#and save your time by not clicking on the fic ffs

[teabutmakeitazure]

Why. Can't. People. Understand. That. Stockholm. Syndrome. Is. In. The. Tags. For. A. Reason.

[animehideout]

LOVE IS THE MOST TWISTED CURSE OF THEM ALL

PART 13 ( FINAL )

Gojo Satoru x Fem! Reader

A/N: Omg can't believe that we reached the end of this ff! I started this fic on Dec 12, 2023 and today it's ending on April 19, 2024 🥺.

Thank you everyone for Being part of this journey, thank you for reading, for your support and for your patience! I truly appreciate and you guys truly saved me! I love every single one of you 💗💗💗.

I hope you enjoy this final part as well, and stay tuned more fics are coming 🔜

I'll post an analysis of this fic to emphasize the meanings, morals and life lessons included, if you're interested of course!

Again thank you so much 🙏🏻🫶🏻

Warning: SMUTTT MDNI 🔞 NOT PROOFREAD ⚠️

If you're a Smut Asmr enthusiast you can click on this YouTube link : Gojo Kissing Asmr to add to the experience while reading.

In your house, the place that now you can confidently call a home. Crazy how when two souls bind they make any cold and abandoned place, alive and warm.

Satoru closed your bedroom door as both you got inside, his blue eyes never leaving yours, his hands circled your waist, as you walked backwards.

"You gave me a hard time y/n! I thought you hated me for real!"

With hazy eyes that seduced the shit out of him, you spoke,

"I had to give you a taste of your own medicine Satoru"

"Oh God, this attitude gets me fucking hard for you" he blurted out, growing more impatient.

You smirked as you saw how desperate he was,

"Too excited, Satoru?" you teased,

"Mhm, I know you are too!" he answered, pushing you on the big bed and hovered over you, taking you by surprise on how fast he was, "if you allow me my princess"

You nodded, your mind racing with wild thoughts that contradicted your innocent face, you can't wait to feel him inside of you, filling every inch that's screaming for him.

"It-its my first time though–"

"Don't worry princess, just trust me"

..

He leaned down pressing his lips on yours, moaning into the kiss. He stripped out of his clothes in front you, you watched him fully naked before your eyes that scanned him, your inside throbbing, growing impatient wanting him to fill the emptiness inside you. Now he helped you out of your clothes. He paused for a moment to admire your body that was under him. His blue eye glistening with love and lust. His large hands reached to touch your neck, chest, abdomen and then rested on your thighs, spreading your legs.

You closed your eyes as you felt the tickling sensation of his long fingers running on the soft skin of your inner thighs.

"Open your eyes princess, keep your eyes on me"

You nodded and did as he said feeling the heat,

"Mhm"

"Fuck... look at you princess so wet for me"

You gasped a bit when you felt his breath on your pussy. He admired you for a bit, the his tongue started working on pleasuring you down there.

You felt the need to grab into something, so your hands found their way to his hair, pulling on it.

"S-shit" you moaned,

as he continued to eat you out,

"Let it go baby", he whispered still devouring you till you cane around his tongue.

"Fuck"

"You taste so good baby, daamn" he exclaimed as he now slowly pushed himself inside you. "F-fuck baby" he groaned at your tightness.

"S-satoru"

"T-tell me when you w-want me t-to move baby" he groaned wanting to thrust into you so bad.

"You can move" you whispered

He slowly started moving, looking at you making sure you felt comfortable. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a passionate kiss, while he pulled out and pushed back into you. You whimpered from the new sensation that made you crave him even more.

"You okay?"

"Mhm f-faster"

He smirked, finally getting the green light ti pound you, each thrust sent both of you on cloud nine.

"Satoru don't stop" you moaned rolling your eyes back.

Your words and moans only motivated him to keep going faster and harder leading him and you to your climax.

"Shit, I-I'm close S-satoru" you shut your eyes tightly.

"Fuck—together baby"

You rocked your hips up, both of your hearts pounding out of your chests till both of you released at the same time.

"Yeaah oh fuck baby"

He laid next to you on the bed for a few moments looking into each other's eyes then started giggling as he pulled you to his chest.

"you did so good princess, I love you so much"

"I love you too"

.....

"Here! lemme help you clean up!"

"Thanks" you smiled softly

"What about we watch a movie and cuddle till we fall asle–.. are you okay?" he asked as he saw you zoning out.

"I–I'm" but you couldn't finish your sentence, feeling out of breath.

"Y/n what's wrong?" asked Gojo worriedly,

"I- I can't breathe–" you stuttered,

You quickly put on your panties, and grabbed Gojo's shirt that was thrown on the bedroom floor and put it on, hurrying outside for some air. You clutched your chest, coughing violently, each cough racked your body making you stumble into the wall and random objects.

"Baby- y/n lemme take you to Shoko" he said trying to grab you, but you flinched away, you were too sensitive to any touch,

"No-no"

"Baby please wait" he pleaded, still fully naked,

You swung the house door open, rushing to the street trying to inhale fresh air as much as possible but it was too hard to do so, making effort to breathe. Barefoot, only in Gojo's shirt that became a dress on you. Desperately gasping for oxygen. Cold sweat trickled down your forehead, your vision blurred, dizziness taking over you, your world spinning trying your best to take control over your body that betrayed you.

Gojo rushed outside as well, he had to put his pants on before chasing after you. He couldn't leave the house naked.

"AAAAAAA" you screamed your lungs out, as your eyes scanned your surroundings,

"Y/N" yelled Gojo, fear taking over him, he hugged you tightly, you buried your head in the crook of his neck.

With a flick of his finger he exorcised the curses that were surrounding both of you in the area, making them disappear in a matter of seconds.

"A-re those–?" you mumbled, feeling your heart beats get steadier and your breathing back to normal.

"Yes, curses! wait– you can see them!??" he asked, his eyes widened when he realized you saw the curses.

"Wait!!! I saw them?!!" you looked at Gojo in surprise processing the fact that you can see curses now.

"Does that mean–"

"My curse broke!?"

"Your curse broke!?"

both of you exclaimed at the same time, looking at each other in surprise.

Gojo hugged you tight, spinning you around.

"Omg baby finally!!! We have to go to Jujutsu High now!" he added,

"Wait– can we go tomorrow? I don't think I'm ready to face them, besides I'm still processing it" you said looking uncomfortable.

"I know, but I'm sorry princess, we don't have a choice! it is a must that we inform them now! All of us have been waiting for this"

You nodded in defeat, after all informing them is totally the better option than seeing other curses and not knowing what to do beside screaming.

You went back to your house, took a shower and put on some proper clothes on while Satoru made a phone call to Principal Yaga.

"You ready sweetheart?" he asked.

"Yeah ready" you answered with a deep breath.

"Hey hey babe, look at me! it will be alright. I'll be by your side the whole time okay?" he said cupping your cheeks.

• At Jujutsu High •

You hesitantly sat on the chair, the higher-ups eyes fixated on your every move, making you feel extremely awkward.

"So Gojo Y/n, Satoru told us that you were able to see curses tonight and that you had trouble breathing and dizziness?" said one of the higher ups

"Mhm yes right, I couldn't breathe and I had a weird feeling as if I'm being choked or suffocated and when I went out for some air I've seen 3 curses surrounding us"

"And you're aware of what that means?"

"It means my curse broke— right?"

"Correct! how did it break though? what did you do to break it? It's been months since taking your vows why did it break tonight?" he asked

"uhm" you didn't know what to say,

You and Satoru looked at each other, and you can see the smirk on his face, then you realized that the vows were not the ones to break the curse, but true love bonding; by making love.

You can feel your cheeks warm up, a red tint colored them. Satoru lowered his head trying not to burst into uncontrollable laughter when he saw how shy you got from your realization.

You stuttered not knowing what to say, it was really inappropriate to tell them that sex with Gojo broke it. With a small chuckle Gojo looked at them and said,

"Don't worry about it, it just did, I helped her with it"

"It is official then. Y/n ! starting from today you're officially a Jujutsu Sorcerer welcome to our society"

You kinda felt proud that now you're part of something and not just a purposeless human being who doesn't even know themselves. But at the same time you felt terrified at the fact that you've got hella responsibilities on your shoulder starting from tonight.

"Thank you" you muttered, fidgeting with your fingers.

"But I must tell you, a lot of special grade curses will attempt to attack you and kill you–"

"Not only curses but also the other sorcerers" said one of the other higher ups

"other sorcerers? aren't all sorcerers serving the same purpose, killing curses?" you asked

"Well, as you can see, not all sorcerers are good, staring from your case with Mei Mei, there are many of them and more worse than her. You're considered both a balance and a threat to our world y/n" he explained

You felt extremely uneasy and uncomfortable, too much pressure, too much information to process. Feeling very overwhelmed more than ever. Your forehead dripping with cold sweat.

"I know you've already told me that the prophecy said I'll bring balance but how? what is my task exactly?" you asked, questions making your head spin.

"You're the strongest now, and to remain that way you mustn't die, it's all in your hands from now on, the Jujutsu Community depends on you for protection from the Ultimate danger"

"The ultimate danger?"

"You know our task as sorcerers to exorcise curses and protect the normals, those who can't defeat themselves"

"Yes?"

"Well the prophecy didn't only mention you, it mentioned also the danger we'll face, it is mentioned that an ancient and dark sorcerer will try to invade humanity with curse energy leading an evolution, a world full of sorcerers and curses"

"So the non sorcerers are at risk?"

"Exactly but also the sorcerers"

"Is it Sukuna that will carry this deed?"

"No! not Sukuna"

"Huh? isn't he an ancient dark–?"

"He is a special grade curse, but it's not Sukuna's plan to make the world full of sorcerers that want to exorcise him, Sukuna's goal is to be the ruler, gather followers and execute those who do not submit" explained Satoru

"Then who's this sorcerer?"

"We don't know! but all what we know that you'll be the first one to confront him" added Principal Yaga.

You gulped, being the first one; without experience on how to use your Jujutsu, and to meet one ancient strong sorcerer that has destructive plans is kinda crazy and it made your heart go crazy. What if you're not capable of defeating him? What if you disappoint the Jujutsu Community that has faith in you?

All of these questions burned your throat, but you can't ask them, you'd be seen as weak and scared and you definitely can't let them know that.

"Alright then" you simply said, then excused yourself and left the meeting room.

Gojo followed you, he can sense your discomfort.

You stood in the balcony, joined by your husband.

"It's not an easy task you've got" he started,

"Ugh thanks for reminding me again Satoru" you rolled your eyes at him.

"Come on Y/n! you'll get used to it" he whispered pulling you close to him by your waist, his big arms surrounding you in a protective way.

"I don't even know what my technique is Satoru"

"Oh but I do!"

"You do?"

"Yes, your technique was already foreseen, its a heritage from a very ancient sorcerer, the last sorcerer that had it was like 200 years ago. That sorcerer maintained balance in our world for years, emphasizing safety for both sorcerers and non-sorcerers, there's a reason you won against me during our fight, it blew my mind that you succeeded in laying a punch even though i had my infinity on. Your technique is copying others techniques just by touching them while it is activated. You can use their techniques against them"

"Wait what?? How do I know? And what if I'm fighting against curses ? how am I supposed to defeat them since not all curses have a technique, not all of them are special grade or first grade after all?"

"Good question, actually you have a strong burst of curse energy that could easily destroy curses, you just need to learn how to activate it"

"So I need a lot of practice huh? A long way to go? What if I'm not ready yet to face that sorcerer?"

"You don't need practice, you're a natural at it, you just need to try and believe in yourself, in your abilities, in your technique, that's how you're gonna summon it, you've got the spirit of the great old sorcerers in you, you're capable of everything Y/n just search inside of you... you're capable of things you don't know you're capable of"

His words were very comforting and motivating, you can feel your tense muscles relax slowly, nodding your head at his words.

"I believe in you y/n" he added, kissing your forehead.

You closed your eyes taking into the moment.

You can't deny that his words boosted your confidence and your ego, it's finally your time to shine.

"Embrace this new version of you Y/n!" he added kissing your temple.

"–I wanna meet Mei Mei" you said out of the blue.

"Huh? meet Mei Mei?"

"Yeah! I'm not allowed?" you raised your eyebrow.

"No not like that, you're allowed of course, it just was unexpected, I thought you didn't wanna see her face"

"You're right, but you said I have to embrace this new version of me so maybe it's time to speak my mind and confront others instead of hiding" you said confidently.

"Damn I love this mindset" he said with a smile.

"Oh but trust me you're next" you said teasingly.

"Wait what?" he said panicking.

"Come on Satoru, you know I'm not fully done with you"

"But I thought you forgave me" he said pouting.

"Oh I did but it's about time I forget, come on take me to Mei Mei"

You were serious though, you didn't forget what he'd done to you yet. It's true you love him with all of your heart, and he does too but you felt that ignoring him for a week wasn't a proper punishment.

......

Gojo took you to the prison where Mei Mei is staying. He unlocked the door stepping inside.

"Gojo? you came!" said Mei Mei but het smile dropped instantly right after she saw you take a step inside her cell.

Satoru stood by the door, while you moved closer towards her, you can tell by the look on her face that she felt something different coming from you, something intimidating, something strong, not the usual you.

"Y/n y–"

without saying anything you interrupted her with a slap across her face. You slapped her with all your might earning a gasp from her and from your husband, his eyes widened, he didn't see it coming.

Mei Mei looked at you in shock, and said in confusion,

"You slapped m—"

"Oh I did! I could've done more but I just chose not to"

"You—"

"Uh uh no no! I'll talk and you will listen Mei Mei, Im here to speak my mind, to say the things that I couldn't say before because I thought my words won't make any difference, and even if they don't now I really don't care because I'll speak any way"

You paused for a second, leaning towards her, your eyes piercing through her soul.

"I hope you're enjoying your time here in this cell, reflecting on what you had done and most importantly realizing that you deserve to be here. I hope you realize that all of us pay for what we do. Because sooner or later we won't escape the universe's justice. and I hope you realize that what you've done to me is terrible, I hope you feel the guilt every day and I hope it eats you up for trying to ruin what was already ruined life, for trying to kill me. You know something Mei Mei I allowed you to hurt me because I didn't know I can protect myself, I didn't know I was capable of stopping someone from harming me both physically and emotionally because I was weaker than all of you. But now I do and damn it feels great. You and Toji will both suffer. See all of what you do to others will come around to you and you can't hide from it so enjoy your stay here" You said,

and started walking towards Gojo who was leaning against the door frame proud of you happy that you finally realize your worth and potential.

You held his hand and then looked back at Mei Mei,

"Oh by the way Mei Mei, your attempts to tear us apart only drew us closer so thank you for that" you added,

then walked out hand in hand with Satoru making sure to lock the door.

"That was hot" exclaimed Gojo

"Oh you think so?"

" I know so"

He grabbed your chin making you look up at him,

"I know that you'll punish me anyway, you won't let it slip but I'm lucky that you didn't hate me I was worried really worried, you were so cold so distant as if I wasn't visible to you. So I'm going to accept any punishment from you as long as you don't hate me"

"you know I had to do it"

" I know I know I deserve to be treated like that, but I thought we had no hope I thought our marriage was over the moment I was hoping to fix things so I'm glad you gave me a chance to make it up for you to be a real husband so.you can punish me now but promise not to leave me cuz if you do then I'll drown again"

"You know something; we all make mistakes and wr are the ones who decide to fix them before it's too late or to ignore them but learn how to live with the consequence"

"You're right, I don't wanna live with the consequences, I wanna live happily with you Y/n"

You looked up at him, you can see the softness in his eyes and the way he speaks to you, you can't help but fall more and more deep for him.

"So please tell me that you won't leave me" he pleaded, a hint of worry visible in his tone.

He was feeling really overwhelmed, he knew you being the strongest now means you're at risk in every step you take, that you're targeted by many who want to haunt you down. He was worried that he might lose you, and besides he was afraid you might not be able to forget what happened in the past and end up hating him, even though you said you loved him. He was dealing with mixed feelings, trying to fix many things at the same time and trying to protect you but he knows the higher ups won't allow him to.

"Please-"

"I-" you started to speak but got interrupted by no other than Megumi,

"Oh Gojo finally!!!"

"Megumi?" you and your husband said at the same time.

"Oh Y/n sensei!"

"Is everything okay?" asked Gojo

"Nah it's far from being okay !! it's Yuji!!"

"What happened to Yuuji??" you asked worriedly as you walked towards Megumi

"Sukuna took over him, and we don't know where he is now"

"What do you mean Sukuna took over him?" questioned Gojo

"I was in my room sleeping then I heard a noise outsiders when I looked outside of the window I thought it was Yuji but when he looked back it was Sukuna, when I went down to stop him he was already gone"

"Shit shit shit" you said, "we need go and look for him...now"

"Baby—wait, you can wait in our room I'll go and look for him" said Gojo

"What do you mean Satoru! Yuuji is in danger and you expect me to hide in our room and do nothing to find him? I'm going with all of you, now!"

Megumi looked at Gojo as you started walking away,

"What's wrong? you look worried ?" said Megumi

"Yes Megumi yes, you know she's in danger and we don't know what to expect"

"You can't change fate Gojo! it's what the prophecy said, I'm sure Y/n will manage , you should be the first one to put your faith in her! besides she's got time till her curse breaks and she'll practice being a sorcerer"

"She's a sorcerer now"

"She's gonna be ok— wait what did you say?"

"Her curse broke tonight, she's announced a sorcerer by the higher ups"

"Oh"

"Mhm"

"I can understand your worry now, but she's gonna be fine! she's strong!"

"I know, come one let's go" said Gojo with a sigh...

.....

• Time skip •

A couple of hours are now separating you form the break of dawn, Gojo was trying not to leave your side the whole time you were searching for Yuuji, he was always keeping a protective eye on you, scanning your surroundings making sure no one around is trying to harm you.

All of you; students and teachers met up again in Jujutsu High, to find another plan.

You were in the school garden, sitting on the stairs waiting for the higher ups to call for an urgent meeting, your heart aching for Yuuji, he's the sweetest boy you've ever met and you were genuinely scared for him, all what you were thinking about was him, you were hoping to find him and save him from Sukuna's hands, Gojo was discussing things with Principal Yaga most likely about you and the students trying to figure out where he could possibly go.

....

"I see you're alone y/n. Stargazing as usual?" said a deep voice that made you stand up quickly from your seat.

"Ryomen Sukuna" you said and started walking towards him, "You better leave Yuuji alone" you threatened.

"Wait wait, it's true then, they weren't lying , I can feel it emitting from you" he said as he exhaled,

"What and who are you talking about? "

"Your curse energy, pretty strong, it's intoxicating"

"Yeah you were more than excited to fight me when I become a sorcerer, here I'm in front of you, I'll fight you so you better let go of Yuuji"

"Uh no, I know I said that, but I'm no longer interested in fighting you, someone else will"

But before you could ask him, you saw a group of people entering Jujutsu High, coming your way.

"Good luck beautiful, for now I'll watch through this brat's eyes" With those last words, sukuna switched back to Yuji,

"Sensei, sensei run!!!" said Yuuji

"Yuji-Kun are you okay?" you asked worriedly grabbing his forearm

"Yes I am, let's go we need to get inside and find Gojo sensei" he started pulling you away,

but you knew this time there's no running away, thia fight is yours. As much as it terrified you, you can't run away.

"Yuji calm down, go and find Satoru and the others...trust me" you reassured.

"Itadori Yuji, Sukuna's vessel, whats up with that look on your face? still grieving over Junpei?" said a long haired guy,

"Mahito" said Yuji through gritted teeth.

You looked between both of them, the sooner joined by your husband who rushed to tour side, still not aware of those who stood in front of you.

"Y/n, Yuji you're here!? are you okay? did Sukuna do something? where did you go?"

"He went to talk to these bastards" answered Yuji pointing at them,

The moment Gojo turned his head to look at them, his eyes widened, his heart dropping to his stomach, a shocked expression displayed on his face as if he saw a ghost,

"S-suguru geto?" he stuttered

"Geto?" you repeated

"Long time no see Satoru" spoke this so called Geto with a gentle voice,

You looked between both of them in confusion.

"Isn't he dead?" you asked out of the blue.

"That's not possible, I killed you" spoke Satoru, his eyes still fixated on the man in front of him.

Sooner you were joined by the other students, Nanami, Utahime and Principal Yaga.

All of them stopped in track the moment their eyes met Geto's eyes.

"Geto?" they said in union.

"I think it's an insult to call me Geto" he said, and walked forward his finger gripping a thin string, opening up those stitches on his forehead revealing his true self. "You can call me Kenjaku"

"Kenjaku?" said the others in union, eyes widening upon his reveal.

You were the only one confused,

"Who the hell is Kenjaku?"

"The ancient sorcerer, mentioned in the prophecy?" explained Nanami

"So I'm gonna fight him? fight a brain or what exactly?" you asked and pointed at him, genuinely confused.

"I see you brought all of them curses with you?" said Gojo

"You can say we work as a team Gojo Satoru, I hope you're not pressed that now you're no longer the strongest" exclaimed Mahito in an offensive tone trying to get in Gojo's nerves

"Is that guy a curse?" you asked Nanami,

"Yeah he is"

"He looks h-human"

"Deceiving right? I look human, but I'm not one, little one. Oh Nanami ready for another battle, I wasn't finished with you last time"

Nanami remained calm but you can see his veins popping out on his neck and temples. The presence of Mahito annoyed him to the core, he might be the most hatred curse out there, more than Sukuna himself. He's just an annoying bitch who likes to play games on others.

"We're here for only one reason, to kill Y/n so move and make it easier for all of us" said Kenjaku.

You can feel your heart jumping out of your throat, no one is able to save you now, you're the one to save you. The prophecy is now a reality and there's no escape from it. It's your fate, it's what you were born for, you existed this whole time just for this moment and you have no other choice but to win this fight and bring balance once again to this messed up community. But a surge of courage took over you, as if you weren't alone, feeling another kind of presence lingering around you.

"You can try and kill me..Kenjaku" you threatened and moved towards him.

And the battle started.

Gojo against Jogo, Nanami and Yuji against Mahito, Nobara and Megumi against Hanami, Inumaki, Panda and Maki against Dagon and You against Kenjaku.

Kenjaku summoned curses with a flick of his fingers, sending them swirling towards you like malevolent spirits hungry for your death. You moved with grace, your movements fluid as you deftly dodged the curses, each one hissing and snarling as it sought to tear you apart. Your moves were natural, a result of years of training in martial arts. You haven't used any curse energy yet. Not sure how to do it, how to summon your energy.

"Just search inside you" you remembered Gojo's word. .

With a deep breath, you tried to focus, looking in front of you as Kenjaku sent one of the curses running towards you, you were focusing, pressing your lips together as the curse was getting closer and closer, but you stood your ground, trying to trust yourself this time.

The moment the curse got right in front of you, inches away from your face, as if the time stopped and started moving slowly. The curse exploded. A burst of if energy left your body.

You successfully summoned that power and now you can feel it take over you, running through your veins. It felt great, you felt unstoppable, powerful and undefeated. You can now exorcise those curses.

With each burst of energy you felt yourself growing stronger, instead of feeling drained, you felt as if you were feeding of the death of those curses who's curse energies faded into the air.

.....

"Next" you said as you looked directly into Kenjaku's eyes, who was hesitant to summon another curse.

"You think you can win against me? I'm no ordinary foe. I have been living through centuries of dark knowledge"

"Then prove it, you're nothing without those curse that you summon" you challenged.

You did trigger him, you actually looked down on him, making him appear as weak. But he didn't know that it was part of your plan to offend him and make him try to fight you. He didn't know about your technique yet so he wasn't careful with his next move.

He ran towards you, trying to lay a punch on you, but it was easy for you to dodge it. In a moment of daring, you lunged forward, your hand reaching out to grasp Kenjaku's cloak. Your skin touched, and in an instant, you felt the surge of power as Kenjaku's own curses turned against him. You can feel yourself taking control, and you were able to manipulate the curses inside Kenjaku, making them respawn no matter how hard he tried to stop you.

The very creatures he had tamed now obeyed your command, their twisted forms holding him down as you stood there looking down at him.

Hanami, Jogo and Dagon were already dead but Mahito was still alive, playing dirty tricks on both Nanami and Yuuji.

But ince you overpowered Kenjaku, everyone stopped in tracks, waiting for you to finish him off and kill him.

You were about to do it, but stopped the moment you felt a presence lingering in the air. It was a warm presence, comforting one it was similar to the one you felt around Gojo, Nanami and your students.

"Maybe it's him" you whispered to yourself.

You looked up, your eyes meeting Gojo's sad eyes. By the look on his face you knew he wasn't ready to witness his bestfriend get killed again, even though it wasn't really his bestfriend but it was his body.

In that moment, you discovered something new in you. You closed your eyes hoping that what you're about to do actually works and don't make a fool of yourself instead. You started focusing, summoning spiritual forces that you didn't know existed within you.

"I know what you're trying to do, but in order to do so you need to sacrifice someone you know that right, if you're trying to kill me to bring Geto back then it's not possible, you'll destroy the body" said Kenjaku out of breath.

"They didn't lie when they said you're ancient, I can tell now.. I have to sacrifice yeah but not necessarily a physical one, I do things differently, it will be a soul, and it's yours" you said with a dirty smirk.

You shut your eyes tightly, tracing Geto's soul energy that was felt. Using a secret and unusual ritual you resurrected his lost soul.

You summoned Geto back, Kenjaku's presence was slowly fading into nothingness, Geto's soul taking over the body once again. Everyone watched his body on the ground, slowly twitching fighting to gain consciousness.

Your eyes shifted to Mahito, you started walking towards him, your eyes darkening as if you were possessed , empowered by ancient souls of old shamans. By your aura, now everyone can tell why you're the strongest.

Being arrogant his whole existence, Mahito actually thought he stood a chance against you after witnessing how you finished off one of the greatest sorcerers across the centuries. He attacked you, thinking he was fast, he out his hand on your shoulder but in a split second before he can actually think of his next move you did the same and placed your small hand on his chest;

"Idle transfiguration" those words left your mouth smoothly, and you watched how his body exploded under your soft touch.

Silence fell over the place, witnessing how you destroyed Mahito easily as if he was nothing.

"What the hell?" said a honey-like voice,

Everyone looked around and it was Geto standing, trying to understand what happened.

"Satoru?" he added softly,

"Suguru" said gojo and ran towards his bestfriend,

He hugged him tightly, unable to process that he's alive and standing right in front of him. Unable ti believe he was real. You brought geto, you brought his bestfriend back, your heart ached for the years full of pain and regret Gojo had to endure, for the nightmares that visited him every night. You smiled to yourself as you saw both of them hug each other hoping that the nightmares will finally leave him alone.

"Suguru, this is my wife, Y/n" said Gojo introducing you to his bestfriend,

But before you could react or say anything, you unexpectedly fell on your knees, the world around you spinning, you over used your curse energy for a beginner. Summoning Geto's soul back took a lot of effort but it was all worth it.

"YN!!!"

.......

You woke up in the hospital, you can feel every bone in your body hurt like a bitch. You looked around, many smiling faces were looking at you.

"SENSEI WELCOME BACK" yelled Yuuji happily.

"Shush Yuji you're so loud, she just woke up" said Megumi in an annoyed tone.

"Baby, are you feeling better?" said Gojo holding your hand, his thumb caressing your soft skin.

"Satoru! mhm I'm fine" you whispered tiredly,

Your head was pounding and you felt really sleepy.

"Ehm your family came to see you baby" he added,

"What?"

You looked at the other side and then you saw your family sitting there in the corner, hesitantly trying to start a conversation with you.

"Mom? Dad?" you said in confusion, not expecting to see then after all this time.

"Come one guys let's give them some privacy hm?" said Gojo pushing his students out.

"Satoru! can you stay please!" you spoke softly, not wanting to stay alone with them cuz you know it might be awkward and you felt too weak and needed your husband to support you.

The others left the room and now you were laying on bed, Gojo holding your hand and your family trying their best to find the right words.

"Yn, my dear we're glad you're okay" begun your mom.

"We were extremely worried about you, when we heard that you had a fight with Kenjaku we thought that you got hurt" added your dad.

"You grew stronger Y/n! we're ready proud of you" said one of your siblings.

You looked at them then at Gojo, you didn't know what to say, it was really awkward. Your family did hurt you the most, and you were expecting them to apologize not to casually show up at the hospital.

"I don't know what to say, I really don't" you spoke, trying not to cry.

"Yn!! we know we failed as parents, we didn't treat you fairly, we messed up and we didn't realize then that it affected you, you always seemed strong, silent.. you didn't show that you were hurting because of us, you seemed normal—"

"Just because I don't speak about it doesn't mean I'm not feeling it mom!"

"We're so sorry about that my sweet Yn. I wish we can make it up for you"

"How? by being present now? after abandoning and neglecting me for years? I know, you came to see me just because I became like you; a sorcerer not because I'm your daughter right?"

"No no baby no, you're our daughter, our sweet Yn! we confess our mistakes, we mistreated you, and you didn't deserve that, not even a bit. I wasn't a good mother, I should have asked you how you felt, I shouldn't take your silence as an answer"

"We failed you Yn and you have every right to cut us off your life. But just know that we love you, and we realized our mistakes really late. We thought that you were living your best life when you got married, we didn't know about the abduction we didn't know about your suffering..and it's our fault because we should've reached out" explained your father.

"We should've been there for you, but just know that sorcerer or not, we love you for who you are Yn" added your mom trying not to cry, but a tear betrayed her. They started walking towards the door,

"We'll let you rest, Gojo take good care of her" he said his voice cracking.

"Wait!" you said,

"I know you messed up, you did hurt me the most, you made me feel neglected, different, weak and pathetic. You were the reason I found comfort in isolation rather than with you. Now I don't know if you mean this apology or not but I don't wanna cut you off. Family remains family whether we love it or hate it. Maybe it's kinda late to try to fix things with me, since the damage is already here in me. But I do forgive you, you fed me and provided a shelter for me when I was a kid, and I can't forget about that" you added in a sad tone but deep inside you were happy to see them again and to hear them apologize.

"Oh baby" said your mom and hugged you, joined by your father and siblings.

Satoru watched with a smile, he felt bad for you. He was ashamed of what he did, he didn't know you felt that way, he didn't know you felt so alone. He didn't know you were neglected by your own family.

"Come on, Gojo" said your mom

"Yes son in law, join us in this family hug" added you dad pulling Gojo as well.

.....

Now you were alone with Gojo, your family is at Jujutsu High with the rest if the teachers and students preparing for a party that your husband had planned as a surprise.

*knock knock*

"Oh he's here! come in" said Satoru

The door was pushed open and it was Geto. You got into a sitting position.

"Hello" he said softly,

You smiled and nodded as he took a seat next to Gojo.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked,

"Yeah I'm fine thank you, what about you? how are you feeling?"

"Alive"

"Suguru wanted to see you and check up on you, he's a shy person tho, just like you.. I think you'll get along well" said Gojo jokingly,

"Thank you for- I don't know what to say, from bringing me to life again, even though I don't deserve it—"

"I think everyone deserves a second chance!" you reassured.

Geto smiled,

"Thank you, then I'll make sure to make the best out of this chance.. I won't fall into the trap of my old mistakes that got me killed" he giggled,

"What now you're gonna tease me for that?" said Gojo rolling his eyes,

"Nah Satoru, I know I deserved it, I was a jerk with that mindset and ideology"

"Oh I'm glad you realized that now"

You looked at both if them giggling at how they started bickering.

"Thank you Yn you're the reason I'm reunited with my best friend once again, thank you for giving us this chance to find each other again" said Geto truly grateful,

"Everyone deserves a best friend" you smiled,

"I thought you wanted to punish me, but you ended up bringing my best friend back, you always amaze me, I don't deserve you Yn, you're too kind for this world, even though a few hours ago you were completely ruthless with Mahito".

"That bitch totally deserved it" you exclaimed.

"Oh that attitude I fucking love it" said Satoru and pressed a kiss on your lips,

"Ahem, so I'll be in Jujutsu High" said Geto clearing his throat, feeling like a third wheel.

"Yeah we'll be there in an hour"

...

• Time Skip •

As you stepped into Jujutsu High, hand in hand with your husband Gojo, you blinked in surprise as you took in the sight before you; tables adorned with delicate flowers and twinkling lights. In front of you, stood your friends and family, gathered together to welcome you. But it wasn't just any celebration – it was a second wedding party.

Gojo got on one knee and looked up at you, you raised your eyebrows in confusion.

"S-satoru what are you doing?"

"Baby, we didn't get to celebrate our wedding properly. We both hated it at first, it was forced on us, we weren't happy back then, but now..now we are! With time we realized that getting married was the right thing to do, not for the prophecy no, but for ourselves, you summoned a buried part of me I didn't know it existed, a softness, a feeling I was carving for years but wasn't able to experience it, till you made it possible. I fell head over heels for you Y/n and I'll continue to love you till my last breath. Y/n will you marry me again?"

Tears welled in your eyes, it was too emotional. On one hand, you felt a surge of gratitude for the effort your family and friends had put into creating such a beautiful moment, a memory you would cherish forever. And on the other hand, your husband Gojo, you realized how much you love him, and that he's the one you'll be spending the rest if your life with, you complete each other, and you need each other.

"I do, and I'll never leave you" you said and at the same time you answered the question that he asked you yesterday but wasn't able to answer him because you got interrupted.

Everyone started clapping and cheering for you, as he spun you around and gave you as long passionate kiss, the sun glowing above you all.

You spent the rest of the day and night celebrating, chatting together, everyone got along, and you for real got along well with Suguru, you were joking together and making fun of Gojo, joined by Shojo who was the happiest, the smile never leaving her face. A smile that she missed for years. You brought their memories to life again and helped them to make new memories as well, memories they'll remember for a life time. Nanami, is now more open, no longer annoyed by Gojo but rather more grateful for the beautiful chaos around him, the chaos that used to annoy him, now all their laughter and loud voices are music to his ear, it made him feel less lonely, it made him realize that life is worth living if you're with the right ones. Your family were there as well, they were Yuji's victims, he couldn't stop talking to them on how amazing you are, and how you helped him as a teacher.

What a night, full of laughter, love and joy.

...

You looked at Gojo who was sleeping peacefully beside you, you kissed his cheek and then out on a jacket and walked outside. You wanted to watch the sunrise. You wanted to see the merging colors, the way the sun rays will take over the darkness and shine up the world announcing a new day ahead.

"Going somewhere?" asked Gojo in a sleepy voice , yawning.

"Nah just here waiting for the sunrise"

"Oh I thought you're escaping me" he said and circled his arms around you in a protective and firm way.

"Me escape you? come on don't be silly! I know you won't let me leave"

"Of course I won't! you belong here, you belong to me, to my arms, once you're locked here there's no escape"

You giggled, pressing a kiss on his neck.

"Wanna get a better view if the sunrise?" he added.

"Hm?"

Without answering you, he used his teleportation skills to get you up on that hill where he found you that night where both of you confessed and shared your first kiss.

"Damn I gotta get used to you teleporting me everywhere" you joked,

"We'll get a better view from here"

You laid your head on his chest, taking into the moment and started speaking softly,

"You know sunsets used to be my favorite, I used to prefer it over sunrise"

"Any specific reason?" he asked, wanting to know more on what's going inside that head of yours.

"I wanted my life to end, I wanted that for years, so I kinda related to the sunset. Convincing myself that endings can be beautiful too, just like the sunset, trying to romanticize death, make it less scary. At least if I didn't live beautifully then I can die beautifully. But now I can relate more to the sunrise, I no longer wanna die, not now at least, I wanna live- my life now feels like sunrise a new beg—"

"Beginning- a new beginning" said Gojo interrupting you "I understand that feeling very well"

"How?" you asked,

"You broke my curse too, you broke it by another curse, or at least what I used to believe was a curse"

"What curse?"

"Love Y/n! Love is the most twisted curse of them all...." he paused and looked at you and then added, "But even if it's a curse, I still wanna feel it, as long as it's with you. I'd let my soul burn so you can feel my warmth, you've made my life a heaven cuz you're the greatest blessing I've ever had in my life" he leaned down a kissed your forehead.

"Satoru—"

"It was meant for us, we were meant to be together. Both of us experienced different things but ended up feeling the same thing; loneliness. I was the most wanted, feared and respected even by my enemies, I was up too high but too lonely, in the contrary, you were looked down even by your own family and ended up isolating and feeling the loneliness for years. That proves that what you felt, what you had been through is not your fault, it was never your fault. We were on opposite ends of the spectrum but ended up dealing with the same. But when we found each other, everything changed, I felt alive, I felt that I have a purpose in life, a reason to wake up each morning and feel excited and thankful that I'm breathing.. You saved me Y/n! You saved me from myself, from my loneliness. You just made my black and white life, colorful, you put an end to my nightmares... I love you."

"I love you too Satoru" you said, a tear of happiness rolling down your cheek.

Both of you kissed, as the sun light glowed on the horizon, announcing a new day, a new beginning, a new intake of oxygen and a new chapter. .

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[vnmpior]

NOT A ROOKIE ☆ ANYMORE

SIMON "GHOST" RILEY

x fem reader

summary: it's been a few years, and you've quickly made it up the ranks with your craftmanship and sheer skill when it comes to hand-to-hand combat and guns. when you get put on a new mission, you never guessed who would be there to save you

note: part 2!! honestly some people wanted to know when pt.2 came out, so should i make a taglist for my ghost fics? just comment or msg me if you want me to put you on it! i don't really like this i feel like it's so rushed or something?? idk it doesn't click. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING A KISSING SCENE PLEASE B NICE

tw: brief mention of non-con (but does not happen to any character in past or during this ff)

pt.1 // not proofread

☆☆.

shadow.

shadows can be your greatest fear, not knowing what lies in the darkness ahead of you. an enemy, or is it your mind playing tricks on you?

it can also be a safe haven, a refuge from the blistering sun, or other things.

but that can simply be a facade, a trap for others to fall into.

using the shadows to your advantage can be lethal. being quiet, deliberate in your actions as you sneak up behind someone and take them out without causing alarm.

when harnessed correctly, shadows can be your greatest weapon.

. .

"i've got him in my sights. ready when you are." you said, staring at the back of your target's head through your scope.

you waited for confirmation, but no response came.

"captain?" you spoke, even momentarily taking your eyes off the man who isn't aware of what's about to be his untimely demise to inspect your radio.

"fuck." you wouldn't shoot without orders, having learned your lesson way back, during the mission right after you met ghost. that mission also led you to be called shadow.

you heard a crackle, and what you could make out to be, "go."

you immediately put your finger on the trigger, realigning your gun, and once you were ready, you let out a deep exhale and added pressure, the recoil always making you blink against your will. you watched as the man almost immediately slumped over.

"target down." you began packing up your gear and gun, trying to get to the rendezvous before anyone came to check out the noise.

"shadow. shadow, can you hear me? shadow, how copy?" you heard.

"captain? what's wrong?" you asked, already going down the stairs of the building, sprinting.

"did you shoot?" price sounded slightly worried.

"yes. didn't you give me the affirmative?" did you mishear him? fuck, the only reason why he wouldn't want you to shoot was probably because you shot the wrong target. "don't fucking tell me i shot the wrong person."

"no, you got the right one alright. i just need you to watch out. turns out a lot of people have already found out about your little assassination. they were ready for it. be careful making your way back. i've got a little surprise waiting for you here."

"a prize? you finally rewarding me for my hard work?" you chuckled, now on even higher alert for soldiers coming at you.

"honestly, it's up to you if you think if it's a prize."

"is it a medal? i fucking hate medals. the fuck am i gonna do with them?" you scowled, the balaclava you had on shifting as your nose scrunched up.

"nah, you might actually like this. just get here safe."

"i'm looking forward to this, price. don't disappoint me. or i'll make sure you won't touch another cigarette in your life." you grinned as you stuck to the darker areas, trying your best not to be seen by coincidence.

you paused, hearing loud footsteps. you could tell that it wasn't only one person, but multiple.

"fuck," you whispered under your breath. you took out your knife and strapped your gun onto yourself, ready to do some close combat.

you saw them turn the corner, seeing three men, all armed with guns. there was no way you were going to be able to take them all down, but you can hope that they wouldn't notice you.

you pulled your balaclava down even more on instinct, waiting for one of them to sound the alarm and shoot.

you stayed close to the wall, thankful for the shadows that were keeping you from their line of sight.

two of the men split off, turning left before they could make it to you, but one kept making his way over. as soon as he made it in arm's length to you, you quickly covered his mouth and lodge your knife into his throat, watching as he struggled.

"sorry man, i just had to." you frowned as you let him go to eventually die on the floor, retrieving your knife.

you continued on, realizing that the other two had went the way that you had to go. there was no other route that you could go on.

"fucking hell," you grabbed your gun again, ready to fire before the duo could notice you.

you followed them, and sooner or later you caught up. they kept walking, deep in conversation. letting out two quick shots, they had no time to react.

"that was unfair, wasn't it?" you said to yourself. as you made your way around the bodies, trying to get as far as possible before another group came along.

sadly enough, you couldn't get far enough before another trio intercepted your path, also all armed with guns.

you quickly raised your arms up. how the fuck were you getting out of this one?

"what are you doing here?" one of the men said, and you realized that you were far enough way from everyone you've killed for them to even known what you've done. maybe you could play off being one of them, but that would be very hard considering the fact your gear was so much different from theirs.

you looked at him questioningly as if you couldn't understand him, simply letting out a "huh?"

the trio looked at each other, then back at you. you weren't tricking anyone with the tactical gear you had on and gun in hand.

"come with us," one of them smirked. this fucking can't be good.

you knew you were outnumbered, especially with all of them having guns. there was no way you were going to be able to run away or get past killing one of them before you got shot down.

you nodded hesitantly, and the three huddled around you, one of them holding a metal barrel to your head. you could feel it through the fabric, and you began sweating. this was the closest to death you've ever been, and one wrong move could be the last move you would ever make.

they led you away from the bodies, and closer to where you were originally going to go, thankfully, and you made it to a big house, in better shape than all the other house around.

a cloth quickly made its way over your eyes, and someone pushed you to the floor, tying your legs together, but for some reason not tying your hands together, when that's the most useful thing you could have in this situation. you felt the weight of your gun being taken off your body and be set somewhere else.

"just wait a moment sweetheart, someone will be here to talk to you. they'll be so happy to see you," you could hear that guy smirk. when you got out of this situation, you would make sure you pinned his fucking balls to the wall.

you could feel their presence leave the room, and you went straight to your radio.

"price, you there?" you lowered your voice, not knowing when they could come back.

"shadow, where are you? you should've made it back by now." price responded.

"i've been captured. i'm in some big house, in better shape than all the houses around. it's not that far from the rv point. it's on the route i was taking."

"fucking hell. how many are there? you hurt?"

"i don't know. there was three men bringing me in, said they were going to go get someone. i haven't been hurt- yet." you heard a door open and slam shut, followed by what you guessed was four people.

"look who we have here. ain't you a pretty one, darling?" you made sure to take your hand off the transmission button after he spoke, so price wouldn't respond and get your radio taken away or even worse, cause you to be moved to a different building.

that must be the guy they retrieved, but what the fuck was he going to do with you. you stayed silent.

"not talkative, huh? been a while since i saw someone as cute as you walking around." you felt a force lift your chin up.

you knew that if you did anything too rash, they would shoot you. it's obvious they don't want you for any intel, so that means you're easily disposable.

"i've been looking for a sweet little girlie like you. wonder what you can do." he released you, and said. "why's her hands not tied?"

"didn't have enough rope, sir. you'll already have her tied up in that bed of yours anyways."

they all burst out in laughter and you frowned in disgust. that's what they were doing? you decided to try and get up, placing your hands on the floor to drag yourself upright, when something sharp pressed against your neck. ironic to be threatened in the same way that you killed one of their men.

"don't try anything." the guy you assumed was their superior crooned into your ear, making you shiver. and not in a good way.

sticking to not speaking, you nodded, and the blade's pressure disappeared from your neck.

"good girl," they praised, but you cringed inwardly. you would've smiled hearing that come from anyone else's mouth, especially a certain someone. a certain someone you wished could come save your ass already, but you haven't seen them in years.

simon really was a ghost. you let out a chuckle at your own thoughts.

"something funny?" another person questioned. you shook your head quickly.

"leave her here. and go get some more rope, you think some rope around her legs are going to stop here from leaving? fucking idiots."

you laid the side of your head down on the ground, and slowly began lifting up the blindfold around your eyes.

you heard the scrape of a chair, and then the guy, who you were going to call, "the boss", sat down with a sigh.

"who do you work for?" he asked. "nevermind, that's a stupid question. i bet you're with those fucking assholes who killed our leader."

you smirked a little. little did he know you were said asshole who killed him.

"fuck this. those bastards can't find anything even if it was up their ass." you could hear the rustle of clothes as he stood up and felt him grip your wrist.

"what the fuck are you doing?" you spat. you could take him on in a fight as long as no one walked in with a weapon.

"the only reason why you're still alive babe, is beca-" he was cut off by the sound of yelling and gunshots.

"is that your fucking friends?" you heard him growl.

you shrugged. "probably," you cheerily agreed as you grabbed onto his hand that was on your wrist and twisted it as hard as you could, causing him to yelp in pain.

he let go of you and you grabbed your knife, not needing to see where it was due to memory, and quickly cut through the ropes around your ankles, standing up before the boss tackled you, pinning you to the floor.

you didn't need to see to quickly flip him over, trained in being able to overpower even the strongest person. you brought your legs over his back and used your weight and his momentum to make you the one on top. you didn't know if he still had his knife on him, and didn't take any chances. you brought your blade down on his leg, and he howled.

taking this chance, you ripped the blindfold off and made eye contact with the person in front you, some ragged looking person who could be in his late 30s.

"disgusting." you spat as he held his leg, tears streaming down his face. you saw no weapon on him, and you weren't going to wait around for someone else to come along and attack you.

you got up, getting rope and tying his wrists together, doing what he and his men didn't do to you, and you knew he wasn't going to be walking anywhere anytime soon. you put the blindfold around his mouth and held a finger up to your lips.

"you should be more fucking quiet like a good boy." you stood up, running out the room with your gun to the commotion coming from the front of the house.

peering out from a corner to make sure you weren't going to run out into a bunch of bullets, you saw a familiar man with a mask, and four men on the floor, one in the grasp of who you never expected to see.

"nice to see you're alive, rookie." ghost said as the man he carried crumpled to the ground.

"rookie?" you raised an eyebrow, only to realize he couldn't see you do that since half of your face was covered.

"got a mask of your own?" he walked up to you, and he still had so much height over you, looking down at you as you looked up.

"personally, i think mine is much cooler. it looks better on me." you laughed.

"shadow, you there?"

"nice call sign, shadow," ghost let the name roll of his tongue and your cheeks heated up.

pressing a button, you responded.

"i'm here, price. is this your little surprise?"

"couldn't stop him from going. he was eager to retrieve you."

you shot a questioning look at simon, who wasn't looking at you anymore, but instead looking if anyone else was in the house.

"what are you even doing here?" you asked ghost.

"well, i came to help you guys find someone for your next mission, but i think you already found him," he pointed behind you, and you turned to see the piece of shit crawling over to the two of you. how he even made it this far was beyond you, using his soldiers to propel himself forward.

"this fucking bitch?" you scoffed.

"i see the two of you already met," he noted the stab wound in the man's leg and the rope around his wrists.

"you wouldn't believe what he wanted to do with me."

ghost narrowed his eyes.

"he wanted to do something with you?"

"how else do you think i'm alive right now?"

"sheer will. i heard you've gotten good at close combat." ghost went over to the man and crouched over, and the guy looked up in terror.

"what the fuck should we do with you?" he hummed.

"do we have to bring him back alive?" you asked. you would not hesitate to lift your gun and shoot him.

ghost didn't respond, instead going back over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder that made you jump in surprise. the last time you were this close was when he was taking debris out your arm on that first mission.

"do whatever you want. we don't need him."

you grinned. "yes, lieutenant."

☆☆.

you were happy to be back on the base. that was probably the biggest stroke of luck you've ever had, being captured by the stupidest enemies you've ever seen, and by so few of them being at the house with you.

price was happy to see you back, and presented the prize you already knew about.

"aren't you happy to see ghost?"

"beyond elated. i'm currently pissing my pants of joy right now." the sentence might've sounded sarcastic, but you broke out into a huge smile.

looking over at ghost, you saw his eyes had a glimmer of amusement in them.

"i'll be in the other room. come over if you need me,"

you took off your balaclava and tactical vest and weapons as soon as you got in the room, sitting down on the cot. as soon as you swung your legs up and laid down to take a short nap, a rapid series of knocks sounded at the door.

you groaned, going over to open it to reveal ghost.

"simon?"

"can i come in?" he said gruffly.

you gestured for him to make his way in, and you shut the door.

"anything you want, lieutenant?" you emphasized his rank, still remembering the first time the two of you met.

"you ever gonna show me some respect, shadow?"

you held a hand to your heart, letting out a dramatic gasp. "me? not showing you respect? let me apologize."

you could see his eyes roll.

"since you seem like you were going to take a nap, i want to do some close combat with you. need to see how good you got since you were a rookie." it sounded less of an invitation and more of a demand.

"you asking me as a superior or am i allowed to decline?" you put your hands on your hips, tilting your head.

"are you really going to say no?"

"absolutely not. anything to fucking beat your ass."

☆☆.

the two of you were lying on the floor, and you were sweating. hard.

"thought you were better with guns, simon." you exhaled.

"thought you were better at hand-to-hand combat," he retorted.

you glared at him. "i will pulverize your ass."

he didn't reply, and you took the chance to get up and make him get up also.

"one more. whoever wins gets bragging rights."

"bragging rights?" he questioned, but you already began throwing punches and attempting to get him to fall.

he blocked majority of them, but you didn't let him have a chance to get offensive, instead opting to simply go for his waist and push him to the floor, with you attached. this led to you bear hugging his waist, your face in his chest.

you accidentally took a huge inhale through your nose, and you could smell him. he smelled like gunpowder, dust, and. . . wood?

"are you fucking sniffing me, y/n?"

"well, i'm fucking breathing, aren't i?" you could feel him attempt to flip you over but you kept yourself grounded.

"fucking christ. check where your legs are at." ghost groaned, and you peered down to see your leg against. . .

"holy shit, i'm so fucking sorry," ghost took this opportunity to successfully flip you over, and now you were pinned down again. for the second time today, too.

the space between you too was so small, and you could feel his body pressing on yours. your breathing sped up at the distance.

you've been infatuated with the masked man ever since you met him, never being able to forget those moments you had with him. those times you got to work with him, which was barely, had you cherishing those memories of him.

price obviously caught on, which was why he was calling ghost a prize. a prize you were happy to get today.

ghost could tell the look on your face with your half-lidded eyes and parted lips.

he leaned even closer.

"something wrong?" you could hear the smirk.

"fuck off," you turned your face to the side.

"look at me." you immediately went back to glare at him, but you couldn't with how close you were. "i asked you a question."

"nothing's wrong, ghost."

"so if i checked your heartbeat, it would be normal?"

"you trying to touch me, lieutenant?"

"so what if i am?" you had no response to that, opening and closing your mouth, trying to find the words to represent how you were feeling.

the two of you stayed in silence, just like usual, until you broke it.

"can i kiss you?" you murmured.

"close your eyes." you did as he said, and heard the sound of his mask being pulled up, followed by the feeling of his lips pressing against yours. he didn't let go off you wrists, leaving you to have to lean forward to return the kiss.

you kissed as if you had been thinking about this for years, which you had, and he kissed as if this was something that his life depended on. something that he's needed and has been craving desperately.

you never opened your eyes, waiting for the moment he decides to show you himself on his own terms. besides, doesn't it add to the mystery?

he pulled away much quicker than you wanted him to, pouting. you heard him as he slipped his mask back on and told you to open your eyes.

"sorry gorgeous. remember, i'm too pretty to be showing you my face. might dazzle you too much."

you laughed.

"i'm always ready to be dazzled by you, simon. you've dazzled me since the moment we met."

"oh really? you like it when guys insult you?"

"makes me feel like i've done something." you accepted the hand he held out to help you up as he stood.

"definitely have done something to me," he spoke to himself.

you grinned. seems like you both can dazzle people.

☆☆.

i absolutely despise this. i apologize sm

tags !!

@urfavsunkissedleo @shyyxzi

[captainrayzizuniverse]

Yes! Thank youuuu @goldcrumble for this I truly need it now. I’m sitting in Kelowna waiting for the worst year of my life to be over in the most unremarkable way (binging on paw patrol with my nephew) and what better way to do it than this? Beware, long ass essay incoming. 

When did you become a Louie? (This is about to get loooong)

I love talking about this because it’s such an interesting journey for me compared to other artists I love. I used to watch British reality tv with my grandma every year and that of course includes x-factor and strictly come dancing (and the GBBO, sewing bee, BGT etc..it was unhealthy) which usually start around the same time. We started with x-factor when leona lewis won until the last season with Louis as judge. So yes of course I watched the one with 1D and I was rooting for them during the show (and Louis was my LEAST fav only because I’d watch the xtra factor and the video diaries and he was SO loud and obnoxious and basiclly everything I find annoying in a person. Sorry it was what it was. Anyway after that season I never paid them any attention but we continued watching x-factor year after year. I've mentioned this before but when Louis was announced as the judge in 2018 I remember telling my grandma that it’s probably to draw in the 1D fans because the show was so bad at that point. Obviously I said it with eyes rolled and thinking ‘they really think they’re gonna save this shit with a kid from a boyband?’. Little did I know this guy will ruin me. Anyway as a non fan and someone who really didn’t know anything about the guy I absolutely loved him as a judge..so like a couple of weeks in I read his entire wikipedia and was 100% drinking the ‘reconnected and in love with his long term gf and has a kid with a one night stand from LA’ koolaid. And I listened to his singles at the time, loved them, added them to one of my Anghami playlist and it was chill for a while.

I have never been in a music fandom before..I’ve been in the football fandom (esp livejournal) for ages and also several movies/tv shows and books. I think most of the music I listen to are either from bands who are dead or there just isn’t a fandom big enough to exist…or I haven’t found it. Dunno..just never got into one. SO on a flight from oslo in 2019 I was reading a fic from another fandom and in the author’s note there was something about being inspired by a Larry fic and I vaguely remembered who the Larry ship is about. So when I clicked it and saw that it was THE Louis T, I went into my second rabbit hole and saw all these news singles he has out and an album that was about to come out and a show in Toronto and wow so much excitement all at once. Booked the tickets for the show which were later cancelled due to covid and then never got to see the ltwt live (rip hearing defenceless live). After that I didn’t follow up with him, I didn’t even know lthq was a thing ffs. When people say that they need to promote things on his personal IG, it’s for people like ME! Anyhoo! I still never searched him up on Tumblr until one day by chance I saw a clip from a livestream on instagram of one of his earlier shows in Texas. I didn’t even know concert livestreams were a thing tbh. So I kept on monitoring to find the source until I got to finally watch an entire show (I think it was the 4th American one, a few before the chicken nugget incident) and then somehow that led me to Tumblr and slowly I started following very very few blogs. So when did I become a Louie really? Was it 2018 when I was like ok the dude is cool I like the couple of songs he has out? Or 2019 when I booked my first concert ticket? Or in 2022 when I found the fandom on Tumblr? Also I got into 1D when I read that wiki page and it said something about him having the most writing credits. It intrigued me and was like ‘fine! I’ll give them a go I guess!’

your favourite song? (one off walls and one off fitf)

We Made It. All this time (if you ask tomorrow it might jump between Saturdays or holding onto heartache or she is beauty)

your favourite music video?

Miss you! The hair, the song.

your favourite gig?

Toronto one because I was anticipating it for sooooo long and it fully lived up to it. Esp after spending the entire 2022 watching livestreams and being jealous af. The new york one was good too but my home show will always be my fav

your favourite louis hair?

X-factor hair. 

your favourite louis interview?

Oof man this is hard! They all kinda get mixed together so either a Zach lang one (probably the first one because it sticks in my memory more since I saw it right when it came out) or one of the buzzfeed ones like the snack wars or the one he did with the yellow background (man I’m lazy as shit, I can literally YouTube this).

suit louis or tanktop louis?

Suit Louis. Literally anything but tank top louis. I know I’m the only one in this boat but I just don’t dig tank tops. I think it’s also the fact that he almost always wears hideous shoes with them that kinda kill the look. If I had to be specific, I’d say tracksuit Louis. 

favourite louis tattoo?

I’d also go with the x&o’s 

favourite louis bodypart? (c'mon we all have one!)

I immediately thought his eye crinkles but realized that’s not a body part. Maybe hands or the veiny neck??I love a neck with passionate veins (what even am I saying??)

—-

I think my small Louis loving mutuals have either already done this or have been tagged, so it ends with ME!

And with that I shall wish everyone a genocide free 2024! A free Palestine! And an end to this fucking massacre!

Back to watching Marshall and Skye on PP. 

[darkcoffeeonly]

FanFicFare

You have downloaded and set up Calibre and added the FanFicFare plugin. Now it’s time to customize it.

After installing FFF, at restart a new icon will appear on your main menu.

Click on the arrow next to FanFicFare and select “Configure FanFicFare”

A pop-up will appear with all possible settings.

As with Calibre, I’m not expert, so I will go through my own configuration. If you need info/clarification, please refer to the official plugin page @ mobileread

Basic Tab

As the name suggests, in the basic tab you can set the basic configuration.

You can choose the default output format (the type of file that FFF will download in Calibre). 

You can choose which is the default action to be called on when you use the plugin.

You can hover with your mouse on the various options to get a short help. Personally, I haven’t changed any basic configuration.

Personal Ini Tab

This is the most complex tab to use and configure where you can add more complex rules and metadata mapping. 

Check the “Pass Calibre Column Names” to be able to use your custom columns.

Personally I’ve added only very few rules in my personal.ini and I still struggle with adding more complex configuration.

I’ll go into more details in a bit.

Reading Lists 

As the name says, the Reading List tab is used to configure how FFF interact with another Calibre plugin, the Reading List one.

Personally, I use it so to send automatically any new fics to my e-reader. I’ll explain more about this in a further post.

For basic FFF-Calibre integration, this tab is not necessary.

Calibre Cover

In the Calibre Cover you can decide what FFF needs to do with covers. You can set it to download the cover from the website (if present), or to generate a Calibre cover if none is found, or to use the Generate Cover plugin to automatically create a cover.

Count Pages

As the description explains, this tab is used only if you use the Count Pages plugin. If you have it installed, after any update, FFF will call automatically the Count Pages plugin to update data regarding Page and/or Word Count.

Standard Column

Here you see which are the standard columns FFF automatically maps. You can flag if you want FFF to update the fields at every update or only when it adds a fanfiction the first time.

Custom Columns

The Custom Columns is where you can add the automatic update of your custom columns.

The plugin lists all your custom columns and for any of them you can open the drop-down menu and select the matching metadata.

You can also set the special columns with debug kind of information. Personally, I don’t use them.

If a column doesn’t have a matching data (for examples, you have a “Kudos” column but you can’t find a “Kudos” matching data), you need to set this match in your personal.ini configuration under the appropriate website.

Email Settings

This are used to update automatically your fanfiction based on your email subscription. Personally, I don’t use this feature, I update the WIPs I’m following by manually triggering the update.

Once you are done, save your configuration.

Test it: download a fanfiction

You are now ready to test your configuration. Just click on the arrow and select “Download from Url” and copy & paste the url of the FF you want to download.

Click on “Show Download Options” to see which kind of update FFF will try to do and then confirm it by clicking on “OK”

FFF will try and fetch your url:

If necessary it will ask you to confirm you are an adult and/or to insert your username & passwords (if the archive requires them). You can avoid these steps by filling the needed information in your personal.ini:

After collecting the information, FFF will start the download. You can see the Job running on the bottom right corner

And at the end, it will show which kind of update is ready to do:

You can click on “View log” to review the update before going forward:

If you confirm, FFF will import the file and the data. And all the matching columns you have configured will be automatically uploaded as well:

With no need to add anything manually. Of course you can now edit the data, but be aware that if you haven’t flagged the option to update the columns only on “New”, if you run an update for the FF your changes will be overruled.

If - for example - you want to change the tags, I’d suggest you to create a double column: the first one will be automatically updated everytime. The second column will be updated only on New OR never, and you will be able to maintain that without worrying for the plugin to change your data.

Massive download

The plugin can download more FF at the same time. You can either copy & paste all the urls in the “download from url” functionality or you can let the plugin search for urls in a given page.

Let’s say you want to download all the FF you have saved in your “Bookmarks” page: just go to your Bookmarks page and then select the “Get Story URLs from WebPage” and copy&paste the url there.

The plugin will try to parse the link you submitted and list the individual story links:

and it will update your library with all the stories found.

Checking for Updates

You can check for updates at any time by selecting your fic(s) and clicking on the FFF icon.

The plugin will show you the links list and you can confirm your operation.

At the end, the log will show you if there is anything to be updated:

Again, you can the log to see what FFF found:

Confirm it to update your data and not only you will now have an up-to-date file on your library, but the metadata will be also be up-to-date:

Personal.Ini - Again

Now that I’ve explored some of the most basic options with FFF, let’s go back to personal.ini tab.

You may be tired to click on “Yes, I’m an adult” everytime you download something. Can you select “Yes” by default? Sure! Just go back in the personal.ini tab, click on “Edit personal.ini” and change the rule “is_adult” under default from “false” to “true”:

Do you want to stop typing user username and psw everytime an archive ask for it?

Just go under the archive name and add your username and psw:

You want also to track # of Kudos, Bookmarks and Fandom in apposite custom columns which are not available for easy “Custom Columns matching”?

Use the “add_to_custom_columns_settings” function and add them under the appropriate website. For example, this is my AO3 configuration:

where I’m matching Kudos in my custom column #kudos and so on

Then, since FF.net doesn’t have Kudos, but faves, I added that its “favs” needs to be matched with my #kudos column:

But speaking of FF.net, let’s go to its big issue: CloudFlare.

FanFiction.net issues

I’ll report what FFF help guide says on the matter:

Why am I having errors downloading from fanfiction.net? / Why am I getting 'Cloudflare' errors downloading from fanfiction.net?

As of ~Dec 2020, the site fanfiction.net has started using the Cloudflare service for protection from automated attackers.

Unfortunately, the distinction between 'automated attacker' and 'automated download tool' (such as FanFicFare) is a fine one.

For most users, Cloudflare blocks more aggressively than can be easily automated around. That's not surprising--it is their intention, after all.

There are two features in FanFicFare to side-step the issue of Cloudflare.

The first is the Browser Cache Feature, which, once configured, will look in your browser's cache for story chapter pages. See the Browser Cache Feature wiki page for further details.

The second is the Proxy Feature, which, once you have setup and run a separate proxy process and configured FanFicFare to use it, will run your requests through a proxy that has some ability to by-pass Cloudflare. See the Proxy Features wiki page for further details.

I still strongly recommend using email notifications for updates rather than using FanFicFare update to check for new chapters on lots of books.

Personally, I’m using the Browse Cache Feature. To enable it, you just need to add “use_browser_cache:true” in your personal.ini under the configuration for fanfiction.net and to add in the default section your cache path:

At this point, you “just” need to go to FF.net, go through all chapters of the ff you want to download, and then run the plugin. Once the FF has been downloaded, when you need to update it, you need to go to the last/latest chapters before running the update.

Adding new custom columns

If you add new columns over time and you want the plugin to update the metadata for the FF you have already downloaded, just run the plugin changing the Update Mode to “Update Calibre Metadata from Website”. 

I don’t need to download the files, I just need the metadata

If you don’t want to archive a copy of the FF file on your pc, but you still want to take advantage from the automatic updates FFF can provide, you can remove the files from your library by selecting the rows and then go to Remove Books -> Remove all formats from selected books

This will move all the files to your bin folder, and you will still have all your metadata saved. You can also run again the update to match the metadata (remember to always select the “Update Calibre Metadata” option).

Prettify Calibre

Ok, now we have installed Calibre, got how FFF works, but the standard interface is not of my linking, how can I change it and make it prettier?

I’ll go over this in my next post.

[hokeytheelf]

The Ultimate Blackinnon Masterlist

click here for my writing's masterlist.

After digging endlessly through thousands of Blackinnon fics, I'm giving you a big fat list of Blackinnon recommendations that are posted throughout FF.net and AO3.

ʷⁱˡˡ ᵖʳᵒᵇᵃᵇˡʸ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ᵃᵈᵈⁱⁿᵍ ˢᵗᵘᶠᶠ⁻ I still have many more saved up. Perhaps I'll make another one in the future.

🔸 for multi-chapter 😢 for "i cried"

Thank you for the recommendations, I haven't read all but I'll include your picks at the bottom

Sirius Black and the eleven times he fell in love with Marlene McKinnon by VellaNikola 🔸🥈😢 | AO3

Summary: By the time he realized what he was feeling, he already knew of eleven distinctive events that led him to feel the way he did.

“Why do you hate me, McKinnon?” he whined.

She laughed at him with that familiar tone he hadn’t heard in far too long and she smiled in that way that so few had ever seen. “Someone’s got to keep you in check.”

6 Years by HopeRomance | FF

Summary: In 1975 it starts with sideways glances and tiny smiles... A chronicle of the six years (and then some) of Sirius Black and Marlene Mckinnon's relationship.

She's new to the Quidditch team and he thinks it's going to be a disaster. She's all blonde curls and sparkling eyes and wide smiles-not at all fit for such a physical sport. But he's never seen her fly.

Stray Thought 😢 by lyin | FF

When he looked out of the corner of his eye, sometimes he still saw her waiting for him... Marlene McKinnon & Sirius Black, who never had a girlfriend- he had a motorcycle instead.

But once in a blue-grey moon, when he was not so alone, before Azkaban, and then on nights when his heart wasn't drumming out that James and Lily were dead, dead, dead to the tune of his latest mistake, when he felt like going out for a drink and kissing a girl he didn't love until they were both dizzy and breathless, he would have an old stray thought of Marlene McKinnon.

Free by Waterlily23 | AO3

This one is short but I fell in love with it the first time I read it.

Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black were many things but most of all they were free.

An Outsiders Perspective by Waterlily23 | AO3

You see them, Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black. A view of the two trouble makers from an outsider's perspective.

You see her bring out a pack of cigarettes put one between her lips, light it before passing the packet to him who does the same thing.

The Last of Us by PadnProng 🔸 🥇 | AO3

This is one of my favourites of all time, and that's saying a lot. Slow. Sirius's character is spot on. Not completed but 100 percent worth the read. Not centered around blackinnon relationship, more on the war but it's still there and it's very very strong.

“Alright,” said Marlene, after only a moment of consideration. “How about you kiss me?” she suggested.

Sirius’ eyes grew wide, suddenly choking on his own saliva. He didn’t quite expect her to handle it like that.“Wh-what?...” he stammered, at a loss for words possibly for the first time in his life.

“Huh,” Marlene remarked, tossing her head to the side. “I thought you would have been a lot smoother than that.”

Sirius's 10 Rules (or Pillow Talk) by haeliestorm | AO3

Summary: Lily has always liked to reprimand Sirius when he broke school rules. When she finds out he has his own rules (and has broken many of those too) she just finds it funny.

He really couldn't work out why he kept letting this happen. He was sleeping with one of his good friends, and this wasn't even the only time. It was the third. Why? Perhaps because you really enjoy it, and really like that it's with her, said a small voice in his head.

Falling Apart by Gwaeros | FF

Because Sirius Black understands.

Because they aren’t just Sirius and Marlene, the unbreakable, they are people too, but nobody realises the truth, nobody realises that they’ve been broken all along.

What Are You Doing? by aejaycee | AO3

There are times where Sirius could just lean in...

"Do I make you nervous?" Marlene teased, noticing the way he stiffened uncomfortably now that they were so close. They'd been careful not to let this happen. They knew, even then, that something was changing.

Ephemeral Tallies, Sempiternal Scars by (orphanacc) | AO3

Soulmate AU: AU in which every time a person falls in love, a red line like a tally mark shows up on their wrist. When their love becomes requited, the tally will become black, and when their loved one dies, the tally becomes a scar.

Sirius had no tallies. It wasn’t particularly shocking—he didn’t let himself love easily. But, he must admit, compared to the rest of his friends, his bare wrist looked lonely next to Remus’ one, James’ two, and Peter’s three.

thunderstorms by honeyspeaches | AO3

Summary: and he thinks, this girl is a thunderstorm, wild and deadly and far too easy to love

Sirius Black is not to be trusted, she tells herself in the month that follows. Marlene McKinnon is positively mental, he tells himself in turn.

Grass is weirdly itchy by livy_bear | AO3

This is a simple and short one-shot. All fluff :).

There are few things that are absolutely certain in the world: the sun is warm; grass is weirdly itchy; winter is the best season for cuddling; and Sirius loved waking up and seeing Marlene asleep next to him.

Guilty Pleasure by rachhudson | FF

I like how subtle Sirius is in this fic.

Every night, without fail, she was there, with her friends, by the fire. And every night, without fail, Sirius watched her from the Marauders' favorite table across the room in the corner.

Those are the days he lives for 😢 by kingslayers | FF

No dialogue. One-shot. Amazing.

Some days, she lets herself love him. (she doesn't know it, but those are the days he lives for)

Acrophobia by Budapest_All_Over_Again | AO3

Marlene loves his motorcycle. Or maybe she just loves him

She gave his middle a squeeze, determined to not fall off. He laughed, a rough bark.

Happy Memory by mckinnon-m | FF

They took her, the only thing that was worth fighting for.

And Sirius Black knew that, when Marlene McKinnon left, she took his heart with her.

Haunted by polverine 😢 (@sisforsammi) | AO3

This is heartbreaking I teared up. Also, she has a lot of Marauders content that includes blackinnon. So, check her out!

Summary: In the days before his death, Sirius can see Marlene.

It was the kitchen this time. He’d been just about to pour himself a drink, when there she was, standing at the other end of the long table.

Not Really, and that’s important by Paige_Marie | AO3

Blackinnon is minor in this one but I like how complex Sirius feels and how vulnerable he sounds.

Sirius never had a home, not really. Sirius had a house but not a home and that's important.

Favourite things by Siriusly_McKinnon | AO3

Sirius and Marlene enjoy the sunshine

‘Are you going to keep staring at me or are you going to lie down and enjoy the sun’ she stage whispered, startling him out of his own thoughts.

‘Can’t help it when I’ve got something so lovely to look at McKinnon’ he replied grinning.

of war and unintended sacrifices by kingslayers | FF

Sirius and Marlene talking about the war. Less romance, more serious.

"James thinks it'll be worth it," he mutters.

"James is in love," she says sadly. "He has to think that because he's bringing a child into this. You couldn't live with yourself if you didn't believe that."

Chill my bones by percychased | FF

Another short one

Usually he'd say "Good luck with that," with a flirtatious wink and walk away, but he found himself distracted with his newfound knowledge - James was right. Maybe he did fancy Marlene, just a little bit.

The Storm and Water by marauders.padfootsb | FF

Summary: Marlene was always scared of storms, while Sirius was always scared of water.

Whenever someone asked Sirius where his favorite place to swim was, he always said, "The ocean." But really, he'd love to say, "Marlene McKinnon's eyes.

Firewhisky Façade by Megsy42 | FF

Short. No dialogue. Beautiful.

Marlene McKinnon liked to think she was brave, but when it came to Sirius Black, perhaps she feared everything.

Not Forever by accioremote7 | FF

This is the stereotype of Blackinnon but I kinda like it

He pretended not to care, not to give a shit, because that was who he was. And though he would deny it to everyone, he found himself wanting, longing, wishing to feel her touch again.

Caution by silversailorganymede | FF

Beautiful One-shot.

No, Sirius Black was not the type to think before he acted – except where it came to Marlene McKinnon, though some people wouldn't have called that thinking at all.

Marlene's Last Day 🥉 😢 by My Little Big Blue Box | FF

Attention! This is the first fic I read about Blackinnon and look at me now. This is how I get here. This is good. just read it. Please.

Summary: Sirius gets drunk and finally admits that Marlene was never just a fling but so much more. Unfortunately, he can't see into the future and doesn't know of the tragedy just hours away.

Just before locking it shut, she heard Sirius 'whoop!' loudly and a crack sounded after, signaling he was gone, leaving Marlene to smile like a teenager all by herself.

the stars that fill polluted skies by iliads | FF

Marlene and Sirius having a conversation.

You're fucked up, Marlene."

"I know," she says, "but you are too, so it's okay. Right?"

Dysfunctional Beauty by Waterlily23 | AO3

So here we are we made something so beautiful and so dysfunctional

Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black were heartbreakingly gorgeous, with his aristocratic face and deep grey eyes, and her long blonde hair that fell oh so perfectly. They were devastatingly gorgeous, too beautiful. It just couldn’t last.

Starry-Eyed by smallpaperstars | FF

Told from a unique point of view, this tale explores the ill-starred romance of Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon.

After a while, he laughed. "If only Marlene could see me now," he said. "She always swore I'd end up in prison." Then he went to sleep. I could have used his swearwords myself. I needed to hear this story about whoever Marlene was. It felt important.

The dead girl's smile by she'sasiriusriot | FF

and while they describe this unknown stranger he is simply jealous of the dead.

He swallows and starts, "Marlene Mckinnon was definitely not perfect," he can almost see her, shaking her head beside Emmeline, berating him for insulting her at 'her party'. He shakes his head ruefully, "but i think i might have loved her."

Knight in Distress, Damsel in Shining Armour by Ralinde |FF

In which Marlene saved Sirius.

"Fine," she gave in. "Next time, you get to be the knight in shining armour and you can come rescue me and sweep me off on your horse."

He knew she was making fun of him and he didn't want to disturb the light atmosphere between them, so he joined in on her joke. "Nah, I think I'm more of a knight on a shiny motorcycle."

Like the Storybooks by @matrixaffiliate & EnthusiasticSloth 🔸 | AO3

Royalty AU. I loved this one so much. Authors have other blackinnon stories you should deffo check out.

“But,” he stood and her arms returned around his neck, “honor… virtue…other concepts such as those?” This was like the pull that Sir Lancelot felt to Guinevere. In some stories, he maintained her honor, but in all of them, it was his ruination.

@matrixaffiliate has A LOT of blackinnon AU and fics. Although Like the Storybooks is my fav, I encourage you to check out all of her works in her masterlist here. The popular ones are Saudade, A twist of Fate, and my other personal fav, Glimpsing Happiness.

That Night by Potterheademx | FF

Sirius is being questioned about that night, but he can't seem to speak the truth.

That night, he had been with her. By her grave. Clearing out the growing debris and laying fresh, new poppies, her favourite, at her resting place.

We all fall down by livesonacloudinthesky | FF

Sirius and Marlene fought after a mission.

"Oi, McKinnon, nice of you to return after all. A really fucking, amazing idea of yours, to just bloody leave me alone in the warehouse, leaving me to explain the mess you created."

Memories by bookworm42x | FF

In his cold, dank prison cell, Sirius remembers the only girl he ever loved. Oneshot.

She yells out: "Long live Gideon and Fabian!", and whispers softly in Sirius's ear, "And long live Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon."

Blasphemy by Anon | AO3

A little out of character in Sirius's part but cute!

Summary: During Saturday’s Quidditch match against Ravenclaw, three things happen in rapid succession: Sirius almost gets killed by a Bludger, Marlene McKinnon pulls off a spectacular Hairpin Turn and saves his life, and Sirius realizes that okay, holy shit, he’s actually in love with her.

Except that ‘a couple more days’ turns into a week, which turns into two weeks, which slips into three weeks, and he still hasn’t talked to Marlene. And he’s still pretty sure he’s legitimately in love with her.

Parents’ worst nightmare by Sophieofwinterfell | AO3

Summary: James and Marlene liked to go on and on about how they went way back, being childhood friends and all, and they did; but Sirius had a history with Marlene McKinnon too.

“Great. Wanna dance and show these old dinosaurs what it’s like to have a good time, Black?”

“Always, McKinnon. Always.”

5 Signs You’re In Love by sophieofwinterfell | AO3

Sirius should have never listened to Mary read them that stupid article from Witch Weekly Magazine... Or, 5 signs Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon are in love with each other.

Number one. You can’t stop staring at them.

So what if Sirius looked at McKinnon a lot? It wasn’t as if he couldn’t stop whenever he wanted to, or as though he was being creepy about it. Besides, it wasn’t his fault McKinnon was always around… who was he going to stare at? Peter?

The Flowers Do Fade by not my daughter | FF

At Marlene McKinnon's funeral, Sirius reflects on glory, war, and the woman he might have loved.

When I think of you, I think of your Gryffindor scarf in those vibrant colors and that loud cheer you would have at Quidditch games, the way you snaked your arms around my neck to kiss me. I can't reconcile that, not really, with the whole serenity of this place. You were always active, always moving. I don't understand how you can be resting, even now.

The Beginning by He called Me Baby | FF

Just a little blackinnon and quidditch, normal settings, usual blackinnon stereotype. cute.

Summary: How the infamous Sirius Black met his match in Marlene McKinnon.

They stayed like this until finally, Marlene spoke, "You know what I don't get Black; why you think that only one can play that game?"

Broken by xTimorousBeastie | FF

It was only a matter of time before one of them broke, but they made sure to pack a lifetime in before then. Too bad happiness was never for them. Misery was.

They have escaped the world together more often than either of them could count but the one time she needed him as much as he needed her he was off falling back into his old routine and he cried over the casket where she lay all in white as pain akin to that he's never felt racked through his body.

Magic of Rain by loveislouder94 | FF

Very sappy/corny but we needed that sometimes, right?

Summary: Marlene caught Sirius's eye when he saw her dance in the rain, so carefree.

"You are some sort of angel," he tells her, and then he turns around and walks away before he adds something stupid like "and I think I might be falling in love with you." (It'd be a lie, though. He'd fallen in love with her long ago, now he's waiting for her to catch him.)

Move by Rainbow Dust | FF

Sirius's thoughts during Marlene's funeral

Lily says it's fitting. I don't think it fits at all. It doesn't fit you. Nothing about this day is fitting.

In Love and Death, We Don’t Decide by stonecoldhedwig 🔸| AO3

A very cute multi-chapter. Completed, which is very rare for a blackinnon fic.

“Black and I were very drunk,” she said cooly, avoiding Sirius’ gaze entirely. “It’s never going to happen again.”

“Must you wound me so when I’m so fragile, McKinnon?” Sirius feigned, clutching a hand to his chest. The group laughed, and Marlene finally met his dark eyes with her blue ones. She gave him a smile, more relaxed now, and tutted.

“You’ll live, I’m sure,” she said drolly.

What’s owed to them? By @bisexualsirius | AO3

With the war picking up around them, Marlene writes a letter to Sirius to read after her death. Sirius find it.

Marlene hoped that when he found the letter, he could walk down the hall and ask her about it. That she would be there to explain why she wrote it, and that would be the end of the matter. They would go to meet the others for lunch, and the war would be a thing of memory.

The universe owed them that much.

Rain by Rainbow Dust | FF

Tonks shows Sirius how her "morphing" works, but when she transforms into someone from Sirius' past that he just wants to forget, questions are awoken.

"Do you like it?" The girl in front of him smiled.

"Marlene?" Sirius managed up.

The girl raised her eyebrows. "It's me? Tonks?" she laughed.

Sight of the Sun by SiriusUntiltheVeryEnd | FF

Simple blackinnon fluff.

He handed her a cup of coffee, she looked down at it and beamed. "You know what I put in my coffee?"

"I sat next to you at breakfast for two years." He shrugged.

The light in the storm by jesatria7 🔸 | FF

Marlene and Sirius living their life. very simple multichapter. discontinued but worth a read.

He turned his attention back to Marlene's tattoo. The deep red and vibrant green stood out against her pale, cream-colored skin. She really did have beautiful skin. It contrasted nicely with her deep burgundy sheets.

"Are you watching me sleep?" she asked, startling him out of his thoughts.

Night Clubs and Neon Lights by cyriathestrange 🔸 | AO3

Disaster attracts disaster. Both notorious flirts and school letharios, Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon have always steered clear of each other... because of subconscious warning bells that become all too clear when magnetism strikes -- the summer before their Seventh Year.

He remembered now, why he'd never seriously pursued her before. She— or perhaps they— had a particular magnetism that he realized now, he must have instinctively perceived and had thus steered clear. She was free and fun and independent in a way that was very ... frightening.

Why? He tried to inspect this fear and concluded that ... she felt out of his control.

Steam Engine by MischievousMessrs 🔸 | FF

This one is smutty so if you like that, give this one a go. The story is about how Marlene wants to make Sirius nicer towards Lily by bribing him with a snog.

That was how it continued for the rest of September. Sirius would be polite and get on with Evans, then at the end of the week, in a different location every time; he and Marlene would snog each other senseless. However, it was always her that initiated and it was always her that finished it. Every time Sirius left unsatisfied, getting more and more wound up and sexually frustrated and he couldn't tell whether he liked it or not. It was a new kind of thrill.

* Will be updated every time I find new good ones*

People also recommend: (A lot of gems down there, folks)

Out to find the better part of me by Red Car Wire

Acrobat by managingmischief

Black Lace by chinochan-inulover

Life Changing by WalkingTheTightrope

Pucker up, love by jadedlights07

Wild Card by Queen Nightingale

A Lovestory by Nimelloth

Easy by fanta-faerie

Blow The Wind Westerly

Just Tonight by Clarasteacup

Difference by Rainbow Dust

Burning through my darkest night by halcyon_epochs

Dandelion by TheMockTurtle

Firewhiskey & Denial by always-a-hp-girl

Vanilla and citrus by xnomii

Marlene and Sirius one shot by Norillix3

Hear You Me, My Friends by rideswithprongs

And Maybe by the lola

One More Night by JustAnotherHufflepuff

Mystery Flower by Chloe is a Unicorn

Steamy Showers by elfing14

I cant by itsahaiilstorm

Boredom by Ninja in Chucks

Just tonight by livesonacloudinthesky

This list is long overdue and even though I have many more fav fanfics up my sleeve, I guess this would be enough for now. Please inform me if a link or info is incorrect.

[jeonggukingdom]

𝖋𝖜𝖑 𝖇𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖔 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖙 : 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖓𝖊

author’s note ⟶ I’m taking part in the  “Bulletproof Bingo” project created by @ficswithluv. Basically, authors received a card with BTS’ songs titles on it. The goal is to write a fan fiction for every title you’ve got and to complete rows with them—like you would with numbers in a regular Bingo. ↪ In this post you will find the first five FFs I’m writing for this project ♥  [ You can find my card here: click! ]

pairing  ⟶ namjoon x fem!Reader

synopsis  ⟶ It has been just two weeks. Two bloody weeks of nothing but text messages and phone calls and, quite frankly, Namjoon can’t simply take it anymore. He needs you. And it’s exactly that firing desire that prompts him to call you in the middle of the night in the hopes of quenching his unyielding desire for you once and for all.

genre  ⟶ smut, angst, long-distance!AU

read here  ⟶ click!

pairing  ⟶ jungkook x fem!Reader

synopsis  ⟶ What does safe mean when you are chased by zombies, when every corner you turn could be the last one for you? What do words like home and future mean when you’re always on the run and every moment could be your last? They mean nothing and everything at the same time and Jeongguk is all of the above. He is your safe haven, he is your home and he is your future. But things like that crumble easily in your world.

genre  ⟶ smut, angst, apocalypse!AU, zombie!AU

read here  ⟶ click!

tag list  ⟶ @mrcleanheichou • @ayujaded • @vera6483 • @unrewardingrhinestone (unable to tag or message)  • @peterrogers15 • @ggukkieland || leave a comment under this post if you want to be added to the tag list for this fic! If you wish to be added to the tag list for all of the stories in this post, you don’t need to list all the titles, just tell me to add to you all of them ♥

pairing  ⟶ jungkook x fem!Reader

synopsis  ⟶ When your manager told you a great collab was coming your way, you did not expect it to be him. Of-fucking-course, of all artists out there it just had to be the one you couldn’t stand at all. Of-fucking-course he had to prove himself to be as much of an ass as you thought he was and of-fucking-course you just had to fall for his game and get inside his bed.

genre  ⟶ smut, angst, EnemiesToLovers!AU, idol!AU, singers!AU

read here  ⟶ coming soon

tag list  ⟶ @mrcleanheichou • @ayujaded • @vera6483 • @unrewardingrhinestone (unable to tag or message)  •  @hytibm​   • @peterrogers15 • @ggukkieland || leave a comment under this post if you want to be added to the tag list for this fic! If you wish to be added to the tag list for all of the stories in this post, you don’t need to list all the titles, just tell me to add to you all of them ♥

pairing  ⟶ taehyung x fem!Reader

synopsis  ⟶ He has lived many lives, he has protected many souls but none of them has ever touched him the way you did the moment his eyes landed on you. That was his first mistake. Saving your life when he wasn’t supposed to was his second. Revealing himself to you was the fatal one that costed him his wings. When Heavens turns his back on him he quickly realizes that all he has left, now, is you.

genre  ⟶ smut, angst, angel!AU

read here  ⟶ coming soon

tag list  ⟶ @mrcleanheichou • @ayujaded • @tangledsparkles • @vera6483 • @unrewardingrhinestone (unable to tag or message) • @peterrogers15 • @ggukkieland • @knmky || leave a comment under this post if you want to be added to the tag list for this fic! If you wish to be added to the tag list for all of the stories in this post, you don’t need to list all the titles, just tell me to add to you all of them ♥

pairing  ⟶ jungkook x fem!Reader

synopsis  ⟶ Black and white is all you have ever known. It’s all everyone knows until they finally meet their soulmate. You’re inside a coffee shop when it happens: your gaze shifts from the cup inside your hands and locks on the beautiful boy with raven hair and onyx eyes in front of you and just like that, as quick as a heartbeat, the world shifts and turns colorful before your very eyes.

genre  ⟶ smut, fluff, soulmates!AU

read here  ⟶  coming soon

tag list  ⟶ @mrcleanheichou • @ayujaded • @vera6483 • @unrewardingrhinestone (unable to tag or message) •  @hytibm • @peterrogers15 • @ggukkieland || leave a comment under this post if you want to be added to the tag list for this fic! If you wish to be added to the tag list for all of the stories in this post, you don’t need to list all the titles, just tell me to add to you all of them ♥

[makkoskafanfic]

Happy 21st August - the FF writer appreciation day!

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I got into fanfictions in the first place, almost 20 years ago. (moment of silence here as I sit stunned and wonder wtf happened to time)

Back then, at the tender age of 18, I had just read the first 4 books of Harry Potter and the 5th wasn’t anywhere in sight yet, which was unbearable as I had an utter fascination on Professor Snape and I needed some content with him. I don’t know what did I exactly search for to land on fanfiction net (or some other small archive long lost) but I can say the rest is history.

I have always read a lot, but FFs opened a new world to me. There are stories I’ve read 15, 17, 20 years ago, that I still hold dear. (thanks Past Me when you had the sense to save a copy of them to our drive) No working URLs for these anymore unfortunately, so you just have to believe me, they were beautiful. I want to thank that Snape/Sirius story I clicked on in particular, my first Slash (M/M) fic. Weren’t you a revelation?

There were so many fanfics that inspired my own writing, later on.

They made me want to write emotions that were just raw, I wanted to be able to paint scenes that you could imagine if you closed your eyes. They inspired me to try telling stories where love conquered all difficulties, where nothing mattered as much as two people who cared deeply for each other. I realised I can take my favourite characters from a story, and without the bother of having to create my own world, or even too much plot, I can just make them happy, I can give them a fate they didn’t get in canon.

Fanfictions I read made me want to try to make people laugh and/or cry, with my own writing. I hoped they will feel hot under the collar if they read my smut, I wanted my readers to think about my stories even after they finished reading. I wanted to write stories I was interested in, yes, but I also wanted to give back some of these wonderful emotions I experienced when I read my favourite fics. How much I succeeded in this is an altogether different matter, but if my stories made a few people happy, they were absolutely worth writing.

I hope all these people who wrote such impactful stories are still out there somewhere, creating many more of their wonderful tales.There will probably be many more generations of fans to come, who will gain the emotional charge they need from fanfictions. Thank you all, who continue to create and share stories. Please never stop. Let’s keep this free, creative space we have forever.

Please know that you have changed my life - not just with drastically improving my English, as I was consuming so much text in this language suddenly. It is also thanks to the Harry Potter fandom that I met my partner for life.

[allycryz]

Fic Writer Meme

Tagged by @elveny and @kunstpause (thank youuu)

Name

Fandoms

Most popular oneshot

Most popular multichapter

Actual worst part of writing

How you choose your titles

Do you outline

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?

Callouts @ Me

Best writing traits

Spicy Tangential Opinion

Oh hey this got super long so putting under a cut

tagging all of YOU! Do it!

Name: Ally, allycryz, BountyHuntress16 on Ao3 which is a username I have carried from the early FF dot net and DA days

Fandoms: Currently writing for FFXIV, reading in everything. Do write some YYH with a friend and have written for Bioware games, MCU, DBZ (though I have not brought my DBZ fics over to Ao3) . Did some time on the Bioware kink memes back in the day (more about that later)

Most Popular Oneshot: Okay gonna do of all time and for FFXIV since FF is my current 

Of All Time (Ao3 stats only)

Tetrad: Wrote on the high of CA: The Winter Soldier which is still one of my fave movies of all time and flung myself deep into Sam/Steve/Nat/Bucky fics. Also one of the first times I let myself explore some ~*feelings*~ I’d not allowed myself to before and would not really understand for at least another 3-4 years

Also my only G-rated fic on Ao3

Current Fandom

Ardent: Around HW time I was struck by the idea of “man I would love to do a fic where Haurchefant and Nerys are trapped in a cabin in a blizzard” and I finally gave in and did it, and it sorta launched everything I’m working on now

Also the first thing I had actually finished in a long time. This year has been a year of finding ways to finish things and learning to not fall into “if you write a snippet of any other WIP then you are BAD” 

Most Popular Multi-Chapter: While I did some time on both of the big Bioware kink memes back in 2011-2013, I was more active in the Mass Effect one. A prompt caught my eye that intrigued me and I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I sat down to write and it just...poured out of me

I look at a lot of stuff I wrote in college and before and it is...honestly rough a lot of the times because college was a time of breaking away from some truly toxic and harmful ideologies. Every day I find a new pre-conception I need to shed

So I am honestly surprised that given the subject matter and my immaturity at the time, Galaxy’s Oldest Profession turned out as well as it did. I still really like it. Idk, maybe there is a reason it just...sprung out of me like it did with a bisexual heroine who wasn’t afraid of her body and her sexuality. And again, this was years before I let myself come out to myself.

Anyway that got extremely sentimental but even though a nasty, doubting part of me is worried I peaked then, I’m glad I wrote it and that people like it. (Also the Shepard in that is so different from the Paragon I played, both are extremely dear to me in different ways. I think my first tattoo will be a paragon symbol for **reasons** but this renegade-flavored Shep in the series is a part of me too.)

Actual worst part of writing: Getting started, feeling like you have a picture in your mind but what you write comes out as poo, worrying if it’s Bad Actually and you don’t realise

How do you choose your titles: Lately it’s been scouring the thesaurus for an hour and writing out about 50 titles before something clicks. I’ve gotten around the “summary problem” lately by doing a snippet in the description but titles are tough! The last one that didn’t suck was “This World of Trials” because I had the FFIII song “The Breeze” stuck in my head and it worked thematically so...picked a lyric 

Do you outline: Not formally. I have tried this for larger projects to varying degree of success. When it comes to one shots (and right now I’m pretty much doing connected one-shots or one-shots broken into chapters for readability) I usually have scenes in mind I want to do and either figure out how they connect as I go, or dwell so long mentally that I have an idea of what’s coming as I write

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice? One abandoned WIP I don’t think I’ll return to is a cyberpunk-urban fantasy hybrid world I came up with for a McHanzo AU. Still enjoy reading about the pairing from time to time but I lost steam and haven’t picked up the game in a few years now. But maybe I’ll keep the world I made for something later?

I did have a story sorta planned for ME3 to make the Galaxy series a trilogy but the sequel, while it has scenes I love, did feel a bit of a slog at the end. Folks–and I think most of us are past this stage but just in case–it is a bad idea to put in a pairing you don’t really vibe that much with at a commenters’ request and then go back and forth with them about whether or not you are writing the character well. (Also I really had not spent enough time with Ashley to write her with confidence.)

I also had an AU idea I took a crack at where John Shepard is F!Shepard’s husband and they fell in love during the Akuze background where she saved him. Then a few years pass and she realises she has let him take all this credit for her work, thrown away a lot of her career for him, and when she is bypassed for Spectre for him...she needs some time away and takes command of a ship where she meets Garrus. But I just don’t know if I’ll write for ME again. 

Callouts @ Me: Just you know *waves vaguely at how all my insecurities and need for validation can sometimes skew how I see myself as a writer* stuff. Also try to break out of the comfort zone I have found myself in with present tense and not describing enough

Best Writing Traits: I have some fun dialogue and do my best to tap into my big emotions. Also some of my metaphors and similes are cool

Spicy Tangential Opinion: I appreciate if you like my story but please do not start with “I normally don’t like OCs.” 

[anntidote]

:get to know me

what is this?

❁ a bunch of questions if you wanted to get to know me. they’re random facts, tid bits, and stories behind how i got to love bts, writing, and what i do beside writing these fics.

story behind your handle?

❁ you can call me: ann.

❁ the meaning of ‘anntidote’ is a mix of my pseudonym and a play off of the word, ‘antidote’, which is defined as a medicine.

❁ as most of the work i write is mature and/or explicit, this blog acts as a ‘cure’ for these thoughts.

how did you start writing ff?

❁ i started writing fan fiction in 2014. i was apart of a minecraft fandom, and wrote fan fiction for certain YouTubers in that friend group. then, i switched fandoms, in writing for an australian pop-punk band. afterwards, leading to where i am now- which is writing for: international kpop sensation sunshine rainbow traditional transfer usb hub shrimp, BTS. i grew up on anime due to my older brother. hq is no exception to this creative outlet, and i couldn’t be happier.

❁ just because i started writing in 2014 doesn’t mean i wasn’t an avid fan of other things. in no particular order: i liked o2l, had a swift phase, made rubber band bracelets, and loved musicals (still do).

how did you start liking bts?

❁ the prior group i liked (no hate towards the group, as i still love their music) lacked fan involvement and fresh frequent content. it’d been over a year since they’d put out something new, and i needed something else to listen to. i knew my friends were really into k-pop, so i thought- fuck it- why not? i approached them and they gave me recommendations based off of my music taste (heavy hip-hop, pop, and alternative rock). i listened to the music without prejudice and found myself enjoying it. i remember listening to the cypher series, save me, and simply being amazed.

how did you start liking haikyuu!! ?

my best friends and others in my friend group kept nudging me to watch. it took awhile but i eventually gave in, especially since i liked knb a lot. i’m truly glad i gave it a chance, as i kind of fell for tsukki the minute i saw him— he took none of the freak duo’s bs. and it was history from there.

how did you know your bias was rm?

❁ summer of 2017, lying on my couch and scrolling through YouTube, i spotted jimin’s ‘serendipity’ mv had just dropped. although i had been already listening to bts for a couple weeks before that, ly:her (DNA era) would be my first comeback. i fell in love with serendipity’s lyricism and looked into who wrote it. i fell in love with namjoon- right then and there. (note: this was when namjoon was still called ‘rap monster’ and everyday, i thank him for realizing that that name would not age well, and consequently changing it.)

❁ i always tell to new armys, “you don’t choose your bias. your bias chooses you.” although that sounds insanely cliche and stupid- i find it to be true. upon hearing namjoon’s voice for the first time, i did a double take. he knocked me out of my seat and didn’t need to apologize. there’s so much i could gush in adoration toward that man, but let’s move on.

besides writing, what are your hobbies?

❁ i major in audio technology and am enrolled in a mixing and mastering course. i aspire to work in the music industry, and i write songs in my free time. as i’m training to be a mixing engineer/producer, writing songs leads me to writing other ideas- which is one of the reasons why i’m here! c: i’ve also been singing my entire life- which may or may not attribute to the fire. being an army has only reinforced my dreams and expectations ten fold.

❁ when i’m not burying myself in work, i’m either cooking, catching up on my shows, or sleeping. there’s no in between.

- cooking is therapeutic for me. (wrapping meat dumplings, frying chicken or potatoes, or emulsifying pasta sauce.)

- other than bts variety shows, i watch a lot of anime. i love sports (haikyuu & kuroko no basket, etc), classics (sailor moon, fairy tale, fruits basket, dbz, naruto, etc.), and others. i love romance, comedy, and competition.

how do you get inspiration?

❁ by doing nothing. and i know this sounds stupid, but it’s the truth- whether you like it or not. namjoon also partakes in this stupidity (he’s said this in an interview). i could be avidly searching everywhere for what i need to write next, or i could kick back, relax, and let the thoughts come and go as they please. i simply try to enjoy the tasks i do on the daily, and notice the small things that lead me on to creative trains of thought. (ie: seeing a plane fly overhead, and thinking of seatbelts.) “i do nothing for twelve hours... but when i get to the studio, my mind clicks.”

trademark facts about yourself

❁ i love salty chips. specifically, spicy ones. hot cheetos are glorified in this household. due to covid, i haven’t been able to have them- and i swear, i’m hitting withdrawals. (takis, sweet & spicy doritos, hot cheetos, kettle cooked potato chips, etc.)

❁ my favorite color is red. it used to be pink, because i wanted to spite people on the color’s duality. but this was the color of one of the boy’s i liked- so i changed it. even though i got over the boy, i still liked the color because of how empowered it made me feel.

❁ i’m introverted. very much so. it’s kind of crippling... my out of pocket posts may lead you to think otherwise, but no. trust me. i just seem extroverted at times because i get really passionate about what i do. (my MBTI is ISFP-T.)

❁ i don’t like coffee. perhaps i’m too young, but when i write, i love drinking hot chocolate- even in the summer.

❁ i’d fallen in love with music before i stanned bts. i’ve always participated in music and have been captivated by how singers tell stories without borders. bts empowers change and reinforces the voice of youth, that has been shunned so many times. i’m so happy to support their cause.

message to those who read

❁ thank you for taking the time/having interest in what i post. it truly means a lot to me. i hope you have a beautiful day or night, wherever you’re from. i love you guys, and i love namjoon too- haha.

[toujoursmiraculous]

Adrienette Snippet

“Marinette!” Adrien called after her. She was walking out of the school building alone. The sound of her name being called by him made her heart jump uncomfortably. For a second, she wanted to pretend she hadn’t heard him and keep going, but she couldn’t avoid him like that. She sighed and turned around. “Hey Adrien,” she gave a small smile, but her eyes never met his. “Can I talk to you a minute? Please? It’s important.” “Don’t you have somewhere to be though? A photo shoot or practice or something else really important?” “Nothing more important than you. Please Marinette?” he rushed it out, still a bit out of breath from trying to catch up to her. She glanced at him then, his gaze anxious and intense down at her. Her train of thought suddenly faded away and she blurted out “Sure” before she could think about what she was doing. She internally cringed as soon as she realized what she had said. Her plan was to keep her distance from him until she could handle him being with Kagami and found happiness of her own. Now her plan failed because of her inability to turn Adrien down. “Great!” He beamed. “Come with me.” He led her down to the seine, a place he liked to visit when he needed to figure things out. It was a beautiful spot, really, especially on a sunny day like today. He watched her walk to the waters edge. She paused, let out a sigh, and hugged her chest. He furrowed his brow slightly, but ignored it. “Marinette, I have to ask you something but please, please be honest with me. I feel like I’m missing something here, because everything seems so contradicting with you.” “Sure,” she shrugged, continuing to look out at the sparkling river. “Do you...Were you being honest both times I asked you about...about your feelings...for me? I’m asking because I want to believe what you told me, because you told it to me, but I can’t help but notice your actions aren’t matching your words, and after that car ride...” Adrien looked down at the ground, the pain having returned to his eyes. She hated that look. It caused her pain that coursed through her like a shot of fire had been injected into her blood stream. “I...” she couldn’t lie to cover it up, not again. He’d either know it, or it would just make matters worse. Marinette didn’t want to cause him any pain, but that’s all she had been doing with her white lies to cover up her feelings. “I wasn’t being honest with you, I’m sorry Adrien. I shouldn’t have lied about it. But it’s good I did, because you said there’s someone else you love. I understand that, and I can handle that. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.” His bright green eyes had grown wide and his heart hammered in his chest. Part of him had always guessed it was a possibility, but he never took time to think about it. Marinette was the only one he’d ever actually be happy with if he couldn’t be with Ladybug. He wasn’t sure of that until this moment, but he always felt this pull when it came to her. He had wanted to keep her close to him, but he never knew why or how. Marinette was involved and close with everyone, everyone but him. He assumed he simply wanted the same treatment as them, too. But no...She was more important than any of his other friends, and he never was sure why that was either. Until now when it clicked into place. In a way, she was greater and braver than Ladybug. She helped and saved people on a daily basis in a difficult and non-glamorous way, nobody ever thinking twice about what all she does for everyone. But he knew. He knew it all, he remembered it all. Grinning, he walked up to Marinette, her back turned to him. Adrien looked down and slipped his hand into hers, the action made her jump and gasp. “Wh-What are you doing?! Isn’t there someone else that you....” she trailed off as he smiled a very Chat-worthy grin. “About that, I think I’ll be much happier, and luckier, being with Paris’s secret everyday Ladybug.” “I-“ she uttered but didn’t know what to say. He was holding her hand. Adrien admitted he wanted to be with her instead. Was this real life, or was she dreaming? “Want to go get some of Andre’s ice cream?” he offered. If this was a dream, she certainly wasn’t going to waste time questioning it, because if it wasn’t, she’d surely regret it. “I’d like that,” she smiled up at him, managing not to stutter. They walked hand in hand on their way to Andre’s ice cream cart on the other side of the city, giving them plenty of time to enjoy each other’s company. For full and ongoing fics by me, visit my Ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToujoursMiraculous/works?fandom_id=582724 or my FF https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8690981/ToujoursMiraculous

[seriouslyhooked]

Thank You (For Your Love)

Future set CS Thanksgiving fic. Emma, Killian and their children are hosting the family and their friends for the holiday, but before guests arrive there’s time for a bit of a CS interlude. Rated M for ‘may be a second chapter with real smut…’ In the meantime please enjoy this little tease. Also please keep in mind I never watched season 7, so any issues you all see with this not fitting into that world, my bad. Still, cuteness is cuteness right? Hopefully! Available on AO3 Here and FF Here.

A/N: Hey everyone! It has been a season of irregular writing for me, but I couldn’t let one of my favorite holidays come without adding some fluff and CS family cuteness of my own to our fandom. This is a time of year meant for love and togetherness, so whether you have a happy family life or whether you find yourself wishing for more, I hope you will enjoy this fic and this expansion of a universe I miss so much. It feels like forever since Once has been on, but I still feel super connected to these characters and this world, and every time I hear this song, ‘Thank You’ by Mozella, I think of Emma and Killian. Hope that happy feeling translates here, and thank you all so much for reading!

Busy. That was the primary way to describe the holidays these days in the Swan/Jones household. A few years back that was often because they couldn’t catch a break from big bads and curse-induced disasters, but all of that had changed. Things had been peaceful for quite a while now, but that peace did not always guarantee quiet.

“How much time have we got, Swan?”

The question from her husband prompted Emma to check the clock on the kitchen wall. Guests were supposed to be arriving in an hour and her parents had been advised that she and Killian had Thanksgiving dinner totally handled. So basically, any minute now the Charmings would sail on through the door, completely disregarding that fact.

“Hard to say,” Emma said shrugging slightly, and though it was feint, she swore she heard a growl emanating from deep in Killian’s chest.

A flush of excitement moved through her instantly, but Emma fought against the instinct to meet Killian’s stare. Even from this distance she could feel the tension between them, the heat that flowed in the air around them, and the need that her pirate always had. Forget the fact that they’d managed to sneak an oh so satisfying rendezvous this morning before the kids woke up, with Killian there was no off switch. Oh he was a perfect gentleman most of the time, always reading her wants and following her wishes at every pass, but he was also… well, how to put this delicately? Insatiable. The man was insatiable even with years of history between them.

“Are you toying with me, love?” he asked, coming behind her and wrapping his arms around her, his hand skimming over her with practiced precision. His fingertips brushed across an exposed patch of skin where her shirt had ridden up, and her pulse fluttered. She hoped he’d missed it, but when he pressed a kiss to her neck, nipping ever so slightly she knew he hadn’t. She pushed back against him, and now she understood his words. She’d said it was hard to say, but that wasn’t the only thing that was hard. Not by a long shot.

“When have I ever been known to do that?” she quipped.

He mumbled something into her hair about her being a siren who always called him back again. She swallowed harshly, but leaned back into his affectionate touch before twisting in his arms to look at him.

“The kids?”

“Coloring,” he reported. Emma arched a brow. “Well Hope is. Little Liam is reporting as her first mate and serving honorably.”

“So he’s chewing on the crayons and drooling on the paper?”

Killian’s only response was that roguish smile of his and Emma giggled – yes giggled – at the idea of an image she’d seen many times. Their daughter, spirited and fiery as she was, had it in her brain that she needed to color every day. When pressed on why it was important, Hope said she needed to become an ‘’aw-tist’ (her word for artist). Emma had asked her why, and her response was well thought out if a little harsh:

“I has ta do this, Mommy.”

“Why, honey?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because Daddy tells me pwetty stories but there’s no pwetty pictures to go with them. My other books have pwetty pictures. Daddy’s stories need them too.”

This would have been a purely adorable thing for her charming and precocious daughter to say save for one small problem. The stories her ‘Daddy’ told her did have pictures, and they just so happened to be drawn by Emma’s father, and Hope’s grandfather.

So far they’d managed to keep Hope’s true objective under wraps from her Dad, who though strong and always doting, would probably be a little hurt about the comments on his sketches. Those homemade storybooks were just supposed to be a cute little project to make for Hope when Emma was pregnant with her, but somehow the stories had clicked. Their little princess was obsessed with tales of the savior and her pirate. She just wasn’t so enthused with the pictures that went with them.

“Henry’s got his eye on both of them, and no interest in being recruited for cooking duty. So that leaves you,” he pressed a kiss behind her ear, “me,” he managed to grasp her earlobe with his teeth in a way that made her sizzle, “and however much time we can manage.”

Emma glanced up at her husband, taking in the handsomeness of his features, and the sexy stubble that still graced his strong set jaw, before pulling him in to her by the collar of his dress shirt. She wanted the kiss that they shared so badly, and immediately they were catapulted back in the thick of the lust that blended so seamlessly with the true love in their hearts. It was so easy to get swept away, to forget that the kids were in the next room and that guests were on the way, but hell if she cared. All that mattered was how good Killian always made her feel, and brilliantly beautiful pleasure that was seeping through her at the promise of what was to come.

“Knock knock!”

Her mother’s call came from the front door, and because she was in the thick of a stolen moment with her pirate, Emma almost ignored it. Then it dawned on her.

“Shit! My parents,” she whispered and though she sought to scramble away, Killian held her firmly where she was.

“Not so fast, my love. Wouldn’t want to hurt the little one.”

His hand came over her stomach which had not yet started to show. In another week or so a bump would start to form, at least if the tendencies of her last two pregnancies held up, but for now, it was still her and Killian’s little secret. A secret they planned on keeping until Christmas day. It seemed only fitting, since all Hope could think to ask for Christmas was a baby sister. Hopefully this would turn out in their daughter’s favor, and Killian was convinced it would thanks to his strange but usually accurate pirate intuition. But no matter who their newest bundle of joy turned out to be, Henry, Hope, and Liam would be happy. There was more than enough love to go around in this family, and all Emma’s children were eager to share it.

“Look what I brought, Henry!”

Emma heard her brother, Neal, excitedly charge to the living room and then heard her oldest’s enthusiastic reply.

“Cool! What is it?”

“It’s a football, Henry. Don’t you know what a football is?”

“Yeah, Henwy, don’t you know?” Hope asked, prompting both Emma and Killian to chuckle, since the likelihood that Hope had any idea was minute at best.

“I was just teasing, bean. Of course I know what a football is. We gonna play later?”

“You bet ya. You want to play Hope?”

“Maybe. I’m an awtist now. Can awtist’s play?”

“Damn, I should –“ Killian started as Emma tried to say “We should handle that.”

“Until later, love?” Killian asked with a wry grin and she smiled, pressing one last kiss to his lips as he went to go swoop Hope up, greet her parents, and prevent a storybook revelation the likes of which this town had somehow never seen.  

After giving herself a moment to regroup and fanning her face a bit to try and blow away the tell tale color of a moment with Killian, Emma joined them all out in the living room. Embracing her parents and her little brother before turning her attention to her kids.

“Looking good, bean,” she said, echoing Henry’s endearment for his sister that had a special history.

When Emma first found out she was pregnant, they’d all taken to calling Hope the little bean and it was Henry originally who said it was fitting. Killian and Emma couldn’t figure why until he reminded them. She and Killian had shared their first real story on the bean stalk, so the product of that kind of true love would be a bean. Killian especially had loved that, so much in fact that the nickname stuck, and the eventual nickname of ‘sprout’ for Liam was just as permanent as well. Emma didn’t know what the new baby’s name would be, but she was eager to see what Killian could come up with.

“It’s my tuckey!” Emma bit back a smile at her daughter’s exuberant words, especially the one that was glaringly mispronounced.

“And what a beautiful turkey she is,” Emma’s mother cooed. It was totally typical. She loved being a grandma just as much as she loved being a Mom.

“Tuckey is a girl?” Hope asked, clearly confused that turkeys could be girls too. But soon enough she did that thing so many four-year-olds tended to do, she decided to roll with it and forget her line of detailed inquiry. “Mommy and Daddy was kissing in the kitchen again.”

“Hope!” Emma said, aghast at having been ratted out so promptly and matter of factly. But her shock grew more profound as she watched her mother take a chocolate from her purse and hand it to Hope. “Mom?”

“My granddaughter and I have a deal. She’s my eyes and ears. My little birdie, so to speak.”

“Oh really? Because it sounds like she’s a spy...” Emma teased.

“A spy?!” Killian proclaimed, play acting like it was his life’s work. He pretended to scour the room, even lifting a squealing little Liam into his arms to help in the exaggerated search. “Tell me we don’t have a spy! A dreaded spy, oh Liam can it really be so?”

“I’m not a spy! Not a spy!” Hope said, immediately shaking her head and looking completely uninterested in this twist on things. She shoved the chocolate back towards Mary Margaret, something that Emma had never ever seen before. “No more tellin, grandma. Sowwy. Love you.”

“And I love you, princess,” she said, pressing a kiss to Hope’s head as she shot a scolding look at Emma. Emma ignored it, but handed the chocolate back to Hope. Her daughter grinned immediately before ripping it open and shoving it all in her mouth as fast as she could, her eyes closing in that intoxicated way that every kid gets with quality candy.

“You mind helping me in the kitchen, Mom?” Emma asked with the benefit of distraction, and her mother agreed with no question, moving behind Emma and stepping into the preparation process seamlessly. After a few minutes though, Emma caved and asked what exactly was up. “So, care to explain why you need a ‘little birdie’ all of a sudden?”

“Oh there’s no reason,” her mother said in that way that said she wasn’t being totally truthful. Emma didn’t even need a super power to feel that either. Her Mom was just a terrible liar. “Fine. I was just thinking that one more baby would really round out this family.”

“Okay, so you and Dad should get right on that,” Emma quipped and her mother huffed.

“Emma.”

“Mom. You act like that’s crazy. What’s stopping you from having another kid?”

“Nothing’s stopping us,” her mother said, her honesty back in full force. “We are blessed with the children we have. I’m perfectly comfortable with two kids. I wanted one girl and one boy and we’ve been blessed with exactly that.”

“But we’re different?” Emma asked, intrigued to know why her mother felt that way specifically.

“Yes I think you are. You and Killian were both denied the childhoods you deserved in so many ways. And I know, even though you’ve never told me, I know in my heart that when you wished for us to find you, you also wished for more.” Her mother’s voice broke, a sign that tears were threatening to come, and Emma wasn’t surprised, not when her own tears were lurking at the edge of her vision. “You dreamed of a big family, Emma. You wanted brothers and sisters and parents who loved you more than anything in the world.”

“And I found that, Mom. Well, most of it at least.”

“I know you did, Emma. I know,” she said, hugging Emma to her quickly. “Your father and I do love you. So much it drives me to enlist Hope in trace amounts of espionage.”

Emma laughed at the reminder. “Yeah, not exactly your best moment.”

“Maybe you’re right. But my point still stands – you are an amazing mother, Emma, and you know how magical that dream of a big, huge family can be to a kid. Now you have the chance to make that come true for your babies, and for yourself.”

Emma smiled at the thought, and she was so pleased that her mother truly understood her despite the long 28 years she’d gone without her. Time had been a great healer, but the remnants of Emma’s past did remain, and those dreams, though they were dreamed so long ago, they still lingered, even now. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell her mother that the dream would come true. Another baby was coming, and this family would in fact grow, but just as she was about to she remembered – there was no one in the world less equipped to handle a secret than her mother.

“Just promise me you’ll think about it,” her mother begged, saving Emma from an awkward half response and Emma exhaled a breath of relief.

“Okay, I promise.”

The joy that brought her mother was undeniable, and the rest of their prep time was spent with elated conversation, and genuine familial love. Soon the rest of their family and friends appeared, filling the house with so many personalities, and laughter, and light. It was unbelievable, but somehow, miraculously, it was also their real life.

“Would you like the honors this year, my love?” Killian asked, when the time had come for the Thanksgiving speech. It was tradition now, that each year before their favorite meal they came together and said all that they were thankful for. Sometimes Killian started things, sometimes it was her parents, but this year Emma felt particularly inclined to take the lead. Killian could see as much just from the expression on her face, and he kissed her cheek before taking his spot at the opposite end of the table. When all eyes were on her and an expectant silence descended, Emma spoke her mind.

“Thank you all so much for being here. Every year we say pretty much the same thing. That we are grateful for our health, for our family, and for our friends. We thank whatever forces out there have gotten us to here, and we wish to be just as blessed in the years still to come. Thanksgiving is all about acknowledging what we are thankful for, and I would be remiss to let this moment pass me by without saying how special this is to me.”

“What’s we-miss mean, Henwy?” Hope asked in what tried to be a whisper but was a very loud inquiry. Some of their guests failed to stifle their laughter as her brother explained.

“It means Mommy really wants to say this and share it with all of us.”

“Oh! Okay, keep going Mommy.”

Emma bit back a chuckle but took her precious girl’s advice. “For so many years I did not have this, and I know that really none of us did. We were all dealing with our own burdens. No one’s story had gotten to that promised happy ending just yet. But we’re here now. We have so much, and it’s all because we have each other. I couldn’t ask for anything more than the love in this room. I couldn’t have dreamed of a life as worth giving thanks for as this one. And I want to thank you all for the part you play and for the light you bring on this day and every day.”

“To family,” Killian said, taking Emma’s silent queue that words were beginning to fail her.

“To family!” Everyone echoed.

With that, everyone proceeded to enjoy the rest of the night, eating and talking and sharing stories of all the highs they’d achieved together throughout the years. It was a perfect thanksgiving, or ‘tuckey-day’ as Hope had fondly put it, and though it ended sooner than the kids might have wished, by the end of the evening Emma was feeling the length of the day. She was tired, but she was also tremendously happy, and so comforted by the safety of her children and the presence of her true love at her side.

“Hard to imagine that I could ever be more thankful than I was the day I made you mine, Emma,” Killian whispered as they shut the door to their room behind them. They’d put Hope and Liam to sleep, so they were officially off the clock. Well, at least for a little while.

“And now?” Emma asked, knowing he was about to say something that would take her breath away with its thoughtfulness and sincerity.

“Now every day shows me how wrong I was. Life has only become more incredible, the world is always brighter, and every moment is one I would never trade for all the riches in the world. And I have you to thank for that, Swan. So thank you, Emma. For your love, for your light, and for everything you are.”

“How is it you always say the right things?” Emma asked, pulling him closer to her and running her hand along his face, her eyes tracking every feature that she’d memorized since the first moment they met all that time ago.

“Because, love, we’re one. Two hearts made whole and all of that.”

“Oh really?” Emma teased, running her other hand down the hard lines of his chest. “And does that two parts made whole just go for hearts or -?”

She squeaked out a sound of delight as Killian swept her into his arms and brought her over to the bed, silencing her with a kiss, and then proceeding to outline just how very together they were meant to be. With his hand, mouth, and body he drew her into a frenzy, making her see stars and succumb to that fever in her blood more than once, helping her reach a high that she only ever found with him. And when it was over, and the two of them were spent, catching their breath curled up in bed, Emma brought her hand over his chest, reveling in the feal of his heart synced in perfect time with hers.

“I love you, Killian. Now and forever.”

“And I love you, Emma. The same and somehow more.”

And with those final words they drifted off to sleep, and Emma’s final thought was that she was so immensely grateful and that she’d never take any of this magic that they’d found for granted, no matter how long their fairytale turned out to be.

……………….

La la la la la la

Mixed up and lost You showed me love at no cost And when nobody else cared You were there

Down on my luck You helped my life get unstuck And when the world went away You stayed

Thank you for the good times Thank you for your love Thank you for the joy you've given me Yeah, yeah, thank you

La la la la la la

You fight off my enemies You'd take a bullet for me And you know I'd do the same for you

'Cause that's how we roll Connected at the soul And I just wanted you to know how I feel

Thank you for the good times Thank you for your love Thank you for the joy you've given me Yeah, yeah, thank you

La la la la la la

Thank you for loving me every day Thank you for showing me the way Thank you for things that I'd never say

La la la la la

Thank you for the good times Thank you for your love Thank you for the joy you've given me Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you

Thank you for loving me every day Thank you for showing me the way Thank you for things that I'd never say

La la la la la

Post-Note: So there we have it. Just a little family fluff for everyone in this holiday season. And, at the moment, I am thinking it might be fun to write a follow up for Christmas with the baby reveal and a bit more CS smut. Would love to hear what you all think, but more than anything just want to wish you all the best holiday and a lovely rest of your year!!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9,Part 10,Part 11, Part 12,Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24,Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31,Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38,Part 39,Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45,Part 46,Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53,Part 54,Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60,Part 61,Part 62, Part 63, Part 64, Part 65, Part 66, Part 67, Part 68,Part 69,Part 70, Part 71, Part 72, Part 73, Part 74, Part 75,Part 76,Part 77, Part 78, Part 79, Part 80, Part 81, Part 82, Part 83,Part 84,Part 85, Part 86, Part 87, Part 88, Part 89, Part 90,Part 91,Part 92, Part 93, Part 94, Part 95, Part 96, Part 97, Part 98,Part 99,Part 100, Part 101, Part 102, Part 103,Part 104, Part 105,Part 106, Part 107,Part 108, Part 109, Part 110,Part 111, Part 112,Part 113, Part 114, Part 115,Part 116, Part 117, Part 118,Part 119,Part 120, Part 121, Part 122, Part 123,Part 124, Part 125,Part 126, Part 127, Part 128,Part 129,Part 130, Part 131,Part 132,Part 133, Part 134, Part 135, Part 136, Part 137, Part 138,Part 139,Part 140, Part 141, Part 142, Part 143, Part 144, Part 145,Part 146, Part 147, Part 148,Part 149, Part 150, Part 151,Part 152, Part 153, Part 154, Part 155, Part 156, Part 157, Part 158,Part 159, Part 160, Part 161, Part 162, Part 163, Part 164,Part 165, Part 166, Part 167, Part 168, Part 169, Part 170,Part 171,Part 172, Part 173, Part 174, Part 175, Part 176,Part 177, Part 178, Part 179 , Part 180, Part 181, Part 182, Part 183, Part 184, Part 185, Part 186

[misharuu]

All You Had To Do Was Ask ; Part One/Four

Fandom: Naruto Shippuden (you only need basic knowledge of the fandom to enjoy this story; only the subplot mentions the canon!)

Pairing: Jiraiya x Naruto

Warnings/Tags: NSFW ; yaoi in future chapters, sickfic, emeto, depression, mental illness, self harm/suicide attempt in future chapters.

Summary:  Naruto and Jiraiya have set out on another training journey together. Jiraiya returns from a recon mission to find Naruto sick and injured, slipping deep into the grasps of depression. Emotions are kindled and their dynamic begins to shift and change; can Jiraiya save Naruto before it's too late?

Word Count: 11,218

A/N: so this fic follows the canon storyline up until when Naruto begins training with Jiraiya for the second time, before learning sage mode. rather than having a second, shorter spurt of training they set off on another two year long journey. Naruto is 19 and Orochimaru took on a different vessel which gave them more time to prepare while the Akatsuki focused on the other tailed beasts. Naruto is being tormented by the Nine Tailed Fox and slowly falls into a pit of crippling depression. he stops taking care of himself and has to deal with the consequences once Jiraiya comes back from a 'research' session. drama ensues and eventually Jiraiya and Naruto realize they might need each other more than they had ever expected.

please like, comment, or reblog if you enjoy this fic c:

AO3. FF.

PART ONE: BLOOD

"You're weak. You're a monster. No one could ever love you. Not after what you've done. Not with what you are. You're a fucking disgrace. Jiraiya is just using you. He wants your power. Why do you think he's always off 'researching'? You disgust him. He can't stand being in the same room as you. You killed his prized student. You're a murderer," the Fox snickered, chakra glowing a deep dark crimson. Naruto sat in the shallow water, his hands pressed over his ears. He wouldn't listen. He wanted to tear out his eardrums so he couldn't listen. Even now he knew he was dreaming, but it stung the same because he knew the words were true.

———————

Naruto's eyes snapped open, waking with a start. A dull throb formed behind his eyes and he let out a shaky breath. A cold sweat coated his body and a chill seeped up his spine. He shivered and pulled the covers closer to his neck, wrapping himself up tight. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the pressure in his head away. Suddenly a sharp pain spread throughout his stomach like a wildfire, deep and twisting. He winced and rolled onto his side, but the sudden movement caused his vision to swim. He groaned and fought back the bile rising in his throat, swallowing hard. Just as he thought he was about to lose control the door slammed open. Jiraiya cheerily walked into the room, loudly dropping his pack next to the door. He stomped through the room and stopped at the window next to Naruto's resting spot. He flung the blinds opens and spun on his heels to face his student. "Rise and shine, kid! It's nearly noon!" he beamed, giving Naruto a light shake with his foot. Naruto pulled the covers over his face as the sunlight assaulted his eyes.

"S-Sensei -" he started but his voice betrayed him. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Sensei, I don't think I can train today."

Jiraiya let out a hearty laugh, "come on kid! I didn't think you'd quit that easily!" he made his way to their closet and pulled out Naruto's clothes, spreading them on the bedspread over his feet. "You've been resting all night, time to get a move on!" he smirked, looking at the lump under the blanket. "Plus!" he added happily, "my research is done for now. I'll tell ya what; I'll watch you train," if that's what it'll take to get you out of bed, he finished in his head.

Naruto perked up at this. He'd been begging Jiraiya to watch him train for weeks. Months, even. Before he even started his sage training. Truth be told he was starting to feel hurt. He'd been alone his entire life; shunned and outcast like trash due to the fact that he was the Nine Tailed Fox’ vessel. That wasn't anything new. But Jiraiya filled a spot in his heart that had been missing. He made Naruto feel like he wasn't so alone. But as soon as they left to train for the second time Naruto felt like Jiraiya quickly grew tired of him. Naruto wound up spending most of his time training alone, and Jiraiya was usually off ‘researching’. Sometimes he'd train so hard that he'd pass out and his teacher wouldn't even notice, leaving him out overnight in the cold and rain. Naruto was beginning to feel more alone than ever. His heart constantly ached, but he kept pushing himself. He wouldn't stop until he was strong enough to bring Sasuke home. But the current pressure and stress was taking it's toll. The Nine Tailed Fox chakra was healing him slower and slower; at this point he felt like he was healing even slower than a normal person would. And his mental health was struggling. He felt himself slipping into the void of depression and anxiety, desperate for some real human interaction. He wasn't going to let a stupid headache ruin his chance to make Jiraiya proud.

Jiraiya watched as a puff of yellow hair began to emerge from the blanket. His smile faded slowly as he got a full view of Naruto. He was as pale as a ghost; his hair was limp and stuck to his forehead with sweat. His red rimmed eyes were glazed over and unfocused, and he looked much too thin.

"Really? You mean it?" he asked weakly, pulling himself up. He staggered a bit but was able to steady himself. He couldn't let himself ruin this. Not now. Not for some stupid cold. Jiraiya was prepared to tell Naruto to get back into bed, but with the way he cheered up at the mention of watching him train he knew he couldn't pull the rug out from under the kid. Jiraiya huffed, tossing the clothes on the bedspread into Naruto's hands.

"Yeah, I mean it. But first we're going to get some food. With all the growing you've been doing you're starting to get a bit thin, you look like a twig," Jiraiya masked the worry in his voice with a joke. Naruto let a small smile grow on his face as he gripped his clothes in his hands.

Jiraiya looked around the room nonchalantly. He admittedly had been quite busy lately; he told Naruto he was 'researching,' but in reality he was trying to gain intel on the Akatsuki. It had been at least a week since he'd slept in on actual mattress, let alone checked up on Naruto. He knew the boy always pushed himself to the limit but his optimistic nature and sticktoitiveness kept him going, and tough love was Jiraiya's signature teaching method. He was starting to think that method wouldn't be as effective for someone like Naruto, but the kid needed to grow up. He was almost twenty and was still constantly seeking approval from anyone who would give him the time of day. He had to learn how to satisfy his own needs. But as Jiraiya looked around the room he didn't see the usual litter of snack wrappers and ramen containers that he'd become accustomed to. All he saw were scrolls, blood stained clothing soaking in a soapy basin, and... was that sake?

Jiraiya let out a heaving sigh, "c'mon kid, lets get some food into you."

The thought of food made Naruto's stomach turn. He had to fight down a gag that threatened to escape his lips. He covered it up by clearing his throat and plastering on a hollow smile. He gripped the clothes in his hands tightly and made his way to the bathroom to clean up. He let the door click behind him as he gingerly lifted his night shirt over his head, wincing as the dried blood on his ribs stuck to the fabric of his shirt. He knew he was training too hard, pushing himself to the limit every day. Each day he seemed to have less and less energy, and it took less and less time for him to become exhausted. He had started to become sloppy, getting injured more often than not. He let out a shaky sigh as he turned to face the sink. Naruto almost jumped when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He had dark bags under his eyes that were accentuated by the pale sheen of his skin and he could see his ribs beginning to poke out. He frowned at himself, looking away with shame. Naruto discarded his shirt into the corner and pulled on his fresh one, zippering his jacket slowly. As he bent down to pull up his pants a sudden wave of dizziness threatened to knock him on his ass so he quickly leaned against the wall and slid down, allowing his head to rest on his knees. He took a few shuddering breaths, trying to steady the clenching pain in his stomach. 'Useless. Dirty. Unclean. Monster,' the voice in his head teased, sending his heart rate skyrocketing. Naruto bit his lip in an attempt to stop the tears. He was sick and weak. Usually he could keep the intrusive thoughts in his head at bay, but in his weakened state he was having a hard time suppressing them. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled himself up using the bathroom counter, turning on the cold tap. He splashed his face with water, allowing his mask to slip back on, cementing his mental walls firmly in place.

While Naruto was in the bathroom Jiraiya took a moment to do a more thorough search of the room. He couldn't find any evidence of food wrappers or take out boxes, but he tried to humor himself by thinking that his student was just eating out a lot. The scrolls spread across the floor detailed some advanced techniques; additional chakra natures and expert chakra control. Techniques Naruto should have waited for Jiraiya's help with. The older man frowned as his eyes slid over the sake bottle. He quietly picked up the bottle and gave it a gentle shake; empty. As he stood in the empty room curiosity got the better of him. He sneakily padded over to the bathroom door, hovering his ear against the cool painted wood. At first he only heard silence, but suddenly he heard short, shallow, uneven breaths followed by what sounded like a choked off sob. Jiraiya's heart jumped into his throat and he raised his hand to knock on the door to check on Naruto. Just as his knuckles were about to rap against the door he heard the sink turn on. He leapt back from the door in time for it to swing open, having just enough time to spin on his heels and act as if he was thumbing over a scroll.

Naruto glared at Jiraiya suspiciously before slipping on his sandals.

"Alright, kid, lets go," Jiraiya swung the door open and held it for Naruto as he exited. Naruto looked up at his teacher and gave him one of his trademark boyish grins. Jiraiya felt taken aback about the fact that Naruto was able to hide his emotions as well as he could; after he cleaned himself up he almost looked normal, if not for his puffy eyes and lean physique. Normally he'd brush that off as a long night of training, but today, this time, he knew that thinking that would be wrong. Something was up, and he wasn't going to give up until he got to the bottom of it.

———————

Lunch was uneventful. Naruto tried to act normal but with his watchful eye Jiraiya noticed him expertly pushing his food around on his plate to make it look like he'd eaten most of it. 'How often has he done that without me realizing?' the guilt and worry were eating away at him inside, 'and when did I start to care so much?' So lost in his deep introspection Jiraiya didn't notice Naruto sneaking into the bathroom until a few moments had passed. Naruto's plate was already gone and his utensils sat neatly on his folded napkin. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes and waited a minute before trailing him, trying to be sleek. He pushed the door open slowly and was greeted by the sound of Naruto coughing; a dry, deep nagging cough that sounded painful.

"You alright in there?" Jiraiya asked from outside the stall, trying to hide the concern in his voice.

Naruto cleared his throat and forced out a nonchalant laugh, "y-yeah, just allergies! You know me, sensei, nothing can keep me down for long."

He flushed the toilet and staggered out of the stall, joining Jiraiya at the sinks as they both washed their hands. As much as he wanted to take the kid back to their room and drill him about his odd behavior, he wanted to give Naruto a chance to come to him on his own. He didn't want to pry; in reality it was none of his business. He was Naruto's teacher, not his dad and not his best friend. But something about this was different and Jiraiya couldn't quite place his finger on it; all he knew was that the sudden concern he had for Naruto made him unseasy. He wasn't one to invest so much into his student's personal lives, let alone their mental health. But the alarm bells were going off in his head and he couldn't quiet them. He needed to get to the bottom of this; whether Naruto wanted to do this the easy way or the hard way was up to him.

"Lets get a move on! We only have so much sunlight left," Jiraiya placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder as they headed towards their training spot.

———————

Naruto had certainly been training hard. By the amount of fallen trees, scuff marks, and rasengan impact points in the area Naruto had certainly been training hard in Jiraiya's absence.

"Been busy I see! Happy to see you haven't just been slacking off while I've been away," he jokingly elbowed Naruto in the ribs, gauging his reaction.

Naruto winced but tried to play it off as a chuckle, "well yeah sensei, I couldn't just sit around waiting for you to get back. Besides, I'm used to training alone since you seem to have little interest in helping me train anyway!" he glared up at his teacher with a smirk on his face, "plus, Ero-sennin, I've been doing just fine without you!"

It was Jiraiya's turn to glare at Naruto, "I thought I told you not to call me that. And I'm here now, aren't I? So show me what you've been working so hard on." Jiraiya dropped his pack onto the ground by a tree and rolled up his sleeves. He needed to feel for himself just where Naruto's skills had increased to, and what a better way to do that than sparing?

Naruto rolled his eyes as he jumped into position, "you sure you really want that old man? I don't want to hurt you," he giggled childishly, reaching into his pouch for a kunai.

"Just come at me," Jiraiya chided, watching for Naruto's move, his patience wearing thin.

As usual Naruto didn't try to make a calculated move, he ran straight for Jiraiya while pulling the kunai from his pouch, throwing the knife as a distraction while raising his leg for a kick. Jiraiya easily dodged the kunai and grabbed his foot, giving it a light twist to throw off Naruto's center of gravity. He noted the ease at which he was able to dodge him and throw him off balance, something which was usually quite hard with Naruto. The twisting of his leg made Naruto divert his attention, but he took advantage of the movement by reaching out his hands towards the ground. He used his palms to redirect his energy, pushing up off the ground and aiming a kick straight at the back of Jiraiya's head. Jiraiya bent forward a bit, causing Naruto's foot to just barely graze his mane of silvery hair, and he reached out his arm and gently pushed Naruto's hip while he was still upside down trying to regain his footing. The move made Naruto stumble a bit, giving Jiraiya time to spin around and grab his student by both arms, getting him in a headlock.

"C'mon kid, is this really the best you got? If this is how you've been training then I really haven't been missing much," he teased, trying to rile his student up enough to bring out the fight in him. That pissed Naruto off. The first time his sensei comes to watch him train in weeks and this was the best he could do? The pain in his head slowed him down and made him see double, while the unending stomach cramps made it difficult for him to stand up straight.

He took a moment to catch his breath and will his stomach to settle. He smirked, "I was just warming up!" Naruto jumped back and prepared his hand signs.

"Shadow clone jutsu!" he called out, spawning ten clones of himself. A few ran forward to engage Jiraiya in combat while he hung back with the rest, preparing a rasengan. He focused his chakra on his palm, finding it exceedingly difficult to draw enough out to make an adequately sized ball. The change in chakra form was enough to almost completely exhaust him. The feeling of disappointment rose up and crashed over him in waves. Talentless. A waste of space. A waste of air. A waste of life. He growled and sprung into action, launching himself into the air to gain some speed and momentum. "Rasengan!" he snarled, aiming straight for Jiraiya who was able to easily dodge Naruto's attack. Naruto landed on the ground and felt the shock waves of pain ricochet up his arm as his hand collided with the ground, a deep indent scarring the earth. The pain seemed to go straight up to his temples, the dull roar of his headache spiking up to a splitting pain. He winced and rested on his knee for a moment while Jiraiya grinned down at him.

"Come on Naruto, how do you plan to get Sasuke back with that crap? You can't even put a scratch on me! When did you get so weak?"

Weak. The word bounced around his head like a boomerang. You're weak. Naruto's face scrunched up into a sneer. He got up to his feet so quickly that all Jiraiya saw was a blur. The only still image he was able to catch was Naruto's eyes slitting dangerously. In his state Jiraiya knew Naruto couldn't handle a surge of the Fox's chakra - he was trying to avoid hurting the boy but he needed to put a stop to this. Naruto snarled as he launched himself into the air and quickly descended upon Jiraiya, a harsh blow landing across his teacher's face. Jiraiya slid back a few feet and had just enough time to block his head before Naruto landed another blow. Before he could get a defensive hit in of his own Naruto was already spinning around, dodging Jiraiya's first while also aiming a hit of his own at the older man's ribs. Jiraiya jumped up and dipped behind Naruto's back, moving quickly enough to slide Naruto's feet out from under him. The younger man hit the ground with a thud, all the air in his lungs painfully rushing out in a whoosh. He gasped as the pain shot through his body like lightning, setting every nerve ending ablaze. He managed to turn onto his side as he fought to regain the ability to breathe, coughing and spluttering. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes, 'he should have recovered from that by now; I've seen him get flung halfway across a forest and get up as if nothing happened. This isn't good.' He sighed as he reached down to offer Naruto a hand, but quickly jumped back when he saw clawed fingers swat his hand away. 'Shit, the transformation has started, I need to end this before he takes on the Nine Tail's cloak.' Jiraiya balled his hands into fists and watched as Naruto struggled to his feet, pausing for a moment with his hands on his knees.

"You alright over there?" Jiraiya asked cautiously. All he got in response was an animalistic growl, red cat eyes meeting his gaze.

"Stop going easy on me, old man. I'm not a fucking child!" Naruto snapped, jumping into action.

The two spared for a moment, hands and feet flying in a blur. Naruto caught Jiraiya in the jaw, sending his teacher gliding back. Jiraiya spat out blood that was gushing from his bottom lip as he waited for Naruto to make his next move. The boy dashed towards him with a snarl, clawed hand raised and ready to strike. 'This needs to end. Now!' Jiraiya balled his fist and hit Naruto full force in the stomach as soon as he was about to get slashed. The blow sent Naruto flying back, a crack echoing around the clearing as his back connected with a tree. Jiraiya held his position as the dust settled, waving his hand back and forth in front of his face as he attempted to get a glimpse of Naruto. He took a few hasty steps as Naruto's silhouette began to come into his line of vision. He saw Naruto struggling to stand, using the tree trunk to steady himself. Once the dust settled and Jiraiya was able to get a real look at his student he noticed that he was shaking all over, strong tremors rocking his whole body. He back was pressed against the tree and his hands rested on his knees, his face blocked by hair and shadows. His claws and fangs had retracted so Jiraiya felt comfortable getting closer.

"... Naruto?" Jiraiya asked gently once he was about halfway across the clearing. Naruto's face slowly turned up towards his teacher, a stupid grin plastered onto his face, but the tremors revealed his true pain.

"I-I'm fine, sensei; that was a good hit you got in but it won't happen again!" He reached up and brushed a hand through his hair, freezing when his fingers reached the back of his head. Something slick was coating his fingertips; something warm and sticky. Blood. He shakily pulled his hand away from his head and stared at the blood dripping from his fingers, snaking it's way down to his elbow.

"Naruto!" Jiraiya sprang into action as his student's eyes went wide with shock before rolling into the back of his head. He reached his arms out just in time to catch Naruto's limp body before he landed in a heap on the ground.

———————

Inky darkness spread around him, swirling like smoke. He felt the uncomfortably warm waist deep water surrounding him; caressing his skin, it's putrid odor making his stomach turn. Somewhere close behind him he heard an insidious chuckle and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. 

'Weak. You're still so weak,' the voice boomed. Naruto shuttered as a rotting smell reached him; a smell of death and decay. The air was thick with it, assaulting his nostrils whenever the voice spoke. 'You're pathetic. Why do you even try? Just give up. Give in to me. I can make you strong.' A cold chill ran up his spine as he pushed himself up onto unsteady feet. He looked around frightfully as he tried to get his bearings. He reached his hands up to try to wipe the sweat off his forehead but somehow it made his skin feel slicker, stickier, warm... Naruto looked down at his hands and gasped, falling backwards into the water as he realized his hands were covered in blood. He desperately tried to scrub the blood off his hands as another snicker exploded into his eardrums, 'see what you've done? See what you've become? You're a monster, whether you give in to me or not. I will overcome you. I will wipe out your village; I'll kill each and every friend you've ever known while wearing your face. You'll feel their bones break beneath your fingers. You'll taste their blood.'  Images of death and chaos flashed before his eyes; The Hidden Leaf Village burning to the ground, all of his friend's bodies scatted over rubble, Kakashi's decapitated head on a stake. Naruto sobbed and squeezed his palms onto his eyes.

"No! That won't happen! I won't let you!" he cried, whipping his head back and forth trying to find the source of the voice. Finally he saw an ominous crimson smoke billowing from the darkness, a pair of gigantic red eyes peering at him from the void. The voice laughed heartily, causing the walls and ground to shake. 'Don't you see, you stupid boy, you already have.' Naruto plunged his hands back into the water, struggling to see through the tears in his eyes.The blood wouldn't budge; each time he tried to wash it off it just grew and multiplied, coating his arms up to the elbows. And then he saw it; the water he was sitting in was a river of blood. Fresh and hot. Naruto sobbed, broken in half and hollow. 'Why am I alive?'

'Naruto. Naruto!' A voice was calling out to him from the darkness, a pinprick of light appearing above him. He stood, wanting to reach out and grab it, follow it out of this Hell. But he couldn't move, those eyes had him paralyzed. 'Naruto!' The voice called out again as the beam of light grew. Naruto reached up his hands, jumping into the beam of light and letting it envelop him. The ominous voice screeched ferociously and Naruto felt a clawed hand try to grab him, but the darkness was already receding and he was pulled fully into the light.

———————

Naruto awoke from his nightmare, colors and sounds rushing back to him in a blur. He felt hands on his face, rough and calloused, pushing back his hair and gently slapping his cheek.

"Fuck, you're burning up!" a voice growled as he felt his body being shaken. "Naruto, wake the fuck up!" the familiar voice barked. Naruto seemed to come back down into reality as he heard his name. The voice was Jiraiya sensei! A sick groan escaped Naruto's lips as he attempted to roll on his side, but he found himself firmly held in Jiraiya's lap. "Naruto! Stay with me now," Jiraiya exclaimed, his forehead creased and his mouth pressed into a thin line. Naruto went to rub his eyes but caught a whiff of something metallic - blood! His eyes flew open and he stared at the blood coating his hand. He wriggled free from Jiraiya's grasp just in time to roll to his side off his lap, landing on the ground hard, a pain surging through his chest from the impact. His fingers clenched into the dirt as he gagged, a rush of stomach acid burning his throat. A wave of vomit splashed onto the ground as Naruto choked and retched, involuntary tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. Suddenly he felt a hand on his back, rubbing in circles. 

Jiraiya helped Naruto to his knees so he wasn't laying in a puddle of his own vomit, leaving a strong hand on the boy's shoulder to help hold him steady. Naruto hissed in pain as his body betrayed him, spluttering and heaving over the ground as his stomach refused to settle. He coughed up a dribble of bile, a long string of saliva hanging from his lips. Jiraiya pushed back Naruto's hair, hushing him and gently whispering reassurances and encouragement; you're good, I've got you, I'm so sorry. Jiraiya's heart broke in two as he watched his student struggling. The back of  his head was coated in blood and dirt, 'because of me,' and Naruto was puking in a field - 'even though I knew something was up and decided to push him to his limits instead of forcing him to take it easy,'  Jiraiya thought to himself bitterly. He wasn't used to the feelings he was feeling. He wasn't sure if he should stick to his old ways or model and change his tactics to Naruto's needs... to his own needs. He felt Naruto's breathing change below his grip; quick and unsteady, gasping, hyperventilating. He gripped Naruto's shoulder and smoothed the boy's hair back. "Breathe, kid, you need to breathe. Steady, now. You're okay. I'm here," Jiraiya murmured, letting his fingers linger over the back of Naruto's head, trying to gauge how bad his injury was.

The gash was deep with ragged edges but the bone was undisturbed. Naruto dry heaved one last time before sliding his feet underneath him, settling his ass on the ground, arms cradling his head against his knees. He broke down into tears, gasping for breath between sobs, his chest clenched tight. "It's all my fault!" he finally managed to choke out. Jiraiya scrunched his eyebrows together and reached out to wrap an arm around Naruto's shoulders, but the boy quickly flinched away. His head whipped up as he held an arm in front of him, "g-get away from me! I-I'll only hurt you!" he sobbed, delirious with fever.

"Naruto... what are you talking about?" the older man murmured as he tried to approach Naruto again, letting a hand rest on the boy's knee.

Naruto hiccuped and coughed, shrinking away from Jiraiya's touch, tears streaking his face. "Their blood," Naruto cried, holding up his hands as if to prove his point, "the blood of The Village is on my hands. I'm a monster - there's a monster inside me. If you don't get away - i-if you stay here... I'll kill you." Naruto pitched forward involuntarily as his stomach clenched, forcing up a painful dry cough. He struggled as he dry heaved repeatedly, his entire body shaking violently.

"Easy, easy..." Jiraiya soothed, slipping behind Naruto and placing a hand on his back, rubbing in light circles. Naruto's body was utterly exhausted; nothing left to throw up and no energy to resist the unending sickness in his stomach. Once he was done Jiraiya pulled the boy closer to him to examine his wound. His powers of healing were rudimentary, but he had picked up a few pointers from Tsunade over the years. He concentrated his chakra and held his hand over Naruto's wound. The healing was slow and painful, the Fox clearly wasn't even attempting to heal Naruto this time around. 'That explains why he's so sick. In all my years of training with Naruto I've never seen him have more than a slight sniffle. The Fox isn't healing him; whether he's unable to or just rebelling is something I'll need to figure out,'  he thought to himself as Naruto's gash finally started to knit back together.

The boy sat in his lap, sniffling and coughing, shaking miserably from the pain coursing through his body. As soon as the cut was healed Naruto slumped backwards into Jiraiya's chest. Jiraiya sighed and scooted Naruto fully into his lap, using his sleeve to wipe off his face. A move like that would usually have Naruto calling him a pervert, but for now it brought him comfort. Naruto's hands clutched onto the front of Jiraiya's vestments, snuggling his face into the fabric. 'He must be sick to be acting like this,' he frowned, sighing as he began to push himself up, cradling Naruto to his chest. The sudden movement made it feel like he had the spins, wincing as he squeezed his eyes tight. "Just hang on," Jiraiya adjusted the heap of a boy in his arms before leaping off into action, rushing them back to their room.

———————

Jiraiya placed Naruto onto the couch, keeping one hand firmly planted on his student’s shoulder so he wouldn’t fall over. Naruto was slipping in and out of consciousness; his high fever intermingling with his concussion, creating a deadly combination. Jiraiya unzipped Naruto’s jacket and gently slid the sleeves over his shoulders and down his arms. He slid his pants down and then removed his undershirt, leaves his boxers for dignity’s sake.

“Alright, up ya go,” he muttered as he picked Naruto up from under his arms, carrying him into the bathroom so he could get him in a cool bath. Even without being a medical ninja Jiraiya could tell Naruto's fever was reaching the danger zone. He flipped on the taps and then settled onto the floor, cradling Naruto’s broken frame in his hands. Other than his blatant sickness and concussion Jiraiya was able to detect multiple cracked ribs in various states of repair, multiple strained muscles, a snapped ligament in his left knee, and a litany of bruises and cuts. How Naruto even managed to pull himself out of bed that morning was a miracle.

Once the tub was full Jiraiya turned off the taps and gently placed Naruto into the tub. As soon as he was in the water his eyes flashed open.

“C-cold! L-let me out of here!” he struggled to get out of the tub but was too weak to put up much of a fight. Jiraiya grabbed both of Naruto’s wrists and tried to hold them down, so Naruto used his feet as leverage to try to slide out of the tub.

“Damn it Naruto, stay still! If I don’t cool you down your brain’s gonna fry!” Jiraiya exclaimed, struggling against Naruto’s constant wriggling. Finally he heaved a sigh, “shit, you owe me one, kid,” he glared at the boy as he stood up and stepped into the tub, a quick shiver making its way up his spine as the lower part of his pants got soaked. He slid down into the lukewarm water, wrapping his arms around Naruto’s chest, forcing the boy’s arms still as he straddled his back to keep him from bucking out of the tub. For a moment he just held him, waiting for the harsh shivers to stop shaking Naruto’s thin frame, and especially for him to stop resisting.

As soon as Naruto relaxed Jiraiya took the washcloth from the towel rack and wet it, squeezing out the excess water. He wiped the dirt and blood off of Naruto’s body and neck, pressing gently as to avoid hurting him (even more than he already had). Naruto’s head lolled back into the crook of Jiraiya’s neck, snuggling his face into the crazy mane of silvery hair, seeking warmth. Once Jiraiya was done with the washcloth he rinsed it, squeezed it, and folded it in half, laying it over Naruto’s forehead and eyes. Jiraiya grabbed a cup from the side of the tub and filled it with water before dumping it over Naruto’s hair, gently massaging the dried blood and dirt from it. As he massaged his scalp he couldn’t help but notice Naruto’s toes curling, a barely audible moan deep in his throat. The older man couldn’t help but chuckle lightly.

“You’re never gonna live this down, and you’re never gonna call me a pervert again,” he smiled to himself as he washed the last of the blood away. It was the first time in weeks that he’d seen Naruto actually relaxed and he felt guilty taking it away so soon, especially after he’d injured him so badly, so he kept massaging his scalp. He grabbed the shampoo from the rack above him and squirted some into his hand before lathering it in Naruto’s honey yellow hair. He noticed Naruto begin to shake again and he stopped, reaching to grab for the cup so he could wash the shampoo away and get them into some warm, dry clothes.

But as Naruto spoke he froze in place; “p-please don’t stop.” He wasn’t shivering, he was crying. Naruto had never been shown this amount of affection. He didn’t have parents to take care of him as a child, having to rely on trial and error, mostly error at that. The most he’d get was a side hug from Sakura every now and then, a ruffle of his hair from Kakashi, maybe an arm around his shoulder. Whenever he was injured or sick he’d be healed and that would be the end of it - once his physical problems were gone no one was there to clean up the rest of the mess; no one to comfort him or make sure he was coping well. He was always the one being relied on for the comforting. It was taxing, Naruto constantly was the one who needed to swoop in and save the day. No one ever considered that he was the one breaking apart and needed saving. To be honest, Naruto had never felt this sort of closeness with someone; he’d barely had any physical interactions with people period.

Jiraiya frowned deeply, his heart breaking for the boy. “I won’t,” he whispered, continuing to rub the shampoo gently into Naruto’s scalp. Naruto tried to pull himself together as his fever broke and he was pulled back down into consciousness, but he was overwhelmed with anxiety and gratitude. No one had even attempted to show him this amount of kindness. It had been so long since he’d even imagined being this close with someone; he’d blocked even the possibility of feeling this way out of his mind. Now that it was actually happening he was stuck in a stunned stupor, not even attempting to fight back the tears on his cheeks. He wanted to thank Jiraiya but a part of him was terrified that speaking would break the spell; that Jiraiya would realize what he was doing, who he was doing it to, and leave him again just like all those months ago after their first training session when he wouldn’t even give Naruto the time of day. So much had changed since then. No matter how much he felt like he pushed himself he felt like he’d just wind up taking two steps back. He perfected the rasenshuriken and then had it banned from his repertoire due to the collateral damage. He was quickly running out of time to get Sasuke back, only a few months remaining until they’d set out again, and he couldn’t even look himself in the mirror. He knew he’d fail. Jiraiya must have known too considering the fact he wouldn’t even be in the same room as him.

Jiraiya rinsed Naruto’s hair and placed the cup on the floor, pausing for a second as he waited for Naruto to move. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. This might be the last time he’d feel like this again. At that thought Naruto broke. He ripped the washcloth off his face and replaced it with his hands, sitting up in the tub in a feeble attempt to distance himself from Jiraiya. He couldn’t handle being rejected again so he figured it would hurt less if he did the rejecting. But he was too weak to run and his attempt to get up ended in him slipping back down into Jiraiya’s strong hands.

“Naruto, stop,” he demanded a bit harder than he meant to, “you’re going to get hurt,” he added more gently, getting a grip on Naruto’s upper arms to hold him firmly in place. Naruto gave up his struggle and pressed his palms into his eye sockets.

“It already does hurt,” he cried, allowing himself to collapse upon Jiraiya’s chest. Jiraiya stayed silent for a moment, letting Naruto cry, fighting the urge to soothe him because he needed the kid to talk. He could feel how tense he was, it hung in the air like an all consuming smoke.

“You need to talk to me, I need to know what’s going on,” Jiraiya pressed, hugging the boy close to him. It took Naruto a minute to regain his composure.

“I-I can’t, you’ll just leave... You’ll just leave like everyone else...”

“I’m not going anywhere. But we do need to get out of this tub. I’m turning into a prune,” he joked, trying to lighten the tension.

Jiraiya helped Naruto up, wrapping a towel around his shoulders before guiding him back into their room, sitting him on the couch as he went to retrieve their clothes. They both dressed in silence - Jiraiya contemplating his next move as Naruto just wished he could disappear; get as far away as he could before he was rejected. Naruto sat on the couch sniffling, trying to ignore the pain exploding in his temples, exacerbated by his stuffy nose and tears. Jiraiya grabbed the blanket from his futon before wrapping it around Naruto’s shoulders.

“You’re my comrade; we eat together, fight together, live together, train together... I need to know what’s going on with you. You need to let me help you,” Jiraiya took a seat next to Naruto, staring at him patiently. Naruto just shook his head, hiding himself beneath the covers. He couldn’t face him; not while he was bearing his soul.

“If I’m honest you’ll just leave... N-no, you’ll leave regardless... just like everyone else. I’ll serve whatever purpose you have for me, and then I’ll be discarded with all the other things that have lose their usefulness,” he started, “I’m just a tool. Just a stepping stone in everyone’s journey. Once I serve my purpose I’m thrown aside. I save the girl, then she’s gone. I train with Sasuke and then he leaves to pursue power I can’t offer. I make promises and can’t keep them,” Naruto cried, shoulders shaking, stomach twisting into knots. "I-I'm a monster, people just use me for the power that I have and then they leave. I'm disgusting. A reminder of a past that everyone just wants to forget. A reminder of death," Naruto felt anger starting to bubble up in his chest. "I took so much from everyone... from you... the Fourth Hokage... All I do is cause pain... I shouldn't be alive," the last part of his sentence was said in a whisper so quiet that it was barely audible, but Jiraiya felt as if it was screamed directly into his ears.

"Don't say that. That isn't true. You aren't a monster. And you didn't take anything from anyone. You saved the village. The Fourth Hokage did what he needed to do to protect the Village and he was damn proud to do it. Don't tarnish his name by saying that he was murdered; he sacrificed himself to save his people. To save you also, Naruto," Jiraiya clapped a hand down on Naruto's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "Fuck what anyone else says, what anyone else does, I need you and that isn't going to change. I need you to be alive. You're my student and I'm going to protect you with both arms. I'm not going anywhere, and that's a promise. You're the strongest, hardest working, most incredible shinobi I have ever had the honor to train. Even stronger than the Fourth," Jiraiya tried to get a peek at Naruto's face but he was so tightly wound up in the blankets that all he could see was yellow hair. "Fuck those girls, fuck Sakura, fuck the Village, and honestly, fuck Sasuke," Jiraiya spat angerly, "what matters is you. You're incredible, and you're going to be hokage one say. I swear on my life. I will help you reach that dream. You aren't a tool and you aren't worthless. The village needs you. I need you," Jiraiya started to pull the blankets away. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised, finally finding Naruto's face among the duvet. Naruto looked up at him with his tear stained face, all puffy and red, but he could see the hope glimmering in his eyes for the first time in weeks. Naruto couldn't find the words to speak, he just threw his arms around Jiraiya's neck and allowed his teacher to hold him as he cried, short bursts of anguish and anxiety purging from his body. He sniffled weakly as the tears finally stopped, allowing himself to rest against Jiraiya. He wouldn't admit it, but Jiraiya's arms felt safe - they felt right.  He didn't want to move, not yet. He needed to relish this moment as long as he could because he knew he'd likely never feel this safe again.

Jiraiya just sat there, thoughts zipping through his mind too quickly to really hold on to any of them. He'd never let anyone bring out this side of him, let alone one of his students. Not even his old girlfriends had seen this side of him. But something about Naruto was different, especially when he was in such a state. For someone so optimistic and strong to fall this hard, something must seriously be wrong and it broke Jiraiya's heart. He needed to do whatever he could to help Naruto. He wasn't surprised that he'd pushed himself hard enough to break his own ribs, but he'd never expect a mental breakdown of this magnitude. However, with the way Naruto had been treated his whole life, he knew it shouldn't have come as a surprise. He knew he should have been helping him train mentally as well as physically, and he cursed himself for not noticing the signs sooner. 'And now he wants to die,' he thought to himself bitterly, subconsciously gripping the boy to him even harder. 'That won't happen, not to him, not while I'm around,' Jiraiya promised himself, allowing his eyes to close for some much needed rest.

They sat that way for a while before Naruto started to stir, swinging his legs over the side of the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. Suddenly he groaned, shivers traveling along his spine, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck.

"Naruto...? You alright, kiddo?" Jiraiya asked lightly, placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto groaned again, an arm wrapping around his abdomen defensively.

"I-I’m so nauseous," he choked out, wincing as his stomach felt like it was being stabbed by white hot stakes. Naruto had never really been sick like this due to the Nine Tailed Fox's healing abilities, so he wasn't coping well. The pounding pain in his head was blinding and he didn't know how to handle it, his stomach joining the revolt. He didn't know how to ease the pain, how to help himself to make it end. Naruto fought back the tears forming in his eyes, astonished that he even had any tears left to cry. Another searing cramp shot through his stomach and he gasped, bending forward into his knees over the edge of the couch to try to subdue the pain.

"It's alright, I've gotcha," Jiraiya soothed, gently rubbing Naruto's back.

"M-Make it go away," Naruto cried, fingernails digging into his side, trying to claw the pain away.

"I would if I could, kid. You just need to ride it out. I'll get you some water," Jiraiya offered, getting up from the couch to fill a glass with water from the bathroom tap. Naruto took the glass from his hand but just held it for a moment, contemplating.

"If I drink it I'll just throw up again," he muttered.

Jiraiya frowned and sighed, "that may be true but you need to try. You're definitely dehydrated and that'll make the pain worse," he plopped back down on the couch beside Naruto. The boy eyed the water suspiciously before taking a small sip. The water soothed his abused, dry throat and he started chugging large mouthfuls. "Not too much!" Jiraiya exclaimed, grabbing the cup from Naruto before he downed the whole thing. Naruto jumped a bit when Jiraiya took the cup from him, but he quickly understood what he meant. He felt the water flow into his empty stomach which promptly clenched, sending a torrent of pain through is abdomen. Naruto winced, folding back down into his knees in an attempt to squeeze the pain away. "Told ya," Jiraiya said sadly, pulling the blanket up around Naruto's shoulders to try to ease his shaking. Naruto felt a cold sweat breaking out over his body, his mouth filling with saliva.

“Ugh, I’m gonna puke,” a hand flew to his mouth before he gagged emptily over the ground between his knees.

“Shit,” Jiraiya sprung into action, grabbing the metal garbage can in the corner of the room with lightning speed, shoving it into Naruto’s hands as he dry heaved. Naruto swallowed compulsively, fighting the bile attempting to crawl up his throat. He groaned sickly, trying to avoid the unavoidable. “Don’t fight it, you’ll only make it worse,” Jiraiya coached, “just let it out.” Naruto coughed and gagged, holding the can in a death grip as a stream of water and bile splashed into the can, the unmistakable sound of liquid hitting metal. “There ya go, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya soothed, brushing Naruto’s hair out of his eyes. Naruto’s stomach kept twisting, seemingly unending dry heaves wracking his body. He retched before burping up another wave of water, gasping for air between gags. Jiraiya waited a few moments for Naruto to calm down before reaching out for the can, “think you’re done?” Naruto spit into the can and then reached up and wiped his face on his sleeve, sniffling miserably.

“N-No,” he choked out before retching painfully.

“You’re all cleaned out, there’s nothing left. Sitting over it won’t help; I’ll wash this out, the smell is definitely not helping,” Jiraiya stated as he took the can from Naruto, carrying it into the bathroom. He emptied the can into the toilet and then washed it out in the sink. He reached for a washcloth and wet it with cool water, squeezing out the excess water so it wouldn’t drip. He placed the can next to Naruto on the couch just in case he needed it again and took back his spot on the couch. Jiraiya pushed Naruto’s hair off his forehead, sticky with sweat, and placed the washcloth on his fever-hot skin. Naruto signed in relief, allowing himself to sink into Jiraiya’s lap as he tried to rest his exhausted body. Naruto fell asleep in Jiraiya's arms, nestled in his lap on the couch. 

Jiraiya held Naruto for an hour, trying to last as long as he could before his shoulders ached and his legs were cramping. His body was begging to move but he didn't want to disturb Naruto. He held his breathe as he started to lift himself up off the couch, sliding the boy onto the cushions. Thankfully Naruto didn't wake up and he was able to replace his lap with a pillow. Jiraiya sighed as he made his way over to his futon, grabbing the blanket from Naruto's half of the room as the boy was currently cuddled up with his. He laid down and began to let his mind wander. The way that Naruto was talking shook him to his core. The last person he knew who was talking like that wound up sacrificing themselves on a mission. 'Over my dead body,' Jiraiya hissed to himself, squeezing his eyes shut to try to make the thoughts stop. 'I need to do something about this, I need to help him.' With that he started drifting into a dreamless sleep.

———————

Jiraiya woke up some time later with a start, his eyes snapping open as some unknown noise awoke him. Something was wrong, alarm bells were going off in his head. He laid silently as he scanned the room for any danger. They were still alone but something was clearly amiss. “Naruto...?” he whispered sleepily as he glanced at the couch he’d left the younger man on; it was empty and the blanket and pillow were gone. He looked to Naruto’s futon and saw that empty as well. Instantly on high alert Jiraiya jumped up, prepared to put his shoes on to go looking for the boy. Just as he was about to throw his scroll onto his back he noticed the shine of light under the bathroom door. He padded over to the door silently, gently knocking against the wood. All he got in return was a series of violent dry coughs; deep and hacking, tearing and searing. “I’m coming in,” he announced as he turned the knob, taking in the scene in front of him. 

Naruto had made a makeshift bed on the bathroom floor, his pillow and blanket sitting on a few laid out towels. Naruto was on the ground in front of the toilet - his legs were bent on either side of him, sitting on his feet for leverage, one arm draped over the toilet seat as the other clutched his stomach. His head hung over the bowl as he struggled, so exhausted he could barely hold himself up. Jiraiya’s heart jumped into his throat as he stared down at the boy, wishing he could take away his pain. Just then Naruto let out a choked off sob, grimacing as a tearing pain ripped across his abdomen. He subconsciously pressed down a hand over the pain, crying out as the pain increased. Red flags were waving in front of Jiraiya’s eyes; ‘a regular upset stomach shouldn’t be this painful. I’ve seen him break almost every bone in his body and still pull himself up, this isn’t right.’  Naruto glanced up at Jiraiya, his big deep blue eyes were glassy and filled with tears, his pupils slit like cat eyes, desperation obvious on his face as he clenched his fanged teeth. ‘The Fox is clearly trying to heal him but it doesn’t seem to be working, this isn’t good,’ Jiraiya thought as he knelt down next to Naruto, one hand pressing back the sweaty hair on his forehead to gauge his fever as the other went to his stomach. As soon as his fingers pressed down on Naruto’s stomach the boy cried out in pain, rolling up onto his side to escape Jiraiya’s hand.

”Where does it hurt?” Jiraiya pried, letting his hand linger over Naruto’s too hot forehead, trying to comfort him however he could. Naruto groaned, struggling to straighten out his legs, his hand lingering over his left side.

“M-My stomach,” he hissed.

Jiraiya’s brows furrowed as he examined Naruto, concentrating chakra in his palm to prepare his basic medical ninjutsu, “that’s not your stomach, that’s your rib cage.”  Jiraiya hovered his hand over the lower left side of Naruto’s ribs, quickly pulling his hand back. ‘All that coughing and puking must have disturbed his healing ribs; the bone is fractured and piercing his stomach,’ he thought to himself, the situation instantly becoming dire. “Naruto, this is going to hurt like a bitch. Please try to stay still, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya murmured, concentrating his chakra to his hand again. His medical ninjutsu skills weren’t advanced enough to fix all of the damage that had been done but he could at least try to correct the bone fragment piercing Naruto’s stomach. As soon as he laid his hand down on Naruto’s rib the younger man yelped in pain, shaking violently as he tried to restrain from moving away from Jiraiya’s hand. Jiraiya cursed to himself as he healed Naruto; it was taking way too long. Normally it would take only a few quick moments to heal Naruto due to his natural healing abilities but now he was healing even slower than the usual person would, slower even than a person without any chakra control at all. “I’m so sorry, Naruto, just a little longer,” he promised, gripping his free hand down on Naruto’s shoulder to try to help hold him still. The pain was blinding, like his ribs were being shattered with a hammer as his stomach twisted into knots, it felt like his entire abdomen was being filled with liquid fire. ‘The bone is back in place and the hole is closed but I can’t do more. The bone is still broken and I can’t heal viral illness or heal the damage that has been done to his stomach other than repairing the tear, he’ll need to heal in his own time,’ Jiraiya sighed with exasperation as he pulled his hand away.

As soon as Jiraiya removed his hand Naruto quickly shot up from his spot on the floor, grabbing the toilet seat with both hands. He retched violently and then followed it up with a painful fit of coughing. His stomach rebelled and clenched, forcing Naruto to gag up a dribble of bile. He sobbed silently as he clung onto the toilet seat, waiting for the next round of dry heaving. Jiraiya stood and grabbed a cup from the counter, filling it with cool water from the sink. He knelt down next to Naruto, placing the cup beside him as Naruto got sick. He rubbed the boys back gently. “I know you’re going to hate me for this, but you need to drink this water. It’ll hurt less to have water in your stomach when you get sick rather than  leaving your stomach empty. You’re going to hurt your ribs,” Jiraiya said seriously, picking up the glass and holding it out for Naruto. The boy reached out a trembling hand, carefully taking the glass. He held it to his lips and slowly took a few sips before setting it down on the floor. He laid his head down on his arm over the toilet seat, waiting for the inevitable. His body allowed him to have a few moments to rest before it forced him to pitch forward, violently vomiting up the water. “You’re okay, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya encouraged for the nth time. Naruto coughed and retched miserably, feeling like his stomach was being torn to shreds, a string of saliva clinging to his lips. He heaved forward as another rush of liquid splashed into the toilet. Naruto coughed harshly as the heaving started to ebb. He spit into the bowl and then reached up to wipe off his mouth and stared at his sleeve with shock; blood. “Fuck,” Jiraiya spat out as he glanced between the blood on Naruto’s sleeve and the bright crimson liquid in the bowl.

Naruto stared at his sleeve, unable to move his gaze, his eyes frozen wide. “Naruto? You with me?” Jiraiya asked at the boys sudden silence.

Blood. Blood on his hands. Everyone’s blood on his hands. All the people he couldn’t save, all the people he lost, all the people he killed. Visions of death and destruction flashed before his eyes; the Nine Tailed Fox taking over his body, absolute chaos, killing everyone he had ever cared about, chewing on a dismembered arm. Naruto screamed, hyperventilating, eyes wide with panic. Everything went red, drowning in the metallic liquid.

———————

The next thing he knew he was laying on his futon, a cool washcloth over his forehead and eyes. He groaned as he reached up to remove the cloth from his head but his hand was quickly swatted away. He shifted the cloth higher up so he could see, immediately coming face to face with Jiraiya who was sitting on his bedside. “You scared me there, kid,” he forced a smile, “you had internal bleeding from your rib piercing your stomach. I’ve fixed you up as best as I could but you need to stop puking so much; you’re gonna kill yourself!” Jiraiya tried to lighten the mood with a joke, but Naruto didn’t find it funny. He winced as he rolled onto his side away from Jiraiya.

“Yeah I wish,” he muttered, closing his eyes, wishing himself asleep.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jiraiya spat, gripping Naruto’s upper arm and forcing him to face him.

Naruto looked down ashamedly, “nothing. Just forget it, it doesn’t matter...” he whispered, ripping his arm out of Jiraiya’s grasp.

“What are you talking about? Of course it matters. We’re going to talk about this. Now,” Jiraiya demanded, moving to the other side of Naruto’s bed to force the boy to face him.

Naruto sat up with a wince, “no, it doesn’t matter. What do you care? All you care about is me doing my job. Well I’m done doing what other people want me to do. Just leave me alone,” he hissed, wrapping his arms around himself defensively.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Why do I care? Why do I care?!” he said harshly, anger boiling inside of his chest. “If I didn’t care would I have been sitting here all day playing nurse? Does that seem like a role I’d usually play? I’ve been up here all day taking care of your sorry ass. Look at the position you’ve put yourself into; you need to take better care of yourself. You need to get your shit together. After everything we’ve worked so hard on you want to just give up? Throw everything away?” Jiraiya noticed his voice rising but he was too angry to control it. “And what about Sasuke? Let me guess, fuck that too, right? The Akatsuki? You’re just going to ignore them and let them take all the other Jinchuriki? Like Gaara? You’re just gonna drop everything so you can wallow in your shit? Not gonna happen. Not while I’m around. When did you get so weak?” Jiraiya hissed, seething with rage.

Naruto laid back down, pulling the covers high up around his neck. “Yeah, fuck Sasuke. Fuck the Akatsuki. Fuck you,” Naruto growled, hiding beneath his covers. Jiraiya couldn’t help but scoff, a sneer spreading across his lips.

“Alright, fuck me. Without me here you’d probably be dead, bleeding out in the bathroom, or puking yourself to death. No rasenshuriken. No sage training. No work on becoming hokage. No nothing,” Jiraiya felt his hackles rising, his hands balled into fists. At this point he was standing, towering over Naruto’s small frame. “What the fuck is wrong with you? What happened? When did you become like this? What happened to that optimistic, energetic, head strong kid I used to know?” Jiraiya asked sadly.

“He grew up,” Naruto stated blankly.

“Yeah well if this is what growing up means to you I don’t like it. Since when have you been fine sitting by as people died? What about Sasuke? You’re just done trying to save him?! You’ll let Orochimaru use him as a vessel?! And what about the Akatsuki!” Jiraiya growled, “and you’re just done with your dreams of becoming hokage? You make me sick.” Jiraiya turned on his heels and plopped onto the couch with a huff, crossing his arms with anger.

“Join the club,” Naruto’s voice was muffled by the blankets. His complete lack of emotion and nonchalance really pissed Jiraiya off. He stood back up, face red with rage.

“I can’t with you. I’m done. I can’t speak to you when you’re like this. I... I just don’t get what happened to you,” Jiraiya scrubbed a hand over his face, preparing to grab his pack and leave the room.

“What happened to me? What happened to me?! What happened is that I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. Why do I need to stop the Akatsuki? Why do I need to save Sasuke? Why do I need to save everyone? Why does no one give a fuck about me - ?” Naruto’s voice cracked as he choked back a sob, curling up under his blanket. He cleared his throat and tried again, “I just... I’m just so tired... I-I can’t do it... I can’t save Sasuke. I can’t stop the Akatsuki. I’m too weak. I’m useless. The Fox... the Fox is just going to wind up taking control of me anyway. He told me - “ Naruto sobbed, sniffling, “he told me he was going to take over my body and kill everyone I’ve ever cared about... he’d kill you while wearing my face, making me watch... he said he’d make me feel your bones crack.” The confession had Jiraiya floored and he felt guilt sweep over his body. “If I d-died... if I died he wouldn’t be able to... it would be on my terms. I can’t deal with the constant nightmares and flashbacks.. I-I can’t do it anymore,” at that Naruto broke, squeezing his eyes closed to try to stop the tears. He quietly sobbed, digging his nails into his palms. He was uncomfortable; he didn’t want to talk about this with anyone. It was his own issues, it no one else’s job to fix him. He didn’t want pity. He’d had enough pity growing up. He just wanted to be left alone. Jiraiya was stuck in a stunned silence; he felt like a complete piece of shit for what he had said. He had no idea how deep the issues went. All he knew was that something had to be done about the Fox. He knew the seal was weakening, but for the Fox to have this much control the seal must have been at its breaking point.

Naruto’s sobs quickly devolved into a round of lung burning coughing, his ribs feeling like they were set ablaze. His hand flew to his mouth as his coughing turned to gagging and Jiraiya quickly crouched beside him, “let me help you,” he urged but Naruto was too upset. Naruto jumped up and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it before falling to his knees in front of the toilet. Jiraiya just sat on the floor stunned, his heart aching and racing. He stood up and followed Naruto to the bathroom, frowning when he found the door locked. He knocked gently, “Naruto, please, let me help you,” Jiraiya urged, talking about both his current illness and also with the torment he was dealing with inside. The only answer he got in return was an awful, painful sounding retch followed by the sound of liquid hitting the bottom of the toilet. “Naruto, if you don’t answer me I’m going to assume you need help and kick this door down,” Jiraiya warned, anxiety spiking high. He heard Naruto sniffling before flushing the toilet.

“J-Just... just l-leave me alone...” Naruto’s voice wavered, unsteady from the tears threatening to stain his cheeks.

“Naruto...” Jiraiya started gently, but he was quickly cut off.

“No! J-Just leave me alone! Just get the fuck out!” he spat angrily before hissing as the pain flared up his side. He scooted backward and leaned against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut against his racing thoughts.

”Fine,” Jiraiya stated, turning on his heels as he reached for his pack and scroll. Just as he was about to leave he heard the bathroom door creak open. He turned around as Naruto stumbled out of the bathroom on shaky legs. He couldn’t hold up his weight anymore so he sunk to the ground, feeling like a helpless child. He stared up at Jiraiya, his face red and his eyes puffy, hair sweaty and disheveled, but all Jiraiya could see was his sad deep blue eyes, making Jiraiya's heart skip a beat. Jiraiya dropped his pack and stood next to Naruto to offer him a hand, but instead Naruto reached out and clung to his shirt.

"P-Please don’t leave me,” Naruto squeaked out, staring up at Jiraiya desperately, “not you too.”

Those eyes staring up at him, so sad and tormented, searching his own for some sense of comfort; craving a connection and love. That was it. That was all it took. Jiraiya knew in that instant that his heart belonged to Naruto. He vowed to himself to never let Naruto hurt like this again. He was going to take care of him regardless of the cost; they would get Sasuke back, they would defeat the Akatsuki, and Naruto would become hokage regardless of the sacrifices he'd have to make along the way. A sad smile spread across Jiraiya’s lips as he hugged the boy to his chest.

“All you had to do was ask.”

Jiraiya took Naruto’s hand and helped him to his feet, guiding him to his mattress. Naruto slid under his covers, shivering violently as he pressed his face into his pillow. He wanted to apologize but he couldn’t muster the words. He felt the mattress dip next to him, turning his face up to see what Jiraiya wanted. Jiraiya slid under the blankets next to Naruto, wrapping his arm around the younger man’s waist. Naruto bit his lip and froze, afraid to move.

”I’m not going anywhere,” Jiraiya whispered into Naruto’s hair, holding him close as they drifted to sleep.

part two.

[quarterfromcanon]

2019 Fic Writing Roundup

I was tagged by my lovely friend @catty-words.

Total 2019 Word Count: 58,159

Total 2019 Hits: Asdfghjkl; Oh gosh, it’s much harder to tell when the work is only on Tumblr!  I’ll tally up the notes from there to get the closest approximation I can. It looks like there are 174 total (a mix of likes and comments) on the pieces that I posted from this past year.

Other 2019 AO3 Stats: N/A, although I did finally join AO3 *this* year, so next time around there’ll actually be things to put here! :)

Total 2018 Word Count: Published? None. I think I might have tried writing a little bit of something for myself somewhere in there, but I didn’t get back to any kind of public fandom writing until 2019.

Total 2018 Hits: None. What a difference a year can make! I look forward to comparing 2019 to whatever’s yet to come in 2020!

Other 2018 AO3 Stats: N/A

links and titles to 2019 works

Oooh, this is actually a good opportunity to list them chronologically rather than in publication sequence. Let me see if I can get them sorted. (If, however, you’d prefer to read them in the order that they were published, you can click here and simply open the installments in reverse, since Tumblr displays things oldest-to-newest.) All of the following were written for the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fandom and feature Heather x Valencia as their central pairing.

1. Barrier  [1,385 words] - Following where we last saw them in 1.09, Josh and his friends continue their beach day now sans Rebecca’s presence. Consequently, Valencia’s critical eye falls on the only other woman in their company - Heather.

2. Unexpected [3,003 words] - The conclusion of 1.18 leaves Valencia with a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. As one of West Covina’s most frequented locales, Home Base is the first place that springs to mind where she might chase away her sorrows (or perhaps just air them out verbally while all other involved parties are away at Jayma’s wedding). Heather finds herself pulled into comfort and commiseration despite her efforts to avoid involvement.

3. Lost Control and Tumbled Overboard Gladly [3,265 words] - Heather goes to her parents’ home for the first holiday visit since moving out on her own. She has her new friend Valencia in tow. Sincere conversation and the rare allowance of vulnerability break down Heather’s walls with an ease that takes her by surprise.

4. Such Sweet Nothing [1,362 words] - Valencia and Heather return to V’s apartment after their Labor Day afternoon of story-swapping and quality time together. Valencia revels in the joyful acquirement of the second gal pal of her adult life. Heather contends with the dawning realization that her interest in Valencia may not be purely for friendship.

5. There’s A Reason Not to Want This (But I Forgot) [2,418 words] - Internet sleuthing with Rebecca pulls Valencia right back into a Josh fixation spiral. Heather must also face some unresolved feelings: namely, a crush now so intense it can no longer be denied.

6. Habits [3,599 words] - The desire to protect Valencia’s heart overrides the instinct to shield her own, and so Heather ends the self-imposed avoidance of her company. She arrives on V’s doorstep with a helpful cover story and some unfortunate news that needs to be broken gently.

7. I Want Not to Want Anything [1,314 words] - Heather Davis gets Santa Ana Winded.

8. Breathless [3,673 words] - A talk with Heather about Rebecca’s impending marriage to Josh leads Valencia to reassess what matters to her. A rosé-fueled jaunt to a local green space gives rise to the persistent inkling that what - or rather who - she really wants may be a lot closer to her than she’s ready to admit.

9. No One’s Really Got It Figured Out Just Yet [3,289 words] - Valencia throws the bachelorette party for Rebecca. Gurl Group antics and H+V flirting tactics set to hits from the mid ’90s and 2000s ensue. 

10. Evading [2,207 words] - In the wake of events from 3.05 and 3.06, Heather and Valencia have a much needed heart-to-heart. They put some important truths into words while treading lightly around a few unspoken facts so delicate they’re best left in the margins.

11. How Long Do You Plan to Keep Me at the Back of Your Mind? [2,442 words] - An evening welcoming Valencia’s girlfriend Beth to be an honorary member of the Gurl Group doesn’t go quite as smoothly as planned when Heather has a difficult time harnessing her lingering feelings.

12. You and Me, Always Between the Lines [1,828 words] - Now that she has spoken with all of her immediate family members and closest friends, Valencia is prepared to announce her first romantic relationship with a woman on social media. In Beth’s absence, she seeks the moral support of her best friend. Heather is readily by her side for this next big step in Valencia’s coming out journey.

13. Gradation [2,503 words] - Valencia’s time with Beth is at an end and, in her hour of heartbreak, she returns to the same place for comfort as the previous occasion when she found herself suddenly single: across the bar from Heather.

14. Rough Draft [2,625 words] - Valencia and Heather FINALLY get together. Valencia experiences her own “Oh My God, I Think I Like You” freak out.

15. Strategy [1,212 words] - Heather and Valencia have a stay-at-home date night featuring deliberately cringey pick up lines and tangled limbs on a couch in the dark.

16. Verity [3,834 words] - Heather temporarily resumes her role as Valencia’s assistant coordinator when they plan a vow renewal celebration for Paula and Scott. On this night, the recently remarried couple may not be the only two pouring out their hearts in a room full of loved ones...

17. Different and the Same [1,035 words] - Valencia and Heather just moved into their own place. They spend their first morning there together and make good use of the privacy and freedom this new residence affords.

18. Finishing Touches [1,157 words] - Heather and Valencia personalize the interior of their new living space. The situation soon devolves into paint-splattered hijinks.

19. Patterns in the Light [1,058 words] - Despite the fact that they are literally cohabitating and have professed their feelings for each other, Valencia remains a clumsily flirty nerd and I love her for it. Heather does, too.

20. Sage [1,324 words] - After being trapped in a car with someone she didn’t want to be trapped in a car with, Heather returns covered in a dead woman’s ashes. Valencia’s time as a ghost-beleaguered home energy cleanser has arrived at last. She is uniquely qualified to save the day.

21. Portage [1,707 words] - Heather has plans for a couple’s trip with Valencia. The only obstacle is keeping it a secret between the two of them.

22. The Courage and the Strength I Need [1,957 words] - Valencia struggles during Heather’s business trip because it is their first time apart since becoming a couple. They FaceTime to ease the pain of distance and talk about their future.

23. Wanna Be With You All Alone [1,237 words] - Heather comes back from the aforementioned work travel to find that Valencia has made special welcome home arrangements.

24. Midnight, Fright and Candlelight [1,426 words] - A quiet evening is interrupted by a power outage. Heather and Valencia find a surprisingly wholesome and G-rated way to pass the time. 

25. Next to You [1,550 words] - The big yearly Davis Family Reunion quickly approaches. Valencia prepares to accompany Heather to this event and be introduced to many members of her extended family.

26. Warm Whispers [1,683 words] - Heather and Valencia just want to be all cute and domestic and spend the morning fooling around. Their cats disrupt these pursuits in typical feline fashion.

27. “When We’re Together, Darling, Every Night Is Halloween.” [1,228 words] - Heather and Valencia get ready to attend a Gurl Group Halloween party. Their second annual couple’s costume? Gomez and Morticia Addams. 

28. #afewofmyfavoritethings [2,838 words] - Nathaniel, Rebecca, Valencia, Heather, Paula, Scott, and Tommy all rent a cabin for vacation. This piece follows them through a day of wintertime fun. Pure fluffiness here and I had the best time writing every second of it.

Favorite Fic: Probably #afewofmyfavoritethings. I packed it with elements I personally love and moments I was hoping my new friends in the fandom would like. Plus, it was honestly just so good for my soul to write these characters in a soft world where they could engage in classic snow day activities and enjoy each other’s company.

Hardest Fic: I knew there were a few installments of Femslash February where I wrote whole paragraphs or even pages I didn’t keep/decided to revise, but I was pretty sure I also remembered at least one where I wrote an entire separate piece. My sleep schedule was, shall we say, not advisable during February but it was also easily the most exhilarating month of my year. I tracked down the evidence of that rewrite and it turns out the incident I recalled was for Unusual Kiss (the prompt for Day 4 of FF). The original involved something to do with butterfly kisses because, evidently, my inclination to link Valencia to winged beings knows no bounds. I’ve got to admit that I’m still fond of the concept of Valencia giving Heather a subtle “kiss” during a hug in that painfully frightening time before Beth when she was afraid to outright kiss a woman in any way that couldn’t be dismissed as platonic. There’s a good chance an interaction of that nature could appear somewhere in the full story. I am notoriously drawn to that angst period of undisclosed pining so the temptation is quite strong. Still, I’m glad I used the version I actually posted and saved elements of the first draft for later. Fragments of their conversation from the original will probably make it into the final tale, but I think I prefer to sprinkle them across several exchanges instead of divulging them all at once.

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2020? Sort of yes and sort of no. I am participating in the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Valentine Exchange, which involves a prompt-esque note from the participant each of us were assigned as our guide to spark inspiration for the gift. It’s also possible that there’ll be some writing prompt list posted somewhere along the way just like Femslash February was last year, and I’ll end up wanting to join the fun. Other than that, though, I’ll mainly stick to the one writing project in an effort to hone my focus.

What was the best thing about 2019? I’d definitely say the bonding and interactions with other members of the fandom. The encouragement and support I received from them remains the primary motivation for me to keep writing and chasing after the ongoing goals I set for myself.

What was the worst thing about 2019? The most honest answer that my mind immediately supplied is death of a close relative. While that isn’t the sole reason for the dip in my creative output (especially since there were multiple months between my last published fic and the passing in question), I know it could certainly be counted among the contributing factors to an overarching writing problem I had. Even before my family’s loss, there was a shift in my thought process that only got worse once there was more on my plate in my personal life. There were many times I sat down wanting to write again but it felt too difficult and intimidating to commit words to the page. I couldn’t seem to transfer them from my mind to the keyboard and I’d invariably switch to doing something else. I developed this terrible internal conviction that insisted the larger fic I wanted to write wouldn’t work as well as the shorter installments. That gnawing insecurity would have me believe one month’s worth of well-received efforts was already such a marvel that anything beyond that point was somehow pushing my luck. Where did the mental voice originate and why couldn’t I shake it? It’s difficult to parse out but what I do know is that I’ve firmly decided 2020 is going to be a year I put it on silent. I know what it’ll mean to me for everything that’s been floating in my head to finally be told in one cohesive format, and to have the satisfaction of giving my favorite characters the ending my heart says they deserve. It’s a sense of closure that’s worth the pursuit.

Any last thoughts for 2019? The bad parts of the last twelve months made me want to essentially say “good riddance” to the year, but the good parts were far too treasured to wish all of 2019 away. I am so grateful for the new people I met and friendships that solidified during that time. I especially owe my most heartfelt appreciation to @catty-words, @notbang, and @monaiargancoconutsoy. Thank you for everything. <3

Goals for 2020

Finish. The. Fic.

I believe everyone I know who writes fanfic has already been tagged but, if you haven’t gotten the chance to look back over your writing year, by all means, use these questions to give it a go! :)

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Guys I did it! *Sobs violently*

Alright, here’s my list of recommended fics you super awesome humans. 

As I said in my other post, writers helping writers is awesome so I’m so happy to tell you some of the fics I’ve read that I love. Go show these amazing people some love for the time and effort they have put in to create wonderful fics. Any fics I mention have been read by me (multiple times with some), and I totally recommend them. 

I’m gonna do this in a few ways, first off, I’ll section Archive of Our Own separately to FanFic.net, just to make it easier for me to grab the links. Ao3 has a nifty little thing where you can see your reading history so I can grab them from there, with FF, I need to go through and find them, pray for me lololol.

I’ll also be separating the Boondock Saints ones and Daryl ones, just for your ease, if you're only interested in one and not the other. The Daryl ones are only on Archive, because I haven't really read any over on FF for some reason, don't ask me why, I just haven't.

They’re not in any particular order, just as I see them, I'll grab them.

These aren’t all the fics I’ve read, some of the ones I love have been deleted by the writer, which breaks my heart honestly, and some of them I just can't remember.

It’s so fucking long guys, brace yourselves, I’ll put it under the cut.

So, here we go!

Archive of Our Own [Boondock Saints]

- One of Three 

I really like this one and you guys should really check it out.

Author Summary; She had cocooned herself, letting routine and safety run her life. After everything she knew it wasn't much of one, and because she decided to do the right thing her life's about to hit a tailspin in some of the worst and most fantastic ways.

This is a Murphy/OC/Connor story and it’s amazing.

Chapters; 18

- Boondock Saints OC Arc

This ones a little different because it's not set out like the usual fic. Its an arc and some bits have one chapter, one of arcs even has 36. They all follow the same storyline and it flows like a normal fic, the author has just chosen to post it this way, and it works.

Author summary; The story of one girl's first up close and personal encounter with one of the brothers on a late-night subway.The 1st story in my Boondock Saints OC story arc.

This is a Murphy/OC/Connor fic, and it's one of my favs honestly, I've read it all numerous times.

Chapters; I can't give you an exact number with the way it's set out, but as I said, one arc alone has 36, so there's plenty to sink your teeth into.

- Everybody Knows

I love this one, it's short and sweet.

Author summary; Everybody knows exactly what Marissa needs to do to get over her recent breakup. She's spent the last month in mourning and her friends are ready for her to move on...

Murphy/OC/Connor.

Chapters; 4, but there's also a sequel which is 5 chapters long, I won't post the link for that since when you've read this one, the option to click on to the next part is at the bottom.

- Saints Alive

I looooove this one!

Author summary; Skid is once again on her own and she has to find a new place. Luckily for her, she knows a friend who knows a guy who knows of a place for free. Downside is it's in the South side of Boston where crime is rather terrible. Of course, with two Irish brothers as new next door neighbors, what's the worst that could happen? 

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 7

- Time Zero Blues

Okay, so this one, omfgjwoehdjshndloihd. This is one of my favvvvvs of all time, I’ve read it so many times, if you don't read it, I just might cry.

Author summary; Murphy and Connor get out of work early and are headed to McGinty's. Murphy finds a trail of Polaroids along the way that lead them to an unexpected situation. 

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 23

- Sacrament of Penance

If you’re after something to get you hot and bothered, this is it :’)

Author summary; "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) Pure PWP, sacrilege, and gratuitous smut.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 5

- Robyn Hood

This one is mine! Lololol. I’m not recommending it because I’m saying its good, but I haven't posted it here because honestly I’m lazy, so if you wanna read another one of my multi-chapter fics, then hop on over :)

Author summary; When Robyn gets thrown into the life of The Saints, it causes a big stir between the brothers. The boys deal with their feelings for her in very different ways, and all of their lives get turned upside down. Connor/OC/Murphy.

Slightly AU, set a year after the first film, they don't go back to Ireland.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 15

- Choíche Is go deo

Another one of mine I’m pretty sure I’ve never posted here.

Author summary; Follow Niamh Flannagan as she grows up with the twins in Ireland and watches them turn from boys into men. How will they both deal with having feelings for her? Will jealousy get in the way? 

Murphy/OC/Connor.

Chapters; 8

Fanfic.net [Boondock Saints]

- Risk it all

I’m in love with this one, it’s really fucking good.

Author summary; Nolee moved to South Boston with a hope to escape her past and make a better life for herself. What she didn't plan on was the peculiar Murphy MacManus coming into picture and breaking down everything she thought she knew. As they attempt to bond, can she overcome her tainted old life and let down her walls? Especially with one extra problem: she's already pregnant.

Murphy/ OC

Chapters; 22

- Warrior Shepherds

Another one of my all time favs. I love the dynamics of the characters and how well the boys are written. There’s some serious humour thrown into the mix and I laughed out loud so many times when I read this one. You’ll also be pleased to know this author is on Tumblr, @risingphoenix761. If the username looks familiar, it's because I tag her in all of my shit and recently wrote her a BDS drabble for her birthday. She's an awesome human, so check her out :D

Author note; They were called to destroy evil, but crossing paths with a wayward soul meant compromise. And in compromising, the MacManus brothers get more than they bargained for. Connor/OC/Murphy (rated M for violence, language, and sexual content)

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 37

- Amaryllis

Also by @risingphoenix761, and equally good and worth a read.

Author summary; She wasn't necessarily in their plans. They definitely weren't in hers. Yet between fate, coincidence, a few misadventures and some small favors, plans don't count for much anyway. Now the only question is, are they really just friends?

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 6

- Two Lads and A Lass

I love this one!

Author summary; This is a story about my OFC, Timi, who meets the MacManus brothers a year and a half before they become the Saints of Boston. Follow their adventures as Murphy and Connor try to pull the shyness out of Timi and teach her what love and fun truly is.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 27

- Her Defenses

Yet another high on my list, I love everything about this story.

Author summary; "What do you two see in me that makes you want to try and fix me?" A new life in Boston meant giving up everything she had back home. That never meant that she had to give up her defenses at the same time. Rated M for language and (future) adult situations.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 40

- A Saint, A Sinner

Now this one right here, I have probably read so many times I know it word for word, I’m not even kidding. This is very high on my list. The boys are written perfectly, I love every fucking thing about this one, and there's some very interesting hot and heavy shit along the way.  If you only read one fic of this list, it needs to be this one.

Author summary; Connor M./OC/Murphy M. BDS prequel/romance. What happens when you drink whisky with the boys? It's got it all: romance (as far as the boys can DO romance), fluff, hurt/comfort, plot, canon plus research. Rated for MacManus mouth, violence, & explicit three-way smut (no twincest). Note: The BDS belong solely to T. Duff

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; Now it says 87, but the author has been reworking this fic so it's actually about 67 I think? I’m unsure, and the chapters are a little shorter than usual fics. It’s still amazing and a lot for you to immerse yourself in.

- Saints Angel

Another good one you need to check out.

Author summary; The Saints help to protect everyone in their city, but what if they had a protector of their own? In comes a woman, a hurt, young, lovely woman that was rescued by them, given a new life. To her, they are her boys and she will now do anything to protect them. She will become their Angel...forever to walk by their side...forever to watch over them. 

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 21

- Once More, With Feeling

This one is perfect quite honestly, I fucking love the OC so much and everything about this fic.

Author summary; [HIATUS - UNDER REVISIONS][ConnorxOCxMurphy] Avery, an emotionally independent journalist becomes complicated by her simultaneous feelings for both of the twins. As their secret life of vigilante world unfolds, Avery is left unattended to an entitled, delusional psychopath.

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 9

- Alexis's Saints

Another one I absolutely love.

Author summary; Alexis just recently moved to South Boston with her mother. When a nightmare from her past returns full force, she runs into the MacManus brother's and despite trying to stay away from them, she finds herself growing attached to the two brothers as the three try to figure each other out. Rated M for language and some adult themes. Please Enjoy

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 13

- The Possessed 

This one is fucking amazing. It’s so different from any other BDS fic I’ve read and well worth the read. There's also a sequel which is Connor/OC, so if you wanna read that, click on their username after reading this one and give that one a read too.

Author summary; She is possessed by something evil and supernatural. They have been asked to help save her, to call upon their faith, but one of them is struggling to believe in anything anymore. If she can't be saved then they will be forced to kill her. Do they have the strength to do what they must? Can he believe in something again? 

Murphy/OC

Chapters; 19

- The Librarian

I love the humour in this one and just everything about it.

Author summary; "You're murderers." Rhetta held up a hand, "And please don't give me a speech about how you only killed 'evil' men. I've heard it all before. And while I do agree that the men you killed deserved it, I do not believe that you have the right to take the law into your own hands." "So, you're no' a fan?"

Murphy/OC/Connor

Chapters; 17

OKAY, I’m gonna leave it at that for the BDS ones, I know there's more but you have no idea how long that just took me, omg lolololol.

Archive of Our Own [Daryl]

- His Walls

This one is so fucking good, it’s number two on my list of Daryl fics. I love how it starts off with young Daryl, they write him so well and exactly how I imagine him to be. It’s soooooo good guys, read it

Author summary; People build up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down. Truer words have never been spoken where Daryl Dixon was concerned. He never expected anyone to care enough, until someone did.

Starts out AU with 20 yr old Daryl, from Chapter 22 on out we'll be in the ZA-world.

M-rating for smut, language, adult topics, descriptions of abuse & attempted rape.

Chapters; 51

- Gorgeous

I hadn't actually read this one before, but I came across it when searching for ones I had read, and I fucking loved it. Young Daryl is my jam and this was so well written and just a good read. It’s a young Daryl AU, so the rest of the twd characters are in it too, like Rick his best friend, Maggie the readers best friend etc. 

Author summary; After meeting Daryl on the way home from a party the reader hatches a plan to get him to like her. But if it isn't friends and well-meaning King County citizens that tell her to stay away from him than it's Daryl himself, who's trying to keep his own feelings from coming to the surface.

Chapters; 16

- 357 Daryl Jerkin' It Drive

This one is a little different, this is a collection of works by the writer where they write not only about Daryl, but a lot of different characters Norman has played. As you can tell by the title, they’re all smut based, and well worth the read. It's also worth mentioning that the writer also has a tonne of other Daryl stories so make sure to head onto their profile to check everything else out, it would take too long to link them all here. Most of them are AU Daryl which I love and they're a really talented writer.

Author summary; none.

Chapters; it's hard to say since its a collection, most are one-shots but I know at least two of the works in there are nine chapters each.

- Night Stalker

Okay I lied, this is the same author as above and the next one is too because it's a sequel to this, but they're my favs by this author, I love them. They're a little dark and they're AU, but if you're like me, you'll love them. I recently recommended the sequel to this one to someone in my ask box.

Author summary; Daryl is mentally unstable, but functioning. He falls in love.

Chapters; 15

- Walking in the Light

The sequel to the above story, I’m in love with it, read it now!

Author summary; Sequel to "Night Stalker". Daryl is improving under the care of his new nurse, Krissy. He is still confused by the hallucination, and why Krissy reminds him so much of Kristin.

Chapters; 17

- Just Another Day

Another AU Daryl story that is amazing.

Author summary; Redemption. It's a concept Daryl Dixon is completely unfamiliar with- but desperately needs. It lives in his dreams, where he's a hero among men in the zombie apocalypse... but that's not real life. Real life is sorrow, loneliness, and pain. Until he meets his beautiful neighbor- then its possibility, hope, and maybe a bullet to the brain.

Chapters; 15

- In The Little Town of Jasper…

Yet another amazing AU Daryl story. Are you sensing a theme here? Looool. I’m pretty sure this is the same author as His Walls that I recommended, but I’m too lazy to check. 

Author summary; -Abrasive. Yes, that description fit him perfectly. The guy smelled like trouble, and she knew he would get even more abrasive the longer she talked to him. Too bad she didn't care. -A pretty stranger that talked to him, knew his name and his place of work? In Daryl's book, that just couldn't be good news. AU - Daryl Dixon/OC, Explicit for language and sexual situations. Yes smut!

Chapters; 65

- Second Hand Hearts

This is another fic I highly recommend you read. (Duh, or it wouldn't be on the list, God Sarah ur like so annoying) :’)

Author summary; In her darkest hour, a woman who has lost everything is rescued by a handsome man with a crossbow and nothing to lose-until he meets her. In a nightmarish new world, where the dead prey on the living, can they beat the odds and together make life worth living again?

Chapters; 32

- Transference

Another AU Daryl one, but it’s so fucking good and different to a lot I’ve read.

Author summary; Be warned. This is a story about Daryl seeking out a different and not so mainstream relationship. It is 100% consensual and he asks for it. He seeks out what he wants so if you have read the tags and you continue to read it's on you. Xoxoxox Krissy

Chapters; 14

- Hope is a Waking Dream

I know I keep saying I love the fics, but I do, clearly. This one though is another favourite of mine and you really need to read it. I love the dynamic between the OC and Daryl.

Author summary; Set between Seasons 2 and 3. Melissa Sheppard is alone in the ZA, but she was alone before the dead owned the earth. She prefers it that way. Boy, is she pissed when she gets back to her cabin to find it has been taken by strangers.

Chapters; 24

- Paths Crossed

I’m getting sick of hearing myself say I love it over and over, so just fucking read it and make me happy! *sobs*

Author summary; While out hunting Daryl comes across a stranger and decides to help her despite his better judgement and they begin on their journey together.

Chapters; 61

- Daryl Dixon Loves Me

This is another I hadn't actually read until now when I was searching, I actually really loved it. It's full of smut and that's never a bad thing. It took me a couple of chapters to really get into it, but it's really worth the read.

Author summary; Daryl comes across Lucy (OC) in the woods and claims her for his own. The story begins during the Farmhouse era of the series.

Chapters; 14

- A Star In A Sea Of Darkness; Darkness In A Sea Of Stars

Another one, just read it.

Author summary; After the Governor attacked the prison, the only person left in Daryl's shitstorm of a life was Judith. For Daryl, it's enough. Until he met her.

Chapters; 28

- Roommate

Holy shit, this fic is everything. It's AU pre-ZA and it's just the best. It's so good, I can't even put into words, very high on my list and it also has a sequel set in the ZA that’s 13 chapters long, please read it. If you like AU things, this is for you. The way they write Daryl in this, it's just gold. It’s also told in Daryl's POV which is just amazing.

Author summary; Several bodies are found in the area of a small town. In this town lives Daryl, the killer of all those people. The investigation goes on, the profile is made, and now the police and the FBI look for a specific type, a loner type, ... Daryl's type. He decides to find himself a roommate in an attempt to mislead the police. Let's see how that will turn out for him. AU pre-apocalypse horror story. Obviously very OOC Daryl.

Rated M for a good reason, violence, foul language, adult content... it's all there, consider yourself warned.

Chapters; 12

- Wallflower

Okay, so this ones a little different. It's actually a Daryl/OC/Rick love triangle and I usually don't read Rick fics (loool that rhyme though) but this is a good fic.

Author summary; Thea Graham has lived in Alexandria for over a year and is happy being mostly invisible. This is what happens when she suddenly has the attention of two men.

Chapters; 20

- Running Wild

This story is number one on my list guys, this is right up there with His Walls. This is my number one fav Daryl fic of all time and I’ve read it so many fucking times it's unreal. This fic is life, it’s everything. If I could only read one fic over and over for the rest of my life, it would be this one.

Author summary; Four years have passed since their sanctuary at the prison fell at the hands of the Governor and the surviving members are now thriving at their new home just north of Atlanta. Out of the blue, late one afternoon, Daryl Dixon stumbles across someone they thought they'd lost long ago; a member of the Woodbury community that had returned with Rick to the prison.

Warning: This fic is quite a bit darker than my other ones. If you are looking for fluffy bunny, happy prancing unicorns and rainbow colored endings, this is not the story you are looking for.

Chapters; 67

- Amnesia

I love this fucking story, ‘nough said.

Author summary; Her story isn't all that different from anyone else these days. The world went to shit, and the dead don't want to die. She's lost people. So has everyone else. Who she was before isn't who she is now. But there is one difference between Lena and every other survivor she's come across. She doesn't know who she was. And who she is? Well, she's still trying to figure that out.

During the mayhem of the early days of the apocalypse, a fateful smack on the head stole her memory. All she's ever known is the world she's living in now. But that doesn't mean she's adept at surviving it. Eventually, she ends up alone and near death's door. Till a man on a motorcycle chooses to save her life.

Now she has to decide if who she was is worth finding, or if she'll fight the hell that comes with what's forgotten and strive for something better with the one man in the world who can see past it all.

Chapters; 48

- Cherokee Rose

Yet another amazing fic!

Author summary; Daryl and Raven's world collide after a visit to Hilltop by the group from Alexandria. Raven's only love is her Black Stallion Obsidian and Daryl has been done with loving anything for a long time. He's had a lot of practice hardening his heart but the dark vixen is finding cracks in his armor. Will Raven be the one that will finally make Daryl feel again? Rated for sexual situations.

Chapters; 21

- Lips of an Angel

I fucking love this fic. This author has already made it on this list because she's so fucking good. Just go read all of her shit. Its AU Daryl, which by now you guys should probably be able to tell I love looool.

Author summary; Daryl calls a phone sex line. I know this is a trope that has been done before but I feel like I added my own spin on it. I hope you enjoy. I love Hinder, and I heard this song on the radio, so here we are.

Chapters; 11

- The Country Singer

Amazing story, go forth and read my children…

Author summary; Country Music rising star, Melanie McCall and her songwriting partner are headed to D.C. to find hope after their tour bus breaks down and their band is wiped out. They are given a chance to come to Alexandria...but what will happen once their new neighbors find out she was Beth Greene's favorite singer?

A story about losing voice, but finding hope.

Chapters; 18

- Home at last (Redux)

Yet another good one for you guys to read. 

Author summary; There are two people alive in this world for whom childhood was a dangerous, precarious, frightening place. For whom life has never been easy and relationships always strained and unnatural things. Having connected, against the odds and then been torn apart by civilization falling around them. How will they react when they meet each other again.

One of them has survived on a deep well of anger and pain, found a family, of sorts, and begun to try and put his past behind him and learn to let people in. The other has dropped the pretense she'd built up before the world went to shit and now she is as detached and self-reliant as he used to be. What happens when these two meet? Can two misshapes fit together and face the world as a better, stronger, complete whole? Can they find, in each other, a place to call home at last?

Chapters; 84

- Of Myths and Men

I fucking love this one, please read it.

Author summary; This story will follow an Original Female Character and her dog through to TWD world from the beginning of the turn.

She will meet the rest of the group, around mid season four.

There is no Beth in my story, Beth fans. I'm sorry.

Artemis. Greek Goddess of the hunt, wild animals, wilderness, childbirth and virginity. Though many Gods vied for her affections only her hunting companion, Orion, could win her heart.

She'd heard them all, been asked if she was a virgin, asked if she had a twin brother, Apollo, asked if she was raped and attacked by her friends and family, asked if she had killed anyone... She was just a girl from a small town with a stupid name.

Artemis had never wanted an Orion, and now the world was falling apart she gathered the chances of meeting one were slim to none. Right? She has Diablo, her best friend and protector.

Who needed the Greek giant Orion when you had the Devil on your side anyway?

Chapters; 42

- Saving Valentine

OH MY GOD THIS STORY GUYS. I love this one, really fucking love it. High on my list. It's got a little bit of Negan/OC in there, but who doesn't love a bit of Negan? I certainly fucking do lololol It’s mainly Daryl/OC though, so even if Negan isn't your jam, I would really recommend reading this.

Author summary; She fought and killed to survive but she lived for revenge. Valentine waits for the right moment to kill the man who murdered her family. Can she do what needs to be done to escape the Sanctuary that is her prison? Can she accept the helping hand from strangers to do it? Can she live with all she lost? TWD world, non canon timeline.

Chapters; 51

- The Living and The Dead

Can we just talk about vampire Daryl for a second, because like HOLY FUCK WHY IS THIS THE ONLY VAMP DARYL FIC I HAVE EVER FOUND. *Breathing intensifies*

Anywho...this story, just fuck. It's everything, it gives me life, please read it omfg.

Author summary; Daryl is the last of his species, in a world that has just turned stranger and stranger since the day his brother turned him.

He's living as normal a life as you can on your own in the woods surrounded by Walkers... until Evie shows up, and threatens to bring all his instincts right back to the surface.

Chapters; 65

- Beasts and Monsters

If you're after a badass OC, this is the story for you. It's so good.

Author summary; Having lost her entire group, Lena finds herself alone in a crumbling world watched through darkened eyes. She is courageous, savage and uncomplicated. Her only companions being an obedient horse and two pet Walkers. When she finds herself outside a prison, inside the walls she finds a group of survivors capable of giving her a glimmer of hope.

Chapters; 31

- Stay

I really love this one *whines*

Author summary; Hannah has been alone for months, but somehow she's made it. But after discovering a school tucked into the northern hills of Georgia, she encounters a stranger who is just as damaged and broken as she is.

Chapters; 48

- Born Nameless

What's this? Yet another good story? Why yes, it is. 

Author summary; Anamika has been alone from the start of the apocalypse and she likes it that way. Groups meant vulnerability, which meant death and Anamika wanted to survive. However, circumstances change and when she agrees to give Alexandria a chance, she finds that she just might not have met the right sort of people before, in particular a dirty, gruff redneck with a hidden heart of gold.

Chapters; 35

Random bonus fic;

- I think I liked you better when you didn't have a knife in your hand, Peaches…

I thought I’d throw this one at you, why’s it a bonus fic you ask? Its a Negan fic, not Daryl, but what the fuck, have it anyway, its really fucking good loooool I fucking love Negan man, I’ve thought about writing him so many times :’)

Author summary; When Blake finds herself sold out to the Saviours by her abusive fiancé, she realises that she's certainly not on her own anymore and finds an unlikely friend in Negan. And Negan does NOT like men who beat their girlfriends, one tiny bit….

Chapters; 140

And that is it guys! Holy fudge nuts, can we just talk about how long this list took me to make? It’s 20 pages long guys *sobs* don’t say I never give you anything.

That nifty history thing on Ao3 I mentioned, for some reason, quite a few weren’t there and I had to go through the fics to find them. Not every single one is on the list, that would take me fucking forever to do, but these are the best ones I've read.

On that note, I want to just say something.

I’m an avid reader of fics, and as you know if you're here, a writer. So let me just take a quick minute to tell you how much writers appreciate feedback on their fics. 

We write for free, we gain no money from what we do, using our spare time and take painstaking hours to not only write fics, but edit, make them perfect and get them out to you. Every like/kudos, or comment/reblog, it means the fucking world to us.

I reply to every comment I get, every time someone likes my shit or comments, it makes my fucking day. Because it reassures me I’m doing good.

I have my days where I think I'm a shit writer and that no one would care if I gave up, and then someone will comment, even something simple like’ this was good’, and it fills me with so much fucking joy.

So, if you read a fic and like it, please let us know. Even if you just like/kudos the thing, just a click, it doesn't take any time, it means so much to us. If you really liked it, comment, let us know. Don't know what to say? 

‘Awesome’

‘Good job’

‘I loved this’

All of these are adequate, you don't need to over think what you say. If you liked one line in particular, tell us, it's everything. 

Of course you don’t have to, but it’s always welcome is what I’m trying to say.

So with that out of the way, I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labour with this list and I’ve given you a lot to read. My eyes feel like they’re falling out and I might die, but there we go, it’s done. :’)

Much love

Sarah x

[skvaderarts]

Chapter Seventeen: Reawakening

You can check out the Masterlist Here for more links to places to read!

Sorry this was late! I’m working 100% off of a tablet now and it’s been hell!!

Chapter Seventeen: Reawakening

Notes: Wow. This had been a wild week. It’s lucky that I’m taking a two-week break after I finish this fic because my laptop decided to have issues. Again. FFS. I’m buying a Chromebook to write on after this. I use Google Docs anyway. I’m so done with this. I don’t care if they are not very powerful, I need something simple! But that’s not your issue. I don’t care if I have to finish this on my TABLET I am going to get through this. I just wanted to make everyone aware. This BS changes nothing. Now onto the story!

-~-

At this point, anything that crossed Vergil’s path was basically guaranteed a swift and painful death. They had taken no time at all to reach the castle, his brisk pace practically unrelenting, even from the moment they had stepped foot out of Nero’s house. Although it had been a while since any of them had been here, no one needed directions. Vergil knew that as long as he lived, the layout of this city (at least as it had been at the time of his original trip two decades ago) would be etched into the forefront of his mind. It wasn’t that he had spent any significant time here… it was who he had met. What few “pleasant” things he had experienced during his youth had recently returned to the forefront of his mind under the guise of trying to recall less complicated times in his life, and this was on the top end of that list. As they continued along their way, he took a moment to consider the fact that visiting this wretched place was somehow one of the highlights of his youth. 

Dreadful.

He needed to take a trip at some point for the sake of simply seeing something. Perhaps his troublemaking hellspawn could come along if they… no. His brow furrowed slightly as his mind wandered to darker outcomes. The possibilities as to ways they could meet their untimely ends here were staggering, but he refused to entertain any of them. Had he ruined a great many things during his youth? Of course. Was he to blame for countless mistakes. Absolutely. But this was not going to be one of them. And there would be hell to pay if anyone thought otherwise.

The moment they dropped down into Fortuna Castle’s ice field, a loud cracking, shimmering sound reminiscent of icicles creaking in the wind could be heard approaching from the foreground. Dante laughed to himself, drawing his blade from his back. Vergil placed his hand on his blade, entertaining the possibility of simply dispatching these demonic pests with his summoned swords alone. Nothing out here was worth his time as a general rule, but right now their mere existence was insulting to him. These useless creatures were not challenging enough to even consider obstacles, only serving as a stopgap in his route to more pressing matters.

“Well, I haven’t seen these things in a while,” Dante said as a group of frost approached from a distance, flanked by just shy of a dozen hell hounds.

Although Vergil concurred with his brother’s statement, he didn’t bother vocalizing. He simply nodded, drawing his blade as one of the frosts leaped towards him. He reached over his head and slashed downward, cleaving the hapless creature in two with one swift swing of the blade. Its brethren seemed to learn nothing from their fallen compatriot’s example, as two more rushed forward to attack them. Dante held his blade behind himself, watching as the blade glowed before slashing forward, sending a concentrated beam of red energy rocketing forward towards the demon. It annihilated the surprised creature, it’s partner jumping to the side to dodge the strike, Dante easily sidestepped it, drawing his shotgun and delivering a charged round to the creature’s face in retaliation before it had a chance to strike him. It tumbled uselessly through the snow as he rushed forward, uppercutting it into the air with his flaming gauntlets before drawing his blade again and slamming it down into the ground with devastating force. The youngest of Sparda’s twin sons would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he found this exhilarating. Then again, there was always a thrill to be found in a good fight. While this didn’t quite constitute as a “good fight” it was a decent warmup at the very least and he would be remiss to not become slightly excited by the opportunity to fight a species of demon he didn’t often encounter.

The hellhounds descended upon the group as the Frosts jumped back behind them, stalking the edges of the area waiting for an ideal moment for an ambush attack. The three of them sidestepped the creatures easily, making short work of them. Magnolia rushed forward and used her barrier spell to parry a blast from one of the hellhounds, knocking it back into the creature’s vulnerable body and destroying it upon impact. She rushed forward through them, her sights set on the entrance to the castle that loomed over the long metal bridge in front of her. This was not her first fight with Vergil, and any of them were capable of taking this particular group of demons in a fight easily, so she decided to redirect her efforts towards something that could benefit from her attention. While the twins would be just fine, she could guarantee the same thing for Nero and V. Their current condition was unknown, and she sought to fix that as soon as she possibly could.

“I think it’d be best if I went inside and looked for them,” Magnolia shouted over her shoulder as she sidestepped a hound on her way,” I’ll keep them safe! You have my word!”

Vergil nodded, offhandedly cleaving another two Frosts in half with his blade. While somewhat formidable in large groups, these lesser demons possessed little in the way of an actual threat and he was unconcerned with thim. That being said, he could make the time to take some of his pent up frustration out on them. Demons of this caliber tended to stalk their prey into different areas, and he didn’t need to be flanked from behind while dealing with a more potent threat. Allowing Magnolia to go ahead of them was a good idea, even if he didn’t feel entirely comfortable sending her in alone. There was no sure fire way of knowing all the risks and nothing about this situation was ideal.

Although Dante didn’t know her, he and his twin both shared the same confidence in her statement. But he also agreed that there was also no way of knowing what she could be going up against inside the walls of the castle. It was best that they get back to her as soon as they could. They both turned their attention back to the demons at hand. As she entered the front door, there was suddenly even more of a sense of urgency than there had been before. The potential for them to be able to fend off a threat as a group of three was much higher, but it also raised the possibility of friendly casualties. As capable as she was, Magnolia was still human, and V was basically helpless given the circumstances. Capable as he may be, Nero could only do so much at once, especially by himself while guarding another person. 

The twins needed to hurry.

The moment that Magnolia stepped into the castle and closed the door, another large wave of Hellhounds and Frosts rushed forward, launching an all out attack against them. The hapless hounds seemed to become increasingly frustrated every time either Dante or Vergil expertly side stepped them, charging forward only to meet their inevitable fate at the end of a smoldering shotgun round or the cold steel of a devilarm. The pair dodged and weaved through their attacks effortlessly, unfazed by the large numbers they were going up against. Their recent stint in the underworld (in relative terms, at least) and the lifetime of battles they had fought had more than prepared them for this.

For several minutes they utterly decimated their enemies, the Sons of Sparda dicing them into bite size pieces and filling them with buckshot. They stood back to back, dispatching each demon as it dared approach them. As Dante delivered a devastating uppercut to the final Frost and killed it upon impact, Vergil made quick work of the few remaining Hellhounds. He rained down a volley of Summoned Swords on the canines before cleaving the final hound in half as it made the mistake of leaping towards him. The flaming creature let out a final screech before dying and disolving into the snow. Vergil ran Yamato down the length of its scabbard before returning it to it’s sheath with a ringing click. He glanced over at Dante as his twin approached, about to suggest that they head inside the castle. But before either of them could say anything, the sound of a faint boom echoed from inside of the Castle. They both glance at one another before sprinting towards the castle door. 

Something was wrong.

-~-

Magnolia’s body ached as she slid backwards, knocking the wind out of herself as she slammed back first into a pillar. She was pouring sweat and slightly banged up from the strain that came from trying to withstand such a powerful attack. While she had managed to find V and Nero with practically no effort, the three of them were now in a much more precarious situation. In the blink of an eye, the dozen or so cultists had descended upon them, half of them unleashing their summons in a savage attack that was exceedingly difficult to combat. The only saving grace was that each of them seemed to only possess a single familiar, and while slightly more adept than the men she had fought at the docks, they were clearly amateurs playing with powers they couldn’t hope to understand. At most, they were pulling an entity from the underworld to fight on their behalf, but the demons owed their summoners no loyalty. No contract had been established. It was an act of desperation and everyone was a target.

Gasping for breath, she reached into the inside of her coat and pulled out a compressed metal tube, pressing a button on it to cause it to extend. As she spun the rod in her hands to become reacquainted with its center of balance, she stole a glance at Nero. He was busy trying to keep a small cluster of Sargasso and one very irate Nobody from reaching V, and he was doing relatively well considering the circumstances. This cult seemed to have a preference for Malet Island demons, and she found that curious. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but wonder what had transpired to lead to this moment. Everything about this just felt wrong and she needed answers once this was all over and done with.

One of the cultists approached her and she swung the rod, catching them square in the side of the jaw. They toppled to the floor, rendered thoroughly unconscious by the sudden strike. Magnolia smirked. The quickest way to deal with a summoned demon was to disable their summoner, as they could only manifest when their master was awake and able to give directions. She watched as Nero slammed downward into the Nobody, nearly cleaving it in two. V stumbled backward, dodging the monstrocitie’s attempt to take them with it as it died by detonating one of it’s own eyes. Nero then stepped forward and kicked one of the pews as hard as he could, sending it rocketing into a few of the remaining cultists. Magnolia closed the distance between them, using her free hand to blast the adjacent row (well, what was left of a row) of pews into the same cultists before knocking another upside the head and sending them crashing to the floor.

V took the moment of relative calm to rendezvous with Magnolia, more than a little aware that his presence was complicating things further and that perhaps the best place he could be at the moment was at the top of the stairs where he had a vantage point to see from. Magnolia and Nero flanked him from opposite ends of the room as he slipped along the bottom of the stairs, unable to effectively run due to his general lack of balance and his injured side. He felt thoroughly useless and he despised it, swearing to himself that he would find some way of being useful. Just as his foot touched the top stair, the pile of kicked over pews plasted into several directions, ricocheting off of the pillars and walls causing wooden shrapnel to fly in every direction. The trio ducked to avoid the large peices of flying wood, Nero not being quite as lucky. One of the larger pieces slammed into him, knocking him down as he cursed loudly from the pain.

“Are you hurt,” V asked, taking a few steps towards him, a concerned tint to his voice.

Nero clambered to his feet, hissing under his breath as he rubbed his side slightly. Nothing was broken from what he could tell, but he was sure that he’d have a nice bruise come morning. Who the hell were these crazy demon wielding bastards and what did they want with V? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. “Yea, I’m fine. What about you guys?” 

V and magnolia nodded, despite the fact that they were probably worse off at the moment than he was. At that moment, five of the cultists seemed to be regaining their senses, dragging themselves to their feet in an overeager bid to try and reignite the fight. Their leader stepped forward, brushing himself off. The dark haired man looked thoroughly pissed even though he was making an effort to try and seem calm and menacing. 

“I’m going to give you one last chance to turn him over to us,” he said sternly as he fixed his coat, eyeing V directly to add further emphasis to his point,” Our master isn’t used to taking no for an answer.”

If the man’s intention was to intimidate the longer haired man, it failed miserably. V took a step forward, edging closer to the top of the railing. He had no intention of simply giving himself over to these mysterious people. It didn’t matter if he had to take one of these standing candle holders and impale them with it. This wasn’t going to end the way these cultists wanted it to.

“Then your master is going to have to learn to deal with disappointment, because I’m not going with you,” V said flatly, clearly unamused by anything that had transpired in the last little while. Whatever this insidious cult of summoners wanted with him, he wasn’t interested in. The fact that they were so quick to resort to violence spoke volumes in that regard. Should they have been less quick to try and harm his companions, he might have humored them for a moment. As little as he enjoyed conversation, he was not opposed to listening. But he did possess a negative disposition towards having his hand forced, especially by total strangers. He wasn’t going to take this lying down.

The man didn’t respond. Instead the air became statically charged. A ominous black mist filled the room as golden sparks rolled along the surface of the walls, wrapping themselves around the pillars before dying down to a faint but still present pulse. A supernatural breeze blew through the room, clearly not originating from inside of the structure as all the doors were currently closed. V glanced around the room tenitavely in a tense search for answers. His lack of experience with this place and it’s native demons made this veil of darkness extra unsettling to him. He stole a glance in Nero’s direction as he revved his trusty blade, clearly readying himself. He placed it back onto his back and drew his gun, charging it in preparation for something that V couldn’t identify. Magnolia glanced around the room with her weapon drawn as well, seemingly just as unsure as to what was happening as V was. The cultists had drawn back into the mist to allow their leader to handle the situation, and he already seemed to be more capable than they had been.

While V anlyzed the situation, Magnolia made the fateful decision to step towards V. As she drew near, she stopped suddenly and started in total silence into the mist before gasping and grabbing him, practically throwing him out of the way. V let out a startled breath as he managed to catch him on the top stair, turning his head towards her to enquire as to what on earth she had done that to him for. They had never met or spoken prior to this encounter, but he presumed that this was the mysterious Magnolia that Nero had mentioned so much about prior to their arrival.

“Why did-” V never got the chance to finish asking his question. 

In the middle of his sentence a spectral set of ten glowing violet red claws that had to be half as long as he was extended from seemingly nowhere and shattered Magnolia’s barrier and embedded themselves into either side of her body before lifting her and tossing across the room. She cried out as she tumbled across the room and crashed into the floor, coming to a stop just a few feet from Nero. She slammed into one of the few remaining pews and took several pained breaths before closing her eyes and going totally limp, her breathing turning shallow as she passed into a semi conscious state. 

Nero glanced as he leaned over to give her a gentle but anxious shake as he fired a charged round into the intangible demon’s back. Those claws belonged to a Faust, one of the last demons he expected to see here today. The large hovering demon materialized and screeched, hurling itself at him. He managed to side step at and fired several more rounds into the creature as it began to lower it’s self closer to the ground. Once it was vulnerable, he removed Red Queen from her holster and charged at it, slamming into it with a volley of flames and scalding steel. It regained its stability and launched itself into the air before disappearing entirely. Just as suddenly as it had arrived, the smoke began to dissipate. But the calm eas short lived

V had scrambled to his feet during the excitement, eager to find cover or something he could use to defend himself. The electricity that had accompanied the now dissipating smoke reappeared, this time with a ferocity and strength that it had not possessed before. V withdrew his hand from the rail and stepped towards the middle of the top of the stairs in an attempt to put some distance between himself and the high voltage. A thick streak of vibrant electrical energy darted from the corner of the room nearest to the gallery door and zigzagged from side to side, going back and forth between each of the banisters. He tried to follow it with his eyes, but couldn’t quite make out the source until it fully materialized. In the blink of an eye (or perhaps faster) a large electricity coated demon leaped at him, claws at bared and ready to strike. V barely managed to leap out of the creature’s path, but it did him very little good. The entity landed feet first against the wall and immediately redirected itself towards him, managing to take him off guard as he was attempting to regain his balance from his sudden dodge. The last thing he remembered seeing was the sight of the Blitz clocking itself in a layer of electricity before it catapulted itself into him with bone shattering force. He careened down the steps, slamming into each step as the breath left his body and he rolled to a stop against the cold stone floor. He had been unconscious long before he had made his landing.

When he opened his eyes, everything was black again. V was silent for a moment, somewhere between alarm and disbelief. He was in this dreadful place again?! There was no time for this. He moved around more frantically this time than in his prior visit, grasping for any way to make his exit but failing immediately. A hybridized version of a growl and a huff escaped his lips as he covered his hands with his face, shaking his head in frustration and anxiety. He had no idea how time passed in this place, but he knew he had already spent too much of it here.

“If you have no intention of helping me, then release me. There are pressing matters that I must attend to,” The irritation and desperation in his voice were as clear as this place was dark and hopeless.

Black tendrils erupted from the ground and wrapped themselves around his torso and arms individually, not so much holding him captive as they were holding him still. The grip was firm but not constricting, familiar to him in a way he couldn’t quite place but that bothered him from lack of recognition. The skin on his body began to tingle in a manner that was reminiscent to how he had felt when he had awakened in his bedroom this morning. Surely enough, when he glanced down the markings from his former familiars were glowing as they had that morning, aside from Nightmare’s. He obviously couldn’t see his own back, but he couldn’t feel the same sensations that he felt on his torso, chest, neck, and extremities. He closed his eyes and lowered his head slightly, thinking.

When he had first met his familiars, he had agreed to form a contract with them out of a lack of other options but had grown to enjoy their presence after a while. They had fought valiantly in their attempts to protect him, but in the end they had all been victims of circumstance; unwilling yet unwavering participants in a game far more profound than their own lives. And as he stood there encased in what had to be darkness itself, he felt understood and accepted in a way he couldn’t place words to. A wave of nostalgia and penetrating loneliness hit him as he exhaled slowly. He didn’t know how he knew, but this place was linked to his former demonic pets, and he was ready to admit that he needed them right now. Perhaps asking would facilitate the response that he was hoping for?

V sighed and adjusted his posture as much as he possibly could before looking up. Or what he assumed to be “up”. He honestly couldn’t tell and didn’t care. It was worth a shot, wasn’t it? It couldn’t hurt to try. 

“I can only assume that this,” V gestured by tugging at the tendrils,” Is your doing. We’ve met before. I think that’s why I keep ending up here, isn’t it? Because you want to help me.”

The air became statically charged as if in response to his question. V nodded. He felt like he might be getting somewhere. Possibly. The tendrils loosened slightly, but he didn’t move. He remembered that he had to consent to the contract with Griffon before. Maybe they needed his permission? He found it ironic that there was a guidebook to this sort of thing in his back pocket but he couldn’t read it. It would prove invaluable in this situation. V sighed, at his limit for being here. There was no time for this. He hadn’t come all this way just to perish senselessly a second time.

“... I need your help. Again. If this is truly you, then I don’t think I need to elaborate. I have a talent for landing myself in troublesome situations, but this is different. I don’t know if I’ll survive this fight without you.” 

He closed his eyes and hung his head solemnly. “... Please help me. I desperately need you.”

V jumped slightly as he felt the sensation of something akin to hot water run down the upper half of his body. It drenched him but he remained totally dry, aside from the places where the glowing marks on his body had been. The black substance clung to them, filling in like some sort of a stencil being filled in with the darkest shade of graphite imagenable. The tendrils dissolved and converted themselves into the last of the liquid before everything grew dark. He stood there breathing heavily as the result of the sudden wave of weakness that had overcome him, the burden of his former power taking a momentary toll that he hadn’t anticipated. With every monocrom of the power that returned to him, he felt more hazy, but he wouldn’t allow that to stop him.

He collected himself and closed his eyes to take in a much needed moment of silence. He was ready to leave this place. And there would be hell to pay for those who had forced his hand yet again. As soon as he figured out a way to leave this place, this cult was going to regret the day they had made the decision to attack a descendant of the Dark Knight Sparda.

-~-

Vergil had precisely no idea how things had escalated to this degree, but he wasn't pleased in the slightest by what he saw before him. In fact, he wasn’t entirely sure what he felt in this moment. Snow blew in from behind him as he stood in the open doorway to Fortuna Castle, but even literal ice was warmer than the chill he felt trickle down his spine as he took in the predicament that he and his twin brother had just walked themselves into. The eldest Son of Sparda could almost literally feel parts of his body freeze solid as he took in the chaos that unfolded before him. He hadn’t noticed that he’d stopped the moment he’d seen V lying prone on the floor a few dozen yards away, clocked in the remainder of some sort of smoke that he didn’t see the source of. Dante had immediately jumped into the frey, providing Nero the backup that he sorely needed against the dozen or so different demons he was somehow holding his own against. 

Even with the dissipating mist in the air making things difficult to see clearly, he could tell that V was in a bad way. He made his way across the room, not really registering any of his surroundings aside from the hapless summoner that made the mistake of trying to attack him. He drew Yamato and dispatched them quicker than they could even regester what had happened to them, and then returned his focus to what actually mattered to him in this moment. The wantin and merciless bloodshed would have been met with a less than positive response, (or at least a raised eyebrow or two) but no one noticed due to the litany of opponents that they were up against. 

The second he reached V’s unconscious body, he knelt down at his side to assess his condition. He paused for a moment, his hand lingering over V’s body. Vergil found himself trapped between the overwhelming desire to know if his son was alive and the criping, all consuming worry that came from the knowledge that he very well might not be. The fact that he knew that at least one of his children was alive should’ve provided him a grim respite, but he found himself overcome by a level of anxiety he hadn’t felt in an immeasurably long time. This was a source of concern that he’d never experienced before; the concept of his inability to protect his own children resulting in their death something that he’d never given lingering thought to. It was forengn to him and utterly devastating in it’s scope. He clenched his teeth subconsciously before developing the resolve necessary to force himself to check on his son’s well being.

Vergil leaned over him and hesitantly rested the back of his hand against V’s exposed throat. The knot in his stomach loosened considerably when he realized that despite the fact he couldn’t feel his oldest son’s pulse, he noticed that he was breathing when his breath ghosted across the sleeve of his coat. While that didn’t account for his actual physical well being, he knew that he was alive at the very least, and that was reassuring to him. As he retracted his hand, he was taken by surprise by V as he coughed harshly and lurched forward, gasping harshly for breath as though he had just been plunged into freezing waters.

V rubbed his face with his hands as his breath evened out before turning to look in Vergil’s direction. Despite the fact that his eyes were closed, he could feel the presence of another person near him. When he saw Vergil he froze in place, unsure of how to react to his presence. The very last thing he expected to see was his estranged father. This day was full of surprises, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to take the vast majority of them. V closed his eyes for a moment before sighing and deciding that he would have to sort this situation out at a later date. This was not the time or the place to have any sort of discussion. He glanced over at the battle that was occurring on the other side of the room. Nero and Dante had the situation more than under control. The cult leader seemed to be edging towards the door, more than likely preparing to make a break for it since it was apparent that his compatriots were now fighting a losing battle.

He had just found his target.

There was no way that he was allowing this deranged maniac to escape.

As he clambered to his feet, he was reminded of his less than ideal state. His head throbbed, there was an unpleasant soreness in his chest, the cut on his side felt more raw and torn than ever, and he could practically feel the imprint of the stone stairs in his back from when he had tumbled down them a few minutes ago, but he was still alive and he could suppress his discomfort until his work was finished. This wouldn’t be the first time he had forced himself to swallow his pain and work against his well being in order to complete a task. Not by a long shot. 

V tugged his sleeve down and sure enough, his tattoos had returned. In an action that was practically second nature by now, he expanded his consciousness and called forth his familiars. With an ear shattering roar, Shadow materialized from the floor, ready to do her master’s bidding. She paced the room eagerly as Griffon surged forward, depriving V of the remainder of his tattoos and he fluttered around the room laughing wildly. He landed on V’s shoulder a moment later, fluffing himself.

“Well, if it isn’t Shakespear! It’s about time! And just when I was about to start taking bets on how long it was going to take you to figure out how the Nightmare dimension worked. Guess I owe Nightmare a drink,” Griffon was clearly thrilled to death with himself. He wasn’t making the slightest effort to hide that. “So, who’s the unlucky schmuck who’s getting an ass full of lighting today?!”

V repressed the urge to roll his eyes, shaking his head as he chortled at the statement. He was likely never going to admit it, but he’d missed this mouthy bird. It was a welcome change to have him back. He smirked and rolled his hand playfully in the direction of the cult leader. “That guy.”

Griffon twirled off of his shoulder and launched up into the air, discharging a sphere of lighting as he leveled out. “Consider it done, beanpole,” Griffon said sarcastically as he took off towards the individual V had pointed out,” Come on Shirly, we have work to do!”

Shadow snarled and chased after Griffon as he flew off to assess their target. V stole a quick glance at Vergil that quickly converted itself into a lingering stare. He had an unreadable look in his that indicated that he wasn’t thrilled to see his familiars again, but he sighed and unsheathed Yamato nonetheless. He glanced over at V and nodded as to excuse him before turning his attention towards the cultist. They were in for a world of hurt now that his concern had subsided and been replaced by seething rage. Vergil felt a powerful need to stab something right now, and he had plenty of targets to choose from. V watched him surge forward and impale one of the cultists before turning his attention back towards his familiars. They had several unpleasant and uncomfortable conversations ahead of them. It was inevitable. But right now they needed to fight. And V was eager to see how a battle against another summoner would turn out. With Dante, Vergil, and Nero handling the remaining cultists and their summons, he had plenty of time to focus on their leader. They each had their own battles to fight.

V glanced down at the ground and found a piece of a broken standing candelabra, opting to bring it with him. There was no harm in having a physical weapon with him, even if it was just a two foot long segment of a brass rod. He wanted answers and he was going to get them, one way or another.

-~-

GAH!! I’m sorry that this chapter is several hours late! Due to the pandemic, I can’t fix my pc at the moment, so I spent a while fighting with Google Docs today. I then sat here all day and had to type this entire chapter (which was 5,800+ words!) ON MY TABLET. It was a nightmare, but I got it done and I’m starting the next chapter sharpish. A lot happened in this chapter, and I can’t wait for you guys to get to read the battle in the next entry on Friday! Thanks a ton for your ongoing support! I’m going to get this pc situation sorted out ASAP for all our sakes. I look forward to reading your comments and I loved the ones last week! Sorry for any errors that slipped through. It’s tricky to edit and type on a touch screen device. Have a wonderful day and stay safe out there! See you soon!