#and that’s why I’m here!! to keep them safe but god there’s literally only so much I can do

[targaryenluvs]

HIDE N SEEK’ / DEMON!DEAN WINCHESTER

Pairings: Demon!Dean Winchester x Fem!Hunter!Reader

Summary: Sam had placed you in a safe home when learning that Dean had somehow gotten away. But Dean promised you, a few games have to be played, and maybe you might just get away. Silly you, a Demon never keeps his word.

Warnings: Dark themes per usual, established relationship, chasing, taunting, use of force, threats & anger, hair pulling, threats, dacryphilia, sexual implications, vulgar language

Word count: 1.7K Words

A/N: Here it is! My first Supernatural fic, I’m so excited to write for these two! I'm still on season one so forgive me for any inaccuracies <3

Gif not mine, credits to the owner!

Your heart was beating erratically, and rightfully so.

The literal demon version of your own boyfriend, Dean, was currently chasing you around your place. So much for safe home.

“The more you run, the more angry I get Y/n/n.” His voice sent chills down your spine but you knew you had to keep going. You rounded the corner and grabbed the stair case banister to haul yourself upstairs. You could hear his footsteps, loud and clear.

“I gave you a chance, remember that.”

The house that was now trapping you inside, used to be your safe haven.

“Why won’t you just tell me what’s going on Sam?!” His eyes wouldn’t meet yours, the entire time he drove. Sam’s knuckles kept wrapping around the wheel, his knuckles were white and his grip unrelenting.

You’d met Dean not long ago, whilst you were still a baby hunter. Only a year had gone by since you’d lost your best friend whilst she and her boyfriend were on a hunt. It was your first time, and when you’d found out about the supernatural world. A wrong swing, a sharp knife and the dark of night caused her to pass away that night.

You were thoroughly traumatised from losing someone you were so close to, and the job wasn’t complete yet. But Jake called in reinforcements, in the form of Sam and Dean.

From then you’d continued to keep in touch with them, mostly Dean, talking to him helped you immensely when dealing with the pain of losing someone you loved. And when you’d run into them in California, and Dean asked you out, you were jumping for joy.

Within the two weeks you’d spent with them, hunting, travelling and living, you’d never felt happier. So when Dean asked you to stay with him, to be his?

You agreed with no hesitation.

But with a sick family member, you drew back. It’d been over a month and in that time you’d missed so much. So when your family got better and they all dispersed to their rightful places, you were surprised when Sam all of a sudden came to pick you up.

And you’d wound up at your safe home. With no explanation and a lack of communication, you found yourself lonely. Dean never reached out, Sam only checked in on mornings to make sure you were okay. Sam had literally taken your phone, giving you another with only his number.

Of course you’d asked questions, but you trusted Sam. So when he told you it was for the best? You’d listened. You’d wanted more information, but not like this.

The ringing of your phone had awoken you that night, you groaned as you turned over glancing at the alarm clock to your side.

3:30am.

“Sam what—,”

“Are you okay?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you sat up in your bed, “I’m fine, what’s up?”

“You need to check the doors. The windows— god everything. You need to make sure you’re safe. Do you have access to your weapons?”

“No, I left them in my car. Most of my weapons stash is downstairs, I only have a few handguns and knifes in the bathroom. What’s wrong Sam?”

“It’s Dean, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you Y/n. He’s not safe, he’s…” You got up from your bed, heading downstairs. You needed water if you were going to continue with this weird conversation.

You refrained from rolling your eyes, what hell is up with the dramatics? “He’s what Sam. A vampire?” You joked whilst grabbing a glass from the cupboard.

“Nope, not a vampire sweetheart.”

The glass shattered on the floor at the sound of his voice, it’d been far too long since you’d heard it.

‘Y/n? You still there?’ His voice was so close yet so far.

‘'Y/n? Is he there?" His voice was so close yet so far. Dean’s eyes were dark and black, nothing like the green you found yourself loving everyday. As if the eyes weren’t enough to tell you something was wrong, the hammer in his hand and the dark expression on his face.

Demon. 

It was the one word that seeped into your mind from Sam’s screeching through the phone. Dean’s smirk made your heart beat faster. "If I was you sweetheart, I’d get to runnin’."

So you did. 

With all the energy your drowsy body could muster, you ran past him and into the dining room before turning the corner. His taunts followed as you turned a corner, only to be met with a hard chest. “You’re making this too easy baby. How bout’ this, you hide and I seek. And if I catch you,”

You tried to pull away from him, but Dean was stronger now. “If I catch you, well you don’t wanna know.” His eyes flicked from green to black, and your heart dropped. His grip faltered and you took it as your chance to go. You ran to the back door, only to find it locked.

“Thought I told you to hide?”

“Shut up! I’m not playing!” You shouted as you ducked behind the kitchen counter, hopefully he hadn’t seen you by now.

As you peaked from behind you noticed the black boot by your foot, “You always looked best beneath me.” A wave of disgust rolled through as you grabbed onto his leg and pushed, swiping it from underneath him.

You ran back to the stairs.

“I gave you a chance, remember that.”

The words echoed through your head as you ran upstairs into your bedroom when the alarm system began blaring.

A bit late for that, you thought.

The crimson red seeped through the whole home, indicating an intruder. Shivers went up your spine at the thought of a demon chasing you, red consuming you.

You were a hunter, yes. But not emotionless, so a literal Demon chasing you through your home with the face of your boyfriend was more than enough to cloud your judgement. On one hand, all you can see is Dean. You can stare into his eyes, whether they're green or black, you can see the familiar stature that always cuddled you.

You could hear his voice, and boy was it hard to not listen.

Leaning against the door, you closed your eyes and breathed heavily in an attempt to calm yourself down. Was Sam on his way? Or were you defenceless against him?

As you calmed down, your eyes widened in terror. The bathroom door to your right was open, and led right into your room. You scrambled to your feet and rushed to the door but were knocked back down.

You were right, a Demon's much more menacing with a red glow. he was entering the bathroom with a smile on his face.

"There you are, sweetheart." He raised his arms outwards in a mock hug, those open arms were usually your safety. But now? You weren't so sure if they'd be the best place to be.

"Now I told you not to run, you can't get away. Be realistic baby." His footsteps were slow and menacing, but he hadn't entered the room yet. Your eyes flickered momentarily to the door, and an idea rushed through your mind.

Dean seemingly caught on, "Don't you dare—,"

The slamming of the door cut him off as you swiftly rose to your knees, turning the lock. A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you got up with the help of your bed. "Okay, now I'm mad."

And you sure as hell were not in the mood to experience it. So you slowly tiptoed over to the bedroom door, unlocking it. The eerie silence did nothing but raise your heartbeat. Where was he?

You turned to look back at the bathroom door, you couldn't spot any shadows. Either you barricade yourself upstairs and pray for a miracle in the form of a certain Winchester, or you take your chances with the stairs and risk getting grabbed.

You had a good feeling about the stairs, and if Dean was following then you'd for sure hear him with how loud his steps were, right?

The bedroom door closed behind you as you slowly made your way to the top of the stairs. You couldn't hear anything, or see anything besides red. So you ran.

With each step your faith in getting away was renewed.

But as you made your way to the ground an arm harshly dug into your stomach as you screamed. "Told you I'd getcha." You squirmed in his grasp, clawing at the door to pull yourself away from him. "Keep moving like that and I'll crush your skull in." That got your attention, your arms dropped to your side as you stood on the ground.

"Always so good for me baby, yeah?" You shook your head as he chuckled, "You don't want to be my good girl?" His voice was hot in your ear, and his words went straight down to your--

"I'm talking to you." Dean spun you around, you were chest to chest now, his eyes bore into yours as he awaited a response. His stare was too intense so you settled for staring at the ground. He didn't like it.

His hands dug into your chin, forcing you to look up at him, "Yes or No?" Your lips inched closer to his as he grinned, "Missed me have you?" The distraction was all you needed, the hunter in you telling you to run. Dean groaned as you ran towards the door having swiftly kneed him in the groin.

As your hands fumbled with the latch, a hand twisted around your hair before yanking you back, "You bitch, you think you're slick?" You cried out as he climbed ontop of you, his eyes flashed back to black as a scowl overcame his face.

His hold never relented as he dragged you upstairs, “Please Dean!” Despite your pleading he continued to walk, your pleas seemingly driving him. “You want to be a bitch? I’ll treat you like one.” You wheezed as you made impact with bed, courtesy of Dean’s harsh push.

You turned over, trying to crawl away as his hand wrapped around your ankle, “Stop!” His chuckle was deep and his hand bruised you. You couldn’t help the tears that ran down your face, this wasn’t your Dean.

“Fuck you look pretty when you cry. Y’know, I’ve missed this.” His hands ran down your stomach, and back up your chest as you attempted to shimmy away. A hand wrapped around your hip, digging in to hold you down.

“Missed these tits too.”

Your eyes widened as his hand unbuckled his belt.

“We’ve got time to spare, right?”

[christinesficrecs]

I had a request for newer fics, so here you go! Also, some other recent fics were posted here.

They’re all together ooky, the Hale family… (Snap, Snap) by DropsOfAddiction | 12.4K | Explicit

Derek realises that he’s probably squashing Stiles a little bit, right at the same moment that Stiles apparently realises that he’s still holding onto Derek’s face.

They both definitely acknowledge Derek’s nakedness at the same exact time, judging by the alarmed look on Stiles’ face.

“So, you have no clothes on,” Stiles removes his hands and holds them above his head in surrender, cheeks a muddy red.

“In my defence, I was covered in fur less than two minutes ago,” Derek rolls his eyes and he pushes himself up and off him, hands covering his junk for Stiles’ sake.

“You’re still kind of furry now…” Stiles sits up, blinking rapidly, clearly just as weirded out as Derek. “Oh my god, pretend I didn’t say that. I’m not looking or anything.”

Derek smirks, because that… that was a lie and he cocks an eyebrow at him.

as dear as a brother by endversed | 10.3K | Explicit

“You are not allowed to sleep with him,” Scott says.

“You’re not the boss of me,” Stiles scoffs.

Stiles and Scott become best friends at college. Derek is Scott's hot older brother.

Take Me Away From Here by Hedwig221b | 33.5K | Explicit

Derek Hale looked terrifying. With his broad frame and muscles, with his wild black hair and thick beard, with his eyes the color of blood and fangs of a killer. Despite his kindness and his apparent attraction to Stiles, he was still a stranger, a predator, a wolf.

The thing is, Stiles would deal, but others might not. People found Lord Hale horrid, monstrous and unapproachable.

If Stiles stood behind him, no one would touch him.

He’d be safe with the wolf. If not from him, then definitely from everyone else. And that was enough.

Messily Ever After by KaliopeShipsIt | 20.3K

When Stiles and his blue slushie have a literal and quite splashy run-in with an adorable five-year old flower girl and her panicking daddy in the middle of the mall, the last thing he expects is to get a date to a stranger's wedding out of it.

Let alone, a boyfriend and a kid.

His Accidental Touch by Hidden_Orchard | 12.8K | Explicit

It happened accidentally, the first time. All the many and varied times afterwards, Stiles would hold his hands up and admit full responsibility for. But that first time – pure chance.

Derek needs a cuddle. Stiles - generous man that he is - would never deny Derek something he needs.

An Alpha's Misunderstandings by Dexterous_Sinistrous | 48.5K | Mature

And Derek was there, as if it was a simple twist of fate.

There were so many ways Stiles wanted to forgive Derek, but then he came to his senses.

He wouldn’t risk Charlotte’s safety for that hope–never again. ~*~ Stiles and Derek are parted by war and misunderstandings, only to find each other again.

Red, Red, Red by loserchildhotpants | 9.4K | Explicit

“Just… it’s weird, I’ve been - uh. You ever, like, dream of something? Something you’ve never seen before, but then you see it out in the world?”

everywhere, everything (every day) by nerdy-stilinski (Captain_Ameriyeah), S3anchaidh | 14.3K

Derek’s never been the best at making decisions. That’s how he keeps waking up with Stiles in his arms, but never under the right circumstances.

Or: Derek agrees to a pack vacation and instantly regrets it.

Matchmaking in Fandom by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 13K

It wasn’t like it was a secret that the showrunners made terrible decisions when it came to their own show, so why he’d had actual faith in them not fucking the movie up, he had no idea. Really, it was his own fault.

He hadn’t even set the bar high for the movie! The bar was so incredibly low, like mid-shin height, and they somehow managed to get it subterranean. That was talent. A bad talent, but still a talent.

if i'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that i am? by EvanesDust | 13K

When Derek’s kids write out their Christmas lists, they insist he writes one too. Not long after it's deposited in Santa's mailbox, he's reunited with the man of his dreams.

Stiles.

Derek can't help but fall for him again. It's really too bad Stiles is so obviously taken.

...or the one where Derek’s a grump who makes assumptions about his pregnant omega neighbor.

[princessbrunette]

imagine jayj's panic rambling about some stupid lead john b wants to chase next, pacing the floors n practically given you a headache cos he literally hasn't breathed in the last five minutes so you just drop to your knees in front of him to get him quiet - 🍓

🩰𓈒⋆⑅˚₊୨୧

you could never quite follow with all the pogue adventure stuff. it was alot, and each day brought new details and side quests and it was difficult to keep up with. you knew that if it was a lot for you, it had to be a lot on your boyfriend jj — which became more and more clear as he paced your girly bedroom, repeatedly yanking his hat off to run a stressed hand through his hair.

“and you know me i don’t like to wait — we’re wastin’ valuable precious time that could be spent walkin’ right in there, sticking a gun in their mouth n’ waiting for them to squawk, but no — nah of course john b wants to do the freakin’ logical thing and regroup tomorrow. tomorrow, babe— these dudes are gonna be half way across the ocean by tomorrow, bon appetit— never to be seen again!”

“do you mean bon voyage?” you furrow your eyebrows, swinging your legs as you listen along, sat on your vanity watching the blonde pace your room. he’d only been in your house for a matter of ten minutes, and you weren’t sure he’d taken a second to breathe since he had arrived — ranting furiously about the day of pogue drama and adventure.

“look— whatever, okay— the point is, no one’s listening to me, n’i get it, right? jj’s the crazy one, jj’s always gettin’ himself into trouble— but you know why that is? it’s because i take action.” he pummels his fist into his hand with emphasis. “i’m not gonna just sit here and let these guys get away with this shit, you know?”

he finally looks at you, like expecting an answer and you take the opportunity— hopping off the vanity to step towards him. “i know it’s frustrating, jayj — but there’s nothing you can do right now. everyone’s safety including yours should be the main priority.” you pout. you know he didn’t wanna be lectured by you on being safe, especially not right now but you couldn’t help offer your opinion. plus, as selfish as it sounded you kind of wanted him to drop the whole thing now. it was pointless, really.

“i know — okay? i know. i’m sorry i’m… yeah, i’m just stressed the fuck out. you know how i get. i just kinda find it funny how he— wh… what you doin’ there?” he’s paused in his tracks when you’re suddenly infront of him, nodding intently along with what he’s saying as your fingers pop open the button on his shorts.

you have the audacity to look confused by his question, tilting your head like a sweet lost puppy. “…helping? said you were stressed, jayj?” you furrow your brows, manicured fingers slowly dragging his zipper down before you sink to your knees, looking up at him expectedly.

“you— uh, you were gonna…? right here?” he blinks, his anatomy betraying him as his cock jumps in his pants in muscle memory of you being on your knees. you nod happily, leaning forward with a polite smile, pressing a kiss to his bulge through his pants.

“wanna help.” you muse happily, almost cheerfully and he swallows, taking his hat off for the last time and tossing it onto your bed.

“hey, don’t let me stop you sugar. just… surprised. god damn.” he runs a hand through his hair, the frustration already starting to seep out of his body. you take this as the green light to start massaging his length through the fabric, giggling giddily as you ready him for your mouth.

“just relax now, jj. lemme make it better.”

🩰𓈒⋆⑅˚₊୨୧

[kisses4lao]

So I was the one who requested Kung Lao with a breeding kink- 😏 and now I’m here to request Kung Lao with a reader that’s smaller then him. Like he can easily pick them up and their hand is smaller then his. Like reader would be able to wrap their hand around his pinky. ((I have a friend who can do that and I think it’s really funny))

The things I'd let this man do to me. Every single position. Any time of the day. Anywhere. In the shower, in the kitchen, at the octagon, my mom's house, ANYWHERE.

SFW/NSFW hcs of kung lao with a size kink

Tw/cw: kung lao has a size kink, a very big size kink, reader is like 5'1 bc I'm 5'1 and I'm definitely not self projecting, piv, belly bulge, he hugs during sex it's rlly hot, AFAB reader, uh yeah you get it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sfw

Kung lao is very cocky so I feel as though he'd be the type to lovingly make fun of you. Like, as your boyfriend he'd comment on how small you are compared to him and how you can't reach things on higher shelves and need his help, things like that. But as SOON as someone else makes fun of your height, he's beating the shit out of them

Going off the last one, he'd definitely put items on higher shelves JUST so that you'd ask him for help. He genuinely loves being helpful to you so putting you in an innocent situation feeds his ego

He'd definitely introduce you to all of his friends too. He does this thing where if you're standing next to him he'll put his arm on your head and use you as an armrest

Johnny definitely hits on you a lot and whenever he does Kung Lao just gives him a glare. Hes the only person you guys hang out with that Kung Lao doesn't trust you with. It's not that he doesn't trust you, he absolutely does, he just doesn't trust him

Raiden and you are definitely good friends and he's around the same height as Kung Lao. Because him and your boyfriend are close, he lets Raiden poke at your height a bit, but he never does. If anything he just comments on how cute you are compared to everyone else(why is everyone in mk so FUCKING TALL DUDE)

If you ever get into a dicey situation, let's say with Johnny, and Kung Lao is behind you, he's picking you up with complete ease and putting you somewhere safe so he can beat the shit out of him

Sometimes Kung Lao just picks you up and carries you around. No reason. No warning. He's either carrying you bridal style or over his shoulder. He just does it for shits

Nsfw

Oh my god he's so into you being smaller than him

He can just swing you around and overpower you so easily

He's obviously not gonna do anything you're uncomfortable with, he's very big on consent and your comfort and you guys ALWAYS have a safe word

But he will put you in a mating press and hold you there. Like, you're not moving.

That's how it is with every position, he lets you move your upper body but your waist is his to control

Absolutely loves when you ride him. Because of how small you are, your tummy always has an imprint of him inside you. It literally drives him insane and he cums so easily when he sees it

When you're doing missionary, he'll wrap his arms around your waist and lower himself onto you. He'll be hugging you as he's pounding his cock into you, but he's singing you so many praises

He'll be whimpering into your ear (yes he whimpers) and he'll be telling you how good youre doing. "you're doing so good for me", "such a tight pussy, all for me, right?", "you're gonna make me cum if you keep it up"

If he ever plays with your clit when he's inside you, you'll clench so hard he cums immediately. Then hes embarrassed by how easily he comes undone from you

He can't get over how sweetly you treat him, both in and out of bed. When you're having sex, he gets so turned on by all of your moans and soft praises

He definitely likes to 69 you but he also likes lotus every once in a while. He loves to be able to feel your body so close to his and he picks out positions specifically for that reason

If you guys live together, you're having sex every night. Kung Lao has an incredibly high sex drive and when you're not around to help him out he lashes out a lot

He'll be training with the other monks and he can't focus because of how horny he is. Raiden caught onto it and knows about Kung Laos needs, he teases him about it a lot but understands

It got to the point where Raiden recommended having you come with him. Maybe if you were in reach at any given moment it would make him feel better

So you went with him. And those few days you did were absolute disasters. Kung Lao didn't get anything done because the thought of you seeing him working out turned him on more than usual. So he'd be picking you up and running to a quiet place just to fuck you. Over. And over. And over again.

Eventually Raiden realized you coming with was a mistake and you had to leave. Not without Kung Lao crying and pleading with Raiden to let you stay

At this point Kung Lao doesn't even care about anything other than you. If you were to tell him to do anything, he'd be on it in seconds. He doesn't even care if Liu Kang approves of it, but luckily for you both he understands how it feels(cough cough kitana)

Long story short, he's a simp.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[bg-brainrot]

Have you ever wanted to give Astarion more hugs? Because I did. So I wrote 34K words just to give him more hugs. It's Hugs for a Vampire, literally just uploaded the last chapter.

It's my first finished long fic ever and I feel this weird little pride so I wanted to gush about it. Please enjoy a few of my favorite snippets below (spans the game so beware spoilers), but this thing has a bit of everything.

You want figuring out boundaries? You got it!

You’re not sure how much of it is a choice that you’ve consciously made or if it’s born of your underlying worry. It hasn’t been long since you entered this new phase in your relationship, and the past couple of weeks have been a lot of trial and error to get to a place of some comfort and understanding. As such, you know exactly why you’ve been careful, consciously or not. “I don’t want to touch you if you’re not ready for it,” you say, tilting your head toward his, whispering your words away from the rest of the group.

The vampire freezes a moment, his eyebrows knitting into a look of concern. “While I appreciate the sentiment, darling, a hug isn’t exactly carnal .”

You give him a flat look. “Of course it isn’t,” you respond back. “But it’s still… intimate. You should be allowed to decide when that happens. If you hug me, I know you want it to happen.”

Astarion finally uncrosses his arms, only to rub at his temple in exasperation. “Ugh, you’re being disgustingly considerate,” he says, closing his eyes. “It’s times like this that I wonder how we’ve even gotten this far.”

You want a smidge of angst? Of course.

Astarion’s arm around you shifts, an attempt to pull you closer. You turn to face him and lean in to help his efforts. He gives you a sad little grateful smile, and tucks you into his chest, your head resting just below his chin. When he speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper, a low rasp to it, “I’m here, dear. We’re in this together.”

Nodding into his chest, you take a few steading breaths. “I know,” you say. “But is it too much to ask for a break every once and a while?”

“Darling,” a cold kiss graces your temple before he continues, “I’ve been asking myself that question for two-hundred years.” His words aren’t meant to elicit sympathy, just reality, and you both soak in it for a while. Laying in each others’ arms, bodies too exhausted to move, spirits too broken to speak, you allow yourself to weep.

You want calling Astarion out on his bullshit? For sure.

“Gods,” he breathes out in anguish. “I can’t say you’re wrong. I can only say I'm so glad we didn’t meet then. I don’t even want to think what would have happened to you…”

You’ve never been above challenging your lover’s sullen moods, facing his avoidances head on. So you stare him down fiercely when you say, “Don’t you avoid this, Astarion. Face it, like you must face them. You would have killed me.”

And just like that, something in him buckles. All of his blustering blown away in the stark reality of his previous life. “I would have killed you.” Astarion’s shoulders bow, his head turns away from you and it’s all you can do to hold back a fierce, rib-shattering embrace.

You want fluff? Hell yeah.

You’re ever the slightly more responsible of the two of you. “I always thought that the day we got thrown into prison together it would be for theft, murder, maybe racketeering– not public indecency.”

“The night is young, dear,” he says, smiling up at you innocently. "I wouldn't rule any of them out quite yet."

You plant a small kiss on his head and respond, “You are an utter fool.”

You want an ending where he doesn't run off on his own and break your heart? It's only natural 😭

Sniffling, tears trailing down your face and onto his neck, you know your voice is barely there. But you need him to know. You whisper to him, “We’re all here for you. You’re safe with us.”

And like a stubborn lock that finally gives, he collapses into you. His full body weight bears down on you, and it’s all you can do to keep from toppling over. Yet you remain solid, fully ready to support him as long as he needs.

Anyway, I just wanted to be excited, if you read this far ty I appreciate you and pls how do I get this vampire man out of my head 🥲

[tightjeansjavi]

about what my hands and my body done

A/N: this is all @amanitacowboy @chaotic-mystery fault 😩 once again, angst with sprinkled in smut because I am a menace that cannot be stopped!

~word count: 472~ (see! I can write drabble..sometimes)

Summary: Joel’s hands. That’s it. That’s the summary.

Pairing | post! outbreak Joel Miller x f! reader

Warnings: smut, fingering, hand kink??, angst, blood, tears, you’re like literally in love with Joel’s hands, +18 minors dni!

main masterlist masterlist

Joel Miller’s hands must have surely been sculpted by the gods themselves. Why else would they look so perfect? He’d disagree, naturally. He viewed them to be ugly, unnatractive, useless in the cases where they were so damaged, he’d have to grit his teeth together to mask the pain. To you? They were beautiful. Perfectly crafted to encase around your hand like a shield. Or purchased around your throat, like a pretty necklace. You especially loved it when he used those hands of his to pry your thighs apart, tsking under his breath when they would subconsciously snap shut when the sensation of his fingers knuckle deep inside of you became too much for you to handle. A mix between pain and pleasure as your eyes would screw shut, head thrown back as you cried out his name.

“Keep ‘em open f’me. Can’t make you cum if you ain’t obeyin’ and bein’ a good girl f’me.” He rasped as his thumb began to paint practiced strokes across your neglected clit. He always knew how to play your strings just right.

Hands that could send you reeling into a blissful state that only he was capable of bringing you too. Hands that held you protectively with shameless care. Grasping your hips, your arm, with blunt fingernails lightly pressing into your skin. Splayed across your tummy as he holds you close at night. Fingertips twitching, quivering against your flesh; another nightmare rolls through like clockwork. Fingertips to be held, admired, kissed, licked, worshiped.

Bruised knuckles over the years, torn skin, crusted blood as you leave featherlight whispers of kisses on his wounds. Hands that have killed for you, cared for you, protected you.

Wrinkles, veins, scarred tissue; all beautiful. All him; all yours.

Hands that grasped a gun firmly, and your face delicately. Rough pads of thumbs brush away freshly fallen tears.

“Never g’nna leave you. Ain’t no one on this god forsaken earth can take me from you, angel.” He fiercely reassured you. Hands streaked in blood, not of his own, but of another. Fingernails encrusted with grime and flesh tissue. Not his. Not his.

“I’ll crawl home to you everytime. Every goddamn time. I’ll give every motherfucker hell if they try’n take me from you.”

Hushed tone, soft touches, acidic copper, salt. Tears mixing with your own as he kisses you soft, sweet, tender. Hands grasping yours with a trembled grasp.

Tongues tangled, teeth clash, rough fingertips gliding under the confines of your shirt; his. Grasping at skin, biting at flesh, hold me. Hold me. Hold me. You beg, unneeded as he’s already there, holding you as close as he can, it’s not enough. It’s never enough as you cling to him as if your life depends on it.

I’m here. I’m right here.

Hands that hold you steady, keeping you safe and warm, even as they tremble fiercely.

Banners made by the lovely @saradika 🤍

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

It’s the end of May, which means I’m sad and insane about the khux finale again

lol just kidding, I’m ALWAYS sad about the khux finale!

anyway, here’s a ramble analysis-esque thing about how the most tragic trio of all time has hurt me

The Ephemer and Skuld fight is so much more excruciating when you remember that for literally the entire game, all they wanted was for Player to be safe, even if it meant breaking rules and hiding things from them.

Eph and Skuld saved Player from the keyblade war even though they weren’t a Dandelion, and realistically should’ve been left behind to meet their fate like all the other non-Dandelions. Instead, they chose to take Player to the new world and spare them from the trauma of the war, carrying the burden of those memories in their stead.

You have to remember that Eph and Skuld were also on the battlefield during the war, or at least during the tail end of it. They never talk about it on screen, but even if they were only there for a short time, seeing all that destruction, and all those wielders dying on the battlefield when they were basically given a free pass to escape it all, had to have been insanely horrific for both of them.

And then seeing Player, their friend, on the brink of dying, is enough to shake the two of them to their core, and go against their initial beliefs. Eph believed that it would be better for everyone to remember the past, for the future’s sake. And Skuld believed in doing what was right, even if it meant unveiling the ugly truths no one wanted to hear.

The cutscene where they’re talking to Chirithy about hiding the truth is so poignant to me because while Skuld and Eph do feel bad about withholding stuff from Player, after seeing the literal end of the world and them on the brink of death, they’ve agreed that it’s the lesser evil, that it’s worth doing. They keep Player close enough to watch over them. They keep them busy with new jobs, and happy with new friends, blissfully unaware of what they had to endure. Because as selfish as it is, lying to Player is miles better than seeing them in pain. Than seeing them die.

BUT here’s the thing: Eph and Skuld never considered that Player would feel the exact same way about them. That Player would be willing to lie to their faces and “go against what they believe”, turning into the very enemy they were trained to defeat, for their sake. It’s an ironic twist, and the smartest thing Player has ever done, preying on Eph and Skuld’s worst fear in order to ensure they truly fight for themselves and make it out safely, instead of pulling the self sacrifice play they were intending. Player literally used an uno reverse card on them and it worked.

The three of them lied and changed to protect each other, and neither party ever found out the truth in the end. They trusted one another with their lives, and trusted themselves to do what was right on each other’s behalf. And damn, did they do it. khux ends with these three friends beating the shit out of each other, their lives crumbling underneath the weight of how much they care about each other, and as far as we know, they never see each other again. At least not for another several centuries, give or take.

god. Just. god. What the hell did Nomura inject into these three and why am I still crying about it 3 years later???

[kitthepurplepotato]

Chapter 17 - Drama in the air ✈️

Winter wonderland #1

Summary: The gang makes their way to the Winter Cabins. Somehow, everyone is grumpy today. Also, why does Rody and Katsuki hate each other?!

Warnings: Swear words, a tiny bit suggestive, a lot of tension for some weird reason.

Second warning: the “Winter Wonderland” storyline will contain other background relationships (Kirishima x Bakugou, Tamaki x Mirio, Kaminari x Shinsou, Todoroki x Yaomomo) and NSFW stuff (NOT with them. Khm), but I’ll leave a warning before it happens! This chapter is safe!)

First Chapter Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“Welcome aboard, my friends!” Rody’s voice comes through the speakers. “I’ll do my best to not drop you all into the ocean!”

“I want to go home.” Tamaki whimpers with his face hidden in his best friend’s neck, who’s wearing a plain T-shirt with “emotional support animal” written on the front. You can’t help but giggle. That guy looks like he knows how to have fun.

“Are you getting off on being an asshole?” Katsuki yells towards the front, annoyed. Izuku sighs next to you.

“Guys, can you just get along? I still don’t understand why are you so mean to him, Kacchan. You frowned at him back then, too.”

“Hey, the guy literally just made the octopus-chicken EMO guy cry and I’m the asshole?” Katsuki retorts. “Look at him! He’s about to hyperventilate!”

“… and calling him an octopus-chicken is better? “ Shouto adds.

“That’s a fair point, Blasty.” Kaminari chimes in, too.

“What a loud bunch! I like that! And to answer your question, I do not get off on being an asshole. I leave that little kink to you, brother.”

“Oh you are so fucking dead.” Katsuki stands up, palm making tiny explosions. Eijirou tries his best to sit him back down and you swear Tamaki’s soul just left his body for a second.

“I miss home. Can we go back? I can float us.” Izuku whispers into your ear.

“I don’t think we can open the door without crushing everyone thanks to the pressure up here.” You whisper back.

“Bummer.” He sighs again, clearly overwhelmed by all the loudness after being home for so long.

“Think about the cabin, though. We will have a fireplace, a nice cozy bed… we can keep each other warm during the night…” your palm on Izuku’s thigh slowly creeps further, caressing his inner thigh and Izuku almost chokes on his saliva, his face as red as a lobster’s.

“Oh my god, respectfully, can you not eye-fuck each other while I’m risking my life to keep this plane afloat?!” Kirishima moans with a blush on his face.

“Bro, they’ve been together in the same house for weeks yet they still can’t keep their hands off each other. I want that.” Kaminari adds longingly.

“Find yourself a horny little girlfriend then.” Shinsou pouts, staring out of the window. For everyone’s surprise, Kaminari doesn’t say anything back just sighs with a lovelorn expression.

“Okay, let’s leave all the baggage in the baggage compartment, this is a fun trip!” Rody’s head pops our from the front and everyone screams in unison.

“KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!”

“There is no road. Just clouds… ahh, nevermind. “

~•🥦•~

“Time to change into something warm, guys! We are approaching our main destination!” Rody’s voice comes through the speakers once again.

You look out of the window right away and you can’t believe what you are seeing; there is a small island right under the plane, covered in white and there is fresh snow falling from the sky, but only around the island, which makes it look like it’s a giant snow globe. It’s absolutely magical.

“Wow.” Katsuki stares out of the window with childish glee. Izuku looks at him with nothing but fondness, probably remembering their childhood when Katsuki’s gaze was constantly this pure. “Look at those mountains, Ei.” Katsuki mutters dreamily, completely fascinated as the island comes closer and closer, revealing more and more about itself as the plane approaches the land.

“You wanna climb that massive one, don’t you?” Eijirou snickers with his head resting on Katsuki’s shoulder. They are so fucking adorable, goddamit!

“Duh.” Katsuki snickers back proudly.

“Fuck, I forgot that it’s gonna be winter!” Kaminari freaks out. The guy is wearing a single leather jacket. You can’t help but sigh.

“Well, luckily for you, your boring ass roommate didn’t.” Shinsou murmurs under his nose, rummaging in his massive backpack as he speaks. After a few seconds, he takes out a winter coat and drops it on Kaminari’s head.

“Oh my god, I love you.” Kaminari goes for a hug with the coat still on his head. Tamaki giggles.

“Oh my god, Katsuki, he laughed! He’s not terrified of us!” Eijirou mutters, swiping a stray tear off his face.

“I mean, Denki is so dumb it’s literally impossible to be scared of him. I mean look at his face. Oh wait, you can’t see it. But you know what I mean.”

You really feel like you shouldn’t be listening in right now. Katsuki is so serene it feels like this version of him is reserved for Eijirou and Eijirou only.

“Sweets, look! You can see the cabins from here. On the top of that mountain!” Izuku steals your attention away by nuzzling into your neck, his finger pointing at the window. “Look, they have an onsen as well! By the look of it, every cabin comes with one…” He smiles knowingly. You can’t help but blush.

“Izu, behave yourself.”

“Hey, I’m on a holiday! I’m happy. Let me have this.” His sad smile shots an arrow through your heart. Fuck, you are such an idiot.

“Sorry. It’s just… I’m more excited about the massive fireplace. I hope there is fluffy rug in front of it. Like in the movies, you know.” Your blush can not be more obvious at this point, but you don’t care; by the look of it, everyone is too busy staring out the window to listen to your conversation anyway.

“If not, we can put some blankets down. Or I can just bring the mattress out. With black whip, of course.”

You can’t get over Izuku’s lovesick face and you never will. You still can’t believe you are the one who makes him look like that. He’s so handsome, but also so adorable, so sexy but so sweet, just the perfect combination of them all.

“I love you so much.” You mumble out loudly and Izuku shines brighter than thousand suns.

“I love you more.”

“Don’t start!” You giggle as the plane starts its landing.

“We are about to land! Buckle up, buddies! Don’t forget to clap later on!” Rody announces excitedly.

“What kind of idiot asks for people to clap? Now you ruined it!” Katsuki yells back and the bickering starts again.

“It was so peaceful…” Eijirou sighs, clearly given up.

“Well, if everything would be perfect it wouldn’t really feel real. But this does.” You smile at Eijirou who smiles back knowingly.

“I weirdly know what you mean.”

~•🥦•~

“Wow.” Tamaki is the first one to make a comment about the mesmerizing sight in front of you; you landed on a big chunk of concrete in the middle of a small hill; yes, you heard it right, that’s what these people call an airport apparently; and you can see most of the island from this point. There are cute shopping streets and pretty, modern buildings on your right side then you see some residential houses on the left side, quite far away from the main area of the city (the island is one city, or at least that’s what you’ve been told) then you have a bunch of mountains with small cabins scattered around one of them, then there is a massive mountain, so high you beg whoever is up there that the boys won’t want to climb to the top of it, because you definitely fucking can’t. By the look of it, there is heavy snow in the mountain area and a light one around the city center. Needless to say it’s really cold but the view warms your heart enough to not feel the chill that much.

“Welcome!” Rody climbs out of the plane, cracking his bones dramatically, his actions followed by an even more dramatic sigh. “The owners of the Island are waiting for us in that park there, so I’ll leave the explanations to them. It’s a good starting point as you have the shopping center and the massive grocery store close by, so we’ll be able to get some grub before making our way to the cabins.” And indeed, there is a cute park right between the shopping and the residential area. It’s quite far away but you knew what you are getting into when you said yes to another “camping trip”, so you just take a deep breath and pray to be strong enough to be able to get down there then up the MOUNTAIN (!), because by the look of it, there are no cabins anywhere else so that means you’ll need to do another hike to be able to get to your accommodation.

“Why do I feel like there is no bus to the cabins?” Kaminari mutters tiredly.

“Your lazy ass should’ve said yes to this trip if you can handle it, Pikachu.” Katsuki rolls his eyes annoyedly. “Bus? To the mountains? I would ruin the fun part.”

“Sorry, someone actually wanted to rest on their holiday.”

“When was the last time you got laid, Kaminari?” Katsuki retorts, clearly trying his best to shut his trap but this is Bakugou Katsuki. He just… can’t.

“When was the last time you got laid, Bakugou? You seem quite grumpy as well.” Rody tries to “help”, but needless to say that comment angers Katsuki to no end.

“You really don’t want an answer for that, Rody.” Eijirou laughs, scratching the back of his head, embarrassed.

“This morning, fucker.” Katsuki answers anyway and everyone who doesn’t know about Katsuki’s fiancé gawks in the background.

“Wow.” Rody is clearly rendered speechless. To be fair, you are not surprised.

“Fuckface.” Katsuki mutters under his nose and makes his way down the hill, taking Eijirou with him.

“Sorry man, I was just joking! I’ll be nice! Please tell me more about this girl…” Rody tries to get out of the awkward conversation, but he only makes it more awkward.

“Girl? Huh. That’s the kind of guy you are? What will your next comment be? “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve?””

“Okay, guys, there is no need for this! I’m quite sure he didn’t mean any harm.” Mirio tries to butt in. “Love is love, it doesn’t matter what shape it comes in. Thank you for telling us about your boyfriend, Katsuki, I’m really proud of you!”

“Fiancé.” Katsuki mutters under his nose, with a slight blush on his face.

“Okay, I feel like my friendly teasing is not really working with you, Bakugou. I am not homophobic. I’m sorry for assuming your sexuality. You just don’t look gay to me.”

“Oh, sorry, I’ll take my rainbow colored feather scarf out of my bag quickly, what the fuck?!”

“Kats, he has a point. We look extremely… heterosexual.” Eijirou adds.

“Second that.” Kaminari butts in.

“Sexuality has nothing to do with looks or behavior, but I feel like conversation is getting out of hand so please, let’s just… let this one go, Bakugou, my friend. I repeat, he meant no harm.” Mirio decides to end the drama; Tamaki is not having a great time, clearly shaking from the stress.

“You two are my best friends, can you please get along?” Izuku sighs, exasperated.

“I’ll behave.” Rody sighs as well. Katsuki doesn’t say anything just makes his way down once again.

“I wanna go home.” Tamaki mutters into Mirio’s ear who only taps the guy’s shoulder a few times to calm him down.

“Trust me, by the end of this trip they will be best buddies.”

Hm. You certainly doubt that.

~•🥦•~

“Welcome to my Island, young folks!” An old man and an old woman comes up to you guys once you reach the park Rody was talking about.

“Always so modest.” The old woman rolls her eyes at the man next to her, trying her best to keep her smile in place. “Welcome, young heroes! We are absolutely thrilled to have you here. We might not live in Japan, but we know all about your work! Your friend here is more than keen on boasting about his bestie, Deku! The whole village is a fan of you guys, so please be nice if they want a picture! We don’t really have heroes here so… you know. We see a lot of stupid celebrities here but not ones we actually respect, so…”

“I like this hag.” Katsuki adds. The death stare he gets from the woman is worth every penny.

“Hag is a good thing in Katsuki-language. He calls his mother a hag too and trust me, he loves her so much. Absolute mama’s boy he is.” Eijirou tries to save the day.

“I ain’t a mama’s boy, what the fuck?!”

The old man cleans his throat.

“I guess you have a lot of questions about this island, but before you fire away, please let me give you a brief introduction.” The old man says proudly. “This Island is the most expensive tourist destination in the area, mostly, because you can only come here by a private jet. I’ve been trying to get an actual airport here, but the island is so small they don’t want to spend the money on it, so yeah. Most of our customers are celebrities, millionaires, musicians who are supposed to be dead but actually, they are not… uhm… Nevermind. There are only a few hundred people living here, mostly the owners of the restaurants, stores and other staff members. This island has three parts; you have the residential area, the tourist area and “winter wonderland”, up in the mountains. That’s where you guys will be staying.” The man grins. “The tourist area is for the people who come here to rest while “winter wonderland” is for the adventurous folk. This bit around us is for the people who enjoy window shopping and walking around the city, it has several shops, live entertainment, amazing restaurants, several 5 star hotels with saunas, onsens, indoor pools and a lot of cute stuff. The “winter wonderland” area on the other hand is… well…” the man laughs. “First of all, you’ll need to climb up that hill to access your lodge. There are no roads to go up by a car, but trust me, the view will worth all that sweat. It’s also a good starting point if you want to climb the big mountain! If you like hiking, you’ll love this place. You can also order food and goodies from the iPad inside your lodge! We have a few guys with flying quirks who can easily deliver to the area! I must warn you, there is quite a lot of wildlife up there so don’t freak out if you hear noises coming from the forest. We try to feed them as much as we can so they don’t eat our customers, but…”

“Robert, what the fuck.” The old woman sighs, but then she looks at Katsuki’s sparkling eyes and starts laughing. “Looks like that youngster likes dangerous things.”

“I mean, we are heroes. We life for the thrill.” Eijirou grins. On the other hand, Izuku looks like he’s about to throw up.

“Can I stay down here with Sweet Pea, then? I don’t want her to get eaten by wolves.”

The old woman laughs.

“Oh, honey, my husband is just being silly, those animals are lovely. Even the wolves. I stayed up there myself when I was younger and I’m quirkless.”

“Ahh, the good old days! Do you remember when Lady Arianne ate from your hands? Such a huge beast she was, yet she never even barked at you.” Robert looks at his wife with a fond look on his face.

“I miss her.” The woman sighs.

“So why is it winter up here?” Kaminari asks the million dollar question, clearly too impatient to wait.

“That’s my quirk!” The old man grins. “I can change the weather. Permanently. It took me several years to get a yes from the government and I had to buy a whole island to be able to do so but I made it!”

“I thought he’s joking when he said he’ll buy an island one day.” Robert’s wife giggles. “He’s a madman.”

“How do you know Rody?” Izuku barges in, finally looking less constipated.

“Oh! This is my father and mother in law!” Rody grins giddily while the two sigh exasperatedly.

“No, we are not. You are not married to our daughter. I told you to stop spewing bullshit, son.”

“You just called me your son!”

“Fuck.”

“Like mother like daughter, of course she also had to find a madman.” The old woman sighs again with a fond smile on her face.

“You see? I’m a perfect addition to this family. Plus, I’m helping you with customers. I’m super useful! And I bring her over all the time, so really, you should thank me for being able to see her so much!”

“Okay, Rody, now shut the fuck up and lead the way before it gets dark.” Robert taps Rody’s back a few times and makes his way towards the nearest pub that has his face on the logo. “If you have any questions, ask Rody or call us. My throat got dry from all the talking.” He dismisses everyone and for a few seconds there’s only an awkward silence as everyone tries to comprehend all the information they’ve got.

“Okay friends, let’s do some grocery shopping before we go up, okay?” Mirio jumps into the air excitedly, pulling Tamaki with him towards the nearest supermarket.

“Yup! Let’s go!” Eijirou follows like a good puppy and everyone makes their way after them except…

“Izuku?”

“Just go with the others, I just. Want to… look around alone a bit.”

Your heart skips a beat. Is he… not happy? Did you do something wrong? Was that little mess up in the plane enough for him to loose himself in his negative thoughts? Fuck. Fuck.

You can’t help but spiral. You really want him to have fun. You really want to see him smile. You just want him to be the happiest nerd in the whole wide world but somehow, you feel like you are the reason he can’t chill right now. Is it because you are weak? Is he still worried about the beasts?

“Stop overthinking. That’s my job.” Izuku giggles and leaves tiny kisses on your cheeks. “I’ll be fine. Now go. Enjoy their company because I will steal you as soon as we get our cabin key.”

You try to believe him. You must. He’s smiling and he looks happy and it doesn’t look forced.

“Are you sure? You really freaked out when Robert said…”

“Sweet Pea…” Izuku jumps into your words, pulling you closer as he speaks. “Yes, I freaked out but then I remembered who are you with. These guys are the top heroes of our country. I might be injured, but I can take care of any danger with black whip if I need to. I just had a moment, that’s all. Go.” Izuku leaves one last kiss on your mouth and makes his way towards the small, cute shopping street on the other side.

“See you here in an hour?” You yell after him, and Izuku smiles.

“Yes. Pinky promise.”

… Next Chapter!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Potato ramble:

- Sorry if the chapter feels dry, but I had to give you a lot of information about the island otherwise you would have been like “okay what the fuck how.” 😂

- So what can be Deku’s problem? Tell me your opinions!

- Also, feel free to ask questions, but before you do:

Katsuki and Rody’s hate for each other will be explained in the next chapter

The reason why Rody’s girlfriend works so hard while her parents are millionaires will also be explained eventually!

- oh, and this is for those who doesn’t like all the other ships in the story: well, I’m sorry, but this is my story and I wanted to do more than just write a character x reader story so uhm… deal with it? Ignore it? Be nice? I would also like to add that I’m an absolute multi shipper so even though I usually write with KiriBaku, I’m an absolute Bakudeku lover as well, so… yeah. All your ships are welcome here. Like, I totally ship Kaminari and Jirou and I’ll be so mad if they won’t be canon. 😂

- On a more personal note: I’ve been feeling like shit mentally for the last few days so if I’m ever late with some chapters, I’m sorry. I’m trying to write every time I feel relatively okay, I still can’t believe I managed to finish this as I was about to make a post about this being delayed so yeah, be patient with me. It’s hard to write about fluff and happiness when you feel anything but that. 😂 but oh well, real life sucks am I right?

TL: @garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @katsuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @thekookiecorner @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai @happydragonfrog @eeerreehhh @vinivave

[moni-logues]

Kintsugi 5

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, tiny bit of eventual fluff

Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Word count: 7.2k

Content: depression, self-harm (cutting)

A/N: first and foremost, please read the warnings; there's literally only two and one is a pretty significant one so plleeeeasssseeee take heed!!!!!! And let me know if there's anything else I should be tagging for it. Feels too flip for me to ramble in my usual way here given the content of this chapter, so just to say be safe, and I hope you like it! Thank you to my betas @amethystwritesbts @quarter-life-crisis2 @here2bbtstrash

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six

Chapter Five - The other shoe

The sun was shining and birds were singing and you wished you were a character in a musical so you could burst into (tuneless) song and run across a field in a circle skirt. You hadn’t felt this good for a long, long time.  

“Looks like someone’s in a good mood,” was Taehyung’s greeting to you as you plopped down in your chair next to him. “You get laid or something?” 

You had, in fact, got laid last night. It had been even more anxiety-inducing than you had thought it would be, particularly given that Sungbin was a verified Greek god of a man and, well, your body had been through a little since the last time you were fully naked in front of someone new. You had put your body through a lot. The body keeps the score and it also shows the scars. You did not tend to keep them on display and you had hesitated and become awkward and flustered when you remembered them, when you realised he was going to see them, going to see what you had done to yourself.  

He didn’t mention them. He didn’t make it weird. He didn’t avoid them nor did he bring extra attention to them. He acted as if they weren’t there at all. Then he made you come until you were seeing stars.  

“That good, huh?”  

It had been that good. Or maybe it had just been a long time. Either way.  

“I think I’m going to fall in love with him, for real,” you said, all dreamy and moon-eyed, staring at your computer screen and seeing nothing but love hearts. 

“Girly...” Taehyung’s voice had a slight warning note but you let it wash over you. 

“I know, I know, but seriously. I feel happy, Teddy. Legitimately happy. I feel like I can see a future unfolding, a future I might actually want to live in.” 

“With Sungbin?” 

You shrugged. 

“Sure, why not?” 

He didn’t answer, not really. You could feel his reluctance; you could almost hear all the questions he wanted to ask. You let him think them. You weren’t going to let anyone burst this bubble.  

“What are we doing this weekend, chick?”  

You looked up from your desk and took the coffee cup in Taehyung’s outstretched hand. He sat down next to you. 

“What do you mean ‘what are we doing this weekend’?” 

“What do you mean ‘what do you mean “what are we doing this weekend”’?” 

“What do you mean-” 

“No, I’m serious. We always do something, but I haven’t seen you for weeks now.” 

“Teddy, we are together every day. You’re seeing me right now!” 

“That’s not the same and you know it! You’re reserving all your time for Sungbin these days.” 

“That’s not true.” 

Not entirely. He wasn’t being fair. It was true that you had seen Taehyung a little less over the past month or so but it wasn’t like you hadn’t seen him at all. You had someone else in your life now; you would’ve thought Taehyung would have been a little relieved to get some time back, to be honest. 

“Well, what about you?” you asked. “You’re spending all your time with the barista.” 

“Hyunjin. And I’m really not. I still have plenty of time for my other friends. For you.” 

“Are you suggesting that I’m not making time for you?” 

He shrugged.  

“I know you’re really into Sungbin right now and things are going well and that’s great. I’m genuinely fucking stoked for you and I hope that it’s everything you want it to be, but I feel a little tossed aside, yeah. Especially because I’m the one who’ll have to pick up any pieces if it goes south.” 

That hurt. Coming from Taehyung, that really hurt. 

“Why do you think it’ll go south?” 

“I’m not saying that it will but you’re honeymooning hard right now and it kind of feels like you’re putting a lot of eggs into one basket. You’re ditching me to spend all your time with a guy you’ve know-” 

“I’m not ditching you!” 

“I’m just saying you’re letting yourself be taken over by this. You haven’t seen me outside of work for ages. I know you didn’t go to therapy last wee-” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I know when your appointments are and you were posting on Instagram with a cocktail in your hand at the time.” 

“What makes you think I didn’t rearrange the session?” 

“Did you?” 

No, you didn’t. You skipped that one. Just one. That would hardly hurt. And you were feeling so happy right now, the need for therapy had receded a little, dipping past the horizon, not entirely out of sight, but almost out of mind.  

“That is exactly what I’m saying-” 

“No, what exactly are you saying? Is this about wanting to see me more or is it about telling me that me and Sungbin are going to crash and burn?” 

You could feel tears burn in your eyes and you desperately wanted not to cry. You always cried. All the time. It was exhausting and embarrassing and you were at work, right now – you didn’t have time for this.  

Taehyung’s eyes softened and this made your tears well even more.  

“I’m saying that I miss you and I’m worried. You are acting like he’s fixed you, like the only problem in your life was that you were single and now you’re not so everything must be perfect. But that’s not how things work and I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“I’m not stupid,” you spat, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I don’t think he’s fixed me. I think he likes me. And I like him. And we are together-” 

“Are you?” 

“What?” 

“Have you had that conversation? Are you together?” 

“Well-… What about you and Hyunjin? Have you had that conversation?” 

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “We’re keeping it casual for now.” 

You didn’t like the sound of that. You hadn’t talked to Sungbin about it because you didn’t think you had to. You thought you were on the same page. Isn’t that what dating was? You dated and then, if you kept dating, you were in a relationship. It was automatic, by default. Why would you date someone if you didn’t want to keep doing it? If you didn’t imagine a relationship with the person, what was the point?  

You managed to blink your tears away but an uneasiness had settled in your stomach. What if you’d got it all wrong? Did Sungbin want to keep it casual? You didn’t. It was already too late for that. You were a goner. 

Maybe Taehyung was right. 

Was he? 

You sniffed. 

“Well maybe Sungbin and I aren’t.” 

“Does he know that?”  

Fresh tears. Anxiety. Your old friend insecurity crawling up your throat again. You should have known that this was coming, that there was a line you needed to acknowledge and either cross together or not at all. It hadn’t been like this with San because you had known each other so well before you got together, it really had been a foregone conclusion. This time, though... And there was so much Sungbin didn’t know about you, so much you knew you would have to share at some point and didn’t want to. The thought of revealing your ugliest self to him – to him, a flawless specimen of a man, inside and out, his parents’ pride, and the person you thought most about – was nauseating.  

You stood and walked off to the printers, pausing there only long enough for you to realise there was nothing you could pretend to print. Then you carried on to the kitchen, making yourself another coffee, even as the one Taehyung brought you was sitting, steaming, on your desk. 

“I’ve been thinking,” you began, sitting across from Sungbin at an outside table, running your finger up the wet glass of your iced latte. “What are you doing for Halloween?” 

He looked a little taken aback. 

“Halloween? In October?” 

“Yeah!” 

You held your palm tight against your glass, the discomfort of the cold playing distraction. You were trying to be casual about this. It was normal. Of course you’d make plans. Why wouldn’t you? You fought off the voice in the back of your head saying that you wouldn’t if you were just ‘keeping things casual’. That was why you had to ask.  

“I... have no idea yet. It’s only August.” 

“That is true, but I’ve been thinking. Teddy always has this massive party for Halloween and does costumes and everything and I would like, this year, to outdo him.” 

The party thing was true. Taehyung did throw one every year. And he did always have a good costume... You also always had a good costume, because he planned and bought it for you, but Sungbin didn’t need to know that part.  

“Wow, if he’s planning it this early, it must be big.” 

“Oh, no, he’s not yet, but I want to get a head start. Like I said, this year I think we can beat him at his costume game.” 

“We?” 

“Yeah, there are so many good couple costumes out there; it’ll make more of an impact if we do it together, right? Two is more than one etc.” 

“Right, yeah, uh... Sure.” 

“We don’t have to decide right now, but get your thinking cap on. I am going to destroy Teddy this year and you’re going to do it with me!” 

He chuckled a little and you thought this was good. Halloween was, as he suggested, months away, but he hadn’t said no. That counted for something. You ploughed on. 

“Also, what do you think to a double date?” 

“Oh. Um, who with?” 

“Teddy and Hyunjin. They actually got together the night we met! Might be fun. Also, to be honest, I really want Teddy to meet you. It’s been long enough, haha; you need his seal of approval!” 

“A test?” 

“Yep. He’s my bestie so he has to approve.” 

“Right. Yeah... Ok. You and he are really close, then?” 

“Yep. And, besides, it gets to a point where someone’s seen you have enough breakdowns that you have to keep them close: he knows too much!” 

There was a pause and you could see Sungbin considering his words. You fought the urge to move it on, to brush over it, to drop a hundred words a second to blow past it. But you also just had to... check, to let him know, to try to drip-feed him the information you, truthfully, didn’t want him to have but knew that he had to have, if this was ever going to be serious. It made you anxious, slowly revealing your brokenness to him, pushing him closer and closer to the threshold at which he might say ‘stop, that’s enough; I don’t want you anymore’. He hadn’t yet, but you’d barely begun.  

“Breakdowns, huh?” 

“Yep. Although, actually, while it was Teddy who held me together after the break-up, it was my ex who really did the heavy lifting before that.” 

Sungbin nodded thoughtfully and you didn’t know if you imagined his eyes flicking down to your thighs or not. Probably imagined. But it wasn’t like the two didn’t go hand in hand. 

“Sounds rough.” 

“It was. Both times, haha.” 

He nodded again. 

That was enough, you thought. That had to be enough disclosure for now. You could feel it pressing on you, like the oppressive summer humidity; you felt stifled by your exposure, almost a little giddy with the force of your discomfort. If this is what it was like, revealing your darkness to someone, you crossed all your fingers, hoped, and prayed that this thing with Sungbin would last so that you would never have to do it again.  

* 

You went home with him that night and there was a background buzz of something in your head, this kind of vertigo-swirling of standing too close to the edge of a cliff, an unsteadiness of foot that Sungbin was able to kiss away but which came back two-fold when you were lying naked in his bed. You tried to look at yourself, discreetly, objectively; what did you look like to him? Was he looking at you differently now, tonight, armed with new knowledge? What did he really know? What had he taken from the things you had said? You didn’t want to ask him, didn’t want to talk about it more, didn’t want to have to explain and elucidate and make explicit things that you hoped he would infer.  

He didn’t seem different, then, didn’t turn off the light or kiss you goodnight any differently from the way he had before. Maybe it was fine. Maybe your brokenness wasn’t fatal. Or so you could dream. 

“Last day, baby!” you cried when Yoongi put his bag on the counter at your very last baking session. 

“So it is,” he replied, cool as ever. 

You shoved him. 

“Be excited! We made it! We’re bakers!” 

He rolled his eyes and grinned. 

“A rather generous term for yourself, isn’t it?” 

You shoved him again. 

“How dare you? Do I need to remind you of last week’s triumph? Or should I say my triumph and your tragedy?” 

You weren’t being entirely fair. Yoongi’s buns had failed because he had taken on the risk of your illicit ingredient, allowing you to follow the recipe correctly. It was gallant, really. He even said that his buns were alright, not that bad, kind of ok which you knew without having to try them was untrue.  

“Should I remind you who is responsible for my tragedy?” 

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

You grinned at each other and started unpacking your bags. It felt easy between the two of you now. Long gone was your anxiety that used to accompany Thursday evenings, that gnawing embarrassment and glowing shame that you used to feel in Yoongi’s proximity, sure that you were the worst person in the world and that he wanted to get away from you, desperate as you were for his friendship and approbation. You didn’t have to be desperate anymore, because you had it. You were friends. In the spirit of said friendship, you had agreed to celebrate your last baking class tomorrow, so you could get as drunk as you liked without having to suffer the consequences in the office. 

* 

“Generous term,” you scoffed, looking at your layered cake at the end of the session, assembled and decorated and still standing. “How very dare you. Look at what I’ve made! I’m a genius!” 

Yoongi laughed quietly and swiped a finger through the buttercream frosting on top before you could swat his hand away. He put it to his mouth. 

“Yeah, it’s not bad.” 

“Not bad!” 

You swiped a finger through the frosting on top of his cake. 

“Yours tastes like shit.” 

“Well, now you’re just being mean and I won’t let you have a slice.” 

“Fine.” You turned your back on him to put some things in your bag and then turned back. “I didn’t want to eat your shit cake, anyway!” 

“You had better be careful or I’ll bring this as dessert for tomorrow.” 

You gasped. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

Yoongi turned to face you head-on, a smirk on his lips, mischief in his eyes. 

“Wouldn’t I?” 

You mirrored his expression and crossed your arms. 

“I won’t let you in my apartment.” 

“Not even for the booze?” 

You faltered. You didn’t buy the expensive shit that he did. You still fully believed that expensive alcohol didn’t give you such bad hangovers. You didn’t want to lose this spat, didn’t want to come out of the bit, but also didn’t want to say no to booze. 

“You can leave the booze on my doorstep and go.” 

Yoongi broke first and laughed loud, tipping his head back. 

“You’re spoilt,” he said. 

You sniffed haughtily. 

“I deserve nice things.” 

Then he gave you that smile that he did sometimes, warm and soft, that made you feel like a broken open caramel truffle, oozing and sweet and sticky, like the two of you were stuck together, sugary fingerprints on your skin and a brown sugar taste on your lips. It was like a secret smile, for special occasions; you wondered who else got to see it.  

“Yeah, you do,” he agreed. “Which is why I’m bringing this cake to dinner tomorrow!” 

You groaned and pretended to fall, dead, to the floor. Yoongi laughed again.  

“I mean it.” He packed the last of his things in his bag. “I’m going to bring this and you’re going to eat it and like it.” 

“Over my dead body.” 

“If I recall correctly, I do, in fact, owe you a murder, so that can certainly be arranged.” 

You both laughed this time and you could think of much worse ways to go, much worse last things to see before you died. Yoongi picked up his stuff and his cake and turned to leave. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“With bells on!” you called after him. 

You had taken the Friday afternoon off, just to make sure you had enough time to shop and prepare and, gulp, cook dinner for Yoongi who you were expecting that evening. It was a celebration of your finishing the class but it was also a sign of intention, a new set-up for this kindling friendship that didn’t have anywhere else to meet. You’d take turns: one of you would cook and one would bring dessert and you’d alternate fortnightly. You weren’t sure whether you’d got the short straw to be tasked with dinner first or if you’d rather it were this way. You got the feeling Yoongi was a good cook and you didn’t want to have to follow that, but it felt like a lot of pressure being the first to host. You felt a little embarrassed of your shoebox apartment and cheap things and you knew Yoongi would never care—you knew he would understand completely—but it made you feel a little small, that this was all you had to offer.  

Never mind, you said to yourself. He didn’t care and neither would you. It wasn't about the venue; it wasn’t even really about the food. It was about the company. It was about making a space and a time for you and Yoongi to hang out. It was about making a commitment to taking your friendship outside of its bounds and cultivating it. That was what mattered and that was all you needed to focus on.  

You were scrolling on your phone, looking for recipes when a message from Sungbin came in. 

Sungbin: hey I’m wfh today. I'm about to have lunch can you come over? 

Obviously, the answer was yes. You did your best to make yourself look presentable in a rush and hot-footed it across the river to him.  

* 

“I ordered food, hope that’s ok,” Sungbin said as he gestured to the dining table where two bags of lunch had been placed. 

“Sure! I’ll eat whatever.” 

It felt a little strained, like the world had twisted itself into an uncomfortable position, but you put it down to the fact that you had never been to his apartment during the day before. He was also working; maybe he hadn’t shrugged off his focus yet. His job was still new and still stressful and this lunch was interrupting it. He was quiet as he sat down and you felt stifled. He ate a forkful and another. Then he put his fork down. 

“Thanks for coming all this way. I really wanted to speak to you but work is really hectic so I can’t get away.” 

“Yeah, no worries! I have this afternoon off anyway, so it’s no big deal.” 

“Oh right. Good. Um.” 

You thought to yourself that you were getting good at this: letting silence reign. Maybe it was all the time you’d spent with Yoongi; maybe it was all the time you’d spent in therapy. Maybe it was a sign that you weren’t letting your anxiety run your mouth anymore – even if you really, really wanted it to. 

“I thought we should talk,” is how he began. 

“About what?” Your guts twisted as you asked. 

“I know you were talking the other day about all sorts of plans and things and I just wanted to be clear about... where we are. What we are.” 

“Oh, right.” Your voice was airy and thin, even your lungs being squeezed by this cold-creeping fear working through your body. 

“I really enjoy spending time with you and I’d like to continue that but, ah, I’m not looking for anything serious. I don’t want... a relationship, y’know? I just moved here and I’m still finding my feet and getting to know everyone and everything and I don’t want to, uh, settle into anything? And I get the feeling that... you do. I didn’t want, um, wires to be crossed or uh, I didn’t want things to get complicated or- I just thought we should talk before it went on any longer. I wanted to just make myself clear. I would like to keep seeing you but I think you want... more than I do. If I’m wrong, just tell me, sorry if I’ve assumed but I, uh, just, get the feeling...” 

“Right.”  

Your eyes were already blurry with tears. Here it was. The other shoe dropping. Taehyung was right. Sungbin didn’t want you. Not really. He knew who you were and he didn’t want you. You tried to tiptoe into it; you tried to slowly heat the water in the pan but you’d overcooked it. The frog was jumping out. You wanted more. Too much. More than he wanted. He didn’t want you. He didn’t want you that much. He didn’t want your broken parts. He didn’t want your ugliness. He saw your scars and he heard of your breakdowns and he knew that was ‘more’, too much. He didn’t want to carry you. He would have to carry you if you went on for too much longer. You had to be carried because that’s who you were: you weren’t enough, not even enough to lift yourself up. All your good parts, the shiny parts, the parts you thought you had in you somewhere... It wasn’t enough.  

“It’s not-” Sungbin was trying to start again, to explain, to let you down even more gently. “I like you; I think you’re a cool person and we have fun. I just can’t commit to more than that. I don’t want to lead you on or pretend this is going somewhere it’s not. Y’know, I really appreciate you making all these plans and things but that’s just- it's really, well, it’s a bit too much for me right now. Do you know what I mean?” 

You nodded and hummed and bit your lip to stop it wobbling. Your face was burning with embarrassment: that you were being dumped, that you were crying about it when this hadn’t even been real to start with. It had never been what you thought it was. It was just fun. You had pictured parties and holidays and walking off into the sunset but that was just you. It had never been that for Sungbin.  

He didn’t want you. Like a woodpecker pecking at your skull, it hit you again and again: he didn’t want you. He didn’t want you. You tried to show yourself to him and then he didn’t want you. You took him to your water’s edge and he decided not to swim. You should have seen this coming. You should have heeded Taehyung’s warnings. You should have had this conversation before now.  

You could feel yourself spiralling, crumbling, sitting at his table with an uneaten salad bowl in front of you. You couldn’t speak because you didn’t know what to say. ‘Please just love me’? ‘Can’t you change your mind’? ‘What if I were different’? ‘I can change’? Would anything make a difference? You couldn’t be different. Not really. It hit you at that moment: you would always be you. All of these things that you had been doing to try to change, to be better, to grow, to stop being such a mess all of the time. They wouldn’t work. Couldn’t work. Couldn’t change who you were. What you were. You’d always just be... this. 

“Yeah, I understand,” you whispered, your voice trapped in your strangled throat. “I have to go.” 

You stood and whirled around, heading immediately for the door, shoving your feet in your shoes any which way, as long as they stayed on long enough for you to escape. 

“No, wait, hold on!” Sungbin called, following after you. “Don’t just go, please. I want to talk- I don’-” 

But you were opening the door and running down the corridor and he was calling, but not running, after you.  

You wanted to break down, just fall to the floor in a heap and stay there until the ground ate you up but you had to get out of his building. The lift was stifling, a too small metal box with mirrored walls that showed you your red eyes and running nose and face contorted with the effort of trying not to cry, with the fact that you were crying anyway.  

You had never felt so stupid. Humiliated. You wanted to scrape your skin from your body with the shame of it. Of course he didn’t want a relationship with you. A man who already loved you and loved you for years didn’t want a relationship with you anymore; why would Sungbin, with the world at his feet, settle for you?  

* 

You were crying on the subway again. You had sworn you wouldn’t do that. Not after the break-up. Not once you’d finally stopped crying over San. You weren’t going to be that person, that’s what you’d said. No one took any notice; no one said anything; everyone averted their eyes, but you could still feel their attention, were still so aware of the way they were not noticing you. You were a weirdo, a pathetic woman crying on the subway in the middle of a Friday afternoon.  

When you got off the train, you considered throwing yourself on the tracks. You would never have done it. Too many people around. A traumatised driver. Delayed and cancelled trains. Compounding your worthlessness by ruining other people’s days? You hadn’t sunk that low, not yet.  

You traipsed home, your feet feeling lead-heavy, your legs feeling weak and, as soon as the door to your apartment closed behind you, you dropped to the floor. You gasped in huge, choking sobs; you couldn’t see for your tears and could barely breathe. Your chest felt as though it were caving in on you, squeezing the life out of you. You dragged your nails across your skin to try to feel something else, something different, some other kind of pain and then a thought came to you, sharper than it had been for months, clear before where it had been vague. A directive, not just a thought anymore. 

There was a reason you didn’t keep razors in the house but your nails certainly weren’t cutting it. Then you remembered the knives Yoongi had bought you, how he had impressed upon you that they were sharp, that they were good quality and barely used so they should still, now, be sharp. You dragged your body to the kitchen counter and ripped open a drawer. You picked one at random – it didn’t matter which – and sat back down. You shuffled to pull off your cycle shorts and there they were, your mosaic thighs, criss-crosses of light, thin lines and thicker scar tissue. You had always taken a weird pride in the neatness of it. You had always cut carefully and deliberately, as though you were creating something other than scars, other than a mess, other than something you had to hide from everyone. You went over them again, re-cutting all the old lines, each sharp slice of pain a relief, grounding, pulling you back from somewhere.  

The relief made you feel hysterical, silly even, the strange, old euphoria of hurting yourself, of being in control of that hurt rushing through you and making you dizzy. It was like coming home. Your breathing came more smoothly and your heart slowed and your tears began to dry and you couldn’t stop, not yet. You had to see how far you could go. A little more. You needed just a little more. You had plenty of real estate; you could make more. You could expand the design, your bloody, little, monochromatic Mondrian.  

You felt empty when you stopped. Drained. Exhausted. Sick to your stomach. You let yourself fall sideways, lying on your dirty kitchen floor. You had nothing left in you. You lay there, unmoving, letting your brain tell you whatever it wanted. You didn’t care anymore. About anything. You had nothing. You had nothing to give and no one to give it to anyway. If you blipped out of existence, well, that would be the best-case scenario. Like Buffy’s key in reverse. Blink, and you had never existed at all. That would have been nice.  

It would still be nice. If you could just disappear off the face of the earth. You couldn’t bear to look towards the future – a future you didn’t want, that you knew wouldn’t be better than this. The thought of it made your soul shrivel, made you dig your nails into your reddened thighs, made you cringe and wince. When would it be over? Why couldn’t it be now?  

* 

You distantly heard your intercom ring but it felt as if it were coming from another world. You were gone. You were out of this world. No one missed you. Your apartment was a glitch, a tiny black hole where no one could go and no one wanted to go. It rang for what could have been a short time or a long time—you'd lost all sense of it. Then you heard knocking at your door.  

Then more knocking. 

Then something akin to thumping. 

“Hey,” Yoongi’s voice rang cleanly through the wood and metal. “Are you in?” 

Your phone started buzzing noisily on your side of the door, rattling against the floor bar in the entryway. Then there was silence for a while. You assumed he had gone away. 

Your door beeped and swung open and there were footsteps, the quiet flomp of shoes hitting the floor, the rustle of a carrier bag. You remembered you had given him your codes in the interest of fairness -- you did have his, after all. You felt so detached from everything that you didn’t know how you felt about that. Yoongi quietly called out for you. You didn’t respond. Didn’t even feel like you could.  

Your apartment was small enough that he could survey the entire space in a few small steps, so he would barely have to enter before he would see you. You knew the moment he did; you felt the way the air was sucked out of the room for a second. You felt him freeze, could hear the seconds tick by on the clock on the wall. Then he came into your line of sight, kneeling in front of you, saying your name. 

“Fuck, don’t be dead,” he whispered.  

He held his hand underneath your nose and felt you breathing. You felt the weight of the sigh that left him.  

“Shit, fuck.” 

He bent over, turning his head to try to catch your eyes; you could see him but you weren’t looking at him. You weren’t looking at anything. He was a blurry approximation of a man in front of you. He called your name for a third time.  

“You, uh, are you alright? ... fuck, fucking stupid. No, obviously not. Fuck. Ok. Uh. I-. Can I... What can I do?” 

You couldn’t give him an answer. It was as if all speech and movement had been taken from you. You really had nothing left. You couldn’t give him anything. You felt like a husk and that was all you wanted to be. 

“Shit, what should I do? I.. I do-. Well. Ok. Can you sit up?”  

You couldn’t even shake your head. You were aware of him continuing to mutter to himself. He stood up and disappeared for a minute or two; you heard the open and shut of cupboards, the rifling through of your jars and bottles and boxes. He returned with a light load. 

“I have to-” he started. “I’m going to. You.. I have to- I'm going to touch you, ok? I have to lift you up?” 

He hesitated as he came closer but was firm when he gripped your arms and lifted your body off the floor, pulled you sitting upright. You tipped your head back against the cupboard and a deep sigh pushed air from your lungs.  

“I still have to- this might hurt. You don’t have much stuff. I, uh, yeah, ok. I have to clean this.” 

You closed your eyes when he pressed a soaked cotton pad to your thigh. The burning sting of antiseptic made you feel a little bit alive but it was so short-lived.  

He was muttering again. 

“Fucking hell. I can’t. You don’t have anything useful. How am I-. What... This is... Fuck, this is going to need stitches. Is it?” 

You’d almost never heard him talk so much, not like this, not to himself, not with all these half-finished, curtailed sentences, this stopping and starting. Yoongi was straight-forward, even when he was feeling chatty. This Yoongi was going around in circles.  

When your eyes finally focused on him, he looked pale, paler than usual. A little grey possibly. His mouth was pulled in a taut, grim line when he wasn’t mumbling himself through the task.  

“Still fucking bleeding? Shit, did I make it bleed again? I can’t- I...” 

He sat back a little and looked at you; his eyes were sharp and focused and you couldn’t look at them. Yoongi took your chin in his hand, less gently than you might have expected, and he held you there until you looked at him.  

“How can you not have a fucking first-aid kit? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” The anger in his voice registered only dimly. “There’s a pharmacy on the corner and I’m going to go there.” He paused and his eyes were steely and his jaw tight as he worked his brain around how to say what he needed to. “I’m going to go and I’m going to come back and if I get back here and you’re dead, I am going to kill you, ok? I know I promised to kill you but I was fucking joking and you’re not allowed to be dead. Is that clear?” 

His face softened as he waited for an answer. You managed to nod your head. He held you a few more seconds before he stood and walked out.  

* 

It could have been only seconds or it could have been hours until he returned—you neither knew nor cared—but he did return and he dropped a plastic bag on the floor beside you. He tipped it upside down and dumped its contents. He wasn’t looking at you now, not at your face, just at your legs, as he cleaned and tended and muttered to himself some more. He unwrapped bandages and folded over gauze and you let him lift your legs and place them back down. You let him do whatever he needed to, wanted to. It didn’t matter.  

When he was finished, he sat back and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and you saw his eyes alight on something to your left. You couldn’t read the expression that came over his face. Something like horror, something like disgust, something like despair. He leaned forward onto his hands and grabbed the offending object; he threw it into the sink with a metallic clatter.  

He sat opposite you for some time. You didn’t say anything. Neither did he. You felt hollow. You could hear it, the wind howling through your empty spaces. You felt like you were all empty space. Just an echo of nothingness trapped in skin. Every part of you hurt, as if the pain were radiating out from your heart, filling the void inside you with a sharp, persistent ache. You couldn’t talk. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it, to have to hear yourself, hear your existence continuing in the world. It hurt. As long as you were silent, you could fade away, you told yourself. Just disappear. Yoongi would go and you would be alone and you could just disappear. 

“Do you want to eat?” he asked. “You should eat.”  

The thought evidently set him on a path because he stood and opened your fridge, opened your cupboards, looking for food. He stepped over you and then stopped, foot in mid-air. He turned back to you. 

“If I’m going to cook, you’re in the way. Can you move?” 

You blinked. You sighed. You looked down. Then you felt his arms wrap around you as he pulled you to your feet. It was an awkward drag and shuffle to the sofa, your feet tripping over themselves, Yoongi lifting but not really carrying you.  

“Fuck, sorry,” he said on a heavy exhale as you dropped like a stone onto the sofa. “I’m going to cook now.” 

* 

He held a bowl out in front of you and, when you didn’t take it, he picked up your hands and placed them against the ceramic, lowering it all into your lap. Then he sat next to you. 

“Eat.” 

You looked at the food, steaming hot; it smelt nice. You wondered what on earth it was and how he could have found the right ingredients in your house. You were still not exactly domesticated, despite your efforts. Yoongi kicked your foot. 

“I mean it. Eat.” 

You sighed and continued staring into the bowl. Eating would mean conceding to living, to staying alive. You felt defeated but you also wanted to avoid this defeat. Everything about you felt wrong. Hideous. Like things were crawling beneath your skin. You didn’t want to continue that existence. You didn’t want to feed it. 

Yoongi took the bowl from your hands and placed it on your coffee table. 

“Fine,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Absolutely not. You shook your head.  

“What do you want to do? I don’t know what to do. What can I do?” 

You, again, fell sideways, lying on the sofa with your legs still dangling down. It wasn’t entirely comfortable but that hardly mattered. You couldn’t answer; you didn’t know.  

Then Yoongi did something that you wouldn’t in a thousand years have expected him to. Just as you had, in his apartment, weeks ago, he crawled behind you and wrapped his arms around you. You stiffened, convinced for a second you might split and shatter. He was warm and soft and you could smell his hair and his breath tickled your neck and it hurt so much. It all hurt so much.  

You breathed in deep and when you exhaled, you choked, crying again. You didn’t know you had more in you. You had thought you were dry, but just as there was no end to your sadness, there apparently was no end to your tears.  

You lay there, letting him hold you as you cried, letting the sun lower in the sky, letting the stars come out.  

“I’m fucking sick of it,” you gasped. “Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it.” 

“Sick of what?” 

“Everything. I hate it. I hate everything. I hate it. I hate being alive. I hate being me. I can’t stand it. I don’t know how people do it. I just want it to stop. I just want it to stop.” 

“Life?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I get it. I don’t want you to stop being you, though. For what it’s worth.”  

You couldn’t hear that kind of thing. Not now. You couldn’t take it. 

“You just don’t know me,” you whispered, your voice hoarse from crying and thick from new tears.  

“Tell me, then.” 

“I fucking suck.” 

“How?” 

“Literally everything I am. Fundamentally flawed. I’m broken and stupid and I can’t be normal and no one can ever love me because I’m this. I’m just this all the time and I can’t get better and I thought that I could but it’s just me and my fucking broken head and I ruin everything. I ruin everything for everyone and always will and no one can stand me. No one can and I don’t fucking blame them. I can’t stand me either. It makes me sick to be such a useless heap of junk. I’m a worthless waste of space because what is the point of me? What do I do? I need people, I cling to people, I make myself their problem until they can’t take it anymore. I’m depressed and stupid and I will never achieve anything and never do anything and I might as well just die right now because who cares? Literally who cares. I tried and I fucking tried but I’m still me and I can’t run from it or change it and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be here. I don’t know what to do anymore. There is nothing for me. The future is black and it’s bleak because I’ll be there. I’m always there. I can’t get away from myself. I can’t bear it. I have to live like this? For years? More and more years? Twenty? Or thirty? Forty years of this? It makes me sick to think about. I can’t think about it. I can’t think about having to be alive like this for another day let alone any longer. I hate it. I hate being me and I hate being alive and I just wish I wasn’t. I wish I could just disappear. I’m a broken, useless, fucked in the head piece of shit and no one will ever love me because they can’t. I’m unlovable. I’m this and it makes me unlovable but I can’t change it so I will always be unlovable and I can’t do it. I can’t live like that. I can’t do it anymore.” 

You took a deep, shuddering breath and Yoongi said nothing. He was quiet for long enough for your shame to creep back in, curling its fingers around the door frame and pulling itself in, unbidden and unwanted. You were embarrassed now, again. You felt stupid. Again. You felt pointless and petty and pathetic and you were about to shrug Yoongi off, to tell him to leave, to crawl into your bed and hide under the sheets when his arms tightened around you. You heard as well as felt him take a deep breath. 

“Yeah, I understand.”  

There was a pregnant pause and Yoongi cleared his throat. 

“But I don’t think any of those things about you. For what it’s worth.” 

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six

[completeoveranalysis]

[9]

OH

Well. That certainly explains a lot. 

Watanuki not born to be like Lava Lamp but just Literally being him, but as a living temporary space/time distortion that only exists temporarily. 

Which I think is what finally explains why he was in danger of fading out of existence in xxxHolic, and had a few moments where he dropped out of reality completely. That was probably his natural fate all along, to just vanish from existence when his role was up. 

Which Yuuko did not stand for and repeatedly brings him back to her little inbetween dimension to keep him safe. And is potentially why she makes excuses to keep him around in the first place, to stablise his existence and using her little pocket existence as a safe space to keep him going. The store is hinted to become His, after all. Maybe if he lived there permanently he could just exist regularly. 

It does make me wonder if THIS is also what Yuuko’s probably disappearance will be about as well. If she will trade herself to keep Watanuki alive. As one In-between Being to another.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself and WHAT WAS THAT EVIL WOLVERINE SAID ABOUT SUFFERING?

Is the suffering this wish gave their parents an emotional thing, or is it a literal distortion in space time that will rip them apart? Is this also what lead to their deaths, or did they (mirroring Sakura’s parents) also trade their lives to keep Lava Lamp/Watanuki existing? 

So many questions but HOT DAMN WE ARE FINALLY GETTING SOME ANSWERS AND I LOVE IT

Also I'm just noticing Yuuko's little step in that last frame as she steps in to interrupt

YUUKO ICHIHARA MVP OF THE UNIVERSE. 

I LOVE how this plays out like two competing gods fighting over fate. Or maybe more relevantly, the fairies fighting at the start of Sleeping Beauty - one laying a curse of suffering and death, and the other stepping in to minimise harm as much as possible and give people a hope to survive. 

Oh it’s all so beautiful. Evil Wolverine as the selfish, murdering Wish deliverer, who tricked his way into getting what he wants and piled suffering and misfortune around everyone he forces himself to meet. And Yuuko as the person who is technically completely neutral and only balances things out, but Still Steps In to ensure things ARE balanced. She cannot be the benevolent force she seems to want to be at times, but she can enforce balance, and that lets her limit Evil Wolverine when he exceeds the natural order. Wish prices are always precise - if Evil Wolverine disproportionately stretches it beyond what the price really was, Yuuko can find the spaces where he’s wrong and pull him back.

Evil Wolverine trying to connect things up into tragic endings that suit his goals, but Yuuko stepping in and saying no, actually, that's not the bargain. 

And this one lonely little boy being in the centre of it all. He was never meant to exist, but here he is, a temporary mistake only meant to fill a hole, and the forces of the universe fight each other around him to either doom him entirely or to somehow keep him alive.

[one-idea]

Okay as someone who’s been through an anime or two. How have you all not gone feral over sun god Nika Luffy and King of hell Zoro.

Specifically how have I not seen a Madoka magica au of this. Not the whole world but specifically the ending of the series and movie.

So if you’re not in the loop let me give a brief overview. Madoka sacrifices her life so that the other characters can be free and happy. In doing so she becomes a god but removes herself from the world. The only person who remembers her is her best friend. Her best friend who sacrificed everything for modoka to live only to lose her. Her best friend who literally becomes the devil to modoka’s god just to drag her back and keep her in the world of the living with her.

Now how have you not made this into Luffy and Zoro. Whether and best friends or a ship you cannot sit here and tell me that Luffy wouldn’t sacrifice his life to safe the crew. Say he had to permanently become Nika for the freedom of his crew. You cannot tell me that loyal Zoro would not do everything in his power to get his captain back. Even if it meant sacrificing his own soul he would do it to bring Luffy back to them.

Like is this to close to cannon and that’s why we’re not losing our minds.

Like I’m just not convinced this wouldn’t happen. If Luffy lost himself to gear five Zoro (and the crew) would bring him back.

Like the set up is right there!

[world0fmadness]

CHERRIES WITH WHIPPED CREAM

bård “ faust ” eithun x reader | duke satanaël x reader | pelle “ dead ” ohlin x reader

♡ general headcanons for faust, duke and pelle dating someone with big boobs!

୨୧ this is very self indulgent, love my boobs! but i also hate them! sometimes they look so good and sometimes they don’t… i’m about to go to sleep so sorry for any major spelling errors <3

♡ related hc available here and here | view my metal masterlist here

reading music recommendations: necromancer by mortuary drape - xxo by mia - sodomy and lust by sodom

BÅRD “ FAUST ” EITHUN

♡ when you guys first met, you asked him to sign your boobs and this boy nearly dropped dead on the spot…

୨୧ he’d never been asked to do anything even close to that, emperor wasn’t even that huge yet! his eyes literally just widened and his mouth dropped open before ihsahn came up behind him and smacked him on the back, laughing and telling him to do it

“ go on, faust! do as the pretty lady says, y’got a marker on you? ” ( you nod as faust is still awestruck, he thinks you’re insanely pretty and you have a great rack and you like his band? oh boy )

♡ he does, taking the marker with shaky hands and writing his signature on the flesh of your upper boob peaking out of your low cut top as you laugh at how nervous he is, thanking him with a kiss on the cheek when he hands the marker back to you

୨୧ yeah i mean, he was just kind of obsessed with you after that…

♡ he quietly asks if he could take your number and maybe go on a date together, all whilst keeping his eyes on the ground, knowing if he was to look up his eyes would be drawn to your boobs and he didn’t wanna be seen as desperate or nasty

୨୧ you agreed and voila, faust now has a girlfriend! a girlfriend with big boobs no less, safe to say some of his friends are very jealous

♡ when you guys have been dating for a while, he starts wondering if you’d had anyone else sign your boobs before him, he really hopes not :( when he asks you, he tries to hide how relived he is when you say he’s the only guy you’ve ever asked to do it! you just always thought he was a cutie pie, cuter than most other men in the black metal scene to you

୨୧ faust absolutely loves the smell of the coco butter you use on your boobs, literally every time you walk past him and he gets a whiff of it he’s damn near drooling

♡ y’know how i mentioned he takes you on shopping sprees as a date whenever he’s not broke? yeah it’s mainly to lingerie / clothing stores…

୨୧ it’s pretty hard to find bras in my size NOW so i can’t even begin to imagine how hard it would’ve been in the early 90’s, oh my god!

♡ when you guys first started dating, he’d surprised you with a super cute lingerie set that he’d seen and made the incredibly embarrassing purchase on his own with one of his shitty pay checks from helvete

୨୧ but this sweet baby didn’t really understand the cup sizes and got a much too small cup-size that constricted your chest like a damn cobra

♡ either way you thanked him with lots of kisses ( and other things ) but made sure to tell him your cup size and sadly explain to him that most stores don’t actually sell your cup-size…

୨୧ this boy is PISSED! he’s so tempted to get his friends together and set all of the stores that don’t sell your cup size ablaze! why can’t his girl have super pretty lingerie sets? why have you only ever found like, two in your cup size? he thinks you deserve the best and hates that often times, you can’t have the best

♡ faust is forever glad he signed your boobs that night, he can’t imagine what his life would be like if he got crazy nervous and said no…

DUKE SATANAËL

♡ duke absolutely loves when you wear shirts that really show off your chest! he loves seeing your boobs on display

୨୧ he’s a simple man, he’s obsessed with watching the slight bounce as you walk, admiring how your boobs press out of the fabric

♡ sometimes you have to snap your fingers in front of his face to make him watch where the hell he’s walking, the amount of times he’s walked right into a lamppost because he was distracted by your boobs is unfathomable

୨୧ what he doesn’t like so much is when he sees other people gawking, nu-uh! they’re his boobs to admire, no one else’s… so he’ll often wrap an arm around you and stare the person out until they get freaked out and leave <3

♡ duke is an absolute GOD at giving back massages! if you even slightly mention your back is aching, he’ll be making you to lay down before going to grab some moisturiser from the bedroom

୨୧ even when you’re in public, if he sees you standing weird with your hands on your back and a scowl on your face, he’ll gesture for you to sit on his lap and subtly give you a massage through your clothes

♡ he absolutely loves motor-boating you too, i’m so sorry…

୨୧ there are so many pictures of you two where his corpsepaint is just a state and a suspicious grey-ish mess of paint is covering your upper chest! it doesn’t take a genius to piece together what happened

♡ one time when you guys were making out and it was clearly leading into something more, he used a knife to cut your bra off and you nearly killed him

୨୧ you were so dumbfounded and pissed off, asking him what the fuck he just did that for…

♡ poor man was SO confused! why didn’t you like that? it was hot, no?

୨୧ well, it was hot, but also no it wasn’t because what the fuck, duke? that’s literally your nicest bra, the cutest one you’ve ever found that actually had your cup-size…

♡ you give him the petty silent treatment as he apologises <3 only looking up at him and responding when he says he’ll make sure to buy you the prettiest replacement

“ baby, please… i’ve said sorry already! i’ll buy you the prettiest bra you find, just tell me when and i’ll buy it for you ” ( he has the smallest pout on his face whilst he begs for forgiveness, causing you to giggle at the sight of this man in corpse paint pouting just because his girlfriend won’t speak to him )

୨୧ when you finally do find a pretty replacement, his eyes nearly bulge out of his head when you show him the price tag!

♡ but he does buy it for you, all whilst grumbling under his breath about how you shouldn’t even wear a bra and he thinks you look fine without one, safe to say you set him back quite a bit that month…

PELLE “ DEAD ” OHLIN

♡ pelle really likes laying his head on them <3

୨୧ you’ll lay flat on your back in your shared bed, reading a book whilst his head rests on your chest, gliding your fingers through his hair as he watches some snuff film or shockumentary he has on vhs

♡ honestly, the rare times he ever does get some sleep is when his head is resting on your chest! it’s just extremely comfy for him and the soft thumping feeling of your heart beating lulls him to sleep

୨୧ he has absolutely drooled a little on your boobs whilst sleeping before and always gets kind of embarrassed and awkward when he wakes up so most of the time you try to wipe it before he wakes up, just to spare him the embarrassment <3

♡ pelle really likes to draw you nude, usually not even in a sexual manner!

୨୧ he just thinks your boobs are extremely picture esque and likes to illustrate how beautiful he thinks they are

♡ another thing he does that isn’t always in a sexual manner is sucking hickeys onto your boobs

୨୧ most of the time it’s sexual but sometimes he just does it casually whilst laying on your chest, he’ll move his head away from watching the tv and just kind of start sucking bruises into the visible flesh of your boobs

♡ sometimes it scares the shit out of you because of how suddenly he starts doing it which causes him to mumble “ ‘m sorry ” into your skin

୨୧ you’re never mad though, you just stroke his hair and let him do his thing… he really likes silently admiring the bruises left behind <3

♡ he blushes so so so hard when he sees you wearing the small animal bones he gave you attached to a necklace, the bones resting just on top of your boobs, he gets totally transfixed on the sight and usually only knocks out of it when you laugh and softly ask if he’s okay… he’ll mumble a response and dart his eyes away from your chest, he doesn’t like being caught out…

[or0ch1maru]

Shyly asking: Zetsu nsfw headcanons 🌓

hiiiiiii, this^ this right here is wtf I’m talking aboutttttt, let’s get into it🫵🏻

Warnings: this is literally porn, 18+, double penetration, degrading, praising, quickies, zetsu with two dicks, orgasm denial, toys, hair pulling, the occasional slap, possessive kink, period sex, brat taming

Sorry if this is all over the place, my thoughts were bouncing around my head and felt like I couldn’t get them out fast enough lmfao

•

-two cocks: starting off strong I know but come on

-one sits on top of the other(like how I believe Kisa’s set up) so when he’s feeling particularly mean, just know both holes are being tormented(who are we kidding, both holes are getting fucked every time)

-now, I mentioned in my last hc post, that he’ll split up into two separate beings and go about his business. Yea, some of his business is you

-white Zetsu(sweet baby)will distract you with literally anything, giving black Zetsu a chance to trap you

-black Zetsu is the meanie, degrading you, his words so filthy that you can’t help but become soaked. White Zetsu praises you. Calling you his princess as he holds you against his chest. Back pressed against him as he watches black Zetsu shove his fingers down your shorts

-“ohh, bein’ so good for us princess, just look at you.” He’ll coo into your ear, moving one hand up to your mouth, either covering it completely or shoving a finger or two in your mouth

-“quit with that shit, she’s nothing but a lil’ whore. I mean, look.” Black Zetsu retorts back, pulling his hand from your pants, holding up his fingers that are covered in your slick. You whining into white Zetsu’s hand from being denied your release

-they loveeeeee having you cum and cream on their cocks which is why, 90% of the time, they pull their fingers/tongue/toys away from you before you have the chance

-one of their favorite things is oral. They have oral fixations. White Zetsu loves and craves, has even cried because of his need to have you sit on his face. His hands gripping your thighs as he holds you against his head, black Zetsu taking this opportunity to shove his cock down your throat

-loves pulling his cock out to smack against your tongue and cheek before roughing cramming it back. Groaning at the sight of your glossed over eyes, tears forming in the corners

-they could go for hoursssssssss. If none of you have missions for a few days, just know you’ll be bent over any surface of your shared room, in the shower, folded like a pretzel. And you’ll lose your ability to walk

-now, double penetration wise, they’ll use their fingers and toys to stretch you out and prepare you before going any further. They may be cruel, but they know their princess’ limits. Wanting you to be fully comfortable and ready before they proceed

-safe word!! Is a must

-sometimes, if they don’t separate, they’ll have you in doggy, taking you from behind. Your cute pussy being stuffed to the max by both cocks

-when they do separate, black Zetsu takes your pussy, only because he knows you can handle his roughness better while sweet white zetsu, fills your ass. He goes at a slower pace, especially when you’re taking him for the first time and even when you’ve adjusted, he’ll speed up but never rough with you

-“you loved being stuffed huh princess?”, “fuckin’ hell, could live like this. You’re so warm.”, “gods you look so pretty baby, bein’ such a good girl.”

-“our girl is such a cock hungry slut huh?”, “you love being fucked by two cocks don’t you lovey?”, “take it baby, fuckin’ take it.”

-they don’t mind period sex at all. Aren’t afraid to eat you out either. They know orgasms help relieve cramps so just know you’ll be well taken care of

-they have a collection of dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs. One of their favorites being the vibrator that they can control

-watching you try to keep your composure while talking to Itachi, noting the slight blush to your cheeks

-when black Zetsu is feeling mean, whether it’s stress, need after being away on a mission, or you acting like a damn brat, he’ll pull you into the room, slip a cute little plug into you before letting you get back to business. He’s a patient man. Could wait alllllll day until your holes were prepped

-they both love leaving hickeys. Purple and red marks littering your thighs, chest, collar bones and neck. Not caring who sees them, they want people to know your his

-when you’re giving black Zetsu head, he loves having you on your knees in front of him, his hand pulling your hair roughly as he yanks you around, guiding your mouth to where he needs it

-when you act like a brat, he won’t hesitate to make contact to your cheek, nothing that’ll ever leave a mark or hurt you. More like a tap tbh. Just something he knows will make you pay attention

-prefers to just pull his cock out, and have that hit you in the cheek

-if he’s feeling particularly needy, he’ll pull you away from whatever you’re doing, just to shove you up against the wall, face mushed against the stone as he fucks into you

-could be in an empty hallway of the compound, a bathroom, he’ll he’s even done it in the library the akatsuki has built in

-also, I totally believe he’s into sharing you. Not with just anybody. The only other person I think he’d let see you like this is Tobi. Just imagine that omggggggg

(Phew, had to stop myself there because good lord)

I don’t mind doing a full prompt on any of this or doing more nsfw headcanons, just send me whatever 💋

[cressthebest]

Crimsons Rivers thoughts pt. 36

chapter 55:

1. kingsley is mad at lily and i GET IT i understand. but all those people are adults and CHOSE to go on the mission. it is not solely her fault

2. NOOOO!! sybil is so dear to me!! and kingsley broke up with her!!! no!!!!

3. god, i feel so bad for euphemia and fleamont. yeah victors were saved. but their children, their two children, were the only ones not brought back home. i don’t know how i would recover

4. “there was Narcissa, who wasn't just in the hunger games; no, she played the game, and she played it well, so well that Euphemia never doubted she would win.” yo that’s fucking terrifying. i-

5. andy and narcissa reuniting has me crying so hard. their sisterhood is so important to me

6. regulus doesn’t have sirius, so all he wants is james to comfort him. i- i can’t do this

7. “It's like this, that he turns to her, and Euphemia knows immediately, just that simply, that Sirius isn't here.

He isn't, because if he was, that's who Regulus would cling to; that's the only person he ever wanted to cling to.”

okay, um, simply stabbing my heart would have been easier

8. “They all knew only one could make it out, and Sirius wasn't going to be the one who did, except more than one has, and Sirius is the only one who didn't.” 😧😧😧

9. god i love dorcas. she is not lying to anyone they saved by saying there will be comforts, but she is saying they will be safe and everyone there will be kind. i love her so much

10. dorcas caring for marlene first >>>>>>>>>

11. LILY AND REMUS REUNITED!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! THEYRE REUNITED!!!!

12. oh shit. wait. that was too soon. before the lily and remus reunion, he hears her say that the absolute love of his life is probably dead

13. remus’ breakdown has me in shock. like i’m not even in tears anymore, i’m just shocked. i- this hurts too bad to even cry

14. “Lily does not know much, she doesn't know what Sirius was to Remus, but she does know for sure now that he was something.

Maybe, as much as she dreads to think it, he was everything.”

😀😀😀 you can’t write lines like that. that feels illegal, to mess with my emotions like that

15. i want someone to care for me the way dorcas cares for marlene. she starts a war early to save her life. she’s willing to kill anyone to keep her alive. she will do anything.

16. “"Perhaps if you had considered the impact of the lives you planned to shape into martyrs, you would have realized that this could happen, and would be no one's fault but your own. You put those people in the arena this year, Albus, didn't you tell me that? All the ready opposition to Riddle, and you couldn't foresee this? Opposition to you?"”

get his ass alberforth. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

17. “In all his years, Aberforth has never seen a loyalty and love exist as the loyalty and love between those two boys do.”

this is so sweet if it weren’t for the context of the statement

18. 😀😀😀 wow i hate albus

19. “They are at their best together when they are showing their worst to one another and basking in the relief of being next to someone they know won't really care, or have an opinion on it, or judge them.”

regulus and remus’ friendship >>>>>>>

20. as reg is literally beating lily up he’s like “i love her! she’s amazing! she’s my savior!! 😊😊 that’s why i must try to kill her!!!

21. “It was supposed to be me and you, but Sirius is gone. Come back to me, baby, Regulus thinks, but James is gone.” 😀😀 what a fantastic start to my day

22. lily should have had a gun in canon. this au only further proves that to me. the war would be so short is lily evans was given a gun and told to just go off and do what she wanted with it.

23. zar gave marylily hints in the authors notes ??? 👀👀 marylily??? 👀👀 marylily endgame?? 👀👀🌸🍓🎉

24. authors notes: “lily lily lily my beloved <3 she really was about to blow albus' skull open, soooo sexy of her 🥰” AGREED

25. also there’s 420 comments on that chapter and i don’t want to fuck with that number.

[strniohoeee]

Vain

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader *friendship*

Synopsis: Y/N is stuck in a toxic relationship, and when they break up. She runs to Chris for his advice🥹

Warnings⚠️: Talks of a toxic relationship, trauma, mentions of a hand being raised at readers face

Song for the imagine: Conceited- Lola Young (this song is fucking good literally LISTENNN)

Told me that you loved me, you're just talking to yourself

I don't wanna know, I don't wanna hear it

Let yourself out, you're so conceited

365 days….365 days trapped, hurt and angry. I was angry because I was trapped. Trapped in this god awful toxic relationship. With a “man” who did not care. He could care less if I lied there bleeding in front of his eyes. He’d probably laugh in my face and walk over me. This I knew, and I hated myself everyday for staying with him because I loved him.

How could I love someone as crazy and deranged as him? That I’m not sure of, but when you fall for someone you fall for it all. The imperfections and the beauties. But he…he had too many imperfections. Ones that would bleed into our relationship tainting it.

Him and I started off strong. He was amazing to me, he did it all. I truly felt like a princess when I was with him. He got along with my friends, my family, just everyone in my life. I thought I would eventually marry the guy. But here I am hurt and alone.

About 7 months into our relationship something in him flipped, and to this day I can not understand what happened to him. He wouldn’t talk to me, or explain anything it always ended up in him lashing out.

“Baby…I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I’m here for you” I would tell him

“I don’t need you here for me. Go away” he would tell me

“How can we be in a relationship when you won’t even communicate” I told him

“Shut your fucking mouth” he’d warn

“I don’t know why you resent me so much. If you’re not happy we can break up” I would say softly

“Break up? You’re nothing without me. You need me, you can not live without me.” He would say scoffing

That’s how most of our arguments went. He’d call me useless, pathetic, no good, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I’d have no one on my side if I broke up with him, he’d turn everyone against me. Every horrible thing you can think of, he has said to me.

And like an idiot I stayed. I stayed because I was scared. Scared that he’d truly truly hurt me. Sometimes when we argued and he’d get close to me there would be this twinkle in his eye. A twinkle of malice like he’d actually put his hands on me. Fear controls every aspect of life, more than you’d think.

The only person I felt comfortable going to was Chris and his brothers for help. Often they’d tell me to just dump him and come stay with them, and that they’d keep me safe. However I could never bring myself to do it. I was scared.

Chris and I had grown really close a few months back. I would even consider him my best friend. I told him everything, and when things would get bad and I would have a panic attack it was Chris who was there to calm me down. At first * Y/N boyfriends name* didn’t really care that I was friends with Chris up until things started to get really really bad.

He’d check my phone whenever he wanted, read my messages, go through my DM’s, look at my call history. He’d watch my location constantly asking where I’m going. I was his prey. He wouldn’t leave me alone and he knew it scared me, but that was something he loved

When he would go to work I’d call Chris and catch him up on everything, and then had to beg him to not text or call me, or initiate any contact until I did.

For our one year anniversary last week we didn’t do a thing. He even acted like he forgot, and when I mentioned it he flipped out. Telling me that I’m a piece of shit, and that I didn’t deserve a single thing. But I never wanted anything, I just wanted my boyfriend back.

Today he was at work, and I wanted to be nice and make him some dinner, turn on some music, and just try and have a good night with him.

When he got home I could immediately tell he was not happy, and that this night would end in another fight

“The fuck you doing” he said walking into the kitchen

“Uhhh hi to you too, i was making you dinner” I said giving him a smile

“I’m not eating that shit” he said opening the pot and throwing the lid down on the stove, causing me to jump a little bit

I paused for a moment contemplating how I would go about my next comment

“What the fuck have I ever done to you?” I asked him finally looking at him

“You haven’t done shit for me. You’re nothing, you’re a nobody” he said

“What’s your problem with me? You used to be so sweet and loving, and now you’re just angry and mean” I said back

“You ain’t nothing to me” he spit like venom

“So then leave me” I told him getting angry

“Ha! Leave you. You couldn’t survive a single day without me. You need me. I’m all you have” he shot back

“Not true at all” I spat back

“Don’t fucking speak to me like that” he said walking a little closer

“Speak to you how? I’m talking to you like a normal adult. You’re acting like a child” I told him

“I should fucking spit on you” he said with a smug face

“You’re a fucking psycho. You’re crazy” I told him shaking my head

“Walk away then! Go LEAVE!” He yelled the last part

“Make up your mind! Want me to go or want me to stay” I said rolling my eyes at him

“I could give a shit what you do. I know you’ll be crawling back” he said crossing his arms

“You’re so full of yourself. I don’t need you” I spat back at him

“Yeah you fucking do” he said now standing infront of me

“NO I FUCKING DONT” I yelled at him

“DONT RAISE YOUR FUCKING VOICE LITTLE GIRL” he yelled back

“LITLE GIRL?” I questioned yelling back

“YEAH LITTLE FUCKING GIRL. GO BOOHOO CRY TO YOUR FRIENDS…..oh wait you don’t have any” he said laughing

“FUCK YOU” I screamed in his face, and immediately he raised his hand and I flinched and stepped back. Utter shock on my face

“Did you just try and hit me?” i asked started to walk away from him

I ran and grabbed my purse, phone and car keys. Walking to the front door

“You’re not going anywhere” he said following me

“I am! YOU DONT OWN ME! I'M LEAVING AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. YOURE A FUCKING LUNATIC WE ARE DONE” I yelled at him, swinging the door open and running out and to my car

Once in my car. I started to drive to the triplets house. As he kept calling and texting non stop but I kept ignoring him.

I got to the triplets house, and once I rang the doorbell Chris came down and was shocked to see me

“Hey! What are you doing here?? Are you okay?” He asked reading my face in worry

“I broke up with him” I said as he let me into the house

“What happened??” Chris asked as we went down to his room

“He’s a fucking psycho” I said pacing his room back and forth

“Go on” Chris said

“I make dinner for him trying to be nice, and he comes home all nasty and rude and starts fighting with me calling me all types of names and that I’m nothing without him” I told Chris still pacing the room shaking with anxiety

“And then”…my voice “he fucking raised his hand like he was going to hit me” I said finally stopping

“Did he hit you?” Chris asked in disbelief

“No he didn’t. I walked out before he could do anything” I said

“Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry! You don’t deserve this, and he doesn’t deserve you” Chris said

“God! What the fuck is wrong with me. How could I stay with someone like this for so fucking long. A fucking maniac” I said finally breaking down and crying, and Chris comes running over to grab me and bring me back to his bed

“Hey! Don’t beat yourself up for someone like him. Kids got a lot of fucking problems, but this isn’t your fault” Chris said rubbing my back

“I fucking love him. I will always love that kid, and no matter how shittt he treats me. My chest hurts from how much I love him” I said sobbing

“You can love him, that's normal. But you can’t beat yourself up for how you feel!” Chris told me

“I know but I’m just so fucking stupid for staying with him. No matter how many time you told me to leave him, and so I just didn’t” I said still sobbing

“Listen he’s a horrible person, and yes you should’ve left him a long time ago, but it’s your life and you will do what’s best for you” he told me

“I don’t wanna feel this pain anymore. I don’t know who I am. He completely ruined me” I said to Chris

“It’s going to hurt. It’s going to fucking suck, but you need to hurt and cry and feel pain in order for you to heal. So allow yourself those emotions, and you will see with time it will get better. You don’t need him. You never did need him, you’re a strong independent woman, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Got it?” Chris said

“Yes. Thank you Chris I love you so much. You have no idea how grateful I am to have someone like you in my life” I responded wiping my eyes

“Kid I love you so fucking much. You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to see you hurting or crying, especially over some loser like him. You deserve better…way better” Chris said pulling me in for a hug

“Thank you Chris” I said hugging him back

“There’s plenty of other guys who will truly care for you, and treat you like the beautiful queen you are” he said kissing my head

“You’re right” I said pulling away from the hug to wipe my eyes one more time

“Who knows?? Maybe I’m that guy” Chris said wiggling his brows

I started to laugh “yeah maybe. Who knows” I said giving him a smile

“There’s that beautiful smile of yours” he said smiling back

“I love you Chris”

“I love you too Y/N”

The End

Hope yall like this one too. I’m like ehhh about this, but I liked the idea. I’ll be posting the Matt cabin in the woods, and poignant part 2 tonight, but for rn IMA TAKE A NAP CAUSE A BITCH IS TIREDDD

-J💅🏽

[wellthebardsdead]

Falûne: *sitting in the tower doing literally nothing except existing* …

Rolan: *walks in* I finally found that stupid paper gods the man couldn’t even write why in the hell’s did he feel the need to- bluebell?…

Falûne: yes my love?

Rolan: are you?… okay?… you’re just sitting there.

Falûne: I’m… okay… *resumes looking at nothing in particular* …

Rolan: … *walks out and heads to the devils fee*

*a few hours later*

Rolan: so- that’s it then he’s just bored?

Raphael: worse. He’s no direction in life. Nothing to strive for. No interest in hobbies or anything to find passion in beyond you… He’s depressed. And he’s nothing to host his ambitions to.

Rolan: Is there anything I can do to help him?

Raphael: It’s entirely up to him if he even lets you help. Ambition is what cambions are known for. It’s both a blessing and a curse. With it they can achieve great things, or their own downfall. Our ambition is blinding, we can’t see past it until it’s too late… and I am grateful my nephew didn’t give me the crown… logic has now taken over where ambition once stood and I can see clearly once more… now I too need to find a new goal to strive for but… I believe I’ve already got one in mind…

Rolan: and that is?

Raphael: keeping my nephew happy… he’s still incredibly dangerous when upset. And with Astarion looming around the very city you live in-

Rolan: oh gods- he’s been trapped inside this whole time because of him!! I never even noticed! He never leaves the tower how could I have been so blind! Th-thank you!! *runs out*

Raphael: I- Where are you going?!?! I wasn’t done talking you little shi-

*several more hours later*

Falûne: *standing outside the tower, now located in Halsins new settlement in thaniels realm* it’s- so quiet and peaceful… the garden is so big I can… I can plant whatever I want- and keep so many animals! But… but the shop??

Rolan: don’t worry about that, I can access it through a portal with ease… but here we can breathe easily knowing you’re safe. And cal and Lia like it here too. *looks over the yard to see the two looking at cottages to make their own near the tower*

Falûne: *looks to them and smiles before looking at Rolan with concern* are you going to be happy here? You were so eager to reach baldurs gate and-

Rolan: *takes his hands and gives him a kiss, purring into it before pulling away* I only cared about my apprenticeship but you showed me I deserve more… I love it here. It’s comfortable, quiet, and you look so happy here too… we can go somewhere else if you’re not happy here I-

Falûne: *returns the kiss and hugs him tight* I love it… I love you… I love you so much I… can we have our wedding here too?…

Rolan: absolutely my love, and the children will need a teacher at the new schoolhouse too- we can teach together!

Falûne: *tears pricking his eyes feeling his spark return* I… I can help people again!

Raphael: *walks over holding a strange hellish plant in a pretty pot* Ugh of all the goals in life you could strive for you want to help people?? How are we even related?!