#and rediscovering one’s identity as they figure out their place in the world

[cocoabubbelle]

Random Opinion

I came across American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang years and years ago.

I read it.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I recently discovered that Disney was making an adaptation of the book when by chance I saw the book with a cover for the live action adaptation.

I watched the trailer.

I did not thoroughly enjoy it.

[kakiastro]

Saturn Aries-Training your dragon

Saturn- the planet of structure and discipline, how to be responsible and respectful to others. How you portray yourself to others is important to Saturn. Being practical and taking your time is treasured.

Aries- the sign that’s ruled by Mars. Aries are the go getters, the ones who don’t mind taking the risk. They will rather epically fall than not try at all. They have a physical impulse that drives them. They don’t mind starting over if it feels right.

The planet that takes its time and the sign that’s a risk taker is a tricky relationship to be in. These natives struggle with wanting to go for but also waiting it out. They have the passion and desire of an Aries but they have to learn the patience of Saturn.

-these natives grew up having parents that taught them independence at an early age. “You got knocked down, now get up and fight!” Was a mantra that was taught to them at an early age. These natives had parents /guardians who were practiced tough love on them. Think training a warrior and how they had to grow up quickly. “All my life I had to fight” is a quote these natives are all to familiar with. They may be close to the Martian family members, those with Aries or Scorpio placements. Those family members understand that intense energy so it’s easier to be with them.

-they were taught about the harshness of the world at a young age and life isn’t fair. You have to fight and go after what you want. They developed the ambition trait early on in life

- many of these natives could’ve grown up in a home where there was fighting or lots of discussions and debates. This may have caused them to not want to deal with confrontation as they get older. They will start to learn starting age 27 on how to stand up for themselves without the use of pure anger that they grew up hearing.

- many of these natives could’ve of grew up in a military, law enforcement, firefighter/working with fire burn victims, criminal/gangster, entrepreneur, boxer/fighter, butcher, welding/mechanics, medical phlebotomist (blood draw) type of families. Look back on your life and see if you notice any Aries themes

- due to the high expectations on them placed on them by their families, they may struggle with self identity issues and trying to figure out who they are. They knew it when they were children but adults told them different. Their whole identity may have been what their families want them to be instead of trying to figure out who they really are. As they get older though, they’ll know exactly who they are and who they always should’ve been.

With Chiron currently in Aries and their returns approaching , they are rediscovering and doing lots of healing

- they could be named after someone who’s seen as a hero to there parents such as a grandparent or another relative, or a heroic public figure. They could also have a unique or different name compared to other family members. Their names could be “one of the new popular ones.”

-since Aries is the physical body and Saturn is discipline, they would do well in martial arts or yoga. Stretching their bones and or doing any movement can help.

-they may be prone to depression when it comes to their physical body and not liking it due to not exceeding their expectations. Write down 3 things you love about yourself. Then 3 more the next then 3 more the next. Practice them in the mirror everyday if you need too. When you start embracing all of you, including your flaws. your confidence will be unmatched.

- these natives will be the type of parents that will teach their kids to go after what they want but plan thoroughly because this is something they’re mastering themselves in this lifetime.

- they will have their kids be involved in all types of physical activities that they didn’t get to do growing up. They have to make sure they’re not living through their kids and not have too demanding expectations like they were put under. They have to let their kids discover who they are themselves and they are there to catch when they fall.

- Saturn Aries and Saturn Capricorn would understand each other because there’s a lot of similarities between the two.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post!

[sykam0re]

Analysing the new Splatoon 3 Wave 2 DLC - Side Order

I am about 90% sure this is supposed to be Agent 8!

As such, what I talk about next will be based entirely around this assumption - if this is wrong, then this analysis is void, but it's just for fun anyway so hskshj

I personally believe this wave of the DLC will be tackling the loose ends in regards to Octo Expansion, and more specifically: 8's amnesia prior to starting it. Having no memory of who they are or where they came from, they fight their way through the metro, defeating Tartar along the way and reaching their freedom on the Surface.

But then...

Who are they still?

Besides the memcakes, this issue is never quite resolved. As such- I believe the DLC will focus on that! With Agent 8 rediscovering who they used to be, and who they are now. Figuring out their identity and sense of self so they can finally know who they are. And based on what we saw in the trailer, I have several ways to back up this idea.

First up: the hub. A coral-ridden, colour-bleached version of our beloved Inkopolis Square. There is a strong coral themeing throughout the entire DLC trailer, and I think the reason why might be relevant to 8.

Coral bleaches when exposed to stressors in its environment, such as light, temperature and nutrients. So perhaps this is a metaphor for all the stressors on Agent 8's psyche. Their environment has changed dramatically, from Underground to the surface world of Inkopolis, so it wouldn't even surprise me if such changes still left them quite out of it.

It could also be a metaphor for how Inkopolis Square still isn't home for them. Considering the very intentional hotel-esque interior of the tower, a hotel being a place travellers go to stay in, this could very well encourage the idea that this still isn't home for 8. Just a glorified trip, regardless of whether or not they even can go 'home'. If they even remember home. The fanciness of it could also be a nod to how out of place they feel, as though they were in a place far out of their league. Like a common man in a palace, it feels...out of place.

Then? You have this image of multiple octolings. Multiple '8s', that perhaps could imply that they are still struggling to find their identity in a sea of so many like them. So many soldiers like them, so many test subjects like them...

They were always one of thousands, nothing more than a number in a crowd, so they never had any individuality. They never felt they were unique. So why is them who got to find their freedom? Why were they special?

And now we make it to the key in all this:

Pearl and Marina.

Pearl and Marina were a key component in helping 8 escape the Deepsea Metro. So if anyone would be here for them in such a struggle: it's them. The idea of it being a recollection of 8's memories could also explain Marina's glitched out appearance here.

It's just a memory. Were her tentacles blue, or green? Was this her outfit? Or was it something else? Maybe 8 even has some lasting memory issues after everything...hence how even newer memories seem to escape them.

Pearl seems to meet them in the blanked out square, so they're likely a key part in all of this. Just a hunch.

Overall though, I'm really really excited!! This DLC looks like it's shaping up to be something amazing, and I hope my silly ramblings at least interest some of you <:)

Thank you for reading! ♡

[dhr-ao3]

The Baby Law

The Baby Law https://ift.tt/q4CMHdJ by LuvMarii19 Going back to Hogwarts was a bit of a surprise for everyone. No one was as surprised as the year before 7th years when they got their letters calling them back to the school. Unknown to them a new law has been put into place that calls them all back. Lailonie unlike most is happy to be back, her entire life being thrown off track when the war started thinks coming back will help her figure out who she is again. or Return to the magical world of Hogwarts, where the unexpected return of the seventh-year students sets the stage for a captivating journey of self-discovery. As Lailonie grapples with the upheavals of war, her return to the school becomes a path to rediscovering her true identity and purpose. Join her on a spellbinding quest to unravel the mysteries of her past and forge a new destiny in the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. Words: 45, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M Characters: Neville Longbottom, Lailonie Halo Thomas, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Ginny Weasley, Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Lavender Brown, Cho Chang, Harry Potter, Pansy Parkinson, Luna Lovegood Relationships: Cho Chang/Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Lavender Brown/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Pansy Parkinson, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom/Lailonie Thomas via AO3 works tagged 'Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy' https://ift.tt/cbvAEFw September 12, 2024 at 07:48AM

[faithfromanewperspective]

It seems like no coincidence that you sent me an ask right after I had a brooding session that led to me wanting to send you an ask. Here we are 🤭

Mine's unrelated to music and chronic illness though: I wanted to get your view on what being Australian is to you. Who are we? What are we? I've been having this identity crisis all my life because my ancestors are immigrants from everywhere, with different cultures, and I feel like I don't belong here despite how the land has also shaped me into who I am.

Sometimes I think at the core of the culture of Australia is loneliness/isolation and I also wanted to know your take on that too.

Hope you're well, lovely 💛💛💛

ooh. wow. hmm. i'm... not doing great as you can probably tell by the time at which i'm posting this. but i surprisingly have a lot of thoughts about this.

for me, it's a connection to one of the oldest lands there is--i've studied a lot of geology, i've had to for my degree, and because of the lack of volcanic activity for so long our land, everything about it, is real old, and that's something i have a lot of respect and reverence for. i've also been drawn to Indigenous culture and Indigenous land stewardship for the longest time: the community, the spirituality, the sense of survival and justice, the shared resources, the storytelling, the art, the connection to the land. i'm not the least bit indigenous to anywhere really so i don't really know why, but you've made me realise something writing this, i should start to go seek that out a bit more and find community and stuff in it, it might be part of what i'm longing for.

diversity and a loss and reconstruction of identity is i also think part of it too. we are so diverse, aussies are from everywhere, from those who were born to a long line of stewards of this great land, to all those who came to it from everywhere: all parts of europe, asia, new zealand--everyone's family has a story of how they came here and why, of a brand new start for one generation, and everyone after having to go through putting together the fragments and figuring out who they are, reinventing it as they face new things compared to what any of their ancestors ever have. in a way it's about deciding again and again to rediscover your home culture/s and figure out how to fit them into a context of diversity, find your people or bring a new tradition to your people, but also take tradition lightly in terms of it has to fit around survival in harsh conditions, it always does, practical comes first which I'll get into but i'd say part of it is navigating the patchwork of cultures and realising yours is never going to be everyone but also no one can take it away from you, realising that because they try, but ultimately no one who does that will ever succeed. not even the colonisers who generations down have made us forget a lot of our Indigenous culture and feel empty as a result; if you're here on this land you've got some responsibility to care for it and every generation longs for something we don't quite have: this is where it's so useful to have other cultures around, because we need to learn from each other. we do so much better when we do. (alternatively, say you grew up in sydney without saying you grew up in sydney. it's a whole world there if you haven't experienced it).

but I would say that not only loneliness and isolation but also loss of identity are core to being Australian. questioning it and finding it again, being nothing like you ever imagined. there's a lot of generational trauma written into this land that's going to take quite a while to recover. we've all left it behind in the past, we've more often than not experienced some degree of violence in doing that be it from colonisation and the way the cities we have now (aussies are drawn to cities, the stats show us as one of the most urbanised places in the world, no matter what the stereotypes are) being Not Born Of Indigenous Input to violence of poverty and being driven to crime then shipped halfway across the world away from loved ones, to violence of displacement from other lands from poverty or war or overpopulation. we're all kind of unmoored even though many don't ever show it, we're all coming from a place of having lost that deep connection to self and either trying to find it or not bothering and I think it does really show in the way we connect to each other, the way we connect to the land, the misunderstanding and exploitation and often trying to be something we're not.

but i'd also say our strength is in our survival. we're good at coming together in natural disasters, we're often really creative when it comes to getting by, we're hard working, we know we're entitled to nothing. it comes when you've lived in conditions like ours: poor soil, harsh weather--be it drought or too much rain, we've been there, we've seen it, every year and every season is like we jump to a different climate zone, our agriculture isn't suited to our climate or our soil and our cities aren't planned but we get by anyway. we're hardworking and humble and when you put an aussie in another country and another setting you really see that. and we do it like it's nothing and still think it's nothing and don't understand compliments on it, we're self-deprecating like that. survival happens if we all do well enough to get by, independence leads to interdependence, and as a result we don't like people who take too much and we want those who are struggling to succeed. we aren't all like that, sure, but you see someone trying to get ahead and getting up themselves because of it? they won't last long as an aussie. community can and will ostracise them and no one's gonna feel bad. we hate our politicians but we have them anyway. we don't let them get too big-headed, we know they will, we have artists specifically employed to make fun of them. we're not perfect at this but they're older white men (problem) we don't feel bad about bullying them even if it'd be more productive to have a diverse group of people--but then we might actually feel bad about bullying them so that won't do. politics are for show anyway to get along with other countries. aussies don't care about anything we can't see with our own eyes and touch with our own hands, preferably holding a shovel or too-big set of tongs. 'she'll be right, mate' we say but really we just don't want to deal with it. why would we when getting by for ourselves is hard enough? don't talk about abstract concepts. but behind the survival if you break into that part of our minds that longs to be seen and cared for, you might have gotten our attention even though we will never admit that kind of vulnerability (it's why so many of us find western models of therapy etc so confusing. we're hardened folk)

there's a lot of negative but we kind of live with it i guess? we don't pretend it isn't the case. and sometimes we do something good. aussies invented permaculture, for example. i'm sure there are other things right there but i can't call them to mind right now. do you know what permaculture is? go have a look into it. it's one of my favourite things. in a more academic sense we invented water sensitive urban design and biodiversity sensitive urban design as well. and we needed to from a place of survival. it's the beauty of it, it's authentic and when it's there on the ground we can touch it so it's real and other countries can then see what we do and implement it themselves. with these things having popped up in recent years i think we're in a stage of transition as a nation, we're still a patchwork of confused cultural threads trying and failing at being european with our education and agriculture models--we haven't grown into ourselves yet. we haven't realised the potential of all the cultures we have to inspire something better. we still get a bit scared of each other. we still haven't figured out who we are--and personally, looking back at my family, generations of immigrants whose children become immigrants to somewhere else, i feel like there is a lot to discover that i have no idea how to find. how to internalise. my ancestors come from all over the world, and no one has had to pull together such a diverse range of ancestral and found cultural influences until me (i should give myself credit for that. and also not just talk about it but actually do it). and then when it comes to things like religion we're skeptical but also just long to be loved. and we'll take what gives that if we don't have to talk about it, but we won't take what limits us, and i feel like we're still figuring out how to lose tradition and hierarchy while keeping the heart of all the faith traditions we have here. another thing i should investigate. because we're still trying to be someone else i think, and it's not working. so to sum it up i think we're a whole lot of unfounded potential and messy sort-of functionality. no one does it like we do. not even us.

but this is coming from someone who is strangely really connected to everyone, like it's a bit of a weird talent and a little bit hippie (but aussies are hippies too, even though the hardened country folk would never admit it and the city folk don't have time for it and that leaves the label to tasmanians and northern rivers/byron coast folk who the rest of us associate it with). like i can connect with anyone for better or worse, and i do, i can't stop myself, but it's also tiring. who needs the autonomy and freedom of the bush and the novelty and connection and opportunity of our biggest cities. i'm well suited to my career i guess, but not so much self care! and yet. the reason i know how to survive is that it's handed down from ancestors from literally everywhere. we've all brought that and faced this harsh land in the last century, and now it's up to me to do that in a modern setting with modern problems like overpopulation and biodiversity loss.

and i'll also admit a lot of my conceptulisation comes from i am australian by the seekers. i generally sing/play the song without the third verse (or whichever one is about the war) because i find that in this moment in time it's not actually the biggest thing in aussie history that shaped us--it's more a global thing we were dragged into and we do better to leave it and instead think about ancient history, about the people who came with colonisation who weren't all bad individually though they were forced into a bad situation and became many of our ancestors, about the land as a living thing with a spirit, and about the things we create.

otherwise if you're looking for something that more captures what i think you might relate to being australian and some of the generational trauma you see around you that's so woven into our country if not your immigrant family who are trying to fit in but haven't yet specifically there's bloodline by luke hemmings. you know, because at the moment i can't shut up about him or his music.

anyway, do yourself a favour (heck, do me a favour) and get out of that country town of a suburb you live in. it's very insular, possibly one of the most insular places i've seen in this land and i've been to a lot of country towns and urban precincts. we love walkable cities but we yearn for more, more enrichment in the enclosure, and so literally, get on a train and go somewhere, anywhere, and notice things. notice how they do things there. and let me know if it feels good to do that. I will mail you a go card with money on it if that's what you need. go find yourself

[lupi-usque-ad-finem]

I stumbled on your blog.. and it’s comforting? I’ve been otherkin for a long time back in like- gods years now and truthfully heavy discourse about me being otherkin back then made me feel disconnected- and only recently I’ve more or less rediscovered & reconnected to it.. but I’ve finally discovered I’m wolfkin? I always displayed traits and habits of a wolf, always making dens and sleeping in dark places, enjoying nature and I think my favorite is chewing meat off a bone and always howling! There’s more but that’s just the small gist of it-

But honestly I don’t know why I felt so awkward.. because it just cropped up? I’ve been suppressing it more than I should and maybe it was just past trauma and shame- I’ve been afraid to admit what I really am..? My own mate reassures me that I’ve always been like this but.. It’s not that I don’t believe him I guess.. it’s just the embarrassment and trauma of people finding out what and who I really am that I’m afraid I’ll get backed into a corner that I’ll need to bite and fight my way out again.

I think- I’m just looking for some form of advice on how to feel comfortable in my own pelt again? What I can do to just feel like me again.. it’s been uncomfortable hiding what and who I truly am..

For one I’m so thankful my blog can give you comfort, it’s why I made it in the first place :’) and two, I completely understand. this part of yourself can both be empowering yet startling, especially if you were shamed or bullied for it. I also subconsciously kept my therianthropy hidden from myself for about two years, but it was always there. As I grew I figured I had two options of what to do about it:

1. ignore it, step back, walk away—but then you’d just be back where you started. nothing would change. you wouldn’t change, and that shameful fear would grow.

OOOORRR and the much better option:

2. spend time with yourself, by yourself, and your identity(s). learn the words and recognise the experiences of who and what you are, for what you feel has always been there for you, regardless if you knew it or not. fear is not what rules you. wolves are not ruled by fear.

You’ve also been backed into a corner like I was for so long. For me, it was my schooling administration that failed me. I was bullied relentlessly for 12 years, and the shame was palpable. If you’re in the thick of it, let me be the one to assure you that the harshness of your peers is not what the world is like. The people in this world can be cruel, but the world itself can show you the love you never had. As it appears to me you have a support system in your mate (congratulations btw!!), and with that you can build off it. Growing from inward out is the best way, but sometimes a little outward reassurance is what jumpstarts it.

People will always mock, hell some still mock me, but it doesn’t affect me near as badly as when I was a cub. I’ve found that much of said mocking is guided by fear and especially ignorance. They fear the inability to be affected negatively by others that many proud otherkins, alterhumans, therians, etc. have carefully cultivated in themselves. I’m 22 now, and I’m finally back as proud as little 10 year old me was in my therianthropy.

For me now I have my handlers and friends who accept me, but it definitely wasn’t always that way. Its taken a long time to unlearn the trauma and heartache of being the ‘other’, however that ‘other’ part was there for me no matter what. It curled its tail around me, rested its head in my lap, and comforted me when even I could not. That ‘otherness’ watched out for me, guarded me, protected me, kept me alive and warm. It assured me I was not wrong or damaged or broken. It’s known me before I ever did. It came with me into this life and it’s made living more than anything I could have imagined. I never thought I could have not one but TWO handlers that care for me and love me as their canine companion, learn the words to express how I feel, my animalistic behaviour never belittled and instead encouraged, yet I do.

I aim to be a living example that this existence isn’t a joke or fairytale, and to be the one little me needed when they felt alone for others. Otherkinness comes from within, it’s part of you, and only needs your permission to let it be. It won’t force itself into your life, that’ll be your choice. Some people will never understand, but it’s not up to you to make them. Let them self reflect, that’s not your job. Your only job, should you choose to take it (and you really should :3), is to appreciate your otherness and grow alongside it.

It has loved you the whole time.

[omori-aus-archive]

OMORI: Justice League AU idea

So, since I'm back on a DC kick, I figured that I'd make a prompt for a JLA Omori AU.

Basically, Mari and Sunny take the roles of Superman, but different depictions of him. Hero and Kel are basically Terry McGinnis and Richard Grayson Batman. Aubrey is Wonder Woman. I have NO idea who Basil would be....

Don't expect any evil versions of the characters, because I hate the idea of evil versions of the characters. Omori's characters already have a shit load of demonization and vilification in this damn fandom....

Mari and Sunny

So, everything would be similar to Superman's origin. Mari and Sunny are the last children of Krypton and are sent to Earth for their safety. Their origins are unexpectedly revealed by the time Mari is 15 and Sunny is 12.

I don't know if they'd have the same upbringing as they did in-canon or not, but it'd probably be similar.

Sunny would be more similar to Earth One Superman, as Earth One has Clark feel a little more doubtful and uncertain with his place in the world. Mari would be more similar to Superman in Birthright, which has Clark tackle these challenges with excitement and adventure.

Around this time, Mari's 19 and Sunny's 16.

Both would eventually become similar to DCAU, DCAMU, and/or MAWS Superman, due to their growing influence on the world and possibly struggling with their inner demons. Not to mention the struggles with keeping their identities a secret from a lot of people they care about.

Mari and Sunny are in their early 20s now. Also, here is where things get different.

Mari, in a response to this, would probably leave Faraway for a while in an effort to rediscover herself. Sunny, meanwhile, would let the people around him help him rekindle his spirit. They both need help for sure, but said help comes in different forms.

Their costumes would most likely change to reflect these transitions.

Hero and Kel

So, this might be confusing, but try to hear me out.

Hero and Kel's father was basically the OG Batman, though has since retired. When Hero and Kel discover his secret, he's convinced to train them.

Hero and Kel both prove to be extraordinary, but after their father's sudden passing due to heart complications, Kel chooses to become his own hero as he feels unworthy to the title.

For most of their teen years, things go somewhat smoothly, as Hero proves to be a very effective Batman and Kel his own vigilante.

However, after the formation of the league, things slowly grow out of hand. Hero eventually becomes increasingly aggressive, due to the expectations of the police.

Kel, now 19, is forced to take the mantle away from Hero. No one intervenes. Mari and Sunny wish for Kel to save Hero from himself. Aubrey, at the moment, is unaware of the conflict.

Sure enough, Mari and Sunny's hopes come true as Kel successfully convinces Hero to surrender, thus becoming the new Batman.

Kel serves as Batman while Sunny and Mari deal with their personal issues. Hero, on Kel's advice, is put through therapy. Eventually, when Mari returns, Hero's healthy enough to become Batman again.

Aubrey (and Basil)

So, Aubrey definitely had a different upbringing.

Here, her father is indeed a vessel for Zeus...and after things start getting worse for her nearing her teenage years, the god used his power to give Aubrey a better childhood.

This meant that he sent her to the past and to the land of the Amazons, where they raised her to be a warrior, though due to her remembering her connections with Hero, Kel, Basil, Mari, and Sunny, she would develop a sense of justice.

She was applauded for her choice and made the Knight Eternal of the realm of humanity. After turning 16, she was returned to Faraway, before taking residence with Basil, his grandmother, and Polly.

Of course, after the formation of the league, things slowly become more complicated and leads Aubrey needing to find if she's doing the right thing.

It's through Basil and Kel that she's able to remind and recommit herself to her choice to protect and help others. Again, her costume would be revamped to reflect this.

I don't know if there's such thing as the Legion of Doom here, but maybe there would be? Perhaps the SOMETHINGs are actual people and become this AU's Legion of Doom. Dunno.

Now that I think about it, one of the SOMETHINGS could essentially be a symbiote-esque villain, like Venom and Carnage.

[caffernnn]

One thing that made free interesting to me was that from episode 1 it's like the opposite of a classic sports anime. the protagonist DOESN'T want to be in a sports anime and everyone else around him is trying to make him become one. like this was the central conflict of s2 (and i thought the resolution of s2 was kinda weak but overall better than FS2 by miles lol). after s2 all of haru's struggle and identity and conflict goes away and is focused on competitive swimming, training to compete, etc and haru's fully into it. it felt like a lot of the interpersonal relationships and inner conflicts took a backseat to the sport, rather than being the center of the story with the sport as the vehicle to convey it... imo by making free more like a typical sports anime where the main goal is to win (? I guess?) a lot of what made fr special in the first place (the characters and their relationships) fell flat

Yeah I completely get that! Part of the appeal is that from the start it feels like a story about wanting to be understood and connect with others genuinely/deeply, and season one hops in when the main group has lost any sense of that because of a complicated past with a sport. It’s interesting because we aren’t given a cast of jocks already deep into a “ball is life, sport is life” hyperfocus, we are given a group of guys (some best friends, some old friends, some soon-to-be friends, some ex-friends) and are asked to watch them rediscover what once made them all drawn to swimming together, and redefine what swimming can mean to them now, as an act of sportsmanship and deep connection. It didn’t have to be swimming, it didn’t have to be a sport, but there had to be something to bring them all together to challenge and inspire and support each other, and it all beautifully happened to come together in a pool because of their own individual connections/experiences with water and the memories of love/passion (of all sorts) connected to it. You get invested because you see from day one that Haru doesn’t want all perceptions of him to be tied to how efficiently or beautifully he swims, and you keep sticking around because all of the characters start to come forward with all of the things that make them unique, eventually informing their teamwork in and out of the pool. That’s why I’m here, at least — I got entranced by the characters and their connections with each other.

When the story starts to shift its focus with the conclusion of S2 with Haru coming to the decision to go to Tokyo and try out the competitive world, it feels weird because all of the concerns that kept him from putting all of his eggs in that basket from the get go seem to get sidelined. He had real fears and concerns when it came to planning a future around swimming, because he knew from experience that you don’t survive that world on athletic prowess alone. You have to have a certain level of grit, of perseverance, and of secure support so that you don’t fall apart immediately. When he chooses Tokyo, I didn’t want to think of that as an abandonment of all of these past fears (and still lingering fears, as we know now), but like… a chance to tell a new story? How he’s willing to give this all a chance because there’s some plan or confidence in figuring out a plan. That he’s working on communicating with his friends more, checking in with each other to not drown alone in all of the new changes happening between them all. That he’s taking a moment to discover more about himself outside of swimming, still finding moments where he can to be a person outside of being an athlete, because it’s largely on him to ground himself with memories and people to create a work/life balance. Y’know, all of the stuff that gets put into post-ES and university au fics, and that showed up a liiiittle bit in s3.

That’s the hard part with Final Stroke, I think. You keep giving over faith to the story because Haru’s frustrated and earnest insistence to take on the world and keep his important bonds close at hand is alluring. The premise of Haru hearing Ikuya call him a hero, having to sit with that knowledge of how many of his friends look up to him (or once looked up to him) in that way, and now grappling with “oh, I chose a dream where I’m going to still have eyes looking up at me, every move I make influencing way more than just me” — that’s fascinating if handled with care! Does he still want to be an ordinary person, and what does it mean to be an ordinary person, really? How much of himself and his core values is he willing to examine, redefine, compromise, and/or let go in pursuit of this dream? Does he know he’s allowed to still change his dream? I was willing to head out the FS storyline, especially when it showed signs of “yeah, Haru’s going tf through it just like what a lot of y’all worried about happening” for the slim (but still present) chance that they’d entertain any of the previous questions. If you’re gonna show Haru, a person who has been steadily becoming more in tune with his convictions and what he wants out of life, get lost in tunnel vision and fall to pieces, you better be prepared to show me the lengths this guy and his core supports are willing to go to to create a new steady routine for this utter creature of habit. If you’re going to frame the story in a way that tries to push this dream being something he truly wants, then convince me.

The strongest parts by the end of the story are the domestic bits of camaraderie almost completely removed from the relay or competitions. Hell, there’s even more charm in the rehab and practices with Makoto and Nao, because they’re still goofing around with everyone and actively showing why their friendships are freakin magic. Those are the moments that make you believe that something awesome is happening by the time they’re in a pool together and making their dramatic proclamations of swimming for their bonds, and you let yourself get lost in the performance of it all. And that’s the thing!! I want to get lost in the friendship sauce and enjoy this movie!! I want it to feel like even if it’s not perfect or conclusive, it’s a send off that honors character progression in a semi-satisfying way. I want to spend time smiling about it in the aftermath and then creating to expand on joy. Currently, I’m operating on a mix of love and spite, and I’m understanding people’s draw to creating fix-it fics. I’ve spent days sitting and chewing on my opinion because I couldn’t bring myself to be comfortable with saying I was critical of it beyond a few conversations, but the time spent coming up with reasons to like it and convince myself that if I keep turning scenes from different angles and squinting that it’ll all make sense I think speaks for itself.

Like, I still want to talk about it and explore what can be said about the characters and their connections with the crumbs we were given. I came to the blorbo end-of-semester dance recital and I want to politely clap at the routine for their sake. I’m just not completely sold right now on what we were given without implanting a lot of outside assumptions and prior character knowledge/analyses in there to fill the holes.

[divine-elixir]

Rambling again for the night.

Only recently have I come to figure out that I'm a soulbond of some kind, for lack of a better term. I wouldn't say I'm scared of this fact, but I still feel uncertain and concerned about a few things. Lu, the one I'm bonded with....that doesn't feel right to say, I'll just call him my friend....I've started to wonder if his friends are also my friends. And do I have the right to refer to his parents as my parents or his brother as my brother. I know we're not related, but I have known them long enough to care about them. Even love them.

So many of his experiences have affected me to some extent, so can I call them mine too?

Hmm, I feel I should start from the beginning. At least from what I know, and attempt to piece things together. Just so it could make some sense to me.

If I tap into whatever memories Lu is okay with sharing with me, I can see a moment where he believed with absolute certainty that if he wished hard enough before bed he'd wake up in the morning to find his very own poke/mon or digi/mon had manifested in his room. It isn't anything unusual for a child to believe such things, but I guess he was just lonely and wanted a friend....and maybe I responded to such a wish. I don't know, but I am rather fond of thinking of myself as Lu's own partner digi/mon. I am not a digi/mon in any way, but I think it is the idea of being his special friend. Some one he could confide in when he had no one to talk to about his problems.

On my end, I've had a memory of some dream that has stuck with me for years. Almost 20 years in fact. I remember Lu being on a boat, and in the sky was this beautiful white creature....I'm sure that was me. Though I witnessed this dream from an outsiders perspective. The body of water the boat was in had a nice rainbow hue to it, and the sky was otherworldly. It was like Lu and I made some kind of connection through that dream.

But, it doesn't answer why I came to this world in the first place or left Tey/vat for that matter. I don't know why I don't remember many things about myself, but I've always chalked it up to having been here with Lu for these past almost 20 years. To forgetting I was a separate being to him and being asleep up 'til now.....until Gen/shin woke me up, I guess.

And if I forgot about being separate, then I guess Lu just forgot about me too at some point? I don't mind if people view me as imaginary, it doesn't make me feel any less real. But if Lu chalked me up to his imagination and nothing more, hmm the idea kind of hurts. A part of me has seen how he abandoned things most important to him just to meet societal expectations or deter bullies, so it isn't surprising for me to assume that.

Recently with us coming to terms with rediscovering each other, we feel a lot better. I always disliked the feelings of wanting to fight or attack another that came up at times, but to know it's all coming from Lu....it's a relief. Not that he's bad, he has his own frustrations toward wicked people. Even if he realizes now that my nonhuman status isn't his, he has told me that he still feels and sees himself as nonhuman and feels to be some kind of guardian beast. A mythical bird to be exact.

If my presence and his choosing to identify so is enough, then a forged identity is just as precious as any other.

And perhaps if Lu doesn't want me directly communicating with his family or friends for his own saftey, then maybe I should be satisfied with just being present and nothing else.

I don't know where else to go with this, but I also see the relief in not being from here or being born into this body. I don't feel stuck here and not beholden to anything. I could probably leave tomorrow and forget the stresses here, but....there's still stuff I want to see and do here so I'd definitely come back. I have to update this blog after all. It's one of the few online spaces that belongs to me and not Lu, so I at least have to leave a mark of some kind.

And I suppose keeping a record of this world is also important. This place has peanut butter and my home realm does not have that.

[sokovianfortune]

What is each member’s love language? What would they describe as their perfect date? What was the most surprising thing they learned about one another once they started dating?

under the cut bc this is long and i am self-conscious

what is each member’s love language?

physical touch is wanda’s, which can come as a surprise to most people. when it comes to strangers and even acquaintances, she’s a little more hesitant to reach out – a byproduct of having viewed her hands as the source of her magic for so long. but when it come to her loved ones, that hestiance melts away quickly because all she wants is to have them close and vision is far from an exception to the rule. she likes the security of being held. it’s very hard to think about all the time you spent alone and miserable without your husband when his arms are around you and you can hear his inner workings going brr under your ear.

now, more than ever, i think vision’s is words of affirmation. when so much of what’s going on in his head is uncertain, when he’s pretty much constantly wavering at the brink of an identity crisis and trying to piece together who he is and his place in the world, there’s a comfort to being told by someone he loves that he’s valued and appreciated regardless of the answers to those questions. that external validation is very important to someone who’s internal world is so conflicted and uncertain.

what would they describe as their perfect date?

the answer here is probably going to be slightly skewed just considering that actually going on dates has always been. a little difficult for both of them. even before all the civil war nonsense and thanos and westview AND the events of multiverse of madness, they were public figures under ever-increasing scrutiny. wanda didn’t even have us citizenship. date nights have always been a precious commodity for them and even in my own little post-MoM fix-it world, i imagine it takes them both quite a bit of time to want to leave the orchard and take those first few steps back into society – and, when they do, it’s only possible if vision has his human disguise in place and wanda uses a cloaking spell on her face and fingertips.

any date is the perfect date when you’ve never really been able to go on them regularly, is what i’m saying. particularly when you’re going on them with the person who you’d been convinced you’d never see again.

that said, they feel like museum people to me – vision for the obvious Ruminating On The Nature Of Humanity And Existence reasons and wanda because she finds it endlessly endearing to watch him ruminating and is always eager to listen to what he has to say about whatever exhibit they’re lingering near. she’s perfectly willing to let vision guide them to whatever it is he’s most interested in – even just being able to walk around somewhere hand-in-hand with her husband is more than perfect enough for her, really.

wanda being such a homebody usually means that her dates of choice usually take place close to there. picturesque little cottagecore picnics in the orchard are her favorite, but short walks in the nearby woods when it’s too cold to linger outside for the length of a meal are also good. even just an evening curled up on their living room couch together is more than she ever could have hoped to ask for.

what was the most surprising thing they learned about one another once they started dating?

for wanda, i think it was very much vision’s subtle sense of wit and humor. i’m thinking about that one post about data startrek (my lord and savior) going around that talks about him naming his cat and how i think that like. dry irony is probably something that vision also slowly picked up over his time with the avengers. and because she’s closest to him, wanda is one who started to pick up on it first. it always warms her now, whenever she sees shades of it returning as vision rediscovers himself.

even before they became an item, i think vision discovered even earlier than the rest of the team exactly how soft wanda was beneath the outer, angry goth girl exterior she projected when first joined the avengers. apart from clint, he was the first one wanda trusted enough to let him see past that shell to the lonely young woman who wanted nothing more than a loving family and the security of domesticity  – and because he’s vision, i think there was definitely a fascination there right alongside his growing affection. an appreciation for the multitudes that one person can hold inside of them.

[xulachics-theblackgirltake]

Identity and Music

In class we read "Sonny's Blues" which is a short story by James Baldwin that discusses the topics of music, identity, and the African-American experience. The story is set in Harlem which is about 30 mins away from where I grew up. The story talks about the relationship between two brothers with the narrator being someone who revolves around his brother, Sony. Baldwin presents a clear portrayal of the African-American community's hardships and accomplishments throughout the mid-twentieth century along with their relationships and experiences. One of the main themes of "Sonny's Blues" is the power of music. Sonny uses his music to express his emotions and cope with the pain and suffering he experiences in his life. Similar to Sonny, music has had a significant impact on my life as well. I listen to music while getting dressed and when I'm sad, happy or angry. It's similar to therapy for me. Music to me is like an escape from reality.

Throughout the story, music serves as a metaphor for the struggles of the African-American community, providing a way to communicate their pain, frustration, and hope. Music played a significant role in the African American community, with its impact extending far beyond the realm of entertainment. Even going back in time to the earliest days of slavery through the civil rights movement and beyond, music has become a powerful tool for African Americans to express their emotions, celebrate their culture, and bring about change. I can see that today from our current African American artists. Many of them utilize music as an escape from the hood and a way to deal with their pain. People who don't create music, like me, listen to it because we can relate to what these artists are going through. Music also provides African Americans with financial opportunities. Many African American musicians, producers, and executives have found success in the music industry, using their talents to create a varied range of music that people of all backgrounds have loved.

Another major theme in "Sonny's Blues'' is the search for one's identity. Sonny was a drug addict seeking to rebuild his life and rediscover his identity. When I initially started college, I struggled to discover my identity. I'm far away from home, and this was my first time being on my own. I usually rely on my mother, but because I live so far away, I had to figure out a lot of things for myself. Having the opportunity to be independent helped me in discovering who I really am. 

To end off I just want to state that "Sonny's Blues" is a moving story that captures the complexities of the African-American experience. This speaks to me since I use music to cope with a variety of challenges, and I am only now beginning to find my place in the world. Through its exploration of music, identity, and community, Baldwin paints a vivid and complex portrait of a people attempting to find their place in a world that frequently appears to be working against them.

-Tamia Williams

[mars-space]

Backing away from WWDitS household and focus on Marwa story:

1. Marwa got away from Nandor. Good. Get her to start healing. Figuring out the modern world.

2. She goes to the one person she now knows best: Freddie. Hopefully over time (and distance from Nandor) she can tell Freddie what happened. "I've been cursed by a vampire-villain-asshole-of-a-husband and need to go on a quest to find a djinn or at least kill the guy. Freddie somehow is able to break from the Nandor hypnosis (We know Nandor is the weakest with this ability) and agrees to help Marwa. Break the Freddie image over her. They are able to create a system to help define what Marwa actually likes versus what Nandor has forced her to like. The beginning of Best -Friends and sibling energy. (This is based on the scene we get at the end of 4.09)

3. New Mosquito Squad (NMS) formed. Along the way Marwa and Freddie make friends with others who have been wronged by the Staten Island Vampires. Marwa learns about the power she has now as a woman and how woman have been fighting for rights for a while. Some playing around and vampire hunting lessons.

4. Get the Djinn. After breaking into the house the first time, the NMS almost doesn't make it out because Guillermo. He's still defending and hasn't moved on. Freddie tries to get him to leave with them but it doesn't work. Nandor sees Marwa and tries to get her to stay. Luckily she's able to stand herself with the knowledge of "Oh crap this is going bad" (Lazlo and Nadja are off doing Story A this episode). Marwa is able to get to the Djinn but he tells her he's still bound to Nandor because he has two wishes left. The gift that keeps the Djinn trapped. Nandor and Guillermo are close to hurting NMS and the Djinn is able to get them away.

5. Marwa has to trick Nandor to use the last two wishes. Then can she finally get away. But how? Someone suggests using her connection to what Nandor likes. Marwa refuses, she already gave enough of herself to someone who wouldn't care. Making her realize there is someone that Nandor does care about: Guillermo. Freddie knows about Guillermo's weaknesses. Freddie sends a message to Guillermo for help and hoping Nandor will follow.

6. Marwa and Freddie are able to get Guillermo to meet at the planetarium (Give Marwa the advantage, specifically The Hayden Planetarium in NYC). Asking him to help with getting Nandor to wish for other items. Guillermo got Nandor to wish for stuff before and can do it again. Good news, Nandor did follow Guillermo and believes Guillermo betrayed him. Final fight. Guillermo will prove he is the better fighter. Marwa and Freddie will use Nandor's self-esteem and the planetarium to out do him. The final blow will come from Guillermo saving Freddie from a deadly attack. Nandor will wish for Guillermo to come back as a human and be protected from all harm (Djinn trickery allowed here).

7. Marwa gets the Djinn. Nandor is defeated. Marwa wishes to reverse all of Nandor's wishes that have been placed on her. Then turns to Nandor for his punishment. Justice must come with a lesson. She wishes Nandor to be human again. Marwa will tell Guillermo that he can keep being responsible for Nandor, move on or learn to rediscover humanity together. Marwa and Freddie leave back to London.

8. End credits. Marwa is traveling and face timing Freddie. Turns out Freddie found someone part of the NMS and they're in love. Djinn is with Marwa traveling together and having a good time. Plus once in a while Marwa might take down a vampire. It's nice that she was able to wish for Van Helsing powers.

Note: This is not to the genre or mood of the show but a side story idea to help with how Marwa can take back her identity and set herself up in the modern world she is now in. As Harvey has said on the podcast, a lot is not defined on the show but pieced together based on stuff that happens off camera. If you will, this is off-camera show belief

[is-very-sad]

Warnings: loss of identity/amnesia, vague pain, implied injury if you're clever, existential dread?

Word count: 685

Next

   I can't quite tell what fascinates me more about you; the fact you're so.. Amazing, or your own ignorance thereof.     Oh, don't worry, your ignorance isn't your fault to bear. You're barely waking up after all, aren't you? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    You don't know where you are. Do you even exist? Does the word even have a meaning? Body- a voice in your head says. What about bodies? What's so important?  Do you have a body? Of course!

What does it, what do you look like?  You. You look like you. What does that mean? You struggle. Memories hurt, feels like prying a nail off your finger with brute force. Think. You had… [wrong color] hair, you think? No, you have [color] hair! And..your skin was [color].. that sounds right. That sounds right? Despite how it curbs your pride, it does. It sounds right, but you don't have any other ways to know.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~       Awaking again to your nothing; you sit in idle boredom for what feels like an eternal minute. You're pretty sure that's a contradictory pair of words but it's apt.  .. What's your name? …    For what seems like eons, you awake and sleep in cycles. Haunted by questions you can't answer. How do you know you have [color] hair? Are you sure you have [color] eyes? How tall are you? Who do you love?    Wait, the last one you know. Don't you?     A ghost of a touch lingers on your arm. Is it a memory?     You have..four? In your family? Maybe a few more? Your head seems to fold on itself, as it always does when you try to remember too much. Too late you try to withdraw, the pain shocking you into nothing once again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    Eventually, you try to actually move, which is amusing because you're still not completely sure you even have a body to move in the first place. You think you feel an arm? A hand, fingers, but they hurt like your mind does. Not bad enough yet that you're willing to stop though, as you test the rest of you as you rediscover it. It aches, it stings and burns, why does everything hurt-    Letting yourself go limp, you remember you probably have eyes. Maybe you can figure out where you are? Except you can't figure out where your eyelids are? You have two on your outside, that's normal to your instincts, but you almost have another in your head, in some weird way. Why does nothing make sense? Now your eyes hurt without even using them, wonderful. Maybe this is a good time for one of your naps.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    You think you hear someone near you once. Or was it several? Several times? Several voices? Both? Everything seems to blur together. Have you already opened your eyes?     Why are they patting your head. This is weird. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    "It..ay...lit...one, just...check...okay?"    The voice makes you happy somehow, do you know them? They're messing with you in some way. Maybe you feel more, now? Their touches seem a little more solid than when you felt whatever you're laying on during your "exercise routines." They're touching your chest- should your heart be that slow?- checking something on your side. You can't feel it, it's almost fuzzy, why can't you feel a part of you? It stings fairly bad, if you're being honest. You twitch in pain, thinking you hear voices gasp in surprise.     "Darl..n you..me?" Why can't they speak in normal sentences? A hand bigger than instincts tell you it should be moves your face.    They speak something softly as they open your eyes for you. Another eye you didn't know you had is forced open.      A world is born. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    You're not sure if you're remembering or living. Gleeful laughs and black cloaks. Vague, blurry images of figures above you in a luxurious bedroom. Elegant paintings and carvings in the walls.     Intruders . Screaming. Hate and ravenous hunger.     Somehow, you feel you're not alone in your head. Eyes of another world.     Visions with eyes you don't think you had before. Loving breezes, elegant elite, blood and slaughter.

[jacarandabanyan]

📚for the fanfic plot ask thing!📚

Okay so- plot of one (of many) fanfic I haven't written (because to be honest, I don't have the skill to pull this off yet) but often daydream about:

I would love to write a This-Is-How-You-Loose-The-Time-War-inspired spy-vs-spy KisaIta fic. It would feature baby ANBU Itachi trying desperately to find a solution to the tensions brewing between his family and the village (massacre was still a few years off when he first joined ANBU, I believe). This eventually leads to him hunting down all reports/intelligence related to the night of the Kyuubi Attack and finding a few small scraps of information that hint at the existence of the Masked Man.

(He is a pre-teen, so he doesn't really *get* that finding a different scapegoat/"revealing the truth of what happened that night" probably isn't going to fix issues that are rooted in three generations of Village Policy and History, because he may be a genius at killing people but his education has not emphasized critical thinking)

He eventually tracks what little (extremely scant) evidence he has to Kiri, where he comes to believe the Masked Man is operating.

He gets himself sent on endless missions to the Land of Water in pursuit of his pet project, gaining himself a reputation in the process. There are no shortage of missions- the Land of Water is rapidly devolving into three different simultaneous civil wars, and resentment over the last Great Shinobi War lingers enough that Kiri and Konoha will likely never be friends in Itachi's lifetime.

(This is gonna get really long, so here's a read more)

At the same time, recently-made-ANBU Kisame has been mostly assigned to intelligence-related missions, as in canon. However, over the course of his first few months worth of missions, he comes to suspect that there's a leak in ANBU, and he sets about trying to find it and silence it. He slowly develops a reputation for ruthlessness even among ANBU, a cut above the normal Kiri ruthlessness, as he secretly works to get his fingers into every hidden nook, cranny, and conspiracy until he finds the disloyal one.

(And maybe he's projecting his issues/self-hatred related to killing other Kiri ninha just. a little bit. on this mysterious leaker. How dare this person sell out the Village? How dare they give out the information that gets other Kiri shinobi killed? It's easier to hate the faceless traitor than it is to hate himself. And at least he still *has* values. He killed the Few to protect the Whole.)

Over time, as the two develop their reputations, their respective villages start pitting them against each other in the field. Konoha has an unofficial policy of trying to off Seven Swordsmen hopefuls before they can get powerful enough to actually get a blade, and Kirigakure knows that the unstoppable Konoha operative is a Sharingan-user, and Obito-controlling-the-Mizukage is always down to take down his estranged family members.

Danzo is less eager to have Itachi take care of the Uchiha for good, not out of any particular maneuvering on Itachi's part, but because he also remembers the last Great Shinobi War, and how brutal Kirigakure was during it. He sees their ongoing civil strife and fears that one faction will eventually WIN and turn their attention on their neighbors. Itachi has made himself the best operative at getting into and out of Kirigakure- if he wants to interfere from the shadows and keep the civil strife going, he needs to keep Itachi in the field. (Don't worry, he finds other ways to be awful/keep the pressure on).

Itachi and Kisame are a good match-up. Itachi might be a natural genius with a fancy kekkei-genkai, but Kisame has way more experience than him. Also, unlike laser-focused Itachi, Kisame is actually keyed into the intelligence world, so he always has more information than Itachi.

They clash over and over again over several years, and slowly learn more and more about each other. They mature into seasoned ANBU operatives, have epiphanies about themselves and their villages. And slowly come to like each other.

Itachi has his sexual awakening when he sees Kisame rise up out of an ocean of blood, shirtless, effortlessly hoisting a struggling Jonin one-handed over his shoulder, big tooth-filled grin on his face.

They infiltrate each others' villages and insert themselves into each others' missions in disguise. Itachi genjutsus a Kiri team to think he's one of their teammates, whom Kisame secretly has orders to eliminate. He feels a surge of relief when the teammate he'd known since his Academy days dissolves into a murder of crows moments before his sword pierces their chest- his teammate is still dead, but at least this time they were killed by an enemy, not Kisame himself.

Kisame knows his mysterious counterpart is a Sharingan-user, so he infiltrates the Uchiha compound to tease out what the situation is with the clan in Konoha right now (and maybe see if he can figure out who his counterpart is).

While he's in the village, tracking kekkei-genkai users, he discovers Root and exposes it. This is both a huge win for Kiri Intelligence and put Danzo in a tricky situation, since he supposedly disbanded it.

Eventually Kisame figures out that some of the leaked information is making its way to Danzo, so he goes to kill Danzo and try and figure out who he's getting his information from. This is right around when Danzo's started making threatening noises towards the Uchiha again, since Root was just rediscovered (by foreign intelligence, no less!) and he needs to redirect attention off himself and onto the Uchiha. He's even considering the total elimination plan again- Itachi's work in the Land of Water is valuable, but not more valuable than consolidating control over the Village.

(Or perhaps he doesn't need Itachi for this- Shisui is also a talented ANBU operative, after all. Sasuke was originally supposed to be the spare Uchiha left alive in the village, so they wouldn't loose the precious Sharingan, but it's becoming increasingly clear that while he's good, he's not as good as Itachi. Why keep the subpar tool and throw away the masterwork?)

Itachi develops a humorous problem where he's leading three different fake lives, and is covering up with by genjutsu-wammying anyone who might notice anything suspicious in the timing of his long absences. He's infiltrated Mei's rebellion as a spy who needs to disappear a lot to go do spy stuff, while at the same time pretending to be an official in the Water Daimyo's court, while also posing as a regular Kiri Jounin.

His Regular Kiri Jounin act is so solid, they give him a genin team. One of the genin is related to the civilian official he's impersonating in the Daimyo's court, and she constantly comes to see him and tell him all about her sensei. On of the other genin on the team is related to a the Mizukage, and Mei orders him to kidnap that genin away from their sensei, which is also him, so that he can be used as leverage. The third genin turns out to be a secret kekkei-genkai user, and actually wants to be kidnapped away to the rebellion so that they won't have to live in fear of being discovered, and also because they hate the current government. This genin who wants to be kidnapped is constantly fighting with the genin he's actually supposed to kidnap, and whines that "Sensei, you're not supposed to play favorites! Why do they get to get kidnapped but I don't? They don't even want to get kidnapped!"

(Itachi the Regular Kiri Jounin, who is Unquestionably Loyal and Totally Not a Radical Who Would Join the Rebellion, ends up dating Kisame, whose identity as an ANBU is technically a secret. This relationship runs on willful ignorance.)

Kisame and Itachi would end up taking each others' places at some point to take down each others' mentors- Kisame walks right into Danzo's office looking like Itachi, and no one blinks when they sense the genjutsu because Itachi is always casting genjutsus. No one even realizes anything's wrong until Danzo's dead and "Itachi" is making his getaway.

Itachi would be approached by Fuguki at some point with an offer to sell information, and immediately realizes that this is Kisame's leak. He argues to Danzo's replacement that the value of Kiri's ANBU turning on each other is greater than the value of having someone willing to sell the occasional nugget of info. He has to work not to laugh behind his ANBU mask, because Konoha nin just don't get how down Kiri nin are to turn on each other at the drop of a hat. "Turning Kiri ANBU against each other" please, as if the Seven Swordsmen don't regularly train their own murderers. As if one of the fastest ways to gain cache isn't by offing your superiors. It's like Konoha Intelligence knows nothing.

He wins his case, and reveals what he knows to Kisame, who goes and kills Fuguki like he did in canon. Obito reveals himself, same as in canon, and Kisame immediately knows how he's going to pay Itachi back. He's still disillusioned with the Shinobi world like in canon, but he had his initial Pit of Despair moment years ago, when he figured out there was a leak in ANBU and that truly there were lies everywhere. He's learned how to compartmentalize since then.

He pretends to join Obito so that he can feed Itachi information. Together they take down Obito, revealing his crimes to both Kiri and Konoha.

It should be over then- Kisame found the leak, Itachi cleared his family's name- but it's been around a decade at this point. Both of them have played so many roles as spies that they don't know how to go back to who they were before.

Itachi's almost spent more of his life in the Land of Water than in the Land of Fire at this point, and he certainly knows more people there than in the Land of Fire. He's passed his twentieth birthday by now, and he's no longer a pre-teen with no concept of the world and his place in it outside of Konoha Propaganda/Brainwashing. He doesn't know how to relate to Sasuke's fierce, uncomplicated desire to grow up to be the best Shinobi, because how can he think that's a good thing at this point?

Meanwhile, Kisame still kind of hoped that killing the liars/traitors who had sent so many Kiri-nin to their deaths would make him feel better about all the comrade-killing, but it doesn't. He can't seem to reconcile his absolute loyalty to the Village and its ideals with his disgust at everything they do.

For a brief while, he and Itachi join Mei's rebellion for realsies (Itachi still as one of his undercover roles) and help her topple the Bloody Mist government and install a new one, but it's not enough. What she's proposing is still a Ninja Village. It's better than what there was before, but that's not really a ringing endorsement.

Itachi's the first one to decide to walk away. He lets Kisame "kill" him on a random mission in a way that doesn't lend itself to a body being returned or retrieved, then settles down and builds himself a life as a secret kekkei-genkai child who grew up hidden like Mei, but never learned to be a proper shinobi. He spends his days at a quiet house outside Kiri proper gardening and making jam by the side of a lake Kisame made during one of his fights with Itachi. There's a ghost town near the lake, emptied during the Civil War years. He develops a reputation as a ghost.

Kisame walks away not long after. He can't really leave, of course- unlike Itachi, he has no desire to settle down in a foreign country, and too many people know him here- but he does step away from active duty. He "kills" Itachi The Regular Kiri Jounin-Sensei and takes his genin team for himself. The kids know something's up because their Sensei still visits them sometimes, though he half-heartedly tries to convince them he's a ghost. They help spread the story about the ghost living by the lake anyway, just in case anyone starts investigating.

Kisame quietly moves out of his shitty Kiri apartment to join Itachi by the lake. Some of the seven swordsmen do come investigating then, but when they discover that Kisame's just moving in with his squeeze who he really sexily fake-murdered, they decide not to do anything about it. Besides, they like Itachi and don't want to have to write up a report about how dangerous it is to Kiri security that he lounges around a lake all day, drawing birds and cooking elaborate meals in an attempt to blend the comfort food of his youth with the produce and spices native to Kiri that are honestly more familiar to him at this point than the ones that grow in the Land of Fire.

Itachi sometimes goes and visits Sasuke and Shisui back in Konoha, but mostly he hangs out in his new home and lives out his soft, domestic, non-violent dreams with Kisame and his cute little genin. It's a sappy ending.

[incarnateirony]

Hi!

Sorry for troubling you with this but I wanted to clarify something for myself. In those posts where you were answering people's questions about, whether Cas's got himself a soul or was saved by Jack, and were saying that it all was in the script, which leaked a long time ago, and all over your meta. But how can people, who didn't read the script and your posts, work it out? Like was there something on the show which said how souls are created through feelings? Because it seems a bit of a stretch that the authors made, for example, so much obvious that Cas's confession was love confession but failed to deliver some at least visual evidence that he got to heaven (with some spec of light in the Empty or something). They had to give some verbal or noticeable visual evidence of the process of creating a soul or Cas going to heaven.

Or we were supposed to get this from the fact that souls don't go to the Empty?

Everyone explained it with Jack because they have seen him an episode before calling desperately for Cas because he missed him and then getting the abilities to bring him back.

Figuring out the soul option from only TV episodes requires analysis if it is even possible, which i don't think, the authors thought the audience would do.

So what do you think about it?

Sorry for the length. And thank you.

So here’s the deal: do I imagine somewhere, in the depths of official business notes even beyond script drafts, there may even be a “yeah sure whatever jack brought him back” to answer any questions to the same suits that can’t tell what the fucking Roadhouse is much less more nuanced story beats? Sure.

But here’s the beats.

Check my #Shadow and #Cosmogenesis tags to begin--but in summary: the shadow is both a protogenic and personal psychological concept of the unformed or unaddressed self, and As-Above-So-Below, of the unformed and unperceived world. That is to say-- everyone and everything has a shadow. If you check out Jung, he explains essentially that the shadow is everything we repress about ourselves or fear addressing.

Now, look at the Occultum, where Jack reclaimed his soul; as Cas put it: “Loosely translated: In order to be in the occultum, the occultum must be in you.” -- but also remember the same episode highlighted “Occultum” is just Latin for “hidden.” -- They made an entire funny trade-off about that. 

See, with the alchemy theme on the year, the original cipher reads, in Latin:  “Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem,” or in English, “Visit the interior of the earth and rectifying you will find the hidden stone.” 

The motto originated in L’Azoth des Philosophes by the 15th Century alchemist Basilius Valentinus. But in alchemy, the shorthand is that the earth is symbolic of the body, and the hidden stone is the perfect soul. 

Naming it the Occultum in Latin, and highlighting the latin, then randomly transcribing it in Enochian for Castiel to be the one to get that line spoken was incredibly poignant: they streamlined the symbolism with his “roughly translated” commentary, but the sentiment remained. Given, the gnostic dweebs in our server, when we realized Jack literally ATE IT:

Either way, Jack disappears into the occultum within him to unlock his hidden soul, where the serpent asks one of the prime questions of the journey of the self: “Who Are You?” -- in rectifying what is found there, Jack rediscovers his soul and is reborn.

But the Occultum isn’t only JUST this literal place. It’s a place, it’s a thing, whatever it is, it’s powerful. That was the core key to come in contact with it, but the moral of the story is simple: the kingdom of heaven is within you all along. 

But first we have issues to rectify.

The stages are simple. The Shadow asks, “Who are they?” in its dawning state, lacking self identity. On a cosmogenic level, this is where for example Chuck and Amara come to be. On a personal level, this is when we look both outward at other people for identity and even almost disassociated from ourselves.

“I know what you hate, I know who you love, what you fear, there is nothing for you back there.” - Castiel’s shadow on an individual level reflected this in a detached third person sort of way, even if the reflection itself is incredibly personal. The speech is “I speak in order to affirm we are the same.” -- I’m you, you’re me. But if the shadow is rejected, we do not address it.

The Animus, or basic ego, asks “Who am I?” it’s the first stage of wondering. The speech phase is marked “I don’t speak as I don’t dare.” By the next phase (Anima, the superego or dawning soul), it’s “Who are you?” and the speech phase is “I speak as I don’t dare to remain silent.”

On Castiel’s journey, this comes through things like the prayer group where he talks about rediscovering who he was. In the raw initial text, it was coming to realize that he became a father and found a family. But later, 15.18 -- as we approach a stage called Rubedo or the Magician -- has the question “Who art thou”. The speech stage is “I speak in order to hear what I have to say.”

Now, Dean for example had his share of this journey even if it was less about gaining a soul as SPN gives him one as a human birthright but more in repairing the damages on it and also learning when to let go. The four phases are also associated with birthing phases. And death phases. Rubedo is death and birth at the same time.

Notice closely Castiel’s dialogue with Dean; in Purgatory, in a stage reflective of the shadow called Nigredo, where their relationship had rotten and putrefied, he took a knee into Albedo, connected to Animus. I don’t know why I get so angry. It’s always been there. And I can’t stop it. You’re my best friend and I just let you go. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t stop it. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. Cas, there’s something I have to tell you.��

But I don’t speak as I don’t dare/you don’t have to say it.

Castiel turned around in his own awakening and answered this prayer. He addressed why Dean has these self worth and anger issues and how worthy he is of love.

This, just like several other visuals on the year (15.09, 13) are symbolic of something called the Marriage of the Minds. If Grace/Mind is embodied in Castiel, which also mirrors the divine feminine (hence calling the light Rowena parallel in both his death and what he does post-rebirth), and well--Soul and humanity has always been Dean, which is also the solar emblem. Their union gives life to the World, which they just kept kicking us in the teeth with both the phrase of over the year and the visuals in 19. Cue, planetary zoomout, for reasons.

But this also falls into the shadow’s “threat” to Castiel: When you let the sun shine on your face, that’s when I’ll come.

Castiel poured out his heart and, well... soul, basically, about Dean. He changed because of Dean. He carried his torch of right and wrong and what it meant to love because of Dean. Dean changed him. And the moon and mind was full of light reflected in the soul, because of what they did and learned for the Whole World. For love.

A phrase from the corpus hermeticum is, “The cause of Death is Love, but Love is All,” and All itself is another macro/microcosm: the All is the Shadow when perceived, the universal soul, it is essentially--in SPN terms--heaven, unadulterated by the whims of the demiurge that was Chuck. It is the place where souls are born -- as the occultum, the garden, led to Eden, which DSOTM also tells us some see as god’s throne. It’s that we all have a throne inside of ourselves. 

Castiel in subsuming Death in an act of love addressed his every fear and repressed issue of himself, and came to learn that Happiness wasn’t in the having, it was in the Being, it was in the Just Speaking It. The just tweeting it out.

But if you track back to those cosmogenics tags, Being comes from the Prima Materia, and the Prima Materia once perceived is the light of the world that is the soul. Souls are real, everything else is perception. People, families, we are. 

The Empty is both a cosmogenic paradox and a place within ourselves of our own hollowness -- those things we won’t let ourselves have or feel, but without it, we will never be complete. The idea embodied in the occultum is opposite of that, but also within all of us. It’s nowhere-everywhere-in-us. It’s a matter of asking: Who are you? Who am I?

“You think that’s what you are/That is not who you are.” Castiel addressed, but instead told him of love, and the world, and being the most loving man he would ever meet. “That is who you are.”

In this moment Castiel addressed both himself, and even Dean’s issues. Castiel answered who he was and, at the same time, helped Dean come to peace with who *he* is. And that sacrifice and moment would not be in vain. So it was time to stop the anger, and the desperation, and to live on as intended, and eventually let go in peace come his time. 

Sam’s path on this was always leading opposite and always leading him towards earth. Not in a bad way either. It’s fine to do that. Sam had his own chance at individuality told in the future-story. 

But it’s about the Shadow integration, about the difference in Being or Absence and knowing what is Good, in about the peace we can find in all of ourselves to be complete. 

I do feel a bit sad that the plot end had to be diverted; they generally addressed the idea of Dean needing to speak at the end of the road. But the original point he “had to tell you” and got shut down on never manifest, to the expectable disappointment of all. But I guess that’s what eternity-ever-after is for. 

“Castiel is At Peace.” -- At Peace. Heaven tag. Not the Empty. “Mary Winchester is At Peace”, remember that? And teaching the guys to let go and move on because she was at peace?

Even souls can burn out--that’s what demons even are after all. The fact that Dean’s story long walked parallel to the threat of wandering into the Empty isn’t a fluke either. Because of his own issues the concept reflects. But he didn’t. He went to heaven. And probably has 15.09 and 15.18 to thank for that in the subtext.

Integrating with the shadow to become a complete persona (Jung) or soul (general alchemy) aka gold (also general alchemy) doesn’t leave regrets to even sit there and dream about. In fact, the entire heaven structure and division--even that’s perceptual. Check out the Axis Mundi meta on that. Chuck protected his Thought Box against the shadow and it needed summoned, but anybody notice it’s fine on rolling through heaven? It’s up to the rules in each chamber there. It’s just the flipside of the garden/throne/heaven-- it’s not being At Peace. It’s not being full. It’s not being your complete self. It’s just Absence (14.18, the soul.)

The Shadow haunted Castiel as his fears, and when Castiel lacked self worth and to some extent invited death and suffering, it reflected those desires. But in addressing the reasons for having them, it turns into another form of Being entirely.

[scullysexual]

{ post col fic: 4}

Season 9 canon-divergence. 2002 becomes the last documented year. The Colonists come and wreak havoc over everything that was once known and normal. From buildings being blown up to certain parts of the world not in existence anymore. When a simple patrol assignment goes wrong, Mulder finds himself bargaining his way to the top while Scully sinks lower and lower.

Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // AO3

@today-in-fic @mypanicface let me know if you want to be tagged.

- - - 

Out of the hospital, a bright light shining above her, whiteness all around.

She was in that train compartment again.

Her chests constricts, breath growing shallow as she begins to helplessly move around on the table.

Figures appear above her, three identical people. A tear slips out from her eye.

“Put her to sleep,” one of the clones say.

Scully is just about to call out a ‘no’ when a cloth is pressed against her mouth.

Her last cognizant thought is chloroform before the setting around her fades, her eyes closing.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Two weeks have passed since her initiation. Edie had promised that the pain would stop after a week but it still hurt to move her cheeks, the cut still burning and itching.

Two cuts from mouth to ear. Right now they were red and nasty with butterfly stitching keeping the tissue together. This type of cut will scar, as is its intention to mark those who are enslaved by the Colonists. Only the women, though.

These cuts on her face will scar her skin forever. Even if she ever became free, if the Resistance ever did save them, the scars, this life will always be there, people will know what she was. Scully wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

A sea claimed America.

Mulder sits on the edge of a cliff staring at a large Island- USA Part Two he called it- across the water.

“We’re going to need a boat,” says Skinner.

Mulder surveys the coastline beneath him. Not too far away does he spy a ferry transit boat taken from Washington State.

“That,” says Mulder pointing down.

A look of hesitation appears on Skinner’s face.

“They use that to transport slaves.”

Mulder holds both arms out towards Skinner knowing full well his former boss still carries FBI issued handcuffs.

The Colonists have clones that carry out their dirty work; rounding up refugees, transporting them. Treated as the lowest, they still held a higher standing than most humans.

Mulder, now handcuffed, is forcefully yanked out of the wagon.

“What have we got here?” This clone is the common type- bald and intimidating. Mulder frequently saw this man on many a patrol and in hiding.

“Prisoner. I’m taking him to San Francisco,” explains Skinner.

“San Francisco doesn’t exist.”

Well that was news to them. Skinner however recovers.

“Point is, he’s going there.”

The clones exchange a look before asking>

“Is he marked?”

Marked. Branded on the sole of his foot. That answer was no.

“Of course,” says Skinner.

“I think we check,” suggests another clone.

“There’s no need to,” says Skinner. “I marked him myself.”

Yet the first clone isn’t convinced.

“You’re human,” he spits.

“I have permission to transport slaves.”

The clone gets close to Skinner’s face.

“You are a slave.”

“I’m not a slave.”

The clone takes out a pistol, cocking it.

“Then die.”

“I just want to go to San Francisco.”

The clones smiles gleefully.

“You’re not going to fucking San Francisco.”

The shot rings out. Mulder yells as Skinner’s body falls to the ground.

A clone reaches for him and Mulder tries to shake him off, succeeding, yet only to be grabbed by another.

“What do you choose?” the clones asks.

In any other circumstance Mulder would choose death over enslavement yet his promise to Scully rings in his ear. Besides, this could be his only chance to California.

He bows his head hearing the vicious, joyful smirk on the clones voice.

“Get in,” he demands and Mulder is yanked by the chain between the cuffs, forced beneath the deck with fifty others, a promise to Scully on his lips.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Dust flies around in the air. A spotlight baring down on her. She can barely see the people sat in booths before her, a man’s voice ringing off numbers, somebody kneeling beside him measuring the width of her hips with a tape measure.

She’s about to be paid for. Sold to the man who pays the most for her. They called that prostitution in the old world yet here it’s the norm.

She’s about to be forced to make babies but they don’t understand her body cannot do that. Only once, a miracle she gave up.

Her body still carries the evidence, faint scars adorn her stomach and breasts. She had hidden her body away from Mulder, self-conscious of how it had changed to accommodate a developing child. He had kissed her scars and told her she was still beautiful.

And maybe those scars keep her alive now as a gravel sounds and shr is bought for 600 Jewels.

.:.:.:.:.:.

Mulder learned quickly how sex was now to be viewed. The aim was simply to procreate, make a baby and let it grow. It was almost animalistic, no connections to be formed, they weren’t even allowed to do it face to face.

.:.:.:.:.:.

Scully cried the first time. She had only been with Mulder since that first night when she rediscovered herself. Even when he was missing she waited, her loyalty extending past a simple work partnership. Yet now, as another man thrusts into her, as another man’s come drips out of her, she can’t help but feel she’s failed him somehow.

.:.:.:.:.:.

He hates himself everytime. For giving in, for thinking of her everytime he comes. It’s a disservice to both Chloe and Scully.

It was simple really, he wanted her. Seven years without properly hearing her or seeing her was beginning to take it’s affect.

“I’m sorry,” he says when Chloe has left the room and he sits encased by his own self loathing.

He feels arms wrap around him, a head resting against his shoulder and her voice speaking out it’s own apology.

“I’m sorry, too.”

He blinks and she is gone.

She was never there.

.:.:.:.:.:.

Her period comes as a blessing rather than a curse most days. It all stops. For a month Scully is taken out of the breeding program.

Scully fixes herself up, in a much better mood than she was earlier and pleasantly bounces down the stairs.

“It’s been five months and nothing!” the mistress cries.

“What do you want me to do?” Roger asks.

Scully pauses at the door to the drawing room. It was rude to listen but they were talking about her.

“Sell her. Put her back up for auction. Buy one that works,” Ruth is demanding.

Her happy mood dashing away at the thought of enduring a second humiliating auction, Scully slumps against the wall. She hadn’t become comfortable here by any means but it had become familiar, and despite that first night, Roger wasn’t terrible. He was kind at least. The thought of moving doesn’t sit right with her unless it was moving to freedom and that was unlikely.

“Better yet get somebody younger,” Ruth adds and that hits a nerve within Scully, causing her to frown and the feeling of being inadequate pooling in her stomach. She was passed the age of thirty-five but she definitely hadn’t reached the menopausal stage, her body still worked she just needed time.

But time had never been on Scully’s side.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

“What if it happens again?”

Scully looks over the small campfire, Mulder’s voice pulling her out of her thoughts.

He looks lost in his own.

“What if what happens?”

“What if you become pregnant again?”

She notices now that he’s saying this to her stomach, as if he’s trying to see if she is pregnant at all. Without much thought, Scully wraps the blanket tighter around herself.

“I won’t,” she says curtly.

“It’s happened before,” Mulder states.

Yes it has happened before but miracles only happen once.

“Would it be a problem with I did?” Personal problem she means. Would he view her as a burden? View their baby as another mouth to feed?

“No,” comes Mulder’s voice. “But it wouldn’t be easy.”

No it wouldn’t.

The reason for his questioning puzzles her. The conversation of another child is rarely mentioned.

“Why do you ask?”

Mulder sighs. “I’ve been thinking about him.”

Scully purses her lips, feeling herself about to shut this conversation down. However, for some reason, she lets Mulder continue. “About where he might be, if he’s even still alive.”

William. The name of a child both parties refuse to talk about.

Scully can see the tears forming in Mulder’s eyes and stands up from her place.

Sitting down she brings him into her arms, comforting him as the tears silently fall.

“Maybe he got lucky,” she tells him.

Maybe he was okay.