#and sometimes it's a full day of 'fuck all y'all who put me there where's my fucking apology i made mine fuck you' etc

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

Happy anniversary.

[intheholler]

the appalachian murder ballad <3 one of the most interesting elements of americana and american folk, imo!

my wife recently gave me A Look when i had one playing in the car and she was like, "why do all of these old folk songs talk about killing people lmao" and i realized i wanted to Talk About It at length.

nerd shit under the cut, and it's long. y'all been warned

so, as y'all probably know, a lot of appalachian folk music grew its roots in scottish folk (and then was heavily influenced by Black folks once it arrived here, but that's a post for another time).

they existed, as most folk music does, to deliver a narrative--to pass on a story orally, especially in communities where literacy was not widespread. their whole purpose was to get the news out there about current events, and everyone loves a good murder mystery!

as an aside, i saw someone liken the murder ballad to a ye olde true crime podcast and tbh, yeah lol.

the "original" murder ballads started back across the pond as news stories printed on broadsheets and penned in such a way that it was easy to put to melody.

they were meant to be passed on and keep the people informed about the goings-on in town. i imagine that because these songs were left up to their original orators to get them going, this would be why we have sooo many variations of old folk songs.

naturally then, almost always, they were based on real events, either sung from an outside perspective, from the killer's perspective and in some cases, from the victim's. of course, like most things from days of yore, they reek of social dogshit. the particular flavor of dogshit of the OG murder ballad was misogyny.

so, the murder ballad came over when the english and scots-irish settlers did. in fact, a lot of the current murder ballads are still telling stories from centuries ago, and, as is the way of folk, getting rewritten and given new names and melodies and evolving into the modern recordings we hear today.

305 such scottish and english ballads were noted and collected into what is famously known as the Child Ballads collected by a professor named francis james child in the 19th century. they have been reshaped and covered and recorded a million and one times, as is the folk way.

while newer ones continued to largely fit the formula of retelling real events and murder trials (such as one of my favorite ones, little sadie, about a murderer getting chased through the carolinas to have justice handed down), they also evolved into sometimes fictional, (often unfortunately misogynistic) cautionary tales.

perhaps the most famous examples of these are omie wise and pretty polly where the woman's death almost feels justified as if it's her fault (big shocker).

but i digress. in this way, the evolution of the murder ballad came to serve a similar purpose as the spooky legends of appalachia did/do now.

(why do we have those urban legends and oral traditions warning yall out of the woods? to keep babies from gettin lost n dying in them. i know it's a fun tiktok trend rn to tell tale of spooky scary woods like there's really more haints out here than there are anywhere else, but that's a rant for another time too ain't it)

so, the aforementioned little sadie (also known as "bad lee brown" in some cases) was first recorded in the 1920s. i'm also plugging my favorite female-vocaist cover of it there because it's superior when a woman does it, sorry.

it is a pretty straightforward murder ballad in its content--in the original version, the guy kills a woman, a stranger or his girlfriend sometimes depending on who is covering it.

but instead of it being a cautionary 'be careful and don't get pregnant or it's your fault' tale like omie wise and pretty polly, the guy doesn't get away with it, and he's not portrayed as sympathetic like the murderer is in so many ballads.

a few decades after, women started saying fuck you and writing their own murder ballads.

in the 40s, the femme fatale trope was in full swing with women flipping the script and killing their male lovers for slights against them instead.

men began to enter the "find out" phase in these songs and paid up for being abusive partners. women regained their agency and humanity by actually giving themselves an active voice instead of just being essentially 'fridged in the ballads of old.

her majesty dolly parton even covered plenty of old ballads herself but then went on to write the bridge, telling the pregnant-woman-in-the-murder-ballad's side of things for once. love her.

as a listener, i realized that i personally prefer these modern covers of appalachian murder ballads sung by women-led acts like dolly and gillian welch and even the super-recent crooked still especially, because there is a sense of reclamation, subverting its roots by giving it a woman's voice instead.

meaning that, like a lot else from the problematic past, the appalachian murder ballad is something to be enjoyed with critical ears. violence against women is an evergreen issue, of course, and you're going to encounter a lot of that in this branch of historical music.

but with folk songs, and especially the murder ballad, being such a foundational element of appalachian history and culture and fitting squarely into the appalachian gothic, i still find them important and so, so interesting

i do feel it's worth mentioning that there are "tamer" ones. with traditional and modern murder ballads alike, some of them are just for "fun," like a murder mystery novel is enjoyable to read; not all have a message or retell a historical trial.

(for instance, i'd even argue ultra-modern, popular americana songs like hell's comin' with me is a contemporary americana murder ballad--being sung by a male vocalist and having evolved from being at the expense of a woman to instead being directed at a harmful and corrupt church. that kind of thing)

in short: it continues to evolve, and i continue to eat that shit up.

anyway, to leave off, lemme share with yall my personal favorite murder ballad which fits squarely into murder mystery/horror novel territory imo.

it's the 10th child ballad and was originally known as "the twa sisters." it's been covered to hell n back and named and renamed.

but! if you listen to any flavor of americana, chances are high you already know it; popular names are "the dreadful wind and rain" and sometimes just "wind and rain."

in it, a jealous older sister pushes her other sister into a river (or stream, or sea, depending on who's covering it) over a dumbass man. the little sister's body floats away and a fiddle maker come upon her and took parts of her body to make a fiddle of his own. the only song the new fiddle plays is the tale about how it came to be, and it is the same song you have been listening to until then.

how's that for genuinely spooky-scary appalachia, y'all?

[lesbianrobin]

ok since people r very into my chris fic i shall share some of my random behind the scenes thoughts while writing it:

adriana has literally been waiting her entire life for her obviously gay older brother who joined the army to avoid his wife and then moved to los angeles to be a sexy firefighter to COME OUT ALREADY and by the time we meet her in this fic she is like Vibrating with the need to be like EDDIE IS GAYYYYYYY ARE YOU PEOPLE BLIND??? which is why it takes like absolutely zero prodding from chris for her to spill all of eddie's business. i think when eddie was little he was a very obviously gay little boy and as he grew up he learned how to Be Normal but adriana never forgot and she's like deeply sad about it.

chris is So fucking miserable at his grandparents' house he misses video games so bad. i couldn't find a way to really incorporate this without it feeling like a cheap "look he's a TEEN BOY" thing but yeah the second he gets back home he is slamming that headset on and gaming until eddie tells him he has to take a break or he'll burn his eyes out of his sockets.

there are a Lot of songs on buck and eddie's joint depression playlist that i listed and then cut for practicality's sake but if there's any like interest in that i could maybe put together + link the full playlist for y'all?

buck's "maddie" playlist is entirely music he listened to growing up bc it makes him think of her. as a younger sibling my music taste from birth to like. age fifteen ish. was just wholly whatever my older sister listened to and i think buck is the same way. i don't think buck necessarily listens to this playlist on his own very often but if he's hanging out with maddie and/or babysitting jee-yun he'll put it on because it makes him happy to enjoy some 90s/00s nostalgia with his best girls. sometimes he'll play it in the car when he's driving chris somewhere because he wants to carry forward some of those good memories he has with maddie with chris.

buck and eddie's texts were written in order to coincide with each other! eddie texts more frequently than buck but i think if you pay attention you can sometimes tell which days buck Also sent chris a text bc they match. some of them were sent specifically in the wake of very emotionally taxing shifts where they both wanted so badly to call chris and beg him to come home but they knew that wouldn't go well and they didn't want to make chris feel guilty so they tried to play it cool.

speaking of buck and eddie: i don't think that eddie's conversation with chris is necessarily the First step in eddie realizing he's gay or moving toward something romantic with buck. keep in mind that chris has been gone for at least two weeks by the time he talks to either of them, and buck and eddie spend the vast majority of their time together. this fic is restricted to chris' pov, and he has no way of knowing whether, say, buck and tommy broke up, or whether his dad has been thinking about some things differently since he's been gone. buck and eddie Also have to spend twelve hours in a car together just the two of them between the end of the fic and their reunion with chris. this is not me saying that buck and tommy DID break up or that buddie got together while chris was away (i don't actually have a solid "canon" for where they're at), just that i intentionally left space for a wide range of possibilities due to chris' limited knowledge of what's going on with them!!

i kinda intentionally did not delve too deeply into the psychology of the diaz parents here because i think their behavior is a bit inscrutable to chris. the vast majority of his memories of them are from when he was really little, and therefore i think he doesn't actually know them very well as people. he knows that there's some tension between them and eddie, but prior to this fic he never really bothered to question Why. all he knows is that his grandparents will probably come and get him if he calls, and that it'll hurt his dad's feelings, and in the immediate aftermath of the kim debacle that's all he cares about. once he's in el paso, he starts noticing some things that make him a bit uncomfortable, but he never does determine for sure what their motivations and opinions are about this whole situation, whether they're treating him a certain way bc he's the grandkid or bc of his cerebral palsy, and whether their treatment of eddie really does stem from homophobia or not. at the end of the day he's thirteen years old and i wanted to leave his grandparents' True Selves as a bit of a mystery because 1. i don't think They necessarily know why they do what they do and 2. i don't think there's any one answer that would be satisfying.

chris literally had zero intention of saying anything to eddie about the Gay Thing he just is very much thirteen years old and emotional and he fundamentally Trusts his father to never like. lash out at him for saying something like that. so he doesn't try too hard to hold it back and impulsively says Hey Dad Are You Gay Maybe because he's never gone so long without talking to his dad before and he's just bursting with thoughts and feelings. he's not even trying to do a buddie matchmaking thing it's just that the easiest way to make his argument is to be like (points at buck).

[yippieitsarvensart]

Tweels hc doodles + notes!

Goodness me, I've not been working on these for very long but here's all of what I've thought of within 2 days of thinking about them!! I basically started writing about them the moment I finished drawing "the fuck you brothers" post (9/24) (and today, 9/26) I totally have been thinking about them more after I wrote all this, so I will be continuing on with my hcs right here, under the cut :3 (keep in mind I have not yet played twst! If I get anything gravely wrong correct me!) (9/28, edit: I downloaded twst y'all...)

Both of the twins are autistic, just being on very different ends of er... intensity? Idk how to word that. I just mean that Floyd is someone who has trouble regulating his emotions and stims a lot. Jade doesn't stim as often, he probably would if he were infodumping about mushrooms/his terrariums or whatever else. I think I mean. That Jade suppressed his autistic tendencies by a lot to seem more like a gentleman, while Floyd doesn't really give much of a shit and probably doesn't even know he's autistic.

on that note they both have ADHD. AuDHD brothers.

Anyways as I way saying abt Floyd stimmies; He stims a LOT. Just, all the damn time. It gets so annoying for a lot of people and everyone knows he can't control it. His clingyness is also stimming, he's very touchy. A lot of stim toys don't actually help him but he does calm down significantly more when he's wearing headphones and listening to loud music. That's what stimulates him the most.

Jade only stims when excited, yeah I mentioned that. But did I mention he also stims a lot when stressed. In front of costumers, if he was stressed he might only fiddle with his fingers behind his back. But as soon as he gets away it's full body stimming time baby. Mans is not okay but he cannot let that mask slip!! (I forgot the word before, but I meant to say in my first dotpoint that jade is better at masking than Floyd!!)

Floyd mcr liker >_< (songs about depression and drugs to think about violence to!) Floyd also likes shit like "41 mins of roblox music" or any spongebob music. skull emoji.

Jade Laufey liker :33 (calm songs to think about violence to!)

Floyd likes dancing around in his room to music. Like really getting into it. Putting one song on loop and doing the same dance moves over and over again. (stimming) (oh my god I'm PROJECTING AGAIN stop....)

Jade likes drawing mushrooms. He's really good at drawing nature and when I say "good" I mean if you looked at it, you'd think it was a picture. Like abnormally good for someone who used to not even have paper available...

I saw this from a moot once on twitter I think, but they both (+ Azul) probably had a hard time adjusting to walking around everywhere instead of swimming when they first came onto land. And I think there was something about holding on to bars on stairs WAYY too tight because they feel so wobbly going up them. Same with like, escalators? and elevators? didn't fucking trust them. And they still don't sometimes... Adding onto this I think that they'd both get really frustrated at first with it. Like genuinely really upset; Floyd dramatically falling to the floor and flailing around on the verge of tears while Jade punches the ground over and over... They obviously got better at land things after a long while but for a bit they were just so. not okay LOL

I think for casual/home clothes they'd both be really into big fluffy jumpers. massive fucking huge fluffy shits. They'd be all over the texture and it would be so so texture /pos drooling emoji

I had a little thing that I thought of where I would give Floyd Heart shaped eye shines PLUS an extra smaller not heart eye shine. And giving Jade a square shaped shine with no extra shines. It just makes so much sense to me. Like I can't explain it very well but if you get it, you get me. Do you get me...

WHICH leads me to say then that when Floyd gets MAD he would have NO eye shines. Do you get me. I totally make sense right/. And Jade getting happy about anything even if it doesn't show on his face it would totally show in his eyes... Which also brings me back to something I wrote in my doodle notes with the pupils being like cats... OUGH I'M GOING INSANE DO I MAKE SENSE

another thing my twt moot said !! Floyd would hate necklaces/rings/other accessories and jewelry! It relates back to my point about Floyd hating the feeling of tight clothes, and things touching his skin too much. I feel like if he had say, a necklace on for like 0.1s he would rip it the fuck off, destroying the necklace in the process

Floyd: :3 (aggressive)

Floyd loving to squeeze people but hurting them is 90% of the time on purpose hurting and 10% accidental hurting and when it IS accidental he gets so upset about it. I like to think Floyd is the more emotional out of the two... just so many emotions in that boy. like he just !! wants to give you love !!! but he's so strong he breaks ur ribs !!!! many of ur ribs!! ur honestly surprised you haven't punctured a lung yet!!!

On that note they BOTH are extremely touch starved. Floyd would fucking LOVE it if someone were to lay down on top of him for hours he would feel so squished!! and warm and nice!! and comfy!

Jade on the other hand, LOVES holding hands. holding ONTO something holding onto someONE.

Jade is a gift giver (love language) I bet you can't guess what Floyd is

His love language is Physical touch. Yeah

Jade getting people way too many gifts when it's a special occasion for them because he thinks they might think it's weird if he gets them a gift on any other day.

Floyd hyperpop liker (just overall really likes loud thrashy music or whatever)

Floyd also really got into those games where you have to beat the shit out of a dummy. He doesn't like ones where you have to TIME a hit to make it work (makes him annoyed bc he can't do it) Games like Pou I think....

While Jade enjoys colour by number or those hue games? just doing it in his free time.

[thecomfortgoth]

I would like to request Steve Harrington x Reader. After what everyone went through in the Upside Down, the reader has panic attacks. Steve is there to help the reader when she has them.

Thank you so much for your request @lma1986 ❤️

Okay so, I really hope this is what you wanted! I kinda took your idea and ran with it a little WOOPS

Steve Harrington x Reader

⚠️ Please make sure you read the content warnings before reading as this work contains some heavy themes/topics ⚠️

CW: established relationship, takes place in 1987, anxiety, panic attack, talks of the Upside Down, talks of a major character death (y'all know who I mean😞), angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, Steve Harrington loving the bones off of you, breathing techniques, lil bit of kissing at the end hehe, all characters are 18+

WC: 1.6k

You couldn't quite put your finger on it.

You're not sure what led to this.

You'd been sitting quite happily, watching a movie, a soft fuzzy blanket over your lap, the comfortable couch underneath you, warm, cosy and content. When suddenly you felt it seep in. It started with your mind wandering, your palms becoming sweaty, your heart beginning to race. 

You froze. Even though you weren't moving anyway, you definitely felt your body stiffen up. Like you'd just been dunked in ice cold water. Or at least that's how your blood flowing through your veins felt. Your eyes were fixed on one spot, the TV where The Goonies still played out. You felt like you couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't focus. Your chest was moving faster and faster with each breath, your heart feeling like it was about to burst as your breathing picked up. 

No. Not now. Why the fuck was this happening now of all times? Literally nothing had happened. Nothing had triggered this. And then you remembered. You remembered why you sometimes got this way, the cause of these horrible anxious feelings and these.. you didn't want to even think the word nevermind say it. You felt tears prick at your eyes as you remembered the events of last year, feeling yourself hyperventilate more. You squeezed your eyes shut, the whole room sounding, looking and feeling like static. God you hated this. You really really fucking hated this. 

After the whole Upside Down incident of 1986, you'd never been the same. And neither had anyone else who was there. You'd all lost Eddie and that was heartbreaking enough. Not to mention everything else you all went through. When you got trapped in the Upside Down because you'd got a little off the beaten path while you'd been trying to find someone to help when you'd found your poor friend with Dustin, when the gang thought they almost lost you too. Luckily, he saved you. He got you out of there. But that didn't stop the nightmares and the panic attacks that came after. 

One of which you were currently in the throes of. It always felt like you were back there. Back in the midst of it all, back in the eye of the fucking storm. Your mind racing and telling you you had to get out of wherever you were. That you had to run. That you had to just-

"Honey?" you heard a gentle voice speak, sounding a little panicked itself, momentarily stopping your racing thoughts and breaking through clouds of your psyche. It was the only thing you heard through the loud ringing in your ears. It sounded far away, but close at the same time. "Honey, open your eyes for me, please" 

You did as the voice told you, even though your body told you not to and alarm bells went off in your mind, telling you to get out. That's when your eyes met a warm chestnut pair. Round and wide and full of concern. 

It was Steve. He was the one who had saved you, and still did every day. He was the one you fell in love with before any of this had even occured and were too scared to tell him in fear of ruining your friendship. But after everything that happened? You couldn't not tell him. Life was too short not to take the leap. You had been thrilled when you found out he felt the exact same. 

"Baby, listen to me okay?" You felt warm palms gently grab either side of your face, a thumb stroking over the apple of your cheek in a soothing manner, wiping away a few of the tears that creeped out. You didn't respond, you just kept looking back at the man in front of you. The man that you loved. Your Steve.

"Breathe with me, honey. Deep breaths. In and out, just like this, 'kay? Follow my lead and do what I'm doing" he said softly, keeping his tone calm and his voice gentle. He didn't want to startle you, especially not right now, he was very wary of how he spoke to you when this happened. You watched as his shoulders slowly rose up, filling his lungs with air before he opened his mouth in a tight O and blew the air out steadily between his lips. He did that a few times and nodded at you, signalling for you to copy him. 

You did your best, breathing in through your nose, albeit not as deep as he could, but you filled your lungs as much as the crushing feeling still in your chest allowed. Before slowly but shakily exhaling through your mouth while he smiled at you softly and continued.

"That's it, angel. Keep going. Just focus on me and keep breathing like this. You're doing so well, so so well" he said to you, nodding his head slowly as he took another breath in and you copied him.

With each breath in..  and then out..  you felt the bad feelings and the bad thoughts slowly dissipate. You felt the weight pressing down on your chest lift off and soon vanish. You looked back into the eyes of your saviour, your boyfriend, your honest-to-god true love, and soon enough you felt a little better. 

Steve knew what it was like. He'd been there. He was still there. There were times you had to do the exact same thing for him. And you never questioned it, not once, you just.. did it. Because you loved him. And he loved you too. There was never even a singular thought of "why would I do that?" between you both when it came to helping each other out like this. You both never hesitated, especially since you both more than understood exactly why this had been happening. 

You felt your shoulders drop a little and you blinked slowly, reaching up and resting your hands over his gently. Warm soft palms to rough knuckles. Slowly sliding them down until you were holding his wrists carefully. He smiled a little wider at you, most of the concern leaving his face as he studied your own and your body language, figuring that you were over the worst of it now. 

"You okay honey?" He said, a hand reaching to stroke at your hair. It was only then that you noticed he was kneeling on the floor in front of you, in his Hawkins gym shorts and a fuzzy blue sweater. He had been previously nestled next to you before this happened. He must have felt your breathing change and immediately got in front of you to help you. 

"Yeah.. m'okay Stevie.. sorry I.. I don't know w-" you began but you were soon shushed softly. 

"Hey, what did I tell you about apologising for that? You never have to apologise to me, baby. Never. Especially not for this. You'd do the same for me right? You do the same for me" he smiled at you warmly, leaning forward and placing a gentle peck on your forehead. You smiled a little as you felt his lips press to your skin, all plush and soft. He didn't move away though, he just slotted his nose next to yours and stared into your eyes. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You're human. And what we went through.. it was tough. But you don't have to go through it alone. I'll always be here, every step of the way" his voice was low, his tone sincere. It made you kind of get a little dizzy, thinking of how in love you were with this handsome tall man of your dreams, how you really wished that always would be your reality. 

"I know, Stevie. I'll always be here too. Thank you babe, I feel much better now." You whispered back to him, smiling and nodding your head as he watched your face, confirming to him that you were definitely okay. You had calmed down and were feeling more yourself again, thanks to him. It was a wonder the magic that he possessed, in the way he could make you feel less like your world wasn't crumbling in just a few breaths and a few seconds. 

"Good. Now can I get a kiss from my girl?" He grinned cheekily, wiggling his eyebrows. It made you roll your eyes and giggle at him. He thought he was so smooth. Okay, maybe he was but.. you wouldn't tell him that. His head was already big enough as it is, thanks to the Farrah Fawcett spray. 

"Hmm I don't know.. it'll cost you" you smiled, leaning in and pressing your lips to his gently, giving him a long peck. 

"Oh yeah? Well how about I just use my.. boyfriend discount?" he smirked, lunging forward and wrapping his arms around you as he climbed back onto the couch, practically laying on top of you as he made you fall to the side and onto your back. You sprawled out along the length of the couch as you wrapped your arms around his neck and allowed it, letting him pepper kisses all over your face, before he finally met your lips. He tasted like cinnamon and sugar. Warm and sweet. Just like him. 

There was nothing sweeter than Steve's kisses and having his arms around you. Nothing could make you feel bad when you had him nuzzling his way into the crook of your neck, laying his weight on top of you and playing with the ends of your hair, sighing through his nose into your skin as he breathed your scent in and out, which he could never get enough of. 

He could never get enough of you, not in a million years. You were his safe space. And he was yours. You smiled, humming contentedly as you closed your eyes, running your fingers through his soft brown locks, listening to the little huff of happiness come from him and feeling his smile against your skin.

"I think that boyfriend discount definitely works" 

[msmc-796-official]

Tales From Planetfall #2: 3NK1-D0N7

'sup nerds! Slipshod here - P said I was allowed to tell stories from my past if I put 'em under this tag. might as well share one of my favorite stories from the HORUS days and give y'all a sneak peek into the absolute shitshow that was my past

little bit of context - during my time with HORUS, I went by the callsign Ripcord. the cell I come from is long since defunct, but given the kind of shit we got up to, not entirely sure it's safe to give that name out publicly just yet. let's just say if the phrase "shove that up your shaft and smoke it" means anything to you, you know exactly which cell I'm talking about ;)

one of my buddies from back in the day - username KeepHonking-ImReloading, if they still use it - was a bit of a whiz when it came to masking their mech signature. you all know how the lycan frame works nowadays - it uses a dummy shell to hide its true nature until it actually gets into combat, then sheds that shell and goes full tilt. KH-IR did something that, but with a slightly different method. they liked to physically modify a mech's frame until it actually resembled a completely different mech - sometimes not even one from the same manufacturer

(if memory serves, the most extreme they ever got was modifying a hydra with some illegal greywash extruders until it was damn near a functional balor in its own right. real impressive shit, lemme tell ya, especially as they were able to keep the drone capabilities mostly intact. idiot damn near got blown to hell and back when Union found out, but RA almighty was that a sight to see in combat)

anyways, I wound up in a chatroom with 'em one day and we got to talking. told 'em I was a toku pilot and they got real excited. (one of their first ever modified builds was a toku, apparently.) they asked if I was down to take a dare, and being the hotshot piss-and-vinegar pilot I was back then, I said yes. they pitched me this: take the secondary set of arms off my toku, set my torch configs to look like claws, adjust the legs to be digitigrade, and see how long I could fool an opponent into thinking I was piloting an enkidu

now, if you know anything about HA history, you'll know that legit enkidu frames can only be found over on Hercynia, and even those are only prototypes - an officially licensed HA enkidu frame categorically doesn't exist. however, as their prototype code is what eventually became today's tokugawa, it wasn't all that unreasonable of an idea... and so I said sure, fuck it, let's see what we can do

the mods themselves were easy enough - the secondary arms came off clean, the torch config mods were practically built into the base system already (apparently if you poke around in the right code blocks long enough, you can find the original torch-projection pattern for enkidu claws - who knew?), and a few tweaks was all it took to swap the legs over to digitigrade. I had my "enkidu" all ready to go, now it was time to deploy

myself and a couple of buddies got our chance soon enough - we got word that there was a squad of IPS-N trunk security goons poking their noses where they didn't belong, and one of our fellow cells was under heat. naturally, that shit doesn't fly on HORUS turf, so we headed out there to resolve things

with the way enkidus were originally built, they're meant to override their pilot's minds and drive them murder-crazy. (kinda like a SEHKMET-class NHP, if you wanna use that comparison.) I've always been a pretty aggressive pilot, but that kinda behavior is a bit much, even for me. that being said, most pilots have never seen an enkidu before, and I could use that element of surprise to my advantage. crouch real low like a big cat about to pounce, turn the torch-claws on (and summarily watch these nerds shit themselves, because holy fuck that's an enkidu oh shit-), and then lunge full tilt at the nearest enemy and give 'em hell

the wave of pure adrenaline I got from tearing into that first poor trunk security sucker like a wild animal made me question if there wasn't still some latent enkidu code hidden in my toku after all. never before had I felt more alive, and never have my reactors sang louder than they did that day. pilots today may joke about "going feral", but brother, I was living it. (I wish I still had the after-action recording that I sent over to KH-IR - I'd love to rewatch it now and see just how insane I must have looked inside that cockpit)

needless to say, I lived up to the dare, and I had earned KH-IR's respect for it. I got sent a few new torch config patterns as compensation (one of which - a battleaxe - I still use to this day), and also earned a new nickname on the forums. y'all know me today as 70KU-N4H-W4, but for a few glorious weeks after that incident, I was known on the HORUS forums as 3NK1-D0N7. (fun fact about my username - almost changed it to F4UX-UG4W4 instead after this went down. ultimately decided against it after KH-IR weighed in and said they liked this one better)

anyways, I think that's enough of a wall of text for now. this was fun to write - haven't thought about those days in a long while. who knows, if y'all wanna hear more from me, I might write another one of these someday

take care out there, nerds. until next time ;)

-- Slipshod

[gaemms-chamois]

random unorganized darknights trio + paprika musings bc sometimes i'm hit with like a pang of Brief Worry that i'm completely misinterpreted blabla that usually doesn't last too long bc i then go back to my state of I'm Just Vibing but ig at some point i just gotta let it out publicly once and be done with it lol

this is messily written Please Understand this isn't meant to be a grand thought piece

fuuuck ok well this is like very specifically abt the w, ines & paprika part now

like don't get me wrong on this. i joke abt wines moms and stuff but i dont genuinely mean it in the way of wahh wow littol family for reals kinda deal?

less on wines 'adopting' paprika, moreso paprika imprinting on them like a duckling after she was saved by them. paprika adopted them lmao. i cannot possibly interpret either w or ines as Maternal in such a way.

it's moreso that i think it's nice that this little sarkaz merc became part of the story, a girl who all her life since she was infected at a young age, was presented with becoming a mercenary being basically the only option for her.

and then, as annoying as w can be, being shown that she does have different options.

i just think it's sweet that paprika, judging by her voicelines, clearly looks up to w and ines. which is just amplified by the fact that w and ines are notoriously not the most popular people on rhodes lol. and she calls w annoying but still keeps knitting stuff and wanting to gift food to her. like if she often seeks out w and ines to tell them how well she did on something, when they are on the ship, etc. that'd at least indicate that those two humor her.

ALSO IT'S UNOFFICIAL BUT SHOUTOUT TO THAT LITTLE CHUZENJI ART WITH PAPRIKA AND W, INES & TOTTER WEARING KNITTED HATS SO CUTE

OKAY WOO DARKNIGHTS MERCENARY TRIO AND STUFF

cool yeah obviously i fucking love them. i'm not very good at words though and i tend to keep my more elaborate thoughts to just discussions between friends who know how i tick djsfhdfs

just the other day i was smiling to myself during a walk bc holy shit all three are actually playable now and that's not just wishful thinking anymore. anyway chapter 13 also happened and more stuff with the trio happened and Cool Lots of things Happening and my brain is full

they're so found family to me, like in an utterly unconventional way. i mean c'mon with how they act sometimes like- ykno. but like have y'all seen the new furniture set and descriptions that came with hoederer's release it made me go insanse.

but i think especially in ines' case it just kinda highlights that best. considering ines' arts can figure people out (putting that in rather vague terms), it truly means something when someone with her capabilities and temperament has people she chooses to stick by and actually trust. even if she pretends she doesn't by verbally denying it.

like waugh Okay they have a lot to unpack and shit but with them being reunited (take that, W file that said W needs companionship but her friends aren't around anymore) and having a COMPARATIVELY more ""relaxed"" life than before (that one Hoederer file where he just has rather regular days on rhodes), it's just nice to imagine they can finally have something better and figure stuff out. as complicated as the three of them are.

with that said i think it's a given that i despise a nuclear family treatment of the three (aka mom ines, dad hoederer, daughter w).

for one with me being highly doubtful w was a kid/teen at the start of darknights (young? sure, but not that young), which just seems like such a...widespread belief that i really do not get? arknights always put a LOT of emphasis on when a character's story was about them being a kid, 0 of that with w. like something about her expression and big cloak just gave people some different impression, even though she literally keeps looking the same aside from a change of clothes. only instance of w being called a kid during that time i can think of is that one boiler worker in her files but that seems way more like any typical old guy calling anyone on the younger side a kid. hell, even hoederer was called young in darknights, like in a sarkaz's lifespan i can believe that.

and also...hoederer had somewhat of a mentor-like role for w, but if anyone tries to tell me ines ever acted maternal towards w i will chew through your walls. read through darknights memoir and actually pay attention to ines, both w AND ines were pettyass women and they made that so very clear. cannot fathom how anyone can see ines as having been motherly towards w

seriously just feels like a case of Well there is man and there is woman....and this other character so clearly these are mom, dad and kid.

that's not even me being biased towards w/ines, just how i objectively see it. hell, i even ENJOY ines/hoederer, but my enjoyment of it is limited bc for some reason ppl like to make it weird by shoving w in as some daughter. i promise it's completely possible to like ines/hoederer without trying to fit in w as a kid figure

anyways yeah like cool i like these characters I Guess. Look at them

[forlorn-crows]

Ghoulette mischaracterizing...

I'm sure a lot of people will tell you it's mommy-coding Cumulus, which tbh it probably is. (see also: Aether. boy likes to be held too ya know?) But I've seen a lot of people actively pushing against that recently which makes me very happy.

So instead I raise you Confident-Boss-Bitch Cirrus. We've all seen her hyping the crowd behind the keyboard risers like a soccer mom on match day, she OWNS the stage with the keytar solo, and she's pretty much a universal dom in fics.

But, what if she's not the on-stage persona? (We all hc Dew as something other than just angry right?) What if she's actually hiding a deep feeling of needing to hold the pack together and appear in control all the time because of the turbulence around when she first joined the pack? I get strong eldest-daughter vibes.

I hc that she has a soft and vulnerable side the congregation doesn't see, even her pack don't know the full extent of it, only Cumulus does really since they were summoned together. She has insecurities too, just more hidden.

Here is where I tell every fic writer who ever put any time into making the ghoulettes more 3D that I love them will all my heart (your cirrus/mist fic was *chefs kiss* btw!) 🖤

Hope you're work day goes well!

i think y'all hit the nail on the head. honestly speaking i think cirrus is one of the least dynamically written characters in this fandom. 90% of the time she's the mean femme-dom. nothing more. like? thats boring! i like what you've all said about the reason she might put up a stern or stoic front.

but! also! what sage mentioned. while i think she takes performing seriously, she isnt serious in appearance, if that makes sense. she is having fun, jumping around, doing little hand gestures, and bein fuckin sexayyyy on that keytar. she's having fun with it all, performing just like the rest of them. i'll see clips of her and just scream LOOK AT HER GOOO.

and yes, how does that differ from her off-stage personality? i still think she's on the stoic side, like dew. but she isnt, like, apathetic. she's silly, she laughs, she teases, she pines, she fails, she cries. she. fUCKING. BOTTOMS Y'ALL. come on. you can't tell me swiss doesnt run her into the fucking ground sometimes. you cant tell me that lus doesnt absolutely pamper her and eat her out as long as she wants. you cant tell me that dew doesnt take it slow with her, hold her close and warm and let her relax for once.

i would really like to see us dig into her more. what is she really like outside the bedroom, outside of her relationship with cumulus? bc, lets face it, lots of us like to write them as a unit. while they're fucking in love, obviously, i mean come on, cirrus is a person aside from her bond w/lus. what is she like with the others? hell, what is she like when she's alone?

its why i wrote her the way i did in Been Long Enough. i wanna see her stutter, see her 'meet her match' so to say. bc i still think cirrus is very clever, smart. she can still like that dom role every once in a while (again, remember a little dash of these things are fine). but i think she gets tired of it too. she wants to be taken care of, wants to just totally have that control slip out from under her. maybe thats something about her, an anxiety like those of you mentioned that creates a front that isnt really her.

i wanna pick her apart more. @askingforthesun always helps me see the light about her haha. they are very passionate about cirrus and rightfully so, and i always love what they have to say about her.

[astramachina]

musical tag game!

@fortunatetragedy tagged me a couple days ago and if y'all know anything about me is how much i fucking LOVE talking about the musical influences behind my silly lil guys.

I want to know what 1-3 songs you feel best embody a character from your WIP/s, either in general or at this moment in the plot.

nailing Ricky to a cross for this one, so saddle up boys. (he does have a full playlist which you can listen to here!)

"Rabbit Hole", by AViVA

I could say I'll take you I could say I'll make you But underneath all I plan to do, to do is break you You could be my breakthrough Watching demons wait 'til I leave you, and they can initi-niti-nitiate you

aside from the "haha, i get it, because William's a rabbit" imagery and obvious play on words, Ricky's journey is all about facing his demons head-on while sauntering into the deepest pits of hell with the casualness of a man uncaring for his borrowed time. the problem is, hell would've been a cozier alternative to whatever the fuck Ricky has gotten himself into. he thinks he can play William's game and win, and the same can be said for William. unfortunately both took calculated risks and boy howdy they are both bad at math.

2. "Destroy Me," by Mr.Kitty

I couldn't run I wouldn't hide Lay on the ground I should've died Red river flows Lights start to fade Your work is done Please, let me decay I need you to hurt me I need you to fight me I need you to kill me I need you to destroy me

sometime in his youth Ricky really thought that suffering abuse was the only way to atone for the horrors he had no control of, and because by lying and saying he was actively inviting said abuse he felt like he had a modicum of control over said situations. he likes to think he grew out of that. :) he's older and wiser now :)) not at all unwillingly desperate to accept whatever kind of "love" he can take. :)))))

3. "Panic Room," by Au/Ra

Still waiting, hands shaking Maybe the coast will clear But these voices, these strange noises They followed me in here My phone has no signal It's making my skin crawl The silence is so loud The lights spark and flicker With monsters much bigger Than I can control now Welcome to the panic room Where all your darkest fears are gonna Come for you, come for you Welcome to the panic room You'll know I wasn't joking When you see them too, see them too

SURELY the conses won't quences, right. right?

BONUS TRACK: "Points of Authority," by Linkin Park because RIP Ricky would've loved this band were he around in the 2000s but also 'You love the way I look at you / While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through.' :)))))

no pressure tagging @opaleyedprince, @ap0stle, @the-golden-comet, @deanwax, +open for anyone who wants to do the thing.

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

Voice claims through music

An excuse to geek out about my characters and music. Gonna throw down some songs/artists I think my characters sound like some is purely vibes. And toss down some explanation. I can toss down a playlist of all the songs if y'all want to go for that ride, I'd have to find a system for some where I just said the artist or an entire album.

Sorry for the chaos this is to read.

Tag list: @the-void-writes @aether-wasteland-s @magefaery @kk7-rbs @jezifster @winterandwords @liv-is @outpost51 @nanashi23 (Let me know if y'all want me to take you off or add you. Just making assumptions about who wants to see some character stuff)

-Fucked at Five-

Saz: Got that swoon worthy kinda voice swoon worthy as in she can really make you feel it when she speaks. Cracks pretty often, especially when she's got strong feelings about what she's saying. Half morphed voice gives a more ragged feel, cracks less but it's more intense. Still haven't figured out if any of the morphers can talk with words when fully morphed.

Her voice normal: Tracy Chapman (specifically her self titled album)

Half morphed form: Eat You Alive by Limp Bizkit and Hollywood Baby by 100gecs

Ian: Not to say it's whiny but it kinda is. It's voice has got the bass (think that's the word) and a sort of down low feel but it's got like that whiny edge that follows some of the shit he says. Stresses sounds on certain words that don't really need it. Kinda feels like he's being condescending at all times if you don't know him well. His half morphed form's voice still has that waving pitch stressed sounds thing going but arguably less intense. Personally I'd say his voice remains about the same octave maybe a tad bit higher.

Normal voice: The Vaccines and Blink-182

Half morphed form: Friend of a Friend by Weezer and Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus

Elliot: His voice isn't very deep and I definitely wouldn't call him soft spoken either. His voice is typically full of energy. His joy is typically contagious when not annoying. Of course his voice does fluctuate depending on the situation. Shock will either make it shoot up super high or drop really low. I think his half morphed voice is more noteable. Has more of a presence, maybe struggles to speak during his halfway form though.

Normal voice: Hopeless Romantic by Breezy Supreme and Out of My League by Fitz and The Tantrums

Half morphed form: She's Got Balls by AC/DC and I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte maybe a bit of Saturday by Remember Sports

Julie: Pretty normal in range and melodic. Her voice definitely has range though. Probably the kind of person who's voice gets higher when they're irked or attention gets put on them unexpectedly. But her voice can also drop a few octaves easily. Her half morphed form voice is still pretty melodic but the words are slower. A breath away from being off with the cadence.

Her normal voice: Breakin' My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes) by Mint Condition

Half morphed form: Satan is Motor by Cake

-Robots & Gardens-

Peace: On the deeper end but not super deep. I don't think the octave in her voice fluctuates much. It doesn't really go lower and she can't really make it higher without her voice cracking or it just becoming silence. A bit of a slower speaker. She'll leave you hanging on her words sometimes but not painfully so. When she's angry her speech is usually faster and more aggressive.

Normal voice: Making Love to Me by Pink $ock and Party Sickness by Hope Tala and Lovely Day by Bill Withers

Angry tone: Iwss by Dellie Boe

Tone and vibes purely-> her speaking with Green: Sweet Tooth Baby by Ark Woods and My Baby Loves Me by Cyberbully Mom Club maybe a splash of Me and My Husband by Mitski

Green: Her voice is gruff and low. It's got a rumble to it. Like it comes from her throat and chest. The force/intensity varies with her mood. The happier/more at ease version is more of a rumble. The angrier version's get more bite it's deeper. The sound of her words clash together so it's almost like she's just growling at you the whole time.

Normal voice: Twisted Transistor by Korn and FMLYHM by Seether

Happy/Happier voice: Monkey Wrench by Foo Fighters and ULTRAnumb by Blue Stahli and Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard

Angry/highly irritated voice: I Saw Your Mommy... By Suicidal Tendencies and Pain by Soulfly and Man of the Year (Tree City Sessions) by Dance Gavin Dance.

Tone and vibes purely-> her speaking with Peace: Love Soft by Cyberbully Mom Club and When I Come Home by The Drums and a sprinkle of Michelle by Sir Chloe

Digits: More easily described as all over the place. I wouldn't say her voice is high. I'd actually say her voice is typically more monotone and even. She's just doing fucky shit with her voice all the time to make points. That's just how she talks. Excited? It's like she's chanting. Irritated? Whiny white boy voice activated. Hurt? An amalgamation of things who knows. Peace actually finds Digit's funny because of this.

Normal voice (more like her most comfortable): Mindless Self Indulgence (Frakenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy album mostly) and I'm Not Laughing Anymore by Left at London.

Annoyed voice: Glaive (in general) and gwen by wilt

Silly goofy voice 1: I Fucked Yr Mom by Sorry Mom and I Fuck Everything Up by Mom

Donnie: Sir is mute so their's is gonna be about their tone and the vibes they give off. He gives the vibes to me of a comforting kind of tone that can flip really quick. It's on the edge at all times. Except for when he's joking most likely. Though I find his annoyance a bit funny cause they can be a little snippy a bit of an asshole real quick.

Normal tone: Piss It All Away by Puddle of Mudd and Candy Rain by Soul Rebel

Sarcasm vibe/voice: Don't Kill Yourself, You're Too Sexy by salior mel

Annoyed tone: Suffocate by Cold and Heavy by Theory of a Deadman

Hollis: On the higher side but it's got a sway/waver to it. I'd argue it can be very melodic. It has some range to it but usually just higher not necessarily deeper. When she's more serious it will mellow out and her speed will usually slow down. You can definitely hear the hurt in her voice because the pitch usually remains in the same range so sudden changes (dips or highs) is usually pretty indicative of how she's feeling.

Normal Voice: Indigo De Souza

Serious tone/voice: Wasting Your Time by Indigo De Souza and Fireman by Frankie Cosmos

Sarcastic/Smartass tone: Doritos & Fritos by 100gecs and sex money feelings die by Lykke Li

[gabessquishytum]

Y'all I. I really tried to write a fic using the 100 words, but I made it to 50 and. I just can't carry on. I'm losing my marbles. I invite you all to try the challenge for yourselves.

Anyway here's a fic. ⚠️ MASSIVE NSFW WARNING ⚠️

It's called 50 Shades of Hemulsion.

Hob has never been this interested in another man's jazz before. As far as he used to be concerned, one man's love liquor was much like any other. But now he's with Dream, he's obsessed with wet paint. Maybe there's something addictive about his lover's wad, or maybe Hob is just stupidly in love. Either way, Dream’s tallow is just the best thing on earth as far as he's concerned.

Hob loves the taste of Dream’s choad nectar on his tongue. He swallows it down eagerly every time, like it's the last meal he'll have. He also loves it when Dream spaffs on his face so he can feel it dripping down his chin. Dream likes to scoop up the string of pearls on his fingers and hand feed it to Hob. Either that or he smears that oil of man over Hob’s chest until the monkey juice clings to the thick chest hair.

Hob often walks around smelling like soap – and not the type that you might be thinking of. Any sentient being with a nose can smell Dream’s liquid silk on his skin. It would be embarrassing if Hob wasn't such a slut for that letchwater. 

Dream doesn't have to get soft after he has his man period. He can spill his live cultures into Hob multiple times per night. The man foam drips out of Hob’s arse, except when he's plugged of course. Sometimes he takes so much wank paste, he gets bloated with it. Even when he's crying with oversensitivity, Dream just gives him more spendings to keep inside.

So maybe it's no wonder that Hob is obsessed with salad dressing, since he's surrounded by it all the time. He has cute toys filled with fake white honey, but it doesn't feel or taste the same. So he has to beg Dream for his clam sauce and hope that he's feeling generous. Even when he's dreaming, he craves Dream’s spume. If he's a good boy, he gets amazing dreams where his lover gives him the jam at both ends. He wakes up still tasting like cock snot.

He does love it when Dream makes him beg for his daddy sauce. Dream is so cruel and harsh, he refuses to fuck Hob properly unless he begs. "Do you not want my white heat in you? Is my flour water not good enough for you? I thought you wanted my cream?"

So Hob has to whine and squirm and beg. "Yes, please give me your custard! I want you to put your jamba juice in me. I won't feel good until I'm stuffed with your man seed!"

"Are you sure you want my fun gel in you? Not someone else's? You are such a slut for spunk, I am not sure mine alone will be enough for you." Dream is so good at teasing. He'll only move his cock a tiny bit, refusing to give Hob the splashback he needs.

"No, Dream, your prick liquid is the best! I don't want any other dongwater in me. I've tried so much erectoplasm in my life, I just know that your buttermilk is the only thing that can satisfy me."

Dream is always merciful and fills Hob with his cock droplets over and over, until Hob spills his own layonnaise without being touched. Dream milks him of nizzle-drizzle until he's dry, and then inspects his hole. He only stops fucking Hob when the sink bubbles are leaking out of him, and he physically can't hold any more man tears. Then he pushes a plug into Hob to keep the population paste inside.

Hob’s addiction to prick liquid doesn't seem to be fading. In fact, every time Dream fills him with tail juice, Hob remembers exactly how much he loves it. He's so lucky to have Dream, who can provide all the protein shake Hob could ever want, and keeps him full up with willymilk every day. And Dream can't help but think Hob’s love of jizz is so sexy. One might even say, it makes him cum.

The End, please pray for me.

[thedawningofthehour]

Hiii! I feel a little late to the chapter 32 party but I just finished it. I made a short list (there’s so much more I could’ve put in it) of some of my favorite things from the new chapter:

1- I love how in character everything feels! I don’t have a direct quote but I have the scene where Leo just got back to the lair and the narration brought up how he just pressed the key on the keyboard and spun around just to be cool. I know that might be obvious but it really stood out to me and it hit my funny bone in the right way.

2- I really enjoyed reading about Obscurial-Swann syndrome. It’s a random like but I found it really interesting. 2.1- Also, the side note of Draxum not knowing how to delete his browsing history was hilariously accurate. He feels like the kinda guy who wouldn’t know anything about googling and using the internet because he used encyclopedias and textbooks for everything.

3- This is something we can all agree on but I really enjoy reading the conversations between Gale and Tigerclaw. You really stepped into the murder uncle role for this chapter. The honesty and care and familial love is incredible. I just love their relationship so much.

lastly I did have a question, sorry if this has already been asked before. How do you think Gale will feel about Hungin, Mungin, Cass, and Tigerclaw once he becomes Donnie again? I don’t think he would really harbor that much ill will against them because they were all so nice and genuinely cared for him (as well as the fact the cass is under the hypnosis as well, if i’m remembering correctly). Thank you so much for all your hard work. Remember to take breaks, drink water and eat full meals!!!! <3

Bro the chapter's been out for 36 hours. You're not late for anything.

Seriously, I would very much prefer people take it at their own pace and talk to me when they get to it. It's honestly really disheartening when I put a bunch of work into a chapter, get five comments on it the first day, and then radio silence until I put the next one out. And besides, this was a long chapter. I figured it would take most people a little bit to get through. (plus a lot of readers are high school/college students-I released it on a schoolday, and y'all got homework)

LEO IS JUST SILLY THAT WAY. For real, writing little actions and stuff like that is real useful for breaking up dialogue, but then I have to, like, figure out what they're actually doing while talking. It's actually harder to do with Leo's sections that Gale's, because Galois is always using various tools and doing crazy shit that literally no one other than him would understand nor expect to understand, so I can mix shit up and keep it completely vague and it's still on-brand for him. Leo-what the fuck does Leo even do? Half the time I just have him On The Computer, like how Ken's job is Beach. What's he doing on there? I dunno! I just didn't feel like even pretending to make up a reason for him being on there and I don't think he did either. I think he legit said he was going to go upstairs and Look For Donnie on his laptop and gave no thought as to how the laptop helped accomplish that. He just pulls out his computer and clackety-clacks away because it makes him look productive.

Yeah, I do try to keep out the Harry Potter references, because fuck JKR, but in the same vein you're never going to undo the effect HP had on popular culture. HP stuff is pretty much universally recognizable and sometimes it's either use HP references or go something more obscure-and in a case like this, where I'm describing a made-up condition that I don't even define in the story, it could be very confusing if the audience doesn't make the connection. (also the other half is a Twilight reference, so it's doubly cursed)

Oh, and if you noticed, it's spelled differently for both Gale and Tigerclaw, because Tigerclaw is pronouncing it wrong. :D

Draxum probably doesn't even fucking know what a browsing history is, let's be real. It's a good thing he's gotten really into this dad roleplay thing and hasn't Googled anything about mind control or how to deal with your kidnapped son's estranged brothers.

Huginn and Muninn, hmm, I'll have to think about that. I haven't really thought about them in the epilogue, to be honest, they kind of just flit in and out of the story when convenient. I can't see him blaming Cass, she's as much a victim as he is. Tigerclaw-I mean, to be fair to Tigerclaw, he's operating on limited information. Draxum told him that Galois is his son. Why should he doubt that?

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 6/8/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Death Grips - Hacker: nothing super unique to say about it other than that it's genuinely just one of the best songs. like probably ever. we know this

Limp Bizkit - Clunk: smiles. it's me. clunk is nowhere near my favorite song on three dollar bill y'all but it's like. the best of the bad songs. it never could have been a single bc it doesn't have the strength and the hook is wimpy as fuck but i have fun with it :) i like the part where fred says clunk a bunch of times and i like the breakdown :) come closer i am normal about this album

Ada Rook - TRU U (Live at ELECTROPUNKz 2023): ah, rook's performance at electropunkz. another thing that i am normal about. i believe i've professed my love for the album this song is from before, so i'll save that ramble, but i had a lot of fun with the live ep here. and tru u is such a fucking banger i love every second of it, from the silly anime sample at the beginning to the little pause in the last chorus where the word "death" intrudes. i've said before: ada rook makes the music that i wish i made. this remains true

Danny Burstein & Jessica Hecht - Do You Love Me?: i've had Theatre on the Brain for the past week or so, which led me to listen to the soundtrack to a show that my high school did (although i didn't work on that show myself, i knew people who did). fiddler on the roof is a good show imo, and while i don't really feel qualified to talk about some of the more complex subject matter of a lot of the play, this song is relatively accessible and also drives me a little crazy. i just can't get over the careful, straight-faced profession of love between two characters who never considered before that their marriage might be anything more than a practical and social necessity. it's a tribute to the fact that sometimes love is unglamorous, sometimes it's really as bland as spending all your time with someone just because they're there and while that might not be the fairy tale we all like to imagine, it doesn't make the love worthless. tevye and golde SAY that it doesn't change a thing, but i don't think we're meant to believe them. it doesn't change their often grim material lives and daily realities, true, but i like to think that knowing there's love between them will make the rest of their days just that tiny bit sweeter. i'm so normal about this

Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea (Live on MTV Unplugged): links to this post. it's just so crazy to me. we had five or so years of kurt cobain screeching the most agonized poetry the music industry has ever seen, cutting through the bullshit of shiny happy pop music and voicing the blood and death and sickness of an entire generation, and now they're just remembered as that one old band who did the song you hear people playing at guitar center. i command of you. actually really listen to this band, take the time to go through some deep cuts, listen to the weird little eps and bonus tracks and shit. there's so much to uncover. this song came on shuffle at one point and i just was floored by it all once again, so it's here as representative of the sentiment

Cab Calloway - St. James' Infirmary: i've been obsessed with an old betty boop cartoon that features this song, which i put in the youtube playlist. you might have seen a clip from it making some rounds on tumblr, but the full thing is worth a watch. cab calloway was known for his flamboyant performances, but all that energy takes on kind of a dark, unsettling tone when placed in the context of the moderately-fucked-up cartoon. good stuff

Billy Joel - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song): i've never been much of a billy joel fan but i've felt the need to explore more of his stuff after getting into this one. it came on the radio in the car and i was on an easygoing road so i got the chance to really LISTEN to it, y'know. like i've probably heard it in passing a million times, and my dad and i would always make fun of the "heart atTACK ACK ACK ACK ACK" part, but when i really listened to it... it's a damn good song! got that earnest, heart-aching singer-songwriter realness. who knew!

Skee-Lo - I Wish: TWO new todd videos since the last WILT, so you know that shit is making an appearance. i genuinely really love this song, i think it's so fun and creative with an *amazing* sample, i kinda wish skee-lo had gotten a little better than he did. you should follow my nu metal tournament blog, because i'm gonna put a bunch of other non-nu metal polls up when the bracket's done, and skee-lo is gonna make an appearance. i need more skee-lo warriors, basically. that rabbit in a hat thing is bullshit though

Caravan - The Dog, The Dog, He's At It Again: this is a find from charlotte charlottan's "Intro to Prog" playlist that i immediately fell in love with. it's so floaty and lovely, while managing to both gesture towards a wide variety of themes AND be catchy as all hell. it's good song, basically. i know nothing about caravan so that's basically it, but it's even got dog in the title :V

Parkway Drive - Boneyards (Live): it doesn't technically count as a repeat bc this is the live version!!!! i just love this shit so much. relistening to horizons after having not heard it for so long was such a breath of fresh air (this was like 3 months ago and i'm still talking about it lmao). i love the big stupid breakdown so much, boneyards has nearly permanently entered my rotation of songs to imagine myself performing. i also just love to imagine like. picture going to some punk or metal festival around the time horizons came out, and parkway is there, and your buddy is like yooo come on we GOTTA see these guys they fuckin kill live. and you're maybe not really familiar with them but you figure it's worth checking out. and they play this song and you're like damn yeah this is pretty good. and then the fucking breakdown happens!!!!!! i feel like you'd just be standing there and realize wow. i'm going to die in this pit. and that's really the feeling i'm pining for

Scatman John - Scatman's World: now some of you in the crowd may be familiar with our friend the scatman.... i've personally had my eyes opened to a whole slew of scatman hits that i never even knew about thanks to the enthusiasm of local scatman expert violet gec (hi violet!!!!!) and although this particular track is one i already knew of, i expect a lot of you might not know it. go ahead and take a step into scatman's world, baby! it's a beautiful place! and also the song will get stuck in your head despite your inability to mimic the sounds he makes!

underscores - Count of three (You can eat $#@!): i'm a pretty casual underscores fan, i just know songs here and there, but i do really like what i hear. count of three is SUCH an earworm, and i love a good "fuck you" song when it's done correctly. i also just appreciate the quality of the censoring job in the title. it's not perfect but there's effort... a lot of people just pick four random characters but here, $ obviously looks like S, # is similar to H, and so on. these are the kinds of things i think about

Bring Me The Horizon - AmEN!: continuing to ask the question of "what the hell are these guys doing ever and why does it sound good." first of all, we have to address the lil uzi feature. that makes... two? i think it's just two fuckin international pop stars that bmth have collaborated with. i mean, i know uzi is a rapper but considering rap's dominance in the pop sphere and their sheer popularity, i think i'm justified in calling a pop rapper a pop star. it's been said to death, but it's just crazy that these guys have become one of the biggest rock acts around considering where they started. as for the song itself, it's not like... my favorite? but it's cool, it's catchy. i don't find their lyrics nearly as impactful now as i did when 1. i was younger and 2. they wrote about suicide and nihilism and shit all the time. i guess the themes are still dark but it all just kinda washes over me now. i'm just here for the heavy heavy and the big chorus, and that's what i got. so i'm happy :)

Everclear - I Will Buy You A New LIfe: as you may have seen, i had a big sappy emotional moment for a few days at the end of last month, and that had me returning to my roots. post-grunge. a genre with no shortage of lame pop rock relationship tunes, including this one. i even made a playlist of sappy songs, of which this was one. i just like the idea of pledging all these expensive things to someone you love, but doing it as kind of a joke. like the sentiment is real, but you both know that's never gonna happen, because all you really have to offer is yourself. and hopefully that's enough. it's like if two princes by the spin doctors was less fun. i fuck with it mildly

Third Eye Blind - Jumper: that's right folks. not one, but TWO mellow and corny 90s rock tunes. i have nothing to say about this song other than that it's pretty good and, more importantly, you should watch the most recent trainwreckords video (told you we'd get both todd videos in here). i've even conveniently included that very video in the youtube playlist :) DO IT

Kesha - Eat The Acid: i listened to and enjoyed the new kesha album, but this single was definitely the song that stuck in my mind above all the others. it just made such an impression. even in her current era, i don't think i or anyone else expecting... this. it's very psychedelic, and while it doesn't completely deviate from pop by any means, i think it's a pretty bold step for her and i hope it pays dividends. i would be 100% down for more strange experimental kesha, i wanna see where this goes

Tina Turner - What's Love Got to Do with It: tina turner is featured on two WILTS in a row... if only the circumstances weren't so unfortunate. as i'm sure i said last time, she was a fantastic vocalist, and her biggest hit here gave her the space to really holler. i thought it was fitting as well to put this song right next to eat the acid, as both are the returning singles of women finally casting themselves free (or at least attempting to) of the figures that tied them down and abused them in the music industry. What's Love might reek of the 80s, but it's the good 80s. and for the record, i went back and listened to the full album and found a lot to like about it. RIP to a legend, for real

Roxy Radclyffe - YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME: another song whose presence is moreso indicative of a broader listening trend. i've been really interested in this artist's work recently, although i haven't had the opportunity to really dive headfirst in yet. i discovered her through a rym/bandcamp rabbit hole and was fascinated by the quanitity of projects she has running. i would recommend checking out her neocities and poking around, i've found some interesting stuff so far. definitely the kind of thing i think my crowd of oddballs on tumblr dot com could enjoy

[vexture]

Let's go 3, 7, 15, 20, 27 for ask game!

3. What ideas come from when you were little

If I'm taking the question correctly, that would be my affinity for drawing beings that look like a bunch of stuff piled together. I don't remember much of my childhood drawings, but my mama keeps most of them in her filing cabinet. From what I've seen, I've always liked shit like that. I had an oc named Broomy, he was a dog like creature who had a pumpkin for a head, the body of a broom, paws (same color as the broom) and the straw end for the tail, and candle pupils. I loved that guy with my whole heart man, I need to find a picture of him or something to redraw. Other than that, gore. Don't subject your children/siblings to horror movies and adult swim shows guys, seriously

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

Physical/digital stim boards. I don't understand the digital appeal, but that might be because I've never had one that was like "oh damn that looks great" but I have touched a physical stim board, I hated every second because it had sequins on it (I Cannot Touch Those) but the enthusiastic explanation I got made me like it, even if I couldn't touch it. Digital ones look really cool too, I'm just very specific on what I like looking at, but I imagine that it takes forever to find the proper gifs that aren't too fucked up and do all the arrangements and border work, I would love to try one, but I'm genuinely at a loss on what to do ^^;; Tumblr stim girlies (gender neutral) I love y'all to bits

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

I draw largely at home, having chronic pain can extremely limit what I can do during a day. I love taking my traditional shit out to draw at the park, but I don't get ideas too often for it to be worth the bag space I could use for something else. Speaking as someone who has literal drawers full of art supplies, I wish I could go out with it all and be unbothered by The General Public, because I like drawing people out and about, but the distain overwhelms me and so does the arthritis

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

Almost every time an artist friend comes to me while I work, it's "wow you're really good at eyes, that's the least favorite part for me" and I can see why. I learned how to do realism from Vogue and People magazines, the shots were clear, it had closeups of hands/eyes/clothes, and eyes were the first thing I learned how to draw properly, I love them sm, they are always in the margins of papers I'm stuck with, or color practice, or whatever I need the eye to be for. Very reliable part of the body artistically for me :>

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

See number 15 for a short answer.

Long answer: I have a very small window to get a drawing done, if I can't get it within the day, or even 2 hours, I have a very hard time picking it up again due to depression, the chronic pain, and sometimes my headmates don't actually know how to use the computer to draw. I consider the amount of drawing I do something to be proud of most days, between the brain fog/deperson/derealization and aching joints, the amount of work I do can be great all things counted. Sure, others can get out more things with worse than me, or what have you, but my style is detail heavy with the line work and colors, and composition is hard for me.

Tangent here:

I would like to say that even if you get out only one drawing every once in a while due to shit getting in the way, at least it's something and you should be proud of yourself for being able to accomplish that within the parameters you have. The algorithm sucks, on every platform, even here on Tumblr with their abysmal search bar, so there's sometimes a pressure to put out a bunch to get a little recognition, but quality over quantity, y'know? No matter what, try not to stare down the cliff of having a shit ton of numbers attached to your hard work.

The incentives are great, and I completely understand that, but once you look at it as a chore, you'll never do shit for you again like you used to without giving up on the algorithm anyway. I avoid going down any tags unless I absolutely have to, because I get discouraged by the numbers, so I end up just looking at my art, and friend's art only. It's okay to stare at your own shit, I've never seen anyone say that anywhere as of recent, so for those who need it, it's okay to be in love and enamored by your own work enough to stare at it even days after posting it, I highly encourage looking at your own art like you do others, because that's a good source of encouragement, or at least for me, love what you do, give yourself a break from not being at the top of every tag/platform, because that's a double edged sword, and no one likes getting blood on their suits

[catsnuggler]

It's strange how I'm strong in some ways, but weak in others.

I generally avoid substances, and those I take, I take in controlled doses. I'm not an alcoholic, I have drinks on occasion - maybe 3 in a single night, at the very most, but usually only 1 or 2 drinks a night when I have drinks, which is maybe a few days out of an entire month. And these are light drinks, usually, like beer, or hard lemonade. I usually have food beforehand, too.

I used to be on Adderall. The highest dose, actually, eventually. I took it as prescribed, and no more. I decided to stop, partially because production was getting fucked, anyway, but also because it was keeping me up at night by raising my body temperature absurdly, making me sweat; yet I couldn't sleep if I didn't have a blanket, still can't, because my body wants some kind of comfort around it, something soft to make me feel "safe" enough to sleep. Adderall, as y'all might know, is chemically very similar to methamphetamine. In fact, anyone who's ever had meth can't take Adderall, because it drives them right back to addiction. So, the fact I just walked away from Adderall, no intervention, just out of my own free will, says I'm pretty resistant to substance abuse. Not totally, of course - there's surely something out there that would hook me if I took it, which is why I don't go out looking for anything to do - but I'm generally pretty resistant.

Despite what pot users say about it being non-addictive, it sometimes is. It's far from the worst drug - it's often pretty great - and it's certainly one of the least addictive. But it can be. No hate, just saying is all. I've had it less than 10 times in my life. Wouldn't mind using it occasionally, if I had or was getting into a job that wouldn't disqualify me if I had the occasional pot, but since so many do, I figure it's a risk I'd rather not take.

I've smoked before. Once. The only reason was that I was out drinking with someone close to me, and she had gotten plastered, and some guy started putting the moves on her. I asked if I could go out with them to smoke, even though I wasn't and am not a smoker, only because I wanted to keep my eyes on those two, and make sure she wasn't going to get swindled or anything by the guy. So, the cigarette was passed around, I took a puff, I passed it on, but after that night (where she wasn't messed with, but gosh was she sick from drinking too much), I never smoked a cigarette again. I didn't smoke even a single full cigarette that night, and I haven't put one in my lips since.

So. Substance-wise, I'm resilient. I say no, or I partake of a select few occasionally, and carefully.

That said, I often succumb to hopelessness, to anxiety, and to feeling like my very existence is "in the way" of others. I often get in my father's physical way in his house. Given he's fat (not hating, just stating), that isn't hard. He has a lot of struggles with his own body, and I feel for him, I really do - but when I happen to get in his way, he gets so fucking mad, you wouldn't even believe. He'll sometimes tell me I'm useless, ask what I'm good for - fuck, it's awful. I also feel I'm in the way on a societal level. I'm not rich, but I'm a white guy. I haven't had very much luck getting jobs, honestly, but I was afraid years ago, when I first started looking in 2018, that I might get a job because I'm a white guy, that I didn't immediately need, while some mother of color might need the income a lot more. I felt guilty when I briefly had a job in 2018, which stacked on top of my other job anxieties and frustrations. I still, even as I live with an unemployed father who depends on his inheritance, even as we would be homeless without that inheritance, even as we both need to get jobs ASAP so we won't be fucked when his inheritance runs out - I still fear that I might get a job that someone more disadvantaged than me needs more. That, even as a poor person who needs to secure some kind of income to maintain my existence, I would be maintaining injustice, by prioritizing the life of a white, able-bodied colonizer man (myself) over someone else. Sure, it's the colonial capitalists that are running things, I don't have power over the system as an individual, but... I dunno, I just feel like my very existence is in the way of others.

I also fear that I'll let my partner down. Their biological father, that scum of a human being, is a blue-eyed white with light brown hair. I'm a blue-eyed white man with light brown hair. Their maternal line has a long history of tragedy regarding how the men treated the women, as well as a history of being colonized - though by the Mexican government, incidentally, not the American government.

After every breakup, there's been some point, after being totally rejected, told we won't talk ever again, where I've hyperventilated to the point I nearly lost consciousness. That's also happened to me on at least one occasion when my father was saying something to me, I forget what it was, but it was something incredibly emotionally distressing to me, I think it was something alone the lines of him completely and utterly rejecting some group of people I care about, going on some tirade about them. Or maybe he was going directly after me and who I am. I don't know, I don't remember, I only remember that hewas only infuriated when I begged him to let me lay on the ground and stop yelling at me until I caught my breath, because I really was becoming lightheaded, starting to lose consciousness, yet he refused me, thought I was putting on an act, which was why he was so enraged by how lightheaded I was acting...because I was genuinely lightheaded.

There are so many things I don't know what to do anything about. At least I'm resistant to substance abuse, I guess.

[starlightkun]

lmao i saw this on my dash and was wondering if you felt this way

https://www.tumblr.com/16woodsequ/727490027584667648?source=share

cause you rarely write drabbles, everything you write is like full fic length and takes longer and i see you posting little progress updates and little notes about each fic without spoiling. as someone who likes to talk (may or may not be the adhd idk) i cant imagine being in your position like WEREWOLF SUNGCHAN! EXISTS! IN MY MIND! AND ON THIS DOCUMENT THAT YOU CANT SEE! BUT HE'S REAL!! HE'S REAL TO ME!! like how do you do it? having no one to scream to about your fics when you're writing? and having to wait until its completed and uploaded to have people to talk about it with? like especially with all the crack fics you're writing atm, i would be BURNING with the need to show people how funny your writing is

p.s. medication update: im going to switch from methylphenidate to dexamphetamine tmr because apparently im intolerant to ritalin and i think you're on dexamphetamine rn? im hoping that i see some benefits from it. btw your success is keeping some of my spirit and motivation up despite how abysmal ritalin was for me so thank you for posting about how Adderall was for you i really appreciate having someone experiencing meds alongside me 🫶🏻

-✨anon

link

LMAO sometimes that's me and sometimes i'm writing and i'm like "im never letting another living human see this abomination im writing rn this is the worst thing i've ever written and the only penance for what i've done is to throw myself off a cliffside" like there is no in between im either SO EXCITED FOR IT AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT AND AM SO AKSEGKJHKJGKTR or i think it's awful and consider deleting it almost immediately after like this scene for changer2 im writing rn like literally as i got this ask (im not gonna delete it but she is gonna b HEAVILY EDITED)

it's fr so hard having werewolf sungchan AND hockey player sungchan BOTH IN MY MIND RN LIKE 🤪 screams everyday i put on my uniform to go fight in the idgaf war on the side of gaf 🫡🫡🤪🤪🫡🤪🫡🤪🤪🤣🤣🫡🤪🤪🫡 lest we also not forget that single dad kun is in here too and some other fellas that yall dont know abt like its soooooo bad in here for me

sometimes i contemplate posting random one-liners or snippets when i write things that make me teehee extra hard or r like rlly 🔥🔥🚨🚨🚨 but i always get worried about spoilers versus teasers soooo i keep it locked away all to myself and maybe go a lil crazy idk who's to say so i do more vague type stuff like talking about how there's a 2.6k makeout scene without posting any actual lines from it, or saying that one of my favorite character bits that i think is genuinely super funny is in dr. magic but not saying what it is, etc., etc., OR also doing ask games like word in a wip where y'all can try to get some lil snippets from me (which i feel i am always very generous with lol)

p.s. to ur p.s.: very happy to hear that you're getting switched off the meds that weren't working for you! i'm on "amphetamine salts" (generic adderall) which is a combo of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine, but pretty much yeah it's the big one in the amphetamine class of adhd meds. it has a sightly different effect than dextroamphetamine alone since it has levoamphetamine as well, which lasts longer and can produce better results in some people (pls go w ur dr on this im not giving medical advice omg just what i learned in my psych classes and the information i've been given). i actually just saw my dr today to check in on how i was doing on the adderall (reg check-up appt). i was rlly worried bc the initial good results i saw in the first days were practically gone after like the first week and i was practically back to normal (i.e., bad. my kitchen is a fucking mess again) and when i told him that he was like "lol that's fine! that was just the trial dose! so we can up you to a normal dose now since you saw good results at first" so hopefully i'll be functioning again 👍 so i love this for us 🫶 rooting for us 🫶🫶