#and this one coworker is EXHAUSTING
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#i love working in retail in the months of November and December as a person who doesn't celebrate Christmas :)#its my favorite activity and hobby actually!!!!!#friends. it is literally required at my new job for us to play Christmas music starting nov. 1st to the end of the year#its been 2 shifts and my brain is melting#and basically all of the cookies now are Christmas themed. which. whatever#i decided a while ago thats not a fight im gonna pick bc everywhere is gonna have holiday themed pastries#im not gonna be like UM ACTUALLY i dont celebrate Christmas im not doing that#but its EXHAUSTING#this time of year is EXHAUSTING#and this one coworker is EXHAUSTING#I don't want her to be like oh you dont celebrate Christmas???? :( :) whY NOT????????? tell my your life story so i can JUDGE IT#i had to tell her i was homeschooled today bc she asked me about high school#and she whas like :))) OH :)))#and i know what she was thinking. the same thing everyone thinks. crazy little quiet girl was homeschooled and it made her crazy + quiet 🥺#and i dont owe anyone an explanation about anything i know#but the social anxiety cant handle people thinking things like that about me but also makes it impossible to stand up for myself#and not celebrating Christmas comes down to a very important thing to/about me (my religion)#which is like. its personal but i will share it in the right circumstances. i feel like a lot of times work is not the right circumstance#and i dont wanna talk about it to a person who i know is gonna be like 😀😀😀😀 oh OK#but the manager is arranging a secret santa so im gonna have to say i don't wanna participate. I DON'T WANNA BE QUIZZED#the whole retail Christmas thing is like. it sucks on a personal level bc its literally tiring to be surrounded by it constantly#but i can handle that. ik it makes other people happy#but it gets worse when it turns into a big thing to other people who are just now finding this out about me#and its easy to tell which people are gonna be like 'oh ok cool!' and whos gonna be like 'BUT WHY THO????? okkkkkk i guessss'#and unfortunately :) the other baker at my new job :) is definitely an option B kind of person :)#anyways sorry im tired im going to bed now
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my gojos
and my one geto
#i lost geto’s files 😭#but i mean on the bright side these are all one artstyle#jjk#geto#gojo#sorry for not being as active i’ve had a horrible week and i’m just so fucking exhausted so here’s some old art :’)#fuck capitalism btw#and fuck patronizing coworkers#shit week man yea i’m using my tags to rant but like pls ignore this i just need to type it out#tired
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« You can say anything your heart is dreaming of,
But don’t call it love,
Call it a longing, call it a yearning
Don’t call it love »
An exclusive piece of an artbook I’m working on with @the-nothing-maker! Don’t Call it Love is the story of two art thieves trying to navigate their feelings for each other. A tale of loneliness, trust and hope. We’ll open preorders by the end of the month 🩵
#dungeons and dragons#coworkers to lovers#val cardinal#art zine#fallen aasimar#we’ve been working on the zine for 3 months now and it’s quite exhausting but we’re getting there!#it was amazing to have the opportunity to create around our dnd campaign#as a DM I feel extrememy blessed everytime I’m making a new dnd zine with my friends#and this one is very special to me because this campaign and Mel and Lazuli have been a huge part of our lives for two years now#and because I’m doing this with Elliot#my art
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just had a complete meltdown on the way out of work and spent 10 minutes crying in my car, peace and love on the planet earth <3
#my coworker was being an absolute ASSHOLE to me today#I am nothing but nice to him and he left me alone watching kids in horrible wind for FOUR HOURS.#and THEN asked if I can cover his shift on the one day I have off before a vacation.#so now I'm dehydrated (from no access to water and crying) and I have major windburn#and I'm having another damn gender crisis#but I'm too exhausted to sort out what it means#so I'm just gonna go home and go to bed#zeph vents#vent post#lea chatters
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Why is it viewed as strange to not be in a relationship? Why is it viewed as strange when people over 18 have not been in any relationship yet? Why do people have a need to ask people not in a relationship about it constantly? How do people not in a relationship explain why they are not in a relationship to other people living in a pretty conservative country?
#I am exhausted#Am I on the aro/ace spectrum?#maybe#Maybe demi?#I have no idea#My brain cant comprehend even asking anyone out#Not speaking about anything deeper#Not that I felt like that about anyone#I'm 25 and every single day I feel like there something wrong with me#I started my first job 2 days ago and one of my coworkers just had to ask about my relationship status and history#(we knew each other prior so they're not a complete stranger to me)#But still I felt so uncomfortable#Haven't had my first kiss yet#Haven't had sex yet#How do you talk about this without being ashamed#aroace#aromantic#asexual#demisexual
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i keep getting rejected from job applications and i have no idea what im doing wrong. i wish they would just tell you WHY you're getting rejected and ways to improve. its a guessing game that ends up making me feel even more worthless than i felt before
#like i have been nonstop applying for jobs for the past YEAR and ive gotten TWO INTERVIEWS#one of them i got kicked out of near immediately bc you werent allowed to be late to the job and i mentioned i take the bus (mistake i know)#and the other one i had to turn down bc they wanted to pay me $11/hr despite me already having the experience they needed#and i just reapplied to an old job i had a couple years ago that pays well but i got an instant rejection#not to mention all the other jobs ive been applying to that dont even TRY to contact me before rejecting me#and then my current job where ive been pretty much explicitly told i'm never ever going to get promoted and i keep getting my hours cut#for reasons beyond my comprehension like i dont know what im even doing wrong bc no one will TELL ME#JUST TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG#WHY AM I BEING BAD AT LIFE. CAN YOU THROW ME A BONE PLEASE.#IM TIRED OF SURVIVING I WANT TO THRIVE#IVE BEEN SURVIVING MY WHOLE LIFE IM JUST EXHAUSTED I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID FOR ONCE PLEASE#Sorry for venting im trying to hold back a breakdown and i have to leave for work in an hour and i just need to shout into the void about it#even applying for like medical based jobs hasnt worked out. you wont even let me be a RECEPTIONIST?#i feel trapped at my current job. even my coworkers have been telling me that ive had my position for wayyyy too long and im gonna be stuck#like tell me something i dont know!!!!!!!!!! tell me how to get a better job!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im struggling in every aspect of my life!!!!!!#whoever cursed me its working i hope youre happy. the haters love to see it
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Soon im rly gonna do it
#🕸️#sui mention#< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are#like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however#every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day#it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a#wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach#into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i#cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening#almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not#only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is#to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being#or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in#coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe#its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont#hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am#im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf#its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will#i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to#do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks#thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me
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does anyone have any advice on how to feel alive again
#me @ me: no one cares#sorry to keep depression posting i just dont know what to do#its hard to stay positive when everything feels so fucking bad all the time#covid shit is stressing me out. election shit sucks so bad. my health is bad my mental illnesses are mental illnessing#and if one more person at my stupid fucking job makes a fucking comment about my fucking mask im actually going to start killing#im so serious. i really cant do this anymore#why dont people care about other people it makes no sense#why are people so fucking horrible to each other. everything is so fucking horrible#one of my coworkers literally right now has covid and on our zoom call he was like well the vaccine wouldnt have done anything anyways#are you sure about that??? because you sound like you cant fucking breathe#idk i just feel hopeless and bitter and exhausted and like nothing will ever be okay ever again. and im At Work.#how are you supposed to combat this. what are you supposed to do.#no amount of cognitive fucking behavioral therapy is going to fix the fascism or the climate change or the pandemic or the or the or the#like literally why bother. it doesn't matter nothing matters!#i just want to go home#but then when i get home im like fuck. i really want to go home.
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being at work makes me so miserable
#its not even that bad#but my anxiety is at an all time high here#im just uncomfortable#retail isnt for me i don't like talking to strangers im tired of most of my coworkers I'm just kind of waiting for this place to shut down#i don't want a job at all honestly#i wish i could just perform live music and do art commissions and sell clothes for money#but alas this economy and my depression won't allow that#nothing seems worth doing#i have no motivation and give up on something as soon as i start#i watch too much tv and get depressed i listen to too much music and get overstimulated and i never feel at peace or fulfilled anymore#and capitalism is one of the main roots of that. i just know it#we could all be so much happier. there is so much more to life than this#i want to travel#i want to spontaneously quit my job and take a cross country road trip but my car is not in road trip condition#i need to put new rear tires on before i should be driving it anymore at all#i want to be w my boyfriend cuddling & laughing & i wanna see cool things & see my favorite band in all the cities I haven't been to yet#i dont want... this#whatever this society is#working the day away not being able to be my own person 5 days a week and being too exhausted & depressed to leave home the rest of the day#i want to be able to live#i want my brain to let me function and my body to be at full health#i want to run through the woods on a cloudy crisp fall day#ive become so sensitive to temperature and numb to everything that i don't even get the same joy from being outside that i used to#also global warming lmao#ok vent over
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get loved, nerd
Beluga whales have belly buttons
Anyway HI how are you? How's your week going? Are you ready for Christmas? Getting plenty of rest?
#my coworkers and i were all exhausted and silly#so we were trading random animal facts#so now you get one#answered#get-loved-nerd#thanks for the ask!
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i’ve been feeling super under the weather the past couple of days so it’s time for a cup of tea and getting cozy in bed 😌
#i really hope it isn’t anything but my coworkers have been sick#and i’ve had one day off in the last two weeks :o)#so it could just be exhaustion but the sore throat has me concerned ngl ;-;#gg txt
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this week was so long
#logbook#dude we had fungus mold clean up yesterday and my throat is still swollen. just texted fav coworker.#we had some of the biggest deliveries since may. its fall. its prime planting season. its busy time again. eugh.#also realized last night that this week contained lake day on monday. so no wonder im extra exhausted. i never had a break.#todays supposed to be hang out day. worried abt him he sent one word responses 3 times then stopped. bet he was working tho.#so exhausting being the one to push forward on communication and plans lol. come on meet me somewhere in the middle.#i couldnt sleep and have been sitting on the porch with the birds. saw our neighbor hummingbird.#also have had 2 birds throw acorns at me. and the woodpecker kept playing hide and seek.#time to send a text i guess. would rather spend my day on the porch and then nap and make food later. oh well.
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my coworker was going thru our stickers today (prizes for doing the scavenger hunt) and held up a sticker of creme the rabbit and went “shes cute!! who is she!!” and i was startled when i knew the answer! sonic mutuals your influence
#also im back at work now! today was my second day back. im exhausted#me n the roomies decided not to work on the new place today and rest instead and i promptly took a 3 hour nap#where i dreamed abt my hot coworker (different coworker than the one mentioned in the post)#op#gonna go take a walk its sunset
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maybe one day I'll release the "vince, nikki, and mick on their knees infront of tommy salivating over his dick" drawing into the wild...
#i feel like it's one of my last 'great' ones. from before i got my part time job that's eating up all my time/energy now#i put months of work into it too. and it's so pretty. but i don't feel like it's 100% ready just yet..... idk...#the real ones have already received censored wip pics in the dms lol#anyway kinda missing all the free time i had when i was bedbound and in constant 8/10 pain in 2021/2022#so much art since there was little else to do while i was in bed due to pain and exhaustion#now there's only work and household tasks my parents cannot do anymore and other things i need to do for them#almost no free time and the pain and exhaustion are still kicking my ass. cannot get restful sleep. cannot get to any of my hobbies#feeling like a shell of a human being tbh lol#idk how all my other coworkers do it. lile they also have other jobs. the movie theater stuff is just a side gig for them#and they regularly travel around the country. make homecooked meals every single day. work out. have hobbies. etc.#and then there's me who is already beat by a silly 4 day work week wtf man...#how do other people do it i wanna know their secrets 😭
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Introverts should come with visible social battery indicators, like NPCs.
#My coworker is so chatty today#and I’ve tried to tell her I’m trying to focus#but I think she’s one of those people who can#talk and focus and NOT feel like their life force#is draining out of their ears#so like#it would be nice to have a visual option#for well meaning but exhausting extroverts#on days when you’re just Not Feeling It
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it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat
#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom#2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places#and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again#like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up#not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day!#i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation?#like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary#like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??)#but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks#and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it?#i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep#before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything#and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’#but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend#i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it#but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this#i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man#ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything#i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for#not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for#and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween#i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art#+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here)#it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this
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