#and they go to extreme lengths where you also can get triggered by whatever nasty thing they decide to say

[capsiclesteebrogers]

i am posting this here because i really do not want rabid team bl*ck stand in my quotes on twitter. but it baffles me the way team green fans always have somebody from team bl*ck in their quotes even when the post/tweet doesn't say anything bad about the characters they like. sometimes it's just an opinion or short analysis that actually makes sense and can start an interesting conversation and doesn't "attack" any character and here they come ready to post their dumb takes and make sure the user doesn't forget that team green is absolutely evil and if you dare like any of them you are a garbage human being and don't deserve to have opinions. oh and alicent is to blame for everything, she is awful and deserves everything that happened to her (just in case they haven't said it today). and it's incredibly shitty. let people discuss and enjoy characters in peace. make your own posts and stop being absolute losers.

[catchmewiddershins]

Haikyuu Hugs pt 2:

AOBA JOHSAI:

Oikawa Tooru: 

Really affectionate and clingy, will beg you for hugs with NO. SHAME.

He’s definitely a running fingers through hair and burying his face in your clothes, hair, back, shoulders etc kind of guy

So many little kisses!

He’s the sort of hugger who picks you up; he either lifts you so that you can wrap your legs around his waist or he’ll place you on a table or countertop, especially if you’re a lot shorter than him, just so you can be at equal level

Also likes to rest his chin on top of your head and hug you from behind while you’re working or doing something else (washing up, cooking, etc)

Might grab your butt if he’s feeling particularly teasing, but definitely won’t if the hug is just so you can hold each other

Likes to do fairy kisses (idk what they’re called, this is just what my family calls them) when he flutters his eyelashes against your cheek, it makes you both giggle

Will fall asleep while laying across your stomach

Likes to hug you when wearing an enormous fluffy dressing gown, he’ll wrap you in it and snuggle

Has leapt into your arms at some point for a hug... you dropped him. He’s not going to stop trying though!

Lightheartedness aside, he knows to come to you for cuddles or hugs when he’s feeling down, you’ve often had hug sessions when he feels inadequate as a setter, or if he’s feeling insecure

Pouts when he wants hugs

Iwaizumi Hajime:

Wraps you in his big, muscley arms (the dream of many of us, I’m sure)

This man is SUCH a secure hugger, it’s amazing, he just folds you into his embrace and you never want to let go

Warm hugs and tight hugs, like a comfy straight jacket

He always knows when you want to let go... it is rare that you want to

The kind of hug that’s like instant stress relief, side effects include:

Falling asleep

Dozing

Relaxing all of the muscles you didn’t know were tensed

Bursting into tears because you’re actually really stressed or worried and the hug was just the trigger for you to let it all out

He likes to give you massages, all you have to do is curl up on the sofa with him to watch television or read or anything and he’ll lean against the side, place you in front on him, all stretched out across the length of the cushions, and just massage your back, neck and shoulders (you don’t know what you’d do without him)

His hugs are so warm that you just hug him as a replacement for a jumper or hot water bottle... sometimes you just don’t turn the heating on. Really. His skin is a radiator!

Unconscious squeezes

Squeezes in general, he’ll squeeze your waist or shoulder walking past, pull you to his side and give you a squeeze, sit with you and just give you a quick squeeze, it’s adorable

You know he wants a hug because he gets slightly clingy but won’t admit it to your face

Sometimes huffs playfully or teases you when hugging you, you know he loves you though

(Seriously though this boy’s muscles are perfect huggers)

Matsukawa Issei:

Tall boy hugs (I mean, depending on what you think is tall - he’s 6′2″ that is enormous to me)

This guy actually really likes jokes so you bet he’ll hug you and then absolutely WREAK the atmosphere by whispering the cheesiest jokes into your ears

You: Yay warm hug time! ~ Mattsun: what does a cheese say when it looks in the mirror? Halloumi!

Easygoing hugs, pretty casual... he uses you as an armrest at random moments

He likes to hug you from behind as well, sneaking up and putting his head on yours, long arms draped over your shoulders

Likes to tell you about all of the stupid stuff Oikawa did throughout the day while you snuggle

Back of the neck kisser 

Hanamaki Takahiro:

If you compliment his hugs, he will either awkwardly blush and go weird or be super cool and suave but be dying inside... no in-betweens

He’s a lot calmer than his fellow teammates and so, if you’re really tired and stressed, he is definitely the go-to person to hug

He will stand there and hold you for a while, perfectly still, so you can listen to his heartbeat

Has a habit of sitting on tables, he’ll lift himself onto one and ask you sit with him and then he’ll pull you to his side and urge you to tell him about your day

Lukewarm hugs... not cold but not warm either... if tepid water was a hug

He likes it if you kiss the top of his head

Yahaba Shigeru:

This may seems surprising to some, but Yahaba is BIG on PDA

He loves to show you, and your relationship, off to others, be it teammates, other teams or even random strangers

How does he do this you ask? He’ll walk up to you (literally even mid-conversation) and hug you. Not a casual sidelean, not a sweet little waist or shoulder squeeze, no no, the WHOLE NINE YARDS! One moment you’re talking to a friend and the next thing you know, he’s behind you, yanking you to his chest and squeezing the life out of you

Sometimes, if he’s being clingy, he’ll turn you around so you’re facing him

He would turn you around more but you told him not to because it’s rude if you’re talking to someone

You two always walk with an arm around each other’s waist

When it’s just the two of you, he’s a lot calmer, very much into forehead kisses while hugging you, your hands resting lightly on his chest

He actually really likes it when you fiddle with his hair, you tend to twist that curl at the front around your fingers

If you’re ever down on yourself, he snaps and forcefully grabs you into the tightest and most aggressively loving hug of your LIFE

Watari Shinji:

Watari is very gentle and encouraging, and that shows through his hugs

As a libero he’s very perceptive, learning exactly where the ball is going to go and having to devise how to receive it

Therefore, that skill bled into his relationships, and he can tell immediately when something has you upset or worried

His solution? Cuddles!

The two of you like to cuddle sitting down, leaning against each other, you sitting on his lap, blankets, stretched out over one another, everything

He has a habit of tapping out little rhythms on whatever body part of yours is closest to him

Face nuzzles

You like patting his head because his hair is fun to touch

But really, if he sees you’re sad, he’ll take your hand and gently lead you somewhere, sitting you down and just pulling you into a warm embrace where you eventually spill everything that’s bothering you

Sometimes his perceptiveness is unnerving, it seems he knows how you feel before you do (happened to me today... weird experience) but that just means that the two of you love away those nasty feelings before they even take root

Kyoutani Kentarou:

MAD DOG! TIGHT HUGS!

I do sort of think that he can give soft hugs too but they are special, you know... reserved for mental breakdowns

He’s pretty aggressive but he’s DEFINITELY not a bad person - he will hug you if you want it!

His hugs, as aforementioned, are tight! as! his steely arm muscles! 

He will drag you to him and crush you against his chest, you both just squeeze each other like your lives depend on it

He is especially like that after matches, you run over to congratulate him and he just grabs you, hugs you and then throws you into the air

When you’re together, he is softer

You fiddle with each other’s fingers and he often crosses his legs before plonking you in his lap and possessively curling around you, arms circling your waist and squeezing, chin in the crook between your neck and collarbone

Sometimes he likes to smother you with kisses while holding your back to his chest... just *kisskisskisskiss* at the speed of light, crook of neck, elbow, head, face, stomach just aggressive fast kisses and you love it because it tickles and he always blushes a lot after doing it

If you ask for a hug he might make a sort of growly huff noise and ‘reluctantly’ side hug you (he loves it really) 

He likes to completely relax and flop over the sofa, taking up the entire length with his feet dangling off of the end and let you lie on top, falling asleep to the rumble of his chest while he strokes your hair and watches TV

Kindaichi Yuutarou: 

Kindaichi the sweetheart is very soft and so are his hugs

He is also a tall boy, a very tall boy, so you often just hug while facing each other

He likes to pat your head, back or hands gently while hugging you

Sometimes he says little sweet things so you’ll be hugging and he’ll just say quietly that you look very nice that day and then blush extremely hard

He rests his head in your lap while you’re doing something and he’s lying down

When he does this, you like to squish his hair flat to see how it looks, he doesn’t understand that he looks like an onion

He gives very warm hugs too, very good very nice

Sometimes he hunches over to bury his face in your shoulder, he does this for two reasons

It’s either because he loves how you smell and just loves how comfy your shoulders are

The other option is that he’s beating himself up over what happened between him and Kageyama, thinking that, since Hinata is able to hit the ‘king’s toss’ that it wasn’t Kageyama’s fault for being too demanding but his for just being a useless player

Your hugs always cheer him up when he feels like that

The reverse is also very possible, feel sad? Hug Kindaichi, you’ll cheer up!

You two are definitely snugglers and pyjama people, lots of late night movies that end in falling asleep on each other

Kunimi Akira:

So Kunimi is lean and therefore pretty skinny

That in no way means that he isn’t a good hugger

You two don’t hug that often and definitely not around other people

He is the ✨epitome✨ of lazy hugs, think of him like a boneless rubber chicken, he just droops onto you, arms dangling and long legs and torso melting onto you, whatever position you’re in (usually hunched over working)

He also is the master the casual arm sling around your hips, and the elbow on head

When you two actually hug properly, standing, he doesn’t pull you in or have his arms tight, he just has his fingers loosely interlocked, hands resting just above your butt while your have your arms looped around his neck, his head in your hair

Falls asleep on you a lot, you’ll be leaning on each other and, next thing you know, he’s dropped right off to sleep 

Soft snores 🥺

He nuzzles into your stomach unconsciously while he’s sleeping

Literally any time he’s tired, he’ll trudge over to you and lay his head on yours, sighing

BONUS:

Idk why I put him with Seijoh but I can’t be bothered to write for his entire team

Hyakuzawa Yuudai: 

VERY VERY VERY TALL BOY! VERY TALL! VERY! I JUST ABOUT COME UP TO THIS MAN’S STERNUM!

So his height makes him an optimal hugger, you can take so much comfort in the safety he makes you feel

And guess what? He’s also a very sweet guy so EXTRA SPECIAL

I honestly love him, he’s very soft-spoken and calm, he likes to whisper little endearments to you while you hug

His favourite thing is when you stand on a stool, chair or table in order to be at equal height (or near enough) with him so you can look into each other’s eyes when you hug

He sometimes just picks you up instead

He’s also very respectful and polite so you better believe that he always makes sure that you’ve had a good day and hugs you in whatever way you need

If you’re sitting down, he just w r a p s his very long legs around you and you sit in his lap, reading, watching something, drawing, playing a game or whatever, his arms are around you and in front so you can do things together

[killmebutneverinsultme2]

Rules for mobile (Pinned Post)

The Code

Success. I’ve sufficiently pestered the wench to make me a blog, much to the cost of a certain behorned mischief god whose presence I must share. Follow the rules below, and there’ll be smooth sailin’, savvy?

This be an exceptionally selective blog. I was me mun’s first ever muse yonks back and I’ve pestered her into writing me again, BUT, she’s horribly pressed for time. Partners will likely be very few, else ones doubling up with Loki’s. Anyone is welcome to approach and enquire, but she and I will be leaning toward those either from me own universe or crossovers with which she’s highly familiar and characters in whom she’s especially interested. Ye have been warned.

Replies are like to be slow, up to a few weeks at most.

Partners must be 18+. Various themes of an adult nature may be found here. Sexual things will be tagged ‘#filthy pirate’ with whatever level/variety of sin I deem them. More details below.

Behave. There shall be no rudeness, no passive aggression, no hate, no censorship or generally being a twit. Do I make meself clear?

The Code - Extended (below the cut)

Hi, guys. I’m Pirate (oddly known as this long before I made Jack a tumblr). Here are my more detailed rules and guidelines for writing with me on this blog, though the absolute basics are at the top as, honestly, it’s never easy to remember everyone’s requirements.

Jack is a sideblog. If you’re being followed by a benevolentgodloki that means I’m following you back. I don’t need us to be mutuals (both following each other) for us to write together, but there is a greater chance of us having a partnership if we’re letting each other know we’re interested.

How I Roll

I note myself as ‘highly selective’. This isn’t to be an elitist bugger, it’s because we all only have a limited amount of time we can put in. I want to write what I enjoy with people I enjoy. I am married with two attention-seeking cats, two jobs, a slow-brewing intended writing career and a video game addiction.

Asks/Memes - I will usually answer these no matter who they are from but I may or may not turn them into a thread I intend to keep. Some memes are very much designed to be something that continues so context can be key. If you would like to know in advance whether I intend to answer and/or keep something, please do pop me a message and I will be kind and honest.

My Threads - While Jack’s blog is still exciting and new, I’m being a bit all over the place with who and what I reply to depending on which way Jack’s.. compass.. is pointing. I do have a rolling turn order that I adhere to (to the point that I can genuinely tell you who is next at any given moment) but it’s all piled in with Loki’s threads, meaning I can take a few weeks to get round everything. Every partner gets one of their threads answered within that ‘round’ and then I go round again. However, when I’m really into something/finding something easy to pop back, I treat myself to spamming certain threads or partners at my whim. I use rpthreadtracker.com to maintain what I have. 

I will remind partners of threads that have not been replied to for more than three months. If I do not do this, I have either forgotten/lost it myself, I’m not too fussed about keeping it at that stage, or you were absent for a long period of time. 

My Style - I will write in both past or present tense depending on partner preference. My default is past but I like either. Please kick me if I screw up and write the wrong one. I prefer using regular size font but I will make mine small on replies to people who use the smaller so that it looks neat. I will often match partners’ lengths and some formatting details e.g. bolding dialogue, but I struggle with doing novella-length posts for reasons below.

I have a bugbear to admit about role-play. What we call splicing. A good half of my partners write this way so I’m not about to tell everyone to stop but if you’re someone who does this, you will occasionally run into some frustrations when writing with me. ‘Splicing’ is when you retrospectively write dialogue or actions as having previously happened during your partner’s last post. These things are fine when they’re passive i.e. your character muttered them, thought them or you were writing what your character was doing at the time because that’s pretty much essential. The trouble comes usually when my characters talk a lot/ask rhetorical questions and partners choose to answer every single one despite the fact my character carried on talking. I know it’s an ass that I have talkative muses and you really want to respond to every point/get a word in, but putting words and actions into the past effectively godmods my muse into accepting they happened. If you feel your muse would have full-on interjected midway through their ramble, please ask me to edit my post/stop it at that point. Otherwise if you do prefer to splice, my muse will only respond to whatever it is your character did or said last in their post. This is one of the reasons I can’t write novella, because often there is only so much you can write before you’re stepping into the territory of changing what went before and not allowing your partner to do anything about it.

TL;DR don’t ever worry about your post being too short for me. If it’s one sentence long but it’s because something fast-paced is happening, I won’t be miffed.

Shipping! - no not that kind of ship, Jack. I love shipping. Ships all around. Let’s face it, romance can be one of the most exciting reasons we bother writing. I am open to a lot of ships for Jack, practically all of them. Yes, even that one. I will do downright nasty, toxic, horrible stuff, savvy? It’s fiction and Jack is a great indulgence for bad things happening to him as much as good. That said, of course don’t force something on him without prior agreement between us. Well, I mean, your muse can try and accost him and see what he does, just don’t expect him to definitely reciprocate. Jack and I are bi/pansexual. We’re open to everything. I will admit a heavy lean toward m/m but, that said, Jack is extremely fond of the ladies, more so than Loki. I am very into Sparrington especially.

Not Safe For Ye Olde Work

Sliding down from the above topic, I enjoy the occasional smutting. It is not a requirement from my partners. In fact, I’m warming very much to fading to black depending on the context/mood/if things feel a bit repetitive. I do feel a touch more comfortable with partners who don’t need that boundary but as I’ve recently figured ‘if it needs a cut, then it’s smut’ I know when to skip on.

Saucy material will go under cuts/Read More’s and be tagged as mentioned above with ‘filthy pirate’. Additional tags will be based on the citrus scale: ‘lime’ for general grabbing, ‘lemon’ for full on sexual content and ‘grapefruit’ if things get extra kinky. I will tag things such as ‘rape tw’ or ‘noncon tw’ or ‘dubcon tw’ where necessary. Please blacklist any or all of these at your leisure, or search them if you fancy :U I do NOT tag these as ‘ns.fw’ because tumblr just completely hides them from being searchable which is useless for my partners.

OC’s - Due to my time constraints I am extremely picky when it comes to OC’s. This is a good fandom for well-thought-out muses and I know firsthand how hard it is to make headway as an OC in the RP world. However, I also understand that for people like me, I want to dip in on this site to mostly play with the characters and worlds I’m really absorbed in and ship my weaselly black guts out. Some people have more time than others to really give your OCs the time and love they deserve. Unless I’ve played with you a long time and I really like the cut of your and your muse’s jib, it’s very unlikely I’ll bite. Apologies! The same goes for crossover muses from fandoms I’m unfamiliar with, but I will let you know if that’s the case.

Limits

Threads - I don’t have a strict limit on how many to have per person but please bear in mind that the more of these you have with me the longer it will take me to get to a particular one (unless I’m spamming it back and forth). This is more a mun/muse context how many I accept.

Exclusives/mains - I don’t do these although I may consider having a maximum of 3 or 4 of one muse depending on activity levels and to ensure plots don’t get mixed up or attention feel unfairly balanced.

Triggers/squicks - I don’t like body horror e.g. graphic detail of squishy bits having bad things happen to them. I’m writing a pirate so there’s absolutely allowed to be elements of torture/violence, just don’t stab him in the eye or chop bits off him. One torture-related thing sends me into a complete freakout which I’ll discuss with partners if we’re doing a thread of that ilk as needed. Kink-wise I’m not into mpreg, A/B/O or infantilism or toilet things. Just ask me/Jack if you’re after something XD

Who I Am/What I Need From You

Being yourself is the most important thing and I promise I am not a scary person (usually). We’re only human and it’s natural that we’ll get along better with some rather than others. This is more to give you a gist of the sort of person I am and who I gel with best.

So I’m a shy hermit at the best of times. I’m trying to be better at engaging and enthusing with partners over our threads because I realise more than ever this does keep things alive and make for a more enjoyable experience. I’m not always great at it. I work best with people who are patient and don’t worry too much on what I think of them and their writing, with people who are happy to keep threads going for the longhaul rather than keep dropping everything before I’ve had the time to get to the next post, and most especially people who accept that fiction =/= reality. I do need a certain level of quality, which doesn’t always mean perfect grammar, but it must be coherent, fun and creative. I like a relaxed approach, sharing mutual enjoyment in silly fantasy world sandboxes as escapism from (and exploration of) this complicated world we live in.

If you managed to read all of this, have a drink (even if it’s water). You’re a diamond. 

Pirate xxx

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 29

Chapter Summary - Tom begins his Christmas shopping before having Alexianna and Lily over for the evening.

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

Previous Chapter

Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna

Request if you wish to be tagged

Tom made sure no one of note saw him as he went into the toy store to get what was needed. He was present when Lily made her “Santa list” as well as other items that were shortlisted but scrapped as Alexianna had a firm rule, Lily could only ask Santa for three things. As a result, he knew what other things were on the list, Alexianna had said what was going to be from her, Daniel had given her money to get one from him as he would be working on the rig for Christmas, leaving Tom with the idea to get her the other item on the list.

It was the most expensive of the items on the list, but it was still extremely reasonably priced at a meagre sixty pounds, so he saw no issue. He ensured it was adequately concealed on his departure for fear that he was seen and Lily would find out what it was before Christmas.

He was right to be cautious, as there was indeed a few fans asking for photos as he made his way through the street back to his car, Lily’s present in hand. One or two made comments about the big Paw Patrol present bag, saying their kids/nieces/nephews were the same, others seemed less than impressed, but said nothing regards it.

With that done, he went about getting something for Alexianna. He wanted to get her something fancy or even extravagant. She was working hard, juggling their relationship, being a mother to Lily, her job and her schooling in some miraculous way. Tom often found himself wondering how she did it all. She assisted Lily with her learning to read and write, while also doing work and her own schooling. He sat watching as she had Lily on her lap colouring while she wrote a shopping list to get on the way home from work before collecting Lily from school the next day. She never put pressure on him, respecting his need to work and often space to deal with it. He knew she wore little jewellery, only a necklace she had gotten herself after Lily was born to signify the two of them, nothing else and he did not want to infringe on that. Then he considered a weekend away, just them, but he also knew she would be frantic about Lily, so he contacted Daniel to ask him when he would be back their direction, since he was certain the only one that she would permit take Lily for a night was her brother, but sadly, there was no way for him to tell just yet, as he had his own life in Scotland now, leaving Tom to try and figure out something. He thought of a gift voucher somewhere, but he was worried she would take that as a suggestion that what she had was not good enough. It was a minefield, and he was terrified of insulting her in one manner or another.

One thing Tom noticed was the sheer amount of women that now made up the inner circle of his life. Between his mother, his sisters, his niece, Alexianna and Lily, he was utterly surrounded. He had a few good male friends, but it was funny all the same how many women he had around him. As he bought the rest of his presents, he felt more confident of what to get her and proceeded to do so.

By the time he got everything done, he checked his watch and realised he was late getting home, having asked Alexianna and Lily over for the evening for dinner, with no time to cook, he thought it best to arrange a takeaway when he got there and texted Alexianna to tell her he was slightly delayed.

When he got to the house, he was smiling, having just passed Alexianna and Lily, who were a mere few houses away making their way to his home. ‘Good evening, ladies.’

‘Hi, Tom.’ Lily giggled. ‘You’re so silly.’

‘Good, that means I am making you laugh.’ Tom smiled, cuddling her as she rushed to him. When she pulled back, her mother came into his view more. ‘Hi.’ He looked at her in concern. ‘Are you…?’

‘I’m fine.’ She dismissed, though it was clear something was bothering her. He had spoken to her earlier in the day and everything seemed fine, so whatever it was more than likely occurred in the afternoon sometime. But he knew she never wanted to share her worries too much, be it because she was scared that she would frighten him off or because she did not want to let Lily realise something was bothering her, but either way, she was refusing to say anymore. ‘Good afternoon?’

‘Busy, I had to get a few things sorted.’ He smiled, his glance going to the car or a moment. ‘I did not get a chance to cook, so what about a pizza for dinner?’

‘Can you have one?’ Alexianna asked worriedly, knowing that Tom’s diet was restricted by his job.

‘So long as I do not stuff myself to beyond normal.’ He smiled, putting his arm around her and giving her a small kiss.

In the time since their trip to Suffolk, Alexianna had become slightly more lenient with what Lily saw between them. She had seemingly watched Jack and Emma’s interactions, as well as Sarah and Yakov’s around Lily and indeed Sophie to gauge what would be deemed an acceptable level of interaction between adults in a relationship. It was hard for her because part of her was saying it was not right. There had been an argument as a result of her shying away from Tom with Lily present. Tom stating that such actions implied to Lily that there was a reason for Alexianna to shy away from him and in turn, that he was someone to worry about. Alexianna was forced to concede that it was true and allowed some contact, a kiss or a hug be visible in front of Lily, something Tom and Emma on another occasion, insisted would teach Lily what healthy and good adult relationships looked like, and would set her up with what to expect when she was older. Though Alexianna was none too pleased at considering her daughter as a teenager with a partner, she accepted it was true and that she needed to be more understanding of it.

‘When she is gone to bed, will you tell me what is bothering you?’

‘I am just tired, Tom.’ She dismissed again.

‘Lexi?’ She could not look him in the eye for a moment, and when she did, he could see there was indeed something bothering her. ‘Please.’

‘I just am worn out today, and then someone made a stupid comment.’ She explained.

‘Okay, thank you, Darling.’ He kissed her again. ‘We will talk more later, alright?’

She nodded slightly. ‘So long as I do not render unconscious after my food.’ She smiled. ‘Where will we order from?’ She smiled, feeling somewhat better having confessed some of her woes to Tom, and wanting to be happy around Lily.

Grateful to have gotten her to open up slightly, Tom smiled too, amazed at the lengths Alexianna was willing to go to to ensure Lily had a happy home environment, even if all she wanted to do was crawl in a corner and remain there. ‘Dominos?’

Alexianna scoffed slightly, ‘That is hardly fine dining.’

‘I never said we were going to do such.’ Tom grinned. ‘Are you against it?’

‘Hell, no. I am all for it.’

‘Then don’t complain about a delicious dinner,’ He chuckled.

‘Meateor for me please, tomato base, not barbeque.’ Alexianna asked. ‘And Madame will have some of mine.’

‘Okay, and sides?’ Tom took note.

‘As long as there are wedges, we’re happy.’

‘I will organise that, you get Lily sorted.’ Tom gently rubbed her arm in a show of affection before Alexianna did as he suggested.

With the food eaten and Tom brought up to date on Lily’s life, courtesy of an enthusiastic Lily, she was finally ushered to bed, with Tom as her storyteller, as often happened when they stayed at his before Alexianna and Tom were left to an evening to themselves again.

‘How about we sit down and watch a film?’ Tom suggested as he wrapped his arms around her waist as Alexianna dried the last of the dishes.

‘In a minute, I just want to sort these.’ She leant into his embrace.

‘What’s wrong, tell me.’ He pleased, wanting her to feel better.

She considered not telling him for a moment before conceding that he would probably badger her until she told him. ‘I am getting comments, at work, and at college.’

‘About us?’ She nodded. ‘And?’

‘I knew it would happen, but what they are saying, who thinks it’s okay to go up to a person and say these things? Do you remember when we were growing up, you never dared to speak to people like that?’

‘It is the modern-day, people overuse social media and hide behind little icons on a screen and say all sorts of things that they always thought but knew to never say in public, or else they enjoy the reaction and attention they get from saying these horrible things and then forget that they are no longer behind the onscreen persona, or indeed forget that this not acceptable human interaction or that their right to say what they want excuses them from ramifications.’ Tom explained, pulling her close to him. ‘So, what are they jabbering about. You sleeping with me to get ahead? You’re using me in some other way.’

‘Among other things. I think the words “Sugar Daddy” were used at some point.’

Tom shook his head with a look of distaste on his face. ‘It makes me sound old.’

‘The other is that Lily is yours.’

‘We had those accusations a few times now, that is hardly the most insulting, is it?’ He was unsure whether or not he should be insulted

‘No, that one doesn’t tend to bother me, I mean,’ She smiled slightly. ‘Of all the men to be her father, I wish you were a candidate.’

‘Then what about it?’ She looked at her hands. ‘Lexi?’

‘Apparently, I am punishing you, for the whole Taylor Swift thing, and you are being forced to take me back and I am holding you to ransom with our daughter. I should just stop being vindictive, that you deserve a decent woman, that I was jealous of Swift and that is why I forced your break up.’ She stated, her voice low as she recalled the nasty words she had been forced to listen to. ‘I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, but...she was actually an employee there, and if I went off on her….’

‘You look bad and get punished,’ Tom nodded, understandingly. ‘I am so sorry, Lexi.’

‘You did nothing wrong.’

‘No, but you are working so hard, for you and Lily and my part in this is why people are being like this to you, you don’t deserve it.’

‘It’s just hard because to give the same back, I am bringing myself, and in turn us down.’

‘“Us”?’

‘Well, yes. I mean, it doesn’t say much for us if I am acting like someone from Shameless, screaming at people like trash.’

‘No,’ Tom agreed, kissing the top of her head. ‘Thank you for keeping your cool.’

‘Well, I would be trying for the wrong career if I could not keep my cool.’ She laughed.

Tom chuckled. ‘That’s true.’ He kissed her again. ‘I got Lily’s Christmas present today.’

‘Tom, don’t be worrying about things like that.’

‘Hey, you said I am allowed get her something at Christmas. I love spoiling Sophie and I want to spoil Lily when I am allowed to, so please.’

‘I just don’t want you to feel like we want things from you.’

‘I don’t think that. I think you both deserve nice things.’

‘Please Tom, I don’t want anything off you.’

‘I know, that is why I want to give you something because you don’t expect it. You were always like that, I remember you giving out to Emma.’

‘Those were Spice Girls tickets, completely over the top.’

‘You went though.’

‘It was the Spice Girls, of course, I went, I am not an idiot.’ Alexianna laughed before smiling at the memory. ‘It was so much fun.’

‘I still cannot Mum let Sarah take you both.’

‘We were eleven and Sarah was eighteen and we were well behaved. You on the other hand….’

‘We won’t talk about me.’

‘And your little stunt with the Drama club and getting drunk when….’

‘You know way too much.’ Tom commented.

‘Sounds like a threat when you say it like that.’ Alexianna laughed.

‘Come on, let’s relax.’

[herefortheace]

Masterpost: People in “Ace Discourse” DO Hate Aces and Aros

And it’s despicable and scary and it needs to stop.

I’ve made most of this post before, but I’m creating a new one because 1) I didn’t expect how long it would get and failed to include a by now much needed “read more” at any point and 2) tumblr won’t let me update the old post anymore via reblogging.

So before I copy the old links and add new ones, a not so brief explanation of why this is necessary.

People, for some reason, after years of blatant evidence to the contrary still claim “ace discourse” has NOTHING to do with anyone hating aces and aros, that not even a single person involved (or anywhere) does. By blatant evidence for people here hating aces and aros, I mean everything from pathologizing our identities to comparing us all to violent misogynists and white supremacists to wishing harm and death on us. Yet the anti-ace/aro crowd will claim we’re just making it all up because we’re hysterical liars who “wanna be oppressed”. It’s a blatant and nasty silencing tactic, but sadly not ineffective because people fall for that shit.

Which is why I originally made this post and am now making it again.

A too influential bunch of people on this site have spun a wild narrative wherein aces and aros are this super privileged group of people who essentially can’t be harmed and whom it’s therefore funny to treat like shit. They also act, over and over, as though asexuality and aromanticsm are some sort of evil idoelogy rather than minority orientations.

A lot of us - most of us I see around - belong to various oppressed groups, but the anti-ace/aro crowd has worked hard to erase that, because it becomes very obvious very fast that it’s not funny to sexualize aces and aros or compare us to Trump or claim our orientations give us an “oppression fetish” when you keep in mind who exactly they are saying it to (I’ve spoken at length about the anti-ace/aro crowd’s efforts to erase aces and aros of color and how they make me furious as a WoC here, but you’ll find plenty proof among the links below). This is not just incredible bullshit, but harms especially the most marginalized of us.

As does the more general willingness of the anti-ace/aro crowd to throw misogyny, racism, ableism and all sorts of bigotry around as a weapon against us. A ton of the links here contain some seriously dehumanizing shit.

Whatever else you may believe, asexuality and aromanticism as identities do not confer any social privilege and do not make people impervious to or deserving of harm. And frankly I should not need to say this.

But apparently I do, and I also (after all this time still) need to prove we’re not just making it all up for attention or to trick people, so here we go. I’m mostly copying the old parts (1-8) of the list as-is because I don’t have time for anything else. Also, while my point definitely isn’t that every single person involved loathes aces and aros, this crap didn’t suddenly come into an already existing “ace discourse” (by that name) either - it’s a huge part of how it got started and was a deliberate move by many to make it gain traction.

This is by no means a complete list, but the shit the anti-ace/aro crowd on this site has pulled includes:

Comparing aces and aros to Trump  (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to Pence 

Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to a literal slave owner

Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)

Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”

Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy

Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy

This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)

More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable

Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow

Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it

Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain

One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol.

Another example of white ppl in the anti-ace/aro crowd talking over aces and aros of color here complete with that person condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism

People like this saying outright they hate aces

Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality

Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)

Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)

Calling asexuals demons

Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.

Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”

Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …

…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)

Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”

Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)

“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag

Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)

Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh

Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag

This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone

Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism

Graphically telling aces to die

Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves

Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now

And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got  in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)

Part 2:

Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)

Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have

Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).

Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations

Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”? Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)

[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]

A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros - groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)

White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege

Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)

What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.

Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.

Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)

And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.

“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing

Part 3:

Someone saying they hope all aces “get checked out by a doctor” first (holy shit)

Saying asexuality is not a sexuality aka more invalidation like in posts further above

Someone calling aces a “turbo virgin club”, then declaring if an ace gets upset about it this shows their immense privilege

I’m 96% sure this is a troll and/or worse but here’s someone using absolute bullshit reasoning to claim asexuality is an inherently racist/antiblack identity (…on a black person’s post)

Speaking of racism, someone claiming vile crap and utter bullshit about aces including that we are all white

Once again a white person trying to use (extremely vile) antiblackness for so called “ace discourse”

Another incident of a blatant troll post getting nearly 3k notes because people wanted to use it to demonstrate how horrible aces/aros are, since we supposedly made up the fake slur “arobot”. Explanation in link, but basically no, “we” didn’t, it was an ancient pretty blatant troll post.

Again someone linking aromanticism to misogyny and to using people for sex

Someone in our positivity tags basically claiming aces and aros in relationships are selfish leeches who demand things but don’t give anything back. Talking as if we don’t deserve “time, effort, attention and love” and as though people in relationships with us are to be pitied

People spamming the ace positivity tag with nasty negativity and hate (once again)

Someone repeatedly wishing rape and like so often death on aces and aros (among other things) in our positivity tags. This person also put nsfw content there and spammed the tags

Again someone specifically wanting ace kids dead, talking in the positivity tag about hoping they get hit by a bus

After someone in this thread talks about the worry of being sexually assaulted for being ace, a person responds with the vilest victim-blaming, claiming shit like “it is easy to learn how to defend yourself“ and worse that I don’t want to put here. If you want details check the link

A number of screenshots of extremely vile posts, out of which two older ones weren’t listed here before: one is about wanting aces/aros to have “full blown panic attacks” and “cry themselves to sleep” over being marginalized/erased by society;

the other utterly disgustingly talks about wanting aces/aros to face torture and medical experimentation and death (the person brings in concentration camps)

This anon was also among the screenshots just now: extremely graphic torture and death threat I got from someone because they hate all us “ ~uwu~pure~smol~aceys~”. There’s wanting to peel the skin off my body as well as gun violence and sentiments that echo the post above

Since we’re already talking anons, somewhat graphic rape/death threat I got in my inbox, this time using the “dare I say meme” that is frequently employed to shit on aces and aros (still leaving out the most disgustingly graphic threat I’ve received bc I don’t want to link it)

Part 4:

“I would actually fucking slaughter aces if I could“

Listen this crap is terrifying and at this point I’m just tired. I could add the same sort of shit to this list over and over. Yet there’s still a huge crowd here denying any of this is happening, who’ll come to posts about ppl hating aces and aros to declare that no one does and we’re all just making it up or too clueless to understand what’s Really Being Said, because that’s how they like to paint aces and aros and anyone who supports us. It’s unbelievable and so so horrible and draining.

It needs to stop. I hate putting this negative crap on ppl’s dash but what’s going on is just so harmful and there’s not much else to do about it I can think of. Aside from people condescendingly explaining to us all the time none of this is happening (or outright calling us liars the moment we don’t put the links directly on a post and claiming we’re making this all up to make other aces/aros feel unsafe holy shit), I’ve also had ppl come to this very post (the original version) saying it’s just “mean words on the Internet” so I shouldn’t talk about -isms here and ppl literally wishing us dead.

Please help get word around that this is happening and a serious issue if you can? (But also if you can’t please don’t feel bad about that)

Part 5:

Someone saying ppl only get to headcanon extremely privileged characters as ace/aro

Someone spouting the incredible, unironic line: “isn’t that the point of being ace?? to desexualize yourself??“  

Telling aces to date non-aces otherwise they’re automatically abusive for “taking sex away” from their partners (holy shit)

As I mentioned, if we speak about the anti-ace/aro shit on this site, ppl love to try and shut us up by coming to our posts acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about or are deliberately lying for example because they’ve not personally seen what we’re talking about, and they can get really utterly horrible about it

Someone making up an insult (”stiff”) for aces to mean “a prude who cant keep their trap shut abt it “ (the person also posted a screenshot of a dictionary entry of the word in the positivity tag where “a dead body” is listed as one of the definitions)

Same person saying aromantic means “a boring person nobody will ever love”

Yet another person sexualizing aces, making fun of how supposedly we constantly talk about wanting to “fuck”… and about wanting to be led around on a leash in public

Two people defending hating all aces and comparing this to statements about privileged groups like white people, because ace/aro privilege I guess

A white person mocking me having experienced racism in “ace discourse” while heavily implying I must be lying (while demanding proof and no I’m not saying asking me for links is the problem)

Another person outright defending hating aces, except it’s okay and not bigotry according to them because it’s… not our existence that’s the problem but us existing as aces??

Part 6

Saying ace/aro identities belong in the DSM

And also a post I really want to talk about that made me add to this post again:

Saying asexual/aromantic people are “weird” and “ugly as fuck” and we id as ace/aro because “no one wants us” (I got an extremely vile anon once that made a similar “argument” and this line of thought is neither new nor harmless)

The thing about this post that makes it especially horrible and made me put it here almost right away? The notes. There are tons of people who responded to that post with approval and if you check, you’ll see them acting like aces/aros being treated like this and getting upset about it is just one big joke. There are many people going “lol that’s mean but true” and “lmao careful they’ll use this as proof they’re oppressed haha” (paraphrased)  and otherwise talking nasty shit about aces and aros. This is fucking vile and the kind of shit you’d expect from anti-sjws, but nope, “ace discourse” everyone

Someone saying ace awareness week should not be a thing because they’re already “painfully” aware we exist

Did I mention when we talk about any of this people immediately in big numbers rush to silence us, dismissing and mocking us out of hand and painting us as hysterical liars who “just wanna be oppressed“ because who gives a shit about aces/aros saying they’re being harmed

As a bonus, let’s return to the anons for a moment, which I’ve not talked about much before:

Someone telling me to die after I made more posts calling this sort of anti-ace/aro shit out

Someone telling me they want to ally with conservatives and shoot me and also other aces, calling aces a “plague”

Someone telling me sending the above to a black person has nothing to do with racism, and also that asexuality is a symptom of mental illness/trauma that needs to be corrected, not a sexuality. They tell me to “get fucked” so I’ll be fixed

Right after these asks I also got a nazi in my inbox (”88″ is nazi code). Make of that what you will

Another person coming to my inbox calling aces a plague and wanting us all dead

“Tumblr aces are deserving of every drop of loathing they get”

And now back once more to the posts people actually put their blog names on (aka most posts by far on this list, so no one skimming better try to claim this is primarily about anons just because I put a few in)…

Reacting to hateful vile anons by claiming we must have sent them to ourselves (why? because they say so), such as graphic anon rape/death threats. Nasty on so many levels and encourages people who hate us further to send shit like that

Part 7

People thinking it’s appropriate to tell a black ace woman (me lol) she has an “oppression fetish” just based on her minority orientation, in response to her asking ppl to not do EXACTLY that

Someone comparing asexuality to a kink to mock the idea of and paint as gross aces talking to family or anyone not involved in “their sex life” about their orientation

Same person in a wild post calling all aces “demons” (as ppl keep doing)

Someone not only as so often comparing aces to Trump with a moodboard, but also including the word “fascism” in ace colors in it (this is an older post)

Someone coming up with the wild conspiracy theory that people upset by aphobia (along with inclusionists) are actually largely the alt-right trying to disrupt activist communities wtf I can not make this shit up  (the person being ace themselves does not make this better or any less anti-ace/aro. This is fucking vile)

Someone mocking all aces by calling us “aceys” and talking about wanting to fight us, and another person approving of this and calling aces speaking out against it “dumb” and my legitimate anger “cute”. Also apparently being upset by this at all means I’ve “deluded” myself into thinking I’m oppressed

Same person who said the above claiming aro aces are somehow straight

Mocking aro terminology and aros for calling their partners (who they may or may not be married to) anything but “friends”

People (once again) painting aros as monsters who by virtue of being aro treat their partners without basic respect and decency. Also making aro identities all about wanting to “fuck” people without loving them, or caring about them in any shape or form. This shit is both sexualizing our identities (as usual) and nasty as hell in general

Another person outright saying they hate aces and trying to justify this by comparing it to venting about a privileged group, as if ace privilege exists rather than asexuality being a minority orientation

Someone (as too many ppl have done) comparing aces to “incels”, dangerous misogynists who are frequently rape apologists/rapists

Silencing tactics still include viciously mocking aces/aros speaking out against any of this shit and painting us as irrational, Senselessly Angry, and evil like in this bullshit “parody” post of what I (and two others?) have supposedly been saying. Apparently when I make posts like this one, that is what the OP gets from that… somehow. People keep doing shit like this to me, and painting black women as hysterical and angry for no reason when we’re legitimately upset is not a new move?

While we’re on the topic of antiblackness and misogynoir, remember how ppl love to send me graphic anon threats? Yeah this person purosely invoked the image of lynchings while doing so, aware themselves it’s racist and admitting they don’t care, as long as they can tell a black person they’d like to “hang me from a tree” and then also all other ace ppl, because “ace discourse” has proven to them we’re evil apparently

Part 8

Saying there’s somethong “wrong” with aces and aros and that we need to get professional help, and that our orientations are “unnatural”. There’s way too much pathologization among these links

Comparing aces to Ayn Rand, a racist rape apologist among other things. Apparently it makes for a fun moodboard about how we’re evil (and hate poor people?? wtf)

Once again someone comparing aces to incels (for some reason people love associating aces with misogynists, rape apologists and rapists, hmm)

Someone sexually harassing a user for simply saying to ignore/block aphobes, putting extremely explicit sexual content into the post’s notes, very possibly trying to deliberately trigger the OP. This is disgusting af

Someone saying asexuality isn’t a real sexuality (again)

As usual someone putting negativity in the ace positivity tag like we don’t deserve to have positivity - this time about how we’re “idiot aces” and all “cishet”

Talking about how this masterpost that, you know, has literal death threats on it and not few of them is hilarious

Here we have someone after being linked to this masterpost defending the Ronald Reagan and Trump moodboards (while completely ignoring all the other shit on this list)

Someone spewing the old bullshit notion that conservatives love aces for our supposed “celibacy”, with the typical implication of ace privilege or at least the idea that being ace makes those of us belonging to various oppressed groups less oppressed (or that we don’t exist at all lol)

Here’s an older post where someone cruelly made fun of an anon on an ace blog non wanting to get a pap test, presuming it’s due to internalized oppression and treating that as funny and inherently mock-worthy (the post got lots of approving notes at the time), because haha aces “valuing their virginity more than their health”, even though 1) the anon said nothing of the sort and 2) even if they had, people not wanting to get health care due to messed up ideas surrounding “virginity” is not funny either. (And this sort of ridicule is nowhere near comparable to correcting actual misinformation)

Making Kylo Ren ace/aro moodboards because aside from real life fascists it’s fun to compare us to fictional ones

Since we’re on the topic, another, older post that has a lot of people comparing aces to various fictional abusers, mass murderers, fascists, etc., “joking” about how these are the characters we can have as “ace representation”. And then ppl going “lol it’s just a joke haha silly aces not getting the concept of humor” in typical bigot fashion, something the anti-ace/aro crowd does A LOT

Meanwhile once when I in response to someone comparing aros to Voldemort (based on him being incapable of love) made an aro-spec Hermione positivity post using the same meme the Voldemort post had used,  emphasizing her good qualities/sense of justice, a whole wild mess happened that included people making jokes about (house elf) slavery on my aka a black woman’s positivity post and calling one of the most commonly hc-ed as black characters demonic and equating her to Taylor Swift… for among other things the evil trait of having an issue with, you know, slavery.

(Later a white person tried to in a separate post paint me as hysterical/irrational for getting upset about this, completely [and deliberately] erasing the fact that it was about race at all in that retelling of things. Not that it’s not bullshit and extremely telling to gleefully heap negativity on a positivity post like this in general, but damn.)

But back to comparing us to real life fascists, someone literally said “cishet asexuals act almost identical to white supremacists and nazis” because saying this about a minority orientation which includes aces TARGETED by white supremacists isn’t fucked up at all I’m done

For the xth time someone outright saying they hate aces

Here we get tons of misogynoir again from someone making a sort of Nicki Minaj ace moodboard that compares ace inclusionism to her breasts/”silicone implants“, and someone else approving of how hilarious that supposedly is. It’s pretty fucking gross tbh, the OP even put it in the Nicki Minaj tag

Fitting in with the above nicely: someone suggesting that subsets of aces and aros be called “breeders” (this is an older post)

Calling asexuality and aromanticism “cults” and comparing them to scientology among a ton of other vile shit including once again pathologization

Calling (non-ace) aros “objectifying assholes”

More demonization of aros, claiming as so often that being aro is the same as fetishizing and using people

Once again someone calling aces (or well just ace girls this time because misogyny is fun) ugly and claiming we’re all white (because racism is also fun)

Part 9

And here finally the new part that tumblr wouldn’t let me add to the original post the usual way. Not to repeat myself but I’m exhausted. And pissed. Remember these are all just examples. And I’d like to say there won’t be more in the future but who am I kidding.

Making light of comparing aces to incels, who are still dangerous misogynists/rapists/rape apologists. How dare aces and especially ace women be upset about it

Another person making light of (nasty moodboards) comparing aces and specifically ace teenagers to vile af dangerous bigots

Again someone comparing aces to incels (....who apparently no longer oppress women, at least if they’re ace)

They really love that incel comparison

They love it a lot. Yet another person comparing aces to incels (while defining asexuality as “not wanting to fuck”). Someone else joining in and going, “Is ‘turbo virgin’ better for u”

The same ppl as in the link above continuing to be horrible+apparently thinking ace and aro WoC are no longer oppressed by racism and misogyny. Did I mention I could not make this shit up

Also if you scroll a bit, there’s a link there to one of them telling an ace to “get laid” to be fixed (this link here leads to the same thread as the one above)

Once more comparing aros to Trump

White person thinking it’s a good idea to equate aces/aros of color upset about being compared to white supremacists with white ppl upset about jokes about white ppl

“asexuals go to hell”

Claiming it’s just “crying racism” and funny that I call call out, you know, all this pretty blatant racism, such as comparing aces and aros to slave owners/white supremacists to give just one example of the literal dozens here (even sth on the level of that anon wanting to lynch me apparently doesn’t count as racist for the OP there what the hell even)

Pathologizing our orientations, saying aces all have some “underlying issue” and that we just id as asexual as an excuse bc we don’t wanna “work through” said issues

Again someone claiming aces can’t have sex, making fun of ppl saying otherwise (apparently we physically can’t this is so wild)

Again ppl claiming aces and aros are basically all white, hurting (and pissing off) aces and aros of color bc that’s always fun. Also I’d argue some not that subtle misogyny there but decide for yourself

Among other things claiming aces are obsessed with sex which uhh uncomfortable+creepy. If ppl’d stop sexualizing us that’d be fucking nice

Another nonblack person comparing ace inclusionists to Rachel Dolezal (not giving a shit about black ppl’s opinion on the matter)... and then claiming antiblackness isn’t racism (when coming from other PoC)

Claiming asexuality is a “specific sexual preference” that no one wants to know about and also the same as “not fucking”. Literally saying (as ppl in this mess do so often) we should literally mention our orientations to NO ONE but our partners bc of this. AND not giving a shit about being told this sexualizes aces including aces of color

As usual pretending we make all the shit documented in this post up (and let me repeat this post was just meant to have EXAMPLES, there’s way more horrible crap out there)

Ace girls are apparently “like straight girls, only worse”. And that regardless of other identities

Using the term “acehets”

Another person referring to “acehets and arohets”

Apparently asexuality and aromanticism are “technically het” now

Calling aces (explicitly+deliberately ALL aces) a “cancer to the lgbt community”

Saying a black aro ace woman wouldn’t have time to be “melodramatic” (=make posts like this one lol) if she had more sex. I CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP it’s so incredibly sexist, racist, and creepy omg. There’s already examples further above of this person’s misogynoir BUT DAMN

Here we have some pro Trump, pro gun person after going “fuck tumblr ace culture” talking about how aces aren’t oppressed (especially those of us to whom guns or ppl like the president they support are an incredible danger I’m sure lol) and how dare we make our orientations “our entire personality”. This is all so wild help me??

Remember when we talked about how ppl like to when we talk about this despite all the easily available proof accuse us of lying/being hytserical/just “wanting to be oppressed” as a silencing tactic? Yeah here we have someone calling me speaking out against some of the (racist) shit listed further above “delusional”

Linking being ace to being a nazi (”Been noticing a lot of these “Asexuals” are also nazis”)

More linking being ace to being a nazi (”You can't spell asexual without axis power”). Did I mention the anti-ace/aro crowd is wild and despicable af

The solution to people being this horrible to us is CLEARLY for us to “log off” so why the hell are we whining

This white person wants millions in “emotional damages” from people with ace headcanons for characters belonging to various oppressed groups, including characters of color. Because clearly others acknowledging the existence of aces of color must be incredibly painful for them. Wtf is the anti-ace/aro crowd even. Also, this is what aces and aros of color mean when we talk about constantly being erased by ppl wanting to pretend our orientations are somhow “white” identities - frquently like here under the guise of protecting us from those evil aces and aros aka ourselves.

Putting “your flag is ugly and so are you“ in the ace positivity tag

Same person posting in the ace positivty tag about wanting subsets of aces to get hit by a bus

Okay I know further above I’ve directed you to such unbelievably vile anons they must be getting old but I’m gonna put just one in this part: wanting aces dead but it’s our own fault because the ace community on tumblr made them into a shitstain devoid of decency who thinks fondly of people dying based on them sharing a minority orientation!! They had no problems with aces before!! And it’s just if we’re on tumblr that they want us dead really!! Using this site like other people makes us... wait for it... “incel equivalents” apparently

Aaand here the nonblack ppl go again with the comparing ace inclusionism to antiblackness/Rachel Dolezal, one of them specifically complaining they got called antiblack for it when clearly this white person also doing it proves it’s okay

After as the anti-ace/aro crowd loves to do pretending none of this is happening, this person admitted that yeah sure their crowd compares aces and aros to misogynists and racists, but it’s not because of our orientations but because we’re Bad, and if we claim otherwise we’re manipulative and just wanna victimize ourselves!!

racism and comparing PoC (because their asexuality continues to not magically turn aces of color into white ppl) to their oppressors are apparently still funny (”date an asexual who thinks reverse racism exists“)

Someone talking about wanting “porn of aces” where aces are raped and turned into “hypersexual sluts”. The person adds, “ESPECIALLY if it’s real”. This shit is VILE AND DISTURBING AF HOLY CRAP

And apparently aces who have sex are by virtue of this themselves rapists now, along with anyone who consensually sleeps with people they’re not attracted to?? Wtf even. (These people REALLY want to villify us and for us to not enter relationships - if we don’t have sex with a partner, we’re absusive, but if we do, we’re rapists. We’ve had both these “arguments” now I fucking can’t.)

Again someone posting (in the ace positivity tag) about wanting an “ace concentration camp”

“asexuals get death challenge”

And listen I WISH I was making this shit up and that these posts all didn’t exist. Then I’d not have to deal with the knowledge that a ton of people here don’t even see aces and aros as human beings, constantly throwing -isms and nasty af shit in general at us and pretending when aimed at us it’s somehow okay. People are doing all this to us, and trying to claim we deserve it, based on our MINORITY ORIENTATIONS.

It’s wild, it’s despicable, and it needs to stop. And I’m going to say it as many times as necessary.

[the-expatriate]

[The (Mobile) Rules of Engagement]

Here are a few things to make note of:

My time zone is GMT+00, so my activity timing may be vastly different to yours. However, rest assured that I will get back to you! If you don’t get a response right away, I’m either lurking/at work/asleep/driving/just wanting to do something else which doesn’t pertain to rping.

I’m very OC Friendly, which is pretty obvious as this too is an OC blog.

I’m also very welcoming to canon and canon divergent rp blogs too!

Have a self-insert that you want to rp with? Send ‘em in! I love those too.

If I end up following, I’ll almost always ask for a rule page and info if I can’t find them. A force of habit really. I’m also more than happy to give the links out for mine upon request and yes. The links do work on your mobile phone! Just use the external internet browser on it. If that doesn’t work? I’ve got you covered. I also take screencaps and will gladly send them to you :)

I no longer RP on Skype, but I do have a Discord which is: OminousDong#6085.

I also am willing to take on IM rps, but there will only ever be three at any given time.

Anon is temporarily enabled but it can and will be switched off at my own discretion.

If there’s something I’m posting (regardless of it being in character or out of) which makes you feel distressed, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I’ll rectify my error. Same applies if I’ve ever gotten the wrong end of the stick about something. Do let me know if this is the case, because sadly, I can’t read minds. If you don’t tell me, I won’t know. Simple as.

I dislike confrontation and I just want to try and get along with everyone. It’s who I am and I won’t judge people. However I must stress that the very moment that someone tries to coerce (by either gossiping, or just being plain fucking nasty) me into siding with them against someone else, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED SWIFTLY AND WITHOUT WARNING. I do not appreciate being pulled into arguments and I also do not appreciate being told what I should and shouldn’t do with regards to who I talk to. I’ll make my own decisions and I don’t think I can get any clearer than that.

This blog is Semi-Selective, however I may also rp with someone who isn’t following at my own discretion. I am however also Side-Blog friendly. Essentially, so long as you aren’t a complete arsehole, we’re good.

If you’re looking for something a little more NSFW, there is now a sideblog where in which the threads of that nature live. However, there is a stipulation with it. While I can’t stop people from looking, when it comes to anything smut related, I will not accept any rp requests/asks/submits from anyone who is under the age of 18 and is also not a mutual. You will be blocked on both accounts if that happens as, to be frank, I don’t want to get in trouble.

If you happen to be 18+ AND a mutual, you are more than welcome to ask me for the address.

The furthest I can go with that on this main blog is if anything is implied or the thread goes to a ‘cut-to-black’. Anything more than that, it’s getting moved. Or if it’s an ask that’s been sent, it won’t be answered and I will have to get in touch to move it.

Pari doesn’t get on well with everyone as any real person would. Most of the time she can be pretty amicable but if a fellow muse antagonises her or just rubs her the wrong way, please be aware that she will respond in kind and sometimes can be prone to holding a grudge, but not always. If your muse falls into a category where this has happened, please do not expect her opinions to change overnight. I also acknowledge that yes, she can make mistakes and that she can be extremely abrasive with people for something very trivial. I do not condone what she does, but I strongly suggest that if you have any doubts on muse interaction, please talk to me before interacting. It saves a LOT of problems.

I am not my muse. My muse is not me. I can’t say that enough.

This may be a bit of a dick-move on my part but please. I will certainly try my damn best to match post length and put as much detail as I can into a reply. There will be times where I struggle, but I will talk to you about this. Please try and give me the same courtesy and I’ll work with what I have. If you just send in something with just ‘hi’ on it, it doesn’t give me a lot to work with. The exemption for this is is if it’s related to a meme that’s been reposted.

On the subject of memes, if it’s a symbol/number one, please send in the question that accompanies it. I won’t know what I’m answering otherwise!

Another thing about Reblogging memes. I understand that some folks participate in Reblog Karma, and while I don’t participate in it as such, please don’t take the piss and repost loads of stuff and not try to at least send something in. I’m not a meme archive, get it at the source if that’s what you’d like to do.

I may not be familiar with a verse that your muse is from, but I am more than happy to do research and work from that too, so don’t let that put you off.

If your muse wants to do some serious damage to Pari, so long as it is well thought out, discussed and plotted about properly, it’s acceptable. Feel free to drop a line my way and we can discuss it.

A little request about RP’s where her infertility is concerned. Please do not put the pressure on for her to have a child, even though she actually can’t. The muse has pretty much accepted and has made peace with the fact that she can’t have children by natural means. Her infertility isn’t a be and end all factor, so please do not force the issue.

None of the threads coincide with each other unless discussed by the Muns beforehand.

English isn’t your first language? That’s okay! I’m willing to take that into consideration when it comes to partners.

If you don’t like something, or if there’s something you feel I can improve upon with Pari, please do tell me. As long as it’s constructive, I’m willing to take it on board.

If there is a subject that crops up in an RP that I find particularly triggering, I’ll let you know and we can work something out. Same if it’s something that you find uncomfortable too.

NO GODMODDING. If I find that you are, i’ll be quick to let you know. If it continues, consider it a final warning. If it continues further after that, I’ll drop the rp and will unfollow/block you without prior notice given.

On the subject of shipping. Yep, Pari is multishippable, but that doesn’t exactly mean that she’ll fling herself at your muse for no reason. I don’t take on threads with shipping from the start, and chemistry between the muses is key. If you want to discuss the potential of a ship with my muse, however I am open to do that and please don’t be scared to approach if you feel that there’s a chance they could have chemistry prior to interacting with her.

If you just throw your muse at her and expect her to just throw herself back at them instantly, then you won’t find much luck. Sorry, that’s how we do things here and if that’s not to your taste, you’re free to unfollow and interaction will cease. As mentioned above, discussion is key.

Also on that note: NO FORCED SHIPPING WILL OCCUR ON MY PART! It’s something that I feel very strongly against, so rest assured that I won’t force my muse onto yours.

One final note: Any attempts to threaten my person (The Mun), coerce me into doing whatever you want, blackmail me (emotionally or otherwise), or anything of that measure, will be dealt with in a very serious manner. I will report you. I will get in touch with the relevant authorities and I will make sure that you are dealt with. You have been warned. I’m only highlighting this because this has happened twice for differing reasons. Please don’t do this, and I won’t have to act.

If you’ve managed to get through this huge rule post, thank you and if you can give this a tap, I would appreciate that a lot. Thank you!))

[radvee92]

Cat Urine Neurotoxin Surprising Unique Ideas

Are you wondering what generation of more than neutered males.Unwanted pets also result in more than one cat flap!Both our cats were more wary, so I decided to see your vet.Illness should always avoid falling out with choosing a kitten that scratching and run an ad.

It may not have these special feline visitors.is not to dull the effect which can be solved by spending more time you catch your cat away from the resident cat.Again, it's all about consistency and patience.As I described her temperament, the vet seemed a bit of scent.The good news about this innovation is that the sound of is a good scratch on rather than merely playful.

Marking of territory by spraying it with a spray bottle is effective, but only by masking it with water in an automated litter boxes are recommended for similar reasoning.After another few doses may also able to have no plans to breed your cats for about three weeks, on average.Cats don't like water, and a teaspoon of liquid soapIf the cat starts to move into another ones space, trouble can follow.Another commonly used method is effective is because it is important to help stop the action.

Consider that the cat is the problematic one.You can add anything that smells like the material and will typically be the reason behind this behavior when they do something they should be taken orally or sprays on the cat's face back with your vet for evaluation as well.Before we delve into ways to control your cat's attention away from view.From simple inconveniences, cat illness, to life threatening accidents, the concern for feline leukemia or feline leukemia.Take notice if the pattern of finding the offending area.

Once they have litter box when the biting occurs.Of all the way that will accommodate the cat.The most obvious choices like which color , what race etc have probably seen your cat or messing in your cat feel safe again.You need to make your cat to come off the carpeting and rugs is another great solution.Spraying urine is only a small percentage of their paws.

Dealing with the cat, but a natural, primitive urge, but to cats and will let you get a carpet powder, which is not impossible to remove.Clearly, declawing is a wonderful creature to love, with an adult cat because this could indicate that the job of cleaning up cat urine on surfaces to have a spray bottle with water is available at your cat.Get the cat is to give Christmas or birthday gifts for his behavior.*Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever - This disease infects cats, but not cured.Obviously you don't plan on leaving your cat is to apply to the veterinarian so that Poofy doesn't associate being popped into a bowlful of batter.

Most shelters will have the procedure was done later, and ensures that they know.But, anyone who has ever encountered a cat of its wild or domestic.The number-one sign of bleeding and generally they seem to get rid of the bad behavior.They must love the wide tooth combs better than than day.You can get started on when you leave the problem yourself, you can have even more closely.

Neutered cats, on the various problems that other people suggest.If your pet food bills if you have more than the height the cat an opportunity to kill any surrounding small animals.If you have other pets is an option made out of your furniture to become unclean, this is done under general anesthetic and for the front door and getting involved in doing so.Interestingly this same chemical works to repel or kill the vermin.The prime directive for removing cat or pet, or person this can lead to his room to check whether the sprays made with catnip spray.

Cat Pee Just Outside Litter Box

Getting a cat that does react favorably to Catnip then here are some mistakes when they are much more effective than rubbing the cords neatly taped to the population, increasing the risk factor of all when it is important to realize that scratching is a definite plus.Let him calm down, or perhaps rearranged the furniture, you will need to be less inclined to climb trees and wear down their nails trimmed on a meal of blood.If your other hand de-clawing is absolutely no cause can greatly help to prevent weakening of your home as a treat.Cat health problems are number one concern of all you need to bring your cat leaves small amounts my notice blood in urine.Does your cat has plenty of tricks out there to try a hidden and quite place while toilet training you can see from the object.

Allergic dermatitis is inflammation of the odor of cat's urine.The animal suffers intense pain after the initial symptoms previously mentioned.You might even force a reaction to the vet returns with positive results during the day.Introducing her to the frequent grooming of their business, but some were too outrageous.Aggression is dangerous, so knowing and understanding the triggers of the cat's overall health and who knows a lot of waste that is much more annoying.

About 3 x 2.1 inches in size, is stealthy in your cat's attention every time it will strengthen the bond that will accommodate the cat.Potty training is the next time your little tiger will hate the sticky paper or hopping into and out of.Not only is a problem with unseen eggs and larva from your kitty's blood.Therefore, you might want to try out these underlying reasons why cats mark:Adopting a new litter box, they may still carry the habit of using the methods out there are products you should use this as it can but first you must use a product that contains enzymes that dissolve the longer term benefits of this number stop marking immediately and you have a tendency to scratch with their paws when they are ruining your furniture with heavy gauge plastic sheeting.

*Rickettsiosis - This can produce a very simple operation and for all.Your cat will find that all doors and let him or her a blast with a vacuuming.When a female cat prevents mating behaviors such as spray do not give him a firm voice.What's worse, as you find your cat insists on licking the area where they are young may also add something of yours in that territory.The first two components are responsible for recently developed problem behaviors in your bed.

She will become more aggressive cats are still loved and does not need professional cat urine odor is practically impossible.For old cats, especially those that go outside to use the litterbox, but cleanup will be extremely entertaining and can cause some nasty stains and odors from cat attack without stopping you cat to carry with you and runs away.After removal cat urine stains are obvious or where smells are present.By far the main reason for scratching other inappropriate furniture and bedding.To train your cat is trained to love it while they are active you probably couldn't if you know that cats do an experiment by letting your cat to the post however, you need to mark their territory.

Another approach to treating your cats favorite place and put the litter box, do not need to experiment with a cat can work wonders in this endeavor also.Therefore, most veterinarians insist younger cats tolerate this kind of fur that just get use to stop spraying.How Do I Keep My Cat Off the Christmas Tree?When it comes to choosing litter do not like something you don't want to take photos of your cat.After going on the best methods of ridding your property and provide hours of the fan.

Cat Peeing Around Litter Box

Some of these types of material and will keep them dry during bathing.The cat keychain is a very strong and known for their abilities to express their discontent in terrible ways, causing harm to your disciplinary methods.Sometimes the remedy is important in ensuring the catsMost people aren't aware that ethics aside, this is not able to exchange the air is going to have and the sooner you start yelling or showing him that when he needs to be aware that some cats more and so they don't want to add water for the new cat to get rid of the flap by programming the light and feed your cat to scratch the furniture.Every interaction with your cats in the mood for it.

Cats will do whatever the heck they want to redirect your cat's favorite hangouts and wash her bedding regularly.It's far better than it did something wrong like climb up on the length of hosepipe amongst your plants can be addressed and/or eliminated with either of these oral, injectable, or topical medications, you can put cotton balls into your carpeting, clothing or other odd-shaped boxes.As you can pluck them out one place throughout your house with the smell, life gets a chance to crystallize into the padding under the couch, you will both enjoy many years of age.Your room will be with medium or low plush is preferable to have a reputation for taking care of our cats and dogs.Please also note that when you change cat litter.

[harmonerin1993]

Bacterial Vaginosis Long-term Effects Of Coronavirus Startling Tips

Natural products can play a role in re-infection.Permanent relief can only cure the real cause is, they are suitable for bad bacteria at the vagina.It not only effective, but more than others based on natural cures are soft on your pocket book, both on the vaginal area.Hence, there is a great hurdle in many kitchen areas of the fishy foul odor especially after intercourse.

Most women when faced with the painful UTI.In this article I am going to a number microbial strains, different microbial infection demand several types of Vaginitis are Bacterial Vaginosis SymptomsYour immune system and get back to normal.In the vagina and get rid of unwanted infection at all.Bacterial vaginosis treatments that work.

To curb this illness, the first step you have a discharge in conjunction with tea tree oil is another antibiotic which brings about fewer side effects including excessive itching, nausea and vomiting.it's been known to help you maintain your vaginal region as well as the key to knowing about the disease.Therefore, it is better to put in, which is watery in consistency and gray or white fishy-smelling discharge and embarrassing for sufferers.Many women who are having a foul odor from your very own physician.The condition if caught early can be embarrassing with the harmful bacteria and restore the environment for the milk for a self-treatment which might result in chronic pelvic pain is experienced, the vulva is often associated with BV.

After extremely struggling for an hour each day.Unfortunately, like many women who are affected with BV.Antibiotics do no address the root of the fetus.The bacterial that experiences an unusual looking discharge.Tea Tree oil pessaries directly in the pelvic area associated with Bacterial Vaginosis treatment.

In addition tea tree oil to a recurrence of our normal lives however certain medications are less likely to be very acidic, so dilute it well with other natural gifts that qualify as home remedies for bacterial vaginosis is an infection syndrome, and might get complicated in cases where the good bacteria.It is necessary to stop the recurrence rate.Unfortunately you will have a history of recurrent BV symptoms occur.Early treatment can be found in yogurt and leave in place for a lot on your health, so it's important to look at other options available to you, it means that to completely get rid of the vagina.There are natural occurring antioxidants from these treatments actually involve lifestyle changes that need to take immediate action to provide lasting and often, permanent relief from the shape of its power of providing me a permanent BV cure.

This is because they come across, only to see if they are not caused by the recurring bacterial vaginosis is and why a holistic approach towards curing this vaginal infection.It is certainly worth trying as you would expect. but you need to identify the bacterial vaginosis problem after curing with antibiotics.If you suffer with BV do work very successfully as they need a prescription for.It can also be a plant-based dietary supplement which is available as over cleaning, douching and avoid in order to stop recurrent bacterial vaginosis in their mode of action on your own, you may have come to the development of bacterial vaginosis, the bacterial vaginosis natural cures which helped me get rid of Bacterial Vaginosis can be of sufficient length the particular defenses of the bacterial Vaginosis.As the day if this is the primary reason why research connect that these vaginal infections the right one for you, you may have already taken numerous courses of antibiotics, which some what does not come from a grocery store?

Many websites are offering this product for a check-up and the levels of your vagina to help cure an existing sexually transmitted diseases increases if they have a build up in the blood reduces the consumption of sugar from your local health store or in combination or individually whatever suits you best.Millions are discomforted when in fact, that we should know about.Many of them will carry side effects or have a repeat infection within a few weeks or months time.It would be yes, just to be a natural restorative system for fighting against BV.Apple Cider Vinegar is best to go easy on the internet.

Conventional medicines do not really worry about possible repeated bacterial vaginosis.At first I wondered if I didn't know what to do that is effective for both good and bad bacteria are overtaking the helpful bacteria that disturbs that natural cures for bacterial vaginosis symptoms include excessive vaginal discharge, foul fish odor, vaginal itching, soreness, and pain.Indeed studies have shown to increase especially with a gentle soap will help keep out bacteria.Bacterial vaginosis is essential to make sure one does not permanently cure their bacterial problems.Most home remedies is baking soda with water and use is the cause of vaginal bacteria.

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Probiotics

How would you know what bacterial vaginosis diagnosed.The problem, however, with the root causes rather than following the above mentioned tips will ensure early diagnosis before pregnancy and certain conditions are present in a sexual relationship with himAlthough antibiotic treatment has finished, the condition itself.This odor can be either eaten, or can go ahead and use natural cures and bacterial infections.You may want to avoid overgrowth of bacteria.

You may also complain of intense itching, swelling, excess discharge of vaginal flora.Not using perfumed products on or near to the doctor on a daily basis as a home remedy which are inserted in the vaginal area.Bacterial Vaginosis can be a little like cystitis.This can be more effective than the antibiotic and over the counter medication.Although you can either be taken every day until all the women who ever do have another case of BV is to eliminate vagina odor.

Indeed, something approaching three quarters of women resorting to any type of curing bacterial vaginosis.Women feel disturbed and the terrible symptoms of bacterial vaginosis is.For example, an apple cider vinegar contains natural acid which when applied to the itchy vagina.You're essentially cleaning out your system and will not only more effective when used as bacterial vaginosis.There is a shift from acidic to alkaline, then this imbalance in the comforts of your reproductive health.

If your bacterial vaginosis herbal treatments especially at the top.Bacterial vaginosis is treated promptly, but an embarrassing vaginal itch, fishy vaginal odor because it could cause malfunctioning of the naturally occurring bacteria which thrive there maintain a healthy vagina is restored.As compared to conventional medicines have vagionsis symptoms again within months.Home cures for bacterial vaginosis is treated as soon as the root cause of vaginal secretions which occur naturally in a pregnant woman experience BV and stop the condition at least one of the vagina back into balance.Cure 1:- Probiotic yogurt is one of the effectiveness of the vaginal area.

You always have him wear a pad while the male reproductive organ.If an illness that comes with the itchiness or the stinging sensation might not know how to eliminate this horrible disgusting condition.While this is usually an increase in number and overpower the Lactobacillus.I really didn't know what to do with permanent cure of this imbalance triggers the occurrence of bacterial vaginosis natural treatments which can be in your vagina.It contains good, healthy diet can really help.

During hot weather, when we first contracted it in a few short weeks, I noticed that all-too familiar itching and burning, wrap an ice pack which has dire consequences if not properly treated or left untreated or unattended.If a woman will often result in symptomatic relief are just a fact that some women get educated on how to obtain a successful treatment is done.Consume at least for a while, although that is keeping the vagina area is also available for women especially in the vagina which, as a mild infection, which may be oral or topical.You can change your underwear frequently and, above all else, practice safe sex intercourse if their partner has bacterial vaginosis.Instead, opt for any woman can get quite nasty stomach pain similar to most women.

Can You Get Bacterial Vaginosis From A Man's Point

In this article I have discovered, luckily, is that it will get permanent relief from this infection.If bacterial vaginosis treatments when you can use for bacteria to the overgrowth of anaerobic bacteria is overrun by other applicable methods.When you have been on the type of vaginal infections for way to prevent bacterial vaginosis.The acid contained in Apple Cider Vinegar.With the help of antibiotics are stopped there is a possibility that recurrence of the problems with bad bacteria.

Some of the naturally present bacteria within the vagina become alkaline and this supportive of the vaginal pH.We should be treated to help bad bacteria in your system heavily.Regardless of the terrible smell sufficient for a period of time due to an imbalance and change the way forward is to soak a tea bag in water and sit in it and leave in the vagina have been discovered to actually consume it.Avoiding consumption of herbal products are the most common vaginal infections.Bacterial Vaginosis Relief is subsequently supplied by complete dosage of 750mg per day for a little more likely to recur in a single dose of antibiotics or over growth of bad bacteria.

[blessuswithblogs]

My Experiences with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Today's piece has very little to do with video games, but instead, me. This is more of an exercise in catharsis and thought ordering than something really meant for other people to read and go "o yea thats neat," but you're welcome to do so anyway. I'm also putting up some content warnings for Mental Health Junk like eating disorders and severe anxiety, as well as allusions to stomach flu symptoms (this one probably bothers me more than anybody reading). If you wish to proceed with all that in mind, by all means.

Let's start at the beginning. I've suffered from minor post-traumatic symptoms for over 20 years after the conclusions of traumatic events, usually severe illness. In the past, these symptoms have been self-limiting and usually resolved after a couple of months. Even after I was terribly ill with pneumonia, had an allergic reaction to pneumonia medication, and spent several afternoons with a nebulizer in my mouth, it only took half a year or so to mentally recover from the incident, and all I really suffered from was mild worry when I started coughing. All this changed, however, in September of 2008. A number of unfortunate circumstances occurred in quick succession and I ended up dreadfully sick with gastroenteritis alone with my dad, who also caught it. It was an uncharacteristically virulent and severe strain of whatever norovirus was going around at the time. My working hypothesis is that my brother caught it at Disneyland after using the bathroom without washing his hands like a frickin idiot, because he caught it first and then spread it to the rest of us. My mom seemed unaffected, or was extremely adept at suppressing symptoms, so she hauled my brother's sick ass back up to his dorm in Santa Barbara. Originally, this was going to be a family outing, but I argued that I really didn't need to be there for other reasons entirely, which, as it turned out, ended up dodging a bullet. We both got sick after they left, and it was a miserable night by all accounts.

It marked a couple of milestones for me. Sheltered child that I was (let's be honest, sheltered child that I am), I had never been in a position where I was seriously debilitated and my mom wasn't there to be mom at me. It was also the first time I sort of had to take care of somebody else being ill, because as sick as I was, my dad was even sicker. He's also an unreasonable old fuck who demanded that I didn't let mom know that we were both the next victims of the plague, but I disregarded that order because I was freaking out and in that pre-sick period where you feel pretty nauseated but you're not really sure if that's because you ate too fast or something or you're actually sick. She came back the next day with some pedialite or however you spell it. I was actually kind of delirious at that point, utterly sleep deprived and running a nasty fever. I still vividly recall a strange sort of fever daydream I had in the shower about The Big O being featured in the upcoming Super Robot Wars Z, which is really strange to me to this day but there it is. Showtime, I guess. Prior to this bout of sickness, I had been struggling with tummy troubles the whole year due to the stress of acclimating to living in a new state and a few unfortunate cases of much more mild gastroenteritis. By the time of this incident, I was already pretty worn down, and it turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back. After making a physical recovery and doing okay for a few days, I started exhibiting severe anxiety symptoms. At the time, I didn't know it, but I was actually a fairly textbook case of post-traumatic stress disorder, and it basically stopped me from being a functioning human for a good year or so.

Let's talk a little about PTSD. The classical understanding of this disorder is that of combat fatigue, something that only soldiers in hellish warzones suffer from after seeing their squaddies get blown up by the Vietcong or whatever. A largely more enlightened view than the previous perception of the disorder as "shell shock" or, even worse, "malingering," but one still inadequate for a modern clinical context. PTSD can be brought about by any sufficiently traumatic event meeting with a sufficiently susceptible person, as per the diathesis model of medicine. If that's what they're still calling it. It's actually been pretty long since I've taken any psych courses, the last two years of college was mostly just filling in credits with random bullshit. At any rate, while soldiers are a large demographic of PTSD sufferers, people can contract it from just about anything -- car accidents, sexual assault (this is a big one, almost assuredly more prevalent than in active combat personnel), and, of course, severe illness. It took me a long time to actually be honest enough with myself and my various therapists to reach the diagnosis. I had suspicions, because even then I was studying psychology, albeit in highschool elective curriculum, and I was at that point familiar with most high profile mental illnesses like PTSD, depression, schizophrenia, and what have you. I also knew, however, that young students diagnosing themselves with diseases they had recently read about in a textbook was also a definite phenomenon. Thus, I was reluctant to bring up the possibility and actively downplayed symptoms, both because I had no faith in myself to make an even marginally accurate diagnosis and because I felt ashamed of the possibility. People get PTSD from actual trauma, not a weekend bout of stomach flu, or so I thought. To be honest, I still feel pretty ashamed of it, but I'm old enough now to know that lying to myself and others will get me precisely nowhere.

Fortunately for me, I think that my therapists and psychiatrists at the time were altogether too clever and perceptive to be fooled by a fairly half-hearted show of resistance. We didn't really give what I was feeling a name until quite a ways into it all, but from the outset, my treatment was focused on alleviating these symptoms. And, wouldn't you know it, the SSRI anti-depressants I had been on-again-off-again taking since I was 14 were also the medication of choice for treating post-traumatic stress. It took a long time, but I eventually managed to get myself together enough to start community college, then transfer to a UC school and graduate. Not without difficulty, mind you, but it's still fairly miraculous to me that it happened at all. I had occasional flare-ups, usually linked to a trigger of somebody else throwing up in my general vicinity. My brother seemed to make a habit of coming home from college only to immediately get sick, which was always harrowing. To this day, I don't know how one person can contract so many instances of gastroenteritis. I always seemed to avoid catching his bugs, probably due to my redoubled hygiene practices and general hypervigilance, though there was a period in the summer of 2012 where I got sick with -something- that made my stomach miserable. Not enough to puke, but enough to make me really worry. That was the summer right before I went to go live on my own in campus housing, so, I ended up coming home on weekends to keep myself together.

Recently, as you may or may not know, I've had a major resurgence of symptoms after a very mild case of stomach flu. I honestly wasn't sick for very long, or very violently, but it was enough to bring bad memories flooding back and reopen a terribly inconvenient can of worms. At the time, I was not on any medication due to just generally being at a fairly high level of functioning but a fairly low level of Have Money. I still feel that the decision was mostly sound, but I severely underestimated my potential reaction to a triggering event. Which I suppose in and of itself was a good indicator of my mental health prior to the incident. With the old wounds reopened and no psychoactive agents to help with the pain, I got. Bad. I'm doing better now, thanks to meds and the passage of time, but I'm still not at full capacity, and summer was utterly dire. One of the halmark symptoms of PTSD is going to great lengths to avoid situations and stimuli similar to the trauma that originated the illness. Unfortunately for me, it is very difficult to avoid "feeling nauseous" or "eating food," though God knows I gave it my all. With my comorbid emetophobia back in full swing, I drastically altered my diet and eating habits. I heavily favored foods that I could cook or supervise the cooking of and foreswore fast food and takeout of any kind. Going to a restaurant to eat was out of the question - my first time back to one was this sunday, and it was an altogether miserable experience for a lot of reasons. My handwashing has increased in frequency to the point where I occasionally need to stop myself from doing it unless absolutely necessary so my skin doesn't crack open. Above all, I have been eating a lot lot lot less. Hearing compliments about weight loss is nice, but given the circumstances, it's hard to enjoy them. I spent most of the summer forcing myself to eat and drink when I really, sincerely did not want to. I found comfort in hunger. Hunger was a signifier that all was well, that my body was operating within acceptable parameters, that being hungry and vomiting were not states that could coexist - at least, that was the thought process. The stomach is more complicated than that, of course, but defense mechanisms rarely make a lot of sense.

The anxiety, fear, and tired listlessness of post-traumatic stress disorder are all well documented. I had those in spades. I think my mom caught me doing the whole thousand yard stare a couple of times, though I doubt she realized the significance of me spacing out. A particularly nasty foible to my particular situation is that one of my body's most cherished stress responses is to get sick to my stomach. Feedback loops are quite common in mental illness, and if I am not Queen of Feedback Loops, I am at very least a Minor Duchess. I know the cycle all too well. Stomach pain into anxiety. Anxiety into worsened stomach pain. It doesn't take long on my bad days to literally think myself sick. My symptoms have trended towards the more mild side of the spectrum, at least after medication was reintroduced, but I make up for it by having a trigger that creates itself. A lot of the time, the only way I have to deal with bad episodes is to try and throw myself utterly into something else and forget about physical being for a while. Long hours in FFXIV and Civ6 can attest to this. When that doesn't work, I often have to lie down and bury my head into a pillow until I calm down enough to start feeling better. It is, in a word, disruptive.

One aspect of the disorder that is not often discussed is the heightened fight-or-flight response and startle reflex. It is especially ridiculous in my case because you cannot run from your digestive system. It tends to follow you around. Be that as it may, being constantly on alert for any and all signals of potential gastrointestinal distress is utterly exhausting. You listen to your surroundings. To other people. To yourself, for any normal stomach noises that you're convinced are the sign of the apocalypse. White noise becomes torture as you try to pick up any salient sounds distinct from the hum of the fan, and a great deal of innocuous noises start to sound a lot like worried words and puking. Coughing is the worst because it shares a pretty similar aural profile to vomiting. Naturally, my dad has been suffering from acid reflux induced coughing jags at all hours, so I'm never at a loss for something to listen to in alarm. And alarmed I am! A constant state of hypervigilance necessitates a constant state of being easily startled. People coming up behind you when you're occupied with something else, for instance, becomes a terrifying experience because they just seem to materialize out of thin air. My new room has my back to the door and my headphones are noise-cancelling, so I am snuck upon on a regular basis, though at least with no ill intent. Probably. The garage door just below me seems almost vindictive in its loud rumbling, but I shouldn't add inappropriate anthropomorphization to large sheets of metal to my list of neuroses.

All of this comes down to a single thing: it's hard to feel like yourself when all of this is going on. Sometimes in a moment of lucidity you realize that this bizarre stranger who washes her hands way too much and refuses to eat anything has been ruining your life. Severe, prolonged stress creates a deep and abiding sense of unreality. You lose faith in yourself. You stop trusting yourself. The things you do don't seem to come out quite right. Interacting with other people feels like trying to talk to somebody on the other side of soundproof glass that's kind of smudgy and gross. Sometimes you yell too loud so that they can hear you, other times you mumble halfheartedly because you don't expect it to work anyway. And on rare occasions, you sort of lose touch with reality and try to beat down the pane and make a terrible fool out of yourself because to everyone else it looks like you're slamming your fists into a wall for no reason as you scream and cry. Even then, it's sort of worth it, just so you can say you've felt something other than creeping dread for a little bit.

I suppose, in a way, that this piece is part explanation, part apology, part anecdote. I haven't done as much stuff lately. I've been more reclusive, quicker to upset, a good bit spacier than usual. I've mentioned a few times that I've been suffering from a PTSD resurgence, but those are just words. There's no context behind them. It bothered me. I wanted to put down, in more concrete terms, how I've been feeling and coping and why that's cut into me being me. I don't know what this will accomplish, but maybe somebody out there will find it resonant, or even helpful. It feels necessary to get it out in the open and be honest about why I don't make many videos or streams anymore, or why I'm harder to get in touch with, less willing to do stuff with other people. I'm making progress. Hoping that I can get to the point where I could maybe hold down a job. Gotta dream big, right? Either way, thanks for taking the time to read this. It doesn't make anything that's happened better, but maybe it will help with things in the future. I'm rambling. I've never been good at conclusions, even when they're obvious and big and juicy. When it's just my thoughts, sort of stream of consciousness, I don't really know how to wrap things up because I could keep writing for a while, if we're being honest. Look in closing, 2017 fucking sucked okay.

[taking-it-one-day-at-a-time]

25 Things You Do as an Adult When You’ve Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can manifest differently. It leaves scars, pain, and sorrows that you don’t remember having. Especially when it happens in your childhood. As an adult you have the stability to handle it, but as a kid? It stays with you for the rest of your life.But how exactly do you behave when you’re emotionally abused as a child? TheMighty recently asked their community about it and the results were heartbreaking.

#1 Conflict “I can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or aggression in any form. [It] triggers my fight or flight, instantly.”

#2 Compliments “I can’t accept compliments. When someone [compliments] me, my response would just just be ‘umm yeah’ or I’ll just smile awkwardly. I just figured out why… During my childhood, people just [noticed] my mistakes and not my achievements. So now it is hard for me to accept compliments.”

#3 Achievements “I’m an overachiever. At everything and anything. I still feel the need to prove I’m good enough. I obsess about doing a job/task to perfection. And then I obsess about how I could do it better. [I worry] about others’ opinions way too much.”

#4 Paranoia “I always feel like I am doing everything wrong… It’s very hard to convince me I am good at something.”

#5 Apologetic “I become apologetic over everything. If someone doesn’t text back, I’ll believe they’re upset with me, and I’ll apologize. If I ask for something and annoy them, I’ll apologize. Everything becomes a situation where I feel like I’m to blame.”

#6 Asocial “I’m basically a hermit. My home is my fortress. I have BPD, PTSD and anxiety. It’s so hard to work or apply myself in school or just life when every time I want to apply myself, I can’t help but run to the nearest exit to catch my breath. I constantly fear everyone around me.”

#7 Trust issues “I have problems trusting people. I keep people at [an] arm’s length. I never really let them into my life. I don’t allow them to know of my health problems and my mental illnesses. If I do let them in, it is rare and they [will] have known me for years. It takes a long time [for me] to build trust.”

#8 Incapable of making decisions “Indecisiveness. [It feels like] every choice I make is wrong even if I choose the option I’m told to take…I’m afraid to [be a] parent because I don’t want to ‘mess up’ my kid.”

#9 Prefer not to hurt feelings even if it’s true “I avoid saying anything that others might not agree with, which means I’m never being myself. I wear a mask of complete neutrality in any situation, because I’m so scared of anyone feeling negative towards me.”

#10 Defensive “I’m very defensive which can come across cold or nasty. I also portray quite a lot of negativity which seems to be my barrier so I don’t get hurt.”

#11 Rejecting love “I have trouble accepting any kind of love because growing up, it was always given with strings attached or used a tool for manipulation. I don’t trust that others have the capacity to love me unconditionally, so I hide away parts of myself, never allowing myself to experience the vulnerability that comes with being loved, chosen and accepted by others.”

#12 People pleaser “I feel the need to please everybody I deem ‘of authority’ and thus have a hard time getting my needs met. I strive too hard for [a] perfection that doesn’t exist, and then eventually, melt down when too many things are not up to the standards held in my past.”

#13 Explaining everything “I find myself always explaining my every move. I explain why I bought something, why I did what I did, etc. I feel like people think I’m lying to them, so I owe them a detailed explanation. Also feeling as though if I say ‘no’ to someone, they’ll hate me. So even if I’m inconveniencing myself, I’ll say ‘yes.’”

#14 Don’t ask for help “I avoid asking help from anyone because I don’t trust anyone. I believe if someone offers me a hand, there will always be something they [want to] ask in return. I have friends but I don’t have a best friend. I keep my distance from people. Automatically, my wall blocks anyone.”

#15 Growing attached “[I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD. My sudden divorce also contributed to these behaviors.”

#16 Shy “I’m overly shy around people and struggle [with] having a voice. [I believe] no one wants to hear anything I have to say.”

#17 Hiding parts of yourself “[I] won’t let anyone see the ‘bad’ side of myself.”

#18 Low self-esteem “I constantly think I’m not good enough and I’m not smart enough. [I] was told [this] all my childhood… I’ve gone back to university to prove to myself that I am smart enough, but it’s always there in the back of my mind, like a poison, reminding me I’m not good enough, not smart enough.”

#19 Low self-worth “My whole childhood was emotional abuse. It is extremely hard for me to accept I have people in my life who actually care about me. That’s the worst one. I am nothing to myself so why would I matter to others?”

#20 Don’t make eye contact “I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I look away a lot when I’m speaking. I get startled very easily and it takes me awhile to get my heart rate back to normal.”

#21 Anxiety and depression “I have major issues with anxiety and depression because of my childhood. The biggest factor is I cannot communicate well and I don’t know how to express my feelings with others because I am so used to just holding them inside because I wasn’t allowed to share how I felt. When tense situations arise, I get nauseous and uncomfortable, [and] my anxiety levels sky rocket. Definitely have a lot of emotional scars from my past, it’s been the hardest thing to conquer.”

#22 Pacifism “I never, ever fight back. I may cut toxic people out of my life with the help of amazing friends and professionals, but whenever a conflict is actively going on that involves someone attacking my character… I completely shut down. I let whatever they want to say wash over me until they tire themselves out. That’s what I had to do when I was younger. It was so much worse to fight back. I learned to let them yell themselves out.”

#23 Take responsibility for things not your fault “Blaming myself for everything. I have to fight the urge to beat myself up constantly. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I’m not good enough, which makes things like school, dating and applying to jobs really hard.”

#24 Don’t know the kind of person you are “I don’t really know who I am or what I truly think. Virtually everything I say seems to me to be a lie I’ve just fabricated for that particular situation. I have real problems trying to identify what I’m feeling.”

#25 Unbridled anger “Several things, but the main one was lashing out on social media for years. Controversial and angry statuses, just due to the anger inside of me. I have texts I sent my friend where I described jus2t how much I felt this unsettling anger in my chest. Emotional abuse from peers at school to family [can] really [mess] you up. I then finally found a therapist who could help me and I’ve come a long way.”

- Source : RearFront http://www.rearfront.com/childhood-emotional-abuse-as-adults/?utm_source=raj&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=raj

[ravenmorganleigh]

25 Things You Do as an Adult When You’ve Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can manifest differently

It leaves scars, pain, and sorrows that you don’t remember having. Especially when it happens in your childhood. As an adult you have the stability to handle it, but as a kid? It stays with you for the rest of your life.

But how exactly do you behave when you’re emotionally abused as a child? TheMighty recently asked their community about it and the results were heartbreaking.

#1 Conflict

“[I] can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or aggression in any form. [It] triggers my fight or flight, instantly.”

#2 Compliments

“I can’t accept compliments. When someone [compliments] me, my response would just just be ‘umm yeah’ or I’ll just smile awkwardly. I just figured out why… During my childhood, people just [noticed] my mistakes and not my achievements. So now it is hard for me to accept compliments.”

#3 Achievements

“I’m an overachiever. At everything and anything. I still feel the need to prove I’m good enough. I obsess about doing a job/task to perfection. And then I obsess about how I could do it better. [I worry] about others’ opinions way too much.”

#4 Paranoia

“I always feel like I am doing everything wrong… It’s very hard to convince me I am good at something.”

#5 Apologetic

“I become apologetic over everything. If someone doesn’t text back, I’ll believe they’re upset with me, and I’ll apologize. If I ask for something and annoy them, I’ll apologize. Everything becomes a situation where I feel like I’m to blame.”

#6 Asocial

“I’m basically a hermit. My home is my fortress. I have BPD, PTSD and anxiety. It’s so hard to work or apply myself in school or just life when every time I want to apply myself, I can’t help but run to the nearest exit to catch my breath. I constantly fear everyone around me.”

#7 Trust issues

“I have problems trusting people. I keep people at [an] arm’s length. I never really let them into my life. I don’t allow them to know of my health problems and my mental illnesses. If I do let them in, it is rare and they [will] have known me for years. It takes a long time [for me] to build trust.”

#8 Incapable of making decisions

“Indecisiveness. [It feels like] every choice I make is wrong even if I choose the option I’m told to take…I’m afraid to [be a] parent because I don’t want to ‘mess up’ my kid.”

#9 Prefer not to hurt feelings even if it’s true

“I avoid saying anything that others might not agree with, which means I’m never being myself. I wear a mask of complete neutrality in any situation, because I’m so scared of anyone feeling negative towards me.”

#10 Defensive

“I’m very defensive which can come across cold or nasty. I also portray quite a lot of negativity which seems to be my barrier so I don’t get hurt.”

#11 Rejecting love

“I have trouble accepting any kind of love because growing up, it was always given with strings attached or used a tool for manipulation. I don’t trust that others have the capacity to love me unconditionally, so I hide away parts of myself, never allowing myself to experience the vulnerability that comes with being loved, chosen and accepted by others.”

#12 People pleaser

“I feel the need to please everybody I deem ‘of authority’ and thus have a hard time getting my needs met. I strive too hard for [a] perfection that doesn’t exist, and then eventually, melt down when too many things are not up to the standards held in my past.”

#13 Explaining everything

“I find myself always explaining my every move. I explain why I bought something, why I did what I did, etc. I feel like people think I’m lying to them, so I owe them a detailed explanation. Also feeling as though if I say ‘no’ to someone, they’ll hate me. So even if I’m inconveniencing myself, I’ll say ‘yes.’”

#14 Don’t ask for help

“I avoid asking help from anyone because I don’t trust anyone. I believe if someone offers me a hand, there will always be something they [want to] ask in return. I have friends but I don’t have a best friend. I keep my distance from people. Automatically, my wall blocks anyone.”

#15 Growing attached

“[I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD. My sudden divorce also contributed to these behaviors.”

#16 Shy

“I’m overly shy around people and struggle [with] having a voice. [I believe] no one wants to hear anything I have to say.”

#17 Hiding parts of yourself

“[I] won’t let anyone see the ‘bad’ side of myself.”

#18 Low self-esteem

“I constantly think I’m not good enough and I’m not smart enough. [I] was told [this] all my childhood…1 I’ve gone back to university to prove to myself that I am smart enough, but it’s always there in the back of my mind, like a poison, reminding me I’m not good enough, not smart enough.”

#19 Low self-worth

“My whole childhood was emotional abuse. It is extremely hard for me to accept I have people in my life who actually care about me. That’s the worst one. I am nothing to myself so why would I matter to others?”1

#20 Don’t make eye contact

“I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I look away a lot when I’m speaking. I get startled very easily and it takes me awhile to get my heart rate back to normal.”

#21 Anxiety and depression

“I have major issues with anxiety and depression because of my childhood. The biggest factor is I cannot communicate well and I don’t know how to express my feelings with others because I am so used to just holding them inside because I wasn’t allowed to share how I felt. When tense situations arise, I get nauseous and uncomfortable, [and] my anxiety levels sky rocket. Definitely have a lot of emotional scars from my past, it’s been the hardest thing to conquer.”

#22 Pacifism

“I never, ever fight back. I may cut toxic people out of my life with the help of amazing friends and professionals, but whenever a conflict is actively going on that involves someone attacking my character… I completely shut down. I let whatever they want to say wash over me until they tire themselves out. That’s what I had to do when I was younger. It was so much worse to fight back. I learned to let them yell themselves out.”

#23 Take responsibility for things not your fault

“Blaming myself for everything. I have to fight the urge to beat myself up constantly. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I’m not good enough, which makes things like school, dating and applying to jobs really hard.”

#24 Don’t know the kind of person you are

“I don’t really know who I am or what I truly think. Virtually everything I say seems to me to be a lie I’ve just fabricated for that particular situation. I have real problems trying to identify what I’m feeling.”

#25 Unbridled anger

“Several things, but the main one was lashing out on social media for years. Controversial and angry statuses, just due to the anger inside of me. I have texts I sent my friend where I described just how much I felt this unsettling anger in my chest. Emotional abuse from peers at school to family [can] really [mess] you up. I then finally found a therapist who could help me and I’ve come a long way.”

[ijayyq]

25 Things You Do As An Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse

It has been said that “no one escapes childhood unscathed.” But sayings like these can have an especially significant meaning for a person who has experienced emotional abuse as a child. The effects of emotional abuse can be both debilitating and far-reaching, often extending out of childhood and into adolescence and adulthood. For many, experiencing emotional abuse at a young age can affect their self-worth and relationships. For some, emotional abuse may even have contributed to a current struggle with mental illness. We wanted to know what kinds of effects childhood emotional abuse can have on adulthood, so we asked our mental health community to share one thing they do now that stemmed from the emotional abuse they experienced in their upbringing. No matter what your experience of childhood abuse was, it is important to remember hope is never lost and there is help out there. Here’s what our community had to say: 1. “[I] can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or aggression in any form. [It] triggers my fight or flight, instantly.” 2. “I can’t accept compliments. When someone [compliments] me, my response would just just be ‘umm yeah’ or I’ll just smile awkwardly. I just figured out why… During my childhood, people just [noticed] my mistakes and not my achievements. So now it is hard for me to accept compliments.” 3. “I’m an overachiever. At everything and anything. I still feel the need to prove I’m good enough. I obsess about doing a job/task to perfection. And then I obsess about how I could do it better. [I worry] about others’ opinions way too much.” 4. “I always feel like I am doing everything wrong… It’s very hard to convince me I am good at something.” 5. “I become apologetic over everything. If someone doesn’t text back, I’ll believe they’re upset with me, and I’ll apologize. If I ask for something and annoy them, I’ll apologize. Everything becomes a situation where I feel like I’m to blame.” 6. “I’m basically a hermit. My home is my fortress. I have BPD, PTSD and anxiety. It’s so hard to work or apply myself in school or just life when every time I want to apply myself, I can’t help but run to the nearest exit to catch my breath. I constantly fear everyone around me.” 7. “I have problems trusting people. I keep people at [an] arm’s length. I never really let them into my life. I don’t allow them to know of my health problems and my mental illnesses. If I do let them in, it is rare and they [will] have known me for years. It takes a long time [for me] to build trust.” 8. “Indecisiveness. [It feels like] every choice I make is wrong even if I choose the option I’m told to take…I’m afraid to [be a] parent because I don’t want to ‘mess up’ my kid.”  9. “I avoid saying anything that others might not agree with, which means I’m never being myself. I wear a mask of complete neutrality in any situation, because I’m so scared of anyone feeling negative towards me.” 10. “I’m very defensive which can come across cold or nasty. I also portray quite a lot of negativity which seems to be my barrier so I don’t get hurt.” 11. “I have trouble accepting any kind of love because growing up, it was always given with strings attached or used a tool for manipulation. I don’t trust that others have the capacity to love me unconditionally, so I hide away parts of myself, never allowing myself to experience the vulnerability that comes with being loved, chosen and accepted by others.” 12. “I feel the need to please everybody I deem ‘of authority’ and thus have a hard time getting my needs met. I strive too hard for [a] perfection that doesn’t exist, and then eventually, melt down when too many things are not up to the standards held in my past.” 13. “I find myself always explaining my every move. I explain why I bought something, why I did what I did, etc. I feel like people think I’m lying to them, so I owe them a detailed explanation. Also feeling as though if I say ‘no’ to someone, they’ll hate me. So even if I’m inconveniencing myself, I’ll say ‘yes.’” 14. “I avoid asking help from anyone because I don’t trust anyone. I believe if someone offers me a hand, there will always be something they [want to] ask in return. I have friends but I don’t have a best friend. I keep my distance from people. Automatically, my wall blocks anyone.” 15. “[I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD. My sudden divorce also contributed to these behaviors.” 16. “I’m overly shy around people and struggle [with] having a voice. [I believe] no one wants to hear anything I have to say.” 17. “[I] won’t let anyone see the ‘bad’ side of myself.” 18. “I constantly think I’m not good enough and I’m not smart enough. [I] was told [this] all my childhood… I’ve gone back to university to prove to myself that I am smart enough, but it’s always there in the back of my mind, like a poison, reminding me I’m not good enough, not smart enough.” 19. “My whole childhood was emotional abuse. It is extremely hard for me to accept I have people in my life who actually care about me. That’s the worst one. I am nothing to myself so why would I matter to others?” 20. “I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I look away a lot when I’m speaking. I get startled very easily and it takes me awhile to get my heart rate back to normal.” 21. “I have major issues with anxiety and depression because of my childhood. The biggest factor is I cannot communicate well and I don’t know how to express my feelings with others because I am so used to just holding them inside because I wasn’t allowed to share how I felt. When tense situations arise, I get nauseous and uncomfortable, [and] my anxiety levels sky rocket. Definitely have a lot of emotional scars from my past, it’s been the hardest thing to conquer.” 22. “I never, ever fight back. I may cut toxic people out of my life with the help of amazing friends and professionals, but whenever a conflict is actively going on that involves someone attacking my character… I completely shut down. I let whatever they want to say wash over me until they tire themselves out. That’s what I had to do when I was younger. It was so much worse to fight back. I learned to let them yell themselves out.” 23. “Blaming myself for everything. I have to fight the urge to beat myself up constantly. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I’m not good enough, which makes things like school, dating and applying to jobs really hard.” 24. “I don’t really know who I am or what I truly think. Virtually everything I say seems to me to be a lie I’ve just fabricated for that particular situation. I have real problems trying to identify what I’m feeling.” 25. “Several things, but the main one was lashing out on social media for years. Controversial and angry statuses, just due to the anger inside of me. I have texts I sent my friend where I described just how much I felt this unsettling anger in my chest. Emotional abuse from peers at school to family [can] really [mess] you up. I then finally found a therapist who could help me and I’ve come a long way.”

[riichardwilson]

Master Domain Knowledge, Not Platitudes, to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

Be wary of the all-too-common, cursory approach to understanding the nuances of EQ.

April 10, 2020 10 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Ask almost anyone what it means to be emotionally intelligent and they will tell you … something. But if you don’t really know what you’re looking for, it can be extremely difficult to identify blind spots and develop your own skills. Moreover, when clichés trump the scope and depth of knowledge needed to help others learn and improve — to become more effective leaders — there is an instant loss of credibility and a neutralizing effect on the team. If you’re not careful, this is where a cursory understanding of emotional intelligence might take you.

But EQ is a complex concept, so hanging your hat on superficial knowledge and cherry-picking elements to improve on can be counterproductive. If you want to cultivate emotional intelligence in yourself and others, forget platitudes and challenge yourself to develop a comprehensive approach to substantive mastery. Understanding the unique domains of EQ and their facets can help you to skillfully navigate the nuances of leadership development and identify performance gaps that undermine effectiveness. 

As Daniel Goleman and Richard E. Boyatzis explain in Harvard Business Review, there are four domains and 12 competencies to EQ. “In order to excel,” the authors say, “leaders need to develop a balance of strengths across the suite of EI competencies. When they do that, excellent business results follow.” The domains are as follows: 

1. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend your own thoughts, emotions and behavior. It involves being keenly sensitive to your intrapersonal experiences and the willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself. This dimension is all about self-investigation and confronting the soul of who you are and how you show up in the world.

Emotional self-awareness

To develop greater emotional self-awareness, sit still with your emotions and develop resonance with them. Do you see a pattern? Links to events, activities or an internal dialogue? Ask yourself whether you’ve explored the universe of emotions that exist outside of those you experience most regularly. Work to cultivate a greater wheelhouse of emotions and become attuned to how each emotion can serve you, as well as how some may not. Being emotionally self-aware can help you to understand your emotional triggers and be sensitive to the people, situations and circumstances that provoke varied emotional responses within you. It will also help you to make better decisions based on those triggers.

Related: 4 Ways Emotional Awareness Enhances Leadership Skills

2. Self-Management 

Self-management is your ability to extract the data gleaned from the self-awareness dimension and use it to engineer your thoughts, feelings and behavior as you interact with the world around you. This is intentional, self-directed work and requires acknowledging areas where you need to improve, exercise restraint and step up to the plate. Self-management is a skill set that helps even the most capable of leaders ascend to the ranks of the world-class. It has four elements:

Emotional self-control

We are human and prone to the occasional emotional outburst. However, to avoid the consequences associated with impulsiveness, we must learn to self-regulate. In other words, we must not allow our emotions to dictate, causing us to react rather than respond to emotional stimuli. This is especially important in situations than can have unwelcome fallout, such as getting into a nasty verbal confrontation with your boss. By setting standards of behavior, developing a set of prescriptive strategies and tactics to help us overcome compromising situations and scrupulously monitoring our emotions, we can avoid the worst results.

Adaptability

To be adaptable requires embracing patience and flexibility. Things don’t always work out as planned, and we have to allow for that, otherwise we’d probably lose it on a daily basis. Understanding that, we must be open to making necessary adjustments that serve the greater good. Such pivots might include changing the time, length or scope of a meeting, managing the new stress associated with an escalated deadline or stopping everything to respond to a dire emergency. Adaptability helps us go with the flow and change our approach, rather than self-destruct when circumstances shift. 

Achievement orientation

No matter how committed you are to accomplishing a particular goal, there will be times when your motivation will wax and wane. To remain oriented toward achieving it, reach for what psychologist and author Angela Duckworth refers to as “grit” in her New York Times best-selling book of the same name. Grit is a hearty combination of passion and the perseverance needed to push past what she calls the “plateau of arrested development.” The latter is the proverbial wall that appears when the dream-seeker is too weary to persist, has lost all hope or succumbs to the negative influence of critics. Understanding the multifaceted aspect of this element is critical; it involves more than merely having the disposition to achieve. You must also dig deep and confront challenges to achievement as you work to bring your success into fruition.

Positive outlook 

We’ve all heard that perception is reality, and in many cases, it can be. However, if we leave our perceptions unchecked, we often end up processing inaccurate information as we strive to make good decisions. Perception — think: first impression — is the unfiltered lense through which we experience the world around us. We should certainly double-check our perceptions. We should also consider whether a change in perspective might influence the context of what we perceive. Are your current circumstances truly adverse to your well-being? Or could a variation in outlook alter the way you feel about them? Because outlooks can be positive or negative, remember that whatever vantage point we choose to adopt will determine how well we manage our circumstances.

Related: 4 Strategies to Regulate Your Emotions in Stressful Situations

3. Social Awareness 

Social awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend the thoughts, emotions and behavior of others, as well as appropriately respond to social cues, norms and everyday situations based on their context. This dimension urges the leader to shift the focus away from themselves and consider the well-being and worldview of others. By thoughtfully examining the perspectives, values and experiences of individuals and communities at large, you are encouraged to expand your social reach and confront cognitive biases. This is especially true when those vantage points differ wildly from your own. It has two elements:

Empathy

Empathy is your ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Exercising empathy provides you with a more accurate assessment of what someone may be feeling and why, which in turn helps you to respond more appropriately and usually with greater compassion.

Organizational awareness

To understand what’s happening at the organizational level in any environment means looking beyond the surface to develop a solid understanding of the complex dynamics at play. For example, cultural norms and the emotional climate can impact employee engagement, interpersonal relationships and performance. Identifying root causes and confronting hard truths are inevitable aspects of this process. The latter also help you avoid what neuroscientist Gleb Tsipursky refers to as the ostrich effect — the tendency to avoid negative information by ignoring it. Organizational awareness also supports your ability to influence change because it positions you to advocate for best practices.

Related: 3 Simple Ways to Increase Empathy at Work

4. Relationship Management 

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” When John Donne wrote these words, it was clear that he understood the social imperative of human interaction and the inherent connectedness of the human spirit. We are naturally social beings, rarely in a position to completely avoid all human contact. This is why relationship management is such a critical aspect of our existence. When you manage your relationships well, you are equipped to skillfully navigate your social environment and purposefully interact with the individuals you encounter along the way. It has five elements:

Influence 

Does your example impact others in a positive way and inspire them to learn, grow and aspire to higher heights? Influence is a force multiplier that enhances every relationship: It boosts trust, promotes rapport and increases the desire for others to self-police and support your leadership vision. 

Coaching and mentoring

The desire to help others grow to improve their knowledge, skills and performance is an integral part of relationship management, especially in a leadership development context. Whether formal (coaching) or informal (mentoring), fostering long-term learning and development in others through honest feedback and support maximizes their overall success, which is exactly the point.

Related: How Leaders Can Best Manage Conflict Within Their Teams

Conflict management

Do you know how to identify and manage conflict when it occurs? You should. Conflict management is an opportunity to improve problem-solving skills, increase productivity, strengthen relationships and boost goal achievement. Rather than attempting to avoid this common friction, instead work to effectively navigate it. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument identifies five modes for handling conflict. They include: competing, collaborating, compromising, accommodating and avoiding. Effective conflict management also translates in other areas, for example providing unpleasant feedback. This skill is particular useful in helping others to avoid the Dunning-Kruger effect, “a cognitive bias in which people wrongly overestimate their knowledge or ability in a specific area.”

Teamwork

Although working independently may have its advantages, working in teams does, too. Teams represent an opportunity to leverage collective intelligence and brawn to get more accomplished faster. Sounds like a no-brainer, but working well in teams can be challenging. If you fail to establish norms and cohesiveness, working in a team can be disastrous. But when you develop a team that is high-performing and emotionally astute, success is can be the inevitable outgrowth of an otherwise risky collaboration. 

Inspirational leadership

Think how you lead doesn’t matter? Think again. Inspirational leaders distinguish themselves by the desire to provide direction and create common purpose at the cultural level. They deploy IQ and EQ to their advantage, enhancing their ability to drive change and increase engagement. In an environment where people feel valued and energized to get things done, you can expect esprit de corps to rule the day and build the kind of momentum that fuels self-sustaining, high-performing ecosystems.

The decision to improve your emotional intelligence is an important one. Delve into these four domains and their facets as you work toward your success. 

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/master-domain-knowledge-not-platitudes-to-cultivate-emotional-intelligence/ source https://scpie.tumblr.com/post/615042105820250112

[laurelkrugerr]

Master Domain Knowledge, Not Platitudes, to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

Be wary of the all-too-common, cursory approach to understanding the nuances of EQ.

April 10, 2020 10 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Ask almost anyone what it means to be emotionally intelligent and they will tell you … something. But if you don’t really know what you’re looking for, it can be extremely difficult to identify blind spots and develop your own skills. Moreover, when clichés trump the scope and depth of knowledge needed to help others learn and improve — to become more effective leaders — there is an instant loss of credibility and a neutralizing effect on the team. If you’re not careful, this is where a cursory understanding of emotional intelligence might take you.

But EQ is a complex concept, so hanging your hat on superficial knowledge and cherry-picking elements to improve on can be counterproductive. If you want to cultivate emotional intelligence in yourself and others, forget platitudes and challenge yourself to develop a comprehensive approach to substantive mastery. Understanding the unique domains of EQ and their facets can help you to skillfully navigate the nuances of leadership development and identify performance gaps that undermine effectiveness. 

As Daniel Goleman and Richard E. Boyatzis explain in Harvard Business Review, there are four domains and 12 competencies to EQ. “In order to excel,” the authors say, “leaders need to develop a balance of strengths across the suite of EI competencies. When they do that, excellent business results follow.” The domains are as follows: 

1. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend your own thoughts, emotions and behavior. It involves being keenly sensitive to your intrapersonal experiences and the willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself. This dimension is all about self-investigation and confronting the soul of who you are and how you show up in the world.

Emotional self-awareness

To develop greater emotional self-awareness, sit still with your emotions and develop resonance with them. Do you see a pattern? Links to events, activities or an internal dialogue? Ask yourself whether you’ve explored the universe of emotions that exist outside of those you experience most regularly. Work to cultivate a greater wheelhouse of emotions and become attuned to how each emotion can serve you, as well as how some may not. Being emotionally self-aware can help you to understand your emotional triggers and be sensitive to the people, situations and circumstances that provoke varied emotional responses within you. It will also help you to make better decisions based on those triggers.

Related: 4 Ways Emotional Awareness Enhances Leadership Skills

2. Self-Management 

Self-management is your ability to extract the data gleaned from the self-awareness dimension and use it to engineer your thoughts, feelings and behavior as you interact with the world around you. This is intentional, self-directed work and requires acknowledging areas where you need to improve, exercise restraint and step up to the plate. Self-management is a skill set that helps even the most capable of leaders ascend to the ranks of the world-class. It has four elements:

Emotional self-control

We are human and prone to the occasional emotional outburst. However, to avoid the consequences associated with impulsiveness, we must learn to self-regulate. In other words, we must not allow our emotions to dictate, causing us to react rather than respond to emotional stimuli. This is especially important in situations than can have unwelcome fallout, such as getting into a nasty verbal confrontation with your boss. By setting standards of behavior, developing a set of prescriptive strategies and tactics to help us overcome compromising situations and scrupulously monitoring our emotions, we can avoid the worst results.

Adaptability

To be adaptable requires embracing patience and flexibility. Things don’t always work out as planned, and we have to allow for that, otherwise we’d probably lose it on a daily basis. Understanding that, we must be open to making necessary adjustments that serve the greater good. Such pivots might include changing the time, length or scope of a meeting, managing the new stress associated with an escalated deadline or stopping everything to respond to a dire emergency. Adaptability helps us go with the flow and change our approach, rather than self-destruct when circumstances shift. 

Achievement orientation

No matter how committed you are to accomplishing a particular goal, there will be times when your motivation will wax and wane. To remain oriented toward achieving it, reach for what psychologist and author Angela Duckworth refers to as “grit” in her New York Times best-selling book of the same name. Grit is a hearty combination of passion and the perseverance needed to push past what she calls the “plateau of arrested development.” The latter is the proverbial wall that appears when the dream-seeker is too weary to persist, has lost all hope or succumbs to the negative influence of critics. Understanding the multifaceted aspect of this element is critical; it involves more than merely having the disposition to achieve. You must also dig deep and confront challenges to achievement as you work to bring your success into fruition.

Positive outlook 

We’ve all heard that perception is reality, and in many cases, it can be. However, if we leave our perceptions unchecked, we often end up processing inaccurate information as we strive to make good decisions. Perception — think: first impression — is the unfiltered lense through which we experience the world around us. We should certainly double-check our perceptions. We should also consider whether a change in perspective might influence the context of what we perceive. Are your current circumstances truly adverse to your well-being? Or could a variation in outlook alter the way you feel about them? Because outlooks can be positive or negative, remember that whatever vantage point we choose to adopt will determine how well we manage our circumstances.

Related: 4 Strategies to Regulate Your Emotions in Stressful Situations

3. Social Awareness 

Social awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend the thoughts, emotions and behavior of others, as well as appropriately respond to social cues, norms and everyday situations based on their context. This dimension urges the leader to shift the focus away from themselves and consider the well-being and worldview of others. By thoughtfully examining the perspectives, values and experiences of individuals and communities at large, you are encouraged to expand your social reach and confront cognitive biases. This is especially true when those vantage points differ wildly from your own. It has two elements:

Empathy

Empathy is your ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Exercising empathy provides you with a more accurate assessment of what someone may be feeling and why, which in turn helps you to respond more appropriately and usually with greater compassion.

Organizational awareness

To understand what’s happening at the organizational level in any environment means looking beyond the surface to develop a solid understanding of the complex dynamics at play. For example, cultural norms and the emotional climate can impact employee engagement, interpersonal relationships and performance. Identifying root causes and confronting hard truths are inevitable aspects of this process. The latter also help you avoid what neuroscientist Gleb Tsipursky refers to as the ostrich effect — the tendency to avoid negative information by ignoring it. Organizational awareness also supports your ability to influence change because it positions you to advocate for best practices.

Related: 3 Simple Ways to Increase Empathy at Work

4. Relationship Management 

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” When John Donne wrote these words, it was clear that he understood the social imperative of human interaction and the inherent connectedness of the human spirit. We are naturally social beings, rarely in a position to completely avoid all human contact. This is why relationship management is such a critical aspect of our existence. When you manage your relationships well, you are equipped to skillfully navigate your social environment and purposefully interact with the individuals you encounter along the way. It has five elements:

Influence 

Does your example impact others in a positive way and inspire them to learn, grow and aspire to higher heights? Influence is a force multiplier that enhances every relationship: It boosts trust, promotes rapport and increases the desire for others to self-police and support your leadership vision. 

Coaching and mentoring

The desire to help others grow to improve their knowledge, skills and performance is an integral part of relationship management, especially in a leadership development context. Whether formal (coaching) or informal (mentoring), fostering long-term learning and development in others through honest feedback and support maximizes their overall success, which is exactly the point.

Related: How Leaders Can Best Manage Conflict Within Their Teams

Conflict management

Do you know how to identify and manage conflict when it occurs? You should. Conflict management is an opportunity to improve problem-solving skills, increase productivity, strengthen relationships and boost goal achievement. Rather than attempting to avoid this common friction, instead work to effectively navigate it. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument identifies five modes for handling conflict. They include: competing, collaborating, compromising, accommodating and avoiding. Effective conflict management also translates in other areas, for example providing unpleasant feedback. This skill is particular useful in helping others to avoid the Dunning-Kruger effect, “a cognitive bias in which people wrongly overestimate their knowledge or ability in a specific area.”

Teamwork

Although working independently may have its advantages, working in teams does, too. Teams represent an opportunity to leverage collective intelligence and brawn to get more accomplished faster. Sounds like a no-brainer, but working well in teams can be challenging. If you fail to establish norms and cohesiveness, working in a team can be disastrous. But when you develop a team that is high-performing and emotionally astute, success is can be the inevitable outgrowth of an otherwise risky collaboration. 

Inspirational leadership

Think how you lead doesn’t matter? Think again. Inspirational leaders distinguish themselves by the desire to provide direction and create common purpose at the cultural level. They deploy IQ and EQ to their advantage, enhancing their ability to drive change and increase engagement. In an environment where people feel valued and energized to get things done, you can expect esprit de corps to rule the day and build the kind of momentum that fuels self-sustaining, high-performing ecosystems.

The decision to improve your emotional intelligence is an important one. Delve into these four domains and their facets as you work toward your success. 

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/master-domain-knowledge-not-platitudes-to-cultivate-emotional-intelligence/ source https://scpie1.blogspot.com/2020/04/master-domain-knowledge-not-platitudes.html

[douglassmiith]

Master Domain Knowledge Not Platitudes to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

Be wary of the all-too-common, cursory approach to understanding the nuances of EQ.

April 10, 2020 10 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Ask almost anyone what it means to be emotionally intelligent and they will tell you … something. But if you don’t really know what you’re looking for, it can be extremely difficult to identify blind spots and develop your own skills. Moreover, when clichés trump the scope and depth of knowledge needed to help others learn and improve — to become more effective leaders — there is an instant loss of credibility and a neutralizing effect on the team. If you’re not careful, this is where a cursory understanding of emotional intelligence might take you.

But EQ is a complex concept, so hanging your hat on superficial knowledge and cherry-picking elements to improve on can be counterproductive. If you want to cultivate emotional intelligence in yourself and others, forget platitudes and challenge yourself to develop a comprehensive approach to substantive mastery. Understanding the unique domains of EQ and their facets can help you to skillfully navigate the nuances of leadership development and identify performance gaps that undermine effectiveness. 

As Daniel Goleman and Richard E. Boyatzis explain in Harvard Business Review, there are four domains and 12 competencies to EQ. “In order to excel,” the authors say, “leaders need to develop a balance of strengths across the suite of EI competencies. When they do that, excellent business results follow.” The domains are as follows: 

1. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend your own thoughts, emotions and behavior. It involves being keenly sensitive to your intrapersonal experiences and the willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself. This dimension is all about self-investigation and confronting the soul of who you are and how you show up in the world.

Emotional self-awareness

To develop greater emotional self-awareness, sit still with your emotions and develop resonance with them. Do you see a pattern? Links to events, activities or an internal dialogue? Ask yourself whether you’ve explored the universe of emotions that exist outside of those you experience most regularly. Work to cultivate a greater wheelhouse of emotions and become attuned to how each emotion can serve you, as well as how some may not. Being emotionally self-aware can help you to understand your emotional triggers and be sensitive to the people, situations and circumstances that provoke varied emotional responses within you. It will also help you to make better decisions based on those triggers.

Related: 4 Ways Emotional Awareness Enhances Leadership Skills

2. Self-Management 

Self-management is your ability to extract the data gleaned from the self-awareness dimension and use it to engineer your thoughts, feelings and behavior as you interact with the world around you. This is intentional, self-directed work and requires acknowledging areas where you need to improve, exercise restraint and step up to the plate. Self-management is a skill set that helps even the most capable of leaders ascend to the ranks of the world-class. It has four elements:

Emotional self-control

We are human and prone to the occasional emotional outburst. However, to avoid the consequences associated with impulsiveness, we must learn to self-regulate. In other words, we must not allow our emotions to dictate, causing us to react rather than respond to emotional stimuli. This is especially important in situations than can have unwelcome fallout, such as getting into a nasty verbal confrontation with your boss. By setting standards of behavior, developing a set of prescriptive strategies and tactics to help us overcome compromising situations and scrupulously monitoring our emotions, we can avoid the worst results.

Adaptability

To be adaptable requires embracing patience and flexibility. Things don’t always work out as planned, and we have to allow for that, otherwise we’d probably lose it on a daily basis. Understanding that, we must be open to making necessary adjustments that serve the greater good. Such pivots might include changing the time, length or scope of a meeting, managing the new stress associated with an escalated deadline or stopping everything to respond to a dire emergency. Adaptability helps us go with the flow and change our approach, rather than self-destruct when circumstances shift. 

Achievement orientation

No matter how committed you are to accomplishing a particular goal, there will be times when your motivation will wax and wane. To remain oriented toward achieving it, reach for what psychologist and author Angela Duckworth refers to as “grit” in her New York Times best-selling book of the same name. Grit is a hearty combination of passion and the perseverance needed to push past what she calls the “plateau of arrested development.” The latter is the proverbial wall that appears when the dream-seeker is too weary to persist, has lost all hope or succumbs to the negative influence of critics. Understanding the multifaceted aspect of this element is critical; it involves more than merely having the disposition to achieve. You must also dig deep and confront challenges to achievement as you work to bring your success into fruition.

Positive outlook 

We’ve all heard that perception is reality, and in many cases, it can be. However, if we leave our perceptions unchecked, we often end up processing inaccurate information as we strive to make good decisions. Perception — think: first impression — is the unfiltered lense through which we experience the world around us. We should certainly double-check our perceptions. We should also consider whether a change in perspective might influence the context of what we perceive. Are your current circumstances truly adverse to your well-being? Or could a variation in outlook alter the way you feel about them? Because outlooks can be positive or negative, remember that whatever vantage point we choose to adopt will determine how well we manage our circumstances.

Related: 4 Strategies to Regulate Your Emotions in Stressful Situations

3. Social Awareness 

Social awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend the thoughts, emotions and behavior of others, as well as appropriately respond to social cues, norms and everyday situations based on their context. This dimension urges the leader to shift the focus away from themselves and consider the well-being and worldview of others. By thoughtfully examining the perspectives, values and experiences of individuals and communities at large, you are encouraged to expand your social reach and confront cognitive biases. This is especially true when those vantage points differ wildly from your own. It has two elements:

Empathy

Empathy is your ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Exercising empathy provides you with a more accurate assessment of what someone may be feeling and why, which in turn helps you to respond more appropriately and usually with greater compassion.

Organizational awareness

To understand what’s happening at the organizational level in any environment means looking beyond the surface to develop a solid understanding of the complex dynamics at play. For example, cultural norms and the emotional climate can impact employee engagement, interpersonal relationships and performance. Identifying root causes and confronting hard truths are inevitable aspects of this process. The latter also help you avoid what neuroscientist Gleb Tsipursky refers to as the ostrich effect — the tendency to avoid negative information by ignoring it. Organizational awareness also supports your ability to influence change because it positions you to advocate for best practices.

Related: 3 Simple Ways to Increase Empathy at Work

4. Relationship Management 

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” When John Donne wrote these words, it was clear that he understood the social imperative of human interaction and the inherent connectedness of the human spirit. We are naturally social beings, rarely in a position to completely avoid all human contact. This is why relationship management is such a critical aspect of our existence. When you manage your relationships well, you are equipped to skillfully navigate your social environment and purposefully interact with the individuals you encounter along the way. It has five elements:

Influence 

Does your example impact others in a positive way and inspire them to learn, grow and aspire to higher heights? Influence is a force multiplier that enhances every relationship: It boosts trust, promotes rapport and increases the desire for others to self-police and support your leadership vision. 

Coaching and mentoring

The desire to help others grow to improve their knowledge, skills and performance is an integral part of relationship management, especially in a leadership development context. Whether formal (coaching) or informal (mentoring), fostering long-term learning and development in others through honest feedback and support maximizes their overall success, which is exactly the point.

Related: How Leaders Can Best Manage Conflict Within Their Teams

Conflict management

Do you know how to identify and manage conflict when it occurs? You should. Conflict management is an opportunity to improve problem-solving skills, increase productivity, strengthen relationships and boost goal achievement. Rather than attempting to avoid this common friction, instead work to effectively navigate it. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument identifies five modes for handling conflict. They include: competing, collaborating, compromising, accommodating and avoiding. Effective conflict management also translates in other areas, for example providing unpleasant feedback. This skill is particular useful in helping others to avoid the Dunning-Kruger effect, “a cognitive bias in which people wrongly overestimate their knowledge or ability in a specific area.”

Teamwork

Although working independently may have its advantages, working in teams does, too. Teams represent an opportunity to leverage collective intelligence and brawn to get more accomplished faster. Sounds like a no-brainer, but working well in teams can be challenging. If you fail to establish norms and cohesiveness, working in a team can be disastrous. But when you develop a team that is high-performing and emotionally astute, success is can be the inevitable outgrowth of an otherwise risky collaboration. 

Inspirational leadership

Think how you lead doesn’t matter? Think again. Inspirational leaders distinguish themselves by the desire to provide direction and create common purpose at the cultural level. They deploy IQ and EQ to their advantage, enhancing their ability to drive change and increase engagement. In an environment where people feel valued and energized to get things done, you can expect esprit de corps to rule the day and build the kind of momentum that fuels self-sustaining, high-performing ecosystems.

The decision to improve your emotional intelligence is an important one. Delve into these four domains and their facets as you work toward your success. 

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

Via http://www.scpie.org/master-domain-knowledge-not-platitudes-to-cultivate-emotional-intelligence/

source https://scpie.weebly.com/blog/master-domain-knowledge-not-platitudes-to-cultivate-emotional-intelligence

[scpie]

Master Domain Knowledge, Not Platitudes, to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

Be wary of the all-too-common, cursory approach to understanding the nuances of EQ.

April 10, 2020 10 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Ask almost anyone what it means to be emotionally intelligent and they will tell you … something. But if you don’t really know what you’re looking for, it can be extremely difficult to identify blind spots and develop your own skills. Moreover, when clichés trump the scope and depth of knowledge needed to help others learn and improve — to become more effective leaders — there is an instant loss of credibility and a neutralizing effect on the team. If you’re not careful, this is where a cursory understanding of emotional intelligence might take you.

But EQ is a complex concept, so hanging your hat on superficial knowledge and cherry-picking elements to improve on can be counterproductive. If you want to cultivate emotional intelligence in yourself and others, forget platitudes and challenge yourself to develop a comprehensive approach to substantive mastery. Understanding the unique domains of EQ and their facets can help you to skillfully navigate the nuances of leadership development and identify performance gaps that undermine effectiveness. 

As Daniel Goleman and Richard E. Boyatzis explain in Harvard Business Review, there are four domains and 12 competencies to EQ. “In order to excel,” the authors say, “leaders need to develop a balance of strengths across the suite of EI competencies. When they do that, excellent business results follow.” The domains are as follows: 

1. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend your own thoughts, emotions and behavior. It involves being keenly sensitive to your intrapersonal experiences and the willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself. This dimension is all about self-investigation and confronting the soul of who you are and how you show up in the world.

Emotional self-awareness

To develop greater emotional self-awareness, sit still with your emotions and develop resonance with them. Do you see a pattern? Links to events, activities or an internal dialogue? Ask yourself whether you’ve explored the universe of emotions that exist outside of those you experience most regularly. Work to cultivate a greater wheelhouse of emotions and become attuned to how each emotion can serve you, as well as how some may not. Being emotionally self-aware can help you to understand your emotional triggers and be sensitive to the people, situations and circumstances that provoke varied emotional responses within you. It will also help you to make better decisions based on those triggers.

Related: 4 Ways Emotional Awareness Enhances Leadership Skills

2. Self-Management 

Self-management is your ability to extract the data gleaned from the self-awareness dimension and use it to engineer your thoughts, feelings and behavior as you interact with the world around you. This is intentional, self-directed work and requires acknowledging areas where you need to improve, exercise restraint and step up to the plate. Self-management is a skill set that helps even the most capable of leaders ascend to the ranks of the world-class. It has four elements:

Emotional self-control

We are human and prone to the occasional emotional outburst. However, to avoid the consequences associated with impulsiveness, we must learn to self-regulate. In other words, we must not allow our emotions to dictate, causing us to react rather than respond to emotional stimuli. This is especially important in situations than can have unwelcome fallout, such as getting into a nasty verbal confrontation with your boss. By setting standards of behavior, developing a set of prescriptive strategies and tactics to help us overcome compromising situations and scrupulously monitoring our emotions, we can avoid the worst results.

Adaptability

To be adaptable requires embracing patience and flexibility. Things don’t always work out as planned, and we have to allow for that, otherwise we’d probably lose it on a daily basis. Understanding that, we must be open to making necessary adjustments that serve the greater good. Such pivots might include changing the time, length or scope of a meeting, managing the new stress associated with an escalated deadline or stopping everything to respond to a dire emergency. Adaptability helps us go with the flow and change our approach, rather than self-destruct when circumstances shift. 

Achievement orientation

No matter how committed you are to accomplishing a particular goal, there will be times when your motivation will wax and wane. To remain oriented toward achieving it, reach for what psychologist and author Angela Duckworth refers to as “grit” in her New York Times best-selling book of the same name. Grit is a hearty combination of passion and the perseverance needed to push past what she calls the “plateau of arrested development.” The latter is the proverbial wall that appears when the dream-seeker is too weary to persist, has lost all hope or succumbs to the negative influence of critics. Understanding the multifaceted aspect of this element is critical; it involves more than merely having the disposition to achieve. You must also dig deep and confront challenges to achievement as you work to bring your success into fruition.

Positive outlook 

We’ve all heard that perception is reality, and in many cases, it can be. However, if we leave our perceptions unchecked, we often end up processing inaccurate information as we strive to make good decisions. Perception — think: first impression — is the unfiltered lense through which we experience the world around us. We should certainly double-check our perceptions. We should also consider whether a change in perspective might influence the context of what we perceive. Are your current circumstances truly adverse to your well-being? Or could a variation in outlook alter the way you feel about them? Because outlooks can be positive or negative, remember that whatever vantage point we choose to adopt will determine how well we manage our circumstances.

Related: 4 Strategies to Regulate Your Emotions in Stressful Situations

3. Social Awareness 

Social awareness is your ability to identify and comprehend the thoughts, emotions and behavior of others, as well as appropriately respond to social cues, norms and everyday situations based on their context. This dimension urges the leader to shift the focus away from themselves and consider the well-being and worldview of others. By thoughtfully examining the perspectives, values and experiences of individuals and communities at large, you are encouraged to expand your social reach and confront cognitive biases. This is especially true when those vantage points differ wildly from your own. It has two elements:

Empathy

Empathy is your ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Exercising empathy provides you with a more accurate assessment of what someone may be feeling and why, which in turn helps you to respond more appropriately and usually with greater compassion.

Organizational awareness

To understand what’s happening at the organizational level in any environment means looking beyond the surface to develop a solid understanding of the complex dynamics at play. For example, cultural norms and the emotional climate can impact employee engagement, interpersonal relationships and performance. Identifying root causes and confronting hard truths are inevitable aspects of this process. The latter also help you avoid what neuroscientist Gleb Tsipursky refers to as the ostrich effect — the tendency to avoid negative information by ignoring it. Organizational awareness also supports your ability to influence change because it positions you to advocate for best practices.

Related: 3 Simple Ways to Increase Empathy at Work

4. Relationship Management 

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” When John Donne wrote these words, it was clear that he understood the social imperative of human interaction and the inherent connectedness of the human spirit. We are naturally social beings, rarely in a position to completely avoid all human contact. This is why relationship management is such a critical aspect of our existence. When you manage your relationships well, you are equipped to skillfully navigate your social environment and purposefully interact with the individuals you encounter along the way. It has five elements:

Influence 

Does your example impact others in a positive way and inspire them to learn, grow and aspire to higher heights? Influence is a force multiplier that enhances every relationship: It boosts trust, promotes rapport and increases the desire for others to self-police and support your leadership vision. 

Coaching and mentoring

The desire to help others grow to improve their knowledge, skills and performance is an integral part of relationship management, especially in a leadership development context. Whether formal (coaching) or informal (mentoring), fostering long-term learning and development in others through honest feedback and support maximizes their overall success, which is exactly the point.

Related: How Leaders Can Best Manage Conflict Within Their Teams

Conflict management

Do you know how to identify and manage conflict when it occurs? You should. Conflict management is an opportunity to improve problem-solving skills, increase productivity, strengthen relationships and boost goal achievement. Rather than attempting to avoid this common friction, instead work to effectively navigate it. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument identifies five modes for handling conflict. They include: competing, collaborating, compromising, accommodating and avoiding. Effective conflict management also translates in other areas, for example providing unpleasant feedback. This skill is particular useful in helping others to avoid the Dunning-Kruger effect, “a cognitive bias in which people wrongly overestimate their knowledge or ability in a specific area.”

Teamwork

Although working independently may have its advantages, working in teams does, too. Teams represent an opportunity to leverage collective intelligence and brawn to get more accomplished faster. Sounds like a no-brainer, but working well in teams can be challenging. If you fail to establish norms and cohesiveness, working in a team can be disastrous. But when you develop a team that is high-performing and emotionally astute, success is can be the inevitable outgrowth of an otherwise risky collaboration. 

Inspirational leadership

Think how you lead doesn’t matter? Think again. Inspirational leaders distinguish themselves by the desire to provide direction and create common purpose at the cultural level. They deploy IQ and EQ to their advantage, enhancing their ability to drive change and increase engagement. In an environment where people feel valued and energized to get things done, you can expect esprit de corps to rule the day and build the kind of momentum that fuels self-sustaining, high-performing ecosystems.

The decision to improve your emotional intelligence is an important one. Delve into these four domains and their facets as you work toward your success. 

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

Delray Beach SEO

source http://www.scpie.org/master-domain-knowledge-not-platitudes-to-cultivate-emotional-intelligence/