#and then at least an hour later I said that it upset me the lack of care for others that people who play tiktoks in public have

[jonathanstims]

wow wow wow one of the people I live with just compared peaceful protest with playing music out loud in public. as a gotcha for a statement of mine.

[mj0702]

This one goes out to Monk... please let me know where to file it in the Sidelinelist♥️♥️

“Do I really have to go with you to Sweden?” you whined for the fifth time since dinner started

“Yes Bubs... All of us are going and...” Lucy sighed out

“Mapí isn't” you interrupted her quickly

“And you know there's absolutely ZERO chance that you'll stay here with Mapí for four days...” Ona pointed out sweetly as she got some more fried potatoes on her plate “.. and if you don't want to listen to us you'll listen to Alexia... or Keira”

“That's not fair!” you exclaimed

“Yeah well... you're underage and as your guardian I say you have to come with us... it's just four days anyway...” your sister said flatly

“It's Sweden” you pointed out upset

“Yes... beautiful country” Lucy said before stuffing some meat into her mouth

“It's DECEMBER” you exclaimed getting frustrated that Lucy apparently didn't get your point

“I'm well aware... look Bubs... we just have two games left this year... Rosengård and a home game then we have Christmas break and we'll go back to England for a few days okay” your sister said understanding your frustration but there was nothing she could do about it

“I don't want to go Sweden in December” you whined again Ona snorting quietly “... it's fucking freezing there... it's like... the north pole of Europe”

“Bubs...” Lucy groaned “... there's nothing I can do about it... you can stay in the Hotel if you want to but I won't leave you in Barcelona for four days without someone looking after you”

“Uuuuugh” you groaned loudly throwing up your arms

“Bebita... we'll make sure you stay warm okay” Ona chuckled at your dramatic demeanour

“If you make me run Batlle I make sure you flee the country within four days of being back in Spain” you grumbled standing up angrily

“We aren't done with dinner” your sister said “... sit your ass back down”

“I'm done” you yelled from the hallway stomping towards your room

“Y/n Tough...” Lucy started to yell now getting angry too until she felt Onas hand on her arm calming her down

“I'll talk to her later...” the blonde spaniard said softly “... she's at an age where's no fun to travel with your sister, her girlfriend and her sisters ex... and Alexia”

“I know...” your sister huffed “... but she can't just fuck off whenever she feels like it – I raised her better... Keira raised her better”

“She's 16 Luce...” Ona smiled “... of course she's revolting a bit... you need to keep a cool head and sit it out... she loves you but she's also a teenager”

“Sometimes it's so hard” Lucy sighed before yelling “STOP PLAYING BALL IN YOUR ROOM.... GO OUTSIDE!!!”

“I know... but we're in this together okay” the blonde grabbed her girlfriends hand “... and you have Keira as back-up... and Alexia and the whole Team.... she's very much loved and we all see how amazing you are with her – and it's okay if you need a break Luce... you have more than enough support so you can take that break whenever you need it”

“Hey Luce” you suddenly skitted around the corner interrupting the sweet moment your sister had with her girlfriend “Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy”

“Yes??” Lucy looked at you expectantly

“I found a solution” you said happily

“I'm all ears” your sister looked at you with a blank face

“Jenni” you just said smiling at her hopefully

“Jenni??” Lucy asked confused

“Hermoso” you clarified

“Absolutely NOT” your sister exclaimed looking at you bewildered

“Why???” you asked annoyed

“I'm NOT putting you onto a 15 hour flight where you have at least ONE layover...” Lucy was still more than stunned “... not with you and your anxiety and lack of orientation while I fly into a complete different direction... absolutely not.. no... you can scratch that idea”

“I could take Mapí...” you tried again but the raised eyebrow from your sister told you everything you needed to know so you exclaimed upset “You're SO unfair... ugh... I hate you”

“Bebita” now Ona said in a scolding tone

“What?” you snapped

“Apologize... now” the spaniard said quickly

“You are not my mother” you sneered “... I don't...”

“I may not be your mother but this IS my house – my house my rules... we had this discussion before” Ona interrupted you quickly “You know you can basically do whatever you want but there are boundaries and rules... and even if you don't mean it and it's a heat of the moment thing... I won't accept you telling someone you hate them”

“M sorry Luce...” you grumbled ashamed standing there like a kid who got caught with their hand in a cookie jar “I just...”

“I know Bubs...” Lucy sighed “... I need you there okay... I need to know you're okay... I wouldn't be able to concentrate if you're on a flight to Mexico... I promise if you want you can visit Jenni start of next year okay... we'll find a way... just not... this time”

“Okay..” you said a little sad

“Come here Bubs” your sister said softly opened her arms

“Have to pack” you mumbled and Lucy knew you tried to get away from the situation because you felt guilty about what you said to her

“Can wait for another five minutes... come here” Lucy said softly but a little firmer

You slowly shuffled over and Lucy pulled you down into her lap

“It's all good Bubs...” your sister mumbled against your hair as you curled into her body “.... thank you for apologizing”

“It's the spaniards fault” you mumbled against Lucys shoulder which made your sister chuckle

“She can be quiet...” Lucy started

“... annoying” you provided

“... strict” your sister laughed lowly when her girlfriends head whipped around giving you two a shocked look

“Love you Luce” you mumbled feeling how your whole system relaxed

“Love you too Bubs” Lucy smiled pressing a soft kiss to your hairline

“BUBS!!!” your sister yelled down the hallway “ALEXIA IS HERE!!! GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!!!!”

“I... where are my Air Pods??” you asked stressed running into the living room for the third time

“In your backpack.. come on” Ona calmly said holding up your shoes

“My tablet” you raced back into your room

“Bebita... I packed all your PED in the backpack... also all your devices are charged...” the spaniard said calmly stopping your running about by grabbing the back of your shirt “... now shoes and let's go”

“I'll freeze to death in just a shirt... I need me jacket... and me hat... Lucy can I wear my City skully... Pleeeeeeeease Lucy” you spoke a million miles an hour and both of the adults know it was your nerves

“Bubs... it has 20 degrees outside... you don't need a jacket and a woolly...” your sister stayed calm hoping it would calm you down too

“In freaking Sweden I will” you exclaimed trying to run off again getting another jacket

“We have everything packed okay... We packed two jacket for you AND Ona talked to the kit department to pack an extra too... we also got some Barca hats for you... different styles... you can choose..” Lucy explained after Ona held you back again “Shoes and off we go”

“Are you sure... I can take me City jacket...” you bit your lip distressed

“105% sure Bubs...” your sister said softly “We have blankets too... AND if you feel like it you can stay in the Hotel in bed”

“Okay...” you mumbled

“Good... now come on... I'm pretty sure Keira already got you that donut she promised you” your sister smiled and gently pushed you out of the door taking half the bags while Ona took the other half

“Lucy I'm bored” you whined lowly leaning over the aisle trying to wake your sister up “Lucy”

“Go to sleep Bubs” your sister mumbled still asleep herself

“But I'm bored” you whispered

“Close your eyes and sleep” Lucy mumbled again and you knew you wouldn't get far so you tried someone else

“Ona.... Ona” you whisper yelled

“Dorm Bebita” the blonde spaniard mumbled just like Lucy being asleep

“Ugh...” you rolled your eyes “... Keira... Keira I'm bored”

“Come here Bitsy...” Keira subconcussionly opened her arms inviting you in to lay down with her – perks of flying first class you guessed

“.... this is boring” you whined as you climbed over Aitanas sleeping frame to lay down with Keira

“Ssssshhhh Bits...” the englishwoman hushed you gently “... relax...”

“But that's so boring...” you whined right next to Keiras ear

“What do you want to do Bits?” Keira sighed knowing you wouldn't settle anytime soon

“I don't know... this sucks” you grumbled

“Can you tell me what you feel right now?” the blonde spoke lowly not to wake any teammates

“It's boring... and my body is all icky” you said not even able to keep your feet still

“I know being stuck on a plane for eight hours plus isn't ideal for you but we can't do anything right now....” Keira sighed – she knew there was a possibility that your need for movement would kick in and it could've turn into a eight hour flight of hell but she hoped the opposite would be the case but since there was no time to power you out before the team headed for the airport she knew the chance of a calm relaxing flight was about zero

“I hate this flight” you grumbled as Keira tried to calm you down by scratching your neck and baby hairs lightly

“I know Bebita...” the englishwoman said softly “... I know.... just relax okay...”

“I can't...” you whined and started to wriggle around kicking Aitana by accident who shot into a sitting position scared out of her mind swearing loudly in spanish waking up half the team by default

“M sorry” you said shyly when half the teams eyes where on you – Lucy kept on snoring of course subconcussionly knowing Keira was there looking after you

“What happened?” Alexia asked blinking a few times

“She kickeded me...” Aitana exclaimed “out of nothing”

“I didn't mean to” you said ashamed starting to fidget with your finger “los silence Tana”

“First... lo siento” Alexia rolled her eyes “... and secondly... what you mean you didn't mean to kick Aitana”

“It's her ADHD....” Keira said trying to stop your fidgeting by gently taking your hands in hers “... being locked in a confined space for hours makes her fidget-y and squirm-y... she just needs to run it out but... plane...”

“Oh...” Alexia looked surprised and confused “... I didn't know she has..”

“ADHD? Yeah... not something she parades around.. nor do we... we got it under control with the medication and regularly exercise and even if she'll never admit it even meditation helps since it gives her something to focus on” the blonde englishwoman said as you squirmed in her arms kicking Aitana a second time

“I'm sorry...” Alexia said a little lost

“What for... she still is the same amazing person.. she's still y/n Bronze...” Keira smiled when you finally settled your attention on Keiras hands more specific her rings

“How can we help?” Alexia asked as she watched you with a fond smile on her face

“Treat her normally....” the blonde englishwoman shrugged her shoulders “Bitsy... you need to get back to your seat... we're going to land soon”

“But Keiraaaaaa” you whined

“I know... we can walk around a little as soon as we are at the hotel okay” Keira spoke softly

“Can I wake Lucy up??” you suddenly perked up

“Don't break her... we have a Champions League game in two days” the blonde said firmly

“I mean... she doesn't need her nose for playing” you grinned

“No Bitsy...” Keira warned you immediately catching on what your plan was “... wake her up like a normal person”

“Aw maaaan...” you whined

“Bubs... come on.. we can kick around a little if you want” Lucy yelled over wearing her warm up kit with gloves scarf and a hat

You didn't even bother to respond just bringing your hand out under the four blankets to flip her off before your hand quickly disappeared under the multiple layers again

“Vamos Cari... it'll warm you up a bit” Alexia jogged passed and your only action was to sink deeper into the seat pulling the blankets up over your nose

“You want a hot water bottle Bits?” Keira now ask crouching down in front of your seat rubbing her hands over your covered knees

“Yeah please” you mumbled out from under your blankets

“What happened to you?? You're english...” your sister teased you stopping next to Keira taking a sip of tea out of her bottle

“I'm Scottish” you grumbled “... not scandinavianish”

“It's not THAT cold Bubs” Lucy rolled her eye a little

“There was snow this morning Lucy... SNOW” you exclaimed just as Keira shoved a hot water bottle between your body and the blankets “Tweedledee and Tweedledumb might have been happy never have seen snow before but you and I know... when there's snow it's FREEZING... literally FREEZING”

“You wanna go back to the hotel? I can ask someone from the staff...” your sister said softly feeling you didn't exaggerate

“No...” you grumbled “... want cuddles”

“Let me get changed and then we cuddle okay?” Lucy pushed your Barca woolly heat over your eyes before disappearing into the tunnel

“Oy Swedish ref... could you please make some sensible decisions!!!!” you yelled as you shot off Lucys lap “... your monarchy makes the right decision so why can't you???”

“Bubs” Lucy said her voice strained as she pulled you back into the seat next to her “... you can't just yell at the ref”

“Oh but I can... especially when she makes stupid decisions” you shrugged your shoulders “OY!! YOU REALLY WANT TO TEST ME PATIENCE EH??!!!!”

“Okay... you said enough...” your sister slapped her hand over your mouth when the ref send you a angry glare

“youknowI'mrightshe'sbloodyshit” you said your voice muffled by Lucys hand

“Plan was actually that I come on second half but I'll talk to Jona that I can't... you're too.... you today” Lucy said but felt how you started to calm down again

“Alexia..” Lucy jogged after her capitan while you chased after Piña laughing loudly

“Sí?” the blonde spaniard stopped at the tunnel entrance

“If Jona still wants to put me on... can you have an eye on Bubs? She's a little... aggressive today” your sister rubbed your neck

“Of course... and I think whole Malmö heard her today...” Alexia chuckled before she looked out on the pitch “... Claudia Piña!! Stop running the Cariño over!! You are a professional!!”

“Ella ho va començar!!!!” Piña yelled back pouting a little

“No m'importa, atura-ho!!!” Alexia yelled and pointed down the hallway “Vamos!”

You laughed loudly when Piña trotted past her capitan quickly her head hung low – your laugh died in your throat when Alexia looked expectantly at you

“tu també!” the capitan nodded her head towards the locker room

“I didn't do anything!!!” you yelled from the kick off point

“VAMOS!” Alexia yelled and pointed towards the tunnel and you quickly trotted towards her

“Are you okay Cari?” Alexia asked for the twenties time 15 minutes into second half

“It's cold...” you whimpered pulling another blanket over the five already covering you

“Oh Cariño...” the blonde sighed “... come here”

“I don't wanna move” you mumbled under your blankets wearing two sweaters and a jacket already

“Here” Alexia said pulling off her own jacket helping you putting it on

“But now you're cold” you said bewildered but Alexia just smiled

“It's okay.... don't want you to get sick” the blonde smiled

“Gracias La Reina” you smirked knowing she hates that nickname

“Carful Princesa... I can make you run laps” Alexia said flatly raising an eyebrow in your direction

She didn't know now – but this jacket would be your most treasured object and many years later you would tell your niece about how the legendary La Reina got a cold just before Christmas because she gave teenage you her Barcelona jacket

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to hang out with my boyfriend’s best friend?

My [33F] boyfriend’s [30M] (we’ll call him R) best friend (30s M) (call him D) is chronically late but also never communicates anything. I have ADHD and like I get it. I have all the patience in the world for people who are late if they communicate they will be late. But D will never communicate anything, ever.

R and D have a standing game night on Fridays where they go for dinner and play board games. D “normally” comes between 4-5pm. He picks up his kids from school at 3:30, drops them home with his partner and then drives over. It is a 30 minute drive. But in the past, both on regular Friday meetings, and for other meetups, he has been significantly late (3 hours, once!) without saying a word all day.

R wants me to join them on Friday evenings. I don’t have a traditional ‘job’ but I am a crafter with many things to do and also, as mentioned, I have ADHD. Part of that means I really need a specific time to go and do something otherwise I will just be stuck in like “wait mode” all day unable to do anything because I don’t know when I need to stop doing it. The first time I went out with R & D I did lose the whole day (no work done) because we could get no actual information from D on when he was coming, and he ended up not arriving until after 5pm.

I told D I didn’t appreciate not being able to properly plan my day, and that providing a heads up about these things is generally considered polite. I also made it clear afterwards to R that if D continued to not communicate anything and just “turn up whenever, at some point after 4, maybe” then I would not be joining them on board game nights. 

Today I once again only had “4-5ish, I guess” but by 4:30 not only was D not here but R had heard nothing from him, and suspected he had not even left. I told R I was not coming, I had already mostly lost the day - having stopped work several hours before - but I would at least be reclaiming the evening.

At 5:15 R called me to say that D had been arranging to have his partner come, and had been sorting out childcare (in the form of D’s mum). He at no point earlier in the day had said anything about this to R. In fact they hadn’t spoken at all. D then told R they would be leaving at around 5:45, so wouldn’t be here until at least 6:15.

I reiterated that I would not be coming. It was a boundary I set before and was very clear about, and was now enforcing it. D could have said much earlier that he was planning on inviting his partner, would have to arrange childcare, and would likely be later than usual. He chose not to do that, so I am choosing to not go.

R then got upset with me and said he would not be coming over to spend the night at my place the following evening (we have a normal routine on who stays where which days, and he knows unexpectedly changing that without any discussion at all will also mess with my ability to do things. The routine is important to me) because I was being unfair. 

I told him, again, it’s a firm boundary for me. People who won’t communicate anything at all when you have plans (even loose ones) aren’t respecting other people’s time. Even if that’s not the intention it’s still just… rude to the other person. Other people still have lives when you’re not there, and expecting everyone else to just be ready for “whenever” you feel like showing up without a word is not ok. Again, if it happens only once in a while because Shit Happens that’s different. But if it’s every time, with everyone, forever, then really you’re just a bit inconsiderate.

R says he doesn’t feel that way because he doesn’t have anything going on so it doesn’t bother him, so he isn’t upset with D (even though I have things on, so it does impact and bother me, his partner) but he is upset with me because I am “making him feel bad”. D’s complete lack of communication and lateness is not the problem, the fact I am annoyed about it and choosing to stay home is the problem. I said it is not fair to blame me for this turn of events when (unlike D) I was VERY clear beforehand that I wouldn’t be going if this happened, and that if nothing else he should still be at least a little annoyed with D for not respecting my time after I’d already spoken to him about it.

Instead of actually sitting D down and properly telling him “look I don’t have things to do but L does and it does bother her when you don’t communicate anything so it is messing with her work when you do this and that is not ok”, R then said he just won’t invite me to anything ever again. So I can’t be upset if he’s late.

AITA for refusing to go to board game night?

What are these acronyms?

[lucid-loves]

Taste Like Venom ~ Simon "Ghost" Riley Part 5

Pairing: Ghost x assassin!reader (fem!reader, no use of y/n, callsign “Hex”)

Word Count: 3.6k

CW: angst, violence, blood, strong language, scars, enemies to lovers trope, slow burn, fluff, clear attraction and sexual tension, smut later on, reader POV and ghost POV, minors dni, Soap lives in this AU

Let me know if I missed any CWs.

Story Synopsis: After Makarov gets away once again, Laswell decides to force a favor from you, the world’s greatest assassin and best-kept secret. You are now expected to help the 141 with taking down Makarov in addition to playing nice with them. It’s hard to play nice when you have always worked alone. It doesn’t help that one of the team members, Ghost, gets curious about you in each interaction. 

Chapter Synopsis: After days of inactivity, you finally managed to pick up some key information that could lead to Makarov’s downfall. Your proceeding plan, however, makes Ghost incredibly upset. He decides to pick a fight about it on the hotel roof.

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Part 7 ~ Part 8 ~ Part 9 ~ Part 10

The following days were quiet as everyone was focused solely on listening in on conversations. The men rotated in shifts, not one of them able to stand the boring lack of information for too long. You, on the other hand, were able to sit for hours listening and watching basically nothing. Your training had you comfortable with nothing remarkable happening for days. You didn’t even fidget as you sat at the desk, waiting for one of Makarov’s men to slip.

Soap’s leg was bouncing up and down as he sat on the edge of the bed, getting impatient. He wished they went with the original plan. At least that one had some more action. Ghost sitting beside him smacked his knee. “Knock it off. You’re shaking the bed.”

“Sorry, Lt. I’m just bored. We’ve been listening to nothing for days. Is it too late to go with the original plan?” He whined, taking off his headphones to ease the ache on his ears. Ghost would be lying if he said he wasn’t growing antsy too. He wasn’t used to inaction during missions. Who knew when someone would talk as well? They didn’t have time to wait it out for much longer.

Simon looked to the back of your head, your complete focus on listening to passing conversations. You had been quiet ever since you got back from tapping the building. Distant. You have taken extra care to evade the team’s attempts at inclusion. You’ve dodged their meal invites, removed yourself from small talk, and altered your routes to avoid them. Simon was especially missing your attention, your eyes having refused to meet his for days.

It wasn’t like you were blocking out the entire world, though. You still listened in on their comments. Their questioning of your plan. You just haven’t cared enough to respond back. The desire to keep your distance has been stronger than ever, especially since your mind tended to wander towards the night you were on top of Ghost when you didn’t want to. You still remembered the look in his eyes. Passionate. Aching. Feverish. Just thinking about how he looked at you when he was so close to death by your hand made you tremble.

God, and his growing erection? You’ve attempted to make excuses for him. Perhaps it was just something in his pocket. Perhaps it has just been a while for him too. It was just the adrenaline of facing death in the face. It was just him imagining someone else for a second. Someone much prettier. Someone more delicate. 

You knew it wasn’t true, though. He was turned on by you. And you were turned on by him. You couldn’t forget how your own heart was shuttering for him as he wanted you after you bested him. 

This was why it was important to keep your distance. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t get wrapped up in his stupid games again.

There was a knock on the door before Price and Gaz entered, ready to take over for their shift. As soon as Soap noticed his captain, he got up to stretch his legs. Price looked over at you, wondering if you were going to finally take a break after outlasting four shift changes. You didn’t even look in his direction.

“Men, could you give me and Hex some privacy?” John asked. The team knew it was actually an order, so they nodded and left the two of you. As soon as the door closed once again, you turned around and faced the captain, not bothering to take your headphones off. He seemed tense as he took a spot on the edge of the bed. While the stay in Italy has been a refreshing experience compared to the dangerous environments he was often sent to, he felt like it was time to take initiative. 

“Hex, we haven’t gotten any key information in days. We are running out of time. I think it’s about time we go back to the intended plan.” Price delicately explained, not wanting to trigger any anger from you. 

You knew that the 141 was cracking. They weren’t built for things like this. You understood their need to spring into action. However, you still rejected the idea. “We need to be patient. I never promised that information would come overnight.”

“We understand that. We jus-”

You held your hand up swiftly as voices flooded into your ears. Just as quickly, you swiveled around in your chair to face the monitors. A pen was taken up in your hand, prepared to jot down notes on a piece of paper. Price’s brows shot up, adrenaline pumping as it seemed you finally were getting a lead. He rushed to the door and opened it, inviting the men to hurry back in. “She’s got something!”

Before you knew it, you had four large men surrounding you, watching you write down choppy notes that they could barely read. In order to get everything down, you excluded certain letters in your spelling. It was the best way to ensure you didn’t miss anything.

“Holy hell, this is-” Kyle began, utterly shocked over what he was reading. 

“The shipment route.” Ghost finished for him. The 141 now knew how Makarov was moving dangerous weapons across Europe without getting flagged. Where he was probably hiding many of his dealers too.

Just as fast as how the conversation started, it ended. You took off your headphones and brushed out your hair with your fingers. “Paris Catacombs. Nearly 2,000 acres. Only a tiny fraction is available to the public for tourism. Many parts of it are still unexplored.”

You swiveled back around in your chair to look at Price. There was some bite in your question for him. “You still want to switch plans?”

Instead of being annoyed by your dig, he was relieved. Happy, even. He met your cocky smile with a genuine one. “What’s the plan now, Hex?”

“Follow shipment. Makarov’s men are getting ready to move their shipment at three in the morning. We’ll follow them there, dressed as tourists taking a train to Paris. On said train, we’ll plant a tracking device on a few of them. They should lead us right to their catacombs entrance and straight to the supply.” You began to plan out, the men following your every word like you were a preacher.

“Saves us time from searching 2,000 acres in the dark.” Gaz deduced as he mulled the plan over in his head. Good. He really didn’t want to be stuck in such a large labyrinth surrounded by bones. The one that Ghost sewed onto his mask sometimes creeped him out enough.

“Correct. We’ll find whatever else we can silently and discreetly. If we’re lucky, Makarov will come for a surprise inspection. If not. . .” You continued, the gears in your brain turning as you thought of something creative.

They waited for you to continue, knowing that you were calculating this all in your head on the fly. Giving you a minute to think it over was something they were willing to give you. Finally, you finished your plan. “If not, we bring him to us. Makarov isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty if he wants something done. That something will be an interview.”

“An interview?” Price questioned. 

You took a deep breath. You weren’t afraid to get your hands dirty too if you wanted something done. “An interview with an assassin. One unknown to the world looking to join his cause. One that would be willing to kill off the 141.”

Eyes went wide at your proposed idea. Simon was the first to object, his tone dangerously low and warning. “No.”

Your gaze snapped to him, a scowl instantly forming on your face. “I didn’t ask for your permission or opinion. This is the plan going forward. If you hate it, keep it to yourself.”

Price cleared his throat, the days spent with you making him a little more comfortable at attempting to calm you down. “I think what Ghost meant to say is that we’re just worried about you. There’s no telling what he may do to you if you two are alone or if he suspects anything. Do you think you would be able to assassinate him before he gets wise?”

A confident nod made most of their shoulders relax save for one which didn’t surprise you in the least. He looked ready to punch something. For now, you ignored his obvious stewing. “I can do it. Once Makarov is confirmed dead, we can call in for a mass arrest of the rest of his men as well as confiscate all of the weapons. The confiscated weapons could help you figure out where they came from if you trace them back too. That should lead you to the other heads of the hydra to take care of.”

The team gave it some thought before nodding in approval. You’ve earned their trust on this. However, you did feel the need to warn them about how you were going to earn Makarov’s good graces. “In order for him to trust me enough to get close, I’m gonna need to reveal some of your information. Names, dates, reports. Anything to make sure I can slide my knife across his neck.”

They shifted uncomfortably from your transparency. They didn’t like the idea of you handing over their information on a silver platter. However, if it would lead to the success of the mission, they would suck it up. Hopefully Makarov wouldn’t live for too long with it. Price gave his final approval before telling his men to pack up so they can move right on time.

You didn’t join them. Instead, you left the room and headed up to the space you have been retreating to to decompress alone. This time, though, Simon watched you leave with the intention to follow.

~

The sky was painted with beautiful hues of pink, orange, purple, and blue as the sun began to set. The streets were full of people from shoppers to diners. For everyone else, today was just another beautiful day in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. It was crazy to you how so many people could live such normal lives. How you weren’t born into it. How you may never be a part of it. Your time at the cabin didn’t count. Nothing counted when you didn’t exist.

You heard the rooftop door open, no gentleness in how it creaked open. Harsh footsteps broke your peace, the steps getting louder as they approached you. When they stopped, you turned around to face Ghost who was still steaming. He was so close to you that you could smell his soap. It wasn’t the hotel soap that was provided to every guest. It was his own that he must’ve brought with him. It was a rich, spiced scent. Like spiced apples and hot rum. 

“Congratulations, you have convinced everyone else that what you’re planning isn’t absolutely fuckin’ crazy. Are you fuckin’ proud of yourself?” He growled, his hands landing on the stone wall on either side of you, pinning you in place. Nowhere to escape this time. Not unless you used force again. 

“What’s your fucking problem, Simon?! Why have you insisted on picking a fight with me on every single fucking thing that I do?!” You spat back, feeding off of his anger.

Every muscle in his body was tense with rage. He wanted to shake your shoulders, yell at you, talk some sense into you. Makarov was a dangerous man with dangerous thoughts. Who knew what could happen to you behind a closed door alone with him. Or worse, lost in the catacombs. It was a risk he didn’t want to take, despite his team already approving the plan. “You have no idea what you are getting into, Hex. This is a man that took down a plane. A man that organized acts of terrorism around the world. All while trying to pin it on another country. He will stop at nothing to get what he wants!”

God, he was so stupid! His inability to see the forest through the trees was beyond infuriating to deal with. “That’s what we’re exploiting, you fucking jackass! He wants information. He wants you dead! All of you!”

“When you walk into his space and offer your services, he’s gonna want you too. Not just your abilities and empty promises. All of you. Why can’t you understand that?” He coldly explained, his face inching closer to yours as an attempt to intimidate you. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t work. You were just confused followed by incredulous. “Are you implying that he may become attracted to me? Trust me, Simon that isn’t happening. It’s not going to happen.”

Your inability to take the situation more seriously had him burning. It was like his blood was boiling his insides. He was so upset with you. Ghost grabbed both of your wrists and held them tight against his broad chest. He knew he shouldn’t grab you so suddenly, but he needed you to get it. “It is going to happen, Hex! He’s going to want you! Open your fuckin’ eyes to that very real, very likely possibility.”

“How do you know?! How the hell do you know that?!” You screamed as you tried to pull your hands away from his grasp, but to no avail. Being pinned against the wall didn’t help give you more flexible space either. He was just too strong. Too caught up in his whirlwind of emotion, something he has never lost control of until he met you.

“Because I want you!” He finally blurted out, his own breath gasping at his confession. The furious expression you wore melted into pure shock. That was the last thing you expected to hear from him. You almost thought that you misheard him. However, his reaction to his own words indicated that you didn’t mishear or misunderstand. He said he wanted you.

Your heart was beating faster than ever as you processed his words. Was that what his problem was this entire time? He couldn’t handle having a crush on you? You didn’t know if you wanted to laugh or scream at him. 

His gaze darkened as he steeled his expression, trying to salvage the situation. He tried to make his tone more soft, but it just came out even deeper than before in a way that seemed sensual. “I want you to be part of this team. I want you to finally learn how to trust us. Rely on us. You don’t have to do everything alone, Hex. You don’t have to put yourself in such a dangerous situation where Makarov may have the advantage. We just want you to be safe. I want you to be safe.”

His eyes searched yours for any ounce of understanding. Any ounce of surrender. Anything to indicate that you may change your mind about sealing yourself away with Makarov. 

You averted your eyes away from his, breaking his heart painfully. The truth was you didn’t know how to react. You’ve never been cared about this deeply before. Sure, Kate cared, but you two came to an understanding. Kate always lets you do your thing. If you were to die while doing it, then she would retrieve your body to burn and scatter your ashes to the creek behind your cabin. No regrets. No remorse. No worries.

You weren’t sure if hearing Simon establish that it was your safety he wanted instead of yourself made you relieved or disappointed either.

The sick feeling in your stomach when the team praised you for your work came back. Your brows furrowed as you contemplated making your own confession. “I’m not used to people worrying about me, you know? I’m not used to relying on other people either.”

Ghost gave a sigh of relief. So, that’s what you’ve been thinking. For a moment, he thought that you were going to reject him again. Perhaps you were going to reject him soon, but your lack of immediate rejection was promising. “We’ve noticed. It’s something we can work on.”

You shook your head and gave a fake laugh, feeling like a complete idiot. It was a new feeling for you. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“We can start with little things. If you’re uncomfortable with a personal question, just say ‘pass’ and we can focus on a new one. Together.” He reassured, his grip on your wrists loosening. A free hand gingerly took your chin to guide your gaze back on him. Burning with anger, smoldering with victory, or wavering with compassion, he missed your gaze. 

As you looked up at him, you felt your stomach do flips. Ghost’s blue eyes sucked you right in, drowning you in a way that you were both scared of and didn’t mind. Now more than ever, you wanted to know the face behind the mask. Perhaps with time, you would. That was, until the mission was over. Finally, after all of this fighting, you conceded. “Fine. I’ll try.”

Simon bit back his smile under the fabric, trying to hide his joy. “Good. First question; What’s your favorite song?”

“Pass.” You answered quickly, his eyes still pouring into you. 

“Alright. What is your favorite food?” He tried again, his smile slowly evaporating.

“Pass.” You repeated your first answer.

“Favorite drink?” 

“Pass.”

“Favorite color?”

“Pass.”

He huffed in annoyance, the grip on your chin just getting slightly firmer. How were you still frustrating to deal with after you just said you would comply? “You know, you have to answer at least a couple of them.”

You cursed, clearly not being able to help it. “I fucking know that! Just. . . Just give me a minute.”

The sun was setting deeper, some stars gracing the inky black that was making its way across the palate of the sunset. The hum of people on the streets below had quieted down. Live music began to play from one of the nearby restaurants, a soft, romantic melody drifting up to your ears. It calmed you. Allow you to settle down your mind and your heart.

You closed your eyes and finally answered his questions, one by one. Some of them amused him. Some of them were of no surprise. Yet, it all seemed befitting of you. While you kept your eyes closed, taking deep breaths, he answered the questions himself. What finally made you open your eyes was his drink of choice.

Hearing your genuine laugh was real music to his ears. Even if you were making fun of him. “Kentucky bourbon? You mean piss-flavored rubbing alcohol?”

“Hey, I didn’t make fun of your favorites.” He defended, holding back some chuckles himself. That was the usual response to his admittance of enjoying Kentucky Bourbon above all else. He was used to it.

“Alright, alright. My bad.” You continued to snicker. 

A moment of comfortable silence passed between the two of you followed by a magnetic pull. His eyes scanned your face. Your eyes, your nose, your lips. Your lips looked so soft. So. . . kissable.

Your hand slowly went up to tug the edge of his balaclava between your fingers. Now, it was your turn to ask him a personal question. It was only fair. “Why the mask?”

Ghost’s collarbone tingled as your skin grazed his. He gave a light shrug, shaking off the electric current running through him. “Same reason why you keep yourself hidden. Easier to be unknown.”

“I see. . .” You simply acknowledged, your fingers still toying with his mask. They ached to pull it up and see the face that has dared to get close to you. To see if his blonde lashes matched his hair. To see if his lips were as kissable as you imagined. 

His other hand went up and grabbed your hand, stopping you from toying around with it any further. You quirked a brow and smirked. “Let me guess. Pass?”

Your cheekiness was such a turn on. Everything about you was. The more he found out about you, the more he wanted you. Not just wanted you to be part of the team or wanted you to be safe like he told you. He genuinely wanted you. All of you. “Hex. . .”

The door creaked open, causing the both of you to jump away from each other. You turned around, sharing your blush with the sunset instead of Simon and whoever just entered the rooftop. Simon rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat, also flustered. Thankfully, Kyle didn’t notice anything amiss. “Sorry. Been looking for you guys everywhere. Just wanted to extend a dinner invitation. It’s our last night in Italy. It could be nice eating together. You in, Ghost?”

Ghost crossed his arms over his chest, resisting the urge to strangle Kyle for breaking the moment he shared with you. Much to his and Kyle’s surprise, you spoke up. “Does that invitation extend to me too?”

“O-Oh! Yeah, of course! We can all eat together.” Gaz happily responded, over the moon that you were finally going to join them in a meal. Your progress seems to be going well.

You turned after your blush died down and headed to the door, preparing yourself for what was to come. You haven’t shared a meal with someone since you were a teenager. Simon followed right behind you, both proud of you for putting yourself out there, and also jealous that your attention that was on him just a few seconds ago was now going to be shared amongst his team.

To rectify this, we would be sure to be the one to sit next to you while you ate. 

-

Taglist: @eatingtheworldsoffanfiction @dory-98 @cum-tea-and-towels @completelymarveltrash @watersquirtpewpewboomm @thychuvaluswife @sweetheart-im-the-boss @anotherrickinthewall @bluewinter39 @fortunatelydecadentstudent @transparentsheepsheep @rhaenryawhore @randomlyblues @issssawrap @lachimolalaa3 @callsign-pyro @corruptcrybaby

[yourlocalgayelias]

Cuddling with him when you’re upset

———-MASTERLIST-———

Side note: this is part 1 of 2 I’ll be doing

Genre: Fluff (some angst)

Extra note: Gender neutral reader!

~He’s drowned in paperwork he took on

~Diavolo had begged him to help pit so he did

~You came in and was visibly upset

~It had looked like you had been crying for maybe 30 minutes or so

“Hmm? Whats going on?” Lucifer asked standing up to face you

~He was concerned that you looked like a mess and looked you had just balled your eyes out

~You pushed him back into his chair and got in his lap

~You wrapped your arms around him and he wrapped his arms around your waist

“Dont say anything just let me cuddle you.”

“Kinda already doing that love.”

~He picked up his phone (of course he had to remove one arm from around you) and called Diavolo

~Diavolo understood and told him to have paperwork done by the end of the week

~He put down his phone and just held you until you fell asleep

~He picked you up once you were asleep and took you to your room

~He then interrogated Mammon cause he was out with you earlier

——————————————



~He didn’t know you were upset

~He’s honestly a little dumb when it comes to emotions

~So when you storm up to your room he let it be and just went into his room

~Around midnight he felt a pair of arms wrap around his torso

~He slowly woke up to you quietly crying in his chest

~Once he realized you were crying he wrapped his arms around you

“MC, whats going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it”

~He rubbed your back for a while before you fell asleep in his arms

~He went back to sleep since it was late anyway

——————————————

~He was in his room as normal

~You stormed inside his room looking furious

~He was terrified to figure out what he did

~You weren’t mad at him and your eyes soften at the moment you saw him

~You started to cry and he dropped his controller and ran up to you

“Mc?! Why are you crying”

“Satan..*sniff*..he broke my…*sniff*…psp”

~No longer did you need to be upset

~He was more upset cause it was the psp he bought for you

~He didn’t try to show it though

~You pulled him towards his bathtub and pointed for him to get in

~He got in and you immediately got ontop of him due to the lack of space

~You wrapped your arms and legs around him

~He was jealous you were upset over someone else but he at least knew it was no time to be upset

~His partner was upset in his arms

~Eventually you fell asleep and he put a blanket over the both of you and fell asleep shortly after

——————————————

~He knows your upset

~This man is literally the avatar of WRATH

~Of course he’s going to know when someone is upset

~Though he doesn’t appreciate his partner being upset

~Especially if someone made them upset

~When he saw you storming into his room, he open his arms and sat down his back

~You ran over and tucked your face in his chest

~You cried for an hour or so before you or him said anything

“I’m sorry you were reading and you weren’t needing to deal with me”

“No no. You are upset just give me a name and I will deal with it”

“Luke told me my cookies were bad”

~He put you down on the bed and put a cover over you

~5 minutes later Simeon is calling

“MC! SATAN IS TRYING TO MURDER LUKE! COME AND GET HIM!”

~That was the last time Luke ever told you anything of your making was bad

—————————————

~He was redoing his nails in the bathroom when he heard you walking through the halls

~He didn’t think anything about it until you knocked on the bathroom door

“Asmo…..*sniff*…are you in there?” You said as your voice cracked from the amount of crying before

“Come on in hun.”

~And do you did

~You had makeup running down your cheeks

~He put down his nail polish and turned to you

“What’s wrong?”

~You shook your head and went over to him wrapping your arms around his neck

~He understood you didn’t want to talk about what happened so he left it at that

~He grabbed his makeup remover and started cleaning off your face

~After that he helped you to do your skin care routine

~You felt a little better but Asmo wasn’t wanting you to feel sad at all

~He picked you up and took you to your room and laid there with you till you fell asleep

——————————————

~He was in the kitchen finding him something to eat

~That’s when you came in crying

~You ran up to his room and tucked yourself in his covers waiting on him

~He finished up finding a snack for him and went up to his room

“Mc? Are you okay?”

~You didn’t respond but he could hear the quiet sniffs coming from you

~He sat the food down beside the table and climbed into the bed with you

~He wrapped his arms around you and it took you a couple of minutes to flip over

“Would a snack help, Mc?”

~You shook your head but Beel wasn’t taking that for an answer since you never denied it before

~He took out a chip and presented it to your lips

~You shook your head and he knew something was severely wrong

~But he was going to not upset you more so he ate the chip and just laid there cuddling you

——————————————

~He was napping when you came in crying

~He was about to kill somebody for disturbing his nap

~The second he saw you all those thoughts went away

~You just cuddled up with him

~He wasn’t opposed just concerned for you but knew you wouldn’t talk anyway

~He didn’t force you to but fell back asleep once he knew you were sleeping

~Refuses to let you go till you fell better

[amourkive]

EXPEDITION| MYG

a/n: erm....hit a writers block with this one NGL...and I feel like I made it too long at the end. Also added Jungkook bc of the circumstances of the fic lol, I hope you enjoy it nonetheless !! Stay Gold⁷ -miri

masterlist

/ᐠ• ㅅ •ᐟ\

"Hey, you ready?" Yoongi asked, leaning against his car, hands cradled in the warmth of his hoodie pocket. You had just walked out the house, eyes squinting at the assaulting brightness that your house lacked a few minutes prior.

With a single nod, you dragged your suitcase down the driveway of your house, hauling it into the trunk, as you pushed yoongi away to start the car; it was cold and you didn't care for a "gentleman's gesture" at this moment.

"I'm so tired! I should have chosen a later time to leave." You buckled your seatbelt with a whine as Yoongi let out an amused snort, putting the car in drive, slowly leaving the side of the street.

"that's why I'm here...so you don't have to drive yourself, just close your eyes, I'll wake you up when we arrive at the airport, okay? Let Min Yoongi handle this." He stated, pulling a blanket from the backseat, over your lap.

"....okay, min yoongi. I'm trusting you." you muttered, poking the side of his arm, and with that you lowered the seat, covered yourself better, and went back to dreamland.

"Hey, uhm, baby?..." You heard, and you couldn't tell if it was from your dream or not. "baby..." you heard again, and realized it was yoongi. Which, was alarming.

He only ever called you baby in two conditions:

1. when he really wanted you to do something

2.when he does something that he knows is going to upset you so he tries using the baby card

You opened your eyes, face to face with a sheepish looking yoongi, who had his lip in between his teeth. "you called me baby, what did you do." and he put his head down, with a sigh.

"it wasn't my fault! totally out of my control!" he defended himself immediately, pulling away from you, placing his hands on the steering wheel, "the car broke down." he muttered, and you sighed, leaning back into the seat.

of course it did.

Before you could say anything, Yoongi was already next to you again, head on your shoulder, and you knew he felt bad. "you know how the battery gets when it's winter....i should have asked Hyung for his car like you said, and I'm sorry about that, but- then what would be the point in having our car? I thought it would at least make it to the airp-"

"gigi...nicest way possible, shut up." you spoke softly, placing your hand on his cheek, rubbing it comfortingly. "you didn't know it was gonna break down at this moment...did you call anyone?"

you feel him nod his head, with a sigh, "yeah I called a tow company, and Jungkook-he's the closest so he said he'll take you. I'll have to wait for them here." Even though you figured that much, you still frowned hearing it out loud. Yoongi wasn't going to see you off back home.

"well come on...it's cold, and I'm still tired." you sat up, him moving away from you in the process, watching as you, quite difficulty, went to the back seats, with the blanket. You turned to face him, as he sat in his seat, and rolled your eyes.

"I want cuddles, gigi. C'mon~ before I leave, please?" you griped, holding your arms open, for him. (he was going to whether you asked or not, but he liked the extra effort)

once he made it to the back, like a koala to a tree, you clung to him right in-between his legs, his warmth stopping the cold that lingered. Sighing with satisfaction, you leaned into him more, as he ran his fingers through your hair. It was like you forgot the car broke down and you had to make it to the airport in less than an hour.

"how long are you staying at your parents, baby?" he asked, him trying to keep conversation for he felt a little drowsy now himself. "just a month...maybe less, depending." weakly shrugging, turning to face him,

"are you gonna miss me?" and really, him laughing was not the answer you expected. "of course I'm going to miss you. who else is gonna bother me-" "hey!" "sorry not bother, keep me company! who's gonna keep me company?"

You smiled, "Jungkook."

yoongi tsked, shaking his head, "yeah right. more like he'd keep me up more than I already do." "no, baby, Jungkook's right there." In a swift motion, yoongi turned his head to see Jungkook drawing hearts around his head, and he had to force himself to not roll his eyes.

"oh, yay, how nice of him to arrive." he muttered sarcastically, patting the side of your leg, for you to get up, so he can get out and help.

"hello you two lovebirds! having fun ? I bet you were~" with a smack to the head, he pouted, crossing his arms. "I was just kidding! gosh, can't take jokes anymore? what a loser."

At this point, Jungkook was talking to himself, because yoongi had all his focus on you, clambering out of the backseat, and right into his arms.

"can't Jungkook stay with the car, and you take me? no offense kook-" "none taken, really." "-i just...I really wanted you to be there when I left."

Yoongi pursed his lips, looking down at you, wishing he could. "you know I would if I could...but they're gonna need me for the information. I'm sorry, baby."

you nodded, understandingly, because once again, you knew that. But still the circumstances sucked. "it's okay, I give good hugs too hyung." Jungkook added, with a shrug which made you laugh a little. He was trying to lighten the mood, but you don't think yoongi appreciated it.

"you want to get smacked upside the head a couple more times don't you?" he asked, looking over towards Jungkook, his grip tightening on you. "be nice, gigi... he's only trying to be nice. Plus-" you look down at your phone that you pulled out from your pocket, "I should be going now."

yoongi sighed, "how about I just take you instead? Jungkook give me your keys, I'll be back before they even come." jungkook shook his head, "not possible! it's a 30 minute drive there and back! that's more than an hour! I highly doubt you'll be back before they come."

You nodded in agreement, "he has a point, yoongi. Just do what needs to be done." he frowned, "but if we go now-" "Sorry to interrupt but any of you Min Yoongi?" With a look towards you, Yoongi nodded, walking up to the guy, "yeah. that's me. Just- can you give me a minute?"

Once the guy nodded, Yoongi turned back to you, grabbing your face in his hands. "I'll miss you." You nodded, grabbing onto his sweatshirt, "I'll miss you too...I'll call you when I make it there." He smiled, "I know you will...please be careful. If anything happens to you I will-"

"-be on the first plane to me." you laughed, "I know. you say it all the time. I'll be careful, you know, all that good stuff. So, don't worry so much."

"augh, my sweet girl has to leave, what will I do for the next month?" Yoongi muttered, leaning down placing a kiss on your nose, before placing two on your cheeks. You smiled, relishing in his kisses, giggling as he placed one on your lips.

"you won't have to worry about her leaving if you guys don't finish this goodbye. Sorry to ruin this cute moment of course-" "we were getting there, Jungkook! Read the room sometimes man, just go before I might actually keep her here." Yoongi whined, letting you go with one last kiss.

As you walked with Jungkook to his car, Yoongi kept his eyes on you, until you disappeared in the car. As Jungkook drove past, you blew yoongi a kiss, smiling as he pretended to put it in his pocket, finally turning to face the tow guy.

You sat back in your seat, smiling softly. A month. Then you'll be able to give Yoongi all the kisses you wanted.

[testingthewatersss]

Are you my Captain? Trigger warnings for PTSD, mentions of war, arguing, etc. Protective Steve is lowkey an asshole. Bucky Barnes x F Reader Chapter 1 3700 words fluff, angst, tension, comfort. 18+ MDNI

You each tell your own friends. That was the deal you made with Bucky when you finally got together. A year later and he's finally figuring out why you'd been so sure that you'd gotten the better part of the deal with Tony.

“So what exactly were you planning on doing?”

Steve’s voice is measured, even though she thinks the accusatory edge in his words rings through regardless.

“Clearly” Natasha cuts in, “she wasn’t planning anything, she was-”

Y/N’s glare silences her.

“Are you my Captain, Steve?” she asks, speaking for the first time.

“What?” Steve counters, folding his arms, “I’m -“

“I know you’re a captain” Y/N says, “I asked if you were mine specifically. Are you my Captain, right now?”

“No, but-”

“No-” she agrees, pushing up from her desk, “so why on earth would I tell you anything about my the status of any missions I may or may not be involved in?”

The woman is standing now, staring him down as though they’re the only two people in the room.

“Because Bucky—”

“Because Bucky” she mimics with a cold laugh, “Are you his Captain?”

Now he looks hurt. For a moment, she almost feels bad about the mocking tone she’s using, but then, Natasha chuckles from her place in the corner.

“He doesn’t have a Captain, Y/N/N” Steve says, trying not to sound too upset, “I’m just-”

“Concerned.” Natasha interrupts, taking pity on the man, “He’s worried that Barnes is being drafted by SHEILD”

“By me, you mean” Y/N challenges, staring the other woman down, now too.

“You’re the acting director” she replies, not denying her statement, “If anyone was going to bring him in—”

“Then wouldn’t that be his business?”

“So he is-” Steve bursts, unable to hold back

“Have you tried asking him?” Y/N cuts in, patience waning now, “Or did you just decide to come straight to my office and interrogate me?”

Her voice is shaper than even she’d intended, she realises when Steve flinches, biting his cheek and totally averting his gaze.

“Don’t be like that” Natasha sighs, “Of course he’s asked him. We both have.”

“He’s not giving a straight answer” Steve says, sounding almost desperate, “Please, just tell me—”

“No.”

“No?” he repeats, trying to figure out if it’s an answer to his question or his request.

“Steve,” she says calmly — “I’m sorry, but it’s really none of your business.”

“He’s my best-”

“I know” she allows, raising her palms in surrender, “I know you’re basically brothers, I get that, I do, but it doesn’t matter— I am your friend— truly, I am, and I know that I’m the acting director here but no matter how much I like you, I am not in a position to disclose any confidential information about upcoming interventions-” she watches his open his mouth to interrupt, “-or, who may, or may not be going on them, especially without the consent of said person.”

The pause that follows her statement is tense. Natasha breaks it, smiling;

“Alright,” she allows, “Can you at least tell us if you’re going on any upcoming jobs?”

Y/N laughs at that, looking almost proud before shooting her eyes to the door, trying her best to highlight the lack of privacy their interaction is being afforded.

“Yes.” she answers, “I am.”

Steve doesn’t look appeased. If anything he looks even more frustrated than he had when he’d turned up outside her door half an hour earlier.

Natasha, on the other hand, seems to understand the situation perfectly well. She gives her friend a gracious nod and leads the pouting blonde out of the room in silence.

Y/N assumes she’s getting an earful on their trip back to the tower, but since she’d allowed him to come and bother her in the middle of the day, her sympathy is fleeting.

Bucky appears next, knocking twice before walking into her office and locking himself inside.

She barely looks up from her papers, she knows it’s him anyway.

“Stevie’s pissed” he declares, sitting across from her, on a large leather chair, ignoring the way it creaks in protest, “he keeps asking me about next week, doll— he wants to know if I have any plans.”

He thinks her laugh is musical. As he watches her chewing on her pen, absentmindedly flicking through a folder with practised fingers, he can’t help but think about how utterly, totally, in love with her he is.

“What did you tell him?” she says, finally looking up at him.

He’s blushing like a teenager. Cheeks burning hot.

“That I might be goin’ out of town”

She treats him to another laugh. He grins at his lap, bashful.

“Bet he loved that” Y/N says, picturing his dismay, “That’s probably why he showed up with Romanoff”

His eyes snap up then, sweet-natured embarrassment forgotten in favour of genuine surprise;

“I told him that since he is not currently your commanding officer, I’m not in a position to disclose anything you may or may not be working on, on behalf of SHEILD”

It’s his turn to chuckle now. Gruff and boyish as he paws at his chin with metal fingers.

“Y’know,” he says, breaking the comfortable silence, “I think he might be”

“What?” Y/N asks, distracted by a lab report, “he might be what?”

“My commanding officer” Bucky clarifies, “He was, anyway, back in the forties—“

“I think he was released from those duties when you died in combat”

He scoffs at that, looking at her with an expression she can only classify as adoring.

“I didn’t die…” he says, flicking a balled-up scrap of paper at her wrist, “…did, I, doll?”

“No” she allows, realising that he wants her attention, “what are you throwing at me, Barnes?”

She looks at the post-it note, unfolding it to see that it’s one of her own discarded scrawlings.

The oak desk is littered with them, she’s never been a tidy worker— like her brother, she favours organised chaos.

“throwing” he repeats sarcastically, “you’re real dramatic”

That part is said under his breath, but she hears it all the same.

She manages to aim the ball of paper at his face, laughing happily as it bounces off his nose, and landing in his lap.

“Do you want me to call him back here?” she asks, slipping out from behind the surface, “Since he’s still your Captain”

Bucky feels his head tilting back, leaning against the rim of the chair. His eyes are trained on her, on the way she’s moving around, to position her body just in front of his.

“I didn't say that” he says softly, “but he was— he was probably the last one you’d count anyway”

Y/N hums, reaching out to cup his cheek.

He relishes in the contact, as minor as it is, leaning into her palm before she lowers it to his shoulder, acutely aware of their location, and the likelihood of interruption.

“I’ll note that in your file” she teases, “Right next to ‘comes to my office at 4o’clock in the afternoon because he’s bored’…“

“It’s 9-” Bucky corrects calmly, “-You’ve been here all day, Y/N/N— It’s gettin’ dark out— Y’know your brother doesn’t like you drivin’ home at night”

She looks at her watch, and then, when she realises that he’s right, that time has probably gotten away from her, again she nods, lowering her hand to his.

There is a strange lack of background noise, considering how busy her floor normally is.

“So you weren’t just after some attention?”

“Sure I was” he admits with that same, love-sick look in his eyes, “but you know I try not to bother you at work…”

“You could never bother me” she’s quick to assure him, “I love your little visits, sweetheart”

Sweetheart.

Oh, god— he can feel his heart melting.

“You can always just call me” she adds, “You don’t need to come and prise me out of this building every time I get caught up in reports”

“I know” he agrees, “But like you said, doll— I wanted to see ya’, it— it’s been a few days since we’ve had any proper time together and I—”

He stops, inhaling as he brings the hand of hers he’s holding up to his mouth;

“I’ve missed you” he finishes, “So, when your brother asked me to swing by and bring ya’ home I jumped at the chance.”

Y/N smiles, stroking his chin.

“I love you too” she coos, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately… I’ve just-”

“Don’t apologise” he says quietly, “I knew what I was signin’ up for… fallin’ for a modern dame-”

The boyish grin on his face makes her laugh, real and happy as she starts tracing his jaw with the fingers he’s not playing with.

“a modern dame” she clucks, “I guess that about some me up, huh?”

“Mhmm”

“I can’t leave any threads hanging, Buck” she sighs, nodding back towards the mess on her desk, “There are 2 left… 2 HYDRA bases in the continental US… after that, then we’ve at least chased em’ back to Russia-”

“The 2 you’re talkin’ about,” he says, tone even, “Are they the ones you you showed me?”

She nods, indulging his interest by moving so that the map, with the two bases, circled in red is visible.

He moves, effortlessly lifting her so that she’s sitting in his lap.

Y/N allows the adjustment, exhaling contentedly as he holds her against his front, metal fingers bringing the whole pile of papers closer into view.

“I’m sure this one was just a storage unit” he murmurs, tracing the dot in East Texas, “I don’t know how I know…” he allows, “But, all I see when I think about it, is just walls of containers… big, metal boxes and crates stacked up in the dark”

Y/N pecks a kiss to his head and lets him trail his finger across the map to the second area of interest.

“I don’t know what that is” he admits unhappily, “I recognised the others, darlin’— Even the Russian ones- Especially, the Russian ones, but that.. that one, must be new.”

She nods in agreement.

“It is,” she tells him, “Popped up on the radar about a month ago, we haven’t got much intel yet, it’s why I’m commissioning a reckon job and not a ‘completely destroy everythin’ job.”

“And you have to go?” he says, “you can’t send any-”

“It’s safer if I go” she purrs, knowing he hates it, “and it’s quicker, Buck— It’s much quicker if it’s just me, running in and out… No mess, no fuss— and at least I know what I’m lookin’ at— Which makes my job a whole lot easier than if I have to try and decipher a write up from an agent who’s never set foot near an operational base”

It makes sense. He thinks that’s the worst part. How rational her reasoning is.

“Smart” is the only comment he offers, not wanting to encourage her with any further praise, “One person, goin’ in quiet— it’s a good strategy, incase it isn’t empty”

“Don’t sound surprised” she teases, even though she thinks resigned is a more apt description of how he actually sounds, “I’m a Stark we’re supposed to be smart, and I’ve been an agent long enough to know a thing or two about strategy…”

He knows all that. He’s in a state of near-constant awe of her. Of her beauty, and her brilliance, and just… god, just.. her.

She is the most wonderful thing in his life, and the idea of her putting herself in dangerous situations is painful, no matter how well planned out they are.

“It won’t take long” Y/N says, as if to console him, “A day… maybe two, with travel, Buck— I’ll be back before you know it—”

“Please,” he says, ignoring the map, now, focusing all his attention on her face, on the way she’s looking down at him, brow furrowed with concern, “Please let me come, darlin’— I won’t, I won’t be able to take it if you leave me here alone”

“You won’t be alone,” she says, “Steve is here, and Natasha, and-”

“I’ll go mad,” he tells her, knowing it’s the truth, “Steve won’t be able to do a damn thing about it, because I’ll be locked in your room trying’ to convince myself that you’re not just some kind of hallucination I cooked up whilst I was still in a cryo-tank—”

She laughs softly, he thinks its sound is the most comforting sound in the world.

And then, her palm is on his brow, pressing gently over the skin as though she’s taking his temperature.

“I don’t think anyone as sweet as you could dream me up” she sighs, letting him alter their position so that he’s burying his face against her shoulder, “Baby, I just don’t want you anywhere near—”

“I know-” he cuts in, they’ve had this talk before, “-I know you’re worried ‘bout me, but I— I swear, doll, I’ll be better off with you than I will be in the tower. Even if it’s just a day without ya’, let alone a night, I— I won’t know you’re safe, not for sure and I won’t be able to handle it, I—“

She hushes him, carding his hair back with both hands and guiding his face up so that she can see him, properly. He really does look distraught.

“I don’t want you anywhere near a HYDRA base” she says calmly, “I want you safe, away from any kind of fight that might break out— Away from anythin’ that might hurt you”

He’s about to object, to tell her that he knows all of that, but that he’s serious, and that if she leaves him to go and infiltrate some kind of base where he can’t reach her, that’ll hurt him way more than any fight he’s ever been in—

“I don’t want you to come, Bucky—“ she sighs, “—But, I’m not your Captain, either.”

His blue eyes are wide, and she thinks she can physically see understanding flicker across them.

“Nobody gets to tell you what you can, or can’t do anymore” she says, “Not even me, so if you really want to come, then I’m not going to stop you, but you’ve got to promise me that you’ll stay back, that at most, you’ll watch the surveillance relay and call for back up if I need it-”

“Yes, ma’am” he swears, suddenly giddy with relief, “I’ll do whatever you tell me, I—”

“You’re not listening…” she chuckles, “…I’m not your boss, Buck— I am not giving you orders, I am just asking you to take care of yourself for me. If you insist on coming, then please…please stay somewhere where I know you’re safe, where I won’t have to worry about you gettin’ hurt—”

Seeing Y/N’s composure falter is strange. He knows she loves him. She tells him all the time, and despite himself, and all the reasons he can think of why she shouldn’t, he believes her.

and just like that, he gets it.

She’s going to get hurt trying to keep me safe, he realises, if I get too close all she’s going to do is panic about getting me home in one piece, and no amount of planning is going to matter.

“I swear,” he says seriously, “Y/N/N, I just want to be nearby, I— I just want to know you’re safe, I— I’ll stay back… I’ll stay wherever you think is best— I just can’t stay in that tower, with everyone buzzing around, when I don’t know for certain that you’re safe—”

Then, she nods, accepting his promise and tugging him in a fraction closer.

Bucky feels her letting out a soft sigh against his head, and feels his whole body starting to unfurl.

“So what are you going to tell Steve?” she wonders after a pause, “now you know you’re definitely goin’ to be out of town for a night?”

He chuckles, enjoying being able to relax for the first time since this mission thing had been broached in the first place.

“Well, I think the truth is off the table” he mumbles, “since it’d mean havin’ to explain that we’ve been together for almost a year and he hasn’t noticed-”

“…Almost a year…” she repeats, affectionate, “…that’s a real long time…”

“Best year of my life, doll”

The grin she offers him is blinding. He swears it makes his heart miss a whole beat in his chest.

“What do you wanna’ do to celebrate?” she asks, enjoying the look on his face “Tony offered to throw us a party but-”

“That might be a little loud” Bucky murmurs, “If you’d like somethin’ like that then I’d… I’d work it out, darlin’, but I-”

“I’ve already said no” she assures him, “Most of our friends don’t even know there’s anything to celebrate, Buck, it’d be a Stark affair through and through, and I have enough of those booked in for the rest of the decade.”

He tries to think of a way to explain that just being with her is more than he could dream of. That he doesn’t need any celebration, that she is his biggest celebration.

He can’t. The words won’t come, and he finds himself insanely grateful to be with her, now. To be with someone who doesn’t push him to speak when his throat just tightens.

“He had another suggestion…” Y/N soothes, stroking his cheek, “You know how we’ve just payed a bunch of money to renovate Dad’s old place?… Well it’s ready—It’s got a nice lake out back, it’s not too far from all the action, and it’s now fully kitted out with security tech. We could always go there for the weekend?”

“That,” he says, looking a little surprised, “That sounds real nice, Y/N/N”

“Yeah?” she coos, “I thought so too… and that’s not even the best part— He’s promised to cover my calls whilst we’re away, so we’ll get some real, uninterrupted time, huh? Just me and you— It’ll be nice to be off the grid, for awhile.”

Y/N had thought she’d seen him smiling earlier. She’d have said that he’d looked happy, then— if she hadn’t seen the way he’s beaming at her now.

His eyes are creased at the sides, and looks like his grin is going to split his face.

“I’ve been neglecting you, haven’t I, handsome?”

It’s not really a question. Nobody should be that happy to have some quality time with their partner.

It makes her feel strangely guilty. Especially when she remembers where they are, and the way that he’s come to personally drag her out of her office before she can fall asleep in there, again.

“No” he replies quietly, “You’re… You’re perfect…I’m… I’m a little, needy, doll I know I am, I’m workin’ on it but I-”

“You’re not needy” she corrects, “you’re long overdue some attention, Buck… You’re entitled to some fussin’ after spendin’ so long on your own.”

The sound he makes is somewhere between a scoff and a sigh. It makes her heartache in her chest.

“I’m sorry” she says, meaning it, “I know I’ve been caught up in work lately— I promise I’ll get better about—”

“—Don’t apologise—” Bucky cuts in, looking up at her, “—It’s your job, doll, and it’s important, and I know—”

“You’re important”

He’s so, so flattered by her words that all he can do is murmur out an “Oh, god” as his cheeks fill with colour.

and just like that, she no longer feels slightly guilty.

It’s like she’s been punched in the gut.

There’s nothing to distract her—She can see how exhausted he is. The hollows under his eyes are deep set, and dark. There’s a split in his lip that’s halfway healed, and he’s leaning obviously to his right, clearly trying to compensate for the tightness in his shoulder.

and it’s all her fault.

“When did you last sleep, baby?”

He blinks at her, expression suddenly muddled.

She lets her fingers tickle up and across his jaw, noting the subtle way he leans into the contact.

“I got a couple of hours last night” he whispers, swallowing a purr as she tucks a piece of his back behind his ear.

“a couple of hours?” she repeats, “When did you last get a whole night?”

“I’m not sure, darlin’…” he admits, nuzzling into her palm, “…It’s hard for me to settle sometimes when…when—“

“When I’m not there?” she guesses, already knowing that she’s right.

Bucky gives her a tightlipped smile, before pressing a kiss against her wrist.

He looks embarrassed, but only for a second. When he eventually nods, she thinks he seems more relieved than anything else.

She thinks that’s probably sadder.

“It’s not your fault” he’s quick to tell her, “I—”

“—You, are tired…” she says, “…and I, have been spending too much time at the office…”

“-No you hav-”

Y/N’s head shakes, silencing him.

“How many nights have I actually spent at home this week?”

He pauses, blinking considerately.

“I’m actually askin’…” she chuckles, “I’ve lost track of time all together”

“2-” Bucky tells her, nudging her palm with his nose, “-but, it—”

“2 out of 7” she clucks, “That’s bad, Buck, even for me.”

“It’s more like out of 9” he says, “but you asked about this week”

“Jesus” she grumbles, conceding to the way he’s so clearly trying to coax her hand back to his cheek, “Is that counting tonight as a write off?”

He shakes his head and smiles, relishing in the way her fingers are curling across his skin again.

“Well then… We better leave-” Y/N announces, “-2 out of 10 would be—“

“—Not even close to your personal best—” he laughs, even though he instantly stands, scooping the woman in his lap up with a playful flourish, “—doll, but you’re right, we better head back before Tony sends someone else to get ya’—“

“What a terrifying thought—” she teases, clutching his fingers as they start to walk out into the now deserted office building, “—have you eaten dinner yet?”

“No—” he tells her, hearing the distinctive click of Y/N’s security system sealing her office behind them, “— I Haven’t had much of an appetite”

That confession is fairly predictable, given the state he’s been in about the mission.

“Reckon you could eat something now?” she asks, tone blessedly un-judgemental, “We can swing by a burger joint— there are a dozen between here and the tower-”

“Whatever you want, doll”

x | 2 | 3

[ineffably-human]

it's how definitive it is for me. it's how we've actually ficced and debated this for years and they wrote it so crudely and unimportant, in a way that they can't really revisit later. no chance of more thoughtful or better storytelling next year, about one of your show's central goddamn questions.

this is our arguable main character, he is our entry point into everything else. and as that entry point, Guillermo's story is about dedicating his entire life to something, finding meaning in it since he was young, finding and latching onto it when he's not even supposed to know it exists. clawing his way forward for a place at the table where he's decided he wants to sit. risking his life at least a half dozen times I can think of.

Guillermo's story is about damaging his relationship with the entire rest of the world, throwing himself in with people who take years to admit they even like him. rejecting his family and his innate nature and lineage. tying his most important relationship up in it: this is the person who'll give him the thing he wants most in the world. one day Nandor will look him in the eye as an equal, as someone Like Him, who can stand next to him forever. his relationship with Nandor, at every stage, has always been a combination of 'do I want you or do I want to be you? does claiming me as one of yours mean I am yours? am I allowed to have forever with you?'

Guillermo's story, this season, is reacting to every single stage and marker of finally getting what he wants with joy, with the exceptions of 1) stepping away from a family that never seemed to understand or fulfill him in the first place, 2) having it happen in a less than ideal place and way, hurting Nandor in the process. the central problem of his turning isn't his feelings, which are extremely clear, it's how this impacts his relationship with Nandor. (answer: exactly the way you think it will. he's upset and then he gets over it. nothing else changes.)

and then suddenly we're told: Guillermo can't be trusted about what he's consistently said he wants. he hasn't given thought to a regular, inextricable piece of what it means - even though he's been next to, and engaged in, violence that's way more direct and bloody and sometimes even more senseless. the guy whose vampire entry point was Anne Rice never thought about The Horrors for some reason, because he's an idiot now. some people can Handle It and some people Can't, and he Can't because by the way when the vampires said he couldn't get what he wanted because he was lacking in some way, they were right.

suddenly, in the eleventh hour, it's off the table now. and even though every single other part of him has been tied up in it for his entire adult life, that's somehow a simple decision to make.

and more importantly, the show is going to take maybe five minutes at best to tell us that, and to make it clear it's not something that's a 'maybe' or a 'someday'. character development can't smooth it out. he can't try to fix it. it's just how it is.

yeah, of course in life you prepare for things that then swerve unexpectedly and take you in different directions. there are things you dream of that aren't how you imagine in reality, and you change gears, and you adapt.

and those are huge moments. they matter.

Guillermo doesn't get to mourn it. he doesn't get to reflect on where it places him with his loved ones. he doesn't even really get space to decide it on his own before declaring it in front of everyone he's ever met.

he has no anchor for his entire place in the world anymore, and if the amount of attention and care paid (read: very little) means anything, we're not supposed to feel very much about that at all. and we're not meant to have any indication of where he's going next. and I fucking hate it.

it's a lazy, thoughtless, botched-ass job, and I expected better.

[yankstrash]

what if meels missed an important event or game that she promised to be at and it starts a fight between them

she wanted to be at his game, she really did. however, she had an important exam monday morning and despite her studying for it all week, amelia was still unsure she understood the material. so as much as she didn't want to, she stayed home from the game vs boston university to study.

it was a very last minute decision. she fully intended on putting her studies aside for a few hours to go to gabes game, which she knew was extremely important because they were playing their rival, but when 4 o'clock came and her head was still buried in her books, she ultimately made the decision to stay home.

she hadn't seen her boyfriend yet today, intending to meetup with him at the arena right after the game. gabe was already at the arena for warm ups, so there wasn't much else she could do besides send him a text that she wasn't coming and hoped he'd see it before taking the ice so when he looked up in the stands and didn't see her, no panic would occur.

from: meels 💗

"hi baby, i'm really sorry but i need to stay back tonight and study :( i know you really wanted me at this game, i know it's important but i'm in a crunch. i'll be cheering you on from my desk with the game on my phone, kick ass!!!! i love you, see you later ❤️"

she waited for a reply, but never got one. that made her anxious because gabe was already nervous about the game seeing as it's so important, and she did not want to add to his anxiety by him not seeing her in the stands. unfortunately, there was nothing else she could do. she texted him, and whether or not he sees it before taking the ice is out of her control.

hours went by and suddenly it was 10 pm when amelia finally decided to call it a night on studying.

wait.

it was 10 pm.

shit.

she hadn't looked at the time since she put her phone down after texting gabe

gabe..

the game...

shit....

she completely forgot to even turn it on and watch it.

any of it.

she missed the entire game after blowing off going.

she quickly reached for her phone and opened her espn app to check the score.

boston college lost 5-1.

shittttttt.

gabe never responded to her text earlier. amelias heart sunk at the thought of this all. she was about to send him another text when there was a knock on her bedroom door.

she voiced a "come in" and in walked her boyfriend with messy, wet shower hair and a less than pleased look on his face.

she weakly smiled when she saw him and got up to give him a hug.

"hi baby." she said as she wrapped her arms around his torso.

even in his worst moments, gabe always gave her a tight hug back. however, she could barely feel his arms around her as he hugged her back, if you could even call it a hug.

she rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him. "tough game?" she asked, trying to keep light of the situation.

gabes face showed zero emotion as he said, "not at all. we only got our asses kicked by our rivals in the most important game so far this season and my girlfriend blew off coming barely 2 hours before puck drop after she promised me she'd be there. but no, it was a great game meels!"

amelia did not miss the sarcasm laced in his voice. but there was something else there too.

hurt.

amelia sighed as she kept her lips in a tight line.

"baby, i'm sorry. i am sorry, i really wanted to be there, i did and i was planning on going but-"

"but you just couldn't put anything else aside for a mere 3 hours to come support me in a big moment. i get it." gabe said as he released his arms from around her and sat down on her bed.

she knew he was upset, and he had every right to be, but the cheap shots he was taking were not gonna slide with amelia. he's acting like she didn't care one bit and-

"please tell me you at least watched the game here?" gabe interrupted her thoughts.

amelia went stiff at his question, and her reddening cheeks and lack of response was gabes answer.

he pursed his lips and nodded his head before shaking it.

"so you couldn't even watch it either? seriously amelia?"

oh he was upset.

the use of her full name was a dead give away.

"gabe, baby, i'm sorry, okay? i intended to go to the game and when i decided i couldn't i intended on watching it but-"

"you mean decided what your priorities were."

this comment made amelias blood boil.

yes, her priority was school. her priority will always be school. that's why she's here in the first place, isn't it? amelia has always done her very best at prioritizing school, the reason she is here, while also making time for gabe and being in a healthy, thriving relationship.

she has one slip up and suddenly he's eating away at her for it?

not fair.

"okay, i let you get away with quite a few jabs there but that one i'm not gonna let slide." amelia said as she went and stood right in front of gabe with her hands on her hips.

"yes, school is my priority, gabe, but that does not mean you aren't also one. unfortunately tonight i had to put one in front of the other and ultimately it had to be the one that you don't like and i apologize if that hurts you but it is what it is, honey."

the couple stared at each other for a few moments before someone spoke up.

"i can deal with my girlfriend missing a game and i can deal with her not being upfront about it to my face even though she knows how important it is, but i am very upset that you still made no effort to even turn it on while you were here and all i get is a lousy text 2 fucking hours beforehand saying you won't be there. that made me feel like shit, meels."

amelia threw her hands up as she said, "at least i told you! i could've blown you off completely. and as i was trying to say earlier before you cut me off, i had every intention to turn it on while i was studying but i got caught up and it just didn't happen and i'm sorry! but it's one game, gabe! one! you can't punish me for that when this is literally the first game of yours i have missed since we started dating!!"

gabe sighed heavily at her words, turning his head to not look at her before pinching the bride of his nose in frustration.

"i texted you early enough so you could at least see it before you took the ice. did you not see my text until after the game?" she asked in a calmer tone.

gabe chuckled slightly and crossed his arms over his chest as he said, "oh i saw it before the game."

that made amelias head spin with frustration.

"so you just decided not to answer and leave me here worrying that you'd panic right before your game about not seeing me in the stands?"

"i decided not to answer because i was pissed off." he says bluntly.

she was about to respond when gabe spoke up again. "and i know it was only one game and i know it's the first one you've ever missed, that's not why i'm upset. it was the game. if you had missed every other game this year and only came to this one i would've been less upset than i am now. but amelia you know how big of a game this was and how badly i wanted- no, how badly i needed you there! and you promised me you'd come! i'm trying so fucking hard not to sound like a selfish asshole right now because i know school is your priority, but fuck baby i really needed you there for me tonight and you weren't and the whole game was shit and the very last thing i was hoping for to make this whole thing not as bad was that you would've at least watched the game, but you didn't! the very least you could've done after breaking your promise and blowing me off! at least then i would've felt like you didn't completely not care."

at this point amelia was on the verge of tears at how upset her boyfriend was.

he wasn't mad.

he wasn't annoyed.

he was upset. really, really upset.

upset because he felt like he was completely placed on the back burner tonight despite voicing the importance of tonight and how badly he wanted his girlfriends support.

and he would've accepted the bare minimum, and she couldn't even deliver that.

would gabe have been this upset if the game had gone their way and they would have won? probably not, he probably would be going a little easier on her, but considering they got crushed by their rivals at home on top of everything else, she understood his meltdown.

amelia sighed as she put her head in her hands, trying so hard not to cry.

she didn't want gabe to think she was crying so he would crumble and comfort her at the sight of her tears, because if anything she should be the one comforting him right now.

she went and sat next to him on the bed. he let out a sigh as he looked over at her.

"i'm gonna get this out of the way and say i'm not gonna apologize for staying back to study. sorry, but i'm never going to apologize for putting school first. however, i do apologize for how upset i made you and i understand that you feel like i let you down and that i couldn't even give you the bare minimum for something i did promise to do and knew how important it was to you. you're right, i should've at least watched and i should've been more on top of that instead of getting distracted. and yes, i could've taken a break and driven the 10 minutes to the arena to tell you face to face because i know how important tonight was to you, but i didn't and i let you down and i am sorry."

for the first time since he got here, gabe tightly wrapped his arm around amelias shoulder and pulled her into him. she couldn't hold herself together anymore as she began to let tears slip out and fall onto his sweatshirt.

"i am never gonna be so selfish and sink as low as to ask you to prioritize me over school. i don't blame you for not apologizing for that, i would never expect you to. however, i do feel a bit let down that you didn't give me minimum effort for something so important and something that is my priority."

amelia nodded her head on gabes shoulder, understanding his point of view.

"i'm sorry i let you down and broke my promise. i never intended to do either of those things, but everything just got overwhelming and you ended up getting hurt by it and i'm so sorry, baby." amelia said, finally looking at gabe.

gabe pursed his lips as he said, "it's okay, princess. the game happened and now it's over and it's time to move past it. however, i am going to be selfish here and plead for your presence at the rest of our home games because genuinely, i need you there. i don't care how pathetic it sounds, i need your support with me meels. i am not my best without you."

amelia smiled and nodded her head, agreeing to that.

"i can make that work. and to make it up to you, i will be at the game when you play BU away. no matter what's going on, i will be there. i promise, and i'm not breaking it this time, or ever again."

amelia thought about that statement before revising it.

"well, if i have to break it i promise to put more than bare minimum effort in to make up for it."

gabe smiled at her, pulling her in closer to place a kiss on her head.

"works for me, baby."

[latinapoetbts]

New Years Eve - KTH > Y/N [Latina] Short OS

Summary : * Smut, 18 + Y/N and Tae Hyung are old friends. You have been in love with him since you first laid eye on him since middle school. Keeping a friendship and controlling your feelings for him had been hard. It had been four years since you had last seen him and now you are visiting your home town for the New Years holidays. Find out what happen between the two of you once you see each other again. Part 1: You had not been back home in 4 years, or what you considered home in high school.  You were excited and happy to see old friends. It had been two years since your father had passed and so the only reason you came “home” was to see your best friends that were like family. You knew your friends would be a great support system for you during the holidays. The plans for your five day stay were set. You were staying at your best friend Jay’s home. She was thrilled to have you, you both had been friends since middle school, she was like a sister to you. The first night would include dinner with friends followed by latin dancing. The next two days were for hanging out and lastly the New Years Time Square drop with friends. Jay picked you up from the airport and drove you home. You guys spent the next few hours talking and getting ready for the dinner party. At least 20 of your good friends from high school had RSVP. Both of you were looking forward to catching up with everyone. 

“Is he coming, y/n?” Jay asked you.

“Uh, no he isn’t because I didn't ask him. Besides he doesn’t even know I’m here, so it doesn’t really matter”. You were hoping she would not ask anything else about him.

“Why are you being like this y/n? Just call him, I bet he’d be happy to come and see you. I remember the last time he was so upset that you didn't tell him you were home.” You scoffed at the memory of the conversation you had with him that day 4 years ago, his voice raised, nearly shouting at you, ‘...didn't you think I’d want to see you? How can you be so selfish...’. Yet nearly 4 years later and that was one of the last times you both ever spoke to each other. Anger and pain flared up in you thinking about all the time that had passed without one single call or text from him. 

“Jay, I don’t want to ask him, I’m sure he's busy.” 

“Y/n if you don’t call him I will and I don’t care if it embarasses you”. You knew she meant it, Jay always spoke her mind and did exactly what she said she would do.

“Ok, Ok, I’ll do it right now.”  You grabbed your cell phone and scrolled your list of contacts stopping on Tae Hyung. You felt a pit in your stomach forming from nervousness. You were angry and hurt but at the same time you could not deny that your heart still belonged to him. You had told him once before in a drunk 3 am phone call, that he was like an incurable disease that your only relief was to get as far away from him as possible. Which is a large part of the reason you chose to go to college in California. You let out a deep breath and started the call. 

“Hey you,” It had been roughly four years since you had heard his deep sultry voice and you were trembling just at the sound of it. You noticed their seem to be a hit of excitement in his tone. You spoke, your voice lacking confidence.

“Hi Tae Hyung, It's me, y/n”.

“I know I have your number in my contact list”.

“Oh... Right, So... what are you doing right now?” you ask trying to sound more confident.

“I’m about to watch a movie with someone, just finished buying tickets.” You wondered if he was on a date. 

“Oh...I see.. I'm sorry I’m bothering you.... I’ll let you go.” You fumbled your words.

“No your fine your not bothering me, I knew it was you and I wanted to answer. If you were bothering me I wouldn’t have answered. ” That put a smile on your face. 

“Oh, ok well I’ll be quick then. I’m in town right now and I have a dinner set with some friends from high school at 8 tonight at Bonita’s Taqueria if you want to come. If not its cool I know you're busy,” you quickly try to give him a reason not to come. 

“I’ll be there put me down for two. Just text me the address. “ You were surprised by his answer and absolutely bursting with excitement and nervousness. You said goodbye texted him the address and decided to work a little harder on looking hot for the dinner party. Jay helped with your makeup and hair and let you borrow a low v neck top.

“Girl you gotta be looking sexy tonight by accentation all your assets and you have plenty of them”. You laughed and blushed at the same time. 

“Jay he is bringing someone, I'm sure it’s a girlfriend”. Your heart sank slightly even admitting that.

“So, it's not like he's married”. You shake your head at your best friend she was wild. You secretly wished whoever he brought was pregnant, hoping that extremity would help you move on from him. 

*************

You both arrive at the restaurant and see nearly everyone seated already. You both give hugs to everyone. You sit with your back to the entrance your stomach doing somersaults with anticipation of him coming. Maybe he won't come you thought hoping that might calm your nerves. That’s when you felt it, a chill throughout your body and your stomach contract, all you could think was, you knew he was there you could feel him. You even tell Jay, I think he’s here now, walking up. She laughed and then paused for a moment. 

“Damn girl that is some psychic stuff there yup he is walking up now just about to get to the door to come inside.” You take in a few deep breaths and turn to meet his gaze. You stand.

“Hi Tae Hyung” you say as you approach him leaving space between the two of you.

“Hi y/n!” he says as he pulls you in for a tight embrace that nearly took your breath away. You let go and take him in. He had grown taller and had really filled in. He was even more gorgeous than before. He was no longer the tall scrawny 18 year you had left behind. You could feel his eyes on you, taking in every inch of you from your head to your toes. He did not even attempt to hide his long pause at your chest. You wondered if he could tell you were blushing. 

“Oh ya...this in my cousin Jin. you might remember him.” You greated Jin.

“Yes I do remember you it's been a long time”.  You take a seat at the table and Tae chooses to sit directly across from you. He removes his black leather jacket and you take in more of his broad shoulders and firm chest. You both engage in small talk and you are barely able to keep eye contact with him. You hoped he did not notice how nervous you were around him. Slowly it started to feel like old times as the two of you bantered back and forth about your days in high school together, nearly appearing to be flirtatious. You tell him about the plans to go latin dancing and how everyone is going.

“I really would love to and I wish I could go but I have work tomorrow early, so I can’t. But I really want to see you again before you leave. Are there any plans I can just crash, even New Years eve, I don’t have anything super important that night?” You think for a movement.

“We are going to see the ball drop downtown at Times square. If you want to come?” You tell him. You watch him pause for a moment in thought.

“Maybe, I’ll let you know, I was hoping it would be something a little more low key so we can actually talk more.” You swallow taken aback by what he had just said that he wanted to be able to talk with you more. 

“Who all is going?” he asked, looking around the table.

“Um at least 14 from here tonight.” You tell him biting my lip. He is silent and you could tell his mind was deep in thought as he stared off in the stance deep in his own mind. 

“hmm...I have an idea.” He stands up and hollers for everyone's attention. Everyone turns to face him.

“I want to formally invite you guys to a New Years Eve party at my new apartment. It has a great view of the ball drop.  Drinks on me!” The table roared with cheers and drinks raised to Tae Hyung. You were very surprised at his sudden invitation and puzzled on why the sudden party plan when he originally sad said he had no special plans? Your heart begins to flutter uncontrollably at the idea not the possibility that his spontaneous idea was spurred on because of you. You felt like you would combust but quickly tried to push the idea out of your mind. You think to yourself, ‘he is probably having so much fun meeting up with old friends that he wants to get together again, it's silly for you to think he’d do all this for you’. You drank from your margarita trying to get your mind off him. The dinner came to an end and Tae Hyung insist on paying the bill for you and Jay. But you forcefully decline and thank him. After you paid your bill you talked with the group going Latin dance and agreed the group would start heading that way. You watched as Tae Hyung said his goodbye to everyone. You waited patiently and nervously afraid to make the first move in initiating the departure. 

“Y/N where did you park?” 

“We are in the furthest part of the parking lot”. 

“I’ll walk you there,” You smile up at him.

“Y/N I’m going to use the bathroom, don’t wait up I’ll meet you at the car,” Jat says winking at you. You turn to face Tae Hyung.

“Sure.” You say as walk alongside you.

“Y/N, I had a really good time with you tonight. I’m glad you decided to call me and let me know you where home this time and glad you invited me to dinner”. Hearing what he just said struck a chord in you. You felt a tingle of giddiness at his acknowledgement of his enjoyment of being with you but also a slight pain knowing 4 years had passed without him ever trying to contact you. Your heart was drowning in his soft words but you also felt slightly angry. 

“Ya me too, I really appreciate you coming out with such short notice. I honestly didn't think you’d come, I didn't  think you’d want to see me after 4 years with no contact not even a birthday text…But...” You tried to sound casual but your words fail you. 

“Y/N, that is one of my biggest regrets, not ever calling you and staying in touch, but please don’t put it all on me, the phone works two ways and I’m here now. I’d hope you’d realise the reason behind this party was you.” You looked up at him, tears nearly threatened to escape your eyes. You were shocked at the tenderness you were hearing. You could not believe that he was throwing this party for you. You try to hold back your emotions, ‘don’t get too wrapped up in this remember the promises he made last time’. 

“Well Tae Hyung I’m not sure why you would go out of your way to throw a New Years Eve party for the sole purpose to hang out with me. It sounds suspicious if you ask me.” You try to sound non threatening and playful to light up the whirl of emotions you were experiencing inside of you. 

“Your suspicious of my intentions Y/N? Really? We have been friends since middle school, what did you have in mind that I might do?” He smirks one eyebrow raised.

You attempt to fight back your nervousness. His comment reminding you of old times but with a new twist, forward flirtation. You both had always flirted since middle school but in an immature way, playing jokes on one another each time upping the aunty. Pushing each other in the pools, painting each others faces during a nap. Snowball fights followed by wrestling always ending by you being pinned down to the ground him straddling you hands pinned above your head. Always remaining in that position until you surrendered to his request. You calling him “Taedaddy”. A smile forms on your lips from the memories. 

“Well I don’t know, you're capable of anything. Perhaps retribution for the last prank before I left to California? If I remember correctly I bested you for sure. My only regret was not being there to see your face.” I laughed but also felt a tinge of blush to my face. The details of that prank resurfacing in your mind. A bit of regret after hearing the words leaving your mouth. Imaging what you might have just insinuated that might as well be considered an invitation. 

“Ah, yes y/n not that I ever have forgotten but I am glad it is now fresh on my mind. You’re right you may have bested me but less you forget I don’t get mad I get even and when I do…”. He neared your face dangerously close to your lips. His almond shaped eyes locking with you. You held his gaze interrupting him. 

“Yes, I know, it will be 3 times worse”. You roll your eyes, “I’m starting to consider alternative plans” You giggle trying to lighten sexual tension arising within you. 

“Oh no y/n it would not be a party without the honored guest and you won't want to miss this, I won't allow it...” he says his lips now grazing against your ear, his body inches from yours, your back now cornered against your car.  What is going on you wonder to yourself, why was he being this flirtatious. You definitely felt nervous, slightly breathless and a slight sense of eroticness pooled deep within. All the years of playful banter and jokes you shared together he had never whisper heavy breathes into you ear or hover his lips inches from yours. The gleam in his eyes was like nothing you’d ever seen before. You were not sure how to respond.  Finally your body responds. You place your hands firmly on his taunt chest and push him away as hard as you can sliding from underneath his frame. 

“Tae Hyung, shut up you're so damn dramatic if you think that is supposed to scare me, you don’t know me at all.” You laugh trying to change the mood and swat his arm. He breaks his aroua and laughs.

“Ok but you have to be their or I’m going to just assume your chicken.” He smiled coly.

“Of course I’ll be there” you opened the car door.

“Hey…” He grabs your arm and brings you into a warm embrace. You respond hugging him back just as tightly.

“Y/n you can't get away from me without a hug...I won't allow anything less. “ You melted into his embrace. You both pull away as you hear Jay greet the two of you. He says goodbye closes your car door and walks away.

“Ok y/n was was that? I thought you guys were kissing from where I was standing!”. You giggled.

“No, girl he was just you know being Tae Hyung, trying to “dominate” me all the time like he owns me. Whatever, I ended everything with the best prank. So I won in the end.” You laughed as you started the car and drove off.

“Oh yes, girl I remember you sending me that picture. It was fucking funny. I can’t believe you were able to tie him to the bed shirtless and then write that he sucks the best dick ever, followed by “call for a good time”, dumbass for getting that drunk.” You laughed harder but stopped and felt your face flush when the idea of him tying you to the bed for revenge sounded delightful. You danced the night away at the club with friends and slept in the following morning.

[larryrickard]

trauma from performing cpr

i don't even know if i want to post this here, but whatever. i'm trying to talk about it to bring awareness and to process shit. i'm finding surprisingly little about this. it's also been a hell of a fucking week and i'm worried for my own health tbh. i've written shorter versions of this on fb & ig but i should probably get ALL of it out and well hello tumblr, you have the room for it and are technically a blogging site. so here we go. if you read all of this, bless.

thursday 07/11, my stepdad (R) feels unwell and my mom, as symptoms begin to stack up, suspects a heart attack and takes him to the hospital. he is indeed having a heart attack. he never lost consciousness. he's transferred to another hospital and has two stents placed.

sunday, 07/14, he comes home.

friday evening, 07/19, one of the stents fails (we won't know this until later). he immediately lost consciousness. i overhear my mom ask if he's ok, if it hurts, and "i'm calling 911". she yells for me. i go downstairs to hear her telling 911 that he's not breathing properly, she can't tell if he has a pulse, and that he's turning purple. my brain immediately goes into overdrive. all i can think about is how we need to perform cpr (my mom panicked and hadn't even thought of that and this upset her. i pointed out that it's understandable, and the 911 operator would have gotten her there, i probably only just beat them to it). i run to unlock the door for emergency services and when i come back, we manage to get him out of his chair and i start cpr (more about that later). my mom eventually had to take over. thankfully shortly after that, EMTs/fire arrive. at one point my mom counted nine of them, plus the two cops who showed up. they work on him for what i initially thought was like 30 minutes but was more like an hour. they finally get him stable enough to be able to transport him to the nearest hospital with a cath lab and availability.

between here at the house and at the hospital, they'd shocked him at least eight times. he was very unwell. i stayed behind, as did three EMTs. i figured they'd just collect sharps/biohazard stuff and be on their way. i was fully expecting to clean the rest up myself, and to put back all the furniture we'd moved (getting him out of his chair, moving stuff out of the way so it was easier to get him out on the stretcher). but no, they grabbed everything they could, and put the furniture back. i knew, if i were them, i'd have done the same thing and not thought anything of it. but it was just such a small gesture that really got to me and meant so much.

i'd called his sister (N) and my mom's sister (B). so my mom at least had B, N and her husband (R2), and one of their daughters (N2), who is a nurse. (wildly, my mom's niece (B2) is also a nurse and they attempted to call her in to help but she said no, that was her uncle, and obviously was immediately disqualified from the rotation.) he's so unwell that N tells my mom that if she wants to take R off life support, it's her decision and N fully supports her. shortly after, one of the doctors comes out and says R has improved slightly and said he was following instructions. we (doctors + family) had been worried the lack of consistent blood/oxygen flow would have left him with severe brain damage and/or damaged organs/extremities.

my mom (and N2?) go to see him. she talked to him, and he would try to pull out his ETT (breathing) tube. my mom would gently guide his hand down, and tell him no, that it's okay, just try to breathe normally, don't fight it. at that point he got tears in his eyes. eventually, B, N & R2, and N2 made my mom go home to try and get some sort of rest.

saturday, 07/20 at 3:30am, the doctor calls to say R is stable but obviously in v critical condition. they have some sort of pump on him to help his heart, but it's too small for his height/weight, so they want to put a larger one on him. they're going to transfer him to another hospital who has one.

my mom and i manage to get a few hours of sleep. my mom and i talk some in the AM. we have no idea if he's going to get any better. and if he does, we have no idea who he is going to be if he does. i ask if he has a living will, and my mom didn't think so. we talk about how, knowing him, he probably wouldn't want to be kept alive if there'd be no good quality of life. she was thinking she'd tell the doctors not to save him if he codes again. out of curiosity, she goes looking for his will and finds he has a living will (that's like 15 years old so no wonder she forgot), which confirms what we were thinking. that removes any doubt my mom might have had should she do those things. she later felt bad that she'd allowed him to be saved at all at the hospital (the heart pump thing) and i told her what did she think R would have done if it was her. or any other pair of loved ones. immediately go looking for a living will, or follow them to the hospital and ask that they be saved? of course it's going to be the latter.

a doctor calls and talks about wanting to try to get R onto ecmo, so that his heart can have a rest. the right side of his heart was now damaged as well, and the doctor was hoping that if they could do this procedure for at least 3-5 days, his heart might get precious rest and it'll profuse blood through all his body instead of the smaller pump that couldn't fully do that. it would also give them an opportunity to see if there was any organ damage. they might even know sooner than that.

they had to sedate him because he kept trying to pull out the tubes again. given that he was still following instructions and seemed to have heard her the day before, my mom had a hard time trying to decide whether or not to do the procedure and how best to honor his wishes. we decided to go ahead and give this a try. it'll give us answers, and we can go from there. we'd only be keeping him to see if there really is anything TO be kept. my mom tells the doctors if he codes again to withhold life-saving measures.

my mom and B go to see him. i didn't want to see him like that. especially after having to see him like i did the day before, and the trauma i'd experienced (again, more on that later).

my mom and B come home around 3:30pm. obviously, this is not a good sign. i know it has to mean he's gone. they confirm he is. that they tried to get him onto ecmo, but his heart started going crazy. the doctors believed so much that ecmo could help, that they performed some cpr to try and get him onto the machine. after several minutes, they stopped.

as with many deaths, it didn't feel real. he was feeling fine. there were no symptoms that something was wrong. he was just... out, and then there was a sliver of a sliver of hope that i was doing my very best to not think about (though i did have the thought of telling him he owed me, for the cpr, as a joke).

before he died, one of the doctors told my mom that we saved his life. if we hadn't performed cpr, EMTs would have had nothing to work with. that even if he didn't survive this, we gave him the chance TO survive it. this took a huge weight off my shoulders. i literally felt lighter. various people i talked to about it called me amazing. brave. badass. someone even said i was "heroic". that's not how i feel. i'm fucking traumatised. even over a week later. thankfully, i knew, going into cpr, that breaking ribs was a big probability. i'm glad my brain reminded me of that beforehand and not as i did it. i've also since learned usually it's more like separating cartilage from the sternum, but going by the sounds, and the feeling... at least one rib was broken. most likely multiple. also possibly just reinjuring one. it was horrible. i obviously kept going because i know a sore chest is better than being dead. he occasionally gasped for breath, which in the moment was comforting because it meant i was doing it right. but the whole thing will not leave my mind.

cpr is as exhausting as they say it is, but thankfully adrenaline helps with that. i had to stop and let my mom step in. i literally fell over and almost fainted, i was so woozy. i hadn't been paying attention to my own breathing. probably not enough and probably breathing too quickly. i was sore as fuck for about two days.

i called a crisis line that night in order to get help until i could see my psychiatrist. i needed something to help me with the thoughts. immediately after EMTs/fire arrived and took over CPR i literally thought "i hope i don't get ptsd from this" lol.

(i will say, i did get to see a lucas device in action. these are amazing machines that perform chest compressions for the EMTs to free them up to do other important life-saving techniques, as well as save them from the exhaustion. it's also more accurate than a human. seriously, look them up.)

the crisis line gave me the advice of: let the thoughts happen. they're obviously going to. it's me and my brain's way of processing everything. but, to then let them go. i asked what did they mean by this. they said think of something else, distract myself. don't focus on the thoughts or let myself spiral. easier said than done, obviously, but it did give me some sense of control. i couldn't control those thoughts, but i could do my very best to control the next one.

the day R collapsed, five hours before that i'd had a regular appt with my psychiatrist and told her what had happened and that he was doing fine. lol. thankfully, i was able to see her on monday 07/22. then...

that night, around 9:30 my mom called me downstairs to tell me she was feeling dizzy and that her blood pressure kept going up. she'd taken baby aspirin. she had me get her blood pressure medication so she could take it a few hours early. i made her drink some water because she hadn't had very much, and had coffee that morning (which dehydrates you), and figured she was just dehydrated but what with everything that R had gone through, we were both hyper-aware of possible signs, and wanted to be sure. so i took her to the hospital. her EKG came back fine but they did blood work, and some protein or enzyme or whatever that the heart releases when it's stressed (such as in a heart attack) was elevated so they had her hang out in a room for a bit. they tested her for stroke just in case, as well as took her for a CT. her echocardiogram was fine. they decided to admit her, bc while that protein/enzyme was coming down, it was too high for their liking. they scheduled an MRI for the morning. i went home around 1am.

tuesday, 07/23, about 2am she called to tell me they were transferring her to another hospital that had better capabilities in terms of heart health. again, her EKGs came back fine, they did an angiogram and there's no blockages whatsoever. they suspected a slight heart attack from all the stress, but in the end (and after another echocardiogram), they declared her to be fine. broken heart syndrome. the heart was stressed and therefore tight, so they've given her meds to help relax the heart muscles so it can rest. she came home wendesday 07/24.

needless to say, i'm stressed as fuck. my psychiatrist sent in an rx for anxiety meds i hadn't needed in like 7 years. i was doing better until the whole thing with my mom. how the fuck it's been a week since R died i have no idea. thankfully i could take bereavement from work this week, and my boss is giving me monday off as well just to give me an extra day bc the added shit with my mom. i've also asked if i could be assigned to one of our service desks where it's easier to step away than the other two (unless the one has two of us at a time, which doesn't always happen). she's got that set up for me. i also have a follow-up with my psychiatrist on thursday. i was going to ask for leave long enough to meet via telehealth as usual but i forgot there's a staff meeting that day so my shift is scheduled earlier. she's booked our meeting room for me to use, and made sure the desk i'm on has someone else schedule on it at the same time so i can make sure i'm not late.

i'm worried about my own heart. even though my HR has come down while medicated, it was at/over 100bpm for about two days, then around 90 with meds, and then back to 100 with my mom. finally came back down to 90s, and with meds it's been around 80bpm which is at least close to normal. thankfully, when i'm asleep it's in the 60s like it should be. saturday evening it was more around 70s which is so much better. but i am also overweight. my cholesterol is occasionally slightly high, but not high enough for them to be worried at all, and my LDL is generally pretty good. i just worry that my heart is doing the same thing my mom's did. and, of course, worrying about all that does not help my HR.

anyway. i didn't have high opinions of the man, as he was ultraconservative (at least he hated trump...), which is why i've never been able to be out to my parents as queer (not-straight and nonbinary). but he has been in my life since i was 8 (i'm 41 now). i obviously had some love for the man. and i feel bad bc while it hit me that he was probably going to die, now that he's gone it's still just more of a disbelief that he's not going to be around anymore. that he's just. not here anymore.

and, all of that being said, do not let my trauma dissuade you from performing cpr. it's one of the most important life-saving techniques we have. get trained, even if just once. refresh yourself occasionally, keep up with any updates to it. for example, hands-only CPR is trained more now than including mouth to mouth. my two(?) trainings didn't prepare me for the broken ribs thing, they never mentioned it. thankfully, from what people are telling me, it is included in the training now. some training covers the guilt people might have if (when) that happens. but i just wish there was mention that you might need help afterward, especially if you have to perform cpr on someone you know. (the AHA finally recognised this ONLY TWO YEARS AGO.) maybe share some resources to help you. apparently some larger hospitals have support groups for this. also, to talk about it. even if you don't have a professional, just talking about it to people helps. and reduces the chances of ptsd. that these feelings do happen. unless you're in the medical field, your chances of having to perform cpr are very slim. actually saving a life is, unfortunately, even rarer (1 in 10 apparently). but YOU could be that person. you could save someone. you could give someone the opportunity to survive, the possibility of a second chance at life.

while this is a less-than-once-in-a-lifetime situation for a layperson, and i wouldn't wish performing cpr on anyone, PLEASE, attend training at least once and regularly refresh yourself. if you're employed or in school, you might be able to attend a training for free.

trauma aside for a moment. it's fucking wild knowing i saved a life, even though it didn't work out in the end. it's a strange feeling. i've been told i should be proud of myself. maybe i'll get there some day. idk.

[chenfordnoquit]

This is likely an unpopular opinion but I wasn’t a big fan of Lucy’s response to Tim when he returned home finally. I do get it - Tim going AWOL would be terrifying and angst-inducing and she’s absolutely justified in being upset and angry at his lack of communication but being instantly on the defensive, not really listening and demanding truths the very second he walks in the door and then immediately giving an ultimatum/asking him to leave when he’s barely even said anything just left me feeling a lack of empathy.

In S1, when she realized he was likely going to commit the crime of hiding Isabel’s drugs, she risked calling him out and reminding him that doing that would change him. She realized how conflicted he was but also that he toed the line. She pushed him to remember himself.

I guess I just thought that years later, with how much she knows him/how he carries the weight of so much, maybe take a step back to see that it’s been 36 hours for maybe a painful reason and he needs time to process. And when he said he hadn’t committed a crime, or at least not yet - a reminder of his morality. I would’ve thought that statement would be alarming in a sense of morals, but instead it became about protecting her career/taking a fall.

I hope I’m not dismissing Lucy’s righteous anger at him keeping her in the dark. Or attempting to make this a girlfriend should comfort her man even at the expense of her own valid feelings. But when she remarked that what, did he expect they’d just do date night when he came in the door, it just felt a tad callous and dismissive. If they were just allowed to breathe and sit next to each other for a moment to process, who knows if Tim might have tried to open up, to have felt safe to do so.

But here’s hoping more communication and opening up next week!

[bright-and-burning]

Instead of getting into a fight with the group chat you should tell us the lore behind why the vibes in that chat are so off. This is like at least the second time i’ve seen you post about it

it is suuuuuch a long story and for reasons that would take a while to explain satisfactorily i can’t kick this girl out of the group chat ok.

edit: this got medium long (at least on mobile) im . sorry akdhskdh its below a cut now

but basically she has no sense of boundaries and when you tell her a boundary she’ll be like ok so you hate me.. but ill follow it i suppose… and then break it two weeks later with glee. she’s aggressively contrary for the fun of it she has a superiority complex in a loooot of areas but especially morally she refuses to let anyone back out of an argument. she demands responses and guilt trips everyone if you don’t respond to her bait like “omg you guys are actually just ableist and hate neurodivergents” (half the group chat is neurodivergent lmfao). she would literally start hours long arguments abt taylor swift (this was SUCH a sticking point for her. and STILL is like it somehow got brought up AGAIN tonight) that boiled down to “if you enjoy any of her music you just haven’t thought about it long enough and unpacked your internalized misogyny. as soon as you do that you’ll see that i’m right.” would make people CRY and when anyone would be like we should stop this is just upsetting people she’d be like what do you mean you’re getting upset :( this is just a discussion :( this is so interesting to me :( why won’t you overexplain and justify your taste in music on demand for me :( like every single argument she just positions herself as the only moral option and if you disagree w her you just haven’t thought for yourself hard enough? one time she literally was like “eve i know you can have deeper thoughts than that” bc i refused to engage her trying to start the like fifth 3hr long tswift fight and i left the group chat for three months despite this being the era where i was unemployed depressed and living at home several hours away from anyone i was friends with. like i was literally like maintaining an easy connection with all of my friends is not worth being in the same digital space as her rn.

tonight she said that “it feels like you [collectively] don’t experience life” or like contemplate deep things like mortality or sentimentality and that our supposed lack of passion makes her depressed because… nobody responded to her messages abt her favorite band (that none of us listen to) within 2hrs. on a work night. which was viscerally upsetting in general (don’t particularly like having someone tell me they don’t think i have an inner life just bc i don’t engage on demand for them) but also in specific given how the last two weeks have been for me (having someone tell me i haven’t contemplated mortality and how tragic it is that we have limited time on this planet when im in the middle of a health scare that had me looking at my life insurance policy briefly last week)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for splitting on my boyfriend?

I've been dating my boyfriend C for 2 years now. And this past month has been ROUGH. It started with him working extra late shifts for almost 2 weeks, the first week wasn't bad he was tired and I understood but quickly he became distant. And he never wanted to tell me when he was working. And suddenly it seemed like the 8 hours 12 to 8 or 2 to 11 pm shifts turned into 9 am shifts with the lack of contact from him. I'd tell him I'm worried about him, ask if he's okay, if I upset him and that's why he seeks to avoid me before and after work and he'd brush me off and say "I'm fine babe, I'm avoiding you, I'm sorry I made you feel that way" and he'd stop and be attentive to me for a few hours. And then the 2nd week came and it got worse and he became even less active and I'd ask him what's up, and tell him that my feelings were starting to get hurt more because now it feels like he's just avoiding me, same thing would be said "I'm sorry babe, I didn't mean to make you feel that way" and then he'd turn around and lag on me for hours. This was a pattern for the rest of week two and each day I told him how I felt, it seemed like he ignored me harder. And for context I have bpd, and it gets triggered when I feel ignored and shut out. And I had been managing it for those 2 weeks but all those feelings built up and Friday night, it popped. He did the same thing to me. From 9 am that day to 8 pm, he only texted me 4 times. And then I just snapped at him. I told him I felt ignored and shut out, and I needed space so I removed him from my socials online. I told him that I felt like he was doing this to me on purpose and I expected different from him but that was done bc no matter how much I told him I was hurt, it seemed like it drove him to ignore me more. Lo and behold after this splitting episode, he ignored me more. This time I didn't blame him. So I texted him again and told him I didn't want to break up but I still stood by what I said I loved him and wanted to work things out in a few days. Got ignored again, I texted him 2 days later asking to meet. Ignored again, I texted him the next day asking to meet again that same day, ignored again.

Sunday rolls around and I text him that I'm worried about him and asked if he could at least text me if he's okay. And he said he's fine and just didn't want to talk to me at the moment, I understood, I fucked up, so I apologized to him and told him I loved and then he told me he "had work". this isn't true before he ignored me he told me he ONLY had 1 day off which was that Sunday, they can't force him to work 7 days straight. But I didn't call him out in it and just wished him a good day. Ignored again

The Monday after I had gotten a package in the mail for him, before all of this I bought him somebody and skin and hair care stuff. I went through the stuff to make sure everything was right. I wrote up and good and proper apology to him and explained why I snapped and again, told him how sorry I was and that I loved him, and pasted it into Google notes and I shared it with him. Then I had my mother drop it off to him. I texted him once again to tell him that the stuff was waiting outside for him and that I loved him and to at least bare minimum communication-wise to let me know if he at least got the package and it was safe. But once again, I got ignored hard.

It's been 9 days since the splitting episode and I've tried to apologize many times and I've given him space after the Google note thing but he's still ignoring me hard. So I'm wondering, am I really that much of an asshole to deserve this treatment?

What are these acronyms?

[supervillain-smut]

Albert Wesker with a doting and loving S/O who has a strong habit of over working themselves?

Idk it's just been on my mind recently lmao

{Fluff- Fem or GN Reader?}

I hope you enjoy it! I certainly enjoyed writing it!

"Hey Albert, would you like a coffee? Maybe a relaxing tea? I can call Dr. Birkin for you if you need that data he has at the lab?"

"Y/N..."

"Or what about your suit, does it need ironing?"

"Y/N."

"Oh no wait, you already have a coffee, did you have breakfast before you came here?"

"Y/N!" "Yes, Albert?" "I don't need anything, thank you, except you finally getting off your feet, possibly getting some sleep. That would make me happy." Albert spoke in a flat tone.

"Well, I'm glad you care about me so much, but I'd rather you didn't have to distract yourself from your work, and I know you like it, too." You hopped up on the counter facing him. He had just emerged from the basement where you weren't allowed to be since all his classified work was being done there, so when he did emerge, usually it was from a lack of everything. Food, water, caffeine, and the most difficult to get him to replenish, is sleep.

That being said, when you had him, you spoiled him and doted on him endlessly, which he loved most of the time, but recently you'd been picking up his bad habit of not sleeping to do so, and he was beginning to worry.

He smirked and stood in front of you, between your legs dangling off the counter, and faked a yawn. You followed seconds later with a real one of your own. "As I thought." You pouted at his trick. "Now, go to bed, please. It does me no good if we're both sleep-deprived." He began to walk back to the basement door, and you had to think quickly about how to drag him down with you.

"Only if you do, too." Albert stopped dead in his tracks. "What?" You crossed your arms and smirked. "I'll only go to bed if you do, too. As you said, it does no one any good if we're sleep-deprived. That includes you." You couldn't see his eyes past his sunglasses, but the internal struggle was obvious as his weight shifted towards the basement, back to you, back and forth before he sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose and dumping the contents of his mug down the sink.

He stood in front of you for a moment that felt like hours, making you a little nervous; was he upset with you? The answer was obviously 'no', but sometimes you couldn't tell. At least until he scooped you off of the counter, leaving you to cling to him like a koala as he marched both of you upstairs. Your hand toyed with the hair at the base of his neck as you rested your head on his shoulder, beaming with victory as your body registered the path to the bedroom.

You felt the softness of your pillows and blankets as he set you down, sitting at the edge of the bed to remove his shoes and blazer, setting his sunglasses down on the nightstand as he settled in beside you, those icy blue eyes staring back at you fondly before he pulled you towards him so he could spoon you. You shifted so your back was flush against his chest and sighed in contentment as he kissed your shoulder before settling in for your nap.

[dreblrspookyweek]

Welcome to the Dreblr Spooky Week event blog! This was a horror-themed event week that ran from Monday 30th October 2023 – Sunday 5th November 2023, organised by @airrec (hi!). This blog is now an archive for the fan works created during the event - but you can still submit to it, and have works included here!

The tag used to track prompt fills is #dreblrspookyweek. Please use that tag on your works, and please tag this event blog as well - that is the surest way to ensure that your fan work is seen and reblogged here.

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NAVIGATION

The full prompts list can be found here.

The event information tag can be found here.

The ask tag can be found here.

You can sort through the fan works created for this event in two ways:

By category of prompt: day 1 | day 2 | day 3 | day 4 | day 5 | day 6 | day 7 | alt

By type of fan work: art | fic | other

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(FAQ under the cut. Please read through it and the event information tag before sending in your query in case it has been answered already.)

FAQ

When was the event?

The event ran from Monday 30th October 2023 to Sunday 5th November 2023. But you can still submit any works that have been created from the event prompts, no matter how late they are.

Wait, I'm late and I want to join in. Can I do that after the event is over?

You can post prompt fills any time after the event. I will cease actively monitoring the event tag two weeks after the event is finished (Sunday 19th November 2023), so beyond that point please tag this event blog. Late fills are very welcome (even if it’s months later)!

What types of art are allowed?

Writing, poetry, fanart, webweaving, pixel art, comics, handicrafts – anything! It all counts.

Do I have to make something for every day?

Not at all! You can make as much or as little as you want. There is no minimum word count, or number of pieces, or even a maximum! If you want to create for multiple prompts you are entirely free to do so.

Is there anything that is disallowed?

You can make any type of content you want, including NSFW, shipping, gore, c! and cc! content, etc. and in any medium you want with only one exception: AI generated art is prohibited. Your responsibility as a creator is to tag your work correctly and accurately. Likewise, you are responsible for your own engagement with fan created works; it is upon you to take care of yourself.

Why is AI art not allowed?

The subject of AI art is, understandably, a topic that a lot of people feel strongly about. The statements “the place of AI in our society is very new and the issues surrounding it are complex and nuanced” and “AI art is currently being fuelled by immense and upsetting art theft as there are no legal protections for artists and creators yet” do very much co-exist. As of right now, the creation of AI art is unethical due to these lacking protections, and as such it is disallowed from the event.

I have a fan work that I’m already creating – can I submit it to this event?

This event is primarily intended to provide prompts that new fan works are then created from. That being said, with 31 prompts available, if your fan work fits into one of them, you may submit it for a prompt that it aligns to. If your fan work does not fit into at least one of the prompts, then it cannot be submitted for this event.

Hey, I've created a work and you haven't reblogged it. What gives?

All works created for this event have a place here on this blog, so if I've missed your work then please know that it is not intentional or malicious. If I haven't reblogged your work after a 24 hour grace period (I do have my own life and I'm not on Tumblr 24/7, please give me a day to actually see it), then check the following:

If it's after Sunday 19th November 2023, I am no longer actively monitoring the event tag. Please ensure that you directly @ this blog.

Tumblr's shadow-ban glitch means that original posts you create cannot be seen in tags and @'ing other users or sending asks/DMs is inconsistent. Check to ensure that you haven't been shadow-banned (you can send in a ticket to Support if you have), and in the meantime try to get into contact with this blog both by yourself and by asking others to help you if your own messages are not getting through.

What about CC boundaries?

I, and this event, take the view that CC boundaries are the rules for directly interacting with content creators (e.g. messages in their chats, tagging them in fanart, etc.). Fan content that exists by itself is making no moral statement. If you are not directly tagging content creators in works, then boundary breaking content is allowed.