#and so it makes it even harder to support in difficult areas I'm sure

[statementlou]

Concerning touring Asia, I had done some digging around when it got cancelled and even some kpop and Asian bands were pulling the plug because things had gotten costly. Like you said you have to be a big act to make it work because you need higher ticket prices and lots of tickets sold (thousands) to cover just the expenses and have it be in the tour leg that includes Australia, New Zealand etc. Inflation and pandemic really did a number on international touring.

yeppp. I really don't think there's any need to go searching for causes or to call it a mystery; it was probably a long shot from day one and then things just got even harder for tours and that was that (for now; again I am certain he hasn't given up on trying to reach as many places as he can)

[macleod]

The importance of stupidity in scientific research

I recently saw an old friend for the first time in many years. We had been Ph.D. students at the same time, both studying science, although in different areas. She later dropped out of graduate school, went to Harvard Law School and is now a senior lawyer for a major environmental organization. At some point, the conversation turned to why she had left graduate school. To my utter astonishment, she said it was because it made her feel stupid. After a couple of years of feeling stupid every day, she was ready to do something else.

I had thought of her as one of the brightest people I knew and her subsequent career supports that view. What she said bothered me. I kept thinking about it; sometime the next day, it hit me. Science makes me feel stupid too. It's just that I've gotten used to it. So used to it, in fact, that I actively seek out new opportunities to feel stupid. I wouldn't know what to do without that feeling. I even think it's supposed to be this way. Let me explain.

For almost all of us, one of the reasons that we liked science in high school and college is that we were good at it. That can't be the only reason – fascination with understanding the physical world and an emotional need to discover new things has to enter into it too. But high-school and college science means taking courses, and doing well in courses means getting the right answers on tests. If you know those answers, you do well and get to feel smart.

A Ph.D., in which you have to do a research project, is a whole different thing. For me, it was a daunting task. How could I possibly frame the questions that would lead to significant discoveries; design and interpret an experiment so that the conclusions were absolutely convincing; foresee difficulties and see ways around them, or, failing that, solve them when they occurred? My Ph.D. project was somewhat interdisciplinary and, for a while, whenever I ran into a problem, I pestered the faculty in my department who were experts in the various disciplines that I needed. I remember the day when Henry Taube (who won the Nobel Prize two years later) told me he didn't know how to solve the problem I was having in his area. I was a third-year graduate student and I figured that Taube knew about 1000 times more than I did (conservative estimate). If he didn't have the answer, nobody did.

That's when it hit me: nobody did. That's why it was a research problem. And being my research problem, it was up to me to solve. Once I faced that fact, I solved the problem in a couple of days. (It wasn't really very hard; I just had to try a few things.) The crucial lesson was that the scope of things I didn't know wasn't merely vast; it was, for all practical purposes, infinite. That realization, instead of being discouraging, was liberating. If our ignorance is infinite, the only possible course of action is to muddle through as best we can.

I'd like to suggest that our Ph.D. programs often do students a disservice in two ways. First, I don't think students are made to understand how hard it is to do research. And how very, very hard it is to do important research. It's a lot harder than taking even very demanding courses. What makes it difficult is that research is immersion in the unknown. We just don't know what we're doing. We can't be sure whether we're asking the right question or doing the right experiment until we get the answer or the result. Admittedly, science is made harder by competition for grants and space in top journals. But apart from all of that, doing significant research is intrinsically hard and changing departmental, institutional or national policies will not succeed in lessening its intrinsic difficulty.

Second, we don't do a good enough job of teaching our students how to be productively stupid – that is, if we don't feel stupid it means we're not really trying. I'm not talking about `relative stupidity', in which the other students in the class actually read the material, think about it and ace the exam, whereas you don't. I'm also not talking about bright people who might be working in areas that don't match their talents. Science involves confronting our `absolute stupidity'. That kind of stupidity is an existential fact, inherent in our efforts to push our way into the unknown. Preliminary and thesis exams have the right idea when the faculty committee pushes until the student starts getting the answers wrong or gives up and says, `I don't know'. The point of the exam isn't to see if the student gets all the answers right. If they do, it's the faculty who failed the exam. The point is to identify the student's weaknesses, partly to see where they need to invest some effort and partly to see whether the student's knowledge fails at a sufficiently high level that they are ready to take on a research project.

Productive stupidity means being ignorant by choice. Focusing on important questions puts us in the awkward position of being ignorant. One of the beautiful things about science is that it allows us to bumble along, getting it wrong time after time, and feel perfectly fine as long as we learn something each time. No doubt, this can be difficult for students who are accustomed to getting the answers right. No doubt, reasonable levels of confidence and emotional resilience help, but I think scientific education might do more to ease what is a very big transition: from learning what other people once discovered to making your own discoveries. The more comfortable we become with being stupid, the deeper we will wade into the unknown and the more likely we are to make big discoveries.

[nordic-language-love]

Hii~ idk if you talked about it but could you tell us your journey in Japan? How is it + how did you manage to go there (if you want to share ofc!)

It's because I'd like to move to Japan and I'm trying to collect information on how to successfully go there.. so if you have any advice pls lemme know, I'd really appreciate it! Have a great day!

Hi there! I sure can :)

How I Got There

Pretty much everyone I know who came to Japan is an ESL teacher (not surprising given I am an ESL teacher and so are all my colleagues, and when I was doing research I mostly searched Youtube for people's ESL experiences in Japan). The most common route of application is via the JET Program. There are also a number of Eikaiwa companies that hire from abroad and will sponsor your visa (this is what I did - I'm happy to give you the details of my recruiter over a DM if you want). However, pretty much all of these options require you to have a bachelor's degree (doesn't matter what in). The main problem with these kinds of companies is you don't have much control over where in Japan they put you, and typically you won't be in a big city (although you might be in a surrounding area - one guy from my training group is based in Saitama). The pay's also not great (but as long as you live within your means, you'll be very comfortable and you can definitely save up).

Even if teaching English isn't something you fancy, it's probably the easiest way to get into Japan if you have a bachelor's. You don't have to be a native English speaker (although you should be at least a comfortable C1, ideally C2 level), and once you're in Japan you can find a job you actually want much more easily.

You can also try GaijinPot for more jobs - there's a section for people applying from overseas. But please check on places like Reddit or FB groups whether a job seems reasonable before applying; anything that advertises pay "per hour" is unlikely to be a liveable wage, and I've been told 240K/mo in Tokyo is not really sufficient (no problem for me out in the sticks, but Tokyo living costs are crazy).

How It Is

I love the nature here! I live in the Tohoku region so I'm surrounded by mountains and forests and I feel so lucky!

The summer sucks if you aren't a fan of the heat. We had 33-37ºC every day from mid-July to the start of September. I have a colleague who grew up in the UAE and he's been laughing at us all saying how beautiful the weather is, but for me, who is native to a cold and soggy little mound of grass in the Atlantic, it is horrendous. Not to mention the cicadas. Idk if there are cicadas where you live but I was NOT prepared.

You can get by without Japanese, but making the effort will go a LONG way. If you've only ever travelled in Europe or English-speaking countries, you'll probably have the impression that "everyone speaks English to some degree" and that you can always find someone with good enough English to help you. This is not the case in Japan! Your interactions will be very awkward if you don't make the effort. You'll probably be fine in bigger cities but more remote regions will be very difficult to navigate.

I understand Japanese a LOT better than when I first came here. I can still barely speak it, but I'm always surprised by how much I can pick up from the kids from the words I know and context (this is a huge advantage to teaching if learning Japanese is your goal: young kids will babble at you in Japanese CONSTANTLY). I'd probably speak it better if I made the effort to go out and talk to people but I'm shy lol.

I love the job! My colleagues are great and the kids are so much fun. My company does provides really good support and my work-life balance is perfect for me. I also get to use my creative side making classroom materials. But I don't get sick days and I only have 10 paid vacation days, 5 of which are at the end of the year and cannot be moved. I'm also pretty sure most other eikaiwas and Japanese companies will work you a lot harder, and you'll have much longer hours and higher expectations from your company.

Hope that helps! Best of luck with everything. Feel free to shoot me another ask if you have more specific questions!

[teddybeirin]

I'm thinking of leaving my home. It's abusive af my dad hits me and shit. My brother said I can go live with him short term but its not permanent. That's stopping me a bit cos I'm thinking I'm gonna end up back home again I have no other safety net. But yeah if I leave I wanna leave safely and deal with finding somewhere more stable later. My dad twigs I'm going then I'm fucked. He says if I tell anyone he hits me he will kill me. One time I had a job he freaked out cos it was all women and he thought I would go to them for help and sell him out. He needs me there to be his personal slave cool and clean. Nothing Pervy just slave labor. He said I can't date etc because he needs me there to do housework etc. I am not allowed a life. do you have any advice how to leave safely??? Did you manage to leave safely yourself there? Also how did you get your belongings out? I am trying to work out how to get my gear out of the house with out my dad seeing.

I'm so sorry lovie. I don't know all the details of your situation so what advice I have to give may be useless to you, but I hope that I can be of some help sharing how I've gone about things?

So... I managed to leave but went to urgent care shortly after, I got caught at the door despite my best efforts. Thankfully everything past that initial moment was okay because I had help from my dear friends, but not everyone has that. If you don't have help with transportation, it can be a lot harder - & something important too, is the timing of your transportation/leaving. I think it's best to make sure you can be out in as little time as possible w/ 0 time for anyone to notice someone is waiting for you outside, or anything. I prioritized speed as much as possible when it came to getting out the door.

I didn't get to keep a lot of my stuff - most of it I had to leave. I could only take what I could carry, as well as my cat, I took less so I could carry her. The safest way, in my opinion, is to not have to make *any* extra trips, or overload yourself with stuff that'll be hard to store & transport later. No object is worth more than a life.

When you say gear I'm not quite sure what you mean, but, for essentials that may be hard to transport - especially depending on your physical ability to carry stuff - start by taking stock of things. What do you need in order to survive, what can you replace later, what can you carry on your person? For things you need but can't take, is there a way to get replacements afterwards? For me I couldn't take a lot of hygiene stuff & had to get more later so I could shower, as well as more comfortable sleeping clothes, a proper computer to be able to work better on tasks I need to do to get on my feet, etc. Some things can be borrowed from others depending on who you can get in touch with, some organizations can provide lots of stuff - everything below actually housing you. I'd look into organizations in the area you'd be landing & see what they have to offer or at least list them down to contact later. Somewhere your dad can't see!! If you can't easily replace some necessities, can you drop other things to make room for them? It's difficult to make suggestions without knowing details but take stock of everything & what can/can't be taken, taken together, replaced or not, etc.

To be honest, I don't know if there's any way to make it less precarious. Not with the way the world is set up right now - there's not enough support to make it easy for victims to leave, & it's so unfair & wrong & it's something no victim can be blamed for staying because of. It took me a long time to take the leap.

I'm still homeless & I'm not yet on my feet. It's taken longer than I thought to be able to get everything together, even trying as hard as I can. I've failed a lot & hit a lot of roadblocks & delays that make me question myself... but I am better off than I ever was in that house. I'd choose this precarity & uncertainty over that again & again & again & again. It isn't easy at all, not to take the leap & not to plan for & not to make happen & not to contend with when it doesn't go to plan, but it's so much more of a life. I can't tell you "choose homelessness, figure it all out later, it's simple!" Cuz it just is not. & that isn't a fair expectation to place on anyone... it doesn't mean we don't want & deserve better if we don't choose something that is objectively still dangerous & risky. But it is possible. It is possible.

In a safe place, not on paper preferably, I'd recommend making a mind map of all the building blocks you need in place to live & get on your feet. Even if you don't have solutions for them yet, they can be found & made.

As for making sure you don't ever have to go back after leaving... I'm sure you know as well how dangerous it is to have to go back after attempting to leave, & the fear of that is absolutely a compelling reason not to, I won't ever tell you your fears aren't justified here. Advice for planning for that wise, is there a set time limit on how long you can stay at your brother's? How confident are you about finding a permanent place in that timeframe, prices & income & job-finding for income? Would a plan help you - maybe even look into places near to his place that may be hiring? Are there shelters & other orgs in the area you could contact once you're at your brothers? Once you're there, if it's not permanent, you are homeless & you can tell organizations that. A lot of resources that are, stupidly & frustratingly, not open to victims of domestic violence still in the abusive home are open once you're homeless. It's so broken, but it can be of help depending on what's around.

I wish I had more to say or could come up with better, more bulletproof advice that could guarantee success, I wish I could guarantee your safety ;w;

I'm so proud of you for continuing on, for keeping hope of leaving & trying to find ways, for sending this in. I am wishing for your happiness. Please feel free to keep sending in asks & keep me updated on how things go for you, if you're comfortable - I wish for your safety, anon. 💗🧸

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

i'm nearly done moving everything to my dad's house. just gotta go back to the apartment today to get all the leftover stuff and do some cleaning.

my body is very against the idea, yesterday was insanely difficult on me. but bc my friends are wonderful, i am in much better shape than i would've been otherwise. at the expense of their own fatigue and body pain, they made sure i took enough breaks and that i didn't take too many trips up and down the stairs. if i'd tried to help like i wanted to, i doubt i'd even be mobile today.

once everyone had gone home and i had to swing back by the apartment last night for a couple more things (like the cat food someone forgot to put in the car) i did take a moment to say goodbye to the apartment. i know it's an inanimate thing, but i have carried this accumulated trauma over moving since i was little. between the divorce(s) and the frequent changes of houses, i was able to make a safe space for myself in each home only to have to pack it up again a year or two later. kid me never got to grieve properly, or say goodbye to the houses. my homes.

so last night, i wept alone in the almost empty apartment. it was my first solo home, and it saw me through some of the hardest, most painful times of my life. but it also saw me grow into a more confident adult, someone who wasn't afraid to take up space anymore.

i couldn't be more grateful for that year-and-a-half of living on my own. after a lifetime of tucking myself inward to be more convenient to my family and then later to my roommates, i learned how to be comfortable with myself. i made friends with my neighbors. i was, for a while, independent and free.

now, though, i have to accept that i can no longer support myself. my body can't take the extra work of keeping a job, doing my chores, running errands, and staying healthy all on top of my disabilities. moving back into one of my childhood homes is a bizarre experience. i got home very late this morning after that trip back to the apartment, and had to creep quietly through the dark to not wake anyone up. the same smells, the same creaks and groans of the floors and stairs, the same hums of the AC, everything i remembered from childhood almost overwhelmed me.

luckily, my new room is in the downstairs "condo" my dad had built for my sister and her niece. it's made of two rooms, a bedroom and part of the den that used to make up half of the downstairs area. it's honestly bigger than my entire apartment, plus the bathroom i'm using is across the hall with the laundry room and the kitchen is upstairs, so my two rooms are all my living space rather than amenities.

my knees aren't going to enjoy the little hill between my car and the front door, nor the stairs. but now, if my body says "no stairs today", i'll have my brother and my dad to bring me whatever i might need.

now if only i could figure out how i'm gonna pay that last months rent on time ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

lastly. this might be the best possible time to start writing my book. if i can't work, and i can't do much other than stay home tending to my body, then this could be a good moment for me to word-vomit some rough drafts. and Dad would probably be pretty supportive, he's also a self published writer and has always appreciated my interest in writing. i may even let him read some of my drafts except for the possible steamy sections no way is he reading those

anyway. long day, long weekend, ready to start this new chapter of my life. saying goodbye to a home is, somehow, harder to me than saying goodbye to a person. maybe bc there's no going back? idk. signing off.

[the-firebird69]

There's a few things going on and people are real stupid around here it keeps saying dumb s*** to our son and I want them fixed these people saying it and permanently. We have a plan to get ready people and I want them run I want people to be aggressive with these people here I don't know how to tell you this but he's trying real hard to survive and it's getting harder I don't know if you notice this but he's getting less money that's how it is not funny he needs assistance now he's down and everybody's laughing because he's running around making jokes and being condescending they also having him do that. And Frank Castle hardcastle and Duke Nukem Blockbuster are trying very hard and it's getting more difficult and they don't need people making it harder of ours if you're doing it you're going to be pulled out of there. There's no reason to do it at all just thousands of idiots here a day and they need to be cleaned up and we have to help Mac and Jesus Christ it's a disaster.

Thor Freya

We're moving out and we're bringing in troops here this is ridiculous we're making a quarter we get the damn car down here

Hera

This is what he needs everyday on everything he says cuz that's the way it isn't War and wants people to wake up to it now

We're waking up to it and we know about it and we do understand what you're saying you've been insisting and been trying it's just not working and it has to we're going to make it work now

I'm getting more and more support from our people and there are many reasons but a big reason is your programs are working especially the one with your sign ships that works very very well and we're teaming up with people who are here on Earth and stuck and it's working extremely well and there are scientists too and people know which ones are assigned to so they're helping to get them ready then give us a big boost. Other assignments that are working extremely well are ones to make the economy go smoothly because it's still very rough and we have a lot of edges too to fix and stopping mysteries that's a huge program you need to add to it today and he's flying to what areas we need and we need to make sure that people see that and that they put in an effort because he's trying to do things blind he's doing a good job and she is too but we need to fix this place up we need to get him his stuff and I'm damn tired of it this attitude here and just crap these people need to go somewhere else or leave permanently. We're running the plan and it's going to start today if you're going to learn we don't want to tolerate you and we can't you just way off the chart with juvenile a****** comments and behavior and threats dress galore news we have to come in and take care of it even if you're not getting anything he's just stupid

Olympus

[randomshyperson]

Palm Springs - Leigh Shaw

All Works Masterlist

Summary: In Palm Springs, Leigh meets you. The season one finale re-imagined.

Warnings: (+18), smut, cursing, dom!reader, bottom!leigh, explicit language, explicit consent, brief mentions of harassment, fluff, brief rivalry dynamics, hopeful ending.

Words: 5.378K

Notes: My love, @abimess, this is my apologies for you. I kept mistaken "Wanda" instead of "Leigh" at some points in the writing, but it all worked out in the end. I hope you all enjoy the read, this is my first time writing for this character.

//-//

You threw the signed divorce papers against the passenger seat, ignoring the thick tears that welled up in your eyes.

Raising your hand, you turned up the radio and kept driving. Your cell phone started ringing the next moment, but you ignored it. It was probably Bucky or Steve calling to find out where you were after your little outburst at the company fundraiser.

Honestly, it wasn't your fault. You were handling it all very well, but Carol decided it would be a good idea to give you the divorce papers while you were surrounded by your closest friends, and that was the trigger. But now you were driving to Palm Springs, finally taking the damn vacation your ex-wife had put you through so much hell to get, but now, the seat next to you was empty.

It took a few hours to get there, since the complex is in New York, but you didn't care, having spent most of the way trying to understand how you managed to lose a woman like Carol Danvers.

No bags, you ignored the curious look one of the hotel staff gave you as soon as you pulled into the parking lot, smiling slightly as you took off your sunglasses and asked for directions to the front desk.

You frowned slightly as you were almost run over.

"Watch where you're going!" You shouted angrily at the driver, and the woman returned you the same angry look. Great, you've barely arrived and you almost died. This weekend was promising.

Stepping back, you waited for the woman to drive, not failing to give her a wry smile as she passed you. After this, you walked to the reception desk, and the area was quite full, which was normal for a weekend.

"Reservation in the name Danvers." You said to the receptionist after the greetings. He smiled as he checked the information.

"Valentine's suite, I see." He commented cheerfully. "Shall I prepare a second key for your partner?"

"It's just going to be me, buddy." You grumble, ignoring the uneasy feeling in your stomach. The man smiles awkwardly, but doesn't apologize.

After checking in, you go up to the third floor.

The room makes you sigh with disgust, the flowers and chocolates give you a headache. It takes ten minutes to find a chambermaid and ask her to remove all the decorations.

While your room is being cleaned, you decide to buy something to wear, since you didn't bring anything to spend the weekend at the hotel.

"Good morning." You mumble the greeting as you enter the gift store, your gaze wandering around.

"How can I help you, dear?" The saleswoman asks politely, smiling at you.

"I need something to wear for the two days I'm staying. It was a last-minute trip." You tell her, and the saleswoman looks surprised, but doesn't comment.

The woman eventually showed you the summer shirt section, and you sighed softly as you looked through the options. She walked away to attend to another customer, and you left your attention to the clothes.

A moment later, you picked out a few pieces and turned to talk to the saleswoman, only to run into the woman who had almost run you over earlier looking at the book section.

"You again." You let it slip not so low, attracting the woman's attention. She frowns for a second, and then she recognizes you. But before she can say anything, the saleswoman is speaking.

"Oh, you two know each other already?" She asks excitedly. "It's amazing how we can find friends here in Palm Springs isn't it?"

"We're not friends." You both inform at the same moment, and you squeeze your eyes shut slightly. The woman straightens her posture, pressing the book lightly against her chest as you switch the shirts on your arm. The saleswoman's curious expression prompts you to speak.

"Actually, she almost killed me." You say. "It was going to be quite a headline for this hotel. I'd be careful about the people you guys host around here."

The saleswoman looks at you with confusion, while the other woman lets out a dry laugh.

"You're the one who walked across in the middle of the street!" she defends herself. "It's not my fault if you weren't taught how to cross the street in school."

"Oh, so it's the victim's fault now?" You retort and the woman looks at you incredulously. A third customer enters the store and stares curiously at the argument, but the saleswoman is quick to gesture between you, smiling wryly.

"Oh come on, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding" The saleswoman remarks and you sustain the annoyed look the other woman is casting at you. "There's no need for an argument."

"Of course not." The woman says forcing a smile, but her posture remains aggressive. "We are both civilized adults."

You bite your tongue to avoid another provocation, looking away from the green irises in front of you.

"Of course you are." The saleswoman says smiling, and then her gaze catches the shirts hanging from your forearm and she lets out a light exclamation. "Come on, I can finalize your purchase if that's all, dear."

You turn toward the cashier next, and it is only after you have paid for the clothes and are leaving that you see the other woman again on your way back, but she does not look away from the books to you. You couldn't care less.

//-//

In your room, you can't resist the urge to look at your phone.

Bucky has called five times. And Steve even sent you an email. You sigh weakly, feeling guilty as you catch a glimpse of Tony and Natasha's message notifications.

Your friends didn't care that you started crying in the middle of the meeting you were at because your ex-wife decided to bring a sensitive topic like the end of your five-year marriage to the table, but you were hating yourself for it.

At this point, you didn't even know what you had been crying about anymore. You and Carol had always had a difficult relationship, and since you got married, you began to wonder why you had done it in the first place.

You loved her so much when you first met her, and then everything gradually broke down. The lack of compatibility, the jealousy and possessiveness, and the lack of time. Carol was a soldier in the army, and you were a Shield special agent, and your jobs took up a lot of your schedules. But you knew that this was just another empty excuse. After all, your best friend, Natasha, was also an agent, as was her wife, and they made everything work properly.

Maybe things were meant to happen that way. That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

After taking a shower, you grumble lightly as you realize that you forgot to buy a bathing suit. And well, everything special about Palm Springs was the magnificent pools.

You figured the shorts and top you had would have to fit.

The pools were considerably more crowded than the rest of the hotel, and this was probably due to the current temperature.

You decided to buy a drink before sunbathing, realizing that most of the chairs were occupied.

The bartender was a pretty girl and smiled mischievously at you when her gaze fell on your collarbone exposed by the cut of your shirt, but you just gave her a half-hearted smile. Being newly divorced wasn't exactly the best scenario for flirting.

"What can I get you?" The woman asked as she rested her hands on the counter in front of her. You bit your lip thoughtfully, running your eyes down one of the menus left on the wood.

"Honestly, I don't know anything here." You say. "But I would like something sweet."

It takes a few minutes for her to prepare a drink for you, and you thank her as you accept.

As you sip a drink that tastes like strawberries and condensed milk, you look around the surroundings.

You frown slightly as you recognize the woman from the store, watching her sit in one of the chairs that has just been emptied in front of the bar. She doesn't notice you, but you notice her exposed legs, mentally scolding yourself for doing so.

As you take another sip of your drink, your tongue getting used to the sugary sweetness, a man approaches the stranger in front of you. From this proximity, you can hear the conversation, or rather the small harassment that he was doing.

Rolling your eyes at the stranger's clearly offensive attempt to approach the other woman, you force yourself to get up and walk over to them.

Well, Nat always said that you were a person with a natural talent for theater and you wish she were here now to see the little scene you caused.

Pretending to trip over the sunshade support, you made a sudden movement and knocked your entire drink against the man's collarbone, who let out an exclamation of anger and surprise as he stood up.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" You asked in a falsely guilty tone, forcing an expression of shock. Before he could say anything, you were already grabbing one of the towels left on the little tables beside the chairs and throwing it harder than necessary against the man's face. "Here, honey, clean yourself up."

The man blinked in surprise, and glared angrily at you for a second before muttering "whatever" and turning to leave. When he was already a safe distance away, you turned your face to look at the seated woman.

"Sorry about your book." You speak as you notice that the spilled drink has dripped a little on the pages. "But if you ask me, the ending sucks."

"Thanks, I guess." The woman mumbles not keeping her gaze on you. "I didn't need you to help me, by the way." She adds and you roll your eyes, realizing that the chair next to her got empty after your little commotion. When you sit down, she raises her gaze to you in disbelief.

"Who said I was helping you?" You retort. "I love throwing expensive drinks at strangers."

Your joke elicits a nasal chuckle from the woman, who softens her posture.

"If you want to lose money, I suggest donating rather than wasting it." She teases back and you bite back a smile, shaking your head slightly. When she opens the book again and leans her back against the chair, clearly deciding to ignore your presence, you copy the position, but stand with your arms folded across your chest and close your eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun against your skin.

You are tired from the trip, and eventually fall asleep. When you open your eyes again, the woman is no longer there.

//-//

Since you have napped until the afternoon, there is no chance you will sleep early. You try to distract yourself with television, but most of the programs are pay-per-view and you have probably already exceeded all the limits that a Shield salary can afford, so you decide to spend some time on the activities included in your weekend bundle.

After putting on a shirt to join the lobby, you take the elevator down and step out into the outdoor area, not surprised to find the place as busy as before. The difference is perhaps the lack of children because of the time of day.

You walk toward the bar and roll your eyes slightly when you notice the same man as before being loud and boisterous along with a small group partying near the place. But you ignore them as you sit down on the first stool you find.

"Well, if it isn't my knight in white armor." A female voice comments wryly beside you, surprising you mildly. You look at the woman with a raised eyebrow, but she is looking straight ahead.

"So you expect me to call you a princess? We don't even know each other." You retort in the same tone, and watch the woman bite back a smile, rolling her eyes slightly.

You stand in silence while you order a drink, this time smiling in the same way that the bartender smiles at you. While you wait, you can' t help but look over to the side.

"You know, I think I might need to get your name." You begin in a tone of false seriousness, not knowing why you want to pull conversation with the stranger, but doing it anyway. "Since I need to know who to sue for attempted hit-and-run."

The woman laughs lightly, and as she sets her drinking glass back down on the counter, she turns her body toward you, without getting up.

"The smart thing then wouldn't be to say my name, don't you think?" She retorts with amusement in her voice. "That way I avoid a lawsuit."

You smile in a corner, shaking your head slightly. You lean your arm on the counter, and it takes a moment for her to speak again.

"I'm Leigh."

"No last name so I can't find your ID, right?" You tease and she smiles, licking her lips for a moment. "Well, I won't tell you mine either then." You comment before telling her only your first name, and she laughs lightly. "May I at least know your profession? Or, I don't know, where you're from? I need that information to track you down."

You joke, and Leigh makes a thoughtful expression for a moment.

"I'm from everywhere actually." She says mysteriously. "Because I'm an international jewel thief."

You smile at the mixed tone of seriousness and playfulness in her speech, respecting her right not to want to tell you the truth, and acknowledging the identity she chooses to assume.

"Oh, really?" You ask joining in the joke. "And let me guess, your disguise happens to be as a fashion stylist, right? And you have a red motorcycle and deadly poison hidden in your lipstick?"

Leigh holds back her laughter, nodding.

"I can't confirm any of that information, actually." She says. "After all, a little incident happened and I wasn't able to finish the story."

You laugh at the teasing, taking a sip of your drink. Before the moment of silence lasts any longer, you ask if you can approach. When Leigh consents, you take the seat next to her.

"And what do you do?" she asks as soon as you sit down. You clear your throat lightly.

"I'm a secret agent, actually." You tell her and from the woman's expression, she still believes you are joking. You do not correct yourself however. "Lasers and villains, the whole story."

Leigh smiles, murmuring in understanding.

"And what is a secret agent doing in Palm Springs?" She asks next and you assume a dramatically thoughtful expression.

"I got a hint actually." You reply. "A jewel thief, fugitive from the government. I'm trying to gather information to effect her arrest."

Leigh fakes an expression of horror making you laugh.

"If I see anything suspicious, I'll give you a heads up." She jokes and you smile, enjoying the whole thing. Before you can add anything else, the small group next to the bar let out loud laughter and they attract your and Leigh's attention.

You frown slightly when you witness the guy from earlier whistling at one of the hotel staff, the people with him finding his little scene of harassment funny.

"I guess a drink in the face isn't enough for some idiots." You comment and Leigh sighs mildly. She looks at you at the same moment you look at her.

"Maybe more drinks will be enough."

That's how you end up doing a little mischief that involves distracting the stranger with comments about his muscles while Leigh approaches and manages to get the man's card. When you walk away, after she hands the bartender the hotel ID after ordering a round for everyone at the bar on the stranger's behalf, you were laughing.

"I'm beginning to believe your thief story." You amused comment as soon as you and Leigh reach the trail out of the bar area. She just smiles at your words. You clear your throat next. "I guess I need to show off my secret agent skills then."

Leigh looks at you curiously, but you just smile as you nod in the direction of the gardens.

You walk for a few minutes in silence, and you remember everything you have observed since you arrived at the hotel, and are able to find the small opening in the fence that you saw some staff members pass through in the afternoon.

"Please, milady." You joke as you make room for Leigh to cross the path first, and she rolls her eyes with amusement before doing so.

You end up in some kind of unfinished private garden, but one that is still very pretty.

Perhaps it is an area under construction for some kind of party, as it has a stage set up in the center and some folded chairs scattered about.

Your attention falls immediately to the piano that has also been set up high on the dark stage.

"How did you find this place?" Leigh asks as she looks around, and you walk past her to get on the stage, eliciting a giggle.

"Field study, of course." You reply with false seriousness. " A secret agent never goes anywhere without studying the whole place first."

Leigh murmurs in agreement, deciding to follow you to the stage. You take a seat on the piano bench while she remains standing in front of the organ.

"Do you have any requests?" You ask looking down at your fingers as she studies your face.

"Old Mac Donald had a Farm." She replies and you choke on a laugh.

"And I thought your taste in music was as good as your fashion sense." You tease causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Is that your way of complimenting what I'm wearing?" She retorts but you just bite back a smile, moving your fingers across the keys.

You decide to play a melody that she may not recognize, but is exactly what you feel you should play.

When the first notes of " Spring - Ludovico Einaudi" echo in the room, Leigh looks at you in surprise, but you just smile.

It takes a moment for her to surround the piano, and to sit down next to you. You continue to play, enjoying the sound and concentrating not to misplay the notes.

When you make a particularly fast movement on the piano, Leigh looks at you impressed, but you just push your shoulder lightly against hers, smiling. Neither of you regains the distance from before, and you continue to play.

When you finish, you are silent for a moment.

"Where did you learn to do that?" She asks in her low, impressed tone as you both look down at your hands on the keys. You sigh slightly, moving your fingers away and placing your hands in your lap.

"I used to play when I was a kid." You reply. "Before I was a secret agent, of course."

Leigh smiles, biting her lips lightly. You look away from the movement, to her hands quickly.

"Let me show you." You whisper as you reach out your hand to hers. When she accepts, you position her fingers on the keys, and then fit your hand on top of hers. "You start like this."

The sound is far from perfect, and Leigh laughs every time she misses a note, so you don't really care.

You stay like this for a few minutes, until you can get her to complete five notes without making a mistake.

"See? You' re almost a pianist already." You comment with a smile, looking at her face. She mimics your movement, and you feel your heart skip a beat from the closeness.

You feel the tension build in the room, but before you can think of doing anything, a male voice is breaking the spell.

"Sorry, but this area is for employees only." Informs the young man from the hotel, seeming slightly embarrassed to interrupt. You and Leigh quickly walk away, standing up and muttering an apology in unison to the guy, who waits until you leave by the trail he guides.

When you reach the entrance to the social area again, the employee closes the gate, waving slightly. You and Leigh exchange amused smiles.

"So... what do you want to do now?" You ask the next moment, wanting to prolong the evening.

"I want to swim." She declares and you frown slightly, then shrug. You nod in the direction of the pools and you exchange a glance before starting to walk.

//-//

At the edge of the pool, you sigh slightly.

You exchange a look with Leigh, standing next to you, and then you laugh softly as you both begin to undress.

You can't resist the urge to look at her, especially since she jumps in first and you catch a glimpse of her body covered only by a bikini. Ignoring your uncompensated heartbeat, you jump into the water next.

It's a good thing the water was cold, because you are feeling your face and body heat up at the way Leigh looks at you.

Trying to lighten the mood, you swim around her, casually meeting her gaze again as she mimics the movement.

You laugh lightly when you realize that you are swimming in circles around each other, and decide to stop. Leigh swims in front of you a moment later.

"Hello, superspy." She greets you almost in a whisper waving her arms to continue on the surface in front of you.

"Hello, international thief." You speak back in the same tone, your gazes locked on each other.

You wonder if she would like you to break the distance, as her gaze has lowered to your lips for a few seconds. But before you can surrender to this urge, she takes a step back.

"I'm cold."

And then she swims away, and you wonder if you have taken the whole thing the wrong way.

Following her a little way back, you look for towels.

//-//

"Which floor are you on?" You ask as you reach the elevators, each with a towel around your body. You watch Leigh tighten her arms against herself slightly.

"Second." She replies half-heartedly, and you nod.

"Let's go together then."

She gets into the elevator first, and after she presses the button, you stand next to her, your back against the wall.

The tension is back the moment the doors close, but after the pool, you find it best not to take any action, not wishing to make Leigh uncomfortable.

You reach her floor a moment later, and when she doesn't leave, you hold your breath.

You risk a corner-of-your-eye glance at her, but she continues to stare straight ahead, sighing slightly.

Trying not to look like a complete mess, you wait for your floor to arrive.

//-//

The way down the hallway is silent, and despite your nervousness, you don't fumble to open your room.

Leigh enters first, and strides into the room as you close the door.

She stops in the center, her gaze scanning around for a moment before returning to you. You hold your breath, and then she lets the set of clothes in her hands fall to the floor.

You bite back a smile, mimicking the movement. Taking a deep breath, you do the same with your towel, and ignore the heat in your cheeks as Leigh's gaze descends to your body covered only by your underwear.

She removes the towel at your waist next, and you stare at her exposed legs for a moment before moving slowly toward her.

You smile shyly as you stop in front of her, and it takes a second for you to slowly lift your fingers to touch her, tracing the outline of her arm and watching her skin shiver.

"Everything okay?" You ask softly raising your gaze from where your fingers were touching to her eyes. Leigh sighs, shaking her head in agreement. You give her a short smile, placing your hand on her cheek, and watching her lean into the touch slightly. "Use your words." You ask in a whisper, your other hand repeating the motion of your fingers from before, even more slowly.

"Y-yes." She confirms half breathlessly. "And you?"

"Yes." You say, your hand reaching for the strap of her bikini. "I'm going to kiss you now, Leigh."

She nods in understanding, sighing heavily. You didn't correctly calculate how attracted you were to her, because the moment your lips touched, you felt your head spin and it was hard not to push her against the bed immediately.

You both sigh against the kiss, and you slide your tongue into her mouth next, your hand on her face running down to her neck, deepening the kiss even more.

Leigh seems hesitant to touch you for the first second, but then she gasps against your tongue, and brings her hands to your shoulders, bringing one of them up to the back of your neck and scratching the skin, making you sigh.

With the hand that was on the bikini strap, you use your fingers to pull the strap down, and with the other hand you repeat the movement on the other side. When the bikini falls to the floor, your hands go down to her waist, and you pull her toward you.

Leigh gasps at the contact of your breasts bumping together, breaking the kiss with a wet sigh, and you take the opportunity to move your mouth down her collarbone, enjoying the sounds you manage to get out of her whenever you bite her sensitive skin softly.

You lean against her to lower your kisses to her breasts, and when your mouth finds the hardened nipple, she arches her back, closing her eyes as her fingers force your head forward against her breast.

"Oh." She moans as she feels you suck on her nipple, your other hand moving up to give her other breast due attention, your fingers playing with the tip. " Oh, fuck, that feels good."

You smile against her skin, feeling your core tighten with the sounds you are tearing out of her.

When your hand on her waist moves down to her ass, squeezing the flesh and pressing Leigh's hips against yours as your mouth continues on her breast, she moans loudly as she throws her head back, shuddering against you.

It's enough to make you lose control. You need to know how she tastes.

Gasping, you move your kisses down again, and Leigh holds her breath as you get down on your knees.

You kiss her thighs first, while your hands pull down the fabric of her panties.

When the fabric falls away completely, you swallow dry, your gaze glazed on the exposed intimacy of the woman in front of you, your mouth salivating to taste her.

"I-I'm gonna fall." She comments shyly, and you notice how her knees are already shaky. You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to stand up.

You take Leigh by the hand to your bed, and she stands there, making you smile. You move forward against her mouth again, and she sighs, almost losing her balance from the intensity.

"Lie down." You ask between one kiss and another, making her moan softly. "Spread your legs for me."

Leigh gasps against your lips as you slip your fingers through her folds for a moment, before pulling away until she obeys. You bite your lips as you watch her lie down.

Before you join her, you remove the rest of your clothes. Leigh's cheeks redden, but you give her no time to register this, climbing onto the bed with your knee between her legs and kissing her again.

As she begins to squirm beneath you for more friction, you move your kisses down her body.

She closes her eyes when your mouth is at the level of her belly, breathing hard.

When your tongue touches her pussy, you both moan loudly. You are amazed at how wet and hot she feels, the taste filling all your senses. And Leigh bites her lips to stop herself from moaning out in pleasure when your tongue begins to move against her clit, sucking and licking her devotedly and making her whimper.

"F-fuck." She moans breathlessly, her hips thrusting into your mouth. "Yeah...right there... don't stop..."

You lift your hands to her thighs, holding her open. Your own intimacy pulsing from the way Leigh is surrendered to you and the sounds she gives you.

Keeping the strokes of your tongue as deep as you can and being sure to press your clitoris in return, you feel her pussy tighten and Leigh's body begins to quiver in spasms.

"I-I'm... close... fuck..." she begins to whimper disconnected words, long moans escaping her throat. It takes only two more strokes for her to come on your tongue, her moan loud enough to be heard in the next room, but neither of you care.

You drink all of her cum, enjoying the taste and feeling on edge, without even having been touched yet.

Moving up your kisses again, you deposit slow kisses against Leigh's skin, waiting for her to recover from her own orgasm.

When you reach her mouth, she kisses you back with the same intensity.

You just know you're not going to sleep early tonight.

//-//

When you wake up, your bed is empty. You are surprised by this, really.

The night was very good. Much better than any one-night stand you have ever had.

After getting dressed by finding your articles of clothing, you walk to the front desk.

It takes a few minutes to find Leigh, and you frown when you realize from the bag in her hands, the documents, and the car key that she is leaving.

"Wow, you weren't even going to leave a note." You tease as you catch up with her. She is startled by your sudden presence, but forces a smile.

"Look, I'm sorry..." she starts but you shake your head.

"No need." You interrupt by putting your hands in your pockets and shrugging. "It was just one night after all."

"Yes." She reaffirms what you say, staring at you. You hold her gaze, and a long minute later she sighs. "No, it wasn't."

You swallow dryly, watching her. She seems conflicted about something, her expression going from worried to guilty in a few seconds, and then she takes a deep breath and shakes her head before looking at you again.

"I can't." She says, and you sigh lightly. "I just... can't."

"It's okay." You decide to say, ignoring the way your stomach is flipping with nervousness or your heart is racing. "We are civilized adults, aren't we?"

Leigh smiles, and you watch her eyes water for a moment before she quickly hides her emotion. You feel the same way.

" This is a goodbye." Leigh says next, and you look away to the floor, nodding in understanding.

"Goodbye, Leigh. It was nice meeting you." You say as you look at her again, forcing a smile even though your eyes are watering.

She smiles, approaching to kiss your cheek close enough to your lips to make you shiver. She doesn't pull away immediately, raising her mouth to the height of your ear, she whispers "I left a note." and before you can understand what has been said to you, she is gone.

It is only at the end of the day, many hours after she has left, and you are already inside your car that you rummage in your pants pocket looking for the car key that you find the note.

It is a piece torn from the page of the book "Unmoored in milan", the paper stained with drink. In the corner, in cursive letters it is written. "to my favorite secret agent. Leigh Shaw, Los Angeles."

You smiled at the words, and as you were driving back to New York, you wondered how long it would take Natasha to find out Leigh's phone number.

//-//

Tag list> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia

@mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @HELLOALYCIA // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm

// @sxfwap // @table57

[maschotch]

This isn't about the bingo but I was looking at your post from like two days ago about Hotch being paternal with the team and I would kill to hear your opinions about the different way he's protective of all of them. I think a lot of the reason hotchniss is so popular in this fandom is because she's really the one person on this team that doesn't interact with him like a father djdj but even still the way he goes about caring for Reid and Penelope as opposed to jj and Derek is sooo interesting and I hadn't really thought about it before. I'm not sure about Rossi, but he was even super protective of Gideon, who he saw as more of a father figure

the WAYYY that he’s protective of all of them… im gonna cry writing this out i just know it 

his protectiveness of reid is the easiest to describe i think. he understands reid’s struggles and the things he deals with that not everyone thinks about, so i think that kinship helps directly with that paternal relationship. sees him a little bit as himself, a little bit as a son, but mostly for who he is. 

it’s very very similar with penelope, but instead of seeing himself in her, he sees an optimism, a joy, a vitality that he never had. he doesnt want to extinguish that, but he knows she’s stronger than she thinks. not to put this in the cringiest way possible aksjldhg but he’s protective of her like a flower? protects her from external threats but knows that he doesnt have to handle her delicately—he can be a little rough w her to help her thrive. he sees what she’s capable of even when she can’t and that scares her a little

with jj it’s a little different. i think he recognizes that jj is strong in certain ways… i think he also recognizes that jj wants to be seen as strong in certain ways. unlike reid (who i think hotch really views as emotionally young), he’s willing to be protective from a distance. he’s still attentive and ready to swoop in when something becomes too intense, but he has a little more faith and a little more respect for her independence than reid or penelope

morgan’s a little harder bc he has to be sneakier with it asjkdlhga morgan himself is so protective that accepting the same kind of care is difficult for him. it’s just easier for everyone if they both pretend hotch is completely hands off. but i think hotch realizes that if anything he needs to be more defensive of morgan—particularly his emotions/state of mind. hotch knows morgan will push himself beyond his limits and while he doesn’t want to stop him (morgan’s independence is also something hotch encourages), he wants to make sure morgan will come out in one piece lmao 

ur right in that he has a really distinct dynamic w emily. they spend so much time protecting the team that by now he trusts her ability to take care of herself. he doesnt really need to do much askjdhl she’s got it handled. i think bc more often than not she’s the one protecting him that when she suddenly is in a precarious situation, it’s harder for hotch to maintain composure. like… morgan has his back: he’ll keep him safe. but emily supports him: she’ll hold him up. so when emily ever is in danger… hotch gets a little more desperate bc he knows the situation is serious. he's more likely to go a little too far

im soooooo fucking glad you brought up gideon because hotch is more protective of gideon than anyone else. it’s a fierce, unwavering commitment. bc hotch really does see gideon as a sort of father figure (he’s also aware that there are limitations on the reciprocation of that type of relationship) but he’s also aware that while gideon is an expert in certain areas, there are also other things that he’s not so good at. hotch is more than happy to supplement when needed, and he's studied him long enough to know the man better than anyone. so that’s the “care” aspect of the protectiveness, but what makes it soo different from the others is the fervid, fiery defense that’s uncharacteristically hotheaded for hotch. like the “watch your mouth” thing… how many times do we see hotch snap like this when he’s not dealing with unsubs (or abusive fathers)?? he’s so passionate with his loyalty.. a dedication that brings that aggression right up to the surface in a way thats just so fun <3

[stargaze-issei]

��� "𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞" (𝐛. 𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; when your father, the head of the japanese mafia, was killed, your childhood friend swore to protect you till his death. now, you're the empress of the underground world, and he doesn't know what's harder, to keep you safe or manage to hide his feelings. what will he do when, for the first time, your life's at risk and he isn't anywhere near?

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; mafia!au, angst.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; swearing, mentions of blood, guns, murder, kidnap, yk... mafia stuff.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 2.7k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; lemme know if u want a part two bc i felt like it was getting too long and i don't know if anyone will read it or like it 👉🏻👈🏻

"where the fuck are you?" bakugou's voice stroke over the phone, noticeably angry. he had told you several times to never go anywhere without him, which you mostly did, if it weren't for him being away a lot of times. nothing less was expected from your right hand, who handled every dirty job, and considering your line of work, it wasn't scarce. but you did had other bodyguards, just as trained as katsuki, willing to give their lifes for you, which was extremely better than having bakugou giving his life.

to his eyes, you were still the little girl from before. he saw you as a someone who needed protection. at first, you agreed. your father was murdered, someone managed to get through all his security and killed him, none of the guns he and his security team carried around could protect him, killing you would be like stealing a sweet from a baby. bakugou had always kept you safe, despite his agressive usual safe, he cared about you more than he cared for himself. so you stuck to his side, believing, hoping, he'd die for you. but that was a long time ago, now, you could defend yourself, and had raised a sense of loyalty in your people by your own. your father's empire was based in fear, yours? by admiration. you didn't see your people as working ants, but as important parts of a whole. still, anyone who was a threat to you, bakugou made sure to erase them forever.

"don't talk to me like that, i'm your boss" you could feel him losing his shit, a smile began to form in your face. even when everyone respected you, he was still the same.

"you can't boss anyone if you're fucking dead, you dumb shit" a laugh came out of your throat, he couldn't avoid smiling at the sound "wait, oh, okay, i know we're you are. stay there, i'll be in three" he hung up before you could reply.

you looked back, at one of your guards who was just putting away his phone. of course they told him. why couldn't you go get your own coffee? being in the office all day was tiring, to be five minutes outside was all you asked for. a few seconds after, they handed you your coffee, obviously, a guard had to try it first, in case that barista wanted to suddenly murder you. of course he didn't.

"who let her go outside without me knowing, huh?" a furious katsuki appeared through the door, making a scene in the place. you gave him a warning look. if there was something you hated, was that. everyone in the area knew who you were, but why make it any more obvious. those people were just living their usual lifes, and people tend to get nervous around you. "the car is waiting outside" he understood, but you knew he was going to scold you anyways.

you walked outside, smiling, and got into the car, followed by katsuki and one of his subordinates, the other one got in the front sit, next to the driver.

"save it, i'm n–"

"the fuck you are" he cut you "your safety is my responsibility, if i say you can't go out without me, then you fucking don't. specially not when there are people after your head" there was no denying he was right, but still, it upset you.

"there's always people after my head, bakugou".

two weeks ago, two men went into your office. they were in charge of some dealing territories, though small, important. most contraband had to pass those places, you controlled those police departments making everything easier to your truck drivers. they were beaten, cover in blood and barely standing.

"our men, all of them... they all..." only one of them could talk, the other being too shocked to even look at you. "kazuhito's men, it was them... they said we had to tell you, they're coming after you" you couldn't show any fear in front of your so called soldiers, and your template remained at ease. a shout was enough to get those men the help they needed, after holding their hands, you promised to go see them once they were checked by doctors. you called bakugou as soon as they left, he was the first who should know and help you decide what to do next.

the kazuhito family had always been rivals, enemies of the worst kind. everyone suspect they were behind your father's assassination, but with no proof, even you knew it would be the biggest mistake to charge against them, despite your personal desires.

"i already told the drivers they had to take rout b for a while, but we can't let them just keep what's our" you explained to katsuki once he arrived. "those drugs have to get in town by us, damnit". it was clear how frustrated you were, those assholes had mess with your and your father's hardwork.

"if we retaliate, a war will unchain. your father tried to avoid that for years"

"and see how he ended up" bakugou didn't know if it was the anger, or you talking. "we will lose everyone's respect if we don't do something, they killed dozens of our people, katsuki".

he was trying hard to stay objective in that situation, but it was near impossible. a war would put you in more danger than ever, your life was at stake, and bakugou wasn't sure if he was willing to risk it. growing up by your side, your father taking him in when his parents died, you were his only family. more than that, he loved you. the only reason he was able to do his job right, was the fear of losing you. your head was already valued in millions, how could he protect you in the middle of a conflict, that would end only with your death or the kazuhito's leader's death? your power was bigger than theirs by little, but they did something that reckless, which meant they thought they had out powered you. had they? or were they just bluffing? had they miscalculated?.

"we're taking action, wether you support me or not" you looked into each other's eyes, you knew him enough to understand his fear, just not the reason behind it. your voice softened "but i'd much rather do it with you by my side".

"you're the boss" he spoke, already regretting it "i'll schedule a meeting so the high charges let everyone else know, i'm staying at your place so we can trace a plan".

and there you were now, being reprimanded by bakugou. he was extremely tired, he decided to stay with you until things were calmer, which could be several months from then. getting up at six a.m, going to sleep past midnight, being always looking for possible threats, it had given him bags under his eyes.

"i'm sorry" you said once you were alone with him, it was only then that you could let your guard down "i'm making this harder for you".

"yeah, you are. but it's my job, after all" that came out wrong, he thought. it wasn't his job, it was his fucking life purpose. he wanted you to live a long, happy life, as hard as it seemed.

"i guess it is" deep down, his response disappointed you.

"hey, look at me" out of nowhere, his body was insanely close to yours, you felt his breath in your face as he lifted your chin with his finger "there's nothing i wouldn't do for you, got that, dumbass?"

for a brief moment, the taste of his lips was all you could think about. i bet they're soft. but as fast as it started, it was over, katsuki pulled away harshly, inventing an excuse to leave. he had flown too close to the sun, so close that it burned his skin.

a few more people went to see you that day, asking for diverse permissions, advice and stuff like that. since it had been slow, compared to other times, you decided to home early. a call to your team, and the car was already outside. bakugou left instructions for your departure, because he had things to do somewhere else, much to his displeasure. you were accompanied by your escorts to the doors of the building, that seemed like a normal office compound. there were waiting two other guards, making a total of six people protecting you. way to go, bakugou.

"how's your wife, ryota?" you asked the driver. of course, not everyone fitted in the same car, so you got into the second one, middle seat, between a built up woman and a big man. you tried to remember everyone's name, but it was difficult.

"she's good, ma'am, sends her regards" he smiled at you over the mirror.

"and the baby? he must be a month old, right?" at the memory of his child, his face lightened "you should take some days off, i bet your wife and son miss you"

"i have a duty with you, m–" a loud impact interrupted him, the front glass had exploded. the car had an abrupt movement back and forward, all you could see was blood, everywhere.

the woman next to you took her gun out, in order to protect you , you thought, completely wrong. before everyone could react to her act, she shot the guard in front of you.  you looked at your side, searching for someone alive, the same bullet that had killed ryota was in the guard's at your right forehead. besides you , the only other person was that woman. if she hadn't glasses on, that stare could've seen throughout your soul. then you remembered, katsuki made you bare with a knife under your sleeve. with a weird move, you felt its sharpness against your skin, it was there, but she read you like a book. before you could even pull it out, another shot stroke followed by a intense pain in you thight. the bitch had shot you. you blamed it on the adrenaline, because nothing hurt. what happened after was a couple of blurry images in your memory.

bakugou had called you more than a hundred times, you, the drivers, the guards, everyone in his fucking team, but no one knew anything. the cameras at your house never showed you arriving, your phone's location was off. he was out of his head, if he didn't hear from you in the next five minutes, someone's going to die. he rushed into his car, following your rout at a dangerous speed. 

both cars were full of bullet holes, and every guard he had hired was dead. there wasn't a place without blood. tears of pure rage came to his eyes, fuck, it was his fault. he started to look for you, but the whole world was spinning around him. where were you? where was your body? were you alive?, this couldn't be happening. he had left you unprotected, alone, and now you could be dead, because of his uselessness. his phone vibrated in his pocket.

"sir, we– we have– the kazuhito's are here" he left as fast as he came. they had touch you, they had taken you away from him, and he wasn't going to let them get away with it, even if he had to go against a whole army, whoever was behind it all was going to pay.

a man in a suit was sitting in the chair of your office, smoking a cigarette, as calm as a rock. katsuki was so close to rip his head of right there, that somebody had to hold him down. his own people updated him, saying that he had gone into the building alone, with no weapons of any kind, not even a cellphone.

"where the fuck is she?" he crashed his hand against the desk.

"ah, mr. bakugou, please take a se–"

"tell me where she is right now if you want to keep your head, fucking bastard" his hand had wondered to the tip of the gun in his belt, menacing to blow up at any second.

"you won't do that, mr., if i don't return to my people in one hour, she'll be so fucked up that not even you will recognize her" a laugh surge grom bakugou, a dark, cold laugh.

"i don't have to kill you, then" one of the man's hand rested in the desk, like asking for katsuki to rip it off his body. as you did, he also carried knifes under his shirt. in less than a second, one of them was buried into the man's hand. he screamed, both in shock and pain, giving your bodyguard a hatred look. "what do you want, shitface?"

"i-it's quite simple, actually" his face was white as paper, and even though he wanted to talk normally, his voice shivered "we want you to take over the y/l/n's business, under our command of course" he let out a sigh, trying to keep his composure and ignoring his bleeding hand "if you– if you agree, she will have to leave japan and never..."

bakugou won't agree to that. not now and not ever. to give away what you and your father built from scratch, and spent decades keeping safe, was like killing your child, and your father's memory. to send you away, alone, where he most likely won't see you again in years, was also off the table. it wasn't funny anymore. he started walking around the man's chair, picking up his sleeves. he checked the clock in the office, he had forty-five minutes with the man, meaning, forty-five minutes to make him talk. he ressourced to every fast interrogation method he knew. the people outside the door weren't surprised when they heard the man's screams, even wondering what had taken so long for the boss to start acting. katsuki was never a patient man. his senses were blocked, he couldn't hear anything but screams and begging, all his eyes could see was pain through all the man's body, his hands felt nothing but warm blood. but for the first time in a while, he wasn't enjoying it. he was doing it out of need, the need to save you. every minute that went by, was a minute were your life risked. he never felt so close to losing his sanity.

"outside the city! she's in one of our safe houses outside the city! i don't know which, please stop!" ten minutes before the timeline he finally gave up. your intelligence had all their safe houses, storages, garages, every location needed. not a second passed when one of yours men delivered a map with all the points marked. there were five in total.

"throw him outside in ten minutes" he shouted, walking to the armory "two teams, six people each, my fucking people, hear me? now, dammit! we're leaving in a minute, if i have to go by my fucking self, i'll do it"

when he was armed to the teeth, almost a dozen of people followed him outside. they were his most trusted men and women, being trained together, he knew they were as skilled as him, and they were all willing to put their life's at stake for you, their boss. in the car, bakugou barked the instructions. he had narrowed it down to two possible locations with all the information he had. if they had to kill every person in those places, then be it. he's going to get you back.

[scripttorture]

Hey! My character is made into an experiment by the government due to him having a supernatural ability. The one who handed him over was his partner, who has been a part of that organization all along. He is usually a very confident person, powerful and extroverted. I'm not sure how his mental state is supposed to change? I don't feel like the whole loosing their will to live and becoming incredibly depressed thing would fit him as a person. How could I still show that the torture effects him?

There isn’t a sure fire answer to how any one person will change when they’re tortured. We know the possible symptoms, but most people won’t experience every possible symptom and we don’t have a way to predict who gets what.

 There’s a post that talks about the possible symptoms over here.

 Here’s the thing though: there is a lot of variety in survivors, in the symptoms they get and the way they personally express those symptoms. Some people do become suicidal. Some people do become depressed. And some people do lose their faith in humanity.

 But there is not one universal survivor experience.

 This means that there’s a big range in realistic responses. It also means that as a writer you actually have a lot of options. You should be picking 3-5 symptoms from the list of possible options, but the list has 14 things on it and some of those things can manifest in multiple ways.

 I think that, since we can’t predict symptoms, the best thing you can do as a writer is pick symptoms based on what you feel fits your character and story best.

 Depression and suicidal thoughts don’t do that, so let’s have a look at some of the others.

 Memory problems are incredibly common in real survivors and are almost never portrayed accurately in fiction. You can read about the four basic types here.

 I’d really encourage you to use one of these if you feel it fits your story. They create a lot of interesting narrative challenges for the character and they can make for really good emotional/introspective moments. If for instance you want to explore self-doubt giving the character memories he later finds out are inaccurate could feed into that, leading to him questioning whether he ‘really’ was betrayed.

 General forgetfulness (ie low level difficulty forming memories) can give the character a lasting disadvantage in everyday life, creating a much more traditional injury-recovery arc as he tries to find adaptions to this new normal.

 Intrusive memories, when handled well, can help create a deeper connection between the reader and the character. Because it lets you create situations where the character’s mood flips in an instant, the other characters don’t understand why but the readers do.

 Memory loss can be trickier, mostly because it’s rarely handled well in fiction. It doesn’t effect older memories, such as childhood memories, the person’s name etc. It almost never effects memories of torture itself. But it does effect other aspects of the time they’re held, the period prior to capture and sometimes a few weeks after release. It’s a distressing and disorientating experience and it’s a good pick if there’s any sort of investigation or prosecution.

 Because memory problems (especially memory loss and inaccurate memories) are a big part of why torture trials are really hard to conduct. Having the character find that he doesn’t actually remember the crucial details and watching the process of people trying and failing to help him, that can be a really powerful addition. It’s also a good way to form a rift between him and his friends without depression or having him lose faith in others. It gives a reason for any distance between them, even if it’s an emotional rather then logical reason.

 Read through the masterpost and really think about whether any of these memory problems could fit your story.

 Narratively speaking memory problems don’t link the character’s personality but they do have a strong impact on plots and sub-plots. Memory loss, inaccurate memories and intrusive memories will all effect the character’s emotional arc and sense of self. They can also throw up barriers for the character.

 He might be missing a couple of crucial details about his life before he was snatched. He might have some key details about how and where he was snatched wrong. Think about how those sorts of problems could feed into your plot, because they can add interesting conflicts and challenges.

 Chronic pain is also incredibly common in torture survivors and it often doesn’t have a single cause. Back, muscular and joint pain are particularly common.

 It can lead to a character seeming angry, unapproachable, anti-social or like they have a hair-trigger temper. It can also make it seem as though they have really bad mood swings or a short temper.

 This can lead to interesting character moments as non-survivors struggle to empathise with an ‘asshole’ while the survivor is struggling to express the fact they’re in physical pain. It can also lead in to discussions of disability and the way we treat invisible disabilities in society.

 It can also often be improved by, again, life style adjustments and sometime medication.

 If you wanted to use addiction as a symptom then chronic pain is a common reason behind addiction in survivors. Essentially they start taking more and more powerful pain medications in order to try and feel ‘normal’.

 Chronic pain doesn’t always lead to addiction though. Making good, consistent life style adjustments (using a mobility aid, being able to sit instead of having to stand for long periods and so on) can help keep pain at manageable levels allowing a healthy relationship with pain medication.

 Insomnia is another really common symptom in survivors. This basically means the character is always at least slightly sleep deprived. Which has knock on effects on absolutely every part of a person’s life.

 You can read about the effects of sleep deprivation here.

 I’d suggest thinking carefully about what you need the character to do before using this one. It might sound counter intuitive but a character with disabling chronic pain is probably more capable of the occasional bout of superheroics then a chronically sleep deprived character is.

 Insomnia caused by mental illness is also notoriously difficult to treat. Medication for the mental health problems survivors tend to have makes it harder to sleep and reduces the quality of sleep. Medication to ‘make’ people sleep often decreases the quality of sleep, when it works. It does not work for everyone.

 Essentially don’t treat insomnia as an ‘easy’ option with less impact on the character. It impacts every part of a person’s life, making them more likely to get sick, slower to react, more emotionally volatile and less able to learn/remember everything.

 There are so many things that insomnia effects that- well I find it easiest to think of it as a permanent lowering of ability across all categories. This does not mean that a character automatically becomes incapable of things; it means they are worse at them then they were before.

 If they were already really good at something then other people might not notice the difference. But the character himself will. Which can have a knock on effect on self esteem.

 Any of the things I’ve mentioned can result in social isolation. Because survivors can come across as aggressive, volatile and inconsiderate which can lead to people… avoiding them. Especially when other characters don’t have a good understanding of mental illness or experience dealing with trauma survivors. (Having said that, remember that a pretty significant proportion of the population experiences mental health problems at some point in their life. Think about how likely experience vs ignorance is, rather then assuming one or the other.)

 Isolation exacerbates pre-existing mental health problems.

 And any combination of the above symptoms make up the frame work of any long term personality change. For instance you describe this character as confident and capable: if he gets multiple forms of memory problems does that impact his confidence in certain areas? And if it does how does he cope with that? It could be by expressing his self-doubt but it could also be by taking a more passive role within a group, letting others take the lead instead of stepping in.

 I have an old ask over here that goes through how I pick symptoms for a character and how I vary them depending on the sort of plot I have in mind.

 Wrapping up, I think that we make these symptoms individual when we consider how the symptoms interact and what that means for the character.

 Depression does not have to mean someone looks overtly miserable. It can look like nausea, like struggling to eat and sleep, like being quieter in social situations. It can feel like going through life disconnected from the world, not so much the presence of misery as the absence of joy.

 You’ve listed these characteristics; confidence, power, extroverted and survivors can hold on to all those things. As always the central point is nuance. Because that confidence probably won’t be completely unshaken anymore, that extroversion might not be effortless anymore, his relationship with that power could change.

 The character might have developed a lot of self doubt and, though it’s a struggle, continue to make firm ‘confident’ decisions because he feels that’s important either to himself or to everyone else. It could be a way of him showing that he’s still ‘strong’, that he survived, that he can still support the other characters.

 The character could still be extroverted and depending on the symptoms you pick socialising might be harder, it could take up more energy. He might be hiding the cost from his friends. Or, another common way it plays out, is that he could just come across as… a lot more inappropriate: making dark ‘jokes’ that non-survivors don’t find funny, having obvious mood swings that make others uncomfortable. You get the idea.

 Torture does change people. But those changes are unpredictable and they often don’t look like we expect.

 Our fiction often tries to use depression and suicidal ideation as an excuse to turn survivors into passive objects. They are not.

 One of the things that stood out to me the more I looked at prominent survivors was anger. Because yes, despair is possible, common even. But so is spite and vitriol and rage. So is determination.

 There is more then one way to be powerful. Confidence does not need to be unshakable to be real.

 In essence: you are aiming for an understandable change in what is already there, not an excision of the characteristics you’ve already established.

 As a final note you might want to take a look at the masterposts I have on medical experiments (which you can find here and also here.) It’s worth deciding whether you want to show unethical but genuine experiments, or torture. You can have a look through the tags on unethical experimentation and pseudo-scientific torture for more information.

 I hope that helps. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I'm getting top surgery (DI) in a few months, and I was wondering if it is absolutely necessary to have a carer after surgery? I understand it would be difficult alone, but would it be impossible to manage by myself?

Lee says:

It’s best to have a person who can care for you on call if necessary. In most cases, you won’t need them- but you can’t predict what you’ll need before you have surgery.

Practically, they usually won’t release you into your own care right out of surgery so you may need someone to pick you up from the surgical facility.

You’ll need to “milk” the drains and record the amount of fluid that collected in the bulbs, you’ll need to take your antibiotics and medications on schedule, and you’ll need to take on and off your post-op binder or ace bandage (this was one of the harder things to do with limited arm mobility) and change your bandages and apply ointment and stuff. And you’ll need to do all your normal activities too- you’ll need to make meals and get yourself to post-op appointments and all that too.

So you’ll need to do a lot of pre-op work to make sure you have enough food and you’ve made and prepared your meals you’ll eat (if you aren’t too nauseous to eat them in the early days after surgery- you may also want some things like protein shakes).

For tube draining, you just kinda pinch the tubes and continuously squeeze down the length to get any of the extra stuff out from there and prevent clogs, then you measure how much fluid is in the drains and write down the number.

You’ll want to have alarms set on your phone to remind you when to do this, and you might want to forgo the opioids if they make you too drowsy to take care of yourself.

I took a low dose of I think Percocet (like maybe 5 mg?) for two days post-op and then stopped taking it and switched to acetaminophen (Tylenol) because I didn’t need it for the pain and it just made me constipated and drowsy.

Then I stopped the acetaminophen because I didn’t need that for the pain either, but the surgeon’s office said I should take it for 2 weeks anyway to help prevent swelling. So I kept taking that, and the antibiotics, which meant I had a few other alarms on my phone too for the different meds and tasks (and it helps to label them).

Anyway, I think the majority of us getting top surgery don’t actually need heavy duty post-op medications like opioids after surgery even though they routinely prescribe them anyway. They usually inject numbing stuff during the surgery, so that helps, and as long as you stay busy and distracted doing stuff you’re fine.

I didn’t take any opioids after my wisdom tooth removal or after my hysterectomy because I realized it wouldn’t be necessary after my top surgery experience. 

While not all people have a hard time taking care of themselves on opioids, and some people don’t have the same pain tolerance that I have, surgery recovery isn’t something you can make mistakes on. So you can’t risk an “oops” moment by taking them and then realize that you’ve neglected your own care, because the damage will have already been done.

But even if you don’t take the opiods, there are other issues you might have in taking care of yourself after top surgery. When you’re young, top surgery and a hysto aren’t too bad to recover from (if all goes well). But that’s the thing- you can’t always anticipate complications, and if you do have complications then you might not have the recovery you expect. I had an unexpected complication from the anesthesia- when I fell asleep, I’d lowkey stop breathing for a lil bit. 

So if you have a surgeon who operates on outpatient basis, like I did, then you won’t stay in the hospital after the surgery, you’ll be in recovery for a while and then they’ll release you into the care of someone. I don’t even remember much about waking up after surgery, the hours I spent in the recovery area, being wheeled to the car, or the drive home. I was half asleep (sometimes fully asleep) and throwing up when I wasn’t, so my mom told me what happened and helped me fill in the bits that I don’t have my own memories on.

And if you do have complications, you may need to hire a caregiver or nurse or go to a recovery facility, which means you would need to do a lot of research and figure out insurance things and if they’re accepting patients on short notice and it’ll be a lot of legwork during a time when you might be incapacitated and struggling to do those things, which is why you’d need a caregiver in the first place. 

If you have surgery at a hospital, you may be able to stay overnight and then be released into your own care- but this will cost you more, as might hiring a caregiver or nurse, or going to a nursing home/rehab facility your other two options, so it’s something you should plan for ahead of time.

You need to have a back-up support system in place because it’s better to have one and not end up using it than to not have it and end up needing it. You don’t necessarily need to have family or friends in that role, if you don’t have any family or friends who support you, but it is a good idea to plan for the worst case scenario so you can confidently go into surgery. 

More info on top surgery recovery is on the Top surgery page, and I’d ask the Top Surgery Support (removal/reduction) page and the Non-Binary Top Surgery pages on FB for more advice about how to navigate recovery when you don’t have any friends/family who can help.

[nothorses]

i'm an aroace transmasc, and i want to go on T, but i'm terrified of how that will be received. i work with children, and there's so many people who already say that both major facets of my identity (aroace and transness) make me inherently dangerous to children, i'm scared that going on T will only up the ante. it feels like i can't be aroace, transmasc, and on T without having to constantly fear for my job.

Oh my god, I feel you. I’ve been working in childcare for about 10 years now- I know the fear of being trans, in particular, making it difficult or impossible to work with kids.

I can tell you for sure that despite what weird aphobes on tumblr try to claim, aros and aces are not somehow predisposed to hurting children in any way. Most employers don’t know what it is or what it means, most people won’t think to ask about it, and unless you want to be out, you won’t need to worry about it. Even then, it’s unlikely that being out will have much a negative impact on your ability to work with kids. I think the stigma around it tends to work a bit differently- though you might get the odd parent who tries to make it an Issue, if they find out about it.

As far as being trans goes- I’ve spoken to trans men who have transitioned and still work in childcare/education, and they tend to say that if they pass as cis, people largely don’t notice or care. Being out as or visibly trans (which is where I’ve been at for the last few years) might be trickier, and it’s going to depend pretty heavily on where you work and who you work with what kind of response you get to that.

I’d check what protections there are for trans employees in your area. If you’re a teacher in the states, double-check which states actually protect teachers from hiring discrimination (because despite being a government job, it’s actually up to states to decide that, and only about 23 of them do last I checked). Understand your rights, and consider looking for safer areas to work in if you’re concerned about being out.

It’s really up to how supportive your workplace itself is. I’ve worked with a lot of people who are happy to go to bat for me against transphobic parents, and who are genuinely glad to have queer voices on their staff. It can be harder to find a job in the first place if you’re out as trans, but it’s not impossible, and there’s always the option of staying stealth through the hiring process and coming out afterwards if you feel safe enough to.

You aren’t a danger to kids. Being queer and working in childcare/education is an amazing opportunity to educate people- kids included- on queerness, to be a role model for queer kids, and to cultivate a positive, supportive environment for the kids who need it. You are an asset to the childcare community, and you’re going to do amazing things regardless of how “out” you choose to be.

Good luck, friend!

[fandom-collective-writers]

Endgame

Pairing: Nobunaga x Reader

Genre: Modern AU

Rating: Fluff and Smut

Word count: 1720

Written by @rikumorimachisgirl for Anonymous

A/N: Not the Marvel movie. 😁

The score was 94-92 in favor of the Echigo Samurais. With three more minutes left in the fourth quarter, you press on the Azuchi Warlords assistant coach Mitsunari to call a timeout. Echigo has played a running game throughout and led by as much as ten points in the dying seconds of the first half of the game, but Shigen Takeda openly blowing a kiss at you seemed to have ignited something in the Warlords, as your boyfriend and team captain Nobunaga Oda led the team, powering through the second half. 

You hurriedly handed out towels and sports drinks to the players, who were more than happy to receive them. All, except your boyfriend, who showed no interest in joining the team as they huddled around Mitsunari. A sudden power fluctuation caused the electronic boards to reset, giving each team extra time to rest and strategize, but he didn't move from his spot. He was a sight to behold - his eyes fixed on the scoreboard, his expression unreadable. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of girls cheering. 

"We love you, Nobunaga!" 

You winced at the unabashed declarations of his fans seated on the right side of the court but kept your gaze at him. To your surprise, he gave them a sideline glance and winked, as he wiped the sweat off his forehead with his wristband. 

The fans screamed like harpies, as you sighed, dejected. Normally, he wouldn't pay them as much attention as he just did but given your latest argument and the fact that the man in question wasn't backing down, you knew your boyfriend wasn't about to give you any preferential treatment.  

"Are you two still fighting?"

You almost jumped at the sound of a voice speaking quite near you. 

"Ieyasu?"

Standing next to you, the small guard cocked an eyebrow at you, annoyed. "What are you being all jumpy for?"

"How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to hear you sigh, " he replied, toweling off his sweat-drenched blond hair. "You must be daft if you think I'm going to take instructions from Mitsunari." 

"He's the assistant coach for a reason, you know."

"Yeah because our head coach opted to play team captain today instead of watching from the sidelines, " Ieyasu said curtly, shifting his gaze to Nobunaga. "So, why haven't you made up yet? You're making our lives a living hell." 

You knew how difficult the team's lives have been since that fateful day when Shigen Takeda - of all people - saved you from nearly being mugged by a group of thugs on your way back to your apartment from a quick trip to the grocery. Of course, no sooner than he had beaten up the perpetrators, pictures of the two of you together circulated throughout social media. It only took less than an hour before your own boyfriend saw the picture himself, and of course, the picture he had to see was that of you flashing a gorgeous smile at Shigen to thank him for saving you.

"He really has been giving us a tough time, you know. I couldn't feel my legs last night after practice."

"Well, I would talk to him but he hasn't been responding to my messages nor answering my calls, " you whined. "He hasn't even come home since that evening. Is he staying at Mitsuhide's?"

"You think Hideyoshi would allow that? You better make up with him immediately so that Mitsunari can use his room again. He's been staying with me for two nights now, I might murder him if he stays another night."

The referee whistled to call the players back, and you watched Ieyasu walk back to the court with the rest of the team. You caught sight of Nobunaga making his way back as well, and without thinking, you quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him. 

"I have a game to play -"

"I'm sorry, Nobunaga, " you said, cutting him off mid-sentence, as your vision started to blur. "There really wasn't anything else that happened. You're the only one for me."

He sighed, and broke free from your grip, only to capture your hand in his. "We'll talk later. Right now, I have a game to win. Don't worry, it'll be over soon, " he said, smiling as he wiped a stray tear from cheek before running to his post. From the corner of your eye, you could see Ieyasu rolling his eyes, and Masamune giving you a thumbs up. Your heart soared, knowing that your boyfriend will do everything he can to keep his promise. 

The game ended at 95-94. The entire stadium erupted in cheers as the Azuchi Warlords won the championships once again, three years in a row. Hordes of fans and reporters gathered around the team to take pictures and interviews, as you watched from the sidelines with a huge smile on your face. One by one, the Warlords took their leave to go to the locker room and change. All except your boyfriend, who was still with the press alongside Mitsunari. By the time they'd finished with the interviews, most of the players had emerged from the locker room, looking refreshed and ready to party. 

"We're all going to The Castle to celebrate, " Masamune Date, the team's small forward, and resident playboy told you as he stepped beside you to watch Nobunaga thank the reporters and fans for their support. "I suppose it's safe to say you won't be there later…"

"Please, Masamune, it was your idea to leave these two to party on their own, " Ieyasu said, sounding bored while watching your face turn red. "Just make sure you don't make a mess like you did the last time."

"The last time?" Your eyes widened like saucers. "We've never done anything nasty in the locker room, I'll have you know!"

"Actually, that was me, " Mitsuhide Akechi, the team's center, chimed in sheepishly. "What? The team manager of the Anegawa Daimyos was asking for it, clearly. Anyway, we're leaving. This is all up to you now. Don't forget to lock the door."

You blushed harder, waving them off before you made your way to the lockers where your boyfriend now was. 

"Nobunaga? I'm coming in, " you called before stepping into the locker room. Except for the sound of water running from the shower area where your boyfriend was, the room was incredibly quiet. Slowly, you made your way towards the shower room, stopping by the entrance as Nobunaga's perfect physique, which the glass door did very little to hide. His arms braced the wall, as the stream of warm water cascaded down his back, his tight bum and his long legs. 

As if caught in a trance, you decide just then to give him a celebration he won't forget. You stripped off your clothes, careful not to make any noise while you do. After you'd folded and set them aside, you hurry to the shower room before you lose your nerve. 

The sound of the glass door sliding made him tense, and he immediately glanced behind him. 

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to decide to join you since you were taking your sweet time, " you responded quietly. 

Your retort made him smirk, and you found yourself pinned against the tiles as he molded your lips with his. It was quite a sensation - the cool surface of the shower tiles on your back and the heat of his body pressed against yours almost made you melt. 

"You were waiting?" He asked in between kisses. 

"You said earlier that we'll talk - oh…, " you gasped as he pushed his tongue into your mouth to dance with yours. 

"Yes, I said we were going to talk, " he said, catching his breath before capturing your mouth with his once again. "You've been a naughty girl, socializing with our rivals."

"I have not, " you said, panting while pulling him in for another kiss. 

"Playing the role of damsel in distress, " he continued, as he trailed kisses down your neck. "Trying to get me jealous."

Your eyes flew wide at his admission. "Jealous? You?"

"And this surprises you?" 

"Yes, " you replied, pushing against him hard enough against the wall. The warm water from the shower only made your body feel hotter, as you trailed kisses from his chest down to the tight muscles of his stomach, and finally dropping to your knees as you held the girth of his cock, and gazed up at him. "I'm surprised you're jealous especially because you should know by now that I crave only you."

You flicked the tip of his cock with your tongue, tasting his precum that leaked out of his hardened member. Your eyes never leaving him, you lapped up and down his length slowly again and again until he groaned. Cupping your cheeks with his hands, he shoved his cock into your mouth, reaching all the way to the back of your throat. "That's it, baby. Suck me harder, " he said, his breathing ragged. You placed your hands on his hips for support and he tightened his hold on your hair as he fucked your mouth. 

After a while, he pulled you to your feet and backed you up against the wall once more. Wrapping your legs around his waist, he entered you with one swift motion and drowned your moan with a kiss. 

You clawed at his back and kissed him desperately. He was rougher than usual, but that didn't seem to bother you. You were so close to orgasm as pleasure coursed through you as he pounded into you relentlessly. You missed this - you missed him - and you knew you weren't going to last. 

"Nobunaga!" You cried out as you flew into orgasm, and he followed shortly after, grunting loudly as he came. As soon as you both came down from your high, he carefully set you back on your feet but didn't stop holding you close. 

"I missed you, " you murmured against his chest.

"I missed you too, " he said, as he tucked your hair behind your ear. "And I'm sorry. It was foolish of me to act like I did."

"I'm glad you agree. I won't ever leave you, you know."

He smirked. "I know, baby, " he said. "Because you and me, we're endgame." 

The end. 

[otomelavenderhaze]

Hii Fa! If I could I would pay for the boosts too haha things would be less difficult. What you did there was some nice thinking! And it's even better if you don't regret it.

I'm sure there are going to be so many great four-stars, at least one of them is going to suit me better. Yeah, I'm gonna save for a little while, maybe two weeks more? But, I'm gonna try for sure in this banner, just gotta wait a bit more!

Was Diona good for your team dynamic? If you really liked her, she'll come back... In a year or so....

Oh, so there's this too, this 47-50... The things they don't tell you in the official statements. Wow your sister, it's like getting the perfect grade without studying, admittedly she tries hard, so she has my respect too.

Tho I don't think there's anything wrong in just having fun without doing everything, it's a game and that's what it's for! - I say, while being lazy and not wanting to walk miles in game to find chests. I really mean it, pushing yourself too hard is just not worth it. I only finished one game 100%, and after I hardly worked for months for it, I was leisurely driving my flower car, when the game crashed and never worked again haha

I wonder what these things even are... I see people talking about potions and special foods and I am just ignoring it for now, a die hard gamer routine is something I'll never achieve

So pulling on different banners has a difference in the character's skills? Did I misunderstand it? So the 4 stars are better than the 5 stars that have no proper buildings... hm hm lol this game has a way to make me confused, but it's fine

I'm almost there, I'm in Lvl 15. But 60 primogems after every course, I'll speed up! Funny story, I decided that i wanted to unlock the Liyue area, but I wasn't aware it was Liyue, so I walked up to the statue of the geo archon and resonated with it and unlocked the map! After that I pretended nothing happened, and ignored its existence to avoid spoiling the main plot.

I don't remember well, but yes he was really good, while he was alive I had a lot of fun!

Is your Keqing building going well? She must be really fast if she's quicker than the traveler, since to me they're really swift!

What is this resing system? The blue moons used to collect the prizes? Must suck to play through a lot of things that require them at once, if that's what you mean.

I always do maths for games that I care for and I try to make the smart move about money - besides I never mind waiting in Genshin, I’m cool with collecting it every day and doing my tasks. 

It’s more like... Diona is a cat little baby and I love cats xD besides my only healer is Barbara and Bennett xD which don’t leave me much space to try different things. However, Diona is added to the banner, like I said, all 4 stars in banners will be added to the standard banner, so she’s not lost for me!! 

Besides support ice characters does great combos reactions, some element reactions cause more damage and normally it has to do with fire and ice. 

My sister told me actually that she got it reaching 70 pulls actually D: but yeah, actually the rarest is 45-50 pulls. But yeah, those of 70 and that less one are for single pulls made strategically and you could end up getting one 5 stars or not!! There’s tons of videos about rating and they can explain it better to you than me xD

Yeah, I know right? My sister loves grinding, when she downloaded the game she got so addicted and she wanted to clean everything fast, because this is just how she likes playing games. I’m hella more laid down even if I do grind too. 

ALSO, besides what you said and that I totally agree on, Genshin is the type of game that you should take your time really, precisely because it is not finished yet. 

Don’t worry about potions and food in the start, the game will teach you everything about it and you will get used to it too eventually. 

No, you understood wrong. Or I probably explained it wrong... lemme see... hm... Mihojo is getting better and better at creating 5 stars, they’re learning with the community what kind of characters can balance out the game and which wouldn’t, so there are no characters in the standard banner that can change battle styles in the middle of combat like Childe can OR there’s no character that can strike a meteor with their ult and stop enemies like Zhongli does, those characters got created after that feedback and they’re more “dynamic” than the ones created at first for the game. 

Don’t get me wrong, Diluc is an amazing dps, Qiqi is an amazing healer and Keqing is good at being a dps as well, the 5-star from the standard banners are good ones, but none of them can be as good as the new ones because the new ones are evolving with the game’s mechanics, so there’s a possibility of those characters become outdated in front such better ones. That’s what I meant. 

BUT in long term is easier getting 4 stars, so let’s say that while Diluc is great and all, if you have a Xinyan with 6 constellations, she will be better than a dry (with no constellations) Diluc in theory. Because she will be having a boost from those that will make her stronger. The thing is, the number of 4 stars will increase and it’s going to be harder getting duplicates of them xD 

Ah, I’m pretty sure I did the same with Liyue LOL and you’re indeed almost there!! It worthed, it’s going to be a lot more than 400 primals in that event and you can do the courses any day, they just unlock one everyday, if you play through them all you can get them all in the same day... you just have to not miss the last day or leave it all for one day....... 

I was farming for Keqing and her sword today, I had to stop exactly because of the resin system xD because I ran out of chances to keep collecting things, so I will have to wait and wait and wait kkkkkkkk I can’t really explain everything about the resin’s issues... because I just understand that it takes way too long to accumulate and stops the player from farming enough. 

I recommend you watch a video about it tho, I really don’t think I know how to explain that one to it’s fullest, the issue is better explained from the players that have a real routine in the game and are focused on farming - I’m that type that goofy around xD

AHH, I will keep your ask about Horizon in my inbox for future reference. Yeah, I figured that I shouldn’t fall in love with any side character and not romanticize them, I got that feeling from the beginning. Thank you for the tips, pay pal!! 

[missmentelle]

My wife and I lost our baby a few months back. She has taken it much harder than me, and unfortunately she seems to take it out on me. She rarely gets out of bed and orders me around to get whatever she needs, and always has something nasty to say to me (I'm stupid, I never do anything right, she's sick of me). Sometimes she seems normal and she apologizes but 99% of the time she hates me. How can I handle her behavior, since it's only because she's grieving? She wouldn't act like this normally

I’m really sorry to hear that you went through that. Losing a child is one of the most difficult things that a couple or an individual can experience, and it can take a long time to figure out how to deal with that pain and start to feel like your old self again. This kind of loss can often fill a person with rage and anger at the injustice of what has happened, and when there is nowhere for them to direct that anger, it’s loved ones who often bear the brunt of it. 

I think it would be a good idea for the two of you to look into local grief and support groups for parents who have lost a child. This is a unique kind of grief, and seeking support from other people who have gone through it can be immensely helpful for many people. Groups like this exist in most urban areas, and are generally open to parents who’ve experienced everything from a miscarriage to the loss of an adult child. If your wife is not up to going, you could also go by yourself, and discuss the issues that the loss is causing in your relationship - marital problems are common after the death of a child, and you are not alone with your experience. Organizations like The Compassionate Friends run both in-person and online support groups, where you can get the support you need right now. 

It might also be a good idea to look at individual therapy for your wife. Losing a child is something that does take a long time to recover from, but it sounds like it has been several months since the loss and she is not making improvements. A person who does not begin to significantly recover after six months have passed may be suffering from PTSD or Complicated Grief Disorder - these are mental health conditions that require treatment from a mental health professional. Everyone who has been through a painful loss eventually has to find a way to accept it, live with it and find some joy again despite it - if that hasn’t started to happen on its own as time goes by, then professional help is probably the best thing. 

It’s also important to look after your own mental health in this situation. You went through the trauma of losing a child, and then the secondary trauma of having conflict with your spouse. That’s a lot for any person to go through. Are you getting the support you need, since you aren’t able to get it from your spouse right now? Have you had the time and space to properly grieve your child? If your wife has close friends and family available, it might be time to enlist them to take on more of the support duties so that you can get a break from your wife’s anger and pain now and again. Your feelings and your pain are just as important as hers, even if you express them differently, and it’s important to make sure that you are also being given a chance to work through this loss independently of your wife. 

Best of luck to you.

Miss Mentelle