#and she finally realized maybe she doesn’t need to prove that she’s useful to have people who care for her

[sugarcarnation]

can’t believe lucy is canonically the queen on dazais chessboard and yet we’ve never even seen them interact

[wherewolf]

the responses i’ve seen to shiv’s ending seem very quick to write her off as just another sad victim of the cycle, which isn’t without truth BUT!!! that is not even remotely the summation of shiv’s story.

i don’t think she votes yes to “save kendall” or to try to finally set her brothers free. and i don’t think her main concern was that ken was becoming their dad. she absolutely noticed and didn’t love it, but that was not her motivation in betraying him. she was thinking about herself.

it’s tempting to make a martyr out of her as she is the only female child and we see her suffer the onslaught of misogyny that comes with that. but to make her into a saintlike figure who got beat takes away the power and intelligence behind her decision.

at this point she’s stuck between two non ideal choices, but she recognizes that they have accidentally made her the single most important player in the game. because while she can’t have the outcome she’d prefer, she has the power to decide the fates of everyone else. the written off lone woman now holds in her hands the fate of every man in her life.

so she thinks about the long term benefits of both options and realizes that one side leaves her completely without any leverage.

her brothers have proven to her multiple times in the last few days alone that they will cut her out and walk all over her the first chance they get. siding with them leaves her nothing to bargain with. she would just have to hope that ken would actually take care of her. and that level of vulnerability is not only unacceptable to her, it’s stupid. and shiv fuckin roy is not stupid.

so she thinks about the other side and about what she actually wants for her life. and against her better judgment, it’s becomes unfortunately clear that she wants tom. the way she wants him is not altogether loving or even good but it is necessary to her. she sees relationships as having winners and losers and she chose this man specifically so that she could be confident in her ability to win. except now he’s grown some balls and made himself unavailable to her.

she may not like the way her husband is evolving but she already placed her bets on him, so she’s sure as hell not losing to him now. there’s also a part of her that feels intrigued by this new man she’s married to. it’s interesting to have a sparring partner in him instead of having to looking for excitement outside of their marriage.

so for maybe the first time ever, she processes what tom has said to her and thinks about what he actually wants.

he needs her to prove that she cares. he needs to know that she is capable of sacrifice. if she can’t find it within herself to do this for him, then she will lose him, and by extension, she will lose.

siding with tom gives her the opportunity to once and for all make a grand-stand gesture of love, but more importantly, it creates leverage for her. never again will he be able to hold the moral high ground over her head. never again can he say she doesn’t love him. never again can he call her selfish or uncaring. above all, he can never betray her again, because she just removed all of his moral justification for turning on her. he doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s just taken back all the power in their relationship. just in a more subtle way than she’s used to operating.

and just like that, she has the ceo of a multi billion dollar company in her pocket, while situating herself as the only descendant of logan roy to still be playing the game, having removed her brothers from the equation permanently. she may still be far from the top but she’s creating a path for herself to climb.

so yes, she’ll let tom play king for a day, and she’ll have his baby and say “congratulations,” and play the gracious wife, but tomorrow is a new day with lots of room to maneuver. and when her husband puts out his hand, she’ll place her own on top. but she won’t grasp it because she doesn’t need to.

[zukosdualdao]

just… the absolute trust between zutara in the finale is unreal. after zuko’s impromptu training attack session, yes, katara is surprised and even somewhat angry as she confronts him, but when she says “you could have hurt aang!” all it reminds me of is the fact that just a few episodes ago, she literally threatened to kill him if he ever gave her a reason to think he might so something to hurt aang. but here, now, even as she’s confronting him, she just… waits for him to explain, and she actually sees and agrees with his point once zuko tells the gaang about ozai’s plan.

there is also the absolutely, 100% synchronized way they fight during the simulated training session, something that calls back to their synchronization and teamwork in the southern raiders, and that inherently shows a lot of trust and understanding between them.

katara is the one who initially asks zuko what they should do after aang disappears. everyone else agrees, but it's katara who trusts him enough to position him, not just to herself but to everyone else, as someone they should listen to because of his history, skill, and experience, especially noteworthy because the reason she gives—“you are sort of the expert at tracking the avatar”—is what used to make him untrustworthy in their eyes. they’ve come such a long way.

then katara notices zuko freeze and sit in front of iroh’s tent, and when she asks if he’s okay, he just… completely trusts her with exactly what he’s feeling, and if he’s even a little worried that what he’s saying might cause her to act derisively, because what he’s referencing here is also what katara was angry and hurt about, he doesn’t show it. he just so completely trusts her with it, and her insistence that iroh will forgive him is born from her own trust of zuko, and she's able to tell him what he needs to hear because she was once in iroh's position and zuko proved his genuine remorse and care to her.

then, of course, we've got zuko not missing a beat as he asks katara to be the one to come with him to confront azula, and her ready acceptance. they make a good team, and they know it.

but when they get there and azula challenges zuko to an agni kai - though she initially has misgivings, katara ultimately trusts zuko when he says he can handle it and understands that he doesn't want her to get hurt if she doesn't have to. (an aspect of zuko's "i can't explain it, but she's slipping" line that i think gets underexamined, btw, is that that's not an inherently good thing for them. yes, maybe that means zuko will be able to take her, particularly because he knows azula and her fighting style well. but someone who is "slipping" is also, in this case, desperate, and more prone to being reckless with people's lives. zuko tries to mitigate that by fighting her alone, but it doesn't work because azula can't follow the terms she sets when she realizes she's losing.)

the lightning scene is a really interesting example of trust as it relates to zuko and katara, because to me, the emphasis there isn't quite so much on zuko and katara trusting each other. there's barely time for katara to think through what will happen to as azula aims for her or wonder what zuko will do, after all, and zuko is probably in too much pain and too out of it to think about katara coming to try to heal him. (though if they did have the time and mental faculties to think it through, i think they would both 120 percent trust the other to help them.)

instead, the emphasis is on the audience trusting the characters. from the moment zuko sees where azula's aiming, he doesn't hesitate, doesn't even think about, just. immediately jumps in front of the lightning before it can reach katara. i've said this before, but as soon as he understood what was happening, there was just no chance of that lightning ever getting to katara and that's the point. we've seen what zuko looks like when he's hesitating or conflicted, and the difference is stark. the show never wants you to question exactly what zuko will do, that he refuses to let katara get heart, that he'll save her.

and for her part, katara immediately runs to try and save zuko despite azula still being around and attacking, and tries again before realizing she needs to defeat azula in order to do so. but the entire scene of katara's defeating her, while obviously heroic and emblematic of katara's power and the culmination of her arc as a girl whose culture and identity was nearly stripped away from her to being a master waterbender, is also framed as katara defeating azula so she can get to zuko. she would have done it anyways, yes, but in this context, right now, she is fighting azula so she can get to zuko to heal him.

here, in the narrative culmination of their arcs together, it shows not just that they trust each other, but asks the audience to not doubt the development of the dynamic that’s been built, to trust that they will take care of each other. and they do.

[steddieas-shegoes]

“Hey, Wayne said you refused to talk to the therapist.”

It was day 34 of visiting Eddie in the hospital, and there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel. If Eddie would talk to the therapist, he could be released into Wayne’s care.

The therapist spent two hours with him, and apparently got nothing more than some sighs and eye rolls.

“I didn’t like him.”

“Well, we can get you another one.”

“I don’t like them either.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“You haven’t even met them yet.”

“I just know I won’t,” Eddie said as he crossed his arms, hissing when he rubbed against the bandages still covering most of his torso.

“Do you want to stay in the hospital forever?”

“No.”

“Then why can’t you just talk to the therapist? You don’t have to tell them everything, just how you’re feeling now.”

“I don’t want to.”

Steve was trying not to get frustrated. He promised Wayne he’d try to talk some sense into him patiently. It was proving to be harder than he thought it would be.

“What is it that you don’t want to tell them?”

“That maybe I did kill Chrissy! That maybe if she had just gone home or I told her no that she’d still be alive! Maybe Vecna would have gone to the next victim and I wouldn’t have to be here in pain!” Eddie was breathing heavily, his heart monitor beeping more rapidly the more he spoke.

Steve didn’t visibly react, though he wanted to. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold Eddie, turn back time and pretend that it was possible that Chrissy wouldn’t have died, let Eddie live his life not knowing these horrors existed.

He wanted to be able to scrub the memory of carrying Eddie’s limp and bloody body from his mind so he could go back to his regular nightmares of him dying, not the man he-

“Sorry.”

Steve’s thoughts came to an abrupt halt when Eddie spoke his apology so softly into the room. It was a direct contrast to how he’d been before, and it was startling.

A thought occurred to Steve, one he hadn’t thought of in at least two years, but felt right now.

“You know, I used to be kind of friends with Chrissy. Not close, but we talked.”

Eddie stared at him curiously, probably wondering where this could be going.

“It was funny. It didn’t happen until I wasn’t popular anymore. I guess that just shows she was a great person.”

“Yeah. She was.”

“I remember I was sitting alone eating lunch. Jason and his crew weren’t there and she walked up to me and said ‘let’s be lonely together for today.’ And I guess that was our thing, being lonely together. It sounds stupid.”

“Doesn’t sound stupid to me.”

Steve looked up and saw Eddie’s wide, wet eyes staring back at him, silently begging him to continue his story. Maybe he needed this.

“It happened a few more times and then we ended up hanging out a few times before graduation. We actually,” Steve paused and bit his lip. This would give a lot away and may end up making things worse for Eddie, but he wanted to believe it would help. “We bonded over our crush on you.”

He let it sit in the air for a moment, eyes refusing to look back up at Eddie.

Until he felt a hand on his.

“You both had a crush on me? Me?!”

“Don’t tell Robin, but she was the first person I came out to. Accidentally. And it wasn’t really coming out so much as admitting I thought you were cute.”

“You thought I was cute?!”

“Well, yeah! Always playing with your hair and doodling during class. Helping the freshman find their classes. Giving those speeches. You were brave.”

“Steve. That’s not bravery.”

“It is when everyone is willing to hurt you because of who you are.”

“I barely ever actually got beat up. Words are just words.”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

Eddie nodded, swallowed, then sighed.

“Yeah. I just didn’t want anyone to feel like me.”

“That’s why we had a crush on you!”

“Well, that’s nice that you bonded over that.”

Steve didn’t like the sudden change in his tone. Like he’d liked hearing the story, but now he realized it didn’t matter.

And maybe it didn’t.

Chrissy was still gone. Eddie still had to watch her die a terrible death.

They were both still traumatized.

But Steve still had a crush on Eddie that wouldn’t go away no matter how much he repressed it.

And maybe that part of the story was something that could change for the better.

“Robin told me I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, she tells all of us that often.”

“But this is about something specific.”

“What is it?”

“Well, I never got over my crush on you. And instead of saying something about it, I just thought I’d forget about it eventually.”

Eddie blinked at him.

“Chrissy once dared me to ask you out. She said when you graduate, I should do it. Just take the risk.

She was pretty sure you were into both anyways.”

“She was right.”

“Yeah, she usually was,” Steve nodded. “But the problem here is you haven’t technically graduated yet.”

“No I haven’t.”

“You could, though.”

“Maybe.”

“But you have to get out of here first.”

“I see what you’re doing, Harrington.”

“What’s that?” Steve smirked and reached out to move Eddie’s hair away from his face.

“Bribing me to graduate with promises of a date.”

“Is it working?”

Eddie sighed. “Unfortunately.”

“Good. So you’ll talk to the therapist tomorrow?”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“You always have a choice, I’m just hoping you choose you.” ——————————— When Eddie walked across the stage two months later to get his diploma, Steve was giving him a standing ovation.

He ignored his original plan of flipping off Principal Higgins, he didn’t want more eyes on him than he already had.

He ignored it because now he had a new plan. He was gonna walk off the stage, throw his cap in the air, and then kiss Steve Harrington.

Part 2: Prologue

[anothermansjeans]

Hey i hope you get your mojo back! As my personal indulagance which hopefully also help you may i please requeat 6 and 8 from the first random dialoge list with spencer read and an NONbau reader, exstra love if its an neighrbour reader!

Love and kisses ❤️❤️❤️

thank youuuuuu!!!! i also want to apologize-- you didn't specify gn or fem! reader and i was just about done when i realized i did fem!reader, so lmk and i will happily rewrite if needed 🫶

i also don't know how i feel about this but i tried lmao

also only a little proofread...

prompts:

"Please tell me this is the part where my life doesn’t have to completely fall apart."

"This is the one time I’m wishing they’re calling about my car’s extended warranty."

cw: mention of family member dying, the word vomit being used

wc: 920

++

Spencer was very concerned. His neighbor– his very attractive, down to Earth, and kind neighbor– was frantic, eyes sunken, and just wasn't as… present as she usually is. Spencer was concerned.

His concern also may have been a bit biased because of the small crush he harbored for her… but he didn't want to think about that too hard.

He hadn't been around much recently, getting called into the BAU more often than not, but when time did allow him to linger around his building, he would see the distress on her from a mile away. The other day, right before a case, he was locking up his apartment when she was just getting home. It was quiet this time of day, but that was cut short when her phone started to ring.

“This is the one time I’m wishing they're calling about my car’s extended warranty.”

Her disgruntled mumble was pretty soft, and if Spencer wasn't right across the hall from her he wouldn't have heard it. He wanted to see if she was okay, but she answered her phone and he was being asked for his ETA at the BAU.

When that case was finally over, and he was walking back to his place, he suddenly stopped and turned towards her door. There was a package in his apartment that was placed with his mail in the mailroom, and only really looked at it last week; right before he left for a case. He would've given it to her then if he wasn't already late at the time, and he didn't feel comfortable leaving it in front of her door so this was truly the next best thing.

His plan was the following: knock on your door, tell you he has your package in his apartment, grab said package, and then leave with dignity. There was no way he could screw this up.

His knock was soft, but the way she swung open the door was a sharp contrast to that. “Please tell me this is the part where my life doesn't have to completely fall apart oh– you're not the delivery guy.”

Your dejected look caused a small ache in his chest. “No, but the delivery people tend to not come to our doors, they're supposed to stay in the mail room– you already knew that.” He was getting flustered. This was not a part of the plan. “Are you okay?” He couldn't help himself. After seeing the way you were last week, and how that hasn't changed one bit since he was gone… he really wanted to make sure all was well.

She barely waited a moment before answering. “No,” the crack in her voice was evident. “My great aunt passed and she was a horrible person, but the funeral directors were asking me which address to send the urn to and my sister stepped in making sure I didn't put mine down because I’m ‘most likely to lose aunt Pearl’s ashes’ and the rest of my family overheard and started running with the joke. With me being me I wanted to prove them wrong so I did give them my address and I still don't have the urn but they're saying it was delivered and oh my, God, I’m dumping all of this on you.” Her eyes were welled up with tears, and with how wide her eyes became he was surprised the tears hadn't started to fall. “I’m just going to… let you go on with your day. I’m so sorry, Spencer, maybe we can talk to–” she started to close the door, blocking her face that held a worrisome look.

“I have it!” It’s as if he suddenly remembered why he went over there in the first place “I’m uh, I'm assuming I have it…?”

“You do?” Her door was now wide open again, and a spark of hope was shown in her eyes.

“Yeah, that's why I came over here. I just got back from work and wanted to let you know before I grabbed it. They put it with my stuff and I didn't check it until a couple of days ago and then I had a case and–”

“Spencer?” She cut off his worried rambling.

“Yes?”

“Could you grab it please?”

“Oh! Yeah!” He was like a baby giraffe walking for the first time. His legs were not keeping up with his body as he quickly walked over to his place, unlocked his door, and made way for the box over in the corner by his bookcase. “Again, I’m sorry. I’ve been at work more than not recently and I should've brought it over as soon as I knew it was yours but–”

“Oh, I could kiss you right now!” She grabbed the box so fast it could be considered snatching, but Spencer didn't mind.

“Maybe after I take you on a date?” What the hell was that? She was excited, he was flustered, and for him, word vomit was real. “I’m sorry, I have no idea why I–”

“Spencer…” She stopped his worried ramble once again, and Spencer assumed he died and went to Heaven because there was no way the next words out of her mouth were real. “Ask me tomorrow, when I’m not all flustered. I’ll definitely say yes.”

Yeah, he definitely died and went to Heaven, because the next day, he saw her walking back from the grocery store, walked up to her, stuttered through asking her out for real, and she said yes. Just as promised.

[morganski-19]

Chills Right to the Marrow Part 24

part 1, prev part

“Oh, come on, Maria,” Eddie yells at the TV. Having fallen victim to the soap operas that run nonstop. “If you stopped sleeping with your sister’s husband, maybe she wouldn’t hate you anymore.”

Dustin snorts, finishing up his math homework. Struggling to balance his notebook over his knee. But it was worth it to spend time with Eddie. Eddie who is awake and making progress. So fast that he might actually get out of the hospital in a week or two. Have physical therapy for a while and then be back to himself.

Then everything can really start to feel like normal again.

Steve finally gets there after work. Looking alive and awake instead of drained.

He laughs when he realizes what Eddie’s watching. “Maria still sleeping with Logan?”

“Yes,” Eddie exclaims. “Like what is she thinking?”

“I’m not sure any of these people have actual brain cells,” Steve snorts when he sits next to Dustin. Eddie starting to fill in the storyline Steve has missed in the past few days.

Dustin laughs while trying to get some of his biology homework done. The test is next week and he wants to do well. Wants to prove that he’s still able to get an A after everything. That the one thing he’s prided on isn’t permanently ruined.

There’s a slight rustle as Eddie flips the blankets off of him. And again as he starts to move, slipping one leg after the other off the side of the bed. He isn’t trying to stand. He couldn’t possibly think that’s a good idea.

“What’re you doing?” Steve asks, beating Dustin to the punch. Trying to hide the concern in his voice.

“Going to the bathroom.” Eddie braces his hands on the edge of the bed, ready to try and stand.

Steve shifts to the edge of his seat. “Do you need help? I can call a nurse or something.”

“I think I can use the bathroom by myself, Harrington,” Eddie snaps. Tension rising in his voice.

He pushes himself up, arms shaking as they take on his full weight. His legs extend to a standing position. Causing his full body to shake like his arms. Struggling to keep himself upright. To hold any weight at all.

“See,” he says, voice laced with pain. One hand gripping the handrail, shaking more than the rest of his limbs. Holding most of his weight. “Perfectly capable.”

Dustin can’t help but stare helplessly as Eddie takes his hand off the rail. Tries to step forward, but his legs succumb to the weight. As he falls forward, right into Steve. Steve who stood as soon as the fall started and put himself between Eddie and the floor. Creating a much softer collision.

Steve’s hands grip under Eddie’s armpits, holding him upright. While Eddie’s knees give out and he slides to the floor. Soft and controlled by Steve. A choked sob erupts from Eddie’s throat as he swears.

“Hey,” Steve tries to soothe, “hey, it’s ok. We can get you to the bathroom.”

“Nothing is fucking ok,” Eddie says defeated. Sitting on the floor with his legs splayed behind him. Hands coming up to bat Steve’s hands away. Eyes mirroring the lost, fearful look he had back at the boat house. Glossing over with tears too tired to be shed, but waiting just in case.

Steve looks to Dustin for help, not sure where to go from here. He doesn’t know Eddie like Dustin does.

Dustin shoves his homework off to the side. Sliding off his chair and onto the floor. Filling the space that Steve leaves when he slides over. Still keeping a stabilizing hand on Eddie’s shoulder, but letting Dustin take lead.

“It might not be,” Dustin starts, not sure if it’s in the right spot. “Things might not be ok. And they might not be ok for a little while. But what matters is that you’re awake. You’re getting better, and it takes time and that sucks.”

“I can’t even lift a fucking spoon without getting exhausted,” Eddie interrupts. “I can barely sit up by myself. I used to be able to do so much, and now I’m stuck in this body that I don’t even know how to control anymore.” Eddie takes a shaky breath through his teeth. Exhaling it sharply before taking another. Chest heaving. “And everything, everything, hurts. So much. All of the time and it never stops. I wake up and it hurts, I can’t sleep because it hurts. I’m so tired of it all.”

His head hits the side of the bed as he lets out a breath. Hands shaking as they come to press at his eyes. The tremble traveling down all the way back to his shoulder. Dustin never noticed the severity of it before.

“I know you are, I can’t imagine that you’re not. And if I were in your place, I’d be just as frustrated. But there’s going to be a day where the pain gets better. As your body heals and you learn how to control it again.”

Dustin takes a deep breath, trying to find a way to verbalize the thoughts in his head. To find any way to make Eddie feel better. Coming to the conclusion that there isn’t one answer to this. No one thing that will make the pain subside, or to completely take Eddie’s mind off of it.

But his friend is near tears on the floor of a hospital shaking in pain. Muscles so weak that they can barely hold their own weight. Time spent recovering that he will never get back. Leaving him with unimaginable pain, and memories that are only adding to it all. Maybe things he can’t even remember.

All Dustin can do is try. The same way that Eddie wakes up and tries to get better. The way Steve finds way to make his migraines more manageable. The way that Wayne can step into the hospital day after day before going to work. And the way that Max is learning how to navigate life again.

The way they have all adapted to circumstances thrust upon them than none ever believed could happen. All they all can do is try to make tomorrow better than yesterday. Understanding that there will be times it becomes a little bit worse, and then has to get better all over again. This merry-go-round of healing that none of them have perfected. But try to.

“You will get better, Eddie.”

Eddie huffs. “And if I don’t.”

“You will,” Steve cuts in. “I know cause I did. The bites healed, my head got better. Not without leaving their own unique scars. But you get used to it after a while. The pain, it’s still there, just sometimes isn’t as loud.”

“Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and feel like they’re still biting me.”

Steve scoffs. “Yeah, phantom pains are a bitch. Wait until they start itching like crazy. They’ll give you a cream for it, it doesn’t help.”

Eddie lets out a sarcastic victorious sound. “Help me get back on the bed, please.”

His voice sounds so defeated it hurts. Dustin doesn’t say anything about it though. Knowing what it took just to ask for help. Not needing to make this more difficult that it actually was.

They get Eddie back into the bed. Watching as he falls into the mattres, seeing almost immediate relief. They call a nurse in, see a glimpse into Eddie’s life while they’re not there. What life has been like for him.

What it will be like for him. For who knows how long.

“Your head,” Eddie says after a long break of silence. The question directed at Steve. “I didn’t know there was anything wrong with it.”

Steve nods, gently. “I’ve had about four concussions in my life. Two really severe ones and then two other’s that did not compare. But I get migraines, real bad ones. And there’s this ringing in my right ear that just won’t quit sometimes.”

“Shit, that sucks.”

“Yeah, it does. The migraines get so bad I can barely get out of bed. Barely eat anything. Robin has to come over at feed me smoothies or water so I don’t dehydrate.”

Dustin just sits there and watches as they talk about it. Their pain. Not understanding the full depths of it. The complexities that come only with experience. But he watches as Eddie calms down, knowing that he’s not alone in this. That someone else can understand even a crumb of what he’s going through. Steve looking relieved to finally tell someone else what he’s been going through. To have another person understand.

Eddie eventually falls asleep. Listening to some story Steve thought of to change the subject. To help get Eddie’s mind in a place outside of the hospital. It’s so peaceful when the hospital quiets down as the hours go by. Dustin used to find it excruciating. Now he knows that it means people are at some sort of peace.

Something everyone could use, even for a short period of time.

“You did good in there,” Steve says as they finally leave. “I didn’t really know what to do, but I think you calmed him down a bit.”

“I just hate seeing him like that.”

“I do too.” Steve puts his hand on Dustin’s shoulder. “But he’ll get better, just like you said. It will take a long time, and he might never get back to the place he was before. But he will get better. You’re helping to remind him of that.”

Better isn’t perfect. But it’s good. And good is better than bad. Dustin can take the better this time. Knowing that it will never be perfect, but it will be enough.

next part

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@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,

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[kneelingshadowsalome]

Idea I've had for highschool sweetheart to make könih further rot in guilt because it's silly and amusing that I simply had to share <3

In cliques of the nature of his bullies there are always the internal dynamics people outside don't see. Like how one person is never felt true compliments, only back handed ones if not just straight up insults. Fed lies about how no one else would ever be friends with them, the punching bag of within the clique to keep the glue of the group strong and firm. Naturally it would have been the shyest and most bookish person within the group. But you've known these people your entire life they didn't always act like this they used to be kind and good. (right? they, they were kind once right?) so day dreams become an escape because how could anyone be friends with you? How could anyone tolerate you? Especially after you were around the clique, how could you ever approach the quiet boy who you knew they picked on. He must hate you. You longed to be friends (don't delude yourself you didn't wish to be friends you wished to be lovers but start small right). How could you ever approach him. And then graduation comes and you're abandoned. You can heal and begin to find your personhood. You can pick the shattered pieces of your confidence up off the floor and glue your life back together. It takes years but eventually you gather up the courage to reach out to the boy after he misses the reunion. You want to apologize for your passivity at least. You must after all. (You were children and both victims in your own right but how could this ever be spoken of? You must play the role of the bystander because who would ever believe otherwise? You may have healed but there are still cracks of course.) and much later maybe he learns all this, maybe he reads it in a journal or a letter addressed to him, maybe you finally get the courage to tell him. And the guilt and rot grows like fungus over his heart, eating his anger alive and churning out something like grief in return. Not that you'd noticed the anger, you just saw the second chance, of course he would be wary of you, of course he would have changed over the decade, but a decade of growth was only done on the foundation of the boy you loved before. How could you not love the man he's become now?

tee hee I'm going insane I hope you enjoy my little ramble

Yes yes yes the delicious reveal of how it was for her, that she wasn’t having a happy time in the clique, that she, too, was suffering! ❤️‍🩹

In my opinion König would eventually come to his senses. If we’re treating this scenario with actual seriousness, he would eventually see that what he’s doing is useless and stupid and hurtful and unjust to both of them. I mean he’s clinically insane, he’s nasty and troubled and traumatized and works for a fucking PMC and tortures people but... he’s not rotten to the core. König is like a stray dog that bites if it feels like it’s about to get cornered and beaten again, and that’s his viewpoint with high school sweetheart actually. It may sound silly and misplaced but he’s just too triggered to see that he’s about to do a royal fuck-up with her.

And the unbearable shame when he realizes? When he faces the thing he has become? It’s simply too much to bear, he has worked so hard on himself & to put that shit behind him, he’s built confidence from scratch, he’s built actual, physical muscle just to feel better about himself, he probably joined the military because it was his middle finger to the world. Yes, he had aspirations and actual passions concerning the sniper dream but he’s also driven by this need to prove a shitload of people wrong.

And in walks this babe who reminds him of a time when he was nothing. Absolutely nothing. How do you love that? Because ultimately, it means you have to love yourself and who you were before you became the incredible Austrian Hulk. At the core of it is a 6 feet deep insecurity because König doesn’t feel he’s worthy of her at all.

I think the only thing that would cleanse his heart from pain is the revelation that she suffered too. As sad as it is, that’s what makes his heart crack open because then he gets to play the savior. But then comes the “Do you still love me even if I almost turned into the monster I always battled against” part… Because König would pay her authenticity "generously" by revealing the bully he almost became. And I think that’s when high school sweetheart really needs to ask herself if she’s up for this kind of shit, if she’s actually ready to love this man who isn’t as cool and tough as she thought he was, who is deeply flawed and resentful and childish and cruel.

Part of her probably knows that already and even loves his flaws, but loving König is like loving that stray dog. He’s gonna bring fleas and dried-up mud into your house eventually. Especially if you feed him and give him a scratch… Put a nice, cosy bed for him by the fire... Tell him he's cute when he whines next to your bed... Teach him it’s ok to prefer to sleep with you instead :/

[lola-bunn1]

somebody that i used to know pt 3

part one, part two

A couple of days later, and Neteyam still couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe you were carrying his child. He’s been dreaming of this ever since he’s known you

He took great care of you, helping you walk whenever you had to (he insisted on you being on strict bed rest), worrying over you, etc.

Each night, he’d spend some time with his head on your stomach, not laying it fully so he doesn’t put pressure on the baby, but enough to hear the heartbeat of his child

and he’d mutters small sentences like

“you have a strong heart”

“i bet you’ll be as pretty as your mother”

“eywa, i’m so lucky to be here”

He told his parents, and they weren’t really that shocked. They knew you would never betray him, you two were obsessed with each other. No way you’d move on so fast, it was impossible.

Neytiri though, was over the moon. She loved you a lot, and was so happy to know you were carrying her grandchild.

She took great care too, telling you not to stand for long, to eat lots of fruits and talk to your baby a lot, said it’s so the child gets used to the voice and knows it’s their mother speaking

Lo’ak and Kiri would often visit, and listen to the baby’s heartbeat as well, asking questions once every five minutes

The days would go by like this a lot, until one day you had been with Tsireya, the two of you talking about your partners. Her talking about Lo’ak and you talking about Neteyam of course

You had been getting big and it was getting harder for you to stand up, so she offered to help you up. As you began to walk, you felt water come out of you

Your eyes widening, thinking you had peed yourself. Till you realize it was just water, you headed to Ronal while a very panicked Tsireya ran to call Neteyam

Neteyam moved out of his parents marui and went to live with you, so he didn’t really see them much. So today out of all days, he went to visit.

He was sitting with his family as they ate lunch together

“Neteyam!” Tsireya yelled, panting as she ran in, “Y/n’s water broke!”

He began choking on his food till Lo’ak smacked his back (it was pretty hard and he was sure Lo’ak helped just so he can have a free pass to hit him which he was getting payback for)

Neytiri went with him, finding you outside the marui, with Ronal trying to push you inside

“What’s going on why are we outside?” Neteyam asked

“The miss over here is too scared to go inside!” Ronal said in a stern tone

“Look maybe if I just wait it out it’ll go away!” You nervously tried to explain

“Y/n, my love. There is no reason to be scared, i’m right here with you. I wish i could feel the pain instead, but sadly I can’t—“

“Oh shut up!” You yelled, “We both know you don’t wanna feel this pain right now!”

“Uh—“

“You know what, I’m going in just to prove to you that I’m stronger than you and you will always be a loser” You said, going in with you head held high

“Okay what just happened…” Neteyam spoke to himself

“Listen to me, Neteyam. You cannot take the things she says personally, it’s just the pain speaking” Neytiri said, “Now come”

He held your hand as you took deep breaths. When it was time to push, you screamed loudly as you squeezed his hand

“Y/n—my hand!” He yelled, screaming at the pain of you basically crushing his hand

The two of you kept screaming until the baby was finally out, you both went quiet as they cleaned the baby

It was a boy

They gave him to you, smiling as you looked at your sweet child. You looked to Neteyam to see him getting teary eyed

When you gave him to Neteyam, he held his baby, looking at his features. He looked just like him. The two of you held hands (acting like he definitely didn’t need a hand cast bc it was defo broken. he swore he heard a crack.) smiling at each other and sharing a kiss

After a couple of days of bed rest and gifts and visits, you finally went to your shared marui. Taking small shifts for who takes care of your son while the other slept

One night, it was Neteyams turn. You woke up early this time even if his shift wasn’t done yet. You turned to see him silently looking at his child, something clearly on his mind

You placed a hand on his shoulder, “Ma Nete? What is wrong?” You asked

“Nothing I just…forget it” He said

“No, talk to me, my love.” You sincerely said

He looked to you and sighed, “I just…I wish I had been here earlier. You had to go through the pregnancy alone for five months, I wish I had been there to take care of you. To experience the firsts. I wish I wasn’t stupid enough to let you leave—“

“Hey” You said, “I’m the one who left, Neteyam. It was my fault. But we found our way back to each other, it’s a sign from Eywa that we’re destined to be together. You’re here now, Ma Nete and you don’t have to worry. Who said there won’t be another?” You smiled at him

He chuckled and cradled your face, kissing you lightly and hugging you

“How did I get so lucky to be with you, my love?” He whispered

taglist: @xoxobabe @black-and-white1 @seomako

@mashiromochi @dncee @nao-cchi

[herejusttosufferalong]

Re: To the anon asking about Rory.

They’ve been close friends for AGES. He’s not going anywhere sadly.

I don’t really like his vibe

Hey, I’m the one who asked about Rory—thanks for replying. I know they’ve been besties forever, but what I meant was if Rory was a huge part of L’s life before HBS. I don’t remember seeing him much when L and J were together, except in a couple of stories and the singing vids. Also, are Tom and Charmaine married? I like them for some reason; they don’t give me the ick like Rory and his gang do.

Continuation of my earlier ask:

My BFF and I talked to two of our male friends, and they patiently listened. We just finished filling them in on the drama from yesterday and today. We’ve been chatting since 5 am lol. Here’s what they had to say:

Luke and Nic are in love: There’s a lot of eye-fucking to prove it. The tension suggests they haven’t acted on it, which is expected. The guys think Nic wouldn’t be okay with that, and Luke seems decent enough not to have crossed that line. However, they do believe they might have hooked up before Luke had his HBS. They could be reevaluating their relationship, using intimacy tools to see if it’s genuine affection or just heightened emotions and sexual tension from filming their season.

Luke’s friend group seems toxic: By friend group, they mean just Rory. The others seem fine. L dating a young girl soon after Rory did confirms Rory as the alpha of the group, and L as gullible since none of his other friends are doing the same. Maybe J dating someone young also influenced L dating A. It could be an ego thing, a guy thing, or both. L will probably cringe at this situation looking back. They said this whole relationship has nothing to do with Nic. This is Luke’s problem—a midlife crisis, even—and he needs to figure it out, which won’t happen as long as he’s with Rory and his gang.

A is super insecure: It doesn’t make sense because she’s the one who bagged the hot Netflix lead and goes on vacations with him. But her social media behavior reeks of insecurity and constantly seeking validation. This confirms that L isn’t invested in the relationship, which confirms to us he’s VERY much into Nic. So, think about this whenever A’s trolling upsets you. 😉

Nicola doesn’t care: The guys think L and N might have discussed their feelings, but Nic sees that L has issues to deal with—mainly himself. She’s hustling and thriving, not caring about his current relationship. Posting their pictures shows her character and work ethic. This only benefits her, and Luke should learn from it. They think L should make a final thank you post, even if people find it disingenuous. It’s better than nothing.

A needs to chill with the Hailey Bieber cosplay: The white outfit was an exact recreation of Hailey’s, and it’s weird. She keeps track of her comment section and allows comparisons to Hailey, which is embarrassing to say the least. The guys think A will stick around as long as she can. L seems to struggle with breakups, and now that A’s integrated into his friend group, it’ll take a lot of time to end things. She might be playing into his guilt, which is why he’s still liking her posts. She's young but smart enough to understand that. They think the only way out is for L to keep busy with work, but he doesn’t seem to have any now. Expect things to get worse before they get better. If he works, he can slowly distance himself from the relationship, and it will inevitably end. Either that or he’ll meet Nic, talk, realize they still have feelings, and that will give him the courage to end it with A. Even then, he has to make it up to Nic for all the shit he’s pulled.

Nic and Newts dating: Once they start dating, we won’t get a hard launch or pap pics. They might return to their old social media banter and comment and like each other’s posts.

So yeah, I’m really grateful to have my brother and these friends who indulge and listen to me. I think it’s safe to say they’re roped into the ship as well lol. Love to see what you guys think. Omg, also, I watched a TikTok of Luke singing as a teen, and the guy in the back looks like Rory. If it is, HE’S the one who glowed up, not L lol.

It is Rory in the background looking jealous AF

Thank you for sharing anon, love seeing the different perspectives

💜🥃

[dreamwritersworld]

On my own… part 2 (sully family x reader)

There’s a reason why the word ‘dreams’ got Jake so upset when it came out of Y/n’s mouth, it’s all the child ever talked about.

*7 year old Y/n*

It was just Jake and Y/n in the home since Neytiri decided to take the boys and Kiri on a trip to some area in the forest she used to visit since Jake wasn’t up and he had a headache Y/n offered to stay home to cheer him up!

“I want to fly! Be strong and conquer the world! I will some day, it’s all I’ve ever dreamt of! Doesn’t it sound beautiful dad? Eywa told me through my dream! I mean really it-“

Jake couldn’t hear Y/n talk anymore, about a life she won’t ever realistically achieve, it was his final straw when she said Eywa sent her the dream.

“Y/n how could Eywa even send you a dream like that, it is not real.”

Y/n gave a surprised face to her father’s louder voice but she decided to ignore it maybe…he didn’t mean it?

“Oh..well I believe it’s real sir! You can achieve dreams if you just push for them! It’s brings such happiness-“

Unfortunately for the child she was not his cure to any of his happiness and only caused his headache to linger around longer and hurt more well, since they were alone…it didn’t exactly end well for Y/n.

“Eywa doesn’t send you dreams! They are not real!”

Instantly the child who didn’t like the loud noise and yelling, started crying. She flinched at her fathers hand that raised towards her..

“Ok!”

“They aren’t real Y/n! And your dreams…they’re just fucking dreams! Do you understand me?”

“Yes!”

“Say if I want to hear you say it!”

“My dreams are just dreams!”

“Say it again!”

“My dreams are just dreams!”

Jake had nodded off to the girl before turning back around to the meal he was eating while Y/n slowly walked back to her hammock with tears falling down quickly.

You see? Y/n wasn’t always able to handle Jake’s outbursts…but now it seems as though it’s easy for her

-*

I ran faster than I ever have before adrenaline was the only thing keeping me stable…None of this was supposed to go out this way, they were supposed to be right beside me…and if I die tonight would I do it again…? I never knew how much anger could lie in me, not until this moment…I’m just so upset and scared. I have no one. I have nobody to run to for a hug, to hear a congratulations from or fly with at the end of my ceremony. Neteyam, Lo’ak and Kiri had that…so why can’t I? Does my father really I’m that incapable? Mother just stood there watching the entire thing…we weren’t always like this, with father yes but at one point my mother cared.

And my siblings faces? You can completely tell they realized before they were forced to leave, that my father was willing to go far…just to break me from asking again…to risk me sacrificing myself for something that could be done the right way without me having to die as a second choice?! …was it obvious to everybody else? That I’d fallen for a lie…the fact that our father couldn’t find it in his heart to give me what I deserve.

Forget it, I just need to get through this so I can prove them wrong and show them that I don’t need any ounce of their disrespect anymore.

It was pitch black and as if it wasn’t bad enough I didn’t have anything to secure that I’d actually do this on my own.

I just put my hand out and used my feet to memorize my surroundings, I was used to doing this in a way…I trained myself to be in the dark because, dad used to wake me up in the middle of the night after being upset at me a couple hours before and he’d tell me to sit in the dark somewhat farther back from our home, in the pitch black…so I’d have to find my way back home..

If we’re being quite honest I’m doing great! This isn’t that difficult-

Screeches and warrior like cries can be heard from an ikran nearby, ok this is it…sounds a little too loud and aggressive to be a regular Ikran..but ok..

I reach for what feels like the neck and try holding on until it threw me to the wall, pulled me back in a little too agresssive and suddenly I was flying….without an ikran.

Panic rushed in as I beg for Eywa to save me. For a moment there I was going to faint but I felt an ikran sweep from under me thrashing me around but catching me everytime before I fall…this ikran really isn’t giving up on me, I won’t either not now, not ever. I hold on tighter holding it by it’s neck and quickly make tsaheylu.

I can feel everything, it’s frustration, sadness overwhelmed happiness, and eagerness to just fly. So I gave the ikran and i what we needed i flipped and did tricks while the excitement rush through us. It was ok to be on the edge of it all…but you must always bring yourself back in.

After awhile I decided I flew pretty far so I found a bright place to sit so I can get a proper look at my ikran and get some rest.

“I’m gonna take a better look at you buddy! I just want my eyes to be closed before I see you so bare with me please!” I jumped off and accidentally slid down its huge wing. “Woah- you seem larger than I expected..”

I open my eyes once I hit the ground and right In front of me was a beautiful ikran, orange with beautiful dark red stripes on his wings…toruk makto.

“Oh my- you weren’t even supposed to be where I was at, you’re never in the Iknimaya mountains…you..you’re perfect!” he snuggled in towards me slightly. Tears rush into my eyes thinking about me achieving my dream and more.

“You chose me. Even when I was falling to my death you came back for me to keep fighting…you are where my loyalties lie.” I make tsaheylu once more to show my appreciation but to also feel his stories…he feels some sense of betrayal and confusion..towards my father.

My father caught him, used him for battle and then simply returned back to his regular ikran ‘bob’ as if toruk makto was nothing. He then showed me how he saw me from above, and watched me from afar…showing how he saw the way my father treated me…how they left me, and then he made me feel strong because he showed all my training I had done and all the work I was doing around the village…how I enjoyed taking some risks despite my past…the way I still smiled and showed respect towards others and ended with showing me how Eywa sent him to me…what surprised me the most is when he showed fire, I didn’t understand it but it reminded me that this entire time my body felt so warm and felt like my heart was on fire…burning.

Yes, I was very happy to finally have a bond but…when I looked around me and realized no one else was near me, I just gave out a stressful sigh before finally allowing myself to be free in my emotions…

*meanwhile back at home…*

“Ma’Jake w-why would you do that? She won’t-“

“Exactly she won’t make it , she knows that. In a few minutes she’s coming back just sit down and wait.”

The three siblings came back in the tent with a sleeping Tuk, all upset.

Lo’ak was the first to speak up for Y/n…

“Why would you do that dad? You’re asking for her to just die or get hurt? We have to go now.”

Jake now was reacting out of more anger

“You have no clue what she was sa-“

Neteyam was next to join the conversation…he was just so upset he didn’t even care what was coming out.

“We heard everything dad. Why are you asking that of her? Why do you make everything so hard for her? She has done nothing to you.” Neteyam was turning on his heels walking out the home to find Y/n….until he was yanked back

“You leave when I tell you to leave! Do you understand me? I will not risk you guys getting hurt for her choices. I gave her a choice she made the wrong one.”

“A choice?! What choice dad? You leave her with nothing and practically force her to do her Iknimaya under difficult circumstances knowing she can die!”

“Sit Down right now! And be quiet! I don’t want to hear it at all!”

The entire family went quiet and sat down, with rage still fueled inside them. All Neytiri could think about was her wrongs…did she really just allow her husband to send out their daughter?

*neytiri’s thoughts*

My vision is blurry and my heart hurts…why? For a daughter that holds deep secrets?….after the incident she was in when she was six, she didn’t come back the same. Her body was stronger, she did things quicker…and when she was emotional you can feel it radiating off of her, you can see these visions…like she’s showing you her present and her future, only by the touch of her skin. Jake said it was best to just stop her from having any emotions or being close to anyone else because he once saw her in the woods..scared and alone crawled up in a ball creating a ring of fire around her. I’m not even sure she remembers that, I let Jake handle everything with her…her punishments, her overwhelming emotions, all of it. He said it’s best.

I used to look at Y/n like she was my whole world…when she was just a baby still. Her skin was soft and she was beautiful! Oh and her smile, kindness, and the way she was able to love with her whole heart. Sensitive and stupid as Jake says…but had we gone too far on trying to protect her? Wouldn’t this make her emotions worse..? How could we keep pushing our daughter away?

Truth was Y/n wasn’t even adopted.. Jake said that even though Lo’ak and Y/n are twins, we would only show the clan Lo’ak as our biological child…make up a lie about two warriors, no one even bat an eye, believed everything we said. The reason we didn’t want it getting out was because at the time the scientists who were here wanted a biological daughter from Jake to help in their ‘experiments’. They said they would be able to make her strong, and connect with the world in many ways since Jake had Eywa by his side..a daughter would be considered more of a blessing in the scientists eyes. Stating that females were more vulnerable, gentle, sensitive so the results will be more apparent. She’d be able to produce a stronger version of Navi’s if she passed by Eywa herself..who was to guarantee that? So I made Jake deny all of it and they finally stopped asking, we never even bothered to tell her the truth…how would she react?

We even buried ourself deep in our own lie..we don’t treat her as our own.

*

Neytiri gets up after 15 minutes

“You go right now! Go look for Y/n. I will not wait here while my daughter is out there.” Jake turns to his wife in disbelief while Neytiri could careless.

“Go right now. If she isn’t here…I will not hesitate to blame you.”

Neytiri turned back around telling everyone else to just rest and that Y/n will be back soon with both Jake and herself.

Then they flew…it had felt like longing minutes and Y/n wasn’t anywhere. They had search everywhere, Neytiri’s heart started to burn…something or some part of y/n was still here, maybe Y/n had got her ikran and it was flying around.?

“Neytiri..we have looked everywhere, she will come h-“

“No! We will not rest until she makes it home.”

“She would not leave! Y/n will never leave, she loves her siblings too much.”

“Jake! She could be dead.”

Silence stayed between the two parents, jake contemplates everything..he was so upset with Y/n. He just keeps pushing forward to look more, to satisfy Neytiri’s sudden change in emotion towards Y/n.

While that was happening Neteyam had Lo’ak and Kiri hold everything down at home while he searched for Y/n. He flew farther out instead of staying close to home…If there was one other thing Y/n wanted it was to leave home..for some reason she never found it in her heart. He spotted a body laying on bioluminescent flowers..Y/n.

“Y/n! Wake up now. We are going home.”

She rose at the sound of her brother stern and yelling voice.

“…is he still mad?”

“Very. He’s looking for you with mom. She’s even madder. You could’ve died. How could you-“

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I’m frustrated with everything already so I need you to shame me too?”

“Right…that’s why you’re still here. Resting as if nothing is going on back home.”

“…I can’t go back. I thought it might be different this time…They will shut me out even more..I can’t do this. I’m so exhausted.”

Neteyam felt a sense of betrayal, Y/n always followed them, always remained loyal and now she doesn’t want to come home? He isn’t used to this ‘treatment’ and he doesn’t even taken into consideration that this was about their parents.

“This is all about you..”

Full irritation erupted in Y/n as she feels the burning in her heart start again..

“Yes! It’s about me! Ok? Cause it’s never about me and I’m finally making it about me. Haven’t i given enough? You do not know the full story Neteyam. Do not go around saying things you may regret, because I don’t need it. Not right now.”

“…What’s the full story?”

y/n never told anyone the way her dad spoke to her, how he pushed her around sometimes..She can’t tell Neteyam right now and her sorrow came back..

“please don’t ask that..you’re my brother and this may be the only time, that we can talk normally..he’ll punish me..”

“how y/n..? Just tell me.”

Sobs came from the girl, to Neteyam they sounded exactly the way she cried when she was little…always silently crying upset about something no one understood why, at least not him…he was the only one who knew Y/n would cry by herself.

“..I just…I can’t say it..”

Neteyam’s just went to hug Y/n and held her while she cried, facing the fact that she won’t ever tell him or anyone what was going on..

“…where is your ikran?”

Y/n calls out and toruk makto came flying in, she was panicking inside because something felt it was ready to burn…she tried controlling it but in a way she was running into the crossfire ..she didn’t even bother to see Neteyam’s reaction to toruk.

“Let’s just go please. I’m done.”

Then they flew back home…

!💕!

Fun fact!

Y/n considered not going back home yes, but she realized she shouldn’t run away from problems like her father

Toruk had always chosen Y/n! He wanted to bond with her as soon as she was old enough to get her ikran. His frustration with Jake only grew when he realized it was him who stopped her.

Lo’ak and Kiri were talking about how strange it was that their father easily put his hands on Y/n to hurt her..

Y/n doesn’t know that she has powers! She doesn’t remember because In those moments her mind goes blank.

Neteyam saw a small vision of fire but it was very faded because Y/n unknowingly got her powers under control as she grew!

Tag list: @noodlesfics @eywas-heir @itshype @zatarias-pandora @yeosxxx @arminsgfloll @tsireyak @neteyamforlife @aimsro @elegantkidfansoul @goodiesinthecloset21 @nikotokitaswife @bucky1235 @detectivesparrow @kikosaurscave @ssc7514 @destinylb @simp-erformarvelwomen @eirianna @ambria @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @lv9su @luciddasher @dakotali @httpjiikook @tainted-artist4161 @fanboyluvr @bat1212 @mxn14 @innersuitcasehairdoscissors @ducks118 @midnightliacr

[atinylittlepain]

hello bestie im back here again with a joel idea <33

ur smut is so fucking good but im in need of some nice fluff rn because I love the last of us but god that show is hard to watch i get so emotional its hard to keep watching sometimes

but for a fluff idea where the reader, joel, and ellie settle down in jackson and Joel begins to realize that he's happy again and he becomes unsure because he feels guilty about sarah but it ends happily bc its what all of them deserve

my darling, my comrade, thank you for bringing this idea to me. i hope i did it justice <3

gif by @maygrant

Good

Joel Miller x f!reader

joel miller masterlist

Stuck between the despair of the past and fear for the future, Joel struggles to accept the goodness he's found in the present.

warnings | 18+ angst, living with grief, lovely sweetness

..........................

“I still can’t believe that. All that time in FEDRA school and they never taught you how to swim?” Ellie huffs at that, stomping a little further ahead of Joel as she mutters.

“It’s not like we had a fucking pool to do laps in, old man. Give me a break.” He breathes out a laugh, glancing away from the kid and toward his woman as she falls into step beside him.

“No time like the present, kid. Gonna have you swimming like a pro by the end of the day.” He can’t help but smile at her words, and in anticipation of the spectacle that watching her teach Ellie how to swim is going to be. They had lucked out, all three of them having this perfect summer day off from class and shifts in town, and had packed up their day in rucksacks to hike out to the nearby lake with the promise that Ellie would finally learn how to swim.

Life has been– he won’t think the word good, not wanting to jinx anything– but maybe normal? They’ve been living in Jackson for a few months now, and he never thought he’d get used to things like running water and home cooked food ever again, but it seems like he has. Ellie goes to classes while they pick up shifts wherever they’re needed, and at the end of the day, they all come… home. He supposes it is home now, and that makes him nervous as hell. He knows better than most that the minute you get used to something in this world, it tends to disappear on you, and maybe that’s what has been making him hold his woman -  the same woman he crawled across the country with - a little closer when they go to sleep each night in their nice, comfortable bed. 

His thoughts have been swirling between these fears for the future, and a deep despair for the past. If he stays surface level, he usually concludes that he doesn’t deserve any of this, any of the smiles, the easing laughs with Ellie, the sweet press of his woman’s palm along his shoulders letting him know she’s still there. Not after everything he did to get by before. But if he needles past the last twenty years, he hits something that stings even more when he remembers that any happiness he gets, Sarah will always be gone. 

He’s starting to be pulled under by his mind as they continue hiking, but she keeps him buoyed with the way she tangles her fingers with his, offering him a smile as they near the lake. They all shrug off their packs in the grass, she and Ellie already toeing off their shoes. When he sits down with a groan, leaning back on his hands, she gives him a questioning look.

“You’re not coming in?” He squints up at her, the mid-day sun a halo around her head.

“Someone oughta keep lookout. You two go on.” Her mouth twists up, but she drops it with a shrug, pulling off her t-shirt to reveal the faded swimsuit she had managed to trade for along with Ellie’s. The kid is standing with her hands on her hips, looking out at the lake like she’s surveying a new planet. She sidles up alongside Ellie, slinging her arm over the girl’s shoulder and murmuring something about “proving the old man wrong” that makes her laugh, the worry scrunching up her face quick to relieve itself. Joel doesn’t even have time to be annoyed at what she called him, times like these making him quick to thaw, when the kid actually gets to be a kid. 

As she is in most things, Ellie is a quick learner, after some initial trepidation, and soon Joel’s watching the two of them dip and swerve through the water, the picture of grace in the clear summer heat. He smiles to himself, remembering how Sarah learned how to swim. Tommy bribed her into the rec center pool with the promise of a strawberry milkshake, and by the end of the day, Joel had to bribe her out of the pool with the promise of fries to go with said milkshake. The pain is quick to settle in at the memory. He finds himself bringing a palm to his chest, trying to rub out the ache even though he knows it won’t ever go away.

His attention is pulled away by Ellie hauling herself out of the lake, bending over and shaking her dripping hair out before plopping down next to him to rummage through her pack. He glances down at his jeans, now darkened by spots of water from her aggressive shake-off, before turning and quirking his brow at her. Already scarfing down her sandwich, she shrugs, mumbling through a mouthful.

“What? I’m fucking starving, man.” He shakes his head, trying to look annoyed, but failing miserably with the smile he can’t fight off.

“Language, kid. And you’re gonna have to wait a while after eating that if you wanna get back in.” Her brow furrows at that.

“Why?” 

“Because– because you– look, that’s just the rule, ok? S’what they always said– gotta wait a while after you eat if you wanna swim.” 

“Who’s they?” That makes him huff.

“I don’t know, alright? Christ, do whatever you want.” He knows it’s too harsh, but he’s having a hard time staying in the present when the past is hanging so heavy over him. He sighs, resting his arms over his knees and leaning forward, his gaze unfocusing into the grass.

“Joel?”

“Hmm?” He keeps his gaze hung low, just tilting his head slightly toward Ellie to let her know he is listening.

“Are you ok?” The question catches him entirely off guard, his head whipping around to look at her, his eyes squinted. 

“I’m fine.” Ellie mirrors his own expression, eyes squinting, mouth in a close line as she nods.

“You deserve to be ok, y’know? I believe that.” She just keeps surprising him, and he coughs hard, trying to clear the tightness in his throat before he responds.

“I know, kid. Thank you– I’ll be ok.” She nods again, seeming to accept his answer as she looks back out at the lake. His eyes follow, seeing his woman, floating on her back with a serene look on her face, her arms lightly swaying in the water. He knows Ellie had slipped and called her mom the other day. Maybe it wasn’t a slip at all. 

“Well, if I can’t get back in right now, one of us might as well. Go on, old man. I’ll keep lookout.” He grumbles at the nickname that both of them seem to have settled on for him, but the heat has gotten to him just enough that he listens to her, getting up and shrugging out of his unlaced boots, his t-shirt and jeans quick to follow.

“Jesus, my eyes!” He huffs as Ellie cackles to herself, but is a little too focused on the look his woman is giving him from the middle of the lake to pay much mind to her jabs. 

The water is cool, a relief to every aching joint in his body as he wades in. He can’t remember the last time he did something like this. She meets him in the middle of the lake, an easy smile on her lips as she winds her arms around the back of his neck.

“Hey, handsome.” Even after all this time, he’s still prone to blushing when she talks like that, all syrup and sweetness. He scoffs to hide the creeping heat, his one hand coming to skate up and down her back. She tilts her head, seeming to search his face as she murmurs lowly.

“You’ve been scowling all day. Gonna tell me what’s going on?” She can read him like a book, always could, and it drives him insane most of the time.

“M’fine.” By the look on her face, he knows she isn’t going to accept that answer. He sighs.

“I just– this doesn’t feel real. Like– it’s too good to be true, don’t you think?” Her brow furrows at his words.

“I think it’s good for sure. But I can understand what you mean– waiting for the other shoe to drop, right?” He nods, both of them swaying lightly in the ebb of the water.

“It’s that– but I can’t stop thinking about– about–” His words fizzle out in his throat as he catches sight of something, a flickering of movement hovering just above the water. 

Wings. The smallest splotches of colors blinking like eyes. A butterfly. The only thing that runs through his mind is a name. Her name. His Sarah.

Suddenly, a breathy laugh is rolling out of him.

“What? What is it? Is this– are you having a stroke?” The ridiculousness of the genuine worry across her face just makes him laugh more, his hands finding purchase on her waist and pulling her closer. 

“Joel, this isn’t funny. What’s–” He cuts her off with a smacking kiss, her face stunned when he pulls away.

“I’m fine, darlin. I’m gonna be fine.” He glances one more time at the butterfly, alighted on the surface of the lake for a second before it flutters away. But he knows she hasn’t really left him. Wherever he goes, he knows he has her with him.

He kisses his woman again, this time to the much-vocalized chagrin of Ellie on the water’s edge.

“Gross! You guys are scarring me for life here!” She pulls away from him with a laugh, hollering at Ellie to mind her own business before fixing her attention back on him with a grin.

“Good?” He nods.

“Good.”

[angelasscribbles]

All That She Wants Chapter 8: Conversations

Series: All That She Wants

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings for this chapter: Riley x Drake, Riley x Liam

Word Count: 1,026

Rating: M

Warnings for this chapter: none

My other stuff: Master List.

Riley x Drake

Riley lay on her back, chest heaving, sweat glistening on her skin. Drake flopped down on the mattress next to her, equally satiated.

When she caught her breath, she broached the subject that had kept her up last night. “Why did you get a vasectomy in the first place?”

He rolled up on his side so he could watch her face as he answered. “I didn’t want kids.”

Riley’s eyes stayed locked on the ceiling. “Then why would you agree to have a reversal?”

He reached out to twirl an errant strand of her hair around his finger. “Because you want a baby.”

She finally turned her head to look at him. “But you don’t.”

He froze for a second, then resumed playing with her hair. “I want you to be happy.”

“That’s it?”

He blew out a sigh as he unwound and released the lock that was twisted around his index finger. He dropped his eyes from hers to stare, instead, at the blue and white stripes of the sheets on his bed. “What do you want me to say, Riley? That I’ve waited eight years for you to notice me? That I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep you in my life?”

“But why?”

“Because I love you, okay?” He exploded in exasperation. “I fucking love you and I will do anything I have to do to prove that to you!”

Maybe then she’d take him seriously.

He hated the pity in her voice as she responded. “Drake…. I don’t know what to say. I—”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He interrupted her as he rolled abruptly in the other direction and sat up, swinging his legs off the bed. “If you want a baby, I’ll give you one. I don’t hate the idea, which frankly astounds and terrifies me a little. I will be as involved, or not, as you want me to be. I know you don’t feel the same way about me. All I ask is that you continue to give me the chance to change that.”

“Okay.” She agreed quietly as she watched him stand and quickly redress.

“I have to get back to work.” He made it to the door before turning back to her. With an intensity that scared her a little, he told her, “He doesn’t love you, Riley. Not like I do.”

Riley x Liam

She looked up from the three dresses she was trying to choose between when the bedroom door opened. “Liam! I thought you were in meetings all day today.”

“I canceled them.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “Why?”

“Because we need to talk.”

She carefully lowered the dress she was holding on the bed, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She straightened up and faced him, twisting her fingers together to disguise the shaking of her hands.

This was it.

“Have you come to a decision?”

“I have.” He crossed the room in several long strides and drew her into his arms. “I want to make our marriage work, Riley. I’ll give you a baby if that’s what you want. I’m sorry for disregarding your feelings. I take full responsibility for the distance between us. Please let me fix this.”

Joy surged through her, followed closely by suspicion. She pushed out of his arms. “Why? I figured you’d already have a ring on Olivia’s finger.”

Pain and anger flashed through his eyes.

“Oh. My. God!” Riley’s fingers flew up to cover her mouth. “She rejected you, didn’t she?”

“I realized what I stood to lose, Riley. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

She shook her head back and forth as laughter, indignation, and pain fought for dominance.

He hadn’t chosen her. She was the default. “I wanted you to love me, Liam. Like you used to. Or was it always a lie?”

“Riley, I want this marriage to work. For our children, for Cordonia—”

“But not because you love me.” It wasn’t a question.

“I do love you!”

“No, you don’t!”

“Riley, I’m offering you everything you said you wanted. Our marriage back. Like it used to be. Remember the first time we left Ellie with Regina and the nannies and took that trip to Ireland?”

She smiled in spite of herself at the memory. He had taken her on a tour of historic Celtic castles. Something she had always wanted to do. He had been nothing less than a perfect, attentive husband, doting on his wife for the entire trip.

He was right. When it was good, it was the most amazing thing in the world. He had made her feel like the only woman in existence.

Of course, he’d been fucking Olivia behind her back the entire time.

Still.

Every time she looked at him, her heart still stuttered in her chest. Every time they appeared together in public, she felt like the luckiest woman alive.

Liam Rys might be selfish, and he might be a cheater, but he was also the smartest man she’d ever met, he had a way of making her laugh no matter how dire the situation, and watching him with their children never failed to melt her heart. As a father, he was attentive, patient, and loving.

He always presented a united front to the public and the media. He never criticized her, he never forgot birthdays or anniversaries, and he never curtailed her access to their now shared resources.

But he was a lying, cheating bastard who had ripped her heart out by not returning all the love she had poured into him.

It was complicated.

“I’m going to need a minute to think about it.”

For the first time, Liam’s confidence faltered. “What?”

“You heard me.” She grabbed the two dresses she had decided against and returned them to the closet. “I gave you time to make your decision. I’m going to need some time to make mine.”

“How much time?”

She gave him a gloating smirk. “Doesn’t feel so great to be on the waiting end of it, does it?”

“No.” He gave his wife a long, contemplating look as he reassessed his life choices.

[hyatoro]

Sinbad Sub Headcanons

Sinbad

Part 2 of a request. You can find Kouen’s part here. 

SFW

Sinbad is a generous lover but because of everything that’s happened to him you can tell it’s all very surface level. Sure he can get up in people’s spaces and charm their pants off with his natural and hard earned charisma, but when it comes to his genuine relationships (as like a person) the ones that know him best have stuck with him even after seeing his ugly sides. 

How he loves and lets himself be loved can vary depending on what phase of Sinbad we’re talking about, but I’ll be sticking with the Sinbad we meet in early Magi. Not his prequel, and not late game Sinbad, though those are all sides of him. He is very welcome to public displays of affection, especially during festivals, but he hopes that his partner understands time and place, like when he has important meetings to arrange business deals. 

In contrast to Kouen, you wouldn’t need to be necessarily on his level djinn-wise. He just needs someone with a strong will to reign him in. He’s not as concerned about marrying another position of power. You’d likely still be somewhat of a power couple, since everyone he keeps around him is useful in one way or another. If we’re talking about having a relationship that has dom/sub stuff happening, then yeah. If he went to some red-light district and got dominated that’d be more a one time thing.

Your characterization is more open ended. As long as you find a way to make conversation with him and prove yourself, then you’re in. It’ll start as a fascination, and then evolve into an infatuation. Which honestly, he’d lie to himself about it because he doesn’t actually want to get distracted from his goals, which is what he thinks of it at the beginning. A distraction. Then he convinces himself that because you’re such a useful person that he’s just getting close to you to keep you in his arsenal. But then eventually he’d fold and admit that he’s weak for you. 

NSFW

Maybe he finally spills the beans when you corner him about why he’s been so annoying. “Why did you schedule me for so many meetings? All of which actually already have you in them so I don’t know why you would need me there.” 

Nervous sweating. “UH-”

He’s been in this wild mental state of “God she’s so hot and amazing and I’d be ok if she slapped me man i wish she would lol wouldn't that be funny” and “Haha eyes on the prize. Wake up and grind king.” 

So when you have him pushed up against a wall he’s frozen. And you already know he’s more than capable of just bolting if he wanted to. Then you realize exactly what weird emotions he’s feeling so you make the first move. 

A knowing look crosses your face and he gulps as you lean closer. You’re bent so that you’re looking up at him and he’s frozen like prey caught by a predator. And it’s kinda nice. 

You grab him by the collar of his shirt and whisk him away, and he can’t help but follow. Tired of dealing with his mental dilemma he surrendered the decision, the control, to you. 

As seen in my bondage headcanon for him, he needs a lot of trust. And that applies to all of this really. You may point out that dom/sub relationships need that in the first place. You’d be surprised. 

Of course he gives off his authoritative aura that exudes leadership, but he’s also just a silly goofy man sometimes. So it’s much easier to reign him in and transition to that dom/sub dynamic whenever, as opposed to Kouen where he has a hard line between private and public. 

Sinbad is down to get messy anywhere. 

Does not like choking. Is okay with gags if he’s not tied up. Basically if you want to tie him up you have to be thorough in making sure he’s comfortable. He doesn’t like anything around his neck like a collar or a choker because of his slave days. 

He likes edging and overstimulation. Testing his will and stamina gets him going and you can easily make him go crazy with little effort, or a lot. 

Kind of a masochist so he likes pain, but not to the point where you’re like actively trying to cause damage. It’s not like he hasn’t had worse but he doesn’t think getting beat is sexy. Spanking, pinching, slapping is all good. 

[lilmaravilla]

Hello there can i get headcanons for simon ghost with the young reader? Maybe she is 18 19 years old

Sorry for my bad english and keep me poster plase if you White it

Young Reader and Ghost Headcanons

the reader is 19 years old in these headcanons. i apologize for the delay in these! have been busy, but here it is! to any other readers, if you have requested anything, i promise i am getting to those replies! also, no need to apologize for anything! requests are currently still open so ask away! i love writing for you all <3

When Ghost finds out there is a new recruit to his team, he can't help but feel a sickness in his stomach. It all comes down to the age of the recruit. Only 19 years of age.

He tries to keep his distance from you. Not only because you look too innocent for his team but also because he feels like death is near him all the time. Everyone around him is always close to dying and he doesn’t want it to happen to you.

Once he gets to know you more, he realizes that you have been through some tough shit in your life as well. Life hasn’t treated you kindly and you have the scars to prove it.

Ghost is very protective of you now that he’s gotten to know you. He may not be able to stop life from giving you shitty days but he can sure as hell try. He would risk it all for you.

Protecting you from enemies and men and women from the team. Some of the team sometimes try to mock you or make fun of you. Just because you’re younger and they think you’re just a weakling.

You always put them in their place but if you’re not there to defend yourself, Ghost puts them in their place. No one ever wants to piss him off.

For how strong you are and can be, you leave Ghost quite literally speechless.

“I’m so tired of this. I just want to be at peace, Lt. is that too much to ask?” You asked, finally reaching your breaking point and tears filling your eyes.

“For us, it will always be too much to ask for. We go through so much shit everyday and it’s not going to get easier. I will make you a promise, though. I promise you will no longer go through this shit alone. And y/n? Call me Simon.”

You randomly joking with him or saying the dumbest puns and shit. Him just staring at you like you’ve lost all brain cells.

Your nickname is “Shadow”. You are his shadow; protecting him, guiding him, keeping alert for him.

[asterias-record-shop]

hey!! i was wondering if you write for barry allen, if you do, i would like some angst maybe? only if you are up to it ofc! thank you in advance and i’m loving you finnick series <3 hope you are okay

—𓆩[angst angst angst]𓆪—

no anon my love, I am not okay after this ❤️ jk jk, im good! finals are coming up, and im glad you’re loving the Finnick series! sorry this took a little long, I needed to come up with some issues that weren’t cheating (I will never write cheating), also, I hope you enjoy the headcannons, im not very good at doing angst on purpose-

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪

“Neither of us want this to happen, but it has to and you know that.”

— Barry would say this when he wants to die for the greater good and you don’t want him to because it’s fucking stupid.

“You can’t do this, Barry! You’re not dying!”

Barry sighs. “You know that’s not how it works, honey.”

“You said that this happens because of us, right? I’ll do it, I’ll die. That work?” You stand from your chair.

“No, you have nothing to do with it, that’s the problem!” He pressed his hands into his face. “You don’t have anything to do with it, so I can’t keep you safe and I-”

“And what does it have to do with you, Barry? You don’t have to die because you can’t stop it!” You slammed your hands into the table before he groaned loudly and pressed his face into his jands.

“That’s the problem, Y/N! I do have to! I’m not fast enough so I can’t stop it-”

“But why do you have to die?!” You screamed at him. “Why you? Why can’t someone else die?!”

“Because I’m not going to let them!”

“And I’m not going to let you!” You walk around the table, quickly walking toward him. “You’re not going to die, I’m not going to let you.”

He tries to run before you put out your hand, a spark of cold running down his spine. “Y/N, don’t-”

Your ability to freeze time was going to prove useful now. “I don’t care about anyone else, Barry, I’m not going to let you die for people you don’t even know.”

His fingers flinch. “Don’t do this. Please don’t do this.”

“Well I’m not going to let you, am I?”

“We can start over, I’ll do anything you want me to, everything will be perfect - I swear. Just please… please don’t leave me.”

— Barry would say this after fucking up really bad, after he distanced himself so much he didn’t even realize that you left him.

mentions of pregnant wife, divorce, ‘we’re not getting back together’

It was the end of the world, how could he pay attention to something like a relationship? The world could end any minute, and he needed to stop it, to protect you. He hadn’t come home for the past month, spending every night at the lab or the police department.

His phone was charged but he never looked at it, there was no point. As much as he wanted to talk to you, he couldn’t, not like this.

“Barry, you need to leave,” Joe had finally said after Barry fell asleep and drooled all over the table. “Now.”

“I can’t, I can’t. Have you spoken to Y/N, I need some of her DNA to run some tests on the proton… proton, what is it?” He whispers, already forgetting the second part of the word before Joe pauses.

“You… how long has it been since you’ve spoken to Y/N? You haven’t been home in a month, Barry.” Joe says, the younger man shaking his head.

“That’s not the point, where’s Y/N? Can you call her please, she’s not picking up my calls.” Barry goes to the board, grabbing a marker before Joe caught his arm.

“You need to go home, Barry. Now.”

So he did. Reluctantly, he did. He went home, to the small house you and Barry had bought a few years ago away from the city so that you both can just stay away from all the issues going on. He was surprised when he didn’t see your car in the driveway, but when he got to the door he saw how much mail had stacked up.

His brow furrows as he slowly grabbed it, everything with his name and not yours. It doesn’t concern him as much as it should’ve, slowly opening the door. He doesn’t hear Gnocchi’s nails scratching against the floor, the large German shepherd that always ran to him when he got home absent from his usual greeting. He doesn’t hear you singing in the kitchen, making dinner like you always did after you slipped off your wedding ring so it wouldn’t get dirty.

Instead, the house is clean, and the air is stale. He doesn’t see your coat on the rack or Gnocchi’s bed near the back door, the panic finally setting in.

“Y/N? Y/N!” He ran up the stairs to your room, the bed made and obviously not slept in for a while. He ran into the closet, your racks empty and his clothes neatly folded or hung on hangers.

He goes to the restroom next, all of your makeup and skincare gone, and everything in the shower you had spent hundreds on to make sure your body was taken care of gone too. He couldn’t help himself, his breathing getting quicker as he ran downstairs to the kitchen, a glint catching his eye.

He ran toward it, your wedding ring and engagement ring settled over an envelope. He ran toward it, quickly taking the envelop before seeing divorce papers underneath it.

You weren’t a lawyer for nothing.

He quickly pulled out his phone, dialing your number just to be greeted by your mailbox saying, “Hi! This is Y/N L/N, if you’re calling for business interactions, my business number is…”

He knew your business number by memory, but your name? Your maiden name, L/N? It’s been Allen for the past four years.

Quickly, he typed in your work phone number, immediately getting the response, “Hi! This is Y/N L/N, this phone number is only functioning during the times…”

With that, he called Iris. “Iris? Iris, where is Y/N-”

“Well it’s about time you went home,” Iris finally says, sighing. “It took you what, two months?”

Two months? You’ve left him for two months and he didn’t even know it?

“Where is she?!” He couldn’t help the rise of his voice, a shaky exhale falling from his mouth. “Please, Iris… please.”

She inhaled. “I can’t… I can’t.”

“I will run around this whole city if you don’t tell me where she is.”

There wasn’t a point of hiding, not whenever your husband could quickly find you just by running over the city, and he could certainly find where you went in a second. And while making yourself tea before bed, you knew it.

“I hope you brought those papers signed,” you say loudly, stirring in the sugar. “Want this done as quickly as possible.”

You gasped when you turned around, a disheveled Barry standing in front of you. There was dark bags under his eyes, his hair going every which way and his honey glazed eyes were now gold. “Please don’t do this.”

You inhale deeply, shaking your head. You knew that if he came like this to you, you wouldn’t be able to say no. You wouldn’t be able to stand your ground, you would go back to a life where he would ignore you for days on end and would put you in harms way over and over again. You could protect yourself yes, especially with your powers, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t do it, not this time.

Your relationship wasn’t like this at first, he was your next door neighbor and you both were basically bound from the start. He would never ignore you or put you in harms way, but things change. He changed, just like you did. And you’ve gone back to him before, but this time, you couldn’t. This time, it was different.

“I’ve been gone for two months, Barry. And you didn’t even notice!” Your voice gets louder, and you could feel your heart rate spike before you inhaled quickly, trying to calm yourself.

This isn’t good, stress isn’t good.

“I know, and I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” he tried to step forward, but something stops him making him look down, a gasp falling from his lips. “No.”

You inhaled, holding back tears as you set down your mug and cover your mouth. “It was supposed to be a surprise,” you whisper, sniffling. “I wanted… I was planning it so cute with signs a-and a party, but you never came home.”

He looks up at you, his eyes watering. “I-It’s mine?”

Oh you couldn’t have been more pissed. You shoved him, his hands quickly attempting to grab your wrist. “Fuck you, Barry! Fuck you!”

He shakes his head immediately. “That’s not what I meant, Y/N, I’m sorry-”

“Oh no? What did you mean, Barry, what the fuck did you mean?!” You screamed at him, slamming your fists against his chest. “It takes four to six weeks to show positive on a test, twelve to sixteen weeks to start showing, you bastard! Do you really think I’d be fooling around? I have been nothing but loyal to you for my whole life, you asshole!”

He quickly grabs your wrists, shaking his head. “No, baby, don’t do that. Don’t do this, don’t , please don’t.”

You inhale sharply, quickly pulling your hands away from him. You weren’t even hitting him hard, but that was no excuse. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” you whisper, inhaling shakily. “I’m so so sorry.”

“No, honey, I’m sorry,” he says quickly, pulling your hands to his shoulders. “I’m so sorry, honey, I deserve that. I deserve everything, honey, but I’m so sorry. Don’t do this to me, please don’t do this to me. We can start over, I’ll do anything you want me to, everything will be perfect - I swear. Just please… please don’t leave me.”

You shake your head. “No. No, I can’t do that. I can’t.”

“No! No, Y/N, please, please. Please, I need you, I need you, don’t leave me,” he was begging, whining as he shook his head. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I can’t stay with you, Barry. I can’t, I don’t want to,” you say, even if you were lying. You wanted nothing more than to just go home with him, let him touch you and do anything you asked but you couldn’t. Not after everything he’d done to you, all the pain he made you feel. “I can’t do that. Maybe… maybe later in life, but I can’t. Not now.”

“Don’t divorce me, baby, don’t leave me! Please, please don’t go, I can’t… I can’t lose you, I can’t lose you too,” he kneeled down, crumbling to his knees as he kissed your stomach. “I can’t lose either of you.”

“They’re twins,” you say softly. “Twins. That’s why I’m showing so much.”

Oh Barry could’ve broken down then and there before you grabbed his cheek.

“Barry, I can’t. Not today. Maybe later, but certainly not today.”

**sorry for the slightly abrupt cutoff, I have a major migraine rn 😅 hope you enjoyed anon!

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[rebornrosess]

going to be terrifyingly sincere about greg for a moment here sorry but the dynamics between greg, logan & ewan are so fascinating to me and even if they can’t explicitly explore it anymore due to obvious reasons, this one short sequence from the funeral is soo catered to me specifically. even in death, logan overshadows ewan in greg’s eyes. and yet greg didn’t need to tell ewan that he gave a good speech. he could’ve given him the cold shoulder after he cost him his deal with roman. but he doesn’t. and either greg is in too deep that he doesn’t realize what ewan said about logan closing men’s hearts and feeding the dark, hard, mean, hard-relenting flame in them (that melts their wax wings in the end) was most likely pointedly directed at him (thus proving his point)—or maybe greg did a little bit. he still goes to mencken at the wake but he still tells his grandpa he did a good job. it was a good hard take that he gave.

i think of this a lot but something that truly sets him apart from everyone else is that HE’S at the intersection of the brothers’ decade old feud over family, betrayal, ambition, integrity, and greed—central themes of the show but also, crucially, to his arc over the last few seasons. he has that dual connection to the past that the others don’t. a past that has stayed nebulous for so long until ewan’s eulogy. in previous seasons, we’ve gotten some really interesting scenes with him in which ewan sees the danger of power and ambition for greg because he’s seen it in logan, but it would have been so interesting to explore it more between greg and logan too (like in 2x08 when greg tells logan ewan is cutting him out of the will. i like you greg). i do think that ewan’s point about logan and masculinity and meagerness in his eulogy is particularly relevant though. maybe ewan was saying “men” in the way old history books use “man” as the default, but the performance of masculinity at ATN is one best embodied by tom, which trickles down to greg, but is evidently shown in roman too. and he fed a certain kind of meagerness in men. perhaps he had to. because he had a meagerness about him. (and maybe i do about me too. i don’t know. i try. i try.) i selfishly wish greg and logan could have had more than just one scene together this season (even though logan attempting to emasculate greg by pointing out his lack of a traditionally masculine father figure as a final interaction is very funny). i don’t think my threshold for second-hand embarrassment could have survived an on-camera take of greg trying to explain the whole rummaging situation from ep.1 to logan but logan being oddly chill about it is. interesting???????? what greg wants, greg must have.

but before s4 at least, logan’s awareness of greg’s connection to ewan, his estranged brother, has informed their interactions and it’s always fascinated me because logan doesn’t quite treat greg like his own kid but he’s still a kid that he’s trying to win over by being “uncle fun” rather than “grandpa grumps.” logan last saw his mother at age 4 and greg has been on his own for some time now too. marianne made her first appearance since the PILOT in the before last episode of the fourth season. i’ve found his interactions with ewan reaaally interesting because the brothers didn’t come from wealth and, when compared to the siblings, greg didn’t either. the hirsch’s financial situation is never fully delved into but i’ve always found it a bit peculiar given greg’s inheritance is like. 250 mil he’s sleeping in a youth hostel and a chapel in s1 and tells his mom while on his flip phone that shiv took his last $20. at the beginning of s3 he’s helping his mom get a new credit card because she maxed out the last one. i feel like ewan did the celebrity parents thing where they don’t spoil their kids so they learn real world skills or something, which iirc is something logan regrets not doing. yet ewan also seems to regret his use of his wealth, which he voices in his eulogy when he states maybe he has a meagerness about himself too, but he tries, and is disappointed in men who do not try harder (and the camera pans to the siblings. ouch.) i sometimes wonder if ewan hadn’t withheld his wealth, would his daughter and grandson have become so desperate that they turned to his brother? or would they have turned out like the siblings too if they had enjoyed wealth since birth? are the throes of capitalism inevitable? marianne is the sibs’ first cousin but they never really acknowledge that. if anyone has thoughts on her absence and/or exclusion from the family tree, i’d love to hear them.

anyways. i could 100% be overanalyzing this but i do love how much information succession packs into each of their shots. greg will forever be seeking approval from both sides of a broken brotherhood and will never receive it from either. you beautiful ichabod crane fuck you. what greg wants, greg must have. i don’t want to see you hurt. one big happy family. “greg?” he’s an addendum of miscellaneous matters in pencil with a question mark.