#and that she used to sing before they were born :] then she stopped apparently :[

[reinabeestudio]

Can we talk about Starlo's family cause like. How can everyone in that house be so damn pretty

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run .08

Yandere!Eustass Kid x F!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of death, blood, reader having a crisis, pregnancy, angst, probably slight cringe cause i've been sleep deprived and think everything good idea then, and most likely other shit i can't think of atm

A/N: apparently my body can't decide whether to write Kid or Kidd cause i wrote Kidd half way through this after spelling it 'Kid' in the last two fic's. So please bare with my stupidity

music playlist

@rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092 @nerdgeekandeverysweet-blog @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

~~~

Even though you’ve been counting down the months to finally reach Sabaody, a part of you yearned for just a few more weeks with G-5. Now, with only three more days till you dock at the archipelago, the excitement is palpable. Time seemed to have a mind of its own, neither hastening nor slowing. They say time flies when you're having fun, and indeed it did. Four months dwindled to three, then two, and before you knew it, you were down to mere days.

You couldn’t wait to see everyone, to reveal the person you’ve become during the two-year separation. The anticipation to demonstrate your newfound devil fruit powers and everything Smoker and G-5 have instilled in you. To prove that you've earned the title of a Straw Hat.  That even in the face of pregnancy, you stand strong, capable of protecting yourself and your friends. You’ve toiled day and night to hone your abilities and devil fruit powers, all while nurturing the life growing within you.

Tashigi helped you in buying things that’d make your life a bit easier. Pregnancy pillows, maternity clothes, vitamins to keep yourself healthy, and everything in between. She even convinced you to write a journal for every day of your pregnancy. It did help a lot more than you thought it would. You wrote what you wouldn’t tell anyone else and how you truly felt about your situation that day. Some good and some bad.

A wave of emotions would often overwhelm you when something triggered memories of your time with Kidd. The echo of people calling your name, the rumble of thunder, all reminiscent of your time spent in the shadows. While you knew you’d never be the same person you were before Kidd, you have strived to heal from all the things that have transpired.

It wasn’t working very well, though.

Looking at any reflective surface has your heart shattering when your eyes land on the visible scars on your body. Trying to picture yourself without the scars was impossible as you struggled not to imagine Kidd in the image as well. It was almost easier to pretend you were born with your scars rather than think about the one that gave them to you. Even in everyday life, he'd pop into your head when you weren’t thinking about him. Closing your eyes, you still see his amber eyes staring right back at you.

Being alone with your thoughts always makes things difficult. If it were too quiet, you’d hear his voice whispering in your ear. Feeling his fingers touching your skin when you wore short-sleeved shirts was also common. Times when you were so close to slumber, you’d start to smell his presence. The only thing that seems to calm you down now is a tune your mother used to sing to you.

It had been sealed away in your memories for years, and now you managed to remember the words and tune after having a dream about her singing it to you. You watched her rock yourself as she sang the little song before tucking you in. Her face was a blur, but you could still hear her. At least you could still remember her voice. Yet when she stopped singing, you immediately woke up.

Since then, you’ve been subconsciously humming it when working around the ship. You remember getting embarrassed when Tashigi asked you what you were singing. When you told her that it was something your mother sang to you when you were a baby, she got stars in her eyes.

“You should sing to them! I heard it’s extremely beneficial to the baby!” You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your more invested in this pregnancy than I am, and I'm the one carrying the baby.”

“I heard it’s great for bonding and-” She stopped herself before she could finish. You knew what she was trying to say and that there was no ill will behind it.

“It’s okay. I know you meant well. Maybe if the situation were different, I’d be more excited. But I don’t want to get too close to them since I’m putting them up for adoption.”

“I’m sorry. I forgot about that. I guess I just got excited for something other than listening to men yelling and fighting.”

“No, I promise it’s okay! Things happen. You meant well, and that’s all that matters to me.”

Leaning against the railing, you look out at the setting sun. The beautiful colors you memorize as you imagine sailing off with the Straw Hats. Happy laughter as you’d hear them tell their stories of their adventures from the two years you’ve been separated. You couldn’t wait to hear Luffy’s infectious laughter or see Robin's calming smile. Only three more days until you make it to Sabaody then-...

…What then?

You’d still be pregnant, on the run, and scared that any second Kidd’s going to show up and whisk you away. Even after you put up the baby for adoption, your body would still look pregnant for a while before going back to normal. Your body would wonder where the baby had gone and when it’d come back. How were you supposed to live life normally after this? Knowing that you have a baby out there that you’ll never get to see grow up. Always worry if they're safe and scared that Kidd might find them and use them as leverage to make you come back.

But at the same time, you couldn’t take them with you. The sea is no place to raise a child, let alone a baby. They could fall overboard, get kidnapped by Marines or rival pirate groups, hell, they could get ill at sea, and you wouldn’t have the medicine to make them better!

Anyway, you looked at it, it felt like nothing was the right choice. The negatives outweighed the positives in your head. It’s possible that everything you’ve experienced has made you an internal pessimist. That, or maybe you were just thinking logically. Either or, it still sucked.

“What are you thinking about?” Tashigi’s voice pulled you from your negative thoughts as she stood beside you.

“Everything and nothing at all. Three days, and then we’ll be enemies. Feels weird knowing that.”

“Yeah. It’s gonna be weird not having you around. I’m gonna be stuck as the only girl once again.” You laugh a bit at her admission.

“If only we’d be able to call one another. But it’s too much of a risk in case any higher-ups were to find out.” Both of you sigh before turning to each other.

“Why do you have to be a pirate?”

“Why do you have to be a Marine?” The two of you laugh as you see the stars start to appear in the night sky.

“The stars are pretty, huh? Maybe we can find constellations if we look hard enough.” You can see Tashigi thinking out of the corner of your eye before her head perks up.

“What if we take pictures? Like a group picture? We’d be able to remember each other even if we can’t talk.”

“You're right! We can do it tomorrow morning! I heard it’s supposed to be sunny and clear!”

“Perfect! We can go around telling the other Marines about it, and they’ll all agree. Vice Admiral Smoker, we might have to convince or drag.”

“I think it’ll be worth the extra chores.”

~~~

As you lay in your bed once more, you look out over the multiple sleeping marines. In a few days' time, you’ll never see them again. If you do, then you’d have to fight them. Once you get back to the Straw Hats, you’ll undoubtedly have a bounty from the government. Then you’ll genuinely be ‘enemies,’ but the thought of hurting any of them made you want to cry. How could you hurt those who took you in, no matter who you were? They risked getting in trouble and put themselves in danger just for you.

Maybe if your forced to fight them, you could just run away? Usopp does it a lot, so why couldn’t you?

You move slightly to get more comfy, only to hear a ‘thud’ come from the side of your bed. Gently moving to the best of your pregnant abilities, you manage to see a particular journal that you haven’t read since the first week you met the G-5.

Heat’s journal.

Biting your lip, you mentally fight to figure out whether you should read it or not. After taking months to try and process Heat’s internal thoughts and the truth about your home, perhaps you were ready to read the rest of it.

Scooting closer to the edge of the bed, you manage to grab the book by the tips of your fingers. You bring it up just enough for your other hand to hold it. A slight pain rummages through your body as you try to bring it up. Thankfully, you manage to pull it up just enough to grab it with your other hand. Snuggling into the bed more, you use the moon as a light source to read the book.

Something happened. I don’t know what it was exactly, but whatever it was, put (Y/N) in the hospital on the island we’re currently docked at. No one but Killer and Kidd himself were allowed to see her. Doctors must have been in and out of that room when (Y/N) first entered.

I can’t see (Y/N) trying to kill herself. Not with the small determination I can still see in her eyes. It had to be something involving Kidd. If Kidd can put a hot metal branding on her, then I don’t think he’d be above doing something to land her in the hospital.

I’ve talked to Wire about his thoughts on what could have happened. He told me that while he saw nothing, he heard multiple thuds and yelling coming from beneath the deck. Immediately upon hearing that, a sour taste filled my mouth. I have to go down and see for myself the room Kidd has been keeping (Y/N) in. There has to be something down there that could tell me something.

Of course, Kidd didn’t want his crew to know he almost killed you. Typical. What did Heat say when he saw you come back from the hospital? When what was the starting time when you forgot your memories. Gently skimming through the pages, you found the entry you were looking for.

I don’t think my eyes have ever widened as much as they did when I saw Kidd and (Y/N) holding hands. There was a bright smile on (Y/N)’s face when she finally came aboard the deck. Her legs are wobbly, and it looks like she’s learning how to walk again. She had bandages covering her head. Behind her and Kid was a doctor along with Killer.

Obviously, somethings not right. (Y/N) or Kidd must have hit her head so hard that a real doctor is needed. While I know it’s a very cliche scenario, I think that she must have hit her head so hard that her memory fogged. And if that’s so, what lies had Kidd told her already? Maybe if I'm able to get the doctor alone, I can get some information.

So Heat saw you the day you returned to the Victoria Punk after the incident? You were shocked that Kidd didn’t bring you back to the ship during the night. But thankfully, he was too stupid, and it allowed Heat to see the first part of the aftermath in real-time.

You don’t remember the first week or two when you got back to the Victoria. Not the doctors or leaving the hospital. It was probably for the best, though. You don’t need any more trauma than you already have.

“What were his thoughts during those five months?” Looking back at the marines to ensure they were sleeping, you flip through the pages again.

Caught (Y/N) staring out to sea earlier before the night entirely took over. It’s been a while since I’ve talked to her, honestly. I felt like I was going insane trying to figure out how or if I should help her now. She looks so happy now, but at the same time, her happiness is based on lies and blood.

Why did this have to happen? What sins did (Y/N) do in a past life that made this her reality? One minute, she was living her life, then the next, she’s stuck in a storage room on a pirate ship. I try not to think how alone she must have felt before this incident. Always being stuck in the dark and only seeing the same people over and over again. Me talking to her can only do so much. It won’t bring back her parents or friends. Nor will it bring back her home.

It still eats me knowing that I’m the reason this woman has no one left. No friends or family. Well, there’s those Straw Hats she’s told me about.

I remember them from Sabaody. Their captain was a strange one, but it did seem like he cared for his crew. If he’s willing to risk his life by storming Impel Down and Navy headquarters just to save his brother, then I think if there is any place or pirate crew for her to be in, it’d be the Straw Hats.

Maybe if I mention Saboady, it’ll spark something and clear the fog that’s invaded her mind.

"If only you knew Heat. It was the thing that made me realize somethings not right.” For a Kidd Pirate, he truly was a fallen angel in disguise. While you’ll never forgive him for what he did to your home, he proved that almost everyone deserves a second chance.

Holy shit. I can hear my heart beating in my ears. I haven’t run as quickly and quietly as I could in forever. Not to mention the underlying threat of getting caught giving (Y/N) a devil fruit.

Finding the damn thing was entirely on accident but a pain in the ass to bring on the ship without anyone noticing. Even stealing the fruit was a feat in itself. I don’t know how that fisherman found it or what he was planning on doing with it, but in the end, it’s going to a better cause. 

I managed to have (Y/N) eat it by luring her outside the dining hall earlier. When I watched her eat it all, it made a slight ease wash over me. At least now, she’d have a bit more of a fighting chance against Kidd if he did anything.

I feel bad that I couldn’t tell her everything right then and there, but I was already pushing it by being so close to everyone, especially with Killer being somewhere on deck. I didn’t want to cause a scene and have Kidd freak out or anything. The longer he’s in the dark, the safer it is for (Y/N) and myself.

Honestly, I thought Killer would have knocked some sense into Kidd when he found out about (Y/N). I was obviously very wrong. 

“If anything, he was just as insane as Kidd. Fueling his crazed thoughts and obsession. I still remember that dumb conversation I heard between him and Kidd about boarding up the storage room.” It pissed you off more that if it weren’t for Killer’s mask, you probably would have put two and two together quicker. Facial expressions are everything. 

I caught (Y/N) staring at the sky again. Thankfully, Killer and Wire were on the opposite side of the ship, so I was finally able to talk to (Y/N) alone. She didn’t know what I made her eat initially, which shocked me. Maybe she hadn’t done anything to trigger it yet.

We both found out pretty quickly what her devil fruit power was, though.

I was trying to tell her that everything she knew about Kidd was a lie. That her life was a lie. I wanted to be more collected and calm about it, but how do you carefully say something like that?  It was hard seeing her eyes flash all her emotions, but it soon turned to pain when a harsh shock hit my hands. It felt like a burning hot pole went straight through my hands. 

It hurt like a bitch, but the pain subsided when I saw her looking at her hands. When I also looked at them, I saw electricity slither across her hands. I watched her put her hands together and was speechless when a ball of pure electricity formed. She started panicking when the ball was getting too big for her to control and starting to hurt her. I told her to throw it out to sea, and when she did, I felt like I was watching the moon shrink. It was so bright and slightly calming. The farther it went, the more at ease I felt. (Y/N) had a chance. She had a chance to defend herself and run away.

And I’ll be there to make sure she’s safe.

Tears fall profusely down your face, reading the last line. How can the world be so cruel? All he wanted to do was help, and yet he lost his life.

You go to read the next page only to see it’s blank. Feeling your throat dry, you start skimming through the rest of the pages, hoping to see more writing, yet there is nothing. It felt like your heart had been ripped directly from your chest. That was the last thing Heat has ever written, and it just had to be the most heartbreaking thing to read.

Curling up as best you can, considering your belly, you hold Heat’s journal close to your chest. You try your best not to sob as you don’t want to wake up the rest of the Marines sleeping next to you. Between sniffles and the slight shaking as you try to control your breathing, you whisper to yourself in hopes that wherever Heat is, he’ll hear you.

“Thank you.”

~~~

Another island was reduced to ashes after falling victim to Eustass Kidd’s wraith. A once lush and thriving island is now in flames and crumbling as the ruthless pirate searched tirelessly for a certain someone last seen there.

“God fucking damnit! When I get my hands on whatever Marines are holding her, I’m going to kill every single one of them! They’ll wish they never got involved when I break each of their bones!” Kidd’s voice boomed across the town as his amber eyes scanned everywhere.

Where are you?! Why aren’t you here?!

“Kid.” Killer’s voice breaks through the brute's rage, making him turn his head.

“What Killer?!”

“We’ve searched everywhere, and there's no sign of her. It’s not like we can ask anyone either since everyone has evacuated before we arrived.”

Ever since the incident on Halyard Island, as soon as your location was revealed in the paper, people would evacuate their homes to try to save their families and avoid the unstable tornado of destruction that was Eustass Kidd. 

Some people stayed because it’d been their home since birth, and they’d rather die than leave it defenseless. There have been rebellions to try to stop Kidd, but they were always snuffed out the moment Kidd saw them. The same could be said for any Marines that were sent to stop him. Getting sent on a mission to any island that you had been spotted at was a death wish. Sometimes, the Marines were too late, and Kidd had already destroyed the island. But when Kidd would see them, he wouldn’t let any Marines leave until he talked to each and every single one of them. And since none of them had you, none of them would leave the island alive.

Your name had become a jinx to any Marine that spoke it. Speaking your name would always have the Marine that spoke it sent out on the next mission to stop Kid from destroying yet another island just to find you. And since none of them had you, they’d never come back alive to say what they’ve experienced.

After being the ‘cause’ of death for so many Marines, some rookies have given you the nickname ‘Devil’s Darling.’ It was a joke at first, but as the death toll rose and how Kidd’s name got more infamous, more and more people adopted it. And with a nickname like that, more people have come to hate you.

While you haven’t done anything, the fact is that if it weren’t for you escaping, no one would have gotten hurt. If only you had bit the bullet, no one would have lost their lives. Many victims of Kidd’s rage blame you for it. Anger and fear take over the hearts of many, and to the civilians of the New World, you’ve become as feared and hated as the man hunting you down.

The government had become more conflicted on where to stand with you. While you were technically innocent, the people have been nagging them to put an official bounty on your head. If they did, you’d only be wanted alive. The power they could hold if they managed to capture you. You could be the key to finally catching and imprisoning Eustass Kidd.

And Kidd knew all of this.

He knew the hatred the people had started to hold for you. How they’d give you to him if they managed to recognize and grab you before you left the island. In a way, he had the whole New World in his hand. Their hatred and fear was and will be the town’s own undoing.

The only people stopping him were fucking journalists who don’t say or do a thing when they see you. They are so desperate for a story and to lead him on that they don’t care about how they’ve helped in the destruction.

“Of course, she isn’t here. Fucking hate those journalists and Marines.” Kidd kicked a smoldering piece of wood in anger. Ashes fly to the sky as it did nothing to soothe his rage.

They don’t understand that he needs you. He dreams of you every night. Dreams of you laying next to him and kissing his face. Some where you were holding his child, soothing them to sleep. Humming a small tune before noticing him and smiling. You’d say something to him, but he could never remember what it was when he woke up.

And while there were dreams, nightmares followed suit. Nightmares of you falling into the ocean and sinking to the bottom with your hand outstretched for Kidd to grab and save you. Or the times when you’d be running from Marines to him only for you to get shot as soon as he had you in your arms. The nightmares plagued him much more than he dreamt of you. He’s always had nightmares when you weren’t lying next to him. Ever since the first night you’ve slept with him in his bed, he’s never been able to sleep alone without waking up sometimes during the night. The warmth your body gave him while you slept, go thim addicted.

Those first few months you left and joined those damn Straw Hats, the same nightmare happened every night. It replayed the scene of you sailing away from him over and over again. No matter what, those months without you behind closed doors were pure hell for Kidd. You were just gone from his life after being by his side for a year and a half. He’d never get to kiss you or hold you close again.

But just as Killer tried to get Kidd over you, he saw you.

He was fighting a pacifista next to that dweeb Trafalgar Law when he turned his head, and there you were. You were running as fast as you could, and there he saw you. What you were running from, he didn’t know, but what he did know was that you were alone. No Straw Hats or Marines to take you away now. You were his for the taking once more, and this time, he’d make sure you knew it-

“Earth to Kidd!” Blinking a few times, Kidd’s pulled from his memories by Killer snapping his fingers in his face.

“I was thinking! What is it?”

“Haven’t you noticed a pattern? How each island she’s at, she gets closer and closer to the Navy Headquarters?” A pit filled Kidd’s stomach hearing Killer’s words.

“What are you saying, Killer? Spill it!”

“What if their taking her to the safety of Navy Headquarters? Or worse, Impel Down?” Kidd grits his teeth at the thought. No way in hell was he gonna let those fuckers take you.

“Any Marine ship we see, attack. Don’t care if they're not in our course. No Marine ship will get past the Victoria. Search every part of the Marine ship, and if she isn’t there, sink the ship to the bottom of the sea.”

“And the Marines on it?”

“Kill them all.”

~~~

“You wanted to see me, Vice Admiral? If it’s about the pictures we did yesterday, I have some here if you want to choose one.-”

“Sit. We need to talk.” Your heart stopped for a second, but you managed to snap back and sit on the chair in front of his desk. The way he sat in his chair behind the desk made you bite the inside of your cheek. When Tashigi told you that he wanted to see you, you were nervous. She said that while she didn’t know why he wanted to, you had no need to be scared.

Obviously, she was wrong.

“O-Oh? What about?” You can feel your palms sweat as the room seems to heat up.

“The government has finally put up a bounty for you.” Hearing those words come from Smoker's mouth made time stop as thousands of scenarios played through your head. Would he turn you in?

“But I haven’t done anything! Why do I have a bounty?!”

“You haven’t done anything. But Kidd has.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“He’s been destroying islands, villages, and Marine ships nonstop. Anything in his path has become a victim of his rage. According to headquarters, we’ve lost a lot of good men to him. Rookies, Vice Admirals, and Admirals even have been killed. His bounty has tripled in the last six months. Wouldn’t shock me if it raises the next time the new bounty posters come up.” You were speechless. How many people have been hurt or killed because of you? So many deaths for simply living. This has to be a nightmare.

“I don’t understand. Why do I have a bounty for things he’s done? I’m not out here hurting people!” Smoker sighed before running a hand through his hair.

“They want to use you to lure Kidd so they can capture him. That and many people of the New World are treating you as much of a threat as kid himself is.”

“I’ve never hurt anyone! I hate Kidd as much as they do, so why do they hate me?...”

“Fear. Kidd’s insanity has caused fear to cover the entire New World. Seeing your name and last known location in the paper is a death wish for the island you were last seen at. I don’t know how these damn journalists keep spotting you no matter what disguise we put you in.”

“It’s like they’re actively looking for me. Why are they so determined to find me? People have been hurt, yet they don’t care!” Guilt starts to eat at you as the thought of countless people getting hurt because of your problems eats at your heart.

“First Heat…now this? Why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this?” You whisper to yourself as you lay your hands on your thighs before gripping your pants tightly. Tears start to whelm in your eyes as you bite your lip. The images of people's faces you’ve never seen before start to pop up in your mind as if to make you suffer more. The survivor's guilt already consumed you after Heat’s death, but now, with having so much more ‘blood’ on your hands, the pain was unbearable.

“Heat? Where have I heard that name before?”

“He was a crewmate on Kidd’s ship. He’s…no longer with us.”

“A Marine kill him? I don’t think I’ve heard of any Kidd Pirates getting sent to Impel Down.”

“No. Kidd did.” Even though you spoke between sobs, SMoker still managed to catch your words. He was stunned to hear such a thing. Killing his own crew? If he can do that without remorse, what else is he willing to do?

“He helped me escape the first time I was stuck with Kidd. He undid the chain that was connected to a collar Kidd had me wear and told me to run. When he saw that I had gotten captured again, he tried to help me again, but…”

“But?”

You ran as fast as you could around teh deck to try and find Heat and Kidd. In the dark, the whole boat felt like a maze. Each passing second was an eternity. How can you find them in time?

“Your fucking stupid to think I wouldn’t notice how you're trying to play hero! At first, I gave you the benefit of the doubt when you let her go the first time. But now, when everything’s good, you're trying to ruin it!” Kidd’s voice rang in your left ear, making you stop in your tracks.

“What are you talking about Kidd? Are you drunk or something?”

“Don’t play dumb! You know damn well what I’m talking about! Your telling (Y/N) shit she doesn’t need to remember! Telling her things that’ll ruin what I’ve worked so hard for! She’s happy, and you want her to be sad?!”

“That’s not happiness, Kidd! Her ‘happiness’ is based on lies! I know I’m not the greatest person. I have skeletons in my closet, but what you're doing is insane!” Hearing Heat bite back makes you dash towards the two voices.

Just then, a few loud thumps accompanied by a cough echoed across the deck. A bang was soon heard right after, and it only made you run faster. When you finally made it to the source, your horrified to see Kidd with his back facing you and a bloody, jagged knife in his hand. In front of him, you see Heat on the deck with his back leaning against the railing. Red starts to seep through his clothes, as you can hear his breathing become erratic. You watched him cough harshly and see droplets of blood shooting out from his mouth.

“I don’t remember asking for your input, Heat. I won’t let you ruin this for me. If only you had minded your business, then none of this would have to happen.” Heat gives Kidd a strong glare before laughing at him. His teeth covered in blood as he smiled at Kidd.

“She’ll find out. It may not be by me, but your house of cards is crumbling, Kidd. She’s gonna find out whether you like it or not.” You can hear Kidd crack his neck at Heat’s words.

“Not to mention, she and the rest of the crew are gonna wonder what’s happened to me. How are you gonna explain that?”

“I can just say you fell overboard. Since your a devil fruit user, you’ll sink to the bottom. The crew will believe it, and so will (Y/N).”

“Doubt it. She’s not stupid, Kidd. She’s gonna remember everything that’s happened. Her home, friends, family, and everything you’ve done to her, she’s gonna remember. And when she does, I’ll be laughing in hell.” You watch Kidd charge at Heat with the knife clutched tightly in his hand.

“No!” Running from your hiding spot, you jump in front of Heat. Despite the fear that coursed through you, you spread your arms out to a T so you can protect him from your knife-wielding lover. Your arrival brought silence among the three of you.

“(Y/N)...” Glancing back to Heat, you see the shock in his eyes. Your heart bleeds as Heats breath becomes more ragged with each second that passes. 

“(Y/N)! What are you doing?! You need to get away from him! He’s working for the Marines! He’s a traitor!” Biting your lip between your teeth, you try not to cry as your lover lies directly in your face so casually. 

A strong, familiar tingling feeling circulated through your arms and legs as you stood in front of Heat. Buzzing rings in your ears as the feeling grows stronger as you anticipate Kidd’s next move.

“Move (Y/N). I’m trying to protect you! He’s going to hurt you, it’s not safe next to him.” Looking into Kidd’s eyes, you stand yoru ground and still stand in his path. You can feel your heart race as he reaches out to you. The feeling of his fingertips from his real arm just barely touching your wrist before a loud ZAP could be heard echoing across the Victoria Punk.

“Son of a bitch!” Kid recoils his hand back and tries brushing it against his red feathered coat. The buzzing of the zap still ringing in your ears as you quickly turn your attention to Heat. You're quick to start inspecting him for more wounds but can only see one. A stab wound dangerously close to the heart but at a perfect position for it to be in the lungs. While Kidd missed the heart, he managed to puncture a lung which could be just as fatal. It also explains the coughing up of blood.

“Heat! Hang on! Everything will be okay! Just give me a second!-”

“Where did you get devil fruit powers?...” You stutter as you try to figure out a lie to say. Yet, you watch Heat give Kidd a bloody smirk. From that, it didn’t take long for Kidd to put two and two together.

“You gave her devil fruit powers?! I’m going to fucking kill you, you bastard!” Your heart almost stops completely as you see Kidd stomping towards the two of you. The way his face looked so sinister made it feel like you were living another nightmare.

Quick to jump to your feet again, you place yourself between Heat and Kidd. The buzzing continued, and you watched as electricity slithers around your arms and legs, helping you give off a threatening aura.

“Don’t you dare hurt him, Kidd!” Despite the electricity covering you, Kidd still reaches out. Just as you watch him reach for your arm, he changes direction and grabs your hair. With a harsh tug, Kidd throws you behind him. Your body hits against the hard wooden deck with a ‘thunk.’

You can feel the air being knocked out of your lungs as tears prickle your eyes. As you struggle to get over the pounding in your head and the ache in your body, you hear Heat cough harshly again. When you open your eyes to look at the two men, your eyes widen in horror as you watch Kidd hold Heat up by the throat. Lifting him to his feet, you see Heat struggle to get Kidd’s metal hand off his throat. 

“Enjoy the bottom of the sea Heat! Say hi to the sea kings that’ll feast on your corpse, will ya?” Jumping to your feet despite still being dizzy, you dash towards Kidd and Heat. But just as you took three steps in, you watched as Kidd threw Heat against the railing, making him tumble over it and fall off the boat. 

Running to the railing and praying that he’s simply hanging on, your hopes were crushed as soon as you heard the heartbreaking sound of water splashing. Leaning over the edge to see if you could throw him a rope, you only had time to see bubbles rising to the water's surface before Kidd grabbed you by the hair and began to drag you away.

“Kidd found out about it. My devil fruit powers wouldn’t be a thing if it weren’t for Heat. If it wasn’t for him, who knows how long I would have been stuck with Kidd and his web of lies.”

“How long has it been since his death?” While he could see that this was obviously a sensitive topic for you, perhaps if you spoke about it, it might loosen whatever burden his death has caused.

“A week had passed after his death when you guys found me. So, as long as I’ve been here plus a week.” Letting out a hum, Smoker continued to listen.

“It’s all my fault…If only I had been more careful then maybe he’d still be here. He’d still be alive instead of at the bottom of the sea.”

“I watched Kidd kill him. I saw Kidd kill the only friend I had and there was nothing I could do about it!”

‘That explains a lot. There’s a lot more layers of trauma she hasn’t told me or Tashigi about. If there's something that traumatic she’s keeping to herself, what else could be going on inside that she’s not talking about?’

“There are times when I feel like he’s haunting me. I see him sometimes in my nightmares. Or times when I’m leaning against the railing and go to look down at the sea only to see Heat standing beside me. But when I go to check if he’s really there, it’s always an empty space. I’ve caught glimpses of him staring at me through the crowd. People walk back and forth and I see him staring at me. But then somebody walks in front of him, and then he’s gone!” Smoker watches as your body shakes and tears begin pouring down your face. You grip your uniform pants even harder as you try to stabilize yourself as you begin to hyperventilate.

“Every time I see him, I don’t see the Heat I know. I see him as a corpse. No matter what he’s always just staring at me with lifeless eyes. It always looks like he’s…”

“At the bottom of the sea?”

“Yeah. Down there.” A minute os silence passes before SMoker speaks.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty for his death. From how much you’ve told me, it sounds like he knew the risks that came with trying to set you free. That he’d be putting his own life in danger to help yours. Do you think he’d want you to feel guilty for a sacrifice he was willing to make?”

“No.”

“Then don’t blame yourself for something that someone did of their own free will.”

“Yes, Vice Admiral.” While Smoker knew a single sentence wouldn’t fix all the trauma Heat’s death had obviously caused, he supposed it was better to get it off your chest. With Heat’s death, along with the people Kidd’s hurt in your name lingering in your mind, he can’t imagine the toll it’s taken on you.

~~~

Today’s the day. According to Tashigi, you guys should be at Sabaody before 3 pm. After months of training and pregnancy, along with your time with Kidd, you’ll finally be able to return to the Straw Hats.

It feels unreal. Almost as if it’s a dream. Yet, the dangers of Sabaody didn’t slip your mind. Bounty hunters, potential civilians willing to hunt you down, and the navy waiting to use you as bait. All odds were against you.

You did know the sunny was docked at tree 41, so maybe you could have G-5 bring you close but not too close to the sunny? The closer you are to it, the safer it’ll be for you. Well, you and the baby.

Not a second goes by where it’s not on your mind. Any time you move, you have to be cautious you don’t hit your tummy on anything. Eating foods became a test as foods you used to love, you now despise. Now, you're studying foods that are healthy for the baby and what’s not. Anything an over-paranoid pregnant woman does, you did. Even though you're gonna give up the baby for adoption when the time comes, you are gonna make sure the baby is healthy. 

There was a nagging feeling that ate at you whenever you were alone. Sometimes, you could feel the baby kick whenever you tapped your belly purposefully or on accident. It was as if they were responding to you. If they could feel the vibrations from a simple tap, could they also hear you talk about not wanting them? Even if six months old, what if? You knew it was impossible for them to understand you, but the nagging feeling never went away. 

Maybe when you reunite with the Straw Hats, that nagging feeling will fade away.

~~~

Another art thing. not really proud of it but it is what it is

[ctitan98official]

Alcina’s long lost child AU: Y/N is an emotionless soldier for B.S.A.A. part 3

Here’s part 3! Read the last part here! An interesting conversation takes place between Y/N and Alcina. Let’s get into it!

“So, tell me all about yourself, little one,” Alcina says gently, leaning forward with great interest to hear what you have to say.

You regard her silently for a moment before you say anything. “Actually, I’m more interested in you at the moment,” You tell her. It’s not a lie, and… You don’t plan on giving her any information unless she does the same first. Besides, she seems like the kind of person who would love to talk about herself. Might as well capitalize on that.

Alcina smirks at your response. You’re smart. Keeping your cards close to your chest? She would do the same in your situation. She decides to humor you. “Well, I was born in this village, however, I’ve travelled all over the world,” She begins. “I used to sing in a jazz band. It was amazing getting to be in a different city every night, but… That was quite a long time ago…” She trails off, remembering just how old she is and internally groaning.

You quirk an eyebrow at this. “What made you come back?” You ask.

Alcina sighs and smiles sadly at you. “Love, I suppose?” She answers. When Miranda found her and promised to heal her from the illness that plagued her all of her life… She was truthfully less motivated by a potential cure and more infatuated with the mysterious blonde. She almost rolls her eyes at how silly and impulsive she had been.

Your eyes narrow at this. You don’t think she’s married, she’s not wearing a ring or anything, but is there someone else living in this castle other than servants? That would certainly be valuable intel. “Are you with this person? Or… Do you live alone?” You ask.

Alcina decides to leave Miranda out of her answer entirely. “I am actually incredibly fortunate. I have three lovely daughters… And one other precious child,” She tells you, indescribable hurt suddenly clouding her eyes.

You’re puzzled by the cryptic tone Alcina’s voice adopts. Why did she look so sad when she mentioned her last child? “So, three daughters. But, does… This other child live here too?” You ask.

Alcina’s eyes sting as she thinks about the baby she had to give up. “I’m afraid not, little one… I… Had to send them away. To protect them from their other parent,” She reveals bitterly.

Your eyes widen just a bit in surprise. That reminds you of… Yourself. While you don’t know much about your biological parents, Umbrella had a ton of information on them. They compiled multiple files when they got their hands on you. Scientists gave you little shreds of insight here and there, but all you know for sure is that you were the product of two powerful bioweapons. Apparently, one of your parents was very dangerous. You don’t know much about the other one, though. You clear your throat awkwardly, trying to stop remembering your past, and look back at Alcina. “It seems like you love your kid a lot. I know firsthand that it sucks to grow up with people who don’t care about you. But, I hope they found a good home, at least,” You offer quietly.

Alcina’s heart clenches at your words. “You didn’t grow up with your own parents, little one?” She asks. It’s awful to know that you had a difficult childhood, but oddly enough, that flicker of hope is starting to reignite within her. There’s still a chance that you’re hers, however small it may be.

You blankly shake your head. “No. I’m… Different. Well, my parents were. I don’t seem to have their… Abilities,” You tell her. “My childhood was basically one big experiment thanks to them.”

A strange feeling settles itself in Alcina’s chest at your statement. “What… Do you mean by abilities, little one?” She asks.

“You… Weren’t always like this, were you?” You ask her, gesturing to her large stature.

“No,” She whispers, silently urging you to continue.

“Well, was there some kind of… Accident? Or… Maybe even a procedure that happened before you changed?” You question.

Alcina nods emphatically. “Yes, exactly, little one. But, where are you going with this?” She asks, feeling her heart rate pick up. Maybe… You really could be…

“My biological parents were like that too. Apparently, one of them was very dangerous. The organization who did all of the experiments on me as a kid thought I might be the same,” You explain. “That’s why they were so interested in me. They wanted to use me as a weapon.”

——————————————————————————

As your conversation with Alcina unfolds, Chris is eating a snack in the kitchen that a maid put together. The atmosphere in the room is rather uncomfortable.

Little maids come in and out to do their work and try to act like they don’t see him… But their curious gazes and hushed whispers to each other give them away.

As much as he wants to be in the room with you and the lady of the castle, Chris knows you can handle yourself.

However, he soon gets a rather disturbing message from B.S.A.A.

“Captain Redfield. This is B.S.A.A. headquarters. Do you copy?” A voice urgently asks over his earpiece.

Chris immediately answers. “Chris Redfield, here. I copy,” He says and stands up to go find a more private place to talk.

“You’re accompanying agent Y/N L/N in Romania, correct?”

Chris feels a knot forming in his stomach at the question. “Yes, I am,” He answers tightly.

“Agent Y/L is an immediate danger to you and Hound Wolf Squad. You all must vacate the area now, Captain,” The voice says gravely.

Chris’s blood runs cold. Where the hell is this coming from? “W-what? I… Y/N just graduated basic training. This is their first mission, there’s no way that-”

“New information about agent L/N’s origins were just discovered after an examination of an old Umbrella site. They have been classified as an extreme threat and you must evacuate. That’s an order, Captain,” The voice commands. “An evac helicopter will be there to extract you in ten minutes. If you are not on board, you will be charged with dereliction of duty. Do you understand?”

Chris can’t even believe what he’s hearing. However, B.S.A.A. have always been strict enforcers. He’ll pretend to go along with orders for now, but only because he needs to get a little more information. Then… Maybe he can save you? Either way, he’s not leaving you all alone. He’ll die before he lets that happen.

“I understand. I’ll be on that helicopter,” He bites out. “But first… What can you tell me about Y/N?”

Note: Uh-oh… Wonder what B.S.S.A. found out about Y/N? XD Hope you enjoyed!

Masterlist

[thestoryden]

A Burning Cole

Jacaerys Velaryon x Cole!Reader

Warnings: Violence, Tension, Language

Word Count: 3k

A/N: This started out like any other request, but it took on a life of its own. I have been writing bits of this all week, and I looked at the date and it was Sunday. I figured I should post it at least part of it before the end of the week. There will be a second part in the future. Thank you for reading, much love.

Masterlist / Taglist / Requests: Open

Your sword clashes with Aemond’s, the metal sings. He again swings and you catch his blade with your hilt. He locks his hilt with yours and uses it as a brace. The dirt of the training yard goes up in a puff of dust as he pushes you down to the ground. The point of his weapon is inches from your face.

“Well done, Cole.” He congratulates you.

He lowers his blade and sticks out his hand. You grab on to it and he brings you to your feet. You loosen the tie from your thick dark hair to let it down and shake out the sweat. Besting Aemond would be no easy feat, but you knew if you did that, he would allow you to fight along side him in the future.

Ser Criston comes into the court yard. He motions for both of you to come over. Criston’s face looks rather serious.

“Father,” You greet him.

“You must go get ready we have just received word that Rhaenyra has landed.” He commands.

“But we are training.” You protest.

“Yes, and the Crown must be ready.” He says firmly.

“I am only a ward of the Crown, my readiness does not-.” You argue

“Go,” He orders.

His face has such a stern look to it. You had not remembered it looking like that for some time. You do not take the time to wish Aemond good bye, not wanting to incur further wrath from your father. Instead, you hurry to your room.

Your shoes slap against the stone walkways as you run. You slip through the wooden door to be met with a very unhappy servant. You grimace as she puts her hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry Celia, I got caught up in training.” You say weakly.

She gives you a disapproving look and then sits you down in a chair. She hands you a wet rag and works on drawing your hair into a tight bun with a single braid running to it on the side. You wipe the grime and sweat from your body as you huff.

“This is pointless I am wasting time I could be training.” You complain.

Celia flicks the back of your ear. You scoff. With any other noble person, she would have been punished for her slight, but you were a bit different. You had grown up with Celia running around the streets of Kingslanding, both of you were fishermen’s children.

Or at least Celia was, it had been apparent when you were born that your dark hair was not from either of your parents. When you had come in to your sixth year it had become to much for your family to bear, your father insisted you be taken to whoever had sired you. Your mother complied and that fateful day you had found yourself in the training yard face to face with Ser Criston Cole. Your mother had always told you knights were brave and gallant. You had never met one other than the gold cloaks and so you believed her.

Ser Criston took you in and told you that evening you would go to pray. You watched him train the young princelings all day. When evening came and the sun set Criston took you to a court yard. There was a huge tree there that branched out over the whole area. He kneeled on the grass with you and took your little hand in his. You still remembered his words.

“It is a terrible life to live as a bastard, so we will pray to the gods that your life will be good, in the next.”

He had you close your eyes and guided you through a prayer one to the old gods and one to the new. He then held you tight to him. The metal of his armor felt cold and suddenly white hot pain in your back contrasted it. That is when a voice called out.

“Stop this!”

You looked up to see a young woman with brown hair. She was dressed in a green gown with a large silhouette.

“Is she yours?”

You watched as Ser Criston looked down at you. He wiped away tears from your face and then his own.

“Do not worry, I will take care of this.”

The woman took Ser Criston’s white cloak, wrapped you in it, and picked you up. They carried you to the maesters and you survived your wound. It took many maester and many stitches and the woman held your hand through the whole ordeal. The woman you would later learn was the queen. You took such favor with her after that night that it resulted in the crown legitimizing you.

You snap back to reality and Celia has finished your hair. She combs down the fly aways and uses a scented oil. It smells like roses and thyme.

“Is that really necessary?” You sigh.

“Yes,” She says, “You might even catch one of the prince’s eyes.”

“I’d rather not,” You say, “I hardly think they’ll remember me. It has been years.”

Celia turns to your bed, “I did the best I could on short notice, but the queen was very particular about how she wanted you dressed”

You huff, “So no pants?”

“No pants.” She affirms.

You stand up and go to the bed. Three green gowns lay on top of the covers. One with gold embroidery, another with a stiff silver collar, and the last is such a dark green it almost looks black. You pick it up and hold it to your body.

“Think I will blend in with the whole family?” You giggle.

Celia ignores your comment and starts preparing the dress. You strip off your clothes and allow her to fit you in to the dress. She straightens it out and goes to fetch a necklace. She takes out a thin gold chain with a small seven-pointed star on it. You removed your own necklace and turn it over in your hand. It is similar but your star is carved from a particular kind of wood and looped on a steel chain. She trades you and you fasten the gold one around your neck.

“It is important to look unified.” Celia reminds you.

She mumbles something about needing more green and begins rummaging through a small chest. She pulls out all manners of ribbons and baubles and begins attempting to match them with what you are wearing. She is determined to make you look like a presentable lady. She decides to pin velvet ribbons in to your bun. She is fishing through the chest again when there is a knock at the door.

A small serving girl peeks in, “My lady Queen Alicent has requested you wait with the princess.”

“Yes, I will go soon.” You reply.

She leaves and you look to Celia.

“Are we finished yet?”

She looks you over and her face goes pale.

“Shit, I forgot your underskirts, the silhouette will not have enough volume.”

“It is fine, I’ll be able to access my weapons better.”

You begin strapping your weapons to your body. First your daggers around your upper legs, you check to make sure the handles fall just below the edge of the pocket slits in your gown. You carefully tuck your knives into their slots just underneath your sleeves. They are thin and made of a single piece of metal so they are barely noticeable under your cuffs.

“No sword this time?” Celia notes, “You’ll almost look like a real lady.”

“I highly doubt anyone will mistake me for such.” You jest back.

You say your farewells and head to Princess Helaena’s apartments.  When you get to her door you can here wailing from the children’s room. You enter into her room and see her pinning a creature to a board.

“Helaena? Is everything alright?” You ask.

She brushes a stray bit of hair from her face, “Yes, the children had a rough morning.”

Her face is slightly flushed and her brow is wrinkled.

“As have you by the looks of it.” You comment, “Come, let us walk the grounds you need air.”

“It is just dreams that trouble me,” She retorts, “Besides, I am not finished pinning this.”

You pause for a moment, “I will help you catch bugs in the garden.”

She looks up at you with a grin and dashes off to get a stack of small boxes. You take two of them in your arm and link your other arm with hers as you head down the hall. After some time of navigating the hallways, you find yourself outside.

“This is not the way to the garden.” Helaena objects.

“No, but the training ground has beetles.” You say.

“I never thought of that.” She replies.

When you step into the dirt yard. You see Aemond practicing with Ser Criston. Practicing may not be the right word the are so focused in that it could count as a duel. A group gathers around them to watch them move back and forth. You leave Helaena to join the circle. Across from you two boys watch the intricate frighting. Finally, Aemond catches Criston’s mistake and then Aemond take the opportunity to put Criston at sword point. The nobles all clap.

“Well done, my prince.” Ser Criston congratulates him, “You will win tourneys in no time.”

“I don’t give a shit about tourneys.” Aemond bites back.

You hold in laughter. Aemond switches focus.

“Nephews, have you come to train?” He asks.

Your eyes are drawn to the older of the pair. He has warm brown hair and soft eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but is cut short by the Velaryons arriving. Everyone turns to watch their arrival. You find it strange that despite being Velaryons the princes arrived separately. The older boy whips back to the dispersing circle and catches you staring at him. You lock eyes with him and it causes you to tense up. He peers more intently and starts to make his way towards you. Aemond steps in front of him, blocking his path.

“Training?” Aemond asks.

“Yes, just give me one moment.” He replies.

He weaves around Aemond and then is standing so close you are practically toe to toe with him. He looks into your eyes and a small smile works its way up his lips. Irritation spreads across Aemond’s face.

“I said would you like to train?” Aemond repeats, his voice deepening.

“Just a moment Aemond.” Jacaerys replies.

He offers out his hand. You breathe and try to remember all of the courtly manners Celia had hammered in to your brain. You gently place your hand in his. He takes your hand and kisses the back. You withdraw it with an unwelcoming grimace.

“I didn’t catch your name.” Jacaerys comments.

“You can call me Cole.” You say shortly.

“That is an unusually name for a girl.” He replies.

“It is my house name, the only one of my names that should matter to you.” You snip back.

Aemond has no patience for this pageantry. He puts his sword to the prince’s back. Jacaerys stiffens where he stands. He smiles sheepishly.

“A moment Lady Cole.” He says tightly.

“We do not have all day, Nephew.” Aemond says, “Let us train or let us be done.”

“Yes, let’s.” Jacaerys says, “Lady Cole, do you care to watch us?”

“My apologies, I promised Princess Helaena, I would accompany her in the gardens.” You reply.

“What a shame, I guess I will have to meet you there then.” Jacaerys says coolly.

“I guess you will.” You say politely.

You walk off towards Helaena. You finally take in a breath and realize that your face is heating up. Helaena is looking at a plant trying to catch something.

“My princess, should we venture towards the gardens?” You ask.

She looks up at you her eyes almost glazed over, “Yes.”

She begins muttering to herself. You help her up from the ground and place your hand on her back to guide her. She seems as though she is in a trance.

When you make it to the garden Helaena’s state has not improved. There are attendants flitting about the gardens, you wave one over and ask for pillows to be brought for the princess. You help Helaena lay down on a bench as the attendant places pillows under her. You sigh and sit down on the pathway. You struggle to fix your skirts the way you want to.

“Damn this dress.” You curse.

Helaena stirs slightly, but then goes back to her words. They fall out in strings like poetry, but you can not make sense of them. You sigh and put your head in your lap. You often find yourself worried about the state of your host family. They raised you and made you what you are, but you know your love would not hold them together forever. Everything seems to be fraying at the seams. You feel a hand rest on your shoulder.

“Lady Cole?” The voice asks gently, “Are you alright?”

You look up and Jacaerys is looking down at you. You run your hands over your face and sniffle.

“Prince Jacaerys, I am fine.” You reply weakly.

He helps you to your feet and looks over to the princess.

“Is she alright?” He asks, gesturing towards the bench.

You brush off your dress and see that Helaena has fallen asleep.

“She will be, I will have a guard carry her to her apartments.”

You have an attendant fetch a kingsguard and he carries her away.

“Does that happen often?” Jacaerys asks.

“I wish it were not so, but the princess is often plagued by dreams.” You reply.

Your face falls. You realize you have said to much, made the Crown look weak.

“Pardon me, I did not mean the princess is flawed or” You try to keep up with your thoughts.

“No one is infallible,” Jacaerys says, “Well except for me.”

A smile breaks out on his face and you find it infects you and spreads across your own. You laugh a little.

“Your words are a great comfort, my prince.” You whisper.

“Jace is fine.” He replies, “You are a ward of the crown after all.”

“What do you mean by that?” You ask pointedly.

“Well, you are the crown’s responsibility, and by extension my responsibility as I am the future heir.” Jacaerys replies, “I would want to be familiar with someone who was my responsibility.”

You blush, “You are too kind, my, um, Jace.”

“Your Jace?” He pokes.

Your face gets even hotter.

“I suppose I wouldn’t mind being your Jace.” He smiles tenderly.

“It is beneath my station,” You say embarrassed.

“Maybe, for now.” He says a hint of curiosity in his voice, “But I could change that.”

“Your joke has gone too far,” You seethe.

You run off down the path.

“Wait!” Jacaerys calls after you.

He chases you through the gardens. Knocking over attendants and breaking flowers off bushes. You are quite a bit faster than him, but eventually you collapse under a large apple tree. Exhaustion grips your body and you can barely keep your eyes open. The sun makes your face feel warm and you cannot keep yourself upright. When Jacaerys catches up to you he finds you curled up under the tree.

He gently shakes you awake. You groan and he slips his arm under you helping you sit up. Your eyes open and you see his face looking down at you with concern.

“Please, I do not wish to be tortured anymore by your cruel jokes.” You beg faintly.

“It was not a joke,” He implores you, “I was genuinely struck by your beauty this morning in the yard.”

You are not sure whether to look up at him or chastise him for being so brazen.

“Besides I have no other half yet.” Jacaerys whispers.

He stands and reaches up towards a hanging branch. He plucks an apple from it. He sits back down with you and splits the apple in two. He offers you one of the halves. You accept it.

“You must think me a true lady.” You laugh.

You think Celia would be very proud that all her training and work brought you to this moment. Ensnared with a prince, the future heir no less.

“Are you not?” Jacaerys questions.

“Well, my attendant had done her best to make me look like one, but in reality, I spend most days in the training yard fighting.”

You take one of the flat knives from underneath your cuff and cut out the core of the apple. You bite into the apple and sweet juice sprays into your mouth. Jacaerys tilts his head to the side.

“Well, you look quite refined.” He smiles sweetly.

You open your mouth to speak but are cut short, by a very out of breath squire. He huffs and tries to get out words.

“Gods, boy, just speak.” Jacaerys laughs.

“Cole, Aemond, wants you in the training yard.” He coughs out.

“Well, my other prince calls.” You sass.

You drag yourself to your feet, and slip your arms under that of the fumbling squire. You help him to a near by attendant and arrange for him to be cared for. You hear shoes hitting the pavement then coming to an abrupt stop behind you.

“Wait when will I see you again?” Jacaerys asks.

“I suppose, you could watch me practice this evening, Jace.” You reply coolly.

“At least let me accompany you to your apartments.” He insists.

“How could I refuse.” You say sarcastically.

He loops his arm with yours as you walk through the garden together. You feel the eyes of the lords and ladies of the court. Even a few attendants’ stare. You hold your head up high.

“We must be quite the spectacle.” Jacaerys laughs uneasily.

You tire greatly of their vicious stares that you have been fighting off since the day you arrived at the palace. Trying to blend in the best you could with what little knowledge you had of court politics. Today that changes, you decide to lean in to it and you rest your head against Jacaerys’ shoulder. A small choir of gasps come from the garden.

“Is something the matter?” Jacaerys whispers.

“No, just in love I think.” You reply with a smile.

Taglist: @sinlist @isabel2you @cedricsleftelbow @groovyponypatrollamp @ofherscarlettwitchways @aprilsimonsstuff @tnu-ree @pinkydevil16 @guijh103 @severewobblerlightdragon @thegirlnextdoorssister @thanyatargaryen @zgzgzh @fultimefangirl @esposadomd @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @missusnora @eonnyx @winxschester

[mostlymaudlin]

okay. can neil sing? can any of the foxes sing? thoughts pleSe

okay i am not very good at Music stuff beyond just liking it, so i had to consult with my more musical friends @sillyunicorn and @starwarned ...i have a more informed opinion now. and im going to express it thru narrative, bc im me:

hold on to that feelin'

andreil, rated t, 1k

it’s been almost ten years since the palmetto state foxes won the ncaa championships and changed the world of exy. 

neil knew there would be things that would happen — sports fans love an anniversary. but he thought maybe they’d do a ceremony back in palmetto, or a magazine write-up or something.

he had not expected a film studio to want to make a whole documentary on the subject. he had not expected to learn this news on a call with ichirou, who had told him in no uncertain terms that neil would agree to do the film, and that he would be as personable and camera-friendly as he could muster. 

neil had especially not expected the filming to involve… karaoke. 

it’s one of several excursions the crew has taken the old team on this weekend. the film will include interviews and old footage, but it will also be interspersed with clips of the team “hanging out.”

“the bond you all created is part of the narrative of your win,” the director told them. “we want to capture the fact that you were the first team of foxes that actually got along.”

no one corrects this narrative. the documentary is going to be the hollywood version of neil’s freshman year. it’s going to be sunshine and rainbows and campfires and bumper cars and, apparently karaoke.

“i’ve never done this before,” neil says, holding the microphone awkwardly. 

“andrew!” nicky chides. “you’re the one responsible for giving him Real Boy lessons — how could you have deprived him of karaoke?”

andrew is lounging on one of the sofas in the small room they’re all crowded into, scrolling through the song selection to pick something for neil.  “yes, because karaoke is something i obviously consider essential to the human experience."

“raise your hand if you’ve done karaoke before,” allison says. she’d gone first, singing a show tune that drew complaints from half the room in a booming, enthusiastic voice. everyone except neil and kevin lifts a palm — including a reluctant andrew. “okay, yes, this makes sense. kevin, you’re next.”

andrew stops scrolling. “you know this one,” he tells neil. “just follow the lyrics on the screen.”

the title and artist flash up on the screen, but neil doesn’t recognize them. he slides andrew a look, but andrew only gestures impatiently back to the screen. 

just a small town girl

livin’ in a lonely word

“oh,” neil says, finally recognizing the song despite the instrumental version playing. “i do know this.”

“then sing it!” dan says. 

“just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit…”

neil sings. he can’t remember if he’s ever tried before, and he’s not sure if it’s going as intended. a couple of foxes laugh, and he’s self-aware to know that’s probably a bad sign. but whatever. how many of them made the us court? neil knows what he’s good at. and he’s done enough terrible commercial acting gigs to appease ichirou that he doesn’t much care about how bad he is at this type of shit. 

the others join in for the chorus and carry him through to the end. the cameras are rolling, and neil can admit that he’s kind of having fun. he is killing this camera-friendly thing. he is definitely not going to get a knife to the gut this time around. 

when he’s done, he turns back to the room. it’s quiet for a second, and then allison cackles so hard that she nearly falls off her stool. nicky and matt join in immediately. dan stands to give neil a hug, but she’s laughing too. renee hides her smile behind her hand.

“yeah, yeah,” neil says, waving them all off. he holds the mic out. “kevin, your turn.” 

kevin puts on an air of confidence when he struts up to the makeshift stage. he chooses a song by the black-eyed peas, and his stance is rigid and determined as the music starts.

“i think i know this one too,” neil whispers to andrew once he sits down in the narrow space between him and matt. andrew knocks his elbow into neil’s side, shushing him.

hmmm. kevin doesn’t sound quite like the song that neil’s heard on the radio. he turns around once he’s done, glaring at the room, daring them to react. they do, anyway. 

“there, i did it,” kevin says, dropping the mic to the floor and stomping off.

renee mostly sounds like she’s talking when she sings "hallelujah," but she smiles through the whole thing, so there’s less ridicule involved. matt and nicky give and energetic duet on a shania twain song that neil has heard each of them singing in the shower at different points before, and alison says it makes her ears bleed. aaron earns a surprised slow clap after singing “someone like you” by adele — “a doctor who played exy and can SING… maybe katelyn isn’t settling after all,” nicky comments. dan goes all out for a whitney houston song. 

“are you going to go?” neil asks andrew when nicky takes the stage for a second time. 

“absolutely not,” andrew murmurs, eyes on his cousin. neil huffs a laugh, but settles against andrew’s side to watch the rest of the madness.

later, when neil and andrew are back at the hotel, neil crawls across the bed to where andrew is sitting. andrew pulls neil in by the collar of his shirt for a kiss.

“aaron can sing,” neil says against andrew’s mouth. 

andrew shoves him back, making a face. “and?”

“is it genetic?”

“i don’t know.”

“hmmm,” neil says, flopping onto his back beside andrew. “i’ve never heard you sing. i’m curious now.”

“that’s because i don’t sing,” andrew says. 

neil sighs, knowing a dead end when he sees one. “fine.”

he gets up to get ready for bed, and then nearly dozes off when andrew takes his turn in the bathroom. he blinks a few times when andrew crowds against neil’s back, pressing kisses to the side of neil’s neck. neil is nearly asleep again when andrew’s voice pulls him back, soft and slow:

“blackbird singing in the dead of night

take these broken wings and learn to fly…”

neil doesn’t really know what constitutes as good or bad. but he knows that he likes the sound of andrew’s voice. he wraps his fingers around andrew’s wrist where is lays on him stomach, and andrew goes quiet again.

“keep going?” neil requests, voice only a whisper.

andrew heaves a sigh. 

“all your life,

you were only waiting for this moment to arise…”

[piratefishmama]

I got tagged in a questions thingy.

by: @w1ll0wtr33  thanks sweets!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope, my name was in fact a mistake made by a nurse! It was supposed to be a hyphenated combination of my first and middle name, but the person doing the birth certificate made an error.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Like… fully? Uhm. August? The day before my dad got out of the hospital I had a full blown panic attack cause I knew I’d be alone in taking care of his asshole self and wasn’t prepared to do that. There was crying involved in that.

3. do you have kids?

I would sooner rip my own uterus and womb out, Netflix Witcher style than have children.

Storytime: My mum once bought me a £75 stroller and doll, an this was years ago, like, single digits age range so that was EXPENSIVE for the time (fuck man, it’s expensive now lmao), I… left it out as far away from the house as I, at my age, could... in the rain. An it was all silk and satin material so it was well and truly fucked.

They stopped expecting eventual grandchildren from me very early on in my life.

4. What sports do you/have you play/played?

Does archery count? I feel like archery should count lmao I do archery, and I used to do ju-jitsu, I have medals somewhere for ju-jitsu, god knows where though my medals were never worth keeping track of apparently. My brother's are in his old room.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Fluently.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

That they’ve invaded my carefully curated alone time and thus have become my enemy.

7. what’s your eye colour?

Hazel, with more green than brown.

They're also my favourite eye colour too! there’s so many variations of it, do you have more green or brown in it? is there a ring of darker colour around your iris or not? Hazel has so many variations it’s such a pretty eye colour to have and it changes. Hazel eyes are magic.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Thanks to my truly stellar vivid imagination and Childhood Trauma™️, I cannot watch scary movies. At least not ones that have plausibility. Like they could happen. Because for some reason, everytime I watch one of those, my brain ever so lovingly decides to recreate the movie in the form of a nightmare where all the starring cast are people I actually care about an I’m just. watching them all die.

It's never fun. And I can never escape it. Even waking up, if I go to sleep, I will go right back into that nightmare, there’s no escape.

9. any talents?

Many! i have ADHD and autism, I have so many random skills. The only one I can reliably do on command though is writing. I can draw, paint, sew, sing, dance, and many others… sometimes, but the only one I can reliably do without fail, is write.

10. where were you born?

Britain. You don’t get closer than that I ain’t about to dox myself.

11. what are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, video games, creating shit.

12. do you have any pets?

Hope and Shadow are my two dogs, you all know them by now I’m sure. I have a shitton of tropical fish in tanks both upstairs and down, I did have a very smol bird but I had to put him up for adoption as unfortunately he and Hope simply did not get along, she made him very anxious and he made her hungry for bird.

13. how tall are you?

I’m tiny, 4’11.

14. favourite subject in school?

English. I had a great teacher. It would have been art but unfortunately I hated my teacher, and my teacher hated me and that made the lessons very uncomfortable.

15. dream job?

I would love to work with animals. Animals are easier than people.

And no, i'm not tagging people.

[bitchysoulwasteland]

Thranduil X Half!Dwarf Half!Elleth reader

···

GIF by the-butterfly-blues

GIF by leepace71

Thranduil didn't exactly like the idea that his wife's father was an absolute arsehole Thorin Oakenshield. He also didn't like the idea that he had to invite quite a few dwarves into his halls, but they were your halls too, and you had wanted to get the two races together. You were the Queen of Mirkwood and first in line for the throne of Durin.

Your father had had relations with an elleth later in times when Thranduil's father had still been on the throne. The elleth had been banished when King Oropher had found that the Captain Of The Guard. His guard. Was pregnant with a halfling. Especially a dwarf halfling.

The banished elleth was your mother.

Thranduil remembered her banishment as if it was yesterday, even if it was hundreds of years ago.

His father sat high upon his throne, looking upon the elleth as if she were nothing but an ant under his boot that had to be stepped on. "You have disappointed me, Rhawien. You have served my wife and I, as well as this kingdom for a great amount of time. I wish these were other circumstances. But, you have done something that goes against the very culture of elves. Therefore, you shall be banished from these halls and Greenwood for the rest of your time."

Thranduil watched as, with a nod of his head, two guards dragged your mother out of Greenwood as she begged for them to stop. To let her have the child then leave. Thranduil knew his father would never be that merciful. She was lucky enough that he was allowing her to leave rather than be killed straight away.

The prince had searched for years for the elleth, Rhawien. Forests, caves, mountains, but to no avail. He felt as though he was respnsible for getting her back into the kingdom. He'd had many argument with his father before his death about this, but his father, as usual, didn't listen. His search had to end when he was crowned king, his freedom somewhat ending with the search.

He had no idea that, when he met you, his search would finally be over.

He had met your father and you long before he had been with the company, (as you were already married, had given birth and raised Legolas by then) but never your mother. He had questioned you why, and you had told him. She had died a few years after you had been born, in battle, never to be seen again. Your father had removed any memory of her whatsoever from the mountain halls, but still she lingered in your mind. As if she was your guardian angel, always looking after you. He could understand the pain that Thorin had endured both after your mother's death and raising you with out a mother's touch. That was what his father had to do. He was just glad that you hadn't been taken from him whilst raising Legolas.

The king was pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of singing. He knew that both you and Legolas knew old dwarfish songs, as you used to sing them to him as a child, but what everyone was singing was one he had never herd. Apparently, Legolas knew it as he was singing from beside you.

"Ooooh! You hear that, lads? He said we'll blunt the knives!

… Blunt the knives, bend the forks Smash the bottles and burn the corks Chip the glasses and crack the plates That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

… Cut the cloth, tread on the fat Leave the bones on the bedroom mat Pour the milk on the pantry floor Splash the wine on every door!

… Dump the crocks in a boiling bowls Pound them up with a thumping pole When you're finished if they are whole Send them down the hall to roll

… That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

He saw you beaming whilst you sang, glass of wine in hand. 'Trust you to get drunk with the dwarves.' he thought as you turned to have a conversation with Bilbo, who was grinning as the music continued.

[yourkimjaejin]

NCT 127: The Lost Boys - Moxy's Cut

Italics - animation, song lyrics | Indentation - In person interview | Bold - English

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Over clips of Moxy at practice and backstage, here's some of the things the members said about her.

"She's like the heartbeat of 127" ~ Johnny "Moxy is always willing to help. She's been there for me more times than I can count" ~ Doyoung "I say this proudly- Moxy's my twin. We share a lot of similarities. We always end up staying up late and talking about anything and everything" ~ Mark "She's my precious noona." ~ Haechan "Every time I see her perform I'm in awe." ~ Jaehyun "They're aren't many people I consider born to perform. But Moxy is one of them like Mark and Taeyong. She was born to be on stage." ~ Yuta "I don't say stuff like this often but Moxy is truly the cutest member of 127." ~ Taeil "I'm really close with Moxy. We were put in similar situations when joining 127. She let me cling to her until I felt comfortable standing on my own two feet" ~ Jungwoo

The sound of a ticking clock rang out as the ten moved around the circle riser. One member made her way to the empty seat at the top when she stumbled. Moxy looked on shocked. When she turned around, her members were far away from where she stood. A vision in the distance

A finger tapped her forearm. She looked down to see a young face that looked like her. Bouncy curls and all.

"What are you doing here?" The tiny human pointed to the empty chair, "Your seats over there." Mini Moxy grabs Moxys hand. "Why don't we walk together." Hand in hand the two girls take a couple steps forward.

"You didn't have to take this path right?"

"No....No I didn't"

I had options before I chose to become an idol. I could have been on Broadway. I could have been a cheerleader or a dancer. Hell I could have started gymnastics but something about this....seemed right.

Before I even got to Korea I was in a children's theater troop and singing lessons, all taught by the same woman. Dancing didn't really enter my life until later. My family and I went to my dads alma mater to seeing the first football game of the season. My cousin was attending the school and this game was her first performance with the bands dancers. The proper term is majorettes. My mom helped me find her when they entered the field. Once the performance started I was hooked. I knew I wanted to dance too. I wanted to perform in front of a crowd just like my cousin. It was actually her who suggested cheerleading to my mom.

When I got scouted, apparently my mom refused to let me go. She didn't want her only daughter in a forgiven country no matter how much family was there. I really think she just didn't want me to be so far away from her. The day I left, we both didn't cry at all. We were joking and laughing. She gave me a hand written book of Korean phrases I would need.

"According to my dad, my mom burst into burst into tears once I disappeared through security. I never told her but as soon as the plane took off, I started sobbing. It was like reality set in."

Moxy and her Mini me kept walking forward

"When's the first time you wanted to quit." They both stopped. The lights shut off then flash back on. In front of them a younger, yet older Moxy stood in front of a group of girls dressed like Red Velvet doing the dance for Happiness. Teenager Moxy looks on disgusted.

My teachers gave me a nickname during my training. They called me 상어, or shark in Korean. They gave me that name because of the way I progressed in dance training. They said I was like a shark on a feeding frenzy. I attacked anything put in front of me.

I was a cheerleader for year so I was used to learning choreographies fast. While other trainees took weeks to learn a dance. It took me days. Obviously you start at the beginning classes but within...four months, my teachers knew I could move up to a more advanced class. But whoever signs off on those class changes wouldn't let me. They didn't like that a foreigner was out performing the others. but my favorite teacher did the next best thing.

They gave me hard choreos to learn. Made me dance while singing. Made me create dances to songs as an extra assignment for monthly evaluations. My favorite teacher, Lee seongsaengnim, told me if i kept going I would be on the level of 5+ year trainees.

News travels fast when you're a trainee. A rumor started spreading that SM's new group would be a girl group and I......was not excited. The landscape of girl group concepts was changing but not quickly. What we have now for girl groups in the idol industry was not the norm when I was a trainee.

I felt like everything I was learning, what I was doing would have been....wasted in a girl group. Everyone knew how good I was. All the trainees did. They all thought I was a joining Red Velvet's lineup and I hated that. I went to my halmeoni and told her I was thinking about quitting and why.

Teenage Moxy sat at a table with her grandmother looking at her. Moxy and Mini Moxy were standing off to the side watching the scene.

"What did she say?" Mini Moxy asked, eyed glued to the two figures sitting at the table

Moxy chucked, "She said I was an idiot. That I didn't have a good reason to quit. She told me, to my face, if they put you in a group like that. Then show them what you can do. Show them that girls don't always have to be girly. They can be strong and powerful. while still being cute.

the two Moxy's walk away from the table where Teenage!Moxy and her grandmother are hugging

"What happened the second time?" Mini Moxy asked. Suddenly, the members of 127 stood in front of them dressed in outfit identical to the blue ones they wore during Limitless promotions. Everyone was performing smoothly until Moxy tripped up.

"I messed up."

Out of all of us, Moxy-noona had it the hardest ~ Haechan She was added to a group of people who had grown up together ~ Jaehyun None of us were particularly welcoming ~ Mark At first I think all of us used the "we're akward around girls" excuse until the excuse just gave us reason to not get to know her in the beginning ~ Yuta

"Was it hard joining the group." (question from the director) Absolutely (she laughs) I don't have the type of personality where I open up to people as soon as I meet them. I'm quiet and observant. during my first practices with the guys I could tell none of knew how to interact with me so I stayed to myself. Only talking to Johnny and Doyoung-oppa when everyone else wasn't present. I felt....un..wanted.

I used to stay extra late to practice Limitless. Nobody was willing to help me except for the mangers so I practiced until the early hours of the morning until I had the dance down. I was super nervous going into out first performance. I was so focused on not messing up. I didn't want to bring them down if I made a mistake. I just became a big ball of nerves for the rest of our promotional period.

(Moxy is handed a tablet with a video of 127 third Limitless performance. She click plays and immediatly starts laughs) I'm looking at myself and I'm not even enjoying the moment. I'm too focused on getting everything right. Not giving anyone a chance to speak ill of me or my performance. Nobody yelled at me but in my head I though they were disappointed. I went to Doyoung-oppa that night and told him how I felt and he talked me out of quitting. We watched the video together and he reassured about the whole thing. Telling me that it wasn't even noticeable. It truly wasn't."

Moxy walked up Limitless!Moxy and grabbed her hand.

"You did great." Moxy helps her younger self stand and dust herself off before the younger one runs off.

"And the last time?"

The clock ticked again and suddenly Moxy stood alone. When she turned around, she was facing Taeyong

It was starting to grate at me. Being in the group but not feeling apart of it. I started to isolate myself cause it felt like a better decision. They weren't making an effort to get to know me so why should I? You know? Because we didn't know each other, not like everyone else did, it made everything worse.

The camera cuts and the members are all standing together and performing Chain

(V.O) Chain has to be one of our hardest dances. Its alot. And I worked my butt off to perfect it but every time I was in the practice room with the members I screwed something up. The tension was high and.....everything...exploded

With their members surrounding them, Taeyong and Moxy begin to scream and shout at each other. The members flinching every so often.

We were just yelling at each other. Finally I told him I can take this anymore and I stormed out. My friend is in gymnastics and her coach never has a problem with me showing up to practice or let off steam so I took a cab there. I was tumbling for hours. No matter what song came on. No matter how much my body screamed to stop. I kept going. Then Chain started playing. And I hit every. single. move. It was like slow motion. When the music stopped, those bad thoughts came pouring in. I collapsed and I couldn't stop crying.

Moxy sits on the floor, sweat dripping from her face

(V.O.) All I felt was arms wrapping around me. I looked up and there was Taeyong.

Taeyong wraps his arms around Moxy. The younger curls into him wrapping her arms around his waist and burning her face in her leaders chest. Taeyong hid his face in her hair but the sounds of tears were heard

The real Moxy stands off to the side watching the two embracing on the floor, unshead tears in her eyes.

"Why did you stay?" mini Moxy"s voice rang out.

The tears spilled out, running down Moxy's face, "cause I wanted them. I stayed because I wanted them. Even if they would never want me."

A bigger hand wrapped around her smaller one. Moxy looked over and saw pale skin and tattoos. Her eyes met Taeyong's and he was smiling at her. He pulled her close and wiped her eyes with the edge of his sleeve. Pulling her forward, Taeyong lead her up the step to the empty wooden chair waiting for her. Moxy spun around meeting her members eyes one by one until she faced forward and took her seat.

"Hello, I'm Moxy of NCT 127." She spoke proudly, a huge smile on her face

~ Black Screen ~

Underwater, Moxy's first song written by herself, covey her feelings toward NCT 127 and how she plans to swim forward with them.

Moxy was sat, leaning back, on the bottom circle. Slowly she stood up as the music started.

I need you to move Show me how move When my world starts falling down, I need you

Johnny and Taeyong walk up and do a couple dance steps which Moxy copies. At the end, Moxy trips and falls forward but she catches her self. Johnny reaches over and help her stand.

Put me in a mood Put me in a mood With you, I'm finally breathin easier

Haechan and Mark replace their hyungs. The new trio continue the dance, ending with Moxy hug them both around their waist before they walk off screen

We're divin' deeper Way down, way down deeper We're divin' deeper I ain't afraid to drown with you We're divin' deeper Way down, way down, deeper We're divin' deeper I ain't afraid to drown with you

Through the prechorus the last five members joined Moxy in the center of the frame. They stood in a line behind her and played follow the leader within the dance until they fan'd out. At the last line, Moxy fell backward into them. They boy catch her then spin her body around in a semi circle (Think Haechan with the Dreamies during the bridge of My First and Last)

Let gravity pull harder We'll go underwater Baby, dance with me under the waves Weightless and unbothered We'll go underwater Baby, dance with me under the waves

All the members join in now and the group dances together with Moxy at the front leading them. The song repeats from there with more moments of Moxy having fun with the members. Even a moment when the male members form a semi circle around Moxy while danced in the middle. When Moxy sang the final note, the camera focused on her but seconds later the 127 members crowded around her. Hugging any part they could.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The song Underwater is by Meghan Trainor if you wanted to hear it.

I was watching the 127 doc and I KNEW I had to write Moxy's part. I hope you guys like this one. Have a good day!! ~ Author Izzy

Taglist: @alixnsuperstxr / @1-800-call-ria / @sophrodite / @sunflower-0180

[jolieterestrial]

Confessions of A Fellowship of drama queens

Aragorn x reader; Reader x the fellowship

Warnings: {Doesn’t mention Arwen} Read proof; somethings may will be inaccurate; song that inspired this : “the night begins to shine” by B.E.R; idk i just wanted something about this song and this was born.

Summary: Aragorn keeps embarrassing himself so the fellowship gives their confessions in “point of views” about the 10th fellow on paper that the nine of them later read by the fire,at camp. Ps. Feel free to interpret ;) Enjoy!

Aragorn’s point of view: (and what happened)

Y/n is otherworldly i don’t mean that by her radiant beauty or her chaotic personality… she is from a different world, one that is far from us. We don’t know how she got here but she knows all of us, apparently i’m famous back home. It is hard to talk to her sometimes, mainly because she always knows what i’m going to say or she associates my words with her world’s songs or as she likes to say “pop-culture moments”. This one time the fellowship made camp near the waters. it was dawn, after supper she caught me staring at her which wasn’t surprising to her, i have made poor efforts of hiding my admiration for her. “What is it strider?” “It’s nothing really…” “how can it be nothing, when you look at me like that?” “Like what?” “Like you see through me or something, you’re right it’s nothing” before i could defend myself she tried walking away but i caught her by the wrist “y/n wait, when i look at you i see the story in your eyes, like night begins to shine” i was being truthful. I saw the stars in her eyes, the unknown. when i confessed to it i didn’t expect her to fall into a fit of hysterical laughter, but she did just that. “Are you alright? Is the idea of us so pathetic to you it makes you laugh?!” “NO N- it’s just that in my world there’s a tv show about fictional superhero team made up of teenagers and- never-mind- you were saying?” “ it seems like, you’re playing hard-to-get, but i can understand… when i look at you i see the story in your eyes” “we should dance!” “When we’re dancing the night begins to shine” Y/n couldn’t stop laughing the duration of our dance it seems as tho i had hit every note possible in the song. I was really embarrassed, i didn’t want her to think of me as a fraud.

Y/N’s Point of things:

I can’t believe i’m here. And most of all i can’t believe Aragorn returns my feelings for him. Honestly coming here i didn’t think i could ever confess myself to him, but ever since i came here the handsome ranger has been trying to confess his feelings and i haven’t exactly made it easy. I don’t know how but he keeps referencing the weirdest things from home… so the last time he let it happen was when we made camp near the waters…everything was fine after the evening meal, even pipin was satisfied, obviously unlike Aragorn who yeeted me to him after i tried running away from our nowhere heading discussion. I was right of course he started singing and then we danced to night begins to shine i hope cyborg is proud of me in an alternate universe.

Gimli’s point of view: (a view from a low point, but we Stan a short king!)

Oy! I knew that girl wasn’t of our world the day i saw her. Well, here’s one Dwarf she won’t ensnare so easily. (Meanwhile Haldir: The Dwarf breathes so loud, we could have shot him in the dark.) I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox. Others might tell you otherwise but the lassie is a witch! By my beard! She’s always ahead of us knowing when and where the filthy orcs are coming from… the Elf princess greenleaf can do that two but he can’t foretell our words before we begin to formulate it! Somehow this witch has enchanted the best of us. Aragorn! By my beard! i should talk some sense into that lad before he gets to close to the witch.

Sam’s point of view:

I’m trying to stay positive and not think about the shire to much and Y/n has really help, by telling us all about the world she’s come from. Apperantly they prepare po-ta-toes in a lot of different,delicious ways…she said they have mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, roasted with garlic potatoes and some even shaped like a waffle. I think Aragorn is lucky to have found someone like y/n who can prepare potatoes in Any shape and form.

Merry’s point of view:

As the original youngest member of the fellowship i’m sort of sad that y/n took away that title from me, but she doesn’t know! Before she finds out i’d like to keep my glory…in Aragorn’s eyes i’m very precious cause i’m little and he prioritizes me over her, i don’t even want to think about what would happen if he ever found out, he’s already overprotective of y/n.

Frodo’s views on you:

I have to confess, y/n has made this quest less stressful. She promised me that i could do what i agreed at the council of Elrond to do, she said she has seen it a lot more than 5 times, she also said she lost count after that… anyhow i don’t think y/n should settle for Aragorn she should travel our world and maybe visit shire someday so i can show her how important it is to know where we come from and belong to. (Ouch! Frodo?!)

Pipin’s point of view:

I don’t know why y/n laughs all the time when strider tries to explain his feelings for the lady, but i laugh with her nonetheless! I won’t forget how strider ignored second breakfast the second most important meal of the day! I will admit that they are the perfect match. she loves to walk long distances. She is not from anywhere we know of, but she is a lot like strider.

Legolas’ point of view:

I think i lost my best friend and my purpose as a silvan elf. I thought my skill to observe would help but y/n came prepared. She knows everything we don’t and hasn’t dared to speak to us once about it. I think that takes a lot of courage. To hold so much power of knowledge and keep it to yourself. That’s why Aragorn should allure her before someone else (elf) does.

Gandalf:

They don’t know this but i made y/n come here. after the years i spent in the library of Minas Tirith i didn’t just discover the nature of the ring frodo’s great uncle stole. I found out there are lot of worlds, similar to ours. In some of them this quest is already fulfilled so i chose a world and asked Ilúvatar to send me the most intelligent and able-bodied of their kin. I don’t know of intelligence but y/n sure possesses great skills… her lack of intelligence is evident in her choice of men. (same girl) there are many of Aragorn’s likeness in her world yet she still choses to lust over the ranger.

*The fellowship simultaneously bursting in Gandalf’s tent* “YOU DID WHAT?” “Calm down you fools…” “how will you explain yourself old friend?” “A magician never reveals his secret?” Let’s just say this explained a lot to Gimli.

Fin.

[vividescapist]

Duality - PC (Avery Darnell)

Introducing my MC for the visual novel Duality (Demo here if you’re curious) @dualityvn​: Avery Darnell. Upper image used to mostly depict a connection to her sister, overall appearance, color scheme and vibes more like the picrew picture on the bottom. Picrews used 1 2

General notes under the read more. Warnings: Mentions of a past emotionally abusive relationship, body shaming, discussions of sex.

- 24 years old, 5’7/170cm.

- Taurus, born May 13th.

- Has an older sister (who is the MC for Turn the Page @/turnthepagevn). Avery resembles her paternal grandfather a lot, while her sister looks a lot like their mom.

- First impression: Withdrawn, thoughtful, blunt, independent, concise in her wording.

- Second impression: Open-minded and accepting, practical, persistent and dependable. Generous and loving but struggles with open communication. Creative.

- Current occupation: Painter, does a lot of motif and/or scenery work. (i.e. Galaxy themed ceiling, woodland themed bedroom) and does the occasional room design as well.

- Likes: 90s anime, frog motifs!, hot chocolate and video games. Stray cats who approach her for scritches. Greatly enjoys going for walks on rainy days and will claim that she is, in fact, not too old to jump into the occasional puddle. 

- Dislikes: Overly hot days, people who offer to pay her ‘in exposure’, her ex-boyfriend, baking/cooking instructions where the author dedicates at least five paragraphs to talking about their lives, rather than getting to the recipe directly.

- Special talents: Incredibly handy. Give her a youtube tutorial and some time and she’ll do the plumbing for you. In fact, she renovated the apartment she currently lives in by herself: She did all the tiling and painting and installing the appliances. She sanded and finished the hardwood floors after ripping up the carpet it was hidden under and it looks pretty good, considering she had no prior experience. Additionally, she has a good singing voice and used to upload covers on youtube, though they didn’t gain much traction.

- Moved to the city in which Duality takes place a year before the story begins. She initially moved to the city because her boyfriend got a job and wanted her to join him. It was their first apartment together and living together turned out to be a nightmare for Avery. Their relationship had their rocky spots before but it never seemed as dire because they still lived apart. With time and space, they were able to patch things up but this proved impossible once they moved in together. It became more and more apparent that Avery’s boyfriend was emotionally volatile and would constantly belittle her or blame her for things she wasn’t at fault for. Which, in turn, led to her becoming more snappish and irritated.

- Increasingly, during intimate moments, he would complain about having to get her off and would often roll over and go to sleep once he’d orgasmed. In fact, he began to complain that Avery was frigid and that her body was ‘difficult to pleasure.’ He’d do some half hearted fingering and then stop because it took way too long for her to come. For a while, Avery tried everything she could think of to make herself more attractive for her boyfriend, would look up different techniques to try and show him that she was, in fact, not frigid, that his pleasure mattered a lot to her. She began to prioritize her boyfriend’s pleasure, which was exactly what he’d wanted in the first place.

- This, coupled with other disagreements and fights, led to the relationship imploding after six months and Avery moved out. Enraged that she had been careless and spent so many months relying on his income, she vowed she’d never financially depend on another person ever again. She spent a couple of weeks living in her car before she managed to land her current job and eventually moved into her apartment. She kind of buried what happened in her last relationship and focused on the present. 

- This, in fact, comes to bite her in the ass when she enters a relationship with Keith and Tenebris. Her mindset is still ‘My partner’s pleasure above all else’ so she gets so caught up in providing for her boyfriends that she begins lying to them. (i.e. “Yes, I did come.” when she didn’t.) Of course, she can’t keep distracting her boys from her pleasure forever so a discussion is eventually had and Avery spills the beans. 

- (might write a fic about this)

- Needed a moment when she realized she was catching feelings for both Keith and Tenebris and had an internal crisis. She didn’t think it would be fair to choose one over the other, hell, she didn’t even want to choose but didn’t they deserve a dedicated partner who loved only them? Who didn’t waffle back and forth? Very nearly ended their friendship right then and there because she only wanted what would be best for Keith and Tenebris and, to her, that was her not choosing at all and getting out of their lives so they could find someone better.

- Thankfully, it All Worked Out(™) through the power of communication, which was a novelty for Avery.

- Loves to cuddle with either of them whenever they’re all home in the evening. 

- Makes Tenebris play when she gets stuck in a video game a) because she wants to calm down a little and b) watching Tenebris get really into it is precious as hell.

- L o v e s to cook and bake for her boyfriends and often asks them to taste test whatever she’s come up with. 

- Sings to them when Keith and Tenebris are asleep. Usually, it’s made up songs about how much she adores them, sometimes, it’s whatever was playing on the radio most recently. Other times, it’s just humming, interspersed with the occasional kiss to the boys’ cheek or their hair. 

- Is absolutely delighted by Keith’s love for plants and encourages his passion for them. If she sees a cool looking plant online or in a store, she’ll point it out to Keith and ask about it. Really enjoys listening to him talk about soil quality, humidity and fertilizer. It’s so sweet, seeing his gaze brighten and his hand move as he gestures alongside his explanation.

- Keith is the only one she’s introduced to her family (so far) but she keeps track of how many dates she’s gone with each of the boys. If she’s out with Tenebris and someone makes a rude remark because of his skin and facial markings, she will make it a point to kiss Tenebris right in front of the person. The biggest “Fuck you.” This is her boyfriend and she loves him very much, piss off, random stranger. There is absolutely nothing for Tenebris to be ashamed of.

- Keith was the one she kissed first but the first time having sex either either of them went to Tenebris. It just happened that way.

[evita-shelby]

Of Gods and Witches

Chapter 2

Cw:some light racism, mentions of death, mentions of alcoholism, mentions of suicide attempts

Gif by: @unicornspwnall

“I hate speaking in that language.” He admits once he has gotten comfortable in the cushions she had placed around the low table.

“I’m glad you speak Nahua, but I suppose I should invest on lessons in Yucateco.” Eva took a small colored glass bowl of nuts from the table. “Again, I apologize for calling you Quetzalcoatl, you must think I am the stupidest witch in the world.”

“I heard your voice through the waves, you sing terribly, but then I saw you dancing and decided to stay.”

Drawn like a moth to a flame, a witch could bewitch someone just by being seen.

Eva knows she has that effect on people, it was one of her greatest assets. And her most used weapon.

Served her greatly during her time in the war.

And now she had summoned a god like man here.

K’uk’ulkan was not the God K’uk’ulkan. He was named after him and had the usual origin story of a god, but apparently that does not make him a god.

Strange thing to learn.

“I am flattered, K’uk’ulkan, to know my meager looks were able to summon a man out of the depths of the ocean.” Eva offers him nuts and he offered her the bottle of Balché as a trade.

She had prepared with some Mayan delicacies and drinks, had she known she would be entertaining a man born some fifty years before the Spanish conquered Mexico, she would have had a traditional Mayan feast laid out.

She shouldn’t be drinking, Doctor Pereira said it was imperative that she avoid a relapse now that she’s sober.

Eva has been sober for the past six months, and yet she drinks straight from the bottle just like he did.

If she were feeling poetic, she’d say something about sharing a bottle being almost like kissing.

But the witch is still embarrassed about failing her own fucking ritual.

It wasn’t her fault, her mother was supposed to train her, but she was dead. Shot in the back by some cowardly American soldiers who panicked when mother's hands started glowing.

“What did you want Quetzalcoatl for?” he asks putting the glass bowl between them.

“To kill my enemies, hence the small feast and the clothes I am wearing. I’m not above bribery, just so you know.” She likes him. Therefore, something was deeply wrong with him.

Eva has a thing for cursed things, but he wasn’t cursed. She’d know if he were.

“You’d give yourself to a god to see a man dead?” he asks looking almost surprised.

“You see the man by the window?” she gestures slightly to the man dozing off by the hammock.

Eva had drugged him, she could have killed him, but she is not that desperate yet.

“What about him?” he asks intrigued.

“He just got orders to strangle me before the week is up.” Eva answered in a whisper. “His superiors decided that instead of giving me a fair trial, it is better if the world thinks I committed suicide.”

“Why don’t you kill him yourself?” he asks leaning closer to her.

“I will, but I need to cut off the head of the snake or they won’t stop sending people to kill me. He is the third or fourth person the president and his cronies have put in my household to do their dirty work.” Eva takes one last drink of the bottle promising herself it will be the last thing she drinks tonight. “Need Venustiano Carranza dead and unfortunately, I cannot do that myself. Even the assassins my family employs for these sorts of things have refused me.”

“I won’t kill him, surface-dweller.” He takes back Balché and drinks the rest of it.

“I think I preferred Chilan, Kukul,” she shortened his name and he bristled. Eva supposed he is not the type to like nicknames.

Plumed, feathered, she calls him and he is annoyed at how comfortable she finds herself with him.

He doesn’t scare her, takes more than that to do the trick now.

“My enemies call me Namor.” there is something about him that strikes her like lightning striking a tree.

Sparks that will burn a forest to ash, but what great fire it will be.

“Enemies don’t drink together while watching the ocean, so I will use the name your mother gave you.” She reminded him. Eva doesn’t care, she only has four days to live, if is offended than fuck him. “Besides if you meant to kill me, you would have used that thing you and your people do and have me walk into the water and never be seen again.”

She’s heard the tales, heard about sailors dying or survivors who could not do more than speak nonsense about blue skinned Mayan ghosts and their deadly siren song.

“It’s bad luck to kill a priestess, even a surface-dwelling one with the blood of those who hunted and enslaved our people.” He points out and wrinkles his nose as he mentions her mixed blood.

It makes sense that a god king would be racist, a shame it had to be this one.

“My great great grandfather liberated our country from Spain, my great grandmother descends from Moctezuma himself, my grandfather’s country was invaded like ours was and my father came from a nomadic tribe of people who aren’t exactly accepted everywhere.

They are white, but not like the white people you encountered.” She said defending her family from his cruel assumptions. “Besides, it doesn’t matter if my father was a white man, or that my mother had the blood of the last Mexica Emperor and the first President of Mexico, my family is all dead.”

“I am sorry for your loss, wàay.” He said offering her the last of the Balché.

Sorcerer, he calls her and yet it doesn’t sound insulting like surface-dweller does.

“Thanks.” And she feels a spark when their fingers brush against each other on the bottle. “But I shouldn’t be drinking, last time I drank I ended up trying to fling myself from a balcony in my melancholy.”

“I was a boy when I lost my mother and stepfather. I age slowly, you see. They died of old age by the time I turned twelve.” He intimates and both find common ground: grief.

“Hmm, you cursed with immortality, and I cursed with luck.” The witch reaches out for one of the crystal glasses with water on the table.

“I think we are the only two people who think of it that way.” K’uk’ulkan hides his pain well, but she can feel it still, makes her shiver even.

“No one else has lived the lives we have. How would they know how it feels to outlive everyone you love?” Eva pointed out as she brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them for warmth.

He was warm, but he got a little angry at her using the nickname his mother gave him and was prejudiced against people of mixed races, so she wouldn’t try leaning against him for warmth. He would feel nice, she thinks. His hands were warm when he helped her to her feet.

“To curses then.” He lifts the bottle in a toast and she clinks her glass with a quirk in her lips.

“May all who envy us never know how we suffer.” She said and both drank in silence.

[lightyaoigami]

thank you for the tag @mellovolence ♡ i am tagging whoever sees this. it is a universal tag!

are you named after someone?

nope...monica was just the only name my parents agreed on and it's easily pronounced in a lot of different languages

when was the last time you cried?

i cried when i lost my job (not in the layoff meeting thank god but the second my laptop got locked) and then i cried again a week or so later because i got hit by a car and the next day i was in so much pain that i couldn't get back to sleep. also it was right before my birthday lmao. march was an absolute BANGER of a month!

do you have kids?

no wtf i AM a kid (jk i'm 31)

do you use sarcasm a lot?

hehehehehehehhehehheh ya

what's the first thing you notice about people?

clothes and shoes!

what's your eye colour?

green with a ring of blue on the outside! i just learned literally today that this is a type of heterochromia apparently

scary movies or good endings?

either one tbh i just like when movies are good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

any special talents?

singing........................sounds like a bullshit lie but i have been onstage with the national symphony orchestra!! the show was reviewed in the washington post!! they said it was just OK lmfaoooo

where were you born?

stop trying to steal my identity, do you want my mom's maiden name too? sheesh

what are your hobbies?

writing, reading, FASHUN, kpop, skincare if that counts

do you have any pets?

i have a dog and she can't stand me lmao

what sports do you play/have played?

i only ever liked dance...i did ballroom dance until my partner quit and then switched to ballet, tap, jazz etc and did that through end of high school

how tall are you?

5'0" (153cm)!

favourite subject in school?

i absolutely fucking HATED school and nobody believed me because i got good grades but it was TORTURE!!!! yes i am ND why do you ask.......anyway i guess my favorite was history bc i like trivia n such

dream job?

i do not dream of labor........but if capitalism weren't real i would want to be a stylist for transmasc people or anyone who wants to masculinize their style. love menswear sooo much. alternately i would have stuck with music and become a classical singer :)

[fmdmichelle]

✨  𝖇𝖎𝖔𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖕𝖍𝖞  —  𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖋𝖎𝖑𝖊  —  𝖒𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘  —  𝖌𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖗𝖞

𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔, 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 !  it’s boone ( h / h, 20+ ) and i’m here to reintroduce you all to a muse of mine who was here not long ago, but has made her return ! honestly speaking, she’s basically the same as she was before. the only change that made to her is her birthdate and natal chart so it feels more harmonious and fitting with her personality, but nevertheless, i present to you lily’s maknae, lead vocal, and sub rapper: 𝖒𝖎𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊 𝖆𝖍𝖓 ! she’s still a singer-songwriter who grew up adoring and singing along to jazz musicians, r&b singers, and now, broadway musicals. she’s a bonafide feature / duet queen with a gentle soul and hardworking edge. if you’re at all interested in plotting with us, please 𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖆 ♡ 𝖔𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖙 and i’ll reach out !

✨  𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞.

born and raised in hell’s kitchen, new york, usa. mom and dad worked to the bone to pay the bills in their overpriced apartment and were straight-up never home. mom’s an er nurse, dad’s an emt/firefighter, and michelle was primarily raised by her uncle and his band of misfits. they genuinely were a quintessential chosen family of jazz musicians, failed rockstars, and drag queens that found each other for support, and michelle was essentially raised as their daughter.

this chosen family of her’s had a heavy hand in her development and growth. they not only taught her to be independent, and hard-working, but they were her gateway into the world of music. they taught her its theory, and how to play the guitar, and the piano, and how to sing, and they really supported her in all of her artistic endeavors; nourishing her soul so much; making her feel so seen.

michelle’s always been the obsessive type when it comes to things she’s interested in, so it didn’t take her a long time to pick up instruments and learn them, and she also spent many, many, many hours “perfecting” her vocal chops. she regards artists like billie holiday, ella fitzgerald, alicia keys, chaka khan, and many others as her largest influences—studying their techniques intensely.

her early childhood was largely spent in the arts, and as she aged, she didn’t stop, but began to branch out as a teenager; making friends with questionable people, doing stupid things, and getting in trouble. however, this didn’t last too long because the instant that her uncle caught wind of a bc entertainment open audition in manhattan, he signed her up—knowing full-well that she’d succeed. his hunch was right, she laid down great vocals, and moved to korea.

upon arrival, she didn’t speak the language at all. her parents were too busy to teach her, and her uncle didn’t really take on that responsibility either, so bc entertainment had her primarily focus on learning korean. that, as well as dancing. they learned early on that she could manage her own vocals fairly well, so they wanted her to focus on strengthening what she lacked more than anything else. she’s a hard worker and committed herself to nothing but that for her entire trainee period.

she debuted as still not the best dancer and barely somewhat fluent in korean, and lily’s success was apparent from the get-go. all of it happened so fast, honestly giving her whiplash, and from the ages of fifteen to nineteen, she kept her head down and worked tirelessly. life as a public figure kept her mostly in check, and being the youngest member often awarded her sympathy from the public even if she messed up during an interview or had botched pronunciation. though, around twenty, she started to realize that her entire childhood was spent working, and she never really had the chance to live a normal adolescence. this caused her to have something of a breakdown.

alcohol + substance use tw / michelle started drinking more often, even in public settings sometimes, and along with that came leaning on other substances to help her escape from her lonely reality. it wasn’t something she ever wanted to do, but coping with how her life has gone and how she didn’t really feel “normal” for a long time was hard on her. it was a dark period of time, one where lots of music was written and lots of lessons learned. it wasn’t until somewhat recently that she’s begun to pick herself up and dust herself off.

right now, she’s mostly at peace with her past and with her career; finding the good in it again. she’s revived her love of music by getting more involved in her own creations and wanting to see them through to actually being released. she’s always been too shy and guarded with them to share them, but she’s having a change of heart recently. she’s looking forward to an eventual solo début and taking things one day at a time; back on the grind.

✨  𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓.

she’s an impeccably hard worker and has rather obsessive tendencies. honestly, it’s not shocking to me that she’s become so successful. she’s someone who has big dreams and huge aspirations, as well as the sense of practicality and diligence to make them happen. there’s nothing she loves more than being able to say she’s earned all of her successes, and that she’s the one who was able to nurture her talents to where they are today. as a kid, she became almost addicted to learning how to play the guitar and piano; working at it tirelessly until she was pleased with herself. it was the same with singing, and still is, to be honest. she’s constantly working on her voice to ensure that it’s in tip-top shape; having often been hailed for her singing above all else.

however, these obsessive qualities also turn towards other people. despite being of relatively clear mind, michelle becomes attracted to individuals that are complicated and hard to read. sometimes this has been totally fine, but other times, it’s introduced her to some malicious people. she’s had a bad history of falling in love with the wrong people; those who take advantage of her delicate soul and aching need to fix their problems.

perfectionist to a massive fault. sure, this comes in handy sometimes, but it becomes unhealthy when she’s in the studio rerecording her vocal takes a hundred times over to get them just right. she’s very hard on herself, too, and will always say that it’s because she knows she’s capable of doing great things, so when she doesn’t, she needs to whip herself into shape. this trait, though, also makes her softly self-deprecating. this was more of a problem when she was younger, though. nowadays, she’s much kinder to herself.

being that she’s recently become sober and has been working a lot on her mental health, she’s chilled out a lot as of late. her sloppy days are in the past for now, and she’s done a lot of work figuring out her faults and healthily trying to process her trauma. this makes her a pretty solid rock for people who need her, and she’s a ride or die friend. though, she can be quite naggy and fussy with people, but mostly because she wants to see them do better, as well. think of like, an annoying older sister that reminds you of your faults sometimes in order to give you a reality check, or because she knows you can do better and that you’re not a flop.

because of the want to see people improve, she can sometimes say some pretty harsh things that come across as heavy critiques. she’s learning to be more tactful in that sense, but it’s a difficult habit to break. she never has bad intentions though, but realizes that when people ask her for advice, she needs to use more sensitivity instead of logic sometimes.

has so many notebooks overflowing with songs that she’s written over the last few years. i envision her music and her current style mirroring that of baek yerin, as well as bibi when she’s feeling particularly inspired by modern r&b, but mostly yerin. it’s a little hard for her to open up about her feelings because she catches herself overthinking them all of the time, but her heart is present in all of her music. every ounce of it is in the lyrics she writes and the notes she sings. it’s overwhelming at times, even to listeners.

[drewoclock]

Tell Your Life Story

Originally published April 11th, 2013

I was born on November 13th, 1993 to my mom and my dad.  We lived in an apartment for a while until my sister was born three years later.  Then we moved to a small house.  And then a less small house.  I used to write stories all the time on copy paper and make illustrations for them.

I was the troublemaker at school and it always got my parents yelling at me.  You’d think that would mean I was the cool kid but—nope.  I was the weird kid.  I did not make friends easily.  I wasn’t bullied or anything, but I was left alone.  Very alone.

I was lucky enough to have my neighborhood friends.  There were seven of us and we knew how to have fun.  We’d travel places when we could but usually, we created a world of entertainment just in the back yard.  We had a couple cheap cameras at our disposal and we filmed things frequently.  It was all entirely improvised and—admittedly, our improvisation does not hold up today, but it was so much fun.  

As much as I loved filming then, I wasn’t serious about it.  I was set on being an artist.  I stood out in all my art classes.  When middle school hit, I fell in love with Pixar, a production company that involved both filmmaking and art.  I was a huge fan and very vocal about it.

Eighth grade is where hormones became a thing.  I was fat and very short at the time and started to feel very bad about it until luckily, I grew a little bit and became skinny.  I also started to get some body hair, which made me feel all handsome and manly.  I also skipped a haircut and developed a shaggy head of hair, which has become a sort of iconic hairstyle for me.  

My troublemaking days were (mostly) behind me and my eccentric personality managed to attract a good chunk of friends, even a girlfriend.  She was an awesome girlfriend, too.  It was also the first year I got involved with drama club and the first year I started songwriting.

Meanwhile, the neighborhood gang had shortened itself to just three of us: Me and two brothers, Dan and Steve.  But we were still filming, and with a less cheap camera.  It was around this time that I had a crazy idea.  I had been following YouTube for a while and was fascinated by it, but it had never occurred to put my videos on it.  I thought “Why not?”

My parents had different thoughts.  They were very strict at that time and it took me a whole year to convince them to let me make a YouTube channel (which I couldn’t do without signing a very detailed contract).  But I made the channel and right away, we began uploading things.

In ninth grade, a funny little contest came along to write a song about math.  It was a lame contest and I thought it’d be funny to make a full-blown music video for it.  I actually wound up committing to it and to my astonishment, it wound up getting one million views within a month.  It was the crazy story of fame I had only dreamed about, and it happened.  I was on the news and all sorts of nutty stuff.  It definitely violated my YouTube contract, but my parents didn’t seem to care anymore.

With all this attention, I started to feel I had to up the ante.  I really wanted to focus on making quality videos and decided not to upload just anything anymore.  I began focusing as much as I could on what it took to be a successful videomaker.  I did this for years.

I also joined the high school drama club where I met my great pal Nick.  It was like no club I had ever been to before.  I really felt like I was part of a second amazing family.  It was an amazing experience full of vibrant people and personal growth that left a huge impact on me.  Apparently I turned out to be a pretty good actor, too.  I landed a leading dramatic role my junior year.  The same year I got into another relationship.

Over the years I began developing other talents.  I really honed my storytelling and songwriting.  I started to sing which I had never imagined doing, and I was kind of good at it.  I stopped doing art as much, which had been my career path for the longest time.  I decided that I didn’t want to limit my career to one thing, but that I wanted to do everything I loved.  But college was around the corner and I had to pick a major.  I decided film was the best education I could get.

Senior year was just as great as the rest of high school.  I began getting into clothes and language more.  I landed two leading roles.  I was still dating.  I had become a pretty smart person—and I was rejected by seven of the colleges I applied to, leaving only my bottom choice.  I felt miserable about it.  On the day I graduated, I felt very sad.  I was leaving behind a place where I had managed to find a lot of happiness.  In the same weekend, my driving test that I had prepared for extensively was postponed for a month, Pixar put out their first terrible movie, and my girlfriend of seventeen months dumped me.

I had a summer job with a guy who does local commercials but I did not feel very happy.  I went to college for a year in New Jersey where I had a lot of trouble fitting in.  I gained a lot of weight and grew to dislike the way I looked.

The next year hit and I went to school locally, living in my new very big house away from my neighborhood friends.  The commercial guy wasn’t giving me work and I couldn’t get a job anywhere, not even as a hotel maid.  The buzz on my math video finally started dying out.  I found myself spending most of my weeks alone in my house watching movies.  A golden age had ended.

But 2013 has shown signs of hope.  My attention to exercise and nutrition has helped me lose a lot of the weight I gained.  I got accepted to Syracuse, a college I want to go to.  I learned how to use my own professional filmmaking equipment.  I’m nearly finished making websites for all the creative stuff I do.

Maybe there’s a new age on the way.  Maybe I’ll get an audience that likes me for more than one video.  Maybe I’ll get involved in communities where I feel at home.  Maybe I’ll find a way to have as much fun as I did in the backyard.  Maybe I’ll get a good job.  Maybe someone will find me attractive.  Maybe I’ll be way cool.  Or you know, maybe I’ll die in a second.  

Nope, not dead.  There must be hope.

[nythowl]

Movement

Pairing: drummer x girl! OC

Note: Okay, it's basically some draft about a girl having a crush on a drummer.

It's not really finished, it's messy, but this is driving me fucking crazy, i have to get it out of my system and have some feedback/reaction, so please let me know!

(btw English isn't my first language, sorry in advance for any mistakes)

TW: age gap (22-37), alcohol, smoking, a bit of cursing? and that's probably it, tell me if you find one i haven't mentioned.

Word accounts: 2K

Charlie was moving to the blasting music under blue lights, before the track playing was cut short, making the crowd complain. At the same time, some people in the front started cheering for a band climbing on stage.

She frowned a bit, looking at the hour. It was around 1AM, usually live sets stopped at 11pm. Plus, the bar announced a DJ set, they were just supposed to play rock’n’roll that night. She peered again at the band. There were three men, probably around their forties, looking pretty basic for rock musicians, a style revolving around jeans, band tee-shirts and flannel shirts. They made her think of some of her dad's friends.

Someone on her right elbowed her, so she would turn around.

-”Hey I got a phone call, the 2000’s want their hairstyle back!” Lucie said while pointing at the drummer with her chin.

She snorted at the comment, looking at the drummer, effectively wearing his hair like Justin Bieber when he was sixteen. That didn’t stop him from looking kind of nice, maybe a bit too nerdy, but nice. Abigail and Lucie were debating getting drinks while the band was getting ready.

-”Do you want something to drink Charlie ?”

-”No no I’m fine, thank you!”

-”Common girl, let us repay you for coming with us tonight!” insisted Abigail.

She wasn’t supposed to do anything this friday night, she actually arranged herself to have her whole week-end to finish her work and chill a bit. She did plan to see Abigail and Lucie for a drink around 5pm, and she ended up at the bar, half willingly.

She didn’t even had the time to go back to her place, she was still wearing her old jeans that used to belong to her dad, hanging low on her hips and covered in paint, worn especially today in the foresight of her classes. 

-”Okay okay, get me something cheap and sugary.” she finally said.

The two girls left while Charlie searched for a nice spot to watch the concert, not too far from the stage. She settled next to a pillar, on the right of the stage, so they wouldn’t be too pushed by the crowd forming. The musicians were apparently ready, as they were looking at each other, nodding their heads in synchronicity with the rhythm the drummer just started, annunciating the beginning of a song.

The crowd cheered loudly as everyone recognized a cover from Maneskin, immediately jumping around and singing.

Charlie finally saw her friends after three songs, alternating between covers and original songs. As they were walking towards her, Abigail was talking to a man following them, definitely trying to get something from her. Lucie hurried forward while the conversation with the man was heating up.

-”What’s happening?” worried Charlie.

-”It’s fine, it’s just, this guy’s been trying to get me a drink, and he was touchy and too pushy even though i said “no” multiple times”

Charlie pretended to puke while Abigail pushed some people to get to them, looking pretty scary and screaming.

-”What a fucking asshole!”

-”Yeah, if he ever gets close to you, I’ll rip his head off” spat Charlie while putting her arm over Lucie’s shoulder, sending a dirty look to said guy.

He smiled and waved, and leaned towards the man next to him to whisper in his ear. She was utterly disgusted, and promised herself to keep an eye on that weirdo and her friends. 

She grabbed the bright pink drink Abigail was handing her and turned her attention to the band.

The middle-aged basic men on stage had turned into some kind of rockstar, born to die on stage. The energy had totally shifted, just as if electricity was running in the air.

And if she thought the drummer looked nice earlier, he was ten times hotter on stage. Lucie and Abigail seemed to agree as they fanned themselves in an exaggerated manner.

-”The drummer’s fucking hot!”

As if on cue, the band ended their song as Abigail was screaming this. Some other girls whistled as the band chuckled.

-”I don’t know who said that, but thanks” chuckled the concerned man.

Abigail was totally mortified, and Lucie was howling with laughter, supporting herself with the wall.

Charlie’s mouth felt slightly agape as the drummer took off his jacket and rolled the sleeve of his tee-shirt, revealing his arms. He grabbed his drumsticks and kicked off with another song, the effort emphasizing his muscles. And now he was singing, and fucking hell his voice was so hot, a bit raspy but not low, almost whining. 

Well everything about him was so hot that it brought Charlie back to earth in a split second. For fuck’s sake the man was hardly younger than her dad, he probably had a wife and a kid. She immediately checked out his left hand, and relieved to find nothing on his ring finger, she indulged herself with a bit of study, spending a hard minute fixed on those long and slender fingers, bones poking out a bit and veins forming around his wrist.

She cursed herself, this was getting out of hand, quite literally. Her friends had noticed, looking at her with raised eyebrows.

-”Well well well, that’s interesting. Isn’t our little Charlie finally getting a crush?” teased Lucie.

-”And a grown man at that! Be careful girl, your daddy issues are showing.”

Charlie rolled her eyes as Abigail elbowed her, glad to have something to piss her off about.

-”At least I’m not playing the mom for immature little boys, miss cougar” shooted back Charlie.

Lucie booed Abigail as she acted offended. She raised her hands in the air in an act of surrender.

-”Touché. But you do have a crush on that man. I have to admit, he’s pretty cute. A bit old for me, but cute”

-”What do you mean, cute?! That guy is reeking of sexual tension, he’s so fucking hot I feel the heat waves coming from him!” Lucie hollered in her ear.

-”Comon Lucie, leave the old man for Charlie, she does look pretty desperate” Abigail winked at her.

-”Okay, okay, I’ll admit, I have a fucking crush on him. But he’s at least forty, so I’ll just content myself of drooling a bit over him, that’s it”

-”Whatever you say!”

As it was getting later, it was getting harder and harder to concentrate on anything else other than the drummer. He was now completely disheveled, his arms coated in sweat, little drops rolling off his wet hair from when he emptied a bottle of water on his head earlier. He had that devil grin, a manic and insane glaze over his eyes.

Charlie herself was getting hot, mainly because the venue was so crowded and badly ventilated. But hey, let’s be honest, it wasn’t the only reason. She had peeled away the little jacket she had over her top, earning some double takes from horny teenagers.

The drummer was playing as if he was in a trance, head falling back and mouth open, frowning slightly, his Adam’s apple jolting. The second after, he was back to singing, eyes frantically looking around until, until … He stopped. Looking right at her, still singing. 

“And i want it now, 

I want it now,

Give me your heart and your soul”

His arms were still moving, hitting tirelessly the drums, but his gaze was glued on her, it couldn’t be a mistake. His smile grew wider and wider, looking like a madman, like a wolf, and she felt for a brief instant that he would jump off stage to her. 

Charlie’s heart skipped a beat before doubling its speed. He looked away and the adrenaline rushed through her. At the same time, the music changed to another one, and she realized she had stopped dancing. 

Eyes blinking fast, she went back to the same time zone as her friends, and for good measure, she downed her drink. 

The next hour was a bit of blur, Lucie was plastered, and clinging to Charlie, dancing together. Abigail was hyping them up, screaming lyrics at the top of her lungs, and yeah, they were having a pretty good time. 

Charlie met his eyes a few times, and she felt him glancing at her, like she was glancing at him when he was looking elsewhere. 

Now the space was filled with smoke and totally bonded. She’d gone to the smoker area at the end of the concert, while the girls went to the bathroom. She didn’t wait for them to pull a cigarette from her pack. As she was looking for her lighter, she felt some fresh air on her face, signaling that the door of the smoking room was open, and people cheered for someone. She didn’t see what was happening from her spot against the wall and behind the heads of people, but she felt the crowd moving and parting. Someone bumped into her, crashing her a bit against the wall. The man was preventing himself from falling further onto her with a hand on the wall, trapping her. Behind, smokers were still moving, making way for the two guitarists from the band.

Shit, that meant-

-”Oh, hello you.”

The soft spoken word sent a chill down her spine. Sure enough, it was the drummer slightly bent over her. The commotion had stopped, and so he straightened, still standing in front of her.

-”Sorry for shoving you, wasn’t my intention” he spoke again.

-”That’s quite okay, no harm done”

Charlie was surprised to find her voice clear and steady, she was not that panicked. It was more some sort of excitement and easiness that came over her. She hopped on her chance.

-”You wouldn’t happen to have a lighter by any chance? To excuse yourself for crushing me against a wall?” she asked innocently.

-”Sure thing, let me find that for you”

As he was rummaging through his pockets, she examined him. He was calmer, though his presence was still very intense. His eyes were back to a normal state, his moves way less erratic. His voice was so intriguing, slower than earlier, not that deep, but still vibrating.

Finally he pulled out a box of matches. She scoffed a bit. He raised an eyebrow, and the corner of his lips.

-”What, are my matches not cool enough for you?”

-”No, no, I actually think they’re pretty cool.” She looked up at him “I just didn’t know you were that old”

-”O-oh, okay, if that’s a problem for you” he insisted on those words and their meanings, his gaze a bit more serious, “ I’ll keep my matches for myself”

She smirked, pleased with how the conversation was going, pleased to notice that on top of his good looks, he was charming and respectful. If she could, she would kick her feets in the air and giggle a bit.

-”I was only teasing. Please, enlighten me'' she said. 

He looked at her while she brought the cigarette to her mouth and got closer. He lighted a match and put it at the end of her fag. He hovered a hand over the fire while she inhaled deeply, the light casting a warm glow on her features. 

She stepped back and smocked away. They stood there in silence for a second, as she smoked and he put away his box. His eyes weren’t leaving her, and he had that sly yet quiet smile.

Despite his intimidating presence, she felt the urge to speak.

-”By the way, I really liked your music, the concert was amazing!”

-”Oh I guessed so, thank you. I saw you dancing, you clearly were enjoying yourself.”

His tone was stripped from any weird connotation, and when she checked his face, so was his expression. He was now leaning on the wall with his shoulder, calmly and patiently observing her. 

She couldn’t help but catch her breath, as some heat was rising in her cheeks. Fortunately, she already had a nice red patch across her nose and cheeks, due to the ambient warmth. Nonetheless, she gave herself some composure by putting her hair up, to get some heat off her neck. 

-”Can I?”

She looked up, mid ponytail, hands busy as he pointed the stick hanging from her mouth. She nodded, and he brought his fingers to her lips, slightly brushing them as he collected the cigarette. He put his lips where her lipstick was, watching her intently while she finished tying her hair up.

(Sorry for cutting it short, hope you enjoyed it anyway, the rest will probably come soon)

[xian-1502]

Topical post: I’ve been really thinking about arrive now that it’s approaching y’know. Im afraid. i want to kiss him. he’s hot and cool and i’m happy to be around and here from him. But i’m still antsy as fuck and afraid that when i go in to kiss him he’ll be like “oh what the fuck man” and just be blown away. Or like the physical experience of my personality pushes him away. More insecurities but i’ve been thinking of them double time lately since it’s literally almost here practically tomorrow after a shift length flight, and then i’m in philly and from there we are lip locked (metaphorically, no shot we spend all of our time lip to lip. that’s actually ridiculous). i hope i’m a comforting presence for her. Or at least my own wake instills comfort in him. Or that i hold him with the right amount of squeeze in the right places. As well as hoping that we’re cute together in our kuromi pajamas. I’m siper psyched for this trip and icl, work tomorrow is gonna feel double long as a result probably, but i’m so ready for it to get here so we can be there together. I want to be there at with him after all. As well as wanting her to be in ky arms/vice versa.

Aside from the trip, thinking about the downer vibe i give. It’s become increasingly apparent with this song i’ve been listening to non stop. After listening, the lyrics are VERY on the nose, and it’s not like i relate entirely but sometimes i go “real mr ross. real.” Realizing if some one hears the music i listen to and paid attention the the lyrics i would look depraved as hell

“anything i can do to feel unalive”- unalive, braden ross

“i’m so sick i wake up i hate it”- sidelines, juno (julian norton)

“my tears were glowing just to muffle the screaming”- brakence, venus fly trap

“hands on my mouth trying not to cry too loud”- fisheye rouri 404

yikes indeed. But they go crazy, and honestly they’re pretty good brain off gaming songs imo. or rather, i do pretty well listening to them. And i like the melodies within said songs and how they allow me to use my voice when i sing them. Despite how depraved they may seem. Incongruent beats to each song imo.

With friendsgiving tomorrow i see friends and know we have a hard talk. Our friend is in the IDF since she’s a citizen, and the law there mandates to keep it she must serve two years. Her second year was almost finished and this conflict started and now it’s like. We don’t know. We haven’t talked to her much, she’s not deployed from what we hear. But it’s just really hard to talk to someone who is in the IDF and has also had opinions in favor of israel in past contexts, albeit i can’t blame her fully as she was born and raised there just to come here until she graduated. So it’s unlikely she would have differing opinions if she not only is in an immigrant family, but also regularly engaged in jewish/israeli activities and such while here such as bbyo and other jewish camps and clubs. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow(minutes.)

He asked me about lube and condoms recently and it dawned on me at the time i never got my std/sti/blood test results at that time and he also never asked me. Got them today at noon but i had notifications off in my medical app so i didn’t see. Anyway all clean thankfully but it just like clicked to me how like real all that is. Not that im not cool with getting to and through it all. in fact i look forward to it and hope i do good since i really wanna please him yknow. I want to him to know what it’s like to feel good like that by someone else’s actions rather than a self serve thing. That sounds nice. And idk fulfill scenarios he fantasizes about or hopes to experience within my range of action. Hoping to be walked through what he knows he likes within his grasp at least mc, that way i have a good baseline to jump from and fiddle with. Also as mentioned before. Notable wannabe munch so do with that what you will.

I was trying on my clothes today again and man do they look lame on me. But maybe cause i see them all the time and fold them and wear them. I was agonizing over my outfits cause i don’t want to wear anything like not good over it since i take pride in my fashion or at least, to some degrees. Going on a trip with mid fits sounds awful. Unfortunately i will have to finish my laundry another day(tomorrow). My aunt decided “actually i’m doing laundry today too” like she didn’t have 2 weeks in advance to pick a day. And while someone can say “xian! you could’ve done the same!” i’ve literally ran the numbers on this. She NEVER does laundry in thursdays. Monday wednesday and friday? maybe. NO tuesday and thursday. So that decision was just an unnecessary bottle neck for no reason. Considering it was also THANKSGIVING and there were people she invited otw. Regardless i’m all set on that front. I just have to pack my bathroom bag the night before after i use it. And then i’ll be outta here on saturday (should the plane gods not want hell for me)

Work tomorrow, not looking forward to it. On casual days it’s as lame as is, managers asking for crazy things and just making the environment unpleasant. Like my manager asked me to get 5 cards and memberships in a day once. Let’s be so fucking for real. Not only have i never seen him with more than 2 of at least one or a mix of them in one day. But even on good days, from what i’ve gleamed not even our best salespeople get those numbers so why are you pulling me aside to talk to me about this?? go to hell. Also customers suck dick. Some people should just never buy electronics cause they simply will not grasp it however you tell them. Why on EARTH was i arguing with this lady for 45 minutes about printer cables. I work there. I know. I’ve seen them and had these talks. Why are you gonna tell me IM wrong when you don’t even know what printer uiu have or what cable it takes outside of a note from the repair man you refuse to follow. Get real. But yeah just that 8 hour and i’ll be free for a week. Hopefully in bliss.

With black friday i’m no longer sure if i should shop at all. The only thing i would buy are games,clothes, or components for my computer. and while i have t been buying too much of the former lately, the latter has had me perturbed. With the current boycott i do not want to be buying electronics that have components confusing blood metals, despite the extreme discount and convenience since at that point i could just wait and buy them when they’re discounted after the newer models come out.But also with companies deciding to keep component composition as a trade secret, it’s pretty uncool imo. Now i just would rather not buy more stuff for my pc despite the “need” (quote un quote) for an upgrade if it comes at these costs.

Back to important stuff. With the oncoming trip i’ve got a lot saved in the calendar. But without a doubt tuesday is the scariest day. I don’t know why to expect meeting his family. How i should compose myself, how to ac, all that jazz. What to do if her mom tries to start anything with him/ make jabs or anything. Do i get involved? is this family business. Unsure. But i’m also wary on why she wants to be there so bad after uninviting him from today. seems super wishy washy and uncool . Also just unsure if i want to meet his mom at all. Like i’m even thinking about if i want to shake the hands and be cordial with someone who’s done what i’ve heard about but respect them i shall. As for siblings, i hope they’re cool, and i’m especially hopefully that they get to have a heart to heart maybe. Probably the greatest opportunity for it to some degree if it can happen. Albeit, mega awkward for me if i’m with the other 3. But i’ll go through it for that if it occurs. much more important imo.

Anyway, that concludes the list of 11/24/23

xian out

i was gonna say “see you there” but maybe actually smooch you there. Cause we will. For sure. I guarantee it. If it’s cool least.

aforementioned downer music

“We’re all frauds, aint no contest. I’m no god, just a complex.

It no fun, to be broken. Burning sun, i’m unchosen 💚☀️”

- Braden ross, unalive

2:07

(Fyi, written lyrics not accurately sequential)