#and that she was mad at me and i just felt guilty and awful all day

[angelgrian]

god i feel so fundamentally alone

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 19: I Know Who You Are

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV, Soldier Boy POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter nineteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 14.5K (It's a behemoth and oh my stars I didn't mean to do this)

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Angst, Drinking, ANGST, Sexual References, Talks of Pregnancy/Abortion, Some steaminess (barely), Family Problems, Self-deprecating thoughts, Awkward Situation, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: Not going to lie, this one is ANGSTY and it's dramatic... ENJOY!

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Soldier Boy POV

Ben couldn't move, couldn't breathe. The words you'd said still hovered between the two of you like an anchor sinking from a ship and lodging itself in his heart to tug him under. At first he thought that he'd imagined you saying it, that he was still reeling from using his newfound powers, but the ringing in his ears was not a side effect of that.

It had been exactly 37 seconds since you said it, and in those 37 seconds Ben couldn't do anything but stare into your beautiful wide eyes and try to remember how to breathe. The look on your face was identical to the first time you told him you loved him, hands gently cupping his cheeks and making him feel like the boy who used to climb up the tree outside your window just to glimpse your smile.

But now what you said was different. What you said didn't bring warmth, it brought destruction, it broke through everything he was.

 As soon as you said it a wave of shock crashed over him, followed by another more powerful wave of guilt. It wasn't guilt for getting you pregnant or guilt because the two of you weren't careful. Ben was not upset about that. He would have loved to see you pregnant, see you glow as you wore those cute overalls and prepared for a child that he gave you. To see you smile at him every day and let him make love to you, show you how excited he was to share this with you. Show you how you were the only person he wanted a family with, the only person he ever wanted to be bound to. He had wanted to give that to you and that wasn't a lie. When you first spoke those words to him so long ago about wanting to have a family, wanting to have someone to come home to, someone who loved you, Ben had wanted to be the one to give you those things.

He would have done anything to make you happy, still would. But now he was upset with himself. Guilty that he wasn't there for you when you needed him the most, guilty that he allowed himself to stay away as long as he had, and guilty that he hadn't fought harder to get back to you.

He imagined those years without him raising a child on your own, the sleepless nights you must have had, the way you must have never had a moment of quiet-.

Ben felt himself sinking deeper and deeper into despair when he thought of the years you must have spent alone raising his child, loving his child even though he threw you away.

She loves me that much? How can I ever deserve her?

Ben still didn't breathe, noting the way Legend, Butcher, and Hughie have fallen silent where they stand behind the two of you. Even Legend had stopped smoking his blunt, something that Ben wished he could take a hit from.

I'm a dad and I-

Ben's memories of his own father came up like the rising tide, the shit his father said to him, the way his father pushed him away, the way his father was never there when he needed him to be and the way that his father always made him feel like he wasn't enough, just as your mother made you feel.

Even after all this time, I did become him, I abandoned her and then I abandoned my kid. I wasn't there when they needed me the most, I am a fuck up I- Ben swallows, the overwhelming thoughts dragging him further and further beneath the waves. How could she still want me? How can she say that I've never disappointed her when I did this?

You drop your hands from his cheeks and he misses the warmth they brought, but worse is the look in your eyes. You look scared. It was the same look you'd had on your face this morning when he woke up with you in his arms.

Ben hated that, because he knew why. He knew that you were scared to tell him this because you thought he would leave you again, that you still didn't completely believe that he was never going to leave you again, and it broke something deep inside of him that he tried to hide away for decades. He wished that he had never done those things to you, wished that he had earned back your trust already, wished that you would let him make love to you to show you how much you meant to him, but deep down he knew that he was willing to wait for you even if it took the rest of his life, he would make you trust him again.

At least she's touching me and looking me in the eye now.

But he knew that he still had a long way to go.

“Right.” Butcher clears his throat awkwardly. “Don’t forget to fill up the tank.” He tosses his keys towards you and you catch them in your hand while Ben continues to stand there.

Honestly he still wasn't sure what to say. He was stuck somewhere between guilt and shock and he wasn't sure how to make his body move. Pretty soon he would die from asphyxiation. He hadn’t taken a breath since you said it.

Butcher, Legend, and Hughie walk into the house behind them each wearing a bewildered expression. Ben had been to Legend's summer house many times in the past. He had memories of orgies and parties that went on for days, both of which you never went to, and Ben always ended up at your apartment trying to sleep it off while you sketched quietly beside him. He still couldn't understand that, how you were able to sit there with him and act like your heart wasn't breaking each time he did that.

The silence grows between you and Ben can't find the words to fill it, because he has no idea what to say, no idea how you can look at him when he did this to you, when he got you pregnant and then abandoned you like you didn't matter.

"Look I-" You stammer, looking down at the ground for a minute to take a breath before you raise your eyes to look at him. "I didn't want to tell you like this, but I can't leave her. We have the same last name and the first thing Homelander's going to do is make that connection. I mean, Legend and I made up the story about Indigo being my mom, but Rosemary she-"

Ben's entire body explodes again with emotion and shock as you utter the name Rosemary. He hadn't heard it in over eighty years, the last time was at his mother's funeral. The day that you crossed the gravesite, pulling away from your family, swaddled in another ridiculous dress that your mother picked out, and took his hand, refusing to let it go.  You were always there for him.

And then I wasn't fucking there for her.

“I just can’t leave her, not with him.” You whisper, glancing up into Ben's impassive face but he can't say anything.

How can I when she named our daughter after my mother?

“I know it’s a lot to take in. I tried to tell you this morning, but then Butcher walked in and I didn’t want to do this in front of him and- and-“ You were babbling now, a nervous habit that Ben hadn't seen you do in ages, but was now rearing its ugly head all over again. “And you don’t have to come with me-“

You were mistaking his silence for fear, mistaking his silence as him pulling away all over again. He could see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice as it trembled.

“Rosemary.” Ben whispers, your daughter's name, his daughter's name, interrupting you.  He barely breathes it, so low that he's not sure you heard him, saying the name with a reverence that he'd never used before. It was the first thing he'd said since you told him that he was a dad.

“Yes?" You look confused.

“You named her after my mom?” Ben’s eyes catch yours, deep green and open. He could feel his own heart flutter when he asked you that, heating in his chest so hot that he thinks it might melt out of it, through the bones and sinew. If that happened he would catch it and give it to you as if you already didn’t have it.

Ben can hear your heartbeat stutter when he asks you that. It was surprising, surprising that after everything that happened you still did that for him, did that to remember him.

He watches the end of your lips twitch in a smile.

“Yeah. You loved your mom. And did you think I was going to name her after my mom? Really?” You smile faintly at him with the joke.

Ben almost smiles at the thought. There wasn't any way that you wanted to remember your mother. Hell, all Ben wanted was to help you forget her, to undo the damage that she'd done to you all those years ago, because he saw how her influence still weighed on you, how everything that happened in the past still sat on your shoulders.

And he wanted to relieve that.

“I did try to tell you.” You repeat, but your smile drops.  “Honestly I also want to stop and get some clothes from my apartment  so I’m not covered in blood or rubble when I see her. It's going to be hard to explain all of this to her.”

Ben drags his eyes down your outfit again. Although this morning all he wanted was to rip it off you and study your curves with his hands, the outfit looked weathered. There was a prominent hole through the jacket and shirt, just under your left breast that Ben couldn't look away from. He knew what it meant. It was from you pushing him out of the way of Homelander. He could still feel the anger prickling beneath his skin when you again did the thing that he told you not to do. You were just so stubborn sometimes and never wanted to listen to him. Ben didn't give a single fuck that Homelander had punched him and practically choked him, the only thing he cared about was that Homelander had killed  you. There were many things that Ben fantasized about doing to Homelander when he had killed you, many he wished that he had been able to accomplish before Homelander tucked his tail and flew away like a little pussy.

He cannot be what passes for a hero these days.

Then again another side of him was incredibly turned on when you faced Homelander. He'd never admit that to you, but there was something sexy about the way you threw Homelander around like he was nothing. It had taken an extreme amount of effort for Ben not to kiss you after Homelander flew away, to take you back into the ruined house and show you just how much he liked your outfit and how much he enjoyed watching you kick Homelander's ass. Of course he'd let the anger win in the moments that followed the fight.

"Okay." Ben replies.

He sees you hesitate. “I guess I’ll see you when I get back.” You reply, with a tight smile, disappointment flashing in your eyes.

“What are you talking about?” Ben’s eyebrows furrow together. He was confused. “I’m coming with you.”

“Really?" He watches your eyes widen in surprise.

 Did she really think I'd let her go alone to do this?

"Yes? I told you that I didn't want you to go alone. Especially with that asshole flying around." Ben could feel himself frown.

"Okay."

*********************************************************

Reader POV

The first ten minutes of the drive is deathly quiet. Ben doesn’t say anything and you fight to keep your mouth shut. The urge to fill the silence bristled beneath your skin, but you clamp your lips together.

Even when he said he wanted to come with me, he didn't acknowledge anything I said about Rosemary and-

“Are you sure she’s mine?” Ben finally asks interrupting your internal monologue.

You can’t help but laugh, gripping the steering wheel as you snort.  “Why is that the reaction all men have when a woman tells them that they’re pregnant? Is it because all men believe that women go around plotting ways to force them into a relationship? Is that a legitimate fear that you guys have? Or is it because all men think women go jumping from bed to bed having unprotected sex with whoever they can get their hands on?”

“No I just-“ Ben sighs and doesn’t finish his sentence. He’s been staring out through the windshield, watching the outside world fade into blurred colors, glancing over at you every few seconds.

“I’m sorry.” You hadn’t meant to laugh at him, but this was all just extremely awkward.

But it shouldn’t be. You can’t help but think to yourself. If Ben had ever asked me to have a kid with him before any of this I would have agreed to it no questions asked. But now I guess it's different.

“Yes she’s yours.” You sigh, but you can’t look at him.

“But how?”

“Do you really want me to explain the birds and the bees to you?”

“Y/n.” He sighs.

“Because of all the people in the world, you probably have enough experience to know exactly how babies are made and I hate to break it to you, it has nothing to do with a stork.”

 “Please don’t make a joke right now.”

“I can’t help it.” You mutter butterflies dancing the conga in your stomach. “You know how I get when I get nervous.” You could practically feel your neurons sending electrical impulses through your body, making your anxiety grow.

I really should have had that coffee this morning. Then again it might go right to my anxiety.

“Why are you nervous?” Ben asks you incredulous. He sounds surprised, like he can't understand you.

“Huh?”

“Why are you nervous? You should be fucking furious with me!"

"Ben what are you talking about?" You turn to look over at him. He looks wrecked. He's hunched in the seat, hands clenched tightly over his thighs, jaw tight.

Is he mad at me? Really? Your heart sinks into the pit of your stomach to be devoured by the swarm of butterflies. I knew it. I knew he wouldn't be able to handle this-

"I did this to you and then I fucking left you. I left you when you needed me and was with those Russian fucks for forty-“ Ben’s voice breaks.

You suddenly understand. Ben wasn’t angry with you, he wasn’t pulling away, he was angry with himself. Guilty and angry because he wasn't there, because he believed that he disappointed you again.

“Ben wait a minute-“

“I should have been there every second.” He seethes, jaw tight, hands clenched into fists on top of his thighs. “I should have- FUCK.” Ben’s fist goes through the roof of the car, making the entire frame shudder.

Shit Butcher might kill us for that.

"Oh Ben-" You whisper.

“I-“ His chest begins to glow. “I said all those things, pushed you away, fucked Countess. I put you through all that shit and you still wanted to have my fucking kid? And you named her after my mom? I-"

Butcher will definitely kill us if Ben blows up his car.

You pull the car over to the side of the road, quickly unbuckling your seatbelt and reaching for Ben. "Ben please it's okay." You breathe, hands finding the sides of his face. "It's okay."

"No it's not." His chest dulls, but he turns his head away from you ashamed. "You told me that you wanted a family, that you wanted someone to come home to, someone who loved you. I wanted to give you those things, but not like this. I-" Ben's voice cracks. "I'm so sorry. I-"

"Ben." You whisper, turning his face back to yours so he's looking at you. His green eyes are dim, eyebrows pushed together, mouth turned down in a frown. And you can't help but kiss him. It's the first kiss you'd had in years. Life always seemed to get in the way of that. Whether it was Rosemary or Lou, you hadn't had a lasting relationship with someone in decades, not since Ben. The most you’d done is gone out with another artist and had dinner. It had ended in an awkward kiss that felt completely wrong to you. It didn't feel anything like this.

Kissing Ben was even more wonderful than you remember. The way he softly sighs into your mouth as he deepens the kiss, the way his hands find your waist to pull you over the center console into his lap, the way your hands automatically tangle in his thick dark hair on the back of his head, and the way your entire body melted into him. Warm tingles trace down your spine as your lips move against his, every synapse in your body electrifying, as you try your hardest to tell him how much he means to you with the kiss.

"Don't you understand." You say against his lips, stroking your fingers through his hair. "You did. You gave me a family. You gave me someone to come home to, someone who loves me. And now that she’s all grown up it gets to be you. You didn’t ruin my life. I don’t regret a single moment, even with everything that happened. I don't regret having Rosemary. You gave me what I wanted. It might not have looked the way I thought it would, but it doesn't make it any less special.”

"But I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I-" Ben sighs leaning his forehead against yours and you kiss him again, his tongue tangling with yours so devastatingly languid it seems to take your next breath.

Why did I ever deny myself this?

"Ben, you're here now, and that's all that matters to me."

"But-"

"You don't need to apologize for this Ben. What happened to you was not your fault. You couldn't control being away as long as you were-"

"I could have tried harder to escape. I could have-" He swallows, eyes wide and filled with pain. "I would have tried harder if I knew that I left you with-"

"Ben." You breathe, extracting your fingers from his hair and cupping his cheeks. "Please. I don't blame you for not being there. It was out of your control. And if-" You clear your throat with a sigh. "If you really love me as much as you say, if you've really loved me all this time, then I know you would have been there every second."

"I do. I love you." He kisses you again, breathing you in, holding you so tight against his chest as if he believes that you'll fade away in his arms. "I would have been, even if you hated having me there."

"I might have at the beginning, but now I can't imagine losing you. I can't imagine you leaving me. I don't think that I'll be able to survive this time-"

"I won't leave. I promise."

"I'm starting to believe you." Your thumbs stroke against Ben's cheeks, smiling softly at him, trying to fight the urge to cry, because your emotions are getting the best of you all over again. "Now can we please go? Or are you going to blow up Butcher's car?"

"One more Sweetheart." Ben murmurs, dragging your face back to his. "I've waited forty years for this."

*********************************************************

"Does she know about me?" Ben says from your bedroom, over the sound of the sink.

You were standing in your bathroom, washing ash and blood from your face and picking rubble out of your hair. Honestly, you looked… weathered. The revenge outfit had a large irreparable hole that went through the blouse, not to mention you'd lost another favorite jacket and you were starting to get pissed.

Two down in a week. Maybe the vintage shop across the street from Rosemary's will have a nice selection. You reconsider. Or maybe Legend will have some clothes that he doesn't want. You smile to yourself. He certainly looks the same, must have some nice vintage clothes from the "good old days". Maybe I should be more worried about the fact that I’m more upset about ruining another jacket rather than the fact that we killed two people today.

Of course, you also needed to consider getting Ben some more clothes as well. Butcher's minimal selection was dismal, then again Ben could probably wear a garbage bag and be drop dead gorgeous.

He's the worst.

"Yeah. I told her who you were." You pull off the jacket, stroking your finger around the hole in the back of it, noticing the way the singed leather melted away from the laser. "She also knows you're back. It was-um- it was Rosemary who was texting me this morning." You momentarily feel guilty again. Rosemary was not excited to see Ben, the text messages this morning were a testament to that. And you were afraid that Ben was going to get his hopes up about seeing her.

Personally you weren't sure how he was going to approach this. Your heart just about broke when he almost exploded in the car from guilt about getting you pregnant. That was shocking, but at the same time the look of anguish on his face made you feel guilty all over again for not trying to get him sooner, for not asking more questions about his death. You knew that he was more indestructible than you. Why didn't I question that?

You reach for the bottom of the blouse, pulling it from your skin, but you look at your reflection in the mirror. There were two prominent scars, each about the size of a nickel, just under the left side of your bra. The only thing left behind from your fight with Homelander.

Ben's hand against the small of your bare back, makes you jump. It was rough and familiar, brushing against your soft skin in a way that makes you want to push back into his touch, to soak up the warmth like a cat in the sun. Proving again that your body still responded to his touch the same way it had your entire life. "Let me see." He rumbles.

"What?"

Ben turns you towards him, eyes dark as they meet yours, but then they drop to the collection of scars on your torso. "This one?" He strokes the golf-ball sized, almost perfect circle on the right lower part of your abdomen.

"Countess."

Ben's jaw tightens, but then raises his hand to the scars Homelander left then to the bullet scar just over your heart. "I hate that so many of these have to do with me."

"Well you didn't do them so you should see that as a win." You joke trying to make Ben smile, but he doesn't. "Ben we talked about this."

"I know." He pauses stroking his finger on a thin line just over your left collarbone.  It was new to him. "What’s this one?"

"Rosemary." A ghost of a smile is on my lips. "Didn't want to eat her broccoli when she was a kid, telekinetically threw a knife at me by accident."

 "She's a supe?"

"Yeah she's like us a bit. Doesn't age, she's strong, and more invulnerable, but she doesn't have any other powers unless she touches you."

"She has to touch you?"

"Yeah skin to skin contact only and only 24 hours, that's how she got telekinesis. She touched me and, well, really didn’t want to eat that broccoli-" You shrug. You were used to her powers, happy that you didn't have to watch her age, but worried about Lou. You were always worried about Lou. “But she's not a hero, she didn't want to be one. She's a nurse, works downtown in the emergency room. Though I think she's thinking about being a doctor."

"A doctor? A female doctor?” Ben’s eyebrows furrow.

Right. He basically missed the feminist movement. Note to self, make Ben watch the Barbie movie.

"Yes a female doctor. Nowadays it happens more often than you’d think.” You laugh. “She wanted to go back to school, but then her husband died and she was taking care of Lou-"

"Lou?"

You take his hand stroking your thumb over the back. “It’s not just Rosemary-“

“Please do not tell me you had fucking twins.” Ben tenses.

“No.” You snort. “Lou is our granddaughter. It's short for Louisa, though Rosie never calls her that unless she's done something crazy.  She’s four, and most of the time she calls me aunty. She doesn’t know I’m her grandmother. Rosie and I, we thought it would be better if I introduced her as my cousin, not as my daughter."

“What happened to her husband?”

“Car accident. Just a few weeks after Lou was born.” Your smile drops remembering. “He was a good guy. Rosemary was head over heels for such a long time, and when he died she just crumbled completely shut down. He wasn't a supe and when she started to have a life with him I was worried about him dying. He wasn't going to live forever and he certainly wasn't indestructible. But after it happened I moved in with them for a while, helped her get through it, but it was hard."

"What about Lou?"

"What about her?"

"Is she a supe?" Ben's palm was still resting on the thin line over your collar bone and it was difficult to think with his bare skin pressed against yours.

"Not that we've noticed. Though I worry every day she will be."

"Why?"

"She's a third generation supe from our bloodline. If that gets out, who knows what'll happen. Same with Rosemary. She’s powerful and she’s only second generation from us. I’m hoping it skipped Lou.” You sigh leaning forward into his hand. "When I first found out that I was pregnant with Rosemary I was afraid that Vought would come take her away. And then when Lou was born I was so happy for Rosie, but everyday I'm scared that-" The words catch in your throat. Nothing really scared you anymore, but the thought of losing Rosie or Lou broke your heart, it was the same fear you had at the thought of losing Ben all over again.

He slides his hand up the column of your throat to cup your cheek.  “Nothing will happen to them.” Ben promises. “I won’t let it.” His gaze was locked on yours, eyes filled with steely determination. It made your heart warm to know that Ben already cares about them, that he understood how important they were to you. It also made you all the more guilty for telling Rosemary everything about Ben, afraid that it turned her against him.

But I told her the bad and the good. I told her how much he meant to me, how he touched my life, our childhoods-

Images of the moments with Ben over your lifetime, the good and the bad, the moments you loved him, the moments you hated him, the simple moments that you longed for more, and the moments where Ben gave you everything you wanted, when he was exactly what you needed, as if he understood every part of you, even the parts that you tired to hide from everyone else. The moments before you were supes when Ben and you were together and he made you forget about your mother, when he walked you home as you sang drunkenly off key, and the moments where he cheered you up when everything seemed hopeless. Ben was always there for you.

You tried to tell her that, but maybe you were too jaded to tell her, maybe you focused too much on the bad. And now that meant she might not listen to his side of the story.

He drags his finger over the scar just over your heart, the one he can't seem to forget, trailing goosebumps in it's wake, while his other hand wraps around your waist tugging you forward against his chest.

By now he was wearing the pair of jeans and dark shirt he came to your apartment in, looking just as devastatingly handsome as he always did. Probably a good thing that he didn't go to her apartment in his supe suit, you didn't want Rosemary to ask him why he was wearing it and then have to tell her that he torched the TNT Twins.

Because telling her that you personally kicked Homelander's ass and that he was now going to hunt down Rosemary and Lou seemed so much easier. Not.

Why is my life like this?

"I can't put a shirt on if you keep doing that." You whisper. Honestly you couldn't think straight either.

"Maybe that's my plan all along."

"Well see, if I never put a shirt on that means that I'll be walking around in public with everyone seeing me without one and-"

Ben's eyes narrow at the thought.

“Oh do you not like that?” You smirk.

He pins you back against the counter, the marble biting into your lower back, but you don’t have time to think about it because Ben’s lips are against yours, supple and urgent, driving every thought from your mind.

Your hands come up to grip his shoulders, fastening him tighter against you while his mouth drags over your skin down your throat to your collarbone.

“Ben we have to go-“ you whisper.

“Let me do this first.” He mutters against your skin.

“Do what?” You sigh, feeling him begin to suck a mark directly over your collarbone. “Ben-“ You try to say his name to make him stop. Showing up to Rosemary’s apartment with a hickey was the last thing you wanted. But instead of his name coming out in the harsh whisper you intended, it comes out as a moan.

Ben’s body tightens around you, gaze meeting yours. His eyes are dark pools filled with promises that make a shiver travel down your spine. “I’ve waited forty years to hear you say my name like that again.” His lips fall back to the same spot. “And I look forward to hearing it like that in the future.”

Part of you is screaming too soon! But there’s another part rattling the bars of her cage that screams more! At the top of its lungs.

Ben continues to kiss along your neck, beard scratching against the soft skin in a way that makes you sigh and move your hands up to tangle in his hair.

You can feel Ben’s smile. “That’s my girl.”

“Only yours.” You whisper before you can stop yourself causing Ben to raise his head from your collarbone.

“Damn right.”He growls.

And there goes my last shred of willpower. Fuck.

*********************************************************

Rosemary’s apartment building sends a deep feeling of dread through your system. You were happy that you got to change, happy that Ben got to change, but now thanks to the man sitting in the front seat across from you there was a large purple mark just on your collarbone that was barely covered by the long sleeved sweater you had on.

Please let Rosemary not see it.

Ben wasn’t helping. Since your apartment he hadn’t let go of your hand. The entire ride to Rosemary’s he held it over the center console of Butcher’s car, slowly stroking the back of it with his thumb making warm tendrils creep up your arm and settle in your heart. It was just like the night after the restaurant when Ben drove you home and he showed a softer side of himself that you hadn’t seen in forty years.

In the past 48 hours Ben had been more attentive and loving than he ever had and it made you hopeful for the future, hopeful that this really was going to work.

But you  were still afraid that this was happening so fast. You weren’t expecting yourself to be so open to forgiving him, to be so ready to let him back in, to let him pick up the pieces of your heart but there he was holding duct tape with his piercing eyes and annoyingly gorgeous face.

“This is a nice apartment building.” Ben says looking up at the towering behemoth.

“She really likes it.” You shrug. “It’s close to a lot of schools and Rosie’s job. I kinda thought it was too uppity.”

“Neighborhood looks safe.” Ben gets out of the car.

“Yeah it-“ You begin to say trying to open your door but as soon as you do Ben is there opening it for you. “Oh thanks.”

“You look surprised.” He smiles.

“It’s just been a while since someone has opened a door for me.”

Ben’s smile twitches for a second. “Y/n?”

“Yes Ben.” You smooth the front of his shirt.

“How many others have there been?” He asks quietly.

You pause for a second hand still on his chest.   As ridiculous as it might seem to some people, the truth was there hadn’t been anyone else.

At first it was difficult to find time for anything eat alone that in particular. Chasing a toddler around that occasionally picked up the couch and threw it across the room with her mind was enough to keep anybody busy, not to mention that you didn’t want to leave Rosemary alone with anyone for a night. And when Rosemary finally went off the college and you started to sell your paintings you started to get more comfortable being on your own again. You’d gone out to dinner with a few men who asked you after your show shared a kiss, but nothing ever felt right.

Finally came the one night that you thought things could be different. Max was a colleague that had flirted with you every chance he got. He wasn’t bad looking, reminded you a bit of Ben and your friend Adam Winthrop growing up. Max was also an artist who came to each of your shows, talked you down from the ledge whenever you thought the work wasn’t good enough and always took you out to get a drink after a show to make you feel better. He was sweet, funny, but when you were with him something always felt different.

But one night you figured why not? So you gave in, went back with Max to his apartment, but you couldn’t go all the way. It felt wrong. You could tell how much he liked you, how much he wanted you, but you didn’t want him. And it felt wrong to use someone. To make them believe you had feelings for them only to push them away.

So you told Max the truth and he respected you, didn’t make anything weird between the two of you, acted like nothing happened.

But now standing here in front of Ben with him asking you that question apart of you wished you had found someone else.

“Why?” You ask slowly.

Ben shrugs. “I don’t know you just haven’t- I mean we haven’t talked about that and-“

“I have never asked you how many people you’ve slept with. And I really don't think this is the best time?"

“I know that you've never asked but the last time I saw you I mean-" Ben's hand gently touches your waist, stroking against the top of your favorite worn pair of jeans.

You knew exactly what he was thinking about, he was thinking about the night you shared together, when he was everything you wanted, and he made you feel special loved, when he was gentle and made love to you the way you always imagined.

And yes maybe sex was off the table for a while, but it would come up again, eventually.

"Ben, can we talk about this after we get Rosemary and Lou back to Legend's?" You whisper placing a hand on his chest before you can stop yourself. You weren't sure if you'd ever be able to stop touching him, if you'd ever be able to stand in his presence and not feel warm or happy. You never expected it to be like this again, and certainly not so soon.

Ben looks disappointed for a moment, his green eyes flashing in the brilliant sunlight as it begins to sink behind the buildings. The wind carried the smells of summer, ice cream, beer, sunscreen, and just a hint of rain, rustling through the trees on the edge of Central Park. There would be a storm soon and you hoped that you were on the road before it hit. You hated driving in the rain.

"Okay." He releases your waist and takes your hand once more. "But we are going to talk about it right?"

"I don't see why it's so important." You steer him towards the front double doors where the doorman, Rodger, stands in a green and gold suit.

"Welcome back miss." Rodger smiles and opens one of the heavy glass doors for Ben and you.

"Thank you Rodger. How's the wife?" You flash a winning smile at him, still holding on tight to Ben who walks silently next to you.

"She's doing a lot better. The treatments are going well. She seems more like herself each day." Rodger smiles wider, eyes misting a little bit.

"That's wonderful to hear. Tell her I say hello." You say continuing to the gilded elevator that sits on the other side of the large marble lobby of the apartment building.

The truth was you knew that his wife was doing better, just as you knew she was receiving her treatments. Last Christmas Rodger had broken down when he was letting you up to see Lou and Rosemary and told you that his wife was diagnosed with lung cancer and because they didn’t have the money for treatment, it would probably be her last Christmas. Rodger was one of the kindest people you knew, and you didn't want him to lose his wife, so Rosemary and you both decided to shift around the generous funds that her grandfather left you, to send an anonymous donation so Rodger's wife could get treatment.

"Of course miss."

The elevator door closes, leaving Ben and you alone again, playing a cover of "Don't Stop Believing" on the piano.

 Ben tugs you close and kisses you softly, so soft that it makes your eyes flutter while he smiles down at you. "I love you."

"What did you do?" You joke, nerves of Rosemary seeing Ben gone for a moment.

"You have such a big heart." He strokes his finger down your cheek, eyes soft as he gazes at you.

"He was going to lose his wife." You murmur. Ben was doing it again, seeing through you, understanding you even without knowing the whole story. It was like he always had a way of laying you bare, able to see your thoughts and secrets even though he wasn't a mind reader. "He loves her so much and for him to lose her like that-"

Ben hugs you closer to his chest. "I understand what that's like."

You see where his mind is, see that it's on a beach overseas, with blood soaked sand and your body lying in his arms as you draw your last breath. It hurt you to see the pain in his eyes, the loss even when you were standing right in front of him, even when you were in his arms, pressed against him in the way that always made you think that he was made for you just as the way you were made for him.

How could I ever forget how he made me feel? How wonderful it was to be with him when all you could see was the boy you grew up with?

"I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere. I promise." You kiss him gently on the tip of his nose. It was more to reassure yourself than anything else. Rosemary was not going to react well to seeing him.

Might as well rip the band aid off right now.

The hallway is quiet, carpet plush and thick beneath your shoes and Ben and you make your way to the door at the end of the hallway. The blue paint is supposed to be calming, but your anxiety spikes as you raise your free hand to knock against the front door.

Please let her be here and not be kidnapped by Homelander.

The door opens.

Rosemary is dressed for work. Her maroon scrubs are clean and neat, her dark hair pulled back in a bun, her make up soft. She looks calm, but you can see the coming storm, just as you felt the coming storm outside the building, feel the electricity against your skin before the thunderclouds rose on the horizon. As soon as her eyes meet yours they narrow.

She's pissed.

"What are you doing here? I told you that I didn't need you to watch Lou tonight. Her babysitter is coming." Rosemary glances at Ben once, frown deepening as she notices his hand holding yours. You knew she was still holding back what she wished to say, choosing rather to ignore his presence rather than tear him apart here.

"I know. I'm not here for that. We have to go." You say, not wanting to discuss the full gravity of the situation in the hallway, but Rosemary shifts to block the doorway.

"You're not coming in. Not with him." She spits the word 'him' like it's a curse and you feel Ben's body tense in surprise.

I should have prepared him for this.

"Hi I’m-" Ben begins to say, trying to smooth things over.

"I know who you are." Rosemarys eyes narrow and flick back to you. “I can’t believe you fucking forgave him.”

"I-"

"Before you say you didn't that fucking hickey on your neck says otherwise."

Your cheeks flush bright red in embarrassment, shifting the sweater to hide it again. “Rosie-“

“No no no. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Rosie-“ Ben tries to say.

"Don't you dare call me that." She snarls, face contorting in rage, burning so hot that you could practically feel the air around her raising in temperature. "You don't know me. We're not friends. And I don't care what she says, you're not my dad. You're just the asshole that fucked my mom, got her pregnant and then ripped her heart out." Rosemary spits. “Do you have any idea what you put my mother through? Do you have any idea?"

Ben's body is still tense beside you, pulled so taunt that you don't know how he hasn’t snapped "I know and I apolo-“

“You think one measly apology makes that okay? MAKES ANY OF THIS OKAY?”

“Can we please not do this in the hallway?” You sigh. The last thing you wanted was Mrs. Norbert, Rosemary's prehistoric nosy neighbor coming out into the hall with her yappy French poodle, the same one that always snapped at your ankles and at Lou when you ran into her in the lobby.

“He’s not coming in here.” Rosemary stands her ground in the doorway.

"I know that you’re angry, but I need you to put that aside right now because there are more pressing things we have to worry about.” 

"Like what?" Her eyes narrow at you. "Oh let me guess, you guys fucked again, you're pregnant and now you're going to-"

"Don't you dare speak to her that way." Ben roars trying to step in front of you,  but you put your hand up to stop him.

Rosemary might be your daughter, but to Ben she was someone who insulted you, family or no, he wasn't going to sit back and let her treat you that way.

"Ben." You say once to calm him down. The last thing you wanted was for him to go nuclear right now. "Rosemary please. I know that you're angry, but we're not here for some big reunion. This is more important than any of this. This is about keeping Lou safe."

At the mention of her daughter's name, you see Rosemary's resolve waver. Her eyes flick to Ben again, once more sizing him up. "Fine." She opens the door wider, so Ben and you can come inside the apartment.

The creative chaos of the living room soothes some of your nerves, but not all. This was going poorly. Well, worse than poorly. Rosemary could barely look at Ben let alone speak to him without looking like she'd smelled something rancid.

You knew it would be bad, but you didn't think that it would be like this.

Apart of your heart broke for Ben. You saw how he acted in the car when you told him he was a father, how upset he'd been at the thought of getting you pregnant and then abandoning you. And now Rosemary was basically making him feel like a deadbeat probably wasn't helped either.

All you hoped was that Ben wasn't focusing on what his father used to say to him about being a disappointment, hoped that he wasn't reliving the memories of everything his father shouted at him at night before Ben fled to the solace of your bedroom.

Because the truth was you weren't disappointed and certainly were not disappointed when you got pregnant. Heartbroken yes. Scared shitless, again yes. But not disappointed, you'd never say that about him or to him, not as long as you lived. You knew exactly what those words would do to him, exactly where they would transport him. And you refused to be the reason Ben was reminded of his father.

"Aunty y/n!" Lou crows as she weaves through the apartment, leaping off the teal colored couch and into your open arms. She squeezes you tightly, burying her face in your neck. To see her safe brings relief washing over you, the same feeling you felt when Rosemary opened the door, but tenfold now knowing that Homelander has not taken either or them.

And he won't ever.

"I missed you." She whispers.

"I missed you too honey." You smile down at your granddaughter. She leans back to glance at her mother who still stands at the front door, holding on to the handle like it's her last nerve. Ben is standing close to you, looking at the little girl in your arms, face impassive, but his eyes betray him, caught somewhere between shock, anger, and just a twinge of guilt.

Please don't be guilty Ben. You think to yourself, trying hard not to reach out and touch him.

"Mommy why were you yelling at aunty y/n?"  Lou looks at where Rosemary stands awkwardly by the door glaring at Ben.

"Because I didn’t tell her my friend Ben was coming." You say rubbing her back softly.

"Him?" She points at Ben.

"Yes. And don't point honey it's rude."

"Hi." Lou gives him a toothless smile and waves her chubby hand at him, her dark hair flopping away from her face as she does so.

Ben blinks at her for a moment, before his mouth begins to quirk in a half smile, shoulders still tense. But you could see that he was trying, and it meant something that he was despite Rosemary practically tearing him a new one in the hallway.

"He looks like mommy." Lou giggles cuddling into your neck to look at him.

It was the one thing that you hadn't prepared Ben for, how much he looked like Rosemary, how similar they were. You knew that somewhere deep down he was probably thinking the same thing.

Rosemary's eyes skate to Ben who stares back at her with the same intensity, but something passes in the air between them, something that you can't place.

"Yes. Yes he does sweetie. Now why don’t you go get your art kit for me, and we’ll go." You put her on the ground and Lou scampers off to her bedroom while the three of you stand there in awkward silence.

"Why do we have to go? I thought you didn’t expose yourself because you didn't go to Russia to get him." Rosemary asks. She still wouldn’t say his name. Then again you weren't expecting her to call him dad.

HA. Like that would ever happen.

Ben scoots closer to you reaching for your hand, but when Rosemary narrows her eyes at him, he pauses halfway. So you take his hand instead. "I did expose myself."

"How? Because of him?"

"Look I get that you're pissed, but I'm asking you to put it aside for one second so we can talk about this."

"Fine." Rosemary crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm listening." She still looks angry.

And you know what you're about to say is going to make her even angrier.

"We went to talk to the TNT Twins and things went south." You begin, swallowing the lump in your throat.

"Why?"

"I'll explain that later. But all you need to know is that things went badly and Homelander showed up."

Rosemary's hands tighten on her biceps so tight that her knuckles turn white at the mention of Homelander. Like you Rosemary didn't have any experience with him, only that she also knew there was something off about him.

"What did you do?" She whispers.

"It's not what she did, it's more what that fucker did." Ben almost spits, his skin heating where it rests in your hand.

"Ben." You say squeezing his hand softly as a warning. He gains control. "There wasn't a choice. We got into a fight-"

Rosemary's eyes widen, inhaling sharply. And before she can stop herself, she touches your shoulder, eyes tracing your body as if looking for injuries. "Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"

"Yes Rosie I'm fine, but he knows who I am and that means-"

"He knows who we are." Her eyes flick in the direction Lou went to grab her bag. "Shit."

"You can say that again." Ben mutters.

"Give me five minutes." Rosemary looks from Ben to you for a moment. "But this doesn't change anything."

"I know. Just go. We'll wait here." You reply with a tight lipped smile.

You hoped that one day this would get easier, that Rosemary would be able to look at Ben or have a conversation with him without killing him. The three of you seemed to be practically immortal, that was a long time to hold a grudge. And you didn't want there to be a division in your family. You'd lived with one before and you didn't want to go back through that, the awkward holidays, passive aggressive letters, and tense conversations. You didn't want that for your new family.

Maybe if I show her how much Ben has changed she'll warm up to him.

"Are you okay?" You whisper.

Ben was looking around the living room with an unreadable expression, flicking through the photos on the back of the couch of Rosemary, You, and Lou to the hand drawn pictures on the refrigerator in the kitchen.

"Ben?"

"Yeah." He mutters. "I'm fine."

But you could tell he wasn't. He wasn't really focusing on anything, and even his tone of voice was strange, hollow, but before you could press him further Rosemary and Lou come back into the room.

"Here let me-" Ben steps forward to take one of the large duffle bags from Rosemary, attempting to help, but Rosemary yanks the bag out of his reach.

"No I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you."

"Rosemary-" You sigh.

"And she doesn’t either." Rosemary gestures to you with the bag. "Do you have any idea what you did to her? How much you hurt her? And now you think you can just waltz back in here and say 'oh I’ll fix it' like you didn’t fuck up her life?"

"Rosemary!" You shout eyes flicking to where Lou was standing with her TMNT  backpack on with wide eyes.

"No. You might not be able to say it to him. But I will. We don’t need you here. We've survived the past forty fucking years without you and we'll survive the next million!"

"Rosemary stop." You step forward this time to move between them, but Rosemary doesn't back down.

"Stop what?" She shouts. "Stop reminding you of what he did? I'm sorry, but I'm not going to just look into his eyes and forgive him like you did-"

"I DID NOT LOOK INTO HIS EYES AND FORGIVE HIM.” You snap, but then stop to take a breath. “We are working through it-"

"Uh-huh sure." Rosemary rolls her eyes. "Just stay away from Lou and from me." She moves around Ben with Lou in tow, storming through the front door of the apartment and leaving you and Ben in the living room.

Oh yeah… This is really working out for the best.

*********************************************************

The ride to Legend's is dead silent, all three hours, broken up only once when you stop for gas, but even then Rosemary won't speak to you. She barely makes eye contact as she takes Lou to the bathroom, leaving Ben and you to stand at the car, watching the rain soak through the cracked pavement outside. But even Ben has been more quiet than usual, staring through the windshield of the car lost in thought, and you didn't ask him to fill the silence. You figured that with everything that happened over the past few hours, Ben deserved some silence.

When Lou and Rosemary got back to the car, Ben had silently taken the car keys from you and slid behind the wheel. He knew how much you hated driving in the rain.

Legend didn't require an introduction to your daughter, but it had been an awkward meeting for Butcher and Hughie who breezed through the front hallway on the way up the stairs to their bedrooms.

And finally when it was just Ben, Rosemary, Lou, and you standing at the foot of the stairs, you still had no idea what to say, or if there really was anything to say. You knew that Rosemary didn't want to talk out everything in front of Lou.

By now it was past midnight and you could see that Lou was already starting to sway on her feet. It was hours past her bedtime, but she was still in good spirits. Lou never seemed to stop smiling, she was happy all the time, excited to try new things, and it always reminded you of the way Rosemary used to be when she was a child and as an adult before she lost her husband.

"Rosemary-" You begin to say, throat tightening.

"I'm going to take Lou to bed. We can talk in the morning." She doesn't look at Ben or you, but you could tell that she was tired. She was still wearing her maroon scrubs, hadn’t changed out of them, too worried about Homelander, but her hair had pulled free of the bun and her makeup was a little more smudged under her eyes now. "Say goodnight Lou."

"Goodnight aunty y/n." Lou says tottering over to you, and you stoop down on the ground to hug her close to your chest the anxiety about Homelander prickling under your skin once more.

“Tomorrow can we paint some?” She gives you a wide toothless smile.

She'd lost one of her front teeth a few days ago, and was particularly proud of the hole it left behind. She'd been excited to meet the tooth fairy, even wrote a thank you note and drew a picture of her holding her tooth out for the fairy.

“Whatever you want sweetie.” You smile as she pulls away, brushing her dark hair from her wide eyes.

But instead of going back to where Rosie is holding out her hand for Lou, she turns and hugs Ben’s leg where he stands next to you. Her head barely reaches the top of his knee, but it doesn't dissuade her from hugging him with all her might.

Ben stiffens, unsure what to do.

“Goodnight Ben.” Lou looks up at him with the same smile she had for you.

You feel your own lips begin to pull up at the edges to see how much Lou wanted Ben to like her, how much she was trying to make him feel at home. It warmed you heart.

Ben looks stunned for a minute, eyes flicking to yours wide, and Rosie looks angry, but slowly, Ben begins to smile. “Goodnight honey.” He rumbles giving her a pat on the head, because he's still not sure exactly how to handle this.

Lou smiles pleased with herself then lets Rosemary take her away waving once from over Rosemary's shoulder at Ben as Rosemary climbs the stairs in the direction of the room that Legend saved for them.

Ben stands there watching them go for a minute, lost in thought. “She doesn’t like me.”

“Lou? She loves you. Of course there’s a lot to love.” You smile, trying to take his hand, but Ben pulls away. His rejection pricks at your heart, you couldn't tell why he was doing that, why he was pulling away from you again.

Is he angry? At me? At Rosemary? Or Is this him being angry at himself all over again?

You thought that he was doing better up until you went to Rosemary’s apartment, thought that he wasn’t as upset about leaving you in the past. But now you weren’t sure.

“There’s a lot to hate.” He mutters, his eyes won't quite meet yours and the fear of him leaving begins to creep back, shuddering through your bones like the chill of a winter wind.

“As there is with anybody-“ You try to recover from his rejection, searching his face to understand why he was acting so different.

“I want Rosie to like me. I’m her father-“ He turns to stare at you, green eyes dark, filled with an clouding of emotions that strike you straight in the heart. It wasn't happiness, it wasn't love, it was something different, something that made a lump lodge itself in the back of your throat.

“I know Ben. She just needs some time-" You begin to say, reaching for him, but Ben steps away from you again, refusing to let you comfort him.

"Why did you tell her all those things about me? Did you really hate me that much?” Ben shouts, voice reverberating up the staircase, so loud that you're sure other people can hear you.

"What are you talking about-"

"All the shit that happened between us. Everything that happened that night. Everything I did-“

"She asked me for the truth and I didn't want to lie to her-" You try to explain.

You hadn't. You wanted her to know the truth about her father, just as she knew that truth about you. You thought that she deserved that. And it wasn't like you told Rosemary when she was three. You told her everything that happened when she was twenty three and she had just started seriously dating her future husband, when she was scared because she’d never felt that way about anyone before. And it reminded you of how you felt about the boy Ben used to be.

"I wish you had. Damnit y/n I'm her father, she should like me!" He seethes, fists clenched. Ben towers over you green eyes blazing in the soft light coming from the lights that line the hallway.

And somewhere deep down you start to feel angry. It comes surging up like the roar of a crowd pricking at the back of your spine until you can’t take it anymore.

"It's been 4 fucking hours since you met her, GIVE HER TIME."

"I can't believe you did this." Ben spits glaring at you.

"Are you serious right now?" Your mouth opens in shock.

Was this just some kind of joke? Is he really mad at me for this? Does he really think that I would do something like this purposely?!

"Did you really hate me that much? Did you really feel the need to turn her against me? Make her not love me?"

"I didn't turn her against you Ben. And I didn’t make her not love you." You snap back. "Yes I was angry with you, but that didn't mean that I didn't want you with me every single second in Rosemary's life.  I didn’t want to do that alone. I shouldn’t have had to but I don't blame you for that. I’ve told you that-“

“Yeah you’re really showing that. You turned her against me. Made me some villain. Made me some monster who fucked you and then left-“

“I THOUGHT THAT’S WHAT YOU DID DIPSHIT!” You poke your finger into his chest. “Just because I’ve chosen to begin to forgive you does not mean I forgot what you did and what you said to me that night. But I’ll say this.”

He tries to open his mouth to retort, but you speak first.

“Every time something happened with Rosemary I turned to tell you and you weren’t there.

When I went into labor I wished you were there to hold my hand and tell me that everything was going to be okay, I wished that you were there smiling down at her when you held her for the first time. When she took her first steps and fell on her butt I wished you were there to swing her around and make her laugh. When I showed her how to paint for the first time I wished that you were there to see how she was covered in paint from head to toe. And I only told her those things about you because she asked and I don’t lie to my family. I’ve never lied to Rosemary and I’ve never lied to you. Ever.”

Ben stands there stuck straight each muscle clenched, wether it be in frustration or anger you don’t care. Your own anger was coming back, unlocking from the place you shoved it down when you thought you needed to be the perfect person you wanted others to see you as and not the broken girl who lived with a hole in her heart for so long.

“And yeah maybe you can be in here and pout and fucking blame me for her hating you. And maybe I shouldn’t have told her those things but I did.  I told her the good and the bad about you just as she knows the good and the bad about me. She can make her own decisions because she’s a damn adult. And don’t you dare say that I didn’t want you there every second.  Because I did. Even though you fucking ripped my heart out and stomped all over it I still wished that you could have been there for her, could have filled her life with love as much as I did.”

"But you still did it." Ben growls.

And you realize that maybe this is it, maybe that this is the one thing that pushes him away from you.

"Fine. Hate me if you want. I'm going to get a drink. Don’t  follow me." You snap before turning and stomping towards the kitchen, away from him, all the while hoping that he’ll follow after you.

But he doesn’t.

Despite wanting to grab one of the bottles of whiskey in Legend's kitchen, you restrain yourself and instead turn to the coffeemaker. It was fancier than yours, but you supposed that coffee would taste the same. You busy yourself with the steps of making the coffee to stop going over what you and Ben just yelled at one another, but your hands were still shaking.

Did he really think I didn't want him there? I mean yeah I was pissed from everything that happened, but I didn't want Rosemary to grow up without a father. I would have told him eventually that I was pregnant, I didn't want to do that alone.

You pour yourself a cup of coffee and lean back against the counter as you take a sip remembering the day you took the pregnancy test. It was more obvious than anything else, not the lack of your period but the morning sickness. You never got sick. You remembered being afraid at first, the thought of raising a child alone scared you. You weren't sure you even wanted to be a mother, because of everything yours put you through. But then you thought of Ben. Yes you hated him, but the baby might be the last part of him that existed anywhere. If you decided not to have it, Ben would really be gone and you would be alone all over again. So you decided to have Rosemary and you never regretted that decision. Especially now that she had Lou.

You roll the cup in your hands, feeling the warmth of the mug transfer into your palms.

Maybe I shouldn't have told her everything I did. But she knows everything about me. She knows that I killed Countess. She knows the good and bad about me. It felt unfair to only tell her the good about Ben, she deserves to know the truth. She's just upset. Honestly, she's also a upset with me as well for forgiving him or partially forgiving him.

You move to the kitchen table, stretching out in the worn wooden chair and place your mug down on the circular dark wood table. You wanted Rosemary to warm up to him, but at the same time you didn't want to get in between them. She needed to do this for herself and you didn't want to force them together.

You hear someone enter the kitchen. Probably Ben. But when you look up you realize that it's Butcher.

He stands just on the edge as if he's debating whether or not he wants to come in.

"Didn't realize you were still up." He raises an eyebrow. "Trouble in paradise love?"

"You realize that the V is completely out of your system right now right? And I could slowly peel your skin from your body with my mind if I wanted to?" You mirror his eyebrow raise while taking a sip of coffee.

"Eh. Worse ways to go." Butcher shrugs. "Anything stronger in here than coffee?"

"Top cabinet above the refrigerator. The good stuff is in the back. Legend usually tries to hide it from himself."

“Why?”

“Because he thinks it’s a waste to drink the good stuff when he’s really drunk and can’t appreciate it.”

“Seems fair.” Butcher finds the bottle of whiskey easily, moving to the cabinets to find a glass. “You want a cuppa?”

“I told myself I wasn’t going to-“ You pause for a moment thinking of how wonderful it would be if you could just forget for a few minutes. “But sure.”

“Coffee not working?”

“It never has.” You take the cup gratefully from his outstretched hand as Butcher folds himself into the chair next to you. It was weird to say the least. The only thing he had done was act hostile to you and now him being nice was enough to give you whiplash.

The rest of the house was completely silent, except the soft turn of pages. You figured that meant Rosie was reading one of her books to distract herself from everything that happened earlier.

I should be in there talking to her. Trying to explain all this.

But you were tired and still reeling from your fight with Ben and didn’t feel like getting into it with Rosemary for the second time today.

“So why’d you do it?” Butcher takes a big swig from the glass in front of him.

“What?”

“You lied about your powers to Vought for years. Why?”

You roll the glass between your fingers, watching the amber colored liquid slosh against the sides. “I’ll answer that if you answer my question.”

Butcher pauses. “Fine.”

“What did Homelander do to your wife?”

Butcher freezes, leaning back in his chair, one hand on his thigh curling into a fist.

"Legend told me that you had this thing for him because of it-" You continue cocking your head to the side examining Butcher's sudden tense stance.

“Not important.”

“Then I guess you won’t find out more about me.” You shrug.

After the past few days you didn't understand how you were here drinking with Butcher of all people. You still didn't completely trust him and you didn't like that he wanted to use Ben like he was his own personal nuclear bomb.

You both sit in the silence for a few minutes waiting for the other to break.

“He raped her.”

The words are heavy, expelled in a breath after Butcher drains his glass. For a minute you see his tough exterior crack, see the vulnerability in his stature, but then it's gone again. You feel your heart thud once in your chest, jaw locking. It only proved again how messed up Homelander was.

“Is she-"

"She's dead." He pours himself another full glass from the bottle of whiskey.

"I'm sorry." You whisper, starting to understand why he hated Homelander so much. Honestly if Homelander did something like that to my family I would rip him limb from limb.

For the first time since you met Butcher, you feel sorry for him, you understand where the sadness in his gaze comes from and where the tough exterior seems to mask the vulnerability underneath.

But at the same time, you refused to underestimate him.

Butcher nods once then glances over at you expectantly as if re-asking his question with only a look.

“It’s never been about the power for me. Or about proving how powerful I was to other people. I got the injection because Ben asked me to. It wasn't because I wanted to be superhuman or god-like or special. Plus I figured as soon as Vought or the government found out what I could really do then I’d never see the light of day again.”

"But how did you keep it a secret from Vought? They have so many fucking connections." He presses.

"Honestly Ben and I didn't figure it out until the 60s."

"Why is that?"

"The first time I died it wasn't a supe that killed me so there wasn't a change. But later when more supes started coming out of the woodwork, that's when we realized it. And I didn't care."

"Somehow you had to care." Butcher leans forward in his chair, looking at you like you're crazy.

"I didn't have a reason to. Ben liked the spotlight and I didn't."

“Is that why you stopped being Indigo?”

“It’s my turn to ask a question cowboy.” You tap your glass with a smile. “Who’s Ryan?” You had heard Hughie and Butcher whisper the name a few times, figured that it was another supe they were planning to merc.

He hesitates. “Homelander’s kid.”

“He has a kid?” Your mouth drops open in shock.

How does Butcher know that? Is it because he's so obsessed with Homelander that he's going to ask Ben to go after Homelander's son? No. No way. Like hell I'm gonna let this guy kill a kid.

You try to think of a reason why Vought would keep Homelander's son out of the media, a reason why they wouldn't show that the golden boy had a perfect son.

“But how I mean-“ You stop tracing Butcher's face, watching the way his eyes harden, and how his jaw locks together and you realize why Butcher knows about Homelander's kid. “Your wife.”

Butcher doesn’t answer, doesn't confirm what you've said, instead he pours more from the bottle into his glass.

Wow that’s fucked up.

“I’d say I'm sorry again, but I don’t think it’s going to help and honestly I thought my life was way more fucked up than yours. Guess not.” You take a sip from the glass in front of you. It burns pleasantly as it travels down you throat reminding you how much you missed it. “It got old quick.”

“What did?” Butcher looks up from the wooden table.

“Being a hero dealing with all that Vought shit. Plastering a smile on my face, flaunting in front of the cameras, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Ben liked it. He was always in the spotlight, the golden boy and I was too, but we’d been doing it for years and I always- I don’t know- wanted a family.”

Your mind suddenly goes back to the night you told Ben that, the night that you told him what you wanted and how today Ben professed that he wanted to be the one to give you those things, always had wanted to give you those things.

The fight you just had resurfaces in your mind, thinking of how angry he was at you for telling Rosemary the truth about him.

I made my choice. She made hers. One day I think she'll warm up to him, but until then he's just going to have to get through this.

Just because you believed that did not make it any easier. Your heart was tearing in two. You wanted Rosemary to love him the way you did, but at the same time you were scared all over again that this would all be too much for Ben, too dramatic. He didn't like drama, never seemed to.

“Really?” Butcher doesn’t look convinced by your confession.

“Yeah. Plus I was pregnant with Soldier Boy's kid. Vought was obsessed with Ben and I know that if they knew about Rosemary they wouldn't hesitate to take her away. It would have been worse if they knew what my power was. I doubt they would have let either of us vanish into thin air. But even before that I was seriously thinking about getting out-“

“And Soldier Boy fucking Countess was the final nail in the coffin eh?” Butcher's smirk makes your stomach flip flop.

You were still trying to forget that. Really trying to forget that.

“Yeah.” You grumble into the glass momentarily remembering the night at the premiere, but this time seeing them together doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. And instead it’s replaced by Ben the past few days, the one that continued to reassure you of his love, the one who continued to hold you close to him, the one that kissed you whenever he could, the one who patiently waited for you, and the one who reminded you of the boy you lost all those years ago.

Butcher watches you for a moment. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard.”

You look at him surprised. It was the first time that Butcher seemed to actually, well, give a shit.

“Thanks. It was.” You wait a second. “So how did you meet Hughie?”

“Why is that important?”

“Because he’s nothing like you. He’s a good kid.”

“You sayin I ain’t a good person love?”

“Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Butcher has the audacity to smile. “You know what I think? I think you pretend to be a good person but you’re really just a bitch who probably didn’t get enough hugs as a kid.”

You lean back in your chair feigning shock. “Is it that obvious?”

He shakes his head with a chuckle. “I don’t see how you got mixed up with Soldier Boy in the first place.”

“I did tell you.”

“What?”

“I didn’t lie about some of the things I said to you the first time we met. Ben and I grew up together. We were friends before all of this.”

“And you what? Followed him?”

“Something like that.”

Butcher sits there for a second tapping his finger on the crystal glass in his hand. Everything in Legend's home was vintage or old, the glasses included. You could remember drinking out of these same glasses years ago, on the porch behind Legend's house the day you realized you were pregnant and you told him you were leaving.

Legend didn't know, but you think deep down he did. Anyone who knew Ben couldn't dismiss how much Rosemary looked like him. Not to mention Legend knew what happened that night between the two of you.

Butcher opens his mouth, but as he does, Ben appears in the kitchen doorway. He still looks a little angry, frown prominent on his face, but his green eyes look from the glass to Butcher to you.

"That's my cue." Butcher grunts. "See you in the morning poppet." He vanishes down the hallway behind Ben leaving the two of you alone in the kitchen. It seems smaller with him standing there in the door, blocking most of it with his broad shoulders and wide stance.

"Are you going to come to bed?" He crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the doorway.

"Are you going to start yelling at me again?" You raise an eyebrow.

"I wasn’t fucking yelling." Ben grumbles. "And even if I was, you weren't exactly whispering."

"Sounded like yelling to me." You frown at him, before looking down at your glass again.

So much for an apology. Then again I probably owe him one too.

Ben’s jaw tightens. “Please come to bed.” His voice is composed, but you can still hear the tinge of his anger  seep through.

"Surprised you said please. Finally using those manners I've heard so much about." You snark before you can stop yourself.

That is not helping anything.

"Come to bed." His teeth are gritted together.

“Why?"

"Because I said so."

"You are not my dad Ben. You can't just order me around."

"Just fucking come to bed!" He snaps straightening from the door, eyes blazing.

"Why is it so important I come to bed Ben? You need me to read you a bedtime story or something? Or is it because you want to have sex? I hate to break it to you, but I don’t really feel like having sex with you right now. And I don't think I will anytime soon if we keep fucking fighting about stupid-“

“Because I can’t sleep without you there damnit! I never have been able to even when we were fucking kids!"

You pause shocked. Ben had never admitted that before. You were still trying to get used to when he admitted that he loved you how open and vulnerable he’d been, but this-

He’s frowning at you waiting for you to say something, but when you don’t. He turns and stalks back towards the stairs to descend into the basement where the bedroom the two of you were sharing was.

Guilt breaks something in your chest, because now sitting out here felt like a punishment for him and you didn't think that was right.

Damn it.

You wash out the mug in the sink  followed by the glass, but you look at the half-full bottle on the table.

Maybe I should bring it with me?

It swings from your hand as you walk down the dimly lit hallway descending into the fully furnished basement. You weren't thrilled with the room, had insisted that Legend change the sheets and spray down the room before you could sleep in there. You knew him, and knew exactly what had happened Legend's house since he had it custom built years ago.

Ben is sitting on the edge of the bed, smoking a blunt that he probably got from Butcher, who seemed to have an endless supply for Ben, much to your annoyance.

"I'm such a fucking pussy. I shouldn't have said that." He mutters more to himself than to you. His gaze is lowered on the shag carpet.

It was the first time that you'd heard him say something like that since he came back to you, something that sounded more like Soldier Boy than the boy you grew up with, sounded more like Ben's father.

"Ben." You sigh, putting the bottle on the bedside table, before you tilt his head back to look at you, hand cupping his chin. "You're not a pussy. I can't sleep without you either and there’s nothing wrong with that.  I don't want you to feel like you can't say stuff like that to me. I love you and I won't judge you for that or think less of you. I will judge you for saying stupid shit like you did earlier."

“I’m sorry.” He sighs out a breath of smoke. “I just hate that she doesn’t like me. I’m her father she should like me-“ He repeats the same idea from earlier.

“She just needs to warm up to you."

“Maybe.” Ben mutters. "Or maybe she won't."

He looks upset. But not his usually angry upset, more disappointed and you decide that’s worse. Ben was so strong and didn’t allow himself to give in to his emotions the same way everyone else did. You hated that about him, but you were the only person who knew why. Ben's father had made him believe that showing emotion made you weak, you were there a few times that he yelled at Ben, heard the horrible things that he shouted at his only son, and it broke your heart. If it was your lot in life to bring him peace, to show him love, and to teach him that it was okay to be vulnerable, you happily would bear that cross.

You gently push back on his shoulder so he’ll move his forearms where they rest on his thighs and so you can sit on his lap. Ben’s arm comes around your waist to hold you to him, while the other continues to rest between you when he takes another drag from the blunt. “Ben, I promise she will.” Your knees rest on either side of his hips as you balance on him, ignoring the urge to wrinkle your nose at the smell.

“Your family never seems to like me.”

“She’s your family too and Lou loves you.” You brush his hair back from his face and he leans forward into your touch. "She's an excellent judge of character. Pretty soon she's gonna be drawing you in the family portraits and once that happens you're in, there's nothing stopping you."

Ben's mouth twitches but he doesn’t smile. "She's cute."

“She is. And if she likes you, you’re doing something right.” You smile at him. “And my family liked you it was just my mom who thought you were the devil. My brother thought that you were okay and my dad liked you plenty. Remember he never ratted you out when you slept in my room?”

“He was a good man. We would talk sometimes.” Ben blows out a lungful of smoke and this time your nose wrinkles at the offensive smell, before you realize what he’s just admitted.

Ben notices your discomfort and flicks the blunt into the ashtray shaped like a naked woman on the bedside table.

“About what?” Your father had never mentioned any conversation with Ben or at least you didn't remember him saying anything about Ben, beside your father's usual questions as to what Ben and you were going to do that day.

“You.” Ben whispers, not meeting your eye.

“When?”

“Sometimes I’d come try to see you when you were out with Howard." Ben sighs his name. "Ended up talking with your dad.”

“Are you serious?”

He nods hands gently stroking along your waist.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you came by?”

“Didn’t think it was important Sweetheart.” Ben pauses eyes flicking up sheepishly to look at you. "I didn't want you to think that I was hanging around waiting for you to get back. I was but-" You can tell that it pains him to say it, like he didn't want to admit he cared, but the thought that he came by to check on you made you happy.

“What did you say about me?”

Ben presses his lips together.

“Ben?”

“He wanted to know how your artwork was coming along, what we had done in the past week. Stuff like that. One time he said he didn’t like Howard either.”

“What?" Your hands tighten on Ben's shoulders in shock.

“He said that he hated the way you looked whenever Howard came around and then he said if he was gonna give his permission for anyone to marry you it was going to be me.” Ben shrugs it off as if he hasn’t said the most shocking thing you’ve ever heard in your life.

Your father would ask you about Ben occasionally and only when your mother left the room. He always seemed pleased when Ben would come pick you up, one time he gave Ben some money so he could buy tickets when you both went to a carnival, but you had no idea that they had talked about Ben marrying you.

“Hold on. Did you-" You pause for a second. "Did you ask my father if you could marry me?”

“No.” Ben answers quickly.

“Well then did he say why he didn't like Howard?"

“He said he liked how happy I made you. Said that you would always be singing in your room after you saw me.” Ben smiles one of his hands curving around your hip to hold you steady on his lap. “I told him I was sorry he had to hear that. You have many talents y/n, but singing is not one of them.”

“I don’t want to hear it from you. There’s about a million tapes of you trying to sing, not to mention you trying to dance. I wanted to jump out the window when you dragged me to that Solid Gold Music Video shoot.“ You roll your eyes at him.

Ben presses a hand to his chest as if offended. “You don’t like the way I dance? Because I happen to remember a few times that we’ve danced together and you certainly seemed to be having a good time.”

“I’m a good actress.”

“Sure.” Ben snorts. “Then again I think I’m good a few other things too. Things that I wouldn’t mind showing you sometime.” His arm wraps around your waist as he pulls you into his chest, lips catching along the shadow of your jaw.

“You’re awfully sure of yourself I’ll say that.”  You laugh.

"Mhmm." The rumble of his answer seems to vibrate down your spine spreading warmth in its wake.

"Ben." You warn, as his hands begin to play with the bottom of your shirt.

"I know." He whispers raising his eyes again to look at your face with a soft smile, but you can still see a flicker of disappointment behind them.

Deep down you knew that you were getting closer to forgiving him, but it had only been two days, and everything between the two of you was still a little rocky. You wanted things to calm down again before you took that big step with Ben again. You didn't want to rush it, and you could see that Ben didn't want to either.

"How about tonight, we do something a little different." You trace your index finger over his lips, loving the soft curve beneath the pad of your fingertip.

"What do you mean?" He looks confused.

"You'll see." You murmur against his lips as you drop your mouth down to his, losing yourself in him all over again.

*********************************************************

A/N: I know it's been a while guys and I know it's crazy to end it on another cliffhanger but... I'm sorry, not sorry? I hope y'all enjoyed this one. I'm sorry it took me a while to get it out, the writer's block is turning into a soul sucking abyss, but honestly, what's new? 😂 Hope that y'all enjoyed this one and I'm excited to hear what y'all think!

As always thank you so much for reading! If you'd like to be added to my taglist for the series let me know:)

(Also if you have asked to be apart of the taglist and you are not being notified- I am trying to fix it, but it's being weird. Please let me know if you haven't received a notification.)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs @bughill126 @simplyfixated

[bueckers-babygirl]

Care for me (Paige bueckers x black!fem!reader)

Summary: You want to give Paige a peaceful self-care day, but it doesn't go how you thought it would

“Babe, is it supposed to burn” Paige fans her face as the green mask burns her skin. “Yes! That means it’s working” you said applying some to your face after putting your island twists into a ponytail. Paige had been stressed because of her big game, and you thought having a self-care day would be a good idea to ease her nerves. “Baby, it hurts so bad! Help me” Paige says, running around to the bathroom. You start to laugh as you stop her and grab her face. You made the split-second decision to blow on her face to try and ease the pain. “Did that help” you asked, trying to stifle your laugh. “Barely…but thanks” she says with a laugh, giving you a quick peck.

After you both wipe the Aztec mask from your skin, you attempt to make a healthy meal together. “I think this is what it’s supposed to look like” You look at the Pinterest inspiration picture and then back at the meal you tried to make. A weird green mess made the apartment smell like smoke and another unknown scent. “This looks awful…what was this even supposed to be,” Paige says, poking at the meal. “I don't know man….it was supposed to be this cute keto meal to give you energy and like, clean your gut or something” A wave of disappointment came over your body as you picked up the plate and threw it in the trash. Paige notices the change in your demeanor and comes behind you to hold your waist. “How about I order us some Chipotle and we can just sit and finish our little self-care day after, hm” Paige says kissing your neck. “I guess…we should learn how to cook though,” You say as Paige laughs behind you.

You ordered Chipotle and spent most of the night watching Netflix. Even though you were having a good time, you still felt guilty that you couldn’t give your wonderful girlfriend the self-help day she truly deserved. You were both sat on the couch when paige noticed your mood has changed yet again. “Whats wrong, I thought you werent upset about the food anymore” she said, tilting your chin up with your fingers tp look at her. “Im not just mad about that,” you said getting up from your seat. “It’s the whole day! I accidentally burned your face, I made trash food that made the apartment smell like burning shit, and now were just sitting here bored as hell watching new girl for the fifth time” you rambled on until paige took your hand while laughing. “Babe, I had so much fun today, regardless of all that, just being here with you helped me relieve my stress” she kissed your forehead before looking into your eyes. “Aw, that was really corny paige, but also very sweet” You said while paige rolled her eyes. 

All of a sudden you remembered one thing you still had planned. You pushed Paige out of the way leaving her confused. You then came back into the room with a flower Lego set. “I completely forgot about this” You said jumping you and down. Paige’s eyes lit up as you ran to her with the set. You then spent the rest of the night in your pajamas building the set in your bedroom. “This was so worth getting my face burned for” Paige says as finishes the final piece of the bouquet. She looks over at you for approval, only to see you fast asleep in your purple bonnet and her sweatshirt. She looks at you fondly before pulling the covers over you and giving you a kiss goodnight. Paige soon slipped in next to you after proudly putting the plastic project on your nightstand, hoping you will tell her how beautiful it is in the morning.

Hope yall liked this one! This was actually so much fun to write <3

[the-10th-narcissisticnerd]

UNFAIRLY PUNISHED

Alessia Russo x Reader

Days at the Arsenal WFC Youth Academy can be hard. You know, weeks can get very long until matchday finally comes. However, it seemed as though this week, everyone was on edge. The team was playing Chelsea on Saturday and that got everyone's nerves spiking. As a professional team, you would expect the players to be focused and serious and they are, except for, well... you know... Y/n. She can't deal with the intensity so she's always messing around trying to get out some smiles and she almost always succeeds, that is until coach or skipper get seriously annoyed. Today's victim unfortunately was none other than the Alessia Russo.

It's 9am on a Tuesday morning and everyone is cranky and trying to get things over with. Unfortunately, that wasn't something that would turn off Y/n's chirpy attitude. Chirpy attitudes are okay but Y/n came with an extra dose of mischief. The only thing she could think of to bother her coach was to ''borrow'' his clipboard (which had all of today's practice laid out) that was casually lying on a chair while he was in the toilet. Smiling down at the clipboard she saw Alessia approaching her and the perfect idea popped into her head.

''Hey Y/n.''

''Heyyy Less.'' She greeted, hiding the object behind her back and smiling a tad too much.

''What's up with you?'' the blonde chuckled, totally oblivious.

The pair really got on. They often shared playful banter and loved to hang out with each other. Probably it had something to do with the fact that they stared at each other a little longer than they would anyone else, or he fact that their first instinct was to look for one another when they stepped into a room. It is perhaps because all of these reasons that Y/n loved to tease her and Alessia would never really get mad.

''Nothing much, how are you this morning?''

''Ugh, so tired already and it's not even Wednesday.''

Just then, Y/n heard the toilet flush from the other side of the door and saw the perfect opportunity to set her plan in motion.

''Less, quick. Don't ask. Close your eyes and hold out your hands.'' She blurted quickly.

''Huh? What-''

''Ah ah ah, no questions.''

With a deeps sigh, she reluctantly obeyed. The taller girl quickly left the clipboard in the blonde's hands and made a silent run to the pitch. Just as coach exited the bathroom, Alessia opened her eyes and curiously inspected what was left in her hands.

''Um, Alessia Russo! What do you think you're doing?'' he yelled, snatching the clipboard.

Startled by her coach's shout she turned around and realised the situation she was caught in.

''Oh, no. Sir this is not-'' the blonde's desperate attempts to prove her innocence were in vain as coach was already cranky enough.

''Don't you dare tell me this is not what it is because I am having none of it today. 10 laps for you.''

''But-''

''No buts, and they will be after training.'' At the statement, Alessia's eyes widened knowing she would be far too tired to do them after training. Huffing, she headed for the pitch, frustrated at her friend's antics. As Y/n saw the blonde stomping towards her she smiled triumphantly.

''Aw, why the long face Less?''

''I'm going to kill you. I have to do 10 laps now!'' she complained throwing her hands in the air.

''Oh, no! Bummer.'' Y/n complained back, mocking Alessia in the process.

''And they have to be after training.''

''Well, I did hear you the other day whining about how you wanted to work on your endurance.'' Annoyed the blonde slapped her friend's arm and looked at the ground as they both saw their coach coming into sight. Y/n stared at the girl from her superior height and felt a bit guilty. She bent down her head and whispered into her ear. ''He does seem angry. I'll run them with you.''

At the proposal, Alessia lifted her head and met those brown orbs that always starstruck her. Not needing to say anything else in return she sent her a light hearted smile and instantly, the anger dissipated.

[leviscolwill]

rúben blurb — #1

you can all thank dilara for rotting my brain with dad!ruben thoughts, also i think this singlehandedly cured my parents issues

you hated loosing your patience with your daughter, but tatiana drawing on her bedroom wall was your last straw after a long day of terrible news. you always felt awful for screaming at her, especially after the big brown eyes she got from her father welled up with tears.

you let her stay with rúben while you tried to distract yourself with grocery shopping. when you opened your front door still guilty about the whole screaming fit, your house was nothing like when you left it. it was now filled with laughter and a divine smell was luring you to the kitchen. but before you could take a step inside and find out the object of your craving, rúben's tall figure blocked the entry.

“no, no. you take a seat, i have a special chef cooking something for you.” he added a little wink, a silent ‘don't worry, i got this’. you sat down waiting for your little surprise, that revealed itself soon enough, in the shape of a lovely 6 year old girl covered in flour, her tiny hands full of a big plate of pancakes.

“i'm sorry mommy, i didn't want to make you mad.” her little voice, made you forget about every other trivial matters of today. you immediately took tati on your lap, and stroked her hair.

“i wasn't mad at you meu anjo (my angel), mommy just had a bad day. i shouldn't have screamed at you, i'm sorry tati.” you covered your daughter's face and hair of little kisses when rúben joined you two and placed a kiss on both your heads, before taking a seat next to you.

“did you cook these by yourself baby?” you asked to your daughter pointing at the perfect pancakes, she laughed a bit and shook her head.

“no daddy helped me, but i cracked the eggs myself!”

“did you now? i'm so proud of you my little chef, you might have to replace daddy soon.” you knew tatiana was over the moon with the little tasks that were handed to her, and you took the opportunity to tease your husband as well.

his large, flour covered, hand, squeezed your cheeks together, “i'll always be my girls' chef, but i can take a little rat under my hat.”

[aphroditeinthesea]

“ guilty as sin ii ”

jason grace x fem!reader

part two of guilty as sin | pt. 1

a/n the vote was split, so there’s no intense smut but insinuation and make out (overly descriptive bc i didnt want it to be just smutty)

. ݁₊ ⚡︎ . ݁ ⁺₊

Death seemed like a nice concept that night. Everything that had happened seemed like too much. Either Piper was going to kill her or Jason and Piper make up and kill her together. Which was worse? She laid awake in bed that night fantasizing about throwing herself to the wolves or the ocean rocks. These were different from her regular fatal fantasies of Jason, the ones that left her feeling as though her bed sheets were ablaze and all she wanted to do was scream his name. She bit her lip as she looked around the cabin at her sleeping siblings. She was absolutely envious of the peace they all felt.

She never could’ve imagined that Jason felt the same towards her. She started wondering the options, if she did go for him, would she be bad? If she didn't, would she be mad? Or wise? Not wise. She decided she could never be wise. Someone wise wouldn't have let this go one for so long. Someone wise wouldn't be thinking about guys during everything going on. There were so many things to worry about, and instead, she was worrying about a love affair.

She felt her stomach turn and decided to stand up. She walked into the bathroom just to check her hair. It was frizzy from her pillow, so she urgently tried to brush it down, but in a panic, threw down her brush. Unfortunately for her, she did so too aggressively, causing it to slip off and into the toilet.

“Oh my gods,” she whispered, she looked up to the ceiling, “good one, Aphrodite.” She huffed, deciding to leave it there. She slowly walked out of the bathroom, to the cabin door. She took a deep breath as she left her cabin. She tried to be quick, so no one saw her.

She reached cabin one, knocking on the door. There was a shuffle of noise inside before the son of Jupiter opened the door for her. There he stood, wearing nothing but blue pajama pants that were low enough to sow the band of his boxers. She swore that her heart stopped at the sight.

“Y/N,” he spoke, his voice cracking, “I was just thinking about you.”

She walked in. She swallowed before breathing out questioningly, “Piper?”

He shut the door behind her. He bit his lip just next to his scar, “I broke up with her,” he led her over to his bed to sit with him, “she took it well. She told me that she could feel that I was in love with someone else, she just didn't want to believe it.”

“Did you tell her that it was because of me?”

“She knew before I even had a chance to tell her.”

“I feel awful,” she frowned as she thought of how she must have one of her best friends to feel so low.

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine,” he responded, “I shouldn't have kissed you. I couldn't live with that guilt if I had stayed with her.”

“I shouldn't have thrown that all at you like that,” she admitted, “Annabeth was right.”

“What did Annabeth say?”

She sighed, “that I shouldn't go after you because of Piper. But you have no idea how you’ve haunted me so stunningly.”

“The feelings would’ve killed one of us.”

She chuckled, “what a way to die.”

He smiled, lightly resting a hand on her back. She looked up at him, cupping the smooth skin of his face with her hands, she hesitated before pressing her lips against his. His muscular arms wrapped around her to pull her onto his lap to straddle him. His hands wandered to grip onto the bottom of her.

“Jason,” she hummed as she let her hands move down to now be feeling his abdomen.

He smiled into the kiss before his tongue carved its way into her mouth. He leaned back, letting her hover him. Their kisses got sloppier as they both grew impatient. The way his lips felt was so different from her dreams and fantasies of him. His lips weren’t as soft as she imagined, they were chapped but she couldn't even pay attention to that as they were slowly pulling at her own. His calloused fingers trailed up her shirt, drawing circles on her back.

Her body tensed as she felt an electric shock course through her.

He froze, quickly pulling his hand away, “I’m sorry, my gods, are you okay?”

She nodded, “I’m fine,” she leaned back into him, “do that again.”

“What?”

“Do it again,” she mumbled against his lips.

His hand traced her stomach, he locked his eyes with hers waiting for a signal. When she nodded, he took a deep breath before gently shocking her again.

She let out a soft groan, “oh my gods.”

He worriedly looked up at her, “was that okay?”

She brushed her lips against his, “yeah, thanks.”

He smirked, “thanks?”

She laughed, bringing her hands to brush along his cheekbones, “you know what I mean.” She rolled off of him, she awkwardly scooted to now be leaning on the headboard of his bed.

He smiled at her before crawling up to be in front of her. He connected their lips once again, her body now pressed against his pillows, which cushioned her as he pinned her further into his mattress.

His lips suddenly stopped moving. He opened his eyes just to look at her and really examine every inch of her face.

“What?”

“Sorry,” he whispered, “you're just beautiful.”

She felt blood rush to her cheeks, “thank you.”

He wetly kissed her jaw, “it’s true.”

“Hm,” she grinned as she began to thread her fingers through his hair, “you're not too bad either, Grace.”

He nibbled at the skin of her neck, carefully marking her up, blowing on the skin after leaving his mark. She knew in the morning she would be playing with her concealer, trying to figure out how to cover it up, but that was a problem for future her. Right now her entire world revolved around the boy who was on top of her.

He reached her chest with his lips. His blue eyes looked up at her like a doe, “is this okay?” he asked as he held onto the edge of her shirt.

“Yes, Jason,” she replied, moving up her arms so he could easily peel it off of her. He slowly did so, making sure she was comfortable the whole time. He threw the shirt onto the floor before turning his attention back to Y/N. Her breath hitched at the cool air of the cabin, but was too distracted by the body heat radiating off of Jason to care.

He continued to softly kiss down her chest and stomach. He began to carefully pull down her pajama pants. “Y/N?”

She looked down at him, “yeah, Jase?”

“You're okay, right?”

She insistently nodded, “of course,” she desperately wanted to follow up with please, please, please touch me, but that seemed a little embarrassing, so she restrained herself.

He hesitated to speak again, “I’ve never done this before,” he admitted, “so I don't really know what I’m doing.”

She giggled, “that’s okay, Jason,” she responded, “me neither.”

She felt hair tickling her jaw and arms around her. She turned to see the blond holding tightly onto her as he slept soundly. She grinned, gently brushing her fingers along his bicep.

He looked up, opening his eyes, “good morning,” he smiled. He pressed a kiss to her jaw, his hand felt down her body that was covered by one of his t-shirts, “how are you feeling?”

She moved around to now be facing him, “I’m amazing, what about you?”

“I”m good,” he kissed her lips, a feeling that she could never get enough of, “I just wanted to make sure that you're not in pain or anything.”

“I’m okay,” she held onto his jaw, “I promise.”

He nodded, “I believe you, Y/N.”

She realized then that everything she had been feeling was finally fresh out the slammer.

—

corny ending, sorry

[pink-tk-a-latte]

if you could sit in a barrel, maybe

[sfw tickle fic!! possible claustrophobia. lee!venti, ler!lumine]

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ༄ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ༄ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ༄

“Well… this is troublesome.”

Lumine hissed as she squeezed Venti closer to her. “You’re the one who got us here.” Venti laughed, breathless as the Traveler choked him.

The wooden walls of the barrel did nothing to muffle the heavy footsteps shaking the tavern floor. Lumine’s ears could pick up the clinking of chains on the suit of the tavernkeeper (Diluc, because of course it was Diluc). The air was stuffy, it smelled sour, and, as hard as she blinked, Lumine could see nothing but darkness and the not-even-guilty outline of Venti’s face squished against his braids.

“Aw, don’t be mad, my dear. I just wanted some birthday wine! However could we celebrate without wine?” Venti whispered pitifully, head cradled in Lumine’s lap. His feet scuffed on the side of the barrel — she felt her lungs still.

Every noise was like a firecracker in this suffocating, pitch-black space. At each incensed footfall outside and each too-sharp breath or shuffle within the curved planks, Lumine’s arms stiffened around the bard in her hold. If only I could be silent enough for the both of us.

Venti kicked his leg again, twitching with excited energy. Lumine’s heart rocketed. The steps on the floorboards had stopped. She stuck her hands under Venti’s arms and tugged him close.

Then his entire body flinched, a squeak shooting out of his mouth. Lumine clenched her teeth as the barrel shook.

“Venti!”

“Sorry!” Venti wriggled as much as he could, the tiniest wispy giggles sprouting from his lips. “Wahaha— Your hahands!”

Lumine sighed. A twitchy smile pulled at her cheeks. “Oh, Ven. Just try to be quiet.”

Mute, Lumine scribbled under Venti’s arms. She chuckled softly at his nervous choke.

“Lu- Luhumihine! AHaha- NaHAhat now! Stop t- tihihi— Stahap thahahat!”

“What? Tickling you?” Lumine grinned as Venti quivered and whined in a flustered flurry. She dragged her fingers between his upper ribs, teasing at the edge of his dancing corset.

“EHee yehehehes! Stop tihihicklihing!”

“Stop being so ticklish then.” In this moment of warmth and giddy suspense, Lumine forgot all need for stealth. There was something thrilling about breaking the rules, toeing the line and trying not to get caught.

Lumine traced the hems of Venti’s dress shirt, scratching up his forearms and around his underarms. Hysterical, he squealed into her clothes and squirmed. Lumine could feel the vibrations of his lyre-sweet laughter running through her abdomen (and she tried to pretend it didn’t affect her in a giggly way at all).

“EEHE! Dihiluhuhuc will hehehehear!” Venti pleaded. “He’ll be sohoho mahaHAhad!”

Now you’re worried? “Well, maybe you deserve it.” With a huff, Lumine patted down his torso, searching for his hips. “This was all your idea anyway, you little wiggleworm.” Ah, bingo. She slipped her fingers into the hole in Venti’s shorts, tracing circles into soft, sensitive skin where his shirt had ridden up.

All the while, Venti was gnawing on his braids to muffle himself, a wail leaping from the back of his throat when she made it to his hips. He’d jerked so far forward that Lumine had sunk farther onto her back somehow, and Venti was now crushing her chest.

“LUHUmihihi pleheheHEASE! Nah nohohot thehehere! I cahahan’t, Ihihi’m—!” Desperately, Venti twisted his hips and shook his head, braids whipping about, glowing. Oh, they were glowing a lot, actually. Almost as if—

The barrel exploded.

Lumine lay surrounded by the splintered remains of their hiding spot — unharmed, but winded (ha) by the burst of Anemo. Venti was collapsed on her chest, where he panted and rubbed at his apple-red cheeks.

Grimacing as her legs twinged with pins and needles, Lumine propped Venti up by his shoulders to examine his face. “You okay?” she asked, still supine on the floor.

Venti nodded, loopy. “Only hurt that you would be so mean to me. And on my birthday?” He pouted and almost tumbled onto her again.

A snicker broke out of Lumine’s chest. Then it snowballed into bubbling laughter that shook her entire torso. Venti too succumbed to mirthful stitches, equally exhilarated from the high of misbehavior.

“Happy birthday to you.” Lumine giggled and patted Venti’s cheek. He met her with a wide, joyous smile.

“Happy birthday indeed, bard,” came a new, much deeper, much more intimidating voice.

Venti and Lumine looked up at the looming shadow, red hair, dark suit, crossed arms and all. Blazing eyes twisted in irritation burned through them.

It seemed Diluc had discovered the mess they’d created.

And they never even made it to the wine…

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ༄ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ༄ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ༄

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VENTI!!!!! 🍏 You’re finally home for your bday pictures after evading my pulls for three years <333

[exhaslo]

Um, hi, this is my first request, so I'm kind of nervous and will probably ramble. I wanted to ask if you could write a Miguel fic where he's the reader's best friend's older brother? Something like in the song 'Stacey's brother' by Mad Tsai, except that the main character is a girl. Er, so basically, reader has been bff's with Miguel's younger sibling for a long time and she and Miguel started developing feelings for each other over time and he wants to tell his sibling, but she's nervous and feels guilty. So then Miguel starts touching her and teasing her whenever she goes over, trying to get her to crack? And then a spicy hookup scene too? But more soft, like a childhood sweethearts kind of thing? Sorry it's so specific, I just want someone else to write it for me 😭. Okaythanksbye!

Awe! Don't be nervous and I love the idea!!! I'll keep it nice and sweet with a little bit of teasing here and there for you! But don't be afraid to make requests!! :D

Warning: Fluff really, teasing, touching, making out

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since kindergarten, you and Gabriel O'Hara had been best friends. The two of you were like peas in a pod and had to absolute everything together. From then until now, the two of you would always try to be in the same class.

Hell, not even the college life could separate the two of you. Both you and Gabriel had to get into the same college. Once you did, you decided to dorm together, at least you were until his big brother had something to say about it.

You had heard the stories of the big bad brood known as his brother. Miguel O'Hara. Every time you went over to his house, you never saw the man, until now that is. You wanted to find out why his big brother was holding you back from your best friend.

And lord was he your type.

"What gives dude?" You huffed, staring at the large man before you.

"(Y/N), Miguel is mad todaaaaay, he's gonna lecture you!" Gabriel cried out, crawling on the floor as if he was a survivor.

"It isn't like we're together or anything. You know your brother as well as I. He can barely touch himself out help." You said bluntly.

"Ouch, that hurt, (Y/N)."

"This isn't about that," Miguel said with a loud huff, "I just don't think the two of you fools will focus on your school work. You'd just play games all day instead of studying." He admitted.

God, he even sounded fine. You furrowed your brows as you tried to glare towards Miguel. He kept his stern look, towering over you. Whatever girl got with him was lucky indeed.

"Fair enough. Gabriel, why don't you commute from home since you live closer to the college. I'll dorm since my parents are moving out of the city. I can always come over and hang out."

"Here?" Miguel questioned. You glanced at his handsome face,

"Is there a problem?"

"No."

----------

There in fact was a problem. Gabriel was living with Miguel at the time. This was dangerous. Every time you came over, you could barely focus. Miguel was stealing your attention away from your best friend. He was just, oh so fine!

Honestly, you wanted to learn more about Miguel. Sometimes, you purposely went to the house when Gabriel was in class just to play dumb. Miguel offered to have you wait inside for him, but you always chickened out.

But not today.

You honestly thought Gabriel was home when you knocked on the door. The two of your shared a different class and had a project coming up. When Miguel answered the door, you felt your knees grow weak.

"He's at his club," Miguel said as he let you inside. You bit your lower lip, holding your bag tightly,

"Oh, I forgot that was today." You said, plopping yourself on the couch and getting your notes out, "I'll just wait here. We have a project to work on."

"Hm, I remember him saying something about that. What are you working on in the meantime?" Miguel asked as he leaned against the couch, his breathe tickling your ear.

"Biology." You did your best to avoid stuttering.

"Need some help?" Miguel asked as he sat beside you.

You could feel your heart racing as Miguel pressed up against you. His warmth engulfing your side. You were enjoying this. It was hard for you to pay attention as Miguel tutored you. All you could hear was the beating of your heart.

"(Y/N)?" Miguel whispered, his hand against your thigh, "You don't seem to be paying attention."

"Kind of hard, when I have such a good teacher," You muttered.

Miguel just chuckled in response as he stroked your thigh. You scooted closer to him, your hand against his. Your body was getting warmer as you got closer to Miguel. His face was inches away from yours.

"Fiiiiiinally! I thought I'd never be free!" Gabriel gasped, immediately making the two of you move away, "Hm? What are you guys doing?"

"Studying." The two of you said in unison.

----------

You kept going over to 'study' at Miguel's place. Each time, you and Miguel kept getting closer and closer. His hands were roaming a different part of your body while you tried to kiss him. Each time you tried to place your lips against his, something stopped you.

Not this time.

You were sitting beside Miguel, attempting to study. His hands were holding your waist, giving light squeezes every now and then. You were trembling under his touch. You bit your lower lip, leaning into his touch,

"Hey, Miguel," You whispered. Miguel stroked his hands against your back towards your inner thigh,

"Yes, (Y/N)?"

"I want to study something else," You whispered, slowly crawling onto his lap, "Do you think you can teach me this too?"

"I think I can,"

Miguel grinned as you finally kissed him. He hands rested against you waist, deepening the kiss. His tongue pushed itself into your mouth, exploring your wet cavern. You muffled into the kiss, wanting air, but Miguel was dominating you.

"Ugh, what a day," Gabriel sighed as he struggled to open the door.

You quickly rolled off of Miguel, squealing lowly as your skirt lifted up. Miguel resisted a chuckle as he fixed your skirt, his fingers gently grazing over your panties. You felt your heart race as you avoided Miguel's gaze.

"H-Hey, Gab! How was class?" You asked, leaning over the couch. Miguel glanced towards his brother, hiding the fact that his hand was now groping your ass,

"Any news on that test you took?"

"Uh, oh wow. What a beautiful day out. Hey, (Y/N), I just remembered that there is a party going on in the quad. Why don't we go check it out?"

"Sure!" You chirped, trying to ignore Miguel's touch, "Have fun at work, Miggy."

Miguel grunted lowly as he watched you leave with his brother. It felt unfair how he had to hide his relationship with you. You were his precious little girlfriend. You were only a couple years younger, but the fact that Miguel worked full time made his time with you so short. He needed more of you.

-----------

"He'll be fine, let's just tell him." Miguel whispered in your ear as he sucked against your neck. You mewled softly, squirming against his lap,

"B-But he is totally going to sing that deception song," You whined.

"He'll get over it."

"But, Miggy," You whined softly. Miguel hummed to your cries and proceeded to grope your body, "It isn't fun hiding our relationship from him."

"I think it is," Miguel huffed, then heard the door downstairs shut, "He's here. How would you like him to know?"

Miguel smirked as he pinned you against his bed, locking you down with his body. You whimpered, feeling his needy lust and your own. You reached up, kissing Miguel. Miguel held your head, making sure that you left his room exhausted.

"Hey, Migs. I'm going to head over to the library for a bit. If (Y/N) stops by, let her know for me, kay?" Gabriel yelled. Miguel raised a brow, breaking the kiss,

"Why don't you tell her?"

"Well, you're her boyfriend aren't you?" Gabriel yelled.

Both you and Miguel froze and immediately ran downstairs. Gabriel just had a grin on his face,

"C'mon, you're my best friend and he's my brother. I noticed long before you guys even kissed."

"But the song-"

"Sang it at karaoke with the boys," Gabriel laughed. Miguel glanced at your dumbfolded expression and chuckled, picking you up,

"(Y/N), Gabriel's going to be in the library. Guess this gives us more study time."

"Ew, no. I don't want to know!" Gabriel cried out as he ran off. You just laughed,

"Don't worry! You'll be my maid of honor!!!"

"Nooooooooooo!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hahaha, hope you enjoyed!

[babygirl-riley]

I have a request for ghost x reader where reader and ghost are in a relationship and reader is going to be switched into another task force and hasn't told ghost and when she tells ghost he like gets all sad and scared that he'll never see the reader ever again and they cry together cause they made such good memories with eachother and the 141 and in the end maybe reader transfer is canceled and she not going anywhere and is staying with ghost.

Change of Plans Pt. I

Ghost and you talk about the new orders that was giving to you from Price

“There’s no end. There’s no goodbye.”

A/N: Yeeeeeaaaah so you gave me ideas and now it turns into a 3 part series. 👉🏻👈🏻 Hope you enjoy the first one 🫠 Little change of plans for the moment 🤭

Warnings: Angst, fluff, established relationship, small very small mentions of smut, small cuddle moment, sad!simon but ya know doesn’t really express it, swearing

simon x reader guide

simon x reader fluff/angst

Pt. II

The silence was strong, you could hear an sort of movement that the base would make. Someone turning a faucet or a pen dropping. You sat on your bed with puffy red eyes as Simon stood frozen in the middle of your room. You had to tell him before Price announced it to the team.

You fought about for weeks about the orders telling Price to basically buzz off. That this was your team. Your family. So Price being Price tried to have the commander that wanted you on their task force at bay. Until today. Price asked to meet him in the office after the another successful mission.

“Commander Graves is getting impatient y/n,” Price said lowering his voice as you shut the door. “I’m sorry I tried.”

When he handed you the envelope you laughed darkly. “You gotta be shitting me Price.”

“I wish Sargent.” He said frowning, he sat in his chair for a moment before sighing. “He wants you tomorrow night. They are going on their own assignment that they need you on.”

You glared at the envelope, you could rip it to pieces and say to hell with it. But now it’s in writing and pretty sure this Commander Graves made more copies. After a long silence Price stood up to place a hand on your shoulder. “1400 the last plane to the force leaves. Better start saying your goodbyes.”

So immediately you looked out for Simon going from hallway to hallway. Building to building. He had to be the first one to know. You and him had been together for about 9 months now. Secretly no one knew. Maybe they did find out and you were being punished this way. Instead of insubordination, that’s why Price didn’t say anything for a while.

When you found him he was walking with Johnny getting cleaned up from the previous mission. “Lass! There ya are! What did the capt…”

“Not now Johnny,” You snapped, feeling guilty right after. “I need to speak with you privately Lieutenant.”

Simon snapped his eyes over to Soap who was standing in awe before looking down at you. “‘Ight, catch up with ya, yeah.” He said to Johnny who nodded to his reply.

Now you were both here, sitting in your room. You handed the envelope first as he opened it slowly. Simon was confused at first as he read before snapping his head up. “What does it mean your leavin’?” He growled, you thought he was mad at you.

“I don’t know some Commander down in the US needs me there,” You sighed wiping your eyes. “Says that they need a Lieutenant there.”

“But ya not a Lieutenant.” He said gripping the paper.

You inhaled deeply, you pointed to the paper. “Read more Simon.”

That’s where he froze and just re read the words over and over again. “By the United States Commander in Chief Hershel Shepard, you have been promoted to Lieutenant y/l/n as of February 20th, 2022.”

Simon couldn’t believe it, you were leaving back to the states after years on being on the force. He just got you. Finally figuring out what he has felt for months being with you. Caring for you. Maybe even love you. Now you were being taken away. He heard you sniffling bringing him back into reality.

You watched as slowly he brought his head up, being faced with his skull mask. His painted eyes looking right at you. “No we are talkin’ to Price maybe he can…”

“Already tried that.”

“‘Ight then we go to Shepard himself maybe talk to him…”

“Simon, we can’t he is the head honcho. He is the one ordering this by Commander Graves too. So there isn’t any way around this.”

Simon scoffed. “Why have you given up? It’s like you don’t want to fight for this.”

You scoffed back and rose from the bed. “I have been dealing with this for two months now. We have been trying Simon. You think I want to leave them. To leave us?”

Simon stood there for a moment, emotions coming through that he never would think that he would have. All the things you both have been through. It all started because of pent up emotions that both of you didn’t know how to release besides having sex. Then came the attachments. Laughter. Jokes. Bantering. Hell even the fighting.

Simon stood there for another moment debating on just leaving the room. He doesn’t know how to deal with this situation. The more he stared at you the less he wanted to leave, he wanted more time.

“Maybe it won’t be forever ya know? Maybe it is just a train up for his team and that’s that.”

Simon knew better than to think like that, think that there is hope. You were always better than him in that aspect. Looking for the light at the end. Simon sighed and walked to you as he sat next to you. He started to lay down and guiding you down with him. “Maybe.” He mumbled.

You followed him down placing your head on his chest as he combed through your hair. You sighed as you thought about everything both of you have been through. You chuckled making Simon break a smile. “What is it?” He asked softly.

“Remember when I first started on the team and I thought you liked sugary coffee,” He groaned as he laughed a little bit more. “Then like 2 months later you finally broke and said that you only like tea and not the sugary shit.”

Simon nodded his head. “Blood hell pretty sure I gained a few pounds from just one cup,” You giggled as you looked up at him. “I won’t forget when the grenade landed next to you and Johnny during training. You tossing it to Johnny and him passing it back to you. Fumbling it like two blokes.”

You slapped his chest. “Hey! That wasn’t entirely my fault. The damn private didn’t pull the pin so I thought to give it to him. Well I remember beating you at sparring.”

Simon gave a fake shocked look. “Technically I did, it turned to the tie breaker”

You glared at him in curiosity before turning red. “The tie breaker doesn’t count.”

Simon gently grabbed your chin with his thumb and index. “If it wasn’t for the tie breaker I would be here with ya, love.”

You half smiled, tearing up again. “I will come back Si.”

Simon’s heart started to ache as he inhaled deeply. “And I’ll be waitin’.”

[midnightwriter21]

demon slayer hcs: how you meet pt 2

characters: fem!reader x zenitsu, shinobu, tengen & his wives

warnings: spiders, minor injuries, polyamory

ZENITSU

he's a sweetheart omg

you guys meet in the forest with the spider demons

you're a slayer

a pretty strong one too. not hashira level but you're working on it

you're weakness?

spiders, bugs, anything creepy and crawly

but isn't that everyones weakness?

idk know how you were convinced to go fight a spider demon

bc personally? ain't no way

but anyways

you get separated from the group of slayers you were working with

so ur alone

when u hear some bushes rustling or som

so u look down and boom

a spider

with a human head

FUCK. THAT.

you take off running and i mean fast

so fast you can't even see where ur going

and bam u run head first

into zenitsu

who coincidently was running from the same thing as u

he realizes ur human, grabs ur hand and TAKES TF OFF

ZOOMMMMM

ur gone

until u meet spider demon w the house

zenitsu passes tf out, ur shitting urself just a little bit, and then

zenitsu handles tf out that demon

while asleep?!

hot af

sleepy zenitsu could get it

SHINOBU

idk somethin abt her irritates me

she still fine asf tho

shes a top fs

you're a slayer

and you were on an easy mission

prob a low ranked demon

and then shit

a lower moon pulls up

low key fucks u and ur comrades up

somehow yall kill it

and your brought back to the butterfly mansion to be treated

and we all know miss gurl shinobu is running that mf

so shes obv overseeing your recovery

for some reason the other slayers heal faster than you did

wonder why?

perhaps purposely ripping ur stiches to spend more time around a pretty lady?

noooooo you would neverrrr

thats exactly what u were doing

and shinobu knows it too

but she plays dumb cause she thinks its sweet that you admire her enough to delay your recovery and cause urself that pain

she does poke u a lil too hard when redoing ur stitches tho

takes care of u til ur ready to go on another mission

TENGEN + wives

he's so fine for what

can we make this foursome into a fivesome?

sooo ur not a slayer

ur not a kunoichi

not a fighter at all

just a cute lil civilian

you meet the wives before you meet tengen

you're out shopping

need some new clothes

or maybe you have an event that you need some new jewelry for

gotta look flashy yk

so you finish your shopping and walk out of the store when your knocked flat on ur ass

it was suma

she was running from makio after making her mad

and she ran straight. into. you.

she immediately burst into tears because she felt so bad

makio is yelling at her for knocking you down

and hina is trying to calm them both down

and ur jus like "wtf is goin on"

you feel fine until you stand up

you hit the ground again

ankle = sprained

que the guilty sobbing from suma

the girls carry you to a bench to assess the damage and this grabs tengens attention all they way from the inside of another store

like "who is getting attention from my wives?"

VERY UNFLASHY

jealous af

until he sees u

a cute little civilian women in pain

and his wives fawning over you

he introduces himself and gets the story of what happened

calms suma and makio down

and apologizes on their behalf

meanwhile ur in awe

um hello?? a literal god is standing in front of you apologizing for his wives

WIVES??

AS IN PLURAL? MORE THAN ONE???

he checks ur ankle

his hand wraps around ur entire leg

dudes hands are big af

not the only thing on him thats big

to make it up to you he carries you to a very flashy cafe

where you all sit and have tea and snacks together while you rest ur injured ankle

tengen pays

does this count as a first date??

i love them

[auras-moonstone]

mad woman — ethan landry (part two)

word count: 839

summary: ethan and y/n talk about their deceased siblings and begin to bond.

pairing: gf!ethan landry x gf!fem!reader

based on: mad woman by taylor swift

previous part ; next part

SURPRISINGLY, BAILEY LET HER JOIN THE PLAN. It didn’t take a lot of convincing on Ethan’s part, they all suffered the loss of a loved one, so they knew the thirst for revenge Y/N must be feeling.

“I’m sorry you have to go through that�� being close to the person that killed your sister must be tough, kid” Bailey said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“It is, but I know that this pain is worth it. We are going to make them regret taking them away from us”

“Well said” Quinn spoke, and Y/N sent her a smile. “We should head back to the dorm”.

“Sure. Thanks for everything, Mr. Kirsch” Y/N said with a warm smile.

“You are welcome anytime” he replied.

“Bye, dad” the Kirsch siblings said in unison as they left their dad’s home.

“You two go, I have other plans” Quinn told them.

“Paul?” Y/N asked with a playful smile.

“God, no. That is over, this one is called Lorenzo” the red head informed.

“Uh, Lorenzo. I like it, have fun” the girl waved at her roommate.

“You too, but if you have too much fun please don’t tell me” the girl’s voice distorted as she walked away, but they were still able to hear her.

Ethan’s blood rushed into his cheeks “Sometimes she speaks too freely”.

“You say that now, but if…” she stopped herself from going further and killing the mood “Sorry”.

“Hey, no. It’s okay, you can talk to me, you know?”

Ethan and her weren’t close at all. This new alliance brought them closer, yes, but the word ‘friend’ was still a bit too big for their relationship. However, he was the closest person she had at the moment, it had been so long since the last time she talked to someone without having to fake or hide emotions, that she just gave in.

“I miss her, a lot” she grimaced. Vulnerability was not something she was accustomed to show. “I don’t have the luxury of having other siblings, and even if I did, what I had with Amber was something unique. All the things that once bothered me about her, are the ones I now miss. I would give everything to hear her awful rap playlist that I absolutely loathe, or the loud and tiring parties she hosted despite knowing how uncomfortable I felt at them, and god I even miss her talking my ear off about that awful horror movie franchise she adored”.

“She sounds just like my brother” he sighed. “It’s nice that you had a nice relationship with her”.

“You weren’t close to Richie?” she asked.

Ethan shook his head “No. Our age difference, our different taste in things, we just never connected that much. And…”

“Yeah?” she encouraged him.

“I guess part of me has always resented him” he confessed, there was a trace of guiltiness in his statement.

“Can I ask why?” Y/N asked carefully.

“He was my dad’s golden boy. You know when kids asked their parents which child is their favourite and they say they love them all equally, even though it’s not true, as to not hurt their feelings?”

“Yes” she said unsure.

“Well, my dad wasn’t like that. He favoured Richie and admitted it proudly. And Quinn, being the only girl, also has a special place in his heart. His little girl, you know? And I am just there”

“Ethan…”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t love me, ‘cause I know he does, but Richie is gone, and I’m here and that disappoints him a bit” he had his eyes glued to the pavement, not daring to look her in the eyes. And Y/N wanted to throw up, cry and hug him at the same time. “Sorry. I overshared, right?” he tried to laugh it off.

“How long have you been bottling that up?” she asked softly.

“The resentment? My whole life. The thought of my father being disappointed I wasn’t the one who died? For a year” he replied.

The vulnerable environment encouraged her to grab his hand “Well, you can come to me whenever you want to, no matter how dark your thoughts are”.

Ethan smiled, and Y/N was in awe at how perfect his teeth were and how mesmerising his smile was “The same goes for you, Y/N/N”.

They continued their walk towards the dorms with the sound of the busy streets of New York resonating in their ears. None of them said a word until they reached Ethan’s apartment, which was the closest one. He had to let go of her hand—and regretting it instantly when he felt the warmth of her palm leaving his skin—, as he looked for his keys.

“Well, thank you for everything, Ethan. I’ll let you rest”

“See you tomorrow, Y/N/N” he gave her his dazzling smile once more before closing the door.

Y/N went to bed with the a good feeling on her chest. She finally was about to get the revenge she had desired and also, maybe, she had gained someone to talk to, a potential friend.

[limabean42]

Could you maybe do a fear x an impulse emotion but they’re like best friends?

࿏ Fear with an impulsive! best friend ࿏

Thanks for requesting :) Reader is implied to be one of the new emotions

-

• Fear is the embodiment of well, fear

• You are the embodiment of impulse, Impulsive

• When you first appeared with the new emotions Fear let out a big sigh and just shook his head

• He knew that you would clash

• He was trying to keep Riley safe and you were preventing him from doing that with your actions

• He viewed you as an obstacle to get over, whenever he was needed at the panel it seemed you always swooped in and said, “Nope, we’re doing this.”

• Your justification was that it was fun and that Riley needed to experience different things no matter if she gets a little hurt in the process

• Most of the other emotions either agreed or were indifferent to your ways

• Joy and Anger supported your impulsive nature the most. Joy was all about having as much fun as possible and Anger wanted to yell at people

• Fear was shocked that you would be okay with her getting hurt in any capacity, even if it was just a scratch on the knee

• It only seemed to get worse for Fear as Riley got older

• The more she grew up, the more impulsive she felt

• He was going crazy

• One time Riley got mad at her parents and wanted to cut her hair. She’d been wanting a haircut but knowing that it would make her parents mad if she did it herself fueled her reason to cut it impulsively

• She stood looking in the bathroom mirror with scissors in hand, you controlling the panel

• “Here we go, are you ready everyone?” You shouted excitedly

• “No, stop!” Fear screamed

• “Nope, no one? Alrighty then!” You said grabbing ahold of the panels lever and slamming it upward

• Fear stopped in his tracks and just watched you. He looked up to see the hair falling in the sink below

• At this point he felt helpless. He didn’t see a point in caring anymore

• Fear walked out of the room, defeated

• After Riley’s botched haircut was complete the other emotions held a lackluster expression on their faces

• “Yeah, I don’t know why I thought that would turn out better.” Joy said with her hand on her chin

• “It’s awful! That’s what we get for trusting this one.” Disgust said sarcastically, eyeing you

• “I think it’s fine.” Anger shrugged

• “Well guys, sorry I’m not a professional it just felt right in the moment and hey, Riley feels more calm now, so my job here is done.” You walked toward Ennui’s couch then stopped mid-step

• Where was Fear?

• You looked all around the room and didn’t see the purple nerve

• A part of you felt guilty for ignoring him when he was trying to prevent a mistake

• Even though you didn’t see it as a mistake. It was necessary, Riley was mad so instead of yelling at her parents she cut her hair, seemed reasonable

• However, you hurt your colleague’s feelings so you decided to find him and apologize

• You found him sitting on his bed

• “Hey Fear.” you gently said while sitting next to him

• “What do you want Impulsive?” He scoffed looking down

• “I wanted to say sorry. I didn’t know you’d get so hurt from me ignoring you, I mean I do that all the time-”

• Fear cut you off, “Exactly, that’s the problem. You ignore me all the time. I don’t feel important when you’re in control of the panel. Riley needs to be safe and she can’t be safe physically, socially, or mentally when you’re in control and do bad things. Worst part is, it’s only getting worse.”

• He sounded fed up and deflated

• “I understand where you’re coming from Fear, but Riley needs to take risks sometimes. You make it sound like I’m always in control, I’m not. Joy’s the one who leads, you know that. Plus Riley’s getting older so of course she’s going to take more risks.” You retorted

• “Well, tell me how we can coexist? How can we both do our jobs when we don’t agree on what choices to make? None of the other emotions conflict as much as we do.”

• Your face grew more serious as you noticed how much he’d been dealing with these thoughts silently this whole time, “Listen, we’re all important for Riley in some way. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t be here. Sometimes I need to be in control of the panel and sometimes you do. We’re both equals here. I won’t ignore you anymore, when I’m about to control I’ll see what you have to say first. You can give me input and I’ll listen now. Same way everyone else gives input when someone controls.”

• Fear finally looked up from his fidgeting hands, “Thank you.” He smiled

• You patted his shoulder and jumped up from the bed, “Back to it then, comrade?”

• Fear got up with you and you both chatted while returning back to the others

• After your problems were resolved you and Fear grew surprisingly close

• Not in a million years would you have thought one day you’d consider Fear your best friend

• He could say the same for you

• Once you started considering him more he started chatting you up randomly throughout the day

• It started out as just awkward small talk but then it escalated

• You two would find yourselves sitting down having a cup of your favorite beverages talking about anything and everything

• You both had some nerdy interests in common

• “Oooh look at that comic! We need it!” Envy declared, eyes glued on the comic

• “Let’s steal it!” You blurted out, caught up in your head

• “Let’s buy it!” Fear shouted after you slightly pulling your hand away from the panel

• “Oh yeah,” you chuckled “that’s probably a better idea”

• While you always disagree with each other you rarely argue about it

•Each of you recognize the importance of the other

• Fear was here to keep Riley safe. You were here to help Riley let off steam and not always in a bad way, you realized

• With Fear’s help you began channeling your impulses into more positive things

• When Riley was feeling impulsive it didn’t always mean she wanted to punch a hole in the wall. It also meant she felt more creative. During these times she would draw, write, or practice hockey

• With your help, Fear learned how to stay calm and not pass out as much during scary situations

• You helped him “lock in” and get Riley out of any dangerous position while hyping him up

• The other emotions were surprised at how close you were after everything. You were total opposites yet now you worked so well together

• You guys were always talking, sometimes distracting the other emotions from the panel

• “Can you guys shut up for a second we’re taking a test!” Disgust whisper-yelled

• “Oh sorry!” you both whispered in unison

• You played board games together and often stayed up late when games ran long, determined to see who would win

• On movie nights you’d sit beside each other

• Fear would hold onto your arm if it was a horror movie and constantly get jumpscared

• Overall, you got close really fast after your disagreement and became inseparable

• You both regret not handling your issues sooner so that you could have had more quality time as best friends instead of adversaries

-

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed

[evanslvr]

So i know that you want some request so i have one! Can you do a tate langdon smut where he eats her out and like overstims her bc she was mad at him for something and he is angry 😤lol anyways yeag byeeeeeeeeeeeee

𝑾𝑬𝑨𝑲𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺 - 𝑻𝑨𝑻𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑫𝑶𝑵

𝑬𝑿𝑷𝑳𝑰𝑪𝑰𝑻 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑻 𝑨𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫

•••

𝒘𝒄: 𝟏𝟎𝟗𝟎

y/n perspective:

"Leave me alone, Tate." I said, sternly. "All I'm asking you is why." He says, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "What the hell do you mean why? I have a life besides just sitting in this damn house with you!" He widened his eyes at my comment and I felt a little guilty. "So you're saying you don't want to talk to me anymore?" He questioned, with sadness evident in his voice. "Tate, I never said that. Why do you like twisting my words?" He stares at me with this glare that seemed upsetting.

"Jesus, you can't expect me to be with you twenty- four-fucking-seven!" As soon as I said that, he got angry. "I never said that you have to be around me twenty four seven! All I fucking did was ask you, 'Why are distant from me?' And you immediately started acting like a bitch!" I opened my mouth slightly, shocked about what he just called me.

"You know what, fuck you, Tate. All you do is annoy the fuck out of me with your constant clinginess! I can't go anywhere or do anything without you getting all sad and shit." I seemed to had hit a soft spot because Tate just looked at me. Not saying a single word, he just stares. I can't lie, it did freak me out. "Just leave, Tate.."

What seemed like less than a second, I felt him roughly forcing his hand around my neck and harshly putting his lips against mine. I didn't even have enough time to process what he just did, I tried pushing him off but he has such a tough grip on me. Since we were both sitting on the bed, he pushes me down against the mattress and climbs on top of me.

It felt extremely arousing for me. I gotta say...I love when he's the dominant one. "Tate," I whimper, closing my eyes. "Shut the fuck up." He says in a dominant tone. "I'm just so clingy, right?" He says with anger. He rips off my tank top, my bra and throws it off the bed along with my shorts; surprisingly for him, I had no panties on.

He smirks at me and chuckles lightly. He sucks on my neck roughly and slowly makes his way down to my breasts, fondling with them. He watched as they bounced up and down in awe, "You're such a beautiful whore for me, huh?" I moan lightly, feeling him lick my nipple. "Tate, please.." He immediately covered my mouth shut with his hand.

"If you make one more fucking noise..I swear I'll make you regret it. Do you understand me?" He growls into my ear. I nodded, not wanting to give him any more of reason to get angry with me. "I said, do you understand?" He says, more serious. "Yes, Tate." I groan, in response.

He then placed two fingers on my clit and I instantly feel my body start to heat up. Before I knew it, he was sucking my nipple and biting it hard. It felt like fire is being poured directly into my veins; the only thing that can calm me down would be him. i covered my mouth to try and refrain from any noise coming out by accident. God knows what tate'll do. I am pretty sure he has a lot of rage inside of him.

He moves his head down to my pelvis and soon to my pussy. I could feel myself becoming wetter by the moment. He takes his finger and rubs it around my pussy, teasing me for what seems like forever. Eventually, he spreads my legs wide and puts his head between my thighs and I moaned quietly once I felt his tongue on my clit.

I close my eyes, enjoying the pleasure. He continued licking me and I started to shake a little bit. His tongue was sending chills down my spine.

I look down at him, He was looking back at me with this expression that made me weak. I was scared he was going to stop if he saw how turned on I was. "Tate," I whimpered, "I'm sorry..."

"Tate, please..I can't take it anymore." I whined, and he runs his tongue up my slit. It feels so good, I can barely stand it. "Please, Tate.." I whisper, trying to keep my voice low. He ignores me completely, continuing to suck my clit and run his tongue up and down my slit. The feeling is overwhelming and I couldn't hold it in anymore, "Oh my God! Tate!" I scream out, feeling this blissful sensation take power over me.

I throw my head back, I was so tired to the point where I felt like I could fall asleep right there. But then I felt his tongue in my clit and my body instantly jolted forward again, this time much stronger. My whole body was shaking like crazy now and I closed my eyes tightly.

Tate looks up at me, watching me through half lids. I open my eyes and I see him looking at me with his intense  eyes. I was so sensitive right now that just looking at him could send me to another world. I grab his hair and pulled on it. it felt so  good that it hurt. I wanted to scream out loud. I was in total bliss.

He continues licking and sucking my clit until I felt a powerful orgasm. "Ahh!" I screamed out, feeling my whole body tense up. My body goes limp as I try to regain my regular heart rate. "Oh my God..Tate.." I gasp, throbbing from the aftershocks. I could still feel Tate's tongue still inside of me. He releases my clit and rolls off me, sitting next to me with his back against the bed.

I look at him weakly and he smirks. "Did I make you feel that good, baby?" He teases with a devilish grin on his face. "Fuck you.." I said, closing my eyes, not having enough strength to argue with him. "Aww, I love you too, Y/n.."

A/n: i kind of enjoyed this.

[darkchocolatedimples]

the tortured poets department (sponsored by my procrastination)

excuse my essays for each song the lyrics are so interesting to me so there’s like actual analyzation for each one.

fortnight - dex

that lingering resentment disguised by surface level friendship is that not literally him and sophie come on. “run into you sometimes, ask about the weather” the awkwardness!! “your wife waters flowers, i want to kill her” he was the #1 fitz hater for multiple reasons after all (although i think he was over it by the time keefe became prominent)

the tortured poets department - sophie

this is so keefe from her perspective come on “you’re in self sabatoge mode, throwing spikes down the road, but i’ve seen this episode and still love the show” “i chose this cyclone with you” “sometimes i wonder if you’re gonna screw this up with me. but you told [biana] that you’d kill yourself if i ever leave. and i had said that to [dex] about you so i felt seen. everyone we know understands why we’re meant to be.” also let’s be so real keefes drawing journals + goodbye letters, he’s giving tortured poet

my boy only breaks his favorite toys - fitz

guys he’s just a silly little boy with anger issues, and he’s MY silly little boy with anger issues stop hating him 😞 “the voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild” “he saw forever so he smashed it up” he may have fucked up but it happens!!

down bad - dex

CUZ FUCK IT HE WAS IN LOVE!!! also if i may present to you: “i might just die it would make no difference” in the context that outside of sophie saw no purpose to his own life. he saw himself just as he is presented in the books: as her best friend and nothing more. so in losing that (blaming himself and his own feelings for it) what was left of him? who was left? sophie was also his ONLY friend. not to mention in the context of the fact that when he WAS presumed dead nobody cared, they still cared more about sophie.

so long, london - keefe

no not bc of london actually but because “and you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment” is actually a direct reference to keefitz’ friendship falling apart as fitz got angrier and keefe got more closed off. “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues?” “im just mad as hell cause i loved this place” me when everglen is no longer keefes safehaven. nor anyone’s for that matter bc its haunted by alvars betrayal and alden’s mind break and fitz’ anger.

but daddy i love him - biana

“i just learned these people only raise you to cage you” “i just learned these people try and save you…cause they hate you” “dutiful daughter all my plans were laid…growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.” i hate alden vacker. how do u manage to use and fuck up all ur kids by age 12 like wow. “i’ll tell you something about my good name: it’s mine alone to disgrace” she would 100% say this. she would also 100% say “im having his baby! no im not but you should see your faces.”

fresh out the slammer - keefe

sokeefe or keefitz take it as it comes. “in the shade of how he was feeling.” “as i said in my letters.” “my friends try, but i wouldn’t hear it…for just one glimpse of his smile” “swirled you into all of my poems” it’s so him it is truly.

florida!!! - keefe

THIS one’s about london! “well me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time! yes i’m haunted but im feeling just fine” ethan and eleanor wright who?? “your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in” candle shade/shores of solace type beat “i need to forget so take me to [london], i have some regrets i’ll bury them in [london]” “i don’t want to exist so take me to [london]” aw bae

guilty as sin? - dex

i don’t know how to explain but i just feel like this feeling of i shouldn’t be doing/feeling this the literal guilt and all these delusions and the sheer intensity of it all is just giving me dex. “this cage was once just fine, am i allowed to cry? i dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks” “i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault” this must be the way he loves if he thinks so little of himself and doesn’t let himself have good things. “i choose you and me religiously” because at the end of the day when he makes a decision or chooses something or someone he puts his all into it.

who’s afraid of little old me - sophie

“you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me. you caged me then you called me crazy. i am what i am cuz you trained me.” all of it’s literally giving her growing into herself in stellarlune and making decisions on her own. SHE IS NOT A PAWN!!!

i can fix him (no really i can) - tam

idk its just giving him defending rayni with his life when everyone else including linh was like who tf is this girl.

loml - fitz

every sad pining song is fitz vacker to me. esp the refrences to the romance being dead but never buried... "still alive killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried...i'm your holy ghost" the way that sophie switched up on him in stellarlune (although i fully support her) didn't give him much time to recover. "are they second-hand embarrased that i can't get out of bed because something counterfiet's dead" give me heartbroken fitz!!! for once instead of angry fitz just give me tired, resigned fitz. "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unecessary, should've let it stayed buried" is such a good summary of sophitz imo.

i can do it with a broken heart - linh

linh is so interesting to me as a parallel of fitz: meaning she, just like him, is always angry. however she masks it in smiles and kindness the way he never learned to, he just lashes out. this song feels like it’s talking about that mask: “i’m so depressed i act like it’s my birthday everyday” “i can read your mind ‘she’s having the time of her life’ …i can show you lies” “cause im miserable and nobody even knows” “i can hold my breath, i’ve been doing it since [i] left”

the smallest man who ever lived - keefe

it’s giving a letter to cassius/gisela/alvar. “and i don’t even want you back, i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. and i don’t miss what we had” “did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?” “in 50 years will all this be declassified and you’ll confess why you did it, and i’ll say ‘good riddance’” “i would’ve died for your sins instead i just died inside. and you deserve prison but you won’t get time” “in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did. and i’ll forget you but i’ll never forgive.”

the alchemy - sophie

“cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me. honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?” aw sokeefe.

clara bow - biana

BIANA BEING COMPARED TO HER BROTHERS AND ALL THE VACKERS BEFORE THEM "the crown is stained but you're the real queen" "beauty is a beast that roars, down on all fours, demanding more...its hell on earth to be heavenly" i love her.

the black dog - fitz

bring back petty fitz!! i think the young girl not knowing the starting line could parallel with keefe not being able to understand things about telepathy that really connected fitz and sophie. i also think we could shift the angle and make it about alvars betrayal and how it sparked his angry trauma response. “you said i needed a brave man, then proceeded to play him until i believed it too.” “now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes…even if i die screaming, and i hope you hear it.”

imgonnagetyouback - fitz

he is 100% this delusional. he's just like me. "you'll find that you were never not mine" "even if its handcuffed im leaving here with you." "told my friends i hate you but i love you just the same, pick your poison babe, i'm poison either way"

the albatross - keefe

“one bad seed kills the garden. one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen.” “the devil that you know looks now more like an angel. i’m the life you chose, and all this terrible danger.” HE IS THE ALBATROSS. i can’t wait for the movie i want edits of him to this. ACTUALLY I WANT A LOT OF THINGS maybe I’ll make a separate post about that.

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus - keefe

you saw it coming. this song SCREAMS KEEFITZ. like- “you said some things that i can’t unabsorb…you needed me but you needed drugs more.” “changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you.” “if you want to break my cold cold heart just say ‘i loved you the way that you were’” WHAT THE HECK DUDE IM SOBBING “back to the moment i crashed into you like so many wrecks do” that line solidified this as keefe’s pov for me. in conclusion. SOBBING.

how did it end - biana

i propose to you: not a relationship, but the vacker family falling apart and the way they became a huge subject of gossip in the lost cities. when alden’s mind broke, while fitz had turned to anger biana became depressed, and i think this song could relate to that as well. the whole part of “guess who we ran into at the shops” feels very much like conversations others would have about the vackers at the time and when alvar betrayed them. “soon they’ll go home to their [brothers], smug cause they know they can trust him.” and i think at the end of the day when all of it happened biana was just young and betrayed and lost, because she didn’t see it coming or understand why (who did?) “the deflation of our dreaming, leaving me bereft and reeling” “i can’t pretend like i understand, how did it end?”

so high school - biana

HER VIBES ALL THE WAY she’s so cute and lovely and i want this for her (and dex. specifically dex. not anyone else.)

i hate here - sophie

was leaning dex until “you see i was a debutant in another life but now i seem to be scared of going outside” but the whole idea of escapism applies to both of them. especially to sophie though when she lived with humans and was so alone because even her own family couldn’t understand her, and she canonically is a bookworm and probably found more comfort in those other lives than she ever could in her own. "I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind...i read about it in a book when I was a precious child" "ill get lost on purpose, this place made me feel worthless"

thanK you aIMee - tam

aimee 🤝🏽 the song parents. “everyone knows that my [sister] is a saintly woman. but she used to say she wished that you were dead.” “but when i count the scars there’s a moment of truth: that there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you.” thank you song parents 🫶🏽

i look in people’s windows - fitz

i thought this song sounded so creepy till I actually listened to it and now the idea of like lowkey stalking someone just to see if they still care about you or have moved on is slightly making sense. "does it feel alright to not know me? i'm addicted to the if only." it's giving keefitz (when isn't it?)

the prophecy - dex

"let it once be me, who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy?" THIS JUST REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF THE BEGINNING OF STELLARLUNE WHEN HES LITERALLY MOURNING WHAT HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED TO HIS BROTHER YET i need more dex being the oldest sibling and shouldering that burden. the love-hate relationship with his siblings while simultaneously trying to make their quality of life so much better than what he had. also "a lesser woman would've lost hope, a greater woman wouldn't beg" is so him. he is so that middle.

cassandra - tam

"so they killed cassandra first cuz she feared the worst...do you believe me now?" "you can mark my words, i said it first. in a mourning warning, no one heard." tam when keefe joined the neverseen fr

peter - keefe

pls tell me you saw this one coming. "are you still a mindreader? a natural scene stealer, I've heard great things [fitz], but life was always easier on you than it was on me." "promises, oceans deep, but never to keep" "forgive me [fitz], my lost fearless leader...from when we were just kids. is it something I did?" i think I'm just in a constant state of mourning their friendship.

the bolter - keefe

obvious reasons but also "i can confirm she made a curious child, ever reviled by everyone but her own father." "hearts are hers for the breaking, there's escape in escaping." "she's got the best stories, you can be sure, as she was leaving, it feels like freedom."

robin - dex

had to do some research for this one but apparently its talking about preserving a child's innocence! for this reason it reminds me again of dex and his siblings because of the way he really wants to protect them from things that haven't happened yet (especially considering rex being talentless). "way to go tiger" definitely sounds like something he would say to them feeling all sentimental but then, knowing siblings, they'd probably grill him about why he's being nice 💀

the manuscript -

we know the drill by now, fitz gets all the breakup songs because they could be about sophie OR keefe. "afterwords, she only ate kid's cereal, and slept in her mother's bed" while the song is discussing reverting back to childhood habits in vulnerability, fitz's vulnerability made him angry (but it was still a big change from his regular self) "looking back might be the only way to move forward" I hope he does get to move on!!! im tired of the love triangle plot if we're not gonna focus on keefitz' friendship 😭

[creative-caramel-coffee]

Stomach Struggles Pt.2

Pairings: Wandanat x R

Word count: 1.2K

Summary: R struggles while her girls are away, chronic stomach aches are no fun and r just wants her girls

TW: anxiety, past trauma (mentioned), stomach ache, crying, vulnerability, vomiting, fever, embarrassment

|| Part 1 || A/n hehe i had already written part 2 before I posted part 1 lol

Its fair to say the pepto did absolutely nothing for your stomach it was about a half hour later when you shot up out of Wanda’s grip, effectively startling her and nat who was dozing beside Wanda and you.

The nausea was peaking fast as Wanda scrambled to find a sick bag for you. Your stomach had other ideas as you proceeded to throw up in your lap and on the bedsheets. Tears pricked your eyes from both embarrassment and pain. You held your stomach as the stabbing pains returned.

When your brain began to process things again you heard Wanda talking to you.

“Shh shh baby its ok it happens. Got it all up bubs its alright we can always wash the sheets.” She said rubbing your back. You gagged and tried to hold it back not wanting to make the mess any worse than it already was.

“No no baby none of that.” She said feeling your body tense under her hands as you fought it back. “Let it out love its ok. We’ll fix the mess my sweet, just get it all up love.” She said still running her hand up and down your spine. You choked on a sob and finally gave in. Throwing up again and starting to cry all over again. Hiccuping sobs shook you as you laid your back against Wanda’s front. You were still between her legs and felt awful about making a mess. Wanda frowned as her eyebrows pinched together and her lips thinned looking at the mess and you felt guilty only crying harder. Wanda realised she had upset you and held you closer.

“No no baby im not mad. Shh shhh. Im just concerned baby you only brought up bile sweets. How long has it been since you have eaten love?” She waved her hand and the magic removed the puke from the bedsheets and you sighed feeling less guilty.

“Not since yesterday.” You said quietly and Wanda clicked her tongue.

“Baby I’m gonna text natty to bring you back some food.” You whined half from realising nat wasn’t with you and half from the idea of eating anything you knew you would throw up again. “Ill make sure its something light for your stomach my love how does that sound?” She said rubbing her hand over your stomach as they glowed softly as her magic created a soft heat that soothed the muscles. You moaned quietly.

“Ok.” You whispered

“Good girl baby I’m so proud of you.” She said and texted nat with one hand.

“Why did natty leave?” You asked as tears gathered in your eyes at the thought of your girlfriend leaving because you were gross. Your thoughts were loud and Wanda looked down at you shocked.

“No baby natty doesn’t think your gross. Never. Never ever. Who told you that?” Her eyes flashed red slightly and you hung your head. “Who.” She said stern but soft and you knew she wanted a name.

“One of my toxic friends from high school”

“Oh baby well their wrong and I’m glad you recognise they were toxic my sweet.” She wrapped you in her arms. “Come cuddle with me until natty gets back with some food.”

You whined softly at the idea of food. “Hush bubs and I’ll tell you where natty went.” You went quiet and Wanda chuckled softly. “Natty went to get some things for you. She is more of an active comforter than a soft comforter baby, thats my job. She try’s to find solutions. She went to get some more supplies. Sick bags, a thermometer just in case, a flavour of pepto that wont make you gag and so on.” Wanda rambled and you had begun to fall asleep when you felt a hand stroking your cheek. Carefully you cracked open an eye.

“There she is. Hello sweetheart do you think you can eat something for me and wands baby girl?” Nat asked leaning down in look into your eyes. You nodded softly and noticed a tray with all the things Wanda had listed and more. A pack of saltines, a steaming mug of tea and the heat pack that was shaped like a smily face. You grinned softly remembering when nat bought it for you the first time you had gotten sick around her. The first time in year someone cared for you. With shaky hands you began to eat some of the soup nat placed in your lap. Wanda took note of your shaking hands and took the spoon from you gently. You didn’t have the energy to protest as she began to feed you. Nat sat by one side taking not of your slightly flushed cheeks and the glossy look taking over your eyes. Nat put her hand on Wanda’s arm as she lifted the spoon to your open mouth again stopping her.

“Baby that should be enough for now. We don’t want to make her sick again.” Wanda nodded and placed the food on the bedside for later.

“You did so good my love.” She said rubbing you arm as your eyes fluttered shut.

“Can you open one more time?” Nat asked and you did as you felt the thermometer you hated so much enter your mouth, you tried to spit it out but Wanda closed your mouth around it by tapping the bottom of your jaw with her finger. You frowned at her and pouted leaning further into her front. Nat cooed and Wanda smiled down at your sleepy form. After a minute you were almost asleep when it beeped and you groaned. Nat took it swiftly from your mouth and you turned into Wanda more to snuggle up.

“What does it say nat?” Wanda asked seeing nat frown.

“Shes got a decent fever love.” Nat said. “Here have her take these.” The next second you felt Wanda pressing a pill to your lips you took them and then swallowed the water from the glass that was pressed to your lips next as your eyes were still shut. Carefully Wanda lay back down and pulled the sheets over the two of you as you slept on top of her. Nat pressed into Wanda’s side as the three of you cuddled. Wanda ignored the warmth radiating from you knowing the meds would help.

The three of you slept into the afternoon as your fever broke while you slept and the next time you woke the pain was less. Wanda pressed a kiss to your forehead as you sleepily came to.

“Afternoon baby girl how are we feeling now?” She asked her voice slightly deeper from sleep.

“Better.” You mumbled “need more sleep.” You said snuggling into her and relishing in the way her chest vibrated against you face as she laughed.

“No baby you need some lunch. Natty went to get food for us.” You whined. “Come on baby I’ll even carry you.” You snuggled into her neck as your front was pressed into hers as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and placed a hand on your butt to stabilise you as you wrapped your legs around her waist. Your face still pressed into her neck smelling her perfume. You felt safe and loved. Knowing they would always be there for you. Knowing they would drop everything to make sure your were ok was something that made you want to cry from joy. Knowing how much they loved you.

MASTERLIST

[fishhawish]

hellooo good day to you ! :D

i've read your cheater Diluc x vindictive Reader but i was hoping you could do this but this time with ayato cheating on reader with chiori. i want reader realising he is cheating from her oldest child.

you can ignore this if you're not ok with it !! stay safe~

(ps. if you have anon emojis, may i be 🌸 anon?)

Awe thank you<3 ofc 🌸 Anon! I don't have them but You can be my first. Also sorry for long response, stay safe as well!

I'm currently still also mad at chiori because I didn't get her sword on weapon banner and I wanted it for albedo so perfect lol.

And sorry it's short I have no motivation rn.

♪

Perfidiousness • Ayato x Reader

Angst with some comfort

Tw: cheating, manipulation, toxic relationship, slight misogyny, divorced parents (lmk if I missed anything)

At night winters in Inazuma can get quite chilly. And even chillier in your marriage with Kamisato Ayato. Despite being next to him at night, the bed still felt cold unlike how it used to be. The once attentive and doting man began to neglect your relationship. The beautiful Chiori designed sleep wear being the only thing to warm you. The beautiful pattern in the colors that you loved detailed the high quality fabric elegantly.

Sooner than later, even those luxurious items of clothing couldn't keep you warm when you saw your eldest daughter coming back with a sickened expression, but refusal to answer. "Sweetie what's wrong?" Your voice gently calls out to her as she whips around and shakes her head frantically. "Are you feeling unwell?" Worry in your tone. "Please do not worry, I just happened to see a dead cat when I went for a stroll" she responds trying to hide the panic.

You could see through the lies of hers. "Oh my, I'll send Thoma to give it a proper burial. Is that okay dear?" You said as you put your hand on her shoulder to comfort her. "Yes, that will be appreciated." Your daughter said walking off. After she left You peer though the open crack on the door to see Ayato assisting and giving chiori his goodbyes before she left for the night. He paid her to make you a custom garment for your anniversary.

Something look quite off about the two giving each other their goodbyes. It seemed.. unprofessional. Perhaps more, close? You decided to ignore it. Your daughter looked at you from the corner of the hallway hoping you noticed her father's affair with the fashion designer. She looked guilty, looking down at the ground. Contemplating wether she should tell you about his affair or not. 'Maybe You already knew and is ignoring it?" She thought.

The next morning she called out to you. Her voice ringing in your ears as you turn your attention to her. "Yes dear?" You said, voice bearly above a whisper as you smile at her sweetly. "There's something you should know.. Have You seen Father and Miss Chiori recently?" She looked worried. You nodded in response. "Do you know what's going on between them?" She asked nervously watching you shake your head 'no'.

She looked even more nervous. "I believe Father is having an affair with Miss Chiori.." she watched your expressions, which although looked sad it didn't change too much. "That's okay, she can't replace me." You tell her, a surprised expression evidence on her facial features. "You're not going to leave Father?" she said. "It'll take me a lot more than just an affair to leave him, after all I won't give up being his wife. He can have his affair all he wants, but I won't divorce him." You looked confidently at her.

"But why?" She said distressed. "I have my reasons" You replied softly while hugging her. She was about to cry. She didn't understand the reasoning for which why you would ever stay with Ayato if he's cheating. "If I divorce him, It'll ruin your little sibling's family lives, and it'll take away my power in Inazuma." You look away from her smiling softly before releasing her from the hug.

She looked up at you, slightly hurt but understanding. "Are you sure?" She whispered as you nodded. "I'm positive" You said nonchalantly. "Thank You, I will be returning to my corridor. I love you." She looked at the ground sounding defeated. "I love you too sweetie" you said before returning to your current task. The day goes by and ends quickly.

Day by day, you see Chiori with your husband. Her giving you backhanded compliments, at some point your daughter even almost snapped at her and started yelling at her. Your Husband constantly getting onto your daughter for her behaviors. At some point you'll have to stop him from getting angry and yelling. And yet you watch Him cheat on You with Chiori every day. And she's blissfully unaware.