#and two have vague vibes for how it'll go

[belabellissima]

wait i have a question that most definitely is not about me and my endless wips what are you talking about?

[uncannydevotion]

“ would you fall in love with me again? ”

a/n: someone sent in a request tht was for masky in relation to this song (epic the musical my beloved <3) but then it spiraled and i started thinking of other creepypastas w this song in mind and it became this so. so. so. yeah. i was gonna include more but i didn't wanna overwhelm myself so you only get these 3. weirdly turned into a sequel post for some of my other work?? somehow??

includes: masky, ticci toby, and homicidal liu.

warnings: purely self-indulgent, varying lengths, so many references to the song, mentions of murder, toby thinks of hurting the reader it's brief but idk heads up there, a lot of guilt and self-loathing, masky's part is technically a sequel to this post, and toby's part is vaguely a sequel to this post, lots of crying, many religious references in liu's part, attempted violence against reader in liu's part dw it's brief and not graphic, borderline unhealthy dependency in liu's part?? idk but the vibes are there i think.

MASKY

Two years. Two years had gone by since Slender wiped your memory of Masky. Two years since he was forced to leave you, forced to give up on the only thing that ever brought him happiness.

Two years, and you were standing right in front of him. And you remembered him. He doesn't know how, but you were looking at him with recognition in your eyes, his name falling from your lips.

His heart was racing so fast he thought he was dying, and his hands were shaking. It took everything in him to not run up to you, to not cling to you until he was certain you'd never leave.

He had been so sure that he'd never see you again. Truthfully, had he not been so utterly overjoyed seeing you, he would've been scared. When Slender finds out about this—and it will—it'll have you killed.

When he asked how you remembered, how you knew where he was, you smiled and told him that you didn't remember everything, just bits and pieces. But it had been enough to make you search him out, picking up on a trail he hadn't even realized he was leaving behind.

Honestly, Masky had dreamt of this moment far too many times. From the moment he left you behind, he would dream of reuniting with you. Dream of returning to your arms. It was hard to believe that this was real.

But he knew it was real.

Your touch felt far too warm to be fake as you gently took his mask off his face, revealing the tears staining his cheeks as he looked at you. He didn't even realize he was crying, he was just so caught up in the fact that he was with you.

Though his joy was short lived when he realized that this meant you knew what he was. A murderer, a cog in whatever machine Slender was running. He didn't deserve you. He didn't deserve your love, or your touch, or your smile.

He choked on his apology, barely able to get the words out as you pull him into a hug. He wants to tell you that you should just forget about him. Your life was probably easier with him gone, right? How could you ever fall in love with someone like him?

But all of his concerns seemed to go quiet with you here. Just this once... just this once he'll be selfish, and focus on the now.

TICCI TOBY

For as long as he can remember, Toby's felt as if he were missing something. He's never known what, but ever since Slender... took him in, it's felt as if a piece of him had disappeared. Or maybe he never felt whole? He... he can't remember.

Sometimes he'd have dreams. Dreams of his family, he thinks. A mom he can't remember, a father he murdered, a sister... did he have a sister? He doesn't know. He's not sure if he wants to know. But what he does know is that in some of his dreams, there's always someone else. Someone who isn't part of his family.

Someone who makes his heart ache when he wakes up. It's a confusing feeling, one that he finds himself loathing and clinging to at the same time. It's a feeling that reminds him that he's alive, at least.

A feeling he becomes unbearably aware of when he reunites with you in the forest. He was going to kill you. Wanted to kill you. But then you said his name, and so many memories came rushing back that he didn't know what to do.

So he scared you off.

But now, a few days after your less than friendly reunion, Toby wanted answers. You knew him, and he's sure he knew you. That's how he found himself lingering near the edge of the forest, hoping that maybe you'd come back.

And you must've wanted answers too, because you came back. You came back, and the conversation that followed was painfully awkward. He didn't apologize for trying to kill you. The urge was still there, really, and if you didn't have the answers he wanted, he'd probably give in to it.

According to you, you and Toby used to be friends. You had been in love with him, apparently, back when you were both younger. And strangely enough, Toby believed you. Something inside him told him he could trust you, something he didn't quite understand.

There was this fond expression on your face as you rambled off memories you had of him. He couldn't remember anything you were talking about, but it sounded familiar, and the look on your face had this tightness in his chest easing.

It was like he was home, in an odd way. He's not sure he's felt this content in a long time, just sitting here in the forest with you. There's this sick feeling of want in his chest as he looks at you, and it felt like he was going to suffocate because of it.

He doesn't even process the words he's spoken until you're looking at him with a shocked expression.

"Would you fall in love with me again?"

It was a stupid question. It was so fucking stupid, and he can't help but internally berate himself for asking it. How could you ever love him again? He tried killing you! He's killed more people than he can count, he's prone to violence, he's barely keeping himself together. How could you love someone like him?

But instead of you brushing the question off, you coax him into meeting your gaze, "I never stopped loving you."

And suddenly, the world didn't feel as lonely anymore.

HOMICIDAL LIU

Liu was never meant to fall in love with you, he thinks. You were like an angel, one he would never deserve. But meeting you, it made him realize that it was... okay to live, even just a little.

He's always been so caught up in hunting down Jeff, in trying to kill his own brother, that he's forgotten how to be a person. But you reminded him of that, like some sort of blessing from God.

He never knew what he was going to do once he finally killed his brother, but now he finds himself picturing a future with you. It seems a bit silly, especially since there's no telling whether or not he'd be able to deal with Jeff without dying himself, but...

It's a dream he finds himself thinking of often.

And Liu was, by no means, shy about his past with you. You knew everything, right down to the smallest little detail. The small things, like what his mother's favorite food was, and how he used to spend the weekends at his granddad's.

You knew everything. You knew that Liu was out to kill his brother, something he had admitted to you one night under the stars. He had been ashamed, the confession coming from him quietly, his hand tightly grasping yours, scared that you might shy away from him.

The fact that you didn't leave him meant everything, more than you'll ever know. You didn't condone murder, but you also understood that this was something he had to do. And you promised to be with him every step of the way.

Truly, a gift from God.

Which is why Liu could feel his head pounding, knife shaking in his hands. His chest was heaving, and he was only vaguely aware of the blood staining his clothes and skin as he stared down at the person he just murdered. Someone who tried to hurt you. He doesn't know the full story, all he knows if that their grip on you was too tight, the fear in your gaze making him see red.

He only really understands what he's done when he hears you saying his name. Tears were streaming down your face as you gently pried the knife out of his hand. Liu never killed. It was always Sully. Never him. Never. But this... this was him.

Liu just murdered someone. For you. Right in front of you. You... you witnessed it. Oh dear lord, what has he done? He barely registers the tears in his eyes, apologies spilling from his lips. He didn't apologize for committing the act, but he apologized for letting you see it.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to see that. You shouldn't--fuck--are you okay?"

There was a feeling of panic swelling up in his chest at the thought of you realizing how horrible of a person he truly is. The thought of you leaving had his throat closing up, and it was difficult trying to take in deep breaths. It was bad enough that he could feel Sully trying to take over, to spare him from the panic and stress.

Anything you were saying went unheard until he felt your hands cupping his cheek, forcing him to look at you. There was a look of determination in your eyes, and it's almost as if you knew where his thoughts were spiraling as you spoke.

"Nothing can make me leave you. I don't care if you kill thousands of people, I'd fall in love with you over and over again. I'm here, always."

And Liu can't help but cry. You were too good for him. He didn't deserve you. He'll never deserve you. But he clings to you.

God may never forgive him for his sins, but getting into Heaven didn't seem so important anymore as you pulled him into your arms.

[rin-and-jade]

Look Who's Here! : A Starting Guide for Fictives

This guide's specifically made mainly for Fictives, but Introjects are also welcomed to interact with this post!

You're just one step way from officially functioning in this world--so let's get you prepared before that, yeah?

Come on, Click below to start right away.

Introduction & Table of Contents

Here's the rundown that you'll go through step by step:

Identifying your Source

What characteristics you've obtained 2a. How to look for those hints 2b. Concluding the reason 2c. An explanation on Systems

Addressing Source / Pseudo Memories

Acclimating you to the real world 4a. How life works out here 4b. Basic tutorials for day-today living

Searching your Origin type 5a. Understanding Symbolism vs Coping

Two ways of Integration 6a. How to coexist with your Source 6b. How to do Source Separation

General life tips

Welcome to the World!

(WIP, Coming soon!)*

This guide will help you navigate common fictive-related challenges at any stage of your system journey, equipping you with awareness, confidence, and the preparation you need to face them head-on.

Are you not a Fictive? If you're lost, click Here for a redirect to the Alter Guide!

Identifying your Source

A fictive is a term to describe a part or an alter who identifies/relates to a character from any fictional works such as books, movies, tv shows, games, or even OCs, mythological beings and to historical figures--there is lots'a more sources that i didn't mention too.

Fictives are often formed from needs such as seeking the same strength, positivity, ideals, or traits the system felt lacking. Another reason why fictives can form is for personal comfort, or found a sense of connection, or to understand deeper about who they are by mirroring a source.

Lastly, fictives can have varying degrees of awareness. They can be fully knowledgeable of their own source, or feeling confused with their origins.

What Characteristics You've Obtained

If you don't know how ya got here or vaguely grasp what appearance you have inherited, this is where we will go through the process to start mapping in a more detailed, step-by-step to fully understand who you are!

First off, how would you describe your personality in one word? Once you got that down, go deeper on what feels natural about that. This helps you pinpoint what kind of vibe you've got.

Second, how would you interact with the world? Are you passive, social, strict, shy--and how well do you handle stress? What do you like doing the most? It helps you figure out your own strength and weaknesses.

What talking style do you have? Expressive? Chatty? Sparse? Nonverbal? Those are just examples, oh, and, what kinds of words do you use: casual or have your own niche? That'll answer what speaking style expresses you perfectly.

Any morals or values do you hold? Like, Do No Harm, or something. What do you consider right or wrong in your reasoning? It'll uncover what principles you have, and help you grow better.

Can you write down any rough and soft skills you have retained? Write just well? Adjusted with moving your physical body? To troubleshoot any skills you still need to refine, you know.

These 5 main questions will help you give an overall preview of who you are in the long run, it's also best to document any other consistencies that you've found outside of what i've wrote to understand yourself better. (2a)

Despite being a fictive, you can retain any other traits outside of your source since your origin acts to complete your identity and fill in the rest of the gaps. It's best to understand that you're allowed to act outside of your origin, or if you have a different response/thinking compared to the canon. (2b)

This is because a system is based on multiple expressions of identities that shares one body and mind, each and every member compliments to the whole dynamic with their own strengths and perspective.

To shortly brief you, a system consists of three main things:

Internal communication: the interaction between each other through internal dialogue, thoughts, or emotions

Switching and completing others: parts may take on different roles or tasks to get through the daily life

Individual agency: alters maintain their own agency and sense of self despite being in a collective with one mind and body

This will help you navigate the situation easier. If you felt like a stranger amidst the crowd of your system--don't worry, warming up to them would be a great start to ease the awkwardness away! (2c)

Addressing Source / Pseudo-memories

Most of the time, fictives will retain source memories alongside the introjected qualities, but it's also possible for them to have no source memories or only faint glimpses of them.

These memories are different from regular memories, because they’re often fabricated to fill in gaps caused by amnesia or dissociation that blocks the fictive from recalling real experiences. So, while they might not be completely accurate, that doesn’t make pseudo-memories a fake memory since they can still be used to reflect or reprocess things you’ve actually gone through in real life.

It’s also important not to mix them up with real memories. They're fragmented reflections of your experiences, not real things that had happened at the past. So i'd suggest you to be more observant to discern them better if you couldn't differentiate source memories from regular memories.

Acclimating You to the Real World

If you came from a source that’s very different from this world, it might feel pretty shocking at first--reading this will help you adapt better and faster, so i'll try to brief you as simply as i can:

Chronological time First, refresh your memory by checking what time, day, month, and year it is right now.

Home, and it's members Next, take a look at any existing notes or ask other alters about where you live, who you live with (and yes, pets count, they’re family too), and what role or career you currently have in life (like school, work, etc).

Play Spot the Differences If you notice something you don’t recognize at first, chances are it’s something you never learned about from your source memories. That's how you can start telling apart what belongs to this world and get familiar with it! (4a) If you’re not sure how to use something yet, i have wrote a section on how to use the most basic (and most important) items just right below it:

Phones: They are small technological devices that give you access to a lot of functions, like long-range communication (calling and texting), finding information (browsing the internet), and other extra features like ordering food or watching entertainment. These little slim boxes need a battery to run. You can see which charging cable it uses by looking at the hole (or port) on the side or bottom of the phone. Most phones are protected by a code or password before you can access everything, so make sure to memorize it carefully!

Money: people use these to trade for things they need or want like food, clothes, or etc. It’s a currency based on value; you give a certain amount of money, then in return you get the thing you want. There are two types of money--physical and digital. The physical currency are rectangular shaped paper that has numbers and designs on it, they're called bills,, and the smaller, metallic circles are called coins. You'll have to hand them to a register, and any excess you're given back is called a Change. The digital currency exists in your phone, often through an app or a bank, or a card with long serial numbers--that's either a debit/credit card. They have a different method compared to physical money, you'd have to swipe or tap them with a sensor your phone has been equipped with.

Home appliances: These are machines that were installed inside your house, they help you perform tasks such as cooking, preserving ingredients, and cleaning spaces. I'll teach you three kinds of machines you'd often interact with, Microwave: Heats up food fast. Usually, you just put your food inside, close the door, and type/dial how many minutes you want, and press “Start” (Be careful.. the food can get very hot) Refrigerator: Keeps food cold so it doesn’t spoil. You can put milk, meat, vegetables, or anything else that needs to stay fresh inside it. They prevent any potential microbes from growing that would make you sick. Broom: A simple stick with soft bristles at the end. You need to hold it upright and sweep it across the floor to collect dust and dirt into a pile, then scoop it up with a dustpan if you have one. Do put those debris away into a trashcan. If you see a long-tubed machine used for cleaning--that's a vacuum cleaner, and i don't recommend them if you're still struggling to adjust to the real world, so lets keep it simple like this. (4b)

The rest that are not written here should be guided from assistance, learning hands-on with another headmate is the best way to familiarize yourself in this world.

Searching your Origin type

Some fictives can be naturally aware on why they existed, so if you're not sure about where you came from, or why you're alive, finding your type of origin will help you understand the situation more.

For simplicity, i separated it to two main categories:

Symbolism: Symbolism is when your mind uses images, characters, places, or ideas to represent something you went through. It can be literal or abstract. E.g, if you feel like you came from a castle, that might actually symbolize feeling trapped, lonely, or important. Not about truly living in one of them.

Coping: Coping is when your mind creates things to help you survive or deal with hard stuff. Sometimes your identity, story, or memories are created as a way to handle emotions that would have been too overwhelming to directly face them. (5a)

Sometimes, fictives can be a mix of both, or switch between both types (E.g. originally formed for coping, then became a part of self expression, aka, positive symbolism). Remember that these are just descriptions to understand yourself, they are not literal boxes or categories.

Two Ways of Integration

There are no right or wrong ways to integrate, and any source you came from is valid and real. This section will brief you with two different paths of growing with your sense of identity: Source Integration and Source Separation.

One day, the identity you have right now will be limiting your sense of self and expression,, this is when integration can be done--most importantly this should NEVER be forced or done out of pressure, rather it has to come from the need to grow and expand from your current self.

--

I'm happy with my Source, how to Coexist?

If you have no issues with your source and facilitates your self expression and wish to keep certain positive traits, appearance, or personality, thats great! Here's three main steps on how you can make your new self based on your original source:

Identify which traits, key appearances, and any other things you truly resonate with

Replace the traits you prefer/resonate less, (E.g. blue hair color) with something you like more personally (make your hair red because you love the color's meaning)

Change your name, if you want to,, and embrace any favorites (like food, music) you have outside of the source--or explore them if you haven't done so

After that, the rest is up to you. BE FREE, RAHH!!! (6a)

--

I wish to Deviate from my Source, how?

If your source had been causing yourself some harm or more confusion, hatred, or enabling bad habits, or just general distaste,, anchoring to something else outside of your current source will ease most of those problems. Here's three main steps on how to separate and grow a newer self that truly aligns with your identity:

Acknowledge that you can be everything else outside of the appearance, personality, or habits you have adopted from your source. This helps weaken the grip on how you should act or be based on the past

Explore what you like and dislike without pressure or expectations, see how you truly feel and act accordingly--not based on your source anymore

Be consistent without needing to pivot your sense of self externally, following your internal compass and intuition instead. This builds a solid sense of self with time and patience

Things will take time to unlearn and replace your habits, it is also a good time to explore who you truly are when your source do not fully depict you well anymore. No need to rush. (6b)

General Life Tips

Seek out and explore, find what you like, what you don't like, what you find comfort in and who you can confide with. This will broaden your experience, deepen your emotional richness in your life, and ensure you can thrive in the long term!

Not all challenges can be overcome alone--actively search for information, ask other people, and go through trial and error. Sometimes being a fictive will give a mismatch from what you've learnt to a world that operates really different, brute force is not the only solution!

Be flexible and open to your identity. No one is forever static or unchanging, new experiences and new things will rewire you and it can't be unseen once done. You'll grow at your own pace so always remind yourself that you're you no matter what, and don't let past labels or boxes dictate how to act or live!

Life may felt jarring at first, but you'll get used to it, this takes time + patience and you'll confidently and comfortably get through the days like a seasoned commoner in earth, remember to have fun and crack jokes too!

And Finally..

Welcome to the World!

You're briefed with everything important that ya should know, you'll feel at home in no time,, the first day's the most memorable don't you think?

If you still got any questions, concerns, or confusion regarding the guide, or how to function and perform daily life tasks,, feel free to write them down here and i'll assist you as fast as i could!

Lastly, you're fully prepared. Now... run like the wind and hope you don't accidentally smash into a glass--or don't run, just chill out for the remainder of the day. They got soft blankets and chocolate drinks,, go enjoy life in your own taste man.

--

* Having trouble on figuring your role and job task after reading this guide? A separate post will be linked here in the future, stay tuned for part two!

- c

[linkons-most-wanted]

Captivating Moment and Operation Aether Ordeal

Caleb's Lucid Dreams myth being more or less in the main story timeline (more like a Bond than the other Myths) prompted me to go back and watch Captivating Moment again, and I realized that it's pretty explicitly set during Project Aether Ordeal (i.e. during the 3-4 months after MC is first in the N109 Zone) which is actually really interesting and puts the rest of MC and Sylus's "early in the relationship" memories into a pretty specific place in the timeline.

This is sort of a ramble but with lots of citations so I hope it'll be interesting to the other folks enjoying the lore and the meta aspect of the storytelling!

Spoilers below the cut! Sorry if it doesn't work on mobile, I only halfway understand how mobile Tumblr decides when to use/not use the "keep reading" cut 😅

Disclaimer 1: First off I want to say that an exact timeline is sort of not the point of LaDS, they intentionally give themselves room to not have to manage continuity perfectly, but I enjoy putting things into context.

Disclaimer 2: As a writer myself, I feel comfortable speculating on things that happen "behind the scenes" with creating LaDS, since I've worked myself into some continuity errors and ret-cons of my own. You can decide how plausible or not what I'm suggesting seems.

Okay back to the lore dump.

We still don't know the exact timeline after Homecoming Wings, but the writers usually give themselves some flexibility to work with, so I'm not anticipating us finding out that something happened immediately after Homecoming Wings. At that point, we're still sort of in Operation Aether Ordeal, though all parts of the Spatium Core have at least been spotted. (I need to replay the second half of Homecoming Wings, I forget exactly where that left off.)

Notably, in Captivating Moment, MC mentions she's on an 'Aether Core' mission. When the myth dropped concurrent with Sylus's release in July, we wouldn't start getting content about Operation Aether Ordeal until October. So if you watched the myth early, you could kind of assume that MC is chasing a lead about her own Aether Core--but that's pretty much resolved at the end of Long Awaited Revelry. Rather, I think this was intentionally a reference to Operation Aether Ordeal, though vague enough to not spoil anything.

One reason this is likely an intended reference (but ends up creating a continuity error) is that the season is given as spring. I'll have to make a longer post about it, but before Prologue to Tomorrow, the most natural time for Operation Aether Ideal would be spring 2049. This assumes that only about a month goes by between MC becoming a Hunter and the Bloomshore District Explosion, which is a natural assumption for an otherwise unspecified time skip, and the early chapters of Under Twilight give summery vibes, though the season isn't specified.

However, Prologue to tomorrow's Xavier branch, Voyage of the Outcast, goes and sets itself in autumn. Since it's explicitly two months after Long Awaited Revelry, then LAR and Captivating Moment must happen circa July/August, which is solidly summer, not spring.

I think this is specifically why the new Serpent's Cast World Underneath story says that snow is on the ground during the Bloomshore District Explosion--the writers realized they needed to extend one of their unspecified time skips, and the best candidate was the time skip between Talented Hunter and Under Twilight. By adding a 6mo time skip there, then Voyage of the Outcast is able to correctly happen in autumn.

But the consequence of this is that Captivating Moment, which was already published, now represents a continuity error by stating the season to be spring when it should be late summer or autumn.

From a fanfic/headcannon perspective this is actually really easy to solve--the conversation between MC and Sylus about plants (and how little he sees them in the N109 Zone) works just as well with autumn leaves or late-summer vibrance as it does with spring blooms.

Not sure how interesting this will be for others, but as someone who's kind of driving myself crazy trying to sketch out the main story's timeline, I felt a little less insane when I started to see the evidence that the writers also sort of lost track of things and went back to ret-con them. 😅

The time skip being lengthened has some other interesting consequences--MC now has known/reconnected with Xavier, Zayne, and Rafayel for over a year by the time she meets Sylus. That's interesting context to think about for their relationship at the time of Prologue to Tomorrow and Homecoming Wings. I think a lot about Zayne's comment in Homecoming Wings that MC "needs something other than lukewarm"--i.e. he realizes he's not being clear enough that he wants to spend more time with her, and he needs to be bolder. It pushes Zayne memories like Everlasting Wish well after late 2049, which isn't particularly consequential other than that it assures my heart that the world won't like, entirely abruptly explode? probably?

Again I want to emphasize that fitting the Memoria into the main story timeline is kind of missing the point, since they're meant to be branching timelines with room for "what if this relationship went after, what if that crisis didn't happen" etc. It's meant for each player to be able to string together their own continuity that makes the most sense to them--which for me personally is enjoying the challenge of trying to fit everything into the context of the main story. 😅

Since it's rumored that we're getting a Sylus main story branch soon, I'm really curious how much they'll reference, where they're going to go with it, the relationship stage it'll represent, etc.

Alright that's enough of me rambling about the timeline for now. If you got this far, thank you! <3

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

good lord I just finished the Vallaki chapter

I can't make too many solid plans because I have no idea how the party will be feeling by this point, but here are some notes in no particular order about running this for my PG-13 "don't make it too scary" group:

Vibes? Immaculate, love the desperate manic party energy.

"this town fucking sucks" *despondent party blower sound*

I'm giving Barovian religion a big makeover, which will take away from the demons & saints motif but will end up supporting the druids, hags, dark powers, etc.

the only horror note I really need is, "this town sucks, but at least Strahd can't get us here!"

the two hunters in Blue Water Inn are clearly dating, right?

the Baron's two attack dogs are secretly good boys who will not actually hurt anybody, the Baron is just bluffing

Victor is perfect, no notes

Fiona I respect the hustle and you win the award for most creative use of a spell, but h o n e y , n o

I'm not sure what they thought they were doing with Stella but I'm just gonna get in there and do a quick hand jive with her whole story and character thanks

Rictavio, great character, we gotta make him less racist.

Rictavio's sabre-tooth tiger... what if it was a displacer beast? c:

I love Blinsky and if we have a premature PC death, they'll end up in his shop in a puppet body and have to put up with his bullshit to get their real bodies back as a warning. everyone thought he was sooo weird and sad well guess what he's a MASTER OF LIFE AND DEATH NOW. because an early TPK is no fun, and is no fun, is no Blinsky

Vallaki hasn't hit its sad himbo quota yet so I think I'm going to rewrite Izek to just kinda fill that void

I'll only do the subplot where Ireena is his long-lost sister if my players like REALLY latch onto Ireena's whole deal

the vistani camp and the dusk elves are just... it's... it's fine I'll just... *makes a vaguely waving hand gesture* and then it'll be fine

[mellosdrawings]

i loved seeing your character sheets for yuu and hayeli, especially hayeli’s!! it’s clear that a lot of thought went into them and i think his on/off mode is such an interesting concept (also a pomefiore student with blemishes?? yes please!!)

i’d be super curious what your creation process looked like, i.e if where there concepts you scrapped or how you went about choosing a name for them (it’s just a topic i love talking and hearing about but of course you don’t have to get into it if you don’t want to :])

not me also having ideas for an oc with mirror magic, but based on the mirror from the snow queen instead

First I'm so glad you like my characters! It seems Hayeli's bad skin is very popular and I love it! Give me more teenagers with bad skin and not making a huge deal out of it please!

As for my process... dear, that'll be a long post.

General process

Ok so my general character creation process starts with two ways:

1. I have a role to fill in a story that can't be fulfilled by a pre-existing character

2. I have a vibe and I need to turn it into a character

From those needs and/or wants, I'll go through several steps:

1. Age: surprisingly deciding on a character's age first unlocks at least half of its mental and physical design. Is it an adult who already has its shit together or a teen in the middle of a crisis?

2. Vague personality: is the character going to be introvert or extrovert? Shy or outgoing. Proud or self depreciating. Bubbly or quiet. Easy to anger or chill. It doesn't need to be its full personality yet, just guidelines.

3. Race: for fantasy and realism. A character's skin color and cultural background will shape how they view the world a lot!

4. Gender and sexual orientation: i usually decide on the gender based on how many characters I already have of each gender, or whether I want a character to be traditionally feminine/masculine or the total opposite of what's expected. Obviously the gender will affect the design, but the orientation will also affect how the character reacts to others.

5. Assets & weaknesses: for fantasy, it'd be their powers and their shortcomings, for action it'll be their strengths and the things they haven't mastered yet, for romance it'll be their best personality trait and their worst.

Once I have that base guideline, I can start working on a chara design. Age and race help with the body, personality and strengths/weaknesses help with how they dress and present themselves. (An outgoing person will have an easier time dressing in original ways while a shy person would be more traditional for example.)

Once I have a design, I draw shitty little doodles and meme redraws until I have a better sense of their personality. Slices of life and comedy and angst are great way for me to get to know my character. For writers, it'd be writing random scenes to test the characters' reactions.

Then, I double down on the strengths and weaknesses. Make them stand out. Make sure they are coherent to the characters. Make sure the weaknesses are as important as the strength. (For example, I have a character who has super speed. Arguably one of the most cheated powers in existence. I counterbalanced it by giving him poor stamina. In theory he is all powerful. In practice, not so much.)

Lastly, I chose a name. Sometimes it's just about how the name sounds. Sometimes I'm looking for names to mean something. If your character is POC, think about whether they'd have a common name or a name from their own culture. Both are valid but you need to think about it! (For example, I have two maohi characters in the same story. One is called Fray (common name), the other is called Tanemahuta (maohi name) because they and their families have different relationships with their own culture.)

Yuu

Well, that's a strange one since Yuu already does exist in the game, but it's a blank slate, a place holder. Let's make them something worth remembering, shall we.

First, I went with their gender. Most of my placeholders characters end up nonbinary because that's what I am and also I can't be bothered to role-playing gender when playing a simple game.

Then I went with a vibe and a bullet list of things I wanted to keep from the game and things I wanted to add.

To keep:

1. Not very proactive

2. Not very talkative

To add:

1. Raccoon

2. Clever/cunning

3. Physically rather weak

From there I made a design that gave "raccoon vibes". Semi long disheveled hair, lazy eyes, lazy dress up.

Now, what was important was to make up for their weakness: they don't have magic. The world around them is harsh and they get threatened by characters having breakdowns every two months. What is there strength? For Yuu, I wanted them to be clever and cunning. Have them actually outsmart our dear schemers. That's Yuu's one and only strength, they're a schemer themself. They see others as cards that make up their hands the same way Leona sees others as chess pieces. Once you have those big pieces from earlier plus the survival instinct, you get a character that is easy to handle. They don't talk much, keep everything to themselves, manipulate others from the shadows to defend themself.

But. Let's give them one more weakness, shall we? It's funnier that way. Let's make them yearn for connection. They are a teen who got kidnapped from their family. Let's give them a big family. But they are rather independent too, so let's find a way to remove the parents from the picture to explain why they are already able to fend for themself. Now make them yearn for real friendship. Make it obvious their manipulation comes from defensiveness. Have them slip up when they interact with people they genuinely end up caring about.

And there you have Yuu.

Hayeli

Now, for Hayeli, I started out with a vibe. He's actually pretty old, comes from before the game was even released when there were only countdown arts and some vague informations about the game. As I said in his description, he's based on the Evil Queen's mirror. I didn't know at the time there were already plenty of mirrors in the game haha

Contrary to my usual process, I started with his powers first. His Signature Spell had to be something about mirrors. The easy way out would be to have him shape-shifting. There are plenty of angst and fun opportunities from shape-shifting. But that was too simple, I didn't like it. Instead I went with the capacity to copy others' magic. In game there was already Azul being able to steal others' magic through a high requirement spell, so I went with this kind of power. High requirement high reward. I don't like for my characters to be overpowered and I wanted Hayeli to just be average in magic, so I doubled down on the requirements to make his magic near useless.

Then I went on to his gimmick. He still didn't have a personality or body at the time, I really went full mirror first. Hayeli is a mirror. He copies others' magic. What if I double down and make him copy everything as a by-product of his Signature Spell? Ok, now, since I still don't like overpowered characters, how do I make it ruin his life?

And so we come to the problem of his personality: he doesn't have one. He's a blank slate. A mirror. He reproduces others' behaviors and mannerisms and personalities and he has no control over it. He has no idea who he is himself. The angst creates itself.

Once there, it was easy process for the rest. Make him a body. Average size since he's just a copy of others. Pomefiore attitude and presentation since he's in Pomefiore. I like curly hair and there aren't enough of them in Twisted Wonderland so I went with that, but they couldn't be long since Yuu already has semi long curly hair.

I still needed one way to recognize him. Make him pop amongst the other characters. What makes Hayeli physically Hayeli?

1. Moles. So many moles.

2. Bad skin. He's in Pomefiore? Do the contrary of what's expected there. Give him a malleable standard face and add bad skin to it.

3. Strange eyes. He's a mirror who can reproduce everything he sees. His eyes are important. Make them pale like mirrors, make his pupils white to reflect others, make the shape a bit blurry as if the mirror isn't perfect.

And there you have Hayeli's body!

Oh. A name? Google translate, please tell me how to say mirror in different languages please. Mirror in Armenian is "Hayeli", I like the sound of it. Sold. So Hayeli shall be Armenian irl, that'd probably be on the frontiers of the Scalding Sands (thanks a friend for helping me with that part), so maybe I should make his skin darker. Besides, dark skins in a dorm that values beauty is also not the first idea people get. Sold!

(Somewhere during the process, I actually had an objective with Hayeli. "Make him represent Teenagehood itself". Teenagehood is a particularly difficult period, teenagers try to become their own person independently from their parents. They copy each other and all the people they look up to to find what suits them best, but they also hate not being able to tell who they are as a person. Hayeli represents that struggle, and that's also why I gave him a heavy bout of acne and red cheeks and baby fat but a lean body. Teenagehood isn't pretty, and it shouldn't be. Hayeli is awkward, his body is morphing a lot, he has no idea who he is or who he wants to become, he copies others without realizing. But he also has a lot of fun. He cheats at tests, he bothers his classmates and dormmates, he has fun with makeup, he tries a lot of new things. While Yuu was meant to represent survival, Hayeli is meant to represent teenagehood, for better and for worse.)

There you have all of Hayeli's creation process.

TLDR: Mostly I just... don't go with the very first thought I get. Do you know that Pixar or maybe Disney process where they give up on the first dozen ideas they get because it's too "normal" and easy to guess? It has its flaws but I think it's not that bad. I go with the contrary of what's expected (dark bad skin for a dorm that represents beauty) or I push the concept further if I can (copying magic instead of shapeshifting). And most importantly, I give my characters flaws and weaknesses. That's the most important part of the creation to me. What can I give him that'll make him struggle? The scenario writes itself as soon as you give your characters challenges to overcome within themselves.

[kcgyatt]

Random thought but other than X, who will see the true nature of the world? I have a feeling that the power isn't just gonna be revolving around X, but finds a way to be witnessed by other heroes.

There are only 2 heroes that are actually trying to gain the title of X unlike the other heroes who just ended up there cuz they're just built like that. Those 2 heroes being Queen and Dragonboy.

I'm not sure about the other heroes having the ambition to be the strongest because they mostly wanted to express their goodwill to the people and then they happen to trust them. This also could be added by the heroes' side jobs or whatever they do in their free time to gain trust.

For example, we have Lucky Cyan being a singer most of the time; she composes music that touches the hearts of the people. (How cool!) Loli looking like an influencer and acting cute in front of the camera but being actually rebellious out of the studio is what I expected from her. (I'm still confused on how the people in the bar didn't recognize her as the 6th hero. I might be wrong on this influencer thing but I'll just roll with it.) The Johnnies sponsoring the Wild life protection and all that also on camera, and maaaanny more.

(I'm drifting off from the topic goodness)

Back to the subject, what I'm actually curious about is Dragonboy and Queen. Why do they want to take the throne off of X? What is their motive here? Why are they the only two people that actually has a big chance of gaining more powers just like X?

Okay, first of all.. Queen's motive, in short, is to win the tournament and bring order to the world. (From the JP TBHX site.) There isn't many details of what she actually does or what her story contains from the PVs. When looking back from the trailers and openings, we realize that she's actually very mysterious! And if we're delusional enough, that means she holds so much importance in her entire character that they had to shorten her screentime. Because if given too much, it'll spoil too much! Expected from the 2nd ranking hero!!!

She's part of the few who barely gets any screentime. (eh, I think… I'm basing this off of my memory.) In the 2nd PV, she appeared in 1:12, in the 3rd PV, 1:01-1:06, Choose Your Hero! video, 1:01-1:07. How short….

Somehow, we managed to get a bit of crumbs on the 3rd PV. It showed her what she looked like when she was a child and her entering the Tournament grounds. Not enough info, fuck! It looked like she was closely observed from the start. Obviously, it's natural to guard your child if you're a nepobaby, but there might be another reason she's getting stalked constantly. And the reason is…. Not revealed yet! BUT. That reason is definitely gonna be why she's going to see the truth. Not as an accident, not because of coincidences, but let that be the vague guide to that truth.

Even one person, from the opening, is observing her card so closely. And why is that? The reason!!! explodes…

(Xtra thoughts of Queen)

My honest impressions of her is that she's a very isolated fellow. Just from her being in the Hero Tower and honing her skills are enough to explain that "Damn, that ho is either getting strict treatment or she's giving herself the strict treatment." (Definitely the latter though.) She also belongs to an agency that pursues high efficiency. Having 2 heroes like The Johnnies and Lucky Cyan with talent, how could she not have some too? Not some, but ALOT. Goodness.. keep it up girl…

"She's the pinnacle of female heroes, Queen is superior in many ways. She hopes to win the tournament to bring order to the world." Superior in so many ways that completely overshines Lucky Cyan's and The Johnnies ability to do stuff. Go no.2! (I feel like she gets a little pissed when she hears that.)

Just from the vibes she gives off is quite similar to X but still off-putting. It's like she's on the right track but she doesn't know where she's going? She looks to be very aware that she knows that there's something going on behind the scenes of the Tournament. She acknowledges that there might be something very suspicious behind her back. But she lacks on having the power to know so that may be the reason why she strives for the throne! I might be a genius guys….

Her urge to gain more power is VERY strong. It's very admirable. Please be no.1 but don't cause harm to lovely X.. He still needs to stream every Saturday 7pm..

(DragonBoy time!!)

Moving on to DragonBoy.. What the hell is he. Where do I even start with you? You're on the same case as Queen, but worse! I'm honestly so lost I can't even find a source to start with.. I'll try though..

As for the times he appeared.. It's so unbelievably dry. He doesn't even show up on the 2nd and 3rd PV, and just slipped through the opening, hello??? He showed up at Choose Your Hero video though, 0:48-0:52. How sad.

I can't think of how he gained his powers. I could only neglect him and say that he probably got trust from beating up criminals in public and they mistook him as some brutal yet heroic guy. I mean, he is nice! Volunteering to maintain traffic order outside a primary school and liking classical music is one thing.

I don't think he's bad… haha… sweats… He just needs to learn how to keep his shirt buttoned. The contrast of his appearance and his very gentle-like personality is not that surprising since I've seen this trope a lot of times. But the way Dragonboy executes it makes it different. He genuinely beats the teeth out of the villains mouth with blood spewing out, and having to listen to Erik Satie the next minute is crazy?

Really rebellious image and having tastes that is equal to that of an old man's = I like. His wordings are probably slightly formal but the tones he uses are so shitty. Sneaked in a little headcanon woops.

I actually don't know what else to say about him. I'm just gonna say that he's on the same page as Queen; being all mysterious and shit while having extreme importance in the story. How could anybody just leave out Dragonboy out of the image even though he's literally the 3rd ranking hero? I will if nobody does aha..

But like.. I'm still raising high suspicions of him. Li Hoalin in his twitter account literally captioned Dragonboy's 1st PV with, "Is he really a hero?" DON'T MAKE ME DOUBT IT NOWWWW… What if his power source is similar to corrupted Zero but more tamed.. like… that isn't a possibility that can be crossed out right?…

His powers are quite alike to the flickering effect of Zero's before they transformed. And that power may be related to the true nature of the world. Is that why Dragonboy has a connection with it or something? I can't do anything more than that, I don't get how or why you got a lot of fans..

As for the other heroes ranging from 4th to 10th, they might just coincidentally see this true nature of the world and fucks with it I guess, but doesn't gain additional powers unlike X?… It wouldn't think that they're worthy no…

Anyways, yap sess coming to an end. I just thought of this in the afternoon and surprisingly, i remembered most of the details!

I. need. to. know. more. about. them. JUST MY HEADCANONS BEING CANON IS ENOUGH. PLELLEASSEE…

I really wanna know Dragonboy's story. It used to be E-soul that had the least amount of screentime but after his 2nd PV released, it was CRAZY lore. I actually didn't expect so much from him, no offense!

I didn't bother fetching the images cuz I'm lost.. all I could do is rely on memory guys heh..

[laxibbeb]

Don’t worry, it’s truly been a week for us all. And not to flood you with asks, I just happened to have this ready at the same time as your snippet:)

I’m a fan of those Greek mythology retellings (although I haven’t finished Song of Achilles because I know how it ends and I’m scared of getting hurt). And I don’t know if you’ve ever read Gods of Jade and Shadow, but it was interesting.

Ninth House is fun, it has that mystery vibe to it while still being dark urban fantasy. Which is a genre that I don’t typically enjoy?

Also I enjoyed Too Good to be True. It was interesting trying to figure out each character’s motives throughout the book.

Have you read Priory of the Orange Tree? I loved it, but I ran into the same problem as you. I had a massive book hangover and haven’t been able to get into the second one yet 😂

I…am hesitant to tell you one of the things I’m pretentious about. I think it might give me away. I can tell you it has to do with one of my hobbies, though! For the other, I can be a bit of a snob about wine. I love a good Sauvignon Blanc. Truly immaculate. (But YES! Let’s be pretentious bitches together. That’s truly the dream. It’s also what Mor x Nesta could have been but anyway) haha maybe I’ll indulge both of us and write that someday 😊

Ooh the weaver? I see the appeal! It’s hard to pick one for ACOTAR because most of the characters are already hot. Andras, maybe? Dying for the sake of the plot? What a guy. Although I guess he’s not special in that regard, if you think about it.

I’m so sorry I just started talking😂

For non ACOTAR? I’m going to be honest I didn’t think about this either, so I’m doing the same as you. Uh, this is definitely a popular one, but that one fish from finding Nemo. Gill, I think his name is.

I can verify I am not one of the two people in the fandom who can understand that reference. Unsure if that narrows anything down for you (so I’m going to narrow it down even further and tell you I’m American)

I feel like these asks keep getting longer and longer. I don’t know what that says about us.

Anyways!

Do you have any favorite fics? They could be for any ship, honestly. I also enjoy Nessian and sometimes Feysand, and am open to other ones too.

Do you play any instruments? (I don’t think I asked this already?)

santa ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 i hope you flood me with asks, i love them

oH MY GOD i do that too, where i leave a book when i know it'll get bad 🫢 i'm scared to proceed with other books form "The Poppy War" for an example, because i have a vague idea of what will happen and i just. i just can't i've not read "Ninth House", i wanted to but not gonna lie, i'm scared i won't like it.. leigh bardugo hasn't ever done it for me before

i wanted to give something new of hers a try, though! so maybe?

"Too good to be true" is actually going on my tbr now, especially since i promised myself i'd read more thrillers (and haven't but shhh)

i HAVE read priory, (i have like, 80 pages left, but i'm GETTING TO IT so let's say i read it for a moment) it was so good! but yeah, the second one is gong to have to wait

(i would absolutely read an 800 page long, day to day account of tané's life, though)

---

OKAY, a wine snob??? that's so classy and sophisticated of you, santa (might i say - hot) i'll wait for your other pretentious thing, that's ok see! you see the mor x nesta potential for what it really is... divine and so, so sexy if you ever decide to write mor x nesta i'll owe you my firstborn, actually

---

OH MY GOD, THE ANDRAS SHADE (i wish the most important man in the acotar series had a single speaking line, not gonna lie)

okay, here's the thing - i've watched nemo one time and, stupid me i thought that was it, so i deleted all the memories i had of this movie. little did i know people would be referencing it for the rest of time i googled gill the fish from finding nemo and you know what? i GET IT. it's his slutty fin swoop

---

you know what, if you said that you recognized what i was talking about, only then would i have IMMEDIATELY known who you are

i now have 3 pieces of information that could possibly help me in figuring out your identity, and let me tell you, it doesn't narrow it down that much 🤣 so you're in the clear

---

I BRING FORTH MY FAVOURITE FANFICTION:

i cannot have a favourite fics list without mentioning @separatist-apologist, as she's the reason why i'm even in this fandom to begin with, so even though we all know this already -> take your pick and it's my favourite ever

what lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why by @foundress0fnothing THIS ONE IS SO MUCH FUN, and it has bi lucien; what more could you want

Springtide by @clarafae i've been really enjoying this one and i'm not done with it yet but it belongs here, ok i did not think i could like high lady of spring!elain but turns out i just needed a good fic

also, i've started A Blaze in the Dark by the famous @the-lonelybarricade and i can already tell you it belongs here as well

lately i've been reading a lot of azris, actually!

Just Enough Light to Cast Shadows by @jules-writes-stories (if you're reading this because ot the tag, jules please know i haven't forgotten about you, I'LL COME BACK) anyway, i love this one and i've been having so much fun reading it

i'm due a reread of Kerosene by @chunkypossum which is my absolute favourite and changed my life, actually

AND there are so many more but i need to finish replying to you before i turn 80 years old, unfortunately

---

i do not play an instrument :(( i used to really want to play the violin when i was a kid but when i asked my mom if i could attend music school she got war flashbacks and said she wouldn't put me through that (she also said i have no predispositions for doing music, which wow, thanks mom (she was right) 😋) so no instruments for baby laxi but i like to sing in my car when i'm driving 🤣

---

we're writing love letters to one another from across the sea and as the time passes they get progressively longer we just need to embrace it

it got to the point when i'm putting dividers whenever i change the topic to make it easier to read 🤣

as always, santa tell me your answers too, please!! and have a

[fabledskies]

Thinking about how I used to pair up pokemon when I was a little kid based on aesthetic, and it slowly turned into me giving them characters and personalities.

(Keep in mind, I was a huge fan of the shy, lonely female lead archetype, so it'll be a recurring thing)

Raichu (M) x Emolga (F)

♡ First pairing I remember making

♡ Jock x Cheerleader vibes

♡ Emolga would have been in the musicals in Unova while Raichu would have been a battler

♡ Vaguely remember there being a lady Cinccino in the picture, who was Emolga's rival

♡ Raichu would have been braver while Emolga would be more reserved and shy, eager to gain the spotlight performing in the musicals she loved

Lucario (M) x Lopunny (F)

[Clifton x Hazel]

♡ Childhood OTP since I was 10

♡ Opposites Attract (Jackal x Rabbit)

♡ Knight x Princess vibes

♡ Similar traits: Friendship evo, bipedal, Mega evo, similar moves

♡ THE couple I slapped angst and hurt/comfort tropes on the most-- often with the Lopunny character being shown as weak and lonely, only for the Lucario to find her and fall in love.

♡ Wrote different stories featuring them over and over again, which finally lead to the creation of PROJECT MAGNOLIA.

Pikachu (M) x Eevee (F)

[Storm x Melody]

♡ Another old pair I loved and had since I was 13

♡ Originally friends to lovers, now rivals to friends (and possibly lovers) with their current lore

♡ Mascot x Second Mascot

♡ Based on team members from my Let's Go Pikachu! save file

♡ Another instance of Girl Who Thinks She's Weak x Guy Who Loves Her Unconditionally; Mel felt pressured to evolve, but Storm promised her she was loved just the way she was.

♡ Have the most art drawn of them together besides Cliff and Hazel

Umbreon (M) x Vaporeon (F)

[Shadow x Splash]

♡ Paired Umbreon with Vaporeon at age 11/12(?) to be ✨️different✨️

♡ Had my Edgy Eeveelution Story phase at 13 and these two were the focus

♡ Shy Emotional Girl x Misunderstood Bad Boy With A Soft Spot For ❤️Her❤️

♡ Shadow had a dark spirit or something corrupting him and he pushed everyone away, leading Splash to question what they have and help him open up again (or that's what would have happened if I hadn't rebooted the lore in my head)

♡ Second couple I slapped angst and hurt/comfort tropes on the most, with a dash of codependency; romantic when you're writing fanfic as an early teen, horrific irl

♡ Broken up in the current lore

Pikachu (M) x Mimikyu (F)

[Riley x Mimi]

♡ Side pairing from an old comic I made at 12-13

♡ Lonely Girl x Goofy Guy

♡ Pikachu x Pikachu In Disguise

♡ Love At First Sight

♡ Twilight Age-Gap

♡ Mimi was an immortal spirit disguised as a Pikachu to hide her true form and to seek love from others. Riley (originally named Pika) discovers her true form and does all he can to make her feel accepted. The two quickly form a relationship (and a surprisingly stable one at that, considering the quality of my old writing).

Flareon (M) x Espeon (F)

[Dynamite x Sunrise]

♡ Had to pair up the rest of the Eeveelutions because Reasons

♡ Serious Girl x Goofy Guy

♡ Both have qualities of warmth (one channels power from fire, one channels power through the sun)

♡ If they had gotten together, Sunrise would have been the no-nonsense leader, while Dynamite would be the one to encourage her to mellow out every now and again.

Jolteon (M) x Glaceon (F)

[Lightning x Diamond]

♡ The sharpest looking Eeveelutions

♡ Frienemies to Lovers?

♡ Both are quick-witted and bicker in the old lore

♡ They butt heads at first, but would have warmed up to each other, had the story gone on; possibly would have bonded over their unrequited crushes on other team members (“At least we can be alone together”).

♡ They definitely both love hanging out during stormy days

♡ “Us? In love?? Pffft— yeah, right!”

Leafeon (M) x Sylveon (F)

[Verdant x Pixie]

♡ Started as an old comic about a timid Eevee finding her place in a team of Eeveelutions. After struggling to evolve and believing she doesn’t belong, Leafeon’s confession of love moved her so deeply that she became a Sylveon.

♡ Gentle Guy x Gentle Girl

♡ Diamond and Lightning’s respective love interests getting together has to be painful for them (they definitely joked about it later on though)

♡ Fairy Type x Grass Type just felt right to me as a kid (still does)

♡ Nothing too deep with these two— probably would have picked up gardening together and they’d be an affectionate couple.

Eevee (M) x Shiny Eevee (F)

Elliot x Luna

♡ Eevee character from my Eeveelution lore paired with an old online friend’s Eevee character as a sort of crossover

♡ Childhood Romance

♡ Lonely Girl x Goofy Guy 2.0

♡ Luna was attacked by a wild Houndour, to which Eillot saved her and she gave him a kiss as thanks, leading to the start of their friendship.

♡ Luna admired Elliot and considered him her hero

Vaporeon (F) x Espeon (F)

[Splash x Sunrise]

♡ Friends To Lovers

♡ Imagine your ex getting with your sister… sorry Shadow LMAO

♡ Connected through their problems with Shadow in the current lore, leading them to grow closer as the story goes on

♡ They’re patient with each other and work together as equals (often away from the team), which is a nice change of pace for both of them, especially Splash.

♡ I can see the beach easily being their special place, what with Sunrise loving the sun and Splash loving the ocean

[nugatorysheep]

Great question! so, in theory, there's two types of answers here, one about the process itself and then one about the Everything Else beyond that

My favorite part of the comic making process is either doing the sketches or what I call "conceptualizing", where I have a fat 5k canvas open and just do rough, quick doodles of what happens that look like this:

That big dark box on the side is the outline for this part of the chapter (sometimes I do more detailed outlines and sometimes I don't. Just depends on how i feel; a lot of Druid's chapter didn't have any kind of outline because I was basically doing the same story as a few years ago but cleaner). I use that as reference when I'm working on the sketches. there's dialogue on some of these sketches, but that's very rare for me to do and i usually dont write the dialogue until it needs to be added to the page itself. Sometimes if a part of a chapter is very dialogue heavy (like Purloin) I will l do a script, but since this part (Leonine) is split between a conversation and a fight scene, I've been adding the vague ideas for dialogue on these sketches instead

Once I've got a bunch of those ready to go, they get added to a page and cleaned up:

You can see that sometimes I have backgrounds ready to use and sometimes I dont lol

If a scene is just "characters are in one spot but the camera goes back n forth" then usually I will worry about backgrounds later, but if the scenery is going to flip flop around a lot then it's better to know definitively where the characters will be ahead of time

Depending on how firmly i have the dialogue in my head, I also put where the bubbles will be. If i just have Vibes of a convo or I'm not sure where it'll go (Leo is singing "Open Arms" but i haven't decided what lyrics go where yet) then I leave extra space for words and sort it out later

Then I have to do line art and my progress slows to a crawl XD easily my least liked part of art period, 0/10 do not recommend

BUT as far as the Other Stuff goes, my favorite part is getting comments about the story, especially from people who mainly follow just what's posted on Tapas, because I get to see if what I'm trying to do translates well. Most of the ones I get are positive, sometimes I get negative ones, and sometimes I get comments that make me wonder if I'm not being blunt enough about certain plot beats / character moments (I'm looking directly at Tiffany Stone who everyone tends to forget about)

I also find a lot of joy in getting to see how I've improved! Comic-making is a great way to get better at art. there's a lot of things it forces you to git gud with, i.e. framing, composition, characters interaction, posing, backgrounds, layouts, writing. I'm better at some of those things than others but still, making comics since i was four is what's made me into the artist I am today

Fun fact, before I was an SU fan i was a Pokémon fan, and I had a comic I was working on for that too featuring my own Pokémon OCs. the pages are very different but the point is, I've always wanted to tell a story~

my inner furry is showing but shhhh

Also do NOT shade comics unless you want them to take 10 times longer, god. can't believe I used to do that

[snapdragonling]

5, 6, 7, 13 and 17 for sabine, cian and middy?

thanks dear!! | oc creation questions

5. Is there any significance behind their hair color?

sabine — not really, that's just how she appeared in my head! the grey streaks are the only significant hair change i've added since her creation and that's mostly because i got smarter and Sabine got hotter.

cian — the white streak definitely has some significance!! he wasn't born with it!

middy — originally she was going to have black hair but when i joined the campaign half the party already had black hair so i pivoted to add some variety! in hindsight shifting her colour palette from black/green to brown/orange was hugely influential in the kind of character she grew into 🌻

6. Is there any significance behind their eye color?

sabine — only inasmuch as her brother had the exact same hazel eyes and every time she looks in the mirror she sees his face 😬

cian — nope, just wanted to give him hazel eyes because they matched his vibe! they do glow turquoise or white when he's casting certain spells (or that time Mercy took over his body...)

middy — she has brown eyes that i've retroactively decided would've slowly become more golden as her warlock pact deepened, hinting at Nettle's status as a child of Pelor (and Middy as a potential vessel for Pelor?)

7. Is there any significance behind their height?

sabine — when i was creating her i thought "i'll make a PC with a perfectly average height this time, it'll be a nice change from Middy" and then almost everyone else in the Dwyrain party was a fucking giant 🙄 (i think her height suits her, it's enough to be underestimated in a fight but she can still do the Black Widow thigh choke thing which is important to me)

cian — i wanted him to be a little under the average for a lad! he's willowy and unassuming and shy and i wanted his height to contribute to that.

middy — she's LITTLE. TINY. just under 3 feet as an orphaned halfling street kid who rarely ate consistently. halflings really resonated with me at the time so playing a little guy was super fun.

13. How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

sabine — so many AUs. just so many AUs. she's a character i love to put in situations, and somewhere along the way she also acquired a wife - who woulda thunk! (i've also thought vaguely about what her future in Dwyrain might've looked like based on the info Ellen gave us - mostly about continuing Ulam's legacy and coming into her own as the Sun Soul monk. Sabine Chosen One storyline would've been so funny tbh, I know Ulam was laughing in the afterlife. i've thought about her training Haland's daughter. i've thought about her shepherding wayward children Enikö's way, and the two of them becoming something almost like friends. every so often I think about Roan and the fact that he and Sabine might've had something...)

cian — i consider it extremely dangerous to think too far again in-game for the Vigilant 😭 i definitely have ideas about the direction I'd like his arc to go in, but it depends so much on what the party comes up against! (and of course there have been AUs happening in the background. there's so many terrible settings he could be a medic in!)

middy — again with the AUs....where would i be without AUs tbh. thinking about her future in Varania makes me extremely fucking sad so I've moved her almost exclusively into AUs at this point, but I do think she would've travelled with Bran for a while. she'd continue seeing the world, continue making friends, continue being a bright light in dark places. it would've taken her a really long time to heal from losing Loreth but she'd try to live a full life for the both of them.

17. Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

sabine — honestly I don't think so? my perfect fucked up many-layered onion wife who helped me through some really awful shit even though I didn't realise until later how hard I was projecting lmfao.

cian — not really any regrets, there's just a couple of things that i want to tweak and maybe work out the kinks in-game? we'll see!

middy — i don't really regret it but it's always hard to think about her as half of a whole without Loreth 😭 he ended up being such a big part of her character arc, it's like she lost her north star and sometimes when I'm working on/with her i feel the void where he should be!! mostly it just feels bittersweet. the character bleed was really fucking bad with Middy, i think i can say that at this point 💀

[contritecactite]

As ever, it takes the tiniest hint of encouragement (thanks @grimboigio ) to goad me into generating a wall of text. Well, actually, the wall was already there. Big big Hades II spoilers below in the form of messy half-baked notes I've been jotting down as I play. Some are just things that I got excited about, but there's a tiny sliver or two of theories and expectations.

I think we're headed for no happy ending, just acceptance—the battle is against Chronos, but it's really about *time* as a concept; for these gods, time really did take its toll and change the way mortals relate to them. Supergiant will never make another sequel for the same reason: things belong in their own time.

The lycaons *could* just be heralding Cerberus, but they somehow give me a sense of the trappings of Roman the Empire creeping in (in an intentional, storytelling way). Same with the emptiness of Ephyra and the hints of war in the mortal aspect. It feels like this is the fall of the cultures we now call "ancient Greece" as told through the eyes of the gods who get left behind or changed.

Apollo is giving me traitor vibes. He had a line about how we "have all the time in the world," and there's just something too carefree about him.

This feels like a lovely little patchwork quilt of Supergiant games. Homer is more reactive like the Bastion narrator. The music, the social bonding opportunities, and the inventory and lore screens feel a bit like Pyre. Some upgrade systems remind me of Transistor, and the mood reminds me very much of it as well. The writing and combat are still very Hades, and there are new aspects that speak of a team that has taken the time to understand what works, what doesn't, and what improvement and innovation should look like within their existing framework.

Echo's whole thing is fucking clever. Those gifts: Either repeats or diminishing returns—just like an echo. Holy fucking shit the way I vibrated when I met Echo the first time.

I love my randomly assigned college roommate who never goes to her classes and moves all my shit for no reason (Dora). If she were my actual roommate, I would feel a very different way about this.

Eris is perfect. I love her being mean-spirited mischief rather than brute force or accidental mischief; it feels like a unique character composition. She's awful. I can't stand her. She's perfect. She also reminds me of Spoiler from Pixie Tricks, a series I read as a kid (both in personality and, vaguely, design).

Nemesis and Artemis sound like they have a no-strings on-again off-again kind of thing going on and I love that for them. Also hope Charon and Hermes get to see each other again soon bc I'm rooting for them so hard.

I literally shrieked when taking out one of the sirens *actually impacted their contribution to the song*. I shouldn't have been surprised, but it was so much fun to hear it happen anyway. Very immersive! I'm also in love with Scylla. She reminds me very specifically of Ryan Stiles' Carol Channing impression and a little of Dolly Parton. Also. Her fucking hood. Jesus.

One of my favorite things about Hades is that there was nothing that an enemy or boss could do that you couldn't do through some combination of boons, weapons, and upgrades. The same seems to hold true here so far, and I just can't say enough how *cool* that is. The worst part of any combat-heavy game to me is the realization that the boss or even the cutscene of your character can do things that you, the player, can't initiate or control during a regular battle. Hades says "yeah, fuck that. It'll look different when you do it vs. when that sea serpent does it, but you can accomplish the same action/effect." Likewise, there's practically nothing your character can do that isn't also usable by at least one enemy. That keeps things balanced and combats the sense of "ah yes, you are the Most Special Chosen One" that's often inherent to RPGs. It gives the sense that skill matters a lot and makes me as a player feel skilled—I'm not visually doing anything that my enemies can't do, so... maybe I'm actually kinda good at this? (I am mediocre at best, but the game lets me *feel* skilled).

Additionally, just as in Hades, the enemies in an area are very informative about how upcoming bosses will behave. It rewards a player for paying attention and makes each enemy populating an area make *sense*.

After beating the sirens, ALL I wanted was for Melinoë to be able to have one single fan among the shades like Zagreus in the Theseus map. What I got was even *better*; the same type of interaction, but in a way that takes into account *her* task-focused, serious personality while still giving a little bit of levity. She is *done* with being here and ready for everyone to clear out, and that grumpy shade is not having it. He even makes a new little face! Love you, purple shade in the corner.

Oh, hey, charybdis, there you are

THE 2 IS IN *ROMAN* NUMERALS I'm having a moment

yeah that's it that's what I got. For now. My gaming buddy keeps falling asleep when I try to gush and talk through things, so Tumblr gets it instead.

[nvrcmplt]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

Being mostly OC based, to be faaaaaaaaaaaair - It's not something fixed in place but I can say with my whole ass that my ships with @intcritus and @avaere are most likely OTPs. Due to the length of time of knowing these two and just how deep our claws go into each other it's almost hard not to think about my muses that I ship with them / without them being mentioned, Muse-wise for sure. Like a part of my muses is made with them in mind, or they've made their corresponding muse unbelievably integral to my muses life and creation as a whole so it's like, yin and yang honestly. A few others are on that road too; eg; @asinusxdomi and @bonesofchaos

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Everything to be fair, ain't no limitations when we're consenting adults, imo. Obviously nothing agreed on will happen and nothing plotted out for darker themes will be just like forced on people cause that's just shitty but also I know what I'm getting into when I go for those types of ship wants.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

I personally don't feel comfortable in reading about muses having any thoughts about children muses in that way and that's a hard no for me personally. I couldn't write it even to test the waters like I have with a few dark topics, ( dub con / non con etc ) It's just up there with those kinda of topics that I can't personally say 'yeah I'm comfortable with writing this for an experiment', not for me, so yeah long story short, no.

It's just common sense to not ship adults with children muses / characters, it's a big no thank you.

The youngest I could possibly ok in terms of just passing, is the 18-19 with someone in their 20 - 23 space - tops but even so, it still makes me wrinkle my nose a bit.

I think anything younger isn't something I'm looking for to read or write. Younger writers of that age can do what they want but like I'm 31, 32 next year, I ain't got that young-mind leeway anymore mentality and I cringe at the idea of making younger muses like below 25 to ship.

Are you selective when shipping?

Nah - I try to be to limit my needs to just swarm the dash with my shit but I ain't got much of a tick list or wall to climb over when it comes to wanting to ship w/ me. Like I make tags in a blink if I see us interacting a lot outside of just one or two asks a month thing. Like if I feel the vibe of actual interest towards my muses, then yeah I'm gunna return that interest if I get that spark and want to explore that dynamic ship in whatever way we're going.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I will send you a BJ ask if you ask for it. So, whenever and whereever. I don't use readmores, so if someone finds sucking fingers too sexual, it'll just be there in the open. If we're going mating press on a Tuesday morning, so be it.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

/points at my mutuals./ These bitches suffer with me.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Talk to me? Lol, not hard. Forceship if you want, I'm game if we've got something going.

How often do you like to ship?

All day every day - you can't stop me and my mind.

Are you multiship?

Yes yes, I can singleship but that's only for 11+ year friends on here.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Yeah, I ain't gunna lie. I just love having ships and tags and a continuous plot going with folks and sometimes you gotta bag the muse to keep it going. Even if it doesn't end up a lovey-dovey or we plot a break up, I'm all for it.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Me and my mutual muses. I am the favourite ship, thank you.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Love me and my muses with all your heart and send them your muses first born, ofc. But mostly just communicate with me, I ain't gunna be able to guess through jokes / vague tags or the occasional meme, like full on talk to me, spam my inbox with proper interaction between muses, if you don't feel the same is being returned, talk to me in DMs or Discord. I can't read minds.

tagged by : @avaere tagging: All of y'all.

[rosehippiefield]

Hiii, for the ask game :33 5, 8, 12, 20 for Stellorina, please <33

5. How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

Oh, interesting question! In a way it came to me in a dream. Once I had a very vivid dream about me and my friends having magical powers and going on adventures (and meeting each other because they didn't know each other). I was so inspired by it that I decided to think up and narrate a fanfic to one of those friends (yeah, I just imagined many things on spot).

The thing is, the second friend has a unique name in real life, so I wanted to transform our names too. Well, not my name, I liked it as it were, but I did add endings -lina, -rina to others. And at that time I already had a vague concept of Stellie, but she was named just Stella (or maybe she didn't have a fixed name, I don't remember). Stella as in Stella from Winx, something connected with sun. With light. I wanted her name to be "light", but also to not just repeat name of already existing character. So when I modified names, I came up with idea to add -rina to Stella too. And thus she officially became Stellorina (though I still have different variants in mind for English version) She was supposed to have sun-related abilities, but then I decided she's more flower-oriented. Though plants need sun, so it still works out.

In-universe I think her parents wanted a "positive" name, maybe celestial in a way. Maybe they wanted to protect her by connecting her to powerful star, Sun. They were quite spiritual.

8. What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

Originally, it was purely projecting. Stellorina was one of two characters that was a self-insert. She embodied a kind, understanding, forgiving side. Sometimes selfless, sometimes too selfless and wanting to avoid conflict at all cost. Over time I decided to make her more different, adding more angst, depressing backstory and so on. I had in mind "frail girl with terminal disease" type of character, but I never intended for that disease to be truly terminal. She'd be someone so kind despite the odds that it would make people cry (if written correctly), though in the end she would persevere because I don't have guts to kill her. For now

12. Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

I don't make playlists for characters, but I have three songs (or rather game soundtracks) in mind for her. First of all, Field of Memories by Waterflame. It sounds nostalgic, a bit sad. Everything there is a reminiscence, while those moments are no longer there. It sounds like a moment when Stellorina would try to sacrifice herself while saying how much she cherishes everyone. While you stand there recollecting every moment, understanding that it'll soon be no more. Just a memory.

In a similar vein, Blue Bird Lamentation from Zero Escape Virtue's Last Reward. Stellorina may be similar to Luna (ironic naming aside), and that song is often associated with her. That soundtrack is full of sorrow and, at the same time, hope. I don't want to spoil anything (and I hardly know half of the twists myself), but this soundtrack is memorable.

Last but not least, Time Machine by Waterflame again. First notes remind me of calmness of nature, so I always thought of Stellorina, even like 7 years ago when I connected Geometry Dash songs with my OCs of that time

20. Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

Meister was used to original characters replacing their cast, but hated it nevertheless. Now all those mischievous newcomers wanted was to break the universe. If "Alice" playing football wasn't something out of the ordinary, "Reko" befriending Teki threatened to ruin the game. Especially considering that she did want to ruin the game. Not even mentioning living "Mai" with two guns, "Ranmaru" wanting to steal his bandages or "Keiji" casualy hacking computer room and blasting the worst music Meister had misfortune to hear. Oh, and he turned off almost all of the collars, so none could be killed (they couldn't be either way, "Joe" could jump over wringlers like jumping rope. Miley was annoyed as it was her idea)

Thus, it was refreshing to see a girl just sitting there among the havoc. She wore Kanna's clothes minus the hat, but was obviously older. Maybe highschooler or young adult. There was an aura of utter tranquility, something Meister longed for. In worn out bandages, with his Chidouin face being visible (and he just didn't care), he approached the table.

Usually he'd say something cheerful. But now he had no energy but to watch. The girl didn't even remotely try to cause trouble. She just looked at the bucket (or hat?), for some reason full of dirt. Dirt?... Why was there dirt?

"Hey, what are you doing?" - his voice sounded more annoyed that he'd wanted, but he grew increasingly worried.

"Mister Meister, don't you see what you are doing is wrong? You're bringhing suffering to innocent people" - girl looked so sad he almost felt guilty. Almost, it was his role, job and income.

"Well, I guess I am. That's who I am. But no use derailing the topic, lassie! What are you doing?"

"I do what I must. But you still have the chance to make up for your decision! Past is painful, but no amount of pain today will bring back people dear to us!" - she almost begged him to switch sides, to step on the path of redemption, but he's been into this operation for far too long. Besides, this girl is not doing anything anyway. Oh, and her collar! It was still on, so maybe he could control her?

Meister kept silence. Somewhere in the background he heard "Shin" shouting "Coward, come here!" at Midori. Knowing strength of this "Shin", Midori stood no chance. The world was ending. Again.

The "Kanna" girl, meanwhile, took a glass of water and poured it out into the bucket. It wasn't right! She did it on purpose!

"Stop or I'll kill you via this collar!" - there was no hope, but one could make a pitiful attempt.

"I'm afraid if you can't change your ways, neither can I" - as those words were uttered, the dirt in the bucket began to lift. A thin green stem quickly grew, getting wider and taller every second. After 15 seconds of science-defying plant growth, a bud appered. Then two more, then three... A rose flowers bloomed in front of him! How dares she?

Instinctivelly, Meister pushed the button designed to activate collar. Nothing happened. Oh, no, actually, Miley came out of the monitor room! Covered in blood (presumably shot by "Mai"), she looked way too calm.

"Don't bother" - she advised - "I gave her seeds from her collar because she asked nicely. It's pointless, they'll destroy our universe anyway. At least Stellorina heard out my backstory"

"I'm glad we could reach understanding" - Stellorina sounded so genuine for the girl who was complacent in ruining their world.

The roses meanwhile not only continued to bloom, they were still growing! The stem, roots and even petals began to slowly but surely errode the building. It had cracks before, but now... Now it was falling apart!

...

The world was destroyed!

"The winner of the "end the world speedrun" is Stellorina!"

"Yay! Congrats!"

"No fair! I was almost done with Miley! I'd get access to this place and win!"

"If I killed Midori, I would get his cards and... Welp, I dunno how I'd get anywhere, so congrats, Stellie!"

Original characters, despite all wanting to win the same, all cheered for Stellorina's victory. Besides, pacifist speedrun was harder to do in those conditions. She didn't want to kill Asunaro agents, even if not all of them wanted to have a change of heart. Maybe she'll convince Meister the next time. Or "Mai" will win. She had two guns after all

[imagoddamnonionmason]

Hey love! Hope you're having a great day! This is for the Oc couples ask game!

For Sarah Mason/Alex Mason (you know I love the masons hahaha) and Jodie/Woods (my favourite couple of yours!)

23, 40, 49

Hope you have a great day love! No pressure! 🧡🧡✨

Hello my dear!! It'll be a pleasure to answer these for ya!

Also yes, agreed, I have such a soft spot for the Masons and I got very happy that Frank and Jodie are your favourite couple of mine- put a smile on my face <3

Here we gooo!

Alex and Sarah Mason

23. who said 'I love you' first?

You know, I reckon it would have been Alex. Sarah would have held off, not wanting to rush headlong into her emotions because she's done that before and got burned and she really was smitten with him.

Part of her was like 'if I come on too strong, say I love you too quickly, it might scare him off and I don't want to do that because he's literally asdfghhjkl oh my god I am so in love him aaaaaaa'

But the shock on her face when he says it first, so naturally, like it was meant to be said to her, by him, like the stars aligned- DAMMIT. Yeah. He said it first and he meant it.

40. what is a song that reminds you of the OC's relationship?

cw: mention of death

(Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult

Unfortunately, this couple's ends aren't great and death is deeply ingrained in their narrative - but this song is about embracing death because there is love waiting for you, just trust the process and you'll end up with those you belong with (or at least... that's what I get from it).

Like, it's a bittersweet song that reminds me of them - it's hard to explain the exact reasons why, other than just the vibe.

There's also another-

Where's My Love - Alternate Version by SYML

Again, it's sad... but their story is sad (despite the good bits yk?)

This song kinda reminds me of Alex and his feeling towards Sarah, especially when he loses her. Then... obviously with how Alex's story ends these lyrics hit me particularly 'if you bleed, I bleed the same, if you're scared, I'm on my way'.

I apologise in advance for the sadness.

I REALLY WISH I HAD HAPPY SONGS I ASSOCIATE WITH THIS COUPLE but apparently I'm a sad lil Goose. honks sadly.

49. Is there a word or gesture that makes either of them melt?

Ha ok, right- any. WAIT. No, I mean- OK BEAR WITH ME, I'm writing exactly how my thought process is working.

Any gesture will have Sarah melting - she enjoys PDA and she enjoys whenever Alex is touchy-feely with her. Hugs from behind, holding her hand, hand on her waist/lower back as he's moving behind her. If his hands are on her, she will melt.

For Alex? Whenever she cups his face in her hands. That has that man like putty in her hands and he is weak. It's also very grounding for him and it's associated with a lot of comfort for him.

Frank and Jodie

23. who said 'I love you' first?

Frank. I have a feeling that it's going to be blurted out in their first argument (this has been vaguely planned). I'm still figuring out the nuances of that argument and where exactly it takes place in their narrative, but yeah, it's that trope of 'why would you do that?' 'Because I lo-.... because.. I love you.. dammit.'

Cut to Jodie trying her best not to cry. Silently nods thinking to herself, 'how fucking dare you take the wind out of my sails with that sentence now I can't be mad at you and all I want to do is kiss you- UGH stupid handsome man-'

Yeah, I love these two. Why does writing take so long *sobs*

40. what is a song that reminds you of the OC's relationship?

Oh boy. Well, let's just say that I have a playlist for their 'canon' universe and then one for the pirate au and then one for the terminator au-

What I'm saying is there are a lot of songs and I found it difficult to find just one and also I have like... three versions of their ship floating around inside my head rent free lmao. But, these are two songs I tend to associate across the board with them.

Can I by Tedy

Simple, really, the lyrics are about someone asking if they can be vulnerable, if they can love and trust the other person. Literally the epitome of Jodie in the relationship.

But also,

I Was Made For Lovin' You by KISS

It's a feel good song, has cheeky vibes and I love it - I can't tell you when I started associating this song with them but... yeah, it's a good one and I can only think of them.

49. Is there a word or gesture that makes either of them melt?

When Jodie calls Frank 'darling'. She doesn't say it often, but damn, when she does he's gooey inside. And it's never just 'darling' it will always be 'Frank, darling'.

When Frank hugs her. She just melts. Like, not only because it's affection, but Frank's hugs can cure disease, Jodie is certain of it.

OH- a little spicy, maybe? But whenever Frank hugs Jodie from behind, slinking his arms around her waist and pulls her to him, he'll plant a kiss on her neck. He'll do it on purpose 'cause he knows how that simple gesture both causes her to fuckin' turn into a puddle. In more ways than one. Yeah... if he wanted bedroom eyes, then that's one way to achieve them.

If they were to have a tiff, that's a tactic he'll use to say sorry, too. All animosity would leave her body the second he does it lmao. Girl down bad and I don't blame her damn.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

So on my flights down to the seminar this weekend, I had the option to watch some movies. And between my two flights, I had like five hours of flying to do that night and forgot to charge my MP3 player, and I was too tired to do any writing, and frankly my stomach has been uneasy lately (probably due to a prescription-strength NSAID I've been taking for my tendonitis that's SUPPOSED to have "fewer GI side-effects", but as we all know, my stomach is a little bitch), so I didn't want to read in a moving airplane when there's a 50/50 chance on a GOOD day with my stomach that it'll make me ill despite prescription-strength meclizine.

So, movies then. First I chose a movie based on what I've seen other people talking about: I Saw the TV Glow.

But Iiiiii…. didn't really enjoy it? At all? And maybe I'm missing something obvious (I've been known to do that), but I didn't really get the trans allegory everyone's talking about. I actually related it way more to being fictionkin…

But, here's a cut since I'm talking about those things because 1.) people don't need to read my dislike if they don't want to, and 2.) it used to be What the Cool Kids Do to bully otherkin. So yeah. Cut.

I think my biggest issue with the movie was that it was so slow. Guessing by it being categorized as "horror", I think it was supposed to make it suspenseful and accentuate how awful the situation is? Maybe??? But it didn't make it scary or horrifying to me, most of it was just boring. And yeah, I guess a purposeless fast-passing life in the suburbs can be horrifying if you really do feel that distanced and disconnected from it. But I didn't connect it with any emotional response whatsoever.

Except for two moments, it honestly felt quite passionless and emotionless to me. The moment after he watches The Final Episode and screams about "This isn't my home, you're not my dad", and the moment he screams "SAVE ME" at the birthday party.

(And there was the emet*phobia triggering moment, quite a few if you're as sensitive as me to Goop From the Mouth, which didn't help.)

And there was exactly ONE MOMENT when I had that glimmer of realization like, "Oh yeah, I can see where people are getting the Trans Allegory from." But it was so brief and ephemeral and vague that I genuinely can not remember what that moment was about.

Maybe because my trans experience isn't just "going through the motions while feeling disconnected" like the movie read to me as. My trans experience was always feeling othered, knowing something didn't fit, and not Denial like the movie seemed to be showing from (Owen I think?), but rather always Knowing Something Was Wrong and just not having a way to express it even to myself.

And then, when I first SAW the word "nonbinary", and then later "agender", that experience of lifelong EUPHORIA when I understood What It Meant!

So that movie didn't connect with my trans experience whatsoever.

Fictionkinnity, on the other hand…

(Warning: I'm about to discuss an aspect of my identity that I don't usually talk about on this blog. It took a lot of debate to work up the courage to "come out" as fictionkin here, but I figured if I'm going to review this movie, and talk about why It Isn't Trans, but It Reads as Fictionkin to me, I should do it honestly. So I won't come out of the kin closet with my specific identities, but I'm going to discuss the relevant Feelings and Experiences that gave me those Vibes.)

The bottom line is, the actual dictionary definition, in the purest denotational sense, of Being Fictionkin is "identifying as a character (in whole or in part) from something that is fictional in this world". And that is literally what Maddie does; that is in fact what she's telling Owen (s)he is. She's telling him, "We're characters from a tv show." She's telling him, "The show is reality for us." She's telling him, "We're not really These People, our true identities are the characters in that show."

It's Literally Being Fictionkin!

But even deeper than the dictionary definition runs the actual lived experience of it.

Seeing the canon material from your source and it feeling Real.

Coming to the realization that You Are That "Character".

Hell, I have one fictionkin identity that I was in DEEP denial about for six fucking months. I didn't Want to Be Her, which was unfortunately further proof that I was, in fact, Her. I pushed it aside, I tried to deny it, I tried to rail against it and seek every other possible explanation. I hated the idea of it. It made SENSE, but I resented that. It would explain so MUCH, but I was horrified at the idea of This Person being a part of My Identity.

(And then one day I finally relented and went, "Okay, if this is really who I was, give me a sign. Prove it to me", but that's a tangent for the 'kin blog. ;PPP I think it's hilarious how obvious The Sign was, in hindsight… I hated it that day, but I finally decided that maybe I should stop denying it and just start LIVING with it.)

(And eventually I went from resigned to embracing what that aspect of my identity offered me. Even though that shift and those memories SUCKED, being in the her shifts cured my dyscalculia somehow??? At least while the shift was ongoing. When it ended, the dyscalculia came right back. Also greatly reduced my stomach problems to the point where I forgot to take my motion-sickness medicine and got Horrendously Ill on the bus ride to work one day, but when I saw a license plate that made me think of A Specific Memory From Her that gave me such a strong emotional response I shifted for about 20 minutes, the motion sickness fucking EVAPORATED, but once the memory and shift faded away, the sickness came right back. Which is ironic, in a way. But I'd rather not detail that part.)

Anyways, I should say that obviously, I can't do what Maddie/Tara did and "walk out of this life and into that one". It's kind of the reverse actually; for whatever reason, parts of my soul decided to walk out of the FICTIONKIN life and walked into THIS one. (It's a different reason for each 'type, I think…)

But gods, if I don't long to return to those lives. To the people I knew there. To see them one more time.

There are moments, in this life, when I connect with people from the same sources (…some sources more easily than others), and those moments have made it all bearable. I think about that a lot when I consider how Maddie was trying to reach out to Owen, to bring him/Isabel back with her, to save her.

I will say, aside from the occasional Eerie Similarity my fictionkin antagonists have to villains here, I'm glad those antagonists are no longer tracking me down in this life. I don't think there's any One Villain from a Media Kintype that's actually here to torment me in this life.

(No, I torment myself. But that's an aspect of my kintypes I do Not want to discuss here. Maybe in private, if anyone's curious… but not in public, given 1.) the trend of bullying otherkin, and 2.) certain parts of the fandoms of no less than two of my sources.)

So I'm very tired and running out of steam, but yeah, I Saw the TV Glow reads to me as a lot more fictionkin than trans, but I can't say if that was The Actual Intention of the writer or just a coincidental parallel to my own personal experience.

Either way though, I didn't enjoy it.