, not wanting to overwhelm the baby.

You shot up from your seat right after class ended, hair flying in the wind as you bolted to the bus stop. Wiping away the sweat on your forehead and fixing your clothes with a pat of your hand, you took a deep breath, chanting inner mantras that today would be a good at work. You’d be contributing to society by caring for a child that would soon be the light of the future, and you were more than honoured. Clearing your throat, you pressed on the bell, humming to yourself as you heard the light patters of footsteps inside.

“Hey, you’re here!” Jin smiled at you, one you reciprocated wholeheartedly, and he opened the door wider while you took off your shoes.

He was still dressed in his sweatpants and a white shirt, looking utterly domestic and different from your previous employers that would glare at you if you touched their kid without sanitizing your hand twice first. Jin was like a breath of fresh air to you – one you breathed in with glee while you followed him inside.

His house was kept neat and clean, surprising you even more at just how immaculate to detail he could be despite his busy schedule. Was it because he was an adult or a parent now that people his age were just more organized and put together?

Whatever it was, you trailed around Jin like a puppy, eager to learn from his ways.

“I told myself I’d only ask you to come around if I’m away for work but I’m working on a huge project and my client is very demanding. He’s asking me to pass it this week already and he just sent me his plans last night.”

“It’s okay...Jin,” you stuttered over calling him by his first name like that, “You can focus on your work. I’ll take care of everything else.”

“Thank you! Yuuji’s in his room, by the way. He’s just had dinner so he’s still energetic – you can pull up the cartoons and lounge in the living room. He’ll be fine,” he opened his mouth to say something else when his gaze darted to your book bag, eyes widening. “Oh wait, you brought your schoolwork—”

“I’m good! I’ve already finished them during my spare time! I promise you really don’t have anything to worry about!”

“Oh, that’s cool, I guess,” he calmed down at your words, scratching the back of his ear before gesturing to his door. “Well, I’ll be in my room if you need me. I get really occupied and focused though, so just open the door if I don’t open it right away.”

“Noted,” You wasted no time in picking up Yuuji from his crib afterwards. It seemed the little man didn’t quite like being imprisoned like that because he was babbling nonsensically, fists banging on the edges.

Upon seeing you enter his room, Yuuji’s babbles got louder, small chubby arms reaching out to your extended ones. His pacifier fell inside his crib as he pouted at you, and how could you resist? Soon, you were happily nestled onto the couch on the living room, his favourite cartoons playing on the background.

His head swayed side to side as the songs came along, while you watched him with tiny giggles. You wondered if maybe your first day at work would be eventless like this.

You really thought you’d run back and forth doing errands and changing diapers, but that was your old babysitting experience – things were obviously different with Jin and his son.

Yuuji was quiet, but Jin was right, he was clingy. Not an hour later into the show, he crawled to your sides and settled into your lap, tiny hands grabbing at your shirt. He sighed as his cheeks rested on your chest, though his eyes still glossed over the cartoon. You felt like your heart would burst at his affection, and you patted his back gently to lull him to sleep.

Eventually, Yuuji fell asleep. You hadn’t even noticed it was dark out already, the cartoons only playing through loop.

You scooped up Yuuji closer to your arms before shutting the TV off, making sure to be as quiet as you could be while you placed him back on his crib. Smiling at the angel, you patted his hair before leaving the room, knocking on Jin’s door at the end of the hallway instead.

When he didn’t respond after four knocks, you thought he’d fallen asleep until you remembered his note.

Shakily, you twisted the knob open, a small smile on your face when you saw him furiously sketching something on his paper. An empty cup of coffee laid beside his table, eraser shavings everywhere. His room smelled like soft laundry detergent with the faint aroma of white caramel coffee – smooth and sweet like him – and it felt almost wrong to be in such a space that was clearly so intimate of him.

Not wanting to disturb too much, you cleared you peered from behind the door sheepishly. “...Jin? Oh. Hello.”

“Hey,” he blinked at you then rubbed his eyes, staring at you for a solid minute before his mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape. “Is everything okay? Yuuji didn’t destroy something, did he?”

“No, he’s fast asleep. I just came here to say I’ll be going home now. It’s past midnight already.”

“It’s that late?” Jin glanced at his wristwatch and adjusted his glasses, fingers swiping up to retrieve his keys as he wore his coat. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you stay this late, and you have school tomorrow too,” he groaned tiredly, though the apologetic smile on his face easily concealed his exhaustion. “I’m really sorry I lost track of time. Come, I’ll drive you home, it’s not safe this dark out.”

“But Jin,” you froze in his hallway, “What about Yuuji?”

“Do you live far from here?”

“No, the dorms are like five minutes away,” Jin pondered about this information, possibly hesitating that maybe it wasn’t his best to leave his son alone. You appreciated the thought, you really did, but you were worried for Yuuji too so you smiled at him, nodding to assure that he didn’t have to. “Jin, it’s okay, I can just take the bus. I’ve been doing that for a long time now and I’m really okay.”

Jin clutched at his keys, the frown on his face evident. “At least let me walk you to the bus stop? So I know you’re safe?”

“Yeah, that’s fine, I guess.”

“Let me just get extra covers for Yuuji. It might be cold tonight,” You waited until he came out with Yuuji warmly bundled up in his arms. The two of you walked side by side, baby Yuuji fast asleep in his arms with his head covered in a small cap. You blushed at the thought that maybe people would think you looked like a family, but before these foolish imaginations could consume you, Jin beat you to it. “I haven’t thanked you properly for today, by the way. Let me make it up to you sometime – you look really tired.”

You flushed deep at his words, shaking your hands in front of you. “Oh no, it’s fine, really! I’m just doing my job.”

“Yes, but caring for someone else’s child – whether you’re paid or not – is still a very selfless act and I can’t thank you enough for it.”

You looked away from how warm his smile was despite the biting chill of the night, turning away to bury your chin in your neck instead. “You really don’t have to do anything. I’m just happy to help.”

“If you insist then,” Jin waved at you as much as he could without waking his son up as you hopped onto the bus, with you watching from the inside. “Get home safely! Text me when you’re home!”

“I will,” you mouthed through the window.

Jin and Yuuji disappeared from your sight after that. All the way back home, the warmth and butterflies swarming your stomach wouldn’t disappear. Even as you flopped on your bed, you still kept tossing and turning, the bright light of your screen glaring at you to just send the darned text already.

Hey...or maybe hello? He’s older though... How do older people even text each other? He wasn’t that much older, but still...it kind of felt inappropriate to address him too casually.

Deciding to just screw it, you pressed backspace and settled for the most boring text, hitting send and flattening on the bed with a groan. Who knew texting someone could be that mind-boggling? Sweat beaded at your forehead as you stared at the plain I’m home, sleep about to take over when your phone buzzed afterwards.

I’m glad to know you’re safe. Sleep well, Y/N.

Looking over at your slumbering roommate, you grabbed a pillow to bite it and muffle your screams, legs flailing beneath you as you read his text over and over again. It wasn’t even that special, but Jin had wished you well – the hardworking and sweet Jin – sending your heart into overdrive.

Your roommate didn’t stir one bit even as you giggled to yourself, punching the bed while you replayed the image of his smile, the feeling of how warm he was walking close to you like that and the sound of his soothing voice that just messed with you on the insides.

God, you had it bad – and yet, why did it feel so good?

Babysitting had never been more fun. Even though the task was no longer new for you, you looked forward to working every single day. Your friends noticed your change in moods, but just downed it to the fact you were generally a cheerful person anyway and didn’t bother asking why, which you were thankful for because it wasn’t easy to admit it out loud you liked Itadori Jin, of all people.

Now that you looked back onto it, he wasn’t that special.

He was definitely the type of guy you easily overlooked in a train, but he would also be the type of guy who wouldn’t hesitate to give up his seat for someone else. It wasn’t like he was utterly interesting too since like you, his life was a bland routine of taking care of babies, working, holing up in his room to create something, drinking coffee as sweet and light as possible, then calling it a day and sleeping with a huge smile on their face, just thankful for another day.

Yes, he was simple. Yes, he might even be boring, but gosh, you had never liked someone so much.

You summed it down to him being kind and loving. Yes, that was all it was. While your friends flocked over to mysterious, dark guys like Fushiguro Toji and his friends, gossiping non-stop on how he supposedly had a hotter younger relative but were a lot shittier than he was, you were different. You were simple.

You liked soft, quiet guys who enjoyed the soft pit-patters of rain, the types of people who spent too much time in the library travelling across galaxies in their seat, and overall, you liked peaceful souls.

Jin was everything you ever admired – stable, simple, kind, affectionate. It was clear from how he was never shy to shower his baby with kisses and feed him with airplane spoons, using a small voice to baby talk his son. Every time you came around, you immediately felt welcomed into their happy home despite the lack of a maternal figure, and you found yourself wanting to be there a lot more often than you should.

It seemed that the heaven heard your prayers when your phone rang. Instinct kicked in, and you grabbed at your blaring phone, eyes wide when you read the contact name.

“Hello? Jin, what’s wrong?” Yuuji was crying in the background, accompanied with his father’s constant shushing and worried cooing.

“H-hi, I’m really sorry to bother you, I know it’s late, it’s just Yuuji won’t stop crying and my neighbours are mad at me because I can’t get him to calm down,” as if on cue, Yuuji only wailed louder. You could hear Jin’s desperate pleas for him to quiet down a little, with you dashing out of your bed and slinging your arms inside your coat. “Could you please come over? I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m on my way,” was all you said before hanging up. Minutes later, you’d entered their apartment thanks to the spare key Jin gave you, heart breaking as Yuuji’s wailings only got louder.

Jin’s shoulders visibly relaxed when you scooped his son into your arms, rocking back and forth as you pressed a palm flat on his forehead. He didn’t seem to be feverish or even warmer than usual, but he was definitely irritated, pushing away at your hands that laid on him.

“Yuuji, baby! What’s wrong, sweetheart? Something hurt anywhere?” you turned to Jin, “Is his diaper full?”

“I just checked, he didn’t poop,” Jin nibbled at his thumbnails, a quirk you didn’t expect he’d have with his seemingly put-together composed self. His son’s crying must’ve really bothered him because Jin wouldn’t stop pacing back and forth, Yuuji’s newly cleaned pacifier clenched between his fingers. “I gave him the teething rings too but he just dumped them to the side.”

Nodding, you tried poking at Yuuji’s stomach. The baby belly that should’ve been squishy was firm against your finger, the imaginary light bulb in your head going off.

“His stomach is a little tight. I think he’s got gas,” you informed Jin with a relieved smile, glad that it wasn’t as serious as you thought it would be. “We need to make him burp,” Patting at Yuuji’s back while Jin gently massaged Yuuji’s belly, prompting the boy to wail louder with his tiny arms banging both your chest, a big burp was finally released.

“Oh my gosh, he’s still crying.”

“It’s okay, Jin, he’ll be fine,” you reassured, smiling wide at baby Yuuji even though he couldn’t focus on you. “That’s right, sweetheart, you’re doing great. Just burp a little more and it won’t hurt so bad. It’s just gas, sweetie, you’re alright. I’ve got you.”

“B-but the neighbours...”

“Don’t mind them,” You didn’t mean for your words to come out harsh, but who could blame you? Yuuji was clearly in distress; the last thing you cared about was pleasing others. “They can plug in earbuds for all I care. Yuuji needs help,” at your words, Jin swallowed, resuming his ministrations of encouraging his son to burp.

Yuuji stilled for a moment before he resumed his crying. This time around, Jin was a lot calmer and focused as his hands rubbed at his son’s stomach. The burps came constant afterwards until Yuuji had enough, turning away from his father and burying his head on your chest. Small hiccups followed, but he’d calmed down, eyes shut tight from the previous discomfort.

“Are you feeling better now, baby? Tummy ache is gone?”

“He’s...not crying anymore...” Jin murmured in disbelief, his hands hovering above Yuuji’s belly.

“He’s still really red, though,” you frowned, hands brushing his bangs away from his forehead. It didn’t take long before Yuuji settled in, thumbs sucked into his mouth. Little whimpers could still be heard from the little guy, though nothing serious happened. You and Jin both sighed in relief. “I think he’s tired from crying. I’m going to go rock him for a bit,” Eyes flitting over to Jin’s face rigged with dark circles, you mustered a chuckle. “How about you, are you okay? You look half-dead,” you joked.

“He was in the crib next to me when he just started wailing out of nowhere,” Jin plopped down onto the sofa, his sweatshirt crinkled and sweatpants loose and comfortable as ever. “I was so scared that maybe something else was wrong.”

“Parenting is both a blessing and a hardship, huh?” you chided in, “Don’t worry. I still think you’re doing an amazing job at being a dad.”

“You’re quite amazing too. You’re a natural at this.”

You shrugged, unable to look Jin in the eye as you continued gently swaying side to side while Yuuji slept in your arms. “My parents were rarely around. They were too busy working to provide for all of us so I acted as the parental figure instead.”

“Your parents are really lucky to have you as a child – reliable and strong.”

“All I ever wanted was to make them proud,” you told him, looking far from the distance as you reminisced your old memories with your family. It felt so far away already – they felt far away – though you knew the love you had for one another still remained. “And I live a good life knowing they passed with no worries. My siblings are doing great, too, though we’ve all parted ways now. Some of them got adopted by our relatives and I’m...I’m here I guess.”

“I’m extremely sorry for your loss,” Jin’s voice was quiet, and when you looked back at him, you saw him smiling into his hands before turning to you, wearing that damned smile that always had your heart doing backflips. “You’re a really strong person, you know?”

Your cheeks flushed at his words. “Thank you. I think it’s all thanks to my parents,” you murmured; that slight pang of pain remained even after their death, though it wasn’t as awful as it used to be. The sting felt a lot calmer now, almost as if time slowly healed your heart back together. “After they passed from the car crash, I just knew I had to be strong for all of us. The pain and the hardship were worth the effort, though. All of us are happy and settled now.”

“That’s the one thing I’m most afraid of,” he confessed, frowning at the peaceful baby in your arms. “That I’ll have to leave my child before he’s ready to face the world by himself. I’m not...I could never be prepared for that.”

“As long as he knows you love him and you always will, I think Yuuji will always find his way in life,” Jin’s eyes widened, something unreadable glimmering behind those pretty eyes that had you feeling too many things all at once. Embarrassment and sudden shyness creeped all the way up to your spine along with exhaustion, and you gestured for him to move aside, heaving as you sat down next to him. “I’m really sleepy.”

“Please, let me hold – oh. He likes you more, I guess.”

You chuckled at his dejected face, the childish pout the exact replication of Yuuji’s. Yuuji refused to be held by his dad, burrowing himself into your warmth instead. “I’ve got a charm when it comes to children.”

“That you do,” he agreed absentmindedly.

Before any of you could realize what was going on, you’d fallen asleep on the couch. Yuuji was still safely nestled between your arms, while Jin’s head was tucked in your shoulder, soft breaths leaving those equally soft lips.

Oddly enough, when you woke up and noticed your current position, none of you found it weird. Jin only laughed at the way drool dried up at the end of your lips, to which you silently scolded him for as to not rouse Yuuji from his sleep. He didn’t move away from his position, eyes flicking over from yours to his son bundled up warmly, a smile tugging up at the ends of his lips.

“Uh... that was a long night.”

“Long night, indeed,” Jin nodded before standing up to stretch, exposing a sliver of smooth skin that made heat rush up to your face. You immediately looked away, heart pounding in your chest as Jin began to rummage through his kitchen. “It’s a Saturday so if you’re free...do you want to stay over for breakfast?”

Something about that night kicked off the start of your...budding friendship with Jin. Yes, that’s exactly what it was, just friendship.

You knew there was no way he could ever see you the way you looked at him; not that you minded. Being in their presence and having Yuuji around was already a blessing itself, the days progressively getting better the more you worked for him.

It had become a routine that Jin would come home, exhaustion lining his eyes before he caught sight of you standing in the living room, reading books out loud while you carried a babbling Yuuji. You would laugh because it felt like Yuuji was trying to have conversation with you, to which you responded with reading terms even you had difficulty pronouncing. He’d only nod and keep saying nonsense, grubby hands reaching for the book you held.

He was so precious that you leaned down to kiss the top of his head every now and then, giggles pouring out from the tiny baby strawberry.

Jin took off his shoes, the happiness bursting through his chest unexplainable upon seeing that his son was happy and safe. Loosening the tie with one hand, he extended his arms wide open, running into your direction. “I’m home!”

“Yuuji, Daddy’s here!”

“How’s my sweet little boy doing?” The smile on Jin’s face was phenomenal and even dramatic as his son finally reached out to him, the babbles only getting louder as his dad peppered his cheeks with kisses. Yuuji still wanted to stay in your arms though, and Jin sighed when his son’s hands went back to grabbing at your book, though the chuckles he let out told you he wasn’t really dismayed about it. “Thank you for looking out for him again. Isn’t your arm tired from carrying him and studying like that?”

“No, I’m good. I’ve got really strong muscles,” you flexed your bicep, “Plus, it’s so comforting to carry an angel like Yuuji around. I feel like I’m going to pass my exams with ease!”

Not a moment later, you dropped your arm and turned away to hide your frown, brows pinched together. Jin, being the ever observant person he was, placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, his voice gentle and warm as he asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Well,” you began, “I couldn’t understand something and I’ve been going at it for days. Nothing makes sense to me,” with the effort of only one free hand, you flipped to the middle of the book. A headache began to form the moment you read the chapter title, making you cringe while Jin leaned closer for a better look at its contents. “Look at this chapter here. It’s so confusing!”

“Oh, I know this!” he pushed his glasses back up to his nose, grinning as he pulled out a chair before gesturing you to do so. “Okay, so this means...” 

Not even in your craziest dreams had you imagined you’d be sitting at Jin’s table like this, your legs touching from the lack of space as he rambled on excitedly about the lesson.

He would have animated gestures to explain the dynamics of this and that, both you and Yuuji staring at him in awe as he broke the chapter down into easier parts. It was still difficult to understand since your attention was mostly on the way his eyes brightened the more he talked about his passion for the subject, not to mention that Yuuji was also grabbing at both your faces.

It made you both laugh, the two of you simultaneously bending down to kiss either sides of his cheeks until Yuuji was squished between the both of you.

You laughed with Jin the moment you made awkward eye contact through the kiss, chests bursting with laughter before he proceeded back to the lesson. With each passing second, you were beginning to fall for him a lot more and on a deeper level – so much so that you told yourself you should be scared. Instead, your heart felt at home, calm and peaceful, almost as if it knew you were safe and welcomed.

This sudden revelation had you looking at him in an entirely different light. Jin looked...the same, but somehow warmer? Like he was bathed in a soft glow, the edges pink like his hair, and your hair melted at each and every word that poured from his lips.

When you excused yourself to go to the restroom, you were greeted by the sight of a nearly passed out Jin on the couch, baby Yuuji asleep on his arms.

Jin must be really tired from work. He hadn’t even changed out of clothes. It was getting late too – you needed to come back home soon.

“Jin. Jin, wake up.”

“Huh?” his eyes snapped open, arms instinctively tightening around Yuuji’s before he relaxed, smiling stupidly as he leaned back on his seat. “Oh, it’s you. Hi.”

“Hi,” you echoed, nails digging into your palm to resist the urge to wrap him in a hug; he looked like he needed it. Hands held out in front of you, you took Yuuji from him, slightly nudging his knee with yours. “I’ll take Yuuji to bed. You should go freshen up,” Jin groaned in agreement as he ran his hands through his hair, muttering something about being a parent meant not getting to sleep well. You chuckled at his statement, already moving to get the cups out from the pantry. “Do you want me to make you a cup of tea?”

“Yeah, that’ll be great, thank you.”

Jin disappeared into his room while you tucked Yuuji into bed, the both of you meeting later in the kitchen. He still looked terribly tired, though his smile was lively as ever when he joined you at the table. “Long day again?”

“It’s always a long day,” he confessed through a sip, “But all my worries wash away when I get to see how happy and healthy my son is. I’d work day and night just to provide a good life for him.”

“Don’t forget to spend time with him too, okay? Using the present to ensure your son’s future in exchange of not watching them grow up isn’t worth it,” you reminded him, slightly referring to how much you regretted not getting to be with your parents much until you completely lost the opportunity to do so again. Jin easily read your eyes, fingers grazing the edges of his cup as you continued, “He’s growing day by day. Promise me you’ll always be there for him, okay?”

“I promise,” though whispered, you heard it loud and clear, and you knew without a doubt he’d keep to his words.

After Jin washed his cup, you gathered your things and allowed him to walk you all the way to his apartment’s entrance, waving softly at you. “Get home safely, Y/N. Text me when you’re home.”

It was the perfect routine: go to school, go to work, fall in love with Jin and his son a lot more than you should be, and go home with his kind smile as the last thing you saw.

Each night before sleep completely overtook you, your phone would vibrate, the name of the man who had completely smitten your heart appearing and washing away all the previous tiredness you both accumulated through the day.

Good night, Jin. Rest well.

You too.

It was a routine you’d never get tired of.

“Jin? Yuuji?” you gasped as Yuuji greeted you with bubbling laughter, his small arms slapping your cheeks while his dad giggled behind him. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Happy Birthday!” Jin greeted and finally showed his face after hiding from Yuuji’s buttocks. Your heart absolutely soared at the sight of the father and son duo wearing matching pink clothes, both of their bright smiles only adding to the warmth of the special day. No, actually, it became special because of them – the two people you adored most in this world. “Satoru texted me it was your birthday and it’s my day off too so I thought I’d drop by!”

Before you could respond, Jin huddled Yuuji closer to him, blinking at the audience you both managed to gather.  “I forgot you lived at a dorm, though...is it normal that people are looking us?”

“No, it’s not. They probably think I’m a young mom or something,” you flushed beet red at his words, silently glaring at the nosy onlookers whispering behind their backs. It wasn’t that you were ashamed people could assume that about you, it was just ironic since you actually wanted that to be real but it was embarrassing because you knew Jin wouldn’t see you that way. “Can you give me a few minutes to get ready? We should go somewhere else.”

“Okay, we’ll wait for you downstairs.”

You’ve never moved so fast in your life. Brushing your teeth, showering, and getting dressed in your best clothing were all achieved in the span of ten minutes. You felt proud of yourself as you hopped the stairs two steps down at a time, hair flying from behind you. It was clear you were too excited, but could anyone blame you? You never cared about your birthday, but Jin and Yuuji were here! Of course this was going to be a special day.

You froze at the end of the stairs, the drumming of your heart too wild to tame. Jin was blowing kisses into Yuuji’s belly, the baby’s gleeful laughter painting the walls.

He must’ve felt your stare burning holes at the back of his head because Jin turned your way, Yuuji pressed into his chest as he walked towards you. You were once again blown away by his sweet scent, a mix of gentle laundry detergent and something was just so Jin.

“Hey there,” he smiled, knocking the wind out of your lungs with just two words. “I didn’t have anything cool planned for today since I wasn’t prepared but I know this nice restaurant you might really like. It’s going to be my treat!”

“Oh thanks, but my friends already fed me enough with pizza and cake. Is it okay if we just take a walk around somewhere?”

“Yeah, of course!” Grabbing his arm to pull him away from prying eyes, you walked out of the campus, extending your arms to celebrate your freedom once the warm sunshine kissed at your skin, the cool wind soothing you afterwards. Jin laughed at your carefree expression, watching as you twirled and danced a little at the peace provided to you by the park. “Happy Birthday again! So how’s it feel like being a year older?”

“I feel like nothing’s changed, but at the same time nothing is the same too,” you told him through a laugh, “Does that make sense?”

“Totally. When I first got Yuuji, I didn’t think anything changed too, but now I can’t imagine a life without this little guy.”

Your adrenaline rush had worn down.

Walking side by side with Jin, arms brushing from the lack of proximity even though the area was practically empty, it dawned on you that Jin had lived an entire life before you, and you couldn’t stop yourself from asking: “Do you...do you still think about her sometimes? His mom?”

Jin was silent for a moment. The sudden stretch of nothingness had anxiety crawling at you hard enough you were about to apologize for asking such a sensitive question, but Jin only smiled at you, although his smile was...sad, regretful, even.

“His mom and I didn’t work out,” he began. “I always knew she had some family issues when we began dating in college, but I didn’t think too much of it. Back then, all I knew was that I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her, so we eloped. Her parents didn’t like it, of course, and they demanded we brought her back,”

“She was pregnant at that time so I refused to let her see her family again knowing how toxic they were to her. But they insisted, and...and she wasn’t the same after that. She just started looking at me differently and hating the growing child inside of her,” Jin kissed the top of Yuuji’s head as he spoke, almost as if silently reminding his son he was loved no matter what.

“When Yuuji was born, she couldn’t even look at him; said she refused to be a mother and to cut ties with me. So we divorced and...well, I don’t know, to be honest. Last time I heard, she’d already remarried in such a short time – to a man her family approved of this time around.”

“Do you still love her?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted with a chuckle, eyebrows furrowed while Yuuji clutched at the collar of his turtleneck sweater, his doe eyes staring right up at you. “Do we ever really stop loving someone?”

Your heart fell at his words. So maybe he still did love her. You always knew you might never get a chance – but surely wishing for it wasn’t such a crime. “Does that mean you won’t fall in love with anyone else anymore?”

“Who would like a nerdy single dad like me?” Jin threw his head back in laughter, the disbelief apparent in his voice. It shocked you that he thought of himself this way, because in your eyes, he was perfect. “Plus, I’m too busy to date. Other than you, I don’t really hang out with women all that much, and you’ve seen in my worst state – like that one time I nearly went to work wearing the wrong tie or with my glasses skewed. I don’t think I’m the type people would want to date.”

“Well, who knows?”

“Yeah, who knows?” he mimicked your shrug, still painfully oblivious that you wore your heart on your sleeve.

Once the sun had completely shied away from the clouds and the heat grew too much for Yuuji, you both resorted to going back to his apartment. Yuuji was happily playing on the ground as he smashed his toys together, while you and Jin wore matching aprons (you didn’t ask why he had two) as you mixed the batter and he preheated the oven.

“I’m still sorry I couldn’t get to buy you a cake, by the way. But we have all the ingredients here and a homemade cake is always amazing!” Instead of smiling at his words, Jin was met with your glossy eyes, lips trembling. You’d completely stopped mixing the batter, no longer in control of yourself as you watched him happily skip back and forth to the ingredients.

Jin rushed to your side in a flash, hands hovering before you. He couldn’t really touch you since he had flour all over his skin, a smidge of it right under his worried gaze. “What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing. It’s just...I’ve never really experienced this before. Having someone invite me to their home and bake me a cake for my birthday,” you looked down on the ground, feeling the emotional dam inside you starting to crack. “When I was young, I never even cared about my birthday because I was too busy tending after my siblings. After that, I forgot all about it and I was only surprised when my friends brought me gifts today,” You knew you were rambling, and you waved your hands in front of yourself, forcing yourself to smile. “I’m sorry – I’m being dramatic, aren’t I?”

“Hey, no, you’re not,” Suddenly, Jin pulled you into a hug, your body fitting perfectly in his arms. “I want you to know you’re family to us now. You’re always welcome here with me and Yuuji. We’ll take care of each other like family. We’ll bake you all the cakes you want from now on.”

The rest of his words were drowned out by the thumping of your chest.

You couldn’t hear him, couldn’t even properly see him – in that moment, all you could do was feel. You felt his warm breath ghosting over the column of your neck, his calloused hands patting gently at your back, the heat of his body seeping into yours that pulling away seemed to be such a daunting task. He felt like home, smelled like all the sweetness you lacked in your life, and you just knew you had to tell him.

“Jin. There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Yes?”

“I,” your breath shuddered, hands coming up to clutch at the material of his shirt. “I’m in love with you.”

Just like that, the string broke.

Jin pulled away from you faster than you could comprehend. When you opened your eyes, he was already at an arm’s length away from you, nothing but the sounds of your heart shattering into pieces muddling with his words.

His back dipped into a low bow. “I am extremely sorry; I cannot accept your feelings. It’s not that you’re not loveable; it’s just...you’re my son’s babysitter and I believe this is really inappropriate. Yuuji is vulnerable still and the last thing I want to do is date when I should be focusing on his life instead. I’m really sorry, Y/N. I don’t see nor do I feel that way for you.”

Hurt. Broken. Humiliated. Ashamed. Torn.

A plethora of feelings crashed over you all at once until breathing became such a hard thing to do, his words replaying like a broken record in your head.

He didn’t love you.

He didn’t feel the same way.

And it made sense – because why would he? “Yeah, oh my gosh!” you exclaimed while waving your hands frantically in front of your face, your unexpected enthusiasm causing Jin to peer up at you curiously under his lashes. “I mean, of course, I knew that already, duh. I’m not stupid, but like, yeah I’m really sorry, I’m probably making you so uncomfortable right now. I’m really, really sorry.”

“You’re not, I assure you,” he smiled gently again, but this time around, you weren’t soothed. It felt totally humiliating. Your toes curled inside your socks as your forced smile froze on your face in hopes of not making this any weirder than it already was, and you only chuckled as Jin cleared his throat. “I hope we can still be friends after this and that we can keep our professional relationship,” you nodded eagerly, a little too eagerly, and Jin awkwardly gestured to the pans. “So...a cake is waiting to be baked.”

“Yeah, let’s get to baking!”

If Jin noticed that you were a lot more enthusiastic than you were this morning, he didn’t comment about it. He hummed under his breath in agreement, the both of you working synchronously.

You’ve been in his house long enough that you knew where all the pans and ingredients were, silently handing things over one another through a forced polite conversation of how the other’s day went. A pat on your back was well deserved from how you managed to keep up with his questions, your broken heart perfectly concealed under forced smiles and dry chuckles.

In reality, you couldn’t focus.

On the inside, you were shattered. Why did you have to fall for him out of all people? There could’ve been so many others – like Fushiguro Toji from Biology, Gojo Satoru the playboy, Suguru Geto the heir of his large corporation – but it had to be Itadori Jin.

He was so close and yet out of reach, seemingly so unattainable that your lips had dried from how often you licked at them in an attempt to keep the tears in.

You knew you ruined everything. Soon, you’d have to say goodbye to baby Yuuji, no longer able to kiss him on top of his head and see him smile the moment you walked through the door, his dad equally alight upon seeing you got Yuuji a stuffed toy as a gift.

You were stupid for thinking you could even be part of this family. They were happy and fine enough – what role did you have here?

Compared to an actual working adult who’d already experienced many things in life like Jin, you were just a flimsy, lovesick little girl who was only learning how to love. And with loving, came the guaranteed promise of heartbreak.

You just never expected it would be this way.

As Jin turned his back to you to place the batter inside the oven, your hands shook, desperately wiping the sweat of your palms on your jeans. “Excuse me for a minute,” you dashed to the bathroom, locking yourself and finally allowing the broken gasps to leave your lips.

Your back was laid flat on the wall, your shirt tucked in your mouth as you slapped your thigh, the tears streaming endlessly down your cheeks.

You didn’t want to leave him. You wanted to stay longer, wanted to be able to see his face every waking morning and to make him tea while he made breakfast. You wanted to watch Yuuji grow up and hold hands with Jin, to tell him you would love him if he allowed you. But he didn’t – and it hurt so much that your eyes grew red from the incessant crying.

It was better to just leave than to be kicked out. You couldn’t stay here any longer.

So you wiped your tears away, dunking water to your face before you rushed out the room, bag slung across your shoulder. Yuuji stopped playing as he watched you wear your shoes in frantic movements, your heart bursting through with pain.

You didn’t dare look Jin in the eye.

“Hey, Jin, I’m so sorry – my friends called. They’re inviting me out for drinks tonight and I can’t say no.”

“But...the cake.”

“Yeah, you can eat it yourself, I’m really sorry to bother but uhm, anyways, BYE!” Left confused, Jin stared at the door slammed shut hard enough that Yuuji fell to the floor in surprise, small whines leaving his lips.

Jin couldn’t tell whether his son cried because you’d left them, or he was simply afraid of the sound. Whatever it was, the sinking feeling in his stomach was much too clear.

The next few days were hell. Your friends noticed the sudden drop in your mood, the loss of appetite, and the fact that you were clearly sleep-deprived.

How could you get sleep when your phone wallpaper was Yuuji kissing your cheeks, his dad laughing in the background? How could you sleep when your textbook still lay on your desk, a painful reminder of that time Jin had tutored you? How could you sleep when Wednesdays and Fridays had returned to its normal mundane self with nothing left to look forward to?

You couldn’t tell your friends about it either. All they knew was that you hadn’t been going to work because you came up with a flu, when in reality you’d been buried under your sheets, desperately ignoring the loud silence of your phone.

No texts. No calls. No how are you’s or how are you doing?

Not that you expected him to care since you did step out of line; you’d been completely unprofessional and Jin might not recommend you to future works anymore, though that was the least of your worries.

You just wanted to forget everything. His smile, his laughter, his kindness, the sound of his voice and how he always smelled like sweet vanilla.

Crying yourself to sleep and wishing each day would come to an end faster was absolutely exhausting. The lack of sunlight caused you to be groggy and gray – if you kept up at this state, you’d completely wither like a dried sunflower. You didn’t want to go out but your mini fridge was empty, stomach loudly grumbling for food.

You sighed as you closed the door, unkempt hair up in a bun and body adorned with an oversized shirt and the sweatpants you’ve refused to wash for two days now.

You were a mess – both on the inside and the outside – and your eyes lacked their usual warmth. Your movements mimicked that of a robot as you straggled to the nearest convenience store, about to enter when you heard someone cry out.

“Mama!”

Hands frozen on the door, your eyes widened before your head craned to the sound of rushed footsteps. In front of you was a panting Jin, a wailing baby Yuuji in his arms who only cried louder once he set his eyes on you. Jin gasped for air, and you both moved in sync, with you reaching out for baby Yuuji and him handing his child over to you.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry! Yuuji’s first word was Mama and I didn’t know what he meant but then he started crying and clutching the strawberry toy you got him and I’m so sorry, he just won’t stop crying. He kept looking for you.”

“No, I’m the one who should apologize!” you replied back, adding a bounce to your step to cradle Yuuji who’d buried his damp face onto your neck, crying mama over and over again.

Memories of meeting Jin for the first time and his reminder that he didn’t want Yuuji calling you that nearly made you kneel down in apology, but you opted for a slight bow, your hot tears trailing down your face because you missed him, but it was all messed up and seeing him once more only dug a deeper crater in your heart.

Before you completely left each other’s lives, you at least wanted to apologize.

“I realized my mistake and made it so weird for the both of us. Plus, Yuuji didn’t say Dada and I think that’s my fault. I swear I wasn’t trying to replace his mom or anything, I just—”

“I love you too,” he cut you off, and your eyes snapped from the ground back to his flustered face.

“What?”

“I’m sorry for lying that I don’t feel the same way,” he confessed, scratching the back of his neck while his ears flushed a deep red. “The truth is, my father always told me that Yuuji’s mom wasn’t a good person and I should stay away from her, but I never listened. A-and I always talked to him about Yuuji’s new babysitter and how kind you were and how I think I’m falling for you. He said I should man up and tell you but I was just afraid to love again since I’ve fallen before and I don’t want to be hurt again,” Jin bowed to you in a perfect angle, his son now at peace in your arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Jin,” you breathed out, the tears prickling at the back of your eyes. You couldn’t believe this was happening – you wanted to embrace him, to kiss him, hold him, but you’d been so engrossed in your own heartbreak you never even thought about Jin’s fears. “I’d never hurt you or Yuuji.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for hurting you like that,” he straightened up, feeling you stiffen under him when his arms wrapped around you. He felt so warm, and you felt so at place that your tears damped his sweatshirt, Jin’s hands gently caressing your waist. “Is it okay if we come back home?”

You cried louder than you ever did your whole life, though this time it was mixed with laughter. Jin laughed with you as you encircled your free arm around his neck to pull him closer, your lips eager as you littered kisses over his neck.

“Yes, of course,” you giggled, “You don’t even have to ask.”

You only ever wanted a job as a babysitter to make ends meet – falling in love was out of the equation – but with the magic presented right in front of you, you weren’t going to push it away, and neither did Jin. This time, you embraced each other wholeheartedly, pink hearts floating in the air while the strawberry-haired baby giggled in your presence, delighted that now his family was whole.

[tf2-hellhole]

can we get some fluffy tf2 headcannons? giving you full creative liberty over this one! :)

Idk if you meant tf2 x reader headcanons or just general head canons, so I did two sections for each merc; the first point is a general headcanon, the second is X Reader.

sorry this took forEEEEEEEEVER, I was just experiencing burnout and working on a prize for a contest on my server (BTW WE HAVE A NEW DRAWING CONTEST GO CHECK IT OUT)

Scout:

Scout is actually really self-concious about his intelligence. He’s not very bright and he knows it, and it makes him feel horrible. He had flunked out of high school and struggled in most of his core classes. He honestly feels really stupid and he hates when people point it out. But luckily for him, a lot of the other mercs understand what it’s like to be looked down upon and empathize with him. Quite a few of them help him relearn the skills he never mastered in school. Engie helps him with math, Spy sometimes helps him with writing, and even Pyro has him read children’s books to them to improve his reading.

Scout absolutely loves little casual dates. Stuff like going out to eat lunch, going to the movies, maybe just cuddling up in his quarters and watching a movie. He tries to plan one every week. His dream date is taking you back to Boston to meet his family and go to a Red Sox game. But obviously, since you’re both in New Mexico at the time, he’s going to have to shelve that dream for a few years.

Soldier:

Soldier is an excellent raccoon dad. At first, the other mercenaries thought they’d all end up dead by the end of the month when he first found them. But surprisingly, they are are very well cared for. They’re all fed regularly and basically have his entire assigned quarters to themselves. He loves every single one of them dearly, even the ones that hiss and scratch him every time. The raccoons, at least some of them, are kind of like weird, quiet dogs, and actually get along pretty well with most of the other mercenaries.

Soldier is a surprisingly very physically affectionate partner, and he’s not at all opposed to PDA. He loves hand holding, cheek kisses, cuddles, the whole nine yards. Whenever he’s particularly excited, he loves to run up to you, scoop you up into his arms, and press a hard, sloppy kiss to your lips. Of course, he’s careful to not hurt you, but he’s a very intense, emotional guy and he needs to express all that love he has for you!

Pyro:

Pyro is and excellent listener, so they’re a person a lot of the other mercenaries depend on to vent. Demo often comes to them to vent about his emotions, Scout, Sniper, or Medic will rant about what’s bothering them, and even Engineer will talk about his stress. And of course, Pyro doesn’t understand a lot of what is told to them, but they’re still happy to help them feel a little better, and they would happily do it a hundred times over to make their friends feel better.

Pyro has a hobby of baking and making candy/treats, and they love sharing everything they make with you. When they first gave you a treat, you honestly thought it’d be burnt or bad in some other way. But to your surprise, it was amazing! They’re actually and excellent cook, but they just love making sweet things the best. They’ll make you just about anything you could ask for without hesitation, but they’re best at making anything sweet.

Demo:

Demo obviously has the potential to pretty emotional when he’s drunk, there’s no doubt about that. But on the off-chance that he’s sober, he’s actually pretty sweet and considerate. Though he still is a rough-housing joker, he’s much more considerate of his friends’ feelings and has deeper and more meaningful conversations with them. He often likes to go to bars with his friends and co-workers on ceasefire weekends, having lots of fun conversation, drinking together, and generally causing chaos around town.

Demo, to put it simply, doesn’t like himself. He’s critical of everything, from his skills to race, because people have always put him down about them. His mother told him he’s lazy and unskilled too many times to count, just everyone makes fun of his eye, and many have made fun of his skin color. But you make him feel so much better about himself. Just the fact that someone so kind and gorgeous is actually with him makes him feel like he’s not as horrible as he thought. There’s been a couple of times where you’ve accidentally almost brought him to tears with a sweet compliment or show of affection, because he never thought in a million years that someone would love him and care for him like you do. He feels so blessed that he has someone like you.

Heavy:

I know the fandom’s decided that Engie is the Team Mom and makes the food, but I also think that Heavy cooks a lot too. He makes all of his own food, so he often makes a lot of extras to feed the team because a lot of them just eat junk food and Medic’s always complaining about their eating habits. Heavy often takes like half the food for himself (he does have a huge appetite and loves food, so he likes to take a lot) and just boxes up the leftover portions and leaves them in the fridge for the team to take. He says he’s only doing it because they can’t work properly if they’re unhealthy, but he also does it because he cares about their health. A little bit.

At first, you wouldn’t think Heavy’s the most cuddly guy. But surprise, he actually loves giving and receiving physical affection. He just doesn’t show it often out of respect for your boundaries, and doesn’t do it around others. His absolute favorite thing is to cuddle you against his chest. Sometimes it’s when going to sleep, or cuddling on the couch, or maybe just a quick hug. He just loves the feeling of your head resting against his chest and your arms trying (and failing) to wrap around his torso. It makes him feel like you’re safe. Nobody could ever get you when you’re wrapped up in his arms.

Engie:

You’d think Sniper’s the only nature nerd on the team, but Engie absolutely loves the outdoors, as well as animals. It’s because his father would often take him out camping every couple of months. It was often the only time he would get 1-on-1 time with his usually very busy father. So he does love the great outdoors, especially that of his home state. He especially loves animals. He was raised on a farm and helped take care of lots of injured wild animals with his mother. He absolutely loves pets and would like to have many when he retires. His dream is to have is own ranch, with horses and cows and a bunch of dogs and the whole shebang.

Engie absolutely loves playing the guitar, so of course he loves playing for you. He learns all sorts of sweet love songs to sing to you. He’s an excellent player and actually has a pretty decent singing voice (think Johnny Cash, he kinda has that singing style). I hope you like country music, because that’s all he’s going to sing to you until you give him some requests or he finds out your favorite artists or genres. You can tell how happy he is every time he gets to surprise you with a new song he learned, and he’d be a giddy, laughing mess if you sang along with him.

Medic:

You’d think this guy takes horrible care of his birds because of the environment he keeps them in, but his birds are actually exceptionally well cared for. He buys them only the best and most expensive bird food, gives them super high-quality water with vitamins n stuff in it, takes them to the vet regularly, the whole shebang. Yeah they get a little dirty from sitting around in his lab, but he always gives them a little bath at the end of the day to get all the blood and guts off.

Medic is honestly such a playful partner. Of course, around his co-workers he’s a little more professional; he still gives you soft touches, a kiss on the cheek, or a big smile, but that’s about it. In private, however, he’s such a sweetheart. He’s always sweeping you up into big hugs, kissing all over your face, and calling you all sorts of adorable nicknames in a variety of languages. It comes as a surprise, because you’d think he’d be a little more formal, but that’s really only for special occasions. It honestly brings him so much joy to have someone like you by his side, and every day he’s going to make sure you know just how grateful he is to have you in his life.

Sniper:

Sniper is an incredibly independent and self-sufficient man, but he’s also secretly a real mama’s boy. He loves his parents dearly and has a particularly close relationship with his mother. As well as sending them money every month, he sends them all sorts of gifts, letters, postcards, and souvenirs. He also makes sure to call them regularly. He goes home every couple of months to visit them, and one could see that he loves helping around the house and chatting with his parents. His mother loved gardening, so his number-1 favorite thing to do is help her in the garden.

Despite Sniper’s obvious lack of knowledge on self-care, he takes a lot of time out of his day to make sure you are happy, healthy, clean, and well-fed. He doesn’t hound you like a helicopter parent but he likes to ask how you’re feeling, if you’re hungry, stuff like that. It feels nice to know you’re taken care of or take care of you himself. If you switch it around and try to take care of him, however, he’s honestly baffled as to why you would care so much as to make sure he’s doing well. He does absolutely love the affection and attention he gets out of it though, it makes him feel loved.

Spy:

I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a head canon that Spy has a dog. Her name is Charlotte, and she’s an elderly Chihuahua. One would think he’d buy a French breed, but he found her out in the pouring rain one day and fell in love with her fluffy ears and spunky personality. She’s now 17 years old, extremely frail, missing most of her teeth, and extremely aggressive to anyone other than Spy, but he loves her dearly and pays for all of her medical expenses without batting an eye. And of course, she expresses her thanks with lots of kisses.

Spy loves dancing, and knows all kinds of dances, from flamenco to ballroom dancing to the Charleston to, canonically, disco. So of course, he’s dying to share all of the most romantic dances he knows with you. He’d love to actually teach you how to dance, rewarding you with kisses every time you finally get a move right and laughing softly when you make mistakes. But in reality, he just wants to use it as an excuse to dance with you against his chest and smother you in affection.

[becaeffinmitchell]

Fic: what i have (is who i carry home) (1/1)

Summary: Chloe, as it turns out, loves Valentine's Day.

Of course she does. Beca can't say she's surprised in the least.

aka, five Valentine's Days Beca Mitchell's had.

Note: After ten thousand years, I’m free! Or, you know, after eight years, I’m finally posting my first Bechloe fic. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone 🥰  Gif credit goes entirely to @evenstars​ (thank you so much again!)

Words: 4,954

Read below or on AO3!

--------

i. 2012, Freshman Year, Barden University

There are so many other things Beca would rather be doing.

Like go to the dentist. Actually show up for class. Spend time over dinner with her dad and the step-monster.

Okay, maybe not that last one. Nothing in the world would make her choose that.

But here she is, in that stupid red hoodie, holding that stupid bow and arrow, standing in front of people, refusing to sing that stupid song with Amy.

*

 Later, back at the auditorium where they have Bellas practice, Aubrey's voice is shrill and loud. (As always, Beca thinks.)

"Beca, you really need to be picking up the slack. We need every dollar that we can raise so that we have enough to cover our journey to the semi-finals, and you're dead last in our fundraiser right now."

Amy mutters something under her breath, soft enough for Beca to hear something about — the bus? The Trebles? She doesn't really know. Whatever it is, it's not something she wants to get in the middle of.

"Maybe we can think of something new to do." Beca's tone is dry, and she schools her expression into something neutral on her face, her head tilted slightly, knowing that Aubrey has to know she isn't just talking about the fundraising activity.

It's just — she can feel the potential of these girls, okay? And it's such a shame that they're stuck doing the same three songs, over and over. If she could at least try, show them her arrangements, maybe they'd have a fighting chance.

"I have the pitch pipe, and I say we do this exactly how we have been doing it."

Beca is about to say something snarky, something she knows is going to get under Aubrey's skin, when Chloe's voice rang out beside her.

"It's okay. I'll do it with Beca tomorrow."

She hasn't even noticed Chloe approaching them in the midst of this, so her head whips around so fast at the sound of her voice.

"Don't you have a class during that time, Chloe? That's the whole reason why we couldn't pair you up with Beca." There's something about Aubrey's clipped words that is super careful and controlled, like there's more that she wants to say but isn't.

Chloe shrugs, before turning to Beca with a beaming smile. "It's okay, skipping out on one Russian Lit lecture won't make a difference."

 *

 Chloe, as it turns out, loves Valentine's Day.

Of course she does. Beca can't say she's surprised in the least. She thinks she doesn't know anyone who's more enthusiastic about everything and anything.

There's something about Chloe that feels like embers starting at the base of Beca's dead, cold heart, warming it up and turning itself three sizes larger.

It's not a thing she wants to unpack right now; she's not the type to get attached to people, and especially not when she's going to go through with her plan, and leave at the end of the school year. It doesn't matter if her dad helps her or not.

"Do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Chloe's voice, melodic as it comes, breaks the silence as they walk towards the south quad. She looks ready to go through the entire residence hall, her angel wings bouncing behind them.

"It's a day corporations literally invented to convince everyone to buy cards and chocolates and flowers at jacked up prices, so..."

Chloe lets out a happy sigh. "Maybe so. But it's also a day to celebrate love! And love is so awesome. I love love. And I'm not just talking about romantic love, though that is nice. You can also celebrate the love from all relationships in your life. Like your best friends, or your parents, or your siblings."

Beca raises an eyebrow, because Chloe is just so goddamn earnest. She tugs at her hoodie. "Let me guess, you and shower guy have a date?"

"Who, Tom?"

"How many shower guys do you have?" There's a beat. "Actually, don't answer that."

 *

 So here she is, still in that stupid red hoodie, still holding that stupid bow and arrow, standing in front of people, and singing a duet with Chloe Beale.

 *

 The next morning, Kimmy unceremoniously drops a box at the foot of Beca's bed, a loud thud waking her up.

There's a sleeping mask, a whole clip of flash drives, two huge jars of peanut butter, and cans of Red Bull in the box. There's also a card, and her name is written carefully in the middle of an envelope.

Happy Valentine's Day, Beca!!!! I've said this before, and I'll say it forever: I'm SO glad that I met you. I LOVE that you love music like it's the one thing you can't live without. It's something that really resonates with me, too. You make us better. :) :)

xoxo,

Chloe!

 *

 Beca drifts off to sleep that night, the music still playing in her headphones. She's wearing that sleeping mask across her eyes.

 ------------

ii. 2014, Junior Year, Barden University

 The thing with Jesse is, he really loves these grand gestures of romance.

Sometimes Beca thinks that that's his favorite part. It's almost like he's in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

Worse still, in love with the idea of her, like she's this perfectly scripted character who exists for him.

Last year for Valentine's Day, Jesse had shown up at her dorm. Well, outside of her window actually, boombox on his shoulder. She'd tried not to wince, her lips pressed together into something resembling a smile (she hopes) to the strains of In Your Eyes, at the ungodly hour of dawn.

It isn't even that she had just gotten to sleep like, two hours before that. Or the very clear and enunciated "fuck off!" that her neighbor gave them, complete with a dramatic slamming of her window. At least she doesn't have to deal with that now, now that they've all moved into the Bellas house, newly renovated.

It was just a lot, right? And maybe she should have been a better girlfriend to anticipate it this year, or at least match some of that. Rise up to his level, or something. She just has a reservation to a fancy Italian restaurant in Midtown, and she made that way in advance. So maybe she gets points for that?

January rolls into February, and she dreads it. Every day is a countdown to The Fourteenth.

 *

 Here's the more pressing thing: Chloe seems sad. Not all the time, but Beca catches it occasionally.

She presumes she knows her best friend pretty well by this point, until she's doing things like failing a single class on purpose so that she doesn't graduate. For the second year in a row.

And Beca gets it, at least on an abstract level. If she starts thinking about what comes after graduation — and that's in a year and some — she gets nervous, too. But in no version of her reality does she get so paralyzed with fear, that she would opt to repeat her senior year like it’s groundhog year.

She wishes she could know why, for certain. She can't help if she doesn't know what's going on in Chloe's head, but for the first time, it's Chloe's turn to clam up and switch the subject.

So Beca doesn't push. She hopes it's enough to keep her afloat as she works through whatever it is. She doesn't really know what that entails, but music? Music she can do.

She pours her energy into putting together a really solid mix for Chloe; it's all the songs that remind Beca of her, and their friendship. She picks songs and arranges them and removes them before she puts them back in, because it has to sound right.

Beca feels like the world's biggest dork for giving it to her the morning of Valentine's Day.

Well, second biggest dork, because she intercepts Chloe leaving the gift boxes in the room, for her and Amy.

"Hey, uh. Happy Valentine's Day," she says, handing her the flash drive — one of the many that Chloe has gotten her over the years, like she's her supplier — and hoping she doesn't look as awkward as she feels. "It's not anything like your, like, super thoughtful gifts." She gestures in that general direction. "But you're my best friend, so... here."

She gets pulled into a hug, and Beca can't be sure, but it sounds like Chloe's 'thank you' is strained and she's about to cry.

Beca hopes it's enough.

 *

 "So, Jesse gave you just the one earring?"

Beca's back from the dinner. It was... nice? There was a string quartet and Jesse made them play John Legend's All Of Me, and Beca didn't actually die of embarrassment when he started singing along, so she'll chalk that up as a win.

"Yeah, it's like — symbolism, I guess. From the movie." Beca shrugs, chewing on the popcorn she's made that Chloe is currently stealing. She thinks about lightly smacking her hand away, but ends up shifting the bowl so that it's nearer to Chloe.

Does she regret putting Don't You (Forget About Me) in their setlist? Maybe.

Probably not, all things considered, because it worked well together with the other songs, and they did win the finals that year. But it elevated the movie to mythical and legendary status for Jesse, and if he does that arm raising motion one more time during squabbles he wants to get out of? Beca might lose it even harder.

"Is it symbolism or a metaphor? I could never tell the difference."

"I think it was a metaphor in the movie," Beca starts, a thoughtful expression on her face. "But more of a symbol for like, me and Jesse? Oh my god." She presses her free hand to her eyes. "You're such a nerd. Stop making me think deeper about this than I need or want to."

"I just think it's nice," she hears Chloe say.

Beca hums, tone neutral. "It's something, for sure. Wait." She whips her head to face her best friend. "You didn't go out tonight? Ms. 'I Love Love'?"

Chloe chuckles lowly, quietly. "I have all I need here in this house, anyway."

 *

 When Beca goes to the kitchen in the middle of the night for a glass of water, she thinks she hears the soft strains of her mix playing from Chloe's room.

   ------------

  iii. 2017, Brooklyn, NY

 It's apparently the warmest February in New York on record, but Beca is still fucking freezing.

The incessant chill envelops the air, and she pulls her coat closer to her. She's bundled under layers, but the radiator in their tiny little apartment is, as most things in it, almost completely busted.

Jesus Christ. It's cold.

 *

 Amy is convinced she's cold because she's moping, because she's sad about breaking up with Jesse.

Beca knows she isn't, and it's not just the long distance thing.

They'd given it a fair go, and it sucked that he got busier with classes and she tried to solve all of the music industry's problems as an associate producer, working hours trying to make tracks sound... sonically unrotten.

It's not just the long distance thing, because if Beca was honest with herself, it was probably a sign that when he told her that he was thinking of completing his studies in California, her immediate response was that of neutral indifference.

So, she is totally fine.

 *

 Beca hears Chloe singing softly before the door even opens, and she can hear it swing open too, and she knows Chloe is about to shrug her coat off —

"Don't bother, it's also cold in here," Beca says, from under the covers.

Then, her eyes track Chloe as she walks to the radiator —

"I checked, it's working. Supposedly."

"Aww." Chloe strides the distance — not that it's that long — and sits down on their shared bed. "You're so cute when you're grumpy."

"Aren't you freezing?" she chooses to deflect the comment, hugging herself petulantly. "Hey, how was your date with that guy at the clinic?"

Chloe hums noncommittally. "We went for coffee and he double-booked me with another girl."

"Dude. What a dick." Beca feels a flash of — annoyance? Chloe deserves the world. Chloe deserves everything she wants. "I'm sorry."

"I know. It's okay though." Chloe smiles at her. It's that smile that Beca catches that she thinks it's just for her, but she's also a logical person who knows that Chloe has that ability to make people feel like they're the most important person in the world. "I've got all I need right here."

Warmth pools at Beca's stomach, and honestly. It's a nice change from the freezing.

 *

 It's 2 AM, and they're cuddling, because of course they are; because Chloe is warm; because Chloe is an embrace personified; because... Chloe.

Beca stirs awake, and she feels Chloe's breath tickle at the base of her neck. She shifts, not uncomfortably. Then, Chloe's hand drifts sleepily, and lands somewhere on Beca's hip.

And then.

And then.

There is a sudden, startling clarity in Beca's mind, knocking the figurative breath out of her. Her eyes fly open.

She loves Chloe.

And not in the same way where she loves the rest of her found family in the other Bellas.

Oh no, a voice sounds in her mind.

Oh, this is very bad, she thinks.

She can't believe how still she is right now, feeling the entire weight of Chloe's body in contact against her. Feeling her slow, steady breathing against her back. She's not even cold anymore.

Okay. So she loves her best friend. Cool, cool, very cool. That's totally fine. She can handle this.

Chloe's been such a fixture in her life, at every turn; in every note in between the downbeat and upbeat that is her life. Music is in Beca's veins, her whole life, but music flows right through Chloe. She's tucked warmly in the melody, a motif throughout the entire song.

Holy shit, Beca thinks. She's been in love with Chloe for so long, she doesn't even know when it started.

 *

 Okay, so. There's a weird spot on the ceiling, right? And Beca just keeps staring at it, because if she closes her eyes, she will feel Chloe's presence so keenly, pressed next to her.

She can't do anything with this knowledge. She can imagine it now, Chloe giving her a comforting hug but tells her, sorry Beca, I love you but not in that way.

It's five whole years of friendship, of Chloe by her side no matter what, and that is the one thing that she's got that she doesn't want to risk, just because she had this stupid revelation.

God. It's so stupid. It'll pass. Right?

 ------------

 iv. 2018, Los Angeles, CA

 What is really fucking weird, even in the grand scheme of things, is journalists asking her if she's doing anything for Valentine's Day.

Which, like. First of all, Beca's not stupid, she knows it's a way to suss out her personal-slash-love life.

She's kept that pretty close to her chest for now.

But also, there's literally nothing to tell. She's not being defensive because there's something to hide away. Beca is knee-deep in work all the time, and she goes home to an apartment that feels too big for just herself. It's a big change from the entirely too cramped apartment in Brooklyn.

Sometimes she finds herself missing that very specific part of her life. Not the struggling and being unhappy doing work with no integrity, obviously. But Chloe is now a message and three hours ahead, instead of being a daily fixture in her apartment, and it leaves Beca feeling off-kilter.

But maybe that distance is a good thing, after... you know. Revelations.

Anyway.

Her work ethic doesn't stop rumors. She's linked to every guy available — and some not — every single time one of them likes her Instagram posts. She's pretty sure she's had at least two full relationships, according to the National Enquirer.

Theo gleefully sends her screenshots. She tells him to fuck off.

 *

 Chloe Look out, super star! I'm going to be in LA for a good friend's wedding in February!! If you think we're not going to hang, you're sorely mistaken.

 Beca is busy, but she sure as hell isn't going to miss Chloe coming to LA.

 Beca You have good friends outside of the Bellas? I am shocked, Beale.

 Chloe Don't be jealous 😉

 She's not. Not because of that, she catches herself thinking, and frowns at herself. Not because of anything, she decides. It's also exactly how she decides she doesn't have feelings for Chloe anymore, because Chloe is happy with Chicago, and Beca has work, and honestly? Best outcome out of every outcome possible.

Still, Beca offers up her apartment for the long-ish weekend that Chloe would be in town. She's not a monster, and Chloe has like, a mountain of student debt.

It's the least she could do.

 *

 (Beca thinks back to that first performance at the Citadel, just under a year ago. Thinks of all the nerves she's never felt before, while she's walking to the microphone. She's always had the girls on stage with her, but not this time. Her family would be seated in the front row, supporting her no matter how far she goes.

She gets to bring them up on stage this time, of course, but it's also a temporary balm and she knows it. But that's fine, she can figure that part out.

It's the after that smarts a little.

After the performance, after the event, after she feels that pit, growing and clawing from her stomach when she sees Chloe lock lips with Chicago.

After she walks away with Theo, trying her level best to carry on a conversation as if she's not affected by what she'd just seen; trying not to think of all the what-ifs.

After, on the plane back home, when she directs a small smile at Chloe's direction. If she's happy then she's happy for her.

It's the least she could do.)

 *

 Chloe's flight reaches the airport at 7 in the evening, and Beca's right there at LAX, waiting for her to emerge. She can see a couple of people with the big paparazzi cameras, training their lenses at her, but she doesn't care.

There's a flash of red as she sees Chloe running to her, and thankfully she catches her.

"Oh, I've missed you," Chloe says, so earnest and sincere as always; always, and Beca can hear her own heartbeat. She's almost worried that Chloe can too, like a traitorous Tell-Tale Heart.

"Yeah, well, regular sight for sore eyes, that's me." That's good, right? She hits jocularity right in the bullseye with that, as if she can't feel the top of her ears growing hot.

Chloe just laughs; like another kind of warmth. She draws her in again, hand rubbing up and down Beca's back.

Beca thinks she's stupid, for feeling like she's home.

 *

 They get to Beca's place, Chloe appraising the place appreciatively as she wheels her luggage in.

"This is already at least fifty times nicer than our little shoebox in Brooklyn," she observes, and Beca shrugs, a little embarrassed.

"I mean, the label's paying for it, and it's like, it's — it's ridiculous." There's a voice at the back of Beca's head repeating, our little shoebox, and she wants it to shut up.

But it is ridiculous. She has so much space, and two rooms; she sleeps in one and the other one is where she works. She's pretty sure she spends more time in the latter than she does the former.

"Anyway, uh, so here's my sort-of office, it's a bit of a mess right now." She waves her hand around (god, why is she using her hands so much) at the room with her equipment and instruments, before stepping to her bedroom door. "And here's the bedroom, which, like. You should take the bed. My couch pulls out and it's really comfortable?"

"Don't be silly," Chloe tells her, looking back at the king-sized bed. "We've slept in way more crowded spaces. This will be perfect."

Beca swallows, hard. Perfect.

 *

 Falling back into a routine with Chloe is scarily easy.

She's been here for less than three hours, and Beca's already back to being attuned to her. They put on some music in the background, she listens to Chloe talk so passionately about school and all the stuff she's learning, and Beca is so proud.

She brushes her teeth and changes into her pajamas after Chloe does, exactly like how they used to, and climbs into her bed.

"Oh, shoot, I almost forgot," Chloe's saying, and Beca cocks her head curiously to see what she's forgotten. Her best friend comes back with a box, and hands it over to her.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bec. Also, I don't think flash drives are in fashion now," she winks. "So your Google Drive storage has been renewed, for all the audio files you need to back up. Don't worry, I didn't look at anything else."

"Wh — oh. Oh, right, Valentine's Day, gifts and all," Beca says, and looks at the box in her hand. "Wait, is this —"

"Chocolate from your favorite place in New York? Yessss," Chloe says, a laugh coloring her tone. She settles back into bed. "Not that you have a shortage of chocolate places here, but Amy reminded me of the time she ate most of the last box after how you were saving your favorite pieces, so I thought I'd bring some here for you."

Beca's heart clenches.

"Thanks, Chlo." She's pretty proud of how unwavering her voice is. "I miss it."

"It's been tough for me too, not having you in my orbit," Chloe says, bumping their shoulders together.

"Yeah? Must be extra tough, because Chicago's not around either." Then she's scrambling. "Not that I'm like, comparing myself to your boyfriend in any way."

She sees Chloe's mouth twist to the side. Beca's eyebrows knit together.

"Chlo?"

"He's not my boyfriend anymore." Chloe's words are slow, measured. Like she's afraid of setting something off.

Beca pauses, as she takes it all in.

"Oh. I mean — Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's been..." Beca sees Chloe's furrowed brows as she thinks. "Three months, almost. Just right before Christmas."

Beca thinks back to Christmas; to the group messages, the online gift cards and food deliveries made in each other's names. Nowhere in her memory exists this piece of information, and she's pretty sure she's not been that shitty of a friend to miss this.

It feels a little bit like being hurt, actually.

"Oookay," she says, licking her lips a little, letting the air out of her slowly. "Okay. Well. Good night, Chloe."

 *

 Beca can't fall asleep, and she's pretty sure she knows why. It's been an hour of staring at the ceiling, and she tries to will her stupid mind to shut down for the night.

She thinks Chloe must be asleep by now; her body clock must be three hours —

"Bec?"

Beca pauses for so long that she thinks Chloe might actually think she's asleep.

"Yeah."

She feels Chloe shift. "I want you to ask me."

Beca wants to be obtuse and frustrating; wants to pretend she doesn't know what she's talking about. Instead, the confusion and hurt win out.

She pushes herself up on her elbows, then into a sitting position. It doesn't feel like a conversation that they should have lying down. She waits for Chloe to do the same, before finding her voice and words.

"Why didn't you tell me that you and Chicago broke up?" Dimly lit by the street lights outside, Beca sees her shift in place, and she feels Chloe's hand reaching for hers. "I thought — well. You know. That we tell each other things."

Which is slightly rich, coming from her, she knows. But still.

Chloe sighs, just quietly. "Because I have feelings for someone else."

Beca blinks, taking that in. It's a weird feeling because she's simultaneously crushed and hopeful, and maybe it's the hour, or maybe it's Chloe's hand in hers, but as her eyes sweep across Chloe's face, Beca is emboldened.

She leans in, and time feels like it's slowing down as she closes the distance and presses her lips on Chloe's, roughly and then temperately.

Beca's not the most impulsive person. In the moments, though, when she is, they always leave her wondering if she'd done something stupid — like punching creepy middle-aged a cappella guys, like leaving in the middle of a fight, like pulling the girls up on stage during her solo set.

Like kissing Chloe Beale in her bed.

So she pulls back suddenly, as quickly as she had started it, an apology already stumbling out. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I just assumed, I'm so sor—"

Chloe makes a noise; something that sounds like no, her eyes so startlingly blue even in this light, and Beca freezes. She's sure her brain is working out some sort of rambling apology or excuse, maybe pass it off as a joke somehow?

But Chloe pulls her back in, both thumbs lightly touching Beca's cheekbones as she meets their lips again.

This second kiss is deeper, slower, more connected. It takes her breath away, as her hand curls at the back of Chloe's neck. Chloe tastes like mint and sweetness and sincerity, and a little like hopeless optimism on Beca's part.

A soft gasp escapes, and Chloe pulls away this time.

Beca has a tentative smile on her face, as she takes in a breath heavily; the questions written so plainly on her face.

Chloe's eyes shine.

"It's always been you, Beca."

 ------------

 v. 2020, Los Angeles, CA

 Having your anniversary on Valentine's Day is good. And bad.

Mostly good, because it means that Beca has that to help keep herself honest and not forget it, because it's impossible to.

Also, she won't forget, but, you know. Just in case.

Bad, especially last year, because it fell right around the Grammys weekend, and apparently when you're nominated and win pretty much... every single category you're in, that's kind of a big fucking deal.

(It started with Best New Artist, and by the time she's on that stage a fourth time, she literally had no other words and nothing but so much gratitude.)

But yeah, so last year's Valentine's Day-slash-anniversary was overwhelming. People contacting her from all corners, wanting to congratulate her and get some sound bites; the internet pouring both support, and scathing critique on her and her music.

Beca wishes she could say she rose above it, that she was as cool as her publicist thinks her to be.

Instead, Chloe had to deal with her, a stressful human ball of anxiety and nerves. Amazing, wonderful, sweet Chloe, just happy to be around her during these exciting and utterly vulnerable times.

 *

 This year, though. This year she's older and wiser.

Hopefully.

This year, the day falls on a Friday, but they've decided to celebrate it the next day and through the weekend instead, because Chloe has a seminar she needs to attend for school, and Theo had packed Beca's entire day with a long meeting.

Key word: had.

At 7 AM, as she wakes up groggily and checks her phone, the invite has disappeared from her calendar, presumably rescheduled for some other time. She vaguely notes the message from Theo about entire teams not being available, and Beca's not going to question the reason why, because she's immediately looking up flights to Ithaca and books the first one out.

 *

 (I'm not private jet rich, dude. Also, carbon footprint. Text to Amy, because of course.)

 *

 Here's her plan:

She'll make a beeline to Chloe's apartment (Beca's been here plenty of times, in the past couple of years; met her friends here in Cornell, hung out with them, appreciated that they're her support circle while she's here), and she'll say something incredibly dorky, and Chloe will kiss her, and then, they will properly celebrate.

God, the things Chloe can do with her mouth; the sounds Beca can get her to make.

Beca doesn’t even bother squirming in the plane seat.

 *

 Chloe I have a surprise!!!

Whereeee are you? 🥰🥰🥰

 *

 Here's what happens instead:

Beca has to fly back home — noun, the place where she lives; noun, Chloe — because while she was spending six hours flying east, Chloe had done the same in the opposite direction; her seminar being canceled (something about the professor being sick?).

She can't believe it.

Okay, she can maybe believe it.

God, the Bellas are going to have a field day with this.

 *

 In the group chat, Chloe's taken a selfie of herself in Beca’s apartment and captioned it: I flew here a day early to surprise Beca, but she flew to Cornell instead to surprise me too 😂

 Emily OMAG YOU GUYS that is SO CUTE!!!!!!

 Beca reads Emily's text, shaking her head, knowing that this is the younger girl's version of restraint.

 Flo One time I thought a guy was going to propose to his girlfriend on the plane, but turned out he was having a heart attack instead.

 Jessica&Ashley #justsoulmatethings

 *

 Rush hour in LA is so horrible, and it's nearly 8 PM when she finally gets back to her apartment. She jogs all the way from the Lyft to her door.

Beca never jogs.

Her own door flings open, and she sees the smiling face of the woman she loves.

"Flying cross country for me is so romantic."

"You did that too," Beca points out, a small smirk on her face.

"Yeah, but you did it twice." Chloe beams, and kisses her again, and again.

[sxveme-2]

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Two: The One With the Fanboy

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 1854

Now lets do a quick background explanation of a pretty key player in this love story. Hunter Osborne-Harvey. The child of Scott and Lily. He was created out of what was believed to have been love. That's what Lily had believed at least. When Lily had found out she was pregnant, while juggling a relationship as well as working through medical school, she did not believe it at first. She had taken around eight pregnancy tests before she eventually ended up at the doctor's office...confirming her biggest fear.

She was expecting.

Scott proposed to Lily shortly after she had broken the news to him. Lily, who had been caught off guard, had accepted with no hesitation. The two had only been together for around a year and a half, and that really was not enough time for two people to decide whether or not they would settle down for the rest of their lives together. Not to mention, the two together had no money. Well...that was what she thought. Turns out, Scott's family had a rainy day fund for him, and the two seemed to be well taken care of.

Where the money came from? Lily was never sure. She supposed his family was most likely saving up for him to go to an ivy league school, but only had to pay for a simple engineering course instead. Leading their son into a successful career. So when Scott began to work full time, he seemed to be home even less. It was shortly after Hunter was born, when things began to really go sour between the two.

After work, Scott would typically go out with his buddies and come home piss drunk to struggling med student, Lily, rocking a fussy Hunter in her arms while studying for a large test the next day. Instead of offering help, he would stumble off to bed and pass out instantly. Leaving Lily to rely on her advanced mind to get her through med school. And somehow, she did it, with hard work, tears, and many nights sleeping at Genevieve's away from Scott.

As Hunter grew up, he seemed to face a few...development issues. He rarely spoke, and could be found sitting alone in his room staring out the window, a lost look in his deep brown eyes. Scott and Lily fought night after night over this particular issue, and a few dozen others. This carried on for seven years of Hunter's life. He would lay awake at night and listen to the insults that were hurled back and forth. His father would end up storming out of their small one story home, which cued a string of sobs from his mothers lips. On these nights, Hunter would crawl into bed with Lily and hold his broken mom close as she slept.

It was later uncovered that Hunter's IQ was off the charts, just like his mothers. Doctors suggested advanced work and study methods. This led into some of the most aggressive fights. Lily wanted her son to be taught as a regular kid, instead of being held at a higher level like she was. Constantly being singled out and then ridiculed if she got anything wrong. Scott, however, believed Hunter should be taught at an advanced rate, so in the future he can be worth billions.

That night got particularly heated, and Aunt Gen had to come and pick him up to stay at her apartment above her cafe. They stayed up all night and watched movies before falling asleep on the couch. The following day, his Grandpa and Grandma picked him up and said he'd be staying with them for a bit.

A week later, he was informed of his parents' separation.

And now, he lived happily with his mother 90% of the time, dreading the weekends he'd have to be at his fathers with his dad's new wife and baby girl. He was ignored most of the time, being left to fend for himself as Mary, his step-mom, and his father would go out to friends' homes. He had to care for Leila, his half-sister, with a useless babysitter.

Anytime he brought up a change of custody, Lily would shut the conversation down. Though she suffered all those years with scott, the blonde knew that he loved hunter. Even if he did not have a very good way of showing it. She knew Hunter would rather be home with her, grabbing breakfast at Aunt Gen's, ordering pizza for dinner while watching movies and shows. Playing in the backyard with joey.

Sleeping in Lily's bed when he heard her crying at night.

-----

"Who's here?" Lily wondered aloud as she walked to her and Hunter's usual spot near the kitchen at a booth.

"Okay, Hunter, if I tell you, you have to swear not to go all superhero nerd on me okay?" Genevieve grinned while sliding into the booth next to the young boy, "I know your whole obsession with these righteous men and women." With a reassuring nod from the quiet boy, Lily watched as Gen began, "The one and only Captain America is here. With his two best confidants, Falcon and Winter Soldier."

Lily's eyes immediately turned towards her son. She couldn't help but grin widely at the bright and beaming smile that lit up his face after Gen broke the news. His chocolate brown eyes sparkled as the fanboy in him boiled to the brim. But, he had promised to keep his composure. Instead, Lily watched as he pursed his lips and his grin grew bigger.

"Where are they sitting?" he managed out, attempting to take deep breaths to relax an overwhelming amount of adrenaline and nerves dancing through his body.

Gen nodded her head gently towards her left side, causing both mother and son to glance slyly to where the few people in the cafe seemed to be also sneaking glances of. And sure as shit, there the three sat. Chatting lowly over coffee and pastries. Glancing back towards her son, Lily could see the excitement growing more and more the longer he looked at his heroes. All over his room, posters of Captain America, Iron Man, Black Panther, etc, littered the walls. Action figures and collectibles stacked up on his shelves. Hardcore fanboy. It was endearing to see.

"Mom! Could I go ask for an autograph?" Hunter pleaded as he looked over at his mom and aunt, who exchanged weary looks. The two shared that telepathic conversation that all best friends can do, before turning towards the boy sat opposite of them.

"Go ahead kiddo. But do not make a scene." Lily started with a gentle smile, leaning forward with her pointer finger extended. The blonde boy wrapped his pointer finger around his mothers before sliding out of the booth and towards the men he idolized, "We just made a huge mistake, didn't we?"

"Nope. You did. He will never shut up ever again," Gen chuckled while sliding out of the booth, "usual order I'm guessing? Secret blueberry pancakes for Hunter and croissant with icing sugar for you?"

"You know me so well, and I hope he doesn't shut up. It'd be nice to hear him talk from time to time." Lily chuckled as a waitress poured her coffee into a mug.

Bringing the hot liquid to her lips, Lily’s eyes turned to glance at the group her son just went to talk to. They all had sideways smiles on as they laughed at something said. Whether it be from her son or one of them. The heartwarming smile that Lily seemed to be known for stretched across her lips as she sipped the dark liquid in the white mug she held. All of the sudden, Hunter turned and pointed back towards their table, the three men's eyes following his arm. They all raised a hand and gave a gentle wave.

This in turn, caused Lily to basically spit out her coffee. Or more so...actually spit out her coffee.

One of the men, the one she recognized as the Falcon, noticed the spillage and stood from his seat, making his way over and sliding into the booth across from the young girl. Lily's eyes blew wide as her cheeks flushed a bright red against her fair skin.

"Steve has a tendency of making women spit out their drinks, something to do with his charm or something," the dark skinned man chuckled as he cleaned the coffee off the table, "Sam Wilson. And I'm guessing you know the blonde. and the rugged robocop would be Bucky Barnes."

Bucky Barnes. Lily's eyes slid from the coffee in front of her to the other two men still putting up with her obsessed son. She seemed to catch the gaze of the long haired one, the superhero mentioned prior. Right as they locked eyes, both turned away. Lily's cheeks only heated up more as she cleared her throat.

Like said before, she wasn’t much of a talker.

"Sorry about my son, he loves you all a lot," Lily said, her voice a mere murmur as held the mug up to her lips, "Oh and uh...I'm Lily. Lily Osborne."

Sam seemed almost...shocked? by the words that left the blondes lips. As though he didn't believe a part of what she had said. Was she known among the superheroes or something? Maybe her fathers botanist studies? Or the fact a young boy was in love with superheroes? But they all seemed pretty unlikely. Most young kids liked superheroes. Especially those who fit the same archetype as Hunter.

"There is no way in hell you're that young kid's mom. You're way too young." Sam laughed softly, shaking his head.

So that was why he didn't believe her. Most people have that assumption. That they were brother and sister rather than mother and son. Lily was only thirty three, and had a youthful glow to her it seemed. Though whenever she looked in the mirror, all she saw was all of those years of hard work and sadness. The weight of being a single mother weighing down the under eye skin that was now seemingly bruised. The dull aura of her busy work schedule and stress with handling a fairly difficult ex-husband.

"Yeah, he's my son. Look's more like me than his father, luckily." Lily laughed softly, nibbling at her lips. A nervous habit. Her mother used to scold her on the daily for it, saying that the precious skin on her lips was for the kiss of someone she loved, not to be pulled open by anxiety.

"Well he's a sweet kid-” Sam stated before being interrupted by Steve and Bucky calling him, as they headed towards the door, "It was nice meeting you Lily. You've got a good kid on your hands," he continued, writing down an address and number on a napkin, "Swing him by the compound one day. I'll give him a tour."

Lily gave a simple nod goodbye as she slid the napkin into her purse, grinning as her beaming son returned to their booth, looking more vibrant than ever. He began to rave about how awesome Captain America was and how quiet the other guy was. Bucky, right. Gen slid their food down in front of them before sending lily a quick wink.

"Aunt Gen these are blueberry!"

[beebrainedstudios]

Next up for the refs, Maxim! A complicated design for a complicated man. My opinions on Maxim went from love to hate to “I wish you knew what you were doing;” he’s a really fun character, especially with the context of the Steel Prince comics. That being said, just like with the Danes I’ll be including design notes and headcanons under the cut, which may include spoilers for the comics; ergo POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR STEEL PRINCE. You have been warned. Also, my writing got really small on this ref, so I recommend clicking the image if you want to read the ref notes.

Anyways, on to Maxim!

- First up, hair. Maxim has a multitude of locks that all vary in length; he grew them out after he took the throne and has barely cut them since. There’s no specific way Maxim likes his hair, as he’ll arrange it into various different styles depending on his mood. The gold rings are actually there to help with this process, as they allow him to move each lock individually with his magic when he’s putting it up. This variable ring structure has the added bonus of creating a cool rippling effect when his magic activates; when Maxim quite literally gets heated, his influence spreads to the rings and any other small metal objects in the area, allowing his locks to shift in the heated air in an effect Rhy jokingly refers to as a “solar flare.” Maxim’s mood can actually be gauged purely by how much his hair moves or how warm he is, which is a trait his family finds endearing even if he himself finds it mildly annoying- after all, it’s difficult to come off as calm and composed if everyone in your kingdom knows your hair will give away how ticked off you are.

- As for his outfit, I love the asymmetrical geometric aesthetic put forth in the comics for Red London royalty; naturally, I leaned hard into this aesthetic and then immediately hid it all behind overly-complicated armor. Maxim is a huge armor nerd- anything metal is his specialty, and he prides himself immensely on both his armor and his weapons. He got his armor early in his youth and fiercely maintained it throughout his life until he was as attached to it as Kell was to his coat; he likes to swap parts around from multiple sets to create new looks. This is considered light armor for Maxim- at minimum he’ll have his crown and breastplate on. It’s very rare to catch him without any gear, but on the rare occasion one does, they’ll find he has a very similar outfit to Rhy, especially from the waist down. Fun fact, both he and Rhy’s pants are based on fencing knickers (fencing uniform pants), since both myself and VE Schwab are fencers. 

- Maxim has many scars from his time at the Blood Coast, including two nasty ones on his brow and nose. He used to be rather embarrassed by them until he met Emira, who loved his scars as a part of him and told him so constantly. Now, like his armor, they are a source of pride.

- Speaking of pride, Maxim takes a lot of it in how he looks, especially with his hair, eyes, and clothes. As such, Rhy learned most of his knowledge about maintaining his appearance from his father; the only thing Maxim couldn’t contribute to was Rhy’s hair care, as that is something his son has more in common with his mother. Maxim often wakes himself up by doing his hair and picking out his jewelry in the mornings, and if he’s feeling particularly bold he may even slip on some golden eyeshadow or a flashier necklace. Maxim has never mistaken the value of appearances in how someone feels about themselves either; he is liberal with compliments in the palace both to family and staff, as he knows someone does their best work when they feel happiest in their skin. He takes particular care to comment on Kell’s coat and hair, as he knows his adopted son’s appearance is a point of self-contention that he doesn’t want to foster. 

- Maxim’s sword is like Kell’s coat; he carries it everywhere- even to social functions- and is unashamedly fond of it. It is essentially the larger version of the royal half-sword that Maxim can wield in either hand (he’s ambidextrous!) and can even change the style of; if he wishes for it to be a two-handed sword, he only has to stretch the grip with his magic. Maxim can heat it forge-hot without it melting; in this state it’s incredibly dangerous and can cut through almost anything. There are two easter eggs in the runes on the sword, if anyone wants to look close enough to find them!

- All of Maxim’s stuff is sun-themed as a half-callback to the Maresh symbol, which has given him the additional title of the “Molten Sun,” an affectionate term used by guards to refer to their commander-in-chief. Maxim is really close to his guards and treats them as extended family; after all, he used to be one of them. He knows most of them by name and is fiercely protective of them- anyone who tries to mess with his staff as a whole is due for a personal warning from the king to desist, which is best heeded if one doesn’t want to drink their meals for a week.

- As said on the ref, Maxim is big. He spends a lot of his free time training as a nervous habit, which regardless of effect on his psyche keeps him in tip-top shape at all times. He’s easily as tall as Holland and is one of the few people Kell must stand upright with to look in the eye. He’s also immensely strong; this man could probably bench-press three guards in full armor with Emira sitting on top. I’ve seen some people suggest Athos alone could win in a fight against him before- maybe its due to the state of my own design for said Dane (in summary, scrawny as heck), but the only way I can see that going down in a one-on-one confrontation is with Athos getting punted like an angry white football. Personal preference, I guess.

- Now for personality! Maxim is a lover and a fighter, beloved and seen by all in his kingdom as a ray of sunshine, especially after the stormy clouds of his father’s cold and strict reign. He is as kind as he is tall and spends a lot of his time helping citizens solve problems or simply drifting around the palace, ready to aide his staff in their jobs. He’s vibrant and animated, too; the palace is often stirred to life when the sun rises by Maxim’s “quiet” singing as he heads towards the kitchens. Little does everyone know, behind that cheery and loving facade is an incredibly calculating individual. Maxim was born and raised only to be the perfect war king by his father Nokil with little personal care or respect for Maxim’s wishes, and though Maxim vowed to never be like him, some of Nokil’s parenting still unfortunately rubbed off. Maxim is always watching for threats and prepping for battle, mentally, physically, and otherwise; a threat to him or his kingdom is constantly around the corner, as far as he’s concerned. He must have a plan at all times or else he gets anxious and defensive, and if he’s backed into a corner, he’ll choose a risky course of action over no action at all (ergo, the Osaron fight). Maxim may be deeply loving, but he can’t help but see people’s worth to the kingdom first; when he’s feeling stressed it takes real effort for him to step back and see people as people instead of pawns he’s trying to get across the board.

- As far as hobbies go, Maxim doesn’t spend much of his free time on himself; he’s a full-time father, king, and husband, which leaves little room for downtime. Most of what he has left over he devotes to training, courtesy of his father’s horrible “kingdom-first” mindset that has still scars his adulthood. Still, Maxim does have a few interests he fosters; he loves cartography (a trait he shares with Kell) and likes to make his own maps by hand. He also loves chess, music, and gem/metal geology- if Emira wasn’t already in charge of the kingdom’s finances Maxim would have spent it all on new gemstone inlays or gold decorations. He’s still a fun-loving man, even if he doesn’t know how to spend much time on himself.

- Maxim is a very caring father and husband; he loves his family to bits and is completely devoted to them, even if he sometimes royally slips up when things get difficult. He and Emira both believe in equally sharing parental duties, so he spent a good chunk of his time when Kell and Rhy were growing right beside them, guiding them along. Contrary to what one may think, Maxim was the parent Kell was always closest to; they could often be found together in the map room, Kell watching with fascination as Maxim carefully traced the lines of landmarks and geographical features, switching his quill between hands when one grew too tired. Meanwhile, when Rhy wanted to hang out with his father, they both would spar with wooden swords or play games like hide-and-seek or chess together. It was only due to Maxim’s own poor father that Maxim was unable to properly communicate with Kell post-ADSOM; he simply assumed a little distance would do them both good, unaware that he was both continuing a cycle of neglect by repeating his father’s mistake and giving Kell the one thing he didn’t need (for those who don’t know, Nokil- Maxim’s dad- sent Maxim to the most dangerous part of the empire, the Blood Coast, because Maxim disobeyed him. Maxim emotionally did something very similar in AGOS by treating Kell coldly). Nonetheless, Maxim never stopped considering Kell a son and recognized his mistake; unfortunately, by the time he saw his error in the cells, he was in too deep to give Kell the freedom he needed and Kell was too angry to try and compromise until circumstances were more favorable. Maxim also never stood up for Kell against Emira; between his wife and his son, he always assumed Kell was the stronger of the two and would eventually stand up for himself. This, as we all know, turned out to be false, and Maxim regretted it for the rest of his life that he never tried to talk to Emira about her treatment of the second son of the Maresh family. 

So yeah, sorry for the long wall of text! I really like Maxim as a character (even if I acknowledge he struggles badly as a parent) so I wanted to give him more depth and a design worthy of his complexity. I hope you enjoyed it; if anyone has any questions or comments I’d love to hear them!

[cruciferousjex]

The Attendant Five:

Make The Bad Thing Good

"Look, I don't have the temperament for...for whatever the fuck this is, " Glimmer said. She paced back and forth before the couch where Catra sat, hugging her arms around herself, still in her bloody clothes despite Hordak following her about with a folded nightgown, desperately urging her to take it.

He had reacted badly to the blood. He was still at his post outside the dining room door when Prime finally dismissed them, after a hours of grilling about Etheria and the weapon it contained. Hordak straightened on seeing the girls exhausted and covered in blood, his green eyes going wide. He took Glimmer by the shoulders and turned her, looking for the wound. 

"It's okay," Glimmer said tiredly. "It's not my blood."

He glanced conceredly at Catra.

"Not hers either."

He looked back and forth between them. Something flickered in his expression. His eyes narrowed. He glanced back inside the dining room as if to hold someone accountable for this offense to his charges, but the dining room was empty. He returned to the girls,  placed his hands protectively on their upper backs, and gently urged them back towards their rooms, dead eyeing any clone who passed them in the halls. As soon as they got there he retrieved fresh clothes for them, which Catra opted for, but Glimmer was too much of a nervous wreck to do anything but pace.

Catra lay on the couch, wearing the simple white nightgown Hordak had handed her, sipping tea as she watched Glimmer traverse the living room, Hordak following her with a nightgown. 

"How are you so calm!?" Glimmer snapped at Catra.

"Look Sparkles, nobody just 'has' the temperament for this. Especially not you. You're a Princess, of course you don't understand anything about rulers."

"The fuck this that supposed to mean?"

"That means if you ARE the ruler you never have to learn to work a ruler."

"Oh, because you learned to work Hordak, is that it?"

"Pretty much," Catra said, drinking her tea.

Glimmer glanced at Hordak, who at this point was wide-eyed and limp eared with concern, practically begging her to take the nightgown. She turned to Catra with a look of quiet horror.

"Catra...was...was Hordak like that?"

His ear flicked slightly at the name.

"No," Catra said. "No, Hordak was...I mean he could get angry and violent, but he wasn't like...twisted." She looked at him. "He was actually kind of pathetic. All he cared about was trying to buy his way home."

"By using Etheria as payment? How is that not twisted?"

"I meant in the sense that he never forced me to eat a bowl of myself or walk around with my tit out."

Glimmer frowned. "Well that's...something. I guess." She turned to Hordak and took the nightgown. The relief on his face was palpable. "Why would you ever want to come back here?" she asked him.

Hordak quirked his head at her, not understanding the question.

"I mean...when something is all you know,  it's all you know. Even if it's bad," Catra said, looking down into her teacup. "It's like you have to make the bad thing good. You have to make the bad thing good or ...or you'll die, or something."

Glimmer 's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about? There's nothing good to be made from Prime. What did he think he was going to change?"

Catra didn't reply at first. She sighed.

"Sparkles...Glimmer...your mom loved you, right?"

Glimmer seemed taken aback. "Yeah? Of course she did. Everyone's mom loves them."

Catra laughed grimly. 

"What?" 

"Okay first of all, no, not everyone's mom loves them. Some moms are fucked up. Some dads are fucked up. Sometimes parents have their own fucking goals and you aren't one of them. But like… that doesn't matter when you're the kid, you know?"

"I don't."

"Even if they're fucked up you still...love them.  And like...you want them to love you. More than anything. More than like...breathing. Even if you don't like them, even if you HATE them, you literally feel like you'll die if they don't love you, like there's a huge…hole...in you...and you'll do anything…." Catra's voice broke. She grimaced. "You'll do anything you think you have to do. For Hordak, that was take over Etheria." She sighed. "At least I think that was what was going on with him."

Glimmer considered this. 

"Is that...is that also what was going on with you?" Glimmer asked softly.

Catra's mouth made a tight line. She gazed into her tea.

"Go get changed,  Sparkles. Take a bath or something." She turned to Hordak. "Attendant, draw a bath for the queen."

He leapt into action, seemingly overjoyed to be put to work.

"Catra-"

"Look how happy he is," Catra chuckled. "He's drawing the living fuck out of that bath. Go. You'll hurt his feelings."

Glimmer frowned. 

"Go!" Catra said. "I can't watch you freak the fuck out anymore, okay? Go calm your royal nerves."

Glimmer gave an exasperated sigh and followed Hordak.

"Careful he doesn't make you absolutely squeal," Catra called after her.

Glimmer shuddered and made a big show of pretending to vomit. Catra laughed.

"I'm absolutely horking chunks," Glimmer said. "Prime's so gross."

"He's so fucking gross," Catra agreed. 

***

While Glimmer bathed, Hordak joined Catra in the living room and carefully folded their bloodied clothes, then dumped them in what she assumed was some sort of hamper. His eyes narrowed as he did this. Mouth made an even straighter line than usual.

"You're… you're pissed off, aren't you?" Catra asked softly as he refilled her tea. "I know that look."

Hordak did not reply. He stood next to the couch with his hands clasped behind his back, servant like, at the ready. 

"Sit down," Catra said. 

He made to sit on the floor.

"On the couch, dipshit," Catra said. "God, we were taking over Etheria together and now you don't even know how to sit on a couch. Remember building all those cool robots? Coming up with all that...stuff? You used to really love being in your lab tinkering with things. You called it your Sanctum." She took a sip of tea. "Fucking nerd. Now look at you. All of that...all of this...for him? For that guy, Hordak? He doesn't love you, he was never gonna love you, and now you're-"

Hordak watched and listened patiently, green eyed, expressionless.

An ache rose up in her.

"Whatever, " she muttered into her teacup. "You made your bed. This was what you wanted, right?" Her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes burned. "Bet you thought winning would be different, huh? You thought Prime would hug you and spin you around? Tell you you're a good boy?"

He tilted his head. Blinked.

"I'm sorry he did this to you, " Catra said, sniffing. "You were a real piece of shit, but…." 

Hordak took a napkin from the tea tray and handed it to her. 

"What's this for?"

He pointed to her cheek. It was wet.

"Aw. Aw fuck," Catra said, dabbing at her cheek. "I know I'm not crying over you."

He stared at her.

"I wish you'd talk," Catra whispered.

Hordak frowned, and with much effort, said, "Good...boy."

"Yes," Catra said. "Yes, you're a good boy."

And he smiled, as though that were all he needed to hear.

***

After Glimmer's bath Catra had one, then Hordak herded them into the bedroom like a sheepdog. 

"Oh is it bedtime? Is this like, enforced bedtime?" Glimmer asked. "What are you my mom?" 

"I could go for some enforced bedtime, I'm exhausted," Catra said. "One bed. Thanks Prime, you sicko weirdo fuck." She frowned at it. "Though to be fair it's huge."

"Prime sized," Glimmer muttered.

"He wishes," Catra said.

"He clearly does and it scares the shit out of me," Glimmer said. 

There was a knock on the door. The girls froze. Hordak's eyes narrowed with the same anger Catra had seen while he folded their bloody clothes.

"What the hell does he want now?" Catra asked. "It's the middle of the night."

Hordak went to answer the door. Catra and Glimmer remained in the bedroom listening.

"Prime requests the presence of the Queen and her Lady," said a clone.

There was silence for a long moment. Glimmer and Catra exchanged worried looks.

"Sleeping," Hordak finally said, as though it was difficult for him to find the word.

"Prime requests the presence of the Queen and her Lady," the clone repeated.

"Asleep," Hordak said. "Sleeping."

Catra peeked around the door frame. The clone tilted his head, peering at Hordak.

"Prime. Requests the presence. Of the Queen. And her Lady," the clone insisted, slowly, as though Hordak were too stupid to understand him. 

Hordak lifted his chin.

"Sleepy," he said, crossing his arms. "Sleepy girls."

The clone frowned. There was a tense standoff, which ended when Hordak simply took a step back and allowed the door to slide shut between them. 

Catra and Glimmer gave big sighs of relief. Hordak joined them in the bedroom, glancing back at the door as he walked.  

"Thank you, Hordak," Glimmer said. "Good boy." 

He smiled.

"Are you going to get in trouble for that?" Catra asked him.

"Oh no," Glimmer said. "Oh god, do you think-"

"I don't know. I mean I'm pretty sure he just disobeyed a direct order." Catra's eyes widened. "Holy shit, Hordak. How did you-"

She stopped talking when Hordak slowly raised his arms and placed his hands on top of each of their heads. He looked at them both in turn, as though trying to impart something, but what that was wasn't clear. 

"Sleepy girls," he finally said. "Sleep."

And with that he left the bedroom. 

When they awoke the next morning he was sat in a chair facing the door, standing guard. There had not been another clone messenger knocking in the night. Prime had chosen to leave them alone.  

"Was he here guarding us like this the whole night?" Glimmer asked.

"Looks like it. Good morning, Hordak," Catra said. 

He did not turn, but he did glance back. His ear gave a slight flick.

"Did you see that?" Glimmer asked. "He's starting to think that's his name."

"It is his name," Catra replied.

"Yeah," Glimmer said. "Yeah he gets to keep his name. Attendant!"

He turned and rose from the chair. 

"Stay seated," she commanded. She walked over to him and paused before him with a royal gravity. He looked up at her with wide eyes,  as though she truly was his queen. 

She held her palm vertically before him, touching one shoulder with the side of her hand, then the other.

"I dub thee Hordak," she said. "Rise."

[koala-otter]

the teacher and the scientist au: worldbuilding

I am writing some original stuff right now, and as a break where I can keep writing, I’m going to explain some of my worldbuilding/choices that I make when it comes to my modern “the teacher and the scientist” AU. The hope is that it will be fun for others to see what goes into a fic, or give people ideas for their own fics!

*a quick note: I am a white Latina! I have no East Asian heritage! I studied for a while in Beijing and speak Mandarin Chinese fluently, so I kind of defer to my experiences there when making worldbuilding choices in fic (because I believe strongly in writing what you know, especially given the damage you might cause by writing what you don’t know), but will also do research online or through friends on other countries and cultures that inspired the four nations in ATLA. But all of this is just to say that while I do put a lot of thought into this stuff, I am by no means the authority on any of it, and I am open to criticism and of course always want to make sure I’m not doing anything harmful with my writing. I promise to listen and adapt if you approach me about literally anything in my fic or in this post.

Ok now let’s get into it!

1. The setting: Ba Sing Se’s Natural History Museum This is based on a combination of the Beijing Museum of Natural History, the American Natural History Museum in New York, and Beijing’s Forbidden City/Gugong. Beijing I think is probably the biggest inspiration for Ba Sing Se with the ring system and centering of the palace (and I mean the Earth King’s palace is pretty directly based off of Tiananmen Square), so it seems like a pretty solid model for a modern Ba Sing Se to me.

2. The field trip I went on so many field trips to the Natural History Museum when I was little, and they were always the absolute most fun of the year. And I feel like we went to the planetarium basically every time? It was kind of fun to recall and try to capture the experience of being a little kid on this trip in this fic

3. The Lower Ring & the Middle Ring I put Zuko and his students as coming from the Lower Ring for a few reasons. Firstly, I couldn’t imagine Katara and Aang living in either the financial district that is the Middle Ring or the ostentatiousness of the Upper Ring. I think if they were in Ba Sing Se they’d work and raise their family in the Lower Ring (I will be getting into their jobs in later installments of this story, so I won’t explain them here!), which means Bumi goes to school in the Lower Ring, which then means Zuko has to work there in order to be his teacher and for this entire concept to work out (and also the reasons explained in the actual fic where he lived there with Iroh and wants to give back). And the museum is in the Middle Ring because I wanted it connected to the university, which canonically is in Ba Sing Se’s Middle Ring.

4. Sokka as an astrophysicist Because Sokka is a smart kid and a huge science nerd, okay??? And Yue and the space sword. It makes sense. Also, because Ba Sing Se = ATLA’s Beijing, I think of Ba Sing Se University as Beida （北大）or Peking University, which is China’s first national university and one of the most, if not the most, selective university in the country (disclaimer: I did not study at Beida!!). But yeah BSSU is the Earth Kingdom’s most illustrious university and one of the best research institutions in the world, and Sokka’s a tenured professor there. My boy’s world-class brilliant.

5. “Teacher Zuko” Ughhh I really struggled with this. Basically, I was taught in learning Chinese to address teachers as “Surname 老师 (lao3shi1),” which is “Surname Teacher.” But! I didn’t want to give Zuko a surname, because that seemed rife with opportunities for missteps (there’s a lot that goes into surnames of literally any country or culture, from geography to family history and occupations, and I didn’t want to co-opt anything that wasn’t mine to use). So I knew the kids would call him by his first name. But “Zuko Teacher” sounded off. And in Chinese, titles like Mr. or Miss or Mrs. go after one’s surname, while in English it’s the opposite, so I figured for this fic it was appropriate to implement the English convention. So! “Teacher Zuko.”

6. Sokka’s appearance Sokka’s one of those hot, young professors that appear only in popular media, or once in a blue moon. He finds out from Katara that white sneakers are an easy way to look in the fashion know while remaining marginally professional for class, and they become a staple of his uniform. I picture him in Stan Smiths. (And of course they’re a little beaten up! It’s Sokka!)

7. The gaang’s ages Okay, so, I can’t find the actual post where this is broken down, but I think canonically it makes sense that Katara and Aang were 22 and 20, respectively, when Bumi was born. I put them in this fic at being maybe a year or two older in this fic, so let’s say 23 and 21, when they have Bumi, in Katara’s second year of med school. So when this fic takes place, as Bumi is six years old, they are 29 and 27, and Sokka and Zuko are then 30 and 31.

oh my god we’re only 700 words into a 4,000-word fic why did I decide to do this to myself

8. Sokka looking at his watch and having a penchant for exact minutes He’s a master scheduler. That’s it. 

9. “My Uncle Mushi lives in Chin City” This was just kind of an opportunity to integrate more from the ATLA universe! Obvi “Mushi” is Iroh’s refugee alias, but whatever another kid can have it, and yeah Chin City is that terrible village with all of those wacky people from “Avatar Day.” So we know the kid’s uncle is wacky. Fat chance of going on a field trip to visit him.

10. Zuko calling Bumi talented There’s that scene in the episode where they go to the Sun Warriors that Zuko calls Aang “a talented kid.” Bumi’s Aang’s son, so I figure by the transitive property Zuko would describe him the same way.

11. Zuko’s scar  I don’t know why but I often forget to mention Zuko’s scar in other fics! Either way, I find kids usually respond to people’s differences better than most adults do. Kids just see things and comment on them, which, yeah, can be rude by societal standards, but I’d imagine it would be very refreshing for Zuko after going much of his life with people trying to avoid either staring at the left side of his face or talking about what happened. Also, I didn’t really want to get into the cause of the scar. Obviously Ozai did it. I don’t have an idea of how. Other fics have done that better. Explaining it within the fic the way Zuko would explain it to his class seemed like a good way to tell the reader, “Hey yeah it’s the same cause as in the show,” but then not have to get into it.

12. Sokka hates intro classes Ughhh no one likes intro classes, and I’d imagine it’s even worse for professors. Prerequisites are often too easy for the kids intending on majoring or too hard and meant to weed out the kids who can’t stick with the department’s program. College is funny.

13. Aang volunteers in Zuko’s class From what I can tell, parental involvement in schools is only getting bigger. And Aang is a great dad and I think he’d take any opportunity to get involved with Bumi’s school.

14. Zuko’s backstory I should probably take the time to explain this! Basically I think of this story existing in a universe where after they moved to Ba Sing Se under circumstances comparable to their being refugees in the show, Iroh and Zuko actually stayed in the city, and Zuko got his education there. And yeah! My boy went to BSSU, too!

15. Stargazing at the South Pole and seeing the moon at the North Pole Oh my god the pure amount of thought that went into this. I worked with the assumption that A:TLA takes place on Earth, and that then the rotations of Earth, and the rotation of the moon, are the same as what we experience now (I’ve thought about this extensively, especially as it pertains to the hemispheres and the seasons, but I don’t want to talk about it here, we simply do not have either the time or space). So the South Pole is essentially the same as our Antarctica/South Pole, except that it is capable of sustaining human life for an extended amount of time, and in theory has greater biodiversity (clearly I have also thought about this extensively, but again, we have neither the time nor the space for my theories). I had to read a NASA report on the phases of the moon as seen from the South Pole! And it turns out you can’t see much of the moon down there, and it is always in crescent form. but yeah, you see a lot of stars (but in the opposite rotation of what we see in the Northern Hemisphere), and I thought that was intriguing, especially given the importance of moon imagery throughout the show. Thus, Sokka’s first seeing the moon in the Northern Water Tribe, which ties in perfectly with his meeting Yue, his first love: “You could say the moon was my first love.” (Which someone pointed out in a comment on Ao3, and it absolutely delighted me that they noticed!)

16. Pipsqueak Just looking for more people from the show to serve as first graders in this fic. Someone commented that they pictured him the same size as he was in canon, and I laughed out loud.

17. Tuyanjing I was trying to think of constellations that look like badger-moles, and I honestly just thought, “Ursa Major. Badger-moles look like giant bears.” And “Tuyanjing” (土眼睛) is my own translation of “earth eye,” which was meant to be a nod to the animals’ connection to Toph and their blindness and earthbending. 

18. All the stars & mentioning the Fire Nation & Water Tribe navigation I was initially going to write something in this scene about ancient constructions, like the pyramids, that were built using the constellations, and then create some elaborate metaphor about them and Zukka. But the only coherent thought I had about it was that it was “Too Much Work.” Instead I realized okay sailors always use the stars for navigation, and the Water Tribes and Fire Nation are the only nations we’ve seen with boats, so let’s go for that, and it works out because if you squint maybe you’ll read something about the stars guiding them to each other. Maybe we’re evoking thoughts of star-crossed lovers. And then we mention the moon again, and Zuko’s really seeing it for the first time, kind of like Sokka did, so hey I don’t know maybe that’s a symbol of something. Maybe.  

And that’s really it I think! Hopefully this was at least entertaining if not entirely informative. I don’t normally write stuff out like this, but it is a good reflection of my thought process while writing most fics. Again, I am open to any kind of communication about the above as well as anything else I’ve posted! And I’d love to hear about any of your own ideas that help you with worldbuilding and writing your own fics :)

[orihara-infobroker]

Ranty rant rant about stuff because this cat just needs to vent.

So I've mentioned this before a few times though I don't really talk about it all that much. One of my on-and-off hobbies is role-playing. Tabletop, live-action, or narrative writing, I pretty much enjoy them all. For similar reasons to why I love writing stories. I like creating characters and worlds. In writing I do all the heavy lifting but role-playing has the unique experience of collaborative storytelling and that adds an element that can be very fun. Also, sometimes it's just fun to play in someone else's sandbox for a change.

Some time ago, a friend invited me to check out a Harry Potter rp site. The site itself is pretty decently setup and it seemed like it could be interesting. I'm not a huge Potter nerd but I've seen the movies and I'm a sucker for fantasy settings. But this isn't the first time I've dipped my toes in the HP universe so I thought that instead of doing the standard Eurocentric character, I'd try something different.

I admit, I'd been working pretty heavily on Shadow and Light at the time so that was strongly influencing my mood insofar as what I wanted to play with. So I submitted the idea of a Japanese character who had grown up in Japan but recently moved to London (thus why I'd be attending Hogwarts). The character's parents were onmyoji, part of a branch family of the Tsuchimikado clan. This clan is somewhat famous for its relation to Abe no Seimei who is arguably the most famous onmyoji in Japanese folklore. I also requested that the character be a metamorph which is a wizard who can change their features. Basically a kind of shape-shifting. Tonks was a metamorph, for reference. In requesting this, I was asked to explain why my family had a metamorph. So I wrote a piece where the character's mom told him the story of Abe no Seimei's mom being a fox that his Dad saved and that there had been stories told of how Abe no Seimei could change his appearance. (Not into a fox. Just change his appearance.) And how sometimes people in the clan would be born with the same ability.

Note that everything I incorporated into this character's backstory is based off actual Japanese mythology and not Harry Potter universe. Harry Potter universe doesn't actually address anything about how magic is done in the East. (And if Rowling ever comes up with anything it'll probably be hideously racist anyway but I digress.)

All of this is important, I promise.

So I was a Japanese pureblood kid raised to become an onmyoji only to end up at Hogwarts by pure misfortune. I thought this would be fun to play, basically a foreign exchange student completely out of his element, not understanding how Western magic works, struggling with having to learn English on top of magic, etc.

Well.

Apparently my idea set all sorts of fires under the admin staff of this site. They were opposed because:

1. They didn't think I knew what I was talking about when I suggested being onmyoji (wherein I proved that I actually know more about onmyoji and Japanese mythology than them.)

2. They didn't have lore on the East therefore they didn't want me making stuff up because it might not mesh with what they might eventually get around to creating somewhere down the road. Even though they had no current plans to develop the Eastern setting. (Yeah. You read that right. I was told... in a role play game... not to make stuff up... which is ironic given that I didn't actually make anything up, just liberally stole from actual Japanese mythology. Further, my character was going to Hogwarts so all of this was just backstory and flavour.)

3. I CANNOT BE RELATED TO ABE NO SEIMEI HE IS LIKE THE JAPANESE MERLIN!!!!!!! (Oh yes. Please. Make more ignorant racist comments at me. From now on I shall refer to Merlin as the English Abe no Seimei. -_- Abe no Seimei, while unlikely to be as mystical as he was made out to be in the stories, was a real person. Merlin was never real. He was always a fictional creation. Further, I never claimed to be related to Abe no Seimei. I claimed to be a branch family of the Tsuchimikado Clan to whom Abe no Seimei was either a member of or the founder of, depending on varying stories. So. Apparently they don't understand how Japanese clans work? Or branch families? No? OK, great. GREAT.)

4. They claimed that my story about the kitsune wasn't appropriate because kitsune were a type of mythical creature and metamorphs are completely human so I can't be "half-fox". Further, one of them claimed I wanted to be "half-demon". (Which is both a grave misinterpretation of what I wrote *and* a completely incorrect assumption on what kitsune are. They are not any kind of demon. And I didn't want to be any kind of half demon or even half fox. It was a story told from a mother to a child, using a classic myth to convey a possible reason why their family sometimes had metamorphs. That's it. Which, if they had understand that whole BRANCH FAMILY thing, they should have definitely realized. But apparently I wasn't clear enough? Ok. Fine, maybe I was too fucking subtle. Still never asked to be half fucking anything. Asked to be a metamorph. That's it.)

5. Labeled me as a problem because of all of this. Which occurred over the course of two conversations and a handful of days. Yeah. YEAH. I'M A FUCKING PROBLEM BECAUSE I TRIED TO BE FUCKING CREATIVE IN THEIR FUCKING SANDBOX AND HAPPENED TO ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WAS TALKING ABOUT WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE SIGNIFICANTLY MORE THAN THEM.

And it's so frustrating because I was looking forward to playing with my friend on this site and I genuinely felt like they were targeting me because I didn't choose a basic bitch character and I had the nerve to ask questions when they tried to contest it. Like, it wasn't a genuine conversation where two sides explained their opinions. It was literally me trying to propose something and being treated like a child when I was repeatedly trying to explain where they were misinterpreting the things I had written because they didn't know Japanese history/mythology.

I've been a gamemaster/storyteller for games before. Over the course of my time role-playing, I've run four Larps, a handful of tabletops and hosted a couple online rps. My Discord server is technically a role play server that I moderate ( currently its mostly just chatting, not a lit of rp but it was designed to be rp lol). I know how these things work. And that just makes this more frustrating because my impulse, as a storyteller, has always been to work together with players to create engaging stories. I've always been willing to accept the potential of new ideas because the whole point of fucking role-playing is getting to exercise your imagination and tell stories together. So from my perspective, I'd be more than happy to work with them on this. I'd be more than happy to share what I know and talk about what could work or not work. But they don't seem to want to engage in that way and it makes me sad, frustrated, disappointed. Especially because I had really been looking forward to playing with my friend and now it seems that this whole thing is doomed to failure.

All because I got creative and asked questions. :/

[vaguely-concerned]

Some Alec Ryder Meta

So since I couldn’t find the screenshots of Alec Ryder’s dying ‘thoughts’, I went and got them myself!* And I am uh way closer to crying than I thought I would be, Alec sort of surprised me here. Let’s go! 

I was NOT prepared for his literal first thought to be of his children. And notice -- this is not his children being impressive or special or idk ordered/obedient. It’s them being happy and safe and playing and chaotic. I uh did not expect this, frankly.

I’m guessing this is where they used to live when the kids were small! (Would this be before or during their time on the Citadel? The timeline there is so hazy to me haha, I can never quite remember how that works)

Baby Scott on the swing ;______; I wonder if Alec is ‘there’ off screen in this scene, pushing him, since we start off with a shot looking over Scott’s shoulder like that 

Can I just say how quietly charmed I am by the fact that in Alec’s memories Ellen isn’t captured when she was ~*young and beautiful*~ or whatever nonsense -- she’s a mature woman, the same age as himself. It feels like there is something sweet and telling in that, like they were partners/equals in his mind. (This also makes me very uncomfortable to think he didn’t ask her/didn’t get her consent at the last moment on her death bed to put her in stasis, after the twins left the room at least; he seems to have respected her so much, if he went against her wishes that’s... such a breach of everything she seems to have meant to him and really should have been addressed more because it would essentially be his big sin as a character. So I choose to believe for now that when the kids left he did one last ‘give it this one last shot and I promise that if I find nothing within a certain time I’ll let you go and grieve like a normal fucking person’ sales pitch, possibly with prepared Science to back him up because they were both kind of weird like that and I think that if anything could have worked that would. ‘But think of the scientific implications tho babe wouldn’t you want to be able to find out how worked?’ ‘...You’ve got me there’)

More confirmation that Ellen had probably come to terms with her death and Alec Really Hadn’t lol. (Ellen might have just been grateful she lost neither of her children to the eezo exposure, actually -- she would have understood intimately how phenomenally lucky they were that both the twins survived and were healthy to boot) If I were to hazard a guess I’d say that Alec probably was in pretty bad need of space therapy even before his wife got ill, she was just his emotional support and he was intelligent and driven enough to hide most of it until that stability came under threat

:( this is upsetting. It doesn’t come across as well without the movement but he’s bowing his head and putting his face in his hands. Either Ellen when she’s really sick or when she uh ‘died’ 

I’m fairly sure that’s Ellen’s eyes -- and crucially they’re opening again. 

Mom and the twins :’) I think it’s pretty clear Alec did that thing some people (especially men) do where they sort of organize all their feelings through their partner -- “Your mother would have been proud of you, of both of you” JESUS CHRIST ALEC JUST TELL YOUR CHILDREN YOU’RE PROUD OF THEM LIKE YOU ACTUALLY MEANT TO SAY, THEY ALREADY KNOW THEIR MOM LOVED THEM FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU ARE THE UNCERTAIN ELEMENT HERE

ETA: actually this might also have something to do with how convinced he seems to be that the kids don’t need him -- that his love and attention and regard doesn’t matter or count, or would even be seen as an imposition (he consistently refers to himself pretty self-deprecatingly in connection to them, their ‘old man’ coming in and messing up their lives, like he considers his absence to probably be the best he can do for them? He certainly devalues his own impact massively, positive or negative). Meanwhile Ellen’s place in all their lives is a clear and uncontested positive so maybe that’s why he goes for her pride and her love like that. Again: who the fuck raised this weird dysfunctional man to be like this and how did he get away with it for so long haha

Alec and adult/at least teenaged twins! a) I suspect going to another galaxy with them to explore might honestly have been his idea of how bonding works, which... well and b) Sara is right behind him, leaning in like she’s listening and interested in what he’s saying and maybe even speaking too, and Scott looks to me like he’s sort of stranded on the side, looking in but not quite able to connect the same way. (This might be coloured by what I know about their respective relationships from the rest of the game, granted)

The same memory as before BUT interestingly --

the camera is turning around, like Alec is trying to get a look at his children’s faces and can’t :) this is fine and not at all illustrative of his entire deal *everything in my heart is on fire*

sOME observations: 

- These flashes give you more emotional insight in him than all the unlockable memories put together, and you’ll literally never see most of them unless you’re a freak like me, painstakingly frame by framing your way through it. That... seems like a waste?? 

- Despite his numerous flaws and shortcomings as a parent and as a person, literally every single thought he has at the end is about his family -- and not only his wife, all of them. There’s no place for his work here at all. That doesn’t absolve him of anything, of course, but it makes me sad that he never found a better way to show it, or to emotionally connect with his children, which he seems to have a real wish to. (”Maybe six hundred years can change a man”) Bioware... Bioware sequel pls don’t leave it like this ;_________;

- He himself does not figure prominently in his memories, and when he does he is faceless and vague -- except for when he is completely alone with his grief and Ellen is gone. I think there is something to be said about the fact that he makes all these huge inspiring speeches about the unknown and exploration... and yet his actual motivation is so firmly rooted in this immense fear of the unknown and of himself, of not knowing who to be without his wife, of not knowing how to go on living, of being alone. I wonder to what degree he knows this himself. (From what I’ve read so far of Mass Effect Initiation he certainly isn’t as idealistic about the whole thing as even the game portrays him, where he’s show to be pretty clear-eyed about the Initiative already -- or maybe he sort of is an idealist, under the fear and the jaded exhaustion. Either he genuinely believes Andromeda will hold answers and that science can achieve the impossible or he’s just too scared to consider any other outcome. Oh Boy tm)

- Ellen’s illness is such a cataclysmic event for him that I really have to assume he was never that stable to begin with. And as we’ve seen: When a Ryder goes off the rails they do so in STYLE and drag thousands of people with them to an uncertain fate haha

- My personal headcanon is that Alec used to be a better dad before Ellen got ill and when the kids were still very young; when all they really needed was to be held and loved and made to feel safe, and then became more and more distant as his work with SAM progressed and the children’s emotional needs grew more complex and demanding. Sara remembers this part of their father better (or clings to it more desperately, depending on your point of view) and is also more like him in general, being driven, competitive and intensely intellectually engaged (no matter how you play her in-game, Sara is always presented as vastly more A Nerd than Scott is -- its own can of worms of course but it’s there in the text). Meanwhile Scott has reached a resigned sort of ‘It’s perfectly plausible my dad would not be able to pick me out from a crowd’ place about it and given up on expecting anything more a long time ago in self defense. I think they’ve both hit on different parts of the truth there lol

(Also Sara and Alec seem to have bonded over making fun of Scott a little bit and considering him the underachiever of the two and like Not Cool guys!!! :( ) 

- Anyway Alec Ryder is a very interesting and immensely flawed character and killing him off and never meaningfully engaging with him again seems like throwing away a golden opportunity. Sequel where ‘Ghost Riders’ takes on a new meaning when??? I just want the twins to be able to either yell at him or connect to him better, as appropriate to the feelings of the individual player (I totally get why people would want to give their Ryders a chance to straight up hate him)

I think where it really hurts for me is that he clearly has these feelings, the capacity for it. There’s a wealth of affection and... tenderness? reverence, nearly? in these memories. None of his outward hardass needs-everything-to-be-under-control persona. And yet he could find no way to express this or even really meaningfully stay with his own feelings and his children suffered for it. It’s just all so fucking sad

*Courtesy of DanaDuchy’s youtube channel, which is truly one of the marvels of the internet; please check it out if you have any interest at all in Bioware games or indeed RPGs/games in general, there’s SO much content and it’s all neatly organized! If like me you want to listen to all the banter of every game... this channel’s got you covered

[chameleonwritess]

Feels Like Home (Ch 1)

Myriad of Stars

Not-So-Secretly in Love

Feels Like Home (Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3)

Forever Starts Today (Epilogue)

Extras:

Infirmary Duties

Fandom: Percy Jackson

Pairing: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace

Nico's summer has been amazing thanks to Will but he isn't ready to face the following year when it ends. He knows there are going to be a lot of changes this year and that frightens Nico. Luckily, Will is there for him through everything.

Word Count: 7446

Read the whole Myriad of Stars series on AO3

Chapter 1- Demigods and Parents

Nico di Angelo was pretty sure that he’d had the best summer of his entire life.

Minus almost being destroyed by Gaia, of course, but he was grouping that with the rest of the year which had, quite frankly, been dreadful.

Still, as soon as the impending threat had vanished, Will Solace had stepped into Nico’s life and suddenly everything seemed to make sense. Nico had found not only a place where he belonged and could be himself but a person with whom he belonged and could be himself with. As the son of Hades, that in itself was a miracle Nico had never seen coming.

The fact that Will was attractive, funny, caring, utterly charming and the most infuriating demigod Nico had ever met just made everything so much better.

Of course, summer didn’t last forever, though. Nico knew it didn’t and yet he’d somehow hoped it would, causing reality to crash down around him during the last week of the holidays.

“My mom’s picking me up from Camp next week,” Will announced very suddenly one afternoon whilst the two were sitting inside Nico’s cabin, playing with some of Nico’s old mythomagic cards for the sake of nostalgia and because the two of them were huge nerds.

Nico’s eyes snapped up immediately.

“You’re going home?” he asked in a slightly strangled voice. So much for concealing his emotions.

“Not exactly,” Will said. Nico raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what that was supposed to mean.

“Meaning?”

“Well, I go to school but not properly,” Will started to explain, “We need a healer at Camp all the time and now that Lee’s dead, I’m the best healer we’ve got.”

“How does that work, then? I thought school was a full time thing?” Nico asked. He knew he’d been to school in Italy but the memories were very faint. He hadn’t even thought about going to school since; he’d always been too tied up in monsters, Titans, giants or whatever else was deciding to destroy the world.

“It usually is. My mum has a special agreement with the headteacher, though. I go to school for a few weeks each term so that I can collect all the work and then I return to Camp so that no one dies from falling off the lava wall or getting a leg sliced off in Capture the Flag,” Will explained.

“So you won’t be gone for long?” Nico checked. Will chuckled.

“Why, you gonna miss me?” he teased, nudging Nico’s leg with his own. Nico rolled his eyes.

“I was just thinking about how peaceful Camp would be without you. No Jackson bugging me, no Grace bugging me, no you bugging me,” he said wistfully.

“Hey!” Will complained, “we only bug you because we love you. Besides you were totally upset when I said I was going home after summer.”

“Was not,” Nico spluttered.

“Was too,” Will retorted.

“Not.”

“Too.”

“Alright, shut up, of course I was going to miss you,” Nico finally relented, shoving Will, who had decided to lean his body right over Nico’s, in the chest. It was suddenly dawning on Nico just how much he would miss Will, though.

Even before they’d started dating, Nico had still spent the majority of his time with Will and over the last month or so the two had practically been inseparable. Now he was going to have to go for weeks without seeing him. Nico already felt suffocated. Never had he expected to become so reliant on one person.

“Ha, that’s pretty gay,” Will smirked in retaliation to Nico pushing him. Nico inhaled deeply.

“I changed my mind, can you leave today?” he deadpanned. Will laughed and flopped down on his back besides Nico on the bed.

“I’m bored of mythomagic,” he stated.

“You get bored easily,” Nico shrugged.

“True, but I wanted to ask you something,” Will replied, looking up at Nico from the bed from what Nico assumed was not a very flattering angle on his behalf.

“Go on, then,” Nico encouraged with an unenthusiastic eye roll to accompany it.

“It’s going to be weird spending time apart after we’ve spent all summer together so I was wondering if you wanted to come over and stay at mine during the first weekend? My mom will love you, I can sense it, and she’s always happy to let my friends stay over,” Will offered.

Nico swallowed a lump in his throat. Meeting Will’s mom had not been something he’d ever even considered and being new to the twenty-first century, never mind just dating, made Nico panic a little that he had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to act around a mother.

The only parental figure in his life was Hades and Nico doubted he could just nip down to the Underworld to pay his dad a visit and ask a few questions about his love life. It wasn’t really the father-son relationship they had.

“Don’t worry,” Will jumped in, noticing Nico’s hesitance, “it’s just an offer and I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I know you’ve probably not done anything like that before but just so you know, my mom is lovely. She’s the kindest woman I’ve met. She already knows I’m gay and will be so thrilled to meet you. I can already tell she’s going to love you.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. People didn’t exactly have a habit of ‘loving’ him upon first encounters.

“Really?” Nico asked, surprising even himself at how weak his voice sounded. Will sat up on the bed and placed his hands on Nico’s shoulders, forcing him to look into his dazzling blue eyes.

“I mean it. I’ve never disliked you and people say the two of us are pretty similar. She’s also one of the most stubborn people I know. When I was younger she’d keep me quarantined if I got a slight tickle in my throat so if you think I’m bad, wait till you meet her,” Will reassured Nico. He smiled slightly at Will’s anecdote.

“It’s hard to imagine anyone more stubborn than you,” Nico smirked.

“I’m not just Apollo’s good looks and charms, y’know,” Will teased, sending Nico a wink. Nico laughed at the action and allowed his head to fall against Will’s chest.

“I’ll think about it,” Nico agreed. Will wrapped his arms around Nico’s chest and kissed the top of his head.

“Thank you,” he said, “it means a lot to me.”

Nico still felt anxiety bubble up inside of him at the thought of spending a weekend with Will’s mother but after everything Will had done for him, this was the least he could do in return, especially if it meant a lot to Will.

He just wished it didn’t feel like such a big deal to him.

Will had to return to his own cabin before long (ever since it was confirmed that the two were together, the Apollo cabin had taken to threatening Will in order to ensure he returned back each night) and Nico was left to his own thoughts.

He knew how much Will’s mother meant to him. It wasn’t really school that Will was going home to- it was Naomi Solace. He always spoke so highly of her which just made Nico even more anxious. Normally, he didn’t care what people thought of him. The first time he’d realised he cared about what Will thought of him was when he’d begun to realise that he viewed Will as a little more than just ‘that annoying healer’.

Still, he hadn’t exactly gone out of his way to ensure Will actually liked him. Never before had he felt the need to make a dedicated effort to ensure someone didn‘t dislike him..

It was terrifying.

Nico also had literally no clue how he was supposed to interact with his boyfriend’s mother. The only adults he ever even spoke to were Chiron, Mr D, Hades and occasionally Persephone if he was in the mood for an argument. All of whom were immortal beings- definitely not mortal mothers.

Feeling Cabin 13 growing gradually stuffier as his panic increased, Nico stood up abruptly and decided he needed to take a walk outside to calm his nerves and get some fresh air. It was still half an hour until curfew so luckily, the cleaning Harpies wouldn’t be around to tear his flesh apart just yet.

Instead of wandering to Nico and Will’s usual spot, Nico continued further down until he was sat by the far edge of the canoe lake where few campers ever seemed to go. Nico himself rarely sat by this side of the lake, despite its proximity to the Hades cabin.

If Nico had been hoping for some brooding time to himself, though, he was severely disappointed as a tall, dark figure appeared from the darkness of the trees and made his way to Nico’s side. Nico had recognised him immediately.

“Father,” he greeted, sounding distinctly unimpressed with Hades’s sudden appearance.

“Hello, son. It’s been a while,” Hades commented. Nico looked at him sternly.

“You closed off the Underworld so I couldn’t enter,” he pointed out. Hades chuckled nervously, a sound that seemed utterly strange coming from the Lord of the Underworld.

“That I did. I apologise. It wasn’t to prevent you or Hazel from entering, I assure,” Hades said awkwardly. Nico let out a sigh.

“What is it that you want?” he asked. Whilst Nico knew he saw his Dad far more than other demigods saw their Olympian parents, Hades still only tended to appear when he wanted something from him. Either that or he was going to gift him a skeleton chef to go with his skeleton Chauffeur, Jules-Albert.

“I just wanted to catch up with you, Nico,” Hades said simply. Nico raised an eyebrow.

“That’s unnerving,” he commented. Hades sighed.

“I still can never tell if you’re being sarcastic or not,” he complained. Nico shrugged. He wasn’t entirely sure whether he was or not, himself.

“Anyway,” Hades continued, “the Apollo sprout.”

Nico’s cheeks flushed, “Wait, this is about Will?”

“Oh, that’s his name. I couldn’t remember if it was Bill or Will. Yes. You seem… infatuated with him, correct?” Hades asked. Nico groaned and placed his head in his hands. The last conversation he’d ever wanted to have with his father was about his love life.

“Do you have to talk to me about this?” he asked.

“I’m not allowed to get involved with my son’s personal life?” Hades questioned. Nico nearly willed the ground to open up and swallow him. He was tempted to do it had he not known that Hades would just follow him anyway.

“Fine, yes, I’m happy with him. If you have a problem with it I don’t care,” he snapped. Hades looked almost taken aback.

“I have no problem. In fact, I’m quite relieved. He isn’t Jackson or Grace and he has a good sense of humour,” Hades said in an almost approving tone. Nico’s father’s words suddenly sunk in. How did Hades know that Will had a sense of humour?

“Have you been watching me?” Nico spluttered. If Hades skin hadn’t still been so deathly pale, Nico would have thought he was going red.

“Not exactly. I just like to check up on you sometimes. I noticed an abnormal amount of laughing so wanted to assure you were okay,” Hades explained. Now it was Nico’s turn to go red.

“Yeah, well, he does have a good sense of humour,” he mumbled. Hades nodded thoughtfully.

“Invite him down for dinner,” Hades suggested, “I’d like to meet him personally.”

“Please don’t threaten my boyfriend,” Nico begged, thinking how strange it was to refer to Will as his boyfriend in front of someone else for once.

“I would never. I simply want to get to know him better. If the Apollo sprout is important to you, he should be important to me, too,” Hades stated.

“He can’t eat food from the Underworld, y’know,” Nico added.

Hades glared at him, “Do you take me for a fool, Nico? I am well aware of that.”

“Of course, sorry,” Nico apologised, rolling his eyes, “I’ll have to discuss it with him. He- er- might be a little apprehensive about nipping down to the Underworld just for dinner.”

Hades nodded in understanding and if Nico didn’t know better, he would have said Hades almost looked hurt by his comment.

“I hear you’re going to visit his mortal mother,” he finally added after a moment of silence. Nico groaned again.

“Do you listen in to all of our conversations?” he asked, wondering exactly what his father had overheard.

“No. Just that one. I was planning to pay you a visit but noticed you were preoccupied,” he said. Nico flushed and tried not to think about what Hades had overheard or accidentally observed.

“I don’t know if I’m going to visit her or not, though,” Nico explained, “I’m… nervous.”

“Naturally,” Hades nodded, “my own relationship with Demeter has not been ideal over the years since I married Persephone.”

Nico didn’t point out that there may well be a reason for that. He also didn’t point out that Hades was definitely not helping his nerves calm down.

“Right,” Nico stated, “any helpful advice or were you just here to interrogate me?”

“I just wanted to see that you were happy,” Hades said, “I know it isn’t easy being my son. You deserve a good life.”

Nico had had this sort of conversation with his father before. Last time, he’d thought to himself that there was no way he’d ever be truly happy. Now he felt as though his old self really had been wrong. Life felt pretty great for Nico right now.

“Thanks,” Nico said, allowing a genuine smile to cross his face, “you don’t need to worry. Will does make me pretty happy.”

It felt weird to say so to his dad but it was the truth.

“I can tell,” Hades smiled in response, “I think the Harpies are coming. I should probably let you get back to your cabin.”

Nico nodded and got to his feet again. Hades had already turned around and was walking away back into the darkness.

“Dad,” Nico blurted out on impulse, before his father walked away. Hades turned around in shock. It was the first time Nico had referred to him as anything other than ‘father’ or ‘Hades’. “Thank you for checking up on me,” Nico finished.

Hades looked at him and gave a warm smile, something that looked so foreign on his usually cold and stern face.

With that, Hades vanished into the darkness and Nico was left alone again to clamber back up to his cabin before the cleaning Harpies swooped in to eat him for their dinner.

He’d made his mind up about what he was going to do- he was going to visit Will’s mom. Family was important, after all.

It was the last day of summer before Nico knew it and there was a very melancholic feel around Camp. Whilst some campers never went to school, instead staying on at Camp year-round like Nico planned on doing, there were an awful lot of people leaving for the year, some of them for good.

Percy and Annabeth were the first to say goodbye to Nico.

“We’re going to go to college in New Rome,” Annabeth explained to Nico when they caught him wandering past the big house, “but Percy needs to pass his SATs first.”

“It’s going to be a painful year of studying,” Percy added with a grin. Nico huffed a laugh. He couldn’t remember what going to school was like but from what he’d heard, studying was not a fun activity.

“Yeah, I don’t envy you,” Nico said. Percy shrugged.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back to visit soon. Probably sooner than I want knowing how things tend to go at this place. I don’t doubt that gods will have some new problem that needs fixing soon,” he added.

“Don’t you miss the days when you were told not to go on a quest and snuck your way onto it anyway?” Annabeth asked with a nostalgic sigh.

“I would gladly go back and smack my younger self. What was I thinking?” Percy laughed. Nico could sympathise with that.

“At least you didn’t go crazy and start raising dead spirits,” Nico pointed out. Percy laughed harder.

“True, true,” he said and before the three of them knew it, they were laughing about all the ridiculous trouble and near death experiences they’d had over the years.

Nico had never considered using humour as a coping mechanism considering laughing was something he rarely found himself doing, but as he found himself recounting tales with Percy and Annabeth, he realised the memories didn’t hold quite as much sting as they usually did. Nico absent-mindedly wondered if that had been partly Will’s influence on him.

“Remember the time I gatecrashed my own funeral?” Percy asked Annabeth. She burst into laughter again.

“I was about to go saying all this nice stuff about him and then he just wanders over like it was no big deal,” Annabeth said.

“Oh, Nico, what about that time you came over to my house on my birthday to tell me to take a swim in the Styx but got distracted by cake,” Percy reminded him.

“What was I thinking?” Nico asked with a laugh, “at least the cake was good.”

“Sally’s blue food is the best,” Annabeth agreed as Percy wrapped an arm around both her and Nico, squeezing them into a group hug. Nico reluctantly complied. He didn’t mind it anywhere near as much as he pretended to.

“I’m gonna miss you a lot, Nico. You’d better visit us in New Rome, too,” Percy said, “don’t pretend you don’t know me this time!”

Nico smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Hopefully this time you won’t be losing your memory,” Annabeth scolded as she gently smacked him on the arm.

“I never forgot you, Wise Girl,” Percy said fondly and Nico averted his eyes, already knowing what was about to happen. He scanned the inside of the Big House as he looked away, peering into the infirmary to see if he could spot Will. Will hadn’t said goodbye yet so Nico hoped he didn’t plan on leaving without doing so.

Percy and Annabeth didn’t kiss for long due to Nico’s presence which he was grateful for. He was also glad to notice that he didn’t feel any twinge of jealousy towards Annabeth at all anymore. Percy was just a normal guy to him now. A friend, even.

“I really am sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you over the years,” Nico apologised. Percy shrugged.

“Don’t sweat it. I’ve caused you trouble, too. Besides, it’s what friends are for,” he grinned, using his knuckle to mess up Nico’s hair as Nico attempted to bat his hand away. Annabeth laughed.

“Look after everyone at Camp for us, Nico,” Annabeth smiled, “I trust you to make sure everything stays orderly.”

“As orderly as Camp Halfblood can get,” Nico pointed out as an appropriately timed fight broke out behind them on the volleyball court between an Ares and an Aphrodite kid.

“Don’t go breaking Will’s heart,” Percy added with a wink. Nico rolled his eyes and flushed red.

“Shut up,” he complained, “I will miss you guys, though. Camp will feel strange without you here.”

Percy and Annabeth smiled so widely at Nico’s admission that he almost regretted it. He regretted it even more when the two engulfed him in another huge hug.

“Goodbye till whenever we next see you, then,” Percy said. Nico nodded.

“Enjoy college,” he greeted. Annabeth smiled.

“Oh, he’s going to love it,” she smirked a little evilly. Nico chuckled and gave them one last wave as the two made their way over to the top of Halfblood Hill where they would undoubtedly be swamped with even more Campers wanting to say goodbye.

Camp really was going to be weird without Percy and Annabeth there. Nico had never really stayed without them there since the time he sent Percy off on the quest his sister died on. All of that felt like aeons ago to him, now.

“It doesn’t seem real, does it?” a familiar voice came from behind Nico. Will had snuck up on him and wrapped his arms around Nico’s waist which he’d usually complain about in such open view of all the camp but it was Will’s last day before he went home for a while and his arms were warm. It wasn’t because Nico actually liked when Will held him like this or anything.

“Percy and Annabeth have just always… been around,” Nico agreed, “I guess I can visit them but it just feels like they’re going away.”

“Jason and Piper are going to New Rome for the year, too, aren’t they?” Will asked. Nico nodded, hoping Will could feel the movement of his head against his chest.

“And you’re gonna be gone. Camp’s going to feel pretty lonely,” Nico pointed out. Will released his arms around Nico and grabbed his shoulders instead, turning him around to face him. His face didn’t look mad but Nico could sense a certain anger behind his eyes.

“That doesn’t give you an excuse to shadow travel off anywhere you like,” Will said, “you’d better still be here when I return each holiday.”

Nico rolled his eyes, “I know, I’ll stay here, I promise. I might go and visit Hazel once or twice but other than that-“

“Good,” Will interrupted him with a sigh of relief, “I think you have some visitors that want to talk to you, though.”

Nico turned around to see where Will was looking. Piper and Jason were stood at the other side of the Big House, observing the scene at a distance. Nico could already tell the two had been spying on them and sent a premature glare in their direction.

“Go on, I’ll wait here,” Will promised with a smirk. Nico nodded at him and made his way over to them.

“So,” Jason started, “this is it for a year.”

“Don’t say that,” Piper accused, “you can still come and visit us. Reyna, Hazel and Frank would want you to visit too.”

“I know,” Nico agreed, “I will do. I hope you both have a good year.”

“I’ll miss you, Nico. Stay safe at camp. We’re only an Iris message away,” Jason reminded him. Nico nodded and felt the beginnings of tears prickling his eyes. He quickly blinked them away but Piper was doing nothing to hide her tears.

“Aww, Neeks,” she sobbed and then threw her arms around him. Nico almost fell back from the impact but slowly embraced Piper back if slightly awkwardly.

“Don’t call me that,” Nico complained but there was no annoyance in his tone. Jason sniffed loudly and Nico glanced over Piper’s shoulder to notice that Jason too was getting teary-eyed. Nico lifted one of his arms and Jason took the invitation, enveloping Nico in a hug too.

As both Piper and Jason were taller than him, he found it difficult to breathe pretty quickly and had to stretch his neck to free his mouth.

“Guys, you’re kind of crushing me,” he spluttered. Jason and Piper released him immediately with apologies rolling off their tongues.

“We will really miss you,” Piper said.

“Yeah,” Jason added, “you’ve changed a lot in just the short space of time we’ve known you. I’m really glad.”

“Well, I think you know who to blame for that,” Nico smirked, throwing a look over his shoulder at where Will, as promised, was still standing.

“Take good care of him,” Piper said with a wink, “have you made up your mind yet?”

Nico took a deep breath in and nodded.

“I know what I need to do,” he said, “and Jason, Will may have helped me but you were the catalyst that set the reaction off. You accepted me when I felt like no one could and I- just- thank you,” Nico managed to stammer out.

Jason looked like he was going to cry again and before Nico knew it, he had been enveloped in yet another hug. Feeling left out, Piper joined in again, squeezing the two boys tightly.

“You really need to stop trying to kill me,” Nico gasped for breath, “There’s still plenty of monsters left to do that.”

Piper and Jason laughed as they relented their tight grip.

“Don’t die whilst we’re gone,” Piper instructed. Nico gave her a wry smile.

“I’ll try not to. Make sure Jason doesn’t get himself killed, too,” Nico said.

“I can look after myself!” Jason complained. Piper laughed and Nico gave a snort.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about,” he said dryly. Jason rolled his eyes and pouted before taking Piper’s hand.

“We’d better go and say our goodbyes to Percy and Annabeth before we take off,” Jason said, “we’ll see you soon, Nico.”

Nico lifted a hand in a half-hearted wave.

“Yeah, I’ll see you.”

And with that, he departed and made his way back up the hill to Will. This was his next goodbye and he knew this one would be the hardest even if he’d only be spending a short time away. Luckily, he had until that evening. Whilst most campers left in the afternoon, Will’s mom worked a day shift at the hospital so could only pick him up later on in the day.

“You okay?” Will asked with a concerned look as Nico approached. Nico wiped away any stray tears that may have been remaining at the corner of his eyes.

“Yeah,” he lied, “just going to miss everyone.”

“Aw, you’re such a softy,” Will teased, hugging Nico from the side, “help me clear up in the infirmary before I leave? It needs to pass inspection.”

“You’re the one inspecting it, you nerd,” Nico complained with an eye roll. His complaints ended when Will pecked his cheek and grabbed his hand, pulling Nico inside the Big House.

As soon as they stepped inside, Will switched straight over into Doctor mode, something Nico was pretty used to by then.

“I need all the thermometers back in the tub on the second shelf up and bring me some latex gloves whilst you’re there- someone’s left medical waste on the table,” Will instructed. Nico nodded and turned around to go to the back before adding,

“Is that a shelf I can actually reach this time?” recalling an incident only a week or so ago.

Will raised his eyebrow in response as he turned around with stethoscopes in his hand.

“I doubt you’d complain much if it wasn’t,” he said pointedly. Nico blushed and muttered a quiet ‘Shut up’ before marching into the back.

Nico was pretty sure Will hadn’t been the last person in here because the boxes were a mess. Will was such a perfectionist when it came to organising the infirmary that Nico knew he’d probably need medical attention himself if he came in and saw the state it had been left in.

With a sigh, Nico shoved the thermometers in the box on the second shelf and started work sorting through the other boxes, attempting to return everything to their correct place.

Nico hadn’t remembered about bringing Will the gloves until a pair of hands tickled his waist and caused him to make an embarrassingly high pitched squeal, dropping the packs of gauze he was holding.

“Sorry,” Will chuckled quietly in Nico’s ear, sending a shiver down Nico’s spine, “what’s taking so long?”

Nico picked up the gauze and stood on his tiptoes to put it back in the box before turning around to face Will.

The son of Apollo was stood closer than Nico had realised and his hands were still hovering over Nico’s waist, ready to pull him even closer. Nico’s heart caught in his throat as he felt his breath catch. Will still had an uncanny knack of taking his breath away. It was very infuriating.

“It- mess- decided to sort it,” Nico said intelligently. If he’d been hoping to disguise from Will how much his sudden presence and closeness had affected him, he was doing a pretty lousy job.

“What?” Will asked, having not understood Nico, not surprisingly. Nico took a breath in and tried to remember how to compose comprehensible sentences as he looked up at Will’s blue eyes.

“Someone messed everything up. I was trying to sort it out again because I know you don’t like it disorganised,” Nico finally managed to say without sounding completely stupid.

Will looked down at Nico with a soft smile on his face. Nico was glad that it seemed he’d actually done the right thing.

“Thank you,” Will said quietly, leaning down so that his nose bumped Nico’s gently. Nico’s breath was taken away once again as Will’s hands tightened around his waist. He wondered if there was such thing as dying from spending too long too close to your boyfriend. Nico at least hoped his father would take pity and resurrect him if that did happen.

After what felt like way too long, Will finally tilted his head and captured Nico’s lips. Letting out a sigh, Nico reached up, wound a hand in Will’s hair and pulled the blond against him hungrily. Will was far too much of a tease and Nico wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

Will didn’t seem to be complaining as Nico kissed him back harder, though, instead letting his hands move from Nico’s waist to his back, one of them slipping underneath Nico’s black t-shirt and tracing the bare skin on his spine. Nico shivered at the touch, despite Will’s hands being as warm as always. Will was permanently warm. Nico suspected it was because he was Apollo’s son but he didn’t really care- he only cared about whether those hands were touching him.

Nico pulled back to take a breath for a second but Will had other ideas, chasing Nico’s mouth with his own and pressing their bodies together again. Nico felt his back touch the shelves behind him and he removed his hands from Will’s hair to place them on the shelves and push the two of them off. He hadn’t just spent all that time organising them for Will to ruin it, no matter what his tongue was doing as it slid into Nico’s mouth and elicited a gasp from him.

“Don’t ruin my tidying,” Nico murmured against Will’s lips.

“Nico, shut up and let me kiss you, I don’t care about the tidying,” Will muttered in response, not giving Nico a chance to respond further as he kissed Nico again, the hot press of his lips making Nico finally give in and decide that the shelves really didn’t matter all that much.

He allowed Will to push him back against them this time as the taller boy’s tongue returned to his mouth. Whilst Nico did like to be the one leading the kiss, drawing small noises out of Will and leaving him a blushing mess, he definitely was not about to complain if Will wanted to push him up against a wall and kiss him senseless.

“Nico,” Will moaned lightly, the sound of his name on Will’s lips causing blood to rush straight to Nico’s cheeks and possibly other places he was trying hard to ignore. Nico just pulled Will’s lips back to his.

The sudden sound of a horn caused Nico and Will to jump apart in shock, Nico’s head hitting against the shelf above him and Will’s nose bumping into his a little harder than anticipated.

“Ow,” Nico said, not entirely sure his mouth was capable of forming any more than a sound at that moment anyway.

“I guess it’s time for dinner,” Will said breathlessly, “I can’t believe I didn’t manage to clean the infirmary.”

Nico rolled his eyes at Will’s pout.

“Don’t blame me, I was trying to help. Besides, you’re the inspector so it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged. Will scoffed.

“It’s basic patient hygiene, di Angelo,” he said, sounding scandalised, “and don’t feign innocence, you were being too distracting.”

“I was literally just tidying a cupboard,” Nico pointed out.

“Exactly,” Will teased, draping an arm over Nico’s shoulder as they made their way out of the Big House and to the mess hall, “distracting.”

Nico blushed and rolled his eyes.

“Catch me after dinner- I don’t want to leave without saying goodbye,” Will ordered. Nico nodded in agreement.

“Me neither,” he said. Will gave his shoulder one last squeeze before releasing Nico and going over to the Apollo cabin, now consisting of only Kayla, Austin and Will.

Nico sat himself down at the Big Three table that was feeling even more vacant. Percy and Jason had both left, leaving Nico alone. He hated sitting alone to eat. He never would have admitted it to Percy and Jason but it did really help having them there when they’d first suggested the idea.

When Nico sat alone to eat, it brought back memories. Memories of buying Happy Meals in desperate attempts to speak to his sister. Memories of sitting trapped in a jar, surviving only off pomegranate seeds and thinking that no one was coming to save him- he would die alone.

They weren’t exactly memories Nico wanted to dwell on, especially now that his life was looking up for once, but the scars ran deep and no amount of happiness would ever truly dispel the nightmares and feelings of hopelessness that occasionally threatened to overcome Nico.

Absent-mindedly, Nico wondered if it would be at all possible for him to convince Chiron that he needed to sit with other people to stop his powers from playing up. Maybe Chiron would let him sit with Will if the son of Apollo played his ‘I’m a doctor’ card.

For a second, Nico was tempted to raise skeletons right there and then but thought better of it. Will would be leaving Camp in about an hour, anyway.

Distracted from his own memory with thoughts of Will, Nico happily bit into his pepperoni pizza.

Despite Will’s promise that he would say goodbye to Nico before he left, Nico spotted the son of Apollo leaving his cabin with a packed bag and heading in the direction of Halfblood Hill- not in the direction of the Hades cabin.

Luckily, Nico had been paying attention so muttering to himself in aggravation, Nico shrugged on his aviator jacket to guard against the cool evening breeze and stormed out of his cabin, not caring that the door slammed shut behind him.

Due to Will’s naturally larger strides (curse his long legs), Nico had to jog to catch up and finally reached him just as he arrived at the top of the hill.

“Going somewhere?” Nico asked pointedly. Will jumped at the sound of his voice.

“Ah, Nico!” he gasped, “uh, sorry, I was going to come and say goodbye but, well-“ Will broke off with a shrug and Nico raised an eyebrow at him. With a glance down the hill, he spotted a woman with curly brown hair, blue eyes as clear as Will’s. Her face was smattered with freckles and she wore a smile Nico would recognise anywhere. She was Naomi Solace- unmistakably Will’s mother.

“Oh,” Nico muttered, drawing his attention back to Will. He’d felt a hint of panic rise up inside him at the sight of Naomi accompanied with the disappointment that Will hadn’t intended to say goodbye to him. Nico was going to be spending a weekend with just her and Will way sooner than he was prepared for.

A thought suddenly hit Nico as to why Will hadn’t been going to say goodbye and it was completely and utterly Nico’s fault.

“Oh!” Nico repeated in realisation as he grabbed Will’s arms, “Will, I forgot to tell you- I made up my mind. I want to visit you at the weekend. I mean, if the offer still stands.”

Will’s eyes lit up immediately.

“Why didn’t you just say so, you idiot?” he asked and before Nico could even respond, Will dropped his bags and picked Nico up, spinning him round. Nico had to try hard not to shriek in shock as he grabbed Will’s shoulders to steady himself.

Still laughing, Will placed him back on the ground and hugged him.

“Of course the offer still stands,” Will promised, “do you want to meet my mom now? She’s heard a lot about you through Iris messages.”

Nico didn’t even think before he answered.

“Yeah, sure!” completely forgetting to panic. Will grinned and grabbed Nico’s hand, picking up his bags again and pulling Nico down the hill with him. They were through the magical Mist barrier before Nico knew it and he was faced with the most daunting task of his entire life. Talking to Will’s mother.

“Will!” Naomi Solace squealed as soon as the two demigods stumbled past the magical barrier. Nico didn’t even complain when Will released his hand so he could engulf his mother in a huge hug.

He was easily taller than her, resting his head on top of her’s as he hugged her. Nico guessed she was about the same height as he was.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she said, “you haven’t been overworking yourself, I hope. If you have a single blister on your hand from over-healing then I swear-“

Whatever Naomi Solace had intended to say next was forgotten as she pulled her son in for another hug. Nico couldn’t help but smile slightly as he observed the scene, despite the panic still rising inside him. At least Will would be in good hands away from camp; Nico doubted he needed to worry too much about Will overexerting himself.

Still, if there was a monster-

Nico shook the thought out of his head quickly. Will had always been fine in previous years. He was going to be fine now. His scent wasn’t as strong as Nico, Percy or Jason’s anyway- he wasn’t a son of the Big Three.

“Mom,” Will whined in complaint, pushing her away, “I’m fine, honestly.”

Despite his complaints, Nico knew how much Will had actually missed his mother. He never shut up about it.

Just then, Naomi happened to look up over Will’s shoulder and her eyes connected with Nico’s. He felt his heart rate immediately pick up in fear. She was going to hate him already.

“Will, I think there’s someone you might be forgetting to introduce me to,” Naomi said, raising an eyebrow at her son expectantly in a way Will so often did to Nico whenever he forgot to look after a wound or help out in the hospital. Nico was already starting to realise exactly why Apollo had been so taken with her. She had a lot of similarities to her son.

“Oh!” Will seemed to realise as his eyes shone. He grinned and walked over to Nico again, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards his mother. Nico allowed himself to be pulled and stood there in shock. “Mom, this is Nico.”

“So you’re the guy Will won’t shut up about when he Iris messages me,” Naomi Solace said with a sly smile. Nico felt his cheeks heat up. He was supposed to say something now.

“Um,” Nico started, “it’s nice to meet you. Will talks about you a lot, too.”

“Oh, does he?” Naomi Solace asked, turning to Will.

“Pfft, as if,” Will pretended but his mom just tackled him in another hug.

“You big softie,” she teased, “you do love your old mom after all.”

“Mom, stop, you’re embarrassing me in front of Nico,” Will complained, attempting to flatten his hair again when his mom released him. Nico fought the urge to run his fingers through it. Will’s mother was right there.

“It really is lovely to meet you, though, Nico. I’m really glad Will’s found someone as good to him as you,” Naomi turned to Nico again, still smiling.

“Good to me?” Will huffed. Nico elbowed him.

“Thank you, Miss Solace,” he said, “I do my best to keep him in check.”

“Please, just call me Naomi. Or mom if you want- anything’s fine by me!” Naomi said. Nico thought he would have felt a little bit awkward calling her ‘mom’ but it didn’t seem like she completely hated him so that was a good thing at least. “I don’t know how you manage- he really is a nightmare.”

“Trust me, I know,” Nico smirked, surprised at how easily he was managing to have a conversation. He hadn’t messed up. He could do this.

Will was apparently not as pleased with his achievement.

“Nico! Mom! I didn’t introduce you to each other so you could gang up against me,” he complained.

“You should have expected this, really,” Nico pointed out.

“Honestly, it’s like he doesn’t even know us,” Naomi shook her head in offense.

“Mom!” Will whined.

“Sorry, did you hear something, Nico?” she asked in a sly tone.

“Nothing at all,” Nico agreed with a shake of his head.

“I changed my mind, you’re uninvited this weekend,” Will huffed.

“You agreed to come?” Naomi asked suddenly, turning to Nico excitedly. Nico had never seen anyone look so glad at the news that he was going to be somewhere.

“Oh, um, I-I’d like to if you don’t mind,” Nico stuttered. Naomi grinned.

“Of course I don’t mind! The more the merrier. I’m sure you’ll help me wind up Will, too,” she said.

“I wouldn’t ever pass up the opportunity,” Nico promised. The tenseness of first meeting Naomi Solace was slowly easing away and he felt his shoulders relaxing. He wondered what he’d ever been so worried about. Naomi was lovely and she shone just as brightly as her son. Maybe Will hadn’t received his sunny disposition from his father, after all.

“Right, I’m leaving,” Will huffed, folding his arms stubbornly. Nico nudged him with his hip.

“So I really don’t get a goodbye?” he asked.

“Will, were you really about to leave without even saying goodbye to Nico?” Naomi asked in shock.

“I wasn- no- I just-“ Will stammered.

“Yes,” Nico interjected. Naomi looked at him sternly.

“It’s a good job your boyfriend actually cares about saying goodbye to you, then, isn’t it?” she pointed out. Nico’s cheeks flushed at the words. It felt weird for Will’s own mother to say that. Weird in a not entirely unpleasant way. “Go on, I’ll wait in the car and I promise I won’t look.”

“Mom!” Will protested, “that means you totally will.”

Naomi shrugged her shoulders and took Will’s bag, taking them back to her blue Honda.

“So I’ll see you this weekend,” Nico said after a moment’s silence. Will smiled at him.

“Thank you. I know this isn’t easy for you but you’ve already done such a good job just talking to her. She really likes you,” Will said.

“All I’ve done is insult you,” Nico muttered. Will laughed and put his hand on Nico’s upper arm.

“I know, but you’ve made an effort to find something in common with her and talk about it. You think you’re bad at talking to people but you just did a really good job of it,” he explained. Nico chewed his lower lip as he considered Will’s words. He hadn’t even been thinking about it like that.

“I suppose you’re right,” he conceded, “but I couldn’t have done it if you hadn’t been there.”

“I’ll always be here if you need me,” Will promised in a soft voice, pulling Nico even closer to him.

“Your mom is watching,” Nico reminded Will although he wasn’t really sure he minded, Will’s closeness sending a frenzy of incoherent thoughts scattering around his brain.

“I don’t care,” Will said, his breath dusting over Nico’s lips. Nico didn’t care either as he closed the distance between them, raising himself onto his tiptoes to plant a gentle kiss on Will’s lips.

Will pulled away way sooner than Nico would have liked but it was still enough to leave his head feeling fuzzy and his lips tingling with warmth.

“Goodbye,” Will said.

“Goodbye,” Nico repeated, releasing Will’s top from where he’d grabbed hold of it to kiss him. Will smiled softly as he trailed his hand along Nico’s arm, releasing it, before walking away towards where Naomi Solace was waiting for him in the car. Nico smiled and waved as he watched Will go before turning around and heading back through the magical border and up Halfblood Hill.

He only had to wait until weekend.

[shadowofthelamp]

Needle and Thread

Oh yeah, I didn’t post this here. So, for my LGBT lit summer class one of the options for our project was a short story, so I wrote a human au Tulix thing. The teacher said she liked the ‘creative names’, pffft.)

Wordcount: 4000

Warnings: Mentions of dead animals/dissection

It started with a dead squirrel, a swiss army knife, and a bag of mints.

Tulip Bennett had only just begun going to East Side Middle School since her old foster home had belonged to the district across town. When she was adopted, she got a new house and a new dad, but also a new school, new people to deal with- and folded under that, new school weirdos.

“Look, I don’t know if anyone’s told you yet.” It had been conferred on her in harsh whispers- the harshest that could come from a fellow sixth-grader, one named Samantha in hot pink and pigtails. “Stay away from Nebula, the girl with the overalls.”

“Nebula? That’s a cool name.”

“Trust me, the girl it comes with isn’t. Her family is weird- the mom always walks around in a lab coat that’s got something red on the bottom half, and the dad killed somebody once!”

“Killed somebody?”

“That’s what Dave says!” And her tone left no argument- what Dave said must be law, to the twelve-year-olds that had been dwelling in these halls years before she had. “Just keep away if you don’t wanna get hurt.” 

Tulip had nodded and gone about the next week or so getting only glances of the girl at lunch where she usually had her thick glasses buried in a thick book. From a distance, she just kind of seemed… like a nerd. Which wasn’t intimidating. She kind of wore black a lot, sure, but that wasn’t much. Tulip didn’t see why everyone seemed so scared of her. If there was one thing she was good at, though, it was floating around to plug herself into different groups. Her pastel dress, round shape, fluffy red hair, and quiet demeanor were camouflage, allowing her to slip in and ask questions in a soft way that usually got answered.

“Why don’t people like her?” 

“She brought a bunch of live beetles into class last year. One got on my arm and she started yelling at me when I pushed it off. Like it mattered if I squashed a bug.”

“Have you seen those gloves she wears? They’ve got blood on them!”

“Look, she’s tearing something open right now!” At that, Tulip turned, squinting. Sure enough, there was a blueish huddle on the corner of the playground. Her hair was bundled up in a bun that resembled a haystack atop her head. 

She kind of looked like Alex had at the house before last, the boy who used to eat worms, and he was actually nice when she got to know him, so Tulip brushed her skirt and made a decision. 

“I’m going to talk to her.”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

“Mhm, but I’m gonna say hi. If she’s mean, I’ll leave.” It seemed like a fine plan to her, even as the other girls called out in protest. 

“She’s just going to stab you!”

“You don’t know what you’re doing!”

Tulip tuned them all out, crossing the blacktop like it was an ancient battleground from the games Eliza had played at the table in the Grant house. Tulip had liked the little blue fairy figure and took a moment to pretend now, borrowing her bravery. After all, she’d been at the school a week already and had managed only to float around on the outskirts of tightly-knit friend groups, a lone tumbleweed in this middle-school desert. If she was a floater, Nebula was in another galaxy, and that just wouldn’t do. If she was mean, then Tulip could always just leave her be. She didn’t like judging books by their covers, especially when those covers had gooey-sweet chocolatey insides the way some of her foster siblings had.

Besides, she was skinny enough to look like she’d snap like a twig, so she couldn’t be that bad compared to Tulip’s few self-defense classes at the mall. She’d already dug her small ziplock baggies of mints out by the time she reached Nebula and put on a winning smile. “Hi there.”

“Huh?” Nebula turned, eyes huge and buggy under her glasses with a color that kind of looked like the glow-in-the-dark star stickers Tulip’s dad had put up on her ceiling. The glasses themselves were… what were they called, cat eyes? They kind of gave her the look of an inquisitive alien. Now that she was up this close, Tulip could see a little piece of purple plastic settled inside her left ear. She raised an eyebrow. “Who’re you?”

“I’m Tulip. I’m new here.”

Nebula squinted. “Hi, Tulip. I like your name.”

She beamed. “Thank you! Do you like flowers?”

“Uh-huh. I’ve got a big garden back home, and I bury the bodies in it.”

Tulip’s beaming dropped a few watts, and her smile fell for a moment before she forced it wider again. “The… bodies?”

Nebula scooted over, revealing- oh, oh, that was gross. She had a knife in one plastic-gloved hand, the blade splattered with deep red, and the fingers of her other gloved hand were deep in the guts of a gnat-swarmed dead squirrel. “Like these. They’re all over once you know where to look, and it helps the soil grow stuff better.” She smiled, a surprisingly genuine one. “That’s what Papa says, and I’ve seen it works.”

“You… kill squirrels for-“

“Psh, I don’t kill them.” Nebula waved the knife. “I find them. Usually, some other animal killed ‘em.” She pointed at the squirrel’s skull with the point of the knife. “This one? Probably a cat, it has teeth marks in the crushed skull. Last week someone got a rabbit with a BB gun but just left it to die.” She clicked her tongue. “I don’t know why they let them suffer like that.”

“You like dead animals… to feed your plants?” Tulip asked, still not willing to get any closer. 

Nebula nodded. “Uh-huh. I mean, I like knowing how stuff works in general but- you ever seen the Lion King? Circle of life, big loud musical number?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s like that.” She lifted the squirrel up. “The squirrel eats the plants, then the plants eat the squirrel.”

That… made a sort of sense, if she thought about it. “Everybody seems scared of you.”

“Everybody seems like a wuss,” Nebula said with a shrug. “Who needs them?” She grinned again. “I like you, though. You haven’t run away yet.”

“Yet?”

“Most people do. I’m used to it.” 

Tulip took a deep breath and sat down next to her, holding out her bag of mints. “Well, that’s no way to go through life.”

Her smile dropped a little. “Huh?”

“Tell me about your plants.”

“You- want to listen to me?” Her voice cracked slightly, and Tulip could hear something pained behind it, a kicked kitten that had grown claws. She’d heard it before in kids who were about to age out, who were used to being pushed aside. 

“I do.”

Nebula lit up like a supernova and snatched the bag, stripping off her glove to grab a mint. 

__________

It had come easier, after that. Nebula talked fast and thought even faster, with a laugh that tickled Tulip up her spine and back down again. It didn’t sound like bells or a piano or any of the other pretty ways she’d heard laughs described, it was like a needle. Quick, sharp, and liable to puncture passerby but help repair a bad day if she only threaded it first. 

Over the days, she got to talking about her parents. They weren’t crazy, her mom was a butcher and her dad did experiments on animals for medicine. Tulip didn’t care much for that, but it was a far cry from murderers. Tulip’s dad was just an accountant.

“Hey, did I ever tell you what I did to Andrew?” She adjusted her glasses, shoving them up the bridge of her nose. Her eyes were so big behind them, like a galaxy all their own. 

“No, you haven’t.” Tulip sipped at her milk as she watched a beetle crawl up Nebula’s braid. She’d probably let it go come 3:15, but for now, Nebula just let it scurry up and burrow down in her hair like it belonged there. 

“Oh, man, I should have. So, he was making fun of my parents, right? Saying they’re ‘mad scientists’ and ‘I’m a freak’ and ‘where’s your witch hat’ and all that. Not very creative stuff. Well, I’ve got a bunch of beetle shells that I use for art at home, so I dunked one in glow-in-the-dark paint and stuffed it in his locker, with a note that said ‘with hate, from Nebula’.” She snickered. “He still thinks I’m a witch, and that was in third grade.”

“And you didn’t hurt him, right?”

Nebula waved a careless hand. “Pssh, of course not. It’s a lot more effective to creep people out over actually hurting them.”

Tulip chewed on her ham sandwich thoughtfully, hearing the lettuce crunch between her teeth. “Is there a… a reason you want to creep people out?”

“If everyone thinks I’m a freak, more time to do what I want, right?” She picked at her jello, watching it wobble and shake on the tray. “I don’t get a choice in how people see me, so I might as well give them what they want. It’s fun being the weirdo, sometimes.”

Tulip just blinked at that. “But why?”

“Why not?” Nebula countered. “You want to spend your life chasing after people who don’t really care about you?” She lifted her fork, shoving the gelatin into her mouth before shifting it over to her cheek, pointing the tines at Tulip. “I’ve seen how you float around like a ghost. You’re checked out of your own life because you’re so afraid someone won’t like you that you don’t get close enough to anyone that might.” She swallowed the dessert in her cheek, letting it settle as she stared.

“Isn’t it lonely, refusing to ever bend a little?” Tulip countered after a moment’s thought. Nebula gnawed on the inside of her mouth before sighing.

“Agree to disagree, Tutu. Agree to disagree.”

Sixth grade passed in a blur, with Nebula tugging her away during breaks to show her whatever new thing she was invested in that day. She slowly dialed back on showing off the dead animals when Tulip admitted they made her queasy and started talking about her plants, or her insects while they were still alive. She was the only person that Tulip had ever seen let a wasp crawl over the back of her hand without getting stung. 

That summer, they stomped around the bog behind the gas station, peat soaking their ankles as they captured frogs and let them go again after taking pictures. One of the girls from her scout troop invited her to a dance where they might see boys, but it just didn’t sound appealing to Tulip when she could swing Nebula around to creaky old songs from her dad’s record player, with her newly-made dresses spiraling around her knees. In July, Tulip began to sew in earnest- she’d liked piecing together odd arrangements of clothes from the thrift store before, but… 

‘Why are you wearing a Halloween costume?’

‘Spirit week with ‘ugly clothes day’ was last week, Bennett.’

It was easier to just go with simple dresses from the store. 

When Nebula had gotten a look at her closet, she’d immediately dug out the frankensteined skirts and haphazardly sewn tops and laughed. Tulip had been about to slam the door shut when she held one up.

“These are great! Why don’t you ever wear them?”

“Huh?”

She spun on her butt to hold the shirt up, owl-eyes squinting to superimpose it over Tulip’s body. “Not that I don’t like your pastels, they fit you, but these are so much more fun. Did you make them?”

“Well-”

“If they’re from some auntie that you feel like you can’t throw away, that’s fine. I just think they’re neat.”

“I thought you didn’t like girl’s clothes.”

“I don’t. That doesn’t mean I can’t tell what would look good on you.” Her cheeks darkened for a moment, and she shoved the shirt into Tulip’s hands. “Come on, I want to see you in it.”

“Neb…”

“You can’t just hide from me that you’re good at making stuff like this, I’m your best friend. It’s against the law,” Nebula declared.

“Like you care about the ‘law’,” Tulip snorted, but allowed herself to be pushed into the closet. It was easy enough to slide her shirt over her head, but… she fussed with the buttons on the old shirt. This was a bad idea. She tried to do it up, but it didn’t fit- her soft body oozed from the bottom, having gained some weight since she’d created the shirt years ago. She pulled it open again, looking around in the light from the slats. Freckles dotted her belly, and she felt almost like a puppet inhabiting her own milky skin. Her fingers fussed with the handmade shell necklace that rested just above her sternum before she pulled the shirt back off, grabbing the one she’d been wearing before and a vest she’d made with stretchier material. It was still tight, but not annoyingly so, and she knocked for Nebula to open the door.

When she did, the other girl grinned. “See? Told you.” A gloved thumb pointed lazily to the wall-mounted mirror, and Tulip twirled. It hugged her form, but in a way that felt… nice. She must have made it big- maybe for an older sister at the last house.

Nebula jokingly blew a kiss. “You’ll be the belle of the middle-school ball.”

Tulip bumped her with her hip, but her cheeks dotted pink.

After that, often when they met after school, Tulip would sew while Nebula talked, the machine doing the chattering for her on her desk, Sometimes, the needle had to be poised between her fingers when she needed a more delicate touch. Once, Nebula even asked her to show her how to sew- she was making taxidermied animals and ‘wanted to see if I could copy your steady hands’. It ended up a bit of a mess, but Nebula put it up on her bedside table anyway. She liked imperfection and just patted the little squirrel’s head with its corkscrewed eyes. “Besides, it’s more memorable this way.” She offered to make Tulip a mouse to watch her sew if she found any, and Tulip found herself agreeing.

In seventh grade, Tulip had started to drag her to her girl scout meetings, to try and make friends. Some of the other girls still shied away, but if quiet little Bennett liked her and had gone this long without getting a scalpel through her brain, maybe she wasn’t that bad. She lit up when they mentioned they were working on a gardening badge and offered them her assistance. 

They learned that it was best to talk on her right side because her hearing aid on the left didn’t always work, and her needle-sharp laugh melted with the new acquaintances like gallium- just as bright, but not as pointed. In fact, when she dug in the dirt with the other girls, overalls smeared with soil and flowers surrounding her wrists, the hard edges that made her smile a smirk began to melt too.

Eighth grade came and went, and the night before high school, they were doodling on opposite pages of Tulip’s big sketchbook, laid out on the floor. “I just feel like… everything’s changing,” Tulip muttered. 

“It doesn’t have to,” Nebula said, chewing on her pencil with brace-clad teeth. “You’ve still got me, and you’ve still got the scouts that haven’t dropped out, and I’ve got you.”

Tulip rolled over. She was wearing one of her favorite shirts-- Neb had picked out the fabric, with a pattern of stars that rounded her stomach in a way that made her feel big in a good way, like the whole universe lay underneath her skin. “How much?”

“Huh?”

“How much do I have you?”

Nebula turned, bouncing her foot on the ground. “C’mon, I’m not good with the mushy stuff…”

Tulip scooted a little closer. “You’re my best friend, Neb.” She set a hand on Nebula’s cheek, rubbing a smudge of dirt with her thumb, and felt the thin cheekbones heat up underneath her. 

“You’re… you’re mine too,” Nebula muttered. “I feel… comfortable. With you. Cozy. Is that weird? You’re a very cozy person, and you managed to get me other people to talk with me, which is a feat let me tell you-”

Tulip kissed her. She could taste the root-beer flavored chapstick, and the feel slight indent of her braces, and Nebula’s gangly limbs just starting to grow into themselves folded into her lap like a fawn’s.

Nebula pulled back, adjusting her glasses that had tilted askew, but the smile on her face was wide enough to reach the stars before she leaned in again and the world melted around them, nothing but the rich scent of soil and copper that clung to Nebula’s clothes and the sweet strawberry perfume that dusted Tulip, and everything felt like tying off the final stitch on a perfect project. 

[blondecarfucker]

Bed of Roses (1988 Special)

Roger Taylor x Reader BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: so this is not even a real chapter??? i mean, it doesn't have a number - it's really a reallll epilogue, you really get to know what happen in the eleven years that follow the end of the story. this wasn't really on my outline - i just kept thinking about the characters cause theyre SO CUTE and DESERVE THE BEST and im an absolute softie so i couldnt help but write this. its probably a bit messy cause im tired atm but im happy i wrote this and i want to share it with you guys already. im curious to know what you guys think about it! - also, just making it clear, there's no story for a sequel, so there's no sequel coming. just so you guys know. thanks again for stopping by and reading my story and being AMAZING. im a bit rusty i guess so sorry about the size of the chapter

Words: around 2.8k

1988

You heard Roger hitting the drums as you opened the studio door.

"Hey, Y/N", Freddie said, coming to hug you. "It's your man recording", he told you, and you nodded.

"I see", you answer, and Jim comes closer to Freddie and says hello to you. You really like the way they feel at ease with each other - it just looks natural. It's been long ever since you saw Freddie so peaceful.

But Roger soon showed up in your field of vision, having just left the recording booth. "Babe, it's so good to see you", he said, hugging you by the waist. "Good seeing you too, Rog. What are you guys recording?, you ask, and Deacy answers.

"It's 'Rain Must Fall', just wrote it with Freddie", he says, as Freddie listens to Roger's recording.

"It's still not right", he says, and Roger sighs. "Be right back", he tells you, going inside the booth.

Now that you're paying attention, you realize it's latin percussion. "This is really nice", you tell Freddie, and he smiles. "Thanks, darling. How's the museum? Did it fall apart after you spent a month away?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Actually, they've been holding up quite nicely", you say, referring to the period you've just spent with them in Montreux. "They're getting used to it, I suppose", and he nods.

You and Roger have been taking turns the last decade on who's gonna spend time along with the other, but now, after you've got your PhD and was promoted to Senior Curator, your job could be done without official office hours, so you've been following Roger around a bit more - which is nice, especially when he's in Montreux, such a calm place you thought about retiring there, in the future.

"And this outfit, too, I love it. You look like such a serious business woman" Jim said, pointing to your tailleur. "I have to look the part, Jim", you shrug, and Brian laughs. "I miss your yellow Chuck Taylors days, Y/N", he says, and you laugh. "These shoes are killing me, so I do, too", you tell him.

"I won't invite you to dance, then", Freddie said, and you frowned. "Please do, Freddie. You know how I love these latin inspired songs of yours", you pouted, and Freddie laughed, extending a hand to you.

You could feel Roger's eyes watching you through the glass as you danced with Freddie. Rain Must Fall reminded you of Cool Cat, and even though the Hot Space days, in 1981 were complicated, it reminded you of an afternoon with Roger on a yacht on Lake Geneva, the two of you drinking mimosas and sunbathing as Montreux glimmed under the Riviera sun.

"God, I hate this fucking song", Roger said, sipping on his mimosa.

"It's not the best", you agreed, and he laughed.

"This fucking album, I swear to God. If it wasn't for you here, I would've dropped this", he said, and you got up to prepare another mimosa for you.

"Don't say that, Rog. You wouldn't drop the band", you said, and he sighed.

"You're right. But I would drop this album, though. This song, even - I didn't take part in anything regarding the production. I just watched, like you watch a car crash", he says, and it's your turn to laugh.

"You're so dramatic", you tell him, mixing the orange juice and the champagne. "But seriously, babe. Do you even like the songs we're making now?", he asks, and you take a sip of your drink.

"I like Under Pressure", you say, and you're happy to see his face lighten up as he laughs. "Of course you do. I'm impressed you didn't ask Bowie for an autograph yet", he said, and you laugh along. "I have to stop myself from fangirling every time he's around, you know. It's pretty hard, but I do my best not to embarass you", you told him, sitting by his side.

His sun kissed skin made his eyes even brighter than usual - like lapis lazuli on bronze.

"Like I try not to embarrass you by looking stupid when we're on one of your fancy dinners?", he asks, hugging you by the side. "Exactly", you told him, pressing a quick kiss on his lips. He tasted like orange.

As you now kept dancing with Freddie, Jim pulled Deacy for a dance too, and eventually everyone was dancing to Roger's percussion. Each had a different level of success, and you were trying to help Brian when Roger finished his part.

It made you happy to have moments like this. After A Kind Of Magic, in 1986, the band was fighting constantly - it made you sad to see such thing. Roger even created a side band, The Cross, and he worked with them for a while before reuniting with Queen for this new album.

You were always a huge fan of his solo work, but you never connected with The Cross - and you felt like he didn't, either. They never really challenged him, and anything only gets better after receiving honest feedback.

But now Freddie wanted to produce again with the rest of the band - as much as they could, non-stop. They wouldn't even tour after this album, The Miracle. You felt like Roger knew exactly why these changes happened, but he didn't share them with you. You didn't really mind - it was not only his privacy, but the privacy of the rest of the band members. The fact that he was trustworthy enough to keep his friend's reasoning behind a polemic decision private only made you love him more.

"Babe", Roger called, walking over to you. You hugged him, his known smell now more refined, cologne mixed with the patchouli and substituting the cigarette smoke - you both quitted smoking, since you heard it could be harmful for little ones.

"The kids are with their nanny, right?" Rog asked you, and you nodded.

It was 1982 when you realized you couldn't keep your breakfast - you vomited every morning, almost religiously, twenty minutes after you ate.

Roger was immediately concerned on the phone - you spent two weeks in Mexico for work, and it was only when Roger spent a weekend there at the end of your trip that he told you not to drink the tap water. So you were both convinced you had some parasite, and Roger took you to a doctor - he liked to spend time with you when you were both in London, even in boring activities, since you still lived in separate flats, always trying to take it slow - even though you felt like a teenager when you had to pack to stay a weekend at your boyfriend's house - and you considered talking to Roger about moving in together again.

The doctor soon realized there were no parasites inside you, but there was a baby - a 3 months old little boy, in fact, as the doctor confirmed after taking you two to the ultrasound room.

You could never forget Roger's face once he understood what the doctor told the two of you. He was going to be a father.

But the realization that you were going to be a mother took a little longer to hit you. It was only when you heard the baby's heartbeat that you really understood what was going on inside you - a baby. Your baby. Roger's baby.

Proof that you were together, proof that you belonged to each other, that you loved each other.

"This is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard", Roger told you, and you smiled in agreement.

Nine months later, Apollo was born.

You agreed on Apollo because you always thought about how Roger reminded you of Apollo, and it did remind you of New York, too - the Apollo Theater was a landmark only a couple dozens streets above the apartment you grew up in.

But Apollo was much more like you than he was like his dad. He inherited his dad's dirty blonde curls, but his eyes were just like yours, and so was his personality - he was very determined, liked to be alone, and a full blown nerd. He taught himself to read when he was four, and now, at age 6, he liked to read The Hobbit by himself.

He didn't speak with an English accent, oddly enough, even though he was raised in London - he spoke water like his dad, but copied your accent in every other word.

Roger would hold him and hug him and always spend time with "his little guy", always telling him how proud he is to be the father of a genius, and Apollo's cheeks would be flushed pink, just like yours did when Roger told you how smart you are.

When Apollo was born, you both agreed to move in together into a big family home, but you filled the walls with artwork and tapestry, and Roger made sure there was always good music playing - it didn't feel like you were abandoning your old selves to become parents; it felt like a natural step.

And for financial reasons - mostly to protect Apollo and to make taxes easier - you and Roger decided to get married. He tried to play the practical part, reaffirming marriage was just a title and the two of you were way beyond that, but you knew, deep down, that he was incredibly happy to get on his knees and propose.

It was a simple ceremony in 1984 - close friends and family under the hawaiian sunset, the Lana'i Island's atmosphere made you feel like you were in a dream. With a simple cotton white dress, you reunited with Roger - in a half open, white cotton button up - in front of a licensed marriage performer, and you became Ms Taylor.

Roger used any excuse to call you Ms Taylor, savoring the name on his tongue just like he did with your lips on honeymoon.

Apollo was 2, and stayed with his grandparents for a week as the two of you enjoyed your honeymoon on paradise. "It's funny how this is like, the millionth time I feel like I'm on honeymoon with you", you tell Roger, and he pouts. "If you consider honeymoon everytime we go somewhere amazing alone and keep fucking like teenagers, then yeah. But this is special. This feels more… I don't know. Official", he said, and you agreed.

And all that young love had a result - you soon found out you got pregnant again after a routine blood test. Roger was, again, the happiest man on Earth.

You felt calmer this time around - a kid and responsibilities didn't ruin your relationship with Roger the first time around, and you were actually pretty good parents.

So when Live Aid came about, you were huge - you enjoyed the many performances, but when Queen was onstage, it felt different. You could remember when, almost fifteen years ago, you saw these guys broke, rehearsing and travelling around in a van.

Now they were here, and in a day filled with performances from stars, they shined the brightest.

You don't know if it was all the emotions you felt watching them, but once you finally got home, the sun about to rise - Apollo long asleep - you sat down to prepare a warm bath for the two of you, but you felt something warm running down your legs. Your water broke.

You and Roger ran to the Hospital, and after a few hours, Artemis was born.

She screamed, not cried, once she first looked at you and Roger, almost annoyed - like she was sad she missed the show.

Artemis was a logical name choice - Apollo's twin in greek mythology - but the kid also got her strong will. She looked just like her father, big, round blue eyes and pink, full lips soon learned to express what she desired and complained when things seemed wrong in her perspective.

At the early age of three and with a reduced vocabulary, she convinced the two of you to get the smallest drum set you could find, and she tried to repeat her fathers movements on it, still too small for her tiny kit, but proud of the loud noises she made, hitting it recklessly.

Roger looked at it as if he was seeing a miracle.

The kids were raised primarily in London, but they spent some time in Montreux, when the band was recording, under their father's care, or on tour when you could stay with them - tour made the kids so confused about their whereabouts that it needed a conjoined effort - but now that the band was recording in London with no plans for long periods away, it was going to be interesting.

Apollo was just getting started in school, and soon it would be Artemis turn. They still had no dimension of their fathers - or their "uncles" - importance, but you and Roger talked about this, waiting for the day you'd have to explain your life for the kids, who you were before you were their parents.

You wondered if Apollo would think back on the time he went to dad's work and he was dressed as a woman - he couldn't recognize Roger when he was Rogerina while recording the video for I Want To Break Free until he took his wig off.

It was a better reaction than John's kids had, screaming in fear of the old, scary and tall lady that tried to pick them up.

The latest video recording was incredibly sweet, actually - it was for The Miracle, the single, and the band was going to be interpreted by 11 year olds. The kid that played Freddie was absolutely brilliant, mimicking all of his signature moves.

But it was the kid that played Roger who stole your heart.

As you watched the tiny Rog rehearse, you couldn't help but imagine Artemis hitting her drums - maybe in a few years, she'd be able to actually play something.

You also thought about Apollo, how he'd look like an even younger version of Roger if he was sitting on the stool, bouncing his curls and pouting in concentration.

You really loved the life you lived now, and when you looked back to all the drama that went between you and Roger so you could get here - two happy, fully realized people; and two great parents - you'd do it all again.

You kept thinking about it as the kid rehearsed Roger's part in the song, until you felt a familiar smell fill the air around you, and an arm snaking around your waist.

"Hello, beautiful stranger. Are you lost?", Roger whispered, his husky voice still able to give you chills.

"I am, actually. I can't find my husband, and I came here just to see him before work", you said.

"How did he get so lucky to have you?", he asks, and you turn around to kiss him.

"Actually, I'm his good luck charm", you say, pulling him closer to you.

He was ready for the shoot, so you felt bad when you broke the kiss and realized you transfered part of your lipstick to his lips.

"Shit, your makeup artist is going to kill me", you say, trying to wipe it away.

"It's fine", he says, kissing you again. "So I'm picking Apollo from school today, right?", he confirmed, and you nodded. It would always amaze you how you found your own level of responsibility, of the feared and dreaded domesticity, without losing the passion you had for each other. Taking it slow.

But now, back in the studio, you said goodbye to everyone, and followed Roger to a limo.

You always had your nights out - nights where you'd stay in a fancy hotel room just for the sake of being together in different ambiances. You two learned from your trip to Paris how it makes you more in love with each other, the new place making you fonder of what you know and love - in your case, Roger.

So when he popped open a bottle of champagne while you undressed, and once you were only in your lingerie, Roger took his own shirt off, knowing to pass it to you - a ritual, really.

You both went out, relaxed and comfortable, and enjoyed the view.

The Thames was below you, and you could see the entire city - if you tried, you could point where the bar you first met was, and Kensington Marked, and the first flat you shared. London was a huge part of your story.

"Let's make a toast", Roger said, and you nodded. "To what?", you asked, but you knew the answer.

You've been together for almost twenty years, now, so it's normal for you to know what to expect from Roger. But it doesn't feel boring - it feels like home.

"Us", he says.

-

Taglist: 

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

[massivedrickhead]

Home: Chapter 2/8

A/N: Thank you to those that reviews. Didn't get a huge response but I know the first couple of chapters are kind of weak so I'm hoping you stick with me on this.

If you can find it in you to leave me a review I'd be forever grateful haha

Read on Fanfic.net

I do not own Pitch Perfect or Harry Potter or any of their characters.

Second Year

"Beca," a voice groaned from the ground beside her.

Beca did not, could not, take her eyes of the Death Eater in front of her. She felt like if she did, he would either attack, or escape.

Yet she couldn't bring herself to attack first.

"Beca," the voice groaned again. "Help."

"So?" Stacie asked, sitting on the bottom of Beca's bed, crossing her legs.

Beca spent most of her time in their dormitory these days. Last year, she spent more time in the common room with the other Slytherins, but ever since this Heir of Slytherin stuff started happening, talk in the common room turned more and more into how muggle-borns didn't belong in Hogwarts, which Beca, of course, didn't agree with. So Beca spent most of her time out the way.

"So what?" Beca asked, looking up from her book. She was reading up on the disarming charm. She hadn't managed to get to grips with the wand movement, and their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was, to put it mildly, an idiot.

"Are you gonna come audition for Flitwick's choir or not?" Stacie asked.

Beca rolled her eyes. "Not," she said, looking back at her book. Stacie took it out of her hands with a huff of annoyance. "Dude!"

"Why not?" Stacie asked.

"Why would I?"

"Because," Stacie held up a finger, "you're good at singing," she held up a second, "you actually like singing," she held up a third, "I don't want to be the only Slytherin there."

"Imagine what my dad would say if I joined a choir," Beca said, shaking her head. "I still haven't told him I tried to try out for the Quidditch team. Not that it mattered."

The Quidditch try-out had been beyond frustrating. She was a good chaser, she knew she was, but captain Marcus Flint took one look at her small, skinny frame and laughed. He wouldn't even watch her fly. The memory of it still caused a flare of anger to rush through her.

"Are you going to spend your whole time at Hogwarts worrying what your dad will say? Here's a thought, just don't tell him," Stacie said.

"That's easy for you to say, your parents are actually nice," Beca said.

"And your dad is an asshole, I know, but still," Stacie said, "he isn't here, is he? You are."

Beca sighed. "I just… I don't know, Stace."

"Chloe will be there," Stacie added, a last ditch attempt to get Beca to agree to come.

Beca flushed red. "Why are you telling me that?"

"Oh, are you trying to tell me you don't want an excuse to see her? Don't insult my intelligence," Stacie said.

Beca didn't bother to argue. "Fine," she said. "I'll come."

"Hurray!" Stacie said, her arms raised in triumph. "This will be fun."

Beca shook her head and picked up her book again. "You're a weirdo."

When she and Stacie had arrived at the audition that Saturday afternoon, everyone already there fell silent at the sight of them and their green and silver ties. They really were the only two Slytherins there.

Beca was on the verge of walking out, but Chloe leapt to her feet, clearly so happy to see her.

"Beca!" She yelled, pulling a startled Beca into a hug. "You came!"

"Uhh," Beca said, looking alarmed. "Yeah. You know Stacie, right?"

"Of course!" Chloe said, hugging her too.

Beca glanced around the room and saw a few people she recognised.

There was Chloe's best friend Aubrey, with the self-named Fat Amy and some other Gryffindors who later introduced themselves as Jesse and Flo.

Emily Junk was there, along with two other Hufflepuffs called Jessica and Ashley, who seemed glued at the hip.

Ravenclaw Benjamin ("Call me Benji," he had said, introducing himself) was also there. The other two Ravenclaws was a third year girl called Cynthia-Rose, and a slightly terrifying girl named Lily, who, when Stacie asked what year she was in, mumbled something none of them could quite hear, but which sounded like "I've been here longer than Dumbledore."

Auditioning for Flitwick's choir turned out to be less of an audition, and more of singing the Hogwarts house song so Flitwick knew where to put you.

Beca was put with the altos and they began to sing. By the end of her first rehearsal, Beca wondered why she'd been nervous and reluctant to join. Singing was probably her second favourite thing to do, after flying, and she liked everyone there. They were nerds, sure, but they were kind of awesome nerds.

Also, due to the way Flitwick had arranged them, she had been stood next to Chloe the entire time, which Beca was definitely not complaining about. Being in close proximity to Chloe made her heart speed up and her face feel hot. It was like standing too close to a fire. Beca was afraid she would get burned.

After a few weeks of rehearsing, the group actually started to sound good together.

She especially liked the way hers and Chloe's voices had blended. As if they were made to harmonise with each other. While they both sounded great on their own, as soon as they came together it was like, well, magic.

Rehearsals were put on hold, however, when a member of their choir was found petrified outside of his common room. It was the slightly dorky but very lovable muggle-born Benji, who had impressed them so often with his muggle magic tricks.

People started to take the heir of Slytherin stuff more seriously. People started travelling in groups, shooting dirty looks at any Slytherin they came across.

After a third student was attacked, a Hufflepuff this time, but no one that Beca knew, the atmosphere in the castle was starting to get tense.

Some Slytherins, the ones Beca always tried to avoid, thought the heir was some hero. Someone trying to "cleanse the school of filth". It made Beca feel sick. On Christmas evening, Beca heard Draco Malfoy talk loudly to a stupider than usual Crabbe and Goyle, about how he wish he knew who the heir was.

One morning Beca was standing just outside the Great Hall, looking at the hour glasses containing the house points. Slytherin were in the lead again, but that didn't mean much. They had actually won last year but due to some, as Stacie put it, Dumbledore bullshit, they'd come second to Gryffindor.

To be fair to Harry Potter and his friends, they had stopped Voldemort from getting some important stone. Beca had to admit that they deserved those few hundred points, even though she'd never admit that to her fellow Slytherins.

The thought that he'd been in the school, had actually been in the same room as Beca, still made her feel cold all over.

She was lost in thought, still looking at the constantly changing hour glasses, when she was shoved aside.

"Hey!" Beca said, annoyed as the books she was holding fell out of her arms. One of the Gryffindors who'd pushed her turned around.

"Sorry!" They said, their voice dripping with sarcasm. "Don't set Slytherin's monster on me!"

Beca rolled her eyes but didn't respond. It wasn't a fun time to be a Slytherin.

When she crouched to pick up her books, her vision was obscured by red hair.

"Ignore them," Chloe said, helping her pick up her books. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Beca said, taking the books from Chloe. "Thanks."

"They're just idiots. I bet they think Harry Potter's involved too," Chloe said.

"I mean when is he not involved in something? He literally flew a car to school this year."

Chloe laughed. "Right?"

"So, uh, I'll see you round," Beca said, turning and walking into the Great Hall.

"Wait!" Chloe said, catching up to her. "I wanted to tell you something."

"What's up?"

"So I had a detention with Snape last week," she said.

"You had detention? What for?"

"Oh, you know my thing where I ask too many questions and don't realise I'm being annoying?"

"Yeah," Beca said.

"Well Snape didn't appreciate me asking over and over what Slytherin's monster could be. I figured of all the teachers he would know, but he didn't," Chloe said. "Anyway, while I was doing my detention, I found out that there's this book that has every single person who ever went to Hogwarts, and what house they were in. It also shows if they'd ever been a prefect, head boy or girl, or a Quidditch captain."

"So?"

"So you can find out some stuff about your Mom, can't you?" Chloe asked, grinning broadly.

Beca felt a stomach flip and her face flush. "I, um, I don't think I'll be able to find her."

"Why? Do you not even know her name?" Chloe asked, shocked.

"I know her first name," Beca said, "but not her surname." Beca was aware that she could stop right there. She didn't need to say anymore, but for some reason she didn't want to hide anything from Chloe. "But even if I did, she wouldn't be in there."

Chloe looked at her, tilting her head slightly. "Let's go take a walk," she said. "We have a bit of time before class."

"Sure," Beca said, wanting to get away from anyone who could overhear.

It was cold outside, and Chloe linked her arm with Beca's as they walked, huddling close to her.

"Your Mom was a muggle," Chloe said. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah," Beca replied.

More silence followed.

"Are you ashamed of that?"

"No!" Beca said, pulling away slightly. "Of course not."

More silence.

"You know who my dad is, right?" Beca asked.

"Of course I do."

"Well… He thinks if it gets out that he had a kid with a muggle, it'll be bad for him. For his reputation. I don't care about his reputation, but I do care about getting through summer break alive," Beca said, sounding bitter. "He made me swear that if anyone asked about her, I'd say she was some witch that I never met."

"I'm sorry Beca," Chloe said. "Did she really die when you were born?"

Beca shrugged. "I think so. That's what he told me, anyway. I think she lived long enough to tell them my dad's name. And my dad came to get me from a foster home when I was a baby. I don't think he actually wanted me, he never loved my Mom or anything, but he said he couldn't have me being raised as a muggle and then coming to Hogwarts with his name."

"That's… That's really sad Beca. I'm sorry," Chloe said, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. "He doesn't sound like a good dad."

"He isn't," Beca said. "He's not a good person."

"All those rumours about him… Are they true?"

"Yeah," Beca said. "I hate having his name. I hate the way people look at me when they hear it. I hate that people assume I'm like him."

"Anyone who gets to know you, knows you aren't like him," Chloe said.

"I guess," Beca said with a sigh. "Come on, we'll be late for our first class."

"Thank you for telling me all this."

"Thank you for listening. But, um, please don't share it with anyone else? If he found out…"

"I won't say a word," Chloe said. "I promise."

[jesskauri-blog]

it’s ur girl vee (she/her) catch me hella late to the party as usual. but it’s a long weekend for us canadians so im about to go catch some fireworks! BUT hit that lil heart to summon me like a demon or just hmu on discord (vee#9986) and we can talk plots! whew!

(maia cotton, cisfemale) okay, so get this… i was in palo alto the other weekend and i ran into JESSICA KAURI. everyone calls her the HALCYON, which makes sense because she’s very VIVACIOUS and BOLD but also very OBSTINATE and FLIGHTY. you know, the TWENTY year old STUDENT really reminds me of TRADING GLANCES THROUGH A FISH TANK, PANCAKES DRENCHED IN SYRUP, and BITING INTO A FRESH PEACH. (vee, 22, est, she/her)

Jess, Jessie, J, somers; you can call her any version of her name really

Summer Roberts meets hope mikaelson meets Maeve Wiley !!

The youngest of five kids. She has one older sister and three older brothers. She’s the baby for everyone is always a little bit protective of her

Her dad owns this huge construction company and her mom is a former model

Track star in high school. Probably won best athlete for class superlatives. Got a full ride scholarship to a university in California.

She’s a morning person. One of those crazies that likes to get up as the sun is rising

Her fam is really open and really close. They have a standing family dinner every Wednesday night and everyone tries to make it or video call in so they can be there

Bottling up emotions? Don’t know her. We raise healthy emotionally aware kids in this house

She got quite a reputation in high school and it stuck with her all the way through

She dated a few upperclassman during her freshman year, mostly flings, nothing too serious.. until of course one of those guys turned out to be in a steady relationship with the soon to be prom queen. Jess has no idea until said girlfriend cornered her in the hallway and made a huge scene, basically accusing Jess of trying to steal her boyfriend, yikes! That got the rumour mill going

Suddenly it became harder and harder to make lasting friendships with girls in her class. And the slut shamming wasn’t too awesome either.

Jess was always taught to embrace her sexuality and that there was nothing wrong in exploring it (as long as she was safe) so to have her classmates shame her for it was shit especially bc she was just 16

She got good at tuning it out and flipping people off and shooting them obscene smiles when they tried to throw it in her face bc fuck them

100% got detention for yelling ‘eat my ass, jason’ in the hallway

She’s actually quite the romantic. Her parents have that disgusting true love shit going on and it’s something she wants to have for herself too

She’s a pretty chill girl over all. A Cali girl if you will

Snark and sass are things she knows well catch her rolling her eyes into next sunday

She’s not really about the dramarama

A GIANT nerd for marine biology. It’s her major. She’s that bitch that flips every time shark week comes around

She has a decked out aquarium for her pet fish cleo

[jesssomers]

its ur girl vee again & im proud to say im back on my bullshit! whew! you know the drill by now. hit me up on discord and smack the heart and we can plot !

( kristine forseth, cisfemale, she/her ) i just saw JESSICA SOMERS walking down the street’s of provincetown the other day playing BAD REPUTATION by SHAWN MENDES loud. rumor has it that the TWENTY-ONE year old is +ZEALOUS, but can also be -FLIGHTY — overall they’re a QUIXOTIC. they remind me of SHARING GLANCES THROUGH A FULL FISH TANK, SILVER RINGS ON EVERY FINGER & PANCAKES COVERED IN SYRUP.

Jess, Jessie, J, somers; you can call her any version of her name really

Summer Roberts meets hope mikaelson !!

The youngest of five kids. She has one older sister and three older brothers. She’s the baby for everyone is always a little bit protective of her

Her dad owns his own construction company and her mom manages the books

Track star in high school. Probably won best athlete for class superlatives. Got a full ride scholarship to a university in California.

She’s a morning person. One of those crazies that likes to get up as the sun is rising

Her fam is really open and really close. They have a standing family dinner every Wednesday night and everyone tries to make it or video call in so they can be there

Bottling up emotions? Don’t know her. We raise healthy emotionally aware kids in this house

She got quite a reputation in high school and it stuck with her all the way through

She dated a few upperclassman during her freshman year, mostly flings, nothing too serious.. until of course one of those guys turned out to be in a steady relationship. Jess has no idea until said girlfriend cornered her in the hallway and made a huge scene, basically accusing Jess of trying to steal her boyfriend, yikes! That got the rumour mill going

Suddenly it became harder and harder to make lasting friendships with girls in her class. And the slut shamming wasn’t too awesome either.

Jess was always taught to embrace her sexuality and that there was nothing wrong in exploring it (as long as she was safe) so to have her classmates shame her for it was shit especially bc she was just 16

She got good at tuning it out and flipping people off and shooting them obscene smiles when they tried to throw it in her face bc fuck them

100% got detention for yelling ‘eat my ass, jason’ in the hallway

She’s actually quite the romantic. Her parents have that disgusting true love shit going on and it’s something she wants to have for herself too

Snark and sass are things she knows well catch her rolling her eyes into next sunday

She’s not really about the dramarama

A giant nerd for marine biology. It’s her major. She’s that bitch that flips every time shark week comes around

She has a decked out aquarium for her pet fish cleo