#and the ren clip was so funny too

[sarovhs]

Not even the goat is immune to the good times

Plus: concrete grinding

[neurotic-sinkhole]

as someone who has worked in courtrooms and actively is in law school i. i just have to talk about the cleo v doc case.

i finally got around to watching doc's entire POV after being too busy. i saw clips over and over again that were just calling my name. and oh boy did the full vid not dissapoint. my mouth was wide open the whole time in both shock and laughter. surprisingly, some of the proceedings of the court were accurate to typical US court proceedings!

here's a list of events and actions that stood out to me for their questionable realism:

- skizz's opening line was pretty accurate to how most plaintiff/prosecutions begin -"your honor, opposing council, members of the jury"

- most courts don't let you... submit evidence in opening statements but i love the hustle skizz!!

- honestly skizz's entire opening statement would have had a jury on his side

- but no jury? this would be a jury case

- honestly joe's baby defense i could see playing out in court

- joe really held up the batshit defense arguments stereotype and i love that for us 🧡

- arguing in opening to have the case dismissed... baby that time has passed. not even discovery can save you now

- i get the feeling neither joe nor doc knew the plaintiff was going to call witnesses which is not only major illegal but also so fucking funny

- this is the type of questioning a proffessor would show what leading a witness looks like

- literally during both of joes cross' i was crying it was so funny

- also ren's "i cannot recall" yeah!! that's good.

- should have brought up husband status

- skizz. please. it is not "disposition". beef did not give you a "disposition". it's "deposition". please. i'm crying.

- really good relevance objection! and skizz didn't say "relevency" so +3000 lawyer points!

- the judge firing missles at both councils is a feature i think the lower courts should implement

- DEFENSE DIDNT GET TO PRESENT A SINGLE WITNESS???

- like they had no case. the witnesses are your case. they didn't begin their case to even rest it. help?

- no experts testified but i think if D did get a witness they could've had an expert testify to either doc's baby or insane status and that would have really helped.

- joe's mens rhea argument in closing was SO GOOD. like that really was the glove moment of this trial.

anyways i'll be thinking about this for 1000 years.

[lasciviouspoison]

my first full length smut fic! this shit took weeks to edit ngl, but it was worth it. with that being said, there are probably still some mistakes so excuse those, lol. tw: breeding, eren calls himself “daddy”, word “mommy” is used, reader and eren are extremely (heavy emphasis on extremely) frustrated. not a tw, but like i always say, this is for my chubby black women, but all are free to read <3

eren has loved you for an extremely long time. he’s spoiled u, fed u, he’s even dressed you head to toe while you were sick.

yet, all of this spoiling and caring for u, does not warrant your brattiness right now.

he’s been studying tirelessly for his midterm for about 2 weeks now, finally on his last day of review before his test in a couple of days. yet, he can’t seem to focus because you keep coming in and out of your shared study every three seconds.

“‘ren, where are the extra washcloths?”

he looks up from his textbook, glasses falling off his nose a bit. you’re even dressed like a brat, skimpy little white tank top and baby pink panties. it makes his head hurt worse than the passage he’s read over 4 times now.

“there’s no way you’re asking me where fucking washcloths are right now. there’s no way.” he says with some bite to his voice. he just needs to finish these last two pages and the longer it takes him, the more it kills him.

your arms cross over your chest, pushing your bra-less chest up and exposing a bit of your chubby stomach. “does it look like i’m joking with you? where are they?”

he clenches his jaw and in a very clipped tone, he responds that they’re under the sink. you scoff slightly and walk out, making an effort to slam the door a bit harder than necessary.

he sits back in his chair and throws off his glasses, big tattooed hands wiping his face. eren knows he’s been neglecting you, and it’s killing him just as much as you. he’s tired of coming home from class too tired to touch you. he’s tired of you having to tell him to go lay down after his head rocked one too many times over his dinner plate.

he’s tired, but he’s not gonna let you act like a bitch just to get what you want. simply because it’s fucking working.

he pushes up from his desk and walks out of the study. he hears the bathroom cabinets opening, so he does everything but sprint to get there.

you peer over your shoulder at him and roll your eyes, “they weren’t under the sink. in fact, they’re all dirty cause, you know, you act like you can’t help with laundry anymore-“

erens grabbed you by the nape of your neck and brought your body close to his. you can hear his semi-heavy breathing despite still being bent over, which caused your heart to race a little. although you knew eren would never hurt you, it doesn’t mean that his pent up energy won’t go to waste.

“a couple things: one, don’t talk to me like i’m a fucking child. two, i do still help with laundry, there’s a whole basket full of folded shirts sitting on the bedroom floor that i didn’t get the chance to put away. and finally, you that cock hungry, or are you genuinely mad at me?” he finishes with a finger running up your spine, back arching at the feeling. he knows this rills you up, which is perfect for him. you don’t get to frustrate him and remain unscathed.

your eyes widened a bit, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to stop eren’s hand from moving. you could feel just how hard he was and it made you think that he almost had it worse than you. however, that doesn’t mean your just gonna lay here and take it.

“get the fuck off me eren” you said through tight lips. his hands now steadily making their way under your top, with you making no advances to stop him.

he bent down towards your ear as his body almost covers yours entirely, with his fingers now gently pulling at your nipples.. “you know what’s funny? you can act mad at me all you want, but this pretty pussy is never ever mad at me. maybe i should gag you and let her do the talking, at least she’s not a fucking liar” at this point, eren’s hands feel like hot coals against your body. while they slowly make their descent back down your body, you can feel your resolve slowly melting away under his touch.

before you could reply, his fingers begin to softly move along your covered slit, causing your breath to hitch. you push your hips back a little and eren gives you a breathless laugh in return.

“i know i’ve neglected you pretty baby. daddy’s really sorry, just let me make it up to you. i promise, you can have me all night if you just tell me what you really want”. sometimes, you swore that you could hear the smirk on eren’s lips.

you shook your head no and felt a soft slap to your pussy. you wanted to scream at him and tell him just how badly you missed him, but your mouth refused to open. you bit your lip once he began touching you again, attempting to coax a confession from your pretty lips.

you felt him bend over once again, this time to place small kisses behind your ear, kisses that started to travel down your neck and onto your back. the entirety of his ministrations were torture, but it was when he stopped kissing you and replaced his lips with his tongue to lick a stripe up your back that you really wanted to cave.

eren’s middle finger finally found your bare clit, the initial contact causing you to jump hard against his body. small whimpers leaving your lips as you tried to maneuver on his fingers before he stilled your movements.

“m’not doin anything more till you tell me the truth. what do you want from me baby? tell me and i’ll give it you ya”.

you try to grind against his fingers once again before a hard smack to your ass forces you to stop. his grip on your hips tightening, letting u know that he’s really gonna deprive you until you speak.

“want you to touch me ren! wan’ you to fuck me so fucking bad!” you finally scream out.

every gives you a small chuckle before his middle and index finger burry themselves into your cunt. his body almost shakes at warmth you provide. blood rushing straight to his dick, making him indescribably hard.

“that’s it baby, that’s all i wanted to hear.” he sounds breathless, almost like he’s the one that’s been getting teased.

he’s pumping his fingers in and out of you, a small squelching sound coming from your sopping pussy. your grip on the cold marble counter top has your knuckles turning white. at this point, you’re so desperate for more that your meeting his fingers half way.

with tears threatening to run down your chubby cheeks, you make pleas for more. “ren please, please gimme more. i’ll be good i promise!”

he feels so bad. you’ve never acted like this, even when the two of you were still forced to live separately on campus. the desperation in your voice is surprising him just as much as it’s surprising you.

because he knows you like it when he fucks you with his hair down, he pulls his hair from his already loosening bun and all but rips his sweats off. dick hitting his bare stomach with a heavy thud.

he takes his fingers out of you and rips those pretty pink panties off, he makes a mental note to buy you another pair.

he rubs himself between your sticky folds till his cock is shiny, hitting your clit a couple of times in the process, drawing more whines from you. all he can do is look down in awe. it’s amazing to him just how wet you get from just a couple of fingers, but who can blame u? his dick’s been throbbing for four days straight.

he finally anchors himself and spits, emitting a soft puh before he smiles. you’re such a mess underneath him and he can’t wait to make it even worse. he finally starts to push in, but your tight little cunny won’t let him in no matter how gentle he tries to be.

“lemme in baby… please lemme in” his voice is so strained it’s making u gush even more.

“i’m tryin!” you say with a pout, tears running down your face.

eren knows you’ve always been big on eye contact when the two of you fuck, it’s almost necessary… so, he hooks his fingers into the side of your mouth and forces your head to lift. finally you were able to see that tattooed chest and pretty face, and he was able to see those pretty eyes and beautiful tear stained face.

almost immediately do you loosen up and he accidentally on purpose pushes all the way in, causing the both of you to moan loudly.

“there you go baby, take it for me ya spoiled fuckin brat”. his hands have found purchase on the fatness of your hips, his grip so tight that you think he’ll bruise you. not that you’ve ever cared.

“fuckfuckfuck” is all you can say as you watch his facial expressions through the mirror. his hair is down and there’s tiny beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. he’s gone slack jawed while stroking you, a relaxed expression gracing his pretty face. no matter how many times he’s buried himself in your warm walls, he’s never gotten used to how good u feel. once his green eyes make contact with yours and that smirk graces his face, it makes u realize just how in control he is no matter how gentle he may look.

“squeezin’ me so tight baby.. u miss me that much?” he says with a breathless laugh, voice dripping with sarcasm. the both of you know that going this long without touch was both odd and frustrating. it caused the both of you to miss each other equally, hence why this could be categorized as some of the best sex you’ve ever had.

at this point, he knows you’re gonna cum soon, he can feel your walls pulsing and eren feels like his dick is gonna pop.

“g’nna cum rennie, g’nna make a mess on yo- ugh fuck!” your little hands balling into fists as he hits that spongey spot in you. you can hear just how hard he’s thrusting into you, each stroke sounding more sticky than the last. it’s making your eyes cross and toes curl.

your convinced he’s gonna kill you with that horse dick of his one day.

“let it out baby, i’ll clean it up the mess, wanna feel you cum on me.” even he’s getting whiny now, so it’s only a matter of time before you-

“-ohmygod eren!” you cum so hard that your body’s shaking and your knees are buckling. thankfully, eren’s always there to catch you.

despite chasing his own nut, he desperately wants to see you ride out your orgasm. he’s so desperate that he’s picking you up by your hips, forcing you to do small circles against his waist cause he knows it drives you crazy.

however, it doesn’t take long before he’s digging deep into you again, the force of his thrusts causing your head to bounce a little harder than intended.

“god i’m gonna cum so hard in this pretty pussy. i’m so fucking sorry i neglected you baby.. never again, god i’ll never do it again baby i promise. gonna fill you up okay? awe, you like the sound of that yeah? make you the prettiest mommy for me. promise i’ll take care of you forever. god i love you”. he’s rambling and his voice is getting rough. it’s only a matter of time before he cums.

after finding some strength, you finally look back and smile at him and that’s all it takes for eren to cum. his face screws up and his warm hands slide up your back to make you arch a little deeper. you wish you could run your fingers through his hair so badly, but you couldn’t ask for a better view of your beautiful boyfriend.

after a few moments of silence, eren finally comes down from his high with a big huff of air. gently, he spins you around so you face him. he moves your curls from out of your eyes and gives you a slow kiss on the lips, hands resting gently on your chubby, tear stained cheeks.

after a few moments of silence, he starts to speak, “i meant what i said. i’m sorry i left you alone for so long baby. i just gotta pass this test.” his eyes full of remorse.

“i know eren, i just wanted some attention… it’s really easy to miss you, even if we live together”. small smiles find both of your faces and eren finally pulls out to run the two of you a warm bath.

he strips you out of your tank top and carries you over to the tub, where he holds you tightly.

after some comfortable silence, you can’t help but look over your shoulder and ask the question that’s been plaguing your mind, “you really wanna get me pregnant?”

he looks towards the ceiling and let’s out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “i mean, eventually yes. right now? fuck no”

the two of you fell into laughter while the smell of lavender filled your noses and achy bones were finally allowed to rest.

[orangeocelotmartyn]

Martyn meets Buns the dragon, and talks about his missing wings

(Part of a group of snippets regarding Martyn’s dragon lore 1 | 2 (you are here) | 3 | (bigger compilation)

Sausage:--and, one of your family members is-is outside.

Martyn: Oh, um, I'm not--I'm not really--

Sausage (at the same time): This is Buns, right here.

Martyn: --speaking to, uh, other dragons, right now.

Sausage: '--to other drag--' Oh, oh yeah, he's looking at you funny, I think he remembers you.

Martyn (sounding dubious): Maybe.

Sausage: Look at him, he's staring you down

Martyn: Yeah, I've--

Sausage:--oh, he went to bed, he went to sleep.

Martyn: I've fallen out out with--maybe just about all of them--I dunno, maybe it's a different story if they're down here, but. I'm not sure.

Sausage: Oh, hmm. It's okay--y-y'know, Buns will be nice, B-buns is with me, also, Buns is with Ren, too, we're dragon bros, so, now you're part--you're an official dragon, so, uh, we can all be a nice happy family now.

Martyn, quietly: Well, I mean at least he has wings.

Sausage: Yeah, he does--oh, what happened to your wings?

Martyn (sounding cagey): Mmm, don't wanna talk about it.

Sausage: Ooh, it's gone? Did you cu--you got them clipped?

Martyn: No, no.

Sausage: Yeah? Maybe we could do some magic later on to make them grow back.

Martyn: You can-you can do that?

Sausage: Yeah, well, I am, uh, working towards my mage-ing, you know? A very powerful mage.

[life-winners-liveblog]

Watching Special- 3rd Life out of context.

Grian: This is...a thing that exists?

Scar: Oh it will be fine! Don't worry.

~~~~~

Martyn: Udder sauce?!?!

Scott: Oh... That's just foul.

Grian: Tango why are you like this? *Sigh*

Scar: Yikes...I think I was wrong...

~~~~~

Pearl: Oh? Well thats too much information.

Grian: Of course its Ren...of course..

~~~~~

Pearl: What's with Third Life Skizz and hating kids? This is like the second time.

~~~~~

Grian: There is just so much... going on... What is my life anymore.

Scar: Well It's more unlife since we're dead.

Grian: Why is it that every bonus is especially made to make me suffer in one way or another? What did I do to deserve this?

Scott: Well this isn't terrible-

Grian: We are 1 minute in and I already had to experience udder sauce and Ren talking about his junk.

~~~~~

Scar: A chocolate chip with two cookies?

Pearl: Oh BigB didn't sleep enough again.

Scar: Well that sounds delicious!

~~~~~

Grian: Oh great, not only do I need to experience this put they put Scar falling in the ravine as a clip... freaking fantastic.

Scott: Grian-

Grian: No, no I get it, It's just sooo funny.

~~~~~

Pearl: Oh you got a date with Ren huh?

Grian: First of all, out of context It's like the entire point, second of all in the clip I used the word "we" talking about me and Scar.

Scott: I mean poliamory is a thing-

Grian: I am not, never have been and never will be interested in Ren like that, especially not after what he did to my Scar.

Pearl: Uh ok? I get that? It was clearly just joke... Grian? are you ok mate? You seem very uh out of it-

Grian: Oh I am just peachy.

~~~~~

Pearl: "It's ten to death" is amazing and I am going to start using it.

Martyn: Excuse you, if anyone here gets to make time-based jokes it's me.

Pearl: Good thing then that your sense of humor is even more dead then us.

Martyn: You-

Scott: Martyn! Pearl! Stop it!

~~~~~

Martyn: What in the fuck is a globfish other me? (watch irl Martyn reacting to 3rd life out of context and you'll understand this one).

~~~~~

Martyn: ... What the.

Scar: Well then.

Scott: I mean, one can only imagine how Third Life Martyn had a naked Ren laid in front of him.

Grian: If I ever see my Scar again he owes me a diamond, I knew there was something going on there.

Pearl: I really could have lived way my whole unlife without hearing Martyn describing Ren bits as long-

Martyn: Oh look the next clip! Let's talk about that one! Yeah! And let's not talk about Third Life me ever again.

~~~~~

Grian: Well this is akward...

Scott: Very.

Pearl: Yeah let's just ignore that...

Grian: Yeah, let's.

~~~~~

Scar: Wait...Third Life Jimmy and Scott are married!?

Scott: Oh yeah! you weren't here during the time we were watching Third Life! Yeah they were.

Grian: And from what Limited Life Jimmy told us they still are going strong.

Scar: Oh! I see!

~~~~

Scott: So that's it...

Pearl: It was definitely an experience...

Previous

Previous session

Next

Main

[xmalereader]

Simon Riley X Male Reader

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|| Masterlist ||

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Authors Note: This was funny in my head and got inspiration from my favorite confort show: bobs burgers, theirs an episode where Bob plays a hostage during a robbery and his kids go crazy when he had to leave 🤣, I simply imagined Simon going through the same whenever he leaves has to leave. Here is a clip of inspiration.

Summary: Simon comes back to his family, reunited with his husband and kids only for his reunion to be cut short when he’s sent back out.

Warnings: Fluff, slight angst, kissing, dad Simon, Reader is a single father, twin kids, mentions of past memories, task 141 are great uncles, chaotic children, humor, threats.

Word count: 2.2k

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Simon was a private man, always keeping to himself and not speaking about his personal life outside of the military. Whenever the team asked if he had anyone back at home he’d simply ignore their question, changing the topic and focusing back on the mission. Imagine their surprise when his team finds out that Simon is not only married but with children too.

His husband was a single father with twins when they first met, having a daughter and a son to raise on his own wasn’t easy. The two met when the twins randomly appeared in front of Simons porch, playing with the stray cat that He’s been feeding for some time and perhaps had gotten attached to the feline. The twins were both six years old when they first saw Simon, instead of running away in fright or crying due to his large structure it was the young girl who had stood up and pointed at him while shouting. “Wow! You’re so tall!!” Simon was surprised by the child’s reaction, expecting the total opposite. It was the boy who coward away and hid behind his sister as he whimpered in fear by simons appearance but his sister acted tough and kept him safe.

It wasn’t long until Simon met Y/n. The single father would come around everyday to collect his children who continued to sneak out of the house without notice in order to play outside. Due to him being a single father he can’t help but worry for the two only to continue finding them at Simons place. Simon didn’t mind the twins coming around everyday, he mainly worked outside minding his own business but also keeping a close eye on the twins and making sure that they didn’t cause trouble or get hurt. As the two adults continued to interact their conversations grew deeper and meaningful to the point where they started dating until they finally got married.

Four years married. Simon never thought he’d feel warm in his heart again after everything he’s been through. He’d taken care of his family and loved the twins, even though they weren’t his by blood he still cared for them deeply. When simon finally got a break and was able to return back home he didn’t think that he’d see his husband and kids waiting for him close to the base. His husband had close connections to Laswell and allowed the family to wait outside the base.

The team was shocked when they saw two teenagers run up to Simon and tackle him, clinging onto his legs and arms as they cried in joy, happy to be reunited again. Everyone stares with wide eyes as Simon holds both twins up, chuckling softly at the two before his husband approached him. “Welcome home.” Y/n whispers, also pulling him into a hug and kissing the side of his balacava while Simon gives a faint smile underneath. “It’s good to be back.”

“Hey, hey! Stop hogging him!” His daughter, Briar shouts, her arms around his torso and her legs wrapped around his waist. “You’re hogging!” His son, Ren shouts back. He too, is wrapped around his arm and legs, the two holding on tight. Simon huffs a laugh, glancing at the two teens who argued with each other.

“You all forget that he married me, right?” Y/n raises a brow but the twins ignore them and continue to fight. “They never change.” He sighs out deeply. “I expected them to change after being gone for so long.” Simon is able to shake the twins off, finally free from their grip as hovering close to Y/n’s side.

It doesn’t take long for Y/n to approach his team and introduce himself to them, giving them a warm smile and a thank you from protecting his husbands back during his hard and dangerous missions. He finally meets Soap in person after hearing about him for days from Simons short calls or whenever he spent a few days back home. He already knew that Simon wouldn’t be staying for long before he’s sent out on another mission again.

After Y/n speaks with the team and gets to know them, it’s the twins who ask the most questions, especially his daughter.

“Why is your hair like that? How many people did you kill? What does your code name mean? How did you get it?”

It took Ren to drag his sister away from the men, apologizing quietly with a hint of embarrassment as he drags her away from the group and to the kitchen in order to help their father with cooking and keeping her away from talking their ears off.

“You have some kids.” Said Alejandro with a cheeky grin on his face as Simon friend under his mask. “There twins and are opposite from each other, Ren rarely does conversation but Briar can talk your ear off all day.” He didn’t know why he was telling them this but it felt nice too, letting them know a little about his family.

Ren enters the living room and asks everyone. “Does anyone have allergies? We want to make sure so that no one dies on us.” He said softly, causing Simon to release a chuckle while the others let the teen know that they don’t have any allergies before rushing back into the kitchen to continue helping.

His team and family are together and held many conversations, his husband asking about Simon and the things he did during his work while the twins sat in front of soap, asking him many questions, stroking his ego a bit whenever the twins said something that brought him pride.

The first day went by fast, everyone ate, met with each other and then left to see their own families. Simon finally felt at peace to be back home, interacting with the twins and catching up with their lives. He’d found out that Ren had made it into the fencing team at school, becoming the top of the team while Briar still continued to cause chaos, showing him a record of her detention time at school for the amount of pranks she’s caused. Y/n wasn’t too happy about the record but at long as his daughter was passing her classes that’s all that mattered to him. Which was true, even though briar caused trouble she still had good grades in all of her classes.

“ I have report due on Monday. I have to write about someone important and can’t think of anyone. It’s either between you or dad.” Briar grumbled, tapping her pencil on her notebook as she thinks while Ren plays chess with Y/n. “What about Soap? He was interesting.” Said Ren.

“Fuckin hell, you ain’t writing a report about Johnny.” Said Simon with a frown on his face while Briar laughs. “But he’s interesting and his code name ‘soap’.” She air quotes. “Has an interesting story too.”

“Do whatever you want, kid.” Y/n mumbled, focusing on the game as he hums to himself. “As long as you get the report done.” He added, making his next move and letting Ren focus back on his own side of the game. “Besides, you have all week to get the report done. Don’t stress yourself out.” Said Y/n smiling at Briar and reassuring his daughter.

“Well—“ she slams her notebook shut and tossed it aside. “I’ll deal with it later!” She jumps up from her seated spot with a smile on her face, turning to Simon. “Tell us about your work! Did you get someone important?”

“That’s classified.”

Briar pouts. “That’s stupid.”

The four of them enjoyed their time together. Simon could only enjoy their time together until it was cut short again. After being back home for a month he was being sent out again on another mission which caused him to sigh deeply. As much as he hates leaving his family behind he still had a duty to complete.

He stood in his and Y/n’s bedroom, packing up his things while Y/n sat on their bed watching him pack with sad eyes. “It’s sucks how you have to leave again.” He murmured while Simon sighs, setting his shirt inside his bag and rounding the bed to stand in front of his husband. “M’sorry my love.” He leans down to place a kiss on his forehead and then his lips, holding his husband close as the two hold each other. “Good luck on telling the twins.”

Simon groans, knowing the hell the two teens will bring once he tells them that he is leaving again. The two have grown attached to Simon as children, following him around like lost ducklings and always sticking to his side. Y/n was happy to know that his kids loved Simon and quickly accepted him as a parent when they started dating, when they announced their marriage the twins went crazy, throwing themselves on Simon as they cheered happily and were excited to have another dad in their family.

“I’ll make sure they don’t go to crazy.” Said Y/n but also smirked. “But, I can’t promise that it’ll go well.” Simon rolls his eyes, giving him another kiss and getting back to packing. “Soap will pick me up and will head out together.” He zips up his bag after and looks down at his wedding band, taking a chain out of his pocket as he slips off the ring, placing it on the chain and putting the necklace around his neck for safe keeping.

Y/n stands from the bed, walking over and sighing to himself before patting his chest. “Anyways—good luck with the kids!” His sudden mood changing to a mischievous one before leaving their room, heading downstairs to where the twins sat in the kitchen eating breakfast.

Simon had made his way downstairs with bag in hand, setting it by the door. The loud thump gets Rens attention, looking over to eye the bag and then look up to Simon before going back to the bag. His tired eyes suddenly widen in realization. “You’re leaving again?”

Briar chokes on her breakfast, coughing as she shot up from her seat. “Again?!”

“Yes, again.” Simon confirms to the twins as they stumble out of their seats and race to his side. “But you just got here!” Ren exclaimed, upset that Simon had to leave again. Simon gives Ren a sad smile, tussling his hair. “I know, but I have a duty and have to go.” He always had a warm spot for Ren, even though he was a quiet kid he also showed emotion towards current things.

The knock on their front door gets their attention, Simon reached over to unlock the door and pulling it open to see Soap on the other end, giving the Riley family and wave. “It’s time.” He tells Simon who nods in understanding.

“Wait, wait, come here.” Y/n approached his husband and kissed him again. “Be safe and don’t die.” His voice is stern and serious, he couldn’t lose someone important.

“I’ll be back.” Simon picks up his bag, but before he can follow soap out the twins cling onto him.

“I love you father!” Briar exclaimed, her legs wrapped around his waist and arms around his neck. “If you die imma write my report on Soap—no, if you die I’ll write my report about you.”

“I know, I have to go—“

“No wait, dad I changed my mind don’t go!” Ren climbs onto his arm, his legs wrapped around simons left leg as he holds himself up on his arm. Simon is strong enough to balance both twins as he tries to move. “Ren—!”

“Ghost, we have to go.” Said Soap, watching the chaos unveil.

“Don’t go! Who’s gonna walk me down the aisle on my wedding?!” Shouted Briar.

“I have so many unanswered questions what is sex—!” Ren says next as the two continued to go off.

“That’s enough!” Y/n tries to remove the kids from Simon but fails.

“Shake them off, ghost!”

“I’m trying!!”

“I don’t know what sex is!”

“I love you dad!”

Simon shakes his leg, but Briar doesn’t nor does Ren when he tries to remove his arm from his grip. The twins are strong as they hold onto him, soap on the other hand tries to pry the kids off but fails miserably while Y/n wasn’t much help.

The twins continue on until Simon finally snaps. “Enough!” He shouts, stopping the twins rambling as they froze in spot, soap stares with wide eyes until y/n steps forward and whines. “Please be safe Simon, don’t leave me with these freakin kids.”

The twins finally let him go and cling onto Y/n. Briar glaring at Simon while Ren turns to soap. “You better take care of my dad or else I’ll hunt you down the same way my father hunts down his prey.” He hissed out, pointing a finger at soap with intimidation.

Soap gives a stiff nod. “Will do.” He chuckles nervously before saying his farewell and rushing back to the car. Simon shakes his head, turning to Y/n and the twins. “Don’t cause trouble.”

“No promises!” Shouted Briar, who huffed and marched back to her breakfast. Y/n chuckled and gives Simon one last wave as he watched him take his things and enter the car with soap as the two drive away from the Riley residence.

“Uh—“ Soap clears his throat. “Ren was kidding right?”

“No.”

Soap paled.

[not-so-allegiant-general]

1/? (5? maybe, don't expect anything very cooehisive it's just... some kylux shorts, they are connected but rather loose, and this one is the longest one i think, anyway enjoy!)

Hux sighed curling himself on the bed. His spine was killing him today. Surely with cooperation of old leg wound. It’s funny how his security was scared of dangers and assassins and the biggest threat so far appeared to be his own body. He should be up long ago but pain kept him lying there weak and useless. He ignored when the door opened. Only one person had a clearance to come in to his private rooms. "Mitaka told me you did not appear today yet. They start to think that their Emperor is dead." Kylo sat down next to him. "Tell them i am." Kylo snorted and look around. "Where's the hypo?" "On my desk." Knight brought it, looking at the set dose. "Isn't it too much?" "Kiff off" Hux said and rolled his eyes when Kylo reduced it and gave him a shot. He breathed out when painkillers kicked in. He uncurled himself slowly and laid on his back looking at Ren. " Let's take Night Buzzard" He gave up. Kylo frowned. "After you went in so much trouble to explain to me that it will absolutely ruin our image and ruin everything. And after sending me a list on reasons why it is the worst idea.?" Hux closed his eyes. "We will land somewhere and change for command shuttle." He sighed. Kylo nodded without arguing. " I will put your brace on." He stood up. Hux sat up slowly on the edge of the bed. Looking at metal device Kylo took out. "Did you consider medics offer?" "Yes. I did. I like my leg enough to keep it, thank you." Kylo smiled amused. " You are in great mood today, my Emperor." He clipped brace on his leg and Hux hissed grasping the edge of the bed. He rested his head on Ren's shoulder breathing out slowly. Ren held him carefully and helped him stood up steadying him. "Stop than. I am capable of standing by myself." Hux snapped at him. "I know you are, Hux." Hux rolled his eyes taking his clothes from the cabinet. "Maybe wear something more comfortable today?..." Hux shoot him angry look and pressed his lips together. "Kriff off Ren. I don't have time for your pointless caring today." Kylo fell quiet. Hux disappear in the fresher. When he was ready and dressed up Ren was gone. He sighed biting his lip. Great. He totally needs upset Ren today.

They met few hours later on the Night Buzzard. He travelled this ship quite often now as knights of Ren was far better security than stormtroopers and the vessel alone was bigger than the standard command shuttle. Hux usually stayed in Kylo's quarters or bed. He did not support travelling with it to any diplomatic event, though. It was a war shuttle and Knights of Ren were not heralds of peace. "Emperor. The course is set to Yavin Imperial Residency. Our ETA is 7000 hour. Temperature  is 0 Celsius." Mitaka said dutifully. His report was followed by burst of laughter of the knights. "Thank you, Captain. Vicrul, Turdgen. "He glanced at knights "laugh one more time at any of my officers and i will cut you open with your own weapon" Vicrul lowered his head a little but Hux knew there is a wide grin behind that mask. Times when Hux did not know their names and faces were long gone. "Emperor.”Vicrul bowed ” Master Ren’s quarters are to your disposition." "And where is he?" " Already there. He is meditating. " Of course. Hux thought annoyed. He walked into Kylo's quarters ignoring knight on the floor and sat down on the bed. He was used to finding Kylo in variety of strange position on the floor. Not really sleeping but not awake either. It was disturbing but he did get used to it. Hux took off his cape and searched his bag for the hypo. He cursed under his breath unable to find it. " There is second one in my bag" Kylo said without opening his eyes. Hux glanced at him and took out the other hypo "thanks to my useless care" Hux froze clenching his jaw and looked on the bag. "I said. Pointless not useless" "Ah. So taking a spare hypo is pointless in your opinion?" Hux sighed rubbing his forehead. "I don't want to argue with you. " Kylo snorted. "There was not even one day in the last years that you didn't want to argue. Darling." "Well. I don't want to today. What is it that you want to hear? " Kylo shook his head on disbelief. "I am sorry, Kylo. I didn't mean to offend you. I appreciate your help. Please don't be mad. Would suffice." Hux gave himself a shot of medications. "I didn't mean to offend you." "Yeah. You missed almost the whole thing with nice words." Kylo stood up, Hux followed and kissed him. 'Will holing your hand during celebration excuse me from speaking nice words?'" Kylo pressed his lips together scolding himself for even considering this but... "In front of everyone and during whole celebration? " Hux rolled his eyes. "Fine. If you enjoy watching yourself holding hands on Holonet that much" "You are excused form an apology. But do tell me one more time that i am useless" he hissed grabbing Hux by the collar. Hux did not miss that he was careful. Delicate even "and you will regret." "I will care to be properly scared, when you will care to threat me properly" he snorted and open his eyes widely feeling pressure on his windpipes. Adrenaline rushed through his veins. It was almost exhilarating but it quickly vanished. Hux took a deep breath, composing himself. "Be careful what you wish for, Armitage." Ren whispered and Hux almost ripped his cape dragging him to bed.

[fountainpenguin]

"And you'd hate me too if I was ever honest- I got used to the secrecy! It's safer in the In-Between…" (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 34 - “Ashes (Ren, Sniff)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

"Oh, I'm so selfish; punish myself with the soul-crushing knowledge I willingly lost it... Know I'll regret it and die just a little- it's what I do best sitting right in the middle..."

---

Ren washes Debbie the Slime Dragon in exchange for a ride to Phantom Dragon territory (to rescue Martyn). PiglinMyNose bottle-feeds baby foxes. Also, SnifferMyFeet says good-bye to Etho and heads out on his own.

AKA, the one where Sniff sets boundaries and everything will be okay.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

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Mild content warning for baby slimes suckling from mama dragon

---

Renthedog - Wolf (Tamed)

Status: Flattery turned up to 11

Engineer, neurobiology teacher, and conservationist

💙  🧡  💚

It's with a grand flourish that Ren strolls through the hollow beneath the massive, twisting roots of the Slime Dragon's custom tree. Funny place. There's straw all over the dirt and slime dripping from the tree branches. Slimes don't take up space… That's one thing you can say about them. They ooze, collect, dissolve, and pull themselves together again. With all that surface area, it's a wonder they don't lag the place out. Ren thrusts his arms in the air, tail beating back and forth as he struts straight into the center chamber.

"And how are the two most gorgeous ladies in New Star tonight? … Wait a moment. Where's Charlotte?"

Then he has to duck as Debbie's tail nearly clips him on the head. She's resting on her side, glaze-eyed, with her paws flopped in front of her. Ren scampers forward in the straw, moving out of easy swatting range, and gets a full look at her belly. She's not a long dragon, but one of the bigger, rounder ones. Chunky would probably be the correct word - the way that slimes are thick and chunky - but perhaps not the most polite. Black scales cover her nose, legs, and sides (running all the way to the tip of her tail), but the ruff that circles her neck and runs down her spine gleams with blue and green goop.

The last section of her tail is purple-pink, as are a few massive talons. Belly's goopy too. Ren's hung around Debbie often enough that he no longer jumps when dark splots (vague eyeballs) drift through her slimy bits and study him from the safety of their mother's membrane. A few slimes rest around the area - mobs and hybrids alike; one of the mobs hops forward and nuzzles his foot - but Ren does his best not to stare. Even when he can feel eyes burning on the back of his neck. Hybrids watch him from the branches. Not everyone plays the turf war games.

Debbie whuffs through her nostrils, but doesn't offer a straight answer for the Charlotte question. Her tail swings up like before. Again, Ren sidesteps and leans his head far enough to the side that it grazes harmlessly above. It swings its way back around, this time lower, but he hop-steps without looking. Debbie's got patterns. All dragons do. Ren moves past her hind paws, which lie half-curled in the dirt. They flex.

Ah, there's her belly. Hungry newborn mouths push against her, and Ren lifts his brows. Spawnlings still too young to lose their lens caps push each other with their hands, blindly crawling and whining with their gaping, muted mouths for places to suck. Debbie's a special case- she doesn't really, like… have teats? Just that slimy stuff, so they can put their mouths anywhere.

But here's the weird part. Slimes aren't the only babies under the tree tonight, and Ren's eyes go narrow as he takes in the invasive species. Foxes - little brown newborns with pink mouths - whine and wiggle in front of a hybrid sitting near Debbie's armpit. Do dragons have armpits? She kind of does, speckled with more clumps of goo.

"Right- one at a time, you- you precious gifts, you angels- OW! One at a time," the hybrid is saying. Ren recognizes him instantly, though he's not had a lot of conversations with the man. Several large buckets of milk sit beside him; he's filling a goat horn cup that drips out its narrow bottom end. Did he just have that nanny outfit on hand?

"PiglinMyNose! I shouldn't be surprised to find you serving your dear mother in her time of need." Ren glances again at the resting dragon. Debbie never did give him verbal acknowledgement. She must be a little hazy right now, maybe drained from the nursing effort. He walks closer, every step careful. He likes to think he befriended Debbie long ago, but you should never let your guard down around dragons. They could bite at any time.

She is letting him get close, though. Ren bends to pick up a spawnling that's facing the wrong direction, bracing itself on one hand and sucking on its other fist. New arrivals are bigger on a server, fed by actual player energy, but in this dimension, they're all too young for skins. Or walking. Gotta put some girth on, y'know?

He doesn't dare lift the spawnling to his shoulder, but Lizzie taught him how to move them without upsetting dragons. He keeps the spawnling near the ground, taking slow steps, and sets it down by the lower part of Debbie's belly, near the hind legs. D'you think Debbie works like mammal dragons, where the teats closer to the rear provide the most milk? Hm.

Pig yips again as another fox bites him. They all want their turn licking drips from the goat horn cup. Some kits have milk-dotted mouths. Others are still bare. Ren kneels beside him, less careful lifting fox mobs from his lap than he was with the skinless slime hybrid. "Yeah, yeah," Pig mutters. "I got chased out of the turf war, so I'm babysitting now."

"Where's Charlotte?"

"Think she went to bother Scott?" Gesturing at the milk, he adds, "Like- I think she said something about not producing enough milk because of the raid? Is that how it works?"

"Oh, she can't den down." Yes, that would be a problem. He asked Etho about this once- a research project for his Education back in the early days. Something like… "I think when foxes breed in the wild, they stay in the den with the kit until it's an adult. That probably means they gather berries before they den down? Maybe Charlotte couldn't find enough food."

"Well, they like milk," Pig remarks, lifting a squirmy kit in his hand. He rotates it like a fruit he's about to eat, then brings the goat horn cup to its mouth. The kit laps at the tip, catching all the milk it can, while the other two dozen or so kits keep nipping or swatting at each other, or else crawling over him. Two are chewing on his apron. Three dozen? Maybe more. "Ow! Yeah, yeah… You'll all get your turn. But you're not endearing yourselves to me. I don't care how cute you are- you make me sick."

[Full chapter on AO3 - Link at top]

[shoechoe]

3 least favorite movies :]

Disaster Movie (2008). I'm not just throwing this in because it's notoriously hated- I have bad memories with this one because my parents were watching it in the living room when I was little and I walked in during that Alvin and the Chipmunks parody scene (this) and it scared me so badly I was terrified for like the next few days. Anyways that entire movie series is completely terrible. Some pure Adult Comedy :tm: garbage made by people who have no idea how to be funny so they just "parody" things with vulgarity and mean-spirited sarcasm that's draining to watch. Completely irritating experience that makes you feel annoyed at the people who wrote it. The props and special effects are terrible too which doesn't help lol.

That Drawn Together movie... Okay so I've never actually watched a full episode of the show, just clips and plot summaries of episodes (it's bad lol. It's basically a collection of various types of common children's cartoon characters parodying themselves by being vulgar and offensive. There's a ridiculous amount of racist jokes specifically to the point where two of the main characters are racist caricatures.) However when I learned there was a movie that was apparently so bad that even the fans hated it, I got curious so I checked it out and I think I lasted like half an hour before I dipped. Very Adult Cartoon:tm: unwatchable sludge. (I will say I still found the worst episodes of Ren & Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon worse, if only because APC has some of my personal least favorite types of gross-out humor and also the most ridiculously dragged out jokes imaginable because none of the episodes have enough content to fit the 24-minute runtime. In fact there's even a 40-minute episode for some fucking reason despite it also only having enough content for like ten minutes, watching that shit might've been the slowest experience of my life...)

Curse of the Zodiac (2007)- okay so I might be cheating a bit here because I actually thoroughly enjoyed my time watching this but it's all that came to mind. My friends had a movie night a while ago and one of my friends (his name is Ethan) brought this movie for everyone to watch because the reviews were atrocious and he felt like being a troll. After a night of pretty well-made movies we got to this one and everyone was dying because of it and it was the funniest thing ever. Every time something absurd or stupid happened one of my friends would shout "Ethan what the FUCK IS THIS" and both Ethan and I were just laughing hysterically it was great. Everything about the movie is completely terrible and disorienting in production writing and everything and it would've been the most boring experience ever if I wasn't watching it with friends. A lesson about some movies being for-friend-films I suppose.

[purpletyn]

Martyn’s jealousy bit is so funny because he does it so often

like we’ve all seen the ren jealousy clips but he did it for cherri?? too?? which is HILARIOUS

like he was saying he fired cherri in call and Oli orionsound was like oh perfect I needed a thumbnail artist dunno for what videos but I digress and Martyn’s just like. well. no that’s my artist actually. you can’t.

[chryzuree]

highschool chrysijacks is so funny silly to me.....how is jacks doing in math!!i hope he is having a miserable time <3. how involved are they in extracurricular stuff? are they in any clubs? what were their plans in general for after high school?

omg, thank you for asking!!! he is doing soooooo badly <3333 he probably should’ve failed out, on account of the fact that he skips class all the time to go to ap literature to hang out w chrysi and castor,BUT!!!!! castor and jacks will have all-nighter study session to get jacks caught up on math before every test. w/o fail, they both pass out and get sick and they can’t get to school the next day.. yay!! now jacks is warned abt what’s on the next math test, so he passes!!…. jst barely.

chrysi’s wayyyyy more involved in extracurriculars than jacks, for sure… mostly bc cheer takes up so much of her time, but she’s also on student council, the ac dec team, and key club. i kinda have been playing w the glee au sm that it might jst be that chrysi and jacks are part of the glee club.. juno makes me watch too many glips (glee clips)for it to NOT influence me.. jacks would probably only do glee club & theatre!!! but theatre is partially for a grade ,so. he sucks <33

jacks did NOT know what plans he had for after high school. mostly he was going to go to college and mess around and make new friends (and get new girlfriends…?? hopefully ones that haven’t heard abt the epidemic jacks accidentally started at a kissing booth???), but then he gets rlly into costume design during theatre ((and during ren faire, when he dressed chrysi up and fell in love w how it turned out. and also with chrysi… but he’s been in love w her for a while ;))

chrysi’s plans after high school always were kinda nebulous?? she wanted to ultimately help ppl w supernatural stuff, but she was probably going to go into macabre history studies and such in college.. but mostly. yeah. her goal was to poke at supernatural beings and see if they’d bother her instead of others :))

[godza]

rens model is so expressive but his design cld be better.... hes so normal looking. hes wearing a normal school uniform and plain black hair. the horns are fun but he needs more. hes the normalest looking guy in nijien. its also funny that he does bfe when hes married irl. well hes making money so whatever floats his wifes boat. if my spouse was getting "big" (cant be that big he doesnt even have 500k) bucks id let it happen. he also is just a dry guy there is so little personality or maybe thats just bc i havent seen too many clips bc he annoys me

[iolaussharpe-24]

“Nah, he's the opposite for me. Top 3 worst obsessions. Only behind Tom Hiddleston and Adam Driver because there's HISTORY behind those.” Oh hell nah, what did he do?

Okay, let's get into a little bit of lore.

(This is just a sliver of everything. There's more.)

It was 2017. Both Thor Ragnarok and Kong: Skull Island were coming out and I saw the trailers to both back to back.

The realization hit me like a sledgehammer flung out of a catapult. I was excited, more than anything else, to see what happened to Loki after Thor: The Dark World. I didn't like Loki prior to that, at least, I didn't think I did. He didn't fit the mold of what I liked in a character. I tended to lean more towards the heroes. On the surface, at least.

So I stepped back and reevaluated everything I liked in movies and shows. I realized that I did lean towards villains more than I ever actually noticed. I also discovered that I love to draw and write around this time.

My first story was a hundred and fifty page Loki fanfiction that makes me cringe more than I would by sucking five lemons but you gotta start somewhere. And I didn't stop there. I was writing Loki stuff all the time. I was drawing him. Talking about him. Dreaming about him.

Then it branched out to Tom Hiddleston in anything and everything.

There were a few other obsessions along the way, Zuko, Dante Basco, Harry Potter, Sirius Black, Gary Oldman, Dracula, Remus Lupin, werewolves, Hannibal, etc., etc., but the Loki/Tom Hiddleston thing lasted YEARS until I developed a thing for Sebastian Stan instead. And that time felt longer than it actually was. It felt like an ETERNITY of my life was dedicated to him.

Breezing past a couple more hang ups, we reach the Adam Driver period. That was the next BIG one. That was the second atomic bomb. And it was by accident.

I was slowly being influenced by a number of funny things involving him that happened during lockdown (the John Oliver clips, and the Instagram lookalike) and I decided to add him to a PowerPoint I was making to brainwash people into liking the people I like. I didn't have much of a reason other than I like Star Wars and Kylo Ren was easily my favorite part of the last trilogy. (By the way, he still is. I've been a Reylo since the beginning because it gave me Zutara vibes and I ship that too.)

I went looking for a clip of him singing to put in the PowerPoint. I was gonna use the SNL Aladdin skit he was in, but I found "Stepping Back in Time" from the Annette soundtrack. The next thing I know, I have half the soundtrack downloaded and all my Sebastian Stan wallpaper and icons have been replaced by Adam Driver. It was that fast. And suddenly he's known throughout my family as "the new Loki".

Similar to how Tom Hiddleston pushed me to discover my love for writing, fanfiction, and villains, Adam Driver pushed me even further with it. I had started writing an original fiction story inspired by Sebastian Stan, but I had more ideas with Adam Driver as my muse. A lot more. That had the creativity flowing like crazy and I loved every minute of it.

Then I started having the dreams. Really weird dreams. Like that time I dreamt about Adam Driver being one of the aliens from Species and chasing me. Not even a male Species alien like Patrick. He looked like Sil and Eve with full tentacle nips and hair and it was terrifying. And I've talked about the Kylo Ren to insane asylum dream that made me legit worry about my mental health before.

I cut off all Adam Driver related anything for a month. And that's when I found Miguel O'Hara and he led me to Oscar Isaac.

Now there's a new "new Loki."

[orangeocelotmartyn]

Martyn meets Sausage for the first time, and picks a fight with his dragon

Martyn: "A dragon? Will Sausage let you--uh, will you let Sausage ride you?" Undecided, currently, undecided. Know what, I'm gonna do this--

---

Martyn: I heard him. I think I heard Sausage. (three seconds of silence, then he gasps at the same time a goat horn plays) I see him! Hold on a minute--oh, this could end badly, I may not have the durability for this--or the stamina for this. Oh gosh. (four seconds of tense silence) Oh gosh. (the goat horn plays again) Sausage: Yes! Martyn: Hold on, hold on--! Sausage: You're making it, come on! (Martyn makes it, laughing in relief while Sausage cheers) Martyn: This dragon can fly, bay-bee! Sausage: Wow, you're so thick. Martyn: Dude, I am, I'm a big dragon. Sausage: Stand next to me, let me see something? (a brief pause, Martyn going into 3rd person so he can see what Sausage wants) Sausage: Oh my good god, you're a thick and tall boy! Martyn: Mhm. Sausage: I thought I was tall, being elf. You're a big dragon man. Martyn: You've never met a dragon quite like me, I promise you that much. (goat horn goes off) Wait, is that somebody else--? Sausage: I rode a dragon the other day. Martyn: Did you do the horn just then, or somebody else? Sausage: That's me! I just like tooting my own horn from time to time. Martyn: Oh, jeez, okay-- Sausage: I've been looking for you, I have something for you, for a particular-oh, you know, icy boy. Martyn: Okay, what is it? Sausage: I found this and I can't use it 'cause I am fire but oh god--I'm a fire, uh, man, so, I found this, right here. (he drops a 'Glacial Gladius' on the ground) Martyn: (gasps) Whoa, hold on a minute. Sausage: Glacial.

----

Martyn: I'm gonna come through your portal, I wanna see where you live. Sausage: Come over here! Come to RPG Town. It's a lovely little establishment-- Martyn: Oh, is this where RPG Town is? Sausage: (unintelligible)--with the thick, you're so thick you pushed me out! Martyn: Yeah, sorry, one at a time when I'm here, one at a time.

---

Sausage:--and, one of your family members is-is outside. Martyn: Oh, um, I'm not--I'm not really-- Sausage (at the same time): This is Buns, right here. Martyn: --speaking to, uh, other dragons, right now. Sausage: '--to other drag--' Oh, oh yeah, he's looking at you funny, I think he remembers you. Martyn (sounding dubious): Maybe. Sausage: Look at him, he's staring you down Martyn: Yeah, I've-- Sausage:--oh, he went to bed, he went to sleep. Martyn: I've fallen out out with--maybe just about all of them--I dunno, maybe it's a different story if they're down here, but. I'm not sure. Sausage: Oh, hmm. It's okay--y-y'know, Buns will be nice, B-buns is with me, also, Buns is with Ren, too, we're dragon bros, so, now you're part--you're an official dragon, so, uh, we can all be a nice happy family now. Martyn, quietly: Well, I mean at least he has wings. Sausage: Yeah, he does--oh, what happened to your wings? Martyn (sounding cagey): Mmm, don't wanna talk about it. Sausage: Ooh, it's gone? Did you cu--you got them clipped? Martyn: No, no. Sausage: Yeah? Maybe we could do some magic later on to make them grow back. Martyn: You can-you can do that? Sausage: Yeah, well, I am, uh, working towards my mage-ing, you know? A very powerful mage--also, a very powerful high elf. You like my ears? I pierced them last week. Martyn: Oh wow, yeah look at--oh, you go invisible whenever you crouch. Sausage: Oh, yeah, its a special power. Oli's very upset because I've stole his thing, because he's an actual thief, and he kinda like, goes invisible on command. Me, I've just got this cloak. I bought--I got this cloak. (gasps) Is that long hair braid on the side? Martyn: It is. Sausage: Oh, very fashion. Ooh, fashion, beautiful! Martyn: I think I need to take the backpack off for you to be able to see it all properly, hold on a second. Sausage: Oh, take your backpack off, yeah, let me see it let me see your backside! Martyn: There it is. Sausage: Oooh! Ooh, that's very nice. I have man-bun, You see my--I have man-bun. Right there in the back. Martyn: Oh, wait, hold on. Sausage: I have man-bun. Martyn: Stop crouching. (starts laughing) Sausage: Oh sorry I'm invisible I forgot! I have man-bun, I have man-bun. Martyn: Oh, yeah, I see the man-bun. I mean, I got-- Sausage: Oh yeah, it's a little man-bun. Martyn: I got dragon ears, but, that's about it. Sausage: Oh, those are very good ears, yeah, yeah very aerodynamic. Y'know, I-if I'm riding you, I could hold on to those and we fly, once we get your wings back. Martyn: Oh my gosh. Sausage: I could use those to steer. Martyn: Well, this was good-- Sausage, laughing: You're so tall, oh, man-- Martyn: I can't believe we've--I can't believe this happened naturally.

---

Sausage:--it's this one, you're gonna love this. Watch this. Stand right there, ready? Martyn: Uh huh? Sausage: (unintelligible) Martyn: ...the hell just happened? (Sausage laughs, and then Martyn hits him with his frost breath) Sausage: Ohh, you-- Martyn: Yeahhhh, brrr, cold! (uses his frost breath into the air) Sausage: Oh-oh my god, you have cold power-- Martyn: Uh huh. Sausage: Do it in the face--do me in the face. (Martyn hits him in the face with his frost breath, and the sound of damage takes place) Sausage: That is the-that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life, you just blew me in the face-- Martyn, at the same time (and moving over to Buns): Lets see what he thinks, you're looking--(uses his frost breath on Buns) Sausage: Oh no, he's going to kill you--! Martyn: Oh, god, oh jesus, oh god, I'll leave, I'll leave I'll leave I'll leave-- Sausage: Oh no! It's okay-- Martyn: (sighs in relief) Okay. I mean--all interactions have to end sometime or another. (a few seconds of silence as he breathes out a laugh, attacks a skeleton) Ay yai yai. I didn't think Buns was--I mean, it makes sense, right? But I dunno. The frost had to happen eventually.

[crocus-cryptid]

Now for V1, Es 4 and 5. The First Step, it's titled. It makes sense they've abridged the title sequence despite how rad it is.

Oh heck yeah Ren and Nora are here! I used to ship them like mad, and Nora was probably my fave character as a kid.

Phyrra is here too! Her leg armor is really cool. There's alot of cool designs in this series.

I thought Phyrra ran Jaune through with her spear for a second, but I'm glad it was just his hoodie. I can't say I like how he treats Weiss, so I don't blame Phyrra for spearing him. They're all teenagers here so it's expected that they're weird and awkward.

I like how they lined up all the characters with real designs in front then put the shadow people in the back for the initiation line up. I wonder who the two unnamed guys with designs'll come into play. From what I remember, they bully Jaune.

It's funny how they're just being catapulted into the woods. It's a wonder anyone survives initiation!

On to E5.

The score having the same leitmotif as the prechorus of the theme song is a cute touch, with this peaceful intro bit. I'm sure this peace is short lived.

It's neat seeing how everyone lands. That's a little thing that can tell you a lot about a character and I'm sure it'll tie into everyone's fighting styles later.

Seeing the way Phyrra's weapon transforms from a gun into a spear is so fucking cool.

The little doodles to represent Ruby's train of thought while sue's running are cute. I know that style is used elsewhere in Roosterteeth's stuff.

Oh no! Ruby's teamed up with Weiss! I know they get along eventually but it'll be rough riding for now. The petals when she uses her semblance is neat.

There's a lot of clipping through things in this first season.

Ah, we're ending on a cliffhanger! I'm excited to see how Ruby and Weiss fight grimm in the next episode!

[griba]

Hot take: HBomb and Fundy will influence Iskall enough and he’ll end up saying fuck on Vault Hunters

GOOD POST 10/10 🙏🙏🙏

also cat maid hbomb was a thing right??

[ID: the "Oops! All Berries" Captain Crunch meme, edited to say "Oops! All gnc as fuck!" with Captain Crunch being replaced with the text "mcyt". / End ID]