#and then she came out w that album i forget which one the one after honeymoon came out

[paradiseprincesss]

dangerous woman | jonathan crane

i'm sure everyone is familiar with the album cover of "dangerous woman" and what she's wearing on it. if you don't, then i feel like the outfit and nickname won't make sense in this fic !!!

summary: you've been stealing the scarecrow's fear toxin for months, and finally, he catches you red handed.

warnings: smut, p in v, bondage, rough sex, general adult content lol, MDNI 18+ only

word count: 3.1k

masterlist

you’d been stealing the scarecrow’s fear toxin for months now — and you knew it was only a matter of time before he found you. 

it was profitable, okay? you would steal his supply, leaving him empty handed, and selling it at a much higher price to the criminals of gotham city. easy money, light work. simply put, you were running him out of his own business. 

jonathan was growing increasingly more frustrated with this mysterious thief that was stealing his supply — it’d been months and yet he couldn’t catch the guy. “the guy” — yes, he thought perhaps this was the work of one of the many dangerous men in gotham. 

this type of organized, deliberate crime couldn’t possibly be done by a woman working all alone — wrong. he was so wrong. this was exactly the type of crime that would be committed by a woman such as yourself. he was a psychiatrist for crying out loud, shouldn’t it be in his job description to know personality types? 

jonathan had his goons working overtime, keeping a keen eye on the drug shipments, but it was no use — you were one step ahead of jonathan every time. jonathan was ready to snap his glasses in two at this point. for someone who was trained in human behavior and complex criminal psychology, you would think he would be able to detect a pattern by now. 

tonight, you had big plans — you were going to steal his toxin from his warehouse directly.

forget shipments and hideouts, this time you were going big or going home. it was all or nothing — and right now, you wanted it all. 

your fitted, latex, corset-esque bodysuit clung to your figure as did your matching, latex thigh-high pleasers. the cherry on the top was the black bunny ears you accessorized with.

sure, it was a little risque, even bordering on kinky, but hey — it screamed dangerous woman. it was like wearing a caution sign but in the best way.

something that said: “i bite.”

dressed in your usual attire, you head to his warehouse in the dead of night. you sacrificed a prolific amount of late nights to figure out the location of this warehouse, but it would all be worth it once you were drowning in piles of cash after profiting off of his toxin. 

you’d been watching him for months — you even knew where he lived. you knew his profession, his full legal name, where he grew up, what type of food he ordered the most when he got takeout…

but what can i say? you were dedicated to your job — your morally dubious and ethically questionable job, but still a job nonetheless!

you strategically checked every entrance point of his warehouse (which, by the way, took a total of two hours of driving and twenty minutes of walking in high heels to get to!), making sure that there were no cameras or potential threats waiting outside. once you decided it was safe, you went through the back door. 

how, you ask? well, it was simple — you had a key replicated ages ago when you’d first broken into his office back at arkham asylum. in fact, you had all of his keys replicated. you know, just in case. 

stop asking why — it was for personal reasons!

after sneaking into the warehouse, you flicked on the lights and started to rummage around immediately. you came here for one thing and one thing only; fear toxin — and lots of it. you looked up at the ceiling as if some higher power up above would answer your calls. please, you thought, show me what i'm looking for.

god was your witness that night — and your prayers were answered. 

…just not in the way you thought they’d be.

as you were bent over, half hidden behind a bunch of empty crates, you were digging through piles of miscellaneous items. you were locked and loaded, so very focused on the task at hand, that you didn’t hear the front door creaking open quietly. 

jonathan heard shuffling once he entered his warehouse, the lights being turned on clearly indicated someone was here. jonathan did not panic, however — he believed that the feeling of panic and anxiety was useless to the human body. how could he make rational decisions when his mind was filled with the what if’s?

he was certain that this time, he’d caught the thief that had been stealing his toxin red handed — finally. however, as he got closer to you, he realized that you were not at all what he was imagining you to be. as he inched closer and closer, he saw two little bunny ears peeking above some empty crates.

he silently made his way around the crates, only to be met with a sight that caused his jaw to drop slightly and his cheeks to turn pink. 

you were bent over in your latex bodysuit, on your knees, rummaging through a pile of random things and the best part? you were completely oblivious to the scarecrow standing directly behind you, watching you poke your ass out as the bunny ears on your head moved every time your head did.

jonathan cleared his throat, causing you to startle. you turned around as a small gasp left your lips. once you looked up at him, you couldn’t help but notice his eyes — they were so blue. he seemed to have noticed you staring though, as he raised a brow and gave you an opportunity to explain yourself silently.

“um,” you started a little nervously, “hey?”

you mentally face palmed yourself — all you could come up with was an “um, hey?” so much for being one step ahead all the time.

“that’s quite the costume you have on," jonathan said smoothly, looking at you through the frames of his glasses. “i assume you’re the one who’s been stealing my supply?” 

you stayed silent as he loomed over you — he was tall. very tall. he was still standing above you as you sat almost obediently on the cold, concrete floor of the warehouse. empty handed at that. 

“listen, bunny,” he continued, “do you know how much trouble you’ve caused me?” 

finally, you found your voice. “i do — that’s why i did it.” 

“is that right?” jonathan said, crouching down so that he was now at your level. you felt awfully immature; but it was kind of…exhilarating. to be in the presence of someone so dangerous, just like you. “you’re not what i was expecting.”

“what do you mean?” you asked, tilting your head to emphasize your question. his eyes darted to your black bunny ears, then back to your face. he didn't answer your question, but instead, he reached his hand out towards you. 

hesitantly, you took a hold of it as he helped you up. “do you always go around stealing what doesn’t belong to you in outfits so…promiscuous?” he asked, eyeing your body up and down shamelessly. 

“...i’ve never done anything like this before,” you admitted shyly, watching his eyes trail along every part of you. “i get off on the thrill, mostly.” 

jonathan almost choked when he heard your response — if he wasn’t so attracted to you, he would’ve sprayed an extra concentrated dose of fear toxin in your face. he was standing so close to you now that you could smell his cologne — montblanc, if you remembered correctly. 

“maybe we could work out a deal,” he suggested, his voice low and almost…sultry. “i won’t kill you or turn you into the feds — if you give me what’s mine.” 

a feeling of sheer panic surged through your veins; you’d already sold all the drugs you seized from him. it’s not like you just could get any of it back, and now your life was on the line.

“i-i already sold the drugs—”

“not that,” he reprimanded, eyeing you down hungrily, “i think you know where i'm going with this.”

you stared at him blankly for a moment before you felt your cheeks heat up at his insinuation. he didn’t want the drugs, no — he wanted you. according to jonathan, you were his now. 

i mean, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it? 

jonathan was not one to fall so easily, but once he laid his eyes on you, his heart stopped. a beautiful, young, witty woman who was also a thrill seeking, danger loving felon? you were just asking to be his. it didn’t help that you came dressed like you were a triple-x star, either.

“well, what’s it going to be, bunny?” he asked softly, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear. 

“what tough choices,” you pouted, looking up at him as you feigned distress, “i don't know what i'm going to do, jonathan.” 

he paused, his hand coming to grab your face gently. “how do you know my name?” he asked, his tone sharp. 

“i know everything about you — i've been watching you for months.” 

he was silent as his jaw clenched slightly. a tell that his calm, collected persona was about to crumble at any given moment — you had him where you wanted him. “i see,” he replied calmly, “i should have you admitted to arkham, really. something is very wrong inside of that pretty little head of yours.” 

you didn’t say anything back, but you bit your lip softly whilst looking into his impossibly blue eyes.

that, however, seemed to be the trigger that pushed jonathan over the edge, because suddenly, he had you pressed up against the cold cement walls of his warehouse. your ass was pressed up against the obvious tent in his pants as your face was met with the rough texture of the cement. 

“i’m going to test your limits,” he breathed, “a little experiment between you and i.” 

“i live for danger,” you mumbled against the wall, not letting up as he continued to threaten you. his threats were fuelling you, if anything — didn’t he hear you when you said that you got off on the thrill of things? 

“prove it, bunny,” he challenged, and you pushed away from the wall, grabbing him by the tie that hung loosely around his neck. 

holding onto it with an iron grip, you brought your lips awfully close to his as you whispered out to him. “take this off,” you instructed, “and tie me up.”

“rope bunny — i should have known.” he teased back, undoing his tie. 

roughly, he pulled your body back against his. your ass was flush against his bulge, and he bound your wrists up with his silky, red tie. “walk,” he commanded softly, guiding you into a whole separate room — a room with an old bed. 

he helped you sit on the edge of the bed before shutting the door completely, making his way back over to you. with your hands tied, you were limited in terms of mobility, but jonathan's hands were free — and he intended to make very good use of them. 

“latex,” he pointed out, reaching over to your bodysuit, “bold choice...but it looks good on you.” 

his comment caught you off guard — his tone was far too sweet for what was about to go down. his voice had you in a trance for a moment, but the feeling of him trying to maneuver your garment off of your body brought you back to reality. after a few moments of fumbling with the tight suit, he finally got you out of it. 

his lips were on yours in mere seconds, kissing you roughly as he squeezed the sides of your neck gently. he continued to kiss you, his tongue exploring your mouth as you both moaned into the steamy kiss. however, after a few minutes, he breathlessly pulled away and took a good look at the sight that was in front of him.

you were suddenly very aware of how exposed you were — it’s not like you wore a bra or any panties underneath your latex bodysuit. there’s nothing quite like the thrill of wearing nothing underneath to get your blood flowing…

he let out a heavy breath, looking slightly disheveled as he took in every inch of your perfect body. the way your tits sat up, the way your skin was slightly flushed, the way you were on display like an art piece at some french museum — you were a divinity.

not to mention those latex thigh-highs that you still had on — and the bunny ears, too. fuck, maybe he’d keep you like this. take a picture and frame it to really make a point of you being an art piece for his eyes only. 

suddenly, he harshly pushed you down and flipped you around on the bed so that your stomach was against the mattress.

he hoisted your hips upwards, putting you in a face down ass up position. the way he positioned you made how wet you were all the more obvious, your glistening cunt on display for him as he choked back a moan at just the sight of you this powerless.

you heard his pants being unzipped, along with the sound of his belt being undone, and his hard, thick cockhead was brushing up against your sticky folds. he pushed into your tight hole, making the both of you moan. his hands were suddenly reaching for your bound ones, gripping onto the tie as he started to fuck you mercilessly. 

“j-jon!” you squeaked out against the sheets as you felt his cock drilling into you at a brutal pace, sure to leave you sore for days to come. “s-slow down, f–uck!”

“you can take it, bunny,” he assured you lowly, continuing to ram into your tight little hole. “you’re going to fucking. take. it.”

you let out a strangled moan, feeling his cock brush up against that spongy spot inside of you over and over again. it was only a matter of time before you were creaming his cock, the angle giving him access to the deepest parts of you. you were certain that at one point, you swore you’d felt him inside of your stomach with how deep and how forcibly he was fucking your cunt. 

“is this what you — fuck —  wanted, bunny?” he groaned, giving your ass a harsh smack with one hand as the other was still gripping the tie around your wrists. “you just needed to have your tight little pussy stretched by my thick fucking cock?” 

“y-yes, fuck yes!” you whined, “i need to be filled, j-jonathan please—”

“i know,” he cooed with faux sympathy, “you’re such a needy little bunny. you get a cock in your tight fucking cunt and suddenly you’re not so tough anymore, are you?” 

his words went straight to your core, rather than your head, soaking you even further and making his cock slip in and out of you with pure ease. he was slamming himself into your dripping cunt, fucking you raw as you took him so deep that you were full on screaming his name over and over again.

“j-jonathan, fuuuck!” you wailed, letting him ruin you entirely.

this wasn’t exactly how you planned the night to go, but it was better than you’d imagined. better than you’d hoped. you couldn’t dwell on the thought for very long though, because suddenly he was pulling out of you right before you were about to come, much to your displeasure.

you whined, causing him to scoff a laugh. he flipped you over to that you were looking at him now, in missionary, before he sunk back into you. you let out a bratty whine along with a pout. your hands were still tied so you couldn’t touch him — and you were getting desperate. 

“please!” you exasperated as he fucked you stupid, “let me t-touch you, oh my god—”

jonathan watched as your eyes rolled into the back of your head, and finally, he decided you’d been good enough for a reward. he reached behind your back, still balls deep inside of your warm, wet hole, and quickly undid the knot around your wrists.

and as soon as your wrists were free — you were clawing at his back. 

“fuck,” jonathan groaned, feeling your hands pawing at him.

his hand suddenly reached down, playing with your clit as you mewled out incoherent babbles and pleas. he continued to press his fingers against your bundle of nerves, bringing you closer and closer to the edge once more as he plowed you. 

your cunt was dripping with your arousal, you’d never been so wet in your life. you felt the knot in your stomach tighten as you were close to coming, and jonathan moaned as he felt your cunt flutter around his thick cock. “close?” he asked breathlessly, and you just nodded — unable to speak as your orgasm washed over you in a blur.

“thaaaat’s it,” he growled, “pretty baby.” 

you whined, looking to the side as you came down from your high, but he continued to ram himself deeper and deeper into your cunt. you reached for his biceps, clinging onto them for dear life as his cock stretched your walls right open. 

“i’m about to come, fuck!” he groaned. “should i come inside? i think i will — you like the thrill, right bunny?” 

before you could protest, he was spilling his warm, thick cum into your abused little cunt. you were on birth control but you hadn’t taken your pills in days — so you were going to have to figure this out later, after the reality of what could happen would set in. he was right though; you did love a good thrill. something to get your adrenaline pumping and your blood rushing. 

you were a fear addict, and he was the supplier of fear — you were freakishly perfect for each other in all the worst ways. 

after both his and your endorphin levels gradually calmed down, he pulled out and watched the mixture of his sticky, white cum and your arousal drip out of you.

“you know, i could use someone like you to help me distribute my toxin — i'd pay you more than whatever you're making now.” he said after a minute, and your head shot up.

of course — his version of pillowtalk was bringing up business. he seemed to read your thoughts unnervingly well though, because before you could say anything, he was talking once more.

“we’d make a good team, don’t you think? since you’re my girl now and all.” he teased.

“am i?” you teased back, placing a kiss on his plush lips. “hm, i don’t see the harm — i'm game if you are.”

“that’s my girl.” he said softly, brushing his thumb against your cheek. “i’m curious though, out of all the people in gotham — what made you want to steal from me?”

“what can i say?” you whispered, “somethin’ bout you makes me wanna do things that i shouldn’t.” 

@girlinterrupted505 @ciriceimpera @jordyn-yeager @thevelvetvampyre @galactict3a

@xanaxiii @nocturnest @psylrd @bloodandglitter207 @humbuginmybones 

@oceanstem @futurefamousdeadmusician @jonathancraneslittlepet @esotericdoe

@kpopgirlbtssvt 

@ll4n4 @ilovetoxicfictionalmen @the-buddy-things @ellebelleshelby @wiseyouthinfluencer 

@abprill @minedofmoria @strangeobsessed @5tud10-54r4h @franzine-xii 

@stsrfujid @psylrd @eyraaaaaae @nyxxie-pooh @momoewn

@fauxcongenialite @ceruleanrainblues @o0laura

[theloveinc]

any hobie and/or miguel icks? 😟

whoever sent this: thank you + i ADORE you. i hope you don't mind i'm switching up the formatting/style a it in comparison to my older icks... shorter list, more detailed <3

(warning: some fem terms used at the end, such as “mama!”)

-

Miguel O'Hara

- This guy... has some long ass toenails. Type of toenails that poke you at night in bed, and tear holes in his socks.

It's maybe somewhat related to the claw thing he's got going on? Has a lot stronger and faster-growing nails than the average person... but the real problem here is that he's TERRIBLE about clipping them. Claims it doesn't bother him even remotely and that you're the one overreacting when you ask him to... but hardly anything gets through to him about it. You probably even offer to do it for him one day, thinking the offer of a foot massage would sway his thinking and that it'd actually work... but he fought you on that just as easy...!!!

...which is how you came to the conclusion that you have a man who'll even argue w/ you over toenails. Petty boy.

- Miguel is also tired 24/7. AND yeah, it's pretty hard to be un-sympathetic towards that, but he's tired in the... I'm-gonna-prioritize-this-one-last-email-over-saying-goodnight-to-you way. Which gets real irritating when you're asking him to help you out w/ anything, like cleaning up or answering a question or JUST HAVING A DAMN CONVERSATION W/ YOU and he's using "I'm tired" as an excuse when his response is shitty or distracted.

Like one of those stupid guys whose always squinting at their damn iPad when you ask what he wants for dinner... which is ironic given that he'll get snippy at you for not giving him your full, entire attention whenever he wants it. Type of man to start picking imaginary lint off your head when you're simply trying to finish up a text before engaging him so that you aren't distracted.

- Odd about Lyla. Not that he loves her or anything, but she'll like pop up to give him updates about whatever even if you're MID-MAKEOUT session and he won't change that setting. Pulling away from your lips all pouty and squinty only to glare at his watch for thirty seconds before trying to go right back into kissing you.

No. No sir.

(Lyla will also always say something to or-but-usually-and about you, which... Okay, she's an AI and doesn't Get It... but it's still weird because it feels like someone you don't know just walked into the room.)

- Picks his nose when he's too busy to find a tissue, and forgets to sanitize his hands after. Denies this when you tell him.. but you've witnessed this multiple times (he's weirdly kind of whiney for a dude and lazy for a workaholic LOL).

Hobie Brown

- Lovely boyfriend because he doesn't give a crap about your appearance or the idea of needing to "look nice" for a man... but also stupid, nuisance boyfriend because this means he doesn't give one hoot if you try to get all gussied up for him. Nags you about wasting time getting ready because he doesn't need you to do all that instead of just saying "THANK YOU, YOU LOOK NICE." Even probably complains about you feeding into gender stereotypes or w/e when you do something like shave your legs or pluck your eyebrows😭

You try to talk to him about this, ask if he even cares that you tried to look nice, and he skirts around admitting it because he has an argument for everything. "'oughta know I think you're pretty either way"-ass when you just spent an hour trying to look all good for him.

- Tries to share the most obscure music with you... which is like, sweet in concept, but weird when it actually happens since it's never like a generic love song but an eleven minute underground jam session.

Which isn't to say he has bad taste in music, usually it's fine if not fantastic... but you try to tell him you don't want to listen to some dude's first draft of himself banging on a drum set for a full album and he's like: "tsk."

HOBIE. TSK??? FUCKING TSK????????? WHAT ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE????????

(He'll also use his to get out of listening to your music. Claiming his "inconsistency" is why he liked your playlist yesterday but not today. Stop!!!)

- And you know I gotta say it, he's a punk, after all: absolutely refuses to clean his favorite leather jacket, and it smells RANK. He's genuinely sentimental about it, though... and if you even try to bring up cleaning it somehow (even if very gently), he's acting like you betrayed him. Goes through the five stages of grief over you asking him not to wear it on one of your dates, and teases you by TALKING to it:

"Mumma didn't mean that, jackie. She just doesn't understand our lifestyle, does she?" while giving you a (lighthearted) stink eye.

[harrysblues]

Clean Baby

The one in which Harry comes back from work, and the only thing he wants to do is have a shower with his newborn.

············································································································

After spending so much time working on his upcoming album Harry's House, the only thing Harry wants to do is get home to cuddle with his wife and his newborn. Y/N had given birth three months ago to a precious baby girl, Kennedy Gem, that Harry completely adores. He still doesn't believe how much he loves the little thing.

All he had wished to do since his sunshine had been born was to stay home with his family. Unfortunately, Kenny came three weeks early, and all Harry could do was rush through the last couple of things he had yet to arrange for his album release next month.

Even though he had been touring in America, Y/N's pregnancy had been kept a secret to the public. This means that not many people know what Harry has waiting for him at home, and how much he hates being away from home lately. The couple knows that they are going to need to start telling people soon, due to Harry going on tour to the UK and Europe during the summer, and Y/N and Kenny are going with him. However, they want to enjoy the most out of her without being bothered about how things are going, or people wanting to get their hands on pictures of their baby.

Harry got out of a meeting with Jeff and rushed home to be with both of his girls that he absolutely adores with his whole entire heart. They are literally the center of his universe, and the purpose that pushes him to be the best version of him everyday.

"Oh my baby, weren't you so hungry?" He heard Y/N coo right after he enters through the door. "You're the cutest thing I've seen in my entire life".

Harry is fast to lock the door and get to his family in the living room, and when he sees both of his girls on the sofa, wrapped in blankets because it is still chilly out, and Y/N breastfeeding Kenny while looking at her lovingly, he knows he made it. He has been dreaming about this his whole life.

"Hello my angels" He says while quickly sitting down in the sofa right by their side. "How has your day been? I hope fantastic. I've missed you both so so much".

He gives Y/N a passionate kiss, and they separate when they hear their baby make the cutest noise ever. "Yeah, sunshine. Do you also want a kiss?" Harry coos, and immediately kisses his baby's forehead. He is mesmerised with the way she's bonding with her mum right now.

"She's almost done, but she needs a bath. Your mum called and I got distracted" Y/N informs Harry. "She invited us to go to her house this weekend for a family get together. Gemma is also going".

"I'll call her tomorrow to let her know we are going" Harry answers. "But can I please be in charge of bath time tonight? I've missed my little ray of sunshine so much today, you have no idea".

"Oh, is that so? What about your wife?" Y/N says in a playful manner. "Did you forget about your wife when your daughter was born, or what?"

"Of course not, my love. We are soulmates, and I'm yours forever and ever" He says while burying his face on her neck. "You're the muse of all my songs, and the best thing to ever happen in my entire life".

Y/N looks at him, sees the way he is literally drooling over his daughter, and decides to agree to Harry being in charge of bath time. "Okay, I'll let you. However, you have to promise me that this won't be a recurring thing. Kenny is already so attached to you, if she starts getting used to showering with you she won't have it any other way ever again".

"Perfect, perfect, perfect" Harry celebrates. "C'mon Kenny baby, let's go get ourselves clean. Do you want to be a clean baby? Yes?" Harry takes his daughter from her mum's arms and burps her before cradling her in his arms and standing up to get to the bathroom.

"I'll be back in a bit, my love" He tells his wife. "Rest for a bit, put on your favourite show, but please don't worry about anything. You have been working so hard these last couple of months without me here, it's your turn to relax".

Y/N knows that Harry is doing the best he can to balance everything that's going on in his life right now. Nonetheless, her heart melts a little at how sweet he is being about everything. He is all she's ever asked for.

The couple shares a sweet kiss, and Y/N watches Harry and her daughter leave the room to go have a bath, so she doesn't hesitate to take up Harry's offer, and put on her favourite show.

Harry walks with Kenny in his arms to the bathroom, where he starts the shower, so that the water warms up to the perfect temperature for his baby girl, and he prepares the towels for when they get out. Then, he carefully undresses Kenny, as well as himself down to his boxers, and they both get in the shower.

Harry has his back to the shower stream, careful so it doesn't bother his little angel, while he holds her close to his chest. He did this for her first bath, because he was very scared of anything happening to her while in the water and he knew she was the safest in her daddy's arms. Ever since then, he does this as much as his wife lets him. He bonds with Kenny the best during bath times like this one, and he is determined to do this as long as his daughter lets him.

Once they are both completely wet, Harry takes a soft cloth, and with a little drop of baby soap, he starts washing his baby. She is sleepy in her father's chest, seeing as she loves listening to his heartbeat whenever she lays there. So when she notices her sleep being disrupted, she starts whimpering.

"Oh no, sunshine. Don't cry" He says softly to her. "It's just daddy cleaning you up, isn't that right? Didn't you want to be a clean baby?" Kenny stops the moment she hears her fathers voice, and looks up to him with the cutest smile ever.

"Hello, Kenny baby" He coos down at her. "It's bath time with daddy! We love bath time with daddy!" Harry exclaims while bouncing her a little and tickling her stomach. She lets out the most beautiful giggle Harry has ever heard, and he is completely sure he'll never get tired of it.

"How has your day been? Did you have fun with mummy?" He asks her softly while cleaning her body and shampooing the little curls she has started growing. "I'm very jealous that you get to spend so much time with her, especially cuddling. I love cuddles, you know that?" Kenny sees her father talking, and decides to start mumbling and making noises, as if she was answering all of his questions. Harry doesn't doubt it for a second, and he immediately starts talking to her as if she knew what he was saying.

"You love mummy's milk? Is that what you are saying?" The smile could be heard in his voice, as he was looking down at his precious daughter. Kenny squeals and slaps her little hands softly on her daddy's chest, making him chuckle. "We are so grateful for what she is doing for us, isn't that right? She is the most wonderful woman ever, and you are so lucky that you get to learn form her. You are going to be just like her".

The conversation carries on, Harry not once getting bored with the cute interaction, and he finishes giving her a bath and also, washing his body and hair. He would lie and tell Y/N that washing himself with only one arm wasn't difficult, but he would do it every day for his baby girl. It was very difficult for him to explain the bond he had with his daughter during these showers. The idea of her being completely dependent on him was something he thought about every single day. And he obviously loved every single minute of it.

Once both of them are clean, they get out of the shower and Harry carefully wraps Kenny in a very fluffy baby towel with a hood and bear ears on top. It was a gift from Mitch and Sarah for when she was born, and it is the cutest thing ever. Harry can't help but take pictures of her and send them to the love band's group chat every single time she uses it.

He creadles her in his arms again and wraps another towel around his waist. He obviously struggles, and he notices Kenny is watching him in the mirror when she lets out a very loud laugh, seeing her daddy drop his towel many times until he manages to wrap it in place.

"Oh my, Kenny baby! Are you laughing at y'daddy?" He jokingly reprimands her. "Does daddy make you laugh? Yeah?" He only gets more belly laughs from her, and he smiles so big, both of his dimples very prominent on his face, that he swears his cheeks are going to fall off. He is even trying to make her laugh harder, making weird faces at her while they both look at each other through the mirror.

When Kenny starts shivering a little, Harry knows it's time to get her dressed in a very cute pijama and put her to sleep. She was about to fall asleep on his chest after all, so he carries her to her bedroom and dresses her in his favourite pijamas of hers, decorated with little cherries, right after putting lotion on her with a very long massage. He loved pampering his girls, and he wasn't embarrassed to show it.

When she has her hair brushed, and she is ready for bed, with her pacifier on her mouth, Harry brings her to his bedroom so he can get ready.

"I know you're sleepy, sunshine. Let me get dressed and we'll go say goodnight to mummy, alright?" He tells her, while laying her in the middle of his king sized bed. He surrounds her with pillows so she won't roll and fall, although she is too tired to even move.

Harry goes inside his wardrobe to get into his pijamas really quick, and he looks at her playing with her hands at the top of her head while he is in his bathroom, doing his skincare and styling his hair.

"Let's go, angel" He kisses Kenny on the forehead, while picking her up and laying her against his chest. "We have to wish mummy a very good night, isn't that right?" Kenny softly coos, and Harry melts at the sound of her little voice. He can't wait for when she's able to tell him how she feels, or what she thinks.

When they get to the living room, Y/N is asleep on the couch. Harry quickly notices, and without wanting to wake her up, he gets down on his knees right next to her to give her a kiss on the forehead. "C'mon Kenny, give mummy a kissy so we can go to sleep" He whispers.

Right when he is about to get up from the floor to put Kenny to sleep, Y/N stirs awake. "Harry, cuddles please" His wife's demand earns a chuckle from Harry, but he doesn't think twice. He hands Kenny to Y/N, and he gets on the couch besides her to cuddle with the love of his life and his baby.

With the TV playing softly, the warmth of the blankets the three of them are wrapped up in, the feeling of his wife breathing, and the peaceful noises coming from his baby, Harry is in heaven. This is the best life he could have ever wished for, and he could never be happier.

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First post! Please let me know if you like it and want more! Alsooo, don't forget to reblog :)

[bro-atz]

IRRESISTIBLE CHAPTER FIVE: ROLLING THUNDER HEAR MY YELPS

pair: cmo!san/employee!oc word count: 2.8k chapter rating: pg-13 — sfw! genre: romance, drama

table of contents ♤ previous chapter ♤ next chapter

About a week after Gyuri and San agreed to pretend that nothing had ever happened between them, work got insanely busy, so it was easy for Gyuri to forget that anything had ever happened in the first place. She poured over the data she got for Wooyoung the day of the server meltdown and began working extremely hard on her latest proposal.

It was the biggest project Horizon Productions had ever gotten, which surprised Gyuri completely because she really thought that the Fever account was going to be the craziest and most demanding client she would have to face, but she was wrong and more wrong. Their client this time was Bluebird Entertainment, which was one of the biggest entertainment companies in the world. She heard from Seonghwa that Hongjoong was freaking out when they reached out to the company to the point where he literally passed out in his office. This client was, in fact, a very big deal.

Gyuri got extremely worried when the information first came through. She knew that she and San were going to be at each others’ throats for the entirety of the project, which fueled most of her worry. Luck was finally on her side, though, as San was the production manager for the account, leaving Wooyoung to be the concept creator. Still, Gyuri was also on the Bluebird Ent. team, but she was basically Wooyoung’s art assistant and only really working on the storyboards.

“Gyu, do you really have work while we eat?” Minkyung sighed as she navigated the pages and pages of storyboards that decorated their lunch table.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll move it,” Gyuri scrambled to organize her papers and carefully moved the storyboards away from their food. “This project is just so critical that we all need to make sure this is perfect. There’s only a couple of us on this project, after all.”

“You, Mr. Choi, Mr. Jung, and who else?” Iseul asked.

“Uh, Hana and Chanmi… Although Chanmi doesn’t have it so bad since she’s just graphic design. The company wants to have the MV and the album cover match in look and “feeling,” so they’re entrusting us to have that done,” Gyuri sighed heavily.

“Okay, well, let’s get some food into you. Eat first, work second, got it?” Minkyung nagged.

“Yes, mom,” Gyuri replied sarcastically.

The three girls began eating their meals peacefully and quietly until they got about halfway through their meal. Minkyung, who suddenly remembered something, slammed her fork down on the table and asked Gyuri, “Oh! Is everything okay with Mr. Choi?”

“W-Why are you asking me?” Gyuri nearly choked on her food— she did not expect anyone to bring that man up, and she was a little worried that Minkyung had found out that they hooked up.

“I mean, since he’s your boss, I figured I’d ask… But he’s been coming to our department pretty often and talking to Mr. Jeong for a while in his office. It’s so bizarre. I feel like Mr. Choi is part of the finance department now.”

“Beats me,” Gyuri responded with a half-assed shrug— she really didn’t care.

“Maybe it’s the account? Budgeting must be insane,” Iseul tried to offer a valid explanation.

“No, it’s too early in the planning stage…” she denied and explained. “Mr. Jeong and Mr. Choi are pretty close, so it could honestly be… Anything…”

Realization hit Gyuri as she explained the friendship between their bosses to her friends; what if San was talking to Yunho about the incident? It’s been more than several days, so that shouldn’t be the case, but if he’s still visiting frequently, it definitely meant something was still up.

“Why don’t you ask Mr. Park, Gyu?” Iseul snapped Gyuri out of her thoughts.

“Huh? I mean, I could, but I don’t think it’s anything to really worry about,” Gyuri said, hoping to thwart her friends.

Her statement seemed to satisfy the girls. Relief rushed through Gyuri’s body— she didn’t realize talking about San would put her so on edge. Suddenly, inspiration hit, and Gyuri immediately scarfed down the rest of her food so she could resume her work on the storyboards, earning verbal complaints from the two girls near her. She ignored their mumbling and grumbling as she finished up the storyboards triumphantly.

“I’ll see you ladies later? I really want to get this checked,” Gyuri said as she waved the papers.

Her friends nodded, and with a wave goodbye, Gyuri dashed towards the elevators. She impatiently waited for and in the elevator so she could get back to her desk and put the finishing touches on the storyboards before presenting them to Wooyoung.

“Wow, Gyuri! These look amazing!” Wooyoung praised.

“Thank you, boss,” Gyuri responded shyly; she always loved when her work was validated.

“And these are the storyboards for all the different proposals, right?”

“Yeah, I followed the three concepts you had outlined, and I do have some other draft storyboards just in case, but—”

“No, these look great. Go ahead and show San then, yeah?”

Wooyoung handed the storyboards back to Gyuri. Bowing her head slightly, Gyuri cheerily went to San’s office. The tiny moment of validation gave Gyuri all the confidence in the world. She was ready for whatever Mr. Choi San had to tell her.

“Well… These look very nice, I must say…” San actually started with a compliment, which shocked Gyuri beyond belief. “But I don’t like what you have going on in this second bit. For this one, I think these two parts should be a little more romanticized, and then this last one is just not quite there at all. Please redo them.”

Normally, Gyuri would have blown up on San, but his tone was different than usual— the proposal must have been stressing him out, too, because he just sounded so unsure of everything, which is very off-brand for the man. For once, she didn’t talk back to San. She, too, wanted the proposal to be flawless, plus she wasn’t the concept creator so he wasn’t arguing with her idea, so she had no problem listening to him this time around.

As soon as she exited his office, Gyuri ran into Wooyoung. “It didn’t go well?”

“Ah, no. It did, but he wants me to redo some parts,” Gyuri explained. “I’m going to redo them.”

“What? No, don’t do that. I’ll talk to San. You can leave them as they are. They’re perfect like that.”

“No, Mr. Jung. I want to redo them. I don’t want to inconvenience you, and I want to execute your concept properly,” Gyuri immediately rejected.

“Then at least let me help. We’ll get it done faster.”

Gyuri and Wooyoung were at the office pretty late, which truly did make Gyuri appreciate the help, otherwise she would have slept in the office. Wooyoung ended up ordering dinner for the two as they slaved away in the office well after it had gotten dark outside, but Gyuri didn’t even realize the time because of how engrossed she was in her work.

“Do you think this scene should be completely different, or can I reuse this bit?” Gyuri asked.

The two were sitting side by side in a conference room. Wooyoung leaned over to check the work, his shoulder briefly brushing against Gyuri’s. The man immediately flinched and jumped back, confusing his employee.

“Boss, you okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” Wooyoung said, his voice cracking.

“Let me get you some water,” Gyuri said as she stood up.

Before Wooyoung could even say anything, Gyuri left the conference room. She returned moments later with water, and they went back to work in silence, the only sounds coming from Gyuri’s sketching and Wooyoung’s typing.

Gyuri was so happy when the two of them finally finished reworking everything. Cheering, she held her hands out and high-fived her boss, his face flushing instantly.

“Oh my God, Mr. Jung, are you okay? Your face is pink,” Gyuri’s words dripped with pure concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Wooyoung assured her as he patted his cheek lightly.

Unconvinced, Gyuri pressed the back of her hand against his other cheek. “I don’t know… You feel a little warm, boss. I hope it’s not a fever.”

“I don’t think it is…”

“Well, we should leave soon so that you can go home and rest in case it is a fever.”

After sorting through the papers and cleaning up the conference room, Wooyoung and Gyuri grabbed their things quickly and rushed downstairs— they were eager to go home and sleep in their own beds. However, because they were rushing, Gyuri didn’t realize she left her phone on her desk until they were right at the exit. She patted herself down trying to figure out which pocket her phone could have disappeared in, but she was unsuccessful.

“Everything okay?”

“Shoot, I think I left my phone upstairs…” Gyuri groaned.

“Go run and grab it. I’ll wait for you.”

“No, no, go on ahead without me. I already feel bad about keeping you so late.”

“It’s fine, honestly,” Wooyoung shook his head.

“Please, boss. I don’t want to feel more guilty. Get home safe! I’ll see you tomorrow,” Gyuri shot her boss a smile before heading back into the building.

Fatigue suddenly hit Gyuri’s body the second she got to her department’s floor. She trudged to her desk to see her phone sitting right where she left it. Annoyed, Gyuri snatched her phone and checked the time to see that it was nearly midnight, which meant there was no way in hell she was going to be able to take the subway home. A deep sigh escaping her body, the exhausted girl started to make her way back to the elevators when her foot got trapped in something, causing her trip and nearly fall. Luckily, she caught herself, but whatever she tripped on fell to the ground. She turned to see that it was Hana’s bag. Quickly, she propped the bag up and pushed it back under her desk, but as she did so, something sparkled despite the dim lighting in the office. Peering cautiously, she opened the bag slightly to see a wrench sitting at the very top of the bag. She briefly questioned why her coworker had a wrench at work, but the thought quickly escaped her— she had to get home, so she didn’t have time to ponder the situation.

Gyuri cursed her luck even more when she got downstairs once more. She left the building to see that in the time it took her to go upstairs and come back down that it started raining, and it was raining hard. She grumbled to herself as she peered outside. There was so much water falling from the sky that she could barely see two feet in front of her. Gyuri didn’t even bother looking through her bag for an umbrella; the last time it rained, she brought her umbrella home and then never brought it back with her to work. She pulled her phone out to get a ride, only to see that her phone died on her. What rotten luck. She sighed heavily knowing that she would probably have to brave the rain. Before she took a step out, though, a car pulled up in front of her, the passenger’s side window opening slowly.

“What are you still doing here?” San, the driver of the car, asked.

The woman failed to keep her annoyance to herself as she responded, “I was fixing the storyboards you told me to fix.”

“You could’ve gone home and done it,” he pointed out.

“Too late. Whatever, it’s done now… Why are you still here?”

“Executive meeting.”

“Oh…”

Gyuri’s eyes flickered upwards as flashes of lightning dispersed through the clouds. She felt her hands clam up, but she stood her ground strongly.

“…Would you like a ride home?” It seemed like San saw her nervousness.

“No, I am very okay. Thank you,” Gyuri immediately declined.

With a shrug, San changed gears. His car barely rolled forward before thunder roared above them loudly, and the rain only came down harder soon thereafter. Fear shocked Gyuri’s body, a little yelp escaping her body. “Wait! I take it back! I would like a ride!” Gyuri cried as she flagged her boss down.

San’s car reversed back to her. “Magic word?”

Gyuri asked in her cheesiest voice, “Ugh... Please, your royal highness, oh please may I please have a ride home please?”

San rolled his eyes. “Too theatrical, but fine. Get in.”

Due to the rain outside, Gyuri wasn’t able to get a look at the brand of San’s car until she got in and noticed the logo on the steering wheel. She knew that she made good money at Horizon Productions, so she knew that her higher ups definitely were making good money as well, but she did not expect to see the Aston Martin wings on his steering wheel. She stared at the wheel in shock, completely forgetting to wear her seatbelt.

“What? Why are you staring like that? Also, put your seatbelt on,” San spoke in his I’m-your-boss-so-you-better-answer-and-obey-me-voice.

“I’m just… Shocked… Is all…” Gyuri responded as she put her seatbelt on.

“Shocked about what?”

“That you’re driving such an expensive car…”

“Oh, this is an older model,” San responded with a light chuckle. “I’m surprised you noticed the model.”

“Well, how could I not know? This is the James Bond brand, after all.”

A smug smile settled upon San’s face. Gyuri had to look away otherwise she definitely would have slapped the stupid smile off his face. San put the car into drive and drove away from the office building into the storm.

As San drove, Gyuri noticed that he was really skilled at driving in the rain, which put her a little at ease. She wasn’t a fan of being in a car whenever the weather was not ideal, but at least he was driving like a responsible driver. This was one of those few times Gyuri had some sort of respect for her boss.

“I can’t believe you’re scared of thunder,” he said to her with a hint of a laugh.

And just like that, the respect vanished. “It’s not the thunder… It’s the lightning.”

“Sure,” he responded with heavy sarcasm.

“Listen, lightning is fucking scary, okay? The closer the thunder, the closer the lightning… And the longer the thunder, the more intense the lightning.”

“Okay, fine, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I’m serious! This is science!”

“Just admit you’re a scaredy cat,” San taunted her.

“I mean, I am, but you don’t have to make fun of me for it.”

San let out a hearty, belly laugh at Gyuri’s admission. He came to a stop at a red light and held his chest as he wheezed out more laughs. The frown on her face deepened as San’s laughter did not let up. “I seriously can’t believe that you of all people are scared of a little lightning—”

Right at that moment, lightning struck with a huge boom of thunder and took down a nearby tree. Both San and Gyuri let out terrified yelps, their eyes wide as they saw the tree erupt into flames. Despite all the heavy rain, the tree continued to burn intensely before their eyes. The light turned green, and San slowly drove on, the two of them now petrified.

“I take it back, you’re right. Lightning is fucking scary,” San managed to squeak out moments later.

“Thank you…” Gyuri whispered back, her body still in complete shock from witnessing God’s wrath.

The car went through the rain slowly as it just did not seem like the rain was going to let up any time soon. Gyuri wondered if it would have been better for her to just sleep in the office instead of trying to fight her way through the rain with her boss. She tried to keep her mind off of the terrifying lack of road before her, only to snap back to reality when lightning struck again. It seemed as if the lightning would have struck them had San not steered away quickly. However, due to the amount of water on the ground, his car hydroplaned and started to go somewhere that neither of them wanted to go. Gyuri muttered prayers under her breath as San managed to regain control of the car, the car coming to a stop slowly.

Neither of them dared to speak as they sat in the car, the two of them trembling like a cat forced to take a bath. Gyuri held onto her heart and tried to calm her breathing. San’s grip on the steering wheel only tightened, his knuckles turning white. The rain continued to pelt down loudly, but not a single person in the car moved an inch, not even when something tapped the passenger’s side window, completely shattering the window. Glass and water flew into the car, but the two remained perfectly still. All Gyuri could think about in that moment was that she truly had the worst luck in the world. 

table of contents ♤ previous chapter ♤ next chapter

irresistible tag list:

@eyeryis @choisanswifexo @jennylychee @kirilunimimi @hyukssunflower

@imgenieforyou-boy @hwallazia @starlletsblog @chillyambrrrr @woomyteez

network: @cromernet

apply here to be part of the taglist!

[unfixablebabyyy]

so i just read You and was obsessed w the perspective and also i just love getting a lil peak into dennis's brain so this is a something i wrote idk (also slightly inspired by that one meme of that anime girl lol)

(nsfw, minors DNI)

Dee's taste in... well, everything is absolutely abhorrent, but her taste in people is especially repugnant, which is why I can't fathom why such a striking creature would ever consider her a friend. What do you see in her? She's annoying and rude and abrasive, but you, you're none of those things. And I knew that the second I met you, but I had to be sure. So for the last week or so I've been doing a bit of research and it turns out, you really are just perfect- kind, smart, fun, absolutely stunning. Your only flaw lies in the fact that you're so incredibly naive. You leave your doors unlocked, your windows open, you always walk around the city with headphones on and your face in your phone. You're such an easy target. Don't you know how sick the world can be? But it's ok, it's not your fault- you're prey. Good thing I've got my eye on you. I'll protect you, even if it means you never go outside off leash again.

And now, as you sit across the bar from me, I can smell your perfume and I just want to drown in it, in you. You're half turned away, joking with Charlie as he throws darts, and from your side profile I can make out the tiny bumps of your nipples under your shirt. The past three nights you've come with Dee to the bar, you haven't worn a bra. You're clever, but not subtle. It's beyond cute. When you turn to me, I make sure my gaze lingers on your chest a second too long. I want you to know that I noticed.

"Hey!" I could never get tired of your voice. I need to know what it sounds like after a long night of crying.

"I.D., please."

You giggle. I've been carding you since the first night you came in, it's become a joke between us. Really, I just love reminding myself how young you are. When you hand it over, I brush my fingers against yours. I pretend to examine it and nod approvingly before handing it back. You grin, and this time, you brush your fingers against mine.

"Alright, what can I get you?"

You bite your lip, "Surprise me." Of course you want me to decide for you. I smile. I could surprise you. I could slip you something and we could have a night full of surprises. But not yet.

"You got it." And I know exactly what I'll make you- I saw the cranberry juice in your fridge and the vodka on your counter while doing my research. You were at work.

"Just don't make it too strong." Don't worry, I won't start making them strong until you're at least three in. Your eyes go wide as the song playing over the jukebox changes from some Dire Straits Mac had put on to Depeche Mode. "Personal Jesus". Kind of on the nose, but you won't notice.

"Oh my god I fucking love this song," you're so bubbly, and I know, I saw the album sitting on your record player. That's why I queued it up when Dee mentioned you'd be stopping by.

"I saw them when I was in middle school," don't forget, I'm old enough to be your daddy. I was in my twenties when you were born. You like that- I can tell by the way your cheeks get a little more pink.

"Ugh you're so lucky, I would love it if they toured again," I slide you your drink and smile.

"Well, if they do, I'll take you." Did your dad ever buy you concert tickets? I bet he did.

"Then it's a date," now you're really blushing, "or whatever." You're so sweet it's making me lightheaded. 'Or whatever'? So submissive. I imagine if I were to take a bite out of you I might get a toothache.

"It can be a date," of course it's a date. You bring your drink to your lips and sip and god I wish I could just reach over and taste you. You smile as you set it down.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think maybe you like me," Like you? Last night I was looking at custom dog bowls for the cage I'm going to put you in. I can't sleep at night without touching myself to the thought of cumming inside of you, marking you, making you mine. I don't like you, I want to cut you open and crawl inside of your ribs and hold your heart in my hands.

"You're adorable," I could rip you apart with my teeth. You cross your legs and readjust in your seat. Again, not subtle. I wonder just how wet you are. I mean Jesus Christ, all I have to do is look at you and I can practically hear that little lamb heart beating in your chest, and I can only wear this wool for so long. Sooner or later you're going to see the teeth and the claws. Maybe they'll scare you, maybe not. Either way, it won't matter when they're making you bleed, and judging by how red your face gets when I speak to you, I think you'll bleed easy. Bruise easy, too.

"Do you flirt with all of your sister's friends?" you're starting to get a little bolder. I lean in so that my face is inches from yours, like I have a secret. Your eyelashes flutter.

"No. Only you," I won't play your games, I want my intensity to bring you to your knees. The last couple of days have been fun- toying with you, making you wonder whether my charming smiles and compliments and gentle touches were platonic or not. But it's time to show you who's in charge. You bite your lip. I swear to god I can smell the pheromones on you.

It doesn't take me long to get you drunk enough to slip out the back door with me while everyone else argues over a game of pool. You really are such a lightweight. As the door swings shut behind us, I cup your little face in my hands and press my lips to yours. I don't want to. What I want to do is rip your clothes off and pull you to the ground and watch as the panic begins to rise when I slap my hand over your pretty mouth to muffle you. But that could be dangerous and I have to control myself. You kiss me back and slip your hands under my t-shirt where they roam across my chest, up my shoulders, down my back. It's giving me goosebumps and making it harder not to hurt you. I decide to test my limits. When I push you up against the rough brick exterior, I shove a little too hard and you yelp. But it only seems to make you want me more. So when I lean in to kiss you again, I bite down on your bottom lip, and you moan. Of course you're one of those girls. You love the abuse.

My hand finds your neck and you gasp even though I don't tighten my grip- I just want you to know I could- I want to. Someday I will- I'll choke you so hard and for so long you'll pass out, and then I'll smack your face until you wake up, just to do it again. I'll make you beg for the privilege of breathing. But not tonight. If I ever want to get to that point, I have to stay focused. Besides, just the feeling of my fingertips on your throat is turning you on- I can feel a wet patch forming on my knee where I shoved my leg between yours.

The heat of your body is making your perfume stronger and I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm on the verge of doing something depraved. You push your hand into the waistband of my jeans, then my boxers, and I can't help but growl when your fingers wrap around my cock. As you start pumping your hand up and down, I lose myself for a moment and dig my fingers into your neck. You whine, and when I release, I notice the dark red crescents my nails left on your soft skin.

It's best if I make my hands busy, so I work on the button of your pants as you continue to play with me. I groan into your neck as you squeeze me hard. Pretty soon I'm going to have to pin your wrists to the wall. When you do it again I bite your neck hard enough to serve as a warning and you quickly soften your grip as your jeans inch down just enough. Good girl.

You shiver as the night air breathes down the alley. I can feel your pulse in your cunt as I touch you over your panties. You're so pathetic, you easy little whore. I haven't even bought you dinner and you're already about to let me fuck you stupid next to a dumpster behind my bar. But I won't. I'm gonna make you beg for it. I want you to be so achy and needy for my cock you'll let me do anything to you. I can't fuck you tonight, you haven't earned it.

I sigh and retract my hand. "You're drunk," I press my lips into the crook of your neck and practically feel you deflate against the wall. "Why don't I take you home?"

"Oh," your voice is so sweet and soft, "ok."

I pull away and brush a loose strand of hair from your face before planting a kiss on your lips. Relax, angel. I'm not done with you. You pull your hand out of my pants and the absence almost hurts.

"My car's just down the street, I'll tell Dee you got sick," I brush my thumb across your cheek and peck your forehead before snaking my arm around your waist and leading you down the alleyway. At the end, before we step onto the sidewalk, you stop.

"Did I do something?" Your eyes are so big.

"Consent is really important," I lie, "I just want you to feel safe with me," it'll be all the more enjoyable for me when you realize you're not. My answer seems to satisfy you.

When we get to my Range Rover, you raise an eyebrow, "Nice car."

"Thanks, Frank bought it for me when I got into Penn," it doesn't matter if it's true, now you think I know how to take care of something for a long time. I've established my ability to commit.

"Jesus, isn't that Ivy League?" And just like that, you see that I belong to an elite community of scholars.

"Yeah."

In the Range, you begin looking through my CD collection, pulling out albums you recognize, asking about ones you don't. You like old music, old cars, old men. You mention that your dad introduced you to Christopher Cross, so of course I slip it into the radio and skip to Sailing and tell you it's my favorite, which is true, but I happen to know it's yours, too.

I pretend to be lost and ask you where to go even though I've made the drive at least 20 times in the last week. When we get to your place, I park the car right outside of the familiar front doors and look up at your dark window.

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" you spread your legs ever so slightly. So obvious.

"How about I cook you dinner tomorrow night," you'll act like a whore when I say, first I've got to teach you some manners.

"When?" you don't want to leave.

"I'll call you." Get out.

You step out onto the curb and wave.

"Goodnight," I say and you turn and head in. I don't leave until I know you're inside, safe. In fact, I don't really leave at all. I park the Range a block away and walk back. Your light is still off, but even in the darkness, I can see you up there. You really should close your curtains, especially when you're inside, naked and panting, humping your pillow like a bitch in heat.

[soccerpunching]

Bestieeeeee 😻,

What is your worst IE headcannons?

I'll tell mine back 💅💅💅

I may be too out-of-touch from the fandom to know what people would consider bad and worst but I do have some that others may have an issue with! AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK YOU ABOUT HEADCANONS TOO, BUT YOU GOT ME FIRST! AND I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW YOURS VERY MUCH!! (although I haven't watched most of ares and orion so i may not understand some for now, I would love to hear them still!!)

This ended up a long post, I'm making this cut...

I'll start with a tame one (may also be really boring), but this one needs my other hcs for anyone to understand the actual one I want to share. Here's a "brief" list of the others (happened between og series and inago):

Gouenji has unparallel knowledge of ALL Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, and Ghibli movies and will defend the female characters with his life. (This is why I thought he probably knows MLP as I said on the last ask)

He's not a fan of social media and does not use anything outside of inalink and private messaging. Not bcs he's cool, he just doesn't understand them. Much like in honosuto with the laptop, initially with inatube, and him always forgetting his useless phone.

Yuuka convinced him to make an inatter (twitter) and inagram account bcs she does not want anyone to steal the @ and that she also wants to be able to tag him on her posts (and of his teammates/friends) so they can keep the memories. He saves all the pictures he gets tagged in and sometimes prints them out to keep in an album he designed (he's very good w crafts). I still can't believe honosuto came up with those social media names (except for inagram)

He only cared about the bare minimum use of social media so he only ever retweets in inatter (never made his own tweet ever; but he does reply on some that addresses him) and only posts his creations on inagram with no caption or a few words about what he made (made takoyaki, felted a bunny, crocheted a penguin, made cupcakes, etc.).

He only has three kinds of inatter rts: about soccer, about making art, and tweets of his friends and family. Yuuka made his bio in both of them. He also became good at taking pictures of his creations thanks to Yuuka.

However, he is mildly updated with internet language bcs that's all he hears from his sister and her friends and from his own friends in the group chat that he only talks in when he's mentioned. He assimilated most of the phrases they use in chats.

Having said all this, he almost has no social media presence. You're lucky to see his page updated after two weeks. He doesn't reply with strangers either unless it's a kid who loves or interested in soccer.

He also doesn't share much in interviews. Very bare minimum of answering questions and always answers in short sentences and just poses for the camera shortly before he bounces. His favorite answer to questions is "oh that's private" not bcs it's private but bcs he doesn't want to talk that long unless youre asking him about his opinion on human rights-- something that his agent and/or soccer club prevented the press from ever asking him again (an hc drop another time). But anyway, he always had strong opinions and doesnt hold back in expressing them (og series and inago) and that's trouble for the club sponsors so they make a lot of effort on stopping anybody from having the opportunity of asking him anything outside of his personal and athlete life.

And the last context here is that Gouenji is autistic, but we already know that.

Okay so now time for the actual bad HC I want to share... which is how Gouenji came out as bisexual to the public

This started with an inatter thread of a person criticizing Anna (Frozen) for her actions in the first movie that reached Gouenji's timeline. Gouenji answers with 7 tweets worth of respectful paragraph of why Anna shouldn't be criticized bcs of how she was brought up, bcs of her isolation, and bcs of her grief, etc. So, everybody lost their mind, etc etc. AND NOW, at the midst of all this, a soccer fan asked him the question below that he answered without thinking much about:

This blew up and his notifications gets flooded with questions about his sexuality and questionable taste that he really didn't mind answering if it wasn't blowing up his phone.

He was out with everyone in his circle that he forgot the world didn't know he's bi. So, he fixed that by tweeting "yes, im bisexual" on his timeline. He logs out and then decided to wait a few months before logging in again.

This didn't sound as fun as I amped it up to be but I think it's a terribly bland HC that I find kind of funny

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT ASK!! I VERY MUCH WANT TO HEAR YOURS!!!

[stonyponyofficial]

hi!!!! :3 here are "some songs" ive been "listening to" that "i" think "you" should too!

spotify || youtube

notes on each below ^w^

Big Dipper - Death Grips: this song has such a good bounce to it, it makes me move no matter what, i cant help it. especially the chorus cuz ill start singing along and, well, then theres no stopping me. ill wiggle in my seat or like put some bounce in my step. which is all fun when im listening to music at home, but at work, where i mostly listen to music, i cant i have to skip the song. plus i love u songs that end with a good few minutes of noise just because, i never skip u i swear 🥺

classic j dies and goes to hell - glass beach: im fiiiinally getting around to glass beach and why didn't ANYONE say it was good? don't think ive heard the opinion that the first glass beach album is good yet. i wanted to listen to more bc of the hazel "Twinkle Park" version of the self titled song which is also very good but i put this one on this list bc it builds energy and emotion soooo well. it starts so somber but builds and builds till we're screaming about supporting each other and making a home for yourself despite despite despite.

DOGTOOTH - Tyler, The Creator: he creates once more! i always forget i had a kinda big tyler thing in high school until he releases new music. out of all his recent releases post-Flower Boy, Call Me didnt connect with me as much, but this single from the Call Me If You Get Lost "estate sale" of stuff that didnt make the album surprisingly did! it feels a little flowerboy-ish in the production but has the call me vibes of like "i can afford all these cars, buy my neighbors house, and ill still take my private plane to Switzerland for the day just cuz i was craving some nice chocolate" very braggadocio, very tyler, very good :)

Dumbass!! - Machine Girl: this song both sounds like and has similar effects as brainworms. it fuckin. got in there and made me quantifiably more insane than i was before. said brainworms make me wanna scream the lyrics and scuffle my feet and just like run into traffic and dance around the cars bc this song makes me believe i could and id be fine. i hope to fucking god they play this at the mg/100 gecs show. this song is also one of the few times ive looked up the lyrics for a machine girl song, usually content to just let the beats jar my head, and as soon as i did i couldnt get them out :) like some sort of... thought... eating... something or other idk theres probably a word for it (<-the worms are finally getting to her)

Fantastic Cat - Takako Minekawa: this song is sooooo cute, there is so much synth and whimsy to be had! unfortunately i don't know much about the artist bc this was one of the first songs i found after using Radiooooo (which u should be basically required to use if u like music and finding new music) set to Japan in the 90s, but she's part of the 'shibuya-kei' genre/subculture that was popular during that time, which sounds like an interesting topic to dive into :3 the whimsy contained in this song is almost too much tho. the melody is so sweet, that wind instrument is so silly, and the moog breakdown in the middle too is. well, its all quite fantastic.

HI 5 - Frost Children: i took too long making this post that this entry went from originally a cheeky indirect plug for their upcoming album bc i just really liked this single to just,, oh the album came out... but either way i wanted to talk about the song bc 2 me its just more proof of how exciting of a voice in hyperpop the frost children are. the bass on it is as crazy and slick as the one on the cover. this whole song just explodes with eccentricity i think ull really like it :) also check out the epic music video! its ai generated for those who'd like to know beforehand, but they use it to like. rotoscope real footage its preddy neat!

Introduce me to your family - Otoboke Beaver: i made a little post recently about Otoboke Beaver's influence on six impala's WFLYTD, and after revisiting their album, Itekoma Hits, after making that post i got this one stuck in my head for a while. the hook hooks (the main reason i had it in my head for so long), the bass is groovy, the guitars are sharp, the rage is channeled, its all here! they keep all the energy going and growing the whole time until you cant help but scream along.

こんがらがった! (Kongaragatta!/Tangled up!)- Necry Talkie: started reading the bocchi manga recently (im just past where the show ends as of now :3) and they have art at the beginning of each chapter with the kessoku band members that references visuals from like irl japanese bands and music videos which i thought was really cool! of course i had to find a collection of all the referenced songs, and what do ya know... this cute little number was in there! (if ur wondering it's the art for chapter 18 that references this song's music video :3) its such a dinky beat at first (said so so lovingly) but it evolves into a precise, energetic little jam.

One Million Dollars - 100 gecs: this fucking sonnng.. not everyones fav off 10k i know but it is for me :3 it just rattles me in such a specific way. it originated and is the only way to sate the need in my brain to hear what it was like for nic cage in that "not the bees!!!!" scene. i love it sm, but im absolutely biased from my hearing this at a gec show and falling for it right then and there. the live version and the album version are a bit different and i think the changes they made for the album make it a fuller song i just. loved the feeling of hearing this live so much. i would just search up the epic live version at terminal 5 where Laura fucking SHREDS on the guitar at the end over and over while i was waiting for the album. again, makes me very excitied to see them and machine girl soon :3

o (__*) - Hakushi Hasegawa: i dont know much about this artist but goddamn the few songs i have heard from them have made such an impression. u know a song is good when its not even dnb but uses the "yeah.. woo!" sample to keep everything going. and yeah with how crazy fucking banana bonkers jazzy and technical the drums and piano get at times it needs that tiny bit of stability at least. this song feels like the epitome of controlled chaos in the absolute best way possible.

PARTY GIRL - Angel Electronics: after rook's latest solo album came out i decided to go back and visit this collab project of hers with ash nerve i had missed at first and.... weeeeeeh ;w; this song makes me wanna cry every time. rook can obviously write some bangers but i love her more tender songs too. so many parts come together to make it just the sweetest thing. the part that stuck with me the most was the chorus, like it's sooo cute id just sing it to myself on loop bc it leads into itself so well. i wanna just keep talking about how fucking cute this song is but like George Costanza voice the love story between the party girl and the weird shy girl got to me okay?

Prime - Marnie Stern: kinda the reason im making this list hehe :3 this song was on char 'igottawin' mp3's most recent WILT (what im listening to) poast (hi char :3) and it was What Im was Listening To... too... (both of us bc of this epic animation) so here it is on MY knockoff WILT post too mwahaha hahaha! haha but seriously guys this song is quite good. it does so much with all the variations on just that one verse and i get sucked into the lyrics and the guitars. and by the fourth time im chanting this same unending verse the song is surprisingly over and i just wanna listen to it again. this one deserves a 10 hr extended version frfr

Wait and Bleed - Slipknot & 青春コンプレックス(Seishun Complex) - Kessoku Band: whats this? a double entry? ahaha yes! 😈 i would've put these songs here separately bc ive been getting into both slipknot (thank u char :3) and the actual kessoku band album, both of which are quite good on their own. but i only combine their entries here bc of this epic mashup of these two songs by the aforementioned rook blackdresses which makes me unable to sing either without thinking of the other song. like the first three chords of the bocchi theme start playing and my brain wants to scream the GOODBYEEEEEE from Wait and Bleed. the slipknot chorus melds with the kessoku band guitars soooo well. to me they are pieces from different puzzles entirely but they still fit together <3

wants mom to know she looks cool and doesn't plan on changing - leroy: i finally listened to the dariacore and accompanying berdlycore serieseses and ive loved diving into this little subculture of silly hyperpop meme mashups that fuck immensely. takes the silly to earnest and very good pipeline to a new level. plus having been a fan of dltzk and jane's other stuff its the one thing i never really got into but there are. so many dariacore related things i need to listen to now. i feel like theres lore i have to catch up on but im excitied :3 this is one of my faves off dariacore 2: electaria corebaloo (not what its called)

This has been... Post! thanks for your time. if u read this far i love u so much please never forget that. 'til summer music-heads! *curtsies and shows myself off-stage*

[fantastickkay]

Album Review of the Week: Lana Del Rey - Did You Know That There's A Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd (2023) ☆☆☆☆

LDR's ninth album opens with The Grants whose intro reflects a rehearsal of background singers which then morphs into a relaxed piano ballad. Her vocals are strong and better than ever thus far. The track swells into an emotionally gripping crescendo as the background singers take their posts, the piano grows more insistent and strings begin.

The album's title track Did You Know That There's A Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard is next. The vocals are not quite as clear, we get back to the mumbling that tends to plague LDR tracks. Meanwhile, the melody flows like a swirl of autumn leaves on a soft, windy day. The pleading cries of "when's it gonna be my turn / don't forget me" echo throughout the track and again swells into a driving chorus, really folding you into this soundscape that is being introduced to you.

Sweet continues the piano ballad streak, it's a bit more sleepy and not quite as gripping as its predecessors.

A&W was the second single for this album and what made me interested in hearing the entire project (I tend to skip some LDR releases, mostly because it's hard to keep up with!) The second half is what gripped me at first but the more I listened to it, the more I appreciate the entire seven minute track. Something about the melody when she says "this is the experience of being an American whore" just really snaps you into it, as do the urgent high notes in the verses. Once we hit the four minute mark, the bass comes in and I was like 👀, excuse me... hello! After lamenting trouble finding love due to her apparent promiscuity, we get into a sassy moment where she tells them they're f*king up big time! And then I find myself bopping big time to a Lana Del Rey song, which doesn't happen too often just because they don't usually go this hard!

the judah smith interlude is an instant skip, bye. i hate the yelling!

Saving the moment, Candy Necklace comes in. The piano on this one is absolutely haunting. The music video definitely made me pay more attention to this track. I love the chorus's melody and how it quickens pace throughout. The piano solo is so incredibly gorgeous! This is followed by the Jon Batiste Interlude, he was featured on the previous track, and we get more of that haunting piano which is really great. It is also accompanied with studio chatter and some playful vocals from our main songstress.

With Kitsugi, we enter a portion of the album that doesn't have a lot of re-listen value to me. I'll play the songs when listening to the album in full but I don't think about them otherwise, just too slow! Maybe it is leftover fatigue, but Fingertips is somehow less interesting.

Paris, Texas picks things up with an interesting piano riff and vocals that closely follow its melody in a music-box fashion. One can nearly picture a ballroom waltz.

And now, for a title so long you cannot even read it in Spotify if you tried! Grandfather Please Stand On the Shoulders of My Father While He's Deep Sea Fishing. It has an almost movie-like quality as it picks up, almost feels like you are entering a fantasy world. Perhaps, an ocean that you can fly and breathe in, enjoying the scenery and wildlife around you.

Let the Light In is a good medium between the sleepy ballads and something that makes you pay attention. It is a sweet duet with Father John Misty that makes me think of a sleepy morning with the one you love!

Margaret takes a while to grab my attention, but I do really like the ending with spoken word and then the background singers become more prominent. That brings a more casual feel to end this string of more serious tunes. I really like the piano as it fades out as well.

Fishtail brings some bass back into the equation and even has some vocal effects which is unusual!

Okay, now we get into the fun part and the REASON I went straight to Target after work the day this came out. Peppers! The energy, the reverb, the beat, the hook. I never thought I would hear Lana Del Rey chant "hands on my knees" let alone follow it with "angelina jolie". I can see this being a great end-of-the-night cool-down track at the club. And then it takes another turn with a 60s bass line?? Ugh, so good.

Taco Truck x VB is my favorite track off of this album. What a closer! The instrumentals are absolutely fantastic. Spoiler alert - let me tell you when it morphed into Venice Bitch I lost my damn mind!!! That is one of my favorite songs of all time and having a "mini" version is so much fun as well as the fact that it was spiffed up a bit.

One thing I don't really love about this album is how the volume fluctuates, that is a big pet peeve of mine. It is very quiet and then we get to a song's climax and suddenly I have to scramble to turn it down a bit!

Although I do feel this album is a bit bloated and could lose a few tracks, the ones that I enjoy are songs that I kind of cannot stop listening to and this album has been in the back of my mind ever since it came out. I really wish I could appreciate Lana Del Rey the way that I know a lot of her fans do, but even though I am not there she still fascinates me a great deal.

While most of this album is the usual fare, there is a lot more experimenting as well which I absolutely love and hope to see more of in the future!

[highnoteds]

*    𝐔𝐏 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓  ;      listen  to  the  latest  track  by   cai !

hold your f*** horses !   cai washington   has just been spotted walking into revolution headquarters. they are best known for being a   pop / r&b soul singer   and have been signed with the label for   seventeen years.   they share a lot of interesting things about life in the music industry on their social media, so make sure you don’t forget to follow them at   @callmecai.  fans know them for being attention seeking   but i swear they’ve got a   determined   side as well. maybe that explains why they’re always associated with   red being your signature color, the scent of vanilla lingering behind when you pass a crowd,  and popping open a bottle of champagne in the vip section.   stan twitter even voted them most likely to   not try to hide the fact that they’re lip-syncing.   we’ll see how they live up to that reputation.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           THE   BASICS

 birthname :   cai  washington  .

nickname(s) :   n/a   +   utp  .    

birthdate  +  age :    october   25th  ;   thirty4  .    

ethnicity :   vietnamese - black .    

gender  +  pronouns :   cis   female,   she   /   her   pronouns  .    

orientation :    biromantic,   bisexual  .    

birthplace :   new   orleans,  louisiana  .    

current   residency :   new   york   city,   ny .    

previous   employment :   previous  singer  for  girl  group  D4L.    

occupation :   pop  /  r&b  soul  singer  +  model.

astrology :   scorpio   sun,   aries   moon  .

language(s) :   vietnamese,  english  .

height :   five   foot   one  [  5′1  ]  .    

positive   traits :    sociable,   determined,   lighthearted  .     

negative   traits :   attention  seeking,  stubborn,  argumentative  .    

discography  inspiration :    ashanti,   victoria  monet,   ciara,   cassie,   kehlani.    

career  inspiration :    saweetie,   rihanna.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           THE   STORY  SO  FAR

originally,  back  in  march  2005,  cai  had  just  signed  a  five  year  contract  with  revolution  records  with  three  other  female(s) / nb  to  form  the  girl  group  that  became  known  as  D4L.  

the  group  had  a  sound  similar  to  danity  kane  and  the  pussycat  dolls  and  stayed  a  group  until  2010.  there  were  differences  between  the  members  that  consisted  mainly  over  line  distribution,  solo  promotions,  and  favorites  being  played  when  it  came  to  styling  and  much  more.  among  the  four,  two  of  them  (  cai  &&.  redacted  )  would  go  on  to  continue  as  solo  artists  while  the  others  did  their  own  thing.  

cai’s  solo  career  in  the  beginning  was  going  great!  by  2014,  she  had  released  3  successful  albums  and  featured  on  many  magazine  covers.  things  were  looking  up  for  her  until  2015  when  she  was  on  a  talk  show  and  basically  threw  shade  towards  her  ex  members  by  referring  to  herself  as  the  “more  important  member.”

this  was  just  the  beginning  of  her  downfall.  people  would  call  her  immature  and  unprofessional  which  would  illicit  some  ...  not  so  nice  responses  in  the  form  of  an  instagram  paragraph.  whenever  she  felt  like  she  deserved  an  award  or  a  performer  slot  for  an  event,  she’d  rant  about  it  on  a  live  and  basically  called  out  the  “least  memorable”  artist  saying  they  lacked  stage  presence,  or  something  like  that.  she’s  ridiculous  LMAOO.

not  to  throw  in  a  headcanon  early  but  literally,  she  started  calling  people  industry  plants  first.

it  was  2020  :   cai  decided  to  release  a  comeback  album  after  her  hiatus  in  music  and  it  was  a  nice  commercial  hit!  it  charted  at  #9  on  charts  such  as  billboard  but  was  a  good  return.  then  came  her  live  performance  and  ...  it  was  not  great.

lip-syncing,  barely  dancing,  etc  etc.  the  entire  show  was  a  mess,  and  her  pr  manager  had  a  field  day  trying  to  clear  her  name  but  there  was  no  escaping  this.

since  then  her  music  career  has  taken  a  major  hit.  not  many  bookings,  and  she’s  constantly  trending  online  for  the  wrong  reasons.  however,  she  does  dress  impress  which  is  the  best  thing  going  for  her  right  now.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           HEADCANONS  +  FUN  FACTS

she’s  known  for  many  things  negative  but  the  biggest  positive  is  her  being  meme  worthy.  there’s  a  gif  of  her  rolling  up  her  window  after  leaving  a  concert  in  a  screaming  fan’s  face  as  she  was  just  deadpanned  that’s  used  everywhere.  

cai  is  a  drama  lover  but  hates  her  own  drama  !!  crazy !!  she’s  an  avid  watcher  of  gossip  blogs  and  daytime  television  programs  that  cover  celebrities  and  can  be  found  scrolling  through  the  latest  news  on  her  phone  or  laptop.

her  relationship  between  her  and  her  parents  are  strained  though  it’s  mainly  on  her  mother’s  side  because  she  warned  her  that  music  “wasn’t  going  to  get  her  anywhere”  and  is  tired  of  seeing  cai  look  like  a  fool  everywhere  she  looks.  her  dad  just  wants  his  little  girl  happy.

huge  party  person !!  loves  getting  dolled  up  and  wasted  to  the  point  where  she’s  still  tripping  over  her  own  feet  the  next  morning.  expect  to  her  see  her  anywhere  where  paparazzi  might  be!

you  can  call  her  anything  you  want  but  you  can  never  call  her  a  bad  dresser!  her  outfits  are  always  stunning,  never  misses  a  beat  with  it  comes  to  her  styling.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           WANTED  CONNECTIONS  +  PLOTS

definitely  her  old  group  members!  i  have  ideas  for  2  of  them  (  a  soloist  who’s  more  successful  than  cai,  an  employee  who  she’s  cordial  with  )  but  the  fourth  member  could  be  anything!

publicity  stunt  relationship.  she’s  fun,  i  promise!  just  a  handful.

her  pr  manager  who’s  slowly  thinking  about  quitting  but  has  been  in  her  life  since  2011  and  just  can’t  leave  her.

a  friend  who  hits  her  upside  the  head  with  a  magazine.  knock  some  sense  into  her,  helps  her  out  and  adores  girls  night  sipping  wine  in  her  penthouse.

i  can  see  some  artists  either  doubting  her  music  career,  or  some  of  them  who  feels  bad  considering  she’s  been  here  for  years.

maybe  somebody  who  pretends  to  be  a  fan  just  to  sabotage  her  a  bit  more!  or  who  uses  her  for  more  publicity  (  she  does  have  a  few  usages  trust  me  )  could  be  an  upcoming  artist  who  throws  shade  at  her  later  on!

i’m  open  to  anything!  please  im  me  on  discord  if  you  haven’t  already  if  you  wish  to  plot!

[emailsicantsnd]

inspired by @imtalkin​ but here’s my sabrina story!!!! took a long time bc there’s a lot of history and i remember it all in great detail so this was written in hella chunks bc a girl gets tired 😗 also adding the cut just so y’all are prepared for the amount of stuff that’s under it lol

so i started watching gmw way back when it first aired and first off just felt so seen by maya’s character and then learned that she was played by the incomparable sabrina carpenter right around the time CBAGFT came out and i just LOVED the song right off the bat esp. because i was really into a guy i did sports with and it was kinda my hype song to get me to ask him out (nothing came of it tragically). with the pilot and following the show so intently as well as loving her music from the get go, i just knew i had to follow everything she did. so i kept watching gmw, started my main blog for the purpose of posting about it (it’s still all there at the start of my archive since i was a diehard lucaya shipper and am still not over it) and patiently waited for her debut album after playing the CBAGFT ep to death (and silver nights, her best christmas song). 

so we keep watching gmw and she releases eyes wide open and i was sad ONLY bc she wasnt touring near me and i really wanted to see her live! but i of course loved the album front to back. the chokehold the lyric “everybody loves to tell me i was born an old soul” had on me was INSANE. also top three from the album bc i feel like it: your love’s like, seamless, and probably ewo (although i would def put some of the ep songs up there in the top 3 but since we had them before the album i only wanna rank the new album songs)

some time passes and she announces on purpose which will always have such a special place in my heart and always be one of my favorite songs of hers forever bc the day after it was released is when i had the epiphany i was in love with my best friend after spending the night with him and that was the song i played the next morning as i was packing my bags to go home and i realized “oh shit i’ve been in love with him for years”  🥴

finally, she releases EVOLution which also is a special album to me bc that was the first tour i finally got to see her on and meet her! i remember buying m&g tickets in my health class and she was actually coming to my city (never happens) so i was ECSTATIC!!! i will never forget that day of the concert, i was wearing the smoke and fire limited capsule merch she did to raise money for the red cross and a pair of booties i had bought that she had worn that one of those like “fashion of sabrina carpenter” blogs posted back in the day. also that tour was so well set up like the line to get to the meet and greet had a stop at the merch table so we could buy our merch on the way which is so smart and im mad no one’s ever done that since (at least to tours i’ve been to w/ m&g). she was such an angel to meet, i was so stupid and the first thing i said when they opened the curtains to the little photo op was “oh my god you’re you!” and she was so nice about me being awkward and she was like “im me!” i told her how i was such a fan and loved her music and loved gmw and she was so nice and thankful and we took our professional photo and a selfie on my phone and i will never forget how she is the only celeb i’ve met who made sure to ask my name bc i always forget to mention it and she would not let me leave until i told her my name, which she said was a “beautiful name” 🥰🥰🥰 and then i went up to the french fry party upstairs w/ the q&a portion. i think i was like one of the only ppl who asked a genuine question whereas everyone else asked her to record a vid saying hi to their friends. i had asked what her favorite song to write on the album was and she said feels like loneliness “becaue it happened like lightning*snapped her fingers*” and explained the writing process (i still have the vid of her answering my quesiton) 🥰 it was the first concert i ever got to be in the front row, and it was AMAZING like the chair dance??? iconic. the neon signature sign???? iconic. that’s when i knew i chose the right person to stan. 

fast forward a while and im still listening as strong as ever, almost love drops, she announces singular, PARIS DROPS and i remember my jaw was on the FLOOR when that came out (im a paris girlie more than a sue me girl like i remember her tweeting something like she’s played both songs and finds certain types of ppl liked paris and other types liked sue me does anyone remember this???). i remember putting my earbuds in and strutting around throughout my day feeling like such a baddie. the most devastating part of this era was that she did not come to my state to tour, and the next closest location i couldnt make it to so i didnt get to see her which was so sad especially bc maggie lindemann was opening for her and i also love her too :( but singular act 1 was and is phenomenal and i adore it so much. not to mention act 2 dropping, i was so glad we actually got exhale instead of it getting the alone together treatment 👀 👀 but im still so sad i didnt get to see any of those songs live. but i am thrilled i’ll get to hear honeymoon fades this month (god i remember the way we acted when she released that song and was dating gr*ffin 🥴 what a doozy that was)

i really dont like talking about the DL drama at all bc it was SO unfair to sabrina and josh and i dont like the way any of it went down and the lack of accountability. all im gonna say is i’ve been a diehard fan of sabrina since day one, and it broke my heart that she went through that at all and nothing could make me turn on blondie. it’s still kinda weird that i have friends that act like it’s a sin when i bring up that im a sabrina stan like bffr y’all are weird for asking me if she’s really my fave... skin was so good tho i loved that song 

anyhow, so onto the eics era!!!! my hot take is that i love skinny dipping (the song lmao), but i feel like fast times would have been a stronger choice for lead single 👀 🤷🏽‍♀️ 👀 (like literally just swap the order, release skinny dipping as the second single w/ the video) i played the SHIT out of fast times like she was right especially after learning how short life is after covid especially, these really are fast times and fast nights. also vicious??? INCREDIBLE i was screaming that shit daily until the album came out. and the ALBUM!!!! i was on vacation in california when it dropped so i think im always gonna associate it with staying up late to listen to it while looking out at the city lights from the suburbs. and i ADORED it. how many things had me crying bc call back to the on purpose story from earlier! by listening to it in california which is where we were last togtheter, not only did how many things remind me of him, but being in the same place again??? ouch my heart 🥴 this makes me want to do a ranking bc i love all her songs and eics is skipless perfection but safe to say the album has been on repeat ever since. sadly, she didnt come to my state AGAIN for the first leg of the eics tour, but she is for this leg so i’ll be seeing her this month for the first time since 2016 and i could not be more excited !!!!!!!!!!

ALSO since i dont ever get to tell this story i was one of the winners of the signed sweet tooth perfume sweepstakes which was fucking insane???? one of the best moments ive had being a fan of hers bc that was insane and it smells so fucking good???? the email saying i had won went to my junk folder so im so glad i actually checked it when i did or i would have been DEVASTATED 

also the deluxe???? opposite and things i wish you said BROKE ME IN HALF and ofc lonesome and feather are also incredible!!!! she doesnt miss ever!!!!

i feel like most of this is just reactions to her albums and my evolution tour story but it really is just that i’ve been a fan since day one and have not wavered in that, and will always be here for miss carpenter  ♥️♥️♥️

sorry that was a lot but it’s been a lot of years i’ve been a fan lol

[newmusickarl]

5-9’s Album of the Month Podcast – Episode 3 Coming Soon!

March has now come to an end, which means the next edition of the 5-9 Album of the Month Podcast will soon be live, in which myself, 5-9 Editor Andrew Belt, Check This Out’s Kiley Larsen and Blinded by The Floodlights’ Matthew McLister review five high profile album releases from the past month in music, and ultimately name one as our Album of the Month at the end of the discussion.

For a stacked March, the five albums we will be covering are:

Fantasy by M83 (Poll winner, thanks to everyone who voted!)

The Record by Boygenius

LIES by LIES

Rides On by The Nude Party

Praise A Lord Who Chews But Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds) by Yves Tumor

If you want to listen to the February episode simply click the link below, but also be sure to follow 5-9 Blog on Instagram and Twitter for more news and polls relating to the podcast, along with other great content like film reviews, sports articles and more.

Listen to the February 2023 episode here

Album & EP Recommendations

Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd by Lana Del Rey

A woman who needs no introduction at this point, one of the most hotly anticipated releases of the year so far finally arrived this month in the form Lana Del Rey’s eighth studio album – Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd (which we can all agree is a peak Lana type of album title).

Having delivered her undisputed magnum opus Norman Fucking Rockwell (NFR) back in 2019, Miss Lizzy Grant has not rested on her laurels since, quickly following up with two more albums in 2021 – Chemtrails Over The Country Club and Blue Banisters. Whilst both records had their moments, the former more so, neither quite came close enough to the theatre, majesty and sheer perfection of NFR. However now back with her fourth album in as many years, Lana has once again hit some career best highs on Did you know…, albeit a record that still has its flaws.

Let’s start off on the positives though and there are plenty to talk about - particularly the entire first half of this record where the songs presented can easily stand toe to toe with anything on NFR. Opener The Grants welcomes the listener with some gorgeous gospel vocal harmonies, before Lana herself takes over with her inimitable vocals, exquisitely sharing memories of her family. The title track is then even better and already one of my favourite Lana tracks, with its stirring strings, anguished vocals and heartbreaking lyrics of self-loathing (“Open me up, tell me you like me, Fuck me to death, love me until I love myself”). As Lana is joined by a choir for the swelling “Don’t Forget Me” refrain in the song’s outro, you’d have to be cold hearted to not be greatly moved.

After the sweeping heartache of Sweet, seven-minute epic A&W is another career highlight which sees Lana detail “the experience of being an American Whore.” It’s vintage Lana, with the first half stripped back and centred around her sublime, hushed vocals, before it steadily morphs into a rumbling, trap style beat as she sarcastically sings “Your Mom called, I told her, you’re fucking up big time.” Just superb.

After an interlude from social media preacher Judah Smith, the Jon Baptiste featuring Candy Necklace then delivers another big album highlight, as a simple piano arrangement beautifully glides off Lana’s vocals on the poetic chorus of “You’ve been acting pretty reckless, dancing like the young and restless.” After the extended Jon Baptiste outro, Kintsugi strikes a similar chord with just Lana singing live alongside a piano – again just stunning and really spotlights what a special artist she has become.

However, as I mentioned the album isn’t without it’s flaws and it’s around the midway point these start to become more noticeable – the main one being the album’s length. This is Lana’s longest record to date and whilst the songs in the middle section like Paris Texas, Grandfather… and her collaborations with Father John Misty and Bleachers sound great in isolation, you may find yourself weary of Lana’s singular pace by the time you reach this portion of the record. Twice whilst listening front-to-back I found myself falling into a bit of a lull during these tracks, but returning to them individually afterward helped me to connect with them. Also for me, these songs just don’t quite match up to those in the first half – at least after a few plays.

Thankfully though Lana pulls it back around at the end, thanks to the infectious trap groove of the album’s most pure pop moment, Peppers. This is then followed by closing track Taco Truck x VB, which brazenly morphs halfway through into a remix of her own classic track, Venice Bitch from NFR. Is this a lazy finish or a cool flex? I’ll let you decide.

So whilst I’ve seen a lot of people saying Lana has knocked it out the park again with this one and possibly delivered her best yet, I’m not quite in that same boat. I do however think it’s definitely in the top half of her discography, and the first half of this record in particular is as good as anything she has ever done. I do still feel that Lana may have oversaturated her catalogue somewhat, and if she had just waited to combine the best half of this record, the best half of Chemtrails and the gems from Blue Banisters like the title track, Arcadia and Nectar of the Gods, she may have had another NFR level masterpiece on her hands.

That said though, I admire the work ethic and frequency at which Lana is delivering new music and I’m not going to complain too much about having a mountain of music from her over the last few years. The fact she’s been so productive and still served up some of the very best work of her career, really it can only be admired.

Listen here

SCARING THE HOES by JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown

An album that thankfully went from rumour to reality pretty quickly, the last few weeks has also seen hip hop sensations JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown release their much-anticipated collaboration album – and it doesn’t disappoint.

Opener and lead single Lean Beef Patty basically captures everything that you can expect from this record in a nutshell - a sub 2-minute hurricane of hard electronic blasts, masterful production from JPEG and mesmerising lyrical wizardry from both artists. For 36 minutes, SCARING THE HOES is just an absolute blast of fun, thriving on chaotic beats, cheeky samples and ice-cold bars – everything you would want and expect from a project featuring these two cult superstars.

In terms of moments of magic there’s plenty too, with the first half boasting the dazzling and wittily titled Steppa Pig, the energetic, jazz-infused title track and the Kelis-sampling Fentanyl Tester. Then the back end sees Maryland rapper Redveil join the duo for the oddly enchanting Kingdom Hearts Key, whilst the pair then spit over some wildly distorted lounge piano on the bizarre yet brilliant, Jack Harlow Combo Meal. That said, my personal favourite track is the emphatic, horn-backed Burfict! which is so gloriously triumphant, I’ll be very surprised if we hear a better hip hop beat this year.

Overall, this record is just a tonne of fun and a real early 2023 standout from the hip hop genre. Here’s hoping we get more from these two in the future!

Listen here

Live At Bush Hall by Black Country, New Road

Carrying on after losing a founding member is never easy, and these next two albums both come in the wake of such a moment for these two bands - albeit in two very different circumstances.

Firstly we have an outfit still relatively in their infancy - art-rockers Black Country, New Road (BCNR). Having earned a Mercury Prize for their debut For The First Time before then blowing critics and fans away with their deeply moving, beautifully crafted sophomore record Ants From Up There (one of my Top 5 Albums of 2022), BCNR looked to be on the verge of big things. However, with frontman Isaac Wood stepping away from the band for mental health reasons prior to Ants From Up There’s release, the remaining six-piece collective were suddenly seemingly sent back to square one.

Promising to not perform any of their music prior to Isaac’s departure ever again, the band instead began to play a few shows of entirely new music, which is exactly what has now been captured in this Live At Bush Hall release. This live album feels like the perfect next step and rebirth for BCNR, showing that although Isaac was a huge loss, they still have plenty to offer both as a live force and as songwriters going forward. If you don’t believe me, check out the full live performance for yourself below and pay particular attention to epic tracks The Boy and Turbines/Pigs which are my early favourites from Black Country, New Road Mk. 2.

Watch the full Live At Bush Hall performance here

Listen to the live album here

Memento Mori by Depeche Mode

Written and recorded amidst COVID limitations before then being released following the tragic sudden passing of founding member Andy Fletcher in 2022, Depeche Mode’s fifteenth studio album was seemingly destined to be a hefty, emotionally charged listen. Haunting lead single Ghosts Again remains one of the best singles of the year so far and offered fans an early window into the thematic and sonic content of Memento Mori. However even with this, I’m sure not many expected the final result to be Dave Gahan and Martin Gore’s best work since at least 2005’s Playing The Angel – possibly even earlier.

Perfectly balancing the darkness in the lyrics with uplifting electronic-driven melodies, the band have also enlisted the help of Psychedelic Furs vocalist Richard Butler who elevates tracks Don’t Say You Love Me and Caroline’s Monkey. There’s also some late career classics from the duo, with the neon-soaked melancholy of Wagging Tongue, the industrial-backed vulnerability of Before We Drown and the exhilaratingly anthemic Never Let Me Go all standing out.

Overall, this is a towering work from a band now well over 40 years into their career, which helps make it all the more impressive. Using the pair’s own description, Memento Mori runs “the gamut from paranoia and obsession to catharsis and joy, and hitting myriad points between" – and if that doesn’t sell you, nothing will.

Listen here

That Sweet Breath EP by Lowmello

Then on the EPs front this week, Santa Fe label Mama Mañana records are continuing to kill it with each release and this latest one from indie-rock multi-instrumentalist Abel John, who goes by the alias Lowmello, continues their hot streak.

Starting initially on a trippy vortex that even Kevin Parker would be proud of, Abel’s powerful raw vocals and buzzy guitars soon cut in on opener Red Lipstick, bringing some welcome unique flavour to proceedings. It’s a scintillating start which soon makes way for excellent single Fool, a track inspired by Abel’s own arrest for drink driving a few years back. Turning this embarrassing mistake into a shareable lesson, Fool is the result of an artist turning a corner and finding clarity in what they want to create, with the song wonderfully channelling Pretty Years-era Cymbals Eat Guitars for a grungy yet poppy belter of a track.

After that brilliant opening one-two combo, I’m pleased to say the EP doesn’t let up from there. 26 is a soaring, sand-dusted anthem of the ilk that made The Killers global superstars, whilst Andrew is a charmingly reflective ode to Abel’s own family and upbringing. The EP’s title track then triumphantly wraps things up in a haze of swirling guitar riffs, inspired by an enlightening hot yoga session and carrying with it more than a few callbacks to The Strokes.

Overall, this is a fantastic EP from Lowmello that delivers 5/5 on the indie belters front. If you love your guitars and have 15 minutes to spare, don’t sleep on this one.

Listen here

Rides On by The Nude Party

“The Nude Party is now back with their third full-length record, Rides On, an auditory trip through the late sixties and early seventies, with their barn studio serving as the time machine. For those familiar with the band, this may not sound like much of a change from their first two records, and you’d be correct. The thing is, The Nude Party is one of those groups that pick a lane and choose to barrel down the highway in a tank (with flowers shoved in the cannon, of course).

At the same time, this is the first album with The Nude Party self-producing at their upstate barn, like The Band at Big Pink, and it might be why Rides On is more relaxed and playful than their previous work. Things are much bluesier this time, like the barroom tack and harmonica on “Polly Anne” and the closer, “Red Rocket Ride.” We even have a magnificently greasy cover of Dr. John’s “Somebody Tryin’ to Hoodoo Me” for one of the record’s best moments.”

Read Kiley Larsen’s full review here

Listen here

A Fistful of Peaches by Black Honey

“Almost two years to the day since their last album release, the quartet are back with a new focus on third effort A Fistful of Peaches. The Brighton band’s new one is their most personal and open album yet…Black Honey’s third album is full of heavy guitars and big choruses, sprinkling some sweetness throughout. Make no mistake, this is an alt rock record to be played LOUD. Albeit the lack of variety is off-putting. At least initially.

A Fistful of Peaches is darker and heavier both in sound and lyrical themes addressed. This, of course, creates an unavoidable contrast to their last. Written & Directed was incredibly immediate but perhaps lacked the substance to revisit long after its release. Here the opposite is achieved. If you aren’t taken by this instantly, eventually you’ll get there and come around to the record’s many earworms.”

Read Matt McLister’s full review for Gigwise here

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Praise The Lord… by Yves Tumor, Fantasy by M83, So Much (For) Stardust by Fall Out Boy

Tracks of the Week

Eucalyptus by The National

Having been left somewhat underwhelmed by The National’s first two singles for their upcoming album First Two Pages of Frankenstein, I’m pleased to say this latest single has thankfully raised my personal hype-o-meter ready for the album dropping next month. Propelled by the Dessner brothers and riding an anthemic chorus of “You should take it, ‘cause I’m not gonna take it”, this is simply the National at their best.

Listen here

No Reason by The Chemical Brothers

When it comes to The Kings of Electronic, you can always expect them to deliver – without even going back to their 90s heyday, just look at 2019’s exceptional No Geography and 2021 single The Darkness That You Fear. Now No Reason continues their recent renaissance, with an instantly danceable groove that shimmers along until it erupts in a blitz of pulsating synths towards the back end. Hopefully a new album is on the way because we want more!

Listen here

Black British by V V Brown

I had completely forgotten about singer-songwriter V V Brown, until the moment I saw this week that she had released her first new music in eight long years. As a big fan of her previous work, particularly 2013’s Samson & Delilah, it’s fantastic to have V V’s talent back in the limelight and Black British is a simply outstanding return. Soulful, urgent and provocative, it’s a song that you simply need to hear.

Listen here

Spellbinding by Smashing Pumpkins

The legendary rockers have already released two thirds of their monster new album ATUM, which is set to clock in at a whopping 2.5 hours and 33 songs once fully released. On sheer probability alone there was always bound to be something worth listening to in that mountain of music and one of those tracks is the first taster for part three of the album, Spellbinding. Living up to its title, it combines playful pop synths, rip-roaring guitars and a hugely anthemic chorus for one of their best songs in years.

Listen here

Stupid by bexx

Retro-banger manufacturer bexx has already proved she is one the most exciting voices emerging in pop music right now, but if you’ve somehow not been convinced yet then her new single Stupid is sure to do the trick. With a (sadly!) relatable sentiment at its core and an instantly catchy earworm chorus, you’ll be singing along in petty rage at your ex in no time. Best experienced with the fun rom-com inspired music video which you can watch below too.

Watch the video here

Listen here

Errors and Repairs by Codice Ego

Something a bit different now, Italian alt-rockers Codice Ego have released their latest single Errors and Repairs this week, with the narrative centred around one of their band member’s experiences dealing with the fallout of a life-changing illness. Dark, industrial and an unsettling tone throughout, it’s shades of Placebo by way of Metric.

Listen here

Beatnik by Fake Turins

North London’s premier disco-psych 11-piece Fake Turins continue their farewell victory lap, having officially announced they will be calling it a day on the 8th June, a date which is set to host their final show at London’s Village Underground. Thankfully they are giving fans one final parting gift, in the form of their Inheritance EP, which is due out a month earlier on the 9th May. Following on from their excellent previous single Yr Made of Gold, the collective have now released the second taster of their upcoming EP. Titled Beatnik, it is a hypnotic barrage of mind-melting riffs, hip-shifting grooves and ominous dread.

Listen here

Lumoflove by Sad Boys Club

We are just over one month out from indie up-and-comers Sad Boys Club finally releasing their debut album, the intriguingly titled Lullabies From The Lightning Tree. Whilst all the singles for the record so far have been great, Lumoflove may just be the best yet, centred around a stirring piano arrangement and a jaw-dropping vocal performance from frontman Jacob Wheldon.

Listen here

She’s A Star (Orchestral Version) by James

Over a decade on from their last highly acclaimed orchestral tour, Mancunian indie legends James will be hitting the road next month accompanied by a gospel choir and 22-piece orchestra for what will surely be one of the live shows of the year. This time around, the band will also be releasing an album titled Be Opened By The Wonderful, featuring these orchestral reimaginings of their biggest and best songs. 90s classic She’s A Star is the first to undergo the treatment and it’s every bit as magical as you would expect.

Listen here

2am (Dan Carey Dub) by Foals

And finally this week, Foals are busy prepping a Dub remix of their brilliant, sun-soaked seventh album, last year’s Life Is Yours, which will be released in a few weeks’ time as part of Record Store Day 2023. The first taste is this mind-altering version of one of the best songs of 2022, remixed by none other than producer of the moment, Mr. Dan Carey. The result? Certified banger!

Listen here

Also worth checking out: In My Head by Nell Mescal, Mommy by Miya Folick, Good Lies by Overmono

REMINDER: If you use Apple Music, you can also keep up-to-date with all my favourite 2023 tracks through my Best of 2023 playlist. Constantly updated throughout the year with songs I enjoy, it is then finalised into a Top 100 Songs of the Year in December.

Add the playlist to your library here

[cirillafionaelenriannon]

i cant even lie 2 u all i am so pretentious abt everything like i was listening to cigarettes after sex eway back in 2017 and i was listening to phoebe bridgers in 2016 & i liked the coquette style when i was thirteen maybe not that that is acceptable or appropriate But i digress. im just saying that at the end of the day everyone on earth is copying ME like all those girls w that one specific spirally ikea bed that they all stole from eachother WELL I GOT THAT BED IN 2018 BEFORE ANY OF YOU EVEN THOUGHT TO. bye. 

[erimeows]

Sari wants to go to a concert of a world famous pop star in Detroit, Optimus gets strung along and the singer starts flirting with him with ten times his confidence, after Sari got her autograph. What would our precious Oppi do about all the attention (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧?

Love your work btw, I need to get into the habit of reposting things lol I always forget :(

Hey! Thanks so much, I really appreciate it. Headcanons below the cut <3

They’re at this concert that he doesn’t really want to be at, just him and Sari. It’d loud, crowded, and too many people have come up to him asking for his autograph and pictures. 

He politely obliges, but is also incredibly anxious; anxious about protecting Sari in the midst of this mess of adults who could easily trample her, about being a literal giant who is probably blocking the view, anxious about the fact that Isaac was kind enough to pay for them to go and he had no way of paying him back.

Bumblebee and Bulkhead are cuddling in a seat somewhere in the crowd, and Ratchet and Prowl are back at the base because they didn’t want to come. 

Optimus is in the very front with Sari on his shoulders, spark slamming in its chamber as the opening act ends. The music is reverberating through the huge outside area as you show up on stage, and his optics go wide in awe, as this is his first time seeing you in person.

Him and Sari actually bonded over your music when he first came to earth. You were one of the only human artists he’d liked, so he had seen all of your music videos, memorized all your songs and their lyrics, watched every interview you’d done and admired your work. It was absolutely insane to see you on stage, especially with Sari there, as she was an even bigger fan than he was.

You start performing and he swears he feels his spark swell. Your voice is even more beautiful in person, and the sight of you all dressed up and in the flesh, singing your heart out is especially captivating to him. At one point during the chorus of one of your songs, you stop and move to the front of the stage, tilting the microphone down to him.

Him and Sari sing the line into the mic, and the crowd cheers and continues, but he swears you looked at him with blushing cheeks and something sparkling in your (e/c) optics when you did that.

Eventually, the show ends and they use their VIP passes to get backstage. Tons of other fans are back there talking to you and some others, but eventually, you work your way out of the crowd and approach him and Sari. 

First, Sari talks to you, and you have a very enthusiastic conversation with her about your music, her and her hobbies, etc before signing the t-shirt Sari is wearing with the cover of your most recent album on it.

Then, you turn to him with a smirk.

“Hey, handsome, need an autograph?” You don’t even ask before lifting yourself up to sign his chestplates- thankfully, with a dry erase marker. Your name is scrawled out across his body, and a weird part of him wants to keep it there forever. “What’s your name?”

“O-Optimus Prime, and you are?” He stammers, voice cracking, and Sari, who is still on his shoulder, laughs at him. “W-Wait, no, I know your name! I’m a huge fan, really... Forgive me, I- I’m a little flustered, I just-”

“Well, Optimus Prime, here’s my number,” You grin and write your number on his palm without even asking before winking at him. “Gimme a call sometime- I can tell you want to, handsome.”

And, of course, he does give you a call- as the humans would do, he waits a couple of days and gives you a ring, and the two of you start setting up dates, those of which have to be kept very secretive and private to avoid paparazzi, but he doesn’t mind it.

Optimus being Optimus, he falls in love with you very quickly. You’re charming and bold, confident and fiery, passionate and loving, direct and open- a lot of things that he isn’t, and he loves you for it. 

The two of you develop a great, dynamic relationship, and everyone loves it. Y’all are in those celebrity magazines all the time, and of course, y’all have a whole ship fandom. 

[sailorhyunjinz]

𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝕾𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖘 𝐈

© 2021 SailorHyunjinz ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

Pairing; Bartender!Changbin x Fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warning ; ANGST!! SMUT!! skz side characters, semi-slow burn, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, depiction of mental disorders, consumption of alcohol, under the influence, self hatred, complicated family relationships, depersonalisation/derealisation, depression, alternative universe, implications of su-cide, semi su-cide attempt, su-cidal!reader, mentions of bl-od and injury, mentions of k-dnapping and murder, alcoholism, mentions of selfh-rm, mentions of knifes, gaslighting, smoking, mentions of weapons, mentions of pregnancies, a bunch of crying, fainting, toxic masculinity. 

𝘕𝘚𝘍𝘞 ; piv, protected sex (use of condom), missionary, dry humping, nicknames, sex in semi-public place, fingering, corruption kink if you squint, orgasm (m/f), cum,,,, other then that it’s kinda vanilla. 

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ; 14.3 k 

O N E ｜ T W O 

From one survivor to another; cheers you guys. 

                         ⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ Playlist ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT - Bea Miller, Aminè]

[Multi-Love - Unknown Mortal Orchestra]

[Beach Baby - Bon Iver]

[High Enough - K.Flay]

[Dope Lovers - DPR IAN]

[Make Out in My Car ; Sufjan Stevens Version - Sufjan Stevens]

[I Feel it Coming ; The weekend, Daft Punk]

[Space Song ; Beach House] (ah the loml and the album is called depression cherry so it makes me happy) 

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 18.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 ; 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲

“Let me out!! LET ME OUT!”

You cry out, banging on the heavy wooden door until your knuckles bruise, red marks leaving their traces on your soft skin. The only lightsource is the tiny cell window, sun shining brightly and illuminating thousands of dust specks, floating around you like your lost hopes. The grey cement walls got closer and closer, seconds ticking in your head like a clock. 

This is it.

This is how you die. 

Crushed to death like a bug, your ambitions never getting their chance to prove themselves. All that you ever wanted to achieve was an impossibility as you were slowly but surely pressed together in the ever shrinking room. 

Salty tears roll down your cheek, a feeling of hopelessness washing over you as you turn your back against the door, sliding down to your feet, banging the back of your head lightly against the entrance.

You feel the rough walls hitting both sides of your forearms, a last ear deafening scream leaving your parted lips.

Until you woke up. 

With a series of jerking motions you sit up, panting like you just ran a marathon, the pounding of your heart audible to you. Darkness swallowed you as the night progressed, you considering yourself lucky to find yourself in your comfortable bed, still in your room. 

Only after minutes do you notice your wet cheeks, the tears not being limited to your dream world. You blink, your coated eyelashes weighing heavy on your eyelids as you wipe tears with the back of your hand. The shock from your dream didn’t reside, you now being too afraid to fall back on your plushy pillow, fearful of what horrible dreams awaited you on the other side. 

You grab your phone from the nightstand, immediately being hit with a bright light causing you to squint and turn away momentarily. 

[Search: being crushed dream meaning]

Multiple articles from all sorts of sketchy websites popped up, you clicking on the first one. 

“Stress or emotionally overwhelmed” 

You laugh lazily, the dream making sense as you feel yourself slipping back into a peaceful slumber, phone still in hand as the muscles in your face relax, jaw opening, your dream world once again inviting you for a dance. 

The sun woke you up with it’s radiant rays shining in your face, the closed blinds barely able to withstand them. Your phone was lying on the floor face down, you must have dropped it while sleeping you thought before rubbing your eyes from any dirt and staring up at the ceiling. 

Another day

Another day that I’m here.

You wish you could pull the covers over your head, get lost in your own mind and never deal with the outside world ever again. But you had to. 

You picked up your phone from the dusty floor that hadn’t been cleaned for weeks, you simply didn’t have the motivation to do it. The bright phone screen awaked you, you blinked your eyes a couple of times to see clearer. 

[3 Missed Calls - Mom]

You couldn’t be bothered to call her back. She was only gonna nag at you for not calling back earlier, wondering what you’ve been up to now that you’ve been fired from your job as a receptionist at the local hotel. What were you gonna say? Drinking too much booze and crying yourself to sleep every night? You couldn’t, that would only hurt her. 

Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

You got up, legs wobbling as you stumbled to the bathroom, head pounding from the amount of alcohol you consumed the night prior. Not with friends but alone, in your living room, in the one room apartment you no longer could afford. 

Ice cold water splashed onto your sweaty face, that being the only hygiene you could muster today. You turned the tap off, grabbing a towel and wiping your face and looking deep into your own eyes. 

That’s not me.

That’s not me looking back. 

You poked your tongue out, hoping the figure in the mirror wouldn’t move and you could confirm your thoughts but alas the figure followed you. You felt crazy, it was as if you’ve died a long time ago but still saw everything that happened. You could stick your hand through a wall and it would disappear you thought, nothing was real. Not even you. 

You entered your mess of a living room, seeing the wreck from yesterday night. Countless green glass bottles scattered on the table in front of the tv that was your only escape from reality. Blankets and pillows were thrown across the floor along with a box of tissues, your emotions bubbling up to the surface too often resulting in you crying and shaking on the floor, a feeling of fear washing over you late at night. 

You felt alone.

But you weren’t.

Fuck, why were you so ungrateful? You had everything. A roof over your head, a family that loves you, friends, food on the table. Yet, even this couldn’t satisfy you. You blamed yourself for everything. 

For your work firing you.

For your parents divorcing.

For your own pathetic life.

You shook your head as if you were shaking the negative thoughts out of your head, instead grabbing a couple of the empty bottles that were reeking with the scent of liquor and placing them on the kitchen counter. ‘Cleaning up’ in your eyes.

With a thump your back landed against the couch that swallowed you, engulfing you in a comforting embrace you got from no other person or object. This was your safe space you thought but not even your couch could save you from your intrusive reasonings. With a light click on the remote the tv screen lit up, your eyes still not used to the brightness since you’re always cooped up in your apartment where the blinds were always closed, another barrier between you and reality. 

Nature documentaries, your favorite.

The calming male voice of the narrator being the only one you talked to during your lonely days. The animals could make you forget. They lived so freely, moving wherever they wanted without a care in the world, either swimming, hopping or flying. You wish you were born as another animal than human. 

“The 52-hertz whale travels an astonishing 70 km a day but it’s voyage doesn’t bring social interactions. This whale is the loneliest whale in the world. It’s the only whale that is capable of emitting a whale call at such frequency, no other individuals communicating with the poor creature.”

You sat up in curiosity. It was a scream for help you thought. The whale needed help, it needed someone or something.

Just like you. 

You sighed, watching the lonely whale on your tv screen, seeing it’s gracious movements despite its size. It did look lonely in that deep dark sea, wondering how it would be to fall into the abyss of water, swallowing you whole and erasing the life that once sparked your soul. 

This was where you spent your entire days. The clock on the wall is ticking but the digits it displayed are oblivious to you. What did it matter if it was 5 pm or 1 am? You were still not gonna budge from your comforting seat on the couch. Drinking your feelings away no matter what time in the day. 

This was you. 

This was who you had become.

The sun started to set on the horizon, a delicate shade of light purple descending over it, covering the end of the world like the way a canopy covers the softness of a bed. You sigh, diverting your focus back on the tv screen after momentarily observing the life outside your window. Yet again, nature documentaries accompanied by the soft male voice, narrating every movement of the colibri that fluttered it’s wings at the speed of light on your screen in vivid colors. 

You got that look in your eyes. That look of amazement which you now only had when looking at the beautiful colors of a exotic bird. You moved closer to the tv screen in the now dark living room, the sun setting at a fast pace. It reminded you of the many times your mom shouted at you to not sit so close to the screen, scaring you by saying that you’d get rectangular eyes. 

Your childhood.

The only time you felt ease. 

The only time your family was as one. 

“y/n, what does your heart look like?” the therapist asked, scribbling mindlessly on a notepad.

“it’s a muscle that pumps blo-” you started but were quickly cut off. 

“no, I mean what does your heart look like, how does it feel?”

You sighed, looking down at the grey marbled floor, your legs shaking in nervousness. You hesitated before speaking, scrambling in your mind to say something sensible before the words came pouring out of you.

“i-it looks like a house. A dark, empty house,,, but it’s comforting.”

Once again you heard the sound of a pencil writing incoherent sentences. Curious as to know what secrets were on that piece of A5-paper.  

“is there anyone in the house with you?” the therapist inquired. 

You shook your head before speaking. 

“I don’t want to let anyone in, this is my safe space” you say, almost setting up an emotional barrier, not wanting to answer further questions. 

The person sitting across from you hummed as you stared out the window behind them, the green ivy bushes already grown tall enough to cover half of the grimy window. 

“is the house empty?” they asked to which you shook your head once again, avoiding the glassy-eyed stare of the therapist. 

“no,,, there are dusty furniture covered in white cloths and-,,, and family photos in the drawers.” 

“is it your family?” 

You shook your head in disagreement.

“How did you end up here?” 

You thought for a second, puffing out your cheeks, a habit of yours. You searched for a reason but not finding any. 

“I just,,, was here one day.”

“The sun never shines here.” you added after a solid 30 seconds of silence. 

You were stuck in that house.

The house that was once filled with happy memories of another family, you simply a ghost that was now trying to fit the broken pieces together, wanting desperately to see them smiling again. 

Tears started forming in your eyes, a shiny gloss over your orbs. 

But you never cried.

Not in front of others. 

You thought often about that visit. Why your heart was an desolate house and why the words spilled out of you like a poisonous liquid.

You closed your eyes, the bright colors fluttering behind your eyelids as the comforting sounds of the woods blasted from the tv. 

You wish you could be somewhere else. 

Anywhere but here. 

A single tear rolled down your cheek as a smile creeped up on your face, your butt against the floor as your knees were underneath your chin, your entire figure curled up into a small ball. 

You sighed as your eyes fluttered open again. You were still here, in your apartment that smelled like nothing but alcohol and disappointment. 

Firmly planting both your hands on the wooden floor you heaved yourself up with the intention of getting more tissues, the blue colored tissue box on the floor being as empty as others expectations of you. 

But as you stood up the entire room started spinning, small specks of rainbow flashing by your eyes. You thought you stood up to quickly grabbing onto the wall for a second before collapsing against it, your entire body shaking. You cried louder, thinking you were about to pass out. Your hair stuck to your tear stained cheek as your puffy eyes closed once again. 

What was happening?

The rain hit your unconscious body, your knees scraped from the concrete you lied on. You were soaked from head to toe, lying with your cheek against the ground in a puddle of rain. You woke up from your head pounding, your bloody knees only gaining your attention after you’ve looked around in a confused daze.

It was empty. An alleyway in the dark night. You found yourself panicked, anxiety bubbling inside of you. That’s when you saw it. A single street light above a red phone booth. You tried to stand up but fell over again as your legs could barely hold you up, now scraping your elbow against the gritty ground. 

Crying out, you started shouting for help. 

“HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP!” 

You screamed at the top of your lungs, voice cracking as your tears started to look identical to the rain that was pouring over your cold, helpless body. Nobody came, your voice only echoing against the wall that the phone booth stood near to. 

You got on all fours, crawling towards the light as pure pain shot through your body, small pebbles jabbing into the open wounds on your knees. You needed shield from the rain. Desperate huffs and groans escaping your parted lips as you dragged yourself through small puddles, the phonebooth seemingly getting further and further away from you. Looking through the soaked curtains that was your hair you were determined, this was life or death you thought as you continued to shout out for help, it appeared to be useless since the only other sound besides your own voice was the rain hitting the ground. 

Shivering hands grabbed onto the corner of the crimson red phonebooth, the streetlight illuminating your teary eyes. You held onto that frigid and wet piece of metal as if you were holding onto a treasure. 

As if you won a race.

As if you pleased your parents.

You looked up, dragging the inner side of your leg against the concrete, your pyjama pants wet to the bone. Desperately you got yourself together, your arms shaking as the rough pads of your hands met the ground, pushing yourself up into a standing position. You hissed at the pain in your knees as you grabbed onto the metal handle that opened the phonebooth, stepping inside.

The inside was surprisingly warm, as if someone had been there moments prior. A ripped piece of paper was taped on the glass pane to the right of the payphone, something that seemed like a phone number but could impossibly be since it wasn’t a full number. 

[1800-xxx]

You looked at the payphone and then back at the washed out paper, the edges of the note curling and stained with yellow. Only when you looked back at the phone again did you notice the keypad. To your surprise there was an “x” button. Your head felt heavy, deciding to lean it against the other side of the stuffy phone booth, your hot breath creating steam on the glass.

You wanted to wake up from this nightmare. 

Your entire body ached, let alone the blood that was dripping down your leg. The rusty payphone connected to the actual phone, a black handle connected to the underside of the machinery by a coiled metal rope. You picked up the phone, putting it against your ear and groaned when you remembered that you needed coins in order for the payphone to work

[0.5 gold/minute] 

You rubbed your eyes. Gold? You sighed loudly, your knees barely being able to hold your weary body any longer. Hesitant fingers pressed the number that was jot down on the lined note, pressing each key accordingly. You pressed the last x before you pressed the “call” button, not expecting anything to happen. 

But after a few seconds a female automated voice spoke to you. 

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice lagged, a static sound accompanying the automated voice. Your breath got shaky as you looked around, holding the phone close to your ear with both hands. This could only be some sort of kidnapping scheme or this was a sick dream. 

“It’s a dream, y/n. Calm down, nothing's gonna hurt you.”

You muttered to yourself, pinching your forearm tightly and wincing from pain. This wasn’t a dream after all. 

Your gaze landed on the brown paper cup that was balancing delicately on top of the payphone, your cracking knuckles reaching for it as you let the phone fall out of your grasp, being caught mere inches from the sticky floor of the photobooth by the coil. Bringing the cup closer to your face you saw a dark viscous liquid that smelled sweet enough to sting your nose. Your face contorted into disgust, debating on whether not to drink the contents of the paper cup. 

“Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice continued ringing in your ears. You had nothing to lose. If you died then you at least got what you wanted. Holding your breath, you brought the cup closer to your quivering lips, parting them slightly as you held your nose tightly, not wanting to feel whatever horrible taste could be found in that dark pit of goo. 

It burned the moment it hit the delicate taste buds on your tongue, your voice muffled as the fluid descended down your throat, your larynx bobbing up and down with each gulp. Despite covering your nose you could taste the pungent sweetness, it tasted like pure acid. Not that you knew what that tasted like but what you assumed it would. 

You coughed, accidentally spilling some of the goo on the floor, dribbling out of your mouth. The heavy rain pitter-pattered against the metal roof above your head, your eyelids threatening to shut. The cup fell out of your hand as you slammed your forehead against the payphone, not hard enough to bleed but hard enough to bruise. Your jawbone hurt from how much you’d been crying, eyes puffy as the salty tears mixed with the rain droplets on your face.

“i-i’m sorry mom, i’m so fucking sorry.”

You rolled your forehead left to right against the rusty material of the payphone, your soaked hair covering your empty eyes. Your knees bent under you causing you to fall on your butt with your knees clinking against each other, the sticky contents on the floor sticking to the soft fabric of your pants. 

“I’M SO SORRY!”

You never thought a scream this loud could protrude its way out of your throat, the vibrations bouncing off the glass that to your surprise didn’t break. Everything started to become shades darker, almost as if a black and white filter settled over your vision. 

No, this is how you’re gonna die.

Alone.

In the rain. 

“Hyung, what are you gonna do with her?”

Muffled club music struck your ear along with a high pitched ringing, your eyelids felt as heavy as they’d been in the phonebooth. With your head pounding you slowly open your eyes, first not seeing anything but darkness before eight unknown men form a circle around you, hovering above you. 

You shoot up from your lying position, fear overtaking your body. Where were you but more importantly why the fuck were you alone in a dark room with 8 young men? Not thinking straight, you decided to scream once again, thinking they would back off and let you be.

“Get away from me!!”

The males covered their ears, groaning in pain and a blonde boy throwing himself on the floor, rolling around. 

“HEY!! HEY! WE’RE NOT GONNA HURT YOU!”

A strong voice overpowered yours, every word almost sounding like a grunt. You around, seeing that you were sitting on a soft leather couch before looking up at the male that was standing right infront of you. He was muscular, his biceps sitting snugly in the tight black t-shirt that covered him, a grey apron tied around his waist and his dark hair shielding his intense gaze and furrowed eyebrows. He had a jaw so sharp you could cut silence with it but silence was the last thing this room had. The boys were shouting at each other, trying to hush the others while screaming themselves. 

“SHUT UP!!”

The room got quiet as the muscular guy roared, the seven other individuals coming to a halt. You looked at them all with a puzzled expression, all of them handsome, a fact you couldn’t deny. 

“Where the fuck am I, who are you guys and p-please don’t kill me”

Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence as your eyes twinkled, tears teasing the corners of your eyes, fingers shaking in fear. The male closest to you sat down, the weight of the couch shifting. He rubbed his hand together before he started speaking in a calmer voice.

“I’m Changbin, bartender of the Lost Souls nightclub. That’s Chan, security guard.”

With his chin, he pointed at a guy in ripped black jeans with a white t-shirt, a sweatband across his forehead, pushing his slightly curly hair back. He didn’t look like a security guard, the only thing that might have pointed to that was the walkie-talkie hanging from his belt. You nodded before Changbin continued.

“And those are some friends, frequent visitors if you will.”

A light haired boy with shiny rhinestones under his eyes stepped forward after he’d been hugging the tallest guy in the room the entire time. 

“u-uhm, the name’s Felix! This is Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung and Minho, and yeah those two, Chan and Changbin.”

He pointed at each guy respectively and the room filled with small “hi’s” and smiles. They didn’t look threatening, all of them being very timid and looking down at the ground. Your gaze diverted back to Changbin that was staring at you the entire time.

“Can somebody tell me where I am?”

Changbin cleared his throat, stomping his boot a couple of times. 

“This is gonna sound,,, interesting but you have to believe me-”

You interrupted the muscular boy, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, noticing that it had dried. 

“Why should I believe you? We’ve just met?”

Changbin sighed. 

“Just,,, hear me out”. You nodded before he continued.

“You answered a phone call right?”

Nodding once again your gaze drifted towards the other boys that were looking at Changbin with googly eyes.

“Well,,, this place only appears to those who are,,, struggling with themselves. Obviously you don’t have to tell us why you’re here but,,, this is a place to let go. The only rule here is no fighting”

“Or dancing on the tables” the tall blonde boy added with a snark causing a squirrel-like boy to giggle, playfully hitting the blonde before looking at Chan who glared back at him, the boy being flustered and turning serious again. Jisung, his name was. 

“W-what did that phonebooth do,,, does everyone go through that?” you asked with a curious tone.

“Usually it’s a pleasant experience going in that phonebooth, the sun shining and people hanging around that alleyway before taking the phonecall and drinking the elixir,,, there must have been a glitch in the system.”

He sounded unsure, scratching the back of his head as he looked at all of the boys. 

“System? What system? I’m dreaming, right?” you said in panic, wanting to get out of this oddly suffocating room. 

“W-we are real and you’re not dreaming,,, it’s just that, we can’t meet in real life you know? This is a place to,,, let oneself go and I know it’s scary since you only get here randomly, it must have been hard passing out like that,,”

A boy with fluffy light brown hair and a pretty eye smile said, Seungmin! You remembered his name because you thought it fitted him, sounding both soft and sharp at the same time. 

“y-yeah,,, it was scary b-but thank you for caring about me” you said with a half smile

“oh! and also, we treated all your wounds, luckily you were passed out so you couldn’t feel the pain but let me tell you,,, it looked awful, I don’t understand how you did that Chan” Jisung remarked with wide eyes, looking at you concerned before turning to Chan.

“Did what?” you inquired to which Jisung responded.

“Removing the pebbles in your wounds, h-how did you even get those in there?” he asked to which you tried to remember, seeing hazed memories of you crawling on the asphalt in the storming rain.

“I was crawling towards the phone booth'' you said quietly as the boys gazed at you with concern. The atmosphere got dusked and in an attempt to lift the mood you cleared your throat, lightly running your hands over the bandaids that were plastered on your scraped knees, wincing from the contact. 

Changbin made eye contact with Chan, jerking his head towards the door to signal for him and the other boys to leave the room. Chan nodded and patted Jeongin on the shoulder, trying to scoot all the boys out of the room like a shepherd leading a bunch of silent sheep.

“Let’s have some fun! Drinks on me boys~” Chan exclaimed to get the boys off their worried thoughts about you, the curly haired male closed the door quietly and both you and Changbin stayed silent until the footsteps were faint on the other side of the black wooden door. 

“Is this better?” Changbin said with a slight smile at the end. “They can be quite the bunch sometimes, either they’re very much off the deep end or they’re just a rowdy mess” he laughs, looking out in the distance before he looks at you with your knees under your chin, holding your legs close to your body.

“So,,, we’re all here for similar reasons?” you mumbled, holding your gaze stable on his dark eyes.

“yeah,,, pretty much. We’ve all dealt with something mentally draining and of course you don’t have to tell but I just want you to know that nothing will hurt you here.” Changbin replied. 

“I do want to tell,,, but it’s just that I don’t want to be alone about it. I’ve never been around people that have shared the same experiences.”

Changbin slid closer to you on the couch, putting one leg over the other. 

“It’s like that for,,, almost every single individual in the club, we all want to tell our stories and this is the place to do it. No one is gonna judge you for it. I remember thinking that when I first got here, ‘everyone is gonna judge me for not drinking’.”

Changbin’s last sentence caught your attention.

“but aren’t you the bartender? shouldn’t you know all the,,, liquors and such?”

Changbin sighed and you regretted you sentence, thinking that maybe you asked a too personal question. 

“I do know them but not in the way one should.” 

Something clicked in your head when the boy uttered those words. You nodded silently, letting your gaze fall to your wounded knees as your shaky voice spoke;

“So do I” 

Changbin’s gaze was fixated on the floor as he shared what was on his mind. 

“But no one judged me,,, eh,,, I never asked for your name!” the boy said to which you giggled, reassuring Changbin that you were in a stable state.

“It’s y/n, nice to meet you!” you said, stretching your hand forward to shake his. Changbin smiled towards your gesture.

“pretty name, angel” he said, shaking your hand and noticing how small it was in his grasp, the cold metal of his rings contrasting to your now warm hands. He didn’t let go immediately, instead holding your hand and feeling it’s warm temperature, running his thumb across your knuckles softly. You snarked at his comment.

“angel? didn’t know we had established pet names for each other in barely 10 minutes of meeting.” 

“and I didn’t know angels landed in this place” he said back. “i’ve had to deal with 7 annoying boys that never listen to me,,, well, 8 but one of them,,, disappeared.”

You nodded, not wanting to overstep any boundaries by asking about that 8th guy incase it was an emotional topic. 

“how is it? working with alcohol despite having quite a rocky relationship to it?”

The buff boy hummed, drumming his fingers on the seat next to him. 

“It’s better than one might think. I get to be around it without engaging in the activity myself, simply serving clients and the boys  already know it, we look out for each other. Like a family you know!” Changbin said with a happy tone, not wanting the conversation to get you in a bad mood after all you’ve been through that night.

“family,,, could use one of those” you joked and Changbin actually laughed which you’ve never felt with anyone before, the only response you usually got was your therapist writing down your self deprecating jokes with their orange lead pencil.

“you’re always welcome to us” he said, letting go of your hand that now felt empty. You felt safe. There was no way of describing it but you felt this caring aura around this man, drawing you closer to him. 

“how long does this last? i’m guessing you go back to ‘the real world’ again at some point” you spoke, making quotation marks with your hands.

“it depends, it’s different every time but you will pass out just like you did when you got here but you won’t go back to the phone booth, you’ll wake up where you were last in real life. Time goes on in the real world but here,,, clocks don’t really work. We’ve tried bringing clocks or phones with us but the digits don’t change.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. This had to be a dream. 

“w-whats with the gold on the phone? Does money exist in this,,, universe?” you asked with confusion to which Changbin shook his head.

“no, drinks are free and so are the phone calls, i have no idea why the phone booth says that or why Chan said that drinks are on him, he must have been stressed trying to get the boys out of here” Changbin said to which you giggled.

“i-is there any time where you never return?” you asked, earning a bittersweet smile from the male.

“yeah,,, if those issues you have get resolved but,, that rarely happens. Destructive behaviours feed of each other. Get rid of one and it gets replaced with another.”

You recognised that. It was always something, you could never live in peace without feeling the need to self sabotage. 

“Poor innie knows that too well” he added with an acerbic tone. 

“innie?” you tilted your head in question, gazing around the dark room that was rather empty, only a couple of dark colored shelves on the wall and the couch you were sitting on along with the ceiling lamp that was stingy with it’s light.

“Jeongin, the youngest among us. Poor boy has been through it all, if it’s not drugs it’s self harm and Minho is a real dick sometimes, bringing pocket knives in “defense”. He’s delusional, thinking everyone is out to get him and Jeongin knows this. We’ve found our precious little boy in the bathroom too many times, holding those stupid knifes Minho keeps having on him and crying till his cheeks puff up.”

You took a mental note to keep your distance from Minho, feeling bad for Changbin that had to be amidst this mess while dealing with his own emotions. You could relate, being the emotional pillar between your parents that hated each other to the brink of physical violence. There’s always someone that has to suffer because of other people's problems. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Changbin.” you managed to stutter out, not knowing what else to add to the conversation.

“Ah,,, don’t be, y/n! Just take good care of yourself, that’s what matters the most to me” Changbin said. You smiled, moving closer and hovered your hand above his shoulder.

“Can I?” you asked quietly to which Changbin nodded and moments later felt your warm hand patting his back. He felt listened to. Understood. And even though he was yet to tell you his entire life story he knew that you were different from the others. You actually cared about him. 

The room started spinning again and you clutched onto Changbin’s black t-shirt, trying to stabilize yourself. Those rainbow colored speckles you had seen earlier appeared again, vision blurring right in front of your eyes. 

“y/n? how are you?” Changbin’s voice was worried but he knew what was happening. 

“it’s spinning again, I t-think I’m gonna pass,,, out” you muttered, 

“It’s alright y/n, I’m here yeah?” His rough voice distinguished itself from his comforting words as you held onto the dark haired boy, a faint smell of tobacco interlacing with the air you breathed in through your nose. Your two arms were now wrapped around the male with your face against his broad shoulder, eyes shutting as tightly as they could, face contorting into fear until everything disappeared. The vague beats of the music. The pain that ached from your knees. The feeling of finally finding home in someone's arms. 

Everything turned into nothing in Changbin’s embrace. You were slowly turning into his everything because he had nothing in his life. 

And then you woke up. 

You gasped for air as you woke up in panic, hunching over on the floor in a coughing fit, clawing at your neck for oxygen. Panting on the floor you put your forehead against the wooden laminated floorboards, your frizzy hair blocking out the little light that was in the apartment and being hit with the malodorous smell of distilled alcohol. 

What was that?

You were convinced that it was some kind of wicked dream. An escape from reality even. But as Changbin said, you did wake up in the exact same place and position you passed out in. A long breath seized through your lungs as you shifted in your position on the floor. 

“Son of a bitch!” 

Tears prickled the corners of your eyes as the hard floor hit your wounded knees. You quickly sat down on your butt, lifting your knees up to your chin and only then did your heart drop.

It wasn’t a dream. Your eyes lingered on the bandaids that were placed with the utmost care across your both knees, a stain of dark brown blood seeping through the sticky elastic material and dried blood staining your knees in a haphazard attempt of somebody trying to wipe it off without hurting you. You managed to grab the edge of the sofa, levering yourself up with, testing out the strength left in your wobbly legs. Your phone lit up, sitting on the place you’re usually curled up in. Throwing yourself on the soft piece of furniture you observed the phone screen, lost eyes wandering mindlessly over the brightly lit display. 

What you noticed wasn’t the worried text from your mother.

It was the fact that the digits hadn’t changed from when you passed out. 

Your head snapped towards the tv screen and the phone fell from your hand when you stared at the screen, breath trembling.

The same documentary. The same colibri. 

This couldn’t be. Surely you hadn’t just stopped time,,, right? This was not something Changbin warned you about. How long until you meet Changbin again? An hour,,, or ever? 

There was nothing else you could do besides wait. Wait until the next time you pass out. And what better way to make time pass but to be confronted by your mother? You pulled up the text on your phone and read it hastily before scoffing.

[Are you eating well? Please call if you see this]

Since when did she care about you? You knew that she did care. Somewhere deep inside her motherly heart she did care but the way she displayed that so-called ‘affection’ didn’t make it obvious. You tried to justify every word, believing all the lies she fed you. You tried so hard to believe that you were healthy, that your mental health wasn’t deteriorating before the eyes of your very own mother that was refusing to see the truth. That her child was indeed in pain. You couldn’t blame her, it was her way of dealing with the issue but it didn’t make it easier for you. Your thumbs hovered above the keyboard, you couldn't think of anything better to write and quickly typed it down before you hit send.

[yes, i’m busy]

Busy contemplating your existence. Your father wasn’t exactly any better. Throwing out each one of your family members until there was only him left. He had no trouble filling that emptiness, simply creating a new family and forgetting you as if you were a chapter of the book called ‘previous life’. You didn’t mind, not after everything he did to you and your mother. There was no need for a person like that in your life but unfortunately it influenced you more than you thought, always seeking validation in either work or relationships because how could you validate yourself after your self esteem had been crushed by this tyrant?

You threw your phone on the table, a clink noise being heard as it hit a bottle, knocking it over but not breaking it. Your parental issues or mental health was for once not the biggest concern in your life, now instead wanting to search for the answers that could explain the nightclub. How did it exist? What caused it to exist and who was behind it? You needed to get back there somehow. 

The tv had turned off by itself, you found yourself waking up on the couch, using a pillow as a blanket, hugging the warm material closer to your body as you whined. With confused and lost eyes you scanned the room for a clock, hitting the table a couple of times and finally getting your hands on your phone, bringing it closer to your eyes. 

[3:02 am] the digits lit up. You rubbed your tired eyes with your left hand, throwing the pillow on the floor and using the phone display as a torch in the pitch dark room. There was no point in falling asleep again, you had already slept so many hours, sleeping anymore would only make you drowsy the entire next day. You yawned as you staggered towards the bathroom, flicking the lightswitch on the wall and squinting fiercely as you were blinded by the harsh bathroom ceiling light. You put the phone down and quickly caught your reflection in the mirror before you sat down on the toilet to pee, folding a couple of sheets toilet paper in your hand. You yawned again as you flushed, going to wash your hands but once again being amused by your reflection.

That’s not me. 

It’s the person I’ve become but never wanted to be. 

Your dark circles almost reached your cheekbones, the wounds on your knees still stinging even after hours of peaceful slumber. You poked your tongue out to which the reflection did the same, staring back at you with frizzy hair and puffy eyes from tears. You couldn’t trust it. Mirrors lie you thought and so does every single reflective surface in the entire world. You would never know what you truly looked like and that ignited panic in you, feeling your breath rapidly increasing as you held onto the white cold edge of the bathroom sink. 

This happened. Too often. It was the feeling of not knowing yourself or your surroundings. Like you had just appeared in this world, scared and alone. To not know who you are and having to live with yourself til the day you die frightened you. But you didn’t know if death was any better. Sure, the thought was comforting but being buried under layers of soil, having flowers and insects living their best life above you as you simply rotted away wasn’t the solution to all your worries although a moment of eternal peace did sound tempting. 

You felt a lump in your throat, trying to cough as if it was some sort of anxiety flem when in reality it was your brain setting up imaginary barricades. Your hair draped in front of your face and with furious eyes you peeked up, seeing your almost demon-like expression and smiling psychotically. 

I hate you. 

I fucking hate you, y/n l/n.

Your smile was wiped off the moment the room started spinning. Your reflection becomes diffuse in the mirror as if it wasn’t enough not recognising it. A loud gulp made its way down your esophagus as you continued staring at yourself in disgust. You blinked slowly, every time you closed your eyes you saw those rainbow colored specks all around, almost as if they were distracting you from what was happening, like a kaleidoscope for a child. You felt as if the ground started shaking, an earthquake in your personal world that was separated from the real one. Maybe you were going back to the nightclub, to Changbin’s reassuring arms or maybe you we’re really going crazy this time. The specks got bigger, turning into elaborate patterns in neon colors that clouded your vision. You kept eye contact with your reflection for what seemed like forever, despising the person that was staring back, your gaze broken as your eyes rolled back in your skull, your eyes white as if you’d been hexed before you collapsed on the frigid bathroom floor. 

“y/n? y/n, wake up!” 

The sun dazed your eyes as you woke up on the slightly toasty concrete. Changbin tilted his head as a cigarette was hanging out the corner of his mouth, bright sunlight behind him. He had on a jean jacket with patches from several underground punk and rock bands, his neck was embellished with multiple silver chains and his hair was slicked back, glistening in the heat. He knocked the wind out of you even more, as if passing out in the bathroom wasn’t enough torture. 

“oh y/n! you’re awake!” 

Chan says, coming closer to you, this time he’s wearing a tanktop that showed off his flawless abs, your mouth watering at the sight. You only then remembered that you looked like a mess, still in your pyjamas that consisted of an old sports event t-shirt and small basketball shorts. 

“a-am i in the club again?” you say, rubbing your eyes with both hands before feeling your head pounding a bit, sitting up slowly and feeling the harsh ground beneath you. 

“no! you’re at the phone booth, everyone is here now oh and, this is usual how it’s supposed to look.”

After your vision stops blurring you look around, seeing the same alleyway and the same crimson phone booth but being hit with a completely different atmosphere. People were standing in all types of fancy clothes, trendy bright colors, exaggerated makeup and 7 inch platforms. The sun was beaming, it felt like a hot summer day with friends, just like the old days back when you had friends. 

“why does y/n always wear pyjamas? don’t you have any cool clothes?” Hyunjin snarks, pushing his blonde hair behind his ears, displaying his dangly silver and black earrings. 

“knock it off asshat, the poor girl is probably scared off her mind” Seungmin sneaks up behind the blonde, punching him lightly in the stomach before he smiles sweetly at you. Duality was this man's second name. 

“t-thank you seungmin” you said, giving a smile back but being met with a surprised facial expression.

“you remembered my name!” he said, giggling adorably. You gave a small nod before you looked back at Changbin that was drawing a breath from the cigarette, puffing out a white cloud close to your face before waving it away. You noticed how tired Changbin looked, his cheekbones sunken in and his complexion bleak. He stretched out his hand to help you up which you grabbed, the insides between his pointer and ring finger being slightly stained orange from tobacco. You wobbled up on your feet, knees slightly unstable but feeling better from sitting down a while. 

“are you alright y/n? i could open that resting room if you want” he said before inhaling smoke once again, spreading in his mouth and intoxicating him. You shook your head.

“i want to see the club, why not while we’re there you know?” you said, smiling brightly and making his heart jump. Changbin hid the grin he so desperately wanted to display by dropping the cigarette bud on the concrete, stepping on it with his heavy boots that had chain details attached. 

“alright, whatever you want angel” Changbin sneered which caught the attention of the 7 other boys, all staring at the jean-jacketed boy. 

“angel? seems like someone has a crush” Hyunjin remarked making Jisung burst out in laughter. 

“says master heartbreaker” Chan said under his breath making Hyunjin furrow his eyebrows, diverting his gaze from Changbin to Chan instead. 

“come on you guys! can we not go to the club already?” Felix said, him also wearing a crop top along with a leather chest harness that accentuated his figure. Jisung nodded and made his way towards the phone booth that had droplets of steam on the inside, Felix and Hyunjin following shortly after the squirrel-like boy. You observed the alleyway. People leaning against the grey wall where the phone booth was, either smoking or chatting. Some were standing, others sitting down directly on the concrete, feeling the same heat you felt as you woke up. 

With unstable steps you walked towards the phone booth behind all the boys, Changbin staying by your side and waving his hands towards the 7 boys that had somehow crammed into the humid and stuffy metal building, Chan closing the glassdoor as a couple of the boys giggled. You and Changbin stood on the other side of the door, seeing how Chan grabbed the black phone you had once held with cold dirty hands and Seungmin giggling as he took a sip out of the contents in the paper cup, passing it around to the others that did the same.

They disappeared right in front of you. Your mouth stood agape. They didn’t pass out, they just disappeared into thin air, leaving the airless crimson structure empty yet again. 

“w-wait, why didn’t they pass out?” you asked, turning to Changbin as you ran a hand through your hair.

“it happens when you’re new. the body isn’t used to the entire,,, universe switch so you will probably pass out this time also but don’t worry, i’ll catch you” 

Changbin grinned, opening the door and being hit by the lack of oxygen. He held the door open for you to which you smiled, stepping inside and seeing that the paper cup had been refilled automatically. The door closed behind Changbin, you standing in close proximity to the boy as you lifted the phone slowly, still feeling the warmth from Chan’s hand. The dark haired boy grabbed the brown paper cup, not even looking at the goopy substance before drinking it, seeing his adam's apple bob up and down. You put the phone towards your ear, wondering why you didn’t hear the female automated voice.

“it doesn’t work?” you said with confusion to which Changbin smiled, pressing in the infamous number on the rusty keypad.

[1800-xxx]

“yeah, it doesn’t if you don’t type in the number” he chuckled, holding the paper cup in both hands and leaning against the humid glass.

Suddenly you hear the voice you were dreading the hear.

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

It reminded you of that night. That dark rainy evening. The voice started to lag, just like it did last time. You hung up and turned around whereupon you saw Changbin handing you the paper cup. You gulped and put your lips on the edge of the cup, looking at him with unease but feeling comfortable with his presence. You tilted the cup, feeling the sweetness trickle down your throat, almost stinging your insides. Changbin smiled, he looked like the typical bad boy from every cliché teen movie but it made your heart flutter, slightly embarrassed at the state of yourself. He pushed away from the glass wall and swiped his thumb across the corner of your mouth, wiping off the sweet liquid and licking it off the tip of his thumb. You stood there, frozen at the sudden action, gazing softly at him. 

“you had something there” he chuckled as you started to feel lightheaded again, your eyelids getting heavy. 

“thanks” you said shortly, your gaze drifting down on the dirty floor beneath your feet, drifting in and out of consciousness. 

Changbin didn’t say anything, catching you mere seconds after you collapsed on the grimy surface. Admiring your heavy eyes and puffy cheeks for a second before he himself disappeared into the abyss. 

“One Moscow mule, please!” 

An unfamiliar voice shouted through the blasting club music accompanied by what sounded like the shaking off a cocktail shaker. You groaned, your eyes fluttering open and being hit by the beams of a thousand light machines in all sorts of colors.

“Oh y/n!!” Jisung shouted on the other side of the bar, you found yourself sitting on a chair in the corner of the bar, on the same side as Changbin that was working diligently, mixing some concoction into a metal shaker. You rubbed your eyes, yawning and wondering how you could sleep sitting up. You heard Changbin set the metal cup down, telling something to the woman beside him, must be his co-worker you thought. He kneeled down next to the chair you were sitting on, looking up at you with curious eyes. 

“how are you feeling?” he asked loudly, trying to overvoice the music.

“im good” you answered back just as loud, the two of you locking eyes. Changbin smiled at you with his tired face, glancing over the glasses that were located beneath the bar. 

“you want something to drink?” Changbin said to which you nodded. 

“give me anything” you said, messing with your hair and sighing. You felt tired, an urge to sleep despite the loud blaring music. Maybe it was more of an emotional fatigue. A lack of feeling. And that’s usually when you turn to the bottles. Changbin nodded, standing up and returning to his co-worker, starting to grab all kinds of pretty coloured alcohol. 

“ay! y/n! come join us!” you heard Felix say, him standing with a glass in his hand, the other boys scattered around the club along with the other troubled individuals. You smiled widely, looking around and noticing the small exit gate connected to the bar. You patted Changbin on the back, him turning around with a grin before you exited through the gate, closing it after you and pushed through the crowd of people, making your way over to the boys. 

“y/n, welcome to where you will feel alive” Jisung yelled, spreading his arms and nearly knocking someone in the hand.

It was truly living you thought. Every single way to escape reality was located here whether it would be alcohol, drugs or sex. People dancing and jumping, grinding and rubbing up against each other. In multiple booths there were people making out, touching in unknown places. Many looked outright high, moving as if their body was possessed by some dance god, not knowing how to control their limbs. You could have sworn you saw Seungmin putting a yellow pill in his mouth, smiling mischievously at someone you didn’t know. 

So this was letting go. 

“y/n! here!” you heard Changbin’s voice call behind you, turning around and seeing him putting a glass of clear liquid onto the stained wooden bar with coasters scattered all around, a couple lime wedges floating around with the ice in the glass.

“vodka tonic, giving you the strong ones” he said, grinning, to which you smiled back, understanding the hint to his personal life through his eyes. The glass was cold against your warm hand since you were in this stuffy environment filled with countless people and without any windows, only a ventilation system that led to nothing. You put the edge of the glass against your lips, taking a sip and swallowing harshly, feeling bitterness that tasted sweet because that’s what alcohol does when it’s consumed on a particularly bitter day. Or life. 

The other boys were dancing, Chan mostly hanging around the edges of the nightclub and observing the nightlife. You made your way over to him, taking another sip in order to gain the courage to strike up a conversation. 

“Sup? you feeling any better?” he asked before you had the chance to even open your mouth. 

“better. why aren’t you enjoying yourself like the others?” 

“i mean,,, i’m technically doing my job even though i’m not getting paid for it. i just like to be in charge i guess,,,” he said, getting more and more silent as he spoke. You nodded.

“i do work with stuff in real life as well” he added, to which you raised your eyebrows.

“what do you work with,,, if you don’t mind me asking!” you said, taking another sip of what tasted like Lucifer’s saliva. 

“music producer! it’s tiresome but,,, i don’t really need sleep,,, or more like i can’t sleep. lucky there’s energy drinks and naps” he said with a giggle, his dimples displaying as he chuckled, leaning against the black walls of the nightclub. 

“must be tough,,, but wait,,, i’ve never heard your music,,, and also shouldn’t you be the DJ then?” you said confused, swirling the liquid in your hand. 

“but that’s the thing y/n, all these people, every single person you see in this room lives in another universe”

You gazed at him, Chan looking straight ahead towards the crowd.

“what do you mean by different universes?” you asked to which curly haired boy cocked his eyebrow.

“we will never coexist y/n, when i tell you that we’ve tried to bring our friendships to the real world i really mean it. we will never exist in your life outside of this hub and,,, it sucks.” Chan took a pause before speaking, pondering on what to say next.

“-thats what happened with a friend we had. i’m saying had because we don’t know where they are or what adventures await them. They just,,, disappeared” Chan said mellowly, you humming in response as you took a final sip of the devil’s juice, already feeling your face heating up.

“h-how does one get out of this place,,, forever i mean” you asked, leaning back against the same wall as Chan and looking right ahead as the song changed to a slower, almost psychedelic beat. 

“when said person gets help,,, or starts to feel better or when you hit the casket, three options basically” he says with an acerbic smile. “what? Do you like Changbin?” Chan says teasingly. “you’ve been catching glances at him this entire conversation.”

He was right, you had been glancing over at Changbin occasionally, you couldn’t help it. Was it an excuse for you to look at his cute face from a distance or because you cared about him? You laughed it off but Chan turned serious.

“you know that’s it’s not possible.” he says quietly.

“what? what is not possible?”

“a relationship”

You choked on your own saliva, being blinded by the annoyingly bright strobe lights.

“a relat- ya! do you really think I have time for any of that? besides,,, i’m not really interested in Changbin.”

“who said only you should be interested?” 

Your eyes widened when Chan said that. No way could Changbin have these weird feelings to you, the feeling shouldn’t be mutual. 

“h-has Changbin said something about you?” you asked timidly, gazing over at Changbin that temporarily made eye contact across the club.

“why don’t you ask him yourself? but i’m telling you y/n,, don't get attached, you will get hurt,,, j-just like i did once” 

Sure, you understood what Chan meant. Everyone was here for the time being. One day he could disappear if he decided that the life he was living now either isn’t worth it or he takes control and makes something out of it. There comes a time where you are too tired of living the way you do and so you do something about it, no matter if it’s good or bad. 

Changbin waved his hand at you, wanting you to join him behind the bar where now Felix was standing and annoying Changbin by tickling him or whispering in his ear as he moved his body with much fluidity. You smiled, waving towards Chan shortly before you once again made your way through the crowd, feeling lightheaded but in a positive way, as if you really were forgetting reality for a moment. 

“y/n!! come!!” Changbin yelled, bouncing slightly to the typical house beat that was now playing, barely holding the bottle of gin since Felix was pestering him playfully. Changbin’s co-worker opened the wooden gate for you, smiling sweetly at you and you doing the same back, your gaze drifting down until you notice the red marks around her throat. You were often scared by people. Not by their actions but by their way to cover them up and of course, you were guilty of this too. Looking at these people you would never guess the pain that was going on inside, the surface level happiness really is surface level. You could smile genuinely towards her, you didn’t have to understand everything she was going through but you knew how it was, smiling when bridges are burning in your mind. 

Sometimes pretending hurts more. 

“Changbin!” you squealed after you had passed by his co-worker, holding the empty glass that was now nothing more but half melted ice cubes and three wedges of bright green lime. Without thinking you put the glass down on his working station and pull him into a tight hug, squeezing your body against his and feeling the warmth radiate off of him. He froze awkwardly in your arms before loosening up, wrapping his arms around you and ultimately taking in your scent that was now mostly pungent with liquor and sleep, a soft scent that Changbin couldn’t get enough off. You felt safe which was rare in a nightclub especially knowing that most people were either high or carrying weapons. But there was something about him that made you feel like home. It felt familiar, like you’d visited his soul. As if the two of you were sharing the same empty house in your heart despite you never letting anyone in, too scared to be hurt again. Maybe you could let Changbin in, maybe he was different. 

The hug lasted longer then you thought, his eyes darting all over the stuffy room before he slowly let go, taking a long inhale of the almost addictive smell. The two of you locked eyes, a shy red tinged his cheeks that was only visible due to there being a spotlight just above him. 

“can i talk to you for a second?” you asked, rather boldy which was odd. He nodded and grabbed your wrist only to pull you in behind the same black door where you once ended up in, confused and dazed. He let go of you and closed the door behind him, you standing in the middle of the room that now had tiny light standing on the floor, nothing more new then the same old shelfs and black leather couch. 

“what did you wanna talk about?,,, figured you maybe wanted to tell me somewhere more quiet”

‘Quiet’ was an overstatement, the music was making the walls shake and even though it was muffled the jumping of hundreds of people could still be heard in the small dark room where you were alone, with him. 

“ehm,,, i don’t know really,,,” you stammered, not knowing what else to say.

“is something wrong y/n? Do you need to be alone for a while? i can le-”

“no, thank you,,, i just wanna be with you.” You interrupted him, his eyebrows furrowing when you uttered the last sentence. He stepped closer to you, the soles of his shoes making a pleasant sound against the floor. You lifted your gaze at him, Changbin standing right in front of you. Beauty that could make you drool. His hair was slightly messy, temples sweaty as he had worked and fetched all kinds of bottles for hours, the grey apron marking his title in the nightclub.

“but i’m here with you! Are you playing some sort of prank on me? did chan set this up?” he chuckled with a smirk, throwing a gaze at the door before diverting it back to your glossy eyes.

“n-no,,, Changbin, I want you”

His mind went blank and so did yours.

You don’t know why you said that but it was too late. The cat was out of the bag. It was too late.

“y/n? are you drunk?” he asked, looking at you seriously and putting the back of his hand against your forehead, suspecting you might be getting sick. You shook your head in response.

“no, it was only one drink, you know? i just,,, kinda,, want you”

You grabbed his hand that was still lingering on your forehead and drew it closer to your heart, holding firmly by his wrist. The clothed valleys of your breasts made contact with the rough palm of his hand, Changbin’s eyes still glued to yours. He scoffed loudly.

“and here i was,,, thinking it was some sort of unrequited love”

It felt like his hand turned into thorns, stinging your heart. So he wanted you too. 

Changbin’s hand that rested on your boob snaked upwards, grabbing your jaw as he smiled at you briefly, tilting his head and slowly closing his eyes, attaching his rough lips on yours. Your eyes widened before they closed slowly, eyelashes fluttering in a flirty haze. This was how it felt to kiss someone you loved. It was as if a thousand fireworks ignited inside your beating heart, flying and exploding in an array of colors. A pure lightshow. 

Your hands made their way to Changbin’s angular face, cupping his cheeks and feeling his sharp cheekbones against the palms of your hands. Your noses accidentally bumped into each other as your heads tilted from left to right, a sensual pace to the kiss to which the dark haired boy chuckled, adding some laughter to the otherwise grave situation that contained the sounds of two lips smooching each other. The music was only adding to the ambiance, Changbin’s hands wandering and exploring territory on your body that was foreign to him but very well-known to you. Your wet tongues danced around to a serenade, his kiss was strong, sure to leave an unforgettable impression on you. You would want him from now on and forever. 

You moaned into the kiss as his hands rested on your ass, groping the flesh that was covered by your pyjamas-shorts. This made Changbin cock his eyebrow, pieces of his slicked back hair falling into his face as making him look like a charming 80′s prince. His fingers danced around the elastic band of your pants, fingers hooking and playfully tugging on the string, a silent plea for you to take them off. You smiled against his lips, saliva exchanging in a heavy and steamy kiss, your cheeks growing warmer by the second. 

The two figures melted into one as Changbin pulled you closer to his body, feeling his cock poke through the coarse material of his jeans against your lower abdomen. Good to know that he was enjoying this as much as you were. Your hands descended downwards, traveling along his black tight t-shirt, the jean jacket from earlier being god knows where. The contour of his abs made you smirk, you knew what he was hiding beneath these clothes that you ravenously wanted to tear up. You palmed him through his pants, earning a hiss from the male that panted heavily into the kiss. 

You broke the kiss, taking a moment to breathe as your lips were separated by a lonely string of saliva. You grabbed Changbin’s wrist, pushing him down on the leather couch as you straddled his lap, feeling his hard-on against your aching wet cunt. You wanted him so bad and here he was, in front of you for only you to devour. Changbin grabbed onto your hips, pinning them down against his cock and leaning forward to reattach his lips on yours, teeth  accidentally clicking against each other moments before your sloppy hot tongues met, feeling his tongue against the soft surface of yours. The sound of lips meeting ringed through your ears, your hips grinding against Changbin’s crotch in a steady pace, feeling your neediness grow. Your hands ran along his abdomen, sneaking them up inside his shirt and tugging on the black material of his t-shirt, pulling it above his head. What was hiding underneath his clothes was more than a pleasant surprise. Your lips moved swiftly against his jawline, peppering kisses on his delicate neck as your hands teased the supple skin of his abdomen, feeling the outline of his muscles against your touch. 

Changbin placed his hands near your stomach, pulling your oversized sleeping shirt over your head in the same fashion you did moments earlier. You gasped as the fabric danced over your now hardened nipples, freeing your tits. Of course you didn’t wear a bra when you were in the comfort of your own home but you didn’t think anyone would actually undress you, especially not Changbin. He hummed at the sight, cupping your tits in his hands that were covered in metal rings, feeling the coldness against your heated skin. You shuddered, the sensation shooting down to your dripping core. He kneaded them in his hands as you rubbed against his cock, his boner having a visible outline through his pants, you couldn’t help but to fiddle with his belt buckle, undoing it and hearing the clicking sound of the buckle hitting itself. Changbin pulled away from your swollen lips, tapping you on the thigh to step off in order for him to pull his pants down. You moved to the seat next to him on the couch, the leather sticking back as you laid down, lifting your hips up to remove your pyjama pants along with your panties that quickly hid underneath the fussy pants due to it’s rather interesting print, small teddy bears printed on the fabric. You kicked off your shoes, more like slippers that you wore indoors. 

Changbin swiftly pulled down his jeans and black boxers in one motion, throwing them close to your pile of clothes at the base of the couch. Your eyes widened, mouth watering at the pure sight of his cock, a pretty bead of precum decorating his slit, contrasting with the crimson shiny tip. A big gulp descended down your esophagus, heat tinging your cheeks. He chuckled from seeing you stare at his member with shiny doe eyes that reflected in the small lamp on the floor.

“You seem,,, intrigued” he chuckled to which you giggled, not believing that you were really in this small room together with him. 

“Y-yeah,,, maybe I am” you snarked, moving your gaze to his eyes and smiling. Only on your way upwards his well-sculpted body did you see the boy holding a small blue plastic item. You furrowed your eyebrows when Changbin opened the packet, retrieving a slightly slippery condom from inside. 

“Do we even need that?” you laughed before continuing. “I mean if nothing gets transferred to the real world neither should pregnancies or STD’s” 

Changbin tsked, rolling the condom onto his veiny cock, turning slightly away from you to avoid your intense eyes. 

“Ask Chan, he would know” Changbin said, turning back to you and making his way over to the couch.

“N-no,,, no way.” You shook your head, your mouth agape as your eyes still danced over Changbin’s buff thighs. 

“Yup, knocked up a girl” he said, suppressing a laugh. “And that’s why y/n, you never think with your dick”.

“Being completely honest,,, I expected more from Chan, he seems really,,, responsible” you remarked, Changbin hovering over you and placing a soft kiss on your lips, his hands on either side of your figure.

“He is but I think love is his weak spot or more like,,, lack of love. He often confuses love with either sex, money or fame,,, might I even say drugs.” 

You simply nodded not knowing what more to add to the conversation, Changbin’s fingers tracing small circles around your nipples, sneaking them down between your legs where your cunt was aching after him. Anything, as long as it was him. His middle- and ring finger dipped into your heat, feeling the wetness between your folds causing you to hold on to Changbin’s sturdy shoulder. Without warning his fingers entered your dripping hole, fingers curling upwards and grazing your g-spot. You flinched, feeling his cold metal rings against your clit. The dark haired boy shushed, reassuring you that you were in safe hands and that he would make you feel good. Nothing else mattered besides you. 

His fingers grazed your velvety walls, thrusting up into your cunt with just enough vigor to make you clutch to his bicep, the firm muscles making you swoon. You whined, spreading your legs even wider, your left leg hanging over the leather couch, sticking to your thigh as your body was heating up from arousal. The wet sounds of Changbin’s fingers playing with your cunt along with your soft whimpers were louder than the music outside, you pressing your head back onto the couch, rubbing your hair on the material. Changbin licked his plump lips upon seeing your face contorting into all kinds of lewd facial expressions, his cock needing to feel your warmth wrapped around it. The pad of his thumb played with your clit, laying it flat against the nub and teasing it in small circles causing tears to prickle in the corners of your shut eyes. 

“a-are you alright y/n?” he whispered softly in your ear, kissing the shell of your ear. You nodded, your hands cupping your tits, pinching your hardened nipples, adding pleasure and heat to the burning in your core. Changbin pulled out his fingers, putting the slick covered digits in his mouth and watching you with hawk eyes as he lapped up your juices, humming in delight. 

“fuck you taste so good angel” he stated, making you blush, covering your face with your hands. Changbin chuckled, tapping the tip of his dick against your swollen clit and aligning himself with your entrance. You moaned from the sensations, wrapping your legs around him to pull him in, you growing impatient the more he teased. 

“p-please fuck me Changbin” you said uttered in a faint voice, barely audible due to the music. It was as if his eyes tinged with a dark color, full of lust. His eyes were hooded, looking down at you with half closed lids, sighing loudly with sexual frustration. He wanted to destroy you, make you his but he had to hold onto his composure. Holding you firmly by your hips he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside you, grunting at the warmness that comforted him. You hissed, biting the inside of your cheek, your nose scrunching up at the feeling of being stretched out by his girthy length. 

“can I go all the way? does it feel alright?” he asked. You answered with a small “yes”, more worried about the door being unlocked, anyone could burst through the door in seconds only to witness Changbin fucking you on the couch. That thought was quickly wiped from your mind as his cock stuffed into your cunt, your eyes rolling back into your skull as he slowly thrusts into you, using the hands on your hips as a way to guide him, nailing your cervix with each movement. The tips of his ears turned red, the silver chain around his neck reflecting on the dim light in the room as it rocked back and forward above you. You placed your hands around his wrists, looking boldly into his eyes with, a feeling brewing inside you that was hard to describe. It was titillation mixed with yearning. You knew you got him here. He was safe in your arms. You wanted to save him from everything bad in this world but how is that possible when you can’t even save yourself?

“c-changbin” you said in broken syllables, his thrusts only quickening. “changbin!” you repeated, shutting your eyes tightly, curling your toes in pleasure as a string of pretty moans melodically fell from your mouth along with his name. You couldn’t take it, his cock ramming into you in a both mindful and eager manner causing you to claw at his forearms, nails digging into the soft skin. Your tongues were once again caught in a kiss, the taste of your tongue being irresistible to the boy but not sure if it was your love that was drawing him in or the subtle taste of liquor from earlier. His lips felt parched against your, his tongue gliding on your bottom lip before kissing it, his saliva feeling hot in your mouth. The boy above you pulled away for a moment.

“you’re so pretty like this y/n,, fuck, i think i love you”

You gulped but your silence was soon cut off from Changbin slamming his hips against yours, his cock hitting your that specific spot that made you go crazy, the familiar feeling of your orgasm penting up inside you. You moaned with desperation, the lewd sounds bouncing off the dark colored walls. This was music for Changbin’s ears. His grunts accompanied by your whimpers and the squelching sound of your walls engulfing his dick so tightly, the sounds alone was heaven for him. With every move against your body you felt the well-acquainted smell of cigarettes that you could almost feel in your lungs, an addictive scent. 

“i love you too, Changbin” you mumbled, slurring on your words from nervousness, feeling shy even though you were naked in front of him. He smiled, peering down at you as his hair fell from it’s perfect gelled state. You smiled softly at him, his cheeks slowly turning a red that matched his lips. Your moans turned to borderline screams, his cock twitching inside of you as he slowly got closer to his sweet release. Clenching around him, Changbin grabbed bent your legs towards you, gently rolling his head backwards as the pace got quicker. 

“i’m g-gonna cum! don’t stop!” you yelped, your heart thumping at the speed of light, tiny sweat droplets forming on your forehead. Changbin reached so deep inside of you causing you to thrash around, fiercely trying to grip to the edges of the couch. The burning in your core got intense, it felt as if a thousand stars were falling at the same time, bursting with amativeness. The sudden feeling of warmth took over your body, a pleasant tingle surging. A breathy moan leaving you stunned, grabbing onto Changbin’s hands that were pushing your knees towards you. Just as your orgasm washed over you like a ton of bricks falling to the ground, your body jolted with the last couple of powerful thrusts, a loud gasp slipping from his lips. His girthy cock released it’s seed into the condom, his hot breath lingering near you. 

He let go of your quivering legs, them flopping down on either side of him. Your chest heaved up and down as you breathed through your parted lips. Changbin pulled off, carefully removing the condom and discarding it somewhere on the floor. He snuggled close to you on the narrow couch, pressing his sweaty body against yours, taking a moment to catch his breath before speaking.

“So you love me too?” he chuckled. You turned to face him, looking deep into his dark brown eyes that looked pitch black in the dim light. After a loud exhale you answered him.

“No, I think I can’t live without you” you whispered, rubbing the tip of your nose against his. His stable breath tickled against your chin, your eyes slowly closing as Changbin was observing your features that he found insanely attractive. And it was even more attractive that you were his. But this couldn’t last.

“You know this is not possible y/n” he said with sadness in his voice as he gulped, his adams apple protruding. You knew it, the thing you dreamt of wasn’t possible since the two of you didn’t exist in each other's worlds. 

“I feel fucking stupid” you said with closed eyes, sighing after your words. Changbin shook his head. 

“Don’t give up that easily y/n, we can try”. He was right but what relationship was only visible in the darkness of a nightclub? Only a promiscuous one. Yet, you didn’t want to give up. Not matter what kind of relationship it was you wanted to be with him. 

“So,,, what does that mean? That we are-”

“Dating, I guess” he added shortly, the corner of his lips lifting upwards. It sounded weird in your ears. Dating someone you had only met a couple of times but it felt right. This was where you belonged. In his arms, away from all your demons. He truly cared for you, not like the others. He was unlike those in your life that said that they cared but never wanted to know more than the surface level of your character. He wanted to know everything about you. Your hurt, your sorrows, your pain but also your happiness, your joy and your solace. He wanted to know you. 

Your hands trailed up and down his upper arms, his skin feeling soft against your touch. The two of you cuddled like this for a while, Changbin running his hands along your hair, its smell reminding him of a green meadow of millions of flowers in all shapes, colors and sizes. He didn’t want to leave but if he wasn’t back in the bar the boys would start looking for him and the last thing he wanted was 7 boys teasing him for getting it on. You were more than a hookup. More than just a fling. 

Changbin stood up, squinting his eyes in order to look for his clothes and finding them scattered all over the room. He pulled his underwear and jeans over his lower body before pulling his shirt over his top half, the black t-shirt sitting snugly around his muscles. He ran a hand through his dark hair, shaking his head before smirking at you. Such a tease. 

“Do you have to leave?” you asked with a whiny voice, your arms felt empty once again. He nodded.

“i’m afraid so, don’t want them thinking I've been transported back without them knowing, they get worried but that’s only natural I guess.” 

You nodded back, putting your cheek against the leather on the seat, your arm hanging straight down, the back of your hand limp against the floor. 

“Get dressed if you want to have some more fun or you can chill here for a moment but I have to warn you, that door doesn’t have a lock” Changbin said, pointing at the only door in the room. 

“i’ve already noticed that” you remarked, grabbing your panties and only after you’ve pulled them halfway up your thigh did you see Changbin smirking at you.

“You’re cuter than I thought” he said, pointing at your teddy bear panties with his chin, stepping closer to you. You looked away, biting your lip in embarrassment as you felt his hand on your hair, ruffling it sloppily. 

“You’re making fun of me!” you said back with a pout, pulling your pyjama pants over your bottom. 

“yeah, because you’re adorable” he said, placing a peck on your lips. You wanted more of him. He was simply addictive. 

But not even this universe wanted to see you two together.

Your eyelids got heavier, your eyebrows furrowing at the familiar yet distant feeling. It felt unknown until you saw the small specks clouding up your vision once again. 

“y/n? y/n, how are you?” Changbin said with worry, grabbing you by your shoulders and looking at your apathetic gaze. “N-no, y/n, don’t leave now”

You didn’t want to but you didn’t decide when you left. 

You harshly held Changbin in your arms, putting your forehead against his shoulder, rubbing against it. Changbin slowly put his hands around you, patting your back as salty tears rolled down your warm cheek, putting wet stains on his shirt. 

“shh,,, it’s ok y/n, are you feeling dizzy?” he asked carefully to which you nodded mellowly, your bottom lip quivering as the multicolored boxes of light flashed before your eyes. The room felt unstable, like your legs wouldn’t hold you much longer and they didn’t when you collapsed into Changbin’s arms, him holding you tightly to his chest as your knees buckled. Your voice was unstable, a silent cry pleading to be heard.

“I love you” you whispered in a frail voice. The ear-deafening music from outside was tuning out from your hearing, your words slurring at the end as you repeated yourself for the last time. 

“I love y-you”

Changbin was left hugging air, his arms empty as he opened his sparkling eyes. He was close to tears because he was left there. Without you. 

“HEY! WHERE IS- oh” 

Jisung burst through the black door, the six other boys standing close behind him as they looked around the room, eventually catching eye contact with Changbin.

“She went home” Changbin said softly, letting his arms fall to the sides. Jisung inched closer to him, patting him on the shoulder where your tears were still left as a souvenir of your love. 

“She’ll come back, don’t worry about it” Jisung said with a reassuring smile, leading Changbin to the door, out of the room that smelled like sex and tenderness.

“Euw,, what is this doing here? Does nobody know how to clean up?” Felix said pointing at the used condom on the floor. Changbin’s face went cold, stopping dead in his tracks. 

“is it yours or something Changbin?” Hyunjin laughed, pushing the youngest, Jeongin, in a fit of laughter. 

The room went quiet after Hyunjin’s cold laughter. It was pretty obvious.

“YOU FUCKED HER?” Jisung screamed in Changbin’s ear, making him flinch away and holding his ear in pain. The room filled with all sorts of teasing sounds, everything from “ooh~" to “AYE” in obnoxious voices. 

“Luckily he used a condom!” Minho snarled, glancing over at Chan that was ready to beat Minho into pulp. Chan sighed, regretting that he didn’t shove the condom in Minho’s smirky face. 

“No but seriously you guys, y/n is more than you think. It’s not just another person I fucked, she actually means something to me.” 

Just when Changbin thought he had something special some of the boys started laughing even harder, ruffling his hair and poking his cheeks.

“yeah right,,, what? are you guys dating or something?” Seungmin asked, rolling his eyes.

“yes, i’m serious you guys! I love her,,,” he said with a frown, already missing your touch.

“What idiot gets into a relationship 3 months before they have to go to rehab?” Minho says, retrieving a cigarette from the red packaging in the pocket of his leather jacket. 

Oh fuck. 

Rehab.

When someone recovers from their pain is when you disappear from the club. You are no longer a lost soul. You are no longer lost within yourself. And that’s when you return to the real world, your real world. 

Keeping secrets in a relationship was deceitful in Changbin’s eyes. If you belong to someone you should be as transparent as the liquor he poured into his ice cold glass every evening. He felt guilty. You poured your heart out for him, telling him everything that had hurt for so many years and here he was, pretending. He did that a lot, mainly because he was taught to be a reliable man. It wasn’t manly to feel. 

Which is why he left his home at a young age. He didn’t care if he worked a minimum wage job and lived in a destitute area, he was content as long as he didn’t live with his parents. But when you live alone it’s not rare that isolation creeps up on you and strokes your cheek with a feather light touch, inviting you over to a dance with the demons that would soon cloud up your mind. Alcohol was Changbin’s comfort. It was the only one that didn’t fail to reassure him. It was as if the bottles spoke to him, promising him that a life intoxicated was better than the life he was currently living. 

And he fell for it.

Every time.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted to live a life that is actually worth living. Change comes from within but he needed help and he had only recently realized that he had a problem, that these toxic liquids were what’s keeping him from chasing the dream life. He didn’t dream of much, just the average life would be more than enough, with someone he loved. 

But what was he supposed to do?

Take the step to recover or continue his addiction for the sake of being with you?

The demons whispered softly in his ears.

Life or Love?

Taglist ; @minholuvs @liz820​ @skztrashbag @lix-freckle3​ 

[writteninkat]

Forever and Always | Bakugou x Reader

summary: "And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called. And then I feel so low I can't feel nothing at all. And I flashback to when he said forever and always."

w/c: 2.1k

warnings: angst

a/n: i cried while writing this.

navigation

Eijirou's body is amazing; scultped abs, hard chest, chiseled arms and such broad shoulders. You watched as he did pull ups in front of you, with his back facing towards you. He lets go of the bars, turning around, smiling as he extends his hand. "Babe, can you pass me my towel please?"

"Babe, can you pass me my towel please?" Katsuki asks, sweat dripping down the side of his head, trailing down his neck, collar and chest before getting absorbed in his black tank top.

You throw him his towel, standing up from the bench. You lean forward, standing on your tippy toes to press your lips against his. The blond chuckles breathily, pouting a little, pressing his lips against yours.

Butterflies swarmed your tummy and you feel your heart skip a beat. This always happened whenever you kissed Katsuki. No matter how many times you've kissed him and no matter how long the both of you had been dating, he never failed to give you butterflies.

You feel someone step in front of you, snapping you out of your daze. You blink, looking up at the red head who's now taking his towel on his own.

"Ah, sorry babe. What were you saying?" You ask to which Eijirou shakes his head at. "It's okay, I got it." He wipes the sweat off his face, smiling brightly at you.

"Anyway, do you wanna go to that old ice cream parlor beside here? They don't have new flavors since like five years ago but I thought you might like a cone."

"I wanna go to that ice cream place beside the here." You pout, disregarding just how sweaty your boyfriend was as you wrap your arms around his waist, pulling him closer. "That's a bad habit, idiot. Stop pigging out right after hitting the gym." He laughs, flicking your forehead to which you knit your eyebrows at.

"Oh come on! They have a new flavor called 'blueberry cheesecake'! We should totally try it!" You whine, watching as your boyfriend packs his things in his gym bag. "You've eaten a blueberry cheesecake before, haven't you? Just imagine that but colder."

Despite what he said, he opens the door to the ice cream parlor for you. Sweat gone, the both of you had showered and changed your clothes before entering the cozy ice cream parlor.

The both of you sit by the window, looking out and enjoying the beautiful scenery of the mountains right behind the store.

You look back at your boyfriend who's sitting right in front of you, supposedly to tell him about the pretty bird you just saw, but stop once you saw how pretty he looked when he wasn't frowning or yelling.

Calm, softly smiling Katsuki Bakugou looking out and appreciating the beauty of nature. Your heart throbbed at the thought of how lucky you are to have him. Despite his harsh and loud nature towards others, he always gave off a different vibe when it came to you. He was much gentler, more careful with his choice of words and his actions.

His eyes flick towards you and he raises a brow. "Take a picture, it will last longer."

You smile, opening up your gallery to show off the many, many pictures you have of him stored in a secret album. You smile cheekily at him, "Already have a ton, thank you very much."

Katsuki smiles, chuckling as he shakes his head. "Idiot."

"Babe? You okay? You've been out of it since I asked you to hand me my towel, did I say something wrong?" You snap out of your daze once again, cursing at yourself. You look up at your boyfriend, smiling as you shake your head.

"I'm sorry, I think I need to head home and sleep. You have a meeting an hour from now, right? You should go." You press a kiss against Eijirou's cheek, smiling at him. "I'll wait for you at home."

You walk out of the gym, bag on your shoulder as you take a deep breath of fresh air in. You look up at the sky, frowning to see them all gray and cloudy. You begin walking down the road, looking around you.

The stores from before hadn't change at all. Especially-

"Ah! If it isn't my dear Y/n! Will you buy your usual caramel ice cream today too?" The old lady who runs the ice cream shop chirps at you, hands shaking as she grabs onto her cane to prevent herself from falling over.

"Granny! You know you can't be walking around, the doc said so!" Her granddaughter's voice is filled with concern as she places a hand below granny's elbow and on her back. She looks up at you, smiling apologetically.

"Sorry, I guess Alzheimer's also makes her forget she can't walk properly now?" She jokes, chuckling awkwardly. You smile, bowing your head.

You walk right past the ice cream parlor, oblivious to granny's pout to your declination of her invite. You stuff your hands in your pocket, looking up at the sky as you sigh. Before you know it, your gaze falls upon the top of your apartment building.

"I'm home! And guess what I got you!" You chirp, entering your apartment as you hold the white plastic bag full of food in your hand. The sound of quick padded footsteps make you giggle as you set the bag oncthe counter.

Katsuki appears right in front the kitchen, excited eyes and a wide grin across his face making you laugh. He quickly rummages through the contents of the bag, yelling in excitement as he pulls out a red ramen cup.

"Hell yeah, extra spicy!" He cheers, running over to you to pull you into a tight hug. "Thanks babe!" He presses multiple kisses on the top of your head before pulling away to start boiling his water.

"Hey! It's not even dinner time yet!" You jokingly frown, crossing your arms in front of your chest. You loved Seeing Katsuki like this; all bubbly and cheery and excited. Such a sweet and bright soul, you come to a conclusion that yes, you are definitely going to love this boy forever.

You walk right past the kitchen, body feeling heavy as you make your way inside your shared bedroom. You drop your bag onto the carpeted floors and find your legs leading you towards your walk-in closet.

You bend down, pulling out a locked box from underneath your hung clothes. You sit on the floor, pressing on the code to unlcok the box before pulling the lif open.

The contents inside caused your heart to clench.

Butterfly pins.

"Idiot, what are you doing?" Katsuki frowns, tilting his head up to look at you. Your brows knit together as you push his head back, forcing him to face front. "I'm making your hair pretty!" You huff, clipping on the butterfly pins onto his hair.

"My hair's already damn pretty even without the stupid hairpins!" He argues.

"Then I'm making it prettier so sit still!"

"Tsk," Katsuki rolls his eyes, "Then you better do an amazing job. Don't mess up, idiot."

"That'll be pretty hard to accomplish if you keep moving your darn head like that!"

"Hah?! What did you just say to me?!"

Sumigadawa Fireworks Festival Polaroid

"Quit tugging, idiot!" Katsuki yells but remains ignored as you push through the crowd. The fireworks display was going to start soon but you wanted to enjoy a Taiyaki as you watched the display.

You jump excitedly in place, still tugging at your boyfriend's sleeve as you pointed as the sweet snack. Katsuki sighs, pulling out his wallet. The both of you end up buying two pieces, one for each of you.

As you move to start going back to where the field was, Katsuki pulls you back. You lift a brow at him and he begin pulling you to the opposite direction, now it was him dragging you.

"Suki, where are we going? The fireworks display will start soon!" You yell through the loud crowd of people. "Tsk. I know, idiot. Just trust me!" He yells, as he continues pulling you towards a place with a bunch of trees. The two of you walk up a hil for quite some time and as you reached the top, you're panting and you can feel your back dampening at the sudden work out.

"What the heck are we-" The sound of fireworks cut you off. You immediately turn to your right, following the direction of the sound. Your eyes widen as a clear view of the fireworks explode in front of you.

As you stare up at the brightly colored night sky in awe, Katsuki smiles at your dumb face. The colors of the fireworks lit your face ever so beautifully. How did he get so lucky to have you?

Your hand grabs onto his arm as your other one points up at the sky, "Look! Look! That one's pretty!" You point at a pink one slowly disappearing into the night sky.

"Hah! Bet I can create better ones." Katsuki shows off.

"Oh really? Prove it."

And just like that, he opens his palm in front of you a small explosions are created, just like the fireworks. You smile, watching it was similar to watch a snow globe after shaking it.

As your eyes continue to watch Katsuki's mini fireworks, he oulls you out of your daze by cupping your cheek. You look up at him, raising your brows before smiling, leaning in.

His lips are soft, sweet and warm. You never want to part from them.

A Promise Ring.

/"Why won't you fucking listen to me?!" You yell from the top of your lungs, feeling them burn as your tears scortched your cheeks.

"There are already enough heroes out there! You don't need to go-"

"I need to, Y/n! God fucking dammit I need to! Because I'm a hero! Because it's my job, it's my duty to keep people safe. To risk my life keeping you all safe!" Katsuki yells back, slamming his suit case close as you stand there in front of him, weak and helpless.

"Izuku said your chances of surviving the war would be-"

"Baby, baby, look at me." Katsuki shushes, cupping your cheeks. He wipes your tears away as he looks into your eyes, red orbs looking back at you. Soft, gentle and hurt red orbs look back at you. "I'll be fine." He whispers.

You place your hands on top of his, closing your eyes as you let your tears fall, your lower lip shaking as you let out an unever breath. Katsuki presses his lips on your forehead, wrapping his arms around you.

"Take off your ring." He says, pulling away from the hug. You do as told, face still flushed as you haven't finished crying yet. With shaky hands, you take off your ring.

"Look inside it." Katsuki mutters.

You do as told, feeling your heart clench in your chest.

"What does it say?" He asks.

"Forever and always."

You sob on the floor, bringing your legs up to your chest as you recall the feeling of your world crushing the second you heard the news from Izuku.

Your body grew heavy as you fell to your knees, your tears streaming down your chest at his pained expression. He crouches down, placing a hand on your shoulder. You sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed, so loud your throat hurt.

Katsuki was your world. He meant everything to you. Now that he was gone, what do you have left to lose?

"He promised me!" You yell from the top of your lungs, "He promised to call me as soon as he was done! Why didn't he call?! Why hasn't he called yet?!" Your head throbbed as Izuku's geip on your shoulder tightened.

It wasn't just you who had lost a loved one, him and all your other friends, too. You banged your fist against your chest as you sobbed heavily, finding it difficult to breath, to take in the information that Katsuki was gone.

"I told him! I told him not to go!" You yelled right at Izuku, holding onto his shoulders. "Katsuki! My Katsuki! He's gone!" The pain you felt is unbearable, it's something you can't understand, it's something you never want to experience again.

"You promised me, forever and always!" You yell from the top of your lungs. "Where are you now? Why aren't you beside me? Where's my forever with you?" You sobbed, your tears streaming down your cheeks uncontrollably.

As you cry out your frustrations and anguish in one room, Eijirou sits in another room, face wet with his tears as he blubbered in the memory of his best friend.

It's times like these that you agree to David Jones; life went on, but it was never the same again.

[junova]

↬ 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐭 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

abstract: the one where steve finds your love letters.

pairing: au!steve x fem!reader

word count: 3K+

warnings: cussing, fluff, angst, crying, slight self-deprecation.

[author’s note]: hey guys! i’m really new to the writing scene so kind words are appreciated! srsly just testing my writing style out and wanted to just post something to motivate me to keep writing. hope u like it. <3

also thank u ari for the inspo and that bomb ass album that saved twenty-twenty. now we just need biden to get elected.

ps. don’t forget to vote! <3

Stevie,

First and foremost, I want you to know how proud of you I am. You have become the man you’ve said you become, the one I always knew you would. You have finally seen what the rest of us see.

A good man.

The soul you carry within you shines brighter than I’ve ever seen. Just for that only, I’m thankful for the time we’ve spent together. Maybe one day, I’ll be brave enough to tell you this without hiding behind the comfort of this notebook. She won’t spill my secrets, fortunate for me.

Some days you have no idea how badly I want to tell you. I think it’s on the days I discover a new fleck of green in your eyes or maybe when you show up to class with a cup of coffee for me without request.

More. More. More.

More. More. More.

It’s selfish of me, that much I know. More days than not, I would say you give too much of yourself away. Always wanting to appease everyone, you, Steven Rogers, the bridge to making the people around you happier than they walked in. Even when Bucky drags you into his nonsense bullshit, you say yes without hesitation.

I’ve got not a a clue on how you continue on, how you still remain you when you tend to spread yourself so thin. Who watches out for you? Who cares for you? Who loves the almighty, selfless Rogers?

For me, it’s much easier to pretend you carry too much on your plate than to deal with the rejection I would receive from you. You’re just too good, more than I deserve. More than I would be willing to take. I know I couldn’t possibly give you what you deserve but, I hope that one day you might see me differently. You would see me more than the light I’ve painted myself in.

Even though the shade is lovely, I want to be deeper. Deeper into you on a level which only seems unattainable at this point.

A forever friend. To be in your life, just as a friend, is an reward in itself.

But someday I hope you would love me in the same way I do. It’s all a love struck girl could do. Hope for the best, bet be prepared for the downfall.

With much love, your forever friend.

Tearing the page away from the binding of the overfilled notebook, dispensing it in the first empty drawer you could find, you abandoned the feelings as soon as the pen’s ink bleed out dry.

“You know it would just be easier to tell him how you feel.” You peaked up at the sound of her voice, before realizing she was looming over you, watching your write the letter.

Your supposed, secret letter.

“Nat, please. No.” Opening the drawer, she grabbed the letter but was surprised with just how many she found.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’ve written about him multiple times?” You sank in the soft, plush material of your seat hoping that just maybe it would begin to swallow you whole. Hopefully, fast enough were you wouldn’t have to endure the rest of the conversation. One you had been trying to avoid, for the past three years.

“It’s nothing Nat, just forget it.” Just like a Romanov, she couldn’t leave it alone. Even if she tried it was laced in her blood to see any little thing through.

“You really shouldn’t wait so long. A window might close for you, much sooner than you think.” With a curious eyebrow lifted, you felt your breath leave you.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Steve certainly deserved the best and you knew it was only time for him to figure out you would never be enough for him.

“Peggy Carter.” Peggy.

The one girl of a sea of many who had been enamored by Steve. He never really seemed to spend anytime with the women who vied for his attention, but Peggy was surely different than the rest.

Even if Steve was oblivious when it came to the advances everyone would make on him, he saw Peggy. Considering she was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, she intimidated you. God, did she ever.

On numerous occasions she and Steve had gone out, and even though he assured you they were just friends you were starting to believe he was only trying to protect your feelings. As a friend.

He had never cancelled on you once for her and he would tell you if he had started to date someone, just like he had before.

Even though the entire three years you’d known him he only had one serious girlfriend and after eight months, the pair broke up and even now he still didn’t budge on why they broke up.

“Steve can do whatever he wants with her. He’s a single man. He’s gone out with her before and he’ll probably go with her again.” Then Sam was the next to speak up, dismissing the total bullshit spouting from your mouth.

“Can’t you see he doesn’t want to? The damn man follows you around like a goddamn puppy.” Okay, when did he even come in here?

“God, fuck, no he doesn’t. He would have said something by now, he’s had three years and it’s been nothing but radio silence.” With an all knowing smirk, Sam proposed a new concept into question.

“It has been three years. So, have you ever said anything to him?”

Shit. Fuck you, Wilson.

“W-Well, not exactly.” Sam didn’t have to say anything in response. You knew he was right and you hated it.

Your unwillingness still stood for you, there was just no way he actually would reciprocate your feelings.

“Listen, I think it would be really good for the both of you to air everything out. Peggy is sinking her claws in him and it isn’t too long before they get stuck. Just talk to him.” You nodded silently, but you weren’t sure if you’d ever have the courage to.

—

Emptiness.

It’s all you seemed to feel today. Following you around was a dark cloud, looming over you. Wishing you could be anywhere but your own body. Nothing in particular happened to make you deserve the feeling you were granted with. It just so happened to be one of those days.

From the moment you got out of bed — or rather stayed in bed until four in the afternoon, you felt like anything you would have done just didn’t feel enough. The feeling was fleeting, never staying for more than a day or so, but it made the day drag on. Never ending.

Your muscles sore, body aching from the lack of activity your presumed. Or maybe you had built it in your head too.

Thankfully for you, Nat was busy helping Bucky move into his new place the entire day. She asked if you wanted to help, but mentally you didn’t feel you would be useful for anyone. Simply, telling her you would hang back, claiming you had another an essay to write.

Which you did, you weren’t completely lying, but there was more than your sour mood to blame for your dismissal of social interaction.

You hated to be that girl, the one who needed the presence of men. Specifically, the company of one very beautiful, blue eyed one.

His absence in your life the past few weeks felt heavier on you than you thought it would. You knew from Sam’s intel he had been hanging out with Peggy more and more. He said the two of them were getting close, mercifully sparing you the details.

You hated it’s you’d become. A girl so damn struck over a boy who was giving his attention elsewhere. Upset you were though. Before even if he was busy between classes and his internship at the gallery, he would still text to check up on you.

Now, it was nothing but radio silence letting you draw conclusions on your own. Very, very dangerous territory for you to travel to.

Steve and you are just friends. Get. Over. It.

You thought you’d be alone the rest of the Saturday, especially since it was nearly midnight. Figuring Nat was staying over at Bucky’s and Wanda leaving earlier in early hours of the morning to see her boyfriend for the entire weekend.

Then, an incredibly drunk Steve stumbled into your quaint apartment, the thoughtfully sweetness in him blubbering out with the alcohol flooding through his system. It was like he was on overdrive. More than ready to crash at any given moment.

You had enough when Steve started shamelessly raiding your kitchen, but you remained on the couch attempting to maintain some distance between the two of you. He had a history of being incredibly handsy whenever he had bit too much to drink.

Stumbling his way over to you, almost tripping on the rug, until he was basically cuddling up to your side. His arms latched tightly around you, pulling you into him. Not spared a choice, not that you’d want one.

The security of being wrapped up to him wasn’t something you ever grew tired of. You don’t think there would ever be a time you would ever be capable of turning him away.

“I’ve missed you. It’s been too long.” His soft tone, penetrating the tiny resistance you held towards him. “Me too. I was starting to think you disappeared on me, bubba.”

“Never.” His iron grip holding so tight like he was afraid you’d slip right through.

“Is everything alright?” Trying to pull from him, but Steve seemed unable to let you go. You whispered in his ear, caressing his back.

“I think so.”

“Here, let me grab you cup of joe and some water. Okay? I’ll be right back.” Leaving him a kiss on the cheek, before heading him into the kitchen.

If you had been around him recently, perhaps you would be more in tune with how he was feeling. Then the guilt sept in.

“Sweetheart, do you know where the phone charger is? It’s not by the recliner.” You heard him shout, trying to stop your heart from hammering into your stomach.

Just make him some coffee, sober him up, until he crashes.

Steve always seemed to be a lightweight and somehow whenever he did decide to drink he always found himself routing his way into your home. You thought it was simply for accident alone. The bar he frequented at was only a few block from you.

The past few times he would just stumble into your bedroom, immediately passing out in your soft, silky sheet. Now, he seemed to have more pressing matters at hand.

“Check the drawers, Stevie. I think there’s one you left around here somewhere.” You grabbed the filters and the grounds out, brewing the coffee. Soon, with a black cup of coffee and a water bottle in hand you took note of just how quite he was being.

He was never this silent and it was freaking you out.

“Are you sure you’re o-”

Just like that.

Fuck.

Hunched over, practically on his knees, he read over the endless letters you wrote about him. Confessions never meant to be seen by him. You lost track of how many you had written over the past few years once realized how irrevocably in love with him you are.

He didn’t realize you had found him and you were suddenly paralyzed. Unaware of your presence he continued to read through them and his expression was unrecognizable. One you’d never seen from him before, and you didn’t quite know how to react.

No. He wasn’t grimacing nor did he seem to be elated either. He just stood there just like you, afraid what would happen next.

What did this mean for the two of you? Your entire relationship was purely riding on whatever happened next.

Softly, with a gentle hand, he sifted through them all like he was looking for something specifically. Steve let them fall to the hardwood floors as your shaking hands could no longer support the weight of the dainty coffee cup he had actually sculpted himself.

The glass shattering everywhere, several pieces making their way towards him, thankfully not fiercely enough to penetrate his skin.

Truly, you had never been more sorry than when he looked up at you with tears in his eyes. Threatening to spill over. Because of you.

You didn’t have to be told, you already knew.

Carefully, Steve stood up making his way over to you around the shattered mug. Still you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Simply just watching him until he was right in front of you — more silent than you’d ever seen him before.

“Those were about me. Weren’t they?” You nodded having no reason to lie other than to protect yourself from a rejection you been hoping to spare yourself from.

“I didn’t want you to find out like this. Or at all really.” Your resolve dropping instantly when Steve took a step further gripping by your hips, pulling you closer.

“Why not?” He questioned you, again. Almost like he needed a verbal affirmation of every secret he had just read.

Unintentionally, stealing your soul served for him on a silver platter.

“I know how you’d feel about me, Steve. It’s not how I want it to be and it’s okay.” You remove yourself from him, traveling to the other side of the living room. Suddenly, the apartment seemed suffocating with him in it. “I’m fine, Steve.”

Hearing him sigh in frustration only furthered your immense feeling of being a burden to him.

You’re just one more obstacle he has to deal with.

“One of them dated back for over two years ago. Two fucking years.” His harsh tone, piercing through you like a knife.

“I know. I should have told you.” You whispered, wishing you could disappear into any abyss that would take you. Deeply wishing you just didn’t have to endure for the rest of this conversation. Wishing you could have stopped him from opening that stupid drawer. “I tell you everything, but I just couldn’t bring myself to speak about this. Look at how you’re reacting? How could you blame me when every fear I have about this is justified?”

You really should have kept those elsewhere, not your open, public living room.

“Because it’s us. I’m always here for you.” He was still crying through broken words and you didn’t know why. Almost like you had shattered his resolve and his control leaving with it.

“Not lately. You’ve been otherwise occupied.” Suddenly find the plant in the corner of the room. It certainly weren’t trying to distract yourself from the insatiable cerulean eyes.

The breathtaking british woman wasn’t even here and as soon as she was brought up — there was a wall. Seperating, you from whatever was between the two of you.

“This isn’t my fault. You never said anything. How was I supposed to know you feel that way about me?” He tried to make his way towards you but you just stalked off in the other direction. Circling around the living room like a coward.

“It didn’t matter though, did it? You found someone perfect for you regardless of how you feel.” God, you wish he would just leave so you could let the dam break.

“No. You don’t get to do that. Since the moment I met you I only had eyes for you, but you never seemed like you were interested. So, I dropped it. Okay? You never left me a crumb to think you would ever want to be more than just friends.”

“You were my best friend. You still are. No matter how I felt, it could never outweigh the need I have for you to be in my life.” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Trying to figure out what was next for the both of you. Steve always had to initiate and this time was no different.

“Peggy told me tonight she wants to be exclusive.” His confession washing over you like a ton of bricks. Crushing you.

You really couldn’t have any ill feeling towards her, she was just doing what you lacked the courage and the tenacity to do.

“But I didn’t really know what to do.” He took quiet steps towards you, not wanting to spook you. He voice not no longer held the a warmth of teddy bear, but a man on a mission rather took over.

Steve kept quiet until he had you backed up into a corner, no escape route in vision for you.

“’Cause there’s this other beautiful woman, absolutely breathtaking — and I just I really needed to know how she felt. If I had known before,  I never would have gone anywhere else.” His hand caressing your soft, plump lips. Pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb, sending you into a frenzy.

“Then, I just wanted to forget about everything until Sam called me. Three beers deep, when he told me of a drawer filled with letters I should take a look at.” You could feel his breath on you, temple pressed against yours.

“I just need to hear you say it. Just once.” Taking it a step forward, intertwining your finger with his own.

“I love you.” It was all he needed as he sealed his own affirmation with a sweet kiss, inking your lips with all of his love.