#and the number one trending topic on twitter was

[sylvies-kablooie]

okay i'm back but ONLY so i can live blog my rewatch of episode 6 as preparation for tomorrow and also as a reward for getting most of my midterms done. i will NOT click on anything else. let's do this.

[chrollohearttags]

no face, no case • eren jaeger x black !fem reader

who knew that a simple picture posted on your Instagram could cause so much controversy? Oh…if only they knew the origin of it.

themes: just some nasty ass vacation/hotel sex, marriage proposal, marking (from the reader), foot play, drunk eren, back shots, overstim, slapping, choking..yktv

📝: sliding down a wall thinking about Eren and his influencer wife again like ughhh…this is just a little short drabble I’m totally not using an excuse to avoid finishing the full fic..never 🌚

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰──── ───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡

48 minutes ago

10,076 likes

location: Santorini, Greece

not exactly the reaction you were expecting to garner for a simple photo. A mere picture like the countless hundreds of others that could be found on your instagram feed..except it wasn’t!..and granted, it was nothing for you to crack one hundred thousand in a day but this?..was for a whole other reason. Reasons that had sent your entire following and the rest of the of the internet into a frenzy. Your texts practically imploding and notifications gone off the rails.

blogs like TheShadeRoom scrambling and breaking their fingers trying to post about the salacious snapshot posted from (reader’s social media name). What photo? Just a selfie taken from a ceiling mirror of the Katikies hotel room..

swaddled by crinkled white sheets and a man with long hair, tan skin, a tattoo on his right shoulder blade with various scratches on his back as he lie on top of you. Your right hand splayed across his skin and your ring finger glistening with a giant rock.

right now, you were the number one trending topic on Twitter..timeline ablaze with speculation of who was asleep in your bed. But in a not so distant past, he was wide awake, contributing to the mess you both lie in..

one hour earlier….

“F-fuck! Baby…you fucking me so good!”

the words spilling from between your drool stained lips, head tilted backwards courtesy of his fist clutched around the Brazilian wavy bundles cascading to your thin waist. The same hand held the diamonds of his buss down AP gleaming under the dimmed lighting, kept you reigned in as he tugged (y/n) back against his cock.

each inch filling you repeatedly and only getting deeper as those strokes intensified. Your thick, plump ass bouncing off the v-line of his chiseled six pack, moving fluidly like water as he pumped you full.. “I can’t help it..this pussy ‘s good, babygirl..and you creaming on my shit too, goddamnnn.”

that whiny wail coming from none other than world renowned artist and your fiancé, Eren Jaeger. Although that last part was to remain a secret until the two of you were ready to pop out and share that with the world. For now, you were celebrating your newfound engagement with passionate, rough and filthy lovemaking.

he had flew you out to the island on a last minute, spur of the moment getaway to celebrate the release of his long awaited EP and its success. Little did you know in the midst of a toast at an intimate candlelight dinner, would he fall to one knee, brandishing a small velvet box and ask you to be his wife. Without hesitation, you accepted and now, fast forward and you were being treated like his dirty little slut!

“..and imma get to fuck you like this for the rest of my life..oh shit..” so helplessly and needy rutting his hips into your bouncing backside. That tight grip of your cunt and milky cream, thanks to a thumb resting in your asshole, slathering him made it hard to keep his composure. Oh, he was so pathetic and fucking sexy as he hovered over your body.

but he always got like this with alcohol in his system. Shots of Dusse exchanged in the hot tub had led to the dark liquor coursing your veins and bringing out your nastiest sides.

from letting him dangle your head from the edge of the mattress and sloppily fuck your throat into oblivion as you drank his cum like water or sitting atop his face and gliding your pretty pussy across his lips until he sucked your sensitive clit to a squirting climax..going for rounds and rounds to give each other insurmountable pleasure. Beating your poor little walls sore with that big dick and he still was going! Now, you were hitting your second winds and it was as if he was trying to break the bed in the process.

“Aaah! Erennn..right there, you hitting my fucking spot!…gonna make m’ come all over this dick!” hearing your sweet voice cry out like that that done nothing more than to fuel his raging fire. Roping a hand underneath your thick thighs to massage your little bud;

coffin tips of the long acrylics brushing gently against your folds. Meanwhile, he had arched your back to its highest point and began pounding that dripping heat. Your mouth cradling a fluffy pillow in front of you as tried to muffle those moans but it was to no avail.

reaching across, Eren grasped that white linen and tossed it to the floor before folding himself completely over (y/n)’s back that he proceeded to mark with light kisses. Heavy full balls slapping against your slit and making your legs quiver in the process. “Then let me hear it, baby. Tell me how good it is..who that pussy belongs to.”

there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind from the way he had you clawing at the sheets and nutting all over his shaft but something about hearing it just inflated his ego. Tugging at your throat now, he’d pull you towards him to hiss in your ear as he spanked your ass. “I said let me hear that shit, mama..don’t get quiet on me now.”

without having to repeat himself twice, you’d mutter in a choked out whimper, glaring up at him with fluttering eyes and answer: “..mmm, you daddy! This pussy yours..” satisfied and quite full of himself, your future husband smirked and pulled you into a searing kiss, shoving his tongue into your mouth where he drew out a trail of saliva when you parted.

in an almost lightning fast motion, he’d pull out slightly only to flip you over onto your back and fold your legs up; curling your thighs in his muscular, inked up arms. Both knees burrowed into the the memory foam, sinking down as he gathered his stance one more time. Gripping the shaft of that stiff cock, he’d tap the head against your messy sex..coaxing out more of that stickiness he craved. He couldn’t stop until you were pumped full of his nut either so with that, he’d push that thick length through your walls until you could feel it resting at the pit of your stomach.

emerald green eyes locked into your own as he stared down at your face, watching the reactions change by the second as he pinned you down and stuffed that tight pussy with every inch he could offer. Thrusting gently for only a second to slow his pacing. In that short minute, he’d glance down to spot your feet plastered to his chest…

a gold anklet with his initials and white painted toes planted to his skin. To quell your shaking, Eren slid them into his mouth and suckled as he continued to feed you deep strokes. Flicking his tongue over your instep and ankle as well.

“Oooh fuck…you know how much I love that shit, baby..”

There was no time for him to go slow..he couldn’t handle it right now..it felt too goddamn good. Suddenly, a slight bulge started forming at the base of your tummy near that dangling belly button ring…and you’d push him back almost immediately. Big mistake.

rather than holding those legs back, your throat became the next resting place of his large hands. His thumbs brushing the sides of your face at the same time.

“Move your hands, baby. Or I’m only gonna get deeper..don’t you dare try to keep this shit from me right now.” Sucking his teeth, trying to keep himself from coming right there but it was all but impossible when he’d begin to drum out small splashes of squirt from your little hole. It’d spasm and clamp every time he’d pull out and go back in. You couldn’t stop and he didn’t try to stop it either. Just slapping those nine inches against you to make it worse. “Squirt on that shit, baby. Don’t hold it from me..” giving you light taps to the cheek to bring you back to consciousness.

Eventually though, he couldn’t keep up either and those rhythmic strokes slowed to more sporadic ones as his larger frame fell cast over you. Digging your nails deeply into his muscular back, adding to the collection of scratches from earlier;

keeping him close while he hit his final stride. You’d squeeze at his base and it caused faint gasps to erupt in your ear. With his long brown locks gliding over you, (y/n) cupped that handsome face and pulled him into a searing kiss to help ease his mind. “..c-can’t hold it..’m gonna come, princess! I’m coming in this pussy—“ the last words he uttered before you’d feel his stroking come to an abrupt halt and along with a loud groan, his entire load was emptied into your womb.

“Mmmm…yes. Come in me, daddy..let it out.” Encouraging with sweet nothings and slow rubs to his back. He was pumping for nearly an entire minute until you felt it come to a stop and he was left an overwhelmed and overstimulated mess…completely spent and at your whim. He hadn’t been this vulnerable in a very long time and he couldn’t believe that this was future. Fucking this beautiful woman every night until the day he died. Exchanging kisses and breathy ‘I love you’ ‘s in a moment of passion, you’d fall into one another’s grasp and soon after, he’d fall off into slumber.

gently caressing him, you’d place a soft peck to his temple..happily thinking about the fact that he was yours forever now. And just to capture the occasion, you’d reach over for your phone, grabbing the device from the nightstand. Tilting it up, (y/n) let the camera take a couple stills of your half nude bodies. It was a night you’d cherish forever and true enough, the world wouldn’t know who was responsible for that happiness until you were full and well ready.

but a little teaser wouldn’t hurt.

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if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading! please check out some of my other stuff in the masterlist. Likes are appreciated but reblogs would mean the world and help me out a TON! Also, considering leaving a little something in the tip jar if you’re feeling extra generous! 🫶🏾

[xerith-42]

I know it seems like striking on social media might not do enough, but as someone who has been outright obsessively using the internet since I was a child to the point that it is literally woven in my soul, been active and involved in online activism for about five years, and been using social media as marketing for about the same amount of time, I can confidently say that

THIS FUCKING WORKS!!

People base their entire businesses on their success on social media. They look at trending topics on twitter and don't see bite sized chunks of culture distilled to its finest and worst moments, they see market data! They don't see you as a single human being, they see you as a data point among thousands run through a probably AI assisted system that's prone to fucking up, that determines everything they're going to do.

How they're going to advertise, who they target it with it, what the general public wants. Every single major corporation uses data from social media websites to do this. Every. Single. One. Social media is a lot of things, and one of those things is a tool for business and politics. We know for a fact that social media politics bleeds out into the real world very fucking quickly.

Even if you can't strike financially, even if you have to go to work or school to survive, striking on social media is one of the best things you can do. Even if it's quiet. People are going to notice when thousands upon thousands of users across various sites go completely dark, and even more when some of them start getting real fucking loud about this. The US Capitalist Infused Government loves sweeping war crimes under the rug once they think the general public has forgotten about their atrocities and fallen into complacency. This system has been doing this for literal centuries.

Social media is just the newest and most expansive form we as a species have developed in the ongoing invention of ways to express our thoughts about things. It's the weirdest one, that's for sure, but executives pay attention to it. They don't often seek to understand it beyond a very basic level, because as I said, they view us as numbers on a screen, not as multifaceted incredibly and deeply fucked human beings. They do not seek to understand us on a personal level unless they think the cost of it won't outweigh the potential profit.

Pattern recognition is the tool of the moment. Machine Learning. Gathering endless amounts of data so we can replicate human existence through machines. You may think that social media strikes are ineffective because social media is just on the internet and it's "not real", but it is real! You are really doing stuff! You are contributing! Even if you're just lurking! Basic amounts of engagement can make a huge impact in a busted algorithm. Maybe you're not someone who would ever be drafted into an actual war-zone due to physical or mental health conditions, but you are probably a part of a key demographic of people that businesses are absolutely hungry for.

The budding adult has always been the target of greedy capitalists basically since this system was established and continued to get worse over time. The stage of your life when you are in the age range of 18-25 is an incredibly important transitional period, followed by a transitional period every six months until you lose sense of what six months even is because you haven't been happy in eight, and if you're in the 18-25 range currently, you got extra fucked by the pandemic. The world is in a turbulent stage and we are at the center of all of it and have been since 2001. Every single social media marketing expert will tell you the 18-25 demographic of social media users is a target demographic, because they are the most prone to extremes due to a life chock full of them.

We have to remember to be human, but we have to also know how to speak their language. They just see us as numbers? Let's show them some fucking numbers. Make posts about Gaza trend on every platform you have your hands on. Even if it's just liking posts, that gives them a slight boost in the algorithm. Commenting on posts is especially important on sites like Twitter and Instagram. But across every site the most important thing to do is reblog/retweet/share/send/copy link, whatever it is for that site, it is the biggest thing that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE looks at.

From a humble artist to a head of marketing at a billion dollar corporation about to have a meeting with a barely over 21 intern about how they need to run the twitter account, to said intern bumbling their way through adulthood with a job they only feel they're good at because they've been using social media since Skype was invented. We need to be loud, we need to make sure this can't be ignored, we can't sweep this under the rug. Mass media, especially coming out of the West, has been trying to censor, de-sanitize, and keep this issue quiet.

DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE SILENCED

There are tens of thousands of DEAD CHILDREN who have been BOMBED while in CIVILIAN AREAS and that is a FUCKING WAR CRIME.

THIS IS A GENOCIDE

Say that as many times as you can. Do not let it be ignored. A silent populous is a complacent one. Use your voice, even as small as it may seem. Make noise. Be loud. Be annoying. Don't let this be ignored. Talk about it everywhere you go. Do not let this be ignored.

Sometimes even we get disconnected from the real people around us. We base our sense of worth as a person based on the numbers going up or down but instead of developing a gambling addiction we just got angry about it but still fall into it because of cultural conditioning. But even if you only have let's say, completely random example, 70 followers. And only a small percent of them will see your post. Let's say maybe 20 on average, 30 on a good day, and even higher based on the machinations of fate. That's still 20 people who took time out of their day to read something you wrote, process something you created, share a part of your experience of living.

And likely they felt compelled to share it too, therefore increasing the spread of people who feel your influence. 20 people may not seem like a lot, but that has a major impact. Now imagine posts into the hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands and even millions. Those aren't just numbers. Each and every single one of those is just another person who might have reblogged a post because someone they like shared it, or because they wanted to spread its message, and that simple act causes a single post to have massive waves of effects from simple ripples.

Don't let yourself be discouraged. Don't think your voice or your impact "isn't enough to matter." Everything counts.

Don't let this be ignored. Don't become complacent. Know that every little thing counts, and to do every little thing you can.

[pretty-blkgirl]

hi!

may you do a fluffy seungmin x black reader? maybe the reader experiences hate from seungmin's fans and seungmin shows her that he loves her regardless of what's being said?

it's all up to you ofc! ok bye ~ <3

Let Me Help You

//fem!black reader x idol!Seungmin//

Synopsis: After experiencing excruciating hate from his fans, you try to leave your boyfriend

Genre; angst, eventual fluff

Warnings: racism is a heavy theme in this story, reader is described as fem

A/N; Thank you so much for the request ❤️❤️ As you can see, the story is a bit lengthy since this topic is something I’m passionate about. There aren’t any explicit instances of racism present (such as the use of slurs) but it is heavily implied.

~~~~|~~~~

“Y/N?” You hear from behind you, making you jump slightly. You immediately looked back to see your loving boyfriend staring at you with pure disbelief in his eyes.

The look on his face alone makes you want to run into his arms and kiss all his pain away. The pain and confusion you caused.

You were in the bedroom you two once shared, gathering the last of your things and returning a necklace Seungmin had given you. Since he was so busy at work, it was easy to dodge him and move out of the apartment without any problems.

Your original plan was to leave the apartment without a trace. Block him, and all his family and friends, never looking back.

However, you know he deserved more than that. You two’s relationship was perfect.

Well, near perfect.

You and Seungmin were beyond compatible. You loved the same shows, food, and artists, and it helps that you were familiar with the music industry so you two connected on another level.

The company was aware of the crush you two had on one another in the beginning, so they asked Seungmin ahead of time to try his best to hide the impending relationship.

He truly did do his best to hide you, not that he wanted to. He would have preferred to show you off to the world, and let everyone know he was in a relationship with the most beautiful, caring, talented, and loving woman in the world.

However, both of you knew that he needed to seem “available” as an idol. The fans needed to believe they had a chance with him, and them finding out about you wouldn’t be good for anyone.

It was a bit more tricky as well, considering the obvious difference between you two. Neither you nor Seungmin had a racial preference when it came to dating, so you being Black and him being Asian was rarely a situation you two cared about.

To be honest, who cares about the difference in race? It was never a big deal, all his family and friends absolutely loved you, and the company even took a liking to you.

The moral of the story is, it never mattered that you two were in an interracial relationship…until it did.

Being Black in Korea was an…interesting experience. The majority of your age group and younger exhibited great openness and compassion towards everyone. But there were still some ignorant people, and those people made sure to show themselves to you.

One day, an older man caught you and Seungmin leaving a restaurant late at night. He cursed at you, insulting you and calling you names you’d never repeat.

Seungmin defended you, but the man’s outburst caught the attention of a group of teenagers who recorded the interaction.

They posted it, and it went viral quickly. Sharp-eyed fans immediately recognized the masked man’s voice and eyes. They knew it was Seungmin, then everyone knew he had a partner.

Many people supported you and your man, even other celebrities came out in support, but a large number of nonblack fans came out and started to give you hell.

They sent trucks to the company, demanding the idol break up with you. They trended tags on Twitter, they spammed Bubble with pleas for you two to break up.

Seungmin and the company both put out a statement, but the hate continued to get worse.

His members began to speak in defense of you, and you noticed paparazzi stalking outside your job.

The death threats didn't take long to start, and then the shameless TikTok videos claiming you’re only “ruining his career” and “destroying his purity” came in dozens.

Again, there was still an outpour of support, but the blatant racism you were shown was so too much to handle.

Being Black, you unfortunately experienced at least a little bit of ignorance, prejudice, or racism wherever you went. You were beyond proud of your race though, making sure everyone could feel the confidence and pride exuding off you wherever you went.

You were never ashamed of your race, you would never allow someone to make you feel bad about who you were. To you, you were beyond blessed to have such beautiful brown skin, but it did hurt to know that people hated your guts just because of your skin color.

The fans were ruthless, and you tried to stay away from the hate, but your curiosity got the best of you.

Long story short, you spent 3 hours reading about how Seungmin could do better and how his reputation is being ruined. By the 4th hour, you had started packing your stuff.

You loved Seungmin more than anything, but you started to feel like you were ruining his career. He was almost put on hiatus when the news broke, and he was so miserable. You watched as he cried on the phone with the higher-ups, and you couldn’t stand the fact that it was all your fault.

You managed to pack the majority of your things in a few hours, mostly because you didn’t have much to begin with. Running off of pure adrenaline and sadness, you left for a hotel and ignored the eventual calls that came later in the night.

You stayed away for three days and planned to come back to the apartment to get the rest of your stuff while Seungmin was supposed to be recording a music video.

Unfortunately, he played sick and was able to leave the shoot early. Something in his gut told him you’d be back at the apartment, and he was right.

“I’m sorry,” You said, staring down at the floor

“Can we talk?”

“I just came to get the rest of my things”

He sighed, “Please baby, this can’t be the end of us”

“I’m not good for you”

“Don’t you ever say something so stupid again”

Against your better judgment, you looked up at him. He was so hurt, but still managed to put a little smile on his face.

Your knees felt weak

“Why’d you leave?” He questioned

“You know why”

“Maybe” He nods, “But I wanna hear you say it”

A few seconds of silence made the atmosphere more tense than it already was.

“I’m ruining your career” You whisper

“No, you’re not”

“I am, and I don’t want your dream to be ruined all because your fans don’t like me-”

“Y/n” He interrupted, “Fuck my dream. Do you think I’ll put a career over you? I’ll leave all of this bullshit behind if it means you’ll come back home”

“I don’t want you to give up on your career!”

“And I don’t wanna lose you, so what now?” He crossed his arms, and you hate that you found him so sexy at that moment

“Please just let me leave. This has gotten so out of control”

“Baby I understand that this is overwhelming. I promise you I do, but I swear I’m doing everything in my power to ensure all those people who've been harassing you will face consequences. I promise you I’m gonna fix it”

“You can’t get all of them”

“But I can try” He shrugs

He walked over to you, silently asking to touch you. Again, against your better judgment, you look into his eyes and allow him to hug you.

“Please don’t let ignorant pieces of shit destroy our relationship. I know the hate is getting to you, but let me help you through it, let me at least try to”

You knew you were going to say yes. Both guilt and unmeasurable love filled your chest and he rocked you side to side.

“I’ll put out another statement, and I’ll go live. I’ll make sure those motherfuckers know that I’ll do anything to protect you.”

He lets you go a little to pull back and look at you, “Plus, there are still millions of people who support us.”

“I know,” You say

“So let's focus on positivity? Or maybe we can delete social media for a while? I’ll delete mine too. If you don’t wanna come home for a bit, I’ll have the company set you up with an apartment. We’ll also look for a therapist, okay?”

You nod, and mutter a small “Okay baby”

You two hug for a while, knowing you guys won’t ever let some stupid people keep you away from each other again.

[certified-ni-ki-lover]

Doing Their Dance Challenge With Their Idol Crush

TXT OT5 Reaction

Word count: 762

MASTERLIST

a/n: In celebration with TXT dropping yet ANOTHER amazing album😍STREAM MINISODE 3:TOMORROW GUYS😝😝

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ .

Yeonjun🦊:

You & Yeonjun had met when Yeonjun used to be an MC for Inkigayo

During an interview he had done with you & your group aespa he had learned a lot about you

You were very talented & he respected you for how you were able to ace everything you do

After that interaction you & Yeonjun exchanged numbers & have been in contact ever since & you're now very close friends

Fans from both side often comment on how endearing your interactions are

So when your collab with Yeonjun for their "Deja Vu" dance challenge was released, it quickly started trending on Twitter

Netizens from all over couldn't help but gush for days how you both complimented each other's talents & style so well

For the next few weeks your ship name was one of the top trending topics on social media with fans requesting more interaction for you both🧡

Soobin🐰

You were a part of ITZY, which meant you were mostly known for your dance

So when you posted a TikTok of you doing the "Deja Vu" dance challenge, MOAs were blown away by your talent

They loved it so much that thanks to them Soobin had come across it on Weverse & was amazed as well

He spent the next few days looking up videos about you

He found out not only are you an incredible dance, but you had an amazing voice as well

He was extremely impressed by you

Not just for your talents but also your striking visuals

It would be a lie if he said he didn't find you incredibly pretty

He told his manager to contact your group's manager to request for a collab with you stating that it would be great publicity for both your groups

& maybe to also get your number afterwards but no one need to know about that part......🤭

Beomgyu🐻:

You were a soloist & during one of your interviews you were asked about your ideal type to which you responded with Beomgyu's name

Ever since he saw that interview he's had a huge crush on you

He had always admired you for your beauty & many talents

You were his dream girl

Hearing you mention him as your ideal type was all the confidence he needed to approach you when you were backstage at an award show to ask for your number

Since then he has taken you on many dates & have been dating ever since without either of your companies knowing about it

His group obviously knew about it & helped you both hide it

With his recent comeback being very popular your manager had arranged a collab with you & one of the members

Beomgyu made sure that "member" was him

Fans loved your interaction so much

They commented you both had incredible chemistry & looked extremely cute together

A few days later both your companies released statements that you both were dating & fans were incredibly happy for the both you & hoped to see more interactions for you both🥰

Taehyun🐿:

Being the 6th member of LE SSERAFIM meant you had an extreme workout routine

Taehyun had noticed you at the HYBE gym doing your group's infamous workout routine a couple of times

He had known previously that you were a member of the LE SSERAFIM

He was very impressed in your ability to do such work outs

So one day he decided to join you

Since that day you both were gym buddies

He was the one who actually proposed the idea of doing the dance challenge together to you directly

The second it was released it ended up going viral

Fans from both the groups were impressed with how you both were so talented

You both also started blowing up to the point a few locals mistook you both as a body goals couple😳

Huening Kai🐧:

You were a member of Kep1er

Kai met you when you had come over to his house with his sister during one of the holidays

Since then you both started hanging out more & later started dating

Fans often ship you both from seeing the interactions between you & him

Since his sister was in the same group as you it was easy for him to come to see you during award shows

Fans started noticing that he came to see you more than he came to see Bahiyyih

That's how the idea of you doing his dance challenge started

Fans wanted to see you two dance it together

& when you did, they were certainly not disappointed

MOAs loved how you had added your own style in their choreo & how it still looked amazing😋

. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ .

I'm slowly getting the urge to start writing again so my requests are OPEN 💌🤍

[strawberryspence]

OKAY PAUSE!!! because a famous steddie AU with Musician!Steve and Rockstar!Eddie!

Steve's famous from Broadway and he starts transitioning to TV shows and Eddie's just a little rockstar that got his offered his first acting job and was like, "Why not?"

You know how Hollywood gets 25 year olds to play college students? Yeah, it's that kind of show. In my head it's like HSMTMTS plus New Girl. So there's the musical element, they're living on a dorm together and it's a mockumentary following their college life.

The premise is funny and every episode they get into new shenanigans together. Steve's the character that does the Jim Halpert thing that he looks at the camera and gives a look like "what the fuck?" Eddie's the quirky, theater kid that pulls Steve into a song and dance number every episode. There's other characters of course, maybe a dorm neighbor that joins them in the shenanigans.

And holy shit, the fans are just eating this shit up. Steddie's chemistry in the show is AMAZING and the slow burn with the pining is so good. It becomes the most watched series in Netflix in one day, the site crashes and two weeks later Netflix green lights two more seasons. The fans want the second season IMMEDIATELY because they still haven't kissed after 22 episodes!

People start looking up this two like. How the hell did they not know that Eddie Munson from Corroded Coffin can fucking act?! And Dear Evan Hansen's Steve can do comedy like that? One person on tiktok does this little edit of the two of them in one of the press interviews before the show goes viral and the tiktok goes viral.

The chemistry in the show is amazing but outside??? OH MY GOD HELL FUCKING YES. The interviews are amazing. Eddie is relentlessly flirting and Steve's always just a blushing mess. They had to do the Buzzfeed puppy interview and Eddie was too distracted with watching Steve play with the puppies. The whole comment section is just full with screaming people about "DO YOU SEE HOW EDDIE LOOKS AT STEVE OH MY GOOOOOD" They did one song collab that was uploaded on Steve's youtube channel and it becomes the highest watched video on the channel after a matter of days.

Everyone just ships them. In TikTok they're the hottest topic and you'll randomly get an analysis of one of their interviews on FYP. Maybe some edits of just them flirting with each other or edits of them looking at each other when the others not looking. They get coffee together once and it breaks twitter. They're trending #1 worldwide within 3 minutes. Even the darkest parts of facebook where it's your cousin's mom's sister's aunt's neighbor and they're sharing snippets of the show and they SHIP the two gay boys 😭

[pommpuriinn]

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧﹐txt﹕🎤﹒ʬʬ DEJA VU ERA HIGHLIGHTS

𐙚 synopsis 𐙚 - little Joohyung highlights that stuck with moas during the promotion period of ‘Deja Vu’ along with Joohyung’s styling during the promotions.

𐙚 author’s note 𐙚 - I plan on writing for the little fan meetings they have after music banks and fansigns/fancalls. Hope you enjoy :3

𐙚 Deja Vu 𐙚

𐙚 I’ll See You There Tomorrow 𐙚

✧ let’s start with some negative things that happened during the promotion period. The number one thing was that knetizens didn’t like how much skin Joohyung was showing with all of her stage outfits

✧ Joohyung didn’t have a safety undergarment for her chest area. Knetizens were saying how inappropriate it was and that her stylist “should’ve known better”. Joohyung shut those knetizens up by posting many photos of herself in those “revealing” outfits with the caption ‘I love being me🥰’

✧ another controversy was Joohyung’s tattoos and how their staff didn’t cover them up with tape. As everyone knows when idols have tattoos and they go on music shows they have to cover them up with body tape, but for Joohyung she didn’t want to and the staff just let it slide plus the music bank staff didn’t mind it either

✧ how many lines Joohyung got for txt’s title track ‘Deja Vu’. Even though Joohyung wrote the song and mostly produced the song she got one second lines, only ad-lids, and the only time you fully hear Joohyung’s line is towards the end of the song. This cause a division online with some moas. One side was mad at bighit for only giving their genius idol so little lines for the title track even though she created the masterpiece. The another side was fine with the little lines because Joohyung gets the dance break and the iconic kick

✧ the final thing is Joohyung got no solo variety show appearances. Throughout all of txt’s career Joohyung hasn’t gotten any solo variety shows appearances. This is also a debate if Joohyung even wants to go by herself or just rather stick with going with her members instead

✧ aside from all the negativity there was a lot of good things that happened during the promotional time. Even thought some people didn’t like the styling for dumb reasons many actually really liked all of Joohyung’s outfits. Many started recreating and posing tiktoks about getting the ‘Joohyung look’

✧ Joohyung’s stylist wasn’t the only one getting praise Joohyung’s makeup artist was getting praise for using gems and glitter as tears (ex: 1, 2, 3) since the song is a more emotional and the makeup artist want to emulate pretty tears in her art

✧ Joohyung’s stage presence and acting during every single performance shocked everyone. Joohyung expressed the sad emotions of the song beautifully that it even got the locals talking about how they never seen someone acting so well, while singing and dancing not looking tried or missing a beat. Because of all the big twitter accounts talking about Joohyung and sharing her fancams along with trending, Hybe did get some exciting emails from movie/shows production teams

✧ speaking of singing, Joohyung vocals were a big topic online. Joohyung was praised for her raw vocals even though she had little lines she made sure to sing them along with her ad-lids. Moas that went in person to the music shows said that ‘Joohyung unnie was always louder than the back track!’. During the encore stages Joohyung would give extra ad-lids and little highs notes that were considered but not made into the final production of ‘Deja Vu’

✧ another viral moment while performing their title track was towards the end of the inkigayo stage after the dance break/kick Joohyung was able to shed a tear while singing passionately. The camera man deserves a rise because he zoomed in just in time to capture the viral moment. Online many moas in ‘awe’ and rightfully so bragging about their idol, and the other moas were making jokes;

‘ why is she singing like she just got divorced and got separated from her kids😭’

‘ did members not want to cuddle backstage 💀’

‘ she just wiped her tear, smiled, and wave then just walked off stage like nothing happened she was like 😢😐🤗🚶🏻‍♀️’

✧ the two members who constantly don’t think they’re cute have been proved wrong again. Both Joohyung and Taehyun had sharp eyes during their end pose, and once the staff yelled ‘cut’ their eyes instantly went big and sparkling. Once again proving everyone right, they are the cutest

✧ Joohyung performing’ISYTT’ just causing heart attacks because of her mischievous and flirty actions towards the camera

✧ articles having the headlines saying ‘Gen Z ‘it’ siblings strike again with a new trend’ the article was talking about how Yeonjun and Joohyung kept on showing the top of underwear (ex) especially in the ‘ISYTT’ performances

✧ during this era Joohyung was more on the quiet side, but she was very unintentionally cute. There was many clips of Joohyung just being in her own world zoning out, members taking care of her, and treating her like the maknae 





[cocogrrrl]

soft launching

yn, a streamer, eases the audience into the slow reveal of their boyfriend, kyle.

kyle broflovski x streamer!gn!reader no cws all fluff 😾 wc: 1399

CinnamunHunny donated 5$!: can you say “yn has zero pull” it’s my dog’s birthday please please please it would make her the happiest dog in the world

You read the donation sent on your screen. You jokingly scoffed, rolling your eyes. This was just typical usual banter between you and your fans. Sure, sometimes they were absolutely ruthless, but you loved them despite that.

“Chat, that’s not nice! I’ll have you know that I actually have a boyfriend.” You pouted.

Immediately, the responses were polarizing. Some asked to see him, and some said that you were making him up. You laughed at a few that said he was just a figment of your imagination.

m30wm30w: i bet yn’s js gonna say that their bf is paul dano or something

“Okay, whoever just said that I’m gonna fake out and say my boyfriend is Paul Dano is wrong because it would actually be Michael Cera.” You laughed, seeing the rest of the comments flood in quickly, not even getting enough time to read a good number of them. “I do have a boyfriend, though. I promise!”

For the remainder of the stream, the chat kept on bringing up your boyfriend. Sometimes you’d tease them a bit, describing how he is but never revealing too much. Most of the time, though, you decided to ignore it in the most polite way possible.

What would your boyfriend think about you revealing his identity? Honestly, he doesn’t care. You two have talked it out long ago already. When you started dating around six months ago, you came to the conclusion to lie low.

At first, he wanted things to be kept secret, having only your friends and family know. After a while, though, when the conversation was brought up again, he noted that he didn’t mind if you mentioned him. He said you two could slowly build up to his reveal whenever the both of you are ready to do so.

And so that’s what you did.

That night, you finally broke the news to him. It was after your stream. You were snuggled up on his chest as you scrolled through Twitter, noting your name slowly trending because of the news you broke earlier.

“Babe,” you called, sitting up straight to look at him. He answered you with silence, attention was placed on you. “Finally told them about us.”

Kyle immediately knew what you meant by ‘them.’ “Yeah, you think I didn’t see it?”

“Hmm, I was debating on it.” You hummed, finding your place back on his chest again. “You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be? We’ve already talked about this, and you already know I’m fine with it.” He smiled, grabbing your face by the sides and laying a swift kiss on it.

“Yeah, thanks, Kyle. I love you.” You giggled, rising once more to return the kiss.

So that’s how it went on for the next few weeks. You continued to tease the chat with the idea of your boyfriend, most of them believing you despite the numerous amount of “I’m sure he’s just a figment of your imagination.” jokes that came along the way.

That was all great until you actually confirmed his existence from the perspective of your chat one day.

You were in a Just Chatting stream, not really having the energy to do your usual act but still wanting to interact with your fans. Kyle was across the room, scrolling through his phone as you were streaming. The chat was flaming you once more since the topic of your boyfriend was brought up.

“He is real! In fact, he’s here right now.” You said, turning your head to Kyle, who looked back at you with a wave. “Babe, say ‘hi’ for me.”

“Hi, chat!” He called from across the room. “I’m YN’s partner, and I love them very much.”

“Okay, don’t flatter me too much. I might combust if you do.” You laughed, blowing him a kiss. You felt your cheeks heat up, and so you found yourself rubbing your temple to hide them.

hhhhdong: nawhhh i cant believe yn actually paid an actor to act as their bf 💀💀💀

“Chat, I did not pay an actor! I don’t have enough money to do that.”

After the stream, you and Kyle were cuddled up again. Your social battery was completely drained, so spending some time in his arms would help you recharge again.

“Your chat is ruthless, YN.” Kyle laughed, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“They’re funny, though. Besides, I’m not really hurt at all.” 

You felt like this whole “build-up reveal” thing was fun. It felt like Kyle was a secret you had to yourself. In a weird way, this whole thing felt sweet and exciting to you. You knew why you kept things private, of course, but it was fun to slowly show the world how much you loved him and how proud you were to have him as your boyfriend. Granted, a bunch of the comments still just claim that Kyle’s just a life-size cardboard cutout of Michael Cera.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

“When do you think you’ll be ready to, like, show your face?” You asked, leaning onto his shoulder as he did his work.

“Well,” he sighed, sitting up to look at you. “I think I’m ready for it. I barely have a presence online.” He laughed. “The question is if you’re ready for people to peer their heads in your life even further.”

“I suppose you’re right.” You hummed. “I wanna show you off, though, Kyle. I want everyone to know that you are the most perfect person alive—and that you’re not a customized photocard of young Jack Black.”

He laughed in response, cupping your face as he gave you a peck on the nose.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

A week later, you find yourself promptly naming your stream “BF REVEAL (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT).” You set up your camera, tested your mic, and all that jazz as you waited for your fans to come in. Kyle was beside you the whole time you were preparing things, just barely out of the camera’s sight.

Once you turned on your camera, comments started pouring in, asking where he is. You wanted to ease them into it, ready yourself as your chat did. After a bit of banter between you and the chat, you were finally prepared to show your boyfriend. 

“Okay, chat. Here’s my boyfriend, Kyle!” As soon as you said that, he came on screen and waved.

“Hello,” he greeted with a sense of meekness to it. “I am, indeed, YN’s boyfriend. I’m not being paid or forced to do this at all.” He lightheartedly joked.

“Oh, my god. Not you too.” You laughed. “But yes! This is Kyle. We’ve been together for about eight months.” You had the biggest grin on your face as you talked to and about him, rocking back and forth in your seat as if you weren’t able to contain your happiness.

You got mixed reactions, some driving the “He’s being held hostage” joke to home, but mostly comments invested in your relationship. For the former, you two just made a silent understanding to just skim through those, ignoring most of them.

“So how are you liking them so far?” You whispered in his ear, bringing your mic farther away from you two.

“Overwhelming, but definitely fun.” He murmured back.

“Yeah, that’s what you said to Stan after our first date, right?” You laughed, your voice a little louder now but still mostly indiscernible to your viewers.

“My god,” he rolled his eyes, moving his hand to your scalp to mess it up.

“You aren’t denying it, though!” Your voice was now booming, your audience could definitely hear you now. 

“I’m not confirming or denying anything!” He laughed.

“Uhuh,” you sarcastically replied, nodding as you leaned into him briefly to give him a kiss on the lips. “Totally.”

Your chat was now exploding.

mattstonestoes: PDA WTF

csvismz: theyre so cute i 🥹🥹🥹🫶🫶

gorrilass: get that shit away from me 

ppp0ppy: this is not for the eyes of god!!!!!!

lkkopi: MICHAEL CERA NO I THOUGHT YOU WERE MARRIED

rosesandlavenders: WAHHHH 💗💗💗💗

dennysofficial: MY OTP ☹️☹️

You shared a laugh with Kyle, reading the comments. This went better than you would’ve expected. Despite everything, you were just glad that you could finally go public and show the world your wonderful boyfriend.

[candycandy00]

Trending Topics - A Dabi x Reader Fanfic

I intended to post this on Saturday in honor of Dabi's Dance being animated but I finished it earlier than expected and I have no patience so I'm unleashing it to the world now, a few hours early lol. I hope everyone enjoys!

Smut. 18+. Rough sex. Creampie. Probably some other stuff I'm forgetting. Oh yeah, spoilers for Dabi's Dance!

Dabi leans back on the couch and holds his phone up to his face. “Let’s see what everyone has to say about my old man now,” he mutters, opening various social media apps to see what the general public’s reaction to his shocking video was. He could already imagine the outrage over the abuse allegations, the anger over the number one hero raising a violent murderer. He could also imagine the fanboys who would defend Endeavor no matter what, who would go to online war with the detractors who were horrified by Dabi’s video. All of it would be amusing to read through. Dabi will enjoy the online chaos. So he grins wickedly as he opens Twitter.

The names Dabi, Endeavor, and Todoroki Touya are already trending. Naturally. But then Dabi notices a few other “trending topics” that catch his eye. “#Dabisofine”, “#Touyasohot”, and “#SteponmeDabi” are all trending. Surprised and curious, Dabi begins clicking through some of the posts. After a few minutes, he sits up from the couch and stares at the screen incredulously. The tweets flashing by his eyes are definitely not what he expected the result of his video to be.

“OMG Dabi is so fucking hot! How have I never seen this guy before?”

“Okay Touya is definitely the sexiest Todoroki. Just look at him!”

“All I can say is, Dabi can light a fire in my panties any day!”

“Y’all… the things I would let Todoroki Touya do to me…”

“I want Dabi to rail me until I can’t walk.”

Dabi isn’t sure what to think about this. On one hand, he’s a little mad that his big dramatic reveal has been overtaken by posts like this. There’s even a long thread of posts and replies arguing over whether or not his dick has staples in it (it does, and the urge to tell them so wells up within him for a brief moment before dying away). But on the other hand, he feels… flattered? He’s never once thought of himself as sexy or even remotely good looking. All that scarring, all those burns… he felt like Frankenstein’s monster.

Years ago, he’d pretty much resigned himself to never having a lover. Who would want to even touch someone who looked like him? But it didn’t bother him all that much. After all, he was so focused on his revenge, he didn’t really have time for romance anyway. He’d shoved any thoughts of sex or love far away into the back of his mind. Of course he has hormones. He’s human, after all. Occasionally he even has urges, but he takes care of those himself.

Now though, reading through these tweets, those urges he’d shoved down are resurfacing. Out of curiosity, he clicks on the profile of the person who made that last tweet about wanting him to “rail” them. There are pictures of a very pretty young woman who looks to be in her early twenties. He also finds more posts about him.

“God, Dabi is so fine. Those scars really do it for me.”

“I wish I could feel that skin. All over me. I don’t care if he’s a villain.”

“Endeavor is a fucking monster. How could anyone treat such a beautiful person so badly?!”

Then more pictures of the woman. One of them in particular catches Dabi’s attention. It looks like she’s standing on the balcony of an apartment. In the background, he can see a restaurant sign straight across from her that he recognizes. Also in the background are several plants in colorful pots, sitting around her balcony.

Dabi rereads her tweets, then comes to a decision. He grins as he heads out the door.

*****

You hum to yourself as you water your potted plants on your balcony, then check your phone. There are tons of notifications from Twitter. Your posts about Dabi, Todoroki Touya, are getting a lot of likes. They’re also getting the attention of some seriously pathetic Endeavor fans who are trying, and failing, to justify the hero’s behavior. Some of them are just outright saying it’s all a lie, that Dabi’s video is just a phony hit piece. You can’t believe how naive they are, or maybe they’re just willfully ignorant. Either way, you’re already running through arguments and points in your mind that you can shoot back with as you step back into your apartment, leaving the glass door to your balcony open.

You step over to the sink and pour yourself a glass of water, still scrolling through replies with one hand, completely absorbed in your phone. A sudden sound, like a heavy thud, comes from your balcony as you’re walking back toward the door, about halfway through your small living room.

You look up from your phone and see Dabi himself standing just inside the door. He gives you a grin and says, “What was it you want me to do again? Rail you until you can’t walk?”

The glass of water slips from your hand and crashes on the floor. You don’t even look down at it. Your eyes are glued to this extremely sexy villain standing in your living room. One who has apparently read all the pervy tweets you made about him. Your mouth falls open, but you have no idea what to say.

He takes one step closer. “Or did you want to feel my skin all over you? Well, here I am.”

“Oh my God,” you finally manage to say, still staring at him. “Is this really happening?”

He tilts his head to the side, his hair falling over one bright blue eye. “That’s up to you.”

You slowly step closer to him, as if he’ll disappear if you approach too quickly. He’s gorgeous, but he’s still a villain. You don’t want to upset him. But damn, you really want to touch him. Maybe just ask for permission?

“Can I… touch you?” you ask.

“That’s what I’m here for,” he says, his grin showing his teeth.

You take one more step, effectively closing the distance between you and him. You reach out one hand and gently touch the side of his face, feeling the spaces where the scarring and healthy skin meet, your fingers grazing over the staples and piercings. You watch his expression, but it remains unchanged. Clearly, he’s not bothered by this.

“You’re so beautiful,” you say in a quiet voice, the words slipping out before you think them through.

Something shifts in his eyes. For a split second, the playful deviance vanishes and something else, something heartbreaking, takes its place. But then he grins again and says, “Look who’s talking.”

Does that mean he thinks you’re beautiful too? You feel a blush creep into your face. “Are you really here to rail me?” you ask.

“Do you really want me to?” he shoots back.

When you answer, your voice is more breathless than you expected. “More than anything.”

He reaches behind him and pulls the door shut, then follows you to your bedroom. As soon as you enter the room, you begin pulling your clothes off. Dabi watches you, not yet taking any of his clothing off. You feel like you’re doing a strip tease, with his eyes following your every move. It’s making heat spread through your body.

When you’re completely naked, you approach him and tug at his jacket. He lets you slide it off his shoulders and drop it on the floor, then he pulls his shirt over his head. You’ve seen him shirtless in the video, but nothing compares to seeing that lovely two-tone skin in person. Dabi’s eyes shift to the floor for a moment. Is he self-conscious about the scars? It seems ludicrous to you, especially since he was willing to show them off to the world in the video. But maybe showing them to someone in person is different.

You can’t help yourself, you have to touch him. You press both hands to his chest and slide them down, gingerly feeling the staples and the different textures of his skin. “It’s amazing,” you whisper.

His eyes shift back to you, and there’s an unreadable expression on his face. Not exactly embarrassed. Not exactly proud. It’s something like surprise, like no one has ever touched him before. “You have a scar fetish or something?” he asks, the playful tone seeming like a mask for whatever he’s actually feeling.

“I don’t know if I’d call it a fetish. I do like scars though. They’re unique to the person who carries them. They tell a story.”

He’s looking into your eyes now as your hands slide down to unbutton his pants. “And what story do mine tell?”

You meet his gaze and say, “One that’s very painful, I can imagine. I’d love to know the whole story someday. For now, I just think they’re mesmerizing to look at, and they feel incredible to the touch.” By this point you’ve pushed his pants down to his ankles, and he steps out of them. He’s not wearing underwear, and you can see all the glorious lines of scarring and staples across his thighs and hips. His cock is unscarred, but there are a few staples in it. You wonder about their purpose, but don’t ask.

Your hands run down his body, over his abdomen, moving around him to brush over his well-toned ass, and then you take his cock into one of your hands and lightly stroke it. It’s been growing harder by the moment, and the motion of your hand is speeding that process up.

Dabi sucks in air through his teeth, his eyes closing and opening slowly like a cat’s. Once he’s fully erect, he reaches down and pulls your hand away. “You’ve been looking me over this whole time. I think I should get a turn.”

With that, he suddenly picks you up and carries you to the bed. The feel of his bare skin on yours sends shivers through your body, and you miss the feel of it when he sits you down on the mattress. You scoot back to give him room, and he gently pushes your legs apart. He hovers over you, his eyes moving all over you, his hands finally reaching out to grope your breasts. His hands are firm and warm as they knead the plump mounds, then he scoots back slightly and leans forward, so that his head is positioned close to your groin.

Dabi uses his fingers to spread open your flesh and look at what’s inside. Then he leans even closer and runs his tongue along the inner folds, tasting your arousal. When his tongue hits your clit, you arch your back and moan. Dabi looks up at you with that unreadable expression again, like he’s just now understanding how much you really want him.

Then he grins again, because he’s discovered your weak spot. His tongue traces circles around your clit, making you squirm beneath him, wanting him to hit the bullseye again. He finally has mercy on you and closes his lips around the sensitive nub, sucking on it before running his tongue over it again. He even lightly grazes it with his teeth.

You cry out in pleasure, running one hand through his soft white hair and using the other to grip the sheets beside you. What name should you call out? Dabi? Touya? You’re not sure, so you so you stick to moans and wordless cries as he absolutely devours you. When you cum, it’s like a tsunami has hit your body, rocking it with wave after wave of rippling pleasure. Your whole body tenses up, your toes curl, and your hand in his hair tightens.

After a few seconds, your body relaxes, and Dabi pulls away, licking his lips. You feel weak, but you see the raging erection between his legs and know you can’t rest yet. He still hasn’t done what he came here to do. You reach for him, placing your hands on his scarred shoulders and pulling him toward you. You want, no need, him inside you. It’s an ache you felt the moment his video started. When you saw that body, those glowing blue eyes, that expression of carefully contained rage and pain… you wanted him like nothing before.

He lingers on top of you, not doing anything, just watching your face. Why is he hesitating? You try to pull him closer, but he’s not budging.

“Please,” you whimper, spreading your legs further apart, giving him the easiest access you can, “do it!”

Desire and lust seem to flame in his eyes. He wants to, you know it. But he waits. “Tell me exactly what you want me to do,” he says, his voice husky and low. Oh, now you see. He wants you to beg for it. Well, you can certainly do that.

You raise your hips from the bed and rub you drenched pussy across the underside of his cock. “Please, I want you inside me! Please fuck me!”

That seemed to do the trick. He smiles as he positions himself just right, then shoves his cock all the way in. He’s so much bigger than you expected, filling you up completely. As he pulls out a few inches, the staples scrape your insides in such a delicious way, you can’t help moaning again. He begins a rhythm of thrusting in and out, slowly at first and then picking up speed. You look up at him, and he’s thrown his head back, his eyes closed, his hands gripping your thighs.

He’s definitely railing you now, but it’s not enough. You might be able to walk tomorrow. In a panting voice, you cry out, “Harder!”

He opens his eyes and looks at your face, sees the lusty desperation there, and suddenly thrusts in so hard that you imagine his cock has entered your womb. His hands move to your waist, where he holds you steady as he pounds you into the mattress, every thrust feeling like it might just break your bones.

You love it. This is what you wanted. This man, this gorgeous, pained, scarred, unique person, being so deep inside you. One of his hands moves to your breast, where he roughly squeezes it. You’re going to be covered in bruises when this is over, but you’ll look at each one with joy.

Your hands are above your head, holding onto the brass headboard for dear life. Dabi moves his hand from your breast down to your clit, where he rubs it, hard enough to make you wince. You were already so sensitive from the earlier action, you cum again on the spot, your body convulsing with your orgasm.

Dabi doesn’t let up, continuing to fuck you as hard as he can as you tremble under him, tears falling from your eyes. You let go of the headboard and lift your weak, shaky arms to wrap them around his neck. To your surprise, he moves his hand from your sore clit and uses it to hold your head up, closer to him, his fingers intertwining with your hair in a gentle fashion. It’s an intimate gesture you didn’t expect from him, even as he rails you as promised. Finally, he cums inside you, filling you with hot sticky fluid, his grip on your waist tightening but the hand in your hair remaining soft. When he’s done, he pulls out and falls onto the bed beside you. You want to cuddle up to him, but you’re not sure how he would react to that. You just met. It’s not like you’re in a relationship.

After a few minutes, your naked body has cooled slightly, so you pull a sheet over the both of you. You reach over to the nightstand to get your phone and ask, “Would you mind if I take a picture of us?”

He looks over at you and says, “What, as a souvenir?”

You blush a little as you answer. “Yeah.”

He scoots closer to you and says, “Sure.”

You hold the phone up, pointing the camera at your faces. It’s obvious the two of you are topless, but you make sure the bottom of the image cuts off just before your tits are shown. You snap the picture and smile as you look at it. “Thanks,” you say.

Dabi gets out of bed and begins putting his clothes back on. “Are you gonna post it?”

You look up at him. “Hmm?”

“The picture. Are you gonna post it on Twitter?”

“Do you mind if I do?”

He shrugs. “Doesn’t bother me.”

You smile and open Twitter, add some comments and hashtags, and post the photo. Dabi pulls on his boots and says, “I better go. If I found your place from looking at your pictures, I’m sure the heroes can too.”

You suddenly regret posting it. “Wait, does that mean you can’t come back here?”

He looks at you with that unreadable expression again. “Do you want me to come back?”

“Of course I do!”

There’s a small notebook and a pen lying on your nightstand. Dabi picks them up and writes something down. “Here’s my number. Call me and we can meet up somewhere.”

You feel an incredible sense of relief. You can still see him. You can call him, maybe even get to know him for real. You take the notebook in your hands and cradle it, as if it’s a treasure. “Thanks,” you say.

Dabi shrugs again, rubbing the back of his head casually. “No problem,” he says back, seeming just a little awkward about it. “See you around then.”

He leaves through the balcony door, and you start humming happily to yourself again as you head for the shower.

*****

Once Dabi gets back to the hideout, he pulls out his phone and checks Twitter. There’s a new post by his new favorite user. There’s the picture of the two of you. Beneath it is a caption, as well as some hashtags. As he reads it, a grin spreads across his face, and then he breaks out into laughter.

“Got railed by the hottest Todoroki! Best day ever! #Dabisofine #Yesithasstaples #Villainsdoitbetter #EatshitEndeavor”

[toomanylizzes]

It’s reached Seth Rogen and Roxane Gay. It’s the number one topic on Canadian twitter ahead of Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, and their beloved Canadian superhero roles.

Somewhere in Los Angeles, some very tired staff at that company are looking at their phones and saying, hey, at least we’re trending.

[sherifftillman]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

masterlist | prev. | next

Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 9.3k

A/N: This thing's getting out of control at this rate! Not only do the chapters keep getting longer, I keep making more and more complicated assets to tell the story, too. I hope you like it!

Also, to all my patient angst queens (gn) out there - not sure how long it's gonna take me to write bc I'm sure it's going to RUIN ME but. Next chapter. Look out for it. :)

Also x2, big love to @steddiesandwich @joemazzmatazz and @heroeddiemunson especially for all the love and contributions they've given to this series. There's some special cameos from them especially somewhere in this chapter!

Another week goes by, another chance to check Ralph's social media numbers. Ever since he remained a trending topic on Twitter following his face reveal - along with the phrase “oh no he’s hot”, which your friends found hilarious but you found yourself feeling… Uncomfortable over. Every now and then you look up his name on social media sites, grateful that the name relatively died out to the point where he’s one of the most popular Ralphs these days, though it leaves you with a strange feeling in your stomach every time. 

There’s just something about the way people tend to objectify him - he’s your friend, and you know he’s so much more than the curls in his hair and the chain on his neck and his chocolate button eyes - a phrase becoming very common amongst his admirers. Arguably the worst part about that is that, either just because you’ve been seeing talk of nothing but those details, or maybe they’re all things you’d already appreciated about Ralph, but you find yourself more and more aware of them with every day that you live with him. And with still no word from Homeless Pete about whether the time machine is awake again. 

You even start to visit the building that Ralph had pointed out on that day 6 weeks ago for yourself, just to see if it really is taking that long to reboot, but it seems to be an ordinary lift every time you go to look at it. You’d be lying if you said you were anything other than relieved whenever the lift would work completely normally, even when you tried to replicate how Ralph had described Pete getting the two of them over here. 

If you were a stranger, looking in on Ralph every now and then, you’d have no reason to believe he wasn’t just your flatmate. He’s been getting more confident about his own role in the modern world, even going so far as to hold brunches for his girl gang, which you’d appreciate a lot more if he ever told you in advance when they’d happen. Though you can usually predict at this point that, if you’re having a rough day at work, you can guarantee you’ll be returning to a flat full of people that you can’t decompress around. 

Not that you didn’t like Ralph’s friends, of course you did - but you’ve been letting Ralph have this group to himself, so as not to make him fully co-dependent on you. You hope that, if anything, him having the confidence to keep up so many friends himself will translate once he’s back home and he can hopefully confront his sister. You know it’s a sore subject, and so you’ll never ask - and it’s not got anything to do with you, anyway - but you wonder whether he’ll seek Lauren out there as well. Whether the New Ralph will try to win her back, or realise that he deserves more than someone who even you know wouldn’t be compatible with him. But again, that’s none of your business. 

Today’s another day off, and you and Ralph are sat in your living space. With Ralph growing tentatively more aware of what social media is actually for, he’s accumulated many questions about it that you’d told him you’d have to dedicate a whole day to answering, and that day has finally arrived. 

“Okay, first things first,” Ralph starts, crossing his legs on the sofa cushion beneath him and opening a book he had bought a couple of weeks back. “Who is mister Stanley Loona and why do people insist on telling me his name all the time?” 

You promised yourself you wouldn’t laugh in his face, that just because internet lingo is second nature to you doesn’t mean that Ralph is silly for not understanding. But Mr Stanley Loona immediately cracked you. Once you calm down, you apologise profusely. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I really didn’t want to do that! But, stan in this sense isn’t a name, it’s a verb. To stan something is to be a really, really big fan of it. Loona spelled the way you see it, that’s a Korean pop group.” 

“That explains all the dancing ladies that accompany that name, then,” Ralph mutters under his breath as he scrawls on his notepad some more. You bite your knuckle so as not to laugh again. “So, if I were to express my gratitude to you, would I say that I stan you?”

You feel your face get warm. “Well - not exactly, stanning is more of a parasocial thing, between fan and celebrity, or character, or franchise. For example, you might call yourself an Audrey 2 stan,” you smirk as you jerk your head over to the TV screen, where Ralph has requested Little Shop of Horrors for the fifth time since he’s been here. 

He looks at the TV in awe for a moment, “That puppeteering work is just spectacular, isn’t it?!” You’d felt your emotions rise and then drop fleetingly. He’d once referred to something as being “wizard”, and you’d been dying to hear it again, but clearly it must have been a phrase reserved for the most truly special of things. He clears his throat as he reads down his list. “Anyway, next question. Why does everyone feel the need to tell me about their lack of headgear when I ask for clarification on something?” 

You rack your brain for a moment before it clicks, “Do you mean that they say the words “no cap”?” Ralph nods. “That’s just another way of saying “no lie”, it means they want you to know they’re telling the truth. Remember, we talked about fact checking the things you read for the first time before you believe them?” 

Ralph frowns, “Listen here, it would not be entirely uncommon for a Penbury to be loosely related to royalty, we’ve always had ties with high society for generations -” 

“Something tells me that maybe you’re probably not closely related enough to a Nigerian prince that they’d be genuinely emailing you to offer you a share in their fortune,” you reach out to pat his knee before smirking. “And the less said about your potential investment in enhancement pills, the better.” 

“Moving on,” Ralph quickly continues with deliberation, his ears growing pink again. “So, when you posted that photo of me, the one where I had been wearing a red scarf. It seemed to make a lot of people sad,” he frowns. “And they kept telling me I was in an era that I didn’t recognise, the one of Jake Geel- Guy- G-” He sighs in frustration as he flips his book around to show you the name he’s copied down perfectly, but you’ve already figured it out, and texted both Anna and Grace to let them know that the time has come to show Ralph the full video of All Too Well. 

Neither of them respond to your text, but they’re both at the flat within ten minutes, thankfully interrupting the second after Ralph deadpan asks you for the definition of the word “bussy”. 

The girls are a little taken aback at the sight of Ralph, which worries him, but they answer his concerned expression with, “Oh, sorry, there’s nothing wrong! Just so used to seeing you always looking smartly dressed. Strange seeing you in pyjamas.” 

Ralph frowns, “Well, yes, you must always look smart, even in your resting hours, that’s why I got these matching pyjama sets! They don’t quite seem to be what they used to be, but I’ve been getting rather used to sleeping in shirts without buttons!” 

“I’m not sure how Pokémon PJs could be considered “smart”, but you do you, bud,” Anna ruffles his hair, which he sits upright to lean into happily. Between that and his co-opting of Grace’s love of pet names, he’s become very comfortable amongst your friends’ presence. Even if you do have to find ways to make sure they don’t see you react every time Ralph calls anyone “darling”. 

“Poke them on? What am I supposed to poke?” Ralph asks, pressing the graphic of the yellow creature on his shirt. 

Anna smiles, “No, Ralph, those are Pokémon. That’s Pikachu.” 

“God bless you,” Ralph looks Anna in the eye immediately, straight faced as anything, before looking around for a box of tissues. 

“Oh my god,” you groan under your breath, hanging your head as your friends laugh. “You know, the Pokémon ones aren’t even his worst set.” 

“I got some that have a man named Rick on them who became a pickle, no less!” Ralph explains excitedly, his nose wrinkling as his head bobs back and forth. “The shop assistant assured me that it was quite hilarious when it happened.” 

“This isn’t even the worst thing he’s said this morning,” you look at the girls in despair. “I’ll never let Connor take him shopping alone again.” They promise not to, either, and you gesture for them to join you around the TV. Before you can reposition yourself to allow for them to sit between you and Ralph, Anna has sat herself on the other side of Ralph to you, and Grace is on the floor. 

Ralph’s brow furrows. “Grace, please, allow me to sit in your place and you up here, the floor is no place for a lady to be sitting -” 

Grace interrupts, in her classic way, “Women can do anything, Ralph!” 

He frowns, “I hardly think that sitting on the floor is something that anyone should aspire to, regardless of gender, but I suppose if you must.” Grace and Anna exchange similar expressions that you can’t quite get a read on as you set up the video to play. 

Ralph’s first thought as it starts is, “Well, that actress certainly looks far too young to be playing the part of this man’s partner believably!” 

“Keep watching,” Anna hushes, though it’s only Ralph that’s looking at the screen; the three of you anxiously await his reactions to the whole video. He pulls faces of disgust at every loved-up scene, and positively scowls when Dylan O’Brien drops Sadie Sink’s hand. 

“Now, why would she possibly return to him after that godawful apology?!” he exclaims. “He was clearly just telling her what she wanted to hear, there was no weight behind that at all!” 

“We were all young and stupid once, Ralphie babes,” Grace shakes her head. 

“But surely these men would want something far more enriching with someone their own -” Ralph falters as he remembers how he and his twin had found their father on the day he had passed away. He had always found it strange that they’d found him lying naked on top of a far younger woman, and his mother’s rushed explanation of them both performing a specific style of Chinese acrobatics never quite seemed to ring true. He shrinks down in the seat as he watches, quietly seething. 

He does seem to perk up ever so slightly when he sees the protagonist celebrating her birthday surrounded by her own friends. “I’m glad she saw what an awful man he was and left him,” he muses. 

“Oh no, he broke up with her,” you explain, and Ralph’s expression once again shifts to that of total horror. 

“What?!” he exclaims. “And she was just turning 21?! What an awful, awful man.” 

“Yeah, when it actually happened to the real couple, his PR team came out and said it was all because the two of them were in the limelight so much.” 

“Ridiculous,” Ralph spits, scowling as he folds his arms. 

“Yeah, so that’s why now she’s getting her side of the story out there.” 

“Good for her! As she should,” Ralph nods, earning himself another head pat from Anna. He gasps loudly, “Wait!” and rushes to the bedroom, soon emerging with the red scarf that prompted this whole situation, though he holds it as though it’s diseased. “Do you think she would like this one? Could we send it to her as a present?” 

A chorus of aww s comes from your friends as you shake your head, “It’s fine, mate, and you don’t even have to throw it away, really.” 

He looks at it, and then pulls a face. “No, I can’t. Red has never especially been my colour, anyway.” 

The girls continue teaching Ralph about Taylor Swift’s relationship history as you inform the boys enquiring in the group chat as to where everyone is. They’re talking about how she’s always written her own songs when Anna asks, “Do you play any instruments, Ralph?” 

His eyes light up, “Oh, yes! I must say, leaving home… The way that I did, I do miss my ukulele.” Your eyes dart quickly to see if the girls react to Ralph talking about leaving home, but thankfully that’s not the part that they focus on. 

They excitedly ask him about his craft as you text the one friend you know can help you give Ralph a little bit of his old life back: 

You also tell Scott that Connor is coming over, and he lets you know that he may as well complete the group. 

Connor does, however, groan when he and Scott walk through the door, “We did not come all this way to listen to Taylor Swift the whole time.” 

Ralph frowns at his new favourite artist being disrespected, but you pat his shoulder comfortingly. “Why don’t you play us a song?” Everyone else nods excitedly as Connor hands him the instrument, but Ralph looks unsure as he starts strumming.  

“Well, I don’t really know any actual songs, I just know the chords and then I write my own,” Ralph admits, his ears getting pink. 

Scott looks at him and gasps excitedly. “I beg, play one of your songs for us!” 

“Oh, codswallop, you don’t want to hear any of that!” You could fry something on the poor man’s ears, they were that red. 

Instead, in a bid to satiate everyone, you tell your Echo to play Queen, but it doesn’t recognise your voice, as you’d forgotten until this moment. Sighing in half-hearted frustration, you ask Ralph, “Can you ask it to just play Queen , please?” 

Ralph shuffles in his seat, shimmies his shoulders and grins proudly as he looks around all of your friends. “I’m the machine’s best friend, you know, it only wants to listen to me!” 

“He set it up to be locked on his voice?” Connor asks, amused. 

“And figured out he could use it to buy things,” you smile sarcastically, flicking your eyes over to a new pair of shoes sitting just by the door. 

“So it’s not you that’s suddenly into tap dancing, then? Shame,” Scott teases as you flip him off. 

“He did also order me those as an apology,” you gesture at the arrangement of a variety of flowers that sits on your coffee table. “Though off my account, so really it was a gift to and from myself.” 

“Do you all mind, please?” Ralph asks shortly, and you all fall silent. “Thank you.” He clears his throat. “Alexa, darling, be a gem and play some Queen music for my friends, won’t you, please?” 

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

He frowns, “My speech was quite clear, was it not?!” 

You squeeze your eyes shut as you pinch the bridge of your nose, to everyone else’s quiet titters. “Three words, mate. That’s all you need to say.” 

Ralph’s eyes widen with fear as he shakes his head. “That thing already knows how to do too much, once it gains full sentience, I want it to see me as an ally!” 

“Then just add a single please at the end,” you explain, resigned, which he does to his own chagrin. 

While Ralph doesn’t know any of the songs, obviously, he does seem to be enjoying listening out for how chord progressions go and trying to play along with them. He seems at peace with the instrument. It’s very sweet to watch. 

Connor pulls you out of your trance by loudly exclaiming from behind you, “Speaking of good old fashioned lover boys!” You cringe at your friend’s segue, terrified at what that could insinuate. “Hey Ralphie, have you managed to pull yet?" 

He looks at you, confused, and mouths, Pull?

You roll your eyes and shake your head before addressing your friend again. "Ralph's had enough to learn just being here, and besides, I am not laying out here while he goes at it with some stranger in my bed, thank you!" You can't even think about Ralph kissing anyone else, let alone… No. Absolutely not. 

When you look back over at Ralph, his ears resemble a pair of Polish flags. “Gadzooks, certainly not! I couldn’t - I would never - not even - that would take months of courting!” 

Your warning stares at your friends to not laugh at the word gadzooks doesn’t last through the mention of courting. “It’s… A bit different around here these days, Ralph. You know those things on your phone, the apps?” He nods. “And how there’s apps for everything?” Another nod. “Well, there are apps that help you connect with potential… Suitors,” even you have to bite your lip as you try to translate the likes of Tinder into Ralphspeak. “You make a profile with photos and a description of yourself, and you look at other peoples profiles to see if you like them. If you both like each other, you can talk to each other and arrange to see each other from there.” 

Ralph looks entirely perplexed, but he still hands his phone over to an excited Scott. “Right, do we use a photo from his Insta that’s already doing numbers? That way we know what’s gonna be the best received.” 

Grace shakes her head, “Nah, anyone who recognises him will just think it’s a catfish.” 

Ralph leans close to you to ask quietly, “Why would they -” 

“They’re not gonna think you’re a fish, Ralph,” you groan back in the same volume. “A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone else on the internet. So, what photo do we use?” You hope they don’t ask to look through your camera roll. You’re forever taking candids as potential shots for Ralph’s social media, but the ratio of photos you take versus ones you feel are good enough to post may give your friends ideas about just why you take so many photos of him. And you don’t need that to add even more complications to what is already the most bizarre two months of your life. 

“Definitely a brand new one, right off the bat,” Grace nods. 

“Could we not use one that already exists that nobody’s seen? Anyone got any of those?” Connor asks. You quickly shake your head, keeping your phone out of sight. He frowns, “All I’ve got is group photos.” 

“Oh, never have a group photo as your first one,” Anna shakes her head. “Why don’t we just let Ralph choose how to have his first photo, without our judgement? It’s his profile, after all.” 

Despite their complaints, the others agree to let Ralph decide what photo he should take, though you do suggest that perhaps he change out of his Pokémon pyjamas first. Your friends are quick to hurry him, reminding him that he only really needs to change his top half. 

The sight that befalls you within the next twenty minutes is arguably one of your most favourite Ralph moments. There he stands, against the back wall in your flat, wearing a smart polo shirt with bottoms that are adorned with Bulbasaurs, Squirtles and Charmanders; and after having plucked out a rose from the arrangement of flowers that he’d ordered for you and inspecting it for a while, Ralph had decided that the most charming way to pose with it would be to put it between his lips. You and your friends all look to each other to silently react without Ralph catching on, and everyone seems to silently agree that the best way to do so is to stare at Anna in a way that lets her know she’s entirely responsible for this, which she takes from everyone quite happily. It puts you at ease that all your friends are just accepting him as merely being a bit quirky, rather than anything suspicious. 

Scott takes the official photos, and you’re happily documenting the behind the scenes for it all to look back on someday. Or later that night. Who’s to say? After Scott deems that the perfect shot has been taken, you all crowd around to decide what else to include. Connor comes up with the idea of creating a slideshow presentation in which you all contribute to help “sell” Ralph. He agrees to it quite happily, putting faith in everyone else’s knowledge of the modern dating world over his own lack thereof. 

After much deliberation, and some creative brainstorming amongst the five of you, you create the perfect Tinder profile for him: 

Once it’s all uploaded, Connor and Anna teach Ralph how to use the app, showing him how to read bios, look through others’ photos and ultimately swipe either way on them. Ralph still finds it all unusual to judge people so superficially, but Grace assures him from a distance that it’ll come with time. 

While the idea of Ralph having a Tinder account did seem funny to you at the time, something doesn’t sit right in the bottom of your stomach. The idea of Ralph dating? Hilarious. The reality of it? Of him finding someone he’s attracted to, of him falling in love with someone els- someone, of him leaving you and the flat to start a life with them? How would you explain Ralph’s situation to them? What if they wanted to get married, have a family? The thought of Ralph becoming someone else’s husband just doesn’t compute. Maybe this was a bad idea after all, maybe once everyone’s gone home you can scare him away from it. But then, who are you to deny Ralph a little fun while he’s here? Surely, dating around might be a good experience for him, especially around the new friends he’s made. It’d be a good confidence booster for when he returns to his own time. It might even teach him not to fall as fast and hard for people as he did for Lauren. Or to be the kind of person that wins her back. Whatever he wants. The pros of him dating massively outweigh the cons, but there’s still something in your heart of hearts warning you against it. 

At the end of the day, you tell yourself, Ralph is a grown man. Only he can decide if he is ready to date someone. It’s your job, as his friend, to support him even with all his… Extra stuff. 

The gang suggests going out for a late lunch, but as you prove by gesturing to your own questionably mismatched outfit, you’d originally hoped you could take today as a laundry day. It's too late to start now, though; with the sheer amount you've got to get through, it's a full-day devotion, and now that you're all ramped up from the day's events, there's no possible way you could focus on something as mundane as washing your clothes. Instead, you all order in and pass time with some games while Ralph happily strums away in the background. 

You occasionally pick up on him singing lyrics such as, “It’s easy to see yourself / through a negative lens / but it’s certainly harder / when surrounded by friends” and feel yourself welling up. As if the fact that he had changed into your favourite sweater of his, the blue mohair one that Connor had written that extra-cheesy joke about in Ralph’s profile, wasn’t enough to make your heart soar. He looks the very epitome of comfort right now. 

Then Ralph gets a notification. He’s got a match! He’s thrilled, bragging about how the app found his ideal match immediately, when Connor had been talking about being on it for several years by now. The rest of the group explain that Tinder is not a matchmaking service in the sense that he thinks, and that it simply means someone he’s swiped right on has done the same to him. Connor and Scott help him communicate in a succinct, non-Ralph way that allows him to quickly arrange a date for tomorrow. That knot in the depths of your stomach wrenches tighter, but you ignore it, for the sake of Ralph’s excitement. 

Connor encourages him to keep swiping still, in case he gets any more matches, and that way he can arrange even more dates! It takes Ralph a while to accustom to the modern world of dating, rather than just seeking out one person and “courting” them, as he would say, but he gets excited at the prospect of going out on dates. He doesn’t mention anything about any more matches, but he does lock himself in the bathroom for some time. You know that usually means he’s talking to his girl gang about important things; ever since that first night out, Ralph’s convinced himself that the only place to have a deep conversation with his new friends is anywhere that there’s a toilet, and quite frankly, the notion is too hilarious for you to correct him. Plus it gives him a little privacy, and you definitely don’t want him to keep relying on you for the entire duration of his stay in this era. 

That night, as you lay out on your sofa, wondering if your back will ever get used to a mattress again, you notice one particular notification buried amongst the others: 

Tinder Someone has Super Liked you! Find out who. 

You admittedly hadn’t been swiping for a hot minute, yourself - you’ve been somewhat preoccupied with a whole new flatmate to worry about - but since it was the topic of the day, you figure you’ll bite. A few ordinary profiles show up, but none of them take your fancy. Even the cute ones, their bios are just so… Dry . And then you see it. The profile that Super Liked you, the blue border perfectly coordinating with the artwork that hangs on the wall behind you. 

~~~ 

The following morning, Ralph awakens earlier than usual. He’s excited about his date tonight, and still conflicted about something else that had happened last night. He looks through the group chat app again to remind himself of his friends’ advice: 

If you don’t say anything about it, neither will Ralph, but if you do, then it’s time to sit down and discuss these feelings like the adults you both are. That’s what he tells himself. 

Ralph takes a deep breath before opening the door from the bedroom into the main part of the flat. You’re in the kitchen area, finishing off your breakfast with a duffel bag full of clothes resting on the counter. It appears that almost all of your clothes must be in there, since you’ve resorted to wearing one of Ralph’s most favourite T-shirts that he’d picked out himself. The way that it fits your form so differently to Ralph captivates him into silence, and the fact that it almost covers your pyjama shorts entirely feels so scandalous to him. He has to stop looking, or else his mind will wander to uncouth places, but he just can’t . 

Not until you catch his eyesight and groan as you roll your own eyes at him. “Morning, Ralph! Don’t worry, I’ll make myself “decent” now that you’re out, I think I’ve got some yoga pants shoved in the back of the wardrobe from that one New Year when I was convinced I would join the gym,” your voice disappears as you walk past him and shut the door behind you. 

Ralph makes himself some cereal, once again telling himself that he has to stop living in this secret. Especially if he’s to pursue other people. 

You re-emerge from the bedroom, now wearing bottoms that cover your entire legs, but they may as well not at all be, with how little they leave to the imagination. You ask, “Oh yeah, by the way, did you… Happen to find my profile on Tinder last night? Because I think you must have swiped up instead of left, and Super Liked me by accident.” 

“Accident!” Ralph exclaims hurriedly, squeezing his eyes shut and open again, and clenching and releasing his fist repeatedly, desperate to change his focus onto anything else. “Yes, that's entirely what that was, I’m so glad we cleared that up! Aha! I suppose I should get ready for my date now!” 

You frown, “That’s not for hours yet, and Scott said he’d take you to get ready while I - don't forget your cereal!” You call out after him as he rushes back into the bathroom but the door closes behind him before you can finish your sentence. You write on the whiteboard that you keep on your fridge that you’re going to be at the laundromat for most of the day doing your laundry, but that Scott is arriving at 12 o’clock to take him out clothes shopping and to help him get ready, as you’ll be busy. You leave him your bank card to take with him on his big date, and wish him well before heading out of the door. 

Ralph rests his phone against the bathroom wall, goes onto the only group he trusts himself to keep on WhatsApp and hits the video call button before immediately pacing the room. One by one, his friends pick up, all asking various questions. 

“What happened?”

“Did you talk about it?”

“Are you okay?”

“Did you have an argument?”

Ralph blinks harshly again, his arms gesticulating with a deliberate wildness to them. “You all remember that the plan was, say nothing unless I’m spoken to, and then tell the truth, no matter what?” 

“Yeah…”

“Well, I may have been… Distracted. And I may have shouted that it was an accident and ran into here.” 

“Oh, babe, you didn’t.”

“Ralph!”

“We had a plan, hun! We mapped it all out!”

“I know, I know!” Ralph holds his hands on top of his head. “I was so ready, I was telling myself the plan over and over, and then… Well, it’s so-called laundry day, and I’ve had more time to get mine done and so my clothes were the only clean ones and -” 

“Oof, god, yeah. Once you see your crush wearing your clothes, it is game over.”

“Oh, Ralphie, what are we gonna do with you?”

“Well, the damage has been done, now. It’s probably best to just… I guess, either try and get over how you’re feeling, or wait until another opportunity arises. If it does.”

“Yeah, honestly, babes, I’d say cut your losses for the day and focus on your big date tonight, that’s so exciting for you!”

“Oh my god, you’re gonna tell us everything, aren’t you?”

Ralph sighs, rubs his eyes and puts on a small smile. “Yes, of course I will. Thank you all for being my voices of reason, I do appreciate you.” 

“Anytime, my lovely. Now, tell us all about this date. Where is it you’re going?”

“Well, Scott knows the location, but apparently it’s some kind of cocktail bar that plays swing and jazz and all the music that I like! I do hope there’ll be dancing,” he places his elbow on the sink to rest his head wistfully onto his fist, to an adoring chorus from the girls. They all sign off, wishing Ralph the best, and he hangs up, too. Right, Penbury, he tells himself, there’s nothing more you can do. You’ve messed up one more avenue of your love life, let’s not let it ruin another. 

Instead, he focuses on his date tonight. He knows the exact look he wants to go for. And so, despite the comments he gets on how nice he looks, he just can’t justify having facial hair with such a smart outfit in mind. 

Scott almost doesn’t recognise him, and calls Ralph “baby face” all day. It’s not his favourite nickname, but he’s been called worse. Scott helps him to pick out a nice suit with a bow tie - Scott had had the audacity to suggest Ralph wear a neck tie, for crying out loud - that Ralph liked because it reminded him of a suit he had back at home. Light tan in colour, with pinstripes down it. Just like his everyday going out suit. Scott had turned his nose up at it, but had admitted that “vintage” isn’t his style, anyway. Ralph had wanted to get a straw boater to really complete the look, but Scott wouldn't let him wear it past taking a photo. 

Ralph gets ready at Scott’s apartment, a little more upscale than the flat, but he shares it with his partner. Ralph had only met him a few times, but he was always absolutely besotted with everything Ralph had to say, and Ralph couldn’t deny that he loved the attention. It was always Victoria that everyone wanted. But not here. People know the name Ralph here. Not The Penbury Boy, not Victoria’s Brother, or That Other One. Not Creepy Stalker. Just Ralph. 

Scott and his partner help preen Ralph for his big night out at Ralph’s request, but they both audibly groan when he teaches them the hairstyle his old staff would give him - though of course, he omitted the involvement of any “staff” from his explanation. 

“First the beard, and now you want me to gel down the curls? You’re killing me here, Ralphie. Literally taking years off my life,” Scott frowns as he pats down Ralph’s hair. 

“I shall remember you fondly,” Ralph jokes, making Scott’s partner laugh. 

“Rude!” Scott scoffs jokingly. “You’ve spent too much time with that flatmate of yours.” 

Ralph’s heart still sinks thinking about his blunder this morning. Instead, he goes back to teasing Scott by composing an obituary as he styles his hair for him. 

After a few final looks in the mirror, Ralph feels as though he’s gone back in time, as though the last 6 weeks had never happened. Another wave of sadness befalls him at that thought, but he pushes it aside. His nerves are a calling card for any negativity to overwhelm him, and he was determined to have a good time. 

Scott walks him to the bar and waits outside with him until someone recognises him. As an extra measure to protect him from any radical internet followers, Scott borrows Ralph's phone to corroborate that he's definitely meeting his date, returns the phone back to Ralph with the reminder to ring you first and him second if anything happens, and bids the pair adieu. 

Once he's gone, Ralph greets his companion for the evening by taking her hand and gently dusting her knuckles with his lips. She looks him up and down strangely, turning her nose up as she pulls back her hand slowly. Ralph could do the same, she certainly isn’t dressed for the occasion, but he won’t, because he’s a gentleman.

She does try to make the effort to get to know Ralph, at first. Making small talk about how he came to this part of London, he tells her he was simply looking to get away from his old life. She asks him what he does for a living, and seems to judge him again for saying that he was yet to find employment. 

She lets him buy her a martini, despite him having ordered that with the intention of drinking it. She seemed to already be judging him for potentially ordering that drink for himself, so he ordered one of the only other drinks he knows that he likes - a double whiskey and lemonade, courtesy of Scott himself. She doesn’t seem to disapprove, at least. 

Barely anybody in this place seems to be in the spirit of things. They’re all just standing. Talking. There’s a very sweet older couple in the corner who are dancing away, that Ralph watches wistfully. He gestures over to them, looking at his date. “Rather lovely,” he notes. “Do you dance, at all?” 

“Not like that,” she shakes her head. 

“Would you like me to show you?” He asks excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

She rubs her arm awkwardly. “I’m good, thanks. Nobody else is doing it, it’d be weird if we started.” 

“Right. Right, of… Of course it would,” Ralph falters, dejected. 

“I need to use the ladies’ room,” his date states plainly. 

Ralph nods, “Of course, I shall be waiting right here!” 

As she walks away from him, Ralph decides he can still smooth things over by buying her another drink. He buys himself another double whiskey lemonade, for liquid courage, and the lady another martini, and returns to the spot he promised he’d wait for her. 

And he waits. 

And he waits. 

He sips his drink. 

And he waits. 

When he finally turns around to ask a member of staff to check on her, he’s met with many a sympathetic look. Ralph may not know a lot about dating in the modern age, but he knows that look when he sees it a mile off. Downing both the whiskey mix and the martini, he finds a quiet corner and takes out his phone. 

~~~ 

You’d been a fool for going to the laundromat in October with just Ralph’s T-shirt and a light jacket on. Being in a heated building means nothing if the front door is being left open all the damn time. Checking the time on your machines, you deduce that you just about have enough time to drive back, very quickly grab an extra layer and drive back. 

Rushing into your flat, you look around for anything that you could throw on that’s within arm’s reach. Nothing in the living area. Nothing in the kitchen area. Nothing in the bathroom. Desperate, you burst into the bedroom and you see it.

You’ve loved that blue jumper of Ralph’s from the moment you’d first seen it on him. You’d called it his Cookie Monster jumper, though of course that went over his head. It’s always looked so soft, and he’s forever burying his face in his arms when he wears it. It’s sickeningly adorable to be around. You’ve always wished you could experience its comfort for yourself, but Ralph would never let it out of his sight, and you very rarely get the opportunity to offer Ralph a hug without it potentially causing any more confusion in the nature of your friendship with him; certainly never so while he has ever worn the jumper. 

And so you jump at the chance to finally experience it for yourself. Throwing it on, not only are you immediately comforted with the soft sensation against your skin, but a familiar smell wafts around you. The ultimate makeup of the olfactory cocktail that is Ralph Penbury’s signature smell. 

You wonder how he’s getting on as you rush back out to your car. Whether he’s picked his outfit or if Scott’s moulded him in his own image. Whether he’s excited, scared, confident. Whether he plans on kissing her at the end of the night. 

You hit the steering wheel with the heel of your hand. Why are you worrying about these things? You never do when Connor, Grace or Anna go out. Perhaps it’s because you’re so used to being on 24/7 Ralph alert that not having him around keeps you on edge. But he’s bound to go home soon. And then you’ll be in this Ralph-less void all the time. That’s far, far worse a fate. And yet, cruelly, it’s the inevitable one. 

You make it just in time for the washing machine to chime. Throwing your clothes into the industrial sized dryer, you sit and scroll through your phone. You check the numbers of Ralph’s last Instagram photo, and end up reading through the comments from all of his little fans. None of them know that he could disappear off of social media at a moment’s notice. 

Except, now he could never truly disappear. Whenever he goes back, whenever his fifteen minutes of internet fame are up, he’s left his permanent mark on the world. On you, your friends, even all these people. Though they only see Ralph superficially. They see his photos, and his twitter presence, and they think they know him, especially since he learned how to reply to people when they would ask him questions. Sure, they know that he prefers strawberry ice cream, and that his favourite Gilmore Girls character is Paris, but they don’t know that he ties his shoes with bunny ears. They don't get to see that no matter how wild his bed hair is in the morning, one curl always falls across his forehead. They don’t know that he smells like citrus with an extra whiff of cinnamon. 

You bury your face beneath the sweater you’re wearing and breathe in deeply. An elderly woman looks at you fondly, and you bring yourself back to reality, sitting upright and switching to a puzzle game on your phone instead. You're already fooling yourself with these delusions of imagining a life where Ralph's a more permanent fixture. You can't be letting the locals believe it, too. That's just for you. 

Once your laundry's dry, you quickly fold it as neat as you can back into the bag you'd brought with you and throw the bag into the back of your car. Once you’re home, you just can’t find the energy to unpack it all. And besides, putting it away in your bedroom furniture only means you have access to it whenever Ralph isn’t there. Perhaps it’s better to keep these clothes out here in the living room, anyway. 

You laugh to yourself as you go to the kitchen to find enough things to cook together to make a decent meal. If you’d have been told 3 months ago that in the very near future, you’d be living out of a bag, sleeping on your own sofa, all for the sake of a man that you’d just met, you’d have never believed them. And yet, here you are. 

Once your food is made, you settle on your sofa and find something new to watch - because heaven forbid you watch one of your ongoing series without Ralph, he’d be giving you the silent treatment for the rest of the night. 

You wonder how his evening is going. He should be at the bar by now. No word from Scott, though you wouldn’t exactly expect him to check in with you about Ralph’s date. Although perhaps a photo in the group chat wouldn’t have gone amiss. No word from Ralph, either. 

You’re rooting for the iguana on your screen to outrun the predators that chase it, despite David Attenborough commentating his lack of faith, and it’s just escaped a tight bind as your phone rings. A particular jarring photo of your flatmate smiling his animatronic-esque fake smile fills your screen, along with the word “rALPH”. 

You answer, “This better be an emergency, I’m on high alert right now.” 

“Alert? In what way?”

“I’ve got an iguana I’m trying to save from some killer snakes, it’s life or death here, Ralphie.” 

“Ah, right! You’re watching one of those programmes about nature again.”

“Everything alright? You sound… Sad.” 

“Yes, well…”

“How’s your date going?” 

“It, um… It rather isn’t.”

“What?!” 

“She - She told me she was going to the women’s room. Approximately forty minutes ago.”

“Oh, Ralph. You should have called sooner!" 

“And this place is nothing like I had thought it would be, nobody is giving it the respect it deserves, I’m the only one appropriately dressed and yet somehow I am the one who sticks out like a sore thumb!”

“Okay, okay, it’s alright, mate. Get to the toilet, get yourself all sorted out, I'm on my way. Make sure you’re in the right one this time, too!” 

“Ha-ha. Very funny.”

“Oh, I know I am. I’ll be there as soon as I can, alright?” 

While you’re still not quite ready to say goodbye to the sweater just yet, you do fish out a far nicer lower half of an outfit to go with it, before heading out the door and following Google Maps’ directions to this bar. 

When you enter, you look around trying to find your friend. The first scan yields no results. Neither does the second. You’re about to take your phone out to call him again when you notice a very sad, very baby-faced Ralph talking to a bartender. He looks just like he did when you first met him - without the coffee you’d spilled over his back, of course. 

You speed your pace up as you head towards him, and he doesn’t even notice you approaching until you pat his arm. He looks close to tears when he makes eye contact with you, and you immediately pull him into a hug. That clean, citrusy scent of his gets stronger as he wraps himself around you. When you start to relent, he doesn’t. With a small chuckle of defeat, you return to hugging him tightly again. 

Eventually he lets go, and so you do as well, rubbing his arm comfortingly as you pull away. “You look dapper,” you comment, “really smart.” 

Ralph wrinkles his nose up as he waves you off, “It’s… Really not as appropriate here as I thought.” 

“Codswallop!” You grin, putting on your best Ralph voice, which makes him smile, too. “Best dressed one here, hands down.” 

“I do seem to be a style icon of yours,” he muses, poking at the sweater. “It’s very becoming on you.” 

“Thanks, Ralphie,” you smile, trying desperately not to blush. Instead, you pull the sleeves over your hands and ask, “You still got my card?” He nods and fumbles through his pockets to grab it and hand it to you. You lean over the bar to order two of your usual drink, and one martini for Ralph. 

The bartender hisses through their teeth. “You sure? He’s already had one along with the others, he doesn’t seem in a good place to be mixing his drinks too much tonight.” 

You frown, “Oh, then sure, whatever he’s been having, get him another one of those.” 

You smile at the impact Scott’s clearly had on Ralph with his change in drink choice. Clinking your glass with his, you finish both of your drinks in the time he finishes his one, to try and catch up with him. 

As he swills the remaining ice cubes around the bottom of his glass, a high-energy song starts to play. You grin as you outstretch your hand, “Wanna put our kitchen dance lessons to the test with me?” 

Ralph looks at you sceptically, but his excitement is palpable. “Oh, heavens, we’d be the only ones dancing!” 

You shrug, “So? We’d be the only ones doing it right, everyone else would be the weird ones.” 

Ralph nods, “Very well,” and takes your hand. You don’t see it as you’re leading him to the dance floor area, but he’s putting all his energy into not looking completely giddy with happiness. 

The two of you dance together for several songs, swinging and twirling and laughing away. You nudge Ralph to show him that you’d even inspired some other coupl- other pairs of people , you correct yourself, not wanting to slip up and accidentally refer to yourself and Ralph as a couple in front of him. Other pairs of people are now dancing just like you two were. Ralph looks around in awe just as the music slows considerably. 

He looks at you with uncertainty, squeezing his eyes and his hands as he does when he’s conflicted or trying to correct himself, though he’s yet to say anything to you. “May I - I mean, we - would you like to - we could stop now, if you like, or -” 

You cut Ralph off by placing your hands on his shoulders. He places his ever so tentatively on your hips as you sway from side to side together. “Thank you,” he mutters to you. 

“Well, you seemed close to having a stroke over getting your words out, figured I had a good shot at guessing what you wanted before I had to call for help!” 

He chuckles softly, “Not just for that. For… Everything, really. Over the last two months. I really haven’t shown you the proper gratitude.” 

“I’ve not been keeping you around for gratitude’s sake, Ralph,” you shake your head. “You’re not that bad to be around, you know,” you smirk. “I’m sorry that girl didn’t see that in you. But I’m proud of you for trying!” 

“I don’t think I want to try much more,” he tells you quietly. 

“Don’t blame you. I gave up a while ago, myself,” you admit. “But you did it! I bet the Ralph I first met wouldn’t have done this.” 

“I am quite the changed man, thanks to you,” he says with a small smile. 

“You sure don’t look it at the moment! I don’t know who this is, but I’m looking forward to getting Ralph back when we’re home.” 

He frowns, “But this is how I always looked before I met you!” 

“I know, but it just doesn’t… Suit you. Not like your new look. I mean, I guess if you go back in time looking like The New Ralph, everyone back there would think otherwise, but… I dunno,” you shrug your shoulders. “This doesn’t feel like the real Ralph.” Recalling a conversation you’d had with him a couple of weeks ago about how he was perceived back in his time, you add, “This is just That Penbury Boy.” 

“I like that you all see a side of me that you don’t mind having around,” Ralph admits bashfully. “And I like spending time with you - all.” 

“We love having you around too,” you grin. “But I am being serious, I’ll hold your head under the bathroom sink here if we don’t get that shit washed out of your hair soon.” 

Ralph laughs, stepping out of the hold to extend his arm out to you. You take it and walk out of the building with him. 

You laugh at the ooh! that comes out from him as you step out into the brisk air. “Yeah, all that whiskey finally kicking in?” You ask with amusement. 

Ralph shakes his head, blowing a raspberry sound out into the air. “Just a tad!” 

“I’m excited to see what Whiskey Ralph is like,” you muse, still keeping your arm around his as you lead him down the street. 

He frowns, “Are there different versions of me based on what I drink?!” 

“Different versions of Drunk Ralph, yeah,” you grin. “Martini Ralph is super sociable. Vodka Ralph, an emotional wreck. We stay away from vodka,” you warn, and he nods, remembering the shot he had taken weeks ago and shuddering again. “And from what you’ve told me, Champagne Ralph really loved to party.” 

“Oh, I do so wish you could have been there for a Penbury social!” Ralph muses. “They were always such a blast to plan. I just… Sometimes I wish that Victoria let me be the “main event” host rather than the “planning” one.” 

“Well, when you go back, you can down a couple of martinis, tell her to shove it, and then throw the greatest bash Penbury House will see before it gets filled with tote bag-carrying indie kids and grandmas hiding romance novels between murder mysteries,” you laugh, though it’s strained. You know it’s only fair to make sure you’re both still actively talking about him returning home, but that doesn’t make it sting any less. 

Ralph gives you a small smile, “I’m not so sure about that. I think it’s far more than a few drinks that make me the man that I am while I’m here.” The way he bites his lip back bashfully would have you holding him by the cheeks and kissing it back, were you a couple more drinks in. He quietens after that, and you simply allow him to stay in that moment rather than pressing him as to what exactly he means. 

Once you’re back home once again, you change back into comfortable pants while Ralph washes his hair under the shower. You also finally look at your phone’s notifications to see a lot of activity in the group chat: 

Ralph re-emerges wearing another jumper and some sweats, but instead of sitting at his usual spot on the other end of the sofa to you, he sits far nearer and leans himself onto you. “Hello,” he greets simply, a dopey grin smeared across his face. 

You cock your head as you smile softly at him. “Hello, cuddly-drunk Whiskey Ralph.” 

“Is that what it is?” He asks, his voice slurring a little. “Do you mind?” 

“Nah, just give me my arm back,” you tease as you move so that your arm is no longer trapped beneath him, instead draping it where it’s most comfortable - which just happens to be over his body. 

You show Ralph the things everyone has been saying in the group chat, and he smiles into your torso. "Can I expect this jumper back any time soon, by the way?"

You grin down at him, "Yeah, you can have it back when it stops smelling like you. It's too nice to give up."

His ears burn pink as he gently settles further down until his head rests in your lap. “Do you want to see if your iguana made it out safely?” 

“Oh, yeah! Here, I’ll restart the episode for you, I need you to care about this lizard as much as I do.” 

Commentating alongside the documentary with Ralph proves a far more entertaining watch than before, and you both cheer as you watch the iguana finally climb up some rocks to the safety of its friend. At some point, your fingers end up absent-mindedly stroking back and forth through his hair, and you notice his chest starting to heave up and down heavier than usual. Leaning over, you see his lower lip move in and out ever so slightly with each breath as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful, and you could honestly keep him here forever. But, realistically, you can’t feel your legs and your body will certainly be unforgiving over you sleeping while sat upright. 

You gently prod at Ralph all over until he wakes up. “Hmm, what?” 

“Eh, what, what,” you tease, once again putting on your ‘posh voice’ before returning to your usual cadence. “C’mon, if you’re gonna sleep, go do it in a bed, please.” 

“Of course,” he mumbles wearily. 

When he stands up, you realise something with a laugh. “Oh, no! Oh, I’ve done a real number on your hair, look at it!” 

Ralph reaches up and pats his wildly spread curls with a sleepy smile. He faces you, then turns to the bedroom door, then back to you. He repeats this a few times, and just before you can ask, he shakes his head. “Goodnight. Sleep well.” 

“You too, Ralphie,” you grin as you push yourself around by your fists to lay across the sofa for the night. 

When you wake up, Ralph is yet again trending on Twitter. Wondering what on earth he could have done, you’re horrified when you see paparazzi-ish photos of Ralph with you as you both danced last night. The original tweet with the photos going around has the caption, “Pack it up, girlies, Hot Ralph is taken” 

Making sure your current account is most definitely still set to private, you make a new one under the name @RalphsFlatmate. You tweet an old selfie of you and Ralph with the caption, “hi, ralph stans. just here to remind you that sometimes people can be just friends and that’s it. please don’t take my photo without my consent in future. kinda insane that i have to ask that but here we are. cheers x” 

Once Ralph is awake, you borrow his phone to retweet yourself onto his profile to make sure people see it and get ready for work, dreading what is now to come with also being perceived on the internet. 

next chapter

[brotheralyosha]

Last month, Know Your Meme put together a very excellent report on the origin of memes over the last decade. And, as I wrote last month, while I have a few quibbles with tracking memes specifically by where they originate, which sort of ignores the cross-platform lifecycles of internet trends, I do think Know Your Meme’s research is useful.

Most data on the health or activity of a social network comes down to comparing daily or monthly active users. Which is fair enough. The assumption that I’m sure most companies involved with online advertising have is that an active social network must be a successful one. But what I think the Know Your Meme report illustrates so well is that we’re now currently in a world where we have two different kinds of social platforms: Ones that make new culture and ones that consume that culture. And, according to the report, the two most important platforms for creating new internet culture (which is now just pop culture) are Twitter and TikTok.

In fact, according to Know Your Meme, about 60% of the memes we’ve seen in 2022 were created by Twitter or TikTok. And the three biggest apps behind those two —YouTube, Reddit, and Instagram — all trail far behind, contributing around 10% each. And if these current trends continue, it’s likely that by next year TikTok will outpace Twitter. In fact, we’ve entered a new interesting moment where it’s usually unclear whether people on Twitter are talking about something because it’s on TikTok or if people on TikTok are talking about something because it’s on Twitter. Soon it won’t be. Very shortly, every platform on the internet will be completely downstream of TikTok.

The internet will become a place to talk about what’s being talked about on the app, just in the same way that over the last five yers, most of America’s national conversation was determined by Twitter’s trending topics. But this isn’t the first time this has happened.

Over the years, there have been lots of platforms that have assumed the role of the “the front page of the internet”. Sites like Reddit, Digg, Facebook, 4chan for a brief second, YouTube, Snapchat have all had phases where they felt like they were the main artery of the zeitgeist. Interesting aside — with TikTok’s current ascendence and Meta’s continuing existential crisis, depending on how things shake out over the next couple years, it’s possible that the January 6 Insurrection will be looked back on as the last time Facebook activity mattered irl.

The fact that an app like TikTok is about to become the number one app in America is notable for a few reasons, though. There’s obviously the fact it’s owned by a Chinese company, which seems to be making Silicon Valley feel very uncomfortable in an interesting echo of how every tech company (and government) around the world felt when American platforms were running amok in their backyards. But also TikTok is mechanically different from Facebook or Twitter.

It has easily the most aggressively personalized algorithm we’ve ever seen in a social platform. Its For You Page uses machine learning to react in almost real-time, following signals about you’re watching to offer more or less depending on how you navigate the app. A TikTok video shouldn’t be thought of as one piece content, but as a series of inputs to be analyzed by the platform’s artificial intelligence — the caption, the hashtag, the length of the video, the audio, the filters used, the comments, the accounts the commenters follow, the accounts you follow, etc. All of it creates branches of recommendations to offer you.

And, bucking a trend among apps like Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, it’s becoming easier to search TikTok, not harder. A year ago, while working on this newsletter, if I saw a TikTok video on Twitter or Tumblr and the user ID was cropped off, chances are I wouldn’t be able to ever find it again. Now, I can search some description of most videos and find them pretty quickly.

But for people who do not closely follow TikTok — of which there are still many — culture will continue to feel more and more random and confusing. You can see this in the way TikTok “algospeak” has spread to other platforms, with words like “Unalive” becoming a now very common thing to see within particularly twee pockets of the internet. And readers ask me about inscrutable TikTok trends all the time. Most recently, a reader named George sent me an email last week about a weird and confusing TikTok trend where people were posting videos of “fastest workers”. Here’s a supercut from 2020. I also suspect this is contributing to the death of the influencer, as recently noted by Embedded, and the rise of the influencer-worker. It’s not particularly interesting to just be an influencer on TikTok, but it is interesting to follow someone who does something. Perhaps this is also connected to the “faster workers” trend.

But this creeping feeling that to not “be on TikTok” is to somehow not understand what’s going on anymore is spreading. In fact, I came across a Tumblr post that I thought articulated this idea pretty perfectly.

“Frequently, I’ll see a post here that’s like ‘as a society, we all need to stop engaging in the very common [activity/ behavior/ perspective that I have never once heard about in my life]’ and I’ll feel confused at first because this post will be treating this extremely niche unheard-of topic like it’s universal,” Tumblr user keplercryptids wrote. “And then I remember that I am not on TikTok. So many takes on this site are direct responses to what’s popular on TikTok and I am so happy to live in ignorance tbh.”

The question is, how long will you be able to live in ignorance as more and more of the machinery of our culture becomes branches for TikTok to analyze and optimize around?

[ponett]

I've only been on newgrounds recently but it seems ok and I haven't seen people say anything bad about it, what's rancid there that I haven't seen yet? Also what is this new cohost site everyone is talking about? I can't tell if it's more like twitter or tumblr, or if it's gonna be like pillowfort where everyone forgets about it eventually

i am 28 years old and used to go on newgrounds every day in middle and high school and i have no desire to do so anymore. you're allowed to use it. many people do. i know the type of Big Name Internet Personality that comes from newgrounds, the kind of people who never quite outgrew their south park phase, and that's not the crowd i like to hang around. i also think that so many nsfw artists moving there after the tumblr porn ban is foolish when everyone knows the userbase of newgrounds is mostly teenage boys. and frankly, as an artist, i hate that it still runs on having people write 1- to 5-star reviews on your submissions. i do not need to see that one drawing of mine got 4.55 stars while another got 4.6. that is meaningless to me

cohost is being pitched as a place for twitter refugees to go right now because of the musk buyout and because most users heard about it via leftist twitter, but it isn't really designed to be a replacement for twitter. it was designed to be a "fourth website" - a low-pressure, slower-paced, more chill site with no algorithm and no ads that you can check from time to time on top of the sites you already use, with a layout inspired mainly by tumblr. it reinforces this vibe by hiding most stats from view. follower counts are hidden like on here, but so are note counts, with the only visible stat being the number of comments on a post so that you can tell if someone added a new one. you aren't encouraged to constantly refresh to watch the numbers go up, there are no trending topics, there's no endless scrolling, you can just post and share what you want to and check up on it at a couple times every day

the staff also understands how people actually use these sites in practice and how certain features shape user behavior, so it cuts down on features that end up being tools for harassment. there are no quote tweets, just tumblr-style reblog comments and replies. people can't @ you randomly to put unhinged shit in your notifications. people can't dig through your likes for dirt. the search feature only lets you search tags, not post body content, so there are no term searchers. there's currently no ask box or DMs. (i enjoy answering tumblr asks, but it'd be insane to deny how much they've been used for harassment throughout the history of this site)

i'm not the most active on there currently, but it's refreshing imo. it's small scale, but that's the point, and it's already developing a culture of its own. for example, they let you put custom css and scripting in your posts (within reason), so people do wacky stuff like making the text go diagonal or putting a playable game of minesweeper in the post. this has been described as a "cambrian explosion of posting" that imo helps elevate it beyond the many attempts at Tumblr 2.0

[klapollo]

ok so. there's this account on twitter called pizza dad. now saying that, i'm pretty sure there are multiple ones being run by the same person. and every day, for months if not years now, this account hops into every trending topic to make a post with one of about a dozen go-to reaction videos. whenever a celebrity trends they post "me checking twitter to see if [celebrity] is okay" with that video of the guy running down the escalator

now here's the thing. theyre obviously doing this to farm engagement. but for one, these posts RARELY do big numbers. and despite this desperate constant posting the account itself has less than 2000 followers after six years on twitter. which leads into my other thing -- this guy was doing this LONG before paid engagement was a thing. and there are several accounts who make very similar posts with very similar setups. and i just wonder. are these the same person. why are they sitting around on twitter doing this all day. whats their story.

[goldenhickeysandramen]

The never ending hate

Now we will be left to wonder if the video in the cinema that we all saw yesterday was edited, or was the first attempt to make the fanchant, because there are different views going around.

I don't care. What is certain is that it is not the first time that we have seen public displays of disrespect to Jimin, which are not contestable by the armys present.

I am aware that twitter is only a small portion of the fandom, and that the anonymity of the accounts gives enough comfort to be aggressive and malicious.  But it seems that twitter, in numbers, might also be a small representation of what's out there :(

(anyway.. I'm going to remain positive and think that's not the case, and that the army out of there is a better fandom than what I see on twitter daily).

Yesterday, however, it was incredible to see numerous accounts coming to threaten me for posting (in response to that vid) that Jimin had the best fanboy at home. 

Many were PJMs, though I wouldn't be surprised if they were taek00kers too (solo stans are a bit of a rare species, don't rule it out). They also blamed us (jikook supporters) for the hate towards Jimin.

Then the medium-sized OT7 accounts came to talk about SHIP WARS  - you'll never see the big ones cause watch out! they might lose followers! - 

They easily blamed us (jkkers) too. 

And then, the trending topics "we love you..." and "free...".. including, to my surprise, "we love you taek00k". That was the last straw!🤣

When they say "ships wars" they hold us responsible for the actions of some crazy people... and spread this message around the net, which reaches all those armys who need to get out the guns and protect the boys.... because yes, this fandom is full of many "protectors" and very few "supporters".

It's hilarious! Jikookers are going to be THAT minority in the future, guilty of hate to any member, to BTS, to the down of hayllu, to global warming and to the rise of oil prices.

Well, as long as Jimin and Jungkook are still here, with future projects, I'm still going to be part of the “resistance”... cause that's what we seem to be for now. ....🙄

And when they go away for a while, I just hope to rest... because I'm an adult, and I don't give a shit about a lot of things I read on twitter, but I promise you that the situation is starting to get so unfair and unbearable on weekly basis that it makes me want to send the fandom to hell.

[novelmachine]

Been looking for Twitter alternatives, and other social media sites in general. I'm on the waitlist for Bluesky. No idea when I'll see that, and I haven't heard much about it either. I signed up for CuriousCat for funsies, but I don't think it's what I was looking for. I likely won't use it much. Now on to the juicy stuff.

Last night I signed up for Threads and I already don't like it. Right now, there are zero ways to control your dashboard. Or much of anything, really. Just the basic functions of Instagram, but with words. I'll see one or two posts from people I follow before an endless stream of thoughts from people I don't know or care about. Seeing the 4,508,877th member badge on my Insta page, as it relates to Threads, just hammers home how we're all just pieces of data to get swallowed up by the conglomerate. Not even bothering to hide the fact that it's all a numbers game. The app itself is clunky, lacking soul and personality. It's so boring to look at. A lifeless machine, and all 30+ million users and growing are the franticly spinning cogs.

I've signed up for Pilowfort a little while ago and I like it so far. Its closer to Tumblr. Given that Tumblr is always on the brink of disappearing, it wouldn't hurt to have a back-up. There are posts for everyone to see that live on your blog, but there are also individual communities that act as forums. Posts can have individual comment sections, which I guess helps keep things on-topic. I'm going to slowly transition to cross-posting both old and new posts there. It seems promising, and the interactions I've had with other users thus far have been pleasant. I've already seen a few guides and helpful tips for the internet refugees.

Then there's Spoutible. It was touted as black-owned, having no algorithm, and having mods that handled hate speech and bigots swiftly and appropriately. Those are some green flags. They also have a cute little whale mascot, so all that combined had me. It is the closest to a Twitter clone I've come across so far. The interface is easy to understand and navigate. Posts are limited to 300 characters, and can include pictures, gifs, videos, and polls. There are a lot of safety measures for you to customize your experience to avoid malicious accounts. One being a rating system ranging from Normal to Problematic to help distinguish normies from bots. To post something is to "Spout Off." The trending topics page is titled "Making Waves." I like the vibes, and I believe this app has a lot of promise.

The truth is I've been kind of ambivalent to Twitter, even years before the Elon fiasco. When I first joined, it was for following my middle school and high school friends. After I graduated, those relationships fell off one by one. My dashboard morphed into a cascade of influencer updates and artist promotions. All I could offer was superficial consumption and meaningless life updates. Posting became a competition of who could be the funniest or who had the hottest take, and your whole psyche takes a hit when you just can't hack it. Maybe a restart was inevitable, and necessary for all of our sakes. I'll be taking Twitter off of my Linktree and other socials for the time being, and I don't see the point in linking any of these new socials until I've had enough time to play with them and figure things out.

TLDR: I'm not a tech genius. I simply operate on vibes. Bluesky is mysterious, more data needed. Threads is bloated and leans heavily on the algorithm. Pillowfort is a nice comfy space, just need to get used to it. Spoutible has potential and immaculate vibes.