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imabillyami · 6 months

Note

Hii I I'm back 😂

Okay so I would not have guessed English was not your first language 👀😳 you are doing amazingly well!

21 parts!! *fainting* I'm sooo happy to hear that haha Please please in your words - get over yourself and post that stupid (not stupid) chapter 4 😂 - I say this in the most loving and polite way possible 😁🥰 butttt obviously what I really mean is don't stress about it too much and post only when you're happy and comfortable with it (we'll be patiently waiting 😊). I'm glad to hear you're excited for the rest of it though!! 😁

On another note... My curiosity got the better of me 😆 Gentle Cottagecore Emoji Asks 🌱🥛🍯🐄🌳🐓🐇🌲🥞⛰️ answer as many as you like

(as always no pressure to respond) 😊

🐨

Hi Aussie anon friend 🥰

Took me a while to get to your message (April is this crazy busy month for me every single year, but in a mostly positive way), but here we are.

Yeah, the writing thing is delicate and very fickle. But I've been writing for 15+ years at this point and it rarely stresses me out anymore. I just gotta do things in my own time and remind myself from time to time to trust the process. We'll get there, always do in the end. Patience is key.

Thanks for sending those emoji asks, I'll be answering them under the cut 💕

Hugs to you 💜🌻

🌱 Seedling: What is a scent you find relaxing?

Sandalwood & the scent of the air when you walk through the woods after heavy rain

🥛 Milk: What is a food you find comforting when you are sad?

I dealt with some stuff in the past, so I’m not an "eat my feelings away" person anymore these days, and I’m really trying to prevent finding comfort in food or spending money when I feel sad, so I don’t have a specific food. In fact, I really struggle with eating when I’m sad these days, a complete 180 from when I was younger.

🍯 Honey: What is one thing you like about yourself?

Personality wise - my kindness. A lot of people think I’m faking that or playing it up, but I’m genuinely not. I just don’t see the point in making anyone’s life harder or miserable when I can spend my time putting smiles on people’s faces and leave them with good memories instead. Physically - probably my eyes. I like the dark color of them and the way people tell me I have kind eyes. So that.

🐄 Cow: What is one other tumblr blog you really appreciate?

Picking one is impossible, really, cause we’re all here for different reasons and good at different thing and I’m just glad we get to share this space together and love the thing we love.

I’d like to shout out some of my dear friends though. Tay @taydaq for her incredible art and being an all around lovely person who’s always there for others.

Mahi @mahi-wayy / @bangazaii for being a complete sweetheart and our lovely fic writing sessions and idea spitballing sessions / rarepair shenanigans in our dms.

Shanie @shanie-the-komania-toyaddict for always being there when shit gets rough and calling me out on my bullshit, but never judging (& also writing the most beautiful kayfabe compliant steenerico fic + side stories).

Carla @samijey for providing me/us with the most beautiful gifs and the most gorgeous writing (and giving me a chance when it was easier not to).

And last but not least my dear friend E. @bremmommye who’s been my friend and comfort person in & out of the internet for many years by now and who I miss dearly cause we rarely ever get to see each other in "real life" (that's what living on opposite ends of the same country and being busy does).

I love all my moots and my followers and all the people I follow who don’t follow me back, but these people are the ones that have carved out that extra bit of space in my heart for themselves and made themselves a forever home in some shape or form. Sorry, didn’t mean to get that mushy, but I really love talking about my friends.

🌳 Tree: What is one thing in your future you are looking forward towards?

Honestly, it goes hand in hand with the answer above, I think. Being able to watch the people I adore, family, friends, acquaintances, strangers I have yet to meet, grow and evolve and live authentic lives that they’re feeling happy and fulfilled with. That’s what makes me happy - seeing the people around me happy.

🐓 Chicken: What is a comfort movie/show for you?

Sooo many. But one constant is The Princess Bride. Another one is The Breakfast Club. Grey’s Anatomy (very early seasons), Skam, Legally Blonde and more recently Heartstopper. I could go on and on, there’s a whole lot of them.

🐇 Bunny: What’s a song that you really like?

If you could see my music library - it’s WILD. And I love every single song. I listen to music basically every single minute I’m awake and able to. So picking one song - good god. I’ll give you my 5 most recent played ones.

Thoughts of a child - The Lathums

Dublin in Ecstasy - Inhaler

Dreams - The Snuts

I bet you look good on the Dancefloor - Arctic Monkey

Poundshop Kardashians - Sam Fender

🌲 Pine: Do you prefer the cold, or the heat?

The heat. Don’t love the heat, but I can stand it a lot better than being cold.

🥞 Pancake: What is your favorite breakfast food?

Not a big breakfast person, don’t have a sweet tooth either (not anymore I should say), so probably something savory. I had this yummy grilled veggie & hummus on rye bread breakfast sandwich when I was traveling the other day, that one came to mind. On a normal day, I’ll just have a cup of tea (no sugar, no milk alternative), a handful of almonds, and a banana or an apple to hold me over till lunch. But yeah, if I’m going for actual breakfast, I prefer savory over sweet.

⛰️ Mountains: Would you rather live in the mountains, city, beach, or the forest?

Grew up living near the forest and spending a lot of time playing in the woods as a kid, lived in a couple a large cities over the years, now living close to the mountains, but still in general vicinity of the city (albeit a smaller one), I’m really enjoying being able to go for a hike in the mountains if I need to catch a break. Reconnecting with nature and the quiet from time to time is real nice.

#lovely anon #anon #asks #m answers #replies #ask game #ask games #tw ed #🐨

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anotherhumaninthisworld · 1 year

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Hello!

I am a newbie to the FRev so I'd like to thank you for having the most amazingly detailed posts here that are, most importantly, as accurate as possible. Your blog is awesome!

Now to my questions: I read your answer to an ask about Camille and Annette's relationship and was left wondering, why did the family become so hostile towards him to the point of refusing him entry into their home?

Why did Lucille's father not want them to get married? Was it just about Camille's financial success? I saw a link to a letter in the post but my French is horrible so I have no idea what was written.

And, I'm not sure how this was seen at the time, of course times were different, but the way he talks about Annette though he claimed to be platonic, it seems that he found her attractive?? Or maybe he was "buttering" her up (he seemed to be a bit of a womanizer though maybe most men were like that at that time and frequently complimented many women at once)? When he met Lucille she was still quite young (especially compared to his age), so I got the impression (just an impression) that he liked the mother, but she was already taken so he went for the daughter instead? Though this couldve been normal at the time.

That post gave me a whole different perspective on Desmoulins and his love story, thank you so much and I apologise for the lenghty ask and if my questions sound ignorant.

Thank you so much for your compliments. So happy I can be of use to people who are new to this mess. 😊

I agree, the idea that Camille was really in love with Annette and just had to go for the second best is one that is really easy to make when reading his letters and poems to her. I don’t really have anything that goes against it being true other than the fact that Camille, as stated, once refers to his and Annette’s relationship as being just platonic (and how much truth there actually was to that I will leave unsaid…). It doesn’t particulary help that most 18th century people writing letters by today’s standards sound like they want to jump into bed with the receiver, no matter who that person might be… I don’t know if there’s anything in particular (besides words like ”my beloved”) you should look at to help determine if two people are/want to be more than just friends.

As for why Lucile’s parents didn’t want to let Camille have her in 1787, that is actually quite easy to discover through the letter Camille wrote to the father in March the following year, published by Jules Claretie on April 26 1879 within the paper Journal officiel de la République française. The letter Camille’s responding to here has unfortunately gone missing, but as can be seen, Camille still lays out and combats its arguments in a very clear way (apologies if there’s any translation errors in here):

Monsieur, I am not mistaken and I am forced to agree that your letter is worthy of a father and full of wisdom. The first moments of pain that I experienced were followed by the calm of reason, and I take advantage of this calm to allow myself a few observations regarding your letter and putting them before your eyes.

Don't let my probity scare you. The reflections that M. Duplessis made me make on your [sic] uncertain state. My uncertain state is not uncertain. I am a lawyer in the parliament of Paris and what makes your state certain in this profession is not to be on the board, but talent and work. I am certain morally of being in charge of all the appeals of the sentences of Guise, which alone will compose for me an honest cabinet and an income of 7 or 8,000 livres at least; I cannot believe that there exists anyone who, after having read the memoir that is printed about me at this moment, tells you that my condition is uncertain. The letters I have from MM. Lorget and Linguet would prove to you, if you read them, that my condition is not uncertain. Already I have a flow of business which can only grow and I will have won a hundred louis this year, supposing that I lose the lawsuit which is about to be judged and whose gain would be worth more than two thousand écus to me.

On future events which may call me back to the provinces. I took a vow to stability in the bar of the capital, this vow is expressed clearly in the epistle and the printed memorandum which I gave to you. There exists only one thing that could make me detach from Paris and make a stay in the provinces bearable, it would be if I met Mlle Duplessis there, to what oaths must I bind myself in order to take away this fear that I will leave Paris? I see very well that you do not know how much I love your daughter, since you suppose that I would be able to sadden her by taking her away from a father to whom she is so tenderly dear.

On the impossibility for me to have a house where your daughter, like at your place, could find the softnesses and charms of life. There is something touching about this paternal fear that would have made me reproach myself for my premature research. But did you believe that Mlle Duplessis is less dear to me than to you and that I wanted a happiness that would have cost her the sacrifice of the comforts of life? As for me, the sweetness and pleasures of life would have been to live with her and with you, and these pleasures would have made all the others insipid to me. There are two things here that I cannot believe, first off the fact that this fear so natural to a father that his daughter would be less happy did not alarm you from the first moment you found out about my goal; second off, that your answer here would have been the one I had the pleasure of seeing. If you had thought that Mademoiselle Duplessis' change of lodging would deprive her of the pleasures of life, it would not have been with me that she could find those pleasures. I had not concealed my lack of fortune, nor sought to surprise your avowal by magnifying my hopes, in order to have the satisfaction of showing you that I had brought into this affair all the frankness and delicacy which befits my profession; I almost decried my father's fortune and succeeded so well that you then said to me: ”With the help of your fortune, I could wait until some brilliant affair had rescued me from obscurity.” You said this to me in much stronger terms, for your expressions were that, no longer being forced to run after an écu, I could devote myself without distraction to studies which would later make me known later as a jurisconsult, if the embarrassment of my stammer was an insurmountable obstacle which prevented me from succeeding in my pleading. It is clear that you did not flatter yourself then that I could put together a home for Mlle Duplessis. However, this beloved child was still not less dear to you at the moment and you surely didn’t think that she would lose the comforts of life, but you understood that there was a way to arrange it so that she would not have to make any sacrifice until the time which is not far off, when my condition would bring me 10 to 12 thousand livres. Did Mlle. Duplessis need a house other than yours for a few years? I would even have liked her to continue to live together with you, and for the change in her adress, while at the same time making me the happiest of all men, only to have added to the sweetnesses of life without it costing her any deprivation. Although the dowry I propose to give her is of a certain consistency, you may remember that when you mentioned this section, I kept silent. Surely, to wait until my estate was enough I did not need to find a dowry. At the present moment, I am able to count only on 3 or 4 thousand livres that I would get this year from my work or from my father. But wouldn’t these 4 thousand livres, joined to the 3 or 4 that you would give to mademoiselle your daughter, be enough for a house worthy of her? Of you I wouldn’t ask for anything more. She would have brought a thousand amiable qualities into the household; as for me, I would have put my estate there and I dare say some talents. It would have been a marriage without a dowry like that of the laborers, but those of that time are well worth those of ours. I never made mine a business, the only dowry I would have asked for was that one loves me, not as much as I do (in return), that is impossible, but I am sure that mademoiselle your daughter would have been touched to see me solely occupied with the care of paying her the debt of happiness that I would have contracted.

You urged me to overcome my affection. If it were only an affection, it could be overcome, but the wound is deeper. Remember, monsieur, in what dejection I appeared before you, my state had become so violent that whatever you might have said to me, it was impossible for my pain to wring my heart more on leaving your house compared to what fear had caused it upon entering. That is why, even though it cost me, I begged you to tear off the blindfold and uproot my hope. But how much you have decreased it instead. I only asked for a distant hope and you gave me a near hope. Fortune, you told me, would not determine your choice and you did not make happiness consist of fortune. I exercised an honorable profession that it was not even necessary to fulfill with a certain brilliance in order to appear to you worthy of belonging to you; it was enough for you that your daughter was loved tenderly and constantly and that second to her your son-in-law loved only work. Who would have believed in my place that this son-in-law was really me. You did more: you invited me to spend holidays and Sundays at your countryhouse and you allowed me, you even warned me to let my father know about this interview. At this moment my father has probably written to you and part of my joy was to think about he who does not care about the dowry (that of my mother, who is still whole despite our misfortunes because it has always been sacred in his eyes, was more important) but who loves me with tenderness and is no doubt delighted that I have finally obtained this demoiselle Duplessis of whom I have been speaking to him incessantly for five years and whom he wanted me to show him when he spent a few days in Paris two years ago. In my letter from March 22, it was no longer vain conjectures and equivocal walks in the Luxembourg that I entertained, it was speeches that a father of a family had given me, hadn't I had to base myself entirely on his answer?

It would be deceiving my honesty to make any promises to me at this time, considering the young age of your daughter. If you only wish to postpone the term of my happiness, I have already waited five years, and I can still wait another two and even more, but since I above all make happiness consist in this thought that we love each other for life, I only beg you to tell me if after two years and when my heart has perhaps been consumed by these attachments, I will not have to renounce the sweet habit of loving her. My age was no more advanced four days ago when you gave me such imminent hopes. Also this reason that you bring is not the real one and you yourself do not disguise it from me. An even more essential point to observe to you, is that it for me would be putting up a barrier against the parties which within two years could present themselves and to make you give yourself up to opportunities which fulfill your views. As for what concerns me in this article, what occasion, what views can you tell me about? What purpose can I have but to be happy, and I can only be so, monsieur, with you. Where can I find another family that I love so much? I have gone too far with mademoiselle Duplessis to ever retrace my steps, and if you come to take away from me the hope that you have made me conceive, you will have unwittingly caused the misfortune of my life. I come to the great reason, that it would be to put up a barrier against the parties which could present themselves within two years. If, when you did me the honor of granting me an interview, you had said that to me, everything would have been very clear and I would have had nothing to respond to. But, since then, you declared to me that fortune would not decide your choice for mademoiselle your daughter, and that you would seek for her only a husband who would love her with tenderness; so you mean that in two years from now there may come people who like her better than me. If so, let it be. All of them will undoubtedly love her positively, but to love her more desperately than me will be difficult. And I will always have been five years ahead.

You told me enough that you had not changed your mind in regards to me, and that, if I succeeded in destroying the motives that you were good enough to explain to me in detail, you would return to your first feelings. It seems to me that I have replied in a satisfactory manner to the objections of M. Duplessis; I therefore conjure you to come back to your first favorable dispositions and return for me the heart of a father. I would very much like you and Madame Duplessis to grant me an interview. I would remove all of your doubts, and I would come down to details that cannot enter into a letter: do not push me away from your bosom but allow me to give you both names to which my heart would refuse if I had to give them to others. It is with these feelings that I have the honor to be, monsieur, your very humble and very obedient servant. DESMOULINS Lawyer in parliament.

According to Hervé Leuwers’ Desmoulins biography, Claretie did for some reason leave out the following part when transcribing the letter: ”D’allieurs, ai-je donc demandé Mlle Duplessis pour le moment? J’ai demandé seulement si je pourrais obtenir un jour sa main, quand mon état serait pleinement fait.” which suggests Camille wasn’t actually asking if he could marry Lucile right away, just if he could call dibs on her for the future.

As for why the family fell out with Camille a year after the letter was penned down, to the extent that they asked him to stop visiting them, that is hard to know for sure considering we don’t have their letters on their issue (and those of Camille are both vague and bias in his favor). My best guess is that he simply wouldn’t shut up about the engagement and they kicked him out for that reason.

#desmoulins #camille desmoulins #lucile desmoulins #a bigger question for me is what exactly made the family change their mind about camille?#a broke lawyer is a no go zone but a broke journalist who many people want dead isn’t?#but camille literally goes from ”everyone in this family is so hard on me”#to ”lucile and her mother were both crying of joy when i finally got permission to marry her” within half a year #wonder what happened in between that we Will never know about…#annette duplessis #ask

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soaringwide · 6 months

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Hello, how are u? Can I join the new ask game?

I want to know what my April will be like (what will happen in this month). I'm NM, 21 years old

Thanks in advance 😊

Hello @wtfiamdoing! Thank you for reaching out :)

Here is your month ahead reading for April 2024. I did a 9 cards spread that mixes prediction and advice so that you can get some real support from it.

Side note for anyone else reading this: free readings are currently closed so that I can go through the asks I received so far. I will go through them in the next 4 days since I'll be off from work and have more time.

April 2024 Month Ahead tarot reading

You're coming into this month with a renewed energy and desire to take new actions and make changes in your life. I'm definitely getting spring vibes with the rise of energy after a long winter where you had to leave some things behind. Not sure if you live in the Northern hemisphere or not but it can be applicable regardless. Now is finally the time to blossom, and you're feeling motivated to take the steps to better your life.

Your theme of the month is to embrace your own abundance. The steps and progress you're going to make are going to help you take care of yourself better and nurture your prosperity for the months to come. You will learn to feel fulfilled with what you have as an anchor point, a place of safety within yourself, but to thrive for more. You will learn to stand as a strong and independent person who takes responsibility for their own happiness.

Your goal to pursue this month is to clear out the confusion and lack of clarity that you still have. Don't let yourself go to the temptation of feeling powerless due to the obstacles you will face because you have very supportive energies and those obstacles are only here to shape your will and strength. Be careful about overthinking and going in circles in your head and try to recognize when you're doing that.

The main obstacle is your tendency to remain a bit lost in your head and passive in your stance toward things. So don't hesitate to make the changes you need to do and try not to daydream too much instead of doing what you need to. Taking practical steps towards your goal by breaking them down into achievable tasks can be of great help. The idea is to keep moving a little everyday even if it feels small.

A major accomplishment this month is you finally being able to let go of emotional and mental pain. I see you finally moving on toward better things, and being able to do a massive release of something that weighted you down heavily. Perhaps you experienced a loss or severe disappointment in the past few weeks or months, and throughout the month the pain will ease until you are free from it.

However, you need to avoid being impatient. Things will grow and shift in due time so best being gentle with yourself while the process unfolds. Again there is this idea of gradual work put into something that will bear fruits later on.

What you need to embrace is a nurturing and supporting stance toward yourself. The transition between winter of spring is full of hope and energy, but it can also be rough at times since winter might come back for a few days with a vengeance that makes you think it's never going to go away. But it's not true and this beautiful card is here to remind you that you have all the resources you need around you to blossom. Ground yourself in reality, and take care of yourself. It seems to be putting a focus on your physical health and perhaps home situation. So if you feel so inclined, you can improve the way you eat, take care of your body, or do a spring cleanup of your home, now would be a perfect time to do it.

As for the support available to you, you might feel left out and alienated, which might make you want to isolate yourself. I think it's an encouragement to find support around even when you feel like there is none. Yes you are strong enough to stand on your own and find strength from within, and independence is a big theme for you this month, but you don't live in a bubble and there are people around you who genuinely want to help and support you through the hard parts. So perhaps this is an invitation to think about who this is and open yourself to them and perhaps do another clean up of the relationships around you to weed out who is not supportive of your growth.

The advice you have is to be grateful of all the beautiful things happening around you without dwelling too much on what's going wrong. This month will be a time of enjoyment for yourself so savor life, stop to smell the flowers blooming, enjoy the warmth of the sun, listen to the birds singing. Really, focus on the simple joys of life it will give you a lot of strength. Embrace your independence and your newfound strength. It is a time to celebrate that you are finally free from the pains of winter and to welcome the beautiful months ahead of you. You have the power to make your life bloom like a sublime and fragrant garden, and that start with nurturing your own self.

That's it for this reading! I hope this was useful and I'll be really happy to hear your feedback if you want to share something even in private :)

#tarot reading #tarot #soaringwide tarot reading #free tarot reading #soaringwide #divination #tarot cards #tarotblr #tarot community

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artists-wonder-emporium · 7 months

Text

York con~

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who came and said hi yesterday! Some of you even remembered me from my previous cons which was so sweet and so nice to see you again! 🌟🥹🌟

I got a few questions and I'll answer them here!

Am I doing any more cons this year?

Yes! I'm doing the hull con 28th of April and the York on the 1st of September~

Do I sell online?

Yes! I have a KoFi shop which admittedly isn't as updated as I would like but link is in my bio. All of my artworks are available as prints and if there is something you would like which isn't yet on my KoFi please just private message me here on Tumblr or on my Instagram under the same username artists_wonder_emporium and I can take a order that way and payment via PayPal 😊

Do I have any other social media's?

I do! I have Instagram and X/Twitter under the same username and profile picture so you can find me easily 😊 Tumblr I post art and photos of my prints, charms, stickers etc. Instagram I post my art and do stories of wips, upcoming merch sneak peaks etc. X/Twitter is just art at the moment, I dont use it too much, just another platform to share my art and for people to contact me on 😂 Also, no, I don't have a tiktok due to video making being far too time consuming 😅

Do I take commissions?

At the moment not officially but I am working on a pricing sheet and hope to open them some point this year! If you are interested just give me a little private message on here or Instagram and I can give you an idea of prices and what I can do~

Do I make my own things?

Some of them! All my art prints and my stickers based on my art prints are made by me 😊 my keyrings, pins and die cut stickers I use a manufacturer for~

How do I make my art?

I've actually got a ask about this so I'll answer this more in depth there but short answer is I use my phone, a free art app called Ibispaintx and (some of you was super surprised to learn this yesterday) no fancy stylus or anything, I just use my fingers to draw 😅

Can I take a photo of you or your stall?

Please do not take photos of me or my stall without permission. I feel really happy you like my art and stall so much to take a photo of it but I would really prefer people ask first. I saw a few people take photos without asking and I know it wasn't your intention at all but it made me very uncomfortable and I know a few other vendors who feel the same way as well. If in doubt, please just ask first before you take a photo of anything at a con! Generally if people ask me first and let me move out of the way I'm happy for people to take photos 😊

Who is the other person on my stall with me?

She is my girlfriend and she always helps me with con prep, she's our driver to any of our cons and helps me a lot with the stall and I couldn't do it without her! She really loves coming to cons with me too and seeing everyone in costume/cosplay and she tends to try and dess up as well for fun! (Side note from her: she was so excited to see Helluva Boss and Hazbin cosplays and Lucifer is her favourite so to that one Lucifer cosplay you made her day!)

I believe they were the main questions from yesterday, if you would like to know more feel free to ask! Thank you so much again for everyone who came to buy, ask questions and chat and just to say hi! I had an absolute pleasure talking to you all! 🌟😊🌟

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xyelissax · 10 months

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Hi Anika 🤗, where I am from we have this tradition of putting our shoes out on the evening of the 5th of december, and in the morning of the 6th of december they are filled with little presents by the Nikolaus (like candy and stuff). I wanted to bring this tradition to my tumblr friends 🖤 and so I come to your ask box bringing a 🥾. In there are 4 little presents for you...

1) a pair of cozy socks 🧦

2) your favorite candy 🍪 🍫 🍬 🍭

3) your favorite hot drink ☕️

4) all the love I can fit in a 🥾! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🩶🩷

And there is also a note with a question: If you want to, please share a happy memory you have of 2023?

I hope wherever you celebrate anything this month or not, you have a wonderful last month of the year! 🖤

- 🦋 wearing a santa hat

Awwww...🦋-Anon, that´s so cute 🥰🖤💖

I might have an idea where you're from😄Thank you so much for the Nikolaus surprise, I'll leave you some home-baked cookies and a hot chocolate in return🍪☕️

As for the best thing of the year, I really had to think about it. Maybe it was the BC concert in April (unfortunately the only concert I went to this year), or the very few warm summer days that I spent swimming in the sea and later watching the sunset at the beach with a glass of wine. One evening there was a thunderstorm in the distance over the sea and it was so beautiful and fascinating to watch. These are little moments that make me happy💗

I hope you have a wonderful and nice December❄️☃️ For me it's the best winter month because of all the delicious food and the days off😊. And there's not much stressful stuff going on at work either.

#ask

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purlturtle · 2 years

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4, 7, 10 for the fic ask? :)

Thanks for the ask! Let's do this!

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

Quite a lot of them, actually! Sometimes a person commenting on one will make me go back to read, or sometimes I'll just... go and read 😅 If I had to point at any one of them, I'd go with Flying, I think.

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Okay, so first of all I gotta say that I don't post a fic until it's finished. Even And Now You, that novel-length enormity. I did that once (with the Halloween fi, started posting when the ending wasn't fully finished, and it stressed me out so much that I'll never do that again. 😅 So, feedback, comments and all that don't have impact on if I finish the story or not. Even with one-shots I usually say in the author's note if I have any intent to pursue the idea or not, so not much impact there too.

However!

Continuing the story isn't the only impact, right? I do love receiving comments and other kinds of feedback, here and on AO3. My favorite is when people say my fic was comfort for them, or made them feel happy. That is something that I often seek out when I read (and write!, see next question), and so hearing that my stories are that to other people is lovely, lovely, lovely. So please, dear reader, (continue to) leave your comments; they make me very happy.

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

I gotta come back to And Now You for this one; I started writing it early into the pandemic (it was inspired by The Half of It, which came out in April 2020), and it truly helped me cope to throw myself into the story of high school age Helena and Myka, and ignore the chaos that the world descended into. Writing (even now, and regardless of the story) is absolutely escapism for me, into a world that makes sense, that I rule over, that is filled with love and understanding and people being kind to each other. I like it there 😊 Also, when a sentence or paragraph or idea turns out just so good? Lovely boost to my self-esteem!

Thanks for asking! That was fun!

If anyone else wants a go, here's the link to the asks!

#ask meme #ask me #get to know your author

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minniesmelody · 2 years

Note

I saw that your requests were open and I was wondering if they still were because I have an idea for Eddie. So reader and eddie have been friends for a couple months since reader moved to Hawkins in the winter. so obviously wearing lots of layers and stuff. But come late spring/early summer it's shorts and tank top season. This leads Eddie to seeing all their tattoos and being super awestruck and just a little jealous. I think it would be kinda cute. Like two full sleeves, one whole leg, one massive rib piece, and working on a back piece. Kinda like what I got going 😊

April weather

Pairing: Eddie Munson x GN! Reader

Summary: The winters are cold in Hawkins, meaning lots of sweaters, hoodies, and sweat pants will be worn. But that also means lots of skin will not be shown, also meaning you're newly best friend has zero idea of what is inked into you're skin underneath the clothes.

Genre: Fluff

POV: First person- Y/N

Warnings: a few cuss words, tattoos? I know some people are against tattoos for their own personal reasons so i'm just gonna put it as a warning even though it's pretty much the whole plot.

A/n: i'm obsessed with this request! I've been thinking about tattoos a lot lately so this request came at the perfect moment! I have already decided that i want a handful or two of tattoos. I love that you kinda based it off yourself too, i bet you're tattoos look amazing! Thank you sm for requesting my love! Hugs and kisses - Minnie x

April, the start of spring. The perfect season for weather, not too hot, not too cold, just the weather, other than it raining most days of the week.

Ever since i moved to Hawkins in December, it's been nothing snowy and chilly. Weather that requires long sleeve shirts and heavy sweaters, clothes that cover most skin.

Speaking of Hawkins, It fucking sucks here.

Not everything sucks, but most of it does.

One of the very few things that didn't suck was i met one of my best friends here. The trailer park freak, Eddie Munson. He was one of the very few people to actually understand me in this town. Or any place i've ever lived if i'm being completely honest here. He was one year older than me, me starting school late and him failing and having to repeat his senior year twice now, him currently in his third attempt in graduating. But ever since my first day at Hawkins high, he has been there for me, and i have been there for him.

We would hang out every weekend together, sometimes we would go out and go to the drive in or something, and other times we would just stay at his beat up trailer that he shared with his uncle and watch a movie there or just do whatever in the moment we felt like doing, even if it was just sitting in each others presence, we always did something.

Which lead us here, me walking into his trailer, the first Saturday of some semi-what warmish weather.

I didn't even knock, Eddie knows when i come over so usually he keeps the door unlocked for me, easy access for me to just let myself in, the door is always open for me.

I didn't see Eddie sitting in the living room, looking over down the hallway of the trailer was the door to Eddies bedroom, slightly cracked open, like usual i started walking towards his bedroom.

"oh Eddie!" i said as I opened the door a bit more and walked inside.

His bedroom, a mess like usual, cassettes placed everywhere, and of course Eddie, sitting on his bed, dnd folder open, writing down different ideas for the next Hellfire campaign.

He went to look back me and like usually, give me a nice welcome, but this time, it's like he....froze?

He just stared at me, his face unreadable.

"Um- Eds? You alright there?" i asked

"I- uh-"

"Hello? Earth to Eddie" i said, snapping my fingers in front of his face, breaking him out of whatever planet his just went to.

"Uh yeah- sorry it's just...i never knew you had uh...tattoos"

Shit, it had totally slipped my mind that Eddie had never seen my tattoos, let alone just hear or have any knowledge that i have any in the first place.

Most of my tattoos, currently on display for eyes to see since the weather became suddenly warmer, meaning i was in a tank top and shorts, also meaning my arms and legs were free to the eye.

"oh yeah, um- surprise?" i said with a small smile.

"you got more than i do, can i have a closer look?" He asked, a look of plea and hope in his eyes.

"sure, i don't mind Eds" i said as i sat down on his bed with him, he quickly took my arm and started examining all the art work inked into my skin.

"Who did all these? they all look fucking amazing"

"lots of different tattoo artists, some i did myself, and there a few that some random people at this frat party did"

He looked back up at me and raised his left eyebrow "You did some of these yourself?"

i nodded my head "Yup, i have a tattoo gun back at my house, i usually do easy designs on myself, you know? Let the pro's do the hard ones" i said, giggling at my words, him laughing along with me.

"Maybe you can give me one some day? or get matching ones? i mean if you don't want to i totally-"

"Eddie"

"Like i don't wanna pressure you into-"

"Eds"

"Tattoos are like perm-"

"EDDIE!"

"yeah?"

"i'd love that"

I may not be a pro tattoo artist, but for Eddie, i will try my best.

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jerzwriter · 3 years

Text

When the Bough Breaks - Part 1

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Casey MacTavish)

Series: Part 1 of (3?)

Rating: Teen +

Summary: Casey traded one dream for another when she accepted Ethan’s proposal. Even within their magical life, there were still times she mourned the loss of the child she’d never have. When Ethan learns he unknowingly fathered a child with a former lover, how will she cope? Will their marriage survive?

Category: Angst

Warnings: Decisions to have children, long-lost children, marital problems

A/N: I honestly don’t know why I decided to do this to myself… Several writers I follow received an anon ask for this story and my heart immediately ached for anyone who would attempt to write this; but, after contemplating it more than I care to admit, I accepted my masochistic tendencies and took out my laptop. It was too good a challenge to pass up. I’d like to thank the incredible @bex-la-get. I first saw this on her blog and I asked if she’d mind if I took a stab at it. She could not have been more gracious and encouraging. I know you already know what a blessing she is to the fandom, but I just extend my praise.

A/N 2: I want to thank my fellow FF addict, friend, and is now official long-lost sister (sticking with the theme!) @kachrisberry. Thank you for encouraging me, pre-reading, and being my cheerleader.

A/N 3: I’ve never been more stressed about posting a FF (to my DTI readers, yes, even more than Chapter 13😊). The idea is just… oofff. I hope my love for the characters shines through and I hope I do this story just a little justice. I can't wait to read Bex's and the other writer's versions. I am merely a princess in the presence of the queens and I am salivating to see what they produce.

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

Link to original ask: https://bex-la-get.tumblr.com/post/658265281308852224/are-you-willing-to-write-this-i-want-to-read-it

“Dr. Carrick, please report to the ER. Dr. Carrick, report to the ER.”

Ethan chuckled as he clutched his wife’s hand a bit tighter.

“Wow, they have their very own Dr. Carrick. I wonder how he compares to ours.”

Casey turned to him and smiled wanly.

“I’m sure ours is a much more colorful creature. There can’t possibly be two of them.”

She turned her head back to the banal painting that had been her focal point for the past half-hour. She attempted to reconcile how they ended up here. The idea of being in a hospital 150 miles away from home, waiting on test results that would forever change the course of their lives, would have seemed inconceivable just a week before.

Ethan brushed his fingers against her chin, turning her face toward his.

“Baby, don’t worry, no matter what, we will be OK.”

She swallowed and attempted to smile.

“I know,” she said.

Yet, if she truly meant that, her lip wouldn’t be quivering, she would not be biting her cheek in an attempt to hold back her tears, and her heart would not be ripping in two.

Two months earlier

It was a perfect April morning, crisp, sunny, without a single cloud in the sky. Ethan smiled as he gazed out the window. The day was nearly identical to the one three years before. That day was undoubtedly the happiest of Ethan Ramsey’s life, and he liked to believe it was for Casey Ramsey as well. Although she had assured him of it countless times, he still found it difficult to believe. In his opinion, being married to him could not begin to compare to the joy it brought to be able to call Casey his bride. Each year he did his best to make the day special. Two years ago, they were tucked away in a villa on a secluded beach in Hawaii; last year, it was in an adorable B&B on Martha’s Vineyard. Unfortunately, their schedules would not accommodate them taking off more than one day together now, and Ethan was none too happy about it. As was often the case, his wife had to talk some sense into him.

“Ethan, the only thing that matters is that we will be together. That’s all we need to make any day spectacular.”

He knew she was right, but that was not going to stop him from doing all he could to make this a memorable day.

Casey was still sound asleep when Ethan quietly entered their bedroom. He placed a breakfast tray on a table next to a vase of lavender roses that he arranged earlier. They were the same flowers that carried in her bouquet as she walked down the aisle to him. Despite their rarity, Ethan promised to present them to her on every anniversary thereafter.

He knelt beside his wife and began peppering her face with kisses.

“Happy Anniversary, Casey.”

She sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Happy Anniversary, Ethan. What’s all this?”

“It’s me making sure you have the best day possible. It’s not every woman who could tolerate being married to me. In fact, I am firmly convinced you’re the only one who ever could. So, it continues to be my mission to spoil you rotten as a thank you for putting up with me.”

Throwing her arms around his neck, she gave him a lingering kiss.

“Married three years, and you still don’t get that being your wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me, Dr. Ramsey. So, while I appreciate the spoiling, it’s completely unnecessary. I couldn’t be happier just knowing you’re mine.”

“Do you mind if your breakfast gets cold?”

“Well, why?”

“Because now that I think of it, there is something else I would rather do first.” A sly grin spread across his face as he pushed his wife back into the bed, laying on top of her as she giggled.

“There’s always the microwave.”

He momentarily lifted his head in disgust, “The microwave? Have I taught you nothing?”

“You’ve taught me plenty,” she said pulling him back on top of her, “now, let’s practice some of those things.”

Though their relationship had been a tumultuous journey, they had settled into idyllic wedded bliss. It took three years to overcome his insecurities and admit just how much he loved Casey, but once he did, he could not wait to make her his wife. They were married in a beautiful beach ceremony just 3-months later. When people asked why the rush, Ethan said they were making up for lost time.

They couldn’t be happier. However, for Casey, this beautiful life did come at a price. From the beginning she knew Ethan did not see children as part of his future, but then again, neither was a committed relationship or marriage. A part of her hoped that his personal evolution would continue. Perhaps he would open the door to the possibility of fatherhood, but he did not.

When he asked Casey to marry him, she insisted that they resolve this issue first. It was a difficult time. Ethan was petrified. After finally overcoming his fears and admitting he wanted a life with the woman he adored by his side, he faced the real possibility of losing her. This was one issue where compromise was not possible, and, as much as it pained him, he couldn’t even blame her if she decided to leave him behind. Asking her to give up her dream of becoming a mother was not a small request. He found it impossible to assuage his guilt as he watched her struggle to make a decision. There were many days when he considered giving in, but he could not. There was no way he could bring a new life into this world knowing in his heart he would never be able to provide what it would need. Not after the childhood he endured and the lasting damage that ensued. The only thing he could do is wait for Casey to come to a conclusion. His entire world was on pause.

When Casey broached the subject, she was optimistic even though, deep down, she already knew his answer. She didn’t even want a big family, she explained; just one child would be plenty. She pointed out all of Ethan’s virtues that would lend to being a wonderful father. She knew in her heart that they would be able to give their child everything it needed and more together. Several tear-filled conversations later, he was adamant, he loved her, but this was the one place he could not give in. She told him that she needed some time. Two weeks, she said, she would give him an answer at the end of two weeks.

It was excruciating. Neither knew if their love story would continue with them solidifying their commitment to one another. Or, if it would end, adding their names to a list of tragic lovers who were destined to live their lives apart. The prospect of losing each other was more than either could bear, but there was no other solution to this dilemma. One of them would have to make a sacrifice, and Ethan already made it clear, it wouldn’t be him. So the choice rested on Casey's shoulders.

In the end, she didn’t need two weeks. Six days later, while out for her morning jog, the answer came to her as clear as day. She changed direction and ran to Ethan’s doorstep.

“I want you.” She declared. "Ethan. I want a life with you more than anything else in this world. When it comes down to it, I can imagine living a happy life without having a child, but I cannot imagine one without you by my side. So, yes, Ethan, yes, I will marry you.”

He was simply overjoyed but still fearful. What if she changed her mind? What if she grew to resent him and it tore them apart? He insisted on attending pre-marital counseling before they set a wedding date. Casey laughed; they couldn’t do anything simply, could they? After only a few sessions, they realized Casey would never be happy about not being a mother. Still, she had accepted her decision and did not resent Ethan for it. Life was full of choices, and people never get everything they want, but she knew where she belonged, and it was with him. Ethan could not believe that anyone could love him that much.

They went on to be the couple everyone else aspired to be. Their faces brightened whenever the other entered a room. They couldn’t wait to see each other at the end of the day – even though they worked together. They found their other halves and Casey never regretted her choice. But it was impossible to ignore the sadness in her eyes each time a friend or colleague announced that they were expecting. She would smile and celebrate, genuinely happy for them, but anyone who knew her could see through the facade. As time went on, she passed on invitations to all but her closest friend's baby showers. Ethan knew she had no commitments on those days, but never asked why she wasn't attending, he already knew.

Shortly after their first anniversary, Casey’s cousin Peter asked them to be godparents to his daughter, Jenna. They both delighted in the role. They made frequent trips to her cousin’s home and spoiled her as much as her parents would allow (well, maybe even a little more). Ethan simply adored spending time with Jenna. Casey watched as Ethan would hold her while she napped, or play with her on the floor, and she allowed her hopes to rise once more. But it was for naught. He loved Jenna, Ethan explained, he loved children; he simply did not want any of his own.

Casey never discussed it again after that day, but Ethan was not unaware of her sorrow, and, at times, his guilt was overwhelming. He was living in a twisted paradox. He loved Casey more than life itself and wanted to give her the world, but he knew he was denying her one of her greatest dreams, causing her ongoing pain. Before they were married, he worried that she would eventually resent him causing their marriage to erode. Now, he understood that his untamed guilt could have the same effect.

Unbeknownst to Casey, he began seeing a therapist to better understand his reluctance to becoming a father. He wanted to determine, once and for all, if it was something he could open his heart and mind to. He did not tell Casey. He had to know first. Allowing her to have hope and then crushing it again would be cruel. In time, he began to see a change in himself. The idea was no longer as daunting; he started to see it as something he could embrace. Occasionally he daydreamed of how he would share the news with Casey. He had settled on wrapping a onesie up and presenting it to her after a quiet dinner at home. He wondered if it would be too cheesy to have “Would you be my mom?” written on it. A baby proposal, if you will. He was almost there. He could practically feel it, but he needed to be one-hundred percent certain.

Two months later

Casey spent her day off shopping for Jenna. Her second birthday was next week and they would be traveling to Pennsylvania to help her celebrate.

When returned to their townhome, Casey cleared the dining room table and began wrapping the abundant number of gifts she purchased. She laughed because she knew Ethan would see the plethora of presents and say, ‘Are you sure we got enough?’ These were the moments when Casey felt the yearning inside her and the pain that inevitably followed. It was especially difficult because she felt so alone. She never shared this with Ethan. She made her choice and gave her word; it would be unfair to burden him with a decision she made. But the issue felt too intimate for her to share with others, so she bore this pain herself. Still, when she looked at the mantle and saw all the beautiful photos of the life she and Ethan shared, she knew she made the right choice. It just hurt sometimes.

Ethan left his lunchtime appointment and returned to work. Today would be his last day of therapy. He conquered the fears that were holding him back. Not only was he confident that he could be a good father, but the idea of having a child with Casey was exhilarating. He could not wait to tell her and considered running home immediately to share the news. But this was too big, too important, and he wanted to make it memorable. He decided to tell her the following week, before Jenna's birthday party. He would slip his present in with Jenna's and give it to Casey before leaving their hotel. As he walked the halls of Edenbrook, he could not wipe the grin off of his face, causing consternation among all who came into contact with him.

The doorbell rang, startling Casey. She had not expected any visitors or deliveries today. A stunning woman, roughly her age, stood before her when she opened the door. With her immaculate chestnut brown hair, crystal blue eyes, and a kind but elegant face, she looked like an old Hollywood starlet come to life. But her furrowed brow and the constant wringing of her hands made it clear she was troubled.

“Hi, Can I help you?”

“Uhm, yes, ah, I’m looking for Ethan Ramsey. Is this the correct address?”

“Yes, but I’m afraid he is not home. I’m his wife, is there anything that I can help you with?”

The woman’s complexion turned ashen.

“Oh, I didn’t realize there was a Mrs. Ramsey, uh, I’m sorry.”

Casey’s blood went cold.

“Well, there is, and it’s me,” she said with a nervous smile. “May I ask who you are and why you need to speak with my husband?”

“Uhm, my name is Amanda, Amanda Pierce. I’m an old friend of Ethan’s, and I just wanted to… I need to talk to him. Could I possibly leave my number with you? Or maybe you could give me his... if that’s OK.”

“I’ll get a piece of paper and take yours. Can you wait here a moment?”

“Sure.”

Casey felt her heart racing. Something wasn’t right. She knew Ethan wouldn’t be unfaithful to her, but she couldn’t stop her mind from going there. Pushing the thought aside, she retrieved a receipt on the kitchen counter and a pen before rushing back to her front door.

“Here,” Casey said, “write your information, and I’ll get it to him today.”

Amanda's hand was shaking, so much so that Casey took the pen back to write the number herself.

“I’m truly sorry to bother you. You really seem like a really lovely woman,” Amanda said, almost apologetically.

“Well, thank you. I will be sure to give this to Ethan right away.”

____________________

Casey could have waited until Ethan returned home that evening. She could have called him or sent him a text. But something inside her felt that this needed to be handled in person and quickly. She grabbed her keys and headed to the hospital. She didn’t quite run, but she was undoubtedly walking at a brisker pace than she did on her regular walk to work.

Ethan’s face beamed when she walked into his office, “Hey, you’re off today. I didn’t expect to see you!”

She closed the door, locking it behind her. Ethan took one look at her and realized this visit was not for pleasure.

“Casey, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. Maybe nothing. But a woman stopped by the house, and she said she needed to talk to you and implied that it was important. She gave me her number.”

Casey handed him the receipt.

“Her name is Amanda, Amanda Pierce. She said she’s an old friend.”

Ethan’s eyes went wide.

“A, Amanda?”

“Yes. Is she an old friend?”

“She’s an old girlfriend or as much of a girlfriend as I ever had. We had a brief relationship shortly before I met you.”

Casey swallowed, “Was it serious?”

“No.” Ethan answered emphatically, “It was my standard MO. We dated for two or three months, then she wanted something more, I didn’t, and we went our separate ways. I haven’t seen nor heard from her since.”

“Why do you think she’s here now?”

“I have no idea, but I’d like to get to the bottom of it.”

He picked up his phone and motioned for Casey to take a seat. He dialed the number, placing the call on speaker.

“Hello.”

“Hello, is this Amanda?”

“Yes. Is this Ethan?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Oh, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

“Well, you did. Can I ask why you wish to speak to me?”

“Of course. But not over the phone. Are you available anytime soon?”

“I’m available right now. Where can we meet?”

“Oh, well, I’m still in Back Bay.”

“There is a coffee house, The Thinking Cup, on Newbury St. Can you be there in 30-minutes?”

“Yes, I’ll see you there.”

Ethan looked up at Casey, “I don’t like waiting on these things. Mysteries do nothing for me.”

“I don’t disagree.”

Casey looked like she saw a ghost and Ethan could see her trepidation. He leaned over the desk and took her hand.

“Casey, I don’t know what this is about, but I hope you know that you have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh, I don’t think… I’m not under the assumption you want to have an affair or anything, but exes don’t typically pop out of the woodwork for a good reason. So, yes, I’m nervous.”

“Would you like to come with me? You are more than welcome. There is nothing she, or anyone else, can say in front of me that they cannot say in front of you.”

Casey thought about it, but something inside of her told her not to go. She trusted Ethan implicitly, so he could handle this.

“I think you should go alone. I will be at home, but please come there as soon as you’re done.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll ask Harper to pick up my cases for the day and I’ll be home as soon as I’m through.”

He walked around his desk and kissed her forehead.

“Don’t worry, Case. Everything will be OK.”

____________________

Casey made herself a cup of chamomile tea. She attempted watching TV. She took out a book she had been hoping to catch up on. She went on her phone and scrolled through social media posts. Nothing kept her attention; nothing kept her mind off Ethan and what he and Amanda could be discussing right now. She began pacing the living room, and shortly after that, she heard the front door open.

Ethan entered from the foyer; he was as pale as a ghost. Casey had been trying her best to stay calm, but the moment she saw him, her heart sank.

“What? What is it, Ethan? Tell me.”

He appeared to be in shock as he walked toward her. His movements were methodical, his words bordered on robotic.

“Casey, I… I think you should sit down for this.”

She could identify the very moment when her heart and head began to pound so hard, she could hear them. Her stomach churned as adrenaline pumped through her body. She tried to steady her breathing. Hysteria was not going to help here.

“No. I’m fine where I am. Please, tell me, Ethan. Tell me now.”

Ethan exhaled a shaky breath before collapsing in a wing chair across from her. He leaned forward, forehead in his hands. He rubbed his temples before pulling his hands through his hair, grasping it for several moments before finally letting go.

Casey felt hot tears welling in her eyes. She had asked him to tell her now, immediately, and he was stalling. She considered demanding his reply, but she felt like her entire life was about to change, and not for the better. So, part of her appreciated the delay; perhaps he was affording her the final few moments of her life as it once was. But the reprieve could not last forever and, eventually, his voice broke the silence.

“As I told you before, Amanda and I were involved before you came to Edenbrook. We, we were only together a short time and….”

“Yes, Ethan, please get to the point.”

“Well, uhm, today… Amanda told me that….”

He lowered his face into his hands and shook his head vigorously. There was no easy way to say it; he just had to do it. He stood up and looked directly at Casey.

“She told me that we have a son.”

Casey felt like the wind knocked out of her. She stumbled backward as one hand grasped her chest, and the other covered her gaping mouth.

“What?” she said with a meek voice, her quivering lip matching the rhythm of her shaking body.

“She said she found out she was pregnant shortly after we split. She knew I didn’t want a relationship at all, never mind one with her, and she knew I never wanted a child. So, she felt it was better that I didn’t know.”

Casey turned away from him. Her body had gone numb. She could hear Ethan speak, but his words were not reaching her mind.

“She moved back to Connecticut to be near her family. She never told anyone who… who the father was. But... he's been having some issues and ... anyway, that's why she decided to tell me now."

The room fell silent; the only sound was Casey’s ragged breath. It seemed to last for an eternity.

“Casey, say something.”

She slowly turned around. Shock and anguish distorted her beautiful face.

“I… I suppose you believe it is true.”

“The timeline plays out. He is 6 years old. She said she’d arrange for a paternity test to be done. She offered it before I even asked. She insists that I was the only person she had been with during that time.”

“Did she happen to show you a picture of him?”

“Yes.”

“And?” Casey asked, her voice a guttural cry.

“And the resemblance to me at his age is… it is remarkable.”

Casey’s body had been tense, pin-straight in anticipation, but with these words, it went limp. Her head fell into her hand as her tears broke free. She felt her knees buckling as she collapsed onto the sofa.

“I can’t believe this,” she sobbed.

Ethan ran to her side and wrapped his arm around her.

“Casey, I... I didn’t… I don’t… I’m ….”

“You didn’t know … so don’t… you couldn’t tell me if you didn’t know.”

“I know, but… I’m... I’m sorry, Casey. I’m still in shock ….”

“Of course, of course,” she spoke without emotion, looking straight ahead, never at Ethan. “Are you ok?”

“I’m shocked. I’m confused. I want to know for certain… but…” he trailed.

“But?”

“But I’m most worried about you.”

She wanted to tell him not to be. She wanted to tell him she was fine. She knew that this was earth-shattering for him, and, as usual, she wanted to be his place of comfort and support. But this time, she couldn't be.

“Yeah,” she said trying to stifle tears, “I’m worried about me too.”

She stood up and walked across the room.

“Honey, I…” he got up to follow her. She still had her back to him when she lifted her left hand to stop him.

“No, no, Ethan. Please, don’t come by me. I know you didn’t do anything wrong. I know it is insane for me to be upset with you. But right now, I’m not thinking logically, and I need to be alone. Please?”

Ethan closed his eyes. “I understand.”

“I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back.”

Casey left their home and walked to The Esplanade. For the first half-hour, her mind was so clouded she didn’t even think about what just occurred. There was emptiness, a void inside her, unlike anything she had experienced before. She sat on a park bench and bent over, covering her face from any passersby.

This can’t be happening.

She kept telling herself this wasn’t Ethan’s fault. He didn’t know. She loved him more than anything in the world. How could she be upset with him? He didn’t do anything. But she was. She was so upset with him. He was the reason she would never be a mother. He was the one who gave an ultimatum and forced her to make a choice. She was fine with her decision because she loved him so much. But could she be fine with that decision now? She gave up her dream of motherhood to be with him, and now he may share a child with another woman. How could she live with that?

The pain in her heart was so wretched she didn’t think she could breathe, much less stand, but if she stayed still, she was convinced she would combust. So she lifted herself off the bench and walked furiously along the river.

Why are there so goddamned many baby strollers and kids out here today!?

She knew that there were probably no more than usual, but today, they were impossible to ignore.

She didn’t know how much time had passed since she left home, but the sun was beginning to set, and she wanted to return before dark. She was so far away, it would take her at least a half-hour to walk back, but there was no way her legs would carry her. She called Ethan and asked him to come to get her. She believed she was ready to face him. After all, she had no more tears left to cry. She was still anguished, but numbness and exhaustion began were taking the place of shock and horror, and, in comparison, they felt good. She leaned against a brick wall and awaited his arrival.

When Ethan pulled up, it was clear that his afternoon was every bit as painful as hers. Casey lamented that they were unable to share it together, but there was no way. His eyes were swollen and red and his expression was vacant until he saw Casey. The moment his eyes met hers, a look of sorrowful longing overtook him. She witnessed the transformation, and a warmth began to spread within her. She loved him. She loved him so much. She’d do anything for him, but she didn’t know what to do with this.

Ethan jerked his car to a stop, leaving it parked illegally behind him. He ran to Casey with the hopes of enveloping her in his arms, but he was unsure if she would accept him. To his overwhelming relief, she wrapped her arms around him and collapsed into his chest. She thought her tears had dried out… she was wrong. She sobbed into him as gentle tears fell down his face. He held her as tightly as he could, caressing her back and her hair.

“Casey, I love you. I don't know what to say. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can't imagine...."

“I know you don’t want to hurt me. I don’t know what to do either. I don’t know how to feel. Ethan, I’m just, I’m scared.”

“I am too, baby. I am too.”

“Can we go home? We need to talk, and we can’t do it here.”

We need to talk. He felt his chest clench.

“Of course, we can. Let’s go.”

He took her hand and led her to the car, opening the door and kissing her head when she sat down. The ride home was grueling. They drove in total silence, but their hands never parted, each wondering where did they go from here?

When the Bough Breaks - Part 2

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