#and this kind of ties in to my experiences with working on scripts for the stage

[celiaelise]

Was thinking about how a couple of episodes of a certain TV show may have flowed better with the scenes rearranged in a different order, and then I realized there's not a lot stopping me from downloading them and making that edit myself??

I probably won't actually do that, cause video editing is a lot of work, I'm not sure my current laptop could even handle something like that, (it's technically a tablet) and the show itself is not that important to me, but it's cool to realize that that is a project that is within my creative power to make happen!

[tofupixel]

⭐ So you want to learn pixel art? ⭐

🔹 Part 1 of ??? - The Basics!

Edit: Now available in Google Doc format if you don't have a Tumblr account 🥰

Hello, my name is Tofu and I'm a professional pixel artist. I have been supporting myself with freelance pixel art since 2020, when I was let go from my job during the pandemic.

My progress, from 2017 to 2024. IMO the only thing that really matters is time and effort, not some kind of natural talent for art.

This guide will not be comprehensive, as nobody should be expected to read allat. Instead I will lean heavily on my own experience, and share what worked for me, so take everything with a grain of salt. This is a guide, not a tutorial. Cheers!

🔹 Do I need money?

NO!!! Pixel art is one of the most accessible mediums out there.

I still use a mouse because I prefer it to a tablet! You won't be at any disadvantage here if you can't afford the best hardware or software.

Because our canvases are typically very small, you don't need a good PC to run a good brush engine or anything like that.

✨Did you know? One of the most skilled and beloved pixel artists uses MS PAINT! Wow!!

🔹 What software should I use?

Here are some of the most popular programs I see my friends and peers using. Stars show how much I recommend the software for beginners! ⭐

💰 Paid options:

⭐⭐⭐ Aseprite (for PC) - $19.99

This is what I and many other pixel artists use. You may find when applying to jobs that they require some knowledge of Aseprite. Since it has become so popular, companies like that you can swap raw files between artists.

Aseprite is amazingly customizable, with custom skins, scripts and extensions on Itch.io, both free and paid.

If you have ever used any art software before, it has most of the same features and should feel fairly familiar to use. It features a robust animation suite and a tilemap feature, which have saved me thousands of hours of labour in my work. The software is also being updated all the time, and the developers listen to the users. I really recommend Aseprite!

⭐ Photoshop (for PC) - Monthly $$

A decent option for those who already are used to the PS interface. Requires some setup to get it ready for pixel-perfect art, but there are plenty of tutorials for doing so.

Animation is also much more tedious on PS which you may want to consider before investing time!

⭐⭐ ProMotion NG (for PC) - $19.00

An advanced and powerful software which has many features Aseprite does not, including Colour Cycling and animated tiles.

⭐⭐⭐ Pixquare (for iOS) - $7.99 - $19.99 (30% off with code 'tofu'!!)

Probably the best app available for iPad users, in active development, with new features added all the time.

Look! My buddy Jon recommends it highly, and uses it often.

One cool thing about Pixquare is that it takes Aseprite raw files! Many of my friends use it to work on the same project, both in their office and on the go.

⭐ Procreate (for iOS) - $12.99

If you have access to Procreate already, it's a decent option to get used to doing pixel art. It does however require some setup. Artist Pixebo is famously using Procreate, and they have tutorials of their own if you want to learn.

⭐⭐ ReSprite iOS and Android. (free trial, but:) $19.99 premium or $$ monthly

ReSprite is VERY similar in terms of UI to Aseprite, so I can recommend it. They just launched their Android release!

🆓 Free options:

⭐⭐⭐ Libresprite (for PC)

Libresprite is an alternative to Aseprite. It is very, very similar, to the point where documentation for Aseprite will be helpful to Libresprite users.

⭐⭐ Pixilart (for PC and mobile)

A free in-browser app, and also a mobile app! It is tied to the website Pixilart, where artists upload and share their work. A good option for those also looking to get involved in a community.

⭐⭐ Dotpict (for mobile)

Dotpict is similar to Pixilart, with a mobile app tied to a website, but it's a Japanese service. Did you know that in Japanese, pixel art is called 'Dot Art'? Dotpict can be a great way to connect with a different community of pixel artists! They also have prompts and challenges often.

🔹 So I got my software, now what?

◽Nice! Now it's time for the basics of pixel art.

❗ WAIT ❗ Before this section, I want to add a little disclaimer. All of these rules/guidelines can be broken at will, and some 'no-nos' can look amazing when done intentionally.

The pixel-art fundamentals can be exceedingly helpful to new artists, who may feel lost or overwhelmed by choice. But if you feel they restrict you too harshly, don't force yourself! At the end of the day it's your art, and you shouldn't try to contort yourself into what people think a pixel artist 'should be'. What matters is your own artistic expression. 💕👍

◽Phew! With that out of the way...

🔸"The Rules"

There are few hard 'rules' of pixel art, mostly about scaling and exporting. Some of these things will frequently trip up newbies if they aren't aware, and are easy to overlook.

🔹Scaling method

There are a couple ways of scaling your art. The default in most art programs, and the entire internet, is Bi-linear scaling, which usually works out fine for most purposes. But as pixel artists, we need a different method.

Both are scaled up x10. See the difference?

On the left is scaled using Bilinear, and on the right is using Nearest-Neighbor. We love seeing those pixels stay crisp and clean, so we use nearest-neighbor. 

(Most pixel-art programs have nearest-neighbor enabled by default! So this may not apply to you, but it's important to know.)

🔹Mixels

Mixels are when there are different (mixed) pixel sizes in the same image.

Here I have scaled up my art- the left is 200%, and the right is 150%. Yuck!

As we can see, the "pixel" sizes end up different. We generally try to scale our work by multiples of 100 - 200%, 300% etc. rather than 150%. At larger scales however, the minute differences in pixel sizes are hardly noticeable!

Mixels are also sometimes seen when an artist scales up their work, then continues drawing on it with a 1 pixel brush.

Many would say that this is not great looking! This type of pixels can be indicative of a beginner artist. But there are plenty of creative pixel artists out there who mixels intentionally, making something modern and cool.

🔹Saving Your Files

We usually save our still images as .PNGs as they don’t create any JPEG artifacts or loss of quality. It's a little hard to see here, but there are some artifacts, and it looks a little blurry. It also makes the art very hard to work with if we are importing a JPEG.

For animations .GIF is good, but be careful of the 256 colour limit. Try to avoid using too many blending mode layers or gradients when working with animations. If you aren’t careful, your animation could flash afterwards, as the .GIF tries to reduce colours wherever it can. It doesn’t look great!

Here's an old piece from 2021 where I experienced .GIF lossiness, because I used gradients and transparency, resulting in way too many colours.

🔹Pixel Art Fundamentals - Techniques and Jargon

❗❗Confused about Jaggies? Anti-Aliasing? Banding? Dithering? THIS THREAD is for you❗❗ << it's a link, click it!!

As far as I'm concerned, this is THE tutorial of all time for understanding pixel art. These are techniques created and named by the community of people who actually put the list together, some of the best pixel artists alive currently. Please read it!!

🔸How To Learn

Okay, so you have your software, and you're all ready to start. But maybe you need some more guidance? Try these tutorials and resources! It can be helpful to work along with a tutorial until you build your confidence up.

⭐⭐ Pixel Logic (A Digital Book) - $10 A very comprehensive visual guide book by a very skilled and established artist in the industry. I own a copy myself.

⭐⭐⭐ StudioMiniBoss - free A collection of visual tutorials, by the artist that worked on Celeste! When starting out, if I got stuck, I would go and scour his tutorials and see how he did it.

⭐ Lospec Tutorials - free A very large collection of various tutorials from all over the internet. There is a lot to sift through here if you have the time.

⭐⭐⭐ Cyangmou's Tutorials - free (tipping optional) Cyangmou is one of the most respected and accomplished modern pixel artists, and he has amassed a HUGE collection of free and incredibly well-educated visual tutorials. He also hosts an educational stream every week on Twitch called 'pixelart for beginners'.

⭐⭐⭐ Youtube Tutorials - free There are hundreds, if not thousands of tutorials on YouTube, but it can be tricky to find the good ones. My personal recommendations are MortMort, Brandon, and AdamCYounis- these guys really know what they're talking about!

🔸 How to choose a canvas size

When looking at pixel art turorials, we may see people suggest things like 16x16, 32x32 and 64x64. These are standard sizes for pixel art games with tiles. However, if you're just making a drawing, you don't necessarily need to use a standard canvas size like that.

What I like to think about when choosing a canvas size for my illustrations is 'what features do I think it is important to represent?' And make my canvas as small as possible, while still leaving room for my most important elements.

Imagine I have characters in a scene like this:

I made my canvas as small as possible (232 x 314), but just big enough to represent the features and have them be recognizable (it's Good Omens fanart 😤)!! If I had made it any bigger, I would be working on it for ever, due to how much more foliage I would have to render.

If you want to do an illustration and you're not sure, just start at somewhere around 100x100 - 200x200 and go from there.

It's perfectly okay to crop your canvas, or scale it up, or crunch your art down at any point if you think you need a different size. I do it all the time! It only takes a bit of cleanup to get you back to where you were.

🔸Where To Post

Outside of just regular socials, Twitter, Tumblr, Deviantart, Instagram etc, there are a few places that lean more towards pixel art that you might not have heard of.

⭐ Lospec Lospec is a low-res focused art website. Some pieces get given a 'monthly masterpiece' award. Not incredibly active, but I believe there are more features being added often.

⭐⭐ Pixilart Pixilart is a very popular pixel art community, with an app tied to it. The community tends to lean on the young side, so this is a low-pressure place to post with an relaxed vibe.

⭐⭐ Pixeljoint Pixeljoint is one of the big, old-school pixel art websites. You can only upload your art unscaled (1x) because there is a built-in zoom viewer. It has a bit of a reputation for being elitist (back in the 00s it was), but in my experience it's not like that any more. This is a fine place for a pixel artist to post if they are really interested in learning, and the history. The Hall of Fame has some of the most famous / impressive pixel art pieces that paved the way for the work we are doing today.

⭐⭐⭐ Cafe Dot Cafe Dot is my art server so I'm a little biased here. 🍵 It was created during the recent social media turbulence. We wanted a place to post art with no algorithms, and no NFT or AI chuds. We have a heavy no-self-promotion rule, and are more interested in community than skill or exclusivity. The other thing is that we have some kind of verification system- you must apply to be a Creator before you can post in the Art feed, or use voice. This helps combat the people who just want to self-promo and dip, or cause trouble, as well as weed out AI/NFT people. Until then, you are still welcome to post in any of the threads or channels. There is a lot to do in Cafe Dot. I host events weekly, so check the threads!

⭐⭐/r/pixelart The pixel art subreddit is pretty active! I've also heard some of my friends found work through posting here, so it's worth a try if you're looking. However, it is still Reddit- so if you're sensitive to rude people, or criticism you didn't ask for, you may want to avoid this one. Lol

🔸 Where To Find Work

You need money? I got you! As someone who mostly gets scouted on social media, I can share a few tips with you:

Put your email / portfolio in your bio Recruiters don't have all that much time to find artists, make it as easy as possible for someone to find your important information!

Clean up your profile If your profile feed is all full of memes, most people will just tab out rather than sift through. Doesn't apply as much to Tumblr if you have an art tag people can look at.

Post regularly, and repost Activity beats everything in the social media game. It's like rolling the dice, and the more you post the more chances you have. You have to have no shame, it's all business baby

Outside of just posting regularly and hoping people reach out to you, it can be hard to know where to look. Here are a few places you can sign up to and post around on.

/r/INAT INAT (I Need A Team) is a subreddit for finding a team to work with. You can post your portfolio here, or browse for people who need artists.

/r/GameDevClassifieds Same as above, but specifically for game-related projects.

Remote Game Jobs / Work With Indies Like Indeed but for game jobs. Browse them often, or get email notifications.

VGen VGen is a website specifically for commissions. You need a code from another verified artist before you can upgrade your account and sell, so ask around on social media or ask your friends. Once your account is upgraded, you can make a 'menu' of services people can purchase, and they send you an offer which you are able to accept, decline, or counter.

The evil websites of doom: Fiverr and Upwork I don't recommend them!! They take a big cut of your profit, and the sites are teeming with NFT and AI people hoping to make a quick buck. The site is also extremely oversaturated and competitive, resulting in a race to the bottom (the cheapest, the fastest, doing the most for the least). Imagine the kind of clients who go to these websites, looking for the cheapest option. But if you're really desperate...

🔸 Community

I do really recommend getting involved in a community. Finding like-minded friends can help you stay motivated to keep drawing. One day, those friends you met when you were just starting out may become your peers in the industry. Making friends is a game changer!

Discord servers Nowadays, the forums of old are mostly abandoned, and people split off into many different servers. Cafe Dot, Pixel Art Discord (PAD), and if you can stomach scrolling past all the AI slop, you can browse Discord servers here.

Twitch Streams Twitch has kind of a bad reputation for being home to some of the more edgy gamers online, but the pixel art community is extremely welcoming and inclusive. Some of the people I met on Twitch are my friends to this day, and we've even worked together on different projects! Browse pixel art streams here, or follow some I recommend: NickWoz, JDZombi, CupOhJoe, GrayLure, LumpyTouch, FrankiePixelShow, MortMort, Sodor, NateyCakes, NyuraKim, ShinySeabass, I could go on for ever really... There are a lot of good eggs on Pixel Art Twitch.

🔸 Other Helpful Websites

Palettes Lospec has a huge collection of user-made palettes, for any artist who has trouble choosing their colours, or just wants to try something fun. Rejected Palettes is full of palettes that didn't quite make it onto Lospec, ran by people who believe there are no bad colours.

The Spriters Resource TSR is an incredible website where users can upload spritesheets and tilesets from games. You can browse for your favourite childhood game, and see how they made it! This website has helped me so much in understanding how game assets come together in a scene.

VGMaps Similar to the above, except there are entire maps laid out how they would be played. This is incredible if you have to do level design, or for mocking up a scene for fun.

Game UI Database Not pixel-art specific, but UI is a very challenging part of graphics, so this site can be a game-changer for finding good references!

Retronator A digital newspaper for pixel-art lovers! New game releases, tutorials, and artworks!

Itch.io A website where people can upload, games, assets, tools... An amazing hub for game devs and game fans alike. A few of my favourite tools: Tiled, PICO-8, Pixel Composer, Juice FX, Magic Pencil for Aseprite

🔸 The End?

This is just part 1 for now, so please drop me a follow to see any more guides I release in the future. I plan on doing some writeups on how I choose colours, how to practise, and more!

I'm not an expert by any means, but everything I did to get to where I am is outlined in this guide. Pixel art is my passion, my job and my hobby! I want pixel art to be recognized everywhere as an art-form, a medium of its own outside of game-art or computer graphics!

This guide took me a long time, and took a lot of research and experience. Consider following me or supporting me if you are feeling generous.

And good luck to all the fledgling pixel artists, I hope you'll continue and have fun. I hope my guide helped you, and don't hesitate to send me an ask if you have any questions! 💕

My other tutorials (so far): How to draw Simple Grass for a game Hue Shifting

[jadeshifting]

— SCRIPTING YOUR FAMILY. ( i swear it can work even if they’re not dead )

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— DISCLAIMER. script what you want !! this isn’t judgement or an attempt to convince you of anything. i still have ded family in some realities, don’t worry :^)

alright, so a lot of shifters skip right to scripting their DR families straight into the afterlife. gone, nonexistent, dead and buried. this is for a myriad of reasons, though for me and everyone i know, it has a lot to do with backstory, or the idea that family ties are going to cramp our style or get in the way of our dream life and the plot. but, for anyone who’s interested, let’s flip the script (pun intended) and talk about why creating an original, unique family for your desired reality can actually make your experience richer, more meaningful, and a whole lot more fun !!

WHY KEEP THE FAMILY DRAMA?

first off, let’s address the elephant in the room: family can be a lot. but scripting them out entirely can be like throwing the baby out with the bathwater !! there’s tons of potential to consider there. a family offers plenty of opportunities to add depth, lore, and a whole bunch of emotional layers to your DR. think about it—what’s a life without a little family drama, a bit of cozy love, or even a quirky aunt who always brings the laughs? it doesn’t have to be a big, happy family—it can be whatever you feel like you need, whatever fits

HOW TO BUILD YOUR DR FAMILY

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— SIZE MATTERS ( but not really ) .　　. 　 ˚　. when scripting your DR family, start with size. do you want a big, loud, chaotic family with siblings running around, or something closer to a small, tight-knit crew? maybe you’re an only child who’s the apple of your parents’ eyes, or perhaps you’re in the middle of a bustling household where everyone’s got a role to play. there’s no right or wrong—just what feels right for you, and what you feel like you need in that specific DR

— CHOOSE YOUR ROLES .　　. 　 ˚　. who’s in your family? a loving, supportive mom who’s your biggest cheerleader? a cool dad who’s kind of your best friend? maybe a set of grandparents who tell you the most insane stories about their youth, or a mouthy sibling who keeps you on your toes. think about the roles that would enrich your life in your DR. remember, these people are there to support your life, not unnecessarily complicate it

— CONNECTIONS .　　. 　 ˚　. now, here’s where it gets fun (in my opinion): your relationships. are you super close with your mom, the kind of close where you can endlessly gossip and have deep life talks? is your dad the type to give you space but always manages to have your back when it counts? maybe you have an insane sibling rivalry that spans over a decade. the relationships you script can add so much flavor to your DR—it’s all about creating connections that resonate with you, and support you in all the ways you want to be supported

FITTING INTO THE LORE ( making it make sense )

if your DR has a specific lore or world-building element ( Hogwarts, Marvel, etc. you know ), weave your family into it !! maybe your mom’s a legendary witch, or your dad’s a top Auror. perhaps your family runs a magical bakery, or you’re part of an ancient lineage with a complex magical or academic heritage. the point is, your family should feel at home in your DR, adding to the story rather than feeling like an afterthought that detracts from it

SOME IDEAS FOR YOUR DR FAMILY

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( just to get you started )

— MAGICAL LINEAGE .　　. 　 ˚　. your family has a rich history tied to your DR’s lore—maybe you’re descendants of a powerful wizard, or you’ve got a long-standing feud with another powerful family. drama

— ECCENTRIC GROUP .　　. 　 ˚　. a family full of eccentric or seemingly ridiculous people—a dad who invents magical gadgets, a mom who’s an expert potion maker, siblings who are always concocting some mischievous or downright strange plans

— TIGHT-KNIT TEAM .　　. 　 ˚　. quiet and likely unassuming—just a small, close family who’s been through everything together together. you lot might not be flashy, but their love and support are solid and you know you can always count on them

— CHAOTIC CLAN .　　. 　 ˚　. a massive, bustling family where everyone’s got their own unique role. maybe you’ve got siblings with vastly different personalities, parents that always have something insane to say, or aunts and uncles hailing from faraway places. family gatherings are always an ordeal

DON’T STRESS THE DETAILS

here’s the deal: scripting your DR family is about enhancing your experience, not stressing you out or detracting from all the things you wanna do. whether you want to create a sprawling family tree or just script a few key members, it’s all up to you. and remember—at the end of the day, your DR is personal to you. it’s about what makes you feel connected, supported, and ready to dive into the adventure of a lifetime

so, build that dream family !! whether they’re magical, mundane, or somewhere in between, totally supportive or bringing never-ending drama to spice things up, at the end of the day they’re there to add richness and depth to your DR. and trust me, it’ll make your journey all the more special if you let it !!

　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  @griefabyss69! GriefAbyss has 97 fics posted to AO3 in the Stranger Things fandom and 92 of them are in the Steddie tag!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by GriefAbyss:

Quiet Nights

Still Motion

Vulture

Concrete Lovers

All Is Fine

"If you're looking for quality Steddie smut, Grief's profile is where it's at. There's such variety to the fics they write, that I feel like there's something for all tastes. If there's a very specific spicy tag you're looking for, they probably have a fic for that.Their phillia series is particularly delightful." -- anonymous

Below the cut, GriefAbyss answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I write Steddie because we were given enough in canon to build a solid foundation of these characters—but not nearly enough to be satisfied. They’re also so easy to put into different situations, and in my case that usually means bondage! I think they’re both really interesting, well acted, and for me, they both ping that feeling you get when a character has a specific trait/experience/etc that you do. Also I really enjoy doing character explorations through sex and sex adjacent themes, especially BDSM/kink. What a character is or isn’t into can say a lot! More surface level; I like it when men are hot, especially with each other. :’ )

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Is there a trope name for when two people are just messing around—wrestling or whatever—and accidentally get turned on and it becomes this push and pull thing where you know the embarrassment isn’t going to win out but the tension is still so good that you’re still like cheering from the stands when they start making out? Probably. I don’t know it though. That kind of thing is fantastic, especially if they’re rivals/enemies/etc.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Getting together, 100%. It’s the majority of what I write over all of my work no matter what type of writing it is! I also love to subvert the classic romance / sex / friendship scripts, so there’s a lot of buddyfucking and first kisses after sex (sorry to my LARP AU readers lmao). I’d say that kink discovery ties in with that well, because it’s rare for me to write a getting together story without sex, and it’s rare for me to write sex without getting kink involved.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

Here are three that are my faves, and I think might become other people’s new favorites! All three are very different, but they’re so well written and give you something really good—or interesting—to chew on. dog at the door by cchapsticck is hands down my FAVORITE, in the way that it’ll gut you so beautifully. I read it during a time where it was very cathartic (life is sad, gross, and dumb sometimes, to be suuuper reductive lmao), and I’m waiting for a good time to revisit it. Take the tags seriously, this is 100% a horror story. your dog or your bullet but i'm always a/stray by andwhatyousaid is another gorgeous fic with dog in the title that will gut you, but in a much kinder way. I also read this at a time where it hit me in a very cathartic way—this is more about the survival and growth after a certain kind of horror. Leomund's Lamentable Belaborment Makes It Hard To Graduate High School by perceived_nobility is the first fic I read that really nailed Eddie’s internal voice in my opinion! If you’re a fan of depictions of Eddie with ADHD, this is absolutely for you. It has a lot of details in it that feel so real to life too.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

It’s more of a genre, but erotic horror. I’ve been trying to sink my teeth into it but it still comes out either too erotic with little horror, or too horror with little eroticism. I have the vague plot ideas, but I don’t have the balance yet! Related (or not, who knows), I haven’t written sex pollen yet, which I think is strange because I love complicated sexual tension! I do have notes written down on how I want to go about it though, so it’ll be a part of my WIP city at some point.

What is your writing process like?

Sometimes I get a flash of something that would be hot or beautiful or interesting, and open a doc and start writing before it disappears. If I’m not at home I have to make do with writing down the gist of the idea on my phone which is... fine. I think I’ve lost some good ideas to just being at work and unable to do much with them when they’re right there in my fingers instead of gathering dust lost in the back of my mind. I do have an ideas document that is miles long at this point, though! And approx 65 WIPs. So I have plenty to work with. Other times I spend months and months daydreaming about something, examining the plot/themes/etc over and over from different POVs, until it eventually just comes out of me with little input. I have a WIP that comes to mind, where I got up one day and started writing and like three days later—I ate and slept I promise—I had 50K. That was in October, and now it’s a respectable 70K+, because life got in the way of my momentum, and I had other WIPs to finish sooner. When this happens it’s like I’m possessed by writing ghosts.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Mostly just an extreme pickiness about my writing environment! I need to be alone, have a specific word processor (if anybody knows of a Linux equivalent for microsoft WordPad, win7 edition, hit me up), headphones—usually with white noise AND music playing, and sweatpants on. Some of my friends get fully dressed to write at a desk, and I wear what’s basically pajamas to write while sitting on my couch :’ )

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule? Oh my god I’ve learned my lesson with this one. For every fic I’ve written except for two of them, I fully finished writing and editing before posting them. I didn’t do that for one chaptered fic, and managed a decent update schedule, but with the second one… well, to the people who are waiting on a Vulture update, it’s coming soon! Thanks for your patience! It’s much easier for me to have a full fic to work off of, to change as I like, especially when it’s been a month since I’ve had the chance to even look at it. I think once Vulture’s done, I’m going back to strictly finishing before posting, though people have been very encouraging on it even though it’s not finished <3

Which fic are you most proud of?

I’m giving you two answers because I’m breaking the rules lmao 1. The first fic I ever finished and posted: Hell Patrol - It was kind of terrifying to share a piece of myself like that, especially in a fandom with so many people. I used to have a blog back in the day where I posted original art that got like no attention, which suited me well enough because attention seemed like a double edged sword at best—until this! So far 99.9999% of people have been nice. I’ve posted a lot, so I don’t really get nervous anymore, and I’ve gotten more comfortable writing what I want to. Mostly I get nervous about finding time to write everything I want to! 2. Silence Awakened - This was written for @steddiesmuttyseptember, and I really pushed both my ability to write under a tight deadline and my ability to turn something I thought was a very rough first draft into something I ended up liking a lot. I also had the idea for the gag sitting for a while, and was really happy to finally have a use for it! I’m not sure that I feel strongly proud of any of them over others, I think I’m just proud that I’ve finished things after a lifetime of struggling to finish any creative projects I started, and proud that my writing is—hopefully—getting better!

How did you get the idea for Quiet Nights?

This was another @steddiesmuttyseptember story! There were prompts: Soft and Slow, Backseat, Clothes On. Those really helped me get started, and I find it fun to write about public sex and also the idea of getting stuck on the side of the road with your hot best friend, so this was fairly easy to write. It was definitely one of those “I daydreamed about this for months and it fell out of me” fics. I also really like Steve’s car and need to write more about it :’ )

When writing Still Motion, what was something you didn’t expect?

This is the first fic I wrote where I felt like I was finally getting a handle on Steve’s voice, which was a nice surprise! I also had such a strong idea for the premise, but not for the ending, so figuring out how to carry that through but still having a satisfying end to the story was harder than I expected. I’m really glad I figured it out, though.

What inspired Vulture?

For anyone who’s read Vulture, this might sound weird, but trauma. It’s absolutely not 1:1 in the fic (and the story isn’t even really about trauma at all, despite the traumatized characters), but sometimes you gotta write about something through 100 filters and let that writing be a comfortable place to live in. Maybe some of the adjacent themes crept in, but it’s not really a puzzle or a mystery to solve—ultimately the story changed so much after the first few chapters that it isn’t really about that anymore. This is one of those WIPs that I come back to when I need some place where I can solve the problems that come up and it doesn’t even take anything away from me to do it. Also I wanted to explore a way more fun part of life, which is hearing an album so good you would eat it if it was possible, and then add in the sexual tension between Steve and Eddie, plus the vulnerable tension of their feelings.

What was your favorite part to write from Vulture?

I have a lot of favorite parts from this! It’s a pleasure to write, when I have the time to actually sit down and get to it. (Though I did write myself into a corner and had trouble fixing that, which halted progress on it, but I should be able to update it this month unless my life Gets In The Way <3) A few favorites are: 1. When Steve found out Eddie gave nobody else a copy of the tape. 2. The scene where Eddie’s sitting behind the counter at Family Video with Steve, severely sleep deprived, and the follow up scene where Eddie visits Steve at Family Video and brings him something. 3. The callback to the play wrestling scene in Chapter 1 in Chapter 8. That was a long time coming! Especially since I wrote Chapter 8 after a long break from working on this.

How do/did you feel writing Concrete Lovers?

This was a WIP I started almost a full year ago, because so many people were so nice about Acceptance and Negation, which is the first forniphilia/human furniture story I wrote. I wasn’t going to write more of A&N, so I started this one because not only did I want to revisit this kink very badly, but many people have said A&N opened them up to it. So this was written for the human furniture enjoyers, old and new! Including me. I felt great writing it, even though it sat at a dead end for months and months in my WIP folder. The fic I was writing for Dom Eddie week had turned into oh no they’re both switches, and so I decided this was a great chance to work on Concrete Lovers. I love this style of domming, especially from Eddie, who’s always so dramatic that writing him being so casual and playful about domming someone—even if he doesn’t know that’s what he’s doing—is really, really fun. And Steve, man. In A&N I was able to articulate something so fundamental to what I enjoy about enemies to lovers, and the beginnings of getting into a kink you had no idea you had, but I needed to get back inside of his head and go onto the next step. How does he feel when he trusts Eddie so much that he’ll just shrug and go with the flow, until he’s so at peace and horny that he realizes he’s breaking social rules—and Eddie is letting him? How will he feel afterwards as he struggles to get back to normal? They’re both not knowledgeable about BDSM in this fic on purpose, and so navigating the aftercare was a good exercise in not being too “by the book” about it. So all of that to say I had a lot of fun, especially once I got back into it. Even the idea of it—Steve standing there holding up the incense sticks—is so beautiful in my head, it’s very gorgeous and quiet. I’ve never seen incense holder done in any of my research—or “research”—for this kink, so it was satisfying to take it from my head and make it into something concrete. I’m very happy with this one!

What was the most difficult part of writing All Is Fine?

God. Finishing it. This one was so fun to write—right up until it was the most difficult thing to get through, and not for any particular reason! I’m glad I did it though. I think if I had been more committed to fleshing out the first parts before the sex, the rest of it would’ve been more satisfying to write to be honest.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

The scene in Transcending Dualities where Eddie and Steve both dump their tapes out onto the floor to share music is one I love. I think Steve is a “I listen to everything including Rap and Country” kind of guy, so he had a few of the same tapes as Eddie, and the way Eddie figured that out was really funny :’ ) And the scene in Waves where Steve forces Eddie to keep his mouth open by holding his teeth apart with his fingers. It’s just hot, strange, and vulnerable! It’s one of those ideas that hit me in a flash that I had to write immediately.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Like I said earlier, I hope to update Vulture this month! Other than that, I should have a steddiemicrofic this month, and I’m working on a sequel to Lingual Frenemies for Sub Eddie week in April. And a few other things that I might get done on time for the deadlines for corrodedcoffinfest’s May Mayhem and some steddiesportsau prompts! Also random WIPs I’m tapping away at that might get finished this month. No promises on an update to LARP AU before April but it’s been a while and I did some work on the next installment today. I have a lot of ambitions and very little writing time these days :' )

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Thank you to everyone who runs this blog, it’s made my To Be Read list a million miles longer, and I’ve found some fics here that I really loved! Thank you to whoever nominated me, this made my week! It was such a pleasant surprise <3 Also, thank you to anyone who’s given me any encouragement, or feedback. It’s easy to feel like an outsider in a fandom (especially after not participating in one for many years), but I’ve met a lot of friendly people here <3  Lastly; get weirder with it!!!

Thank you to our author, @griefabyss69, and our nominator! See more of GriefAbyss's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[ninatheelf]

perfection can keep you from persisting :

“once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” -ralph waldo emerson

some motivation for any perfectionists / over-thinkers!

— — — — — — — — ✿ — — — — — — — —

this kind of ties into one of my other posts about embracing the parts of shifting that we don’t understand. we can’t really grasp the “how” of it all- and by that i mean how exactly our thoughts reflect from the 4d and manifest in the physical plane.

and what’s really nice is that we don’t have to worry about how it all works. in fact, not worrying about how it happens is what allows the manifestation to occur.

before i learned about loa, i had a blockage regarding the logistics of my dr. i was stressed out about my backstory making sense, or about accidentally creating a butterfly effect that would make things end up not going the way i wanted them to. i thought that i had to script everything to be “perfect.” i thought i had to have it all planned out and control every little aspect in order to make sure nothing occurred that i didn’t want to in my dr. and in doing that, i was holding myself back. 

there’s an element of trust one must place in the universe in order to let things happen. when one is constantly obsessing over how it’ll all work out, it doesn’t, because that questioning and distrust is breaking the persistence part of loa.

the “how” is doing all of the heavy lifting. the “how” is adjusting the logic of your dr to make it make sense and have it be natural. the “how” does it all for you. you don’t need to stress yourself out by trying to do all of this yourself. 

this is why that one woman on shifttok frustrated me when she talked about how if you script that you have no body hair and don’t sweat, that means you’ll have some sort of disease that causes those things. when that video came out, i was just staring to study loa, and i knew immediately that she didn’t understand what she was talking about.

the universe isn’t plotting against you like that. there’s no “careful what you wish for” moment when it comes to scripting different aspects about your dr and dr self. if you script something like that out of conveniency’s sake, your subconscious understands that and the logic of your dr is going to change to make the fact that you don’t have body hair or sweat perfectly normal for you. how? we don’t have to know, and it literally does not matter.  a hogwarts dr is a great example of this. that reality contains magic that goes against our cr's biology and the law of gravity (mythical creatures, potions, levitation, etc.) and yet the reality doesn’t descend into chaos with all of these crazy consequences, because the logic of that reality is set in a way where the creatures and potions and floating objects make sense. 

anyways, that woman’s take is what i’m talking about with the over-thinker, butterfly effect, distrusting mindset. you do not need to consider the consequences for things you script that are like that. if you believe that you will be fine and safe and healthy with new characteristics, then you will be fine and safe and healthy.

i’ll always say this (and i don’t care if people get annoyed because repetition is important for the subconscious!!) as long as you stay truly grounded and persistent in your assumption, it will always manifest. and in order to do that, you have to trust that what you want to receive will work out in your favor, and trust that you don’t have to worry about controlling every little aspect to make changes seem understandable. that is the “how” / universe’s job. 

give up some control to the universe, and that’s when it’ll happen. maybe it’ll make sense how it happened after the fact, and maybe it won’t. but either way, you got what you wanted!

— — — — — — — — ✿ — — — — — — — —

as a control freak, i’ve found a lot of relief in giving up some control to the universe lol- in my experience it’s really quickened my manifestations and just made the process much easier. since the universe is a part of you, it is always working in your favor. 𝜗𝜚

[luvismenu]

chap: 17 — see nobody else ✎ ,, index

warnings: rainy night, some crying, some confessions, bathing together, protected sex, kissing, some fluffy moments, they kinda TALK (finally yippee)

wc: 4.4k+

note: yeah you guys, it's the beginning of the end. thank you for sticking around with my mess, cuz idk why and how you guys still wait and read this fic omg..

'do you forgive us?'

those four words broke you.

for the first time in your life, you feel.. regretful, for pushing people away.

all your life, you convinced yourself that cutting ties with anyone who hurt you, or who disrupted the balance of your carefully crafted rules was the right thing to do.

you believed it was protecting you.

but now, standing here thinking about everything that's been going on, you’re not so sure anymore.

you try to recall the last time you allowed yourself to simply let go, to live in the moment even if it wasn’t what you deemed “right.” it’s hard to remember because, for as long as you can think, you’ve always had a plan. a script for how life should be, how people should act, and how relationships should work.

you wanted things to go your way, to stay within the lines you drew.

was that selfish of you? probably.

but was it wrong? again... you’re not sure anymore.

maybe the rules you created to protect yourself had also kept you caged, pushing away the very moments and people who could have brought you happiness. maybe in trying to control everything, you lost the chance to truly experience anything.

your throat tightens as you think about it more and more.

you couldn’t answer her.

you couldn’t answer anyone.

it was all too much.

were you scared? were you still clinging to some invisible shield, trying to protect yourself from everything and everyone? but then, as the questions swirled in your mind, one stuck out— how are you going to be okay by hurting others? how is this any different from being completely selfish?

how are you going to explain to everyone that you’ve been so caught up in your own head, so focused on your own fears, that you couldn’t bring yourself to talk or fix things?

the thought makes your chest ache.

you feel awful.

you want to cry.

you need to let it out.

maybe that’s why you’re out here, in the middle of the night, standing in the rain, drenched and shivering, holding onto your jacket hoping that it would give you some kind of warmth but it doesn't help.

you're just staring at jungkook’s door like it holds all the answers.

you want to apologize.

you want to tell him how stupid everything’s been, how sorry you are for running away, for shutting him out.

but fear grips you.

what if he doesn’t want to listen? what if it’s too late?

you stand there frozen.

should you ring the bell? should you talk to him?

is this the right thing to do?

. . .

jungkook can’t sleep.

how could he? his mind is a mess. it's all over the place right now.

he’s scared too, though he doesn’t show it. he's fucking terrified.

you’ve been avoiding the real conversation, the one that might finally clear the air between you. and that terrifies him. because what if your answer isn’t what he wants to hear? what if this wasn't the right thing to do?

but even with that fear clawing at him, he’s willing to try.

he’s not ready— not entirely, no. he doesn’t know if he ever will be, but the thought of letting you go so easily makes his stomach twist.

whatever it is he feels for you, whether it’s infatuation, like, love… he doesn’t care what it’s called. he just knows he needs you. he wants you in his life.

but wanting you scares him too.

what if he crossed a line without realizing it? what if he pushed too hard, selfishly trying to make you see things his way?

is it wrong for him to be so consumed by you? to wish, selfishly, that your world revolved around him the way his seems to revolve around you?

is it bad that he wishes you see nobody else except him?

he sighs, his fingers raking through his hair as he stares up at the ceiling, listening to the rhythmic patter of rain against the window. the sound fills the silence, but it brings no answers. he’s waiting.. waiting for clarity, for courage, for something to make sense. but nothing comes.

you ring the bell.

once.

twice.

your fingers tremble as you wait, the cold rain soaking through your clothes and biting into your skin. you're shivering now; not just from the chill, but from the vulnerability you feel standing here.

it's uncomfortable, exposing yourself like this, but how else are you going to fix things? how else can you make things right if you don't start somewhere?

the door swings open sooner than you'd expected, and jungkook appears, his face shifting from blank confusion to complete worry the second he sees you.

“___!” he says, his voice filled with concern as he steps forward, his hand reaching for you but faltering halfway. “come in,” he says quickly, stepping aside to let you in.

he doesn’t ask anything yet, though his mind is undoubtedly racing. all he sees is that you're drenched from head to toe; your hair sticking to your face, your clothes clinging to your body, and you look... guilty?

you step inside hesitantly, water dripping from your clothes and pooling onto the floor. you glance down, noticing the mess, but jungkook doesn’t even seem to notice that.

“you’re drenched,” he murmurs, closing the door behind you. “i’ll get you a towel and.. clothes, yeah... do you want to take a bath?” he sounds as calm as he can manage, but his concern is clear in every word.

you stare at him, your lips trembling. you don’t even know what to say.

“why didn’t you call me?” he asks, stepping closer, his eyes scanning you. “i would’ve picked you up.”

you stay silent, your breath hitching as his worried gaze pierces through you.

“are you okay, ___?” he asks again, his voice even gentler now, and that’s it.

that question, so simple yet filled with care.

it breaks you completely.

your chest tightens as a sob escapes your lips, tears spilling over before you can stop them. you lower your head, your sniffles turning into quiet cries, the pain in your throat unbearable as the emotions you’ve been bottling up come flooding out.

jungkook’s eyes widen, his face crumpling at the sight of your tears. instinctively, he reaches for you again, his arms lifting to pull you close. but before he can, you step forward and wrap your arms around his waist, holding onto him tightly.

you sob into his chest, and he holds you immediately, his arms wrapping around you. one hand on the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your wet hair, while the other presses firmly against your back. he doesn’t care that you’re soaking wet or that your tears are soaking through his shirt.

all he cares about is you being there with him. in his arms.

“___,” he whispers softly, his voice breaking slightly as he holds you closer. your sobs quieten, but the tears keep falling, each one tearing at his heart.

he pulls back just enough to cup your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing against your wet cheeks, wiping away the tears that don’t seem to stop. “look at me,” he says gently, and you do, your tear streaked face making his heart ache.

“what’s wrong, babe? talk to me,” he pleads, his gaze searches yours, desperate for answers, desperate to understand.

your lip quivers as another sob escapes you. “i-i’m sorry,” you manage to choke out, your voice trembling.

he doesn’t ask you why. not yet, at least.

instead, he tilts his head slightly, his voice soft and steady as he asks, “would you like to take a hot bath?”

the question catches you off guard. you blink up at him, your eyes still tearful.

you don’t respond right away, unsure of what to say, but he doesn’t rush you. he strokes your cheek gently with his thumb, his hand warm against your cold, damp skin.

“you’re freezing,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. “let's talk after i know that you're fully warmed up... okay?”

you nod weakly, your body too tired to resist. he guides you to the bathroom, his hand resting lightly on your back. you feel a twinge of embarrassment as water continues to drip from your clothes, leaving a trail on the floor, but jungkook doesn’t really seem to care.

once inside, he reaches for a clean towel and sets it on the counter before turning on the faucet. the sound of water filling the tub echoes softly in the room, the steam rising quickly as the water heats.

“give me your jacket,” he says quietly, turning to you with his hand outstretched.

you hesitate for a moment before takiing it off, your fingers fumbling slightly from the cold. he takes it from you without a word, setting it aside.

“i’ll step out and grab you some dry clothes,” he says, his voice still soft, still patient. “take your time, okay?”

but as he turns to leave, your voice cuts through the quiet. “wait.”

he stops immediately, his hand on the doorknob as he looks back at you.

“don’t go,” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

his brows furrow slightly, concern etched across his face. “___,” he starts, “you’ll be more comfortable if you change out of these clothes and—”

“no,” you interrupt, your voice trembling but you're trying to keep it steady. you’re not sure why, but the thought of him leaving, even for a second, feels unbearable. “i just… i want you to stay.”

he stares at you for a moment, as if trying to figure out how serious you are. when he sees the look in your eyes, he sighs softly and steps back into the room.

“okay,” he says quietly, walking towards you.

you nod, your throat tightening as the emotions threaten to overwhelm you again.

he kneels beside the tub, his gaze soft as he looks up at you. “i'll stay,” he says gently. “is that okay?”

his voice is so soothing, so steady, that you find yourself nodding without hesitation. you trust him, and right now, that’s enough.

but before you can step in, you reach out and grab his wrist. “jungkook,” you say softly.

his eyes widen slightly in surprise. “what's wrong?”

you bite your lip, hesitant. “i don’t want to bath alone,” you admit quietly, your voice barely audible over the sound of running water.

he stares at you for a moment, processing your words, and then he gulps. “okay,”

your heart races as he begins unbuttoning his shirt, his movements careful and slow, as though giving you time to change your mind. when he takes it off and reaches for the hem of his pants, he pauses, glancing at you. “are you sure?” he asks softly, his dark eyes searching yours.

you start taking off your clothes too. “i’m sure,”

he steps into the tub, the warm water splashing slightly as he lowers himself into it. he looks at you again, his gaze never leaving you, and holds out his hand. “come here,” he says gently.

you hesitate for only a moment before moving to join him inthe tub. the warmth of the water feels like a soothing balm against your chilled skin, and you sink down slowly, settling in across from him.

for a moment, neither of you speak. the sound of the water and the faint patter of rain outside fills the silence.

“come closer,” jungkook says softly, breaking the quiet.

you hesitate again, but the look in his eyes is so earnest, so full of care, that you can’t resist. you shuffle forward until you’re within reach, and he gently pulls you into his lap.

his arms wrap around you, holding you close as the warmth of the water and his body seeps into yours. you breathe softly as you places your hands on his shoulders.

“better?” he asks, his voice a low murmur.

“yeah,” you whisper.

his hand moves slowly, soothingly, up and down your back, andfor the first time in what feels like forever, you let yourself breathe.

the warmth of the water surrounds you, but it’s his presence that truly soothes you. his arms hold you securely.

you wonder if he’s nervous or if it’s something else entirely. his hand strokes your back slowly, his touch soft as though he’s afraid you might shatter if he isn’t careful.

jungkook’s heart is racing.

he’s never seen you like this. it shakes him because, in his mind, you’re always so in control. but now, here you are, letting him hold you, leaning on him like you trust him, and it��s enough to make his heart race.

he wonders if he’s doing this right. if holding you like this is enough to tell you everything he feels but can’t say. because the words are there. he just doesn’t know how to string them together without ruining this fragile moment.

your own thoughts are no less chaotic.

you think about how you’ve spent so much time pushing people away, building walls to keep you steady, but here he is, breaking through them without even trying. it scares you how much you need this. how much you need him.

you shift slightly in his lap, and you feel him tense for a moment before he relaxes again. you feel him against your core, firm and pressing, and the realization sends a shiver through you. a small gasp escapes your lips before you can stop it

“sorry,” you mumble quickly, your voice barely above a whisper, but the heat rushing to your face betrays you.

“no, it’s... it’s okay,” he says softly. he clears his throat, his grip on you loosening as though giving you space, but he doesn’t pull away entirely.

you don’t move either, unsure of what to do. the moment feels tense, like you’re both balancing on a thin line.

“___,” he says after a beat, his voice low and careful.

you look at him. “yeah?”

he hesitates, his dark eyes searching yours for something; permission, reassurance, maybe both. “i don’t... want you to feel uncomfortable,” he says finally.

you shake your head quickly, your hands tightening slightly on his shoulders. “i’m not,” you admit, and it’s the truth. despite the initial surprise, you don’t feel uncomfortable. if anything, you feel hyperaware; of him, of the closeness, of the heat building between you.

his gaze softens at your words, “are you sure?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper now.

you nod, your throat dry as you try to find the right words. “it’s just... a little overwhelming i guess,” you say honestly, your voice trembling slightly.

he exhales slowly, “yeah?” he murmurs, a small smile tugging at his lips. “tell me about it.”

the way he talks makes you feel a little braver, and you shift again. his breath hitches this time, and his hands move instinctively to steady you, gripping your waist gently.

“sorry,” you mumble again, though you’re not entirely sure what you’re apologizing for.

“don’t be,” he swallows hard, his gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips. “just... let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

you nod again, your heart pounding in your chest. neither of you move for a while. the tension is lingering but it's not unpleasant, no. it's not even close to that.

“jungkook,” you whisper, your voice barely audible over the gentle slosh of water.

“yeah?” he murmurs, his voice low

you pause, trying to gather your thoughts. “i want to talk” you say finally

he looks into yiur eyes, a small smile creeping up his lips. “we are talking, aren't we?”

“no... i mean, yes but i want to talk about us,” you say, and you see his expression change to.. surprise? confusion?

“really?,” he asks softly. “a-are you sure?”

“yes.. you-” you sigh. “you make me feel like it’s okay,” you admit quietly. “like... like it’s okay to not have everything figured out.”

he exhales a soft laugh. “that’s because it is okay,” he says. “nobody has everything figured out, ___.”

you smile a little. “you always seem like you do,”

he shakes his head, “i don’t,” he admits. “i’m just good at pretending.”

“yeah you are,” you smile.

he smiles too. his arms tighten around your waist, pulling you closer, and you don't resist. instead, you melt into him, like you always do.

the kiss is soft but intense, as if he's trying to tell you everything he can't put into words. your hands move instinctively to his hair, fingers threading through the damp strands, tugging gently. his grip on your waist firms, anchoring you to him, as though he's afraid you might slip away.

but you’re not going anywhere.

your bodies press together, and you can feel him, hard against your core. the feeling pulls a quiet whimper from you, your breath hitching against his mouth.

“jungkook...” you murmur, your lips barely parting from his.

he pulls back just enough to look at you, his forehead resting against yours.

“i know,” he whispers, his hand moves to cup your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek as though to reassure you. “we don’t have to rush, ___.”

something about the way he says it, the way his gaze is on you, tells you that he’s willing to give you anything, everything, if you ask for it.

. . .

you’re both out of the bath now. jungkook carried you to his bedroom, and for some reason, it wasn’t awkward at all. it felt.. normal.

you’re lying on his bed, and he’s on top of you, his weight hovering just enough to keep you comfortable. he tears open the condom wrapper, sliding it over his length with ease, his eyes never leaving yours.

he leans down, pressing soft kisses along your neck and chest, his fingers grazing your skin gently.

“i’m here to talk, not... this,” you breathe out, a small, half hearted smile tugging at your lips. the way you say it isn’t convincing though, and he can tell.

he pauses, pulling back slightly to look at you. “you want me to stop then?” his voice is soft, his gaze steady as he searches your face for any sign of hesitation.

“no,” you admit quietl

he doesn’t say anything more, leaning down to kiss you again.

his hand moves lower, positioning himself at your entrance. you exhale softly, your body already anticipating the stretch as he pushes in slowly. your eyes flutter shut as you moan at the feeling, the familiar feeling of pleasure and fullness making you lose yourself in the moment.

jungkook groans above you, his brows furrowing as he begins to move, his thrusts slow.

this wasn’t what you’d planned when you came here. you wanted to talk, to tell him everything you’ve been holding in. to admit how much he means to you, even if it terrifies you. but now, with him like this, you realize that he makes you feel safer than anyone else ever has. and if that’s not love, then you don't know what is.

wait. did you just think...

“f-fuck baby,”

he groans as his thrusts deepen, dragging another moan from your lips. he leans back slightly, his hands gripping your waist as he lifts you onto his lap, settling you there with him still inside.

“come here,” he murmurs, his voice low and breathless.

your legs wrap around his waist instinctively as he thrusts upward. your hands find his shoulders, holding onto him as your body adjusts to this new position.

“mmph... jungkook,” you gasp, your voice trembling.

his hands steady you, his fingers pressing into your waist as he moves. it feels so good that it’s almost overwhelming.

“i’m sorry,” you blurt out suddenly, your voice barely above a whisper. “i’m sorry for avoiding you...”

he doesn’t stop, but his lips find your neck, pressing a soft kiss there. “i’m sorry too,” he murmurs against your skin, his breath warm.

he looks up at you then, his movements slowing slightly as his eyes meet yours.

“i—” you start, but he cuts you off with a kiss. you melt into it, letting him take over as his thrusts pick up speed again, each one hitting the perfect spot that has you crying out his name.

“not yet,” he whispers against your lips, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he keeps going, his pace quickening. the sounds of skin against skin and your soft moans fill the room, mingling with the occasional deep groans from him.

“jungkook,” you gasp, your fingers digging into his shoulders as the pleasure builds, overwhelming and all consuming. your mind is a haze of him; his hands, his lips, his voice.

“baby, you areso good,” he murmurs against your neck, his lips trail kisses along your collarbone, leaving you breathless.

and then, before you can think, the words spill out of you.

“i love you.”

everything stills for a moment, his movements falter, his eyes snapping to yours, wide and filled with something you can’t quite place.

but he doesn’t stop.

instead, he presses his forehead to yours, his thrusts resuming, slower but deeper, his gaze never leaving yours. “and i love you,” he says softly

the tension in your body reaches its peak, the pleasure too much to contain. you cry out his name again as you come undone, your body trembling in his hold. he follows seconds later, groaning deeply as he finds his release, his grip on you tightening as he buries himself to the hilt.

you collapse against him, both of you panting and spent, the room filled with the sound of your heavy breathing. his arms wrap around you, holding you close as you both come down from the high.

after a moment, he breaks the silence. “i think we should take a bath again.”

you let out a tired laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. “yeah, we should.”

the next morning, you woke up to the soft warmth of jungkook’s bedsheets around you. it was peaceful, quiet— almost too good to be true.

you made your way into the kitchen, where jungkook was already sipping on a cup of coffee. you walked up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist in a soft embrace. he let out a quiet chuckle, his free hand resting gently on yours.

“good morning,” you whispered, burying your face on his bare back.

“good morning,” he replied, taking another sip of his coffee. “sleep well?”

“yeah,” you murmured, “better than i have in a long time, actually.”

he smiled, the moment lingered for a bit, both of you just enjoying the silence until you spoke again.

“can i tell u something?” you started, your voice hesitant. he set his coffee down and turned to face you, waiting for you to continue.

you took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts. “my mom.. she asked me if i would forgive them.” you paused, trying to find the right words. you see the way he softens, like he feels bad for you. “and it really messed with me. because this isn’t how things were supposed to go, you know? i always thought i’d be strong, but.. then it made me realize... i don’t know. maybe i was holding on to something that wasn’t meant to be.”

he reaches for your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “it's okay, you’ve been through a lot,” he says quietly

you exhale softly. “and i always had these rules, these boundaries that i put up to.. I don't know, i just felt like it was the right thing to do. but now, looking back, it all just feels... stupid. and i’m sorry for being so stubborn.” your voice cracks slightly, but you push through. "but then, when i saw you with someone else... i immediately assumed the worst, and i was so jealous. it was so stupid. and then i started this mess with jason, and i know that was wrong. i am sorry that everything has just been so fucking messy.”

you pause, meeting his eyes. “and i want to fix it. i just... i don’t know how. but i want to try...” you pause. there is a long silence as jungkook processes everything you’d said. he looks serious, but not the harsh kind of serious. and finally, he speaks.

“honestly..” he starts. “i think you have commitment issues,” he said, surprising you. your eyes widened, and you took a step back, trying to process what he meant.

“w-what?” you stammered.

his gaze softens, reaching for your arm. “i understand though. you’ve never really had anyone to be committed to, have you?”

that's kinda true.

“you were just trying to protect yourself. and i get that.” he continues.

“i have to apologise too because well, i was jealous too and i’m sorry for going along with the whole ‘mia’ thing. that was messy, yes. but i do get it.”

you look at him. “you... you understand?”

“yeah,” he nods, his hand brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “i do. i can see now that it scares you to commit because of everything you’ve been through. and i am sorry for putting you in a position like that.” he pauses. "but.. i’m not going anywhere. not now. not after everything we’ve been through.”

you let out a breath, your shoulders relaxing. “i really want to try,” you say, your voice softer now. “i really really do. i just... don’t know where to start.”

he smiles, pulling you into his arms again. “we’ll figure it out, together.”

you rest your head against his chest, feeling his warmth. “you know... you’re the first person to make me feel like... this. i never thought i’d be able to trust anyone like this. i must really like you,”

“oh? wasn’t it ‘i love you’?” he teases, a playful grin spreading across his face.

you laugh, pushing him away lightly. “you said it too!” you tease back, feeling lighter than you had in a long time.

he pulls you back into him, kissing your forehead gently. “i know. i meant it.”

you chuckle softly.

“i did too.”

📜 series taglist: @deepikhaprakash @rjooniesdimples @wombatkitten127 @minaateez @myjungkookthighs

📜 permanent taglist: @internetrando64 @jkvias @lovieku @deluluisdasolulu @ddanasjk @onlyforyoukook @diamondjeon @nnybtitts08 @lil0u0 @butnotmontana @fr0ggieth1nk @minimoninini @whoa-jo @lola75111 @iswearimover5feetall @rispwr @genevieveeeee

@134340-kr @mar-lo-pap @fluttershypoo @kyuupii @https-mei @elinaki92 @jungkookmyoneandonlybaby @hoseokteardrop @winterbeartaehyungbestboy @jaykay-world @jmscaffeine @libra04 @beigerin @nikidream24 @svnbangtansworld @mimi1097 @kookoo-kachoo @junecat18 @iheartchanelle

[essenyare]

I'm from Taiwan, and I write my works in both Chinese and English. I’ve noticed that in some Chinese-speaking RE metaltango fan circles, having Krauser as a bottom is considered unpopular, not because it’s inherently degrading, but because it’s a way of preserving a particular aesthetic preference. (If you want to deep-dive into that, I could talk for three days straight, it’s tied up in gender politics, cultural difference, and so much more. Feel free to DM me.)

That said, in my high school AU, Leon is a transfer student with zero sexual experience, no topping, no bottoming, nothing. So when it comes to his first time with Krauser, he’s understandably nervous. And Krauser, being a genuinely considerate and good-hearted kid, raised as a cishet boy with limited understanding of queer sex, finds himself both concerned and reflective, aware of their body size difference, of Leon’s fear, and most of all, of how much he loves and respects him.

So Krauser would say, almost instinctively: “If you’re really scared... I can be the one to take it.”

Now, stepping outside the fic for a moment. For the people who doesn't know, in some strains of East Asian feminist discourse, writing BL/mlm fiction has been framed as a kind of "misguided male-love obsession”, “pro-male” that must be resisted. Personally I think that’s reductive and absurd. I’m a pansexual female and hell, I’ll write whatever the fuck I want. But I also get where the anxiety comes from: in places like China, Japan, Korea, and even Taiwan, it’s already difficult for cishet women to push back against social structures, let alone freely explore gender and desire in fiction.

East Asian societies (especially Chinese-speaking ones) aren’t exactly built on independent thinking. In contemporary China, the gender binary remains heavily policed, and LGBTQ+ identities are still systemically discriminated against. In my country Taiwan, while far more progressive (same-sex marriage is legal here), still carries deep-rooted Confucian misogyny that differs from the Christian-based misogyny you see in the West. So the rhythm, tone, and goals of feminist resistance here are shaped by different histories, and require different tools.

Back to the fic: What I personally believe is that penetration ≠ power, and the position someone takes in sex doesn’t automatically map onto emotional dynamics. Some people are just tops. Some people are just bottoms. And sex? It’s not limited to putting something into a hole. Not even close. Think clitoral orgasms. Think non-penetrative intimacy. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.

Given the AU’s setting: North America in the 1990s, and the fact that these are two teenage boys who’ve only just begun to figure themselves out, I imagined Krauser thinking something like:

“We’re both guys. That means we’re already outside the man-woman script. So maybe I don’t have to be the one doing the penetrating.”

Yes, that’s still coming from a traditionally heteronormative understanding of sex, and that’s intentional. He’s a teenager. He’s a product of his time. I’m writing him with that in mind, because writing characters with emotional complexity, psychological realism, and historical context, that’s part of the fun for me.

After all, canon Krauser isn’t just some rigid, emotionless military man. He’s someone who deeply mourned the loss of his team in Operation Javier. He’s someone who trained Leon, fought him to the death, and still died with words of recognition and love on his lips. He’s a man of principle, of feeling.

So in my high school AU, with a healthy family and a stable upbringing, there’s absolutely space for him to be a teenage boy full of care, desire, and deep respect for the person he’s falling in love with. He would understand Leon’s fear. He would see it, and instead of mocking it, he’d offer protection without humiliation.

And isn’t that what fanfiction is for? To give them the ending the canon never allowed.

[sheeezu]

First I just want to say Im a big fan of your work. You are probably the only person I trust about this topic due to your authenticity or maybe it’s called vibration? Idk I’m only a week into this stuff. This might have tons of mistakes in grammar and thinking and if so my b. I’ve been practicing this shifting stuff and just now had a peculiar experience I need help discerning. Forgive me if it’s a little incoherent as I am a not so coherent person. I want to explain a little about me first. I’ve always had very vivid dreams and nightmares growing up. Eventually I was able to lucid dream for weeks on end until I kept getting sleep paralysis and that scared me off. I’m in college now so funnily enough I had enough nightmares where it’s not so scary anymore. Also I’ve been a massive daydreamer or “imagineer”, could be a word idk rolling with it, and always lived my school days just fantasizing about having superpowers. Either way this all leads up to here where I discovered reality shifting and eventually finding you. “Awesome Sauce”. Despite my whimsical nature I was or am having a hard time detaching from the physical, but thanks to affirmations for some reason tonight I felt really positive about shifting. Not like a weak-willed shaky “I will shift”, but like an intuition for it if that makes sense.

I’ve been using your new void state subliminal, and it worked wonders for meditation, but it kinda felt like my body was using the sound and feeling of my headphones as a tether to this reality, so I tried just winging it and rested in a comfortable position. I was intending to shift to a blank reality like an isolated white room. I never wrote a script for it since I was just visualizing, but something happened. I think I might have shifted to a house. I never wrote a script for it so could I have accidentally shifted somewhere else? I’m trying to figure all this out so I’m just gonna say what it was like.

It felt a little different than a dream because I remained mentally awake from the get go. My first thoughts were “wtf i shifted?”, and I did a little dance. So I got to exploring the house. A family which Im guessing was mine was there. I raided the fridge and pulled out some grapes. I could definitely taste them and I had breakfast with my assumed to be mom. I quickly got up and just started walking around the house. I looked through a dvd cabinet and could read the writing and flipped through some of the shows. They were like alternate versions of some we have here but with slightly different names and cover art. Then my vision went black and I heard a voice in my head. For some reason I instinctively figured it was that reality’s me and it asked what I was doing. I did say a little half truth or maybe it was a full truth of “Im seeing what kind of person this me is”. I wasn’t really I just kinda was excited and wanted to search the house. During the blackout it didn’t answer me but I suddenly woke up. I forgot to mention this was the second fading out as the first one had no voice, but I kinda brute forced my imagination into staying there. I also forgot to mention there was a longer period of me just walking around the house and checking out a few of the rooms.

In retrospect, this may very well be a strange dream, but I felt way too aware as compared to usual. Things were also a lot more detailed than usual. I would really like this to have been a shift, but sadly the nagging part of my brain wants to doubt it. So I figured I’d ask the expert for consultation.

quick rapid fire q&a

How is manifesting and reality shifting tied? Is manifesting just reality shifting, but people don’t realize they just shifted?

If they aren’t could you just manifest someone to have the ability to shift? I think the answer is no since we all have separate consciousness but idk.

What’s your all time favorite food? I can’t give one but I really like fried foods with sauces.

Thank you so much for being you!

☃️

First of all, you write better than I've ever did.

Secondly, I'd say that was a shift. In my void state subliminal I've layered it 3 times with my creator mentality one, which had a lot of affirmation regarding reality manipulation and such, and a few shifting affirmations.

If you had an intention to shift- then I'd double confirm that you shifted!

(How about you script to a fun reality of your dreams now??)

For the rapid fire

1.Manifestation and shifting realites are directly proportional to one another, our consciousness creates reality. Manifestation is creating a reality where some of our chosen desires are present. Shifting is creating a reality, which we want to experience. You could manifest the same way you'd try to shift. It comes down to personal beliefs and such, since beliefs are by which (i know its getting repetitive) reality is created.

2. You can't. Because while you would be able to manifest all fine from your side, the desired person would get their master abilities in shifting but here's the twist, those changes will only occur in your reality. The reality of the other person is solely dependant on them, but if they were to believe that someone else manifesting for them means they'll become an expert in shifting, then they'll become one. And now you're both happy, although existing in your separate little mental worlds.

3. I'm a huuuugeee sucker for pasta! Any type, just make it so pipping hot that it burns my tongue and I don't even get any flavour from it- but still, comfort meal!

(More specifically, lasagna, call me Garfield from this point onwards I suppose)

[madamejadex]

miss jade,

hello! this is my first time asking something here (19, she/her)!

I was wondering if you'd had any experience with people who have trauma? 🤍 If you do, how do you/they work through that? (besides, of course, outside resources like therapy!! which are fabulous)

To give context (hopefully not dump it all on you!!)- I was raised catholic with heavy purity culture. It can make intimate stuff so tough, especially learning to accept myself all on my own (as a single virgin). I often feel so excited about exploring things, but about midway through, I tend to overthink everything and panic a bit :(

hope you are doing well 🤍 also, could I be 🍐?

Hello there, darling. Welcome and thank you for such a thoughtful and brave question. Now, to be transparent, I haven’t had a partner with this specific experience you're going through, but I have known people very close to me who’ve walked a similar path. I’ve also had partners who’ve carried different kinds of trauma, and what I’ve learned, time and time again, is that healing isn’t linear. There will be soft moments of discovery, and sometimes, there will be setbacks and both are okay.

Purity culture, especially when tied to religion, can plant such deep, tangled roots of shame. It teaches us that our desires are something to hide or be ashamed of… when in truth, they are natural, human, and beautiful. Let me say this clearly for you, my darling:

✨ There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting pleasure. ✨ There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a woman who desires. ✨ And you are allowed to explore those desires safely, sweetly, and on your own terms.

It’s not unusual for the mind to pull back or panic mid-exploration. That’s your body trying to protect you based on old wiring, not because you're broken or doing anything wrong. You’re simply unlearning a script that was never written with your joy in mind.

What you’re going through is a process. You will learn that you're not alone. And eventually, you’ll discover what it means to feel safe in your own skin, not as a sinner, but as someone worthy of pleasure, of softness, of release.

And through it all, remember this: You are the master of your own life. Not the culture you were raised in.

So take your time, darling. Let it be slow. Let it be gentle. You don’t need to rush toward healing or intimacy, you just need to keep reaching for it with kindness toward yourself. That is enough.

And yes, that sweet little 🍐 is yours now. Come back anytime, and I’ll be right here to hold your hand through the questions that follow.

xo Miss Jade 🤍

[gyokutoll]

I said I wasn’t going to make this an actual verse, but a feral part of me wants to get a design commissioned because I’ve become really attached to roleswap!Hotaru. Anyways, here are some of my thoughts:

I’m doing fucked up things with the yokai that he has a pact with. But the long and short of it is that they really resonated with him and offered to make a pact, to which Hotaru agreed.

The entity in question has a half-and-half appearance. One half is a beautiful maiden and the other half is a suit of armor. The power he receives from this pact is one of persuasion provided that there is prolonged eye contact. Hotaru uses this sparingly due to consent issues, but it comes in handy with unruly patients.

Sadao doesn’t suck in this AU! He’s the son of a yakuza wife and the two are moved to a small town when things heat up in the group in order to keep them both alive. Sadao has basically been lied to and used his entire life that part of the reason his mother had him was to further bind the leader to her. Hotaru is one of the few people to treat him with earnestness and concern, breaking through to him. So naturally Sadao needs to die sacrificing himself for Hotaru and further kickstart his obsession with becoming a doctor specializing in the supernatural when he sees Sadao’s body gored by a yokai.

Hotaru becomes a doctor yaaay! And also a Janitor after the pact!! Yaaaay! He’d be an A rank Janitor because unlike Gumi, he’s not nearly as reckless and prefers to be methodical about things and learn them properly. The government is on his door begging him to sign on as a proper Onmyoji. He leaves them on read.

Very beloved by yokai and the underground. His policy is to treat everyone who comes to his private practice. He doesn’t ask questions if someone’s injured at his doorstep. He will, however, start asking questions if they start bringing trouble to his door.

Further beloved by yokai because he’s actually good at cleansing and often goes off script to cleanse instead of banish.

The government frequently asks him for his research on yokai but he’s like um 8) no 8) and then closes the door on them.

Does not dye his hair!!! He tries to keep it short but he’s so concerned with his work that it’s not unusual for it to grow past his shoulders. He usually ties it back or just clips his bangs back. Whichever is more convenient in the moment.

Looooves to pull the “I’m just a little guy” card. He’s almost died a few times and it’s given him a black sense of humor. Has the AUDACITY to press his palms together and say some shit like “please, could you look into it for me? I’m pretty useless, after all ✨”. Hotaru is always a little bit annoying. It’s the law.

Usually has dark circles. It’s not that he doesn’t eat proper meals, either. He’s still very self sufficient and can cook for himself, the trouble is that snack time is coffee and cigarettes. So imagine real meals but in between it’s just a carton of cigarettes.

He has very good technique but does not have Tsugumi’s strength. Janitor rankings aren’t done based off of raw power, but skill mastery. Hotaru is still pretty fast and strong but he does not have the stamina for close quarter combat the way Tsugumi does. His talisman work is very good, however. He’s a work smarter, not harder kind of Janitor.

If he has to use a weapon he just prefers a gun. Is this gun entirely legal? Don’t you worry about that.

Extra frustrated with himself that he hasn’t figured out how to break Tsugumi’s curse since he’s not only a doctor, but a doctor who can treat yokai efficiently, which is rare. He’s ran a couple of experiments on her, but hesitates to take them too far because she’s still his friend and he doesn’t feel particularly comfortable running her through his more morbid theories.

He doesn’t have any unusual physical features like Tsugumi does in their main verse because Knight (what I’m calling the yokai in my head), isn’t as strong nor as primordial as Tornado. Because Knight is weaker and Hotaru genuinely has good technique, he’s not killing himself using their powers the way Tsugumi does with Tornado. Not to say that he can’t hemorrhage or hack up a lung from excessive use, but it’s a lot harder.

That being said, when he uses the power of persuasion, the person persuaded will know that they’ve been tampered with afterwards and it’s a race against time for Hotaru to either run away, or talk his way out of it if he chooses to stay.

His clinic is called Cattail 🐇 based off of the myth of a rabbit who was advised to roll in cattail fluff to stop the bleeding by a helpful deity.

[bromcommie]

case of attachment

seventy years of silence v1.2 alt

I would love to hear about BOTH of these, but if you'd rather pick one, go ahead!!! <3

Hiya, thanks for the ask! I'm nothing if not yappy, so you get both <3 1. case of attachment — this is one of the AO3 Tag Bingo ones I started a month ago but never ended up submitting, and now I'm kind of glad I didn't 'cause I want to work on it more. The prompt was Ghosts, which is nothing if not rife with potential considering who I'm writing about. Because I seem incapable of writing full-scale AUs, though, I didn't take it literally, but the fic's also not...completely devoid of supernatural elements, I guess? I'd call it bordering on magical realism, maybe. It follows a couple of episodes throughout Steve and Bucky's lives through the lens of spirits and the various mythologies surrounding them (as well as the individual and collective fears/hopes they're usually inspired by), because that's a 3 am rabbithole I tend to fall down frequently. There's also something fascinating to the idea that the fear of possession is a fear of loss of identity or personhood or control, but also that possession has historically been used as an explanation for aspects of an identity that are unacceptable being actualized or apparent (mental health issues, behavior not correlated to someone's place in society, sexual desire, etc.) I’m not summarizing this very well, but there’s a hell of a lot of fun to be had with the meaning of ghosts and spirits, is what I’m trying to say.

The name itself sort of comes from the word dybbuk, which from what I understand is just a noun derived from the Hebrew word for 'to cling', but was translated specifically as 'state of attachment' on Wikipedia, and I just found that to be a somewhat strange and clunky but really interesting phrase. Not to mention fitting. Every love story is a ghost story and all that, and every ghost story is about the inability to let go.

In any case I feel like I'm on a roll with this one, so I might even publish it soon!

2. seventy years of silence v1.2 alt — Okay, this is the first script the mockup posters series spawned, so pardon the incoming word vomit as it is my baby—and it kind of ties into the previous one in the sense that it's supposed to be not entirely linear nor lucid in segments (hm, it's almost like there is a pattern starting to emerge here...). Anyway: (more or less) solo Winter Soldier movie, here goes.

I just couldn't stop thinking about how there's a whole goddamned movie missing between Winter Soldier and Civil War in more ways than one, and also about just how great it would've been to see Bucky as the WS (but tbh also just as Bucky) explored more as both the vessel for American Cold War anxieties and the ghost—ha—of their horrific consequences, as well as a storytelling conduit for observing several periods of 20th century history, cosidering he's supposed to be a key player in much of it yet is essentially a complete outsider to the world as a whole and (superficially) to the human experience of it all. I just think it'd work well as a lead up to the politics-adjacent events of CW, too. So on a background level I guess that's what I'm trying to do here via flashbacks that piece together the long road so far, as well as what continuity there is to Bucky pre + post-fall.

On a primary level, it's more or less a classic post-CATWS fic in content, if not form: Bucky post-DC trying to stay out of shit but caught between unwillingly retracing his history when Plot Events keep happening, figuring out how to both get the government off his ass and make sure his captors don't get to him without it becoming an outright revenge spree, figuring out who this Steve character is and if he even wants him to find Bucky (although for the time being I'd say present day Steve features less heavily than usual and is not necessarily the explicit focus, which is not to say that he doesn't play a role and that it's still not gay as all hell), and just figuring out what the fuck is going on in general and how to survive. I also loosely borrow from a couple of the comics runs both with the Department X/Red Room stuff and in order to set up an intro to the Superhuman Registration Act/Sokovia Accords, because I fucking hate how CW handled all that. (Surprise, surprise.)

So basically there is...definitely too much going on there. I've put it on hold a little these days until I figure out what exactly I want to do with it and because it keeps breaking my brain, but I still work on it here and there, so there's still hope.

I've already written way too much, but here's a snippet for the hell of it since I was actually just editing this yesterday:

[seph7]

Majestic Man

Xpose Issue 5 - November 1996

Is Colonel Bach, head of Majestic-12 in Dark Skies, friend or foe? James Brooks asks actor JT Walsh for the truth…

IN THE secret history of extraterrestrial contact, the watershed event was the supposed crash of an alien spacecraft in Roswell, New Mexico. The lives it changed were set into distinctly different courses, some of whom appeared to vanish altogether, like the evidence of the whole incident. One of those so affected was US Navy Captain (later, Colonel) Frank Bach, a man who dropped out of sight to become head of the secret Majestic-12 group which would later recruit John Loengard.

In many ways, Bach is the most complicated continuing character on NBC's new series Dark Skies. The actor playing him is no stranger to the kind of role where the appearance of moral ambivalence is a defining characteris-tic. JT Walsh's career spans several years with a long list of stage, TV, and feature credits. Recently, the bulk of his work has been in movies, though the actor does not differentiate or discriminate between the various media.

"I don't look down on anything," Walsh says. "I'm an actor. I mean, I've done everything from off-Broadway to Broadway to television to film. I just go where the work is. That's always been my motto: do what comes next." The character and material determine the project.

"There have been other opportuni-ties, let's say, on television before that I didn't much like. But I like this guy and I like the idea. It was fun. I read the script and thought it was terrific. And that was the end of it.

"Some of the more satisfying experiences I've had have been on television, to be honest with you. I just did a movie for cable and it was one of the best experiences I've ever had. It was a TV schedule and a TV budget, but it was the most fun I've had in a long time. So I don't distinguish between film, television, or anything else."

JT Walsh was born in San Francisco and moved with his family to Europe at the age of five. His father worked for the government, something which undoubtedly helped inform his take on Bach, the ultimate bureaucratic insider. He attended boarding school in Ireland, attended a year of university in Germany and returned to the United States to graduate from the University of Rhode Island with a BA in Sociology.

A prolific actor now, he came to the profession later in life, becoming a full-time actor at the age of 31. Before that, he had been a social worker in the South Bronx, salesman, and underground journalist in New York. He was simultaneously working in community theater where he was spotted in 1974 by a director who invited him to participate in the Eugene O'Neill National Playwrights Conference, reading new plays.

What followed was a rich run of roles culminating in a principal part in the stage production of Glengarry Glen Ross which led to his film career, including the David Mamet picture House of Games. His feature credits are almost too numerous to list, including Tin Men, Tequila Sunrise, Good Morning Vietnam, Red Rock, Outbreak, and Nixon. He has also appeared in a number of TV productions as well, notably an episode of The X-Files entitled The List.

Of his work on The X-Files, Walsh says, “It was like doine a movie. We worked 18 hours a day, every day of the week.”

He points out a major difference between the two series whose subject matter invites natural comparison.

"In terms of the subject material, I don't compare this to The X-Files. I think it's a fixed kind of deal with Dark Skies where you have a known enemy, known heroes. You have a focus which is unlike the focus on The X-Files. Even in talking with Chris Carter, his view is that anything that cannot be explained is fit material for The X-Files. I don't think you have that with our show."

Dark Skies, he points out, concerns itself specifically with the alien Hive and the conspiracies that result. "The episode [of The X-Files] I did was about reincarnation and moths and bugs." He laughs, "It wasn't much fun having a fly up my nose for six hours."

Co-creator Bryce Zabel has said that Frank Bach is someone who believes that the end justifies the means and in a tough fight, he will be as tough as necessary, regardless of the conse quences. "Is Bach good or bad?" Walsh says. "My answer is, 'yes.' He is good or bad. He's one of those two. My father worked for the government, over seas after World War II. We're now living in an age of political correctness, but imagine somebody put in the position of investigating UFO stories.

Bach is in the position of having to track theses stories down and find out whether Francis Gary Powers was on acid when he was flying the U-2 or whether he actually did see something which cannot be explained in any other terms. When you're on that kind of a frontier, you kind of make up your own rules because there are none.

"So you can say he's bad, but he sa guy on the forefront of a war. He's conducting a battle against an enemy that he sees, that he has evidence of, that you see in the pilot, but everyone else has to be kept in the dark."

Bach straddles a line between good and bad, light and dark, with a peace of mind that alarms Loengard, pushing the younger man out of Majestic-12 and into a twilight zone of resistance against both the aliens and the suppression of the truth of their presence on Earth. Bach is at once a mentor to Loengard and a betrayer. Along with the very nature of the series' subject matter, Walsh is pleased with the dramatic possibilities it holds for both Bach and for Dark Skies.

"It's a good gimmick for me to tell ripping good yarns because you have this tension between what's known and what isn't known, and you play on people's paranoia and their fears. And it just puts this character into an 'ethically challenged' situation."

Walsh finds a great deal of enjoyment playing ethically challenged charac-ters. "Why do I do those characters? Because they're fun, you know. They re much more fun than being a fingerpointer — you know, Where did he go?' "He went thataway."

There are other dimensions to Bach, though, which suggest an existence at odds with the cloaked nature of his position as head of Majestic-12.

Walsh believes that Bach has his own standard of decency. The need to make a decision and take action carries with it its own morality.

"I grew up in an era where people were making decisions all the time, screwball decisions. Growing up in Europe after World War II, you know, people came back home and there'd be arguments all the time about what did they do that for? But when these people were faced with what they had to do, they had to do something.

They couldn't get on the phone, take a poll, see what was cool. You don't get anywhere that way; you've got to take a shot."

As controversial now as it was fifty years ago, the Roswell incident continues to divide those interested in UFO sightings. Several members of the Dark Skies production staff believe that all the furor surrounding Roswell and other alleged sightings imply that something is going on. Although open to the possibilities, Walsh holds some reservations.

For him, the main thing is to keep telling the stories and tell them well through a character whose motives often run counter to the decency portrayed by Loengard and Sayers. The fact that it involves UFOs and a secret group seemingly answerable to no one is icing on the cake.

"Like I said before, we're telling ripping good yarns here. And that is filled with risk and political incorrectness, if you will."

Whether the series goes its entire planned run or ends after one season, JT Walsh has already established Frank Bach as an interesting dimensional character more than able to shoulder his part of the grand design.

"He's like a scientist of the invisible. Trying to prove or disprove these things. Because if the word got out that the aliens were here, imagine the insanity." It's an insanity Bach is just as determined to prevent as Loengard is to risk. That struggle alone should help fuel the series well into the present era.

Keep watching the Dark Skies...

[velvet-cupcake-games]

Made Marion Mini-FAQ, Sept. 23

Just a few bits and bobs that I can talk about at this point in development!

Q: Players commit to their route ending at the end of Chapter 3 and then experience one of two different Chapter 4s. Does that make each chapter 4 choice-free?

There are still choices in the Chapter 4s! Many of the game's major love scenes are in the relevant character's Chapter 4, so you'll have the love scene choice if you have explicit text on. The rest of the choices are for the purpose of role-playing and making decisions about Marion's future. They won't make major changes to the ending, but they'll let you put a personal stamp on your endgame experience.

Except, of course for that choice. The one that leads either to victory or to a bad end. Which choice is it? You'll find out!

Some of your earlier choices can also cause minor changes in Chapter 4. For instance, in Sherwood Common Marion can write either an angry or a diplomatic letter to her father. This may affect whether he appears in the epilogue segment at the end of a Sherwood character's route.

Q: What kind of experience does the option to turn off explicit text provide? Does it allow for asexual relationships?

Because one of the main goals of the Made Marion project was to provide mature-rated love scenes for adult otome/amare fans who were interested in them, we don't have the option for asexual relationships in this game. Marion is allosexual by canon and it's obvious from the way she views the world from the very beginning of the game.

When explicit text is off, the player reads a shortened, non-explicit version of scenes that involve sexual activity. I try to get across the emotions that the characters are feeling without getting into the nitty-gritty of things, but it's still stated that the characters are having a sexual encounter.

Explicit text is ON by default in Made Marion, so players who do not wish to read such text should turn it off in the Options menu ASAP. Once a scene with explicit text has begun, turning the option off won't work until the next explicit scene (not that we're loaded with them, it's just how the script flow of the game works). I may be able to program a "break-out" button later on, but it won't be available as of the first Early Access release.

Q: Characters in Made Marion drink "tisane." Is that tea or something else?

A tisane is a hot drink with an herbal infusion. Many tisanes, also known as herbal teas, do not contain actual tea leaves. Tea is a very specific beverage, and its history in Europe is tied up in colonial-era violence. Instead of trying to work that into my alternate-magical-Europe history, I decided that it made the most sense for Avalons to simply drink non-tea-containing tisanes. Considering that plant druids are all about making magical hybrid plants, they probably have some delicious ones! They are caffeine-free but may contain other types of stimulants.

When Avalons aren't drinking alcohol, there's a good chance that they're drinking tisane. Thanks to druidic knowledge and the environmental protections inherent in the Pact, Avalon drinking water is way cleaner than the water was in Medieval England. But as Avalon science doesn't yet have a working knowledge of microorganisms, boiling your water is still the safest way to go.

[crystalelemental]

Book Talk - Whipping Girl

Okay.  I finished this last week, but I've been sitting on it for several days, even re-reading certain parts because I think this one's my favorite so far.  Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity, by Julia Serano, is my favorite book so far.  Like The New Jim Crow, there is a metric ton of information in here and I'm not going to go over everything, both because it's dense and because I want others to read it.  As a quick note: this was initially written in 2007, with a new afterward written in 2024.  I think it still really maintains its relevance.

I want to lead in with what may be obvious: this book is primarily focused on trans women. A lot of its discussion is more generalized, and does take a broader look at feminism, cissexual experience, and has plenty to say about trans issues broadly. It just focuses largely on trans women because the author is a trans woman.

The central thesis of the book is effectively how femininity is often derided, how this social derision was a major blind spot for past feminist movements, and how these blind spots kind of facilitated issues affecting the trans community now.  That's a little simplified, but that is, to me, the underlying issue.  It serves as a primer on the issues facing all women, as well as specific trans issues, and some general philosophy regarding how to create a more inclusive space.

The book is divided into two halves.  The first is focused on trans and gender theory, the second tying more into the feminism stuff.

The theory section talks initially about trans-specific terminology, then gets straight to the media portrayals of trans women, breaking down two typical presentation styles as the "deceiver" and the "pathetic," divided by how obvious it is she's trans.  She ties both into this belief that femininity is artificial, and thus the media's fixation and portrayal of trans lives is often through that lens of artificiality.  She claims the obsession with seeing before and after pictures, knowing what work was done, etc. stems from a desire to see through artifice, rather than engage the person in front of them.  She then talks about hormones and physical differences, before leading into my favorite two chapters from this section.

Chapter 5 discusses the concepts of Subconscious Sex and Gender Entitlement.  Subconscious Sex she defines as the "gender we subconsciously feel ourselves to be," in contrast to Conscious Sex as the sex that is inhabited currently, citing that trans people are quite aware that the two don't match and it's kinda the whole problem?  She references this distinction as well to better conceptualize cissexuality as a situation where one's conscious and subconscious sex aligns.  She cites this as the cause of a "blind spot" for cissexuals, who have never really had to think about it, so it seems unnatural.  Her takeaway from the chapter is that, ultimately, this is something that has to be reckoned with socially for progress to be made, drawing comparison to gay rights activism where heterosexuals took their heterosexuality for granted as default, and could treat homosexuality as the aberration, and cultural change really took hold when "heterosexuality" was no longer seen as the "normal one," but rather as its own defined thing.  The chapter culminates in the belief that ignoring these blind spots results in Gender Entitlement, which is when one's where one's own gender perceptions are placed on everyone else, and they get Real Mad when others don't follow that script.  She takes care to express that anyone can experience gender entitlement, more on that later.

Chapter 6 then discusses gender expression.  She starts out discussing two philosophies: all gender is social construct, and all gender is biologically mandated.  Her stance is that "both...are wrong (or at least, they are both only partially right)."  She pushes back on essentialism with the concept of "exceptional gender expression;" masculine women, feminine men, androgyny, and states the rate of these presentations cannot be explained by mere "genetic defect" as is often claimed.  She pushes back on social constructionist views by noting that behaviors tend to arise young, and continue into adulthood, despite societal pressure to conform.  Her conclusion is to posit the Intrinsic Inclination model, which has four general parts:

1) Subconscious sex, gender expression, and sexual orientation represent separate inclinations determined largely independent of one another.

2) These inclinations are, to some extent, intrinsic to our persons, and remain intact despite social influences.

3) No single biological trait has ever been directly tied to these inclinations, and therefore each trait exists on a range of possible outcomes.

4) Each inclination roughly correlates with physical sex, resulting in a bimodal distribution pattern.  The example given is: Men are taller on average, but any given man may be shorter than any given woman.  In short (hee hee), "masculine/feminine cis heteo man/woman" is most common statistically, but variance makes adherence to these as absolutes of one gender or the other ridiculous.

This model is used to undermine the concept that men and women as sexes are "opposites."  This is important, because she breaks down the concept of "sexism" into two factors: Traditional Sexism, and Oppositional Sexism.  Traditional Sexism is the idea that maleness and masculinity are better than femaleness and femininity, while Oppositional Sexism creates underlying assumptions and stereotypes that are differentially applied to each sex due to their nature as opposites (ie, masculine is strong, therefore feminine must be weak).  She uses this concept of Oppositional Sexism and the desire to play to an in and out group as part of a major problem for trans people.  More on that later.

The other chapters talk about garbage science, gatekeeping in the medical community reinforcing stereotypes, further media portrayals and issues, and the concepts of cissexual privilege.  We're gonna skip all that to get into the second half.  In fact, we're gonna skip most of the second half too because I want to focus on what stood out to me.  But I will make note of Chapter 10 really deconstructing the "feeling like women trapped in men's bodies" narrative, and Chapter 17 for discussing how treating one group as "normal" leads to enforced ignorance of others' experiences, and creates anxiety when confronted with someone outside of that model.

Chapter 19 talks about feminism and its approaches, as well as what she considers their greatest tactical error.  The oversight is given is that while they sought to empower women, femininity as a concept did not receive the same treatment.  The book talks about two general approaches to feminism and their philosophy: Unilateral Feminism and Deconstructive Feminism.

Unilateral Feminism, at its core, is the belief that oppression is one-way, men oppressing women.  It also breaks into two parts, one which posits femininity as a "trap" to keep women oppressed and advocates women taking on men's roles and positions, and one which posits that female traits are actually superior but only if they are "naturally" for women.  This movement tends to deride feminine gay men and trans women particularly harshly for blurring the lines, and refers to them as parasites and fakes that undermine women by playing to stereotypes. I'm sure we've never heard of that before.

Deconstructive Feminism, by contrast, considers sex and gender as equivalent, and both socially created.  It posits the gender binary itself as the problem, and seeks to combat that by considering masculinity and femininity as good or bad as a matter of context.  It's just that they're good in queer contexts, and bad in straight contexts, so cis-hetero women and trans women get blasted again for playing into the binary.

Both are stated to treat femininity as a concept as "artificial," and because they don't challenge oppositional sexism, it allows masculinity to come off as "natural."  The connection I had to draw was actually to The New Jim Crow, which talks about how, after desegregation, conservatives couldn't just make everything directly about race anymore, and opted to shift gears to the axis of "crime." This just so happened to coincide publicly with black faces due to media bias and political agendas, without being overtly about blackness, and any whites who got caught in the crossfires were "acceptable losses" in the war on drugs.  With the rise of feminist philosophy in the mainstream, deriding women directly fell out of fashion.  But femininity is still fair game.  You can shit-talk how fake makeup or whatever is with relatively little social challenge.  It just so happens that women are typically feminine, so they take the brunt of it by design, and if it hurts feminine men along the way, so be it.

Chapter 20 then picks up with the queer community, and the rise of a trend she refers to as "subversiveness."  When I talked about the book Envy, I referenced someone who was complaining about their local trans community being kinda hostile to people aiming to transition and "pass," and felt the book was the explanation for why, and that I didn't feel like envy was the axis for it?  This book gives an explanation I think makes more sense.

Subversivism is described as "the practice of extolling certain gender and sexual expressions and identities simply because they are unconventional or nonconforming."  Note this is not saying the individuals are clout chasing, but rather that the group as a whole will value presentations that are harder to pin down more than conventional presentations because they "disrupt the binary."  To keep an excellent chapter really short: she argues that this doesn't really help anything. Despite seeming accepting of the widest array of people, it still holds a binary, in the form of those who support the in-group and its demands, and those who do not.  Specifically, trans men and trans women, who aim to outwardly present as male or female, are considered "conservative" within the group for playing into the binary.  She states that this movement, like the second group of unilateral feminists before them, aim not to dismantle a hierarchy, but to simply invert it, with themselves at the top. They'll reference a cohesive "oneness" for the group on their terms, and insist that conflicting or contradictory perspectives are "divisive."

Now, I do agree with this, but I want to push a little in the other direction too.  This person I keep referencing?  They're...not particularly kind to these more unconventional presentations.  They've openly told me they think "passing" is the end goal for everyone, others are just scared to commit, and that these people pushing the binary are the reason for the current conservative backlash in the mainstream, which is...an outrageous thing to believe.  So it runs both ways.  The book doesn't directly address the other direction, but it's central belief is that any movement ought to be all-inclusive, and advocates allowing others to choose for themselves without pressure or coercion in any direction for political or philosophical purposes.

The bonus chapter for modern times talks a lot about the conceptualizing of certain things as "contagion" within conservative circles, implying a likely spread to others to justify isolation and removal from society, and that this is being used against the trans community in the US currently (hence the focus on kids and attempts at criminalizing discussion of LGBT people at all in schools and libraries).  She talks about how this happens for all moral panics, and advocates recognizing the language and behavioral patterns, describing people caught in this rhetoric as "obsessed, aggrieved, and paranoid", and cautioning against language that implies a "dirtying" or "spreading" narrative.

When I first picked up this book, I admit I was a bit nervous. I wanted something that talked about trans issues, and the initial pick was a pre-order, so I decided to get this one. But the title had me at least a little worried. After years of being on Tumblr, calling your discussion of issues affecting trans women "Whipping Girl" had some...connotations. You know, the kind of posting that seems to really, genuinely believe that no other group is as oppressed as trans women are, and comes across as like. Really upsetting? Not because the issues are hard to face, but because it reads like their self-identity is based in being a victim of these issues. So I was kind of worried as to what I was getting into.

I'm glad I gave it a shot, because it could not have been more different from that expectation. Even beyond discussing the issues and the history, there's an undercurrent through the whole book that understands what activism means, and that building coalition must necessarily reach beyond your own insular group.  She pays considerable attention to the mainstream perspectives of feminism, advocating for means of reflecting on what's been accomplished and what was missed to guide future activism and philosophy to gather as much support as possible.  And god, do I love it.  Her work is an absolute delight, and I highly recommend it.  I understand she has other books that are relatively similar in style, and I'll definitely be looking into those as well.

[zorilleerrant]

Alright. My review of the Murderbot show.

There's too much voiceover. I mean I know I'm about as anti-voiceover as it's possible to be, but I just don't think it ever adds anything to a show. If you need voiceover, then you did the adaptation wrong. And most of the long explanations were basically unnecessary at this point in the story. The short segments in response to what other characters were saying or doing were alright and I don't think it's the worst way to handle those, but essentially reading off from the book was completely unnecessary. Also I'm pretty sure he's doing a Nonbinary Voice.

Now some of this is down to the script treatment, but Murderbot is coming off a little 'rawr humans are inferior to constructs' rather than just being all 'why are humans Like That' and I don't like that. It also seems to have less agency than in the books; it's more passive while other characters take more of the actions. I get that as a show it's more ensemble, but it feels like it's sanitizing Murderbot a little into the very Confused Naive Construct That Needs Saving that it felt didn't describe its experiences at all.

Everyone else's characterization feels basically right to me - I especially like Gurathin also being all 'ew sex' - but so much hinges on Murderbot that it colors more of the story. The acting works well across the board and they work well together.

I don't understand at all the use of Pejorative It. Doesn't fit with the worldbuilding at all and I'm unclear what it's supposed to be signalling to the audience, if anything.

Something that really seems missing, though, is the sort of... work environment aspect of it. Like, sure, they live in a normal SF dystopia where everyone owns people and you have to subscribe to air and water and stuff, and that's fine. But it's missing the regular aspect that sort of made the whole situation relatable, where a lot of the problem was people not doing what they were told to do, or not explaining anything, or half-assing their assignments, or just straight up forgetting something needed to get done. And most of the atmospherically depressing aspects of the society were tied up in the regular problems, not the exaggerated ones. It even suggests the equipment from The Company is better than Preservation's, creating a more typical Great Scifi World, Except. This way it just seems kind of alienated from real life and flatter for it.

Sanctuary Moon was on point, tho. Delightfully overdramatic. Very much something to get sucked into.

The aliens are actually scary. Not only do they look sharp, but they move around in a way that looks both fast and heavy. Unlike most aliens' cute/harmless body language these definitely look like something that could hurt you just doing what they normally do, let alone if they were trying to attack you. So I appreciate that.

I do wish this were a 20-some episode season, and I was surprised to find out it's only a half hour show on top of that. I don't think we have enough time to explore the whole story, and it's starting to feel a little rushed. I guess that's why it's collapsing a fair amount of plot points together, and I don't think they all need to be there, but I'm worried we're losing a lot of character and team development by shorthanding so much of it.

It's not bad overall. It looks very nice, and the costuming and set design work wonderfully, but there's pretty much no sound design to speak of. I think it hits with the characters if you already like the books, but someone going into it without having read them is probably losing a lot. I don't think it's going to pick up any of the themes with any vigor, and seems to lose a bit on the worldbuilding; I can only see it through the lens of the books. I don't think it's trying to do anything interesting structurally. But it's decently fun to watch and there's nothing particularly upsetting about it, either from a canon deviation standpoint or normal TV themes.

[hershelchocolateart]

Which one of your characters do you like the most?

What is your oldest OC that you still use?

What are the origins of your sona's design?

1. OUUUGUGUGUGHGHGHGJGJ GOD. YOU CANT ASK ME THIS /silly

I have separate categories for this actually! But for now we'll just do 2.

Favorite OC overall? Wally Rosette and any variation thereof!!!

(From a Whos The Best Wally poll - not all Wally's pictured here)

He started as a fan OC, became a filler character, and evolved into my favorite little boy ever. Every single version of him has ended up being me secretly trying to work something out, whether it's Villain School Wally who's trying to figure out how to be a person after a traumatic experience, Locked Love Wally who's trying to be himself rather than the sweet and lovely facade everyone wants from him, or even Whisper Court Wally who is just living a normal life that's simply too busy for him to handle and he won't talk to people about it. But at their hearts they are all the same sweet boy!

Favorite OC just right now? ELLIE. CHELL. PHOSPHER. THEY ARE ALL TIED THEY ARE ALL INSANE

I genuinely don't know what happened when these three took over my entire brain.

Ellie is the most beautiful woman alive, accidentally stumbling into running an entire revolution and kicking ass at it, and literally everyone who sees her thinks she's awesome and they're right.

Phospher is supremely fucked up in SO many ways it never needed to be like this it was always going to end like this. He's so good at manipulating people, at making a script and sticking to it perfectly, but the one thing he never accounted for was someone actually genuinely caring about him. He's always had to force it. He's not used to being loved and he hates it so much he needs to kill someone over it.

Chell was just supposed to be the fun cute little friend and she turned into an absolute FREAK. Phospher was her rebound crush gone too far and it's teaching her things about herself that she had no idea how to process such as how much she likes being tossed around like a toy. And she's soooooo cute and silly about it <3

2. Oldest OC I still actively use in stuff would probably be Wally actually! A lot of my older OCs have kind of been gently placed on a shelf. But even in his different iterations, Wally is still around!

3. Sona design origins are me going Oh Man That'd Be Cute and then drawing it :]

I've changed how I've drawn my hair as it's gotten longer (haven't cut it in over a year!) And I based where the color in it is off of where I'd put in this like. Colored goopy hair gel. I've only gotten it dyed once and it was purple for like a week MAX and then it was just blonde so :/ finding new ways to color it I suppose!

The gear sweater is because I think robots are cool as hell, and the yellow/blue sleeves are a reference to my VTuber design!

The skirt/socks combos tend to swap randomly depending on my mood but consistent ones are my bee socks I own irl, striped/spotted socks based off of an old BookFanGeek VTuber design I believe? (I'm PRETTY sure that design is no longer in use but I thought it was cute) and a black skirt with rainbow hearts on it (based on gloves I own irl)

The fingerless gloves and the boots (minus the giant purple spikes) are also things I own!